This election has made me laugh and cry at the same time. I know democracy is difficult and citizens have to take responsibility and accept periods of turmoil, but this election has proved to the rest of the world that our system is no longer worthy of respect and admiration. Any country that can nominate Donnie Trump and take his candidacy, let alone his qualifications to run a country, seriously really needs to take stock of itself - - - political therapy for all. As sick as I feel about him, I must commend the Times for its excellent writing, essays, editorials; they give me hope because they prove there is still some sanity left in the USA. Thanks NY Times!
38
I am not going to watch the debate tonight. There is a hockey game on. Hockey will probably be less violent and more subtle than the debate.
31
Dear Frank, did you miss the New Yorker cover of 10 October with a Trump-like man/woman parading down the catwalk at a beauty contest? She apparently has not won the contest, but has been elected "Miss Congeniality." She is not wearing a bikini, but the one-piece is bad enough.
10
Fun, fun. And Trump deserves the mockery ten times again.
There still seems to be a lot of support for him though, and mocking does nothing to address that. Rather, it hardens attitudes on both sides.
I would suggest that Mr. Trump's recent troubles have nothing at all to do with his being a liar or a hypocrite, a bigot or xenophobe. These character traits are well established, long forgiven, overlooked or rationalized away by voters who are sincere in their wish to take a hammer to what they see as a corrupt political system.
Trump's real troubles have only caught up with him as video and audio evidence has finally surfaced. Looped into the television news cycle, this form of evidence made it safe for television personalities to take a stand. The most damning of all his many transgressions (and who can count them at this point?) was the tape of him boasting about assaulting women. As Karl Rove always said, it's better to attack an opponent's strength rather than his weakness. This tape undermines him not because it shows him to be crude or lecherous, but it shows him as weak—a stalking predator.
I don't think that pointing out his weaknesses serves tp do much beyond preaching to the choir.
There still seems to be a lot of support for him though, and mocking does nothing to address that. Rather, it hardens attitudes on both sides.
I would suggest that Mr. Trump's recent troubles have nothing at all to do with his being a liar or a hypocrite, a bigot or xenophobe. These character traits are well established, long forgiven, overlooked or rationalized away by voters who are sincere in their wish to take a hammer to what they see as a corrupt political system.
Trump's real troubles have only caught up with him as video and audio evidence has finally surfaced. Looped into the television news cycle, this form of evidence made it safe for television personalities to take a stand. The most damning of all his many transgressions (and who can count them at this point?) was the tape of him boasting about assaulting women. As Karl Rove always said, it's better to attack an opponent's strength rather than his weakness. This tape undermines him not because it shows him to be crude or lecherous, but it shows him as weak—a stalking predator.
I don't think that pointing out his weaknesses serves tp do much beyond preaching to the choir.
9
Forget trying to analyze Trump's personality. His persona defies the International Classification of Diseases (ICD10-CM) for personality disorders. He is a an ailment all of his own!
19
How and when facts become available to anyone is vital. Those of living on the east coast and reading about Trump for several decades were pretty well informed about what was inside his $1,000 suit. We knew he chased women constantly from his three marriages, his rancorous divorces and his endless bragging about his "conquests". We knew he nearly lost everything when the Atlantic City casino business went belly-up, we knew he was forced to sell his yacht and put on a 450 thousand dollar monthly living "allowance". We knew he put his name on apparent frauds, like Trump (non) University.
For the rest of the country, Trump was known mainly as a television "star" and, from his boasting, a highly successful business guy. For voters who are not concerned about the viability of the presidency, questioning Obama's place of birth was extra cool. They never wanted him, so anything that might bring him down was celebrated, even if it was nothing more than a wild, Internet propagated rumor. This is the downside of mass democracy: you can try to get what you want without regard for what happens next and the damage you might do. The "wisdom" of the voting public is far from flawless and carries considerable risks.
When so much negative information about Trump was finally reported, the news might as well have been in Chinese for many. They were set and their minds were closed to counter balance. They were looking for confirmation. The mind can be closed more forcefully than a bank safe.
For the rest of the country, Trump was known mainly as a television "star" and, from his boasting, a highly successful business guy. For voters who are not concerned about the viability of the presidency, questioning Obama's place of birth was extra cool. They never wanted him, so anything that might bring him down was celebrated, even if it was nothing more than a wild, Internet propagated rumor. This is the downside of mass democracy: you can try to get what you want without regard for what happens next and the damage you might do. The "wisdom" of the voting public is far from flawless and carries considerable risks.
When so much negative information about Trump was finally reported, the news might as well have been in Chinese for many. They were set and their minds were closed to counter balance. They were looking for confirmation. The mind can be closed more forcefully than a bank safe.
43
The great Mel Brooks, when discussing why he made The Producers, explained that one of the most effective ways to disarm and counteract evil is to mock it, make it small and silly. Evil should never be ignored but especially in this case should be seen for the ridiculousness it is.
Thanks, Frank, for following in the great comic/satiric tradition of Mel Brooks in helping show Trump to be the outlandish clown he is.
Thanks, Frank, for following in the great comic/satiric tradition of Mel Brooks in helping show Trump to be the outlandish clown he is.
32
I have no fear of what Trump will do or say at the debate. He is clearly out of his mind. What worries me is how the reporters (including the NYT) live blogging the first two debates normalized his abnormal behavior at first, until it became clear online that people actually had seen the interrupting, the stalking, etc., and they were forced to admit that it was no contest- that Clinton's "reticence" in the 2nd debate was the response of a normal person confronted with abnormal behavior. These reporters are very detached from reality, IMO.
16
Many of us wonder, apprehensively, about the support for DT in the polls. It causes us to doubt the intellectual and moral trajectory of our country. But then we read a brilliantly funny op-ed column like this one. And then we click on the readers' comments section. There (here, in fact) we find so many, many bright, amusing, informed, cuttingly delightful remarks, we laugh out loud and start to think things aren't as bad as we imagined. There are so many good, thoughtful, worldly-wise and witty people here, all around us and across the country, we can't help but get it right in the end.
Here's hoping . . . and thanks for brightening my day!
Here's hoping . . . and thanks for brightening my day!
31
Looks like you have a lot of pent up anger and frustration. How will you manage that if and when Trump is elected? Most of the US is neither for Trump nor Hillary, but it is just so interesting how the NY Times is so unabashedly behind a candidate in Hillary who clearly has just as many if not more flaws than Trump. But these flaws (personal and legal) are either ignored or not reported by the NY Times. I can only shake my head in bewilderment.
2
Frank, you gave Gail a run for her money with this piece.
18
Such a good piece of writing!!!
14
Thank you Frank... I needed a good laugh today.
26
Good Lord, did you have to put that image in my head?! Thanks a lot, Mr. Bruni....
7
Oh, oh, oh! The DRUG test, please! For BOTH of them. Do it today! Puhleeze! It's fun to see Donnie try to back up his flabby rear end.
5
Perhaps a bit more on the VISION TEST!
As he 'appraises' the looks of women as the barometer for his opinions ... he needs to take a long gaze at his own 'figure'. This guy is an overweight [by choice] 70 year old ... with fake yellow hair & orange face [when not red].
Not a pretty picture!
As he 'appraises' the looks of women as the barometer for his opinions ... he needs to take a long gaze at his own 'figure'. This guy is an overweight [by choice] 70 year old ... with fake yellow hair & orange face [when not red].
Not a pretty picture!
23
Regarding the lie detector. it only works if the subject knows he's lyong.
17
Thanks. I enjoyed reading this. I'm glad to see you're having fun. Keep up the good work.
6
Mr. Bruni is asking Ms. Clinton to match Mr. Trump's ridiculousness. Why not also ask Chris Wallace to pose these questions or ask for these tests in today's debate?
2
Are you sure you really want to persecute another man for his sexuality or based on what society defines as emotionally normal? Both Trump and Clinton are too old to care whether others think their affect is off.
Thank you! I needed a good laugh. This election cycle has not been very much fun.
7
Frank, you should have learned by now that nobody does tests better than Trump... And in the event he fails on a test, it would only be because it was rigged, or his #2 pencil wasn't sharp enough, or because the answer sheet was printed in Mexico.
The only test for Trump that matters at this point is the one on November 8. Let's make sure he flunks it badly!
The only test for Trump that matters at this point is the one on November 8. Let's make sure he flunks it badly!
30
"EKG There has been no evidence to date that he has a heart. Confirmation would be nice." A heart he may have, but a brain? It explains why he doesn't listen, why he doesn't see and why he doesn't think.
17
I bet he'd do fine on a lie detector test. The lie detector depends on stress from knowing you are lying and having conflict about it. I think he has no standard for lying vs truth and doesn't seem conflicted.
18
I would take any of them from Trump, but I'd also settle for a drug test.
4
Thank you, Frank. I applaud all journalists who have decided that trying to stay neutral is, in 2016, an immoral act. How many German citizens and leaders of other countries regretted that they did not speak up before Hitler--or any other megalomaniacal demagogue--came to power? We have the opportunity to do it now and a moral obligation. Thanks, Frank, for doing it in such entertaining terms. The knot in my stomach is not quite as tight as it has been for the past few weeks.
15
Actually, it might not be a bad idea if *every* candidate for Federal office had to pass the citizenship test as one of the qualifications for eligibility.
16
Assume drug-test challenge was a preemptive strike. Should Trump appear polite, kind and docile in this evening's debate there could be a suspicion of Valium, Adderall or the like. Without a drug test, we will never know. He has carte blanche to take whatever.
1
Sadly, I have encountered people like this buffoon. Men and women whose sense of entitlement stems from their race and their wealth. A rich donor to my college once began a conversation to a stranger by declaring, "I'm a Texan and you're not one." Because the other person had a non-European name and an unplaceable accent. Their narrow view of the world is mind-blowing. But it's not just ignorance. I know a financial analyst, well-educated and well-to-do, who rejects arguments he doesn't like by declaring it's the work of "experts" (inject sarcasm). Astounding!
5
Amusing yourself by snarking on Trump is a fairly innocent pastime (except for the requirement to use ugly words, and describe despicable behavior). However, this election is not at all funny. We are confronted with the reality that "Lucifer in the flesh" can still win this election, and those who support him will likely win control of the House of Representatives and may retain control of the Senate. (Sorry John Boehner for stealing your line, and also Ted Cruz for assigning Boehner's description of you to the man you now endorse for president despite the filth he heaped on you and your wife--and most everyone else.)
Many who support Trump claim to be good Christians even though there is no evidence that Trump supports any of the traditional Christian behaviors, and lives a lifestyle that is much more anti-Christ than Christ.
I am fact driven (do what works), so despair for a country where many of its citizens are for policies known to fail, and fail repeatedly. These same citizens vote for politicians who seem to feel that policies approved by and benefiting a few thousand people while making the lives of the remainder far worse are exactly the policies they want.
Snark is fun--but this election is very far from fun.
Many who support Trump claim to be good Christians even though there is no evidence that Trump supports any of the traditional Christian behaviors, and lives a lifestyle that is much more anti-Christ than Christ.
I am fact driven (do what works), so despair for a country where many of its citizens are for policies known to fail, and fail repeatedly. These same citizens vote for politicians who seem to feel that policies approved by and benefiting a few thousand people while making the lives of the remainder far worse are exactly the policies they want.
Snark is fun--but this election is very far from fun.
2
Donald Trump would fail all of these tests miserably except one: the lie detector test. The test doesn't measure the actual truth of a statement, it measures the speaker. Donald Trump is a shameless, malicious charlatan to whom truth is merely a word; I sincerely doubt he ever bothers to consider his statements as true or false. "Lies" are any statement that do not reflect glory on his almighty Trump-ness, and anything that happens to come out of his mouth is more than mere truth, it's wisdom delivered from on high. He believes this completely, so a lie detector would not be a useful tool; if anything, it would give him more credence in that that overcooked mind of his, and, worse, the minds of his supporters.
9
Material for laughter, no doubt, if it weren't true. Crooked lying Trump is as despicable as painted. This ugly frog is so full of himself, an empty sac otherwise, that as his puffing to become a bull becomes extreme, he'll explode in our face. His blows are so low, so crass, and so implausible, that we need a psychiatrist to explain them. He is the exaggerator out there, calling rigged an electoral system heretofore compliant with the rules, one of the most consistent liars in memory, trashing the women coming forth to denounce him as the misogynous-in-chief, a chronic sexual predator unrepentant of his deeds, unscrupulous to the end, a shameless thug trying to assault the presidency by declaring the elections rigged. What a fraud.
7
If you are a sensible and long time Republican, how do you explain to others that your nominee, a New York real estate mogul and recent reality TV star, secured your party's nomination over several admittedly more qualified candidates and has conducted one of the most boorish, ignorance-laden campaigns on the history of the United States?
This must say something about the state of politics today - anger-driven tirades, Clintonesque vitriol, an astonishing ignorance of civics..........
How does this ever end?
This must say something about the state of politics today - anger-driven tirades, Clintonesque vitriol, an astonishing ignorance of civics..........
How does this ever end?
9
Brilliant, Frank! Just when I thought there was nothing left to say about Trump, you prove me wrong. You've found the man's essence and skewered him. It's shameful that he's a major party's nominee for President.
20
This is the kind of silly, pointless elitist journalism that gives the NY Times a black eye. It's nonsense.
2
This is the kind of silly, pointless candidate that has given the US a black eye.
19
Dear John in Laramie:
Poor John, admit it. You're just angry and frustrated and beside yourself that Trump is headed for a breakdown after his meltdown. It's over, John, and you know it but refuse to admit it. Tonight's Round Three is just icing on the cake for Hillary. Good God, she's only a few points down in Texas of all places, and competitive in Arizona.
Along with California and New Mexico, those are the border states Trump is promising to build "The Wall". Imagine that. What The Donald has managed to do was energize Hispanics who are not "illegal", who can and will vote, and who are already early voting in those states. Yes, what is changing some Red states to Purple is The Man himself. Thanks Donald. You could not have been a greater ally to Hillary than the words you used the past year. By your words, you will be hoisted upon your own petard. Tonight is Must See TV for Hillary supporters. We are awaiting Hillary to deliver a Strike Three to Trump's campaign. He's outta here.
DD
Manhattan
Poor John, admit it. You're just angry and frustrated and beside yourself that Trump is headed for a breakdown after his meltdown. It's over, John, and you know it but refuse to admit it. Tonight's Round Three is just icing on the cake for Hillary. Good God, she's only a few points down in Texas of all places, and competitive in Arizona.
Along with California and New Mexico, those are the border states Trump is promising to build "The Wall". Imagine that. What The Donald has managed to do was energize Hispanics who are not "illegal", who can and will vote, and who are already early voting in those states. Yes, what is changing some Red states to Purple is The Man himself. Thanks Donald. You could not have been a greater ally to Hillary than the words you used the past year. By your words, you will be hoisted upon your own petard. Tonight is Must See TV for Hillary supporters. We are awaiting Hillary to deliver a Strike Three to Trump's campaign. He's outta here.
DD
Manhattan
13
Yeah, it's silly, satirical, whatever. Yeah. You know what's not funny? The "silly" things about Trump referred to in the article that are true. As in, the 'reference to a “bill” that several federal judges had “signed.”'
10
Funny and witty column, Mr. Bruni. If only we could test Trump supporters as well, half of whom think that racism is something you find at NASCAR events. It would have to be an oral test, though, since their hands are occupied with a beer can and a remote control switching between Faux news and 'wheel of fortune'. In the off chance Trump actually gets elected, the many campaign promises he'll break will give his supporters yet more reasons to be resentful. Wait... I take that back. They (and Trump) will blame it on the media.
17
Thanks for the humor with an edge, Mr. Bruni. Much appreciated!
3
You left out the Hare psychopath test. Definitely a high score. Believe me. It's astonishing!
4
One note on his "derisive appraisal of Clinton’s backside." Her jacket covered her posterior. It's a little lie, but a telling one, from the man who is already America's liar-in-chief.
7
As a Never Trump registered Republican, loved today's Trump in a Bikini column, but not sure the last test (lie detector) would work with a pathological liar. In the words of George Costanza,"It's not a lie if you believe it!"
16
Trump should just admit it: "I know all about bankruptcies and I'm full of bankrupt ideas for this country."
23
thanks for the laughs :)
now ... if only it was really funny!
now ... if only it was really funny!
5
This was wonderful ! I laughed instead of checking my blood pressure ! You forgot an EEG to try to find that minuscule pea .
3
Trump in a bikini brought these images to mind.
https://www.google.com/search?q=naked+sculptures+of+trump&client=saf...
https://www.google.com/search?q=naked+sculptures+of+trump&client=saf...
Great article!!
2
'..and I am not Jung...' Frank, that is a classic. You may not be Jung, but you are very cool anyway.
13
Give him anything but Open Book, Frank....
Jabba the Hut would look better in a bikini than donald trump!
5
Mr. Bruni, other commenters may have raised this point but if, not, I shall: “It’s an illegal immigrant disguised as a crustacean.”
Do you actually think Donald Trump knows what "a crustacean" is? Or how to spell it? Since when was he a reader? Or intellectually curious about other forms of life? Or...?
Do you actually think Donald Trump knows what "a crustacean" is? Or how to spell it? Since when was he a reader? Or intellectually curious about other forms of life? Or...?
5
Hello nyt.....I'm sick sick sick of constant constant pics of this face, over and over, why why why must every bruni column on trump and other columns and articles have these repeat pics of him every day? Is the times a picture book for children? ...the headline is enough---yes, we can read, and we don't need excessive illustrations in our faces day after day after....It's an insult to readers by now, who are only trying to read your paper!
3
I just thought of the show, "All in the Family," from back in the seventies. What a hoot! Poor, stupid, clueless Archie! And Edith? God bless her good, sweet, placating soul! Those WERE the days!! Well, it seems a fitting response, to quote a recently named Nobel Peace Prize winner, "The Times, They Are A-changing."
Trumpy hails from Queens, just like the character Archie did. Not sure what part of Queens Trumpy's from, but I would suggest a check of the current demographics of Astoria which tells a very different story today from what the area looked like 40 years ago. Oh, and, by the way, it's thriving with amazing restaurants and businesses due to the influx of a multitude of ethnicities.
Hey, Trumpy, you're sooo OVER!
Trumpy hails from Queens, just like the character Archie did. Not sure what part of Queens Trumpy's from, but I would suggest a check of the current demographics of Astoria which tells a very different story today from what the area looked like 40 years ago. Oh, and, by the way, it's thriving with amazing restaurants and businesses due to the influx of a multitude of ethnicities.
Hey, Trumpy, you're sooo OVER!
6
The Trump Test also should include his knowledge about nuclear weapons. For example: How many innocent people would be killed or permanently disabled if President Trump were to launch the smallest nuclear weapon in the US arsenal at ISIS? How would a nuclear attack affect US allies? Like Israel, Turkey and California.
4
The bikini image will get me through tonight's debate. Thank you, Mr. Bruni.
7
Hilarious and spot-on. Thank you.
4
You left out the most critical exam - the "Act in the Nation's Best Interests Test." He wouldn't have a clue what that even means. The "Emperor's Rights Test," that he'd pass with flying colors because the only question is "Who is entitled to be the country's undisputed leader?" and his answer is ... well, you know.
Your suggestion that Clinton counter his drug test idea with a citizenship test is actually a good one. I wish you hadn't under cut it with snarky jokes, though.
Why on earth would anyone expect Melania to be different than Don?
Just look at Don, I don't think so!
Why on earth would anyone think Don's followers are different than Don?
Simply laughable!
Just look at Don, I don't think so!
Why on earth would anyone think Don's followers are different than Don?
Simply laughable!
2
I think Clinton should definitely throw the Citizenship test at Trump the second he mentions a drug test. "Let's do both, Donald, right here, right now!" Have Dr. Oz and a citizenship tester on hand. I would love to see his face.
3
The only thing missing from this hilarious column is humor.
Excellent! However, I doubt trump knows the word "crustacean," or what it means. He would probably think it was someone from a South American country.
7
The very thought of the Donald in a bikini is a hoot. Not that he really needs a top, though at his age and size his superstructure might benefit from support.
What it brought immediately to mind, however, is the wonder pin-up posed chicken photo by Tom Cenicola from the Times back in 2011. I can't copy a link with this phone, so search for Tom Cenicola pinup chicken at the NYTimes website. It is on lens.blogs.nytimes for 9-28/2011. That gives the story of the photo shoot. It is priceless. Do take a look.
What it brought immediately to mind, however, is the wonder pin-up posed chicken photo by Tom Cenicola from the Times back in 2011. I can't copy a link with this phone, so search for Tom Cenicola pinup chicken at the NYTimes website. It is on lens.blogs.nytimes for 9-28/2011. That gives the story of the photo shoot. It is priceless. Do take a look.
That, Mr. Bruni, is the funniest opinion column I have ever read. Ever.
5
I think we should simply put him in a Speedo, standing up in front of two or 300 women, on camera, and have them all shout at him their impressions of his physique and mental capacity. What's good for the goose....
7
God, that was a good laugh. But this guy could flatline and be stuffed and his witless wonder fans would still vote for him. Talk about voter fraud.
9
It's difficult to ever run out of negative things to say about Trump. There just isn't 1 good thing to say about him. He is just despicable in every way. I wouldn't have him as a friend. I don't think he has any friends. How could anyone, even people from Missouri and Indiana, support this buffoon?
3
All I can think of at this late date is that It's autumn. Some people just like half-baked orange pumpkins.
1
Maybe i'll think this is funny later. right now, I am too hysterical to think it's all a joke. what are we going to do about 40 million people who thought it was just fine to vote for a racist tax dodger and sexual predator who knows nothing about government?
16
What an egregious example of bait and switch! The head promised Trump in a Bikini and delivered only a lighthearted romp through what we already know too well.
Maybe YOU want to see Trump in a bikini, but ICH!
3
A credibility test for Trumpolini and maybe for his supporters. They are the frightening ones.
6
In the spirit of full disclosure maybe Hillary should agree to a drug test if Trump will release his tax returns, including the ones for the years he's not under audit, since it's pretty hard to believe the IRS is auditing all of the last 15 years at the same time.
9
It's an ECG, Frank, but for the rest, A+. Furthermore, the people should begin to preemptively focus at post-nov 8. Who needs a civil war for a deplorable clown.
3
I've got to object to the ad hominem attacks. We don't further our cause by these kinds of snipes on Trump (about his hairspray and the like). Better to keep it focused on the issues. If we had all done that from the start, Trump would not have been front page news for the past 15 months.
1
I think Trump's complete lack of how our government works is an issue.
6
Lefty liberals specialize, most of all, in snark.
1
Thank you, Mr. Bruni.
It's such a relief to be able to laugh at the man an exasperated Robert DeNiro described as a bozo in a recently released video. Like many others whose comments have been published here and elsewhere, I've despaired at the prospect of what a Trump presidency could mean for our country, the world, the planet. Happily, the polls suggest that such a presidency is increasingly unlikely.
My hope is that, without abridging anyone's rights or silencing speech, our electoral system can be reformed to protect us from a time- and energy-wasting exercise such as the one to which Trump and his abettors have subjected us.
The last straw --- and no laughing matter --- is Trump's willingness to trash the institutions that are the foundation of our republic. For me, that transgression is on par with his casual attitude toward the proliferation of nuclear weapons.
Trump must never be allowed to assume the awesome power and responsibilities of the presidency.
It's such a relief to be able to laugh at the man an exasperated Robert DeNiro described as a bozo in a recently released video. Like many others whose comments have been published here and elsewhere, I've despaired at the prospect of what a Trump presidency could mean for our country, the world, the planet. Happily, the polls suggest that such a presidency is increasingly unlikely.
My hope is that, without abridging anyone's rights or silencing speech, our electoral system can be reformed to protect us from a time- and energy-wasting exercise such as the one to which Trump and his abettors have subjected us.
The last straw --- and no laughing matter --- is Trump's willingness to trash the institutions that are the foundation of our republic. For me, that transgression is on par with his casual attitude toward the proliferation of nuclear weapons.
Trump must never be allowed to assume the awesome power and responsibilities of the presidency.
2
Most everyone by now must recognize that trump is the ultimate "projectionist" - every failing or disorder or lapse of moral/common sense that he possesses is instantly projected onto his opponent. Hence, the "liar" accusations, the "criminal" accusations, and recently the "doped up" accusations where he projected onto Ms. Clinton the possibility of taking medication (of course, it is 'drugs' when projected onto her with all its negative connotations - it would be medication if he were shown to be taking something). So, let's take just one projection of his and actually apply it to Ms. Clinton - I now declare that his wish to become President is now projected in reality to her. The End.
2
Thanks for this column. I needed it with the third "debate" coming tonight. And, no, I will not be watching it. Just hearing that man's voice turns my stomach. When has he ever discussed any of his plans other than building "the wall" and replacing Justice Scalia with another rabid religious conservative.
Remember when JFK was running for President he had to promise that his Catholic faith would not dominate his political decisions? Now we have five of nine Supreme Court Justices who are Catholic and their religion definitely influences their decisions. Then there are the Evangelicals who want to bring in Christian Sharia Law to this country. I used to go to church quite regularly when the sermons were about being kind to others and "what would Jesus do?" But when the talk turned to judging others harshly rather than "hate the sin but love the sinner" and "do unto others" became denigrate other, I quit going. Jesus said "go into your closet and pray." With Trump and his minions on the scene I spend a lot more time in my closet.
Remember when JFK was running for President he had to promise that his Catholic faith would not dominate his political decisions? Now we have five of nine Supreme Court Justices who are Catholic and their religion definitely influences their decisions. Then there are the Evangelicals who want to bring in Christian Sharia Law to this country. I used to go to church quite regularly when the sermons were about being kind to others and "what would Jesus do?" But when the talk turned to judging others harshly rather than "hate the sin but love the sinner" and "do unto others" became denigrate other, I quit going. Jesus said "go into your closet and pray." With Trump and his minions on the scene I spend a lot more time in my closet.
1
So I guess JFK should have not been elected? "too Catholic"?
And there should be a religious litmus test, for being nominated to the Supreme Court? "No Catholics, no Evangelicals, no Orthodox Jews....nobody but Protestants and agnostics?"
You need to re-read the US Constitution. It is specifically prohibited to have a religious test for public office.
And there should be a religious litmus test, for being nominated to the Supreme Court? "No Catholics, no Evangelicals, no Orthodox Jews....nobody but Protestants and agnostics?"
You need to re-read the US Constitution. It is specifically prohibited to have a religious test for public office.
1
Any three of the above plus a drug test that would detect cocaine use.
1
Majority of Trump supporters cannot pass the citizenship test. Unfortunately, these people will vote.
2
The disheartening thing about the Trump candidacy is that he has any followers at all - yet he has many. Do not be under the illusion that his followers are all uneducated bigots. I work with many people with graduate degrees who support this maniac. I have even overheard some commenting about the "rigged" election. I will never be able to look at these people the same way again. I feel overwhelmed at the degree of hatred that has been stirred up in this country by one irresponsible, ignorant, criminal jerk that somehow got himself nominated to run for president. What a disgrace.
4
A person can be well educated and yet still lacking in wisdom and common sense.
2
I would add one test. Let's have a first grade teacher decide and score on a report card whether or not The Donald "Plays Well With Others."
6
See the New Yorker cover depicting the lovely Trump as a beauty pageant contestant. It's on various web sites.
Shows a lovely cartoon drawing of Trump walking off the runway in a swimsuit with a mascara-streaked face, wearing a sash dubbing him "Miss Congeniality." Doesn't look too congenial.
His thighs are awesome---may be attractive enuff for some lechers, but not others. Depends on one's taste.
Shows a lovely cartoon drawing of Trump walking off the runway in a swimsuit with a mascara-streaked face, wearing a sash dubbing him "Miss Congeniality." Doesn't look too congenial.
His thighs are awesome---may be attractive enuff for some lechers, but not others. Depends on one's taste.
1
Thank you for not including an actual rendering of Trump in a bikini in your article Frank. It's still breakfast time on the west coast.
I think a vote for Trump would be irresponsible because of what he's said, what he continues to say and, because he's The Donald for God's sake. But either way, the next few years are going to be a collosal mess.
The Republican party will be trying to figure out how to save itself, if it can. The president, Clinton or Trump, will have all the issues now in the works to deal with plus - brand new unforeseen problems to deal with in a hyper polarized political climate.
The Trump supporters have been emboldened and enabled. They will never accept a Clinton presidency. And it's hard to imagine the anti Trump voters ever warming up to him unless he morphs into something more palatable and reasonable.
So...what will the future bring?
I think a vote for Trump would be irresponsible because of what he's said, what he continues to say and, because he's The Donald for God's sake. But either way, the next few years are going to be a collosal mess.
The Republican party will be trying to figure out how to save itself, if it can. The president, Clinton or Trump, will have all the issues now in the works to deal with plus - brand new unforeseen problems to deal with in a hyper polarized political climate.
The Trump supporters have been emboldened and enabled. They will never accept a Clinton presidency. And it's hard to imagine the anti Trump voters ever warming up to him unless he morphs into something more palatable and reasonable.
So...what will the future bring?
3
Enjoyed the witticisms concerning his knowledge or lack thereof. There is plenty of material when it comes to his lack of understanding of the law, government, the constitution, foreign policy and relations, business acumen and honesty, as well as his racism, xenophobia and misogyny. But isn't deriding his appearance a little bit "Trumpish?"
4
What continues to mystify me is Trump's temerity in saying or suggesting that certain of his female victims and critics are ugly, overweight and otherwise unsightly. Has he looked into a mirror lately? If he did, he'd see an obese, physically and morally unattractive man whose ludicrous attempt to hide his unsightly bald head under some sort of material resembling orange cotton candy would make him a laughing stock anywhere but polite company.
If Trump possessed even a scintilla of honesty, he'd admit that women, including his three wives, are "attracted" to him for one reason only: his money. It's a sad but true fact of life that the wealth of a man or woman can blind a much more beautiful member of the opposite or same sex. Without his money Trump has nothing whatever but his porcine looks and behavior to induce a beautiful woman to marry him and/or put up with his unwanted groping.
Spoiled rich kids like Trump seem to have no need or reason to learn how to behave, much less to charm women. Nor does he feel the need to stay fit physically, as is evidenced by his drooping rear end, pot belly, and puffy jowls depicted in the debates. Put simply, Trump is a visible example of the proverbial pot calling the kettle black whenever he insults the looks of others.
If Trump possessed even a scintilla of honesty, he'd admit that women, including his three wives, are "attracted" to him for one reason only: his money. It's a sad but true fact of life that the wealth of a man or woman can blind a much more beautiful member of the opposite or same sex. Without his money Trump has nothing whatever but his porcine looks and behavior to induce a beautiful woman to marry him and/or put up with his unwanted groping.
Spoiled rich kids like Trump seem to have no need or reason to learn how to behave, much less to charm women. Nor does he feel the need to stay fit physically, as is evidenced by his drooping rear end, pot belly, and puffy jowls depicted in the debates. Put simply, Trump is a visible example of the proverbial pot calling the kettle black whenever he insults the looks of others.
8
The whole Trump family looks weird. They don't know how off-putting it is to see the modally outfits and faces (looking very vogue, very phony) all made up for political events. His hair, particularly its extreme blondness, his real hair is black or near that, or maybe even white, is also an upper class affectation and a modeling affectation, if you can call a corpulent old mess modally.
3
The King Predator and Con Don is disgusting enough in his expensive clothes. It makes me shudder to think of him without them or even partly unclothed. How did this creep become a media darling? Money - plain and simple. Just another example of why it's a sick barometer for humanity and society.
5
Great ideas for testing, Mr. Bruni, though I'd also toss in a geography quiz to make sure that The Donald can actually find the Middle East on a map (no, Mr. Trump, I'm not referring to Maryland and Delaware) and distinguish between Austria and Australia. And, more importantly, we might want to perform an IQ test or psychological evaluation on every one of our citizens who intends to elect a cartoon character to the highest office of government in the land.
20
I agree whole-heartedly! His symptoms suggest multiple psychological diagnoses according to the new DSM.
2
Whew! I almost quoted that Susan B Anthony thing on Facebook, until I took the trouble to Google it and realized you were joking. Telling that I would assume it was a real quote, eh?
2
A while back, during the breaking stories about the way that vile man was talking about assaulting women, denigrating them about their bodies, and reducing them to numbers, I wrote a very explicit comment describing what Trump would look like in a bikini and posited at the end that no matter how rich he got, he would never be a ten.
The comment did not get published. Granted, the picture I painted was not very attractive. I was trying to make a point and the fact that my comment was not published made my point, if not to anyone else, then to me.
Men are not used to having their physicality or lack thereof on display the way ours is. We get assessed on our looks, our bodies, sized up for suitability for all sorts of things - jobs, marriage, mating, and in that vile man's case, assaulting.
Everyone should undress this vile man in their imagination in all senses of the word undress. If more had done so at the outset, they might not have bought his flimsy cover and we wouldn't be saddled with him this late in a most dangerous game.
As for tonight, I shall see him stark naked. Try it. It helps.
The comment did not get published. Granted, the picture I painted was not very attractive. I was trying to make a point and the fact that my comment was not published made my point, if not to anyone else, then to me.
Men are not used to having their physicality or lack thereof on display the way ours is. We get assessed on our looks, our bodies, sized up for suitability for all sorts of things - jobs, marriage, mating, and in that vile man's case, assaulting.
Everyone should undress this vile man in their imagination in all senses of the word undress. If more had done so at the outset, they might not have bought his flimsy cover and we wouldn't be saddled with him this late in a most dangerous game.
As for tonight, I shall see him stark naked. Try it. It helps.
15
No, Frank. Trump needs to take a mental health test to disprove, as I and many mental health professionals claim, that he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The media (with few exceptions like Lawrence O'Donnell) has for too long given him a pass with code words like "temperament," and "unstable. Donald Trump clearly is all those, but much worse--he revels in grandiosity (the wall, "winner'), putting others down (Lyin' Ted, Pocahontas, and Crooked Hillary) and a total lack of empathy (the Gold Star Khan family) among other major symptoms of NPD. He's a sad, sick, mentally unsound man who should never have been allowed to get this close to the Oval Office.
28
Check out the " Hare test " for psychopathy, consisting if 15-20 "markers" or observations - the test used by psychiatrists to determine if someone is psychotic. A psychotic doesn't kill people, they just see all people as potential victims for his gain.
After a year's worth of tweets, interviews, debates and rallies, I'm convinced.
For example:
Consider whether the person cannot accept responsibility. A psychopath will never genuinely admit to being wrong or owning up to mistakes and errors in judgment. When pressed, they may admit to making a mistake, but manipulate others so as to avoid any consequences.
• Any accusations may be turned back on the accuser, to make the accuser believe that they are being cruel or unfair for making reasonable complaints. Victims may start second-guessing any issues they might want to raise.
OMG! Be well, Frank!
After a year's worth of tweets, interviews, debates and rallies, I'm convinced.
For example:
Consider whether the person cannot accept responsibility. A psychopath will never genuinely admit to being wrong or owning up to mistakes and errors in judgment. When pressed, they may admit to making a mistake, but manipulate others so as to avoid any consequences.
• Any accusations may be turned back on the accuser, to make the accuser believe that they are being cruel or unfair for making reasonable complaints. Victims may start second-guessing any issues they might want to raise.
OMG! Be well, Frank!
9
During debate, DT told Hillary to go first because "I'm a gentleman." How difficult was it for her not to shout "FACT CHECK!!"?
36
Trump in a bikini?
It's like looking directly into the sun for more than 2 seconds. It will blind you!
It's like looking directly into the sun for more than 2 seconds. It will blind you!
19
“It’s an illegal immigrant disguised as a crustacean.”
Crustacean? Frank, I know he fancies himself rich and has eaten many, but crustacean is a ten-dollar word I don't think Rump knows the meaning of or uses. Although, he has a crab-like face (my apologies to crabs), come to think about it.
Crustacean? Frank, I know he fancies himself rich and has eaten many, but crustacean is a ten-dollar word I don't think Rump knows the meaning of or uses. Although, he has a crab-like face (my apologies to crabs), come to think about it.
11
If you'd google "Blowfish," you would find that this is the sea creature Trump most closely resembles. And whose name, too, is fitting.
1
I'd add a test ... given his high impression of himself and his demands of what women should look like ... does Donald look good in a Speedo.
11
This column is a zinger! And a relief to read something that is not trying to teeter totter on false equivalencies. So many commenters, too, hit the nail on the head when they wonder at the sociopathy of Trump supporters.
11
Frank, I am laughing out loud this morning reading your column, on a day when I thought I would be too depressed about the dreadful prospects of tonight's debate to laugh about anything. Thank you.
11
Once again, Frank hits it out of the park. Capturing Donald in such rich satire makes for a great day. Anyone in need of a break need place this on their daily required list.
Now if we only could get tonight's moderators to draw from these leads a rather interesting exchange could ensue.
Now if we only could get tonight's moderators to draw from these leads a rather interesting exchange could ensue.
7
The Lie Detector Test during the debate would seem useful, but doesn't it require that the liar have some physiological response when telling a lie? I doubt a pathological liar would respond to such a test the way normal people do. Trump appears so comfortable telling obvious lie after obvious lie that I do not think the lie detector test would be reliable.
5
No fat, dirty old man near ANY bikinis.
2
Excellent suggestions Mr. Bruni! I really like the idea of requiring Trump to take the Citizenship Test all immigrants have to pass in order to become a citizen of this country. If the moderator from Fox News doesn't see fit to ask Trump some of the more salient questions from the test as it pertains to knowledge of the country and function of its government, maybe Clinton could slip a few in. He actually hasn't a clue what the three branches of government do. He seems to think that if he is elected President, he could use the government to carry out personal vendettas against those who have injured his fragile ego, like some kind of mafia Don dispensing with enemies at will. Has anyone dared tell Trump he can't actually fire Senators and Congressmen and women?
Thanks for the laugh today. I know I sorely needed it as we limp toward this last debate with aspirin at the ready for this final encounter between Darth Vader and Princess Leia. I am so exhausted from all the vulgar, xenophobic, misogynistic, racist rantings from Trump. I don't think I can take much more. Hopefully tonight (fingers crossed), Clinton will finally nail this down.
At last this election year from Hell is finally drawing to a close. I am cautiously optimistic that Clinton will be elected President, and Trump will be relegated to the trash bin of history of dangers avoided. If not, Canada is looking very attractive.
Thanks for the laugh today. I know I sorely needed it as we limp toward this last debate with aspirin at the ready for this final encounter between Darth Vader and Princess Leia. I am so exhausted from all the vulgar, xenophobic, misogynistic, racist rantings from Trump. I don't think I can take much more. Hopefully tonight (fingers crossed), Clinton will finally nail this down.
At last this election year from Hell is finally drawing to a close. I am cautiously optimistic that Clinton will be elected President, and Trump will be relegated to the trash bin of history of dangers avoided. If not, Canada is looking very attractive.
8
He acts cold blooded in his willingness to hurt other people - what is his body temperature?
4
Very funny! You made my day! Might I add, putting ALL politicians in bikinis seems like a good solution to end the posturing, polarization, and frequent deadlock in Congress. Now that's an image!
5
This is really funny, especially the comment about Susan B. Anthony. "I never touched her, I swear ..."
6
It won't be long before Americans won't have Trump to kick around any longer. Then they'll be stuck again with their own lives to suffer with.
Quell nightmare!
Quell nightmare!
3
Trump is a bigly disaster as an anything you care to name.
9
Personally, I feel that both the RNC and the DNC should implement a number of those suggested tests for all candidates for the presidency prior to the Iowa primary - and publish the results on the internet. I especially like the idea of a citizenship test, the MMPI (which I had to take before I was allowed to adopt an orphan), and the SAT (actually, I would prefer that they took the GMAT or the GRE).
11
You mean we should look at obese Trump and see why Frump is more appropriate. It doesn't matter how well tailored his clothes are, they can't hide all that fat.
He is still sniffing so a drug test might be appropriate.
He is still sniffing so a drug test might be appropriate.
15
I would take a strange pleasure in rounding up whoever is left of Ken Kesey's old Merry Pranksters, and seeing if he could pass the Acid Test. Now that I would watch.
It would truly be fascinating to watch Trump put flowers in his hair, strip down to his skivvies, and start twirling to music only he can hear.
It would truly be fascinating to watch Trump put flowers in his hair, strip down to his skivvies, and start twirling to music only he can hear.
2
"It would truly be fascinating to watch Trump put flowers in his hair, strip down to his skivvies, and start twirling to music only he can hear."
Twirling? Wasn't he doing that in the 2nd debate?
Twirling? Wasn't he doing that in the 2nd debate?
1
Trump in a bikini? I think what we have here is a clear vision of the GOP in the nude; a GOP without the curtain of lies, innuendo, and speculation that's traditionally used to promote what they believe is 'good for us' (mainly because it's good for them).
It's 'trickle down' governance, and 'honest Trump' has clearly shown us the value and color of that trickle.
We need change, but not the kind that's driven by hate, fear, greed, jealousy, and bigotry. We need the kind that's driven by the hard, aspirational work of 'going high', rather than the the easy work of 'tricking down'.
It's 'trickle down' governance, and 'honest Trump' has clearly shown us the value and color of that trickle.
We need change, but not the kind that's driven by hate, fear, greed, jealousy, and bigotry. We need the kind that's driven by the hard, aspirational work of 'going high', rather than the the easy work of 'tricking down'.
14
Seeing the headline I was horrified to think you would run a picture to match. Thank you, so much, for not showing one.
Fine satire, Frank, it's time to turn up the heat on this buffoon.
Fine satire, Frank, it's time to turn up the heat on this buffoon.
19
The cookie test.
Before about age six, children seated in front of a plate with one cookie on it have a hard time resisting the temptation to eat it immediately, even when they know waiting will earn them more cookies. Most kids eventually master this simple exercise in self-control. Turns out that mastery of the task (and especially early mastery) correlates strongly with lower criminality and higher achievement as an adult.
Would somebody please put a plate of cookies on each podium tonight? Inquiring minds want to know.
Before about age six, children seated in front of a plate with one cookie on it have a hard time resisting the temptation to eat it immediately, even when they know waiting will earn them more cookies. Most kids eventually master this simple exercise in self-control. Turns out that mastery of the task (and especially early mastery) correlates strongly with lower criminality and higher achievement as an adult.
Would somebody please put a plate of cookies on each podium tonight? Inquiring minds want to know.
6
Trump is so full of himself that he probably doesn’t realize that a majority of the electorate is thinking of him and his surreal candidacy in language that he might understand, “A total liar. Never happened. Look at him. He would not be either our first choice or even our last choice.”
Yes, this is the man who actually said that he “wants to give back to the country he loves so much.” He can begin by:
a) Paying federal income taxes for the past couple decades.
b) Paying all the small business contractors that he has stiffed.
c) Apologizing to all of the people he has publicly insulted, such as, African-Americans, the disabled, Hispanics, immigrants, military generals, Muslims, veterans, women, and et al.
d) Apologizing for and making amends to all of the victims of his lewd and lascivious conduct.
e) Apologizing to all of our NATO allies and other strategic partners that he so cavalierly dismissed as some sort of delinquent business transactions.
Then maybe, just maybe, he could qualify for a local municipal election in Queens?
Yes, this is the man who actually said that he “wants to give back to the country he loves so much.” He can begin by:
a) Paying federal income taxes for the past couple decades.
b) Paying all the small business contractors that he has stiffed.
c) Apologizing to all of the people he has publicly insulted, such as, African-Americans, the disabled, Hispanics, immigrants, military generals, Muslims, veterans, women, and et al.
d) Apologizing for and making amends to all of the victims of his lewd and lascivious conduct.
e) Apologizing to all of our NATO allies and other strategic partners that he so cavalierly dismissed as some sort of delinquent business transactions.
Then maybe, just maybe, he could qualify for a local municipal election in Queens?
15
Fine except why foist him on Queens?! What did Queens do to deserve this??
6
Why is Queens especially deserving of punishment?
5
"What did Queens do to deserve this??"
Well, they DID give him to us in the first place, so to speak.
Well, they DID give him to us in the first place, so to speak.
1
The test I want is a fMRI to see if we can light up any mirror neurons. These are cells that fire when we watch somebody else do something. They appear to be critical in our ability to learn from watching others as well as in the development of empathy. I have suspicions. (As a psychologist, I loved this piece.)
15
Is it not possible that some of these wealthy old, so called "chick magnets", like Trump or Ailes, would have to lift up their belly fat to reveal their "equipment "?
6
One quibble, Frank. You need a Ben Wiseman illustration.
2
More heterophobic drivel from Mr Bruni. All your homosexual admirers will be ecstatic.
2
If there's one word I'd never use to describe Donald Trump, it's "heterosexual." (Too close to "sexual," you see.)
So let's not accuse Mr. Bruni of heterophobia when this simply cannot be so in this case.
[Never mind that he doesn't deserve such a silly accusation ever.]
So let's not accuse Mr. Bruni of heterophobia when this simply cannot be so in this case.
[Never mind that he doesn't deserve such a silly accusation ever.]
2
"More heterophobic drivel from Mr Bruni. All your homosexual admirers will be ecstatic."
Thanks for utilizing brevity, when showing your true colors. It's much appreciated.
Thanks for utilizing brevity, when showing your true colors. It's much appreciated.
5
What amazes me, John Murray, of Midland Park, NJ, is that you would think that is a comment worth making, and that you would quite publicly expose yourself to abundant, well-deserved contempt and ridicule. "Sad"
6
"Choke"
For months you ruled the media
You seemed to do no wrong
Ratings, click-bait, in demand
A Trump karaoke sing-a-long
You had it all, it was yours to win
You appealed to ordinary folk
But you committed your worse crime of all
Donald Trump was the one to choke
You coughed it up
You dropped the ball
You're performing worse than Mitt
You gagged it up
You blew your chance
It was you who spit the bit
You had it all, it was yours to win
You appealed to ordinary folk
But you committed your worse crime of all
Donald Trump was the one to choke
For months you ruled the media
You seemed to do no wrong
Ratings, click-bait, in demand
A Trump karaoke sing-a-long
You had it all, it was yours to win
You appealed to ordinary folk
But you committed your worse crime of all
Donald Trump was the one to choke
You coughed it up
You dropped the ball
You're performing worse than Mitt
You gagged it up
You blew your chance
It was you who spit the bit
You had it all, it was yours to win
You appealed to ordinary folk
But you committed your worse crime of all
Donald Trump was the one to choke
2
"Trump in a Bikini" Oh no! I can't get that out of my head!
6
As a biology major in college, long, long ago, I have for years wondered if I could ever use the word neoteny in anything resembling a normal conversation. Neotony is the term used to describe circumstances in which juvenile forms are retained into adulthood. I thought it would be the perfect word to describe The Donald. However, when I looked it up to make sure I wouldn't be made fun of by my fellow NYT letter writers, I discovered that progenesis or pedogenesis are more appropriate. These words describe a similar situation, when juvenile forms are retained into adulthood (like larval traits in some adult salamanders) but sexual development occurs faster.
Now, I am not sure if anything said about this campaign can be considered normal conversation, but it is nice to have a new word - progenesis - to call upon and also to have the ideal circumstance to use it - when describing the most salamander-like person ever to run for the presidency of the United States. A slimier, more over-sexed candidate there never was.
Now, I am not sure if anything said about this campaign can be considered normal conversation, but it is nice to have a new word - progenesis - to call upon and also to have the ideal circumstance to use it - when describing the most salamander-like person ever to run for the presidency of the United States. A slimier, more over-sexed candidate there never was.
14
With his guesstimated IQ of 125ish, that I saw on the internet (wherever that is), I feel perfectly confident that life couldn't be nearly as bad as I fear.
Me and DJT believe in making-out with luck, the lady whom roams casinos and randomly decides to loosen the quasi terrific, artificially exciting, variable reinforcement of Skinner-Pavlov, electronic bandit machines-- by the way, that's 1-888-8888, my fellow addicts enjoying comped drinks.
They say there is a one in ten chance, then of course, trust pollsters, because of President Landon's, President Dewey's, President Dukakis' and President Romney's fate.
But isn't it true DJT risked a million or two on a Mike Tyson boxing match, or was it on the other guy?
Me and DJT believe in making-out with luck, the lady whom roams casinos and randomly decides to loosen the quasi terrific, artificially exciting, variable reinforcement of Skinner-Pavlov, electronic bandit machines-- by the way, that's 1-888-8888, my fellow addicts enjoying comped drinks.
They say there is a one in ten chance, then of course, trust pollsters, because of President Landon's, President Dewey's, President Dukakis' and President Romney's fate.
But isn't it true DJT risked a million or two on a Mike Tyson boxing match, or was it on the other guy?
I don't think we fully understand the depths to which Trump has descended. Just when he seems to have reached the bottom of the dung heap, he outdoes himself yet again. In a way we've become inured to this endless slope, and less and less shocked at each new nadir. Now with his rigged elections shtick and his call to his goons to haunt the polling places and threaten citizens, we just shrug our shoulders. Maybe this last debate will wake us up again to the full horror that is threatening our country and the world.
8
Perhaps a drug test 30 minutes into the debate? If DT is taking cocaine he can snort it 3 minutes before he goes on stage.
5
In reply to MJG in Boston.
Mr Trump suggests the drug test to establish if Secretary Clinton is taking L-dopa. L-dopa is the only drug effective in the treatment of Parkinson's disease.
Secretary Clinton's head bobbing seizures are not from Parkinson's but rather a side effect from long term use of L-dopa.
Mr Trump suggests the drug test to establish if Secretary Clinton is taking L-dopa. L-dopa is the only drug effective in the treatment of Parkinson's disease.
Secretary Clinton's head bobbing seizures are not from Parkinson's but rather a side effect from long term use of L-dopa.
2
So give HC an L-dopa test 30 minutes in and DT for coke 30 minutes in.
2
Trump in a bikini. How about the nude picture in Vanity Fair magazine
1
ewwwww.....thanks for putting a horrible image in my head, Frank Bruni.
5
Frank Bruni.....please stop this Tabloid trash journalism...
Go read Tom Friedman....today....and please....quit the trash news that
is NOT fit to print....or find another newspaper to work for...
Go read Tom Friedman....today....and please....quit the trash news that
is NOT fit to print....or find another newspaper to work for...
1
Wow, another NY Times article blasting Trump. I bet that column changed fewer than two minds.
What I would like to see from the NYT is information and analysis that gets to the root of the very obvious problem in our democracy: The two major party candidates are horrible and the unbending directive from our entire pundit/media class is that we must chose one of the two.
Both of these parties have king-makers who control great wealth and who are fully vested in the political status quo--you know, the constant feeding of a relentless war machine by confiscated wealth , mostly from the American middle class. So if you always have to choose a major party candidate, you will always vote to sustain that status quo, no matter how lesser the evil you opt for.
Frank, try writing a column about how change from the crony capitalism and militarism of the democrat and republican power brokers can happen when those power brokers choose the candidates and we have to vote for one of their selections.. Surely that would be more interesting than another article beating a dead horse about one of the pathetic characters running on a major party ticket.
What I would like to see from the NYT is information and analysis that gets to the root of the very obvious problem in our democracy: The two major party candidates are horrible and the unbending directive from our entire pundit/media class is that we must chose one of the two.
Both of these parties have king-makers who control great wealth and who are fully vested in the political status quo--you know, the constant feeding of a relentless war machine by confiscated wealth , mostly from the American middle class. So if you always have to choose a major party candidate, you will always vote to sustain that status quo, no matter how lesser the evil you opt for.
Frank, try writing a column about how change from the crony capitalism and militarism of the democrat and republican power brokers can happen when those power brokers choose the candidates and we have to vote for one of their selections.. Surely that would be more interesting than another article beating a dead horse about one of the pathetic characters running on a major party ticket.
1
But it is much more fun, and clearly delightful for the Loyal Faithful Lefty Readers, to simply engage in snark and name calling.
Four years ago, it was endless stuff about "the dog on the roof of the station wagon" (38 years previously!) of Mitt Romney. Nothing about issues or anything similar. Just "how can we ridicule the opposition"?
Much easier way to make a living as a columnist, than actually having to wonder "how'd we get to this place"?
Four years ago, it was endless stuff about "the dog on the roof of the station wagon" (38 years previously!) of Mitt Romney. Nothing about issues or anything similar. Just "how can we ridicule the opposition"?
Much easier way to make a living as a columnist, than actually having to wonder "how'd we get to this place"?
Will Rogers would have disagreed with you, concerned.
And to make someone a laughing stock is the historic way to beat him. Always. Worked with Romney, wonderfully. Will work with Trump, very satisfactorily.
And to make someone a laughing stock is the historic way to beat him. Always. Worked with Romney, wonderfully. Will work with Trump, very satisfactorily.
Unfortunately, Trump would pass a lie-detector test with flying colors. His narcissistic personality disorder enables him to truly believe what he's saying.
3
Mr. Bruni, you are unkind. Putting the image of Trump in a bikini in my mind will plague me all day. If I have a nervous breakdown from this, may I send you the bill for my care?
2
A world geography test for both Trump and Gary Johnson would be in order as well.
6
I wouldn't like that, atoll.
2
Hilarious! If it weren't the scary truth.
5
Frankly, frank, I think you're still Jung enough.
7
Thanks, Frank. I needed a bit of humor this morning in anticipation of tonight's debate. But the idea of Trump in ANY type of swimwear is NOT something I would enjoy seeing!
4
What fun! We all know that this clown couldn't pass any rational tests, so let's give him a chance with my new Multi-Parameter Prospective Dictator Score. He'd pass this one on all counts, as knowledge and experience are not counted; only attractiveness to a panel of angry, ill-informed subversive citizens. The panel can detect and rate only those views that are maximally destructive to law, morals, and the common good.
Trump would shine.
Trump would shine.
4
Thank you Frank! I really, really needed this belly laugh. Now I will set my fears aside. I will carry a photocopy of this column in my purse for prn resuscitation. Nov.8 me, myself & I will go vote with a very bigly smile on my face.
6
Trump should simply be asked to answer in public the same questions that all immigrants to this country applying for naturalization (think Mr. Khizr Khan and his family) are required to. Maybe his loathing of immigrants is really just envy about their knowledge on our constitution and government structure that he could never muster the interest or discipline to acquire.
11
In case no one has mentioned it, he would have a clean lie detector record. He believe the stuff he spews, at least at the moment he says it.
I wish Clinton would offer to submit to a full psychiatric evaluation and the MMPI, if Trump would do the same. And neither should get any coaching beforehand. While I presume Clinton's results would indicate some areas of concern to voters, Trump's would surely scare the pants off most of the world. I'd bet North Korea's Kim Jong-un might look saner than Trump.
4
On my. Yes, yes, yes, and yes!
2
Frank, you made my day. Thank you!
2
I won't miss anything about this election season but Frank, Trump has brought out the best in you. This column was one of the funniest ever. Your wicked humor is helping me get through these last excruciating weeks.
3
Frank, Gail should be jealous. Thanks for a good laugh and much amusement to start my day. Well done.
2
The only test needed for Donald is one for rabies, probably be positive.
2
Thank you. A few moments of humor certainly help in this depressing election!
1
Oil and Water.
Trump and facts.
Anger and logic.
Trump and facts.
Anger and logic.
3
Is there a Pulitzer prize for humor? If so, this column deserves it, however any recognition should acknowledge the readers' comments as well!
1
That's a joke right?
1
I would like to add a fourth pre debate test for both nominees....a psychiatric test. We know who would fail miserably.
2
Are we again to witness suspicious sniffles?. Yes, Hillary, do, please, agree to a drug test before the debate.
3
In addition to he EKG, may I also suggest an EEG -- to verify once and for all that he actually has NO brain.
7
I suggest an EGO-BOSSISM test:
Rule 1) The boss (Trump) is always right.
Rule 2) If the boss (Trump) is wrong, see Rule 1)
How could Donald Trump fail this test?
Rule 1) The boss (Trump) is always right.
Rule 2) If the boss (Trump) is wrong, see Rule 1)
How could Donald Trump fail this test?
1
God forgive people who vote Billary , because they know not what they are doing !
here is what Chris Hedges a long time close observer of american polity and columnist says .
""There is a vague realization among Americans that we have undergone a corporate coup. People are angry about being lied to and fleeced by the elites. They are tired of being impotent. Trump, to many of his most fervent supporters, is a huge middle finger to a corporate establishment that has ruined their lives and the lives of their children. And if Trump, or some other bombastic idiot, is the only vehicle they have to defy the system, they will use him".
and the concluding insightful para .
"Clinton in office will continue the neoliberal assault on the poor and the working poor, and increasingly the middle class, that has defined the corporate state since the Reagan administration. She will do so while speaking in the cloying and hypocritical rhetoric of compassion that masks the cruelty of corporate capitalism." unquote
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/donald_trump_the_dress_rehearsal_for...
Worth reading it in full whether you agree with him or not to get the larger picture of the GREAT FARCE being played out now with much fire and fury pomp and media hype and pop .
Not that people don't hate trump but people hate billary much more more ! ; for her past and present economic policies that has killed humans . .
here is what Chris Hedges a long time close observer of american polity and columnist says .
""There is a vague realization among Americans that we have undergone a corporate coup. People are angry about being lied to and fleeced by the elites. They are tired of being impotent. Trump, to many of his most fervent supporters, is a huge middle finger to a corporate establishment that has ruined their lives and the lives of their children. And if Trump, or some other bombastic idiot, is the only vehicle they have to defy the system, they will use him".
and the concluding insightful para .
"Clinton in office will continue the neoliberal assault on the poor and the working poor, and increasingly the middle class, that has defined the corporate state since the Reagan administration. She will do so while speaking in the cloying and hypocritical rhetoric of compassion that masks the cruelty of corporate capitalism." unquote
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/donald_trump_the_dress_rehearsal_for...
Worth reading it in full whether you agree with him or not to get the larger picture of the GREAT FARCE being played out now with much fire and fury pomp and media hype and pop .
Not that people don't hate trump but people hate billary much more more ! ; for her past and present economic policies that has killed humans . .
1
Your article is very real....very funny.......and very sad. A truly tragic Comedy.
1
Mr. Bruni has a great list of tests. My personal addition would be the Hare Psychopathology Checklist.
On a more serious note:
I will vote for Donald Trump if he can answer:
1-What is the difference between Shia and Sunni?
2-What are all the ways an idea.... can become a bill and then become a law ?
3-A blank map of the Middle East (without the names of countries);fill in the names ?
Since Donald Trump didn't know what the nuclear triad was or the difference between Kurds and Kuds force, I'm pretty confidant that I'll be voting for Hillary Clinton.
I will vote for Donald Trump if he can answer:
1-What is the difference between Shia and Sunni?
2-What are all the ways an idea.... can become a bill and then become a law ?
3-A blank map of the Middle East (without the names of countries);fill in the names ?
Since Donald Trump didn't know what the nuclear triad was or the difference between Kurds and Kuds force, I'm pretty confidant that I'll be voting for Hillary Clinton.
1
First time in a while that I laughed (not a nervous laugh, but a hearty guffaw) during the past few months of this election season. More seriously, though, is that the tests described herein would be insurmountable hurdles for the Tufted One, and worse, most of his supporters (those who scream "Emails!" or "Lies!" at the slightest offhand mention of his opponent) likely don't care.
Mr. Bruni, you may no longer be Jung, but you have laser focus on some of the most critical issues of this campaign.
Mr. Bruni, you may no longer be Jung, but you have laser focus on some of the most critical issues of this campaign.
3
Wonderful column, but I doubt that his vocabulary includes the word "crustacean". It's a lot of syllables!
3
Just more lies from the treasonous lefty media! Go ahead, make fun. When Donald J. Trump ascends to the thron..uh..presidency, we'll see how NYT and WashPo like being shut down. They'll look worse than the N.C. Republican HQ. And you, Frank, will be nothing but a very small memory. I mean HUGEly small. You are a no good person and should not be let into the country once I build a wall around you and impose radio silence. Who will be laughing then? Wait, I am unable to actually laugh. I forgot. I must be getting hungry. I need to go eat a baby. Then I will sue. Somebody. Anybody! Where's my baby??? Donny's hungry! Mommy! Mommy!
1
This has to be the funniest thing you have ever written. How sad for the country that your humor is based on facts.
1
Best. Column. Ever. Funny and not so far-fetched.
1
Finally, something truly funny!
1
A citizenship test for Trump should include the question "Do you regularly vote in Presidential elections?" And of course, his answer should, and could, be fact-checked. This man does not care about this country and it is a disgrace that his campaign is so filled with hate. And i worry that so many citizens appear to buy his lies.
4
Frank,
You have brilliant ideas !
He who shall not be named, seems to have bigly ideas, which I sometimes have difficulty decoding.
Yes, as a psychiatric nurse, I venture to agree with your two ICD-10-CM diagnoses, F60.3 & F60.81, perhaps more to follow.
You have brilliant ideas !
He who shall not be named, seems to have bigly ideas, which I sometimes have difficulty decoding.
Yes, as a psychiatric nurse, I venture to agree with your two ICD-10-CM diagnoses, F60.3 & F60.81, perhaps more to follow.
1
We would all fall down laughing if this article were not so correct in assessing Trump.
3
If I were HRC, I would propose that both submit to the complete Mayo Clinic Executive Executive Examination, with the results immediately reported publicly.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/departments-centers/executive-health-program/o...
http://www.mayoclinic.org/departments-centers/executive-health-program/o...
4
The lie detector test is the only one that's really needed. But, the results won't change a single mind.
2
I cannot imagine how Trump could recover in tonight's debate.
Hillary should be thinking about how to administer the coup de grace by aggressively attacking any number of his idiotic comments over the last few months.
Hillary should be thinking about how to administer the coup de grace by aggressively attacking any number of his idiotic comments over the last few months.
12
This is very funny, a nice break from x-rated political news. Only fear is -- it a'int over "till the portly gentleman screams", as one of your opinion-ed colleagues pointed out.
16
Last night, I literally had nightmares about the election. I am terrified of Trump. Although I cannot imagine him winning at this point, I am very afraid of what some of his deluded, deranged, deplorable supporters might do when the "rigged" election is over.
Your column was great and at least gave me a laugh. But what made me feel even better were the intelligent, witty comments that follow. But I would expect no less from readers of the "failing" New York Times.
Your column was great and at least gave me a laugh. But what made me feel even better were the intelligent, witty comments that follow. But I would expect no less from readers of the "failing" New York Times.
30
mildly cute
3
Trump's nephew is a psychologist - what is his opinion??
Trump is karma for the Bushes foisted on us.
Trump is karma for the Bushes foisted on us.
2
Trump's son-in-law is Jewish. What does he think of his father-in-law's love affair with the Neo-Nazis?
1
Such a wonderful piece this morning! Biting humor that really touches on issues with decidedly unfunny consequences. Bigly done! Bravo!
6
Thank you for making me laugh this morning. I love your wit. Hard to believe any person who can hear or read will vote for Trump but . . . What more can I say?
2
Dear Frank Bruni,
Your perfect article should be:
1.
Posted on every refrigerator in the Free World
2.
Hung in every Post Office in the Free World
3.
Made into posters and distributed liberally at Trump rallies
4.
Required reading for everyone who intends to vote for Idiot Trump; if, after reading your wisdom, these people still intend to vote for Idiot Trump, they, themselves, should be administered the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory
Your perfect article should be:
1.
Posted on every refrigerator in the Free World
2.
Hung in every Post Office in the Free World
3.
Made into posters and distributed liberally at Trump rallies
4.
Required reading for everyone who intends to vote for Idiot Trump; if, after reading your wisdom, these people still intend to vote for Idiot Trump, they, themselves, should be administered the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory
16
How about you and Hillary, the NYT Editorial Board, and the DNC all waltzing about in matching orange jump suits after being convicted by AG Rudy Giuliani of conspiring to violate the election laws with a bag of dirty tricks from A to Z that would make even Nixon blush? This is not funny Propagandist.
1
In reply to Winston Smith in London.
Ooh, you are so witty!
Ooh, you are so witty!
3
Rudy Giuliani is another utterly clueless fool devoid of introspection who should have disappeared down his wormhole in shame long ago.
5
Regarding the way he stiffs those he owes, I am waiting for the late-night TV lawyer ad: "Does the trump owe you money? Call our offices today!"
15
I think he would pass the lie detector test. He has no shame and is totally delusional.
12
Tell us how you Really feel about Trump, Frank. HA!
I enjoyed every bit of this, right down to the exploding lie-detector. ( I only wish it werent so accurate.)
Thank you!
I enjoyed every bit of this, right down to the exploding lie-detector. ( I only wish it werent so accurate.)
Thank you!
10
What, no IQ test? You disappoint me Frank.
9
I do not need to request new tests for Donald. He took many of them. Already failed:
• Genuineness’ test
• Women test
• Latino’s test
• Geography 101
• Public Policy 101
• Foreign Affairs 101
• Fiscal Policy 101
• Staying out of Chapter 11 101
• “what do you have to lose” test
• Antiterrorism 101
• Macroeconomics (high school level)
• Disclosing tax returns test
Donald does seem to have a post doctorate in ignorance, contradictory statements and, racism.
He is very good in marketing and working very hard in promoting civil disobedience and riots.
• Genuineness’ test
• Women test
• Latino’s test
• Geography 101
• Public Policy 101
• Foreign Affairs 101
• Fiscal Policy 101
• Staying out of Chapter 11 101
• “what do you have to lose” test
• Antiterrorism 101
• Macroeconomics (high school level)
• Disclosing tax returns test
Donald does seem to have a post doctorate in ignorance, contradictory statements and, racism.
He is very good in marketing and working very hard in promoting civil disobedience and riots.
18
The best test he passed is tick off the self-satified, smug nitwits until they show their true colors in hypocrisy, dirty tricks, and sanctimonious carping.Aim low in private and even lower if you think you can get away with it.
Trump does not use the word "bigly". The phrase he uses is "big league".
1
Everyone with whom I was watching heard him say bigly. And, I am a former Jersey Girl. I get the accent and the talk.
5
"Trump in a Bikini"? What an awful visual!!!
CITIZENSHIP TEST - As soon as Trump took the oath of office, he would break the oath by violating many of the Constitutional protections he is sworn to protect.
HEARING TEST: What? He will tell everybody exactly what he wants to hear.
CREDIT CHECK - He will solve the national debt the Republican/Trumpian way - declaring national bankruptcy and default on the debt.
RORSCHACH: Eeew, a stain.
MMPI: ...
SLAP! If only Hillary could give Trump a good hard Hollywood style slap in the face during tonight's debate when he goes low, he might wake up from the nightmare he is putting the rest of us through.
CITIZENSHIP TEST - As soon as Trump took the oath of office, he would break the oath by violating many of the Constitutional protections he is sworn to protect.
HEARING TEST: What? He will tell everybody exactly what he wants to hear.
CREDIT CHECK - He will solve the national debt the Republican/Trumpian way - declaring national bankruptcy and default on the debt.
RORSCHACH: Eeew, a stain.
MMPI: ...
SLAP! If only Hillary could give Trump a good hard Hollywood style slap in the face during tonight's debate when he goes low, he might wake up from the nightmare he is putting the rest of us through.
5
FYI, it is Psychologists (Ph.D.'s) not Psychiatrists (MD's) who are trained to administer and interpret psychological tests.
4
Are we all crazy? Michael Bloomberg for President!
3
Sadly Bloomberg shares some interests with Mr T. Both are or would be in favor of tax breaks for RealEstate Moguls. Both have supported the contagious increase in Condo building for the very rich with a 10 year vacation from property taxes. Neither is committed to the goals of a political party, which rather than giving them freedom forces a superficial allegiance to whichever party is most likely to afford them a place on the ballot. Naturally, Bloomberg would offer more expertise in winning an election. He would apply more private funds for his campaign & pay his volunteers for their hard line support. Bloomberg would placate the constituency of his rivals and would not alienate the opposition until after the election. Still the diminishing anxiety attached to every reporter's comments and the variation in polling results would certainly diminish as a result of B's reputation for inoffensive politeness. At least the motives of Trump are clear enough to incite fear and opposition. Let us hope he hoists himself by his own pittard. It's too late to find another acceptable Republican BUT NOTE TOO LATE to Vote!!
Funny. And although I detest AND despise Trump, I think his hair is great. He claims (ha!) that he does it himself, but it is possible there is an enslaved hairstylist imprisoned in his plane(s).
1
I think the squirrel grooms itself, but since it can't speak trump takes credit for the grooming.
1
You had me long before you got to "and I'm no longer Jung." Thank you for this, Frank.
10
No pretense of having read this as usual. Look fwd to any of you tools (literally) even mentioning Thos Franks's expose' on Democat-Media-Pol RIGGING of the HRC v BS primary 'election'. Then please explain why DT is an idiot for worrying out loud about it being done to him. Hmmmmm?
1
My eyes! My eyes! Did you have to give me that mental image???
You're right, he'd have a hard time passing any of those tests.
Let's just hope we never have to find out what his lack of knowledge could do to the Oval Office.
You're right, he'd have a hard time passing any of those tests.
Let's just hope we never have to find out what his lack of knowledge could do to the Oval Office.
2
Trump can drive? Can you learn to do that from the back of a limo? Can you even pass the written with out knowing how to read?
5
Blessings on bruni!!!!!!!
LOL, to say the least. But he neglected to mention the blood shot eyes, undoubtedly caused by the glare of rigged Klieg lights.
LOL, to say the least. But he neglected to mention the blood shot eyes, undoubtedly caused by the glare of rigged Klieg lights.
2
Interesting as I was just talking with friends recently and said I thought every presidential candidate MUST pass the citizenship test.
3
Candidates for US public offices are tested only by the voters.
Mr. Bruni you are forever Jung!
5
Sorry Frank, but as a psychologist I can tell you that the MMPI can only be administered to someone having at least a 5th grade reading and comprehension level.
51
How about an IQ test? Many people are saying that Trump is an idiot, but we need to be sure.
8
Trump's supporters know he lies;' and yet they believe him when he says he will "Make America Great (white) Again".
Amazing.
Amazing.
3
The believe that bluster is all it takes.
Bruni really lashed that one! It's high enough, it's going...it's going...it's gone! Bruni parks it on Jerome Avenue! You don't see that everyday!
1
Anti-Trump diatribe is getting tired, Bruni, is there anything else you can write about?
1
You had me at 'Trump in a Bikini'. This was hilarious and sadly very true.
8
Trump in a bikini? No thanks! He is amazingly bigly disgusting without exposing more of him to America. Hasn't America vomited enough?
If were going to administer tests to anyone, forget Trump (a sexual predator, which is all we need to know), and let's test every Republican.
SPINE Is there any Republican left who has a spine? Little Marco, Lyin Ted, Dumb Perry, NO-Hero McCain, Paulie Ryan, McConnell The Turtle,...on and on, Republicans have demonstrated their political ideology Trumps their humiliation. Without spines, Republicans can twist themselves into any pander-pretzel of inconsistency.
FAMILY VALUES Republicans claim they are the party of family values. Do they really mean they are the family that parties? They've nominated a cad who throw big parties where he can molest women.
PATRIOTISM Republicans have spent the last 8-years attacking President Obama, questioning his legitimacy, attempting to make him fail. That doesn't agree with my definition of patriotism.
EARNING YOUR PAY Republicans have spent more time voting to kill the ACA than legislating on behalf of the people. The legislation they pass is to rename post offices. They will not hold a hearing to consider a nominee to fill a SCOTUS vacancy. Now John McCain says Republicans will never approve a Hillary Clinton nominee. Republicans don't know the meaning of earn your pay; they are freeloaders who serve themselves, not the public.
How about testing Trump supporters for common sense?
If were going to administer tests to anyone, forget Trump (a sexual predator, which is all we need to know), and let's test every Republican.
SPINE Is there any Republican left who has a spine? Little Marco, Lyin Ted, Dumb Perry, NO-Hero McCain, Paulie Ryan, McConnell The Turtle,...on and on, Republicans have demonstrated their political ideology Trumps their humiliation. Without spines, Republicans can twist themselves into any pander-pretzel of inconsistency.
FAMILY VALUES Republicans claim they are the party of family values. Do they really mean they are the family that parties? They've nominated a cad who throw big parties where he can molest women.
PATRIOTISM Republicans have spent the last 8-years attacking President Obama, questioning his legitimacy, attempting to make him fail. That doesn't agree with my definition of patriotism.
EARNING YOUR PAY Republicans have spent more time voting to kill the ACA than legislating on behalf of the people. The legislation they pass is to rename post offices. They will not hold a hearing to consider a nominee to fill a SCOTUS vacancy. Now John McCain says Republicans will never approve a Hillary Clinton nominee. Republicans don't know the meaning of earn your pay; they are freeloaders who serve themselves, not the public.
How about testing Trump supporters for common sense?
21
Hilarious! You forgot one -- a drug test. Who sniffs like that on national tv? Is it from coke? Too many years partying at studio 54? Blood thinners? Some other illness/medication he doesn't want us to know about?
18
Hilarious article; Thanks Frank
8
You forgot, the hair test---no one should be president without authentic hair.
5
Does an authentic squirrel count?
1
Dear mr. Bruni,
If the object of your column was to initiate a "gag response", at least in me, then it really, really worked!
Picturing Trump in a "bikini" or a "Speedo" was enough to make me retch.
As for what this pile of excrement actually thinks or what "tests" he could actually pass, he's aptly displayed his "credentials" on that score but thank you for pointing out what else might be percolating in the lump of material that passes for his "brain".
The real question is "What was the GOP/TP/KOCH AFFILIATE thinking when they nominated him"? Hopefully, they'll have at least 4 years to ponder that question before they try it again.
If the object of your column was to initiate a "gag response", at least in me, then it really, really worked!
Picturing Trump in a "bikini" or a "Speedo" was enough to make me retch.
As for what this pile of excrement actually thinks or what "tests" he could actually pass, he's aptly displayed his "credentials" on that score but thank you for pointing out what else might be percolating in the lump of material that passes for his "brain".
The real question is "What was the GOP/TP/KOCH AFFILIATE thinking when they nominated him"? Hopefully, they'll have at least 4 years to ponder that question before they try it again.
10
Fat. Ugly. Dumb. Thinks he's the Most Interesting Man in the World, when in fact he's the Most Boring. And yeah, bring on the drug testing (but make sure an impartial third party stands next to Donnie and verifies him personally filling the cup--a detailed report about certain aspects of *that* would also be interesting) ... Maybe we can finally discover just what is causing his paranoia, insomnia, and constant sniffles.
13
Great points. Of all your tests, the citizenship one is the most important. That would be rich as well: the man excoriating immigrants doesn't even know what newly minted citizens do.
As for the others, all clever but I'd also administer a basic memory test. From anything Trump has said about foreign policy, it appears that he can't even remember what he learned in security briefings ( just typing that phrase sends chills down my spine).
I'd also sit him down in a locked padded cell and have him learn and repeat 100 times the real number of incidents of voter fraud in his country.
Finally, I'd administer the final test on emotional volatility: read again all the accusations of groping from his paramours, while a nurse measures blood pressure.
Trump might have a heart after an EKG, but how it's working in delivering oxygen to the brain might provide a better indicator of how long he's got before having a stroke.
As for the others, all clever but I'd also administer a basic memory test. From anything Trump has said about foreign policy, it appears that he can't even remember what he learned in security briefings ( just typing that phrase sends chills down my spine).
I'd also sit him down in a locked padded cell and have him learn and repeat 100 times the real number of incidents of voter fraud in his country.
Finally, I'd administer the final test on emotional volatility: read again all the accusations of groping from his paramours, while a nurse measures blood pressure.
Trump might have a heart after an EKG, but how it's working in delivering oxygen to the brain might provide a better indicator of how long he's got before having a stroke.
19
Oooh Frank, You are so naughty today.
6
This is great! But add one more test: for levels of Viagra and Cialis. Betcha Hillary would pass this test with flying colors, but over-the-hill Trump with his lust for children younger than his daughter (and for his daughter) would surely fail.
7
You know, I thought that the suggestions of cocaine use for the sniffling at previous debates were over-the-top.
However, knowing Trump's constant tactic of projection, now that he's suggested that Hillary take a drug test, I think there might be something to the speculation.
However, knowing Trump's constant tactic of projection, now that he's suggested that Hillary take a drug test, I think there might be something to the speculation.
31
Donald Trump routinely flails the "failing" New York Times which displeases him to the point of morbid obsession. To my knowledge, the Times has never filed for bankruptcy, even once let alone six times over.
www.endthemadnessnow.org
www.endthemadnessnow.org
13
Reminded of this real encounter between a reporter and a Trump supporter:
Reporter: Why do you support Trump?
Supporter: Because he's just like me.
Reporter: But he's a billionaire, living on fifth avenue, with his own plane.
Supporter: I know, but he's just like me.
How does any sane person argue with that logic?
Reporter: Why do you support Trump?
Supporter: Because he's just like me.
Reporter: But he's a billionaire, living on fifth avenue, with his own plane.
Supporter: I know, but he's just like me.
How does any sane person argue with that logic?
61
Franky Boy. I will reach out to you once again. After Mrs. Clinton reveals her chronic illness. Then we can have a real rip snorting laugh. Eh?
3
There is no evidence she has one. But if she did, so what? Taft was morbidly obese. FDR of course, had polio. JFK, Addison's. Reagan, Alzheimer's ... oh, wait, maybe that one should have been a disqualifier. (And yes, in retrospect there's plenty of evidence symptoms were showing in his second term, and possibly in his first.)
BTW, you discredit your post from the get-go with 'Franky Boy'. Usually I don't indulge in playground banter with those who indulge in middle-school snarky bullying rhetoric. But if you want to have an honest, meaningful discussion about politics with anyone whose IQ is larger than his shoe size, step one is to resist the temptation to stoop to it. Helpful advice, I hope, from one who's just fed up.
BTW, you discredit your post from the get-go with 'Franky Boy'. Usually I don't indulge in playground banter with those who indulge in middle-school snarky bullying rhetoric. But if you want to have an honest, meaningful discussion about politics with anyone whose IQ is larger than his shoe size, step one is to resist the temptation to stoop to it. Helpful advice, I hope, from one who's just fed up.
9
ACW, thanks for keeping the high tone on an article titled Trump in a Bikini.
She must be in great shape, out on the campaign trail day after day, getting to meet the electorate and all. This campaign has been just like her "stronger together" bus, dumping its raw sewage in a public storm sewer in the middle of town. I could not have crafted a better analogy.
She must be in great shape, out on the campaign trail day after day, getting to meet the electorate and all. This campaign has been just like her "stronger together" bus, dumping its raw sewage in a public storm sewer in the middle of town. I could not have crafted a better analogy.
1
Had to note I still don't see any actual evidence of a chronic illness presented, nor any coherent argument as to why, if there were one, it would disqualify her from the presidency. Nor, still, any of the specific points Mr Bruni made in his article. Just a totally irrelevant retort with an all too apt refererence to sewage.
The PBS channel on YouTube has an excellent series about argumentation and specifically about weaknesses and fallacies. You might wish to consult it.
The PBS channel on YouTube has an excellent series about argumentation and specifically about weaknesses and fallacies. You might wish to consult it.
2
Mr Bruni's column for October 19th is pathetic, childish and beneath contempt.
2
Rather like the man he's criticizing. Except Trump isn't funny anymore.
Note you don't rebut or refute any of the substantive points beneath the satire - that Trump displays utter ignorance of the political process and the structure and functions of government; engages in inflammatory rhetoric; delivers speeches made up of disjointed phrases and non sequiturs, lapsing into word salad, raising questions as to whether his mentis is actually compos or whether his inarticulacy is a calculated ploy to appeal to an audience whose logic chip is defective and whose education is inadequate. Not to mention that, to invoke Mary McCarthy's oft-quoted slap at Lillian Hellman, every word he says is a lie, including 'and' and 'the'.
Note you don't rebut or refute any of the substantive points beneath the satire - that Trump displays utter ignorance of the political process and the structure and functions of government; engages in inflammatory rhetoric; delivers speeches made up of disjointed phrases and non sequiturs, lapsing into word salad, raising questions as to whether his mentis is actually compos or whether his inarticulacy is a calculated ploy to appeal to an audience whose logic chip is defective and whose education is inadequate. Not to mention that, to invoke Mary McCarthy's oft-quoted slap at Lillian Hellman, every word he says is a lie, including 'and' and 'the'.
13
Ah, too much truth for you to absorb?
3
All the left has now is snark and their sense of overwhelming, preening superiority to "those awful evil white people in flyover country".
1
Great, just great. Hits it on all cylinders. Keep on writing.
10
The thought of Trump in a Bikini made almost throw up my breakfast.
Thanks
Thanks
7
I say we call Trump's bluff. A drug test is a good idea, as long as testosterone levels are included. The constant sniffles that plague the candidate indicate testosterone supplement use. It could also help explain his behavior.
13
I seriously doubt he would use the word "crustacean".
9
Trump-think: "Crustacean? Must be an immigrant from Crustacea."
6
With the thought of tonight's debate and Drumpf's polling place police, I needed a laugh. Frank you gave me quite a few. Although, Drumpf in a bikini is a nasty image; he'd be the first Telly Telly Tubby President.
4
Since Donald believes the words coming out of his mouth, he would pass a lie detector test!
6
Message to Trump haters: Don't gloat Vote.
8
Frank Bruni - what would I do without your Op Ed pieces to savor. From covering the world of food to the even better-suited world of politics, your acerbic and sadly on-point observations keep me sane in an increasingly insane world. thank you
6
Thanks, Frank. You remind us that of all the Scary Clown sightings this October, the one running for president is the scariest.
13
Wow, I did not know Trump appraised Clinton's backside & insinuated Obama was cheating with other women. He is way over the top. I pray Hillary wins and Trump is ignored by all media for the rest of my life!
10
Show your tax returns, like every other candidate for the past 40 years. Then we can discuss other tests.
8
Has Trump even voted in past elections, local and national? Does he participate in civic responsibilities? It seems like he lives in "Trump World" where you can act on whatever impulses strike you because the people are only robots.
2
Written in jest, yet devastatingly revealing if actually implemented.
2
Enough red meat! The bushel basket full of weaknesses exhibited by this boob were made clear weeks ago and I suspect by now most NYT readers would rather vote for Eva Braun's illegitimate sister so please move on to another subject: Perhaps the frustration of dealing with most current product packaging?
This piece makes clear that Trump has been and is effective in spreading his hateful mentality, in this case to the press. I am sorry to know that the Times allows this piece. It's clever at points but never clever enough to disguise its lowness .
Don' t worry, Mr. Bruni, you are quite good modern version of Sigmund Freud.
All his life Herr Drumpf has most certainly suffered from projection defense mechanism and numerous other psychiatric maladies.
Good old Sigmund would have had him transported directly from his couch to a closed facility, where he only plays by the rules if he is addressed as Mein Fuehrer, Il Duce, or Generalissimo.
All his life Herr Drumpf has most certainly suffered from projection defense mechanism and numerous other psychiatric maladies.
Good old Sigmund would have had him transported directly from his couch to a closed facility, where he only plays by the rules if he is addressed as Mein Fuehrer, Il Duce, or Generalissimo.
3
The lie detector wouldn't be useful. It only works if the person being tested knows they are lying. Mr. Trump lives and breathes his own reality.
4
Trump without clothes is a thought too unbearable to contemplate. My best guess is that he's a One at most, but I'll leave judgement to all the women he has insulted.
4
Fact: Freddie Lejeune, a political scientist whose family hid him from the Germans with brave Catholics so he survived WII and still uses that name to honor his rescuers, began the government's move to presidential debates. The League of Women Voters was also instrumental in seeing that tv might unmask candidates -- as well as masking them in the first place.
Tonight he will be honored for trying to show how poorly-dressed candidates really may be, as Trump has already reminded millions twice. ESPN will carry the tribute in the 30 minutes before the debacle, I mean debate.
In war or political combat, one person can make a difference.
Freddie also runs the best private website and forum on WWII's holocaust, "Remember_the_Holocaust". What a man, what a power, what a son, grandson, and cousin. What a friend. Trump will never come back to haunt another election. Freddie helped start what did him in.
Tonight he will be honored for trying to show how poorly-dressed candidates really may be, as Trump has already reminded millions twice. ESPN will carry the tribute in the 30 minutes before the debacle, I mean debate.
In war or political combat, one person can make a difference.
Freddie also runs the best private website and forum on WWII's holocaust, "Remember_the_Holocaust". What a man, what a power, what a son, grandson, and cousin. What a friend. Trump will never come back to haunt another election. Freddie helped start what did him in.
7
I am so sick of reading about Trump, and this is only after a few months of his being the Republican nominee. If he actually gets elected, I may have to go off the grid.
2
Trump has established that he is such a comprehensive ignoramus that he must be a front for somebody else much smarter.
4
A comprehensive ignoramus? Or, possibly, he just plays one on TV. Remember the audience to which he's pandering. He is the fantasy incarnation of the narrator of Dire Straits' song 'Money for Nothing', the beer-bellied, lumpenproletarian grumbler toiling at 'custom kitchen delivery' while dreaming resentfully of a lifestyle drowning in cash, surrounded by supermodels. Trump presents the facade of a man 'living the dream'.
That's an equally scary possibility; that he knows exactly what he's doing and calculates every word that comes out of his mouth and every gesture he makes, to a claque who, as he notoriously and alas accurately said, would stand behind him even if he shot someone in broad daylight on 5th Avenue in NYC.
That's an equally scary possibility; that he knows exactly what he's doing and calculates every word that comes out of his mouth and every gesture he makes, to a claque who, as he notoriously and alas accurately said, would stand behind him even if he shot someone in broad daylight on 5th Avenue in NYC.
1
Putin.
3
Along with trump's "staggering ignorance" is his staggering stupidity. He would fail any test bigly. (Who makes up words anyway, I did that, literally when I was in the 7th grade)
Why has he not been called out on his own very bizarre appearance? He sets "standards" for others; has he not looked in a mirror for the past 30 years? The humiliation of parading around in a bikini bottom on Sean Hannity's show, after he suffers a historic defeat on Nov 8th, would be a tiny start of penance for trump. But lead to nightmare's for everyone else. He is literally and figuratively a classic case of "the ugly American"
trump is a cave man and dinosaur. A 1950's, 60's & 70's version of the ridiculous "playboy", talking his tough New York tawk,
His motivation for the presidency is as superficial and as selfish as everything else he has done his entire life. He could not care less about the desperate people he is knowingly misleading.
After his defeat his "candidacy" and his life will be endless and ruthlessly put under a microscope. As with Hitler, the main question will be how the hell did he ever get to be the nominee of any political party in the USA?
And just like the ending of The Emperor's New Clothes someone will finally cry out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!"
Why was this not painfully obvious to the RNC, Reince Preibus, Paul Ryan, & all GOP elected officials who cowardly remained silent or who supported trump for their self preservation. (Hello Chris C & Rudy G)
Why has he not been called out on his own very bizarre appearance? He sets "standards" for others; has he not looked in a mirror for the past 30 years? The humiliation of parading around in a bikini bottom on Sean Hannity's show, after he suffers a historic defeat on Nov 8th, would be a tiny start of penance for trump. But lead to nightmare's for everyone else. He is literally and figuratively a classic case of "the ugly American"
trump is a cave man and dinosaur. A 1950's, 60's & 70's version of the ridiculous "playboy", talking his tough New York tawk,
His motivation for the presidency is as superficial and as selfish as everything else he has done his entire life. He could not care less about the desperate people he is knowingly misleading.
After his defeat his "candidacy" and his life will be endless and ruthlessly put under a microscope. As with Hitler, the main question will be how the hell did he ever get to be the nominee of any political party in the USA?
And just like the ending of The Emperor's New Clothes someone will finally cry out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!"
Why was this not painfully obvious to the RNC, Reince Preibus, Paul Ryan, & all GOP elected officials who cowardly remained silent or who supported trump for their self preservation. (Hello Chris C & Rudy G)
6
I don't mind Trump's making up words, per se. Shakespeare supposedly did, or at least we credit him with the first recorded use of many words and phrases now commonplace. I coin words now and then as well; plenty of writers do, when none of the available words exactly fit. (What irks me is creating unneeded backformations - e.g., 'administrate' instead of 'administer'; 'orientate' instead of 'orient'.
I'm also willing to accept the proposition that 'bigly' was actually a mishearing of 'big league'.
What bothers me is that Trump's discourse is inarticulate. He speaks in word salad, disjointed phrases, and non sequiturs strung together seemingly at random, with a lot of repetition and rhythm substituting for sense and substance. It bypasses the brain, shorts out the logic chip, and goes straight for the gut. He is the very model of a demagogue and rabble-rouser.
I'm also willing to accept the proposition that 'bigly' was actually a mishearing of 'big league'.
What bothers me is that Trump's discourse is inarticulate. He speaks in word salad, disjointed phrases, and non sequiturs strung together seemingly at random, with a lot of repetition and rhythm substituting for sense and substance. It bypasses the brain, shorts out the logic chip, and goes straight for the gut. He is the very model of a demagogue and rabble-rouser.
2
lol Frank! Of course Trump would get an F. He'd fail every test. For Trump and his supports and lots of low intellectual output GOP congressional members, actual facts matter little.
Actually learning something is not the American way any longer.
Actually learning something is not the American way any longer.
1
I don't want a metaphorical bikini; I want a literally real bikini. Why not? Others decry the lasting traumatic effects of such a view but I'll be more than happy to have that sight lodged in my memory if it shows him to be the fat slob he appears to be hiding.
He's demanded that level of scrutiny, judgement, and objectification of women and he should be made to withstand the same. It's totally obvious he's a flabby shriveled "loser" physically. How could he not be with a proudly proclaimed diet of fast food with zero exercise? You can see it in the shape of his baggy 80s suits that he somehow believes hides a disgusting body and rotting soul.
He's demanded that level of scrutiny, judgement, and objectification of women and he should be made to withstand the same. It's totally obvious he's a flabby shriveled "loser" physically. How could he not be with a proudly proclaimed diet of fast food with zero exercise? You can see it in the shape of his baggy 80s suits that he somehow believes hides a disgusting body and rotting soul.
8
Thanks Frank. I needed some humor in my life this morning.
However, It's more than "hypo-mania" More like full blown manic behavior. There's also a huge amount of delusional belief in his bluster. (Mexicans are rapists, etc.)
And as for the bikini thing. I am not sure I could stand that view of him.
and finally, the SAT is more than just vocabulary. It requires sentence structure of more than just a noun and a verb.
However, It's more than "hypo-mania" More like full blown manic behavior. There's also a huge amount of delusional belief in his bluster. (Mexicans are rapists, etc.)
And as for the bikini thing. I am not sure I could stand that view of him.
and finally, the SAT is more than just vocabulary. It requires sentence structure of more than just a noun and a verb.
2
This is very funny and since Drumpf is such a sensitive soul (bless his microscopic reptilian heart) it's a way to publicity humiliate him. He richly deserves it. Now for a freezing reality shower: 40% of Americans support him. Not so funny anymore!
2
Thank you, Frank, for the laughs this morning! In this horrifying, grotesque, and frightening spectacle of an election season gone totally mad, even a few moments of chuckles are priceless. I would add an EEG to your list of proposed tests, since there is also zero evidence that Drumpf has anything remotely resembling a functioning brain; additionally, an MMSE (Mini Mental Status Exam) might be in order, as it is used to measure cognitive decline for those with brain injuries, dementia, and so on. As to that driving test - I rather suspect that the only vehicles Drumpf drives are golf carts, but even those can be dangerous in the wrong, very small hands!
7
I think psychological tests are definitely in order. A man with the emotional maturity of a 14 year old on his good days and a 3 year old on his bad days is simply unfit to serve as President.
8
It seems only logical to test the knowledge of a presidential candidate about the Constitution since enforcement of that document is the main job of a President. The problem is that nobody ever does it.
1
Thanks for the laughs, Frank! So needed after these last weeks of frightening rhetoric and magical thinking. The worry is what happens to his base the day after Secy. Clinton wins. Forty million of our fellow citizens will need an outlet for their disappointment and rage. Let's hope her remarkable team is working on a way forward for all the people.
1
Why take a serious proposal and make fun of it? It would be interesting for the electorate to find out what either of them is on. Hunch that Trump, having profited from learning experience of seeing his own brother ruin his life through alcohol and other "stupefiants," is a lifetime tea totaller.Clinton may be a different story.A woman tiptoeing on the thin edge of being 70 is probably taking a mixed fruit pudding of prescription drugs to keep her going.I believe we have a right to know.Re DT in a bikini,it should be said that few people look better naked than with clothes on. That's why clothes were invented, and that is why so many marriages fail.Would like just once to see article by Bruni which he begins with,"On the one hand this; on the other hand that..."Bref, to show a soupcon of objectivity.
1
This absolutely made my day! I woke up with an anvil in the pit of my stomach thinking about what tonight's debate might hold. Last night the pundits on all networks were predicting a re-enactment of the sort held in Roman coliseums. I had begun to breathe a little easier as I checked the polls each morning, thinking Americans, or at least a slight majority of them, do have some common sense, but last night I was beginning to wonder again. So much ado about "quid pro quo" that never happened. So many quotes taken out of context, which when read in whole, actually added to my comfort with casting my vote for Hillary Clinton today....but then I woke up and read this piece and smiled. Yay!
248
I have long fantasized about a presidential debate in which questions were limited to each candidate's understanding and interpretation of the U.S. Constitution.
2
Debate day is here; too late for tests. On to the questions Americans want answers to. First, at what "Beauty Number" (like one's 'sleep number', only more revealing) will President Trump draw the line for females in his orbit? Will he permit anyone less than a "10" work in the White House? Will the 9's and 8's be be exiled to the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, the 7's and 6's to one of the basements of the Pentagon? In the truth is stranger than fiction department, I urge people to re-watch the episode of the original Star Trek series entitled "I, Mudd", for I am starting to think Mr, Trump, as President, intends to reprise the role of Harcourt Fenton Mudd memorably played by Roger C. Carmel with Hillary as Mudd's nagging wife 'Stella'. Perhaps in his famous lack of focus Trump failed to watch long enough to see just who was in charge by the end of that episode?
At this point, the public has suffered enough and, since it's unlikely this particular debate will change anyone's minds, let's make it entertaining.
I propose the moderator adopt the talk show antics of foreign countries, with crazy sound effects, flashing lights, and fun at the participants' expense.
A candidate who goes over his or her time limit would be dropped from the stage via a trapdoor. They'd be returned quickly, but wearing a feather boa. A candidate who interrupts the other would be instantaneously wrapped in mummy wrappings or hit in the face with a whipped cream pie. Lies would be identified with a giant red light bulb and angry buzzing, and each one would cause one of two doorways on the side of either candidate to open a little bit more, exposing flames and representing a fast approaching Hades.
The winner of said debate would be the candidate who doesn't end up in a straight jacket, spitting profanities at the invisible bats he or she believes is circling overhead. This is a debate I would certainly watch.
I propose the moderator adopt the talk show antics of foreign countries, with crazy sound effects, flashing lights, and fun at the participants' expense.
A candidate who goes over his or her time limit would be dropped from the stage via a trapdoor. They'd be returned quickly, but wearing a feather boa. A candidate who interrupts the other would be instantaneously wrapped in mummy wrappings or hit in the face with a whipped cream pie. Lies would be identified with a giant red light bulb and angry buzzing, and each one would cause one of two doorways on the side of either candidate to open a little bit more, exposing flames and representing a fast approaching Hades.
The winner of said debate would be the candidate who doesn't end up in a straight jacket, spitting profanities at the invisible bats he or she believes is circling overhead. This is a debate I would certainly watch.
136
For a game-show reinterpretation of the first Presidential debate, watch this video from the wonderful folks at Bad Lip Reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLYHu0AG8GI
Or, how about a game of strip poker, where the candidate had to remove an article of clothing every time they told a lie?
Love it!
Mr, Bruni, as long as we are on the topic of paranoia, we might as well consider the following:
Adam Kirsch concluded his recent review (last Sunday) of Volker Ullrich's "Hitler: Ascent 1889-1939" as follows ( bracketed satirical additions are mine): "What is truly frightening, and monitory, in Ullrich's book is not that a Hitler [or Trump] could exist, but that so many people seemed to be secretly waiting for him [or for Trump]."
My bracketed additions, of course, if inscribed with unironic intent, would simply indicate that I am as paranoid and given to hyperbole as is The Donald.
My actual belief is that the buffoonish Mr. Trump poses a major threat not to us and to our nation, but rather to himself and to his brand.
He has now become Trumplestiltskin, vehemently stamping his foot ever more forcefully. He doesn't seem to realize that by doing so he is hastening the advent of "Die Trumpsterdammerung"--a Trumpocalypic catastrophe of farcical proportions, not for us, but for Trump.
Unless, of course, Trump, Roger Ailes and their friends at Breitbart actually do manage to get plans for their Foxier News Channel up and running. Then Trump and his crew will continue to inflict grave brain damage on a significant portion of an already addled group of viewer-voters.
There would be much to legitimately fear if we were to be further victimized by an even Fauxier News. Fear of that scary possibility is not at all evidence of paranoia.
Adam Kirsch concluded his recent review (last Sunday) of Volker Ullrich's "Hitler: Ascent 1889-1939" as follows ( bracketed satirical additions are mine): "What is truly frightening, and monitory, in Ullrich's book is not that a Hitler [or Trump] could exist, but that so many people seemed to be secretly waiting for him [or for Trump]."
My bracketed additions, of course, if inscribed with unironic intent, would simply indicate that I am as paranoid and given to hyperbole as is The Donald.
My actual belief is that the buffoonish Mr. Trump poses a major threat not to us and to our nation, but rather to himself and to his brand.
He has now become Trumplestiltskin, vehemently stamping his foot ever more forcefully. He doesn't seem to realize that by doing so he is hastening the advent of "Die Trumpsterdammerung"--a Trumpocalypic catastrophe of farcical proportions, not for us, but for Trump.
Unless, of course, Trump, Roger Ailes and their friends at Breitbart actually do manage to get plans for their Foxier News Channel up and running. Then Trump and his crew will continue to inflict grave brain damage on a significant portion of an already addled group of viewer-voters.
There would be much to legitimately fear if we were to be further victimized by an even Fauxier News. Fear of that scary possibility is not at all evidence of paranoia.
7
I believe it is "big league" he is saying, though I used to think it was "bigly" too. Could be wrong.
In any event, while I agree with most criticisms of Trump (although there are always exaggerations), I really feel the story of the year has been ignored - that the two major parties have failed more than ever, that they have nominated two - not one - grossly unsuitable presidents. Unfortunately, the one other candidate who might have had a shot, Johnson, showed quickly that he not only did not know how to generate enthusiasm but embarrassed himself by showing he doesn't even seem to watch enough news shows to have a clue about foreign policy. Our national problem for the next 4-8 years will probably be Clinton, rather than Trump, and the continuing logjam in congress over most everything and the same old nonsense, not to mention, perhaps, more fall out when all the lies that were told come home to roost.
Frankly, our hope is that the economy is good for reasons other than our terrible leadership, that new technologies and other events allows us to keep plowing through. Trying to be optimistic. It's not easy.
In any event, while I agree with most criticisms of Trump (although there are always exaggerations), I really feel the story of the year has been ignored - that the two major parties have failed more than ever, that they have nominated two - not one - grossly unsuitable presidents. Unfortunately, the one other candidate who might have had a shot, Johnson, showed quickly that he not only did not know how to generate enthusiasm but embarrassed himself by showing he doesn't even seem to watch enough news shows to have a clue about foreign policy. Our national problem for the next 4-8 years will probably be Clinton, rather than Trump, and the continuing logjam in congress over most everything and the same old nonsense, not to mention, perhaps, more fall out when all the lies that were told come home to roost.
Frankly, our hope is that the economy is good for reasons other than our terrible leadership, that new technologies and other events allows us to keep plowing through. Trying to be optimistic. It's not easy.
1
The notion of seeing either Hillary or Donald in a bikini is nauseating. But their appearance calls into question the health of two oldest Presidential candidates ever. Both are old and obese. With the Reagan exception the next oldest was William Henry Harrison who died shortly after his inauguration.
These two ancient hoary tiresome Triassic era political dinosaurs need to release their entire personal and family medical histories including all of their medical tests results and physical data. Along with giving the American people access to their primary care and specialists by releasing them from any privacy restrictions. Neither appears particularly healthy from either a mental, emotional or physical perspective.
What do we know about their current diets and exercise practices? What medications are they taking for which conditions? Has either of them ever regularly been in any kind of locker room to engage in any physical activity?
These two ancient hoary tiresome Triassic era political dinosaurs need to release their entire personal and family medical histories including all of their medical tests results and physical data. Along with giving the American people access to their primary care and specialists by releasing them from any privacy restrictions. Neither appears particularly healthy from either a mental, emotional or physical perspective.
What do we know about their current diets and exercise practices? What medications are they taking for which conditions? Has either of them ever regularly been in any kind of locker room to engage in any physical activity?
2
Thanks for a very funny article. Trump couldn't possibly pass any of these tests. Certainly the personality inventory would reveal a lot. After the debate tonight Trump is history, not the good kind.
45
Maybe we should test Trump's supporters instead since they fail to see how inept he really is. Voters for Trump remind me of Dub'ya's supporters, blind to the weaknesses in their candidates. Both men were/are so ill prepared for the job and both had lousy advisers: Cheney with Bush and Breitbart with Trump. Bush, the near bankrupt, lost billions in Iraq and Trump the real bankrupt will tank the economy with his trade wars and pointless spending on a wall and no telling what wars he will start. It is not that far fetched to believe that Trump will produce the depression Bush started in 2008. Trump will proclaim the depression was brilliant because it allowed him to get real estate on the cheap and those who get laid off are losers.
170
The millennials have a sniff test for authenticity. Trump fails consistently. So does Hillary, sadly.
8
I hope those millennials are testing themselves. One that I spoke with (whom I respect) is not voting at all since he does not like either candidate. Authentic or not there is a choice that needs to be made--it isn't always clear cut and sometimes it's the lesser of two evils. He will learn the hard way. As the old saying goes: We are too soon old and too late smart.
3
They're snorting too many Tweets?
Tweets are not news. Tweets are nose candy.
It's time for the millennials to read full paragraphs and think hard about the wide world.
And, in fact, I trust that many of them (notably the women) do.
Undergraduates in this college town are hard working and whip smart. They'll figure it out. Over time.
Which is how we figured things out. When we were young.
Tweets are not news. Tweets are nose candy.
It's time for the millennials to read full paragraphs and think hard about the wide world.
And, in fact, I trust that many of them (notably the women) do.
Undergraduates in this college town are hard working and whip smart. They'll figure it out. Over time.
Which is how we figured things out. When we were young.
3
Guess who now fails Millennials "sniff test" the most? Bernie Sanders. When he now gets up to speak most just walk out.
2
dang the letters on the keyboard have milk all over them. my belly is sore from the laughter.
a few months ago the comic strip Bizarro had a drawing of don as marilyn trump in the gown over the subway opening. hair flying above his head in a long strand. quite funny really. that's all. well without Bizarros' permission i made it into a crudely drawn tee shirt. i get compliments daily at the gym or the car wash. just doing my small part for the trump campaign
a few months ago the comic strip Bizarro had a drawing of don as marilyn trump in the gown over the subway opening. hair flying above his head in a long strand. quite funny really. that's all. well without Bizarros' permission i made it into a crudely drawn tee shirt. i get compliments daily at the gym or the car wash. just doing my small part for the trump campaign
32
I'd buy that t-shirt.
3
"a few months ago the comic strip Bizarro had a drawing of don as marilyn trump in the gown over the subway opening. hair flying above his head in a long strand. quite funny really. that's all. well without Bizarros' permission i made it into a crudely drawn tee shirt. i get compliments daily at the gym or the car wash. just doing my small part for the trump campaign"
You, dpottman, are a true patriot.
You, dpottman, are a true patriot.
3
Trump in a bikini? Frank, if we're gonna have to unsee a visual, how about this one:
My dad used to say that all he needed for a bathing suit was a Bull Durham tobacco pouch, a small cotton sack with a drawstring. It covered up everything on the male torso that might frighten children and dogs and give women of a certain delicacy the vapors.
Trump's Dunlop belly might make it difficult to see even the label on such an outfit.
My dad used to say that all he needed for a bathing suit was a Bull Durham tobacco pouch, a small cotton sack with a drawstring. It covered up everything on the male torso that might frighten children and dogs and give women of a certain delicacy the vapors.
Trump's Dunlop belly might make it difficult to see even the label on such an outfit.
43
Wonderfully hilarious!
58
Let's also subject Trump to his own imagined "extreme vetting." This is the test Trump wants immigrants to take about respect for women, LBGTs, and different groups of people. Oops! Looks like Trump doesn't share our "American values."
38
@NM We should start with vetting Melania. She promised to release records showing that she came to this country legally and never worked without the proper visa. Of course, those proofs have never shown up since they are probably as nonexistent as her college degree in architecture!
The Donald's quite shameless,
But holds himself blameless.
His rise was quite brainless!
His fall won't be painless!
But holds himself blameless.
His rise was quite brainless!
His fall won't be painless!
156
You're giving Trump credit for knowing what a crustacean is? Come on!
171
On the subject of "credit check", I have bets around town that The Media will be stiffed by Trump on some of thee advertising bills he has racked up over the last year and a half. After all, he is blaming he media in the same wy he blame his contractors? no? Or maybe you guys have a "Show me the money" policy when it comes to campaigns?
35
Actually working on the production side of TV spots beginning in the Reagan era we producers were mentored first thing to get upfront payment from politicians and rock/pop/hiphop music groups. We would not lift a finger without a cashier´s check for full production costs.
3
I'm waiting to see him stiff Kelly Ann Conway after he looses. That would be real justice.
2
Nicely done. Little to add. You hit all the notes.
36
Man, you nailed it Frank. If it were really fun. The jokes on the American voters.
17
A geography test: He must be conflating Vietnam and Iraq. Vietnam (clearly he would not have been for it as it potentially put him at risk) and Iraq which he magically thinks he didn't support.
15
Hilarious column! Trump in a bikini? Think about that one going into the voting booth on November 8.
I loved this one: "RORSCHACH Imagine the fun. Trump is shown an inkblot that looks to most people like a melting pumpkin."
Trump is a Rorschach test--a misshapen orange blob that free associates his many anxieties on numerous subjects he knows nothing about. Yet voters look at the blob and perceive very different things.
Trump supporters look and listen to the blob with religious fervor and see their savior (good candidates/turkeys for receiving his well-practiced Trump Stiff-a-Roo).
Others look at the blob with disgust and horror--especially women, who see the blob as representing their worst experiences with sexist, misogynist, and predatory men. This is also an excellent test of empathy for men and whether they react with disgust to the blob or see it as signifying their deep-seated passionate quest for machismo and white supremacy.
Also see pumpkins--called "Trumpkins"--carved in the likeness of Donald Trump: http://indianexpress.com/photos/trending-gallery/donald-trump-halloween-...
I loved this one: "RORSCHACH Imagine the fun. Trump is shown an inkblot that looks to most people like a melting pumpkin."
Trump is a Rorschach test--a misshapen orange blob that free associates his many anxieties on numerous subjects he knows nothing about. Yet voters look at the blob and perceive very different things.
Trump supporters look and listen to the blob with religious fervor and see their savior (good candidates/turkeys for receiving his well-practiced Trump Stiff-a-Roo).
Others look at the blob with disgust and horror--especially women, who see the blob as representing their worst experiences with sexist, misogynist, and predatory men. This is also an excellent test of empathy for men and whether they react with disgust to the blob or see it as signifying their deep-seated passionate quest for machismo and white supremacy.
Also see pumpkins--called "Trumpkins"--carved in the likeness of Donald Trump: http://indianexpress.com/photos/trending-gallery/donald-trump-halloween-...
20
"I'm no longer Jung"--Frank, you rascal!
123
Moderator:
"Mr. Trump, how many members in the House of Representatives"?
Trump:
"All of them".
Moderator:
"Thank you Ms. Palin...sorry, Mr. Trump".
"Mr. Trump, how many members in the House of Representatives"?
Trump:
"All of them".
Moderator:
"Thank you Ms. Palin...sorry, Mr. Trump".
44
I'm in awe of Hillary, who faces not only 90 minutes of sliming by this stalking, foaming-at-the-mouth predator in front of an international audience but ALSO relentless pressure to emerge "likeable," unflappable, and got forbid--never, ever angry. Good lord, she even has to SMILE while this happens!
Yes, she is more well-prepared for the presidency than any male candidate I've ever seen.
Yes, she is more well-prepared for the presidency than any male candidate I've ever seen.
641
She has already been subjected to the full range of political psychopathy. The arsenal of right wing madness is depleted.
3
I consider myself one tough, smart, capable old women. But, every day, I wonder at the strength and endurance of Hillary Clinton in the face of Trump followers -- and many non-followers who should know better -- and their unrelenting animosity.
She is one damned amazing woman. I love her.
She is one damned amazing woman. I love her.
7
Smile, yes, except not too much. Don't forget that.
2
You guys still don't get it. He's a BUSINESSMAN!
4
And a bad one at that - 6 bankruptcies, thousands of lawsuits filed against his entities, and thousands of small contractors stiffed. As Michael Bloomberg, truly successful businessman said, "God help us" if Trump's business sense were to be relied on to run our country.
127
Did you know he's running for President?
3
After scrubbing my frontal cortex for hours, with brain bleach, the image of Trump in a bikini, is still there...thanks a lot Mr. Bruni!
41
How about a pair of speedos instead?
2
Hilarious!
Though the headline did make me want to throw up...
Though the headline did make me want to throw up...
10
Trump in a Bikini??? Frank, is yours not a fascination with the abomination?: "...oh the horror, the horror!"
14
Another useless article from Bruni. Trump in Bikini & Hilary in string bikini, and what about you, Frank? Why does MY N.Y. Times allows such rubbish to appear on the front page, beats me.!Shame on you, shame on MY N.Y. Times.
4
Lighten up please. This election has been so toxic, a little fun at the expense of the trumpster is what we need to get us through the next few weeks before he fades to obscurity
7
Lighten up, Madigan. In this election cycle we need some humor because otherwise we'd all be suicidal.
4
It's funny. It's to laugh at in an otherwise unfunny campaign season. Your candidate is absurd, so why not laugh at him.
4
Bruni is the best. Trump ignorance is profound. Some of his supporters are planning to harass those who do not speak "American".
41
Right. Would speaking "American" be Navajo, Gullah, or Pennsylvania Deutsch?
52
Working Mama -- Good. Add French (Louisiana and northern New England), Inuktitut (Alaska), and -- gasp, horror -- Spanish (spoken in the Southwest long before that region became part of the U.S.)
43
Thank you Frank, you made my morning.
28
You forgot the DNA test. Such an inhumane campaign could only be run by an illegal alien from another planet.
94
I was thinking rabies test....
217
Well Frank, you've violated the Michelle Obama Rule (When they go low . . .), but I still love it.
16
While Trump in bikini sounds funny, some things you just can't unsee.
9
Yep, guessing the only thing worse might be Frank Bruni in a bikini. Wonder if the TImes will print this?
2
We wouldn't notice that Mr. Bruni was wearing a bikini because we'd be listing to the brilliant, funny stuff he'd be saying.
But I'd bet he'd look cute, anyway.
But I'd bet he'd look cute, anyway.
3
Frank is cute.
4
when things go low, bruni goes lower
2
One of your best ever! The trouble with the bikini test is the damage wrought upon the viewers, many of whom would die laughing.
14
Hmmm, a melting pumpkin and a misshapen crustacean.....
My diagnosis: Election Stress Disorder.
Treatment recommendation: SNL debates.
My diagnosis: Election Stress Disorder.
Treatment recommendation: SNL debates.
10
no ,he wouldn't know the word "crustacean"
9
Humorous ridicule can help bring him down where treating him seriously, with "balance", failed.
7
Thank you Frank for your humorous columns about Trump. You and other columnists such as Dana Milbank and late night comedians (John Oliver especially) have helped me survive the Orange Madman. And thanks also to the great journaliists of the NYT and WaPo who may have collectively saved the US from this idiot.
10
Your comments lost all credibility when you claimed that Donald understood the meaning of the word "crustacean."
10
Could Frank Bruni be the next Jon Stewart? Satiric charm that skewers while entertaining is greatly appreciated. Although I'm not sure how to get the image of Trump in a Speedo out of my mind....
3
Is this the best you can do? I know you just be exhausted, but we rely on you every morning to stoke the fire of freedom.
As even casual readers of the NYT comments can attest, I am no fan of Donald J. Trump. However, this op-ed reads like the catty texts of the girls of the in-crowd in high school. As Washington observed (Booker T., not George) "You can't hold a man down without staying down with him". Mud wrestling with Donald Trump is pointless. He has and will continue to sully himself without any help from us.
2
But we desperately need all the laughs we can get about the national disgrace of this candidate and his followers.
3
I find it cruel and inappropriate to laugh at the clinically mentally ill among us, Trump included.
All excellent suggestions, and I suspect Trump would fail every one. You might add in there an IQ test (he claims his IQ is one of the highest) and the Armed Forces test. Documentation should be demanded. His birth certificate, his grade transcripts, tax returns, and college applications should all be released (most of these he demanded from President Obama).
But he would then complain about grading on a curve, or try to apply the Bell Curve (or the Charles Murray quiz).
With Trump though who always implies that he has a MBA from Wharton when he only has a BS, he might look at "All I Ever Needed to Know I learned in Kindergarten" but even there he would fail: .
-- Share everything (epic fail).
-- Play fair (another epic fail).
-- Don't take things that aren't yours (like hundreds of millions of other taxpayers' money).
-- Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody. (Tell that to all the workers and small businesses he stiffed; and all the women that he assaulted or insulted.)
-- Ignorance and power and pride are a deadly mixture, you know. (He doesn't.)
-- I get tired of hearing it's a crummy world and that people are no damned good. What kind of talk is that?
But he would then complain about grading on a curve, or try to apply the Bell Curve (or the Charles Murray quiz).
With Trump though who always implies that he has a MBA from Wharton when he only has a BS, he might look at "All I Ever Needed to Know I learned in Kindergarten" but even there he would fail: .
-- Share everything (epic fail).
-- Play fair (another epic fail).
-- Don't take things that aren't yours (like hundreds of millions of other taxpayers' money).
-- Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody. (Tell that to all the workers and small businesses he stiffed; and all the women that he assaulted or insulted.)
-- Ignorance and power and pride are a deadly mixture, you know. (He doesn't.)
-- I get tired of hearing it's a crummy world and that people are no damned good. What kind of talk is that?
12
Wicked good,, Frank!
8
I am sure older gay men would vie to see Trump in his bikini sashaying down a runaway, maybe that's your fantasy too Mr. Bruni! Politics and sex go hand in hand!
3
Romney dissed 47% of americans as unchangeable "takers". Now we all object to about 38% as Trumpists. HRC says half of that group consists of "deplorables". Class struggle, anyone?
I have to agree the deplorables have no class. But that doesn't make it a class struggle.
1
Psychiatrist. Verify the diagnosis: Paranoid Delusions.
4
Psychological test.
1
I always enjoy reading Frank Bruno's excellent writing, whether it's about food or politics, whether the tone is dead serious or totally amusing. I needed this column --and a smile--this morning!
9
My own personal debate fantasy is that each candidate is placed before a map of the world showing the outline of every country – but no names. Outside of each other’s field of vision they have to identify each country. Secretary “112” Clinton can name them all while Donald “I don’t read” Trump tops out in single digits, visibly exposing his fundamental knowledge deficiencies about the world he wants to dominate. He then overcompensates for his public humiliation at being outperformed by claiming the test is rigged.
19
Donald Trump is an expert at innuendo. This is why he keeps yapping about drug tests for the presidential candidates. He's riled up over all the comments about his chronic sniffing, even as he denies there has been any sniffing at all. Unless the microphone did it. If he can imply somehow that Clinton is using drugs, his little fan club will take it as a sign from above that Trump isn't a crackhead. Personally, he's making such a stink about it that I think it might be more than allergies.
I took the citizenship test myself, and found that it piqued my interest in American history and politics. I'd love to see Donald Trump try to rattle off the original thirteen colonies on live TV. But why make it hard on the poor dolt? Can't they just ask him to name the sitting conservative justices on the Supreme Court? Hillary Clinton would have to name the remainder, just so there wasn't any "no fair" about it.
As for the other tests, Dr Bornstein will have the very best possible results for you in five minutes.
I took the citizenship test myself, and found that it piqued my interest in American history and politics. I'd love to see Donald Trump try to rattle off the original thirteen colonies on live TV. But why make it hard on the poor dolt? Can't they just ask him to name the sitting conservative justices on the Supreme Court? Hillary Clinton would have to name the remainder, just so there wasn't any "no fair" about it.
As for the other tests, Dr Bornstein will have the very best possible results for you in five minutes.
9
I clicked on this thinking it was about Melania. Did anyone else see the Daily Show last night where they played her Fox & CNN interviews split screen and Melania was in sync with herself, pretty much word for word? Not like her answers were coached or rehearsed or anything...
Great column. I think the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory is a test Donald can really win. He'd have huge scores in every category.
The driving test comment is priceless.
Great column. I think the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory is a test Donald can really win. He'd have huge scores in every category.
The driving test comment is priceless.
16
I saw that. I loved the part where Cooper had to point out to her that Trump was 59 at the time the groping tape was recorded.
3
Double irony is that Melania's responses were an almost exact echo of those made by Hillary Clinton -- thirty years ago when defending her husband. This is the second time that poor Melania's been made to look foolish by copying a President's wife.
Trump in a Speedo. Please tell me that's beyond rock bottom.
Now I am starting to fear the apocalypse.
Now I am starting to fear the apocalypse.
6
If he only had a rock bottom. His bottom is yuge, spongy and decidedly soft covered by his loose jacket. A beauty queen he ain't. He's definitely NOT my first choice.
1
"Tests." Trump would ask. "I don't need to take any tests. I'm great! I will make America great! That's all that matters!"
Guess what Trump? On election night, you will find out you failed, big time!
Guess what Trump? On election night, you will find out you failed, big time!
6
Or, just let him name the capital of the closest and the most natural ally of the United States: Canada.
6
"Trump in a Bikini"? I will have to work hard to get that image out of my head. He's bad enough fully clothed!
6
Frank, none of us are as Jung as we used to be. Your columns are worth the price of the subscription. Ask your boss for a raise.
48
Why not just have them arm wrestle on the debate stage and spare us all the rest of it?
Thanks to this column for some therapeutic humor.
In reality, Trump is too ridiculous for standard language. He is grotesque beyond description.
In reality, Trump is too ridiculous for standard language. He is grotesque beyond description.
17
Hillary should trade his drug test for an IQ test. And she should invite the Obamas and the Bidens to sit in the front row during the debate.
9
I think Donald J Trump needed more hugs as a boy.
6
Stamina. Let's test his stamina by having him do a cardiac stress test on a treadmill on live TV.
9
Thank you for this column - witty humor without the false equivalency we see too often, and a nice break in the tawdry lead-up to tonight's debate.
9
It hurts to laugh this hard, so early in the morning.
If only it were more funny than true.
It's clear that Trump's supporters don't read NYT. One might wonder if they read at all. While they're frustrated with government, they don't seem to recognize that the GOP is largely responsible for wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and logjammed do-nothing Congress, over the last 16 eyars. But, by God,
they're republicans.
I don't get it. Are they all idiots?
If only it were more funny than true.
It's clear that Trump's supporters don't read NYT. One might wonder if they read at all. While they're frustrated with government, they don't seem to recognize that the GOP is largely responsible for wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and logjammed do-nothing Congress, over the last 16 eyars. But, by God,
they're republicans.
I don't get it. Are they all idiots?
17
BULLS EYE!!!!
10
Trump supporters are not idiots. True, some of them look like actors from Deliverance who have left their banjos at home. Some of them, still young, were in the Military and have sent their children to Boot Camp if they fail at school. There are other newspapers they read, the New York Post for one is a favorite. I liked it too in the afternoon when taking a break at work, although it always left an inky smudge on my hands, but Page 6., the Social column, would keep one up to date on Trump's current marital status, which came in handy when sending out holiday cards.
3
Excellent, Frank!
Of course, the endgame of this campaign has now turned into one big stress test for him.
Of course, the endgame of this campaign has now turned into one big stress test for him.
9
Although there is truth in humor, some may vote for The Donald thinking that this election is some sort of joke. As President The Donald would not be a clown as no clown has the power to destroy life on Earth. He would be a joyless fool topped only by the deplorable FOOLS who voted for him.
11
This is very funny; but it's more scary. What surprises will the debate have for us tonight?
5
Very funny, witty, snappy...actually, I only skimmed through the column. Every. Single. Day, NYT columnists churn out 3 or 4 new pieces on Trump. It's remarkable. You all must be struggling to come up with original angles and so proud of yourself when you do.
The thing is, you have nothing new to say, and not a word that changes anything, or enlightens or is even truly amusing except maybe to your uptown friends.
You all continue on with the smug, and too-clever-by-half articles and op-eds - you're certainly paid well for them, but what's the value?
This election is a grotesquerie. Other than HRC's most devoted and obsequious followers, the upper echelons of corporate media, and the professional minions who work for both campaigns, millions of people have checked out.
On TV and in the press, the hysteria over Trump, sometimes expressed comedically - but always at peak volume is all-pervasive. But no one else cares. People have been bombarded and assaulted with this stuff 24/7, while trying to make it through another day economically. While they're facing real problems - you all shriek again about Trump.
HRC is almost non-existent really. No wonder there's so little enthusiasm for her, she's like a ghost in this election. Maybe that's better for her, keep her a wispy figure in the background and no one will notice her corporate or warmongering ways.
But y'all keep on writing - I can hardly wait for the next column - what will it be on? I'm on the edge of my seat.
The thing is, you have nothing new to say, and not a word that changes anything, or enlightens or is even truly amusing except maybe to your uptown friends.
You all continue on with the smug, and too-clever-by-half articles and op-eds - you're certainly paid well for them, but what's the value?
This election is a grotesquerie. Other than HRC's most devoted and obsequious followers, the upper echelons of corporate media, and the professional minions who work for both campaigns, millions of people have checked out.
On TV and in the press, the hysteria over Trump, sometimes expressed comedically - but always at peak volume is all-pervasive. But no one else cares. People have been bombarded and assaulted with this stuff 24/7, while trying to make it through another day economically. While they're facing real problems - you all shriek again about Trump.
HRC is almost non-existent really. No wonder there's so little enthusiasm for her, she's like a ghost in this election. Maybe that's better for her, keep her a wispy figure in the background and no one will notice her corporate or warmongering ways.
But y'all keep on writing - I can hardly wait for the next column - what will it be on? I'm on the edge of my seat.
5
Better yet, have Clinton and Trump face off as follows to determine the true winner, instead of risking rigged elections.
1) Arm wrestling
2) Thumb wrestling
3) Mud wrestling
4) Mensa test from airplane magazines
5) Shots at debate - last man/woman standing
Trump does a shot for each sniffle and Clinton does a shot for each fake smile.
Only then, will we have a true winner.
1) Arm wrestling
2) Thumb wrestling
3) Mud wrestling
4) Mensa test from airplane magazines
5) Shots at debate - last man/woman standing
Trump does a shot for each sniffle and Clinton does a shot for each fake smile.
Only then, will we have a true winner.
2
Why worry about all that: let's just order another bucket of KFC, spicy or mild, original recipe or crispy?
1
The weakness of our nation from corruption is reflected in your piece, talking about bikinis and perpetuating the cheapness that you criticize. Would you mock? Is that what talented writers do for fellow citizens? Inconvenient truth is something not to be shied away from, but you've done a good job at it. HRC knowingly created a system to store government secrets off-line, unsecured, as if it were her own private possession, she knew that her job involved the handling of the highest government secrets, when it was discovered she told the entire country that it was for "convenience" not to carry two cell phones and that she told the entire country there were "no classified information" on her emails, these were false exculpatory statements to cover, HRC's husband met with the attorney general privately on a plane days before the interview of HRC, the interview was not under oath, not recorded, 5 immunity agreements, and the director of the FBI pronounced no reasonable prosecutor would bring a case, even though that is not his decision to make. If you simply "pile on" with bikinis you might get a lot of other people to "pile on," and certainly you will have succeeded in doing that, but do you not have any desire to confront a problem of corruption? Why are you turning a blind eye from it, why are you looking at an easy target and moving your pen to write vain things?
Charles, if you want to fix what you see as corruption, you need to figure out how to get rid of The Best Congress Money Can Buy.
I think that congressional term limits, and publicly funded federal elections are the only way. Give each valid candidate, including independents the same amount of money to work with...and forbid private donations. That would level the playing field. and it would mean that representatives could concentrate on governing, and not on fund raising for an election 2 years away.
Allow 2 terms in each house. Right now that would be 4 years in the house and 12 in the senate. Plenty long enough in DC...and get out of the way and let younger and brighter folks contribute.
Unfortunately, that's going to take a significant number of the 535 agreeing to break up their comfortable nests. So making it happen will require one hell of a groundswell from the electorate.
...and in passing, you do recognize that the entire Hillary e-mail controversy is mostly GOP hype, don't you? It was no-harm, no-foul, with after-the-fact declaration of classified material. Nothing but political horse hockey, once again.
so... who's corrupt? who's out for themselves? Which party sees politics as a zero sum game? This goes way back to the watergate era, and it has only gotten worse with time.
I think that congressional term limits, and publicly funded federal elections are the only way. Give each valid candidate, including independents the same amount of money to work with...and forbid private donations. That would level the playing field. and it would mean that representatives could concentrate on governing, and not on fund raising for an election 2 years away.
Allow 2 terms in each house. Right now that would be 4 years in the house and 12 in the senate. Plenty long enough in DC...and get out of the way and let younger and brighter folks contribute.
Unfortunately, that's going to take a significant number of the 535 agreeing to break up their comfortable nests. So making it happen will require one hell of a groundswell from the electorate.
...and in passing, you do recognize that the entire Hillary e-mail controversy is mostly GOP hype, don't you? It was no-harm, no-foul, with after-the-fact declaration of classified material. Nothing but political horse hockey, once again.
so... who's corrupt? who's out for themselves? Which party sees politics as a zero sum game? This goes way back to the watergate era, and it has only gotten worse with time.
4
Please locate and find proof of the "corruption," then bring it to the comments section of the NY Times
5
Thank you for summing it up, Mr. Bruni. I can't think of one positive, helpful, earth-or-people friendly act, or even ordinary act of kindness or any trace of decent humanity, this Joker has ever exhibited. That he has any supporters is puzzling? appalling? frightening? horrifying? Yes.
21
We now know that Trump doesn't like Mexican people, African Americans (or, probably, Africans either, for that matter), Jews, Hispanics, Democrats, the GOP, Paul Ryan, world leaders not Putin or Kim Jong Un, fat women, chubby women, regular women, old women, old men, veterans, dead soldiers, the truth, science, articulate thought, good manners, and America (it's not great enough apparently)...well, there doesn't seem to be much on his approved-of list except money, supermodels and one of his daughters. 40 million US citizens think that's OK. This is just sickening.
1177
You forget. He likes himself.
1
Frank, don't do this to me first thing in the morning. I almost spit my breakfast laughing so hard!
You missed one important measurement: Trump's, er, hand size plus 433.
Grab that one.
You missed one important measurement: Trump's, er, hand size plus 433.
Grab that one.
28
Forget the bikini. Trump should be wearing an orange jump suit for sexual assault.
237
Mr. Bruni - you hit this one out the park. When trump first mentioned the drug test, the only response I could come up with was that Hillary would if he would take a critical thinking test or exam, a civics and history test.
You, sir, have done a much better job of coming up with some interesting tests for him. And for that, we, your readers, thank you. "The amount of federal income taxes you paid in 1995 plus 435." That sentence had me spitting my coffee out over the monitor.
I will be looking forward to reading your review of the debate.
You, sir, have done a much better job of coming up with some interesting tests for him. And for that, we, your readers, thank you. "The amount of federal income taxes you paid in 1995 plus 435." That sentence had me spitting my coffee out over the monitor.
I will be looking forward to reading your review of the debate.
520
How about if Hillary promises to take a drug test if and only if Trump releases all of his tax returns...first.
2
Agree!! This one was not only pithy, but hysterical !!! GREAT column !!!
Wasn't the hint you gave Trump "The amount of federal income taxes you paid in 1995 plus 435." way too hard for him? A good teacher must teach to the level and comprehension abilities of the student. Please don't make things too hard for him. (Does excess hairspray cause brain damage? Or does it only cause brain damage in orange men?)
I dearly hope the Trumpster has time to read this excellent abuse. He might sue, of course, but Lord knows there are no grounds for it.
Well done!
Well done!
14
Does Trump regularly vote in Presidential elections? Would be interesting to see his voting history to see how much he really cares about his country.
35
I think just the drug test would do. All the rest is clear for observation.
8
This mockery works fine for those of us who are nauseated by him, but it seems to add little to the discussion.
Humor. At this point, we need it.
13
I appreciate your satire, but I can't laugh. Trump is so obviously deficient, yet he is championed by many.
We'll be treated to more of his absurdities in the next three weeks, and probably more after he loses.
Laughing won't stop this train wreck.
We'll be treated to more of his absurdities in the next three weeks, and probably more after he loses.
Laughing won't stop this train wreck.
11
It's my firm belief that any man, any time, who criticizes a woman's appearance should post a picture of himself before speaking.
16
Naw, just a good old beauty contest will do. The hair alone would boot him but I think he deserves the humiliation of the walk down the runway before cameras of nitpicking critics along with the beautiful people he holds the targets of his bullying up against. Then see him be unable to convincingly say world peace is greatest desire, not money and celebrity. He's just not up to the task. Trump has no real talent, his celebrity is based solely on being nasty and that's just not a eligible talent in a beauty contest. He does not play well with others so those group numbers with themed props. Trump would be the one falling and tripping like in so many movies of failed beauty contestants, except unlike those movies he would not be loveably inept, he'd just be straight up a clutzy hot mess.
I can't help it, I imagine the bucket of pig blood coming down on him a la Carrie rigged en mass by all the women he's groped or insulted publically.
Now THAT I'd really like to see.
I can't help it, I imagine the bucket of pig blood coming down on him a la Carrie rigged en mass by all the women he's groped or insulted publically.
Now THAT I'd really like to see.
10
You should have included a "Wealth Test," Mr. Bruni, as Trump is more prickly about that than anything else.
The late comedian Joan Rivers is supposed to have said, “Donald Trump’s rule was, don’t say I have less money than I say I do. Make fun of my kids, do whatever you want, just don’t say I don’t have that much money.”
Mrs. Clinton can throw Trump off his game tonight by saying he's not really a billionaire because of the debt he supposedly owes to Chinese banks and so on.
The late comedian Joan Rivers is supposed to have said, “Donald Trump’s rule was, don’t say I have less money than I say I do. Make fun of my kids, do whatever you want, just don’t say I don’t have that much money.”
Mrs. Clinton can throw Trump off his game tonight by saying he's not really a billionaire because of the debt he supposedly owes to Chinese banks and so on.
8
Thanks a lot for locking into my head the image of Donald Trump in a bikini before I eat breakfast. I may be able to touch a bite. One of your best, Mr. Bruni. At this point, ridicule is the only logical response.
398
The photographer who took the "Skiddles" picture Trump's son tweeted out with racist comments was used without his consent. In fact the man's website clearly states you may not use his photos for anything without his permission.
I guess licensing fees only apply to the word Trump.
I think that few Americans could pass that Citizenship test, including Hannity and O'Reily. I took it and passed. So did my Miss Housekeeper and she plans on voting this election.
I guess licensing fees only apply to the word Trump.
I think that few Americans could pass that Citizenship test, including Hannity and O'Reily. I took it and passed. So did my Miss Housekeeper and she plans on voting this election.
25
And Donald continues to use music of Rolling Stones and others without consent, saying his rallies are private meetings. Right. And they have asked him to stop. So he doesn't get copyright law either.
29
I remember coaching my husband for his citizenship test in 1963. He knows more about this country and its laws than most Americans. And, in my day, the 40's and 50's, we actually learned about our history and civics. The Supreme Court voting on a bill? Where does that come from?
8
Not the least bit funny. I suppose it is hard to edit attempts at humor but one would hope the Times could afford to tell Mr. Bruni the truth about his effort.
1
This would be hilarious if only it weren't so horribly true. I found myself seriously nodding vigorously over several of the potential diagnoses.
14
Since we're going low here (for fun of course), one of the rare times I've seen Trump from the rear was during the Town Hall debate. He shouldn't be the one talking about big butts,
24
I am pretty sure he would pass the lie detector test with flying colors.
1
People "fail" a lie detector test because they unconsciously, and uncontrollably, react to lying. Habitual liars can "pass" the test because they feel no guilt for their untruth. Mr. Trump likely would pass the lie detector test with flying colours.
8
Sociopaths often pass lie detector tests.
Their total lack of humanity often comes off as truthfulness when it is really soullessness and a complete lack of remorse that tricks the technology.
Their total lack of humanity often comes off as truthfulness when it is really soullessness and a complete lack of remorse that tricks the technology.
8
Reading this at times very funny column raises serious concerns for the future in this reader's mind if only because what will happen in less than three weeks when the Donald is gone to writers like Frank Bruni who will be compelled, in the normal way of things, to venture back into the murky fray and therein have to struggle mightily (no less than twice weekly!) to come up with a catchy hook and an ideologically pure angle?
I wonder if we will be subjected to more sniffing and snuffling tonight. I for one think that he suggested the drug test for Hillary because of his very obvious nasal challenges in the first debate, and even more in the second!
Once again, he consistently tries to deflect the valid criticisms leveled at him onto Secretary Clinton.
Very clever column, Mr. Bruni!
Once again, he consistently tries to deflect the valid criticisms leveled at him onto Secretary Clinton.
Very clever column, Mr. Bruni!
20
The lie-detector test wouldn't burst into flames; it would show a flat line for the entire debate because the man has no conscience.
37
Despite his sex crimes and fraud at Trump University and his many contractor scams and real estate cons, the man is judgment proof as he can always resort to the insanity defense.
8
This is just crackerjack fun.
It inspired me to Google the word "schaudenfreude."
To make sure I spelled it correctly. Still not perfectly confident.
Sharp humor should keep us (those of us who despise Mr. Trump and hope, even pray, that the poison he's released in the electorate will flow somehow along the sewers and come bubbling up through the gilded faucets if his Trump Towers ... and that he and his posed progeny will lose money ... their one true love) sane until November 9.
And if we win the Senate, I will don a bikini and dance in the streets. (Not a pretty picture ... but happy.)
It inspired me to Google the word "schaudenfreude."
To make sure I spelled it correctly. Still not perfectly confident.
Sharp humor should keep us (those of us who despise Mr. Trump and hope, even pray, that the poison he's released in the electorate will flow somehow along the sewers and come bubbling up through the gilded faucets if his Trump Towers ... and that he and his posed progeny will lose money ... their one true love) sane until November 9.
And if we win the Senate, I will don a bikini and dance in the streets. (Not a pretty picture ... but happy.)
7
Donald Trump's hypocrisy is boundless, and nowhere is it more evident that his penchant for "fat-shaming" women. He does this with regularity despite the fact that he is obese. He tried to get into the overweight category by having his doctor add an inch to his height, as if 70-year-old men experience growth spurts. We have never seen him without his suit coat. He is hiding more than his tax returns under his clothing. He does no exercise and eats junk food all day, then claims he has more "stamina" than Hillary, and his doctor says he'll be the healthiest president ever elected. It's mind-boggling.
41
To be fair, though, the definition of obese seems absurd judging by the fit people I know whose doctor has told them they are obese.
1
I would love to see how "bigly" Trump would do on a citizenship test.
"I will score so high, I'd break the test. That I can tell you, believe me."
"I will score so high, I'd break the test. That I can tell you, believe me."
12
Trump would not use the word ''crustacean''--too many syllables.
He is, in all, a bad joke that threatens to stain our national character. The only response is a crushing repudiation of him, and those who enable him, on November 8.
He is, in all, a bad joke that threatens to stain our national character. The only response is a crushing repudiation of him, and those who enable him, on November 8.
8
Clinton should agree to drug tests if Trump will agree to a 72 hour evaluation at a mental hospital. If nothing else, at least we'd have 72 hours of relative quiet.
939
But, consider the staff at the mental hospital! Doing good work in a hard job, this would be a career buster.
2
Uh-oh... she might be accused of 'quid pro quo'.
Can they hold him for another 22 days instead of 72 hours?
4
Missing from this list is an actual drug test for Trump himself. He has compulsively projected his own shortcomings onto his opponents, so I imagine in this case that his accusation that Clinton used drugs is actually a confession of his own misbehavior in that regard. Please, let's provide the cup. But we must monitor Trump as he provides the sample, for the test may well be rigged...
7
How about a religious test.
After all, he's proposing one for vetting immigrants.
My guess is he hasn't been to a church since his third nuptial.
Republican's sure let us know who Obama's pastor was when he first ran.
Once it is disclosed that he never goes to church we can listen as his evangelical supporters rationalize that away, in the same fashion they've forgiven his other 'sins'.
After all, he's proposing one for vetting immigrants.
My guess is he hasn't been to a church since his third nuptial.
Republican's sure let us know who Obama's pastor was when he first ran.
Once it is disclosed that he never goes to church we can listen as his evangelical supporters rationalize that away, in the same fashion they've forgiven his other 'sins'.
8
Hilarious! But the sad thing is, even if Trump were to take every test mentioned, even if the flames from that lie detector engulfed the debate stage, the majority of Republicans in Congress including the smarmy Ryan and McConnell, would continue to endorse him.
11
Precisely the sort of indigestible tripe one expects of a food critic lost in the world of superior intellectual cuisine and equipped with just the sorbet spoon.
1
There's no such utensil as a "sorbet spoon," Eileen.
And food critics are highly qualified to separate the wheat from the chaff; and the gourmet product from the junk food.
And food critics are highly qualified to separate the wheat from the chaff; and the gourmet product from the junk food.
4
Sigh, I have been wondering if his supporters could pass that citizenship test. This campaign is testing my patience. The whole nation is undergoing a stress test.
8
I looked online for a can of leeches that says, "Let Them Eat Trump" on it, but failed to find any. Perhaps some smart entrepreneur should quickly start a new business? I have a feeling most of the world's population would want one!
4
On the last two tests: Trump got Dick Cheney's old ticker, which mixed with Don's overtaxed brain stem proves beyond doubt that a primitive chickenhawk can do not much more than run off at the mouth just like any other garden variety passive-aggressive.
The lie detector wouldn't register a blip. Trump is only comfortable in his incubated universe of lies. Beyond it, the whining is the tell-tale: rather if he told the truth, the stress of it would cause the print mechanism to spontaneously re-purpose itself as a Rorschach test generator.
The lie detector wouldn't register a blip. Trump is only comfortable in his incubated universe of lies. Beyond it, the whining is the tell-tale: rather if he told the truth, the stress of it would cause the print mechanism to spontaneously re-purpose itself as a Rorschach test generator.
All true, but the hairstyle comment (vision test) is a bit low. This piece borders on bad-sport humor a la fringe Republican "journalism." Yes, Trump is full of hot hair. Yes, he is unqualified. Yes, he's a bully. Yes, he probably wears a corset. But, I worry most about his effect on political dialogue, as shown here.
1
I'm not so sure about the lie detector test. My impression is that he believes everything he says, at the moment he says it, even if it conflicts with something he said one minute, one hour, one day, one month, or one year previously.
12
Four years ago such a column would be unimaginable. Neither candidate then, or eight or twelve years back, could have reaped such justifiably on target derisive humor. Bruni has taken off the figurative gloves of decorum and written a brilliantly funny caricature of Trump which fits to a T the very un-Presidential candidate far better than any of the over-sized suits the defiantly uninformed man wears. This gasbag Trump suffers from the delusion that whatever he proclaims is, in fact, true, especially when repeated ad nauseum.
14
If Trump loses in a landslide, if his brand goes bust and it turns out he's broke, if he ends up a salaried clown on one of our many right-wing extremist websistes or entertainment networks, then I will be first in line to point and laugh. But for now I'm too terrified to laugh. I've been through too many presidential elections where the Democrat-favoring polls were wrong, or shifted at the last minute. Not to pick on Mr. Bruni, but for now I wish all the columnists and all the people with a public voice would focus on speaking to the millions of Americans who support Trump or who have decided they can stomach him. Try to make them question their false assumptions about him, instead of confirming their false opinions about you.
6
How about a "change the diaper" test too? Trump has a number of children, but I think the chances are pretty close to nil that he's ever changed a diaper, had to wake up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying infant, or needed to rush a sick child himself to the doctor. With an army of butlers and servants, he's been insulated from the challenges and demands of parenthood. We need action on policies for working families like paid parental leave and improved access to daycare, but we'll never see any real momentum on this from a President Trump because he has never--even once (I'll bet you)--labored in the trenches of parenthood. Without that intuitive, visceral understanding (no poop or vomit on his shirt) he'll never really know what it can be like, and we'll all suffer on his inattentiveness on the issue because of it.
16
If Americans reject Trump but reelect a Republican Congress you won't see any change in those laws either. You'll see at least two and probably four more years of obstruction and dysfunction. DT is simply the head of a party that abhors government. If you want change, vote Democrats into those Republican seats.
4
Frank, thanks for the levity. I am so concerned that on November 8 Donald Trump could be elected our next president, that I lose sight of what a clown (no insult to clowns intended) he is. An image of him strutting around in a bathing suit, or heaven help us, in his undies, had me howling with laughter, and very sure, as only the Donald could quack, he "would not be my first choice."
371
"....... strutting around in a bathing suit", let alone a bikini ?
He's "bigly", appearing to have a BMI greater than 30 & probably needs a "burkini".
He's "bigly", appearing to have a BMI greater than 30 & probably needs a "burkini".
1
Ooh, now that's an image I'll never be able to unsee!
1
How execrable, how cruel, how excellent your exegesis on Trump in a bikini, Frank! You are bigly correct and mean as cat's pee - but the bitterness we feel about Trump's demented presidential campaign - making us the laughingstock of the world - isn't funny now. On this earth, we are all dealt the cards we play from our first to last breaths. And those who tempt the fates with hubris, best-laid plans, counting our chickens too soon, laying out the future in positive and agreeable pie-in-the-sky terms don't always accomplish their yuge agendas, don't always get what they want. How many Americans will not bother to vote this election? Or leave the Presidential blank empty of their vote, and write in wisecracks for the President - Bob Dylan or Kim Kardashian - for fun? What a pity we cannot all write in Barack Hussein Obama or Michelle Robinson Obama on our precious ballots. Sometimes making fun of a candidate leads to introspection of one's self. Not to put too fine a point on it - yesterday there was a fat colorful life-size statue of Hillary Clinton, nekkid save for a white bikini bottom, with cloven hooves and a Wall Street panderer hugging her at the Bowling Green Subway Station in lower Manhattan. It was not a sight for any eyes, but did express how one artist felt about Hillary Clinton for President. The fat lady isn't going to be singing after tonight's debate, and one prays our hopes for our and our descendents' futures won't be dashed in 2+ weeks.
4
Well, that was certainly cathartic, Mr. Bruni. And witty. And, in the paragraphs about the citizenship test questions, informative, to me. I will read the bit about the supreme court justices "voting" on a bill to my husband and we'll both shake our heads about what a fool Trump is. But here's the catch - millions of Americans are supporting him. There's this photo in today's digital times of woman who appears to be yelling in ecstasy at a Trump rally. I can (barely) process a sociopath or borderline personality on our national stage, running for our highest office. What do I make of all those fellow citizens? What sordid, dark hearts are beating, hidden, in our fellow citizens? How do we purge that?
967
How do we purge that?
a) better education...and required civics classes, as we had when I was in high school.
b) fix the economy... economic well being or lack thereof is at the root of much of this discontent. Where to start? Fix the corporate tax code. We have the highest marginal rate for corporations on the planet, and we have been chasing away investment and jobs for over 30 years.
Put our corporate taxes in a competitive position with the OECD nations... 12.5% versus the present 35 for the federal government (plus states, don't forget...can take it to over 40%) ... then provide incentives for both US and foreign multinationals who invest in plant, equipment and jobs in the US.
It'll take some time to gain tractiion, but it's the only way to fix things.
a) better education...and required civics classes, as we had when I was in high school.
b) fix the economy... economic well being or lack thereof is at the root of much of this discontent. Where to start? Fix the corporate tax code. We have the highest marginal rate for corporations on the planet, and we have been chasing away investment and jobs for over 30 years.
Put our corporate taxes in a competitive position with the OECD nations... 12.5% versus the present 35 for the federal government (plus states, don't forget...can take it to over 40%) ... then provide incentives for both US and foreign multinationals who invest in plant, equipment and jobs in the US.
It'll take some time to gain tractiion, but it's the only way to fix things.
5
Those believing in pure democracy are well advised to Google search "Tyranny of the masses". This concept goes back to the first democratic republic of the Greeks. The concept was keenly considered by the Founding Fathers (both Federalists and anti-Federalists) of the USA. Yet, from the clarion cries about the responsibility of elected officials, it is entirely evident that few voters are aware of their history. The result of following this path has not been rewarded well by history.
3
They'll get over it.
The only biologic test that Trump would score highly on is his testosterone levels. He likely has double of the normal levels of testosterone because he supliments the anabolic steroid with topical self-administration. In New York City, men that serially marry much younger women always have a Rx prescription for self-administered (in Trump's case massive dosages) testosterone. All his personality symptoms are driven by high levels of the Steriods including paranoid personality and feeling of grandure and certainly.
7
Cute piece, Frank. Anything that can make us smile these days is appreciated.
Seriously though, I've often wondered why there is such a lack of questions asked at debates that would expose the true depth of candidates' knowledge of the history and structure of our government, current world leadership, geography, understanding of current treaties, basic understanding of science, and the like. I highly suspect that many candidates going through the primary process would be eliminated, since presumably, we want a president who actually knows things. Like the Gary Johnson "Allepo?" moment, it could prove useful - preferably at an earlier stage of the election process.
Seriously though, I've often wondered why there is such a lack of questions asked at debates that would expose the true depth of candidates' knowledge of the history and structure of our government, current world leadership, geography, understanding of current treaties, basic understanding of science, and the like. I highly suspect that many candidates going through the primary process would be eliminated, since presumably, we want a president who actually knows things. Like the Gary Johnson "Allepo?" moment, it could prove useful - preferably at an earlier stage of the election process.
80
There are still two Gary Johnson for President yard signs near my house.
5
Let's all remember that Donald Trump is the perfect representative for millions of Americans. Privilege, wealth and comfort, a fondness for excess and a taste for violence and nationalism have turned too many people into entitled, boorish, poorly educated citizens who put themselves above all others. Trump is not "out of the box", really, just a pumped-up reflection of the most unfortunate streak in American culture. He contracted his affluenza from a deep viral strain woven into the national fabric. We all have to take responsibility for a nation that produces villains like this.
571
Yes, sadly, I agree completely except for the last statement. I for one am not taking responsibility for Trump
11
No way am I responnsible for this blob.
7
Frank, in a modern version of Dante's "Inferno" there would be a special ring for Trump, Here, his everlasting torment would take the form of a beauty contest, one in which Trump would forever endure the derision and laughter of a live and international television audience, where he would have to respond to those general knowledge citizenry questions he doesn't know, where he'd be required to demonstrate some special talent (for which he has none to offer), and finally he'd have to appear in a men's bikini. The judges would be empaneled of those who have been most hurtfully affected by him, and the live audience, likely numbering in the thousands, would be comprised of those he had egregiously violated. In all, a morally proportionate and everlasting punishment for the damage he does.
34
I agree that Trump needs to wear small swim trunks and look into a mirror with a lie detector test actively testing if he is telling the truth... Donald seems to think he is a Handsome guy, but he is Old, Fat, Triple-Chinned, Bushy Eyebrows that go everywhere, with Yellow Hair that is Too Long and has a Duck Tail hanging down his neck and a Bad Job of taking his side hair and transplanting it into the forehead area so that it waves in an odd way, AND finally he is so Red Faced anymore with large pores all over his face... I am sure NO woman has made a pass at Trump for years!! That plus Trump's total ignorance and lack of preparation is why his Brand is Sinking fast!!
50
Well Donald is no 10, that I can tell you.
Frankly, he is a disaster.
I'm hearing from people that the "law and order" candidates of Trump-Pence have sought and received help from the Kremlin to cyber-attack the DNC and the Chair of Secretary Clinton's campaign in an effort to influence the American election.
Global Watergate 2016.
They are very upset the media doesn't equate Kremlin-excavated emails about campaigning with admissions of being a sexual predator, a burning wreckage of a business career, Trump U fraud and the Trump Foundation corruption case.
I don't know, but that is what people are telling me.
People are saying that Comrades Trump-Pence are claiming the elections are rigged against them by the liberal mainstream media, even though over 150 Republican Senators, Representatives and Governors and every former GOP President have refused to endorse them as well.
Believe me, not only has he threatened to sue the media for reporting the facts about him, and his numerous female accusers for saying he did what he himself said he did on tape, but he is poisoning an over two century bedrock American tradition of democratic elections and the peaceful transfer of power.
He is really, really a not smart person. Frankly, he is a disaster. That is why Trump-Pence is imploding and Donald Trump is self-destructing.
I have heard from hundreds of people that Trump really doesn't plan to release his tax returns either.
Frankly, he is a disaster.
I'm hearing from people that the "law and order" candidates of Trump-Pence have sought and received help from the Kremlin to cyber-attack the DNC and the Chair of Secretary Clinton's campaign in an effort to influence the American election.
Global Watergate 2016.
They are very upset the media doesn't equate Kremlin-excavated emails about campaigning with admissions of being a sexual predator, a burning wreckage of a business career, Trump U fraud and the Trump Foundation corruption case.
I don't know, but that is what people are telling me.
People are saying that Comrades Trump-Pence are claiming the elections are rigged against them by the liberal mainstream media, even though over 150 Republican Senators, Representatives and Governors and every former GOP President have refused to endorse them as well.
Believe me, not only has he threatened to sue the media for reporting the facts about him, and his numerous female accusers for saying he did what he himself said he did on tape, but he is poisoning an over two century bedrock American tradition of democratic elections and the peaceful transfer of power.
He is really, really a not smart person. Frankly, he is a disaster. That is why Trump-Pence is imploding and Donald Trump is self-destructing.
I have heard from hundreds of people that Trump really doesn't plan to release his tax returns either.
607
I laughed, until I cried.
2
David - I loved your comments bigly.
2
I am as obsessed as any normal thinking person with defeating Trump but it doesn't matter what you say or write. I got out of my Northeastern bubble this week and encountered "other America" on a trip to Florida.
Here, in an upscale hotel concierge lounge, I encountered people who were spewing anti-Clinton rhetoric without provocation to strangers. I couldn't be silent anymore.
Confronted with facts the answers was "Benghazi." "We need a wall. Illegal immigrants are killing the country." "We don't need 250,000 Syrians." "Fracking is 100% safe."
Trump has a core of true believers for whom no facts or behavior will ever shake them to sensibility.
Here, in an upscale hotel concierge lounge, I encountered people who were spewing anti-Clinton rhetoric without provocation to strangers. I couldn't be silent anymore.
Confronted with facts the answers was "Benghazi." "We need a wall. Illegal immigrants are killing the country." "We don't need 250,000 Syrians." "Fracking is 100% safe."
Trump has a core of true believers for whom no facts or behavior will ever shake them to sensibility.
1335
The Trump supporters that I've encountered are single issue voters. They believe he will cut their taxes or protect their guns or stop abortions. They seem to be willing to overlook the rest of Triump as long as he is on the right side of the issues that matter most to them.
18
I always want to tell such people, "Benghazi" isn't even a complete sentence, much less a truthful criticism of Hillary. Most likely, it is a symptom of Faux News induced psychosis.
23
When Hillary Clinton referred to his followers as 50% deplorables she was mistaken. The number is closer to 100%. So sad, Steve.
17
If Evita Clinton had nothing to hide she should take a test. Anyone else would.
1
Oh sure....Trump won't even release his tax returns.
23
1. Hillary ought to accept Trump’s proposal to take a drug test at the debate tonight, provided he is also willing to take psychological and psychiatric tests to assess the current condition of his mental instability. Not that most American voters harbor any substantial doubts about that.
2. Lie detector tests are definitely in order. Trump will pass with flying colors because he sincerely believes in all the sensational lies he is telling. Hillary might experience some difficulties because she never has had a day in her life when she was anywhere near Trump’s equal as a pathological liar.
2. Lie detector tests are definitely in order. Trump will pass with flying colors because he sincerely believes in all the sensational lies he is telling. Hillary might experience some difficulties because she never has had a day in her life when she was anywhere near Trump’s equal as a pathological liar.
13
Hilarious, apt, true. Thanks Frank.
26
If this is the bottom of the barrel you are scraping for anti-Trump columns, maybe it is time to write about another topic.
1
The vocabulary test:
Thanks to Donald Trump and only to Donald Trump, U.S. schoolchildren learned a new word last week. That word is groped. Providing he gets elected and his vocabulary lessons continue, I expect to see a significant rise in SAT scores across the nation.
Thanks to Donald Trump and only to Donald Trump, U.S. schoolchildren learned a new word last week. That word is groped. Providing he gets elected and his vocabulary lessons continue, I expect to see a significant rise in SAT scores across the nation.
13
Even though you embrace a mocking tone, and I thank you for that, a citizenship test and a Minnesota Multiphasic Personality test could be administered to all candidates. Stable, knowledgeable candidates are not too much to ask for.
15
"Trump in a Bikini"... now there's a marvelous visual image, one that brings to mind an even more "fitting" contest for this insult emperor-- how about another "ring" of Dante's Inferno-- an everlasting and infinitely repeating internationally televised beauty contest-- that would include general knowledge questions, a talent competition, and, of course, the main event --physical attractiveness assessment. And while we're imagining Trump in a Speedo, let's fill the judges' table with those he most horribly injured, and have in the auditorium, all the rest of the hundreds of people he swindled and damaged. All this and more, for a man with no conscience, who lacks moral sanity, and engenders the worse inclinations in his followers.
24
Not much more than a simple observation is merited as response to this column: Gail Collins uses humor based on outrageous exaggeration, often with a sharp edge but even then with some humanity. She uses it effectively, largely because what’s never visible in it is hatred. Bruni needs to go back to school.
4
A very 'simple' observation indeed.
45
Richard:
Speaking of hatred, have you listened to your candidate or his supporters lately? Disrespectful name calling, slurs, shouts about jailing and death by firing squad, it goes on and on and on. It is like an assault to thinking citizens.
Speaking of hatred, have you listened to your candidate or his supporters lately? Disrespectful name calling, slurs, shouts about jailing and death by firing squad, it goes on and on and on. It is like an assault to thinking citizens.
172
Then why reply at all? You remind me of Trump: showing up everywhere, an opinion on everything, no sense of humor. And if you can't spot Gail's loathing of Trump, then you're not paying attention.
124
At this point, after 16 long months of 24 hour TNN (Trump News Network), all Trump, all the time, I'm more concerned about the mental health of the tens of millions of otherwise sane and normal men and women who will be casting their ballots for the man.
585
How can they be "sane and normal men and women" when they are voting for this disgustingly and outright ignorant man ? His followers are armed, dangerous and paranoid. Along with that they are delusional and an outright danger to our Democracy ! It seems that won't change whether they win or lose !!
27
In a bikini ?
Oh, help - our eyes, our eyes - we can't unsee it - the seering pain !
Instead, we'd settle for another couple of tests:
1) Let's see Don the Con's transcipts
2) Where's his birth certificate; otherwise, we're pretty sure he actually oozed out from under a rock someplace.
Oh, help - our eyes, our eyes - we can't unsee it - the seering pain !
Instead, we'd settle for another couple of tests:
1) Let's see Don the Con's transcipts
2) Where's his birth certificate; otherwise, we're pretty sure he actually oozed out from under a rock someplace.
402
His citizenship is pretty much a given but more importantly, we need to see the immigration papers of his wife who was definitely not born here. Other than a worthless letter from an attorney telling us her papers "look" okay, we have no proof she was here working "legally" before she married. Model work can be "off the table" and paid in cash making it easy to avoid being caught working on a visitor's visa which is what appears she did in the 90s.
As the daughter of a Mexican immigrant and a citizen of an immigrant nation, his xenophobic anti-immigrant rhetoric has enraged me. Melania needs to be hauled out of her garish, trashy gold penthouse and made to withstand the same immigration scrutiny her husband has demanded of others in her situation.
As the daughter of a Mexican immigrant and a citizen of an immigrant nation, his xenophobic anti-immigrant rhetoric has enraged me. Melania needs to be hauled out of her garish, trashy gold penthouse and made to withstand the same immigration scrutiny her husband has demanded of others in her situation.
54
left - Of course, you're right; il Drumpf is just as much a citizen as is Obama, but as the first Orange Person to seek the highest office in the land, we're going to need some more verification.
We haven't seen his certificate, has anyone else :)
We haven't seen his certificate, has anyone else :)
14
"...as the first Orange Person to seek the highest office..."
Okay, that one made me laugh out loud, startling my snoozing elderly dog. You're right, of course. And there's a certain poetic justice in seeing if he can take what he's so freely dished out.
Okay, that one made me laugh out loud, startling my snoozing elderly dog. You're right, of course. And there's a certain poetic justice in seeing if he can take what he's so freely dished out.
10