Relax
Even if your kid accidentally or consciously decided to see some "perverted" porn, that doesn't necessarily mean he's ruined. Your kid is so much more resilient.
Teach them good virtues like moderation, love, empathy, patience, and others so that even if he makes mistakes he can come back on his own. Seriously, give them tools that they can use when they are in hardship or in wrong rather than trying to guide them every single way.
Our culture wants to dictate everything and control everything.
Even if your kid accidentally or consciously decided to see some "perverted" porn, that doesn't necessarily mean he's ruined. Your kid is so much more resilient.
Teach them good virtues like moderation, love, empathy, patience, and others so that even if he makes mistakes he can come back on his own. Seriously, give them tools that they can use when they are in hardship or in wrong rather than trying to guide them every single way.
Our culture wants to dictate everything and control everything.
82
Sex, pornography, in American society?
It seems Americans view sex in a way similar to drugs and alcohol: It must be regulated to point of almost prohibition, narrowed and associated with love and marriage and raising a family. Apparently the more sex is allowed and the more pornography flourishes, the more we are on a slippery slope to degradation and violence. Apparently increase of sex is similar to increase of cocaine--we want more and will even resort to violence to get more.
But is any of this factual? Certainly some people get addicted to drugs. Certainly many people overeat (we can argue interestingly pretty clearly toward regulation of food). But sex? Sex is extremely interesting because unlike food and alcohol and drugs the distribution of such is extremely unfair in the first place. How many people get the man or woman they really desire? How many people are left by society with little sexual satisfaction at all?
Pornography interestingly can be seen as an attempt to fairly distribute that which is unfairly distributed in the first place--an attempt to have every person with equal share of whichever person desired and in any way desired. And this leads to violence, degradation? How much so and in which cases? And how is this worse than many people not getting a fair share of sex in the first place?
If porn leads to violence it could be in similar sense to revolution in politics being born of downtrodden really seeing what they are missing in life...
It seems Americans view sex in a way similar to drugs and alcohol: It must be regulated to point of almost prohibition, narrowed and associated with love and marriage and raising a family. Apparently the more sex is allowed and the more pornography flourishes, the more we are on a slippery slope to degradation and violence. Apparently increase of sex is similar to increase of cocaine--we want more and will even resort to violence to get more.
But is any of this factual? Certainly some people get addicted to drugs. Certainly many people overeat (we can argue interestingly pretty clearly toward regulation of food). But sex? Sex is extremely interesting because unlike food and alcohol and drugs the distribution of such is extremely unfair in the first place. How many people get the man or woman they really desire? How many people are left by society with little sexual satisfaction at all?
Pornography interestingly can be seen as an attempt to fairly distribute that which is unfairly distributed in the first place--an attempt to have every person with equal share of whichever person desired and in any way desired. And this leads to violence, degradation? How much so and in which cases? And how is this worse than many people not getting a fair share of sex in the first place?
If porn leads to violence it could be in similar sense to revolution in politics being born of downtrodden really seeing what they are missing in life...
10
Porn is not only destructive to children, it is equally destructve to adults. Drugs would not be so harmful except that as time passes it takes a higher and higher dose to get the same high. Porn is the same way. A little satisfies at first but, as with drugs, as time passes, it takes more and more nastiness to bring on that Initial stimulation. We should endeavor to always think about the good things in life ; things that build us up, not tear us down.
20
If this were remotely true, wouldn't everyone get bored of plain vanilla sex?
28
Pornography is an idea best beaten by another idea... and not much else. Efforts to control such a hugely popular industry will only drive it underground, where it came from. How will that help?
5
Seriously? "Dark reaches of human psyche"? Lady, you're crazy. Sex is normal, sex is enjoyable by everybody. What business is it of yours what your neighbors enjoy in the privacy of their own home? What's next, a pool hall in River City? Oh, the humanity.
We are not the first generation to raise children. Prohibition doesn't work. Forbidden fruit tastes the best. You teach your kids to consume anything- food, computer time, exercise- in moderation. You teach your children self control, you do not attempt to control everyone else in the world.
We are not the first generation to raise children. Prohibition doesn't work. Forbidden fruit tastes the best. You teach your kids to consume anything- food, computer time, exercise- in moderation. You teach your children self control, you do not attempt to control everyone else in the world.
57
I think I was about 8 when I found my dad's playboys under his mattress. I thought the women all looked so beautiful, their nakedness went right over my head.
At dinner one night my dad asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. When it was my turn I beamed with a big smile on my face and proudly proclaimed, "I want to be a playboy bunny!"
My older siblings all did a spit take and my mom just glared at my dad. I had no idea why.
At dinner one night my dad asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. When it was my turn I beamed with a big smile on my face and proudly proclaimed, "I want to be a playboy bunny!"
My older siblings all did a spit take and my mom just glared at my dad. I had no idea why.
75
Everybody has a favorite hobby horse: for some it's porn, for some it's railing against porn.
17
I am 72, writing a book about aging. It is conventional wisdom that old women are not generally the object of sexual desire, unless it is gerontophilia. Just curious, I googled "Granny Porn." Right there was a full screen of options. I did not have to go on any particular website, or do anything besides click. I am a liberal, and I am not happy with this situation.
14
FTC should go after COPPA violators here with stiff penalties.
Any porn sites knowingly collecting personal info (age-gating is a joke, but they are collecting IP addresses and other data that count as personal info) from 10 through 12 year olds (that knowledge could come from behavioral tracking to kids sites), should be prosecuted severely enough to serve as a deterrent.
Each violation times $40,000 penalty per violation. 1000 violations = $40 million, etc. No First Amendment defense here.
Any porn sites knowingly collecting personal info (age-gating is a joke, but they are collecting IP addresses and other data that count as personal info) from 10 through 12 year olds (that knowledge could come from behavioral tracking to kids sites), should be prosecuted severely enough to serve as a deterrent.
Each violation times $40,000 penalty per violation. 1000 violations = $40 million, etc. No First Amendment defense here.
13
My concerns regarding pornography focus on ensuring the people making the videos enjoy the rights of performers in any genre. I do not abhor what they do as long as they genuinely choose to do it. I detest any instance when they are forced into involuntary servitude because they have, in my view, committed no crime and they surely have not been duly convicted of any crime. Thus, like all citizens, and for that matter all humans, they should not be impressed into involuntary servitude aka slavery. Beyond this concern for the human rights of the performers, I do not support any anti-porn efforts. Even what I advocate is not anti-porn it is anti-slavery.
9
Internet porn seems to me the perfect avatar of the unregulated free market that republicans like to worship and adore.
I am a pot smoking, liberal, old white male who believes pretty much in letting people "do their own thing", as long as it doesn't harm another.
I do not believe that children should smoke pot or view porn on the internet. I do what I can to discourage kids in my life from getting into adult risky behavior, but I know that kids will do what kids have always done. Try to get away with whatever they can get away with.
Maybe, as a society, we could all just agree that there are some regulations on the free market that we could all accept as good for US all.
Pornography included.
I am a pot smoking, liberal, old white male who believes pretty much in letting people "do their own thing", as long as it doesn't harm another.
I do not believe that children should smoke pot or view porn on the internet. I do what I can to discourage kids in my life from getting into adult risky behavior, but I know that kids will do what kids have always done. Try to get away with whatever they can get away with.
Maybe, as a society, we could all just agree that there are some regulations on the free market that we could all accept as good for US all.
Pornography included.
41
I am an American progressive and have spent thirty years on some of the country's best universities' campuses but still one must be able to acknowledge that nothing highlights the left's and the academy's hypocrisy and obsession with "correct" semantic nonsense more than pornography. We defended Andres Serrano's "Piss Christ" - what would we have said if it was Martin Luther King in the image - and the "art" of Robert Mapplethorpe but assault pornography, especially images of bondage, as vile and unworthy of first amendment protection. OK. But don't claim to have consistent principles. We all learn the code - much of it here at the Times - what is "hate speech" and what is humor (hate speech attacks a group but when the Times writes about sorority sisters [see the NYTimes: "Greek Letters at a Price," October 28, 2014] or attacks traditional lifestyles [e.g., "Buccaneers Offer Women a Modern N.F.L. Lesson Out of the ’50s," August 6, 2015] now that's funny! Ms. Sculevitz apologizes to Ms. Gore a little late and a little too insincerely, I think, and the left dodges its own double standards too easily with regard to pornography, free speech, and sexual expression.
38
It is a problem, especially for children. Vulnerable girls are at risk for being asked for nude selfies, and having those distributed without their consent. Nancy Jo Sales writes about this in American Girls. My review and overview of American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers is at
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-pacific-heart/201604/sense-and-...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-pacific-heart/201604/sense-and-...
25
Why do Judith Shulevitz's teenagers want to watch porn? What do they tell her about their reasons for porn consumption? Would she attempt to shame them for finding certain images and scenarios arousing? Clearly she finds certain acts between consenting adults be to "weird" and "outré," but a diaper fetish seems rather innocent and totally harmless, and in New York State, it is wholly lawful for women to be publicly topless. Does Ms. Shulevitz also think the public display of women's breasts is also something liberal need to worry about? In any event, I don't want Ms. Shulevitz or any other modern-day missionaries determining what type of sex is o.k. and what is not, like some 18th century Jesuit missionaries.
My first exposure to porn was at age 5 in 1975, viewed in a magazine in a barbershop. It was entrancing, but damaging? I don't think so.
There is a border line hysteria about the evils of porn, but a lot less about the actual damage being done (and anecdotal stories are insufficient absent rigorous cross-sectional studies of a large cohort of porn consumers over decades).
My first exposure to porn was at age 5 in 1975, viewed in a magazine in a barbershop. It was entrancing, but damaging? I don't think so.
There is a border line hysteria about the evils of porn, but a lot less about the actual damage being done (and anecdotal stories are insufficient absent rigorous cross-sectional studies of a large cohort of porn consumers over decades).
45
I am a liberal and freaked out by porn. In fact, I had one of those moments when one of my children made a comment that led me to suspect he had visited a porn site. Full on freak out - lecture about respect, porn is bad, objectifying women and men, sex reduced to merely a physical act, etc etc etc. A little over the top, perhaps, but my point was made and the conversation started. It is impossible to monitor internet use without standing over them 24/7. I hope that my freak out and long conversation made it clear that porn is unacceptable. The conversation is not easy but it needs to be had by everyone - parents, teachers, clergy, evveryone who has an opportunity to influence children.
84
Of course one wonders whether your "full on freak out" will actually lead your child to a deeper understanding of what they were viewing, or will just lead to a sense of shame about sex and their sexual desires. You can at least temporarily stop your children from watching porn, but at what psychological cost?
24
But, Playboy...
Thank you for writing a responsible reflection on a genuine issue. For all the liberal folks who think the human body is not something to be ashamed of (oh, you Puritans...), I would ask every Liberal to consider what we are communicating in our embrace of libertinism. It is more often the objectification of women that stands behind the thin layer of "art" in nude photography (whether PornHub or Sports Illustrated).
I am comforted that some in the Liberal wing of our politics now understand the connection between the hyper-sexuality of our culture, and its connection with what we consider to be a legal standard for rape and consent; but most of you prefer to remain silent and hand out birth control and try to silence the prudes. The pornography is not encouraging misbehavior, you say. Sex is part of life and not something to be stopped except to prevent pregnancy.
We could all do well to take a chill, shame the pornography crowd, and try to understand why all of this is a rot in our culture; but we are too busy pursuing our individual liberties and turning Conservatives into the "judgment and piety" class.
Perhaps we could all be a bit more loving. And a bit more judgmental.
Thank you for writing a responsible reflection on a genuine issue. For all the liberal folks who think the human body is not something to be ashamed of (oh, you Puritans...), I would ask every Liberal to consider what we are communicating in our embrace of libertinism. It is more often the objectification of women that stands behind the thin layer of "art" in nude photography (whether PornHub or Sports Illustrated).
I am comforted that some in the Liberal wing of our politics now understand the connection between the hyper-sexuality of our culture, and its connection with what we consider to be a legal standard for rape and consent; but most of you prefer to remain silent and hand out birth control and try to silence the prudes. The pornography is not encouraging misbehavior, you say. Sex is part of life and not something to be stopped except to prevent pregnancy.
We could all do well to take a chill, shame the pornography crowd, and try to understand why all of this is a rot in our culture; but we are too busy pursuing our individual liberties and turning Conservatives into the "judgment and piety" class.
Perhaps we could all be a bit more loving. And a bit more judgmental.
8
I'm having trouble connecting the actual contents of this article with the purported theme. Shulevitz discusses possible solutions to the problem of porn and concludes that it is a very difficult problem that government action really can't fix, meaning that parents and families must work closely with their kids to instill the right attitudes and behaviors. Yet somehow this all leads to a condemnation of "liberals" for--what exactly? Reaching the same conclusion as Shulevitz? Apparently Shulevitz doesn't actually disagree with the policies advocated by liberals; she just wishes they would wring their hands more.
6
For years, I have said we need to redesign the internet. I repeat that. The internet can be redesigned to make it safer. Do not believe those (who are in the majority) who say it cannot be done. For heaven's sake, we put a man on the moon in 1969. We can redesign the internet to make it safer.
We can also alter the first amendment, and repeal the second amendment. Neither are laws of physics.
I agree with Judith Shulevitz that we need to prevent our children from watching internet porn. We would have a better chance of doing that if we fundamentally changed the internet.
My biggest issue with the internet, as it now stands, relates to security and privacy. Today, cyber criminals have the upper hand, and we keep playing defense, and keep losing.
Does anyone actually think our esteemed Founding Fathers had any idea that the First Amendment would enable our enemies?
Consider this: without the internet as it is today, there would be no internet porn. Nor would ISIS, as we know it, exist.
We can also alter the first amendment, and repeal the second amendment. Neither are laws of physics.
I agree with Judith Shulevitz that we need to prevent our children from watching internet porn. We would have a better chance of doing that if we fundamentally changed the internet.
My biggest issue with the internet, as it now stands, relates to security and privacy. Today, cyber criminals have the upper hand, and we keep playing defense, and keep losing.
Does anyone actually think our esteemed Founding Fathers had any idea that the First Amendment would enable our enemies?
Consider this: without the internet as it is today, there would be no internet porn. Nor would ISIS, as we know it, exist.
7
I don't care if people look at porn but when they do it I want them to realize that they are doing something that is messed up, particularly because the purveyors of porn, like the models, do it for all the wrong reasons, like to feed drug habits. They aren't interested in the art of it. Picassos they are not. The distributors are worse, borderline criminals who take advantage of their models downtroddeness.
BTW, how many purveyors of porn, which for the most part seems to be an underground industry, file lawful tax returns?
BTW, how many purveyors of porn, which for the most part seems to be an underground industry, file lawful tax returns?
10
A very interesting discussion of the addictive nature of hard core pornography:
“Acquiring Tastes and Loves
What Neuroplasticity Teaches Us
About Sexual Attraction and Love”
Excerpt From: Doidge, Norman. “The Brain That Changes Itself.” Penguin, 2014-12-18. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itun.es/us/N_yvv.l
“Acquiring Tastes and Loves
What Neuroplasticity Teaches Us
About Sexual Attraction and Love”
Excerpt From: Doidge, Norman. “The Brain That Changes Itself.” Penguin, 2014-12-18. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itun.es/us/N_yvv.l
3
I'm a progressive and I freak out about porn. I am NOT, however, a proponent of censorship.
5
We had our first problem with boys (son plus guests) accessing porn on our home internet in 4th grade. When questioned son said he had learned about it from a kid with a handheld wifi device at the very expensive day camp we sent him to over a Christmas vacation. The risk is different than when I was looking at my fathers playboy (see Internet for detail on that).... We have the porn restrictions on our home router now - not the devices...and so does the school. But you have to raise children right and talk about sexuality, intimacy and why porn is a problem. ....I told my son I would always support the sports illustrated swimsuit issue and he said " those are swimsuits?".....then there is the high school sexting... Lots of new challenges in today's parenting but the old methods of spending time talking with your kids are still the best!
11
Is this going to be another Tipper Gore thing? Why can't people just do a better job of parenting? I know! Let's get Trumperman to fly around the Earth "really fast" and turn back time.
1
The reason that the Republican Party mainstream politicians got hammered by Donald Trump, is that their base no longer believed anything that they said. A constant diet of Religiosity, trickle down economics and wrapping themselves in the flag eventually quit paying political dividends. Now these same people are trotting out a new "War on Pornography" as if this will energize the base. What they should be doing is coming out with sound economic plans to address the income disparity in this country. Don't hold your breath waiting for this to happen.
6
Except for the guy that Trumplestiltskin chose represents everything you say the Republicant primary electorate repudiated. Is Trumplestiltskin pandering, or backpedaling?
3
Wait: is there evidence that porn is a public health problem? I know this isn't a question concerning the Republican Party, but the rest of us should expect evidence backing these claims.
6
Somehow, it seems churlish of the GOP to add an anti-porn plank to their platform when their front- runner is an obscenity-spewing accused rapist. In fact, any GOP claims to morality, honesty and capability ring false as long as Trump heads their ticket. Yet evangelicals flock to him. To paraphrase PT Barnum, there's a sucker born again every minute.
27
"It’s O.K., Liberal Parents, You Can Freak Out About Porn"
I wasn't going to read this piece. The headline made it sound like some typical right wing diatribe about human eroticism, aka: Sex.
Well. Sort of.
It seems to me that for the last century or so all the old sexual mores have been slipping into the historical ash can. Super. Bout time. Religion, parents, government and society in general. It was all about control anyway. Not establishing a firm foundation of understanding for one of the most important.....and powerful drives we smooth apes have.
Get past the embarrassment of talking to your children about sex. And don't just talk about the dangers and pitfalls. Talk about the fun stuff too. After all your kid wouldn't be there if you and your partner hadn't been trying out all the fun stuff yourself.
But mostly don't even begun to think that you are an expert just cause you had babies. But there are those who are experts and you should try them out. Try on the concept of cradle to grave sex education. And the full funding to continue the research of our ever evolving sex drives.
Curiosity about body parts and such will always be with us. Hot fun and procreation: ditto. Get over the urge to control. Think positive about sex.
After all; it's fun!
I wasn't going to read this piece. The headline made it sound like some typical right wing diatribe about human eroticism, aka: Sex.
Well. Sort of.
It seems to me that for the last century or so all the old sexual mores have been slipping into the historical ash can. Super. Bout time. Religion, parents, government and society in general. It was all about control anyway. Not establishing a firm foundation of understanding for one of the most important.....and powerful drives we smooth apes have.
Get past the embarrassment of talking to your children about sex. And don't just talk about the dangers and pitfalls. Talk about the fun stuff too. After all your kid wouldn't be there if you and your partner hadn't been trying out all the fun stuff yourself.
But mostly don't even begun to think that you are an expert just cause you had babies. But there are those who are experts and you should try them out. Try on the concept of cradle to grave sex education. And the full funding to continue the research of our ever evolving sex drives.
Curiosity about body parts and such will always be with us. Hot fun and procreation: ditto. Get over the urge to control. Think positive about sex.
After all; it's fun!
15
I'm sure dealing with the easy access to pornography is a serious challenge for parents. However, I don't believe it's something that needs to be addressed in the Republican or Democratic platform. There are many more pressing concerns and issues that need to be addressed by our Federal government. By including it in their platform, the Republicans are just attempting to moralize and interfere in everyone's private life. I'd rather have a secular government, rather than a Republican Evangelical Christian nation.
15
Controlling access to some "data" (Top Secret/Classified, financial data, porn, etc) is well understood technically. It's not a lack of "political will to work on the problem", as Mr Shirky states.
In engineering terms it involves identification, authentication, and non-repudiation (of all parties). If that sounds like Big Brother running inside of every smartphone, computer, and server; it is. It's also economically not scalable. It's why social media companies take no responsibility for filtering what gets uploaded to their sites.
Children visit porn sites because they have questions about sex that aren't answered at home, in the schools, or anywhere else in the more circumspect realms of US society.
Mr Shirky is not "just lucky" that his 12 and 15 year old aren't. I suspect his "back-up strategy" (intentional or not) was having art books, novels, and media in his household that exposed his children to more healthy depictions of nudity, and authors that discussed, at length, the emotional side of sex, and they can recognize internet porn for what it is. Not "real".
In engineering terms it involves identification, authentication, and non-repudiation (of all parties). If that sounds like Big Brother running inside of every smartphone, computer, and server; it is. It's also economically not scalable. It's why social media companies take no responsibility for filtering what gets uploaded to their sites.
Children visit porn sites because they have questions about sex that aren't answered at home, in the schools, or anywhere else in the more circumspect realms of US society.
Mr Shirky is not "just lucky" that his 12 and 15 year old aren't. I suspect his "back-up strategy" (intentional or not) was having art books, novels, and media in his household that exposed his children to more healthy depictions of nudity, and authors that discussed, at length, the emotional side of sex, and they can recognize internet porn for what it is. Not "real".
2
I think it's perfectly okay to be kinda angry about porn. And concerned about your kids watching it; if nothing else, as Dr. DRew usedta point out, porn raises the ante for sexual stimulation and keeps raising it.
However, claiming that none of the filters work is just silly. Anybody who works in a public institution knows that Barracuda et al block sites like crazy.
And sorry, parents, and it's unfortunate, but it is in fact kinda your job to talk to your kids about this stuff, learn enough to check in on their usages from time to time, and shut 'em down.
Not to mention that if they actively work to sneak around your orders, well, yank their computer and their phone.
They'll survive. Most of us got by without.
But if you really wanna be upset, consider two things:
1. We've sexualized the regular media like crazy.
2. In a lot of Europe, they fuss less about porn. They fuss about violent imagery.
However, claiming that none of the filters work is just silly. Anybody who works in a public institution knows that Barracuda et al block sites like crazy.
And sorry, parents, and it's unfortunate, but it is in fact kinda your job to talk to your kids about this stuff, learn enough to check in on their usages from time to time, and shut 'em down.
Not to mention that if they actively work to sneak around your orders, well, yank their computer and their phone.
They'll survive. Most of us got by without.
But if you really wanna be upset, consider two things:
1. We've sexualized the regular media like crazy.
2. In a lot of Europe, they fuss less about porn. They fuss about violent imagery.
22
Let's face it porn is big business. We see it everyday on television.. The obscenity of violence and corruption but no one seems to care. In fact there is more and make of it coming. Women are told that programs and movies that depict them as oversexed hellions are empowering. Women hungry for something that looks like power seem to believe it. Sadly all it does is prove the awful stereotypes men love to use to demean and oppress women.
I don't care what people watch and I fear those who wish to control others viewing and reading habits but someone has to give the other side of this swamp. That's freedom of speech....the other side of the story needs to be told.
An old sign from the 60s. I think says: Pornography is not empowering. That's right it's explosive.
But Porn is more than sex...its violence and corruption.
I don't care what people watch and I fear those who wish to control others viewing and reading habits but someone has to give the other side of this swamp. That's freedom of speech....the other side of the story needs to be told.
An old sign from the 60s. I think says: Pornography is not empowering. That's right it's explosive.
But Porn is more than sex...its violence and corruption.
22
"Porn is the theory, rape is the practice," said by a knowledgable feminist.
I agree with the conservatives on this one. Pornography is absolutely a public health crisis
I agree with the conservatives on this one. Pornography is absolutely a public health crisis
61
Once upon a time (in fact, for most of time), the rite of passage at puberty meant something other than envelopes stuffed with cash. "Children" became adults when they became able, physically, to bear or father a child of their own.
I'm not sure if in our more "civilized" time where we infantilize teenagers (or, in the more modern -- and relatively newly created -- parlance, adolescents), we haven't cause as many new problems as we've allegedly solved by extending childhood (and don't get me started on how we've also infantilized ourselves).
Perhaps we've gone a bit too far with our overweening concern about teens and sex and should go a whole lot further in educating our youth, at the point when they are first able to reason and think, about "grown-up" things like sex and responsibility.
'Course, that would mean we'd also have to be able to think like grow-ups ourselves in the way we deal with sex. And all one need do is look at not just the vast amount of porn on the internet but all the bathroom humor, giggling (dare I say, adolescent) approach to sex stuff and glaring amounts of hypocrisy if one were only prepared to honestly discuss sex stuff. Like, and this is one issue the author completely ignores, the most favored type of pornography on the internet --- see, for the answer, the NY Times bestseller, "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" -- that revelation will offer an entirely different and unsettling perspective regarding teens and sex.
I'm not sure if in our more "civilized" time where we infantilize teenagers (or, in the more modern -- and relatively newly created -- parlance, adolescents), we haven't cause as many new problems as we've allegedly solved by extending childhood (and don't get me started on how we've also infantilized ourselves).
Perhaps we've gone a bit too far with our overweening concern about teens and sex and should go a whole lot further in educating our youth, at the point when they are first able to reason and think, about "grown-up" things like sex and responsibility.
'Course, that would mean we'd also have to be able to think like grow-ups ourselves in the way we deal with sex. And all one need do is look at not just the vast amount of porn on the internet but all the bathroom humor, giggling (dare I say, adolescent) approach to sex stuff and glaring amounts of hypocrisy if one were only prepared to honestly discuss sex stuff. Like, and this is one issue the author completely ignores, the most favored type of pornography on the internet --- see, for the answer, the NY Times bestseller, "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" -- that revelation will offer an entirely different and unsettling perspective regarding teens and sex.
8
The dissemination of porn and jokes, isn't that why the Internet was invented in the first place?
8
Hard core warps the viewer. How could it not? We are what we learning. And if the viewer has no other frame of reference, i.e. children, then the damage is deep and lasting.
26
Only one answer. Sex ed and birth control. Take the mystery and allure from porn.
16
This essay is too political and too narrow in its concerns. An obsession with pornography is bad for a child's development sexually, socially, and psychologically. Casual viewing of porn is normal. Obsession is not. Parents who do not understand this are doing a disservice to their sons, who are virtually always the ones who develop the problem.
9
I consider myself a liberal, Judith, and proud of it. I tend to hang out with liberals and read liberal commentary. OK, OK, I narrow my perspective except for the rare occasions when I wander fearfully into Ross Douthat territory.
My point, however, is that I know nobody among my friends or associates who is anything but revolted by the humanity-degrading assault of pornography and the vile criminality that it spawns. Suggestions that "we" liberals are porn apologists is less vile than porn itself, but not by much.
www.endthemadnessnow.org
My point, however, is that I know nobody among my friends or associates who is anything but revolted by the humanity-degrading assault of pornography and the vile criminality that it spawns. Suggestions that "we" liberals are porn apologists is less vile than porn itself, but not by much.
www.endthemadnessnow.org
72
Free porn, appealing but loveless and removed from commitment, is now the primary educator of kids about what sex is about. This is a huge problem. Worse than shouting "fire" in a crowded hall. This has nothing to do with conservative or liberal.
13
Did you ever read the Karma Sutra? Sex can be as enjoyable as food, and you don't need to eat the same dish every day. Love and commitment may be important values in sex to you personally, but you must recognize that others have a different views.
3
I'm tired of liberals pretending that lots of things aren't problems. And I used to consider myself a liberal.
I'm tired of subsidizing baby-making by people who won't rear their children to be productive citizens -- who are polite, study hard in school, and assume adult responsibilities at the usual age; but who instead hang out, commit crimes, murder one another, and make more babies. At one point, genes count, and paying for the least intellectual and the least hardworking to procreate seems pretty stupid.
And I'm tired of political correctness carried to extremes. Colleges bending over backwards to assuage the feelings of those wounded by "micro-aggressions"; forcing formerly quiet, safe communities to build housing for dysfunctional, too-often criminal elements; releasing violent offenders from jail; saying it's understandable that men urinate against walls and hedges; refusing to call out Islamic extremism for what it is -- it's no wonder that Donald Trump, a know-nothing opportunist and con-artist if ever there was one, has a following.
Which isn't to say that George W. Bush's twisted foray into Iraq isn't responsible for much of what ails us. Which isn't to say that having a single-payer healthcare system and keeping a ceiling on drug prices isn't the way to go. And which isn't to say that we don't need to get guns off our inner-city streets, and armories out of white America's basements.
So pornography caters to the stupid and coarsens sensibilities. Duh.
I'm tired of subsidizing baby-making by people who won't rear their children to be productive citizens -- who are polite, study hard in school, and assume adult responsibilities at the usual age; but who instead hang out, commit crimes, murder one another, and make more babies. At one point, genes count, and paying for the least intellectual and the least hardworking to procreate seems pretty stupid.
And I'm tired of political correctness carried to extremes. Colleges bending over backwards to assuage the feelings of those wounded by "micro-aggressions"; forcing formerly quiet, safe communities to build housing for dysfunctional, too-often criminal elements; releasing violent offenders from jail; saying it's understandable that men urinate against walls and hedges; refusing to call out Islamic extremism for what it is -- it's no wonder that Donald Trump, a know-nothing opportunist and con-artist if ever there was one, has a following.
Which isn't to say that George W. Bush's twisted foray into Iraq isn't responsible for much of what ails us. Which isn't to say that having a single-payer healthcare system and keeping a ceiling on drug prices isn't the way to go. And which isn't to say that we don't need to get guns off our inner-city streets, and armories out of white America's basements.
So pornography caters to the stupid and coarsens sensibilities. Duh.
9
The only two people I see here claiming liberals are "OK" with young kids viewing extreme porn are the author of the article, and you.
And claiming that only dumb people watch porn is laughable. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11476880/Judges-dis...
And claiming that only dumb people watch porn is laughable. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11476880/Judges-dis...
2
I grew up in a straitlaced, puritanical household in which I had no access whatsoever to racy images, let alone to pornography. I was taught to beiieve that sexual desire was a form of human weakness, and that the naked human form was shameful.
As an adult, I found the human genitalia, male and female, physically revolting to behold — and the smell/taste of the real thing close up, ugh!
Only when, a few years back, as a very mature adult, I started to peep with horrified fascination at online porn, fairly tame at that, did I begin very slowly to recognise that human genitals come in all sizes, shapes and colours.
Equally slowly, my visceral revulsion at the images began to decrease. I should now rate my aversion to such imagery as mild to moderate, rather than strong as before.
I believe that exposure to images of a wide variety of human genitals is an essential part of sex education in a civil society. Further, to be effective, it should start at a young age in class lessons at school about human and comparative animal anatomy.
As an adult, I found the human genitalia, male and female, physically revolting to behold — and the smell/taste of the real thing close up, ugh!
Only when, a few years back, as a very mature adult, I started to peep with horrified fascination at online porn, fairly tame at that, did I begin very slowly to recognise that human genitals come in all sizes, shapes and colours.
Equally slowly, my visceral revulsion at the images began to decrease. I should now rate my aversion to such imagery as mild to moderate, rather than strong as before.
I believe that exposure to images of a wide variety of human genitals is an essential part of sex education in a civil society. Further, to be effective, it should start at a young age in class lessons at school about human and comparative animal anatomy.
11
The American obsession with porn is a direct result of the American repression of sex. If we can ever have a more open society with regards to sex, some of this issue will fall away.
Also worth noting that this article is rather short on the actual harms of viewing pornography.
Also worth noting that this article is rather short on the actual harms of viewing pornography.
138
A silly subject to get yourself too worked up about, it's just sex, kids will find it as they always have.
Next.....
Next.....
23
Some people just don't get it.
Porn that one commonly encounters on the internet so denigrates women that any man or boy who watches it and uses any bit of what he sees to shape his sexual relations with women is bound to discover he has none. Only a very sick masochist would put up with the sexual abuse dished out to women in typical Internet porn. Porn is bad for women and men who wish to enjoy a happy fulfilling sex life.
25
This is simply not true. I am unsure which dark corners of the Net you are exploring, but most such porn is simply great looking bodies coupling, very explicitly. It emphasizes beautiful female bodies, unsurprisingly, since men are the primary consumers (for which they are savaged as beasts, but only until women complain that they too like explicit sex, and hey, why isn't more of it directed at them?) If that is what you think denigrates women so, we disagree and I believe your statements outlandish.
Next.
Next.
6
Porn and the internet were made for each other. That horse is out of the barn and ten miles down the road. As Josh Hill said below, the only answer is for children to be given advance guidance on how to handle what they will inevitably encounter. The problem with that is that it has been proven over and over that parents would rather have a root canal than have an honest discussion with their child about sex. So, they mostly don't.
The second best solution is for the schools to provide information to kids, but the conservatives object. They think if they pray hard enough, their child will be the first child in history to ignore what nature is screaming at them to pay attention to. We know how that works (not), but rather than funding education and contraception, we keep hoping ignorance will save our children.
The second best solution is for the schools to provide information to kids, but the conservatives object. They think if they pray hard enough, their child will be the first child in history to ignore what nature is screaming at them to pay attention to. We know how that works (not), but rather than funding education and contraception, we keep hoping ignorance will save our children.
56
The headline and content of Ms Shulevits article sets up a straw man in suggesting that liberal parents are somehow okay with allowing their children to watch porn. I'm sure a survey of those parents would reveal how wrong she is to suggest such a thing. Nothing is added to the focus of this article by gratuitously throwing politics into the mix.
36
Children today are exposed to every conceivable human act imaginable via the Internet. Rather than engage in the failed strategy of trying to stop what they can see, parents, teachers and doctors need to have some very uncomfortable conversations with their kids.
Otherwise, what is acceptable behavior for children will be dictated by other children. That is a prescription for a "Lord Of The Flies" morality.
The message 14 year old boys get from pornography is that sex is a mean-spirited, bullying transaction--a zero-sum game for one (almost always male) participant.
The message that respectful treatment of ourselves and others overrides all other messages on the Internet is one only parents can deliver and the only one which young girls can use to make good decisions regarding sex.
Otherwise, what is acceptable behavior for children will be dictated by other children. That is a prescription for a "Lord Of The Flies" morality.
The message 14 year old boys get from pornography is that sex is a mean-spirited, bullying transaction--a zero-sum game for one (almost always male) participant.
The message that respectful treatment of ourselves and others overrides all other messages on the Internet is one only parents can deliver and the only one which young girls can use to make good decisions regarding sex.
93
Porn is safe sex. No disease, no pregnancy. Too much of anything is bad, but a teenager can handle this at a very high threshold, and will get over it in due time.
18
Or perhaps the opinions of the New York Times is taking a step towards the right (again).
5
Have you been on the internet lately? Hard core fetish porn videos totally free with a click - videos of "teens", S&M, torture, gang rape, and all kinds of crazy stuff. This is not playboy. I agree discussion is important and I am quite liberal and open about sex, but there is no sense of normal in what is pushed on the porn sites since they get the most play with the extreme stuff (I assume since it is so prevalent). I really don't want to talk about sexual torture scenes, gang rape scenes, and anal penetration with an 11 year old. But apparently we will have to if no one in tech land can figure out a good filter. Additionally, more young girls now have perverse ideas of what their genitals should look like based on porn star surgery and waxing, and there are young men becoming unable to have basic sex with a young woman because they spent their early years masturbating to fetish porn and need higher levels of stimulation for things to "work." And the thing is I have absolutely no issue with porn for adult consumers, even fetish porn - to each their own. But easy access for children should be considered a crisis as far as I'm concerned, and I'm actually worried for my young son. There were major network fines/controversy over Janet Jackson's boob on TV but we can't do anything about this? Sorry to be so graphic here but I couldn't figure out any other way to be clear.
32
Your kid will be fine.
2
You lost all credibility when you apologized to Tipper Gore.
7
If you are a parent who is worried about your child getting miss information from porn, teach them. Just give your kid the proper education. If you are an abstinence only religious nut and object to teaching your kids how to be functional humans, your child is better of learning at least something, no matter how inaccurate, from the Internet.
Not being able to block or filter the Internet is precisely the point. No one is supposed to be able to block or otherwise control communication on the Internet. It would be a real shame if we ruined the Internet's freedom to continue imposing a Bronze Age sexual ethic on future generations. If you don't want your kids learning about and having health sexual relationships because your imaginary friend named God doesn't like it, you are a horrible parent and should not have children. Why exactly would God be watching your kids have sex anyways? We would send any human to jail for pedophilia if they did that. Little wonder that so many of God's speakers are pedophiles.
Humans have sex, humans like sex, it is natural and it is good for us. Parents should be happy to educate their kids and encourage Healthy sexual relationships. If people would simply teach their children properly, there would be little problem with pornography. Then all of the adults in the world could continue freely watching whatever they want without any fuss. After all, in the land of the free, we should be free to watch porn.
Not being able to block or filter the Internet is precisely the point. No one is supposed to be able to block or otherwise control communication on the Internet. It would be a real shame if we ruined the Internet's freedom to continue imposing a Bronze Age sexual ethic on future generations. If you don't want your kids learning about and having health sexual relationships because your imaginary friend named God doesn't like it, you are a horrible parent and should not have children. Why exactly would God be watching your kids have sex anyways? We would send any human to jail for pedophilia if they did that. Little wonder that so many of God's speakers are pedophiles.
Humans have sex, humans like sex, it is natural and it is good for us. Parents should be happy to educate their kids and encourage Healthy sexual relationships. If people would simply teach their children properly, there would be little problem with pornography. Then all of the adults in the world could continue freely watching whatever they want without any fuss. After all, in the land of the free, we should be free to watch porn.
7
Two of the results of the invasion of porn into our daily images results in copy-cat behavior by very young people: having sex with many partners and sending photos-by-phone for the purpose of wide-spread mockery and debasement. This is not about who is and isn't prudish. This is about the self-concept your child is forming.
8
Simple. When my boy was a Freshman, I told him he might get pictures of naked classmates on his phone. I said, honey I know you'll look at the, you can't help that, it's normal, but don't forward them on to anyone else, that's wrong.
Just talk to your kids. It's not that difficult.
Just talk to your kids. It's not that difficult.
2
Ok porn is a conservative / liberal thing now? Geez. This is nuts. You people are nuts. Porn dehumanizes. Conservatives (especially those Christians who espouse "family values") are the worst offenders, certainly hypocrites. Give it a rest.
14
This author does not take sexual assault on university campuses seriously (read her previous articles), but she has concerns about porn now?
13
I have a three year old daughter. I'm scared out of my mind about what she'll face in this brave new world.
3
By all means, Trump with his three wives, one who unlike Michele Obama, doesn't bare just her arms, but everything else as well.
By all means, Trump and the Republican Party, come to the aid of this poor morally corrupt country.
You think taking guns from "the people" would cause blood shed? Wait till you try to take their porn.
Republicans - because being out of touch is their way of life.
By all means, Trump and the Republican Party, come to the aid of this poor morally corrupt country.
You think taking guns from "the people" would cause blood shed? Wait till you try to take their porn.
Republicans - because being out of touch is their way of life.
13
Ms. Shulevitz: The one thing a parent should NEVER do, and I'm speaking from hard won experience, is to "freak out." It teaches your children that it's OK to overreact irrationally. If your children can't trust you to be the mature, you know, adult, how do you think they'll trust your opinions to be rooted in logic and intelligence, and give them credence?
Parenting is hard work. I have daughters who have emerged relatively unscathed by adolescents and peers to be young, well adjusted adults of 23 and 27.
You have to teach them, a lot. That's so, if for no other reason that a whole bunch of their peers are going to be undersupervised, under (or un) educated children that you aren't going to want to influence your kds. And those real life kids have the potential to damage your kids far more than porn videos.
My kids went to a high school in a first ring NY suburb that likes to proclaim itself the model small town. In fact, village and school grandees like to wish that they could bubble in their little village to keep out the bad influences. Actually, they were woefully, if not willfully unaware of the underage drinking, the drugs, the coerced sex going on and originating from inside that bubble. My kids managed not to be coopted by those bad actors who were, like I said, a whole lot more influential, and more dangerous, than porn access.
Parenting is hard work. I have daughters who have emerged relatively unscathed by adolescents and peers to be young, well adjusted adults of 23 and 27.
You have to teach them, a lot. That's so, if for no other reason that a whole bunch of their peers are going to be undersupervised, under (or un) educated children that you aren't going to want to influence your kds. And those real life kids have the potential to damage your kids far more than porn videos.
My kids went to a high school in a first ring NY suburb that likes to proclaim itself the model small town. In fact, village and school grandees like to wish that they could bubble in their little village to keep out the bad influences. Actually, they were woefully, if not willfully unaware of the underage drinking, the drugs, the coerced sex going on and originating from inside that bubble. My kids managed not to be coopted by those bad actors who were, like I said, a whole lot more influential, and more dangerous, than porn access.
15
You lost all credibility when you apologized to Tipper.
8
Ridiculous fear mongering as usual. Necrophilia and diaper porn are not trending in the slightest, you can open Pornhub or Xhamster yourself to check.
You can't limit it, it's impossible. The only way is to have a frank discussion with your children. Tell them that if they are going to watch it you can't stop them but should be aware that sex looks different from the perspective of the person doing it. Also make them aware that excessive manual stimulation can make their penis less sensitive to vaginal stimulation.
Basically if you want to make them wary of porn do so by incentivizing them with things they actually want, like real sex down the line. Point out porn's limitations and how it could actually stop them from getting laid in the future. Telling them to stay away will just make them want it more.
You can't limit it, it's impossible. The only way is to have a frank discussion with your children. Tell them that if they are going to watch it you can't stop them but should be aware that sex looks different from the perspective of the person doing it. Also make them aware that excessive manual stimulation can make their penis less sensitive to vaginal stimulation.
Basically if you want to make them wary of porn do so by incentivizing them with things they actually want, like real sex down the line. Point out porn's limitations and how it could actually stop them from getting laid in the future. Telling them to stay away will just make them want it more.
10
Let's adopt the xxx marker for internet porn sites. It can give porn producers some sort of legitimacy that they are attempting to screen their audience. And it can be blocked without blocking say things like "breast cancer". Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. As the parent of tween boys I am terrified about the way women are portrayed in internet pornography and an worried it could be very damaging to young psyches. I can try to block whatever I want but the kid sitting next to them on the bus has a smart phone and unfettered access. Gang bangs/triple penetration and truly scary stuff make me long for the days of hidden playboy magazines.
8
And what makes Shulevitz an expert on porn? No creds presented here.
13
Animal snuff aren't going to be found on X-tube. Which goes to the heart of the problem with this overwrought article. The problem with kids seeing porn seems much adult discomfort unless that's their only source of sex education. Explain is not what real sex is like anymore than Game of Thrones is what real life is like. Then get them the information they need to know. And know if you track their viewing habits, you won't be able to unknow what you learn.
9
Two things, briefly:
1. I am a Millennial (barely) and middle school teacher; I will vouch for the fact that weird porn is in the hands of basically every kid, either directly or through word of mouth. It makes kids weird and anyone who claims different is smoking dope. However, when I was a kid, there were unregulated chat rooms and my parents couldn't figure out America OnLine. I had a grownup email boyfriend when I was like 12. He taught me a ton of fancy names for things. My point: the world be dangerous, yo. Worse every day. Make your children brave and teach them the names for things before someone else does.
2. A snuff film is not, by definition, "necrophilia". Dunno where the author got that. A snuff film portrays a murder. While some snuffs may feature sex with the recently murdered, that's not what defines them. I find it quaint that she took the snuff and its ilk-- a phenomenon that belongs to an ethos we haven't yet really named--and kicked it old school with something somehow less complicated to process, that has a joke name we all know and a cartoon face we can pretend to put our finger on: the face of a sad morgue employee or the kindly funeral director. The face of loneliness. Snuff films, and what they represent: raw, anonymous perversion. And theIr vehicle: a web that cares not for us or our bambinos. A construct that, in a certain light, makes necrophilia seem almost palatable by comparison. I could live with Tom Petty and his last dance with Mary Jane.
1. I am a Millennial (barely) and middle school teacher; I will vouch for the fact that weird porn is in the hands of basically every kid, either directly or through word of mouth. It makes kids weird and anyone who claims different is smoking dope. However, when I was a kid, there were unregulated chat rooms and my parents couldn't figure out America OnLine. I had a grownup email boyfriend when I was like 12. He taught me a ton of fancy names for things. My point: the world be dangerous, yo. Worse every day. Make your children brave and teach them the names for things before someone else does.
2. A snuff film is not, by definition, "necrophilia". Dunno where the author got that. A snuff film portrays a murder. While some snuffs may feature sex with the recently murdered, that's not what defines them. I find it quaint that she took the snuff and its ilk-- a phenomenon that belongs to an ethos we haven't yet really named--and kicked it old school with something somehow less complicated to process, that has a joke name we all know and a cartoon face we can pretend to put our finger on: the face of a sad morgue employee or the kindly funeral director. The face of loneliness. Snuff films, and what they represent: raw, anonymous perversion. And theIr vehicle: a web that cares not for us or our bambinos. A construct that, in a certain light, makes necrophilia seem almost palatable by comparison. I could live with Tom Petty and his last dance with Mary Jane.
21
Too many pieces by women tell us what it's ok to believe, as if there were rules you need to conform to to be politically correct. I'm here to tell you that you've got to go with your gut to win the respect of your kids.
3
Yes, "the global nature of the internet vastly complicates censorship". Not enough to convince the censors that censorship is simply wrong, but I'd settle for convincing them that it simply wasn't possible. Danah Boyd is absolutely right, teaching our children "critical sensibilities" about the information they encounter is not only the best way, it's the only way. And doing so is probably the most important element of raising children, whether it applies to pornography (a trivial side issue at most) or political statements, the application of science to society (i.e., making sense of global warming), comprehending risk (actually evaluating coal vs. nuclear power), or the alarming things that certain religions put forth.
Even if such a skill weren't crucially important, it has the potential of addressing your concern where censorship has no chance.
And censorship is still flatly wrong, right up there with slavery, prohibition, and enforcing one sect's religious law on an entire population.
Van
Even if such a skill weren't crucially important, it has the potential of addressing your concern where censorship has no chance.
And censorship is still flatly wrong, right up there with slavery, prohibition, and enforcing one sect's religious law on an entire population.
Van
9
The article argues that it's currently impossible to keep your kids from seeing porn in the Internet.
Indeed.
As a youngster in antediluvian times (before the porn flood of the internet, that is) we were able to find it in the tattered pages of Playboy magazines passed (furtively and reluctantly) from one child to the next.
But the author argues that we must do SOMEthing! What, precisely? Even if she were to somehow succeed in keeping kids from seeing porn on the internet, they would just make it themselves. They already do. And we arrest and prosecute them for it (doing untold damage to their futures- not a good solution) and they still do it.
So maybe instead of blocking teens' access to porn, we should facilitate it.
No, not to faux necrophilia, but to porn which satisfies their urges and curiosities but doesn't fuel behavior which would make them a heel or could put them in prison one day. Direct them to a healthy place, rather than forcing them to a Google search which puts possibly felonious sex acts on a par with middle aged people in the missionary position (surely one of the darkest fringes of the web...).
Hugh Hefner might not have been an ideal sex educator, but as the guy who introduced me and countless others to the fun and romantic side of sex, you could (and nowadays can) do a lot worse. Playboy subscriptions for everyone in high school! Oh wait-- they just gave up on nudity and the Playboy mansion's been sold.
Come back Mr. Hefner! All is forgiven!
Indeed.
As a youngster in antediluvian times (before the porn flood of the internet, that is) we were able to find it in the tattered pages of Playboy magazines passed (furtively and reluctantly) from one child to the next.
But the author argues that we must do SOMEthing! What, precisely? Even if she were to somehow succeed in keeping kids from seeing porn on the internet, they would just make it themselves. They already do. And we arrest and prosecute them for it (doing untold damage to their futures- not a good solution) and they still do it.
So maybe instead of blocking teens' access to porn, we should facilitate it.
No, not to faux necrophilia, but to porn which satisfies their urges and curiosities but doesn't fuel behavior which would make them a heel or could put them in prison one day. Direct them to a healthy place, rather than forcing them to a Google search which puts possibly felonious sex acts on a par with middle aged people in the missionary position (surely one of the darkest fringes of the web...).
Hugh Hefner might not have been an ideal sex educator, but as the guy who introduced me and countless others to the fun and romantic side of sex, you could (and nowadays can) do a lot worse. Playboy subscriptions for everyone in high school! Oh wait-- they just gave up on nudity and the Playboy mansion's been sold.
Come back Mr. Hefner! All is forgiven!
12
The simplest way to keep kids away from porn, for a while at least, is to keep them off of computers and smart phones, period. There is no longer any reason to believe, as we once understandably did, that computer literacy is a necessary component of education. In fact, there is compelling evidence that use of devices cripples children's minds starting with their brains and going in to their attention span and moral world. The smartest parents, including Silicon Valley execs, keep their kids OFF the internet and games. That will be the new competitive advantage of child rearing.
35
It's a substance, like booze, pot, or gambling, which 95% of people using it enjoy and keep within bounds. There's no more reason to (try to) ban it than there is for these other three.
8
To suggest that pre-teens shouldn't be able to watch actors having sex with fake corpses really shouldn't be argued against or qualified by where one sits on the ideological spectrum. Some type of standard as to what is freely available online that prevents anyone from stumbling upon graphic portrayals of say incest or rape fantasies aren't going to crash the first amendment .
20
Many such images are already illegal, but let's be realistic, there's no way to suppress them. We can't even entirely eliminate child pornography, in which young people really *are* hurt.
2
When columnists write about the health hazards of coal and guns, they typically spell them out, and with multiple links for fuller info. I'm not suggesting there isn't a medical case to be made about teen exposure porn. I just don't see it here. This column reads like another ill-informed parent ranting about something they find offensive. I expect, and am used to getting, more from the NYT.
19
Tipper Gore wasn't trying to stop people from making music but once those labels went on cd's, big chains wouldn't carry them which had the same effect as censorship. It wasn't as benign as you remember.
Internet porn is just a tsunami of things that adolescents have no defense against. All these kids have multiple access points to it, from phones to iPads to game consoles. I have four children around that age and I do wish there was a way to keep them from seeing it until they are older and can understand it better. Of course it's up to us to talk about it with them but we can't monitor them 24 hours a day.
I really worry about the effect all this pornography will have on them
Internet porn is just a tsunami of things that adolescents have no defense against. All these kids have multiple access points to it, from phones to iPads to game consoles. I have four children around that age and I do wish there was a way to keep them from seeing it until they are older and can understand it better. Of course it's up to us to talk about it with them but we can't monitor them 24 hours a day.
I really worry about the effect all this pornography will have on them
38
@Ed: so do you talk with your children about normal sexual urges and functions, or do you leave them to, ahem, their own devices?
Nobody said parenting was easy...
Nobody said parenting was easy...
3
I am a father of two, a daughter and a son. When my son was about 10 he asked me what whiskey tastes like. I thought a little before answering, because I wanted to address his curiosity in a respectful manner. My kid had a real curiosity about liquor. We adults know that there are whiskeys that just taste bad, but we still drink it.
I told my son that adults don't just drink liquor for the taste. They drink it for a host of other reasons.
One Father's Day I got a card from my 14 year old daughter. She thanked me for how I had been treating her in her formative years. She outright thanked me for letting her be herself, to let her be the future adult that she would eventually be.
Unless one is a really bad parent it would be hard to top the dirt that kids are exposed to today. Show them the world as it is, not the way you want it. Teach them there is good and bad in the world. The best way to do that is for a parent to be the best they can be, whatever that may entail.
I did not put blindfolds on my kids. I was protective but I don't believe I smothered them. I respected them for their inherent intelligence, they have rewarded me in countless ways as balanced good people that I am very proud of.
I told my son that adults don't just drink liquor for the taste. They drink it for a host of other reasons.
One Father's Day I got a card from my 14 year old daughter. She thanked me for how I had been treating her in her formative years. She outright thanked me for letting her be herself, to let her be the future adult that she would eventually be.
Unless one is a really bad parent it would be hard to top the dirt that kids are exposed to today. Show them the world as it is, not the way you want it. Teach them there is good and bad in the world. The best way to do that is for a parent to be the best they can be, whatever that may entail.
I did not put blindfolds on my kids. I was protective but I don't believe I smothered them. I respected them for their inherent intelligence, they have rewarded me in countless ways as balanced good people that I am very proud of.
14
Porn is a national problem that crosses all ideological, political, and demographic boundaries. I was exposed to porn in middle school and I am struggling to break my addiction to it some 35 years later. As a democrat and defender of first amendment rights I call all parents to do everything possible to prevent your kids from being exposed to porn. Porn distorts your sexuality--see the recent Time magazine article on it.
11
Certainly, if Time magazine opines that, that's plenty enough authority for me!
Please. I believe the personality distortion, if any, occurs prior to and independently of most porn, which is simply beautiful bodies coupling. This is particularly so for the relatively few who seek out depictions of necrophilia, bestiality and gang rape.
Please. I believe the personality distortion, if any, occurs prior to and independently of most porn, which is simply beautiful bodies coupling. This is particularly so for the relatively few who seek out depictions of necrophilia, bestiality and gang rape.
1
Kids are perceptive about parents' emotions, so please know that if you're uncomfortable with the topic of porn, let alone freaking out, they'll learn to avoid it with you. That doesn't mean they'll lose interest in those images, though.
My generation - probably the same as the author's - had no internet but plenty of exposure to erotica. There was my friend's parent's collection of porn videos that we watched after school. There was MTV and Madonna. There was the time we found a stack of Hustler and Playboy magazines bundled on the street and pored over them. There were all those albums with "parental advisory: explicit lyrics" we consumed. Tipper Gore must have turned sales gold!
Since avoidance of sexual content is a nonstarter, the question is how much you want to build up its value in your child's mind. If porn is presented as taboo, or makes you squirm, its value will skyrocket. My mother approached it brilliantly, getting ahead of the game and mentioning it to me very young, before porn found its way to me. She said something like 'sometimes you will see sexy images of people doing private things, and it's just a kind of acting. But you can talk to me about any you see.' She was very calm about it. And she was calm for all the times I DID share with her what I saw and heard. She watched those sexy music videos and heard those tapes with me so we could talk about them. And I was far from precocious and all the healthier because of her realism.
My generation - probably the same as the author's - had no internet but plenty of exposure to erotica. There was my friend's parent's collection of porn videos that we watched after school. There was MTV and Madonna. There was the time we found a stack of Hustler and Playboy magazines bundled on the street and pored over them. There were all those albums with "parental advisory: explicit lyrics" we consumed. Tipper Gore must have turned sales gold!
Since avoidance of sexual content is a nonstarter, the question is how much you want to build up its value in your child's mind. If porn is presented as taboo, or makes you squirm, its value will skyrocket. My mother approached it brilliantly, getting ahead of the game and mentioning it to me very young, before porn found its way to me. She said something like 'sometimes you will see sexy images of people doing private things, and it's just a kind of acting. But you can talk to me about any you see.' She was very calm about it. And she was calm for all the times I DID share with her what I saw and heard. She watched those sexy music videos and heard those tapes with me so we could talk about them. And I was far from precocious and all the healthier because of her realism.
117
Is there any way to keep internet porn away from children while allowing adults to have all they want? The only solution to children getting access to porn is to prevent adults from gaining access to porn.
We Americans destroyed our comic book industry in order to prevent children from reading raunchy comic books. Now Japan makes far more interesting comic books than Americans do.... and some of our more interesting movies have been based on US comic books published in the fifties.
We Americans destroyed our comic book industry in order to prevent children from reading raunchy comic books. Now Japan makes far more interesting comic books than Americans do.... and some of our more interesting movies have been based on US comic books published in the fifties.
1
I hate to break it to you but any 13 year old can figure out how to bypass parental controls. My 13 year old daughter can do just pretty much what she wants, the kid reads code. No one taught her, she just does.
So what am I to do? I talk to her often about the dangers of the internet and have been for quite a while. She knows and is very aware of sites that she should avoid and she is also very careful of what she posts on social media.
These sites aren't going away and as our kids get more savvy with technology it will be up to parents to educate their children on how to navigate the internet and when it comes up (yikes!) sexuality.
So what am I to do? I talk to her often about the dangers of the internet and have been for quite a while. She knows and is very aware of sites that she should avoid and she is also very careful of what she posts on social media.
These sites aren't going away and as our kids get more savvy with technology it will be up to parents to educate their children on how to navigate the internet and when it comes up (yikes!) sexuality.
77
"I was outraged when I asked the school my 12-year-old was attending to help me porn-proof the laptop we’d been advised to buy for him, & the school said no. "
Why is this the school's job, & why were you 'outraged'? All you needed to do was install programs to block porn--you could do an internet search, or call the laptop company, or hire someone. The school has nothing to do with this. You are the parent. You have the job.
As a teacher & parent of now young adults, I'm so sick of otherwise educated parents claiming helplessness in doing basic parenting jobs. I have lost count of the numbers of young teens who fall asleep in my classes - deep sleep, with drool coming out - because they are up until 3 am going on social media, playing games & YES looking at porn, all while their parents sleep. And why do the kids have a phone to begin with? B/c the parents won't take it away. How are the kids able to look up porn? B/c the parents won't block it. And when I share with the parents that their child is up until 3 am, I am almost invariably met with hand-wringing helplessness: "But what can I DO about it?" These are execs, doctors, nurses.
The kids are seeing vile stuff. (And the author doesn't touch the sick violence, like actual beheadings husbands perform on their 'cheating' wives.) They are seeing this stuff as early as 10. With *no* parental input, advice or discussion because their parents are in denial they are seeing it.
Sorry, stop the handwringing. Just parent.
Why is this the school's job, & why were you 'outraged'? All you needed to do was install programs to block porn--you could do an internet search, or call the laptop company, or hire someone. The school has nothing to do with this. You are the parent. You have the job.
As a teacher & parent of now young adults, I'm so sick of otherwise educated parents claiming helplessness in doing basic parenting jobs. I have lost count of the numbers of young teens who fall asleep in my classes - deep sleep, with drool coming out - because they are up until 3 am going on social media, playing games & YES looking at porn, all while their parents sleep. And why do the kids have a phone to begin with? B/c the parents won't take it away. How are the kids able to look up porn? B/c the parents won't block it. And when I share with the parents that their child is up until 3 am, I am almost invariably met with hand-wringing helplessness: "But what can I DO about it?" These are execs, doctors, nurses.
The kids are seeing vile stuff. (And the author doesn't touch the sick violence, like actual beheadings husbands perform on their 'cheating' wives.) They are seeing this stuff as early as 10. With *no* parental input, advice or discussion because their parents are in denial they are seeing it.
Sorry, stop the handwringing. Just parent.
296
If you don't think underage kids could access porn in the old days, you are mistaken.
If prostitution is the oldest profession, porn is the oldest literature.
Men (and I say men because 99% of the demand comes from them) are instinctively driven to look at naked women the way cats look at birds through the window. They may never get out in the yard to chase, but millions of years have fine-tuned them to react to beaks and feathers.
Men, and pubescent boys, react to images of female breasts, waists and hips because millions of years of evolution send them a subconscious signal that these physical attributes connote successful child bearing outcomes. And that is what all species desire most of all, albeit subconsciously.
Good luck with the fight. My money is on the million year old instincts, not the 45 year old feminism.
If prostitution is the oldest profession, porn is the oldest literature.
Men (and I say men because 99% of the demand comes from them) are instinctively driven to look at naked women the way cats look at birds through the window. They may never get out in the yard to chase, but millions of years have fine-tuned them to react to beaks and feathers.
Men, and pubescent boys, react to images of female breasts, waists and hips because millions of years of evolution send them a subconscious signal that these physical attributes connote successful child bearing outcomes. And that is what all species desire most of all, albeit subconsciously.
Good luck with the fight. My money is on the million year old instincts, not the 45 year old feminism.
3
Freedom of speech has limits. As everyone knows, you can't shout "fire" in a crowded theater. You can't make a speech or go on line advocating shooting the President, or any other individual--though certain politicians have come close, with their "2nd Amendment solutions." The whole idea is that you shouldn't injure other people with your speech (though that doesn't include hurting their feelings). And the law forbids child porn.
I am a liberal (actually more left than liberal) and a parent. Porn hurts children by distorting their development into sexually healthy adults. Watching videos of necrophilia, sado-masochism, bestiality--sorry, I wouldn't allow these images on the internet as long as children have access to them, no matter how many adults squawk about their freedom being infringed.
I am a liberal (actually more left than liberal) and a parent. Porn hurts children by distorting their development into sexually healthy adults. Watching videos of necrophilia, sado-masochism, bestiality--sorry, I wouldn't allow these images on the internet as long as children have access to them, no matter how many adults squawk about their freedom being infringed.
15
Every excess has its own punishment. Addiction to porn can impair one's capacity to enjoy real sex.
4
What is telling here is that Shulevitz as a parent has not one word addressing her role in bringing up her kids. Parents down through millennia deny the parent is the problem. This is the problem, parents haven't the courage or heart to get down in the trenches with their children and tell the truth. About sex or anything for that matter, children grow up knowing their parents are cowards and liars who will outsource anything and everything they can. After all we have been through over the last seventy years the majority of parents still can't be honest about sex. A few can and are and their kids are well armed when it comes to practicing and expressing their personal values in the way they live and love.
The other side of the coin represented is the moral condemnation we see here. The invalidation and characterization of a very large segment of the population who view pornography. A very wide group of people to dispense with as wrong headed. It would seem that like drug and alcohol issues the only way we as a society will get out in front of our sex issues is by being honest about ourselves and stopping the condemnation.
Lastly, it is a tragic shame that from our supreme court down through the whole of America the first amendment is so misunderstood and abused. But that is a subject for another fifteen hundred word comment.
The other side of the coin represented is the moral condemnation we see here. The invalidation and characterization of a very large segment of the population who view pornography. A very wide group of people to dispense with as wrong headed. It would seem that like drug and alcohol issues the only way we as a society will get out in front of our sex issues is by being honest about ourselves and stopping the condemnation.
Lastly, it is a tragic shame that from our supreme court down through the whole of America the first amendment is so misunderstood and abused. But that is a subject for another fifteen hundred word comment.
3
Bravo! Pornography dehumanizes all. Sex can be turned into something vulgar just as wine can turn into vinegar if overexposed.
5
In the 60s many Democrats were libertines when it came to drug use. It was considered puritanical and prudish to condemn the activity. Yet now looking back, it can be argued that a significant part of that generation was hooked, wasted, and ruined by those addictive substances. This same loose attitude of anything goes has been carried forward by the liberals of today. Any restrictions advocated or placed by the right on our society is considered to be abhorrent. How young minds react to the imagery streaming for free on the web today should alarm all parents. Gun merchants have the Republican Party on their side and porn merchants seem to have found their protectors within the Democratic Party. What the two groups have in common is in helping to create a society which is dangerous to body, mind, and soul of our population.
3
Porn happens. So does lots of other stuff. One of the hardest jobs parents have is to develop the kind of relationship with their kids that lets them prepare them for the range of things they will encounter as they grow up and become adults.
5
3 hrs. of video streaming amounts to about 1 GB of smartphone usage. Any kid obsessed with porn is likely to incur usage charges as long as they have reasonable limits. It's not a cure all, but it is an effective check.
4
I agree that kids are watching porn when they are way too young. I'm 28 now, but I watched porn using a dialup modem in 8th grade. Now some of my friends have children that have seen porn when they are like 6 years old, that's like 2nd grade!!
There is only one way to prevent children from watching porn...don't give them smartphones when they are 6 years old. You don't need a smartphone until high school, but I see plenty of 2nd graders with smartphones. Give them a flip phone of you need peace of mind, but a smartphone is basically a secret computer where your kid will watch porn basically no matter what.
I watch porn now occasionally, and so does my girlfriend. But little kids should not ever watch porn. It will twist their minds.
There is only one way to prevent children from watching porn...don't give them smartphones when they are 6 years old. You don't need a smartphone until high school, but I see plenty of 2nd graders with smartphones. Give them a flip phone of you need peace of mind, but a smartphone is basically a secret computer where your kid will watch porn basically no matter what.
I watch porn now occasionally, and so does my girlfriend. But little kids should not ever watch porn. It will twist their minds.
22
Women should be most upset about Pornography. It objectifies the woman, destroys marriages and send men on an endless quest for the perfect orgasm. This will always lead to emptiness, despair and loneliness. As well as an entire generation of children being shuffled back and forth to broken families. It is plague on society and should be controlled. Most "Actors" have many personal issues such as drugs, alcoholism, and many are from the sex trade. Very sad industry.
7
This seems like an oblivious article; it shouldn't be difficult for cell providers to allow parental blocks on phones, and it seems a router company would jump on the opportunity to offer built in parental controls from the router. the technology is certainly there
5
Ms. Shulevitz, to reveal my age, go to Nash, Graham: "Teach Your Children."
If you don't do so, they won't be prepared at a young age to deal with their vastly undersupervised, undertaught classmates, let alone the interweb.
Strong values from home, imbued with realism (not laughable nonsense like abstinence only sex education), will help your children navigate the big, ugly world. Take it from an adult whose daughters emerged unscathed by adolescence on the other side, now aged 23 & 27.
If you don't do so, they won't be prepared at a young age to deal with their vastly undersupervised, undertaught classmates, let alone the interweb.
Strong values from home, imbued with realism (not laughable nonsense like abstinence only sex education), will help your children navigate the big, ugly world. Take it from an adult whose daughters emerged unscathed by adolescence on the other side, now aged 23 & 27.
7
Ms. Schuleitz should be worrying more about the other Neanderthal ideas in the Republican's platform than with porn.
Americans still have this weird prudishness about sex and far too many adults do not take the time and effort to properly educate their children about sex, their bodies and the responsibilities that come with having a child.
Americans still have this weird prudishness about sex and far too many adults do not take the time and effort to properly educate their children about sex, their bodies and the responsibilities that come with having a child.
21
I completely agree. The fact that everyone from now on will be exposed to porn in childhood is of huge significance. It made my children's recent teenage years much harder because there is no filter. Conversation cannot remove the distortion and loss of boundaries.
6
Pornography today can evolve into your predator tomorrow. Maybe it would not hurt to read the Republican platform.
1
Prove it. Cite a single scientific study that bears out this claim.
4
Ok I am going to call you out on so many things. Listen I will say this. Being a parent is hard I understand it. Why should the rest of the world suffer because you refuse to well contextualize the world. I could explain porn to an 11 year old like this. "Child, just like how movies are a fake world, adults sometimes have adult relations with each other. Some adults like this, but this is just acting and is not real". There I solved that problem.
My concern is why should the world substitute for basic research. I can set up a filter that filters out 99% content (even Wikipedia has porn") with ease. Google is your friend. Please, being a parent was never easy so why should we suffer free speech losses because the world is hard.
My concern is why should the world substitute for basic research. I can set up a filter that filters out 99% content (even Wikipedia has porn") with ease. Google is your friend. Please, being a parent was never easy so why should we suffer free speech losses because the world is hard.
12
How dare you suggest that liberal parents are okay with kids having access to pornography.....
6
It's not a dare, but true, that liberalism has consistently rejected social controls over pornography and, if that means kids get access to it, it's an unfortunate but necessary cost of the battle against close-minded cultural conservatism. Remember how Tipper Gore was mocked?
Having loosened to the point of virtual extinction our social constraints, they are ill-placed to condemn our present situation.
(To be fair, they don't advocate eliminating all cultural constraints. Sometimes, they invent new ones. "Micro-aggression", anyone?)
Having loosened to the point of virtual extinction our social constraints, they are ill-placed to condemn our present situation.
(To be fair, they don't advocate eliminating all cultural constraints. Sometimes, they invent new ones. "Micro-aggression", anyone?)
The writer states that giving porn sites their own domain won't be effective because foreign porn sites won't comply. Considering that something like 90 percent of the porn on the internet originates from the US, it is still worth implementing.
9
The quality, quantity, and availability of pornography does not compare to the 1950s or 1960s. Those using their own upbringing as a base of understanding are deluding themselves.
And then you have graphic violence in entertainment, another abuse of free speech.
And then you have graphic violence in entertainment, another abuse of free speech.
13
Thank you for bringing attention to this problem, that too few people talk about.
Most 40+ adults know the clear difference between porn from sex. But the two are beginning to merge for our kids. I feel our whole selfie culture is teetering on this edge of losing intrinsic experiences for how they are portrayed.
I told my boys that porn was basically disinformation, in terms of the practices and positions that would please their future actual partners. I told them it was too easy to develop narrow preferences via endless repetition of porn, or get uinured to normal sexuality-- when the heart of a good fun sex life is to be flexible, creative, and in the moment, and to find a variety of women attractive.
I did not forbid porn but I put it into the category of a potentially harmful practice that was important not to overdo.
My kids challenge me on some of my advice about "what girls enjoy." The girls they are growing up with are also being 'schooled' by porn as to the "pose" that men think is sexy and what they expect.
Tweens are developing porn-led ideas about attractiveness, sexuality, agency, personhood, and pleasure which have nothing to do with their own natural sexual selves or their own natural development. Its very sad, and very scary.
Being able to have a good sex life is at the heart of being a person and our kids are being set up for disaster by porn.
Most 40+ adults know the clear difference between porn from sex. But the two are beginning to merge for our kids. I feel our whole selfie culture is teetering on this edge of losing intrinsic experiences for how they are portrayed.
I told my boys that porn was basically disinformation, in terms of the practices and positions that would please their future actual partners. I told them it was too easy to develop narrow preferences via endless repetition of porn, or get uinured to normal sexuality-- when the heart of a good fun sex life is to be flexible, creative, and in the moment, and to find a variety of women attractive.
I did not forbid porn but I put it into the category of a potentially harmful practice that was important not to overdo.
My kids challenge me on some of my advice about "what girls enjoy." The girls they are growing up with are also being 'schooled' by porn as to the "pose" that men think is sexy and what they expect.
Tweens are developing porn-led ideas about attractiveness, sexuality, agency, personhood, and pleasure which have nothing to do with their own natural sexual selves or their own natural development. Its very sad, and very scary.
Being able to have a good sex life is at the heart of being a person and our kids are being set up for disaster by porn.
198
I feel lucky that whenever I catch my teenage boys online they are engrossed in the weed sofa Reddit league of legends threw or some silly Japanese you tube star
6
There is a very easy way to control your kids' internet use and that is to not give them their own internet connected devices. Have them use the family lap top or tablet, in family spaces, with parents present. Many parents "freaking out" over their kids' internet abuse are just so glued to their own devices that the idea of sharing with their kids seems far- fetched. Or they are so brainwashed by the idea that constant connectivity is necessary to their kids' intellectual and emotional development that they feel depriving them of their own devices is somehow harmful to them.
243
While I agree with the men weighing in that sex is nothing new, it happens, and we can't fight "normal", they miss the exploitation. Huffpost does a better job. I include a couple of quotes to explain. Girls need self-respect, and that's hard come by. As for parents, in an ideal world, teens would accept and listen to their parents and the parents wouldn't feel awkward!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-talk-to-your-daughters-about-...
"The fact she has viewed it will mean she is more likely to do what boys ask, even if makes her uncomfortable, degraded or it is physically painful — because she thinks that’s the deal."
"It means she will already have been sucked in playing by the rules porn has created for her."
"Explain that porn is not sex"
"Keep it simple. Explain that there are some things on the internet which are not meant for children — in particular violence and cruelty. Even young children will understand this and want to avoid it. Tell her she will never get into trouble for showing you images that upset her."
Mention the profit part of the business.
"If you’re worried your kids think it’s just you being old-fashioned, out-out-touch or prudish, ... responsible, well-made videos that show that porn is a concern across society. ... how it has a chemical effect on their brain which could take it out of their control."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-talk-to-your-daughters-about-...
"The fact she has viewed it will mean she is more likely to do what boys ask, even if makes her uncomfortable, degraded or it is physically painful — because she thinks that’s the deal."
"It means she will already have been sucked in playing by the rules porn has created for her."
"Explain that porn is not sex"
"Keep it simple. Explain that there are some things on the internet which are not meant for children — in particular violence and cruelty. Even young children will understand this and want to avoid it. Tell her she will never get into trouble for showing you images that upset her."
Mention the profit part of the business.
"If you’re worried your kids think it’s just you being old-fashioned, out-out-touch or prudish, ... responsible, well-made videos that show that porn is a concern across society. ... how it has a chemical effect on their brain which could take it out of their control."
42
There are two schools of feminist thought. One argues, as you do, that porn actresses are exploited. The other argues that they are making their own choices, the industry offers them benefits, and their choices should be respected. According to Psychology Today, the evidence suggests that most porn actresses do not feel exploited. although some do. Obviously it is very hard to get reliable infprmation. But to make blanket statements about exploitation does not appear to be either accurate or to reflect the consensus of feninist thought.
5
Can anyone possibly be naive enough to believe that a teenage boy won't get his hands on porn, Internet or not? We did even back in the days when it meant buying a magazine in a brown paper bag. It helped fulfill a screaming, hormone-fueled need, and unlike actual sexual encounters, which spread disease and babies, the only damage it caused was to our bed sheets.
We came across porn when we were pre-pubescent, too -- an older brother's Playboy, what have you. The reaction then was "Look at the dirty picture" -- and that was it: no harm. Truth is, looking at naked people isn't a very interesting activity for kids who don't yet have a sex drive.
The author points to some extreme fetish material, but the truth is, most people of any age aren't interested in looking at images of sex with dead people. Teens will respond to such images as adults do, with some combination of disgust and morbid fascination. They will then go back to the images that they find sexually arousing.
What is needed is not hysteria, but rather the parental guidance to which the author refers. Children should understand the difference between pornography and sexuality in real life. They should be warned of the dangers of viewing or possessing illegal material -- teenagers can face criminal penalties merely for looking at pictures of other teens -- and about sexual predators who may masquerade as other teens. Then, let boys be boys and girls be girls. They'll be just fine.
We came across porn when we were pre-pubescent, too -- an older brother's Playboy, what have you. The reaction then was "Look at the dirty picture" -- and that was it: no harm. Truth is, looking at naked people isn't a very interesting activity for kids who don't yet have a sex drive.
The author points to some extreme fetish material, but the truth is, most people of any age aren't interested in looking at images of sex with dead people. Teens will respond to such images as adults do, with some combination of disgust and morbid fascination. They will then go back to the images that they find sexually arousing.
What is needed is not hysteria, but rather the parental guidance to which the author refers. Children should understand the difference between pornography and sexuality in real life. They should be warned of the dangers of viewing or possessing illegal material -- teenagers can face criminal penalties merely for looking at pictures of other teens -- and about sexual predators who may masquerade as other teens. Then, let boys be boys and girls be girls. They'll be just fine.
128
The bus on warning teens about criminal behavior already left the station. All school children receive lessons, every school year, about the dangers of using technology. Technology has gone far past your life experiences. Through phones and laptops, children much younger than hormonal teens can view porn. Filters are sieves; they have holes.
Children do not understand the difference between pornography and sexuality in real life, leading to copy-cat behavior, skewed self-images, and real personal tragedies. Mother Nature will "let boys be boys and girls be girls," without porn. But Mother Nature is not there to clean up the mess caused in many young lives by the adults' reluctance to curtail their own so-called right to porn-at-the-fingertips. To be successful at selling porn, the ante is upped, and this is not your brother's Playboy.
If you're going to quibble that lawyers have proven that this is a free-speech issue, tell me you can totally picture one of the framers of the Bill of Rights saying, "So, guys, let's write in a clause that will protect my son when he publishes these amusing drawings of your daughters. He plans to do this carelessly so that they fly into your homes and schools," and being met with, "Yeah, that's our intention, exactly." The problem of internet porn is caused by adults, and supported by those who have old-fashioned notions about what is online, and who, because they only consult their own lives when forming an opinion, dwarf the threat.
Children do not understand the difference between pornography and sexuality in real life, leading to copy-cat behavior, skewed self-images, and real personal tragedies. Mother Nature will "let boys be boys and girls be girls," without porn. But Mother Nature is not there to clean up the mess caused in many young lives by the adults' reluctance to curtail their own so-called right to porn-at-the-fingertips. To be successful at selling porn, the ante is upped, and this is not your brother's Playboy.
If you're going to quibble that lawyers have proven that this is a free-speech issue, tell me you can totally picture one of the framers of the Bill of Rights saying, "So, guys, let's write in a clause that will protect my son when he publishes these amusing drawings of your daughters. He plans to do this carelessly so that they fly into your homes and schools," and being met with, "Yeah, that's our intention, exactly." The problem of internet porn is caused by adults, and supported by those who have old-fashioned notions about what is online, and who, because they only consult their own lives when forming an opinion, dwarf the threat.
4
Oldsters waxing nostalgic about their dogeared Playboys don't seem to understand that what they're describing is as quaint as Victorian poetry. Today's kids are flooded with extreme porn when they are still pre-pubescent, long before it's a "need", at the point where it's just idle curiosity.
To declare out of hand that this has no effect on their development is thoughtless, and belies a certain apathy about the actual well being of kids and their future relationships.
To declare out of hand that this has no effect on their development is thoughtless, and belies a certain apathy about the actual well being of kids and their future relationships.
11
JD, when will our society stop being hysterical about sex? There is no evidence of any harm and no reason to believe there will be harm. If you know anthropology, you know that in primitive cultures children witness adults having sex all the time and even play at it, and that it doesn't do them any harm.
4
I can remember the furor that ensued when Playboy had their first nude centerfold. I was till in high school we all rushed to somehow get one. Such things had been available in little flip through books, and there were films, but pretty well restricted to adults.
However the American Legion in Oakland would have nude entertainment nights, and some of us knew ways into the building, it was certainly titillating (no pun intended). But hard core porn is just not what children should learn about sex from. Yet, it is difficult for we old people to talk to kids about. I have four daughters, and we did our best to give them concepts of sexual behavior that conveyed the emotional and physical aspects. It is not easy to do, and if you have a religious background that has a negative view of sex, it is even more difficult.
Porn is just an aberration and not way for kids to view sex, as for what age, that depends on the kid. Some can be educated at 14 and others, usually males are still uneducated at 60. If you find your kid watching porn, ask him or her what they like bout it, what do they get out of it? They are watching it, so the know what it is, they need a conversation about it. You can suggest to them, that they are a bit young to be doing those things, but someday they might, and point out the really bad practices, the hurtful ones, and that most people do not act like that. My girls are all grown and would probably laugh at me if I brought the subject up anyway.
However the American Legion in Oakland would have nude entertainment nights, and some of us knew ways into the building, it was certainly titillating (no pun intended). But hard core porn is just not what children should learn about sex from. Yet, it is difficult for we old people to talk to kids about. I have four daughters, and we did our best to give them concepts of sexual behavior that conveyed the emotional and physical aspects. It is not easy to do, and if you have a religious background that has a negative view of sex, it is even more difficult.
Porn is just an aberration and not way for kids to view sex, as for what age, that depends on the kid. Some can be educated at 14 and others, usually males are still uneducated at 60. If you find your kid watching porn, ask him or her what they like bout it, what do they get out of it? They are watching it, so the know what it is, they need a conversation about it. You can suggest to them, that they are a bit young to be doing those things, but someday they might, and point out the really bad practices, the hurtful ones, and that most people do not act like that. My girls are all grown and would probably laugh at me if I brought the subject up anyway.
33
I'm very glad I'm not young and don't have young children today. It seems to me porn - and way too much of popular culture - provides an exploitative model of sexuality. Do we really want girls to think they need waxing at a young age? Men, young or old, are in general (forgive me, I know there are exceptions) less choosy and less inclined to loyalty in their sexual adventurism. This stuff makes it very hard to say no, and all too often it's the girl who pays, one way or another, whether it's hurt, reputation, shame, or unwanted pregnancy. Who needs that at age 11? age 13? even age 16? What about girls who aren't "perfect" or popular?
Then there's deferred gratification, which seems almost entirely absent.
In addition, there is a lack of privacy and once on the internet, pictures and comments are forever. Girls are encouraged to expose themselves in ways that will backfire for a lifetime.
It's too easy, all of this. It needs to be more difficult. We have a lifetime to live. Kids need to be given a little room to be different, to grow, to develop. Parents need a little space too.
Then there's deferred gratification, which seems almost entirely absent.
In addition, there is a lack of privacy and once on the internet, pictures and comments are forever. Girls are encouraged to expose themselves in ways that will backfire for a lifetime.
It's too easy, all of this. It needs to be more difficult. We have a lifetime to live. Kids need to be given a little room to be different, to grow, to develop. Parents need a little space too.
76
I’m not a parent, but I was a kid. On the one hand, I didn’t have to deal with the continuous, gut-wrenching angst of protecting a child from assaults from every direction, from porn to gorilla attacks. On the other hand, as a kid I somehow survived puberty, along with every other adult who is now worrying about their child being exposed to sexual images too soon.
I grew up in the 1950s, and while I didn't have the Internet, I had a picture of a very young Suzanne Pleshette in a skimpy bathing suit that I hid under a loose floor tile. My parents weren’t prudes, but I imagine that they would have been shocked and concerned if they’d been aware of my secret photo.
Somehow we manage to survive the transition from having no libido to seemingly having nothing but. Parents can’t anticipate the transition, because before the child is interested in sex any discussion of sexual issues is premature. After the libido kicks in, the adolescent become like Mr. Spock in the throes of pon farr. Rational discussion is unlikely to have much effect.
Parents should make reasonable efforts to limit a child’s exposure to sexual material on the Internet, but they should also maintain an open channel for a child's questions, and not treat sexual discussion as embarrassing or forbidden.
Besides, there are far more dangerous and disturbing things on the Internet than porn. Have you seen the Republican platform?
I grew up in the 1950s, and while I didn't have the Internet, I had a picture of a very young Suzanne Pleshette in a skimpy bathing suit that I hid under a loose floor tile. My parents weren’t prudes, but I imagine that they would have been shocked and concerned if they’d been aware of my secret photo.
Somehow we manage to survive the transition from having no libido to seemingly having nothing but. Parents can’t anticipate the transition, because before the child is interested in sex any discussion of sexual issues is premature. After the libido kicks in, the adolescent become like Mr. Spock in the throes of pon farr. Rational discussion is unlikely to have much effect.
Parents should make reasonable efforts to limit a child’s exposure to sexual material on the Internet, but they should also maintain an open channel for a child's questions, and not treat sexual discussion as embarrassing or forbidden.
Besides, there are far more dangerous and disturbing things on the Internet than porn. Have you seen the Republican platform?
259
Anybody remember Bristol Palin? Track? What an example that family gives us all of self-control, don't they?!
Let's have universal easy access to cheap/free birth control, puleeze!
Let's have universal easy access to cheap/free birth control, puleeze!
92
Susan, exactly! That's the kind of approach we need to take -- giving children the education and resources to avoid the very real dangers of pregnancy, venereal disease, rape, and exploitation.
Porn really isn't the issue, indeed, arguably, it's one of the best things we can do for an adolescent who is struggling with raging hormones but, in modern society with its extended period of education, can't responsibly marry until he or she is a young adult.
Attempts to render teenagers sexless fail miserably, while sex education and ready access to long-term birth control slash the rate of teen pregnancy.
Porn really isn't the issue, indeed, arguably, it's one of the best things we can do for an adolescent who is struggling with raging hormones but, in modern society with its extended period of education, can't responsibly marry until he or she is a young adult.
Attempts to render teenagers sexless fail miserably, while sex education and ready access to long-term birth control slash the rate of teen pregnancy.
42
Porn has huge implications for interpersonal relationships. It commonly causes erectile dysfunction because sex in real life is so much different from the highly stylized porn images users become accustomed to viewing. One of the most important things I've learned is to stay away from relationships with people who've consumed a lot of porn because it will be difficult for them to relate to you and communicate with you and not objectify you.
15
The big secret? Sex is fun. Oh yeah, there's procreation, and it's generally better with someone you like, IMO. But, there's little in porn that doesn't occur in real life, not as abnormalities, but as part of healthy FUN sex lives. If someone is living under the delusion that the basic sexual activity in the US is missionary position sex -- think again.
I've dated primarily "nice" popular girls all my life, and for the most part, they can be pretty inventive. Ex things that actually involve physical harm, the range of what healthy people can do to have FUN with sex is only limited by creativity and erogenous zones. Sometimes that includes role playing of various sorts that allows fantasies to reign. And porn can be part of that.
Does porn degrade women? I've spent hours studying this and concude -- sometimes yes -- but I think that is a question for the actresses. Did they willing participate? Had fun? If so, good for them. And I don't think you can make a blanket statement that porn degrades all women. Women are sexual creatures (unless warped by prudish parents). If porn actresses are "hot" then maybe more women should do whatever it takes to be hot too. Ditto for guys. Win Win.
But, clearly some things should be out of bounds. Anything involving real harm or kids should be prohibited. As for the rest, enjoy. Ages 16 and above.