Positivity not only makes your life more enjoyable, it can also aid in any type of physical, mental or emotional recovery. Recovery is very tough and if you can roll with the ups and inevitable downs, you're much more likely to make it through it, and to achieve your recovery goals.
2
Actually, negative thinkers tend to be more accurate in their assessments of certain things than positive thinkers. Maybe it's time to revisit the extent to which we should promote all people having such sunny attitudes?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4323577/
7
Wow, Mary May, you seem to have really missed the point in the website you posted. It offers a much more qualified and nuanced conclusion that what you suggest. It says:
"Recent investigations suggest that people with depressive symptoms are more accurate than controls in tasks involving time perception and estimates of personal circumstances, but not in other tasks. Unrealistic optimism remains a robust phenomenon across a variety of tasks and domains, and researchers are starting to explore its neural bases. However, the challenge is to determine to what extent and in what way unrealistic optimism is beneficial.
5
As a chronically negative person: if I wanted to change it, I would have. All I see is a culture full of chipper, positivity-worshipping people who shove real issues under the rug and plaster on a fake smile, because that’s what’s expected of you. I’d rather keep my negative thoughts than self-delude, thanks..
6
Exercise, exercise, exercise.
13
I am not sure this applies to Depression. You forget what happiness feels like if depressed. If you have been chronically depressed for decades or even since your childhood you may not even ever remember on an intellectual basis that you once felt happy. You have family, coworker, and therapists that tell you happiness is important, but after decades of drugs, therapy, group sessions, social skills training, etc you decide that ‘medicine’ is worse than the disease.
3
Break out from the isolating, depressing, downward whirlpool of selfish self-indulgence.
People are far more important than money and possessions and status.
Argue with yourself.
Challenge your thoughts,
and examine your assumptions.
And may the best man (or woman) win out.
5
There's a lot of cynicism and negativity out there, as suggested by some of these comments. It's amazing how in our relatively affluent, well-fed, comfortable society, we have such a proportion of us constantly angry at, or worried about, or depressed by this or that. Anyone with military or civilian service overseas in desperately poor countries has seen the incredible energy and resilience of people over there who struggle daily to find something to eat and potable water to drink. It's hard not to be optimistic, or at least appreciative, if we remember that what so many of us take for granted is what many others routinely must do without. The unbreakable spirit of the world's have-nots is a lesson for all.
18
Glass half full, glass half empty. What happens if you don't even have a glass?
3
Optimism is behind every evil and failed political movement in this world and many other evils.
Pessimism saved my life. You can have your half full glass.
“Immune to the blandishments of religions, countries, families, and everything else that puts both average and above-average citizens in the limelight, pessimists are sideliners in both history and the media. Without belief in gods or ghosts, unmotivated by a comprehensive delusion, they could never plant a bomb, plan a revolution, or shed blood for a cause.”
Ligotti
2
Please note that the research here validates "compassion and kindness" not "positive thinking." Positive thinking, for most Americans -- there is a history to the term (Donald Meyer, "The Positive Thinkers") -- translates into largely middle and upper-class thoughtless self-absorption, enjoyment of one's own in the moment and indifference to the plight of others and long-term issues in general. American positive thinking is wary and outright hostile to anything that might be called "critical thinking." I encountered and wrestled with this in class after class of students in the decades I was teaching in the humanities. Predictably, a sizable portion of (frowning!) students viewed what I was asking them to do as inimical to their health and well-being. Were I still teaching today, I'd have to issue a long list of "trigger warnings." Compassion and kindness are entirely other than simple positive thinking. Compassion and kindness require critical thinking, getting outside oneself and one's habitual self-praising and self-comforting modes of thought to see the larger world and others in it, especially the less fortunate whose situation is far from "happy." The essential moment of all genuine thought is negative: the capacity to doubt. And I'd start with doubting the too easy slide from what research actually demonstrates with respect to emotions and health into a validation of happy talk and self-satisfied complacency.
20
After returning invigorated from a walk to the beach to see the sunrise, feelings soaring and cheeks rosy, I opened my computer to see if the daily barrage of negative news would be the daily downer. What a fun surprise this was! As a retiree seeking opportunities to remain relevant, participate in my changed environment, develop and maintain relationships in a resort setting, and continue to acquire new skills I vigorously nodded my head in absolute accord! Until the end when as a positive thinker I responded, "What flaws?"
6
What an inspiring and lovely piece! As an Eyeore-tendency person, I'm always trying to look for the positive and appreciate the fun and joy that happens in each day.
8
Excuse me! My childhood cherished stuffed animal was Eyeore! I grew up just fine, thank you. No intervention needed. Keep your smiling, inspiring, lovely happy-talk to yourselves.
1
Better not tell Larry David about this.
10
If negative and subjective conditions did not exist, would there be such a hunger for positivity?
And then there's that tricky, icky problem of what is subjective and objective, given that our brains just might be hard wired to influence our positive or negative thinking.
1
Finally starting to train compassion and self-compassion skills at school, from a very early age on, and then integrating continued training in no matter what kind of job, is clearly what the West needs most today.
Social media is a wonderful tool, but it all too often reduces our attention span even more than TV, and isolates people from one another. If you take these facts together with the absence of any formal, serious self-compassion training (and science has already proven that self-compassion is THE conditio sine qua non to be able to practice compassion and kindness towards others), then you can start to understand how certain people are suffering so much from their own negative emotions that they start acting out and kill tens of innocent citizens before killing themselves, as we just saw in Las Vegas today.
The only way to cultivate positive emotions, also in the face of adversity, is to cultivate self-compassion: to recognize the tyranny of our own inner critic, to welcome his attempt to help and then distance ourselves from his unrealistic and inadequate judgments, to learn how our self-worth is never defined by what we achieve in life, but by the very fact THAT we're a living being, and to become our own best friend. Only then can we apply the same kind of openness to others and try to help them.
Thanks to science, the West strongly increased material well-being. To not destroy ourselves through hatred, we now urgently need to cultivate emotional well-being.
7
trump would call the half full glass optimists and pessimists both losers. It can be nothing less than a full glass and two scoops for the likes of trump.
trump is as positive as can be whenever he trashes, insults or destroys another person. In exchange he angers and depresses the entire country with his daily malicious antics.
We need to vote him out soon to be a happy nation again.
6
I may not be particularly happy about the political situation in the country but I don’t intend to let it ruin my life. If you are counting on the occupant, current or future, of the Whitehouse to make you happy you are barking up the wrong tree.
3
While I agree with you in part, this president is having an effect that is all but inescapable. I know I have to work to avoid being brought down emotionally by the pervasive daily bombardment of negativity from the WH.
4
This is a fairly balanced and intelligent article, and the simplistic, reductive title does it a disservice. The writer clearly identifies that "negative" and "positive" thoughts and feelings are intrinsic parts of *all* lives. The point is not about negativity and positivity per se (and, lieber Gott, could we please stop using these facile and condescending terms), but about what is appropriate to and productive for one's own life.
Overwhelming grief at the death of a parent is not the same as just being unable to get out of bed in the morning. On the other hand, deep depression in reaction to a sober and well-informed understanding of the state of the world is different from being irrationally convinced that everyone else hates and despises you.
The final argument should not be about feeling but about action. Deciding to take joy where you can find it is no more reasonable than taking grief wherever you find it, but it may be that one of these filters makes life easier, and the other, harder. But if accurately perceiving the world's pain and injustice stimulates you to work to make it better, then grief is clearly a functional motivator to you.
Yes, being round "down" people can be hard; but for many of us, "being around perpetually bubbly types is insufferable. The uncritical cult of "positivity" is extremely tedious, and when it spills over into prescriptive interference with those who are characterized as "negative", it becomes outright offensive.
11
I too can be more of an Oscar than a Felix. One day I was absently walking down the street and thought of a conversation with my 5-year-old granddaughter that made me smile. I looked up and the stranger coming toward me smiled back. That never happens to me, and it made me smile again, which made the next stranger nod and smile, and so on. It was a positive interaction with the world and it made me feel better. Now I do it deliberately and I recommend it. As one Oscar to another - just it a try.
20
Well said.
1
the use of the word negative undermine the emotions which unfelt or unexpressed do create destruction. Grief is the phomeix of life. To name it negative is to avoid: oppostive of intent to restore, grow, and be fulfilled and satisfied.
4
I have bipolar disorder, Bipolar II, which means that in my manic phases I don't gamble away the family savings, I am just really energized and focused and social productive, raising the expectations of everyone around me.
If I could stay that way, everything would be great, but that's not why it's called bi-polar. The manic cycle devolves into the stable one which in turn devolves into the depressed one, which in Bipolar II is so deep, and so long and so debilitating, that functioning in the real world, even the most basic hygiene is way beyond possible.
Of course the ride down the cycle leaves a trail of very disappointed employers, family, and friends - and most don't stay with you through too many cycles.
The negativity of those around you can spur on a depressive cycle, so bi-polars really need to seek out positive situations and people, and in stable states need to utilize all the suggestions you give to hold off the inevitable chemical onslaught as long as possible - as noted in the article, the more you practice, the better you get.
Of course you can't expect the people in your life to be up all the time, so dealing with other's depressions - however short - is a challenge that makes the difference between your life being about you and your problems, or about being a good friend, spouse, parent or citizen of the world.
We can take a break sometimes, but we all have to choose life, with as many "ups" as we can make..
If I could stay that way, everything would be great, but that's not why it's called bi-polar. The manic cycle devolves into the stable one which in turn devolves into the depressed one, which in Bipolar II is so deep, and so long and so debilitating, that functioning in the real world, even the most basic hygiene is way beyond possible.
Of course the ride down the cycle leaves a trail of very disappointed employers, family, and friends - and most don't stay with you through too many cycles.
The negativity of those around you can spur on a depressive cycle, so bi-polars really need to seek out positive situations and people, and in stable states need to utilize all the suggestions you give to hold off the inevitable chemical onslaught as long as possible - as noted in the article, the more you practice, the better you get.
Of course you can't expect the people in your life to be up all the time, so dealing with other's depressions - however short - is a challenge that makes the difference between your life being about you and your problems, or about being a good friend, spouse, parent or citizen of the world.
We can take a break sometimes, but we all have to choose life, with as many "ups" as we can make..
9
This article doesn't mention a very real psychological phenomenon all humans have -we unfortunately remember negative experiences because our brain is hardwired that way for survival. We give more weight to negative experiences because they harm you more than positive ones - "Don't eat the red berries - that resulted in a very bad night." etc.
Many people revert to a "negative autopilot" because we are naturally pre-disposed to it.
Also as another poster below stated , what if your negativity is correct? After living in "positivity hippie haven" Asheville NC it is noticeable how many people here do not speak up or sweep it under the rug when something is wrong for fear of not staying "positive". It causes some things to not be called - so things don't change or change slowly. (I.e. bad public transportation, etc.).
Many people revert to a "negative autopilot" because we are naturally pre-disposed to it.
Also as another poster below stated , what if your negativity is correct? After living in "positivity hippie haven" Asheville NC it is noticeable how many people here do not speak up or sweep it under the rug when something is wrong for fear of not staying "positive". It causes some things to not be called - so things don't change or change slowly. (I.e. bad public transportation, etc.).
3
Following the Texas flooding makes me feel very negative and vulnerable. But you have to look "on the bright side of life." Life is like our weather - you have cycles of bad and good. "This too will pass."
2
The positive you can get out of the effects of the hurricane is to pray for safety of the people, and donate. Donate whatever. The giving will provide a sense of each doing what they can do. And, it will feel good. We can fill our heads all day long with negative thoughts. There's no magic potion other than your wanting to be more than that and doing something about it. Being positive isn't about opening your life up to all that comes your way, but being select just as you are select with being negative.
2
Probably the real reason you're grinning from ear to ear is because you know you won't have to spend all day taking care of them.
3
If it weren't for all the positive people around to make such a fuss about pointing it out, would a negative person even know they were? When people tell me to smile, often I feel it's only to validate their own incessant grins.
7
I was not a smiler as a child or young woman and I hated it when people would tell me to smile. Especially as a young woman, it really was a form of bullying as the world wanted me to conform to a certain stereotype. Most people ordering you to smile are being bullies, I think. My facial expression is not theirs to order around. I found, however, that as I got older and smiles came more naturally that I have much happier interactions with other people. But it's my choice to smile, not theirs.
8
It's not as easy as merely deciding to be more 'positive'. Moreover, in various circumstances, notably the current political ones, a relentlessly sunny disposition is at variance with the facts as we know them and one might be accused of that other bugaboo of pop psychology, 'denial' (gasp).
9
A lot positive thinking can make one susceptible to being used and abused. There's the flaw to the positive thinking that they never tell you. What if your negative thinking is true?
For example, you say hello to someone but they don't respond, they didn't like you you tell yourself. But that's negative thinking. Maybe they didn't hear you or whatever. Positive thinking. But, what if they didn't respond because they really didn't like you after all? You simply open yourself up to being used and mistreated.
For example, you say hello to someone but they don't respond, they didn't like you you tell yourself. But that's negative thinking. Maybe they didn't hear you or whatever. Positive thinking. But, what if they didn't respond because they really didn't like you after all? You simply open yourself up to being used and mistreated.
1
Part of the ability to maintain productive positivity lies in living the Serenity Prayer - making effort to change what we can, accepting what we cannot change, and attempting to discern the difference.
In your example of the person who didn't say hello - this means accepting that we can't control whether someone likes us or dislikes us; whether they respond to our overtures or not. Whether or not we make negative meaning of their reaction to us is completely within our control.
If you want to explore the reason for their dislike, that is within your control. Whether they change their opinion is not something you can control -it causes lots less heartburn to just accept that.
Positivity doesn't mean being naive or blind to others' behaviors, but it means realizing that meaning is what we make of it, and we have a choice to assign meaning or not.
In your example of the person who didn't say hello - this means accepting that we can't control whether someone likes us or dislikes us; whether they respond to our overtures or not. Whether or not we make negative meaning of their reaction to us is completely within our control.
If you want to explore the reason for their dislike, that is within your control. Whether they change their opinion is not something you can control -it causes lots less heartburn to just accept that.
Positivity doesn't mean being naive or blind to others' behaviors, but it means realizing that meaning is what we make of it, and we have a choice to assign meaning or not.
10
If the author lived with a depressed person for over half a century, surely she should know the difference between depression and negativism. Depression is a disease. Giving the impression that all anyone needs to is think positive thoughts is not only insulting but can also be counterproductive.
9
Perhaps giving some thought to sources of happiness for our ancestors will increase the probability of success
2
"I lived for half a century with a man who suffered from periodic bouts of depression, so I understand how challenging negativism can be." You'd think if the author lived so long with a depressed individual she would have learned by now that a glass-half-full mentality is not the same thing as depression.
12
Of all the suggestions in this article, I think the one most beneficial is accepting yourself for who you are. I was driving down the road yesterday thinking to myself how much stress we cause for ourselves by trying to be someone or something we are not. As we age, most of us realize that is just not healthy.
Before Wayne Dyer became a PBS regular with his motivational talks, he wrote a book called Erroneous Zones. Not Erogenous, ha ha. Stuff in our culture that tears us down. How much power each of us has individually to affect the quality of our own lives. It is a powerful little book.
Before Wayne Dyer became a PBS regular with his motivational talks, he wrote a book called Erroneous Zones. Not Erogenous, ha ha. Stuff in our culture that tears us down. How much power each of us has individually to affect the quality of our own lives. It is a powerful little book.
8
Barbara Fredrick posits that accumulating “micro-moments of positivity” can result in greater overall well-being.
My problem is that every year I am accumulating more micro-moments of negativity then positivity. Between aging, employment and financial challenges, and the state of our government, it is not easy to see the glass half full.
My problem is that every year I am accumulating more micro-moments of negativity then positivity. Between aging, employment and financial challenges, and the state of our government, it is not easy to see the glass half full.
13
let the good things roll, people!
1
There is an added urgency to this issue in our 60's, and older. The horizon of life is not only shorter but the likelihood of failing health or grisly diagnoses loom . . . All the more reasons to apply whatever nostrums of advice are provided. Transcendent music. Loud. Dance in the rain. Talk baby talk to your cat. Make a Life List. Vow to make one new friend. You know what to do . . . it's not that difficult, nor mysterious.
As my late and darling mother advised me a year or so prior to her death: "We must do what makes us happy. And we must hurry."
As my late and darling mother advised me a year or so prior to her death: "We must do what makes us happy. And we must hurry."
12
Thank you for these thoughts! My wife recently divorced me. It has been a tremendous loss for me as I loved her very much. I have been struggling with depression since. I can attest to the fact that each of these recommendations are critical to healing and day to day success. It is truly an aggregate of small victories that pave the path to a good day and a better tomorrow.
18
Hang in there. You're not alone.
10
This is so depressing.
Another cheerleading into compassion and caring for the benefits to cardiac health, longevity and mood levels.
Not that these are not important but what about compassion because we care, not only about our immediate neighbors but the ones war away as well?
And what about the fact that releasing anger about needing to conform and appear in ways that one is not, can clear the airways as well, giving a less congested appreciation of positive and negative emotions. My disliking poverty, as one emotion, is for me not "negative". Noticing the negative can be a way to awaken social activism.
I recommend Barbara Ehrenreich: Blind Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America.
I think the book is quite positive, downright liberating.
Another cheerleading into compassion and caring for the benefits to cardiac health, longevity and mood levels.
Not that these are not important but what about compassion because we care, not only about our immediate neighbors but the ones war away as well?
And what about the fact that releasing anger about needing to conform and appear in ways that one is not, can clear the airways as well, giving a less congested appreciation of positive and negative emotions. My disliking poverty, as one emotion, is for me not "negative". Noticing the negative can be a way to awaken social activism.
I recommend Barbara Ehrenreich: Blind Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America.
I think the book is quite positive, downright liberating.
11
That and if another American comes at me with the stupid, "Hi, how are you?", when all that this American wants to hear is GOOD! GREAT! FANTASTIC! and replies to my "OK" or "All right", "Only OK? Only all right?", I'm going to say, What's wrong with OK and all right? Why so negative?
4
Absolutely agree with you. I'm American and I've thought about how there's some kind of cultural expectation to be cheerily positive at all times, and I think it's ridiculous. Personally, I'd prefer to both give and get an authentic response to "Hi, how are you?"
2
At the risk of being negative, I'll point out that this is a particularly poorly-crafted sentence--so much so that it crumbles into incoherence under the weight its many phrases:
"I wish I had known years ago about the work Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina, has done on fostering positive emotions, in particular her theory that accumulating “micro-moments of positivity,” like my daily interaction with children, can, over time, result in greater overall well-being."
"I wish I had known years ago about the work Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina, has done on fostering positive emotions, in particular her theory that accumulating “micro-moments of positivity,” like my daily interaction with children, can, over time, result in greater overall well-being."
1
I spent years on and off in therapy trying to eliminate the gray cloud over my head that only seemed to rain on me and that took the joy out of everything I did, as well as making it extremely difficult to bounce back after negative events.
All of this is simply to say that happy thoughts do not a "normal," generally upbeat person make. Not until Prozac and finally menopause was I able to find joy in whatever I did and eventually stop taking the anti-depressant mess as well. Bad brain chemistry and not simply negative "thinking" is what makes our lives heavy and sad and difficult. People need to deal with both the chemistry and the long term effects of the negative thought processes that are the consequence of that chemistry in order to move out of dysphoria or depression. Pill popping or talk therapy individually don't cut it; a person needs to do both.
All of this is simply to say that happy thoughts do not a "normal," generally upbeat person make. Not until Prozac and finally menopause was I able to find joy in whatever I did and eventually stop taking the anti-depressant mess as well. Bad brain chemistry and not simply negative "thinking" is what makes our lives heavy and sad and difficult. People need to deal with both the chemistry and the long term effects of the negative thought processes that are the consequence of that chemistry in order to move out of dysphoria or depression. Pill popping or talk therapy individually don't cut it; a person needs to do both.
11
One of many things that bothers me about this light and breezy feature is that there are aspects of our lives that _are_ negative and should _not_ be seen as positive. That doesn't mean they should cause depression; on the contrary, they should stimulate action. -- Most of us (us = those who comment on NYT articles) believe that the current national government is a disaster; we deplore the verbal and physical attacks on Muslims, undocumented people, women, people of colour, and many others; we want single-payer health care for everyone; we want a living wage paid to workers; we want climate change accepted; and so on and so forth. These are not 'glass-half-full' issues. BUT we can become active in fighting on behalf of these issues. To be 'cheerful' and upbeat about them is inappropriate, and a little depression may be a wise response. And then we can work for change. -- The same is true for many issues in our private lives. But to think that a high-five with a bunch of little kids will help with the major wrongs of our national, family, and professional lives is simply not helpful. These problems require serious thinking and appropriate action, not superficial cheeriness.
18
I take your point, but I don't think your argument is based off of an accurate representation of what the author said. The author' point is not that we should never feel angry or depressed, and she says as much in her sixth paragraph, which begins with the sentence "This is not to say that one must always be positive to be healthy and happy" and further expands on that sentiment.
I think her point is that trying to cultivate moments of happiness, despite of or in tandem with justified feelings of anger, can be good for our health. I agree with you on everything you said about being anti-Trump, but I would ask you: does feeling that way preclude us from appreciating a moment with friends, or a beautiful landscape, or a particularly tasty meal? I (and the author) would argue that it doesn't, and I would go farther and say that in these high-stress times when awful news pours in seemingly every minute, it is even MORE important for us to recognize the positive in our lives. It keeps us on even keel and helps replenish our reserves so that we can keep fighting.
I think her point is that trying to cultivate moments of happiness, despite of or in tandem with justified feelings of anger, can be good for our health. I agree with you on everything you said about being anti-Trump, but I would ask you: does feeling that way preclude us from appreciating a moment with friends, or a beautiful landscape, or a particularly tasty meal? I (and the author) would argue that it doesn't, and I would go farther and say that in these high-stress times when awful news pours in seemingly every minute, it is even MORE important for us to recognize the positive in our lives. It keeps us on even keel and helps replenish our reserves so that we can keep fighting.
11
They don't require superficial cheeriness, it's true. But is that what the author is pointing at here? What if what she's talking about is genuine joy, the kind that can fuel a movement?
4
Our culture teaches us to yearn for happiness 24/7. We think that happiness is something to be found outside of our-often miserable-selves, and that we'd be happy "if only" I had...did...were...will be...pick the word.
Finding serenity and peace within oneself comes with practice. It's a process. There is no magic pill or other noun that can make it happen, but starting the day with thoughts of bringing loving kindness to others helps me to be mindful, which keeps my thoughts on a higher, more positive plane.
Finding serenity and peace within oneself comes with practice. It's a process. There is no magic pill or other noun that can make it happen, but starting the day with thoughts of bringing loving kindness to others helps me to be mindful, which keeps my thoughts on a higher, more positive plane.
10
To be fair, it's doubtful that the person who suffered from bouts of depression for half a century would be helped by the activities intended to foster positive emotions. Clinical depression is a disease of the mind and while the activities certainly sound healthy enough there is no science behind the notion that practicing cures or alleviates depression, despite how much we all might wish a solution was that simple.
4
I, respectfully, disagree. I have suffered from clinical/chronic depression for almost 50 years. Finding ways to connect with life (people... nature) has kept me alive. It's not a cure, and it's not simple, but I appreciate this article.
9
IDK. None of this is new. OTOH, cultivating gratitude is something most of us can handle, and it repays in spades. NYT readers, take the opportunity to be grateful that you were born into the 20th century in a country that allows men and women blessed with talent to work hard and shine. (Had I been born in the 12th century in Ireland, I would be a milk maid. Which I'm not in 2017. I am forever grateful.)
15
as long as we are not assaulted by more people squealing that something is "awesome" or that they are 'stoked" or "feel the burn" or they are "winning". Calm optimism for everyone (except no optimism for electricians, think about it.)
2
There's more than one thing going here. Metta meditation, which is the development of loving kindness for others, is an individually directed thing, a kind of mindfulness one develops in search of a 'good heart' is expressed in the saying of the Buddha, When you see how much human beings suffer, who could want to add to it? This far different than the kind of bromidic fatuousness that closes the article. These watery new age slogans are fine to sell pledge programming on PBS but are of very little actual use in living one's life. "Choose to accept yourself, flaws and all." Give me break. I am often a jerk and I deserve to be every bit as aware of that as the victims of my jerkdom. "Appreciate the world around you." Is that Trump's world? The world of cataclysmic greed and stupidity that is rapidly propelling us into civil chaos and climate catastrophe? And so forth. Still, it's fun to smile at children, especially if I can look like the dope I am while I'm doing it.
6
It amazes me how many readers here dismiss this wisdom as facile or too simplistic or ignorant of or current situation in the country. The world has always been about suffering, the response to it is everything. I suggest those that think the reality of happiness is more complex re-read it.
8
Yes, it was disappointing that the article ended with platitudes.... 'when life gives you lemons....' Ugh. But I can take away more than that from this helpful article.
But the "platitude" is the whole point!
1
So the idea seems to be that accepting a moral premise, namely that compassion is good, confers a self-seeking benefit. There seems to be a bit of conflict in motive there.
1
Nice graphics. Mike Pence looks thirsty.
12
Good one!!
1
I am grateful for this article regardless of whether I agree or want to try the suggestions. Throughout my life, I have had unsuccessful traditional (5 times a week) psychoanalysis and regular dynamic therapies with others which didn't resolve my issues. Finally, I, after much reluctance, am seeing a trauma specialist. I didn't want to accept the idea of trauma, which I am told is a common reaction.
It really comes down to accepting what's in our control and what is not. Alas, there is no obvious bright light to guide us which makes it easy to reject the article feeling things are useless or hopeless.
It does seem to help to treat little victories and self-taught acts of compassion and tolerance. Granted, it seems like a silly approach, but here's the logic; what has the other approach done for me? Admittedly sometimes I feel like an idiot treating myself like a baby with congratulations for tiny acts of achievement. I tell myself that these are exercises much like the physical exercises which I also hate to do.
My vote is to listen up and take whatever you can from the article. What has the other approach done for you lately?
It really comes down to accepting what's in our control and what is not. Alas, there is no obvious bright light to guide us which makes it easy to reject the article feeling things are useless or hopeless.
It does seem to help to treat little victories and self-taught acts of compassion and tolerance. Granted, it seems like a silly approach, but here's the logic; what has the other approach done for me? Admittedly sometimes I feel like an idiot treating myself like a baby with congratulations for tiny acts of achievement. I tell myself that these are exercises much like the physical exercises which I also hate to do.
My vote is to listen up and take whatever you can from the article. What has the other approach done for you lately?
12
Yes. Thank you.
Joe, I absolutely agree with you. Some people take comfort in their negativism- it's how they have always seen the world. When gently nudged that there could be a better way to approach life, they exaggerate what we are suggesting. They may think that changing their attitude means admitting that they were wrong and that would be a blow to their ego. The sad part is that they don't realize that they are dragging down those around them literally sapping the life out of people around them.
1
The problem with so much current emphasis on positivity is not that it is a bad thing, but that it leaves those who are inclined to negativity susceptible to judgment. There is nothing wrong with negativity in itself. In fact, if we were freer to experience negativity as a legitimate disposition rather than a moral failing, it might not lead to the neural costs Dr. Fredrickson predicts. It is the ways we have come to police ourselves for living across time rather than "in the now," and for being too negative that exact the greater cost than one disposition over another.
3
Perhaps using the term positivity isn't helpful since it immediately presents us with the dichotomy of good/bad. When I do the kinds of suggestions at the end of the article, it helps me stop being negative. Period. And that is a positive experience. There is no need to force it into any category. If I just do the things that help me stop being negative, the world is just the same with all its conflict and drama. I am not less political or less devoted to working for change. I am merely doing it from a more peaceful center. I think it was Thich Nhat Hahn who said, "become the peace you seek".
Reading the paper is a downer. We live in difficult times so we need to realize that and somehow feel lifted and resigned to our predicament. I don't remember that everyone kept banging on about Al Gore years ago. We let it go and became Americans all together again.
2
Are we really "resigned to our predicament"?
I'm not saying our current situation isn't depressing, but i hope I'm not resigned to it!
I'm not saying our current situation isn't depressing, but i hope I'm not resigned to it!
4
I remember continuous assault against Obama and his supportersfor 8 solid years. That is very hard to let go.
We cannot become Americans all togerher again with the most dishonest, lying, cheating POTUS ever: trump.
After he goes, I am ready to make nice.
We cannot become Americans all togerher again with the most dishonest, lying, cheating POTUS ever: trump.
After he goes, I am ready to make nice.
10
I have a disagreement with dividing everything into positive and negative. There's nothing wrong with neutral, and it may be the best place. I think society and modern media conditions us to think that neutral is not good enough. As a meditation practitioner, my experience is that mindfulness doesn't necessarily produce more positive emotions. It has a mostly calming, neutralizing and stabilizing effect on emotions, producing less drastic mood swings. Different people have different experiences, of course, but I really think the expectation of behaving bubbly happy is not realistic for a lot of people. We don't all need to be running around giving high-fives to strangers' children.
16
I don't think we all have to be giving high fives to children. That's what works for the author. Find the joy some place & seek it out. Avoid, as Dear Abby advised, toxic people & situations! It's all in the degree. Try not to dwell & "mental loop" negative thoughts. That frees you up to do something about the REAL terrible things happening to our country now.
You hate Trump? Fine, join a political party or get involved in some way. Remember, millions voted for him! As far as clinical depression is concerned, that's a disease & needs therapy!
However, I think most people have to deal with those "Debbie Downer" days & people all through our lives. To do that , avoid the worst, get busy & yes, find a funny, enjoyable uplifting activity every day! Quit complaining & do something about it, or vent to someone like you then do something about it. Above all find something that amuses you. Certainly not the news, but I love the comments section! Some folks have such a wicked sense of humor! Cheers me right up.
You hate Trump? Fine, join a political party or get involved in some way. Remember, millions voted for him! As far as clinical depression is concerned, that's a disease & needs therapy!
However, I think most people have to deal with those "Debbie Downer" days & people all through our lives. To do that , avoid the worst, get busy & yes, find a funny, enjoyable uplifting activity every day! Quit complaining & do something about it, or vent to someone like you then do something about it. Above all find something that amuses you. Certainly not the news, but I love the comments section! Some folks have such a wicked sense of humor! Cheers me right up.
1
I was lucky to be raised by parents who lived and instilled a positive attitude. My mother especially avoided negative people whom she considered akin to drinking poison. My parents surrounded themselves with loving, thoughtful and upbeat friends, so the house was a joyful epicenter of laughter and camaraderie. To this day, my husband and I have followed suit, and like my parents, we take nothing for granted and appreciate everything. A positive attitude opens doors to all the good things in life and it allows you to breathe in the sweet scent of nature. This attitude enhances everything and it helps you tremendously when there are challenges in the way,
4
What is about lap swimming in the early morning hours that make swimmers friendly, outgoing, and positive. I've been a lap swimmer for 45 years and, in that time, have found that my swimming colleagues (we tend to arrive in our lanes at about the same time every day) enjoy talking about anything that comes up, even if only for a few minutes. This sort of social interaction at that time of day invites positive thinking (even when we moan about Trump a lot), not to mention the well being derived from an activity that improves circulation, increases blood flow, expands the heart (literally and figuratively) and requires the use of virtually every body part every minute you're swimming, including the brain.
When I lived in Anchorage and swam winter mornings at the U of Alaska's pool, as my head turned to pull in air, I'd look out at the snow-capped mountains and watch, over the time I was swimming, the darkness turn to light and the light springing to action a bit longer each day. Alaskans are likely to tell you this is the kind of thing that inspires hope that winter has an end and that the mountain passes, one way to enjoy nature and the wildflowers, will be ready to hike.
I used to think all of this was some great secret that I alone harbored closely, but I found that, in talking with other lap swimmers who swim for enjoyment, they also have similar emotions. There must be other activities that offer these opportunities, but I found swimming and I'm stickin' with it.
When I lived in Anchorage and swam winter mornings at the U of Alaska's pool, as my head turned to pull in air, I'd look out at the snow-capped mountains and watch, over the time I was swimming, the darkness turn to light and the light springing to action a bit longer each day. Alaskans are likely to tell you this is the kind of thing that inspires hope that winter has an end and that the mountain passes, one way to enjoy nature and the wildflowers, will be ready to hike.
I used to think all of this was some great secret that I alone harbored closely, but I found that, in talking with other lap swimmers who swim for enjoyment, they also have similar emotions. There must be other activities that offer these opportunities, but I found swimming and I'm stickin' with it.
12
Yes, an open road and a run as the sun rises here in New Mexico! Bliss! Also, good gut bacteria. Really, the gut and the brain are connected. Eat you veggies and your sauerkraut, take a predawn run, and.......... It does work magic! And, step away from the computer and the news. And, now I am going to do just that, and get out and run!
2
I wonder whether the folks who accuse Jane Brody of recommending mindless "positive" thinking" even read the article. She acknowledges that there is a place for sadness, anger, hurt - the negative emotions. But there are those of us who need to be reminded to focus on the good things in our life. I, for, one, appreciate this particular reminder.
15
"Both he and Dr. Fredrickson and their colleagues have demonstrated that the brain is 'plastic,' or capable of generating new cells and pathways, and it is possible to train the circuitry in the brain to promote more positive responses." I'm tired of these pseudo-neuroscientific explanations, when the author probably doesn't know shizer from Shinola about neuroscience and its immense complexities. Some of the recommendations seem reasonable, but common-sensical. "Practice resilience." Well, of course, but easier said than done, particularly in extreme situations. And, of course, some people are just more resilient by nature than others. My overall reaction: Sighhhhhhh!
5
Working in hospice, I have great respect for negative people. There is no positive spin for illness and death. Sorry. But that is the truth. Sometimes life hands you a brutal nightmare. It is OK to allow someone to feel sad, mad, blue, out of sorts. Allow this. Support them by being a friend who listens. Buy them lunch. Give them a card that says I care. Stop trying to turn their frown into a smile. I think we do more harm pretending we all do not have negative thoughts or feelings. More harm comes from suppressing this or being forced to. And do not compare woes. If someone is sad because of something you deem unimportant, so what. It is not your job to judge. Only to care. If you choose.
And do not put a time frame on someone else's sadness, grief or negativity. They can be negative/sad/mad for as long as they want. You can always set limits and boundaries to how much YOU can take. You cannot change them, but you can control and change the way you respond. If they choose to push everyone away with their negativity, then that is their choice. It is hard to watch, but you must consider respectful boundaries.
Realize that some people are given way too much to bear. Of course, those people tend to be the resilient, salt-of-the-earth folks. I suggest learning from them if you find yourself trapped in a negative well of thoughts and thinking. That is how I have learned. They are the best teachers.
And do not put a time frame on someone else's sadness, grief or negativity. They can be negative/sad/mad for as long as they want. You can always set limits and boundaries to how much YOU can take. You cannot change them, but you can control and change the way you respond. If they choose to push everyone away with their negativity, then that is their choice. It is hard to watch, but you must consider respectful boundaries.
Realize that some people are given way too much to bear. Of course, those people tend to be the resilient, salt-of-the-earth folks. I suggest learning from them if you find yourself trapped in a negative well of thoughts and thinking. That is how I have learned. They are the best teachers.
39
Thankyou, Janice Nelson! I appreciate your articulating so well the for me the truer aspect of being alive, the profundity of suffering that we can't trick ourselves out of. In accepting and walking with another, far more can emerge. It is so hard to tolerate another's sadness and pain. Our culture leans into a massive false self denial that leaves people alienated and abandoned in a constant lean towards positivity. It is hard to be around carping negative people to be sure. At the heart I suspect is a turning away from the meaning and source of their misery so they are never actually heard...
6
I appreciate Ms. Nelson's comments on respecting someones right to grieve. However I do believe that loving people can also help steer someone out of their grief, when it has gone on too long. The key is thinking about that persons well-being not your own. What is vitally important is being mindful of when grief is negatively affecting that persons well-being. Being respectful and mindful of their grief is paramount, however, ignoring when that grief is sending that person into a downward spiral is not wise. Thoughtfully offering help when maybe they are unable to ask for it, is even more important.
3
Although I do appreciate the suggestions in this article, and agree that we could all use a big dose of compassion and connectedness in our lives, I fear for the country as a whole whenever I witness what passes for human interaction in the seats of power these days.
I wish our president, vice-president, and the senators and representatives of the Republican party were less focused on naked ambition and power struggles. I wish the CEOs who run giant corporations were more compassionate people. I wish that the economic structure we have adopted were not a zero-sum game and more attuned to accomplishing good things for everyone. I wish we would think less in terms of winners, losers, and competition.
I can cope with my own individual ups and downs. It's society that I'm worried about, and the fact that we have collectively lost our way.
I wish our president, vice-president, and the senators and representatives of the Republican party were less focused on naked ambition and power struggles. I wish the CEOs who run giant corporations were more compassionate people. I wish that the economic structure we have adopted were not a zero-sum game and more attuned to accomplishing good things for everyone. I wish we would think less in terms of winners, losers, and competition.
I can cope with my own individual ups and downs. It's society that I'm worried about, and the fact that we have collectively lost our way.
16
That about sums up my feelings, Allison. The personal pardon we grant ourselves of to not fret over things we can't change is good advice for most people, but not a real answer to those aware of the enormous dangers that face our country and our planet. If you addressed all the freedom fighters, revolutionaries and great journalists in one room (super hypothetically speaking) and gave them that advice, you'd not find a receptive audience. My happiness IS NOT more important than anything I can to do influence change or correct injustices in this world. This, of course, involves life choices like not getting married or committing to relationships that require a lifetime of equanimity or a glass is half full philosophy. I have family members whose entire universes are kids, grandkids, friends, community. I don't fault them one bit, but not all of us are wired that way.
5
Being positive and looking on the bright side of everything may be good for your health and nicer for people to be around; however, optimists are worse at assessing risks. Pessimists are also better at managing time because they don't expect things to always go perfectly.
A balance between the two traits is best.
A balance between the two traits is best.
12
Climate Change is real.
Nuclear Weapons are real - and cocked.
Population Growth is unsustainable.
Trump is President (OK - sorta')
Each morning, I start the day by smiling, before I get out of bed - you'd be surprised at how well this simple act changes everything.
Nuclear Weapons are real - and cocked.
Population Growth is unsustainable.
Trump is President (OK - sorta')
Each morning, I start the day by smiling, before I get out of bed - you'd be surprised at how well this simple act changes everything.
12
Excellent. You are not alone in the discovery of this little trick, and others such as asking yourself upon rising, what good thing can I do today? I dislike the tendency to refer to "seeing the glass half-full" as a bad thing in these self-improvement articles. A half-full glass, when viewed objectively, can be a source of inspiration, proactive thinking, and planning for a positive change. Not all cultures view a negative perception as a bad thing. Things are what they are....
5
Centuries ago, a huge, mega-funded, multi-university research project concluded that: "If you can't say anything nice then say nothing at all".
It has taken me a long time to learn the width, depth and value of such an "old wives" adage. Whether in a home, work or social setting, who enjoys or emotionally benefits from listening to complaints, anger, mean gossip or just any "crap"? How do nasty talk shows improve your day?
Let me extend the concept to the negative impact that visualizing those ghastly images from entertainment and TV news must have on not just children, but adults as well. Go for the "puppy" pictures.
So there... be nice like the article says...it's also easier on you.
It has taken me a long time to learn the width, depth and value of such an "old wives" adage. Whether in a home, work or social setting, who enjoys or emotionally benefits from listening to complaints, anger, mean gossip or just any "crap"? How do nasty talk shows improve your day?
Let me extend the concept to the negative impact that visualizing those ghastly images from entertainment and TV news must have on not just children, but adults as well. Go for the "puppy" pictures.
So there... be nice like the article says...it's also easier on you.
12
I once read that a constantly negative personality may be the result of choosing to remain in an otherwise untenable relationship or situation - by blaming others for all your problems, it protects your own ego from taking personal responsibility for the unhappy situation.
I used to work with a guy - took his family to Hawaii - 'how was Hawaii ?' - 'terrible ! - they charged me for parking !' - he'd driven his rental Mustang convertible car to a beach, found they charged a few dollars for parking, and this was his big deal complaint about how terrible a waste of time and money taking his family to Hawaii was. Wow. That was just one example.
Anything and everything else - no matter how excellent it might seem to anyone else - would be 'terrible !'.
After reading the first bit, I figured either his primary relationship or his job was very unsuited to him - he commonly simply refused to follow directions from his boss - so lo and behold - some years down the track when workplace reform put all our jobs up for re-application and re-interview, guess who lost their job - only him. His karma ran over his dogma.
So my takeaway about negative personalities - are they choosing to stay in untenable relationship/situations - and constant negativity and blaming others allows their ego to feel OK about it - after all - my crappy life is not my fault - it's everyone else's fault ! e.g. https://goo.gl/Nnz6fZ
I used to work with a guy - took his family to Hawaii - 'how was Hawaii ?' - 'terrible ! - they charged me for parking !' - he'd driven his rental Mustang convertible car to a beach, found they charged a few dollars for parking, and this was his big deal complaint about how terrible a waste of time and money taking his family to Hawaii was. Wow. That was just one example.
Anything and everything else - no matter how excellent it might seem to anyone else - would be 'terrible !'.
After reading the first bit, I figured either his primary relationship or his job was very unsuited to him - he commonly simply refused to follow directions from his boss - so lo and behold - some years down the track when workplace reform put all our jobs up for re-application and re-interview, guess who lost their job - only him. His karma ran over his dogma.
So my takeaway about negative personalities - are they choosing to stay in untenable relationship/situations - and constant negativity and blaming others allows their ego to feel OK about it - after all - my crappy life is not my fault - it's everyone else's fault ! e.g. https://goo.gl/Nnz6fZ
13
You are so right! To some people only one small "negative" experience clouds the bigger experience as being "miserable". I'm sure that the parking episode in Hawaii was expressed to his family and made THEIR experience miserable as well. Negativity can be contagious when in a confined space, especially in a family unit. Misery really does love company because it just reinforces what the "complainer" is complaining about...which is usually nothing.
2
Not all negative personalities "choose" to stat in untenable relationships or situations. Often you can't make a choice if you don't feel like you have one, which I found to a major reason with people I've judged to be negative.
The "think positive" practice in this country irks me deeply. In my opinion it's another way of dividing people and fueling juvenile behavior. I also notice that no articles (since this New Age practice of cultivating personal happiness) are about communityand emphasing how cultivate/maintain it are being written. No articles suggesting how to be apart of something greater than yourself to NOT benefit yourself.
As someone who has been labeled as a "negative person" during some of my darkest times, thru introspection, I learned that it would have been good to have someone to truly offer help. Platitudes or being rejected for my feelings about the current situation has helped but it has taught me something about American society: that too many people are concerned about their own advancement not realizing that a rising tide lifts all boats.
The "think positive" practice in this country irks me deeply. In my opinion it's another way of dividing people and fueling juvenile behavior. I also notice that no articles (since this New Age practice of cultivating personal happiness) are about communityand emphasing how cultivate/maintain it are being written. No articles suggesting how to be apart of something greater than yourself to NOT benefit yourself.
As someone who has been labeled as a "negative person" during some of my darkest times, thru introspection, I learned that it would have been good to have someone to truly offer help. Platitudes or being rejected for my feelings about the current situation has helped but it has taught me something about American society: that too many people are concerned about their own advancement not realizing that a rising tide lifts all boats.
2
Positive: Why is my glass half full? Because I drank it. I'm now looking forward to downing the rest.
Negative: Why is my glass half empty? Because I'm waiting for someone to top it off. I can't get enough because I'm never satisfied with what I've got.
Some people are just too needy and will never be satisfied. Just enjoy the drink, whatever it is; then, if you like, pour yourself another.
Negative: Why is my glass half empty? Because I'm waiting for someone to top it off. I can't get enough because I'm never satisfied with what I've got.
Some people are just too needy and will never be satisfied. Just enjoy the drink, whatever it is; then, if you like, pour yourself another.
8
Milton: The mind is a thing unto itself and in itself can make a hell of heaven or a heaven of hell. That was advice for the fallen chief angel In Paradise Lost - which the poet himself may have found comforting in his own difficult personal life.
9
This article may be a litmus test to see whether you're a glass half full person or a glass half empty person
5
I agree with Jane Brody. We can't control all (sometimes, even many) aspects of our lives, but it's good for one's mental health to try to remain open to the good things that we may encounter. When possible, it's appropriate to remember that our setbacks need to be placed in perspective.
4
Certainly individual positive thinking is a realm we'd all love to dwell, but we must not let that spill into passivity. Buckley observed that “we are all increasingly anxious in America to be unobtrusive, we are reluctant to make our voices heard, hesitant about claiming our right; we are afraid that our cause is unjust, or that if it is not unjust, that it is ambiguous; or if not even that, that it is too trivial to justify the horrors of a confrontation with Authority." Let's be awake, real, and yes, positive when we can.
6
This column reminds me of the objections from Dr. Russ Harris's book, The Happiness Trap. According to Harris, saying untrue positive platitudes to oneself is critiqued by the mind as false. Harris writes in The Happiness Trap: "The reality is, life involves pain. There’s no getting away from it." I do not think allowing for some pain in life and for the inefficacy of positive platitudes is a bad thing. There are also problems like Pollyannishness, escapism, and ostrich-head-in-the-sand. Resilience and mindfulness can arise out of accepting the reality of some pain in life, not just denying that pain with micro-experiences of positivity. In addition, Carol Dweck formulates a growth mindset as the type of person who does have goals involving complicated, difficult tasks, whereas a fixed mindset is the type of person who seeks out easily accomplished, simple tasks. Just accepting oneself, warts and all, can itself lead to complacency and to a refusal to seek out new goals and new challenges. A growth mindset teaches that our intelligences, talents, and personalities are not innate and set in stone, so it is not impossible to change one's warts. If one can change one's warts, then why not try to do so?
12
For some people, it might be more helpful to start more slowly and take a Buddhist approach of sitting with your negative feelings, acknowledging them, noticing them, being curious about them but not letting them take on a life of their own by giving them life so to speak. Bad feelings can snowball because we feel bad about them and then the whole story starts growing larger and bigger and takes over. Self awareness is key. Just noticing what your thoughts are doing is a great place to start. Having bad feelings is a human thing, perfectly normal and we need to be careful not to kick them to the curb labelled BAD. They do serve a purpose.
13
I love my job and am fulfilled most days by it. However as a woman I make 70 percent of what my male colleagues make ($12 to their $17 per hour). When I think about it, it distresses me. Yet I think about it because I want to change it. I'm not putting much away for retirement which distresses me even more. If I made as much as my male colleagues I would be able to put more away.
Ms. Brody says to "establish goals that can be accomplisheshed.... be realistic; a goal that is impractical or too challenging can create unnecessary stress." Is smashing the patriarchy and eliminating the wage gap too challenging? Because I want it to occur NOW!
Ms. Brody says to "establish goals that can be accomplisheshed.... be realistic; a goal that is impractical or too challenging can create unnecessary stress." Is smashing the patriarchy and eliminating the wage gap too challenging? Because I want it to occur NOW!
11
I am someone who has developed the capability after many years of effort and struggle, to move from a negative to a more positive thought process and outlook. As I see it, the primary reason for my being able to improve in this area has been the capability, developed over time, to be much more aware of my thought processes, to question them and when necessary to adjust them to a more reality based outlook. It's not so much about always being positive but more about trying to keep my thoughts and as a result of them my feelings in perspective and more reality based. It seems at times that the mind is wired to take us places well beyond what is real and almost always not in a good way. The process is first to be aware, then to reel the mind back and then ultimately to put things on a better path. It is a learned process but one that over time can become almost second nature and automatic. It is a skill that I know through firsthand experience can have a dramatic positive impact on quality of life.
10
I think this is such a good comment. Perhaps because it comes from the mind of someone who had a tendency to be negative and how you observed and understood the process to change that to whatever degree. I too believe that it's more than just behaving a certain way or doing certain things but understanding how your thought process is operating, what your mind's role is, and noticing what it is actually doing first.
1
This essay reminds me of when two guests came to visit one summer afternoon. The first, a young relative, the second, a member of a speaker's club, they had never met. While making a cup of tea for them, they remained silent in the small living-room.
Surprised that they were not having an exchange of simple-minded pleasantries, I wondered who and what they were waiting for, two younger and vulnerable souls, until they would take it in turn to ask if I was in need of help, making me feel as if I were 105 years old.
The Art of Giving is a wonderful skill and makes one feel better than eating an apple, but the Art of Receiving is sometimes harder to understand. It taught me a new lesson that when on occasion, a stranger, a friend, or relative is feeling lost or having a case of the blues, the kindest way to balance the scales is to make them feeling wanted, appreciated and welcome.
Make the Negative Thinker feel needed. The Grasshoppers are happy enough playing the fiddle, and often enjoy their own company.
Surprised that they were not having an exchange of simple-minded pleasantries, I wondered who and what they were waiting for, two younger and vulnerable souls, until they would take it in turn to ask if I was in need of help, making me feel as if I were 105 years old.
The Art of Giving is a wonderful skill and makes one feel better than eating an apple, but the Art of Receiving is sometimes harder to understand. It taught me a new lesson that when on occasion, a stranger, a friend, or relative is feeling lost or having a case of the blues, the kindest way to balance the scales is to make them feeling wanted, appreciated and welcome.
Make the Negative Thinker feel needed. The Grasshoppers are happy enough playing the fiddle, and often enjoy their own company.
4
I come from a long line of "glass-half-empty" folks and I have the permanently dour expression of a bloodhound. But over the years, I have kept bumping into this stuff and when I practice turning around my "natural" tendencies, this work has helped hugely. Thanks for this reminder.
7
I am very much in agreement with all of this. However, a small caution might be in order. The advice to "establish goals that can be accomplished" might well be worth in many cases. However, I for one have learned to thrive while pursuing goals that are of questionable practicality. I've developed a sense of humor about this. Whether I am reaching high or overreaching has limited importance to me. I enjoy what I'm doing and spend very close to zero time worrying about the endpoint.
4
I've read both this and the article from 3/27/17 and one thing I observed is, the readers, or at least the commenters, divide into two camps: one camp sees the article by as half-empty while the other sees it half-full of herself.
We all read the same articles yet come up with very divergent opinions. I tend to fall on the glass half-full camp along the spectrum, should be I be tested. Although, some issues may push me closer to the opposite side. Either way, after much thought and reflection on whatever glass is foisted upon me, I can also observe and appreciate how unique the glass is.
We all read the same articles yet come up with very divergent opinions. I tend to fall on the glass half-full camp along the spectrum, should be I be tested. Although, some issues may push me closer to the opposite side. Either way, after much thought and reflection on whatever glass is foisted upon me, I can also observe and appreciate how unique the glass is.
4
I couldn't help but notice that this article is one that aroused quite a bit of interest today, judging by how many readers commented on it. Elsewhere, a course on Positive Psychology is one the most popular courses taught in the Psychology Department of Harvard. Whether we think it is attainable or not, positive affect seems to be a topic of interest for many.
2
If anyone doubts the impact or effect of practicing the giving and receiving of kindness, read Terri Roberts book Forgiven. She is the mother of the young man who killed and wounded the Amish girls outside Lancaster, PA.
3
Sometimes the situation calls for worry and fear, and for action that might put personal happiness at risk. There is something childish in always wanting to be positive about everything.
8
My siblings and I were raised by an extremely negative mother, and a cow-towing father who only wanted our mother to be "happy." Ironically, our mother was rarely happy. Forever negative and narcissistic, and perpetually never satisfied, our mother exuded negativity, rarely did good for others, could have cared less about the world around her unless it was about her, and at the end of her life, she had not one friend.
I believe that in order to foster positive emotions you have to live in an environment that supports them, not one that shoots them down and quashes them. Parents who are positive thinking are more apt to raise children who are positive thinking. On a broader scale, families, communities, and the world would be a better, more positive place if people would stop and take inventory on negative thinking.
Everyday it's a struggle to "look on the bright side" but it's become much easier and more habitual since my mother died several years ago, and it has helped to move away from the NY Metro Area to the west.
Another Redbook-like "how-to article and check list for becoming a more positive thinking person is a start. Thank you for raising awareness.
I believe that in order to foster positive emotions you have to live in an environment that supports them, not one that shoots them down and quashes them. Parents who are positive thinking are more apt to raise children who are positive thinking. On a broader scale, families, communities, and the world would be a better, more positive place if people would stop and take inventory on negative thinking.
Everyday it's a struggle to "look on the bright side" but it's become much easier and more habitual since my mother died several years ago, and it has helped to move away from the NY Metro Area to the west.
Another Redbook-like "how-to article and check list for becoming a more positive thinking person is a start. Thank you for raising awareness.
5
Thanks, but i prefer reality — sometimes it is wonderful, sometimes it is terrible, but most of the time it is a mixed bag.
10
One's attitude doesn't change facts (reality). It changes how those facts affect us.
19
But reality is not all the same thing. And actually you can change that reality. Looking around the world can make one very cynical, but applying the first few actions on the list can change reality. Why, because reality is also perception and minds can guide that perception. For example an educated understanding of painting gives you joy. Then you can deal with the really negative bits.
2
I accept reality, and I cope with it by doing the things outlined at the end of this article. My natural tendency has been toward pessimism but I found that living there was helpful to me emotionally, relationally, or professionally. Coping with reality (and I have survived a series of traumatic events that are outside the usual range of experience), has reinforced my capacity for resilience, and lbeen a barrier to taking actions fueled by depression and rage that likely could have resulted in, to be quite frank, incarceration for the rest of my life. Taking the time to not just appreciate the flowers but actually grow them, or to step outside my own pain in order to come to the aid of another, were not acts of pollyannism or a sunny disposition but deliberate choices meant to ensure my survival. Choosing to find the positive takes practice, and often it is tremendously hard.
2
How to be happy and positive: Grow old! Yes, you heard it--- Grow old. I've found that many of the issues of youth and middle-aged evaporate when you no longer face the possible triggers of discontent: job, children, strenuous schedule, hectic life-style, achievement-achievement-achievement mentality. Of course, growing old and sick has its own set of depressing issues. Is any age perfect? No! In my experience, being old and relatively healthy has rewarded me with less negativity, less fretfulness. I think the brain must finally relax at this age and give in to simple pleasures...
25
Ageism and age discrimination--social and career--can be pretty depressing.
1
Christine--You've got it, dear! Wish I could have been this positive 50 years ago. Everything in my life would have been different, maybe even better. But, Mom used to say, "if wishes were horses, beggars would ride." ;-)
3
Along with this, accept aging and do what is within your power to agin gracefully and in good health.
5
Written like somebody that has weekends off, probably works from home, is well-off and hasn't had a traumatic experience in their lifetime.
I might be assuming, but I don't assume anyone can just think positive if you tell them to think that way. If needs aren't met, whatever they may be and if they're well within expectation, then they're doing the best they can with what they have.
I might be assuming, but I don't assume anyone can just think positive if you tell them to think that way. If needs aren't met, whatever they may be and if they're well within expectation, then they're doing the best they can with what they have.
13
I'm an oral historian and some of the most positive people I've met have experienced incalculable losses from childhood through middle age... traumatic losses and experiences change the person and their outlook but the still at time happy ones have a determination to keep living despite pain
3
Ms Brody suggested ways to help you LEARN to be positive. She acknowledged the difficulty.
1
Growing up my father always made us repeat the golden rule, which was to treat others as you would want to be treated. This has never left me. I still live by this philosphy and I try to see the bright side of things even when life turns grim. A Pollyanna I am not but I figure why not try to see the world from a positive spin? A little humor tossed with reality can make life tolerable.
12
"...Do good things for other people. Appreciate the world around you. Develop and bolster relationships. Establish goals that can be accomplished. Learn something new. Choose to accept yourself, flaws and all. Practice resilience. Practice resilience. Practice mindfulness...." all these things come as a result of believing in Jesus and praying. Indeed, the "Practice resilience and Practice mindfulness" is just part of praying. Seriously, just accept Jesus as your savior and all these things will become, naturally, part of your life :)
7
I find that daily chats with Zeus, Odin, and Brahman work wonders.
2
Paco--Funny, I was able to free myself, and develop positivity almost the moment I decided that God was bunk. Life is so much better without "God." Now, I can REALLY appreciate my situation, my surroundings, nature, and people, without dragging that ball and chain around with me!
5
Thank you Paco! Bless you for affirming my own personal wellspring. How lucky you are to live where the great Camino is.....I hope your footsteps get to revisit it soon!
1
Lot of Debbie downers commenting on this topic! I practice meditation, do other things to manage my tendency toward negative thought. Since every human is unique, there is no one solution. this article provides some useful options but it is up to each person to see what works for them.
12
So many Pollyannas!!
I'm fortunate at the moment -- not in the depths of despair but in a pretty good place.
But when the walls close in, the world looks like an emotionless desert, and nothing can bring joy (no feelings at all), the "just snap out of it" impulse some people make is an insult.
Find "hyperbole and a half" blog "depression 2" to get a send of the feeling.
Just "I just do yoga and have nice thoughts" is like telling a fish to "just breath that air and you can walk on the beach".
I'm fortunate at the moment -- not in the depths of despair but in a pretty good place.
But when the walls close in, the world looks like an emotionless desert, and nothing can bring joy (no feelings at all), the "just snap out of it" impulse some people make is an insult.
Find "hyperbole and a half" blog "depression 2" to get a send of the feeling.
Just "I just do yoga and have nice thoughts" is like telling a fish to "just breath that air and you can walk on the beach".
8
Hey, Pollyanna!!
So nice to do yoga and meditate so all will be well.
Fortunately things are OK at the moment, but as many other readers will undoubtedly attest, when it's bad, just having ANY emotion would be a success.
Just meditate and think happy thoughts!
Just snap out of it!!
Or, you could tell a fish to take a walk on beach!! It'll feel great!!
Why taunt us with things we cannot do when things are at their worst?
Just think happy thoughts ...
So nice to do yoga and meditate so all will be well.
Fortunately things are OK at the moment, but as many other readers will undoubtedly attest, when it's bad, just having ANY emotion would be a success.
Just meditate and think happy thoughts!
Just snap out of it!!
Or, you could tell a fish to take a walk on beach!! It'll feel great!!
Why taunt us with things we cannot do when things are at their worst?
Just think happy thoughts ...
3
To the pessimists above:
I've struggled with depression my whole life. Been on antidepressants and in therapy. I find always cheery people annoying.
But read the article again. It doesn't advise you to just cheer up. It gives recommendations that take conscious intent and hard work (especially from people like us) to follow. Practicing meditation and mindfulness is difficult. Strengthening social connections is even harder for people like us.
This is far from "don't worry, be happy."
I've struggled with depression my whole life. Been on antidepressants and in therapy. I find always cheery people annoying.
But read the article again. It doesn't advise you to just cheer up. It gives recommendations that take conscious intent and hard work (especially from people like us) to follow. Practicing meditation and mindfulness is difficult. Strengthening social connections is even harder for people like us.
This is far from "don't worry, be happy."
2
Think there is another recommendation that the author passes by at the top: Don't segregate the generations: watching those toddlers go off to school is great for college students and the retired alike.
12
Much of your advice is good advice when taken by an individual for him or herself. That said, too often folks use such advice as a cudgel with which to admonish others. I am pretty much a glass-half-full kind of gal, but I have so often witnessed someone trying to cheer another up by insisting that they should just 'decide' to be positive or to feel happy. Sometimes the issue is clinical depression which needs more help than raw determination; sometimes it just takes a person who has been beaten up and tossed about by life time to and the help of caring others to find a better way.
24
a caution...
against lumping depression into the "negativity" basket....brain chemistry is, of course, influential across the range emotional/attitudinal affairs, but depression, for only one example, makes belief or more immediately, faith, (sometimes even in the sunrise) difficult...the issue for those subject to deprerssion is less often driven by an impinging world, one that can appear less threatening though a "positive" lens. (careful here, overdose leads to denial), than it is driven by discontents from within...it not the world, it's the "me."
,,,and a suggestion, take a look at karen horney's classic, "self analysis."
against lumping depression into the "negativity" basket....brain chemistry is, of course, influential across the range emotional/attitudinal affairs, but depression, for only one example, makes belief or more immediately, faith, (sometimes even in the sunrise) difficult...the issue for those subject to deprerssion is less often driven by an impinging world, one that can appear less threatening though a "positive" lens. (careful here, overdose leads to denial), than it is driven by discontents from within...it not the world, it's the "me."
,,,and a suggestion, take a look at karen horney's classic, "self analysis."
8
Another very good and thoughtful piece and as I reach a certain age and am evermore dragged down by sad, negative and depressing thoughts, these little tips are worthy and helpful.
Yet, I do have to take some exception to the 2nd last point. Understand the whole resilience thing, however ... deep trauma, loss, etc. are more than the 'lemons' of life. And making lemonade out of them simplifies a very tricky area too much.
Yes, one can grow and learn and even find meaning, but that 'lemonade' will always, always be tart & bitter.
Yet, I do have to take some exception to the 2nd last point. Understand the whole resilience thing, however ... deep trauma, loss, etc. are more than the 'lemons' of life. And making lemonade out of them simplifies a very tricky area too much.
Yes, one can grow and learn and even find meaning, but that 'lemonade' will always, always be tart & bitter.
10
The advent of the Trump mentality into American politics has already done untold damage to the psyche of the average citizen. Trumps negative hyper critical assault on anyone he disagrees with or someone who does not support him adequately is demoralizing the population.
The news media has leaped to overplay Trumps antics to increase their revenue and at the same time flooded the country with a steady barrage of nagative messages.
The emotional intelligence of Trump's mentality is borderline dysfunctional and the last thing the country needs during a stressful time for so many Americans!
The news media has leaped to overplay Trumps antics to increase their revenue and at the same time flooded the country with a steady barrage of nagative messages.
The emotional intelligence of Trump's mentality is borderline dysfunctional and the last thing the country needs during a stressful time for so many Americans!
25
The last thing the country needs is trump.
Protest and resist every day in every way!
Protest and resist every day in every way!
3
I just am against fostering positive emotions, like compassion, to be happy. Yes, happiness is important, but so are integrity, activism, and growth as an individual and as a member of society.
Read Barbara Ehrenreich's Blind-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America. It can be dangerous, since it --too much positivity--can put us to sleep where social change is crucial. We can be so positive as to forget the other sides that need changing.
Read Barbara Ehrenreich's Blind-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America. It can be dangerous, since it --too much positivity--can put us to sleep where social change is crucial. We can be so positive as to forget the other sides that need changing.
24
I hear you, and have always been deeply disappointed by the country's self-centered apathy. But I think there's a more nuanced difference at work that may not come across here, and may not even be Brody's intent, that is nonetheless essential. Speaking for myself, my negativity--in general, but in the specific instance you've mentioned, our current political circumstances--has led me into a depression I've felt frozen by, and helpless to act as a result. When I have felt positive in the past I have been energized and very politically active. So I'm going to try the activities offered here to see if they can help me get out of this funk and make a difference.
4
I saw this magnet message at the post office: "Life is too important to be taken seriously"__Oscar Wilde
I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Somehow it speaks volumes to my "interior compass", so to speak. We all have to make our way through this ghastly time and use every tool in our toolboxes.
Thank you NYT!!!!
I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Somehow it speaks volumes to my "interior compass", so to speak. We all have to make our way through this ghastly time and use every tool in our toolboxes.
Thank you NYT!!!!
6
Hi Steve:
Hate to be a pessimist here, but Martin Seligman (father of Positive Psychology movement) contradicts Shaw on that one. He says that research shows pessimists to perceive reality more accurately than optimists. This accounts for optimists' greater ability to launch ventures, persevere in difficult relationships, etc., all of which require something closer to faith in an idea rather than an accurate perception of the risk involved.
Hate to be a pessimist here, but Martin Seligman (father of Positive Psychology movement) contradicts Shaw on that one. He says that research shows pessimists to perceive reality more accurately than optimists. This accounts for optimists' greater ability to launch ventures, persevere in difficult relationships, etc., all of which require something closer to faith in an idea rather than an accurate perception of the risk involved.
16
Yes, but there can be a world of difference between what we perceive and how we interpret it. As Marcus Aurelius argues in his Meditations: “The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it." “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
8
"You get what you concentrate upon..
...whether you want it or not!"---Abraham
...whether you want it or not!"---Abraham
3
Perhaps a quote will be of some help . . . . . . "The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those who haven't got it."
- George Bernard Shaw
- George Bernard Shaw
25
or another quote ... 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right.' - Henry Ford
7
Outstanding advice! Standing still and focusing on a scene in nature in any season has always connected me to positive feelings. Also, looking carefully at people's faces helps me to connect with myself and with others. I like to greet the people I meet in passing; often I get to see their eyes light up, too. Today I saw a backhoe in the neighborhood and marveled once again at the beauty of machines. My very favorite is the airplane. The pictures my daughter sends me of my little grandson always send me out into the world with a mission to find more beauty. It's all around.
9
I am a recovering Alcoholic. The 12 steps in AA exactly teach you to do what is covered in this article, help you to become a better yourself and productive member of society. The resulting positive thinking is a very nice side effect.
11
The technical term, for how the brain's structure can change, as a result of positive thinking, is neuroplasticity. The psychological approach to challenging negative thinking patterns is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), and the approach which includes the practice of mindfulness is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT); both approaches are typically conducted in a group setting.
8
I've suffered from depression my entire life, and then "miraculously", it turned around a couple of years ago. It wasn't the stuff of miracles--I radically changed my environment around me to eliminate all stimuli that provoked negative feelings, whether that was a song on the radio I needed to shut off, the daily treacherous news, or (as is most often the case) people. Whenever I start to feel sad, I try to trace what *immediately* happened before I those feelings started, and then I eliminate that in my life. I also then inject myself and surround myself with positive stimuli. It's a constant effort, but life is truly worth it.
20
good work - well done - a successful life is deciding what you need to do, and then simply doing it - not just wallowing in self-pity 'I tried that and failed so therefore it's not worth trying ever again'
I read something about healthy life - intelligent people are more likely to go to the doctor, TAKE THEIR ADVICE, change what they do, and live a long happy healthy life. Stupid people are more likely to avoid going to the doctor for fear of hearing bad news, so when they finally get the diagnosis, it's too far advanced, then say 'see - that's why I didn't want to go to the doctor !', and die sooner.
I read something about healthy life - intelligent people are more likely to go to the doctor, TAKE THEIR ADVICE, change what they do, and live a long happy healthy life. Stupid people are more likely to avoid going to the doctor for fear of hearing bad news, so when they finally get the diagnosis, it's too far advanced, then say 'see - that's why I didn't want to go to the doctor !', and die sooner.
2
It is not always the years of your life that count, but how you have lived your life during those years.
Excellent Article. I suffer with depression at times. I find exercise and forcing myself to think positive and stay away from negative conversations generally helps. Some of my family members tend to be negative and I have to remind them to stop shaking their fist at every windmill.
Making time to appreciate good things are key.
Making time to appreciate good things are key.
13
To those who feel that thinking positive is being a Pollyanna or naive or stupid in today's world of hardships, please consider that Bernie Siegel, world renowned writer and cancer surgeon, tells of a visit to a concentration camp. While this circumstance would surely quality as the worst of trauma, the worst of hardship and the worst of world events that can happen to anyone, he found this written on a wall: "I believe in the sun even when it doesn't shine. I believe in God even when he doesn't speak. I believe in love even when it doesn't show." Yes, there are genuinely loving people on our planet, even in the most barren of surroundings and political agendas. I, for one, think this is something worth cultivating and does exist in the human spirit. Thank you for your morning greetings to the kiddos, Jane Brody. Never a waste of time or love there.
27
The compulsively cheerful and upbeat horrify me. I have chosen to accept this flaw within my character, and turn down all social invitations for fear of running into one of them. I'm 70, and so far, so good. The dozens of goldfinches at my feeders are eating me out of house and home, and I rejoice at this (admittedly transactional) friendship. Some of them spend more time fighting off the others than actually eating, but 'twas ever thus. They are the Trumpists of their species, and don't seem to be enjoying themselves at all. Maybe someone should instruct them to meditate.
29
I find the artificially cheerful to be off putting and disingenuous. I find such people to be secretive, never allowing you to know them, as they hide behind their saccharine smiles and silly banter.
12
I always comment that the 1978 sci-fi/horror flick "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" was a documentary, not a fictional film. And being admonished to practice this or that meditation or mindfulness always smacks too much of cult-like indoctrination to this child of the 1960s. Let people be free to let their freak flag fly, whatever mood it portrays, rather than relegate them to some kind of instructional session purportedly good for them but also guaranteed to cost a deal of money...
8
I did meditation for free from a borrowed library book - worked for me !
But sure if your country has everything for a price, I can understand a disenchantment with vested interests.
But sure if your country has everything for a price, I can understand a disenchantment with vested interests.
1
what you are talking about is metta - a form of Buddhist meditation. Rick Hansen, a Buddhist and a neuroscientist, has been writing about this for years. But the Buddhists have been talking about this for 2,500 years!!
5
metta ? - I'd never heard of so had to google it - loving/kindness meditation - as sold by certain groups - 'suggest potential benefits ... However, peer reviews question the quality and sample size of these studies, then suggest caution' - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mett%C4%81
Accepting yourself as you are is probably the hardest thing to ask of anyone, especially in a society that continuously demands better, faster, stronger, prettier, richer....
25
And people who accept themselves aren't very lucrative for advertisers/sellers!
12
But lets not equate negative thought processes w depression. That is just one possible symptom. There are plenty of people who are "negative" but who are not depressed and who function just fine.
8
Negative narcissists "function fine" while creating negative force field to repel and neutralize others whose glass is half full.
5
Realistic Optimist: One can be negative without being a narcissist. You seem to be rather hard on those who don't view life the same way you do.
3
In the end the most overt factor contributing to a sense of impending doom and anxiety is likely to be the media both online and off.
Particularly in America where the 'news' cycle is literally insane, and has so many negative effects.
And Id very much hoped that after the farce that was Brexit and Trump, they might have learnt their lesson.
But after a couple of weeks of shamefaced restraint, they are back to their old tricks.
Do journalists and editors not realise they are now hated and distrusted nearly as much as politicians?
Particularly in America where the 'news' cycle is literally insane, and has so many negative effects.
And Id very much hoped that after the farce that was Brexit and Trump, they might have learnt their lesson.
But after a couple of weeks of shamefaced restraint, they are back to their old tricks.
Do journalists and editors not realise they are now hated and distrusted nearly as much as politicians?
4
You conflate all people who post and write on the internet with "journalists" or "editors." So wrong... THAT'S the real problem: People's inability to distinguish between true, solid news coverage and slanted, sensationalistic opportunism in the guise of "journalism." Totally different creatures -- IF you bother to look hard enough and use some critical thinking, it's obvious. But it's so much easier to blindly accept whatever sputum and bile you are spoonfed online and on TV. READ & THINK!
9
I would love to be happy except that I see the world in a permanent crisis, especially with regard to climate change, which is on us like a locomotive. We're very much in the position of the Australians in the 1957 book and 1959 movie "On the Beach," waiting for the nuclear cloud. If I didn't have a kid, I'd care a whole lot less. For me, losing sight of that reality is silly.
11
No one is suggesting you lose sight of it, are they.
But if you are swamped with negativity, its THAT much harder to come up with solutions.
And if one wallows in a 24 hr news cycle then your ability to discern genuine threat from exaggerated out of context clickbait is majorly compromised.
Find useful ways you can contribute and help. Aside from the obvious need, it will make you feel less powerless, and also ask yourself how real is your 'realism'? Is being a chicken little not more than a little silly?
And DONT PANIC Americans, you create your own national hysteria!
But if you are swamped with negativity, its THAT much harder to come up with solutions.
And if one wallows in a 24 hr news cycle then your ability to discern genuine threat from exaggerated out of context clickbait is majorly compromised.
Find useful ways you can contribute and help. Aside from the obvious need, it will make you feel less powerless, and also ask yourself how real is your 'realism'? Is being a chicken little not more than a little silly?
And DONT PANIC Americans, you create your own national hysteria!
Berk,
You write "I would love to be happy except that I see the world in a permanent crisis." If I may translate that into English, you're saying "I'd love to be happy but I'm determined to be unhappy."
There are no doubt a whole lot of problems in the world, many of which we've brought upon ourselves, individually or through our collective folly. I have a simple proposition for you: be glad you have the ability to get to work on them.
You write "I would love to be happy except that I see the world in a permanent crisis." If I may translate that into English, you're saying "I'd love to be happy but I'm determined to be unhappy."
There are no doubt a whole lot of problems in the world, many of which we've brought upon ourselves, individually or through our collective folly. I have a simple proposition for you: be glad you have the ability to get to work on them.
7
I feel the same way.
Negativism at some degree of pathology is subconscious. It normalizes pain and suffering. Animals have it, except that they don't call it stress or vibes. Most intensely negative people I know don't realize to what degree their amygdala is all controlling and consuming, impulsively committing acts of involuntary manslaughter on unsuspecting prey and loved ones. In some essence, it is purely and instinctively a survival urge - to eat or to be eaten, that has been built in all of us for millions of years. The acts of negativism is cathartic, and can cure the ill psychological of negative emotions all pent up inside one's head and stomach. In other words, to cure negativism, you might have to just be as negative as all you can be until you unleashed that demon to its demise and escaped from eternal hell.
Psychology is really a modern invention, and sometimes I wonder if positivity is also a human invention as well. A negative person needs a victim to cure him, but a positive person needs to be free to love, to share, to exercise such powerful for the health. This is particularly more apt considering that we all will live for a very long time, positive emotions such as love rejuvenate and even reverse rather than accelerate the physiology of aging. This more true of women who have been freed from the responsibility of motherhood, of wifely duties, of menopause, and can age gracefully, as women tend to be more emotionally positive than men.
A man needs a good woman in matrimony.
Psychology is really a modern invention, and sometimes I wonder if positivity is also a human invention as well. A negative person needs a victim to cure him, but a positive person needs to be free to love, to share, to exercise such powerful for the health. This is particularly more apt considering that we all will live for a very long time, positive emotions such as love rejuvenate and even reverse rather than accelerate the physiology of aging. This more true of women who have been freed from the responsibility of motherhood, of wifely duties, of menopause, and can age gracefully, as women tend to be more emotionally positive than men.
A man needs a good woman in matrimony.
4
Seriously? Your misogyny is appalling... Holding women to a higher standard as a generality simply because they have vaginas. Amazingly ignorant and damaging.
4
The key to living a positive happy life? Be grateful. It is a fact that you will never meet an ungrateful happy person.
14
Concise and wise...thank you!
1
Often symptoms of depression generate a form of anxiety difficult to manage, a kind of restlessness impossible to stem that might lead to extreme negativity. But then consider: this form of anxious restlessness could be turned into some positives through activity; and I do not mean activities that tend to cancel this restlessness - how many times we do things in order to drown our despondency, thinking we are doing the right thing - but turning dejection "upside down", as it were; within uncontrollable restlessness there is anxiousness of realization; from getting out of bed in the morning knowing that if you shirk activities postponing them until tomorrow, that angst pushes you into the doing of something - even appreciating you are recognizing the down and get a move instead. It is true: present moment, marvelous moment.
2
Exercise that makes you concentrate on the task at hand, such as Pilates or Martial Arts, weightlifting etc.
Cessation of caffeine and sugar, increase magnesium. Lower salt eat more potassium rich foods.
Do this and within days you will start to feel calmer.
Then root out any underlying issues.
If there arent any, then its lifestyle - online use, nutrition, low level dehydration and accumalated muscular tension/ poor breathing.
Cessation of caffeine and sugar, increase magnesium. Lower salt eat more potassium rich foods.
Do this and within days you will start to feel calmer.
Then root out any underlying issues.
If there arent any, then its lifestyle - online use, nutrition, low level dehydration and accumalated muscular tension/ poor breathing.
4
Look, as Buddha did at the results of words, thoughts and deeds arising from loving kindness and compassion and the results of words, thoughts and deeds that come out of greed and aversion and you'll see the choice not to suffer is yours. Start now, time is short.
10
So explain Trump's election...
3
ha!
anything to escape confinement in the baskets...given that we're all sinners, it might be said that the trumpers were those not in denial of that and voted against those who imagined themselves exempt.
anything to escape confinement in the baskets...given that we're all sinners, it might be said that the trumpers were those not in denial of that and voted against those who imagined themselves exempt.
The closest type of explanation, I believe, will only be arrived at by the passage of time and some kind of wise hindsight.
Right now ,,"IT".. (reality 2017) is just science fiction to me and one method of coping is to decide this era is one big absurdist comedy channel.
I am most grateful to have witnessed the arc and light of one Barack H. Obama. So, despite all this science fiction I am glad to be alive.
Right now ,,"IT".. (reality 2017) is just science fiction to me and one method of coping is to decide this era is one big absurdist comedy channel.
I am most grateful to have witnessed the arc and light of one Barack H. Obama. So, despite all this science fiction I am glad to be alive.
I agree with all of the suggestions and have to add another. Learn to let go. This can be related to mindfulness in letting go of the past or resilience in accepting a situation that you cannot change and making the best of it. I have come to realize that when I obsessed about past hurts, the person who was unhappy was me. The person who hurt me was going on merrily (or not) with their life. When things happen, like a delay of your flight, have a coffee or a drink, find something to read, catch up on work, or just relax and think. Yelling at ground staff will not make a difference. Resilience, acceptance and mindfulness add up to a contented life.
9
Excellent article. I have seen people transform from the positive effects of regular meditation including myself. I used to be very on edge, anxious and read multiple newspapers a day.
It bolsters confidence too. The confident, positive person will not let negative energy drain them! I also have learned to think critically and more creatively.
It bolsters confidence too. The confident, positive person will not let negative energy drain them! I also have learned to think critically and more creatively.
4
The WE world breeds positive thoughts; and it starts with YOU.
Smell the roses.
Smile as the sun rises.
Connect with other people.
Smell the roses.
Smile as the sun rises.
Connect with other people.
7
Along with cultivating positive emotions, I would recommend reading and following the work of the Greek Stoics as well as teachings of Buddhist and part of Hindu philosophy. The thrust of all these teaching is acceptance of inevitable pain and suffering. It's a recipe that's sorely needed and would be much appreciated, especially in our fractured times. You do what you can to improve the world, but you also accept the world as it is with equanimity.
9
It's difficult to straddle the line between encouraging people to find a more positive viewpoint and denying the very real griefs and painful feelings that need to be worked through and supported.
A prime example, which I've brought up before, is the fear of "negativity" some people experience when a person who has cancer shares the perfectly normal reactions many of us have to the disease or treatment. We are admonished to "be positive" or else we won't get better. This only adds to the burden. Sometimes the body chemistry that supports positivity just isn't there. As my doctor said when I was berating myself for not being able to maintain a positive outlook "don't worry that you're not feeling positive right now. With serum levels of hormone like you have right now you could say affirmations all day long and still feel depressed..."
Sometimes the most effective way to help a person who is having negative thoughts to shift their world view is to acknowledge their pain - to deeply and compassionately listen to the hurts and fears. Carrying their burden for a while, by listening, can give them the break they need so they can find their way back.
A prime example, which I've brought up before, is the fear of "negativity" some people experience when a person who has cancer shares the perfectly normal reactions many of us have to the disease or treatment. We are admonished to "be positive" or else we won't get better. This only adds to the burden. Sometimes the body chemistry that supports positivity just isn't there. As my doctor said when I was berating myself for not being able to maintain a positive outlook "don't worry that you're not feeling positive right now. With serum levels of hormone like you have right now you could say affirmations all day long and still feel depressed..."
Sometimes the most effective way to help a person who is having negative thoughts to shift their world view is to acknowledge their pain - to deeply and compassionately listen to the hurts and fears. Carrying their burden for a while, by listening, can give them the break they need so they can find their way back.
43
Carl Jung said he never had a fully-successful outcome with patients in therapy unless they embraced the concept of God, a transcendent giving purpose and meaning to life. On the same point, just read the first three steps of AA's 12-step program. Meditation without the concept of the transcendent is of limited use. Why, oh why are all of us smart, so-modern people so negative and hostile to the concept of a God "as we understand God?"
14
I read so much on being more positive I just do not have time to be more positive. I will admit that talking to kids is a for sure at lifting the brain to a positive point. I do this in a STEM program that I support. Interactive sessions with 12 to 16 yr olds can you really value who you are and the way you can help kids. And the kids really DO think I am smart! That's feeds positive brand support.
Tom...
Tom...
2
Easier said than done for some people. I know all the things I should be doing in order to feel better, but with two little children (one of whom drives me bonkers) who are not in daycare I have zero time for myself. Zero.
5
Ana - I feel for you as I'm in a similar situation. Please know that it will get better! Your kids will grow and be off to school before you know it, but I think there are opportunities for many of the other points in the article. Sharing a funny moment with my 12 month old son can completely change my day and I try to hang on to that feeling as long as I can and also cultivate those feelings.
Also nothing wrong with asking for help from a friend or family so you can get away from them for an hour or two. My wife and I take turns on the weekend so we can each have a bit of time to ourselves. Good luck! It get's better!
Also nothing wrong with asking for help from a friend or family so you can get away from them for an hour or two. My wife and I take turns on the weekend so we can each have a bit of time to ourselves. Good luck! It get's better!
12
I know it is exhausting and boring and repetitive to spend all day with little people and their constant needs. When I was a young mother, and everyone constantly told me to savor every minute since it all goes so fast (not fast enough some days!), I tried to think of my kids' curiosity as a teacher, as an opportunity to see the world from their usually good-natured perspective. Good luck to you.
3
I have the same issue, there's no time for myself ever and my children are opposites! They can be demanding and hard to keep up with. I'm taking advice and looking for suggestions all the time
1
I love lists. This is a good one. I've struggled with depression AND being surrounded by negative people in the past. Art therapy and mindfulness were so helpful! Having the lists of positive things I can do each day to change something, no matter how small or insignificant they seemed at the time, was very helpful. They are building blocks, for sure. The more of them you can manage to do, the faster the new, healthy habits form. ...Sometimes, that healthy habit needs to be removing yourself from those negative people. You can't change them. Trying to will only make both of you MORE miserable, AND resentful. Believe me, I've tried. No matter how good your intentions, they will just cause some people to react strongly in opposition. Don't push! Let them walk their own path. You keep walking yours. Lead by example. Don't try to control. Practice radical acceptance, if you have to. Know when it's time to walk away.
This is a great list.
This is a great list.
8
I've had MS since 2000, which predisposes me to depression. Six kids (for the most part adults) a few w/ varying degrees of drug and/or alcohol issues, son has son and baby mama, parent in nursing home, husband cheats w/ "escort". Escort stalks entire family, husband loses job when escort informs employer and fabricates stories on her blog which she then sends to local paper. Empty our savings acct on attorney to defend husband's "retirement options" and get order of protection for entire family. Then there's Trump and Russia and Brexit and France's La Pen and Turkey and Syria. My personal survival strategy through all this has been MEDITATION (not prayer-I'm an atheist). No, it's NOT easy. It takes time and regular practice. I had to learn how to let go of the idea that I have control. Meditation really does work. Also, I love to read. So when you read about the horrors that people endured (and continue to endure) all over the world, it just puts things in perspective. Almost impossible me to feel bad about my troubles when I think about a Mother and her children being marched into a concentration camp or a Mother watching her child starve in Syria. Anytime one of my kids complain, I just text them a picture of what their life COULD be like; woman in a burqa, a 20 yr. old fighting cancer etc. Get our of your own head. And, know that it's ok to cry and be unhappy. Just don't stay in that place.
20
There are also scientific studies that show that the depressed are actually *more realistic* than the non depressed. Chronic severe depression is a disease and should be treated, but all kinds of less-than-upbeat people have contributed more than their share to our world. If the author is bummed out by their negativity, he can be sure that his constant cheerfulness grates on them. It takes all kinds
27
I am neighbors with an 80-year-old woman who has had surgery for a large number of her vertebrae, double hip replacements, surgical shortening of her colon, at least one stroke, numerous skin cancer and other ailments too numerous to mention. However, she exemplifies all of the precepts in the article and thus is a delightful person to be around. I, ten years her junior, am working to emulate her and always keep my glass half full.
13
The writer's friend asked, “What do you do about people who are always negative?” and then the writer wrote a column about how to make *oneself* more positive.
It's not a big revelation that one can become more positive if one chooses to be.
It's not a big revelation that one can become more positive if one chooses to be.
2
I agree, being around chronically negative people can drag even the most positive person down, as mentioned in the beginning of the article. It's a challenge is to tune out the half-glass-empty person, much less encourage him or her to keep it to themselves or encourage them practice some of the suggested steps to avoid negativity. I an a big fan of ms Brody's column but agree this one switched focus after a few paragraphs. I'd be interested in her suggestions.
1
To assess anything correctly you need more than one point of view. I'll leave it at that
9
I enjoyed reading this article. I find as I age that remaining positive can be challenging. I love the idea that meditating on kindness or or other positives can be life changing.
Sometimes I wake up full of dread and negativity. I lie there and think of something good [like puppies or kittens] until I feel a shift in my brain chemistry.
It's amazing how easy it is once one has made the effort... and also amazing that it takes so much discipline to do that one small thing!
Sometimes I wake up full of dread and negativity. I lie there and think of something good [like puppies or kittens] until I feel a shift in my brain chemistry.
It's amazing how easy it is once one has made the effort... and also amazing that it takes so much discipline to do that one small thing!
22
I am so sick of people telling everyone else to JUST BE HAPPY. Stop it!
27
And yet ... the article contains the word "happy" only ONCE. The goal is to emphasize positive emotions whenever possible. There are many different types of positive emotions. And the article certainly doesn't offer a simple and simplistic "just be happy" piece of advice.
I've found that some people are happy being unhappy. They've conditioned themselves to find pleasure in what most people find unpleasant such as negative emotions. If they experienced a period of prolonged positivity, it would be uncomfortable and short lived. Unless they are truly suffering from depression and/or anxiety, teaching them how to be positive is fruitless. Understanding how our thoughts influence our feeling and actions would be the first step after willingness. That being said, many Americans are 'diagnosed' with depression for unexplained reasons. Anti-depressants are distributed like candy. There are, of course, instances when medication is necessary. I always recommend a genetic blood test for the MTHFR gene mutation which can be a factor for depression. When an individual understand how their genetics may play a role in how they feel, they may find comfort in this knowledge and let go of the stigma associated it and get necessary intervention.
5
The article was very well done and I really think it might help someone somewhere. But I have to agree with people that are saying that the actions mencioned by the author aren't for people with strong psychological issues like depression or anxiety, for example. If you are always feeling negative or depressive, you probably won't get better by "appreciating the world around you". You'll start feeling better when you find a professional that can help you, a psychologist, someone that studied with the porpose of helping people like you.
Btw, considering that the article wasn't made thinking about depression (I hope it wasn't) it is good and can open our eyes to little things on our routine that we miss out when we are paying attention on messages etc.
Btw, considering that the article wasn't made thinking about depression (I hope it wasn't) it is good and can open our eyes to little things on our routine that we miss out when we are paying attention on messages etc.
13
Negativity is not always a bad thing. Through the experience of one of my kids in competitive sports, I recently learnt it would be delusional to pretend bringing all the people we care about to our positive side. And I learnt the game changer is to “reset”, as those feelings can get to drain, paralyze and short-circuit our brains, even poking the beasts we have inside.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-reset-paco-robles
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-reset-paco-robles
6
I tried all that and remained negative from the second I wake up in the mornings. just looked like the default feeling. one pill solved it all. Sometimes you just can solve it. Your mind circuots are too imbalanced. it can work for a day or two but the mind goes back to his negative comfortable place. I am still generally negative but I have more moments of joy.
10
Be certain to be positive around children. Negative adults produce negative adults.
Children need positive parents, grandparents, adults, teachers from birth! Be kind and attentive.
Children need positive parents, grandparents, adults, teachers from birth! Be kind and attentive.
15
What's the name of that pill?
2
Through my own personal journey of struggles I have come to subscribe to the idea we are all looking at a glass and will always see it half full or half empty.
My life is far from perfect yet it works for me. I've learned over time not to make someone else's issues my issues. I also feel, for the most part, the positive energy I try and send out is usually what is returned to me.
Sometimes what we are looking for is what we find.
My life is far from perfect yet it works for me. I've learned over time not to make someone else's issues my issues. I also feel, for the most part, the positive energy I try and send out is usually what is returned to me.
Sometimes what we are looking for is what we find.
16
As my parents retired and grew increasingly home-bound due to age and maladies, I saw them turn from intelligent and generous people to parochial, angry, hateful, bigoted, paranoid, negative, and even racist people.
They wake up about 7, switch on Fox, and watch it all day until 10, when they look at local news and weather and go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
I can't prove it, but nothing will convince me other than their destructive pass time is crippling everything good about them, distorting their world-view, and clouding their thinking. My parents are manipulable pawns in the professional hands of the originators of Faux News.
I see my parents retreat from home, family, friends, society, church, and all their lifetime of good works. I weep for them, because I cannot save them.
They wake up about 7, switch on Fox, and watch it all day until 10, when they look at local news and weather and go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
I can't prove it, but nothing will convince me other than their destructive pass time is crippling everything good about them, distorting their world-view, and clouding their thinking. My parents are manipulable pawns in the professional hands of the originators of Faux News.
I see my parents retreat from home, family, friends, society, church, and all their lifetime of good works. I weep for them, because I cannot save them.
70
The proven health detriments of a constant diet of negative news are already proven. I see a future where the news media (all channels) are required to provide disclaimers before they pipe negativity into your home, phone, etc. Negativity is as bad for your health as smoking (about 10.7 fewer years of life and of the years the person gets, 6-8 more chronically unhealthy years than a positively focused person).
IMO it can't come fast enough.
My local channel will scour surrounding counties for negative news if there isn't any in Charlotte. They know that we watch more if we are afraid. Bias: A CBS Insider is an old book that cites the research showing ratings go up if they make us afraid.
IMO it can't come fast enough.
My local channel will scour surrounding counties for negative news if there isn't any in Charlotte. They know that we watch more if we are afraid. Bias: A CBS Insider is an old book that cites the research showing ratings go up if they make us afraid.
8
To Texas: I have noticed the same trend in my parents. It has convinced me to never retire from work and hobbies. I want to keep finding new ways to engage the world. I empathize with you.
8
What a selfish and ignorant response. If your parents are in constant pain that alone makes them irritable and frightened. Elderly people afraid of a fall don't dare leave the house because even a single casual step could put them in a wheelchair or a nursing home. Instead of cursing at them, how about offering some help? Some home improvements such as grab bars? Better furniture? Set up and pay for a Uber account? A comfortable space for using the Internet? Have you talked to their doctors yourself? Please don't blame your own selfish and hostile attitude on TV shows.
3
hahaha. oh this is rich! The activities that are described at the bottom of this article are exactly the things that people who deal with negativity or depression find impossible to do! It is naive to suggest that changing a person's brain to focus on the positive is as easy as adopting new activities. I didn't know that to beat depression and negativity all you have to do is "appreciate the world around you" or "choose to accept yourself, flaws and all"! Wow, so easy!
19
Ryan, I agree. They have to teach you how to change your habits of thought. We've been telling people to think positive for over 50 years but it doesn't work for people with habits of thought that are not positive. You have to begin at the root, teach people how to change habits of thought using a variety of skills because what works when someone is depressed may backfire if they're feeling hopeful and vica versa.
Tools that help when you're depressed work best when the person is in low emotional states and other tools need to be used to move to even better feeling emotional states. It is possible but most research uses simple practices that are quick to test because of funding limitations. It took me five years to form the hypothesis I use and ten years of testing and fine-tuning.
Tools that help when you're depressed work best when the person is in low emotional states and other tools need to be used to move to even better feeling emotional states. It is possible but most research uses simple practices that are quick to test because of funding limitations. It took me five years to form the hypothesis I use and ten years of testing and fine-tuning.
4
Hey, a little effort - even if it is not comfortable - can make a difference. Add 30 minutes of walking a day and appropriate medication. My Rx of venlafaxine helps get me out of bed. Shower & light breakfast, then out into the world. Activity that includes some socializing and doing for others, the above suggestions, and it's a good day. Try it.
6
The author describes several promising cognitive practices used to combat negativity ... but only after introducing the article with a personal anecdote that implies a relationship between exercise and positivity. I don't want to be negative about the value of cognitive practices but I positively believe that exercise and quitting drinking are exponentially more powerful approaches to achieving improved attitude and that these steps should be taken first.
18
And yet, there are those of us who try to diet and exercise our way to happiness, only to cry on the trail, in the gym, and in the pool.
5
Still, I hope you keep it up with the diet, exercise, trail, gym, and pool. Maybe all of that will keep you going until you can find something more. I hope you do. And the diet, exercise, trail, gym, and pool will still be good for you.
6
Exercise and being outside are crucial for feeling good about the world. When I was single and didn't have a child, I used to bike to work every day and it felt amazing. Didn't suffer from depression much or sickness. Slept great. On the way home, I had to bike up a big hill. I used to picture in my mind being a cloud.. light, weightless on the bike. Somehow, I just didn't feel the pain of the exertion in the same way. The smell of jasmine, roses, chaparral, moist earth, whatever was out there in the air was an adventure. Living a clean life of no drugs & rare alcohol keeps the mind clear to experience things as they are without being negative. Acceptance of the flows of pain and pleasure.
6
When the glass is half full, I pour the contents into a much smaller glass until it overflows.
Sorry..... I couldn't resist.
Sorry..... I couldn't resist.
47
I love this! It's the best smile I've had all day...
1
To have the wisdom to change the glass is the start of contentment
My experience reflects that of AreJay and the author, Ms. Brody. My father was an angry, abusive man who took it out on me from my earliest memory. By the grace of God I emerged from this awful experience with a sense of humor and lots of empathy. I learned to disallow anyone from blowing up my life. Every day at the gym, like Ms. Brody, I see wonderful people with whom I've become friends. They are kids through octogenarians and they make me laugh and smile.
29
The replies to Hen3ry brought tears to my eyes. Just seeing people being kind to each other does a world of good.
6
I dont believe in blind positivity, I'm a realist and as such usually pretty depressed.
7
Look around. There is far more going right in our world than what is going wrong. A negative view is one that is brainwashed by the media that knows that piping negativity into our homes makes us fearful which increases their ratings because people who are afraid are more likely to watch the news.
How many healthy babies were born today?
How many people fell in love?
How many children were loved by their parents?
How many people had good news today?
How many people enjoyed good health today?
How many people enjoyed a meal today?
How many peole have shelter from the elements today?
How many people have someone to love today?
Compare the good news and the bad and you'll see that a true realist sees more good in the world than bad.
How many healthy babies were born today?
How many people fell in love?
How many children were loved by their parents?
How many people had good news today?
How many people enjoyed good health today?
How many people enjoyed a meal today?
How many peole have shelter from the elements today?
How many people have someone to love today?
Compare the good news and the bad and you'll see that a true realist sees more good in the world than bad.
8
What's the point. What's there positive to think about even if I wanted to? Maybe it's not our thinking that's all screwed up, it's everything else.
7
Your brain filters information in your environment. Your senses pick up 'big data' and your brain filters it and decides to provide your conscious mind with a very small amount of filtered data.
One of the filters is your chronic emotional state. If you're always negatively focused your brain assumes you want to reinforce that emotional state and highlights information from your environment that reinforces the negative emotional response.
A person in a negative emotional state can interpret a compliment as insulting because of the way the brain's 'back story (Seligman, 2007) interprets the event.
One of the filters is your chronic emotional state. If you're always negatively focused your brain assumes you want to reinforce that emotional state and highlights information from your environment that reinforces the negative emotional response.
A person in a negative emotional state can interpret a compliment as insulting because of the way the brain's 'back story (Seligman, 2007) interprets the event.
7
Can we force comedian Larry David into Drs. Fredrickson's and Davidson's treatment program? I'd sign the petition. I'm tired of losing brain cells listening to him.
3
After such a toxic year on social media, I gave up Facebook for Lent and tried to do something more productive with my time than getting drawn into pointless political arguments. I must say it has had a cleansing effect on body, mind, and soul.
20
Said with all seriousness -- Purell Purell Purell after you high five the preschoolers.
12
I come from a family dominated by two members who battle mental illness. Although I do not suffer to their degree, I have noticed in recent years how often I was taught that negativity, spite, cynicism, bitterness and snarkiness was the status quo of living. Consequently, I grew up and unconsciously sought out similarly depressed friends and romantic partners. And guess what? None of us really do a great job of achieving positive things in our lives despite the fact that we have the economic wherewithal to do so. This spiral of negativity really started to bother me of late. While I will *never* be a Pollyanna, I decided that a realistic progression of steps to take for improvement was, 1) stop myself as soon as I started to complain or whine about anything. If I couldn't be constructive, than at least I remained silent. 2) Work to stop *thinking* negatively. This is harder but I actively try to problem solve as soon as I realize I've been complaining. 3) Yes--- remind myself of the good stuff. It's not about gushing over the flowers, it's just banking away the things that balance me out. I guess my main motivation is that I've lived around "Dementors" my whole life and I'm so sick of their self-adsorption, I'll do anything to NOT be them.
29
You'll have better luck if you find positive things to focus on instead of pushing against negative thinking. When you're pushing against you're still thinking about the negative subject.
Looking for silver linings can also be very helpful. Reframing negative events can change the way they feel. I find reframing as learning experiences (not because 'I deserved to be taught a lesson' but because knowledge is useful and helpful) can ease pain from past experiences. Also, in really awful past experiences it is possible (but not the first or easiest task on this road) to find a perspective that appreciates how strong you are as a result of an experience and/or that you're able to help others because of the experience.
I wish you the best of luck. Others have done it. You can do it too.
Looking for silver linings can also be very helpful. Reframing negative events can change the way they feel. I find reframing as learning experiences (not because 'I deserved to be taught a lesson' but because knowledge is useful and helpful) can ease pain from past experiences. Also, in really awful past experiences it is possible (but not the first or easiest task on this road) to find a perspective that appreciates how strong you are as a result of an experience and/or that you're able to help others because of the experience.
I wish you the best of luck. Others have done it. You can do it too.
6
It's disappointing how many people on here seem to have so much dislike or even anger towards those with mental illness. I'm sorry that you grew up in an unhealthy situation, but I feel like your animosity is misplaced. Just because someone has a mental illness doesn't make them a bad person. A common feeling for someone who's depressed is to think that they are a burden on everyone around. I believe that calling someone a "dementor" or some other negative term just feeds feelings of worthlessness. As much as those with mental illnesses need to help themselves by seeking treatment or otherwise, another essential part of getting better or coping is having a strong support group of those who don't judge or spit negativity right back at them. I have a mental illness and I like to think that I'm not self-absorbed, but there have certainly been times in my life when I needed support outside of therapy, medication, and positive thinking. A bit of compassion goes a long way. If someone has tried compassion, but it gets to a point where the other person's mental illness is dragging them down, then it's important to take a step back for their own well-being. But feelings of negativity towards the person with the mental illness surely don't help anyone.
That being said, for someone who's healthy these are great practices, though I don't think practicing these tips is necessarily going to end feelings of negativity and almost certainly won't pull anyone out of a deep depression.
That being said, for someone who's healthy these are great practices, though I don't think practicing these tips is necessarily going to end feelings of negativity and almost certainly won't pull anyone out of a deep depression.
I don't know. The 24/7 juice stand I've been running probably hasn't been too helpful for my amygdala or any other part of my brain or body. But I am thankful not to be 6 feet under the truck load of lemons my abusive , mentally ill and ultimately abandoning family of origin dumped on me. All the toddler high fives and door holding has been helpful but I can't unsee how empty many glasses actually are and how many toddlers don't have "caretakers" at all. Sorry- you were just saying about downers-...
11
I have had the same experience. One can not assume that "good caretakers" are one's parents and/or other family members. But Maria, you make me laugh. I hope that makes you happy!
10
Has anyone else seen a similarity in the Paul Rogers illustration for this article and the political consultant Roger Stone?
7
Yes. The shape of his head instantly struck me as the same. Weird.
"The body experiences birth, aging and death. There is nothing stable in it. Know that this reality is Dharma. It is truth, and there is nothing to change, destroy or solve. When you get to this point there is nothing more to say. There is no more burden to carry. If you know according to truth, there is no heedlessness about what you are doing, wherever you may be. You just see things as they are, conditions arising and passing away. Then what will you seek? What will you get upset and cry about? What do you want to toil and suffer over? What do you want to have or be? When you will say things are big or small, long or short? In the end, what will you say about nature? There is this cycle of existence, and that is all. When you see this profound truth, you will be at peace, free, without sorrow, in conflict with no one." Ajahn Chah
16
Keep them away from commuter railroads serving the NYC 'burbs! Negative thoughts will fall away like leaves in November.
2
Just thought I'd put in a mention of the book Learned Optimism by Martin E. P. Seligman. His work grew out of explaining learned helplessness and finding ways to help people think more optimistically about their ability to change their outlook on life.
8
I didn't get far in the comments without seeing a pattern. Things really are tough out there for a lot of us and I think the change in who occupies the oval office probably didn't help many's peace of mind either. I would encourage folks to look into Richard Davidson's (he was referenced in the article) work with the Dali Lama and their "Mind and Life Institute". Davidson and others have documented through science the benefits of the mind training of buddhist monks and the adaptability of many of it's practices to anyone willing to take small or larger steps to improve the quality of their lives.
13
Psychobabble.
People who are depressed don't have the energy or belief to do these things. Their cars (figuratively) have run out of gas, so they're going nowhere.
All these items mentioned in this article require a belief in the next moment, which depressed people don't have.
People who are depressed don't have the energy or belief to do these things. Their cars (figuratively) have run out of gas, so they're going nowhere.
All these items mentioned in this article require a belief in the next moment, which depressed people don't have.
23
To be fair, I don't think this article is intended for the clinically depressed. I think it is intended for habitual negative thinkers. I can say from my own experience that these things take a long time and persistence, but changing thinking habits over the course of several years has helped me tremendously. It has reduced my distress and I have developed a great deal of equanimity and am much more relaxed and less anxious. But unfortunately, I have still not found much joy or energy. Sometimes I worry that removing the pain has also removed my chance at finding that joy that I long for, but many years of intense pain didn't seem to get me any closer to finding that joy, and if I am not going to get there anyway, then I guess I am glad that at least the suffering is now a lot less intense. And I am still a little hopeful that I will find that joy eventually.
4
That's been my issue so far with Buddhist thinking. I really like a lot of the more functional elements of the philosophy, IE mindfulness, acceptance and commitment, and so on, but I worry that in seeking out and trying to find this 'peaceful' type of middle ground you spoil your chances for something greater (the intense highs of life)
The society we work in does not suffer from a lack of positive thinking but a lack of critical thinking. All I need is another confident "risk-taker" of a boss or president to ram my worklife or the entire nation into a wall. Facts don't care about one's beliefs. Positive thinking is most useful in low risk situations
16
Good lord. You start your mornings high-fiving a bunch of YMCA toddlers? I understand the uplifting part, but am I being negative worrying about innoculating your hands with the bacterial and viral sponge-like "darling representatives of the next generation" on a daily basis?
6
Yes, you are being negative.
20
Oh my, yes indeed. Besides, being germ-free isn't healthy either!
7
I'll take Jane Brody any day.
If positive thinking were essential to any achievement, Shakespeare, Schopenhauer, and Woody Allen would have been miserable failures, instead of miserable successes. The idea of positive thinking as having anything whatsoever to do with effectiveness in the world is uniquely American, because America was the first place where, as long as you had a reasonable degree of initiative, you could make a decent living and even achieve some upward mobility. This being no longer the case in America, we see a great deal of negative thinking on display, about economic opportunity, about government, about immigration, about family, about race, about law enforcement, about terrorism, about "America's decline " and the unlikelihood of making America great again. We have a lot of medications which try to alleviate this negativity. We have mindfulness, which asserts that "what is, in the now" is to be observed from a place of detachment.
All of this is to help us come to terms with the seeming truth that reality is beyond our control, and that we are neither masters of our fates nor captains of our souls. Positive thinking only makes some of us more depressed when we find ourselves unhappy, because we feel we must be defective in our thinking, or we would feel better than we do.
All of this is to help us come to terms with the seeming truth that reality is beyond our control, and that we are neither masters of our fates nor captains of our souls. Positive thinking only makes some of us more depressed when we find ourselves unhappy, because we feel we must be defective in our thinking, or we would feel better than we do.
10
I don't believe the article said that being positive would help one to become financially successful or famous in any way. For many of us those things are the only definition of success, and sad to say I think that's a big part of why so many in this country feel that way. We are constantly bombarded by the "success" of the few and feel like we are missing out if we don't get the same. I used to focus on that almost compulsively and would get myself in a depressed mood frequently because of it. That being said, that desire did help me complete college on nights and weekends while I was working and raising a child suddenly on my own. I don't regret that I did all of that, but thankfully in the meantime my attitude about becoming financially successful had changed quite a bit.The reality is that people who are driven to the extremes to "succeed" and acquire excessively are doing that in order to help themselves feel whole. In short being happy doesn't mean the same thing as being financially successful or famous. I believe this article is helpful because it focuses on the true things it really do make us happy and healthier as well. We can make our own reality and choose to focus on the positive. It's not easy and it's not a matter of putting anyone down, but it is a choice. It's a habit and it takes time, but it is well worth it.
9
I think you missed the main point of what the author was trying to communicate
Good article. Misleading headline. Headline suggests that there is a way to turn negative thinkers (other than yourself) to positive. However the article makes no mention of ways to do it.
9
It's not possible unless and until they're asking to change. If you attempt to get them to do it before they're ready it backfires and they dig in deeper defending their negativity. Worry about yourself and let them be inspired by the positive changes in your own life.
4
Is the glass half full or half empty? Or is it just the wrong sized glass? For that matter, is the glass really full - half with water, half with air? I am not fond of trying to reduce complex issues into such simplistic either/or metaphors. They mask the true issues & their many subtleties & complexities. I turn off whenever encountering such thinking.
6
The most popular comment hit the nail on the head. All this talk about positivity masks the realities od a society which has a total disregard for people's well being-- their health, their housing, education. Civilized societies have safety nets and support because its citizens do not se themselves as competing with others. They see themselves sharing the resources of a country together! It is a much much healthier and less stressful existence. People with mental illness are not left to die on the streets of natural or man made causes.
53
I think that sometimes the modern way of life doesn't give us enough time to think peacefully and try to see the filled half of the glass (because of stress at work, kids problems, bad news on tv....)! as for me, I wish I can think more poisitive, make my kids happier than they are, so I'll try hard to have a positive attitude!
6
A pessimist should be able to remember that we will all be dead soon enough. Every day above ground is a good day.
And the good new is the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
And the good new is the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
20
While looking through the literature of the spiritualists, I came across this information (from the other side): Positive thinking is one of the great
principles of the universe.
Hmmmm. Not to be taken lightly.
principles of the universe.
Hmmmm. Not to be taken lightly.
Glad-handing 101. A nation of "Positive Thinkers" is every PR and marketer's dream.
The most fundamental pressure sales technique is to get the mark simply to say "Yes" to anything, often, no matter how trivial or cliche. Done right, the mark will then have emotional and cognitive difficulty saying "No." "Great weather we're having today." "Aren't you looking forward to the holidays?" "Children grow up so quickly." "You deserve a great deal on a great car." "America should put America First again."
Note how easily the headline referencing "Negative Thinkers" is affixed atop an article that refers only to "negative feelings." That conflation is possible because American popular culture and a goodly swath of American psychological theory and practice is still operating in realm of Silas Weir Mitchell's infamous late 19th-century "Rest Cure" for women's "hysteria, neurasthenia and other nervous illnesses." The solution to negative feelings and negative thoughts is to suppress thinking and join in, cheerfully, trivially, with others suppressing thinking.
Yes, the American mind is willfully, happily half-empty. And that is speaking optimistically.
The most fundamental pressure sales technique is to get the mark simply to say "Yes" to anything, often, no matter how trivial or cliche. Done right, the mark will then have emotional and cognitive difficulty saying "No." "Great weather we're having today." "Aren't you looking forward to the holidays?" "Children grow up so quickly." "You deserve a great deal on a great car." "America should put America First again."
Note how easily the headline referencing "Negative Thinkers" is affixed atop an article that refers only to "negative feelings." That conflation is possible because American popular culture and a goodly swath of American psychological theory and practice is still operating in realm of Silas Weir Mitchell's infamous late 19th-century "Rest Cure" for women's "hysteria, neurasthenia and other nervous illnesses." The solution to negative feelings and negative thoughts is to suppress thinking and join in, cheerfully, trivially, with others suppressing thinking.
Yes, the American mind is willfully, happily half-empty. And that is speaking optimistically.
12
It's disapointing, and I think symptomatic of their own biases and personal soap boxes, that many commenters here have taken this article as an opportunity to criticize American society en masse and point out certain failures of it's cultural and political institutions. Certainly America has many issues and problems at scale and I long for a more inclusive and supportive safety net. Solutions to many of these problems are beyond most of us to directly impact in our daily lives. This article provides many useful ways of enhancing our well being on a personal level...on the level I can control directly..on what is front of me. I have found many of them to be extremely helpful in my own life. Given the state of where we are today in America and the world, I find them to be be almost indispensable as a way to cope and respond. I would hope readers could see them this way and not as another opportunity to be negative.
9
I find many of the comments to this article to be intriguing. I think many people need to relax, take a few deep breaths and reread it. Obviously they didn't get it the first time.
3
A major factor not mentioned here is blaming. You can find external excuses for all the negativity in your life, but when you do that, you abdicate all ability and opportunity to change those things. If instead you choose to take responsibility for as much as possible, you can change things for the better. And doing so really does change your mindset, because you can see the effects.
Dwell on the results of your own positive actions, rather than the results of others' negative ones.
Dwell on the results of your own positive actions, rather than the results of others' negative ones.
12
Interesting to me that seeing toddlers makes the author happy. Can't happen to me. I remember a childhood full of fear and anxiety. There were happy times, but they didn't erase the misery. My parents felt it necessary to claim that other people were no happier than we were, so from an early age I wondered what kind of pain was hiding behind the faces of the other children. As an aging adult, I still wonder.
7
Alas, my husband wouldn't have noticed those toddlers at all much less greeted them and counted them as a positive moment. He tells the saddest story of his life that, when corroborated, turns out to be his negative "take" on it. So sad but, like an alcoholic, until he's ready to tell himself a different story, he's stuck in the negative.
4
Why wasn't Norman Vincent Peale's "Power of Positive Thinking" enough? Why do we need Dr. Frederickson? Why didn't we all wise up the first time around?
May I suggest that "positive thinking" too often leads us to false expectations, which are followed by the protective armor of "realism." When that also does not provide us with the result we want, we will try "positive" again. There is a pendulum, there is darkness and there is light, and we can do our best to keep up with it.
May I suggest that "positive thinking" too often leads us to false expectations, which are followed by the protective armor of "realism." When that also does not provide us with the result we want, we will try "positive" again. There is a pendulum, there is darkness and there is light, and we can do our best to keep up with it.
8
The point is that your self-centeredness is always the root of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Cherishing others, even if just as a thought experiment, is the basis of happiness. You can train to do this. Eventually, you even take on their suffering in your thoughts and give them your strength and merit, very empowering and positive stuff. It is basic Mahayana Buddhism.
13
Culturally, Americans always push positivism - the current president's reflexive use of "great!" and "amazing!" and similar language bespeaks this. We (well, some of us) like a grinning, upbeat, cheery demeanor; the "hail fellow well met" guy bellowing to everybody he meets and the perky, chatterbox cheerleader are our national stereotypes. America, for many people, is a perpetual high school booster club - and the kids who'd rather be in the library checking out the poetry collection are considered oddballs.
Positive emotions are good things - the research cited in Jane Brody's column demonstrates this clearly. But only the most privileged among us can constantly look at the bright side and reject "negativity" out of hand - trading reality for bliss in a world that offers it largely in their imaginations.
Positive emotions are good things - the research cited in Jane Brody's column demonstrates this clearly. But only the most privileged among us can constantly look at the bright side and reject "negativity" out of hand - trading reality for bliss in a world that offers it largely in their imaginations.
18
Positivity is not only for the privileged. Stating that it is is arguing for your limitations. For many years people told me that you couldn't help homeless people, addicts, or individuals with serious or multiple mental illness diagnoses by teaching them to be happier. I remained resolute that it was possible.
In 2015, I met the Executive Director of a psycho-social rehabilitation agency who gave me the chance to help her consumers by teaching a Journey to Happiness class. There were 40 - 60 adults (ages 18-77) in each class. It was soon the favorite class at the agency, the one where the consumers protested if something else was scheduled that interfered with their weekly class. Some of them recorded testominals that are on my youtube channel.
Almost all the consumers have a serious mental illness diagnoses or are recovering from addiction and several were homeless when I began teaching the class. Taking actions that benefit yourself requires hope and helping people see that they have value and worth and that they can do far more than people have expected them to do helps them take positive steps that make their life better.
We need to better educate the public about the benefits of positive emotions including that it helps our cognitive function so we are better able to deal with problems that arise. The more problems a person is dealing with the more helpful better cognitive function is to them.
In 2015, I met the Executive Director of a psycho-social rehabilitation agency who gave me the chance to help her consumers by teaching a Journey to Happiness class. There were 40 - 60 adults (ages 18-77) in each class. It was soon the favorite class at the agency, the one where the consumers protested if something else was scheduled that interfered with their weekly class. Some of them recorded testominals that are on my youtube channel.
Almost all the consumers have a serious mental illness diagnoses or are recovering from addiction and several were homeless when I began teaching the class. Taking actions that benefit yourself requires hope and helping people see that they have value and worth and that they can do far more than people have expected them to do helps them take positive steps that make their life better.
We need to better educate the public about the benefits of positive emotions including that it helps our cognitive function so we are better able to deal with problems that arise. The more problems a person is dealing with the more helpful better cognitive function is to them.
3
Being a realist and a critical thinker has been out of fashion for a long time, (starting in the 80s?), and has been replaced by a relentless mandate to "SMILE" and "BE POSITIVE"-as if those are the only things one need do to achieve some mysterious state of personal and national bliss. Those who aren't on board are judged and shamed because we may make the Happy Ones unhappy.
Yes, being positive can be well, a positive...but what of the many among us who are realists and pragmatists, who don't fit that myth? In early America, life was tough. It's only in the last 50 years or so that leisure time began to be seen as a right, not a privilege. Life is plenty tough now, in very different ways those of even 20-30 years ago. Human beings are not physically, mentally or emotionally equipped to process, let alone adapt to, the speed of modern life. We're running in place, in a deficit all the time, trying frantically to keep some kind of interior balance-and that's just the simple stuff.
Simplistic solutions aren't going to solve deep human problems.
Grinning like an idiot, and shaming those who don't, won't help anyone. We need to let go of the trivial, try to take charge of ourselves and our own behavior, and stop trying to simplify modern life, or deal with it in childish ways. We face a world of problems, ours, our country's and the worlds, and we need to become deeper human beings, better thinkers and more realistic in our interactions with others, near and far.
Yes, being positive can be well, a positive...but what of the many among us who are realists and pragmatists, who don't fit that myth? In early America, life was tough. It's only in the last 50 years or so that leisure time began to be seen as a right, not a privilege. Life is plenty tough now, in very different ways those of even 20-30 years ago. Human beings are not physically, mentally or emotionally equipped to process, let alone adapt to, the speed of modern life. We're running in place, in a deficit all the time, trying frantically to keep some kind of interior balance-and that's just the simple stuff.
Simplistic solutions aren't going to solve deep human problems.
Grinning like an idiot, and shaming those who don't, won't help anyone. We need to let go of the trivial, try to take charge of ourselves and our own behavior, and stop trying to simplify modern life, or deal with it in childish ways. We face a world of problems, ours, our country's and the worlds, and we need to become deeper human beings, better thinkers and more realistic in our interactions with others, near and far.
4
You can be a realist and be positive. It doesn't mean smiling all the time or being simplistic. Life can be hard but if you try to look at it as a puzzle and enjoy the process, then it is easier. You can enjoy hard things. Exercise or learning new skills can be very difficult. Helping a friend through cancer can be overwhelming but life affirming in friendship.
I was sick many years ago and was very depressed. I nearly had a car accident because I wasn't focused. It woke me up to the fact that I could have killed someone accidentally and myself. That day, I changed my attitude and started viewing my illness with an aim to overcome it, not give in to defeat. It made a world of difference.
I was sick many years ago and was very depressed. I nearly had a car accident because I wasn't focused. It woke me up to the fact that I could have killed someone accidentally and myself. That day, I changed my attitude and started viewing my illness with an aim to overcome it, not give in to defeat. It made a world of difference.
4
Sergio Garcia alters his outlook and then proceeds to alter his wardrobe. His new green jacket seems to validate some of the thinking shared in this piece.
1
Sadly, I found reading or watching the news makes sad and angry, especially with current politics. I wish there is alternative way to stay up to date. Also looking for "happy" websites but little luck so far. It's a struggle to feel happy and positive these days. Appreciate any suggestions. Thx.
7
Check out the Good News Network online. They have positive news stories every week and it's really uplifting. I strongly recommend it. Don't give up. The good news is out there.
1
I will give it go. thank u.
I find that when I am feeling good, positive and happy, a small thing or negative experience with someone can shift me into negativity. I try and catch it before it expands and brings me down. Sometimes I'm successful, other times not so.
Living in NYC we are bombarded with so much stimulus, both positive and negative, coming at us in waves, that it takes a lot stay positive at times.
Of course health, and a good support system of friends play a huge part, especially as a single person living alone and moving into the latter stages of life.
On the other hand I find the need to leave NYC often, to a more relaxing city like Barcelona, where the lifestyle is more easygoing.
I have started a daily meditation practice coupled with Buddism classes and I find it helps a great deal. In fact, I'm going to go meditate now!
Living in NYC we are bombarded with so much stimulus, both positive and negative, coming at us in waves, that it takes a lot stay positive at times.
Of course health, and a good support system of friends play a huge part, especially as a single person living alone and moving into the latter stages of life.
On the other hand I find the need to leave NYC often, to a more relaxing city like Barcelona, where the lifestyle is more easygoing.
I have started a daily meditation practice coupled with Buddism classes and I find it helps a great deal. In fact, I'm going to go meditate now!
4
When I'm driving my Jeep sport soft-top and I pass another Jeep and we give each other a wave, usually a peace sign, the connection, however brief, always raises my spirit.
8
Your msg. comforted me, p.kay, which I know is odd but it's always helpful to know one isn't the only one. I'm a decade younger than you but I lost my beloved husband 20 years ago, and my very best and close friend just a few months ago. I have a few other friends, a few family members, I'm not isolated but I sometimes feel afraid of the future. A therapist I talked with a few years ago said something helpful that I pass on. She said, Do you think you could meet the future with curiosity rather than fear? I try to think of that whenever I feel uneasiness creeping up behind me. It helps. But you're right: getting old is very very hard.
16
I'd like to suggest that rather than trying to be "positive," we try to learn to meet the future with curiosity. This was suggested to me some years ago and it does help (I'll assume, rather than listing them, that you'll take for granted that at 71 and a widow, I've had a parcel of tragedies to live through).
26
I wonder if Murdoch ever ask himself how much he contribute daily-through his FIX News propaganda machine- filling the air with toxic,dark,ugly,demoralizing negativity?
15
The glass is full - half with water and half with air.
6
Whatever you're recommending here are all positive and might be helpful. But What about the people who are old (me) who at 85 just lost her beloved sister and is
alone - no family, few friends left. After an active, busy life I have dwindled down
to writing - one novel gathering dust as I have a useless agent; work on a mystery now but slow going. Feeling of uselessness which comes with old age and not feeling what I call "normal" any more. As you age, you feel the decline in
your body as well as the losses that come at you - friends pass away; new friends very difficult to acquire. The future looks bleak and that's the reality of aging unless you are spectacularly lucky to have a loving family and perhaps one
good friend who remains. The lonliness is painful as the losses pile up. There is a loss of courage,no matter how strong you've been in your past life - everything is frightening - There is anger, grief, what's the use. Getting old isn't for sissies,
and I've become one. Words come easy, meditating on them and putting them to action is difficult. Depends on where you are in the phases of life.
alone - no family, few friends left. After an active, busy life I have dwindled down
to writing - one novel gathering dust as I have a useless agent; work on a mystery now but slow going. Feeling of uselessness which comes with old age and not feeling what I call "normal" any more. As you age, you feel the decline in
your body as well as the losses that come at you - friends pass away; new friends very difficult to acquire. The future looks bleak and that's the reality of aging unless you are spectacularly lucky to have a loving family and perhaps one
good friend who remains. The lonliness is painful as the losses pile up. There is a loss of courage,no matter how strong you've been in your past life - everything is frightening - There is anger, grief, what's the use. Getting old isn't for sissies,
and I've become one. Words come easy, meditating on them and putting them to action is difficult. Depends on where you are in the phases of life.
50
Sending you ((((hugs)))) p. kay
13
jlm - thanks.
I dread the day my kids leave home, I am only 46, but i can picture myself in what you describe, a certain emptiness.
Besides my kids and husband, all my family is abroad. Globalization can unite people but can also take away the village and tribal life that makes it easier to survive the late age. Many hugs to you and all of those out there needing a hug.
Besides my kids and husband, all my family is abroad. Globalization can unite people but can also take away the village and tribal life that makes it easier to survive the late age. Many hugs to you and all of those out there needing a hug.
6
Another thing that might be brought into the discussion is the role the digestive track has on our moods. Now when my gut is operating more positively, I hear myself speaking more positively. I hope it continues.
5
Lets be real here. Some people have horrible things happen in their lives, some that go on for years and years. After one doctor looked at my health history he remarked,"well no wonder you are depressed."
Bad things that happen in the past stay with you forever. They help shape who you become. Thinking about beautiful flowers in a field or butterflies floating by will not change that.
Bad things that happen in the past stay with you forever. They help shape who you become. Thinking about beautiful flowers in a field or butterflies floating by will not change that.
23
I think this article acknowledges that.Real grief is different from chronic depression.See the last paragraph about rumination.
1
I think the author has conflated negative thinking with depression. They are not the same thing. Some people are more likely to view a situation from the glass half-full view, but that does not mean they are clinically depressed. True clinical depression is far more complex, and not limited to a single parameter. It is also possible to be optimistic and still clinically depressed.
26
That's the irony and why therapy is more effective than medication for depression. Basically, in depression one has reinforced their neural circuitry through negativity such that that is the only outcome of thought.
This is the basis of learning and neural plasticity. Pathways that are reinforced get stronger.
This is the basis of learning and neural plasticity. Pathways that are reinforced get stronger.
4
This is great. Yet I know many people who use regularly substances to cope with their "negative" emotions. Now they are totally addicted. It would be wonderful to see more of this work in addiction recovery circles and more talk about addiction in mindfulness circles
7
Yes! memyselfnI!
If we taught children there would be fewer addicts who need to recover. The pathway from stress to using alcohol and drugs to feel better or numb negative emotions is well documented in the literature. Researchers who have taught children social and emotional skills and increased their resilience have shown that they have better long term results (less addiction, crime, and drop outs) and more college, better health. Why weren't not implementing these programs at all schools (they're cost neutral after a few years and better than that in the long-term) is beyond my ability to understand.
I am doing work in addiction recovery and the consumers find learning skills that increase positive emotions helpful.
If we taught children there would be fewer addicts who need to recover. The pathway from stress to using alcohol and drugs to feel better or numb negative emotions is well documented in the literature. Researchers who have taught children social and emotional skills and increased their resilience have shown that they have better long term results (less addiction, crime, and drop outs) and more college, better health. Why weren't not implementing these programs at all schools (they're cost neutral after a few years and better than that in the long-term) is beyond my ability to understand.
I am doing work in addiction recovery and the consumers find learning skills that increase positive emotions helpful.
"Accumulate micro-moments of happiness"-- what a nice way of putting it! I find that I can extend these sparkly little pleasures by making a continuing written list of them to re-enjoy for the future.
All the suggested activities and attitudes are spot on, too. But the one thing that's missing is: how does one encourage the Eeyore acquaintance to TRY any of them? Their derisive snorting and resistance is one of the most difficult downers to deal with, in my experience. What are some approaches to present the mini-pleasure notion to someone for whom it is counter-intuitive?
All the suggested activities and attitudes are spot on, too. But the one thing that's missing is: how does one encourage the Eeyore acquaintance to TRY any of them? Their derisive snorting and resistance is one of the most difficult downers to deal with, in my experience. What are some approaches to present the mini-pleasure notion to someone for whom it is counter-intuitive?
11
Just work on yourself. In time they will see the changes in your life and ask you what you're doing--when they ask is when they're ready.
I find that seeing them (in my mind's eye) for their potential prevents me from allowing them to bring me down. I tell myself things like:
Someday you'll ask me how I manage to feel good when life is far from perfect.
Someday you'll chastise me for not cluing you in sooner and I'll remind you that you would have rejected my advice if you weren't ready for it and they'll acknowledge the truth of it.
Don't try, Jeanine, you know it will only make them resist longer.
I allow my friends who aren't positively focused to see/hear me deal positively with things. When something goes poorly or doesn't work out the way I'd hoped I don't hide it and let them see how I work it around in my mind so that i feel better. (i.e.)
"I was really hoping to get that grant. I really want to help with that project. A lot of people I could have helped said the ideas I have would be more helpful than many of the programs they've seen. I can feel very sad about not getting that grant. I can also recognize that the next book I'm writing would have been delayed if I spent time on the grant project and the book has the potential to help even more people. I can focus on not getting the grant and feel sad or I can focus on finishing the book and helping other people and feel good. I get to choose and I choose the one that feels good. Let's go do something fun."
I find that seeing them (in my mind's eye) for their potential prevents me from allowing them to bring me down. I tell myself things like:
Someday you'll ask me how I manage to feel good when life is far from perfect.
Someday you'll chastise me for not cluing you in sooner and I'll remind you that you would have rejected my advice if you weren't ready for it and they'll acknowledge the truth of it.
Don't try, Jeanine, you know it will only make them resist longer.
I allow my friends who aren't positively focused to see/hear me deal positively with things. When something goes poorly or doesn't work out the way I'd hoped I don't hide it and let them see how I work it around in my mind so that i feel better. (i.e.)
"I was really hoping to get that grant. I really want to help with that project. A lot of people I could have helped said the ideas I have would be more helpful than many of the programs they've seen. I can feel very sad about not getting that grant. I can also recognize that the next book I'm writing would have been delayed if I spent time on the grant project and the book has the potential to help even more people. I can focus on not getting the grant and feel sad or I can focus on finishing the book and helping other people and feel good. I get to choose and I choose the one that feels good. Let's go do something fun."
1
I have an emotionally challenged, very bright friend who sees a psychiatrist and takes Rxed drugs and keeps saying, must keep/think positive, as his shrink says. It's stupid to me. He's also very hard to be around. But, his favorite mantra goes on.
I consider myself a realist, and looking at history, which I love, and looking at current events, it's really really hard to think of buttercups and little pups. (I love dogs), and obliterate reality. I may be happy for a short time, watching a Disney film, consuming that bucket of ice cream, but I read the paper, I see the poverty of people (I also volunteer with the homeless), I'm a nurse, and am aging. Maybe facing reality with some defense could be of use. Maybe even believing in some magical being above who will help me when I go to another world, is a good crutch, but it doesn't help me...wish it did. But, all these bible-thumpers, with all their doom and gloom, might all be thinking positively...in a skewed way. Maybe, trying to deal upfront with our deficiencies might work better. Telling each other we're beautiful, we're wonderful, we're xyz, doesn't work. I don't know.
Just telling each other we're awesome or life is great, doesn't seem like a good solution to a world that seems to want to obliterate itself.
I consider myself a realist, and looking at history, which I love, and looking at current events, it's really really hard to think of buttercups and little pups. (I love dogs), and obliterate reality. I may be happy for a short time, watching a Disney film, consuming that bucket of ice cream, but I read the paper, I see the poverty of people (I also volunteer with the homeless), I'm a nurse, and am aging. Maybe facing reality with some defense could be of use. Maybe even believing in some magical being above who will help me when I go to another world, is a good crutch, but it doesn't help me...wish it did. But, all these bible-thumpers, with all their doom and gloom, might all be thinking positively...in a skewed way. Maybe, trying to deal upfront with our deficiencies might work better. Telling each other we're beautiful, we're wonderful, we're xyz, doesn't work. I don't know.
Just telling each other we're awesome or life is great, doesn't seem like a good solution to a world that seems to want to obliterate itself.
35
I too am a realist and a nurse. Your comment sounds like I could have wrote it. It's nice to know someone else feels the same way.
15
Did you actually read the article? It isn't about a mindless happiness - it's about taking actions and doing things to improve your outlook on life. The world is a hopeless place if people are unwilling to try to change the one thing they have direct control over - themselves.
2
I do everything in your list--but consider myself a realistic thinker with the ability to learn and extrapolate from the observation that things very often do not go right, the bread does not flop down butter side up. My motto is: You have to take the good with the bad. I am mildly annoyed by people who insist on flying in the face of experience again and again and being all Sunnybrook Farm all the time. It is tiring. I guess they find me tiring, too...but this is how we are, two schools, two camps. I keep remembering an eye surgeon I once had--he kept saying think positive..not positively, positive. It annoyed the pulp out of me. I finally said, you think positively--you are the one operating. (That eye--four surgeries later--is now blind, which I guess your source in this would blame on my warped amygdala and negative life view).
18
Some people are born with happier brains. For people who suffer from depression it takes constant vigilance to reframe the negative thoughts. Depressed people are often realists. They facts of old age, sickness, death are hard to sugar coat. I agree finding beauty in everday life is crucial. I think that is why preserving nature is so important.
35
I found this article very intriguing because I suffer with negativity. The steps you provided I will act on to have more positive life.
14
Good for you! Even just trying them will make you smile once in a while. If you keep a list of positive things as they occur, you can enjoy them again and again-- and as that list grows, you will prize it. Enjoy!
3
Positive thinking is not so much a state of mindfulness as it is "blindfulness." The idea that you can even divide people into negative and positive thinkers is a detrimental fallacy that needs to end along with the glass half full and lemonade clichés. What about when someone's handed heroin? Is their family going to turn the lemons of addiction into methodone lemonade? And what of those glasses half full of lead contaminated water? Is there a trauma to survive that will later be a learning lesson and stepping stone? The human psyche and all the factors that shape each of us are far more complex than positive psychology attempts to understand. It's problematic when we start to disect emotions as good and bad. There is no right way to think, so when a sullen teenager is compared to their naturally upbeat cheerleader peers they become more depressed because they should be positive like them. Best part about positive psychology is that anyone who pokes holes is just labeled negative and should pay for "compassionate meditation."
22
Yes, you can experience small positive moments even when there are huge problems in your life.
14
Small fun moments, of course, who doesn't have those? And being brave and resilient and constantly chirpy are two diff things.
8
I'm positive this is a cartoon of Roger Stone. That makes me feel negative.
3
Jane, these eight activities that you and Dr. Fredrickson recommend are excellent. Together they constitute a great plan for getting through any given day. The first point, especially, comes highly recommended. A good deed a day keeps those amygdala recoveries in play. And generally speaking, you gotta love them purveyors of glass half-Full optimism; they help us keep the amygdala inhibitors away, today and every day in every way. Thanks to you and Dr. Fredrickson for the good advice.
6
All right, find the positive in this......my spouse suffered numerous setbacks from a degenerative nerve disease, which left him almost catatonic and permanently mobility compromised. Six weeks later my dad died. Eight weeks after that, my mom died.....Within the next two years, my dog went blind. My spouse was hospitalized five times. My dog suffered major health issues and pooped blood for three months. A hail storm beat the crap out of our two cars. My mother-in-law suffered numerous hospitalizations and died one week after we finally went to be with her. I had three operations. My dog went deaf. For some reason, I can't seem to get organized. Maybe the positive is some people have it a lot worse, like getting bombed with chemical weapons. Worrying about positivity vs. negativity is an exercise for the already comfortable.
48
I am so sorry to see that this has happened to you. It's awful. I wish I was nearby so I could help you.
24
I totally disagree with you. It's not an exercise for the 'already comfortable' as you say. No one is going to disagree that you've been through an unfathomable amount of pain. I'm sure you feel like you can't catch a break.
No one would suggest that you walk around trying to act sunny....but you have no choice but to keep going and try to find something in everything that's happened that you can use to strengthen yourself by giving back to others. It's just that simple. Your only choice now is to reach out to help and reach out for support.
No one would suggest that you walk around trying to act sunny....but you have no choice but to keep going and try to find something in everything that's happened that you can use to strengthen yourself by giving back to others. It's just that simple. Your only choice now is to reach out to help and reach out for support.
19
Addendum.....positivity vs negativity may be a valid worry for the already comfortable, but very low priority for those in dire circumstances. And laughter, if one can find it, helps with all of life's downers.
12
Any article advocating for a positive outlook in the NY Times seems to provoke a knee-jerk reaction of cynicism and frustration. People protest that the world is unfair, suffering is real, and that problems need to be taken seriously. People hold on to anger and rumination because it is believed these have the potential to lead to social change and justice.
Pursuing ways to appreciate the world, connect with others, do good, set goals, self-accept, be resilient, and to be mindful must not be confused with passivity. In fact, many of the most effective leaders throughout history (Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi) found that by pursuing these ends in their own lives, they could be much more effective in their fight for justice in the world.
It is time that we realize self-compassion, gratitude, pragmatic re-appraisal and cautious optimism are not dangers that will lead to political stagnation or a Pollyannic endorsement of an unjust status quo.
Tragically, liberals often are the ones most weary of teaching these skills to kids in adverse environments, concerned that a dose of calm or gratitude will negate addressing the structural violence behind their suffering. That is like a doctor not treating a patient's cancer because she is concerned that it will lead to less research funding for finding a cure.
We must remember that critical thinking, advocacy, and pragmatic action are not mutually exclusive with -- and instead are enhanced by -- cultivating resilience and love.
Pursuing ways to appreciate the world, connect with others, do good, set goals, self-accept, be resilient, and to be mindful must not be confused with passivity. In fact, many of the most effective leaders throughout history (Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi) found that by pursuing these ends in their own lives, they could be much more effective in their fight for justice in the world.
It is time that we realize self-compassion, gratitude, pragmatic re-appraisal and cautious optimism are not dangers that will lead to political stagnation or a Pollyannic endorsement of an unjust status quo.
Tragically, liberals often are the ones most weary of teaching these skills to kids in adverse environments, concerned that a dose of calm or gratitude will negate addressing the structural violence behind their suffering. That is like a doctor not treating a patient's cancer because she is concerned that it will lead to less research funding for finding a cure.
We must remember that critical thinking, advocacy, and pragmatic action are not mutually exclusive with -- and instead are enhanced by -- cultivating resilience and love.
79
Wow. Absolutely spot on.
5
Perfectly said. Thank you.
5
Beautifully said.
5
Thank you, Jane Brody, NY Times, Drs. Fredrickson, Davidson & everyone working in this field. In a society where health care costs are prohibitive for many, it is common to allow mental health to deteriorate while stressed adults battle for economic survival. Often, it is only with financial security achieved that families can 'afford' to address their health needs at the appropriate level. Then guilt sets in: if I am no longer poor, why am I so miserable? The roots of trauma may be buried in the experiences of past generations, especially given the horrors of the 20th c. Finding the balance between knowing your past & being able to walk away from it, with an understanding that each new life & indeed each new day & each new conversation (interaction) offer a fresh start to be your best self, to break away from prior stumbles, is the key to regaining a sense of positive purpose for whatever remains of life. In my case, I have found that selective doses of fantastic performances of classical music give me peace, strength & healing. There's a lot of great music, but there's really nothing quite like Horowitz playing the Moonlight Sonata, or Gidon Kramer playing Mozart's 5th violin c., or Jaroussky singing "Alto Giove." They're on YouTube, for free & of course there's more. Find your bliss. Classical music has no calories. When's the last time you treated yourself to a few moments alone with the Sublime? If you like wisdom, try Leonard Bernstein's Harvard lectures on music. Wow.
20
The foundation of 12 step programs (in no order) - surrender, being of service to others, meditation, accepting your flaws, coming out of isolation, gratitude, resilience and mindfulness, and of course belief in something greater than yourself. It takes practice for people to reach these places. The article makes it seem easy. For people who are addicts (I'm one, but don't be fooled. I have an enviable life from the outside) we are brought to our knees and have no other options. We are willing to try anything to find peace. The steps work, even for non-believers, or skeptical jews like myself. I imagine that for some it must be as easy as making a choice. But not for me. I had to study, read, process, cry, push myself, get radically honest, get uncomfortable, and slowly my life was restored to a place better than before. And I realize the big difference: Hope. But I do know that this, Optimism, works. These "Kumbayah" ideals flood lives with meaning and self worth. I see it and feel it daily. I don't even miss being a cynic. After all, it takes many little things to make a life big.
18
Wow! This is wisdom from someone who really knows how it feels to feel hopeless. Thank you.
9
I'd love to hear the answer to the headline: how to turn negative thinkers into positive ones. That said, I liked the column and agree that over time, life is better when you're putting out positive energy.
2
Life isn't necessarily better, but you "feel" better about it.
1
We're all looking for ways to feel better. What Dr. Fredrickson suggests are nothing new. But first we need to know that we're not crazy: living is stressful. It always has been and it's always going to be. This is an article by Mark Epstein and published by The NY Times in 2013. Love this piece.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-ali...
I don't think it automatically follows that if a person is a pessimist than that person is dour and depressed. I'm somewhat of a pessimist, and I like it -- and I am a fairly happy person who loves being alive. And if something works out well, I'm happily surprised. If it doesn't, I'm not terribly disappointed.
While you've probably heard a lot that optimists live longer, type "pessimists live longer healthier lives" into your search engine and watch all the links, to very credible sources, populate. Click on a few of them, read the articles, and feel better about your pessimism. Pessimism is a MUCH more realistic way to be; and, unlike optimists, we're not likely to be disappointed.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-ali...
I don't think it automatically follows that if a person is a pessimist than that person is dour and depressed. I'm somewhat of a pessimist, and I like it -- and I am a fairly happy person who loves being alive. And if something works out well, I'm happily surprised. If it doesn't, I'm not terribly disappointed.
While you've probably heard a lot that optimists live longer, type "pessimists live longer healthier lives" into your search engine and watch all the links, to very credible sources, populate. Click on a few of them, read the articles, and feel better about your pessimism. Pessimism is a MUCH more realistic way to be; and, unlike optimists, we're not likely to be disappointed.
8
How about "The Exhilaration of Being Alive"?
I think a lot of it is chemical. And doing some of these exercises can change your brain chemistry. I think that's the point. It's not about forcing an attitude in the face of trouble, but making yourself neuro-biochemically stronger so you can deal with the trouble.
I think a lot of it is chemical. And doing some of these exercises can change your brain chemistry. I think that's the point. It's not about forcing an attitude in the face of trouble, but making yourself neuro-biochemically stronger so you can deal with the trouble.
7
Negativity and depression are not the same thing. People can be perfectly happy expressing negative opinions about things, while depressed people can strive to put the best spin on everything they encounter in an attempt to improve their mood, yet it still doesn't improve their mood.
Do you think that depression is equivalent to having a "bad attitude"? That's what seems to be implied here.
Do you think that depression is equivalent to having a "bad attitude"? That's what seems to be implied here.
24
Agreed. I find this article well intentioned but naive.
9
I agree.
5
I have worked in the news biz and am currently a therapist. It would be nice if the writers dug a little deeper in their research and understood their ignorance before the publish statement mething that does conflate negativity w dysfunction or the filp side positivity w functionality. Of course its way more
Many people simply are doomed from birth because they grew up in environment without true love. Some people begin to find a purpose in life after having kids and doing everything, loving unconditionally without expecting the kids to do anything for them. I think it's this unconditional caring emotion toward everything and everyone, that will lead to happiness in the long term. But if we become too dependent on others emotionally, we become takers more than givers. We need healthy balance of give and take with people in our lives. If we are surrounded by pessimistic people, realize that they can't give happiness because they're too selfish. Maybe they can change, but without caring for others, we won't find happiness. I expect and take nothing from others but do anything that's within my power to give for them, and I've never been happier.
7
They aren't "doomed from birth."
One of the women I work with was the result of a rape and was in turn raped by more than one relative and spent years locked in a mental ward (probably because of the frequent beatings from her mother). Given her beginnings, her accomplishments are amazing. She earned a college diploma and is still studying into her senior years and learning how to be more positively focused in a class I teach. If she'd been taught more techniques earlier her entire life would have been better but it is getting better now.
Her story is one of many similar stories I am personally aware of whose lives have improved because of positivity training and advanced coping skills.
Giving up on people who have a difficult life is unconscionable. No one is beyond help unless they have a toe tag on in cold storage.
One of the women I work with was the result of a rape and was in turn raped by more than one relative and spent years locked in a mental ward (probably because of the frequent beatings from her mother). Given her beginnings, her accomplishments are amazing. She earned a college diploma and is still studying into her senior years and learning how to be more positively focused in a class I teach. If she'd been taught more techniques earlier her entire life would have been better but it is getting better now.
Her story is one of many similar stories I am personally aware of whose lives have improved because of positivity training and advanced coping skills.
Giving up on people who have a difficult life is unconscionable. No one is beyond help unless they have a toe tag on in cold storage.
2
The fact of neuroplasticity is interesting - Id like to know more about the meditation exercises themselves:
"Dr. Davidson’s team showed that as little as two weeks’ training in compassion and kindness meditation generated changes in brain circuitry linked to an increase in positive social behaviors like generosity."
"Dr. Davidson’s team showed that as little as two weeks’ training in compassion and kindness meditation generated changes in brain circuitry linked to an increase in positive social behaviors like generosity."
1
Love this stuff, but I am conflicted between two opposing camps. I was raised on the "Power of Positive Thinking," etc. Life has taught me that "only the paranoid survive to 75." (And that all those warnings by your Mother turn out to be true!)
11
Being positive requires work-out. Article contains very good hints. Thanks
2
The yogis and buddhists have been affirming this notion forever....
10
Lovely reminder, thank you.
1
It's not a matter of "the glass is half full" or "the glass is half empty." What matters is what's in the glass.
25
With any luck, it's vodka.
5
I've gone through about fifteen comments. All of them are quite negative and some even bash the author. Oh the irony.
19
It takes a lot of effort to be 'happy' all of the time. Most of us don't have that time or energy (or money) anymore. Some people enjoy being miserable.
2
Depression is a frequent visitor for me - a clinical form that darkens my view and saps my energy. I felt uplifted reading this piece because I think the steps it outlines are simple and practical, and I've seen firsthand how important it is to have a simple strategy for dealing with depression. When I feel negative I try to do two things: (1) accept what is happening (never bury or push away the reality of internal / external circumstances) but (2) choose to be a little more loving (to myself, to everything that enters my mind or crosses my path). You cannot felt how you feel (you can control your feelings as well as you can control the weather) but you can change the way you think about what you're feeling, and this can magically reframe many experiences in life. I think that this piece outlines some approaches that can be beneficial when it comes to choosing something more positive for yourself, and I think it's important to understand that this is not the same as putting your head in the sand. I do have one question though: what specific compassion meditation practices does the author of this study suggest?
44
Darnell: Here are some resources that I have found very helpful. I, too, deal with clinical depression, as does a lot of my extended family, including our four boys.
At the very bottom she suggests "Mindfulness" but doesn't say more about it. I suspect all the citations she does mention come from the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn of the Massachusetts General Hospital. Thirty years ago he developed Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction to help people deal with serious issues, like their impending death, permanent disabilities, etc. So, here are some resources. He has many articles about the results, which were stunning.
1. Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Includes a CD with four modes of mindfulness meditation (non-religious).
2. Guided Mindfulness Meditation, Series 1,2 & 3; 4 CD's each.
3. Mindfulness Meditation for Psoriasis
4. The Mind's Own Physician--A scientific dialogue with the Dalai Lama on the Healing Power of Meditation.
No. 4 is not woo-woo stuff, it is a report of a huge conference of neuroscientists and long time practitioners of Mindfulness and Buddhist meditation. The results of the many short papers presented by rock solid scientists will amaze anyone interested in the mind/body connection. Many clinical interventions are discussed with charts and graphs. We might be beginning to wake up to discover that not everything needs a pill.
Thank you, Jane Brody.
At the very bottom she suggests "Mindfulness" but doesn't say more about it. I suspect all the citations she does mention come from the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn of the Massachusetts General Hospital. Thirty years ago he developed Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction to help people deal with serious issues, like their impending death, permanent disabilities, etc. So, here are some resources. He has many articles about the results, which were stunning.
1. Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Includes a CD with four modes of mindfulness meditation (non-religious).
2. Guided Mindfulness Meditation, Series 1,2 & 3; 4 CD's each.
3. Mindfulness Meditation for Psoriasis
4. The Mind's Own Physician--A scientific dialogue with the Dalai Lama on the Healing Power of Meditation.
No. 4 is not woo-woo stuff, it is a report of a huge conference of neuroscientists and long time practitioners of Mindfulness and Buddhist meditation. The results of the many short papers presented by rock solid scientists will amaze anyone interested in the mind/body connection. Many clinical interventions are discussed with charts and graphs. We might be beginning to wake up to discover that not everything needs a pill.
Thank you, Jane Brody.
12
I suggest you explore your environment and try to find something anything that makes you feel good even for a minute. The way light falls, a sound of a bird, a view of the sky. Then hold it in your consciousness and focus on it in a calm quiet place when you feel awful, breathing slowly and deeply.
The good doctor forgot "get a dog."
35
no, nein, negatory on getting a dog. most people spend way more time and money and concern on their dogs than their fellow human beings. most shallow conversations i hear between dog owners center around how precious their dog is ( as it poops everywhere) rather than reaching out, volunteering, and getting to know their neighbors and fostering deeper human connections. great for the ego and buying unconditional love, but low on the positivity scale
12
I've met most of my neighbors walking my dog through the neighborhood every evening. He gives me health and human interaction. And I still have time to volunteer.
38
My vote goes to dog ownership. The naysayer above chose to focus on negative views of some dog owners. For that person, I'd recommend a re-read of the article.
Responsible dog ownership can bring joy to many, while serving to bolster the owner's positive attitude, social interactions, life purpose, physical activity, appreciation of the natural world, and compassion.
Responsible dog ownership can bring joy to many, while serving to bolster the owner's positive attitude, social interactions, life purpose, physical activity, appreciation of the natural world, and compassion.
33
Will you allow a somewhat contrary and
slightly tongue-in-cheek view?
Positive, negative, it's all relative
- and I dislike most of my relatives.
Living in the here and now is fine
- if you have a death wish.
If you simply accept your flaws
- you will never improve or progress.
As for life giving me lemons:
I say forget the sweet lemonade.
Just hurl those pesky lemons back at that rascal
- and aim them well!
Seeking to capture "the positive"
is like seeking to capture happiness.
It just ain't gonna happen.
My motto is simply this:
be strong, don't deceive yourself,
and all else will follow in due course.
slightly tongue-in-cheek view?
Positive, negative, it's all relative
- and I dislike most of my relatives.
Living in the here and now is fine
- if you have a death wish.
If you simply accept your flaws
- you will never improve or progress.
As for life giving me lemons:
I say forget the sweet lemonade.
Just hurl those pesky lemons back at that rascal
- and aim them well!
Seeking to capture "the positive"
is like seeking to capture happiness.
It just ain't gonna happen.
My motto is simply this:
be strong, don't deceive yourself,
and all else will follow in due course.
9
I always wonder if the Jews who left Germany in the thirties were told they were just being too negative and things were going to work out fine.
32
The ones who left were called pessimists. The ones who stayed on were the optimists.
The ones who left were realists and optimistic about the possibilities if they moved. The ones who stayed were fearful of what a future in an unknown land might mean.
Fears not surmounted become walls.
Fears not surmounted become walls.
9
Patrician, the Jewish people hold a great secret on how to be optimistic every day in life, it's working like a 'restart' every morning. You can learn those things on my site Worldwizeweb.com
Pretty sure that Norman Vincent Peale covered this ground years ago.
4
I f you saw Manchester by the Sea, you'd know that there are people whose life experiences transcend advice to cheer up. Those of us who have suffered deep depression are also not responsive to efforts to fake it. If you are not as happy as you can be, have at it. But the number of people who are morose for good reason is substantial and for them this advise is naive.
16
Meh. I'm one of your brethren and I find to each his own. Some days are easier than others, but generally, if I can fake it on the hardest days, the motor gets going for long enough that I can get out of the ditch. At least until the next day. ;)
4
Don't forget--most people who make others laugh--comedians--are deeply negative at their core...Believe it or not, I develop kids' cartoons and am a humorist--while still being realistic about the likelihood of a flood of breaks coming my way. So my grumpy amygdala is working to make your sunny side even sunnier. Ah, irony, I love you so.
3
Job wasn't positive - he was realistic. He didn't say "well at least I am still alive, as is my wife, and I have three friends who have come to empathize with me". Had Job been positive would he have remained trapped in his circumstances?Would his superb meditation on the injustice of suffering have been recorded?
Great art, literature and music is born of suffering and its negative correlates, not Pollyanna positivity.
Great art, literature and music is born of suffering and its negative correlates, not Pollyanna positivity.
11
JJ in Germany, I'm sorry to say that you appear to not understand the meaning and message of Job. Job railed against his misfortunes because he saw himself as a totally blameless and upright man, with sin. Therefore his life should be smooth, wealthy and without pain.
The real message of Job is about man's relationship to God. Job's friends come to be with him and urge him to admit his failings, which he refuses to do. He wants God to come down so he can challenge Him. Which happens.
God asks Job a few questions and makes a few points. Job comes to understand and thus to accept his fate. Eventually he is restored.
Job's story is also about the Jewish idea that living an upright, sinless life means wealth, position and power are yours. And if you are poor, sick, afflicted, etc., it is because you have led a sinful life. This was the societal sickness and Temple corruption that Jesus came to correct. We know how that turned out.
Look up the teachings "All have sinned and come short of the Glory of God." And the two Great Commandments which sum up the whole Law and the Prophets (Old Testament): "You shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart, whole mind, whole soul and whole strength" and the second is like unto it "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." To do that, you must first love yourself, unconditionally. Try Mindfulness Meditation.
The real message of Job is about man's relationship to God. Job's friends come to be with him and urge him to admit his failings, which he refuses to do. He wants God to come down so he can challenge Him. Which happens.
God asks Job a few questions and makes a few points. Job comes to understand and thus to accept his fate. Eventually he is restored.
Job's story is also about the Jewish idea that living an upright, sinless life means wealth, position and power are yours. And if you are poor, sick, afflicted, etc., it is because you have led a sinful life. This was the societal sickness and Temple corruption that Jesus came to correct. We know how that turned out.
Look up the teachings "All have sinned and come short of the Glory of God." And the two Great Commandments which sum up the whole Law and the Prophets (Old Testament): "You shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart, whole mind, whole soul and whole strength" and the second is like unto it "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." To do that, you must first love yourself, unconditionally. Try Mindfulness Meditation.
1
Isn't it funny how in this "Christian" nation we STILL think people who are poor are bad in some way and people who are rich are good. Which is so not true. It's not possible to acquire wealth and be a good person, and Jesus affirmed that clearly.
3
I've been meditating (mindfulness practice) since 1981 when I met a famous Buddhist teacher, Chogyam Trungpa, in Boulder, CO. I think one of the misconceptions people have about meditation/mindfulness practice, is that it is easy. It isn't. It isn't easy for anyone. Like any other muscle, the payoff for training one's mind is only as great as the effort one makes.
22
Why do optimists always want to change everyone to be just like them? I'm glad that there are all different kinds of people in this world. Life would be pretty boring if everyone was happy all the time. As a "realist" I don't want to make other people think like me. Just accept people for who they are. That will make all of us happier.
26
Good manners, kindness, thoughtfulness, please/thank you, other old-fashioned, and, yes, simplistic-sounding virtues, once urged upon the rowdy young did much to encourage a pleasant environment.
Now we make the simple into unnecessary complexities by not beginning with good manners.
Now we make the simple into unnecessary complexities by not beginning with good manners.
8
After reading this article I noticed that there was a comment section, which prompted the thought" I wander what could possibly be controversial about what I have just read?" As I was reading a few comments I came to the conclusion that with out a few curmudgeons, we wouldn't appreciate the truly nice people in life. So keep it up guys, next to you the rest of us look even nicer by comparison. Note: I used the word curmudgeon because I don't think the NYT would print my first word choice.
17
Really? Could that be hostility?
2
"if you wish to be a happy man act the happy man". Isaac Singer an approximate quotes
5
I would add: make things! I am a busy physician, working about 40-50 hours per week. I love my work, but it can be demanding. In spare time, I take photographs on nature walks, sometimes with a fancy camera, sometimes with my phone. I print them out and make cards. I haven't bought a greeting card in 10 years (frugal, too). Getting immersed in an art, a craft, a project is important. We have one mind but two hands. I think we evolved to use them and are happiest when we do. You can buy anything, but it's so fun to create!
40
Sounds great! Send me one and cheer yourself up!
3
Love the article.
Was confused with many of the responses.
Maybe one reason that some are repelled rather than encouraged is that it was taken too literally.
In rereading, I think it says "Wake Up and smell the roses" -- not instead of, but more than "wake up and smell the ashes." Real life has plenty of both, and adjusting to each requires dealing with both.
I hope to use this article's reminders to concentrate more often on what's beautiful, or refreshing, or amusing, or charming, or touching with human kindness. More appreciation for the best of things may give more energy for the difficult things - not to ignore what's complicated or sad or, sometimes in life, tragic, but to have more strength to deal with it all.
Was confused with many of the responses.
Maybe one reason that some are repelled rather than encouraged is that it was taken too literally.
In rereading, I think it says "Wake Up and smell the roses" -- not instead of, but more than "wake up and smell the ashes." Real life has plenty of both, and adjusting to each requires dealing with both.
I hope to use this article's reminders to concentrate more often on what's beautiful, or refreshing, or amusing, or charming, or touching with human kindness. More appreciation for the best of things may give more energy for the difficult things - not to ignore what's complicated or sad or, sometimes in life, tragic, but to have more strength to deal with it all.
13
I love that you've written this! Thank you for it. There is always good and bad in everyone's life; we have to choose to emphasize the positive, the optimistic and the fun because the alternative is the negative, the pessimistic and the un-fun.
Who wants that?
I will admit that for years I didn't understand what now is often classified as "clinical depression" and the very legitimate condition that is sometimes chemically based; that can't be wiped away just by telling people to be more "happy" or "optimistic." And we have to have compassion, understanding and genuine support for those among us who are struggling with such challenges.
But for a lot of us, happiness or unhappiness---particularly in the day-to-day context---is often just a matter of choice; and whatever choices we make, every day, can eventually become habits, for better or for worse. Once you start leaning in one direction or another it's easy to let that dominate your life.
See the good in people, the humor in life, the contradictions that are part of all of us and learn to be forgiving and compassionate, both with yourself and others. Your life will be so much better and your days will be so much more interesting and joyous.
Who wants that?
I will admit that for years I didn't understand what now is often classified as "clinical depression" and the very legitimate condition that is sometimes chemically based; that can't be wiped away just by telling people to be more "happy" or "optimistic." And we have to have compassion, understanding and genuine support for those among us who are struggling with such challenges.
But for a lot of us, happiness or unhappiness---particularly in the day-to-day context---is often just a matter of choice; and whatever choices we make, every day, can eventually become habits, for better or for worse. Once you start leaning in one direction or another it's easy to let that dominate your life.
See the good in people, the humor in life, the contradictions that are part of all of us and learn to be forgiving and compassionate, both with yourself and others. Your life will be so much better and your days will be so much more interesting and joyous.
13
In my opinion, the new media's focus on negative stories (witness the four lead stories in today's NYT on gassing children in Syria, followed by two or three more on sexual harassment at Fox News) is a major cause of negativity in this country. Could this be because negative stories sell?
2
Of course, Free Spirit, you are spot on. 'If it bleeds, it leads' is an old, old media axiom. Few care about Aunt Jenny bringing food to the shut-ins, the ill, the paralyzed, etc. You will find very few of the stories about how we really lead our lives of caring and sharing because it would be BORING.
I have never understood movies, for instance, that show depravity, death, destruction, mindlessness (walking dead), etc. Are we leading lives of quiet desperation and need something nasty to get the juices flowing? Very sad state of affairs.
PD Ouspensky, in his book "On the Possible Psychological Evolution of Man" postulates three states of being. Sleeping sleep when we are in bed sleeping. Waking sleep when we are up and about our everyday tasks. Fully awake and conscious, no longer asleep. Mankind is mostly asleep. Very few are truly awake.
I have never understood movies, for instance, that show depravity, death, destruction, mindlessness (walking dead), etc. Are we leading lives of quiet desperation and need something nasty to get the juices flowing? Very sad state of affairs.
PD Ouspensky, in his book "On the Possible Psychological Evolution of Man" postulates three states of being. Sleeping sleep when we are in bed sleeping. Waking sleep when we are up and about our everyday tasks. Fully awake and conscious, no longer asleep. Mankind is mostly asleep. Very few are truly awake.
1
New? There's been bad news from Syria for 6 years; FOX "News" is itself a sad commentary on media. Harassment... trafficking is going on; people are being oppressed, exploited all over. BTW, a major cause of half the "negativity in this country" just moved into a white house not far from Virginia. You're more a blithe spirit, one who just happened to check in - & then blame the messenger.
3
I felt awful after reading these comments. I'm no Pollyanna--I can be really cranky if I don't have coffee or it's time to eat. But about those "Hi, how are you?" people.....I work on a college campus and often I mutter "hello" to strangers who walk past me, even if I don't know them. I don't hug them or ask intrusive questions. Rather, I'm just trying to say "I see you." Sometimes people feel invisible, as I have on days when absolutely no one returned my brief greeting.
I flew to Houston a few weeks ago and left my city at this ungodly hour and arrived worn out and in need of caffeine. I asked the guy at the Enterprise Car Rental agency who was getting my information how he was doing. He grinned and said "If I was any better I'd be twins." The day completely turned around. If I had been there for a funeral, or had wrecked the car, no, it would not have been a good day, but small things like that--or a high-five from a toddler--can dispel the dark moods that befall all of us.
After I read this article I read "Check the box if you are a good person" in which the writer praises a student who took the time to retrieve an item the author had dropped. I'm going to keep doing these little things that say "I see you......"
I flew to Houston a few weeks ago and left my city at this ungodly hour and arrived worn out and in need of caffeine. I asked the guy at the Enterprise Car Rental agency who was getting my information how he was doing. He grinned and said "If I was any better I'd be twins." The day completely turned around. If I had been there for a funeral, or had wrecked the car, no, it would not have been a good day, but small things like that--or a high-five from a toddler--can dispel the dark moods that befall all of us.
After I read this article I read "Check the box if you are a good person" in which the writer praises a student who took the time to retrieve an item the author had dropped. I'm going to keep doing these little things that say "I see you......"
30
No offense intended to Barbara Fredrickson, but she draws conclusions from her research that are well beyond what I, a "hard" scientist (physics), would consider appropriate. For one thing, she says that we should try to maintain a ratio of 2.9013 to 1 for positive comments to negative ones. Really? That's laughable to a serious scientist.
If doing as she says makes you feel better, by all means do it. But to suggest that there is any more science behind her suggestions than behind those of any other self-proclaimed self-help guru is to misunderstand science.
If doing as she says makes you feel better, by all means do it. But to suggest that there is any more science behind her suggestions than behind those of any other self-proclaimed self-help guru is to misunderstand science.
10
No offense, but you of all people should know that not all sciences are the same. Just because it cannot be proved in step by step calculations does not mean their are not objective measurements behind it. Most psychologists are deemphasizing medication and encouraging cognitive behavioral modification as a better method to resolving dissonance in our lives, based upon proved results. Take it for what you will, but I hope you never have to deal with depression or the like. I find those who do not tend to have the luxury of haughty opinions based on lack of first hand experience.
2
Yeah, and these kind of simplistic witch doctor theories make it to the New York Times, apart from it's frontal assault on the President. Wow. Usually psychology can be moderately interesting, but this article just blows. Need my five minutes back. Stick to the anti Trump-ian attacks and the well being of those beautiful sanctuary cities.
1
Get real.
"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those that do not have it." - George Bernard Shaw
"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those that do not have it." - George Bernard Shaw
20
"He [Bernard Shaw] hasn't an enemy in the world,
and none of his friends like him." Sixteen Sketches, Oscar Wilde
"What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." Lady Windermere's Fan, Oscar Wilde
and none of his friends like him." Sixteen Sketches, Oscar Wilde
"What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." Lady Windermere's Fan, Oscar Wilde
5
I am a positive person generally, but within our family we have a fair number of people on the autism spectrum, who can sometimes get awfully stuck on negative ideas.
I have learned over the years that it's possible to help them, but it's emotionally draining. I imagine it's similar for people living with a family member experiencing depression or other forms of mental illness, at least to the extent that these show up as "negative thinking".
A few years ago, I saw a young woman on the subway with one of those recycled shopping bag that stated, simply, "The World is a Pretty Amazing Place". It sustained me for days, and I would tell people: "You've got to spend more time looking at shopping bags. There's a lot more wisdom there than you might think." It was a great way to knock a negative conversation onto a more positive track, and of course you can follow up later by asking if they've seen any good shoppping bags lately.
To make people positive thinkers, give them something positive think about. It feels good, and it will put your inevitable long hours of listening into a broader and happier perspective.
I have learned over the years that it's possible to help them, but it's emotionally draining. I imagine it's similar for people living with a family member experiencing depression or other forms of mental illness, at least to the extent that these show up as "negative thinking".
A few years ago, I saw a young woman on the subway with one of those recycled shopping bag that stated, simply, "The World is a Pretty Amazing Place". It sustained me for days, and I would tell people: "You've got to spend more time looking at shopping bags. There's a lot more wisdom there than you might think." It was a great way to knock a negative conversation onto a more positive track, and of course you can follow up later by asking if they've seen any good shoppping bags lately.
To make people positive thinkers, give them something positive think about. It feels good, and it will put your inevitable long hours of listening into a broader and happier perspective.
19
Or bumper stickers on cars.
3
That's a hard bargain, in the age of Trump!
Sweet, but I'll take a brioche and coffee over this positively simplistic stuff.
9
Everyone has parts of the daily news feed that are not for them. For me, this priceless article was enormously helpful, because it helped my daughter, who will be 29 tomorrow and has sadly since infancy endured atrocious abuse by the outside world (and no I am not exaggerating; if I told you her story your hair would stand on end) see that there are new developments in this critically important aspect of brain science. What may seem like platitudes to you might help someone else prevent suicide, or continue to show tenacity in pursuing life goals. There are so many different people out there. The majority have known trauma and injustice. Be kind, it's cheap.
3
I find that watching situation comedies in the evening helps to counteract my own negativity. Not the mean sit-coms but the nice ones. Also, old episodes of the original "Star Trek" are sure to bring a smile.
8
This was a little more reasonable in describing doing or thinking things that an give you a positive emotional response. That is different than saying oh, it will be ok. Oh, that won't happen. Or from my side, we have already lost our freedoms and democracy. That is being realistic. So is say our leaders are corrupt. And technology is going be a serious problem for employment and the speed of change is increasing. I could say, no one is paying me to fix this mess. But should I be positive that my retirement income will be less and I will live out life like many others, watching every penny and going to the doctors offices. I rather die before that.
5
Do you workout at the Park Slope Y? One thing New York City has on LA, by far.
1
Amazing how many angry comments on this article there are. The last thing people want to lose is their suffering.
42
to the prime of ms jane brody, and everyone else at NYT health/well:
thanks for these columns. the NYT front and editorial pages have become cesspools of trump bashing and progressivism hagiography, but here's to NYT's well and health columns. without it, the NYT is just another slate or msnbc (and may jimmy reston rest in peace)
thanks for these columns. the NYT front and editorial pages have become cesspools of trump bashing and progressivism hagiography, but here's to NYT's well and health columns. without it, the NYT is just another slate or msnbc (and may jimmy reston rest in peace)
6
Trump is the "cesspool"---not those of us who are determined to resist his heinous actions. And keeping an optimistic and hopeful attitude during this time is particularly challenging; especially since We The Majority preferred Trump's opponent by a margin of 3 Million Votes.
Also, Slate and MSNBC are terrific. Ironically, your negative attitude appears to be keeping you from recognizing reality, both in mathematics and political commentary.
Also, Slate and MSNBC are terrific. Ironically, your negative attitude appears to be keeping you from recognizing reality, both in mathematics and political commentary.
9
Well said...& I bet Jimmy Reston would be most upset at this WH...I wonder if the above was trolling, from Moldova.
MSNBC gives some of us hope!
1
great article
5
I knew a young man depressed and anxious to the point of suicide. Then, he went to the animal shelter and adopted a cat. He tells me it turned his life around, and beginning his day with a simple purr and leg-rub in appreciation of life and freedom has done wonders for him. Unconditional love promotes health, and health promotes happiness. Don't get yet another prescription, get a pet.
36
Been the pet route with both dogs and cats ....
Yes they give you tons of loving then the vet visits start and the $1200 - $3000 vet bills start coming and then your loving pets die and your heartbroken again and again with every new pet ...Done that and been there ..,
I'll stick with my houseplants
Yes they give you tons of loving then the vet visits start and the $1200 - $3000 vet bills start coming and then your loving pets die and your heartbroken again and again with every new pet ...Done that and been there ..,
I'll stick with my houseplants
4
I'm an animal lover—we have a cat and dog, and they both bring me much joy—but suggesting that clinically depressed people opt for a pet *instead of meds* is reckless and, frankly, dumb. Meds can, and do, work wonders for many people suffering from depression and anxiety. I am one of them.
3
Fifty years ago it was personality disorders. Twenty years ago it was a "chemical imbalance" (lack of serotonin). Now it's a messed up "amygdala," now the source of all "bad" thoughts and behavior. The source of negative thinking lies not just in a person, but in their social environment, their interactional patterns, their history and current relationships. The billion dollar search for the biological cause of behavior has yet to produce any solutions. Remember when they wanted to put Prozac in drinking water?
9
No one ever mentions how risky it can be to be an "optimist." Most of positive psychology is exactly what Barbara Ehrenreich has told us it is -- a very underhanded sales technique, as well as an inherently cruel move, as it suggests that each one of us is in some way responsible for how we feel. The next step, of course, is that if we are unhappy, we have no one but ourselves to blame.
All of these moves are such nonsense. I don't see why anyone should embark on this convoluted path in the first place.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. Optimism may indeed be dangerous. Remember the dot com bubble? Remember the adjustable rate mortgages? Indeed, by now, there must be a casino near everyone. And haven't you ever trusted someone you should not have? Believed someone who was lying to you? Or been genuinely surprised at how low some people can go? (You must have some recent memories of that.)
I know that I myself need to remind myself not to be so cherrily trusting. It's often a struggle to see the world for what it is. There is nothing charming about making such mistakes well into adulthood, and even on the cusp of middle age. Love of life means loving it as it is, whereas maintaining any illusions about it will devolve into a fruitless struggle eventually. It is also very irresponsible. I like to know what things ARE, and do my part.
All of these moves are such nonsense. I don't see why anyone should embark on this convoluted path in the first place.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. Optimism may indeed be dangerous. Remember the dot com bubble? Remember the adjustable rate mortgages? Indeed, by now, there must be a casino near everyone. And haven't you ever trusted someone you should not have? Believed someone who was lying to you? Or been genuinely surprised at how low some people can go? (You must have some recent memories of that.)
I know that I myself need to remind myself not to be so cherrily trusting. It's often a struggle to see the world for what it is. There is nothing charming about making such mistakes well into adulthood, and even on the cusp of middle age. Love of life means loving it as it is, whereas maintaining any illusions about it will devolve into a fruitless struggle eventually. It is also very irresponsible. I like to know what things ARE, and do my part.
28
While I do think this article was simplifying, I don't believe the author meant to substitute critical thinking was blind optimism. That would be a foolish way to live and one could ultimately get hurt that way. Of course, be aware of what's real, trust but also verify. These are good ways to deal with the information thrust at us. That said, the proverbial glass can be perceived as half full or half empty and when the stakes are smaller -- we can make those choices and own them. But you are right, that when things are more serious, it is not healthy to believe that you simply couldn't 'good though' yourself out of something and that the blame must therefore, lie with you. It is a balance. And finding that balance is all there is.
4
Ms. Ehrenreich was suffering breast cancer and she also suffered the ridiculousness of the pink ribbon/Susan Koman Foundation campaign.
I highly recommend her book 'Brightsided' about the over commercialization of the selling and buying happiness in America. We are insane really. The happy thing is a neurosis. We can't be happy ALL OF THE TIME! It's called life and it is hard for most of us. I get crazy when we don't allow people to mourn the death of a loved one.
I highly recommend her book 'Brightsided' about the over commercialization of the selling and buying happiness in America. We are insane really. The happy thing is a neurosis. We can't be happy ALL OF THE TIME! It's called life and it is hard for most of us. I get crazy when we don't allow people to mourn the death of a loved one.
7
Well, I don't agree with you on everything here.
I am an incurable optimist, inasmuch as I am defining worthy and ambitious goals, but the next thing I do is contemplate all the scenarios I can think of that could get in my way to reach that goal, try to preempt them and if it is impossible or unlikely find another worthwhile goal.
That's another word for being a rational realist with a - hopefully - healthy sense of "If you don't dare, you won't win".
I am an incurable optimist, inasmuch as I am defining worthy and ambitious goals, but the next thing I do is contemplate all the scenarios I can think of that could get in my way to reach that goal, try to preempt them and if it is impossible or unlikely find another worthwhile goal.
That's another word for being a rational realist with a - hopefully - healthy sense of "If you don't dare, you won't win".
Good points, thank you. And yet, you are not counting on some of us, rebels without a cause, who know there is a good stretch from saying it...to doing it (the smiling).
2
How sweet!
1
Childhood trauma, stress, growing up in a dysfunctional family can make it harder to be a positive thinker as an adult.
35
That's why you need to relearn and be the dog that learns new skills :)
15
This article reminds me of the Monty Python skit that concerns a legendary "happy kingdom" where grumpy people are sentenced to "hang by the neck until they cheer up!" Something very sinister--and very corporate--about this.
40
Reminds me of the saying, "The beatings will continue until morale improves."
24
Happiness lies exclusively in seeking the truth. I choose not to see positive things when in truth those things are negative.
20
I absolutely hate it when people say, "Hi how are you?" and don't really wait for an answer and move on. DON'T ask this unless you really care. Why bother?
It's a weird American thing. I don't get it at all.
It's a weird American thing. I don't get it at all.
28
It makes me laugh when I'm asked it at the doctor's office.
4
It's a phrase that's meant to just say 'hi' and perhaps imply 'hope you're doing well,' rather than meant as a literal question. Similar with 'Hey, what's happening?' albeit that sounds more dated. Just a colloquialism, and those can be odd!
11
It's a way to say hello and only ppl close 2 you will care.
3
U.C Berkeley neuopsychologist Rick Hanson, PhD., asserts that, due to evolution, "the brain is like teflon for positive experiences, and velcro for negative ones." Hanson, in books, such as "Buddha's Brain," and "Just One Thing," offers techniques, grounded in the brain's neuroplasticity, to counteract this negative emotional bias and shift the balance toward the positive end of the emotional spectrum. Life can be hard, but if a happier, more loving, and more compassionate -- and possibly even more helpful -- way of being in the world is possible, why not work toward this?
29
St Ignatius, founder of the Jesuits, created, paracticed and taught us The Examen. As parents of a boy attending a Jesuit high school, we were offered the chance to be guided through a form of The Examen. It included, among other things, sitting quietly at the end of the day and writing (briefly) three things we were grateful for that day, situations that occurred we would handle differently if we had a do-over, and planning for the next day. My wife and I committed to this for one year. It was one of the happiest years of my life and I attribute it to both the appreciation of things it forced me to focus on and the calmness it engendered by preparing me for my next day.
96
Interesting that you could see it as producing the happiest year of your life but did not continue past the year committed to.
As a trial lawyer exposed to the "people" (which word I use as a pejorative), I am tired of being asked how my day is going, or what I did over the weekend and when I say I was at my office working getting a perplexed look. I am a realist living among a population made up of 80% sheep wearing rose-colored glasses. Yes, my smugness at being a wolf--a prepared wolf--keeps me content. I find true happiness in those little unplanned and unanticipated moments like accidentally discovering a great chicken-salad sandwich or a forgotten $20 dollar bill in my jeans or going to a Brian Wilson concert and rediscovering just how great "Pet Sounds" really is--while at the same time looking at Brian from my fifth row floor seat and being reminded that even genius grows old and dim. So no,,I am not one who goes around thinking "positively", whatever that means. And I am not going to apologize. It doesn't seem to have affected my health, and I am not looking to widen my circle of profane, twisted friends.
I once asked an oncologist if, anecdotally, he thought that cancer patients with a positive outlook or spiritual faith survived more than those who took treatment but were convinced they were nevertheless doomed. He told me the former was "a bad prognostic indicator".
I once asked an oncologist if, anecdotally, he thought that cancer patients with a positive outlook or spiritual faith survived more than those who took treatment but were convinced they were nevertheless doomed. He told me the former was "a bad prognostic indicator".
29
First of all, gosh, I'm sure your oncologist was absolutely right. Those positive thinkers must somehow sabotage their own well-being. An anecdote is worth--I don't know, a thousand research articles? No one's asking you to apologize for your lack of positivity and your lawyerly smugness, by the way, so go ahead, don't apologize. We "people," aka sheep, really don't care about you any more than you seem to care about us (and I count myself, a former lawyer, among the sheep if only to separate myself from your wolfishness). I'd just take issue with who is profane and twisted. These attributes, I've heard (anecdotally, of course), are in the eye of the beholder.
2
As a trial lawyer, I must disagree wholeheartedly and fundamentally. My clients- real people, no scare quotes, they are your equals and mine- couldn't misplace five bucks much less twenty, and couldn't afford concert tickets in any row. They are not sheep in rose colored glasses. They need my help. I find happiness in helping them, which certainly does not involve pretending to be an alpha-male wolf. You most certainly do need to apologize, to your clients you freely insult and to all the good lawyers who must put up with the likes of you in our honorable profession. (By the way, humor eases a client, and allows then to make better, less emotional decisions.)
85
Vandalfan- case in point; reading your post makes me appreciate that there is goodness in the world and good people such as yourself.
30
"compassion and kindness resulted in an increase in positive emotions"
The best way to do this is to start getting cruelty out of your daily life. Reducing your use of animal products is the most effective way to do this, because they bring violence and cruelty into your daily day. It's easy to start with one small step, whether or not you take additional steps in the future:
http://www.onestepforanimals.org/
The best way to do this is to start getting cruelty out of your daily life. Reducing your use of animal products is the most effective way to do this, because they bring violence and cruelty into your daily day. It's easy to start with one small step, whether or not you take additional steps in the future:
http://www.onestepforanimals.org/
10
What a beautiful comment. Thank you for including compassion for animals as a tenet for happiness.
9
Can someone please help me find the first part of this column? I really would like to read it.
5
Hi, Fabian--
Here you go!
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/27/well/live/positive-thinking-may-impro...
"A Positive Outlook May Be Good For Your Health" by Jane E.Brody - March 27, 2017 :)
Here you go!
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/27/well/live/positive-thinking-may-impro...
"A Positive Outlook May Be Good For Your Health" by Jane E.Brody - March 27, 2017 :)
1
If you have email, email the New York Times. They'll probably send it to you.
What the article does not mention is that human beings (that is, all of us) tend to fall into the trap of employing distorted styles of thinking, which for 95% of the time, lead to negative thinking. We cataastrophize. We minimize. We think in terms of all or nothing. We magnify the bad and minimize the good. That is what we have to change. Some of these ideas may seem overly simplistic, but they are backed by research. They are the first step in trying to retrain yourself from falling into those distorted thought patterns. FWIW, "mindfulness", before it was hijacked, means keeping your head in the present moment. Mindfulness has helped me manage my severe anxiety. Don't knock something unless you've tried it.
23
Self awareness is helpful. When in a line at the shopping center practice breathing and strength in the legs. Smile at the checkout person. Drive others crazy. Even give up your spot to someone older. I mean what is time but a human construct which need not be dominant. Brody is right. Act positive is a road to feeling better the small stuff. And most of it really is. Not polyanna but polymorphous. Humans are creative. You too.
14
Do good things for other people.
If you’re doing this so you can feel better about yourself - generate positive thinking and all - you’re just as selfish as the next guy.
Appreciate the world around you.
Like a bird or a tree? Please! The only birds around are pigeons, which you can neither pet nor cook. If rats had wings and lost all fear of dying, they’d be called pigeons.
Develop and bolster relationships.
This can really cut both ways, so don’t bet on it. Or, as Sartre put it, “Hell is other people.”
Establish goals that can be accomplished.
In other words, figure out a way to both stay busy and accomplish nothing. A winning combination for sure, plus we don’t want you to work too hard.
Learn something new.
Like what, knitting?
Choose to accept yourself, flaws and all.
That's not what Equinox tells me to do. Now I'm conflicted and the cognitive dissonance is making me even more stressed than before. I need resilience.
Practice resilience. Bingo! I’ve read this far, so - CHECK!
Practice mindfulness.
Just in case the very mention of the word “mindfulness” leads to fits of uncontrollable rage, see above.
If you’re doing this so you can feel better about yourself - generate positive thinking and all - you’re just as selfish as the next guy.
Appreciate the world around you.
Like a bird or a tree? Please! The only birds around are pigeons, which you can neither pet nor cook. If rats had wings and lost all fear of dying, they’d be called pigeons.
Develop and bolster relationships.
This can really cut both ways, so don’t bet on it. Or, as Sartre put it, “Hell is other people.”
Establish goals that can be accomplished.
In other words, figure out a way to both stay busy and accomplish nothing. A winning combination for sure, plus we don’t want you to work too hard.
Learn something new.
Like what, knitting?
Choose to accept yourself, flaws and all.
That's not what Equinox tells me to do. Now I'm conflicted and the cognitive dissonance is making me even more stressed than before. I need resilience.
Practice resilience. Bingo! I’ve read this far, so - CHECK!
Practice mindfulness.
Just in case the very mention of the word “mindfulness” leads to fits of uncontrollable rage, see above.
19
Do you publish greeting cards?
9
Even if you do good things for other people for your own personal benefit (feeling good), it's still doing good things for other people. Better to do this than to do bad things to other people for your own personal benefit. You might feel good, or smug, or self-satisfied, but the other person is feeling awful. So if you do good things for other people, you both benefit and God smiles.
Pigeons can be eaten, provided that killing them is legal where you are and if you don't mind killing, plucking and butchering them. Younger domestic pigeons are called "squab" and they can be fixed any number of ways. It's said to taste like dark chicken meat and pairs well with red wines.
Pigeons can be eaten, provided that killing them is legal where you are and if you don't mind killing, plucking and butchering them. Younger domestic pigeons are called "squab" and they can be fixed any number of ways. It's said to taste like dark chicken meat and pairs well with red wines.
A pessimist is never disappointed and occassionally pleasantly suprised
26
Excellent piece, and advice.
Trauma, and associated anxiety and depression, have affected me for most of my life. During the worst of it, when it's so bad that I'm unable to work, full-on positive thinking is impossible, as it seems like a form of mockery. It makes me feel all the more distant from the healthy, vital self that I miss and so badly want to be again. I get through those periods not by thinking "I have no reason to be sad and everything is gonna be fine!!" so much as making small efforts: acknowledging the validity of what I'm feeling, knowing that I am strong in spite of (and even because of) traumatic experiences, congratulating myself for each task I complete and for making it through another day.
Positivity isn't one-size-fit-all. It isn't easy for some to suck it and be positive if the things they carry are a constant affront to their dignity, confidence and ability/desire to live, let alone thrive. Projecting it outward, on top of that, is another challenge.
Like the author, I get a huge lift out of saying hello to my neighbours' kids, and of course their dogs, too. Telling oneself that things can get better, slowly, is helpful. Patience is helpful. Acceptance is hugely important. Be what you need to be in the moment, but whatever that is, leave at least some of your ego behind.
Trauma, and associated anxiety and depression, have affected me for most of my life. During the worst of it, when it's so bad that I'm unable to work, full-on positive thinking is impossible, as it seems like a form of mockery. It makes me feel all the more distant from the healthy, vital self that I miss and so badly want to be again. I get through those periods not by thinking "I have no reason to be sad and everything is gonna be fine!!" so much as making small efforts: acknowledging the validity of what I'm feeling, knowing that I am strong in spite of (and even because of) traumatic experiences, congratulating myself for each task I complete and for making it through another day.
Positivity isn't one-size-fit-all. It isn't easy for some to suck it and be positive if the things they carry are a constant affront to their dignity, confidence and ability/desire to live, let alone thrive. Projecting it outward, on top of that, is another challenge.
Like the author, I get a huge lift out of saying hello to my neighbours' kids, and of course their dogs, too. Telling oneself that things can get better, slowly, is helpful. Patience is helpful. Acceptance is hugely important. Be what you need to be in the moment, but whatever that is, leave at least some of your ego behind.
25
I am no stranger to bouts of serious depression during my life.
I find that rather than trying to shift my mood or self talk my way out of how I am feeling, I ALLOW myself to feel what I am feeling. It may seem strange to hear this, but by not mitigating my feelings in the moment, I became aware that the moment shifted on its own. I didn't dwell nor try to change how I felt. I discovered that my depressed feelings were a part of me that needed to be felt. I gained a sense of wholeness from feeling them rather than trying to change them.
I hope this made sense because it worked for me, and still does. I hope it may help you too.
I find that rather than trying to shift my mood or self talk my way out of how I am feeling, I ALLOW myself to feel what I am feeling. It may seem strange to hear this, but by not mitigating my feelings in the moment, I became aware that the moment shifted on its own. I didn't dwell nor try to change how I felt. I discovered that my depressed feelings were a part of me that needed to be felt. I gained a sense of wholeness from feeling them rather than trying to change them.
I hope this made sense because it worked for me, and still does. I hope it may help you too.
10
Thank you so much for sharing, Manderine. I started doing this more deliberately last year, and it has made a tremendous difference. It came out of a realization that, as a habitually closed-off person, I needed to start listening to all the things that were hurting, and allow them to be so I could understand their hurt and why they do. Feeling feelings fully has encouraged acceptance and healing. All the best to you.
I can hear the wisdom and experience with pain in your post. Thank you for adding your words to my day! You have an outlook we can all try to learn from.
The comments to this post, more so than with most articles, I think, reveals much more about the person commenting than anything! This column and people's reaction to it would be a great litmus test for a potential life partner.
The comments to this post, more so than with most articles, I think, reveals much more about the person commenting than anything! This column and people's reaction to it would be a great litmus test for a potential life partner.
I have to question the sole reliance on Fredrickson's work, because her mathematics of positivity have been debunked in Brown, Nicholas J. L., Alan D. Sokal, and Harris L. Friedman. “The Complex Dynamics of Wishful Thinking: The Critical Positivity Ratio.” American Psychologist 68, no. 9 (2013): 801–13. doi:10.1037/a0032850.
In her retraction, Fredrickson stepped back from the mathematics, but said that her conclusions still stood. (Which sounds to me like, "I don't like the results, so I'm ignoring them.")
For those of you not fortunate enough to have the library access that I have, it's available free online: http://www.physics.nyu.edu/sokal/complex_dynamics_final_clean.pdf
In her retraction, Fredrickson stepped back from the mathematics, but said that her conclusions still stood. (Which sounds to me like, "I don't like the results, so I'm ignoring them.")
For those of you not fortunate enough to have the library access that I have, it's available free online: http://www.physics.nyu.edu/sokal/complex_dynamics_final_clean.pdf
12
These positive thinking gurus are trying to make everyone feel guilty about their thoughts. It is the positive thinkers who are always looking for the negative. The rest of us just treat the negative thoughts as part of normal life. It is the so-called positive thinking people who are always pointing out what they think is negative when it is not necessarily so. I am tired of hearing from all these Pollyannas." Let's play the glad game."
22
I am sorry but I have to laugh at all the "positive" people giving out advice from their comfy middle and upper classes lives. Walking around life being "positive" is just as toxic because it creates a false sense of reality, a reality that might need some realistic analysis in order to better it. I truly do not understand how can anybody in America that is not part of the top 1% can "make lemonade" out of what is currently going on on our country socially, politically and economically. Even if you are in the top 1%, the way the current administration is sending us back 50 years in every aspect of our country and planet should not only make these positive people think twice about what their positivism is really all about but should made them mad as hell that it is happening to begin with.
41
One thing that would make me happier is never hearing the word "mindfulness" again.
135
That's a funny comment, Theresa! Really, it's like from a New Yorker cartoon. Thanks for the laugh! Feeling more positive already.
17
Glad I made you laugh. Thanks for the encouragement--maybe I'll work on my graphic skills!
6
Amen.
1
Be mindful also of the world-warping influence of depression, which both spawns and feeds off of self-destructive negativity. A depressive is not choosing to be unhappy and is not necessarily wrong about the bad things in life, but may make obsessive cognitive choices that worsen and entrench the depression. "Be happy" is never the right thing to command, but teasing out the "thinking errors" that results in unrealistic self-criticism and lingering on the good can be very valuable elements of response along with therapeutic, pharmaceutical, and (otherwise) philosophical. Life is amazing; we just can't always see it.
15
No matter how many of these positive emotions you manage to continuously foster, keep a smile on your face, even if some of the time it's just a sarcastic grin. This is my second attempt to float this simple solution to negative thinking, but my 90 year old brain pretends to believe it, even after two strokes.
17
As a Canadian, I am often puzzled and fascinated by the subtle but persistent cultural differences between our two countries, given that we watch the same TV shows, listen to the same music, etc. This article reflects a deep cultural difference that comes up repeatedly, especially in movies. That is the tendency among Americans to romanticize the power and agency of the individual. This individualistic mindset narrows the field of vision when it comes to responding to a range of problems - from depression to obesity to gun violence - and blinds Americans to the possibility of collective responses. So much so that even something as basic and obvious as national health insurance is greeted with skepticism. Americans are much more inclined to believe that well-being and happiness are created and sustained by individuals (or possibly by their families). But access to resources, opportunities to achieve, and supportive, safe communities are also fundamental to happiness.
820
Agreed. I think much of the negativity that Americans experience is generated by our anxiety about not meeting unrealistic goals for either ourselves or others. We are social animals and need the supports of a good quality community, all too lacking in America, a land of isolation and loneliness.
27
Always better in Canada.
10
Brilliant observation!
If "market" solutions to health care worked, and collective ones were "evil," then the US would not have some of the highest rates of obesity, teen pregnancy, and substance abuse and addiction in the developed world.
The way to do things for other people, bolster relationships, and show kindness is to GIVE ALL OF US HEALTH CARE, fight for clean air and water, and affordable pure foods. There. That would show we care about whether our fellow man lives or dies.
If "market" solutions to health care worked, and collective ones were "evil," then the US would not have some of the highest rates of obesity, teen pregnancy, and substance abuse and addiction in the developed world.
The way to do things for other people, bolster relationships, and show kindness is to GIVE ALL OF US HEALTH CARE, fight for clean air and water, and affordable pure foods. There. That would show we care about whether our fellow man lives or dies.
8
What is more likely to spur action on Climate Change? Are the negative thinkers or the positive thinkers the ones who get their houses insulated, put solar panels on their roof, learn to grow a veggie garden and compost their kitchen waste, write their congresspeople, turn down their thermostat and put on a sweater instead, bike to work and school and the store.... So which is it? The negative or the positive or is it the realistic ones, the ones who aren't afraid to look at a looming monumental and catastrophic disaster in the making head on?
24
The negative thinkers are futuristic, usually wise, and anticipate the next disaster. Who knows which category those who take action are in. :)
4
Regarding global warming: A negative thinker would say , "What's the use of doing anything. The situation is hopeless." A positive thinker would say, "My actions can make a difference."
11
There are no easy answers to this question. Used to research and teach on stress management and believe that how we think about something has a direct relationship to whether or not our stress hormones are activated. Today's challenges are not appropriate for the "fight or flight" reaction that goes back to early man's physical survival. For example, public speaking is not dangerous to our wellbeing but it is our number one fear and can create terrible feelings and trigger the stress response. For these and many other reasons it is better for our overall health if we can avoid "irrational" negative thinking.
However I believe we are all born with different capacities for thinking positively or negatively that are multi determined. There is even evidence that trauma in one generation can change the brain and pass those changes from one generation to another. We should not judge negative thinkers too harshly and believe they just have follow certain steps to become optimists. Some people are very pleasant to be with and friendly but have a darker view of life and people for very good reasons. Just think about how things are today in this country.
However I believe we are all born with different capacities for thinking positively or negatively that are multi determined. There is even evidence that trauma in one generation can change the brain and pass those changes from one generation to another. We should not judge negative thinkers too harshly and believe they just have follow certain steps to become optimists. Some people are very pleasant to be with and friendly but have a darker view of life and people for very good reasons. Just think about how things are today in this country.
17
There are times in one's life when the glass is not half full or half empty but broken.
On the other hand, the 'always happy campers' in life always raise my suspicions. I don't trust them.
On the other hand, the 'always happy campers' in life always raise my suspicions. I don't trust them.
27
Very true! Most of the times they are scammers, telling you what you want to hear to relieve you of your money or trying to get you to help them cheat someone else.
Most of life is grey, not white.
There are exceptions, though, and if you find them, do not ignore them!
But almost invariably, those exceptions are made by yourself.
Most of life is grey, not white.
There are exceptions, though, and if you find them, do not ignore them!
But almost invariably, those exceptions are made by yourself.
1
My mailman is like that...I say, "How's tricks?" and he says, "Can't complain." I feel like saying (but never have, yet anyhow, "C'mon, try it, complain once...I dare you." Then the other day, he blurted out that he had torn his shoulder...He knows I battled with chronic pain--and we had a real convo.
2
I recommend two kittens!
11
While this might apply to everyday matters where little is at stake, whenever it comes to things that truly matter, you better think negative, i.e. consider all possible outcomes and the odds for each outcome.
I personally stand behind Andrew Grove former CEO of Intel: "Only the paranoid survive"
Although you cannot be successful without having a positive outlook, simply ignoring the dangers along the path you are taking will sink your ship.
And as a scientist, only considering positive outcomes to one's hypotheses will lead you nowhere but into a blind alley. This is not how science works. You make progress by formulating a hypothesis and then do everything you can to disprove yourself. I.e. by thinking negative. Only if you fail, you can move on.
All with a measure of perspective, please!
I personally stand behind Andrew Grove former CEO of Intel: "Only the paranoid survive"
Although you cannot be successful without having a positive outlook, simply ignoring the dangers along the path you are taking will sink your ship.
And as a scientist, only considering positive outcomes to one's hypotheses will lead you nowhere but into a blind alley. This is not how science works. You make progress by formulating a hypothesis and then do everything you can to disprove yourself. I.e. by thinking negative. Only if you fail, you can move on.
All with a measure of perspective, please!
24
It all sounds so simple!
But it's not.
While I can recognize the benefits of positive thinking, changing one's most basic thought patterns is incredibly challenging, which this article fails to acknowledge, as is unfortunately common in this author's work for the NYT.
After spending 15 years married to someone who thought it was a person's choice at any given moment to feel a particular way (e.g. "It's your choice whether or not to be stressed out by the car dying"), I cringe at any suggestion that people can choose how they feel, without proper acknowledgement that this can be extremely difficult.
But it's not.
While I can recognize the benefits of positive thinking, changing one's most basic thought patterns is incredibly challenging, which this article fails to acknowledge, as is unfortunately common in this author's work for the NYT.
After spending 15 years married to someone who thought it was a person's choice at any given moment to feel a particular way (e.g. "It's your choice whether or not to be stressed out by the car dying"), I cringe at any suggestion that people can choose how they feel, without proper acknowledgement that this can be extremely difficult.
22
That spouse sounds crazy making. Glad you got out.
2
There used to be a popular bumpersticker, ''If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.'' Should be renewed.
26
I can't bear someone telling me how I should feel.
3
Play it again, Sam. But, you are funny.
1
Not only can negative thinkers become positive ones, but they can also become healthier, smarter and sexier if they engage in the practice of meditation. All of those benefits of meditation have been shown by researchers from top universities. http://meditationpracticessite.com
6
There's only one good way to deal with all the negative Nellies in the world: Don't. Not if you want to stay happy, healthy and sane. Psychologists call this phenomenon "emotion contagion" and often use it to describe why we get grouchy and exhausted from dealing with certain types of people. My advice: run like hell from the negative complainers or run the risk of becoming one yourself!
9
Great advice, Pal Joey.
According to motivational speaker Jim Rohn we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
According to motivational speaker Jim Rohn we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
1
Thanks for this article. I lived with one of these people for 25 years. It crushes the spirit to have every idea met with objection and worst case the response to every event. I feel for these negativos but as you point out until they recognize this in themselves there's no changing it.
14
All a matter of perspective. Perhaps your former spouse thought the same way of you? The goal has to be to harmonize your different world views. Both have truth in them.
3
Another great article about positive thinking! I wish all these people with negative thoughts would just stop choosing to do so! I honestly don't know why they do!
I guess it could be a complicated mix of trauma, genetics, and individual brain structure that could cause someone to reflexively think negative, sometimes awful, thoughts about themselves or the world around them even though such thoughts wouldn't be pleasant or in their best interests.
But that sort of thing could take years to resolve if at all, and all we got is 2000 words here. So suck it up, whiners, and learn to meditate!
I guess it could be a complicated mix of trauma, genetics, and individual brain structure that could cause someone to reflexively think negative, sometimes awful, thoughts about themselves or the world around them even though such thoughts wouldn't be pleasant or in their best interests.
But that sort of thing could take years to resolve if at all, and all we got is 2000 words here. So suck it up, whiners, and learn to meditate!
4
Sarah, it is very likely that many negative people have experience with trauma or a. life experience. Some are simply toxic, but for many it's not a simple thing.
16
Jane Brody has written many articles for the Times. As someone who has fought, tooth and nail, to dig myself out of depression and simply cope with what my mind puts me through, I find Brody's pithy articles deeply insulting. I would give anything to escape the constant self-destruction I put myself through. But it's not that easy. I've spent so much money on better therapists than Ms. Brody to find that out.
20
Usually it's stress induced, often financially. It's easy to say "hey don't worry about it, cheer up!" When you're not in any duress and have something to fall back on. With those who have real problems, the options are more limited.
12
In the helping professions, we say, "start where the client is at" (good principle, poor grammar). People cannot change unless they fully experience where they are emotionally. There are three negative emotions - sadness, fear and anger. Once a person allows themselves to feel the pure emotion, they go through it. Then they are free to be aware of associated thoughts. Perhaps reevaluate their thoughts. You can't think your way to your own truth.
Depression, anxiety, numbness, acting out and stuck anger are ways not feeling pure emotions.
The techniques listed in this article can be easily discovered as one learns to live truthfully in the present. And truth is looking at the whole glass.
Depression, anxiety, numbness, acting out and stuck anger are ways not feeling pure emotions.
The techniques listed in this article can be easily discovered as one learns to live truthfully in the present. And truth is looking at the whole glass.
11
I'm no curmudgeon. My friends tell me I go through life with a far too Polly Anna-ish demeanor. At the same time, I am an openly critical person, often acting as a gadfly to insure that issues get looked at from all perspectives (whether I share them or not.) This article, and so many like it fail , as usual, to address the need for balance. Both positivity and negativity have their places and uses. Those who cling to or insist upon an "only positive" or "only negative" approach are often cult-like in their fervor, seeking to exclude the voices of those who don't conform to their positive or negative framework. Critique, in and of itself, is not necessarily negative. Positivity, in and of itself, is not necessarily devoid of critique. Critique can be intended positively, and positivily can be intended to negate that which it perceives to be non-positive. Neither extreme is appropriate for daily life. Just as people call for "constructive criticism" we must equally insist upon "constructive positivism."
18
So, those of us people of the self-contained variety are required to remain cheerful for those who require cues from others to maintain equilibrium?
I'll be needing some compensation for my labours.
I'll be needing some compensation for my labours.
13
Where do you get that idea that you are "required" to be cheerful for others? No one is forcing you to do anything? Or the idea that people require cues from others to feel positive? What utter nonsense!
Aside from the question of whether positive thinking works, there is a personal philosophical conundrum. Let me pose the following:
Say I have cancer and all of the statistics say that even with the best of care, there is only a 30% chance I will live more than two years. Let us then say, with great cultivation of positive thinking, my odds, according to the best research, are upped to 40%. Still less than 50-50.
Realistic thinking says I should think the glass is slightly less than half-filled. But thinking I will make it gives me a better shot at doing so.
Do I go for realistic thinking, including the good, the bad, and the ugly (while of course hoping for the best). Or do I believe that I will survive, and have faith, even if it is not the most realistic view.
Seems like a deeply personal choice (though more one of temperament than conscious decision or positive practices). For me, I'd take realism over illusion, despite the lesser odds, because I value seeing things as clearly as possible. However, I am not advocating that for anyone else.
One additional point. In this same days paper there is an article, "Why we Think We're Better Investors Than We Are." Amongst other things it points out some negative consequences of what it calls "Optimism Bias." Examples:I won't get cancer even if I smoke, I won't crash even if I am texting while driving, I know the value of my gold will skyrocket despite the naysayers.
Say I have cancer and all of the statistics say that even with the best of care, there is only a 30% chance I will live more than two years. Let us then say, with great cultivation of positive thinking, my odds, according to the best research, are upped to 40%. Still less than 50-50.
Realistic thinking says I should think the glass is slightly less than half-filled. But thinking I will make it gives me a better shot at doing so.
Do I go for realistic thinking, including the good, the bad, and the ugly (while of course hoping for the best). Or do I believe that I will survive, and have faith, even if it is not the most realistic view.
Seems like a deeply personal choice (though more one of temperament than conscious decision or positive practices). For me, I'd take realism over illusion, despite the lesser odds, because I value seeing things as clearly as possible. However, I am not advocating that for anyone else.
One additional point. In this same days paper there is an article, "Why we Think We're Better Investors Than We Are." Amongst other things it points out some negative consequences of what it calls "Optimism Bias." Examples:I won't get cancer even if I smoke, I won't crash even if I am texting while driving, I know the value of my gold will skyrocket despite the naysayers.
14
Everyone's life is finite. It's ridulous to focus on the end even if it's cancer. Life is about everything that happens between the beginning and the end. If you have 725 days of life remaining why waste them. Focus on what you can do to experience joy in your life with your remaining days . It can be as simple as drawing in a deep breath of fresh air, savorimg your morning coffee, or reading a good book. Whatever it is that you enjoy. And when the end comes you'll know you used your time wisely.
7
Just when the writer told us that she speaks to and high-fives others' children, a sudden and dreadful thought overcame me. Could I do that as a man? Kids fill me with joy and I would love to be able to randomly engage them in talk and a little banter but in reality wouldn't go two yards near them. That's just one example of the insidious negativity the wise new world has filled into so many men. Sadness is not just about oneself
17
@Bhawesh: I actually went back to see if the author was a man or a woman when I read about the kids. I'm a woman and I can see myself doing such a thing. But I feel sorry for men - because they are definitely at a disadvantage when interacting with children who are not known to them.
8
Maybe, but I will NEVER take a chance. People readily believe whatever they want and fire bomb your home shortly thereafter.
Let someone else high five kids. Highly recommend all men stay as far away from kids as reasonably possible.
Paranoid? Probably. But ask the guy who owns Planet Ping Pong. Evil people will create terrible lies and Alex Jones will give them air time.
Let someone else high five kids. Highly recommend all men stay as far away from kids as reasonably possible.
Paranoid? Probably. But ask the guy who owns Planet Ping Pong. Evil people will create terrible lies and Alex Jones will give them air time.
4
Bhawesh... a sad but realistic concern... :-(
5
Sleep with a dog, a real dog, preferably one that is not too big.
Stoke him or her for a few seconds before before even opening your eyes.
Then look at him.
It is impossible to ignore his joy and optimism at just being with you at the beginning of a wonderful, joyous day in your company.
(Check tail for reassurance.)
Stoke him or her for a few seconds before before even opening your eyes.
Then look at him.
It is impossible to ignore his joy and optimism at just being with you at the beginning of a wonderful, joyous day in your company.
(Check tail for reassurance.)
145
Susan, agreed but mine purrs
23
Best advice here!
Animals (and birds) make you laugh every single day. Even if you can't have a pet, start a relationship with someone from a different species. Feed the birds. Get to know them.
There's a reason why we read stories of people in prison who save crumbs from their meager portion to feed to a mouse or a bird.
Animals (and birds) make you laugh every single day. Even if you can't have a pet, start a relationship with someone from a different species. Feed the birds. Get to know them.
There's a reason why we read stories of people in prison who save crumbs from their meager portion to feed to a mouse or a bird.
1
Also works with a cat!
1
We are only given two choices: half full (positivist), half empty (negativist). But there is a third. It's just a half a glass (realist). It's always good to have options.
23
The glass is also refillable!
18
Evokes thoughts of my Mother's positivity.
She stood by my Father during years
of his lung cancer until he succumbed.
When she was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian
cancer (at age 75), she fought back and survived
for 8 years. She moved ahead saying, "put one foot
in front of the other".... She never stopped
smiling, she volunteered at hospitals, pursued painting.
Her suffering at the end was so terrible but she faced
it with incredible grace. Her memory is an inspiration.
Most of us have seen difficult times and it is always
helpful to be reminded of how to be positive.
(P.S. Dogs really do help!)
She stood by my Father during years
of his lung cancer until he succumbed.
When she was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian
cancer (at age 75), she fought back and survived
for 8 years. She moved ahead saying, "put one foot
in front of the other".... She never stopped
smiling, she volunteered at hospitals, pursued painting.
Her suffering at the end was so terrible but she faced
it with incredible grace. Her memory is an inspiration.
Most of us have seen difficult times and it is always
helpful to be reminded of how to be positive.
(P.S. Dogs really do help!)
13
My daughter and I have a thing for smiling strangers. When she jogs and when I bike we always look for opportunities to exchange smiles with strangers. It's like a shot of adrenalin. I feel the pleasure through my whole body.
15
My last comment was denied (probably too negative). However, I am heartened for once by all the negative feedback this positivist movement is starting to generate. After all, if you are someone who thinks things are just fine, you are not paying attention. We need negative creeps more than ever because we are the only ones not fooled. America has become such a hateful place to be that it would be unnatural if you hate it. And the only people who don't are Stepford Wives or other Lobotomy cases who are on anti-Depressants. Forget Anti Depressants and GET ANGRY that every aspect of life has been hijacked. Can't afford to fix potholes, but we can triple military spending and cut taxes. Gimme a break!
32
One can be on anti-depressants and still be angry about what's happening in our society. For some, it's the anti-depressants that give them the energy to resist our current government and corporate hegemony.
1
Try to find something to belly laugh about at least once a day.
9
Funny thing how bringing up "mindfulness" always goes to the hardest thing to do: Meditation. A simpler version is to start by simply noticing the world around you. Note the 'feeling' in a room, on the bus, on the subway. Really notice the people around you, whether in a line up, in an elevator, or in a meeting. See the sky, notice the shadows, smell the air. Just find little ways to get your thoughts on where you are now, and not on the little troubles rambling in your head.
38
Where do we sign up the Republican Party for these lessons in cultivating compassion? Seems to me as if most of them need a good, healthy dose of empathy and compassion, with a sprinkling of positive thoughts toward others on top.
72
The Democrats, in their current bilious "hater" guise, need the compassion and empathy lesson more so than do the Republicans.
Waking up is a very good thing. Stop knee-jerking (unless you are genuflecting in church.)
The Good Liberal boilerplate is so yesterday.
Waking up is a very good thing. Stop knee-jerking (unless you are genuflecting in church.)
The Good Liberal boilerplate is so yesterday.
Two things I would like to emphasize for your readers. Each time we travel outside the US to poor parts of Asia, we cannot buy help appreciate the fact that a majority of people in this world live with very little and are happy with very little. People at subsistence level cannot even comprehend why people in America feel sad and discontent.
Secondly now that you mention the work of Richie Davidson and his colleagues please know that they are privy to the kind of information and knowledge that ordinary folks on the western world have just no idea about. Forget the benefits of meditating for a second, put it aside and open your eyes to ancient Hindu and Buddhist cosmology. It is mind blowing that these ancients had no "scientific" instruments to measure space and time, yet they were aware of the entire cosmology, the multiverses, the realms of existence, the exquisite and exotic possibilities of our consciousness.
If and when people in the west become aware of this cosmology which is not a secret, it is very well known, not a single person will feel sad. If they so feel sad it will be fleeting sadness because once you become aware of the fantastic opportunity of being born a human, you will feel the honor and not waste a single second of human life on this realm.
Secondly now that you mention the work of Richie Davidson and his colleagues please know that they are privy to the kind of information and knowledge that ordinary folks on the western world have just no idea about. Forget the benefits of meditating for a second, put it aside and open your eyes to ancient Hindu and Buddhist cosmology. It is mind blowing that these ancients had no "scientific" instruments to measure space and time, yet they were aware of the entire cosmology, the multiverses, the realms of existence, the exquisite and exotic possibilities of our consciousness.
If and when people in the west become aware of this cosmology which is not a secret, it is very well known, not a single person will feel sad. If they so feel sad it will be fleeting sadness because once you become aware of the fantastic opportunity of being born a human, you will feel the honor and not waste a single second of human life on this realm.
12
Yes and the happy, poor natives are always trying to immigrate here too.
2
"People at subsistence level"--is that what you'd call many of the increasing number of homeless people in the US?
1
This article doesn't point out that some negative thinking is productive. Only by recognizing negative aspects in our lives can we improve our lives, create new inventions, solve problems in our society, and bond with others over the inevitable suffering that comes with living. Not every "glass half empty" should be turned into a "glass half full". I also completely agree with what others have said: there's too much focus in American society on having a positive outlook. Chronically viewing the glass as half-full has its pitfalls too.
33
That's true, but since our natural tendency is to see the glass as being half empty, I think that it is wise to counterbalance that natural tendency by making an effort to see it as being half full.
We are always given just two choices, either the glass is half full (positivist) or half empty (negativist), but there is a third - and for me it is the only one - it's just a half a glass (realist).
"The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those who haven't got it." - George Bernard Shaw
162
Good to know that I already do one thing on this list naturally--I try to appreciate the world around me. Even when I'm at my lowest or most stressed out, I tell myself to pay attention to the tiny details of things I see and hear and smell. I live in Chinatown, so there's a plethora of things that swirl around that are odd and interesting to notice. And I sometimes just look up at the skyline in Midtown or Downtown and stare in awe, at the fact that people built this.
Sometimes I fear I look like a buffoon or a simpleton to some of the passersby as I gawk upwards in delight. But I don't care. This city still thrills me with its sights.
I've also done what the author describes--reveling in the architectural details of some random neighborhood or another. In fact, one time, when I had a free Saturday to myself I just decided to strike out and walk to see the architectural details of the few blocks north of Washington Square Park. Nothing else was planned. It was lovely.
What I do have problems with, though, is doing good things for other people. I've tried to remedy this by becoming a mentor to an inner-city kid at a failing high school. That has brought me unexpected boosts of energy and has replenished my natural optimism about people.
And I ruminate too much in my past problems, sometimes to the point where it's paralyzing--I tend to immerse myself in frivolous activities to avoid problems. Which is not good. Maybe I should consider insight meditation.
Sometimes I fear I look like a buffoon or a simpleton to some of the passersby as I gawk upwards in delight. But I don't care. This city still thrills me with its sights.
I've also done what the author describes--reveling in the architectural details of some random neighborhood or another. In fact, one time, when I had a free Saturday to myself I just decided to strike out and walk to see the architectural details of the few blocks north of Washington Square Park. Nothing else was planned. It was lovely.
What I do have problems with, though, is doing good things for other people. I've tried to remedy this by becoming a mentor to an inner-city kid at a failing high school. That has brought me unexpected boosts of energy and has replenished my natural optimism about people.
And I ruminate too much in my past problems, sometimes to the point where it's paralyzing--I tend to immerse myself in frivolous activities to avoid problems. Which is not good. Maybe I should consider insight meditation.
15
Luboman411,
A happy thing is to live in New York City. I did, for ten years, and have missed it ever since. But, L.A. is good, too.
You sound like a really good guy.
A happy thing is to live in New York City. I did, for ten years, and have missed it ever since. But, L.A. is good, too.
You sound like a really good guy.
2
Get a dog, and appreciate their wonderful silliness, id-centered life. Just watching mine makes me smile.
41
Believe it or not, you can adore your pets and still view the world in an extremely negative light.
11
Just placing the side of my face next to my boxer girls' faces while my arms are around them, makes my heart happy! For the few seconds I do this daily, the stress dissipates!
It is also important to accept negative situations for what they are. If you're having one of those days where it seems nothing can go right - that's okay. You don't need to tell yourself it's a good day when it's not. Instead, tell yourself it will get better... and then go make it better! Take 5 minutes to play that phone game you like or grab a cookie to eat after your lunch. The power of happiness lies in your hands, awaiting your action.
14
I'm sure we all take stock of what has occurred during the day. If you have been looking for a job and can't find one, given how this country views unemployed people, it's hard to feel positive about things in your life. Yes, we can be thankful for our families under many circumstances. We can be grateful for our health. But it's having a job that pays the bills, allows us to live in a decent apartment or house (if it's affordable), lets us partake of various events that makes a difference. Our society murders self esteem for people who cannot find a job, need any sort of government assistance, or are not conforming to our rigid norms. (I say this as someone who has been on the outside for most of my life.)
Being positive has its limits. I've been unemployed in the past and it's difficult to feel anything positive when your resume is ignored, when no one calls for an interview, when your unemployment runs out but the bills are still due. I can marvel over the birds all I want but that won't pay the bills. I can be thankful for my health but it doesn't get me a job. That's reality and sometimes it justifies being negative, especially when you aren't getting what you need.
Being positive has its limits. I've been unemployed in the past and it's difficult to feel anything positive when your resume is ignored, when no one calls for an interview, when your unemployment runs out but the bills are still due. I can marvel over the birds all I want but that won't pay the bills. I can be thankful for my health but it doesn't get me a job. That's reality and sometimes it justifies being negative, especially when you aren't getting what you need.
149
I wish I could meet you and talk one on one.
People aren't honest with job seekers. Even Robert Greene is a welcome antidote to this stuff.
People aren't honest with job seekers. Even Robert Greene is a welcome antidote to this stuff.
1
And yet, often when I ask a person with very few resources "How are you?", I have heard the answer, "Can't complain!". Something that I myself with my many privileges usually cannot muster.
Being negative won't pay your bills or help you find employment either.
Take a quantum leap past feel-good pop psychology by realizing that thought itself is the problem and that it is possible to live in complete freedom with a mind in which thought knows its place:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKoTBgZIIXY
2
I recommend the book "Stand Firm, resisting the self-improvement craze", as an alternative perspective.
23
I'm unhappy with and overly-immersed in daily political news. So are most of my friends. I'm personally doing well, but am worried about others less fortunate.
I believe the best, most positive response to whatever happens is to become more involved, help others less fortunate whenever and however I can. That might include just being a good listener, a sounding board to absorb and offer comfort to their fears and struggles. To allow them the dignity to vent, be angry and negative.
I believe the best, most positive response to whatever happens is to become more involved, help others less fortunate whenever and however I can. That might include just being a good listener, a sounding board to absorb and offer comfort to their fears and struggles. To allow them the dignity to vent, be angry and negative.
16
The two articles,reviewing and making suggestions about how
to more effectively, actively, overcome “negative” feelings in our daily
lives, as we function, cope and adapt, in good enough ways, in various
roles, in a variety of networks, systems and environments, with both our
inner and external, more social selves, may,inadvertently, be creating
unnecessary problems. For ourself and others.Seeing a glass half empty, or half full, is a semantic, binary, a misperception, however we sense our
experienced and interpreted metaphoric image. Rarely, if ever, do we
actually measure-the-metaphor. For all sorts of reasons; known and unknown ones.We don't permit our selves to sense, in some way, levels, that we have the abilities necessary to actually reality test and learn to discern existing continua.There are missing, interacting, hues contrasts, levels, qualities, amongst other to-be-seen dimensions, within our
either/or self- constructed image.Ranges and diversities.Each of us is
more than a unidimensional, static: who I am and who I am not,
throughout our life cycle. With its daily challenges. And gifted-
opportunities. Expected and unexpected ones.And whatever “half”
we see, we too easily may take for granted that we have a glass
with some water. So many people, here, there, everywhere, don't have either. Metaphoric and actual ones! We might also consider that there are more attributed characteristics than - or in our lives to live with.
to more effectively, actively, overcome “negative” feelings in our daily
lives, as we function, cope and adapt, in good enough ways, in various
roles, in a variety of networks, systems and environments, with both our
inner and external, more social selves, may,inadvertently, be creating
unnecessary problems. For ourself and others.Seeing a glass half empty, or half full, is a semantic, binary, a misperception, however we sense our
experienced and interpreted metaphoric image. Rarely, if ever, do we
actually measure-the-metaphor. For all sorts of reasons; known and unknown ones.We don't permit our selves to sense, in some way, levels, that we have the abilities necessary to actually reality test and learn to discern existing continua.There are missing, interacting, hues contrasts, levels, qualities, amongst other to-be-seen dimensions, within our
either/or self- constructed image.Ranges and diversities.Each of us is
more than a unidimensional, static: who I am and who I am not,
throughout our life cycle. With its daily challenges. And gifted-
opportunities. Expected and unexpected ones.And whatever “half”
we see, we too easily may take for granted that we have a glass
with some water. So many people, here, there, everywhere, don't have either. Metaphoric and actual ones! We might also consider that there are more attributed characteristics than - or in our lives to live with.
2
Bah Humbug!
Positive, negative, it's all relative
- and I dislike most of my relatives.
Living in the here and now is fine
- if you have a death wish.
If you simply accept your flaws
- you will never improve or progress.
As for life giving me lemons:
I say forget the sweet lemonade,
(no matter whether the glass is half full or half empty).
Just hurl those darn lemons back at that rascal
- and make them well aimed!
Seeking to capture "the positive"
is like seeking to capture happiness.
It just ain't gonna happen.
My motto is simply this:
be strong and don't deceive yourself.
Positive, negative, it's all relative
- and I dislike most of my relatives.
Living in the here and now is fine
- if you have a death wish.
If you simply accept your flaws
- you will never improve or progress.
As for life giving me lemons:
I say forget the sweet lemonade,
(no matter whether the glass is half full or half empty).
Just hurl those darn lemons back at that rascal
- and make them well aimed!
Seeking to capture "the positive"
is like seeking to capture happiness.
It just ain't gonna happen.
My motto is simply this:
be strong and don't deceive yourself.
14
How about turning people in thinkers - period? That would be a good start.
It would also be good to stop writing flotsam about positive thinking (see Ehrenreich's "Bright-Sided" for more details).
It would also be good to stop writing flotsam about positive thinking (see Ehrenreich's "Bright-Sided" for more details).
12
I'm generally a pretty happy person. But on those occasions when I'm not feeling like my optimistic self, I watch puppy videos on U tube. If that doesn't do the trick, then a quick viewing of Elizabeth Warren taking down those greedy Wall Street bankers and those pesky Republicans during senate committee hearings is all it takes to get me out of a persistent funk.
84
Watching the movie Napleon Dynamite helped me through the overwhelming stress of a new job a few years ago. I decided I needed to feel better so I did something to feel better. Did it work? Heck, yeah, it did!
Agree, especially the Elizabeth Warren part.
2
People who are trying to be more positive tend to come across as fake.
Mantra practice also helps. Mantra frees the mind from the mind. Like insight meditation, it takes the meditator beyond rumination and to a state of peace. In relaxing deeply, the meditator experiences oneness with all things. While insight meditation has profound benefits, sometimes the mind is too active to watch its thoughts, to active to observe without trauma.
Mantra meditation is different. In the cadence of the mantra, in the repetition of the sounds, the mind is moved away from thought. Like a restless child on a rainy day, mantra meditation is the surprise gift given by the mother to soothe the child. The child forgets the rain. The child forgets loneliness. The child forgets external conditions and plays and in playing, the child is freed from suffering.
Mantra meditation is different. In the cadence of the mantra, in the repetition of the sounds, the mind is moved away from thought. Like a restless child on a rainy day, mantra meditation is the surprise gift given by the mother to soothe the child. The child forgets the rain. The child forgets loneliness. The child forgets external conditions and plays and in playing, the child is freed from suffering.
11
If you look at the Bio of one of our greatest writers Mark Twain, you can see that as we age even the most positive and inspiring individuals can lapse into depression and lose one's faith in God. Twain, who was so lively, and constantly creative in finding ways to inspire others became the exact opposite. Cantankerous, crotchety, miserable, and seemingly unfulfilled despite his accomplishments. There's a lot more going on here that cognitive affirmations cannot erase. And unlike today I doubt if he had any access to meds to aid his downward spiral.
11
I agree that it is very hard to be or remain positive when one is sick, when our body hurts. I believe this is what happened to Twain. But we should at least try!
2
"Life is a meaningless nightmare of suffering, and it's all over too soon" - Woody Allen
25
Or, "Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone."
John Cougar Mellencamp, Jack & Diane
John Cougar Mellencamp, Jack & Diane
5
There are believe it or not, overly optimistic people avoided by negative people. Some people are NOT people persons. They are not out to please anyone. They are intoverted, and there is really nothing wrong with that. It takes all kinds and variety is the spice of life as opposites attract. It shows up early in kindergarten and daycare classes. It is hereditary. So avoiding one or the other can be considered almost racist. It is just wrong to judge and set yourself as being better than them. IMHO
17
You can be a "people" person without being compelled to please everyone.
A person whose goal is to "please everyone" seems inauthentic to me, somewhat untrustworthy. My idea of a "people" person is an authentic human being who is compassionate & unselfish.
A person whose goal is to "please everyone" seems inauthentic to me, somewhat untrustworthy. My idea of a "people" person is an authentic human being who is compassionate & unselfish.
9
Positive vs negative and introvert vs extrovert are not mutually exclusive.
My daughter is a positive introvert. She has an overall positive view of things, but she likes to keep to herself and a few, chosen friends. I am, I think, a positive extrovert. I will talk with (almost) anyone. I do try to stay away from negative people, though.
My daughter is a positive introvert. She has an overall positive view of things, but she likes to keep to herself and a few, chosen friends. I am, I think, a positive extrovert. I will talk with (almost) anyone. I do try to stay away from negative people, though.
In addition to MT's comment, I'd like to add that introversion and positivity are not mutually exclusive. And comparing the avoidance of negative or positive thinkers to racism is just plain offensive.
3
As a long-term practitioner of yoga and meditation (and, luckily, by-nature a positive but realistic person,) I've been struck by something over a couple of decades: pretty much all the people I've met at yoga classes, meditation sessions etc. are also naturally positive, even if they happen to be struggling with difficult medical, personal or work problems at the time.
The question really is not whether negative people can be transformed to be positive through yoga/meditation/etc. (they can), but how do you get a negative person to attend the sessions? The people who need it the most, who could benefit the most, simply don't believe in "that crap!"
If only the angriest, loudest, meanest, most negative people (few percent of the world population) diligently practiced yoga/meditation the world would be a calmer, healthier and more peaceful place - and the rest of us could just live our lives.
Anybody who solves this puzzle deserves a Nobel Peace Prize!
The question really is not whether negative people can be transformed to be positive through yoga/meditation/etc. (they can), but how do you get a negative person to attend the sessions? The people who need it the most, who could benefit the most, simply don't believe in "that crap!"
If only the angriest, loudest, meanest, most negative people (few percent of the world population) diligently practiced yoga/meditation the world would be a calmer, healthier and more peaceful place - and the rest of us could just live our lives.
Anybody who solves this puzzle deserves a Nobel Peace Prize!
5
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/09/dont-think-positively...
There are also benefits to pessimism--sometimes imagining the worst case scenario prepares one for difficulty and allows realistic planning. And, sometimes our lives can take a tailspin.
Frederickson's positive psychology can be a bit over the top, and frankly off-putting. I must confess that her free class offered through Coursera somewhat grated on me. Some of those who wholeheartedly believe in the ability to engage in practices promoting positivity can exaggerate the malleability of all people, leading to a type of "blaming the victim" who, after all, would have had better outcomes if she had just tried harder to be optimistic/grateful/positive...
Reminds me of some of the folks who tout themselves as always eating healthfully, exercising, and keeping the pounds in check. They think illness will never come their way. Guess what? Not so. Tragedy strikes also, or our children have problems and take missteps. Is this because we failed to teach them positive psychology? Or provided them too negative a role model?
Mind you, my coworkers and some of my friends consider me positive and I do try to make the workplace pleasant. But my family knows the other side--that I often see the glass as half empty. The cliche about life giving us lemons and making lemonade goes only so far. Sometimes life gives us lemons and all we can do is drink the unsweetened juice.
There are also benefits to pessimism--sometimes imagining the worst case scenario prepares one for difficulty and allows realistic planning. And, sometimes our lives can take a tailspin.
Frederickson's positive psychology can be a bit over the top, and frankly off-putting. I must confess that her free class offered through Coursera somewhat grated on me. Some of those who wholeheartedly believe in the ability to engage in practices promoting positivity can exaggerate the malleability of all people, leading to a type of "blaming the victim" who, after all, would have had better outcomes if she had just tried harder to be optimistic/grateful/positive...
Reminds me of some of the folks who tout themselves as always eating healthfully, exercising, and keeping the pounds in check. They think illness will never come their way. Guess what? Not so. Tragedy strikes also, or our children have problems and take missteps. Is this because we failed to teach them positive psychology? Or provided them too negative a role model?
Mind you, my coworkers and some of my friends consider me positive and I do try to make the workplace pleasant. But my family knows the other side--that I often see the glass as half empty. The cliche about life giving us lemons and making lemonade goes only so far. Sometimes life gives us lemons and all we can do is drink the unsweetened juice.
21
As an older woman with a married child and grandchildren living abroad, I could wallow in self pity when thinking about lost relationships as time goes on. I have had to pull myself up from the sadness that overtakes me on occasion by trying to be positive and do things that make me feel fulfilled. Searching for happiness in various friendships, hobbies, and outdoor pursuits has definitely taken my mind off the negative thoughts that crowd my mind. It has taken effort, and will be a lifelong endeavor.
175
How feasible would it be to pack a bag and visit your family abroad?
You are sad because your adult child isn't around? I know lots of people who are sad because their adult child hasn't moved out of their lives. There could be a service to connect you with others’ adult children. But to be sad and lonely because particular individuals aren't physically available to you seems pretty entitled. Think, refugee families, families separated because of ... nevermind, you are sad because your loved ones aren't around, and I'm sorry that makes you sad. Try loving some other people. And don't confuse sadness with clinical depression.
And yet, every moment we are closer to death. Meditate on that for a while . . . .
45
And that is one of the main points of the article & being mindful. If u choose negativity then u will live in those thoughts. Choose to focus on the good & u will be happier. That doesn't mean bad things don't happen. Just as focusing on what's bad doesn't mean that good doesn't happen either.
Those of us that have survived childhood sexual abuse, the early death of loved ones, family members who have been murdered, near death illness and financial hardships can choose your path & crumble or choose our positive path & thrive.
Those of us that have survived childhood sexual abuse, the early death of loved ones, family members who have been murdered, near death illness and financial hardships can choose your path & crumble or choose our positive path & thrive.
If you are aware you are going to die, why worry about it? Enjoy the life you have. Enjoy the time you have. And if you find yourself unable to do either or both, make changes on your life that can make that happen.
Sending good vibes your way.
Sending good vibes your way.
2
Live a good life and you won't mind dying when the time comes. It's not the end of the world, just you.
6
I've long studied and practised positive thinking since reading self-development and human potential books and attending such courses as a young person.
But then again - an ex-GF once suggested it's too easy to be positive if you've grown up middle class and never really suffered poverty, deprivation, serious abuse and humiliation.
This video suggests negativity may be an expression of pain and suffering from traumatic events - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qjy-ydl9QE
But then again - an ex-GF once suggested it's too easy to be positive if you've grown up middle class and never really suffered poverty, deprivation, serious abuse and humiliation.
This video suggests negativity may be an expression of pain and suffering from traumatic events - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Qjy-ydl9QE
17
Having had lifelong major depressive disorder, I was hoping for some tips toward making my daily life more bearable. But actually these are the same old cliches one has heard before that don't provide anything you can work with--"all sizzle, no steak", as the saying goes. I'm sort of surprised he didn't include "THINK yourself happier!" Doug & Debbie Downer--as a previous commenter named them--may not be able to help their outlooks. Our brains are actually physically different than your average optimist, & that is a very difficult, if not impossible, thing to overcome. And avoiding them may make it worse--"See, I knew nobody liked me. I'm worthless!" So try to have a little compassion & smile at everyone. You may never know whose life you saved today.
154
I'm going to have to disagree with your ascertain. I was a negative person for many years, letting negative people get me down and letting what people did that had nothing to do with me bother me. But I made the decision to make myself a better person, and for the most part it has worked. If it hasn't worked for you, maybe you weren't really trying. Regardless, sending good vibes your way.
Well said. For people with clinical depression, the article's suggestions ring hollow.
16
Intention indeed has a lot to do with it. Summoning that when you are in a black hole another matter. Impermanence pretty well guarantees no state of mind will persist. Sadly this does not apply to those who are enmeshed in thought processes driven by organic imbalances.
We all know how it feels when the brain "ain't runnin' right" and we are blessed if these states are only intermittent.
We all know how it feels when the brain "ain't runnin' right" and we are blessed if these states are only intermittent.
2
The amygdala is involved in many strong emotions and behavioral responses to those emotions, but it is not a unitary nucleus in the brain with unidirectional function. In other words, activation or inhibition of the various nuclei within the amygdala will increase or decrease the probability of experiencing or acting upon a strong or negative emotion. The amygdala and all the emotions it regulates are there for a reason: survival!
It is simplistic and erroneous to equate overall amygdala function with overall mental positivity or health. It is simplistic to tell people who may naturally be more pessimistic than average that they are wrong to be that way or that they should engage in various feel good activities in order to be better.
Believe it or not, some of us are irritated by the Pollyannas running around telling us how wonderful everything is and how we would be "happier" if we less "negative." Maybe we like feeling that way and what would make us feel even better would be if other people stopped telling us there was something wrong that we need to fix. Maybe more acceptance of being how we are would help as much as learning a new language.
It is simplistic and erroneous to equate overall amygdala function with overall mental positivity or health. It is simplistic to tell people who may naturally be more pessimistic than average that they are wrong to be that way or that they should engage in various feel good activities in order to be better.
Believe it or not, some of us are irritated by the Pollyannas running around telling us how wonderful everything is and how we would be "happier" if we less "negative." Maybe we like feeling that way and what would make us feel even better would be if other people stopped telling us there was something wrong that we need to fix. Maybe more acceptance of being how we are would help as much as learning a new language.
190
I completely agree. There's nothing worse than being depressed or sad and having someone tell you that your feelings are "wrong." I am not a chronic complainer or curmudgeon, just an introvert with bouts of depression for which I receive professional help. I will take a compassionate person over an overbearing one any time, regardless of their outlook on life.
47
I know one such Pollyanna who is always bubbly, smiling, happy. She is beautiful, intelligent, smart, came from a wealthy family, is single young and beautiful. She is a teacher who loves her job, and tries to be an inspiration to all the Gloomy Guss types. She makes me sick. LOL
3
Thanks MEM. I once had a shrink who said "you know you are perfectly rational, the world does really suck bigtime and being depressed about it is just common sense". That really cheered me up - instead of making silly claims to how beautiful it all is a bit of healthy skepticism is warranted.
19
I avoid negative people. That's my device for coping with them...There is also the variant of of negative people who are masters at projecting their negativity onto others. There is a trick to it. And iut takes years to master and is usually related to some form of abuse experienced in childhood. But try and talk to a negative projecting person about it and you'll be met with a brick wall....as if to say, " me...never".
Now some people confuse negativity with having a dark and dry sense of humor and a quick wit. These people are like fine wine. They have to be appreciated. Their humor may not be for you..but they are funny to many. It's usually people without a sense of humor who label then negative.
I came from a family of very funny people...realistic about the world, and the people in it but humor was the tonic that allowed us to appreciate the dreadfully mundane moments of life, and the idiots and imbeciles we encountered along the way.
My children are both highly accomplished processionals, and funny as hell, so it, like negativity, is contagious.
Now some people confuse negativity with having a dark and dry sense of humor and a quick wit. These people are like fine wine. They have to be appreciated. Their humor may not be for you..but they are funny to many. It's usually people without a sense of humor who label then negative.
I came from a family of very funny people...realistic about the world, and the people in it but humor was the tonic that allowed us to appreciate the dreadfully mundane moments of life, and the idiots and imbeciles we encountered along the way.
My children are both highly accomplished processionals, and funny as hell, so it, like negativity, is contagious.
35
Avoiding negative people entirely is not particularly realistic. There are plenty of Eeyores in the world who contribute to and benefit from friendships despite their lack of a sunny attitude. Maybe they are especially reliable, creative or caring. Optimism is a nice trait to cultivate, but it is by no means the only valuable or essential characteristic for a fulfilling life.
161
good points from both Harley and Jean Marie- I spend my personal life among funny, honest people, animals, nature, and books but my professional life among a number o humorless folk and bosses that demand "buy-in" ("take this risk on my behalf") and suppress any questioning. Life is like "The Office" or "MASH"; find friends and , in the words of Elvis Costello-"try to be amused."
13
Yes. I was married to an optimist who accomplished nothing. She was always into the next shiny thing that promised positive benefits and feelings of happiness. Sales and Marketing. If the campaign does't work, ditch it and look forward to the positive in new things. If the marriage doesn't work, ditch it and think positive thoughts of your future.
True happiness (fulfillment) comes from fighting for a goal regardless of the negative feelings.
True happiness (fulfillment) comes from fighting for a goal regardless of the negative feelings.
4
To quote Dorothy Parker's "Constant Reader" review of "Winnie the Pooh:" "Tonstant Weader fwowed up."
11
All well and good...but doesn't the Doug and Debbie Downer have to know they are...? And care about it? You cant drag people into a meditation session, or a put on a happy face seminar. There typically has to be something serious at stake for the person to make the effort.
The parents mentioned at the beginning of this article ain't likely to go sit still and learn a mantra. Whats at stake for them to change now?
Children of downer-parents have to learn how to cope with it on their own. Took me some time, but I did.
The parents mentioned at the beginning of this article ain't likely to go sit still and learn a mantra. Whats at stake for them to change now?
Children of downer-parents have to learn how to cope with it on their own. Took me some time, but I did.
6
Lucky Jane Brody. She's affluent and successful. No wonder she's got smiles to spare for children and hugs to go around. Has she read the recent article in this paper about increasing "deaths of despair" among people with declining job prospects? https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2017/03/23/us/politics/ap-us-white-work... Can meditation and a positive attitude replace the self-worth and security for these people that loss of their livelihoods and subsequent collapse of their families and communities has caused? The kumbiyah approach may still have merit to it but today it seems a little smug and facile.
474
I will admit to having a similar reaction to yours. When your job prospects are not good and you can easily foresee outliving your assets (a position I find myself in) it's hard to have a positive outlook. But still, I do try to find small things that make me happy if only to keep me from jumping off the nearest bridge. Meditation is a wonderful tool that helps - your problems still exist but they are less suffocating. Not sure what will happen when I'm down to my last dime. Meditation only works so well!
66
I don't dispute that it's probably harder to see the positives in life when circumstances are dire. On the other hand, I don't think it necessarily follows that having a steady job and healthy family automatically gives you a happy life. "Poor people should find ways to be happy" and "rich people should be more appreciative of how good they have it" are both pretty trite.
23
@Deborah: the NYT and it's staff are entirely cut off from the life experiences and reality of most people in the US -- they speak directly to (and only understand) the top 4% of all Americans, the wealthiest and most educated, the most privileged and successful -- in their base, which is the largest and wealthiest and most expensive city in the USA....a city which has systematically excluded and driven out virtually the entire middle and working class from its borders.
It's why someone as affluent and privileged as Ms. Brody can express this hippie-dippie nonsense, with trite stuff such as "if life hands you lemons, make lemonade!" Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth.
Sorry, but people facing poverty and a diminished life expectancy -- people in pain from chronic illness -- people who have suffered terrible loses, death, illness, disease, job loss, poverty, divorce -- are not going to be cheered by some "lemonade" aphorism gleaned from a Hallmark greeting card.
It's why someone as affluent and privileged as Ms. Brody can express this hippie-dippie nonsense, with trite stuff such as "if life hands you lemons, make lemonade!" Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth.
Sorry, but people facing poverty and a diminished life expectancy -- people in pain from chronic illness -- people who have suffered terrible loses, death, illness, disease, job loss, poverty, divorce -- are not going to be cheered by some "lemonade" aphorism gleaned from a Hallmark greeting card.
13
A wise man once said:
1. Start off everyday off with a smile and get it over with.
2. Life is full of misery loneliness, and suffering-and it's all over much too soon.
1. Start off everyday off with a smile and get it over with.
2. Life is full of misery loneliness, and suffering-and it's all over much too soon.
43
So my take on the phrase --"when life hands you lemons, make limoncello!
This article was a good pick-me-up after a few particularly rough days.
Thanks.
This article was a good pick-me-up after a few particularly rough days.
Thanks.
9
We are victims of evolution. Because those who anticipated bad events were able to prepare for them, they had survival advantages--the cost of preparing for a bad event that doesn't occur is less than the cost of not preparing for one that does.
So we have a tendency to expect negative outcomes, even when such outcomes are relatively unlikely. What we need is not 'positive' thinking, but a means of becoming more realistic--the ability to weigh risks rationally. That, fortunately, has the consequence of making us more optimistic.
And being optimistic allows us to see opportunities that more negative people might not see.
So we have a tendency to expect negative outcomes, even when such outcomes are relatively unlikely. What we need is not 'positive' thinking, but a means of becoming more realistic--the ability to weigh risks rationally. That, fortunately, has the consequence of making us more optimistic.
And being optimistic allows us to see opportunities that more negative people might not see.
51
'being optimistic allows us to see opportunities that more negative people might not see'
good point - yes I agree - a depressed person, slow to react, may watch an opportunity pass by but be too slow to respond or say 'probably wouldn't work' - an optimistic person may grab it 'I'd like to try that!' before it disappears !
One of my aunts set a fine example 'just say YES !' - much more fun to be had that way.
good point - yes I agree - a depressed person, slow to react, may watch an opportunity pass by but be too slow to respond or say 'probably wouldn't work' - an optimistic person may grab it 'I'd like to try that!' before it disappears !
One of my aunts set a fine example 'just say YES !' - much more fun to be had that way.
8
Interesting point. We're a social animal that lives in groups. Perhaps evolution has selected for a distribution of traits among the group. A mixed group with both optimistic risk-takers and pessimistic individuals may be better able to survive in the long run than a group with only one type or the other.
14
When you grow up in an environment with deeply negative thought patterns, it's hard to recognize them as harmful. To use Ms Brody's example, a person trapped in a negative mindset would see a group of toddlers as just a noisy nuisance rather than an opportunity for a fun, positive interaction. That's perfectly fine and they have a right to feel that way but perhaps they are missing out on greater opportunities to bring happiness into their life?
I was firmly in the curmudgeon camp for many years until recently when I began to realize I was only harming myself by thinking this way. For the past six months, I took some CBT sessions and found them to be helpful in recognizing negative thought patterns where my mind would immediately fly to harm and danger when something new appeared on the horizon instead of remaining open to positive outcomes. Nothing good was coming of that mindset so I chose to make some changes, many of which are the ones recommended in this article: learning something new, broadening my social circle, practicing resilience and establishing goals I can accomplish (just ran my first half marathon last week).
You have to make a choice to change, however, and be ready to put the effort in. And I doubt it would work for someone who is suffering from serious depression or anxiety as the energy required to change is considerable.
I was firmly in the curmudgeon camp for many years until recently when I began to realize I was only harming myself by thinking this way. For the past six months, I took some CBT sessions and found them to be helpful in recognizing negative thought patterns where my mind would immediately fly to harm and danger when something new appeared on the horizon instead of remaining open to positive outcomes. Nothing good was coming of that mindset so I chose to make some changes, many of which are the ones recommended in this article: learning something new, broadening my social circle, practicing resilience and establishing goals I can accomplish (just ran my first half marathon last week).
You have to make a choice to change, however, and be ready to put the effort in. And I doubt it would work for someone who is suffering from serious depression or anxiety as the energy required to change is considerable.
267
Your comment contained the most pivotal sentence of all: "I began to realize I was only harming myself by thinking this way." Despite what some of the other commenters have said, a person can be in all kinds of dire situations and yet still have a CHOICE about how to respond to it. In response to those folks, I say: If the tools provided here don't work for you, find some that do.
35
CBT! I know several people it has helped. And I am one of them.
8
You raise a very important point: "Just think more positive!" is NOT something to say to a person with depression!
It won't mean anything. They aren't in a realistic position to "just do" this - but can get there with luck and help.
It won't mean anything. They aren't in a realistic position to "just do" this - but can get there with luck and help.
2
Ms. Brody is correct in that you absolutely have to work at seeing the little things in life that make up a happy life. Just like working on a physical diet or exercise regimen, it takes concentration and willpower to produce the results you want to see. The average Debbie Downer (not somebody who is clinically depressed) has to want to see the positive in life. It's a matter of choice: Ms. Brody sees a group of toddlers enter the Y and thinks "Oh, how cute!", whereas others might see them and think, "Ugh, here come those rugrats again!"
21
"When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade."
Hate-reading this cliche-filled article actually makes me happier. Thanks, Ms. Brody!
Hate-reading this cliche-filled article actually makes me happier. Thanks, Ms. Brody!
23
@Bill: it struck me that way too. Is Ms Brody really this trite and simplistic? And is it possible her "happiness" or attitude is because she's very wealthy & privileged, able to lead a life of luxury in the most expensive city in the nation and with a cushy dream job that most people cannot even imagine having?
When life is handing you sugar-sweet oranges, and not sour bitter lemons, it is easy to talk about making "a sweet drink from squeezing fresh fruits!".
When life is handing you sugar-sweet oranges, and not sour bitter lemons, it is easy to talk about making "a sweet drink from squeezing fresh fruits!".
1
I appreciate this relatively new field of psychology as full of good intent, but perhaps we wouldn't need so much positive psychology if America were not such a brutal, winner take all society. With European/Canadian/Australian style social welfare, childcare, education and healthcare systems it would be a whole lot easier to be positive about life. Of course it's not an either/or choice, but it's important to recognize that a very large part of our suffering and worry is self inflicted through our corrupted political system.
848
'With ... Australian style social welfare, childcare, education and healthcare systems it would be a whole lot easier to be positive about life.'
agreed - here in Sydney I'm relaxed and happy - it may be raining today but it's a prefect temperature, I'm retired and enjoying every day.
Heard a snippet in our two-rival-city comparison between Sydney and Melbourne - Melbourne as liberal (means conservative in Australia) protestant, Sydney as secular - in other words, in Sydney religion is rarely mentioned, we enjoy our life, no reference to an imaginary man upstairs necessary !
agreed - here in Sydney I'm relaxed and happy - it may be raining today but it's a prefect temperature, I'm retired and enjoying every day.
Heard a snippet in our two-rival-city comparison between Sydney and Melbourne - Melbourne as liberal (means conservative in Australia) protestant, Sydney as secular - in other words, in Sydney religion is rarely mentioned, we enjoy our life, no reference to an imaginary man upstairs necessary !
6
Bingo. A lot of people today are negative imagining what's going to happen to the country and therefore them. It's very real and you are so right, if the country had their backs...people would be more positive. BUT all we see is the Republicans do not have the backs of anyone who's not in the l% bracket.
The things they're suggesting like changing Medicare and SS are sending chills thru people's spines wondering what will the country look like after they try to put these safet nets on the chopping blocks esp. when people know it's all for their Donors like the Koch Brothers who hate the Benefits program. Real lives will hang in the balance of a careless Congress and a ignorant unfeeling potus who's just looking for approval in all the wrong places while he enriches himself but uses a sword to cut thru important policies people depend on around the country.
It is depressing and I don't blame people for feeling negative right now. There's a lot of negative things happening to innocent people just trying to get by, paying their taxes but their subjected to a potus who causes chaos every day and shows no compassion to The People.
The things they're suggesting like changing Medicare and SS are sending chills thru people's spines wondering what will the country look like after they try to put these safet nets on the chopping blocks esp. when people know it's all for their Donors like the Koch Brothers who hate the Benefits program. Real lives will hang in the balance of a careless Congress and a ignorant unfeeling potus who's just looking for approval in all the wrong places while he enriches himself but uses a sword to cut thru important policies people depend on around the country.
It is depressing and I don't blame people for feeling negative right now. There's a lot of negative things happening to innocent people just trying to get by, paying their taxes but their subjected to a potus who causes chaos every day and shows no compassion to The People.
19
I used to think that if I just lived in a better city with better weather I would be happier. Old saying, "No matter where you are there YOU are." I have traveled through several of those European countries and people did seem marginally happier, but life smacks everyone in face now and again and if it smacks you enough times, even if you have all those government assists, you will eventually not be very happy.
6
It might've been helpful if Ms. Brody would've quantified exactly which behaviors are considered to be "negative." There are regional differences: I grew up mostly in downstate NY (Queens, LI), where "kvetching" was acceptable, i.e, dark humor. Some of the people I knew were pretty demonstrative, both in affection/friendliness and anger/impatience. In the early '80's I moved to OR (when a majority of people in OR were "native" Oregonians), and some of my comments were considered "negative" and the kind of more demonstrative behavior I was used to would've been seen as inappropriate. I used to joke (to myself) that NYers would complain, yell at lousy drivers, but many Oregonians would keep smiling and behaving politely until they pulled out a gun and shot whoever was bugging them.
Which is the better way of coping?
Which is a more "positive" and which a more "negative" way of behaving?
I've had some Oregonians tell me that they find NYers (people living in NYC metro area, and Nassau county) "unfriendly", while I've found NYers to be friendlier since about the mid--late 1980's.
Then there are the "problem-solvers", those who always have a solution to anyone else's problem and see any statement such as: "I tried that, it didn't work" as "negative." And never ever ask the person w/the problem what solutions he/she has tried before offering theirs.
Which is the better way of coping?
Which is a more "positive" and which a more "negative" way of behaving?
I've had some Oregonians tell me that they find NYers (people living in NYC metro area, and Nassau county) "unfriendly", while I've found NYers to be friendlier since about the mid--late 1980's.
Then there are the "problem-solvers", those who always have a solution to anyone else's problem and see any statement such as: "I tried that, it didn't work" as "negative." And never ever ask the person w/the problem what solutions he/she has tried before offering theirs.
70
As I thought the article made clear, it isn't the outward demonstration of emotion, it's the story one tells oneself that is the negative. If kvetching is a form of bonding in Queens, it leads to one feeling like they've had a positive experience. The opposite is true, too. It's the meaning placed on the experience. Be here now.
The noble tradition of kvetching with a straight face is the basis of much stand up comedy. What New Yorker doesn't know somebody who can spin negativity in to laughter by complaining hilariously about the state of the world - with a completely straight face.
1
amen. i'll complain about the tourists walking four abrest and stopping right at the top of the subway stairs, but as soon as i can see that they seem lost, i stop and point them where they need to go, in detail.
of course life isn't perfect - however, it's your REACTION to the negative things that come your way that is what can change your outlook, your mood, your life- you have to CHANGE your mind, notice beauty & you will find it-
If you realize/notice people or situations are negative, then awareness is the first step in changing that immediate habitual reinforced attitude of negativity into a more balanced, productive mind-set-
It isn't easy, however with practice, just noticing things to begin with, for example, can alter how you perceive the world.
Mindful meditation can help by reinforcing staying (positive) in the moment & not let the mind wander (to past or present conflicts or situations that are negative). BUT it takes motivation & practice; washing dishes or going for a walk can help keep you focused in the (beautiful fleeting) moment) and help dissipate negativity - it is a habit that needs cultivating.
There will always be people who LOVE to be the victim, complain to get attention/LOVE, so try to avoid relationships or situations that are negative in general & stay POSITIVE! what you focus on becomes reality...
If you realize/notice people or situations are negative, then awareness is the first step in changing that immediate habitual reinforced attitude of negativity into a more balanced, productive mind-set-
It isn't easy, however with practice, just noticing things to begin with, for example, can alter how you perceive the world.
Mindful meditation can help by reinforcing staying (positive) in the moment & not let the mind wander (to past or present conflicts or situations that are negative). BUT it takes motivation & practice; washing dishes or going for a walk can help keep you focused in the (beautiful fleeting) moment) and help dissipate negativity - it is a habit that needs cultivating.
There will always be people who LOVE to be the victim, complain to get attention/LOVE, so try to avoid relationships or situations that are negative in general & stay POSITIVE! what you focus on becomes reality...
23
Of course it also helps not to have military drones aimed at you. But I digress.
4
Based on the comments published so far (7), it appears some readers completely missed the idea that the ability to be positive etc grows / develops in large part from having a meditation practice of a particular type - compassion meditation. This article is not about just acting one's way to positivity, but actually generating it via meditation and other practices. The research is really quite strong on this - go read the results of the actual studies on PubMed, if Jane's brief representation is not enough to convince you.
113
J Grady:
Meditation, particularly Insight Meditation, and of course the Times is once again discovering a 15-year-old trend that may be on the wane -- has been hyped, not covered in a rigorous manner by journalists. It does not work for everyone, as a minority of medical researchers have tried to point out. Here's a good, critical* article from a Buddhist publication that actually is pro-meditation.
"Don’t Believe the Hype"
Neuroscientist Catherine Kerr is concerned about how mindfulness meditation research is being portrayed in the media.
https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/dont-believe-hype/
*Critical and skeptical people tend to be more negative by nature.
Meditation, particularly Insight Meditation, and of course the Times is once again discovering a 15-year-old trend that may be on the wane -- has been hyped, not covered in a rigorous manner by journalists. It does not work for everyone, as a minority of medical researchers have tried to point out. Here's a good, critical* article from a Buddhist publication that actually is pro-meditation.
"Don’t Believe the Hype"
Neuroscientist Catherine Kerr is concerned about how mindfulness meditation research is being portrayed in the media.
https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/dont-believe-hype/
*Critical and skeptical people tend to be more negative by nature.
7
As someone who has spent twenty years with a fairly regular meditation practice and taught it to others, I can tell you that the outcomes are far more diverse than the research, and this article, suggests. I'm a big fan of all the meditation research and I've seen first-hand that meditation can be helpful but at the same time, I've seen many people who continue to struggle despite their best efforts at developing a consistent meditation practice. I've known persons who either took their lives or succumbed to drug addiction, even after they'd been doing their very best to cultivate greater awareness, kindness and compassion. Meditation isn't a panacea. That shouldn't just be swept under the rug.
I realize that the purveyors of these articles mean well but they greatly over-simplify things. It's understandable that a lot of people reading this would feel irritated or enraged. I agree with one of the previous commenters (one of our Canadian friends) that the societal waters we're swimming in don't exactly make it easy to foster an attitude of constant positivity.
I realize that the purveyors of these articles mean well but they greatly over-simplify things. It's understandable that a lot of people reading this would feel irritated or enraged. I agree with one of the previous commenters (one of our Canadian friends) that the societal waters we're swimming in don't exactly make it easy to foster an attitude of constant positivity.
4
I'll remember this next time I'm unemployed and can't find a job or when a so-called friend walks away from me because I'm being too needy even though I was there for them when they were just as needy. A positive attitude can help when you have what you need. When you don't and you don't have a real chance of getting it whether it's a job, a decent place to live, a friend who cares, etc., it's very difficult to be positive about anything. And appreciating the world around us goes only so far. It doesn't put needed money in the bank or change the fact that people see you as a pain or nuisance.
229
Glad to see you commenting. Though far from you, please note your commentary always has been insightful, instructive & thought provoking for me. In my community, the recovery from the recession never occurred, in fact, there is even more unemployment than the recession. It has impacted all businesses & friends that I have. Me too. Yet the one good outcome is now I go out of my way to do something kind, to appreciate nature, to be friendly & even (gasp) to drive that way. It helps. So do your comments. Looking forward to hearing more hen3ry.
47
On a class field trip when I was about 7 years old, my class was told that a gentleman was going to play guitar for us. Out walks a man with no hands, who was awkwardly carrying a guitar. Nervous giggling ensued. He then put the guitar on the floor. I remember thinking he he must have been carrying it out for whoever would be playing guitar.
He then proceeded to play guitar with his TOES and, as far as I could tell, played well. I don't know about the rest of the class, but I was floored. He then explained to us that it was his greatest wish to play guitar and he wasn't willing to give up his dream even though teacher after teacher said they couldn't possibly teach him. That moment shaped my life more than just about any other. I really see no advantage to making excuses for myself.
He then proceeded to play guitar with his TOES and, as far as I could tell, played well. I don't know about the rest of the class, but I was floored. He then explained to us that it was his greatest wish to play guitar and he wasn't willing to give up his dream even though teacher after teacher said they couldn't possibly teach him. That moment shaped my life more than just about any other. I really see no advantage to making excuses for myself.
396
Eventually, I hope you will find the courage to move out of your comfort zone, and to a place you can afford to live, which will take away most if not all of the stressors in your life that MAKE you needy and depressing to be around. On that day, you will break the chains of depression and fly free. This big nation of ours is full of wonderful places where you can find an affordable, decent place to live and thrive -- as well as friends. You will not find this by staying put doing the "same old, same old" the rest of your life.
2
Invariably, Ms. Brody's comment is going to elicit a bunch of naysayers (I'm a curmudgeon and it works for me! This isn't realistic! What if my life IS miserable?). First, cultivating positive emotions isn't about fanciful, Pollyanna-ish thinking; it's about learning to adapt to the inevitable curve balls life throws at us. I posit that most of us ARE realists. But realism involves positive moments as well as negative moments. Negativity is no more real (or less real) than its positive counterpart.
I am hardly one to wear rose-colored glasses, but noticing the good helps keep me balanced and it helps me nurture and further my relationships with others. Being around someone who is constantly negative--complaining, feeling sorry for oneself constantly--is trying at best.
I am hardly one to wear rose-colored glasses, but noticing the good helps keep me balanced and it helps me nurture and further my relationships with others. Being around someone who is constantly negative--complaining, feeling sorry for oneself constantly--is trying at best.
365
People who have rare, and infrequent bad experiences tend to be the champions of positive thinking.
9
One movie I will always be grateful for is "Hamburger Hill" where the character Clint Eastwood plays shouts the following to the marines under his command: "Adapt, Improvise, Overcome!!"
Works for me :)))
Works for me :)))
1
Not a single mention of people who are considered (or consider themselves) to be chemically depressed and who may take anti-depressants and how thinking positively may help them or not?
21
I think that would be an interesting article on its own merits, however this article is clearly not that topic.
6
In my work with such folks, "thinking positively" just because is generally not helpful. What can be helpful is realistic appraisal; clinical depression generally walls off consideration of any evidence that does not support the depression-driven hopelessness. Realistic appraisal requires taking in all the evidence, not just the confirming, or disconfirming evidence. In addition, being able to identify anything in a day for which one can be grateful is helpful, and when there is a dearth of such, scheduling something in is important. So, in a way, "positivity" is introduced, but with some basis in reason. Related to this is a realistic appraisal of events that seem to have no evidence to suggest that they are anything other than negative. Focusing on how to deal with them (realistically) is important.
18
I am one of those folks. No- none of these techniques made any difference when I was depressed; that was an emotionally dead state.
But they are helpful for increasing resilience and enjoyment of life - in my case, once medication drove away the worst of the depression ( not once and for all, but reliably).
I wouldn't call it "thinking positively" - it's taking thoughtful steps to engage fully with life.
But they are helpful for increasing resilience and enjoyment of life - in my case, once medication drove away the worst of the depression ( not once and for all, but reliably).
I wouldn't call it "thinking positively" - it's taking thoughtful steps to engage fully with life.
10
If you looked at current conditions in our country and the entire world I think you would have to conclude that the glass is half empty. When you ,as an individual , look at your world you may conclude that for your life the glass is half full.Learning how to live with and strugle to change this contradiction must be our goal.
19
The data on friendship is correlational only, is more than a little ambiguous with regard to causation, and should be recommended on a case by case basis only.
Consider the data regarding people who give and receive hugs. When those who get off on hugs (a majority in the U.S.) engage in hugging behavior they feel better. But that overlooks that a significant subpopulation doesn't get off on hugs and is repelled by them (considering hugs to be too close, and too presumptuous). Introverts, similarly, or those who are considerably smarter than average, or have richly developed knowledge of idiosyncratic fields of interest (geeks), from having divergent interests and desires, find that most social interactions are more stressful than uplifting.
Such cases illustrate third-cause issues. In current society where social media puts relentless pressure on people to be more sociable, and in the on-line high-tech formats promoted, the pressure to be more social causes the non-social to be more depressed, explaining the statistics as well as the hypothesis that more engagement with friends causes more positive feelings. (Note that without that pressure and recommendation, introverts and the like are more satisfied, resulting in less strong correlations).
The upshot: If friendships float your boat, go for it. But in general, finding what gives a person a rise must be tailored to that person. Statistical generalities only work for those whose psychologies mirror the average Jane.
Consider the data regarding people who give and receive hugs. When those who get off on hugs (a majority in the U.S.) engage in hugging behavior they feel better. But that overlooks that a significant subpopulation doesn't get off on hugs and is repelled by them (considering hugs to be too close, and too presumptuous). Introverts, similarly, or those who are considerably smarter than average, or have richly developed knowledge of idiosyncratic fields of interest (geeks), from having divergent interests and desires, find that most social interactions are more stressful than uplifting.
Such cases illustrate third-cause issues. In current society where social media puts relentless pressure on people to be more sociable, and in the on-line high-tech formats promoted, the pressure to be more social causes the non-social to be more depressed, explaining the statistics as well as the hypothesis that more engagement with friends causes more positive feelings. (Note that without that pressure and recommendation, introverts and the like are more satisfied, resulting in less strong correlations).
The upshot: If friendships float your boat, go for it. But in general, finding what gives a person a rise must be tailored to that person. Statistical generalities only work for those whose psychologies mirror the average Jane.
92
As another commenter mentioned, the geographic area you come from does matter. My late mother, raised in conservative New England, did not approve of kissing or hugging people she did not know very well. She preferred a hand shake and "How do you do?".. And my darkish sense of New York City humor has offended many a midwesterner. This is a a smart column so try this and also try to take into account WHERE the people you relate to come from.
13
As an introvert, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write this comment. I *enjoy* spending a lot of time alone and only having one or two very close friends; what sometimes makes me feel isolated are these admonitions that I'm putting myself at risk of an early death just because I'd rather stay in and read than go to happy hour. For introverts, alone time is where we find our positivity!
9
The best guide I know of for becoming more serene is the Greek philosopher Epictetus, and his best interpreter is Sharon Lebel in her book "The Art of Living."
6
Yes, indeed, and Michel de Montaigne too.
I've always tried to stay positive. But the thing that "gets" me is when someone consistently doesn't really listen to me, the person with their own my-way-or-the-highway agenda. Its difficult to stay positive around them.
16