I don't know who I'm writing this too, but thank you Amy. And God bless your children and Jason, as well as the generosity and freedom you've given.
26
those of us with terminal cancer, for sure, understand your story. sorry you are not around to read this. i am sure your spirit is alive and well with your family, forever.
19
Oh my goodness....❤️
8
hi, Amy has been lucky, incidently so have I, my incredibly handsome husband of 26yrs, has nursed me through three near fatal accidents, the latest being 40% burns.
The only hitch being he comes with traditional Indian husband baggage, of I am always right. Since I am handing in my cheques too, I would definitely hope Mr.D has the much needed romance in his life.
The only hitch being he comes with traditional Indian husband baggage, of I am always right. Since I am handing in my cheques too, I would definitely hope Mr.D has the much needed romance in his life.
14
Last week I learned that one of my best friends -- my roommate in college, bridesmaid at my wedding -- was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer. She's my age, 57. She is like Amy in my mind, a lively and lovely and fun woman, forever young in many ways. Adored by her husband and children (and we friends). It was a shock, though it never entered my mind that she won't beat it.
Still, that same week I became determined to take my 5 grandchildren to Disneyland, where they've never been. (Going in October) No more waiting for everything to line up perfectly. I planned a lunch with friends and hugged them all and asked (probably annoying) questions about everything in their lives. I told my husband we're taking a road trip in April and I don't care how busy his umpire schedule is or if we have to use a credit card.
Now I know better that my friend's survival is not guaranteed in any way. Nor is mine, or my husband's. Or even the children's. Thank you, Amy. I resolve to make the most of my time here, and to not wait anymore on some things I've always wanted to do. But mostly, to cherish the people I love so very much.
Still, that same week I became determined to take my 5 grandchildren to Disneyland, where they've never been. (Going in October) No more waiting for everything to line up perfectly. I planned a lunch with friends and hugged them all and asked (probably annoying) questions about everything in their lives. I told my husband we're taking a road trip in April and I don't care how busy his umpire schedule is or if we have to use a credit card.
Now I know better that my friend's survival is not guaranteed in any way. Nor is mine, or my husband's. Or even the children's. Thank you, Amy. I resolve to make the most of my time here, and to not wait anymore on some things I've always wanted to do. But mostly, to cherish the people I love so very much.
11
She's right, I want to marry the person she describes, but I'm a woman only heterosexual man and I'm already married.
I think I am saying I want to be that type of man my wife can write a similar type letter about me.
My dad was that man. He died 26 years ago, but we still have people where he lived approach us in public tell us how he had touched their life when he was living and working as a professional counselor. Evidently very few people saw him without hearing about his family (his wife, kids, and grandkids). Through the years so many strangers have told my mother that it was obvious 24/7 that he deeply loved her.
I fear in not as consistent as the writer, her husband, nor my dad.
I think I am saying I want to be that type of man my wife can write a similar type letter about me.
My dad was that man. He died 26 years ago, but we still have people where he lived approach us in public tell us how he had touched their life when he was living and working as a professional counselor. Evidently very few people saw him without hearing about his family (his wife, kids, and grandkids). Through the years so many strangers have told my mother that it was obvious 24/7 that he deeply loved her.
I fear in not as consistent as the writer, her husband, nor my dad.
11
I submitted a heart felt response to the article. It is great.
But really? She knows she will be dead within days, she's hungry for a hamburger, yet she doesn't? Why don't health folks back off and give her a brief food enjoyment?
But really? She knows she will be dead within days, she's hungry for a hamburger, yet she doesn't? Why don't health folks back off and give her a brief food enjoyment?
6
She may have undergone chemo that damaged her esophagus so she can't eat solid food.
32
This is beautiful. It is such a great reminder to Be Here Now
... and to be grateful for anyone who has ever put a gumball in the open palm of your hand.
... and to be grateful for anyone who has ever put a gumball in the open palm of your hand.
12
My heart goes to Amy and her wonderful family this is sad but captivating article I ever heard...you are so bless I'm amazed by it.my condolences.love is a many splendored thing love is passion love is a wonderful thing in this word.
2
There is no greater gift than to Love oneself so thoroughly that you can merge with another and create a wholeness. Amy has shown many talents, as a wife, mother, writer and a choose-r of living -- even in her time of transitioning out of her body. Her final written work, this amazing tribute to her husband, will open many hearts. Thank you.
6
Amy is such an incredible writer an inspiration to so many about living your best life and appreciating the little things. While I have only recently discovered her writing, she is an inspiration to seek more and make the most out of this short time we all have on this earth. Thank you for your words and kind soul you've been gracious enough to share with the world. Rest in peace, Amy.
3
Here writ large is the very best example of devotional love I think I have ever witnessed, love without ownership, love set free
10
I'm taking my daughter, but you may be as intriguied by our journey as we our by yours. I'm a single mom of five adopted Latino foster kids, travelled to 27 countries hoping for at least 27 more countries not kids
2
Dear Amy, your life sounds like my sister's. When she knew that her time had come she said that the only thing that she would have changed is to adopt two little girls to go with her two boys. I replied "Susan, that's a damn good report of a life." Her husband remarried too soon for most of us afterward, but I say that life is for the living. Blessings to you in heaven, and Jason and your children down here.
4
My condolences to Jason and your family, RIP Amy. Such a tender and beautiful description of a great union of 2 good souls. I wish all of you much more love and peace in your next journey of life. I actually stumbled onto this article while reading another about mindullness, and I am so glad that I did. I have never experienced this kind of love and I probably never will.
8
Only an incredibly beautiful and brave woman could write such a poignant homage to her husband, her family, her life in a time where many would understandably lose their own light. It is clear that this is a love to inspire all loves. The "more" spills over to all the lives that have been touched by Amy's words. Thank you Amy!
8
I linked this column to my social media. While some saw it as sad, I thought it was incredible. This special woman appreciated her life as she was living it. She knew how good her husband was, how good her marriage was while she was still in it. And it's not "just because" she was in the throes of terminal illness. My sister is stage 4 lung cancer and while she does appreciate a lot more, she is still the prickly personality she always was (and I wouldn't change a thing). Plus, Ms Rosenthal was a terrific writer.
Thank you to the NY Times for keeping the comments section open.
Thank you to the NY Times for keeping the comments section open.
7
Wow, and she thought she was the lucky one!
15
What a wonderful, tender, sad send off for this talented woman and her amazing husband. I wish her well on her journey, and he on his. May they ever meet again at some certain point.
3
I'm glad to to see this comments section being kept open. This family will treasure these missives, now and over time. They will become another part of the the beautiful and brave Amy's legacy, for her children to pass on to their children, and beyond.
Since this remarkable piece was published, I've had Amy in mind every day, and checked back to re-read it, and the scores of new posts.
My sincere sympathies to the family.
Since this remarkable piece was published, I've had Amy in mind every day, and checked back to re-read it, and the scores of new posts.
My sincere sympathies to the family.
14
It's important to pause and self-reflect or hug the people you love in your life a little tighter or a little closer. It's hard to hold back the tears or think about how extraordinary this gal's words touched me today. I was working on a group assignment with two others today; two people I didn't know personally, but one, I would get to know pretty good after we got done collaborating for the day. I was entirely a different person before I returned to college; today, I'm 57 years old and I'm having a blast being in school working towards a degree in Middle Grade (Math & Science) Education and becoming a teacher despite most teachers retiring at my age. I say to them, I don't want to grow old and be poor and then there is this story and I find myself pausing, crying, wiping my eyes and saying to myself, this is how people live and love and find joy and laughter in every thing they do and now this. Healing is a process; I cherish the moments where I can stop and cry and allow myself to feel and say to myself; this is real love and this hurts. Eventually, my mind will turn to something that will allow me to wipe away my eyes and blow my nose, but tonight, I will allow this to permeate through my soul and my heart, where I need to be tonight.
8
Her words are beautiful, and illuminate how I must savor every trip I take to Target with my husband and son, be excited about every Boy Scout camp-out we attend in the bitter cold, on hard ground, be joyous every morning we bustle around the kitchen in silence making coffee. I look back now and feel I haven't cherished them, the time, enough. More. How true. You've stoked my need to pause and grab hold of every moment, to grab tight and be grateful for it all. Thank you.
16
Rest in peace, dear Amy. I hop you husband finds whatever he needs for support for the remainder of his time on earth.
6
You were too lovely and probably in touting your husband's qualities forgot to tell him the following: please, please pick a nice person for your next wife. Too often the second wives of widowed men are nasty, greedy, grasping, and would wish their stepchildren away if they could. Why this is is I know not, but I have seen it too many times (would love to out this in caps). Maybe it's because while the nice women (and their dinner-party making friends) are waiting for the grieving to be over, the opportunistic women and their friend get in their first. I would give examples but my friends and relatives would recognize themselves. Mr. Rosenthal, please be careful.
5
I would never be worthy of living up to her legacy. I resisted reading this the last few days because I knew it would break my heart. Not just because it's devastatingly sad (it is), but because that kind of love has never happened for me.
12
I have such a lump in my throat after reading Amy's column. My husband and I will celebrate 24 years of marriage this September 5, yes the same day that Amy got the news about her ovarian cancer. I don't think most of us realize how lucky we are to have our imperfect lives intact. My condolences to Jason and their children.
9
I just happened upon this article by accident. Amy knew how lucky she was to have what she had in Jason. It sounds like a wonderful life, taken away too soon by that ugly "C" word.
Most of us never find that kind of love. THAT kind of LOVE. I love that she just knew after one date that she wanted to marry him.
I was married for almost 25 years and I had always wished for someone who loved me as much as I loved him. Someone fun, thoughtful, someone that isn't like everyone else. Those quirky, fun things! Someone that would always surprise me. I guess I quit believing that it's out there, or that I would ever find it. It does exist!
How lucky you were Amy, to have what you had while you had it. I wish you could have had "more."
Most of us never find that kind of love. THAT kind of LOVE. I love that she just knew after one date that she wanted to marry him.
I was married for almost 25 years and I had always wished for someone who loved me as much as I loved him. Someone fun, thoughtful, someone that isn't like everyone else. Those quirky, fun things! Someone that would always surprise me. I guess I quit believing that it's out there, or that I would ever find it. It does exist!
How lucky you were Amy, to have what you had while you had it. I wish you could have had "more."
13
What a beautiful love story! To see that there really are men like this is amazing! I wish Jason every good thing in his future. I believe that he is truly a man of God, with all these great qualities. Bless you Jason for making your wife happy all these years. Be blessed!
7
14 days ago on 2/28/2017 my sassy, fierce, bold friend (age 52) also died of ovarian cancer. Each word written so summed up the experience with my friend. She too wanted more time with her children and to enjoy an empty nest with her man of five years with whom she had finally found acceptance and love. As I read this all I could think about was my friend, the beautiful tapestry of her life and loves and how Amy's life tapestry was as brilliant and beautiful and unique. What a legacy to leave your loved ones.....the encouragement to continue living and loving.
7
I was going to comment a few days ago but for some reason I didn't. I wanted to tell Amy how touched I was by her story and that I would promise to live a more present life with more genuine appreciation for my husband, family and life in her honor. I sorry that she may never know (or maybe she does?) what an impact I felt. RIP Amy and thank you.
2
Love is a story
Love is a journey
Love is a word
Love is a person
Love is what remains
Love is what transforms
Love is what is inside
Love is being father
Love is being mother
Love is being son
Love is being daughter
Love is a poem
Love is Amy
Love is a journey
Love is a word
Love is a person
Love is what remains
Love is what transforms
Love is what is inside
Love is being father
Love is being mother
Love is being son
Love is being daughter
Love is a poem
Love is Amy
8
I hope I'm able to pay a lovely tribute like this to my husband of 40 years. You've given Jason and your children a gift that will live in their hearts forever. May your spirit rise and your body Rest In Peace.
2
My heart aches for you. I could not imagine such a diagnosis. I have 5 children, but I have not shared a long, loving relationship as you have, although it's always been my dream to be a wife and celebrate 50...75 year anniversaries. What you share sounds extraordinary and he may decide that nothing and nobody can follow your "act" in his life. <3 God bless you both and give you peace through this difficult time.
3
I just read the obituary of this magnificent person, and after going back and reading this essay, tears are just rolling out. I am a cancer survivor who went through hell and back, and it's just so sad to read about someone as warm, bright, so full of life to leave this world at such a young age. Vicariously feeling what my life could be if for some reason this disease decides to return.
Oh how I wish I could express myself as she has about her husband, and at the same time it might be a wake up call to reunite and flourish what we do have.
Thank you Amy, may your love carry on through your work.
Oh how I wish I could express myself as she has about her husband, and at the same time it might be a wake up call to reunite and flourish what we do have.
Thank you Amy, may your love carry on through your work.
9
What a selflessness love! It's really touched my heart.
May God's grace bring comfort to the family's heart and may he find someone so special as his lovely wife.
May she rest in peace
May God's grace bring comfort to the family's heart and may he find someone so special as his lovely wife.
May she rest in peace
3
Amy, I really hope that you'll get well soon & overcome this battle. Perhaps you know the best pick for Jason is you, the one that he needs the most. Not only Jason but also your children, your family. Though it is very thoughtful of you to prepare this plan B, might you stay positive and use your love for Jason & your family as a strength to fight through this battle. Take care, stay strong, and get well for Jason, for your family, and for you, the one who wants more.
Best wishes & hugs from Aarhus,
Best wishes & hugs from Aarhus,
4
Actually, she died.
What a wonderful gift to be thinking of your husband and children being taken care of by another. I hope if this happens to me I can be as brave and unselfish after being with husband so far for over 30 years.
1
What a fabulous wife, mom, and person Amy was. To write such a heartfelt and heart-warming letter and for being who she was... It's a beautiful thing to have loved so well, and it takes a special person to so cogently describe that love.
Best wishes Jason on your loss of your wife Amy. She was truly one of a kind.
Best wishes Jason on your loss of your wife Amy. She was truly one of a kind.
2
What an astoundingly lovely tribute, to both you and Jason!
2
Rest in eternal peace.
1
About 6 years ago, I had the great pleasure of sitting next to Amy Krouse Rosenthal at a book industry breakfast. She was energetic, funny, charming, and smart -- the perfect companion with whom to start what promised to be a long day. As picture book authors and lovers of children's lit, I felt we had quite a bit in common. I little suspected then that her husband and I would have something far more profound in common.
My beloved James will have been gone 20 years this May. If our fates had been reversed, I could have easily written as glowingly of him as Amy has of Jason. We were less fortunate than Amy and Jason in that we only had 18 1/2 years together (I never leave out the 1/2 -- every day was precious, even the awful or exasperating ones). Though intellectually I knew I could never find another James after he was gone, it took a while for my heart to understand that and except that. Not a day goes by that I don't think of James. And I am sure not a day will go by that Jason doesn't think of Amy. The blessing in this is that those memories, though tinged with pain at first, will also always be a source of joy and strength. Sharing our lives with someone we love with all our hearts is one of life's greatest joys. When they are also your best friend -- as Jason and Amy so clearly were -- it is as close to living a fairy tale as we get in this life.
My beloved James will have been gone 20 years this May. If our fates had been reversed, I could have easily written as glowingly of him as Amy has of Jason. We were less fortunate than Amy and Jason in that we only had 18 1/2 years together (I never leave out the 1/2 -- every day was precious, even the awful or exasperating ones). Though intellectually I knew I could never find another James after he was gone, it took a while for my heart to understand that and except that. Not a day goes by that I don't think of James. And I am sure not a day will go by that Jason doesn't think of Amy. The blessing in this is that those memories, though tinged with pain at first, will also always be a source of joy and strength. Sharing our lives with someone we love with all our hearts is one of life's greatest joys. When they are also your best friend -- as Jason and Amy so clearly were -- it is as close to living a fairy tale as we get in this life.
16
Gulp.
1
The hell with any universe that treats such wonderful people this way.
2
God bless Jason, Justin, Miles, and Paris. Anyone who has "joined" this most unfortunate club, of losing a partner, knows how difficult it is. Losing a parent is no picnic either. Too young, too soon... there should have been "more" for all of you. <3
1
Dear Jason, I am so sorry. What a love story. When your heart is nurtured and grows so big it breaks big too. Blessings and love to your children and you. Someday, go find love to help you hold that big heart love Amy helped you grow.
2
Such a spirit. She puts me to shame. RIP Amy.
1
A lovely love letter which brought warmth to my soul. I am so sorry that you are gone. I don't think the love your husband has for you can ever be replaced, but what a beautiful thing to have thought to want to make him happy after you have gone.
1
Jason and Amy's children...what a love story she left behind. A guide for you kids to know its there while I am sure you saw it every day and will find people in your life who can love you and you can love that way. And of course she wants your dad to find love again, because what a compliment to a good marriage, to want to repeat good love, but more than that, I believe it was her review of that love she had and her way to grieve the loss of this form of life. Sobbing so hard here..wishing I could make it better. But how lucky you all must have been to have such a magnificent woman in your lives.
5
RIP wonderful Woman, Wife, Mother
3
Wow .. The whole time I was reading this I was crying. I am a survivor of breast cancer and I know what she has been through. It is hard. But for her to write something like this was just so powerful and touching . just knowing she only had a few days left and she wanted to make sure all was set right for her husband. Now that's true love. Id love to meet him and hear the stories he has about there love and how they kept it for so long. im still crying from this,.. wonderful article
4
I first thought it was a tongue in cheek, mischievous article, saying I got what I wanted, I am done with him, you can have him, or what is left of him!
It took some time for me to sync in how artfully the author was sharing her most delicate, intimate feelings, her deep love for he husband and above all saying good bye for ever while she could still share her incredible artistic talent with her audience. I was dumbstruck and speechless, numbed. Saddened with the finality of all our life long partnerships.
I wondered what I would tell my wonderful lifelong partner? Here is my muse:
Continue to take care of yourself.
Move forward.
Let past be past.
Enjoy life, enjoy people, nurture ideas that bring meaning to young lives.
Continue to savor olive oil and ice cream.
Meander, move, motivate, mingle, make it happen.
Teach!
Teach music to 5 year olds.
Be with young crowd most of the time!
Be you.
We took care of each other so much!
Sorry I will not be there anymore but we do have great kids.
Allow them to help you too!
I don't agree with life after life.
So once its over its over.
Let the finality give you peace and joy.
It took some time for me to sync in how artfully the author was sharing her most delicate, intimate feelings, her deep love for he husband and above all saying good bye for ever while she could still share her incredible artistic talent with her audience. I was dumbstruck and speechless, numbed. Saddened with the finality of all our life long partnerships.
I wondered what I would tell my wonderful lifelong partner? Here is my muse:
Continue to take care of yourself.
Move forward.
Let past be past.
Enjoy life, enjoy people, nurture ideas that bring meaning to young lives.
Continue to savor olive oil and ice cream.
Meander, move, motivate, mingle, make it happen.
Teach!
Teach music to 5 year olds.
Be with young crowd most of the time!
Be you.
We took care of each other so much!
Sorry I will not be there anymore but we do have great kids.
Allow them to help you too!
I don't agree with life after life.
So once its over its over.
Let the finality give you peace and joy.
9
Hi Amy, I read your article but only after reading the story this morning that you don't live here anymore. I thought it would be unfair if I didn't respond to your article, as others did, and share my own story with you. You're love for Jason and your memories of the time you spent with him speak volumes of how much your heart ached for Jason before you left. I think I know that feeling because I too was summoned by God, at 47, seven years ago. I was fairly healthy at that time but because of a bizarre twist of fate, I had a Cardiac arrest and was resuscitated back to life in the ER. God changed his mind and sent his angels to save me and allowed me to be with my family. I feel bad that you had to go... I have a request, could you please thank God for me.
10
Please consider changing the headline to "her name", etc. ....
1
Beautiful <3
1
I put off reading this story---but today I forced myself to read it.
Although I have my RN, MD (trauma surgeon) I have extremely low self esteem. I’m sure my treatment resistant depression has a lot to do with it....But I kept slogging day after day.
I’m a widow now and for the first time I am beginning to feel safe. I should no longer worry about being hit hard by his fists for not getting dinner on the table or keeping the house clean. I even dreaded work because when I was quietly trying not to disturb him when I showered and dressed he still berated me...”Your job is more important to you than being a housewife!” Well my gunshot wound and machete victims certainly thought so.
We lived in Hawai’i--paradise right? He hated my gardens, hated needing to help me mulch or move large rocks or prune back the jungle that is Hawai’i. He got into gourmet cooking and many meals turned out really bad. I still choked them down...fearful of those fists, of that hatred in his eyes as he berated me.I was always in the ER with “I fell” or “hit my head surfing last week.”I suffered over fifteen severe concussions..three requiring hospitalization because of global amnesia. My colleagues were angry--and finally called the police to the ER. I denied abuse..tearfully“Please don’t hurt him!”The police arrested him while he was teaching post grad students.
The abuse worsened.Then the recession hit..he lost his job...committed suicide leaving me in terrible debt.
I hate this story!!
Although I have my RN, MD (trauma surgeon) I have extremely low self esteem. I’m sure my treatment resistant depression has a lot to do with it....But I kept slogging day after day.
I’m a widow now and for the first time I am beginning to feel safe. I should no longer worry about being hit hard by his fists for not getting dinner on the table or keeping the house clean. I even dreaded work because when I was quietly trying not to disturb him when I showered and dressed he still berated me...”Your job is more important to you than being a housewife!” Well my gunshot wound and machete victims certainly thought so.
We lived in Hawai’i--paradise right? He hated my gardens, hated needing to help me mulch or move large rocks or prune back the jungle that is Hawai’i. He got into gourmet cooking and many meals turned out really bad. I still choked them down...fearful of those fists, of that hatred in his eyes as he berated me.I was always in the ER with “I fell” or “hit my head surfing last week.”I suffered over fifteen severe concussions..three requiring hospitalization because of global amnesia. My colleagues were angry--and finally called the police to the ER. I denied abuse..tearfully“Please don’t hurt him!”The police arrested him while he was teaching post grad students.
The abuse worsened.Then the recession hit..he lost his job...committed suicide leaving me in terrible debt.
I hate this story!!
3
I hope you continue to feel safer every day.
Please (try) to reach out to a trusted friend, colleagues -- someone to help you back to the life you deserve, one free of abuse or disrespect. You're in the 'helping' profession ... time to be the one who is helped.
(I know that is not easy.)
As to the Rosenthal's, there's was -- is -- a beautiful love story, and I hope in time, you might see that their experience was real, valid and deserves also to be honored and respected.
Please (try) to reach out to a trusted friend, colleagues -- someone to help you back to the life you deserve, one free of abuse or disrespect. You're in the 'helping' profession ... time to be the one who is helped.
(I know that is not easy.)
As to the Rosenthal's, there's was -- is -- a beautiful love story, and I hope in time, you might see that their experience was real, valid and deserves also to be honored and respected.
1
I hope, that the story you hate, is the one of your past life, and your story becomes a happier, less sad one.
You've been through a traumatic life as I've read through your other comments.
Good luck and blessings to you. As you feel safer, I hope that you are able accept the respect and love that you deserve.
You've been through a traumatic life as I've read through your other comments.
Good luck and blessings to you. As you feel safer, I hope that you are able accept the respect and love that you deserve.
2
What is so lacking in the lives of the NY Times readers who describe themselves as so incredibly moved by the Modern Love piece in question? At best, it's an on-line dating profile of a man written by a woman who will soon be dead and already misses not just her husband but her life and everything she took for granted. There is nothing extraordinary about that. At worst, the piece is a cloying conceit. After all, these could be anyone's "death bed" thoughts. Again, there's nothing extraordinary about them. The not-so-clever twist of creating a dating profile makes it even worse. It cheapens the eternal departure with the plastic tapping of a keyboard, a gesture as contrived and as empty as an e-vite. To call this love is to equate it with the billions of perfunctory sing-song "Love yous" we hear everyday on the street and on the subway platforms. "Be safe!" Where do we live, the Sudan? The Modern Love piece is no less rote for having been written as a short weekend essay. What it is is entertainment. It's "The Story of Us" and "This Is Us" and every other hyper-sentimental Hollywood artifice since "Terms of Endearment" where Debra Winger dies in the end. And, so now, here we are in the 21st century, drowning in an ocean of memes and trending trends, false news and forced emotions sucked, this time, from a short essay over Sunday caffeine. Love and Death. It used to be the subject of Woody Allen movies. Why has America become so excessively sentimental? Can we examine that?
4
I am sorry for you, that you are unable to appreciate the impact of truly-felt and truly deep emotions. True love is not sloppy or excessively sentimental. May you know true love, and how to share it well. RIP Amy.
7
My feelings exactly. If the roles were reversed, and she was the surviving spouse, there would be little hope of her finding someone after her husband's death. I just read the obits today, every woman who died was single, every man who died left a surviving spouse.
1
Wow -- you have serious issues. Next time, consider keeping them to yourself. You're what we call in sentimental circles a real buzz kill.
3
My heart was so full after reading this selfless love letter that joining this site was a must. I felt I had to say something after "With All My Love, Amy" had washed over my eyes. That is exactly how we should make each other feel and those that have that gift are the beautiful souls that make this life soften and take the harshness away. Life is fleeting and it truly is the little things we say and do for each other that make the difference in our relationships of any kind. This is my first experience with Amy but it won't be my last. I want to know more about this brilliant woman with such a selfless heart and sweet spirit. I have a feeling you were very easy for Jason to love Amy or for that matter anyone to love. I heard someone recently ask, "Is love enough to make a marriage last?" and the gentleman took a moment and said, "No". He said you have to have love, but it's the sacrifices and the willingness to put someone else's priorities before your own at times. I personally also believe you have to have action as part of the equation. No matter how big or small, the smiley face by the coffee pot, the gumball, etc.. Our "more" doesn't have to be elaborate, but noticeable making our hearts whisper, "Love is here". Amy will never truly be gone. Her legacies of love for family, friends, work and a life well lived will touch hearts for a long time. To all who love Amy, you are in my thoughts and prayers as you celebrate her life and the gift of "more" that she left us.
2
From this I can guess at Jason's values and that perhaps his parents (and teachers?) shaped him into the human he is, too. My wish would be that everyone marry someone like J. I am also curious about the clinical side of the story. Was Amy experiencing symptoms? What did her physician advise? Etc.
As an MD I can tell you that finding ovarian cancer is EXTREMELY difficult in the early stages. Symptoms of bloating, mild pain are so common that most women won’t bring them up and most of the time they can be attributed to digestive problems. (How many constipation commercials have you seen in the last year?)
Google Mayo Clinic or the American Cancer society for signs, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment of ovarian cancer.
Cervical cancer is easily picked up with cotton swabs during a pelvic exam. Breast cancer is improving with better education, high resolution mammograms, MRIs. Skin cancer by checking yourself and seeing a dermatologist once a year. Prostate cancer--blood tests.
Medicine is FINALLY going to “evidence based medicine.” That means that instead of just learning one way of diagnosis in med school, we are inputting volumes of data entered into electronic files and putting them through computers like Watson, we can find better ways of finding obscure, hidden cancers like pancreatic, brain, ovarian, lymphomas, spinal etc.
We hope to find “biomarkers” in blood tests. Some protein or enzyme that elevates or shows up for specific diseases..even for mental illness, chronic pain syndromes, chronic fatigue. Because many of our worst chronic illnesses (meaning tough to treat) don’t “show up” on x-rays, labs, physical exam. It’s what the patient tells us.
Patients tell us they have severe headaches. We can’t see, feel, or touch it. Is it real?
Long way to go.
Google Mayo Clinic or the American Cancer society for signs, symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment of ovarian cancer.
Cervical cancer is easily picked up with cotton swabs during a pelvic exam. Breast cancer is improving with better education, high resolution mammograms, MRIs. Skin cancer by checking yourself and seeing a dermatologist once a year. Prostate cancer--blood tests.
Medicine is FINALLY going to “evidence based medicine.” That means that instead of just learning one way of diagnosis in med school, we are inputting volumes of data entered into electronic files and putting them through computers like Watson, we can find better ways of finding obscure, hidden cancers like pancreatic, brain, ovarian, lymphomas, spinal etc.
We hope to find “biomarkers” in blood tests. Some protein or enzyme that elevates or shows up for specific diseases..even for mental illness, chronic pain syndromes, chronic fatigue. Because many of our worst chronic illnesses (meaning tough to treat) don’t “show up” on x-rays, labs, physical exam. It’s what the patient tells us.
Patients tell us they have severe headaches. We can’t see, feel, or touch it. Is it real?
Long way to go.
5
This column is a gift to us all. Thank you. Love and warm thoughts to your family.
1
As a doc I know family misery all too well.
My best friend of 35 years had her military general spouse leave her for a much younger professional woman. She gave up her own career to support his. Wives of squadron commanders are VERY busy in the military community--much was expected. She had four children, three miscarriages. Worked nights as an RN until her husband finished his degree, then officer’s candidate school and up until he made O-3 captain, they needed her wages.
One of the most intelligent women I know..and now living in a small rental and at the age of 60 needing to work again. It’s VERY hard to work 12 hour shifts in ER, ICU, or surgery as an RN when one is 60! (Her previous specialties.) He was kicked out in disgrace, reduced in rank, and “can’t support her.”
That’s just one.
As an agnostic I feel that we need to create heaven here on earth...not wait until after death. How can we human beings help each other? We are told to mind our own business if we see a spouse striking another or yelling at them. A parent hitting a child? Or the reverse?
Our country is so hate filled. I am sad all the time and I try so hard to help my patients.
Why do some women find such superb spouses? What about the rest of us? Just resign ourselves? Divorce isn’t always the answer. And
‘women’s magazines” have articles “Ways to make your marriage better!” But it’s so artificial. If feelings don’t come easily-well, it makes for a rough life.
Hard to read for me.
My best friend of 35 years had her military general spouse leave her for a much younger professional woman. She gave up her own career to support his. Wives of squadron commanders are VERY busy in the military community--much was expected. She had four children, three miscarriages. Worked nights as an RN until her husband finished his degree, then officer’s candidate school and up until he made O-3 captain, they needed her wages.
One of the most intelligent women I know..and now living in a small rental and at the age of 60 needing to work again. It’s VERY hard to work 12 hour shifts in ER, ICU, or surgery as an RN when one is 60! (Her previous specialties.) He was kicked out in disgrace, reduced in rank, and “can’t support her.”
That’s just one.
As an agnostic I feel that we need to create heaven here on earth...not wait until after death. How can we human beings help each other? We are told to mind our own business if we see a spouse striking another or yelling at them. A parent hitting a child? Or the reverse?
Our country is so hate filled. I am sad all the time and I try so hard to help my patients.
Why do some women find such superb spouses? What about the rest of us? Just resign ourselves? Divorce isn’t always the answer. And
‘women’s magazines” have articles “Ways to make your marriage better!” But it’s so artificial. If feelings don’t come easily-well, it makes for a rough life.
Hard to read for me.
7
Hugs to the family and friends of this wonderful person.
2
I often send my daughter articles in the Times that I find interesting, provocative
or just intelligent and informative. As a 22 year old college student at NYU getting ready to graduate in May, she rarely send me things to read.
But, she sent this article to me.... she told me it made her cry....and after I read it so did I. Her Mom passed when she was 7.
Today, I read Ms. Rosenthal had passed and today I will mourn for her and her family. Heaven has acquired a gifted soul....
or just intelligent and informative. As a 22 year old college student at NYU getting ready to graduate in May, she rarely send me things to read.
But, she sent this article to me.... she told me it made her cry....and after I read it so did I. Her Mom passed when she was 7.
Today, I read Ms. Rosenthal had passed and today I will mourn for her and her family. Heaven has acquired a gifted soul....
7
I wrote at FCB Chicago for a couple of years in the early 80s. Now, I'm sorry I didn't stick around longer so I could have met Amy. What a fine writer and a beautiful person.
1
I was scared to comment. After reading part of the letter, I googled all of Amy’s books. I was engulfed in the love story, but secretly hoped it wasn’t a book I’d read my daughter before. I then saw, “Little Pea” and began crying. I'm 33 and my daughter is 13. She loved that book. It became one of the things I hoarded from her childhood… it’s one of those books…I came back to Amy’s article and shed more tears. It was as if I’d been given a sneak peek into their beautiful life together—but, not even scratching the surface. I was born in Chicago, but moved to another state a few years ago to allow my daughter to have a relationship w/ her dad. I miss Chicago.
The seemingly “mundane” things are what made the letter so sad... the cheese and olives…Martinis at the Green Mill on Thursday nights.
I started reading comments and wondered, ‘Am I the only one wondering if this is a real dating profile?’ I felt super guilty and decided not to comment. I ran into the article yesterday to see Amy passed away. I wondered about Jason. I wondered about their family. I wondered if she read the comments…and wished I’d written something…
I’m incredibly saddened by all of this. However, I understand Amy’s motivation to find someone suitable for Jason. So here it is…the basics on me: I have a BA in Psychology from Loyola University… I’m 5’4, 126lbs, I love yoga, oil painting, the beach, laughing, rainy days, brainstorming, music, and... reality TV. Sending a ton of love to Amy and her family. <3
The seemingly “mundane” things are what made the letter so sad... the cheese and olives…Martinis at the Green Mill on Thursday nights.
I started reading comments and wondered, ‘Am I the only one wondering if this is a real dating profile?’ I felt super guilty and decided not to comment. I ran into the article yesterday to see Amy passed away. I wondered about Jason. I wondered about their family. I wondered if she read the comments…and wished I’d written something…
I’m incredibly saddened by all of this. However, I understand Amy’s motivation to find someone suitable for Jason. So here it is…the basics on me: I have a BA in Psychology from Loyola University… I’m 5’4, 126lbs, I love yoga, oil painting, the beach, laughing, rainy days, brainstorming, music, and... reality TV. Sending a ton of love to Amy and her family. <3
5
I'm sure he is INCREDIBLY sad and overwhelmed. Or in shock. It will wear off and he will lose the wobbly in his legs and start looking around to take a life inventory. And he might just find love out of this devastation. I lost my Mom under a year ago and it takes time. She was a nurse so thank you for caring, giving and loving. And more importantly you have a life full of accomplishments. Good luck and just wait and see.
Wow... yeah, exactly, shocking... it has to be surreal. To be honest, seems like their love and memories could last a lifetime. I'm so sorry for your loss, so glad it's getting a little easier to take in. Thanks for the kinds words.
Was quite wary of reading this as I knew I would bawl and feel sad.
Yet, after reading, while sad, I am not crying.
I just want to go look at a tree, drink a martini, and have more today than I did yesterday.
Amy, you will be sorely missed in this world.
Yet, after reading, while sad, I am not crying.
I just want to go look at a tree, drink a martini, and have more today than I did yesterday.
Amy, you will be sorely missed in this world.
3
She was a great writer. If I were single, I'd be falliing in love with her husband and kids already.
1
And this is the reason the world needs writers.
4
How can you even begin to remark on this essay?! Sweet, silly, compassionate... Just like true love. What a gift from a very talented lady and not only for her hubby and kids. It warms anyone's heart and despite the sadness, it brings a measure of hopefulness that is infectious. RIP and my very heartfelt condolences to the family.
3
Lets value the qualities of the person we have next, in this present time, before is too late. What an emotional afternoon.
1
I am afraid this comes too late, but I would still like to thank Amy for sharing her personal story: You have gifted us not only with a deeply moving portrait of two people who found love and joy in each other, but also with a deeply inspiring story of an individual who is able to muster the courage to deal with an early and unplanned departure (Plan “BE”) with a touch of wit and a lot of grace. You husband and your kids are very lucky to have had you in their lives. Condolences, and may you rest in peace.
3
C.O.
Thank you Amy for those wonderful word's that describe a very special person in your life. Your written thoughts truly transcend those things that often isolate us from other's.
Thank you Amy for those wonderful word's that describe a very special person in your life. Your written thoughts truly transcend those things that often isolate us from other's.
1
So so beautiful. She loved him enough to know how much loving someone meant to him.There will never be another Amy but she really set him free. She will be the love of his life. The mother of his children. The women who helped him grow into the man he is. Yet, she is hoping perhaps he will find someone to share the rest of his life and she is good with that. Amazing. Amy was amazing.
5
I have been with my husband since the late 70's and adore him still. I wish for more as you do. Your article will remind me to appreciate the more time I get. I am a retired teacher. I have always thought that there should be classes on how to have a successful marriage. If I were to teach one I would open it with "Marry my husband".
4
The perfect definition of love. Selfless. Timeless. Rest in peace, dear one.
5
There are some truly exceptional people on this planet, and obviously this woman is one of them. This is the true meaning of the word "love". Unselfishly loving another person so much that she wishes him joy without her worldly presence. He has more life to live. She does not. She sadly has accepted the fact that she will not be able to spend more time with him in his remaining years, but , because she loves him, wants him to find some happiness with another hopefully special person. What a lovely tribute to a special relationship ending too soon, and the unselfishness of a beautiful love story.
6
As I sit in my home office listening to the sleet pelting against the window during "Stella's" March blizzard, Amy's later to Jason touched my soul, bringing tears to my eyes. What a beautiful love story! How can one little gum ball placed in the palm of your hand be so symbolic of the ways two people give and accept love.
I'm blessed to be married to a wonderful man for 52 years who loves to tend the fires he creates -- he's mastered the art of splitting logs to be arranged in a pyramid design in the hearth. He warms my heart! Thank you Amy for sharing.
Condolences to Jason and your family. . . .your love lives on!
I'm blessed to be married to a wonderful man for 52 years who loves to tend the fires he creates -- he's mastered the art of splitting logs to be arranged in a pyramid design in the hearth. He warms my heart! Thank you Amy for sharing.
Condolences to Jason and your family. . . .your love lives on!
2
I am crying as I see this today, as I heard the news, far as I am, living this story from a remote little country where I am from, and unacquainted with you and your family as I may be; but your story connected so well with all of us, your biggest fans, that I now believe I knew you. Again thanks for this and your existence, which is still here with us, through beautiful stories like this one, through the memories of your loved ones, through the love you gave, through the sun that's shining somewhere. Much love to you and to your family,
Rodolfo
Rodolfo
8
Touching and likely inspirational for many young people - male or female. Hope they have a chance to see it. I'll send to some I know.
2
Wow, extraordinary woman! Life after Amy will be hard to find because she is so unique. Cherish your memories together and live through those experiences. My guess she will lead you to the right person, that is if you want to find another person....
Bless you Jason
Bless you Jason
1
She deserved "more." Sorry to Jason and kids that she did not get her wish.
3
If there were an interventionist God, Amy would have had a spontaneous and miraculous recovery from her cancer, and our president would have had a fatal heart attack. But no. Amy is gone, and The Donald is still haunting us. So much for interventionist dieties.
1
What a crass, low class comment on at least two accounts. First, to use this tragic situation to try to score some political points. And second, to add religion to the mix.
Next time, save both for some political news story where you can grandstand to your heart's desire.
Next time, save both for some political news story where you can grandstand to your heart's desire.
1
Wow. Jason, you may not realize it right now, but you are a lucky man. You got to spend 26 years with a perfect woman.
Despite all the horrors, disappointments, and grinding sameness in the world, you've reminded me that love can make life beautiful. Thanks.
1
Leaves you without words. God bless her.
1
She was right - he is handsome. They both seemed to have brought out the best in each other. All the exceptional qualities seem too much for one being. With such an inviting love letter, my wish for Jason is he finds someone to share his life with. This ranks right up there as one of the best stories in the last five months.
1
The love story of Amy and Jason makes me cry, cry like a child along with so many others. But the news today forces a different perspective. Amy clearly had health care of the highest order, providing support so she could reflect on the meanings of her life and show her big heart. An insidious disease was attacking every system of her body, and a health care team skillfully kept that devil on a leash so that Amy could transcend her medical condition and move us and teach us about love. Today, however, we find that politicians want to take away the health care of many millions of people. How many people will be able to make that final, touching testimonial of love if they do not receive the high level of care that Amy received?
2
You make huge leaps & bounds and make many assumptions to further your agenda. Please don't use this pure love story to do that. Amy's voice deserves to be heard without political interference.
Less is ALWAYS more. Like a great speaker who takes long pauses to let silence speak for itself , there is nothing more for a writer to give than blank space and empty lines. and in this essay, those empty lines are the story.
When mere mortal writers try this trick they usually just get blank space. JRK filled it. Can't wait to read her encyclopedia and see what else she has filled the blank spaces with.
When mere mortal writers try this trick they usually just get blank space. JRK filled it. Can't wait to read her encyclopedia and see what else she has filled the blank spaces with.
1
What an inspiring lady! That is true love, not wanting your partner to be alone after you pass. Very mature. I stopped believing in love, so thank you for helping me to see that there really is such an emotion.
3
Dear Jason-I am sorry I never knew Amy, i feel as though we would have been friends, a true soul as anyone can see by her words. May the comfort of your beautiful family help you all through this time, as mother of same age kids, yet someone who never had the respect and love in my marriage you shared, their strength and support can help through this time. It is my hope is that love will carry you through your pain. I have been moved to tears twice... RIP Amy
2
I too have fallen in love with a woman who thinks Im "perfect" It is because SHE is perfect that allows the best in me to come out.. and it only took 1 day as well.. She is also 51.. coincidence? I think not.
2
Dear Jason, I saw the story about your wife's passionate letter on behalf of you as her loving spouse on TV a week or so ago. I have been caregiving for my mother for the last six weeks or so and never got around to reading the article until tonight. I saw the notice that said she had died today and felt as though I should tell you how moved I was to read this today of all days. The relationship that you shared was treasured and I don't know how you will move on, but you will. As her primary caregiver you need to take a lot of time to find out who you are again as her illness and the loss of all aspects of your life, her life, and your kids' lives has forever been changed all of you. Amy was obviously an amazing woman and because of her people all over the world are sending you and your children positivity for healing. My best to all of you.
4
I don't know which I aspire to be more like. Amy or her husband.
Maybe I'll just hope for a cup of each.
Maybe I'll just hope for a cup of each.
4
Her free will to thoughtfully put into words so many things I think about is both painfully brilliant and uplifting. I just wish she didn't have to lose her life, in order to convey so powerfully how much she loved her husband.
2
Jason and Family: Know that perfect strangers all over the world truly do share your grief. So, although it is immense, in proportion to the loss of this huge spirit, it will not break you. It connects you through the love your wife, mother, family, friend described so well. Anyone with an ounce of sense knows what you do - no one could ever take her place. God carry you softly through this awful time.
7
This is a sad day. I knew Amy as a teenager when I worked summers during college at her parents' business in Lake Forest, IL. My Mom worked for her folks for 20 years. Her parents attended both my Mom's and my Dad's funerals. Amy comes from a wonderful family. I am glad so many got to see her wonderful spirit in person. She will truly be missed. My deepest sympathy to her family.
10
I handle most all the chores, and bills, and the cars, and lawn, the rental, and the house, the finances, and the investing. My wife does the food shopping and cooking. We both work; I've made far more.
I do more than my share in fact. But I feel not such a great husband, having missed many of these touches for her that Jason does. Bluntly, I'd feel like a fool it would be too much, as if I was her butler, her slave. And that speaks to her lack, and my lack, and I wish I had their marriage. God Speed to Amy and Jason.
I do more than my share in fact. But I feel not such a great husband, having missed many of these touches for her that Jason does. Bluntly, I'd feel like a fool it would be too much, as if I was her butler, her slave. And that speaks to her lack, and my lack, and I wish I had their marriage. God Speed to Amy and Jason.
2
More more forever.
What a moving tribute and testament to true love and all the possibilities that each day holds before us. Until there are no more hours, days, trees, smiles, faces, or time. How profound and unselfish a gift from dearest Amy to Jason, the depth of sadness is no match for this triumph and ode to real love. My heartfelt sympathies. Peace.
2
The title of this caught my eye... how could it not?
What a beautiful blessing that she foresaw and even invited a new love into his life. My husband passed away almost 2 years ago very unexpectedly, and while he did not have the opportunity to wish new love for me, I have always known that he wants me to be happy and have love in my life again. To be loved so selflessly is such an amazing gift in life and so glad that J and Akr had what I knew so well. It makes the loss both harder and easier all in one!
What a beautiful blessing that she foresaw and even invited a new love into his life. My husband passed away almost 2 years ago very unexpectedly, and while he did not have the opportunity to wish new love for me, I have always known that he wants me to be happy and have love in my life again. To be loved so selflessly is such an amazing gift in life and so glad that J and Akr had what I knew so well. It makes the loss both harder and easier all in one!
1
This is absolutely the most beautiful love letter I've ever read. Period. I'm sad for Amy's premature passing yet at the same time joyous for the incredible love story she was fortunate to experience in her lifetime. Her selflessness at wishing him for an eventual future partner is simply astounding. How will he ever find anyone like her again?
7
Dear Jason,
I hope to someday experience the kind of love you and your lovely Amy had together. Sadly, we don't often see that kind of love - the one where you stick it through in tough times. But when we do see it, it's simply beautiful. You are a good man and I do hope that when the grief of missing Amy has lifted somewhat, that you do find a new love. Living for loving well is all we can really leave behind in this life.
All the best,
Jo
I hope to someday experience the kind of love you and your lovely Amy had together. Sadly, we don't often see that kind of love - the one where you stick it through in tough times. But when we do see it, it's simply beautiful. You are a good man and I do hope that when the grief of missing Amy has lifted somewhat, that you do find a new love. Living for loving well is all we can really leave behind in this life.
All the best,
Jo
4
This took my breath away. What a wonderful woman, wife, mother and friend she must have been.
I am profoundly sorry that this incredible woman has left us. My deepest condolences to her family. RIP Amy.
I am profoundly sorry that this incredible woman has left us. My deepest condolences to her family. RIP Amy.
7
Dearest John,
I'm not going to tell you that I know how you feel. I don't. Nobody does. I will tell you that in July 2014, my fairytale came to a hault when my Prince Charming lost his valiant battle with that dreaded disease. I miss him every minute of every day since. Somehow I've learned to laugh and smile again, but just like waves of the ocean crashing on the shore, that's how suddenly and unexpectedly grief hits.
I think I've cried enough tears to fill an ocean. Yet there are still more. Plan A was to live until we were both old and gray and in our rocking chairs.
Plan B now is to learn to live without him physically here. To live the life he hoped for us. To fulfill those dreams we never were able to. It's a tough journey but I get up each day and breathe and try again.
When you can breathe again, I'd love to speak to you about a book I'm working on for times just like these. When we find ourselves in umchartered waters without a life vest.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I loved your wife and never met her. I love her for being able to live and yes even die, with the world watching.
I'm not going to tell you that I know how you feel. I don't. Nobody does. I will tell you that in July 2014, my fairytale came to a hault when my Prince Charming lost his valiant battle with that dreaded disease. I miss him every minute of every day since. Somehow I've learned to laugh and smile again, but just like waves of the ocean crashing on the shore, that's how suddenly and unexpectedly grief hits.
I think I've cried enough tears to fill an ocean. Yet there are still more. Plan A was to live until we were both old and gray and in our rocking chairs.
Plan B now is to learn to live without him physically here. To live the life he hoped for us. To fulfill those dreams we never were able to. It's a tough journey but I get up each day and breathe and try again.
When you can breathe again, I'd love to speak to you about a book I'm working on for times just like these. When we find ourselves in umchartered waters without a life vest.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I loved your wife and never met her. I love her for being able to live and yes even die, with the world watching.
3
Dear John,
It seems as though you have been blessed with the blessing of an incredible wife, marriage and family.
I'm sure she believed in you and supported you just as you did her. God has truly blessed you both. I pray to have that in marriage one day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
RN
It seems as though you have been blessed with the blessing of an incredible wife, marriage and family.
I'm sure she believed in you and supported you just as you did her. God has truly blessed you both. I pray to have that in marriage one day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
RN
1
The thought of having cancer and leaving a great love is horrible. I hope her family finds peace quickly.
I also have advanced stage ovarian cancer. i have been in remission for 14 months. My oncologist told me to "live my dreams now" so my husband and I quit our jobs and moved to Mexico. We don't know when and if my cancer will return, but ovarian cancer returns in 70 percent of patients.
Here's a recent blog post about the love of my life and how grateful I was to celebrate our 20 year wedding anniversary.
https://believeitohrnot.wordpress.com/2016/12/21/the-greatest-love-story...
I also have advanced stage ovarian cancer. i have been in remission for 14 months. My oncologist told me to "live my dreams now" so my husband and I quit our jobs and moved to Mexico. We don't know when and if my cancer will return, but ovarian cancer returns in 70 percent of patients.
Here's a recent blog post about the love of my life and how grateful I was to celebrate our 20 year wedding anniversary.
https://believeitohrnot.wordpress.com/2016/12/21/the-greatest-love-story...
4
WOW! We've never met, but I miss you already.
May God bless you Amy...even more now than before.
Good luck, Jason and kids, though you've already hit the wife/mom lottery enough for a lifetime.
mg
May God bless you Amy...even more now than before.
Good luck, Jason and kids, though you've already hit the wife/mom lottery enough for a lifetime.
mg
6
Just read of your passing and then read this column. Moved me to tears, you and your husband are and were so lucky to share something so special. Sending my thoughts and prayers to both of you.
4
Love seems so easy when 2 people with uncommon trust and endless acceptance open their eyes and hearts to each other? What a man, Amy wrote about. And what a woman Jason might have written about. Most of all, this rich aperitif of an essay reminds me of a tiny leatherette bound book a neighbor gave me when he or she learned I loved reading and had no kid's books. It was called "Great Affinities of History." It began with Narcissus, segued to Abelard and Eloise and Antony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, the Brownings, and it might have included Amy and her Jason, had it not been printed almost a century ago and in Britain. Here is my toast to a "Great Affinity". And to its place in history. Thank you, Amy. Thank you, Jason. Thank you, NYTimes. And thank you to all who feel love may transcend life itself
an d have the courage to shout it from the rooftops. Dear sweet Amy, we hear her today...
an d have the courage to shout it from the rooftops. Dear sweet Amy, we hear her today...
6
You write well, Dr. Bob Soloman, and express what is difficult to put into words. Thank you.
1
The letter from the Curator of the Loeb Fellowships at School of Design at Harvard pffering Amy his support where she will be -- it touched my heart and carried me to Richard Wilbur's poem about how the divine love lying hidden within us stirs when we look sensitively, imaginatively, love-seekingly around us, even at clothes blowing in the wind as they hang drying on a line. "Love Calls Us to The Things of This World".
Thanks, Harvard. We see you know this.
Thanks, Harvard. We see you know this.
3
Beautiful soul. I'm so sorry she is gone, but she has left her mark on all of us to be better people, to be kinder, more understanding, more generous. I will attempt to lead my life as Amy Rosenthal led hers. She is a hero among heroes! I will never forget her. Thank you for publishing her letter. It is enscribed upon my own heart.
2
Wow! Very moved! Talk about heart wrenching, my god! If baseball was your lover, the Babe pointing to right field & taking one out for little Timmy laying there in the hospital bed couldn't have been more poignant...
2
Dear Sweet Amy,
You loved him well
You loved him through thick and thin
You loved him immensely every day
Without questioning why
I suppose Jason is the lucky one
Because ...
There would not be for Jason the gift of splendorous and unconditional love
It it wasn't it for YOU!
May you rest in Peace among the angels.
May your Jason and your children find comfort in the wonderful memories and legacy you have left behind.
You loved him well
You loved him through thick and thin
You loved him immensely every day
Without questioning why
I suppose Jason is the lucky one
Because ...
There would not be for Jason the gift of splendorous and unconditional love
It it wasn't it for YOU!
May you rest in Peace among the angels.
May your Jason and your children find comfort in the wonderful memories and legacy you have left behind.
4
My husband of 40 years died of bladder cancer a year and a half ago. After the memorial, a dear friend sent me a sweet letter that said: "When you're ready, Gary will send someone to you."
I am still in mourning. I think I always will be. And yet, hope springs eternal. I'm sure that my husband, the most generous person I have ever known, is patiently waiting for me to be ready.
I am still in mourning. I think I always will be. And yet, hope springs eternal. I'm sure that my husband, the most generous person I have ever known, is patiently waiting for me to be ready.
6
I would love to meet your husband! How?
2
40 years with my wife - this brought me to tears......
9
This was so beautiful and touching, I read it to my 12 yr old son. He was even moved by the genuine and special love you shared with the wonderful Jason. You are the lucky one to have lived and known such a wonderful love. It was admittedly too short, but you packed a lot into it. I pray your family finds solace in your beautiful words. And thank you for leaving such a wonderful final piece of you. Just a few days ago, I had a conversation with my twin 18 yr old sons, home on spring break from their freshman year of college, and the subject of tattoos came up. With both considering the possibility of getting a tattoo at some point in the future. I incredulously asked, what could possibly be so important that you need to tattoo on your body forever? You gave me the answer (and a different perspective!) today. I'll call my boys tonight. Job well done! RIP Ms. Rosenthal.
3
AKR, what a bright wit and loving heart you had. I'm so sorry for your loss of life and your beautiful family's loss of you. What a tremendous grief they must have. I hope they know that because you let us all in, they are not alone, they are in many, many people's thoughts, wishing them all the best.
3
I do not usually comment, but this is so poignant and sadly, reminiscent of our life together. I, too, have cancer, and continue on chemo in an effort to be here with the love of my life, my wife. I am so blessed she still wants me here.
My heart goes out to Mr. Rosenthal, their children and their friends. It aches for you all. You were blessed to have been introduced and to have fostered such a love. I'm sure you nurtured one another and helped each other grow. That is the most precious legacy for your children.
My heart goes out to Mr. Rosenthal, their children and their friends. It aches for you all. You were blessed to have been introduced and to have fostered such a love. I'm sure you nurtured one another and helped each other grow. That is the most precious legacy for your children.
8
Now that she is gone, is it time to note that our ovaries aren't there to kill us? This is a preventable disease.
I'm not blaming the victim, rather the sickness-idustry-governmental-complicity bulwark against meaningful health information.
I'm not blaming the victim, rather the sickness-idustry-governmental-complicity bulwark against meaningful health information.
I was reading my twitter timeline and read about Amy's passing.
Truly heartbreaking and I send my prayers to Jason and the kids.
This was such a warm & fuzzy story until today.
I need to seek out more of Amy's writing.
Truly heartbreaking and I send my prayers to Jason and the kids.
This was such a warm & fuzzy story until today.
I need to seek out more of Amy's writing.
2
I cried.
8
I had the wonderful thrill of talking to Amy a couple of times at the Vine Conference at which she was a presenter and full-on participant. Hearing her voice in this column makes me cry. She blessed the world.
4
So sad yet soooo incredibly sweet...to love someone this way...what a wonderful person she must have been
2
RIP, Amy. Thank you for giving your husband a precious gift...the gift to love again. And, as the wife of a former widower, I am glad I have my own Jason who had someone like you.
3
What a fine tribute to a great husband, but I found the premise for the entire piece to be forced. A dating site description of a husband from a dying wife is concocted. It's a good enough original idea that the NY Times bit on it, but I'm sorry, this information is best saved for people who truly love the couple. Instead, the writer threw a fireworks party for herself AD. It's entertaining and empty. And the writer lives, even after death.
4
She would have lived on, anyway, through her words in her books. She is a writer, after all. Fiction is contrived, of course, because it is "not true," in the strict sense.
But so is nonfiction. The writing always reflects the writer's interpretation and values, to a greater or lesser extent. Are all memoirs contrived? Are all "specialized" memory, true life books? What of books where people recount their experience with physical or mental illnesses, addictions, spiritual struggles?
I liked this piece because it made me think. I am of a certain age, married 42 years to a Jason of my own. There was a time I truly struggled and he and my son hung in there. I would never be able to write as she did but I would hope for the same thing for my husband if I die first. So if one thinks it "contrived" or not, her essay hits home for me and perhaps others.
But so is nonfiction. The writing always reflects the writer's interpretation and values, to a greater or lesser extent. Are all memoirs contrived? Are all "specialized" memory, true life books? What of books where people recount their experience with physical or mental illnesses, addictions, spiritual struggles?
I liked this piece because it made me think. I am of a certain age, married 42 years to a Jason of my own. There was a time I truly struggled and he and my son hung in there. I would never be able to write as she did but I would hope for the same thing for my husband if I die first. So if one thinks it "contrived" or not, her essay hits home for me and perhaps others.
2
This is the way Ms. Rosenthal, as a gifted writer, wanted to share her love. It was her life, not anyone else's. What is it that people don't understand about that? She did not throw herself a "fireworks party." (what an odd thing to say). The essay, judging from well over one thousand comments, drew mostly positive feedback. Writers share personal stuff sometimes--that's what we do (although I wish I could write as well as Ms. Rosenthal).
I am glad she left this one last Valentine--for the world, as well as her husband.
I am glad she left this one last Valentine--for the world, as well as her husband.
3
Dear fellow warrior, my tears flow uncontrollably for you, for me, for all of us caught in this rank unfairness! How dare death steal our lives like this! I'm so angry that cancer could do this to an amazing human like you! I'm no one special, but you were! You were!!!
When the anger ebbs, what remains is how I marvel at your unselfish plea. You were so giving that your final concern was for your husband, your children, your family...not you.
May God give peace to your soul and give comfort and peace to your wonderful family. If tears can pave that path, know that these liquid bricks we all shed should provide a quantity that should be more than adequate for that path, however long.
I only hope to be as gracious when it is my time before my time.
When the anger ebbs, what remains is how I marvel at your unselfish plea. You were so giving that your final concern was for your husband, your children, your family...not you.
May God give peace to your soul and give comfort and peace to your wonderful family. If tears can pave that path, know that these liquid bricks we all shed should provide a quantity that should be more than adequate for that path, however long.
I only hope to be as gracious when it is my time before my time.
2
Rest in such sweet peace, Amy. One can only aspire to live as full and blessed a life as you seem to have lived. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
2
A beautiful love story with a very sad ending. I hope Ms. Rosenthal,will from some other place,after death,be able to see all the wonderful feelings she left for us strangers making comments. She reminds us that life can change drastically for anyone at any time. We must all remember to appreciate each person we love, family or friend and to enjoy the natural beauty that surrounds us in life,(even a dandelion growing out of the pavement). She has left a legacy behind in her writing that we all may enjoy. May she rest in peace now.
4
Dear John from Minneapolis,
I live with my wife of 28 years near Innsbruck, not far from her parents. I met her in Minneapolis, we fell in love there, where I was completing my masters. And later we returned there to raise our kids there. After reading your post, I sat down and wrote the story of how both my parents died of cancer, my mother at 51 and my father at 57. I guess I went 1800 over the word limit and when I tried to copy it before editing, it was lost.
John, i am sure you are prepared for this. You've been married 31 years to a wonderful woman. You know what makes her happy. You're good at it. Just keep doing it. Show her your A game. Let her do what she has to do.
And talk to her.
My dad was getting a lot of morphing to manage his pain and hadn't moved or spoke in three weeks. When I had to say goodbye to go back to my job in Chicago, I told him how I would miss him, how sorry I was this was happening to him, how I loved him and was proud of him. As I cried, he lifted his hand onto my shoulder, and spoke these terms of endearment, "now get outa here."
They were his last words to anyone. But I knew he heard our last words to him.
Bless you and your wife.
John
I live with my wife of 28 years near Innsbruck, not far from her parents. I met her in Minneapolis, we fell in love there, where I was completing my masters. And later we returned there to raise our kids there. After reading your post, I sat down and wrote the story of how both my parents died of cancer, my mother at 51 and my father at 57. I guess I went 1800 over the word limit and when I tried to copy it before editing, it was lost.
John, i am sure you are prepared for this. You've been married 31 years to a wonderful woman. You know what makes her happy. You're good at it. Just keep doing it. Show her your A game. Let her do what she has to do.
And talk to her.
My dad was getting a lot of morphing to manage his pain and hadn't moved or spoke in three weeks. When I had to say goodbye to go back to my job in Chicago, I told him how I would miss him, how sorry I was this was happening to him, how I loved him and was proud of him. As I cried, he lifted his hand onto my shoulder, and spoke these terms of endearment, "now get outa here."
They were his last words to anyone. But I knew he heard our last words to him.
Bless you and your wife.
John
Yellow has always been my favorite color, and now I understand why. Such love, such determination, such beautiful strength, such letting go. So impressed and moved.
1
A life lived so well - fully, consciously and with powerful love. I aspire to that and wish your family and friends the time and space to heal, then celebrate you just like you taught us - wherever and whenever it feels right. Thank you, thank you.
2
Rest in Piece, Amy. The world now knows of your remarkable life, and your wonderful husband.
2
This piece moved me greatly, making it even harder to read of Amy Krouse Rosenthal's passing today. I lost my husband in 2003 after a thankfully short 6-month fight with cancer. So much of that time his care and thoughts were of my well-being, my future, my happiness, even before we both admitted there was soon to be an end to "our" time. Like Ms. Rosenthal, he wanted me to move forward. I wish Mr. Rosenthal future happiness, wondrous memories, and the quick realization of this testament to Ms. Rosenthal's understanding that truly, Life Goes On.
4
I never thought I could imagine being jealous of a dying woman, but because of this article, I was. I am blessed to have a wonderful "Jason" of my own, who has seen me through two-near death experiences with love and support. I Hope someday he can find a fabulous woman with whom to find the jar!
2
RIP AKR. I just "met" you through reading this column but feel as if I've lost a BFF-forever.
1
In college, I frequented thrift shops, and one day picked up a copy of, "Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life" by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. I lived alone off-campus my senior year at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and decided to have my crew of friends over for a housewarming. I didn't yet have cable or internet installed, and my record player wasn't set up, so after a few rounds of adult beverages, we began to hand around "Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life," everyone taking their turns reading one entry. My dear friend Julie landed on a list poem, "11 Olive Stunts I Would Do For $5." She could hardly get through the 11 items, as the rest of us were laughing hysterically, rolling around on the carpeted floor. It remains one of my fondest memories from that period of my life. Particularly loved number 6 in the poem: I WOULD bring a wide range of olives—big, small, green, black, Greek—to one of those Sears portrait studios, and ask the guy to photograph this family of olives.
Was deeply saddened today hearing about Amy's passing, but also happily remembering that afternoon in September. My condolences to her friends and family.
Was deeply saddened today hearing about Amy's passing, but also happily remembering that afternoon in September. My condolences to her friends and family.
5
I'm so sad. Good-bye, Amy.
And now she is gone. Rest In Peace, dear girl.
1
God bless you both!
I am moved beyond comparison by your bravery & real reference to your everyday life with your Jason.....I start thinking of my "Jason" whose name is really Patrick because I feel the same way about him as you feel about your husband & now I have a renewed respect & love for the human conditions that make us HUMAN! May God bless your soul & may Jason find love for a 2nd time...my Patrick also lost his wife tragically & now we are starting our life hoping to end it as we grow old together..THANK YOU....
This amazing, courageous woman just died. This is just heart-breaking ....
This was a celebration of a beautiful marriage, and of a beautiful life.
Wow - Amy is no less amazing - heart wrenching
I read this article after seeing the notice of Amy's death. My heart is breaking for Amy and her family. Her love for her husband and her children comes through in a piece that I'm sure few people could write while filled with painkillers and near death.
I'm an old woman and I know that my life has been filled with questions that cannot be answered. Many were of the "Why me?" variety but a lot of them involved just this situation. Why did this loving, intelligent, talented woman get an early death when the world is filled with evil people who live long past fifty-one?
I'm an old woman and I know that my life has been filled with questions that cannot be answered. Many were of the "Why me?" variety but a lot of them involved just this situation. Why did this loving, intelligent, talented woman get an early death when the world is filled with evil people who live long past fifty-one?
1
When my wife of 29 years was still relatively healthy but dying of cancer, I asked her what she else wanted in her life, she said the same thing as Amy. More.
More time with family, more sunsets, more nights out together, just more.
Life changes in an instant when you hear that diagnosis. Live your more. Now.
More time with family, more sunsets, more nights out together, just more.
Life changes in an instant when you hear that diagnosis. Live your more. Now.
5
Powerful; profound! What a selfless woman to be thinking of a man who is, surely, her soulmate. There is no greater love than selfless love. No greater sacrifice. Such a terrific loss for the family, friends, and readers. I have great respect for anyone who puts other people's needs before their own. I'm so sorry to hear this love story end; so happy they had the years they did. Much love to those in her innermost circle.
1
I have a feeling that Jason will not lack for women who want to marry him, though clearly Sis, you are gong to be a tough act to follow. What you've written is such an amazing gift to all of us and I will be forever grateful for such an selfless act of love. Because I believe in a God of second, fiftieth and nine hundredth second chances, my prayer for you is just MORE - MORE Time with those you love; MORE Time to continue with your inspirational work; MORE Time to just be. No matter what your future holds, may you always experience the wondrous blessing of MORE GRACE. God Bless...
Beautiful essay. RIP.
1
Rest in peace Amy Krouse Rosenthal.
2
This is a wonderful story and it is wonderful to hear about the great loves in this world. I am so sorry that Amy Krouse Rosenthal has passed on from here. A truly emotional time for her family. I lost my husband 10 months ago from cancer. I miss him dearly every day. He was the love of my life and always will be just as Amy and Jason will share their intimate love. My prayers and thoughts to the Rosenthal family, may your new journey bring you the same happiness.
1
Not many people have such a way with words. What a beautiful writer with a gorgeous soul. You can see exactly the kind of woman, mother, and wife she was. Just from reading her words I feel so overcome with sadness that such a beautiful soul would be taken so soon from this earth. I wish deeply that I could have given her the more time she and her family wanted. Prayers for the family in this time of grief
1
RIP and condolences to a beloved husband, family and friends.
And thank you to the Times for this sad update.
And thank you to the Times for this sad update.
2
And now she is gone. I will never forget this column.
3
Dear Mrs. Rosenthal,
In one of those times you attended a concert at Green Mill Jazz club (precisely October last year), did you met 3 brazilians, one couple and a man and chatted a little before you left the place?
In one of those times you attended a concert at Green Mill Jazz club (precisely October last year), did you met 3 brazilians, one couple and a man and chatted a little before you left the place?
2
I feel for you and your husband, Amy. My husband I went to see his MD on 9/2/15, expecting to set a date for his cancer surgery. Instead, we were told it was inoperable and untreatable, and that he had days to weeks to live. I was a year away from my planned retirement at that time; he had just started his. I know you know the utter shock and nightmare quality of the days that followed. Hospice helped, and with their assitance and support, Paul lived another 6 months (we sent a big neener neener to his MD), and passed away in March 2016. It would not have occurrd to him to matchmake for me--we had been together nearly 40 years--but he did what he could to make matters easier for me after he left this world, everything from giving me how to's on driving his car to giving me his list of account passwords. I send you both my thoughts and good wishes. Your guy won't be alone forever...and he will always have you and the memory of what you were together.
4
When I first read the title I thought, "What!" "Wait maybe she's just talking up her husband for a relationship piece." What a relationship piece... I have to admit I skimmed through it.. reading here and there but the problem was each here or there made me want to read more. I felt sad and happy both at the same time. Sad for the wife's condition and happy because she loves her husband so much to do something like this.. now that's unconditional love. I'm kind of afraid to read more.. cause what if my interest got well more interest. You sound like a wonderful person. Maybe I'll come back and read it all the way through once my heart leaves my throat and resettles in my chest.
1
I just saw the news that Amy has passed, and it drove me back to this story which she presented to us -- was it only just 10 days ago? I wonder if her last word was indeed the same as her first -- "more" seems like a perfect word for her to go out on. Not just because she wanted more out of her life, but this essay made me realize I would have loved to hear more stories about her and Jason. And their family. And what an awesome woman she was to have been willing to pen this essay knowing she had just days left to get the "more" in her life that she so desperately wanted.
Godspeed Amy. Because of you, I know want "more" out of my life, and for my loved ones.
Godspeed Amy. Because of you, I know want "more" out of my life, and for my loved ones.
2
I just learned that Ms. Rosenthal passed away today. May she rest in peace. This was a beautiful and heartbreaking essay - what a love she and her husband must have had that her last piece of professional work was essentially a love letter to him.
2
Amy, you are missed.
1
Amy,
I read and enjoyed this beautiful essay before I knew this was you.
I fell in love with your books (still have them) when I moved to New York City in 1998. There was something about your style that made feel like I knew you. I adored your words. At the time, I had just started a dream job at Cliff Freeman & Partners and it filled me with pride when you said you loved our work. I was a fan. You were my random silly writer crush. Thank you for everything. You were wonderful.
I read and enjoyed this beautiful essay before I knew this was you.
I fell in love with your books (still have them) when I moved to New York City in 1998. There was something about your style that made feel like I knew you. I adored your words. At the time, I had just started a dream job at Cliff Freeman & Partners and it filled me with pride when you said you loved our work. I was a fan. You were my random silly writer crush. Thank you for everything. You were wonderful.
2
Sincere condolences to the family, as they lost Amy this morning. I bought the flower girls for my daughter's wedding yesterday Amy's lovely books. She made the world a better place. Peace now and rest up.
1
Illness has a way of totally redefining a relationship. And, let us be honest, WHICH illness is important. Thanks to celebrity involvement, breast and ovarian cancer put women on a pedestal. But, what of other illnesses?
I was first diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, with the accompanying tendon weakness and fatigue. I was told I'd probably always had it from my history, but the strength and determination of youth masked some of it. Pneumonia and exhaustion seemed to lower my defenses enough to allow it to dominate. It is now called rheumatoid disease because people here arthritis, and think that two Aleve solve all.
I then had breast cancer, and was treated like a princess. The media has been successful.
But, there has been no focus on my husband who cleans, cooks meals, walks the dogs, shops, and does many things I learned women should do. And, he does it in addition to being an exceptional engineer. However, as illness has come to define our relationship, I wonder about a second marriage. It isn't that I don't want to see him happy. It is that he has become so much of a caregiver, I worry that someone will take advantage of him. So many things related to care giving are now second nature to him.
I was first diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, with the accompanying tendon weakness and fatigue. I was told I'd probably always had it from my history, but the strength and determination of youth masked some of it. Pneumonia and exhaustion seemed to lower my defenses enough to allow it to dominate. It is now called rheumatoid disease because people here arthritis, and think that two Aleve solve all.
I then had breast cancer, and was treated like a princess. The media has been successful.
But, there has been no focus on my husband who cleans, cooks meals, walks the dogs, shops, and does many things I learned women should do. And, he does it in addition to being an exceptional engineer. However, as illness has come to define our relationship, I wonder about a second marriage. It isn't that I don't want to see him happy. It is that he has become so much of a caregiver, I worry that someone will take advantage of him. So many things related to care giving are now second nature to him.
2
You do make good points. Caregiving and care partnership are hard no matter the disease: Cancer, RD, ALS, MS, dementia, Parkinson's,TBI, paralysis... And some diseases are seemingly more acceptable or seen as more heroic than others or as more an object of a "battle." In some cases, apparently in yours, cancer can be cured. In others, it cannot. But RD, ALS, Parkinson's, dementia will never be cured. And some diseases rob aspects of the person--dementias, for example--though the person is still a person whom we have loved but is unrecognizable to us and seemingly themselves.
This does not subtract from this author's wonderful love affair and death, though. We can learn from her words.
But we can also learn from yours and your experiences. You have certainly made me think. Perhaps you can see your way to writing a piece for the NYT or another publication.
Wishing strength for you and your family...
This does not subtract from this author's wonderful love affair and death, though. We can learn from her words.
But we can also learn from yours and your experiences. You have certainly made me think. Perhaps you can see your way to writing a piece for the NYT or another publication.
Wishing strength for you and your family...
2
Man.. I recently learned of your passing Amy and I heard of your story.. I know you can hear me in heaven.. and I hope your in gods arms now.. this story has touched my heart.. and I cant lie I have shed a tear or two.. How heart breaking.. you thought of not yourself but your husband in your last days with us on this earth.. and that takes a special person.. and To Jason and his children I am truly sorry that you not only lost your wife, and your mother.. but a very special person.. I wish I could have known her.. Rest in Peace Amy and be in gods hands.. and my condolences to the family.
1
I just read that she passed away today at 51 years old.
Amy, you will be missed. As a librarian, I loved your children's books. I also enjoyed Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.
Your life was anything BUT ordinary. It appears that you lived your dream: had your dream man, children and profession.
Gone too soon but what a mark you have made. 51 is too young.
Rest in Peace.
Amy, you will be missed. As a librarian, I loved your children's books. I also enjoyed Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.
Your life was anything BUT ordinary. It appears that you lived your dream: had your dream man, children and profession.
Gone too soon but what a mark you have made. 51 is too young.
Rest in Peace.
7
Dear Amy,
What a beautiful testament to your love for your husband. I read this article on my way to work, sitting on a bus with strangers. I was drawn to both your unselfish love for your husband as well as your very real feelings of frustration of the love and life that cancer is taking from you. When I got to the end of the article, I read your name and instantly recognized that you are not just a writer, but THE writer of some of my favorite children's books. I gave my son Plant a Kiss 5 years ago on Valentines Day and from that day on, we have both been transfixed by the message the book conveys. Your book has become a mainstay in our reading. I have marveled at your ability to convey love and acceptance in such few words. I am so saddened by your illness. It sucks that cancer is taking away such an amazing influence for our children. And yet it is awesome that you have shared your gifts with our children in the first place. Thank you.
What a beautiful testament to your love for your husband. I read this article on my way to work, sitting on a bus with strangers. I was drawn to both your unselfish love for your husband as well as your very real feelings of frustration of the love and life that cancer is taking from you. When I got to the end of the article, I read your name and instantly recognized that you are not just a writer, but THE writer of some of my favorite children's books. I gave my son Plant a Kiss 5 years ago on Valentines Day and from that day on, we have both been transfixed by the message the book conveys. Your book has become a mainstay in our reading. I have marveled at your ability to convey love and acceptance in such few words. I am so saddened by your illness. It sucks that cancer is taking away such an amazing influence for our children. And yet it is awesome that you have shared your gifts with our children in the first place. Thank you.
4
Thank you. Thank you so much for making me realise how lucky we all are to be on this earth. I am awed by your bravery, that you can embrace the fact that your husband will have to move on eventually and that you clearly feel no bitterness towards this. That in itself is a beautiful thing. But please, please don't forget that even if he does move on, he will never forget you and I am sure that you will forever be in his heart. I wish you a miracle and hope that somehow you make it through this.
4
Dear Amy. I pray you are still with us! You are a loving, talented woman and the planet has ben enriched because you followed your talent. Thank you for the beautiful books. God bless you and your husband and family. You are in God's very beautiful hands. God bless you.
I am not sure if this letter will ever find its way to you, and if it does, if you will even be able to read it. I hope your children have the fortune hear them. To know how gracious, noble and strong you are. I have must have been living under a rock, as your article has only now found its way across my screen. I don’t know if there is an accurate adjective in the English language to describe how I felt when reading your words. Not because your husband sounds like a man that any woman in her right mind would love to be with (because he does… much like the character of my dad), but because in your time of need, your act of complete selflessness has left me awestruck!
So, I commend your unbelievable demonstration of character. I am only saddened by the fact that we never had the chance to get to know one another. I am without a doubt certain we would have become fast, close friends. We have much in common. Strength of character being the binding force. I must tell you however, I do believe, whoever the lucky woman is that ends up with that lovely man you described, she will be living in your shadow. I cannot imagine he will be transitioning from YOU to just anyone very easily.
As you make this next step in your journey, my wish for you is PEACE. Having helped my oldest friend through this 6 years ago I can already see you have the grace. Try to surround yourself with love and white light. There is a special place in heaven for you.
With Much Respect,
So, I commend your unbelievable demonstration of character. I am only saddened by the fact that we never had the chance to get to know one another. I am without a doubt certain we would have become fast, close friends. We have much in common. Strength of character being the binding force. I must tell you however, I do believe, whoever the lucky woman is that ends up with that lovely man you described, she will be living in your shadow. I cannot imagine he will be transitioning from YOU to just anyone very easily.
As you make this next step in your journey, my wish for you is PEACE. Having helped my oldest friend through this 6 years ago I can already see you have the grace. Try to surround yourself with love and white light. There is a special place in heaven for you.
With Much Respect,
1
I wish I had the pleasure of knowing you sooner. I was married in 1989, close to the same age as you were married. There was 6 years between my first and second child, but had I had a child in those years, I would have been an empty-nester too, around the same time as you. I'm so sorry for the devastating news you had, at a time when you were ready for the next chapter in yours and Jason's life. I know what you mean when you talk about Jason bringing home cheese and olives...that was my favorite part of the day too. So much of what you say, I understand... Because it comes from being in a marriage for over 25 years. And because you married an amazing guy! You two made a beautiful life together. Your love is incredibly strong and it will last beyond this time on earth. That love will guide Jason. And just as he found you, he will find the right person, in the right time. Thank you for writing this. I understand that too. I'm praying for you, Jason, and your children. And know that I will keep all in my prayers, everyday.
1
Amy - I have not read your writings before. But you are a well-spoken woman. I may be 4-5 years younger than your husband, but I'm Jewish (presume you both are?). Sounds awkward to say, but he sounds like my kind of man. I hail from California, with southern & midwestern roots. I am single...
2
Dear Amy, I wish you to know that you have given me something that until today no one has yet the courage to tell me - the truth and living. Two years ago, due to silly company reshuffle, things were were getting so unbearable, the thought of just quitting was daily on my mind. I soldiered on because of my kids (one at 77yrs and the other grumpier 84yrs). Everyday was like a walk through Sodom and Gamorrah, harassed by new policies and near nonsensical ways introduced by people who may have bought their degrees from the dollar shop. Two weeks and some days ago, I collapsed in office. Scans were done and me was shipped home after a few days rest at the human garage. Reports came back, apart from a very mild (unconfirmed) stroke called TIA, also noted that you-have-a-tumour-in-your-head-i'm-sorry... now I know how a frozen TV dinner feels like in a microwave oven on high. Haven't given real thought of doing anything until I came across your letter, and mind you, I haven't wet my eyes in a long time. But the graciousness of your selflessness (Buddhism may frown on these words) is most welcomed for my fevered soul. I will pray for you and may your generosity bless your family.. Yours sincerely, from the other side of town, W.T.W
2
Maybe Jason is capable of finding his own person. Obviously you've had a great relationship but sounds like its Jason who's the hero of this story. In which case, can't you jut let him be?
3
Such negative vibes. Just wow.
13
I think you are failing to see the deeper meaning in this letter -- both a love letter to her husband, to life and even to you.
1
Are you kidding me? Did you actually read this?
2
I've been married for 38 years but cannot come close to this. I envy this kind of marriage. A marriage this "full", even if cut short, is better than a long miserable marriage. It is only human to want "more", but more will be in heaven. Thank you for sharing this.
11
Amy you are brave and amazing. The fact that you are using humor to diffuse such a heartbreaking diagnoses speaks volumes about who you are as a person. I'm sure, no I KNOW, that Jason is going to be beside himself with grief because you are so special. I can speak from experience as I am in the same position that he will sadly be in one day. (I'm holding out hope that you will live much longer than you believe.) <3
I too, had a Jason. My husband Kevin was gorgeous, brilliant, sweet, kind, goofy, thoughtful and incredibly fun. I knew him from the age of 15, but didn't connect until 10 years later. It was kismet, and I was blessed to have had a wonderful, loving partnership just as you and your husband. We were best friends for over 21 years and have 2 amazing children-17 and 19. Like the two of you, we were on the verge of an empty nest when he died in a skiing accident while on vacation last December. He was only 48. To say that my heart is broken defies all possibility while you are standing outside looking in at such a tragedy. It is the most difficult thing that I've ever been through. However, I am doing my best to move forward with memories, love and humor to create the best case scenario for us despite his tremendous loss. I love that you and your husband have created such beautiful memories as a couple and as a family. Keep forging on in these days to create more. He will be grateful. I know that I will cherish every last moment that I had with my husband.
I too, had a Jason. My husband Kevin was gorgeous, brilliant, sweet, kind, goofy, thoughtful and incredibly fun. I knew him from the age of 15, but didn't connect until 10 years later. It was kismet, and I was blessed to have had a wonderful, loving partnership just as you and your husband. We were best friends for over 21 years and have 2 amazing children-17 and 19. Like the two of you, we were on the verge of an empty nest when he died in a skiing accident while on vacation last December. He was only 48. To say that my heart is broken defies all possibility while you are standing outside looking in at such a tragedy. It is the most difficult thing that I've ever been through. However, I am doing my best to move forward with memories, love and humor to create the best case scenario for us despite his tremendous loss. I love that you and your husband have created such beautiful memories as a couple and as a family. Keep forging on in these days to create more. He will be grateful. I know that I will cherish every last moment that I had with my husband.
10
You will be sorely missed, Amy. Thank you for this beautiful story.
8
What a wonderful caring woman you are Amy which is why your man Jason is so wonderful. You have made him that way. Now you are trying to make everything continue for him after he loses the love of his life! This in itself is so beautifully selfless and I do hope that he may find happiness again but I truly believe you will always be with him in spirit and I hope he will feel your presence. God bless you both and your lovely family.
1
Amy, I opened up People magazine this afternoon and saw your familiar smiling face-I did a double take and read your story. I am to say the least, saddened by your diagnosis, but uplifted by the happy message you want to send your husband, family and the world. I am not surprised at all-I remember you as a very happy, light and fun person who always had a smile on your face when we were growing up in Northbrook and Lake Forest. You have given your husband such a beautiful gift, but you have also given so many a reminder that we need to cherish everyday we have together with the people we love and to live in today, not yesterday, tomorrow or the "what ifs". Your journey is not over! I think it has just begun and will live on forever as your message spreads all over the world-you have made a lasting impression. You have made a difference in many people's lives with your written and spoken "gifts". You remind us all to hug a little tighter, love a little more, tread a little lighter and just LIVE! Thank you! XO Louise
2
Anyone who gets a recommendation letter from an "ex-spouse"? Probably is the best vouching possible in this world because ex's reports are usually about turning states evidence, embezzling testimony and general dissing of a character that no mortal can survive. Now...I have such a recommendation and I have to say I am most proud of it, that after 3 children and 20 years together? We still have each others back. You can reach me at.......
You and Jason give me hope. Thank you for this.
Regards
Regards
3
Dear: Amy You are such a wonderful woman trying to look for some one to stay with your Jason once you departure , but I tell you something first of all I am a Christian single mother with two boys one already married and I have my second boy who is a 11 years old, but the main thing for me is always to pray to Jesus our savour and he always heard my prayers and helped me with a lot of problems I went all those years and believe or not I am a witness of Jesus's power because he did so much good things in my life and now backing into your story Amy why you don't live in Jesus'hands let him have the control of all your worries and sickness and pray to our Lord to hill you he is so powerful and almighty that there is nothing impossible for him , things that for humans is impossible for God is possible so you just need to believe and have faith like says in Hebrews 11:1 say : Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,the evidence of things not seen. And nothing will be impossible for you . Okay Amy I will keep you in my prayers for God to heal you and be happy again with your lovely husband Jason okay. God bless you all the best for both of you. Regards Fiorella
This has to be one of the sweetest love stories from the most unselfish women, ever.
1
Dear Amy,
- the precious time you took on writing this love letter -
is paying forward - for Jason, your kids, and all of us, your readers.
All of us who read this letter will also make it pay backwards -
and give you a writer's voice for a long time to come ...
To start: #1 on the NYT bestseller list for your memoir and your children's books.. .
- the precious time you took on writing this love letter -
is paying forward - for Jason, your kids, and all of us, your readers.
All of us who read this letter will also make it pay backwards -
and give you a writer's voice for a long time to come ...
To start: #1 on the NYT bestseller list for your memoir and your children's books.. .
1
All I can say is Wow! What an amazing woman you are. Prayers for you Amy and your family. I pray for a miracle for healing. Without a doubt a woman would be blessed to have him. He wouldn't be that man you described without you in his life. Any woman would be crazy not to swipe right. Hugs and prayers
2
You read this, and alongside the tears that well up, the recollection of what happiness reads like, you think, 'okay, she wants him to find someone when she passes away.' It's a natural idea. But no, Amy was more than that. She knew her lover well, what they had and how it would be difficult to conceive ever moving on from their beautiful memory - out of a dark, defeating pain that comes from a hollowed chest. She wants him to, she needs him to. He's too magnificent to go on without the joy she saw him live in, during her short precious life. I pray he does. I pray you see him as happy as you loved doing so, Amy, when you made this life much more than ordinary together. Great, true love would ask for no less.
You are a wonderful & powerful person
2
I don't know you, but i know your books and the joy they have brought my family. I openly wept when I read this beautiful tribute to your husband and the life you created together, as well as the one you will not get to have. I am so very sorry. My family has long loved your books. Little Pea has been read to and read by all four of my kids. We just read it a few days ago. Thank you for the reminder of the importance of more and now. You are leaving a wonderful legacy. Peace be with you and your family during this terrible time. And thank you again for touching our lives.
1
Prayers for more for you and Jason, your family and friends and your readers. Thank you for giving us more
Amy, my dear,
Can I call you dear?
Your letter was published on the day of my 51st birthday.
I only came into it by chance, in the internet, a week later. Today.
It made me sad.
We have the same age, but your kids
are all adults and my kids are early teens. Different timings.
You love Jason and Jason loves you, non-stop, since 26 years ago!
That made me happy.
What you called " a general profile",
was an elaborate description of love, fulfillment, happiness. Not general at all.
A perspective that only Amy could give. This is her Jason.
All those possible candidates would be looking for a "Jason" they would never find. He would never be able to fill those shoes!! Can you imagine the expectations of perfection? Poor guy...
Amy, your Plan BE must be your Plan A-ME!
This wonderful husband, father, cook, everything! is Amy's Jason!
Come on, girl, keep your Jason to yourself.
With all my heart
Luciana
(Sorry for my english, I am not a native speaker.)
Can I call you dear?
Your letter was published on the day of my 51st birthday.
I only came into it by chance, in the internet, a week later. Today.
It made me sad.
We have the same age, but your kids
are all adults and my kids are early teens. Different timings.
You love Jason and Jason loves you, non-stop, since 26 years ago!
That made me happy.
What you called " a general profile",
was an elaborate description of love, fulfillment, happiness. Not general at all.
A perspective that only Amy could give. This is her Jason.
All those possible candidates would be looking for a "Jason" they would never find. He would never be able to fill those shoes!! Can you imagine the expectations of perfection? Poor guy...
Amy, your Plan BE must be your Plan A-ME!
This wonderful husband, father, cook, everything! is Amy's Jason!
Come on, girl, keep your Jason to yourself.
With all my heart
Luciana
(Sorry for my english, I am not a native speaker.)
2
This is a wonderful article/love letter/want ad all rolled into one. I want to hug Amy, meet Jason, and pray for a miracle so they can have more time with each other. Sending positive energy your way. God speed, Amy. You're one terrific lady and writer.
1
This marriage is already a success, seemingly a rare find these days. \
even after we conquer cancer, there will still persist those conditions that leave us wondering, ""Why? Why did it have to happen to me?'' Or, ''Why our family?''
For the Believer in Jesus, of course, some of the pain is wrapped up in a knowledge that there is a second act.
We have to hope things work out for this good man and their adult children.
even after we conquer cancer, there will still persist those conditions that leave us wondering, ""Why? Why did it have to happen to me?'' Or, ''Why our family?''
For the Believer in Jesus, of course, some of the pain is wrapped up in a knowledge that there is a second act.
We have to hope things work out for this good man and their adult children.
Wow. I am sure you are what made him who he is now, in great part. I can imagine how broken-hearted he will when you pass. I hope and pray for a miracle for you. If there is no miracle - I send you my love and hope you will not suffer to much. And I wish Jason and your children to be strong and united. And yes, your Jason sounds wonderful, a man who deserves to find love again.
Stay strong, all the love in the world to you all.
Stay strong, all the love in the world to you all.
2
A magnificent tribute and love story is found between the lines of your search for Jason's next wife. Equally as valuable is the fact your children and some day their children will cherish it too.
I lost my first husband suddenly many years ago and he continues to be a part of our lives (there are six of us now) not only in the faces and actions of my grown children and grandchildren, but in the stories we we share. Tragically, you are leaving in the physical sense, however your loving and powerful spirit remains .
Thank you is inadequate for what you did by publishing your story. I will treasure it and share it.
I lost my first husband suddenly many years ago and he continues to be a part of our lives (there are six of us now) not only in the faces and actions of my grown children and grandchildren, but in the stories we we share. Tragically, you are leaving in the physical sense, however your loving and powerful spirit remains .
Thank you is inadequate for what you did by publishing your story. I will treasure it and share it.
7
What a wonderful heart you have! I only wish that there was some way that I could offer my life in exchange for yours. Jason needs *you* to stay in his life, not some replacement. I don't really pray much, but any healing energy I have is being sent your way now.
Much ❤ to you.
Much ❤ to you.
9
Dear Amy
You really are a strong brave lady! It's easy to see why your marriage and love for each other are still blossoming.... I hope with all my heart that your wish and prayers for J will be answered so that you can find peace knowing one day he will be able to pick up the pieces and live out your wish and be happy till you meet again!
You really are a strong brave lady! It's easy to see why your marriage and love for each other are still blossoming.... I hope with all my heart that your wish and prayers for J will be answered so that you can find peace knowing one day he will be able to pick up the pieces and live out your wish and be happy till you meet again!
I would marry him too and I m a hetero dude.
I hope that made you laugh.
And while i may never meet you or your family know behind this keyboard is a person who wishes he could be there to be a shoulder for all of you to lean on.
I hope that made you laugh.
And while i may never meet you or your family know behind this keyboard is a person who wishes he could be there to be a shoulder for all of you to lean on.
5
Emotions were upon me reading this wonderful article. I have enjoyed some of her books as a mom and as a librarian. During my story time for my K-2 students yesterday, we prayed for Amy and her family then read "Little Pea" in her honor. I work for a Catholic school so this was a natural for us to do knowing about the situation. Blessing to Amy and her family. Know that all the way to Minnesota and back, people are caring and praying!
1
I wish I could send you "more"-- of everything. Thank you for sharing. I almost lost my husband (married, 1982) in 2013-- Thank you for inspiring me to share with my husband what hasmade him so special to me. Love and peace to you all.
1
My late wife recommended her successor, with whom I've now been married 30 years. It was the ultimate act of love and did much--as I'm sure was intended--to assuage the inevitable guilt felt by the surviving spouse...
6
Moved beyond words. Jason, I wish you love, happiness and being a middle-aged widow myself, I can relate to your loss.
Amy sounded like an amazing woman, who I would’ve liked to have met. I lost my Marty in 2011, and moved to Florida for a new life. Some people felt I was running away, rather than facing the fact he’s gone. Actually, I felt the sun might be good for my soul. I was right!!! It helped me to put life in prospective. Reading Amy’s letter was like a charge went through me telling myself to get the nerve and write you.
I am a native Ohio now a Floridian, and loving it in Sarasota Fl. I am a widow who has now become ready to meet the next love of my life.
I have not been good at putting myself out there to meet gentlemen. Shy maybe, but willing to send an olive branch to meet you. Amy described, you so eloquently, and this is something I feel compelled to do. I hope this note finds you sending you my sincere condolences.
[email protected]
Amy sounded like an amazing woman, who I would’ve liked to have met. I lost my Marty in 2011, and moved to Florida for a new life. Some people felt I was running away, rather than facing the fact he’s gone. Actually, I felt the sun might be good for my soul. I was right!!! It helped me to put life in prospective. Reading Amy’s letter was like a charge went through me telling myself to get the nerve and write you.
I am a native Ohio now a Floridian, and loving it in Sarasota Fl. I am a widow who has now become ready to meet the next love of my life.
I have not been good at putting myself out there to meet gentlemen. Shy maybe, but willing to send an olive branch to meet you. Amy described, you so eloquently, and this is something I feel compelled to do. I hope this note finds you sending you my sincere condolences.
[email protected]
1
This is beautiful.
1
The tears race down my cheeks. It seems they're in a marathon running over each other to get to the finish line. My heart goes out to Jason. He sounds like the perfect hubby to have. How do you find happiness when the love of your life lives somewhere else? It reminds me of my Dad after my Mom died. It broke my heart to see his loneliness without her. He died a year and a half later and we (their ten kids) all agree he died of a broken heart from losing my Mom. I'm sure the children have many memories to stir up all their emotions but my heart goes out to them too as I know too well all the times in their lives (the big events and the small ones and all those days where you just wish to God she was here) that will come and go with such a strong yearning to hear her laughter or feel her touch. My heart goes out to everyone who has been blessed to have her in their lives including her audience. I'm sure their hearts are broken at this news. When people share themselves with you as she does through her writing, you become so much more than words on paper. People depend on you to make them smile, think, cry, or feel as much as they depend on the white space of page to make the words visible. This marathon may never end. So sad.
2
I would love to be with someone like him but there is no way I could even come close to replacing you. I would love to make someone happy the way that you made him happy but I don't think I could measure up to you. I have never made someone else happy the way you did him. I hope that I have the chance before I get too old.
I hope that you can find someone who can make him nearly as happy as you did
I hope that you can find someone who can make him nearly as happy as you did
4
No, but you may make someone happy in your own way and that someone do so for you. I have never believed there is only one, almost perfect partnership out there and that we have to just find "the one."
Like Amy, I felt, in some way, I "matched" my future husband from early on. Whether he did, I do not think I will ever know;nor do I want to. We had five and a half years of friendship before marrying. The relationship grew and evolved. It started small, though. The idea of marriage evolved. There was no proposal, no big engagement party.
We are still together after 42 years and many ups and downs. We are still friends, though in different places in our lives. He retired. I have gone from part-time back to full-time work. For me, so much of life is serendipity.
In my opinion, nobody--we or our friends or our partners--is some ideal, a plaster saint. Neither is her Jason. Nor is she. Remember that, and do not be hard on yourself. Be yourself.
I hope you do find happiness and a soul mate.
Like Amy, I felt, in some way, I "matched" my future husband from early on. Whether he did, I do not think I will ever know;nor do I want to. We had five and a half years of friendship before marrying. The relationship grew and evolved. It started small, though. The idea of marriage evolved. There was no proposal, no big engagement party.
We are still together after 42 years and many ups and downs. We are still friends, though in different places in our lives. He retired. I have gone from part-time back to full-time work. For me, so much of life is serendipity.
In my opinion, nobody--we or our friends or our partners--is some ideal, a plaster saint. Neither is her Jason. Nor is she. Remember that, and do not be hard on yourself. Be yourself.
I hope you do find happiness and a soul mate.
I went thru the same thing with my husband of 20 years. He was diagnosed with brain cancer in Nov 2015, 15 months to live. He lived exactly 15 months. While I can't imagine moving on, I'd expect him to if the situation were reversed. Life should not be over at age 51.
3
Amy, your story warms the heart. You two have something very special. As much as it is important to you to set up your love with a new love it is equally important that your love be ready to accept a new love when it is found.
I lost my love in 2006. I had a chance to set a new course with a wonderful woman a year later. But grief still had a hold on my heart and I could not not let it go in time. Letting go of the grief is essential, holding onto precious memories is. No new love will ask that those would be set aside.
Use the time you have to steel that heart that is so close. Your love is strong and its loss will be consuming for some time to come. The 5 stages of grief are not sequential. You get tossed into a washing machine and tumbled until you can take no more. Friends are essential. All they have to do is listen to the agony and suggest something to do when you tumble out of the washing machine. It will be my hope that your love finds a path out of pain and accepts new love when it is found buts hold your memory close in his heart.
Still looking.
I lost my love in 2006. I had a chance to set a new course with a wonderful woman a year later. But grief still had a hold on my heart and I could not not let it go in time. Letting go of the grief is essential, holding onto precious memories is. No new love will ask that those would be set aside.
Use the time you have to steel that heart that is so close. Your love is strong and its loss will be consuming for some time to come. The 5 stages of grief are not sequential. You get tossed into a washing machine and tumbled until you can take no more. Friends are essential. All they have to do is listen to the agony and suggest something to do when you tumble out of the washing machine. It will be my hope that your love finds a path out of pain and accepts new love when it is found buts hold your memory close in his heart.
Still looking.
9
I took Amy's Copywriter Portfolio class in 1997. She was an incredible teacher and has continued to inspire me with her clever work for the last 25 years. She taught me to stay true to myself and stand up for myself in a very male dominated industry, which eventually lead me to start Quiplip Cards. I'm very sad to hear she's ill. Massive hugs to her and her family. She made a difference in my life and many, many others.
6
How about what Jason thinks. We all can agree that Jason has a mind of his own, and that he is entitled to decide whether or not he want to grieve by himself or not. I see this letter as intrusive. Even the author knows Jason very well and it seems that they are soulmates, still, this is not an excuse to try to control Jason's life. If he wants to date, then it should be him to look for the woman, not the wife, despite of the circumstances.
4
Trudy, you missed the true meaning Amy's message.
6
I'll tell you what Jason thinks, since I may be in the same boat as him. He DOES NOT think this letter is intrusive. He DOES NOT think his wife is trying to control his life. He IS touched by his wife's concern for his life after she passes. He IS heartbroken and crying as he reads this letter...
4
I understand where you are coming from but it may be righteous for us to not to impose any judgement on Mary. This is by far the one of the most touching prose of the year for many of us. Yes the liberalism worths every penny but every bit of Mary's text at her state of affair deserves praise and support. Not judgement.
2
This was a beautiful piece of writing and it was deeply touching. In 2010 I lost my wife of 25 years, Maureen, a brilliant, beautiful and loving soul mate. During our second year together we found out she had breast cancer and she dealt with this in a way that inspired me every day we were together for the next 23 years. Today she remains my biggest hero and role model of how to be a truly good and giving person.
Toward the end, she began giving me suggestions as to how I might go about dating...this person she knew, a single neighbor or a description of someone kind and genuine at the high school where she taught. She didn't want me to be alone just as she couldn't bear leaving. We had a beautiful marriage despite the illness that followed us around for 23 years...everyone saw that. All the treatments, the false hopes, the remissions...despite all this we had the most amazing experiences and adventures together. I will always be grateful for the time we had.
And lo and behold, four years after her death, after searching for someone I knew had to exist, I remarried to a wonderful woman, Sheila, who has those same high qualities of integrity and goodness yet is also completely unique and amazing in her own right.
All I can say to Ron is, take your time and keep your mind open. Feel confident that the goodness and love you gave to your first relationship will come back to you in many ways.
And all I can say to Maureen is - you are an inspiration everyday.
Toward the end, she began giving me suggestions as to how I might go about dating...this person she knew, a single neighbor or a description of someone kind and genuine at the high school where she taught. She didn't want me to be alone just as she couldn't bear leaving. We had a beautiful marriage despite the illness that followed us around for 23 years...everyone saw that. All the treatments, the false hopes, the remissions...despite all this we had the most amazing experiences and adventures together. I will always be grateful for the time we had.
And lo and behold, four years after her death, after searching for someone I knew had to exist, I remarried to a wonderful woman, Sheila, who has those same high qualities of integrity and goodness yet is also completely unique and amazing in her own right.
All I can say to Ron is, take your time and keep your mind open. Feel confident that the goodness and love you gave to your first relationship will come back to you in many ways.
And all I can say to Maureen is - you are an inspiration everyday.
5
Magnificent writing. Thank you for sharing and adding so much to our world.
2
Amy just pray...for your lovely husbands sake..miracles happen
Dear Amy,
Your heart is nothing but Gold! Your story is truly inspiring. It is indeed a true meaning of selfless love. Your husband is so lucky to have you and i hope one day he will find someone as wonderful as you. I can say, you both are so lucky to have each other. If given a chance to marry again, i will find your husband and cherish him the way you do.
Your heart is nothing but Gold! Your story is truly inspiring. It is indeed a true meaning of selfless love. Your husband is so lucky to have you and i hope one day he will find someone as wonderful as you. I can say, you both are so lucky to have each other. If given a chance to marry again, i will find your husband and cherish him the way you do.
To Amy and the Rosenthal Family,
Through this essay I discovered Amy's work, and while I have just skimmed the surface her whimsy and optimism in approaching life it has shown Amy has "made the most of her time here." I hope that all of us commenting and touched by Amy's works will continue her efforts to make the world a better place one random event at a time. My thoughts and prayers to you during this difficult time.
Through this essay I discovered Amy's work, and while I have just skimmed the surface her whimsy and optimism in approaching life it has shown Amy has "made the most of her time here." I hope that all of us commenting and touched by Amy's works will continue her efforts to make the world a better place one random event at a time. My thoughts and prayers to you during this difficult time.
1
Loved it. How about your sons?
Wishing you more in every sense,
N.
Wishing you more in every sense,
N.
5
Hi Jason,
Love to meet you!
Love to meet you!
Hell Amy, I'm a solid hetero manly man and I'd like to marry your husband... sounds like a smart & fun guy, excellent husband and Dad. You both seem like the exact people this world needs right now. May your coming journey be on wings of angels.
4
I wish can gift you a part of my life to you to allow you spend more time with your love and family.
1
What a beautiful woman you are! But let me tell you this: my sister in law suffered from breast cancer and she said to my brother she wants him to find a new wife after she has died and she wants him to be happy. Whenever she said that, he always replied, that he did not want another woman, because nobody in the world could take her place and he really meant that, from the bottom of his heart! But she did not give up and asked him to promise her to look for another wife and he did. Then she died and my brother was heart-broken, because he loved her so much. He did not have the wish to find someone else for a long time. At first he was living with his memories and even wanted to write a book about his beloved wife, but he was not a born writer and did not know how to do that. Then he started to travel. Maybe he thought he could escape his pain. He needed a while to settle down after the shock of her death, though he knew it would happen soon. After a few years he started to date again, he did it in his own pace and now he is in a happy relationship, but his former wife has still a big part in his heart and will be always remembered and never forgotten!
I admire you for being such a nice human being and loving wife to your husband. Please allow him to be sad and take his time. It is YOU who counts for him and who he cares for and I am sure that he does not want to think of anybody else at present. My heart goes out to you!
I admire you for being such a nice human being and loving wife to your husband. Please allow him to be sad and take his time. It is YOU who counts for him and who he cares for and I am sure that he does not want to think of anybody else at present. My heart goes out to you!
1
Oh, to find a woman like you! (I've been trying.) Perhaps more importantly... Oh, to be a man like your husband! (Again, I've been trying.)
7
This is an absolutely beautiful tribute to your (majestic?!) husband. I have often thought that if I should die young, and leave my darling husband without the doting life partner he has in me, that I hope he finds another good woman to cherish and amuse him for the rest of his days. I never realized until now, though, what a noble wish that is. I can't imagine how hard it must be to let go of . . . everything, but I deeply admire your desire to leave your beloved husband in good hands. I have no doubt that your impassioned tribute will serve him well. And that he (and she, too) will love you for it, always. God speed.
3
no sue I could ever be that generous and I too have a good husband
1
Sad. Also wonderful that you're so selfless. God bless you and your family.
2
Please, just enjoy your time on earth with your husband. It's not your duty to find him another wife. I could barely get through your story; it was filled with such self-torture.
It's ok to be selfish. It's ok to be sad. You deserve to feel all of the feelings that your keeping locked up in this prison of yours.
I don't know if you believe in God, but He is right there with you both during this tragic and difficult time.
It's ok to be selfish. It's ok to be sad. You deserve to feel all of the feelings that your keeping locked up in this prison of yours.
I don't know if you believe in God, but He is right there with you both during this tragic and difficult time.
6
She's being poetic, not literal. She is using the "dating profile" to share how much she adores, loves and cares for her husband.
5
Dearest Amy:
I have read and will continue to read your love letter and those who have responded for the rest of my life. I will learn and carry your love, your wisdom and your incredible bravery to my grave.
I am 68! I married my childhood sweetheart. We celebrated our 50th last December. I tell you this because I STILL WANT #MORE!!Those that find this type of love ALWAYS WILL. It is infectious....and it spreads with such ease if we allow it. I read your responders and KNOW they have been moved, touched, and forever changed. That's LOVE for you...so easily recognized and oddly missed by so many.
Thank you for your courage to transcend so many barriers to arrive here and now to redeem us in your plight. Your love surpasses our own understanding and lifts us all higher to see what we have, what we need and what this life is all about.
And, Amy, know that we all will search for you and your wonderful gift of love in your books, your life and, ultimately, in your Jason!
Cmk
I have read and will continue to read your love letter and those who have responded for the rest of my life. I will learn and carry your love, your wisdom and your incredible bravery to my grave.
I am 68! I married my childhood sweetheart. We celebrated our 50th last December. I tell you this because I STILL WANT #MORE!!Those that find this type of love ALWAYS WILL. It is infectious....and it spreads with such ease if we allow it. I read your responders and KNOW they have been moved, touched, and forever changed. That's LOVE for you...so easily recognized and oddly missed by so many.
Thank you for your courage to transcend so many barriers to arrive here and now to redeem us in your plight. Your love surpasses our own understanding and lifts us all higher to see what we have, what we need and what this life is all about.
And, Amy, know that we all will search for you and your wonderful gift of love in your books, your life and, ultimately, in your Jason!
Cmk
7
I lost my wife after 18 wonderful years 8 years ago, and I can tell you from my most truthful place. The loss was heartily outweighed by those wonderful 18 years.
You're writing is so beautiful Amy.
In my own experience, as a husband, losing a light like you is difficult in a way that I don't have the right words to describe.
But knowing the light, that lasts a lifetime.
As you have shown.
You're writing is so beautiful Amy.
In my own experience, as a husband, losing a light like you is difficult in a way that I don't have the right words to describe.
But knowing the light, that lasts a lifetime.
As you have shown.
14
A beautiful love letter from a woman of great beauty. Our family has loved, and lived, your books. Thank you for sharing your art with us. Warmest blessings.
4
Except for the fact that he sounds too young for me, I would totally marry your husband. He comes with a pretty awesome recommendation. And I think we'd enjoy cooking together. But he and your kids are going to need some time to grieve. I'm so sorry they're going to have to.
9
Somewhere in the media world we've met. But what I'm responding to is your courageous battle with ovarian cancer. My wife Sylvia, as fabulous in her life as Jason is in yours, died of this terrible disease. Now as time as passed I've found a new love and a life after Sylvia, unimaginable at the time. Thanks for your good heart and courage. Sending prayers and love.
5
Your husband is a very lucky man. God bless
6
Oh wow. A blessing.
4
Beautiful writing and a beautiful soul! What else can be said? You have been blessed with a beautiful marriage and family, and my prayers will be out for all of you.
2
Dear Amy,
My daughter loves your book, Little Pea. She is now eleven but she still says that it would be awesome to have to eat candy everyday. I remember reading the book over and over again before she learned to read it herself.
I will always remember how you used your incredible talent to write about a devastatingly heartbreaking situation in such a loving and a heartwarming way.
I am certain that your love and your stories will continue to touch the lives of children and adults. Thank you for giving us incredible gifts.
My daughter loves your book, Little Pea. She is now eleven but she still says that it would be awesome to have to eat candy everyday. I remember reading the book over and over again before she learned to read it herself.
I will always remember how you used your incredible talent to write about a devastatingly heartbreaking situation in such a loving and a heartwarming way.
I am certain that your love and your stories will continue to touch the lives of children and adults. Thank you for giving us incredible gifts.
15
How lovely.
4
Hi Amy: I loved your beautiful story, and I have a favor to ask of you. I lost my husband, Tom, to cancer in September 2016. So many good people left us in 2016, including my mother, that I know he is not truly alone, and I do still feel he is with me to the best of his ability. I'm putting his Celebration of Life memorial together as I write this. Your husband sounds so much like Tom: when you get to heaven, please look for him - you will be totally comfortable because he will cook for you, make you laugh, and will be an amazing friend forever. You, Amy, will not going to be alone either.
25
That is, you will not be alone. Writing and tears don't mix!
7
Dear Amy,
I just wanted to let you know that your husband got married and that he’s happy. Not a day goes by when he does not think about you. He even dreams about you. He will never forget you and he won't let your kids forget you either. But he's happy. He married a good woman. She is different from you. And yet, in ways that count, she is also like you. Most importantly, she loves him - wildly, madly, passionately, tenderly. The twinkle in his eyes that faded when cancer finally took you has come back. You knew what a good man he was - you helped to make him one. And you knew that he needed to be married. You trained him well, and it's all gone to a good purpose. He married someone who needed that kind of stable, rock solid funny, smart, wise-ass, dependable and good man that he is. Who is not afraid to enter into a new vision of future, one that you and he together helped plan. She knows that his heart had loved much and felt loss deeply and it makes her care for him even more. You were a wise, generous and brave woman to set him free to find a new love. It was one of the greatest gifts you could have given. As hard as it was to believe, there is more love in the world.
I know these things. I too married a man whose wife loved him that much,
Thank you.
I just wanted to let you know that your husband got married and that he’s happy. Not a day goes by when he does not think about you. He even dreams about you. He will never forget you and he won't let your kids forget you either. But he's happy. He married a good woman. She is different from you. And yet, in ways that count, she is also like you. Most importantly, she loves him - wildly, madly, passionately, tenderly. The twinkle in his eyes that faded when cancer finally took you has come back. You knew what a good man he was - you helped to make him one. And you knew that he needed to be married. You trained him well, and it's all gone to a good purpose. He married someone who needed that kind of stable, rock solid funny, smart, wise-ass, dependable and good man that he is. Who is not afraid to enter into a new vision of future, one that you and he together helped plan. She knows that his heart had loved much and felt loss deeply and it makes her care for him even more. You were a wise, generous and brave woman to set him free to find a new love. It was one of the greatest gifts you could have given. As hard as it was to believe, there is more love in the world.
I know these things. I too married a man whose wife loved him that much,
Thank you.
50
Lovely
6
Beautiful and heartbreaking.
5
Very touching. I have deep understanding to everything she wrote. From the same reason, I have created Safebeyond (safebeyond.com). I strongly believe that we all should create our own "emotional life insurance", this can become a life changing event for those left behind.
3
Amy,
Jason sounds like he's "All that and a bag of Doritos" but remember that it takes one to know one. Clearly, you are just as special and the way you view the world renews my faith in humanity. Jason is lucky to have you Amy. May the Lord bless you and keep you....
Jason sounds like he's "All that and a bag of Doritos" but remember that it takes one to know one. Clearly, you are just as special and the way you view the world renews my faith in humanity. Jason is lucky to have you Amy. May the Lord bless you and keep you....
2
Your article and your current diagnosis is so sad, yet at the same time inspiring and insightful as a call to action to live for now in all that we do. Your unlucky (you've already written the book on life not being fair, so I won't say it) affliction hits close to home for me as I'm the same age, went to high school just down the North Shore and graduated the same year as you, then also went to a NESCAC school, and now am (to use one of your favorite words) "busy" with life of family and work. It is a reminder to spend time on what is truly valuable in life--today.
Best of luck as you go forward, and FWIW as an anecdote, my mom went to hospice with cancer and lived 11 more great years--even moving from Chicago to Alaska. I hope you find your Alaska. Godspeed.
Best of luck as you go forward, and FWIW as an anecdote, my mom went to hospice with cancer and lived 11 more great years--even moving from Chicago to Alaska. I hope you find your Alaska. Godspeed.
4
For a 58 year old hetrosexual man, who has chosen to stay single all his life, I could not help thinking what if
6
Amy, you're words bring beautiful depth and reality to who you are and to your relationship. Breath into strangers' love and support.
But I'd like to tell Jason that I see him - his strength and compassion. And, I imagine that dating or remarrying is the last thing on your mind right now as the love of your life suffers, so do you.
You are not alone. I see you, we all see you as a man in love and pain. I wish you continued strength.
Blessings to you both and your family.
But I'd like to tell Jason that I see him - his strength and compassion. And, I imagine that dating or remarrying is the last thing on your mind right now as the love of your life suffers, so do you.
You are not alone. I see you, we all see you as a man in love and pain. I wish you continued strength.
Blessings to you both and your family.
3
I pray you have more time together ♡ My daughter, also 19, was diagnosed with breast cancer the day before I was to become an empty nester in August. I have been a single mom for 17 years... So many parts of your story parallel our story. Although marriage and parent-child relationships are different, love is love.
6
Joelly, Love and thoughts to you and your daughter.
2
My tears go down while I was reading this note. You are such a wonderful woman and he is all that you describe because of you. This letter jus let us know that will be very difficult to fill those shoes and I hope the next one that be with him don't let him forget how amazing and wonderful you are. You inspire me to enjoy and see the life with other view. God bless you now and always.
1
I accidentally bumped into this article today, and I looked up some of your work, including your video "The Beckoning of Lovely". All I can say is that I believe you DID make the most of your time here. I feel angry that you have to stop being "a person", but I can only wish that your spirit will continue to flourish and make beauty in another dimension. You are my wake-up call. Thank you!
5
I meant to add: Maybe Amy's husband is the kind of man who likes to love, and is obviously good at it and will go on to love well again.
2
Amy, What a wonderful tribute to your loving husband, such an honor he has had to have spent these wonderful loving years with you, being love. Jason will go on, with love filled memories. The two of you will be reunited again one day, in another life, this is my hope for the two of you. I lost my best friend and husband 7 years ago while I had just finished my chemo and was on day 2 of radiation treatment. He was my rock, my support, and having had him in my life for 33 years,taught me to have the strength to carry on, with much honor and strength, and love that continues to grow daily.
You are a strong loved woman, and he the luckiest man to be able to call you, his wife.
You are a strong loved woman, and he the luckiest man to be able to call you, his wife.
1
Dear author,
It is a very touching essay. I just can't tell if your are really looking for a woman to marry your husband. I would like to meet him if that is soo.
Thank you
It is a very touching essay. I just can't tell if your are really looking for a woman to marry your husband. I would like to meet him if that is soo.
Thank you
Amy - your letter makes me want to cry. I'm so, so sorry about your diagnosis. I hope against all odds that you beat this thing, or at least stave it off until the time you're supposed to die of old age. I am a pediatrician and illnesses always make me indelibly sad, only because I know more and have seen more of it than most non-physicians (but less than most physicians). Your husband sounds wonderful; mine, I found out was arrested for soliciting sex from prostitutes less than 4 years in due to a rather extreme case of sex addiction. Needless to say, I am raising my son on my own today. I have not found a man like your husband, and am envious of your 26 years that you have. But I really hope for your sake, your husband's sake, your three children's sake, and your future grandchildren's sake, that you get another 26 years with him.
With kindness,
Cheryl
With kindness,
Cheryl
2
(Jason to Amy...)
"If it is so
That we only live a small part
Of the Life that is within us
What happens to the rest?
What could, what should be done
With all the time that lies ahead of us?
Open...and unshaped
Feather-light in its freedom
And lead-heavy in its uncertainty?
Is it a wish - dreamlike and nostalgic?
To stand once again at that point in life
And be able to take a completely different direction...
To the one that made us who we are?"
--Amadeu de Prado
* * *
Nay...I say
'Tis not a dream...
"To Be"- come what we are together
Now, differently.
The gods have not, overlooked,
An obvious divine intervention...
That You exist
In me
Wholly, and in full measure....
And as you take me in a completely different direction -
In this redemptive act, My Love -
You shall never be forgotten
For, You remain
All that you are
In Me.
* * *
May it be,
Farrah
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJVxEaGrHS4
"If it is so
That we only live a small part
Of the Life that is within us
What happens to the rest?
What could, what should be done
With all the time that lies ahead of us?
Open...and unshaped
Feather-light in its freedom
And lead-heavy in its uncertainty?
Is it a wish - dreamlike and nostalgic?
To stand once again at that point in life
And be able to take a completely different direction...
To the one that made us who we are?"
--Amadeu de Prado
* * *
Nay...I say
'Tis not a dream...
"To Be"- come what we are together
Now, differently.
The gods have not, overlooked,
An obvious divine intervention...
That You exist
In me
Wholly, and in full measure....
And as you take me in a completely different direction -
In this redemptive act, My Love -
You shall never be forgotten
For, You remain
All that you are
In Me.
* * *
May it be,
Farrah
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJVxEaGrHS4
3
Beautiful ♡
Dear Peg,
Your appreciation moves me deeply...
"Nay...I say" was a tribute to my husband who was taken from me most suddenly, but who abides in the very sinews of my soul.
May your own journey be blessed in the redemptive act of love, as I pray for redemptive intervention for Amy and Jason's journey as well.
Farrah
Your appreciation moves me deeply...
"Nay...I say" was a tribute to my husband who was taken from me most suddenly, but who abides in the very sinews of my soul.
May your own journey be blessed in the redemptive act of love, as I pray for redemptive intervention for Amy and Jason's journey as well.
Farrah
Dear Farrah,
Oh how very sad that your love was taken from you suddenly. My love was taken from me last August due to awful throat cancer. I'll pray for your heart as well as Amy's and Jason's. ♡
Oh how very sad that your love was taken from you suddenly. My love was taken from me last August due to awful throat cancer. I'll pray for your heart as well as Amy's and Jason's. ♡
Amy, my friend;
I've never met you but I've discovered that you're an easy woman to love, too. Though it didn't take me a day, I felt it right away. Thank you for sharing your love with me and the world. No, not your husband, I already have one of those. Thank you for so generously sharing your love and your spirit with all of us. I hope and pray that you feel what the world is giving back to you. I believe you must. I also believe that the love that you have put out there will wrap around your children and your husband to help keep them safe and warm and to buoy them up. Love to you and yours.
I've never met you but I've discovered that you're an easy woman to love, too. Though it didn't take me a day, I felt it right away. Thank you for sharing your love with me and the world. No, not your husband, I already have one of those. Thank you for so generously sharing your love and your spirit with all of us. I hope and pray that you feel what the world is giving back to you. I believe you must. I also believe that the love that you have put out there will wrap around your children and your husband to help keep them safe and warm and to buoy them up. Love to you and yours.
11
Your lovely sentiments will endure. I feel what you feel, my love, and I wish you only peaceful dreams of "more".
4
As I began to read Amy’s story, I felt sadness and angry. Then I came to see that this is a story of the celebration of love! Not a sad story, but an expression of how to love. Amy’s articulations made me think that love, at its highest plateau is, in itself, a special dimension. Thank you Amy for helping me to gain a loving viewpoint.
I’m in the early stages of researching a book that I will publish addressing the dimensions of love. I am indebted to your openness and lovingness. Thank you.
I’m in the early stages of researching a book that I will publish addressing the dimensions of love. I am indebted to your openness and lovingness. Thank you.
2
Amy,
All I can say is no wonder he fell in love with you!
Amy
All I can say is no wonder he fell in love with you!
Amy
8
Eternal love, eternal peace. Rest in peace. Or my wish is more with your husband in miracle.
5
The most beautiful story I've ever read... ever. I'm busy and self absorbed trying to decide what to do next with my life and this extraordinary woman is taking a tragic life situation that would cause most people to pull the comforter over their heads and never get out of bed and she is refocusing the energy on her loving partner.
This is a relationship I can only hope for. But in the meantime, I feel very fortunate to have experienced it through her moving, deeply touching, poignant description. Thank you so much.
This is a relationship I can only hope for. But in the meantime, I feel very fortunate to have experienced it through her moving, deeply touching, poignant description. Thank you so much.
7
Wow, so incredibly touching. Amy, I wish you "more."
1
Amy K Rosenthal - you sound like a wonderful person - no wonder you have a wonderful mate. I wish you and yours well on this poignant and difficult journey of yours
George, Australia
George, Australia
5
Thank you Amy. You expressed so many of the thoughts which I have kept hidden from all.
4
Wow, such a heartfelt, brace, and selfless story. I don't know whether to feel bad for Amy, who is passing away, or for Jason who is losing her.
1
Wow
True love does exist! ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for showing me that
God bless you and your family
True love does exist! ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for showing me that
God bless you and your family
3
You are a heroine, Amy. This is what I've only imagined unconditional love to look like. I am struck by your courage, authenticity and power. I send my prayers for small and big miracles. And, by the way, my mother was diagnosed with stage 3D ovarian cancer 20 years ago (the stage before that dreaded word "terminal"). The doctors said she had six months to live. So we went to different doctors. She's 76 now and has outlived my father. None of us knows our fate or how much time we are given, but I wanted to share this story and my gratitude for your potent words.
4
Dear Amy,
I'm married to a Jason. My husband's first wife passed away. It took years for his emotions to heal. It can be very difficult to be involved with a widower whose late wife was awesome. Over time, I came to realize that, while she helped to mold the person he is today, he grew into a different person since her death.
Wives of (former) widowers often become obsessed with the late wife, trying to measure-up or seem superior. I was spared such feelings. Before he and I met, he had taken the time for expert grief counseling. I hope Jason takes his time and realizes that he must deal with the grief before he can love again. He and the new woman deserve nothing less.
I lead a Facebook support group for women who are involved with a widower. Members are everyday women who are dealing with issues related to the former marriage. Often, it isn't the memories of the late wife that haunt these women. Rather, it's the "torchbearers". College friends, former mothers or sisters-in-law, church friends... Mostly it's about rejection and feelings of inferiority invoked by the torchbearers. There's not much the "new" wife can do to stop the put-downs, even if unintentional. Jason will need to see that she receives the same respect as you. That will require more spine than he ever knew he had.
I hope for a miracle, that you'll pull through this illness. Even though you are clearly accomplished, what I admire most about you is your bravery. xx with love <3
I'm married to a Jason. My husband's first wife passed away. It took years for his emotions to heal. It can be very difficult to be involved with a widower whose late wife was awesome. Over time, I came to realize that, while she helped to mold the person he is today, he grew into a different person since her death.
Wives of (former) widowers often become obsessed with the late wife, trying to measure-up or seem superior. I was spared such feelings. Before he and I met, he had taken the time for expert grief counseling. I hope Jason takes his time and realizes that he must deal with the grief before he can love again. He and the new woman deserve nothing less.
I lead a Facebook support group for women who are involved with a widower. Members are everyday women who are dealing with issues related to the former marriage. Often, it isn't the memories of the late wife that haunt these women. Rather, it's the "torchbearers". College friends, former mothers or sisters-in-law, church friends... Mostly it's about rejection and feelings of inferiority invoked by the torchbearers. There's not much the "new" wife can do to stop the put-downs, even if unintentional. Jason will need to see that she receives the same respect as you. That will require more spine than he ever knew he had.
I hope for a miracle, that you'll pull through this illness. Even though you are clearly accomplished, what I admire most about you is your bravery. xx with love <3
12
Brave lady, thank you for lighting a candle instead of cursing the darkness. We will all light one for you tonight.
8
This was so touching, sad, and heartbreaking simultaneously. My heart breaks for the author, but more so for her husband and her children. She loves him so much and she wants him to experience that love with someone else after she is gone and that is so unselfish. Again, my heart breaks for this family, but especially for her beloved Jason, who sounds like the sweetest man in the world (next to my husband, that is).
2
May the love and good thoughts of thousands of strangers lift you up as you have lifted us up.
17
What a moving rendition. I will pray for your recovery. Miracles do happen. Your husband has had and will continue to have a blessed life, thanks to you. In the eventuality that he loses you, I would like for him to show his commitment to you, by not remarrying. He needs to cherish his days with you and nurture it for ever, in a selfless fashion and be a father to his kids and their kids. I think it would be selfish on his part to totally disavow the mutual love and care you two developed for each other and the two precious kids. Human beings are intelligent and should not just be driven by animal instincts, which seems to be true of the western thinking. My Far East upbringing and philosophy places a lot of emphasis to stay committed to whom you were married, even after your partner has passed on! I will continue to pray for you recovery and as they say "Hope is eternal" and your family will be blessed . Speedy recovery. Lots of love Amy!!
7
I read here that many people 1) disavow death and 2) think that a second marriage after death is a disrespect of their dead spouse and all that's gone before. (I don't believe that all 'eastern religions' actually teach that.)
I don't think Amy has indicated there is hope for her conquering cancer and living happily ever after in her and Jason's lives.
[This same ratio of unacceptance of somebody's death, when they have been quite clear it's coming soon, happened in the comments line at the Guardian last year when Leonard Cohen announced he was ready to die, and told us he was living with and near his kids and grandkids, a perfect situation to die in. So many people answered, 'Oh, oh, oh, Leonard, don't die!' I imagine the person finds such an answer irrelevant and a bit annoying.
I answered that it was a wonderful situation to die in, and listed four songs, three of his, that I had been singing lately. (I mentioned the other one to show the mood I was in lately, and to show I could be edgy and dark too, and not just passionate with religious overtones.) I thought it was a gift: that his songs were on the lips of a person (who would also eventually die) after him and an affirmation of what he had affirmed, that he saw the light at the end of the tunnel and he had his family with him.]
Love,
I don't think Amy has indicated there is hope for her conquering cancer and living happily ever after in her and Jason's lives.
[This same ratio of unacceptance of somebody's death, when they have been quite clear it's coming soon, happened in the comments line at the Guardian last year when Leonard Cohen announced he was ready to die, and told us he was living with and near his kids and grandkids, a perfect situation to die in. So many people answered, 'Oh, oh, oh, Leonard, don't die!' I imagine the person finds such an answer irrelevant and a bit annoying.
I answered that it was a wonderful situation to die in, and listed four songs, three of his, that I had been singing lately. (I mentioned the other one to show the mood I was in lately, and to show I could be edgy and dark too, and not just passionate with religious overtones.) I thought it was a gift: that his songs were on the lips of a person (who would also eventually die) after him and an affirmation of what he had affirmed, that he saw the light at the end of the tunnel and he had his family with him.]
Love,
4
Sorry ST. You lost me totally. Either I am dense upstairs or you are super human and in a different philosophical plain. I do not wish to use this forum to have a crossfire of sorts and disrespect Amy' stage. Let us pray for her recovery (I do believe in miracles) and power of prayers cannot be discounted.
1
Dear Amy. You know why your Jason is really so perfect? Because he won't want anybody else but you.
7
Dear Amy & Jason,
Your story is a story of "Endless Love"!
Remember you will always be in each others heart forever. . . .
Amy you are a very "Special" and "Strong" Woman - God Speed with you! You are a strong woman who is deeply in love with her husband and wants to make sure he is taken care of.
Jason don'the rush into another relationship.. .
My husband passed 15 years ago suddenly on the Golf Course one September morning. Very unexpectedly!
He was only 51 - 6 1" , 175 lbs and in great shape and health as far as we knew. Heart Disease ran in his family.
The only thing that got me thru. . .
He was doing something that he absolutely loved, he did not suffer, and he didn'the even know what hit him.
It took me 14 years to start dating and it's a weird experience. . In the beginning you compare everyone you go out with to them, etc. . But then you get adjusted to being around people, Friends and family. They help you get thru. One day maybe I'll meet someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with but for now it's just nice having someone to go out to dinner, a movie, a walk in the park or go to a concert. You never know what the future may bring.
Stay strong for yourself and your children and remember to savor all your memories.
If you ever want to meet for a glass of wine and dinner just email - [email protected].
Be Safe and take care.
Your story is a story of "Endless Love"!
Remember you will always be in each others heart forever. . . .
Amy you are a very "Special" and "Strong" Woman - God Speed with you! You are a strong woman who is deeply in love with her husband and wants to make sure he is taken care of.
Jason don'the rush into another relationship.. .
My husband passed 15 years ago suddenly on the Golf Course one September morning. Very unexpectedly!
He was only 51 - 6 1" , 175 lbs and in great shape and health as far as we knew. Heart Disease ran in his family.
The only thing that got me thru. . .
He was doing something that he absolutely loved, he did not suffer, and he didn'the even know what hit him.
It took me 14 years to start dating and it's a weird experience. . In the beginning you compare everyone you go out with to them, etc. . But then you get adjusted to being around people, Friends and family. They help you get thru. One day maybe I'll meet someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with but for now it's just nice having someone to go out to dinner, a movie, a walk in the park or go to a concert. You never know what the future may bring.
Stay strong for yourself and your children and remember to savor all your memories.
If you ever want to meet for a glass of wine and dinner just email - [email protected].
Be Safe and take care.
2
What a writer! What a woman! What undying love.
3
I have read, and reread the note. After almost 50-years of marriage (to the same woman) and having observed many other marriages I can think of few who seemed as complete as yours. It is a great sadness to all that you can not spend the next 26-years and more together. Your husband, sons, family, readers and the future will be less because you are not here with us.
2
That was so beautifully written. Your husband and your love story sound amazing. I too had an epic love story with my husband of 28 years. He died of cancer 7 years ago this March. I know you want your husband to find another love, my husband wanted that for me too. It is not as easy as you think especially when you shared such an intense love. I still miss my husband every day and hope that one day I too will find another love. Amy, You are a wonderful author. I love children books and have a huge collection. Many of yours are among them. Thank you for your beautiful letter to your husband.
7
Amy
Your courage and love are admiral beyond words. Praying for you and your family...
Your courage and love are admiral beyond words. Praying for you and your family...
2
My mom died from stomach cancer. What a terrible disease. When she was diagnosed, she was living with husband #3. He is a wonderful man who cared for my mom every day. He would carry her from the bedroom to the couch in the living room so that she could watch the birds and other animals out their front window. Their love was so strong and wonderful to watch. It has been 10 years since her death. He is now dating a wonderful lady that we all love. She will never replace my mom in his heart, but she does help to fill the void and for that I am forever grateful. My mom was a beautiful woman and I am so glad that she met a man that made her happy and fulfilled.
4
Oh, wow, Amy... I loved your letter. ❤️
In tears... I'm praying for you!
God bless you, and your family.
In tears... I'm praying for you!
God bless you, and your family.
1
Thinking of you and God bless you for your selflessness!
Interested in talking with you and meeting Jason.
Long story made short. Not dated for a very long time. Just sent daughter off to freshman year at the university. Lost many family members early in life.
It is a long shot but your story struck my heart!
Your family will always have you in their hearts.❤️
Jodie
Interested in talking with you and meeting Jason.
Long story made short. Not dated for a very long time. Just sent daughter off to freshman year at the university. Lost many family members early in life.
It is a long shot but your story struck my heart!
Your family will always have you in their hearts.❤️
Jodie
1
If I could reach into my pocket and pull out a miracle, I'd give it to you.
8
Looks like real love to me! You both must be amazing. I wish you and your husband and your family every possible joy and as little suffering as possible on your journey ahead, Ms. Rosenthal.
3
Dear Amy,
I am honored to "meet" you through your writings and am grateful for your guts, honesty, altruism, spirit, love and kindness. My best friend of a lifetime, Carrie Shishko, forwarded me your article. Apparently your son is friends with her former neighbor's son on Howe Street. I have been through much grief and loss in my lifetime and admire your strength and humor despite your overwhelming reality. I just returned from 6 months in Florida, where I was caring for my mother. She passed away January 28. As if she didn't know...I always reminded her that she was the richest woman I know. She had fallen in love with my father at age 13 and they never stopped loving each other, even after he was gone. Although she wanted to be buried with her beautiful floral box full of their love letters tied in ribbons, we decided that their letters were too precious to be lost. So we are having them copied and bound as treasures for us all to cherish. You too are rich, Amy. You have had true love. I wish I could take your pain from you, turn your situation around.., because you have given so much to this world through your love of Jason, your courage, your shared happiness and writings. Thank you for sharing your deepest feelings publicly. This world seems to forget how vital love and connections are to the human spirit. I am praying for your comfort and strength and beyond grateful that you had the best husband imaginable to reciprocate all the love that you give.
I am honored to "meet" you through your writings and am grateful for your guts, honesty, altruism, spirit, love and kindness. My best friend of a lifetime, Carrie Shishko, forwarded me your article. Apparently your son is friends with her former neighbor's son on Howe Street. I have been through much grief and loss in my lifetime and admire your strength and humor despite your overwhelming reality. I just returned from 6 months in Florida, where I was caring for my mother. She passed away January 28. As if she didn't know...I always reminded her that she was the richest woman I know. She had fallen in love with my father at age 13 and they never stopped loving each other, even after he was gone. Although she wanted to be buried with her beautiful floral box full of their love letters tied in ribbons, we decided that their letters were too precious to be lost. So we are having them copied and bound as treasures for us all to cherish. You too are rich, Amy. You have had true love. I wish I could take your pain from you, turn your situation around.., because you have given so much to this world through your love of Jason, your courage, your shared happiness and writings. Thank you for sharing your deepest feelings publicly. This world seems to forget how vital love and connections are to the human spirit. I am praying for your comfort and strength and beyond grateful that you had the best husband imaginable to reciprocate all the love that you give.
6
Dear Amy and Jason
I so needed this tear jerker of a story to make me snap out of the funk I find myself in. Marriage is hard. People change. Eventhough love is still there it's hard. Reading your letter about your illness, your fight and your love has made me not give up and count my blessings. My marriage and life might not be perfect but I should be happy that we have one another to get thru the ups and downs. i loved your story. You are so giving. What a beautiful story you are leaving your loved ones. I will be keeping you in my prayers and heart for a miracle. You do deserve more. Thank you for your story. I did the ugly cry today. Blessings to you all.
I so needed this tear jerker of a story to make me snap out of the funk I find myself in. Marriage is hard. People change. Eventhough love is still there it's hard. Reading your letter about your illness, your fight and your love has made me not give up and count my blessings. My marriage and life might not be perfect but I should be happy that we have one another to get thru the ups and downs. i loved your story. You are so giving. What a beautiful story you are leaving your loved ones. I will be keeping you in my prayers and heart for a miracle. You do deserve more. Thank you for your story. I did the ugly cry today. Blessings to you all.
2
Amy,
What a beautiful letter and what an amazingly unselfish thing for you to do for your husband. I am widowed myself, and I wanted to let you know what peace you are giving Jason. My husband and I never talked about what he wanted for me after he was gone. He was an amazing unselfish man, and I know he wanted me to be happy but we never talked specifics. Jason will mourn losing you for a long time, but when the time comes for him to fall in love again, he will be able to do so, knowing that he has your blessing. As amazing of a man you say he is, you had to be an equally amazing wife and mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Jason.
What a beautiful letter and what an amazingly unselfish thing for you to do for your husband. I am widowed myself, and I wanted to let you know what peace you are giving Jason. My husband and I never talked about what he wanted for me after he was gone. He was an amazing unselfish man, and I know he wanted me to be happy but we never talked specifics. Jason will mourn losing you for a long time, but when the time comes for him to fall in love again, he will be able to do so, knowing that he has your blessing. As amazing of a man you say he is, you had to be an equally amazing wife and mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Jason.
1
Such a heart felt story.. my heart goes out to you, and your family. May God Bless you All. You are such an inspiration... sounds like your husband is a true romantic, you are Blessed to have a man like him in your life, and him to have you in his life. There's not any good men left out there. Enjoy everyday you have together..... I hope one day I will find a man somewhat like that....I will keep you and your family in my Prayers.
1
Hi Amy, just a quick note. I had a "Jason" in my life. Been little over a year he died of a heart attack. Nice to know that other people have also had a life experience like mine. Thank you fo my our words.
3
I was deeply touched by the honesty and openness of your story. As a single woman I don't know what it is like to loose the man you love and cherish. Someday I hope that they kind of love you have with Jason is my experience. I do know loss in loosing my parents close together and watch my father miss my mother SO MUCH before he passed.... To Jason thank you for being such a wonderful, loving example of what love and sharing is to another person.
Dear Brave-Hearted Amy,
This is the ultimate act of LOVE-- being selfless at a time when you have earned the right to be completely selfish. It's quite a testament to the man you love and the life you built together. I read something like this, however, and I must confess, that after wiping away the tears, I am much more interested in getting to know YOU and not your husband (as lovely as he sounds). The men in my life (excluding my father) have ultimately always caused me heartache or great disappointment...
I've had great successes in my career and great spiritual fulfillment, but I've only become truly happy in my life since becoming a single mother of an adopted child AND giving up on all expectations of men ever completing me in any way. My girlfriends, on the other hand, have made monumental contributions to my life, and they continue to evolve as people and astound me in the process. They have my eternal respect and love.
I do sometimes reflect sadly on the fact that there has been no great fairy-tale romance in my life--nor do I think that there ever will be. But, the regret will quickly evaporate as open my heart and mind up to the influence of another great woman - YOU- who I will still get to know through your body of work, in the hopes of being inspired by your creativity, humor, energy, devotion to your family and singular outlook on life.
I wish you a beautiful journey, my friend...
This is the ultimate act of LOVE-- being selfless at a time when you have earned the right to be completely selfish. It's quite a testament to the man you love and the life you built together. I read something like this, however, and I must confess, that after wiping away the tears, I am much more interested in getting to know YOU and not your husband (as lovely as he sounds). The men in my life (excluding my father) have ultimately always caused me heartache or great disappointment...
I've had great successes in my career and great spiritual fulfillment, but I've only become truly happy in my life since becoming a single mother of an adopted child AND giving up on all expectations of men ever completing me in any way. My girlfriends, on the other hand, have made monumental contributions to my life, and they continue to evolve as people and astound me in the process. They have my eternal respect and love.
I do sometimes reflect sadly on the fact that there has been no great fairy-tale romance in my life--nor do I think that there ever will be. But, the regret will quickly evaporate as open my heart and mind up to the influence of another great woman - YOU- who I will still get to know through your body of work, in the hopes of being inspired by your creativity, humor, energy, devotion to your family and singular outlook on life.
I wish you a beautiful journey, my friend...
4
Amy I found out about your incredible beautiful story on the Today Show this morning. Your beautiful selfless letter really moved me. Your bravery is incredible. My husband succumbed to throat and lung cancer seven months ago. We had a fairytale marriage of 12 years (second for both of us) that was what dreams were made of. Both of us Master Photographers, organic gardeners and he called himself my sous chef while I cooked healthy meals for us to enjoy. Michael was extraordinarily handsome and romantically chivalrous. Everyone adored him. Your words about your Jason remind me of Michael. During Michael's fight against cancer, I asked him to write me (and his kids) a letter. He just couldn't do it. My guess is he thought it was a form of giving up but I really needed his written words for comfort and a way to have permission to go on. At only 53, it's hard to be a widow and it's lonely. Your letter will be helping so many people feel MORE comfortable, MORE expressive and MORE likely to help the surviving spouse live on for ...MORE. If your Jason ever needs someone to talk to or someone who can understand very similar life events, he is welcome to contact me on Facebook Messenger at Peg Buckner. Amy, I wish for you a peaceful beautiful passing with you loved ones and angels close. Please give my Michael one MORE kiss from me.
Love is the greatest gift of all and YOU have given Jason so much MORE.
Love is the greatest gift of all and YOU have given Jason so much MORE.
9
Also my email is [email protected]
Again, I commend you, Amy for your beautiful tribute and devotion to your loving Jason.
Again, I commend you, Amy for your beautiful tribute and devotion to your loving Jason.
2
Sounds like you're trying to get a date with Jason. Stop it!
I am sure that Jason is looking at his life from an entirely different perspective from yours. He is probably wondering how he could ever replace such a wonderful woman. He is probably wondering how he managed to snag such an incredible girl, who has not only been a wonderful wife and friend, but a wonderful mother as well. (Such people do not just grow on trees you know). I envision Jason mourning his loss for a very long time, and I certainly hope he doesn't receive a whole slough of resumes from marriage hopefuls, looking to fill your shoes. You sound like an incredible woman, and I made a conscience decision to write this post to tell you that, rather than melting into the weeping jag that I still feel on the verge of.
3
I'm available.
12
Amy,
My heart is breaking for you. I am in tears as I write this. You are such a lovely and generous. human being. How lucky was Jason to have you and for you to have Jason. I have dreamed of this kind of love all my life, and it is so wonderful to read the love you have for each other. You have an amazing heart and so much courage.
I have been divorced for five years and it has been so lonely. I am always seeking that dream man who may not exist. I am so, so happy someone as wonderful as you was able to be loved so much by someone like Jason. You are a beautiful soul and deservesd all of his amazing love and so much more.
I am praying for you, your Jason and your wonderful children. How lucky have they been to see such a magical marriage and to have such wonderful, loving parents.
Thank you for sharing your love and showing how wonderful a marriage can be.
My heart is breaking for you. I am in tears as I write this. You are such a lovely and generous. human being. How lucky was Jason to have you and for you to have Jason. I have dreamed of this kind of love all my life, and it is so wonderful to read the love you have for each other. You have an amazing heart and so much courage.
I have been divorced for five years and it has been so lonely. I am always seeking that dream man who may not exist. I am so, so happy someone as wonderful as you was able to be loved so much by someone like Jason. You are a beautiful soul and deservesd all of his amazing love and so much more.
I am praying for you, your Jason and your wonderful children. How lucky have they been to see such a magical marriage and to have such wonderful, loving parents.
Thank you for sharing your love and showing how wonderful a marriage can be.
5
This story warmed my heart. Thank you so much for sharing, Amy.
2
Dearest Amy and Jason, I remember you both from the time Jason and I painted with Sandy Roth. I remember seeing one of your early books (at the age of 71, my memory of titles fails me). I do remember feeling somehow proud that I actually knew you and Jason. You both are such heart connected, loving people. I am sad to hear your prognosis, and grateful you've shared the life you have with Jason.
First, I would pray for a miracle for you, and ask if you've been to MDAnderson, where my husband , Mike, was blessed with a life saving miracle.
Then, I wish you both joy in whatever time left to you. I suspect you've stashed away lots of that, from what you describe.
Lastly I send you both loving prayers. Shalom.
Liz Slive (formerly of Chicago)
First, I would pray for a miracle for you, and ask if you've been to MDAnderson, where my husband , Mike, was blessed with a life saving miracle.
Then, I wish you both joy in whatever time left to you. I suspect you've stashed away lots of that, from what you describe.
Lastly I send you both loving prayers. Shalom.
Liz Slive (formerly of Chicago)
5
Thank you for writing this article and sharing your beautiful life with us . I can only pray and wish for you to continue living . A good hearted person like you will be missed not only by her family, but also by her readers all around the world.
I strongly believe that you will be happy no matter where ... because good people like yourself deserve nothing less than pure happiness !!!
With all the love in my heart .
I strongly believe that you will be happy no matter where ... because good people like yourself deserve nothing less than pure happiness !!!
With all the love in my heart .
All my life I sought independence and preferred to be alone. Since my cancer diagnosis in Oct, and more likely, because of it, I have felt lonely and longed for companionship. I wanted a man to look at me and tell me I was beautiful. This feeling is especially strong now as I am about to go into surgery for a mastectomy and reconstruction. I am deeply affected by your essay on so many levels and had to comment. I strongly admire your bravery while you go through your battle and your ability to look past your pain and think of the well being of your husband, an equally admirable person. In the time you have left, which I sincerely hope is long and meaningful, is full of love and happiness.
2
Amy -- you're amazing.
1
When my sister in law was dying from ovarian cancer she arranged every detail she could for her family. She made meals for the freezer, had the bathrooms remodeled, the house painted. Every project that had been put off was finished. Than she made sure that her best friend and her husband spent time together and knew that in her mind they would be the perfect couple. After she died they married. She knew her husband would not make it on his own. He is the typical absent minded scientist, brilliant but impractical. Emmy was brilliant also, no one will ever forget her. She spent her last months making house calls to other cancer patients, wearing her backpack carrying her nutrition, which entered her stomach thru her nose. Emmy, Emmy. Just a little of her strength would make me proud.
What a wonderful tribute to a loving marriage.
2
Wow,
Your letter is amazing and more amazing your words of love to your husband and kids.
I'm divorced Mom for 6 -7 years and it was sad to loose the man of my life because like your Jason my exhusband used to be/do the same things flowers every Friday ,cooking for us and something we enjoyed together were movies on the weekends.
Now as sad it is we can't even look at our eyes.
I'm so sorry for what happen to you and sometimes Life give us challenges that are hard to accept but in the end we know that is impossible to stop.
I love your letter and I love your love for Jason ,I hope he finds a woman just like you with a pure heart and an amazing soul....my respect to a beautiful woman,daughter, wife, mother,sister,friend.
I wish I can give you #MORE ❤️
Your letter is amazing and more amazing your words of love to your husband and kids.
I'm divorced Mom for 6 -7 years and it was sad to loose the man of my life because like your Jason my exhusband used to be/do the same things flowers every Friday ,cooking for us and something we enjoyed together were movies on the weekends.
Now as sad it is we can't even look at our eyes.
I'm so sorry for what happen to you and sometimes Life give us challenges that are hard to accept but in the end we know that is impossible to stop.
I love your letter and I love your love for Jason ,I hope he finds a woman just like you with a pure heart and an amazing soul....my respect to a beautiful woman,daughter, wife, mother,sister,friend.
I wish I can give you #MORE ❤️
2
Amy, you had me at tasting spoons. If one person in this world could ever understand the great joy I feel at saving those little pink, purple and green delights, then I will have been understood this lifetime. Godspeed, Amy, Godspeed. May peace be with Jason and your whole family as the miracle of life and your transition fill your moments and hearts.
My comments are a string of tweets I just sent you.
I am beYOND moved, by you. Yes, J seems like a dream, and he'll have his path, but you..I'd love to meet you. My heart pounds.
For someone who at 49 hasn't yet met her prince, honestly, I am turned around & upside down for your joy w J,& expression of it.
I wish you comfort.
I can't stop writing to you. I'm kind of a mess, both with sadness and revelation. You have forever affected my own writing.
I keep thinking, but what about a miracle? You w ur positivity would probably say you've experienced ur miracle, in him and them.
I may tweet more. @FlamandRenee
Bless you, your family, and your journey about to unfold, which they say has its own ethereal beauty. As a mother of one, and she goes to college in August, I can't even tell you how affected I am by this sentiment you've expressed. Not only is it the ultimate love letter and gift to your husband, but also to your children. They've seen it...."it" being what is necessary to be present for a fulfilling and transcendent love experience. Extraordinary.
I am beYOND moved, by you. Yes, J seems like a dream, and he'll have his path, but you..I'd love to meet you. My heart pounds.
For someone who at 49 hasn't yet met her prince, honestly, I am turned around & upside down for your joy w J,& expression of it.
I wish you comfort.
I can't stop writing to you. I'm kind of a mess, both with sadness and revelation. You have forever affected my own writing.
I keep thinking, but what about a miracle? You w ur positivity would probably say you've experienced ur miracle, in him and them.
I may tweet more. @FlamandRenee
Bless you, your family, and your journey about to unfold, which they say has its own ethereal beauty. As a mother of one, and she goes to college in August, I can't even tell you how affected I am by this sentiment you've expressed. Not only is it the ultimate love letter and gift to your husband, but also to your children. They've seen it...."it" being what is necessary to be present for a fulfilling and transcendent love experience. Extraordinary.
3
Your letter is the most beautiful love letter that one could write. God bless the two of you and your beautiful children.
1
Amy, I know for sure that no one can fill those shoes. God bless you. And your husband knows that you are unique.
1
My husband of 25 years died suddenly of a Pulmonary Embolism at age 52 on May 10, 2012, leaving me as a 50 year old widow with 2 teen daughters. The only discussion we ever had about the topic was when he would joke that my 2nd husband would be rich.
It's been almost five years and I tell my friends it's hard to date again because the last date I went on was when Ronald Reagan was President!
It's been almost five years and I tell my friends it's hard to date again because the last date I went on was when Ronald Reagan was President!
2
Thanks for showing those of us who have been too afraid to love of the possibility of what can be if only we can overcome our fear. Peace to you and Jason and your children.
You have a beautiful soul and God no doubt, has big plans for you. We need more people like you . God Bless You and your family. Life seems unfair sometimes, but someday we will all know why. You are a blessing.
Amy, you have a great way with words and a huge heart. You are thinking of Jason's future in your own time of huge loss. Thank you for showing us what LOVE really means.
There is a charity that supports very young families in situations like yours. For anyone who wants to make a difference for families who are facing the loss of a parent, you can read more here: http://inheritanceofhope.org/
Best wishes to you.
There is a charity that supports very young families in situations like yours. For anyone who wants to make a difference for families who are facing the loss of a parent, you can read more here: http://inheritanceofhope.org/
Best wishes to you.
1
I will miss you, Amy. Your article leaves me weeping with joy or sorrow/ I can't even tell. My heart bursts with thoughts I have long tried to suppress. My wife and I, married over fifty years, were childhood sweethearts. We know that our train is now coasting into that final station- no more excursions or side trips..
2
Sweet beautiful Amy. So many of us readers could barely make it through your article. So selfless, compassionate on so many levels. I truly am (speaking from experience, I lost my husband, my high school sweetheart a year ago), and though you're beautiful love story and desire for Jason to continue his life and perhaps starting a new love story is beyond remarkable... But the truth is you're amazing, handsome, smart, loving Jason will never get over you, it's impossible sweetheart... They say time heals, it doesn't. It only helps us to deal. You are a remarkable, amazing human being on so many levels.
2
I have a sense of how you feel. I'm not the one who is sick. It was my husband. I want to disagree with you about which man was the better husband, but I know that wouldn't be right. I of course feel my husband was the best. Without going into to too many details I will share these telling words he spoke to me. These words which were the last coherent thing he said to me. After whispering in his hear how much I loved him, this man who was hours away from his last breath said, "Why am I so lucky?" I can only imagine what he was trying to say, but my guess is that he was wondering how he and I could have found our perfect mate. That was in June. The only thoughts I have of other men since then is that I don't think I will ever be happy with anyone else because no one is a wonderful as the man I said , "I do" to seventeen years ago. Your husband may be ready for another love one day, but for now you can take some comfort knowing that he has those precious memories of you and your life together to keep him going. He knows that you are the loving woman you are and that you would be thinking of him and his future right now. He knows there was a perfect mate in this world for him, and when he's ready, he just might find that woman who is not quite, but almost perfect. Let that be his way of honoring the love the two of you have shared through the past two and a half decades. You will always be his perfect woman, no one could be better.
1
Oh Amy. My heart goes out to you. My mom just passed of Ovarian Cancer and I can't imagine what your family is going though. You are a wonderful person and you must love your husband to utter distraction. I felt that way about my mom. He is such a lucky man. I'm sure he will find love again someday...probably not very soon. Enjoy every moment you have left with him. Hold his hand and just let him love you. He needs it. I will be praying for all of you during this very difficult time.
1
Dearest Amy,
What a beautiful human being you are with your unselfish wishes for your husband and your loving assessment of his character. My heart aches that you and your family have to go through the pain and loss that a cancer diagnosis brings. In two words, it sucks. I lost my husband--the love of my life--to esophageal cancer. We were fortunate to have 18 years together but I too wanted more. And how lucky you two were/are to have found each other. Sending you peace and love. You are all in my prayers.
What a beautiful human being you are with your unselfish wishes for your husband and your loving assessment of his character. My heart aches that you and your family have to go through the pain and loss that a cancer diagnosis brings. In two words, it sucks. I lost my husband--the love of my life--to esophageal cancer. We were fortunate to have 18 years together but I too wanted more. And how lucky you two were/are to have found each other. Sending you peace and love. You are all in my prayers.
1
Amy
You are an amazing woman and my heart breaks for you Jason and your children.. thank you for nudging us all into remembering what really is important in our life...
God speed Amy
MORE!
You are an amazing woman and my heart breaks for you Jason and your children.. thank you for nudging us all into remembering what really is important in our life...
God speed Amy
MORE!
1
I think I would love you as MY friend. To write such a loving letter about someone you love is unconditional love. You probably bring love to everyone. You are the blessing!
5
I just wanted to commend Brian Rea on the powerful and deeply moving illustration.
4
Amy, you are incredibly unselfish. If Jason chooses to find someone, you have freed him from any guilt he may feel.
I am a widow dating a widower and it comes with its challenges.
We are in our 50's. It takes understanding and grace to acknowledge
that he lost the love of his life and is still hurting nearly 2 years later. Life is not perfect and we have such a short time on this planet, as you know so well. We try to live in the present and respect each other's past.
May you leave this world peacefully and free of pain.
You are treasure and your readers and friends will never forget you.
God speed, dear woman.
I am a widow dating a widower and it comes with its challenges.
We are in our 50's. It takes understanding and grace to acknowledge
that he lost the love of his life and is still hurting nearly 2 years later. Life is not perfect and we have such a short time on this planet, as you know so well. We try to live in the present and respect each other's past.
May you leave this world peacefully and free of pain.
You are treasure and your readers and friends will never forget you.
God speed, dear woman.
1
Thank you, sweet Amy, for reminding us all that the secret to life is enjoying the passage of time. Your love affair is nothing short of remarkable, a paradigm for those looking for the kind of love that's long term and sustainable.
I thank you for giving us ALL a gift that not everyone in life receives.
More.
God Bless you.
You are in all our thoughts and prayers.
I thank you for giving us ALL a gift that not everyone in life receives.
More.
God Bless you.
You are in all our thoughts and prayers.
1
I haven't had anything tap into my soul like this did. Those will be some incredibly large shoes to fill. I believe you will be there during the selection process "Amyway"
I hope you are still around to read this. 11 years ago my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and 8 months later she was gone at age 58, after 34 years of marriage to my father. I didn't think to write an article such as this on his behalf but my dad is a wonderful man who your Jason reminds me of. 6 months later he went on a blind date (his 2nd after her passing) with a totally different, yet in key ways similar, woman to my mom, and they married 15 months later. She's terrific and is a wonderful grandmother to my children who never met my mom. A good man who is the marrying kind will find a wonderful woman to spend his golden years with, so please, be at peace.
3
I spent 3 years with the love of my life, and knew a year in at 19 years old that no matter what happened in life this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of mine with. When she got into school out of state on a d1 scholarship life pulled her in the direction of everything she had dreamed for, save me. I fought like hell to keep the woman I loved more than life by my side. Unfortunately, I lost her. I wish she would have shared my understanding that nothing at all in this world is more valuable than love, but that's life. Heaven knows I haven't spent a second looking for anyone else since. Oh, how I miss my KD. Amy, when you are in love with someone it does not always go away just because they do. If your husband's love is like mine, especially after more than two decades together, you need not worry, you will have him hooked forever. Praying for you my friend, Godspeed.
3
Why didn't you go with her rather than expecting her to stay with you? Or did you not take her feelings into consideration?
1
Dearest Amy,
I saw your story today and am compelled to write to you, this is not my norm. You are a beautiful soul through and through and this article show's it's bright glow as you write about your capacity to love and be loved. I have been so touched and challenged by it because in my own life, this wouldn't be the tale that I would tell, yet I have yet to make the steps to change it out of fear. Seeing your fearlessness, seeing that it is possible to be loved for who you are will make me think long and hard about how I want to continue to live... I mean LIVE. So, I thank you my fellow midwestern sister, I too am from Chicago, for writing your love tale and making me believe in this modern day it is possible to be loved that way. Thank you, for touching so many lives the way you have and will continue to do. And when the time comes, I wish for you that your fearlessness and the love that surrounds you carries you to the light that you so selflessly shared with us. When the time does come I have a friend, Clare, who has long blonde hair with a pink steak in it. She is about the age of your daughter and also loves music, food, writing, and having fun. She also teaches a mean spin class. She is already there, she'd be a great tour guide and friend.
God Bless you and your whole family. You are amazing! xoxo
I saw your story today and am compelled to write to you, this is not my norm. You are a beautiful soul through and through and this article show's it's bright glow as you write about your capacity to love and be loved. I have been so touched and challenged by it because in my own life, this wouldn't be the tale that I would tell, yet I have yet to make the steps to change it out of fear. Seeing your fearlessness, seeing that it is possible to be loved for who you are will make me think long and hard about how I want to continue to live... I mean LIVE. So, I thank you my fellow midwestern sister, I too am from Chicago, for writing your love tale and making me believe in this modern day it is possible to be loved that way. Thank you, for touching so many lives the way you have and will continue to do. And when the time comes, I wish for you that your fearlessness and the love that surrounds you carries you to the light that you so selflessly shared with us. When the time does come I have a friend, Clare, who has long blonde hair with a pink steak in it. She is about the age of your daughter and also loves music, food, writing, and having fun. She also teaches a mean spin class. She is already there, she'd be a great tour guide and friend.
God Bless you and your whole family. You are amazing! xoxo
3
Amazing that anyone could write so well, so expressively, so creatively, when on morphine, in the last days of a life cut short by cancer. Husband sounds amazing, but if your writing is any indication of who you have been, you deserved each other. If he had the good judgement to choose you, he will be just fine.
3
Thank you.
Dear Amy, I just read your article... And I have so much tears in my heart. You share with the world a beautiful story, your love story. For this, for your courage, I'd like to hold you in my arms and tell you "You are a Beautiful Woman".
I'm gay, but based on your lovely story, I'd marry Jason....
6
Hallo Amy and Jason, First, lots of love to you all. I think you are brilliant expressing this Amy. How generous and positive. I feel my husband still there next to me after 6 years. I would have thought I would find someone by now and you know, i am thinking of setting up a Facebook page for widows and widowers because it is extraordinary. You will always be together. It becomes a multi dimensional existence, and quite spiritual. I wish jason well too. He will meet other people and the relationships will be entirely different. you will always be together, I know this. Jason be brave, it will probably always hurt and never be perfect, but that is life, be courageous and live and feel. Lots of love , Annie xx
Amy, your light will always shine
3
Hi Amy!!! I pray that you are reading this and am smiling,no matter what "smile". Everything you just described is everything and more that i daydreamed about with a person. Your life with Jason is multi faceted and full of great times. Another woman wouldn't take your place. But with your description, you are the "joy" of his life. I would want to marry Jason and live the life of vonja, but would he ? I say now to Jason use every waking minute of joy with Amy, and when you sleep eternally, hopefully he will spend the rest of his waking minutes not in mourning but in celebration of a beautiful life just being him and loving you. I would want to hear the Amy stories. The best part would be, him sharing what i never experienced. I love You Amy for sharing that a joyful love and bliss can exist. Your existence will not dissipate and disappear. You will continue to live. Hugs of love to you, jason and your family. Vonja
1
Amy, Your gift strength and love that you will leave for your hubby is, make you stop in your tracks amazing. But what you are also leaving is such a powerful message of love and strength for your children. They will obviously miss you but they will be left to hold on to an amazingly beautiful love of everything. Peaceful journey...
2
Amy I think you and Jason have met the love of your life .Jason may just want to keep loving and remember you and enjoy life with your children I know because my husband pass in 2004 and the children , grandchildren, and now great grandchildren have fill my heart I still miss him and there are days I sit and remember our dinner's out but I really don't have the need to love again when you had a great marriage there hard to come by let him love you and keep loving ou till or when he thinks he needs someone new because he always has you in hes heart and thats a blessing prayers to you sweet lady and to your famliy
As much as you write glowingly and lovingly of Jason, you reveal yourself to be just as wonderful too, Amy.
2
Dear Amy,
PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP.
You have so much to live for and instead of worrying about yourself you are worrying about your husband and family. I beg you to fight fight and fight some more don't accept that you have no chance to live. I will include you in my conversations with our maker daily I will ask him to please protect you, please make a miracle happen I Will not give up and I beg you to do the same. I am here for you anytime any day our maker can wait.
PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP.
You have so much to live for and instead of worrying about yourself you are worrying about your husband and family. I beg you to fight fight and fight some more don't accept that you have no chance to live. I will include you in my conversations with our maker daily I will ask him to please protect you, please make a miracle happen I Will not give up and I beg you to do the same. I am here for you anytime any day our maker can wait.
1
Beautiful Amy, you just have an incredible gift to men and women. " More" will never be an ordinary word. And for your children, what a gift -a lasting tribute to their dad, through your insightful and appreciative eyes,; a treasured model as a mom and wife. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to make our lives and our relationships great. Now, we will all want and work for more. God bless you. I have a strong hunch that this has left your family in a great place.
1
I dated the love of my life for almost 3 years and lost her. She never could grasp that she was all I wanted, but years later I am still alone missing the person I so truly fell in love with. 25 years with your true love, and I pray in my soul God blesses you with decades more. Godspeed.
1
Peace be with you Amy.
Jason reminds me of my devoted husband Kevin--creative, talented, romantic, handsome, fun dad. He was killed 11 years ago. Look him up when you're there and swipe right.
3
Have been so touched, reading your email it brings tears. Whether its his inherent quality or you bring the best in him, doesn't matter. You seem to be a courageous, loving, thoughtful person, ensuring you find the right woman for your husband. Perhaps I would have done the same. It stems from a humanitarian quality to ensure people are truly happy even when we are not in their life. Since he is been so nice to you, he should be with a nice person, who else better than you to find him the right partner. Good luck for your efforts in finding the right person, who you can welcome to your family.
Hope you get more time with him and the rest of your life is well spent with your loving family
Hope you get more time with him and the rest of your life is well spent with your loving family
1
She so beautiful. What a big heart
Jason and Amy,
I don't know if you are still with us in more than spirit Amy, but if you are, my thoughts are with you. Your love for Jason is palpable, living and breathtaking. Jason, you will not be able to think about anything remotely resembling a relationship for a long time. Your grief, now and in the coming months will probably feel so huge and encompassing as to be crushing. The very thought of other people, relationships, etc. probably seems almost obscene right now. I hope you find a group of people to support you, whether family or friends. I know it is not always in the nature of gentlemen to seek out certain kinds of help, but I would highly recommend some kind of recovery group. In going through my own time of grief and loss, from a long term relationship, among several other things, I know for a fact that it is essential to hear you are not alone. Those who have reached out to me and allowed me the time to process are true blessings. If you need someone to just vent to, to say I understand, no pressures or expectations other than I am paying forward the good I have received and I know and understand true and significant grief, please let me know. Sometimes, the anonymity of email along with knowing someone is thinking of you is such a boon to the day in the morass of overwhelming hurt and suffering. You are not alone. My thoughts are with you as you begin the process of healing.
I don't know if you are still with us in more than spirit Amy, but if you are, my thoughts are with you. Your love for Jason is palpable, living and breathtaking. Jason, you will not be able to think about anything remotely resembling a relationship for a long time. Your grief, now and in the coming months will probably feel so huge and encompassing as to be crushing. The very thought of other people, relationships, etc. probably seems almost obscene right now. I hope you find a group of people to support you, whether family or friends. I know it is not always in the nature of gentlemen to seek out certain kinds of help, but I would highly recommend some kind of recovery group. In going through my own time of grief and loss, from a long term relationship, among several other things, I know for a fact that it is essential to hear you are not alone. Those who have reached out to me and allowed me the time to process are true blessings. If you need someone to just vent to, to say I understand, no pressures or expectations other than I am paying forward the good I have received and I know and understand true and significant grief, please let me know. Sometimes, the anonymity of email along with knowing someone is thinking of you is such a boon to the day in the morass of overwhelming hurt and suffering. You are not alone. My thoughts are with you as you begin the process of healing.
I am far too old for Jason he sounds great.But I don't think anyone will ever be able to replace you . You seem to be a perfect couple and family . My husband lost his mother when he was 13 .Thank heaven you have been able to be here for your children longer. His father never recovered from the loss of his spouse. How noble of you to advertise Jason. I pray he will recover from the loss of you and what you seem to have had as a couple and a family. Please rest peacefully ,Amy ,you have done all you could.It's up to Jason now . He will decide when it's time to find another, but it will take time.
3
The best gift you could leave Jason is not permission to move on to another relationship via a dating profile, but this eloquent testimony to how much he meant to you. He'll reread it often in years to come as the grief of losing you revisits him again & again....You've given him MORE.
2
Amy, I am as moved by your love story as I am by your dating profile of Jason. They are inseparable and in tension. True love brings out, wants and seeks the best for the beloved—even, at times or often, with pain to the self. This is how love smooths our rough edges and grows us beyond what we could “Be” on our own. Love transcends the self, and even death, as you remind us. In honoring your love and remaining time here with Jason, as well as his coming grief and celebration of your life—and saying, Yes: I’d love to meet and may want to marry your husband—I embrace the your precious paradox. Love and blessings to you both.
2
You have been blessed
Amy,
I feel so honored and blessed to have read your article. You have a beautiful soul and I want to thank you for sharing this intimate love of your husband and children. You and your family are in my prayers. -Toni
I feel so honored and blessed to have read your article. You have a beautiful soul and I want to thank you for sharing this intimate love of your husband and children. You and your family are in my prayers. -Toni
You MUST believe dreams will never end. Miracles DO happen. Just NOT 4 me. A
1
I have to say: It's an incredible history about personal life who is dying of cancer. Really, when I've read was a deep impact in my mind. As an anthropologist who studied life in different ways and in diverse cultures to write histories of life likes you are living, It's tremendously amazing because you touch the flesh of the people who are suffering the same adventure of dying with cancer. However, you write with the beauty of the prose, despite the pain you and your family feel together. It's hard to say. You replay the culture of people who are dying with dignity, hope and beauty, because life should be optimistic way to live, despite the tremendous walls we have to overcome. Your journey is an example to follow.
I had a sarcoma. Grade three. But the therapies nowadays are so good, in my case surgery and radiology saved my life. Go ahead and cry, But live. I'm with you.
1
Oh what a glorious love letter - many tears - of joy and sorrow - oh that i could hug you and kiss you and your family - what w wonderful man - and life - - how grateful i am - to have read your story - what love - what love for you - thank you thank you - these ripples will go far <3
Thank you for the reminder,
.
.
3
You have so much Grace and courage to write a piece like this. I hope the end is full of Grace for you as well. It sounds like a fabulous, reciprocal marriage. I've always dreamed of having someone to stand side-by-side with - That kind of mutual love and support can face many trials. Kind of like a strong rock that is able to withstand the fiercest wave. I'm 55 and still haven't quite given up hope that someday, I'll find that kind of friend and love. He sounds like a phenomenal person (someone who can cook dinner, flip pancakes and make happy faces is a treasure indeed). He may not be able to find someone like you, where you bring out the best in each other. You might be the ONE. If he ever comes to PEI, Canada, and doesn't mind a short-round-brown person, tell him to look me up. I'm a pretty impressive cook as well. You sound like a pretty amazing and impressive person yourself - the world is definitely going to be a little dimmer without your light in the world.
5
Amy, have you read about these people? http://www.cancercenter.com/lung-cancer/stories/ Everything is possible!
5
Jason will certainly have an easier time of it than those of us who were wonderful husbands and still ended up divorced. I'm not sure if advertising him is such a good idea though. Just read about what happened recently to Helen Bailey.
3
I happened upon your article, and like the fellow commenters, was deeply moved. Your insights into the small (yet monumental) details that contribute to a life woven together by love were beautiful. It wasn't until finishing the article that I put two and two together that you are the author of Uni the Unicorn (my 5 year old's favorite book) which we read every night and she's memorized all the words to. Thank you for all of your beautiful words and for inspiring those near and far.
8
Amy, that is so touching. The truth is-- whether you have minutes left, days left, years left, or decades left-- one second of life is infinitely more than zero seconds of life. So seize that time like crazy! We're all on this Earth for a fleeting moment, so we all need to enjoy ourselves and try to make others happy too. The more you focus on being here, the less you'll think about not being here! Much love!
4
That was one of the most loving, selfless letters I have ever read. You are an amazing woman, and you and your husband obviously share a wonderful love and marriage. I would be thrilled and honored to meet him someday. He has all the attributes I am looking for, and probably most of the women on the planet are looking for as well! However, more than that I wish you lots more!!
Very simple: Thank you, Amy, and godspeed. I am going to get a tattoo...
12
Dear Amy, Like many, I read your article through tears... I'm sure there will be many who may want to marry Jason in the years to come, but I'm betting that he's going to be in love with you for a long time yet to come. Perhaps there will be room in his life for another love, but only perhaps. It may be that after 25 years of amazing love with you that that will be enough... that it will have to be, because I'm willing to bet that no one will hold a candle to you.
Can you tell that I speak from experience? Six years ago, at the age of 39, I lost my lover, husband, best friend, adventure partner, and co-parent. Yet even in the depths of my grief, I assumed then that in six years, I would have found a new life and new love. Yet here I still am, alone, because I cannot find anyone who even comes close to my Dave. It may be that Jason will feel that way, too. And that is OK. You've given him enough love for a lifetime.
Can you tell that I speak from experience? Six years ago, at the age of 39, I lost my lover, husband, best friend, adventure partner, and co-parent. Yet even in the depths of my grief, I assumed then that in six years, I would have found a new life and new love. Yet here I still am, alone, because I cannot find anyone who even comes close to my Dave. It may be that Jason will feel that way, too. And that is OK. You've given him enough love for a lifetime.
31
My name is Jason, my wife died suddenly of cancer 8 years ago, exactly 7 months after our son was born. It's all so very hard. More than a few people have sent me this article. What I appreciate most are the compassionate insightful comments of others. Wether it's shared or not, life is filled with mystery, wonder and joy. It's all gift... for a moment. Thanks Amy and everyone for sharing.
3
I lost my beloved partner this year and I'm still trying to find where to put all of the love I still have for her. From the perspective of someone still trying to figure this out, I think what you wrote was an incredible gift to your husband. Vicariously, me too. Thank you.
2
Amy,
He's not going to pick anyone else. Not for a very very long time. Why would he? I wouldn't. Not with that kind of love.
Godspeed. I cannot imagine what this is like.
I, like every person here, will hold you in my heart.
He's not going to pick anyone else. Not for a very very long time. Why would he? I wouldn't. Not with that kind of love.
Godspeed. I cannot imagine what this is like.
I, like every person here, will hold you in my heart.
6
What a beautiful love letter to your beloved. He must be equally as lucky to have found you. I wish you and your family peace and I also wish that you could've been together as you planned. Jason - call me. I'm in Chicago.
3
My handsome, briilisnt, wonderful husband died in 2014. No one can take his place and no one can take yours. I am sure my husband would want to see me happy with someone else instead of being lonely and yearning for what can no longer be. Your husband sounds like a gen...., so do you. What a lovely tribute you have written.
5
This is what it means to love someone I think. If I were to die young, I would want my wife to find someone to love her as much as I do. I want the best for her and if I am not here to give it to her, then I hope someone else does.
4
I have known you as an amazing book maker.
Today I meet you as the fabulous woman you are.
Thank you for so much generosity, intelligence and love.
Today I meet you as the fabulous woman you are.
Thank you for so much generosity, intelligence and love.
8
How could these words not touch a part deep down inside of every one of us?
As a medical student who has worked in a research lab studying ovarian cancer, I am hopeful that we will be able to catch these cancers sooner in their course as well as develop better treatments for advanced disease. I cried reading this because until then, Amy embodies my future patients--women with so much life left to live who suddenly have it all taken away. I only hope that I can be as strong as my patients are to help them face end of life care with dignity and love.
As woman who has an amazing, giving, loving partner, I also cried because of the softness and the silliness of Amy and Jason's romance and how much I hope that it reflects my future relationship. Everyone says that marriage takes work, but I hope that some things--hugs from behind in the kitchen, bringing home trinkets from trips, notes tucked away in pockets to be found later--stay effortless. I truly aspire to have the kind of partnership described through Amy's adoring lens.
Amy, I cannot thank you enough for this. You've continued to touch so many lives even at the end of your own.
As a medical student who has worked in a research lab studying ovarian cancer, I am hopeful that we will be able to catch these cancers sooner in their course as well as develop better treatments for advanced disease. I cried reading this because until then, Amy embodies my future patients--women with so much life left to live who suddenly have it all taken away. I only hope that I can be as strong as my patients are to help them face end of life care with dignity and love.
As woman who has an amazing, giving, loving partner, I also cried because of the softness and the silliness of Amy and Jason's romance and how much I hope that it reflects my future relationship. Everyone says that marriage takes work, but I hope that some things--hugs from behind in the kitchen, bringing home trinkets from trips, notes tucked away in pockets to be found later--stay effortless. I truly aspire to have the kind of partnership described through Amy's adoring lens.
Amy, I cannot thank you enough for this. You've continued to touch so many lives even at the end of your own.
13
If I hadn't recently found an amazing man myself, I'd be slightly envious of anyone who could follow your act. It took me 7 years to get over my first soul mate. Almost that long to even begin imagining that it was possible to find a second one. Someone who danced to a drummer who could enhance the music in my own soul. I didn't waste that time. I used it to learn to love myself. I learned to be true to the person I am and not follow others blindly. I learned to look past my own weaknesses and find the beauty I already possessed.
Your husband may not need that much time. He may need more. And while I think it's important that he knows he has your full support in moving on... it's going to take time. All the small things that made your lives special will be heartaches. Every argument you had is a heart break. And the grief, the hole inside is overwhelming. It hurts to look at. It hurts to look away. And when you poke at it, it rips and tears.
BUT, and this is a big but... I'd never choose not to have loved him. I'd never choose to have held back that last bit that makes the difference between "a love" and "The Love." every ounce of pain is there because the memories I have, the love I had ... was amazing and worth every shred of myself I lost when I lost him.
He can love again, he can love deeply again. But it's going to take time for both him and your children. You, and the love you shared... it's going to be a hard act to follow. Bless you for lighting his path.
Your husband may not need that much time. He may need more. And while I think it's important that he knows he has your full support in moving on... it's going to take time. All the small things that made your lives special will be heartaches. Every argument you had is a heart break. And the grief, the hole inside is overwhelming. It hurts to look at. It hurts to look away. And when you poke at it, it rips and tears.
BUT, and this is a big but... I'd never choose not to have loved him. I'd never choose to have held back that last bit that makes the difference between "a love" and "The Love." every ounce of pain is there because the memories I have, the love I had ... was amazing and worth every shred of myself I lost when I lost him.
He can love again, he can love deeply again. But it's going to take time for both him and your children. You, and the love you shared... it's going to be a hard act to follow. Bless you for lighting his path.
7
Amy. I wish you more. Much more.
13
What a beautiful thing to love someone so much that you believe they will be able to go on without you if you only give them permission and lay the foundation.
When my husband died 10 years ago, he left me with a directive. "Find someone to be with. You are too wonderful to be alone."
To which I replied "Because of you."
I have no doubt that Jason is all you say, and more. But he will not be these things with me, or with anyone else. He is these things with YOU, because you love him and he loves you, and that's how love changes us.
Grief also changes us. He may want to be all those things that he is for you and with you after you're gone; he may not. He may find those things impossible in your absence, even if they are central to his being. There is no way to know the shape of the wound that grief will cause, the edges it will leave to be mended, the scar that will remain.
He may be a different kind of wonderful husband or amazing father. He may be ready someday to tune into someone else who likes only the white gumballs. There is no way to know how stepping off the path the two of you walked together and onto his own will change him.
I am truly sorry about the certainty and uncertainty of the days ahead of all of you. As your paths diverge, I wish you both peace and clarity. Thank you for sharing yourself and your love story with all of us.
When my husband died 10 years ago, he left me with a directive. "Find someone to be with. You are too wonderful to be alone."
To which I replied "Because of you."
I have no doubt that Jason is all you say, and more. But he will not be these things with me, or with anyone else. He is these things with YOU, because you love him and he loves you, and that's how love changes us.
Grief also changes us. He may want to be all those things that he is for you and with you after you're gone; he may not. He may find those things impossible in your absence, even if they are central to his being. There is no way to know the shape of the wound that grief will cause, the edges it will leave to be mended, the scar that will remain.
He may be a different kind of wonderful husband or amazing father. He may be ready someday to tune into someone else who likes only the white gumballs. There is no way to know how stepping off the path the two of you walked together and onto his own will change him.
I am truly sorry about the certainty and uncertainty of the days ahead of all of you. As your paths diverge, I wish you both peace and clarity. Thank you for sharing yourself and your love story with all of us.
19
You have such an amazing gift for communicating love and goodness. You have given all of us who are devoted New York Times readers a gift beyond compare. Thank you.
11
At a time when you have every reason to wallow in bitterness, you instead issue this love letter to life, to your family, to your husband, and, really, to the rest of us who dream to have a life well-lived and a person to share it with--however long it may last. Your books were gifts to my children, which made them shout, like Little Pea, "again, again." And now, as an adult weeping at the kitchen counter as I read your beautiful words, I, too, am thinking "again, again." May you have more time, for more words and more love. Thank you for taking some of your precious moments to share this with us.
9
This is truly beautiful! It says to me that your love for your husband goes beyond the time that you will have on this earth and you want him to have love again in his lifetime. That is selfless. The love that you and Jason share can never be duplicated, it is unique to the two of you. I hope that if he does find a new love that they will honor and respect the love that he has for you for that should never change. Prayers for you, your family and friends.
5
But what If you live :)
what If your body include a miracle that can heal you in a climpse of an eye :)
waht if you go for that trip :)
what if you accept life for more other years :)
myny poeple have decided to live, I dont know how but they did just try in the bottem of your heart and your body will help you :)
ask your body, ask the universe, the god that you believe in it, ask your inner puissance to manifeste the solution and the cure for you it may be just an emotion :)
go for that trip you have dreamed about it and let what will happen happen :)
whish happiness for you and peace, with all my love and best whishes :)
what If your body include a miracle that can heal you in a climpse of an eye :)
waht if you go for that trip :)
what if you accept life for more other years :)
myny poeple have decided to live, I dont know how but they did just try in the bottem of your heart and your body will help you :)
ask your body, ask the universe, the god that you believe in it, ask your inner puissance to manifeste the solution and the cure for you it may be just an emotion :)
go for that trip you have dreamed about it and let what will happen happen :)
whish happiness for you and peace, with all my love and best whishes :)
3
If you're from USA you may know Dr. wayne dyer, Dr. deepak chopra, louise hay and many other authos and how was their journey to deal with cancer in final satges and in their books they tel about other people's stories :) so it's possible to heal and I'm not desonorating anybody.... I'm talking about possibilities and hope, and i'ts better to leave the world with hope than with no hope as one of my freind who died with cancer told me :) I really whish that she lives for more years as she want and I hope she keep hope as she deserve all the good and all the happiness in the world :)
Awesome.
3
For sure, such an amazing relationship is the work of two and that special AKR / J combination in particular.
Be that as it may, I find it difficult to believe that Jason would need your assistance in the romantic domain, yet, your implied permission may make it easier to try.
From what i read, J would have a real challenge to find someone as wonderful as you...
I would bet it would be a while before J will have the resolve to even think about that step.
Just my take...
Be that as it may, I find it difficult to believe that Jason would need your assistance in the romantic domain, yet, your implied permission may make it easier to try.
From what i read, J would have a real challenge to find someone as wonderful as you...
I would bet it would be a while before J will have the resolve to even think about that step.
Just my take...
3
I would also like to point out that no matter how much I loved my late great husband (and still do), I would never consider putting him on the auction block. This letter might be considered to be degrading.
If this man is so incredible, I'm sure he can take care of his own future.
If this man is so incredible, I'm sure he can take care of his own future.
18
Maybe its a way to help him to feel just a tiny bit free, and help him to see there is more beyond this chapter in their lives together. She is launching him into the land of the living, not necessarily auctioning him off.
5
Amy, I knew you were special from the moment I met you. Your beautiful family, your beautiful marriage, your love for your career, and your balance in life. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I love you all always and forever.
5
I don't deserve him. From now on, you and Jason are in my heart.
6
A friend of mine died of cancer a few years ago.
In her late thirties, she posted a similar letter on her husband's blog a month before she passed.
Six months after she passed, he read through the 40+ responses, contacted four and married one of them eighteen months later.
My friend built a bridge between herself, her young children and her husband's current wife and new family.
In her late thirties, she posted a similar letter on her husband's blog a month before she passed.
Six months after she passed, he read through the 40+ responses, contacted four and married one of them eighteen months later.
My friend built a bridge between herself, her young children and her husband's current wife and new family.
5
This article is maudlin, depressing and emotionally manipulative. The private thoughts, desires and dreams for her husband's future should only be shared with her husband and him alone. Did she not realize that women would swoon and giddily respond: "I'll marry him-- that is when he's ready." Or, "He sounds de-LISH. I'd love to meet him." New York Times editors, shame on you for printing this. Give the author some dignity. Instead, you give us the premise of a syrupy TV movie from the Hallmark, OWN or Lifetime channel. My opinion will probably not be posted. If it is, very few will understand or agree.
6
Bravo!
2
Soooooo judgmental.
I wish you more.
I wish you more.
2
I understand you, K.R. I come from an old New England family. You never speak of emotions, good or bad. If someone is dying, you don't even sniffle, at the funeral, you smile & say, welcome, I hope you are well. Even when you feel like curling up in a corner, sobbing the rest of your life away. I stood up to that "norm" with my Mother's death, then 5 months later my Father's death. I doubt either ever knew how much I cared. Now when I lose someone I care about I cry.
I have a husband of 45 years I love like crazy. We have rough patches. Now, he just had hernia surgery, I'm disabled so there is little I can do to help, though I try. We argue, even fight. This piece reminded me how much I would miss him, if this hadn't worked out as planned. Remember Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
This was the year we were going to Disney. Well, hernia surgery, & the need of a new car changed that.
No life is ever perfect. Even Amy's. If it was, she wouldn't have cancer. Sometimes the imperfections are many but little, sometimes one & catastrophic. Amy reminded me that the many but little imperfections are not that important. Even if sometimes when he asks something he leaves the subject out, & then gets irradiated when I ask, "huh". Grumpy happens. But, it shouldn't be the end of the world.
Amy, when you get there, ask for Shady Fox & check out Raglan Shire Upper. You'll have a blast.
I have a husband of 45 years I love like crazy. We have rough patches. Now, he just had hernia surgery, I'm disabled so there is little I can do to help, though I try. We argue, even fight. This piece reminded me how much I would miss him, if this hadn't worked out as planned. Remember Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
This was the year we were going to Disney. Well, hernia surgery, & the need of a new car changed that.
No life is ever perfect. Even Amy's. If it was, she wouldn't have cancer. Sometimes the imperfections are many but little, sometimes one & catastrophic. Amy reminded me that the many but little imperfections are not that important. Even if sometimes when he asks something he leaves the subject out, & then gets irradiated when I ask, "huh". Grumpy happens. But, it shouldn't be the end of the world.
Amy, when you get there, ask for Shady Fox & check out Raglan Shire Upper. You'll have a blast.
A sad story... Sounds like a dream come true... especially for someone such as me... Although single... a man such as he diserves more than me... and there are so many amazing single ladies out there... I pray if he reads this comment that when he does... it finds him very well... can not imagine going through such heart ache... and I hope the process of this experience strengthens his being and in some small way enriches his life if just only in the knowing that he has been blessed enough to have known true love. As many never do... ((Big hugs for you all..))
It seems that you live a very happy and lucky life. It sucks that this happened. I hope you can enjoy more time of it. And that your husband and kids can find happiness again when it's time.
Read a book from robi draco rosa, he is famous spanish singer, beat cancer twice, he change his diet to a diet base of plants. I am sorry you have been diagnosted with cancer, your post is somehow confusing, like giving up while you are here..
2
Where do i find a woman with half or even 1/4 of what you say are Jason's incredible attributes. Please don't flame me that i'm a whiny, anti-feminist angry white dude. The dating social scheme of things ? Was on Match 3 months with not even a reply. Went to Our Time.....nothing. I write a couple of sentences asking if a woman who caught my eye wanted to get coffee? Nothing.....not even an a peep or tweet. Plenty of Fish ? Fuhgetaboutit. I'm going to be 60 this year so Tinder, Bumble and other quick hook-ups via smartphone not in the cards. BTW... i had a job for 26 yrs, now an ex-wife, have a nice car, nice home. Its tough out there. Welcome to The Jungle. But the writer of this piece finds LOVE in ONE HOUR !!!...God Bless her and her so called "uncle" for setting up a blind date. I guess she did catch lightning in a bottle. I'm just looking to grab a coffee w/ a female who replies back and really likes coffee.
8
You really know how to break a heart. Mine started to break in your fourth paragraph and hasn't stopped since.
6
Hi Amy,
A beautiful write-up indeed, and a sadness there too. I'll pray for your health. May God shower a miracle on you. He does on his children. :-)
I'll pray that Jason and you spend much more time together, once you recover from the illness. I'll pray you're able to see and make your grandchildren sit around you in the garden, and read them stories.
I'll pray that such a beautiful and selfless person as you keeps adding love to this World!
Do take care of yourself and I believe all our prayers will be answered by Him. :-)
A beautiful write-up indeed, and a sadness there too. I'll pray for your health. May God shower a miracle on you. He does on his children. :-)
I'll pray that Jason and you spend much more time together, once you recover from the illness. I'll pray you're able to see and make your grandchildren sit around you in the garden, and read them stories.
I'll pray that such a beautiful and selfless person as you keeps adding love to this World!
Do take care of yourself and I believe all our prayers will be answered by Him. :-)
1
Pure love.... what else is there to say... Love back at you....
1
My mother died of ovarian cancer. Until the day of her death, she was always surrounded by loving family. Once diagnosed, we decided to live only 'one day at a time'...fully...joyfully...lovingly. I hope you and your family will find joy in this approach. Best Wishes Catherine W. Real
1
This is beautifully written. I'd like to offer you some hope; I am of the LDS faith, and we believe that marriages can be eternal. I personally believe that you will have the opportunity to be with Jason again, after this life. Jason may find love again in this life, but your future together isn't cancelled. I urge you to trust that you have so much to look forward to, together!
1
It is clear that his love for you is as eloquent as your prose.
May you both continue to be blessed by your deep love for each other.
May you both continue to be blessed by your deep love for each other.
5
Thank you for your lovely piece. God bless.
2
I know that if you believe in heaven when you get there you'll meet my husband who died one year ago the two of you will get along beautifully ... Harvard lawyer, witty, redhead. Say hello for me and know that your love for Jason is what will guide him to his next friend and hopefully more ... Good luck to you my friend!
2
Amy, there IS more.
This life was just book, you have others to write.
See you there.
This life was just book, you have others to write.
See you there.
6
Dear Amy,
I was was more than touched by your 'heartfelt' beautifully words expressed in 'Modern Love'.
Thank you for sharing your personal story with your audience. Not only have you been Blessed by your husband and Loving family, but they are Blessed by your wisdom, integrity and deep appreciation of their love and support.
You were a classmate of my daughter,[Allison] I remember how you were Blessed by your loving family. You represent God's qualities of selfless Love.
My prayers to you and your family as you 'complete' your fruitful journey.
Sincerely,
Sandra Sommers
I was was more than touched by your 'heartfelt' beautifully words expressed in 'Modern Love'.
Thank you for sharing your personal story with your audience. Not only have you been Blessed by your husband and Loving family, but they are Blessed by your wisdom, integrity and deep appreciation of their love and support.
You were a classmate of my daughter,[Allison] I remember how you were Blessed by your loving family. You represent God's qualities of selfless Love.
My prayers to you and your family as you 'complete' your fruitful journey.
Sincerely,
Sandra Sommers
2
I wonder if you talked to your husband and considered his feelings before you wrote this. This is his personal business too. He is no doubt going thru hell and will continue to do so for some time. I wondered if this article was really about YOU and not him. I am sorry you are dying but grief can feel as bad as dying. He has to pick up the pieces after you go.
15
Really??? She is the writer....she can share "HER" story.
3
1. I'm sure, given what she described of their relationship, that she talked to her husband. Regardless, it's neither of our business.....not yours, not mine.
2. What kind of self-absorbed person chides another on their death bed? what is the purpose, exactly, of projecting into her your belief that this is about her. Might not you be wrong? Might this not be exactly what it is? Don't you think that perhaps this might be one of those times to keep your critical projections to yourself?
I'm not going yo lie, your post infuriated me on multiple levels. You know what hurts?
For her loved ones to read your attempt to kick her while she's down...that probably feels pretty rotten. Not that you care. You rendered your smug judgement on the internet and walked away.
Well, think twice the next time you want to chide someone you've never met for the sin of celebrating their good fortune on their death bed.
Honestly.
2. What kind of self-absorbed person chides another on their death bed? what is the purpose, exactly, of projecting into her your belief that this is about her. Might not you be wrong? Might this not be exactly what it is? Don't you think that perhaps this might be one of those times to keep your critical projections to yourself?
I'm not going yo lie, your post infuriated me on multiple levels. You know what hurts?
For her loved ones to read your attempt to kick her while she's down...that probably feels pretty rotten. Not that you care. You rendered your smug judgement on the internet and walked away.
Well, think twice the next time you want to chide someone you've never met for the sin of celebrating their good fortune on their death bed.
Honestly.
15
How ironic Karen. Your comment seems to be really about you, and not Amy's well written and soulful tribute to her husband. And please, tell us more what about what dying feels like? Most of us have never felt it before.
12
I read this and it was truly beautiful. Although Jason sounds wonderful, it really struck me, moreover, how wonderful you must be. Thank you and thinking of you.
17
I believe that there is such a thing as a perfect soulmate - some unquantifiable, transcendental power; an undercurrent felt yet unseen. I feel it with my other half. It sounds like you were fortunate enough to find something similar - because our relationship sounds so much like yours. So much of life lies in forces unseen, yet very real. I love your essay, and I wish your husband and family the best....but I personally think this special "force" is greater than death itself. If I am correct, then you will always be together in the most profound sense. I pray that I am, for both of us.
8
Jason, my Sincerest condolences & heartfelt sympathies for your loss. I just buried my Mother, so I really feel sad reading this for Amy & the children.
Amy, you were an Amazing person. I like to write too, and can tell you we're a Cool writer.
Love the South Africa coast pics, so I hope that Your family goes and celebrates you someday.
God Bless your entire family and wish that I had had a friend like you.
Amber Frye
Amy, you were an Amazing person. I like to write too, and can tell you we're a Cool writer.
Love the South Africa coast pics, so I hope that Your family goes and celebrates you someday.
God Bless your entire family and wish that I had had a friend like you.
Amber Frye
Dear Amy, As you get ready to start your next journey, through the unknown, you have accomplished something selfless: you have touched the hearts of people you don't even know, including me. I had become a "giver upper." Specifically, I had given up on men. Worse, I had decided that "manness" was somehow to blame for this. I'd decided that most men by nature are just jerks. Then I read your essay, and I had to take a big step back. I found myself reading with an open mind, and thought, "A man like Jason would be such a different story," asking "Why has no man ever treated me like that?" Then I had to face up to my having chosen men so unlike Jason. The failures were my own doing: wanting more, and choosing less. No one has disappointed me but me. You have given me an important lesson here, and I thank you for being the honest writer and kind person that you clearly are. I can give you nothing in return except my fervent wishes for peace in this transition; all will be well. My heart reaches out to you in compassion.
25
How wonderful that even in her last moments, Amy was able to touch you in such a way that you may be open again to love...I am almost 60, and I have just met the love of my life: it's never too late.
8
What I most admire is your discipline and energy. It's hard to stay focused and motivated while on morphine and similar. To write like this you clearly do want "more". statinvictims.com
3
Your article hit me square in the gut. I, too, am happily married to my Jeff for 26 years (we joke it's been the best 20 years of our lives!). We married at 24 and have a grown son (who borrows his father's clothes often - especially his snazzy socks) and a 20 year old daughter whose first concert was Green Day (hand-in-hand with her daddy). My Jeff loves travel, music, and knows exactly how to make my favorite dirty martini. He is artistic, but his law degree keeps him in court and downtown most days as well. We got my first (and his second) tattoo together on our daughter's 18th birthday. Mine is my favorite quote by Thoreau, "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." I look at this beautiful "dating profile" you have written for your Jason and see a woman who has been incredibly blessed with an amazing husband and dealt a very sh*tty hand in life. Your essay is an ode to your love and the strong bond you and Jason share. Your kids are so fortunate to have watched the two of you be in love with each other and will cherish your words about their father for the rest of their lives. But without a doubt, Jason will hate that you had to write the words at all and love you all the more for them when you are no longer by his side. You are a remarkable woman, Amy. Thank you for the reminder to live each day with passion. I pray for you, Jason and your kids and send you the biggest hug for sharing your story and inspiring everyone who reads your words.
16
Not all of us with fatal diseases are as generous as Amy. I realize that my husband will probably marry somebody else after I die, but I believe that I will always be his great love. I want him to be happy, but I am not as willing to cede my place in his heart.
6
I'm swiping right for both of you! I almost couldn't read the NYTs today, bc so much of what we're reading in the news is deeply troubling. Your essay brought me to tears not only bc it reminds us that life is fragile, but also bc your story is very full of joy. I hope that you'll stay strong, survive this, and that the two of you will have more time together. Of course I'd love to meet your husband. But I also wish I had a chance to meet you.
6
Amy: tears are still streaming down my cheeks from reading your unbelievably touching "Modern Love" column. It reminds me of a line that I read in a poem by Georgie Starbuck Galbraith many years ago: "...Love's season is brief:
Only a lifetime...Never enough."
Only a lifetime...Never enough."
19
What struck me about this beautiful story was the admiration and respect you have for your Husband. Too often, couples nitpick each other in public. He's the 'idiot' who can't do anything, while she is the 'ole ball n chain'.
Then there is the endless comic portrayals of husbands/men in commercials or movies. Where wives and children put up with their husband/father.
If he's anything remotely as you describe, I can only imagine how great you are as well. My condolences.
Then there is the endless comic portrayals of husbands/men in commercials or movies. Where wives and children put up with their husband/father.
If he's anything remotely as you describe, I can only imagine how great you are as well. My condolences.
7
Your description of your husband summarises what a great person he is, but more so it highlights what a graceful soul you are. When two beautiful 'characters' like this come together, it manifests in true love.
True love is rarer than the diamonds that that are supposed to represent it... and even diamonds don't last forever.
You absolutely destroyed cancer when you chose for your family perseverance over despondence. May the last days of your life be the best! :)
True love is rarer than the diamonds that that are supposed to represent it... and even diamonds don't last forever.
You absolutely destroyed cancer when you chose for your family perseverance over despondence. May the last days of your life be the best! :)
10
I too had a Jason. I lost him in 2009. We were together for 36 years, married for nearly 34 of them. As one of my kids says, I was spoiled. He was gorgeous and brilliant and a man of many facets and accomplishments.
My incredible husband could never be replaced, and I have never even considered replacing him.
Perhaps your Jason will feel the same way.
My incredible husband could never be replaced, and I have never even considered replacing him.
Perhaps your Jason will feel the same way.
6
Thank you Amy (May and Yam), for such a beautiful tribute to your husband and your life together. Your story has stayed with me for a whole weekend - a very sunny and very yellow one. I was thinking of you when I was in the Botanic Gardens at Mrs Macquarie's Chair when I noticed yellow petals all over the ground. I threw some into the Harbour for you, with all love.
The Krouse Rosenthal family and friends are very much in my thoughts and I particularly wish Jason strength, comfort and peace.
The Krouse Rosenthal family and friends are very much in my thoughts and I particularly wish Jason strength, comfort and peace.
3
AMY KROUSE ROSENTHAL Has shared an extraordinary view of the arc of her life from the time she met her husband Jason till now, when she believes her departure from the Earth is imminent. She is so full of love for him, their adult kids, for life, that her spirit is incandescent. Immortal. Her words are an act of extraordinary generosity, letting us peer into her soul. Only the pure of heart will understand how loving you are, Amy. Peace and Love.
9
This is just beautiful, Read it he other day and have come back to it.
Two phenomenally lucky people, obviously both of great hearts, character, kindness, generosity and open hearted love.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Such a a wonderful tonic to the state of things in our country.
Two phenomenally lucky people, obviously both of great hearts, character, kindness, generosity and open hearted love.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Such a a wonderful tonic to the state of things in our country.
9
Best lines ever:
"No wonder the word cancer and cancel look so similar. This is when we entered what I came to think of as Plan “Be,” existing only in the present."
Any of us who've been there knows this. I am grateful to you, AKR, for your brilliance, your life and your love.
"No wonder the word cancer and cancel look so similar. This is when we entered what I came to think of as Plan “Be,” existing only in the present."
Any of us who've been there knows this. I am grateful to you, AKR, for your brilliance, your life and your love.
12
The epitome of Unconditional Love.
8
Your husband sounds like an amazing man, the kind all of us single ladies dream of meeting. But how will any of us measure up to someone as amazing as you? Your presence on earth will be sorely missed,.
10
Amy,
Your husband sounds like an absolutely wonderful man and you are very lucky to have him and he is lucky to have such a caring wife. I am a 43 year old single mom of 3 girls, 2 are in the twenties and the youngest is 11. I have wished to find a man like yours. There are very few of them around still. Any woman would be lucky to have him and if he is ever looking for some support and who knows where it will go , please feel free to contact me
Your husband sounds like an absolutely wonderful man and you are very lucky to have him and he is lucky to have such a caring wife. I am a 43 year old single mom of 3 girls, 2 are in the twenties and the youngest is 11. I have wished to find a man like yours. There are very few of them around still. Any woman would be lucky to have him and if he is ever looking for some support and who knows where it will go , please feel free to contact me
7
What a beautiful person you are ... inside and out. Jason must realize his good fortune in marrying you. I hope you will stay strong and that you can survive this in some way and that the two of you will have more time together. We have all lost love -- it is inevitable -- it is one of the most human conditions. This is why your essay spoke to me and to so many others. I'm swiping right for both of you! xo
3
So happy that you enjoyed a full life....and so sad for the loved ones you'll be leaving behind. It's obvious that your shoes will be very hard to fill. Much love....
2
I will wait until he's ready...I'd be honored to have him in my life
3
This comment is so strange and off-putting -I simply do not understand the need to put such intensely personal information out there for complete strangers to read and comment on ..........
3
Amy,
I absolutely understand what you're doing. You've written a loving letter of appreciation --a way to concretize your feelings--to say good-by and to free Jason to move on in life. I would marry your husband--he sounds delightful--but he's too young. Hopefully, your missive will bring many lovely candidates to his door. And because you love him-you want his happiness--and know his joy is entwined with another. For 26 years you have been his other--and you seek to find him new and renewed purpose in a loving connection. Kuddos!
I absolutely understand what you're doing. You've written a loving letter of appreciation --a way to concretize your feelings--to say good-by and to free Jason to move on in life. I would marry your husband--he sounds delightful--but he's too young. Hopefully, your missive will bring many lovely candidates to his door. And because you love him-you want his happiness--and know his joy is entwined with another. For 26 years you have been his other--and you seek to find him new and renewed purpose in a loving connection. Kuddos!
As a' feminist ' , or just modern man, I would be unhappy if Jason had objectified his wife like this. That would be kinda un-cool, yaknow.
10
There might be a giant gaping hole where your heart is supposed to be.
8
When I first read this,I thought it was satire. Judging from the comments, it's apparently not.
2
In what sense did she "objectify" him? She didn't say, "you might want to marry my husband because he's hot." She talked about him like he's a wonderful human being, not a piece of meat. She does not treat him with a sense of ownership. The whole dating profile is just a vehicle for a loving tribute to her husband and a sincere with that he finds happiness. I don't think you know what objectification means. As a feminist, I can't fathom what would be wrong here if the genders were reversed.
2
Something compelled me to read your beautiful essay this morning and I am so grateful that I did. I lost a dear friend to ovarian cancer and she, also, was concerned about the next phase for her husband ("no one under 35!"). I wish for you a peaceful passing and for your sweet husband a chance to eventually find love again.
3
Beautifully said. I recently lost my Jason, although his name was David and we had 51 mostly lovely years together. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect life partner.
As I approach 80 in a year and a little, I would give anything to have my David by my side right now.
As for you, I wish I knew you and your Jason as you sound like a great couple. I am so sad that you will soon be gone from Jason's life and Ihope that someday Jason may find a lovely person to fill the void when you are gone.
However, I am afraid that you will be a hard act to follow.
As I approach 80 in a year and a little, I would give anything to have my David by my side right now.
As for you, I wish I knew you and your Jason as you sound like a great couple. I am so sad that you will soon be gone from Jason's life and Ihope that someday Jason may find a lovely person to fill the void when you are gone.
However, I am afraid that you will be a hard act to follow.
10
Amy,
You seem pretty terrific yourself. Your husband loves you because you love him. That in itself is pretty wonderful. More couples should feel that way about one another. I only wish the passion I once had for my husband did not fade over the years. Work and stress and selfishness wrecked my relationship. Your relationship has stood the test of time and I wish you much, much more time.
You seem pretty terrific yourself. Your husband loves you because you love him. That in itself is pretty wonderful. More couples should feel that way about one another. I only wish the passion I once had for my husband did not fade over the years. Work and stress and selfishness wrecked my relationship. Your relationship has stood the test of time and I wish you much, much more time.
5
Thank you Amy for your uplifting writing and for reminding us that our time is limited and hence we should fill it with love. Your complete lack of self-obsession even in these trying moments makes it possible for you to give and receive love. You are an inspiration and I hope that you get well soon. Miracles happen. Take care.
2
Unequivocally the most beautiful, if chilling story and love story I've read in some time, if not ever.
It's fantastic you found each other. Fantastic you fell in love. Fantastic you had as much time as you had. Glad you value, treasure each other and sounds as though you always did. So happy you appreciate and apparently always did, what you had.
Knowing you got cancer, I'm ultimately reminded of the quote, "God has some explaining to do."
It's fantastic you found each other. Fantastic you fell in love. Fantastic you had as much time as you had. Glad you value, treasure each other and sounds as though you always did. So happy you appreciate and apparently always did, what you had.
Knowing you got cancer, I'm ultimately reminded of the quote, "God has some explaining to do."
2
Dear Amy - thank you for making my life better with your books my children have loved. Wishing you love and grace.
4
Amy is one of my oldest, dearest friends and I'm proud of (though not at all surprised by) her courage and selflessness in writing this. Another friend commented this should inspire us all to live everyday to the fullest and frequently express our love and appreciation for those we hold dear, it's just tragic that the inspiration came from having to confront her mortality. The sad irony is that Amy has been saying this for years. In her series of "The Beckoning of the Lovely" she constantly reminded us "Make the most of your time here!" She didn't need to be confronted with mortality to see this, the irony is that is what it took for the world to listen. As always, you see what most people don't. You see the magic in everything. Thank you for teaching us those lessons, and for enriching my life so much.
35
Hi .. how can I contact Amy. She is such an inspiration. .
Dear Amy..... your so thoughtful to be gracious enough to give your husband permission to live again. But don't be surprised if you watch from above and he takes his time. He may need it. As you are and will always be his first love. First wife. People can and do live with out a spouse and that's OK. You'll still be with him in spirit after your physically passed. I know this because my mother passed in my arms from cancer. So rest peacefully Amy and I please don't be sad. Your love will always be with Jason and your children. I love you. Too. God loves you.
5
I am in tears reading such a warm love story. It makes me sad that Amy couldn't have more time with her Jason and serves as a reminder that I've never met mine. I have what my friends call a "broken picker". I can only hope to find someone to write such wonderful things about. Bless you Amy wherever you may be. And, Jason, I hope you do find someone to spend your life with - though it will undoubtedly be difficult given how much you have been loved already.
3
Amy, I definitely want to marry your husband!! He sounds like a real mensch.
:)
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I hope for some kind of medical miracle so you and Jason can spend another 26 years together.
:)
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I hope for some kind of medical miracle so you and Jason can spend another 26 years together.
2
This news has broken my heart. You may not remember me, Amy, but you selflessly agreed to come to the Title One school where I taught about 8-9 years ago to speak to the entire student body about your writing and the power of reading. You agreed to come in response to an email I sent you, simply asking. You took no payment, you were amazingly lovely to everyone, and you took a few hours to sign your books for the students. Thank you for the way your life touched mine, and all 453 students who were blessed to hear your love of words.
40
Amy, I was the one left behind in our marriage after 31 years. I want to let you know that, while I miss Tom every single day, it was because I learned, with him, to love well that I now love again. It's not the same, but it's wonderful and ... it's love. I am very sorry that you have to say good-bye to Jason and everyone -- I am so sorry -- but glad that you appreciate that you can. He will always, always, feel you in his heart. I hope you can somehow feel him, too.
4
I read the article with great interest and I am happy that your husband decided to stand by you. When I was diagnosed with cancer (chondrosarcoma) at age 28, my husband walked off and left me with our then 2 year old son. You can probably tell that I did not have any kind words for him, but now 25 years later, I am glad he left because my life changed for the better. I can say today that cancer wasn't the end but the catalyst that brought about a change in my life for the better.
6
Dear Amy
If only the love you feel for your husband and children could create the ultimate medicin (With a spoon full of sugar makes the medicin go down...)....
How brave you are, my deepest respect
And if Jason and your children would like to come over to the French Riviera I would love to welcome them
All my best wishes
With love from France
If only the love you feel for your husband and children could create the ultimate medicin (With a spoon full of sugar makes the medicin go down...)....
How brave you are, my deepest respect
And if Jason and your children would like to come over to the French Riviera I would love to welcome them
All my best wishes
With love from France
2
Thank you, Amy, for the hope you have planted in this reader and many, many others. Sending wishes of strength and peace your way.
2
I am sitting here as my wonderful husband of nearly 35 years is fighting so hard against a terrible cancer. He has gracefully gone through horrific treatment after horrific treatment and nothing is working. Like you, he worries about what is going to happen to me. Your wonderful tribute to your husband is the best gift you could ever have given him. Watching your true love face death is about the most painful, heart wrenching thing a person can experience. Knowing how much that person loved you and wants the best for you after he or she is gone is a real comfort. I never thought I would be a widow at 56 years of age, but I know the love he and encouragement he has provided me will keep me going. God bless you and your husband.
4
May you and your loved ones be completely blessed by the all-encompassing universal godhead of love, security and peace. You are blessed already, for reminding us that The drive for "More" can be the greatest form of worship there is. when that impulse is for the experience of all of the intangible beauty of life. That spirit within you, and the consciousness that has joined with your husband, will never be snuffed out.
And thank you for sharing yourself, your learned wisdom, your love, and your precious time with all of us.
"For it is only the finite that has wrought and suffered; the infinite lies stretched in smiling repose." - Emerson
And thank you for sharing yourself, your learned wisdom, your love, and your precious time with all of us.
"For it is only the finite that has wrought and suffered; the infinite lies stretched in smiling repose." - Emerson
2
I have never met you...or read your books. But, I will miss you terribly.
Thanks for the wisdom you offered.
Thanks for the wisdom you offered.
5
Read this article and started balling like a baby. My wife had this conversation with me a half dozen times, and I wanted no part in it. I tried to stay "positive", "You are going to get well, you are going to beat this!" She said, "I am not so sure about that," and she did not beat it. Long story short, she died, and surprisingly I met a wonderful woman a couple months later ("too soon"), as my wife had wished for me. After having sung my praises at my wife's memorial, on hearing that I was dating someone new, 2.5 years ago my daughter told me, " Dad, you do not get it. I never, ever, ever want to see you again!" never having given my girlfriend the courtesy of meeting her in person. All I can say is, kudos to the author of this article. You sound like a wonderful woman and your husband sounds like a wonderful man, who has every right in this world to some happiness after suffering along side you watching the love of his life waste away. The pain of this is gut wrenching. I admire her courage and love to hope that somehow her man can make a new life for himself rather than waste away totally shattered and torn to pieces. Amen!
6
Glad you found happiness; however, you had a child who was still grieving the loss of a parent when you met someone new. As the longer living adult, you might have been more sensitive in regard to your own child.
2
If the "child" is an adult, then I don't see what business it is if her father marries again--at whatever point in time. Really. This apparently happens a lot--and not just in the case of death of a spouse. Some children do not want to see their divorced/widowed parent marry again--ever, no matter how much time has passed.
There is sensitive, and there is controlling. Since I doubt his daughter spent all of her time with her Dad, just when she needed him, or had a little time for him. Then she who praised him in public at her mother's Memorial, says that to him? It's she who doesn't get it.
I still bless the 5 months I had with my Dad after Mom died. I bent my schedule & saw him whenever we could get together. If he had found a friend, even a lover, I for one, would never know, old New England families don't discuss such things. But, if he had married her, I would have been thrilled. I think he would have lived longer. Mom died 6 days before their 51st wedding anniversary, the day she was to come home from the hospital. She went home. Just not to the one we expected.
In good marriages, Husbands love wives, wives love husbands, & the children bask in the light of that love. The love of a mother for a child, the love of a father for a child, are separate. This child wanted it all. That is never to be.
I'd like to know how she would have reacted if he walked into her & her husband's small apartment, looked around and made a comment about maybe putting a day bed in the dining area, and moving in. My Dad did. Didn't live long enough to follow through though. Still don't know what I would have thought about that.
I still bless the 5 months I had with my Dad after Mom died. I bent my schedule & saw him whenever we could get together. If he had found a friend, even a lover, I for one, would never know, old New England families don't discuss such things. But, if he had married her, I would have been thrilled. I think he would have lived longer. Mom died 6 days before their 51st wedding anniversary, the day she was to come home from the hospital. She went home. Just not to the one we expected.
In good marriages, Husbands love wives, wives love husbands, & the children bask in the light of that love. The love of a mother for a child, the love of a father for a child, are separate. This child wanted it all. That is never to be.
I'd like to know how she would have reacted if he walked into her & her husband's small apartment, looked around and made a comment about maybe putting a day bed in the dining area, and moving in. My Dad did. Didn't live long enough to follow through though. Still don't know what I would have thought about that.
You are so brave, Amy. And so fortunate to have had the love of your life up to your own last moment. It will be hard for Jason, believe me. Not long after you were diagnosed in fall of 2015 my own husband was diagnosed with a second and as it turned out fatal cancer. He died last May and, despite the fact that we had known each other since 1980, we only had 6 years together, those last 6. He is gone now and I am Jason. He will miss you too much to want to find love again. Sounds to me like you (like my husband) would be a hard act to follow. Even though I miss him horribly, I am comforted in knowing that I was lucky. I got to know a real and profound and tender love in my lifetime.
5
Thank you for posting inspiring essays. We need some beauty in this all too often painful world we live in.
Dear Amy, in these moments the words do not need little or nothing, because we're not hearing what you are going througt right now so delicate,I know it;You have a generous heart,you're not sefish,you want your husband to be happy,this is a beautful thing.I hope for miracle for you.God bless you an all his family.
1
Being an over 60 year-old retiree, I envy the guy you wrote about. I married my one-and-only wife for over 40 good-and-bad years. But she never described me as the one or even close to the one you wrote about. All I can say is that I provided decent living to my family and good education to my kids. Most important of all, she can always count on me to help her solving the problems. She knows that in her heart.
6
You said it all, you provided a decent living for your family and a good education for your children. For that, I will describe you as the perfect soul-mate, lover, and provider....
2
Amy:
Life is definitely not fair. I would've loved to have met someone like your Jason. It seems more bid that I am thinking about this is I write as you are still here and enjoying Jason and your family as well as you can. I would like to meet someone like him someday. I would like to have coffee with someone like you.
Sincerely,
Judith (Judy) Ritholz MD
Life is definitely not fair. I would've loved to have met someone like your Jason. It seems more bid that I am thinking about this is I write as you are still here and enjoying Jason and your family as well as you can. I would like to meet someone like him someday. I would like to have coffee with someone like you.
Sincerely,
Judith (Judy) Ritholz MD
2
I commend your selflessness in writing this.
2
I am crying right now. This essay is so beautiful. To experience love in this way, it is freeing and remarkable. I can feel the love shared between the two of you. I am left with exceptional optimism Jason will have love.
I also want to thank Amy Krouse Rosenthal and the New York Times for this gift to us readers. I was so moved by this essay that I hit the internet and had the dream of finding the perfect gifts for my granddaughter who is about to become a big sister, THE BIG SIBLING BOOK, and my daughter's birthday (she is a nurse who is the mother of both the big sibling and the daughter to be), THAT'S ME LOVING YOU. And found a gift to myself to give meaning to my long and often uninspired life fraught with too many words and ideas that resembles that hall closet whose door one is afraid of opening - ENCYCLOPEDIA OF ME. Ms. Rosenthal may have ovaries that have betrayed her, but her heart will be everlasting.
5
What a beautiful love letter!
If I were "Jason" I would be very hurt and angry by this. Their marriage being described and perfection, anything else would be a letdown. I have the same gift, and I would never remarry.
4
This is the most beautiful love story I did read in years.
Thank you for telling your story
I friend of mine has breast cancer.
She lives in Florida
She is lucky, the chances she will be getting better is great
Again thank you to tell your story
I really hope that your husband will find a new girlfriend
May you have a wonderful journey to the world behind the horizon
Thank you for telling your story
I friend of mine has breast cancer.
She lives in Florida
She is lucky, the chances she will be getting better is great
Again thank you to tell your story
I really hope that your husband will find a new girlfriend
May you have a wonderful journey to the world behind the horizon
Incredibly moving and poignant article. Amy (and I truly hope you're still here), I think you left out an important gift your husband has enjoyed: luck. Namely, in being able to spend 26 years with you.
1
I love this. Just one comment I think the author would appreciate. The phrase is "back east," not "out east."
My Dad sent this article to me, wanting me to read it, saying it was "Heartbreaking and so sweet..." I read it and cried. This is what love is. I want to meet your husband. He sounds like a wonderful man.
1
Beautifully written and I'm certain his feelings for you match yours for him x
1
Now gone I am sure. He was lucky to have you. You and your voice will be missed. Honor and love. Thank you for reminding us.
My wife died after 45 years of marriage. We occasionally talked about dying together - an unlikely occurrence. I began to write about our lives together, her death and my grief. This is not my story - everyone's is different. But this is a love story that made me cringe from beginning to end. It is not a love story at all but, as Ms. Rosenthal put it, "a sick joke".
1
Hi Amy, what a sweet attribute to ur husband, now i know true love thus exist, dont worry much God sees u there's no situation thats to big for him just put ur hope and trust on him and believe in him thst he is capable of restoring all infirmity, buh first u have to surrender totally to God and accept him as ur saviour, confess ur sins to God then watch him deliver u...remember jesus loves us,nothing is too big for him to handle, have Faith Amy, God bless u
1
This is not a new type of story. It's been used in movies and television over the years. It was even a multi episode crossover in Melrose Place 20 years ago.
Who cares? This isn't newsworthy or original. Total waste.
Who cares? This isn't newsworthy or original. Total waste.
5
The Modern Love column is not about news. Not only was this piece beautifully written, but it's touched so many people. I was at an event today and everyone was talking about how much it moved them. Several different people have already forwarded it to me. And so very many have favorably commented upon it here. This is not fiction as was Melrose Place; it is true, and therefore heartbreaking. But it sounds like you don't have a heart.
1
Toymax,
You do realize this story is real, right? This is something that's happening right now to a real full-dimensional fellow human being. Has your sense of compassion been desensitized to a fellow human simply because someone on TV has died too?
You do realize this story is real, right? This is something that's happening right now to a real full-dimensional fellow human being. Has your sense of compassion been desensitized to a fellow human simply because someone on TV has died too?
2
Then 1. Why did you read it. 2. Why did you comment on it. 3. It is new. As new as every love that has ever been. For that reason alone it is original. It's not fiction. It's truth. You do know what truth is, don't you? I ask because so many these days don't. A life like that is a total waste.
Not sharing life & love with others is a waste. Old New England families have turned not sharing into a lifestyle. I know what it leads to. I am the baby of the family, both parents were the babies of their families. When I die, this branch of this family will be dead. Gone. Never to be seen again. My grandfather (a doctor) thought it was from inbreeding & thining of the blood (he started practicing around 1900). So he married a Native American woman. Didn't help much. Had 3 daughters, all gone now, I will take the 2nd branch with me, one is gone already. The third is prospering, because I think they followed Grampa's idea. These old New England great grand kids married Cuban. I wish them well as they soar with Gramps down through the ages.
Not sharing life & love with others is a waste. Old New England families have turned not sharing into a lifestyle. I know what it leads to. I am the baby of the family, both parents were the babies of their families. When I die, this branch of this family will be dead. Gone. Never to be seen again. My grandfather (a doctor) thought it was from inbreeding & thining of the blood (he started practicing around 1900). So he married a Native American woman. Didn't help much. Had 3 daughters, all gone now, I will take the 2nd branch with me, one is gone already. The third is prospering, because I think they followed Grampa's idea. These old New England great grand kids married Cuban. I wish them well as they soar with Gramps down through the ages.
Wow, Amy, your message comes from somewhere between the heart and the soul. Best wishes to you and Jason.
1
What a terrific LOVE story. They should make a movie of this one. What a lovely unselfish woman. She loves him so much she wants him to be happy after she is gone. BRAVO! If I were younger I would marry him (if he'd have me )in a moment. I,too, had a wonderful husband so I know how much she loves him & him her.
God Bless You.
God Bless You.
1
This is a love letter, and I wish the author and her husband the very best, considering the circumstances. In my own experience, the end of life can be a beautiful as well as painful time, a time when the love one has given and enjoyed expands to fill every space.
(And though this is tangential, and perhaps not generous though, I will confess that the column made me wonder why it is that society - including spouses - is always so much more eager to see a widower remarry than a widow. )
(And though this is tangential, and perhaps not generous though, I will confess that the column made me wonder why it is that society - including spouses - is always so much more eager to see a widower remarry than a widow. )
5
I am 70 years old, and this is the best love story I have ever read. Bless your beautiful mind AKR, that it can translate what love is into verbal written images. I had begun to think that I had put my vision of love into an impossible frame as I shared my heart and soul with careless people who tore both to pieces. I finally have accepted that it is better have loved and lost (or been deluded) than never to have loved at all (note that I say nothing about an equal share being returned).
But you and Jason are proof that it does exist. This one exquisite essay throws Cinderella, Anna Karenina and any number of other literary heroines out the door. I abhor that we and your family will lose you prematurely, and thank you for sharing your love with us all.
But you and Jason are proof that it does exist. This one exquisite essay throws Cinderella, Anna Karenina and any number of other literary heroines out the door. I abhor that we and your family will lose you prematurely, and thank you for sharing your love with us all.
3
Amy, you are a hero. I admire you for who you are, the way you lived and loved, for your courageous and generous gift to your beloved husband and the people out there hoping to find the love you've experienced in this lifetime. Your message is deeply touching, profound and inspiring. You were blessed with true love, the light of which will comfort you during the transition. Love cannot be lost, it may only take different shapes or expressions. Your legacy and example are here to stay and I am sure we will meet again. Thank you again for you.
1
My parents have been together since their senior year of high school (going on 58 years). My Dad is a Jason type and they have been so lucky together. I have not had this kind of luck in choosing a partner. Though happily a mom and with a wonderful life and career and a good co-parenting relationship with my ex-husband, I am so touched by Amy's tribute to her husband, marriage and family. Most of all, it makes me feel hopeful. There are still wonderful, loyal, kind, funny men in the world. I love this essay and will go on to read everything else that Amy Krouse Rosenthal has written. I hope there is a surprise turnaround in her illness so that she gets to spend many more years with her husband and children.
2
Wow! You struck home, Amy. True love. When my beautiful wife of 38 years was in palliative care (cancer, too) she made me promise to find someone with whom to spend the rest of my life. Yes, true love. I honored her wish, eventually, three years after she left us. I was blessed a second time... learning that lightning rally can strike twice. God speed Amy... and Jason.
Your profile is a touching, wonderful tribute to your partner, and also to your own self-worth and confidence, for it takes two to make a marriage. How you see him, especially after what you two will go thru together in the near future may change him though, and what people see down the road will be different than what they might see now.
Give him a chance to be himself, and to allow that self to absorb what's happening, and grow into perhaps a different, hopefully no less wonderful, person.
Give him a chance to be himself, and to allow that self to absorb what's happening, and grow into perhaps a different, hopefully no less wonderful, person.
The most generous gift a dying spouse can offer her partner is the wish he or she continues their life and finds happiness with another. Thank you, Amy.
4
Ok, he's a nice guy, but she's the one I'd want to marry if I were looking.
Big hearted, unselfish, adult acceptance of her fate, wry humor, appreciative of the blessings she has had in life--what a woman.
I hope he finds the right woman, and never forgets the charms of the one who let him go so gracefully!
Big hearted, unselfish, adult acceptance of her fate, wry humor, appreciative of the blessings she has had in life--what a woman.
I hope he finds the right woman, and never forgets the charms of the one who let him go so gracefully!
7
Amy, my family remembers fondly your visit to International School Bangkok several years back, and we treasure the books you brought into the world, and our world (Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, Smart Cookie, Duck! Rabbit! on and on) . . . I was stunned to read this. Wishing you and yours peace, and sending you deep gratitude.
3
First time I comment an article on NYT...loved it!!!
2
And the only three words that count in my book are that he is an "absolutely wonderful father" ... you did good Amy, real good. See you in the by and by, your a winner too.
1
I thought I was a decent 'catch' with a great marriage... Gonna have to settle for 'Great Marriage' now that I've read this... Hard to believe, Harry...
"He has an affinity for tiny things: taster spoons, little jars, a mini-sculpture of a couple sitting on a bench, which he presented to me as a reminder of how our family began." For some reason, this part made me cry, perhaps because you have created a magnificent word mosaic of your life with Jason - micro memories, all the more powerful for their small sweetness. You are a woman of valor.
3
Cannot read without tearing up.
1
Amy:
When your journey here is complete there is a man very similar to your husband on "the other side". Maybe you two will meet. You would love him.
When your journey here is complete there is a man very similar to your husband on "the other side". Maybe you two will meet. You would love him.
2
I'm lucky. I have my own perfect fit, together 27 years, married 25 - so far. And yes, I still get a goofy look on my face when he walks into a roo. I hope Jason is able to find a way to go on and live and have a "rest of life".
Amy, just read your amazing reference letter for Jason. You are both blessed to have found each other. We need to love and appreciate everyone meaningful to us, daily, greedily. Avoid overt future-casting. Plan Be's have a strange way of overturning the best-laid road-maps. I also had great plans to see Europe after my retirement last year, touring with friends on roller-blades no less! ALS, at 74, made this a non-starter. But I am happy and content with spending another whatever with a loving partner. klaus in Seattle
2
I think Alain de Botton's "On Love" might provide clues for something of a counterbalance for this (entirely understandably!) emotional post. It would be actually more useful for a potential second wife for if you disclosed your husband's flaws! There's the risk here, that Wife No. 2 will feel as though she is falling short of your relationship's perfection. Would't it be kinder to give her some space to fail a bit? Wouldn't it be kinder to her to not set a ridiculously high bar? I'm afraid that that insight, for me, put your (unconscious perhaps) motivation under something of a cloud of suspicion, however well-meaning you believe wholeheartedly that you are.
5
Lucy, one could easily argue that both things (the good story and the flaws you'd like to hear) are perceived notions, more like, perceived narratives of the circumstance at hand; let's let the future wifey decide how to re-narrate Jason's story. While one can see the value behind well-intended pessimism, that, perhaps being the inability to being let down so easily and deeming flaws (narratives of flaws) as acceptable, I really doubt it is by any means superior to her current memory of mostly happy moments, both instances are arbitrary and from the perspective of "feelings" pragmatism, both seem to portray the same amount of positive and negative possible outcomes, and from the perspective of selling the idea of her hubby, how to put it? Rarely do people sell things by talking about their shortcomings, so just flat unpractical. Kinder? Geez, I can imagine there must be a feeling of joy in hearing all the comments from people, let's not go to Kantian lengths on the morality of deeds, but try for a second to imagine yourself dying and advertising the thing you cherished the most so someone can enjoy it.. you can question the motives all you want on the basis of some moral-logical-rigor, but that doesn't diminish the bravery of the act of putting yourself out there so the whole world can pierce through your vulnerability, that in itself, to me, is far bigger than preventing people from thinking a person is perfect, let them go figure, they might be old enough...
Wow, what a guy...I like to travel and dont cook much...I am so sorry to hear about your short journey...and feel bad for your kids too.
Amy Krouse Rosenthal, I am seriously touched by your text, life, feelings...I wish I could one day be able to experience and describe love as you do. I did not know you before this whole thing but now I feel like I've always knew you.
Nota bene: Erratum on the last paragraph in my written letter to Amy Krouse Rosenthal.
Last paragraph should read:
"Amy, Jason will miss you like no other; nevertheless, the FULLness of You - your Beauty, Goodness, altruistic Love, creative wit and Playful Spirit - will be rooted deep within his living presence here on earth.
Last paragraph should read:
"Amy, Jason will miss you like no other; nevertheless, the FULLness of You - your Beauty, Goodness, altruistic Love, creative wit and Playful Spirit - will be rooted deep within his living presence here on earth.
Dear Amy,
thank you for your gift, your letter, your strength and your ability to share something so personal yet so universal.
It pains me that it is elusive to many but I believe the distribution of your letter will open up a few more souls for it.
I thank you partly for reminding me of the amazing gems I have in my life but mostly for making me realise to never take any second for granted but savour it and use it as an opportunity to show love...Speaking of which ...
Dear Pierre, yes if I would ever get a tattoo it would be a very simple yet utterly unique piece of artistry : the most epic knightly version of the letter P.
Thank you Amy
V
thank you for your gift, your letter, your strength and your ability to share something so personal yet so universal.
It pains me that it is elusive to many but I believe the distribution of your letter will open up a few more souls for it.
I thank you partly for reminding me of the amazing gems I have in my life but mostly for making me realise to never take any second for granted but savour it and use it as an opportunity to show love...Speaking of which ...
Dear Pierre, yes if I would ever get a tattoo it would be a very simple yet utterly unique piece of artistry : the most epic knightly version of the letter P.
Thank you Amy
V
1
Dear Amy,
thank you for your gift, your letter, your strength and your ability to share something so personal yet so universal.
It pains me that it is elusive to many but I believe the distribution of your letter will open up a few more souls for it.
I thank you partly for reminding me of the amazing gems I have in my life but mostly for making me realise to never take any second for granted but savour it and use it as an opportunity to show love...Speaking of which ...
Dear Pierre, yes ...if I would ever get a tattoo it would be a very simple yet utterly unique piece of artistry : the most epic knightly version of the letter P.
Thank you so much
V
thank you for your gift, your letter, your strength and your ability to share something so personal yet so universal.
It pains me that it is elusive to many but I believe the distribution of your letter will open up a few more souls for it.
I thank you partly for reminding me of the amazing gems I have in my life but mostly for making me realise to never take any second for granted but savour it and use it as an opportunity to show love...Speaking of which ...
Dear Pierre, yes ...if I would ever get a tattoo it would be a very simple yet utterly unique piece of artistry : the most epic knightly version of the letter P.
Thank you so much
V
2
A film tribute to Amy:
Danish cinematographer, Susanne BIER : "After The Wedding"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lKCRdGXCeM
Academy Award: Best Foreign Language Film (2006)
Danish cinematographer, Susanne BIER : "After The Wedding"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lKCRdGXCeM
Academy Award: Best Foreign Language Film (2006)
Amy, I send you are message through fabook. I am so sorry for the both of you. I know exactly what Jason is facing when you leave becuse I went through it too. What you are going through though, I can only try to grasp. Your lives with each other, clearly shaped you both into loving, selfless and caring people and that will live on forever. I hope you write me back, sending all my love your way ♥
My heart goes out to both of you. I was diagnosed with ovarian and endometrial cancer in 2014. Jason sounds like a terrific guy.
2
Once in a blue moon an essay of such deep love and effection filled with pathos on knowing the inevitable.
An essay that has sent shivers of anguish into my heart.
Amy,you have proved that such love do exist.
I beseech our Lord to intercede and heal you.Miracles do happen.
Jason and your three Children are your bonds on earth.
An essay that has sent shivers of anguish into my heart.
Amy,you have proved that such love do exist.
I beseech our Lord to intercede and heal you.Miracles do happen.
Jason and your three Children are your bonds on earth.
1
Dear Amy,
I wish you with all my heart the longest posible time with your family. Your letter moved me, and no one should suffer a destiny like yours..
Everyone, including me, nows some one in your situation. But you've shown that the heart is so much stronger then the mind, or matter...
I wish you strength and peace of mind at the end of your time here on this beautiful blue marble we call home. I wish you 'more' of everything.....
Marc, Belgium.
I wish you with all my heart the longest posible time with your family. Your letter moved me, and no one should suffer a destiny like yours..
Everyone, including me, nows some one in your situation. But you've shown that the heart is so much stronger then the mind, or matter...
I wish you strength and peace of mind at the end of your time here on this beautiful blue marble we call home. I wish you 'more' of everything.....
Marc, Belgium.
2
A gorgeous tribute to true love and marriage. More, indeed.
Thank you for sharing. It makes me hopeful. Love is real. Some people live their whole lives without that kind of real love. I'm sad that you are sick and I wish you "more" too.
2
I'm trying to picture myself in your situation. I know you mean well to look for the right romance for your husband, something that I wouldn't and couldn't able to do.
I just want to pray and wish you a good journey here and in the after. Lots of love and prayers
I just want to pray and wish you a good journey here and in the after. Lots of love and prayers
Thank you. My husband of 34 years died two years ago. Before he died he told me that he wanted me to love again, but I still find the idea incomprehensible. Maybe one day, but not yet. I know your husband will cherish this love letter all the days of his life.
2
Just keep an open mind, don't hide, & see who comes by. You don't have to actively search for someone. But, don't squeeze your eyes tight closed either.
Amy, it sounds as though you and your husband and children have had a wonderful life together so far -- and I hope you get as much "more" as possible. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
3
9 years ago I met a man who had gone through the exact story with his wife. They had a love story, three kids and a beautiful life. I saw him grieve and became hopeless. He had just loss his other half. A year later I met him, he was still grieving and in so much pain. He was also fabulous, still is. His wife brought out the fabulousness in him. As life went on I reconnected with him 9 years later and he has moved from the loss. He has given himself the permission to love again. looking for the love his wife told him he should have. This reminded me of him. Amy you are ending it on your terms and created a new beginning for your dear husband. You have given him the freedom to stand in love and gratitude and their is no other gift you can give him, but the power and freedom to love again. Thank you for sharing this personal story with the world. Blessings.
5
I'm sorry that I'm not familiar with your work but now I have a good reason to look for you at the local library. I'm sorry you got cancer and that you won't get to do all of those wonderful things with this wonderful man. I'm really glad you lived long enough to raise all of your children. I'm sure Jason will find love again -- but not right away. It will take a long time and that woman, as great as she may be, will never be you. She will never be the mother of his children, she will never be a mother to your children. But she will be wonderful in her own way. I'm sorry that we are losing you but know that we -- the collective we -- will do our best to love the people you leave behind. Thank you for living and loving and writing. We'll do our best to cover for you while you're away.
2
A must read, for us all:
"Cry, Heart, But Never Break"
by Glenn Ringtved
"Cry, Heart, But Never Break"
by Glenn Ringtved
Dear Amy
Life has ups and downs.I hope that everything goes well for you family.
Life has ups and downs.I hope that everything goes well for you family.
Chère Amy,
As my heart reads you, it weeps, deeply. Your veiled agony - delivered by the friendships of heroic playfulness, hope, and creative wit - is, nonetheless, inextricably empathetic to a unforgiving loss. Your faith moves me, inspires me, and has me believe in Love's continuance. Your "démarche", in this most somber of circumstances, is an act of Faith, of Altruistic Love - a prayer of Redemption.
I lost, most suddenly, the most influential person I have encountered in my life to this day - my husband, Éric, who remains the breath I breathe upon each new dawn. He is my Ikigai - awakening me to Desire, to Love, and to Life, so as to pay it forward.
In the horrific aftermath, of such loss, lives the belief that the beauty of your union that began on earth - and emanates from your altruistic lives today - will be the living heritage of its breath, in continuance, "on earth as it is in heaven", becoming the most powerful testimony of your Love and Devotion, on this journey most mysterious which now serves you both as a life in metamorphoses. Your testimony of Grace, of Faith, of Hope, of Love roots itself deeply in the sinews of your Beloved's flesh, bound, not only by Love, but the belief in its Eternal.
Amy, Jason will miss like no other, but the FULLness of You - your Beauty, Goodness, altruistic Love, creative wit and Playful Spirit will be rooted deep within his living presence here on earth.
Tendrement,
Farrah
As my heart reads you, it weeps, deeply. Your veiled agony - delivered by the friendships of heroic playfulness, hope, and creative wit - is, nonetheless, inextricably empathetic to a unforgiving loss. Your faith moves me, inspires me, and has me believe in Love's continuance. Your "démarche", in this most somber of circumstances, is an act of Faith, of Altruistic Love - a prayer of Redemption.
I lost, most suddenly, the most influential person I have encountered in my life to this day - my husband, Éric, who remains the breath I breathe upon each new dawn. He is my Ikigai - awakening me to Desire, to Love, and to Life, so as to pay it forward.
In the horrific aftermath, of such loss, lives the belief that the beauty of your union that began on earth - and emanates from your altruistic lives today - will be the living heritage of its breath, in continuance, "on earth as it is in heaven", becoming the most powerful testimony of your Love and Devotion, on this journey most mysterious which now serves you both as a life in metamorphoses. Your testimony of Grace, of Faith, of Hope, of Love roots itself deeply in the sinews of your Beloved's flesh, bound, not only by Love, but the belief in its Eternal.
Amy, Jason will miss like no other, but the FULLness of You - your Beauty, Goodness, altruistic Love, creative wit and Playful Spirit will be rooted deep within his living presence here on earth.
Tendrement,
Farrah
5
Amy, what a beautiful tribute and love letter to Jason! I do hope you are able to beat the odds and spend at least another 26 years together, but if that doesn't happen, knowing he has your blessing to find love and happiness again with someone else when and if he's ready is a selfless gift without measure.
My best friend from college died a few years ago, leaving strict instructions for her equally wonderful husband that he was to go find a new love - and lo and behold, a couple of years later, he did. His now 2nd wife was embraced by my friend's family as another sister.
My best friend from college died a few years ago, leaving strict instructions for her equally wonderful husband that he was to go find a new love - and lo and behold, a couple of years later, he did. His now 2nd wife was embraced by my friend's family as another sister.
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Thank you. Nothing more need be said.
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Full appreciation of her man and their marriage. He will never ever doubt it and the letter will always be there. Hard act to follow though but the new lady in his life will have it all written out.
Amy, is a wonderful love story. You are a very sweet woman. Im can´t stop thinking in you...hugs from Spain. I´ll pray for you!!
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My heart goes out to your husband. I doubt he'll feel the need for romantic company for any amount of time. As Madeleine Le'engle put it in her preface to C.S. Lewis's work on grief, "the loss of a beloved is an amputation." I suppose that's true iif you could be amputated from the inside out.
Still, this is an incredible love letter to him, as I'm sure it was intended.
Here's a bit of how it feels from the survivor's viewpoint (at least as I wrote it):
http://the-spleen.com/2012/life/preface-a-meager-harvest/
I wish you well in your journey to whatever exists in the afterlife, Ms. Krouse-Rosenthal, and I wish Jason Brian Rosenthal peace and calm, which he'll feel is difficult find for a while.
But I hope that when the time comes, he allows himself to laugh and to enjoy things in life, even while he misses you. This is the hardest thing to learn to do.
And congratulations to both of you on finding yourself such a love. I hope it goes with both of you as you go on.
Still, this is an incredible love letter to him, as I'm sure it was intended.
Here's a bit of how it feels from the survivor's viewpoint (at least as I wrote it):
http://the-spleen.com/2012/life/preface-a-meager-harvest/
I wish you well in your journey to whatever exists in the afterlife, Ms. Krouse-Rosenthal, and I wish Jason Brian Rosenthal peace and calm, which he'll feel is difficult find for a while.
But I hope that when the time comes, he allows himself to laugh and to enjoy things in life, even while he misses you. This is the hardest thing to learn to do.
And congratulations to both of you on finding yourself such a love. I hope it goes with both of you as you go on.
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Oh, but for an afterlife. So that our energy, our ideas, our loves last on beyond the time allotted to our bodies.
Maybe if a thousand people hear of your love, they will carry forward that flame. Or if your words touched a million, maybe that flame could burn bright for years and years onwards. But I suspect that your love just needs one keeper to make it last beyond the time your body gives. And from the words you wrote, I think your love will certainly live on.
Maybe if a thousand people hear of your love, they will carry forward that flame. Or if your words touched a million, maybe that flame could burn bright for years and years onwards. But I suspect that your love just needs one keeper to make it last beyond the time your body gives. And from the words you wrote, I think your love will certainly live on.
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What a beautiful love letter to your husband.
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WHY is she trying to push another marriage so soon on him! Could easily make a bad choice in his emotional state after her death. He needs time to grieve for her and adjust to his new stage of life. And having married so young, maybe he just needs time to himself. Give him time!
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Don't think of it as a personal ad. Think of it as an open love letter.
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Oh my god Allison47 Talking about missing the point by a mile..
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It's a love letter, not an application for a new wife.
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I don't know what to say. Thank you. Amy, for such a beautiful, touching gift. I am grateful for the existence of such loving people as Jason and you.
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Amy,
I am married to a "Jason". So many things he does is oddly familiar to your husband. In this busy world of dual careers and raising kids and being overly accessible due to technology THANK YOU for your wake up call. I've forgotten to pinch myself recently that this fairytale actually came true for me. Sending faith and trust that there are many more anniversaries for you two.
I am married to a "Jason". So many things he does is oddly familiar to your husband. In this busy world of dual careers and raising kids and being overly accessible due to technology THANK YOU for your wake up call. I've forgotten to pinch myself recently that this fairytale actually came true for me. Sending faith and trust that there are many more anniversaries for you two.
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My wife of 30 years faced a similar prospect. She would size up the Hospice nurses for my benefit... One of her great concerns was my well being.
4 years latter I"m happily married. Her wishes were fulfilled.
My best wishes for Amy on her journey. I suspect her Husband will find another partner and honor her memory.
4 years latter I"m happily married. Her wishes were fulfilled.
My best wishes for Amy on her journey. I suspect her Husband will find another partner and honor her memory.
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This may be my favorite Modern Love column ever. Amy Krouse Rosenthal knows what love is, and so does Jason. It's precious, even if not as long as we want.
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Amy, not sure of your current status but let me say this. First it has taken me a long time to write and say exactly what I want to say. I am 57, my wife died when we were 40. She was pregnant with our youngest child and 3 months after delivery, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She died approximately 13 months later. One is never prepared but on hindsight, I would have done the following. Your husband sounds wonderful and I can only hope my wife thought the same....I believe she did. My deepest regret is not taking those remaining 13 months and doing something special just with her. Of course there were kids including a newborn, but all the promises and hopes from some very compassionate people prevented me from doing something unique and wonderful solely with her. Yes, the doctors, nurses, administrators, etc. are looking and hoping for the cure but take your husband and do something that the two of you always wanted to do. It can be corny, adventurous, rugged, simple, exotic, expensive, whatever....but do it. I don't have the word but I have the phrase.....My Friend. God Bless you and I can only imagine the thoughts going through your mind as you wrote this. You are a wonderful person and I wish your family all the best.
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Perfect. Such a sweet gift / tribute to your family.
Today your book, "I Wish You More" arrived in the mail, it is to be a gift for my 4-year old grandson. It will always be read with a nod and a smile. Godspeed Amy.
Today your book, "I Wish You More" arrived in the mail, it is to be a gift for my 4-year old grandson. It will always be read with a nod and a smile. Godspeed Amy.
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This, to me, is the ultimate in loving someone: to wish them a way toward being happy when you are gone. But he still has to go through the stages of grief: shock, disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, hope. Some of those he has already done as your diagnosis came down, but he has at least the guilt, anger, depression and hope stages ahead of him. Writing what you have, you've given your dearest love permission to move ahead into the future without you. That is what I think you hope to achieve, but anyone you want him to be with will have to give him time to finish the grieving process. I hope you told him these thoughts face-to-face. It seems like the two of you definitely have at least should that much honesty left between you. Bless you on your journey to the afterlife.
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I'm was very touched with your article. What a wonderful gift you are giving your husband! But I'm not referring to the pimping, but the peace of mind and closure you are providing. As a widow I can tell you that knowing that he did make you happy and most of all made you feel loved, will give him peace and strength to keep going forward the day that you're not longer here. I hope he eventually finds someone, but I hope he'll be able to be as happy with the second best. Sending you and your family hugs and strength
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Amy, you are a truly amazing woman who stands beside an amazing man. Giving him total permission to live again and love again is a blessing he may not truly understand and accept right now, but he will cherish it and you once his grief lifts him. Not many women have the courage to give such a blessing to their husband... you are a rare woman indeed.
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Your special love will live forever...wishing you peace <3
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Amy...Oh my goodness, youve described a relstionship that happens so infrewuently that once realized you hope only good things to come to this couple. Thx for sharing such a wonderful lovestory. My son's father was unique that way. The child we were never supposed to have is so much like his father. The older he has gotten they are almost like twins. Wishing Jason good will, peace, and the ability to hold onto such wonderful memories. Thank you Amy for sharing and reminding me of the serenity two people can share a lifetime.
Amy: Your childrens' books have been such an important part of our family, especially Little Pea. After reading your beautiful essay, I now know who that loving dad is that flings little pea from the spoon every night ("again! again!"). I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through but filled with joy and happiness that the kind of love you've experienced and been able to pass on to others is still something that exists in the world. Thank you for creating and sharing your spirit with all of us.
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Jason is a very lucky man. God bless.
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Amy, Amy, Amy -- I will love you forever and for every good thing, word, and hug, I have had from you, and so much more. These wonderful tributes and expressions make it clear the world loves you. I love you, too. With so many loving, heart felt comments from the universe, you know those known to you and unknown have you in their collective hearts. Me, too. I will miss you forever and will be left with so much I have learned from you. Love always, Ellie
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