I really enjoyed the article 'I Have No Choice But To Keep Looking’ by Jennifer Percy. It is about a husband who is looking for his wife after a tsunami sent her missing in 2011. The husband is accompanied by another man who is looking for his daughter who also went missing. He has been looking for his wife for around 3 years, he started in 2013. The person looking for his daughter joined him in 2014. I think it is amazing that they are still looking for their family 5 years after it happened. To be completely honest I would not search for my family if that happened just because I think they'd be lost forever. Which I know sounds terrible, but that is just me and I have no patience whatsoever. I just think it is very cool and I have a lot of respect for them because of what they have been doing. I also am very sorry for everyone who lost a loved one because of this tsunami
2
Where happiness and sorrow come together is wisdom. Now I also wish these wise survivors peace.
2
from here, Egypt, all my consolations to you !!! you broke my heart
6
This is the most beautiful story I've read in The New York Times this year. I offer my condolences to the families of the lost and my thanks to Jennifer Percy for reporting and writing the story. The whole thing was a poem of connection and love and the mystery of time.
14
I know this rift. I understand how time and memory are suspended. I know how the horror of profound and sudden loss makes you into something/ someone you never wanted to become. To love is to risk this grief. It's a deep dive you integrate and cope with, but never quite emerge from.
12
I've worked for several years on State of Alaska projects to remove the hundreds of thousands of tons of tsunami debris that has been washing up on hundreds of miles of Alaska's shorelines since late 2011. Most of the debris is prosaic: construction foam, building materials, tanks, buoys, bottles, and such. But the Gulf of Alaska Keeper cleanup crews have also found hundreds of shoes which serve as poignant reminders of the lives lost. The Government of Japan gave the United States five million dollars to use for tsunami debris cleanup, an incredibly generous gesture considering the devastation Japan suffered.
19
What do they do with the shoes? Do they return them to Japan for claiming by the families?
5
This is a moving story with all of the mixed emotions of other commenters are seeking to understand.
And it is in need of a tiny and very common correction - the tanks referred to "Takahashi checked oxygen tanks" are not filled with oxygen, rather with simple air.
And it is in need of a tiny and very common correction - the tanks referred to "Takahashi checked oxygen tanks" are not filled with oxygen, rather with simple air.
1
Beautiful writing, reflects how deep love can be.
5
Profoundly moving story. Thanks for publishing this.
5
I had come to believe that love was the most impermanent of all emotions. I am wrong. Beautifully written story. I hope they find the peace they seek.
4
The writers at the Times, like this one, have a particular genius in writing profoundly about everyday people from all over the world. This was one of the best. A beloved wife or daughter - who can know what the broken heart feels like? Especially when there's no trace of the loved person. May the Gods favor Hiromi and Takamatsu and Narita as they struggle to find some trace of their lost loved ones! Rage, rage, at the dying of their light!
4
this is love.
makes me wonder what i'd do if i were the one that survived, but i really don't know... i can only say that these families are an inspiration and i am truly humbled. i wish them, and all surviving family and friends, find something, anything, whether tangible or intangible, that will provide love and comfort in their search...
makes me wonder what i'd do if i were the one that survived, but i really don't know... i can only say that these families are an inspiration and i am truly humbled. i wish them, and all surviving family and friends, find something, anything, whether tangible or intangible, that will provide love and comfort in their search...
7
As I sit here at my regular dinner place crying from reading this emotionally wrenching story - 5 years after the day that terrified us all - I pray we remember that nature can be terrible enough. We don't need to add to it with more human-inflicted violence.
11
Thank you for this, Jennifer. I wish stories like this were read more often—we'd be more human, more empathetic. What an extraordinary man. You've shown us what love is. I hope, if he doesn't find any trace of his wife, he at least finds peace.
6
What a heartbreakingly beautiful story.
4
It's a fruitles and sad endeavor that this man is on. Only he can't see what all of us can.
1
I think you miss the point, entirely.
12
I really hope Mr. Takamatsu finds his wife, this man has shown the world that love to one another is beyond imagination even if the person is not with you anymore. A sad event, may God be with this doting man.
4
A friend who lives in Higashimatsushima would have been washed away in the tsunami had he not taken taken an alternate route home that day. I have stood with him at Kashimamiko Shrine while he pointed to where friends and relatives used to live in Kadonowaki, explaining who escaped and who was still missing. I have listened to him describe how he bicycled to the local police box whenever the tide brought another body to his neighborhood in the days following the tsunami. He is a gentle soul who still spends much of his spare time volunteering and, like many in the region, he lives with the effects of the tsunami on a daily basis; the physical reminders of the event are everywhere. Five years may seem like a long time. Recovery will take more than a decade, and quite possibly more than two.
7
The mourning mother leaving a package with lunch in the sea for her daughter every Sunday, year after year. Yuko's husband diving into the depths of the ocean risking his life, to somehow get closer to his lost wife. The colors of despair and hopelessness are imprinted in these stories. Reading these histories of the people involved makes you realize life is like sand slipping through your fingers. It makes your realize how lives can be shattered completely, just like that. While 'we' read the latest news in the newspaper and move on, lives were destroyed and those people that stay behind are left in grief, many years later. This piece has been written with great care and eye for the story of those left behind. And the stories told leave you without words - wile I'm writing this simple note, these persons are still searching for a piece of their life, of themselves, that may never be found anymore.
10
Deeply saddening. this poor man. But at least he loved his wife and that they had something special.
1
Jennifer Percy, well done. This is wonderful and very well spoken. This man's dedication to his wife is amazing and the way you wrote his amazing story was phenomenal. This article reminds me of what people should be like. More caring, more loving, and containing perseverance. Beautiful.
5
I hope it doesn't trivialize the profoundness of the acts described in this story to say they reminded me of the quote from the movie Interstellar: "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space."
3
Thank you for telling these stories so beautifully. The writer has done right by these poor families.
Quiet, honourable, dignified, all-consuming grief, as an extension of the pure love felt for their lost ones. May these poor survivors find some peace in knowing that they did everything they could.
Quiet, honourable, dignified, all-consuming grief, as an extension of the pure love felt for their lost ones. May these poor survivors find some peace in knowing that they did everything they could.
8
The employees obey the bank manager and go to the roof and stay there, despite having ample time to flee to a much safer location. The captain of the sinking Korean ferry tells the students to stay in their rooms and await instructions, then abandons ship. Passengers on a burning subway car in Taegu are told to sit tight and wait for more information. After the first plane hits on 9/11, workers in the other tower are told to stay where they are.
Sometimes you just have to think for yourself if you want to live.
Sometimes you just have to think for yourself if you want to live.
6
Thank you Jennifer Percy for this beautiful tribute. And thank you NYT. This is spiritual nourishment served up cold. So hard and elusive to produce but so needed. This is the excellence the NYT must dive for every day.
2
Have faith in "From God we come, to Him is our return" ..... and in the afterlife we shall re-unite. Meanwhile pray for her and for yourself, and help the needy
I say this with all due respect, but i'm struck by how the comments are so sentimental and immature. As if obsessive search for a body represents noble sentiments. I don't agree. It shows an inability to accept and cope in a healthy manner. Would the deceased loved ones want their family members to search for them like this? I hope not. That'd be pretty selfish. And if they find that person? Then what? The narratives people weave in their own psyche's amaze me. They obviously are embracing suffering. Why don't they believe they deserve peace?
3
Thank you for the diligent and sensitive reporting of this story. There is something profoundly ennobling about the way these families live their grief. While I hope these families can find succor, I think it is somehow wrong to hope they can "move on" from the tragedy that has defined their lives. Their, to us, very literal way of confronting loss provokes deep reflection on the ties between family, between the beloved.
3
Sounds like a Murakami novel to me
How sad that this individual cannot think of anything realistic and constructive to do with the rest of his life. Grief should yield to common sense and focusing on things that will help others beyond wishful and delusional thinking.
As I wrote to another commenter, you miss the point, entirely.
5
Truly heartbreaking and inspiring. I am awed at the dedication and love of a husband for his wife, and a father for his daughter. These are only two of many stories of love and loss in Japan associated with this disaster. I applaud the NYT for not forgetting the many that were affected and can only hope that these families one day find closure. I was actually in tears reading this.
2
So many ways to love.
2
This is probably the best, most well written article I have ever read. The emotions, the pain, the dedication to love was conveyed with perfection by the author. Truly the New York Times should be so very proud of the work they do. Thank you for reminding us in this meme... tweet world... What true journalism... True writing is all about. Conveying the feelings of others and eliciting empathy from the reader. Bravo to the author... Bravo to the Times... And all my prayers to the remarkable people in the news story.
4
This article was a massive reality check. I've been getting so caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle of just daily life, all it's nuisances, irritations, the frustrations of always rushing to red light after red light...
I've often wondered about the victims of this tragically horrifying Tsunami, how they were doing and how they were moving on... You hear so little about it in American news, or maybe it's just the news that I'm privy to.
This article was a heart wrenching read, I sobbed almost uncontrollably paragraph after paragraph, envisioning the heartbreaking agony these poor folks are still living in. What they have seen with their very own eyes is horrific and unimaginable, and the heartbreak they have endured everyday - and will probably have to for the rest of their lives. I can barely comprehend it.
I'm so sorry that it took this article to make me realize how much I've been forgetting to be thankful for the people I get to have in my life, who I love and cherish more than I could possibly explain..
It's made me question whether or not my kids are getting enough of my time and attention.... If they have any idea what a beautiful blessing it is that I get to be their mom? Does my own Mom know how much I appreciate her...? Does my husband know that the mere thought of having to live a life without him literally paralyzes me in fear...?
Probably not...
I've been taking it all and all of them for granted... Even the stupid red lights.
Never again.
I've often wondered about the victims of this tragically horrifying Tsunami, how they were doing and how they were moving on... You hear so little about it in American news, or maybe it's just the news that I'm privy to.
This article was a heart wrenching read, I sobbed almost uncontrollably paragraph after paragraph, envisioning the heartbreaking agony these poor folks are still living in. What they have seen with their very own eyes is horrific and unimaginable, and the heartbreak they have endured everyday - and will probably have to for the rest of their lives. I can barely comprehend it.
I'm so sorry that it took this article to make me realize how much I've been forgetting to be thankful for the people I get to have in my life, who I love and cherish more than I could possibly explain..
It's made me question whether or not my kids are getting enough of my time and attention.... If they have any idea what a beautiful blessing it is that I get to be their mom? Does my own Mom know how much I appreciate her...? Does my husband know that the mere thought of having to live a life without him literally paralyzes me in fear...?
Probably not...
I've been taking it all and all of them for granted... Even the stupid red lights.
Never again.
10
Absolutely heartbreaking to read this deeply moving story. The loss, the uncertainty, is unimaginable. I think the Japanese may be the only culture that can endure such hardship with perseverance and grace.
1
OK, I hate to be obsessively factual, but it's never an "oxygen tank". Just plain old air most of the time, about 21% oxygen. Pure oxygen becomes toxic at depth. Same factual error is repeated at least twice, automatic fail for me.
Though Japan's authorities still use double standard about Radioactive Contamination,
they insist on "Fukushima is safe".
they insist on "Fukushima is safe".
1
Just another proof that we are all solitary travelers in this journey called life with that one special companion who we meet at some point, if we are fortunate enough. Takamatsu is on his own journey with his special companion Yuko at all times, just like it was before the Tsunami.
3
I am a very romantic person, I am actually that kind of person who believes the impossible may turn into something very positive and "doable" at times, but 5 years after such a horrible accident like that? Sorry, but to me this is totally insane and I can´t understand someone allowing himself to waste such a huge amount of time by doing something that everybody knows that isn´t worth it at all!
Am I right or what?
Am I right or what?
Heartbreaking - truly heartbreaking. Even five years later we can't talk about the tsunami without feeling a deep pain for the lives that were lost. We all had a connection somehow, a family member or a friend of a friend. It is excruciating pain.
3
I can only weep.
1
This is the most beautiful and heartbreaking piece of writing I think I have ever read in the Times. You are a superb and empathetic writer and I thank you. (I was weeping copiously by the end, much to the concern of my fellow airplane riders.) Your sentences are gut wrenching and your compassion for your subjects is extremely appreciated.
3
i would note that this piece, like much of the early work of the novelist David Mitchell, mimics the unmistakable narrative voice of Haruki Murakami. I mention it because I'm genuine not sure what to make of this; is it a manifestation of racial stereotyping? is it valuable? Wrong? Interesting, even?
Very moving piece. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who lost someone that day.
1
I wish people who write articles such as this would take the time do do a little research. They're fins, not flippers. Flooding a mask is a complete non-event, and easily cleared. Recreational divers don't carry oxygen tanks. They breath plain air, or air enhanced with a little extra oxygen to reduce the amount of nitrogen, the inert gas which can cause decompression sickness.
Thanks and admiration to Jennifer Percy, whose patience, delicacy, sympathetic yet diligent reporting, and perfect, soft-spoken prose has brought us this remarkable story of love and devotion.
3
Yes, it's illogical, but love is illogical. My heart is breaking fro these families. I hope they eventually find comfort and peace.
7
I'm not a psychotherapist, but my concern is that this searching is prolonging a negative spiral that won't allow them to move on. The losses they've suffered are devastating, but is there a healthier way to try to heal from this and move on? I have no idea how I would react in this situation, but reading this story made me feel helpless in wanting to see these people find closure and acceptance. I'm so sorry for all of them. RIP.
Lovely piece. I've been wondering about the impacts of the tsunami and this helps. My boyfriend and I hiked on a beach in Olympic National Park in Washington state a year after the tsunami and there was Japanese debris in piles. Buoys and construction clearly from Japan. It was ominous and sad, and arrived a year sooner than most predictions.
1
In 1970, I lost a brother, and a childhood friend to "stray electricity" from an improperly grounded yard sprinkler irrigation pump on a small lake in mid Michigan. The person who wired the pump was part of out Catholic community, the neighbors who owned the faulty pump were our lake neighbors for 30 plus years. Who was at fault? It doesn't matter. Money means nothing. It's the web of being working.
If I died in such circumstances, I would not want my loved ones to waste the rest of their lives looking for my body. I am sure the dead people would be horrified that this was happening.
Some mental health workers need to do some work here., There is not even any possibility that a body would be recognizable after all this time.
Some mental health workers need to do some work here., There is not even any possibility that a body would be recognizable after all this time.
1
This story deeply moved me, and made me realize how beautiful this tragic search is. In this country, if someone did that, chances are that they would be told to move on, get psych meds, and seek grief counseling. And yes, yes, therapy and psych meds are healing tools, and work for some people. Whats so haunting and powerful about this beautiful story, is that I got a different perception of life and death, as well as the tragedy of losing a loved one, through the eyes of the family that lost their daughter, as well as from the man who lost his beloved Yuko. Also, their search is conducted with dignity, and their grief and loss is treated with utmost respect. This story is a testament to love, and to Japanese society.
2
This story reads like a fictional tale of lost love with a touch of the macabre. I can't help but wonder what does he hope to find after all this time.
1
I can't even read this. Too sad for me But, without reading it, it makes me wonder - when logic tells you something is hopeless, how do you turn from obsession to resignation? When you lose someone so close, how do you not feel guilty by going on and enjoying your life? And, if one of them succeeds, will his life seem purposeless afterwards, like some hero returning from a great war? I don't know the answers or if I could do it. Maybe it's just time and perhaps therapy. Just asking the questions.
Sad, quixotic, and ultimately futile.
This is reminding me of those Japanese guys who many years after WW2 ended would turn up every now and then on some island defending it, not knowing that the war had been over for some time.
With all respect, it's time to deal with reality.
With all respect, it's time to deal with reality.
2
As a young journalist, I am addicted to reading great stories. This may be the greatest piece of literary journalism I have ever read.
3
My heart aches for them. The hope tey do not have. The tunnel vision of dispare. Its a heartful reminder of love, lost and lack of closure.
Such a beautiful story - heartbreakingly sad, sobbing in my salad.
1
Sitting in office in the afternoon I happened to browse to this story. I read it and started crying. I thought of my family and my little son. There's nothing is life more painful than losing your loved ones. My heart aches at thinking about the pain this person is having about the loss.
3
What a beautifully written story. I felt the loss of these families so profoundly. I admire how they've managed to find purpose and meaning after such tragedy while continuing to honor their loved ones in a deeply personal way. Some might call their endless search a waste of time. I think it's a tribute and a reminder to the rest of us that life can be snatched away in mere seconds.
13
Some commenters say this is a waste of time. Some say it is unhealthy. Some say that these people need psychological help.
Maybe being Japanese I'm biased, but when I read this story I got a completely different impression - that this is a heart-wrenchingly beautiful story that perfectly showcases determination, resilience, compassion, and love. It brought to life the virtues and the raw human emotions of real life, everyday Japanese people.
For many viewers across the world, this tragedy was only associated to a high death toll reported on a TV screen. NYT has given that number a new meaning. A new face. A personal touch. This is a humbling reminder that even long after the news stops reporting a story, the daily battle of those left behind continue, and nothing, not even the deep blue sea, can put a damper on unconditional love.
Maybe being Japanese I'm biased, but when I read this story I got a completely different impression - that this is a heart-wrenchingly beautiful story that perfectly showcases determination, resilience, compassion, and love. It brought to life the virtues and the raw human emotions of real life, everyday Japanese people.
For many viewers across the world, this tragedy was only associated to a high death toll reported on a TV screen. NYT has given that number a new meaning. A new face. A personal touch. This is a humbling reminder that even long after the news stops reporting a story, the daily battle of those left behind continue, and nothing, not even the deep blue sea, can put a damper on unconditional love.
16
What a beautiful way to suggest the permanence of unconditional love.
1
"We often think of searching as a kind of movement, a forward motion through time, but maybe it can also be the opposite, a suspension of time and memory."
I too felt this after the loss of my mother, that she was caught in a moment of time and not really gone. The feeling still persists...
My heart goes out to these people who have immense loss. Thank you for this well-written article.
I too felt this after the loss of my mother, that she was caught in a moment of time and not really gone. The feeling still persists...
My heart goes out to these people who have immense loss. Thank you for this well-written article.
8
A beautiful story about enduring love.
Our American culture encourages us to view long-term, public mourning as a kind of denial or illness. Not every culture does so, and it is natural to mourn for as long as the loss is felt, which could be the rest of one's life. So many in our culture feel tragic, senseless loss as deeply, and they do not get over it, but they must hide it.
Our American culture encourages us to view long-term, public mourning as a kind of denial or illness. Not every culture does so, and it is natural to mourn for as long as the loss is felt, which could be the rest of one's life. So many in our culture feel tragic, senseless loss as deeply, and they do not get over it, but they must hide it.
9
Weeping..........Broke my heart all over again.
I understand his grief and the undying hope. But it is time there is acceptance. He should understand that his wife and daughter are gone and will never come back. It is best for him to let go of this mourn, grieve, angered and finally accept the fact that they are no more so that he can move on in life. Learning to dive at 56 so that he can try to find his wife? I'm sorry but I think this man needs help not giving him hope.
1
A movingly written story of two families and their attempts to address their loss and grief in ways that make sense to them. The very idea of criticizing them for not "moving on" is anathema; we all move on in different ways. For the Japanese, as for people in many other cultures, the lack of a physical manifestation of a lost loved one--a body, to put it plainly--is a profound trauma, especially in the context of this particular disaster, where a kind of survivor guilt has been particularly acute among the many families ripped apart by the events of that day. These two families are facing conflicting feelings of love and hope, despair and guilt with grace and determination, and I respect them for that.
42
I was in Kobe, 300 miles away when the earthquake and tsunami struck the area around Sendai. Having been a long time resident of Japan, I grew to understand and admire the Japanese and their culture. I married a Japanese woman and so that culture and admiration will be with me forever. I will never forget the way the Japanese came together over the weeks and years that passed after this tragedy. Prior to even reading this article and seeing the photo of this gentleman I could not stop the tears. Mind you, I am a 65 year old man. This is a beautiful article about a beautiful person searching for his lost love. I think, only in Japan could this happen. Thank you for the story.
69
A heartbreaking story. Nonetheless, I believe both victims would want the search to end and their loved ones to either perform community work instead or simply live their lives and try to move on as best they can.
10
Thank you for this story.
15
Love can move mountains. Peace and love to the families.
19
A deeply moving and poignant piece. I could actually feel a shadow of the family's grief, atmospheric like a Japanese film, bleak like an empty beach in winter. A great piece of writing, and an affirmation that love is the strongest bond for people all over world.
54
I have been privileged to visit Japan on several occasions. I observed the Japanese to be stoic and focused. And sometimes acutely obsessive. This was a haunting story of grief and loss threaded with a sense of humanity and purpose.
Their acute sense of honor and respect is comforting in a world of bravado and apathy.
Their acute sense of honor and respect is comforting in a world of bravado and apathy.
50
So, so many parallels to 9/11. As a 9/11 family member, I have witnessed all these reactions from family survivors to the range of comments posted.
My heart aches for these people, still searching.
For anyone who hasn't 'been there' in terms of this type of sudden, violent ripping away of a loved one, and says, 'move on already, do something productive, it's already been 2-1/2 years.' I can only say from experience, it can easily -- easily -- take that long, if not longer, to even truly understand what has happened, that this actually occurred. Shock and PTSD are very real and their undertow can be a psychological tsunami. Now, they are trying take steps that make sense to them. It is all part of their individual road of grief, and hopefully, ultimately, some degree of healing.
As the 15th year since 9/11 approaches, I can only say ... please don't judge.
Just allow them to be, to do, what they must.
My heart aches for these people, still searching.
For anyone who hasn't 'been there' in terms of this type of sudden, violent ripping away of a loved one, and says, 'move on already, do something productive, it's already been 2-1/2 years.' I can only say from experience, it can easily -- easily -- take that long, if not longer, to even truly understand what has happened, that this actually occurred. Shock and PTSD are very real and their undertow can be a psychological tsunami. Now, they are trying take steps that make sense to them. It is all part of their individual road of grief, and hopefully, ultimately, some degree of healing.
As the 15th year since 9/11 approaches, I can only say ... please don't judge.
Just allow them to be, to do, what they must.
114
Thank you for your beautiful, gentle comment. As a survivor of two terrible tragedies, your words touched me deeply. May you have peace.
2
You said that so beautifully... I am so sorry for your loss - I can't even begin to imagine the pain and trauma that you yourself have experienced, and my heart sincerely goes out to you. You are honoring your loved one beautifully by helping others have a better understanding of what this level of trauma and horrific devastation can do to the survivors left in the aftermath... God bless you - I will be thinking about you on 9/11... Stay strong.
1
I am very sorry for your pain.
1
This is absolutely heartbreaking and a testament to love, loss, and determination. I hope these poor souls find peace if not the loved ones they are searching for.
40
I don't know why but when this disaster struck Japan I was emotionally moved more than any other disaster. This story is powerful.
27
One can only imagine what they would be doing if their spouse or child were still unaccounted for. I hope they find the peace they are looking for,
22
this is an exceptional love story. thanks to the times.
37
This mans love for his wife is not in vain. It gives me hope that such love exists and lives on. In this world there is nothing greater. This man tells us that there is hope for us all. This man is true inspiration.
92
The 2011 Tsunami drowned nearly 20,000 people. The media have ignored these deaths and focused on the non-lethal reactor problems at Fukushima. Why? Because they had no video of the 20,000 corpses. Now, these scuba divers provide video, and presto the media are back.
21
There's absolutely no evidence to anything you've said here. One story is not "the media."
2
This story is clearly touching people's hearts. A harder one would be a similar story of a family in Syria. Perhaps this could be a regular NY Times column, about love and loss. A Palestinian family. An Israeli family. An Afghani family. An Iraqi family. An indigenous family losing their land and family members in Indonesia or Peru.
Personalizing loss in this way seems to make it much more powerful.
Personalizing loss in this way seems to make it much more powerful.
30
Heartbreaking. I completely understand why these two families cannot move past the lost of their children. Not having a body to bury is haunting and leaves an emptiness.
49
Doesn't anyone notice that these people need psychological help. They are throwing their lives away for a belief in something that does not exist. Earth will always prevail regardless of our puny efforts at dominion. When Earth takes we have no recourse but to let go.
16
There will always be those who become stuck in complex grief. As I was reading this story, I had Sinead O'Conner's song "Jackie" rotate through my random playlist, and it struck the same chord - some people never move on, they are unable to become unstuck; they even feel it is their duty to persevere, despite the apparent irrationality of their persistence.
This is one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking stories of love I've read. I was moved to tears by the quiet determination to locate their lost ones and continue to honor their memory by dumping meals into the sea and learning to dive in search of remains. If only we could all love so deeply, the world would surely be a much better place.
31
I find it horrible, the voyeuristic impulse to share these grieving people's delusions and mental illness. Thousands of other people who lost loved ones in the tsunami have suffered, grieved, mourned and moved on with their lives.
I hope these people get psychological help immediately.
I hope these people get psychological help immediately.
9
I don't think they're the ones needing mental help. Some of these comments though, yours included, show an incredible lack of sympathy and empathy. It's disturbing reading such heartless comments.
2
They are in deep grief as the 9/11 survivor noted. Perhaps they can benefit from grief counseling, but it's offensive to label it mental illness. What do you know of their culture and beliefs, and complexity of grief?
3
I am deeply touched by the immense love emanating from the people trying to find the bodies of their wife and daughter. We're so used to an orchestration of events that occur after someone's death that their complete disappearance through an act of God makes it nearly impossible to find closure. I wish them the enormous amount of luck that will be required to end their searches. But I believe it is more likely their labors of love are going to be futile. But if there is any dignity to futility, it is being amply demonstrated here.
15
A profoundly heart rending account. I left Tokyo just a few days before the earthquake and tsunami. What struck me was the stoicism of the Japanese people and my Japanese colleagues. Soon after, I attended a Japan Society dinner in support of the victims. They showed a film of the most poignancy. At one point, a Japanese women, in tears, looks at the camera and says, "They said help was on its way." The film then immediately cuts to a U.S. Aircraft Carrier Task Force steaming toward Japan. Stoicism and magnanimity powerfully evoke emotion.
7
I can't imagine anyone would want a survivor to live like this. I wish these people would think, "what would my wife or child want for me"? I think the answer would be happiness, a long life, social engagement and not a shrine to them and a fruitless search for something that is really no longer them.
12
Love can move mountains. Such a tragic tale yet hauntingly beautiful. If the families happen to read this, I wish you love and peace on your journey.
10
This is too tragic and heartbreaking to believe. I hope he's successful.
10
A tale of Heartbreak, distress, hope, community and ways in which an individual searches for peace. My heart goes out to these folks, and I appreciate their courage for sharing their stories- and Ms Percy for writing it so well.
18
These two women are more loved and cherished in death than many people are in life. We hear so much about hatred and violence in the world, and as sad as this story is to read it serves as a reminder of how much love and devotion the human heart is capable of possessing. I hope these two men find the peace and comfort they are looking for.
73
I hope that Westerners who believe that Eastern societies do not care about women will have second thoughts.
Love is older and stronger than feminism.
Love is older and stronger than feminism.
14
Reminds me of the Japanese soldier who hung out in the Phillipine jungle for many many years after the end of the war.
Quite frankly, the story is a bit too touchy-feely for me; years ago, it would have been printed in a touchy-feely women's magazine of old. Thank goodness, we have grown beyond that. While reading the piece, I kept asking myself: What is it in Japanese culture that compels hopeless quests such as this? Is it bottomed on Shinto or Buddhist beliefs? It's well known that Far Eastern cultures include more than a whiff of ancestor worship, in-house altars to their memory are common.
The story doesn't even begin to touch on these fascinating cultural and religious issues. All we get is sob--sob--sob.
I am surprised by the Times carrying this piece, but I'm also aware that the Times Magazine is struggling to find its relevance in today's world.
Quite frankly, the story is a bit too touchy-feely for me; years ago, it would have been printed in a touchy-feely women's magazine of old. Thank goodness, we have grown beyond that. While reading the piece, I kept asking myself: What is it in Japanese culture that compels hopeless quests such as this? Is it bottomed on Shinto or Buddhist beliefs? It's well known that Far Eastern cultures include more than a whiff of ancestor worship, in-house altars to their memory are common.
The story doesn't even begin to touch on these fascinating cultural and religious issues. All we get is sob--sob--sob.
I am surprised by the Times carrying this piece, but I'm also aware that the Times Magazine is struggling to find its relevance in today's world.
7
As someone who spent her formative years in Japan and later studied Japanese history and culture, I can tell you that the line between the world of the living and that of the dead is thinner in Japan than anywhere else I've known. The dead are always present in Japanese homes, enshrined in Buddhist altars where families not only pray but gather to give their ancestors important family news. Whereas Western tradtions separate death from life, Japanese traditions integrate them fully. The reason these two men are still searching for their loved ones is complicated: they want to give them proper cremations and funeral services, but they also want them to return to life. Anyone who has lost a loved one will understand these desires, but Buddhism supports the latter better than Christianity.
175
its based in ancestor worship
th japanese are shinto Buddhist but also w a heavy streak of animism
they believe th souls of their ancestors/loved ones cant rest until their whereabouts are known and certain rituals performed
i know a number of thai and chinese who will never go back to th locations of th Thailand tsunami, bc they believe th souls of th lost dead still linger there
th japanese are shinto Buddhist but also w a heavy streak of animism
they believe th souls of their ancestors/loved ones cant rest until their whereabouts are known and certain rituals performed
i know a number of thai and chinese who will never go back to th locations of th Thailand tsunami, bc they believe th souls of th lost dead still linger there
I was with you right up until you just had to slight Christianity at the end. I have also lived in Japan and studied its history and culture. And I am a Christian. And you are wrong. Please don't criticize things you clearly don't understand.
I'm touched by the thoughtfulness and understanding of the people around these grieving family members. Instead of telling them to "move on" and "be productive," their grief is respected. We should do the same.
I'm touched by the thoughtfulness and understanding of the people around these grieving family members. Instead of telling them to "move on" and "be productive," their grief is respected. We should do the same.
‘I Have No Choice but to Keep Looking’
It was terrible to lose family.
And no one can tell the person, "Just move on."
But what a sad, pathetic life this man now lives.
They could actually their lives to doing something positive in memory of their loved one.
It was terrible to lose family.
And no one can tell the person, "Just move on."
But what a sad, pathetic life this man now lives.
They could actually their lives to doing something positive in memory of their loved one.
8
I hope you're a troll, because the other option - that you're serious - would shatter my faith in humanity.
What a great and moving story.
17
I'm a baby boomer who grew up believing that Japan was an nation of evil people that deserved what they got. Now I'm sitting at my desk in a foundry, choking back tears as I read this story about monumental tragedy, undying love, and a nation grieving once again. The only evil I see now is the demonisation of a people whom I really know so little about.
85
Don't forget that Japanese were put in concentration camps because of the same reasoning you used to have. Today, we have millions of innocent Muslims in our country who could face the same fate as Japanese if we don't thread carefully.
31
Thank you so much for this incredibly poignant story. I was very moved and it reminded me of stories found in Noh (traditional Japanese theatre).
27
Heartbreaking. Beautiful, haunting. Thank you for featuring this story of love, devotion, and hope. In our 24 hour news cycle the disaster strikes and we move swiftly forward leaving the people affected behind. Thank you for featuring this story reminding us of human reality--pain lingers, loss is forever.
116
I am profoundly moved by the love and dedication of Narita and Takamatsu. It makes me reflect on the amount of love I have for my family and friends and my deficiencies in showing it. Thank you, sincerely.
99
You took the words right out of my mouth... (Or keyboard, rather.) I've been getting so caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle of just daily life, all it's nuisances, irritations, the frustrations of always rushing to red light after red light... This article was a massive reality check.
I've often wondered about the victims of this tragically horrifying Tsunami, how they were doing and how they were moving on... You hear so little about it in American news, or maybe it's just the news that I'm privy to.
This article was a heart wrenching read, I sobbed almost uncontrollably paragraph after paragraph, envisioning the heartbreaking agony these poor folks are still living in. What they have seen with their very own eyes is horrific and unimaginable, and the heartbreak they have endure everyday - and will probably have to for the rest of their lives.
I'm so sorry that it took this article to make me realize how much I've been forgetting to be thankful for the people I get to have in my life, who I love and cherish more than I could possibly explain..
Are my kids getting enough of my time and attention..? Do they have any idea what a blessing it is that I get to be their mom? Does my own Mom know how much I appreciate her...? Does my husband know that the mere thought of having to live a life without him literally paralyzes me in fear...?
Probably not... I've been taking it all and all of them for granted... Even the stupid red lights.
Never again.
I've often wondered about the victims of this tragically horrifying Tsunami, how they were doing and how they were moving on... You hear so little about it in American news, or maybe it's just the news that I'm privy to.
This article was a heart wrenching read, I sobbed almost uncontrollably paragraph after paragraph, envisioning the heartbreaking agony these poor folks are still living in. What they have seen with their very own eyes is horrific and unimaginable, and the heartbreak they have endure everyday - and will probably have to for the rest of their lives.
I'm so sorry that it took this article to make me realize how much I've been forgetting to be thankful for the people I get to have in my life, who I love and cherish more than I could possibly explain..
Are my kids getting enough of my time and attention..? Do they have any idea what a blessing it is that I get to be their mom? Does my own Mom know how much I appreciate her...? Does my husband know that the mere thought of having to live a life without him literally paralyzes me in fear...?
Probably not... I've been taking it all and all of them for granted... Even the stupid red lights.
Never again.
1
When my husband died and was cremated, all I wanted was to bring him home. I knew that what was in that urn was not "him", but in the state of new grief, I needed him home with me in the house where we'd lived 20 years. Only now, three years later, am I ready to think about scattering his ashes -- something I need to do because we had no children and when I'm gone no one will care about them. Like the loved ones of the 9/11 dead, I can't imagine losing the one you love and having NOTHING. Until it has happened to you, the idea of a tangible part of them -- a grave to visit, an urn full of ashes -- SOMETHING -- seems silly. My heart hurts for these good people who have not lost hope of having that tangible reminder.
146
It's an expression of their love, and not for us to judge.
160
Thank you for writing such a profoundly moving story- wanting to find something tangible, anything, and be near where your loved one died, I get it.
51
Extraordinary and moving story. Thank you.
28
There is a story in Japanese folklore in which the grief stricken hero contemplates taking his own life because he was not able to protect the life of his brother. The wise man tells him that he must now remember what it is he still has (wife, child , companions) rather than what he has lost. You must turn and face the future at some point.
15
Thank you NY Times for expanding my life, my mind, for learning there is still honor and decency in this world. I feel so awed and humbled . I hope the bodies are found and if not, a piece of jewelry or something that they will know belonged to their loved ones. The search itself is holy and may it be blessed as it is all life on this planet compressed and humans this time are the stars.
66
While reading this I had a sense of respect and compassion. Not only are they risking their lives diving in to dangerous currents and in water that may not be clear, but they are doing this because of love. These men lost their loved ones in the worst way possible. I feel very sorry about the whole situation. They are still searching after two and a half years, it just shows how much they want to find their loved ones. I also have a sense of respect towards the diving instructor for helping in the situation. This article showed me how something major can happen in a blink of an eye and that love can help anyone through any situation.
72
In our rituals we show our humanity and our connection to other people and all things. Most of the rituals of the western world have become hollow and meaningless, but that doesnt mean other rituals - and the rituals of others - are also meaningless.
Husband, I love you, but do not do this for me. Teach someone, help someone, love again, rededicate your life to what it is you can do. Do not endlessly seek me in the waves; I am not there. The best of me is there inside of you.
255
Also: parents, I love you, but do not send me lunch in the sea. I won't be able to eat it anyway. Instead, feed a hungry person (or animal) with it. It will make me happier and will spread good in a world that needs it.
3
The death of your child is the destruction of your future, worse than your own death. Keeping your offspring alive is the most important job of a human being.
23
These Japanese suffered from the tsunami first and then a nuclear disaster, but they remain strong and hopeful even today. This reminds me of Hurricane Katrina...
7
This was very moving, an extraordinary story of love and hope. I have to thank these families for sharing it. And send them good thoughts and more hope.
36
Thank you for this beautiful and heartbreaking article.
23
after all these years there will be nothing left except maybe for some bones, which have been no doubt scattered and deformed by predators and ocean currents
7
Treatment for depression takes many forms . . .
11
One feels sorry for these people, but their efforts here are a waste of time and resources. Why attach so much significance to physical things, including a body? Their loved ones are dead, the body was only a vessel. They should get some counseling and move on with their lives, doing something productive and worthwhile that benefits the living.
47
Who are any of us to say it is a "waste of time and resources" to search for the love of your life? What would be more productive is to build a society that positively supports these people instead of a society that casts immediate judgment. By sharing their stories of diligence and love, these families have moved me . I would call that a benefit to the living.
245
They can do what they want and I pray they find peace, but they aren't going to find their loved ones. I've no right to judge what anyone should do, but there are plenty of options in an area as devastated as the Fukushima region.
3
Humans have been going to great lengths to provide elaborate burials for their loved ones since before we were Homo Sapiens. It is who we are. We do not simply walk away from the bodies of those we loved.
17
So sad yet beautiful. There is hope for humanity.
10
The loyalty and utter decency exhibited by these men and those that support them is stunning in its love. Peace.
63
A beautiful and heartbreaking story, it will stay with me. Thank you for publishing.
26
Thank you for sharing this beautiful and heartbreaking report. I'll remember this one for quite some time.
17
This is sick. One should not wear grief like a silken banner left to flutter in the breeze of every passer-by, but rather air it out, let the sun shine on it, fold it up, and put it in a safe place. This couple badly needs some counseling.
15
Nor should one wear their callousness on their sleeve...
54
Urging counseling when it's so clearly needed is compassion. There is nothing noble about embodying grief. Letting it go is hard, but urging the difficult work is better than romanticizing public suffering.
8
If no one asked Mr. Takamatsu why he was doing what he is, they would never know his motivation for diving in ice cold water.
So how is that he is "wearing grief like a silken banner" if no one can see it?
Different people handle grief in different ways. If this is how Mr. Takamatsu expresses his love, it harms no one.
I admire people like him, they remind me that there are some feelings beyond words that can only be explained in actions like his.
So how is that he is "wearing grief like a silken banner" if no one can see it?
Different people handle grief in different ways. If this is how Mr. Takamatsu expresses his love, it harms no one.
I admire people like him, they remind me that there are some feelings beyond words that can only be explained in actions like his.
30
This is so sad and so beautiful. A deeply moving story, beautifully captured.
24
May you all find comfort.
135
Hope they can find their beloved ones and close the circle.
I have a profound respect for them, incredible courage to continue this quest.
What a story.
I have a profound respect for them, incredible courage to continue this quest.
What a story.
19
Unbounded love and unending desire to connect again, with the one we love. How utterly moving!
32
Deeply saddening, but also deeply uplifting to read about these extraordinary human beings. A warm salute to their love, their inspiring humanity. May their quest lead to success without harm to them, so they may be able to touch their beloved kin just one more time.
119
An exceptionally well written piece on the things that make us human, thank you for this story.
43
We take it for granted that tomorrow comes. We take it for granted that tomorrow comes. We take it for granted that tomorrow comes. We take it for granted that tomorrow comes. We take it for granted that tomorrow comes. We take it for granted that tomorrow comes. We take it for granted that tomorrow comes. We take it for granted that tomorrow comes.
AMEN
AMEN
5
Ouch!
I hope someday those families can somehow come to terms with this tragedy and find some peace.
It's clear however that this event will follow many of the survivors to their own graves.
I hope someday those families can somehow come to terms with this tragedy and find some peace.
It's clear however that this event will follow many of the survivors to their own graves.
3
The sorrow of this event is so profound, but the decency of the Japanese people and companies somehow makes it palatable. To hear how the phone company brought a phone as an offering to help a mother mourn, or how the dive commander showed the footage of the dive with respect for the goals of the bereaved - it really emphasizes a sense of humanity, and the shared suffering of the entire nation.
375
You are right. Can you imagine that 70 years ago (and really, much longer than that), this was a nation characterised by its utter brutality and racism? What changed?
I don't want to say that a nuclear weapon changed that. I don't know enough.
I don't want to say that a nuclear weapon changed that. I don't know enough.
1
Michael, I trust you were there 70 years ago....
5
I cannot begin to imagine the pain and hope that one must have to continue a mission like this. Extraordinary
89
God sure works in mysterious ways! The randomness built into life does not support an agent 'with a plan.'
5
I take it that you are joking, right?
To say this story is humbling, is a complete understatement.
154
The bonds of love can not be broken.
75
Honor is alive and well. I wish them success in finding their loved ones.
66