I liked this. It IS hard not to pass rudeness on or to believe it was only done hurting or attack. I never thought of pausing and using the moment to change me instead Like handing back healing. Looked you up, saw you are a doctor the person above Lambe Seattle. . And one who thinks about Buddha? Lotta good stuff here and I like it when a doctor tries to lecture himself first. Thanks for the quote too, I will look inside me too. Thanks again. Kindness is sure soothing. I don't expect it from a doc so my mind did need changing! Inside my head, that rudeness went away,
Rude patients who may be wrong in their accusations and actions resulting in their not getting their way with the doctor who treats them can and will often report the treating physician to the State Medical Examining Board and either exaggerate or actually lie to the Board in attempting to get the doctor punished.
Even when totally innocent (of course not always) we have to appear before that Board and explain our side and often bring staff to ascertain to our lack of culpability and innocence.
Rude, guilty patients answer to no one !
Even when totally innocent (of course not always) we have to appear before that Board and explain our side and often bring staff to ascertain to our lack of culpability and innocence.
Rude, guilty patients answer to no one !
It would be good, then, for Dr. Klass to offer parents and spouses a way to approach medical staff without being rude when they feel something necessary is not being provided. I can think of two times I was ultimately rude to medical staff: once, when my son had a terrible asthma attack and the ER sent in a doctor who did not speak English and who, while my son's chest heaved and he struggled for air, wanted to discuss what medications he had taken so far -- by looking up every word I said in a Russian-English dictionary! That time, my rudeness got me a different doctor. The second time was when the same son had been diagnosed with acute appendicitis at midnight at a small hospital, and the staff decided not to 'disturb' the surgeon on call until morning. That time, my rudeness brought only rudeness in return, the surgery was done at 9 AM, before which time my son's appendix burst. He spent an unnecessary week in the hospital, but recovered well.
I should mention that I did not start out being rude either time, but escalated under the pressure when my more polite protests were (also politely) ignored.
I should mention that I did not start out being rude either time, but escalated under the pressure when my more polite protests were (also politely) ignored.
3
As a physician, I cannot condone rude behavior on the part of physicians, nurses etc. Patients (as well as physicians) are people and react to stress situations differently. I would mention (to a patient or anyone else) that rudeness is understandable, but not acceptable.
Physicians and medical staff are under many pressures, but this doesn't condone rudeness.
Physicians and medical staff are under many pressures, but this doesn't condone rudeness.
We are told that we need to monitor and advocate for our loved ones' care, and that doctors and nurses provide better care when they know a loved one is "watching." Now I find out that I'd better be tiptoeing when I look over the provider's shoulder lest he or she take umbrage and all of my efforts backfire.
Whew! Trying to get good care from these people is exhausting! Fortunately, after spending the night on a hard cot being awoken every hour by a beeping machine or a nurse doing something to my very sick child, I am well-rested, worry-free and ready for the challenge!
Whew! Trying to get good care from these people is exhausting! Fortunately, after spending the night on a hard cot being awoken every hour by a beeping machine or a nurse doing something to my very sick child, I am well-rested, worry-free and ready for the challenge!
2
I was discharged from the just hospital yesterday, so I have some recent experience dealing with medical personnel. While hospitalized, I tried very hard to be friendly and nice to all the nurses and aides that came into my room. I thanked them when they brought my medication, refilled my water pitcher or helped me to the restroom. I tried to be patient if I needed something in the morning, when nurses are particularly busy administering medicines and aides are helping patients, or during shift changes when nurses are reviewing patients with incoming staff. In return, the staff that helped me was professional, friendly and kind. Even if you don't feel well it's still possible to be nice, and I think you really do get better service. It doesn't take a lot of effort to smile and say, "thanks."
3
"It's easy to be nice to nice people." I'm a nurse, and that's what I always say when my patients thank me for being so kind and attentive. It's a challenge to be kind and attentive to rude people, and it's part of the job.
6
any studies on how rude medical professional and staff affect worried patients?
12
I'm not a doctor, but I work in the food industry, and the logic here does apply. I'm just going to say this: be nice to your server. I ignore customers who are rude, don't go out of my way to get anything to them on time, don't ask the kitchen to do anything specially for them. In fact, I do as terrible a job as possible because I hope I never see you again. Yelp about it.
3
My experience in hospitals is that the doctors tend to be the rudest, not the patients. Most of the nurses are saints!
4
Excellent article with a regrettably inaccurate title; the point is that demeaning speech affects people's ability to function at their normal, let alone optimal level. I urge you to re-title it so that more people will read it.
5
This was an Israeli study, and Israelis culturally are known for their rudeness.
1
They prefer to think of it as being direct, but in most of the world it counts as rude. I would hate to see what counts as being rude in Israel.
3
Hello! this article applies to ALL people in all situations. It applies to Family members, policemen on the beat, grocery clerks and their bosses and to two-year-olds learning to read. Reinforcing the negative creates doubt and hesitancy; reinforcing the positive creates confidence and sureness of purpose.
Hey, there's no mystery here!
I think the millions spent of research about human behavior is just to reconfirm common sense.
Hey, there's no mystery here!
I think the millions spent of research about human behavior is just to reconfirm common sense.
6
I work as an RN in an ICU and find this article very relevant to all areas of nursing. While it is always stressful having a loved one in the hospital, it is important to understand that those taking care of your loved one are educated and experienced practitioners whose sole purpose is to get them better or "do no harm." While I completing agree with being an advocate for your loved one and their care, it is a fine line between advocating and interfering. I'm not sure if some families understand the impact their ever present vigilance affects the care their loved one receives in as negative way. The inability to trust in the health care workers to do their jobs can have lead to less care for the patient. I found it so true in the article that when dealing with an abusive or hostile family, less brain power is used to care for the patient due to the distraction of weeding out abusive comments and intentions. Most healthcare workers understand the stress, worry, and powerlessness that is involved with hospitalization and try to be sympathetic to those feelings but verbal abuse and distrust is unwarranted and unnecessary regardless of any situation. It is important to treat all people with kindness and respect and you might find that that will get you a lot further.
6
Personally, I would never think of angering someone who is charged with saving your life or the life of a loved on. I understand how parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, and other significant others are terrified that their loved ones may die. They might say something that they may regret in the heat of the moment. And, I also know that doctors (and other medical personnel) are trained not to take these comments personally and to perform their duties to the best of their capabilities.
But it also doesn't hurt to apologize to the appropriate caregiver afterwards. I think the relationship between a patient and a caregiver is like a long journey There will be occasional missteps, but with a little effort, the journey will continue unabated.
But it also doesn't hurt to apologize to the appropriate caregiver afterwards. I think the relationship between a patient and a caregiver is like a long journey There will be occasional missteps, but with a little effort, the journey will continue unabated.
4
More sap from Dr. Klass. I am a retired Pediatrician. I served 8 months in the NICU from 1971-1974 at 3 highly rated hospital. 4 of those months I was the supervising resident.
I find it ironic tha an article about rudeness is based on a study from Israel. I am Jewish and have been to Israel plus a member of my family worked at a Jewish Day School for 20 years. Particularly when I was in Israel in 1964 the Israelis were incredibly rude especially to the" rich, spoiled American Jews."
Back to the NICU.
Dr. Klass: There is no whining in the NICU. You have aick patients who need care and parents who need support. I once had blood drawn at 3AM while I was on call. My best friend "missed" and had to do it again. I said" Ouch! and then a popular expletive or 2. There was a father in the NICU who I had spoken to several times. His child was doing well and he came to see the child after his shift ended at 1 AM. He walked over to me, smiled, and said "It doesn't hurt! You are a doctor! I said, with a big smile: Thanks a lot! My friend and both nurses just started laughing. For the next 3 weeks the most popular phrase in the NICU was "It ---- ---. You are a doctor."
Dr. Klass: I have read your saccharine writing since your beginning as a wunderkind resident. I have never been quite sure where you are coming from. Parents in the NICU are under tremendous stress. Old fashioned rudeness is acceptable. Racism, and religious,gender bigotry are not.
Get tough! on yourself.
I find it ironic tha an article about rudeness is based on a study from Israel. I am Jewish and have been to Israel plus a member of my family worked at a Jewish Day School for 20 years. Particularly when I was in Israel in 1964 the Israelis were incredibly rude especially to the" rich, spoiled American Jews."
Back to the NICU.
Dr. Klass: There is no whining in the NICU. You have aick patients who need care and parents who need support. I once had blood drawn at 3AM while I was on call. My best friend "missed" and had to do it again. I said" Ouch! and then a popular expletive or 2. There was a father in the NICU who I had spoken to several times. His child was doing well and he came to see the child after his shift ended at 1 AM. He walked over to me, smiled, and said "It doesn't hurt! You are a doctor! I said, with a big smile: Thanks a lot! My friend and both nurses just started laughing. For the next 3 weeks the most popular phrase in the NICU was "It ---- ---. You are a doctor."
Dr. Klass: I have read your saccharine writing since your beginning as a wunderkind resident. I have never been quite sure where you are coming from. Parents in the NICU are under tremendous stress. Old fashioned rudeness is acceptable. Racism, and religious,gender bigotry are not.
Get tough! on yourself.
4
Ah yes, the John Wayne school of medicine! Abuse and exhausting work while being criticized forms a sensitive, caring healer -- or not? Got exposed to this attitude all through my medical training, and in practice now I still run into oafs who feel that being rude serves their need to verify that they are dominant. From either patient, family or medical personnel, it's just a form or arrogance. This study and Dr. Klass' commentary is right on target.
5
adara614 . . . Your comments are at the heart of the very rudeness and ts inevitable effect that Dr. Klass wanted the rest of us to think about. You, adara 614, are the reason the human race never seems to get around to being universally kind, loving, understanding qnd generous.
Dr Klass reported the results of rudeness, as compared to the rudeness-free control group. Ultimate conclusions were left to us, the Readers. Your smug, gratuitous and snide rudeness has upset me.
You're normal, a human being, at time kind but at others mean and petty by choice and circumstance! At every moment in life we are presented with which to be. .
Dr Klass reported the results of rudeness, as compared to the rudeness-free control group. Ultimate conclusions were left to us, the Readers. Your smug, gratuitous and snide rudeness has upset me.
You're normal, a human being, at time kind but at others mean and petty by choice and circumstance! At every moment in life we are presented with which to be. .
2
Yes and no. I have had to advocate for my parents who did not speak English well enough, I always had great interaction with medical staff. However, if anyone started the rudeness, it was invariably from the physicians. I remember one particular incident with a Neurologist barging into my father's hospital room demanding to know who will pay for his consult. We had insurance. But my reaction had nurses coming later to thank me, another attending physician asked me to write to the board.
The final year of my father's life brought me to a daily interaction with medical staff. Most are amazing, stellar people - the rudeness in our experience started and ended with physicians.
The final year of my father's life brought me to a daily interaction with medical staff. Most are amazing, stellar people - the rudeness in our experience started and ended with physicians.
9
It goes both ways. My Grandson was in NICU and it is hard to feel no control and completely helpless and still know that I still needed to do something. It was not uncommon to feel that nurses wanted the parents and grandparents to just go home so they could do their jobs. I feel for both sides. I somehow managed to find a calm that allowed me to walk away for a few minutes and think when things were really hard. No excuses for anyone. These specialists need to be able to do their jobs. God Bless everyone dedicated to care for the suffering. Thank You!
11
Wondering if this isn't true for the vast majority of caring professionals who also may be subject to rude interactions?
4
That includes policemen, theater ticket sellers, our seatmate on the commuter train and our mothers, fathers and children. Rudeness subtracts from life.
1
It certainly includes teachers. How parents can think that being rude or aggressive to their child's teacher is likely to create a more constructive atmosphere is beyond me. I consciously tell myself that the parent's rudeness is not the child's fault but my instinctive reaction is to avoid interactions with the student and to have a less positive attitude to him or her.
1
Nice Nasty is still Nasty!
3
Rudeness affects everyone. All the time.
18
Hey--never mess with your hair dresser or your care giver--bad things can happen!!
6
Great. So in addition to worrying about the patient, a patient's family needs to also worry about accidentally offending the hospital staff. No one is at their best when they are stressed out, so it seems even normally kind people might accidentally let an incivility slip out when a loved one is in the hospital. I hope something can be found that will ameliorate the negative effects.
6
“I knew we should have gone to a better hospital where they don’t practice Third World medicine.”
This is something you might accidentally say?
This is something you might accidentally say?
14
In my years nursing, there were encounters with rude patients and families. They are stressed and feeling out of control, one can understand that. But there are ways to speak to people that convey the same message without being rude. Families, patients,& staff who articulate their concerns and needs in a thoughtful way get farther and get better care. It's a joy & an honor to provide care to kind,thoughtful people. Otherwise one dreads going into the room! Isn't this the way it is in all avenues of life? In sum, we all need to be kinder to each other.
6
I don't think they are referring to a general stressed out comment to the medical staff. We are used to that and can handle it and hopefully help ease those stresses and fears. However, most people have absolutely no idea the daily abuse nurses receive both verbal and physical. I think we are talking about basic respect and kindness not occasional stressful moments and comments.
5
This is a valuable article. I am a neonatal nurse working in the UK. I've noticed this many times. You can be working flat out, doing your very best, and then somebody says something critical. It doesn't matter how much you understand that they're under stress, it's still hurtful and it takes a bit of the spring out of your step. People sometimes think they will get a better service if they complain. Sometimes it's true, I suppose, but often it has the reverse effect, because it takes some of the joy out of the job, and if you're already doing your best you literally cannot do more. This is a lesson managers need to learn, too. You get the best out of people by treating them with courtesy - it's a fact of life.
30
After my baby was born, she spend the first 3 1/2 weeks of her life in the NICU. I went out of my way to be polite and appreciative of the efforts of the doctors and nurses. I didn't want anything I said or did to in any way compromise my baby's care. The only time I almost lost it was when the nurse picked up my baby from the incubator to hand to my husband and carelessly ripped the feeding tube out from the inside of her nose... fortunately we only had that nurse for just the one day or I would have asked for her not to be assigned to my child again.
2
After more than three decades working in and managing NICUs here in the U.S. I can personally attest to the negative effect rude parents may have on staff morale and subsequent performance, but honestly in today's American hospitals the most stressful interactions are between staff and hospital management. The cost cutting fervor of the ever increasing number of "managers" leads to a tendency not simply to rude encounters but also to a condition where clear communication, especially two-way communication, is dispensed with as doctors and nurses are viewed more and more as computer based medical clerks and the need for them to provide care in a highly stressful and emotionally charged environment is neither recognized nor respected. This institutional rudeness has an effect that nearly drowns out the effect of the occasional rude parent.
37
It is not difficult to be polite. Witnessing someone who indulges them self with rude behavior towards others, pains me greatly. Entitlement, arrogance, a lack of character, is a deal breaker. Any person of service becomes deflated and instant karma your fruition.
6
We have lived here for 6 years and have had our share of hospitals; the excellent ones with top-notch doctors who, by the way, did fellowships in North America and Europe, and some not so excellent ones.
Our latest experience in one of the local community hospitals was terrible, so bad I wrote a letter to the head of pediatrics.
We chose a community hospital for the ER which was closer than the better choice, not realizing that our child was sick enough to be admitted.
Bottom line is that the quality of care was crappy and the responsiveness of the doctors was horrible. And, that was when I had a sweet smile on my face, and kind, patronizing words.
We all understand how overworked and stressed the doctors and nurses are, how do doctors and nurses get away with ignoring us and not giving us time and complete information. Is it because they went through so much school and have built-up overconfidence?
They finally allowed me to look at our child's charts when I told them I was a nurse in another hospital- I also received more respect and responsiveness.
No one should be treated with a lack of kindness and insulted. I don't like it in my job and no one likes it in theirs.
But, when someone beloved is in the hospital, it's a lot to expect a caring family member not to get frustrated with lack of communication.
Our latest experience in one of the local community hospitals was terrible, so bad I wrote a letter to the head of pediatrics.
We chose a community hospital for the ER which was closer than the better choice, not realizing that our child was sick enough to be admitted.
Bottom line is that the quality of care was crappy and the responsiveness of the doctors was horrible. And, that was when I had a sweet smile on my face, and kind, patronizing words.
We all understand how overworked and stressed the doctors and nurses are, how do doctors and nurses get away with ignoring us and not giving us time and complete information. Is it because they went through so much school and have built-up overconfidence?
They finally allowed me to look at our child's charts when I told them I was a nurse in another hospital- I also received more respect and responsiveness.
No one should be treated with a lack of kindness and insulted. I don't like it in my job and no one likes it in theirs.
But, when someone beloved is in the hospital, it's a lot to expect a caring family member not to get frustrated with lack of communication.
11
Once when my father was in the hospital I visited him in the ambulatory patients' lounge. Another patient, obviously mistaking me for a nurse, rudely ordered me to get him some milk from the refrigerator. I did, without saying anything, but I got him the wrong kind. He then berated me for getting him the wrong thing. It was a real eye opener for me to see the way some patients treat (female) health professionals.
28
Yup. Happens all the time. You would not believe how some people treat nurses.
20
What about the systemic rudeness of hospital staff? Is that to simply be expected? The article assumes that the staff is constantly courteous and efficient which is often the exception not the rule. The family is often dismissed or unable to get answers. More often than not the rudeness comes from the parent feeling he or she is not being heard. Often hospitals are understaffed and overwhelmed. Under the circumstances especially in the case of children's hospitals might it not be worth investing in someone who might speak directly to the parents to address their concerns and perhaps their attitude might change.
12
There is never an excuse for rudeness, and, as SMM commented above, common sense, people, common sense. Rudeness will not get you better medical care or incline the medical staff to go the extra mile for you.
That being said, in my many stays with my mother in the hospital, I have seen it go both ways: rude family members, rude doctors, rude nurses, and rude aides. The incidence of rude staff is far higher, although when family members are rude, they are often appallingly so.
That being said, in my many stays with my mother in the hospital, I have seen it go both ways: rude family members, rude doctors, rude nurses, and rude aides. The incidence of rude staff is far higher, although when family members are rude, they are often appallingly so.
9
But here's the thing. The patients and their family members are vulnerable and scared and not at their best. The patients hope to get consistently good care, to have their medical needs taken care of, and to go home healthier than when they walked in or were pushed or carried in. Their worried family members hope the same for the patients. Unfortunately, not all medical people are good at their jobs, or dedicated, or thorough, or consider their jobs a "calling" and not just a paycheck, and not all hospital settings are created equal.
Because of the worry, the vulnerability and the stress of being in a hospital, patients and their family members should be cut some slack and shouldn't be expected to tip-toe around the tender feelings of the staff in order to get the staff member to do their job and provide medical care. If a patient or a family member asks a question that is considered rude, or catches a medical error before it happens, and points it out, the odds are very good that the staff member will not die of the patient's alleged rudeness. But if the family member or the patient's alleged rudeness results in neglect and a spiteful lowering of quality of care for the patient because the staff member's tender feelings were hurt, the patient could conceivably die. That's an abuse of power on the part of the staff member, and that's just wrong.
Because of the worry, the vulnerability and the stress of being in a hospital, patients and their family members should be cut some slack and shouldn't be expected to tip-toe around the tender feelings of the staff in order to get the staff member to do their job and provide medical care. If a patient or a family member asks a question that is considered rude, or catches a medical error before it happens, and points it out, the odds are very good that the staff member will not die of the patient's alleged rudeness. But if the family member or the patient's alleged rudeness results in neglect and a spiteful lowering of quality of care for the patient because the staff member's tender feelings were hurt, the patient could conceivably die. That's an abuse of power on the part of the staff member, and that's just wrong.
4
This is a predictable human response. Unfortunately, unpleasantness is part of medicine. First, people are sick and anxious about their (or their loved one's) health. Second, many patients are anxious about medical costs. Third, hospitals reduce and squeeze staff (particularly nurses and skilled techs) with predictable results.
True, no matter how good everything is, there will be rude patients and staff. But we are doing everything to raise the likelihood of rudeness.
Our national discourse isn't helping either.
True, no matter how good everything is, there will be rude patients and staff. But we are doing everything to raise the likelihood of rudeness.
Our national discourse isn't helping either.
17
This, I believe, extends everywhere. We live up or down to suggestion. I noticed my students would respond well to my observations of what they were doing well: You're a poet! A writer! A thinker! Honest praise that usually expanded rather than reduced a skill. Imagine what the inverse does: below grade level, at risk, impaired. These titles are damaging. Meanwhile I was expected to perform miracles while working in "failed" schools apparently for my own, selfish lazy desires.
Lesson: be nice. It works better
Lesson: be nice. It works better
17
Very valuable article. Affective feelings are indeed connected to cognitive learning, skill development and cognitive performance. An abusive tone set through rude, condescending people results in lower quality service from every profession for all of us.
13
I was fortunate for working in a University hospital that did not tolerate uncivil behavior between MDs and RNs in the OR. If an MD said or did something inappropriate, usually in a stressful moment, it was reported and acted upon. As an MD, I could never have given my patients the best care without the aid of good supporting RNs. If personality clashes occurred, the parties were sat down and asked to hash it out.
Because of this environment, it was jarring to have incredibly rude patients that berated you before you could even introduce yourself. Yes, we get it. You're stressed and about to undergo surgery, but berating and demeaning the people who are just about to take care of you really isn't a good idea. In non-emergent situations, I have called for a 5 minute time out, left the room, and asked the patient to get hold of themselves before we begin. I usually came back to a less abusive patient and an OR with a lower tension level. Sickness is no excuse for bad manners. Indeed, manners and civility are what holds our society together. Professionals did not spend years of training and hard work to be verbally abused.
Because of this environment, it was jarring to have incredibly rude patients that berated you before you could even introduce yourself. Yes, we get it. You're stressed and about to undergo surgery, but berating and demeaning the people who are just about to take care of you really isn't a good idea. In non-emergent situations, I have called for a 5 minute time out, left the room, and asked the patient to get hold of themselves before we begin. I usually came back to a less abusive patient and an OR with a lower tension level. Sickness is no excuse for bad manners. Indeed, manners and civility are what holds our society together. Professionals did not spend years of training and hard work to be verbally abused.
43
BiffNYC, nobody does, unless they're clinically masochistic.
2
I spent some years working in a NICU as a feeding and swallowing therapist. The article briefly alludes to the rudeness embedded in a medical culture that is inherently hierarchical and high stress. I witnessed rudeness between parents and staff, certainly, but just as often I witnessed (or personally experienced) rude comments and behaviors between staff members. I have to wonder how much working on increasing courteous interactions between staff members would improve care.
20
This is another example of common sense validated by a scientific study.
I've seen my own medical records describing me as a "pleasant woman." Even when ailing, I make the effort to be polite, figuring that the medical professionals dealing with my problems are people first and will react to rude treatment as I would myself. Common sense, folks, common sense.
I've seen my own medical records describing me as a "pleasant woman." Even when ailing, I make the effort to be polite, figuring that the medical professionals dealing with my problems are people first and will react to rude treatment as I would myself. Common sense, folks, common sense.
20
I find it annoying when I am written down as a pleasant woman. I am not rude, but I can stand up for myself and my wants for my own conditions. I find it difficult that Medical Professional want respect, but they consider themselves superior to the patient. I am frequently listed as an intelligent patient too. However, I am still expected to just do as I am told and have no explanation or understanding of why they make their recommendations. This is not personal to you. It is just a reply.
5
This is not really meant personally. We say "pleasant" a lot. "Interesting" usually means that your medical situation is complicated, or that you are a difficult patient. What I think is condescending is when a colleague says "delightful", however all of it is really an anachronism as is a lot of the wording we conventionally use in chart notes. I use "lovely" a lot myself and I guess that could be misunderstood, but I do mean it if I say it.
I am still trying to get over reading "Interesting girl" in my endocrinologist's note when I was in my early 20's (but I think he meant it literally, years later I studied with him and he was just passionate about medicine).
I am still trying to get over reading "Interesting girl" in my endocrinologist's note when I was in my early 20's (but I think he meant it literally, years later I studied with him and he was just passionate about medicine).
2
The drop in teamwork and efficacy seems to apply regardless of the source of the rudeness - and to any work environment I'd guess. Good article. Another reason to be courteous.
5
Even mild unpleasantness was enough to affect doctors’ and nurses’ medical skills, and in turn affecting individual performance, to the point where diagnostic skills, procedural skills were impaired and medical errors occurred??? Time to put your big girl/boy panties on docs!!
My question would be, are the parents actually being "rude," or are they just "advocating" for themselves and their child?
My question would be, are the parents actually being "rude," or are they just "advocating" for themselves and their child?
20
Cynthia, rude people have increased in society in last few years. Instead of asking these doctors and nurses who are trying to do the best, should we not be nicer to everyone around us.
11
Did you read the article carefully? The rudeness consisted of an overheard remark denigrating the medical teams' competence. There is a big difference between advocating and being rude. It is indeed hard to work with someone as a team if you heard they do not think you are competent, nor is that a very constructive or helpful tactic to take as a parent or patient. If you have specific concerns, it is better to bring these forward and discuss these in detail, rather than mutter to be overheard that the team all are stupid (which this article was about, and is not terribly uncommon). There is a big difference between questioning specific aspects of care, and how these could be improved, even angrily and/or forcefully, and completely dismissing the competency of the people providing it. I've been on both ends. The former is pretty normal, and reasonable medical staff will be able to provide answers as well reflect back and determine whether there are indeed things that they could have done better. If someone is mad, this is understandable, they are under stress with their illness and/or loved one. No one expects them to be at their best. The latter, however, can be devastating to the relationship. If someone has verbalized that they think you are incompetent and that they don't trust you, it is very hard not to take it personally and/or have it damage permanently the relationship between you, as it is based on trust.
15
When you are doing what you think is your best and are caught off guard, it is quite distracting. It is not a matter of growing up but a matter of training. And a matter of patients and medical staff "growing up" and considering their child rather themselves or of training.
I have inadvertently caused a chief to lose face in front of a resident and it quickly and badly spiraled down. I suspect the chief did not even consciously recognize what happened.
I have inadvertently caused a chief to lose face in front of a resident and it quickly and badly spiraled down. I suspect the chief did not even consciously recognize what happened.
2
Any customer service job ---any--when you deal with solving problems with people is the same rules . Your attitude can help or hinder your case. And so to of the service provider, whether you are a waiter or a doctor. Nothing new here,people.
15
The last shift I worked, a parent brought in their kid with a fractured extremity and one-by-one, bit the heads off of each staff member he interacted with. He snapped at the nurse for checking for a pulse. Snapped at the nurse who needed to take 30 seconds to get his name and birthdate for registration. Etc. He was from a prominent medical family in our community so his actions were interpreted as entitled and rude.
As a result, no one wanted to go near the patient or the parent and their care was worse for it. In the end, the patient got the minimal needed care to address his injury, but I regret that we couldn't provide our best care for them...
We really do want to provide good care, but there is a vital element of self preservation needed to stay in a job with such harsh working conditions. I know it's one of your worst days, but please know that if you are rude or aggressive, we will avoid you and your care will suffer.
As a result, no one wanted to go near the patient or the parent and their care was worse for it. In the end, the patient got the minimal needed care to address his injury, but I regret that we couldn't provide our best care for them...
We really do want to provide good care, but there is a vital element of self preservation needed to stay in a job with such harsh working conditions. I know it's one of your worst days, but please know that if you are rude or aggressive, we will avoid you and your care will suffer.
48
I'm sorry that's unacceptable. The job of a medical professional is to provide care to the patient. How would you feel if it were the converse and you got paid based on customer satisfaction of your attitude? Or even more your results. For every mistake made the patient received not only free medical care but part of your salary.
Your behavior towards this patient was appalling. It is a rare healthcare worker that does a great job. To provide less than optimal care to a CHILD because your feelings were hurt is unacceptable.
1
You may think it's unacceptable and you may think it was appalling but you reap what you sow. Do you believe a salary turns people into robots or slaves? One thing you can count on in this world is cause and effect. Evidently you are part the problem. We're not doormats until we lie down. No matter the job title, we are not selling our souls to serve you. Be what you expect: decent, kind, helpful, patient.
8
Oh yes I understand what rudeness among team members can lead to!
I had set up a medical clinic in a rural casino town in Nevada. First clinic ever. Before the residents (mostly casino workers) and tourists had to drive 125 miles to the closest doctor or hospital.
I was used to the fast pace of ICU and ER medicine and was the only professionally educated and licensed person there. There simply weren’t any RNs, techs etc so I hired non-professionals including two men who had lost their mining jobs--neither could read or write.
I was used to “being in charge” barking out orders in an emergency and expecting quick results. I never thought about the emotional component--a job needed to be done quickly.
One day our small clinic got a boy shot in the face and neck with a shotgun, a 56 year old man having a massive heart attack, and a Mexican worker in labor who had received no pre-natal care. As I worked hard amid the cacophony of Spanish, English cries and disorder, I asked the clerk “Did you get hold of Lifeflight from the trauma center 150 miles away?” She said “No, I...” Not allowing her to finish I rudely said “Well you’re useless!” She glared at me--picked up her purse and walked out.
I ran after her “I’m sorry! I’m so stupid! PLEASE come back!” She did but said she would never tolerate rudeness again.
Good for her! I changed from that day forward and put myself in THEIR shoes--patients, staff, and families. Patient care went so much better!
I had set up a medical clinic in a rural casino town in Nevada. First clinic ever. Before the residents (mostly casino workers) and tourists had to drive 125 miles to the closest doctor or hospital.
I was used to the fast pace of ICU and ER medicine and was the only professionally educated and licensed person there. There simply weren’t any RNs, techs etc so I hired non-professionals including two men who had lost their mining jobs--neither could read or write.
I was used to “being in charge” barking out orders in an emergency and expecting quick results. I never thought about the emotional component--a job needed to be done quickly.
One day our small clinic got a boy shot in the face and neck with a shotgun, a 56 year old man having a massive heart attack, and a Mexican worker in labor who had received no pre-natal care. As I worked hard amid the cacophony of Spanish, English cries and disorder, I asked the clerk “Did you get hold of Lifeflight from the trauma center 150 miles away?” She said “No, I...” Not allowing her to finish I rudely said “Well you’re useless!” She glared at me--picked up her purse and walked out.
I ran after her “I’m sorry! I’m so stupid! PLEASE come back!” She did but said she would never tolerate rudeness again.
Good for her! I changed from that day forward and put myself in THEIR shoes--patients, staff, and families. Patient care went so much better!
49
I worked as a patient advocate in a hospital for twenty years. Rampant rudeness in healthcare in recent years has lead to burnout and compromised care. The issue of rudeness is a two way street. Caregivers are trained to understand how illness and fear cause horrific stress, just like they are trained to provide patient care and empathic support. But if a caregiver acting inappropriately patients must know there are channels in a hospital for discussing this to work it out, or reporting it if necessary. Believe me, hospitals do not want unhappy patients or families and will work very, very hard for a win-win situation. However.......patients and families have responsibilities also! Getting "upset" is not the issue here: being hateful, aggressive and rude is. Family members are responsible for their behavior. They need to know that caregivers will try, with the help of managers, social workers, chaplains, attending physicians, and patient representatives, to work through what is causing the antagonism. However, if the offending party cannot alter their behavior they can be removed from the setting. That is the worst case scenario but sometimes painfully necessary.
No one, regardless of their job, can function appropriately when feeling insulted, debased, aggressor, etc.
No one, regardless of their job, can function appropriately when feeling insulted, debased, aggressor, etc.
26
Not a doctor or a nurse, but when I worked in a time-critical area advising clients (basically glorified call centre but if I made a mistake you could be in for a world of pain before it was fixed) and you had abusive or nasty people or people who had ignored problems until they became massive mountains and were in over their heads, they were the people who I made mistakes with or just got it completely wrong, or noticed another problem and didn't tell them about it because I just wanted them gone.
And yet the people who were nice even if they were in a bad situation (of their own making or not), them I made sure the problem was fixed and followed everything through. Heads up - be nice.
And yet the people who were nice even if they were in a bad situation (of their own making or not), them I made sure the problem was fixed and followed everything through. Heads up - be nice.
16
This seems very similar to the Pygmalion Effect, a classic study of how teacher expectations affect student academic performance. All of us are impacted by our environment. Maybe hospitals should factor this in when they consider staffing and supports for critical care units.
16
I work at a doctor's office and we get "rude" patients who make derogatory statements at the staff and assistants all the time. We're a very helpful and proactive staff, but patients who want more and more services resort to being nasty and mean to get what they want, believing they'll lose out otherwise. To those out there, being nasty to people WILL NOT get you anything more than what you demand. In fact, the moment you become nasty to those who are serving you, expect no surprises when our priority switches to getting you out the door ASAP, fulfilling the bare minimum care and seriously never hoping to see you again. A lot of the nastiness in our office also comes from our patients' inability to understand how our healthcare system works. They pay thousands of dollars to their health insurance company to receive care from doctors and nurses who only get a small and declining fraction from that same insurance company. And without understanding how the benefits work, the doctors face the brunt end of the stick when patients become frustrated, squeezing out all the resources from the doctors which equates to long hours of underpaid services. Short point is - being nasty and rude to people won't motivate them to want to help you, instead it will motivate them to remove you as a threat in their daily lives asap.
24
This makes perfect sense, and it would take a saint to not feel a bit hostile towards a parent or family, when they were being rude to me, and it also makes sense that such hostility might unconsciously give short-shrift to the patient caught in the middle.
At the same time, when you're a consumer paying tens of thousands of dollars for professionalism, it's infuriating when you encounter "it's not my job" phone-it-in "I'm on my break" DMV-mentality types, and realize that you could do their job better with your head in a bag. It's easy to say something stupid to a person like that in a critical care situation, and from that point on you're tagged as a "troublemaker," by the incompetent and competent staff alike.
Better to just accept the fact that the quality of care and degree of incompetence that might be acceptable anywhere else, depends on the facility you chose, and you'd better pray that you chose a good one.
At the same time, when you're a consumer paying tens of thousands of dollars for professionalism, it's infuriating when you encounter "it's not my job" phone-it-in "I'm on my break" DMV-mentality types, and realize that you could do their job better with your head in a bag. It's easy to say something stupid to a person like that in a critical care situation, and from that point on you're tagged as a "troublemaker," by the incompetent and competent staff alike.
Better to just accept the fact that the quality of care and degree of incompetence that might be acceptable anywhere else, depends on the facility you chose, and you'd better pray that you chose a good one.
7
You may be paying thousands, but not to that person to whom you are referring, as she likely makes little above minimum wage and has to deal with far more complexity than she is paid to do.
8
I have not told patients I could not help them because I was on my break - but I have gone without eating or drinking, sometimes while heavily pregnant, for more than twelve hours because I had the misfortune of encountering a patient with a need while attempting to take my break. It can be hard to understand this for people in fields in which a meal or bathroom break can simply be pushed back. There often is no good time, and nurses who don't find a way to set limits end up going without while we track down a fresher drink or second or third meal tray.
9
Before criticizing distraught parents -not having walked in their shoes nor being mind readers-physicians and other so-called professionals need to heal themselves of their overblown self-adulation and egos. Where is your empathy and compassion towards the probably grieving parents? And where is your professionalism which should balance your emotions against the intellectualism needed to treat these morsels of humanity who demand that you put their lives first and not your absence of healing arts or the obligation to help that parent to understand what is being done fro their.; this followed up with an inclusion of the parent in teaching them how to perform procedures used to sustain that child's life and in ensuring that they are kept in the loop of the conversations with and by the multidisciplinary staff who oversees the child's needs. There but for the mercy of your creator go you.
And if you loose your abilities because of some remark overheard or passed on like gossip from a fishmonger,you do not belong in medicine!
Singed: a mother who has been in healthcare and who has had the experience of having two children at different times in NICU, first in Canada at The Hospital for Sick Children, and secondly at a community hospital in the US. In Canada parents of critically ill and/or dying infants were treated with respect, dignity and were included in the healthcare team working 24/7 to save the child who had no odds to survive. In the US the atmosphere was opposite.
And if you loose your abilities because of some remark overheard or passed on like gossip from a fishmonger,you do not belong in medicine!
Singed: a mother who has been in healthcare and who has had the experience of having two children at different times in NICU, first in Canada at The Hospital for Sick Children, and secondly at a community hospital in the US. In Canada parents of critically ill and/or dying infants were treated with respect, dignity and were included in the healthcare team working 24/7 to save the child who had no odds to survive. In the US the atmosphere was opposite.
13
Yes, but why can't patients have compassion for their doctors who are also humans and are trying to help. Doctors commit suicide at rates much higher than the average population because people have limited compassion for doctors because they view doctors as money hungry egomaniacs.
20
There is no reason for family to be included the life-saving resuscitation procedures that doctors with 6 years of post med school training perform on a daily basis. This whole notion that patients are consumers is garbage and is why care suffers.
It is also one thing to advocate for your child, an entirely another to abuse medical staff. We go into medicine to help people, and work incredibly hard with tremendous personal sacrifice for that privilege. Sometimes you have to be the punching bag, but there's a line that some families cross.
Funnily enough, parents are usually much more respectful in the ICU setting because there's an acknowledgement that their child's critical illness is beyond all of this. It's not 100%, but I've found parents to be rudest in the emergency room, and most grateful in the ICU.
It is also one thing to advocate for your child, an entirely another to abuse medical staff. We go into medicine to help people, and work incredibly hard with tremendous personal sacrifice for that privilege. Sometimes you have to be the punching bag, but there's a line that some families cross.
Funnily enough, parents are usually much more respectful in the ICU setting because there's an acknowledgement that their child's critical illness is beyond all of this. It's not 100%, but I've found parents to be rudest in the emergency room, and most grateful in the ICU.
18
The article made a distinction between angry parents and those that were rude. Certainly we understand that what may be a routine day at work is a life altering day for patients and their families, taking their emotions into account in interactions. Yet, despite this, we are humans as well and as much as we might try to keep our emotions out of it, our intellectual and clinical skills can be impaired by an atmosphere of rudeness and negativity. It's been my experience in 28 years of nursing that the rudest are most often those that are not the sickest.
17
I am a pediatric nurse at a large, well-regarded teaching hospital. I recently came to the same conclusions as this article when we had a patient, an infant with a complex heart defect, whose mother and grandmother were verbally hostile to staff. They were consistently rude, berating several nurses and doctors, proclaiming often that none of us knew what we were doing. Not surprisingly, we did not want to spend much time at that baby's bedside. Did we neglect her? Of course not. She waa still treated professionally and adequately. But would she have recieved more attentive care and TLC if we weren't completely alienated by her family? Absolutely.
64
That's not true. At least not at a good hospital. I was so rude and obnoxious when my daughter was there and thy never once punished her.
3
The study is not about deliberate retaliation. It's about performance being inadvertently affected by being mistreated.
46
The article did not say that any child was punished, nor was there any intention on the part of medical staff to diminish their treatment. It simply said that rudeness AFFECTED the staff (with and without their awareness) and they made more errors in treatment.
12
Now, that you know that I hope you can change your behavior in future.
7
Gee whiz, if highly-respected doctors respond this badly to a mild disrespect by a lower-status person, I wonder what the effect must be for people in a group that is routinely discriminated against by just about all the powers-that-be, including the government, law enforcement, corporations, etc. etc. etc.?
61
Well said, SKV!
6
I've been on Medicaid and I've had insurance. I have to say that the care I received when I had insurance was better. It's not supposed to make a difference, but it does.
2
I disagree. Attitude is everything. How you want to be treated is just as important as how you treat others. You have to give off a positive vibe. Just because you have Medicaid, doesn't mean you're any less worthy of great healthcare. At least you have insurance, and aren't walking out with an astronomical medical bill that you know deep down inside you can't pay (as well as all the ramifications that come with nonpayment!)
From about two weeks before Christmas to the first week of February were the hardest 6 weeks of my 24 year medical career. Patients were sick, patients were entitled, and patients were downright MEAN. I took care of some of the meanest people I have ever dealt with. MEAN. I didn't go into medicine to be verbally abused and sometimes physically assaulted. I still love medicine and I always will, but it goes both ways. You came to me for help, I will do just about anything to help you. But it is not my job to fix your social problems you showed up with. I can give you resources, but you have to take some accountability too.
I have a tremendous amount of empathy for parents with sick children (I am a PA in a peds ED). Everyone is there to help, but lashing out at me or my colleagues, isn't going to help your child get better. We are taking care of a dozen or more other kids at the same time. Let's show some compassion towards each other, but I'm also going to tell you I've had enough of a negative attitude towards me. Being rude after time, does affect how people will treat you or your loved one back.
I have a tremendous amount of empathy for parents with sick children (I am a PA in a peds ED). Everyone is there to help, but lashing out at me or my colleagues, isn't going to help your child get better. We are taking care of a dozen or more other kids at the same time. Let's show some compassion towards each other, but I'm also going to tell you I've had enough of a negative attitude towards me. Being rude after time, does affect how people will treat you or your loved one back.
43
No surprise that rudeness can negatively affect behavior in every sphere. What does surprise is the easy attitude of retaliation that many medical workers feel free to express here
7
Why are you surprised? Should medical workers be any different than anyone else that deals with the public at their worst?
Obviously you don't work in direct patient care?
Obviously you don't work in direct patient care?
3
I'm a nurse in an ICU at a prestigious hospital in California and experience behavior a lot worse than what this article describes on at least a weekly basis. It is HARD. It is PAINFUL. I work as hard as I can and as quickly as I can to take the best, and most compassionate care of each patient regardless of who they are or what they did to get there (a lot of our patients were drunk or high drivers involved in accidents, or gang members involved in shootings, stabbings, or fights). It is impossible to be compassionate, empathetic, and provide the expected level of physical and emotional care to my patients without letting my guard down as a human being. I am often treated as a doormat, a piece of furniture, someone to be used and abused. In one instance a man yelled explitives at me for not immediately putting vaseline on his lips while I was actively cleaning up his bottom because he had stooled himself. Another instance a young man threw a bottle full of urine at me because his doctor wouldn't give him a prescription for a narcotic pain medication after breaking one toe. And in both instances I was expected to continue to provide empathetic, compassionate nursing care for the rest of my long shift-sometimes with my eyes still red from crying. I don't know how it can be expected that things like this NEVER effect the care provided. I try so damn hard, we all do. But we're human. Next time you or a loved one is in the hospital, remember that about your nurses and doctors.
161
As far as I'm concerned, nurses are as close to humans get to gods. Nurses are AMAZING. Every single time I've been with a parent in the hospital (usually long stretches) the nurses have been beyond wonderful. So, we do appreciate you!!!
3
Oh boy... I have walked in your shoes! You have brought up some old horrible memories.... but I always loved and was proud of being a nurse.
1
A patient in the ICU for breaking his toe?
1
Their is no excuse for incivility. You can think whatever you want about people, but you don't need to share it. How does it ever make things better when we are rude and insulting? Politeness is the foundation of civilization. You can always tell people that you don't like something in a way that is respectful. Nothing good comes from being hurtful to others.
33
This article is specifically about a study involving an "overheard" criticism, not a deliberately communicated one. Families in the midst of a crisis should not need to worry that reacting poorly (and, yes, rudely) in private conversations may endanger the life of their child.
When I was in labor, a lot of things got very scary very fast, and the stress was compounded by the fact that one of the nurses kept having difficulty doing things that felt like they should have been routine - she could not make the fetal monitor work, could not make it stay on me, etc. When I eventually needed oxygen, she put the mask on my face, and my husband noticed that it was just a mask and tube, unconnected to anything. He pointed it out and the nurse said, "Oh, right," and connected the tube to the oxygen.
My husband did not say anything to the nurse. But he did make a frustrated comment similar to the "should have chosen a hospital with a competent staff" comment mentioned here, in a private venting conversation to his mother. I was far less irritated by the nurse's mistakes than he was, perhaps because he felt very powerless just watching them happen, but I can understand why he reached the point of frustration that he did.
Medical emergencies are stressful situations and I have a lot of respect for the professionals who live them every day. But the families often feel scared and powerless in them in a way that staff do not, and I think some understanding is appropriate.
When I was in labor, a lot of things got very scary very fast, and the stress was compounded by the fact that one of the nurses kept having difficulty doing things that felt like they should have been routine - she could not make the fetal monitor work, could not make it stay on me, etc. When I eventually needed oxygen, she put the mask on my face, and my husband noticed that it was just a mask and tube, unconnected to anything. He pointed it out and the nurse said, "Oh, right," and connected the tube to the oxygen.
My husband did not say anything to the nurse. But he did make a frustrated comment similar to the "should have chosen a hospital with a competent staff" comment mentioned here, in a private venting conversation to his mother. I was far less irritated by the nurse's mistakes than he was, perhaps because he felt very powerless just watching them happen, but I can understand why he reached the point of frustration that he did.
Medical emergencies are stressful situations and I have a lot of respect for the professionals who live them every day. But the families often feel scared and powerless in them in a way that staff do not, and I think some understanding is appropriate.
16
Good point. As a nurse I did not work in the emergency or in Peds. But I sure noticed how corrosive the effect of put-downs were. And there is a difference between indicating that something is not being done right and giving an overall judgement of a person's conduct in their vicinity.
11
A physician who feels abused by a patient is more likely to carry that negativity to the nurses, residents, and medical students. Stress begets stress and the hierarchy of medicine creates a culture in which being stressed and abusing subordinates is normalized and quite tolerated. As a medical student, I see rude patients as much more the exception than the rule, and I doubt that we can blame bad attitudes and unprofessionalism among healthcare workers on patients, though rude patients can certainly make the situation worse. We should instead look at our whole healthcare system, recently revealed to be "complicated" and "unbelievably complex" by our insightful commander-in-chief. Most of us have been patients or are loved ones of patients, and have felt abused by clinicians or our insurers. Insurance companies or lack of insurance regularly prevent physicians from practicing the standard of care, leaving them stressed to find alternative treatments or diagnostics. No patient wants to believe they are receiving anything less than high quality care. Yet that level of care is out of reach for many Americans due to our national economic priorities and merit-based system. Physicians are between a rock and a hard place and sadly cannot offer the "best care" to every patient, especially if they choose to work in underserved communities. No wonder everyone is unhappy.
27
He's not "our" commander-in-chief. The president is only commander-in-chief of the armed forces. We citizens are supposed to be his commander.
14
I'm an experienced NICU nurse in a level III unit. We have parents in our open unit 24 hours a day often actively involved in their care - as they should be. Everyone in the NICU; parents, babies, nurses, providers, is under a great deal of stress. If someone is rude or angry I do not take it personally because I know it is usually related to the pressure cooker environment. But I would be lying if I said that it does not rattle me and make me nervous. Outside I appear unflappable because I am a professional. But I am shy by nature and it fills me with anxiety. I sincerely hope that it does not affect my care. I do know that I would never intentionally provide substandard care for a baby because of unappreciative parents and I am confident that none of my colleagues would either. We take our responsibility for those little lives very seriously.
101
This is exactly right. What we are working on is extremely complicated. I work in a lovely small hospital where literally everyone is prepared to provide the best possible care no matter how uncooperative the patient. However, interpersonal distractions are never helpful and I find myself compulsively checking my work whenever I have a difficult patient or family, because I don't want to make a "forced error".
2
They die. My father who was beginning to have dementia, became rude and hostile to a nurse. Sje warned my brother that if he kept it up, she wouldn t clear his lungs from the effects of pneumonia for which he was hospitalized. NOt a surprise, he was dead within a week.
5
I can't believe this comment allowed, which accuses a nurse of "warning" a family member that she'd let a patient die because he was rude. That's a pretty serious accusation.
8
Did you report this person? That's malpractice.
4
That nurse should have been reported to the hospital management. How appalling.
11
People love to dump on doctors. Well, You reap what you sow....
29
It is critical for the medical profession to get training to help them better address the underlying problems the parents of NICU patients are subconsciously addressing: Death of a child, ongoing medical needs for sick baby, exponentially rising debt with every day, exhaustion, hormone changes if it's a newborn, family concerns away from hospital, job uncertainty. In other words, what? Patient's families need to tiptoe around the egos of NICU staff? Just offering a different perspective and that medicine, the royal medicine, might take one.
9
I find this study hard to believe - has it been replicated anywhere with the same results ( a threshhold we should hold as a basic for any 'scientific' study)?. In hospitals, doctors and nurses hold all the cards, we the patients have no hand at all, as Seinfeld would say. I have found nurses routinely skirt their duties (no clean bathroom for three days, when I was out of it.., no food, no help to get to the bathroom) and doctors are just absent, even when their bill says otherwise. The one time I asked my surgeon to write a note instead of signing a form regarding return to work, it resulted in a shouting match, with the surgeon yelling, this is taking TOO MUCH TIME!! (time is money, of course, to this guy, and more important than anything else in the world, apparently..)
Rude? I don't think so, not when you are hurt and drugged, and in a weird place, where these other creature live and profit every day - all of the best jobs today are in health care.
Can someone answer the question as to whether this 'study' is replicable. has been replicated, anywhere? If not, it is dross.
Rude? I don't think so, not when you are hurt and drugged, and in a weird place, where these other creature live and profit every day - all of the best jobs today are in health care.
Can someone answer the question as to whether this 'study' is replicable. has been replicated, anywhere? If not, it is dross.
7
Hooooooold on. So a nurse is also expected - in addition to monitoring your health status, providing treatment, communicating with doctors and a multitude of other professionals - to clean your bathroom? Do you know how understaffed most hospitals are? That there is a huge nursing shortage in this country and those that do work often have unsafe patient ratios? It's hard to clean someone's bathroom or answer a call bell when you're coding a patient next door, running a stretcher down to CT scan, waiting for the nebulizer to finish, and oh yeah, trying to pee yourself once a shift. Instead of getting angry at your nurses, how about the hospital administration who won't hire more nursing assistants/food service employees/custodial employees? CMS for fighting over paying for patients' care so that hospital revenue goes down? I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I'm even sorrier that our healthcare system allows it to happen.
11
It is not the nurses' job to clean the bathroom.
17
Sometimes one wonders what people are thinking when they insult those caring for them.
I broke my nose in a fall a few years ago. The treatment was to insert packing in the nose and come back to have it removed in about a week. When I did so, there was another woman with the tell tale string from the packing in one of her nostrils. We were led into little rooms with curtains between. My nurse asked me if I wanted her to pull the string, or did I want to do it myself (I did). I heard the other nurse ask the same thing to the other woman, who rudely said that that was her job, and she wasn't here to do her work for her. It was pretty painful to remove, but I could take my own time. The woman in the next cubicle let out a blood curdling scream and a string of curses at the nurse.
If I was that nurse I would refuse to treat that patient again, except in an emergency.
I broke my nose in a fall a few years ago. The treatment was to insert packing in the nose and come back to have it removed in about a week. When I did so, there was another woman with the tell tale string from the packing in one of her nostrils. We were led into little rooms with curtains between. My nurse asked me if I wanted her to pull the string, or did I want to do it myself (I did). I heard the other nurse ask the same thing to the other woman, who rudely said that that was her job, and she wasn't here to do her work for her. It was pretty painful to remove, but I could take my own time. The woman in the next cubicle let out a blood curdling scream and a string of curses at the nurse.
If I was that nurse I would refuse to treat that patient again, except in an emergency.
31
I see rudeness as a challenge to be met with kindness. If a nurse refuses to do her job because she doesn't like how she was talked to she needs retraining. Helping professions should be just that and the people employed in them should not act in revenge mode.
The nurse could have taken 20 seconds to explain to the person why she was asking the question - that would have done a world of good.
The nurse could have taken 20 seconds to explain to the person why she was asking the question - that would have done a world of good.
8
Of course your attitude is the best one. I don't think in the case I mentioned this would have done any good. I was horrified to hear that woman calling the nurse a b**ch, and far worse. I felt so sorry for the nurse, and didn't think she should have to put up with this abuse from a person who was not deranged. I think she was afraid of being physically attacked. Health care workers should not be subject to this in non-emergency situations.
10
they just realized this?
8
I offer three fundamental truisms for health-care personnel dealing with patients and their families:
1. Rudeness is anger;
2. Anger is a manifestation of fear - fear that the well-being of the patient is endangered;
3. Addressing that fear directly is key to resolving the deleterious tension that develops between care providers and the patient/family when rudeness and anger are expressed.
1. Rudeness is anger;
2. Anger is a manifestation of fear - fear that the well-being of the patient is endangered;
3. Addressing that fear directly is key to resolving the deleterious tension that develops between care providers and the patient/family when rudeness and anger are expressed.
41
I wonder if this research can be extrapolated to other teams such as sports, military, airline flight crews, businesses, school, and on and on.
13
Forget about rigid hierarchical organization run from the top down. Criticism of nasty behavior is forbidden, a challenge to authority and power. But with nasty behavior to underlings come low morale, poor performance, contempt for senior staff. It pays to be nice to people.
10
My mom is an ICU nurse, and she has come home almost every night with a new story some good and some bad. She has admitted that when a patient or some visiting the patient is mean it gives her a bad attitude for the rest of the night. If a staff member is being rude tell them what they have done and politely ask them to stop. for example If myself or any of my siblings are in the hospital and any of the doctors are misbehaving to us or a coworker she will walk up to them, sit down with them, and tell them that is unacceptable, or to leave the room because no patient should see anything bad with a staff member in the hospital. The same goes with patients being rude to the staff If someone is working all night/day to make sure that you're safe and healthy you should have some respect for them.
17
When my Alzheimer's mom had a stroke, I had all of her medicine typed up and gave the ER a copy. Wouldn't you know it that they didn't give her the medicine she normally needs that night ( her aspirin and blood pressure medicine ) while in the ER even with the list I provided. They lost it and needed it again. When I had to wait for her to be seen in ER and many others went in front of her, their story was the same we didn't know. I told them the clear signs of a stroke, slur speech, eyes rolling back of her . A person can take only so much. Many health care professionals believe they are the experts? They aren't , many doctors feel they r God. They are luck we didn't sue but he hospital knew they were in the wrong.
24
Well, this study didn't say that the medical personnel treated the infants of rude parents worse than the other children. Just that all their skills with respect to all the patients were affected.
Perhaps part of the problem is that the criticism isn't dealt with. Nurses usually won't speak up when criticized. Physicians are usually better at it. It is probably a matter of perceived status. It might be interesting to see if guided interaction with the criticizing individual alleviates the negative effects of the criticism on the staff.
Perhaps part of the problem is that the criticism isn't dealt with. Nurses usually won't speak up when criticized. Physicians are usually better at it. It is probably a matter of perceived status. It might be interesting to see if guided interaction with the criticizing individual alleviates the negative effects of the criticism on the staff.
26
Excellent thought!
5
When my son was hospitalized for 2 weeks with a serious infection - all I did was say "thank you" over and over. I also told everyone I met that this was the worst thing that had ever happened to me and that I was scared. That way everyone (doctors, nurses, med students) were reminded that they needed to be nice to me as well. Being overly observant of all the good things being done for your child (nurse changing the bed sheets, orderly offering you lunch) not only helps you feel cared for, it also helps you recognize when you do get "bad" care. We had an overnight nurse who was so obviously rude compared to the other nurses we'd had, that I didn't feel bad when I reported her to the head nurse and asked for a new nurse. Turns out she was a "rental" from a staffing agency brought in to cover a shift last minute.
38
You know, that is there job!
1
This is perfect - advocate for your loved one! Be honest, be open, and be vocal when you have concerns. I wish all my patients were so lucky. Most doctors and nurses are great, but not all, never hesitate to refuse substandard care and try to remain polite (but firm) about it.
We need SBAR for parents and patients.
2
Interesting study. One does wonder whether it would be translatable to U.S., Canadian, or European settings; what is mildly rude in Haifa might be perceived as exceedingly rude here.
19
O for sure!
3
This makes perfect sense.
I used to work in customer service doing things that didn't typically have life or death repercussions. When my customers were rude and unpleasant it stressed me out and I often would make mistakes--- being the perfectionist I am I would go back and fix them- but this would take more time and was not efficient. It got to the point where I found the best way to have a happy outcome was to ask the customer for the problem- and then put them on hold for the rest of the call to fix the problem without having to listen to their voice and risk messing things up.
After years of being the object of malice and bad behavior I started suffering from anxiety attacks and I would literally just shut down. I tend to be a very mellow person that likes to help people and when I see someone in need or upset I feel likes its my personal obligation to help them- but its hard to do that when you're also a full time punching bag for whoever is having a bad day. I can't imagine how poor behaviors such as this would affect a doctor who is already in such a high stress job.
I used to work in customer service doing things that didn't typically have life or death repercussions. When my customers were rude and unpleasant it stressed me out and I often would make mistakes--- being the perfectionist I am I would go back and fix them- but this would take more time and was not efficient. It got to the point where I found the best way to have a happy outcome was to ask the customer for the problem- and then put them on hold for the rest of the call to fix the problem without having to listen to their voice and risk messing things up.
After years of being the object of malice and bad behavior I started suffering from anxiety attacks and I would literally just shut down. I tend to be a very mellow person that likes to help people and when I see someone in need or upset I feel likes its my personal obligation to help them- but its hard to do that when you're also a full time punching bag for whoever is having a bad day. I can't imagine how poor behaviors such as this would affect a doctor who is already in such a high stress job.
29
When I worked in an emergency department many years ago we routinely, it was policy, to exclude the parents from the room where a child or infant was being treated. They mostly understood. If they objected too much security was called and they were strongly encouraged to wait in the lobby. We told them outright that their presence might interfere with and have a negative impact on the treatment of their child. It was more strictly enforced during an emergency.
When did medical professionals start doing otherwise?
When did medical professionals start doing otherwise?
15
Good grief, this philosophy has changed. Where've you been? I've worked in a busy ED for the past 6 years. We always have family in the room for treatment and resuscitation. Parents/caregivers are considered an integral part of the team. On occasion will a parent offer to step outside the room while we started an iv or administered an IM injection. However, I have never for resuscitation has a parent/caregiver chosen to leave. Of course, during a resus. we have a dedicated staff member explaining what is happening as it happens as well.
7
"We told them outright that their presence might interfere with and have a negative impact on the treatment of their child. It was more strictly enforced during an emergency.
When did medical professionals start doing otherwise?"
Medical professionals never agreed to do otherwise, Aristotle. Unfortunately, hospitals are now run by persons without medical training who are instead versed in healthcare economics and local and state politics.
When did medical professionals start doing otherwise?"
Medical professionals never agreed to do otherwise, Aristotle. Unfortunately, hospitals are now run by persons without medical training who are instead versed in healthcare economics and local and state politics.
5
You may have felt that the parents' presence would have a negative impact on the care of the child. But parents are usually the best advocate for the child. And they reassure the child with their presence. And there could be a suspicion, if the outcome for the child was bad, that the care was inadequate. With the parent there, the parent may complain but usually will be satisfied with the care received. The only time a parent or relative would be excluded from an ER is when the medical team is working on a trauma patient or other emergency situation.
4
Sometimes, probably rarely, extreme rudeness is justified by its results. Thirty odd years ago my grandmother, having had a stroke, was brought to Jamaica hospital, not the best facility at the time. I arrived after hours had passed. My weeping mother told me Grandma was in the hallway on a cot with zero medical care except an IV. I found the resident in charge. He matter-of-factly said something like "she is very old and will die anyway,and I have better uses for my skills, leave me alone". For the first and only time in my life I seriously and with deliberate calmness threatened another person with extreme violence. I told him exactly what I would do to him if grandmother were to die without my mother having seen that everything possible had been done to save her mother. She got the care.My mother spent a lot of time with her in the following year before grandma passed away.
56
Steven, if I had a stroke and were lying on a cot in the hall, untreated, I would want someone with your sensibility to do exactly what you did. No elderly person should have to lie alone, frightened perhaps, because an arrogant resident couldn't be bothered. An arrogant person does not always respond to polite requests. I'd love to hear what you said, but whatever it was, it worked. It is just sad you had to threaten violence to get a satisfactory result.
2
Someones health can be the most stress inducing thing we ever face. I think health professionals should always take that into account when dealing with patients or their families. That is part of them acting, "professionally." Yes, they may experience all kinds of medical events routinely every day happening to patients, but patients and families are experiencing them often, for the first time. They are anything but, routine.
Civility, and the ability to take, even unfair, criticism is part of the job.
Civility, and the ability to take, even unfair, criticism is part of the job.
6
This is my take on the study. Their royal highnesses are saying is that if you are not polite to us even if we are rude, we are giving you or your loved one substandard care, or we brush you off because you are just a layman and how would you understand, we will give you even worse treatment than we already were. It is hard not to be rude when employees in hospital fail to wash their filthy hands between patients, pick up instruments from the floor and use them or my favorite, leaving a dirty bedpan in a shared bathroom.
I thought it was impossible for me to have a worse attitude about the medical business in general but I was wrong. This study has made me have even less respect than before. My advice is to avoid contact with doctors unless you are desperate. To support this statement I offer the results of another study in Israel when there was a doctors' strike. The death rate went down. Having interacted with doctors in this country when my mother went to the doctor, it is no different here.
I thought it was impossible for me to have a worse attitude about the medical business in general but I was wrong. This study has made me have even less respect than before. My advice is to avoid contact with doctors unless you are desperate. To support this statement I offer the results of another study in Israel when there was a doctors' strike. The death rate went down. Having interacted with doctors in this country when my mother went to the doctor, it is no different here.
18
You sound like a crabby patty.
3
If your interactions with other humans have the tone of your comment here, I'm sure you don't engender any feelings of kindness or humanity among caregivers. Have you always been this petulant? And 'offering' the results of the study you do shows a misunderstanding of basic inference.
3
Has anyone ever looked at the impact on rudeness amongst staff members? The phenomenon of the yelling and abusive physician is known to contribute to errors that have been fatal to patients, but what about snide comments? There are about 100,000 deaths per year due to medical errors - we should look at all ways to reduce this toll.
38
I found that when the staff doesn't listen to the patient bad things happen. I was hospitalized and they gave me a drug that I said made me feel like I was riding a wave. They told me it's just because I'm not used to it and kept ignoring me. Turns out I was allergic to the medication had hives all over my body and 105 fever. Sometimes they need to listen. Being nice didn't work for me.
36
The kind of person you want caring for your desperately ill child will have tender feelings for your child. If you want somebody whose feelings you can't hurt by your rudeness, you will have to give up those tender feelings toward your child, and therefore that level of care. People can't turn their tender hearts on and off with a switch. They either have them or they don't.
62
Two incidents: 1) My wife was in the ICU at Stanford and a couple of the medical personnel (I don't know if they were nurses or what) kept arguing with each other, denigrating each other's competence. This is not what a critically-ill patient needs to hear!
2) I was seeing a beginning orthopedist for knee problems when his teacher came in, grabbed my leg, slammed the joint painfully, made his diagnosis, and then walked out. He acted like I was just a piece of meat on the table, not a human being with feelings. The new orthopedist apologized, saying that the teacher was an expert in the field. IMO, the first course he took in medical school must have been Arrogance 101. I still wish I could have kicked him in the slats.
2) I was seeing a beginning orthopedist for knee problems when his teacher came in, grabbed my leg, slammed the joint painfully, made his diagnosis, and then walked out. He acted like I was just a piece of meat on the table, not a human being with feelings. The new orthopedist apologized, saying that the teacher was an expert in the field. IMO, the first course he took in medical school must have been Arrogance 101. I still wish I could have kicked him in the slats.
92
While I can understand that being sick can make anyone cranky, it seems so counter intuitive to be rude to people who are saving your life.
I don't yell at the wait staff in restaurants because I've heard horror stories. And while I don't expect that kind of shenanigans from a hospital staff, nurses can always just respond a little bit slower, or doctors can take just a little bit longer to return a call or be less receptive to the patient's ideas of what kind of care or treatments they want. Also, as a doctor, I can tell you when a patient is nasty and I have to do a procedure, I am just that much more nervous. When I'm nervous I tend to make more mistakes. I don't try to make more mistakes on nasty patients because it ends up with me getting yelled at more, which is a vicious cycle, but its a common human reaction to not want to get yelled at. Especially when you are professionally restrained from yelling back.
I don't yell at the wait staff in restaurants because I've heard horror stories. And while I don't expect that kind of shenanigans from a hospital staff, nurses can always just respond a little bit slower, or doctors can take just a little bit longer to return a call or be less receptive to the patient's ideas of what kind of care or treatments they want. Also, as a doctor, I can tell you when a patient is nasty and I have to do a procedure, I am just that much more nervous. When I'm nervous I tend to make more mistakes. I don't try to make more mistakes on nasty patients because it ends up with me getting yelled at more, which is a vicious cycle, but its a common human reaction to not want to get yelled at. Especially when you are professionally restrained from yelling back.
82
I'm normally a calm, logical polite person until I am in a hospital.
Long after my last surgery discharge, (and complicated, disaster filled recovery) I sat down with the hospital administration and went through the whole event.
I have no memory of anything from the moment I got the first shot of morphine. And as I wrote on my medication sheet, and told the surgeon and every nurse I saw--morphine has a bad effect on me. I also have odd reactions to other meds---so I GAVE them a list of safe meds, and unsafe meds.
When I had my usual reaction to those drugs, and flipped out, delirious and hallucinating, the nurses and resident left. We panicked. My husband and sister-in-law complained and yes, got upset. Probably were seen as rude, as was I.
But drugs are powerful, and it scares (even traumatizes) families to see patients act this way. So I understand that everyone was upset----and I take no responsibility for what happened. It's on them.
Who gave the meds to the patient, and kept escalating the situation?
Who has no medical training in that room? Who is watching their loved ones have personality changes, lose their dignity, and say awful things?
Who has the power in this situation?
I'm sorry it's a tough job, and also sometimes some staff don't listen, and they start a cycle that makes the whole situation worse.
I'm great when I'm sober and not bleeding. My husband is a great guy when he isn't watching me die. Same for most patients.
Long after my last surgery discharge, (and complicated, disaster filled recovery) I sat down with the hospital administration and went through the whole event.
I have no memory of anything from the moment I got the first shot of morphine. And as I wrote on my medication sheet, and told the surgeon and every nurse I saw--morphine has a bad effect on me. I also have odd reactions to other meds---so I GAVE them a list of safe meds, and unsafe meds.
When I had my usual reaction to those drugs, and flipped out, delirious and hallucinating, the nurses and resident left. We panicked. My husband and sister-in-law complained and yes, got upset. Probably were seen as rude, as was I.
But drugs are powerful, and it scares (even traumatizes) families to see patients act this way. So I understand that everyone was upset----and I take no responsibility for what happened. It's on them.
Who gave the meds to the patient, and kept escalating the situation?
Who has no medical training in that room? Who is watching their loved ones have personality changes, lose their dignity, and say awful things?
Who has the power in this situation?
I'm sorry it's a tough job, and also sometimes some staff don't listen, and they start a cycle that makes the whole situation worse.
I'm great when I'm sober and not bleeding. My husband is a great guy when he isn't watching me die. Same for most patients.
11
I have never, ever, ever seen doctors or nurses treat infants unequally due to rude, neglectful or infuriating parents. In 3/4 NICUs I've been in, they actually bring up these cases in ethics meetings by necessity to make sure they're being held accountable for delivering the best care possible, no matter how much friction there is between them, their staff and families. Most are of the belief every baby deserves a clean slate (that might be the reason they entered the field in the first place?), and even more so if the parents are stressed out, non-commital, or flat out nasty... However, I have seen them not advocate for parents as much as they could in areas that aren't as important like insurance coverage or release dates. That's really not excusable either, but better than the study's findings. So be honest about your feelings to your docs and nurses. Something as small as "this experience has been hard on me, and I'm sorry if I'm not myself" does wonders.
27
This article does not say that doctors or nurses treat infants unequally. It's more that medical professionals are being thrown off center a little bit, and all their tiny patients suffer a bit because of it. They are not singling out the babies to retaliate against the rude parents.
Whenever someone is rude to me, my entire day is affected. This article says the same, that the medical team's ability to perform was affected for the rest of the day. I'm not surprised. Sometimes it's hard to get that necessary equanimity back after a negative encounter.
Whenever someone is rude to me, my entire day is affected. This article says the same, that the medical team's ability to perform was affected for the rest of the day. I'm not surprised. Sometimes it's hard to get that necessary equanimity back after a negative encounter.
46
I don't think it is deliberate--the point of the study was that the cognitive energy required to deal with rudeness takes cognitive energy away from the task at hand. Moreover, although this wasn't in the article, I imagine rudeness could make someone subconsciously question their own competence and lead them to make mistakes-disrupting the flow, as it were.
31
The article didn't say that babies were being treated "unequally" if their parents were rude. It said that staff who are victims of rudeness wind up using cognitive and emotional resources to deal with it, which can result in suboptimal performance in general, for a while.
11
Interesting. I seem to have a number of acquaintances who believe you have to yell at the nurses/doctors to get good care for your ill family member. I tend not to want to do that and pretty much cringe when they do things like that. This column gives me a little ammunition to get them to knock it off.
31
In all likelihood, the staff are short-handed and must triage among patients' needs versus desires. A little courtesy goes a long way.
8
That's a common problem in the ER. It affects everyone when staff is stressed. We also don't want to reward people for being jerks, so it slows their care down. Express your concerns, but be polite if you want to solve a problem vrs just complaining.
7
It is a two-way street - what about patients who are treated rudely and/or indifferently by hospital staff? That was my experience as a hospital patient - fortunately I only had to endure it for two nights and my medical needs were very minor. I have spent a lot of time in hospitals with an elderly relative and the rudeness and indifference is widepsread. Kind and competent treatment is the exception.
50
There have been a billion pieces written about the very thing you're describing. What this study shows is novel, and demonstrates that health care providers are vulnerable human beings, as well.
10
I am always as pleasant to the nurses and attending physicians as I can be. Even when in excruciating pain I find it in me to pleasantly ask ( the nurses in this particular hospital have hospital phones so the patient can call them directly) "Hi 'D' this is 'r' in room 1*** - can I please have more morphine - I am in a lot of pain"
fast as can be there was pain relief. The floor nurse was nice enough to find me a charger for my phone (I was admitted in the ER) so I could call my wife.
Rude just doesn't get you anywhere. If the nurses are not good ask for different nurses - if that doesn't work - call the hospital administrators and talk to them.
My wife had an especially bad ER Dr at one visit (the ER doctors are private contractors not hospital employees) - we found the ear of the head of the Emergency Department during our stay and let him have it. We haven't seen that Dr since.
fast as can be there was pain relief. The floor nurse was nice enough to find me a charger for my phone (I was admitted in the ER) so I could call my wife.
Rude just doesn't get you anywhere. If the nurses are not good ask for different nurses - if that doesn't work - call the hospital administrators and talk to them.
My wife had an especially bad ER Dr at one visit (the ER doctors are private contractors not hospital employees) - we found the ear of the head of the Emergency Department during our stay and let him have it. We haven't seen that Dr since.
7
I had made this point during delivery, and the spousal reply was enlightening: “Ed, I’ve got a half-dozen strangers looking up my [expletive deleted], waiting for something to happen. We are way beyond politeness!”
16
Yeah, correcting the manners of a woman who is in active labor may not be the very best idea anyone ever had.
41
BLOOM interviewed Dr. Riskin about this study and the earlier one about how medical teams derail after being belittled by a colleague. What your article omits is the impact that rudeness by medical staff can have on PARENTS of critically ill babies. Dr. Riskin acknowledged with us that this is a persistent problem. Let's do a study about how callous words from a doctor/nurse, or hearing your child being talked about in a degrading/disrespectful way, impact parents and their ability to bond with their seriously ill child and cope. To improve care, we need to look at the issue of rude words from all sides. http://bloom-parentingkidswithdisabilities.blogspot.ca/2017/01/rude-word...
56
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That's exactly what I thought as I read this article too! Here, south of the border from you, we are supposed to understand that it's business and let the market take care of such things. Bah! Humans can't choose to not be human. The market will never produce "rudeness tolerated here" hospitals or rudeness tolerating patients either.
This is a common, human behavioral reaction to negative feedback, unconstructive criticism, etc. Makes me wonder about our present situation and the common denominators with another article if written with the headline:
"What Happens When a President is rude with His People"
"What Happens When a President is rude with His People"
86
As a patient, I've come across a few very rude doctors in my life time. I always responded politely. After all, my immediate care was in their hands. However, I have always wondered if a sharp reply would have been more appropriate. Perhaps rude people should get negative feedback (or is it wasted on them?).
18
Be careful. A rude physician, or nurse, may, however rarely, try to cause harm or at the least offer lesser treatment. It sounds horrible to say this, but sometimes human emotion trumps professionalism.
4
There's a difference between being rude and being upset or insisting that something is wrong. I have found that my worst experiences with medical care, whether it's for family or myself, have been when I've dealt with medical staff that assume that DOCTOR is right and the rest of us have no business asking questions.
I saw quite a bit of rudeness and Medical Deity behavior when my father was hospitalized with a brain abscess over 30 years ago. One doctor decided to do group therapy because my brother wasn't involved in the discussion. One of the nurses started to scold my father for soiling himself after no one responded to his or my buzzing for help. When I spoke to other people who had had ill family members or friends in the hospital they reported similar occurrences.
For many medical personnel illness, putting in IVs, drawing blood, seeing adverse reactions to medications, seeing a patient start to die are every day experiences. It's not for the rest of us and we, like the patients, need some hand holding and reassurance. If hospitals were better staffed some of the rudeness wouldn't occur. Other incidents would happen no matter what was done because there are people out there who love to put others down even if that can hurt them or a close relation.
I saw quite a bit of rudeness and Medical Deity behavior when my father was hospitalized with a brain abscess over 30 years ago. One doctor decided to do group therapy because my brother wasn't involved in the discussion. One of the nurses started to scold my father for soiling himself after no one responded to his or my buzzing for help. When I spoke to other people who had had ill family members or friends in the hospital they reported similar occurrences.
For many medical personnel illness, putting in IVs, drawing blood, seeing adverse reactions to medications, seeing a patient start to die are every day experiences. It's not for the rest of us and we, like the patients, need some hand holding and reassurance. If hospitals were better staffed some of the rudeness wouldn't occur. Other incidents would happen no matter what was done because there are people out there who love to put others down even if that can hurt them or a close relation.
49
"For many medical personnel illness, putting in IVs, drawing blood, seeing adverse reactions to medications, seeing a patient start to die are every day experiences. It's not for the rest of us... "
This was exactly my thinking when I experienced substandard treatment after a severe spinal cord injury. I was horrified to be messing myself, having everyone under the sun looking at and/or cleaning and manipulating my private areas, and to be experiencing hallucinatory effects from a strong pain medication.
To many of the nursing staff and doctors, it was all just another day. I felt like my attempts to convey distress and embarrassment often fell on deaf ears. I understand that they may have to create and maintain some distance from the situation in order to avoid burnout, but cannot real human compassion be mixed into that somehow? A patient's emotions should not be ignored and dismissed. Perhaps it is too much to ask of someone who may be at the end of a 24hr+ shift.
This was exactly my thinking when I experienced substandard treatment after a severe spinal cord injury. I was horrified to be messing myself, having everyone under the sun looking at and/or cleaning and manipulating my private areas, and to be experiencing hallucinatory effects from a strong pain medication.
To many of the nursing staff and doctors, it was all just another day. I felt like my attempts to convey distress and embarrassment often fell on deaf ears. I understand that they may have to create and maintain some distance from the situation in order to avoid burnout, but cannot real human compassion be mixed into that somehow? A patient's emotions should not be ignored and dismissed. Perhaps it is too much to ask of someone who may be at the end of a 24hr+ shift.
2
What exactly is defined as "rude"?
Sometimes patients, or their parents, have to be "steadfast" and even stubborn to insure that they do not fall by the "treatment wayside".
Docile patients or their parents in this case do not necessarily receive the best treatment.
There is a very thin line between "firm", angry and rude.
Polite is indeed the ideal situation; it is not always a luxury that parents of a deathly ill child have.
Polite and rude are also subjective categories.
Sometimes patients, or their parents, have to be "steadfast" and even stubborn to insure that they do not fall by the "treatment wayside".
Docile patients or their parents in this case do not necessarily receive the best treatment.
There is a very thin line between "firm", angry and rude.
Polite is indeed the ideal situation; it is not always a luxury that parents of a deathly ill child have.
Polite and rude are also subjective categories.
56
I'm an RN on a stroke unit. I work 12 hour shifts. I'm responsible for the care of six patients at a time, all day. The physicians I work with have weekly meltdowns, humiliating nurses in public; management gives no support. My patients can be total care, and are often critically ill. Are you displacing your fears about your loved one's sudden catastrophic illness onto the nurse caring for him or her? Talk to the hand, I have no time for you. You just lost an important ally.
86
I've accompanied many people in the hospital, and been admitted there myself. I'm never docile and always insist on asking questions and being helped to make intelligent decisions about my care (or having my friends get the info they need to understand their care). I don't find it hard to do so without being rude. The line is thin sometimes, yes. But most of the time it's clear that "The stupid nurse did X. What's wrong with you people?" is rude, but "I don't understand why the nurse did X - please explain it to me, and in the future please explain everything beforehand" isn't.
13
The article is specific as to how this was tested. "I knew we should have gone to a better hospital where they don’t practice Third World medicine." and "Teams like the ones I have seen here in Israel wouldn’t last a week in my department.” This isn't firm or angry, or not falling by the wayside, and it's not a luxury not to act this way.
7
In my experience I see something related to this. My nicest patients often comment they get the best care. Seems it might work both ways.
107
The last line exactly.... we are human beings. In my experience, nurses really get the brunt of the rudeness. I used to work in a setting where as a physician I was just behind a partition and out of sight but able to hear everything said, and the number of people who were horribly rude to nurses and then nice to my face when I came out were amazing. Then, of course, there are the people who are just horribly rude to everyone....fortunately a small percentage, but true, enough to throw you off just a bit, because we too are humans.
134
Most nurses are women and it's easier to be rude to women because they're less likely than men to pose a physical threat. Add to that having the niceness mandate drilled into women's heads from a young age and the result is women internalize abuse and suffer in silence. As expected.
2
As a female physician, I think it also has to do with perceived status as well. I worked in many all-female settings if I am the physician on (as all the nurses and MAs are female too) and I can't tell you how many times people are just nasty to everyone BUT me, the physician, even though I am also a woman.
2
Thich Nhat Hanh said: “When a person’s speech is full of anger, it is because he or she suffers deeply…When we get angry, we suffer. When someone insults you or behaves violently towards you, you have to be intelligent enough to see that the person suffers from his own violence and anger. We tend to forget. We think that we are the only one that suffers, & the other person is our oppressor. This is enough to make anger arise, & to strengthen our desire to punish. We want to punish the other person because we suffer. Then, we have anger in us; we have violence in us, just as they do. When we see that our suffering & anger are no different from their suffering & anger, we will behave more compassionately. Everything must begin with you.”
The magic is—we don’t HAVE to become angry, or rude. We continue to look in the mirror too. When am I doing exactly what I fear? How do I pause & end this in myself? When I have behaved this way, do I pause and find a way to make amends? Or do I let that river flow and build—allowing my own hurt, grief, injury, anger—build & harm too? In ourselves first—then together have the strength to make changes. We keep walking, wading. Together. Otherwise we all drown.