Thank you for your courage and showing your compassion for other women and their families who have or will face this type of decision. You speak for many who are unable to face the insults and threats from male politicians and their female accessories who will tell you the power to make the decision for your family and your baby with its fatal heart abnormality was not yours to make, but the government's to make in concert with a religion whose beliefs may not be those you share. Never doubt that your grief for your baby is expressed in the love you show others. Never doubt that love is returned to you with gratitude for the bravery you are showing by sharing this story.
57
Here's the difference between the pro-choice folks and all the anti-abortion people, as observed on this forum: The pro-choice people write "I'm sorry for your loss and pain" - they never say "you did the right thing" (which is a judgment), they just respect the CHOICE; The anti-abortion commenters, meanwhile, all say "you did the wrong thing", "kill", "murder", "rip the baby". No respect whatsoever for a woman in pain.
125
I am so very sorry for your loss, and so very grateful to you for sharing such a personal and painful story.
51
Some people think you can rationalize any wrong with a big bowl of word salad. It is amazing to watch how Hillary spouts generalities and the media immediately gushes how great it is like Scientology trainers who just handed Ron Hubbard's final revelation envelope to a donor who thinks it sounds stupid. Thetans, you know! I digress. This gal pours her emotional arguments all over the murder of this kid, when everybody knows if the kid was given and could shoot a Berretta, the kid would kill every single person in the operating room, including his selfish self-righteous mom.
16
Thank you so much Ms. Isaksen for sharing your story. You are courageous to "come out" in this hostile environment, and I applaud your courage and dignity.
63
This is important, thank you for writing it.
43
Thank you for your courage in writing this. I'm sorry for your loss.
30
Thank you for sharing your experience and insight. In speaking out, I am sure that you have help many women. I admire your courage and the diligence in coming to your decision. I wish you and your family peace and happiness.
36
Very moving. Loss is such a terrible thing and you were so brave to choose to endure that rather than have your son suffer. You are wounded warriors.
33
thank you for sharing this
20
Thank you for sharing such a truly touching story.
23
Some decisions in life are hard. I guess that's when you start counting God's blessings and starting thinking in perspective.
I have hard time coming to terms with "abortion" specially later term abortion in spite of my total liberal lifeviews.
But in circumstance like these . its really the right choice for the mother and her unborn baby.
We talk about human dignity , what about the dignity to live a happy and healthy life of the unborn child who may not even survive.
Please stop counting our unborn child as another candidate for the progress of the 'faith' or creed.
Please leave the mother alone to chose and believe God will help every one to make the right decision - ALWAYS!.
I have hard time coming to terms with "abortion" specially later term abortion in spite of my total liberal lifeviews.
But in circumstance like these . its really the right choice for the mother and her unborn baby.
We talk about human dignity , what about the dignity to live a happy and healthy life of the unborn child who may not even survive.
Please stop counting our unborn child as another candidate for the progress of the 'faith' or creed.
Please leave the mother alone to chose and believe God will help every one to make the right decision - ALWAYS!.
35
I admire your courage in coming out and writing this piece. My heart goes out to you. Yours is a story that needs to be told to keep people from distorting the truth.
32
All life is placed in jeopardy when the value of a life becomes 'conditional".
13
I keep being asked in NYT surveys what I appreciate about it and keep answering: the quality of the writing. This is the kind of piece I think better sums the idea up - just superb. Thanks.
40
Thank you for sharing your story.
13
No one can know what it is to carry a life within you, the love you feel, and closeness, and then to find there is something wrong. You took the unselfish choice, you put Lev first, and that was brave. I am sorry for your loss, I know you will always love Lev.
35
Thank you for bravely telling us your story. Lev had a wonderful mother, wonderful parents. I wish your husband, your now4-year-old son, and you only the very best. D
24
A very touching story. It shows the heartrending decision made after severe soul-searching, anguish, heavy guilt. It was'nt abandonment nor a lack of love for the baby kicking in the womb. It was truly an act of love, of mercy for the infant who would only know excruciating pain. Most important, they owed their living child their entire attention and love for him to thrive. Meredith, you did the right thing and for the right reasons. Lev is not forgotten and still has a place in your heart. Don't let all these sanctimonious hypocrites get to you and make you feel guilty and leave you in perpetual self-doubt. Your near and dear ones love you for the extreme courage you have shown.
25
Thank you for sharing your experience, your emotions, and your thoughts. It was just beautifully written but hard to read through tears.
19
I am sorry you had to go through this ordeal. And, I am most grateful that you wrote about it. I never had an abortion. I was lucky. I remember when abortions were illegal. I almost lost a room mate in college. She had an illegal abortion and was left with a serious heart condition and is sterile. The doctors
packed her in ice, started an IV . Then he said to her 3 sobbing room mates, "She'll either make it or she won't." Remain Blessed, Joyce
packed her in ice, started an IV . Then he said to her 3 sobbing room mates, "She'll either make it or she won't." Remain Blessed, Joyce
30
Look at all the love and beauty and warmth shared here, because of Lev. A reminder - though you clearly know this - that your family's pain and sadness are deeply meaningful.
19
Very moving piece, thank you for sharing. Rest peacefully, Lev.
18
Thank you for your bravery in sharing this personal and heart wrenching story. My heart goes out to you, and you have my respect, and wishes for a long term peace with your life's choices.
13
Ms. Isaksen:
You have literally brought me to tears.
Thank you for this exquisite piece.
You have literally brought me to tears.
Thank you for this exquisite piece.
12
we too lost a baby at 20 weeks...here we are 30 years later, and I still visit her grave...it's a wrenching horrible loss that is always with us
39
Thank you so much for your powerful and heart-breaking story. I cannot imagine how hard it was to write this; revisiting all of the emotions behind your decision to terminate your pregnancy. Thank you for being so incredibly brave by sharing this, and opening naive and ignorant eyes to this issue.
Bless you and your family, and of course Lev <3
Bless you and your family, and of course Lev <3
13
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your words gave me goosebumps as I cannot even fathom how hard this was for you and for your family and I know that by sharing you're helping someone else who is grieving feel a little less isolated.
10
Thank you for sharing; your courage in revealing this most heart rending, yet humane choice, is a gift.
10
the fact that i do not have a uterus of my own precludes me having any viaible opinion on this topic.. i truly wish men males guys boys would start to figure this out.
19
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
6
Yes, you made the right decision, however other just abort the baby
2
Politicians who do not support this choice of women's free will should be aborted from governing....
21
May this heartfelt story touch and inform some very cold hearts. I thank you Meredith Isaksen for sharing your painful and life changing ordeal with us. And may God bless Lev.
18
Death as mercy sure sounds dangerous.
16
Wow. Thank you for sharing your experience.
11
Absolutely heart breaking. I'm glad you were able to make your own decision, with your doctors, and thank you for sharing your story. I hope it gives you some modicum of additional comfort to know that perhaps you enlighted someone who does not understand what late term abortion is really about. I will share your story with my evangelical friends.
20
Kol Hakavod to you and your family for your courageous decision. You honored life more than you can know.
Tell me why those opposed to abortion are happy to kill a fully formed adult under the guise of the death penalty?
Tell me why those opposed to abortion are happy to kill a fully formed adult under the guise of the death penalty?
25
An incredibly difficult circumstance for sure and you certainly bring up worthwhile points. The thing I have trouble grappling with is as a believer in God I have problems in believing abortion is approved by God. Could I be wrong? On both God and his approval? Absolutely. But I guess that is why they call it faith. In addition, forgiveness comes into the picture if heart felt.
Life is a strange trip and I don't claim to have the answers; just beliefs. May God watch over you and try not to dwell on the decision whether you're a believer or not. If you believe you ask for forgiveness; if you don't believe dwelling on the decision doesn't really do you much good.
Life is a strange trip and I don't claim to have the answers; just beliefs. May God watch over you and try not to dwell on the decision whether you're a believer or not. If you believe you ask for forgiveness; if you don't believe dwelling on the decision doesn't really do you much good.
8
Exceptions for medical disasters used to be considered a standard accommodation of the anti abortion platform. What happened?
30
This is a truly heart breaking experience and kudos to you for having the fortitude to a) go through with it and b) have the courage to share your story with the world. We can all be humbled by your experience - especially those that feel politics is more about a woman's/couple's right than the bigger picture of taking care of this country's economy and perpetuity. I am sure little Lev would thank you!
22
Bill Clinton said it best: "Safe, legal, and rare."
When he said that, abortion was already safe.... it was legal.... but we have done precious little to make it rare. It's time for improvement on that front, too. Not by gov't intervention or more laws, but by education and support.
Unfortunately, our polarized politics makes positive change unlikely.
(Obviously T-rump must--and will!--be defeated!
When he said that, abortion was already safe.... it was legal.... but we have done precious little to make it rare. It's time for improvement on that front, too. Not by gov't intervention or more laws, but by education and support.
Unfortunately, our polarized politics makes positive change unlikely.
(Obviously T-rump must--and will!--be defeated!
30
I was okay all of the way until the end. Stoic, calm, quietly empathetic. I kept it together. And then I read, "We named him Lev, the Hebrew word for heart," and my eyes welled up. May all go well for your next baby, if you choose to get pregnant again. God bless.
36
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for your loss and my prayers go out to you. While I do not agree that women should be allowed to terminate their pregnancies - I don't think we have the right to make the decision to end someone else's life, whether via abortion or the death penalty - I really appreciate the honesty and depth of feeling in your writing. Your essay makes perfectly clear the heart of the pro-life argument - that it's another human being we're talking about here, not a clump of cells. He's a little brother, he's a son, he's a baby.
11
Trump's horrible campaign will give him the immorality that he has always craved. Because he started this conversation and because Hillary will be president and Row will survive Donald will be forever known as God's Gift to Women.
6
This story is a good reminder that the ethics and morality is not as simplistic as many Christians hold. The New Testament can certainly be viewed as forbidding capital punishment and arming yourself to the teeth with automatic weapons. How are those less pro-life than abortion?
31
Thank you for courageously sharing your story, your love for Lev and your family, and the agony of making such a hard choice for all of you. My husband and I lost our dearly beloved child due to complications of extreme prematurity 28 years ago. The emotions, choices,ethics and consequences are very similar. You will recover and heal, with help from others who know how to listen and support you in the process. Lev will be part of you. Yesterday, I found an old card from our nurses. It says a butterfly lights beside you and for a brief moment it is part of your world. But it flies on again. And though we wish it could have stayed longer, we feel so glad to have seen it. Perhaps that lovely quote helps you and others as it did me.
36
I am pro-life, but not anti-abortion. Thanks for sharing your story and reminding all of us of the need for compassion in our world, rather than judgement.
52
It is the stuff of liberal rhetoric to take the specific instance and argue it should stand for the general policy. So with your story, although even in its specifics, and even if we accept your retelling of it, reeks of insincerity. Presumably should you require a heart transplant someday, your first choice would not automatically be suicide so as to spare your 2-year old son "hours upon hours in a hospital." Regarding sparing him the death of a sibling, you at best only spared him the death of one he knew personally. At worst you denied him a brother.
Of course, you would like us to think that your specific instance should justify the partial birth abortion of a healthy baby in the final trimester. Whatever merits your story might have in its specifics, it has none as a general policy. Abortion remains our national stain.
Of course, you would like us to think that your specific instance should justify the partial birth abortion of a healthy baby in the final trimester. Whatever merits your story might have in its specifics, it has none as a general policy. Abortion remains our national stain.
24
Thank you for sharing your story, which makes the point (with understated eloquence) that government should not intrude on decisions so heartbreakingly, intimately personal. You are very brave.
26
Thank god for the 19th amendment. Without the woman's vote our republic would be a true abortion.
11
This small article was so powerfully written that it has clarified the issue for me, a single man, and resolved my ambiguous feelings on late term abortion
29
It's a little hard to believe that we're still discussing this issue. Aren't women citizens? By what right does the state interfere with the control of our bodies?
56
Foolish dogmatism is the opposite of the situation's rational thinking as described.
No State legislature ought to interfere in such decision.
I like Pope Francis, and also admire the relatively adaptive Cardinals who've chosen him.
Because we do not today live in the Holy Roman Empire nor in Reformation's great & less dogmatic era for that matter.
As an agnostic, I acknowledge the churches & religions that (have tried to) help keep mankind less Neanderthal.
Admittedly we imperfects constantly stumble, while the op ed writer's decision is obviously good at least secularly.
And yeah, I am slightly aware that NAZIs do eugenics too.
No State legislature ought to interfere in such decision.
I like Pope Francis, and also admire the relatively adaptive Cardinals who've chosen him.
Because we do not today live in the Holy Roman Empire nor in Reformation's great & less dogmatic era for that matter.
As an agnostic, I acknowledge the churches & religions that (have tried to) help keep mankind less Neanderthal.
Admittedly we imperfects constantly stumble, while the op ed writer's decision is obviously good at least secularly.
And yeah, I am slightly aware that NAZIs do eugenics too.
8
Thank you for such a moving essay on this very personal and misunderstood situation.
To those that criticize the author for being selfish and state they would "do everything" to save this baby, one could argue that your choice is a selfish one. Pain, countless surgeries, severely diminished quality of life is not always a kind alternative to abortion.
If a woman chose to carry a baby in such circumstances to term, then I believe the entire family should be given as much support as possible. However, it is reasonable for people think that abortion is the most compassionate response.
Finally I should add that no woman should have to explain her choice to have an abortion. If you are prolife then you better darn well support every social service out there to support families. Because if you say you are pro life but don't try to give every single child all you can to succeed then you really don't care about babies, children, and parents.
To those that criticize the author for being selfish and state they would "do everything" to save this baby, one could argue that your choice is a selfish one. Pain, countless surgeries, severely diminished quality of life is not always a kind alternative to abortion.
If a woman chose to carry a baby in such circumstances to term, then I believe the entire family should be given as much support as possible. However, it is reasonable for people think that abortion is the most compassionate response.
Finally I should add that no woman should have to explain her choice to have an abortion. If you are prolife then you better darn well support every social service out there to support families. Because if you say you are pro life but don't try to give every single child all you can to succeed then you really don't care about babies, children, and parents.
52
Thank you for showing the courage to write about your choice. We all share your pain in making such a choice. I agree that no one else should have the right to make these choices for us. I am long past my child bearing years, but I have three adult daughters who I hope will someday know the joy of motherhood. But motherhood sometimes comes at a cost and I hope that my daughters have the options to make the right choices for their families, for their children and for themselves.
18
Dear Ms. Isaksen, This is one the most moving, clear, aching, and beautiful pieces of writing I have come across in a long time. I express to you my deepest gratitude for writing this, and to the Times for publishing it.
Several years ago I had identical twin boys who developed a condition making survival either impossible or, at "best," offered a life of total physical pain, mental compromise, and almost certain early death.
We elected to stop their hearts at almost 24 weeks. My heart stopped at that moment as well, and even as I went on to have three children, I will always consider myself a mother of five.
The anguish, as you know so intimately, is physical, seemingly never ending, and isolating. Your beauty and bravery in writing this makes me feel a touch less of the latter. Thank you. - Rachel
Several years ago I had identical twin boys who developed a condition making survival either impossible or, at "best," offered a life of total physical pain, mental compromise, and almost certain early death.
We elected to stop their hearts at almost 24 weeks. My heart stopped at that moment as well, and even as I went on to have three children, I will always consider myself a mother of five.
The anguish, as you know so intimately, is physical, seemingly never ending, and isolating. Your beauty and bravery in writing this makes me feel a touch less of the latter. Thank you. - Rachel
64
This was beautiful from beginning to end and the last line made me cry. Thank you for sharing your story, Ms. Isaksen. I have long been a strident defender against government regulation of late term abortions precisely because I've listened to stories like yours, and I'm not sure how people can honestly look at the women who seek out these procedures and not feel compassion and a desire to support them in their decision.
17
What is the difference between right-choice abortion and eugenic? I think I see where our society is going.
13
Ms. Isaksen, your column made me weep. And it taught me -- a lot. In my youth, I supported my girl friend in her decision to abort our baby without giving the decision much thought. This experience has always gnawed at me. It contributed to my view that abortion is wrong, but a personal, moral decision in which the law -- and government -- should play no part except to ensure its privacy. Later in life, my wife miscarried and I still mourn the loss. Both experiences shaped me, and taught me, and now you have taught me more: that it's too easy to say "wrong" with respect to abortion -- that the decision can be made from love of the child. God bless you and Lev. Shalom aleichem.
24
Decisions like this have been made by all animals who give live birth to their young for a billion years. They are coded in our mamalian DNA. The courts and politicians have little that is useful to add to these difficult decisions.
16
Although this has been pointed out repeatedly, there is an irony in the words of Donald Trump and the Republican stand on abortion.
They always advocate for LESS government at every juncture EXCEPT where it relates to the privacy of a woman's right to carry a baby.
Given Trump's propensity to demean and devalue women in general, this also speaks to his respect for women's ability to make important decisions about their lives.
They always advocate for LESS government at every juncture EXCEPT where it relates to the privacy of a woman's right to carry a baby.
Given Trump's propensity to demean and devalue women in general, this also speaks to his respect for women's ability to make important decisions about their lives.
34
65M children have been exterminated in this country since 1971 and the SCOTUS decision in Roe that "legalized" abortion. This represents the greatest genocide in the history of the world. But alas this tragedy spurs no remorse on the left.
We can lull a child / infant in the womb without consequence but dare you touch, disturb or destroy a bald eagle egg and you will be fined $250k and face up to seamen years in prison. Our sense of morality is truly lacking in our culture and is testimony of progressive values on our society!
We can lull a child / infant in the womb without consequence but dare you touch, disturb or destroy a bald eagle egg and you will be fined $250k and face up to seamen years in prison. Our sense of morality is truly lacking in our culture and is testimony of progressive values on our society!
8
Thank you for sharing this sad story. I hope it helps even one person understand that these difficult decisions must be made by the woman involved, in some cases with support from her family and doctors, but in some cases by the woman alone, Offhand remarks like "rip the baby from the womb" are worse than stupid, they spread ignorance and self-righteousness.
19
Indifferent on the issue of abortion yet a staunch advocate for the rights of individuals with disabilities, forecasting the potential hardships that lie ahead seems selfish. Just the same, it wasn't my decision to offer input.
10
This is precisely why politics should not intrude into medical decisions to be made by the people directly involved.
15
Forgive me. But I find it more than a little humiliating seeing Americans having to make the case against state imposed barriers that damage people who are trying to deal with devastating medical disasters.
13
Articles like these are clickbait for people to rant and rave about abortion.
These parents were people who are making tough, informed decisions regarding the health of their child.
The title "Late-Term Abortion Was the Right Choice for Me" is misleading, making it seem as if the woman just tossed off the decision based on emotional whim.
These parents were people who are making tough, informed decisions regarding the health of their child.
The title "Late-Term Abortion Was the Right Choice for Me" is misleading, making it seem as if the woman just tossed off the decision based on emotional whim.
5
What a beautifully chronicled intimate portrait describing your loss but not without the visceral involvement which underlines the significance of protecting a woman's right to choose. Government need not interfere with our reproductive decisions. Thank you for sharing.
7
Thank you for so courageously sharing your story. Blessings to you and your family.
I have always felt that the people who attempt to legislate women's personal reproductive decisions spring from the same well as those who think they have a right to touch or grab or harass. No matter if it springs from religious belief; it's all about control.
My body, my life, my health, my reproduction, and my religious beliefs are no one's business but my own. And though it's been said over and over, I'll repeat: If men had babies, choice would be a given.
I have always felt that the people who attempt to legislate women's personal reproductive decisions spring from the same well as those who think they have a right to touch or grab or harass. No matter if it springs from religious belief; it's all about control.
My body, my life, my health, my reproduction, and my religious beliefs are no one's business but my own. And though it's been said over and over, I'll repeat: If men had babies, choice would be a given.
24
I am pro choice. I would not make a judgement but for the fact that the writer made this public herself. I stopped aherr she began to feel her ill baby move. I can understand removing an already dead fetus. But making this decision where the fetus is moving and there are so many unknowns. May be born dead? May need a heart transplant. May?? Wow.
14
Wow, quite the subtle strawman argument. You do realize the VAST majority of people are not opposed to abortion in cases like this.
The vast majority of the opposition to abortion is in cases where people are irresponsible and careless and want them available, on demand, for convenience. Snuffing out a life for convenience is abhorrent. But let's all keep pretending women only get abortions in cases like Meredith's.
The vast majority of the opposition to abortion is in cases where people are irresponsible and careless and want them available, on demand, for convenience. Snuffing out a life for convenience is abhorrent. But let's all keep pretending women only get abortions in cases like Meredith's.
7
One tragic example does not make the case. There is little difference between the child the author describes and some children recently born with cerebral defects from a Zika infection. In the latter case, these children are now outside the wound, with horrific disabilities. Using the same logic, should these children now be euthanized? What is the difference between ending the life of a late stage fetus and euthanizing a disabled individual who cannot care for themselves? Is it just "...sight unseen"?
9
sad story and I don't think anyone would condemn this family for their choice
But to extrapolate this case to the wider abortion issue is dishonest
The vast majority of abortions including late term are elective of healthy infants and not based on vaibility
But to extrapolate this case to the wider abortion issue is dishonest
The vast majority of abortions including late term are elective of healthy infants and not based on vaibility
6
What an extremely difficult decision you and your husband faced. I support the right of every woman to make these very personal, difficult, and heart breaking decisions. Our government has no business being involved at all.
18
Lev's life was not "ripped out of a womb" but was allowed to avoid the pain and sorrow being born would only have spread. Lev was not killed because of sex or race and was spared the type death that would usually have happened.
Lev was able to impact more lives than many who live much longer. I will still vote for DT and fervently support limitation of frivolous abortions of gestation to the beginning of the 12th week. This article's abortion of gestation was the opposite of frivolous and would be allowed by Arkansas Act 301 or the 12-week limit.
Lev was able to impact more lives than many who live much longer. I will still vote for DT and fervently support limitation of frivolous abortions of gestation to the beginning of the 12th week. This article's abortion of gestation was the opposite of frivolous and would be allowed by Arkansas Act 301 or the 12-week limit.
3
I have often wondered how people who purport to believe in a god who sends each of our souls into a physical body on earth cannot realize that their god has also sent a purpose for that soul's life. Perhaps god sent Lev to create in this family an understanding of immense suffering and joy so that they could then reach many souls and turn on compassion in many hearts. Could that not be the purpose? That Lev's soul work was to inspire compassion?
I am an agnostic but if I did have a full faith in the god that so many in America cite as their highest moral guidance, I would believe that each of us is sent with a purpose. Each of us dies and becomes new energy. Some die before others.
Thank you for telling us about Lev and your family, Ms. Isaksen. May you heal continuously.
I am an agnostic but if I did have a full faith in the god that so many in America cite as their highest moral guidance, I would believe that each of us is sent with a purpose. Each of us dies and becomes new energy. Some die before others.
Thank you for telling us about Lev and your family, Ms. Isaksen. May you heal continuously.
5
Donald Trump tried to convince Marla Maples, to whom he was not then married, to abort his perfectly healthy baby daughter in early 1993. Maples refused. The child was born in October 1993, and Trump married Maples in December 1993. Ultimately Maples left Donald and they were divorced. Hypocrisy, thy name is Donald.
25
The Roe vs. Wade decision was the watershed moment in American politics for evangelicals to coalesce and take their absolutist stand. In a very real sense, the success of the Conservative Christian movement guided the NRA in its increasingly extreme positions. Both of these lobbying groups have distorted reality, which you so poignantly express, with a self-serving horror story which furthers the aims of a patriarchal society. Your story denies the de-humanizing and demonizing of adults making this choice including the medical professionals. It is the mark of a racist mentality that allows anyone to cast any human situation as uniform for all. Thank you for sharing.
7
As a mother I feel your pain. But I'm troubled by the language of this essay which, inadvertently, gives ammunition to forced-birth proponents. You talk about the fetus as if it was a baby and I'm sure you must have felt this way. But I did not, not even when I sensed the kicking and moving around. Until the moment I actually held my sons in my arms, they were just a process of development taking place inside my body. It was like waiting nine months for a Christmas present and seeing the train that is supposed to bring it slowly approaching. My feelings are not more legitimate than yours nor the other way round. They are just different - which is why legislation cannot be based on feelings but on ethical reasoning. A fetus is not self-aware and neither legally nor morally can be considered a person. So you don't need to agonize over your decision. You prevented the creation of a life doomed to pain and suffering. This is the only ethical decision under the circumstances. I wish you better luck next time if you decide to try again.
8
Thanks for sharing your life experience. Nobody not the government or anyone else has the right to dictate what a woman should do when they are faced with tough choices like this. I am incensed to the point of apoplexy that this keeps surfacing in political campaigns. I can't even imagine how painful and how tough this is on women and families. Where is the love and compassion in this country?
9
I have never been faced with a decision about abortion for myself so I cannot say whether or not I would have one. But that decision is for me to make for myself and not for someone to make for me; especially a man who has never carried a child, faced caring alone for an ill child or who never had to worry about supporting his children.
16
This is a touching story but unfortunately also functions as a straw man argument for the issue of late term abortions. The issue is whether the government has ANY right to impose laws and regulations regarding late term abortions. Donald Trump was exactly right when he declared that Hillary Clinton opposes ANY laws and regulations on late term abortion. Thus instead of this story we could just as easily be confronted with the horror story of a woman who decides it is inconvenient for her to have a baby and thus terminates the pregnancy in the 8th month. Would the comments here still be so supportive?
7
"Who are we to make that choice for someone else?"
Exactly.
It is the woman's decision, to be made with her physician and whomever else she seeks counsel from.
Not by arbitrary fiat from the government or any religious organization.
Exactly.
It is the woman's decision, to be made with her physician and whomever else she seeks counsel from.
Not by arbitrary fiat from the government or any religious organization.
17
Thank you for telling your story. These decisions are always uniquely difficult, since there is no absolute or certain right answer. There is only doing the best we can for all those we love, according to our conscience and such knowledge as we possess. Though it is not a decision anyone wants to face, still less is it a decision anyone wants to hand off to unknown strangers sitting in a legislature in some distant city.
6
My nephew Luke was also diagnosed with an incurable heart defect in the second trimester, but his mother opted to carry him to term. He lived for just ten hours, but his parents were able to hold him, comfort him, nurse him, and then let him go.
Sadly, many couples are never given this option of neonatal palliative care, and choose to end the lives of their babies instead. In so doing, they are denied the very powerful experience of redemptive suffering: the kind of suffering that wounds our hearts and yet heals our souls at the same time.
As one who has just lost his wife of 25 years – to cancer, at the far too early age of 45 – I think I know what this suffering looks like. But in a society that has all but abandoned faith, it is no wonder that so few people discover its meaning. Until we do, we will continue to abort sick babies, and offer cancer patients lethal doses of tranquilizers.
Sadly, many couples are never given this option of neonatal palliative care, and choose to end the lives of their babies instead. In so doing, they are denied the very powerful experience of redemptive suffering: the kind of suffering that wounds our hearts and yet heals our souls at the same time.
As one who has just lost his wife of 25 years – to cancer, at the far too early age of 45 – I think I know what this suffering looks like. But in a society that has all but abandoned faith, it is no wonder that so few people discover its meaning. Until we do, we will continue to abort sick babies, and offer cancer patients lethal doses of tranquilizers.
9
Thank you for sharing, but I wanted to point out something for the benefit of women who may be facing this same decision. I am in no way challenging the legal right to an abortion, just asking you to consider the following story that my wife and I experienced.
In 2003, my pregnant wife learned that our unborn baby had a fatal birth defect that resulted in non-existent kidneys and underdeveloped lungs, resulting within after birth. My wife decided to carry the pregnancy to term and our son lived for 8 hours.
To some it might have seemed wiser to have had an abortion, but in our experience, though sorrowful, the experience was rather rewarding. We got to hold him, we got to kiss him, my wife even got to nurse him briefly. Our son spent most of his short life napping, and in the end he just kind of dozed off and didn't wake up.
We buried our son Luke in a little graveyard a few miles from where we live and we visit the grave at least once a year on his birthday. We keep a picture of him in our home and we made a picture book about his short life for our other children. We grieved and then we moved on, and then had other children.
I do not condemn the author of this article or any other woman who made this painful choice. I'm just offering our story as an alternative that could be a more healing one if you found yourself in a similar situation.
In 2003, my pregnant wife learned that our unborn baby had a fatal birth defect that resulted in non-existent kidneys and underdeveloped lungs, resulting within after birth. My wife decided to carry the pregnancy to term and our son lived for 8 hours.
To some it might have seemed wiser to have had an abortion, but in our experience, though sorrowful, the experience was rather rewarding. We got to hold him, we got to kiss him, my wife even got to nurse him briefly. Our son spent most of his short life napping, and in the end he just kind of dozed off and didn't wake up.
We buried our son Luke in a little graveyard a few miles from where we live and we visit the grave at least once a year on his birthday. We keep a picture of him in our home and we made a picture book about his short life for our other children. We grieved and then we moved on, and then had other children.
I do not condemn the author of this article or any other woman who made this painful choice. I'm just offering our story as an alternative that could be a more healing one if you found yourself in a similar situation.
7
As i grow old so too grows the issue of what is our definition of "quality of life". i know this is about abortion but it strikes me as the same issue in terms of life's circle. i commend Mrs. Isaksen for her difficult decision.
Placing myself in not only her position but thinking in terms of the life inside her i would have made the same choice. Though i am male and didn't feel the "kicking" life from within (i did from the outside!) i see and understand the joy in a mother's face and smile.
Right now i am dealing with "living wills", DNR's, family and friends with Alzheimers, Dementia, cancer.... i am reminded that birth is a death sentence as well; time and place not set and hopefully with much joy and happiness life has to offer between.
So for me to bring into the world a life struggling in pain and unknowing from that beginning breath to the very last one is not a decision to be made by anyone other than the parents.
Placing myself in not only her position but thinking in terms of the life inside her i would have made the same choice. Though i am male and didn't feel the "kicking" life from within (i did from the outside!) i see and understand the joy in a mother's face and smile.
Right now i am dealing with "living wills", DNR's, family and friends with Alzheimers, Dementia, cancer.... i am reminded that birth is a death sentence as well; time and place not set and hopefully with much joy and happiness life has to offer between.
So for me to bring into the world a life struggling in pain and unknowing from that beginning breath to the very last one is not a decision to be made by anyone other than the parents.
8
I strongly believe that having a baby or not is such a private matter that absolutely no one other than the mother of the unborn child and - maybe - the father must be able to decide if they want an abortion or not. Period. I'm having a very hard time seeing old men discussing about if a young woman should have the full right over her own body or not. That to me sounds absolutly absurd and not right. I am a father and I know about the bond between a mother and a child, I know as much as a man is able to understand, and it is just a vague understanding. Never would I allow myself to try to force a woman to either have my child or not. All I think even fathers should be allowed to have is expressing their opinion and what they would like - but the ultimate last decision must be with the mother.
11
Although a heart-wrenching decision to have to make, I think it says that life is more than just a heartbeat, that there is something to be said for quality of life. This mother demonstrated what it truly means to be "pro-life" as opposed to just being "pro birth-at-all-costs." I concur with others who have stated this is not a decision that should involve anyone but the woman (and her partner if she so choses) and her doctor. The state/society should have no voice in the matter.
14
I am not sure I would have written this article and put myself in harm’s way, e.g. public discussion, as it goes these days, particularly online.
The description of your baby kicking made me gasp, and I don’t know if I would have had the determination to continue at that point. That description, that moment, sums up this terrible debate between pro-choice and pro-life, not because babies kick but because awareness of life is so acute at such moments yet the decision looms over the joy. It took me into those tragic moments of life and it made me thankful that at least for the moment, I am not facing one.
The only thing that matters to me, in the end, is your right to decide without being punished by law. That doesn’t make me automatically a supporter of abortions, though; I’ve heard some young people discuss having them in casual terms and have been uncomfortable. On the other hand, Trump’s portrayal of the issue was so cruel, such a disgusting play into the religious right, it revealed more about his nature than he wanted, I think. Btw, I was raised Catholic and should be one of them but can’t be; sticking my nose into another’s tough decisions has nothing to do with God/goodness.
Lastly, thank you for this: " You will always carry this loss, but someday, it won’t define you.” Some of the best words to live by, ever.
The description of your baby kicking made me gasp, and I don’t know if I would have had the determination to continue at that point. That description, that moment, sums up this terrible debate between pro-choice and pro-life, not because babies kick but because awareness of life is so acute at such moments yet the decision looms over the joy. It took me into those tragic moments of life and it made me thankful that at least for the moment, I am not facing one.
The only thing that matters to me, in the end, is your right to decide without being punished by law. That doesn’t make me automatically a supporter of abortions, though; I’ve heard some young people discuss having them in casual terms and have been uncomfortable. On the other hand, Trump’s portrayal of the issue was so cruel, such a disgusting play into the religious right, it revealed more about his nature than he wanted, I think. Btw, I was raised Catholic and should be one of them but can’t be; sticking my nose into another’s tough decisions has nothing to do with God/goodness.
Lastly, thank you for this: " You will always carry this loss, but someday, it won’t define you.” Some of the best words to live by, ever.
8
Thank you for sharing this. Many years ago the NYT did a story on this issue and featured a woman I knew from New Hampshire who faced this with her husband, a very wanted baby, a very tragic malformation at 20+ weeks. What kind of monster would ask, a woman to carry such a pregnancy to term, go through labor, know the baby will be die - or risk the baby dying the woman and the medical complications that entails. I can only assume good intentions on the part of people who say they want to protect "life" but I don't see them regulating how other medical decisions are made. Telling women and their partners that they are not capable of making such excruciating and heartbreaking decisions themselves and must be "regulated" is an insult to the humanity and intelligence of us all.
28
This touching personal story only emphasizes the need for abortion at any stage be taken out of the political arena. Many voters make their decision based on this one issue. If it were a "non-issue" very viable candidates could be considered on qualifications beyond their opinion on a life-changing decision that should be made by a woman, her doctor, her partner and her higher power.
4
Have we all lost our imaginations? are we so narrow-minded that we can't predict a circumstance where we would change our minds?
it's not a lack of empathy. people do respond when they hear a story that tugs at heartstrings. But it's a lack of imagination -- the inability to conjure up the possibility that someone with a different point of view may be right -- either for themselves, or at large.
I blame the civic ignorance and the absence of creative writing and critical thinking in our curricula. bunch of stubborn fools, we are.
it's not a lack of empathy. people do respond when they hear a story that tugs at heartstrings. But it's a lack of imagination -- the inability to conjure up the possibility that someone with a different point of view may be right -- either for themselves, or at large.
I blame the civic ignorance and the absence of creative writing and critical thinking in our curricula. bunch of stubborn fools, we are.
4
Therapeutic abortion should never be curtailed. The only reason there is an 'abortion debate' is because nearly 95% of abortions are performed not for need, but desire. The American public has long believed in fairness and justice for the innocent and the numbers of children in utero who are killed 'just because' is frankly horrifying. People, it isn't 'healthcare' when there's nothing wrong! Elective abortion is performed on the same basis as cosmetic surgery (whim) but with far more sinister results - pretty much 100% death rate for a human being.
7
One other thing to consider is the mother's life. There are conditions where a late term pregnancy threatens the life of the mother - severe eclapmsia for example. This is also a difficult decision to make, but I think we should advocate to save the life of the mother and not put MDs at risk for sacrificing both lives.
10
A beautiful elegy--thank you. It evokes the poignancy of a decision few outsiders to it could properly imagine, never mind understand fully. But it also shows how at least some understanding can come from really listening, something that righteous people and institutions are especially bad at. Listening on issues so near the moral bedrock can be hard enough when views don't align, but gets impossibly hard when sides get set up as simple oppositions -- right vs. wrong, life vs. death, and by extension pro-life vs. anti-life or pro-death, as when those who abort are categorically referred to as murderers.
6
I was a Critical Care Nurse for 20 years, and a Nurse Anesthetist for 19 years. The government doesn't have a role in making end of life decisions, period. Terminating a pregnancy, or terminating life support is always painful, but is always extremely individual in terms of causes, judgements of liklihood of outcomes, and impacts. It is...individual, a decision to be made witht he affected people in communication with their professionals, and their own conscience and ethical framework. The best answer to Mike Pence's statement tthat his faith tells him that we must "protect the most vulnerable, including the unborn" would have been "You know, we don't live in a theocracy, don't you". It's none of your business.
16
Thank you for putting that into words so perfectly. The conversation about abortion seems to be dominated by people who either will never have to make that decision or think they never will. The voices of people with actual lived experience have been completely silenced, and it is very refreshing to hear such a clear and wise one.
5
You have my sincere sympathy for your loss. I lost a son at 5 years of age. It is the most heart breaking thing a parent can face. I think many people do not think clearly when it comes to abortion. Hillary says the baby has no rights up to the moment of birth. Trump says late term abortion is not acceptable. But often it is overlooked that what conservatives are against is someone making a choice that results in the termination of a viable life. In your case your baby would have in all likelyhood not have lived. There are always exceptions to every rule. I know that Trump or anyone with a brain would have said you acted responsibly and with love and compassion for your unborn child. The issue is really about mothers who abort as a matter of convenience rather than accept the responsibility for the life they created. Conservative believe a baby has rights from conception. Liberals think the mothers rights are greater than her unborn child. This is a huge difference from your situation. Medical decision always trump political decisions. When a child is conceived conservatives believe that the baby has rights to live. I don't believe any conservative or human being would disagree with your right to make a choice in your situation.
1
It is so sad that a woman has to even justify making a heartbreaking decision like that. The government should never stand in between a woman and her doctor making these critical medical decisions. No law can encompass all of the circumstances that can arise in a difficult pregnancy.
10
All parents need to live by what Meredith wrote: "parenthood sometimes means we sacrifice our own dreams so our children don’t have to suffer." That would help the world immensely. Ultimately, this decision was hers and she had to take the course of action she felt was right for her and for her baby. Unless and until men share equally in the full breadth of child-rearing, the opinion of any man is merely academic. My sympathy to you in loss of your child, Meredith.
4
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and heart wrenching story. I am so sorry for your loss. Abortion was, for me, the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. And I deeply believe that most women do not easily arrive at this choice. They do not happily climb onto that clinic table. The path to that day is proceeded by agonized soul searching, buckets of tears, and sleepless nights. And that path is followed by more of the same. No one except the parents could or should be in the position of making this awful choice.
8
Like many others have this article is not relevant .
Most people who are pro life understand that there are situations where aborting a pregnancy is the right thing to do.
The case that this article is about is one of them.
This woman was right to have the abortion because the child could not live.
Lets say this child could live a normal life with some procedure that can be done in a hospital.
Lets say they invent a device that can take the place of a heart.
I would say this woman would not be right to abort the pregnancy.
Tell me what you think.
Most people who are pro life understand that there are situations where aborting a pregnancy is the right thing to do.
The case that this article is about is one of them.
This woman was right to have the abortion because the child could not live.
Lets say this child could live a normal life with some procedure that can be done in a hospital.
Lets say they invent a device that can take the place of a heart.
I would say this woman would not be right to abort the pregnancy.
Tell me what you think.
5
Our society, and most around the world, make decisions every day about who lives and dies. Juries that hand up death sentences, political leaders who make decisions to send soldiers into battle, police officers who are trying to apprehend criminals. Every day someone in America makes the decision to take a life.
6
This article, as well as the overwhelmingly positive responses to it, tell me that we are living in the moral Dark Ages. The author attests to the humanity of her child, affirms her love for him, then describes how she commissioned his murder -- oh, sorry, "terminated [her] pregnancy" -- to spare that child and her family physical and emotional pain. What the author doesn't acknowledge are the mothers of already-born handicapped children who would be prosecuted for first degree murder if they, say, poisoned those children to end their suffering. Because this particular woman's baby still resides in her body, asking that poison be shot into his heart, or that scalpels be used to detach his limbs from his body, is acceptable, compassionate, even evidence that she loves him. Had she waited a couple of months and smothered him with a pillow after sedating him, explaining that the physical pain he was in made it cruel to let him live, the same people who laud her in these NYTimes comments would cry out, "What kind of mother would kill her own child?" and "Medical science can do so much these days to alleviate pain! How could she kill her baby?!" The intellectual dishonesty is risible; the hypocrisy is galling; the low morality is chilling.
6
My husband and I also had to make this choice. At 19 weeks pregnant, we were devastated to hear her daughter had less than a 2% chance of a 2% chance of making it to term and that she was dying. Her birth defects were too numerous.
To us, our decision was the same as taking our dying child off life support. We loved her very much and lovingly held her when she was born and died. We named her Eide. We were grateful to be surrounded and supported with love by the incredible doctors, nurses and chaplain who attended us.
My many sympathies to you and your family.
To us, our decision was the same as taking our dying child off life support. We loved her very much and lovingly held her when she was born and died. We named her Eide. We were grateful to be surrounded and supported with love by the incredible doctors, nurses and chaplain who attended us.
My many sympathies to you and your family.
9
Agreed. "Our government has absolutely no place in the anguish.." In fact, our government should have absolutely no place in what decisions are best for women and their unborn.
What our government should do instead of wasting a lot of time discussing abortion and what's allowed, is focus on leading our country as it relates to the issues officials have been elected to work on like education, infrastructure, job growth, etc. Real leaders who have ideas would know this by now.
What our government should do instead of wasting a lot of time discussing abortion and what's allowed, is focus on leading our country as it relates to the issues officials have been elected to work on like education, infrastructure, job growth, etc. Real leaders who have ideas would know this by now.
3
Having an abortion is never an action that is weighed without tormenting thoughts or for that matter after thoughts.
A woman has to took at herself in the mirror, look deeply into her own eyes and question the actions pro or con she is about to embark on.
Looking into one owns eyes, her own conscience, is not as easy as one might imagine. It is indeed looking into one's own soul.
It ain't like putting on eyeliner or mascara.
For someone to casually pass laws, to interfere with the hellish decision a woman has to make, to go thru the anguish on taking a life that is growing inside her body is so very different than pumping drug inside a body, shooting someone in a firing squad, or hanging someone, because one is literally destroying a part of one's self.
The government has no business being involved as the government has not been invited to share this journey.
A woman has to took at herself in the mirror, look deeply into her own eyes and question the actions pro or con she is about to embark on.
Looking into one owns eyes, her own conscience, is not as easy as one might imagine. It is indeed looking into one's own soul.
It ain't like putting on eyeliner or mascara.
For someone to casually pass laws, to interfere with the hellish decision a woman has to make, to go thru the anguish on taking a life that is growing inside her body is so very different than pumping drug inside a body, shooting someone in a firing squad, or hanging someone, because one is literally destroying a part of one's self.
The government has no business being involved as the government has not been invited to share this journey.
2
Thank you so very much for your poignant portrayal. You have painted quite a different picture of reality versus the words of a Reality TV star did the other night.
Too many of us cannot fathom what it must be like to be in your position. Contemplating this "Sophie's Choice" having to deal with this life-altering decision, and then having to live with its consequences the rest of your life must not be taken lightly. Yet many seem more than willing to play God, giving unwanted advice on something which they know nothing about.
I firmly believe in a merciful God, more so than a just One. I believe we humans, by our very nature, being imperfect, will come across many bridges to cross, and crosses to carry and bear, during our lives, some far more than others. As a man, though I will never be in a position to share your experience, you have my sincere empathy. As a Catholic, I believe in following what our good Pope Francis I said when asked an unanswerable question: "Who am I to judge?" Who indeed, are we to judge.
DD
Manhattan
Too many of us cannot fathom what it must be like to be in your position. Contemplating this "Sophie's Choice" having to deal with this life-altering decision, and then having to live with its consequences the rest of your life must not be taken lightly. Yet many seem more than willing to play God, giving unwanted advice on something which they know nothing about.
I firmly believe in a merciful God, more so than a just One. I believe we humans, by our very nature, being imperfect, will come across many bridges to cross, and crosses to carry and bear, during our lives, some far more than others. As a man, though I will never be in a position to share your experience, you have my sincere empathy. As a Catholic, I believe in following what our good Pope Francis I said when asked an unanswerable question: "Who am I to judge?" Who indeed, are we to judge.
DD
Manhattan
5
I am 100% pro choice. However, this article is misleading. Studies suggest that the majority of women who get late term abortions do not do so because the mother or baby's life is in danger. They do it because they have trouble getting the money together to pay for it; lack transportation; etc. Moreover, women who get first trimester abortions vs second trimester abortions suggest that the motivations are, in both cases, similar. (Lack of accountable partner, wrong time of life, etc.) Though the women who get late abortions tend to be even poorer and have even lower levels of education....So let's not kid ourselves that every late abortion story is a morally untouchable as this one.
7
I find it difficult to accept a USA that fights for the rights to bear arms but wants to take away a woman's right to have an abortion. Many times the decision is not about "birth control". It's about making it difficult decision to terminate a pregnancy for health reasons. The people who want to overturn Roe vs Wade are not the ones who will have to pay and care for a severely ill baby. No, they are the ones who avoid paying taxes like Trump.
5
I have sensed myself becoming numb to the normalization of "anything goes" diatribes and negativity, but reading this made me cry. Feeling just a fraction of the agony experienced by this brave, beautiful mother and her family, I also cried for all of us, and the loss of civility and decency in a culture that is surrendering itself to crudeness, bigotry, and a lack of compassion. May it happen that we someday are able to reflect back and actually thank Donald Trump for forcing us, as individuals and as a nation, to look into our own hearts and make a conscious choice to live by John Wesley's words, often quoted by Hillary Clinton, to do all the good we can do. Meredith Isaksen and her precious son, Lev, have shown us that there is no room for judgment in situations such as theirs, only room for hearts that open to each other.
5
Of course, any reader should have sympathy for this mother's plight. This seems like more an argument for euthanasia than for abortion when the person (or fetus) has a prognosis of a sure and painful death.
But would people be equally sympathetic if the abortion were performed for other reasons such as a preference for a different gender - which often cannot be determined for 20 weeks ? There are a litany of reasons why someone may choose to abort a child.
Consequently, the author goes too far when she says, "our government has absolutely no place in the anguish which accompanies a late-term abortion". The government absolutely has a compelling interest in protecting life. And this is the conundrum - how to balance the interests of the right of a woman to her own body vs the responsibility of the government to protect an unborn child's life.
To balance these competing interests, the government has generally set a dividing line - no third trimester abortions. The law certainly differs from state to state. But that's the general equilibrium.
Maybe there should be an exception where the health of the mother or child is in question. But even here, one can go to far. Should a woman have the right to abort a child born with Down Syndrome or other malady even though many such children grow to have full lives ?
Instead, this seems like grandstanding by Hillary convinced that liberals will run the tables like in 2008. Not very Presidential.
But would people be equally sympathetic if the abortion were performed for other reasons such as a preference for a different gender - which often cannot be determined for 20 weeks ? There are a litany of reasons why someone may choose to abort a child.
Consequently, the author goes too far when she says, "our government has absolutely no place in the anguish which accompanies a late-term abortion". The government absolutely has a compelling interest in protecting life. And this is the conundrum - how to balance the interests of the right of a woman to her own body vs the responsibility of the government to protect an unborn child's life.
To balance these competing interests, the government has generally set a dividing line - no third trimester abortions. The law certainly differs from state to state. But that's the general equilibrium.
Maybe there should be an exception where the health of the mother or child is in question. But even here, one can go to far. Should a woman have the right to abort a child born with Down Syndrome or other malady even though many such children grow to have full lives ?
Instead, this seems like grandstanding by Hillary convinced that liberals will run the tables like in 2008. Not very Presidential.
3
It is an insult to think that women would have a late term abortion because it is inconvenient to carry a pregnancy. Such cases are extremely rare. Its a rare occurrence even in counties where it is relatively easy to get an abortion. Overwhelming majority of late term abortions are for medical reasons. I say this as a mother who sadly lost her first pregnancy to a miscarriage. And as a mother who refused any testing on my future pregnancies.
4
@SM. First, I'm not an obstetrician but have some experience with these issues. Please re-read the article. Late term abortions are allowed in California until just before the point of viability outside the womb, i.e, 24 weeks of gestation. Almost all of these are to protect the health of the mother (meaning she could die) or because the fetus has severe abnormalities.
After that point, the pregnancy isn't interrupted unless it's unsafe for the baby or the mother, and then the goal is to save both. The choice of caesarean or vaginal delivery depends on the timing and relative risks to fetus and mother. If the child is clearly not viable outside the womb, comfort care is provided rather than attempts at resuscitation.
In cases where things are less black and white, the parents are given the best medical assessment and advice about the pros and cons among reasonable options. These are very difficult situations, and different families make different choices. This is as it should be.
As usual. Donald Trump has virtually no idea what he's talking about.
After that point, the pregnancy isn't interrupted unless it's unsafe for the baby or the mother, and then the goal is to save both. The choice of caesarean or vaginal delivery depends on the timing and relative risks to fetus and mother. If the child is clearly not viable outside the womb, comfort care is provided rather than attempts at resuscitation.
In cases where things are less black and white, the parents are given the best medical assessment and advice about the pros and cons among reasonable options. These are very difficult situations, and different families make different choices. This is as it should be.
As usual. Donald Trump has virtually no idea what he's talking about.
5
Ironic that, at a glance, the vast majority of those questioning the incredibly brave and anguished decision this author faced are ... men.
I'm a man, I confess, but I also know that 91% of abortions occur before 13 weeks - and just 1.3% after 21 weeks. Ob-gyns (ie, actual experts) report never encountering women wanting late-term abortions for the sake of avoiding "inconvenience" - they are undertaken almost exclusively for the health of the mother or because fetal anomalies have been detected.
I'd also have more respect for the position of those who oppose abortion if they actually advocated complementary policies that indeed reduce abortion numbers, such as comprehensive sex education and accessibility to contraceptives. But I suspect for most abortion opponents, it's not really about reducing abortions, right?
I'm a man, I confess, but I also know that 91% of abortions occur before 13 weeks - and just 1.3% after 21 weeks. Ob-gyns (ie, actual experts) report never encountering women wanting late-term abortions for the sake of avoiding "inconvenience" - they are undertaken almost exclusively for the health of the mother or because fetal anomalies have been detected.
I'd also have more respect for the position of those who oppose abortion if they actually advocated complementary policies that indeed reduce abortion numbers, such as comprehensive sex education and accessibility to contraceptives. But I suspect for most abortion opponents, it's not really about reducing abortions, right?
9
This is a sad story and I am sorry that this couple had to suffer in this way. She made her choice that was right for her family.
I am a pro-life woman who is opposed to abortion but do not ever condemn or judge those who have made the decision to end a pregnancy. This must be the most difficult decision a woman must make in her lifetime. We must show compassion and mercy towards those who have this procedure.
Hillary Clinfon supports abortion access at all stages of pregnancy and makes no apology for her views. She is very friendly with Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood who attended the Democratic National Comvention this year. She was a big donor to Mrs. Clinton's campaign and wants her support for PP which is the largest abortion provider in the country. 300,000 plus abortions are performed each year at these facilities. This is tragic in my estimation.
Mrs. Clinton seemed quite callous and uncaring in her support for Roe v Wade and wants to continue this practice of ending the life of the innocent babies in the womb. She said it was the woman's body and her choice to make but no consideration is given that there is a life bring snuffed out. She seemed so blaze and it was upsetting to many of us.
We cannot judge but we must not sit back and let more innocent babies die at the hands of abortion doctors. We have already lost 60 million little ones and this must end. Babies are precious and deserve to live. We do not need any more abortions.
I am a pro-life woman who is opposed to abortion but do not ever condemn or judge those who have made the decision to end a pregnancy. This must be the most difficult decision a woman must make in her lifetime. We must show compassion and mercy towards those who have this procedure.
Hillary Clinfon supports abortion access at all stages of pregnancy and makes no apology for her views. She is very friendly with Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood who attended the Democratic National Comvention this year. She was a big donor to Mrs. Clinton's campaign and wants her support for PP which is the largest abortion provider in the country. 300,000 plus abortions are performed each year at these facilities. This is tragic in my estimation.
Mrs. Clinton seemed quite callous and uncaring in her support for Roe v Wade and wants to continue this practice of ending the life of the innocent babies in the womb. She said it was the woman's body and her choice to make but no consideration is given that there is a life bring snuffed out. She seemed so blaze and it was upsetting to many of us.
We cannot judge but we must not sit back and let more innocent babies die at the hands of abortion doctors. We have already lost 60 million little ones and this must end. Babies are precious and deserve to live. We do not need any more abortions.
3
A wonderful article. I have really negative feelings about abortion in the abstract and so understand the impetus behind the right-to-life people. I also understand that the government has no business in our bedrooms or in other most intimate and personal choices. The Supreme Court attempted to balance these two aspects of real life.
Each case will be unique with the mother's situation being different, the fetus's being different, and those surrounding the mother being different. You cannot remove life from inside you without impact on yourself for the rest of your life.
Leave our women their respect and let them consult those they trust in making this momentous decision. I cannot imagine being absolutely certain that it is the right decision, either way, at the time. Years later, that certainty may arrive, or may not.
I have never felt at all privileged to be male until reading this article. Men never have to confront this decision at the same level as women. Of course, we never get to experience the joy of childbirth either. Both will always be secondhand for us. We must do our best to support our complimentary gender when they confront tough decisions that only women must make.
Each case will be unique with the mother's situation being different, the fetus's being different, and those surrounding the mother being different. You cannot remove life from inside you without impact on yourself for the rest of your life.
Leave our women their respect and let them consult those they trust in making this momentous decision. I cannot imagine being absolutely certain that it is the right decision, either way, at the time. Years later, that certainty may arrive, or may not.
I have never felt at all privileged to be male until reading this article. Men never have to confront this decision at the same level as women. Of course, we never get to experience the joy of childbirth either. Both will always be secondhand for us. We must do our best to support our complimentary gender when they confront tough decisions that only women must make.
3
The question has always been whether a fetus is some kind of alien or a potential human being, and whether such a nascent life should be inviolate. Obviously, some fetuses are fatally defective or harmful to their bearers (dare we say mothers) and should not be allowed to continue development. If we suggest that all human life is sacred, we have to ban abortions; therefore, the pro choice argument is that human life is not sacred. I think the argument eventually resolves upon the existence of the soul. something for which there is no evidence, as well as the wishful thinking of billions of religious fanatics.
3
Thank you for sharing this story. My wife and I, parents to two lovely daughters and now proud grandparents to a 4-year-old princess, have never been forced to make a decision even remotely like this. But I do feel your pain and your compassion.
While I completely support women's right to choose for themselves, I am most definitely not pro-abortion. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever met a single person battling on the line defending women's rights who is. Abortion should be, as Bill Clinton pointed out, legal, safe and rare. I find it astounding that those who are more most vehement in their condemnation of abortion are equally adamant in opposition when it comes to providing women with more and better choices than whether or not to simply have the procedure - and it's never simple. Canada, through a long and circuitous process, serendipitously ended up with no laws governing abortion. Which is as it should be.
While I completely support women's right to choose for themselves, I am most definitely not pro-abortion. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever met a single person battling on the line defending women's rights who is. Abortion should be, as Bill Clinton pointed out, legal, safe and rare. I find it astounding that those who are more most vehement in their condemnation of abortion are equally adamant in opposition when it comes to providing women with more and better choices than whether or not to simply have the procedure - and it's never simple. Canada, through a long and circuitous process, serendipitously ended up with no laws governing abortion. Which is as it should be.
3
There are no words I can convey that would articulate my sadness over the painful decision that had befallen you and husband. No one can ever know what that feels like unless they are in the same moment as you were. It must have taken a great deal of courage to write this op-ed. Donald Trump and his ilk believe they "know-it-all." And they want to put restrictions on these types of decisions that women face regardless of race, creed, or color every single day. Yet, they want to remove restrictions from gun ownership. How that makes sense, I don't know. But what I do know is that only when they would face this most difficult choice would they understand and comprehend these are not easy decisions to make for anyone, but they are the right decisions for a whole host of reasons. We shouldn't have to make them, but we are forced to through circumstances that only a higher power controls. To be mindful of the child's potentially incredibly painful experience and the role that everyone might play in it is not easy task. It's no easy decision. I, for one, am so sorry that you had to make that decision, but it seems as if it was the right decision for you and your family. The burden would be far too great on everyone to have continued on. Sometimes, we have to realize that these most challenging decisions are the right ones and we should never be restricted by government in making them.
Ms. Isakesen's touching account of what must have been an emotionally and morally agonizing personal decision stands in sharp contrast to the bombastic, sensationalized and intellectually dishonest claims by Trump of babies being violently ripped from their mothers' wombs mere days before their due dates. More to the point, what Trump was describing in his ugly demagogic style is generally known in the medical profession as a C-section, which results in a live birth.
And another point needs to be made. Trump contends that the regulation of abortion should be returned to the states. In fact, the trimester system adopted by the Court in Roe expressly allows the restriction of abortion once the fetus becomes viable outside the womb. That is, the states are already empowered to regulate late-term abortions to protect the life of the fetus. In this respect. overruling Roe would change nothing.
And another point needs to be made. Trump contends that the regulation of abortion should be returned to the states. In fact, the trimester system adopted by the Court in Roe expressly allows the restriction of abortion once the fetus becomes viable outside the womb. That is, the states are already empowered to regulate late-term abortions to protect the life of the fetus. In this respect. overruling Roe would change nothing.
5
The problem here--and the problem with state of our nation's abortion debate--is that neither side is being reasonable, and uses extreme examples to justify maximalist positions. Most people would agree that, in the context described in this op-ed, an abortion should be allowed. But the author misleadingly casts her experience as a reason why ALL "late term abortions" should be legal. But there's a big difference between aborting, at 21 weeks, a fetus that--if it even lives--will be severely handicapped, and aborting a healthy fetus at 9 months. By lumping both situations into the "late term abortion" category and trying to justify the second on the basis of the first, the author and the pro-choice movement does itself a disservice.
Similarly, the pro-life movement cynically uses the 9-month, healthy fetus example as a reason to disallow ALL late term abortions, even those involving a fetus with severe health issues.
The first step in reaching a national consensus on the abortion issue is for both sides to "get real," stop taking maximalist positions that the majority clearly disagrees with, and stop using generalized and stupid arguments to justify those positions.
Similarly, the pro-life movement cynically uses the 9-month, healthy fetus example as a reason to disallow ALL late term abortions, even those involving a fetus with severe health issues.
The first step in reaching a national consensus on the abortion issue is for both sides to "get real," stop taking maximalist positions that the majority clearly disagrees with, and stop using generalized and stupid arguments to justify those positions.
3
As a geneticist myself, I've noted that my most challenging situations arise when a very wanted fetus has a severe life-limiting disorder, pushing a loving family to have to decide about continuation of a completely wanted pregnancy. These women are loving mothers, and these fathers are loving fathers. There is nothing more tragic than finding a fatal anomaly in a fetus during very wanted pregnancy. The doctors who performed the deliveries of these pregnancies do so with care and with a massive amount of respect for the mother and fetus. These aren't violent births, but are more often gentle, with families holding their child at the tragic end of life. My belief is that these decisions should be made in private, with a physician or physicians and other healthcare professionals involvement and without any government restrictions. I applaud all of the remarkable and brave women who have come forth with their own stories of heartbreak. Thank you for sharing your anguish with those who are so judgmental.
30
I'd like to ask all of the male politicians and these so-called "right to life" people out there what they think gives them a right to tell women what they can and cannot do with their bodies. These people are not "pro-life" by any stretch of the imagination. They are pro-fetus. The minute that baby is born these are the same people that want to deny that child housing, medical care, an education, etc. They are HYPOCRITES.
7
for those of us who have been there, you have no idea what this decision and going through with it is like - none. it is the worst day of your life, pretty much.
hands off the bodies of women who have to do this.
hands off the bodies of women who have to do this.
4
The inequality of human reproduction starts with gametes. One ovum per troublesome month vs billions per happy ejaculation--easy come easy go.
From then on it's women's work. Their expanding bodies house and nourish the growing passenger--who may or may not be trespassing--violating the basic property rights of a person regarding control of her own body--especially entry and egress.
The stupidest myths--held religiously, dogmatically, without evidence--surround the process--
That a god implanted the spirit (Latin for psyche) at conception--loving them all equally--as his.
That what a god giveth no man shall put asunder--as if those gametes are married.
That the conceptus stage human being (a process) is a fully fledged person--a being with a personality; not merely a potential person, more like a "human vegetable".
That pregnant women are someone else's property--a god, father or husband--to have and control. The god's control through religions and clergymen; fathers and husbands control through polities and politicians.
That women's purpose and function is incubator--whether they choose it or not.
All these myths make women reproductive slaves of men. Time for emancipation is long past.
Stage of gestation is irrelevant. Women should own and control their own bodies.
From then on it's women's work. Their expanding bodies house and nourish the growing passenger--who may or may not be trespassing--violating the basic property rights of a person regarding control of her own body--especially entry and egress.
The stupidest myths--held religiously, dogmatically, without evidence--surround the process--
That a god implanted the spirit (Latin for psyche) at conception--loving them all equally--as his.
That what a god giveth no man shall put asunder--as if those gametes are married.
That the conceptus stage human being (a process) is a fully fledged person--a being with a personality; not merely a potential person, more like a "human vegetable".
That pregnant women are someone else's property--a god, father or husband--to have and control. The god's control through religions and clergymen; fathers and husbands control through polities and politicians.
That women's purpose and function is incubator--whether they choose it or not.
All these myths make women reproductive slaves of men. Time for emancipation is long past.
Stage of gestation is irrelevant. Women should own and control their own bodies.
5
Powerfully told. Strength and thanks to you. Life is so complex. Divide and conquer politicians and the people who vote for them seem to think the world is black and white. Both are capable of immeasurable harm -- to women, to families, to the well-being of society.
2
Your story brought me to tears. I am so sorry. I sadly am childless; I perhaps can't understand your pain the way parents would. Regardless, I defend any woman's right to make such decisions. No politician, many of whom are ignorant of the issues of pregnancy and childbirth, should be allowed to make a decision that only the woman and her doctor should make.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
6
We should probably ask the question: If she had chosen to allow the baby to be born, who is going to pay for the huge costs of a heart transplant, years of medication to avoid rejection and, quite possibly, years of continued expensive medical care? The choice to have this child would leave almost families constantly on the edge of bankruptcy. What amazes me is that the anti-choice group only sees their role in affirming life up to birth. After that, the family is on their own. One only has to see the opposition to the Affordable Care Act to realize that. Lifetime maximums would have been quickly reached if they were lucky enough not to have been denied coverage for a preexisting condition. If the government is not willing to help support families after the birth, they should stay out of a very private and often heart-wrenching decision.
13
With respect to abortion, the party of small government insists on federal intervention in an intimate decision that rightfully belongs to mothers and fathers. Reactionary conservatives also insist on intervening in private bedrooms, public restrooms, and doctor's offices. As a practical matter, their agenda will require a police state to administer these unconstitutional interventions and their immigration policy. Tread carefully--there are many possible futures ahead of us.
4
How heart wrenching! Instead of calling it an anniversary of the abortion, call it the anniversary of your son's death. He was your son, you wanted him very badly, his poor body did not allow for it. You both made a compassionate and intelligent decision. It is amazing how the most religiously zealot people think abortion means the end of everything. Isn't God a bit bigger than that? These bodies are so temporary yet so many of us think they define us. There is a much larger picture. Thank you for your deeply personal story; you helped so many today.
2
I got tears in my eyes.
1
It is so ironic that the champions of personal liberties--the Republicans--insist that a woman doesn't have the right to make so very personal choices about her body. The terrible inconsistency isn't the fault of conservative principles; rather it's because the Republicans chose to include Bible Belt zealots within their fold. Too bad Trump is such an idiot--a better choice might give us a Republican who doesn't share the self-righteousness and intolerance of the religious wing of the party.
2
As a 70 year old white man I believe in the right of the woman and only the woman to make the choice on abortion.
There are so many varying circumstances , mostly tragic and the mother has to live with the consequences, not the government , not the church, not politicians or the Supreme Court.
In the case of my family we have been able to eradicate totally a very serious genetic disease by aborting the fetus which has the offending gene.
For generations we have lived with this devastating disease and inevitably it has been the mothers who have lived with the tragedy
However no more, thanks to Science and very brave mothers who took the very difficult decision one only they should take
There are so many varying circumstances , mostly tragic and the mother has to live with the consequences, not the government , not the church, not politicians or the Supreme Court.
In the case of my family we have been able to eradicate totally a very serious genetic disease by aborting the fetus which has the offending gene.
For generations we have lived with this devastating disease and inevitably it has been the mothers who have lived with the tragedy
However no more, thanks to Science and very brave mothers who took the very difficult decision one only they should take
4
It was nature, or God, if you prefer, who determined a human mother would carry her baby inside her until birth. God chose to make the mother the primary, if not the sole protector of the unborn child. It seems to me that from the very beginning God intended for the mother to decide what is best for her child. To my mind, the anti-choice (no they are not "pro-life") people are defying God's will, not adhering to it.
3
My heart goes out to you and your family. 26 years ago dear friends of mine experienced the same situation and it was horrendous for them. Absolutely heartbreaking. The politicians have no right to get involved with such a very personal decision.
2
thank you
2
I admire & applaud your challenging & profound choice.
From my perspective, though, it was a mid-2nd-trimester event rather than "late-term" termination.
From my perspective, though, it was a mid-2nd-trimester event rather than "late-term" termination.
1
In my lifetime, abortions have only minimally affected me personally. I have been close enough to a few friends or relatives who shared their decision with me. In each case, it was the most excruciating decision of their lives and affected them for years to come. The government should have nothing to do with this. Let the women with the aid of friends and family decide.
5
Most anti-abortion crusaders would make the same decision you did. They just wouldn't tell anyone.
11
Donald Trump believes that this woman should be "punished". How horrible a world we live in where a Presidential candidate believes you should be punished for the incredibly difficult choice that you needed to make.
Love and healing to you and your family, Meredith.
Love and healing to you and your family, Meredith.
4
Thank you many times over for your bravery in telling this story.
I hope Donald Trump reads it. But I know the odds are he won't, since it doesn't really seem like he reads anything.
So many foes of abortion simply don't have hearts. They want us to believe they're all about compassion, that it's so strange to realize they are practically without souls themselves, in their thoughtless cruelties to actual living women. Perhaps they weep over fetuses because they simply can't relate to humans who are already here. They lack empathy in the worst way.
I hope Donald Trump reads it. But I know the odds are he won't, since it doesn't really seem like he reads anything.
So many foes of abortion simply don't have hearts. They want us to believe they're all about compassion, that it's so strange to realize they are practically without souls themselves, in their thoughtless cruelties to actual living women. Perhaps they weep over fetuses because they simply can't relate to humans who are already here. They lack empathy in the worst way.
3
Life should not be a chess piece for politicians to manipulate and control. I remember the many days and weeks of fear and mental preparations before our 20th week scan and genetic report. We were so scared and so relieved that we were the lucky ones. How can one feel no empathy for those facing heart wrenching and life changing choices? Yes - the choice should be ours, just as the consequence of the choice is ours for the rest of our lives.
5
I appreciate the candor of the writer and can’t even imagine the heartache of the decision that was made. However, I want to say that you can either view the fetus as a mere blob or a baby but not both ways. If the fetus is a mere blob then you can end it without any ethical consideration. If, however, it’s a baby in the womb, then there is no ethical argument for terminating the pregnancy. I know my view point will cause offense, but I hope the offense leads to pensive responses.
5
I just want to add my name to the long list of commenters here who thank you for having the courage to tell your story. I really believe, that when people are confronted with the truth of this, this fight will be won.
8
Perhaps Trump and the ultra-anti-abortion crowd can find us an actual late-term abortion for "fun," that is, just for the heck of it, without a severely deformed fetus or grave danger to the life of the mother. And don't cite any physician who has delivered a baby live and then killed it. That's just murder.
3
Our son was born with a right coronary fistula that was detected within an hour of birth due to the excellent hearing of our birth physician.
He spent the next four hours in the neo-natal ICU.
So let me cut one story to the chase: his fistula was an excess, and extra things can be removed. It was successfully removed. He is now 14, the top of his class, takes karate, plays the trumpet and speaks two languages.
Now, back to the story....
I will never forget that day in the ICU when the nurses came through and told us all to be still. A mother was about to be informed of the death of her infant.
To this day, 14 years later, I still hear her scream.
You made a wise decision. I can only imagine the pain, in the midnight hours, when you wake and wonder. Only you and your husband know that pain: and only you know, when mourning is over and morning arrives, that you made the good decision.
The last thing any parent needs, is a politician inserting him or her self into this midnight drama.
He spent the next four hours in the neo-natal ICU.
So let me cut one story to the chase: his fistula was an excess, and extra things can be removed. It was successfully removed. He is now 14, the top of his class, takes karate, plays the trumpet and speaks two languages.
Now, back to the story....
I will never forget that day in the ICU when the nurses came through and told us all to be still. A mother was about to be informed of the death of her infant.
To this day, 14 years later, I still hear her scream.
You made a wise decision. I can only imagine the pain, in the midnight hours, when you wake and wonder. Only you and your husband know that pain: and only you know, when mourning is over and morning arrives, that you made the good decision.
The last thing any parent needs, is a politician inserting him or her self into this midnight drama.
12
Touched and thankful for reading this story. A beautiful baby, your Lev. I am consistently pro-life, but will in no way judge your actions. It is very brave of you to share your story.
3
I never knew either of my grandmothers. One died in a hospital ward, a week after giving birth to my father, from an infection after having been unwittingly sterilized by a doctor who was anti-immigrant (in her case, Czech) and anti-catholic. The other died a year after my mother was born. She had become pregnant and, having been advised neither she nor the child would survive the birth, chose to get a "back-alley" abortion, from which she bled to death.
Neither of my grandmothers had a choice.
Thank God we have choices today.
God damn the self-righteous and pandering monsters who want to take those choices away.
Neither of my grandmothers had a choice.
Thank God we have choices today.
God damn the self-righteous and pandering monsters who want to take those choices away.
16
Thank you for sharing this heart-breaking story. Although I do not believe in abortion as "birth control of the last resort" I understand and accept that people of good will can differ in this matter, so I guess that makes me pro choice. I feel for the decision that Ms. Isakson and her husband were forced to make and if they are at peace with their decision, whom am I, or for that matter who is anyone else, to judge them? Peace to you and the spirit of Lev.
4
Thank you for sharing your painful story--your courage has helped us all understand the anguish that parents go through when faced with the dilemma of having a baby with untreatable abnormalities. I hope your generosity of spirit will convince women who are uncertain about Trump to see him as the monster he is for among other things, making such a cruel and callous remark about abortion.
7
God Bless you for your courage.
So very sorry for your loss.
So very sorry for your loss.
5
Thank you Meredith for sharing your very touching story. I am crying through my breakfast. Having decided on an abortion myself 40 years ago for much different reasons, as a woman I can relate to the agony of your decision. And I am sure millions of other women can do the same. But we must stand up for our rights. I alone am ultimately the one who can make this decision and no one has the right to take that away from me or any other woman.
9
It is inconceivable to me that we would put such a decision into the hands of an elected official. Particularly one elected without regard to his faith.
5
That must have been a very difficult experience and such a tough choice to make. I, too, had a daughter who was born with half a heart. After several heart surgeries early on in life, she has done well. Today she is a beautiful, happy 16 year old girl because we gave her a chance at life.
6
Amazingly well written and so valuable to share. I always try to take the other side of my view- but it seems there isn't one here. You made a completely heartbreaking decision, and I'm not sure anyone would have (or could have) morally made any other decision.
Can a pro-lifer articulate the counter-argument to this reasoning and total compassion of a loving mother?
Can a pro-lifer articulate the counter-argument to this reasoning and total compassion of a loving mother?
6
Condolences. That can't have been an easy thing. May you know peace.
8
Thank you. Peace.
4
Meredith,
A heartbreaking and beautiful account. Thank you for your courage in sharing it. Stories like this may not immediately change people's minds about abortion. But perhaps their hearts. And I think that's more important. Again, thanks.
A heartbreaking and beautiful account. Thank you for your courage in sharing it. Stories like this may not immediately change people's minds about abortion. But perhaps their hearts. And I think that's more important. Again, thanks.
11
People may disagree with you.
People may think that they would act differently - and would be impelled by their own morality to do so.
But, the People have no right to dictate your actions, to violate your individual rights which are guarded by the ninth amendment: to seek anti-abortion legislation violates the principles of freedom which are America's foundation.
People may think that they would act differently - and would be impelled by their own morality to do so.
But, the People have no right to dictate your actions, to violate your individual rights which are guarded by the ninth amendment: to seek anti-abortion legislation violates the principles of freedom which are America's foundation.
11
Thank you for writing this!!!!!
11
"Our government has absolutely no place in the anguish which accompanies late-term abortion"
Beautifully said. It happened to me too and it is a nightmare. How dare they?
Beautifully said. It happened to me too and it is a nightmare. How dare they?
19
It's still annoys me no end that the decision to ban abortion is promoted by male politicians (and Trump) who will never be pregnant and therefore will never have to face that choice.
23
Do you feel entitled to intervene when I decide to remove my suffering grandmother from life support? Do you feel entitled to intervene when I make the same decision for a brain dead, persistently vegetative younger relative? Do you feel entitled to step in to make "better" health care decisions for me or my children at any point in mine and their lives?
What makes you think you have the right to determine another woman's, or usually, a family's, medical decisions? If you peel back all the layers--the explanations, the rationalizing, the justification--you will see that the presumed right of others to control women and their bodies sits at the core of the arguments against abortion.
What makes you think you have the right to determine another woman's, or usually, a family's, medical decisions? If you peel back all the layers--the explanations, the rationalizing, the justification--you will see that the presumed right of others to control women and their bodies sits at the core of the arguments against abortion.
27
Real experiences, like the one written here, are always better at telling truth than political slogans. I thank the author for sharing hers.
Lev... powerful and perfect.
Lev... powerful and perfect.
24
So-called conservatives say they are for personal freedom, against invasive government and regulation. Then there's abortion, the most personal choice an individual has and they want to regulate and look at sonograms.
Ms. Isaksen's decision is her's alone and no one else' business.
Ms. Isaksen's decision is her's alone and no one else' business.
15
I preface my comment that I am pro-life, a conservative Christian, and a parent of an adopted child. I am also a Professor of Medicine and Pediatrics. I thank you for your heartbreaking story, your depth of understanding of your young son's humanity, and the anguish that went into your decision. You have, through your grief, transcended the sound bite politics and nasty exchanges that occur on both sides of this issue and have placed the discussion on a level that everyone who values life should be thankful for.
17
I, too, have had an experience that warranted an abortion...rape.
24
If you're 5 year old would have needed a heart transplant, would that justify ending his life? I fail to see any justification for aborting children in this carefully crafted pro-Hillary essay.
6
Your lack of ability to emphasize with this family's difficult choice is astounding.
7
A child is not a child until it's born.
Ms. Izaksen's story is probably typical of those who choose a late-term abortion. Why is this so rarely discussed? Do the pro-life people feel the same about end of life decisions? Why are any of these decisions political and not personal, based on ethical and medical considerations?
13
Many Christians fail and don't want to comprehend all of the circumstances that existed that killed young women, mothers at the hands of coat hanger charlatans prior to Roe V. Wade. And those so called callous religious churches and right wing talkers, gain their audiences, donations and advertising sponsors by arousing their base with false truths like Trump did in the last debate. Ignorance is callous and brutal and is not at all virtuous, righteous nor compassionate.
21
I am sorry for your loss. My aunt shared a similar experience but besides being told her child might not survive, her life was in grave jeopardy as well. She married late and had a very welcome surprise baby at 42. Several years later she was shocked to find she was pregnant again, something that was discovered when she was rushed to hospital with clots in her lungs. She chose not to leave her toddler motherless.
21
Thank you for your courage in writing this article. Thank you for making the kindest decision for your unborn child. Few women decide to have an abortion because they "changed their mind." It is a heart-wrenching decision. Abortion should be between a woman and her physician. The government should not be involved.
14
Given the choice between "painful obstacles" and death, I'm guessing most people would choose ???
How compassionate of you to choose death for your child.
How compassionate of you to choose death for your child.
4
How incredibly rude and totally lacking compassion of you to pass judgement in such a harsh way.
The unborn child was not alive. There were no medical guarantees for the future including an available and matching heart.
You should be ashamed of your awful comment.
The unborn child was not alive. There were no medical guarantees for the future including an available and matching heart.
You should be ashamed of your awful comment.
11
Republicans:
"The Gummint has not right to tell me if I can own guns in my home"
"The Gummint has every right to tell women what to do with their womb"
"The Gummint has not right to tell me if I can own guns in my home"
"The Gummint has every right to tell women what to do with their womb"
21
My heart goes out to you, Meredith, and I can't imagine the wrenching emotions you felt. Thank you for sharing this. You are truly a good, good mother. Please never doubt that you are.
10
Meredith - As a mother, and a staunchly pro-choice woman, my heart goes out to you and your family. What a difficult decision you had to make, thank you for sharing your story in support of the many women who have had to make similarly difficult decisions. The government has no place in that decision. Your story, Lev's story, is powerful. I thank you again for sharing.
12
Whether one is 'religious' or not (I'm not), life challenges all of us to find meaning in suffering, grief and death. Christians accept suffering as a necessary 'evil' that must be endured to get to eternal afterlife. In Islam, suffering is either the price we pay for sinning or a test of the goodness of our souls, or both. In Judaism suffering is many things, originating from a God who is sometimes benevolent, sometimes vengeful and always omniscient. Buddhism, the only 'godless' religion is all about letting go of the suffering that comes to all of our lives by the 'practice' of meditation. Buddhists locate the source of suffering within ourselves, not some supernatural entity and believe that we are reborn into suffering after each time we die until we finally let go of all of our desires and enter timeless, spaceless Nirvana.
I happen to agree with Bart Ehrman's take on suffering in "God's Problem-How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Importan Question - Why We Suffer", which boils down to s**t happens and it's no one's fault.
I happen to agree with Bart Ehrman's take on suffering in "God's Problem-How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Importan Question - Why We Suffer", which boils down to s**t happens and it's no one's fault.
6
Thank you so much for speaking out. Your words educate the ignorant, give comfort to those who face the same decision, and show the compassion we all need in our world.
13
My beautiful, sensitive daughter had to have a late term abortion - the baby, severely malformed, was dying in her womb. She even had to go through induced labor, for medical reasons. I can hardly write about it - it was a horrific, heartbreaking and utterly traumatic experience for her. I don't often feel real hatred, but when I heard Trump's vicious, lurid, cruel language I wanted to scream. Only grateful that my daughter wasn't watching that debate. Just a knife to the heart of anyone who's gone through that.
50
Thank you for this story. The other side frequently promotes the false idea that termination is often used as a form of birth control - told as if there were no sound reasons and no lasting emotional impact on the participants. Your story highlights the fact that when these decisions are for the best and/or are necessary - they are not made lightly. What kind of government do we have that would force so many to suffer in the name of preserving "life"?
7
Thank you Meredith for writing this and speaking out. I too had a pregnancy where the baby had severe complications (discovered at 20 weeks) and had to terminate the pregnancy (before 24 weeks in NYC). It was the hardest thing of my life but the right decision -- one I made with my husband, my parents, my Rabbi, my doctor and even with the urging of my conservative friends and their parents (one whose father was an amazing OB/GYN who counseled me on quality of life -- my own!). We now have two amazing, lovely twin college-aged daughters who probably would not be the wonderful, awesome contributors to society that they are had I chose to carry to term a life that wouldn't be lived. It is not dread or regret that I feel at all. It's thankfulness that I had a choice albeit a most difficult one. I too named her our of respect and she is honored in one of my paintings. Her name is Lola.
30
This would seem to be published as part of the Times' dismissal of Trump. As such, and especially as presented, it will predictably resonate with the readership. However, would abortion be "OK" if it were in the very last month or simply because the mother had changed her mind? However much one may dislike Trump these are serious matters..
5
While attending a Grandparent's grief group for my stillborn grandson I became aware that there was another group that met separately. The nurse who conducted our meeting explained that the Heartbreak of Decision group was for women who for whatever personal reason had an abortion. She explained that the grief process for babies who had died naturally and the one for women who had to make that painful decision was so different. The first group the women learn to walk side by side with the grief but the second group not only lost their baby but the heartbreak of the decision often drains them for years to come. For both groups my heartbreaks and condemnation is not ours to give only compassion really helps all of us.
16
Reading this article made me feel very sad, for the baby. Had the doctor ruled out any chance of life for the baby and/or had the diagnosis indicated severe threat to the mother's life, I could more easily understand the decision to abort. However, the author tells us that her baby did have a chance of surviving delivery, albeit with complications. Given the ongoing development of the treatment of infants born with congenital heart disease (CHD) and critical CHD (urgent intervention needed in 24h after birth) in numerous medical facilities across the U.S., and the increasing survival rates of children born with CHD and critical CHD, this story leaves this reader scratching her head as to why the parents didn't want to at least give little Lev a fighting chance.
13
My father is a Pediatric Cardiologist, now in retirement. What he would tell you is that the chances of an infant with half a heart surviving are extremely slim. What he would also tell you is that there is very little quality of life for these infants. Having worked myself as a social worker in Kentucky's Early Intervention Program with infants and children with developmental delays, I can personally speak to the heartache of families whose children have severe and chronic medical needs and whose lives revolve around surgeries and hospitalizations. It is true that the siblings of these children tend to lose out. In fact, I will have a session later on today with a mother who's parenting has been impacted by the fact that she spent so much time in the Intensive Care Unit with her youngest child that she cannot find it in herself to appropriately discipline her older child because she feels so guilty about all the time that she lost with her older child. While sometimes the condition with which the infant struggles is survivable with some hope of quality of life, in other instances, we need to accept that there is little and in fact in many cases no hope for any meaningful life, however difficult it may be to accept that an innocent baby has no chance of survival. It is important to remember that until you stand in the shoes of another, you have absolutely no idea what they're facing.
28
If you can read that story and honestly feel sad for the baby and not the mother, I have no idea what anyone could possibly say to you. Examine your conscience, and if you honestly find you can't find a scrap of empathy for other humans - the kind that have already been born and live real lives, right now - then maybe just pipe down, because you have little to offer. That's all.
3
It's an extremely tough call when doctors tell you that a child MAY live (with a highly difficult and risky procedure) or MAY suffer horribly and die within days.
It's reasonable to assume that the author's own doctors knew far more than you about the odds in her particular case.
Obviously, no one has a crystal ball to know for sure, and doctors can rarely give a 100% guarantee of any outcome. Neither choice is obviously right or wrong. That's why individual parents need to make that decision for themselves. And it's *no one else's* place to castigate them for it, because they haven't walked in their shoes.
It's reasonable to assume that the author's own doctors knew far more than you about the odds in her particular case.
Obviously, no one has a crystal ball to know for sure, and doctors can rarely give a 100% guarantee of any outcome. Neither choice is obviously right or wrong. That's why individual parents need to make that decision for themselves. And it's *no one else's* place to castigate them for it, because they haven't walked in their shoes.
2
Agreed, women should have th right to do what they want with their bodies, like have an abortion. I as a man should also have the right to do what I want with my body, I should be able to use any kind of drugs I want, and no one should bug me. I should have the right to kill myself with a drug I should be able to purchase at a drug store and the government should not interfere with me. The government should be out of our lives and bodies when we reach 18 years old, which is the age of consent.
3
Thank you so much for the courage to share your story. It is similar to one a friend of mind experienced. I myself have chosen to terminate a pregnancy and to become a single mother by choice. The idea that right wing politicians who oppose government internvention in their lives continue to feel entitled to impose their views and values on the rest of us is quite frankly unAmerican.
8
Thank you for sharing your story. I have a pit in my stomach as I feel just a hint of the excruciating anguish you faced. These are not abstract or easy decisions easily reduced to political rhetoric on a debate stage. Instead, they rank as some of the most difficult, complex decisions any person can make. Thank you again.
15
I myself think the woman made a good decision. But the real point is, she--not a government official--had the ultimate right to make the decision.
If the government thinks such pregnancies can not be terminated, then government has a serious obligation to share with the woman and family the enormous socio-economic burdens of raising a child with such serious issues. But the ugly fact is--government shirks those obligations. As usual, politicians wanting to have it both ways.
If the government thinks such pregnancies can not be terminated, then government has a serious obligation to share with the woman and family the enormous socio-economic burdens of raising a child with such serious issues. But the ugly fact is--government shirks those obligations. As usual, politicians wanting to have it both ways.
29
I think most reasonable people would abide (though not necessarily support) a woman's decision to seek an abortion under the circumstances similar to what the writer of this opinion experienced.
The trouble is that, rightly or wrongly, those against late-term abortions think that most them involve nothing more than the woman's impropriety at getting pregnant in the first place and carrying a fetus to a point where it is undeniably human in form which effectively supports many pro-lifers that women are "killing babies" at this point.
If we had some sort of government regulation banning medically unnecessary (defined where the fetus as completely normal and healthy) abortions at the latter stages of the pregnancy, I think most people would suddenly feel much better about accepting abortion as a "treatment" rather than an immoral "service of convenience."
Though a regulation like the one described above might only prevent an abortion in the rarest of cases, the fact that it's there would be a enough to make people on the fence but leaning toward the pro-life argument breathe a sigh of relief and accept abortion.
The trouble is that, rightly or wrongly, those against late-term abortions think that most them involve nothing more than the woman's impropriety at getting pregnant in the first place and carrying a fetus to a point where it is undeniably human in form which effectively supports many pro-lifers that women are "killing babies" at this point.
If we had some sort of government regulation banning medically unnecessary (defined where the fetus as completely normal and healthy) abortions at the latter stages of the pregnancy, I think most people would suddenly feel much better about accepting abortion as a "treatment" rather than an immoral "service of convenience."
Though a regulation like the one described above might only prevent an abortion in the rarest of cases, the fact that it's there would be a enough to make people on the fence but leaning toward the pro-life argument breathe a sigh of relief and accept abortion.
3
The people who rabidly oppose it wouldn't be put off by such a regulation, but still attempt to chip away at it. This is a decision that is between the woman, her doctor, and her conscience. The government has no place in it. None.
5
Absolute respect for mother to courageously extend her most difficult and painful story.
Fully acknowledge / support that it is not governments role respective to your medical decisions.
Not withstanding this most difficult of circumstances, What you openly acknowledge is that Lev is a person, a living soul. And while the circumstances are grave, where is it that you or anyone should have the choice to terminate another's life?
Sadly, I do not think the writer clearly captures the immense pain associated as they document the potential inconveniences associated with permitting Lev to be born.
And while the circumstances raise awareness and plausibility for late term killing of human life, it further reinforces the notion for us to seek justification for what it is, murder.
I feel deeply sorry for this mom and family that we as a society have created an environment to think these are our "choices".
I will pray for this courageous mother and family, that they have peace.
Fully acknowledge / support that it is not governments role respective to your medical decisions.
Not withstanding this most difficult of circumstances, What you openly acknowledge is that Lev is a person, a living soul. And while the circumstances are grave, where is it that you or anyone should have the choice to terminate another's life?
Sadly, I do not think the writer clearly captures the immense pain associated as they document the potential inconveniences associated with permitting Lev to be born.
And while the circumstances raise awareness and plausibility for late term killing of human life, it further reinforces the notion for us to seek justification for what it is, murder.
I feel deeply sorry for this mom and family that we as a society have created an environment to think these are our "choices".
I will pray for this courageous mother and family, that they have peace.
3
"Potential inconveniences"? What a horrible expression to categorize this awful situation. The suffering this baby would have to endure to "fix" his dying heart would be extreme, with no guarantee of success. That was the dilemma faced by these parents. Caring for the baby, not "inconveniences". Since they already had a child, they were knowledgable of any "inconveniences" and were prepared to go through them again with this deliberate subsequent pregnancy. They were brave enough to consider the pain which would envelop their child after birth, when cut open, tubed and lined in a hospital -- too ill to be cradled or comforted. Of course their humane decision inevitably will become a subject for whatever judgmental decisions other people feel emboldened to express.
8
For many people, termination is a far kinder choice than allowing a child to be born only to suffer extreme pain. (Which was a very real possibility that their doctors laid out).
7
Thank you for writing this moving and important piece.
12
Yes, I'm sure this was a truly heart breaking situation, but Mr. Trump isn't talking about medical decisions. He's talking about using late abortion as a form of birth control. You wanted your baby boy, but when someone waits until the third trimester to abort a baby because her boy friend broke up with her, it's just not right. Sorry for your loss.
5
Renee,
Late abortion is rare in any case, and if used for birth control, it's because something else went wrong. Non-medical examples typically include people who do not have decent access to medical facilities, or women or girls who for some reason didn't know they were pregnant: abused minors who don't even know what pregnancy is or women in menopause who haven't realised they are pregnant.
But the point is that individual reasons for terminating a pregnancy are far more complicated than legislation (which speaks in general terms only) can properly manage.
Late abortion is rare in any case, and if used for birth control, it's because something else went wrong. Non-medical examples typically include people who do not have decent access to medical facilities, or women or girls who for some reason didn't know they were pregnant: abused minors who don't even know what pregnancy is or women in menopause who haven't realised they are pregnant.
But the point is that individual reasons for terminating a pregnancy are far more complicated than legislation (which speaks in general terms only) can properly manage.
4
It is extremely rare that abortions are performed in the third trimester (most are in the first 8 to 12 weeks). And when it is, it's mostly because of fetal distress or maternal health issues. Claiming, cavalierly, that it's used because of a break-up or "as a form of birth control" is a myth, perpetuated by Republicans to collect votes.
2
If this were the argument Trump is making he would have a plan to subsidize birth control and a free childcare system.
1
hard for me to believe she could make this decision without guidance from Cruz,Rubio,Bush and Trump.
5
Thank you for putting a human face on the rhetoric used by Trump and others who have not faced the difficult decision you faced with your family. Your article is very courageous and I applaud you for it. We need more people to come forward and explain the how and why you of how you made your decision, so that the issues is framed in the compassion it deserves. I wish you and your family all the good things in life. Thank you.
7
Maybe the compassionate conservatives should also interfere in end-of-life decisions. Many seniors, suffering from the last, painful battles with cancer and other terminal diseases, end up in a hospice, where their life ends, mercifully, with a steady increase in the dosage of morphine. Why is that not murder, "ripping" the life from a full-term human?
5
Plenty of conservatives *are* opposed to anything that (in their view) hastens death, e.g., doctors removing patients from feeding tubes and respirators. (Regardless of the individual patient's wishes, or their families' wishes). They say that doctors are "playing God" by doing that, even though they're technically thwarting God by keeping patients alive with that technology in the first place.
New York State is currently considering right-to-die legislation (similar to Oregon's) that would help terminally ill patients access medications to end their lives, and it's being held up by conservatives and religious groups.
New York State is currently considering right-to-die legislation (similar to Oregon's) that would help terminally ill patients access medications to end their lives, and it's being held up by conservatives and religious groups.
3
This is horrible, as tragic as the outcome could have been, it's not a human's right to decide who lives and who dies and how or when. I'll pray for this woman and all men and women in this nation.
2
"it's not a human's right to decide who lives and who dies and how or when"
Well, we have advanced medical technology now, so those kinds of decisions HAVE to be made on a daily basis. Not just during pregnancy, but (e.g.) every time someone has to decide whether to put an elderly parent on a feeding tube, whether to place an accident victim on a respirator, etc., etc.
I hear a lot of people argue that choosing abortion equates to "playing God". Well, deciding to proceed with medical treatment in this situation (e.g., NICU care, heart transplantation, immunosuppressant drugs, etc.) would be every bit as much "playing God" as choosing termination.
Since these decisions have to be made, the most logical person to have the ultimate say is the person whose body is most directly affected (i.e., the mother in this situation).
Well, we have advanced medical technology now, so those kinds of decisions HAVE to be made on a daily basis. Not just during pregnancy, but (e.g.) every time someone has to decide whether to put an elderly parent on a feeding tube, whether to place an accident victim on a respirator, etc., etc.
I hear a lot of people argue that choosing abortion equates to "playing God". Well, deciding to proceed with medical treatment in this situation (e.g., NICU care, heart transplantation, immunosuppressant drugs, etc.) would be every bit as much "playing God" as choosing termination.
Since these decisions have to be made, the most logical person to have the ultimate say is the person whose body is most directly affected (i.e., the mother in this situation).
5
I disagree, Eric.
My belief is that men have no say in this debate, as we can't comprehend what it is to bring life. It's between the women, and their conscience.
My belief is that men have no say in this debate, as we can't comprehend what it is to bring life. It's between the women, and their conscience.
2
The woman has to have the last word.
14
My deepest condolences to the brave author who wrote this. I doubt there is a woman alive in the USA today who has not experienced abortion, either herself, or through family or close friends.
It is ALWAYS a hard decision, even within the first month. that will remain with each woman for the rest of her life. I know.
I can only imagine the heartache of your particular decision. I know I would have made the same one, but, as you say, the pain will remain all your life. I'm so glad you also thought of your older child. People seem to disregard factors like that.
It is ALWAYS a hard decision, even within the first month. that will remain with each woman for the rest of her life. I know.
I can only imagine the heartache of your particular decision. I know I would have made the same one, but, as you say, the pain will remain all your life. I'm so glad you also thought of your older child. People seem to disregard factors like that.
11
The notion that abortion is *always* an agonizing, painful decision is not necessarily true for everyone-- for some people, it's really just a straightforward medical procedure (especially in the first trimester).
I have close friends who've had first-trimester abortions, and they've said it was a relatively easy decision and they felt nothing but relief afterwards. That's well within the range of "normal" feelings about the subject.
Obviously, a situation like this (where the pregnancy was very much wanted, reached an advanced stage, and complications arose) is a completely different thing, and I'd imagine it would be painful and devastating. My heart goes out to the author and everyone in that situation.
I have close friends who've had first-trimester abortions, and they've said it was a relatively easy decision and they felt nothing but relief afterwards. That's well within the range of "normal" feelings about the subject.
Obviously, a situation like this (where the pregnancy was very much wanted, reached an advanced stage, and complications arose) is a completely different thing, and I'd imagine it would be painful and devastating. My heart goes out to the author and everyone in that situation.
5
There are those who strive to "get government out of our lives", and at the same time want to empower government to get into the most private parts of our lives: our bedrooms, our reproductive process, and our sexuality! What a paradox!
12
You and your husband are both very brave and we must admire you. Your beautiful article really should be read by all women (and of course, men), and especially those women who support, for ideological and not humane reasons, the politicians who strive to use women's bodies and souls for their own successes and power.
Thank you deeply for sharing your true vision and your pain.
Thank you deeply for sharing your true vision and your pain.
5
While I agree totally with Ms. Isaksen, I think there is a bigger issue here. The most effective way to reduce the number of abortions is to reduce unwanted pregnancies, in other words BIRTH CONTROL. The fact that the Christian jihadist movement also wants to outlaw this is the absolute height of hypocrisy. From the crusades, to the Spanish Inquisition, to the persecution of Galileo, to the current movement of evangelical terrorism, religion has had as its highest priority the imposition of as much suffering as possible.
12
You made me cry.
2
There are many compelling pro and con stories on each side of the late-term abortion (and the general abortion) debate and that should illustrate to all that the government has no business getting involved, on either side. Leave people to the dictates of their own consciences.
10
There is no reason for a woman to have to explain or try to rationalize her reason for terminating her pregnancy. It's her decision and with that comes the burden of living with it for the rest of her life. I can only imagine the personal torment they must suffer when their thoughts turn towards what if . . .
8
Let me express my sorrow for your terrible loss. I'm sure it rings hollow, and will forever, but you did the right thing, for you, for your family, and most importantly, for your doomed child. You saved him a fate of suffering, and pain.
Thank you for your courage in coming forward with your story, to remind us all that not every story has a happy ending.
Thank you for your courage in coming forward with your story, to remind us all that not every story has a happy ending.
12
Thank you.
7
Although there is a political and legal point to be made in this post there is also a moral one: It is morally justifiable to abort a child if the child has little chance of surviving and if he survives, he will need a heart transplant. Given that Meredith thinks of her child as a child and not a mere clump of tissue, there is a distinct lack of an explanation as to what would make it morally wrong to terminate a child who has already been born with a heart defect. I would be genuinely interested in your response. You must have asked the question yourself (what if the doctors had not detected the heart defect before Lev was born?). You surely think that post-birth abortion is morally wrong. Given that you do think there is a difference, what is it?
8
Obviously I'm not the author of the article but I have a fairly simple answer to your question. When the fetus is still within the mother it is part of her body. Terminating is therefore her choice. After it is born it is no longer part of her body and therefore not her choice. Of course, every woman thinks of her body and her unborn child differently, as in this article. But I fail to see why the moral question you pose should have legal repercussions. Surely women can be trusted to make decisions about their bodies on their own, just as men are (do you see anyone trying to make smoking illegal?). The US government has no right, in any situation, to force a woman to give birth OR not to give birth--it is that simple.
7
A mother's love and courage knows no equal.
9
Thank you so much for sharing.
3
Your letter brought tears to my eyes, thank you for sharing your experience and for having it. I strongly believe that if men got pregnant, we wouldn't have this cry for government ineterfernce in such a private and profound matter.
12
Yes, personal choice is important and powerful. Presumably, you also support less government interference and more personal choice in your right to marry anyone, to smoke, and to send your children to any school you believe will give them a good education.
The Republicans want government to get out of people's pockets, but remain in their wombs.
21
They want government out of corporations' lives, but want to control the people.
2
I am profoundly moved by your story, thank you for sharing with such an open heart.
6
Thank you for sharing your story. It moved me to tears but also to action.
4
I truly appreciate your willingness to share your family's story. Your honesty, love, and compassion bring tears to my eyes.
4
Women make choices. It would be really nice if the men of the world would get over it.
21
From your mouth to God's ear, as they say...
Straightforward and powerful writing, with the truth on its side. Both heartbreaking and inspiring, like life itself -- thank you for sharing.
6
A heartfelt plea for euthanasia.
2
Your story is my story. I, too, was faced with this decision at 20 weeks. My son would not have been able to live outside the womb. He was wanted and very much loved and I have carried that love with me for the last 15 years. Thank you for writing your story. I have relived every minute of that time in my life in the past two days since Donald Trump's vile and inexcusable words and I will fight for a woman's right to chose always.
22
I have no problem with womens' right to choose. My issue is with 'commodifying' fetal tissue. Treating fetal tissue as a product would create a market for it. For science or any reason, this bothers me. We don't want to incentivize people toward abortion. It is only one of many options.
1
UGHGHGHG. It is illegal to sell human tissue for profit.
No one is doing this.
There is no conspiracy out there to offer women a couple hundred bucks to get abortions to sell fetal tissue. Take off the tin foil hat.
No one is doing this.
There is no conspiracy out there to offer women a couple hundred bucks to get abortions to sell fetal tissue. Take off the tin foil hat.
10
Well, good news! That doesn't actually happen in reality, only on Fox News.
FYI, the clinics that provide fetal tissue for scientific research, etc., charge only a shipping fee to cover their costs-- they don't profit off it. This was already the subject of a pointless and wasteful Congressional investigation, and there was absolutely NO evidence to support the allegations.
The idea that women would be "incentivized" to have abortions because of some sort of personal profit from fetal tissue is completely ludicrous.
FYI, the clinics that provide fetal tissue for scientific research, etc., charge only a shipping fee to cover their costs-- they don't profit off it. This was already the subject of a pointless and wasteful Congressional investigation, and there was absolutely NO evidence to support the allegations.
The idea that women would be "incentivized" to have abortions because of some sort of personal profit from fetal tissue is completely ludicrous.
7
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I would like to send you my love and admiration for finding the courage to speak up and stand up for the rights of all women. Your story speaks of compassion and empathy towards all beings. I wish politicians of all stripes followed your example.
5
If you can end a pregnancy at near full term (after viability) because the baby, if born, would lead a life of misery, can you end the baby's life in the moments after it is born for the same reason?
Why would one be murder and the other not?
Why would one be murder and the other not?
8
Steven - if you are a cisgender male, please stop having your own opinions about a woman's body and what she chooses to do with it. You will never get pregnant, never have to face a difficult choice about your uterus, and you will never have a baby. Get over it.
11
This woman's story can be as heart wrenching as you like, for the woman, her unborn son, or her family. The problem with it is how atypical it is for any medical reason, regardless of severity, to justify an abortion. Perhaps an ectopic pregnancy is heart wrenching too, but it results in a simple choice. People stretch 'heart wrenching' to justify the overwhelming majority of abortions for convenience. And that justifies 'casual sex', a horribly irresponsible concept. And that leads to another awful expression in vogue today, 'it's all good,' which is categorically false.
6
"People stretch 'heart wrenching' to justify the overwhelming majority of abortions for convenience."
"Inconvenience" is forgetting milk at the store and having to double back. Having a child is one of the most fundamentally life-altering events in a woman's life and a major medical event. If you valued women's lives, you would understand that.
"And that justifies 'casual sex', a horribly irresponsible concept"
So how *should* women be punished for having sex? I understand that forcing them to give birth is your first choice, but if abortion remains legal, what's your second choice? Public lashings?
"Inconvenience" is forgetting milk at the store and having to double back. Having a child is one of the most fundamentally life-altering events in a woman's life and a major medical event. If you valued women's lives, you would understand that.
"And that justifies 'casual sex', a horribly irresponsible concept"
So how *should* women be punished for having sex? I understand that forcing them to give birth is your first choice, but if abortion remains legal, what's your second choice? Public lashings?
10
Such a moving, poignant article. You are a beautiful woman.
5
An imperfect life should not be allowed to rain on our parade. The doctors with no moral stake and little hope tried to make the choice of going against nature as quick and easy as abortion technology allows. The natural passing of a child is hard enough to bare but it seems the expedited loss may be no easier. Lev never awoke but others will forever share the family’s pain.
3
The overwhelming majority of doctors (especially OB/GYNs) care a great deal for their patients and want the best outcomes for them. Your comment is needlessly insulting of medical professionals.
If the doctors in this case were not hopeful of a good outcome, I'd assume that this was based on objective, scientific data and their own professional experience. Sometimes there really IS no good outcome, and it's not because the medical staff doesn't care enough.
Many, many wonderful doctors, nurses, and other staff help families like these through extremely difficult situations, and it often takes a toll on them as well. Please give them some credit for compassion.
If the doctors in this case were not hopeful of a good outcome, I'd assume that this was based on objective, scientific data and their own professional experience. Sometimes there really IS no good outcome, and it's not because the medical staff doesn't care enough.
Many, many wonderful doctors, nurses, and other staff help families like these through extremely difficult situations, and it often takes a toll on them as well. Please give them some credit for compassion.
5
"An imperfect life should not be allowed to rain on our parade."
Wow. I thought you were being sarcastic...but you weren't. By all means, let's make sure no imperfect lives rain on the parades of all of us who are perfect. First, abort all the unborn babies who we know will be born handicapped. Then, let's round up all the already-born who are handicapped. After all, as you wrote, "An imperfect life should not be allowed to rain on our parade."
Wow. I thought you were being sarcastic...but you weren't. By all means, let's make sure no imperfect lives rain on the parades of all of us who are perfect. First, abort all the unborn babies who we know will be born handicapped. Then, let's round up all the already-born who are handicapped. After all, as you wrote, "An imperfect life should not be allowed to rain on our parade."
1
I was moved by your story and experience. I still to this day do not understand a Republican Party that claims to be pro-life while fighting tooth and nail any attempt to help children - anti-early childhood education, anti-birth control, even anti-education. If as they say, but science shows differently, that life begins at the conception, it seemingly ends for them at birth. This is one of the most hypocritical "beliefs" of too many Republicans from a party of hypocrites.
13
When I read this, Ms. Iseksen, I see more clearly than ever before the truth and compassion in what Ms. Clinton said: that this should be a woman's decision. Thank you for your courage in coming forward.
9
I am sorry for your loss and hope that your family finds hope and comfort in the thought that you did what you could for Lev. So much in life is beyond our control, and we make decisions " through a glass darkly." Obviously you value life, which is the pro-life message at its core.
2
Thank you for sharing your painful story in such a beautiful, moving way. I feel enriched hearing about your experiences and appreciate that you were willing to risk your privacy in the service of taking a stand and benefiting the greater good.
2
As a mother I can just imagine the anguish and soul searching in making the decision to terminate a 22 week fetus. I am awed by the strength it took to make this decision. Most of all I am so moved by what the experience has done for this family, to make them closer and appreciate one another on a level most of us with never know. Somewhere in the universe, Lev knows his mom make the most loving and painful decision of her life. He knows he is well loved.
2
Thank you for sharing your story. Many people simply do not understand and need to have all of the facts before they jump to conclusions based on heated rhetoric and falsehoods.
I admire your courage. And, I'm sorry for your loss.
I admire your courage. And, I'm sorry for your loss.
5
"I made the right choice for me which many politicians do not think I should have"
This misstates the case. The politician merely represents the will of the electorate. She should write that she made a choice which many if not a majority of her fellow citizens do not think she should have.
She wants to blame the messenger for the law when it in a democracy she should be blaming her neighbors etal.
This misstates the case. The politician merely represents the will of the electorate. She should write that she made a choice which many if not a majority of her fellow citizens do not think she should have.
She wants to blame the messenger for the law when it in a democracy she should be blaming her neighbors etal.
1
If the politician represents the "will of the electorate", why don't we have better gun control? Because, unfortunately, politicians bow to the will of their handlers and donors long before the "will of the electorate". More's the pity.
4
The politicians are responsible for making this an issue, because Roe V. Wade settled the issue--women have the constitutional right. Just because her neighbors don't believe in it, it is still her right. Rights are not subject to what "many if not a majority" think.
Politicians have used this as an issue to divide. Really, if someone doesn't believe in abortion, they have the option to choose not to have one. But they don't have the right to limit the choices (and rights) of others.
Politicians have used this as an issue to divide. Really, if someone doesn't believe in abortion, they have the option to choose not to have one. But they don't have the right to limit the choices (and rights) of others.
3
Thank you for your courage in sharing this story and for sticking up for the right of women across this nation to use their own judgment about what is best for their own bodies and families. I am sorry for your loss and I hope that in sharing your words you won't experience any hateful backlash from people who want to protect fetuses but then abandon children once they are born by fighting health care, paid family leave, the rights of the disabled, and affordable child care.
11
Note to the editor:
Much more newsworthy and insightful would be a column from someone saying abortion (or not) was the WRONG choice for her (or her partner).
Most people want to justify their decisions. While this is understandable, it often leads to justification-bias.
Much more newsworthy and insightful would be a column from someone saying abortion (or not) was the WRONG choice for her (or her partner).
Most people want to justify their decisions. While this is understandable, it often leads to justification-bias.
3
Perhaps it could be accompanied by an article about governments around the world that restrict their citizens' choices in all sorts of ways - education, religion, health, diet, housing, jobs - so as to save them from making the "wrong" choice? Would you find that equally insightful, or do you only want government input on the choices made by women about their own health and bodies?
More to the point: This piece is about the reality - not the caricature presented by Trump the other night - of late-term abortions. The author's justification (or not) of her choice is irrelevant to the (entirely newsworthy) goal of ensuring people understand what these situations entail, so we might all evaluate for ourselves whether government should be involved in them.
More to the point: This piece is about the reality - not the caricature presented by Trump the other night - of late-term abortions. The author's justification (or not) of her choice is irrelevant to the (entirely newsworthy) goal of ensuring people understand what these situations entail, so we might all evaluate for ourselves whether government should be involved in them.
12
Justification-bias.
Is this a new right-wing term?
Is this a new right-wing term?
Uhhhhhhhhh why would this be "more" insightful? I can regret having a baby, but that doesn't mean that a) having a child should be made illegal; b) that I should get to make that choice for anyone else; or that c) my opinion on the legality of childbearing should have more weight.
3
Thank you, Ms. Isaksen, for having the courage to tell your story to the world. Anyone who has suffered the kind of loss you did knows exactly how you feel and the hours of anguish in making the well thought out decision you did. You say, "our government has absolutely no place in the anguish which accompanies a late-term abortion..." Our government has absolutely no place in ANY decision about what women choose to do with their bodies or lives.
It is time to stop these nonsensical laws that try to control a woman's body and life and the only way to do it is to finally pass the Equal Rights Amendment to OUR United States Constitution. The time is NOW. Let's Do It!
It is time to stop these nonsensical laws that try to control a woman's body and life and the only way to do it is to finally pass the Equal Rights Amendment to OUR United States Constitution. The time is NOW. Let's Do It!
10
Thank you for sharing such a deeply moving, anguished and compassionate story. I was totally appalled at Donald Trump's hideous and cruel words about abortion. I totally support that a government has no business in this decision. I am sickened and dismayed that politicians have taken the poorest, most vulnerable women and made them a scapegoat in the voting to curb Planned Parenthood. As a fortunate mother of three sons, but also a person who struggled through two miscarriages, I applaud your writing and and your decision. You made it totally clear the difficulty of such a decision.
11
The Supreme Court got it right....ie the three stages...one can argue about exceptional cases but the first stage the woman has most of the rights, the middle stage it's half and half and the end stage the fetus has most of the rights.
If I don't stand corrected this was a second stage not third stage abortion and this woman would have been within her constitutional rights...
Before the extreme right chimes in here remember in some societies birth control is not allowed. In some societies in the past the first born was sacrificed to the Gods. The point being, everybody has a different opinion on when life begins.
Our Supreme Court took a Lincolnesque, Solomonesque view.
If I don't stand corrected this was a second stage not third stage abortion and this woman would have been within her constitutional rights...
Before the extreme right chimes in here remember in some societies birth control is not allowed. In some societies in the past the first born was sacrificed to the Gods. The point being, everybody has a different opinion on when life begins.
Our Supreme Court took a Lincolnesque, Solomonesque view.
5
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I wish all the best for you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.
It's horrifying to me that any politician (usually male) thinks they have the right to interfere in these incredibly personal situations. NO ONE has the right to make that decision, except the woman herself.
It's especially infuriating given most conservative politicians' total ignorance of medicine and female anatomy. Trump, despite having five children, clearly had no idea what he was talking about in regard to pregnancy or abortion. And so many of the state legislators who were gung-ho to mandate medically unnecessary pelvic ultrasounds later confessed that they had NO clue what that involved. Get a clue, guys.
It's horrifying to me that any politician (usually male) thinks they have the right to interfere in these incredibly personal situations. NO ONE has the right to make that decision, except the woman herself.
It's especially infuriating given most conservative politicians' total ignorance of medicine and female anatomy. Trump, despite having five children, clearly had no idea what he was talking about in regard to pregnancy or abortion. And so many of the state legislators who were gung-ho to mandate medically unnecessary pelvic ultrasounds later confessed that they had NO clue what that involved. Get a clue, guys.
13
Your story brought me to tears; what all the anti-choice advocates do not realize is how wrenching such a decision is for those who actually must make and live with it. The willingness of the so-called pro-life advocates to substitute their judgement for those who must make this kind of determination is offensive and undermines the definition of freedom.
9
No one is in favor of abortion. The women I know who had them made an agonizing choice. I know several women who made the choice do to the severe disabilities of the fetus. They think about their decisions every day. I know women who had late term abortions to save their own lives--and went to doctors for second and third opinions to avoid the choice. Donald Trump's suggestion that women take abortion lightly is not based on fact, and shows the utter disrespect he has for us.
9
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your pain in this decision shows thru, My best to you and your family for making this decsion and sharing it with that world. Take care.
6
How brave you are to share such a heart breaking tragedy, thank you for your willingness to do so, so that we may better understand the sad circumstances that surround this difficult decision. My condolences to you and your family.
8
My deepest, deepest condolences to you and your family. I have known your pain. 21 years later, not a day goes by that I don't think about my lost son and know that we made the right choice. The loss shaped me, but does not define me, and I'm a much more appreciative parent because of it. To Donald Trump and his ilk - nobody wakes up one morning in their third trimester and says "geez, where does the time go, I meant to terminate that pregnancy months ago, guess I'll just do it now." The decision to terminate a late-term pregnancy is triggered by a heart-breaking discovery. It is wrenching and nobody is cavalier about it. Parents should be shown compassion and allowed to make the decision that is right for them.
12
Thank you so much for your courage and your eloquence. So much.
7
If abortions were for these types of reasons I think not too many people would object. But the vast majority of abortions are for convenience and that's where abortion is immoral for most pro-life people. There are many women having 2 and 3 or more abortions. How can this be justified as choice?
4
Inconvenience is running out of milk while you're cooking and having to run to the store. Having a child is one of the most fundamentally life altering events in a woman's life. It is also a major medical event under the best of circumstances. The fact that you do not recognize this shows you do not value women's lives.
I will continue to repeat this until people stop characterizing *childbirth* and 18 years of *childrearing* as a question of "convenience."
I will continue to repeat this until people stop characterizing *childbirth* and 18 years of *childrearing* as a question of "convenience."
8
This woman made the right decision. No one has the right to challenge it.
9
#WriteInBernie NO LONGER
Reading this heart wrenching story reminded me of the importance
this election has.
My husband and I will now cast our votes for our country and the
true meaning of Democracy and hope for a more Civilized World.
At the Al Smith dinner, Hillary spoke her most important words.
Far More important than any Wall Street Speech.
Thank you Hillary, for speaking to our hearts and showing us the truth.
Reading this heart wrenching story reminded me of the importance
this election has.
My husband and I will now cast our votes for our country and the
true meaning of Democracy and hope for a more Civilized World.
At the Al Smith dinner, Hillary spoke her most important words.
Far More important than any Wall Street Speech.
Thank you Hillary, for speaking to our hearts and showing us the truth.
15
I had an abortion at 28 weeks when a significant deformity was discovered in my child.
He most likely would have survived, but he would have been physically disabled and would have needed a battery of surgeries and medical interventions throughout his life, including surgeries on his brain. That was to manage his condition--there was no way it could ever be "fixed".
To those of you who make the distinction between these kinds of abortions for medical reasons or non-medical reasons, don't kid yourselves--in practice these distinctions don't exist. The same laws and the same restrictions cover all women in these situations, and there is always a chorus of people ready to decide for you which disabilities are OK to terminate for, and which are not. Some say none, others say some, et cetera.
In my reading on this subject I came across one case where a very young woman living in chaotic circumstances found herself to be pregnant. She had had a very difficult life, and the pregnancy was something she couldn't handle. So she ignored it and hoped it would go away. Clearly her mental state was not good. She continued drinking and otherwise punishing her body hoping to induce a miscarriage. When that didn't happen at six months, she sought an abortion.
Now tell me in this case whom it would have benefited to deny her this right.
He most likely would have survived, but he would have been physically disabled and would have needed a battery of surgeries and medical interventions throughout his life, including surgeries on his brain. That was to manage his condition--there was no way it could ever be "fixed".
To those of you who make the distinction between these kinds of abortions for medical reasons or non-medical reasons, don't kid yourselves--in practice these distinctions don't exist. The same laws and the same restrictions cover all women in these situations, and there is always a chorus of people ready to decide for you which disabilities are OK to terminate for, and which are not. Some say none, others say some, et cetera.
In my reading on this subject I came across one case where a very young woman living in chaotic circumstances found herself to be pregnant. She had had a very difficult life, and the pregnancy was something she couldn't handle. So she ignored it and hoped it would go away. Clearly her mental state was not good. She continued drinking and otherwise punishing her body hoping to induce a miscarriage. When that didn't happen at six months, she sought an abortion.
Now tell me in this case whom it would have benefited to deny her this right.
12
Meredith, thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart feels for you and it is obvious your decision was made with careful consideration.
It is amazing we are still having this discussion nearly 44 years since the SCOTUS ruled on Roe v Wade. DT's debate comments prove he has no knowledge of the truth and not surprisingly believes that our government should exert control over the female population.
It is amazing we are still having this discussion nearly 44 years since the SCOTUS ruled on Roe v Wade. DT's debate comments prove he has no knowledge of the truth and not surprisingly believes that our government should exert control over the female population.
5
Mothers have hopes and dreams for their babies even before they are born. You made an excruciatingly painful decision and, in my view, the ethical one, for the benefit of your whole family, including the unborn child. Thank you for sharing your story.
7
For every life that is aborted one potential Jonas Salk, Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Helen Keller, Dr. Martin Luther King, Marie Curie, George Washington Carver, William Shakespeare or maybe just one goofy, funny kid is lost to the world forever. Sure, that kid could grow up to be a Hitler or just another very bad person or an uncared for, impoverished ward of the state - but with abortion we will never know will we. Such a poor, selfish option for the world to have such possibilities thrown away.
5
How about for each woman forced to bear a child she is incapable or unprepared to care for, we could be losing someone who could become a Jonas Salk, Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Helen Keller, Dr. Martin Luther King, Marie Curie, George Washington Carver, William Shakespeare or just a great parent but at another stage and place in their lives? We can debate these fantasy scenarios all day long. Every decision opens some doors and closes others. How is this one any different?
11
Girls and women cannot be viewed as merely incubators, a means to some end, even if you believe that end is good. An abortion can mean a girl or woman's life possibilities are not thrown away and that is her choice to make.
8
You are a brave woman. To say the least. Thank you.
3
Cont'd: With his characteristic bluntness Trump at least portrays late-term abortion for the horrifying thing that it is. For their part, the pro-abortionists should accept it for what it is instead of trying to humanize it with sob stories such as the one in this article which, like Roe v. Wade, tries to have it both ways. If it is a right, then there's no need to pretty it up or to somehow make the horrific palatable. Embrace it for what it is.
3
You are right: it is a horrible thing. No one should have to face such a cruel and momentous dilemma, but such is life.
And if you switch your sex and get pregnant, you will see the other side. You are obviously blind to it now.
And if you switch your sex and get pregnant, you will see the other side. You are obviously blind to it now.
4
God Bless you and little Lev. Love and the soul never die. He will always be with you and your family. I support and defend your ability to make this difficult decision.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing.
3
I have a question: How many abortions has Trump paid for for the women he's dated over the years?
I've never had an abortion but I wouldn't judge any woman's right to have one.
Trump was pro abortion for decades and only last year changed his mind. He has to have funded at least several abortions for all those women he brags about having sex with.
I've never had an abortion but I wouldn't judge any woman's right to have one.
Trump was pro abortion for decades and only last year changed his mind. He has to have funded at least several abortions for all those women he brags about having sex with.
6
Thank you for sharing your story.
4
I have goosebumps reading your story. Yes, yes and yes. You and other women and families like yours, should be making these most private, personal decisions with your doctor and in concert with your beliefs. Thank you for sharing.
6
Blessings to you and your family.
3
@Zander1948 upstateny
"Every woman I know who has had an abortion has agonized over the decision."
I'm sick and tired of the lachrymose sentimentality and inaccuracy of this storyline.
Most of the women I know who had abortions had them at a young age, when their birth control methods failed, and the leading emotion they feel when looking back on the event is GRATITUDE that safe and legal abortion services were available to them.
This is to take NOTHING away from Ms. Isaksen's deeply moving personal story. I honor and admire her decision to tell the sad story of her son Lev.
But usually it's not grieving, tragic, agonizing women who have abortions.
It's a more day lite affair. Sexually active women who unexpectedly find themselves pregnant, don't want to become mothers, and avail themselves of a simple medical procedure to make sure that doesn't happen.
And then proceed to live a fairly unruffled life afterwards.
Like it or not, that's the reality.
When will we stop insisting that women must suffer?
"Every woman I know who has had an abortion has agonized over the decision."
I'm sick and tired of the lachrymose sentimentality and inaccuracy of this storyline.
Most of the women I know who had abortions had them at a young age, when their birth control methods failed, and the leading emotion they feel when looking back on the event is GRATITUDE that safe and legal abortion services were available to them.
This is to take NOTHING away from Ms. Isaksen's deeply moving personal story. I honor and admire her decision to tell the sad story of her son Lev.
But usually it's not grieving, tragic, agonizing women who have abortions.
It's a more day lite affair. Sexually active women who unexpectedly find themselves pregnant, don't want to become mothers, and avail themselves of a simple medical procedure to make sure that doesn't happen.
And then proceed to live a fairly unruffled life afterwards.
Like it or not, that's the reality.
When will we stop insisting that women must suffer?
24
Apparently you have found a way to climb into the minds of these women to know that they suffered no private pain. As with anything else, people often don't reveal their deeper feelings, especially to people they know or suspect will be judgemental.
If any of those scads of women who did it so "casually" were to tell you some of the pain she also felt, what would be your likely reaction? I'm betting it would be some form of judgemental scorn, like "well then why are you doing it?"
Must be nice to live in your simplistic little world. Alas, most of us don't.
If any of those scads of women who did it so "casually" were to tell you some of the pain she also felt, what would be your likely reaction? I'm betting it would be some form of judgemental scorn, like "well then why are you doing it?"
Must be nice to live in your simplistic little world. Alas, most of us don't.
1
Another thing I've never quite understood is why ending a potential life (that's right, the key word here is "potential") is automatically considered cruel when we end actual lives of our suffering pets every day. When we put our dogs and cats to sleep, isn't it considered merciful and right? Then why isn't preventing a lifetime of pain and misery in a human considered merciful as well? And please don't answer that "only God has the right to take a life" because that's a complete conversation stopper. I mean, if we really believe that, we'd have no death penalty. And not all of us believe in God.
11
The problem with the argument that this being should die to avoid suffering for him and his family is that it would also apply to beings already born. A woman's right to an abortion should be based on the idea that the government should not have the right to interfere with decisions a person makes about his or her own body.
3
While the concept of avoiding undue suffering is central to this article, svrw is right: euthanasia is a separate argument.
Legislation is simply too much of a sledge hammer to handle the nuances of family and medical decisions.
I know two women who had late-term abortions, both of much wanted pregnancies. In one case, the fetus was already dead (yes, that's still technically an abortion both legally and medically - it's the pregnancy that is aborted, not the fetus). In the other, there was a horrible genetic defect that would have meant a short, agonising life if there was a live birth at all.
Government interference is just not warranted: medical ethics are up to the task. If an abortion is carried out in the last days, guess what: we call that birth.
Legislation is simply too much of a sledge hammer to handle the nuances of family and medical decisions.
I know two women who had late-term abortions, both of much wanted pregnancies. In one case, the fetus was already dead (yes, that's still technically an abortion both legally and medically - it's the pregnancy that is aborted, not the fetus). In the other, there was a horrible genetic defect that would have meant a short, agonising life if there was a live birth at all.
Government interference is just not warranted: medical ethics are up to the task. If an abortion is carried out in the last days, guess what: we call that birth.
2
Thank you for this. As the country has moved further and further to the Right, I've found myself hardening my heart in order to accept the reality of living in a world without reproductive choice. Now all women have hope. Thank you for sharing your story.
3
I am very sorry for your loss, and thank you for writing this essay. It should be required reading for Donald Trump and all politicians like him.
3
To the anti-abortion crowd: if you're against abortion, by all means don't have one. But stop trying to impose your personal beliefs on the rest of us.
10
How about this similar logic: if you're against slavery, don't buy a slave, but don't try to prevent me from buying a slave to clean my house and keep locked up in my own basement. My basement, my business.
2
The diagnosis of fatal birth defect is devastating...my daughter was diagnosed with anencephaly and died three days after birth. The three days of her life were not painful...she was comfortable and knew nothing but love and died at home after being discharged from the hospital. However, many woman with these diagnosis are not even given a choice...and are sent to termination before they even understand the options. This is not necessarily the best option. Duke Medical School recently published an article that demonstrates better psychological outcomes for women who carry to term:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25872901
3
Ms. Isaksen, grace and peace to you.
No one can fully understand the heartache that accompanies the loss until they have struggled through a decision like the one you were forced to make. Your words have opened a door to understanding. Thank you for that gift.
You have honored your son's memory by sharing your story.
No one can fully understand the heartache that accompanies the loss until they have struggled through a decision like the one you were forced to make. Your words have opened a door to understanding. Thank you for that gift.
You have honored your son's memory by sharing your story.
2
Wrenching. I hate that the GOP exploits this issue and piles on to your pain and the pain of other families who have been faced with such a horrendous choice. I hope that life makes this up to you. Our job as humans should be to help each other through such misery instead of all the tongue clucking and holier than thou.
3
You are very compassionate and brave and I thank you.
4
In the Judiac religious tradition this woman made the right choice. Very different from the so called 'pro-life" position. The mothers life counts too. A few years ago a woman in Ireland died when during a very late term a pregnancy was determined by doctors to be fatal to both. Ireland bans all abortions. Both died. The mother unnecessarily. They tried to get her to the UK to do the procedure and couldn't.
Why do Conservatives want government out of lives except when it really should be. Why is government involved in birth control. abortion, end=of-life care, etc.?
Why do Conservatives want government out of lives except when it really should be. Why is government involved in birth control. abortion, end=of-life care, etc.?
14
Thank you so much for sharing. It's important that people hear stories like yours as they try to figure out their beliefs on abortion and reproductive rights. Cases like this, where the child would be born with a life-threatening disability or anatomical lack, are certainly morally fraught. I think many Christians in America would consider those cases the will of God, and submit themselves to struggle through carrying to term and raising the child in the hope that blessing will come of it, following the example of Christ, who submitted to the will of God even to the point of death so that blessing would result.
That said, not every American is a Christian, and not every Christian American is at a point in their spiritual walk where they can bear up under that kind of suffering. If we grant that it's morally wrong (though sometimes necessary) to terminate a pregnancy, we should also grant that it's morally wrong to legislate an entire population into following the ethics of a minority, without the support system of personal faith and religious community to sustain a life under those ethics.
That said, not every American is a Christian, and not every Christian American is at a point in their spiritual walk where they can bear up under that kind of suffering. If we grant that it's morally wrong (though sometimes necessary) to terminate a pregnancy, we should also grant that it's morally wrong to legislate an entire population into following the ethics of a minority, without the support system of personal faith and religious community to sustain a life under those ethics.
5
I have read one or two compelling first-person stories about why women have chosen late-term abortions for conditions that were truly horrible. This, however, isn't one of them. Although everyone must live with their own decisions, I know that I would do everything possible to save a baby with half a heart, including hoping for a heart transplant. I do have compassion for her difficult decision, but in my view, it wasn't hopeless. I am pro-life, so I can imagine very few circumstance where a late-stage abortion would be truly "the lesser of 2 evils."
6
Hope, if in fact this situation happened to you and you chose a different decision then you would have a right to do so and everyone would support you. That is the beauty of a system where government is not interfering into family's lives. You have a right to do what you see is the best for you and your family, and others should have that right too, even if you don't agree with it.
This is why we should fight to create such environment where government is kept afar from those personal, intimate family decisions.
This is why we should fight to create such environment where government is kept afar from those personal, intimate family decisions.
15
I respect your right to have a different opinion so long as you don't try to impose your beliefs on others.
4
Again, who pays for the heart transplant? The family? If they don't have the assets, who pays? Taxpayers?
6
Would the baby have been able to get a heart transplant? If, so what are the odds of success? This a very private decision for any mother to make, but she lays herself open to questions such as these when she exposes her moral dilemma to everyone who reads the Times. We aren't given enough information to decide what we would have done in her situation. In my family, the baby would have been carried to term if there this procedure had been done before and there were over,say, 75% chance of survival.
I am against all the direct and indirect restrictions on abortion the states have placed. No woman should be forced to drive more than 200 miles for an abortion. I agree that this woman should have the right to abort.
I am against all the direct and indirect restrictions on abortion the states have placed. No woman should be forced to drive more than 200 miles for an abortion. I agree that this woman should have the right to abort.
3
Who pays for the heart transplant?
3
given all of the unknowns i.e., MAY need a heart transplant. This baby would have had a 100 percent chance in my house.
She lays herself open to no questions. It's her business. She doesn't have to come before a panel of strangers to bless her decision.
"We aren't given enough information to decide what we would have done in her situation."
So what? Also, she clearly stated that it was highly unlikely that the baby would even survive. So you actually were told what the odds of success were. It's not your place to judge what amount of risk this woman should have tolerated.
"We aren't given enough information to decide what we would have done in her situation."
So what? Also, she clearly stated that it was highly unlikely that the baby would even survive. So you actually were told what the odds of success were. It's not your place to judge what amount of risk this woman should have tolerated.
2
My heart too goes out to the author and her family for their hardships. But so long as abortion rights are defined in terms of such hardships, a woman's choices will always be limited by men in government. Built in to these tragic cases is the inference that it will always be ok to restrict abortion in cases where the would-be mother hasn't suffered enough in the eyes of men in government.
These decisions are non of the government's business. Period. Shame, heart ache, or tragedy shouldn't be a prerequisite to asserting these rights.
These decisions are non of the government's business. Period. Shame, heart ache, or tragedy shouldn't be a prerequisite to asserting these rights.
11
In most cases we call for doing everything possible to save a life. According to the writers ethics we should make that decision based upon the inconvenience of keeping them alive. Someone that has a medical condition that might be painful and require more than one surgery should be killed according to her. Her answer to burn victims is death. Her answer to multiple bypass heat patients, your better off dead as far as the rest of us are concerned. The cold calculating decision to kill your own child as a matter of convienince is about as disgusting as it can get.
5
A fetus is not a child. Keep your religion to yourself.
8
Dear Jon,
The writer didn't say that at all. You have put words in her mouth based on your own biased thinking.
Disregarding your outright lie based on your own misconception about medical treatment let me explain what happens in the real world.
Burn victims and people with medical conditions have already been born and if they are adults and are of sound mind can make medical choices. A fetus pre-birth or a baby moments out of the womb who is dying isn't able to make an informed decision on treatment.
Having recently buried my wife after a 3 plus year battle with stage 4 cancer, I can tell you that I had to make only one decision using my power of attorney. My wife made all of her medical decisions with consultation with medical professionals and my support. Making a medical decision for someone isn't pleasant but it is sometimes necessary. Clearly the authors case was one of them and it was clearly a heartbreaking decision that considered the medical condition.
The writer didn't say that at all. You have put words in her mouth based on your own biased thinking.
Disregarding your outright lie based on your own misconception about medical treatment let me explain what happens in the real world.
Burn victims and people with medical conditions have already been born and if they are adults and are of sound mind can make medical choices. A fetus pre-birth or a baby moments out of the womb who is dying isn't able to make an informed decision on treatment.
Having recently buried my wife after a 3 plus year battle with stage 4 cancer, I can tell you that I had to make only one decision using my power of attorney. My wife made all of her medical decisions with consultation with medical professionals and my support. Making a medical decision for someone isn't pleasant but it is sometimes necessary. Clearly the authors case was one of them and it was clearly a heartbreaking decision that considered the medical condition.
5
Inconvenience is missing your bus and having to catch the next one.
Having a child is one of the most fundamentally life-altering events in a woman's life. Having a child with severe disabilities is a tremendous challenge for even the most financially equipped families.
The problem is that you don't value women's lives, and therefore, these very real impacts don't enter into your calculus and you can simply write them off as a matter of convenience. If you saw women as people with lives and experiences that mattered, there is no reasonable way that you could characterize these outcomes as "an inconvenience."
No abortions involve "burning" anyone to death. She clearly stated that it was very unlikely that her child would survive birth, and then would need a *heart transplant.* This is different than "painful and would require a surgery." You clearly don't understand the first thing about the issue or this article. So which is it? Are you illiterate, a liar, or simply a cruel misogynist, or all three? Disgusting.
Having a child is one of the most fundamentally life-altering events in a woman's life. Having a child with severe disabilities is a tremendous challenge for even the most financially equipped families.
The problem is that you don't value women's lives, and therefore, these very real impacts don't enter into your calculus and you can simply write them off as a matter of convenience. If you saw women as people with lives and experiences that mattered, there is no reasonable way that you could characterize these outcomes as "an inconvenience."
No abortions involve "burning" anyone to death. She clearly stated that it was very unlikely that her child would survive birth, and then would need a *heart transplant.* This is different than "painful and would require a surgery." You clearly don't understand the first thing about the issue or this article. So which is it? Are you illiterate, a liar, or simply a cruel misogynist, or all three? Disgusting.
5
Once more Hillary got it right, governments at any level, should have no control what so ever as to, if and when a woman should or should not become pregnant and what to do during the course of a pregnancy.
Should a pregnant women decide to see the fetus she is sustaining be freed to enter the world and when the first breath takes place and the cord is cut, the fetus, at that moment becomes a person and a citizen, and not a moment before.
Having attained personhood and citizenship upon birth then he or she as the case maybe has the same rights, privileges, protections and eventually the obligations of any other citizen of the government established by and for the people.
Should a pregnant women decide to see the fetus she is sustaining be freed to enter the world and when the first breath takes place and the cord is cut, the fetus, at that moment becomes a person and a citizen, and not a moment before.
Having attained personhood and citizenship upon birth then he or she as the case maybe has the same rights, privileges, protections and eventually the obligations of any other citizen of the government established by and for the people.
12
Do you really mean at that moment the cord is cut.
What if the cord is not cut and the first berth hasn't taken place but one will after you spank the child.
I am being ridiculous because you are being so evil.
Even before leaving the woman's body everyone even Clinton would tell you it is wrong to abort a child when the mother is in labor if the life of the mother is at risk.
There therefore is a point in the process that is before the one you mention
where this living entity is considered a person who has rights.
How this is established is something I do not know.
This is why the Supreme court first only made abortion a right up to the third trimester which was then changed to viability which can be before the third trimester.
What if the cord is not cut and the first berth hasn't taken place but one will after you spank the child.
I am being ridiculous because you are being so evil.
Even before leaving the woman's body everyone even Clinton would tell you it is wrong to abort a child when the mother is in labor if the life of the mother is at risk.
There therefore is a point in the process that is before the one you mention
where this living entity is considered a person who has rights.
How this is established is something I do not know.
This is why the Supreme court first only made abortion a right up to the third trimester which was then changed to viability which can be before the third trimester.
Abortion ok right up to the instant of umbilical cord cutting?
1
Railing against abortion while working against sex education, defunding birth control, defunding mental health treatment and reducing aid to women and children in poverty -- as Republicans do -- that is the real cruelty. The contrast between the appearance of caring about life vs the reality of pushing for legislation that perpetuates suffering is almost sociopathic.
I know someone who attempted to give herself an abortion many years ago. She was poor, unemployed, and her husband was an alcoholic who was barely earning anything. The children she had later lived lives of privation and various kinds of abuse. This is not always the case with abortions, but it is probably not uncommon. Making this person have the baby without giving other support is not compassionate to the baby.
We need to stop letting the argument be dictated by these people: people who are making NO compassionate efforts to relieve financial suffering, improve mental health, or provide sex education and birth control. This is what it takes to prevent pregnancies that are unwanted and provide a healthy environment once the child is born. In fact Republicans are working against all of these things.
To Trump and all other politicians trumpeting their anti-abortion credentials: how me that you care by helping the already-born. Provide an economy and healthcare system that is not consigning millions of people to desperation. Only then I will listen to your arguments about "compassion".
I know someone who attempted to give herself an abortion many years ago. She was poor, unemployed, and her husband was an alcoholic who was barely earning anything. The children she had later lived lives of privation and various kinds of abuse. This is not always the case with abortions, but it is probably not uncommon. Making this person have the baby without giving other support is not compassionate to the baby.
We need to stop letting the argument be dictated by these people: people who are making NO compassionate efforts to relieve financial suffering, improve mental health, or provide sex education and birth control. This is what it takes to prevent pregnancies that are unwanted and provide a healthy environment once the child is born. In fact Republicans are working against all of these things.
To Trump and all other politicians trumpeting their anti-abortion credentials: how me that you care by helping the already-born. Provide an economy and healthcare system that is not consigning millions of people to desperation. Only then I will listen to your arguments about "compassion".
40
I have no context to fully appreciate the hardship faced by women and families in these circumstances. In my admittedly simple way of thinking about the subject, however, I wonder if the decision might be more intuitively understood (by some) if we imagine the decision to be akin to the election to withdraw artificial life support; I do not mean to introduce a quibble over what life means in this context. There are personal, ethical, moral and reigious guidelines for such decisions and these guideliness are not sanctioned or forbidden by law. I do believe it's rarely a matter of whim for a person to elect to terminate a pregnancy. And I do believe it's not so simple as opponents to choice want it to seem. How does one assess risk, hopelessness, suffering, positive or negative outcomes? Seeking to terminate the biologically imperative support a woman's body provides to a fetus is replete with complexities. And the only role law seems to be suited to is whether such decisions will be followed-through with medically appropriate care for all involved, or not.
7
I doubt many women choose abotion on a "whim". "Whim" means "a sudden desire or change of mind, especially one that is unusual or unexplained." Most women I know who have had abortions consider the decision very carefully. There is nothing whimsical about it.
I'd almost argue that too many people decide to have children without carefully considering what it means. Not that too many people have abortions without due consideration.
I'd almost argue that too many people decide to have children without carefully considering what it means. Not that too many people have abortions without due consideration.
4
First and foremost, my sympathies go out to Meredith Isaksen and all women who have had to make a similar most difficult decision. But let's look at some specific facts in the US regarding late-term abortion. 43 states prohibit abortion after viability (generally considered 20-24 weeks), with very limited exceptions. According to U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data from 2012, approximately 1% of abortions took place after 21 weeks. As for Trump's dramatic and horrid description of "rip[ping] the baby out of the womb." at 9 months, this is not medically possible. If a pregnancy is terminated after viability to save a women's life, an "intact dilation and evacuation" would be performed and a viable baby would be resuscitated.
Let's not let the emotional reaction to inaccurate information erode or vilify a women's right to choose.
Let's not let the emotional reaction to inaccurate information erode or vilify a women's right to choose.
60
You cannot resuscitate a viable baby after an "intact dilation and evacuation" is performed. First, because that procedure does not exist. Second, because in either "intact dialation and extraction" or "dilation and evacuation," (the two procedures that *do* exist) the fetus dies prior to removal from the uterus.
Get your facts right.
Get your facts right.
Joel:
" I wonder if it's how we understand the significance of suffering. Is it something to be altogether avoided when the cost of avoiding it is life itself? Or is there a possibility for meaning in suffering that makes a life with much suffering worth living?"
Thank you for this thought. I would like you, however, to take this idea to it's logical end in this case, which would be that you mandate suffering for others. That is not your decision to make, and that is why so many realize that despite the complications of this issue, legal abortion is the right policy.
I am a fully grown adult woman and I have the right to make my own hard decisions. I believe my rights as such are more important than those of a fetus, and in fact, if I were pregnant would be intertwined with the child in ways you can't possibly imagine as a man. You may not believe that, but that is the real crux of the conflict.
Who decides, not who suffers.
" I wonder if it's how we understand the significance of suffering. Is it something to be altogether avoided when the cost of avoiding it is life itself? Or is there a possibility for meaning in suffering that makes a life with much suffering worth living?"
Thank you for this thought. I would like you, however, to take this idea to it's logical end in this case, which would be that you mandate suffering for others. That is not your decision to make, and that is why so many realize that despite the complications of this issue, legal abortion is the right policy.
I am a fully grown adult woman and I have the right to make my own hard decisions. I believe my rights as such are more important than those of a fetus, and in fact, if I were pregnant would be intertwined with the child in ways you can't possibly imagine as a man. You may not believe that, but that is the real crux of the conflict.
Who decides, not who suffers.
13
Thank you for sharing your experience. Reliving the anguish of such a difficult decision must be as agonizing as making that decision,
Such profound decisions ought to be left to the medical professionals and the families. Government has nothing meaningful to add to the conversation and no legitimate role in the decision.
Such profound decisions ought to be left to the medical professionals and the families. Government has nothing meaningful to add to the conversation and no legitimate role in the decision.
18
Taking a human life is a serous thing. You should not expect to be able to do that without at least a hint of law in the vicinity.
Maybe 22 weeks is the right limit and not 20. Maybe 22, with a trial by jury to determine if the baby should be executed or not.
It's not that anyone wants to intrude on a person's private life, but there is an ethical battle here, and there is a reason for it: Up to a certain point of fetal development, the woman is master of her realm, ultimate dictator of the pre-citizen residing in her, and capable of delivering a death sentence, regardless of external law. That is an unshakable reality. But at some point--a point that the Supreme Court has clearly said is well prior to birth, sovereignty effectively changes, and the child becomes a citizen of the USA, despite the mother's continued ability to kill him/her.
Just food for thought.
Maybe 22 weeks is the right limit and not 20. Maybe 22, with a trial by jury to determine if the baby should be executed or not.
It's not that anyone wants to intrude on a person's private life, but there is an ethical battle here, and there is a reason for it: Up to a certain point of fetal development, the woman is master of her realm, ultimate dictator of the pre-citizen residing in her, and capable of delivering a death sentence, regardless of external law. That is an unshakable reality. But at some point--a point that the Supreme Court has clearly said is well prior to birth, sovereignty effectively changes, and the child becomes a citizen of the USA, despite the mother's continued ability to kill him/her.
Just food for thought.
27
I can go along with that as long as you would also oppose war, the death penalty and you would support policies that help prevent babies and children from dying of poverty-related causes world-wide.
5
I recommend reading Catherine Theresa's comment in NYT Picks. It would clarify the issue for you.
2
Did you bother to read her story? Doesn't seem so. Too afraid of being challenged? Using the word "kill" in response to this story is just flat out cruel.
And your comment provides further compelling argument for the right to leave the law exactly as is and defend it as long as necessary, so (sincerely) thank you for contributing to the cause.
And your comment provides further compelling argument for the right to leave the law exactly as is and defend it as long as necessary, so (sincerely) thank you for contributing to the cause.
10
I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you and your husband went through. Thank you for sharing your experience and revealing the complex human dimensions of a decision that is so deeply personal. Other women have also shared their tragic and difficult stories, and should be honored as well for their courage in doing so at a fraught moment of political discord.
No other person, and especially no male political strangers in government, have the right to interfere in these matters. Neither Trump (a misogynist pandering to the far right) nor Pence (a religious zealot) should have any input into these medical, private and absolutely personal choices of women.
No other person, and especially no male political strangers in government, have the right to interfere in these matters. Neither Trump (a misogynist pandering to the far right) nor Pence (a religious zealot) should have any input into these medical, private and absolutely personal choices of women.
17
It was a highly difficult and painful decision for good reason. Let's not remove that reason. It's what keeps us civilized.
3
I share what I hope a majority of lay people already know. Donald Trump revealed his utter stupidity when he talked about "ripping a baby from the womb in the 9 month, 2 days before it's due". That is not abortion. That would be essentially delivery by C-section and would result in a BIRTH not a death. Donald Trump is obviously clueless about fetal viability, medical ethics, and the term abortion. Third trimester "abortions" are rare, generally done before the fetus would be viable outside of the womb (20-23 weeks) and are almost always done for severe fetal abnormalities that are largely incompatible with life or any semblance of normal life without extreme medical intervention, and are discovered late in the pregnancy. On occasion they may be done to save the life of the mother who may face imminent death, however if the fetus is viable when delivered, every effort would be made to support it outside the womb. That is not abortion either. Hillary didn't try or need to explain that to Dumb Donald--she rightly emphasized that the GOVERNMENT, which is made of lawyers and politicians, has absolutely NO right to get involved with what is essentially a medical issue. The OB/GYN community and ethicists set standards and individual patients make the decision to "terminate" a pregnancy after careful thought. I am an MD, a mom, and a Catholic. I support a woman's right to choose legal abortion, discriminately. I applaud the author for sharing her story & support her decision.
319
One quibble: the 3rd trimester doesn't start until 26 weeks.
My heart aches for you. Be at peace knowing that millions of us understand and stand in solidarity with you.
139
I was moved by reading this article. I have struggled with this issue. More so as I age. I believe that ultimately the woman must have the right to make such a choice. But I have difficulty with this after the second trimester. This article and the readers' comments helped me retain my belief in a woman's choice. But it hasn't mitigated the sadness of such a decision.
2
Heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing this story. The notion that most women would choose this if not for situations such as hers makes it all the more offensive when preached to from those denying there is ever a reason to have to make this choice.
84
I cried for Ms. Isaksen. Any mother would be able to relate to the pain that such a decision would cause. Ms. Isaksen made the right decision for her and her family, based on her circumstances, and with love for all involved. Anyone who would force their conscience on someone else is arrogant in their believe that God does not have a relationship with every individual, and that they have a right to be someone's conscience. Those individuals think they are the God of every individual, and that government or religious institution are more powerful than the relationship of an individual to their God or their spiritual guide. That is truly the most arrogant of actions. I cry with Ms. Isakson as a mother who understands the horrible decision she was confronted with. She consulted with her spiritual guide together with her family and she chose the path strengthened by the miracle of love. God bless the family as they continue to move forward again strengthened by love.
6
Having been born at 23 weeks with comparable (although slightly less serious) health problems and 20 years later having no lasting side effects, I can not morally support abortion. I am not religious, it simply sickens me that children are terminated before there is certainty if they will survive or not. I cannot change the law, I cannot convince anyone pro choice not to get an abortion, all I can do is plead that if you are considering late term abortion do so only under the most dire circumstances. Do not get an abortion just because a child would be an inconvience to you or your family. This is a situation where I do not agree with the mother's decision, but I do understand why it was made. Ultimately, I was born at 21 weeks with some health issues but am now fully functioning and healthy, I just hope that the mothers considering late term abortions realize who, not what, is inside them.
56
can not morally support abortion.
FOR YOURSELF. You do not have the right to make this CHOICE for others. Why do you feel YOU are better at making medical decisions for others? You are NOT.
FOR YOURSELF. You do not have the right to make this CHOICE for others. Why do you feel YOU are better at making medical decisions for others? You are NOT.
14
I don't understand how you were born at 23 weeks AND 21 weeks. BTW, 21 weeks is before viability.
18
Who, not what, indeed. The cold-hearted argument from liberals centers around a what. A person born or unborn is not a thing, but a human being.
2
I dislike the political tone to this op-ed, which carries through to the comments. Clearly, a termination case like this is reasonable and would be approved by doctors, due to this baby's absence of aorta.
Many pro-life Americans are not the monsters other commenters make them out to be. I am a left-leaning independent agnostic, who would personally be very reluctant to have an abortion. However, I do support a woman's right to choose, although I think the conditions placed on late term abortions are necessary to protect healthy unborn babies who would otherwise be viable.
What's needed in the issue of abortion is common ground among Americans. This can be achieved through empathy, ethics, common sense and a respect for human life. Hostility and partisan politics adds nothing positive to the discussion.
Many pro-life Americans are not the monsters other commenters make them out to be. I am a left-leaning independent agnostic, who would personally be very reluctant to have an abortion. However, I do support a woman's right to choose, although I think the conditions placed on late term abortions are necessary to protect healthy unborn babies who would otherwise be viable.
What's needed in the issue of abortion is common ground among Americans. This can be achieved through empathy, ethics, common sense and a respect for human life. Hostility and partisan politics adds nothing positive to the discussion.
17
"Clearly, a termination case like this is reasonable"
Well, a lot of GOP politicians disagree with you, and want to make it completely illegal to terminate at that stage for *any* reason. (Regardless of the health of the woman or the fetus).
Unfortunately, it's not really possible to find common ground when one side (the side in power in most states) is completely unwilling to compromise on even the most common-sense issues, and is dedicated to making abortion completely inaccessible. And even contraception, in some cases.
Well, a lot of GOP politicians disagree with you, and want to make it completely illegal to terminate at that stage for *any* reason. (Regardless of the health of the woman or the fetus).
Unfortunately, it's not really possible to find common ground when one side (the side in power in most states) is completely unwilling to compromise on even the most common-sense issues, and is dedicated to making abortion completely inaccessible. And even contraception, in some cases.
5
"I am a left leaning independent agnostic who would personally be very reluctant to have an abortion." Me too. But there the similarities between us end. A) No one has ever suggested that people be forced to have abortions against their will, so all Americans are pro-choice when it comes to giving birth. B) since giving birth results in a baby that needs to be well-raised into young adulthood, this most personal of decisions to be a parent or not-- whatever the circumstances-- belongs to the woman alone. C) There are no ethical or empathetic components to the discussion, because the discussion was already had-- 40 years ago. It was decided-- abortion is legal. Move on.
2
You are profoundly mistaken--an abortion like this would not be approved by doctors. The laws govern, and if the states forbid abortion after a certain point, the doctors' hands are tied.
I had an abortion for a severe genetic disorder and had to travel from NYC to Colorado, where the laws are less strict. I met women there from all over the US, pregnant with babies missing vital organs. Their doctors could do nothing for them.
I had an abortion for a severe genetic disorder and had to travel from NYC to Colorado, where the laws are less strict. I met women there from all over the US, pregnant with babies missing vital organs. Their doctors could do nothing for them.
5
My younger brother was profoundly retarded. His condition was so unusual that he was studied at St. Jude's in Memphis, Tennessee. He was violently self-abusive, learned to walk at age 3--but pitched forward on the balls of his feet, never had speech but did make repetitive noises, never was toilet trained, had a misshapen head, was double-jointed everywhere, and had terrible muscle tone but was extremely strong. As he grew older, the self-abuse attacks became more frequent. His condition was never fully diagnosed.
We had to institutionalize him at 10 because his self-abusive episodes were so severe my mother couldn't control him. My father later said it was either institutionalize my brother or wait a year an institutionalize my mother. His care was that difficult.
Since his condition was never diagnosed, I had genetic counseling. I had decided that, were I to discover my unborn child suffered from the same syndrome, I would not choose that life for the child or for myself and my husband. Fortunately for me, my pregnancies resulted in two wonderful daughters, so I never faced the terrible choice the author here made for herself or her family.
But that idea that politicians want to make that choice for all women and their families infuriates me. I'm glad Ms. Isaksen shared her experience, and I hope more people understand how terribly important it is to leave these decisions to be made by those who will live with their consequences.
We had to institutionalize him at 10 because his self-abusive episodes were so severe my mother couldn't control him. My father later said it was either institutionalize my brother or wait a year an institutionalize my mother. His care was that difficult.
Since his condition was never diagnosed, I had genetic counseling. I had decided that, were I to discover my unborn child suffered from the same syndrome, I would not choose that life for the child or for myself and my husband. Fortunately for me, my pregnancies resulted in two wonderful daughters, so I never faced the terrible choice the author here made for herself or her family.
But that idea that politicians want to make that choice for all women and their families infuriates me. I'm glad Ms. Isaksen shared her experience, and I hope more people understand how terribly important it is to leave these decisions to be made by those who will live with their consequences.
49
(Not Mark) There is a difference between a medically necessitated abortion and a one of 'convenience'. As for politicians, we vote them into office and they are to reflect our wishes. If not, we vote someone else in. I'm not comfortable with the idea that only a woman can decide when to end her pregnancy, in that case, why have a law against killing a newborn until, say its' 6th month birthday? I don't believe in abortion after 20 weeks. It's viable and it's a baby.
2
"I'm not comfortable with the idea that only a woman can decide when to end her pregnancy, in that case, why have a law against killing a newborn until, say its' 6th month birthday?"
I'm not comfortable with a *man* telling me that I *must* give birth. Because that's slavery. For the same reasons, I am not comfortable with a man telling me that I must donate blood to him or have sex with him. Do you disagree?
You appear to be unaware of how babies are made. Fetuses are wholly dependent on their mother's bodies to sustain their lives. Newborns are not. Our society does NOT force women to allow others to use their bodies against their wills. That's why we don't force organ donation, and why rape is a crime. Are you following me? That's why abortion is permissible, but killing a 6 month old is not.
"I don't believe in abortion after 20 weeks. It's viable and it's a baby."
Fine. Don't get any abortions after 20 weeks then. I won't stop you from gestating any pregnancies that you wish to, Mark.
I'm not comfortable with a *man* telling me that I *must* give birth. Because that's slavery. For the same reasons, I am not comfortable with a man telling me that I must donate blood to him or have sex with him. Do you disagree?
You appear to be unaware of how babies are made. Fetuses are wholly dependent on their mother's bodies to sustain their lives. Newborns are not. Our society does NOT force women to allow others to use their bodies against their wills. That's why we don't force organ donation, and why rape is a crime. Are you following me? That's why abortion is permissible, but killing a 6 month old is not.
"I don't believe in abortion after 20 weeks. It's viable and it's a baby."
Fine. Don't get any abortions after 20 weeks then. I won't stop you from gestating any pregnancies that you wish to, Mark.
5
I thank the writer for a profound expression of such personal experience. Too often, or probably most often, the discussion devolves into accusation, name-calling, citing (ancient) Biblical positions that are not adequate to reflect modern beliefs and practices. And, too often, the discussion is about choice for "women". It is not only for women, it is for girls who may not have any idea of how they became pregnant, what appropriate sexual behavior is, or how to deal with abusers. And the discussion is almost always lacking in discussion of what continuing pregnancy will result in for the baby and it's family....choosing to end pregnancy in some respect will always be a painful choice, and continuing pregnancy to life of endless complications, medical devices and interventions is to promote suffering. Appointing one's self against abortion in all circumstances is elevating one's self to equal stature with God...I don't have the right to govern another's body or reproductive choice, and politician's do not have the right to govern MY reproductive choice, nor do they have moral authority over me.
11
I think what disturbs many of us is that abortion remains the only medical procedure that is totally unregulated -- by the political side that regulates just about everything in a "born" child's life -- because suddenly that life is no longer solely in a parent's hands, no longer a private matter, somehow has become subject to the state's power and hunger to regulate. Another aspect is that other women's health issues are not private: the state regulates and in most cases pays for cancers of the uterus, cervix, breast, etc. Those are also not between a woman and her doctor where no one has a right to question or interfere. "Best practices" reign. Most of us who are terribly uncomfortable with a person's right to the life created for her/him being voided for reasons of convenience, ie "choice", are in favor of closely regulated medical abortion that protects the life of the child as well as the mother. How can someone's existence be merely a matter of someone else's choice? Really. For some, abortion is agony, for others it is a lifestyle. Where's the kid in this equation? To bring sobriety, reason, balance and care to this issue does not seem extreme nor a war on women. It seems civilized.
12
Abortion is not "totally unregulated"-- that's completely inaccurate.
There are regulations in every state to make sure that the procedure is done safely, and that providers are adequately trained. All medical providers have to be licensed by the state, and OB/GYNs are typically board-certified as well.
Many states have enacted incredibly restrictive laws over the last few years, to the point where most US counties have no abortion provider. Many women have to travel to another state for the procedure. And these laws are typically medically unnecessary-- their only purpose is to make it harder for women to access abortion.
There are regulations in every state to make sure that the procedure is done safely, and that providers are adequately trained. All medical providers have to be licensed by the state, and OB/GYNs are typically board-certified as well.
Many states have enacted incredibly restrictive laws over the last few years, to the point where most US counties have no abortion provider. Many women have to travel to another state for the procedure. And these laws are typically medically unnecessary-- their only purpose is to make it harder for women to access abortion.
5
I think what disturbs many of us is that abortion remains the only medical procedure that is totally unregulated
An utter lie. And that is all you people have. Lies.
For some, abortion is agony, for others it is a lifestyle
You are disgusting.
An utter lie. And that is all you people have. Lies.
For some, abortion is agony, for others it is a lifestyle
You are disgusting.
5
I don't know how you can say abortion is unregulated. States have many laws about it, that's what was under discussion. I'd love to be civil about it. Talk of ripping babies from wombs, And the graphic depictions of fetuses are anything but.
6
I had an abortion in my 20's after I determined that I was not ready, in any way, for the birth of a child on my own. I also had a miscarriage early in one of my pregnancies during my marriage. To this day, 25 and 30 years later, I think about who might have been. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Some women make the choice for abortion primarily on the basis of their own or their family's perceived best interests. Some make it on the perceived best interests of the unborn, guided, but not determined, by medical advice.
But the personal choice to begin a pregnancy (or the choice not to be protected from that possibility) is not one that any government has ever intruded upon - and hopefully never will. The personal choice to end a pregnancy, whether perceived by others as selfish or unloving or compassionate and selfless, is just that - personal. There is no way that governmental intrusion into that decision can be accepted as anything other than the meddling that it is. The private lives of citizens of a free society should remain private.
I understand the loss that this mother and others like her have suffered, and the way that she believes it has defined her life. Both my abortion and my miscarriage affected me the same way, even though one loss was volitional and the other was not. Let us continue to support these personal decisions and the losses that they truly are, by supporting a women's right to choose.
Some women make the choice for abortion primarily on the basis of their own or their family's perceived best interests. Some make it on the perceived best interests of the unborn, guided, but not determined, by medical advice.
But the personal choice to begin a pregnancy (or the choice not to be protected from that possibility) is not one that any government has ever intruded upon - and hopefully never will. The personal choice to end a pregnancy, whether perceived by others as selfish or unloving or compassionate and selfless, is just that - personal. There is no way that governmental intrusion into that decision can be accepted as anything other than the meddling that it is. The private lives of citizens of a free society should remain private.
I understand the loss that this mother and others like her have suffered, and the way that she believes it has defined her life. Both my abortion and my miscarriage affected me the same way, even though one loss was volitional and the other was not. Let us continue to support these personal decisions and the losses that they truly are, by supporting a women's right to choose.
24
But the personal choice to begin a pregnancy (or the choice not to be protected from that possibility) is not one that any government has ever intruded upon - and hopefully never will
What about China?
What about China?
Actually until Griswold vs. Connecticut and later Eisenstadt vs. Baird, the government could intrude if it so chose. Source cited: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birth_control_movement_in_the_United_States
Unless I'm mistaken, the law in question at the debate wasn't about late-term abortion with the caveat of a medical condition.
It was about an absolute right to late-term abortion.
Therefore, we should talk about this issue in the context of the actual law proposed -- unfettered access to a late term abortion.
Not talk about it constantly in the terms of being necessitated by a medical condition.
If we want a law that allows access to late term abortion with the stipulation that they are necessitated by medical conditions, pass that law.
This essay should be accompanied by someone who had a late term abortion just because they decided they didn't want a baby, if we are going to have a genuinely honest dialogue.
It was about an absolute right to late-term abortion.
Therefore, we should talk about this issue in the context of the actual law proposed -- unfettered access to a late term abortion.
Not talk about it constantly in the terms of being necessitated by a medical condition.
If we want a law that allows access to late term abortion with the stipulation that they are necessitated by medical conditions, pass that law.
This essay should be accompanied by someone who had a late term abortion just because they decided they didn't want a baby, if we are going to have a genuinely honest dialogue.
18
The overwhelming majority of abortions performed at that stage involve very similar circumstances.
There are only a handful of providers *in the entire country* who perform this procedure, and it can cost upwards of $25K out of pocket. The idea that women are just walking in off the street and casually deciding to have abortions at that point is completely ludicrous.
There are only a handful of providers *in the entire country* who perform this procedure, and it can cost upwards of $25K out of pocket. The idea that women are just walking in off the street and casually deciding to have abortions at that point is completely ludicrous.
13
Many of the state laws only make exceptions for the life of the mother, not the health of the mother or the health of the fetus (North Dakota just passed one such law). These (overwhelmingly male) legislators want to force women like Ms. Isaksen to carry a child to term who might live only moments before dying. As a new mother, I would expect every parent to be pro-choice. The decision to have a child is one of if not the greatest decision we face as a species.
This should not be dictated by legislators with no medical knowledge. Mr. Trump's example of an abortion at nine months is called a "c-section" and would result in a living child.
This should not be dictated by legislators with no medical knowledge. Mr. Trump's example of an abortion at nine months is called a "c-section" and would result in a living child.
13
I have nothing but sympathy for mothers who must make such heart rending decisions and for the unborn babies who undergo or would undergo marginal life on birth. But I must speak out to oppose the torture of infants. When I did an internet search on abortion procedures, I was appalled at what I learned: that the most widely used procedure would inflict horrible pain on a defenseless human being. Maybe the information I found was incorrect; indeed I hope doctors (or others) would never use the procedures described. If they do, they should have their own bodies ripped apart. There was no mention of any medication used to relieve the infants pain. The focus in discussing abortion should at least include alleviation of pain that unborn infants no doubt experience during torturous abortions. There should be laws against such torture!
3
It is none of Trump's business when any woman has an abortion. As with almost every political topic, Trump is deeply ignorant about abortion.
I have watched and listened to arguments over abortion for my entire adult life. I think that the driving force behind the *right to life* movement is organized religion. The loudest voices in that movement are mentally ill people who falsely believe that God speaks to them.
The religious fanatics who want to jail women and their doctors over abortion are dangerous and delusional.
Humans who pretend to know the mind of the Creator are fools.
I have watched and listened to arguments over abortion for my entire adult life. I think that the driving force behind the *right to life* movement is organized religion. The loudest voices in that movement are mentally ill people who falsely believe that God speaks to them.
The religious fanatics who want to jail women and their doctors over abortion are dangerous and delusional.
Humans who pretend to know the mind of the Creator are fools.
19
Thanks for your rational assessment of the whole argument.
1
One of the problems with the right to abortion is the logical and moral inconsistency of the Roe v. Wade decision itself. Is it strictly a matter of a woman's reproductive rights and her right of privacy? Then a woman should be able to abort her foetus at any time during her pregnancy and up to the moment of birth without state interference. Or should the interest of the state in protecting the unborn fetus paramount? Then abortion should be illegal. Instead of deciding the issue, however, Roe v. Wade arbitrarily divides the term of pregnancy into trimesters with the interest of the state increasing each time. This division into three periods of time in which the balance struck between the right of privacy changes is totally fabricated in the Court's Solomonic effort to please both sides of the issue. It doesn't work, so the law remains as divisive as ever. In his portrayal of the horrors of late term abortion, Trump brings the issue to the fore. Either he is right or he is wrong. But in falsely portraying abortion as a "women's health" issue, the pro- abortionists merely repeat the false logic of the Court which insists there must be some extenuating circumstance such as the health of the mother to justify a women's late-term decision. The personal experience given in this article makes the same mistake by dwelling on the author's moral dilemma as if a woman is required to play to the sympathies of an audience which is not personally involved in the decision.
7
"in falsely portraying abortion as a 'women's health' issue"
How is control of your own body not a legitimate women's health issue...?
Many politicians want to outlaw abortion completely, with no exceptions even in situations where a woman's health is severely at risk How is that not a women's health issue?
How is control of your own body not a legitimate women's health issue...?
Many politicians want to outlaw abortion completely, with no exceptions even in situations where a woman's health is severely at risk How is that not a women's health issue?
4
Thank you so much for sharing this painful, bittersweet experience. This could only have been written by a mother who lived through this situation, which should exclude all men (not forgetting for a moment your husband's very real grief) from having a say in someone else's medical circumstances.
Men with erection problems would not accept some woman they didn't know having a decision-making say on whether they could take medication to help them maintain their sex lives. Abortion at any stage is a profoundly more serious decision than this, yet politicians and others with no stake in the outcome feel free to deny families to make decisions that affect them.
Sometimes love means making really hard choices and sacrifice can only be measured by those making it.
Men with erection problems would not accept some woman they didn't know having a decision-making say on whether they could take medication to help them maintain their sex lives. Abortion at any stage is a profoundly more serious decision than this, yet politicians and others with no stake in the outcome feel free to deny families to make decisions that affect them.
Sometimes love means making really hard choices and sacrifice can only be measured by those making it.
7
This is not a "late-term" abortion. A late-term abortion used to mean that the abortion was occurring AFTER the 24th week, when viability outside the womb became more possible. There are some conditions for babies that don't get discovered until after 18-20 week due to limitations of ultrasound in detecting some anomalies. Thus, the window is pretty small for the decision. But 22 weeks is not late-term. This article is misleading people on purpose. And I sympathize with the writer.
Like "assault rifle" it has become the most mis-used term of the new century.
We need science involved in scientific issues, and facts involved in gun issues. Not rhetoric and politics.
Like "assault rifle" it has become the most mis-used term of the new century.
We need science involved in scientific issues, and facts involved in gun issues. Not rhetoric and politics.
7
Thank you for sharing this story. My husband and I had to make this difficult choice when I was 23 weeks pregnant. Finding out at 20 weeks that our baby was not going to live due to severe genetic abnormalities, we met with numerous specialists, geneticists, and had every possible test done to be as certain as one can be in making this decision. Never mind the fact that we were under a time limit, adding to the enormity of the stress and heartbreak. It is a decision that I live with each and every day, and I have no doubt that we made the right decision, that we chose mercy for this unborn child rather than extreme suffering.
The government should have no role in these decisions. The assumption that women callously choose to terminate comes from a place of extraordinary misogyny and the assumption that we women merely found the idea of having a child inconvenient. We wanted this child; we loved her and we still do, but chose the path of mercy. I am just thankful for all the caring, compassionate doctors and nurses out there, the geneticists, and the grief counselors who understand this issue.
The pro-life extremists like Trump have no true compassion, no real value for life, because if they did, they would understand that these decisions are not made callously or cavalierly. Empathy is a quality every woman who has made this decision has, as she feels this loss in her whole being. Empathy is what is missing from men like Trump - hardly pro-life.
The government should have no role in these decisions. The assumption that women callously choose to terminate comes from a place of extraordinary misogyny and the assumption that we women merely found the idea of having a child inconvenient. We wanted this child; we loved her and we still do, but chose the path of mercy. I am just thankful for all the caring, compassionate doctors and nurses out there, the geneticists, and the grief counselors who understand this issue.
The pro-life extremists like Trump have no true compassion, no real value for life, because if they did, they would understand that these decisions are not made callously or cavalierly. Empathy is a quality every woman who has made this decision has, as she feels this loss in her whole being. Empathy is what is missing from men like Trump - hardly pro-life.
38
the 1970 liberalized NYS abortion law set the gestational age for fetal viability at around 26 weeks. After this, abortions were not allowed (? if to save the life or health of the mother) The "late term abortions" DT was referring to are those performed during the period of viability of the unborn, without any mitigating maternal factors other than inconvenience. These can still be performed by killing the fetus in utero then "extracting" the remains (voir: "ripping out the fetus") This horrible scenario should be extremely rare and a matter for a court of judges, docs, psych professionals and ethicists. At 38 weeks it should no longer be a private decision left to a possibly distraught potential mom.
I write this as the proud husband of an adopted woman.
I write this as the proud husband of an adopted woman.
13
I agree
2
I watched the debate, and Trump did not specify any such thing. He spoke of late-term abortions generally, with no caveats about the life or health of the mother or fetus. And what he was describing (in his medical ignorance) was a C-section, not an abortion.
Much like Trump's own campaign staff and running mate, you're putting words in his mouth to make his statements sound more reasonable and coherent. But that is *not* what he said.
Much like Trump's own campaign staff and running mate, you're putting words in his mouth to make his statements sound more reasonable and coherent. But that is *not* what he said.
2
Again, an abortion beyond viability is, by Casey, not generally permitted except to preserve the health of the mother. The idea that someone is having an abortion at 30 weeks for "convenience" is just pure nonsense. You probably shouldn't be getting your information about *anything* from Donald Trump.
3
Thank you Meredith. Your heart felt experience is an important one to share. My son and daughter-in-law also went through a very similar experience. In their 40s, soon after they were married, desiring a child, they had an extreme molar pregnancy detected in the 14th week. The Drs told them that if they wanted a viable pregnancy before it was too late to bear a child, they needed to abort the fetus before it did serious damage to the mother as it would not self abort until the 6th month. They had to walk through jeering protesters to enter a clinic in Northern California. There are so many stories like this, so many personal, heartbreaking private decisions that should remain private and should not be subject to the selfish, political opinions of others. Today I have a wonderful, healthy 7 year old granddaughter, who would not be here if her parents were denied this decision.
287
--Virginia Kast says: "Today I have a wonderful, healthy 7 year old granddaughter, who would not be here if her parents were denied this decision."
Thank you for sharing your experience. This is the side too rarely talked about. All of the terrific children who are born when their mother is ready and able to have a healthy child and be a great mom to that child -- and who would never have been born if their mother had her reproductive life governed by outsiders.
Thank you for sharing your experience. This is the side too rarely talked about. All of the terrific children who are born when their mother is ready and able to have a healthy child and be a great mom to that child -- and who would never have been born if their mother had her reproductive life governed by outsiders.
4
Republicans want to force people to incur the heavy emotional, physical and financial costs of these pregnancies and births yet are willing to deny millions of people medical coverage on the grounds that we can't afford it. Every governor who refused to expand Medicaid has blood on their hands, and anybody who calls themselves pro-life without holding these politicians accountable is a hypocrite.
79
Very well said!
I've had some experience navigating state and local resources for children and adults with disabilities, trying to find (e.g.) medical specialists who accept Medicaid, appropriate supervised jobs and housing for people with developmental disabilities, etc.
Republicans are always first in line to cut these kinds of programs, regardless of their impact on people with disabilities. Always.
I've had some experience navigating state and local resources for children and adults with disabilities, trying to find (e.g.) medical specialists who accept Medicaid, appropriate supervised jobs and housing for people with developmental disabilities, etc.
Republicans are always first in line to cut these kinds of programs, regardless of their impact on people with disabilities. Always.
5
Ms. Isaksen, thank you for having the courage to write this essay. You have done a beautiful job describing the emotions and turmoil any woman who has wanted a child experiences when she learns that her child has a problem that makes survival outside the womb impossible. It was a family affair and one best decided by you and your husband after hearing everything the physicians had to say. It was not the time for government to intrude and lecture you or your family about the sanctity of life. The grief you experienced and the knowledge that you were making the right decision at the same time are proof that a late term abortion is not an easy decision.
I hope that the hole left in your family's heart due to the abortion is filled with love, compassion, and the knowledge that you all did the best you could for your Lev. He is not an anonymous or amorphous thing: he was your son. Shalom.
I hope that the hole left in your family's heart due to the abortion is filled with love, compassion, and the knowledge that you all did the best you could for your Lev. He is not an anonymous or amorphous thing: he was your son. Shalom.
41
"that our government has absolutely no place in the anguish which accompanies a late-term abortion, except to ensure that women and their families have the right to make their choice safely and privately."
You obviously know nothing about health care. Do you have any idea how involved the government is in regulating hospitals in every aspect imaginable? Your claim that abortions are to be exempt from any and all regulations - is a great way to argue that it has nothing to do with healthcare in the first place.
You obviously know nothing about health care. Do you have any idea how involved the government is in regulating hospitals in every aspect imaginable? Your claim that abortions are to be exempt from any and all regulations - is a great way to argue that it has nothing to do with healthcare in the first place.
If your unborn son could vote, who would he vote for?
A very sad story indeed. But you cannot ignore that there are people out there such as Gosnell and his staff who are serving three life terms for murder.
And that is what Mrs. CLinton refers to as "healthcare".
A very sad story indeed. But you cannot ignore that there are people out there such as Gosnell and his staff who are serving three life terms for murder.
And that is what Mrs. CLinton refers to as "healthcare".
11
Hey Hawk, another lost opportunity to shine some light on a difficult subject for ideologues like you seem to be. Too bad. I'll bet you didn't read all the way through this article. I'd love to know why people like you are so fixated on controlling women. Which is the heart of your position and a complete disregard for the principle behind our country's protected right of freedom of religion (which includes freedom from religion.) And yes. It is a medical decision which you apparently as a probable man will never be in the position to face.
3
I am sure that Dr. Kermit Gosnell also told folks he was doing "the right thing" and aborting unwanted, late term babies.
Liberals here who are oh-so-sure they know it all, need to read up on the Gosnell case.
Liberals here who are oh-so-sure they know it all, need to read up on the Gosnell case.
This is a pretty ridiculous hypothetical.
But, just for the sake of argument-- if I was a fetus likely to suffer horrible pain after birth and die within a short time, I'd sure as hell be voting Democrat.
People like Gosnell exist because Republicans have made it so difficult for women to access care from legitimate abortion providers. They've been willing to shut down the entire government just to cut Planned Parenthood funding.
If the GOP had their way, thousands *more* women would be dying or injured in back-alley abortions performed by predators like Gosnell (which is exactly what happened before Roe v. Wade).
But, just for the sake of argument-- if I was a fetus likely to suffer horrible pain after birth and die within a short time, I'd sure as hell be voting Democrat.
People like Gosnell exist because Republicans have made it so difficult for women to access care from legitimate abortion providers. They've been willing to shut down the entire government just to cut Planned Parenthood funding.
If the GOP had their way, thousands *more* women would be dying or injured in back-alley abortions performed by predators like Gosnell (which is exactly what happened before Roe v. Wade).
4
Thank you. Lev's story is important. Your love for him has given us all a gift.
66
I had my first child before there were scans and late term abortions. I had a good pregnancy for the first 8 months, and became seriously ill in the 9th. I will skip the description, other than to say it was horrifying. I gave birth to my daughter who was born without a diaphragm, she died at 23 hours. I hemorrhaged badly, received 3 pints of blood, and was in poor physical condition for the next 6 months. No one should ever have to go through this.
238
I am so sorry for your loss. But it isn't always possible to diagnose a problem BEFORE birth -- no matter how you feel about abortion.
Something like a diaphragm missing would not normally be tested for, nor show up on a sonogram.
I had a co-worker who had a very wanted pregnancy, at 38 -- she had wanted a baby for years -- and had a full term 9 month pregnancy. At 38, she had excellent medical care with great insurance, and every test done -- amnio, etc. -- and NOTHING showed up on any ultrasound at all.
Her baby was born with no lungs -- none at all -- there was no hope or time ot do any procedures. The baby died after 15 minutes. She was devastated.
But it is not always predictable. Sometimes, I also think we have TOO MUCH information. When people did not know the sex of their unborn baby....you did not have women aborting girls so they could have a boy.
Something like a diaphragm missing would not normally be tested for, nor show up on a sonogram.
I had a co-worker who had a very wanted pregnancy, at 38 -- she had wanted a baby for years -- and had a full term 9 month pregnancy. At 38, she had excellent medical care with great insurance, and every test done -- amnio, etc. -- and NOTHING showed up on any ultrasound at all.
Her baby was born with no lungs -- none at all -- there was no hope or time ot do any procedures. The baby died after 15 minutes. She was devastated.
But it is not always predictable. Sometimes, I also think we have TOO MUCH information. When people did not know the sex of their unborn baby....you did not have women aborting girls so they could have a boy.
Thank you for sharing, and putting the lies and condescension of men, most typically, who think they should have the right to decide a family's choices from afar. Abortion is never an easy choice, and later-term abortion of a beloved, wanted child which occurs almost always for dire health reasons is heart-breaking. A family's difficult choices should not belittled or threatened.
141
(Not Mark) Wow, misandry much?
Until what point should you be able to make such a choice? Was your life in danger? What if a defect is discovered upon birth? In saving your son from extraordinary pain, how painful was his death to him? What would have been the big drawback of having him, letting him breathe and see and feel you on the outside before dying?
20
Did you not read the article? Ms. Isaksen compassionately discussed these issues. She and her husband made their decision based on the circumstances, and what they thought best for themselves and their families.
It's not about what you think they should do, or for you to question her in hindsight.
It's not about what you think they should do, or for you to question her in hindsight.
6
Fortunately, those aren't decisions for you to make for others.
6
The issue is not that his *death* would be painful. All that child would know would be pain, all of it. How is that somehow morally superior in your eyes?
6
My husband has a chromosome translocation that would never have been discovered were it not for the analysis done after my third miscarriage. As a result, each pregnancy carried a 50/50 chance of "normal" and not... and let me tell you, after nine bad pregnancies, I have little faith in statistics.
My sixth pregnancy carried such hope as we walked into the doctor's office for the amniocentesis that would shatter my world. While waiting for the results, premature contractions led to a cerclage to hold this precious pregnancy inside and bedrest for weeks only to be given the devastating news that the baby whose kicking and rolling was the most astonishing and wonderful experience of my life would suffer excruciating pain upon delivery with absolutely no hope of survival beyond a day or two. Our decision was clear.
You see, Meredith, I have walked in your shoes and know without a doubt that the government has absolutely no right to interfere in this most personal and profound decision, and that anyone who thinks that a woman climbs onto that surgical table with a light heart is an idiot.
So in my world it's pretty simple, politicians are vetted first on their abortion position, and then we can talk.
My sixth pregnancy carried such hope as we walked into the doctor's office for the amniocentesis that would shatter my world. While waiting for the results, premature contractions led to a cerclage to hold this precious pregnancy inside and bedrest for weeks only to be given the devastating news that the baby whose kicking and rolling was the most astonishing and wonderful experience of my life would suffer excruciating pain upon delivery with absolutely no hope of survival beyond a day or two. Our decision was clear.
You see, Meredith, I have walked in your shoes and know without a doubt that the government has absolutely no right to interfere in this most personal and profound decision, and that anyone who thinks that a woman climbs onto that surgical table with a light heart is an idiot.
So in my world it's pretty simple, politicians are vetted first on their abortion position, and then we can talk.
309
I used to volunteer in a respite day care center where parents were allowed to drop off their disabled children for a rest. We had very few children who were as severely disabled as your child would have been if it had been brought to term. They were in wheel chairs, unable to hold their heads up and had to be fed through their stomachs. Even the less damaged children were hard to care for. One beautiful boy persisted in banging his head against anything hard.
A lot of the kids were autistic. In some cases, the kids were normal at birth, but never developed normally and the doctors had no idea why. Long time carers said this was an increasing population.
Now they have a full time medical facility where the sickest of the sick gan sleep over night, allowing their families a much needed vacation.
A lot of the kids were autistic. In some cases, the kids were normal at birth, but never developed normally and the doctors had no idea why. Long time carers said this was an increasing population.
Now they have a full time medical facility where the sickest of the sick gan sleep over night, allowing their families a much needed vacation.
1
Thank you for sharing your story. It's impossible for me to put myself in your situation however I can imagine how very hard this must be. I believe this should be decided by the women and the people she has around her. The Pro Life movement is primarily a religious one, and thankfully here in America no one is forcing a member of the group to have a abortion, they can chose. Give the rest of us the same option.
63
If you weren't involved in the creation of the child, you should have no say in the decision to terminate. The number of reasons women have to end a pregnancy are too many to list and certainly not the business of a bunch of (mostly male) legislators that generally use their position for religious posturing more than a principled, thoughtful, compassionate stance.
In a culture where health care costs are ridiculous and financial resources have come to define whether you live a life that burdens the rest of society it seems if we begin to force women to have children they cannot support, they do not have the ability or the means to care for, what then?
In a culture where health care costs are ridiculous and financial resources have come to define whether you live a life that burdens the rest of society it seems if we begin to force women to have children they cannot support, they do not have the ability or the means to care for, what then?
89
My suggestion is if such laws pass, there should be a non secret ballot referendum, everyone must vote or be put in the pay column. If you vote for no abortions, then you are put into the pay column. Every child born, whether unwanted, disabled, mother dies, whatever, will have his/her life totally supported by those in the pay column. Tax those people up to 99% of all types of income that will go to a fund for this purpose. You want em, you pay for them. Automatically add any Catholic organization as they are very vocal about it. 100% of all money collected by that church or any organization attached to it will go to the fund. Seems fair to me. Let them sell all the property and 'religious' artifacts they have. Legally break all connections between that religion and Rome. Unless Rome consents to send 100% of all moneys collected to the fund here in the US. Bet they would let the American church die and try to get all the religious artifacts to Rome, along with the money from closing and selling parish churches. Money is what they worship.
2
That was a medical decision and the I believe the proper decision to make. While I consider myself pro-life I also consider myself as someone who needs to step back when a medically necessary painful decision is made under the proper guidance of a doctor.
This decision was not made out of convenience. It was made out of love.
This decision was not made out of convenience. It was made out of love.
61
Thank goodness there are men like you to tell us when our decisions are "proper".
3
yes and, who are you to judge it right or wrong?
3
If you believe she has the right to make this decision and that the government should not be allowed to force her to carry that baby to term, then politically, you are "pro-choice" because that is precisely the right that the "pro-life" movement wants to take from her. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-confuses-birth-with-abo...
3
I'm sorry for your loss. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for the courage you showed in sharing your experience with us.
59
When dealing with anti-abortion types and the Catholic Church, remember the truth of these words: If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
81
I truly hate that saying, because there are many women, like me, who are strongly pro-life.
Which is fine for you Hope. I understand your point of view completely and support it for you. However, others have a different view and needs and they must get the same respect as you. I am pro-choice, but don't in anyway feel that should impact the decision you must make for your own body.
4
Beautiful and important article. Thanks for sharing your story.
35
Very tragic - and sympathetic - specific facts in this example, but what is the general principle being advanced here? If it is that a woman may do whatever she wants with her baby until the moment it is born, then the principle is morally indefensible. At some point, society and the law should have some role in protecting unborn life. To suggest that 5 seconds before the child emerges from the womb it has no rights that the mother has an obligation to respect, and that the law and society have a duty to protect, is madness and unethical.
17
You didn't actually understand the article, did you? Yes, if a person needed to end a pregnancy *during labor*, it's their uterus to donate or not donate, and they'd definitely be ending that donation to save their own life (not that that's even a necessary criterion; I'm just pointing that out to counter these sexually frustrated, religion-brainwashed anti-feminists, who always go to the most extreme, unrealistic hypothetical of a sadistic late-term-aborting devil-mom, cackling in hysterical glee as a grinning doctor digs a fork into her vagina as the baby's about to crown)
1
Well, the law could and maybe should (due to too many lives on the planet as it is) make mandatory birthcontrol for both men and women starting at puberty the law. Making each couple qualify for one child before they can discontinue birth control (which would be implanted, with refills scheduled every year, don't refill both halves of the couple would be found and sterilized). Either government is in total control of all women's reproduction or they stay out of it, and make all religions do the same, completely. No middle ground. I prefer government and religion staying out of it. Make protests in front of clinics illegal, or at least give each woman the right to require each person at such a protest hand over their names, addresses, phone numbers, and lawyers name and number, so that pro bono lawyers can sue them for harassment. Any woman going inside for other services would be able to also sue, for harassment. The protesters and any umbrella organizations (Catholic Church) would have to have enough money in escrow to pay any judgements, plus interest if they appeal.
1
@SM "and that the law and society have a duty to protect." Huh? But that's a fantasy. Please check out the truth, SM, before making any more heavy-duty pronouncements.
2
Thank you for sharing your story. The decision you made was probably the most difficult and unselfish one you'll ever make. The politicians who wish to deny women this right don't see women as human beings, we are baby machines. Women are thoughtless and too stupid to know what is right for ourselves and our families. I will never vote for any politician that is anti-choice, ever. Your story should be required reading to every forced birther.
59
I never had a pregnancy and I grieved for my children that never were. I have always felt sad for those who became pregnant but did not give birth to a living child for whatever reason-it must be so much worse. My unknowns, Lev, my granddaughter Lydia and all the other babies that were not born alive matter. But we do not need politicians and others to help us grieve or mandate our personal choices. Why do they not put more effort into helping those who are already born and in need if they care so much about living beings?
I did raise 2 adopted children with great joy. I did not want legislation, however, that prohibited all abortions so that a pool of adoptive children would be available. I believe this was suggested in a presidential campaign long ago. We women are capable of making hard choices and living with them. We do not need the help of others or legislation no matter how those who would tell us what choices we may make are motivated.
I did raise 2 adopted children with great joy. I did not want legislation, however, that prohibited all abortions so that a pool of adoptive children would be available. I believe this was suggested in a presidential campaign long ago. We women are capable of making hard choices and living with them. We do not need the help of others or legislation no matter how those who would tell us what choices we may make are motivated.
57
Any medical procedure is a medical decision based on science, the needs of the patient, and the skill of the medical professional. Politics or religion should have no role in making that choice. It really is that simple.
101
"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong."
In the 60s at Mount Holyoke all the phones were in closets in the halls. Our family was not a phoning family. It was the first phone call I'd gotten at college. It was my beloved stepfather saying 'Your mother is very likely to die. I thought you should know.' A very late-term abortion just barely saved my mother's life. It was wrenching tragic god-awful for her.
My dear friend had a life-saving very late-term abortion. The idea that these procedures are wanted or casual is so disgusting to me, so contrary to truth, that I almost threw up listening to Mr.Trump's ignorant arrogant thug-ugly description of something he knows zero about.
He is a monster. If my mother were still alive to have to re-live these grimmest days of her life; my friend having this idiot vitriol poured over her heart like acid-thrown in her face. Trump is a monster.
My dear friend had a life-saving very late-term abortion. The idea that these procedures are wanted or casual is so disgusting to me, so contrary to truth, that I almost threw up listening to Mr.Trump's ignorant arrogant thug-ugly description of something he knows zero about.
He is a monster. If my mother were still alive to have to re-live these grimmest days of her life; my friend having this idiot vitriol poured over her heart like acid-thrown in her face. Trump is a monster.
402
I no longer get sick to my stomach over monsters like this. I get angry. I get willing to go to war to keep men like him from trying to 'RULE' (not govern) me. This is just one more reason to vote. Vote against him. Vote for Clinton. If by some God awful reason he wins. There will be war in this country. There are many who will not let this dictator wanna be take office. We will fight and if necessary die for this cause and our beloved country.
Only time will tell if enough people are stupid enough to vote him in. If there is, it's time to clean out the gene pool.
Only time will tell if enough people are stupid enough to vote him in. If there is, it's time to clean out the gene pool.
4
I'd rather a woman abort an unwanted child than subject that child to neglect or abuse. Every time I read a story of some low life woman with a lowlife boyfriend or husband abusing a child or worse, killing and torturing the child, I think who didn't you abort?
30
Thank you for bravely sharing your experience. A close friend went through a similar experience when a 20-week scan showed that the baby lacked a stomach and other organs, plus had severe neurological abnormalities. Death in in utero or at birth was certain. Fortunately, she and her husband live in a jurisdiction that permitted them to terminate the pregnancy.
I have always been a strong supporter of Planned Parenthood and of Roe v. Wade. No one, especially a male Republican or devout Catholic, has the right to impose their particular religion or political agenda on women. Over time, I have come to realize that the anti-choice agenda has little to do with the sanctity of life, as its proponents do next to nothing to help living, breathing children and their parents. Rather, it is a paternalistic position that seeks to deny the equality of women and deny them control over their own lives and health.
I have always been a strong supporter of Planned Parenthood and of Roe v. Wade. No one, especially a male Republican or devout Catholic, has the right to impose their particular religion or political agenda on women. Over time, I have come to realize that the anti-choice agenda has little to do with the sanctity of life, as its proponents do next to nothing to help living, breathing children and their parents. Rather, it is a paternalistic position that seeks to deny the equality of women and deny them control over their own lives and health.
175
To your last sentence one might also add: a way to get votes.
1
Don't forget money. Catholic hospitals make billions on pregnancies that never should have been brought to term. Torturing the unborn and newborn children for 'science', to stop that particular birth defect. Or even more to their liking, nice full neo natal wards full of expensive machinery and non viable children they can keep on life support for months before the poor thing dies. Then they ask the parents for a donation in the baby's name to add more beds. Sick.
If you believe in parental control or living wills, don't ever go to a Catholic hospital. They will deny both. So at either end of your life they can hold you hostage.
If you believe in parental control or living wills, don't ever go to a Catholic hospital. They will deny both. So at either end of your life they can hold you hostage.
2
Not to mention punishment of women's sexuality, which is the real fear.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it helped me experience the anguish and thought that accompanies a situation that only a few families or women have to face and reaffirm my belief that terminating a pregnancy should be the preview of the individual not the state. I will be thinking about your difficult struggle as I make my next donation to PP.
76
I would not have chosen to terminate the pregnancy under these circumstances, however, I respect her LEGAL RIGHT to do so upon advice and consent of her partner and physicians.
This is a very sad story - for the baby. I don't feel so sad about the mother, in fact, right now I feel extremely angry toward her and I am a pro-choice advocate.
This is a very sad story - for the baby. I don't feel so sad about the mother, in fact, right now I feel extremely angry toward her and I am a pro-choice advocate.
11
I would be very interested in knowing why you are angry about the author's chosen path. I am asking genuinely. thank you
48
You don't really sound like a pro choice advocate, or maybe you just don't understand the concept as well as you think you do.
55
Your anger seems misplaced. I wonder if you fear that in reality, if faced with this situation, you might waver in your currently entirely theoretical decision.
7
My only question is:
WAS IT RIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD?
Certainly, at that stage, nobody (except wymin of NOW) can claim that he was only a "blob of bloody cells". He was a child, a person (as even Hillary Clinton admitted of unborn children - quickly withdrawing from it, as to not loose an election again because of such utterings), a human being with a right to live.
So, again:
WAS IT RIGHT FOR THAT CHILD?
WAS IT RIGHT FOR YOUR CHILD?
Certainly, at that stage, nobody (except wymin of NOW) can claim that he was only a "blob of bloody cells". He was a child, a person (as even Hillary Clinton admitted of unborn children - quickly withdrawing from it, as to not loose an election again because of such utterings), a human being with a right to live.
So, again:
WAS IT RIGHT FOR THAT CHILD?
16
It's not your call. It is not your body, or family or life. Nor would you pay a penny more in taxes to help this family with the staggering medical bills another decision would bring,
82
I am assuming you mean to say that is not right for the child. but I would be very interested to know why not. Thank you.
11
If that is your only question, either you did not actually read the piece, or you did not understand it at all.
65
A beautifully-written piece about an almost incomprehensibly difficult subject.
Thank you for your selflessness and kindess in sharing. You have said more in this piece, with more love, than all debates combined. God bless.
Thank you for your selflessness and kindess in sharing. You have said more in this piece, with more love, than all debates combined. God bless.
67
The same rationale could be used for killing a child after birth as well as for aborting a fetus. It could in fact be extended to the killing of old people or the ill and infirm. Where does it end? We cannot play God.
16
No. It is different. The decision of abortion is heavily personal to the parents. Yes it is a kind of killing but the state should defer to the parents.
13
How is it playing God? I know someone who had a very precarious chronic illness, wanted a child very much (would hold other people's babies and weep) she had already had one fetus that died in utero in the 8th month of pregnancy when she became pregnant again. She was told there was no way for that fetus to survive and that to continue the pregnancy would likely cause her own death. She did have an abortion and was heartbroken. Someone actually told me it was God's will that she die, and that is why God gave her that pregnancy. Really?
64
These decisions are in fact made about living children and the aged every day- when to take off life support, when a body is technically breathing but so damaged or in pain or incapable of consciousness that life is really gone. Medical treatment today already allows us to "play God" by extending life far beyond the point at which in any previous historical period a body would not be able to be sustained. To pretend otherwise is to abdicate our most pressing moral responsibilities, and this will only be more true over time as medicine continues to change.
82
Thank you for sharing this story
24
Of course - a heart wrenching story to tsk tsk the pro-life bullies. Every year over one million abortions are performed in the US - almost all as a matter of convenience; and not because a future little Lev will be defective. Should there be limits during pregnancies when abortions should be allowed? The pro-choice crowd is drifting towards "anytime a woman chooses." But this is clearly out of sync with what most Americans feel; and an outlier compared to what the left usually refers to the more civilized of the world.
Take Europe, for example. Only Britain allows uncontested abortion choice by a woman comparable to the US. Most of Western Europe gets much more restricted after the first trimester; some go to 18 weeks - but the overall view is to balance the right of the fetus and the woman. Pro-choice advocates see the fetus as having virtually no rights; that's not what "civilized" Europe thinks. Why? What does that mean to a society? The trend in expanding abortion rights is consistent with seeing a fetus as a non-human; and with the growing coarseness and soullessness of American society. Anyone who has been on US earth for a while clearly senses and notices the trend.
Tough to explain - but there it is. Keep believing a fetus is a non-human and see where that takes us.
Take Europe, for example. Only Britain allows uncontested abortion choice by a woman comparable to the US. Most of Western Europe gets much more restricted after the first trimester; some go to 18 weeks - but the overall view is to balance the right of the fetus and the woman. Pro-choice advocates see the fetus as having virtually no rights; that's not what "civilized" Europe thinks. Why? What does that mean to a society? The trend in expanding abortion rights is consistent with seeing a fetus as a non-human; and with the growing coarseness and soullessness of American society. Anyone who has been on US earth for a while clearly senses and notices the trend.
Tough to explain - but there it is. Keep believing a fetus is a non-human and see where that takes us.
14
Commenter Jon Dama says, "Pro-choice advocates see the fetus as having virtually no rights..."
This statement is not true.
Let's do some research.
A quick look at the Wikipedia article on abortion in the United States might be a place to start. The article breaks down the shifting opinions and state regulations by categories such as men/women, religion, party affiliation, and geography.
The commenter goes on to talk about Europe. Here's a link that explains where he's coming from:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/08/06/abortion_in_europe_and_a...
Only about a quarter of pro-choicers advocate no restrictions, and many of them have in mind precisely the situation described in this article, or are reacting to the paternalistic notions that place women as incubators having less value--being less human--than a fetus.
This statement is not true.
Let's do some research.
A quick look at the Wikipedia article on abortion in the United States might be a place to start. The article breaks down the shifting opinions and state regulations by categories such as men/women, religion, party affiliation, and geography.
The commenter goes on to talk about Europe. Here's a link that explains where he's coming from:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/08/06/abortion_in_europe_and_a...
Only about a quarter of pro-choicers advocate no restrictions, and many of them have in mind precisely the situation described in this article, or are reacting to the paternalistic notions that place women as incubators having less value--being less human--than a fetus.
7
Viability is the standard; society has no vested interest in forcing women to term (also known as slavery).
2
Nobody thinks a fetus is non-human. Roe v. Wade acknowledges competing interests, with society's interest in preserving the life of a fetus increasing as a pregnancy progresses. The states regulate this. The last-minute abortion of a healthy fetus is a straw man; even if a woman wanted one, no doctor will perform one. Late term-abortion is only for fetuses so defective, or lives so threatened, that continuing isn't feasible. Who are you to make that call?iBecause, Jon, there is a significant body of religious law, thousands of years old, that not only permits abortion, but specifically requires it in desperate situations such as this. Or didn't you know that?
4
Beautiful. Thank you.
21
We need to hear the voices and stories of people who do not have perfect pregnancies not so much for justification of Roe v Wade, but so that we know that life itself is not perfect. Pregnancy is a dangerous time for women and the unborn. Like the author, I had a an abortion at 19 weeks the difference was I was unconscious and dying. My husband, family and clergy decided that the abortion gave me the best chance to live. I have no doubt they made the right decision. We should not make laws that do not take life's imperfections and the fact that even a seemingly perfect pregnancy can be deadly. If I would have collapsed two weeks later, it is not likely I would be here today as the life saving procedure would have been illegal.
Right to Life supporters talk about the unborn's right to life, but what about the husband's right to have his wife alive and healthy, or a child's right to grow up with his mother, the family to have their daughter/sister with them, and maybe most importantly the woman's right to life. Why can't we trust that the people in these horrible positions will make the best decisions for them and their family with help from doctors? Why do we need to pass laws that strip away the right to life for the woman and her family? The women and their families in these gut wrenching situations need love and compassion along with life saving medical care.
Right to Life supporters talk about the unborn's right to life, but what about the husband's right to have his wife alive and healthy, or a child's right to grow up with his mother, the family to have their daughter/sister with them, and maybe most importantly the woman's right to life. Why can't we trust that the people in these horrible positions will make the best decisions for them and their family with help from doctors? Why do we need to pass laws that strip away the right to life for the woman and her family? The women and their families in these gut wrenching situations need love and compassion along with life saving medical care.
100
It's because of the arrogance of those who wield their religious agenda like cudgel, who force it on others because only THEY know what is "moral" and "right." It's thinly veiled sexism in it's most extreme, judging women as incapable of rationale thought, unable to make independent decisions. It's because they must control others because it makes them feel superior. It's transparent vanity in it's worst incarnation. Nothing more.
2
Thank you so much for your eloquently expressed truth. Sharing your pain and story with others took great courage. I know that writing this article immersed you anew in the pain of that time and decision. I am so sorry for your suffering and your loss both as a person and as a family. Lev was a precious life filled with love for the time he was here. Your comfort is that you gave him that love and time. I support your choice.
35
You are so brave to have written about your very personal experience for the world to read. I appreciate and thank you for your heavy heart and courage to share this.
I could not agree more with you. Your experience is one of many examples out there clearly demonstrating (well, to me and Hillary Clinton anyway) that no one should ever have a say on our right to choose. You are certainly not obligated by any means to explain yourself to anyone on a such a personal, human experience. The fact that you took the time to do so anyway, all for the cause of continually having to fight for our right to choose, just makes me appreciate and admire you all the more. Our lives are not for our government's or anyone else's choosing, to Donald's (and the narrow-minded humans' aligned with beliefs) great dissatisfaction.
I could not agree more with you. Your experience is one of many examples out there clearly demonstrating (well, to me and Hillary Clinton anyway) that no one should ever have a say on our right to choose. You are certainly not obligated by any means to explain yourself to anyone on a such a personal, human experience. The fact that you took the time to do so anyway, all for the cause of continually having to fight for our right to choose, just makes me appreciate and admire you all the more. Our lives are not for our government's or anyone else's choosing, to Donald's (and the narrow-minded humans' aligned with beliefs) great dissatisfaction.
30
Thank you so much for sharing this heart-rending story of loss, and more importantly of love.
25
Thank you for telling your story. Peace to you.
20
Sorry for your loss and glad for your courage. If men like Trump got pregnant abortion would be exalted in our society.
37
Why does the pro-choice position and anti-men position have to go hand-in-hand? This is just another throw-away insult of men. True, they would think differently about sex if they could become pregnant, but your claim that they would abort without conscience is nonsense.
Ironically, it's the Catholic Church that teaches young men to behave responsibly about sex. At Jesuit male high schools boys are taught that sex can lead to pregnancy and they have a responsibility for their actions. Like men, the Catholic Church is recipient of the tremendous animus of pro-choicers.
Ironically, it's the Catholic Church that teaches young men to behave responsibly about sex. At Jesuit male high schools boys are taught that sex can lead to pregnancy and they have a responsibility for their actions. Like men, the Catholic Church is recipient of the tremendous animus of pro-choicers.
1
As a man I can never experience the anguish women like Meredith Isaksen goes through in making such as difficult decision. But we should all know this, the Republican position on abortion, like the "Southern Strategy" have their roots in the 1968 Nixon campaign and it was (and is) a cynical strategy to get people to vote against their own self interest. Today's Kansas is a case in point. Anti-abortion politics has virtually nothing to do with deeply held views on when life begins and divergent views on contraception, family planning and choice. What it is about is economics, because anti-abortion laws really only affect poor women. To a man (and a few women) the mostly Republican politicians who claim the mantle "pro-life" know that if their wives or daughters needed to have an abortion (or access to contraception) they would be able to obtain them (and in an anonymous fashion). Let us note again that both abortions and infant mortality have consistently fallen during the Obama administration, thanks at least in part to the greater access to healthcare afford by the Obamacare. So if you hate abortions and love babies vote for Democrats.
61
I agree with the thrust of your comment. I do take issue with the fact that, as men, we can't understand the anguish of wrestling with a potential abortion. I will never know what it's like to have a child in my body, but I have deeply and fiercely loved my two kids even when they were in utero. Just because we are men does not mean we are incapable of loving our children before birth.
9
For those who fight so fiercely for the right to bear arms- even combat weapons with huge ammo magazines -or resent almost any intrusion of government regulation (federal worse than state- but all seen as infringing on Liberty & the Individual)- for those who cite the urgency of religious rights- how can they not understand that the choice to get an abortion is also about personal liberty and freedom of religion ?
It is often noted that anti-abortion zealots show little zeal for foster children, food stamps or support for poor kids. Much as the contradiction in approving capital punishment or screaming 'let him die' (at the 2012 GOP primary debate) when asked what should be done wihen an uninsured fellow arrives at the ER.
So- what is it- a pure moral stance, a patriarchal authoritarian posture, a failure of understanding the complexity, privacy, responsibility each woman faces when choosing to terminate a pregnancy ?
The separation of Church & State protects everyone's right to choose, believe and honor faith. Pacifists pay taxes for the military, childless couples pay for public schools, Christian Scientists pay for Medicare. This is democracy.
It is often noted that anti-abortion zealots show little zeal for foster children, food stamps or support for poor kids. Much as the contradiction in approving capital punishment or screaming 'let him die' (at the 2012 GOP primary debate) when asked what should be done wihen an uninsured fellow arrives at the ER.
So- what is it- a pure moral stance, a patriarchal authoritarian posture, a failure of understanding the complexity, privacy, responsibility each woman faces when choosing to terminate a pregnancy ?
The separation of Church & State protects everyone's right to choose, believe and honor faith. Pacifists pay taxes for the military, childless couples pay for public schools, Christian Scientists pay for Medicare. This is democracy.
611
"right to bear arms-" guaranteed by the 2nd Amendment. No such Constitutional protection for abortion.
9
Brilliant, thank you for summing up this mind-boggling hypocrisy. I wanted to reply with the same exact points, and you did so beautifully. The only thing I will add is: many of the people who assert themselves as pro-life also claim they are Christians. Understanding true faithfulness to God means you know only He can judge, and yet they continually cast judgement on these women and their families. Shameful. To the courageous woman who wrote the original heartbreaking piece: thank you for sharing this intimate story. It will provide comfort to those in your same position, - and I hope, it will help others understand the right to make our own medical decisions should never be legislated.
22
@Sara, Oakland CA. Sara, I think the underlying problem is that women, consciously in many cultures, suppressed but present in our culture, is the belief that a women's worth lies in her ability to produce children, preferably boys, without males having to go through the trial of pregnancy and childbirth. For centuries, including in the recent past in America, the baby when born belongs to the father, not the mother. I'm describing "brood mares." The value of the mother's life is secondary to the life of the baby.
The Bible promotes this idea. Somewhere in it it claims that the life of a man is so valuable as to be incalculable while stating that women do have a calculable worth said to be "beyond rubies." Yes, specifically rubies.
The Bible promotes this idea. Somewhere in it it claims that the life of a man is so valuable as to be incalculable while stating that women do have a calculable worth said to be "beyond rubies." Yes, specifically rubies.
4
Thank you for sharing your story. Back in the 70s I had the idea of writing a punk song: "Having an abortion for fun." Obviously, this was a sarcastic title - as if any woman takes lightly having an abortion.
If anti-choice people wanted to actually make a difference, they would work together with pro-choice people towards decreasing the need for abortions. They would support sex education (addressing physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual aspects) and make and keep contraception readily available. And for women (and girls) who chose to not have an abortion, they would provide a wide array of support. In addition, there would be - across the land - a reasonable, rather than token, minimum amount for child support for single parent homes.
Unfortunately, as one person so aptly observed, most anti-choice people are really just pro-birth, not, in fact, pro-life. They don't care about feeding, clothing, educating, and providing health care to those children.
If anti-choice people wanted to actually make a difference, they would work together with pro-choice people towards decreasing the need for abortions. They would support sex education (addressing physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual aspects) and make and keep contraception readily available. And for women (and girls) who chose to not have an abortion, they would provide a wide array of support. In addition, there would be - across the land - a reasonable, rather than token, minimum amount for child support for single parent homes.
Unfortunately, as one person so aptly observed, most anti-choice people are really just pro-birth, not, in fact, pro-life. They don't care about feeding, clothing, educating, and providing health care to those children.
39
Nature taking its course would call for a lot of faith in God. 50+ years ago a priest explained it thusly to my high school class: if you and another are in an airtight enclosure and the air supply is rapidly diminishing, is it ethical to take the other's life to prolong your own If so, why? I'd probably go into survival mode and take the other life esp. if the other was very young or very old (“going to die soon anyway”). A pregnant acquaintance wanted her wealthy boyfriend to marry her. When he wasn't crossing the Atlantic to be there for her, she got such a late abortion it had to be at a hospital. Others don't want to be tethered to the baby’s dad. That’s reasonable though the fetus is/was innocent. A woman wrote an article about not knowing who her baby’s father was. She’d broken up with a boyfriend, had a 1-night fling, got pregnant. One can understand her distress. (She had the baby and told a poignant tale in a woman’s magazine.)
Where should abortion be free and easy and where should it stop? If your neighbor bar-be-ques live kittens (you heard the mews), you might lobby to prevent such cruel acts. What about when abortions become birth control or are for gender selection?
Sick babies are often left in hospitals, but who could sleep knowing the innocent fetus (albeit a very sick one) was left behind for a hospital (even a charitable religious hospital) to tend to the baby until death ensued?
I appreciate the thought provoking 1st-person account.
Where should abortion be free and easy and where should it stop? If your neighbor bar-be-ques live kittens (you heard the mews), you might lobby to prevent such cruel acts. What about when abortions become birth control or are for gender selection?
Sick babies are often left in hospitals, but who could sleep knowing the innocent fetus (albeit a very sick one) was left behind for a hospital (even a charitable religious hospital) to tend to the baby until death ensued?
I appreciate the thought provoking 1st-person account.
4
I am sorry for the woman's suffering, but her case doesn't really fit what Trump was talking about.
Your abortion may have been relatively late, but you were not in your last trimester -- and your baby had a dire and grave condition.
According to Roe, the State can impose more restrictions in the last trimester. But Hillery and her Sorority of Savages want to go further than Roe.
Also, although your baby had a grave medical condition, Doe V. Bolton allows late term abortions on grounds that the birth of a baby might prove psychologically traumatic to the Mother.
To murder a baby, in the last trimester -- by a ghoulish method in which part of the baby is extracted, the brains are crushed and the remains are suctioned out -- because the woman faces real or imagined psychological qualms about being a Mother is disgusting.
And in Hillary's frigid and cruel moral universe, such abortions would be permissible days before the baby's due date.
Your abortion may have been relatively late, but you were not in your last trimester -- and your baby had a dire and grave condition.
According to Roe, the State can impose more restrictions in the last trimester. But Hillery and her Sorority of Savages want to go further than Roe.
Also, although your baby had a grave medical condition, Doe V. Bolton allows late term abortions on grounds that the birth of a baby might prove psychologically traumatic to the Mother.
To murder a baby, in the last trimester -- by a ghoulish method in which part of the baby is extracted, the brains are crushed and the remains are suctioned out -- because the woman faces real or imagined psychological qualms about being a Mother is disgusting.
And in Hillary's frigid and cruel moral universe, such abortions would be permissible days before the baby's due date.
10
Please read this - the 3rd trimester scenario Donald Trump discussed is completely false - ask ANY doctor.
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/10/21/health/donald-trump-debate-late-abo...
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/10/21/health/donald-trump-debate-late-abo...
47
Nobody stands for unfettered access to abortion for any reason up to the due date of the child. But we must keep options open for women who have life threatening health conditions or non viable fetuses. Imposing a bright line on late term abortions without exceptions can bring about the death of the mother such as the case where the woman died of sepsis in Ireland because they refused to remove a dead baby from her. That is why advocates for women's health do not support the so called partial birth abortion ban with no exceptions. The anti choice folks also have many in their ranks who do not want to fund real sex education, free and easy access to birth control, universal health care to help women manage the risks of pregnancy and birth, free child care, higher minimum wages, and financial safety nets to help women manage financially. These social initiatives have a more significant impact on abortion rates than all the hectoring and guilt mongering of the pro- life movement. Bottom line, you want to save babies then put your money where your mouth is.
It is easy to spout talking points and rhetoric. It is harder to discuss what happens in the real world and how to solve problems in a humane way.
It is easy to spout talking points and rhetoric. It is harder to discuss what happens in the real world and how to solve problems in a humane way.
10
At 21 weeks, this was a SECOND TRIMESTER abortion, well within the law of Roe v Wade.
It was not technically "late term" but mid-term.
It is also stated that the baby could have had a good chance at a normal life with a heart transplant, but that the PARENTS did not wish to subject their 2 year old to "having to sit around a hospital waiting room".
The author also declined to describe what a 21 week abortion would consist of and it is not pretty.
It was not technically "late term" but mid-term.
It is also stated that the baby could have had a good chance at a normal life with a heart transplant, but that the PARENTS did not wish to subject their 2 year old to "having to sit around a hospital waiting room".
The author also declined to describe what a 21 week abortion would consist of and it is not pretty.
1
It took a lot of courage to share this, I adamantly ( and with my wallet) support the right for a woman to choose but always wondered about the late term abortions. As someone who wept upon hearing about an acquaintance who lost her baby close to birth I feel that you had a similar experience but with an anguishing experience. I somehow sense you understand that DT's words mean nothing, you have to experience something to really know what you are talking about. Thank you.
14
The anti-choice crowd love to talk about 'saving' the baby/fetus; 'protecting' life, and so on. Often using religious verse and tropes to underscore their righteousness and supposed self-sacrifice in putting 'their bodies' on the line in front of clinics, secular law, and actual patients on this issue.
But on that particular point--using the Christian bible to justify their actions--is what I find most galling. Why? Because when that's done, it's done on the premise of sacrificing 'oneself for one's neighbor' or fellow man. Self-sacrifice in extreme circumstances is indeed a most noble thing.
But self-sacrifice for a baby/fetus/person in a mother's womb necessarily has to go through the mother to get there. Especially in cases where the baby is putting the mother's life in danger, there simply is no Scripture that allows a 3rd party to sacrifice a 2nd to get at another. To ignore the mother is inhumane (and denying her human rights). To acknowledge the mother yet justify her death in a demand that the State 'protect life', is immoral.
There is nothing in the Bible to allow Man to make judgements that sacrifice others in the pursuit of saving a loved one, or in this case, the baby.
Far greater numbers of babies die in the womb due to natural causes beyond human intervention--as this story implies. In the grand scheme of Nature, a woman's choice--regardless of how she arrives at it--should be seen as one and the same, with modern medicine simply reducing suffering.
But on that particular point--using the Christian bible to justify their actions--is what I find most galling. Why? Because when that's done, it's done on the premise of sacrificing 'oneself for one's neighbor' or fellow man. Self-sacrifice in extreme circumstances is indeed a most noble thing.
But self-sacrifice for a baby/fetus/person in a mother's womb necessarily has to go through the mother to get there. Especially in cases where the baby is putting the mother's life in danger, there simply is no Scripture that allows a 3rd party to sacrifice a 2nd to get at another. To ignore the mother is inhumane (and denying her human rights). To acknowledge the mother yet justify her death in a demand that the State 'protect life', is immoral.
There is nothing in the Bible to allow Man to make judgements that sacrifice others in the pursuit of saving a loved one, or in this case, the baby.
Far greater numbers of babies die in the womb due to natural causes beyond human intervention--as this story implies. In the grand scheme of Nature, a woman's choice--regardless of how she arrives at it--should be seen as one and the same, with modern medicine simply reducing suffering.
198
Since "there is nothing in the Bible to allow Man to make judgements that sacrifice others in pursuit of saving a loved one" I might add that in this case it would not have been enough to protect the two-year-old from the loss of parental attention while dealing with a disabled child. That disabled child should be facing bad odds of survival. To wonder if there can be a heart transplant, which may or may not succeed, and to leave the child hanging in the balance would be agony which society should not force on parent or child. Of course, we are only talking from an ethical, moral perspective, since the legal right is with the mother to terminate while the fetus is fully dependent on her. That it would even then be painless for the fetus is something I am not convinced about.
There has never been a law, in any state, that compelled a woman to give birth even though the birth would cause her own death.
There were therapeutic abortions even when I was a fetus, over 60 years ago!
I doubt you can come up with even ONE real life example of a woman whose life was in danger from her pregnancy -- she wanted an abortion, but the law refused it to her -- and she died as a result of giving birth.
There were therapeutic abortions even when I was a fetus, over 60 years ago!
I doubt you can come up with even ONE real life example of a woman whose life was in danger from her pregnancy -- she wanted an abortion, but the law refused it to her -- and she died as a result of giving birth.
1
The example I can think of is fairly recent of an Indian ethnicity woman in Ireland who was forced to carry to term and died as a result. In the US, recently, a nun who was a medical ethicist at a
Catholic hospital was temporarily excommunicated because she approved an abortion for a pregnant woman dying of heart failure. That abortion saved the mother's life. So hospitals like that might actually have some track record of, even in places where abortion is legal, refusing to save a dying woman with abortion, giving the fetus equal status. The nun acted courageously for the place she was in.
Catholic hospital was temporarily excommunicated because she approved an abortion for a pregnant woman dying of heart failure. That abortion saved the mother's life. So hospitals like that might actually have some track record of, even in places where abortion is legal, refusing to save a dying woman with abortion, giving the fetus equal status. The nun acted courageously for the place she was in.
4
Been there myself st 14 weeks. Named her and buried her. Still think about her.
Thank you for a beautiful essay describing the anguish and the unexpected gift of it all.
Thank you for a beautiful essay describing the anguish and the unexpected gift of it all.
32
Heart-wrenching. So much love to you.
1
In this ethical debate, the logical alternatives are: pro-choice and anti-abortion. Full disclosure: I am pro-choice.
As argued, since the government has no place in these decisions, would it not follow that the government has no place in funding such procedures?
Further: the strongest support for abortion freedom (not found in the Constitution) would be to turn the issue back to the respective states. The matter is too sensitive for a one-size national solution. Plenty of pro-choice organizations would readily fund support services for women who live in anti-abortion states (e.g. transportation, medical services, physical / emotional care.) This would be a step forward for women's liberty, not a step backward.
As argued, since the government has no place in these decisions, would it not follow that the government has no place in funding such procedures?
Further: the strongest support for abortion freedom (not found in the Constitution) would be to turn the issue back to the respective states. The matter is too sensitive for a one-size national solution. Plenty of pro-choice organizations would readily fund support services for women who live in anti-abortion states (e.g. transportation, medical services, physical / emotional care.) This would be a step forward for women's liberty, not a step backward.
23
I see where you're coming from, but forcing women to travel out of state minimizes the burden it places on poor and young women. A poor pregnant women may not be able to take two days off of work to travel by bus to the neighboring state etc. But really it comes down to a medical issue, and women's medical care should not arbitrarily be available in some states and not others.
34
But the idea of de-funding women's health and reproductive rights underscores economic and social inequality as well as the intersections of racism, classism and sexism that make women's lives often more complicated financially. Some government funding for medical procedures is the very real difference for poor women of choice verses becoming state and religion sanctioned vessels for "life." Turning it back to the states could do what this issue did for same-sex marriage for nearly 20 years and make abysses of socially backward policy amid select urban-oasis of reason. I cannot agree with you that this would be an automatic step forward.
9
Letting every state hash out its own stance on abortion sounds like a nightmare of confusion to me; it would place an incredible burden on women, especially the poorest citizens. Government involvement in funding these procedures can be seen as necessary for the same reason that any healthcare for the poor is funded by tax money. I think the issue is whether we view abortion as a healthcare issue or a woman's whim.
4
In cases like this, abortion is right and necessary. It's also perfectly acceptable early in the pregnancy as a fallback option for failed contraception, before the embryo has even come close to being sentient. But although the numbers may not be that large, late-term abortions for other reasons do occur, and public acceptance of abortion would be higher if they were legally forbidden while abortions as in this instance were explicitly authorized.
9
I hope with all my heart that you are spared any additional pain, and that your courageous stand for women and families such as yourself is not vilified by those who will stoop to judge another person.
One of the things I find so reprehensible about the anti-choice group is their holier-than-thou certainty in assigning motives to women who are faced with this dreadful situation. They paint them as cavalierly disposing of a child as if it were nothing but a nuisance, they paint them as heartless, and selfish, when the real truth is that they are anything but.
I, too, have lost a child, although under very different circumstances. Sharing that most horrible status with you, I suspect that you have reached a point where you realize, having suffered that loss, that there is nothing, nothing anyone can say or do that can hurt you anymore than you have already hurt.
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for speaking.
One of the things I find so reprehensible about the anti-choice group is their holier-than-thou certainty in assigning motives to women who are faced with this dreadful situation. They paint them as cavalierly disposing of a child as if it were nothing but a nuisance, they paint them as heartless, and selfish, when the real truth is that they are anything but.
I, too, have lost a child, although under very different circumstances. Sharing that most horrible status with you, I suspect that you have reached a point where you realize, having suffered that loss, that there is nothing, nothing anyone can say or do that can hurt you anymore than you have already hurt.
My heart goes out to you. Thank you for speaking.
37
I shudder at the terror and pain your son must have felt. One moment playing and kicking in the warmth of your womb, listening to the voice of the mother he loves, the next.... I met a family whose daughter was diagnosed with a similar condition. She lasted days but in that time she met her little brother and her daddy and felt their love. She passed away on her mommy's chest knowing she was loved and special. The family gave her a proper burial and a photo of her is on their mantlepiece. Her name is Ruth and she was loved.
9
You have no knowledge of what this fetus felt. The family you speak of made their choice. Give other women that same freedom.
11
How in the world do you know that she felt their love? How do you know that she wasn't in agony?
5
Late term abortions are results of either a serious medical issue to the fetus or to the mother. This is not a decision made or taken lightly.
I had a friend who, at a late stage in her pregnancy, discovered her fetus' brain had not developed. This was not a decision of a woman who got 'caught' in an unwanted pregnancy; but a woman who already had 2 children, and she and her husband were looking forward to a third child. She went through labor to deliver.
Late term abortions are heart wrenching not frivolous decisions about an ill timed pregnancy. To say fetuses are 'ripped' from a woman's body shows gross ignorance and a disregard for human life. The author of this op-ed chose to look at the lives and relationships around her as well as the sad medical condition of her fetus. She has my sympathy, compassion and admiration for her brace decision.
I had a friend who, at a late stage in her pregnancy, discovered her fetus' brain had not developed. This was not a decision of a woman who got 'caught' in an unwanted pregnancy; but a woman who already had 2 children, and she and her husband were looking forward to a third child. She went through labor to deliver.
Late term abortions are heart wrenching not frivolous decisions about an ill timed pregnancy. To say fetuses are 'ripped' from a woman's body shows gross ignorance and a disregard for human life. The author of this op-ed chose to look at the lives and relationships around her as well as the sad medical condition of her fetus. She has my sympathy, compassion and admiration for her brace decision.
35
No, Dorothy, Guttmacher Institute has found that the primary reasons for late term abortions are the same as for earlier abortions, not the catastrophic safety issues used to justify them.
1
@AACNY- looked at their website and couldn't find anything to substantiate your statement.
5
I don't have children but your essay made the tears stream down my face. The decision you and your husband had to make must have been more difficult than most of us can ever even begin to imagine.
Please know I will pray for you and will always remember Levi.
I doubt I could ever be as brave as you.
Please know I will pray for you and will always remember Levi.
I doubt I could ever be as brave as you.
13
God bless little Lev.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing.
12
I can barely see the computer screen with my tears in the way. Bless you and your family, and your love for Lev that was so great that you wanted to spare him suffering and pain. And most of all thank you for being so brave to speak out about a difficult subject to make real to the anti-choice men that these situations involve real suffering and aren't because some 8 month pregnant 17 year old couldn't fit in her prom dress.
21
Years ago, a close relative of ours had an abortion to end a probably non-viable (and dangerous for her) pregnancy. When I read your essay, I had tears in my eyes for both her and you, remembering how hard it was for her to have to choose between the risk of continuing the pregnancy and the welfare of her existing family. But it matters a great deal that she -- in the best position to weigh the interests at stake -- was free to make that choice. Like many women, she has said little about it over the years. Thank you for writing this and bringing your experience, and those of other women who have had to make these decisions, into the light.
30
My young cousin was born without a pulmonary artery. They said he might not survive but a week. He has had multiple surgeries and is now 26. We can't imagine life without him. And he can't imagine not being here. I appreciate your story, but wanted to provide another perspective. He is a wonderful successful young man. You would not know to meet him that he had any early set back. He went on to live a conpletely normal life. It's just hard to think that there's a world where he might not exist. I appreciate your right to choose, equally I'd hate to think there was pressure on anyone to terminate
100
Was he born without a heart?
12
I believe that what your cousin had was a part of the problem of this particular case. Not the same. I appreciate the rest of your points, and am happy for your extended family.
7
The point of the pro-choice movement is choice, not pressure.
39
I may be wrong, but I always thought a late term abortion meant during the last trimester, not 22 weeks.
2
Some would probably think that I, a very old gay man, who has had no experience whatsoever with the choices women and men have to make when it comes to this issue, wouldn't be able to empathize with this struggle. I can only say that this essay brought me to tears. When women and the men who stand by them have to go through such a painful decision feel that they're alone, please, know that there are those of us out here at a distance who are with you in thought and spirit.
34
Unfortunately this type of heart-rending circumstance was co-opted by anti-choice zealots, who aggressively characterized late-term abortion as a murderous horror show casually undertaken by soulless women. They did this thinking it was an easy way to drum up anti-abortion sentiment by aiming for what they thought was low-hanging fruit - how could anyone ever justify late-term abortion?
The thing is, as this author shares with such eloquent transparency, most abortions at this stage are due to a terrible circumstance incompatible with health and survival for both mother and fetus. So the anti-choicers served their own ends by demonizing women who very much wanted their pregnancies but instead had to make the worst choice of their lives.
Thank you for sharing your story. You must have relived some of your suffering in writing about your experience, but in doing so you did an immeasurable service to all women by illustrating why no politician and no law should ever take precedence over what a woman and her doctor determine is best for her and her family.
The thing is, as this author shares with such eloquent transparency, most abortions at this stage are due to a terrible circumstance incompatible with health and survival for both mother and fetus. So the anti-choicers served their own ends by demonizing women who very much wanted their pregnancies but instead had to make the worst choice of their lives.
Thank you for sharing your story. You must have relived some of your suffering in writing about your experience, but in doing so you did an immeasurable service to all women by illustrating why no politician and no law should ever take precedence over what a woman and her doctor determine is best for her and her family.
20
Your comment sums up precisely what goes through my head every time someone casually refers to late-term abortion bans and "20 week bans" as a "compromise"
Between pro choice and anti choice positions. Their sense of compromise is to unwittingly torment families suffering with life and death medical decisions. Stories like this, and mine which is similar, are so important to educating people on what the actual issues are. Hillary Clinton knows something about it that few presidential candidates have ever seemed to understand.
Between pro choice and anti choice positions. Their sense of compromise is to unwittingly torment families suffering with life and death medical decisions. Stories like this, and mine which is similar, are so important to educating people on what the actual issues are. Hillary Clinton knows something about it that few presidential candidates have ever seemed to understand.
2
You brought tears to my eyes -- and my heart. So sorry you had to go through this. But am glad that you are healthy, grounded and a better person.
6
I certainly respect the writer for sharing her story, but I wonder if The NY Times has ever thought to publish an Op Ed of someone who regretted their abortion. Unfortunately, that happens all too often where abortions lead to immense psychological burdens on the mothers for many years. I
suppose as a propaganda engine they are more interested in portraying only one side of an issue and not the full picture.
suppose as a propaganda engine they are more interested in portraying only one side of an issue and not the full picture.
7
If you, or someone you know, have a story to tell then tell it. Do not cast slurs on the NYT because they do not mold their editorials to your exact specifications.
I am so sorry for your loss and I understand the compassion that accompanies this decision.
8
Every woman I know who has had an abortion has agonized over the decision. Four of the people I know personally made this decision because of the health of either the baby or the mother. In one case, the mother had cervical cancer and needed treatment immediately. If she did not abort the baby, she would have died herself, and she had a two-year-old son at home who needed her. She and her husband cried and made the decision, ultimately, that to save the woman's life, and for the sake of her son who was already born, they had no choice but to have an abortion. After six months of chemotherapy, she did survive the cancer. When people talk about abortion, most of them have never had an encounter with someone who has had an issue or severe problem that has led to an abortion. It is not used for convenience; it IS used because, in the majority of cases, it's the last resort. That has been my experience with people I have known personally. While I realize that this is anecdotal information, it came from women who actually went through the experience themselves.
22
Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us, Meredith. My best wishes to you and your family.
6
I am honestly crying as I reed this article. I completely agree with the author about the extremely difficult choice she made and how in one way it breaks your hearth and in another how you have to do the right thing. Thankfully I have never personally have to do this, but my hearth goes out to the author, her family, and the child that never got to be.
6
Thank you. It feels like a selfless act of courage to share a story like this. I hope people comment with care. Lev was lucky to have such a loving family who will remember him and his heart forever.
5
Hilarys defense of a womens right to choose during the debate was one of her strongest moments. She was powerful defending a womans right to choose.
Your editorial about you and your families tradgey is very very sad but you absolutely did the right thing. Unbeknownst to our daughter and despite all the testing she unerdwent in her 2nd pregnancy she gave birth to a child with a severe congenital disability. If she had known of this during her pregnancy she would have had an abortion. Why because her little boy who is 4 years old now, struggles, he cannot walk or talk, has to be fed will always be an invalid and will not live past 20. His impact on their family is huge cost summs they dont have and strains every moment of time. His life is a half life.
Anyone who says to her thats tough should be in her shoes and try to raise a child with severe disabilities. I gaurentee they would not be able to stand even one week of what it takes to care for the severely disabiled child.
Your editorial about you and your families tradgey is very very sad but you absolutely did the right thing. Unbeknownst to our daughter and despite all the testing she unerdwent in her 2nd pregnancy she gave birth to a child with a severe congenital disability. If she had known of this during her pregnancy she would have had an abortion. Why because her little boy who is 4 years old now, struggles, he cannot walk or talk, has to be fed will always be an invalid and will not live past 20. His impact on their family is huge cost summs they dont have and strains every moment of time. His life is a half life.
Anyone who says to her thats tough should be in her shoes and try to raise a child with severe disabilities. I gaurentee they would not be able to stand even one week of what it takes to care for the severely disabiled child.
498
Mary, so sorry about your little g'baby. The politicians who advocate for strict abortion prohibitions, seem to " forget" to increase state funding for children born with severe disabilities,such as your little g'son. In fact, it is my understanding that states are cutting such meager funding that now exists. I hope your daughter's family is receiving some financial assistance or in-kind help, such as respite care, education, Medicaid, etc.
4
And I would have a lot more sympathy if all the people who think they should have a say in situations like this would be willing to raise that child. Take on that burden. And I don't think I'm really at odds--I'm pro-choice legally--pro-life personally--but never ever think I should have a say in anyone else's very personal decision. I don't have to live with other people's decisions. And I wish rather than targeting abortion clinics, some of these pro-lifers would just go out and be foster parents or adopt a disabled child. They are already here and need help. Do that instead of your little fetus jars.
5
Meredith,
I am in tears having just read your profoundly touching and humanizing essay. As I think of the uncharitable attitude and distortions perpetrated upon the American public by Donald Trump in last night's debate, my heart goes out to you and all others who have had to make this wrenching decision.
Your beautiful son Lev is a tribute to his loving parents.
I am in tears having just read your profoundly touching and humanizing essay. As I think of the uncharitable attitude and distortions perpetrated upon the American public by Donald Trump in last night's debate, my heart goes out to you and all others who have had to make this wrenching decision.
Your beautiful son Lev is a tribute to his loving parents.
9
While working for the State of NH in child protective services, the director of Health and Human Services gave a speech at an educational seminar. He promised to tell us who the worst parent in the State of New Hampshire was and did...........the State of New Hampshire. No institution can make deeply personal decisions for a family, although that doesn't stop them from wanting to. Remember the Terri Schiavo case when Governor Jeb Bush was prepared to take the decision making process away from her husband. The gut wrenching decision you had to make was best made by people who had a loving connection to Lev, not the government or any part of it and certainly not Republican theocrats. Remember every family faces these kind of decisions when loved ones are dying. I sure would not have wanted anyone telling me what to do when my 53 year old partner was dying on Christmas Day 2005, because only I knew that over and over he had expressed the desire not to be kept alive.
20
Thank you for your courage in expressing why women need to have the power to make these choices, and that politicians have no business distorting the issue and forcing women to carry non-viable fetuses to term.
Remember Savita Halappanavar, who was denied an abortion in Ireland until the fetus's heartbeat stopped, by which time her infection was so advanced that she and her fetus died. Onerous abortion laws result in the death of women; we already have evidence that restrictions on abortion cause a decline in women's health, as demonstrated in Texas.
I will never understand how the Republican Party can proclaim that they are in favor of individual rights except when women want to make their own choices about whether or not to have a child. They need to recognize that women are people and have the right to make their own health care decisions.
Remember Savita Halappanavar, who was denied an abortion in Ireland until the fetus's heartbeat stopped, by which time her infection was so advanced that she and her fetus died. Onerous abortion laws result in the death of women; we already have evidence that restrictions on abortion cause a decline in women's health, as demonstrated in Texas.
I will never understand how the Republican Party can proclaim that they are in favor of individual rights except when women want to make their own choices about whether or not to have a child. They need to recognize that women are people and have the right to make their own health care decisions.
561
I've been thinking of Savita and her family lately, and re-read some articles about her unnecessary death. Why does any government or religion think that so callously sacrificing a woman's life is acceptable or moral?
6
You could understand the Republican Party position if you drew the obvious conclusion from the evidence: for them, only (white) men have individual rights, including the right to dominate everyone else. Yes, they have women hangers-on, because being the dependent of a thug can bring some personal benefits. (The Godfather's women lived in luxury, but not freedom.)
4
"I will never understand how the Republican Party can proclaim that they are in favor of individual rights except when women want to make their own choices about whether or not to have a child"
The Republican party in general has long espoused the contradictory tenets of "government should stay out of our lives" and "we need laws to enforce public morals". Women's reproductive rights certainly are not the only target - look at all the effort they put into discriminating against LGBT Americans. Clearly, their love for individual rights is not quite as principled as they would have us believe.
Perhaps one silver lining to come out of this very dark cloud of an election is that this Republican hypocrisy - evangelical moralists who continue to support a candidate who fails every test of morality - has been laid bare for all to see.
The Republican party in general has long espoused the contradictory tenets of "government should stay out of our lives" and "we need laws to enforce public morals". Women's reproductive rights certainly are not the only target - look at all the effort they put into discriminating against LGBT Americans. Clearly, their love for individual rights is not quite as principled as they would have us believe.
Perhaps one silver lining to come out of this very dark cloud of an election is that this Republican hypocrisy - evangelical moralists who continue to support a candidate who fails every test of morality - has been laid bare for all to see.
4
Susy Smith's "The Book of James" is an interesting read. Knowledge of it
came through the late, and great, British medium (in-betweener is a better word)
George Daisley. One of the real considerations is: Would you be doing the child a favor?
I think Lev had wise parents.
came through the late, and great, British medium (in-betweener is a better word)
George Daisley. One of the real considerations is: Would you be doing the child a favor?
I think Lev had wise parents.
4
Thank you for your story.
Many of us have had to have an abortion for various reasons. This decision is never taken lightly or without serious consideration and it is no ne else's business.
Those of us who can, need to stand up and tell our stories so that other women will have the same rights and privileges that we have had. Otherwise the ability to make our own medical decisions unimpeded will be taken away.
Many of us have had to have an abortion for various reasons. This decision is never taken lightly or without serious consideration and it is no ne else's business.
Those of us who can, need to stand up and tell our stories so that other women will have the same rights and privileges that we have had. Otherwise the ability to make our own medical decisions unimpeded will be taken away.
18
I'm so sorry for your loss. May his memory be for a blessing.
5
I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless your family.
6
Ms. Isaksen, thank you for your courageous telling of your sad story, which is indeed noone's business but your own, and your family's. But you told us something that some of us needed to hear. For that tragic type of profound tone deafness by certain members of our society, I feel compelled to apologize to you for the fact that those arrogant and self righteous people have caused you further pain. All civilized people should shun them.
12
This piece is real and beautiful and, yes, heartfelt. Thank you for speaking out so others may begin to understand the nature of this intensely personal and painful decision. In my mind you did the right thing. Our government should stay out of such decisions. And so should so-called Christians who want to lord their faith over others. Jesus stood for compassion and understanding and love. Many Americans think he threw the first stone.
10
I am wondering whether the fetus receives anesthesia at the start of late-term abortion procedures. There has been substantial nervous system development by 22 weeks' gestation. I'm not trying to exacerbate anyone's misery by posing this question; I genuinely don't understand why anesthesia would not be routinely given in such cases, if in fact it isn't. Thank you.
3
Thank you for your bravery in sharing your experience. Your story is very similar to mine. Even though it was over 20 years ago that I made the choice to abort a pregnancy after "flunking the amnio," the loss is a chronic sorrow. I am still very grateful to the doctor and clinic staff who provided me with safe, compassionate care during the procedure. The decision making process and experience is probably different for everyone. My personal view is that I was in a situation where there was no "right" choice, and I chose the option that was "less bad" for my circumstances and family. I hope that this article will inspire compassion for couples who face a choice like this.
14
Thank you for publishing this story. It is exactly the kind of story Hillary Clinton should have told, with details, when she was arguing for keeping abortion legal at the last debate. People who have no imagination need to be told how dire the situation and how difficult the decision can be.
10
Thank you for so clearly illustrating your heartbreaking story of loss, chosen so that more would not be lost . Disclaimer-this is best as I can tell considering that I can scarcely imagine such a situation. I hope this article reaches people who didn't understand the substance of the debate. With that having been said- we all datamine to find info that supports our biases so-I really hope this somehow catches the attention of those who believed the scare rhetoric. Rest in Peace, Lev.
6
As a long-time labor and delivery nurse, I had the privilege of helping families through this heart-wrenching experience. I remember each of them. In every case they loved their babies massively. It broke their hearts to do what they knew was the right thing.
28
I notice that all the comments posted here are in agreement with your decision. I wonder if this newspaper will also allow my comment. The reason I would like to do so would not be to judge your decision, but to remind others who may be in your situation that there are many children with the abnormality that Lev had who have successful surgeries and who go on to lead good lives.
5
and i would like to remind you that there are many who tried and failed. that is why it should be up to the FAMILY not the government.
22
The author listened to her physicians and wrestled with her decision, it clearly was not made lightly. Surgery you describe can have a low survival rate and if they survive, suffering painfully and a life in and out of hospitals.Not everyone has the money (insurance isn't going to pay for it all), resources or time.
17
Geoffrey, you << notice that all the comments posted here are in agreement with [that family's] decision. >> Your "reminder" then disagrees with it. I think this is arrogant thinking. Agreeing or not disagreeing with such a personal decision is irrelevant. Those here who have posted encouragement and understanding are simply expressing compassion for a family that found itself in a tragic situation. Second guessing in this case is not compassionate and it brushes off the family's agonized weighing of all factors, including the medical outcome.
6
I feel tremendous amounts of empathy for the woman that penned this article. I know that this is an incredibly hard decision. Personally I don't support abortion but I also won't condemn or judge the women that make this decision. It all comes down to what you believe in your heart and based on your own personal morals.
9
Early on in a pregnancy, the fetus is too undeveloped and too dissimilar to a human being to have an interest in being preserved that outweighs the interest of the woman carrying the fetus. Therefore, it's clear that early on, elective abortions should be allowed.
Late in a pregnancy, this calculus changes. At that point, the fetus is very similar developmentally to a human being and, in particular, to a newborn baby. At that point, the fetus's interest needs to be considered, as a matter of law. This is quite obvious to most people.
So, the law should draw the line somewhere around 5 or 6 months. I'm not a doctor or an expert and don't know exactly where. Let the experts figure it out. After the legally defined cutoff, elective abortions should be prohibited, because of the interest in not killing an organism that's very similar to a human being.
With respect to these late term abortions, I still think they should be allowed if necessary to save the life of the mother, or possibly if the fetus is extremely damaged (as was apparently the case with this author). Absent those situations, late term abortions should be disallowed.
This seems pretty obvious. Unfortunately, the pro-life movement, which is primarily a religious movement, has been so aggressive in trying to ban all abortions that the pro-choice movement has circled the wagons and adopted the extreme, patently ridiculous position that abortions be allowed and fully elective up until the ninth month.
Late in a pregnancy, this calculus changes. At that point, the fetus is very similar developmentally to a human being and, in particular, to a newborn baby. At that point, the fetus's interest needs to be considered, as a matter of law. This is quite obvious to most people.
So, the law should draw the line somewhere around 5 or 6 months. I'm not a doctor or an expert and don't know exactly where. Let the experts figure it out. After the legally defined cutoff, elective abortions should be prohibited, because of the interest in not killing an organism that's very similar to a human being.
With respect to these late term abortions, I still think they should be allowed if necessary to save the life of the mother, or possibly if the fetus is extremely damaged (as was apparently the case with this author). Absent those situations, late term abortions should be disallowed.
This seems pretty obvious. Unfortunately, the pro-life movement, which is primarily a religious movement, has been so aggressive in trying to ban all abortions that the pro-choice movement has circled the wagons and adopted the extreme, patently ridiculous position that abortions be allowed and fully elective up until the ninth month.
94
No reasonable person is saying that. Hillary said that it should be legal to preserve the mother's life. The example give was a child that could not survive after delivery. In the comments section, people have described mothers who have taken such children to term and delivered only to have them die shortly thereafter.
The key is, preserving the mother's life or maintaining choice in drastic circumstances. Not dictating to others and having government control their actions.
The key is, preserving the mother's life or maintaining choice in drastic circumstances. Not dictating to others and having government control their actions.
67
Once the fetus develops sufficiently to survive outside the uterus (viability) -- the U.S. Supreme Court decision in Roe v. Wade allows states to regulate abortion for the protection of the fetus. 24 weeks of gestation has long been the breakpoint for viability, so existing Constitutional law tracks what you suggest. The state laws do have to provide some protection for the woman if the pregnancy becomes a threat to her life or health in the last trimester. Reality is that only a tiny percentage of pregnancies are done beyond 20 weeks and a large percentage of those are done because of serious fetal malformations or other medical reasons. The pro-life movement focuses on the small number of late-term abortions, in support of an agenda to end both late and and early term abortions.
16
Nobody waits till the 9th month to make an "elective" abortion. That's fiction. It's always a medical decision, and the state has no right to make that decision, only the woman and her medical team.
39
Years ago I was picking a jury in a criminal case in Manhattan, and the Assistant D.A., a young, perky white woman, facing a typical cross-section of NYC prospective jurors, asked a very obviously pregnant black woman, "I can't help but see that you're pregnant; do you have any other children?" "Yes, I have 4 other children." To which Ms. Very White Preppy, immediately responded, "Oh, what does your husband do?" The response? "I ain't married honey" Needless to say, the jury acquitted my client.
So many of you all here make the same fallacy here: not every pregnancy involves a husband, a family. Cruz, Rubio, the rest of the patronizing, moralizing, Taliban crew of righteousness see child-birth as punishment for sex, whether or not they'll ever admit it. Doesn't matter. Get them out of women's lives. Small government. Just go away GOP.
So many of you all here make the same fallacy here: not every pregnancy involves a husband, a family. Cruz, Rubio, the rest of the patronizing, moralizing, Taliban crew of righteousness see child-birth as punishment for sex, whether or not they'll ever admit it. Doesn't matter. Get them out of women's lives. Small government. Just go away GOP.
24
Thank you for sharing your profound personal story....
My grandmother had 2 daughters, and those two daughters had 3 daughters each. She told us, "Your body is your skin and everything within." Everything. It is your body, and no one else's. She had lived through a time when abortion was illegal. Before every election, she would circle the candidates who were prochoice so her daughters and granddaughters would know where they stood. I can still hear her say "A woman's body is a woman's body." As a teenager had taken her sister to Canada for an abortion. She has been gone 10 years. I miss her so much... Life is suffering, joy... and love...
My grandmother had 2 daughters, and those two daughters had 3 daughters each. She told us, "Your body is your skin and everything within." Everything. It is your body, and no one else's. She had lived through a time when abortion was illegal. Before every election, she would circle the candidates who were prochoice so her daughters and granddaughters would know where they stood. I can still hear her say "A woman's body is a woman's body." As a teenager had taken her sister to Canada for an abortion. She has been gone 10 years. I miss her so much... Life is suffering, joy... and love...
14
Thank you, Ms. Isaksen, for telling your story. Too often it is assumed that "late term abortion" is about killing a healthy baby and that is so often not the case. I had a friend who faced a similar horrible choice when the doctors told her in her 3rd trimester that her baby had no chance of surviving. She was offered the option of aborting the pregnancy. She chose to bring the child to term - and she spent the last few weeks of her pregnancy selecting a casket and planning a funeral. Her baby died just minutes after birth. Is her choice anyone's business but her own? She is deeply religious and relied on her religion to get her through such a difficult time. What if she didn't have the fortitude to get through those last months - and the delivery - knowing that the baby would die? Who would stand in judgment of a woman who couldn't plan a funeral and a birth at the same time, for the same tiny soul? Who are we to judge such painful choices? Who are we to make that choice for someone else?
774
And the questions she faced while walking around obviously pregnant!! When is it due! You must be so excited! Do you know if it's a boy or a girl!!?
That poor soul. I can't imagine how she survived it.
That poor soul. I can't imagine how she survived it.
14
"Too often it is assumed that 'late term abortion' is about killing a healthy baby and that is so often not the case."
That is *never* the case.
That is *never* the case.
3
Ms. Isaksen, I am so sorry for the loss of your little Lev.
7
A poignant and moving story. Thank you for sharing this intensely personal and private experience, and for so eloquently demonstrating why such a difficult choice must remain a matter of individual conscience.
53
Thank you. Frankly, many of our politicians appear to have limited knowledge of female anatomy or our biological processes. Further, women who obtain abortions are summarily dismissed as irresponsible, unprincipled people -- a very dangerous and one dimensional frame. In fact, many will doubtless read your story and think, "Oh well *that's* not the kind of abortion we are talking about!" I think this reaction is directly related to that persistent frame of the irresponsible, unprincipled (unmarried) woman who sleeps around and should be punished and held accountable. I propose we administer a basic test around pregnancy, childbirth, and women's health and see how many of our elected officials condemning Roe can actually pass it.
45
Beautifully written. I'm in tears. You did the difficult but courageous and right thing.
32
I does not fall to you or me or anyone to suggest that she "did the right thing". I don't agree that she did the "right thing". I think she did the "wrong thing".
2
NoTrump, it doesn't matter what you think. You are not the one having to make the decision that the author had to make. Don't agree with her to decision to abort? Too bad.
28
Saving a child from an extremely brief life of terrible suffering that would shortly end in a terrible death - is the wrong thing to do?? Maybe it depends on whether one likes kids or not. I don't like to see anyone suffer.
1
While we're getting rid of Trump and hopefully ridding the country of GOP contagion all up & down the line, this incredible essay should remind us all to get the hypocritical small-government "christian" Taliban out of women's and families' lives -- Pense and Keane debating abortion as though they have any right to dictate downward from on high -- it was disgusting, as all totalitarian moral preaching and consequent control is, from the Inquisition to ethnic cleansing to Mao, Stalin, Hitler, Cruz, pere et fil, Pense, Swanson, and their ilk.
Amazing essay. Life. Choices.
Amazing essay. Life. Choices.
41
Your candor shines a spotlight on the hypocrisy of anti-choice individuals who would interfere and indeed assert their own religion over yours. Dr. George Tiller compassionately helped hundreds of women like you in absolutely desperate circumstances. He was murdered by these zealots and those who use such misinformed half- truth sensationalism for ratings (yes, I am speaking to you, Bill O'Reilly and all of you at Fox News). Words have consequences beyond your selfish grab for ratings.
Trust women, their families and their pastors rabbis/priests/imams/doctors. For a "conservative" to assert the government should oversee this most personal and excruciating of decisions is in direct opposition to conservatives' own creed of deregulation. Cloaked in morality? That emperor has no clothes.
Thank you for sharing your important and typical late term story. Sunlight will allow others peace, too. And women in office will give all a voice.
Trust women, their families and their pastors rabbis/priests/imams/doctors. For a "conservative" to assert the government should oversee this most personal and excruciating of decisions is in direct opposition to conservatives' own creed of deregulation. Cloaked in morality? That emperor has no clothes.
Thank you for sharing your important and typical late term story. Sunlight will allow others peace, too. And women in office will give all a voice.
78
Whilst this must have been an excruciating ordeal for the author, the fact remains that the majority of late-term abortions involve healthy babies and healthy mothers.
6
Is that your opinion or do you know this for a fact?
12
Do you have any proof of this outside of a Free Republic rant?
16
Evidence?
And, for the record, neither the GOP nor Fox nor evangelical blather counts as evidence.
And, for the record, neither the GOP nor Fox nor evangelical blather counts as evidence.
20
I am sorry for the loss of your precious boy. Thank you for sharing this important story. People need to understand that we are talking about heartbreaking situations where the loving parent or parents make(s) a very difficult decision. Best wishes to you and your family.
31
Thank you for this thoughtful and extremely well written article. As an OB/GYN I've seen many patients face the same difficult and life changing decisions that you and your family faced and truly feel these are the stories that need to be heard. They are the stories that represented the pain and suffering that most women, like you so wonderfully stated, face prior to their late term abortions. Your words touched my soul with their honesty and openness may they do the same to others.
62
Isn't there some way to ban late-term abortions, but leave an opening for unusual situations like this, where e.g., not only the life & health of the mother is considered but whether the child in the womb is already known to have a serious impairment that will severely handicap his/her life?
19
Uh, JoJo, stories like this ARE the reason for late term abortions. The overwhelming majority of abortions occur in the first trimester. Contrary to forced birther nonsense, women aren't getting late term abortions because they just feel like it.
60
Why do you need to ban them?? The instances are so rare when it is for anything other than for the reasons you described. Do you realize that with a ban you now need to fill out more paperwork to justify that you are trying to save your life? Why would you do that to the 99% who are going thru there own hellish nightmare.
this crazy suggestion that women are waltzing into doctors offices at nine month pregnant for a completely elective abortion just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen because it's a law or not a law. It doesn't happen because it's crazy talk.
this crazy suggestion that women are waltzing into doctors offices at nine month pregnant for a completely elective abortion just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen because it's a law or not a law. It doesn't happen because it's crazy talk.
199
How about leaving that decision in the hands of the woman, with the counsel of her doctor, her family and, if she likes, her spiritual adviser? It is impossible to imagine a woman who has gotten to 20 weeks of pregnancy making the decision to terminate casually. Anyone who has been pregnant will tell you that, by that time, the fetus is no longer an attraction to the mother, it is an ever present reality. To decide to terminate is heart wrenching. And adding a layer of government bureaucracy into such a devastating and personal decision is sadistic.
12
Something very positive has come out of Trump's run for the Presidency. Women have come out of the shadows, refusing to feel shame about some of the terrible things that have happened to them, and they have shared their stories. Shared them publically and in print. Some have spoken about sexual assault and how that has affected them going forward. Some have shared stories about their abortions. There is such power when we come together as a group. The plots of the stories may differ but many of the feelings are the same.
What you did for precious Lev is motherhood in its highest form. You protected him. You protected him from trauma, pain and suffering. And then you turned this dreadful experience into something positive. The experience didn't harden you, it softened you. Bless you for openly sharing your story. I know you have touched many people. Thank you.
What you did for precious Lev is motherhood in its highest form. You protected him. You protected him from trauma, pain and suffering. And then you turned this dreadful experience into something positive. The experience didn't harden you, it softened you. Bless you for openly sharing your story. I know you have touched many people. Thank you.
1283
Many, if not most, of the women I know have had abortion at one time or another. Two were forcibly raped. One was in her 40's, low income, and taking care of 3 children and two aged parents--she didn't want to abort but felt she couldn't take on a baby at the time. Others were too young--teenagers themselves, without the resources or family support to assume the responsibilities of motherhood.
Michjas in Phoenix writes, "When a husband is wanting a kid badly, a unilateral decision by the mother is very selfish." He--I assume Michjas is male--has no idea what bearing and raising a child takes out of a woman, even under the best of circumstances. Men still contribute so much less in the way of childcare and do so much less in the way of housework. And the physical risks are all on the woman, e.g., pre-eclampsia, Caesarian, etc. It is the woman's right to decide whether she is physically and emotionally up to the task.
Michjas in Phoenix writes, "When a husband is wanting a kid badly, a unilateral decision by the mother is very selfish." He--I assume Michjas is male--has no idea what bearing and raising a child takes out of a woman, even under the best of circumstances. Men still contribute so much less in the way of childcare and do so much less in the way of housework. And the physical risks are all on the woman, e.g., pre-eclampsia, Caesarian, etc. It is the woman's right to decide whether she is physically and emotionally up to the task.
156
Rape has long been an exclusion to laws against abortion.
Excepting that...the other cases are of women who simply don't want a healthy, normal pregnancy. No violence is mentioned, so presumably they conceived in a consensual sexual relationship.
What you and others refuse to ask is: if you cannot afford a baby -- don't want a baby -- have no time for a baby -- don't have a partner to help you wiht the baby -- are a teenager without resources or money -- WHY DID YOU HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
It's 2016, and it is shocking to me how many women seem not to know how "the birds and the bees" work. They think they can't get pregnant, when they are clearly having unprotected sex. They don't use condoms. They are not on the Pill. They obviously do not have an IUD.
What precisely do they think will happen when they keep having unprotected sex? I guess they just think they will be "lucky" or "just this one time".
The time to decide if you can afford a baby, or are "physically or emotionally up to it" is BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX. Not after.
Excepting that...the other cases are of women who simply don't want a healthy, normal pregnancy. No violence is mentioned, so presumably they conceived in a consensual sexual relationship.
What you and others refuse to ask is: if you cannot afford a baby -- don't want a baby -- have no time for a baby -- don't have a partner to help you wiht the baby -- are a teenager without resources or money -- WHY DID YOU HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
It's 2016, and it is shocking to me how many women seem not to know how "the birds and the bees" work. They think they can't get pregnant, when they are clearly having unprotected sex. They don't use condoms. They are not on the Pill. They obviously do not have an IUD.
What precisely do they think will happen when they keep having unprotected sex? I guess they just think they will be "lucky" or "just this one time".
The time to decide if you can afford a baby, or are "physically or emotionally up to it" is BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX. Not after.
Assuming that all your self-righteous puffery is aimed at the MALES involved in these pregnancies. Since it DOES take two.
And for putting all of your smug imagined superiority on display. You really know nothing about what women in these situations go through, do you?
And for putting all of your smug imagined superiority on display. You really know nothing about what women in these situations go through, do you?
5
CC: How can you be surprised how uneducated these teens are when the mandate of the GOP state gov'ts is to make sex education a non entity? Texas is the model case here as Gov R Perry mandated that abstinence be the only subject in sex ed. Texas - Texas was ranked 5 out of 51 (50 states + the District of Columbia) on 2011 final teen births rates among females aged 15-19 (with 1 representing the highest rate and 51 representing the lowest rate).RH1 On a similar scale – where 1 is the highest teen pregnancy rate and 51 is the lowest – Texas was ranked 3 out of 51 (50 states + the District of Columbia) in pregnancies to females aged 15- 19 in 2008.RH2 This according to Texas Dept of Health. So, yes parents need to educate their daughters, because they are not going to get it in school.!!
1
Thank you for having the courage to share this crucial part of your life. It was shocking to hear Trump talk like that during the debate. It illustrates that a woman's right to choose is never safe, can never be taken for granted, must be guarded vigilantly. It was very important to hear Hillary Clinton promising to do that. Your story also made me think back to 2009, when I read about Dr. Tiller being killed by an anti-abortion activist. As a fellow Christian I admired his courage and servive to women who just like you had to make such utterly difficult decisions. It would be terrifying to live in a country where women are not allowed and don't have the safety and possibility to make that decision.
132
Love to Lev. And compassion and condolences to you and every woman and family who has to make this decision. Mr. Trump cannot fathom your pain and anguish. He is too busy contemplating why everyone is against him.
39
This brought me to tears, I cannot imagine what it must have been like to make a choice like this. This essay is why I will always support reproductive rights.
83
The woman's "right" to kill the beginnings of human life in the womb, for whatever reason, is always "the Right Choice."
The collective bourgeois defense for female DNC voters: a Hillary winner every time--her greatest asset in keeping the herd together till election day.
Liberal Imperialism marches on in the post-Modern age.
The collective bourgeois defense for female DNC voters: a Hillary winner every time--her greatest asset in keeping the herd together till election day.
Liberal Imperialism marches on in the post-Modern age.
6
What are you trying to say? Your collection of jargon phrases and impenetrable accusations is an unintelligible mess, the product of a disorderly mind.
Maybe it would help if you stopped talking about vague generalizations and responded by stating your opinion regarding the actual content of this essay.
What do you think of the choice the writer had to consider?
How would you have handled the situation differently if you were in her place, honestly?
Picture this as vividly as you can, if you know anything about pregnancy and birth, and share with us how you would have felt during those moments in the hospital, watching your newborn infant wailing in agony, and dying, barely having the chance to complete his first breaths, or lingering through one painful intervention after another that in all likelihood will only prolong the tender infant's suffering, until the inevitable tragic end?
What about your decision would make it a better choice than the choice this mother made?
It's easy to point fingers, mouth off, and condemn people in the abstract without even closely considering what they are actually going through, but who appointed you judge in this case? Unless you are the father or mother, or God Almighty Himself, it is not your place to make such a judgment.
Finally, the best rule for those who oppose abortion, rather than interfering in other's private matters, is simply, Don't get one.
Maybe it would help if you stopped talking about vague generalizations and responded by stating your opinion regarding the actual content of this essay.
What do you think of the choice the writer had to consider?
How would you have handled the situation differently if you were in her place, honestly?
Picture this as vividly as you can, if you know anything about pregnancy and birth, and share with us how you would have felt during those moments in the hospital, watching your newborn infant wailing in agony, and dying, barely having the chance to complete his first breaths, or lingering through one painful intervention after another that in all likelihood will only prolong the tender infant's suffering, until the inevitable tragic end?
What about your decision would make it a better choice than the choice this mother made?
It's easy to point fingers, mouth off, and condemn people in the abstract without even closely considering what they are actually going through, but who appointed you judge in this case? Unless you are the father or mother, or God Almighty Himself, it is not your place to make such a judgment.
Finally, the best rule for those who oppose abortion, rather than interfering in other's private matters, is simply, Don't get one.
43
"Finally, the best rule" for ending life in the womb is to leave it a personal matter "rather than interfering in other's private matters"?
Isn't death always a personal matter unless there is evidence to suggest that it was not "free will"?
But to the larger issue of cultural ethos, a couple of questions: Then why is the government involved at all? Why the Supreme Court? Why the need for the "right" to end life at will to be protected by the government that represents all of the citizens? Who protects the "right" of the unborn? Is this not the child endangerment of a future citizen?
A party--Hillary's--that can blindly advocate the "right" to end life, no matter how nascent, cannot be trusted to protect any of our rights--Liberal Imperialism marches on.
Isn't death always a personal matter unless there is evidence to suggest that it was not "free will"?
But to the larger issue of cultural ethos, a couple of questions: Then why is the government involved at all? Why the Supreme Court? Why the need for the "right" to end life at will to be protected by the government that represents all of the citizens? Who protects the "right" of the unborn? Is this not the child endangerment of a future citizen?
A party--Hillary's--that can blindly advocate the "right" to end life, no matter how nascent, cannot be trusted to protect any of our rights--Liberal Imperialism marches on.
1
Heart wrenching discription, thank you sharing. I never thought of late term abortion from your viewpoint.
26
I am so sorry.
I was blessed to be spared such a dreadful dilemma, but even now, more than a quarter-century after giving birth to a healthy child, I remember the wait between having the amnio and getting the results. I was 39 when I conceived a wanted child, and I asked my then-husband what he thought we should do if, God forbid, prenatal testing gave us bad news. He told me we were in no position to raise a child with disabilities.
But I loved that child inside me and could not imagine the awfulness of needing to make such a decision. As I said, I was spared it. But I do most viscerally understand how unbearably heartbreaking it would be.
God bless your family and the soul of the child who has gone before you.
I was blessed to be spared such a dreadful dilemma, but even now, more than a quarter-century after giving birth to a healthy child, I remember the wait between having the amnio and getting the results. I was 39 when I conceived a wanted child, and I asked my then-husband what he thought we should do if, God forbid, prenatal testing gave us bad news. He told me we were in no position to raise a child with disabilities.
But I loved that child inside me and could not imagine the awfulness of needing to make such a decision. As I said, I was spared it. But I do most viscerally understand how unbearably heartbreaking it would be.
God bless your family and the soul of the child who has gone before you.
34
Thank you so very much for your eloquent essay. Thankfully there are still places in the United States - like CA - where a woman's sovereignty over her own body has yet to be restricted. It strikes me that there are two ways that Mr Trump feels that he can "grab women by the p----y" : one is the literal assault, but the other is by seizing her reproductive rights. I hope the American voter will prevent him from both egregious thefts of a women's rights and dignity.
110
This is exactly my story. Same point in pregnancy, same congenital defect, same location even (SoCal). Makes me realize how common this type of experience must be. It was terrible to have to make that choice, but would have been infinitely more terrible to not have the option.
95
Bless you for your courage and your love. May your brave article about the loss of your little Lev reach some of the angry, ignorant people who are so easily manipulated by demagogues. Surely, nobody reading this can be unmoved.
33
Thank you for your courage and generosity in sharing your experience with us. I hope your words will be read by as many as possible of those who would seek to restrict or remove a woman's right to direct the course of her own and her family's life. Your words may lead them to a greater understanding of others' feelings, which in turn can lead to greater compassion. I wish you and your family great happiness.
35
Thank you for sharing your moving story. I am so very sorry for your profound loss. I sometimes need reminding of why I escort at a clinic which performs terminations (as well as providing other health care services). Today I was reminded twice. Once by your poignant story, and by the story of a young woman who came to the clinic for a pregnancy termination from out of state. I could see she was fearful. As I escorted her to the clinic entrance, shielding her from the shouting protesters with an umbrella, I wished her well. Later her friend who brought her to the clinic came outside and told me the young woman's story. She was divorced with a small child, and had just been diagnosed with cervical cancer. A hysterectomy had been scheduled, but testing revealed her pregnancy, and her doctor does not perform abortions, which a hysterectomy in that case would have been. I was angry that this woman was going to have to endure two medical procedures when one would have sufficed. Precious time had been wasted, and money as well. It was cruel.
Thank you Ms. Isaksen for the courage to share your ordeal. You have not let the tragedy of having to make the terrible decision to terminate your pregnancy define your life or your family's life in a negative way.
Last night I was so very proud to see Hillary Clinton stand up for Planned Parenthood, and non-equivocally declare her stance on late term abortions. With pride, I will cast my vote for her on November 8th.
Thank you Ms. Isaksen for the courage to share your ordeal. You have not let the tragedy of having to make the terrible decision to terminate your pregnancy define your life or your family's life in a negative way.
Last night I was so very proud to see Hillary Clinton stand up for Planned Parenthood, and non-equivocally declare her stance on late term abortions. With pride, I will cast my vote for her on November 8th.
211
Wow, I would have gotten another doctor. There are plenty around who don 't share this doctor's religious beliefs. Well educated, high income women have a much greater ability to chose good doctors and walk away from bad ones. I am not sure that removing a diseased uterus which incidentally has a fetus in it constitutes abortion un der Canon Law.
1
Thank you for sharing your experience. It has helped me understand the position you and others hold on the issue. I find myself wanting to be persuaded of it, but unable to be, however. I read each of your points carefully to understand your reasoning, but I nevertheless arrived at the opposite conclusion at almost every point. I don't know how it can be that I see eye to eye with you and others so little on this.
I wonder if it's how we understand the significance of suffering. Is it something to be altogether avoided when the cost of avoiding it is life itself? Or is there a possibility for meaning in suffering that makes a life with much suffering worth living?
I wonder if it's how we understand the significance of suffering. Is it something to be altogether avoided when the cost of avoiding it is life itself? Or is there a possibility for meaning in suffering that makes a life with much suffering worth living?
82
I presume that you are a man, and the kind of "suffering" you glorify would therefore never be part of your personal experience.
All of us suffer pain and loss, but I hope never to be ruled by your ilk. And I thank the gods that I am too old to face the physical consequences if the anti-choice forces put women back into the Dark Ages.
All of us suffer pain and loss, but I hope never to be ruled by your ilk. And I thank the gods that I am too old to face the physical consequences if the anti-choice forces put women back into the Dark Ages.
36
Are you actually implying that the writer, in making her anguishing decision, avoided suffering? If you are indeed a man, then you simply cannot understand how the joy of pregnancy, indeed that of parenthood, is always offset by the fear of loss. And when that loss becomes real, the result is life-long suffering. I don't think you actually do understand the position of the writer and other women who have to make such tragic decisions.
29
To Joel: Could you please explain to me how a severely damaged fetus might find "meaning in suffering"?
41
Thank you so much for this. I've never been faced with the incredibly painful choice you had to make, but I have tremendous compassion for you. So many women face this. So many. Thank you, sister.
42
Thank you for sharing your story.
I will fight until my last breath to make sure that women are able to make the choice you made.
God bless you.
I will fight until my last breath to make sure that women are able to make the choice you made.
God bless you.
34
Bless you for sharing your heartbreaking story.
16
Nothing like actual, wrenching, complex, personal experience to counter glib armchair moralizing or, in Trump''s case, shallow political expediency. So Thank You.
36
Hard cases make bad law.
3
And nobody notes here: aborting a severely deformed fetus was not illegal, even BEFORE Roe v. Wade, and it is very unlikely any reform of Roe would result in banning THIS kind of therapeutic abortion.
1
Then you aren't paying attention to what wing nut legislators are trying their hardest to do in many states - which is to make exactly this type of situation illegal.
The only "reform" needed for Roe v Wade is to nullify all of these restrictive laws that interfere with women's access to their own reproductive health care. It is no one else's business.
The only "reform" needed for Roe v Wade is to nullify all of these restrictive laws that interfere with women's access to their own reproductive health care. It is no one else's business.
6
The anguish you write about has touched many women, and for reasons that do not necessarily mirror your own. Those of us who have terminated a pregnancy for our own health purposes (cancer, blood disorders, etc.) grieve no less. Government has no place in these decisions. Thank you, Hillary Clinton, for making our case, and to Planned Parenthood.
999
Thank you for sharing your beautiful and compassionate story. Perhaps it will help many of us understand the suffering so many face when confronting a decision about terminating a pregnancy. I am often amazed that so many think that the government or those not closely involved have any right to determine the outcome or make such a decision for someone else. Your story brought tears to my eyes and explained why almost anyone might decide to end a pregnancy late term. I wish you and your family much peace and happiness.
23
A very moving story. So difficult for a couple to have to decide under these circumstances. Then, when others who generalize about ALL late term abortions and judge parents in your situation...very difficult.
Trump would benefit from hearing many stories like yours. He might find judging others more difficult in the future. Lack of information is often why some people agree with Trump's opinion which over-simplified and unfairly generalized this very complicated issue.
Ignorance of all facets of an issue is often why humans are so quick to come to a conclusion without studying the issue from many perspectives.
May God continue to bless little Lev. I know he will live in your family's heart forever.
Trump would benefit from hearing many stories like yours. He might find judging others more difficult in the future. Lack of information is often why some people agree with Trump's opinion which over-simplified and unfairly generalized this very complicated issue.
Ignorance of all facets of an issue is often why humans are so quick to come to a conclusion without studying the issue from many perspectives.
May God continue to bless little Lev. I know he will live in your family's heart forever.
15
I have a friend who had a similar situation who said it was a painful but well thought out decision - one made after many consultations. I also have a friend who is an ob-gyn and specializes in this procedure. She said that all of the women undergoing this wanted to have their babies and are terminating the pregnancy based on medical advice.
Both of them had said that the politicians screaming about this have no idea about who is actually having these procedures and why.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Both of them had said that the politicians screaming about this have no idea about who is actually having these procedures and why.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
57
It may have been the right choice for Ms. Isaksen, but at least she had a choice.
19
No abortion is easy.
We now have the technology to diagnose medical problems within the womb.
Thus parents may decide to end the life of their baby to spare them a life
of suffering outside the womb.
If a babes life is to be ended in the womb, can we at least not allow the
child to be partially born and then have its brain sucked out
as it kicks and struggles against the piercing of its skull.
We now have the technology to diagnose medical problems within the womb.
Thus parents may decide to end the life of their baby to spare them a life
of suffering outside the womb.
If a babes life is to be ended in the womb, can we at least not allow the
child to be partially born and then have its brain sucked out
as it kicks and struggles against the piercing of its skull.
4
I don't think you know what you are talking about. Are you an ob-gyn? Scare talk and propaganda are not a good response to a woman's heart-wrenching decision in difficult circumstances.
9
What method would you prefer?
3
No such thing, but not surprising coming from someone who has no idea about medicine.
2
Many thanks for sharing your story, and my condolences for your loss.
While I'm strongly in the pro-choice camp, though, it seems ingenuous of the Times to label your situation a "late-term" abortion. Late-term to me, and i'd bet to most other Americans, is 30 weeks plus, when the fetus is clearly viable.
As much as I disagree with Trump on so many things, I think he's right on this issue, even as clumsily as he expressed it last night.
While I'm strongly in the pro-choice camp, though, it seems ingenuous of the Times to label your situation a "late-term" abortion. Late-term to me, and i'd bet to most other Americans, is 30 weeks plus, when the fetus is clearly viable.
As much as I disagree with Trump on so many things, I think he's right on this issue, even as clumsily as he expressed it last night.
3
Thank you so much for standing up to coward, ugly politicians who want to usurp the right of women to choose whether to have an abortion or not, based on her own faith. In need to double down our efforts to take back the Supreme Court to protect human rights in American and that includes freedom of religion.
21
My personal experience with the issue of late abortion concerns someone dear to me with a desperately-wanted pregnancy who discovered, at the 20 week ultrasound, that the baby was "anacephalic," basically lacking a brain. The doctors said it was likely the baby would die in the uterus; if delivered, the baby would not live more than two hours after birth. She and her husband decided to continue the pregnancy and pray for a miracle. The pregnancy went to term and the baby lived a little less than an hour after the birth. This was what she chose, but not all women and families would make the same decision--and I could not fault them.
527
Kerry McGinn, your comment is the other side of the story. Some women will continue the pregnancy and hope for a miracle. A few will get that miracle. They should be supported as well. It's not our job to condemn their decisions if we are their friends and care about them. It's our job as friends to listen, to care, and help them through a very difficult decision and time in their lives. Being a parent is not an easy job. Nor is deciding to have an abortion or hope for a miracle. Hearts are broken either way. What's important is the love and support we can give as friends, spouses, parents, or just acquaintences.
10
My experience is similar. My first child, much wanted and anticipated, was diagnosed with this lack of brain at 20 weeks. Our grief at this news was intense, but the decision was clear. I am so grateful for the support from my family and friends. They helped us move past this sad experience. The next year, we had a healthy boy. He has grown into a wonderful, loving, bright man. I think about his sister sometimes, no shame or guilt, just a soft sadness for my lost daughter.
29
It's between the doctor(s) and the mother.
Got it?
Even the husband comes in only as a third.
Got it?
Got it?
Even the husband comes in only as a third.
Got it?
27
By that standard....you've given the DOCTOR a heck of a lot of power. What if the doctor says "no, I won't do an abortion on a healthy normal fetus at 5 months gestation"?
Even Roe v. Wade sets LIMITS on how late you can abort, and what is required at each stage.
By your words, you have basically agreed with Trump -- that women should be able to abort right up until the day before a normal delivery at 39 weeks.
Even Roe v. Wade sets LIMITS on how late you can abort, and what is required at each stage.
By your words, you have basically agreed with Trump -- that women should be able to abort right up until the day before a normal delivery at 39 weeks.
1
Re: Citizen
So you actually believe that women just decide at 5 months gestation i.e. in the 2nd trimester, after all the morning sickness is over) to just go out and abort a HEALTHY normal fetus?
And you write this comment in an article about a women who underwent the pain of aborting a fetus that was going to be born without an aorta and half of it's heart?
Wow... I feel sorry for you. You lived your whole life without understanding a thing about women.
So you actually believe that women just decide at 5 months gestation i.e. in the 2nd trimester, after all the morning sickness is over) to just go out and abort a HEALTHY normal fetus?
And you write this comment in an article about a women who underwent the pain of aborting a fetus that was going to be born without an aorta and half of it's heart?
Wow... I feel sorry for you. You lived your whole life without understanding a thing about women.
8
What a load of hogwash. That isn't what was said, or implied, or agreed to AT ALL.
2
I am so sorry. My 18 year old grandson is named Lev, the Hebrew word for heart.
7
Thank you for sharing your story and the anguish you two went through in making the decision. Mourning and remembering the pain is not the same thing as regret for having ended the pregnancy. It was a decision you had to make to spare him suffering. It is a decision only the people involved can make, not the politicians.
You held him under your heart for 5 months and you two had many hopes and dreams for your family's future, different from memories, and sometimes harder to let go of. I wish you and your family peace and only good things in the new year.
You held him under your heart for 5 months and you two had many hopes and dreams for your family's future, different from memories, and sometimes harder to let go of. I wish you and your family peace and only good things in the new year.
18
How heroic of you to share this sorrowful story and an event that will forever inform your life. I was so confused by donald trump's statement about abortion because my son was a planned c-section, 'ripped out of my womb' during my 38th week of the pregnancy because i would have been unable to have delivered him vaginally. That same baby is now a fabulous young man who respects all people, including women, and embraces diversity. Hardly an abortion.
26
I assume your son was taken out of your womb all in one piece, and 38 weeks is a full term gestation.
BTW: I was a C-section baby too. My mother was very ill when she was pregnant, and advised to have a therapeutic abortion (and this was 1955, folks, so it was legal EVEN BACK THEN), but she refused.
An abortion at 21 weeks is not a full term delivery. The fetus has its head crushed, and the body cut into sections, so it can be removed piece by piece from the womb.
BTW: I was a C-section baby too. My mother was very ill when she was pregnant, and advised to have a therapeutic abortion (and this was 1955, folks, so it was legal EVEN BACK THEN), but she refused.
An abortion at 21 weeks is not a full term delivery. The fetus has its head crushed, and the body cut into sections, so it can be removed piece by piece from the womb.
1
And you know that this is the procedure every time exactly how?
Oh, that's right, you don't. You are just spewing myths. Again.
Oh, that's right, you don't. You are just spewing myths. Again.
2
So sorry for your loss.
11
I was appalled by Trump's crude and unfeeling words about late term abortion. I couldn't believe that he used the expression "ripped the baby" out of the womb.
He lacks medical knowledge and expertise. Moreover, he is denigrating the mother's decision to abort or not. He is not an ADVOCATE of women's rights nor does he respect them. This is just another example of his power that he has used throughout his career, three marriages, and illicit affairs.
He lacks medical knowledge and expertise. Moreover, he is denigrating the mother's decision to abort or not. He is not an ADVOCATE of women's rights nor does he respect them. This is just another example of his power that he has used throughout his career, three marriages, and illicit affairs.
48
Yes, it is violent language like so much else he has said that is violent.
And I will bet my bottom dollar that he has paid for multiple abortions for the many women with whom he's been said to have had sexual relations (with or without their consent).
And I will bet my bottom dollar that he has paid for multiple abortions for the many women with whom he's been said to have had sexual relations (with or without their consent).
5
DJT has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. By definition, he is incapable of empathy. I believe he said those statements simply to get votes.
Sad. A very dangerous person to ever become President. But, he won't be.
Sad. A very dangerous person to ever become President. But, he won't be.
6
I would not be surprised to learn that trump has never been present at a birth besides his own.
3
brave to share. so sorry for your loss. god bless.
12
The idea that this type of decision is for anyone else except the principal with the support of her friends and family is just absurd and wrong. The fact that psychopaths like Trump are here to make political hay out of personal decisions - is evil.
23
What a heartbreaking story. How very brave you are to share it.
Nature is, happily, redundant. Nature doesn't intend for every egg to be fertilized, nor (certainly!) for every sperm to find a target. There are many pregnancies that end in resorption, non-attachment, implantation in a fallopian tube, some sort of genetic misadventure, some sort of accidental insult, who knows what. As hard and disappointing as it is to confront any of these, I think it's important to realize that in the scheme of things a mom and dad who make the decision to terminate a pregnancy like this one are making a painful but also well-considered and thoughtful choice.
With 7 billion people on the planet today, and a forecasted 10 billion by 2060 (according to the conservative Brookings Institute), it's clear that the human race faces no risk at dying out. We have medical technology that can enable infertile couples to conceive, and nonviable pregnancies to be detected. Let's embrace that as progress, and help our fellow humans feel OK about their choices. Kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness are what make us human -- not some doctrinaire position.
Nature is, happily, redundant. Nature doesn't intend for every egg to be fertilized, nor (certainly!) for every sperm to find a target. There are many pregnancies that end in resorption, non-attachment, implantation in a fallopian tube, some sort of genetic misadventure, some sort of accidental insult, who knows what. As hard and disappointing as it is to confront any of these, I think it's important to realize that in the scheme of things a mom and dad who make the decision to terminate a pregnancy like this one are making a painful but also well-considered and thoughtful choice.
With 7 billion people on the planet today, and a forecasted 10 billion by 2060 (according to the conservative Brookings Institute), it's clear that the human race faces no risk at dying out. We have medical technology that can enable infertile couples to conceive, and nonviable pregnancies to be detected. Let's embrace that as progress, and help our fellow humans feel OK about their choices. Kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness are what make us human -- not some doctrinaire position.
671
What a good argument.
Let me provide the counter. How many people need to exist for murder to be ok?
Let me provide the counter. How many people need to exist for murder to be ok?
Bravo, well said.
Thank you for providing a personal counter-point to the heinously callous description of late-term cases offered by Trump last night. The way he characterized late-term abortion is just plain misogynist. That point of view, that we need to be afraid that the deepest desire of pregnant women just waiting to be legalized is to kill nine-month fetuses the day before a healthy birth, bespeaks a downright medieval view of women. The truth is so much more complex, usually heartbreaking, and shot through with deeply ethical reckonings and decisions having to do with securing life and health.
30
Interesting. I'm confused, though. When do we throw in the towel? Don't we do heart surgeries all the time in this country?
Tough call. Thanks for sharing, although I disagree. I guess it's better for him to be 'aborted' than to be tortured with a non consentual circumcision.
But of course you'll jump all over that on 'religious' grounds, but then frown when 'religion' is used to defend against what you did.
Tough call. Thanks for sharing, although I disagree. I guess it's better for him to be 'aborted' than to be tortured with a non consentual circumcision.
But of course you'll jump all over that on 'religious' grounds, but then frown when 'religion' is used to defend against what you did.
3
What makes you think Ms. Isaksen's family might not have consulted with doctors to find out whether there were surgeries for babies born without half of a heart and without an aorta?
3
Transplantation is an *entirely* different kettle of fish from most cardiac surgeries, in terms of risk, complexity, availability of donor hearts, and health consequences (e.g., lifelong immunosuppression).
And, in this case, it sounds like doctors felt that there was a good chance that he wouldn't live long enough for that (and would suffer horribly).
And, in this case, it sounds like doctors felt that there was a good chance that he wouldn't live long enough for that (and would suffer horribly).
3
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story with such honesty and clarity. It was incredibly brave of you to write this knowing that judgement would likely rain down on you. By sharing deeply personal stories, we are reminded that each of us is human, deserving of the empathy and kindness we wish for ourselves. Bravo, Ms. Isaksen!
21
I am so sorry for your loss, and grateful for your courage in telling your story. No one outside the circle of family, doctors and counselors (including religious) should have a say about how people facing such heartbreak make these decisions.
20
The problem is your theory ignores the possibility that people will make these decisions, and NOT ALWAYS in the case of a hopeless deformity that results in pain or death.
How about the people who find out the child has Down's syndrome? or a correctable medical condition? but they just don't WANT a baby with any problems?
Which conditions apply, and which do not? How about if the baby will be born blind or deaf, but otherwise healthy? How about people who want a boy, but find out they have a girl? (MILLIONS of abortions are done world-wide for this reason!)
How about the woman pregnant with twins or triplets or more -- who does selective reductions on healthy, normal fetuses?
What about when sophisticated new genetic information let's us tell which baby will be smart -- or stupid -- which baby will be pretty -- or homely? which one will grow up to be morbidly obese, vs. slender?
How about the people who find out the child has Down's syndrome? or a correctable medical condition? but they just don't WANT a baby with any problems?
Which conditions apply, and which do not? How about if the baby will be born blind or deaf, but otherwise healthy? How about people who want a boy, but find out they have a girl? (MILLIONS of abortions are done world-wide for this reason!)
How about the woman pregnant with twins or triplets or more -- who does selective reductions on healthy, normal fetuses?
What about when sophisticated new genetic information let's us tell which baby will be smart -- or stupid -- which baby will be pretty -- or homely? which one will grow up to be morbidly obese, vs. slender?
1
In every last one of the what-ifs you postulate, the decision is still up to the woman and those individuals whom she wants to consult. And none of those individuals should EVER be politicians or zealots.
5
The most difficult of decisions, weighing life against life.
A woman, her doctor, her spiritual advisor, her family...
should make that decision. Not government.
It's far too difficult, too painful, too personal, to be
left to institutional rule.
That you have named him, gives Lev life in a way that mere birth could not.
Shalom.
A woman, her doctor, her spiritual advisor, her family...
should make that decision. Not government.
It's far too difficult, too painful, too personal, to be
left to institutional rule.
That you have named him, gives Lev life in a way that mere birth could not.
Shalom.
805
Thank you for sharing your story. May Lev's memory be a blessing.
19
Dear Prof. Isaksen,
Thank you for speaking out on such a painful and deeply private subject. There are so many lies uttered about pregnancy that hearing first hand experience becomes so important for our civil society. I wish you and your family nothing but happiness for the future, but fear you that you will now be the subject for abuse from the haters and zealots out there. They don't speak for people like me. Your courage humbles me.
Thank you for speaking out on such a painful and deeply private subject. There are so many lies uttered about pregnancy that hearing first hand experience becomes so important for our civil society. I wish you and your family nothing but happiness for the future, but fear you that you will now be the subject for abuse from the haters and zealots out there. They don't speak for people like me. Your courage humbles me.
23
Thank you for writing about this. I am so sorry and I'm grateful to you for making the effort to talk about why you made the choice you did.
12
Thank you for sharing your experience. My heart goes out to you and your family. Too often this issue is summed up in quips and disturbing memes that wreak of self-righteousness and condescension. Your story shows how love, compassion and grief are the bigger issue and how important safe and legal abortion is to not only women but to loving families.
899
Thank you for sharing your story, Meredith. You must know the criticism sure to come your way. But you should also know that we, too, are here, in our numbers, to support you and other women in this decision.
23
Yes, Takeshi, and WE must pass the Equal Rights Amendment to OUR United States Constitution that says, "No law shall be passed in America based on gender discrimination." NO law. This power seeking nonsense by the radical religious right must stop.
5
Our daughter was born with a small hole in her heart, which closed a few months after birth. That is a tiny thing compared to the horror of these parents, told their baby had half a heart, no aorta, and no hope.
Yet I can still feel the shock of hearing there is a problem with this baby we want so badly. It can't happen to us suddenly becomes it has happened. The far greater shock would have been sickening.
I am glad the author had all of that support in her moment of pain.
That highlights that in such a best case situation, she is not carrying that baby just for herself. It is not just in her. She is doing it for her family, together. They help and support her. Love helps, and there is a lot of practical help.
If suddenly there are horrible decisions to make, then it is good and right that they all stand by her and help her, comfort her, give moral support.
And yes, they have a part in that decision. It is not just about her. That is part of the comfort for her, as they can and did share.
Not every woman will have all of that support available. It is even harder for her if she does not have anyone with whom to share the burden. If it really has come down to just her, she is already in a bad spot, now made so much worse with un-shared pain, suffered alone.
It takes nothing from a woman's rights to say that she should not be alone, that we hope she does have others to be part of it with her.
The baby may be in her, but if she is fortunate, she is not doing it alone.
Yet I can still feel the shock of hearing there is a problem with this baby we want so badly. It can't happen to us suddenly becomes it has happened. The far greater shock would have been sickening.
I am glad the author had all of that support in her moment of pain.
That highlights that in such a best case situation, she is not carrying that baby just for herself. It is not just in her. She is doing it for her family, together. They help and support her. Love helps, and there is a lot of practical help.
If suddenly there are horrible decisions to make, then it is good and right that they all stand by her and help her, comfort her, give moral support.
And yes, they have a part in that decision. It is not just about her. That is part of the comfort for her, as they can and did share.
Not every woman will have all of that support available. It is even harder for her if she does not have anyone with whom to share the burden. If it really has come down to just her, she is already in a bad spot, now made so much worse with un-shared pain, suffered alone.
It takes nothing from a woman's rights to say that she should not be alone, that we hope she does have others to be part of it with her.
The baby may be in her, but if she is fortunate, she is not doing it alone.
30
My heart goes out to you and your family -- thank you for helping more of us understand.
246
Thank you for this personal essay on a very difficult subject. It is important that these stories are told so that the general public can better understand the devastating choices that women have to make, but also so that the public realizes the importance of continued access. No one takes abortion lightly, yet it is an important procedure for women's health.
596
According to Mother Jones, there are 4 doctors in the US who provide third semester abortions. As the liberal magazine notes,
The process of third-trimester abortion is especially wrenching. The practitioners must euthanize the fetus in utero by injecting a drug into its heart, and then induce labor so the woman can deliver a stillborn child. Some families hold funerals, saying hello and goodbye to their baby in the same devastating moment. In the film, one couple takes home tiny hand and foot prints.
The process of third-trimester abortion is especially wrenching. The practitioners must euthanize the fetus in utero by injecting a drug into its heart, and then induce labor so the woman can deliver a stillborn child. Some families hold funerals, saying hello and goodbye to their baby in the same devastating moment. In the film, one couple takes home tiny hand and foot prints.
5
@Michjas: So what's your point?
5
The writer factored in the interests of her husband and the baby. I have been involved in two similar abortions making similar considerations. In the debate, when Clinton, talked about abortion she talked about family consultations. That's all I ask for. When women say that abortions are just about their bodies, that angers me. The father, the family, and the baby are all affected and women who believe that they don't have to consult anyone else ignore the important role of joint family consultation. When a husband is wanting a kid badly, a unilateral decision by the mother is very selfish.
48
But it is the woman who has to carry the fetus. Pregnancy puts enormous physical and emotional strains on a woman, something that is impossible to describe until you go through it. While the emotional strains are difficult to quantify, the physiological changes are very obvious - even after a baby is born.
To disallow the woman's decision as most important is to relegate women to incubator status.
To disallow the woman's decision as most important is to relegate women to incubator status.
766
I'm trying to understand what you're saying here. Is it that the man should have a veto over a woman's choice to terminate a pregnancy? I mean, if the husband "is wanting a kid badly" and the woman doesn't want one, what are you saying should happen? Force the woman to bring the pregnancy to term?
440
My main problem is the slogan -- that women's bodies are the only thing that counts. I don't disagree with you but but I find the slogan offensive.
4
Thanks so much for the courage and compassion you demonstrated in explaining the reasons for your deeply personal decision, one that should not be intruded upon my any governmental body.
870
I am unsure how an aborted person can teach one to be courageous and compassionate and to be "a better wife, daughter, and friend." It sounds contrived and cliched. Wouldn't those qualities be formed from the struggles associated with caring for a special needs child? I believe the courageous and compassionate would have been to roll with the punch; maybe a Steven Hawkins. I see convenience and excuses. Sorry.
I believe in a woman's right to choose but after reading this I think I support late term abortions only if the woman's health is endangered.
I believe in a woman's right to choose but after reading this I think I support late term abortions only if the woman's health is endangered.
4
Thank you for this deeply personal essay and tribute to your child which is achingly beautiful and poignant. This so clearly demonstrates the dignity with which parents make such decisions and the importance of government protecting their privacy.
13
LE--what an insufferable, cruel thing to say. You would sentence the child and his parents to lifetime pain and agony--a burden that cracks more people than it helps. How many families do you know that could afford the most basic of neccessary medical care? And what right do you have to say what makes someone a better woman? Would you take on this struggle or do you feel all you're capable of is telling parents in this situation to be chipper and suck it up?
53
Every woman must do what is RIGHT for her.
This is MY BODY and no one, no matter what their religion or political views are, has any right to tell me what to do!
To remove a woman's right to control her body/ birthing functions is the American CHRISTIANS VERSION OF SHARIA LAW!!
It is time ALL CHRISTIANS know that they do not ***control or enslave humans*** to conform to their view points and their twisted interpretation of the bible.