Just a quick note: Mother Theresa was, sad to say, a fraud. Read Chris Hitchens's work on reporting on the reality of her operation in India--and her creepy alliances with some very unsavory world figures. Due diligence, Mr. Brooks.
61
David, my biggest worry for kids today is the double edged sword of hi-tech. It just doesn't seem right to me that when the family gets in the vehicle (short trip or long) toddlers are given ear phones and watch a screen overhead with their favorite cartoons. They pay no attention to their surroundings, interesting landmarks, scenery, etc. I know you were referring mostly to college aged young people in this column but they too have grown up to a large extent in this kind of environment. Indeed, I am familiar with those who have flunked out of school, not because they partied all night, but because they played "with their thumbs" till the wee hours and could not get up for class! My major concern with this is that they are losing their ability to communicate one on one, face to face and are so distracted by gadgets and phones which do everything but go to the bathroom for them that many of them are losing touch with their own humanity and humanity in general. No wonder we see such a lack of empathy in large numbers of our youth. And as far as distraction and muddled thinking go, their parents are certainly not immune. Witness the increase in numbers of parents who "forget" to drop off infants and toddlers at day care or with the sitter as they hasten off to work, sometimes with deadly consequences. I'm all for evolution but I am concerned that we are "devolving" also and I don't know which will win this high stakes "game."
60
David I don't always love your psycho-social columns, but this one rings true.
Thank you most of all for recognizing that our emotionally open children may be less tough, but they are also kinder and more open-minded and accepting of others. Every generation is raised by people trying to make recompense for the difficulties of their own childhood. The baby-boomer kids were often given material things (which their depression era parents could not have) in lieu of attention, and perhaps as parents were over attentive as a result. But I think the outcome generationally is a group of very very nice children on the whole.
Thank you most of all for recognizing that our emotionally open children may be less tough, but they are also kinder and more open-minded and accepting of others. Every generation is raised by people trying to make recompense for the difficulties of their own childhood. The baby-boomer kids were often given material things (which their depression era parents could not have) in lieu of attention, and perhaps as parents were over attentive as a result. But I think the outcome generationally is a group of very very nice children on the whole.
24
Mr. Brooks is, as is frequently the case, whistling by the graveyard. Yes, it is what it appears to be. Today's young people (at least in the society I see here in that part of America where people are largely surviving economically) are weak and soft. They've been treated like fragile jewelry by their frequently too-old parents who have so few kids that each one is a very scarce resource. Their feet hardly ever touch the ground. They are desperately prevented from experiencing disappointment, let alone failure. They are coddled and frightened. They (not all of them, but too many) don't need to (and don't) have part time jobs while in school or in the summer. They are not subject to the draft (huge mistake). Look around, Mr. Brooks. Why do you you think "young" people are living with their parents (who in a very real sense still take care of them) well into their 30's? Why are they not taking chances? Why are they commitment averse? It isn't their fault, of course. The fault is in our culture, our economy, our lack of core values. It is the decline of the West. Get used to it.
31
Mr. Brooks says, "If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope."
Just last week, he complained that someone who has spent a lifetime doing just this - Hillary Clinton - holds a brittle posture and suffers from a lack of grace. Apparently, she's TOO tough.
Just last week, he complained that someone who has spent a lifetime doing just this - Hillary Clinton - holds a brittle posture and suffers from a lack of grace. Apparently, she's TOO tough.
85
Bravo. Well said David.
As you know many of those who survived the Holocaust did so with a STRONG purpose in their lives, particularly, a deep, deep love for their spouses.
It was a journey through Pastor Rick Warren's book on one's purpose that helped give resilience to the once depressed Mr. Phelps.
Kudos for a brilliant, inspired piece of work.
As you know many of those who survived the Holocaust did so with a STRONG purpose in their lives, particularly, a deep, deep love for their spouses.
It was a journey through Pastor Rick Warren's book on one's purpose that helped give resilience to the once depressed Mr. Phelps.
Kudos for a brilliant, inspired piece of work.
10
Life is difficult and as soon as everyone learns that fact so much for the better. Mommy and daddy are not around forever (physically or monetarily).
16
Mr. Brooks, perhaps you could provide your readers with a modicum of evidence to support your assertions? Much of your article comes across as idle speculation.
17
I'm 28. Any comparison made (in the comments, not the column) between my generation and today's preschoolers is facile.
11
We must end all psychological counselling, all psychiatry must be abandoned. All psychoactive drugs must be burned. Doktor Brooks has the answer: "Emotional fragility seems like a psychological problem, but it has only a philosophical answer."
EST shall rise again. Christian Science will take over hospitals. Exorcists will replace gastroenterologists. Ideology will trump (caps?) endocrinology. The Romans had it wrong: "A sound belief system in an unsound brain cures warts". It is a anti-vaccine true believer's fantasy writ large.
Sometimes I think David Brooks does not read what his fingers type out.
Maybe Brooks borrowed his nephew's grade 4 essay-writing in a parochial school classroom: "Believe Your Way to Total Sanity", the Charles Manson School of "Trust The Leader"... What a load of compost. Makes me yearn for Douthat!
EST shall rise again. Christian Science will take over hospitals. Exorcists will replace gastroenterologists. Ideology will trump (caps?) endocrinology. The Romans had it wrong: "A sound belief system in an unsound brain cures warts". It is a anti-vaccine true believer's fantasy writ large.
Sometimes I think David Brooks does not read what his fingers type out.
Maybe Brooks borrowed his nephew's grade 4 essay-writing in a parochial school classroom: "Believe Your Way to Total Sanity", the Charles Manson School of "Trust The Leader"... What a load of compost. Makes me yearn for Douthat!
8
I am always amazed that no matter what you write, Mr. Brooks, people attack you from all sides or give you back-handed compliments. I don't bother much with comboxes anymore except to see how people are reacting to something once in a while. But I read you consistently and always find wisdom and a loftiness much to absent in our discourse and writing these days. I might disagree now and then but I always feel you make your points beautifully and poetically. Thank you for this column and for all of them.
47
This is one of Mr. Brooks' best - really enjoyed it. Thanks!
15
Now, I will admit, i do agree with alot of this one, David. But despite my upbringing in the 70's and 80's - the hunting and fishing, the dirtbike riding, and the rough and tumble Rockwellian nature of it all - i will continue to be unable to not helicopter away !
9
I was just thinking of this very idea at around 4 this morning. I was thinking about my college internship class, in which I teach students who are working
in various arts organizations as interns. Something got me going about "how fragile they are" and how I need to give them a dose of reality without overwhelming them. Remembering my own college days, I can't imagine any of my profs being concerned about this. You sank or swam, and if you were lucky and/or asked for it, you might get some advice when you were in a pickle.
We shouldn't be harsh and cruel, but we also must not treat 20 year olds as if they might collapse if they hear a few truths.
Brooks's insight is excellent. There is something about passion and commitment that buoys one up, and drives one from within. I see this in a few students, and it is true. There are some though who are idealistic but haven't yet formed any commitment or placement for that idealism. They are often troubled.
in various arts organizations as interns. Something got me going about "how fragile they are" and how I need to give them a dose of reality without overwhelming them. Remembering my own college days, I can't imagine any of my profs being concerned about this. You sank or swam, and if you were lucky and/or asked for it, you might get some advice when you were in a pickle.
We shouldn't be harsh and cruel, but we also must not treat 20 year olds as if they might collapse if they hear a few truths.
Brooks's insight is excellent. There is something about passion and commitment that buoys one up, and drives one from within. I see this in a few students, and it is true. There are some though who are idealistic but haven't yet formed any commitment or placement for that idealism. They are often troubled.
19
It may or may not be causal, but there is at least a correlation between the fragility described here and the decline in organized religion. Kids go to church and hear stories like David conquering Goliath even though he was small and nobody had any confidence in him, or how Jonah's being swallowed by a fish might have seemed scary, but turned out to be a second chance for him after he was scared and ran away the first time. They learn that real toughness starts with love, that being strong means being good to people, that living a good life means being just to widows and orphans and anybody else who is oppressed. Sure, you can learn a lot of those things from good literature-- Harry Potter springs to mind-- but there is no substitute for being immersed in those lessons, week after week, every single weekend.
7
Two factors in my life that permamently affected how I live my life today. I was unwanted by my mother. Never spoken, but the behavior displayed this. Often thrust off to relatives, who loved me but wished they didn't have to keep me. Left alone when I was very young, even quite ill at one time. Today that would have been called child neglect. As a child, it didn't occur to me. But it made me so self-sufficient that when my parents put me at 7 on a bus to return to my Wisconsin grandparents, I was unafraid and enjoyed the trip.
As an adult, I went through a period of severe anxiety and depression. With counseling, I managed to overcome it, but the effects lingered long. However, I became involved in long term care. As such, I was required more and more often to make public presentations. More difficult than I can describe, I did it because I knew I had some very good ideas that needed to be heard. Eventually, the fear and anxiety disappeared. But even now, can pop up and I just have to face them.
I don't think people can be told they need to find a purpose - just go find one. Long term care just fell in my lap, partly becasue of my learning to deal with my anxiety. Perhaps schools need to incorporate various career experiences early on for credit. A church offered its young people the opportunity to volunteer in my health care facility in lieu of summer vacation. The parents were very nerous about this, but in the end, the children's response was great.
As an adult, I went through a period of severe anxiety and depression. With counseling, I managed to overcome it, but the effects lingered long. However, I became involved in long term care. As such, I was required more and more often to make public presentations. More difficult than I can describe, I did it because I knew I had some very good ideas that needed to be heard. Eventually, the fear and anxiety disappeared. But even now, can pop up and I just have to face them.
I don't think people can be told they need to find a purpose - just go find one. Long term care just fell in my lap, partly becasue of my learning to deal with my anxiety. Perhaps schools need to incorporate various career experiences early on for credit. A church offered its young people the opportunity to volunteer in my health care facility in lieu of summer vacation. The parents were very nerous about this, but in the end, the children's response was great.
19
It's gotten so that I look forward to Brooks columns primarily to see how many commenters will make their comments about Brooks, rather than about the substance of what he has to say and how they will use his column as a Rorschach Blot. If President Obama wrote the same words, I have no doubt the comments would be very different.
Brooks on current politics I find uninteresting and often flat out wrong or naive. However, in the past couple years, as he has strayed farther and farther from the immediate political sphere, I find he has some things to say worth pondering, even at times mildly inspired.
Brooks on current politics I find uninteresting and often flat out wrong or naive. However, in the past couple years, as he has strayed farther and farther from the immediate political sphere, I find he has some things to say worth pondering, even at times mildly inspired.
18
I think that the tendency of parents to overprotect their kids comes from the very real perception that kids have fewer chances to recover from mistakes than we did years ago. More competition, less tolerance from authorities, and greater consequences for transgressions means we view our kids as having one chance to succeed. Remember crazy college parties? Well, today the students are expelled. Bad grades? Once you could recover from that. One wrong step and all the efforts spent by the parents and the child to achieve successful independence are dashed. This, at least, is the grim perception, supported by lots of evidence, of parents I know. It really ain't what it used to be. So we overprotect.
36
Well written and entirely pro Hillary and anti Trump whose sole ethos is himself.
7
Mr. Brooks provides no evidence that today's college students are "emotionally fragile." Talking to veteran college teachers and administrators is just hear say.
8
I look at all the reasons put forward here to suggest the psychological or moral underpinnings of the millennials and I just can't stand the rationales and reasons put forth any more. Much of millennials' angst comes from being hugely in debt. There was a bill put forth in Congress to help address this, but the Republicans voted it down. They worry about good jobs. There were programs proposed to do huge infrastructure work that would have produced hundreds of thousands of good paying jobs, not only for those directly employed, but also those who work in sectors that supplied the raw materials, created necessary components, designed the projects, work in the retail world where the workers would spend their money, etc. The Republicans nixed that too.
Our do nothing Congress has blocked every access proposed to help millennials and many others achieve a better quality of life. The answer to millennial college debt is a program to reduce interest rates, tie payments to income and reduce principal where possible. Going forward there needs to be more money put into education at state universities, so that their costs can drop to an affordable level. All of these things have been blocked by republicans in congress and in state houses.
Let's stop blaming the millennials or their parents and start blaming the real culprits in our do nothing Congress. That's something all of us have the power to change.
Our do nothing Congress has blocked every access proposed to help millennials and many others achieve a better quality of life. The answer to millennial college debt is a program to reduce interest rates, tie payments to income and reduce principal where possible. Going forward there needs to be more money put into education at state universities, so that their costs can drop to an affordable level. All of these things have been blocked by republicans in congress and in state houses.
Let's stop blaming the millennials or their parents and start blaming the real culprits in our do nothing Congress. That's something all of us have the power to change.
24
How many "wise elders" had a clear purpose at 20, or 25, or even 30? So to attribute generational differences to one generation having found its goals and the other not seems a bit of a reach.
12
How ironic that Brooks idolizes grit here, but spends so much of his time elsewhere policing the language of certain "enchanted" politicians. In terms of sheer resilience, is there a better political example than Trump?
How many times has he been declared "dead," only to come back and win?
How many times has he been declared bankrupt, only to become profitable?
How many times has he been declared a bigot, only to reach out to those he's declared bigoted agaisnt? The press hates him, and yet he provides more access than Clinton who hasn't given a press conference in 300 days. That's resilient.
His goal is clear too - to put America first. Per Brooks, I suppose this is what drives his resilience. His supporters are equally resilient, and strong like water; they serve in the military, in business, and in blue collar professions. His opponents are the fragile ones; they throw a literal hissy fit when he comes to town, and when his name appears in chalk on their campus.
I suspect anyone who argues for more resilience like Brooks is doing, for the sake of resilience, is the one who's adrift and fragile. People who have a cause, like Trump and his supporters, don't argue in the abstract for particular character traits. People who nitpick morals and engage in tone policing are the fragile ones. Ironic that Brooks - who has no purpose as far as I can tell - should try to lecture us on purpose and fragility.
How many times has he been declared "dead," only to come back and win?
How many times has he been declared bankrupt, only to become profitable?
How many times has he been declared a bigot, only to reach out to those he's declared bigoted agaisnt? The press hates him, and yet he provides more access than Clinton who hasn't given a press conference in 300 days. That's resilient.
His goal is clear too - to put America first. Per Brooks, I suppose this is what drives his resilience. His supporters are equally resilient, and strong like water; they serve in the military, in business, and in blue collar professions. His opponents are the fragile ones; they throw a literal hissy fit when he comes to town, and when his name appears in chalk on their campus.
I suspect anyone who argues for more resilience like Brooks is doing, for the sake of resilience, is the one who's adrift and fragile. People who have a cause, like Trump and his supporters, don't argue in the abstract for particular character traits. People who nitpick morals and engage in tone policing are the fragile ones. Ironic that Brooks - who has no purpose as far as I can tell - should try to lecture us on purpose and fragility.
1
I respectfully disagree. The problem is not 'relentless scepticism' from universities - if anything, many of the ills in our world today can be directly attributed to young people blindly throwing themselves into larger 'causes' - including, but not restricted to, extremist and radical religious causes. Over 40% of Americans are happy to support a dangerous demagogue who makes a virtue out of inconsistent non-factual rubbish. People like him because he represents a larger cause.
If anything, a bit more critical thinking and scepticism would be welcome.
If anything, a bit more critical thinking and scepticism would be welcome.
16
Dear Mr. Brooks?
What is this article "about"?
It is so densely packed with baseless generalizations and psychobabble, I'm not sure.
Could it be your recent and reluctant renouncement of DJT has deprived you of your moral compass bearings? Please comment.
Regards,
JV
What is this article "about"?
It is so densely packed with baseless generalizations and psychobabble, I'm not sure.
Could it be your recent and reluctant renouncement of DJT has deprived you of your moral compass bearings? Please comment.
Regards,
JV
7
I like your usage of the ancient Greek word, telos. It encompasses so much. While signifying achievement it also means an end, a perfection or a completion. So in that sense it also means death.
1
When I wanted a bike as a child and my mom and pop said you can't have one, I knew they couldn't afford it. When my children asked for a bike and I told them no, they knew I could afford it.
4
Very good article, thanks.
I know of only one way to find your calling and to develop you resiliency, living life. The younger generation is going to live longer than us, probably by a lot. Their childhood is being extended. They will excel, get knocked down, most will get up, some will not, they will find their calling, change their mind, find a partner or three, be torn up, heal although with scars and carry on. They are not doing it our way, but I think that is OK (we don't have the best track record), in short, they will be fine.
I know of only one way to find your calling and to develop you resiliency, living life. The younger generation is going to live longer than us, probably by a lot. Their childhood is being extended. They will excel, get knocked down, most will get up, some will not, they will find their calling, change their mind, find a partner or three, be torn up, heal although with scars and carry on. They are not doing it our way, but I think that is OK (we don't have the best track record), in short, they will be fine.
10
Thank you David for your wonderful insights.
6
Children are very complexly enculturated, while they absorb and adapt.
Our columnist insightfully explains some of the "traditional and the modern" perspectives, while I suppose everybody is an amalgam or combination.
All of my holdings are subject to foolishness if not misinterpretation.
We are after all mammals, sort of "naked apes."
Doesn't "socialization" actually begin at birth?
Because what I also mean by "socialization" includes feeding and the other infant & childhood "conditionings"--for instance, please see the Skinner Box experiment.
Our columnist insightfully explains some of the "traditional and the modern" perspectives, while I suppose everybody is an amalgam or combination.
All of my holdings are subject to foolishness if not misinterpretation.
We are after all mammals, sort of "naked apes."
Doesn't "socialization" actually begin at birth?
Because what I also mean by "socialization" includes feeding and the other infant & childhood "conditionings"--for instance, please see the Skinner Box experiment.
I have always wondered why some people from disadvantaged backgrounds can rise above it and find success in life while others, even from the same dysfunctional families, cannot. It is not learned but seems to be intrinsic. How, why? I don't have a clue.
5
If anything, we should first be teaching our children how to seize the reins of their own lives. Freedom comes from independence.
But society and family comes from interdependence. It depends on the voluntary cooperation of its members. What's in it for me?
The core problem with much of Brooks' proselytizing is that it is often in service of a power structure that is increasingly immoral, but claims moral purpose, abetted by the Brooks's of the world.
If you want the children of the world to participate and gain meaning in your Utopia, it would be a good idea to make sure that your society has something to offer them in real life. First feed yourself. Then you can feed others.
But society and family comes from interdependence. It depends on the voluntary cooperation of its members. What's in it for me?
The core problem with much of Brooks' proselytizing is that it is often in service of a power structure that is increasingly immoral, but claims moral purpose, abetted by the Brooks's of the world.
If you want the children of the world to participate and gain meaning in your Utopia, it would be a good idea to make sure that your society has something to offer them in real life. First feed yourself. Then you can feed others.
9
To the EB: Have submitted between 8 and 10 comments since yesterday, all well written, on topic and I believe perceptive.Yet not one has been published. All were educative to one degree or another, intended to broaden intellectual horizons of your readers and perhaps of members of the Board Itself, Its your paper, and your "joint" as it were. Nonetheless it strikes me as a trifle unfair to suppress dissenting views:"Il faut jouer franc jeu avec vos lecteurs!"Thanks.
3
To praise or criticise produces the same result which is a focus on the self. As the Zen master said when the student archer hit the target "let us bow to perfection". Issue oriented responsiveness rather than personal or impersonal interaction transcends the false dilemma of toughness vs timidity.
4
I asked my 20 yr (3rd yr uni student) to read and comment. She chuckled, then explained: yes, we are Generation Y, and it is apt, because we keep asking ourselves "why". The dream of our grandparents and parents of 'go to school, get a good job, raise a family in a home surrounded by a white picket fence', while no longer realistic, it's not even desirable. We now dream of getting any job and enjoying our lives, not toiling away for a goal grounded mostly in materialism. We want to know "why" we can't have a world where we no longer have to be concerned about racism, bigotry, war, environmental degradation and poverty. We see a world that has the ability to provide the basics of life to all of us, it is by choice that we don't. She tells me, "we're not fragile, we're fed up and realize we have to take care of each other and if that means safe spaces for some, so be it!" She found the essay "nostalgic". She asked the question: Do you have any idea how hard it is to deal with you guys? Do you think it's easy to grow up while under constant surveillance? We are tough, she says, just not in the way you think of "tough". I'm expecting another earful when she returns this evening.
20
Meh.... It's the same thing that us Gen Xers were saying 20 years ago and what the boomers were saying 40 years ago.
Things change when you graduate.
Things change when you graduate.
10
Toughness, personal integrity, standing up for what you believe in are the many qualities lacking in our fear of the fight, easy way out society. Look at Trump, he bullied the Republican party, the Republican press, and every other news media outlet into making excuses for him and justifying his behavior, 30 years ago a man like trump would be a side show and now he is the main event because no one has the courage to stand up for what they believe in. I really don't believe anyone really thinks like Trump, other than Trump. He has exposed our hypocrisy and our weakness, especially those who have empowered him.
4
Critical reactions to today's youth and their apparent emotional fragility tend to generalize both a diagnosis as well as prescription to the entire generation. Societal ills, child-rearing practices...the list goes on. How about recognizing that individuals innately differ in their resilience and emotional sensitivity. In every generation there are thick-skinned philistines raving at frat parties vs. introspective thinkers trying to find quiet. Dr. Elaine Aron's research on varying levels of sensitivity may be worth a look.
3
College students have become more worldly and less mature. But I do not think that they lack toughness. They may in fact be developing a greater strength and toughness over what has become a longer period of adolescence.
With the extension of life expectancy, the traditional stages of life have essentially remained in tact. These stages, including adolescence, seem to have become equally extended in proportion to lifespan. So, the old 20 is the new 25. I happen to think that this longer and slower maturation process is creating a greater and more durable toughness in people.
I disagree with Mr. Brooks' notion that purpose and passion create toughness. I believe the opposite to be true. Developing a sense of purpose is actually possible once a certain level of personal strength is achieved. It is that strength that enables deeper lifelong commitments.
As a college educator/administrator that worked with students from the 80's until my recently, I can enthusiastically say, without reservation, that the current cadre offer a bright future for our society. Yes, they may be a little more self-absorbed (a fixture of late adolescence) than former generations, but they seem less self-important. I believe that their "worldliness" is a starting point for living "other-centered" lives, and their commitments and noble purposes will come with their developing strength and the inevitability of human maturation.
With the extension of life expectancy, the traditional stages of life have essentially remained in tact. These stages, including adolescence, seem to have become equally extended in proportion to lifespan. So, the old 20 is the new 25. I happen to think that this longer and slower maturation process is creating a greater and more durable toughness in people.
I disagree with Mr. Brooks' notion that purpose and passion create toughness. I believe the opposite to be true. Developing a sense of purpose is actually possible once a certain level of personal strength is achieved. It is that strength that enables deeper lifelong commitments.
As a college educator/administrator that worked with students from the 80's until my recently, I can enthusiastically say, without reservation, that the current cadre offer a bright future for our society. Yes, they may be a little more self-absorbed (a fixture of late adolescence) than former generations, but they seem less self-important. I believe that their "worldliness" is a starting point for living "other-centered" lives, and their commitments and noble purposes will come with their developing strength and the inevitability of human maturation.
7
I know exactly where my determination, grit and bravery and "modern toughness" come from. They come from growing up terrified, in a home with an alcoholic and brutal father who excelled at every form of abuse you can impose on a woman and two little girls behind closed doors. My telos was to survive and never let anyone treat me poorly again, to never allow myself to be in a position I could not get out of again.
I do not wish such a "toughening up" experience on anyone. Oh, for a home with helicopter parents.
I do not wish such a "toughening up" experience on anyone. Oh, for a home with helicopter parents.
24
This self help paean illustrates the failure of those who tout the supernatural.
The denial of reality does nothing, but plaster a band aid on an ever flowing wound. We either accept our mortality, make best of this knowledge or continue to slog along the deeply rutted and blood filled path of ignorance.
It isn't a leap of faith to admit one does not find a deeper meaning than survival to explain our knowledge of mortality, rather an acceptance of reality. If there was no appreciation of cause and effect we would still be wallowing in the swamps with our reptilian forbears.
College students who are"more emotionally fragile" have more difficulty separating observable fact from lifelong fiction than their more balanced classmates
It should be clear that suspension of our critical faculty only brings about confusion and delays social evolution. It is past time for assistants in this pandering process to stop.
The denial of reality does nothing, but plaster a band aid on an ever flowing wound. We either accept our mortality, make best of this knowledge or continue to slog along the deeply rutted and blood filled path of ignorance.
It isn't a leap of faith to admit one does not find a deeper meaning than survival to explain our knowledge of mortality, rather an acceptance of reality. If there was no appreciation of cause and effect we would still be wallowing in the swamps with our reptilian forbears.
College students who are"more emotionally fragile" have more difficulty separating observable fact from lifelong fiction than their more balanced classmates
It should be clear that suspension of our critical faculty only brings about confusion and delays social evolution. It is past time for assistants in this pandering process to stop.
1
I spent over 30 years in higher education student services. I worked at 4 universities and I have to say that the students coming into college over the past 15 years have many more issues than those of the previous 15 years. Many came already on anti-depressants, dealing with anxiety and, although academically prepared, had a rough time. At one point our psychologists were sending 2-3 students a week out for psych evaluations. And some students actually signed themselves in for evaluations or treatment.
This has been a national phenomenon and those of you here who are in education and read the Chronicle of Higher Education will attest to this. One thing that I have found to be common among all these students: They were all from middle to upper middle class homes and have parents who hover over them or who constantly called to monitor their progress. And it doesn't stop there. My colleagues in career services have stories about parents showing up with at job interviews after graduation, wanting to answer questions posed to the applicant. They call back to complain if their graduate did not get a job. It does not end.
But the students who were working several jobs to help pay their way, who barely could afford to get by, who couldn't afford to live on campus...were emotionally just fine. Some came from rough backgrounds and were used to adversity. A few had been or were still homeless. They made it work for them with no parental help. There were no psych issues with them.
This has been a national phenomenon and those of you here who are in education and read the Chronicle of Higher Education will attest to this. One thing that I have found to be common among all these students: They were all from middle to upper middle class homes and have parents who hover over them or who constantly called to monitor their progress. And it doesn't stop there. My colleagues in career services have stories about parents showing up with at job interviews after graduation, wanting to answer questions posed to the applicant. They call back to complain if their graduate did not get a job. It does not end.
But the students who were working several jobs to help pay their way, who barely could afford to get by, who couldn't afford to live on campus...were emotionally just fine. Some came from rough backgrounds and were used to adversity. A few had been or were still homeless. They made it work for them with no parental help. There were no psych issues with them.
10
At each stage of development the society turns more complex and challenging and demands different kind of preparation from the individual. Instead of accepting this reality, what's common on the part of each generation to find fault with the Gen-Next and prove its own worth. When the emotional stability of the present generation is being questioned in the article, it seems the same tendency is in play, without appreciating the nature of challenges the present generation is forced to confront today. Moreover, the purpose and commitment to some ideal or cause required to strengthen the emotional fiber of an individual emerges from within rather externally taught.
1
I'm glad Brooks has found his own purpose, although I wish it weren't regularly filling a column's worth of space in the New York Times with warmed-over psychobabble.
8
We grew up in a highly hypocritical society, where we heard one thing from the older generations but saw something else entirely. Racism was supposed to be solved, the world was supposed to be advancing and becoming more peaceful, and the "American Dream" of working hard and making it was supposed to be true.
Being committed, being idealistic, in a society full of cynical hypocrites (which most of us became as we found out the above, whether it be when the twin towers were burning, when our parents were breaking up, or when we saw young folks just like us being gunned down in the streets for no reason) is being foolish, is, in fact, to put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. You're damned right we're defensive, David.
Also, global warming.
Being committed, being idealistic, in a society full of cynical hypocrites (which most of us became as we found out the above, whether it be when the twin towers were burning, when our parents were breaking up, or when we saw young folks just like us being gunned down in the streets for no reason) is being foolish, is, in fact, to put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. You're damned right we're defensive, David.
Also, global warming.
4
Tough situations make for tough people. Lax situations make for weak people. Yet it's not an absolute good to be tough. There are many tough criminals. What David Brooks says is true. When we are able to find intrinsic meaning we become stronger. It's easier said than done however. When we make false meaning to fulfill our need to believe that opens up Pandora's Box. If we could realize at all times what was meaningful we would be in healthy shape. People in love and new parents often know what they're about and are strong, but it can be fleeting.That's probably the way it's supposed to be Post-Garden-of-Eden.
2
I 100% agree with this article, and I am a 24 year old recent college grad. People are too eager to make excuses. If something doesn’t go as planned, it’s because of sexism / racism, the economy, privilege, etc. I’m not saying that those factors don’t play into the world, but the bottom line is, if you want to succeed you need to take responsibility for your life.
10
Critical thinking is the ultimate toughness. It takes courage to question consensus views, resolve to defend a position antithetical to society's, and endurance to put up with insults from those looking to denigrate and alienate outsiders.
What is exceedingly easy for the fragile is to unquestioningly take the majority's aims as your telos and to blindly follow it off whatever cliff they march you towards.
What is exceedingly easy for the fragile is to unquestioningly take the majority's aims as your telos and to blindly follow it off whatever cliff they march you towards.
8
"There was a greater tendency in years gone by to wall off emotions, to put on a thick skin — for some men to be stone-like and uncommunicative and for some women to be brittle, brassy and untouchable"
Excellent description. I was a teenager in the '50's and remember exactly what you describe. Updike's novels are wonderful chronicles of that generation.
Excellent description. I was a teenager in the '50's and remember exactly what you describe. Updike's novels are wonderful chronicles of that generation.
5
It's been fifteen years since 9-11. Fifteen years since those relentless television replays of the Twin Towers falling into the earth, 15 years since a major hysterical reaction that nearly destroyed this country. How old were today's college students that now demand such a "safe place" to undertake their college careers?
If people now think first of a sniper's bullets with every loud bang in town (mentioned elsewhere in today's paper), imagine how fearful 9-11 era kids are now, having lived their formative years during this hysteria?
If people now think first of a sniper's bullets with every loud bang in town (mentioned elsewhere in today's paper), imagine how fearful 9-11 era kids are now, having lived their formative years during this hysteria?
2
Nice riff on this, Mr. Brooks. I agree with your points, and would add that it seems to me that in addition to lack of toughness, the helicopter parenting and everyone gets a medal approach to child rearing has also led to the most self-absorbed generation we have seen since the Boomers.
So when someone believes shots have been fired, you end up with the melee we saw at LAX yesterday - across terminals where no one heard anything.
It will be interesting to see whether these emotionally fragile cupcakes have the gumption to do what is necessary in a time of real crisis; to be heroic and save someone in need who is unable to help themselves, rather than save their own skins.
So when someone believes shots have been fired, you end up with the melee we saw at LAX yesterday - across terminals where no one heard anything.
It will be interesting to see whether these emotionally fragile cupcakes have the gumption to do what is necessary in a time of real crisis; to be heroic and save someone in need who is unable to help themselves, rather than save their own skins.
3
Give of yourself. Use your education to prepare for it. Learn from mistakes.
Set aside egocentricity. Identify with being part of humanity - part of a larger whole.
That works just as well in the world of work as in one's personal life.
Best wishes!
Set aside egocentricity. Identify with being part of humanity - part of a larger whole.
That works just as well in the world of work as in one's personal life.
Best wishes!
7
As I write about my father’s years as an Army Air Corps pilot instructor, based upon letters he wrote his mother, I am increasingly aware of why he insisted upon personal discipline in me and my brothers as we grew up. And he assigned us tasks around the house. Later, he taught us how to mix and pour concrete and saw wood with a long two-man crosscut saw. He sent us out in the cold to cut sections of trunk from a fallen oak. We complained while we worked but we were glad to roll the cut sections home where he split them.
Explorer Scouts in New Mexico taught me how to deal with unforeseen problems in nature and how to work in a small team to organize events. A long journey by Greyhound across the country to board a ship for a trans-Atlantic crossing during a summer student exchange program brought me together with dozens of my peers from around the country and I saw that my father had taught me well to deal with daily problems. There was no helicopter parenting in our family. Just demands and an occasional helping hand when things got rough.
I’ve benefitted greatly from his lessons and wish I could talk to him again. He is long gone, having given his life to the Air Force and its nuclear testing program. He was a great father and I miss him.
Explorer Scouts in New Mexico taught me how to deal with unforeseen problems in nature and how to work in a small team to organize events. A long journey by Greyhound across the country to board a ship for a trans-Atlantic crossing during a summer student exchange program brought me together with dozens of my peers from around the country and I saw that my father had taught me well to deal with daily problems. There was no helicopter parenting in our family. Just demands and an occasional helping hand when things got rough.
I’ve benefitted greatly from his lessons and wish I could talk to him again. He is long gone, having given his life to the Air Force and its nuclear testing program. He was a great father and I miss him.
5
Many years ago I read a book on the Second World War that was a collection of stories of people who were in the war. From Solders to Civilians.
One thing the author pointed out was that the vast majority of the people in the Eastern European Theater of the war were little removed from a 18th century life. The author suggested that it was this very hard and rugged life that allowed them to fight and survive in that horrible caldron of Hitler on one side and Stalin on the other.
Could the Americans of 1940 have taken such abuse. I doubt it. Could Americans of today. Never. We would submit to anything under such circumstances. Lucky for us, with the H-Bomb that particular hell will never visit America.
My wife, an ICU Nurse of 40 years, keeps telling me that the new Nurses she precepts have a thin skin. They cannot take being talked to in a curt and fast fashion without complaining. When you have a person, who's life hangs in the balance and seconds matter, niceties are for the self centered. Either you perform or someone dies.
These two examples are the crux of the issue. We have evolved as a society that in most circumstances we have The Luxury of being nice. Of questioning if there are micro abrasions, racist undertones, and pampering our children.
In most instances this is a good thing. But, we also loose something that may well one day be needed. If we ever do need a society that is tough, it is likely we not survive that particular challenge.
One thing the author pointed out was that the vast majority of the people in the Eastern European Theater of the war were little removed from a 18th century life. The author suggested that it was this very hard and rugged life that allowed them to fight and survive in that horrible caldron of Hitler on one side and Stalin on the other.
Could the Americans of 1940 have taken such abuse. I doubt it. Could Americans of today. Never. We would submit to anything under such circumstances. Lucky for us, with the H-Bomb that particular hell will never visit America.
My wife, an ICU Nurse of 40 years, keeps telling me that the new Nurses she precepts have a thin skin. They cannot take being talked to in a curt and fast fashion without complaining. When you have a person, who's life hangs in the balance and seconds matter, niceties are for the self centered. Either you perform or someone dies.
These two examples are the crux of the issue. We have evolved as a society that in most circumstances we have The Luxury of being nice. Of questioning if there are micro abrasions, racist undertones, and pampering our children.
In most instances this is a good thing. But, we also loose something that may well one day be needed. If we ever do need a society that is tough, it is likely we not survive that particular challenge.
3
"Toughness" is a virtue but only for men. When women demonstrate it, as Hillary Clinton does in spades, how's it spun on Fox News?
12
One person high in modern toughness is Al Gore. Ever since he became aware of the problem of global warming he was on a mission. First, he held hearings as a Congressman, he wrote books about it, and he persevered in politics through his Vice Presidency and his 2000 Presidential campaign. By this time, however, Exxon and the rest of the fossil-fuel industrialists knew that adequately addressing and arresting global warming would leave assets stranded, affecting their quarterly earnings, stock prices, and executive salaries; so they began their cynical disinformation campaign. Al Gore did not give up. He dropped out of politics to focus full-time on the peril of out-of-control carbon pollution; he met calmly and resolutely with countless community groups to raise awareness of the issue so people would put pressure on politicians to do something about it; and he made a movie about it that should have struck fear into the hearts of everyone who watched it. Still he was not brittle and unapproachable. Even the movie's title was mild: "An Inconvenient Truth." He did everything Brooks likes in a man and yet he failed because Gore was no match for Brooks's Republican party's global warming deniers, and now carbon dioxide is over 400 ppm and rising.
The better and more pressing question is, what is modern toughness when catastrophe is imminent? When electric grids fail? When salmon die? When crops fail? When demagogues come to power? What do we teach our kids now, Mr. Brooks?
The better and more pressing question is, what is modern toughness when catastrophe is imminent? When electric grids fail? When salmon die? When crops fail? When demagogues come to power? What do we teach our kids now, Mr. Brooks?
4
I find the new David Brooks tedious. If he wants to embark on a new career as a motivational speaker, life coach, or religious guru let him do so somewhere else, not in the pages of the New York Times. Perhaps it's time David bought a van, down by the river.
6
David Brooks is calling on us to be Knights of Faith. To take the leap of faith, and if need be, to shatter. And then get up and do it again, and again and again.
This is the best Brooks column I have ever read. I will print it and I will keep it for when I feel afraid and less than enchanted.
Amor fati...baby!!
This is the best Brooks column I have ever read. I will print it and I will keep it for when I feel afraid and less than enchanted.
Amor fati...baby!!
1
David, I'm with you 100%. But let me make explicit something that's implicit in your column: we boomer grandparents (a group that includes a considerable number of "veteran college teachers and administrators") find it far too easy to criticize how our children raise our grandchildren. I say, give the kids their turn. And I say that because the millennial generation is better than we ever were. I've been involved with education and training ever since I graduated from college in 1969--a career that has included teaching high school, training military pilots, developing a training program for the FBI, and teaching at one of our nation's service academies for over three decades. The students I'll be addressing in the classroom later this morning are best we've ever had. They're idealistic and know the 'why' of their lives. Equally important, they are realistic in their assessment of the 'how.'
So, grammy and gramps, stop your whining about today's youth. If you're really concerned about them, take some of that social security money, which the young people are transferring to you, and use it to reverse the decline in funding post-secondary education. Give the kids the kind of educational value we had when we were young. And watch them set the world on fire.
So, grammy and gramps, stop your whining about today's youth. If you're really concerned about them, take some of that social security money, which the young people are transferring to you, and use it to reverse the decline in funding post-secondary education. Give the kids the kind of educational value we had when we were young. And watch them set the world on fire.
4
David Brooks,
Thank you for your thoughtful commentary. One contributing factor to consider when examining the probable causes of today's young adults is the effect divorce has had on them. The parent absence, divided loyalties, shuttling back and forth, and most importantly affirmation of broken trust and covenant has had, I'm sure, a profound impact on them. Causing one to feel that relational failure, despite one's achievements, is an ever present threat, putting all who tread on uncertain footing.
Thank you for your thoughtful commentary. One contributing factor to consider when examining the probable causes of today's young adults is the effect divorce has had on them. The parent absence, divided loyalties, shuttling back and forth, and most importantly affirmation of broken trust and covenant has had, I'm sure, a profound impact on them. Causing one to feel that relational failure, despite one's achievements, is an ever present threat, putting all who tread on uncertain footing.
2
This isn't limited to young people. I recall that a few years ago there was a doctor (I think it was a doctor) kvetching that making over $250,000 a year was NOT rich. Oh, wahhhhh!!! He had it so hard and he had a family to feed . . .
You know, I blame participation awards. Everyone's a winner, but NOT EVERYONE should get a trophy.
You know, I blame participation awards. Everyone's a winner, but NOT EVERYONE should get a trophy.
2
I get your point, Mr. Brooks, but I am saddened by the number of commenters who seem to blame the kids. Some kids are self-starters. Not all. Every kid needs examples, reasons, and motivations. Maybe they don't need "good job!" as often as they hear it, but they need compassionate and encouraging adults who demonstrate strength and integrity, and call out BOTH good and bad behavior.
Help a kid with real, loving, honest support. Read to your grand/children. Then hand them a book, once they have the rudiments down. Don't do their chores just because you have guests coming. Don't re-make their beds just because of wrinkles. Eat the food they prepare for you -- don't wrinkle your nose at peanut butter and jelly; teach them about nutrition. Plant seeds, even if they won't grow in your zone, and show them why nothing happened come harvest time. Edit their writing lovingly -- don't re-write: get your red pen out and circle things that don't work, are spelled wrong, or used incorrectly. Don't over-explain. Listen to stories about "mean kids," and then be sure you're not listening to one of them. Never bully as an adult. Don't cheat.
As a stranger, you don't have to interact personally with a child, but you can play nice in traffic, smile, open a door for someone, smile, be good to your animals, smile. It takes a village to raise, or ruin, a child's consciousness and conscience. That includes observers who are quick to see the splinter in another's eye.
Help a kid with real, loving, honest support. Read to your grand/children. Then hand them a book, once they have the rudiments down. Don't do their chores just because you have guests coming. Don't re-make their beds just because of wrinkles. Eat the food they prepare for you -- don't wrinkle your nose at peanut butter and jelly; teach them about nutrition. Plant seeds, even if they won't grow in your zone, and show them why nothing happened come harvest time. Edit their writing lovingly -- don't re-write: get your red pen out and circle things that don't work, are spelled wrong, or used incorrectly. Don't over-explain. Listen to stories about "mean kids," and then be sure you're not listening to one of them. Never bully as an adult. Don't cheat.
As a stranger, you don't have to interact personally with a child, but you can play nice in traffic, smile, open a door for someone, smile, be good to your animals, smile. It takes a village to raise, or ruin, a child's consciousness and conscience. That includes observers who are quick to see the splinter in another's eye.
34
The first half makes sense, but the second half is just babble. It's not passion or ideals that make people resilient; it's temperament and experience. Most of our immigrant ancestors aspired to nothing higher than a comfortable life, and yet they were resilient in how they got there: improvising when plans didn't work out, accepting setbacks without resentment. Not everyone lives on a high dramatic plane of emotional fragility or ardor - for some of us, it's just "so nu? it's not gonna kill you, what are you worried about?"
1
"People are really tough only after they have taken a leap of faith for some truth or mission or love. Once they’ve done that they can withstand a lot."
Good description of Islamist Jihadis!
Good description of Islamist Jihadis!
2
Emotionally fragile youth have been the stock in trade of novelists for as long as novels have existed. So perhaps they really existed back then. Even in Shakespeare maybe, before new technology took the action off the stage and onto little sheets of paper that could be scrolled and swiped through privately. It's been downhill ever since. Downhill, I'm telling you.
1
Making sure everyone gets a trophy makes them think that people will continue giving them trophies throughout their life for just showing up.
3
Excellent and eloquent.
In modern political life I think Bernie Sanders best meets your criteria for toughness.
For many reasons, including some you cite, I believe our young people would benefit from being subject to universal conscription for a minimum of one year between the ages of 18 - 24. The service to be performed should not be limited to military, but should include working with elderly people, youth, in hospitals, in state and national parks etc. They would have the opportunity of meeting and working with fellow citizens from every background and economic spectrum. They would be exposed to a very diverse world in which their wants and needs would not have primacy. They would be exposed to the idea that the world is far larger, better, and worse than what they have experienced. They might even learn what it means to be an engaged citizen.
2
Maybe the ancient Greek purpose of doing "good" on a daily basis is one answer to Mr. B's essay. Such an endeavor usually connects one with another person or group.
But what comes to mind in a material, competitive society is the acceptance of "love". Such a connection not only gives a purpose to our lives, it may indicate that we have led a good life.
But what comes to mind in a material, competitive society is the acceptance of "love". Such a connection not only gives a purpose to our lives, it may indicate that we have led a good life.
David, Interesting article. You have a good heart, but I'm sorry, we were tougher and expected less. I actually did walk five miles to and from school, and worked many years in a steel factory. Kids today are great, but they live in a digital cocoon. One day in a steel mill in Ohio and their world would change...or so says the old curmudgeon.
4
Brooks seems not to know the difference between apples and oranges. He begins with college kids of today, the "orchid generation" and then jumps to "kids" in the past who did manual chores and got in playground fights before a life spent in a factory. In that same past, the sawed-off personalities drank to help them "feel" things.
Not like now, when the "kids" are cream puffs. I guess Brooks doesn't live here and now. He and his telos are somewhere else, where enchanted people are tough cookies. Like an Alice's Wonderland populated by people with higher moral purpose, faith leaping with abandon into causes and missions.
But, of course, he's talking only about men and boys despite Mother Teresa. And he's talking about different socio-economic-racial groups.
So, a number of human beings, the real tough cookies of the world are not in Mr. Brooks' view finder. Women who haven't the luxury of choice between a why to live for and precious little say over how, whose need to survive is innate and often tied to children.
The softy kids have stuff handed to them so that it doesn't mean much. It seems many young people are more interested in righting social wrongs and fixing the insanity of public policy than in stuff.
The kids on the other side of the tracks who don't fit into Brooks' column are in a hard life trying literally to survive most days without any telos. That won't make them tough cookies as much as hard cases and there is nothing enchanted about that at all.
Not like now, when the "kids" are cream puffs. I guess Brooks doesn't live here and now. He and his telos are somewhere else, where enchanted people are tough cookies. Like an Alice's Wonderland populated by people with higher moral purpose, faith leaping with abandon into causes and missions.
But, of course, he's talking only about men and boys despite Mother Teresa. And he's talking about different socio-economic-racial groups.
So, a number of human beings, the real tough cookies of the world are not in Mr. Brooks' view finder. Women who haven't the luxury of choice between a why to live for and precious little say over how, whose need to survive is innate and often tied to children.
The softy kids have stuff handed to them so that it doesn't mean much. It seems many young people are more interested in righting social wrongs and fixing the insanity of public policy than in stuff.
The kids on the other side of the tracks who don't fit into Brooks' column are in a hard life trying literally to survive most days without any telos. That won't make them tough cookies as much as hard cases and there is nothing enchanted about that at all.
5
We have forwarded this to our 18 year old daughter, who is leaving for college next week. She won't be surprised, or offended -- as these are things we have been talking about as a family for years. The themes are true and valuable.
While I am one of Mr. Brooks biggest critics for his role as an enabler and apologist for the worst excesses of the right, I found this essay to be thoughtful, helpful and free of political ideology. That is why I found it sad the usual commentators just piled on with typical liberal criticisms of Brooks and Republican party.
Can't we agree on anything? Even when a conservative commentator says something good?
While I am one of Mr. Brooks biggest critics for his role as an enabler and apologist for the worst excesses of the right, I found this essay to be thoughtful, helpful and free of political ideology. That is why I found it sad the usual commentators just piled on with typical liberal criticisms of Brooks and Republican party.
Can't we agree on anything? Even when a conservative commentator says something good?
2
College professors complaining their students are too sheltered seems like old news, an American pastime. The truth is college is suppose to be sheltered and safe. And the college professors are part of the team that helps these students ease into it. Don't complain; do your job. I don't get an argument that wants to make it old school and mean.
And adults moaning about "children today" and too much computer time and lack of grit rings hallow to me. Everyone is on a screen these days. The parents are the biggest offenders. These kids are just growing up in the world adults made.
College professors and parents want to see a change? Be the change, set an example.
And adults moaning about "children today" and too much computer time and lack of grit rings hallow to me. Everyone is on a screen these days. The parents are the biggest offenders. These kids are just growing up in the world adults made.
College professors and parents want to see a change? Be the change, set an example.
5
I agree with many aspects of this column's message, and I appreciate the thoughtfulness behind it. However my own experience does not support the central thesis that it is a cause beyond ourselves which ultimately builds strength.
Many of us (especially women) were raised to consistently prioritize others' needs before our own, a distortion which over time creates an unsustainable imbalance. A catastrophic event is quite effective at laying bare the flaws in this external orientation. The needs of the self need not be "selfish"; true happiness naturally grows from embracing the values of community, generosity, and compassion. But the only way to endure ongoing tragedy and indeed the small challenges of the day in a centered fashion is to sit with ourselves, absorb our own intrinsic worthiness, and go forth with the intention to align our actions with the needs (and gifts) of our individual soul. That process requires support from those around us, but I believe it is actually the shoring up of ourselves that permits us the strength to invest outward.
Many of us (especially women) were raised to consistently prioritize others' needs before our own, a distortion which over time creates an unsustainable imbalance. A catastrophic event is quite effective at laying bare the flaws in this external orientation. The needs of the self need not be "selfish"; true happiness naturally grows from embracing the values of community, generosity, and compassion. But the only way to endure ongoing tragedy and indeed the small challenges of the day in a centered fashion is to sit with ourselves, absorb our own intrinsic worthiness, and go forth with the intention to align our actions with the needs (and gifts) of our individual soul. That process requires support from those around us, but I believe it is actually the shoring up of ourselves that permits us the strength to invest outward.
2
A spot-on essay for college students preparing for a meaningful life, as well as their parents, many of whom are now looking towards a meaningful retirement.
What better way to keep the fear of the ultimate end at bay, not by frequent trips to a therapist (or the local bar), but by spending our time reaching down to help up those who need it.
What better way to keep the fear of the ultimate end at bay, not by frequent trips to a therapist (or the local bar), but by spending our time reaching down to help up those who need it.
1
Just as the Dean of students, Jay Ellison, at Univ of Chicago did in his letter to letter to the class of 2020, coddling to the piquancy of the student body wasn't their goal.
This ISN'T some brave new idea! College life is two-fold; it is meant to teach one the tools for life and serve as that social threshold that [hopefully] prepares individuals to learn the responsibility of adulthood.
Somehow it skipped [a] Generation-[WH]Y?
This ISN'T some brave new idea! College life is two-fold; it is meant to teach one the tools for life and serve as that social threshold that [hopefully] prepares individuals to learn the responsibility of adulthood.
Somehow it skipped [a] Generation-[WH]Y?
So it’s important to have a purpose but it doesn’t matter what the purpose is? That doesn’t sound like a good rule of life.
If you have the opportunity, live near your schools, parks, malls, movies, and churches and then let the kids ride their bikes and walk to these places. A little independence goes a long way to build character and keep bodies healthy.
"We live in an age when it's considered sophisticated to be disenchanted." Really, it is? I'm glad I didn't get the memo from Father Brooks.
1
When I was a child my older brother called me a cry baby, sissy and worse because I expressed my emotions. My mom taught me from a young age that true courage was the ability to be emotional and that cowards hid behind a wall of toughness. Because of her teaching I grew up curious about the world and willing to face emotional complexity.
My brother grew up to be an alcoholic.
I see the same things in the men who need to have a gun to feel safe. They think owning a weapon makes them a tougher man. They walk through the world in fear of almost everything, bolstered only by the affirmation of their cowardly-tough friends and the pistol in their glovebox.
Thank you Mom, for enabling this wide and wonderful life I live. I've learned so much because of you and I see how stunted many men are because they fell for the tough guy image.
My brother grew up to be an alcoholic.
I see the same things in the men who need to have a gun to feel safe. They think owning a weapon makes them a tougher man. They walk through the world in fear of almost everything, bolstered only by the affirmation of their cowardly-tough friends and the pistol in their glovebox.
Thank you Mom, for enabling this wide and wonderful life I live. I've learned so much because of you and I see how stunted many men are because they fell for the tough guy image.
5
Thank you for mentioning John Lewis, long one of my heroes. However, the orchid analogy is somewhat inapt, since orchids are much tougher than they look!
2
The orchid generation is my hope for the future. No other generation cares as much about buying products from companies that have values, fighting climate change, avoiding discrimination against people of color or those with ambiguous genders, and "clean eating". They also think Donald Trump is mean and are not voting for him. Maybe as hot house flowers they're fragile, but they're our future. How can we nurture them?
49
No, a "leap of faith" is not necessary to gain toughness. It was such leaps of faith by a generation that led to the rise of Hitler and also the rise of communism.
2
David,
I'm a big fan. But you really need to get out more.
A very large part of the populace is too rent-poor to have goals and outside interests like you describe. And yet many of them possess the unflappable character and "toughness" that you are looking for.
The same goes for so many of the chronically ill.
One does not need to be like Mother Teresa on steroids to be "tough". And one doesn't need to do "good works" to be a good person.
You're just hanging out with the wrong people. Wealth tends to make people skittish. And a sharp focus on gaining wealth often makes people envious. The rest of us just want to get some sleep.
I'm a big fan. But you really need to get out more.
A very large part of the populace is too rent-poor to have goals and outside interests like you describe. And yet many of them possess the unflappable character and "toughness" that you are looking for.
The same goes for so many of the chronically ill.
One does not need to be like Mother Teresa on steroids to be "tough". And one doesn't need to do "good works" to be a good person.
You're just hanging out with the wrong people. Wealth tends to make people skittish. And a sharp focus on gaining wealth often makes people envious. The rest of us just want to get some sleep.
4
Mr. Brooks,
you are displaying the ever existent complain of the older generation towards the young. They will make their way.
To me it just shows you are getting old and self centered. And your conservative views don't exactly help in this matter.
you are displaying the ever existent complain of the older generation towards the young. They will make their way.
To me it just shows you are getting old and self centered. And your conservative views don't exactly help in this matter.
1
I challenge Brooks to turn from his drumbeat of characterizing youngsters as underachieving, coddled, and in today's column, emotionally fragile. His evidence for today? Conversation with teachers (where are those teachers located, David? The wealthy neighborhoods where you were raised or live now?) and his gut. Brooks reveals more about the malaise that afflict the wealthy in this country than anything having to do with the experiences of most Americans. 50% of the children in Los Angeles County live below the poverty line. They should just toughen up and get real about their purposes in life?
I would prefer Brooks to look at himself and see that his complaints reveal more about himself than millennials, particularly his own intellectual and ethical shallowness. He blames young people for a lack of authenticity but actually demonstrates a lack of understanding and empathy. David, you want to help young people? Then let's stop killing the planet and work on an inclusive society that has opportunities for all. You won't critique the system but rather blame kids and their parents for the suffering the symptoms of an unfair and constricting society. Your blaming shifts the focus from what is clearly your own personal dilemma: a northeastern political conservative who tried to reconcile with social liberalism and dead-ended in a numb middle-aged ennui. Please stop with the hectoring and dime-store moralisms that, against journalism's mission, comfort the comfortable.
I would prefer Brooks to look at himself and see that his complaints reveal more about himself than millennials, particularly his own intellectual and ethical shallowness. He blames young people for a lack of authenticity but actually demonstrates a lack of understanding and empathy. David, you want to help young people? Then let's stop killing the planet and work on an inclusive society that has opportunities for all. You won't critique the system but rather blame kids and their parents for the suffering the symptoms of an unfair and constricting society. Your blaming shifts the focus from what is clearly your own personal dilemma: a northeastern political conservative who tried to reconcile with social liberalism and dead-ended in a numb middle-aged ennui. Please stop with the hectoring and dime-store moralisms that, against journalism's mission, comfort the comfortable.
4
Forget telos. I'm not convinced society will ever figure out a way to instill or induce that trait. Society could, however, figure out a way to line up a job for every young person who wanted to work if it put its mind to it. Let's have society solve some of its easy problems first. David Brooks could perform a real public service by lining up Republican support for such a proposition.
2
My experience with the college students in my classrooms is that they are often much more capable and resilient than anyone has ever asked or expected them to be. And that is what I try to bring out in them--the inner reserve that is there but that many of them haven't had to rely on in the past.
6
Mr. Brooks forgets that many of us readers have seen and heard him on television, and he looks and sounds like a fellow who still glances nervously over his shoulder to make sure the schoolyard bullies aren't following him. It's easy to imagine him losing the battle with a tough sirloin steak.
2
An adjunct to David's thought is that ultimately toughness wins out. It doesn't always of course. The ultimate measure is remaining true even if in the end you're seen as a loser by the world. And you could be wrong! There were a lot of flat earth people out there who passed never acknowledging the flaw in their belief.
1
Our prime contemporary exemplar of Modern Toughness, as DB knows yet has not the integrity to say here, is Hillary Rodham Clinton.
5
I think the idea of emotional fragility among students is overplayed. My students don't seem that way. But...the folks in the Student Affairs Bureaucracy seem to think they are and do everything they can to promote that vision of them. Sure, some kids have troubles, as they have always had. Ann parents hover like crazy. But this seems to me that we have an Officer Krupke situation going on, where the "authorities" project dysfunction onto the kids. Some kids buy into it wholesale. Others confuse legitimate political concerns with personal grievances. But, at the end of the day, I see the Student Affairs Bureaucracy claiming there is Trouble in River City, when there is none--or far less than they want us to believe. As far as I'm concerned: The Kids Are Alright.
4
I don't think our society has ever been able to make people "idealistic for some cause, tender for some other person,... committed to some worldview that puts today's temporary pain in the context of a larger hope". That will happen for more of us, though, in a society where, as Maslow indicates in his hierarchy of needs, people's physical survival and safety are met. I also believe hope is key for being "gritty" and resilient.
So many of the community college students I teach are highly anxious. Some are the first generation to try to get a college degree. They face self-doubt and, too often, obstacles like having the car break down, childcare arrangements fall through, no money for textbooks, computers, and food, etc. Too many students don't make it to the finish line. Those who don't may have to pay back what they owe for having made the attempt. It will be hard for them to be idealistic. In their worldview, today's temporary pain is tomorrow's pan too, and there is no context of a "larger hope".
Our government can do better about helping people meet their basic needs so they can go higher along Maslow's hierarchy toward self-actualization.
So many of the community college students I teach are highly anxious. Some are the first generation to try to get a college degree. They face self-doubt and, too often, obstacles like having the car break down, childcare arrangements fall through, no money for textbooks, computers, and food, etc. Too many students don't make it to the finish line. Those who don't may have to pay back what they owe for having made the attempt. It will be hard for them to be idealistic. In their worldview, today's temporary pain is tomorrow's pan too, and there is no context of a "larger hope".
Our government can do better about helping people meet their basic needs so they can go higher along Maslow's hierarchy toward self-actualization.
3
I like the idea of 'emotional fragility seems like a psychological problem, but it only has a philosophical answer'. I think that's part of the problem now. Everything has become psychological (go to a shrink, take those meds!), and sometimes you need it and it even helps. Helicopter parents don't help their kids by uber-protecting them. Sorry they just don't. Think about it. Yes there is a line here and I don't want to cross it. But aside from actual physical bullying, a child growing up needs to learn the lessons of how to 'take down' someone who is nasty and verbally hurt them. It's hard yeah (and there will be tears) but parents (and yes, teachers) have the responsibility to help that child become emotionally strong. Notice I said help. NOT do it for them. It's all about learning. Including enchantment.
"Helicopter parents." I wonder how many of those are working class. I've spent my life teaching in state universities in which most full-time students also work nearly full-time jobs. The colleges and universities that get in the NY Times with headlines about "safe zones" are elite universities. Let's at least be honest about this -- the young people Brooks is writing about are from the upper classes and will move seamlessly from Harvard, Yale, and Princeton to positions of leadership . . . and will be no more (or less) worthy than the children of any established nobility.
7
Mr. Brooks confuses several things that are quite different. First, "fragility." As a "veteran professor," I have recently seen students who would never have been able to go to college forty years ago because they have physical or learning disabilities come to college now, thanks to advances in knowledge and healthcare. Their "fragility" is not the same as that of students whose parents have done the students' homework and housework and threatened to sue the (expensive private) high school if it didn't write recommendations that were enthusiastic enough.
Second, first-generation college students have worked much harder to get where they are than the children of the wealthy and the academic and the professional. The first-gen students need help in navigating a system whose workings are already second nature to their more fortunately-born peers. They're plenty resilient because of the hardships they've already encountered, thank you very much. After a year of good teaching from state-of-the-art researchers, they'll catch up -- unless people like Mr. Brooks add to their problems by calling them "fragile" and scoffing at their desire to have a "safe space" where they won't be subjected to racial, homophobic, sexist, or anti-their-religion attacks.
Second, first-generation college students have worked much harder to get where they are than the children of the wealthy and the academic and the professional. The first-gen students need help in navigating a system whose workings are already second nature to their more fortunately-born peers. They're plenty resilient because of the hardships they've already encountered, thank you very much. After a year of good teaching from state-of-the-art researchers, they'll catch up -- unless people like Mr. Brooks add to their problems by calling them "fragile" and scoffing at their desire to have a "safe space" where they won't be subjected to racial, homophobic, sexist, or anti-their-religion attacks.
3
'Longing to see you and bringing the Furs,' wrote an elderly friend from Philly who decided at a young age to marry and forego college. She has broken every bone in her body, and looks the epitome of fragility, while I am simply growing more neurotic.
She is a force to be reckoned with. Singular, but her great father-in-law was one of America's powerful orators. Agnostic he was, but I doubt either of us will be having a political exchange of current events in October.
An acquaintance stayed with her daughter last weekend and it was an experience to see how close they are. They were planning to sleep in their car, and a fluke when we found out that the famous college she is attending is only a few miles away. From MD, they came with flowers, her daughter is quiet, shy, bright and loves her family, determined to do well.
A mutual friend of ours, short of a genius, put herself through college on scholarship. A recent speech of hers on ensuring privacy and space for girls was well received. Other times, another Era, today one has to have a degree to stuff envelopes.
Education matters for People of all Color, rich or poor, and there is nothing shallow about Hillary Clinton on these matters. I skipped the Trump University news. Give our children space, while keeping a sharp eye on them.
The Queen of France was doomed, her powerful mother in Austria was blocked by protocol, her warnings that the Party at Versailles was going to end badly, were lost in the mail.
She is a force to be reckoned with. Singular, but her great father-in-law was one of America's powerful orators. Agnostic he was, but I doubt either of us will be having a political exchange of current events in October.
An acquaintance stayed with her daughter last weekend and it was an experience to see how close they are. They were planning to sleep in their car, and a fluke when we found out that the famous college she is attending is only a few miles away. From MD, they came with flowers, her daughter is quiet, shy, bright and loves her family, determined to do well.
A mutual friend of ours, short of a genius, put herself through college on scholarship. A recent speech of hers on ensuring privacy and space for girls was well received. Other times, another Era, today one has to have a degree to stuff envelopes.
Education matters for People of all Color, rich or poor, and there is nothing shallow about Hillary Clinton on these matters. I skipped the Trump University news. Give our children space, while keeping a sharp eye on them.
The Queen of France was doomed, her powerful mother in Austria was blocked by protocol, her warnings that the Party at Versailles was going to end badly, were lost in the mail.
I agree with much of this essay. This does sound like it borrows much from Man's Search for Meaning--an important book that every college kid should read. As far as your examples of people we should admire, Mother Teresa has been considered iffy in some quarters. (Check out this week's NY Times.) I'd stick with Paul Farmer, or say, Madame Curie. Satrapi's Persepolis, and more recently, Igort's brilliant graphic work: The Ukrainian and Russian Notebooks, took a huge dose of courage, passion, and mastery to create. Artists and scientists who blaze paths have always had to be tough. From Handspring Puppet theater to Mac fellow Amy Smith. People survive and thrive when they have a sense of passion, a sense of fellowship and purpose, and when they don't have to struggle constantly against what has become a state religion of unfettered capitalism.
2
It's an interesting piece, although I would use the word "ambition" for what David Brooks is describing. I wanted to be a lawyer since I was 12, and I achieved that goal. I wouldn't exactly say that that ambition made me tough, but it certainly helped me to cope with the things in court that I didn't like.
2
Meh. Toughness is a ruse or a facade, and young adults have always had plenty of passion. In my experience most people who appear tough are actually just hiding fragility. At any rate it should never be conflated with grit, which is the ability to always pick oneself up, dust oneself off and get back in the game.
To this middle aged guy's eyes, what's wrong with so many of today's twenty-somethings is an abject fear of failure. From what I can tell it stems from the fact that they've never been allowed to fail, so they don't know what to do when it happens. When my kids were first learning how to ski they were all worried about falling. My advice was: "Look, if you're falling all the time you're not having any fun. But if you never fall at all, you're not going to get any better." The same lesson should be applied to life.
To this middle aged guy's eyes, what's wrong with so many of today's twenty-somethings is an abject fear of failure. From what I can tell it stems from the fact that they've never been allowed to fail, so they don't know what to do when it happens. When my kids were first learning how to ski they were all worried about falling. My advice was: "Look, if you're falling all the time you're not having any fun. But if you never fall at all, you're not going to get any better." The same lesson should be applied to life.
4
At last, I thought I'd found a David Brooks column that I could endorse. But then he made it not only a black-white/all or nothing issue (those who were resilient in the past had grown up with harsh conditions) but he devolved what is surely a good parenting issue into a philosophical issue.
"If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope."
Good grief. Just stop telling your kids they're so special; start expecting them to give back to the world, first in the shape of helping around the house then by getting involved in activities that help others, not just glorify themselves. And finally, let them experience age-appropriate "natural consequences" of their decisions instead of throwing themselves in front of and around the kids to shield them from unpleasantness.
It's obvious to this writer that DB does not have kids.
"If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope."
Good grief. Just stop telling your kids they're so special; start expecting them to give back to the world, first in the shape of helping around the house then by getting involved in activities that help others, not just glorify themselves. And finally, let them experience age-appropriate "natural consequences" of their decisions instead of throwing themselves in front of and around the kids to shield them from unpleasantness.
It's obvious to this writer that DB does not have kids.
2
Oh, my bad, he DOES have a child. And this is what his parenting style has wrought:
"After Brooks gave a lukewarm review of Obama's convention speech on PBS, his wife, Sarah, texted him from their Bethesda home: "You are crazy. That was great." What was worse, she reported that their 9-year-old son, Aaron, had said: "For the first time, I really disagree with Daddy."
That, Brooks said, "was like a knife stuck in my heart."
"After Brooks gave a lukewarm review of Obama's convention speech on PBS, his wife, Sarah, texted him from their Bethesda home: "You are crazy. That was great." What was worse, she reported that their 9-year-old son, Aaron, had said: "For the first time, I really disagree with Daddy."
That, Brooks said, "was like a knife stuck in my heart."
1
Emotional fragility? How about detachment coupled with an inability and lack of skill/knowledge on such basic fundamentals such as how to interact and communicate effectively. Just look closely at the picture. There is a group of young adults wine glasses in hand. Are they interacting with one another? No. They are all focused on their iPhones.
5
Mr. Brooks , I've permitted myself in recent months to read your articles' examination of the social psyche of modern men and women, a genre you have long cultivated. It is no secret that your conservatism favors the Republicon party I'm always waiting for the real punch line to appear; that the Repub's have devolved into a fractious mess with 'rats jumping ship' in this bizarre election. You face negative comments weekly and retain your committment to journalism.
Yes your telos shines brighter than the noon day sun, but when will you admit that the Republicon party is done ?
Yes your telos shines brighter than the noon day sun, but when will you admit that the Republicon party is done ?
1
Mr. Brooks:
your ability to read minds and motivations is amazing.
i would suggest to you that your concluding paragraphs are befuddled by a core misconception or two.
your "... considered sophisticated to be disenchanted" is actually the exact opposite:
- - both the supporters of DJT and of Senator Sanders are enchanted - -
the former by a conviction that only a reversion to a far distant past, say 1850 or so, will return them to a long-lost-fullness;
while the Feel the Bern group is in full-earnest to make positive changes now rather than in the next decade.
disenchantment with the status-quo indeed,
with an enchantment for change in its place.
one of the chasms that divides these two groups is the act and art of critical thinking.
in previous writings,
you have expressed a disdain for these enchanted folks,
and have despaired at the steady-as-it-goes HRC crowd.
pray tell, who is left for you to become enchanted with? and why?
as to today's college undergrads:
in a compare and contrast moment or two:
they are typically saddled with an overabundance of debt,
unresponsive and bloated administrations,
world-wide-realities of multinational corporations who operate with impunity,
and far too fewer job/career opportunities that earlier enrollees.
they will, inevitably, find their own ways to their futures.
the shame is that we have placed so many useless obstacles and mazes in their path.
the sooner the republican't party is dismantled,
the better for all concerned.
6
I have no idea what Brooks's political ideology is, so I can't join in the bashing. I can only comment on what's actually in the column.
As follows:
"Follow your bliss," Joseph Campbell said. Bliss is a lovely word all about pleasure and orgasms and basking in a warm afterglow that seems to go on forever.
"Follow your telos," sounds like work. Work is hard. Work is long. Work is soul-draining.
Those who dove deeper into Joseph Campbell than his tasty-nuggets interview with Bill Moyers know that following one's telos, having a purpose-filled goal is precisely what Campbell was saying reworded for a left-leaning post-hippie generation. Brilliant marketing!
It's fascinating to see that in comments about this column, those who would applaud Campbell reject the the words from which he derived his famous mantra expressing the identical idea.
What is always true is that having telos, a bliss, a goal does give a person more fortitude to complete a task successfully than not having one. As in: "I will learn organic chemistry no matter what because I want to go to med school."
The "bliss" comes at the end. It's a two cookies tomorrow rather than one cookie today scenario. Every parent knows how easy this is to tell a child, but how hard it is to live it.
Aristotle wrote that, "We are what we repeatedly do." If that is true, fortitude ardently driven by telos sounds pretty good. No matter what the author's political ideas may or may not be.
Great column!
As follows:
"Follow your bliss," Joseph Campbell said. Bliss is a lovely word all about pleasure and orgasms and basking in a warm afterglow that seems to go on forever.
"Follow your telos," sounds like work. Work is hard. Work is long. Work is soul-draining.
Those who dove deeper into Joseph Campbell than his tasty-nuggets interview with Bill Moyers know that following one's telos, having a purpose-filled goal is precisely what Campbell was saying reworded for a left-leaning post-hippie generation. Brilliant marketing!
It's fascinating to see that in comments about this column, those who would applaud Campbell reject the the words from which he derived his famous mantra expressing the identical idea.
What is always true is that having telos, a bliss, a goal does give a person more fortitude to complete a task successfully than not having one. As in: "I will learn organic chemistry no matter what because I want to go to med school."
The "bliss" comes at the end. It's a two cookies tomorrow rather than one cookie today scenario. Every parent knows how easy this is to tell a child, but how hard it is to live it.
Aristotle wrote that, "We are what we repeatedly do." If that is true, fortitude ardently driven by telos sounds pretty good. No matter what the author's political ideas may or may not be.
Great column!
2
"[E]motional fragility is . . . caused by the status code of modern meritocracy, which encourages people to pursue success symbols that they don’t actually desire."
Ahh, an argument for universal healthcare, where people can pursue their bliss without the worry of being chained to a job to avoid medically induced poverty.
Ahh, an argument for universal healthcare, where people can pursue their bliss without the worry of being chained to a job to avoid medically induced poverty.
6
>>>but they bathe one another in oceans of affirmation and praise<<< Is this not the truth! And they expect employers to do the same and those that don't are on the receiving end of cyber-bullying designed to destroy one's livelihood. I am ready to forbid the phrase "good job you're amazing" from my business. Tried minimally and failed- "Good job! You're amazing!" from team mates.
OMG! make it stop!
OMG! make it stop!
3
The core of this thoughtful and wise column is moral purpose. Education for earnings niches is not a moral purpose. Education to learn, can be, Martha Nussbaum was quoted recently in this newspaper as saying, "Did you stand for something, or didn't you?" A moral purpose has a good end in sight, whether that end is ever fully reached. It can be as large as peace in the world, as grounded as decency at home, or truth and honesty as involuntary responses in ordinary life. Purpose is not goal. It is an abiding state of the spirit, bonded to a value beyond measurable rewards. Goals can be won or lost, but the moral purpose is an abiding condition. Education can be the helping hand. A good question of any activity is, what's the point? A good question to be asked in this country's current arguments is, where is the moral purpose in this? We could lose a lot of nonsense and mischief. And be allowed to reach for something worthwhile.
5
It's interesting that Mr. Brooks blames the college students, and not the parents. These helicopter parents were the same ones, as he says, that were "raised in a tough environment." They are also the ones who have fostered this "coddled" environment and the idea of political correctness, not my peers.
As a recent college graduate myself, I find many of my peers to be extremely tough. They're putting themselves through school, working several jobs and getting amazing grades while trying to maintain a social life. These same students are aware of their surroundings and try to make a difference.
I am truly sick of all the millennial bashing that is going on. We've been dealt bad card after bad card, and we're trying to make the best of it. Maybe Mr. Brooks should go talk to some millennials, rather than those who look down at us.
As a recent college graduate myself, I find many of my peers to be extremely tough. They're putting themselves through school, working several jobs and getting amazing grades while trying to maintain a social life. These same students are aware of their surroundings and try to make a difference.
I am truly sick of all the millennial bashing that is going on. We've been dealt bad card after bad card, and we're trying to make the best of it. Maybe Mr. Brooks should go talk to some millennials, rather than those who look down at us.
82
I don't think he was bashing at all. He was examining what we all mean by 'toughness' and 'fragility.'
1
What you are underplaying here is the resiliency with which many of the college bound have handled the projections of their parents' generation. Our children have grown up bearing witness to the fruits of the modern meritocracy that you describe. Toughness is a sloppy term that applies more to social skills than anything else. It puts all the onus on them without owning any of the feelings that inspire the urge to label these kids in the fist place.
These kids have a lot on their plates: looming climate change; a political culture that demonstrates no willingness or even aptitude for sacrificing political gain for the larger good; A mass media and information culture that seems determined to destroy what few remaining boundaries remain between entertainment and rational debate.
This is our generation's legacy. Calling this generation fragile strikes me as more than a little self-serving. Many young people today have accepted this obligation without damning us for it. What would you call that if not toughness?
These kids have a lot on their plates: looming climate change; a political culture that demonstrates no willingness or even aptitude for sacrificing political gain for the larger good; A mass media and information culture that seems determined to destroy what few remaining boundaries remain between entertainment and rational debate.
This is our generation's legacy. Calling this generation fragile strikes me as more than a little self-serving. Many young people today have accepted this obligation without damning us for it. What would you call that if not toughness?
8
I think David Brooks ignores some important details about today's college student: far more are first generation students; far more have to balance work and school; far more have to carry huge debts to get through college; far more face uncertain futures once they graduate; far more students with various learning issues have been given an opportunity to attend college. In short, college students have good reason to be emotionally fragile.
2
It appears that the Islamist extremists already recognize this. They see that that are thousands and thousands of young men (and women) with no direction or purpose. They offer them a reason to exist and way to make the lives worthy. They must fight and defeat a mortal enemy that is destroying their world. They must take actions no matter how perverse and uncivilized including possibly their own death to do this.
All civilized men, women and governments must invest time effort and all resources available and offer them a higher purpose. Not just capitalistic monetary gains that most will never reach but ways to improve their world and the people that live in their world
All civilized men, women and governments must invest time effort and all resources available and offer them a higher purpose. Not just capitalistic monetary gains that most will never reach but ways to improve their world and the people that live in their world
2
Sadly, the modern lifestyles that we live in the West may prove the terrorists' assertion tobe true, if only because it is destroying the only habitat we have, while their 'old ways' may prove to be more sustainable.
I don't know the answer.
I don't know the answer.
I am a member of an internet group trying to change our lifestyles; to eat healthier, exercise more, find new vocations and avocations that better affirm our identity, and keep regular hours of sleep and activity. One mantra that has evolved from our postings is "Keep the grit in integrity." I found David Brook's commentary describes both affirming personal integrity and a "calling". I wonder that as Western societies become more secular we as a people have lost the sense of vocation, calling, that arose out of the Reformation. Its easy to be attuned to one's calling if they are, say, a musical prodigy and there is a culture able to nurture that talent. If one lacks the heart and mind to know one's gifts and is both deaf and blind to the moral motivations to serve others through work, then the floundering purposeless life will be lived. I think about Herman Melville's "Bartelby, the Scrivener", Saul Bellow's "Seize the Day", and Sinclair Lewis's "Dodsworth". Secretary Hillary Clinton in her acceptance made reference to John Wesley's benediction, "Do all the good you can,...". Lately broadcast news casts end with exemplary stories of Americans who do good and show us what keeping grit in integrity means.
17
Our world keeps improving despite ourselves. We raise our kids to have it better than we did and its working. Yes, some kids are behind the curve, but the majority keep advancing forward.
"Toughness" comes from a strong enough sense of, love for and respect for self to care deeply and effectively for other people. Everything else is ancillary to this. Tough people use their powers constructively, confront their flaws honestly and strive to overcome them. They refuse to blame other people or circumstances when they stumble. Toughness has a voice but does not blare. It celebrates and nurtures the gifts of others. It builds bridges, not walls.
I understand this. When I'm feckless, more often than I should be, I know why.
www.endthemadnessnow.org
I understand this. When I'm feckless, more often than I should be, I know why.
www.endthemadnessnow.org
1
Resilience does not come from “a fervent commitment to some cause, some ideal or some relationship,” as Mr. Brooks claims.
Emotional fragility stems from delusional beliefs about the nature of the universe (which includes the nature of our own minds). A fervent commitment to delusional beliefs does not promote resilience; in some cases it may even promote more emotional fragility. True resilience stems from better self-awareness and a better understanding of cause and effect. It requires a more cosmic view of events and our emotions.
To become more resilient I recommend two practical philosophies: Stoicism (as taught by the ancient Greeks) and mindfulness. You don't need to become "fervently committed" to them to reap their rewards; you merely need to put their wisdom into action.
Emotional fragility stems from delusional beliefs about the nature of the universe (which includes the nature of our own minds). A fervent commitment to delusional beliefs does not promote resilience; in some cases it may even promote more emotional fragility. True resilience stems from better self-awareness and a better understanding of cause and effect. It requires a more cosmic view of events and our emotions.
To become more resilient I recommend two practical philosophies: Stoicism (as taught by the ancient Greeks) and mindfulness. You don't need to become "fervently committed" to them to reap their rewards; you merely need to put their wisdom into action.
3
What I see is a pleasure in being a victim, more cynicism. I detect a greater sense of entitlement even among those who are prospering, yet who think they deserve ever more.
Some contempt for the government, for the elites, for the "moochers" may be well deserved, but there is an ever eroding display of gratitude for the many blessings of our society. The glass seems more often to be half empty than half full. And a sort of national malaise ensues until the likes of Trump comes to the rescue.
Some contempt for the government, for the elites, for the "moochers" may be well deserved, but there is an ever eroding display of gratitude for the many blessings of our society. The glass seems more often to be half empty than half full. And a sort of national malaise ensues until the likes of Trump comes to the rescue.
1
Living in an age where it's cool to be "disenchanted" did not start with this generation, no matter how disingenuously Mr. Brooks wishes to say it. What about the, "Turn on, tune in and drop out" generation of the '60's? The "Beat Generation" of the late '40's & '50's, which spawned Bob Dylan? The multi-national Ex-pats in Paris who created revolutions in art, literature and music in the '20's & '30's?
Throughout history there have been disaffected people who were not understood by the preceding generations, and it will continue to be so no matter how much republican thinkers wish to turn back the clock. A big difference with the generation Mr. Brooks is speaking of (to?) is the speed with which they gather their information, and it's unlike anything the world has ever seen. There's no waiting any more for news or content, and 30 seconds can seem like an eternity when the screen hasn't loaded yet!
Parental failures, lack of commitment, or reactions to a world changing faster than we can handle? This college generation has grown up in front of a screen, and maybe it's that simple a concept which makes them seem so disaffected. Kardashians, cat videos and Ted Talks don't help with confrontations in reality.
Throughout history there have been disaffected people who were not understood by the preceding generations, and it will continue to be so no matter how much republican thinkers wish to turn back the clock. A big difference with the generation Mr. Brooks is speaking of (to?) is the speed with which they gather their information, and it's unlike anything the world has ever seen. There's no waiting any more for news or content, and 30 seconds can seem like an eternity when the screen hasn't loaded yet!
Parental failures, lack of commitment, or reactions to a world changing faster than we can handle? This college generation has grown up in front of a screen, and maybe it's that simple a concept which makes them seem so disaffected. Kardashians, cat videos and Ted Talks don't help with confrontations in reality.
14
Being tended to like a rare and special flower does not teach one empathy nor does it teach one resilience.
We already have a shocking lack of empathy in this country not in the least represented by the followers of Donald Trump.
And unless I fell asleep and missed it the world hasn't changed enough to protect these special flowers from the every day run of the mill things we all must endure throughout life.
These special children have been done no favors by their parents. The world will eat them alive then carry on as it always has, ruthlessly, absentmindedly with those with the most grit in charge.
I admire people who are tough and resilient but still bend down to help those less fortunate. That used to be an American value. That used to be what believed before the culture of greed wiped it away.
I wonder what will happen to these children's children when they grow up in a world where what mommy's and daddy's need is more important than they are and there is no one to rely upon or no role models to help them endure.
We already have a shocking lack of empathy in this country not in the least represented by the followers of Donald Trump.
And unless I fell asleep and missed it the world hasn't changed enough to protect these special flowers from the every day run of the mill things we all must endure throughout life.
These special children have been done no favors by their parents. The world will eat them alive then carry on as it always has, ruthlessly, absentmindedly with those with the most grit in charge.
I admire people who are tough and resilient but still bend down to help those less fortunate. That used to be an American value. That used to be what believed before the culture of greed wiped it away.
I wonder what will happen to these children's children when they grow up in a world where what mommy's and daddy's need is more important than they are and there is no one to rely upon or no role models to help them endure.
4
This comment should be read and sent far and wide. There is nothing to add. Bravo!
1
Is someone feeding David Brooks funny mushrooms? Most of the angst in American society today stems from the growing horror that we must now compete with the rest of the world for power, influence and prosperity. Even worse, we are increasingly being forced to the realization that we as Americans are no longer the most capable competitors. Rather than rising to the challenge, many Americans take refuge in the idea that competition is bad or wrong or unfair, or they look to public institutions to rig the results in their favor.
America is not entitled to prosperity. And we will continue to lose it as long as we waste time with soft-headed nonsense that excuses our weakness through psycho-babble and victim-posturing. For the record Mr. Brooks, modern toughness is about being able to stand on one's own, confront serious challenges and accomplish what is necessary to sustain those we care about. A country of people like that would be great.
America is not entitled to prosperity. And we will continue to lose it as long as we waste time with soft-headed nonsense that excuses our weakness through psycho-babble and victim-posturing. For the record Mr. Brooks, modern toughness is about being able to stand on one's own, confront serious challenges and accomplish what is necessary to sustain those we care about. A country of people like that would be great.
2
Today's youth culture of fashionably thin-skinned outrage and conspicuous virtue ("Look at wonderful Me, eating kale and volunteering at the animal shelter--'giving back' looks so good on my resume--and deploring racism and being more open to nontraditional sexuality; oh what a good girl am I") should not be confused with non-toughness. Today's kids have a much rougher row to hoe than their parents and grandparents, and they know it.
I've always contended my parents' generation got the deal. They were born during the Depression, children during World War II (so they got the hard stuff over with early), and afterward enjoyed an unprecedented rise of the quality of middle-class life (including women and minorities finally being in a place to begin their not-entirely-over fight for civil equality). Today's youth faces global competition and reduced resources in a leaner, meaner world. They may have been overly protected from the violence toys we had so much fun with, but no one can convince me they're not tough in their own way.
I've always contended my parents' generation got the deal. They were born during the Depression, children during World War II (so they got the hard stuff over with early), and afterward enjoyed an unprecedented rise of the quality of middle-class life (including women and minorities finally being in a place to begin their not-entirely-over fight for civil equality). Today's youth faces global competition and reduced resources in a leaner, meaner world. They may have been overly protected from the violence toys we had so much fun with, but no one can convince me they're not tough in their own way.
2
Emotional fragility comes from a shaky foundation. The Ten Commandments are rock solid. The Our Father is more useful. Questioning the attributes of God is a fine college exercise but questioning the very existence of God (or some type of divine love and meaning) is a fragile exercise in pride at its worst.
For example, I could never be inspired (in a good way) by a woman who supports abortion or a man who uses the ladies room. If mom finally admits that she aborted one or two of my siblings it says a lot about the value of life, particularly my own. If dad went along with the decision it just reinforces how fragile and weak he is.
The abortion issue has made half of these young adults venerable. One has to discard natural law and science to think that abortion is an act of love (unless you have the morals of a mother hamster).
The need to know good from evil and to appreciate modesty is at least as old as the book of Genesis. Any college or newspaper that distorts the basics helps to make all of us more fragile. Brother will soon turn against brother for no reason at all. Evil becomes unrecognizable and politically correct.
For example, I could never be inspired (in a good way) by a woman who supports abortion or a man who uses the ladies room. If mom finally admits that she aborted one or two of my siblings it says a lot about the value of life, particularly my own. If dad went along with the decision it just reinforces how fragile and weak he is.
The abortion issue has made half of these young adults venerable. One has to discard natural law and science to think that abortion is an act of love (unless you have the morals of a mother hamster).
The need to know good from evil and to appreciate modesty is at least as old as the book of Genesis. Any college or newspaper that distorts the basics helps to make all of us more fragile. Brother will soon turn against brother for no reason at all. Evil becomes unrecognizable and politically correct.
1
The formula you are looking for is from the American philosopher/psychologist William James (1890): Self-esteem = success divided by pretense. By self-esteem, he meant a sense of personal worth, self-regard, of agency, and not some feel good nonsense. By success, he meant realness, accomplishment, competence, hard won. Pretense is false accomplishment, and so undermines personal worth and agency because it is not hard won.
Resilience (look at Emmy Werner's work for one) is really about competence and connectedness. Children who are resilient in the face of adversity [toxic stress is a new concept and is beyond adversity] are good problem solvers (competence), have friends, have at least one competent adult in their lives who looks out for them, and belong to a larger group, such as a church or other community.
Resilience, as you noted, is not an intrinsic trait per se. But neither is it related to having a cause. Most resilient people are just able to stay the course despite the odds working against them because they have a sense of connection to family, friends, etc. And helicopter parents ultimately undermine a sense of agency and the potential for resilience by doing for their kids rather than helping them learn how to do for themselves.
Resilience (look at Emmy Werner's work for one) is really about competence and connectedness. Children who are resilient in the face of adversity [toxic stress is a new concept and is beyond adversity] are good problem solvers (competence), have friends, have at least one competent adult in their lives who looks out for them, and belong to a larger group, such as a church or other community.
Resilience, as you noted, is not an intrinsic trait per se. But neither is it related to having a cause. Most resilient people are just able to stay the course despite the odds working against them because they have a sense of connection to family, friends, etc. And helicopter parents ultimately undermine a sense of agency and the potential for resilience by doing for their kids rather than helping them learn how to do for themselves.
16
Perhaps the emotional fragility is the result of living in a culture that values materialism over humanity, sees emotional and intellectual exploration as a boondoggle, and is ruthlessly excoriating of those who experience hardship.
How are all of us not supposed to feel impacted, and in our own ways fragile, when we live in a society and economy of ludicrous inequality and extreme competition over slim opportunities? That callousness you seem to think was left in the past is, in fact, quite healthy and broadly manifest in our nation. We celebrate the ruthless, the superficial, and the greedy. Our leaders are indifferent. We love to blame the victims of circumstance- whether that be for student loan debt, poverty, healthcare issues, or economics. Ours is a country that, lately, seems to love kicking people while they are down.
True strength lies in compassion, and the expansion of community and opportunity for all Americans, not the rough ride of unbridled capitalism that only rewards those with slick connections and sharp elbows. If we want to cultivate a society of committed and enchanted people, we have to create the cultural and economic room that celebrates those things and allows them to flourish. Are we all up to that challenge?
How are all of us not supposed to feel impacted, and in our own ways fragile, when we live in a society and economy of ludicrous inequality and extreme competition over slim opportunities? That callousness you seem to think was left in the past is, in fact, quite healthy and broadly manifest in our nation. We celebrate the ruthless, the superficial, and the greedy. Our leaders are indifferent. We love to blame the victims of circumstance- whether that be for student loan debt, poverty, healthcare issues, or economics. Ours is a country that, lately, seems to love kicking people while they are down.
True strength lies in compassion, and the expansion of community and opportunity for all Americans, not the rough ride of unbridled capitalism that only rewards those with slick connections and sharp elbows. If we want to cultivate a society of committed and enchanted people, we have to create the cultural and economic room that celebrates those things and allows them to flourish. Are we all up to that challenge?
44
As a millenial, I see the world bequeathed to my generation as a global experiment in Chinese water torture. Every day there is a steady drip, drip, drip of environmental degradation that will cost us pounds of flesh to fix, an elite class that cares for nothing but itself, and a hollow market ideology that values living, breathing human souls as nothing more than predictable consumers.
For most of us, the only way out of the grueling and underpaid service economy is college education. For our efforts to better ourselves and our value to society, we are awarded heaps of student debt that we pay not to the federal government, but unnecessary middleman corporations. We pay obscene interest rates that eclipse most mortgages. And if we cannot meet our minimum payment every month, the student debt corporations send SWAT teams to wring us dry, as they did in Texas this year [1].
Our parents had more prosperity. Our parents had more freedom.
And you say we lack toughness?
Nay, our skins are thick. But we can only take so much for so long.
[1] http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/u-s-marshals-arresting-people-n...
For most of us, the only way out of the grueling and underpaid service economy is college education. For our efforts to better ourselves and our value to society, we are awarded heaps of student debt that we pay not to the federal government, but unnecessary middleman corporations. We pay obscene interest rates that eclipse most mortgages. And if we cannot meet our minimum payment every month, the student debt corporations send SWAT teams to wring us dry, as they did in Texas this year [1].
Our parents had more prosperity. Our parents had more freedom.
And you say we lack toughness?
Nay, our skins are thick. But we can only take so much for so long.
[1] http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/u-s-marshals-arresting-people-n...
91
I hope your generation will be the one to realize that corporate capitalism and its cultural fallout is just about the most evil dehumanizing phenomenon to ever hit the human race.
I've never considered the older generation particularly unemotional. The older are just generally more practiced in the art of propriety. The young always operate in a world of heightened hormones and acute self-awareness. The youth today are better documented though. Youth also lasts longer now. In previous years, most people established their independence by early adulthood. That independence helps solidify a robust personal identity and a unique confidence in the future. By contrast, many youth today are only beginning a precarious career by their mid-to-late twenties. That has a deleterious effect on emotional self-confidence even among physically adult individuals. So, in a backwards way, I partially agree with Mr. Brooks.
The solution suggested here though is finding a telos or a reason for being. While I'd encourage anyone to be passionate about their interests and beliefs, I actually find that to be pretty bad advice. Sounds like an outside endorsement of fanaticism. I know Brooks intends his remarks in a positive way. However, please consider, the Manson Family thought they'd found a particular purpose and meaning in life. I won't beat the idea to death but I'm sure there are countless other examples out there too.
I'd recommend we back off the notion that there is only a philosophical solution to emotional fragility. Give the kid a good job and some sense of personal pride and accomplishment. My bet is everything else will take care of itself.
The solution suggested here though is finding a telos or a reason for being. While I'd encourage anyone to be passionate about their interests and beliefs, I actually find that to be pretty bad advice. Sounds like an outside endorsement of fanaticism. I know Brooks intends his remarks in a positive way. However, please consider, the Manson Family thought they'd found a particular purpose and meaning in life. I won't beat the idea to death but I'm sure there are countless other examples out there too.
I'd recommend we back off the notion that there is only a philosophical solution to emotional fragility. Give the kid a good job and some sense of personal pride and accomplishment. My bet is everything else will take care of itself.
College students in the 1960s thought that if they change the world around them, then from that action they will gain internal satisfaction and fulfillment. Today, that's been flipped on its head, and undergraduates are more likely to believe that only after they have secured an internal feeling of safety, acknowledgement, comfort, support, and confidence can they be of any use to the society at large. The reasons for this are legion: helicopter parenting, a multibillion-dollar self-help industry, the rise of identity politics, and the basic American notion that living in a free society is more crucial than living in a just society. In other parts of the world, especially Western Europe, the society operates toward what the common consensus has determined is just. Here in the US, we are obsessed with each individual's sense of personal freedom, and any overarching societal idea which reason and logic would say are just and right can be argued against on the basis that it may theoretically encroach on the All-American ideal of having it your own way. Thus, universal healthcare can be argued against here, while it is an uncontested fact of life virtually everywhere else on planet Earth. And thus, University policies which are constructed by overwhelmingly liberal and demonstratively compassionate administrations can still be loudly denounced because they are not sufficiently sensitive and respectful to every single identity permutation that one can claim.
30
I agree with most of this essay, but not with the assertion that those of us on college campuses who try to instill the habit of "critical thinking" encourage students to be "detached and corrosively skeptical." It is the opposite: we are encouraging them to be engaged in the debates of our world, to participate in our society -- whether in our families, communities, or affinity groups, as well as global culture -- and to be skeptical, not "corrosively," but with calm but passionate love for the truth, however hard "truth" is to define and however it may differ from person to person.
Going without critical thinking may mean you are always passionately overheated -- think of a Donald Trump rally -- but it does not mean that those of us who think critically are cold and detached. We are cool and we are warm.
Going without critical thinking may mean you are always passionately overheated -- think of a Donald Trump rally -- but it does not mean that those of us who think critically are cold and detached. We are cool and we are warm.
1
"The people we admire for being resilient are not hard; they are ardent. They have a fervent commitment to some cause, some ideal or some relationship."
Fervent commitment is easy: just pick something to hate. People like the white supremacists of the United States or the soldiers and terrorists of ISIS have fervent commitment up the wazoo.
Fervent commitment is easy: just pick something to hate. People like the white supremacists of the United States or the soldiers and terrorists of ISIS have fervent commitment up the wazoo.
3
Unwise to protect and shelter your children. Take it from the mother, of a 39 year old, who knows and regrets. Toughen them up for their own good.
4
Thank you David for some great thoughts. I only wish that some of the previous commentators would stop reading their political biases into your words. There are, in fact, some ideas that are no less true regardless of one's political point of view.
3
You're exactly right, David Brooks. Aristotle diagnosed us well as teleological or purposive beings. A reader has objected to your use of 'telos' here, but it's the Greek word for bullseye or target. We all need one to shoot at. And that confers commitment, which brings with it resilience. Your use of the Greek is a good reminder that we have wisdom awaiting us in life, from those who've gone before us and seen deeply into our condition. We impoverish ourselves to live without it.
2
Having taken (yet another) life blow in the last year, Brooks' comments resonate. I am gratefully aware that my resilience has always seemed tied to the presence of a larger purpose which, eventually, calls me to 'begin again.' Life is often harsh (see hen3ry). Without some 'force'--or purpose--to galvanize our inner resources, despair becomes seductive. Parents who model and encourage a purposeful life gift their children with strength and energy to meet life's challenges. Elie Weisel's memoir, Night, is a portrait of resilience, linking purpose with--not just survival--but triumph over horror.
1
Running out of stuff to write about must send you reaching into your same old story file. I'd be a wealthy man if I had a dollar for every "these kids today just aren't tough like we were" written by an overpaid sheltered columnist meeting a deadline. I've read columns like this going back to Ancient Greece. The kids today are meeting today's problems with today's answers. You are behind the times.
Snore......
Snore......
1
David says: "The people we admire for being resilient are not hard; they are ardent. They have a fervent commitment to some cause, some ideal or some relationship. That higher yearning enables them to withstand setbacks, pain and betrayal."
That is how I see Hillary Clinton. As I recall, that's how many people saw her while she was Secretary of State. I wonder if David would admire her for being resilient if only she were not trying to be President.
That is how I see Hillary Clinton. As I recall, that's how many people saw her while she was Secretary of State. I wonder if David would admire her for being resilient if only she were not trying to be President.
4
I do not see this group of 'fragile' youth that Lord Brooks refers to. I tend to think that this insult and canard has more to do with the highly skeptical youth of today refusing to become conservative.
Their resolution in the face of a bad economy and future created by conservatives suggests a toughness all their own. And they will not be regimented by greed & selfishness let alone the bigotry, hate, and misogamy of the right.
And as usual, Lord Brooks, you forgot the women.
Their resolution in the face of a bad economy and future created by conservatives suggests a toughness all their own. And they will not be regimented by greed & selfishness let alone the bigotry, hate, and misogamy of the right.
And as usual, Lord Brooks, you forgot the women.
2
When I think of toughness, I think of the movie "The Best Years of Our Lives," which is about American families and what they went through after the men returned from the war and tried to get their lives back on track. And I think of the famous last lines: "You know what it'll be, don't you, Peggy? It may take us years to get anywhere. We'll have no money, no decent place to live. We'll have to work, get kicked around... "
I think toughness is accepting that the world and our lives are both beautiful and horrifying--that that's the way it is and will always be. Toughness is carrying on as best you can and with as much dignity and kindness as you can muster. Tough people go forward even in the face of danger, get back up after the almost inevitable personal failure or disaster, and press on.
I think toughness is accepting that the world and our lives are both beautiful and horrifying--that that's the way it is and will always be. Toughness is carrying on as best you can and with as much dignity and kindness as you can muster. Tough people go forward even in the face of danger, get back up after the almost inevitable personal failure or disaster, and press on.
31
Emotional fragility is an unfortunate by product of our modern obsession with 'The Screen'. Wether I phone or I pad we are on it 24/7/365. The art of conversation face to face has been usurped by face time. Distance from other actual human beings has consequences that society must bear. Lack of empathy among them. Perhaps if people started talking to each other face to face and actually saw the emotional reaction triggered by their words they would be able to see what is worthwhile in life.
1
When I tell people I taught for 37 years, most shake their heads and say, "I bet you miss the way kids behaved years ago." I shake my head and tell them kids are kids. The fashions may change, the slang expressions change, the music may change, and their lack of homework excuses are a bit different. They have gone from, "my dog ate my homework" to "my printer is down". However, on the whole they aren't different from kids ten, twenty, or thirty years ago. Are the parents different? Not really. In any school year, 95% of the parents were caring, supportive, and grateful for the schools and what the teachers do. The other 5% were, and continue to be, a curious group of characters. Parents who come to conferences reeking of alcohol, mothers dressed in as little as possible, know-it-all parents who can't stand what we do, and the helicopter parents who are like stage mothers on steroids.(At the end of one school year a parent told me she read and wrote all her daughter's papers. That was too bad because the girl never got higher than a "C" on any of the papers.) They've always been there. So what has changed? Technology has come into the classroom and given these people access way beyond sensible boundaries. 24/7 grade sheets, cell phones, texting (parents texting their child during classes), and so on, allow these people to indulge in their overreaching parenting rather than all their children to lean how to become active and involved individuals. I'm glad I retired.
4
My son has just begun his journey...his stories are plentiful teaching inner city kids in NYC...his eyes glow with hope..even if his heart sinks at the plight of his students and their families.
How a right winger sells fanaticism: "If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope."
You had me until you wrote: "It’s caused by the ethos of the modern university, which in the name of “critical thinking” encourages students to be detached and corrosively skeptical."
Having critical thinking and being skeptical is precisely what protects us as a nation from the like of Donald Trump. The hallmark of a Trump supporter is complete lack of "critical thinking". This is precisely why he is so strongly supported by those white men that lack an education.
What we need from our younger generation is more critical thinking and skepticism of "common sense", and less blind acceptance of what we "know" as truth.
Having critical thinking and being skeptical is precisely what protects us as a nation from the like of Donald Trump. The hallmark of a Trump supporter is complete lack of "critical thinking". This is precisely why he is so strongly supported by those white men that lack an education.
What we need from our younger generation is more critical thinking and skepticism of "common sense", and less blind acceptance of what we "know" as truth.
5
"People are really tough only after they have taken a leap of faith for some truth or mission or love."
Translation: humans need to be insane in order to survive emotionally. Never face reality for what it is, and you'll be fine.
Translation: humans need to be insane in order to survive emotionally. Never face reality for what it is, and you'll be fine.
Columns like this, that simultaneously criticize helicopter parents and admonish the older generation for callous parenting that "taught toughness", bring back disturbing memories for me. I didn't become a parent until age thirty-nine. The new moms I hooked up with in a play group averaged about ten years younger. The prevailing philosophy among them was to teach independence as early as possible. I'll never forget the day, at the end of a nature hike, when two tired toddlers were sitting in the gravel parking lot, and the little girl started picking up handfuls of gravel and throwing them at the little boy, who, sadly, just sat there and cried. The two moms - intelligent, educated women - stood over them. The boy's mom saying over and over, "Sam, use your words." But poor Sam just sat there and cried, while the mom of the budding bully basically just made sure her daughter was doing no serious physical harm. I picked up my kid and left, disgusted. Observed a lot of situations like this, but I was a minority of one, from an older generation.
3
Some of the most ardent and resilient people in this country are immigrants. They didn't come here entitled or hovered over by their parents. They may not have entered legally, but they have a clear purpose - to make their lives and those of their family better. They work hard, often in jobs that others don't want. They support family members in their country of origin. Rather than celebrating their flexibility, determination, ardor, and tenacity, they are judged by some as criminals who need to be sent back from where they came. If only they could be viewed from a different set of eyes, their resilience would be embraced.
1
Some people have a story that the younger generation is fragile, but should we accept that on testimonial? I seem to find that older people are more likely to use the phrase 'trigger warning'. A decade ago when I attended school, people had been warning about a climate of political correctness, and I honestly could not find it in any of my classes.
Perhaps, Mr. Brooks, what you consider "emotional fragility" is really angst caused by economic insecurity. Those students arriving on campus see their debts accumulating from the first day they set foot on campus. They are aware of the economic sacrifices their parents are making to get them an education, often taking out more loans in their own name, and second mortgages on the family house. Perhaps that angst is caused by the realization that they may not earn nearly enough, even with middle-class salaries, to pay off their student debts until well into middle age, if then. And if they don't make it to a college degree, they may never earn enough to put their debts behind them.
I think the source of what you believe is emotional fragility is the economic deterioration that your party has foisted onto those young people.
Seems pretty clear to most of us.
I think the source of what you believe is emotional fragility is the economic deterioration that your party has foisted onto those young people.
Seems pretty clear to most of us.
43
Recently I heard someone lamenting over a hundred thousand in student debt. I said how did you accumulate that amount? She said that was the going rate for a quality college degree. REALLY? Aren't parents and children looking at the tuition total for completing an undergrad degree? Seems like there are other viable routes to a quality college education. Self imposed stress re the economic realities of the choices - smart - people made, like second mortgages? I just checked the Univ of Chicago web site for tuition rates. That is not just posted/available unless you are applying. Hahaha. Plan ahead and aviod the "emotional" [financial] fragility, and the $500 per month payment when the student loans come due.
Social faults traced to men as "uncommunicative" and then, women as "brittle, brassy and untouchable?"
Wow, David. A little over the top on the female side?
Wow, David. A little over the top on the female side?
2
Nice approach in finding yourself and seeing beyond you, by way of helping others achieve their purpose and dreams. Just to add to your reflections, a few points I was able to pick up (reading other's thoughts)) on a virtue not seen often enough, 'assertiveness'. Assertive individuals are able to get their point across without upsetting others, or becoming upset themselves. Self-esteem and negotiation implies compromise. This self-assurance and confidence is not aggressiveness; it is being able to stand up for your own or other people's rights in a calm and positive way but without accepting passively what is 'wrong'. Being assertive is being straightforward and honest; exercising appropriate humility for the little we know (and are) in front of a sea of ignorance of the things yet unknown.
Ideals must be clothed in ideology. My generation -I'm 80- measured our lives in coffee spoons and endlessly debated psychoanalysis, existentialism and socialism. It was still possible then to have faith in schools of thought. Modernity and post modernity sapped the will to believe, but the progress of social science itself finally put an end to ideology. Can new ideologies arise? I tend to doubt it.
1
What "truth or mission or love" is Mr. Brooks devoted to, searching for? This seems to be another vaguely personal, detached wandering and wondering. It's time to let go of this search and find a small, real life project that will make a difference. How about helping get a Democratic Senate elected?
1
"...in the name of “critical thinking” encourages students to be detached and corrosively skeptical."
An awe-inspiring misunderstanding of what critical thinking is.
An awe-inspiring misunderstanding of what critical thinking is.
3
I'm probably older than the college professors with whom Mr. Brooks spoke. I remember how, back in the 1960s, young people were called upon to challenge authority. It was a time of rebellion against traditional norms. It didn't end well.
Young people have different challenges today. They exist in a competitive environment where the stakes are high. If they "fail," they will be relegated to the 47% who are takers and moochers. Or to the 90% who will see their fortunes deteriorate.
They have been taught to be suspicious of government and other institutions, but there seems to be nothing to replace government in addressing problems. The invisible hand doesn't deal in justice or ameliorating suffering. It's hard to imagine a lot of them being idealistic for some cause. What can create the context of a larger hope. I don't think that "grit" is the answer.
Young people have different challenges today. They exist in a competitive environment where the stakes are high. If they "fail," they will be relegated to the 47% who are takers and moochers. Or to the 90% who will see their fortunes deteriorate.
They have been taught to be suspicious of government and other institutions, but there seems to be nothing to replace government in addressing problems. The invisible hand doesn't deal in justice or ameliorating suffering. It's hard to imagine a lot of them being idealistic for some cause. What can create the context of a larger hope. I don't think that "grit" is the answer.
1
You always seem to miss any of the things that are really at the heart of any real or perceived angst of modern youth. First, your premise is wrong. Young people today are decidedly not more accomplished that they were in past generations. In fact accomplishment means something more than having good test scores (after expensive coaching that didn't exist 50 years ago), or graduating from college. It means actually having done something yourself, and therein lies the problem. Our economy has shifted to exploit even the scions of the relatively well-to-do, and young people, if they want real jobs, have to engage in an endless nearly unpaid string of dead-end internships in lieu of actually starting a career. Fix that baloney and young folks attitudes would immediately improve.
Regarding your comments about alcohol, do you really think drinking was worse before? By every measure we consume more alcohol now than ever in our history. Have you ever lived near a college campus Brooks?
Regarding your comments about alcohol, do you really think drinking was worse before? By every measure we consume more alcohol now than ever in our history. Have you ever lived near a college campus Brooks?
2
OMG. Another "you kids are worthless and weak" screed from David Brooks. Do you realize, David, that you are but a few short years, and an emotional millimeter away from apoplectically screaming "Get Off My Lawn!" at them from the tattered emotional safety zone of your favorite mint bathrobe?
The current crop of kids are us; a fairly exact social experiment of how we would turn out under different social conditions. Evolution has not had time to budge since you were in college, David. So rather than point the finger at them, let's look at what has gone wrong with our society, in many cases solely due to insane government policy.
We have an out of control financial sector that is allowed to saddle them with permanent student debt. We have global labor arbitrage that excludes any but the most highly desirable of experienced workers from living wage jobs. We have a global surveillance state that monitors their every breath. We have unaffordable housing and crumbling infrastructure. We have eternal war. We have corporate bribery of politicians on an unlimited scale, making progressive change impossible, and a two party lock on politics that effectively eliminates third party candidates and any hope for significant change.
How would we have turned out under these conditions?
The current crop of kids are us; a fairly exact social experiment of how we would turn out under different social conditions. Evolution has not had time to budge since you were in college, David. So rather than point the finger at them, let's look at what has gone wrong with our society, in many cases solely due to insane government policy.
We have an out of control financial sector that is allowed to saddle them with permanent student debt. We have global labor arbitrage that excludes any but the most highly desirable of experienced workers from living wage jobs. We have a global surveillance state that monitors their every breath. We have unaffordable housing and crumbling infrastructure. We have eternal war. We have corporate bribery of politicians on an unlimited scale, making progressive change impossible, and a two party lock on politics that effectively eliminates third party candidates and any hope for significant change.
How would we have turned out under these conditions?
3
According to Mr. Brooks, emotional fragility is first caused by helicopter parenting (I daresay the bourgeoisie should just send their children to distant boarding schools, and stop caring about their wellbeing). Then, in university, these unfortunate fortunate ones are unable to find their telos because they are subjected to courses involving critical thinking. Apparently, critical thinking “encourages students to be detached and corrosively skeptical.” Bad critical thinking, bad. At the same time, however, it seems that these critical thinking skills don’t really take hold. These emotionally fragile students, lacking a telos, are unable to critique the “status code of modern meritocracy, which encourages people to pursue success symbols that they don’t actually desire.”
For Mir. Brooks, inspiration comes in the form of John R. Lewis and Mother Teresa. “John R. Lewis may not have been intrinsically tough, but he was tough in the name of civil rights.” Fifty years later, Black Lives Matter activists are engaged in new forms of civil rights action, sometimes to the consternation of the old guard, which now includes John R. Lewis. “Mother Teresa may not have been intrinsically steadfast, but she was steadfast in the name of God.” She’ll be canonized next week. By renouncing worldly riches, she achieved the ultimate religious accolade: saint. Good luck with that telos thing, kids.
For Mir. Brooks, inspiration comes in the form of John R. Lewis and Mother Teresa. “John R. Lewis may not have been intrinsically tough, but he was tough in the name of civil rights.” Fifty years later, Black Lives Matter activists are engaged in new forms of civil rights action, sometimes to the consternation of the old guard, which now includes John R. Lewis. “Mother Teresa may not have been intrinsically steadfast, but she was steadfast in the name of God.” She’ll be canonized next week. By renouncing worldly riches, she achieved the ultimate religious accolade: saint. Good luck with that telos thing, kids.
1
Brooks could easily tie his analysis into the die-hard support which Trump is receiving from precisely those who feel cast adrift by modern society and threatened by emerging minorities. Indeed, the Trump following is more likely to consist of those who did not have helicopter parents. The real question, if Brooks is right, is how to restore a sense of purpose to this country and its people. For myself, politics aside, making America even greater is dedicating it to the principles of the Constitution and the improvement of peoples' lives, with the economy seen as a subordinate means to that end, not a dominant end in itself. As I read what I just wrote, it seems so naive, but it also seems about right. We need to work to make each of us equal under the law, know that we are enriched and strengthened by diversity in our lives (not off there, some place), and dedicated to making each other better as individuals of character and worthy commitments to society and others.
What makes college students today so "accomplished" is that they are already committed to some purpose. Resiliency can be nurtured with a more flexible high school experience that allows students to be expose to more ideas and environments rather than commit to just one "specialty."
1
The high cost of everything - particularly a home to call your own - relative to income, high mobility geographically speaking and the resulting disconnection from a sense of place as well as from ancestors and extended family, fading out of grand narratives (religion, ideology) and their replacement by critiques which offer no alternative goals pathways, are all contributing factors in a sort of mass disorientation or re-shuffling of expectations happening in the US right now.
Thankfully, people are more educated than perhaps they've ever been, and access to information about everything from news to science to history, geography and medicine has never been greater.
So the challenge is - how to recreate human communities/interactions that nuture our emotional or spiritual needs. Information is not enough. Science is not enough. Money is not enough.
With each passing it day it seems that a machine or another person can do anything we can - faster, better, cheaper - and quite obviously. So what's our worth? Are we just the sum of our productivity?
Even if you are the top 1% of something you, you can barely grasp the satisfaction of it before you are forgotten and buried in second page search results. And what about everyone else? When the elite becomes that standard, where does that leave the 'substandard' humans?
On the other hand, maybe human existence always been this way?
Thankfully, people are more educated than perhaps they've ever been, and access to information about everything from news to science to history, geography and medicine has never been greater.
So the challenge is - how to recreate human communities/interactions that nuture our emotional or spiritual needs. Information is not enough. Science is not enough. Money is not enough.
With each passing it day it seems that a machine or another person can do anything we can - faster, better, cheaper - and quite obviously. So what's our worth? Are we just the sum of our productivity?
Even if you are the top 1% of something you, you can barely grasp the satisfaction of it before you are forgotten and buried in second page search results. And what about everyone else? When the elite becomes that standard, where does that leave the 'substandard' humans?
On the other hand, maybe human existence always been this way?
1
The family problems that I have encountered involve parents who let the little kids run the show. The basic rules of life are not enforced. I assume that the kids are somehow supposed to pick it up on their own without any parental guidance. Like little kids who are allowed to rudely argue with their grandparents while the parents sit mute without any attempt to correct the kid. They want to be buddies with the kid when they should be serving as parents. The kids were not born with an inherent knowledge about how to interact with other people.
Not to dispute the importance of a purpose in life, but . . . I've long wondered if the reason colleges are seeing more people who struggle is because colleges are getting more diversity of students (in terms of life experiences, economic background, ethnicity, etc.) -- in other words, more students who previously would not have been enrolled? At least one columnist points to this as one of several factors that explains the "low resilience" of today's college students: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/making-sense/student-resilience-time-low/
Good column. Much to think about re: our corrosive culture and its effects. Funny that most commenters prefer to trash the columnist in tangential ways--apparently because he's a Republican.
"Then they went off to do grueling work in the factory or they learned toughness and grit in the military..." Um, David, a little research will reveal that these factory jobs began disappearing in the 1950s and 1960s and manufacturing shifted to Asia and parts of Latin America. The draft officially ended in 1973, so both of these explanations occurred decades before today's college students were even born.
Thanks for another thoughtful column. The crime rate in America has gone dramatically over the last few decades, and no convincing explanation for why this has happened has emerged. Could it be that our more fragile youth are growing up less violent and more empathetic?
Probably not.
Nicely said Mr Brooks! I think a lot of helicoptering has misplaced love behind it. Safe spaces and trigger warnings are a recognition that words do hurt sometimes and they are right, I've never forgotten some of the things I've been through. I do live in a world of constantly re-experiencing nasty events that have occurred over the years. Each retelling brings mastery though. This is a point which has been forgotten. The victim by successive reliving eventually gains mastery over the trauma.
On my best days, nothing triggers me and I do not remember anything, and work gets done and I am happy. On my worst days, it's bitter but I eventually work my way out of it. This is the skill you deny to people if you are always worried about upsetting someone by triggering negative thoughts or feelings. If you don't give them the opportunity to develop the skills to work their way out of their feelings or emotions, they will be forever in a fantasy world. You will have unintentionally hurt them very deeply in the long run of life.
Oh, and college wouldn't have been that interesting or thought provoking. It would have been a drag.
On my best days, nothing triggers me and I do not remember anything, and work gets done and I am happy. On my worst days, it's bitter but I eventually work my way out of it. This is the skill you deny to people if you are always worried about upsetting someone by triggering negative thoughts or feelings. If you don't give them the opportunity to develop the skills to work their way out of their feelings or emotions, they will be forever in a fantasy world. You will have unintentionally hurt them very deeply in the long run of life.
Oh, and college wouldn't have been that interesting or thought provoking. It would have been a drag.
1
"People are much stronger than they think they are when in pursuit of their telos, their purpose for living." You'll never say it, but a certain Presidential candidate has spent her life pursuing the purpose of helping people and encouraging amity between people and nations.
Your need to philosophize away your disgust for Trump is getting boring.
Your need to philosophize away your disgust for Trump is getting boring.
Another year another whine about the current generation of college students. I've been a professor for 25+ years and the current group of students is what provides me hope in the middle of the darkness of the Boomers bitchy, nasty, content last battle. The upcoming generation are smart, motivated, hard working, color blind, gender blind and much stronger then given credit. All this column amounts to is Brooks pulling his pants up to his nipples and metaphorically screaming "get off of my lawn you whippersnappers."
3
I agree. This generation seems to contain the possibility of realizing significant positive change vis a vis the development of a more hopeful world view. I believe this to primarily derive from an historically unprecedented secularization of culture. They are realizing the beginnings of an understanding suggested by another quote from Nietzsche:
"All the beauty and sublimity we have bestowed upon real and imaginary things I will reclaim as the property and product of man: as his fairest apology. Man as poet, as thinker, as God, as love, as power: with what regal liberality he has lavished gifts upon things so as to impoverish himself and make himself feel wretched! His most unselfish act hitherto has been to admire and worship and to know how to conceal from himself that it was he who created what he admired.—"
Nietzsche, Fredrich (2015-04-02). Will to Power (Kindle Locations 1881-1884). P.135 . Kindle Edition
"All the beauty and sublimity we have bestowed upon real and imaginary things I will reclaim as the property and product of man: as his fairest apology. Man as poet, as thinker, as God, as love, as power: with what regal liberality he has lavished gifts upon things so as to impoverish himself and make himself feel wretched! His most unselfish act hitherto has been to admire and worship and to know how to conceal from himself that it was he who created what he admired.—"
Nietzsche, Fredrich (2015-04-02). Will to Power (Kindle Locations 1881-1884). P.135 . Kindle Edition
We need to define what 'accomplished' actually means in this context. Academic accomplishment is only one dimension. For instance, an impressive resume of a recent graduate from Ivy League schools says more about the 'financial success' of the patents than it does about the intellectual or 'academic success' of the student. What are we measuring here? Young people afforded these opportunities through financial and social access of their parents are not 'accomplished'. And the outcome of the process is a social elite with little experience, emotionally fragile, and intolerant of contrary ideas, which they perceive as offensive or too difficult to deal witj, as we see on many college campuses. How is that an accomplishment?
It's difficult to separate accomplishment from emotional resilience tested through hardship, self-examination, or commitment to a greater cause.
It's difficult to separate accomplishment from emotional resilience tested through hardship, self-examination, or commitment to a greater cause.
Attention needs to be paid to the foundation. Inability to commit to a definite telos is caused by a lack of solid peer camaraderie from which a person is able to project his or her will to embrace great undertakings. Children and young people need to be discouraged from using social media to explore friendship and encouraged in friendships with those near them in real life. Good, communicative parenting will provide a solid basis for these friendships, without feeling the need to protect from the bumps and bruises inevitably produced in naturally developing friendships.
I had a suburban feral childhood that didn't lead to opportunities as an adult. Interaction with grown-ups was rare. That's why many people like myself closely monitor our children's environment.
Me and the group of friends I grew up with didn't become callous because we know exactly what it's like to be stranded somewhere at ten years old with no money, no phone and no transportation.
Young people today literally have the world at their fingertips. They know a lot more about what it's like outside of their own communities than we did. I would gladly trade-in my experiences for a childhood today.
Me and the group of friends I grew up with didn't become callous because we know exactly what it's like to be stranded somewhere at ten years old with no money, no phone and no transportation.
Young people today literally have the world at their fingertips. They know a lot more about what it's like outside of their own communities than we did. I would gladly trade-in my experiences for a childhood today.
30
This article goes along with yesterday's Why Did We Stop Teaching Political History? By FREDRIK LOGEVALL and KENNETH OSGOOD (8/29/16). By learning history, we see that we are connected to something larger than ourselves and in turn want to contribute. There are many ways to contribute - in science, invention, teaching, legal service, or health care.
There is a big class issue going on here, people who were given everything but not asked or expected to serve or work in return. Perhaps young people are getting further away from the stories of our parents or grandparents sacrifice. When I went off to college, I thought about the sacrifices my parents were making to send me there. I thought about the time and encouragement from teachers and neighbors. Failure was not an option, I wanted to make them proud since they were part of my journey. I was going to find a way to do well which meant studying for hours. Perhaps young people don't know a veteran who went to war because their country needed them or volunteered? In some sense, when you get to a certain class, you don’t need anybody and nobody really needs you, either.
There is a big class issue going on here, people who were given everything but not asked or expected to serve or work in return. Perhaps young people are getting further away from the stories of our parents or grandparents sacrifice. When I went off to college, I thought about the sacrifices my parents were making to send me there. I thought about the time and encouragement from teachers and neighbors. Failure was not an option, I wanted to make them proud since they were part of my journey. I was going to find a way to do well which meant studying for hours. Perhaps young people don't know a veteran who went to war because their country needed them or volunteered? In some sense, when you get to a certain class, you don’t need anybody and nobody really needs you, either.
Mr. Brooks, you're assuming what we thought was toughness is callousness. I don't see it that way at all and even if some of it was callousness, this is part of the human condition. Parent's hovering over their children and arranging play dates, settling school yard disputes and presenting children with a plaque for just showing up, instead of winning is in no way helpful to a child developing in a world that although has changed, still requires some interaction skills each child must develop themselves. Let the kids settle the schoolyard dispute themselves. Praise the child for his or her efforts, but make them understand that the point of competition is to determine who the best is. Give them some space, but give them tough chores and let them learn as they go. No one can determine the "toughness" of any child until they experience the challenge and can gauge for themselves how tough they need to be to feel good about themselves. Mommy and Daddy manipulating each and every event or encounter with life is not healthy and that type of parenting is not doing the child any service or better preparing he or she for the real world. Callous conditions or not, have some faith in the determination and wherewithal of our youth. The "greatest generation" was not weaned by helicopter parents.
19
For half this generation too much has been done. For the other half, too little.
Too many kids today can't play a baseball game without an umpire, two complete teams, uniforms, a manicured ballfield, and a ride to the game and back in some parent's travel van. They are coddled through school and rarely left to make their own decisions. They are emotionally fragile because they have never had to tough things out on their own. Not many years ago, when you graduated from high school, your gift was a suitcase and the implication that you were never to return with it in hand.
For the other half who come from the poorer communities, particularly young black males, toughness is rampant, and emotional fragility eschewed. The parent plays virtually no role in their formation. The "gang' is their family and their mortality is high. Two greater opposites can hardly be found.
David nailed it at the end of his piece with this incredible irony: only the have-nots are enchanted.
Too many kids today can't play a baseball game without an umpire, two complete teams, uniforms, a manicured ballfield, and a ride to the game and back in some parent's travel van. They are coddled through school and rarely left to make their own decisions. They are emotionally fragile because they have never had to tough things out on their own. Not many years ago, when you graduated from high school, your gift was a suitcase and the implication that you were never to return with it in hand.
For the other half who come from the poorer communities, particularly young black males, toughness is rampant, and emotional fragility eschewed. The parent plays virtually no role in their formation. The "gang' is their family and their mortality is high. Two greater opposites can hardly be found.
David nailed it at the end of his piece with this incredible irony: only the have-nots are enchanted.
3
Mr. Brooks, normally I roll my eyes at your columns. But this was beautifully written and spot on. Thank you! I will share it with my son, who is 11. This is wisdom, gained from knowledge and experience, and a way forward for this generation that allows for beauty, love, and achievement in the face of anxiety, pain, loss, and setbacks. Well done.
1
The lack of emotional toughness starts from the earliest days with helicopter parents. Then, in elementary school, everyone gets a prize just for showing up. No one fails in high school because of "social promotion." By the time people reach adulthood they are well aware of their "entitlements." We have pretty much reached the point where everyone gets the minimum wage, which, of course, is not high enough, just for showing up; if they do anything, they should get paid more. We have become so conditioned to entitlements that people reject personal failure, because it is really someone else's fault not theirs.
We have a much bigger problem than Mr. Brooks understands.
We have a much bigger problem than Mr. Brooks understands.
1
As I approach my 65th birthday I also can fall in to the musing on how"bad" things of come with the "younger generation". Of course I was just as "bad" when I was the younger generation.
Nostalgia is a normal human condition. But who are we to judge what characteristics will rise to the fore for the challenges the younger generation makes? More likely they will have about the same rates of successful adaptation to the challenges faced as we did.
Which, given the world we have, may not be that comforting.
Nostalgia is a normal human condition. But who are we to judge what characteristics will rise to the fore for the challenges the younger generation makes? More likely they will have about the same rates of successful adaptation to the challenges faced as we did.
Which, given the world we have, may not be that comforting.
1
Maybe we should just establish safe zones for everybody. Its part of how come I migrated to México 12.5 yrs ago - its a safe(r) zone for me to be away from my birth country, which has been going off the rails since at minimum 1980 accelerated beyond belief in 2000. And trigger warnings - well so many people have firearms in the USA that a trigger warning is common sense.
2
Finding a cause in mind can help us, but the American Psychology Association has 10 ways to build resilience:
Make connections.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.
Accept that change is a part of living.
Move toward your goals.
Take decisive actions.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery.
Nurture a positive view of yourself.
Keep things in perspective.
Maintain a hopeful outlook.
Take care of yourself.
Exercise regularly.
Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.
Make connections.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.
Accept that change is a part of living.
Move toward your goals.
Take decisive actions.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery.
Nurture a positive view of yourself.
Keep things in perspective.
Maintain a hopeful outlook.
Take care of yourself.
Exercise regularly.
Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.
2
Apply it to the world: global corporations keep it "running." Their ceo's need to be "tough," brutal. even sometimes involving war. Individuals don't count for much; quarterly profits are the "telos."
Individuals around the world fit in as best they can. If born into harsh surroundings they either perish or survive; but are seldom able to relax enough to contemplate their situation. Looking only to their own subsistence, they are easily led by propaganda of the elites (who are still offering them "bread and circuses" after all these years.)
Blessed by nurturing surroundings people can be relaxed enough to contemplate, empathize, even become altruistic.
We who contemplate must rein in the global brutes and mitigate the harsh surroundings thereby encouraging a new generation of altruists.
Individuals around the world fit in as best they can. If born into harsh surroundings they either perish or survive; but are seldom able to relax enough to contemplate their situation. Looking only to their own subsistence, they are easily led by propaganda of the elites (who are still offering them "bread and circuses" after all these years.)
Blessed by nurturing surroundings people can be relaxed enough to contemplate, empathize, even become altruistic.
We who contemplate must rein in the global brutes and mitigate the harsh surroundings thereby encouraging a new generation of altruists.
1
I would define critical thinking is never to begin an argument built on evidence gathered from talks you have had with "veteran college teachers and administrators." I could expand on this definition with evidence gathered from you own personal insights into the inner traits of man that are driving our civilization.
Is it any coincidence that today's generation - the most well educated and well traveled generation in American history - is largely eschewing the tasteless and crass ventures to exploit anything to make as much money as humanly possible, unlike previous generations?
No, in fact what today's generation perhaps lacks in the practiced ability to persevere through sacrifice, it largely makes up for in its ability to think critically through myriad problems and issues long-term: climate change, energy policy, technological advances and how they can contribute to society in a meaningful way to help mitigate human suffering and help themselves (and their neighbors) enjoy a higher quality of life.
The previous generations, with their pride in selfishness and insular accomplishments, thought of making money as a zero sum game, it didn't matter how it happened or what it was. There are genuine problems facing human society and today's generation has realized that no amount of greed or selfishness masked by a self righteous veil of 'personal responsibility' will solve them, and that instead we must collectively work together to find answers.
No, in fact what today's generation perhaps lacks in the practiced ability to persevere through sacrifice, it largely makes up for in its ability to think critically through myriad problems and issues long-term: climate change, energy policy, technological advances and how they can contribute to society in a meaningful way to help mitigate human suffering and help themselves (and their neighbors) enjoy a higher quality of life.
The previous generations, with their pride in selfishness and insular accomplishments, thought of making money as a zero sum game, it didn't matter how it happened or what it was. There are genuine problems facing human society and today's generation has realized that no amount of greed or selfishness masked by a self righteous veil of 'personal responsibility' will solve them, and that instead we must collectively work together to find answers.
5
I want to believe you but I've always heard the boomer generation was the most highly educated, the conspiricy theory being that a shadow group called the "Trilateral Commission" decided to dumb down education in America because a well educated populace was hard to control. So what evidence is there that the "Orchid" generation is better educated?
"What evidence is there that the "orchid" generation is better educated?"
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2014-10-08/millennials-become-mos...
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2014-10-08/millennials-become-mos...
2
"And then many people turned to alcohol to help them feel anything"
Very telling. While alcohol loosens our inhibitions it numbs the emotions and creates mental amnesia. The state of millennial alcoholism that starts in the helicoptering home and is enabled in name-brand colleges and universities- and spills out onto my streets as the zombie mob careens in drunken shrieking consumerism with Daddy's credit card in hand - is not addressed here. When everything is handed to you at conception nothing has any value. Thr concept of "work" is for dopes and losers - or just the honest "illegals" who are the finest individuals in our society IMHO. The meek shall inherit. The rest who will kill themselves with privileged excess won't be missed.
Very telling. While alcohol loosens our inhibitions it numbs the emotions and creates mental amnesia. The state of millennial alcoholism that starts in the helicoptering home and is enabled in name-brand colleges and universities- and spills out onto my streets as the zombie mob careens in drunken shrieking consumerism with Daddy's credit card in hand - is not addressed here. When everything is handed to you at conception nothing has any value. Thr concept of "work" is for dopes and losers - or just the honest "illegals" who are the finest individuals in our society IMHO. The meek shall inherit. The rest who will kill themselves with privileged excess won't be missed.
Unlike only a few years ago, there are several generations inter acting day to day. I am from the very very small so called silent generation, born of WW 2 parents. My generation went out the door in the morning with only one suggestion, be home for meals. My kids on the other hand hauled their kids everywhere never out of their sight, for overly supervised activities. When my generation turned 18, the boys were expected to move out and support themselves, or be drafted, or join to cut down time served. Of no importance but just some comparisons.
1
David Brooks.....you have found a kernel of truth within the tortuous maze
of your rambling thoughts....
Yes....the high school graduate has been made into an undeserving elite
person...and remains....untested and has not earned the credits which come
from being tested in the world.
I suggest that youth should expect to be tested....should have the option of
serving their country in universal draft for public service which would afford
them all the opportunity to succeed in life: to be responsible for themselves
and to help others...either into a home grown public USA peace corps or
in military service....
The adolescents will not "grow up" until they meet the common challenge
of basic survival skills.
of your rambling thoughts....
Yes....the high school graduate has been made into an undeserving elite
person...and remains....untested and has not earned the credits which come
from being tested in the world.
I suggest that youth should expect to be tested....should have the option of
serving their country in universal draft for public service which would afford
them all the opportunity to succeed in life: to be responsible for themselves
and to help others...either into a home grown public USA peace corps or
in military service....
The adolescents will not "grow up" until they meet the common challenge
of basic survival skills.
Many schools are now looking at how to develop resilience in pupils and how to cope with stressful situations and to equip piupils with skills in how to improve performance through channelling the appropraite levels of challenge and stress.
working in an international school we see this as very important.
I really enjoyed the article.
working in an international school we see this as very important.
I really enjoyed the article.
Based on anecdotal experience at best Mr. Brooks once more generalizes himself to claims about 'students today' just as he does often about 'X today' as examples of some presupposed belief e.g. they lack moral fibre.
Do the hard work David -- you are proving Charlie Pierce's characterization of you as a Young Fogey.
Do the hard work David -- you are proving Charlie Pierce's characterization of you as a Young Fogey.
2
He is quickly approaching the status of "Old Fogey."
This has little to do with "toughness" and much more to do with young people not accepting the trenchant inequality and other immoral rules that dominate the America they've grown up in.
What students have demanded over the past couple of years are not calls to "limit" free speech, for example, but rather a call to expose the racism, misogyny, and homophobia couched as an "exchange of ideas". Just as that Univ. of Chicago's dean's calls to have the "freedom to explore a wide range of ideas", so too do these far more perceptive students have the right to strongly stamp down the racism still embedded in this society.
While this Univ of Chicago dean would not permit a whole range of "ideas" being discussed in his classrooms, his letter betrays the wish that topics like racism and misogyny are still "open to discussion", and that students should be required to discuss these as part of the University of Chicago experience.
In truth, I believe the opposite is true, that writers like David Brooks cannot stomach the toughness of today's young adults in aggressively eradicating racism and bigotry in American society.
What students have demanded over the past couple of years are not calls to "limit" free speech, for example, but rather a call to expose the racism, misogyny, and homophobia couched as an "exchange of ideas". Just as that Univ. of Chicago's dean's calls to have the "freedom to explore a wide range of ideas", so too do these far more perceptive students have the right to strongly stamp down the racism still embedded in this society.
While this Univ of Chicago dean would not permit a whole range of "ideas" being discussed in his classrooms, his letter betrays the wish that topics like racism and misogyny are still "open to discussion", and that students should be required to discuss these as part of the University of Chicago experience.
In truth, I believe the opposite is true, that writers like David Brooks cannot stomach the toughness of today's young adults in aggressively eradicating racism and bigotry in American society.
21
Beautiful column, but really, Brooks has been traditionally against much of what I am enchanted within, you know, national benefits for the poor and the powerless like guaranteed jobs, national health care, low cost housing...
Truth is, the very poor are lucky to know that they will have a roof in a year, that their kids will have health care, that their jobs won't go to China. Brooks has done a lot to destroy the enchantment of America, the "we are safe because we all belong to a singular culture that sees us and cares about us" spirit, so these beautiful words are, to me, irrelevant.
Hugh Massengill, Eugene
Truth is, the very poor are lucky to know that they will have a roof in a year, that their kids will have health care, that their jobs won't go to China. Brooks has done a lot to destroy the enchantment of America, the "we are safe because we all belong to a singular culture that sees us and cares about us" spirit, so these beautiful words are, to me, irrelevant.
Hugh Massengill, Eugene
3
Do I have tough friends? You bet. Are they heartless, insensitive fidos? One might think so, but to gain their trust, protection and reliability, may be regarded as a true gift.
They are American Republicans. Hard-working, some struggling, but there is always room for a laugh in the air, and grandparents past 60 think their kids are being suffocated by too much attention.
'When I was young, my mother would tell me to get out of the car when I was acting up and then come back with 'get in now'. 'I was up and about climbing trees at age of five. I did not go to college but joined the Military early and tried for the Marines later. The kids today stay indoors and play video games. We are left shoveling manure at the Horse Fair. I never went to Woodstock because I am not into the drug scene'.
This man is not disenchanted because he is too busy living and enjoys building houses. The most enchanted person I know comes from a working-class background. A brilliant mind, some close calls in the line-of-duty in the humanitarian community, she is 'Alive', passionate and difficult, while high on better education for all people, off to to Haiti because her focus is on global water resources. Vulnerable with a lot of child in her, distant and yet always 'there', she came in from Africa last night, and we are both praying that Hillary Clinton will win.
It takes a bit of everyone to make this world but when we turn into a Mob and respond to a Blob like Trump, I wonder.
They are American Republicans. Hard-working, some struggling, but there is always room for a laugh in the air, and grandparents past 60 think their kids are being suffocated by too much attention.
'When I was young, my mother would tell me to get out of the car when I was acting up and then come back with 'get in now'. 'I was up and about climbing trees at age of five. I did not go to college but joined the Military early and tried for the Marines later. The kids today stay indoors and play video games. We are left shoveling manure at the Horse Fair. I never went to Woodstock because I am not into the drug scene'.
This man is not disenchanted because he is too busy living and enjoys building houses. The most enchanted person I know comes from a working-class background. A brilliant mind, some close calls in the line-of-duty in the humanitarian community, she is 'Alive', passionate and difficult, while high on better education for all people, off to to Haiti because her focus is on global water resources. Vulnerable with a lot of child in her, distant and yet always 'there', she came in from Africa last night, and we are both praying that Hillary Clinton will win.
It takes a bit of everyone to make this world but when we turn into a Mob and respond to a Blob like Trump, I wonder.
1
You know who is tough, Mr. Brooks?
Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton.
You know who wilted like a flower when attacked by Donald Trump?
Jeb Bush.
You know who is a wimp?
Donald Trump, he of the if elected will be the "healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.," I guess, except for those pesky bone spurs that didn't allow him to serve his country, but thankfully allowed him to continue to play tennis and squash. But, he did have the modern toughness to denigrate John McCain for his service.
Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton.
You know who wilted like a flower when attacked by Donald Trump?
Jeb Bush.
You know who is a wimp?
Donald Trump, he of the if elected will be the "healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.," I guess, except for those pesky bone spurs that didn't allow him to serve his country, but thankfully allowed him to continue to play tennis and squash. But, he did have the modern toughness to denigrate John McCain for his service.
31
Today's students may be more accomplished, but often that is not of their own impetus, but rather their parents. The competition for college, and then the job market means that being good is not good enough, so from an early age now, kids are building resumes padded with projects, extra curricular activities, tutoring, all so that they can look accomplished on college applications. Every year recruiting gets harder and harder at the top schools.
My concern as a parent is that I have grown up and am now raising children in an environment that says you are either special or you are nothing. So that emotional fragility comes from both an inward and outward pressures. Parents feed into this and micromanage their children's lives to mitigate these pressures. They also have to contend with the reality of a lot of kids who are just ordinary kids, in a society that no longer seems to have a place for average.
My older stepson is smart, but lazy. His mother is a helicopter mom and his father, my husband, is from the old school. We both feel like coddling him too much does him a disservice. When he goes to college in 3 years, he has to have the discipline to do the work and figure out who he is and what he is about, and the mental toughness to overcome the obstacles and challenges that will undoubtedly come his way without mom and dad intervening.
My concern as a parent is that I have grown up and am now raising children in an environment that says you are either special or you are nothing. So that emotional fragility comes from both an inward and outward pressures. Parents feed into this and micromanage their children's lives to mitigate these pressures. They also have to contend with the reality of a lot of kids who are just ordinary kids, in a society that no longer seems to have a place for average.
My older stepson is smart, but lazy. His mother is a helicopter mom and his father, my husband, is from the old school. We both feel like coddling him too much does him a disservice. When he goes to college in 3 years, he has to have the discipline to do the work and figure out who he is and what he is about, and the mental toughness to overcome the obstacles and challenges that will undoubtedly come his way without mom and dad intervening.
6
This starts out sounding (to me) like simplistic nostalgia (which I have little tolerance for), and I don't agree with all of what Brooks says, but I find the basic message to be thoughtful, hopeful, and wise.
1
Whoa! "'Critical thinking' in modern universities encourages students to be detached and corrosively skeptical"? Let's not throw out Socrates with the bath water. That kind of comment is tantamount to saying that "thinking" itself is perilous. I've been around universities for half a century or so and have found, in general, that critical thinking on the part of students leads to more thoughtful responses and a tendency not to take many truisms at face value. We need more "critical thinking," not less.
6
Thinking is, indeed, perilous. And hard work too. That's why so few people engage in the activity. It also partially explains the appeal of fundamentalist sects and authoritarian leaders -- if (insert the name of your preferred deity or authority figure here) has all the answers, then the individual is relieved of the onus and responsibility of critical thinking -- or any thinking at all. Cogito ergo timeo.
Sir, as a professor of psychology, I recognise a lack of resilience amongst current students and the social/media structures that support it. I would disagree, though, that 'modern psychology', as you put it, speaks of psychological traits/processes in isolation from moral purpose. Current, empirically based psychology and psychotherapy, such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is centred upon values-based living and the importance of taking action towards one's meaningful goals, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings, such as anxiety, unhappiness and anger. A growing number of cognitive-behaviour therapists are using skills such as mindfulness to help people to become 'tough' (in your use of the term) so that they can act resliently in order create a life of meaning for them and the people about whom they love and care. I enjoy reading your columns, and I've often thought that your considered views on society and individuals would benefit from reading about ACT and the social science behind it.
38
Essay worked for me. Teaching 25 years in state universities, yesterday was day one, again. A growing number of students are on their phones tethered to their high school friends, or celebrity updates, or maybe someone in the same room. When confronted they say they are putting the exam dates on their Google calendar, or reading the syllabus online. We try to demonstrate that we profs have found a why and that why is not just our subject matter but the kids in the room.
3
As we approach another anniversary of 9-11-2001, we can reflect on how life has changed since then. Americans have had to absorb the tragedy and crimes of Afghanistan and Iraq, the "War on Terror," and the unending assault by the media stoking fear and doom. Then came 2008, and the meltdown. Then we got a Black POTUS and half the nation needed therapy. Now, Trump sows hatred and divisiveness, hammering wedges into the cracks opened by the GOP long ago. He trolls for votes in black communities and insults all blacks in the process. They're tough, and have been for centuries.
We are dominated as never before by commercialism. Advertisers stoke insecurity: without product X, you're inferior. And many escape into the land of Tweets. As with any topic, philosophizing is dangerous if we don't have all the data or if we actually ignore what we do have.
We are dominated as never before by commercialism. Advertisers stoke insecurity: without product X, you're inferior. And many escape into the land of Tweets. As with any topic, philosophizing is dangerous if we don't have all the data or if we actually ignore what we do have.
6
Brooks misses completely the real strength of today’s youngest generation. The ‘men’ of old that he praises were brittle and often broke under pressure. The best of today’s youth possess a resilience providing far greater strength.
As a review in your Sunday Book Review put it, the best of our young generation have absorbed the wisdom of placing ‘we before me’.
Having seen this generation up close and personal in military hospitals, schools and political campaigns, this child of the sixties is both most impressed and very optimistic.
As a review in your Sunday Book Review put it, the best of our young generation have absorbed the wisdom of placing ‘we before me’.
Having seen this generation up close and personal in military hospitals, schools and political campaigns, this child of the sixties is both most impressed and very optimistic.
4
"As a review in your Sunday Book Review put it, the best of our young generation have absorbed the wisdom of placing ‘we before me’."
No kidding. That's not what my 21 year old cousin attending one of our premier Universities tells me. And it's not what I see with my own eyes.
Perhaps I need to relocate to Scranton.
No kidding. That's not what my 21 year old cousin attending one of our premier Universities tells me. And it's not what I see with my own eyes.
Perhaps I need to relocate to Scranton.
I am often amazed at the genuine kindness and generosity both of wealth and of spirit of the younger generation. As for the older generation, who often are retired and living comfortably, I find many filled with an odd anger at everything and, by comparison, less generous when it comes to putting their hands in their pockets. Who does Brooks talk to for these columns?
8
I agree on the older generation being surprisingly selfish. But by older I mean 70-plus. Many boomers are not retired and cannot retire, unless forced out. And in the elderly, I see bitterness and entitlement, more than anger.
1
Since young people are often misguided, rebellious, and driven by lust, finding a purpose in life during one's youth can be dangerous. Might be better to wait a while, search about, and experiment, without making a strong commitment. Don't want to wind up repudiating your past. There's a reason cults and extremist groups target youth.
2
“The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”--Socrates
And so the older generation has always complained about the weakness and venality of youth and these behaviors of bad manners, disrespect and endless chatter have probably been with us for 50,000 years BEFORE Socrates.
So what is Mr. Brooks REALLY telling us? What I infer is yet another right-wing attack on our university system, but not for its real problems but for the ones conservatives like Mr. Brooks sees: That it's not generating enough "Young Conservatives". Do we really need more Dartmouths and Liberty universities, reactionary bastions?
Princeton recently published a list of the LEAST unfriendly to LGBTQ students and it's a parade of the most reactionary schools in America, with LGBTQ animosity as the canary in the coal mine to intolerance.
http://www.princetonreview.com/college-rankings?rankings=lgbtq-unfriendly
You don't have to be LGBTQ to recognize that THESE institutions are NOT teaching tolerance and an openness to ideas. Are THESE the model schools Mr. Brooks wants the rest to emulate?
And so the older generation has always complained about the weakness and venality of youth and these behaviors of bad manners, disrespect and endless chatter have probably been with us for 50,000 years BEFORE Socrates.
So what is Mr. Brooks REALLY telling us? What I infer is yet another right-wing attack on our university system, but not for its real problems but for the ones conservatives like Mr. Brooks sees: That it's not generating enough "Young Conservatives". Do we really need more Dartmouths and Liberty universities, reactionary bastions?
Princeton recently published a list of the LEAST unfriendly to LGBTQ students and it's a parade of the most reactionary schools in America, with LGBTQ animosity as the canary in the coal mine to intolerance.
http://www.princetonreview.com/college-rankings?rankings=lgbtq-unfriendly
You don't have to be LGBTQ to recognize that THESE institutions are NOT teaching tolerance and an openness to ideas. Are THESE the model schools Mr. Brooks wants the rest to emulate?
4
' Isn't trying to make it in the world, find one's place enough of a cause for most people?' I wonder. The history of the Jews, for example. They were conquered many times but managed to hold on to a faith that put them beyond mere survival, although it did allow many to find their place. As far as making children be one way or another', seems this is key. There might be a significant difference between believing in your children and having a dream for them. While the later might seem presumptuous in might also encourage more helpful parenting. The self esteem mantras put on children by folk from Oprah down might turn out to be the cruelest hoax perpetuated on our young. It is an all too easy out for parenting that does not hold standards. The only good news I can find there is that, finding a way to do evil must suggest that there is a way to do good.
1
"But people who are enchanted are the real tough cookies."
There may be bits of "truth" in this statement--yet I wonder. Looking at some fundamentalists, do we conflate toughness with rigidity? Does too much "enchantment" result in blinders? Does it take being attacked to develop that toughness, no matter the existence of enchantment? Does it take coming back from serious personal adversity to be tough? Does it require testing of faith, losing it, or getting it back? Is toughness a uniform quality, is it situation dependent?
Mr. Brooks has his own fluctuating lenses on the world, coupled with a column deadline. Some of his comments here sound like statements of faith, not the sort of thing so amenable to an equation.
There may be bits of "truth" in this statement--yet I wonder. Looking at some fundamentalists, do we conflate toughness with rigidity? Does too much "enchantment" result in blinders? Does it take being attacked to develop that toughness, no matter the existence of enchantment? Does it take coming back from serious personal adversity to be tough? Does it require testing of faith, losing it, or getting it back? Is toughness a uniform quality, is it situation dependent?
Mr. Brooks has his own fluctuating lenses on the world, coupled with a column deadline. Some of his comments here sound like statements of faith, not the sort of thing so amenable to an equation.
6
I joined the USAF in '67. I became an "inventory management specialist," a supply guy. The morning shift in tech school was sent to Cam Ranh Bay, Vietnam. I was afternoon shift, and we got Da Nang. We all arrived with one stripe (Airmen Third Class) and everybody thought we had been "busted."
The base took a heavy rocket attack on July 14, 1967. We all got detailed to the massive cleanup. Still not knowing what to do with us, they had us build bunkers, pull endless KP, and fill sandbags. It was hot and very humid. They finally gave us assignments in the Supply Squadron, and a couple of us go picked as "augmentees," which meant that we would get weapons training and help out the Security Police if there were threats. And there were, especially after the Têt Offensive of '68. I went out every night, often alone, for almost two months. Generally, we all worked 12-hour shifts 7 days a week with occasional days off to do laundry.
At one point, I suppose I "toughened up." As we faced real difficulty together, we all extended trust and support to each other. We all became "men" to each other and sewed on our second stripe. I gained a new confidence in myself and what I could do. The iron entered the blood and I cared more about what I thought of others than what they thought of me. I even started picking up French.
I then went to college on the GI Bill and worked overseas for most of my adult career.
I didn't just "take a leap of faith" or adopt an ideology.
The base took a heavy rocket attack on July 14, 1967. We all got detailed to the massive cleanup. Still not knowing what to do with us, they had us build bunkers, pull endless KP, and fill sandbags. It was hot and very humid. They finally gave us assignments in the Supply Squadron, and a couple of us go picked as "augmentees," which meant that we would get weapons training and help out the Security Police if there were threats. And there were, especially after the Têt Offensive of '68. I went out every night, often alone, for almost two months. Generally, we all worked 12-hour shifts 7 days a week with occasional days off to do laundry.
At one point, I suppose I "toughened up." As we faced real difficulty together, we all extended trust and support to each other. We all became "men" to each other and sewed on our second stripe. I gained a new confidence in myself and what I could do. The iron entered the blood and I cared more about what I thought of others than what they thought of me. I even started picking up French.
I then went to college on the GI Bill and worked overseas for most of my adult career.
I didn't just "take a leap of faith" or adopt an ideology.
16
Well Al, I would not wish your military experience on anyone. I certainly will not find this acceptable for my son, if the Powers that Be lead us into another war of choice. And my kid at 20 is plenty tough-- he just doesn't need a war or military experience to hone that quality. Glad it worked for you.
Well, Karen, I suppose you feel somehow morally superior. I did not wish this experience on myself, and I'm sure that my mom did not find this acceptable for me. I have no way of knowing how "tough" your kid of 20 is, or in which way. Did he play football? Did he survive a serious illness? Is there one quality of "toughness" that can only be "honed" one way, say, the military? I don't know if my experience "worked for me." It was what I did with it then and after that "worked for me" --- reading good books, thinking things out, meeting people with good minds, working in other countries, becoming a teacher.
What I experienced in Vietnam, and what many young men and women are experiencing in the Middle East is an exception for most of us, but for many people who live there, brutal experiences are the norm, and it toughens them in ways we do not want to even imagine. What I went through was a hard, real-life experience commonly shared with others, and I'm glad I experienced it rather than lived blissfully ignorant of it all. If you can attain a "tough" feeling through more "gentle" and "non-invasive" means, then more power to you. I hope it "works for you." I'm sure you'll have a "nice day."
What I experienced in Vietnam, and what many young men and women are experiencing in the Middle East is an exception for most of us, but for many people who live there, brutal experiences are the norm, and it toughens them in ways we do not want to even imagine. What I went through was a hard, real-life experience commonly shared with others, and I'm glad I experienced it rather than lived blissfully ignorant of it all. If you can attain a "tough" feeling through more "gentle" and "non-invasive" means, then more power to you. I hope it "works for you." I'm sure you'll have a "nice day."
2
Human nature has not changed though particular external circumstances may have. This generation of young folks (are you limiting the discussion to college students because of the University of Chicago's recent action or because they're a cohort with which you more closely identify?) is no different in the most basic and meaningful ways than earlier generations.
Few of us identify our purposes or ultimate ends during our early years and, because of circumstances, fewer still are able to pursue them in dedicated fashion while young. Most have to earn livings first and discover or fine tune their passionate pursuits while doing so. Indeed, even though having lived exemplary, responsible and productive lives, many people feel free to selfishly pursue their passions only after retirement.
There is some merit in this piece but it's more subjective than not and borders on sermonizing.
Few of us identify our purposes or ultimate ends during our early years and, because of circumstances, fewer still are able to pursue them in dedicated fashion while young. Most have to earn livings first and discover or fine tune their passionate pursuits while doing so. Indeed, even though having lived exemplary, responsible and productive lives, many people feel free to selfishly pursue their passions only after retirement.
There is some merit in this piece but it's more subjective than not and borders on sermonizing.
35
I will take the sermon. I believe the best shot anyone has at idealism is when they are young, and the same is true of falling in love or pursuing a passion. If you do not do this while young, what will you have learned for your older years? I think this is one of the best columns David Brooks has written.
Precious snowflakes, run like the wind to your "safe spaces"!!!
The University of Chicago got this one right, would that every academic institution in the nation would follow their lead.
The University of Chicago got this one right, would that every academic institution in the nation would follow their lead.
5
David, just to say, I don't always agree with all that you write or the generalizations you make, but I do appreciate your thought provoking pieces on topics like this one; and the philosophical take you bring to many of the things you write about. You're one of the few voices in major publications tackling these kinds or moral, social questions. Please keep it up. It's really important.
6
Oscar Wilde said, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Mistakes can, in fact, motivate us in school and in life.
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Last week I spoke for a few minutes at a school board meeting, and I blew it. I watched the video, and it was clear that I blew it. But if I see my mistakes, maybe I can get a second chance. I can do back to the school board with a new improved message.
If at first we don't succeed, we can try, try, again...
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Last week I spoke for a few minutes at a school board meeting, and I blew it. I watched the video, and it was clear that I blew it. But if I see my mistakes, maybe I can get a second chance. I can do back to the school board with a new improved message.
If at first we don't succeed, we can try, try, again...
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3
"That rings true to me."
So you wrestled a whole column out of it. To what end?
Another Brooks day, another Brooks way to avoid the necessary and principled endorsement of Hillary that he needs to make. Take my word for it, David. You will survive. Just call on a little of that emotional resilience you're touting.
So you wrestled a whole column out of it. To what end?
Another Brooks day, another Brooks way to avoid the necessary and principled endorsement of Hillary that he needs to make. Take my word for it, David. You will survive. Just call on a little of that emotional resilience you're touting.
6
Wow! David! Thanks for reaching out to us, the unjaded who are still enchanted by challenge. Big purposes can be empowering, but so can the littler ones, such as memorizing a few more measures of a Bach Fugue (where I'm going next) and reading your column which, today, leaves me with the feeling that I am less alone in the world than I thought.
1
I love this article. I believe the current generation of young people have been too protected from the harsh realities of the world. That meaning they are not the center of the universe, and when they are not treated as if they are they melt rather than taking charge to change their outlook. The only issue I find missing from this article is any mention of the role of the media in creating the current situation. In nearby Maryland, a couple raising their kids to be self-sufficient were hassled by the police and social services agency. Raising free range kids is in the best interest of the children's future as they learn how to navigate in the real world, solve problems, and make decisions. Of course, parents need to be vigilant to protect children from real dangers.
3
My son at age 17 took some friends out in our row boat, just beyond the harbor entrance and back. He did not ask permission. He forgot to assign life jackets. One mom has never forgiven him or us. I implored her to reconsider-- after all, he made the mistake here in our home town, we counseled him how to behave next time, it was a learning experience for all. She did not see a mistake as a good and honest part of life and moved away from us. At 20, my son is far more mature than hers. Not saying better, mind you, just more mature, tougher to use David's word.
1
My idea of "tough" is this: the ability to endure and survive hardship.
My father and many of his peers knew hardship in the Great Depression. His family nearly lost their home and had to eat nothing but corn meal mush for days at a time. He nearly died from scarlet fever and his father nearly died from a strep throat because anit-biotics had not been invented. After all that, my Dad and his peers marched off to war against the Nazis and Japanese Imperialists. Dad came back. Many of his peers did not.
That's hardship, and my Dad was tough because of it. I'm not as tough as he was because I had an easier life than him. I never knew poverty. I never knew war. But he did pass on the lessons he learned, giving me a modest degree of toughness.
If young people never know hardship or are never taught the lessons of hardship, then they will never be tough.
My father and many of his peers knew hardship in the Great Depression. His family nearly lost their home and had to eat nothing but corn meal mush for days at a time. He nearly died from scarlet fever and his father nearly died from a strep throat because anit-biotics had not been invented. After all that, my Dad and his peers marched off to war against the Nazis and Japanese Imperialists. Dad came back. Many of his peers did not.
That's hardship, and my Dad was tough because of it. I'm not as tough as he was because I had an easier life than him. I never knew poverty. I never knew war. But he did pass on the lessons he learned, giving me a modest degree of toughness.
If young people never know hardship or are never taught the lessons of hardship, then they will never be tough.
1
There is a new term David, as a teacher there are helicopter parents who hover now, there are bulldozer parents. They are the parents who run interference for their children and remove every obstacle that might cause their off spring difficulty. Psychology notes that one cause of depression is the lack of a feeling of personal achievement. These children and college students have had tutors check their papers (and some write them), SAT tutors, and even private guidance counselors. These kids have had their lives mapped out for them--- could that be the cause of their fragility?
7
This is well-intentioned. However, the supposition that caring for your children makes them weak, " emotionally fragile", is not entirely true. Paradoxically it also makes them more independent. Well cared for kids can go to camp earlier and stay longer, that's not fragility. Although kids today to not have to do hard chores, one should not misunderestimate how competitive life is for many kids these days. There is a lot of more organized sports activity for kids. They are steeped in more competition. For many, school is also harder at a younger age. The better schools take it more seriously and demand more. If you don't think this is tough for kids you don't know much about modern childhood. Though yes, parents today do try to shield their kids and this can also take its toll. Generally, Brooks is on target here.
22
Is school harder? News here yesterday featured doing away with homework. A teacher said he "lectures" for 7-10 minutes & the rest of the class period is spent by students integrating the lesson with group work & doing what was once called homework.
It's interesting that the other day an article in the Times said research showed that youth in a study spent 8 - 10+ hours a day on line. But still there is apparently no time for "homework."
Back in the day in high school - I had eye strain from all the required reading. We read massive books of literature every week and wrote full-on essays on them.
I think the idea of independent, self motivated study is how one learns and that prepares students for college. Many arrive there now with no idea of how to study or structure their time. Professors I know said that in recent years students can't put together a cogent paragraph and can barely formulate an analysis of what they have "studied," much less have an original (!) idea.
But to the topic of the article - I think toughness is about taking responsibility for your own time and learning. It's about prioritizing and self sufficiency. And perhaps awareness of people around you, what they need or want. That may lead to some lofty goal that Mr Brooks thinks is the motivating factor, that would be a good thing.
I laughed when I saw a program on TV about college grads - struggling - to get their "first job." So much for developing "toughness" did someone say at 22 or 25 - entitlement?
It's interesting that the other day an article in the Times said research showed that youth in a study spent 8 - 10+ hours a day on line. But still there is apparently no time for "homework."
Back in the day in high school - I had eye strain from all the required reading. We read massive books of literature every week and wrote full-on essays on them.
I think the idea of independent, self motivated study is how one learns and that prepares students for college. Many arrive there now with no idea of how to study or structure their time. Professors I know said that in recent years students can't put together a cogent paragraph and can barely formulate an analysis of what they have "studied," much less have an original (!) idea.
But to the topic of the article - I think toughness is about taking responsibility for your own time and learning. It's about prioritizing and self sufficiency. And perhaps awareness of people around you, what they need or want. That may lead to some lofty goal that Mr Brooks thinks is the motivating factor, that would be a good thing.
I laughed when I saw a program on TV about college grads - struggling - to get their "first job." So much for developing "toughness" did someone say at 22 or 25 - entitlement?
I agree, so why doesn't our educational system focus at least a part of their efforts on the intrinsic nature of each learner?
1
A truism: when David, or I, or you, talk in generalizations about a generation not our own, we are always wrong. As I have taught the young people entering college over the past 5 years, I've noticed a dawning and strengthening sense of purpose and desire to make better our planet and the human condition.
The kids are OK, David. We've made an absolute mess of things, but they are rolling up their sleeves, grabbing their mops and buckets, and gamely setting about to clean up after us.
I only hope they find a way to forgive us who have gone before and left them this monumental shambles.
The kids are OK, David. We've made an absolute mess of things, but they are rolling up their sleeves, grabbing their mops and buckets, and gamely setting about to clean up after us.
I only hope they find a way to forgive us who have gone before and left them this monumental shambles.
9
I am a boomer. I have not "made an absolute mess of things." I have made the world a better place-- I work hard in school and continue to do so in the working world. I employ people in a business. I volunteered religiously for over 12 years to make my local public schools better; I have been a role model to the low income children who have known me, just by being polite and kind and not littering. My house is lovely and tended, my cupboards full and my kitchen smells good. I cared for my dad when he was ill, and asked that my 9 year old son do so too. My son was expected to be a good citizen in our home, school and now college and in his working life. No mess on my end to apologize for. No begging forgiveness required. Thanks anyhow Lonnie.
2
I love this article: so true, so thoughtful, so David. Thank you. Emotional fragility has more causes, however, than helicopter parenting. I'm speaking from experience here. In my own case, it comes from parental neglect and a temperament vulnerable to intense negative feeling. My friend, Rob Garfield, a psychiatrist, has written an exceptionally good book on real and fake resilience in his book, THE MALE CODE.
1
His lordship has written. Let us now praise the wise GOP shill who has no idea what life has been like for most of us since the 1980s. It's been touch and go for everyone, single, married, partnered, with and without children. We haven't been paid what we're worth. We've been told that we're lucky to have jobs that pay anything. We've seen our jobs, our friends' jobs, just plain jobs, outsourced, eliminated, turned into independent contractor positions. We've watched as our children and our grandchildren have graduated from high school or college unable to find entry level jobs. We've watched as college costs, medical costs, housing costs, in short the cost of living has risen while our salaries have not.
Some parents took to micromanaging their childrens' lives in order to get them through those early years with as few mistakes as possible. Why? Because, in America, we've criminalized many aspects of what used to be childhood and having a criminal record is a problem.
We're fragile when it seems as if no matter what decisions we make they are wrong. We're fragile when we can't make ends meet, lose our dignity, are told that we aren't deserving of help, see people like you make pronouncements about our lives when you know nothing about them, and when we see how little influence we have over things that matter. It's hard to get up every day when you don't have a job or you do but it won't pay the bills. But thanks for wasting space. It was interesting.
Some parents took to micromanaging their childrens' lives in order to get them through those early years with as few mistakes as possible. Why? Because, in America, we've criminalized many aspects of what used to be childhood and having a criminal record is a problem.
We're fragile when it seems as if no matter what decisions we make they are wrong. We're fragile when we can't make ends meet, lose our dignity, are told that we aren't deserving of help, see people like you make pronouncements about our lives when you know nothing about them, and when we see how little influence we have over things that matter. It's hard to get up every day when you don't have a job or you do but it won't pay the bills. But thanks for wasting space. It was interesting.
73
Hen3ry, your comments are more cogent when they don't deteriorate into snarky knee-jerk attacks. It is possible every now and then for a Republican to say something cogent and meaningful, and not everything has to be framed in partisan political terms.
You can do better. I'm disappointed.
You can do better. I'm disappointed.
David,
I've found that it saves me a lot of time if I start reading your opinion piece at the end. Read the last paragraph, and then skim the rest from the bottom up.
How do you square your fragility theme with current social, political, and economic angst of the radical "conservatives"? If you listen to the right wing Trumpettes and fragile Evangelical Christians, the country is in dire straits.
Or are you mostly looking at the privileged people who are doing OK economically, but who are challenging the political and social status quo ante? Coming out of the closet for LGBT rights, for Occupy, for Bernie are at least a glimmer of hope for toughness in the face of "traditional values". Rather feeble attempts at social revolution, I agree, when compared to the '60's anti-war and pro-freedom fervor. Let's get back to a real revolution of the underclass, throw down the oligarchy, and have 10 years of anarchy. Bring back the French, or the American, Revolution to overthrow the oppressive royalty and capitalism. Perhaps not the guillotine, but something less bloody but yet with the same effect of cutting off the head of the 0.01%. Anarchy, true democracy, libertarianism... let's get rid of the entitled guilded aristocracy and the rigged elections and the rigged economy. Tear down those walls. That will take real toughness.
I've found that it saves me a lot of time if I start reading your opinion piece at the end. Read the last paragraph, and then skim the rest from the bottom up.
How do you square your fragility theme with current social, political, and economic angst of the radical "conservatives"? If you listen to the right wing Trumpettes and fragile Evangelical Christians, the country is in dire straits.
Or are you mostly looking at the privileged people who are doing OK economically, but who are challenging the political and social status quo ante? Coming out of the closet for LGBT rights, for Occupy, for Bernie are at least a glimmer of hope for toughness in the face of "traditional values". Rather feeble attempts at social revolution, I agree, when compared to the '60's anti-war and pro-freedom fervor. Let's get back to a real revolution of the underclass, throw down the oligarchy, and have 10 years of anarchy. Bring back the French, or the American, Revolution to overthrow the oppressive royalty and capitalism. Perhaps not the guillotine, but something less bloody but yet with the same effect of cutting off the head of the 0.01%. Anarchy, true democracy, libertarianism... let's get rid of the entitled guilded aristocracy and the rigged elections and the rigged economy. Tear down those walls. That will take real toughness.
113
Gordon, you're correct. I've also found that it defuses my annoyance if I start to read with the idea in mind that Brooks is not writing this because he believes it: he's writing it because he wants to make a point for the GOP or his own retrograde views on what matters to him by using examples that mean nothing in real life.
His writing clearly shows how little he understands what has become of middle and working class America since the 1980s. The Reagan era was not a golden age for anyone but the very rich. The Democrats, in fear of losing, followed some of the more corrosive dictates like cutting the social safety net which hurt everyone who ever needed or will need government assistance to survive. It hasn't been "morning in America" for 95% of us for a long time. I do hope that David finds comfort in knowing that he's a cute plaything to manipulate as far as the GOP is concerned.
His writing clearly shows how little he understands what has become of middle and working class America since the 1980s. The Reagan era was not a golden age for anyone but the very rich. The Democrats, in fear of losing, followed some of the more corrosive dictates like cutting the social safety net which hurt everyone who ever needed or will need government assistance to survive. It hasn't been "morning in America" for 95% of us for a long time. I do hope that David finds comfort in knowing that he's a cute plaything to manipulate as far as the GOP is concerned.
9
Isn't it easy to destroy, to put down, to tear apart? It's so easy that it is the ploy of almost everyone seeking to best others at their game. Too many of my colleagues, senior executives they were, spent far too much time and effort tearing apart others' ideas and hard work -- but it's so much easier than trying to build anything, yes?
So, thanks Gordon, for proving again just how easy it is (and so gratifying taboot, I'm sure you would agree), to ridicule someone else who is attempting to enlighten us, or to provide food for thought about an issue that does affect a good many of us if not now, then in the future. Don't you feel marvelous? Let us all know how good it feels hoisting oneself upon one's own petard.
So, thanks Gordon, for proving again just how easy it is (and so gratifying taboot, I'm sure you would agree), to ridicule someone else who is attempting to enlighten us, or to provide food for thought about an issue that does affect a good many of us if not now, then in the future. Don't you feel marvelous? Let us all know how good it feels hoisting oneself upon one's own petard.
Why is it that the people who advocate anarchy would almost always be the first ones to have their sandwich taken and grow hungry? There is no such thing as a bloodless revolution.
I am skeptical of the concept of some externally induced telos or purpose for one’s life. A passion is something different, as is dedicating one’s life to a passion.
II have known people who wasted years and psychic energy searching for their purpose.
II have known people who wasted years and psychic energy searching for their purpose.
12
The "telos" of the Republican Party during these past 7+ years has been to defeat Obama, no matter the cost or consequences all resulting in the "alt-conservative" psychosis.
The "telos" of youth? to become an adult? When questioned, put on the spot, specific answers may emerge that we may have uttered ourselves at that age. Clumsy or confident, those convictions are subject to change. Nietzche warned “The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.”
" People are really tough only after they have taken a leap of faith for some truth or mission or love." is what we hope is true. Wouldn't it be great if we could "believe"? in what? "Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." (Dali Lama) "‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’" Jesus
When we live in a time in which what is purported to be truth is actually a lie, our humanity is thrown back upon us but many cannot endure it and cling to anyone or anything that complies with our basest inclinations. The reflex is always bad. Anger, distrust, fear, hatred all appear to be reasonable. All is lost?
What we can provide to the disillusioned youth? Hope and our conviction that they can do better, that they have a better way that we cannot see, that we have caused the chaos and they have the solution. Distrust in the nobility of youth is the road to perdition. Trust our children.
The "telos" of youth? to become an adult? When questioned, put on the spot, specific answers may emerge that we may have uttered ourselves at that age. Clumsy or confident, those convictions are subject to change. Nietzche warned “The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.”
" People are really tough only after they have taken a leap of faith for some truth or mission or love." is what we hope is true. Wouldn't it be great if we could "believe"? in what? "Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." (Dali Lama) "‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’" Jesus
When we live in a time in which what is purported to be truth is actually a lie, our humanity is thrown back upon us but many cannot endure it and cling to anyone or anything that complies with our basest inclinations. The reflex is always bad. Anger, distrust, fear, hatred all appear to be reasonable. All is lost?
What we can provide to the disillusioned youth? Hope and our conviction that they can do better, that they have a better way that we cannot see, that we have caused the chaos and they have the solution. Distrust in the nobility of youth is the road to perdition. Trust our children.
7
David Brooks,
This is the second column you've written recently that borrows heavily from the ideas in Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning," without mention of his brilliant book. I strongly suggest you introduce your readers to this epic work, because while you state the case eloquently, Frankl lived it, and his account of how he came to a sense of meaning in life is unforgettable.
This is the second column you've written recently that borrows heavily from the ideas in Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning," without mention of his brilliant book. I strongly suggest you introduce your readers to this epic work, because while you state the case eloquently, Frankl lived it, and his account of how he came to a sense of meaning in life is unforgettable.
20
I believe this is a column for the social elite. Yes the helicopter parents do protect their children from all types of harsh realities. Colleges which were supposed to be melting pots of knowledge and diversity of thought have turned into playgrounds for the wealthy and powerful. The infamous year abroad (to (party) study in Europe has become the norm. While not all the generation is guilty of the fragility of character a great portion of them are emotionally vapid. Also the brilliance of this generation is not quite so rosy as you may think. With information at your fingertips and the ability to sit in a room and get a plethora of data, instruction, review and analysis in a few clicks, its hard to quantify this great genius. The "great" companies today are pure marketing companies or companies that enable marketing. We have no great inovations today and that is troublesome of generation's fragile ego's.
14
There's truth in "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." The "why to live for" is what each of us must discover. College is a giant step in life's journey, it presents early opportunities for people to discover their "why" before they reach midlife and discover they have no "why". If college students are in fact more emotionally fragile than in past years, as alleged in this column, then that fragility is a byproduct of society, the communities, the families in which they grew up...all of which bathed them in their own emotional fragility.
It might be better to reflect on our society's emotional state. Does the rise of Trump not reveal great emotional fragility in our country? Is emotional fragility a result of callous capitalism? Is it a factor of life's threats which are hammered into us daily by media and opportunists? Was emotional resilience beat out of us by a Congress which treats us with contempt?
Brooks says, "If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope." The only mistake in that sentence is the verb "make"; you don't make people find their "why" in life. People must find and choose their "why"-- idealism, tenderness, commitment, whatever makes life meaningful to each of us.
It might be better to reflect on our society's emotional state. Does the rise of Trump not reveal great emotional fragility in our country? Is emotional fragility a result of callous capitalism? Is it a factor of life's threats which are hammered into us daily by media and opportunists? Was emotional resilience beat out of us by a Congress which treats us with contempt?
Brooks says, "If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope." The only mistake in that sentence is the verb "make"; you don't make people find their "why" in life. People must find and choose their "why"-- idealism, tenderness, commitment, whatever makes life meaningful to each of us.
81
Perfect, JABarry. You put my thoughts in words.
It's not 'make them'; it's make yourself.
It's not 'make them'; it's make yourself.
2
For past year been noticing David going off on these emotional topics. Learned recently about his separation and divorce. That can be emotionally tough and it explains David's journey and quest for answers to exploration of common human qualities like toughness and resilience. Plus having college age kids he talks a lot about them. It's natural for authors to bring their autobiographical narrative to topics they discuss, David does it in a way that is clean and respectful.
6
The correct word is character, not toughness. John Lewis, Mother Theresa and my very good father, a graduate of Buchenwald who never lost sight of his faith in G-d or any of his principles, were people of character. There are still quite of them around. But not as many as there were before.
8
No surprise here, we lost our way a long time ago when we turned away from the Enlightenment that inspired our founders and embraced Darwinian capitalism. Time to rediscover Rousseau and his argument that a society based on envy and the power of money, though it might promise progress, would actually impose psychologically debilitating change on its citizens; "...In the midst of so much philosophy, humanity, and civilization, and of such sublime codes of morality, we have nothing to show for ourselves but a frivolous and deceitful appearance, honor without virtue, reason without wisdom, and pleasure without happiness." Our entire society is built around the worship of wealth and fame and those that have it, while paying lip service to character and moral fiber.
24
David should give all his money to the church and live as a poor man. That way he could toughen up and see what it really means to live.
17
Toughness is an attitude, but strength is a virtue.
There is too much emphasis on tough exterior in our culture which has morphed into boistrous bravado (i.e. campaign 2016). Young people need to grow up to be strong - physically, spiritually, and intellectually. And that comes from pursuit of ultimate truths, and having the courage to live life from the inside out, rather than from a tangential plane of soical media, having swagger, and cultural machoism.
There is too much emphasis on tough exterior in our culture which has morphed into boistrous bravado (i.e. campaign 2016). Young people need to grow up to be strong - physically, spiritually, and intellectually. And that comes from pursuit of ultimate truths, and having the courage to live life from the inside out, rather than from a tangential plane of soical media, having swagger, and cultural machoism.
7
I have spent the past 25 years training thousands of educators and counselors on the topic of fostering resilient youth. The question I always ask my adult audiences is this, "Who among us would want to be in middle school in this day and age?"
If young people are now more "emotionally fragile" then this is a result of a mean culture kids now grow up in that includes bullying and teasing via so many channels, I don't think those of us now safely ensconced in adulthood can truly comprehend what is is like to be a teen in today's world. On top of that, there is hyper competition, and the reality of the larger highly critical society that kids must navigate as well. Helicopter parents are the exception; most kids just don't have enough adult support in navigating their confusing and often brutal world. Hundreds of students in high school have confided to me over the years that they feel pushed away by our culture rather than welcomed or valued by it.
Yes, helping kids find purpose in their lives will help. But study after study shows resilience requires far more: Children and youth must feel respected and supported and safe and valued. Research documents that high schools where students excel, for example, provide just this resiliency-building foundation. And the kids that graduate from these schools (which - sadly - are not the majority of schools), have the sense of personal worth and value needed to follow Mr. Brook's advice throw themselves into a cause.
If young people are now more "emotionally fragile" then this is a result of a mean culture kids now grow up in that includes bullying and teasing via so many channels, I don't think those of us now safely ensconced in adulthood can truly comprehend what is is like to be a teen in today's world. On top of that, there is hyper competition, and the reality of the larger highly critical society that kids must navigate as well. Helicopter parents are the exception; most kids just don't have enough adult support in navigating their confusing and often brutal world. Hundreds of students in high school have confided to me over the years that they feel pushed away by our culture rather than welcomed or valued by it.
Yes, helping kids find purpose in their lives will help. But study after study shows resilience requires far more: Children and youth must feel respected and supported and safe and valued. Research documents that high schools where students excel, for example, provide just this resiliency-building foundation. And the kids that graduate from these schools (which - sadly - are not the majority of schools), have the sense of personal worth and value needed to follow Mr. Brook's advice throw themselves into a cause.
158
A lot of pieces, woven loosely together.
True that the criticism of the "emotionally fragile" does take on that defense of harshness, in a past where a lot of children were exposed to terrible conditions which often broke them. The nostalgic comments often sound like envy, washed in a thin coating of concern.
Resilience and ardent, obsessive dedication to a cause beyond oneself are different. If one does pursue an ideal, however, without resilience one won't make it past go, because you need to carry not only your values but assurance of your own competency and value to go off on a mission. And you have to have had experience in making your own decisions, facing the consequences and learning to live with failure as well as success. This starts with parental love, but has to grow to encompass experience with the rest of the community. What may also start with parents is modeling ethical, or moral behavior, consistently, and who support that in their children.
But it does start with a parent - or other parental figure - who believes in the child. It's not about constant pressure to do all the right things, in order to succeed (best classes, best activities, top colleges...) but definitely about providing a mix of love and discipline, connection and choice, for that particular child.
True that the criticism of the "emotionally fragile" does take on that defense of harshness, in a past where a lot of children were exposed to terrible conditions which often broke them. The nostalgic comments often sound like envy, washed in a thin coating of concern.
Resilience and ardent, obsessive dedication to a cause beyond oneself are different. If one does pursue an ideal, however, without resilience one won't make it past go, because you need to carry not only your values but assurance of your own competency and value to go off on a mission. And you have to have had experience in making your own decisions, facing the consequences and learning to live with failure as well as success. This starts with parental love, but has to grow to encompass experience with the rest of the community. What may also start with parents is modeling ethical, or moral behavior, consistently, and who support that in their children.
But it does start with a parent - or other parental figure - who believes in the child. It's not about constant pressure to do all the right things, in order to succeed (best classes, best activities, top colleges...) but definitely about providing a mix of love and discipline, connection and choice, for that particular child.
2
I hope you counsel the kids you meet to begin working around age 12 or so. In a family business, pet sitting, babysitting, actually working at home for an agreed upon price for a particular chore. Then when you are 16, write a resume and get that first job. Do well and then get another. Know that you are already paying into social security. Learn the difference between labor and capitol, menial labor and intellectual pursuits-- and respect both equally. Fall into bed exhausted after a hard shift, and get up the next day to do it all over again. Be responsible. Get praised and criticized, even fired! Learn something every day. I personally adored school, and my son strongly likes it. But just as I learned from work, so has he. He is very different-- in a good way-- than most of the coddled teens and 20-somethings that I see.
2
Far better to forget about one's worth than to depend on having it bolstered by endless psychological strokes. This takes one out of the worthy/worthless paradigm. That is the true birthplace of resilience. And how is this achieved? How does a plant grow? Because that is its nature. And it's ours too so the trick is not to get in the way of that growth.
1
Youth just needs more trigger warnings and safe zones.
5
And you consistently need to add nuance and complexity to your over-simplified and terminally myopic dinosaurian silliness.
2
Brevity is the soul of wit.
Personally, I would rather read an objective, thoughtful, jargon free analysis of how today's students view Donald Trump's fragile fearful personality and how Republicans are overprotective of him.
I want Brooks to be tough, idealistic, and committed to a larger hope for our country to rid ourselves of GOP helicopter parenting their childish candidate Donald Trump.
I want Brooks to be tough, idealistic, and committed to a larger hope for our country to rid ourselves of GOP helicopter parenting their childish candidate Donald Trump.
61
David Brooks has been harder than any columnist at the Times on the racist abomination Trump. You ought to know that. #NeverTrump
1
good luck
1
Brooks has yet to denounce GOP helicopter parenting.
Hillary is the better choice in making modern tough choices.
Hillary is the better choice in making modern tough choices.
2
As is always the case, the generalizations about the present generation are overblown. Perhaps the needle currently leans a bit towards the overly protective helicopter parent and the overly sensitive, easily offended offspring, perhaps not. My generation (early boomer) was very much more on its own, a situation for which there were pluses and minuses. When we got in trouble at school, our parents tended to back up rather than challenge the teacher. Friends in large families (8-15 kids) were often half raising younger siblings; no one thought a thing of an 8 year-old wandering all over town on her bike without adult supervision, though we were cautioned about strangers in the park offering us candy (and luring us "into the bushes").
Was that a better time? Were we more independent or tougher? Are parents today "overprotective" or kids "coddled"? Maybe. Maybe not. It is a different time. I prefer my childhood and how it was handled because it was my time. No matter what we do or how we raise kids, the vast majority will eventually turn out O.K. That's the way it works. It is also the case that most adults of each generation, especially as we get older, tend to see the way we had it (seen, of course, less clearly as the years pass) as far superior to the ways of today's parents and youth. It is not, after all, our time.
Was that a better time? Were we more independent or tougher? Are parents today "overprotective" or kids "coddled"? Maybe. Maybe not. It is a different time. I prefer my childhood and how it was handled because it was my time. No matter what we do or how we raise kids, the vast majority will eventually turn out O.K. That's the way it works. It is also the case that most adults of each generation, especially as we get older, tend to see the way we had it (seen, of course, less clearly as the years pass) as far superior to the ways of today's parents and youth. It is not, after all, our time.
28
Well put. I am 46 years old and have recently heard myself say many times to my children that "The 80s were the last great time in this country". I can go on and on why I feel this to be true but I think this is folly. On a recent visit to see my dad he said "The 50's were the last great time in this country." I couldn't help but chuckle. I think it was Socrates who said couches would ruin the youth of his time. I think The Who had it right when they said, "The kids are alright".
29
The 80's were the last great time in this country? You've got to be kidding.
As a liberal Democrat, I read David Brooks with great interest. I'm interested in finding someone who can articulate a conservative point of view without the utter insanity of what current American "conservatism" has come to mean. I'm fascinated by Mr. Brooks' columns in which he attempts to lay out the case for cultivating one's inner strength and character. Such columns are not overtly partisan or political--although the ideas he puts forth can be viewed in a political context.
I too, like other commenters, am mystified by some of the vitriol that this morning's column has provoked. At a time when it is hard to rise above the absolute cynicism in which we become mired, what is wrong with spending some time imagining becoming more committed and tender and ardent for an ideal? This seems to be a worthwhile suggestion; one that we could each take to heart.
I too, like other commenters, am mystified by some of the vitriol that this morning's column has provoked. At a time when it is hard to rise above the absolute cynicism in which we become mired, what is wrong with spending some time imagining becoming more committed and tender and ardent for an ideal? This seems to be a worthwhile suggestion; one that we could each take to heart.
97
This reminds me of a lesson my mother used to tell me: that to get through the tough teenage years, a young person needs to have their own personal "Dragon to slay". Whether the Dragon be a social cause, or being an excellent band member, chess player, or athlete, her guidance was similar to your points here. Allow, nurture, sponsor a growing person to find a purpose or a mission (e.g., Dragon) to which they can put their heart and soul into. And note, she was always clear that it had to be the child's choice of Dragon, not the parent's.
Thank you again for an inspiring column.
Thank you again for an inspiring column.
9
Having a larger purpose in life and pursuing passions and interests can go a long way toward cushioning the blow of life's disappointments. However, lacking this does not cause emotional fragility. Emotional fragility is the reaction to parents who are so keen to help a child succeed that they leave the child with the impression that failure is not only not an option, but something to be avoided at all costs. And of course, when one cannot fail, they cannot take risks, and are condemned to a passionless life, because in passion lies disappointment. The interesting thing is whether the children of the helicopter-parents generation will double down on their parents mediation of their own children, or whether they will revert to the ethos of their grandparents and will them "go outside and play".
5
I'm working with "millenns" for the first time, finding it fascinating, educational, and rewarding--for me, at least. They are so, so much more tuned into the bigger world than I was at that age. The article was helpful in providing insight on this generation's vulnerabilities and insecurities, and motivates me to help younger people find & pursue their passion and direction.
2
Your right David. Most of the prior generations numbed themselves, ostensibly to self-medicate the hurts imposed on them by "well-meaning" meanness. I played linebacker in high school football where the male spectators on the sidelines - numbing themselves with cigar smoke and flasks of liquor, would ardently shout "Kill 'em." I literally knocked myself out (several times) and broke my back trying to live up to their ideals of toughness. Today, I can walk, but not without a struggle. Not complaining, but if I had a choice to do it all over again I would have read more, joined the cross-country running club and would have stayed way away from older men who seemed to derive their telos by watching my body and mind being torn up.
13
If I were a young woman today, I would be a basket case if I had to think of how much my college education has me in debt, how difficult the job situation is, how my friends want me to move out of my parents house and live where I please although I can't afford it, where the low paying job I am temporarily working treats me as if I were an object and not a human being.
And now Mr. Brooks wants me to have a cause, a reason to live for, to center my life on. Isn't trying to make it in the world, find one's place enough of a cause for most people?
And now Mr. Brooks wants me to have a cause, a reason to live for, to center my life on. Isn't trying to make it in the world, find one's place enough of a cause for most people?
357
I think David is forgetting his common focus on a life being driven by strong values and talking about purpose instead. Its largely a semantic difference. You do have to "make it in the world," but your values and goals determine whether you merely survive or thrive. Merely surviving associates with you and your loved ones, thriving associates with participation in community and social progress, in Brook's perspective, that is, if my years of reading him are accurate.
8
Curious why you'd think Mr. Brooks wants anything from you. Perhaps it's best that Mr. Brooks be seen as a book that falls off the shelf just as you pass by, you pick it up and you gain insight. The book might just as well have landed in a janitor's trash can as he rolls by. I am experiencing younger attitudes that reject the idea that anybody might have any advice worth giving. Should anybody just stop the world, step back and observe once a month, there may be a lesson that comes from nobody's mouth.
1
Not a bad argument, until you present your culprits for this contemporary moral lassitude as "modern psychology," "the ethos of the modern university," and "modern meritocracy."
For you skip out the most important cause: the bottomless greed and empty materialism of late capitalist social norms. How you missed that one in the face of current events I don't know.
But I'll take an over-abundance of university-educated skepticism over greedy, brutish, self-satisfied ignorance any day of the week.
For you skip out the most important cause: the bottomless greed and empty materialism of late capitalist social norms. How you missed that one in the face of current events I don't know.
But I'll take an over-abundance of university-educated skepticism over greedy, brutish, self-satisfied ignorance any day of the week.
86
Forget 'critical thinking'. That concept was taken off the menu decades ago.
I'de be happy to occasionally encounter a kindred soul who thinks at all.
I can't understand how we got to a place where half the citizenry has seemingly lost the frontal cortex.
I'de be happy to occasionally encounter a kindred soul who thinks at all.
I can't understand how we got to a place where half the citizenry has seemingly lost the frontal cortex.
22
I have no idea what this column means. "More accomplished...but more fragile." Accomplished at what? Are they more accomplished at law, medicine, politics or business? If so how, and in what way? Our Executive branch (except for Obama, the legislative and the judicial branch are mired in some kind of sick death spiral where each is determined not to do anything to repair our infrastructure (lead in water, crumbling highways and bridges), repair our communities (execution of blacks by cops and vice-versa), and get private for-profit companies out of our schools, prisons and drug treatment centers. A low level salesman for a useless drug make five times as much as a teacher.. Our criminal congressmen made sure that US citizens are paying 3-10 times more for drugs then our European allies. Our political discourse is so far in then gutter that it has reached the bottom of the sewer. A crazy man is a major party candidate, could win the election and destroy the world. Congress can't even get togethet to work on Zika without insisting we defund planned parenthood. Which is the clinics that most Zika infected patients show up. Rubio says he hates the Senate but wants another term.
Of course these students are emotionally fragile. They are growing up in a world populated by insane. lying, uncaring, stupid, hateful public figures. Of course they are insecure. Trump and Putin are bedfellows. The world has gone insane. They see no future.
Of course these students are emotionally fragile. They are growing up in a world populated by insane. lying, uncaring, stupid, hateful public figures. Of course they are insecure. Trump and Putin are bedfellows. The world has gone insane. They see no future.
183
The " . . . fervent commitment to some cause," has best manifested itself in the seeking of wealth by our money-hungry, deteriorating Congress and most of its leaders.
Trump has offered his legions an unattainable "telos." It is extremely difficult to be "enchanted." Unfortunately.
Trump has offered his legions an unattainable "telos." It is extremely difficult to be "enchanted." Unfortunately.
1
Brittle. Brassy. More B words to describe a woman. Stone like, the characteristic you ascribe to man who deny their emotions, is a neutral term: a stone has no linguistic resonance in the colloquial world, whereas "brittle" and "brassy" are laden with judgment. You can just picture that chain-smoking, gravely voiced broad behind the bar pouring your drink, talking back like a trucker. And add to that she has a bad dye job and too much make up.
David, I know that in your university and pundit world, you labor hard to avoid disparaging any class of person, but every once in awhile, you trip and fall over a word in describing women. Think hard before you apply adjectives. They can be little sexist time bombs.
David, I know that in your university and pundit world, you labor hard to avoid disparaging any class of person, but every once in awhile, you trip and fall over a word in describing women. Think hard before you apply adjectives. They can be little sexist time bombs.
20
Good catch!
But, students today are being taught to be nicer than those of the past. That is a good thing. We want people to respect each other. That is why, at the school level, bullying has been redefined to include verbal teasing.
6
Sometimes toughness means being well protected by others. Maybe this sounds like softie talk, but it is most true in the most challenging situations.
A supportive family, a well-managed professional team, a military unit: all revolve around MUTUAL protection, not individual strength.
Most great accomplishments are team efforts, and most great failures come from the team as well.
A supportive family, a well-managed professional team, a military unit: all revolve around MUTUAL protection, not individual strength.
Most great accomplishments are team efforts, and most great failures come from the team as well.
4
As a professor of law at Emory, I teach courses involving discussiins of sexual abuse, hate crimes, rape, child abuse and domestic violence. Thank you for defending this generation of students, many of whom show extraordinary tougness and grit in getting to law school in the first place. I am not pandering or encroaching on free speech when i give "trigger warnings" that allow survivors of these experiences to brace themselves for a discussion they may find traumatic. I am thankful for their courage and grateful for all they contribute to our duscussions.
6
Make sure you stay with them after Law School because when they hit the real world your snowflakes are in for the trauma of their lives.
1
Overprotectiveness is something very real, and it robs children of learning how to solve their own problems. It's a short term solution -- the challenge facing the child is resolved, because the parent steps in and resolves it -- but it's a long term failure because the child has not learned how to solve problems in the process. Worse, the child has learned that being helpless is the wisest approach because in that case, it was, acting helpless and letting the more capable and accomplished parent step in solved the problem more effectively than the child could. This strategy stops working after the child has grown up and is expected to solve problems alone.
The rest of this is pure nonsense. Yes, having a focus and a goal can sharpen efforts but if you've learned that others will step in and solve all your problems then you're not likely to develop goals, since your main goal will be "get others to help me".
"If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic" is just more helicopter parenting. "Making" children be one way or the other is the whole problem. If you want people to be tough, step back and let them learn that they can be, by facing and solving their own challenges.
The rest of this is pure nonsense. Yes, having a focus and a goal can sharpen efforts but if you've learned that others will step in and solve all your problems then you're not likely to develop goals, since your main goal will be "get others to help me".
"If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic" is just more helicopter parenting. "Making" children be one way or the other is the whole problem. If you want people to be tough, step back and let them learn that they can be, by facing and solving their own challenges.
181
Helicopter parenting may be a problem but our country has become a much more complicated place where many companies feel it's ok to cheat people out of their money. Parents are need for protection b/c there are many aggressive actors so willing to inflate risks.
Why do we need to have a near cabinet level Consumer Financial Protection Bureau to protect citizens from companies that are all too willing to empty your children's wallet or direct them to inappropriate choices?
Capitalism has run roughshod over people's moral and ethical convictions and protections have been taken away such that we are all potential victims. We shouldn't need a CFPB but even parents need a helicopter parent in the face of overly greedy companies who pray on the unknowing.
Why do we need to have a near cabinet level Consumer Financial Protection Bureau to protect citizens from companies that are all too willing to empty your children's wallet or direct them to inappropriate choices?
Capitalism has run roughshod over people's moral and ethical convictions and protections have been taken away such that we are all potential victims. We shouldn't need a CFPB but even parents need a helicopter parent in the face of overly greedy companies who pray on the unknowing.
5
People take the true measure of themselves when they look with clear eyes at a decision or a future that they must mold with their own agency. If that is withheld from their development, they can certainly thrive; but they will hit a false floor or wall, unsure of what lies beyond or behind it that they will eventually need to conquer.
We have all witnessed people in our lives whom we believe were somehow "protected" or "given an easy road", and we generally say it in a form of ironic envy. Nobody chooses the difficult path, and those trials may prove irrelevant; but children grow into adults and their eventual decisions will be formed by the way their character's "muscles" have been conditioned.
The good news is that it is never too late to develop these skills of character. However, we overrule our risk-taking urges as we age and prefer to place distance between us and that form of decision-making.
Most of my friends who battle grave disease attribute their "courage" to the fact that they had no other choice. It was battle onward or collapse. We give our children the greatest gift when we back away and let them find that strength, in small ways, when they are unaware that we are watching just beyond the point of conquest over fear.
I have no doubt that this is all part of a cycle of righting opportunity and that new and malleable character is being shaped into a resiliency that will allow someone to rise.
We have all witnessed people in our lives whom we believe were somehow "protected" or "given an easy road", and we generally say it in a form of ironic envy. Nobody chooses the difficult path, and those trials may prove irrelevant; but children grow into adults and their eventual decisions will be formed by the way their character's "muscles" have been conditioned.
The good news is that it is never too late to develop these skills of character. However, we overrule our risk-taking urges as we age and prefer to place distance between us and that form of decision-making.
Most of my friends who battle grave disease attribute their "courage" to the fact that they had no other choice. It was battle onward or collapse. We give our children the greatest gift when we back away and let them find that strength, in small ways, when they are unaware that we are watching just beyond the point of conquest over fear.
I have no doubt that this is all part of a cycle of righting opportunity and that new and malleable character is being shaped into a resiliency that will allow someone to rise.
3
Grit and toughness are things that are learned, and most things learned by offspring are learned best when they see character traits modeled by their parents and see those traits in action - like when their parents protest and clamor for drug company CEOs to quit gouging, or when kids can look on to the Obamas and see how to raise kids and purposefully go about their jobs whilst on a world stage, or when their parents relentlessly vote Democratic and eventually turn the tide on know-nothing GOP'er obstructionists. :)
26
A further thought; Brooks seriously underestimates the grit, toughness, and resiliency of kids growing up today in a gun-happy society, and kids going to college in the age of campus carry.
Does Brooks think he has grit/is tough and resilient; how did he acquire such traits, and why would kids today, spending their days in this environment, not also have grit, toughness and resiliency ?
Just sayin' -
Does Brooks think he has grit/is tough and resilient; how did he acquire such traits, and why would kids today, spending their days in this environment, not also have grit, toughness and resiliency ?
Just sayin' -
1
"In this way of thinking, grit, resilience and toughness are not traits that people possess intrinsically. They are not tools you can possess independently for the sake of themselves. They are means inspired by an end."
Or, as I believe, they develop as a result of some challenge, cause, passion or difficulty. It sounds, David Brooks, as if you see grit and resilience as isolated tools in our psyche waiting to be unleashed.
I believe instead that people develop these traits of character because of the challenge, not despite the challenge. Talk to any kid in college who had some great pain, tragedy, or difficulty in youth and they are likely to be wise beyond their years.
Talk to any adult who has lived a life in community, and for community, not as a one-sided pursuit of personal gain, and you'll likely find resilience they attribute their resilience to overcoming they never knew they could do.
In my experience, I never knew what I had in me until I was forced to bring it out.
Or, as I believe, they develop as a result of some challenge, cause, passion or difficulty. It sounds, David Brooks, as if you see grit and resilience as isolated tools in our psyche waiting to be unleashed.
I believe instead that people develop these traits of character because of the challenge, not despite the challenge. Talk to any kid in college who had some great pain, tragedy, or difficulty in youth and they are likely to be wise beyond their years.
Talk to any adult who has lived a life in community, and for community, not as a one-sided pursuit of personal gain, and you'll likely find resilience they attribute their resilience to overcoming they never knew they could do.
In my experience, I never knew what I had in me until I was forced to bring it out.
39
Amen.
When getting a degree to earn more money to buy more stuff is the "telos" of so many students, the universities that teach "critical thinking" can lead the "Excellent Sheep" accepted into their hallowed halls to realize that there might be more to life than getting lots of "stuff". Those students, when forced to examine their motives can either become "detached and corrosively skeptical" or they can find a better "why to live for". The students who never engage in critical thinking, on the other hand, become the CEOs who jack up the price of epi-pens to improve the bottom line for shareholders.
47
I appreciate the reference to purpose, "telos." The notion is a critical one and gets lost in a society which has lost the connection to important cultural traditions including religion, classical philosophy and literature. Rather, we tend to "make up" traditions on the fly. Often, these practices have little depth and certainly no vocabulary for expressing deeper meanings. There are, for instance, many fine writers today but one, arguably, would be hard-pressed to name one who compares with Sophocles. (That judgment, of course, will be different as people look back in 100 years). And non-traditional, experimental spirituality (what was once generally called new-age) necessarily lacks the critical refinement of the traditional "great" religions. Innovation and exploration are marks of growth certainly, but they are given depth by an appreciation of important, and grounding traditions.
2
David, the ever-recurring deadline is surely the curse of the columnist. The danger of too many columns, too much tv and other activities leads to a low thought-per-column ratio. With a well-defined telos we could all be as tough as terrorists or as the people who are tough enough to degrade our environment because they are committed to getting richer at any cost. No, what is needed is maybe less ardent commitment and more careful and deliberate thought about what is best for everyone.
67
I'm skeptical of articles that like to define an entire generation one way as a means of pushing an agenda. It's quite possible to be interested in social justice--and carry a huge class-load, get good grades, and work part time. Concern for others--even if it is partly expressed in ways we codgers may see as silly--is not a weakness of character.
You want more civic virtue--virtue also in the old Roman sense of the word--promote it, make it something to be honored.
You want more civic virtue--virtue also in the old Roman sense of the word--promote it, make it something to be honored.
13
What David fails to understand is that this young generation of college goers are the ones who have seen their parents lose well paying jobs to lay offs and cutbacks. This generation is the one still living with their parents, those who have finished college are the ones saddled with student debts (unless they are lucky enough to be trust fund kids, but lucky or not is debatable too). In many cases their parents themselves are living with their parents which means multigenerational living. Surely there is more benefit mutually for interactions between generations to blossom. This is how it's supposed to be, to care for each other, keep an eye on grandma grandpa, grandchildren. Surely babysitting costs, elderly care costs are all kept in check because of this kind of forced living arrangement?
2
How to create an emotionally resilient, "tough" human being?
That the question is asked in the first place is a bad sign, a sign of weakness, which is to say humans of all the creatures are the only ones which ask how they can be made more tough, not to mention the only ones to settle on the common notion of having "purpose in life by which one can endure setbacks and even life itself".
It seems humans are disrupted by consciousness from having an instinctual life like animals, but to endure they need a higher form of instinct, labelled "purpose" or "direction" or "meaning in life". This of course with varying degree of success they give to themselves although of course they could be operating more instinctively than they think. Certainly when we praise a person for having purpose and being emotionally resilient, tough, we are in a sense being ironic because we are on one hand celebrating the independence of a person but on the other the person has succeeded in fundamental degree because we have valued the person...
If you really want to find something or someone emotionally resilient, tough, today, you look where everyone despises a person or a thing, such as at the cockroach or pedophile enduring in prison--that which endures yet has no chance at all of being praised. When society values emotional resilience, toughness it means it wants what it values, protects already, to just be stronger...Hard to find anyone or anything of strange value enduring in this world.
That the question is asked in the first place is a bad sign, a sign of weakness, which is to say humans of all the creatures are the only ones which ask how they can be made more tough, not to mention the only ones to settle on the common notion of having "purpose in life by which one can endure setbacks and even life itself".
It seems humans are disrupted by consciousness from having an instinctual life like animals, but to endure they need a higher form of instinct, labelled "purpose" or "direction" or "meaning in life". This of course with varying degree of success they give to themselves although of course they could be operating more instinctively than they think. Certainly when we praise a person for having purpose and being emotionally resilient, tough, we are in a sense being ironic because we are on one hand celebrating the independence of a person but on the other the person has succeeded in fundamental degree because we have valued the person...
If you really want to find something or someone emotionally resilient, tough, today, you look where everyone despises a person or a thing, such as at the cockroach or pedophile enduring in prison--that which endures yet has no chance at all of being praised. When society values emotional resilience, toughness it means it wants what it values, protects already, to just be stronger...Hard to find anyone or anything of strange value enduring in this world.
1
Fascinating debate about whether Mr. Brooks is being political, but what if he's a little wrong? He may have been a political columnist, but I was once a lawyer. I am in recovery, but it's affected my thinking... I'm not sure kids are emotionally fragile, but rather, I wonder if we have elevated litigiousness to a point where we have taught that every wrong, even an emotional wrong, deserves a remedy, and that the "hurt" is often exaggerated in order to draw forth apologies and punishment. Righteous indignation, pain and victimization are good passive and aggressive tools. Maybe these young people are more cynical and manipulative than Mr. Brooks thinks, and a lot less tender.
17
My experience is that top quality liberal arts colleges too often turn students into cynics rather than skeptics. Much worse.
3
Toughness is something one learns when confronted with tough situations.
That is why losing a parent while being a child, extreme economic bad situations or cancer make you tough. There is no room for fragility and nobody can teach toughness.
Yes, it does help to keep up with enthusiasm and "enchantment".
That is why losing a parent while being a child, extreme economic bad situations or cancer make you tough. There is no room for fragility and nobody can teach toughness.
Yes, it does help to keep up with enthusiasm and "enchantment".
4
"We live in an age when it's considered sophisticated to be disenchanted. But people who are enchanted are the real tough cookies." Mr. Brooks, please read up on the Clinton Foundation. I think that you will find that you have, yet again, endorsed Hillary Clinton without ever mentioning her name.
13
In terms of toughness, no finer example of the lack of it is David Brooks - and, he should be the last to lecture on it.
In the midst of a Democratic campaign that features a candidate that is carrying luggage comprised of a combination of corruption and ineptitude, aided and abetted by the NY Times, Mr. Brooks has consistently taken the easy way out of the situation.
In the movie The Big Short, the evident scam that is being perpetrated is brought to a journalist who works for the Wall Street Journal - and to his shame, he refuses to write about it, out of a lack of moral fiber.
If Mr. Brooks wishes to walk the talk and to be a shining example to journalists in the coming years - he can take a stand. He will be held as an example of someone who, in the face of his herd-like colleagues, in the face of his bosses, in the face of Hollywood and the economic elite, took a stand. And said: "Enough."
Or he can write about toughness, as if it is some abstract idea to which a person pays homage. Living it is what counts.
Time is running out on Mr. Brooks SHOWING that he is tough.
In the midst of a Democratic campaign that features a candidate that is carrying luggage comprised of a combination of corruption and ineptitude, aided and abetted by the NY Times, Mr. Brooks has consistently taken the easy way out of the situation.
In the movie The Big Short, the evident scam that is being perpetrated is brought to a journalist who works for the Wall Street Journal - and to his shame, he refuses to write about it, out of a lack of moral fiber.
If Mr. Brooks wishes to walk the talk and to be a shining example to journalists in the coming years - he can take a stand. He will be held as an example of someone who, in the face of his herd-like colleagues, in the face of his bosses, in the face of Hollywood and the economic elite, took a stand. And said: "Enough."
Or he can write about toughness, as if it is some abstract idea to which a person pays homage. Living it is what counts.
Time is running out on Mr. Brooks SHOWING that he is tough.
10
..."midst of a Democratic campaign..."
Do you mean democratic campaign?
Perhaps Republican campaign?
Do you mean democratic campaign?
Perhaps Republican campaign?
David Brooks has been toughness personified in taking on the idiot buffoon and racist lout Trump.
You must not have been paying attention.
You must not have been paying attention.
1
The world they are inheriting is brutal. May they buttress themselves with all the affirmation they need. Once they are responsible for their lives and work, they are an amazing generation of ingenuity and craft. They are entrepreneurial in ways mine (X) was not. Do they annoy the snot out of me when some display inevitable entitlement? Yep. Their parents (my peers) and don't a bad job. But once the kids have been on their own a while they're forging their own paths. Good on them. Like every generation before them, they will figure it out for themselves. Just don't expect any loyalty from them... Research shows they don't have much. (And why should they in a work environment of corporations that tend to eat people alive and spit them out when they've gotten the good years).
4
When David writes one of these pontification pieces it is "rhetorical jazz". He piles a series of undefined words and general statements on top of one another, so that when he finishes, he has a pile of subjective presumptions. What do the following "riffs" mean, "status code of modern meritocracy", "emotional fragility seems like a psychological problem, but it has only a philosophical answer ". For Nietzsche's "why and how" quote there is his contradictory "If you believed more in life you would fling yourself less into the moment". Allegedly creating toughness by "idealism, tenderness, and commitment"seems like a paradox and recipe for disillusionment.David's pontifications are limited by their murky subjectivity, which in the final analysis may be their ultimate appeal.
11
Mr. Brooks, who's been enchanted with 'conservatism' since William F. Buckley apprenticed him on the libertarian merits of a 'conservative' worldview decades ago, raises fair points, with one giant exception.
There is no 'conservative' political party in America today, unless you want to count today's Democratic Party, which roughly approximates the moderate Republican Party of decades ago.
Today's Republican Party - as demonstrated handsomely by the Bush-Cheney Neo-Con-Artists, the Grover Norquist Nihilists, the Sarah Palin Ignorance Caucus, the Christ Is King End Times Fundamentalists and the Trumpian White Wonder Bread Crowd - is America's national insane asylum where the unhinged are comforted daily by the soothing melodies of Fake News, hate radio and religious spite.
As Mr. Buckley himself said, "Conservatives pride themselves on resisting change, which is as it should be. But intelligent deference to tradition and stability can evolve into intellectual sloth and moral fanaticism, as when conservatives simply decline to look up from dogma because the effort to raise their heads and reconsider is too great."
So when Condi Rice was booed off the Rutgers speaking schedule in 2014, the students were simply booing America's worst foreign policy catastrophe and conservative intellectual sloth, moral depravity and economic bankruptcy off the stage.
All in all, a civilized, lovely gesture by the Rutgers citizenry to call out the dogmatic right for crimes against humanity.
There is no 'conservative' political party in America today, unless you want to count today's Democratic Party, which roughly approximates the moderate Republican Party of decades ago.
Today's Republican Party - as demonstrated handsomely by the Bush-Cheney Neo-Con-Artists, the Grover Norquist Nihilists, the Sarah Palin Ignorance Caucus, the Christ Is King End Times Fundamentalists and the Trumpian White Wonder Bread Crowd - is America's national insane asylum where the unhinged are comforted daily by the soothing melodies of Fake News, hate radio and religious spite.
As Mr. Buckley himself said, "Conservatives pride themselves on resisting change, which is as it should be. But intelligent deference to tradition and stability can evolve into intellectual sloth and moral fanaticism, as when conservatives simply decline to look up from dogma because the effort to raise their heads and reconsider is too great."
So when Condi Rice was booed off the Rutgers speaking schedule in 2014, the students were simply booing America's worst foreign policy catastrophe and conservative intellectual sloth, moral depravity and economic bankruptcy off the stage.
All in all, a civilized, lovely gesture by the Rutgers citizenry to call out the dogmatic right for crimes against humanity.
416
I agree with much of what you said but do not believe booing Condition Rice or any other person off the stage is the answer. We should be able to listen to all viewpoints and express disapproval without shutting a speaker down. Martin Luther King had it right with passive resistance. It speaks much louder than angry protest.
3
It would have been better for the Rutgers students to demand to talk to and question Condi Rice than not to allow her to speak. Not having heard from her for years, for all I know, she has had second thoughts and regrets some of her decisions while in office. If she had chosen not to come to campus rather than engage her critics in a thoughtful, freewheeling discussion, then it would have been she who was shutting down free speech.
I was out in the streets protesting the Iraq invasion months before it began and I never stopped hating the policies of the Bush administration in that area, but I would always be interested in hearing how those who put those destructive, failed policies in place made the decisions they did and I am just as interested to know about how they feel about their decisions now.
I was out in the streets protesting the Iraq invasion months before it began and I never stopped hating the policies of the Bush administration in that area, but I would always be interested in hearing how those who put those destructive, failed policies in place made the decisions they did and I am just as interested to know about how they feel about their decisions now.
4
Nietzsche also wrote that decadence -- whether individual or collective -- is when you are doing more things that make you weaker than you are doing things that make you stronger. With that in mind: Are we becoming weaker or stronger? If the recent and current political climate of impotence and do-nothing congressional sessions is any indication the answer seems clear.
He also wrote that morality is about doing more of what makes you stronger (not just meaner or more aggressive or greedier) than what makes you weaker. His rationale? The former is life affirming, the latter is not.
So there. Looks like old man N isn't dead yet.
He also wrote that morality is about doing more of what makes you stronger (not just meaner or more aggressive or greedier) than what makes you weaker. His rationale? The former is life affirming, the latter is not.
So there. Looks like old man N isn't dead yet.
4
Nietzsche should be dead & buried - unless one believes that Tolerance & Forebearance are decedant and that Might makes Right, albeit wrapped up in the window--dressing of singular self-improvement = benefit of all.
3
Many of these comments made me wonder if we were reading the same essay. Mr. Brooks made some excellent points here. Not everything is political, fellow readers.
18
It's tricky to generalize about generations, but I'm wondering if the Great World Wars and the Great Depression made parents tougher -- and their children. The parents certainly knew the rigors of life and the uncertainty of it. My recollection is parents who were involved in the lives of their children, but only to a point. There was a tough-it-out and figure-it-out mentality to child rearing. Not saying there was a unique toughness to the baby-boomer generation, but there certainly was less of the parenting that goes on today and more kids figuring out their own friendships, rules and borders, with more face-to-face interaction and more scrapes and bruises and peer justice. And certainly less planning and prodding by parents and less formalized, institutionalized recreation. Don't know if it was laziness or wisdom, but war-generation parents seemed less inclined to program, intervene, worry and perhaps just let stuff happen, which just might be pretty good toughness training. But, no, we don't need another world war.
8
Pat Knapp I also had that depression/war generation parentage. They were robbed of 5+ yrs of their lives at late adolescence - no guys for the women at home and no leave for the boys in the Pacific who dealt with horrific conditions and lasting diseases. So they emerged socially challenged. They fell into proscribed social roles. The LGBT freedom that was a gift of the war was pushed underground. Women had their jobs stolen for returning GI´s. So its not strange that my late boomer generation wanted to do everything opposite of our parents. Society can thank us for ending the Mad Men world that was malicious to women, gays, minorities and also straight white men who may have preferred different roles.
Every person/generation/era has challenges and we can be smart & strong in facing them. Its a choice, but fear is the enemy.
Every person/generation/era has challenges and we can be smart & strong in facing them. Its a choice, but fear is the enemy.
I see no more insecurity that we felt. Instead, I see acknowledgement of one's feelings, admission of insecurity, mutual support.
I see them healthier than we were, when drinking and denial were the most common cures to the same insecurities.
Of course, modern students have more to be insecure about. Their lives will be insecure, and they know it. They won't have good, secure jobs. They won't be able to marry, have a family, buy a home. They'll be on the economic margins for years, if they ever escape at all. They are not stupid, they know that.
Brooks suggests fervent commitment to some cause. He seems to think the acceptable causes are his own causes.
Most of us never had a fervent commitment to Brooks' causes. He's an outlier in his causes. He makes his living from being an outlier. Kids today don't have a commitment to Brooks' causes, but neither did we.
Kids today have anxiety BECAUSE they have goals and know those are deeply threatened by current trends. Their anxiety is real, for real reasons. The cure is to fix our economy to provide a decent life for our kids, not to tell them to suck it up and be brave.
I see them healthier than we were, when drinking and denial were the most common cures to the same insecurities.
Of course, modern students have more to be insecure about. Their lives will be insecure, and they know it. They won't have good, secure jobs. They won't be able to marry, have a family, buy a home. They'll be on the economic margins for years, if they ever escape at all. They are not stupid, they know that.
Brooks suggests fervent commitment to some cause. He seems to think the acceptable causes are his own causes.
Most of us never had a fervent commitment to Brooks' causes. He's an outlier in his causes. He makes his living from being an outlier. Kids today don't have a commitment to Brooks' causes, but neither did we.
Kids today have anxiety BECAUSE they have goals and know those are deeply threatened by current trends. Their anxiety is real, for real reasons. The cure is to fix our economy to provide a decent life for our kids, not to tell them to suck it up and be brave.
172
My own experience tells me that today's college students are much less emotionally fragile than those in the past. My first semester teaching freshmen at The School of Visual Arts in Manhattan was in the fall of 1979 and my last semester there was in the fall of 2012.
The 18-year-olds of 2012 were tougher in nearly every way than the 18-year-olds of 1979. Back then, I had to spend the first few weeks just calming down the students for our 9 a.m. classes because most of them were traumatized from their first rush-hour commutes from the suburbs into the city. Thirty-three years later, the students often had been living on their own, many had endured the hardships of immigration from another country and learning a new language and a new culture, and even the native-born suburban kids had been exposed to so much more that they, too, took things in stride. The 2012 students were much more open to new and "weird" ideas and did not need to be as coddled and treated with gentleness as the 1979 students. They may not have had playground fights -- I doubt many of the students of the past did, either -- but social media fights that they endured may have been even more character-building and may have taught them more about how to function in an adult world.
Emotionally fragile? Today's young people? As a 65-year-old, I only wish that my peers and I had had their smarts, their resilience, their knowledge of how the world works.
The 18-year-olds of 2012 were tougher in nearly every way than the 18-year-olds of 1979. Back then, I had to spend the first few weeks just calming down the students for our 9 a.m. classes because most of them were traumatized from their first rush-hour commutes from the suburbs into the city. Thirty-three years later, the students often had been living on their own, many had endured the hardships of immigration from another country and learning a new language and a new culture, and even the native-born suburban kids had been exposed to so much more that they, too, took things in stride. The 2012 students were much more open to new and "weird" ideas and did not need to be as coddled and treated with gentleness as the 1979 students. They may not have had playground fights -- I doubt many of the students of the past did, either -- but social media fights that they endured may have been even more character-building and may have taught them more about how to function in an adult world.
Emotionally fragile? Today's young people? As a 65-year-old, I only wish that my peers and I had had their smarts, their resilience, their knowledge of how the world works.
10
Having a purpose or passion in life may not make people any less emotionally fragile, but it does make them less self-absorbed and self-obsessed. They no longer have the time to be fragile.
It may be that the emotional fragility which teachers observe today is a result of parents of pre-school kids saying “good job” too often to their offspring, when the praise is not yet earned.
Later, in a competitive environment, those kids wilt when receiving a frank assessment.
It may be that the emotional fragility which teachers observe today is a result of parents of pre-school kids saying “good job” too often to their offspring, when the praise is not yet earned.
Later, in a competitive environment, those kids wilt when receiving a frank assessment.
7
I really agree with that point you have made. During my years as a teacher, some pupils expected praise for the most ordinary things, like having their homework or other such basics. When I met their parents, I knew why. KIds were late in the morning? Their parents quickly drove them to school. They forgot something at home? A parent or a relative would rush to school, into the classroom "Sorry, I have to give this to Freddie - he needs it for the next lesson." Or even "My child doesn't get along with some of his classmates. Can he be placed in a different class?"
Instead of making children face the consequences of their actions, or learning to cope - and even becoming friends with erstwhile 'enemies', - with kids they don't like, parents are anxious to shield them from even the slightest unpleasantness. The result is that these kids (and my examples are from junior and even senior high) have never learned to cope. think that the world owes them something, and that whoever doesn't accept everything they do as exceptional and great is only being nasty to them.
Instead of making children face the consequences of their actions, or learning to cope - and even becoming friends with erstwhile 'enemies', - with kids they don't like, parents are anxious to shield them from even the slightest unpleasantness. The result is that these kids (and my examples are from junior and even senior high) have never learned to cope. think that the world owes them something, and that whoever doesn't accept everything they do as exceptional and great is only being nasty to them.
13
From another teacher: So true, so true. One great problem I have observed--no work ethic. Children sit all day and do nothing to help parents with the yards, with the housework, with cleaning. They don't go out and secire small jobs by the time they are 12 years old, so they do not appreciate the toil of labor and do not have any skills relative to owning a home or taking care of a family. They are not asked to be guides to siblings. They just, far too often, watch TV, play computer games, surf the net and generally are BORED. This is why they have no interest in reading for broadening--the parents do not require them to learn anything. So--they come to my college classroom believing they are super special and then discover to their horror that their skills are deficient and that I will not reward them for mediocre essays. We have major problems. They don't understand time management, organization or reasons for handling time and organization, so they flounder. My college students often had to be taught organizational skills. Parents often drop the ball. Society helps with the ball bouncing away. What is the answer? Give these children chores, make them focus on learning how to operate a household, a bank account, credit, etc. Or they will flounder and never have the American dream. It is within reach, but they do not have the skills when they become 18 to know how tough it is to get to fulfillment of that dream.
178
sound just like the republican presidential candidate
1
Mr. Brooks writes that "for some men to be stone-like and uncommunicative and for some women to be brittle, brassy and untouchable" was part of a hardness we know longer need.Is the above a guarded reference to our 2 leading presidential candidates. Mr. Trump is not stone like; he is a world class narcissist who is proud of not having to listen to anyone As for Ms. Clinton, if to mean being untouchable means not having to listen to 30 mins of press questions about e-mail of her assistant husband's misconduct, I say more power to her in avoiding the press. When the press gets interested in policy issues, by all means seek them out. But that time is certainly not now:race track stories are all the rage .
7
Well, Hillary has not had a single press conference in the last six months...WHILE running for POTUS (*as The Anointed One). So there's that.
1
@Concerned Citizen: Clinton is winning in almost all the polls. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Why should she make herself a target? She has a full schedule of better things to do.
2
I know Brooks intent is to inspire us. Why is it that he just annoys me? Telos? Why not just say purpose? Was it so he could rhyme with ethos? What struck me as somewhat disturbing was the use of the word "make". If you have to 'make someone idealistic' then you haven't created idealism, you have dictated it. But that's the David B way, he knows best, even when he is using the soft sell.
16
As long as we are chatting, untethered to the rigours of scientific method, may I suggest that universities used to be dominated by testosterone, and the changes of which you speak are perhaps hormonal in nature. I'd also like to add that toughness is over rated and if sensitivity is combined with persistent determination, it will defeat toughness in any contest.
10
The key word is "persistent determination." If someone lacks sensitivity (not to be confused with over-emotional and sentimental), you get a person who will crush others on his or her way to success. I've had highly intelligent pupils who were very popular because they were attuned to their classmates, helped them when they needed help, and others in the same league, who sneered when another had problems understanding something and, of course, were isolated. Both kinds have become successful, but the first group has any number of close friends on whiom they can count.
To succeed, you have to keep your eyes on your goal, work against obstacles, and always remember that no one owes you success or the job you want.
To succeed, you have to keep your eyes on your goal, work against obstacles, and always remember that no one owes you success or the job you want.
2
Oh, well, so long as it "rings true" to you, I guess that's all you need.
8
Why mention at all FDR?
Who with polio had to spar,
Four terms bound to braces
Axis ravage faces
Whose social advances ranged far.
Who felt for forgotten folk
Would not see climate change a joke,
Tough yet with compassion
Which was still in fashion
Real programs not flimflam and smoke.
Who with polio had to spar,
Four terms bound to braces
Axis ravage faces
Whose social advances ranged far.
Who felt for forgotten folk
Would not see climate change a joke,
Tough yet with compassion
Which was still in fashion
Real programs not flimflam and smoke.
89
You write about "emotional fragility": "It’s caused by the culture of modern psychology, which sometimes tries to talk about psychological traits in isolation from moral purposes. It’s caused by the ethos of the modern university, which in the name of “critical thinking” encourages students to be detached and corrosively skeptical."
Have you even read any "modern psychology?" Jonathan Haight and Martin Seligman have written extensively about virtues Republicans used to champion: character, perseverance, grit, resilience, and founded whole new ways of thinking about cognition. You write about some of those things here but somehow neglected to mention that "modern psychology" has re-introduced those words into our vocabulary.
"Critical thinking"? Kindly tell me what you think of Trump supporters and all those who devour Fox News, Limbaugh, and Breitbart and swallow it all? What would you rather have? People who can see through lies and slander or the followers who will believe any lie. Maybe you haven't been "corrosive" enough; you're the one who championed Dubya and Cheney. Maybe some of us corrosive critical thinkers saw the incompetence and arrogance early on.
Have you even read any "modern psychology?" Jonathan Haight and Martin Seligman have written extensively about virtues Republicans used to champion: character, perseverance, grit, resilience, and founded whole new ways of thinking about cognition. You write about some of those things here but somehow neglected to mention that "modern psychology" has re-introduced those words into our vocabulary.
"Critical thinking"? Kindly tell me what you think of Trump supporters and all those who devour Fox News, Limbaugh, and Breitbart and swallow it all? What would you rather have? People who can see through lies and slander or the followers who will believe any lie. Maybe you haven't been "corrosive" enough; you're the one who championed Dubya and Cheney. Maybe some of us corrosive critical thinkers saw the incompetence and arrogance early on.
108
I like the idea that resilience comes from a a moral center, but that is too easy. Where does the moral center come from?
We have done a disservice to people when we have emphasized building an external buttress to self-esteem - think of participation trophies - and have not spent as much time trying to foster self-reliance, self-respect. Self-reliance takes responsibility; self-respect requires a moral definition of what is to be respected. Parents do their kids a favor when they set the guidelines for behavior, the parameters for what is acceptable.
The "fragile orchid" arises from the expectation that all of the cushions in life must be external, and not internal. It takes a good idea - that we be kind and empathetic - and expands it to the idea that we must shelter everyone from every unkindness, External buttresses rather than internal strength.
Unlike David Brooks, I do believe that parents serve on the front lines. Overprotective parenting, parents who teach kids to look for external support; who teach kids that problems should be solved by somebody - passive voice - and not that the child should solve his problems - active voice - create a soft spot. They fail to teach that a moral center is an internal personal center, and not something that somebody ought to provide.
We have a lot we can teach our kids. We just have to have the resilience to let them learn, even if we don't want to see them suffer through the learning curve.
We have done a disservice to people when we have emphasized building an external buttress to self-esteem - think of participation trophies - and have not spent as much time trying to foster self-reliance, self-respect. Self-reliance takes responsibility; self-respect requires a moral definition of what is to be respected. Parents do their kids a favor when they set the guidelines for behavior, the parameters for what is acceptable.
The "fragile orchid" arises from the expectation that all of the cushions in life must be external, and not internal. It takes a good idea - that we be kind and empathetic - and expands it to the idea that we must shelter everyone from every unkindness, External buttresses rather than internal strength.
Unlike David Brooks, I do believe that parents serve on the front lines. Overprotective parenting, parents who teach kids to look for external support; who teach kids that problems should be solved by somebody - passive voice - and not that the child should solve his problems - active voice - create a soft spot. They fail to teach that a moral center is an internal personal center, and not something that somebody ought to provide.
We have a lot we can teach our kids. We just have to have the resilience to let them learn, even if we don't want to see them suffer through the learning curve.
2
Mr. Brooks, you don't name the college administrators you spoke to, but we know you taught a class on humility at Yale only. I find it easy to imagine that students there are emotionally tough; they have had to come up with more and more extra circular activities of a strenuous sort just to gain admission(to be fair, Yale offers online over 40 undergraduate courses from Physics to Don Quixote )
However, I do agree that to lose yourself in a noble cause is one of the great things available to a young person. May, as you suggest Mr. Brooks, more attempt to leap of faith. The country would definitely benefit.
However, I do agree that to lose yourself in a noble cause is one of the great things available to a young person. May, as you suggest Mr. Brooks, more attempt to leap of faith. The country would definitely benefit.
1
"The orchid generation?"
There are so many generalizations, undefined terms and misty ruminations in this essay that I am embarrassed for this writer.
There are so many generalizations, undefined terms and misty ruminations in this essay that I am embarrassed for this writer.
99
The Orchid metaphor is known in social science circles.
http://www.wired.com/2009/12/does-the-orchid-dandelion-metaphor-work-for...
http://www.wired.com/2009/12/does-the-orchid-dandelion-metaphor-work-for...
Mr. Brooks conflates ardently, thereby finding his "telos."
"If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope."
Perhaps the idealism is in the young people and their allies who are tender for one another, who confront callousness and are accused of political correctness. Perhaps the trigger warnings and safe spaces are representing their world view that the temporary pain of racism, sexism and homophobia might be diminished in the context of a larger hope for a just and compassionate society.
Perhaps what Brooks criticizes is precisely what he hopes for.
"If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause, make them tender for some other person, make them committed to some worldview that puts today’s temporary pain in the context of a larger hope."
Perhaps the idealism is in the young people and their allies who are tender for one another, who confront callousness and are accused of political correctness. Perhaps the trigger warnings and safe spaces are representing their world view that the temporary pain of racism, sexism and homophobia might be diminished in the context of a larger hope for a just and compassionate society.
Perhaps what Brooks criticizes is precisely what he hopes for.
5
"Perhaps the trigger warnings and safe spaces are representing their world view that the temporary pain of racism, sexism and homophobia might be diminished in the context of a larger hope for a just and compassionate society."
People - and specially children - have always found ways to denigrate others. In lily-white places children still are bullied for being redheads, being small, being bad at sports or just being a "loser". Most kids ignore it. Some are traumatized. The big question is whether those "trigger warnings and safe spaces" help. I am afraid they do the opposite. Instead of telling kids that there will always be people who don't like them and that they should just ignore them as much as possible and enjoy life they tell kids that something very serious happened when they were scolded for being black or female.
People - and specially children - have always found ways to denigrate others. In lily-white places children still are bullied for being redheads, being small, being bad at sports or just being a "loser". Most kids ignore it. Some are traumatized. The big question is whether those "trigger warnings and safe spaces" help. I am afraid they do the opposite. Instead of telling kids that there will always be people who don't like them and that they should just ignore them as much as possible and enjoy life they tell kids that something very serious happened when they were scolded for being black or female.
2
“The desire for trigger warnings and safe spaces does seem to emanate from a place of emotional fragility.”
Sure it does.
At that age, the instinct GENERALLY is to avoid pain and challenge. Left to our own tendencies when young, USUALLY we will take the road that does not challenge us. It’s not eighteen-year-olds who challenge kids to think: it’s older minds who understand that the responsibility for productively guiding young minds is theirs and that it requires that the young be forced to make choices. Hopefully, they also provide guidance about how to define consequences, so that at least the choices made are as informed as possible.
Thus starts a lifelong process of building and validating character by refining the critical faculty. But it’s older, wiser heads who are charged with managing the process at its outset. It used to start earlier, but that was before our secondary schools fell apart at any purpose more complex than babysitting.
Yet teeing-up choices is an unpleasant process. It requires asserting opposing arguments, which in turn requires encouraging them. Without that unpleasantness, there is no goad to making choices.
Giving kids a purpose is nonsense: one DISCOVERS a purpose for oneself, if it happens at all. The most we can do is present options and, again, set up the conditions whereby choices must be made. But those choices are never easy and empowering individuals to make the right ones in their lives isn’t aided by pretending that they are.
Sure it does.
At that age, the instinct GENERALLY is to avoid pain and challenge. Left to our own tendencies when young, USUALLY we will take the road that does not challenge us. It’s not eighteen-year-olds who challenge kids to think: it’s older minds who understand that the responsibility for productively guiding young minds is theirs and that it requires that the young be forced to make choices. Hopefully, they also provide guidance about how to define consequences, so that at least the choices made are as informed as possible.
Thus starts a lifelong process of building and validating character by refining the critical faculty. But it’s older, wiser heads who are charged with managing the process at its outset. It used to start earlier, but that was before our secondary schools fell apart at any purpose more complex than babysitting.
Yet teeing-up choices is an unpleasant process. It requires asserting opposing arguments, which in turn requires encouraging them. Without that unpleasantness, there is no goad to making choices.
Giving kids a purpose is nonsense: one DISCOVERS a purpose for oneself, if it happens at all. The most we can do is present options and, again, set up the conditions whereby choices must be made. But those choices are never easy and empowering individuals to make the right ones in their lives isn’t aided by pretending that they are.
4
An interesting sermon Father David, but clearly you need to read Christopher Hitchen's writing on Mother Teresa.
27
The Mother had some great Plusses. I hope you consider that along with the Hitchen's critique of her.
3
In her defense, Mother Teresa did the best she could, in the circumstances given to her, of her own choosing.
2
Mr. Brooks, although I am a lifelong Democrat , I have read with great interest your columns for decades. You have an insight and compassion I find admirable. The cogent way you present moral and political issues is central to what I feel is nearly unique in todays debate. You, Sir are a true patriot. I salute you.
16
To the generation that was raised hearing "you're all winners" and not keeping score - it is a tough adjustment when they leave the womb and enter college. Raised by adoring parents with non-stop praise and ever-present adults to help smooth out any conflicts that arose between kids, they rarely had the opportunity to figure things out themselves and learn how to deal with people who don't agree with them. It's not about toughness, it's about understanding that the world does not revolve around you, good people might see the same situation differently and you will encounter jerks who will do their best to knock you down and the solution is getting up. Every time. Not running to safe spaces. That is the true meaning of being tough.
35
Could not disagree more. Two boys coddled and encouraged in youth by two devoted and involved parents. They turned out tough but caring, hardworking but passionate about family, skeptical yet patriotic. I see in this generation the same passions and flaws of other generations. Some are lazy, some work hard. Some are lost in addiction, some are committed to caring. Bottom line love your kids, encourage them to be the best they can but don't cast them alone into the world in the name of toughness.
6
Where does the "not keeping score" culture exist? It certainly doesn't exist in our youth sports and not in our education system. It never did and still doesn't.
4
In a competitive society, people are devoted to competition and winning the competition. For the competition to be intense and shut out other goals, there must be only a few winners, and losing must be a very bad thing. If most people win, or if losing is usually bearable, a welcome relief from the rat race, competition loses its hold on us.
The large and growing inequality of incomes and the lack of a solid safety net make sure that competition is necessary and intense, and that it will displace other motivations. The ethos of the modern university, for example, is formed by the existence of a few well-paid tenured positions and many positions with poor pay and no security; this inequality assures that the traditional roles and goals of the university will be corroded by intense competition, so that adding to the sum of human understanding takes second place to creating a credential that is useful, indeed essential, in the competition.
Competition for things corrupts and corrodes them, thereby removing them as alternative values to competition as values. Competition protects its world by debasing any other world, and thus makes our society safe for free enterprise by infusing other values with competition.
The large and growing inequality of incomes and the lack of a solid safety net make sure that competition is necessary and intense, and that it will displace other motivations. The ethos of the modern university, for example, is formed by the existence of a few well-paid tenured positions and many positions with poor pay and no security; this inequality assures that the traditional roles and goals of the university will be corroded by intense competition, so that adding to the sum of human understanding takes second place to creating a credential that is useful, indeed essential, in the competition.
Competition for things corrupts and corrodes them, thereby removing them as alternative values to competition as values. Competition protects its world by debasing any other world, and thus makes our society safe for free enterprise by infusing other values with competition.
15
Good thinking.
I agree with much of it and will seek any research associated with some of your biggest claims. Thanks for your provocative thoughts on crucial matters, not normally in evidence in the media, or elsewhere.
I agree with much of it and will seek any research associated with some of your biggest claims. Thanks for your provocative thoughts on crucial matters, not normally in evidence in the media, or elsewhere.
“but they bathe one another in oceans of affirmation and praise”,
Mr. Brooks that is a description of the Washington Nomenclature and is not unique to Students. It is the source of the Washington Consensus about how to ‘fix’ the world.
“If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause,”
Mr. Brooks, but please not for the Washington Consensus – the world is suffering from an excess of that Consensus.
Mr. Brooks that is a description of the Washington Nomenclature and is not unique to Students. It is the source of the Washington Consensus about how to ‘fix’ the world.
“If you really want people to be tough, make them idealistic for some cause,”
Mr. Brooks, but please not for the Washington Consensus – the world is suffering from an excess of that Consensus.
4
Resiliency is the most over-used buzz word in British business. In reality, it means the ability to endure corporate stupidity without losing your mind. Resiliency is good, but recovering from a situation and returning to your original shape creates no forward momentum. We don't need our children to endure, we need them to challenges, create and fix. I really like David's word "ardent." Life is not a challenge to endure but a gift to nurture. I like this article.
14
Good writing.
But, I am still puzzled by the fabled "meritocracy" you refer to on regular occasions?
What might that be? Is that the meritocracy that enabled George Bush, who graduated near the bottom of his high school in Midland, Texas, then, was rejected by UT Austin, to attend Yale?
Is that the Meritocracy that enabled Trump, a poor student, low energy worker, with no hint of merit, to enter Wharton, party for four years, and graduate?
What Meritocracy are you referring to David? Write that article and define it.
Because, America has long been without a meritocracy, and, has shored up the not competitive component of society through favor and "legacy" programs.
But, I am still puzzled by the fabled "meritocracy" you refer to on regular occasions?
What might that be? Is that the meritocracy that enabled George Bush, who graduated near the bottom of his high school in Midland, Texas, then, was rejected by UT Austin, to attend Yale?
Is that the Meritocracy that enabled Trump, a poor student, low energy worker, with no hint of merit, to enter Wharton, party for four years, and graduate?
What Meritocracy are you referring to David? Write that article and define it.
Because, America has long been without a meritocracy, and, has shored up the not competitive component of society through favor and "legacy" programs.
371
Both GW Bush and Donald Trump are 70 years of age this year. If you are talking about their college years, it was in the 1960s! over 50 years ago!
Mr. Brooks is talking about TODAY -- about millennials.
Everything imaginable has changed about college since the middle 60s when Bush and Trump attended -- admissions, costs, even the necessity of getting a college education.
If your point is that "rich kids often get legacy admissions into the most desirable Ivy League schools:" -- point taken, but that's a few thousand kids out of MILLIONS.
Surely by the time a man is SEVENTY YEARS OLD, you judge him by his life's work -- good, bad, or indifferent -- and not by "what grades he had in high school or college". Or at least I hope so, because if THAT is the sole arbiter of someone's life, many of us would come up short.
Mr. Brooks is talking about TODAY -- about millennials.
Everything imaginable has changed about college since the middle 60s when Bush and Trump attended -- admissions, costs, even the necessity of getting a college education.
If your point is that "rich kids often get legacy admissions into the most desirable Ivy League schools:" -- point taken, but that's a few thousand kids out of MILLIONS.
Surely by the time a man is SEVENTY YEARS OLD, you judge him by his life's work -- good, bad, or indifferent -- and not by "what grades he had in high school or college". Or at least I hope so, because if THAT is the sole arbiter of someone's life, many of us would come up short.
6
They both got into major U´s thru Daddy, and in W´s case the American fascist grandaddy´s money & influence. They both avoided military service in the most arrogant, unsacrificial way possible thru again influence of money therefore power. Both have been lousy businesspeople who lost money for lots of small businesses and communities. The latest one is more cunning, he is a conman and a crook.
4
@Michael: You're right. Perhaps David Brooks could come up with a better word. What he often refers to as meritocracy actually has very little to do with merit.
3
I hate it when columnists send mixed messages. In a previous column David Brooks wrote about the necessity for our leaders to be gracious. Now he's utterly appalled to discover that--Surprise-today's college students are over coddled weaklings who lack the toughness needed to cope in a tough world. Welcome to the 21st century Mr. Brooks!!! Those factory jobs are long gone ( they were exported to China) and military service is no longer mandatory. Even when they graduate college these kids are going straight back home to Mommy and Daddy's basement because rents are too expensive.
I hate it when David Brooks embarks on one of his holier than thou tirades. He sounds like a grumpy old man who starts off every dinner conversation with "When I was your age................."
I hate it when David Brooks embarks on one of his holier than thou tirades. He sounds like a grumpy old man who starts off every dinner conversation with "When I was your age................."
30
Mr. Brooks’ telos is to forever blame the victims. College students don’t create the world they’re living in. They’re reacting to it, just like everyone else. In the sick political, economic and social climate we’re living in, detachment and fear would seem to be appropriate responses.
This is a climate in which the price of cheap life-saving drugs can be jacked up by millionaire C.E.O.s, who then morally justify their actions on an ethos of thinly-veiled insurance fraud.
While the G.O.P. promotes guns and bankrupts the nation, the educated and uneducated alike march in the streets to protest the killings of unarmed people, usually of the wrong color, but occasionally those who were merely disabled. They also occupied Wall Street in droves, and were bitterly disparaged by our Mr. Brooks as unwashed hippies who dared to confront the source of our absurd income inequality.
Millions of so-called purposeless college students rallied behind Bernie Sanders as if their futures depended on him. And they were probably right, as time will tell.
There’s plenty of passion out there. But there’s also a sense of despair that nothing will change, except for the worse. Today’s college kids have nothing to apologize for, given that the grown children of the Greatest Generation are the ones who are supporting Donald Trump in droves.
The young are the only ones who can stop the scourge of Republicans who are destroying the country. If that's their telos, let's give them a break.
This is a climate in which the price of cheap life-saving drugs can be jacked up by millionaire C.E.O.s, who then morally justify their actions on an ethos of thinly-veiled insurance fraud.
While the G.O.P. promotes guns and bankrupts the nation, the educated and uneducated alike march in the streets to protest the killings of unarmed people, usually of the wrong color, but occasionally those who were merely disabled. They also occupied Wall Street in droves, and were bitterly disparaged by our Mr. Brooks as unwashed hippies who dared to confront the source of our absurd income inequality.
Millions of so-called purposeless college students rallied behind Bernie Sanders as if their futures depended on him. And they were probably right, as time will tell.
There’s plenty of passion out there. But there’s also a sense of despair that nothing will change, except for the worse. Today’s college kids have nothing to apologize for, given that the grown children of the Greatest Generation are the ones who are supporting Donald Trump in droves.
The young are the only ones who can stop the scourge of Republicans who are destroying the country. If that's their telos, let's give them a break.
408
Thank you for your insightful response.
2
"perhaps it's time to rethink toughness"
Indeed, and they can do that in their safe space trigger warning friendly atmospheres while they contemplate the intricacies of intersecionality about which many are quite ardent.
Lack of topics to be ardent about is not their problem. The problem is that university students should be most ardent about their studies and about intellectual pursuits and critical thinking should be channeled into this and not into pseudo-activism or into pursuing their own comfort zone which leaves them ill prepared for real life.
Indeed, and they can do that in their safe space trigger warning friendly atmospheres while they contemplate the intricacies of intersecionality about which many are quite ardent.
Lack of topics to be ardent about is not their problem. The problem is that university students should be most ardent about their studies and about intellectual pursuits and critical thinking should be channeled into this and not into pseudo-activism or into pursuing their own comfort zone which leaves them ill prepared for real life.
6
Ah, yet another churchy nostalgic manly sermon from David Brooks.
My own family history teaches me a different lesson from the one he summarizes. Mr. Brooks suggests that people (MEN who worked factory jobs, MEN who joined the military) used to have more courage than today's coddled college students, who are ruined by "critical thinking."
In my family, those hard days (remember the Great Depression?) were not pretty or brave. They were soiled by violence, suicide, and mental illness.
It was the women who held things together.
The "gritty" men Mr. Brooks romanticizes here, those who haven't become practiced in critical thinking, have evolved into eager (racist?) Trump supporters.
Give me a college student any day ... especially a thoughtful, critical young woman.
Does David Brooks ever remember that women do exist in this nation, and they vote?
My own family history teaches me a different lesson from the one he summarizes. Mr. Brooks suggests that people (MEN who worked factory jobs, MEN who joined the military) used to have more courage than today's coddled college students, who are ruined by "critical thinking."
In my family, those hard days (remember the Great Depression?) were not pretty or brave. They were soiled by violence, suicide, and mental illness.
It was the women who held things together.
The "gritty" men Mr. Brooks romanticizes here, those who haven't become practiced in critical thinking, have evolved into eager (racist?) Trump supporters.
Give me a college student any day ... especially a thoughtful, critical young woman.
Does David Brooks ever remember that women do exist in this nation, and they vote?
455
Brooks once again trots out the fractured Zen parables, the sound of one hand clapping, building a house, writing a book and doing the dishes all by itself.
9
Well, Brooks does acknowledge women - but they're "brittle, brassy and untouchable". Quite a description he conjures up.
8
An excellent reminder. Historically, women have likely had to show and model much more resilence than men, as we have been the cause of much of your troubles.
6
Mr. Brooks, Hillary Clinton's name is not in your column but you write all around her: "There was a greater tendency in years gone by to wall off emotions, to put on a thick skin...and for some women to be brittle, brassy and untouchable."
You then go on to slice off a piece of President Obama for being "ardent...a higher yearning enables them to withstand setbacks, pain and betrayal."
You begin with today's young, the Millennials, but it's a political treatise and anyone with the smallest insight can see right through it. You rhapsodize of "telos, the purpose for living." What of the desire to do good for the larger world outside one's self? You mention John Lewis at Selma and Mother Teresa in the teeming slums of India, driven by something greater than themselves. President Obama's quixotic quest for a healthy society?
You go off the rails near your end, subjugating the "emotionally fragile" to the "idealistic" and "tough." Both the current president and the next president are both, "tough cookies" as you say in your close.
You describe Donald Trump perfectly whose past and present are nothing more or less than "psychological traits in isolation from moral purposes." This is not flattering, Mr. Brooks, it's psychotic, a dark night of America's soul to which half the country aspires. It's not Millennials who are fragile, it's older voters.
We threw away eight years of a good and decent president for the prospect of an awful tomorrow.
Is this America's telos?
You then go on to slice off a piece of President Obama for being "ardent...a higher yearning enables them to withstand setbacks, pain and betrayal."
You begin with today's young, the Millennials, but it's a political treatise and anyone with the smallest insight can see right through it. You rhapsodize of "telos, the purpose for living." What of the desire to do good for the larger world outside one's self? You mention John Lewis at Selma and Mother Teresa in the teeming slums of India, driven by something greater than themselves. President Obama's quixotic quest for a healthy society?
You go off the rails near your end, subjugating the "emotionally fragile" to the "idealistic" and "tough." Both the current president and the next president are both, "tough cookies" as you say in your close.
You describe Donald Trump perfectly whose past and present are nothing more or less than "psychological traits in isolation from moral purposes." This is not flattering, Mr. Brooks, it's psychotic, a dark night of America's soul to which half the country aspires. It's not Millennials who are fragile, it's older voters.
We threw away eight years of a good and decent president for the prospect of an awful tomorrow.
Is this America's telos?
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" It’s caused by the ethos of the modern university, which in the name of “critical thinking” encourages students to be detached and corrosively skeptical."
What nonsense... scholarship and docility are antithetical. Scholarship and skepticism are inextricably linked, and a university that does not teach undergraduates to be healthy skeptics fails in this first order of its mission as a center for scholarly study. And by what measure would you determine whether the "modern university" is providing critical thinking skills and moving into the realm of corrosiveness. When an entire national political party launches a career business scoundrel as its presidential candidate, what university wouldn't, as part of its civic mission, provide its students with a good dose of skepticism during this fall's political horror show. What would you call the 1968,69,70,71 fall semesters on college campuses David Brooks?-- a demonstration of "emotional resilience" on the part of the boomer generation?
What nonsense... scholarship and docility are antithetical. Scholarship and skepticism are inextricably linked, and a university that does not teach undergraduates to be healthy skeptics fails in this first order of its mission as a center for scholarly study. And by what measure would you determine whether the "modern university" is providing critical thinking skills and moving into the realm of corrosiveness. When an entire national political party launches a career business scoundrel as its presidential candidate, what university wouldn't, as part of its civic mission, provide its students with a good dose of skepticism during this fall's political horror show. What would you call the 1968,69,70,71 fall semesters on college campuses David Brooks?-- a demonstration of "emotional resilience" on the part of the boomer generation?
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These replies are as thought-provoking as the column! Thank you, all. Sometimes it seems as if we no longer live in the "The Land of Opportunity. It still is compared to the horror for many immigrants in their war-torn countries.
But for those of us older Americans for whom higher education was a path for success, things have changed mightily. For the farmers and factory workers with whom I grew up, adaptation and progress, let alone resilience and toughness, are daily requirements.
I find blaming helps momentary frustration. But understanding the systemic factors - whether a currency and monetary system that changed the world (based on paper not underlying value or gold), religion, sexuality, psychology, sociology, politics and health makes more sense. The current election dynamics are as much a symptom and reflection of every one oof us as anything else. May The Force be with us. And may good prevail over evil, whether you believe in prayer, The Ten Commandments or not. And no nuclear attacks, Black Swan events, or HEMPS please.
But for those of us older Americans for whom higher education was a path for success, things have changed mightily. For the farmers and factory workers with whom I grew up, adaptation and progress, let alone resilience and toughness, are daily requirements.
I find blaming helps momentary frustration. But understanding the systemic factors - whether a currency and monetary system that changed the world (based on paper not underlying value or gold), religion, sexuality, psychology, sociology, politics and health makes more sense. The current election dynamics are as much a symptom and reflection of every one oof us as anything else. May The Force be with us. And may good prevail over evil, whether you believe in prayer, The Ten Commandments or not. And no nuclear attacks, Black Swan events, or HEMPS please.
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I agree. What nonsense. Critical thinking is at the heart of higher education. To this point, Nietzsche, the famous philosopher whom Brooks quotes, reminds us "Having the courage of your conviction is at best a modest virtue. Being willing to attack your position, that is something altogether different."
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