What a beautiful ode to perseverance without the pressure of perfection. So many things I enjoy immensely are things I suck at so hard, painting, surfing, cycling and fishing all come to mind. I'd never thought in terms of "what if I'm NEVER any good at these things" and after reading this I've decided, even if I never improve these things they still give me joy and balance in my life.
7
I was watching Adverturland with my kid years ago and I was struck by a line a character said, "sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something" Being sort of good at something, especially when nothing big is on the line, is a joyful experience.
I took up bass guitar two years ago. I played guitar in my younger days but haven't focused on it in years. I was never a prodigy but can't say I "sucked". I practice an hour a day and honestly, I don't know or care how I "rank" I'm just trying to nurture the best bassist that is in me. I love it. I'm in a band that plays shows locally. We're good; we're getting better. There are flubs in every song but no one seems to notice. That's the point of this article, the wise line from Adventureland... the journey from sucking to pretty good is fulfilling and most others don't pay nearly as much attention to others talent as much as their own.
I took up bass guitar two years ago. I played guitar in my younger days but haven't focused on it in years. I was never a prodigy but can't say I "sucked". I practice an hour a day and honestly, I don't know or care how I "rank" I'm just trying to nurture the best bassist that is in me. I love it. I'm in a band that plays shows locally. We're good; we're getting better. There are flubs in every song but no one seems to notice. That's the point of this article, the wise line from Adventureland... the journey from sucking to pretty good is fulfilling and most others don't pay nearly as much attention to others talent as much as their own.
9
On a good day, I am mediocre at running. I do not run particularly far distances, nor do I run particularly fast. Actually, calling what I do "running" is fairly generous. For most of my adolescence I was afraid of doing much physical activity because I knew I would be bad at it, and I was terrified of being bad at anything at all. It took years for me to start running anyway, despite knowing I'd suck at it, for the health benefits it offers (both physical and mental). And then I refused to run with anyone else, dodging runner-friend's requests to go run together because I feared being too slow and making it obvious that yeah, I suck at running. After a couple years of running on and off, I went for a run with a friend for the first time this week. And you know what? I found out that we both suck, and it was great.
I'm pretty sure I'm always going to suck at running, even if over time I'll probably suck less. But who cares? Surely with hobbies, it's the thought that counts.
I'm pretty sure I'm always going to suck at running, even if over time I'll probably suck less. But who cares? Surely with hobbies, it's the thought that counts.
8
Ever tried golf?
5
Allowing oneself to do something badly is not only important for the amateur; it is likely a necessary part of doing something extremely well. The great pianist Mitsuko Uchida describes this beautifully in her acceptance speech for the Royal Philharmonic Society's Gold Medal (an easily findable video online): "I am a student of music...playing at home BADLY is SO much fun...going on stage is such a huge responsibility, but it's nobody's business when I am at home and play BADLY and enjoy myself...that is the moment of bliss. But ultimately I am still here because I still haven't gotten quite good enough at what I do and I am full of curiosity about what I might discover tomorrow; that is what I'm here for. I hope I shall be able to make music this bit better by tomorrow." As a (professional) pianist and (decidedly not professional) windsurfer myself, I see the great importance of the first epic crash into water on a day of windsurfing. The pursuit of skill is often enabled by error, which in itself brings not only learning but an exhilarating joy.
17
When I was in high school, my trumpet teacher told me, "Don't major in music in college. You're not good enough."
It was a revelation to be told that I wasn't good enough to do something. It was contrary to all the messages I got growing up. And it told me that it was still okay to love music.
I went on to play in a bunch of bands, learn some other instruments, and never became particularly good at any of them. But playing in some bands - and our sloppily-recorded DIY albums - are some of the experiences closest to my heart.
It was a revelation to be told that I wasn't good enough to do something. It was contrary to all the messages I got growing up. And it told me that it was still okay to love music.
I went on to play in a bunch of bands, learn some other instruments, and never became particularly good at any of them. But playing in some bands - and our sloppily-recorded DIY albums - are some of the experiences closest to my heart.
15
I am a terrible, inconsistent bowler. I rarely go bowling but when I do, I am wildly erratic from frame-to-frame. If I've bowled a strike, the next two attempts could very well be gutter balls. A spare? If I happen to knock down anything more than a few pins on the next ball, it's a miracle. I am an embarrassment to any bowling partners and while I'm not on a league team, I am pretty sure no league team would have me. Don't think so? My lifetime average is about 80. Still, I think bowling is big fun and I don't miss an opportunity to show just how bad -- or good -- a bowler I can be.
6
A piece of true wisdom and thank you for it. As I get older (and I am old) I suck at more and more things, and enjoy them more and more. I think maybe you may have touch one of the things that connects all of us.
31
Wonderful article! Cathartic! At the age of 65, I bought a Fender Strat and started to learn to play the guitar. One of the online instructional videos had the instructor telling the viewer, "You really suck!" as a reminder that the only way to get better is to practice. My wife likes the type of folk singing that caused John Belushi to grab a singer's guitar in Animal House and smash it to bits. I like the type of heavy metal stuff where the performers smash their own guitars to bits. That genre has the added advantage that, with a little extra money to invest in some distortion pedals and by cranking up the volume, you can cover up a tremendous amount of suckiness. I don't think that's possible with surfing.
20
Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
-- Samuel Beckett
-- Samuel Beckett
19
Though I am a very off key singer, I say all singing is praising the Lord.
9
I don't surf. But I play guitar. And I suck at it. I have been trying to play correctly for ten years. I am patient and I am practicing stubbornly. I play alone or over great recordings. I know I won't get close to the star musicians I love. But, I forget about the world when I play. I guess this is one of the reasons why I do it. We should all have some hobby that allow us to forget about anything else.
63
I was really good at skateboarding decades ago, but some of the (secretly) most enjoyable moments were epic wipeouts. When they didn't hurt.
9
This is how I feel about ice hockey, which I started to play at around 54, and am still passionate about at age 70. It's escape from gravity.
20
When I was working as a turnaround financial manager at a failing manufacturing complex with toxic labor relations, I took up pottery. After a couple of months of instructions, I was the sole amateur in a group of skilled artisans. I ultimately achieved the performance level of a skilled fifth grader. I am still not very good, and my family and friends are saturated with pottery gifts, but I love it.
37
This article reminds me of the quote by Henry Link: "While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and making himself superior."
True, we may never be the best at something, but the purpose sometimes IS the joy in learning something new and the experience we get while learning. Trying new things is fun, but there's great fear in trying because of the false idea that we should be good or great at something by a certain age.
Unrelated to sports, but related in the pursuit of improving a skill, I see this when I learn and use a new word or when someone else uses a less familiar word. There’s playful sneering and sometime contempt for indirectly and unintentionally exposing another’s ignorance.
Not only is it “great to suck at something,” it’s humbling and necessary to admit that we suck and are ignorant in many respects.
If we can admit to this and, like Karen Rinaldi suggests, develop empathy and patience, our communities will be the better for it.
True, we may never be the best at something, but the purpose sometimes IS the joy in learning something new and the experience we get while learning. Trying new things is fun, but there's great fear in trying because of the false idea that we should be good or great at something by a certain age.
Unrelated to sports, but related in the pursuit of improving a skill, I see this when I learn and use a new word or when someone else uses a less familiar word. There’s playful sneering and sometime contempt for indirectly and unintentionally exposing another’s ignorance.
Not only is it “great to suck at something,” it’s humbling and necessary to admit that we suck and are ignorant in many respects.
If we can admit to this and, like Karen Rinaldi suggests, develop empathy and patience, our communities will be the better for it.
5
Wise. Great life lesson. A path to moments of joy. Thank you.
I suck at geography/directions AND electricity. Can't find my way out of a paper bag, don't understand how electricity works. Not that I haven't tried. Read instructional manuals and can read maps. Still don't get it.
It used to frustrate me, now I accept it. I've rewired complete cars with custom electronics and traveled cross-country. Epic fails but eventually made it to the finish line.
I suck at geography/directions AND electricity. Can't find my way out of a paper bag, don't understand how electricity works. Not that I haven't tried. Read instructional manuals and can read maps. Still don't get it.
It used to frustrate me, now I accept it. I've rewired complete cars with custom electronics and traveled cross-country. Epic fails but eventually made it to the finish line.
6
I suck at being president ("Oliver" is not my real name). Who knew it would be this hard? I thought (shame on me) that I was being elected president, you know, to run things, like I run - I mean "ran" - my companies. I could hire and fire, tell people what to do, and make things better. Or at least make money. Or at least not lose money. At least not my own money.
But I've found out, way too late (Sad!) that there are all these other people who get to weigh in, put in their $100,000, think they can tell me - ME!!! - what to do. Well you know what? *They* all suck. Thank god this only lasts until those democrats figure out how to impeach me.
But I've found out, way too late (Sad!) that there are all these other people who get to weigh in, put in their $100,000, think they can tell me - ME!!! - what to do. Well you know what? *They* all suck. Thank god this only lasts until those democrats figure out how to impeach me.
84
For me, writing!
Another metaphor for life.
Sometimes I am going and flowing and in the moment and in the scene and in the character’s head. And then I am not. Just like that! The ‘now’ fleeting like smoke off a wick. The ‘to dos’, the worries, the judgements crowding around, trying to elbow their way in.
But wow, how good it feels when you’re in it! Like the thwack of a pure golf shot. A riff on the guitar. A hug for your child at just the right moment.
Keeps me coming back for more.
Another metaphor for life.
Sometimes I am going and flowing and in the moment and in the scene and in the character’s head. And then I am not. Just like that! The ‘now’ fleeting like smoke off a wick. The ‘to dos’, the worries, the judgements crowding around, trying to elbow their way in.
But wow, how good it feels when you’re in it! Like the thwack of a pure golf shot. A riff on the guitar. A hug for your child at just the right moment.
Keeps me coming back for more.
7
I am one of (probably) millions of weekend golfers who never break a hundred. Actually my golf score is what bowling score should be, and vice versa. But I enjoy golfing and occasional bowling every time. I am "Jack" of all and master of none.
Lower expectations and ability to enjoy whatever you do will never win an Olympic gold medal, but it will make life fun. Mediocrity is normal and universal for human beings.
Lower expectations and ability to enjoy whatever you do will never win an Olympic gold medal, but it will make life fun. Mediocrity is normal and universal for human beings.
8
Great article and responses! It reminded me of being a kid and simply enjoying life as a series of fun adventures, mostly outside. Even learning to wash dishes was a fun accomplishment; maybe not as fun as playing catch with my dad ( football and baseball) but exhilarating in its own way.
7
I am reading The Martian, and the students in my classes are very impressed that Mark Watney can do everything so well. But what if he just sucked at surviving alone on Mars? I think our culture is so focused on success that it ignores the fact that a person may enjoy an activity, but be really bad at that activity. Still, why shouldn't a person do an activity even if they suck at it? Why isn't the learning and enjoyment that comes from failure just as valuable as the learning and enjoyment that comes from success?
7
Trying too hard can be a pitfall.
3
Some days I think I suck at parenting. Other days, at being a good spouse. And many times EVERY day, at being Christlike. But another wave come...and I keep trying. That, I believe, is the purpose of this life: to keep trying with humility, gratefully receiving grace when I fall short.
9
I suck at learning French but toil away, loving it all. I can never be really good at it unless I move to France which I won't do as I have grandkids here. But learning a language is endlessly interesting as well as frustrating. When I go to Paris and use my terrible french, I feel happy and joyful. I have developed friendships there that I would not have if I hadn't tried such a difficult path. I will continue to suck at this language and love it till I die.
18
As someone who "suffers" from perfectionism, I read this essay with great interest. Thank you, Ms. Rinaldi! As Samuel Beckett wrote in "Worstward Ho," "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
11
Compliments to both the author and the commenters on this piece - I recommended more comments than I ever have because they were insightful and enjoyable - and the bagpipe player's "girls have got to rock" even if it's with variations on whoopsies at 106 decibels comment made me laugh out loud!
I recognized a lot of myself from both the piece and the comments - and mentally said a belated but heartfelt thank you to the A and open-level volleyball players in Central Park who happily let me play with them for hours and hours without complaint (and even sent a well-earned compliment my way once in a blue moon). I've always thought that the mark of a true superstar athlete (or intellectual for that matter) was their comfort level not judging or disparaging weaker players (as long as they saw effort) because they were truly only focused on their own craft or gift.
A great read, in total, to start the weekend. Thank you all!
I recognized a lot of myself from both the piece and the comments - and mentally said a belated but heartfelt thank you to the A and open-level volleyball players in Central Park who happily let me play with them for hours and hours without complaint (and even sent a well-earned compliment my way once in a blue moon). I've always thought that the mark of a true superstar athlete (or intellectual for that matter) was their comfort level not judging or disparaging weaker players (as long as they saw effort) because they were truly only focused on their own craft or gift.
A great read, in total, to start the weekend. Thank you all!
27
I'm old enough that when I first graduated to surfing Waikiki, there was no such thing as a 'surf leash'. Wiping out could mean swimming for the better part of an hour. It was not uncommon for loose surfboards to go in, catch a rip current, and be heading back out to sea just as their owners had swum to shore and were futilely searching the beach for their lost boards. A major advantage: this discouraged many 'manly men' of questionable skills from positioning themselves at the peak and wiping out right in front of you. Literally a year after the surf leash was invented, the character of surfing changed, irreducibly and permanently. I'm a big fan of technology, but if you asked me to name an innovation I thought had had a questionable result, I would name the surf leash. 'Surf etiquette', it turns out, is easier to maintain when Mother Nature is the enforcer.
12
The easiest instrument to learn is either the ukulele or the recorder, depending on whom you ask. So for my first attempt at learning to play an instrument (at 45, unable to read music, with a slight but noticeable tremor in both hands) I bought...a 26-string floor harp. Best decision I ever made. I totally suck. I love it so much.
For those who would pee on the parade of sucking, I repeat the point of this essay: there is great, profound joy in doing something for the hell of it and not to win, whatever that might mean. It's telling that a common expression of triumph now is "I crushed it," as if that's the point.
For those who would pee on the parade of sucking, I repeat the point of this essay: there is great, profound joy in doing something for the hell of it and not to win, whatever that might mean. It's telling that a common expression of triumph now is "I crushed it," as if that's the point.
22
At 50, I decided to go back to school and learn Greek. Now I suck at Greek, publicly and in front of a bunch of kids in their twenties, who are really smart. I am the old lady that needs a magnifying glass and the large print edition of every text. I am having so much fun, I started taking ancient Hebrew. Why suck at one Biblical language if I can suck at two?
66
When activities that bring joy to the doer are measured in terms of sucking or being brilliant, the joy of doing is lost. Must we always measure levels of excellence? Why assess in terms of deliverables? These ongoing assessments ruin the pure joy of engaging in doing what you love, getting into the flow, losing yourself: keys to happiness. In other words, just surf because you love surfing, not because you enjoy getting to suck.
7
Consider paddleboarding, or surfing with a crutch as I like to call it, where you will likely suck less while having fun.
You get lots of surfing street cred with a board sticking out of a Mustang convertible and every so often, even sometimes in the Hudson River, it seems like surfing.
I've read it takes 10,000 to become an expert in something. I'm sure I've spent thousands of hours becoming an expert at silliness, including doing headstands on a paddleboard, so if I can't surf that's good enough for me.
http://bit.ly/HeadstandsontheHudson
You get lots of surfing street cred with a board sticking out of a Mustang convertible and every so often, even sometimes in the Hudson River, it seems like surfing.
I've read it takes 10,000 to become an expert in something. I'm sure I've spent thousands of hours becoming an expert at silliness, including doing headstands on a paddleboard, so if I can't surf that's good enough for me.
http://bit.ly/HeadstandsontheHudson
6
It's a game. Nobody's life, health, safety or financial security is at stake. Who cares if you suck at it? If you enjoy it, that's all that matters. And if you stick with it, you'll probably get better at it. Persistence has a habit of paying off.
OK, you may never win a surfing contest, but who cares? It's a game. You do it for pleasure. I'm glad you enjoy it and hope you keep doing it for as long as you continue to enjoy it. I think what's liberating about things like this is realizing that, when it comes to some endeavors, enjoyment is the ONLY thing that matters. It's nice to step off the treadmill and take a break from the pressure once in a while, isn't it?
The trick is to know the difference between things you do purely for personal pleasure and things you do that impact others - to know that some things demand expertise and a high level of competence, and other things just...don't.
If only our current president knew the difference. But if he did, he would never have run for the office.
OK, you may never win a surfing contest, but who cares? It's a game. You do it for pleasure. I'm glad you enjoy it and hope you keep doing it for as long as you continue to enjoy it. I think what's liberating about things like this is realizing that, when it comes to some endeavors, enjoyment is the ONLY thing that matters. It's nice to step off the treadmill and take a break from the pressure once in a while, isn't it?
The trick is to know the difference between things you do purely for personal pleasure and things you do that impact others - to know that some things demand expertise and a high level of competence, and other things just...don't.
If only our current president knew the difference. But if he did, he would never have run for the office.
6
Oh, I suck at so many things -that I've actually gotten quite good at it!
11
The term "sucks" sucks. It implies dismal, total failure. The reality is that each effort attempting mastery varies, and some suck less than others. I see the admission of imperfection as a kind of humility, and the condition hopefully leads to the desire to do better. Also there is the realization that we are all works in progress. Olympic champions still stumble, and continue to practice and reach for higher goals. Those who declare they don't suck are the ones whose failures stand out in high relief. One might point to our president who states he wins so much we will get tired of winning. His lack of humility stands out in stark high relief at 100 days.
7
I suck at baseball. Hated playing it as a kid. Don't even like watching it. But when my son's team needed an assistant coach, I volunteered, and knew I needed to change my thinking. I chose to believe, "I can get better." What a burden that subtle difference in thinking made! I forgave my ignorance and worked to learn the rules and strategies. The team did very well, and my son and I both learned a lot. I still am not much of a fan, but I appreciate the game much more than I did. And I have wonderful memories of that glorious spring and the time I spent with him.
6
This is a wonderful essay. I too love and suck at surfing, and, like the narrator, I'll never stop. It's by far the most fun sport I've ever found and also the most zen. Having the opportunity to fail at something that's so natural and exhilarating is a gift.
7
I've been drawing for years. Every once in a while I surpass my own ability and draw a portrait or figure that is actually very good. It blows away any discouragement I have felt recently and gives me a reason to move on. It makes me think I have turned a corner and maybe passed the "sucky" stage. Then I suck again until the next freak occurrence. The more I practice, the more I hope, and the harder I work, the more freak occurrences I have. The quality of the failures is better than those of a year ago. And now the pleasure I get from tiny advancements is greater than the leaps I had years ago. Sucking is relative.
6
I love to sing but I suck at singing. Yet, despite what the author claims here, every time I belt out a tune people tell me my singing sucks.
3
I enjoy golf much more since I stopped keeping score.
I pay attention just enough to know if I've parred a hole. However, all the double-, triple-, and quadruple-bogeys are immediately forgotten. Nothing is ever written down, and only the tan remains.
I pay attention just enough to know if I've parred a hole. However, all the double-, triple-, and quadruple-bogeys are immediately forgotten. Nothing is ever written down, and only the tan remains.
5
Well at least you don't suck at writing op-ed articles that get published in the New York Times. Congratulations!
24
What a wonderful article. I suck at sim-racing but can't wait to try my next lap and, perhaps, nail that next corner perfectly. Thank you.
1
It seems sucking at something is relative. Many people tell me I'm a good skier, but I know (and ski with) some real expert skiers and I suck in comparison. But I learned in my 30's and I'm proud of my progress and I love it. I plan to do the same with golf at which I truly suck abysmally (but also enjoy).
2
I taught myself to play the piano and relative to any decent piano player I suck. When I listen to someone really good I have the urge to practice and simultaneously the urge to quit for ever. What wins at the end is this strange obsession to become better as something I will never be really good at.
7
I suck at growing carrots. Like REALLY suck. It may seem like a small thing, and in the grand scheme of things it is, but carrots are my nemeses. I've changed soils and water content. Types of seed, transplants and amendments. I've tried different times of year and sun exposure locations. Raised beds, whiskey barrels and straight in the ground. I have a very successful vegetable garden otherwise — I have to give stuff away. But the rarefied carrot stumps me. Every year my carrots — the "easiest vegetable to grow" — are plagued by some disease, pest, fungus or they come out in such badly twisted forms you would swear they share DNA with a contortionist. I could easily scrap the whole thing, call it a day and just buy them at the store. But I just can't give them up. My inner Mr. McGregor won't let it go. And so I persist. Carrots are my reminder that sometimes, no matter how many rules or advice we follow, things are just out of out reach — and that's okay. I may not get my beautiful carrots, but I do get to be outside, get dirty and have the profound joy of humility.
13
This article could not have appeared at a more perfect time in my sporting life. I love to run, but pretty much suck at it. So far, I've logged over 14,000 lifetime miles, including 6 marathons, and yeah ... I still pretty much suck at it. I'm not fast. I'm not graceful. I certainly don't make it look easy. But the thing I am good at is persistence. If I've got a run scheduled, I do it, and I do it in full, no matter the weather or my mood or whatever else threatens to derail me. I get self-conscious sometimes ... but sometimes I think that my willingness to suck at running in public might inspire a stranger or two (who otherwise would be too afraid of, you know, sucking) to try it for themselves. Because running, even badly, makes life immeasurably better.
13
I've been learning how to sew. And I suck at it. My seams are rarely consistent and always amateurish. And, I consistently choose patterns above my grade level, which means, invariably I have to hire a qualified seamstress to re-do the zippers and repair other mistakes. But I don't care and I wear my "creations" with pride and joy. Also, I have taken to sewing gifts such as jewelry bags, pillows, scarves, luggage tags etc. Much to my astonishment, these bungled pieces are highly prized and beloved by the recipients. So much so that I have to make sure I make something for everyone as to not hurt any feelings. I now describe these below-average creations as "authentic".
29
I shoot baskets religiously two to three times a week. I'm terrible. Usually getting one shot out of five. But I never quit. The feeling of hitting a three pointer is nirvana. I can completely relate to this column. I suck at basketball. But I keep trying, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
2
There are few things more beautiful in sports than the sight of a perfectly arced jumper that nestles softly into the cradle of the basketball hoop. I am particularly fond of the baseline jumper and a shot from about a 20 degree angle that banks high of the board and cleanly into the net. All the air balls and bricks cease to matter in that one moment.
1
I suck at boxing but I do it anyway and don't fret when my form isn't perfect or I'm throwing the wrong combination. I've seen improvement and that's what keeps me going back. That and the endorphins.
12
I suck at a lot of things. But sucking at surfing is the best. When you do catch that rare wave and ride it well the whole world changes. You glide, you float, you are with the wave, you are free, and your heart takes a little skip. It’s magic. Heck, if I could catch most of the waves that I try for I might take it for granted. Sucking at surfing is what gets me stoked.
7
I suck on multiple musical instruments, and I love them nonetheless. Kudos to the author for recognizing the thrill of attempting, whatever the outcome.
3
I suck at golf. I would be horrified if I ever calculated the amount of money and time I have spent hacking around golf courses over the past 25 years.
But I kept coming back, until the sixth hole a few weekends ago. After hitting my ball into the same lake TWICE I vowed to put my clubs up for sale on Ebay after the round and never play again. Then the par 3 16th hole happened. My drive landed about two feet from the cup and I sank a birdie. I loved the game again, if for only 10 minutes of a three hour round.
I'll be out hacking again tomorrow. 7:40 am tee time.
But I kept coming back, until the sixth hole a few weekends ago. After hitting my ball into the same lake TWICE I vowed to put my clubs up for sale on Ebay after the round and never play again. Then the par 3 16th hole happened. My drive landed about two feet from the cup and I sank a birdie. I loved the game again, if for only 10 minutes of a three hour round.
I'll be out hacking again tomorrow. 7:40 am tee time.
6
I love to swim and, although I used to be really good at it, at age 74 with COPD I no longer am. But I love it, I still love it no matter what, and I go to the local aquatic center here in Florida and do laps next to the high school swim team and sometimes with Olympic teams and adore watching them race through the water. I don't give a damn that I suck. I'm not even competitive with myself--I don't count laps, I just swim until I'm tired and get out of the water. If I last 30 minutes that's a good workout. Swimming is my exercise, my therapy, my meditation, my happy time. .I use swim fins to move a little faster, and goggles so I can see underwater. Just being able to do it at all is good enough.
45
I suck too, but I have a strong feeling this is going to be a great summer!
6
Acquaintances who are ivy league Alpha types will say to me, "I don't do that, I am not good at it" when asked if they wanted to try an activity with me. Of course the point is to have fun. I guess that some think they can't have fun with something they suck at.
6
I'm a "bad" surfer but I do it because it's fun, not because "it's good to suck at something." You don't have to be great at something to enjoy it. Focus less on how people are "rating" you and more on whether or not you're enjoying yourself. That's what matters.
6
I suck at everything I do. I've written entire books about how bad I suck at the jobs I've had (from dishwasher to professional philosopher), hockey, the violin, parenting; the list is long. I've never published any of it because I suck at writing, too.
But it is fun.
But it is fun.
12
...hang in there. It only took me 18 years to figure out how to surf. I sense you are close.
2
Brain surgery...HEY....I think these first 100 days could've been much worse.
2
A friend (a biologist) once explained the steps of Mastery to me.
A beginner looks at a flower and thinks "Pretty."
A journeyman looks at a flower and thinks Mitosis, ATP Transport, Photosynthesis, the journeyman does not see the flower but sees the process.
A master looks at a flower and thinks "Pretty," but now he/she knows why.
A beginner looks at a flower and thinks "Pretty."
A journeyman looks at a flower and thinks Mitosis, ATP Transport, Photosynthesis, the journeyman does not see the flower but sees the process.
A master looks at a flower and thinks "Pretty," but now he/she knows why.
5
Why do we all feel so compelled to feel we have to try and explain everything that we do. It's like we go through our entire life feeling like kids with our mothers watching over us and constantly asking what and why we're doing what we're doing. Why isn't because I want to just good enough? So much for this so called freedom of ours.
It's like this friend of mine who just loves to travel. When she's off to somewhere else people invariably ask why she's going there. Her latest justification really made me laugh. Because I want to go to all the countries that end with Stan. . . . Okay, whatever.
It's like this friend of mine who just loves to travel. When she's off to somewhere else people invariably ask why she's going there. Her latest justification really made me laugh. Because I want to go to all the countries that end with Stan. . . . Okay, whatever.
Karen, I will be at Torrance Beach, desperately trying to pop up if you want to join me. It's just so much fun.
3
Am I a human being or a human doing?
8
I write poetry...poorly mostly...and am often frustrated by my efforts... a teacher once said, "if you don't meet your own standards, lower your standards and keep writing". That reminded me the process is the point and as others have said, when I'm engaged in my personal and private quest, I am riveted in my attention and fully alive. That feeling is priceless.
3
Golf. Really inconsistent. Technically abyssmal. And yet I persist. The bird song, the vistas at my home course in Jersey City. The thrill of that one decent tee shot or a putt that got really really close. Being my own best friend on the course and giving myself a break. Oh to be able to translate that to everyday life!
3
I am a amateur trombonist and I like to say that what I lack in talent I make up in enthusiasm.
48
An accomplished surfer told me it generally takes 7 years to get good at this, one of the most difficult activity / sports, to master. The only time I made it up was on my way down.
1
Surfing? Photography? yes!
Brain surgery? Air Traffic Control? Not so much....
Brain surgery? Air Traffic Control? Not so much....
2
That is why I still go fishing. There is always hope. One can do poorly and still have a good day . When pressed ,always claim to be a catch and release advocate.
5
I had the good fortune to surf with a friend in high school who was exceptionally good at the sport. I had the realization that I would never be in his league. So I have been free to enjoy my modest competency for 45 years of fun.
5
Why does every activity have to have a reason for its doing? So now we do things badly because of the lessons we learn from it.
Does anyone do anything any longer simply because it brings pleasure, joy, satisfaction, contentment, happiness? Does it all have to incorporated into some set of (as in this case pre-chewed) life lessons, performance metrics, impact assessment on one's personal growth, etc. etc. etc.
So here we fail to perhaps "develop more empathy." Does it ever occur to anyone that maybe if you go out with the intention of "failing" in order to (successfully) develop more empathy that you are thereby turning failing into yet another intentional mechanism? You can't intend to fail. You simply cannot. Failure only occurs unintentionally.
And this article fails.
Does anyone do anything any longer simply because it brings pleasure, joy, satisfaction, contentment, happiness? Does it all have to incorporated into some set of (as in this case pre-chewed) life lessons, performance metrics, impact assessment on one's personal growth, etc. etc. etc.
So here we fail to perhaps "develop more empathy." Does it ever occur to anyone that maybe if you go out with the intention of "failing" in order to (successfully) develop more empathy that you are thereby turning failing into yet another intentional mechanism? You can't intend to fail. You simply cannot. Failure only occurs unintentionally.
And this article fails.
6
For me it is golf.
Fortunately, for my pride if nothing else, I am not alone!
Fortunately, for my pride if nothing else, I am not alone!
Running... jogging - even walking. I will be the first to admit that I suck at it.
I used to get asked by classmates, Why do you walk (run) like that? I don't bend my knees very much and I have an uneven gait. My feet kind of flail. My knees and feet hurt with every landing as I jog, forcing me to stop after a minute to recover. My face becomes nearly purple as I heat up. Sweat soaks my hair to the ends after 40 minutes. I can't run much faster than a 13 minute mile or else I get sick. My chiropractor has even told me that I should probably stop because my body isn't built for it. I dont have "good running genetics."
But I do it because everyone has told me that I can't and because it makes me feel free. It may not be the way everyone else does it, and I get stares from passerby's, but I'm grateful that my legs still move and carry me. I am registered for my first half-marathon in November. If - when - I finish, it wI'll be a victory for those who suck at running.
I used to get asked by classmates, Why do you walk (run) like that? I don't bend my knees very much and I have an uneven gait. My feet kind of flail. My knees and feet hurt with every landing as I jog, forcing me to stop after a minute to recover. My face becomes nearly purple as I heat up. Sweat soaks my hair to the ends after 40 minutes. I can't run much faster than a 13 minute mile or else I get sick. My chiropractor has even told me that I should probably stop because my body isn't built for it. I dont have "good running genetics."
But I do it because everyone has told me that I can't and because it makes me feel free. It may not be the way everyone else does it, and I get stares from passerby's, but I'm grateful that my legs still move and carry me. I am registered for my first half-marathon in November. If - when - I finish, it wI'll be a victory for those who suck at running.
27
I suck at golf! I've "played" for years, taken umpteen lessons, purchased new clubs guaranteed to make the ball go farther and straighter, but I still suck at golf. I love the commercial which says, "I'm terrible at golf, but I want to be terrible at golf for as long as I can." I live for the occasional good shot, and I love being on the course on a beautiful sunny day. I am not going to beat myself up because I suck at golf. I'm just going to enjoy the experience.
1
With my 68th birthday coming in just a month, bad knees and extra weight to drag around, I still see myself as a hiker. Add to this that I currently am a teacher at the Grand Canyon USD and live in the national park where people hike down to the bottom daily. Although I mostly stick to "rim hikes" now, I still think of myself as a hiker. I will probably limp along a few miles today and feel accomplished! Why not? Better than sitting at home and bemoaning my fate!
3
Cool. Thank you.
1
Man, what a blessing to read this! Four years ago, at age 75, I tried my hand at painting. I had great fun for a while, then struggled for a while, and then put it aside, having decided that my work sucked and would never improve. Now and again I would give it another shot.
I had tried everything I could think of--more brushes, different paints, better lighting, yaketa yaketa.
But today , I learn--Suck Is Good.
Excuse me, I'm going to paint a bit.
Thanks
I had tried everything I could think of--more brushes, different paints, better lighting, yaketa yaketa.
But today , I learn--Suck Is Good.
Excuse me, I'm going to paint a bit.
Thanks
16
What a great article!!! I too sucked at surfing but I let it get to me and eventually gave it up. I wish this article was around during those times..i'd still be at it..flailing and falling like a total kook.
1
I am 67 and have been playing golf, off and on, for 50 years. By any measure I am not very good. And at 67, I'm not going to get a whole lot better. This doesn't prevent me from continually watching YouTube videos for tips and drills, subscribing to golf magazines, going to the driving range etc. I've finally wised up and stopped taking lessons. A true example of throwing good money after bad if there ever was one. But I probably hit a dozen very good shots a round, and that is enough. The blue skies, scent of freshly mown grass and 19th hole take care of the rest.
3
The great thing about sucking at something is the opportunity it gives you to learn both about whatever it is you suck at, about the myriad other things tow which those lessons apply, and especially about yourself. Failing at something is the best way to learn it.
24
I feel so much better about myself.
3
This essay doesn't suck!
7
Ms. Rinaldi, you don't suck at surfing, you suck at sitting on the couch watching other people surf, congratulations, you win.
8
Maybe you suck at surfing but you don't suck at life. Sucking at life because you are afraid to enjoy something even if you aren't perfect would really suck. Hey, you wrote a brilliant column so you are not a hodad author.
8
I suck at almost everything that involves coordination. People close to me cannot believe how little I improve even with practice. Luckily I have a sense of humor about it and keep going!
4
Growing up a surfer and being part of the "west coast" 1960's surf culture, I now suck at surfing as well. But something I've learned over the many years is it's not all about riding the wave..it's the sights and sounds as you sit and wait for the next one that really centers your soul.
6
I've been working on my jazz piano masterpiece for 6 months now. It is perfect in every sense. Every note, beat, and space is brilliantly structured and executed - in my head. Now if I can only get my fingers to comply accordingly. I love/hate the pursuit of perfection.
4
Take heart - many great composers could not play any of the instruments they wrote for...
4
Haha I must be talented because I suck at so many things!
Perseverance is the key. I was a mediocre swimmer in high school, OK I pretty much sucked.
But I have kept swimming over the years, as my former teammates have lapsed and become fat. Recently I was first in my age group (over 50) for men in an 800 yard open water swim.
The best part is that no one cares about my stroke or even my times--friends are just amazed that a 50-something guy could swim 800 yards in choppy lake water without drowning.
Perseverance is the key. I was a mediocre swimmer in high school, OK I pretty much sucked.
But I have kept swimming over the years, as my former teammates have lapsed and become fat. Recently I was first in my age group (over 50) for men in an 800 yard open water swim.
The best part is that no one cares about my stroke or even my times--friends are just amazed that a 50-something guy could swim 800 yards in choppy lake water without drowning.
17
A very nice and enlightening piece. I can remember sucking at surfing when I learned it on my own years ago. The humility and persistence got me to a better place, as I found it to be freeing. When I finally figured it out (to some extent w my 9'6" Hansen Cardiff board) the bliss was that much more awesome. I think best stated by the Beach Boys(?), "Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world" As life has rolled along, I now have another activity to take its place - golf. Many will know how well this sport also teaches humility.
ah so - thank you for the explanation of 'beginner's mind' (many possibilities compared to the expert's few) - I was not aware of or had forgotten this
when I walk around with my zen/empty/no-mind I have no thought in my mind but notice everything - leaves gently rusting in the breeze, shadows on buildings, reflections on glass, a small child's hesitation, an old person's difficulty - and often comment to a companion to which they are usually 'huh?' - they would have missed it due to their busy mind thinking about something else not in the present moment.
when I walk around with my zen/empty/no-mind I have no thought in my mind but notice everything - leaves gently rusting in the breeze, shadows on buildings, reflections on glass, a small child's hesitation, an old person's difficulty - and often comment to a companion to which they are usually 'huh?' - they would have missed it due to their busy mind thinking about something else not in the present moment.
9
I was so bad at figure skating that I actually came in 2nd in a competition in which I was the only competitor! I asked my coach what that was about and she said I hadn't met the standards, blah blah blah, so the judges didn't think I deserved first. I thought that was hilarious . ( I was an adult beginner).
I still loved the challenge and thrill and I can actually do back crossovers...
I still loved the challenge and thrill and I can actually do back crossovers...
28
There should have been at least some small bit of consideration paid to the idea being bad at surfing can be a hazard to all other surfers, good or bad. For respect of the sport, activity, or whatever you prefer to call it, some acknowledgement that waves are a limited resource, and by being another person in the ocean where people are trying to surf, you may be diminishing others' experience should have been included. This is an aspect of Sufing that is particular to itself. On any day where there are surfable waves, the beaches are full of people trying to catch them. Crowds are a problem.
To all readers: if you want to learn to surf, please feel free. Please understand however that as a beginner you will at worse be a danger to other surfers, and at best be an obstacle. Before you start, it is important to understand the basic safety and right-of-way guidelines of surfing. It would probably be a good idea to surf in the least crowded areas until you achieve some level of competency. This is something that should be done for respect of the other people who have already dedicated years to surfing.
To all readers: if you want to learn to surf, please feel free. Please understand however that as a beginner you will at worse be a danger to other surfers, and at best be an obstacle. Before you start, it is important to understand the basic safety and right-of-way guidelines of surfing. It would probably be a good idea to surf in the least crowded areas until you achieve some level of competency. This is something that should be done for respect of the other people who have already dedicated years to surfing.
3
You were a beginner once too. We all were.
5
Let's all get out of the way of the only people deserving of using the shore! All hail the Real Surfers!
You missed the point, friend.
You missed the point, friend.
8
"So why continue? Why pursue something I’ll never be good at?"
Because it's fun?
No, that cannot be the right answer, because drawing attention to yourself and your own activities is the real answer. Truth be told, none of your friends care anything about surfing or your apparent lack of expertise. They want people who are bad at things to stop bragging about it as badly as they want people who are good at things to stop bragging about it.
Because it's fun?
No, that cannot be the right answer, because drawing attention to yourself and your own activities is the real answer. Truth be told, none of your friends care anything about surfing or your apparent lack of expertise. They want people who are bad at things to stop bragging about it as badly as they want people who are good at things to stop bragging about it.
5
I suck at something like Golf -- same clubs and courses but many infringements on the 'rules'. The game is endlessly varying. The challenge is there for even the most accomplished players. I have tried to play better golf since I was a teen-ager and I am now 78. Recently shot a 75 on a 66 rated course. I was thrilled! I practice almost every day which helps with flexibility and balance. I walk the course so I average over three miles per day. It is a great game to puncture pride and arrogance with slices, hooks, tops, and thin/fat shots ... missing those three foot putts!
I suck at most any sport but I don't care--others do though. My most vivid experience of sport involvement was while in gym class grade school. I had done something wrong while playing baseball, I think I missed a catch or something. My classmates, yes, there were several, proceeded to slam my head and body with their ball gloves. I can still visualize the hateful grimaces on the faces of those that were angered by my failure.
Ms Rinaldi, I think your article is very good and I enjoyed your humor. I, now at 70 years old, have never been able to overcome my grade school experience on the playing field. My sports involvement now is entirely solitary.
I have fun with those solitary sports and, by others standards, I suck at those too.
Ms Rinaldi, I think your article is very good and I enjoyed your humor. I, now at 70 years old, have never been able to overcome my grade school experience on the playing field. My sports involvement now is entirely solitary.
I have fun with those solitary sports and, by others standards, I suck at those too.
7
Love this! Catching a wave in Santa Barbara is one of the most memorable experiences of my life. Oh, where do I begin? (While learning to "play" violin my favorite song was "The Impossible Dream")...I love a good challenge! In martial arts, one legend is: while training and focusing on the katas, over the years the dust and dirt accumulated while getting knocked down, etc. and over the years the master's white belt turned black. Yes, I almost broke my hand getting my black belt! another legend goes that, earning the black belt shows that you have earned your way to begin to learn Karate. That one is my favorite. Surf on!! Wave come.
Every wave you catch is also new to it and has never been riden before.
2
Not only do I suck at golf -- a sport that seems to encourage inflated self-assessments by many players of their own proficiency -- I also write about the game. Your column brought to mind an interview I once did with the recently deceased Don Rickles, who said, "I was never really able to enjoy playing golf until I accepted that I stunk."
6
Why I take piano lessons and whyI also knit and sew - badly. I seem to gravitate to doing things in my spare time that require abilities (spacial intelligence - musicality) that I simply don't have. I think the author has it down right although I might put it differently. It's fun to work at something and to get better (if only marginally) when your ego isn't involved.
3
I used to suck at Flamenco started in my forties. Most of the time I was like an unmoored washing machine on spin cycle, but once in a very rare while I was spot on in rhythm and became powerful, beautiful, and musical for a glorious moment. I damaged my foot hiking, so 5 years ago at 61 years, I started studying French in an effort to completely destroy any self esteem I had left. Progress is slow, I have no ear for it, and I really suck, but once in a very rare while, I know what people are saying and I feel powerful, beautiful and musical!
10
I adored and simultaneously sucked at rock climbing for years. Others went from couch to 5.11 in six months; it took me more than six years. After fourteen years, I suck less now, but I don't enjoy it more than I did when my tush was hanging three feet off a vertical wall and my best friend was asking, "Do I look that stupid?" Nope, it was just as fun, then.
This article reminds me of Americans' general fear of failure -- and, more importantly, admitting failure -- and how often it prevents us from really learning. The examples I can think of have to do with American car companies (no longer in Formula 1), the birth of NASCAR; and, separately, individual behaviors in the sciences; but the general sense I get is that Americans have stopped understanding that to learn and to ultimately excel, we have to be able to point at and admit the things we suck at. And work at them.
Thanks for the reminder!
This article reminds me of Americans' general fear of failure -- and, more importantly, admitting failure -- and how often it prevents us from really learning. The examples I can think of have to do with American car companies (no longer in Formula 1), the birth of NASCAR; and, separately, individual behaviors in the sciences; but the general sense I get is that Americans have stopped understanding that to learn and to ultimately excel, we have to be able to point at and admit the things we suck at. And work at them.
Thanks for the reminder!
4
I will be 70 in December yet 3 years ago I took up horseback riding. I rode as a kid and thought it would be easy to pick it up. WRONG. What I forgot about was the balance and leg strength required. I have had quite a journey: fallen off twice, been nipped/bitten by the horse and have been the object of curiosity/scorn/amusement to all the 10year olds and their parents at the barn. I still SUCK but love it. I lease a horse now, have begun to try jumping, and find its the most exhilarating thing in my life.
I have been athletic all my life so I don't mind being terrible. My goal is not competition/Olympics but mastery, which is, of course a false premise. I have never been more 'in the moment' than when I am cantering on my horse!!
I have been athletic all my life so I don't mind being terrible. My goal is not competition/Olympics but mastery, which is, of course a false premise. I have never been more 'in the moment' than when I am cantering on my horse!!
16
As I get older, I find that learning how to do something new can be extraordinarily satisfying. That includes improving at that thing, even slowly. In fact, that is one of the several (surprise!) joyous rewards of retirement and aging. And if you like yourself, your thoughts are good company during the adventures.
4
The headline of this piece is a little disturbing yet I cheer the author on in her pursuit of waves and the many joys of surfing. For this surfer the thrill of catching a wave still holds as much fascination and excitement as it did 1/2 century ago when I started. Enjoy!
1
We suck at singing in pitch together, never mind harmony, and we have a one-tune repertoire. Yet we will sing Happy Birthday to anyone at any time - yes, even to our violinist friend surrounded by her peers during symphony intermission. It is one of our greatest accomplishments - all we have to do is look at the smile we created to know this.
I wish all adults would get over the fear of being abysmally unperfect in public and do whatever it is that they secretly have wanted to do for decades.
I wish all adults would get over the fear of being abysmally unperfect in public and do whatever it is that they secretly have wanted to do for decades.
7
Unfortunately too many of our children are being raised to expect perfection of themselves. I wonder if constantly hearing "good job" has something to do with it, My 13 year old grandson recently would not allow anyone but his mother (who drove him) to attend his middle school band concert because they weren't playing very well this year. I found it troubling.
6
Sometimes it is just about being out in the water - which may be enough. Everything else is a bonus.
6
I suck at the bagpipes, yet I play them with gusto for an hour each evening (a girl's gotta rock). Truthfully, this is the sanest part of my day, even though each tune is 'Variation on Whoopsie at 106 Decibels'.
Thank you, neighbors, for putting up with me.
Thank you, neighbors, for putting up with me.
22
There's a special run down castle awaiting you on the northern coast of Isle of Skye. It says on the plaque that it was used to train the bagpipers and it was about as far away from the town as possible.
6
How can you tell if someone sucks at the bagpipes?
9
Many musicians would say everyone sucks at bagpipes (most hated instrument).
3
I've been surfing for over 50 years, I don't suck, but at my age i'll pass
on the triple overhead days. Surfing is not an easy sport to master, their
are may variables like wave size, current strength, water temp, type of
break, and crowd size ,plus if you want to succeed you've got to be in shape, Not every body in the world surfs like the pro's, but you can still rip and have fun.
on the triple overhead days. Surfing is not an easy sport to master, their
are may variables like wave size, current strength, water temp, type of
break, and crowd size ,plus if you want to succeed you've got to be in shape, Not every body in the world surfs like the pro's, but you can still rip and have fun.
I walk my dogs up and down the Hudson every day, belting out whatever I happen to be listening to on iTunes at the top of my lungs. I can't carry a tune to save my life. And I don't care.
10
I am 55 years old. I finally caught my first wave on my 53 birthday after having tried for 2 years. I have not been that happy in a long time. I went surfing probably 15 times before I finally did it. Gradually I got better. I went to Kauai a little over a year ago where the waves are perfect, and surfed the best I ever have. One wave in particular at Kalapaki Beach was the best. 10 seconds of sheer bliss. (I let out a whoop on that one) Since I have been back if feels like I regressed. I have gone out to El Porto (Manhattah Beach) in the nasty, choppy, sloppy, waves that hit one after another, and both times I could not even paddle out into the lineup. Trying to fight the waves to get out there left me exhausted. In fact I busted a surf board both times. But I will persevere. I will be out there this summer doing it again and back to Kauai in January. Those few seconds when it works makes it all worthwhile. 9 months ago I stated playing guitar, and found something new to be not so good at. But again I am getting better. It's much easier to improve on the guitar, then at surfing.
5
I've been sucking at playing the guitar for 35 years. My college friends used to howl at the door whenever I played and sang. I suck at singing too. Still, I am never happier than when I play and sing and luckily my Jane loves to hear me play and sing anyway. How lucky can you get?
13
Perhaps it depends upon what scale one uses to measure her proficiency, in surfing and everything else in life. Compared to those whom we outperform, we're "good" and compared to those who outperform us, we "suck". On that scale, it's all relative.
Against an agreed upon notion of perfection, we all suck, by a little or a lot. Just one more reason to focus more on the "process by which", than the actual "outcome".
The outcome is a byproduct of the process and an excessive focus on the outcome contaminates that process.
Against an agreed upon notion of perfection, we all suck, by a little or a lot. Just one more reason to focus more on the "process by which", than the actual "outcome".
The outcome is a byproduct of the process and an excessive focus on the outcome contaminates that process.
2
Wonderful theme, wonderfully written. Thanks for a refreshing reminder that we aren't all great and therein the wonder lies.
5
I loved this article. For me, there's something deeply affecting about surfing and fly fishing. I'm not particularly skillful at catching either wave or fish. However, being out on the water or wading through a river delivers a comforting dose of humility, beauty, and solitude.
3
I suck at poetry. I will never be anything but a journeyman. I write, revise, and read every day. It has taken me to open mics in parts of town I would not see in my regular travels. I have friends I would never have known. I live for that prompt I can follow. I have learned rejection and the joy of the rare acceptance. In 50 plus years it has brought great joy. Someday my monkeys will produce a great poem.
1
What a terrific metaphor for life!
My very imperfect dad said on many occasions that whatever I did in life, the only thing that was important is that I be the best at it. I thought I had rejected this awful directive but I did work hard and when I became a psychologist I was proud of the "fact" that I was so good at what I did. But when a patient came back 30 years after I first treated her, I told her I owed my patients from back then an apology.
I can remember those times in my career when I realized that my wonderful set of skills and store of knowledge wasn't that wonderful at all. I remember when it sucked to realize that my focus on what the patient thought left out way too much of what the patient felt. And I recall when I realized I could focus on what the patient felt and still not fully appreciate that person's experience of being in their lives.
Each time my old perspective got worn out another came along that seemed richer and deeper and all the more gratifying. I look forward to finding out that I suck again. And I hope that never ends.
My very imperfect dad said on many occasions that whatever I did in life, the only thing that was important is that I be the best at it. I thought I had rejected this awful directive but I did work hard and when I became a psychologist I was proud of the "fact" that I was so good at what I did. But when a patient came back 30 years after I first treated her, I told her I owed my patients from back then an apology.
I can remember those times in my career when I realized that my wonderful set of skills and store of knowledge wasn't that wonderful at all. I remember when it sucked to realize that my focus on what the patient thought left out way too much of what the patient felt. And I recall when I realized I could focus on what the patient felt and still not fully appreciate that person's experience of being in their lives.
Each time my old perspective got worn out another came along that seemed richer and deeper and all the more gratifying. I look forward to finding out that I suck again. And I hope that never ends.
7
A similar attitude freed my golf game from the shackles of expectations and the inevitable disappointment that follows. A single satisfying shot during a round, or finding more balls than I lose, is sufficient to call it a successful outing. Of course, the occasional drink cart visit doesn't hurt.
1
I can't make a decent pie crust to save my life. Yet, I love pies, and especially the pie crust, so I keep trying. When I share this epic fail with people, I invariably get advice and another recipe for 'fool proof' pie dough. My recipe box is stuffed with with them. I need to literally stand next to someone who makes good pie dough and watch - particularly the part when the water is added. I think that is where I mess up.
I've been failing at pie dough for over 40 years.
I've been failing at pie dough for over 40 years.
3
As a 60 year old female softball player my greatest value these days in our coed league is being a woman who shows up reliably. In my younger years I hit and threw better (never ran well), but now I have a lot more fun. Just making a couple of plays and maybe getting on base any old way makes me happy. My team may not make the playoffs, but our players return each season just for the joy of playing.
1
I suck at playing the guitar. I started playing at age 45, so I’ll always suck compared to “real musicians”. I own a guitar that is far better than my skills deserve; occasionally I give it to a real musician to hear how beautiful it sounds when played by one who does not suck. I keep playing anyway, because I quietly love the process: I enjoy the sounds I make and I get completely absorbed in the repetition of practicing intensely to make tiny yet somehow satisfying incremental improvements, discernible only by me. With tiny steps forward, I believe that I suck in a slightly better way than I sucked before.
To suck with success, we need hope for progress, however small. I recently visited an old friend in England who also sucks at guitar. To my dismay, he had given up playing, frustrated by the feeling of always sucking and never improving. It seemed he had lost the ability to search for tiny improvements; instead he was just bored of sucking in the same way over and over. I’ve sent him your article; I hope it will help him.
To suck with success, we need hope for progress, however small. I recently visited an old friend in England who also sucks at guitar. To my dismay, he had given up playing, frustrated by the feeling of always sucking and never improving. It seemed he had lost the ability to search for tiny improvements; instead he was just bored of sucking in the same way over and over. I’ve sent him your article; I hope it will help him.
6
You aren't doing it wrong if no one knows what you are doing
2
Golf
An endlessly vexing game. For the amount of time I have spent on the golf course I am awful. But it is a completely engaging activity that keeps you coming back for more humiliation and the occasional tease of a successful shot.
An endlessly vexing game. For the amount of time I have spent on the golf course I am awful. But it is a completely engaging activity that keeps you coming back for more humiliation and the occasional tease of a successful shot.
7
I started skiing at 47 in Telluride. I was/am not a natural, but with some great instructors and now I'm an intermediate skier.
I stick to the Blue cruisers but every once in a while find myself on a harder trail and fail.
Besides the beauty of the mountains and the thrill of skiing, what brings me back is being lost in the moment...no job or other worries just the challenge of the mountain.
I stick to the Blue cruisers but every once in a while find myself on a harder trail and fail.
Besides the beauty of the mountains and the thrill of skiing, what brings me back is being lost in the moment...no job or other worries just the challenge of the mountain.
8
In a country obsessed with blindly worshipping " the pros" this is pretty refreshing. You can have fun, it hasn't been made illegal yet!
45
This sounds so much like the decades I spent trying to telemark ski. Lessons, practice, and (especially) improvements in equipment eventually enabled fairly decent turns on the rare days when the gods were all smiling, but of course by that time age was starting to catch up with me. "Remain hopeful that this time will be better than the last" pretty much sums it up. I had similar experiences, though less perseverance, in quite a few other endeavors--sailing, motorcycles, horseback riding, rock climbing, and mountain biking come to mind. A behavioral psychologist would probably say that telemark skiing offered just enough food pellets at sufficiently random intervals to keep me engaged. In my dotage, I seem to garner similar rewards from bicycle touring, though in smaller increments. Thanks for this insightful column. Here's to earnest amateurs everywhere.
18
I such at piano playing but love to make my way through the Great American Songbook tunes. For me the greatest benefit is learning to appreciate the people who do not suck at it! Years ago I bumbled through "Polka Dots and Moonbeams." Then I heard Bill Evans play it on a recording. My appreciation of jazz deepened tenfold that day.
4
ms rinaldi may be late coming to the fold, discovering both an obsession and her own limits in pursuit.
less certain is her characterization, "it's great to suck at something," dead ending a much more positive and, look around (!) prevalent engagement with obsession or, if you will, compelling curiosity.
legions of golfers and tennis players, just to pick examples, have struggled (and spent!) in thrall to their passion, but none encountered in decades of personal experience has been content with celebration of his or her failures, "sucking" as ms rinaldi has it.
to be sure failure is accepted but rather as challenge, motive and cue, if you will, than cause for content.
the effort to shave a stroke, to hit the corner of the service box with an inside-out serve has been the grail and failures the foundation for adjustments toward those goals.
"If we accept our failures and persevere nonetheless, we might provide a respite from the imperative to succeed and instead find acceptance in trying. Failing is O.K. Better still, isn’t it a relief?" ms rinaldi contends...yet she is delighted "on those occasions" when she manages a decent try, no disgrace in that, no (heaven forfend !) soul-searing competitive streak
revealed in a "fist pump or a hoot."
hint: with a minimum of diligence, ms rinaldi might discover some joy (and pride) in more frequent "decent drops" while having no fear that failure will abandon her, it awaits inevitably at the next level.
less certain is her characterization, "it's great to suck at something," dead ending a much more positive and, look around (!) prevalent engagement with obsession or, if you will, compelling curiosity.
legions of golfers and tennis players, just to pick examples, have struggled (and spent!) in thrall to their passion, but none encountered in decades of personal experience has been content with celebration of his or her failures, "sucking" as ms rinaldi has it.
to be sure failure is accepted but rather as challenge, motive and cue, if you will, than cause for content.
the effort to shave a stroke, to hit the corner of the service box with an inside-out serve has been the grail and failures the foundation for adjustments toward those goals.
"If we accept our failures and persevere nonetheless, we might provide a respite from the imperative to succeed and instead find acceptance in trying. Failing is O.K. Better still, isn’t it a relief?" ms rinaldi contends...yet she is delighted "on those occasions" when she manages a decent try, no disgrace in that, no (heaven forfend !) soul-searing competitive streak
revealed in a "fist pump or a hoot."
hint: with a minimum of diligence, ms rinaldi might discover some joy (and pride) in more frequent "decent drops" while having no fear that failure will abandon her, it awaits inevitably at the next level.
" The point is the patience and perseverance it requires to get back on the board and try again." Really? I am all for patience and perseverance, particularly perseverance, but what I've seen and experienced most prominently in surfers is hunger. The hunger is for the next wave, and then the next, and the next, good or bad.
15 years ago I took windsurfing lessons from the iconic freestyler Andy Brandt in Ogallala, NE of all places. Hugh O'Brian (not Wyatt Earp) at 86 was taking lessons along side us. That's my goal: I want to be working on some basic move at 86. I'm 15 years closer, I still suck, but I've got 18 years of trying ahead. RIP, Hugh. I'll see you on the water.
6
I suck at Russian. I started trying to learn it in retirement and because I've spent lots of time teaching in Russia. When I tell people I try, they are in awe - but I also tell them how awful I am at it. I think after about age 7, language acquisition abilities keep dying. In your 60s, it's really hard.
But something makes me keep trying. And that's just fine.
But something makes me keep trying. And that's just fine.
8
Thank you for the gift of spirit in this piece. I am now going to go play my guitar, which I suck at but truly enjoy. I wonder if I can count on Duke's wisdom while I continue to struggle; will rhythm come? Does rhythm always come?
3
The banjo. I really stuck at it, everyday. A well played note is rarer than a well ridden wave, I am sure. The pleasure comes from trying something so difficult with no hope of reward. And the fact that even though I totally suck at banjo and always will, I'm probably better at it than you are.
4
Just reading this story gave me a sense of liberation and relaxation, and I don't even have to get wet. Thank you!
11
I've been surfing since 1964. I'm 68 now and still surf. I peaked thirty years ago, but still love the hiss of the water as I pump turns down the line. Behavioral psychologists say my addiction is sustained by intermittent reinforcement. I agree. You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
3
You are my hero!
As a member of the Greater Springfield Harriers running club, I hold the distinction of having completed more Snowstorm Classic 5K road races (6 or 7 per season are held each winter in Springfield, MA) than any other contestant - 173 since 1982.
Yet, I have won nothing, hold no age group records or victories, and have no reason to believe that anyone other than me knows that I hold this record.
It serves as a light in my world of never having excelled at any sport, but having truly enjoyed them all.
As a member of the Greater Springfield Harriers running club, I hold the distinction of having completed more Snowstorm Classic 5K road races (6 or 7 per season are held each winter in Springfield, MA) than any other contestant - 173 since 1982.
Yet, I have won nothing, hold no age group records or victories, and have no reason to believe that anyone other than me knows that I hold this record.
It serves as a light in my world of never having excelled at any sport, but having truly enjoyed them all.
13
A couple of years ago, I 'learned' to ski at the tender young age of 50. A couple of years later, I still suck. But I'm lucky in that I have friends who do know how to ski, some of them are even instructors. Sometimes they take me out on a 'fun run,' no judgment, no instruction, just skiing for its sake. When we stop, I can see one of them about to say something like, "Keep your eyes up," or, "Try keeping your elbows out..." When I see this, I raise a finger to my lips. Let me suck. It's kind of fun. Hey, when you get to the point where you can't get much better, you lose the joy of trying and failing -- the joy of learning.
Every once and again, however, I am that person I see in my mind's eye, carving silent turns, picking a great line, skiing without thinking. Then I catch an edge. Because I suck. And that's okay. Because, to quote Stuart Smalley, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
Every once and again, however, I am that person I see in my mind's eye, carving silent turns, picking a great line, skiing without thinking. Then I catch an edge. Because I suck. And that's okay. Because, to quote Stuart Smalley, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
4
Well, I do suck at dancing. For every two steps, I take at least one to correct where I am, get back into the rhythm, apologize to the owner of the foot I've just stepped on. Hard then to distinguish between, I suck at dancing, and I suck.
Arguably, if I suck at enough things, or suck bad enough at one or two, I really do suck. It's an easy trap, one I fell into often enough as a young man.
A few years ago, I caught a lifeline (literally): Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less.
Arguably, if I suck at enough things, or suck bad enough at one or two, I really do suck. It's an easy trap, one I fell into often enough as a young man.
A few years ago, I caught a lifeline (literally): Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less.
8
At age 67 I acted on a long standing desire to learn music and to play tenor saxophone. A very humbling experience. It has become abundantly clear that this is an endeavor I should have embarked upon much sooner.
As I now tell folks who ask me about my playing and progress, "I truly suck, but I suck less than when I started." We must revel in our modest accomplishments and occasional moments of triumph.
As I now tell folks who ask me about my playing and progress, "I truly suck, but I suck less than when I started." We must revel in our modest accomplishments and occasional moments of triumph.
13
I really suck at darts. You do not want to be in the room when I play.
13
Grew up in north Florida and ripped at a competitive level. Moved to New York and lost it. Complete kook. And when I paddle out now, I can't stop smiling. Liberated by the pure fun of it. As it should be.
8
I couldn't agree more with this article. I am an architect and obsessed with achieving perfection in the buildings I design, and constantly engaged in critiquing my own work and that if my peers. I realized a few years ago that I needed some pursuits that were outside of scrutiny. I came to enjoy photography and playing the guitar. But I intentionally keep those activities to myself, so that I can take pleasure in the activities themselves, without the slightest concern for whether or not I am good at them.
13
I get the angle on this is allowing yourself to "suck" at something. But, c'mon being in the ocean, bathing in warm turquoise waters around the world is really, really fun, pure joy, and that's why so many people are drawn to surfing whether they "suck" or not, the communing with the ocean, the surf, sun and fun, not because they enjoy sucking -- that part is sometimes irrelevant.
6
You articulated what has been in my mind for years. I don't know if I was ever a good surfer but as I got old I admittedly suck. Catching a wave and doing a few maneuvers for me is the same as all those sucky golfers who hit a couple pure shots in a round. It's a great feeling that keeps me coming back and taking trips looking to catch that perfect ride. It's exhausting and sometimes scary but I plan on doing it as long as I can. I love it!
2
Nice way to look at life and a good follow to Peter Wehner's April 15 piece - "The Quiet Power of Humility". Personally, there's a long list of candidates - starting with piano and golf. As I've been at these pursuits for nearly 50 years, I guess I could take heart in the persitence of sucking. But we can also extend this thinking beyond our pursuits to the basics of life - how do we measure up in empathy, compassion and good deeds? For most of us the honest answer would be 'I suck at these too'. But before giving in to despair at this realization, we can take comfort in adapting the conventional wisdom - 'the first step on the road to wisdom is to admit one's ignorance' - to 'admit that we generally suck', but we keep trying to suck less.
4
This is awesome! My gifted students and I have a running joke we call #giftednotgifted. We share stories of the incredibly stupid failures in our lives. (We're all notoriously lacking in 'common sense,' so what we suck at are basically various practical aspects of life.) I think it is SO IMPORTANT for students to see their teacher as someone who also sucks at some things, because that helps them to feel comfortable and free to experience and share their own failures and learn from them. I'm fantastic at understanding complex texts, for example, and can help them with that, but I will also accidentally spray myself in the face with bug spray.
30
I don't know about making sucking at something a principle. I can tell you since I was born at Seaside Hospital and grew up in Seal Beach, CA (and graduated from HBHS) that surfing teaches humility. Seal Beach was home to Corkie Carroll, Robert August, and other greats. Unlike many pursuits in a male-dominated culture, no one is going to dominate the sea. Surfing (and that includes all water sports) is not a struggle to overcome the ocean but an effort to find harmony "with" the ocean. It teaches you follow the rhythm and lead of the most magnificent force on the face of the earth and the source of all life - flowing water. If you fight it you will lose. If you embrace it with grace and respect you will be rewarded. That's a lesson well worth learning.
21
I suck at cycling. I am 63 and have always been an above average to excellent athlete. Ten years ago I took up cycling to take the pressure off ailing joints. I have read, trained, hired coaches and employed sophisticated diet, exercise and technology supported improvement strategies. I still suck - by every measure. Most importantly - I can't ride fast enough to ride in group rides. In the parlance of cyclists - I get dropped. Riding alone is cathartic and creates all of the endorphins one needs - but it is still riding alone. I start with a lot of groups but I finish in no mans land.
At 63 the likelihood of a miracle improvement is intellectually impossible - but I am headed out for a ride shortly
At 63 the likelihood of a miracle improvement is intellectually impossible - but I am headed out for a ride shortly
89
I have a problem with using the term "suck" - why do we always have to judge ourselves at what we do? Can't we simply enjoy activities? Singing, guitar playing, gardening, running, playing tennis, gymnastics, soccer, playing golf - why not simply enjoy what we do, and take it on as a personal challenge if we wish to improve; however, if we are not as talented as others, there is no need to insist that we "suck." Many people wish to avoid others' judgment and eschew activities and hobbies that they feel inept in, even if they would enjoy them, and that's a shame.
One should have the self-assurance to say "I'm a surfer." and leave it at that.
No need for qualifiers, because by merely qualifying, we assign an inherent value to talent and natural ability. (this is why so many people hate school!)
One should have the self-assurance to say "I'm a surfer." and leave it at that.
No need for qualifiers, because by merely qualifying, we assign an inherent value to talent and natural ability. (this is why so many people hate school!)
116
Susan of Mt. Vernon, ME writes:
"One should have the self-assurance to say "I'm a surfer." and leave it at that."
Why not say "I surf," and leave it at that?
Just wondering....
"One should have the self-assurance to say "I'm a surfer." and leave it at that."
Why not say "I surf," and leave it at that?
Just wondering....
1
I suck at golf. Most golfers suck at golf. But a couple of times a round we hackers do something, maybe sink a 30 foot putt or hit a five-iron within 3 feet of the pin, that a pro golfer would be quite happy with. It's part of the game's tantalizing appeal. Every shot holds out the possibility of not sucking, at least for a moment.
53
For years I avoided yoga because I was terrible at it. After I turned 60 (which really helps in the not caring part), I tried it again. I realized that I would never be good at it, but that I got a lot out of it, and for the first time in my life, I didn't care that I couldn't excel. As the author says, it was extremely liberating.
90
Same experience with yoga!
1
Well, this made me laugh, and I love the comments.
I started trying to learn to row a single shell the summer after George Bush was reelected. A rowing shell is about 23 feet long, no wider than your hips, and will tip instantly if your oats hit a hidden log or get out of sync. When that happens, and you wind up in the drink, you must scramble and kick back into the boat while holding the two oars steady with your left hand ... the oars are your outriggers. The next day you will wake up covered in bruises ... thighs, breasts, belly.
But in time my body learned the lessons (without my conscious help) and that was a pleasure. A youthful experience.
Now I've grown older. It's more difficult to slide the awkward boat off the rack. Must adapt.
And suck it up.
Still smiling.
I started trying to learn to row a single shell the summer after George Bush was reelected. A rowing shell is about 23 feet long, no wider than your hips, and will tip instantly if your oats hit a hidden log or get out of sync. When that happens, and you wind up in the drink, you must scramble and kick back into the boat while holding the two oars steady with your left hand ... the oars are your outriggers. The next day you will wake up covered in bruises ... thighs, breasts, belly.
But in time my body learned the lessons (without my conscious help) and that was a pleasure. A youthful experience.
Now I've grown older. It's more difficult to slide the awkward boat off the rack. Must adapt.
And suck it up.
Still smiling.
50
In one year and 3 months of learning of how to play ice hockey I can't say that I am very good at all. But I am better than I was on day one. "Sucking" at something is relative. Will I ever play in the NHL? No. Will I ever be good enough to beat my 30 year old coach who's been playing hockey since he was 5 at 1 on 1? Maybe, in a couple of years, if he's having a bad day, and I get a lucky bounce. But it doesn't matter. Because every day that I practice I get a little bit better at it. And every day that I practice I get closer to what made me start it in the first place (at age 53), which is to learn how to skate with speed and control. It might take me years to get there but it's the process that is so satisfying. Nothing is as strenuous as ice hockey, nothing feels as good like flying around on the ice, nothing is as good as semi mastering some skill that 2 weeks ago seemed impossible and having coach tap his stick on the ice in approval. Nothing sucks about that.
30
I too just started skating in January.I skated as a kid on ponds and loved it, and stopped when I was about 13.Now I'm 67,and there are days at the rink that are exhilarating,and other days that are very humbling and painful(literally).My goal no matter how much I know I suck is to be able to be confidant enough to skate around with a stick and puck. That's my goal.But in the meantime, it's that feeling of accomplishment, no matter how small it may seem, that keeps me going, and I love it.The best of luck to you!!
2
Just do what you love and don't worry about how you look or what other people think. For me it's tap dancing. I have zero coordination, my ankles are inflexible, and I can't even find the beat to clap to. But I love it. That rare instant when it all sounds right and feels good gives me a high I feel for years. Find your passion
5
Maybe you have not cleared your mind enough, to be still wanting the ride that has been promised. Maybe you have to quit your job, get divorced, and give up on the wave. Still want it? It's only ten seconds anyway.
My thing was for skiing.
I got it right one time.
My thing was for skiing.
I got it right one time.
1
The best part is that I will never be so accomplished that I can't improve. I am in my fifties and notwithstanding my rapidly declining physical abilities I can still see an upward slope for at least ten more years. And this is after 45 years of pure joy.
2
I suck at drawing and always will. Knowing I will never be good at it and that I don't NEED to be is so freeing. I'm totally absorbed and happy as I suckily draw.
8
I suck at ultimate frisbee. At 57 I've been playing for 25 years, a late start by most accounts. I never seem to get better although I did at the beginning improve enough to know the rules. Not a natural athlete I'm slow and in the way most of the time but what I find amazing is the patience (mostly) of my random teammates over the years and the joy and encouragement they give when you do some thing even slightly good. In all sports, I watch and wait for a moment of grace and when it happens to you it is a special thing.
33
I'm obsessed with ballet, perhaps the most perfectionist of all perfectionist pursuits. I take multiple classes a week, pore over pictures of perfect arabesques, and study online videos in the hopes of improving my dismal pirouettes. I'm also 43, tall and uncoordinated, and laughably un-athletic. I will never, ever not suck at ballet. And yet I go into every class with a strange optimism: that maybe this time I'll suck at it ever so slightly less than I did the last time. I do care about sucking, but not enough to make me stop participating in this hopeless pursuit - because in the fleeting moments when things do go right, it brings me pure joy.
113
I am 72 and take 2 ballet classes a week. I don't have a ballet background and am a large person. I have the same feelings you describe-just a hope to be a tiny bit better at something at each class. I know the class has done wonders for my posture and balance.
I am fortunate because my class is very small and my excellent teacher makes individual corrections (in a kind way).
Dance on!
I am fortunate because my class is very small and my excellent teacher makes individual corrections (in a kind way).
Dance on!
6
The measure of quality is not how good you are in absolute terms. It is how good you are relative to what you have to work with. Enjoy.
2
Courage is doing what you love and ignoring all the little voices in your head - and sometimes a few from outside - that keep telling you you're no good. Those d--n voices keep so many of us from enjoying the bounty of life.
Participating - trying to do whatever it is that pulls you in - is always worth it; it also makes you a more appreciative audience for what the professionals have achieved.
Participating - trying to do whatever it is that pulls you in - is always worth it; it also makes you a more appreciative audience for what the professionals have achieved.
3
Something I do badly yet enjoy?
This probably describes every aspect of my life. The thing I do best is right here, right now: Turning out a piece of writing, a meditation, a mini essay, a notebook entry, a poem. But even my best often doesn't work out. And every other aspect of my life is mediocre at best. But life is funny. Take something difficult to do, which I in fact do: Playing music. Even if you generally do it badly sometimes you get into a decent mood and even if you play something quite simple just because you caught a decent mood you happen at that moment to be playing better than someone playing something complex yet just going through the motions.
The point is even if you become great at something you can find yourself just coasting and not really "filling it out" and even if you stink at something sometimes you get a flash of inspiration and an actual accomplishment. And probably to get a flash of inspiration at something you stink at, not to mention hope to get great at, it helps to find something you enjoy doing even if you stink at it; in fact the primary enjoyment is the first inspiration...
I remember long ago, as a teenager, flipping open a book of Crane's poems in a thrift store. I read "Should the wide world roll away" and some other poems and figured I should try it, it looks fun and not too difficult, manageable. Obviously Crane like all good artists tricked me. It sure is a lot of fun, but not as easy to do as it seems at first sight...
This probably describes every aspect of my life. The thing I do best is right here, right now: Turning out a piece of writing, a meditation, a mini essay, a notebook entry, a poem. But even my best often doesn't work out. And every other aspect of my life is mediocre at best. But life is funny. Take something difficult to do, which I in fact do: Playing music. Even if you generally do it badly sometimes you get into a decent mood and even if you play something quite simple just because you caught a decent mood you happen at that moment to be playing better than someone playing something complex yet just going through the motions.
The point is even if you become great at something you can find yourself just coasting and not really "filling it out" and even if you stink at something sometimes you get a flash of inspiration and an actual accomplishment. And probably to get a flash of inspiration at something you stink at, not to mention hope to get great at, it helps to find something you enjoy doing even if you stink at it; in fact the primary enjoyment is the first inspiration...
I remember long ago, as a teenager, flipping open a book of Crane's poems in a thrift store. I read "Should the wide world roll away" and some other poems and figured I should try it, it looks fun and not too difficult, manageable. Obviously Crane like all good artists tricked me. It sure is a lot of fun, but not as easy to do as it seems at first sight...
2
With over 40 years of skiing experience I still suck at moguls. With my limited range of ski area options, were it not for moguls I would be mostly bored on the slopes. While attempting moguls, my mind is totally focused on blocking out fear, finding the perfect line, remembering to keep my hands forward, and too many other things that surely overwhelm my brain and prevent my from doing anything even closely resembling graceful on my way down. The feeling of joy and elation after linking together just half dozen or so decent turns keeps me returning to try to recreate that same feeling. I think the harder the task and the greater the 'agony of defeat', the greater the satisfaction.
24
You should try Telemark skiing, with an unlocked heel ! Now there is a new skiing skill you could suck at. I've been on and off telemark skis for over 40 years, and I still consider myself a mediocre tele skier. But my knees, and back are holding up very well, and when I can ski tele in powder snow I am in heaven. Well, for a few turns.
As someone who's been surfing for 22 years, up to 100 days a year in some years, I can totally relate to being bad at it. On my best days, I'm reasonably competent. On bad days I'm a total kook. Competence feels wonderful. Kookiness does not. But a surfing session always feels great. That's the reason to keep coming back for more.
I don't relate to celebrating and embracing incompetence (we have a guy in the White House who does that), but I totally endorse trying and failing. My entire career is one of trying and mostly failing to commercialize new products. There's honor and satisfaction in attempts that fail, but only if the attempt was sincerely made with full intent to succeed.
Which brings me back to the author and surfing. When you take off on a wave, especially one that's critically steep, you must get to your feet instantly and with confidence that you're gonna make it. You've got to believe you're going to succeed and invest yourself 100% in that belief (it is frankly amazing and magical how a surfboard grips a nearly vertical wall of water). In surfing, as in many other solo sports, if you truly believe that you will succeed, the odds are great that you will.
However, if you have the slightest hint of doubt, if when you see the drop you think, "too high, I can't do this", if you attempt to pull back or hesitate at all, you will surely wipe out.
I don't relate to celebrating and embracing incompetence (we have a guy in the White House who does that), but I totally endorse trying and failing. My entire career is one of trying and mostly failing to commercialize new products. There's honor and satisfaction in attempts that fail, but only if the attempt was sincerely made with full intent to succeed.
Which brings me back to the author and surfing. When you take off on a wave, especially one that's critically steep, you must get to your feet instantly and with confidence that you're gonna make it. You've got to believe you're going to succeed and invest yourself 100% in that belief (it is frankly amazing and magical how a surfboard grips a nearly vertical wall of water). In surfing, as in many other solo sports, if you truly believe that you will succeed, the odds are great that you will.
However, if you have the slightest hint of doubt, if when you see the drop you think, "too high, I can't do this", if you attempt to pull back or hesitate at all, you will surely wipe out.
1
At least you don't suck at mediocrity, which to me, seems to be your quest for perfection. And, you're perfect at it! Otherwise why talk/write about it in such a boastful way?
I started practicing Bikram yoga at the age of 58. After three years I came to the conclusion I will always suck at it. The heat is oppressive, my balance is terrible, I'm not very flexible and after multiple early sports injuries and surgeries to knee, shoulder, hip and ankle, almost everything I do in class hurts. Most disheartening was watching some 20 year old girl taking class for the first time. It was as if we had reversed roles and it was my first time although I was in my third year haha. That's when I knew I would always suck at this. Thanks for the article. I can't say I will ever enjoy sucking at this practice but it did have a humbling effect on me and gave me some room to finally accept I don't have to be competent at everything.
3
I have hit more than 30,000 golf balls. Perhaps 3,000 are worth remembering. I suck less every time I practice and find confidence in my perseverance. Younger guys seek perfection on every shot, I laugh at them, golf and life don't work like that.
I'll be out there today.
I'll be out there today.
3
Hey! Don't blow my cover!
1
I too suck at surfing but live for the next wave. I started by accident when my son's friend brought a board to the beach and I paddled out and got sucked into a wave and had the revelation that doing yoga on the board - upward dog jumping to warrior two - got me to my feet, then head over heels into the surf. I was hooked. I went to buy a used foam board but my son found a dusty old 10 foot Dewey Weber in the back and even though I said I was unworthy, I bought the old board and ride it proudly as I get tossed on my ass. I love sucking at this and I guess i also suck at golf and I'm trying not to suck so bad at ping-pong. All of these activities are pure joy in the moments of suckage and glory.
6
Ironically if you suck at something and know it, it's cool, but if you suck at something and think you don't, it is very uncool. This is called "owning it." So it's not really about whether you suck, but whether you have decent self-awareness. Furthermore some things (like surfing) are worth sharing even if you suck, while others (like singing or photography) are best kept to yourself if you suck. In this respect sucking at things is a bit of an art. Suck well!
13
I suck at pool. I've been playing in a league for the last three years, and despite the fact that I have won more games than I have lost, I do not seem to be getting markedly better. Beating someone who sucks even worse than you is cold comfort.
But you know what? I don't really care. I love to play - the green felt, the unmistakeable sound of a break shot, the camaraderie around the table -- and once in a while, I make a really tough shot, put a good run together, or stick my opponent with an unplayable leave. It relaxes me in a way other pursuits do not, and so I soldier on in search of the next great bank shot or the 8 ball on the break. As soldiers often say, "Embrace the suck."
But you know what? I don't really care. I love to play - the green felt, the unmistakeable sound of a break shot, the camaraderie around the table -- and once in a while, I make a really tough shot, put a good run together, or stick my opponent with an unplayable leave. It relaxes me in a way other pursuits do not, and so I soldier on in search of the next great bank shot or the 8 ball on the break. As soldiers often say, "Embrace the suck."
3
The thing is, in so many areas, the response to your sucking can kill all your joy. Make a wrong move in a bridge game and it's like you've murdered someone. Suck at miniature golf, and all you can think about is the people who are in back of you who moan when you take the maximum number of strokes on each hole. Let them move ahead, and the next group will be just as audible in their displeasure. Be inconsistent on the volleyball court and everyone else knocks you out of the way to get to the ball before you.
I like to play games for fun, but I know few other people who feel the same way. Someone I was playing poker with once got up and left the table because he thought I wasn't being serious enough.
Maybe I'll take up surfing.
I like to play games for fun, but I know few other people who feel the same way. Someone I was playing poker with once got up and left the table because he thought I wasn't being serious enough.
Maybe I'll take up surfing.
39
It's OK to be a mediocre surfer until you have to share mediocrity with several thousand of your closest mediocre friends to catch mediocre waves. It's gotten so bad here in Southern California that, unless you're willing to paddle out at 2am, you'll be fighting for space on the crappiest 3 foot mush.
Too many people, people,
RCG
Too many people, people,
RCG
9
Boo hoo. They are all out there in the traffic as well.
To me, the point is not to 'suck at something', but to engage in what I call "ungraded" activities. To do something for how it feels and not how someone else may judge or measure it. If we are very successful in this pursuit, we will live in how it feels and it won't occur to us to judge or grade ourselves either.
122
I teach myself piano for the sheer joy of it. My family and friends snicker, but my dog, tahlulah belle, sings along with every note, proof that it sounds as nice to him as it does to me.
The only time I know I suck at something is when I hold myself to someone else's standard. Thankfully, my dog has very low expectations.
The only time I know I suck at something is when I hold myself to someone else's standard. Thankfully, my dog has very low expectations.
118
I suck at basketball, but on the rare occasion that I hit nothing but net, I'm ridiculously pleased. Big bonus: it's a very inexpensive thrill!
35
Golf. I've been playing it for 50 years. An old joke is that it's called "Golf" because all of the other 4 letter words were already taken. I truly suck at it, and yet I play faithfully, two times a week. The golf pros on TV play a game I'm not familiar with. Quit? Are you kidding me? I live to play golf!
Sucking at skateboarding is probably the road less traveled by.
7
I suck at both playing my guitar and racing my bicycle. Having just turned 59, I plan to keep at both of them until I no longer can. I'm getting great pleasure from both of them, from becoming a physically stronger rider, a smarter racer, and a more competent guitar player (and somewhat less horrid singer). If not now, when?
61
My partner and I teach swing dancing and tell our beginner students that as they move through the curriculum, they'll never be great, just suck at a higher level. The secret to our success is that we all promise not to mention it. And, if they begin to enjoy the process of learning, they may actually do it long enough to acquire the basic skills. That is our job.
6
I knew this article was written by a woman before I saw the author's name.
23
Saying it good to suck at something is a little too painful for me. However, I fully agree that perserverance at risky and physically demanding sports is one of the most rewarding things you can do in life. I can't recall the amount of hours I've dedicated to learning how to windsurf. However, I'll never forget the day I windsurfed on the perimeter of a hurricane, screaming over the water at close to 50 miles per hour. Ms. Rinaldi says that the feeling of a good run will last for weeks. As for myself, I didn't stop talking about that day in the hurricane for ten years. You won't get this kind of emotional mileage out of seven days on a cruise ship. And as the saying goes, you'll never be closer to life than when you're close to death.
24
Ahh windsurfing. Like riding an endless wave, until its not, until a wind shift catapults, and whips you, still attached to your harness, face first onto that very hard liquid surface, until you get caught in outgoing chop with the wind dying, and now the wrong sail. But I digress in empathy. All sucking is equally difficult. and equally liberating.
5
That's how you know that humblebragg has really become a thing - when you read one of them in pages of NYT.
11
David, only if it's a celebrity humblebragging that they actually suck at something.
3
For my part, I suck at birding, and have done the last ten years. Could not agree more about the fun and how much learned from not having to be the expert.
9
For years, I was in an etching workshop, 6 hours every Saturday. Meticulous detail, endless processes, tiny lines, scratch, scratch, scratch. It would take weeks of patient process to see that once again, what was a beautifully textured web of spare lines and space in my mind, was yet another crummy picture marred by foul bite. I never once ended up with a print that was any good. And yet, and yet, I loved the smell of the ink, the soft felt on the press, the attempt of a perfectly even ground on the plate, even the sting of the acid seeping into every cat scratch and hang-nail. My poor hands! And for what? Well, hour after hour of total absorption--I disappeared. Curiosity led me to the workshop in the first place because etchings I had seen in museums seemed so fine and mysterious. Love made me stay--and the form remains a beautiful mystery to me.
76
Often the end result isn't the point. Good on you for finding a pleasing, meditative activity.
4
Oh yes! The smell of the ink and wiping the plate and watching the sandwich run through the press and, and... Heaven, simply heaven.
3
This is such a fabulous message on life's road to discovering happiness, freedom and self love. Giving yourself permission to fail! Yeehaw! I sent a copy of your column to my therapist. :-). We'll talk about it, a lot.
Ms. Rinaldi, thank you so much for this. (I just love the NYT!)
Ms. Rinaldi, thank you so much for this. (I just love the NYT!)
I started surfing at age 12 in Waikiki, the board too big for me to carry, so my father took it to the water. I went out and for a couple hours, didn't catch anything and tried to go back in, but before I got to the beach my father told me to go back ut where the others were catching waves. I did and stayed out catching waves for hours. I became quite good in the next many years, but what comes to mind with this column was one wave on which I started off out of balance and never regained it the entire ride, flailing to one side and the other but never going ahead and letting myself fall off. At the end a friend laughing at me said "How did you do that?" I remember that ride when things in life seem irredeemably out of balance.
1
Thank you for a great piece Karen! I too suck at surfing but the joy of it has brought me to Hawaii, Costa Rica, Barbados and Tortola. While I watch others ride effortlessly, I laugh at my inability to catch all but the cleanest waves. But unlike other activities where I'm just good enough to wish I was better, with surfing I just revel in the experience. Love the mindfulness it brings.
17
A cable repairman saw my guitar and asked if I play. I answered, "Yes, but I'm not that good. I enjoy it though."
18
What a great refreshing article. I suck at surfing too, only Ive given up on it. Ten years of effort...often in Waikiki where conditions are usually gentle and ideal...have probably granted me about four rides. At 65, I grew up in NJ enticed by the music, cars, and surf culture of California. Guess you can say Ive partially recovered...knocking surfing off the list finally.
5
I lived in a southern California beach town for four years. I became convinced that a significant component of the surfer crowd weren't into surfing as much as the idea of being recognized as a "surfer". Interesting.
Surfing is one of the most apt metaphors for life: Catch the waves that come your way and enjoy the ride.
Surfing is one of the most apt metaphors for life: Catch the waves that come your way and enjoy the ride.
24
Surfing is the most beautiful, the most exhilarating thing I've ever experienced. Nothing comes close.
3
Where can I buy a T-shirt that says "Be patient. Waves come. Waves always come." or, better yet, where can I apply for a patent?
3
Have fun, but don't take frivolous risks. Falling off a surf board is dangerous. I've seen skiers hurt themselves. Sometimes a minimum competence is essential.
8
And don't skydive if you expect to suck at it.
2
I suck at baseball. My arm is weak and I am horrible at fielding. I felt shame about this as a kid, but then I joined a noncompetetive softball league as an adult and realized that baseball is fun whenever you try your best and get to spend time outside with friends.
I hope my kids learn to enjoy sucking at sports when they are still young enough that they have time to participate in them!
I hope my kids learn to enjoy sucking at sports when they are still young enough that they have time to participate in them!
8
If you enjoy it, it is good that you surf, who cares if you are far from an elite surfer. It is physical exercise and surely invigorating,. Everyone should have some exercise routine, even if they are not elite or are far from it
1
"The best surfer out there is the one having the most fun."
Phil Edwards
Phil Edwards was one of the best surfers of his era, and one of the most-stylish surfers ever to paddle out. The author of this interesting piece seems to embrace the wisdom of his quotation. None of us own the ocean, and all of us are free to endeavor, on any given day, to be "the one having the most fun."
However, people like the author, a self-professed "kook," need to be aware that many surfers (not just those in the "highlight videos") are significantly more adept regarding this particular brand of "fun." In many cases, the skill has been hard-won and acquired at significant "opportunity cost."
While it may, indeed, be great to "suck" at surfing, one so-encumbered is well advised to embrace that particular brand of "fun" at some remove from those of us who don't "suck" at surfing, particularly in challenging waves.
I get the sense that the author understands this. Sadly, many of her fellow surf-school alumni don't, and this can be dangerous and unpleasant for all concerned in our increasingly crowded lineups.
Phil Edwards
Phil Edwards was one of the best surfers of his era, and one of the most-stylish surfers ever to paddle out. The author of this interesting piece seems to embrace the wisdom of his quotation. None of us own the ocean, and all of us are free to endeavor, on any given day, to be "the one having the most fun."
However, people like the author, a self-professed "kook," need to be aware that many surfers (not just those in the "highlight videos") are significantly more adept regarding this particular brand of "fun." In many cases, the skill has been hard-won and acquired at significant "opportunity cost."
While it may, indeed, be great to "suck" at surfing, one so-encumbered is well advised to embrace that particular brand of "fun" at some remove from those of us who don't "suck" at surfing, particularly in challenging waves.
I get the sense that the author understands this. Sadly, many of her fellow surf-school alumni don't, and this can be dangerous and unpleasant for all concerned in our increasingly crowded lineups.
8
So all the new surfers are making it dangerous for the experts and should go to Tasmania to learn to surf? What a joke.
I've been surfing for 40 years and love surfing with learners because I can get 5 to their 1 wave and can stay out of any situations where their inexperience puts me in jeopardy. Maybe you should just quit surfing so you don't get hurt .
I've been surfing for 40 years and love surfing with learners because I can get 5 to their 1 wave and can stay out of any situations where their inexperience puts me in jeopardy. Maybe you should just quit surfing so you don't get hurt .
3
I couldn't live farther from the tropical beaches I grew up with. Surfing is not about going down a wave gracefully. It's about the freedom to be challenged infinite times.
Karen, you are actually pretty good at surfing. Keep in mind that billions of other humans wouldn't dare even try.
I've watched some really good surfers, but the most courageous ones I've ever seen are the surfers on Lake Superior during a winter snowstorm with water temperature near freezing and air temperature around 10 above. Lake water have lower buoyancy, waves are erratic and come every few seconds. It's no wonder that Lake Superior surfing is one of the most difficult ones.
Karen, you are actually pretty good at surfing. Keep in mind that billions of other humans wouldn't dare even try.
I've watched some really good surfers, but the most courageous ones I've ever seen are the surfers on Lake Superior during a winter snowstorm with water temperature near freezing and air temperature around 10 above. Lake water have lower buoyancy, waves are erratic and come every few seconds. It's no wonder that Lake Superior surfing is one of the most difficult ones.
40
The joy of sucking is when you no longer suck. When you start out badly, improvement comes fairly quickly at first and is significant. Satisfaction and joy in the accomplishment of no longer sucking trumps skill.
However, once you attain a certain skill level, improvement becomes incremental, smaller in magnitude and harder to achieve. It is more work, less joy.
I played the trumpet for many years. I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment and joy when I played my first concert as a child. Many years later, alone in a practice room for hours working out how to navigate a solo over the chord changes to Green Dolphin Street, or the fingerings of a difficult concerto, much more work, much less joy.
Until the performance. Then the work enabled the joy to return.
However, once you attain a certain skill level, improvement becomes incremental, smaller in magnitude and harder to achieve. It is more work, less joy.
I played the trumpet for many years. I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment and joy when I played my first concert as a child. Many years later, alone in a practice room for hours working out how to navigate a solo over the chord changes to Green Dolphin Street, or the fingerings of a difficult concerto, much more work, much less joy.
Until the performance. Then the work enabled the joy to return.
47
If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly.
186
Corollary: Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well (or badly)....
1
I am not a very good golfer. I am quite nervous and have little athletic ability, which almost guarantees poor results.
But I love to play, because I have to fight against my basic makeup in order to get anywhere at all. It's good self-discipline, and very humbling.
And every once in a while, I do birdie a hole. On Monday, I sank a 60-foot put from 6 feet of the green, using a 4-hybrid as a putter to get over the fringe. Something like that happens about once every 200 holes. The rest of the time, it's a lot of 6, 7, and 8 on the scorecard.
But I love to play, because I have to fight against my basic makeup in order to get anywhere at all. It's good self-discipline, and very humbling.
And every once in a while, I do birdie a hole. On Monday, I sank a 60-foot put from 6 feet of the green, using a 4-hybrid as a putter to get over the fringe. Something like that happens about once every 200 holes. The rest of the time, it's a lot of 6, 7, and 8 on the scorecard.
28
I suck at golf, too. I enjoyed going out with my husband to many beautiful places around the country. When my husband died 5 years ago, i stopped golfing - too embarassed to be part of a 4 some of people I did 't know. This article has reminded me of the pure enjoyment of being outdoors and moving my body. I am resolving to resume because it has given me such pleasure and I'll be doing it for myself. Thank you!!
2
A friend and I took Belly Dancing. Without a doubt I brought that art to a level of comic burlesque. I look ridiculous, completely lacking in both rhythm and coordination. It bring me great joy while my family shakes their heads smiling.
58
I started learning ballet for the first time at age 46. Let's just say it ain't pretty! Oh well!
2
I remember a surfing wave on the upper Kennebec River, when I started out in a kayak, it took me 7 YEARS to catch. I needed the right boat, and a certain equanimity, with a powerful stroke.
You learn to read the water much better, with more experience, to see certain folds in the current, and develop precise edge control, just like I am sure surfing ocean waves..
One final story, a friend was watching a woman kayaking through Lava Falls, the biggest rapid on the Grand Canyon. She just kept getting tossed in these huge exploding waves and swimming (leaving her boat). Never mind, she carried back up and ran it again, then swam again. She ran it 4 times I was told. And swam every time, a terrifying experience in itself. (I swam Lava once..)
A male friend watching said, "I want to marry that woman", admiring her perseverance..