Wow! This is a stunning piece of writing, of reporting, of educating. Thank you for sharing this. And yes, at this very moment of American political history, it stands out in greater clarity for all to ponder.
24
Very insightful and touching. I think you should give your mother a picture of both of you to put up and mount the same picture in your home. I hope your stepfather has rec'd his due recognition as a hero. Thanks for sharing...
28
On a morning where the news bring stories of families and their human rights being devastated by our new president, your piece shines even more brightly. How lucky is your mother to have a son who cares enough not to let her go...how lucky are you to have a mother who tries to understand your life...and how lucky are you both for that Air Force husband who helped bring you together. Tennessee, thank you for your brilliant writing and for sharing your story.
52
Thank you for writing this and for living your life. We're all just making it through.
17
Thank you, that was powerful.
14
Excellent piece! Transgendering is courageous in so many ways and needs to be seen as such. I am happy for you and your mother. I fear that with Trump as POTUS there may be much backlash on the LGBTQ community, particularly in small towns and rural areas.
13
Wow! Thank you for writing this. Very powerful.
9
Thank you for this. We need your voice, advocacy and insights more than ever.
10
Powerful! Thank you!
9
What a beautiful tribute to a mother by her loving son. I hope one day she will show you the unconditional love that you deserve. This PFLAG mom is rooting for both of you <3
14
Incredibly moving read. What a beautiful soul.
9
What a lovely comment on the complexity and beauty of human relationships. Thank you for sharing. May you both continue to feel more safe and more at home in this world.
9
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, and showing some fundamental values that we have the choice to try to follow and respect or not. Bless you on a Sunday morning :-)
11
As I too have discovered, when we love our children and support their decisions, not matter what, they are more open to us and in turn we learn how enormous is their courage to become their true selves. Bonds that could easily be broken [and break people when they do], suddenly gain depth to become more meaningful and rich.
All the best to you.
All the best to you.
20
What beautiful, important writing. I hope to see more from Tennessee Jones.
17
Tears flowed freely down my face as I read this story.
We all have select memories of our parents acceptance or disapproval, Tennessee travelled a lonely road to arrive where he did.
19
So much pain and so little grace in the world. I am grateful you and your mother seem to have have found a sliver of that grace. Your courage should be so unnecessary and yet it it so overwhelming. Stay strong. Stay loving.
21
Beautifully and lovingly written. Thank you!
9
Thank you for the well-written and generous peek into your experience. I expect that your humanity will reach some who don't want to understand and give them pause enough to reconsider. I'm not a prayerful person, but I'm struck by how your piece this morning reminds me of a line from The Lords Prayer, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."
11
Beautiful and thought provoking. Thank you for sharing.
7
My heart goes out to you and your family for all you have suffered. Thank you for your courage, and for sharing your story. We are all richer for you.
16
What a beautiful and thoughtful article.
4
Thank you. Your story is beautifully expressed and incredibly moving. You have a rare talent for writing, living and loving.
4
What a beautiful story. In between the uncountable grueling stories coming from Washington these days, this piece of human suffering, love and understanding, yes, of wisdom, gives hope human dignity is stronger then stupidity.
8
Brave of you to share your story. I hope you and your mom continue to strengthen your relationship. Trying to see the world through her eyes will help.
9
Her husband must be a great man.
30
Your mom always loved you but she feared the possibility that others would not love you. Perhaps she felt the need to defend your from the hate that others might bestow on you and at the time she could not reach down inside to muster the strength to protect you as well as herself from this pain.
Hope you love yourself as much as she loves you.
Best to you and your mom.
Hope you love yourself as much as she loves you.
Best to you and your mom.
8
Wow... The first story on gender from the NY times in a LONG time that did not vllify masculinity, call it toxic, delve into mansplaining or manspreading or wage gap or toxic masculinity.
A story in which the husband -- a MAN! -- to the mother emerges as a good man.
Wow... And I read it all. And it made me understand things more.
Wow... Imagine how much more we can learn if the feminist-inspired press would just stop villifying men. Why, maybe even Donald Trump might NOT have been elected if the feminist-press stopped attacking masculinity.
Oh... And a beautiful story... the first of which I have read to the end and which also brought moisture to my eyes. Nice story.
A story in which the husband -- a MAN! -- to the mother emerges as a good man.
Wow... And I read it all. And it made me understand things more.
Wow... Imagine how much more we can learn if the feminist-inspired press would just stop villifying men. Why, maybe even Donald Trump might NOT have been elected if the feminist-press stopped attacking masculinity.
Oh... And a beautiful story... the first of which I have read to the end and which also brought moisture to my eyes. Nice story.
7
Oh man. Oh man.
You wrote the story in my heart. I'm a 24 year old trans man; the son of a mother with a selective memory and a spot on her uterus too and a helluva lot of pain in her heart. And love. Oh, this hurts in a good way. Thank you.
You wrote the story in my heart. I'm a 24 year old trans man; the son of a mother with a selective memory and a spot on her uterus too and a helluva lot of pain in her heart. And love. Oh, this hurts in a good way. Thank you.
47
This is wonderfully insightful. Parents of any LGBTQA child can read this and identify with the sentiments. I think what we as family relations of each other forget, is that we want to take ownership of our another person in our family, which means we want the rights to say we know them better than anyone; often as my mother would yell at me to try to get the upper hand, "I know you better than you know yourself". She didn't and still doesn't, because.. she doesn't listen, or she, no fault of her own, will never be able to comprehend. This is what creates our fleeting disappointment for our children, or that wishful hope for our sibling or cousin to rise up out of the ashes of their mistakes. But we forget.. often the times we're left with disappointment with others, especially those we love, we don't realize we really aren't seeing the struggles that person, our loved one really is going to battle with day in and day out.
Make no mistake. We are born into this world biologically, but it is those we bring in the closest to our lives that are our real family, whether by flesh or faith.
Love. Kindness. Compassion. Time.
Make no mistake. We are born into this world biologically, but it is those we bring in the closest to our lives that are our real family, whether by flesh or faith.
Love. Kindness. Compassion. Time.
15
"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here."
— Max Ehrmann (from the poem "Desiderata")
— Max Ehrmann (from the poem "Desiderata")
28
You have an absolute, god-given right to be here.
You simply do not have the right to claim to be man when you are a clearly, biologically a woman.
Nor do you have the right to claim to be 6 ft tall when you are 5 ft tall.
Or the right to claim you are black (like Rachel Dolezal) when you are obviously white.
Or the right to claim to be a zebra, when you are clearly homo sapiens.
You simply do not have the right to claim to be man when you are a clearly, biologically a woman.
Nor do you have the right to claim to be 6 ft tall when you are 5 ft tall.
Or the right to claim you are black (like Rachel Dolezal) when you are obviously white.
Or the right to claim to be a zebra, when you are clearly homo sapiens.
12
What a powerful story and great read. Hope all is well with you and your mother.
3
Thank you for a thoughtful and informative piece. My heart goes out to you and your Mom. May you meet only thoughtful, sensitive and receptive people from now on.
4
I have a few thoughts:
once making a fully informed choice, people should be able to choose what makes them comfortable in their own skin
I wish we lived in a world that paid a lot less attention to other people's sexual identity and sexuality overall - these are personal issues and none of anyone else's business - their own skin being the most important phrase. It's noone else's skin
last, this issue upset a lot of less liberal democrats and more liberal republicans during the election cycle by dominating the airwaves - and that resulted in fewer democratic votes, completely by GOP design. Let's get a democratic administration back in (starting with being out the vote in 2 years for midterms) and address this as a political issue then, without a crew of haters in the white house, when we have freedoms restored
P.S. - love your name - it's an author's name and you're a true writer. Your mom's Appalachian "Well" said so much in only a couple of words - it was Hemingway and Ellen Gilchrist together. Spare poetry.
once making a fully informed choice, people should be able to choose what makes them comfortable in their own skin
I wish we lived in a world that paid a lot less attention to other people's sexual identity and sexuality overall - these are personal issues and none of anyone else's business - their own skin being the most important phrase. It's noone else's skin
last, this issue upset a lot of less liberal democrats and more liberal republicans during the election cycle by dominating the airwaves - and that resulted in fewer democratic votes, completely by GOP design. Let's get a democratic administration back in (starting with being out the vote in 2 years for midterms) and address this as a political issue then, without a crew of haters in the white house, when we have freedoms restored
P.S. - love your name - it's an author's name and you're a true writer. Your mom's Appalachian "Well" said so much in only a couple of words - it was Hemingway and Ellen Gilchrist together. Spare poetry.
15
A powerful story at many levels. One of the most succinct descriptions of inter-generational trauma I've read.
8
This is a personal story,anecdotal and heart-warming.
However there are far, far more pressing issues at the moment. Perhaps not to you,but to millions of Americans. Transgender rights and freedom from discrimination-sure. However, there are much bigger and more relevant issues if you look away from your personal,internal mirror
However there are far, far more pressing issues at the moment. Perhaps not to you,but to millions of Americans. Transgender rights and freedom from discrimination-sure. However, there are much bigger and more relevant issues if you look away from your personal,internal mirror
12
There is always something else that someone considers to be more important, more pressing, more whatever. This article doesn't deny any of those issues - it just doesn't happen to be about them. Considering your blithe dismissal of this man's story I would suggest that it is you who needs to turn away from your own personal, internal mirror and realize that just because something is not important to you does not mean it can't have meaning to others. This story was about the relationship between a mother and child and how they are trying to overcome the abuse and ignorance that has come down through generations in their family. This seems like a pretty universal story to me.
45
Thank you for this piece. On a day when fear is rampant, we need more than ever to understand one another.
7
Beautifully written, very powerful. You are a gifted writer. I hope your mother reads this, along with many, many others. Best wishes to both of you.
8
Ummmm....This ain't PC. There is a very high probability the Great Gray Lady will not post my comment...but here goes. I Do Not Care. America does not care. While the left in general, and Democrats in particular, fall all over themselves "protecting LGBT rights," you have lost ENORMOUS ground because of it. I totally accept gay folks. But I don't want to hear it. Why? Homosexuals represent 3% of the population and liberals lost a multiple of that in the last election because THE MAJORITY OF AMERICAN VOTERS DO NOT LIVE IT CHELSEA. Get a clue.
10
No one forced you to read this article. No one held a gun to your head. If you don't care, if you don't want to hear about it then I suggest you just don't click and read. It's just too bad for you if you're offended by people demanding their rights as human beings and as citizens. I'm old enough to remember when simply being gay, not even acting on it, was enough to get you arrested or committed. I'm old enough to remember when the polite words used for my kind in publications like the NYTimes and Time magazine were "pervert" and "degenerate" I'm old enough not to have had the protection of marriage when my significant other was dying of cancer. So you'll excuse me if I'm not willing to shut-up just to please people like you. Do I make you uncomfortable? Tough. I've been uncomfortable my entire life and the days are long gone when I'm willing to suffer in silence. People demanding their rights are not the problem - you are.
69
@jim: and THAT is what I object to....nobody is remotely suggesting putting Ms. Jones in jail, giving her electroshock treatments against her will or shooting her.
We are simply stating that we WILL NOT be bullied to saying that black is white, up is down, wrong is right, night is day or that a WOMAN with XX chromosomes and a uterus is a MAN because "she says so".
We are simply stating that we WILL NOT be bullied to saying that black is white, up is down, wrong is right, night is day or that a WOMAN with XX chromosomes and a uterus is a MAN because "she says so".
10
@ Brian P-I hope you find some joy in life and think about other people and not simply "the majority of american voters"
You need to consider the content of somebody's heart and mind; not if they are LGBT. Tough upbringing, mother with a tough upbringing and they both seem to have overcome some of the loss, fear and dread. A great thing.
Tennessee , I wish you the very best.
You need to consider the content of somebody's heart and mind; not if they are LGBT. Tough upbringing, mother with a tough upbringing and they both seem to have overcome some of the loss, fear and dread. A great thing.
Tennessee , I wish you the very best.
21
beautiful .... you are two gloriously courageous souls.....
2
Great story. Thanks for writing it. I'm always amazed how much more interesting the real world is, compared to what we were lead to believe when we were growing up!
9
"I didn't know how to explain to her that these parts were slowly killing me ... ." I couldn't read beyond this sentence--the author's problem isn't physical but psychological. Normalizing this type of mindset by medicalizing it is a disservice to people who are actually ill. Shame on the NYT for publishing this.
13
It is ESSENTIAL to "medicalize" it -- for lefty liberals -- because otherwise, you cannot demand that gender reassignment surgery be covered by health insurance and taxpayers in the form of Obamacare, or Tricare, or Medicare/Medicaid, etc.
Of course, they fail to say that even drastic surgery and drugs, only occasionally make a transgender person "happy" for very long...the surgery doesn't even fool a small child. And in time, the transgender person is unhappy again. Many eventually elect to "redo" the surgery and go back to their natural birth gender!
Of course, they fail to say that even drastic surgery and drugs, only occasionally make a transgender person "happy" for very long...the surgery doesn't even fool a small child. And in time, the transgender person is unhappy again. Many eventually elect to "redo" the surgery and go back to their natural birth gender!
7
What a beautiful message. Reconciliation is a scary and trying experience. Learning to see each other as human, especially those closest to us, is never easy. You're strength is an inspiration.
4
A moving and memorable telling of a difficult journey. Thank you so much for sharing a story that needs to be told.
3
Thank you for telling this heartbreaking and bittersweet story. I'm hoping for a happy ending.
3
Thanks for sharing this. As I read it. I am not speaking to my mother, who is one of those unfortunate evangelicals who on the one hand loves my transgender son and on the other hand fusses that we're going to hell. We'll talk eventually. I'm just not there yet.
23
Love the sinner....hate the sin.
Why is that so hard to understand?
Your mother has watched her GRANDDAUGHTER be born, grow up -- had hopes and dreams for her GRANDDAUGHTER -- and now, you want to her to do a 180º and "accept" that she has magically transformed into a man.
That is very hard even in the most liberal family members, and for a conservative, Evangelical Christian it must be harder even still.
Why is that so hard to understand?
Your mother has watched her GRANDDAUGHTER be born, grow up -- had hopes and dreams for her GRANDDAUGHTER -- and now, you want to her to do a 180º and "accept" that she has magically transformed into a man.
That is very hard even in the most liberal family members, and for a conservative, Evangelical Christian it must be harder even still.
6
Thank you for sharing your story.
2
Powerful, poignant. I wish you and your mother mutual understanding and compassion as you both continue your journey together.
And kudos to your stepdad!
And kudos to your stepdad!
32
Thank you for sharing your story. I find you to be a kind, loving, forgiving and brave person. My heart hurts that your photos are hidden away and I admire your loving soul in trying to understand your Mom. She too is brave...she is trying. Sounds like she had an awful upbringing. Also sounds like she has a good son. All a Mom can ask for.
41