Sitting in silence after reading first the essay, then the online comments. Touching, beautiful, difficult. Almost 15 months ago my husband took his life. I feel it was yesterday or 10 years ago. Time continues to have little meaning. The "it has become a part of the fabric of our family' comment rings so true. The sweet sounds of our grandchildren are still powerful, but the bright light of true joy eludes me. I fear it is gone forever, as is part of my heart. I was blessed to be able to connect with those who found him, and thankfully there was no violence in his peaceful ending. I respect his choice to end his pain, and appreciate his acknowledgement of how difficult he knew it would be for all of us. Our searing pain and questions and "what ifs" and "if onlys" continue no matter the circumstances, but our being open about the truth has brought great support from others. With gratitude that bringing suicide out of the darkness does help with the healing. And thanks to the writer and the security guard for this story of true love.
26
There is a suicide in my family as well. It has become part of the landscape of all of our lives.
I am a psychotherapist who sits with people who suffer with these thoughts and feelings and/or have experienced the overwhelming multiple responses to the loss of those in their lives who have succumbed.
I have tremendous appreciation for the author, Ms. Couzin-Frankel for her willingness to write and share this piece of her life. I also want to note the many vulnerable and personal stories of loss her sharing has compelled others to share.
It seems a possibility for greater healing and awareness and for that, I have great gratitude.
I am a psychotherapist who sits with people who suffer with these thoughts and feelings and/or have experienced the overwhelming multiple responses to the loss of those in their lives who have succumbed.
I have tremendous appreciation for the author, Ms. Couzin-Frankel for her willingness to write and share this piece of her life. I also want to note the many vulnerable and personal stories of loss her sharing has compelled others to share.
It seems a possibility for greater healing and awareness and for that, I have great gratitude.
19
What a beautiful, deeply touching story. Thank you.
18
Jennifer, thank you so much for this essay. I lost a dear friend to suicide February 1st. It was the most shocking moment of my life, he was 25 and successful and charming and appeared to have everything going for him. Try as I might I couldn't make sense of his death. My favorite line is "It was easier for me to probe the facts of the past than to live in the emotions of the present" This is so poignant and captures why we so often ask "WHY" and "HOW" when tragedies like this occur because it is easier to task yourself with fitting together pieces of an unsolvable puzzle than to truly allow yourself to feel the heaviness and grief of the present.
The spirit of those we have lost lives on in the connections we make in the wake of their passing.
Love & Peace.
The spirit of those we have lost lives on in the connections we make in the wake of their passing.
Love & Peace.
20
If only I'd had this security guard or someone like her when my dad suicided in 2002. Less than a year since an awful divorce due to domestic violence, I was thrust into dealing with Dad's many issues. Found out he was bipolar for first time diagnosed only when he went to VA in his mid 70s. His abusive behavior over the course of my life suddenly made sense. He was involved in five suits. The woman supposed to take care of him completely ripped him of, emptying his bank acc'ts. Lawyers swooped in, claiming every bit for themselves, including the one I'd hired. This evil man also described to me in detail the gore of my father's demise. If I'd been in the right state of mind immediately I would have terminated his services. Instead, I was numb from a state of shock. The greed of all these people remains a reminder for me of how awful many people can be. Constantly must I turn my visage to those who are givers in all industries. Since that time I have never found any-ANY-attorney to be kind hearted. EVER. On any matter. As to my father, there are so many,many more severely mentally ill males who never get diagnosed, let alone get any kind of treatment for their illness, their disease. And in our collective, vast, complete idiocy, innocents routinely die in our savage, dog-eat-dog culture. I am ashamed for all of us. Profoundly, deeply, unabashedly ASHAMED.
9
Angela, That is a lot to bear. Is there a place or a person you can to some extent trust. I am thinking social worker, a place where you find peace, perhaps worship, whatever has worked for you. Working through all this will take time. Seek out loved ones.
6
As an attorney, I apologize to you. There are too many members of my profession who are little better than criminals or jackals. Our profession fails to police itself, and is full of rotten apples. Ironically, my own family also came close to being ripped off my a thoroughly dishonest lawyer who took advantage of my father. Folks, research attorneys before you hire them. Ask lots of very specific questions, ask for references, ask about their experience in the relevant field, ask about their staff, their fee structure ... ask, ask, ask. With luck, a bad attorney will back away because they fear scrutiny. A good attorney will answer swiftly and candidly.
Angela, again, I am so sorry for what happened to you.
Angela, again, I am so sorry for what happened to you.
17
Dear Angela,
I'm so sorry for your pain. Coping with a loss by suicide is daunting enough without the nonsense of the lawyers with whom you interacted. I can say for a fact that kind attorneys do exist. I know because I am married to one. At great personal and professional cost he has been a zealous advocate for his clients, particularly those with mental and physical disabilities. I hope you find a therapist or someone who can help you navigate through your experience.
I'm so sorry for your pain. Coping with a loss by suicide is daunting enough without the nonsense of the lawyers with whom you interacted. I can say for a fact that kind attorneys do exist. I know because I am married to one. At great personal and professional cost he has been a zealous advocate for his clients, particularly those with mental and physical disabilities. I hope you find a therapist or someone who can help you navigate through your experience.
11
So sad, poignant and lovely this essay - thank you for sharing your thoughts.
5
A beautifully written and memorable essay. Thank you.
11
Thank you.
4
Thank you very much Ms. Couzin-Frankel:
Your essay / memoir is one of the best I have ever read here at Modern Love, and the courage in your writing and your search is a large gift to those of us that are forever weighted with the suicide of a loved one.
Your essay / memoir is one of the best I have ever read here at Modern Love, and the courage in your writing and your search is a large gift to those of us that are forever weighted with the suicide of a loved one.
16
34 years ago I lost a man I loved to his illness. His pain ended, and I understood why he took that way out. But I felt for the men who found his body. They perhaps could not know that in ending his own unbearable pain he could not understand the impact that act might have on them. 3 years ago my husband and I lost his elderly brother when he ended his own deteriorating life. Again I understood, and I was ok with the reality we were faced with upon finding him. He did what he could to minimize the shock for us. I grieved for both these men but I acknowledge their right to choose to end their own pain rather than to select other difficult and imperfect solutions.
14
In tears after reading this essay. It is the best Modern Love column I have read.
14
A very poignant story. Most people aren't so lucky to meet the other side of a tragedy like this, but it's a reminder of humanity in what seems like a disconnected time - people really do affect the people around them, for good and bad. It validates our very existence to affect others like that - we just hope it's for good.
I'm a volunteer EMT and I've been on the security guard's side a bunch of times, first and most memorably for a 9 year old's death at the YMCA. He was playing basketball and had a severe asthma attack - an unknown heart defect (we found out later). The paramedics still remember that one too - and as the saying goes, it wasn't their first rodeo.
I saw his mother for a brief moment, I read the obituary later (he liked math), and I obviously still think about that day - just about 9 years ago. I was 16 at the time and it profoundly changed me as a person. It made me realize that life needs to be enjoyed every day because you're not promised another. As the family thinks about their lost son, I wonder if they ever think of the first responders who rushed in, got him on the stretcher, and rushed right back out the door, doing their best on the way to the hospital and failing - and the particularly young, slightly-scared looking one with the borrowed jumpsuit.
As an aside, to anyone contemplating suicide - please get help, but definitely don't involve bystanders like train drivers or cops. They don't forget their involvement as easily as you do and it's cruel
I'm a volunteer EMT and I've been on the security guard's side a bunch of times, first and most memorably for a 9 year old's death at the YMCA. He was playing basketball and had a severe asthma attack - an unknown heart defect (we found out later). The paramedics still remember that one too - and as the saying goes, it wasn't their first rodeo.
I saw his mother for a brief moment, I read the obituary later (he liked math), and I obviously still think about that day - just about 9 years ago. I was 16 at the time and it profoundly changed me as a person. It made me realize that life needs to be enjoyed every day because you're not promised another. As the family thinks about their lost son, I wonder if they ever think of the first responders who rushed in, got him on the stretcher, and rushed right back out the door, doing their best on the way to the hospital and failing - and the particularly young, slightly-scared looking one with the borrowed jumpsuit.
As an aside, to anyone contemplating suicide - please get help, but definitely don't involve bystanders like train drivers or cops. They don't forget their involvement as easily as you do and it's cruel
16
If you are so overwhelmed with your suicidal thoughts that you can't call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, reach out by texting 741-741 with the word "start". That's the Crisis Text Line, where trained crisis counselors will respond with compassion and wisdom, 24/7. http://www.crisistextline.org for more information.
15
I loved this essay. The beauty of it stays with me.
I lost two very good friends who completed suicide in very self-violent ways. Both were a shock, but I have never, ever once blamed them for their self-deaths.
I loved the fact that Ms. Couzin-Frankel did not blame her sister, but honored her life and memories.
Suicides happen, sometimes despite the best of care. It is a myth that suicide can always be prevented if only the person does x,y, and z. Not true. My two friends had the very best of consistent care. They were hospitalized, medicated, under the best of doctor care, etc., etc. Both were in intensive psychotherapy programs and both faithfully took multitudes of medications. There was no gap in "care" for either of them. Their pain was too great, and I have to respect that as much as I still miss them years later.
Thank you Ms. Couzin-Frankel and my sincere condolences on the loss of your wonderful, precious sister.
I lost two very good friends who completed suicide in very self-violent ways. Both were a shock, but I have never, ever once blamed them for their self-deaths.
I loved the fact that Ms. Couzin-Frankel did not blame her sister, but honored her life and memories.
Suicides happen, sometimes despite the best of care. It is a myth that suicide can always be prevented if only the person does x,y, and z. Not true. My two friends had the very best of consistent care. They were hospitalized, medicated, under the best of doctor care, etc., etc. Both were in intensive psychotherapy programs and both faithfully took multitudes of medications. There was no gap in "care" for either of them. Their pain was too great, and I have to respect that as much as I still miss them years later.
Thank you Ms. Couzin-Frankel and my sincere condolences on the loss of your wonderful, precious sister.
47
Bearing witness is one of the most important human obligations. The two of you have brought honor to yourselves and your sister.
31
Oh, my god. After last week's Modern Love, I almost didn't read this in silent protest to how awful it was. This, however, is by far the best Modern Love I've read in the many years I've been reading it. Thank you for sharing such an intimate story of loss and resilience.
36
Wow. As so many have commented, thank you for writing this piece. Reading it has had a great impact on me. You both define what courage and love means.
16
This is a very moving story. And I'm so sorry that Ms Cousin-Frankel lost her sister. But shouldn't this essay have appeared elsewhere in the Times? Isn't this "Modern Love" column supposed to contain essays about romantic love?
5
I don't think so. Love is universal. People write about their parents and their children, and, as we see here, their siblings. Love, thankfully, is not reserved for romance.
58
I lost my young adult son over 5 years ago to suicide. My husband and I found him. The trauma, stunned disbelief and grief has followed us for years. We are doing well now, but it has been a long and difficult road. I, too, became a detective. I went through his phone, his wallet, called the girl who was the last person to speak to him before he took his life, anything I could think of to help me understand why he had done this. I was frantic in my search for answers to the unanswerable. I have the greatest of empathy for anyone who has suffered from a loved one's suicide, including the author of this piece. It is one of life's greatest tragedies; both for the individual whose life has ended in such a manner and for those left behind who struggle to cope with the "unfinished business" of such a death.
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The Modern Love column is consistently one of the best-written things I read all week, and this week's column is no exception.
19
A very touching piece. For all the bad that the internet brings into the world, this shows that it also brings good in helping you two find each other.
12
So many emotions from your beautiful story. Relief that you are talking so openly of a taboo subject. Sadness, of course, anger, guilt. And hope that death ended their anguish. My mother's ex-boyfriend, a wonderful man named Steve Futterman with whom I stayed close, committed suicide in the early 1980s by purposely neglecting to take his insulin. He had been a wilderness instructor who prized his freedom to roam and his survival skills, and coming down with sudden adult-onset diabetes kept him from doing what he loved. He wdnt put up with that, so he killed himself. I wish he wrote us a note. But I often hear his voice, counseling me, laughing at much more now-materialistic style, supporting (some of) my choices. Nearly 40 years- plus years later, your bravery in writing your story has me in grateful tears, grateful to you for reminding me I'm not the only mourner out there, and deeply grateful for the opportunity to have known and still love Steve. Before my mother subsequently passed away of cancer, she told me, "you can still talk to me after I die," and I still do talk to her and Steve. sometimes I feel clear on what they would have said in return and I allow myself to experience them as real. My condolences for your loss and pain. Thank you for writing this
34
I recently lost an old lover to suicide. Her fourth attempt that I know of. She was a charming, vivacious, intelligent and attractive woman. But she was also very troubled and troublesome. For my own sanity I had to drive her away. She got on with her life, married and seemed to be happy. Her friends said she was happy. And then the e-mail from a mutual friend. The horror and disbelief and confusion. I have no one I can ask. That door is closed. I must simply grieve in ignorance.
But this essay has helped a lot. I can use it as a foundation for my building of recovery and peace. Thank you.
But this essay has helped a lot. I can use it as a foundation for my building of recovery and peace. Thank you.
37
Lost my mother 18 months ago. Jumped out of a window. No note, no signs of major depression (although she struggled with anxiety). Her mind unraveled, she did not get the right treatment and in a moment of impulsive madness took her life on an afternoon in the middle of downtown NYC. I will never be the same. I will move forward and learn to live with it. But the sun just doesn't ever shine as bright anymore. I miss her.
61
@Crushed That's very sad. I'm so sorry that she was unable to get the care needed to alleviate her suffering and I'm sorry that you are having to face this loss.
30
Crushed, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of you mother. Thank you for sharing your story here. I wish you strength and love and light in your journey forward.
19
Dear Crushed, I lost my younger sister to suicide 41 years ago. Her death was something that became a "before/after scenario"...before Jamie died/after Jamie died. My mother and father, both now deceased, found her body, after she shot herself. Until she killed herself, nobody in my family knew that she was depressed or unhappy. It wasn't something that people really talked about back in 1975.
If I may offer a suggestion: I have done a lot of reading about suicide. Kay Redfield Jamison's book "Night Falls Too Fast", helped me tremendously. I met her once at a reading in Chicago and wanted to hold on to her forever. Her beautiful writing calmed me in a way nothing else has accomplished.
Andrew Solomon's "The Noonday Demon" also helped me greatly, as did William Styron's "Darkness Visible." Reading what others have felt and written about crushing depression won't bring back my sister...but they have helped me understand the fear and pain Jamie must have felt when she took her own life.
Dear, I hope you can find peace in some way. Please know that everyone who has experienced this with a family member or a dear friend would also wish you peace.
If I may offer a suggestion: I have done a lot of reading about suicide. Kay Redfield Jamison's book "Night Falls Too Fast", helped me tremendously. I met her once at a reading in Chicago and wanted to hold on to her forever. Her beautiful writing calmed me in a way nothing else has accomplished.
Andrew Solomon's "The Noonday Demon" also helped me greatly, as did William Styron's "Darkness Visible." Reading what others have felt and written about crushing depression won't bring back my sister...but they have helped me understand the fear and pain Jamie must have felt when she took her own life.
Dear, I hope you can find peace in some way. Please know that everyone who has experienced this with a family member or a dear friend would also wish you peace.
22
I want to thank the author and everyone who have shared their stories in this post. I lost my oldest sister Pilar to suicide, and there's not a day that I don't ask myself the questions the author ask herself. I'm really grateful to see that she was brave enough to share her story and many of you readers, followed. It makes me feel less alone and that we share something important, profound that we'll help us heal. Gracias!
59
You are a very good science writer.
5
Thank you for sharing your sad, beautiful story. I lost my sister, Marianne, to suicide 13 years ago. The truck driver who found her spoke at her memorial service. His words were simple, kind, and moving.
55
What an amazing story -- this will always be one of the best Modern Love columns. Even more than your terrible loss, it shows how none of us has all the pieces to understand loves and losses, and if we are very fortunate, we find a way to patch a fuller understanding together. Thank you, and very best wishes to you and the security guard for your continued connection and healing.
49
I'm in tears of gratitude. Twelve years ago I found my husband of ten years and may never know why. He also wouldn’t have wanted me or anyone else to live a shattered life because of his final act. You're story and words have given me a little more peace than I had before I read them, and that is a profound gift. Please consider writing more.
56
Thank you for sharing this extraordinary story with us.
18
This is one of the best Modern Love pieces I have yet to read. Thank you.
38
This was deeply moving. My heart goes out to the author and her family, as well as the to the security guard and to all who have been affected by suicide in some way. Suicide is a leading cause of death in the U.S. and yet it remains a taboo topic as most of us would prefer to turn a blind eye. Thank you to author for having the courage to share such a deeply personal (and painful) essay and to the NY Times for publishing it.
52
Beautifully written and beautiful sentiments. Sad and uplifting at the same time. Thank you. Crying now.
21
My older sister passed away few years ago . A person who loved to work, wouldn't mind to do extra hours or weekends . I always believed that her coworkers knew her better than us siblings did. I tried to talk to them but hit cold shoulders , none wanted to have anything to do with me( us, her family ), because she fought frequently with her boss, she didn't agree on how he did the job, my sister was the only one who challenged him, the rest scared of retaliations or losing their jobs. I wish I could find one as my "security guard" from where she work one day. Beautiful story and thanks for sharing .
19
@JENNIFER COUZIN-FRANKEL Touching. Amazing that 2 souls joined by death found each other and such warmth toward each other, bound only by a gruesome thread. Nowhere did you suggest your sister was troubled then or had a troubled life, ... Maybe she was just ready to move on, ... As you (and your nameless security guard) have now been able to. Your security guard friend is a hero, reaching out, hoping to find caring family, wanting to share her experience.
11
Unfortunately Steph's obituary provided a detail "our" chronicler couldn't or wouldn't bring herself to write, "But bad things happened in her life, unleashing forces inside to which she finally succumbed." Those, "bad things" add another layer of confusion. Still, an incredibly moving presentation by a pained sister who by a chance encounter is healing. Thank you and good luck.
4
I assure you, J, that the lady's reasons for taking her life are not relevant to the story. It's not a story about what caused her to take her own life, it's the story of the love a woman has for a sister who took her own life, and learning to live with that knowledge. The love she has for a friendship and ultimately love for life.
42
My mother-in-law set herself on fire in the middle of a two-lane country road,
where she was discovered by a teenage boy on his way home from an evening
with his buddies. I had to tell my husband not only that his mother was dead but that she had killed herself in the most gruesome of ways. Even after forty years I wonder about that young man. How did he recover from that gruesome discovery? Or more likely, did he ever recover? We were never told his name, so we couldn't offer him some explanation by telling him that
she was bipolar and off her meds and that her last months had been a source
of intolerable pain for her. Perhaps we were, in the end, trying to offer ourselves some consolation, persuading ourselves that we were not complicit in her death, but the questions never go away.
where she was discovered by a teenage boy on his way home from an evening
with his buddies. I had to tell my husband not only that his mother was dead but that she had killed herself in the most gruesome of ways. Even after forty years I wonder about that young man. How did he recover from that gruesome discovery? Or more likely, did he ever recover? We were never told his name, so we couldn't offer him some explanation by telling him that
she was bipolar and off her meds and that her last months had been a source
of intolerable pain for her. Perhaps we were, in the end, trying to offer ourselves some consolation, persuading ourselves that we were not complicit in her death, but the questions never go away.
41
I read these Modern Love stories voraciously, but sometimes I find myself saying, "where is the love?" or "drama is not love ". Oddly, your heartbreakingly beautiful story reminds me that there IS so much love in the world. Thanks for sharing it.
xoxo
xoxo
46
So many people struggle to find their way through. Even after years this article helps deal with something which will never be resolved. The experience walks with me, forever, a usually silent stranger but at times demanding attention and consideration. Thanks for this.
19
"The experience walks with me, forever, a usually silent stranger but at times demanding attention and consideration."
Exactly.
Exactly.
4
Shedding tears of gratitude. Twelve years ago I found my husband of ten years and may never know why. He also wouldn’t have wanted me or anyone else to live a shattered life because of his final act. Your words have given me a little more peace. That ability is a profound gift; do consider writing more.
16
Lovely and moving. Thank you for writing so poignantly about your loss and your journey.
12
While my day has now started with tears, I am grateful it began reading this unforgettable portrait of human connection. I can't imagine what it took to live this journey - and then write about it - but thank you to the author.
7
This made me cry as I thought of a dear friend who died at a young age. I am glad that you found peace just as I eventually did.
9
So sorry for your loss. Your story is so beautiful and touching. I am in tears.
5
This is such a beautiful story. I'm so sorry for the author's loss. How rich that the author and the security guard could connect and be there for one another.
This kindness, generosity between two people who began as strangers is remarkable.
This column will stay with me for a long time to come.
This kindness, generosity between two people who began as strangers is remarkable.
This column will stay with me for a long time to come.
19
Sad, powerful, beautiful. A very moving story.
Deep condolences to the author, and to the security guard.
Deep condolences to the author, and to the security guard.
15
What a beautiful piece. I hope for you and every other survivor out there that you may find solace and peace in the future. It has been over 20 years since my mother killed herself and I am still mired in my past pain.
18
Choked up...
I am relieved you two found each other and gave each other what no one else could.
I am relieved you two found each other and gave each other what no one else could.
14
I see from a little research that the tragedy happened in Toronto. The kindness and concern expressed by the security officer reaffirms my belief in the essential decent nature of Canadians.
13
I am so glad you found each other. Stories like this breathe new life into my hope for humanity. Best wishes, and I'm sorry for your loss.
8
An incredible story. Thank you for sharing. Much love to you both.
63
This is so wonderful! My husband shot himself 4 years ago. He left our house and went to a light-industrial area where a security guard found him in his car with the flashers on. I know that he was protecting me from having to find him, but I have often thought about the person who came across the car. So unfair to him (maybe her?) to have to deal with the gruesome scene. I have thought about trying to find them, but didn't have the fortitude, and I even try to avoid driving by the area. I'm going to content myself with thinking it was a kind person and leave it at that. But this story makes my heart lighter for you and your experience, and strangely a bit lighter for mine also. Thank you for this gift.
140
I, too, lost a husband to suicide. 7 years ago. He also arranged it so that no loved one would find him, and I also find myself thinking about the people who did. I always thought I kept returning to those thoughts because of the particularly traumatic method he used, but perhaps it's a more universal thought process. I still find myself feeling a lot of compassion for the first responders, and somehow even worrying about them and wondering if they ever still think about it.
I don't usually enjoy the Modern Love columns, but this one is wonderful. Thank you to the author.
I don't usually enjoy the Modern Love columns, but this one is wonderful. Thank you to the author.
6
What an amazing story, beautifully told. I am heartened to hear you found some peace.
85
Your stories - yours and your security guard's - are so profoundly moving. Thank you for reminding me of the goodness in the human heart.
69
One of the very best Modern Love essays in a long time. So many different kinds of love here. Beautiful.
150
Crying.......
34
Me too. Much love to all in the writer's family, and the guard too.
7
Another reminder of why I love this column so much.
47
Wow. This was so deeply moving, it brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. What a wonderful reminder that good people are hidden in every pocket of our lives, and the incredible friendships that can form when we choose to open our hearts.
122
Thank you for sharing that. Thank you unnamed security guard for being smart, loving, and caring. As we move through our time on Earth, we touch each other's lives in inexplicable ways. No matter how a connection is made, if it brings you clarity, comfort, or peace, then it's wonderful.
120
Beautiful essay. My sister is my world. I can't imagine life without her. Thank goodness Ms. Couzin-Frankel was able to find someone with whom she coulc share her grief & love for her sister.
48
Jennifer, Thank you for sharing your story. I was very moved, as I lost my little sister, Lucy, to suicide 15 months ago. She was 8 years younger than I.
I have wanted to write Lucy's story, but my faucet is stuck shut. I will reread your article from time to time to know there are others out there who share this pain...and that healing is possible. Thank you for your eloquence.
I have wanted to write Lucy's story, but my faucet is stuck shut. I will reread your article from time to time to know there are others out there who share this pain...and that healing is possible. Thank you for your eloquence.
192
I wish you peace!
22
Beautiful. I needed this column today; humans being good and honorable to each other because it feels like our world has gone mad.
167
What a lovely connection, despite the terrible circumstance. Certainly this unusual bond has helped you both. How peculiar (lucky is the wrong word, isn't it?) to get a chance to understand the plain facts of your sister's death in a way that so many loved ones can only wish for.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss.
79
Lovely. Thank you for writing this. Sometimes, we have unlikely friendships that offer healing. And thank you to your security guard. I know she is an integral part of this.
60
So lovely and heartbreaking at the same time. Glad you found each other. Thank you for sharing this.
55
This took my breath away. Thank you.
50
A truly wonderful piece. I am so glad that you both found each other, I'm not a psychologist, but it seems to me that the two of you are best equipped to help each other work through this trauma. My very best wishes to both of you as you continue to recover.
86