I'm a Gen-Xer who happened to notice that, at work, I was doing far more than my male colleagues while being paid less. I asked for equal treatment; I was fired. This happened two years ago, at a major state-funded research university.
30
It is encouraging to read these stories about women who succeeded "in spite." Now think about how pervasive this attitude is and how much talent we have wasted in this country through artificial social barriers. Even when you succeed, as I did by getting a college internship, I still had a professor tell me I was taking the job of a man who would need it as the head of a household. The irony is that those professorships have been degraded over the years by governments that no longer support higher education, and many are now adjunct jobs with salaries that aren't enough to support a family. So even when you win, you sometimes lose.
14
In seventh grade, in 1968, they tested the kids in my math class to split off the better students into an advanced section. I scored highly but the teacher tried to dissuade me by saying girls don't need math. I was a meek girl but quickly told him I was considering being a nurse and would need math. He relented and let me into the class. Surprisingly, there were a lot of other girls there; apparently all of us had come up with some reason we should be there.
13
My mother was born in 1956. One story I've heard from her many times is how hurt she was as a child that her father never let her play with his model trains because it was "a boy hobby." He would spend many evenings and weekends designing train platforms with his two sons, but never allowed his three daughters to participate. My parents raised me to believe that no barrier is insurmountable and to not let people tell me I can't do things because I am a woman. But that makes it all the more confusing and hurtful that they -- as well as my three sisters -- voted for Trump. I don't understand how they can't see that voting for Trump goes in opposition of everything they taught me and everything they want me to reach in life.
23
I can't even....a lifelong grudge because one couldn't understand why it could be a bad idea for a high school intern to be a page for a member of the opposite sex? Or to not understand the cause and effect relationship affirmative action has in implicitly telling others "they can't get it on their own, we must help them"? Complaints about how hard it is for girls in high school when by every measure boys are being left behind, punished more, and are judged harsher than girls by the ever-increasing number of female teachers?
Where has reality gone?
Where has reality gone?
When I was in pre-veterinary medicine in the 60's, senior faculty members discouraged women undergraduates from applying to the vet school. They said most of us wanted to married, have families and would give up our careers to be fulltime wives and mothers...and they needed the places for men students.
There was also a quota of 10 per cent women that could be admitted to the veterinary school. This was true for many other professional schools.
Today, the majority of students in most veterinary schools are women.
There was also a quota of 10 per cent women that could be admitted to the veterinary school. This was true for many other professional schools.
Today, the majority of students in most veterinary schools are women.
6
Good lord! I've read only about half, but it's like a convention of "special snowflakes!"
Many are recounting stories from 50, 60 and 70 years ago. Others are claiming rampant discrimination as recently as 2008 (!!!) when there were clearly laws about affirmative action, equal opportunity hiring, Title 9 and so forth.
And I am a woman, and a boomer. Sure I heard some discriminatory remarks and had some teachers who did not believe in me....but I did not let it RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
It is not realistic to think that in life, everyone will be supportive and adore you, and encourage you....or hold your hand, and direct you to just the right profession or field or hobbies.
In life, you will meet a LOT of people -- some will have very different lifestyles and opinions and beliefs than you do. And life requires you be tough, flexible, adaptive.
Expect THIS LEVEL of hand holding and soothing, and "special treatment" and constant encouragement and ego-stroking....is just not a realistic expectation. And with it, millions more women will end up disappointed and sour and bitter like the women here.
In the end, we are responsible for our OWN lives...our own aspirations and goals, our own failures and successes.
In case you were wondering "why did Hillary lose"? in part....this is why. The constant whinging of lefty liberals.
Many are recounting stories from 50, 60 and 70 years ago. Others are claiming rampant discrimination as recently as 2008 (!!!) when there were clearly laws about affirmative action, equal opportunity hiring, Title 9 and so forth.
And I am a woman, and a boomer. Sure I heard some discriminatory remarks and had some teachers who did not believe in me....but I did not let it RUIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
It is not realistic to think that in life, everyone will be supportive and adore you, and encourage you....or hold your hand, and direct you to just the right profession or field or hobbies.
In life, you will meet a LOT of people -- some will have very different lifestyles and opinions and beliefs than you do. And life requires you be tough, flexible, adaptive.
Expect THIS LEVEL of hand holding and soothing, and "special treatment" and constant encouragement and ego-stroking....is just not a realistic expectation. And with it, millions more women will end up disappointed and sour and bitter like the women here.
In the end, we are responsible for our OWN lives...our own aspirations and goals, our own failures and successes.
In case you were wondering "why did Hillary lose"? in part....this is why. The constant whinging of lefty liberals.
5
I was never specifically told I couldn't be anything or do anything. I just noticed people reacted differently to the things I did. My mother especially used much different words for me than she did for my brother. I was always playing "too rough" or "not nice" even though we were playing together and doing the same things.
7
After our move to Washington, DC, in the late 60s, one of the most anticipated and welcome visits from our last home in Albuquerque was that of one of my mom's colleagues, who chaperoned New Mexico's champion speller to the National Spelling Bee, held in those days at the old Mayflower Hotel.
The chaperone (who also put a lot of work into organizing the spelling bee in New Mexico) was one Urith (Luke) Lucas. It became our custom for Mom and I to have lunch at the Mayflower with Luke and her speller. Luke and Mom were the old friends. The speller and I were the younger contemporaries. It made for a comfortable lunch with kids and old folks.
The Mayflower was a favorite lunch spot (Waldorf salad, no walnuts, please) of J. Edgar Hoover.
In the course of conversation at our table, it came out that Luke's charge, the best speller to compete in New Mexico, aspired to be an FBI agent. Ever the listener, my ears perked up and I scanned the room. J. Edgar was in his customary booth in the corner of the room, and I opined that the very man she needed see about her aspirations was right over there.
God bless her, a young Hispanic woman, who didn't have a snowball's chance of ever becoming a special agent in Hoover's FBI, she approached him.
To his credit he was very kind to her, not the least bit condescending, in fact encouraged her to keep it up. And autographed her Spelling Bee program.
All these years later, I've wondered how her ambitions panned out.
The chaperone (who also put a lot of work into organizing the spelling bee in New Mexico) was one Urith (Luke) Lucas. It became our custom for Mom and I to have lunch at the Mayflower with Luke and her speller. Luke and Mom were the old friends. The speller and I were the younger contemporaries. It made for a comfortable lunch with kids and old folks.
The Mayflower was a favorite lunch spot (Waldorf salad, no walnuts, please) of J. Edgar Hoover.
In the course of conversation at our table, it came out that Luke's charge, the best speller to compete in New Mexico, aspired to be an FBI agent. Ever the listener, my ears perked up and I scanned the room. J. Edgar was in his customary booth in the corner of the room, and I opined that the very man she needed see about her aspirations was right over there.
God bless her, a young Hispanic woman, who didn't have a snowball's chance of ever becoming a special agent in Hoover's FBI, she approached him.
To his credit he was very kind to her, not the least bit condescending, in fact encouraged her to keep it up. And autographed her Spelling Bee program.
All these years later, I've wondered how her ambitions panned out.
11
I was working for a public agency in the late 1980s at the start of the personal computer trend in office computing. I was doing PC networking and server management, which was brand new at the time. PC's were few; there was an understanding that the "real work" was done on mainframe computers and the prestige jobs were all in the programming department. I was a very green, but ambitious, 24-year-old, and had been hired to try to meet agency expectations for having more women in the IT department. My (male) mentor and predecessor in the job had moved on into programming. So when I was asked during my first review what my goals were, I told my boss that I wanted to learn to be a programmer too, as my predecessor had. His response floored me: he looked unperturbed, but told me that wasn't going to be possible. I thought that it might be because of the steep learning curve, or the fact that I was self taught without a computer science degree, and I was ready with rebuttals illustrating my enthusiasm, my self-evident abilities, and my willingness to work hard. But when I asked him why he thought I couldn't be a programmer, he looked me right in the eye and said, "Because programming requires logic, and women can't think logically." I didn't try to pursue it, just made the situation known to the department manager. The next week I started looking for a new job where I would have more room to grow.
11
When I was in fourth grade, the teacher selected four boys to learn long division and then demonstrate it to the rest of the class. I was furious, and marched home after school to ask my mother why "the boys" were selected to learn long division first and not "the girls." (Note: I had straight As on my report cards.)
My mother replied "Girls can learn long division and I'll teach you." And she did. At dinner I told my father and he said "Girls can learn math too." So I was encouraged by them.
I graduated as valedictorian of my high school class, went to college as a pre-med major. Four years later, I was accepted to medical school. I am now an Internist.
And don't think my parents just encouraged me. My younger sister is also a physician: she's an endocrinologist.
Mom & Dad: I can NEVER thank you enough.
My mother replied "Girls can learn long division and I'll teach you." And she did. At dinner I told my father and he said "Girls can learn math too." So I was encouraged by them.
I graduated as valedictorian of my high school class, went to college as a pre-med major. Four years later, I was accepted to medical school. I am now an Internist.
And don't think my parents just encouraged me. My younger sister is also a physician: she's an endocrinologist.
Mom & Dad: I can NEVER thank you enough.
23
My mother started running with my father in the late 1950s. She wanted to run a marathon, but was told that women shouldn't run because then they wouldn't be able to have children. She ran anyway, through 4 pregnancies.
When she and her friend tried to run in races, officials would block them or try to force them off the race course. They ran in hoodies and baggy sweatsuits to disguise their gender. My mother's friend became the first US woman to officially finish a marathon, and my mother was the third.
We thought the battle was won, but in the 1970s, my sister wanted to run in a local 10-K that was sponsored by the Mormon church. The race officials refused to start the race until my sister left the group of runners waiting to start.
When she and her friend tried to run in races, officials would block them or try to force them off the race course. They ran in hoodies and baggy sweatsuits to disguise their gender. My mother's friend became the first US woman to officially finish a marathon, and my mother was the third.
We thought the battle was won, but in the 1970s, my sister wanted to run in a local 10-K that was sponsored by the Mormon church. The race officials refused to start the race until my sister left the group of runners waiting to start.
14
In high school (Los Angeles, 1969) I was denied the possibility of taking college level classes in my senior year despite my good grades because I wasn't considered "socially mature" enough (the principal asked me if I dated).
In college my sister and I enrolled in an auto mechanics class simply because we weren't allowed to. The reason I was given was that there weren't girls' bathrooms near the class. I like to think we were instrumental in changing such senseless and biased policies.
In college my sister and I enrolled in an auto mechanics class simply because we weren't allowed to. The reason I was given was that there weren't girls' bathrooms near the class. I like to think we were instrumental in changing such senseless and biased policies.
12
This is one article that unless you are a male ally, you really shouldn't comment at all. Go girl!
4
To all the proud women on this thread: Thank you for sharing your personal stories. This (historically republican) man is proud to be part of a society with you. I believe your strength and perseverance is moving our society forward. Despite recent national events, the slope of progress is clear.
My medical school class was the first in its history that was majority female. We succeeded together and will lead together. I don't claim to be unbiased, but I strive to be aware of my biases and aim to improve. My wife keeps me aware of my episodes of mansplaining and unconscious episodes of talking over (selectively) female voices. Stand tall. Stand firm. We will all move forward together.
My medical school class was the first in its history that was majority female. We succeeded together and will lead together. I don't claim to be unbiased, but I strive to be aware of my biases and aim to improve. My wife keeps me aware of my episodes of mansplaining and unconscious episodes of talking over (selectively) female voices. Stand tall. Stand firm. We will all move forward together.
38
When I was a kid in Camp Fire Girls, we did 'service' projects. Helped old people, etc etc etc, and art. Art was swell, but why didn't we get to learn outdoor survival, etc which is how the Boy Scouts spend all their time?
12
I was reading stories such as these avidly in the days before the election on the 'secret' fb page Pantsuit Nation. I can't read them now. I read the first three and burst into tears. I am heartbroken, and if I stop to think about it, I will never get anything done. I need to get things done. Only then will we make it better, together.
6
I was told men needed the better jobs and pay because they had families to support. When I think about all the overtime I worked -- without pay -- the holidays I worked covering for men with families, I realize that instead of getting .79 cents and hour on the job, I was getting paid about half that.
24
In 1982 when I was in a catholic high school the Boosters club (a parent organization) decided to take all funding away from the girls field hockey teams and give it to the boys football team. I was devastated. Being part of the field hockey team was an opportunity to bond with girls I would otherwise never get to know. It was but one slight of many that the school visited on females. The football team never won a single game in the four years I was in high school. I wonder if any of those Booster Club parents remember this decision or have any appreciation of its impact.
23
I dont see anyone "whining" or crying in this thread. The opposite, in fact.
I was in kindergarten and reading--I don't know, chapter books, something like a 6th/7th grade reading level, and my slightly underfunded public school tried to accommodate me by having me read advanced books on my own, in a group with just one other boy, meeting with a teacher every so often.
we met up with the teacher and the boy hadn't been able to get anywhere with the book--it was too hard, above his reading level. i loved it-- loved reading, always have, flew through the book and was ready for another one. I still remember how puzzled the teachers were and their comment about why he couldn't keep up with me--"maybe because the book is about a girl? so he wasn't interested in reading about a girl character?" This mysterious comment made a lasting impression on me at the time and I "pondered it in my heart" for years--now of course, I understand it.
boys benefit from a system that excuses their limitations, allows them to insist on being the main character, the default; assumes that they must be superior to girls, and looks for ways to explain away any lack they demonstrate. If they're disappointed, it's not their fault, they are told.
[in case you're wondering, I did not whine, I ignored their comments and got on with my education regardless of what anyone thought.]
I was born in the 80s.
I was in kindergarten and reading--I don't know, chapter books, something like a 6th/7th grade reading level, and my slightly underfunded public school tried to accommodate me by having me read advanced books on my own, in a group with just one other boy, meeting with a teacher every so often.
we met up with the teacher and the boy hadn't been able to get anywhere with the book--it was too hard, above his reading level. i loved it-- loved reading, always have, flew through the book and was ready for another one. I still remember how puzzled the teachers were and their comment about why he couldn't keep up with me--"maybe because the book is about a girl? so he wasn't interested in reading about a girl character?" This mysterious comment made a lasting impression on me at the time and I "pondered it in my heart" for years--now of course, I understand it.
boys benefit from a system that excuses their limitations, allows them to insist on being the main character, the default; assumes that they must be superior to girls, and looks for ways to explain away any lack they demonstrate. If they're disappointed, it's not their fault, they are told.
[in case you're wondering, I did not whine, I ignored their comments and got on with my education regardless of what anyone thought.]
I was born in the 80s.
46
When I was in fourth grade all of the kids were signing up for different workshops. I signed up for one called "modeling". I thought it was going to be a class on modeling with clay. I soon found out that the teacher was teaching us things like how to sit properly, as a girl should, where you sit down on the edge of the chair and then slide to the back of it, all the while smiling demurely with our legs crossed and our hands folded on our laps. We learned how to walk, or I should say slink, blank-faced, and we learned about makeup. I really felt like something was wrong with this. It felt very restrictive, and felt like I was being inducted into a club where the point of it was to shame its members. I was so disappointed and angry not to be modeling with clay that at the end of the workshop, to my teacher's dismay, I stepped onto the chair and jumped over the back of it and went to my next class.
Sadly, that experience was not an inoculation to the negative effects of mysogyny and sexism that pervaded our culture since my childhood and which are still rampant. I was not immune to their self-esteem-crushing effects, but have managed to find that fourth grade girl in me and great internal strength and fulfillment since my 40's.
Sadly, that experience was not an inoculation to the negative effects of mysogyny and sexism that pervaded our culture since my childhood and which are still rampant. I was not immune to their self-esteem-crushing effects, but have managed to find that fourth grade girl in me and great internal strength and fulfillment since my 40's.
11
1974, Carnegie-Mellon, 2nd semester of freshman architecture. 14 teams of 5 people were posted for one of the semester-long projects, designing and building a water tower that would raise and support 5 gallons of water, made from 1x2's. Ultimately, the only teams that would be successful included team members who had worked as carpenters and could find or fabricate metal parts to sheath those spindly 1x2's. But we didn't know that at the time. When my team met for the first time we were surprised to see that our team consisted of the 5 women in the class. We decided we would just show everyone how great we were, and build a successful tower. Except we didn't have the knowledge and experience of some of the other teams. When the women in the masters in architecture program saw that one team was all women they were furious at the faculty, but also at us. "Why didn't you tell us?" They asked. I hadn't even known there was a masters program or that there were women in it. I left the program and the school at the end of the semester and had a successful career for many years designing knit fabrics for mens clothes. Architecture was not a good fit for me, but I didn't get a fair shot at trying.
13
I thought I'd managed to live mostly unaffected by this, but that's because I'm young and haven't been through the bad old days. But now that I look back on my life, I realize there were indeed times when I was turned down or discriminated against because of my gender, but the idea seemed so ridiculous to me that I dismissed it because I though people were just joking. In college (Ivy League at that, in the early 2000s) I had a male friend who often joked about how women's place was not in college. My friends circle consisted of a bunch of boys, and myself. They all accepted me and we had adventures together, and this guy was my friend and otherwise cool about it, except he'd occasionally make comments like that. I always assumed he was joking. Until one day I asked him point blank. He tried to avoid answering, but finally said that, yes, he actually believed it. The Ivy school should not have accepted me because girls weren't as good as boys, but I got in because of "affirmative action" to make the school look good... That was when I "got it", for the first time. It brought back memories of so many other "jokes". All of a sudden it's like a curtain was lifted and I saw the ugly face of the real world. I cut all ties with the guy and never spoke to him again. It broke up our group, but whatever. Now I never assume the person means well and is just joking. Every joker is guilty until proven innocent.
27
I have a girl who is 19 months old. I don't dress her in clothes that announce "girl" and everyone I meet instantly assumes she is a boy, even mothers who also have young girls. Sexism runs very deep.
18
When I was growing up in the 1950's,my brother was a Cub Scout. His Cub Pack had a Field Day in the city park one Saturday. There were races for non-scouts, too. The younger brother of a Scout & I were the only runners in one race, staged according to age. Even though I won the race, we had to run three times until on the 3rd try, I was tired & the little brother won! I was supposed to be satisfied with the 2nd-place ribbon! When I was in high school in the early 1960's, the Principal decreed that the president & treasurer of the Student Council & of every class had to be male! We were supposed to be satisfied with VP or secretary!! When I graduated from college, employment agencies color-coded job applications according to gender! Newspaper employment want-ads were divided into Male Help Wanted & Female Help Wanted! Even the Times resisted unifying the help wanted ads.
20
How long, as an adult, can you keep blaming others for your life's disappointments? At some point we are the victim of ourselves more than others. Sure have a lot of whiners in this country...
5
we do, don't we? and they just elected Trump, because they think they are entitled to a place at the top of the pyramid due to their race, and regardless of their lack of intellect, ability, or talent
51
This sharing of stories is not about whining, and it is not about blaming others. Societal norms about gender appropriate roles that limit possibilities for girls and women take a lot to overcome, when that is even possible. It is better now than it was 20 years ago and that was better than it was 40 years ago. Many young women (and most men of any age) have no idea how damaging it is to grow up being told you couldn't do something in the world because of your gender. Many strong individuals persisted anyway. Some were not able to.
Things are better than they were, but we have a long way to go still. Just ask Hillary.
Things are better than they were, but we have a long way to go still. Just ask Hillary.
45
I married a man I expected had some ambition, and would certainly find a job. An Ivy League grad, military officer, and (when we met) working on his MA.
I finished my MA; he didn't finish his. I supported us both. He was depressed, inert. I was understanding. After 5 years he took a one-weekend a month job. A year later, a part-time job. Finally, when we'd been married 12 years, he took a full-time low wage job.
By then, sexism having precluded work in my first field, I'd earned an M.Ed. and was teaching, but we were still struggling financially. He'd joined the local school board. One night he came home pleased with himself: there's been a vote on whether or not to give teachers a raise.
He'd voted No.
"Why?"I asked, shocked. We now had 2 kids and I'd been looking forward to a slightly larger paycheck. He said, "If teachers got that raise, they'd be earning more than I do!"
There's more to my story, but it won't fit here. Use your imagination!
I finished my MA; he didn't finish his. I supported us both. He was depressed, inert. I was understanding. After 5 years he took a one-weekend a month job. A year later, a part-time job. Finally, when we'd been married 12 years, he took a full-time low wage job.
By then, sexism having precluded work in my first field, I'd earned an M.Ed. and was teaching, but we were still struggling financially. He'd joined the local school board. One night he came home pleased with himself: there's been a vote on whether or not to give teachers a raise.
He'd voted No.
"Why?"I asked, shocked. We now had 2 kids and I'd been looking forward to a slightly larger paycheck. He said, "If teachers got that raise, they'd be earning more than I do!"
There's more to my story, but it won't fit here. Use your imagination!
51
Oh please, let the ending be "Reader, I kicked him to the curb and never looked back!"
16
I wasn't allowed to take woodshop or drafting; I had to take cooking and sewing - and I was better at both than my teacher That meant I couldn't take the follow-up courses in high school. So much for being an architect.
19
As a freshman in high school (1965), I wanted to take shop, and had already been using hand tools at home. Instead, they forced me to take home ec, where we "learned" how to broil grapefruits and sew aprons.
18
In third grade in 1960, Mr. Gordon accused me of cheating on a math test (all right answers except for one) because the boy seated next to me had the exact same answers on his test, and "obviously" it must have been the girl who cheated off the boy because everyone knows it's boys who are good in math--unstated, but I understood. Before that, I didn't even know that people did cheat off of one another's tests--it was a totally foreign concept to me. (And this was in spite of the school having previously advocated for skipping me ahead a grade, something my parents had refused.)
28
We lived in Los Angeles, but my dad often had government work in Washington DC so my mom and I would go with him if it was during the summer. I loved to fly on airplanes, and to me it was always a great adventure. Once, in about 1951 or 1952, my dad arranged for me to get a little tour of the cockpit. The pilot was so nice to me. He showed me all the buttons and explained what they were for. I was thrilled! I told my parents that when I grew up I wanted to be a pilot. I meant it with all my heart! They said that girls couldn't be pilots, but that I could be a stewardess instead. I was only 6 or 7, but I was crushed in a way that has never healed.
23
As a teenager in the 60's, I hung around the Top 40 radio station my father owned, and I loved watching the DJ's spin records, talk on air between songs, and produce commercials. In college around 1970, I decided I wanted to have my own show spinning records at my college radio station. I studied for the 3rd Class radio operator's license, which was required to operate radio equipment, and headed miles away to the closest FCC office to take the license exam. I entered a waiting room filled with men and was greeted with stares and snickers. One of them turned to me and said, with a sneer, "What do YOU want a 3rd Class radio operator's license for?"
After we finished taking the exam, we were sent back to the waiting room to await our results. The examiner appeared in the doorway and began calling names and announcing "Pass" or "Fail" with each name. After a few "passes" and many "fails" announced for men before me, my name was called with "Pass." I've never forgotten the smug satisfaction I felt at that moment in that room, which was no longer filled with snickers and sneers directed at me, but rather looks of amazement and embarrassment at being shown up by a "girl".
After we finished taking the exam, we were sent back to the waiting room to await our results. The examiner appeared in the doorway and began calling names and announcing "Pass" or "Fail" with each name. After a few "passes" and many "fails" announced for men before me, my name was called with "Pass." I've never forgotten the smug satisfaction I felt at that moment in that room, which was no longer filled with snickers and sneers directed at me, but rather looks of amazement and embarrassment at being shown up by a "girl".
24
I wanted to be an "altar boy" and was told absolutely not by my parents and by the nuns and the priests of my parish. So I asked what else could I do that would "be like" being an altar boy? My mother said I could pray; the priests told me I could wash their breakfast dishes. My father said, "Do math. It's way more interesting." The nuns said, "Be kind to your brothers." ( I had three brothers and three sisters. The nuns focused only on the boys). I left the church about 30 years ago and never looked back.
31
I was in college and went to speak with a professor (White male) about graduate school. After I told him of my intentions, he plainly told me that I would not make it through a doctorate program because it was too hard. He told me that I was articulate and should consider Communications. I sat there stunned and got up to leave his office. I don't know if he said that because of my race (Black) or gender (female) but I was furious. Well, I did earn a doctorate and am now a professor. I saw this person at a conference years after that incident while I was a doctoral student. I fought the urge to slap him and walked past him instead.
28
First woman in the Mechanical Engineering course in my University (in Europe, not the US). Graduated 2nd in my year. Was told by my (male) adviser that I "wasn't Master's Degree material". A man who graduated middle of the class went on to do his masters's no problem. My problem was that I believed what I was told!
Went on to a successful career in an entirely different field, but often wonder what my life would have been if I'd not "listened" to the man who ran me off the advanced degree track.
Went on to a successful career in an entirely different field, but often wonder what my life would have been if I'd not "listened" to the man who ran me off the advanced degree track.
24
2001. I had elected to knock out some GE courses at a community college before heading to a more expensive 4-year. My Mom, worried lest I become a career community college student, was pushing me to take at least 18 units, that would be 5 courses, chemistry, physics, calculus, and two more, on top of holding down a job. While performing a pre-transfer audit with a school counselor I complained about the workload, seeking some kind of sympathy. The (woman) counselor looked at me aghast, saying my Mom should be thankful her daughter, a woman, was even considering going into engineering. I guess her heart was in the right place, but it really wasn't the sympathy I was looking for.
Never before or since has my gender been considered as relevant to my career choice. I'm thankful to the women who came before me, breaking glass ceilings to the point that I, as the first of the millennial wave entering college, could be totally naive that engineering had at one time not been considered an appropriate course of study for a young woman (and thankful that my mom raised me entirely free from any bias that she might have grown up with, she's a rockstar!).
Never before or since has my gender been considered as relevant to my career choice. I'm thankful to the women who came before me, breaking glass ceilings to the point that I, as the first of the millennial wave entering college, could be totally naive that engineering had at one time not been considered an appropriate course of study for a young woman (and thankful that my mom raised me entirely free from any bias that she might have grown up with, she's a rockstar!).
13
In 1982 I was a single mother of two children. My severely disabled mother received no type of aid because she had once held a job 11 years earlier. She was fighting the denial of her disability claim in court. My dad had just been given less than 6 months to live and was placed in Hospice Care. I was the sole support for these 4 people and I lost my job because the insurance company I worked for went bankrupt. My dad wanted to move back to Texas so he could be near siblings and my 12 son was fully engaged in cross country cycling. I moved to Kerrville, Texas. I applied to the electric utility company for a meter-reader's job. I had no doubt I could do that and the pay scale would allow me to maintain the four people who were dependent on me living in the same apartment nearly next door to the hospital. I was their only source of income and working as housekeeper because, regardless of my certifications and experience, nobody knew me. Small town mindset. I cleaned houses, did laundry and ironing, prepared meals for family of 4 for a week at a time for less than minimum wage. I passed my first interview and was called back for the second. Then there was the third with the supervisor. When I called back to find out why they had not called me I was told that the supervisor had the decided to hire the 26 year old man because he had a wife and two children to support but if I wanted to apply for woman's job there might be an opening soon as one of phone clerks was pregnant.
26
I was asked repeatedly how fast I could type. // In 8th grade, I did my "Career Notebook" project on becoming a physician. The male doctor I interviewed told me, "Women doctors just play at being doctors." // In high school, I was in the marching band. I was shocked to learn that many well-respected colleges' marching bands were male only. (Cal, I'm looking at you.)
17
I played on a neighborhood baseball team until the summer of '56 when the boys were old enough to join the Little League. I spent the summer alone but I wrote a letter to President Eisenhower asking if we could have a girl's softball team. He never wrote back. Ellen, 70
15
In 2007, I was 24 years old and working at UC Berkeley. I had a BS (highest honors) from the one of top three public universities in the country and an MS by the time I was 23. I was great at my job. A professor at Berkeley, who commended my work to my boss and the higher ups in the department, offered me his advice on whether or not I should apply for PhD programs: He said, "do it now, before you become an old maid". This is NOT how a man would have been advised.
His comment changed the way I pursued my career, academics, and how I prioritized them in relation with other things in life (i.e. finding a partner and having children). I think he meant well. He was trying to say "I think you can succeed", but it came out as a statement about my declining, not growing, value with age and experience. I was too vulnerable and lacked the confidence to see that at the time. It forever changed my course.
His comment changed the way I pursued my career, academics, and how I prioritized them in relation with other things in life (i.e. finding a partner and having children). I think he meant well. He was trying to say "I think you can succeed", but it came out as a statement about my declining, not growing, value with age and experience. I was too vulnerable and lacked the confidence to see that at the time. It forever changed my course.
20
I was brought up the eldest of three girls in a progressive family, and was never told I couldn't do anything. I became a successful professional woman and all was well. Until it wasn't. Boy did that glass ceiling hurt!! What a headache. Much worse because I had no idea it was coming. I try to be a better mentor that than my idealistic parents. I tell young women in my profession to toughen up, grow a thick skin, cultivate self respect, plan carefully, and watch their backs.
32
I just can't believe the misogyny that still exists!
I've known brilliant mathematicians and programmers since the 1960's. I remember one company's ad for programmers in the middle sixties. One was a young woman and the other was a young man.
Oh, by the way, the first programmers were often women. Look up Admiral Grace Murray Hopper. I was privileged a few times to listen to her imaginative view of the future. In the era of computers the size of commercial refrigerators she predicted computers on the back of desks. Later she gave out tiny wires before personal computers existed.
I've known brilliant mathematicians and programmers since the 1960's. I remember one company's ad for programmers in the middle sixties. One was a young woman and the other was a young man.
Oh, by the way, the first programmers were often women. Look up Admiral Grace Murray Hopper. I was privileged a few times to listen to her imaginative view of the future. In the era of computers the size of commercial refrigerators she predicted computers on the back of desks. Later she gave out tiny wires before personal computers existed.
12
Thank you. This moved me to tears.
At age 10, I was asked at a large family gathering what I wanted to be. I said I wanted to go into politics. Everyone around the table laughed at me, and my aunt said, "Politics! How ridiculous. You're a girl."
I swallowed hard and fought back tears of shame. The worst part was that I did not realize they were wrong. I was embarrassed but not angry. I thought it was simply another instance of grown-ups explaining something children didn't yet understand, like the way gravity works. Just a law of nature. I accepted it and felt stupid. And therein lies the problem.
At age 10, I was asked at a large family gathering what I wanted to be. I said I wanted to go into politics. Everyone around the table laughed at me, and my aunt said, "Politics! How ridiculous. You're a girl."
I swallowed hard and fought back tears of shame. The worst part was that I did not realize they were wrong. I was embarrassed but not angry. I thought it was simply another instance of grown-ups explaining something children didn't yet understand, like the way gravity works. Just a law of nature. I accepted it and felt stupid. And therein lies the problem.
32
I grew up in the 50's and 60's, when the old ways were fairly intact. My parents were proud of me, and encouraged me to do well in school and other endeavors, which I did. However, my mother did not allow me to express opinions, for fear of "hurting the other person's feelings" and basically dismissed me as someone with independent views and stands. In our home, the men ruled, and we had to obey. I had zero guidance on how to defend myself, take a position and carve out a career in a competitive society. I was completely stifled. I had to be nice, above all, and pretty. At age 65, I am still struggling with this command. I've accomplished quite a bit and am proud of my life, but I stopped myself many, many times from being a whole person and taking up as much space as a man. I often wonder what might have been, especially after age 50, when I could no longer find professional work.
It's hard to explain this to people. It's more complicated than being told you can be who you want. There are so many, many contradictory and negative influences, and they are still at work today.
It's hard to explain this to people. It's more complicated than being told you can be who you want. There are so many, many contradictory and negative influences, and they are still at work today.
33
I never sat down. As soon as I walked into the room to attend the high school tennis preseason meeting, the coach stopped me and refused to let me stay. Other students were seated and more were coming through the door. But they were not told to leave. They were boys and I was a girl and this was the spring of 1972.
A few months later Congress passed Title IX, an anti-discrimination law which helped fuel an explosion in athletic opportunities for women and girls. Although schools had six years to abide by the law, many schools inched forward. With the joint effort of one of the physical education teachers and girls in the intramural program, we organized interscholastic sport seasons for girls. Opportunities were better, but still not fair. The girls basketball teams shared the smaller gym with the boys junior varsity, while the boys varsity possessed the bigger and better gym. Most teams had no uniforms. We had coaches with no training and outdoor track timers who insisted I run an extra lap in the mile. But athletic opportunities for women provided more than the pleasure of participation; they provided the opportunity to develop life skills in leadership and being a team member, confidence, and the ability to deal with setbacks and injustices. I went on to compete in multiple sports, while studying mathematics and obtaining a PhD. I applied my life lessons learned through athletic activities, including the fight to be able to participate, to the foundation of who I am.
A few months later Congress passed Title IX, an anti-discrimination law which helped fuel an explosion in athletic opportunities for women and girls. Although schools had six years to abide by the law, many schools inched forward. With the joint effort of one of the physical education teachers and girls in the intramural program, we organized interscholastic sport seasons for girls. Opportunities were better, but still not fair. The girls basketball teams shared the smaller gym with the boys junior varsity, while the boys varsity possessed the bigger and better gym. Most teams had no uniforms. We had coaches with no training and outdoor track timers who insisted I run an extra lap in the mile. But athletic opportunities for women provided more than the pleasure of participation; they provided the opportunity to develop life skills in leadership and being a team member, confidence, and the ability to deal with setbacks and injustices. I went on to compete in multiple sports, while studying mathematics and obtaining a PhD. I applied my life lessons learned through athletic activities, including the fight to be able to participate, to the foundation of who I am.
13
In seventh grade, i wanted to play basketball on the boy's team because there was no girl's team. It was a small, rural school in Oregon and there were only eight or nine boys interested, almost all of whom I had played against at lunch on the playground and knew I could hang with them. I went to the seventh-grade coach, the cool dude with bell bottoms and mutton chops, and asked if I could try out. He said the only way I could play is if I had a "sex change" operation. I went home that night and asked my parents to make an appointment with a doctor.
14
I grew up in a small town in rural East Tennessee. My dream as a young girl was to become a physician. When I was in middle school I sent away for information on how to become a pediatrician from a Girl Scout magazine, as there was no concept of a STEM curriculum in 1976. My high school senior counselor (a male) told me girls don't "need to be doctors". The words stung me--but made me work even harder towards my goal. I volunteered as a "candy striper" in a ridiculous short skirt at our local hospital so I could learn about the laboratory and the physicians (all male) who worked there. I cannot tell you how hard it was overcoming my background (poor schools, limited opportunities for women, etc) to get to my ultimate goal of being a doctor. Fortunately I had very progressive parents--my father was years ahead of his time--who supported me and encouraged through some very dark times. I am now an MD, PhD, living in Ann Arbor, working in a high functioning, progressive integrated network of physicians from a myriad of specialties. I look back and see how this high school counselor actually changed the course of my life. And I remain eternally grateful to my working class parents, especially my father, who bought me my first leather briefcase when I was accepted into medical school. To this day, the memory brings tears to my eyes.
55
A wonderful story. Thank you.
17
My father always said that "ladies don't bite their nails" and I had a bad nail-biting habit. That's it.
I did always wonder whether I could pass military boot camp, not the simplified PC version that exists for women today, I mean the real version that men go through. Oh well, I am too old to join the military now..
I did always wonder whether I could pass military boot camp, not the simplified PC version that exists for women today, I mean the real version that men go through. Oh well, I am too old to join the military now..
3
Just before my 1990 university graduation ceremony, I proudly came out of my room wearing my cap and gown. I was so thrilled to have achieved this pinnacle -- high honors from the best accounting program in the nation and a high paying job waiting for me at one of the prestigious "big 8" accounting firms (during a recession, no less). I did a twirl in my cap and gown and asked, "Mom, what do you think?" I was hoping to hear that my cap was on straight. Instead I got: "Thirty-five thousand people at this school, and you couldn't find a husband!" as she disgustedly turned away. I've never had such a punch in the gut as that.
48
One of my girlfriends at one of the best colleges in the country was told she could only attend college if she had a good prospect for a husband by sophmore year.
7
You're not the only one to have your own mother punch you in the gut that way. One of my friends got her PhD and subsequently wrote a best-selling book. Her mother came to visit and said, "Those things are nice, dear, but when are you going to get married?"
15
Last week, while entering an office building, I held the door open for a middle aged woman and she spat on me! "I don't need you to open doors for me!" So much for chivalry in the land of hyper-liberalism. Being the middle-aged, white male that I am, I wondered if she would have spat on me if I were an undocumented immigrant or Syrian refugee..? Just wondering...
10
Maybe she was smarting over Clinton'S election loss. A lot of us are a little testy right now.
6
I'm sorry. I don't mind people holding doors for me. Or holding doors myself. Thanks for being courteous, anyway.
20
I am very sorry that happened to you. Courtesy is something we need more of, not less.
18
These stories sound so much like mine. In 1972, when I was the top student in my high school, my guidance counselor directed me away from an academic career towards teaching or nursing. He also told me that I would be wise to start acting less intelligent if I ever wanted to get married. I learned from that not to assume that other people know better than I do, and that authority does not necessarily equal wisdom or truth. This has served me well in my career as an NIH-funded scientist and a professor at UCLA. My daughter just finished her PhD in biology and has benefited from my experience.
13
It was 2002, and I was a senior in high school in southern Indiana. A group of about 20 student took a school trip to Indianapolis to visit the Indiana State Capitol. During that trip, I was informed that I had received a scholarship through my history/social studies pursuits in high school. After the announcement, as we were preparing to leave, a mother who had served as a chaperone on the trip congratulated me on receiving the scholarship. She asked what I planned to study in college, which at the time was French and Japanese. Without missing a beat, she replied that those were great areas because I could then become a teacher and stay home with my children during the summer. I had received the teacher response insistently. (Why was that the only profession that was ever suggested to me, why not business?) But, for her to also define my life at age 17 as needing to anticipate future children still shocks me today. At that age, I hadn't even lived. Why would I determine my career for some future I couldn't have even articulated? Would she have given the same response to a boy?
12
We I was about (to be allowed) to gone on dates, my mother warned me not to talk about books or civil rights or "any of that mess."
"Talk about sports. Boys like sports." This was in the dark ages, 1960, and in the South (Virginia). But still.....
"Talk about sports. Boys like sports." This was in the dark ages, 1960, and in the South (Virginia). But still.....
9
When I was in middle school in the 1960s, we took an aptitude test. I did well in math and science. I was told this was not suitable for a girl and I should be excelling in home making activities. When I was a senior in high school, my brother advocated that I not go to college because it would be a waste of time and money. In 1980 I completed a master's degree in science from Duke University and, since, have had a successful, fulfilling career in healthcare.
16
As a boy in the 3th grade, in a small town in India, I once lost a recitation competition to a girl. It sort of naturally came to me that she was well prepared and quite better than I was.
My Mom always fixed bulbs at home and she taught me how to repair a fuse in case of a short circuit. My electrical engineer Dad was always afraid of being hands on with circuitry and was tethered to theory, and not practice. She was way better with gadgets.
I lost a debate competition to a girl in 9th grade whose citations on references were pristine; and whose delivery was patient and calm. I hurried sometimes and lost track of my points. It quite naturally came to me that she was better.
Three of my friends (all boys) of our school went to seek advice on what books to refer; how to prepare for an engineering exam that a girl excelled from our school the year before. Her guidance helped one friend receive a PhD from Northwestern later.
My first two bosses in the US were women; one had a PhD from Cornell in Physics and the second, a Masters in Mathematics. They always cared about my progress and helped me with genuine feedback on aspects I needed more work on.
I always think that people, who discourage girls, do not have the power of observation themselves. They lack critical thinking. I am glad that I have had so many instances of losing to women, starting first in 3rd grade. It was always a pleasure to lose to the best.
My Mom always fixed bulbs at home and she taught me how to repair a fuse in case of a short circuit. My electrical engineer Dad was always afraid of being hands on with circuitry and was tethered to theory, and not practice. She was way better with gadgets.
I lost a debate competition to a girl in 9th grade whose citations on references were pristine; and whose delivery was patient and calm. I hurried sometimes and lost track of my points. It quite naturally came to me that she was better.
Three of my friends (all boys) of our school went to seek advice on what books to refer; how to prepare for an engineering exam that a girl excelled from our school the year before. Her guidance helped one friend receive a PhD from Northwestern later.
My first two bosses in the US were women; one had a PhD from Cornell in Physics and the second, a Masters in Mathematics. They always cared about my progress and helped me with genuine feedback on aspects I needed more work on.
I always think that people, who discourage girls, do not have the power of observation themselves. They lack critical thinking. I am glad that I have had so many instances of losing to women, starting first in 3rd grade. It was always a pleasure to lose to the best.
51
Age 63, in high school I asked the guidance for information on jobs at the FBI. They only had one brochure in the file for "girls" and I remember it distinctly: "Jobs for Women at the FBI"
You could be either a secretary or a stenographer. That was it.
So then I decided I was interested in architecture. I signed up for drafting class and was told that was only for boys. Guess what? I protested and became the first girl admitted to that class and the pre-engineering classes! Small glass ceiling broken.
You could be either a secretary or a stenographer. That was it.
So then I decided I was interested in architecture. I signed up for drafting class and was told that was only for boys. Guess what? I protested and became the first girl admitted to that class and the pre-engineering classes! Small glass ceiling broken.
15
I was told that girls could not join the town chess team even thought was played on the school team. Complained to my neighbor and he started an all girl's town team. He also told the town to find another meeting spot for the boy's team (he owned the place they met).
8
I was in the elevator at work with a high level male colleague when he asked what I was doing this weekend. I told him that I was going on a camping, to which he replied "Well, you don't look like a camper" while giving me an obvious once over. Well, this girl who wears heels and designer dresses to work is also Wilderness First Responder certified with 3 years of experience as a professional outdoor trip leader. I completed my first backcountry backpacking trip at 9 and continue to follow my passion for the outdoors to this day. He didn't use the word "girl" at any point but it couldn't have been more clear what he meant.
9
I was in my senior year at university, having done a degree in political science. I wanted to go to grad school and asked a professor for a letter of recommendation. I had taken a few courses with him and done well so I didn't imagine it would be an issue. He told me that he did not see why I wanted to bother applying to grad school since I would only get married. I was quite shocked and replied that I had not been asked yet. It turned out that although I was accepted at more than one US university I could not go for finanacial reasons. At the time it was required that an enormous amount of money be deposited to guarantee that I would not need any aid from the US, other than any scholarship or bursary given to me by the respective school. I didn't go and went to work with my BA. It was the early '70s and women were not supported to be career oriented. In my late 30s I applied and was accepted at a very prestigious law school. That would have been unheard of ten years earlier as one only girl in my class went to law school. She was the daughter of a wealthy lawyer. Women law students were rare then and now are more than half of the student body of most law schools, I understand. I still remember how much that professor's response to me stung and that he thought nothing of the sexism it implied.
11
When I was 8 years old, we lived on a military base. The boys on our block played “army” whenever they got a chance. This involved building forts in the woods and other fun stuff, and I wanted to join. When I asked, they said I had to go through “initiation.” (This made sense to me, kind of like basic training.) What that meant, though, was being taken to a clearing in the nearby woods and pinned down while my underpants were removed and all the boys checked out what I looked like “down there”. When they finally let me up, I ran home crying and never told anyone out of shame and embarrassment. Needless to say, I no longer wanted to be part of their “army”. In fact, I buried the memory for another 15 years…
When I was in college in the early 70’s, I took first year Physics with a fascinating professor who used Richard Feynman’s (then brand new) physics course. I did well, and was so interested that I seriously considered becoming a physicist. When I took the next course in Physics of Relativity, I was the only woman in a class of 40-50 men. What demoralized me, and led to the end of my dreams of becoming a physicist, was continual anti-woman comments by the professor. (I remember him describing the spin of atoms as being right or left-handed using the analogy of a screwdriver. He then ‘quipped’ leeringly that a woman wouldn’t understand the meaning of a “right hand screw” – big laugh from all the other students, and red face for me.) I changed majors to Biology.
When I was in college in the early 70’s, I took first year Physics with a fascinating professor who used Richard Feynman’s (then brand new) physics course. I did well, and was so interested that I seriously considered becoming a physicist. When I took the next course in Physics of Relativity, I was the only woman in a class of 40-50 men. What demoralized me, and led to the end of my dreams of becoming a physicist, was continual anti-woman comments by the professor. (I remember him describing the spin of atoms as being right or left-handed using the analogy of a screwdriver. He then ‘quipped’ leeringly that a woman wouldn’t understand the meaning of a “right hand screw” – big laugh from all the other students, and red face for me.) I changed majors to Biology.
16
This makes me furious on your behalf, particularly the childhood incident, or assault, however you prefer to think of it.
Shame is their most effective weapon and most dangerous tool in keeping women down.
I read somewhere (in a children's book, actually) that being a hero might not be so much about bravery as about hanging on despite embarrassment and humiliation. It sounds odd I know, but strangely, applies to many situations described here. Men often try to humiliate women out of their ambitions.
Shame is their most effective weapon and most dangerous tool in keeping women down.
I read somewhere (in a children's book, actually) that being a hero might not be so much about bravery as about hanging on despite embarrassment and humiliation. It sounds odd I know, but strangely, applies to many situations described here. Men often try to humiliate women out of their ambitions.
17
When I was about 10 years old my dentist told my mother and me that if I didn't get braces I would never be married. I got a new dentist, and never got braces. I thought maybe my dentist was right, but I got married at age 40. No one has ever commented on my teeth.
7
Thanks for the wonderful and inspiring article. However, I find it very sad that there weren't many articles like this one in the media before the election took place. At least if there were, I missed them.
9
just a guess, but I expect the idea was to run these stories only when the inspiring story of the first female president could be a counterbalance to the other grim realities described here.
another miscalculation on the part of the Times, they were instead running pre-election stories about how feminism has angered men and hurt their feelings. Did it help Trump?
another miscalculation on the part of the Times, they were instead running pre-election stories about how feminism has angered men and hurt their feelings. Did it help Trump?
6
My mother -- born 1936 was told by her parents that they would not support her college education if she studied math, and insisted that she study Home Economics. She did it, but then later received her credentials to teach math, computer science, English, physical education and (of course) home economics.
9
...by my mum that I couldn't take a printing apprenticeship that I was offered. "Girls aren't printers - men are!".
The printing trade was dirty and mechanical - it would have suited my "mechanical" mind to a T, however, It was the early sixties and my mum, a lovely kind person, was just espousing the norms of the day. Needless to say I was "steered" into a more female-appropriate profession which has stood me in good stead over the years. Later on in life I volunteered as a bush firefighter for many years - I loved the dirt and the mechanics of it all!
The printing trade was dirty and mechanical - it would have suited my "mechanical" mind to a T, however, It was the early sixties and my mum, a lovely kind person, was just espousing the norms of the day. Needless to say I was "steered" into a more female-appropriate profession which has stood me in good stead over the years. Later on in life I volunteered as a bush firefighter for many years - I loved the dirt and the mechanics of it all!
6
In the early 80s I was trying to chose what field in which to go for a Master's degree. My husband taught in a public university in the Midwest so I made an appointment with the Chair of the Business Department. He cordially shook my hand as I sat down. I explained my goal regarding studying for an MBA but wanted to know about the prerequisites since my BA was in education. I remember his words as if they were spoken yesterday.
"Here is what I tell my girls. Become a secretary for a few years. If you like it, then come back and see me."
"Here is what I tell my girls. Become a secretary for a few years. If you like it, then come back and see me."
10
i went for an interview at a now defunct but then prestigious new york magazine. the interviewer (a woman!) told me that they had an opening as assistant editor, and i was very well qualified for that, but they only gave those jobs to men. they gave women secretarial jobs, and right now there were none of those. so good-bye.
walking out the door i told myself i was self-employed henceforth. and have been now for 50 years.
walking out the door i told myself i was self-employed henceforth. and have been now for 50 years.
9
I was told: "Although the man who had the job before you got $10. per hour, you're getting $7:00 for the same job. That's final".
11
Reading these comments brought me to tears. All of us--the accumulation of grief and broken dreams, the volume of talent wasted or stunted. God bless the women who fought on and triumphed.
25
When I was a seventh grader in 2006, my teacher persuaded me to enter a small regional competition in general math. When I got to the testing room, I saw about 30 boys and not a single fellow girl. I remember the proctor doing the same sweep around the room and saying "all right boys...and girl...let's get started." I won the competition. I hadn't been discouraged or belittled by my teacher or my teammates, but what about all the missing girls? Maybe one of them would have beaten me if she'd made it in the room.
21
Thirty-five years ago, with a few years of business experience, a still-sparkling Ph.D., a 2-year-old son (and a husband, also with a Ph.D., who encouraged me by pledging -- and later following through on that promise -- to move wherever my career ambitions might take me), I began to send out resumes. I determined rather quickly that I'd get better response if I used "Pat," rather than "Patricia" on those documents. The President of the company I eventually went to work for phoned for a preliminary interview. It happened that my husband answered the telephone, so the gentleman asked if he was "speaking to Pat." He seemed quite flummoxed when my husband answered, "No, but I'll get my wife for you, she's right here." His first response was, "No, I want to speak with Pat." He did speak with me, though, and I was soon hired for the management position I wanted.
11
Did anyone mention how the FBI perjury party was required to convict Martha Stewart for a Christmas season back-office stop loss order execution?
8
I wanted to be a veterinarian and was also interested in psychology and writing. But my father would only pay for college if it was " practical".
I got into Boston University College of Nursing because I wanted to leave my home state but didn't want to be a nurse .
I switched majors to psychology not knowing he would find out. He wasn't going to pay my tuition so I made the best of it-rationalizing at least I was away from that home .
Still-it's never too late .Maybe for school but not for other fulfilling work.
On a totally different note-there was a women's professional basketball team here. My preadolescent son had longer hair and was very cute. He asked to be a " ball girl". They let him.
After realizing their "mistake" they loved him and let him stay-so non sexist was he.
I got into Boston University College of Nursing because I wanted to leave my home state but didn't want to be a nurse .
I switched majors to psychology not knowing he would find out. He wasn't going to pay my tuition so I made the best of it-rationalizing at least I was away from that home .
Still-it's never too late .Maybe for school but not for other fulfilling work.
On a totally different note-there was a women's professional basketball team here. My preadolescent son had longer hair and was very cute. He asked to be a " ball girl". They let him.
After realizing their "mistake" they loved him and let him stay-so non sexist was he.
11
My wife's father told her that if he lost his job that she was expected to drop out of college and get a job to pay for her younger brother's college tuition. Needless to say, she was not very happy about that and relieved when her father did not loose his job.
9
When I was in college, my older sister told me women couldn't be hired if they majored in biology, so I switched. After graduation, I was told by an employment agency in Washington D.C. that if I couldn't type and take shorthand they couldn't help me find a job. After being employed in planning, personnel and expediting clothing shipments in a women's sportswear manufacturer in Ssan Francisco I was denied even applying at a company that paid more because they only hired men for that work.
5
My father ran the science club at my elementary school. I wasn't allowed to join because science was not for girls. I was editor-in-chief of my college newspaper in NYC but in 1968 NYC newspapers didn't consider women for editorial jobs (I'm talking to you, New York Times). In my first post-college job they hired me an assistant, male, and paid him 50 percent more than I made. I was a top NYC inspector in pest control but could not move up to the next level because it was only open to men. Ditto investigator for the Transit Authority. When I moved to Albany in 1976 I was denied jobs with the State because--although the times were changing--they "already had a woman." (I went back three years later with another graduate degree, and got that damn job--and hired more women)
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Just yesterday, my sister and I started sharing stories of the casual gropings and daily indignities we had silently endured in offices, on the street, in schools and subways, for so many years. I thought it had stopped only because we're old.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Just yesterday, my sister and I started sharing stories of the casual gropings and daily indignities we had silently endured in offices, on the street, in schools and subways, for so many years. I thought it had stopped only because we're old.
23
When I was a senior in boarding school (1968) I was school president with excellent grades and test scores. I was admitted to Radcliffe and Pembroke (then the women's college at Brown). When I asked my college counselor how I should choose, she said, "It doesn't really matter, dear. If you go to Radcliffe, you will marry a Harvard man. If you go to Pembroke, you will marry a Brown man." I now have a PhD in Organizational Behavior and am Senior Partner at a family business advisory firm.
10
In my undergrad years at Wellesley (class of 1971) we were encouraged to believe we could do anything we chose to (with the tacit understanding we needed to be three times better at it than men). However, in my sophomore year (when Hillary was our student body president) the dean of architecture at MIT told a group of us visiting there that women had no business being architects. I never forgot it and it discouraged me from architecture; fortunately another (and probably better) path unfolded.
10
Males would only be interested in me for one reason: sex. That just does wonders for a ten-year-old-child's self esteem, let me tell ya.
12
"Sex" with a 10 year old child is rape
3
I couldn't take shop and had to have special permission to take mechanical drawing (I got the highest grade). I could always fix or assemble anything.
I was so happy when after assembling the hot-wheels, my son told his friend that he was lucky because his mom could build things.
I was so happy when after assembling the hot-wheels, my son told his friend that he was lucky because his mom could build things.
13
my mom told me if I stayed home and went to the local college that my brother could go to a better school. My mom also told me that if I stayed home she would get me a car... I went away to school! I'm 60 now. ..
11
when I was born my father said "Oh good, we don't have to save money for college." I paid for it myself - took 6 years. Today. my parents encourage all their graandchildren to get some kind of post-high school education. Times are changing, albeit slowly.
12
My boss told me, a single mom of three, that he would always pay men better than women because "Men have families to pay for."
12
Every one of these stories offers a resource for teachers to discuss fairness with their classes, especially young boys. I too was an angry girl in the 1950's and later; however, I do believe kids will respond to real-life conversations about justice.
11
I also think these stories are a resource. They are lived history.
9
These are all good stories. However, how much good, effective strategies for raising boys has come out of the feminist movement? Boys are genetically and hormonally different from girls starting in the womb. Feminists have been in denial about biology for 50 years. Boys require different socialization strategies than girls...they are not equal at birth in terms of built-in instinctual behaviors.
Boys who grow up to be mature, masculine guys by the time of college are told, in a very supportive way, all about the primate impulses they can expect to feel, and are coached by parents on how to overrule certain instincts using higher brain powers (impulse control). Further, parents coach these boys that impulse control is degraded by alcohol overconsumption, stress, fatigue, drugs...and that these are red flags for losing self-control. Parents rehearse their boys on how they'll handle strong impulses to dominate a girl, demean her, strike her, force sex on her, etc. These boys are not surprised when such impulses arise, and can switch to socially unharmful behavior -- because they were prepared.
Unfortunately, boys are at a big disadvantage being raised by single moms. There is no adult man who can bring a mature masculine perspective. Moms don't experience testosterone-fueled aggression, and therefore are somewhat in the dark about aggressive male behavior -- it is not enough to know they don't like it! Reacting negatively doesn't work.
Boys who grow up to be mature, masculine guys by the time of college are told, in a very supportive way, all about the primate impulses they can expect to feel, and are coached by parents on how to overrule certain instincts using higher brain powers (impulse control). Further, parents coach these boys that impulse control is degraded by alcohol overconsumption, stress, fatigue, drugs...and that these are red flags for losing self-control. Parents rehearse their boys on how they'll handle strong impulses to dominate a girl, demean her, strike her, force sex on her, etc. These boys are not surprised when such impulses arise, and can switch to socially unharmful behavior -- because they were prepared.
Unfortunately, boys are at a big disadvantage being raised by single moms. There is no adult man who can bring a mature masculine perspective. Moms don't experience testosterone-fueled aggression, and therefore are somewhat in the dark about aggressive male behavior -- it is not enough to know they don't like it! Reacting negatively doesn't work.
2
Yeah, without a father, there can't possibly be any male role models in a kid's life. I wonder how it is that I have lots of male friends and students who were raised by single moms but who don't seem to struggle much with trying not to force themselves on girls.
10
I was told by an art collector that he wasn't interested in purchasing any women's artwork, including mine, because it never was going to be important enough.
10
Growing up in the 50s and 60s, I had experiences similar to many already published, but I had a father who encouraged me to break all kinds of gender barriers. When I took flying lessons, he told me I could become the first woman airline pilot...or even astronaut. When I joined the Navy, he said I could become the first woman Chief of Naval Operations. While women have attained these milestones (except for CNO), I did have a small part in putting a crack in the glass ceiling of women on combatant ships, by being in the first group of 50 women officers to serve aboard ship. My career ended a little too early for me to attain CNO, but I am thankful my father was way ahead of his time, and encouraged me to pursue anything!
21
Great story about a dad encouraging a daughter. Thanks for sharing it.
6
I was in tears reading this. Not from the sexist "You can't do X because you are a girl," but from the strength, the power, the determination so many of these girls and women showed to do what THEY wanted to do. These are strong people, and strong people (female or male) make the world a better place.
34
Exactly.
3
This one is a true crime story. Two men started a business converting vans to RVs.(The 70s). They hired a woman to run the office, do the books, and eventually she learned to fill in on every job in the plant. By that time they had 30 employees. Then one day they brought her a young man and told her to train him to do everything she did. He was going to be the new Office Manager. Bewildered, she did as she was told. Then, making out the checks, she discovered he was being paid way more than she ever earned. That night when the plant was closed she used her keys to go in. She set up the welding gas tanks so they exploded and burned the whole place down. No one hurt. They sent her to prison. She said it was worth it.
17
When I was a little girl, perhaps eight or nine, I remember hearing some of my aunts discussing the situation of their friend's daughter. Apparently the young woman wanted to be a lawyer. They though this was a ridiculous idea. "Imagine being pregnant and arguing a case in court!" they said. I wasn't sure why that would be so terrible, but I thought that perhaps they were right, and it was indeed silly to want to be a lawyer if you were a girl.
The message was clear. The courtroom was no place for a woman, particularly a Hispanic one. It took me years to discard those internalized thought, and to admit my own interest in the legal profession. At age 55 I graduated from law school and passed the California bar exam. I will be 70 years old next month, and I like to joke that only recently was I dropped from the "Young Lawyers" section of the American Bar Association! At my age I should be thinking of retiring, but I just can't let go of this hard earned privilege.
My modest solo practice has given me great fulfillment and freedom. One of the things that I love the most is hearing young women say that I have inspired them. Though it embarrass me a little, I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity to show others the way.
The message was clear. The courtroom was no place for a woman, particularly a Hispanic one. It took me years to discard those internalized thought, and to admit my own interest in the legal profession. At age 55 I graduated from law school and passed the California bar exam. I will be 70 years old next month, and I like to joke that only recently was I dropped from the "Young Lawyers" section of the American Bar Association! At my age I should be thinking of retiring, but I just can't let go of this hard earned privilege.
My modest solo practice has given me great fulfillment and freedom. One of the things that I love the most is hearing young women say that I have inspired them. Though it embarrass me a little, I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity to show others the way.
41
There doesn't have to be an expiration date on a dream. Thanks for your great story!
8
I guess this article is in support of women's right to equality and is prominent in today's circumstances where a women was not elected to the presidency of the U.S.
OK, fine.
But that's not the reason she lost. Her sex had nothing to do with it.
She lost because she was unlikable, untrustworthy, mired in scandals and because she called wide swaths of the American people (deplorables), in the exact same way that a male candidate for the presidency might lose for the same mistakes.
I have sons. I have daughters. They all get a fair shake in today's world...but, perhaps, those who feel that there's still a glass ceiling to break and act with the sense of entitlement that such views encourage.
The problem some cite, has already been solved. That was a problem for previous generations and not this one. So, stop citing it as a cause for failure. Instead, look more deeply into your qualifications.
Hanging on to this myth misleads the very people you're trying to help.
LF
OK, fine.
But that's not the reason she lost. Her sex had nothing to do with it.
She lost because she was unlikable, untrustworthy, mired in scandals and because she called wide swaths of the American people (deplorables), in the exact same way that a male candidate for the presidency might lose for the same mistakes.
I have sons. I have daughters. They all get a fair shake in today's world...but, perhaps, those who feel that there's still a glass ceiling to break and act with the sense of entitlement that such views encourage.
The problem some cite, has already been solved. That was a problem for previous generations and not this one. So, stop citing it as a cause for failure. Instead, look more deeply into your qualifications.
Hanging on to this myth misleads the very people you're trying to help.
LF
2
No, David Walters, your guess is incorrect. This article is a sharing of stories by women from all walks of life about denied and missed opportunities, lost careers and pay inequities over the past fifty plus years, simply because they happen to be born female.
My undergraduate is in Computer Science and I have two graduate degrees, one being an Ivy League MBA. In addition I hold a professional designation, all self funded. Despite my 27 years of experience and my record of stellar performance and driving profitable quarter after quarter in the competitive and male dominated consulting space, there is not enough storage space on NYTimes.com for me to document the harassment and sexism that I have encountered throughout my career.
Your derision of our qualifications, your dismissal of our experiences and your declaration that the glass ceiling is now nothing more than a figment of our imagination is insulting. You are grossly uninformed and your statements reflect a stunning ignorance of the very real experiences that women deal with every day.
Your attitude is the epitome of the chauvinism that sadly, still awaits your daughters as they make their way in the world. Perhaps instead of blithely and ignorantly dismissing issues for which you, as a male with an Anglo-Saxon name living in Texas have absolutely no frame of reference for, you should educate yourself.
Start by reading the poignant stories in these comments. You might gain some perspective.
My undergraduate is in Computer Science and I have two graduate degrees, one being an Ivy League MBA. In addition I hold a professional designation, all self funded. Despite my 27 years of experience and my record of stellar performance and driving profitable quarter after quarter in the competitive and male dominated consulting space, there is not enough storage space on NYTimes.com for me to document the harassment and sexism that I have encountered throughout my career.
Your derision of our qualifications, your dismissal of our experiences and your declaration that the glass ceiling is now nothing more than a figment of our imagination is insulting. You are grossly uninformed and your statements reflect a stunning ignorance of the very real experiences that women deal with every day.
Your attitude is the epitome of the chauvinism that sadly, still awaits your daughters as they make their way in the world. Perhaps instead of blithely and ignorantly dismissing issues for which you, as a male with an Anglo-Saxon name living in Texas have absolutely no frame of reference for, you should educate yourself.
Start by reading the poignant stories in these comments. You might gain some perspective.
33
Thank you NYT for posting such a great set of examples of women's shared experience.
9
Thank your for reading them. These stories seem to be deeply felt by the women who tell them.
1
Thank your for reading them. These stories seem to be deeply felt by the women who tell them.
I guess I grew up in some sort of bubble! I started school in Kansas City MO and moved to Topeka KS in the middle of 3rd grade and finished high school there. Neither would be classified as some liberal, forward thinking utopia! No, I could not take Shop but then the boys couldn't take Home Ec. No one seemed bothered by this. In 9th grade, we all took the Otis Interest test and my results were that I either be an engineer or a garage mechanic, depending on how strong a student I was. I've always enjoyed fixing things but was not interested in a career in either and no teacher EVER told me they'd be unsuitable since I'm female. The only time I was told I couldn't have something due to my sex was when I asked for a train set for Christmas- my mother told me it was a "boy toy". It didn't ruin my life but I loved playing with my son's Lional train set!
My daughter went to an Ivy on a 4yr ROTC scholarship in the early 1990's. She ended up as her Battalion Commander her senior year as she had the highest grades and scores. No one ever told her she couldn't.
The only explanation I have for this is that my mother was a Southern woman, brought up in the tradition of matriarchy. Those woman were tough and no man ever controlled them! Remember Rhett attempting and failing with Scarlet? Ha!
My daughter went to an Ivy on a 4yr ROTC scholarship in the early 1990's. She ended up as her Battalion Commander her senior year as she had the highest grades and scores. No one ever told her she couldn't.
The only explanation I have for this is that my mother was a Southern woman, brought up in the tradition of matriarchy. Those woman were tough and no man ever controlled them! Remember Rhett attempting and failing with Scarlet? Ha!
2
In 1973, when I was 24, I worked briefly as a researcher for a company where a man in a management position was retiring. I was the only woman there who was not a secretary. Since I write well, they asked me to revise the drafted ad for the Wall St Journal: “We’re looking for a man who…” I advised that that wording now conflicted with anti-discrimination laws. Still, only men applied. The man they selected was about to move halfway across the country to take the job, but then declined because his wife wanted to keep her job. The men at my company were appalled that he was married to “a goddam ball and chain.” A few days later, they offered the job to me. But they had first checked with the retiring manager to make sure he wasn’t insulted by being replaced by a female. He said, “Well, she’s the smartest female I’ve ever met.” Like a talking dog. I turned it down, left the company, and successfully pursued journalism.
12
When I took my SATs, my Verbal score was nearly 300 points higher than my math score. Although it was clear from my classroom performance that I must have had some sort of learning disability (I was later diagnosed with ADD), all I was told was, "Of course, you did better on Verbal, you're a girl."
5
I was one of the first female students at Notre Dame when it went coed in the 70s. I have more stories than you have space.
15
Growing up in an asian culture where roles are very gender specific, my father had wanted me to excel in life so that I can stand on my own two feet and wouldn't have to rely on anyone. My mom worried that if I didn't know how to cook, that would make me somewhat less desirable in the eyes of my future in laws.
I am a Physician and my husband loves my cooking.
I am a Physician and my husband loves my cooking.
10
As an 18 year old undergraduate in 1972 at the University of Colorado I met with an advisor, Donald K. Darnell, in the Communications department to discuss whether Communications would be the right major for me. He said, "It doesn't matter what you major in, you're only going to get married and have babies."
Now I'm a college professor, in English, with a PhD from Cornell.
Now I'm a college professor, in English, with a PhD from Cornell.
19
When I was 13 my pediatrician asked what I planned to be when I grew up. I told him, "A doctor." He said, "Oh, but you have to do a lot of math to be a doctor." and he followed with something demoralizing about girls not being able to do that.
In high school I was told the seats in the drafting class were for boys and I should take home economics. I took French and Latin.
I did follow a more traditional route with my education, but my beloved father, who was a 1st generation Italian, taught me to use power tools because I wanted to and believe that I was capable of whatever I attempted. I always believed that my skills and efforts should get me where I want to go. I declined to accept the invitation to participate in an all woman art show because I didn't think, that I should be included or excluded based on my two X's.
I still believe that. That is my standard. Ignorance and bias has effected each of us in these stories, but I wouldn't choose a president based on their sex OR race.
In high school I was told the seats in the drafting class were for boys and I should take home economics. I took French and Latin.
I did follow a more traditional route with my education, but my beloved father, who was a 1st generation Italian, taught me to use power tools because I wanted to and believe that I was capable of whatever I attempted. I always believed that my skills and efforts should get me where I want to go. I declined to accept the invitation to participate in an all woman art show because I didn't think, that I should be included or excluded based on my two X's.
I still believe that. That is my standard. Ignorance and bias has effected each of us in these stories, but I wouldn't choose a president based on their sex OR race.
5
10th grade in the 60s I was put in an advanced math class because I got 'A"s in math. The first day Mr. S., a very good looking man, announced proudly that he was a graduate of Louisville Male White High School and the Air Force Academy. Then he announced girls couldn't do math and we should all transfer out. The next day half the girls were gone. The five of us left were all straight A students.For the rest of the semester he would never call on a girl who raised her hand, whether with an answer or a question. He just ignored us.
He was also a sports nut and the golf coach. If any of our high school teams won on Friday he ignored the no eating in class rule and allowed us to bring in an apple to eat. Mondays, of course, almost always meant the entire class was spent discussing various sports.
So, one Monday during an interminable sports conversation I walked up to the trash can with my apple core and dropped it from full height, so it clattered when it landed. This was nothing planned, but one by one my fellow female students walked up and did the dame thing. Then the boys started.
Mr. S. was so angry he walked out of class and was gone 20 minutes. I turned my desk with its back to the front of the classroom. Everyone else did the same thing. We didn't discuss this at all. When he came in he blew his top, told us we better fix the room back the way it belonged and left for the day. The next day he cancelled eating apples in class.
He was also a sports nut and the golf coach. If any of our high school teams won on Friday he ignored the no eating in class rule and allowed us to bring in an apple to eat. Mondays, of course, almost always meant the entire class was spent discussing various sports.
So, one Monday during an interminable sports conversation I walked up to the trash can with my apple core and dropped it from full height, so it clattered when it landed. This was nothing planned, but one by one my fellow female students walked up and did the dame thing. Then the boys started.
Mr. S. was so angry he walked out of class and was gone 20 minutes. I turned my desk with its back to the front of the classroom. Everyone else did the same thing. We didn't discuss this at all. When he came in he blew his top, told us we better fix the room back the way it belonged and left for the day. The next day he cancelled eating apples in class.
13
In 1973, I took a break from college to explore some career options. One idea I had was to work with the blind and guide dogs, so I visited The Seeing Eye headquarters in Morristown, N.J., for a tour of the facilities. When I inquired about working there I was told that they would never consider hiring me because I was a woman, and that it would be a waste of time to train someone who would only end up getting married and having babies. I can still remember the surprise and disappointment I felt, along with the sad acceptance that that's just the way things were.
8
I was so struck by the graphic I could not read the article. Growing up in Queens in the early sixties I was bared from applying to Aviation High School or Brooklyn Tech. As a first semester film student at NYU's School of the Arts my professors would not answer my questions. When i looked for a job the want ads in the NY Times listed Help Wanted Men and Help Wanted Women. The world is now a better place for women, and there is no going back.
13
While our parents always encouraged us (4 daughters) to follow our dreams, (German) society put all kinds of hurdles in our way (i.e. Germany is only somewhat more progressive - we do have a female chancellor - Angela Merkel). Maybe the most telling story is that of my youngest sister. From childhood on, she wanted to fly planes and become an astronaut. As my father had connections to Lufthansa, he got her an opportunity to apply to pilot school. In her interview, she was asked why Lufthansa should invest in her training; she was just going to have babies down the road, and all that money would be wasted when she dropped out. Why didn't she aim to become a stewardess? That was in the late 1980s. Fortunately she persevered, became the youngest female captain for Lufthansa, then the youngest check captain (both male and female), and now is a finalist to become an astronaut while running the simulator training for the new Airbus (350). She encountered her share of sexism, but never let it deter her. And she has two daughters, too :-) Oh, did you know that airlines still see pregnancy as a disease that keeps you out of the cockpit? My sister learned that lesson during her first pregnancy, when she dutifully told her superiors that she was pregnant and got grounded for the duration. After she got pregnant for her second child, she only told them when she couldn't hide the pregnancy any longer ;-)
12
In 4th and 5th grades, we were required to write a short story for school. In 4th grade (1964), I wrote about a woman who was inspired by John Kennedy to become a Peace Corps volunteer in Chad (I didn't know where that was but they spoke French so it had to be a good place). In 5th grade, I continued developing my character's story and she eventually became the first woman president (I think she was a Senator first). That was the job I really wanted. Who knows, maybe I'll run in 2020.
8
I was the only “girl” in a high school of 3,000 to take physics, calculus, and chemistry. I was told to sit in the back row over by the wall so that I wouldn’t disturb the MEN who needed to study to go to college.
In college I was the first “girl” in this large Rocky Mountain university to declare “pre-med” as my major. I was named the president of the pre-med society. I graduated in three years despite working two outside jobs--motel maid and waitress. My mother a college grad said that while she would pay for my three brothers’ tuition, books etc, EDUCATION WAS WASTED ON “girls.”
By my third and last year of college in molecular biology I was teaching Vertebrate Embryology (the only undergrad) and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I took the Medical College Admission Test and scored in the 95th percentile in the nation. I went before the all-Mormon board of doctors for med school and was told:
“Look “honey. You’d be taking the place of a man who needs to support his family...you need to look at nursing.”
The men I taught in college were flummoxed to see me working in Intensive Care as an RN when they came through in their medical residencies. “But you were smarter than all of us guys?!”
Yeah-but I was born a “girl."
In college I was the first “girl” in this large Rocky Mountain university to declare “pre-med” as my major. I was named the president of the pre-med society. I graduated in three years despite working two outside jobs--motel maid and waitress. My mother a college grad said that while she would pay for my three brothers’ tuition, books etc, EDUCATION WAS WASTED ON “girls.”
By my third and last year of college in molecular biology I was teaching Vertebrate Embryology (the only undergrad) and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I took the Medical College Admission Test and scored in the 95th percentile in the nation. I went before the all-Mormon board of doctors for med school and was told:
“Look “honey. You’d be taking the place of a man who needs to support his family...you need to look at nursing.”
The men I taught in college were flummoxed to see me working in Intensive Care as an RN when they came through in their medical residencies. “But you were smarter than all of us guys?!”
Yeah-but I was born a “girl."
15
Nuschler,
You were robbed and the world was robbed of a brilliant doctor. As we all were robbed of what would have been a wonderful president. Hatred of women is the true cause, I believe.
You were robbed and the world was robbed of a brilliant doctor. As we all were robbed of what would have been a wonderful president. Hatred of women is the true cause, I believe.
12
The missing link here are the voices of the young girls who didn't fight back for careers in male dominated fields, who were pushed aside from boys when trying to participate, the women who were better prepared better qualified and still lost out to the male candidate, the women who were gossiped about, lied about and held to a much higher standard than their male counterparts.
Such wasted human capitol in the worlds free-est country.
Much work to do
Such wasted human capitol in the worlds free-est country.
Much work to do
19
When I was going to college with the intent of pursuing a pre-med curriculum I decided to take a course in therapeutic nutrition. I considered that nutrition was an important subject to study. I was the only male in the class. Girls would clique together, giggle and laugh, and then turn around and look at me with a grinning smirk. Years later my mother said my father feared I was showing signs of being homosexual because I took that class.
When I turned 18 my father brought me to the selective service office to register for the draft. From that point on I had to consider that I might be forced into the military, trained to kill, and sent to some foreign country to fight the declared enemy.
When I turned 18 my father brought me to the selective service office to register for the draft. From that point on I had to consider that I might be forced into the military, trained to kill, and sent to some foreign country to fight the declared enemy.
10
Many disabled people are not subject to the draft either, but would you post this on an article about the indignities and insults that disabled people face? Perhaps you would suggest that they grow up and pay attention to the real victim (yourself), but I doubt it. Point being: we can discuss an issue faced by one group of people without dismissing or diminishing those faced by all other groups. When the NYT next publishes an article on selective service, paternity leave, custody battles, high rates of suicide, prostate cancer, or any other issue affecting men, I promise not to bring up menstrual cramps or abortion in the comments section.
9
Yes, boys face gender barriers too.
2
My parents did it, too. My dad was an avid hunter and taught me to spot game and aim a rifle. I am an excellent shot and quiet in the woods, but only my brother was invited to the hunt despite Dad's complaints upon return that he scared away the deer and was reckless with aim. I "got to" clean the animals when they returned.
As a senior in HS who had demonstrated a great deal of responsibility and independence, my curfew was 10 except if I was working, and I made dinners and cleaned our shared bathroom. Brother was failing school and didn't work or do anything but take out the trash. He could disappear for days on end without checking in. Now brother and I are roommates due to economic necessity... The only chore he sees fit to do is take the trash out once a week despite being asked repeatedly. Yard work, routine cleaning, household repairs... All of it, my job.
As a senior in HS who had demonstrated a great deal of responsibility and independence, my curfew was 10 except if I was working, and I made dinners and cleaned our shared bathroom. Brother was failing school and didn't work or do anything but take out the trash. He could disappear for days on end without checking in. Now brother and I are roommates due to economic necessity... The only chore he sees fit to do is take the trash out once a week despite being asked repeatedly. Yard work, routine cleaning, household repairs... All of it, my job.
12
Past time to push back!
11
Ella, Find a female roommate and move out if you can find a way.
4
As a senior in high school back in 1991, the guidance councilor met with each student to discuss career plans and college choices. I wanted to study to be a veterinarian. The female councilor said that was too difficult of a career choice for a woman and said the science and math classes would just be too hard. I was heartbroken and angry because she was fully supportive of my male classmate friend, who wanted to be a doctor. My friend and I were both on the same level academically. I was also so disappointed that a female would not be supportive of a girl's career dreams. Disheartened, I doubted myself and did not study to be a veterinarian. Instead, I received a bachelor's degree in foreign languages. Years later while in my mid 30's, I decided I wanted to be a nurse. As part of the requirements for nursing school enrollment I had to take a year of chemistry. The teacher told me she had never known someone to pick up the concepts so quickly. I made straight A's in every math and science class and helped my classmates as a tutor. I never became a veterinarian, but I am now an oncology certified registered nurse. To this day, I wish I had ignored the councilor and went for my dream.
18
Váyase, Donald
To be sung to the tune of "Vaya, con Dios."
Now the election crowd is gone, the town is sleeping;
His 'plane will leave at dawn, with pigeons peeping.
Váyase, Señor Trump or I'll usher you,
Right across the Texas Border and out the door!
Wherever you may be, the people flunk you,
When you're many miles away, I'll elephant trunk you,
Each night you'll beg your manservant to hide you,
But he'll tell me where you are and my dog will skunk you!
I'll shake my fist at Michael Pence from my De Soto,
Whilst I catch Donald in his pajamas and take his photo,
Váyase, Herr Donald, or my dog will bark you,
Study hard or I'll send you back to Grammar School,
May you have many happy hours there!
Now the Jamaica, Queens High School bells are softly ringing,
In the green room lounge you'll find Le Donald shrieking,
Run away, Monsieur Trumpe, I've had enough of you,
May the door swing against your rumpus on your way out!
Wherever you may run, I'll tell your abuelitas,
Although you're many million dreams away.
Each night you'll say a prayer that I'll somehow lose your scent,
But my truffle-pigs will track you down, you're no El Chapo!
Now the dawn is breaking through a gray tomorrow,
But your memories of my sharp tongue will give you sorrow,
Váyase, Señor Donald, but no, it's too late,
You've underestimated the poeoples' wrath, a fatal mistake!
May you attend a school in Palm Beach and eventually learn something!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uELG34kwytw
To be sung to the tune of "Vaya, con Dios."
Now the election crowd is gone, the town is sleeping;
His 'plane will leave at dawn, with pigeons peeping.
Váyase, Señor Trump or I'll usher you,
Right across the Texas Border and out the door!
Wherever you may be, the people flunk you,
When you're many miles away, I'll elephant trunk you,
Each night you'll beg your manservant to hide you,
But he'll tell me where you are and my dog will skunk you!
I'll shake my fist at Michael Pence from my De Soto,
Whilst I catch Donald in his pajamas and take his photo,
Váyase, Herr Donald, or my dog will bark you,
Study hard or I'll send you back to Grammar School,
May you have many happy hours there!
Now the Jamaica, Queens High School bells are softly ringing,
In the green room lounge you'll find Le Donald shrieking,
Run away, Monsieur Trumpe, I've had enough of you,
May the door swing against your rumpus on your way out!
Wherever you may run, I'll tell your abuelitas,
Although you're many million dreams away.
Each night you'll say a prayer that I'll somehow lose your scent,
But my truffle-pigs will track you down, you're no El Chapo!
Now the dawn is breaking through a gray tomorrow,
But your memories of my sharp tongue will give you sorrow,
Váyase, Señor Donald, but no, it's too late,
You've underestimated the poeoples' wrath, a fatal mistake!
May you attend a school in Palm Beach and eventually learn something!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uELG34kwytw
2
This is Austin's mother, Pam.
In 1973 I worked at the NBC tv and radio affiliate in Birmingham, Alabama, WAPI. The station's license was being challenged on racial discrimination and to bolster their image they decided to put a second woman (white) on the air in news. They told me I could have the job since I didn't have a southern accent, but only if I didn't ask for more money than I was making as a copy editor in radio there. I could do the tv reporting on the side. I grabbed it, and reported consumer news for 6 months. Then the current tv reporter who did the 7:25 am and 8:25am local cut ins for The Today Show got another job. I told the station manager I would like to have that job and be in the news dept full time. His response was, "I don't think Birmingham is ready to look at a woman at 7 in the morning." I left, moved to Chicago Andrea worked in tv news for many more years.
In 1973 I worked at the NBC tv and radio affiliate in Birmingham, Alabama, WAPI. The station's license was being challenged on racial discrimination and to bolster their image they decided to put a second woman (white) on the air in news. They told me I could have the job since I didn't have a southern accent, but only if I didn't ask for more money than I was making as a copy editor in radio there. I could do the tv reporting on the side. I grabbed it, and reported consumer news for 6 months. Then the current tv reporter who did the 7:25 am and 8:25am local cut ins for The Today Show got another job. I told the station manager I would like to have that job and be in the news dept full time. His response was, "I don't think Birmingham is ready to look at a woman at 7 in the morning." I left, moved to Chicago Andrea worked in tv news for many more years.
11
When I was in grade school in the 60s I was told that learning how to use the film projector was for boys. And when I took an aptitude test at the start of my high school career I was told that I'd be a great secretary with excellent filing skills since the test indicated that I paid attention to details. When I started to work in biological research women were deliberately underpaid. We weren't mentored. When I went on interviews I was at the receiving end of some very memorable and illegal questions that would never have been asked if I were a male.
I was asked at Yale if I had a boyfriend there when I was interviewed. At another interview, some ten years later, the person interviewing me told me that he couldn't pay me because I probably hadn't done all I listed in my resume. On one job one man was referred to as Chester the molester because of how he spoke to women, looked at women, and treated women: like sex objects.
Girls have their hopes and dreams cut down while boys are encouraged to reach for gold stars. We're told we have to excel before we get a chance while boys just have to try. We can't be angry, upset, or lose our tempers, or be sarcastic, or anything other than ladylike. Men can be boisterous, loud, louts, angry, intimidating, intelligent, etc. This was true in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. It's still true now and we're well into the 21st century. When does it change?
I was asked at Yale if I had a boyfriend there when I was interviewed. At another interview, some ten years later, the person interviewing me told me that he couldn't pay me because I probably hadn't done all I listed in my resume. On one job one man was referred to as Chester the molester because of how he spoke to women, looked at women, and treated women: like sex objects.
Girls have their hopes and dreams cut down while boys are encouraged to reach for gold stars. We're told we have to excel before we get a chance while boys just have to try. We can't be angry, upset, or lose our tempers, or be sarcastic, or anything other than ladylike. Men can be boisterous, loud, louts, angry, intimidating, intelligent, etc. This was true in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. It's still true now and we're well into the 21st century. When does it change?
18
My parents would not let me purchase a used car, with my own money, although all of my older brothers did at 16. So I instead hitchhiked around. Really.
I was told by guidance councilors to go to a junior college and pursue being a secretary or travel agent in regards to the occupation testing results.
Low expectations all around.
I was told by guidance councilors to go to a junior college and pursue being a secretary or travel agent in regards to the occupation testing results.
Low expectations all around.
8
Unfortunately, parents can transmit their disappointment in their child's gender without having to say it. My mother fretted for my father who had no son to "carry on the family name." Her belief that girls didn't have to go to college helped my decision, in some way, to take up residence in another country when I turned eighteen. And, bless her heart, when I returned, took me to the mall to find clothes for my "career" as I hadn't managed to marry while I was away.
6
I went to architecture school. Girls were not allowed to take surveying. The teacher announced that he'd automatically flunk any girl who signed up for his course.
I was the top student in all my classes. Almost all the teachers were fine about this, but one told me to go home and take care of my husband. Some of the male students said similar things. I'd reply that they'd be happy if I dropped out, since I was setting the curve.
In the profession, I mostly did OK. One contractor refused to admit me to a job site--said he only worked with professionals, not with girls. I sued. I won.
One roofing contractor said I couldn't inspect his work, since he didn't allow "girls" on the roof. I told him I'd approve his payment after I inspected, and that, unless I did, his work was a donation.
My boss was a man. He was really good. Always stood up for his employees if we were right, and he didn't hold with any kind of discrimination.
I was the top student in all my classes. Almost all the teachers were fine about this, but one told me to go home and take care of my husband. Some of the male students said similar things. I'd reply that they'd be happy if I dropped out, since I was setting the curve.
In the profession, I mostly did OK. One contractor refused to admit me to a job site--said he only worked with professionals, not with girls. I sued. I won.
One roofing contractor said I couldn't inspect his work, since he didn't allow "girls" on the roof. I told him I'd approve his payment after I inspected, and that, unless I did, his work was a donation.
My boss was a man. He was really good. Always stood up for his employees if we were right, and he didn't hold with any kind of discrimination.
16
Just a few of the multiple example that pop up in my head: 1) I was told by my high school calculus math teacher, Mr. Larson in 1987, that, "A pretty girl like me didn't need to learn calculus." I regret not sending him the A's I received in math the next year at the Ivy League school I attended. Another: up for a promotion, I was told of our engineering office, Mr. Ted King, that I didn't get it because considering my age (late 20's) and the fact that my husband was about to complete graduate school I would probably be starting a family soon and not so not up to the task. How I regret things that I didn't say or press for! I hope all you, regardless of your gender, support women and their dreams. I support you! Go for it!
11
Having married at 18 following one year of college, I decided to return to my education when the youngest of my 3 children was in kindergarten, by taking just one course at a time at the local university. Both my husband and my mother were against my doing this. But courageously I enrolled in a Psych. 101 class. Being stymied and confused about the material by the prof's boredom teaching 101 and his resulting 300 level substitutions, as was the whole class, I went to the prof for help. He told me to "go home and have more babies". This was in 1968; could it still happen today?
8
In 1974, at age 15, I worked at Dairy Queen for $1.35 an hour. Found out my male co-workers were making $1.65. When queried, my manager said the boys were stronger and did more heavy lifting. I offered to do "heavy" work and was told to dig a ditch out back for an (illegal) grease trap. I went home and got a shovel - returned and dug that ditch all afternoon. Manager did not give me the raise, explained that the boys needed more money because they had to pay for their girlfriends when they went on dates.
Years later I learned that my traditional Grandfather, who was visiting from out of town, bragged on me to anyone who would listen. "It wasn't fair but she did her job - better than any boy."
Years later I learned that my traditional Grandfather, who was visiting from out of town, bragged on me to anyone who would listen. "It wasn't fair but she did her job - better than any boy."
16
I am 37. Me too.
I worked in the auto service industry; a couple of my female co-workers were tech school grads but only allowed to work in the parts dept, and we were not permitted to apply for a lube tech position that paid twice as much.
I was hired at a dealership where all women were relegated to accessory sales, the GM touched us routinely. The Asst accessory sales mgr of 5 yrs was a woman, she was passed over for the top job in favor of an outside hire, inexperienced man. I was finally promoted to Service Advisor where I endured male customers comments like, If I wanted to hear from a woman I'd have rattled my zipper.
I worked in admin at a construction firm while in college, verifying estimates and materials orders. I later tried to get a job as an estimator but was told that I was unhirable for that job because I am a woman but I'd make a great scheduler at half the salary...
I worked in the auto service industry; a couple of my female co-workers were tech school grads but only allowed to work in the parts dept, and we were not permitted to apply for a lube tech position that paid twice as much.
I was hired at a dealership where all women were relegated to accessory sales, the GM touched us routinely. The Asst accessory sales mgr of 5 yrs was a woman, she was passed over for the top job in favor of an outside hire, inexperienced man. I was finally promoted to Service Advisor where I endured male customers comments like, If I wanted to hear from a woman I'd have rattled my zipper.
I worked in admin at a construction firm while in college, verifying estimates and materials orders. I later tried to get a job as an estimator but was told that I was unhirable for that job because I am a woman but I'd make a great scheduler at half the salary...
12
My parents told me I should not use my scholarship to attend college. They said that education would be wasted on me because I could only be married and bear children. They said that only men could be artists. They refused to sign an agreement that I would pay for my dorm room and board, which was required by the Illinois state college system. I went to my high school counselor, and he did not have any solution. I soon after suffered a major depression episode--not my first and not my last. The year was 1970.
12
When I went on the Ph.D. job market once, about a year and a half before completing my dissertation, my in-laws told me to my face that I needed to stop and prioritize my husband's (their son's) career. It was so breathtakingly open. I will never forget it.
15
Growing up in India, many of my classmates could not pursue graduate studies in subjects of their choice but that whats available near by, because their parents would allow them to travel out of state . While their brothers traveled traveled far and wide in pursuit of their higher studies.
My octogenarian dad still gets anxious about my travels, lol!
My octogenarian dad still gets anxious about my travels, lol!
8
Some of these stories sound nearly identical to mine. In kindergarten, I was told I had to go to the playhouse with the rest of the girls to pretend to cook and take care of the baby dolls. I kept going to the other side of the room to play with the blocks with the boys. I got a 'does not play well with others ' comment on my report card. In junior high, all the girls had to take sewing & cooking; wood shop was offlimits. My high school did not offer varsity sports for girls until 1975. We were told that we could tryout for cheerleader or majorette.
I got nearly all A's a.nd had an aptitude for math & science. Fortunately, my guidance counselor didn't discourage this and actually suggested engineering school. I've been working as an engineer for over 35 years.
I got nearly all A's a.nd had an aptitude for math & science. Fortunately, my guidance counselor didn't discourage this and actually suggested engineering school. I've been working as an engineer for over 35 years.
18
It was 1975 and I was working for the Dean of the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth. I was in a staff job but the Dean kept encouraging me to attend classes, discuss ideas, criticize his lectures. Then he wrote my recommendation to Harvard Business School. He gave me a book of poetry to take with me and highlighted Hope Is The Thing With Feathers. I still have the book. He helped me believe I could do anything--and I keep trying to instill that concept in others, especially my daughter. HBS MBA 1978
58
Fast forward 25 years: When I was 15, America elected a man president who had bragged about grabbing women by their genitals. Because he could. He said stuff like women were "pigs", "bimbos","gold diggers", "ugly" and lots of other degrading things. I remember my mother so deeply offended that anyone could vote for a man like that. She kept talking about how boys and girls now knew their president, the most powerful person in the world, was a rank misogynist.
But she said something else I've never forgotten. She said, in a strange and perverse way, Trump (yeah, that Trump, the guy who perpetrated the biggest con on middle American in history-- remember him?) gave women a gift. He exposed the dark sexism lurking right below the surface then. He forced everyone, even those who voted for him, to look at it. Lots of women in their 20's had thought the women's movement was over. They smirked at the older feminists still spouting about equal opportunity, and rape culture, and girls being cultured to accept sexism.
Well, after Trump, they didn't laugh anymore. They got it. Lots of guys got it too. I'm proud that I was part of the national movement to make sure girls understood their inherent equal worth. I became a physician (with my mom, it had never occurred to me there wasn't anything I could do--- I was one of the lucky ones)-- but I worked hard to fight the sexism infecting our schools, religions, jobs.
Yes, we elected a female president. 2, in fact. We've come a long way.
But she said something else I've never forgotten. She said, in a strange and perverse way, Trump (yeah, that Trump, the guy who perpetrated the biggest con on middle American in history-- remember him?) gave women a gift. He exposed the dark sexism lurking right below the surface then. He forced everyone, even those who voted for him, to look at it. Lots of women in their 20's had thought the women's movement was over. They smirked at the older feminists still spouting about equal opportunity, and rape culture, and girls being cultured to accept sexism.
Well, after Trump, they didn't laugh anymore. They got it. Lots of guys got it too. I'm proud that I was part of the national movement to make sure girls understood their inherent equal worth. I became a physician (with my mom, it had never occurred to me there wasn't anything I could do--- I was one of the lucky ones)-- but I worked hard to fight the sexism infecting our schools, religions, jobs.
Yes, we elected a female president. 2, in fact. We've come a long way.
112
Me too. I was born in 1957. I learned to read at an early age. So it was the early 1960's when my story takes place. When friends visited, my parents stood me up on a table and asked me to recite what I had been reading. Then they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said "President of the United States". Everyone burst out laughing. I was confused, and clarified myself "First female President of the United States". That made them laugh even harder. That confused me more so I got down off the table and went to my room and cried.
My parents never explained why and never comforted me and I never forgot what happened. The message I got was: even though they say you're smart, you're not good enough and you will be laughed at so don't talk about your ambitions and don't try to do much in this world.
I was an underachiever for many years despite being in gifted classes. I finally went back to school and earned my Ph.D. when I was nearly 50 years old. I wasted so much of my life because I was given the impression that it was hopeless to try and that the world was against me.
I often think about all the wasted potential of so many people who were given this impression at a young age.
The darkness around us is deep, as William Stafford said. We still have a long way to go.....
My parents never explained why and never comforted me and I never forgot what happened. The message I got was: even though they say you're smart, you're not good enough and you will be laughed at so don't talk about your ambitions and don't try to do much in this world.
I was an underachiever for many years despite being in gifted classes. I finally went back to school and earned my Ph.D. when I was nearly 50 years old. I wasted so much of my life because I was given the impression that it was hopeless to try and that the world was against me.
I often think about all the wasted potential of so many people who were given this impression at a young age.
The darkness around us is deep, as William Stafford said. We still have a long way to go.....
23
I always wanted to be a fiction writer.
I started when I was 5, writing & drawing picture books on little notepads about the adventures of an Irish Setter dog named Buster (for Buster Keaton, who had a film retrospective on TV when I was 5, & whose short "One Week," w/h featured his immortal gag of the front facade of a house falling on him, in just such a way that a window fell around him, sparing him from certain death, I had esp loved). By the time I was 8, I'd written 27 of these little books.
Fast-fwd to adulthood. I felt drawn to horror & ghost-story novels, but I also wanted to write literary stuff. Like many, male & female, I submitted a few stories to The New Yorker &, like many, male & female, was rejected.
Then, in 2004, Katharine Milkman, a Princeton student, wrote her thesis on the statistics of The New Yorker's patterns of story selection, comparing stories written by women to those written by men.
Among Ms. Milkman's findings: "male editors generally publish male authors who write about male characters who are supported by female characters."
David Carr, a non-statistician, wrote a curiously dismissive, condescending "Books" piece on it. www.nytimes.com/2004/06/01/books/new-yorker-fiction-numbers-princeton-st....
And The New Yorker? Deborah Treisman, fiction editor, was far too exalted to be concerned about such sexism. ''Do I walk away thinking, 'Now I have to think about gender ... in selecting stories?' No.''
I started when I was 5, writing & drawing picture books on little notepads about the adventures of an Irish Setter dog named Buster (for Buster Keaton, who had a film retrospective on TV when I was 5, & whose short "One Week," w/h featured his immortal gag of the front facade of a house falling on him, in just such a way that a window fell around him, sparing him from certain death, I had esp loved). By the time I was 8, I'd written 27 of these little books.
Fast-fwd to adulthood. I felt drawn to horror & ghost-story novels, but I also wanted to write literary stuff. Like many, male & female, I submitted a few stories to The New Yorker &, like many, male & female, was rejected.
Then, in 2004, Katharine Milkman, a Princeton student, wrote her thesis on the statistics of The New Yorker's patterns of story selection, comparing stories written by women to those written by men.
Among Ms. Milkman's findings: "male editors generally publish male authors who write about male characters who are supported by female characters."
David Carr, a non-statistician, wrote a curiously dismissive, condescending "Books" piece on it. www.nytimes.com/2004/06/01/books/new-yorker-fiction-numbers-princeton-st....
And The New Yorker? Deborah Treisman, fiction editor, was far too exalted to be concerned about such sexism. ''Do I walk away thinking, 'Now I have to think about gender ... in selecting stories?' No.''
10
It wasn't something that I was told I couldn't do, in my case.
Rather, it was how I was cornered and made fun of, but for being shy and awkward, and having a "nerdy and intellectual" head, and somehow always acing the tests.
Those boys couldn't get around to the fact that someone who was not among the popular girls, could actually have some substance.
But so glad I did not change my basic core, to please anyone. It was my way to getting back to them.
November 8 was a setback to all women who have been denigrated in some way, by the louder and brasher bullying kind, who can sink to any depths, to get what they want.
But, they "nasty women" should not keep quiet. Only when there is a voice, there is any chance of it being heard.
Rather, it was how I was cornered and made fun of, but for being shy and awkward, and having a "nerdy and intellectual" head, and somehow always acing the tests.
Those boys couldn't get around to the fact that someone who was not among the popular girls, could actually have some substance.
But so glad I did not change my basic core, to please anyone. It was my way to getting back to them.
November 8 was a setback to all women who have been denigrated in some way, by the louder and brasher bullying kind, who can sink to any depths, to get what they want.
But, they "nasty women" should not keep quiet. Only when there is a voice, there is any chance of it being heard.
11
My passion is fly fishing. Still to this day I meet men, aghast, that I am fishing on the same waters they are. I had a man tell me, several weeks ago, that a river in Washington state was "his" water and I shouldn't be fishing on it. I smiled. And caught a gorgeous cutthroat trout right in front of him. Must have been "his" trout. He left, cursing at me. And that is one story of many in my life...I've been in "male only" professions my whole working career. Arguing my first case my opposing counsel told me I should be home doing the laundry. Years later I left law and went into forestry...you can only imagine the stories. Guess I never learned what was "his."
29
jacey2
Now age 80, I recently encountered a woman who is the older sister of a boy I remembered from grade 6 so many years ago. She later told me that he remembered me clearly as "the smartest girl in the class". Interesting that we went in to rather similar fields and that his viewpoint remains frozen in time.!
Now age 80, I recently encountered a woman who is the older sister of a boy I remembered from grade 6 so many years ago. She later told me that he remembered me clearly as "the smartest girl in the class". Interesting that we went in to rather similar fields and that his viewpoint remains frozen in time.!
1
Much to his credit, the smartest boy in my high school class (1967) told me at a reunion of the Class that he was dying to find out what I (whom he called "the smartest PERSON in the class") was doing with her life. We had a lovely conversation, both of us happy with the directions we'd taken.
6
When I was in nursery school (1962) I was told I couldn't be a train engineer. I got smart the next they asked--told them I wanted to be a lawyer just like my mother. They couldn't say no to that one :).
14
And by the way, I thought that up all by myself.
5
So many good stories, all so believable. In my case, it was my mother who always said no, that's for boys. Between six and 12 it happened so often that I literally could not complete a school assignment, Grown Up Me in '83, I had no vision of a future me. I later obtained degrees, certifications, a modicum of career achievement but never had either parent say they were proud or evidence awareness of my little successes.
For me Hillary was never about the first woman president; it was about the best for the job in the circumstances. Until she couldn't be the president.
Now I know. My elected leaders will soon discover that when they couldn't be with me, they lost me. The men in my party will learn that not supporting her bid, when they knew darn straight what we all faced as a consequence, will lose theirs. I'm voting my gender from now on because the men I have supported have proven they vote theirs.
For me Hillary was never about the first woman president; it was about the best for the job in the circumstances. Until she couldn't be the president.
Now I know. My elected leaders will soon discover that when they couldn't be with me, they lost me. The men in my party will learn that not supporting her bid, when they knew darn straight what we all faced as a consequence, will lose theirs. I'm voting my gender from now on because the men I have supported have proven they vote theirs.
20
You may think that only girls have these kinds of problems. During WW2 Eleanor Roosevelt decided to visit a war zone in the South Pacific. Admiral Halsey was very annoyed that this New Deal do-gooder would have to be escorted. He had a war to fight. Mrs. Roosevelt came and these are remarks:
https://www2.gwu.edu/~erpapers/teachinger/q-and-a/halsey-report-er.cfm
Edward Collett
https://www2.gwu.edu/~erpapers/teachinger/q-and-a/halsey-report-er.cfm
Edward Collett
6
My mother (b.1958) was told by her father that he'd only pay for secretarial school, not college. She went to college anyway, majored in journalism, and has successfully published several books.
15
Maybe it's time to start the process all over again. It seems the current arrangement of sexes isn't working too well, based on these stories and attitudes of the present day. When has life ever been fair? As a man, I'm willing to live the rest of my life in shame if that will help.
1
I was perhaps 17 when my father -- a physician -- told me I would make a great nurse.
Not a doctor? I asked.
He shook his head.
I had seen the photo of his med school graduating class. Only one woman. No one who was black. And very few whose ancestors were not from Northern Europe.
Not a doctor? I asked.
He shook his head.
I had seen the photo of his med school graduating class. Only one woman. No one who was black. And very few whose ancestors were not from Northern Europe.
19
1978: At fourteen, I agreed to mow a neighboring widow's yard. She said she would pay me $5 for the work. The following year, she decided to have a boy from up the street mow her yard. She paid him $10.
2010: As a product manager for a large software company, I often attended management meetings where, as one of only two women in the room, I was expected to take notes for the group. We two women stopped carrying notebooks and laptops into those meetings.
2016: Was told repeatedly growing up that "math just isn't a woman's thing." This year, I finished a statistics course as part of my professional development. And yes, it is my thing.
2010: As a product manager for a large software company, I often attended management meetings where, as one of only two women in the room, I was expected to take notes for the group. We two women stopped carrying notebooks and laptops into those meetings.
2016: Was told repeatedly growing up that "math just isn't a woman's thing." This year, I finished a statistics course as part of my professional development. And yes, it is my thing.
29
In my 4th grade class in 1980, there were three math groups. Low, middle, and high. The highest group consisted only of boys. We would meet with our teacher in groups for small lessons, but she let us work as far ahead in our textbooks as we wanted. I burned through the textbook, which had a picture of two cars on it, in no time, but she would not let me advance to the book the highest group was using, which had a picture of male basketball players on it. Bored, during independent math time, I chose to work through the spelling books which went all the way up to level 8. Eventually I must have complained at home because I remember my mom showing me my final 3rd grade ITBS (the standardized test of that time) scores which showed that I had placed in the 99th percentile in math. The next day she met with the principal, and I was placed in the highest math group before the week ended. I wound up having no trouble with the transition. A week or two later another girl joined us. By the end of the year, there were more.
21
I remember when I was 9 I wanted to play football during recess. Only boys were playing. They never let me play. My Dad had a theory that if I provided the ball, they'd have to let me play. He bought be a ball and I took it to school, ready to play. The boys took my ball and threw it over the fence into the street... I ran off to go retrieve it and was sent to the principal's office for scaling the fence. He told me I shouldn't have tried to play with them and I should choose something else to do the next day.
13
When young, I was a blond very cute girl. Constantly, in classes right through college, instructors, teachers, and professors asked me, after they reviewed my paper(s), "Did you write this?" In college a female professor took my paper while walking across the classroom, "Who wrote this paper?" I had but forgot to sign it. Finally, after it was determined that I was the author, that professor stated "Well, if I had known it was YOU, Ms. G. I would never have given you an A."
There is severe prejudice against girls, and then there is even more severe prejudice against girly looking girls; blondies - you know, Blondes are DUMB.
My mother was a genius and prodigy, discriminated against in the art world as an artist, earned one half of her male counterpart who did not possess a college degree, and the daughter of a MIT assistant professor and scientist with the Manhattan project.
In HS, in the mid seventies, I requested an application from MIT twice; once using my mother's address, and the other a separate and different town and address of my father's. I did so using using the gender neutral name CHRIS and the other, the feminine, Christine. MIT did not respond to the Christine, but did respond to Chris. MIT made it clear that they accepted only a very small number of women after investigating the discrepancy. Young women of today need to know how very far women of the world have traveled.
There is severe prejudice against girls, and then there is even more severe prejudice against girly looking girls; blondies - you know, Blondes are DUMB.
My mother was a genius and prodigy, discriminated against in the art world as an artist, earned one half of her male counterpart who did not possess a college degree, and the daughter of a MIT assistant professor and scientist with the Manhattan project.
In HS, in the mid seventies, I requested an application from MIT twice; once using my mother's address, and the other a separate and different town and address of my father's. I did so using using the gender neutral name CHRIS and the other, the feminine, Christine. MIT did not respond to the Christine, but did respond to Chris. MIT made it clear that they accepted only a very small number of women after investigating the discrepancy. Young women of today need to know how very far women of the world have traveled.
31
Girls weren't allowed to take wood shop when I was in junior high (1970), even though we had a wood shop at home. So I wrote a letter to the vice principal and my mom and i went to talk to him, and I became the first girl to break the wood ceiling (the boys, bless their hearts, took home ec and learned how to make waffles and scrambled eggs). In shop class, the teacher gave me and the other girls who signed up pre-cut wood to make jewelry boxes. The boys got to use the saws; we were given glue and shellac! I took the cover home and carved it up with flowers and cross-hatching. I went on to take another shop class and made a chess board. I still love building things with the tool box my dad gave me for Christmas, long ago.
13
"Little girls should be seen and not heard" was often spoken by my father to me as a child growing up in the 1950's. I never paid any attention to him or my high school guidance counselor who told me the best I would be able to manage because I was attractive was to get married and have children. I didn't pay any attention to that either. I have done exactly what I have wanted, when I wanted and with whom I've wanted to do it with and without any hesitation to express my opinion when I felt it necessary. Sometimes, you just have to step over absurdity on the way to a great life and search out those who are in your corner. I have been fortunate in that regard!
10
My father told me that after high school, from which it was clear that I was going to graduate near the top of my class, he would let me go to the local business school "because you're just a girl." When I refused and insisted on college, he drew the line at the state college in our town, which specialized in training physical education instructors.
With no help of any kind from my father, I graduated with honors from a Seven Sisters college, graduated from an elite graduate program, had a long and, I hope, respected career in my profession— and made sure that I got other deserving women into graduate schools.
With no help of any kind from my father, I graduated with honors from a Seven Sisters college, graduated from an elite graduate program, had a long and, I hope, respected career in my profession— and made sure that I got other deserving women into graduate schools.
21
Growing up in the 70's, I had neither the sense that the world viewed girls as lesser than boys, nor a sense that my household was particularly pro women's rights. What I did have was the constant, underlying feeling that I had to be perfect - all the time, in every way - or I would be judged a disappointment, unworthy, a failure. I didn't analyze it, or rebel against it. I just internalized it. Many years later, when I was a second year law student at a top university, I interviewed with a female partner at a large law firm. We chatted about pleasantries, and as the interview was wrapping up, she told me that as a female partner she only hired women who were "perfect" because she believed that a woman who was "only" equally talented as her male colleagues would make all women look bad. I didn't get an offer from that firm....We might go to the same schools, compete for the same jobs, and succeed by all outward measures. But we can't deny that underlying it all is sometimes virulent, sometimes very subtle, but nearly always present note of sexism.
17
Junior: upper Midwest: University, 1967 fall. Made an appointment with Dr. E., English Department, professor fiction-writing courses, author. Forced to be an elementary education major, [something to fall back on] I had, for much of my short life, wanted to be a writer. Reading Book of the Month Club fiction by 3rd grade, graduated to stacks of novels from weekly library visits. Reading my life away because if you were reading; no one was angry.
To call Dr. E. was audacious in my world, but I was desperately in need. I listed questions in a notebook, dressed anxiously in a neat, slim, white-collared navy dress, And combed and combed all those hopes and dreams into my shining page-boy hair.
Dr E. I began, " I have always wanted to be a writer; I just need to know. Could you look at some of my writing and tell me if it is any good?" This writer/man/professor looked down at me and said with a smirk,"Well, dear, I guess if that's what you want, you can bring some of your writing over. I don't have a lot of time. You know though, you really don't look anything like a writer. You look like a sweet, beautiful kindergarten teacher.”
Loud and clear I heard him. I gathered my things and left. Never returned, took no classes from him nor any writing courses. I saw him briefly, later and I quickly turned away eyes abrim with tears. I saw he recognized me and his assumptions. And I? Feelings of shame and failure flooded me. I didn't write for years.
To call Dr. E. was audacious in my world, but I was desperately in need. I listed questions in a notebook, dressed anxiously in a neat, slim, white-collared navy dress, And combed and combed all those hopes and dreams into my shining page-boy hair.
Dr E. I began, " I have always wanted to be a writer; I just need to know. Could you look at some of my writing and tell me if it is any good?" This writer/man/professor looked down at me and said with a smirk,"Well, dear, I guess if that's what you want, you can bring some of your writing over. I don't have a lot of time. You know though, you really don't look anything like a writer. You look like a sweet, beautiful kindergarten teacher.”
Loud and clear I heard him. I gathered my things and left. Never returned, took no classes from him nor any writing courses. I saw him briefly, later and I quickly turned away eyes abrim with tears. I saw he recognized me and his assumptions. And I? Feelings of shame and failure flooded me. I didn't write for years.
11
I am 62 years old. All my life I have listened to people pontificate about what women should and should not do. In my Girl Scout troop, we embroidered tea towels, practiced ballroom dancing and learned how to set a table for a formal dinner because those were things "ladies" did. In Catholic high school, the boys had driver ed classes, the girls did not because in 1971 our male Principal did not feel it a necessary skill for Catholic young ladies. Only boys had physics and calculus classes. My father, when I was applying for college, told me that the only things a woman should study were English or Nursing and that it was a waste of money to send a woman to med school since she'd just get married and quit working. My high school guidance counselor missed the deadline for sending in my application for a scholarship but really- I was just a girl. (BTW- I graduated #1 in my class) At college, one geology professor used pictures of women in bikinis as part of his presentations. My mostly male professors gave far more attention to male students than female students. The job I had during the summers required me to regularly fend off my boss- one time with a high pressure hose (I was washing the delivery truck at the time) After working for the government for 10 years, when I decided to quit my job to become a full-time mother, I heard "But you're smart- why would you want to do that?" Now, my white hair makes me invisible. I am so tired. And it never ends...
30
After reading through these stories, I realize how extremely fortunate I have been. I have no doubt that sexism has affected my career path, and I have been talked down to and dismissed as a girl/woman countless times in the workplace, and unfortunately there were no professional women I could look to as mentors when starting out. Perhaps they were too involved in just looking out for themselves back then.
But I also am very grateful to have wonderful parents and great teachers, especially in junior high and freshman year of high school. I wanted to be a scientist and I still recall how supportive my 8th grade science teacher , a man, was of my ambition. And this was in a rural small town. I was also a very stubborn and persistent individual, even at a young age. I took all the science classes I could in high school, even if they were more than 80% boys. Now I am in a position to be able to mentor both young women and young men to achieve success and fulfill their potential and career dreams.
However, I hope that young women of voting age have had a wake up call, with the defeat of Hillary Clinton, that the glass ceiling is real, that sexism is real in the present day. Please open your eyes. That the battle for equality for the sexes and for all people is never over. There must be continual vigilance for equality and democracy to flourish. WIthout it we will quickly become a society that is even more so run by old white men, who have no idea of who the rest of are..
But I also am very grateful to have wonderful parents and great teachers, especially in junior high and freshman year of high school. I wanted to be a scientist and I still recall how supportive my 8th grade science teacher , a man, was of my ambition. And this was in a rural small town. I was also a very stubborn and persistent individual, even at a young age. I took all the science classes I could in high school, even if they were more than 80% boys. Now I am in a position to be able to mentor both young women and young men to achieve success and fulfill their potential and career dreams.
However, I hope that young women of voting age have had a wake up call, with the defeat of Hillary Clinton, that the glass ceiling is real, that sexism is real in the present day. Please open your eyes. That the battle for equality for the sexes and for all people is never over. There must be continual vigilance for equality and democracy to flourish. WIthout it we will quickly become a society that is even more so run by old white men, who have no idea of who the rest of are..
16
OK, boo hoo, I*ll admit--when I was a teenager I told everyone I wanted to marry an artist or a writer.
I did marry two guys who imagined themselves to be artists and writers, though mostly they were failures at everything in life, and I had to be the primary wage earner even though neither actually tried to earn a living off their creative gifts, and I would have loved to have been a stay-at-home mom during my child*s, you know, childhood.
Never mind. He*s a successful adult now, and in my mature years I dumped loser number two when he went a loser mile too far, and now I sit up here and write stories that actually get published and strangers in various places around the world admire them and tell me what a fine writer I am--and it*s life and maturity that have made me the writer worth reading.
Sometimes it takes a very long time to learn who you really are, and that*s your job to do, and then act accordingly.
I did marry two guys who imagined themselves to be artists and writers, though mostly they were failures at everything in life, and I had to be the primary wage earner even though neither actually tried to earn a living off their creative gifts, and I would have loved to have been a stay-at-home mom during my child*s, you know, childhood.
Never mind. He*s a successful adult now, and in my mature years I dumped loser number two when he went a loser mile too far, and now I sit up here and write stories that actually get published and strangers in various places around the world admire them and tell me what a fine writer I am--and it*s life and maturity that have made me the writer worth reading.
Sometimes it takes a very long time to learn who you really are, and that*s your job to do, and then act accordingly.
11
with our fixation on celebrity, our fascination with royalty and our affection for dynasties, a female President - be she Ivanka, Chelsea or Jenna - is just a matter of time
1
As an undergraduate In the 70s I wanted to be a biblical scholar. At the time I didn't know that I had an undiagnosed illness that was sapping my strength. (Who in their 20s thinks that could happen to them?). I went to my Hebrew professor for support and he told me that women do not have the psychological strength to be academics and he opened his desk drawer and gave me a psychiatrist's business card. Fortunately I had experienced enough confidence-building experiences in high school to recognize that his underestimation of my abilities was a big bowl of wrong, and in the ensuing four decades I've thought of him every time I pushed a boundary, overcame a fear, or persevered until I reached a goal.
Every one of those times I have also thought of the male high school teacher who taught me to stand up and speak confidently when I was the only girl in the room. He turned me into a debate champion and his coaching built in layers of strength that I drew upon as I made my way in adult life.
Every one of those times I have also thought of the male high school teacher who taught me to stand up and speak confidently when I was the only girl in the room. He turned me into a debate champion and his coaching built in layers of strength that I drew upon as I made my way in adult life.
18
Your story demonstrates how one inspiring teacher can make the difference in a young woman being able to overcome all the negative messaging.
8
I am in my early sixties and these stories deeply resonated with me. I was usually the only female in my MBA Finance classes in the mid-1970's. One of my professors addressed me as "Miss", while the men were always called by their first name. I am so proud of the women who kept following their dreams against all odds. We still have so far to go. It is now up to the young women of today to carry on, and not be deterred by preconceived gender roles.
16
Another public school rule that, with the help of my mom, I challenged was the middle-school rule that all girls had to take "Home Ecch!" (as my best friend & I called it), which taught cooking & sewing, & that all boys had to take Woodworking & Shop (metal working & auto mechanics).
I'd always loved building model ships & cars, I thought blow-torches were "wicked cool" (as we said back in the '70s), & so I wanted to take Woodworking & Shop. But even more I hated the idea of being forced to do something -- & prevented from doing something else -- bc I "was a girl." This seemed unfair, stupid, primitive, & blatant discrimination.
I was lucky that my parents were strong libertarians & liberals; intellectuals who shaped their lives according to the philosophies of Locke, Mill & Thoreau. They were what was called "Card-carrying members of the ACLU."
My dad was busy with his work outside the home, but my mom, who had alternated between being a (frustrated) stay-at-home-mom & artisan-type jobs like working at a local, William-Morris-style, printing press of beautifully appointed hardcover books, helped me challenge these gender-based rules. (As noted in my prior comment, she'd previously helped me successfully challenge a rule requiring girls to wear dresses/skirts.)
Again, we won. I got to take Woodworking & Shop -- skills I continue to use on a weekly basis today, especially doing carpentry in my home.
I'd always loved building model ships & cars, I thought blow-torches were "wicked cool" (as we said back in the '70s), & so I wanted to take Woodworking & Shop. But even more I hated the idea of being forced to do something -- & prevented from doing something else -- bc I "was a girl." This seemed unfair, stupid, primitive, & blatant discrimination.
I was lucky that my parents were strong libertarians & liberals; intellectuals who shaped their lives according to the philosophies of Locke, Mill & Thoreau. They were what was called "Card-carrying members of the ACLU."
My dad was busy with his work outside the home, but my mom, who had alternated between being a (frustrated) stay-at-home-mom & artisan-type jobs like working at a local, William-Morris-style, printing press of beautifully appointed hardcover books, helped me challenge these gender-based rules. (As noted in my prior comment, she'd previously helped me successfully challenge a rule requiring girls to wear dresses/skirts.)
Again, we won. I got to take Woodworking & Shop -- skills I continue to use on a weekly basis today, especially doing carpentry in my home.
22
I'm 71 years old. I was told I couldn't be a physician because I was a girl. My parents had my pediatrician explain that to me. Had a passing fancy to be a nuclear physisist (those were the days when nuclear energy was predicted to be perfecetly safe and too cheap to meter). There was amusemenat that I could actually spell the words, but active discouragement of the goal. I had to fight with my dad to be allowed to take chemistry in high school instead of more Latin.
12
A man once warned me, "If you lose your looks, you won't have anything."
He was right. I was lost and had nothing but youthful good skin on my side.
So I started a restaurant, a farm, a writing career and a consulting company.
Thanks unhealthy, not-very-attractive-or-rich-yourself, old dude! Though I doubt you'd find much value in me 15-years and a lot of hard work later, I'm glad I listened to what you said.
He was right. I was lost and had nothing but youthful good skin on my side.
So I started a restaurant, a farm, a writing career and a consulting company.
Thanks unhealthy, not-very-attractive-or-rich-yourself, old dude! Though I doubt you'd find much value in me 15-years and a lot of hard work later, I'm glad I listened to what you said.
11
I was told that my achievements weren't real because I was pretty. The speaker apparently believed that the University of California gives a master's degree in Looks.
5
After all, Anne, the only women one studies in history are "beautiful" or "not known for her beauty".
It isn't remarkable when a "plain" girl changes her own oil but when a "hot" girl walks into an auto shop it is epic.
So when you succeed in realtime, it has to because you are gorgeous girl, not a highly-functioning person.
It isn't remarkable when a "plain" girl changes her own oil but when a "hot" girl walks into an auto shop it is epic.
So when you succeed in realtime, it has to because you are gorgeous girl, not a highly-functioning person.
5
Wonderful article and stories. Makes me sad that for every one of these women who persevered after being told "no", there were probably 10 women who didn't. The world missed out.
25
So true indeed, sadly.
2
For every woman posting here about how her father denigrated and obstructed her dreams, there*s another woman whose father supported and encouraged her dreams.
For every woman posting here who gave up on her dreams because someone was nasty to her, there are thousands of women whose names we don't know but who never let anything stop them.
Many prospective students at the women*s center I founded in a wretchedly conservative, patriarchal country were obstructed by mothers-in-law or sisters or girl cousins, and many were encouraged by fathers-in-law or brothers or husbands.
Everywhere in life, it is the individual moral character of individuals that matters--not sex.
I had a lousy father but it was my mother who tore me down at every possible opportunity.
Life is brutally hard for most human beings and always has been. Let women use their toughness for good--and not as lifelong mean girls--and things will change.
And no--Hillary didn't lose because of misogyny. She lost because she*s Hillary.
For every woman posting here who gave up on her dreams because someone was nasty to her, there are thousands of women whose names we don't know but who never let anything stop them.
Many prospective students at the women*s center I founded in a wretchedly conservative, patriarchal country were obstructed by mothers-in-law or sisters or girl cousins, and many were encouraged by fathers-in-law or brothers or husbands.
Everywhere in life, it is the individual moral character of individuals that matters--not sex.
I had a lousy father but it was my mother who tore me down at every possible opportunity.
Life is brutally hard for most human beings and always has been. Let women use their toughness for good--and not as lifelong mean girls--and things will change.
And no--Hillary didn't lose because of misogyny. She lost because she*s Hillary.
2
Hillary faced huge numbers of votes from misogynistic men. I have many male friends. Only three voted for Hillary, sadly. The others did not vote on the Presidency - you can do that in California - vote for everything else but the Presidency, or voted for Trump. They love to hate Mrs. Clinton. They have always hated her because she is more capable than them. And frankly I know now that those "friends" are sexists, and we won't be friends any longer.
10
It's not a matter of being willing to fight. The fact is, women shouldn't have to.
I fought and won. More than once. But if I'd been male, I wouldn't have had to spend my energy on that.
I fought and won. More than once. But if I'd been male, I wouldn't have had to spend my energy on that.
8
Anne: What is this fantasy that all men have smooth sailing from birth to death?
The stories of many women presented here are more reflective of rotten families being abusive towards daughters and therefore teaching sons that is acceptable. But society doesn't force one to be horrid to one's children. Nor does personal experience of bad upbringing force one to inflict that on one's own children.
We're all responsible for our choices. And throughout my not-so-short life so far, women often treated me pretty badly. And even when spouses betrayed me, other women were complicit. So let's get honest.
The stories of many women presented here are more reflective of rotten families being abusive towards daughters and therefore teaching sons that is acceptable. But society doesn't force one to be horrid to one's children. Nor does personal experience of bad upbringing force one to inflict that on one's own children.
We're all responsible for our choices. And throughout my not-so-short life so far, women often treated me pretty badly. And even when spouses betrayed me, other women were complicit. So let's get honest.
1
I am a female graduate of Bronx High School of Science, Class of '70. At that time in NYC, the other two specialized schools were for boys only. If you were a girl, you could apply only to Bronx Science. Friends, who lived in Staten Island, took the Staten Island Rapid Transit, got on the ferry, took the 4 train from its first stop to almost the last, walked a mile or so and finally arrived at school. In those days, schools never closed for bad weather, and I need to mention that girls had to wear skirts at all times, unless they got special permission to wear pants under their dresses, went in a specially-designated school entrance and into a certain bathroom to change before their first-period class at 8 AM. Why they could not attend Stuyvesant, which would have cut over two hours a day from their commutes, is mystifying. I hope those girls have changed the world with the same determination that they showed in pursuing their educations.
29
At 10, I was getting in trouble at my Roman Catholic school in Cambria Heights (Queens) for asking the priest giving out report cards why neither the nuns nor any women was allowed at the altar with the exception of the cleaning ladies.
At 16, I was leaning-in asking the manager at the FW Woolworth in Times Square (3/28/48..my 16th birthday) why the 16 year old boy he just hired with me who had failed the little quiz we were given 3 times was being paid 15% more then me.
At 18, Queens College was a mixed bag as an economics major in the 1960s. I had some profs that worked as mentors others not so much.
At 21, I started working in the professional world five years before Affirmative Action. The night before it passed two women who had trained dozens of men inside of Citibank were promoted to Vice President, a first for that global company. But job titles did not give you equal pay, as I found myself a VP making just 60 cents to the male dollar years later.
I have been working for over fifty years now and sexual assault, sexual discrimination and the issue of equal pay is still an anchor round the necks of our society.
At 16, I was leaning-in asking the manager at the FW Woolworth in Times Square (3/28/48..my 16th birthday) why the 16 year old boy he just hired with me who had failed the little quiz we were given 3 times was being paid 15% more then me.
At 18, Queens College was a mixed bag as an economics major in the 1960s. I had some profs that worked as mentors others not so much.
At 21, I started working in the professional world five years before Affirmative Action. The night before it passed two women who had trained dozens of men inside of Citibank were promoted to Vice President, a first for that global company. But job titles did not give you equal pay, as I found myself a VP making just 60 cents to the male dollar years later.
I have been working for over fifty years now and sexual assault, sexual discrimination and the issue of equal pay is still an anchor round the necks of our society.
32
In the late 1980s I was a sergeant in the Army National Guard and one of the sharpest personnel clerks in the state. When I wanted to apply for Warrant Officer, I was told no because I was the full-time unit clerk and could not miss the 2 drill weekends to attend the warrant officer training. Meanwhile the full-time training sergeant was approved for officer candidacy and allowed to miss 12 weekends for his officer training. I quit my full-time active duty career and became a part-time reservist in order to apply for Warrant Officer. When I appeared before the selection board, there were two of us: a ‘good ole boy’ sergeant with a potbelly that made him look 9 months pregnant and me. He went first and came out in 15 minutes beaming that he was selected as a Warrant Officer Candidate. My ordeal lasted about an hour, because I was marched over to the scale in the Admin office to be weighed in front of everyone. I weighed around 129 pounds and the panel of 3 male officers thought I was overweight. After much deliberation, I was brought back before the panel and told the only reason I was being approved was because I was a woman and I would fail the officer training. I was the first woman from my state to graduate from the Warrant Officer School, taking 2 out of the 3 coveted awards – one of many firsts to come before I retired from active duty as a Chief Warrant Officer Four. The potbelly sergeant failed the course.
34
We moved from NYC to CT when I was b/n 3rd & 4th grade. Since nursery school, I'd always worn pants, mostly bc I was a tomboy who loved to climb trees, do the monkey bars, ride horses, & turn cartwheels. I hated the idea of exposing my undies.
There was also an incident on the 1st day of kindergarten (when my mom made me wear a dress), when I was sitting on a low curb on the edge of the blacktop, & a 6th grader suddenly broke out of his line, ran diagonally across the blacktop, & before I knew it, poked his middle finger into the strip of my underwear covering my genitals. Then he ran away, laughing gleefully. I didn't know about "sitting with your knees together" (I guess I learned it the hard way) but I still blamed myself for having sat that way. I realized I must've exposed my undies. And why hadn't I figured out in time what he was going to do? Stupid.
Bc I was ashamed & blamed myself, I never told anyone about the incident. (Surely someone must've seen it on that crowded blacktop, in daylight, with all the classes, K-6, & the teachers gathered in preparation to lining up & going inside. But no one else said anything either.) As a result, by 4th grade I'd essentially forgotten the incident.
Still, I hated dresses, & as an official tomboy was adamant against wearing them. It therefore came as a huge & nasty shock that my new school *required* girls to wear dresses/skirts.
I'm happy to say, tho, that with the support of my mom, I challenged the rule -- & won!
There was also an incident on the 1st day of kindergarten (when my mom made me wear a dress), when I was sitting on a low curb on the edge of the blacktop, & a 6th grader suddenly broke out of his line, ran diagonally across the blacktop, & before I knew it, poked his middle finger into the strip of my underwear covering my genitals. Then he ran away, laughing gleefully. I didn't know about "sitting with your knees together" (I guess I learned it the hard way) but I still blamed myself for having sat that way. I realized I must've exposed my undies. And why hadn't I figured out in time what he was going to do? Stupid.
Bc I was ashamed & blamed myself, I never told anyone about the incident. (Surely someone must've seen it on that crowded blacktop, in daylight, with all the classes, K-6, & the teachers gathered in preparation to lining up & going inside. But no one else said anything either.) As a result, by 4th grade I'd essentially forgotten the incident.
Still, I hated dresses, & as an official tomboy was adamant against wearing them. It therefore came as a huge & nasty shock that my new school *required* girls to wear dresses/skirts.
I'm happy to say, tho, that with the support of my mom, I challenged the rule -- & won!
27
The glass ceiling narrative has hit a bump that puts Democrats in a bind. They want to say that the low vote for Jill Stein proves sexism. But that claim is incompatible with their emerging narrative that the Stein vote gave us President Trump.
Democrats are, as a result, the proverbial donkey caught between two bales of hay.
This is what identity politics gives us.
And remember: the senate now has more women than ever. This election was about two really horrible candidates. Not gender.
https://emcphd.wordpress.com
Democrats are, as a result, the proverbial donkey caught between two bales of hay.
This is what identity politics gives us.
And remember: the senate now has more women than ever. This election was about two really horrible candidates. Not gender.
https://emcphd.wordpress.com
2
When the "more than ever" number of women in the senate hits 51, I'll lift my glass.
5
Even if the 51st includes Sarah Palin and Carly Firoina? Why do I doubt that?
https://emcphd.wordpress.com
https://emcphd.wordpress.com
Because I was a girl, my father told me he would sign my autograph book on the day I got married. (I never got married.)
Because I was a girl, my mother told me it was fine for me to go to a state college while my brother went to an elite university. (He doesn't work now; I'm still trying to make ends meet.)
There are too many "Because I was a girl" stories in this country. I am ready for a woman to be president, even if the electoral college isn't!
Because I was a girl, my mother told me it was fine for me to go to a state college while my brother went to an elite university. (He doesn't work now; I'm still trying to make ends meet.)
There are too many "Because I was a girl" stories in this country. I am ready for a woman to be president, even if the electoral college isn't!
17
Dear NY Times: I am a 72-year-old white female and have had experiences like this all my life. I don't need to add them to the amazing list in the article and in the comments. What I would like to see in a subsequent article is something that parallels this situation, only for people of color. We need to understand each other's situations, because we are all under attack these days.
41
In 1962, I was stunned to be told I couldn't be an altar "boy" and assist at Mass in my Catholic parish when I was 7 years old.
10
Is there a woman in America who doesn't have at least a half dozen of these stories? I would have shared some of mine, but instead I'll just say "Me too."
It's a long hard slog that doesn't show any sign of ending anytime soon.
It's a long hard slog that doesn't show any sign of ending anytime soon.
25
In 1977, I was a high school senior in a dying steel town in OH, heading east for college. The band parents had started a scholarship fund, and even though it was only $150, they took it very seriously, and assembled a committee of 8 parents, chaired by my principal. I went for the interview, sat down and spoke about my academic plans: a poli sci degree, followed by law school (to which I had already been admitted), and the social impact that I wanted to make on the world.
My principal listened, nodded, and said this: "Very impressive. You have clearly thought through your goals and future. But you don't seem to have made any plans for a husband and children."
I heard my mother's voice saying "count to 10". I made it to 3, and said "First, I'm not going to college for an MRS degree. Second, while I think a husband and children would be great, I don't think you can actually schedule that. I think it just happens. And third, how many of the male applicants did you ask that question?"
At least he had the good grace to turn beet red. Later that night, one of the parents called my mom to say that when I graduated, she wanted *me* to be her lawyer.
Oh, and I got the scholarship.
My principal listened, nodded, and said this: "Very impressive. You have clearly thought through your goals and future. But you don't seem to have made any plans for a husband and children."
I heard my mother's voice saying "count to 10". I made it to 3, and said "First, I'm not going to college for an MRS degree. Second, while I think a husband and children would be great, I don't think you can actually schedule that. I think it just happens. And third, how many of the male applicants did you ask that question?"
At least he had the good grace to turn beet red. Later that night, one of the parents called my mom to say that when I graduated, she wanted *me* to be her lawyer.
Oh, and I got the scholarship.
48
After having a double major in college, and earning two degrees, I was told that I have to learn how to type because I would never get a job as a secretary (the only job open to women other than teacher) unless I was a great typist. My father advised against this, and I never learned how to type. I am 70.
11
My story mirrors yours, but I am 12 years younger. I was 20 when I graduated.
I, though, did type a little, and worked as a secretary for a while, and hated it.
I, though, did type a little, and worked as a secretary for a while, and hated it.
3
I graduated from Penn State in 1987 with a M.S. degree in Agricultural Economics. The first position I applied for in Ag Banking had a pool of 16 men and me. The older gentleman who interviewed me made a little small talk, and then said "All the girls I hire just get pregnant and quit on me". Needless to say I wasn't asked back. I was eventually hired in another state, and moved up the ranks - but even as a senior manager in the last decade I had to face comments like "she just needs a man" when advocating strongly for my team. We still have a long way to go, but I do see things improving. The language and insinuations made during the recent political campaign won't help. However, supportive parents do. Mine always communicated that we look at any field of interest. I started out in continuing education, but decided I wanted to get back to my roots. Mom was nervous - I had a good job (filled with women), but Dad was on my side day one (Mom came around too). I was always Dad's "little girl" until the day he died, but no one would have dared tell him there wasn't anything I couldn't do. Parents matter - mine were terrific.
15
I just now realized that I failed my father, my schools, and my husband simply by succeeding against their will.
18
In elementary school, early 60s, I suggested that So America and Africa were once connected. The male teacher berated me in front of the class. Then in high school, I was told I couldn't be an Oceanographer because I was female even though I was the top student in the class. I went on to be one of the first 8 female C-130 crew chiefs. I won't bother you with the harrassment and discrimination that I endured. I'm truly dumbfounded.
16
I was in Science class in 6th grade and we were discussing convection with examples. Everyone was giving cold or cool answers. I put up my hand and said Oven. Everyone cracked up. After they quieted down, the teacher said, very quietly, " she's right". Thank you Mr. Samuels.
1
Wanted to take mechanics in High School, girls were not allowed. My Dad was a master machinist and I took after him. I scored the highest on the mechanical aptitude test in our grade in high school. Decided to become an artist but felt too isolated. Turned to construction and was hired as a journey-person. After being sexually harassed for a year and a half instead of leaving I began studying for my contractors license, took the exam, passed and quit my job. I was asked to come back at twice the hourly rate. I declined and became a superintendent for another construction company. This year will be my 28th anniversary as a licensed General Building Contractor. I am a master builder and my favorite motto is; Nothing is impossible. And I couldn't have gotten here without the good men and women who understood and supported me. Now it's time to give back. Age 62
25
When I graduated from high school without an engagement ring on my finger, I was told I had officially become an old maid. My father who loved me told me that I would never be able to make it on my own – never be able to own a car, rent an apartment, hold a job. I wanted to volunteer for the Peace Corps but I was forbidden. I applied to a prestigious Chicago advertising agency for an entry-level position. They told me that they would love to have me work as a secretary but not as a page. They said that secretaries stayed put in an office and pages got to go around the entire office complex so they would learn the business and how to advance - something I wouldn't be able to do because I wasn't a man I applied for a job in retail and was asked directly if I was on birth control. I could go on for an hour. These things didn't stop me but I often wonder what it might have been like if I had been viewed as a full fledged human being.
32
As a woman--OK, I started as a girl--all my life, the most vicious obstructors to even modest goals I might have had were always other girls or women.
When I founded a women*s vocational and literacy center in an extremely conservative city in an extremely conservative and patriarchal country, our worst enemies were other women and some of our best friends were men.
In most other living species, males need to creatively and persistently court females, and sometimes get dispatched after mating for their pains. Women are as unempowered as other women make them.
It*s not as though human history isn't filled with remarkable women who managed to rule large swathes of territory despite considerable intrigue against them, or who managed to leave their mark in science and the arts and whose names have endured long enough to come down to us.
Stop moaning, ladies. Life has always been unfair. Boys have been forced into war where their young and hopeful lives were cut off before they*d even had time to think about goals and dreams. Boys have been forced, by the need to help their families, into work of grinding despair, just as girls have been, since the beginning of time.
Those of us who refused to have Hillary shoved down our throats didn't gag on her because she*s a woman. It*s because she*s Hillary Clinton.
When I founded a women*s vocational and literacy center in an extremely conservative city in an extremely conservative and patriarchal country, our worst enemies were other women and some of our best friends were men.
In most other living species, males need to creatively and persistently court females, and sometimes get dispatched after mating for their pains. Women are as unempowered as other women make them.
It*s not as though human history isn't filled with remarkable women who managed to rule large swathes of territory despite considerable intrigue against them, or who managed to leave their mark in science and the arts and whose names have endured long enough to come down to us.
Stop moaning, ladies. Life has always been unfair. Boys have been forced into war where their young and hopeful lives were cut off before they*d even had time to think about goals and dreams. Boys have been forced, by the need to help their families, into work of grinding despair, just as girls have been, since the beginning of time.
Those of us who refused to have Hillary shoved down our throats didn't gag on her because she*s a woman. It*s because she*s Hillary Clinton.
4
My Sunday school teacher told me that I was smart enough to be a rebbetzin. I never asked, "why not a rabbi?" But there were no female rabbis then...so I became a doctor.
Later, in 5th grade , the science teacher only let boys be present as the class rodent gave birth. We all asked why no girls could be there, because obviously it was a female rodent. The answer was simply, "Because this is for boys. "
Today, I am a doctor and not a rabbi but I am qualified to lead prayers and read from the Torah scroll in my egalitarian synagogue. So there!
Later, in 5th grade , the science teacher only let boys be present as the class rodent gave birth. We all asked why no girls could be there, because obviously it was a female rodent. The answer was simply, "Because this is for boys. "
Today, I am a doctor and not a rabbi but I am qualified to lead prayers and read from the Torah scroll in my egalitarian synagogue. So there!
22
not to whistle,as in a happy tune,which I would do often,when I wasn't up to singing. a small thing,but one of the very few comments he ever made on behavior.and my mother warned me not to sit on a stone or marble step or surface of any kind lest I get a cold up though my system and I would never be able to have children.
10
When I was an undergraduate in the 1950s it was hard for a woman to get into medical school but I was told that it was impossible for a woman to get into veterinary medical school. I was very happy about the change that has occurred during my life time. In the 1980s I had to take a sick dog to the veterinary medical school at Davis California. Our dog had an unusual condition so a large number of students wanted to examine him. Not only were there a large number of female students but they appeared to be in the majority!
10
I know that at one of the best vet med schools in the country, Ohio State University has quite a high majority of women med students and residents. When my dog was being treated there for an extended period of six months,, nearly all the students and veterinarians I encountered in multiple specialties were women, more than 80%. Also I know the medical student classes in many if not not all medical schools are majority women these days. Hopefully this will happen in many more career areas.
When I was 13 I wanted to compete in a design competition held by Ford Motor Company to render ideas for cars of the future. I received a letter from the company telling me the competition was not open to girls.
34
Wish we could drive the car you would have designed.
13
I am a retired Naval Officer. When I wanted to join the Navy after college I took the tests and scored in the 90th percentiles on all of them. I wanted to be a pilot but was not allowed to do that because in 1980 there were only a few females allowed into that group. Had an interesting career nevertheless, became pretty good at dealing with sexual harassment; was sometimes called a word that rhymes with witch! Most of the men - and women - I served with were wonderful.
12
I wanted to go to one of the maritime academies when I graduated high school, but not an option for girls in those days. Even the Naval Academy didn't accept women. So I worked around on boats and industries on shore (like fish cleaning) for a while, eventually learning to plead my case to the equal opportunity officer in corporate HR offices. Then I started to get jobs. Got hired, worked some tough shipboard jobs with much harassment, some violent. Was told repeatedly that if I did this or lifted that heavy line, I'd "rupture my female parts" and never have children. 1% of merchant mariners in those days were women. I earned USCG advanced certifications. I worked hard for those opportunities and faced near-constant harassment and discrimination.
After a decade, I left the industry and went to graduate school. Later, in 1989, the federal government finally criminalized sexual assault on U.S. flag vessels and SCOTUS held that employers were liable for sexual discrimination and harassment. In 1991, the federal government passed laws that allowed women to sue employers for monetary damages in sexual discrimination cases. In 1998, SCOTUS strengthened sexual harassment laws in the workplace. Like pedigrees in Ohio, I too worry that some younger women take their opportunities for granted. Don't forget that some women paid very dearly for those opportunities and that without federal protections, we would not be where we are today.
After a decade, I left the industry and went to graduate school. Later, in 1989, the federal government finally criminalized sexual assault on U.S. flag vessels and SCOTUS held that employers were liable for sexual discrimination and harassment. In 1991, the federal government passed laws that allowed women to sue employers for monetary damages in sexual discrimination cases. In 1998, SCOTUS strengthened sexual harassment laws in the workplace. Like pedigrees in Ohio, I too worry that some younger women take their opportunities for granted. Don't forget that some women paid very dearly for those opportunities and that without federal protections, we would not be where we are today.
23
Growing up I was the eldest of 7, 3 boys before another girl. I was responsible for doing laundry, making dinner, and doing the dishes. My brothers mowed the lawn, took out the garbage. I quickly figured out at 15 that if I lied about my age I could get a job as hostess at a local restaurant, which cut back on the household tasks. At 16 I applied to be a foreign exchange student and was given a scholarship to go. Brazil was not only a long way from household tasks and where I lived in a home with servants, but a crash course in global relations, poverty, soccer, and beauty on a scale I had never seen. I got a glimpse of what I wanted in my future. Out of my 7 siblings, I was the only one to enroll in college. I worked 2 jobs in the summer to earn less than what my brothers, who were golf caddies, earned in one day. I was forced to drop out when my mother was hospitalized and eventually died --- who else would run the house? I left when she died, never to return to live in the same state again. Sadly, I never got my degree as I had no money to return to school and entered the corporate work world where I've had my share of sexual discrimination. After being laid off at 58 as a Director, it's impossible to find another well-paying job as not only is there age discrimination, but "you don't have a degree". Forty-two years later I've now enrolled in college again. I'll finish my degree, even if I die while trying. At least my obituary would read, "She was a student at UCONN."
44
As they say - You Go Girl!
5
Go Woman Go!
3
Go for it, Elle. It will be worth it. And look for another job. You may just get it!
4
When I was admitted into the Massachusetts Institute of Technology for college, one of my closest male friends, who I had known since first grade, told met that I got in because of affirmative action. When I got to MIT, I carried that sentiment with me, always wondering if I was an imposter. The fear that I wasn't smart enough drove me to get two degrees in four years, and to graduate magna cum laude from Harvard Law School thereafter.
I now know that he was wrong, but his comment struck a chord deep inside of me, resonating with social expectations for women everywhere. When Hillary lost the election, it felt like a personal tragedy. I may have proven my childhood friend wrong, but I don't think the rest of the country is ready to give up our social narrative about women.
I now know that he was wrong, but his comment struck a chord deep inside of me, resonating with social expectations for women everywhere. When Hillary lost the election, it felt like a personal tragedy. I may have proven my childhood friend wrong, but I don't think the rest of the country is ready to give up our social narrative about women.
67
Social narratives seem to have lives of their own.
7
This happened to me too, accepted early admission to MIT only to overhear my close friend who did not get in complaining to a guidance counsellor that I had gotten in instead of him because I was a girl. This fortunately only made me think he was an immature sore loser not that I got in because I was female.
There are as many stories of disappointment as there are women's dreams to be trashed by men who feel that because they are men they get to define the world.
My father was one.
Born with a pencil in hand I knew by age three that I was going to be an artist. At 16, while they were in a bitter divorce that was all his fault he said to me "You don't have any talent." Then he added that he wanted grandchildren. That cut never healed. I walked away from art school, and from him, and never looked back - when someone calls you a brood cow it destroys everything.
What is it with white males and cruelty? What is it with white males and sexual entitlement? What is it with white males and their abuse of power and their denigration of others? There are as many stories of women being told they can't do something as there are insects on the earth...and still men do this again and again, over and over. And now the looming darkness of a government full of these same men fills the future. It makes me afraid but it also makes me very very angry.
My father was one.
Born with a pencil in hand I knew by age three that I was going to be an artist. At 16, while they were in a bitter divorce that was all his fault he said to me "You don't have any talent." Then he added that he wanted grandchildren. That cut never healed. I walked away from art school, and from him, and never looked back - when someone calls you a brood cow it destroys everything.
What is it with white males and cruelty? What is it with white males and sexual entitlement? What is it with white males and their abuse of power and their denigration of others? There are as many stories of women being told they can't do something as there are insects on the earth...and still men do this again and again, over and over. And now the looming darkness of a government full of these same men fills the future. It makes me afraid but it also makes me very very angry.
35
My earlier comment was personal, a tribute to my parents. In the global sphere, families must educate boys to respect girls as equals and to instill confidence for girls to succeed, not limiting their dreams. I was very fortunate my parents supported my aspirations, but there are many families who don't see their daughters as CEOs, POTUS, physicians, or a supervisor in a factory managing male workers. If parents and sons don't dream big for their daughters and sisters, the glass ceiling will never break and there will always be the Trumps of the world who think locker room talk is appropriate, that women are meant to be objectified, not worthy of equal success with men.
13
Elena - I think what I am reading here is that many of the contributors experienced severe discrimination in the home, first - and fought that one their own. I did. I think the pain of being discriminated against, like the fact that my first science project at age 7 was on time, since we did not know about it, informs me of who I am, better than anything. I was a true philosopher at age 3. I asked questions, like to my nuns, at seven, who were stunned when I asked, Why do I feel more guilty after going to confession than before? I questioned. Allot of us are crushed by the single mindedness of men, and have many hard memories of all of it - education, trying to have equality in a heterosexual relationship, and respect from our families.
But we fight it.
But we fight it.
2
I was told, in 1988, by my male high school guidance counselor that I could not apply to Columbia because it was all-male. It went co-ed in 1983. Slightly different scenario, but along the same vein.
13
I wrote a popular newspaper column about sports for seven years, and one day I received a call from the sports editor of a major newspaper. He complimented me on my writing and told me how much he enjoyed reading my pieces each week, but he would never publish it in his own newspaper because men won't read a sports column written by a woman.
9
While in high school I joined the Army Reserves. I scored higher than a boy next to me on a standardized intelligence test. He was offered a job in military intelligence. I was offered a job as a cook. I said I didn't want to be a cook, but was told that was the only job available for me. When I went to Army cooking school for the summer, there was a young African American man there who knew four languages and had wanted to be a linguist for the Army. Like me, he was sent to cooking school.
28
It was 1980. While going to college I worked in a movie theater. The first time I saw the projectors I HAD to learn how to work as a projectionist....but was told that only men could do that! Of course the management never heard the end of it until I got my way. Today, I still practice my craft at major film festivals and at the small theater I own. I started out being the only woman doing this in my hometown, moved to NYC, was one of few, and now am surrounded by a large number of talented women who are at the top of this rare profession.
18
Those giant reels of film always seemed like such magical things to handle. Glad you're doing it.
6
In the 90's I worked at a pizza place in Lacey, WA, that only let men toss the dough and make the pizzas. I really didn't have much interest in making pizzas, but I was a shy introvert and making pizzas in the back seemed much better than working the cash register in the front. Ps. If you live in Lacey, Wa ask your favorite pizza place if they only let men toss the dough. It's time to end this discrimination now.
1
When I was in high school in 1990, I was taking a sociology class. My then-boyfriend and a few of his buddies happened to be in the class, and we tended to work together on group assignments.
After the first such project, I delivered our presentation. Our teacher complimented me on the work, and then said, "I have to ask: How is it that in a group with four boys, it's the one girl who is the spokesman?" The boys shrugged and said, "She's smarter than us." (What they didn't say was I also had done most of the work.)
I honestly believe the teacher wasn't being sexist, but making us think about societal norms. I had always assumed, growing up in a time when women were becoming doctors, lawyers, astronauts and senators, that gender inequality no longer existed. This teacher's question was one of the first inklings I had that it did still exist.
Sadly, it would not be the last. Only the most subtle.
After the first such project, I delivered our presentation. Our teacher complimented me on the work, and then said, "I have to ask: How is it that in a group with four boys, it's the one girl who is the spokesman?" The boys shrugged and said, "She's smarter than us." (What they didn't say was I also had done most of the work.)
I honestly believe the teacher wasn't being sexist, but making us think about societal norms. I had always assumed, growing up in a time when women were becoming doctors, lawyers, astronauts and senators, that gender inequality no longer existed. This teacher's question was one of the first inklings I had that it did still exist.
Sadly, it would not be the last. Only the most subtle.
11
In my Catholic elementary school in Jersey City in the 1970s, I was told by a nun that I would not proceed to the county spelling bee because, despite my consistently being the top speller in the class and being left standing with a boy at the school spelling bee, "he's a boy." She cut the contest short when she realized that I was not going to go down without a fight despite my being a quiet, shy student. To this day I remember the feeling I had inside - a burning sensation, nausea, intense disappointment, anger, and hatred as such a young girl. My only consolation was that he was eliminated in the first round of the county bee. It occurs to me now that I witnessed numerous times when women used the words "because you're a girl" or "because he's a man" so as not to "rock the boat." Shame on them.
15
In 1972, I was a broadcast journalism major at the University of Missouri, one of the best journalism schools in the country for blue collar students like myself. The New York Times had published the Pentagon papers and the Washington Post was beginning to start writing about the Watergate break in.
Missouri owned an actual, NBC TV station and another student and I were driving to Jefferson City (Missouri's state capital) to interview the Governor. Mini-skirts were the fashion of the day and my friend kept on asking me to crawl into the back of the station wagon to retrieve a tripod, lights, a microphone, you name it. I finally asked why he needed me to get all these things and he said: "I just wanted to look up your skirt!" So much for my aspirations to be the next Walter Cronkite.
I was married in 1973 and at age 21, I had my first journalism job working in New York City as a reporter for a trade publication called, embarrassingly, "American Metal Market." More than anything, I wanted to get into a steel mill to see the blast furnaces. Spokesmen for two of the country's biggest steel manufacturers, U.S. Steel and Bethlehem Steel, both told me I could not get a press pass because I was just a girl and I might get hurt.
I eventually broke out of the backwaters of journalism and went on to work for Reuters. I had a few interesting jobs after that, but finally found the best possible job for me -- an executive speechwriter at Verizon. I had arrived!
Missouri owned an actual, NBC TV station and another student and I were driving to Jefferson City (Missouri's state capital) to interview the Governor. Mini-skirts were the fashion of the day and my friend kept on asking me to crawl into the back of the station wagon to retrieve a tripod, lights, a microphone, you name it. I finally asked why he needed me to get all these things and he said: "I just wanted to look up your skirt!" So much for my aspirations to be the next Walter Cronkite.
I was married in 1973 and at age 21, I had my first journalism job working in New York City as a reporter for a trade publication called, embarrassingly, "American Metal Market." More than anything, I wanted to get into a steel mill to see the blast furnaces. Spokesmen for two of the country's biggest steel manufacturers, U.S. Steel and Bethlehem Steel, both told me I could not get a press pass because I was just a girl and I might get hurt.
I eventually broke out of the backwaters of journalism and went on to work for Reuters. I had a few interesting jobs after that, but finally found the best possible job for me -- an executive speechwriter at Verizon. I had arrived!
3
In high school in the mid 70's, they decided that the all male swim team would accept females for the first time. I tried out with a handful of other girls. It was tough, but I made it through all the practice runs. When the coach posted the list of those that made the team, I had been cut but two of the girls who had much slower times than me had made the team. I went to the coach to ask for an explanation. His exact words, looking me straight in the eye, "I just thought the other two girls would get along better with the boys on bus". I held onto my anger over this for decades, right through a fabulous lengthy career as a media professional. It made me compete harder. Also, I can still do a killer backstroke.
20
At the top of my high school class in 1966, I wanted to study pre-med. At one of the colleges I visited, I was told point-blank I wouldn’t be accepted because “women drop out to get married.” So I went to Douglass College, at the time an all-women’s college where EVERYTHING was open to me. At Douglass I majored in something else but the decision was mine.
Years later, working in the film industry, I was helped by several wonderful men who cared more about my ability to do the work than my gender. One of them hired me as sound recordist in spite of the client’s request for no women on the set. Another offered to fire the leading man who had put his hand down the front of my shirt as I leaned close to adjust his microphone.
In 2003, I started my own video production company. I had to fire one of the few males that worked for me because he treated me not as a boss, but as an annoying mother, scowling, making snide remarks and ignoring directions. Not by design but by chance, I wound up with an all-woman staff. We hauled around and operated heavy cameras and lights, and ran and maintained several editing rooms full of computers and video decks connected by miles of cables. Yet when we moved to a larger office, the owner of the moving company wanted to talk to our “tech guy.” I looked him in the eye and told him I was the “tech guy.” We used another moving company.
I’m retired now, but I haven’t forgotten. These memories and many more came back as I was reading these comments.
Years later, working in the film industry, I was helped by several wonderful men who cared more about my ability to do the work than my gender. One of them hired me as sound recordist in spite of the client’s request for no women on the set. Another offered to fire the leading man who had put his hand down the front of my shirt as I leaned close to adjust his microphone.
In 2003, I started my own video production company. I had to fire one of the few males that worked for me because he treated me not as a boss, but as an annoying mother, scowling, making snide remarks and ignoring directions. Not by design but by chance, I wound up with an all-woman staff. We hauled around and operated heavy cameras and lights, and ran and maintained several editing rooms full of computers and video decks connected by miles of cables. Yet when we moved to a larger office, the owner of the moving company wanted to talk to our “tech guy.” I looked him in the eye and told him I was the “tech guy.” We used another moving company.
I’m retired now, but I haven’t forgotten. These memories and many more came back as I was reading these comments.
20
I married into a family of "men" who are unimaginably sexist.
All three are NY Ivy League lawyers-bankers, all have "risen" to the "top" in their "fields". They are seemingly quiet men, but super sneaky so I never understood their deep disregard for girls.
There were many missed and overlooked clues.
The oldest is a Trust & Estates attorney who "made a will" for me, without explaining it. I did not imagine his deep disgust towards girls, but after I'd filed for divorce, and began to go through paper work, I was shocked to see buried in the will he had drawn up, and stamped "Original In the vaults of DPW", a paragraph that said "Should I ever file for divorce, I deem myself deceased."
If that's not sexist, I don't know what is. It's not legal to deem yourself deceased, to my knowledge, so it was his opinion of girls as non-human that has shocked me more than anything I have heard any male say about any woman, whether it's "locker room talk" or attacks. I don't hate "boys", so I deeply fail to understand male hatred of girls. I believe women, now, have less rights than ever, in many ways. After all, thanks to him, I signed a document, authored by him, whereby I "deem myself deceased".
He actually put those words in a will he drew up, with I as his "client", wife of his brother, his sister-in-law, mother of his niece/nephew.
The takeaway is if you're a male and hate yourself you'll hate girls and use and abuse them.
All three are NY Ivy League lawyers-bankers, all have "risen" to the "top" in their "fields". They are seemingly quiet men, but super sneaky so I never understood their deep disregard for girls.
There were many missed and overlooked clues.
The oldest is a Trust & Estates attorney who "made a will" for me, without explaining it. I did not imagine his deep disgust towards girls, but after I'd filed for divorce, and began to go through paper work, I was shocked to see buried in the will he had drawn up, and stamped "Original In the vaults of DPW", a paragraph that said "Should I ever file for divorce, I deem myself deceased."
If that's not sexist, I don't know what is. It's not legal to deem yourself deceased, to my knowledge, so it was his opinion of girls as non-human that has shocked me more than anything I have heard any male say about any woman, whether it's "locker room talk" or attacks. I don't hate "boys", so I deeply fail to understand male hatred of girls. I believe women, now, have less rights than ever, in many ways. After all, thanks to him, I signed a document, authored by him, whereby I "deem myself deceased".
He actually put those words in a will he drew up, with I as his "client", wife of his brother, his sister-in-law, mother of his niece/nephew.
The takeaway is if you're a male and hate yourself you'll hate girls and use and abuse them.
26
The way men financially manipulate women is despicable. This is a shocking example and brings to mind the eloquence of Virginia Woolf and her essay “A Room of One’s Own.”
"The title of the essay comes from Woolf's conception that, "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction” …. The title also refers to any author's need for poetic licence and the personal liberty to create art." Wikipedia
When Ms. Oxman speaks of this eldest brother’s self-hatred, I wonder if he might have secretly wished to be in a more creative field. Instead societal pressures (?) produced a “boring lawyer” who could only get satisfaction by making close family members suffer. Such a shame.
Good luck in whatever the future holds.
"The title of the essay comes from Woolf's conception that, "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction” …. The title also refers to any author's need for poetic licence and the personal liberty to create art." Wikipedia
When Ms. Oxman speaks of this eldest brother’s self-hatred, I wonder if he might have secretly wished to be in a more creative field. Instead societal pressures (?) produced a “boring lawyer” who could only get satisfaction by making close family members suffer. Such a shame.
Good luck in whatever the future holds.
7
This does not excuse his failure to walk through the will and explain the meaning and significance of each paragraph, but, under certain default rules in the law, there was a possibility that you could have inherited from your ex-husband. This paragraph ensures (as belt and suspenders) that you don't inherit from him (which I'm guessing reflects what both of you would have wanted). Nevertheless, it was thoughtless of your BIL to not explain this to you, as there was no reason for you not to be hurt by this legal language when you don't know it's legal significance.
1
No, he never told me the language was even there and your explanation is the first time it's ever been explained to me.
Thank you for taking the time, but I would have never agreed to it, which is why they never told me it was there.
Thank you for taking the time, but I would have never agreed to it, which is why they never told me it was there.
1
As a kid, my parents sent me to skating lessons. The skating teacher said, Girls can't wear hockey skates. I didn't have figure skates, so he made me sit and watch the class all winter.
I told my parents years later. They asked why I hadn't told them sooner. I think because it seemed normal.
I told my parents years later. They asked why I hadn't told them sooner. I think because it seemed normal.
13
I came home with hockey skates a bought with my own money and my father made me take them back. I came home with racing skates instead. I got to keep them, thanks to Bonnie Blair!
2
Way too many of these stories and comments focus on stuff that happened anytime between 1950 and 1990 as if this stuff isn't happening among adults today. But just a few years ago, while in law school, a male student (who was purportedly a friend and mentor) told me that I would get the coveted fellowship at the court for my 3L year because "they like to fill those positions with girls and then hire the men for the real clerkships after they graduate." When I was one of only a few people to get a job at a big law firm, the men on law review told me it was a diversity hire. Then, after some time at the law firm, when I told some younger female associates that the track towards partnerships can get thrown off by so many unexpected (and sometimes unfair things), they complained to the partners that I was being awful and bleak, so I was asked to leave the firm. Ha. I just realized I could relate to Hillary.
16
I owe my mother a huge debt of gratitude. She did not want me to take the second semester of typing class and she said to me, “Don’t learn to type TOO well because if you do, you’ll end up typing things for your bosses instead of typing your own words.” I had a great career as an advertising copywriter, typing well enough. Never did learn the numbers! Retired now, age 71. May her memory be a blessing.
37
What sage advice from your mom: don't type too well.
5
In 1967 my high school agreed to let me take wood shop - with some rules. I had to be on time to the shop but couldn't wear skirts. I was told I was the first girl in Washington State to take wood shop. Pants were not allowed on girls in our school, so in 5 minutes I had to run to change clothes and never was late for classes. The girl's counselor was very dismayed telling me girls don't do that stuff and told my parents I must on drugs or mentally ill. The shop teacher worked hard to not discriminate but was reluctant to let me use power tools. The worst were the other students who called me names and accused me of being "queer" (now known as LGBT) and the gym teacher who didn't want me in the showers so flunked me and assigned me to study hall. No one stood up for me but myself. I went on to become a social worker, have a great husband and 4 wonderful children and have had a lifetime of woodworking as a hobby, including purchasing and fixing up our old run down house into a showplace. I have never gone to a high school reunion.
26
There was a really smart boy in my high school class who probably could have skipped a grade or two. So it was a surprise to everyone when I got into Harvard and he didn't. I was smart but not skip a grade smart, but my guess is I was an appealing applicant because my grades were better, my test scores the same, I did a ton more extracurriculars and I probably wrote a better essay. Anyway, another (white) boy in our class said to me that they must have picked me instead because I was Asian. A bunch of classmates protested, saying it was more competitive if you were Asian. So then he said it must have been because I was a girl. And everyone let that stand. It was 1993.
17
I was told that I couldn't be an engineer.
9
I attended a small, Catholic parochial school in West Virginia. During recess the 8th grade girls had to set the tables for the hot lunch while the boys were allowed to play outside. Setting the tables was obviously "girls work."
8
As a child, my parents wanted me to be a doctor. I not only played with Barbie dolls, but loved experimenting with chemistry kits, a microscope and was an honor roll student in STEM before STEM became an academic awareness for girls. Attended a prestigious university. My parents never stifled my aspirations nor had they demanded I marry and have children. I chose a different road than medicine, but never had a glass ceiling as a girl.
As a woman in finance, I thank my parents in imparting confidence, passion, philanthropy of spirt, empathy, integrity leading to benevolent success. Yes there are many challenges for women, but it's up to the family to shatter the glass ceiling. By the way, my Dad emigrated to America to be a patriotic hardworking citizen and my mother prematurely passed, never attended college. Was fortunate, my parents supported my aspirations, studied hard and did break the glass ceiling. This comment is dedicated to my late mother who thought I was her hero rather she was my hero. Thank you.
As a woman in finance, I thank my parents in imparting confidence, passion, philanthropy of spirt, empathy, integrity leading to benevolent success. Yes there are many challenges for women, but it's up to the family to shatter the glass ceiling. By the way, my Dad emigrated to America to be a patriotic hardworking citizen and my mother prematurely passed, never attended college. Was fortunate, my parents supported my aspirations, studied hard and did break the glass ceiling. This comment is dedicated to my late mother who thought I was her hero rather she was my hero. Thank you.
14
In 1981, upon graduating from a small liberal arts college, a male friend and I both applied for a position as a manager at the college field campus. We had very similar work histories, and had both had been employed as student assistants at the campus for a equal periods of time. We also had identical majors, and very similar coursework with the exception that I was a better student, and had attended the college with an academic scholarship.
A few weeks after applying, I was surprised to learn that my male friend had been hired for the position, as I had not been contacted in any manner, even to acknowledge receipt of my application.
When asked why I was not even granted an interview, the college president replied simply that “I wouldn’t hire a woman for that position”. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I had been so naïve - that my time, work, and money had been wasted on a degree apparently made useless by my gender. (And the college still has the nerve to request my contribution to the alumni fund!)
Thirty years later, I left a position with a state agency, after my requests for a position reclassification and pay adjustmentwere delayed for 2 years. The position was then reclassified as I had suggested, the duties reduced, and the man who was hired receives 30% more pay.
Progress? Yes. Enough? Not by a long shot. Today there are fewer examples of “You can’t do the job”, but abundant examples of “You can do the job, but don’t expect the same pay”.
A few weeks after applying, I was surprised to learn that my male friend had been hired for the position, as I had not been contacted in any manner, even to acknowledge receipt of my application.
When asked why I was not even granted an interview, the college president replied simply that “I wouldn’t hire a woman for that position”. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I had been so naïve - that my time, work, and money had been wasted on a degree apparently made useless by my gender. (And the college still has the nerve to request my contribution to the alumni fund!)
Thirty years later, I left a position with a state agency, after my requests for a position reclassification and pay adjustmentwere delayed for 2 years. The position was then reclassified as I had suggested, the duties reduced, and the man who was hired receives 30% more pay.
Progress? Yes. Enough? Not by a long shot. Today there are fewer examples of “You can’t do the job”, but abundant examples of “You can do the job, but don’t expect the same pay”.
19
when I was a senior in college in 1971 I decided to apply to medical school. I was shocked when my professors all said I'd never get in because they didn't take women. It was the first time I was every denied because of my gender. That year I wasn't accepted but it stiffened my resolve and the next year I entered medical school.
13
How true; the U.S., as most countries, has a gender issue, where women are belittled in spite of the fact they have shown, over and over again their superior and calm judgment, and their proven record of getting things done. After all, they raised us,and made us sometimes decent human beings, although more insecure, hence, our need to put the thumb down on women's assertiveness, right? This country i s shamelessly wasting the potential capital for doing good in this world of ours, women's promise. For now, it seems we men are making a fool of ourselves by abusing our shaky dominance. And the sooner we realize our stupidity, the better.
1
When I was 7, I told my mother that when I grew up, I wanted to be the president. She laughed and told me girls couldn't be president. Sadly, that still seems to be the case.
9
During my first interview at an advertising agency I was told I couldn't be an account executive. "AE's have to do whatever the client wants," the president of the agency said. "And you'll have to sleep with them if they want." That didn't cut the deepest, however. My father did that by repeatedly saying "any cat can have kittens," and, when I achieved higher grades than my brother at school, he kept commenting "if only you were my son." Hillary didn't need to become president for me to unlearn place into which I was put. The women's movement and its leaders did that. But instead of a woman president, we have a misogynist. That's what cuts and causes the memories and the tears.
25
hurdling barriers requires a hurdler, not someone who walks around hurdles.
2
Maybe. But it takes a certain ingenuity to walk around them, too.
16
After serving in the Peace Corps in the 70's in primitive conditions I was denied a job that involved climbing a 5 foot ladder located outside a tank for sampling.
I contacted my college center telling them I was denied this job because I was a woman. They contacted company owner who then called me to offer me the job. I was delighted to turn him down.
I contacted my college center telling them I was denied this job because I was a woman. They contacted company owner who then called me to offer me the job. I was delighted to turn him down.
7
Last summer, when my boss introduced me to an older man and said I would be attending Williams College in the fall, the man exclaimed, "Wow! I guess there is something going on inside that pretty blonde head of yours." As if it was abnormal that a blonde woman could attend a top college.
This summer, one of my male coworkers (Mike) did not understand the statistical analysis I preformed on a data set we were working with. Instead of asking me to explain it, he asked our other male coworker (John) what I did. When John could not explain my work (he does not study statistics), Mike gave up and suggested we find a new way to work with the data, without using my work. With every task I preformed that summer, Mike neglected his own work check over my work. He never once checked over John's work. I was proud Mike never found any justification for questioning my ability or competence.
This summer, one of my male coworkers (Mike) did not understand the statistical analysis I preformed on a data set we were working with. Instead of asking me to explain it, he asked our other male coworker (John) what I did. When John could not explain my work (he does not study statistics), Mike gave up and suggested we find a new way to work with the data, without using my work. With every task I preformed that summer, Mike neglected his own work check over my work. He never once checked over John's work. I was proud Mike never found any justification for questioning my ability or competence.
17
Amazed that this is still happening even today!
2
"A giant gender barrier was nearly hurdled."
If breaking the glass ceiling means electing any woman - regardless of how out of touch and out of step she is - then clearly it is not a barrier.
https://emcphd.wordpress.com
If breaking the glass ceiling means electing any woman - regardless of how out of touch and out of step she is - then clearly it is not a barrier.
https://emcphd.wordpress.com
3
In 1964 I applied for a job at Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif. I got a telegram (they used to do that back then) that I had been accepted for the position and to come in and meet with Human Resources. During the HR meeting I was told I would have to pass a typing test - I didn't type. No where on my resume did it say anything about typing. Typing had no relevance to the job I was being hired for. The HR manager agreed and said I would probably never use it but --- all women had to pass a typing test - no matter the position - before being hired by JPL. I didn't get the job. I finally gave up trying to live a dream. My boyfriend wanted to get married, so I did. I got married, had three children, became a housewife and still, at 73 years old have always wondered what I might have accomplished.
122
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish the HR manager had done the right thing and waived the test. Do you know what's funny? I deliberately avoided learning typing for as long as I could. You see, my Mom was a secretary, and she hated being a secretary. If I couldn't type there was no way I'd be trapped into the same career that my Mom hated.
1
This story makes me so mad, I could chew nails. I was told as a child that only men could be doctors, so, I didn't become a doctor. I chose an even more unlikely career, loved it, and have never regretted doing what everyone thought I shouldn't.
2
I was a sophomore in a small Kansas high school in 1962 taking World History - a new class that was amazing in itself. I wrote a paper on the early development of Christianity and sited that the christians had appropriated many pagan dates - like Dec 25 was Zoroaster's birthday. And Mary was elevated to compete with Isis. One boy in the class started arguing with me and he got very angry. His parting comment was, "You know Carole, you're not bad looking and you probably would go out a lot if you learned to keep your mouth shut. It remains a defining moment in my life. Thanks Nancy Ogle - the teacher - for a class where free discussion could take place.
18
As a junior in high school in 1976 my occupations teacher, Mr. Eichelsdoerfer asked me what I felt was my best quality. I replied "my mind." He replied "I think it's your smile."
22
When I was 12, I asked the local, neighborhood grocer for a job as a bag boy like some of my classmates. He laughed and said no, since all bag boys were, well, boys. I tell that story to every bag girl or woman I see now, to let them know it was not always possible to do what they do.
I had to audition for an on-air job at the campus radio station, unlike the men, but I got the job anyway -- the early morning job none of them wanted. I was required to make the coffee in one office, since people assumed the girl could do that -- big surprise for the coffee drinkers. Even my own mother told me to be a secretary, not a lawyer, since being a lawyer was hard and demanding, and unladylike.
But we are equal, and sometimes even better than our male counterparts. The current political climate reminds me that there are a lot of males out there that are doing everything they can to make sure we never know just how powerful we really are. Imagine if we did!
I had to audition for an on-air job at the campus radio station, unlike the men, but I got the job anyway -- the early morning job none of them wanted. I was required to make the coffee in one office, since people assumed the girl could do that -- big surprise for the coffee drinkers. Even my own mother told me to be a secretary, not a lawyer, since being a lawyer was hard and demanding, and unladylike.
But we are equal, and sometimes even better than our male counterparts. The current political climate reminds me that there are a lot of males out there that are doing everything they can to make sure we never know just how powerful we really are. Imagine if we did!
12
"But we are equal, and sometimes even better than our male counterparts."
And sometimes not. It is known that men have a wider IQ range than women so there are more really smart men than really smart women and more really dumb men than really dumb women.
And sometimes not. It is known that men have a wider IQ range than women so there are more really smart men than really smart women and more really dumb men than really dumb women.
3
Bingo!
1
I learned that, even though at the time I wanted to be veterinarian, I would not be allowed to take the Animal Husbandry course in my high school - just for animals and husbands, apparently... :(
8
6th grade, L.A. public schools, 1969: I was part of an almost unanimous girl-student protest to wear pants to school, instead of required dresses every day. We won! Change was in the air. My classroom teacher, “Miss DeJardin," was young and groovy. She bought an 8mm camera and announced our entire class would make a movie, starting with an original screenplay. Everyone was invited to submit a script, we’d have a contest, and the most popular one would be picked as our project. I worked on mine all week. I read play scripts like novels in those days— I knew the whole structure— 1st, 2nd, 3rd acts. To my surprise, no one else in class attempted a script. I’d been revealed as a freakish bookworm again. A vote was taken, and Tony, the cutest top athlete ballplayer in 6th grade, won. He hadn’t written a script, but he had an idea to film a gang fight on the playground. Miss DeJardin saw the tears well up in my eyes, her sweet eyes met mine. I was frozen in my seat. “And Susie Bright can be the “Assistant!” she said— which turned out to be a prophetic phrase in my female life. There are so many clueless cute ball-handlers to help in life. Tony lost interest after the playground brawl was filmed and... my mom and I moved to Canada.
11
I was told I should not have a technical career because a man needed it and men have mortgages to pay. This came form my teachers, and my mother. When I lost jobs (and was single without a man to pay my way) due to downsizing, I was told to worry more about the men, because they have the mortgage to pay. This from colleagues, bosses and...my mother. I have been the only income in my marriage more years than not. God bless Secretary Clinton for her courage, and god help this country for its stupidity.
31
In my late teens my dream was to go to acting school in England. I scrimped and saved and managed to buy a plane ticket and get to England, where I auditioned and made the callbacks for every prestigious acting school.
Did not get into a single one. Explanation from every school: we only accept as many students as there are jobs. Since most roles in theater are for men, we accept a dozen men and three women (numbers varied, but proportions were the same). Only three places for non-British citizens, total, so I lost out on both counts: non-British AND non-male. If I'd been a man, my chances would have been much higher.
I did go to acting school in the US, but the rest of my career has reflected my early experience: plenty of roles for men, nowhere near as many for women. It still hasn't changed much. My agent sighs and tells me, "There's just not that much out there for older women." I could go on about sexist directors, producers, and writers, but that's all well known by now; every woman in the business knows how she's judged first: by looks and figure.
Did not get into a single one. Explanation from every school: we only accept as many students as there are jobs. Since most roles in theater are for men, we accept a dozen men and three women (numbers varied, but proportions were the same). Only three places for non-British citizens, total, so I lost out on both counts: non-British AND non-male. If I'd been a man, my chances would have been much higher.
I did go to acting school in the US, but the rest of my career has reflected my early experience: plenty of roles for men, nowhere near as many for women. It still hasn't changed much. My agent sighs and tells me, "There's just not that much out there for older women." I could go on about sexist directors, producers, and writers, but that's all well known by now; every woman in the business knows how she's judged first: by looks and figure.
8
My father told me to ignore everyone and do what I wanted-- whether it was a boy activity or not. he supported me no matter what-- and that was not easy for him! He was hugely empowering. I've worked through a male-dominated industry to senior management and a great job. Now my dad has voted for President Trump, who's disrespect for women like me is everything opposite what he raised me to believe. bums me out.
11
Reading these fascinating (uncomfortable?) testimonials, one cannot help but realise that, in many ways, America is so small.
13
In a meeting with the guidance counselor in 8th grade (~1964) I said I wanted to be a veterinarian. I was told that wasn't appropriate for girls. I could either be a secretary, a nurse, or a teacher. I chose nurse.
7
it was 1965. There were 3 high achools in nyc that required an entrance exam. only Bronx HS of Science admitted girls. even here we were outnumbered 3 to 1. in my Spanish class we debated in Spanish. my teacher, Mr Mufson expressed his convern for us girls. as he argued that girls needrd a husband smarter than she. How would we find husbands
in our senior year girls were finally given permission to wear pants to school. He regularly reminded us that he could not write a recommendation for any girl who wore pants to his class. i still kvell the day i stRted2wering pants after I was accepyed at CCNY
in our senior year girls were finally given permission to wear pants to school. He regularly reminded us that he could not write a recommendation for any girl who wore pants to his class. i still kvell the day i stRted2wering pants after I was accepyed at CCNY
8
When I started to date boys, my mother told me that I should never make the first move. It's a boy's place to ask a girl out, she said. Well I tried that strategy for a while. Then one day I met a kind, interesting man, and I felt something shift inside me--I asked him out on a date. I am now happily married to a man who thinks that women should be empowered to open all the doors that have been closed to them for so long.
10
How about all stories from the women who were not drafted and sent to war to die?
1
How on earth does that mitigate the discrimination that women have suffered over the years? Remember, it was MEN who made the decision not to draft women, so don't hold that against us.
6
Gee, Reader, perhaps had women the same opportunities to hold political power, those wars would not have been fought...
And, for the record, it is not only men who suffer in war.
And, for the record, it is not only men who suffer in war.
8
When I was a young woman, I was told I couldn't work in the stockroom of a paint store, because the paint cans would be "too heavy" for me. When I offered to lift the cans to demonstrate my strength, my offer was declined. I was, however, told I could work greeting customers, because "men like to buy things from pretty women."
8
When my husband and I treat my mother to a meal out at a restaurant, my mother thanks my husband - not me.
I've told her repeatedly that I find this insulting, and in the moment, she *gets it* and apologizes.
And then she does it again the next time.
Hurtful and insulting.
I've told her repeatedly that I find this insulting, and in the moment, she *gets it* and apologizes.
And then she does it again the next time.
Hurtful and insulting.
7
I was a girl in the 60's. I wanted to play sports like my twin brother. I was told that we only had money for him to play. Years later, I earned an engineering degree by myself after disagreeing with my father on my career choice. I was in the top 25% of my class but had trouble finding a job. My professors were mystified but supportive. My first professional conference opened with the keynote speaker showing women in skimpy bikinis to warm up the audience. I was horrified and wrote the speaker to complain. His response was, "Boys will be boys. Get over it. " I'm so disheartened that nothing has changed.
14
Just think about the lost human potential of refusing people opportunity because of gender, race, age, etc.etc.
Human "capital" is our most underutilized resource ever.
Who know how many cures for cancer, the common cold, poverty, or any other societal ill, and how many social advantages have been lost as well -- all because of these utterly ridiculous ideas that a "_____" (drop in whatever you want - girl, woman, etc.) can't do that because it is reserved for the "_____" (drop in whatever you want here, but it is generally the men or the boys.
How sad and how utterly stupid.
Human "capital" is our most underutilized resource ever.
Who know how many cures for cancer, the common cold, poverty, or any other societal ill, and how many social advantages have been lost as well -- all because of these utterly ridiculous ideas that a "_____" (drop in whatever you want - girl, woman, etc.) can't do that because it is reserved for the "_____" (drop in whatever you want here, but it is generally the men or the boys.
How sad and how utterly stupid.
13
Being a bookish girl, I had crushes on my English professors and famous authors. I thought it would be so wonderful to have a book by an writer boyfriend dedicated to me. My aha! moment came years later, when I realized I was the author. Now, 40 books later, I've dedicated some of them to a boyfriend or two, my husband, my brother, and my dad.
6
When I was in kindergarten in 1967, I took a toy car to school. A little boy took it and told the teacher it belonged to him. The teacher let him keep it because she didn't believe it could be mine since "little girls don't play with cars." When I grew up, I managed auto body repair shops. I consistently made less than male body shop managers.
21
Because I was a girl, I was told that I needed to help more with household duties instead of doing my homework. I was asked to babysit my siblings when spending time on a school project would have been the best use of my time. I was treated with less respect in my family as one of the female children. When I succeeded in my life, despite the challenges thrown in front of me, my male family members continue to demonstrate little respect for my independence and drive. I think we encounter this type of subtle bias every day. Lack of support, demands on your time made only because "it is a women's job" and mistrust of achievement by women are all alive and well today. Fortunately, women continue to make strides against this type of bias on a daily basis. Fathers and brothers think about their impact on their sisters and daughters. Awareness of these issues has brought change.
14
In 1973 I wanted to be an EMT and work in ambulance service. I was told by every company in the SF bay area that they would not hire a woman. I moved to Manhattan and encountered the same response, save for one company that was run by a woman. She hired me and then had to compel the men to work with me. I was tolerated by some, harassed by others, & eventually accepted for the most part.
10
In 1960. I was in junior high, taking "accelerated" ( now called TAG, I think) math. I was tested in the 90 percentiles in spatial and mechanical reasoning. I very much wanted to take mechanical drawing. No girls allowed I was told.
11
I still have the essay, written in faded blue fountain-pen ink on now-yellowing lined paper, that I wrote in 1958 on why I wanted to become a doctor. Male guidance counselor sniffed disapprovingly "Girrrls don't go to medical school". College board scores over 1200 (old system), and with a Letter of Commendation on the Merits, I married young. Finally graduated (magna cum laude) from my Ivy at the age of 38, the single mother of four. Career Research Plant Physiologist in agchem, a very male-dominated field. Co-author on four chemistry patents, I endured the slings and arrows of sexism. The stories I could tell!
If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'm coming back. And I WILL BE a doctor!
If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'm coming back. And I WILL BE a doctor!
17
Because I was a girl I was told the best I could hope for would be to get a guy with a good factory job. If I got really lucky maybe I could get a Doctor. This idea was quickly followed up with "it's too bad you've got such short legs." This was the narrative in my house from the day I was born. Both from my Mom and aunts. For the record, I am 54 years old.
11
When I was a senior in high school I was an academic star. I eventually graduated third in a class of more than 600 students. My teachers and counselors all encouraged me to apply to Ivy League colleges. When I discussed it with my mother, she said, "We have sons to educate. You can go to college, but you can't leave home. You have to commute to the nearest public institution." When I told her I had been advised to apply for financial aid, she said she wouldn't fill out the paperwork that would be required to do it.
That sexist stuff about my brothers was BS. My mother was envious of the opportunities open to me. She didn't want me to have a better life than she did. That was 40 years ago, and I've run into sex discrimination a number of times as I built a successful career. But nothing was worse than what my mother did to me.
That sexist stuff about my brothers was BS. My mother was envious of the opportunities open to me. She didn't want me to have a better life than she did. That was 40 years ago, and I've run into sex discrimination a number of times as I built a successful career. But nothing was worse than what my mother did to me.
34
EXACTLY. Let's not act like it's only bad, bad men who are sexist or mean. I remember in 2nt grade, sitting in the back of class & listening to my female teacher say, WHEN you get married and WHEN you have children ... I sat there, seething. She didn't say IF.
3
As a rising college Junior, I spent a summer at Harvard studying calculus and political philosophy. Coming from aall'girls' college and high school, I was astonished to find the prof never called on me despite my upraised hand in the front row of the small classroom. After the third class meeting, three male fellow students invited me for coffee after class and explained that - as a female - I would never be acknowledged to ask questions. Korean war veterans, slightly older than most undergrads, they met with me as a foursome for the entire session to do problem sets and discuss the materials. I have never forgotten either their help or the important lesson of equality, which they taught me.
9
At The New Yorker Magazine in the mid 1970s, my boss had his secretary open his mail and place it on his desk each morning—if his secretary was not in, someone else in the Public Relations Department had to open his mail. On one such occasion, I happened upon a memo exchange between my boss and the president of the magazine justifying why he had gone outside the company to hire and had passed me over for a promotion. He stated that I was of “child bearing age and he needed someone more permanent…” When I brought him his mail that morning I told him that he was very fortunate that my parents would be horrified if I filed a legal suit.
p.s. The person he hired (an old friend of his) quit within months, and I finally got the position.
p.p.s. A few years later I got my boss’s job.
p.p.p.s. I never had children.
p.s. The person he hired (an old friend of his) quit within months, and I finally got the position.
p.p.s. A few years later I got my boss’s job.
p.p.p.s. I never had children.
34
Catholic school in the 1970's, 6th grade. Our class was planning a liturgy. I wanted to be a lector and do a reading. To my surprise, several of my male classmates immediately pointed out that girls can't be lectors. Was that true? Well, not anymore in the Catholic Church. But our teacher, a young nun, said that unfortunately our aged Monsignor did not allow women to be on the alter. Then she said quietly and angrily, "...except to vacuum it". After some thought she decided it was OK for me to be a lector, and I found out later that she just didn't tell our Monsignor in advance that a girl would do a reading. She got in some trouble for it. But I am grateful to her to this day. It was one the first times I looked at the world as a changeable agent.
21
Circa 1958, a 6th grade classroom in a Bronx parochial school. The entire school was given a prototype test to evaluate mechanical aptitude. When the results were tallied and the graded papers to each student, my teacher looked at my grade, said "Oh. You. " Then she paused and said, "Looks like you got the highest score in the school." Then she sniffed as she tossed the paper to me, "Too bad you're a girl."
13
p.s. Pippi Longstocking was my role model. Can't go wrong with her!
3
My Catholic elementary school always made a big deal of calling boys to help put away tables and chairs. I always voiced how stupid that was, especially considering that in 7th and 8th grade, we girls were bigger than the boys. I always made a point of responding to the call and moving the stupid tables or chairs, but the announcements never changed.
9
I was a graduate student at N.Y.U in the 1980s, just entering the Ph.D. program in English. The then head of the department told me there "were no jobs for female professors" and I was wasting my time. I ignored him, thought he was an idiot, and went on to do what I wanted to do--despite his misogyny--which was to teach and write.
10
My mother, oldest of 3 and the only girl, was told by her parents (father, I'm sure) that she could not go to college but her two younger brothers could...and did, one to a top tier law school. She hammered into me that education was important and I ended up not only going to college but having a career in higher ed. I'm still trying to understand why she voted for Trump.
8
I was a graduate student in history at Berkeley in the late 1960s. An anthropology student thought that female graduate students were not getting PhDs at the same rate as the men. She studied the issue in detail and concluded that gender bias kept the women from getting their degrees.
13
In my pre-Title IX high school in California in the 1960's, the boys had a swim team that trained at a local park. There was no team for the girls, so a friend and I, both avid swimmers, went to the principal to see if a team could be organized. I don't remember his exact words but the gist was they weren't required to offer equal sports opportunities for girls, so forget it. Now, I check the website of my high school periodically to see how their champion girls' water polo team is doing. You go, girls!
12
Back in August, while looking at a rental property during my lunch hour at work, I asked for what I wanted. The rent was a little higher than I had hoped so I requested that the realtor (an older male) go back to the the renters and see if they were willing to negotiate on the price or agree to include utilities. The realtor turned to my realtor (a younger man I had just met today) and said, “Geez, you didn’t tell me she’d be so difficult,” to which the young realtor replied, “Yea, sorry about that!” Awkward laughter followed. As I stood there in their presence, something occurred to me. At almost 40 years old, I have been exposed—like so many other women—to a wide range of condescension from men. The wide range of insults go back to my first full-time job in 1999 when my male boss responded to an offensive incident that had occurred in my classroom with “boys will be boys”. It doesn’t matter if these men say they were joking after the fact (which many do), because deep down, we know their comments came from an authentic—albeit disturbing—place…a place that history has yet to dissolve.
56
We didn't have a lot of money when I was in high school in the 60s. My step-dad was a CHP with 5 kids to support but was also a good handyman. We were four girls, one baby boy, so my sisters and I assisted him with side carpentry jobs and our own car repairs. I was so curious about engines and how things worked. When I went to sign up for auto mechanics class, they wouldn't let me because it was only for boys. I was angry, disappointed and confused. What harm would it do to anyone if I took auto mechanics, I asked myself? I'll never forget that feeling of exclusion.
20
In my experience, the fact of boys superiority played out more covertly. There were two of us, older brother and younger sister. No one ever told me girls were inferior, but actions speak louder than words. I learned early to keep my dreams and ideas to myself, especially when reading biographies of Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart, Helen Keller and the like. I knew I'd be ridiculed. My brother's sports were of highest importance, a full wall of the den bedecked with his trophies. When I had the nerve to put the one small trophy I'd ever earned on one of the shelves, I was laughed at. Well, brother was major trouble who can noe look back on 40 some years as a crack addict and alcoholic. I did okay; finally getting an MA at age 50, living in Paris for a few years, writing two novels and a few other minor achievements. But now, nearing 60, I mourn for my lost potential. I mourn for it.
36
Kindergarten, early 1970s (72? 73?)--girls couldn't play blocks, only boys--girls had to play "kitchen area" but I didn't want to--it was boring I thought. I finally kicked up enough of a fuss (not sure exactly but I was basically disrupting the classroom) so the teacher let me play blocks with one girlfriend. Of course we segregated with our own about 6 blocks and couldn't play with the boys. I remember we built a "really tall" tower and the look of disgust on the teacher's face. Wish I could say that I became a math whiz but no--I was one of the first in my family to get a college education and I've often wondered what I would have done had I been a boy (more from social norms than my family). Sad that so many of these stories are so recent.
10
I had a similar experience in kindergarten with legos and barbies. I wanted to play with legos, but only the boys could. And this was 1999!
3
When I was 13, my father told me it was a waste of time and money to send a woman to college because she was "just going to get married and stay at home with the kids." I have a master's degree now. It's amazing how deeply instilled sexism is, even between parents and children.
29
Only a few years ago, in 2011, a peer of mine in high school told me that he didn't understand why so many girls at our elite boarding school wanted to take AP classes, since we all were only trying to get into college to find a successful husband. I was enraged, and I'm happy to say I made a scene. ("Brandon, you pig-headed idiot, I know you did not just!") The guy was in the bottom 5 of our class (the bottom 10 were all male, almost every year) and couldn't stand that he was constantly being shown up by young women who, frankly, worked harder than him on their schoolwork. He was surrounded by girls who were already co-authoring studies at the local Ivy campus, but all he managed that year was to destroy his shoulder on the pitcher's mound.
2
Some anecdotes:
As a girl growing up in the 50s, my mother told me not to be "too smart" because "the boys wouldn't like me."
When I was in high school, many people told me to not take Latin because Latin was "for boys." I took it anyway and was the best student in the class. (And ended up learning several other languages as well.)
I was always told that math was "for boys," so I never pursued it, even though I did well in it. Now I have a son who's getting his PhD in theoretical math at MIT. I suspect that at least some of his ability is inherited from me. Maybe I too in my youth would have pursued math if encouraged to do so.
When I started college in 1965, my mother told me that the reason to go to college was to meet a college-educated husband. (Since we were Jewish, the ideal was to eventually "catch" a Jewish doctor.)
As a girl growing up in the 50s, my mother told me not to be "too smart" because "the boys wouldn't like me."
When I was in high school, many people told me to not take Latin because Latin was "for boys." I took it anyway and was the best student in the class. (And ended up learning several other languages as well.)
I was always told that math was "for boys," so I never pursued it, even though I did well in it. Now I have a son who's getting his PhD in theoretical math at MIT. I suspect that at least some of his ability is inherited from me. Maybe I too in my youth would have pursued math if encouraged to do so.
When I started college in 1965, my mother told me that the reason to go to college was to meet a college-educated husband. (Since we were Jewish, the ideal was to eventually "catch" a Jewish doctor.)
16
I was always told that I should marry someone rich, or that I could be a stewardess so that my parents could take free trips in their retirement.
My first marriage at age 18 was to a medical student. That didn't work. My second marriage was to a hotel executive, and that didn't work either. By the time both marriages had ended, I had two daughters and two ex-husbands who never paid child support.
I married my third husband when I was 30. He was a Mexican immigrant and we met in the restaurant where we both worked. He was a cook and I was a cocktail waitress. We had two more children, and have stayed happily married for the past 33 years.
This husband insisted that I go to college, which I did at age 40 and with four children. I finished my BA in two and half years, and graduated Magna Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa. I finished a graduate degree in two years, and have taught full-time at the post-secondary level at four very good universities including Rice in Houston. I know this sounds like bragging, but it is meant to be a shout-out to my immigrant husband who saw something in me that others hadn't, and who knew what an education would do for my life and our family. All four children also graduated from college.
My biggest regret is that my parents and society as a whole didn't see any value in a little blond girl earlier in my life. If they had, there's no telling what else I might have accomplished.
My first marriage at age 18 was to a medical student. That didn't work. My second marriage was to a hotel executive, and that didn't work either. By the time both marriages had ended, I had two daughters and two ex-husbands who never paid child support.
I married my third husband when I was 30. He was a Mexican immigrant and we met in the restaurant where we both worked. He was a cook and I was a cocktail waitress. We had two more children, and have stayed happily married for the past 33 years.
This husband insisted that I go to college, which I did at age 40 and with four children. I finished my BA in two and half years, and graduated Magna Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa. I finished a graduate degree in two years, and have taught full-time at the post-secondary level at four very good universities including Rice in Houston. I know this sounds like bragging, but it is meant to be a shout-out to my immigrant husband who saw something in me that others hadn't, and who knew what an education would do for my life and our family. All four children also graduated from college.
My biggest regret is that my parents and society as a whole didn't see any value in a little blond girl earlier in my life. If they had, there's no telling what else I might have accomplished.
57
I grew up the youngest of five daughters my father was very influential in my life as he taught all of us "girls" how to fix things, change tires, oil, fix fences, catch and clean fish, doctor the animals. He encouraged us in where our interests lied. In high school the local game warden came to our advance science class and showed us the fetus of a deer ( the doe had been hit) my friends and I were fascinated. He then asked who would like to go up and tag elk. Eight of us in the class of 24 raised our hands,- all females. He was surprised and took us along with him. We tagged elk. He said we were the best kids he had brought out with him.
I went off to college ended up into the field of film production. Was treated with respect where I interned and in the courses I took, mainly male dominated field. When I went for interviews in my field I was told I would not be hired, because " you're just going to get pregnant and then I'll need to find a new hire."
I decided to teach graphic arts at a local high school I was told initially that I would not be hired there, because even though I was as qualified as the other candidate, I was female and they needed a man in the job. I had my father in law write a letter, on his law firm's stationary,to the school telling them it was discrimination. I was offered the job. I took it! Then was paid less than a man would.
20 years later I'm an award winning documentary film producer. Thankful for the positive men and women in my life.
I went off to college ended up into the field of film production. Was treated with respect where I interned and in the courses I took, mainly male dominated field. When I went for interviews in my field I was told I would not be hired, because " you're just going to get pregnant and then I'll need to find a new hire."
I decided to teach graphic arts at a local high school I was told initially that I would not be hired there, because even though I was as qualified as the other candidate, I was female and they needed a man in the job. I had my father in law write a letter, on his law firm's stationary,to the school telling them it was discrimination. I was offered the job. I took it! Then was paid less than a man would.
20 years later I'm an award winning documentary film producer. Thankful for the positive men and women in my life.
23
When I was 16 years old, I applied for a job pumping gas for airplanes. I was told that only boys could do that. Pumping gas? Really? I worry that my daughter and her generation don't see how far women have progressed and how easy it will be to return to those days of discrimination.
19
When I was a little girl my father wanted to buy me an erector set. Together we went to the toy store. I was very excited. The woman told my father that erector sets were for boys. I came home with a doll.
12
This made me cry all over again, both with sadness at our culture's deeply embedded sexism and with appreciation for the courage of these women to overcome. It is a great reminder of why we need to pick ourselves up and continue the fight for equality despite the devastating setback of this election.
37
Thank you, David. There really are some men who support women, thank heaven. Lately, I have to remind myself that all men aren't like Donald Trump!
2
My first job after journalism school in 1963 was as an assistant editor at a small company that published books for the insurance and purchasing industries. I was the only female in the 6-person editorial department. I was also the only person who was required to punch the time clock while my co-workers were free to take time off to go to the race track and attend to personal business. When I gathered to courage to ask the office manager why I had to punch the clock, I was told "so the secretaries would not get upset." I am ashamed to admit that I stayed at that place for a year.
14
In DC i was working for a conservation group...as a copy girl. One lunch hour one of the men and i started chatting. He discovered i knew almost everything about the Central Arizona Project (I normally live in Tucson.) And that i had worked tirelessly for Wilderness status for the Sierra Club. And later was actually hired by them. And had even shaken hands with (gasp) Robert Redford in the office of the great man Rep. Mo Udall as a happy reward for our efforts.
The Man was amazed at my knowledge of conservtion: "If we had known your capabilities we would have hired you as a professional."
I quit that day and returned to Arizona.
The Man was amazed at my knowledge of conservtion: "If we had known your capabilities we would have hired you as a professional."
I quit that day and returned to Arizona.
12
I'm back to Tucson soon. We should talk. (At Democratic gatherings, I was the one Mo Udall would end up talking to, not for my excellence - for my height....) He was the best.
2
Born in 1961. HIgher education and career ambition weren't encouraged for the girls in my family, we were expected to marry. Self-financed and graduated university anyway.
It was never a garden path; still isn't. As a 55 year old female, finding livable wage employment is virtually impossible.
It was never a garden path; still isn't. As a 55 year old female, finding livable wage employment is virtually impossible.
14
I grew up in an affluent family in New York and went to a first-rate prep school. No one talked much then about careers for women (1950-61), but I watched how my mother spent her days, shopping, socializing, living off my father's reputation and never cooking or home-making since that was for the maid.
Although I had a serious disability, from as early as I can remember, I discovered on my own that wanted a career. I couldn't imagine spending my life in my mother's boring, stifling world.
Although I had a serious disability, from as early as I can remember, I discovered on my own that wanted a career. I couldn't imagine spending my life in my mother's boring, stifling world.
10
My my father, Emerson Chapin, was an editor on the foreign desk at the New York Times. I applied to be a "copy girl" in about 1969, but was told that they didn't hire "girls" because the Times Square area was too dangerous at night.
16
I told my high school counselor that I was looking at colleges. He said, "Why in the world would you do that? You're not very bright." I told him I was applying to UC Berkeley, and he said, "You'll never get in. They would never accept someone like you." When I was accepted, I told him. His response was this: "You should refuse your acceptance. You're taking the place of a qualified young man who will be able to do great things and provide for a wife and children." Later, when I received my Ph.D. and tenure as a college professor, I sent him a copy of the degree to my high school. I found out that he had died in jail, a convicted and utterly unrepentant pedophile. I recently won the highest award in my field.
59
Like most women my age, I have a lot of stories, including having experienced many of the ones detailed here but two stand out: in high school, I was told by a male counselor that despite my stellar science scores, I could not become an oceanographer because I was a woman. I have thus spent a career being underpaid in a related field in a more "womanly" discipline that also happens to be much less secure than STEM. Today, I work at an ocean-related nonprofit doing a job more traditionally done by women where, despite having more graduate education and a decade more experience than the younger men, I make 40% less. The fun never ends once they keep you out of the treehouse on the front end! That's why I also work with young women, trying to help them get a better start. But there are many of us with dreams that were stillborn - and you might think you're past the grief until something like this election shows it never leaves you.
43
I was actually encouraged to study math & science when I was in school. Encouraged by my parents as well as my teachers. I was in the 11th grade in teh San Francisco Bay Area in 1967. My algebra teacher, Miss Kubasik (sp?) took me aside one day and and said she was organizing a group of students to go to some company (can't remember where) and they'd learn to do computer programming. Did I want to go? I couldn't think of anything I wanted to program, so I declined. Many years later I wondered if I'd played my cards a little differently that day, would I have been one of those gazillionaires you read about.....
9
From Junior High I was told to "pick a college" and given material to read about lots of them. With the help of a beloved woman teacher in high school. I picked Smith. I wanted a woman's college.
I applied to a bunch of them, including one catholic college a nun forced upon me. I got into all but one.
I sent the acceptance letter off to Smith. A nun convinced my father Smith was "a den of iniquity." Can you believe that?
My father didn't even have the guts to tell me himself that Smith had been notified I wasn't coming there and the Catholic college told to expect me.
The older I get, the worse I feel about this. My first decision for adulthood, one I had been encouraged to make, vitiated.
They wouldn't let me transfer. Or drop out. There's a 50th reunion there for our class this year. I'm not going.
A lot of unhappiness follows when parents pretend to let a young woman decide for herself. And then revoke that. Unilaterally. Without it even being discussed.
I feel sad just thinking about this. At age 71.
Yes, I did marry a man who strongly encouraged me to get a Ph.D. Who would have helped put me through medical school. But I didn't really want to be a psychiatrist. Clinical Psychology was a field I arrived at almost by accident.
Thank you, beloved Jose, my dear husband. You grew up in a society where women served men. But you wanted a wife with Equality.
I applied to a bunch of them, including one catholic college a nun forced upon me. I got into all but one.
I sent the acceptance letter off to Smith. A nun convinced my father Smith was "a den of iniquity." Can you believe that?
My father didn't even have the guts to tell me himself that Smith had been notified I wasn't coming there and the Catholic college told to expect me.
The older I get, the worse I feel about this. My first decision for adulthood, one I had been encouraged to make, vitiated.
They wouldn't let me transfer. Or drop out. There's a 50th reunion there for our class this year. I'm not going.
A lot of unhappiness follows when parents pretend to let a young woman decide for herself. And then revoke that. Unilaterally. Without it even being discussed.
I feel sad just thinking about this. At age 71.
Yes, I did marry a man who strongly encouraged me to get a Ph.D. Who would have helped put me through medical school. But I didn't really want to be a psychiatrist. Clinical Psychology was a field I arrived at almost by accident.
Thank you, beloved Jose, my dear husband. You grew up in a society where women served men. But you wanted a wife with Equality.
48
i was teaching a design class years ago at the same time as a male colleague teaching the same thing who did not have a terminal degree and we were paid the same at a University in Colorado.
We were teaching our first classes- and chatting about getting students to listen in a studio setting and he wondered aloud if potential problems in my class would be "because you are a mommy".
I never did figure that one out.
We were teaching our first classes- and chatting about getting students to listen in a studio setting and he wondered aloud if potential problems in my class would be "because you are a mommy".
I never did figure that one out.
10
In 1969, When I was 18, the head of the parks and recreation department in Hammond, IN told me that I did not qualify for the high-paying life guard position because I would be unable to do the job when I had my period.
When I was 28, I was told by the owner of the company I worked for that I would not be paid the same wage as the other (male) general managers because I had no family to feed.
Like most women my age, I could go on for paragraphs.
When I was 28, I was told by the owner of the company I worked for that I would not be paid the same wage as the other (male) general managers because I had no family to feed.
Like most women my age, I could go on for paragraphs.
43
The more things change...Last month my daughter, a freshman member of one of the nation's top debate teams, came home distraught from her first competition. She and her friends had been told by the judges, "You'd score higher if you wore more makeup," "Girls should never wear pantsuits," and "Don't wear those hooker heels." A young man was told that he should not be competing in poetry because that's not manly. Nothing about their presentations, just their appearances. They turned to the upperclasswomen for advice and were told that this type of behavior by the (adult) judges is the norm and they'd need to learn to brush it off.
What a great lesson for our best and brightest.
What a great lesson for our best and brightest.
41
I couldn't be an altar boy. I couldn't play with the erector set. I couldn't read sci fi novels. That the women my father worked with were dumb broads. That it was riskier to ride in the car when my mother was driving because, well, "women drivers."
29
I know this is not what anyone reading this wants to hear but My mother withheld academic help and encouragement from me after I was faster at flash cards than my older sister. This led to me effectively being denied education in school and guilt whenever I am better at something than someone else. It wasn't her fault, she wasn't even aware that she was doing it.
10
I graduated from Barnard with a degree in English, magna cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa and could not get a job even at the Met Museum because I couldn't type the requisite amount of words per minute. Young women like myself were forced to take a typing test when applying for a job. I always wondered what Columbia grads encountered when they went for job interviews. To make ends meet, I enrolled with temp agencies and worked as a receptionist, something I could easily have done with no degree.
26
In second grade I noticed in the learn-to-read books that Jane cleaned house while Dick went outside and played with Spot. Etc....
In fourth grade we were told it would be sacrilegious for girls to raise and lower the flag.
The professional symphony only had the harp, piano, and flute played by women - so I decided I wasn't welcome in the orchestra and never pursued music. Etc.
Mid-career I was IT second-shift supervisor - until another supervisor temporarily on second who whose wife had a baby wanted to stay on second for the shift differential. Because his staff was on first shift they gave him my job, and transferred me into a paperwork job. That was five years ago, and it was a top 500 company.
Oh, and when I retire I will receive less social security because I wasn't paid equitably. With a decade of supervisory experience I was given the absolute lowest possible salary and they had to raise it in six months because it wasn't within my paygrade. My co-worker in his first year as a supervisor experience wasn't affected.
In fourth grade we were told it would be sacrilegious for girls to raise and lower the flag.
The professional symphony only had the harp, piano, and flute played by women - so I decided I wasn't welcome in the orchestra and never pursued music. Etc.
Mid-career I was IT second-shift supervisor - until another supervisor temporarily on second who whose wife had a baby wanted to stay on second for the shift differential. Because his staff was on first shift they gave him my job, and transferred me into a paperwork job. That was five years ago, and it was a top 500 company.
Oh, and when I retire I will receive less social security because I wasn't paid equitably. With a decade of supervisory experience I was given the absolute lowest possible salary and they had to raise it in six months because it wasn't within my paygrade. My co-worker in his first year as a supervisor experience wasn't affected.
42
I was told I couldn't be an engineer. Engineering schools did not even admit women. Be a teacher, be a nurse, I was advised. In college (public of course!) and wanting to go to law school, I was confronted by family members pretending to faint at the thought! The pressure was immense and unrelenting. When I tried to complete a PhD as a young mother, my own retired mother "didn't have time" to babysit, so I gave up. Forty years later, with grown children, I finally finished my degree, when no one could tell me no.
37
You're words are a bit sexist in themselves. Why was it your mother's fault you didn't complete a PhD as a young mother? So she didn't want to (or couldn't) babysit your children, they were not her responsibility. Why didn't you hire a sitter or trade off with other parents?
If your father was alive, was it equally his fault for not babysitting your kids?
If your father was alive, was it equally his fault for not babysitting your kids?
4
When I was in elementary school in the 1990s, I submitted a painting of a woman standing outside the White House as president to a school art contest with the theme "I Have a Dream." I didn't win, and later the mom who organized the contest confided in my mom that one of the judges (who were other parents in the school) scored my drawing very low essentially because he thought my dream was stupid and that a woman could not be president. My mom never told me that story until this year. We can only imagine that that man, whoever he was, voted for Donald Trump.
35
I remember walking with my mother on one of our rare outings together, when she told me something I've never forgotten. I think I was around 12 at the time. She said that if my younger brother hadn't been a boy, she would have kept having kids until she had a boy, because because it was so important for my father.
15
I went to HS with several girls whose families were like that, 5,6,7 girls before they got Junior. Gofigure
1
When I graduated college in 1979 I had trouble finding a job and was grateful for the typing class I took in high school that qualified me for a secretarial position, which taught me some valuable skills. After working my way through law school, I ended up at a top New York law firm in 1986. I learned that you could get good assignments if you did your own typing and could get paper out the door quickly. I used my secretarial skills more in those first years than my legal skills. I learned that the male lawyers negotiated the deals and the women got them done. I left that firm after four years when a partner grabbed me in the elevator and kissed me in an unwelcome way. I never reported it. Over the years I found some amazing male mentors whose quiet demeanors suited my own and I learned I did not need to be in a subordinate role to be a successful lawyer.
18
In High School, my guidance counselor advised me to speak to the drafting teacher because I wanted to be an architect. When I did, guy said to me, "YOU want to be an architect? Can you even spell it?" I became an architect.
39
In 1971 I graduated from high school. I had skipped first grade, I was a National Merit Scholar, I was Salutatorian (got a B in PE one year). Our school guidance counselor looked at my transcripts, and said "you're good in Math and French. You should teach Math and French!" He was serious.
I went to law school instead, with my very-blue-collar-high-school-educated parents encouraging me all the way. :) God bless them...
I went to law school instead, with my very-blue-collar-high-school-educated parents encouraging me all the way. :) God bless them...
20
In 1954 I was in the 6th grade and totally fascinated with public library books about astronomy and the new rockets that were being developed. I wanted to be part of that exciting frontier someday, and as a straight A student, it seemed possible to me. At the end of 6th grade my school's principal wrote a sarcastic comment in my class book: "Good luck going to the moon, kid." That's when I switched ambitions to the approved female roles of secretary or nurse. I ended up being in the female section of the medical field. I wonder sometimes what I might have done if times had been different.
15
My close friend Jane and I visited the FBI recruitment booth our junior year in high school, both excited about the possibilities we imagined. When the agent finished we marched up and told him we wanted to be agents. He chuckled and said, well, girls couldn't be agents, but we could work as secretaries. We looked at each other in shock and told him that we weren't interested unless we could be agents. Several months later the local agent visited me at home to offer me an opportunity as an FBI secretary. I declined. I later worked for 20 years at a far more exciting and equally rewarding career where women WERE welcome and encouraged.
14
I wanted to take shop in the seventh grade -- they were building bookshelves and I wanted a shelf for my books. They said I had to take Home Ec...that the shop teacher liked to cuss so only boys allowed. My parents were merely amused. Especially since they drove themselves crazy trying to get me to stop cussing (not ladylike, right?)
So I made sure to flunk every single session of Home Ec, and I was a disruptive brat in class. My Home Ec teacher sorely wished they'd let me take shop and considered walking me across the hall to the shop class just to get rid of me.
My parents, short on memory, required me to take Shorthand my first year of college. I wanted to be a writer and told them I did not want to take shorthand so I could take dictation from men who were not as smart as I was. They told me with an attitude like that I would never get a husband.
Yes. You got it. I made sure to flunk Shorthand too. It's so easy if you don't go to class or take the exams.
They gave up on telling me what to do. And I found plenty of fabulous men who liked a woman with a brain. I'm married to one right now.
And I am a professional novelist. Writing under my NAME not my initials.
So I made sure to flunk every single session of Home Ec, and I was a disruptive brat in class. My Home Ec teacher sorely wished they'd let me take shop and considered walking me across the hall to the shop class just to get rid of me.
My parents, short on memory, required me to take Shorthand my first year of college. I wanted to be a writer and told them I did not want to take shorthand so I could take dictation from men who were not as smart as I was. They told me with an attitude like that I would never get a husband.
Yes. You got it. I made sure to flunk Shorthand too. It's so easy if you don't go to class or take the exams.
They gave up on telling me what to do. And I found plenty of fabulous men who liked a woman with a brain. I'm married to one right now.
And I am a professional novelist. Writing under my NAME not my initials.
21
I was told at school that I couldn't study latin, or row crew (both boys only) and when I inquired about a cadetship to become an airline pilot I was laughed at and shown to the door.
Before college i took a gap year and amongst other things worked in a quantity surveyors office. They kept hiring QS cadets, all gormless boys who seemed utterly clueless and lousy with numbers, who would last only a month or so. I sat there adding quantities, watching this and waiting to be asked if I would be interested -- but of course it never happened.
Before college i took a gap year and amongst other things worked in a quantity surveyors office. They kept hiring QS cadets, all gormless boys who seemed utterly clueless and lousy with numbers, who would last only a month or so. I sat there adding quantities, watching this and waiting to be asked if I would be interested -- but of course it never happened.
13
As a young teen, I became aware of my mother's impressively analytical mind, her capacity to formulate a very compelling argument, and the surgical precision with which she could dismantle an opponent's argument.
I got my BA in 1979, the same year she got her MBA, and I was more thrilled to attend her graduation than I was my own.
The subtle and not-so-subtle sexism my mother endured in her career hurt her deeply. I know she was criticized for displaying traits that earned complements for her male counterparts.
I got my BA in 1979, the same year she got her MBA, and I was more thrilled to attend her graduation than I was my own.
The subtle and not-so-subtle sexism my mother endured in her career hurt her deeply. I know she was criticized for displaying traits that earned complements for her male counterparts.
24
Story Two: My dad was a Depression child of immigrant parents who became first a chemical engineer and then a high-powered international business executive. All five kids in our family were required to get excellent grades, to the point where we were berated for, say, a score of 95.
When it came time for me to work in the real world, I decided I wanted to work in the film business, in production. My dad, who was honestly concerned said, "But what if the film business just doesn't hire women?"
I said to him, "So if they say I can't do it, you just want me to lie down and accept it? Not do it because they say I can't?"
My dad stammered, "No... well... but..." The bullheadedness that had made him—a poor immigrant kid—fight for what he wanted had come up against the sexism of his era, and he couldn't come up with an answer.
I spent a fun and satisfying ten years providing video services for film shoots. The sexism was difficult to cope with sometimes, but I loved the work. I had a slight bit of a swagger in those days, but I earned it.
When it came time for me to work in the real world, I decided I wanted to work in the film business, in production. My dad, who was honestly concerned said, "But what if the film business just doesn't hire women?"
I said to him, "So if they say I can't do it, you just want me to lie down and accept it? Not do it because they say I can't?"
My dad stammered, "No... well... but..." The bullheadedness that had made him—a poor immigrant kid—fight for what he wanted had come up against the sexism of his era, and he couldn't come up with an answer.
I spent a fun and satisfying ten years providing video services for film shoots. The sexism was difficult to cope with sometimes, but I loved the work. I had a slight bit of a swagger in those days, but I earned it.
14
Because I was a Girl, I was told.... age 10 i was an avid, enthusiastic, die-hard Cleveland Indians fan. my dad and I would listen to the games ( no TV) and the thrill of my life was to go to the stadium for a game. My life focused on becoming a cleveland indians batboy. it was my singular greatest passion . applications were published in the plain dealer. my mother said no i can't apply. i didn't understand. I loved the baseball team, I could recite the batting averages and players numbers and positions. i cried and nagged and nagged. she finally said you can't...because you are a girl, they only take boys . i was totally confused and deflated . first time i realized girls have barriors
9
Enough already,
These stories from women of "how debilitating it has been that a boy said something sexist to me 20 years ago" are often rationalizations for one's own failures to overcome life's obstacles.
Yes, there is some residual stereotyping of women but, arguably, greatly overstated because it is conflated with other forms biases in life that a large part of the population faces. There is ageism--bias against older people. There is bias against the overweight. There is bias against the unattractive. There is bias against the disabled. There is bias against races (ask Asians). There is well documented bias against short people (indeed, what passes for sexism may often be "heightism", at least for physically demanding roles.)
A great part of the population faces one or more types of biases (many types not currently fashionable to discuss) and pure sexism may be relatively trivial. Who can deny that sexism of today is a mere shadow of what it has been and that confident women, not dragged down by aggrievement about sexism, have opportunities similar, and in some cases, greater than men.
Unless biases against you are blatantly and personally obvious, complaining about them should be replaced by striving. Unsupported claims about rampant sexism are not harmless. Young girls may give up striving if they hear that their failures are due to sexism. It is better for young girls hear that their gender is not an obstacle to what they want to achieve.
These stories from women of "how debilitating it has been that a boy said something sexist to me 20 years ago" are often rationalizations for one's own failures to overcome life's obstacles.
Yes, there is some residual stereotyping of women but, arguably, greatly overstated because it is conflated with other forms biases in life that a large part of the population faces. There is ageism--bias against older people. There is bias against the overweight. There is bias against the unattractive. There is bias against the disabled. There is bias against races (ask Asians). There is well documented bias against short people (indeed, what passes for sexism may often be "heightism", at least for physically demanding roles.)
A great part of the population faces one or more types of biases (many types not currently fashionable to discuss) and pure sexism may be relatively trivial. Who can deny that sexism of today is a mere shadow of what it has been and that confident women, not dragged down by aggrievement about sexism, have opportunities similar, and in some cases, greater than men.
Unless biases against you are blatantly and personally obvious, complaining about them should be replaced by striving. Unsupported claims about rampant sexism are not harmless. Young girls may give up striving if they hear that their failures are due to sexism. It is better for young girls hear that their gender is not an obstacle to what they want to achieve.
3
Oh stop with the mansplaining.
Gender is one of many obstacles in this world, one of whom is you. We'll run right past you.
Gender is one of many obstacles in this world, one of whom is you. We'll run right past you.
28
Interesting to hear that all of these hundreds of women writing here, and many more who I talk with daily, about this very real aspect of all our lives, are simply whiny and wrong.
Thank you for explaining it to me!
Thank you for explaining it to me!
19
You are correct, but the world is a big place. With regard to sexism, the world includes both Saudi Arabia and, say, Denmark.
The topic is sexism in the US. Indeed it would be good if US feminists mobilized more to fight for the freedom of their sisters elsewhere in the world.
The topic is sexism in the US. Indeed it would be good if US feminists mobilized more to fight for the freedom of their sisters elsewhere in the world.
4
My father repeatedly told me, " you'll never be able to do that," instead of "I believe in you, and I' sure you can do it." I always thought my father was the smartest person, in the world. He must have known something I didn't know. I didn't realize he was wrong until I was almost 50.
11
It was 1960 my father was a football coach for a big 10 team. All of us kids (4 brothers, 1 sister) were required to participate in sports. My sister and I figure skating and swimming my brothers’ football, hockey, swimming and baseball. My father had set up a small weight lifting gym in our basement for my brothers; he encouraged them to use it and praised them when they did. Wanting that same approval I snuck down to the basement to lift later telling him what I had done. I expected high praise but was told that girls weren’t supposed to lift weights, that’s for boys. I was crushed. It affected me in my career choice I became a flight attendant something girls can do.
6
On the female side of the human race, there are potential leaders and always have been. They will emerge if society (and the media) doesn't overload them with silly, politically correct ideas and propaganda. Female leaders will come from a society that is grounded in values that transcend Facebook and Twitter distractions. At the same time the media is emerging for what it is, a groundswell of self-interested cultural manipulation.
5
No dlud, true journalism that adheres to traditional standards is critical to our democracy. It's unvetted opinion that masquerades as journalism that's harming the national discourse.
1
Mary Jo Murphy, there's a book here, or a documentary film. Or a sitcom? maybe a horror movie, the revenge of the talented female.
Than you for this. I have my own version, and its so heartening to see and hear my sisters tell the truth.
We must NEVER allow this to happen to our daughters.
Than you for this. I have my own version, and its so heartening to see and hear my sisters tell the truth.
We must NEVER allow this to happen to our daughters.
9
There are other, far more promising female presidential candidates.
Emily's List and Planned Parenthood both overplayed their hand presenting a Neocon mentee of Kissinger and darling of Wall Street.
The public wasn't sufficiently alerted of Madame Secretary's support of a Rightwing Coup in Honduras, nor her efforts to preserve a $3 work day in Haiti.
Then you have her third round supporting a failed regime change. All these things made life worse for countless women and their children.
It would be nice to get a candidate who cared more for women at the bottom rung, globally; not just the Women's League types in their + 200K lives.
Emily's List and Planned Parenthood both overplayed their hand presenting a Neocon mentee of Kissinger and darling of Wall Street.
The public wasn't sufficiently alerted of Madame Secretary's support of a Rightwing Coup in Honduras, nor her efforts to preserve a $3 work day in Haiti.
Then you have her third round supporting a failed regime change. All these things made life worse for countless women and their children.
It would be nice to get a candidate who cared more for women at the bottom rung, globally; not just the Women's League types in their + 200K lives.
3
We got a disciple of Roy Cohn instead.
5
JCH,
Fieldmarshal Hill wasn't so bad at Red-Baiting/Smearing herself.
Her holding at arm's length BLM wasn't exactly the most liberating either.
Maybe she could put her 2B foundation to work to help alleviate the vast damage done by the Clinton made mass-incarceration of Black males that left the mothers & grandmothers struggling to feed and educate their children.
Fieldmarshal Hill wasn't so bad at Red-Baiting/Smearing herself.
Her holding at arm's length BLM wasn't exactly the most liberating either.
Maybe she could put her 2B foundation to work to help alleviate the vast damage done by the Clinton made mass-incarceration of Black males that left the mothers & grandmothers struggling to feed and educate their children.
As a college senior in 1975, I began applying for my dream job as a computer programmer. The few interviews I did have all ended with,"sorry, we can't hire you as a programmer, BUT we do have a few secretarial positions open." When I did eventually land my dream job and began to work, out of curiosity I asked co-workers if they experienced similar roadblocks. Every woman said "Yes!" Every man said, "WHAT?"
33
As someone who worked in construction offices and as a medical secretary, I was constantly harassed because of my physical make-up: large breasts and high-pitched voice, and yes, I was fired because of those things. Oh, and the women in the offices were the ones doing the firing. I've had both sexes complain to me that my voice was "too high-pitched" (as if I could change that) and my breasts were "too large" and could I "tone down my voice" - (um, sorry no, that's my natural speaking voice) or wear a better bra (I was wearing the best and most supportive one I could find). Although I got that flack from men, the other women turned out to be the most critical. My big mistake: should have been a free-lance writer from the get-go. Now working on my first novel at the age of 59. Better late than never. My hope is to get my well-deserved revenge by writing well.
20
You bring up an excellent point...a lot of setbacks come from other women. Daddy's Little Girls who think there is only room in Daddy's lap for one. Women are half the population. Which means this stuff could not go on if we did not let it. Wake up, sisters. It's on us.
10
For me it was the shock around age 7 or 8 that girls could not be altar "boys" or priests. I never really got over that.
My husband used to tell me that being a clinical psychologist meant I had the sacrament of Confession. Which is true in a way.
Home never gave me the same message, however.
But when my son was very little society gave him to believe that while his father was working on a doctorate, all His mother could ever aspire to was becoming a nurse.
Children learn these things early on.
Right now, retired and going on 72, my aspiration: Protestor!
I think my sign will say: Weep for America.
I'm grieving.
My husband used to tell me that being a clinical psychologist meant I had the sacrament of Confession. Which is true in a way.
Home never gave me the same message, however.
But when my son was very little society gave him to believe that while his father was working on a doctorate, all His mother could ever aspire to was becoming a nurse.
Children learn these things early on.
Right now, retired and going on 72, my aspiration: Protestor!
I think my sign will say: Weep for America.
I'm grieving.
30
I was 14 and a new member of the Episcopal church. I loved the liturgy and the role of acolyte called out to me. When an announcement was made for training, I approached the Assistant Rector (Father Rose) with great excitement. He told me that only boys could serve and recommended the Junior Altar Guild as an alternative. I didn't feel called to this service. (I already had to do the dishes at home.) I went "over his head" to the Rector. He told me that he saw no reason I couldn't serve as an acolyte if I attended the training. I turned a few heads as the first girl acolyte in my hometown Episcopal church and found deep satisfaction performing those sacred duties.
1
When I was a teenager, I liked to listen to my cassette player through my dad's stereo. One day when I asked him to set it up, he said he was busy and told me to ask my brother to do it. My brother wasn't home, so I decided to look in back of the stereo and see how complicated it was.
Was I ever astounded when I found that there were only four jacks—L and R in, and L and R out! Seriously, they thought I couldn't get THAT?!
Roughly a decade later, I was a union video techie in the film business, providing video services for film shoots, like shot-matching and adjusting monitors to look normal on film. I did that for a satisfying ten years.
Still, whenever I told people I was in the film business, they'd "remember" later that I had said I was an editor.
My advice to any young women who are coming up against it still: There's how things are and how things should be; and if you forget either one, you're in trouble. In other words, work hard to be really, really good, but don't lose it when others don't get it.
I was the first female techie a lot of people had seen. After me, they'd seen one, and a good one too. The world had changed.
Was I ever astounded when I found that there were only four jacks—L and R in, and L and R out! Seriously, they thought I couldn't get THAT?!
Roughly a decade later, I was a union video techie in the film business, providing video services for film shoots, like shot-matching and adjusting monitors to look normal on film. I did that for a satisfying ten years.
Still, whenever I told people I was in the film business, they'd "remember" later that I had said I was an editor.
My advice to any young women who are coming up against it still: There's how things are and how things should be; and if you forget either one, you're in trouble. In other words, work hard to be really, really good, but don't lose it when others don't get it.
I was the first female techie a lot of people had seen. After me, they'd seen one, and a good one too. The world had changed.
23
I am the third of four daughters, born in the late 50s. Some of my earliest memories are from times we'd be out someplace together as a family and both strangers and family acquaintances would comment something to the effect of, "oh so you were trying for a boy, eh?" My parents always went along with the joke. The message I internalized: I must have been a mistake. I was supposed to be a boy.
16
Just like Rebecca Meade who was denied the choice of drums as her band instrument--for me it was 4th grade in 1963 when we could choose an instrument. I chose percussion, but was told by the male music teacher that was not a choice for a girl because boys had an extra bone in their wrists that made them able to beat drums really well and really fast. I was assigned the clarinet.
19
I can't keep reading this; it is too, too sad and hits too close to home.
19
It just occurred to me (duh) that this story was meant to run after we had elected our first female president.
It would be hard to read anyway - it is doubly (triply?) painful to read after Tuesday when Hillary lost the electoral vote AND a misogynist bully won it.
It would be hard to read anyway - it is doubly (triply?) painful to read after Tuesday when Hillary lost the electoral vote AND a misogynist bully won it.
18
When I bought a cymbal bag at Manny's (I am a drummer) the clerk told me that when I got tired of playing the drums I could use it as a purse.
12
My mother was lucky. She married my father then divorced him and lived very comfortably for the rest of her life. I just thought I would supply a success story.
6
As a woman who lives very comfortably--I and all my sisters "married well"-- what else might she have been?
1
Seriously? You think your mother is a 'success story' because she married a wealthy man and then lived off alimony? That's about as sexist as it gets.
I grew up in the 1950s in a family with two older brothers and a single mother who worked as a teacher. I learned from my mother and brothers that only boys played with puzzles, only boys played with games. Boys rode bicycles and swam. Girls played with dolls or crayons. My brothers drilled into me my inferiority as a girl, sometimes with violence. My mother said nothing. When my grandfather died--I was 15 then--I was told in the receiving line girls don't shake hands. The most devastating experience was my mother telling me that the reason I was being sent to college (a top tier college) was to find a better husband. Through all this, I performed better in school than either of my brothers, winning a prize at a district science fair in eighth grade, getting better grades, and succeeding in college and graduate school. The dismissal of who I am never stopped in my family. It has had serious effects upon my self esteem throughout my life. Nevertheless, I persist. I know my experience is not unusual. I support other women and girls. I contradict sexism wherever possible. I empathize with those who have had a similar upbringing. Women strive and succeed in spite of conditioning and obstacles.
59
My parents parents wanted me to be a teacher, so I could teach until I have kids, and go back to it when the kids were grown. Every girl I knew was an education major. I had NO desire to teach.
1966. I applied to, and was accepted by, Pratt School of Architecture without my parents knowledge. My mother repeatedly told me "You're a woman and a Jew. You can't be an architect." Ultimately. She broke me and I caved.
1967: My parents were pro education. But, for women, to a point. When I told them I was applying for graduate school, my father drew a picture in the air: if you have a BA, there are this many me. You can marry. With an MA, a vastly smaller number. A PhD? Maybe 3 men. I went on to become an experimental psychologist, social services executive and computer executive.
I'm a wealthy spinster with a fabulous NYC loft :)
1966. I applied to, and was accepted by, Pratt School of Architecture without my parents knowledge. My mother repeatedly told me "You're a woman and a Jew. You can't be an architect." Ultimately. She broke me and I caved.
1967: My parents were pro education. But, for women, to a point. When I told them I was applying for graduate school, my father drew a picture in the air: if you have a BA, there are this many me. You can marry. With an MA, a vastly smaller number. A PhD? Maybe 3 men. I went on to become an experimental psychologist, social services executive and computer executive.
I'm a wealthy spinster with a fabulous NYC loft :)
56
I am a Palestinian Muslim woman. When I got accepted to college, some of male relatives drove from different parts of the US to demand that my father not to send me to college. My father said -she is going. I have not always had the best relationship with my Dad but I will love him and respect him all my life for that moment.
70
A twist on sexism. The opportunity to go to art school and, afterwards, volunteer at a museum in order to acquire the graduate school pre-requisits to become an Art Conservator would have never been tolerated for my brother. He was expected to choose a career that could support a family while my future career was not consiered to be consequential. Art Conservation is a field that blends art and science with 80% of the profession being female. While this precentage is still not reflected in who runs the majority of museum conservation labs, the statistics for directorship are becoming more representative owing to the unavoidable denisty of women in the arts.
16
I noticed many of these stories were from several decades ago. I'd like to add some recent anecdotes to the mix.
2008: I was 17 and preparing for college. Growing up in a Catholic conservative household with my paternal grandparents, I had always been steered towards traditionally feminine jobs. One night, I came home and told my grandfather I wanted to be an engineer, not a teacher. "Stephanie, you can't be an engineer." I excelled in math and science at school and was taking a full curriculum of AP and honors classes. I pushed back. He simply kept repeating, "you just can't." The next day, I went to my guidance counselor and asked for help changing my major at a local university where I had already been accepted.
Flash forward to 2016, and I am an engineer. Speaking to my grandfather one day, I mentioned that I was planning to find a new job in the future. After some back and forth, he sighs and says, "Well I'm sure you'll find a job. You're pretty." I almost fell out of my chair. I left shortly after and came home to tell my husband, who could not believe anyone would say that to me, let alone my father figure.
2008: I was 17 and preparing for college. Growing up in a Catholic conservative household with my paternal grandparents, I had always been steered towards traditionally feminine jobs. One night, I came home and told my grandfather I wanted to be an engineer, not a teacher. "Stephanie, you can't be an engineer." I excelled in math and science at school and was taking a full curriculum of AP and honors classes. I pushed back. He simply kept repeating, "you just can't." The next day, I went to my guidance counselor and asked for help changing my major at a local university where I had already been accepted.
Flash forward to 2016, and I am an engineer. Speaking to my grandfather one day, I mentioned that I was planning to find a new job in the future. After some back and forth, he sighs and says, "Well I'm sure you'll find a job. You're pretty." I almost fell out of my chair. I left shortly after and came home to tell my husband, who could not believe anyone would say that to me, let alone my father figure.
44
If your FATHER had told you that in 2008 and 2016, whoa! Grandpa is living in the past!
6
I agree he's living in the past, but coming from a long line of young parents, he's the age of most of my friends parents today. In addition, neither of my biological parents are in the picture. He was my father growing up.
1
Stephanie: that is likely a reflection of your grandfather's age and the era in which he grew up.
Surely it did not affect you that much in 2008 -- the year Obama was elected! -- when feminism is the norm, and affirmative action is everywhere, and discrimination is prohibited.
I am also surprised your teachers did not strongly encourage you towards a STEM field, given your grades and aptitude.
Sometimes you just have to accept your parents (or grandparents) and not expect them to have the exact same beliefs, goals or attitudes that you have.
Surely it did not affect you that much in 2008 -- the year Obama was elected! -- when feminism is the norm, and affirmative action is everywhere, and discrimination is prohibited.
I am also surprised your teachers did not strongly encourage you towards a STEM field, given your grades and aptitude.
Sometimes you just have to accept your parents (or grandparents) and not expect them to have the exact same beliefs, goals or attitudes that you have.
Two stories: in the first I was about 11 and loved the out of doors and biology. We went to a national park and I saw women wearing the park uniform. I thought they were park rangers and that meant that I could grow up to be a ranger too. Adults told me, no, they weren't rangers--just receptionists and that women couldn't be rangers.
In the second I was a high school freshman struggling somewhat with algebra. My solution was to copy homework and doodle in the back row and exchange notes with my friends. I was getting a C and my dad went to see my teacher who said to him that you couldn't expect more from a girl. He should have also said she doesn't do her work and pays no attention. Had he done that, my parents might have had a heart to heart about the effort I was putting out. My dad told me this story when I was an adult. Many years later a group of friends talked about our 8th grade accelerated math teacher. The consensus was that he confused everyone about algebra and was a terrible math teacher. It had never occurred to me that it wasn't all my personal fault that I had trouble with math. 'Sad how easy it is to buy into the myths.
In the second I was a high school freshman struggling somewhat with algebra. My solution was to copy homework and doodle in the back row and exchange notes with my friends. I was getting a C and my dad went to see my teacher who said to him that you couldn't expect more from a girl. He should have also said she doesn't do her work and pays no attention. Had he done that, my parents might have had a heart to heart about the effort I was putting out. My dad told me this story when I was an adult. Many years later a group of friends talked about our 8th grade accelerated math teacher. The consensus was that he confused everyone about algebra and was a terrible math teacher. It had never occurred to me that it wasn't all my personal fault that I had trouble with math. 'Sad how easy it is to buy into the myths.
17
In my small town high school in the early 50's (I was ultimately class valedictorian) I was told I could not enroll in the only physics class because it was "for boys only". I marvel now that I accepted that explanation and that my very self-sufficient widowed mother did not intervene.
The greater wonder - the principal denying me access was a woman!
In many aspects, that denial was likely a life-changing event for me.
The greater wonder - the principal denying me access was a woman!
In many aspects, that denial was likely a life-changing event for me.
10
I was born in 1958. I wanted to play soccer, be an altar server & a crossing guards, but only boys did those things. Title IX changed my life. In high school we had a girls swim team (after protests) & an English teacher encouraged me to apply to medical school. While I was in the midst of medical school my mother openly told people it was not the career she would have chosen for her daughter. I have had an great career in pediatric anesthesia but still see women passed over, talked over & recognize the dynamics so actively discussed today.
I am so hopeful for the young women in medicine today. I dream they will have careers where they are not help back by gender bias, I think we are almost there.
I am so hopeful for the young women in medicine today. I dream they will have careers where they are not help back by gender bias, I think we are almost there.
29
*not held back* sorry for the typo
1
I wasn't allowed to apply to Stuyvesant or Brooklyn Tech HS as they were still only for boys back when I was in JHS. My family wouldn't let me go up to Bronx HS of Math & Science all the way from lower Brooklyn.
I wanted to be a veterinarian but they were mostly all male back then.
Working in McDonald's as a HS kid I had to fight to work a station other than the counter, shakes or fries as they were the only ones the girls were allowed to work.
I had to fight to be the color-guard commander in JHS. At graduation, they assigned a boy to do what I had been doing for 3 years. I took that fight to the principal and won. We had to fight to get girls allowed on the hall patrol also- they finally formed a girls hall patrol.
In college I wasn't allowed to drive the tractors or do any work with heavy equipment on the college farm. The manager had refused to hire me for anything but book-keeping or paper work but was forced to do so by the department head. The farm manager declared he'd work me to death and make me quit; it worked...... Some battles just aren't worth fighting.
In my PhD program at least half the department was opposed to admitting me as a female(and a mother to boot!). Learned quickly I didn't have the energy to fight that fight. Never did get my PhD......
As for the election though, I didn't vote for Clinton and it had zip to do with her being a woman. Gender doesn't trump character and platform.
I wanted to be a veterinarian but they were mostly all male back then.
Working in McDonald's as a HS kid I had to fight to work a station other than the counter, shakes or fries as they were the only ones the girls were allowed to work.
I had to fight to be the color-guard commander in JHS. At graduation, they assigned a boy to do what I had been doing for 3 years. I took that fight to the principal and won. We had to fight to get girls allowed on the hall patrol also- they finally formed a girls hall patrol.
In college I wasn't allowed to drive the tractors or do any work with heavy equipment on the college farm. The manager had refused to hire me for anything but book-keeping or paper work but was forced to do so by the department head. The farm manager declared he'd work me to death and make me quit; it worked...... Some battles just aren't worth fighting.
In my PhD program at least half the department was opposed to admitting me as a female(and a mother to boot!). Learned quickly I didn't have the energy to fight that fight. Never did get my PhD......
As for the election though, I didn't vote for Clinton and it had zip to do with her being a woman. Gender doesn't trump character and platform.
2
"Character and platform"--? Are you joking, or just out of your mind?
11
In 1965 I was 5 years old, and lived to play sandlot baseball with the boys. We played most everyday, and summer seemed to last forever. On one particularly hot Missouri day, all the boys took off their shirts to play, and so did I. A little while later, my mom ran over and pulled me back to the house, saying she needed to talk to me. Everyone groaned because the game wasn't over, and I was up to bat next. When we got home, she explained to me that I couldn't take off my shirt, because it wasn't nice. When I asked why, since all the boys had theirs off, she said it was because I was a girl, and little girls should always be nice. She also said that I couldn't play baseball anymore, because that's what boys did. It was the first time I ever felt different. I never looked at summer the same after that.
I got another lesson about the difference between boys and girls. The summer I was 9, a 16 year-old-boy in the neighborhood molested me. When I told my mother, she said that boys were nasty sometimes, and that I should never be alone with them because they couldn't help themselves. Then she finished up by telling me to never speak about it again, or she would be angry with me because she'd know it was my fault for being alone with them. I loved my mother like the sun, but I never trusted her after that. Even at age 9, I knew something was very wrong about this. But I was a dutiful daughter, and didn't speak up for myself for many, many years.
I got another lesson about the difference between boys and girls. The summer I was 9, a 16 year-old-boy in the neighborhood molested me. When I told my mother, she said that boys were nasty sometimes, and that I should never be alone with them because they couldn't help themselves. Then she finished up by telling me to never speak about it again, or she would be angry with me because she'd know it was my fault for being alone with them. I loved my mother like the sun, but I never trusted her after that. Even at age 9, I knew something was very wrong about this. But I was a dutiful daughter, and didn't speak up for myself for many, many years.
66
My first gender discrimination came from all people, my father. I was about 11, the oldest of what would, become a few years later, six children. I was in the kitchen, either washing or drying dishes while my dad was outside teaching my younger brothers the game of baseball. I went outside, and asked to play, and was told, girls don't play baseball. I've never forgotten that, and when my own daughter was about three, her dad, my husband, was outside teaching her to throw a ball.
26
As I prepared to enter high school, I was asked to choose courses. I had always done well in math and enjoyed it, so I signed up for the advanced math courses. When I arrived at high school, I found myself placed in the regular geometry class. A few days into class, as we were reviewing homework, the teacher mentioned that he had been unable to solve one of the problems. I waved my hand and explained how. The next day I found myself in the advanced math class.
I eventually realized that my status as a girl was the cause of this scenario, and, like many females, I had to overachieve to prove myself.
I eventually realized that my status as a girl was the cause of this scenario, and, like many females, I had to overachieve to prove myself.
34
1959: I wanted to study to become a doctor and had the aptitude and abilities to do so. The counselor was patronizing as he steered me into Medical Technology, assuring me it was a 'step up' from Nursing School requirements and, of course, I would be taking a seat away from a man who had to support a family.
How demeaning to those women who entered Nursing!
I found my way to a program where we (women) were required to take - and pass - 5 classes with the medical students (which I did). I think it was an exercise in sublimation! In those years the enrollment in medical school for women was limited to 10% of the class number, something my OB-GYN niece cannot believe!
I learned my lesson well about a woman's place in the world then and it has guided me through almost half my life where as fate would have it, I became a young widow who had to support and raise three children. Very, very little has changed, very little.
Incidentally, my program in Medical Technology no longer exists. All those female students didn't need it. Medical School was open to enrollment.
How demeaning to those women who entered Nursing!
I found my way to a program where we (women) were required to take - and pass - 5 classes with the medical students (which I did). I think it was an exercise in sublimation! In those years the enrollment in medical school for women was limited to 10% of the class number, something my OB-GYN niece cannot believe!
I learned my lesson well about a woman's place in the world then and it has guided me through almost half my life where as fate would have it, I became a young widow who had to support and raise three children. Very, very little has changed, very little.
Incidentally, my program in Medical Technology no longer exists. All those female students didn't need it. Medical School was open to enrollment.
21
My grandfather was an officer in the Royal Navy and, at 12, I wanted to be a sailor too. He told me that women were not allowed on Naval ships but I could a WAC and work statewise in a secretarial position. They needed women there. I decided then and there that it wasn't a profession for me. He was hugely disappointed.
4
The band story really resonates, along with many others. When I graduated from high school, girls could not join Ohio State's marching band because of its roots in the ROTC in World War II.
13
The story was the same at the University of Illinois; women were not allowed in the marching band though they did play in the concert bands from which marching band members were drawn. The other side of the story was that Illinois was a land grant college and all men were required to take two years of ROTC. However, men who participated in the marching band were exempt from having to take ROTC, because the marching band also played for the military reviews. Had women been allowed in the marching band they would have taken up a male ROTC exemption. So I am not sure if it was worse that women couldn't be in the marching band or that only men were required to take ROTC.
2
Certainly there are disparities caused by the draft, though what we're discussing here is way women's careers and options were stunted by these attitudes that women couldn't or would want to do X or Y. When I was in seventh grade, our home ec teacher regularly told the girls to hide their intelligence because boys didn't want to date girls who were smarter than they were.
Military service continues to pay off on many civil service exams, granting vets a large advantage.
Military service continues to pay off on many civil service exams, granting vets a large advantage.
1964: Gifted in math in elementary school, I wanted to go to Stuyvesant high school the following year. My teachers and principal told me it is for boys only. I decided to write to the principal of Stuyvesant, who wrote back and suggested that I go to Hunter College High School for Girls. But Hunter did not have the math program that Stuyvesant did. I didn't go to either, but I did go on to earn a Ph.D. in math in 1978.
And then there was kindergarten, where I loved the block corner, but not the doll corner. I was told the block corner is for the boys. Sometimes I got away with playing there anyway. And I still envy my brother's erector set (and played with it when no one was home). I could list more such disadvantages, but enough!
And then there was kindergarten, where I loved the block corner, but not the doll corner. I was told the block corner is for the boys. Sometimes I got away with playing there anyway. And I still envy my brother's erector set (and played with it when no one was home). I could list more such disadvantages, but enough!
16
When I was in high school, my father announced that all educated people took chemistry. I had no interest in chemistry, so, rather than spend a year in agony I chose to take it during the summer in a six week cram course. I worked my tail off and by the end of the course I knew I had the third best cumulative grade in the class. (We were a very competitive group of hyper-achievers.) Several days later, I got my course grade -- a B. I was furious. Several weeks later, I asked one of the guys in the class what grade he had gotten. With a smug look he announced, an A. I was furious all over again as I knew I had the better grades. So, I screwed up my courage and went to see the chemistry teacher. When asked about all this he replied, "but he wants to go to medical school." Which meant that both of us got grades we did not deserve.
Not long after that, my parents took me on a trip to New England to look at colleges. On a lark, we visited Smith, then all-women, still all-women. I knew this was the right place for me, for here women could learn and achieve on a level playing field. Our graduating class adopted a signature t-shirt during Smith's centennial year, celebrating a century of women on top. I wore it on Tuesday for good luck. It didn't work. We still have work to do.
Not long after that, my parents took me on a trip to New England to look at colleges. On a lark, we visited Smith, then all-women, still all-women. I knew this was the right place for me, for here women could learn and achieve on a level playing field. Our graduating class adopted a signature t-shirt during Smith's centennial year, celebrating a century of women on top. I wore it on Tuesday for good luck. It didn't work. We still have work to do.
35
OSmith was my first choice. I was accepted there. But my Catholic father rescinded my acceptance to them. And made me go to Catholic women's college instead.
I never got over it.
I never got over it.
13
Yeah, and ... my Father could beat the Mayor's Daughter on EVERY test they had in High School. However, she was the Mayor's Daughter and she went on to a fine College and career. My Father, however, was the son of a single Mother - and he went on to get a factory job, where he withered away until his death.
1
I am 67 years old and the daughter of an Episcopal priest, who was born in 1903. Wen I was a small girl, my father said, "Janie, you can be anything you want when you grow up. Why you could even be President of the United States." I replied, "But Daddy, I don't want to be President. I want to be a priest just like you." He responded that women can't be priests.
44
Thats Religion for ya. Enjoy.
9
Every woman has these stories. I've made it a practice to let young women know a little about what it was like to be a female in this country before feminists made some changes. However, we've still got work to do. Just last week a friend reported that a women (20 something) in a college class said that women shouldn't be leaders "because they were too emotional". Evidently that student didn't watch the presidential debates.
38
These injunctions against accomplishment failed of their essential purpose on many, it would seem, which has worked to the benefit of us all.
5
in kindergarten (1962) a little boy sitting next to me kept pulling my dress up to see my lacy pantaloons. after about the fifth time he did it I raised my hand and complained to the teacher. she punished me for "tattling" and made me stand in the corner.
so humiliating and confusing. my mother didnt understand why I refused to ever wear them again.
so humiliating and confusing. my mother didnt understand why I refused to ever wear them again.
30
In music school I won first chair in my instrument, and the boys said that I must have been giving sexual favors to the band director in order to achieve it. They complained to our instrument teacher who validated their concerns by forcing us to redo the audition instead of standing up for me. The same studio director told me that the boys said those things about me because they "liked" me and I should take it as a compliment.
23
Not really job related but it stung just the same. I was a divorced mom and my elementary school aged son said he wanted to join the boy scouts and could we go to the first meeting so he could join. We sat there listening to the scout leader talk, and the first time he used the phrase "boys and their dads," I thought, well ok, but then he droned on and on using that phrase over and over again while sitting directly across me - clearly not a Dad, at the table.
The heartbreaking moment was when my son tugged at my sleeve and looked up at me with an anguished, embarrassed look on his face and said, "Mom, I don't think we are supposed to be here."
He didn't join the boy scouts and I have never forgotten this moment where my son felt that HE didn't belong somewhere because he was there with me.
The heartbreaking moment was when my son tugged at my sleeve and looked up at me with an anguished, embarrassed look on his face and said, "Mom, I don't think we are supposed to be here."
He didn't join the boy scouts and I have never forgotten this moment where my son felt that HE didn't belong somewhere because he was there with me.
66
In 7th grade, a science teacher informed my parents that "girls don't do science." My mom was furious! She made it clear to me that girls do do science---and they do it well.
The joke, of course, is on that teacher. I have a PhD in the history of science/medicine and today, I oversee a division in the history of science and medicine at one of the nation's most important museums. This job gives me an opportunity to explore and discuss what I think is a hugely important issue: how and why women have been pushed out of science and medicine---and what the consequences of this have been.
The joke, of course, is on that teacher. I have a PhD in the history of science/medicine and today, I oversee a division in the history of science and medicine at one of the nation's most important museums. This job gives me an opportunity to explore and discuss what I think is a hugely important issue: how and why women have been pushed out of science and medicine---and what the consequences of this have been.
67
Hurray for the moms who counter messages like the one from your teacher.
17
So many of these mysoginists forget the Marie Curie and her daughter wer scientists in their own right. If I remember correctly, both received Nobel Prizes in science.
I am 81, and faced this type of discrimination for my entire life, starting with my father. He never let me forget the he really wanted a son, and "only" had two daughters, In school, boys were always favored. When I graduated from college, men became "trainees," while women were given shorthand and typing tests. The faster you did both, the "better position" and higher salary you received. A better position meant working for a man who was at a higher level. Years later, I earned my MBA, but was passed over for promotions, although I worked harder and did better work than my male colleagues. And, of course, I was paid less.
78
Thank you for this reminder of just how lasting gender discrimination is.
20
Graduate school at the University of Illinois - 1983. During preliminary oral exams, women who were married and had children were questioned extensively on how we planned to be good wives/mothers as well as PhD students. None of the men were asked anything about their families. Needless to say, the dropout/pushout rate for one gender was MUCH higher than for the other.
18
1988 - our chemistry teacher casually announced on the first day of chemistry class that chemistry would be difficult if not impossible for girls, as we had a harder time than boys imagining abstract concepts. Whoosh - like a curtain came down and I gave up before we had even started. I don't think it had a huge impact on my life - I doubt I would have gravitated to the sciences - but yikes, what a message.
52
What a message indeed.
11
1968 - my parents sent my brother to an expensive prep school (all male) but would not send me to the sister school because I wasn't going to be anything but a teacher, a secretary or a nurse and didn't need a great education. Left teaching after 2 years, got my MBA and spent the next 30 years in insurance - mostly working for men.
Once (1978) was told I needed to step into an admin role when out admin was on vacation even though I was not the most jr staff member because "only girls do that job"
Once (1978) was told I needed to step into an admin role when out admin was on vacation even though I was not the most jr staff member because "only girls do that job"
10
I'm an Armenian born in Iran in 1969. I was always told I could be whatever I wanted to be. I had a motorcycle at age 7, became a photographer, like my dad and was never limited in any way. My family moved to Canada in 1979 because my sister wanted to be a physicist. she got her PhD in Physics from Oxford. I know these things happen all over the world but I think it's ironic that in a country that is seen as so backwards, two girls followed exactly the paths they wanted. We had to leave to realize them, due to the revolution, but I tip my hat to my parents who never told us we couldn't or shouldn't because of our gender.
184
Another great story about the power of parents.
15
Your story illustrates a key point. You benefited from parents who protected you from a narrative--popular in the US today (with cheerleading from the NY TImes)--that girls face sexism that will get in the way of achieving their ambitions.
Your story is quite similar to that of Marie Curie. Her biography reveals that she had parents who completely supported that Marie and her sister should pursue whatever interests they had. Maria's parents were not at all demanding that Maria pursue any particular course and she turned to science on her own.
There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that daughters of parents who protect them from the debilitating narrative of sexism have a advantage in life. In other words, purveyors of the narrative of rampant sexism, perversely, are obstacles to the success of women.
Your story is quite similar to that of Marie Curie. Her biography reveals that she had parents who completely supported that Marie and her sister should pursue whatever interests they had. Maria's parents were not at all demanding that Maria pursue any particular course and she turned to science on her own.
There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that daughters of parents who protect them from the debilitating narrative of sexism have a advantage in life. In other words, purveyors of the narrative of rampant sexism, perversely, are obstacles to the success of women.
6
In 7th grade the school refused to let me take shop. Only boys took shop. Girls had Home Ec. But I already knew how to use a saw and a soldering iron.
In 8th grade, during career day, when I had selected FBI, the first thing the man said was that the FBI did not hire women as agents.
Also my church said I could not be an Acolyte because I was not a boy.
And my parents refused to pay for college for the girls. Only the boy got paid for.
I do not expect to see a woman president in my lifetime. Hope I am wrong.
In 8th grade, during career day, when I had selected FBI, the first thing the man said was that the FBI did not hire women as agents.
Also my church said I could not be an Acolyte because I was not a boy.
And my parents refused to pay for college for the girls. Only the boy got paid for.
I do not expect to see a woman president in my lifetime. Hope I am wrong.
68
In 1981 I was the only girl in shop class and the following year the only girl in drafting class. My teacher completely ignored me in drafting class. He was arrested several years later for being a pedophile. He liked boys only!
10
Keep soldering, and keep hoping.
20
Our high school track coach in East Tennessee saw me run and asked me to run the 100 yard dash for him. Since there was no girl's Track Team, he invited me to join the boys. I ran a few meets and did well, sometimes winning. A rival team called the coach and told him they would not compete in a scheduled meet if "that girl ran". My coach came to me apologetically and allowed me to make the decision. I left the track team for the good of the team, but believed I could have continued if I hadn't started winning.
41
Your coach should not have put that on you. He should have stood up for you and let the other team forfeit the meet.
20
It says something about today that I can't tell whether this occurred before or after Title IX.
20
When I was in seventh grade, my family took a trip to Washington DC. My parents encouraged my interet in American history and seeing the White House, the Capitol and the various monuments close up was exciting and extremely inspiring for me. We ended the trip with a tour of the FBI. I remember being very impressed. After a long afternoon learning of the history and workings of the Bureau, and the intelligent and courageous agents, the visit ended with a Q&A. I asked if there were women agents. I will never forget what even a 12 year old me saw as amused condescension on the face of the agent as he shook his head and smiled at me. "No," he said, "we don't have female agents. When we need a woman in the field, we just get one of the secretaries." Click! I went on to become a successful attorney. Any wonder why I Question Authority?
33
One of my first sense of injustice about the rights of women and girls was the dress code at my school (later abolished when I entered 3rd grade). Girls were required to wear dresses, however, I had moved past the phase where I only wanted to wear dresses (during that phase I told my parents "pants would make me ugly"). Now I only wanted to wear pants, I abhorred having to wear a dress. When the dress code was abandoned I did not wear a dress again for at least a decade. Now when I look at the still very much gendered clothing for babies and children I feel such dismay. To me it is a stark example of the fact that we are nowhere close to being "there" yet. And to the person who wrote that she has never experienced gender based bias, all I can think is that she is probably lucky to live in a fairly privileged world AND that she thinks that gender based bias only refers to the working world. Really? No catcalls? No "you'd be prettier if you just smiled?" the list could go on and on. We still have so far to go!!! And imagine compounding gender based bias with also being a female of color, or gay, or disabled. C'mon people let's stick together, see things for how they really are for all of us, and support and lift everybody up. Males also suffer in this gendered patriarchal system of ours. Equality is equality FOR ALL.
26
When I went to college in the late 60's, I was told by many oh you are getting a Mrs degree! After getting married, I went to my local department stores to change my name on my credit card. I was told since I was now married, I had to apply in my husband's name. I told them I had established credit, was employed and my husband just graduated college and did not have employment. I was told don't worry, you will still get the credit cards. New cards were issued with Mrs. in front of my husband's name. I could not believe it.
24
When my daughter, who is a college professor with a PhD in computer music, got married to a man which a PhD in nuclear physics, she was advised to continue to use her maiden name for the sake of continuity.
6
When I was in ninth grade in the mid-1970s, the boys at my prep school outside Philadelphia (Germantown Academy, the oldest nonsectarian day school in the country and one that excluded girls for over a hundred years, until 1961) imposed the numerical hotness rating system on the girls. As each girl exited the cafeteria line with her lunch and headed to a table, a pair of boys would hold up a sign with a number on it. To my horror, it actually took several days for the school to shut this down, and on one of those days I skipped lunch altogether to avoid being rated. This had a profound effect on me. Two years later I set my sights on attending a women’s college so that I would be free from such gender-driven harassment.
26
With a low score on the PSAT my guidance counselor gave me a vocational exam, the year was 1971. The guidance counselor called my parents into school and told them college may not be appropriate for me - I should look at hair styling, flower arranging or home decorating. Here's the catch, I was a rather effeminate 9th grade boy. This discrimination didn't just affect women, others were hit with it as well. I studied history in college and did fine. I am a bookseller now and have never felt the urge to decorate or cut hair, I appreciate these folks who do as artists, which I am not. I am sure African-American people were told no due to the color of their skin, lots of us have been judged for many reasons. Let us hope the 21st century moves us past this.
17
Girls couldn't be FBI Agents. The right to leak information and sow doubt about a woman candidate is reserved for men.
68
My first factory job was on an assembly line staffed with dozens of women. The tool and die department was staffed with men, who made much more money than the assemblers. I was intrigued by the tool and die shop and mentioned to two of the men working in it that I wanted to be a tool and die maker. They laughed in my face. Literally laughed right in my face. It was 1983; I was 23. I was also enraged.
Fast forward 6 years. I'd changed jobs and was working in another factory, a GE Aircraft Engines plant. I was making more money than I ever had in my life but I was still intrigued by that tool and die shop, which was much larger at the GE plant. So I applied for the apprenticeship program and was accepted. It was a tough four-year program requiring mechanical and quantitative aptitude as well as college classes. And the journeyman tool and die maker who was supposed to be our teacher refused to work with me because I was a woman and he believed the only appropriate place for me was in the kitchen. Despite that, I graduated four years later and earned my journeyperson's card.
Due to the downturn in manufacturing, I've left the profession (yes, it is a profession) and become a librarian. I'm sure there are very few other librarians in the country who have a tool and die background.
I'm afraid that today's young women forget how recently such discrimination was legal and accepted. Please don't take your status for granted -- some of us worked really hard to get it for you.
Fast forward 6 years. I'd changed jobs and was working in another factory, a GE Aircraft Engines plant. I was making more money than I ever had in my life but I was still intrigued by that tool and die shop, which was much larger at the GE plant. So I applied for the apprenticeship program and was accepted. It was a tough four-year program requiring mechanical and quantitative aptitude as well as college classes. And the journeyman tool and die maker who was supposed to be our teacher refused to work with me because I was a woman and he believed the only appropriate place for me was in the kitchen. Despite that, I graduated four years later and earned my journeyperson's card.
Due to the downturn in manufacturing, I've left the profession (yes, it is a profession) and become a librarian. I'm sure there are very few other librarians in the country who have a tool and die background.
I'm afraid that today's young women forget how recently such discrimination was legal and accepted. Please don't take your status for granted -- some of us worked really hard to get it for you.
216
I'd like to add that my acceptance to the apprenticeship program wouldn't have been possible without my union demanding that I be evaluated on a level playing field with the men who applied. Those who still see unions as bastions of prejudice couldn't be more wrong. A union contract is the only way to ensure that men and women earn the same pay for the same work.
39
Every single woman that I met in Chicago in the trades as first-women worked with men in the unions who sabotaged them, sometimes to the point of refusing to teach them safety rules and behavior.
10
70s. Catholic school. I raised my hand when the priest who stopped by our class asked who wanted to be an alter boy and serve the Lord. "You can't," he explained. "Only boys." That afternoon, when I told my mother (who was expelled from her R. Catholic school in second grade for categorically stating she didn't believe in Limbo), Mom said, "Let's go talk to Fr. Benvenue." We did. He restated the policy, with no justification that made sense to my fourth-grade brain. Standing on the front stoop of the rectory, I vividly remember feeling the vast cruelness and inequity of being excluded, simply because I was a girl. Also remember feeling the first doubts creep in about a church that didn't let everyone "serve the Lord."
11
In 1962 I was denied entry to the College of Business at UConn-Storrs because I was a woman and would "be an embarrassment " to the school if I decided to later get married and have children.
I left and attended a secretarial school-Berkeley- and wound up being the Area Co-Ordinator for a nationwide savings bank....And I raised a family!
I left and attended a secretarial school-Berkeley- and wound up being the Area Co-Ordinator for a nationwide savings bank....And I raised a family!
22
With an art history Ph.D. and five languages, I applied for an opening in the FBI's art theft division. The woman on the phone said it was not possible because I would need to learn how to use a gun. I was at the time a crack shot as was my mother before me. They gave it to a man and then sent him all the way through a Ph.D. program at government expense.
One of many such hurdles as many respondents note. Tally the economic cost and loss to the country and it is much worse.
One of many such hurdles as many respondents note. Tally the economic cost and loss to the country and it is much worse.
97
I wonder as a 47 yo male if i have ever done this to my 14 yo daughter, subtly or subconsciously. I feel pretty strongly that I haven't but i'll ask her - because the powerful stories to me - as a male - are the dads and granddads who pushed the limits for their daughters and granddaughters - I want to make sure I am one of them.
103
I agree that some very powerful stories come from the women who were encouraged by dads and granddads. I read a bunch of the stories aloud to my husband, and he was utterly stunned by some of the stuff girls are -- or at least were -- told at a very young age. Curious to know if other men are stunned by these stories.
38
In the 80s in Boston, I waitressed to pay my college tuition. Hoping to increase my income, I applied at the then-popular Café Budapest for the cocktail server position. I had very good references but it didn't matter because the owner, a female, didn't read them. She didn't hesitate to tell me that she didn't hire women. And for good measure she added: I'm woman enough for this place.
25
One recurring theme in these stories is how many girls and women were denied the better-paying summer jobs or jobs that helped put them through college.
27
P, it's the "Queen Bee Syndrome." I experienced the same thing at the San Francisco Chronicle in 1970 when women were typically relegated to the Society and Fashion sections. The Bee in the newsroom had a notorious, well-deserved reputation for guarding her hard-won territory against younger women. I'll never forget her coarseness, as I was a 25-year old male photographer. Oh, no women in the photo department. Ironically, Rolling Stone magazine hired my San Francisco Art Institute classmate the following year as their Chief Photographer. Good decision. Annie Leibovitz has done quite well and is a terrific role model. I'm a big fan.
1
Red Tee, that was a great reply. I'll add another interesting tid bit: she was a survivor of Auschwitz concentration camp and in 2003 was murdered [you can google the crime story via Boston Magazine].
My PhD is in immunology. In 10th grade (1989) I took my first elective biology course and fell in love with the subject. I devoured the textbook and got 100% on my first exam. After class on the day we got back our first exam I told my (young-ish, male) teacher I wanted to be a biologist - I was incredibly excited and thought he would be pleased that one of his students loved the subject he was teaching. His reaction was that I should probably focus on something else as I was too pretty to be a scientist. I was upset but not deflated as I immediately realized he was wrong. My anger at his unfair comment made me even more determined to follow my dream. I am incredibly thankful for the female scientists before me that kicked and loosened the barriers. Along my path I keep kicking to help all the female scientists that come after me. I am hopeful that the barriers will eventually be destroyed but unfortunately we are not there yet.
82
Strong message to girls who love science. Thank you.
16
Because I was a girl, I was told, "that I could not jump off of a UH-1H in Boc Thuy Province in 1971 while under withering fire from a well hidden VC sniper. I counted on every male around me. I did not at the time think, hey, where is that girl from my high school class, boy I could really use her to suppress fire from the tree line and load some of the wounded onto the slick. Instead we waited over 5 hours for another Huey door gunner to rout out the sniper. I am so sorry that I was not born a girl on that day. Because being there in the rain was a little more upsetting than telling me that I could not study Veterinarian Science. Our squad leader that day never got the opportunity either way.
1
During the 60s I was in high school in Connecticut and wanted to apply to be a page in the U.S. House or Senate. I was told by my "liberal" representative and senator that women ("girls") could not apply and there were way more important issues to be discussed than women's rights. I then wrote to Everett Dirksen, minority leader of the Senate, and he replied that girls could not be pages because:
1. Men would look up their skirts because of where the pages had to sit.
2. There were no women's bathrooms in the chambers.
At that time, Margaret Chase Smith was a senator but she had to go back to her private chambers to use a bathroom. God forbid they get any other women in there!
They did eventually let women be pages; not sure when the ladies room went in.
I've kept that letter and thought of it often.
1. Men would look up their skirts because of where the pages had to sit.
2. There were no women's bathrooms in the chambers.
At that time, Margaret Chase Smith was a senator but she had to go back to her private chambers to use a bathroom. God forbid they get any other women in there!
They did eventually let women be pages; not sure when the ladies room went in.
I've kept that letter and thought of it often.
33
1976. 18 women, 1 man in the freshman Dental Hygiene class Kellogg Community College. 16 of those women voted the man for class president. I voted for myself, and probably strong armed my roommate to vote for me. I don't know he even really wanted to be class president.
Side note: When we graduated in 1978 the climate for women's career choices had definitely shifted. Quite a few of our class never practiced as Dental Hygienist's, they went on to other careers that didn't seem open to us in 1976.
I am however still a happily practicing Dental Hygienist who still after all these years thinks she should have been class president.
Side note: When we graduated in 1978 the climate for women's career choices had definitely shifted. Quite a few of our class never practiced as Dental Hygienist's, they went on to other careers that didn't seem open to us in 1976.
I am however still a happily practicing Dental Hygienist who still after all these years thinks she should have been class president.
11
The best article of the year from New York times by all means, brought tears to my eyes, I have a daughter, and I watch her flourish, I cannot imagine anyone saying these awful words to her "because you are a girl".I continue to ask myself, where did all these come from? whose ideas is it to say what a girl can do or can't do?.
56
These ideas are introduced at birth. Pleas just take a look at the gendered toys and clothing for children, and the gender bias inherent in tv programming for kids and the different ways people speak to boys and girls, and the sexism and bias that they can see as soon as their eyes can focus...and and....
7
Thank you! And to all of you women for sharing your stories!
14
About 10 years ago, I went to buy some bedroom furniture for one of my children. The salesman's first question was, "Girl or boy?" They actually had gender-specific furniture, for goddess' sake!
4
Because I was a girl, I couldn't run the audiovisual equipment in elementary school, and I was told that "girls don't read stuff like that [military history].
12
My parents wouldn't buy me the chemistry set that I wanted when I was ten because chemistry sets were for boys.
12
Same thing here precisely, plus I also wanted an electric train which I never got. But I got tons of dolls which I never touched--they just sat on shelves till I went off to college.
4
I think for boys a lot depends on parental roles and behavior. My mother taught school and managed both our household and those of her parents and bachelor brothers. She was a formidable figure. Perhaps as a result, in my own career in academic medicine, even though there were few women in medicine when I started out, it never occurred to me that gender was relevant to excellence. The consequence is that of the 400-500 physicians in training I have helped recruit and educate, the most outstanding have been women. And sad to say, the performance superiority of women training in my field continues to grow today to an extent that invites gender bias against men as I interview candidates.
11
In 1969, I worked at a McDonald's, and quickly noticed that all the girls had to work at the counter while the boys were behind us, cooking burgers, fries, and making milkshakes. The girls were left to face long lines of impatient customers, and expected to smile without fail. I asked to be put on french fries or milkshakes, and was told no. But I kept pestering, and eventually I broke the milkshake barrier. It happened to be St. Patrick's Day, and I remember how accomplished I felt filling all those cups with green shakes. It wasn't long before I moved on to french fries.
32
Your story reminded me of mine! I also had to work a long counter of customers while the guys were in the back- free to talk, laugh, and be themselves- making the orders. In time, I became manager (at age 17) and assigned myself to work in the back. Thanks for the memory!
9
Just as some days you want to be the Wookie, some days you have to break the milkshake barrier. Glad you did.
20
High-school "guidance" for me involved 5 minutes with the counselor, who looked at my test scores, asked me my favorite subject (French) and advised, "All right, you have plenty of aptitude. Major in French in college, and then if you don't get married, you can always teach." 1964.
32
So many of the barriers from those years, at least in these stories, are laid at the feet of guidance counselors. Makes me wonder how they were trained, when the messages they gave girls were like the one you received.
20
@Mary Jo Murphy: In response to "Makes me wonder how they were trained..."
In 1976 in my very small rural midwestern high school, the guidance counselor was the high school football coach. I know many coaches are excellent teachers and committed to all students. However, in this case, there was no evidence that he was trained to be a guidance counselor. His actions as a coach and teacher made it clear he was focused only on the success of the football team, not my potential. There were many more qualified teachers at my school. Why weren't they in that position? And why didn't any of them take me aside to encourage me, given my strong academic performance?
It wasn't until I was in my 40s, when my son was getting ready to apply to college, that I was reading about ACT scores and discovered that my composite score was in the 98th percentile. Why wasn't I told my score was good? (And I didn't prepare for the test like many do today.) I suspect my score would have allowed me to attend any number of high-ranking schools. But neither my parents nor my teachers encouraged me. Finally, in my 40s, I decided to pursue the dream I had back in high school and I returned to grad school to complete a PhD. I also raised my son to notice and be critical of gender stereotypes, not just for girls and women, but for boys and men, too. What harm is there in allowing girls and boys to pursue their talents?
Thanks for putting this article together.
In 1976 in my very small rural midwestern high school, the guidance counselor was the high school football coach. I know many coaches are excellent teachers and committed to all students. However, in this case, there was no evidence that he was trained to be a guidance counselor. His actions as a coach and teacher made it clear he was focused only on the success of the football team, not my potential. There were many more qualified teachers at my school. Why weren't they in that position? And why didn't any of them take me aside to encourage me, given my strong academic performance?
It wasn't until I was in my 40s, when my son was getting ready to apply to college, that I was reading about ACT scores and discovered that my composite score was in the 98th percentile. Why wasn't I told my score was good? (And I didn't prepare for the test like many do today.) I suspect my score would have allowed me to attend any number of high-ranking schools. But neither my parents nor my teachers encouraged me. Finally, in my 40s, I decided to pursue the dream I had back in high school and I returned to grad school to complete a PhD. I also raised my son to notice and be critical of gender stereotypes, not just for girls and women, but for boys and men, too. What harm is there in allowing girls and boys to pursue their talents?
Thanks for putting this article together.
7
I was anxiously waiting to hear if I had been accepted into graduate school for my docorate. I conveyed my anxiety to the chair of the department in which I had received my Masters degree. I had been awarded four competitive scholarships during my undergraduate and Masters and won an award for having the top grades in my undergraduate major. He looked at me and said that I should just send a photo of myself and I'd get in. Despite my academic accomplishments, he only saw me on the outside.
12
I grew up in the 50s and sixties as well - and, to contrast gender inequality - with a twin brother! Due to the inequality that I perceived, I was a feminist from the age of reason on (even earlier).
The election loss for Hillary is so heartbreaking to me, and the future looks so bleak for women and minorities because the absolute worst sort of man won: the kind I've been fighting against my whole life. All the put-downs, all the humiliations, all the discrimination, and these comments show that I am not alone at least.
So, all the women who turned their back on their own gender and did not elevate the most qualified candidate to the highest office she deserves, who chose to vote for this base, ignorant slob, will be in their own personal hell very shortly. Trump has given his stamp of approval on all types of discrimination and hate, and the floodgates are again open.
Maybe this will bring a renewal of urgency to equality, we can only hope and wonder and begin again.
The election loss for Hillary is so heartbreaking to me, and the future looks so bleak for women and minorities because the absolute worst sort of man won: the kind I've been fighting against my whole life. All the put-downs, all the humiliations, all the discrimination, and these comments show that I am not alone at least.
So, all the women who turned their back on their own gender and did not elevate the most qualified candidate to the highest office she deserves, who chose to vote for this base, ignorant slob, will be in their own personal hell very shortly. Trump has given his stamp of approval on all types of discrimination and hate, and the floodgates are again open.
Maybe this will bring a renewal of urgency to equality, we can only hope and wonder and begin again.
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My PhD is in the hands of the Department of Education's Office of Civil Rights. A recording of one of the conspiring professors' confession is evidence. Why isn't that news? Because it's so common.
NYers, CUNY graduate center has become a diploma mill. Your tax dollars are producing the next generation of Mandarins.
NYers, CUNY graduate center has become a diploma mill. Your tax dollars are producing the next generation of Mandarins.
1
Here's a story from the 2010's. I joined the robotics club my senior year in high school, and was one of the only girls. At one point we were discussing the subjects we had the most trouble in, and I mentioned that for me, physics was the class I had to practice the most for in order to get an A.
"That's because you're a woman," one of the boys casually dismissed. They went on to discuss the recent test they had in their physics class while I wondered how I was the only one who stunned by the cognitive dissonance in such an assertion, since I had the highest GPA and class rank out of all of them. They eventually got to a problem apparently none of them could figure out - to describe a pattern of motion in which velocity constantly changes but speed remains the same. The answer is simple to anyone who's spent three weeks in a physics course, but I sat there, amused by how they scratched their heads for several minutes before I helped them by saying, "A circle."
Needless to say, my female brain was suddenly qualified and they then demanded to know why I didn't elect to take upper level physics along with them. Go figure.
"That's because you're a woman," one of the boys casually dismissed. They went on to discuss the recent test they had in their physics class while I wondered how I was the only one who stunned by the cognitive dissonance in such an assertion, since I had the highest GPA and class rank out of all of them. They eventually got to a problem apparently none of them could figure out - to describe a pattern of motion in which velocity constantly changes but speed remains the same. The answer is simple to anyone who's spent three weeks in a physics course, but I sat there, amused by how they scratched their heads for several minutes before I helped them by saying, "A circle."
Needless to say, my female brain was suddenly qualified and they then demanded to know why I didn't elect to take upper level physics along with them. Go figure.
28
It was the sixties. I was told I could work at the local five and ten store, marry, or go to nursing school. I went to nursing school. Nursing is a wonderful profession, just not one I would have chosen.
I wanted to be a writer and environmentalist. I soon encountered the writings and work of Rachel Carson, and was amazed to learn of all the resistance she encountered including the ultimate female criticism that why would she care about the future of the planet and the effects of pesticides since she was a spinster.
I am on the Board of the Rachel Carson Council and have been to the house where she wrote "Silent Spring." It is painful to see how far we have come since then but at the same time how ingrained and pervasive sexism is.
I am horrified that Donald Trump could get away with expressing such demeaning insults about and to women and still become president. I had such hopes that Hillary would defeat him, become our first female president and heal the wounds that he opened. Now I am concerned that a whole new generation of little girls will be traumatized by the things they have heard him say and that his behavior may embolden little boys to behave in the same way. But I hope that they too are so horrified by his words and behavior and will respond in just the opposite way by becoming more conscious of sexism and choose to once and for all finally move beyond this crude behavior and into more conscious, kind, and compassionate relationships.
I wanted to be a writer and environmentalist. I soon encountered the writings and work of Rachel Carson, and was amazed to learn of all the resistance she encountered including the ultimate female criticism that why would she care about the future of the planet and the effects of pesticides since she was a spinster.
I am on the Board of the Rachel Carson Council and have been to the house where she wrote "Silent Spring." It is painful to see how far we have come since then but at the same time how ingrained and pervasive sexism is.
I am horrified that Donald Trump could get away with expressing such demeaning insults about and to women and still become president. I had such hopes that Hillary would defeat him, become our first female president and heal the wounds that he opened. Now I am concerned that a whole new generation of little girls will be traumatized by the things they have heard him say and that his behavior may embolden little boys to behave in the same way. But I hope that they too are so horrified by his words and behavior and will respond in just the opposite way by becoming more conscious of sexism and choose to once and for all finally move beyond this crude behavior and into more conscious, kind, and compassionate relationships.
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Not to mention Trump's choice to head the EPA who is a global warning denier!!!
6
Take heart. Those little girls will be surrounded by the majority of voters who agree with us.
1
This past week in Atlanta, a student wrote a note to his Muslim teacher that since Trump had won, she needed to hang herself with her scarf.
The uproar was whether this teacher should be wearing a hijab! Said by white Christians with gold crosses around their necks.
The uproar was whether this teacher should be wearing a hijab! Said by white Christians with gold crosses around their necks.
1
Late 1970s, in Rockville Centre a plumber came to our house to do a repair. My other explained what work needed to be done and plumber's reply was, "I should speak to your husband about this". My mother's response was, "only if I can speak to your wife". I'll never forget it and have drawn on her strength in many similar occasions...
103
Many years ago, I had that same problem with an electrician. He asked to speak to the "man of the family". I informed him that the man of the family was a Cocker Spaniel, but he was welcome to speak to him. He finished the job (did it well in fact), I just wish I could have a picture of his rather red face!
12
Would that we all could have had mothers such as yours.
My mother though a college grad herself told my twin sister and me that she would NOT “waste money” on a girl going to college. Looking back she really didn’t like herself.
But unfortunately even TODAY women don’t support women--53% of white women voted for Trump. There is a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women. Madeleine Albright
My mother though a college grad herself told my twin sister and me that she would NOT “waste money” on a girl going to college. Looking back she really didn’t like herself.
But unfortunately even TODAY women don’t support women--53% of white women voted for Trump. There is a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women. Madeleine Albright
5
I was a business executive at an entertainment company overseeing an area of our television business in the late 90s. A few times a month someone would say to me "Oh, I thought you were a lawyer." I was quite puzzled about this until I finally realized that no one expected a woman to be in charge. She had to be a support person. I remember one meeting in which the other side's finance person walked in and immediately said "You're the lawyer?" and I said no. He stared at me speechless for the next 4 or 5 minutes because he absolutely could not figure out who else I could be. I finally told him that I was the lead business person.
16
I've worked for a creative agency for over 7 years. After working harder than many of my male colleagues who started after me I saw a number of them getting promoted above me. I finally brought it to the attention of leadership (all male) saying that this felt like gender-bias and that our company had no female leadership which was problematic. I made my case for a title promotion but was let down with implicit bias such as: I wouldn't be able to have flexibility (I have young children), I don't have the strength, I didn't "own a room." I continued to force the conversations until I left work for maternity leave. Since returning, this issue has still yet to be addressed.
13
I used to work at an art-house cinema in college, where I wanted to be a projectionist so badly. A slot opened up and I applied, only to be rejected because I was "too small and weak" to lift the films onto the platter system. A projectionist taught me how to project on the sly after work; I lifted better than he did. When I proved to my boss that I could do it, I was denied the promotion for insubordination and "being sneaky." I ended up quitting that place because they refused to fire a guy who groped a girl on staff, so. Eff that place.
I used to work for a community arts organization
I used to work for a community arts organization
19
I graduated college in 1995 and married my husband in 1997. He was in the Air Force and I decided in 1998 to apply to join the Air Force. After I submitted my application package, my recruiter told me I needed to get a permission letter from my husband or my application would not be reviewed.
34
In my first job in advertising, a senior executive asked me what qualifications I had to write about a lawn trimmer. Well, I've already been writing about mine safety equipment and helmets for fire fighters.
17
In high school my father told me that if he could only afford to send one of his children to college, it would have to be my brother, because"someday he would have to support a family,"while I never would. Doing the college tour at SUNY Binghamton, I was told by the interviewing deanling that entering female students had higher grade point averages than entering male students, and higher SAT scores as well. When I asked why, he told me that there was more competition for females because as many of us applied, but there were fewer places "reserved" for women. When I asked why, I was told, "bathroom space." It was, of course, affirmative action for males, but no one called it that. Same story at Cornell as well. I wound up going to Vassar, which was still all-women, eventually getting a Ph.D and becoming a tenured full professor at a flagship state university. And, oh, yeah, I've had to support my family while my brother never even married.
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(Not Mark) Interesting comment about your Dad. In the depression my grandfather died leaving a wife and 6 children, my mother was the youngest at 5. My grandfather had wanted my aunt, the oldest, to go to college, but now that was out of the question. However, my grandmother did send my aunt to business school, because, as she said, "A man can always get a job doing something, but a woman needs an education".
Affirmative action for males still exists. Many US colleges & universities seek to create what they call "gender balance" in their classes: a roughly 1:1 ratio of women to men. They claim this makes their schools more "attractive" to students (read: straight students), bc the heterosexual dating scene won't be affected by a skewed male/female ratio.
Bc far more high school girls apply to college today than do boys, & bc girls today generally outperform boys on grades & aptitude tests (not to mention extra-currics & community service), creating a 1:1 ratio almost necessarily means granting admission to less-qualified boys over more-qualified girls. And this is in fact what colleges do.
Some women's (& LGBTIA) rights advocates have raised the hue & cry over this blatant, de jure discrimination. For reasons that mystify me, their efforts have yet to gain traction.
Maybe it's bc private US colleges are now quite open about being private corporations bent on making money & increasing their already-immense endowments.
Maybe it's bc US colleges are more shameless than ever about the fact that their admissions policies -- wh continue to favor "legacy" students (aka "alumni brats"), athletes & "VIP"/"development" students (i.e., those whose parents have made huge donations, or are wealthy enough to be in a position to do so) -- do not in any way create an academic meritocracy.
Maybe it's bc corporate "persons" are all-powerful in the US.
Bc far more high school girls apply to college today than do boys, & bc girls today generally outperform boys on grades & aptitude tests (not to mention extra-currics & community service), creating a 1:1 ratio almost necessarily means granting admission to less-qualified boys over more-qualified girls. And this is in fact what colleges do.
Some women's (& LGBTIA) rights advocates have raised the hue & cry over this blatant, de jure discrimination. For reasons that mystify me, their efforts have yet to gain traction.
Maybe it's bc private US colleges are now quite open about being private corporations bent on making money & increasing their already-immense endowments.
Maybe it's bc US colleges are more shameless than ever about the fact that their admissions policies -- wh continue to favor "legacy" students (aka "alumni brats"), athletes & "VIP"/"development" students (i.e., those whose parents have made huge donations, or are wealthy enough to be in a position to do so) -- do not in any way create an academic meritocracy.
Maybe it's bc corporate "persons" are all-powerful in the US.
One day when I was in kindergarten (1999-2000), I stayed after school at an extended-day program, which involved eating snacks and playing until our parents could pick us up. They had barbie dolls and legos for us to play with. Since I had plenty of barbies at home, I wanted to play with the legos, but I was promptly informed that only the boys could play with the legos. Girls, and only girls, could play with barbies. I told my mom what happened when she picked me up. I never went back.
A year or two later at our school's fall festival, two women were handing out balloons at a booth. I saw a boy go up to them to ask for a balloon. They asked him what color he wanted and gave it to him. When I went up to the booth, one woman thrust a pink balloon at me before I could even tell her which color I wanted. With that action, she reinforced the lesson that women are taught that they should be grateful for what they are given and not complain.
A year or two later at our school's fall festival, two women were handing out balloons at a booth. I saw a boy go up to them to ask for a balloon. They asked him what color he wanted and gave it to him. When I went up to the booth, one woman thrust a pink balloon at me before I could even tell her which color I wanted. With that action, she reinforced the lesson that women are taught that they should be grateful for what they are given and not complain.
46
My family wouldn't buy me cars because I'm a girl so I went to the neighbor's house and played with the boy's Matchbox cars. Those were some of the fondest memories of my childhood.
1
My parents bought me toy cars, trucks, which I enjoyed, but not nearly as much as the dolls they also gave me. I played with them well past the age when other girls had given them up. Still love dolls and all that feminine stuff. Pretty funny now that I think about it.
1
In the year 2000? Just 16 years ago? Lego was already making specialized sets in pink and purple for girls by then! It was decades into the feminist era!
That's bizarre, and had to reflect some eccentric person at that day care center. Legos are ubiquitous toys that both genders have always played with. I am much older than you, and I remember playing with legos in the early 1960s!!!! and nobody said a peep about it.
Someone handing you a pink balloon is hardly "oppression". Many little girls like the color pink, though ALL COLORS are entirely genderless -- in other societies (India, China), pink is a perfectly masculine color.
It is bizarre that you read so much into a harmless lady handing you a balloon when you were six years old.
That's bizarre, and had to reflect some eccentric person at that day care center. Legos are ubiquitous toys that both genders have always played with. I am much older than you, and I remember playing with legos in the early 1960s!!!! and nobody said a peep about it.
Someone handing you a pink balloon is hardly "oppression". Many little girls like the color pink, though ALL COLORS are entirely genderless -- in other societies (India, China), pink is a perfectly masculine color.
It is bizarre that you read so much into a harmless lady handing you a balloon when you were six years old.
When I told my brother-in-law I was going to keep my last name he said: "Oh, you're on of those..."
62
I'm 50 years old, I grew up in a small town in Central Illinois. In high school, our guidance counselor could only envision for me a career in nursing or teaching. As an undergraduate at the University of Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) the adviser assigned to me advised me against pursuing any career except in teaching. As a high school student, an undergraduate, a law student, and even today (!!!) my mother has constantly told me I should drop what I am doing and enroll in a nursing or teacher training program.
After 20+ years as a lawyer, I'm unable to describe anyone as a mentor or as having supported me or my career at any point. To the contrary, when my first child was born, I was told that I would not be given the same assignments because "we can't imagine you'd be able to travel so much." When my second child was born, I was virtually ignored, as if I had committed an unforgivable act.
Sometimes (often) I berate myself for not accomplishing more in my life. I have to remind myself that to the extent I have accomplished anything, I've done it without the advice, support, or encouragement of, well, anyone. In fact, I've done it in spite of active discouragement. I often wonder what might I - and, indeed, any other girl/women in my position - have accomplished with advice, support and encouragement.
After 20+ years as a lawyer, I'm unable to describe anyone as a mentor or as having supported me or my career at any point. To the contrary, when my first child was born, I was told that I would not be given the same assignments because "we can't imagine you'd be able to travel so much." When my second child was born, I was virtually ignored, as if I had committed an unforgivable act.
Sometimes (often) I berate myself for not accomplishing more in my life. I have to remind myself that to the extent I have accomplished anything, I've done it without the advice, support, or encouragement of, well, anyone. In fact, I've done it in spite of active discouragement. I often wonder what might I - and, indeed, any other girl/women in my position - have accomplished with advice, support and encouragement.
148
Hey, at least you went to law school. For us it was "mommy, nurse, secretary, or teacher." Full stop. Most if the women I know were so brainwashed they never pursued a career. Most of the women I know didn't finish college after achieving ther MRS.'s.
8
@Laura: Thanks for your comment. My experiences parallel yours in many ways. Your final thought has haunted me all of my adult years (I'm 57):
"I often wonder what might I - and, indeed, any other girl/women in my position - have accomplished with advice, support and encouragement."
"I often wonder what might I - and, indeed, any other girl/women in my position - have accomplished with advice, support and encouragement."
10
Your third paragraph pierced me like a dagger. As a former gifted female student, I was suppressed by family, peers, teachers, professors, employers. They saw my dreams as laughable; my marks and scholarships were like a party trick. The barriers were insurmountable. I pursue my passions now in private, where my insights and achievements can make no impact on the world. My heart breaks a little more every day.
12
I have a slightly different take on this--from a very early age (4), I wanted to be a nurse. I was told that because I was "bright" and "smart" I should consider being doctor. But I did my homework and knew that nursing is different from medicine and I wanted to be a nurse. There were about 6 of us in my high school class (1973) who wanted to be nurses; I was the only one advised by my male guidance counselor to go into a BSN program rather than a 3 year diploma program. Thank you for that, Mr. Schott! I have had a wonderful and fulfilling career in nursing, which is great. Because nursing is about 96% female, I haven't have to worry (too much) about male bosses trying to grab my breasts. Unfortunately, I have had to deal with bullying which is omnipresent. Women can be mean to women, too.
22
When job hunting after college graduation in 1977, I inquired about positions in the store manager training program of the large supermarket chain I had worked for over five years. I will never forget the response..."girls don't want to be managers, we've got a bookkeeper job open you can have". The men I was speaking with had a good chuckle. Nothing wrong with a bookkeeper position but it wasn't what I was interested in. Said thanks but no thanks. Went to the competition who had a strong commitment to adding women to management ranks.
118
In 8th grade, in 1967, I wrote a paper for my science class on the the brain. Lots of Encyclopedia Brittanica research, lost of hand-drawn charts and diagrams. Totally into it. And at the end of the paper, I wrote that I wanted to be a brain surgeon. When the papers were handed out, I, an all-A student, received a C+. I went to the teacher (male, also a basketball coach) to ask why, and he said, "Girls can't be brain surgeons." And then dropped my paper in that trash basket next to his desk.
A few years later, after being accepted at a music conservatory, my father said he would not be paying any tuition, because it was a waste of money. "You'll just get married and have kids." My options were teaching and nursing.
I went to a different school and graduated summa cum laude with a degree in international relations in just 2 ½ years so as to save money on room and board.
I have a master's degree in English literature. I ran my own business for 10 years. I retired a few months ago as a Foreign Service officer with the Department of State. And yet I have carried this pain for over 40 years.
A few years later, after being accepted at a music conservatory, my father said he would not be paying any tuition, because it was a waste of money. "You'll just get married and have kids." My options were teaching and nursing.
I went to a different school and graduated summa cum laude with a degree in international relations in just 2 ½ years so as to save money on room and board.
I have a master's degree in English literature. I ran my own business for 10 years. I retired a few months ago as a Foreign Service officer with the Department of State. And yet I have carried this pain for over 40 years.
147
Don't forget it, but also try to help and encourage girls coming up now.
It's nearly 50 years. And you clearly bounced from career option to career option -- from brain surgery to international relations to English Lit? Is it possible that's why your teachers & parents did not take you seriously?
Women did become surgeons, even in the 1960s. Why did you get discouraged so easily -- from ONE remark? Do you think every man who goes into medicine or music is fawningly encouraged by every teacher and his parents? Your teacher's behavior is shameful, but why did you have to accept his judgment about YOUR aspirations?
And you'd be surprised to learn that many fathers also push their sons into "practical careers" and won't pay for ditsy degrees in music or art.
Sometimes the pain we carry within ourselves is of our own doing. There is no guarantee in life that everyone will endlessly encourage us, and tell us how wonderful we are. Get over this.
Women did become surgeons, even in the 1960s. Why did you get discouraged so easily -- from ONE remark? Do you think every man who goes into medicine or music is fawningly encouraged by every teacher and his parents? Your teacher's behavior is shameful, but why did you have to accept his judgment about YOUR aspirations?
And you'd be surprised to learn that many fathers also push their sons into "practical careers" and won't pay for ditsy degrees in music or art.
Sometimes the pain we carry within ourselves is of our own doing. There is no guarantee in life that everyone will endlessly encourage us, and tell us how wonderful we are. Get over this.
I was told in HS, at an all girls college prep school, that it was nice that I was good at math and science, but maybe I should put my energies into more feminine subjects.
When I graduated from college summa cum laude, with my chemistry degree and top MCAT scores, I was told that I got into my competitive medical school "because it's easier when you're a girl". With the follow up: "not to take anything away from you, of course, but you have to admit it's easier..."
There is no response, whatever you say is dismissed away, just like my good grades.
When I graduated from college summa cum laude, with my chemistry degree and top MCAT scores, I was told that I got into my competitive medical school "because it's easier when you're a girl". With the follow up: "not to take anything away from you, of course, but you have to admit it's easier..."
There is no response, whatever you say is dismissed away, just like my good grades.
60
When did this happen? Was it the 70s or 80s, when medical schools were eagerly trying to accept female students in order to satisfy Affirmative Action?
It did not mean "you had lesser grades", only that women were being given a preference at that time. There is no point in denying it.
It did not mean "you had lesser grades", only that women were being given a preference at that time. There is no point in denying it.
Reading this story and the comments from the readers makes me hopeful that change is possible and that in the future we may a female president. There are many organization ( namely AAUW) that are working to change the mindset. AAUW continues to encourage female students to become involved in STEM and encourages them to pursue the ideals that women can be whatever they desire and not be discouraged from attaining it.
13
To push women into STEM is no better than discouraging women from STEM. All people need to find work that is suited to themselves and their talents & personalities.
STEM is not the automatic solution for all women (or men), and if enough people go into it....the fields will end up glutted, and then it will no longer be high paying nor workers in demand.
STEM is not the automatic solution for all women (or men), and if enough people go into it....the fields will end up glutted, and then it will no longer be high paying nor workers in demand.
I’m “mid-century modern,” having been born in 1950, so I grew up with not-great expectations. Nor did I ever try, in my younger years, to join the boys in their endeavors in science, math, careers, or sport. But somehow I never forgot this episode from my childhood, when I was four years old. At the time, jet planes, with their cool back-slanted wings, were the latest thing. My little playmate Billy and I were running around the yard, pretending to be airplanes. Whoosh, whoosh, vroom, vroom. Then he spoiled everything by declaring that I couldn’t be a jet plane, only a propeller plane, because I was just a girl. How do these attitudes get planted so early in life, one wonders?
151
I can't forget hearing about an experiment where the researchers dressed each small baby as a girl and then had strangers who didn't know the gender of the baby interact with the child. The adults would tend to turn the "girl" baby toward them talk to the baby face to face. When the same baby was dressed as a "boy", the adults tended to face the child away from them and encourage the baby "boy" to interact with the various toys available in the room. It starts that early with all too many of us. Unfortunately, it is subconscious.
2
More girl jet planes!
6
In grade school I couldn't be a traffic boy. It was a position of responsibility and honor. In high school I couldn't take drafting. I asked why drawing required upper body strength. Also in high school, I couldn't be a ticket taker at the county fair--a very good-paying easy job. They hired my brother, would not consider me. Our dad had taken us to the interview. On the way out, he put his hand on my shoulder, and said, "I'm sorry."
22
When an associate at a law firm, I had written an appellate brief, which contained a couple of turns of phrase that captivated the supervising partner and prompted him to make a show of discussing them with other partners in the firm, and eliciting their praise--this following the trial judge's having phoned the firm to complement me on the quality of my earlier submitted writing. As the copies were being prepared for delivery to the Appellate Court and to all counsel, I noticed that my name as author was removed from the cover page, and was replaced by that partner's name. When I questioned that misrepresentation, especially given our duties of candor as officers of the Court, I was told in no uncertain terms that the partner's name was to remain on the brief; that it was likely to become part of a published opinion, and further reminded that as an associate, it was not my "place" to question the partner's decision. That's when I lost all respect for that man.
Thanks to my Italian immigrant, single parent paternal grandmother and my father, I grew up never having a scintilla of a doubt that I could pursue any goal to which I set my mind; it took a few doses of "the real world" to put cracks in that resolve. I am 60, and I hope my son and daughter both have the freedom to accompany the resolve to make the world a better place, that their father and I worked to instill in them.
Thanks to my Italian immigrant, single parent paternal grandmother and my father, I grew up never having a scintilla of a doubt that I could pursue any goal to which I set my mind; it took a few doses of "the real world" to put cracks in that resolve. I am 60, and I hope my son and daughter both have the freedom to accompany the resolve to make the world a better place, that their father and I worked to instill in them.
32
When I was in high school in the early 1970's, I wanted to get a job. My older male cousin managed a gas station, so I applied to pump gas. I knew how to check the oil and could wash windshields, in those days there was no "self serve". I was told I could not have that job because girls were not allowed to pump gas since the insurance company would not insure the station if girls worked there. Nowadays we all pump our own gas, of course.
37
Was that true about the insurance, or were they lying to you?
In the late 1970s, I tried to apply for a job at a local gas station. The man told me that he did not hire women. Ever. When I asked why he said heavy lifting was involved. When I questioned as to what lifting, I was told trash cans.
Then there was the time I went to an auto parts store to get an oil filter for my car. The man told me they did not make my car that year. Odd because I did many repairs on my beloved old car. Got the filter elsewhere.
This is SOP for women and girls.
Then there was the time I went to an auto parts store to get an oil filter for my car. The man told me they did not make my car that year. Odd because I did many repairs on my beloved old car. Got the filter elsewhere.
This is SOP for women and girls.
4
Diane Ponder, you can still learn welding !
10
A few thoughts: when I was a teenager, I was told women could be nurses, teachers or secretaries. But that all nurses were whores.
Despite this I became a nurse, instead of the pediatrician I wanted to be.
When I did go back to school to earn a BSN, my father had to sign my grades. They were sent to him, out of state, despite my supporting myself for ages. Then when I married, they were sent to my husband. This continued to the late 1980s. My husband met a friend of the University president at his work, told her about this and the next year that policy changed: the grades (and bills) went to the student.
Despite this I became a nurse, instead of the pediatrician I wanted to be.
When I did go back to school to earn a BSN, my father had to sign my grades. They were sent to him, out of state, despite my supporting myself for ages. Then when I married, they were sent to my husband. This continued to the late 1980s. My husband met a friend of the University president at his work, told her about this and the next year that policy changed: the grades (and bills) went to the student.
51
In 1060, I was enrolled in a pre-veterinary course. Someone from the ag program came to me and said, "All the boys have to join Future Farmers of America, but obviously, you're not going to be a farmer. You will join Future Homemakers of America."
I said, "The odds on me being a farmer are much better than they are on me ever being a homemaker."
There was a little kerfluffle, but I never did join the Future Homemakers. I've been running a farm for forty years, and I am a pretty indifferent housekeeper.
I said, "The odds on me being a farmer are much better than they are on me ever being a homemaker."
There was a little kerfluffle, but I never did join the Future Homemakers. I've been running a farm for forty years, and I am a pretty indifferent housekeeper.
62
1960. I'm not THAT old.
28
Yes, but for the attitude you experienced, you might as well have been.
9
poslug, if that was meant as a slur, perhaps I will drive down to Cambridge and hurt you.
Just before I graduated from High Schooling 1969, I took my portfolio with a few letters of recommendations from some teachers there.. I did o.k in Advertising all A's won numerous awards more sop then my male students from High Schools around the country.. I got an appointment the Doyle Dane and Bernbach the highest ranking Advertising agency worldwide. The interview went well I'd say they hired me on the spot and was told to show up as soon as school was over.. a few moths. Great !! But my Dad who's a lovely man whom I loved wanted me to work where he worked.. Disney. So being a good daughter and hadn't learned to be independent yet.. took the same portfolio and letters to the Studois advertising department. Niavely thinking I'd just work there.. but at the end off the interview the guy told me "nice stuff but we already hired a women this year".. Again not independent enough nor earned my feminist wings yet I left thinking not for myself but of letting my Dad down. I ended up at WED, which is now call Walt Diseny Imagineering. And now a Signature Member of the National Watercolor Society. I am fine, but will always have that burning question haunt me. "What if..."
12
It was 1971. The school principal, my parents, and my teacher went through a long process of deciding I should be moved mid-year from 1st to 2nd grade. I was now with a whole new group of older classmates. At recess on my first day I tried to join a game of kickball. Only boys were playing. A boy told me I couldn't play because I was a girl. I was so angry but controlled my emotions and challenged him getting within inches of him and asked, "Are you afraid I will beat you?" Now he was angry and he pushed and punched me. I didn't cry - I just went to my new teacher and told her what happened. He lost recess privileges for the week because ... boys aren't supposed to hit girls. Sigh.
17
When I informed my mother in 1973 that I wanted to go to college and be a nurse she laughed at me and told me I was going to work in the office for her employer.
Fortunately I did not take her advice and have gone on to a very satisfying career while raising a family.
To all young girls who have a mother like mine, don't listen to her.
Fortunately I did not take her advice and have gone on to a very satisfying career while raising a family.
To all young girls who have a mother like mine, don't listen to her.
44
Love these stories! Especially how so many girls problem-solved their way to overcome the prejudices. As a 54-year-old, I have many tales of my own. One of my favorits was when I was 36 and pregnant with my second child. We needed a new car to fit our growing family and I was a much better negotiator than my husband, so took on the endeavor. I told the Subaru salesman I wanted to try the standard Forester. He hesitated, "Ummm, are you sure you can drive a stick? Why don't we try the automatic." Boy, did that piss me off. I insisted on my choice, got in the car with him and showed him exactly how to drive a standard—something I had been driving since I was 15. I think he was shocked. I bought the car, but not from his dealership!
87
Hearing how some women were able to blast their way through or tiptoe around these barriers was one of my favorite things about reading these stories!
16
Just four days ago (so in November 2016) I rented a car. At least four times (more ?) the agent told me it was a stick shift and was I sure I could drive one. I simply answered yes each time. I couldn't be bothered to tell him that all the cars I've owned have been stick shifts. At the time I chalked his concern up to the fact that today most Americans drive automatics. But now I wonder if he would have asked a man the same question not once, not twice, but four times.
11
Thanks to my elder brother, who taught me to drive, I long ago became a master not only at stick shift (my first car was a hand-me-down VW Beetle), but also at parallel parking.
The myth is that women are terrible parallel parkers, because they're bad at spatial relations or some such rot. So I always love the looks on guys' faces -- especially after they've expressed some doubt about my abilities, or even offered to do it for me -- when I whisk my car in smoothly into perfect position on the first try, even in a tight spot. Deal with it, dudes. I love geometry, trig and calculus, too.
The myth is that women are terrible parallel parkers, because they're bad at spatial relations or some such rot. So I always love the looks on guys' faces -- especially after they've expressed some doubt about my abilities, or even offered to do it for me -- when I whisk my car in smoothly into perfect position on the first try, even in a tight spot. Deal with it, dudes. I love geometry, trig and calculus, too.
I was a straight A student, excelled at school, and thought about being a doctor, later changing that dream to becoming a scientist. I also wanted to be a writer. My father was Spanish, and I had two sisters, no brothers. He sent mixed messages all the time, telling me it was a waste of time to major in English, and then telling me he did not think it was worth the money to send a girl to an expensive college. I went to school at a state college because that was all he was willing to help me with, and got married very young to move out of my parents' house. After my first divorce, I went on to get my PhD in a scientific field, and once I had a couple of children, realized no one was taking my science seriously. I am now in business development and about to start an MFA program in Creative Writing to pursue my writing dreams. I wish my dad was still alive, I think he would be proud that I did it all anyway.
16
And just before the election, the Pope announced that women still cannot be priest and there was no outrage....
27
There was outrage alright. We just didn't say anything in public. I said plenty at home where I wouldn't get into trouble for what I said.
The Catholic Church is still about a thousand years behind the times.
It has plenty of privileged men who like running the Church and don't want any competition from the women.
Serena
The Catholic Church is still about a thousand years behind the times.
It has plenty of privileged men who like running the Church and don't want any competition from the women.
Serena
14
Consider the source. Change is impossible.
1
When I graduated from high school, their were very few opportunities in my small NH town, so I enlisted into the Womens Air Force in 1975.
Although I qualified in initial testing at the very top of all of the entry tests, women at the time had very limited job assignments, and I was given a "mission support" job in an office.
I was part of the transitioned "girls" from WAF into the USAF in 1976.
I was selected, competed for, and was offered, a seat in the first class of women accepted at the USAF academy in 1976. My life story would be very different indeed if I had chosen that path!
But I turned that opportunity down,
largely because of the aggressive sexism and misogyny my female friends and I experienced on a daily basis. Men, from lowly enlisted to ranking officers, felt entitled to touch, grab, assault, talk over, name-call, ignore, and belittle our contributions. At the time, there wasn't even a word for sexual harassment. There were no procedures in place for reporting sexual assault, nor consequences for perpetrators.
I chose not to re-enlist for that very same reason.
To this day, people tell me that I'm not "really a veteran" because I didn't fight, and I "only" worked in an office.
Although I qualified in initial testing at the very top of all of the entry tests, women at the time had very limited job assignments, and I was given a "mission support" job in an office.
I was part of the transitioned "girls" from WAF into the USAF in 1976.
I was selected, competed for, and was offered, a seat in the first class of women accepted at the USAF academy in 1976. My life story would be very different indeed if I had chosen that path!
But I turned that opportunity down,
largely because of the aggressive sexism and misogyny my female friends and I experienced on a daily basis. Men, from lowly enlisted to ranking officers, felt entitled to touch, grab, assault, talk over, name-call, ignore, and belittle our contributions. At the time, there wasn't even a word for sexual harassment. There were no procedures in place for reporting sexual assault, nor consequences for perpetrators.
I chose not to re-enlist for that very same reason.
To this day, people tell me that I'm not "really a veteran" because I didn't fight, and I "only" worked in an office.
103
JAB - you were a true soldier as you had signed your life over as a volunteer to give up your life for the good of this country when called to duty. You are a veteran and I thank you for your service. I too went into the WAC's (Women's Army Corps) from a small NH town in 1975. I'm always with you in spirit, sister soldier girl!!!
18
And how about the combat nurses--women in combat--who didn't get combat pay because they weren't 'soldiers'?
9
JAB: When they tell you that you didn't fight -- maybe you could say that you fought all those entitled harassers, and that you are still fighting.
You are a true veteran of the daily wars!
You are a true veteran of the daily wars!
1
I was fired from a job when I informed them that I was pregnant; and it was a a preschool.
37
In 1975 I was 12 years old. At that time, there was a thoroughbred racehorse by the name of "Ruffian", with an impressive record of wins. What was unusual was that this horse was a filly among stallions, so she and her team were getting much publicity. During her last race at Belmont Park (NY), she broke one of her forelegs and was euthanized shortly thereafter. I remember distinctly that she was buried under the flagpoles at Belmont. It was a particularly sad ending. Right after this happened, someone close to me said: "You see? This is what happens when women try to compete with men." It was an utterly cruel comment to make to a 12 year old girl. Obviously, I have never forgotten about it.
96
I remember Ruffian, too. It broke my heart when she was euthanized. (Barbaro's death in 2003 also broke my heart, even though I was an adult, but in that case it was because his owners had tried so hard to save him. I became opposed to horseracing after that. With Ruffian, it was partly that she was a filly, partly that she'd shown such spirit.)
I'm sorry some bully took that misfortune and used it -- with an utter lack of logic or reason -- to try to tear you down. As if racehorses and human beings were anything but apples and oranges!
I'm sorry some bully took that misfortune and used it -- with an utter lack of logic or reason -- to try to tear you down. As if racehorses and human beings were anything but apples and oranges!
What I often encounter are micro-aggressions, not so much outward hostility. I'm a female graduate student in a humanities field, and often have:
- male professors talking over me, interrupting me, finishing my sentences
- male professors telling me what my dissertation is (or should be) about and how I should write it (without asking or waiting to hear what I'm actually doing and why)
- male colleagues and professors dominating discussions and conversations (and being totally unaware that the female people at the table are not speaking and all the men are)
- male colleagues being given more time to talk during seminars than women
- male professors talking down to me during Q&As after I give a paper at a conference
- male colleagues and professors telling me my voice isn't loud enough to be heard and leaning in whenever I speak (my voice isn't THAT soft!)
I could go on.
- male professors talking over me, interrupting me, finishing my sentences
- male professors telling me what my dissertation is (or should be) about and how I should write it (without asking or waiting to hear what I'm actually doing and why)
- male colleagues and professors dominating discussions and conversations (and being totally unaware that the female people at the table are not speaking and all the men are)
- male colleagues being given more time to talk during seminars than women
- male professors talking down to me during Q&As after I give a paper at a conference
- male colleagues and professors telling me my voice isn't loud enough to be heard and leaning in whenever I speak (my voice isn't THAT soft!)
I could go on.
60
Sorry to say it doesn't change when you get out and into the professoriate. And you can add in having your idea ignored until it's brought up later in the discussion by a male colleague.
3
It didn't take reading very far down this collection to find one, then two, then three stories that I could tell too. I had an independent-minded mother, but she could only do so much to help me navigate our country's social norms. I found a good path, but I certainly had fewer options than if I were a young woman today. I'm thrilled with what paths my daughters have carved! I can't imagine there are too many women who haven't experienced at least one of these.
12
I have not experienced discrimination because of my gender.
1
I am really glad to hear you say that. The harder that men and women fight for equality among the genders, the more this will be true.
19
Annabelle Davis - be gracious and encouraging toward all that have suffered for you one day will suffer too. It may not relate to sexism but some other form of hardship for that is the course of life. Learn to be empathic for if you have no compassion for others who have suffered, you have become a wooden tool. And there will be no one there to soften your emotional malaise if you have not been there for others.
16
I can think of a number of "occupations" where this is probably true, but none are included in a list I'd give to a guidance counselor to young women.
1
I was not hired by an incompetent DA with lousy assistants because he said women were too emotional.......and that blacks were too stupid. He was of course exempt as an elected official from the 1964 civil rights act.
I got a job in the only competent DA's office in my state, first woman hired by my boss, and the men lobbied for 2 years to have me moved from appeals to trial court. I became what they called "an honorary man" because I whipped defense lawyers as murderers and rapists just like the men did, and often better.
I also told my boss to hire every damn woman who applied there, even nancy grace, LOL.
I got a job in the only competent DA's office in my state, first woman hired by my boss, and the men lobbied for 2 years to have me moved from appeals to trial court. I became what they called "an honorary man" because I whipped defense lawyers as murderers and rapists just like the men did, and often better.
I also told my boss to hire every damn woman who applied there, even nancy grace, LOL.
20
On several occasions during my 64 years I have been the first woman to ______ (e.g., work on the grounds crew to earn money in grad school). It has been a pleasure to break these barriers and clear the path for other women.
One of the "firsts" was as the first woman hired for a non-clerical position at a particular mechanical engineering firm (in 1978). I did well in the heating department, but in 1982 I took six months off when my daughter was born, having been assured that I would have a job on my return. After six months I was told that there were no openings in the heating dept. but was assured that I would like the electrical department because lighting design was "feminine." At the same time, because I knew nothing about lighting design, they reduced my pay rate by 40%.
Shortly thereafter I ran for office and won >50% of the vote in a three-way primary, then >50% of the vote in a three-way general election, to become our town's first woman chief executive.
Hillary Clinton's defeat underscores the fact that we need many more women in elected office, to develop a pool for future presidential runs.
One of the "firsts" was as the first woman hired for a non-clerical position at a particular mechanical engineering firm (in 1978). I did well in the heating department, but in 1982 I took six months off when my daughter was born, having been assured that I would have a job on my return. After six months I was told that there were no openings in the heating dept. but was assured that I would like the electrical department because lighting design was "feminine." At the same time, because I knew nothing about lighting design, they reduced my pay rate by 40%.
Shortly thereafter I ran for office and won >50% of the vote in a three-way primary, then >50% of the vote in a three-way general election, to become our town's first woman chief executive.
Hillary Clinton's defeat underscores the fact that we need many more women in elected office, to develop a pool for future presidential runs.
69
Thank you for a wonderful piece. It made me realize why I have lost sleep this week and why I am seething with anger and negative emotions when discussing Tuesday. The stories reminded me of my own painful stories and wounds buried in my inner self for decades. Despite straight As, I was told in junior high that I could not be a lawyer because I would never get a job in the late 50s. When I later applied for grad school in a different field, I was told I was not eligible for a grad assistantship because I was a woman...despite straight As and glowing references. I powered thru all this and got my PHD and had successful 30 year career in a big 10 university. However, as your respondents said, "the rejection never left me" and "I'm getting angry all over again, 50 years later...". I do not know how Hillary can contain her feelings after being told that she cannot be president because she used a private server, because she fought to save her one marriage, because she believed the Bush team, because she doesn't look or smile like the first 44 presidents, or because she accepted the usual honoraria for honest speeches in private life. On top of all that, she never avoided federal taxes, never mocked or grabbed men's private parts, never paid $25,000 to silence officials, never mocked or threatened minorities and disabled persons, never lost a single debate, and never threatened to lock up the FBI director for interfering with federal election 9 days before vote. SAD!
327
Louise Madison: Outstanding commentary! Thanks.
12
Louise Madison, I wish I could hit recommend 1000 times. Hope Hillary reads this one.
12
Adding my appreciation for your excellent comment. Curious that the NYT hasn't made it one of its picks.
8
Among other things, I was told I couldn't have a globe. "Globes are not for girls," my mother said.
http://fogeyscove.com/my-globe-my-world-though-the-struggle-never-ends-t...
http://fogeyscove.com/my-globe-my-world-though-the-struggle-never-ends-t...
20
Susan Alexander: I had to giggle. Why on earth would mother prevent you from having a world globe???!!! Good grief!
16
It does seem funny now but it wasn't funny then because it foreshadowed everything else she did in raising my brother and me so differently. It was 52 years ago, so it may well not have been as unusual as it seems now. Then, again...
1
In 1972, toward the end of the war in Vietnam, I enlisted in the Navy. Back then, we were called the W.A.V.E.S.- the Women's Auxiliary Volunteer Emergency Services, but it was still the military, and when I got out, I was a veteran who had served stateside (because enlisted women weren't allowed on most Navy ships or allowed anywhere near the front) during the war in Vietnam. Fast-forward about 45 years. I was now a college graduate, a mother and a grandmother. On Patriot's Day in 2007, I attended my grandchildren's assembly which was presided-over by the local chapter of the American Legion. The local head of the American Legion asked veterans of WWII to stand up, and a few men did. He then asked the veterans of the Korean War to stand up and a few men did. He then asked the veterans of the Vietnam War to stand up, and as a veteran who served during Vietnam, I stood up. I was the only female veteran in the room, but I stood up. And he said, "Yes, we owe a debt of gratitude to the wives of our veterans because they kept the home-fires burning." It did not occur to him that women also served in the military, and he probably thought that I was just some old lady who was simply confused. The good news is that my daughter was there with her high school classmates, and they asked her if her mother had served in the military, and she said "Yes. She was in the Navy." And bless their hearts, they thought that was cool.
41
My mother served in the WAVES during She is no longer with us, but if she were, she would have been for Hillary too.
11
Yes, I among many females, stand tall as veterans of the US Armed Force Services. And by God, we did an excellent job. May our country be proud!
7
My parents raised me to be independent and self-sufficient but always to remember that we are limited in this world by people's perception of us. In the 5th grade, all students were asked to fill out what they wanted to be when they grew up for the year book. I wrote down that I wanted to be President of the United States. I was smart, easily a favorite of most of my teachers. But when my parents saw this they told me "We don't think that is a realistic dream." They meant this in the nicest way possible, they were Pakistani Muslim immigrants who had moved to this country in the 1980s. They were just trying to be realistic and trying to teach me to be level headed and grounded. I adjusted my dreams, always trying to remember not to dream to big because there were clearly things that I knew I could not have because of my race, my gender, and my religion. All too often, these things are intertwined. I continue to be an independent and strong woman, I just learned at a young age I would face limitations based off of my gender, race, and religion.
22
My parents never told me I couldn't be a scientist nor did anyone else. Of course no one told me that working in a male-dominated field would be a real pain in the a** either and that I would have to be relentless to make myself heard.
46
I could add quite a number of similar stories, like the aptitude test in 1963 that led a guidance counselor to advise me to become a nursery school teacher, an utterly laughable piece of advice for someone who'd been focused on science since the age of 7 and eventually became a professor of neuroscience. I'd have been in the running for World's Worst Nursery School Teacher Prize if I'd taken that advice in high school.
Then there was the discovery in college at MIT that one of my male classmates had been given membership in a chemistry honorary society because he'd gotten A's in all 4 chemistry courses he'd taken. I'd gotten no such membership despite having gotten A's in all 5 chemistry courses I'd taken. I then discovered that my big mistake was being female.
Then there was the discovery in college at MIT that one of my male classmates had been given membership in a chemistry honorary society because he'd gotten A's in all 4 chemistry courses he'd taken. I'd gotten no such membership despite having gotten A's in all 5 chemistry courses I'd taken. I then discovered that my big mistake was being female.
296
We've seen a shift from overt sexism to covert sexism - sexism is sexism, regardless. I went to high school in the 90s, and graduated near the top of my class. Yet I was encouraged to aim for a less-stringent college, and to keep my then-boyfriend because "he is going places." Regretfully, at the time, my 17-year-old self did not process the subtle cues. Regretfully, I internalized those messages, and under-perfomed well into adulthood, never truly believing that I was capable and competent. Regretfully, though I'm pursuing my PhD at a top university, these doubts still creep in (though it gets better with every A paper). Optimistically, I am hopeful that the trauma of recent events past has illuminated what covert sexism looks like, and emboldened women - and men - to call it when they see it.
71
April E. - your doubt may actually protect and benefit you. I have navigated my current career without doubt (because I had failed at 2 previous careers and knew myself better). Unfortunately, because I never displayed doubt, the repeated critique I received in my annual reviews was that I was "over confident." Needless to say, "overconfident" women did not last long in my company.
1
When I requested an increase in pay as a newspaper copy editor in 1985, this was the response I got: "What did you say your husband does?"
54
Considering the incredible stories that have been flowing out over the past few days I know this is nothing in comparison, but at the time it crushed me. I still remember it in my early 40s. Words are so powerful to sensitive young kids, and coming from the men and boys in our lives who we love, these things leave a mark.
At probably around 8 or 9 years old a male cousin who was a few years older and my best friend at the time said, "I really like you Mulldoonigan, except that you think you can do everything as well as the boys can do." Those words broke my little heart and undoubtedly damaged the fragile confidence my parents and teachers had obviously helped build.
Fortunately, I have had a lot of time to recover (ha!), and in many arenas in my life his words have been proven wrong time and time again. And I learned a great lesson about how to speak to young children myself. I will not repeat his mistake and will always discourage others from using destructive language like this.
At probably around 8 or 9 years old a male cousin who was a few years older and my best friend at the time said, "I really like you Mulldoonigan, except that you think you can do everything as well as the boys can do." Those words broke my little heart and undoubtedly damaged the fragile confidence my parents and teachers had obviously helped build.
Fortunately, I have had a lot of time to recover (ha!), and in many arenas in my life his words have been proven wrong time and time again. And I learned a great lesson about how to speak to young children myself. I will not repeat his mistake and will always discourage others from using destructive language like this.
31
I'm 30, and I spent four years working on Afghanistan -- two years in Afghanistan, and two years at the Pentagon. Prior to my first deployment, I had very little exposure to the sexism that still pervades our society. On that deployment, where I worked in Kabul as a contractor, I wanted to learn how to use a gun---I'm from a small town in New England and had no familiarity. It seemed like a smart idea for protection while in a war zone. I had to ask my boss for permission to go on the movement to the range on my half-day off. When I made that request, standing in his office, he looked me up and down, and said: "You don't need to learn how to shoot. You have boobs. Men will shoot people for you." I immediately responded, "Be that as it may, I would like to go," and laid out the preparatory steps I had undertaken to make this the logical next step. To this day, I am most angry at the fact that it took until I walked out of his office for the weight of his comment to hit me and for me to grow upset---and that if I had (rightfully) been upset sooner, or expressed that response, it would have done me a disservice in that situation.
53
My senior year of high school in 1980, I was about to graduate as salutatorian and had a high SAT score. Every student had to speak to their assigned counselor about their plans. Mine asked where I was thinking of applying to college and I said the University of Chicago to study political science and potentially go on to law school. He said, "Why don't you apply to Texas Tech, they have a good teacher education program." Teachers are amazing - but I doubt that he told the male valedictorian who wanted to go into medicine to consider other education and career choices. By the way - I went to U of C and got that law degree.
67
When the author Ursula K. Le Guin sold a story, "Nine Lives, to "Playboy" in the 1960s, it was published as by U.K. Le Guin, because everyone knew that women didn't have stories there. Most genre fiction magazines at the time paid a few cents a word; "Playboy" paid $1.00 a word.
Read more about her experience here:
http://www.vogue.com/13301055/ursula-le-guin-steering-the-craft/
Read more about her experience here:
http://www.vogue.com/13301055/ursula-le-guin-steering-the-craft/
12
I was wrong to state that Le Guin got $1 a word. An author who sold numerous stories to Playboy over the years tells me that she likely got 20¢ to 30¢ a word. Not chopped liver, considering, as I wrote, that most science fiction magazines only paid 1-3¢ a word.
7
I wondered about that! $1 a word in the 1960s? That would have been a bleepin' fortune back then -- an average story is 10,000 words!
My grandmother, born 1899, worked in the mills as a child. Her daughter, my mother, became a nurse during WWII (paid for by the government), a big step up from mill work. A natural leader, she became the first woman to head the largest department in our state government in the 1980s. I have a PhD. My daughter, who is 34, attended a top-tier prep school and university that were off-limits to me as a girl. I had so wanted to tell my 3 week old granddaughter that she was born in the same year we elected our first woman president. So we are making progress, but what bothers me today at age 66 was how willing I was in my 1950s childhood to accept that there were things I couldn't do. I did not accept it for my daughter and will not accept it form my granddaughter.
202
Inspiring progression of generations.
8
I was laid off from my job as a copy editor for the local newspaper in 2009 and, trying to find something else local, applied for a copy editing job at a hunting magazine. I was more than qualified for the entry-level position, and, sure enough, they called me in for an interview. I thought it was going pretty well, until the man interviewing me looked me up and down, chuckled and said, "Sweetheart, they'd eat you alive here." I did not get the job.
37
It's devastating to see even younger women on this list. My experience: Talking to a Sacramento State counselor (big, impressive Sac State..) in 1991, he asked what I wanted to major in. I said "biology." He paused and said, "You know, biology is really hard. I think you're just going on your emotions. You need to find something more realistic." Unfortunately, I didn't know at that time how to stick up for myself -- and I never did end up majoring in biology.
51
I graduated with a degree in Psychology in 1981. I wanted to become a psychologist but I and the other women in the graduating class were told to apply for the Master's program in Social Work, because they only let men into the Masters in Psychology program.
17
In sifting through the hundreds of stories women shared, I was also struck by the number of younger women who'd encountered barriers similar to those experienced once upon a time by much older women.
38
Where do these chauvinists get their ideas? I had a femaie biology teacher in the 1950's!!
2
My father worked in the space program. I wanted to be an astronaut. Was crushed when he told me "they don't let girls do that."
16
Reading through these stories I was stuck by two things. One, how utterly foreign and absurd the thought processes of some of the men in them were to me and two, how lucky I am to have the mother I do. Her father was just that kind of man and she never bought into it and made sure that my brothers and I didn't either. I owe her a debt of gratitude for many things and that is just one of them.
131
John--You are lucky to have your wonderful mother. My mother suffered from verbal abuse, although she was very smart, and cagey. But, not very supportive of me, since she seemed to be too busy fending of my father's persistent attacks with words, "You're stupid, and you need me to take care of you."
4
As a 67 year old who has been a feminist her entire life, I was not expecting to be so touched by these stories. However, it turned out to be a reminder, even to those of us who have been in the trenches since our teens, that the battle is never over.
110
In 1964, with a Master's degree from University of California, Berkeley, I applied for a job at Time magazine. "We don't hire women in editorial," I was told. I have never bought an issue of that magazine since then...and never will.
I did get a job at Look Magazine and when I expressed frustration at the demeaning tasks assigned by one of their star writers (such as returning his wife's garments to Fifth Avenue stores and lending his daughter money when he was off on vacation), the editorial director who later became a founding editor of Ms Magazine, offered me a small raise & a bottle of aspirin...and told me to keep up the good work. My treatment there inspired me to answer an ad in the NY Times and become a substitute high school teacher, a career I continued for decades.
I did get a job at Look Magazine and when I expressed frustration at the demeaning tasks assigned by one of their star writers (such as returning his wife's garments to Fifth Avenue stores and lending his daughter money when he was off on vacation), the editorial director who later became a founding editor of Ms Magazine, offered me a small raise & a bottle of aspirin...and told me to keep up the good work. My treatment there inspired me to answer an ad in the NY Times and become a substitute high school teacher, a career I continued for decades.
17
Age 54. I used to work for temp agencies for summer jobs. One summer, I noticed boxes on the application where you would check off what kind of job you were looking for: clerical or "light industrial" (which paid better). I asked what the light industrial jobs were like, and was told they usually involved packing products into shipping boxes - bottles of salad dressing, for example (this was before automation). I said sure, I can do that. "Oh, no," the interviewer replied. "We like to keep those jobs for the men."
37
In high school an aptitude test, as interpreted by a counselor, suggested that I could be a librarian or a secretary among other things. In other words, I could shelve books written by men and file their important files. At UC Berkeley, I was warned about changing my major from French to Asian Languages because "it's very difficult; we have few girls in Classical Chinese." In 2014 I published a novel, and I'm now submitting poetry manuscripts to publishers. I now feel I'm a full human being, at 79.
204
You give me hope. Thank you. I'm 66 and still working on it.
5
Morely - that you so much! You have given me new hope that-at the age of 59-my life-long dreams of being a published writer can still come true. I wish you much success in all your writing/publishing.
7
I took an aptitude test too. I wasn't good at clerical tasks, but rather at spatial relations and math. The counselor told me that my skills suggest that I be an architect, but since I was a girl, he wasn't sure what I could do. "Smart, but unemployable" was his final pronouncement. A year later, my computer programming teacher accused me of cheating on a project because "girls can't do the trigonometry required in the project." I might have pursued computer science in college, but that would have required working with a professor who kept making passes at me. My work now requires statistical analyses and programming. I love it, but mourn the time I spent in less suitable pursuits because these people blocked my path.
4
When I finally got chosen to be on a jury, as a grown-up mother of two, I volunteered to be foreman (not considering the gender bias in that title). The 7 or 8 men in the Jury Room just laughed at me.
40
I grew up in Princeton, New Jersey, and high school boys worked at the university's football games, selling programs. It was good money for a teenager. My younger sister applied to be a program seller, and was told that it was a boys-only job. She asked him, "Have you ever heard of Title IX?" Well, the man told her, it wasn't possible for girls because their clothes didn't have pockets to keep change in. Maura told him that she could sew an apron with pockets for change. He finally relented, but only gave her crummy sections to work.
51
Yup, when there's no justification other than overt misogyny they just start grasping at straws and making up excuses. Ah, the insurmountable problem of pocketless clothing. Surely a man could have solved that problem? Give me a break.
38
Since when do women's clothing not have pockets? If anything we have more pockets than men, plus PURSES!
1
I couldn't be a country manager in Asia as I was told the men wouldn't work for me. I had more credentials and experience but the answer was no. So when I was attacked on the street in China by a student group protesting a silly thing having accidently come upon them, I told no one. Later I explained to some male friends my fear that if I went to the consulate for help, I would never hold a job like the one I loved. I finally left the company when I found out I made 200k less than guys in the same job.
64
Because I was a girl I was first told by my Civil Engineer dad that I couldn't be a Civil Engineer because it was bad luck for girls to work underground (also the reason I couldn't visit his worksite digging a tunnel between the Quabbin Resevoir and Boston using "the mole" but my brother could...). I was then told I couldn't become a veterinarian because you had to be smarter than a doctor to get into vet school (so many less of them then in the 1970s...). I "settled" for pharmacy school in 1971 where I was one of twelve women in my freshman class. We wore white lab coats to class and were required to be "clean shaven" that first year...I had a long career as a pharmacist, but it was never 'the' career I was destined to have. Sigh...And, I'm angry again at the injustices heaped upon us just for being female all over again.
96
And you listened to your dad...why?
He was correct, in that veterinary colleges were full up in the 70s-90s, and it was very competitive to get in -- not so much you had to be smarter than to go to human medical school, but that the competition was tougher.
Today, most vets in veterinary schools ARE WOMEN. However....job prospects and pay have dwindled due to far too much competition amongst way too many vets.
I am sorry you did not follow your heart.
If it makes you feel better....my parent's "dream" for me was that I become a .... clerk-typist. They strongly discouraged college or any post-high school training outside of learning shorthand.
He was correct, in that veterinary colleges were full up in the 70s-90s, and it was very competitive to get in -- not so much you had to be smarter than to go to human medical school, but that the competition was tougher.
Today, most vets in veterinary schools ARE WOMEN. However....job prospects and pay have dwindled due to far too much competition amongst way too many vets.
I am sorry you did not follow your heart.
If it makes you feel better....my parent's "dream" for me was that I become a .... clerk-typist. They strongly discouraged college or any post-high school training outside of learning shorthand.
Lovely vignettes and a reminder to mamy, if not most women of the obstacles we've faced in realizing our dreams. Interestingly, one of the only ads to appear in my online version of the article was for the Fantasy strip show at the Luxor Casino Resort in Las Vegas. It's one job women always have been allowed to do, assuming the had the right physical assets.
22
I loved reading when I was a child and then one day it just hit me: in the stories that I loved, only boys went out to find adventures, to battle witches and find treasure and success. Girls, whether princesses or scullery maids, stayed at home, in dungeons or caves, waiting to be saved. I was a girl, and the books that I loved were giving me the saddest message: I wasn't going anywhere.
84
I read Nancy Drew, the Little House books and Pippi Longstocking. They had adventures.
15
Anne of Green Gables!!! Everybody, read these lovely books full of self empowerment. I wish more young kids would read this series. I truly believe I learned my sense of morality from these books.
4
If you take a look back at Nancy Drew, they books were very much about what she wore (usually a frock), what she ate and what a cute car she drove while solving mysteries. Ha!
4
I see that most of the women here who commented about gender bias are in their 60s but then seeing the other comments from women in their 30s and 40s made me sad that things have not changed as much as we hoped they would. I wanted to become a pediatrician but was told that I should be a nurse instead. I wanted to go to Notre Dame but was told that Notre Dame was only for men. I'd like to say I overcame those barriers and went on to attend medical school but sadly I let those no answers defeat me. I have used my love of medicine and medical knowledge to have a long career in medical transcription editing and quality assurance. It allowed me to stay at home with my sons all through elementary school and that turned out to be just as important.
41
I'm in my 60's but sadly the stark gender bias I encountered was only several years ago. At age 55 I started a food manufacturing company, and my husband quickly joined forces with me. The company has become extraordinarily successful and is one of the largest employers in the area. The local economic development corporation invited my husband to become a member two years before they extended the invitation to me. Even in Vermont, the old boys network is alive and thriving.
1
Thank you for this. All of the stories to one degree or another could be mine. Still to this day the car mechanic talks to my husband who is mechanically challenged, and I answer the questions. I love the puzzled look on the mechanics faces.
120
Yep, I remember the look on his face when I told the tool man that no, I wasn't interested in the pink screwdrivers...
5
It’s called mansplaining. Ask ANY woman who works as a mechanic, in an auto parts store, or a Home Depot.
I’ve noticed that with the recession Home Depot (headquarters in Atlanta, GA) is hiring more women all the time. Men are refusing this minimum wage job and staying home--women are stepping up and doing the work! I can be CERTAIN with my fellow women that none will make stuff up. If they don’t know how to finish or even start a project THEY SAY SO and then find the answer for me.
To paraphrase Lin-Manuel Miranda: "Women. We get it done!”
I’ve noticed that with the recession Home Depot (headquarters in Atlanta, GA) is hiring more women all the time. Men are refusing this minimum wage job and staying home--women are stepping up and doing the work! I can be CERTAIN with my fellow women that none will make stuff up. If they don’t know how to finish or even start a project THEY SAY SO and then find the answer for me.
To paraphrase Lin-Manuel Miranda: "Women. We get it done!”
4
Fortunately, I had a father who wanted me to be a physicist and a physician mother. I went on to a PhD in biochemistry, and then to medical school. My manual dexterity probably did play a part in my initial interest in surgery, but the early hours put me off, and I became a medical-type specialist instead.
Will always remember the 8th-grade science teacher who told me my perfectly developed and printed photographs were "luck". Well, no...