Pride After Orlando

I am struck, not by bullets or hate. Bullets and hate ripped into flesh, ending lives, destroying love, tearing apart families, friends, communities. Stopping the pulse.
I am struck, aware of my pulse, slowing in shock, quickening in anger, bleeding in pain, sorrow and love. I feel the hate behind the bullets; it''s familiar burn.
I am struck with the assassin's hate. His pulse choked by hate. He sensed his pulse was the same as theirs. Did he really believe murder would release his pulse from hatred? Hatred from within harms too.
I am struck by my pounding pulse. Ever stronger in every fiber of my being. Pulsing pride in my being, my community. I pulse with gays, queers, trans, daddies, fems, bears, leather, queens, kink.
I am struck by the pulse of my pride. Pride in my kink, my leather, the things I do with other men that can't be politely discussed. I am proud of things most people never think about; society accepting them as they are.
Pulse now helps me soar like an eagle, a rainbow in my wake. Pulse solidified my pride. I soar, daring Hate to tear me out of the sky.
In the wake of tragedy, I know the Pulse will continue, louder, insistent, irrepressible. I soar for all who need Pride, whose pulse is choked. I plead every able person to soar, creating freedom, beauty, opportunity, community.
The memories of tragedy will burn, tears staining our faces, hate pulling at our wings. Yet, our pulse will beat with pride, soaring above, together forever.

A compelling piece. However, I feel it's necessary to point out that it reflects the perspective of only some gays. The views expressed do not represent those of LGBT people as a whole.

The LGBT population includes those who variously don't drink, are offended by public nudity, and have never identified with or participated in rebellion.

"That is what gay people do" is never a true statement.

To the NYT: Branum's piece and others from large urban areas are appropriate and welcome. But you need to also share with readers the views and experiences of more diverse segments of the LGBT population. Maybe see what gay NRA members in Wyoming have to say about Orlando. Think outside the box a little more, please.

After Orlando people are finally realizing that we're all in this together. No one is excluded. We are the LGBTS community. This week there's a gay march, a lesbian march, a transgender march, a can't make up my mind march, with men or women in drag sprinkling magical fairy dust and everyone's invited to dance, listen to the music, and have... fun. It's also been mandatory in SF for years that VIP politicians make an appearance to show their solidarity so it may be your only chance to tell them to fix the damn streets.
The most powerful image from a march too long ago and one I will never forget was that of a woman marching alone. She walked, her chest exposed, with only one breast and a scar where her other beast had been removed and she smiled, radiant as she wept. I still don't fully understand the emotion that was so overwhelming, but part of what she said to me was,
Get over it, this is who I am. My suffering and pain is far worse than yours but I am far more than the pain and suffering. And so are you.

I believe that the foundation of homophobia and violence against LGBTs is the simple fact that our culture, and all cultures, does not allow anybody to be and express and take pride in their true selves. Culture does not even allow us to discover our true selves. From the earliest age, we are fit into boy-girl mold, then a religious mold, then a class mold, then an occupational and economic mold. Certainly, in American culture progress has been made to encourage or allow individuals to make their own choices, to be "free to be me," but there are still penalties for everyone who chooses to be "different," to take a different path in life than their parents or peers, to follow their own dreams and make their own music. We call ourselves a culture of individualism but we really aren't. And when those of us who are straight find our individuality is discouraged, compromised and penalized in a thousand ways, we resent those, like proud LGBTs, who have the courage to demand respect for their human right to be themselves. We should all have that right.

Good piece. A couple differences to note. Chrissy below says it-in NYC it's always been a march. And LA's festivities are basically similar everywhere. Except first time I went was San Francisco. 1978. Harvey Milk was there. In those days in San Francisco it was not as much of a party, although it was one. Lots of people from all walks soberly, happily marching. Several years after Harvey was killed I went in the 80's to the parade and was shocked at how it had somewhat degenerated. The naked inebriation did not seem fun at all. It was 82 and the community was headed for disaster. So, we have seen violence in the gay community since day 1. If you were of age in the 1980's it would really have scared you, as it did everyone.

Thanks for writing this. But please reconsider this line:

The people who were at Pulse nightclub in Orlando on Saturday made the choice to be out and gay....

Those people did not make the choice to be gay; they absolutely chose to be out.

"Marches" not "Parades" - these are political events at their hearts.

I have never felt a need to go marching in a parade to help me feel good about who I am and hope very much that the day will come soon when nobody else does.

Obviously Gays or anyone other innocent people do not deserve to be murdered by radical Muslims or anyone else.
Regardless of Orlando, I think it is time the Gay community with the help of the press stopped taking words out of our lexicon an using them for their own purposes. First it was Gay and now Pride. Can we no longer be proud of anything or have pride in anything without there being a connotation to the Gay community? I think the media has to put a stop to this right now and if they wish to use Pride in connection with the Gay community the should say Gay Pride so we do not lose another very important and often used word for the 96% of our population that is not Gay.

Decades ago, I lived for a few months in a tiny fishing village in the Canary Islands. Everyday was 'groundhog' day; the serial sameness of one day to the next was it's charm, until it wasn't. I missed the diversity, however dysfunctional from time to time, of the USA. ORLANDO: A noun used to connote diversity, i.e. 'we should orlando our investments,' and 'that's an orlando group of students you've got in your class this year.' If somehow the fascists have their way and strip this country of it's orlando, we would lose the very ingredient that makes the creativity of our country so world class, so fecund. There are values in this country worth fighting and even dying for: Orlando is perhaps the most important of them.

Then I wonder if gay people understand the Koran. They just don't like you. Focus on them that wish you harm instead of this gun nonsense. When a religion despises you, what do you want to see? Love? Acceptance? How about they don't want to hear it.

Parades are fine but do not forget:

Bullet-Riddled Bodies Do Not Lie. GUNS KILL. Join the effort with full force to Get Them Off the Streets of America. WE must DEMAND that EVERY gun in America be REGISTERED on a national database with the Justice Department where law enforcement can access the records, state LICENSED and FULLY INSURED FOR LIABILITY.

Now is the time for the LGBT community to join the fight to bring civility and true security to public places so average people can live without fear.

"It’s a tragic, complex truth that means however revolting I find him, I also have sympathy for the ways shame and the inability to live honestly may have twisted this man into a murderer." Guy Branum

It is repressive societies and wrathful-god religions that made him and make millions of other L.G.B.T. people feel shame to accept themselves and fear to live openly, honestly. It appears this man had other unrelated anger issues since he was a young child. His family, society and his religion failed him. Instead of getting him help to resolve his anger, discover and support his identity and nurture his potential, they all denied him the care he needed, denied him the ability to accept himself, denied to accept him. He became a monster. His path to evil may have started early, but he was not born that way (unless you believe your god preaches against choosing evil while at the same time he creates it).

Thank you for a beautiful, sad
commentary. "Gay people understood the other very real possibility, that the attacker might be a man with homosexual desires whom society had filled with so much secret shame that he would do anything to prove his distance from the gay world. It’s a tragic, complex truth that means however revolting I find him, I also have sympathy for the ways shame and the inability to live honestly may have twisted this man into a murderer."

That statement blew me away with it's painful empathy - I cannot imagine what our world has done to you and you have twisted and turned it into a model of love and understanding few can achieve but all should respect and emulate. I salute you and say please, keep celebrating who you are; I know I will.

This is a ridiculous white-washing of the events by someone with the privilege to feel protection as his first reaction when he sees police officers, rather than the fear many brown people feel very day. Many of us hardly responded to 49 murders at a Latin night in a gay bar as a "distant act" and then went on to Pride brunch -- especially in a major Latino center such as Los Angeles (whose Pride, by the way, had been turned into a prohibitively expensive music festival until community protests brought down the price).

And many of us actually respect and understand Pride's activists roots. Yes, Pride is a place to have fun, but it's mostly a political gathering that leverages visibility and community action for change -- a concept that Barnum seems naively unfamiliar with here. Pride is not a concert, dear. Especially this year, it is a time when of our community -- that means the Latin part, too, Guy -- stands together, respecting and honoring each others' differences while acknowledging we're one movement and people.

Why the NYT chose to highlight a white voice right now is very telling and tragic. Please include more voices of color in opining on the events that directly affect us.

We are all dying due to the cruel math: Angry Young Men + Easy Access to Assault Weapons = Mass Murder. We have a political class that has the blood of all Americans on their hands and seems to care less--college students at Virginia Tech; high school students at Columbine; elementary school children in Newtown; African-American church parishioners in Charleston; and now gays in Orlando. Until and unless this becomes a major issue this fall these intransigent, mostly Republican, pro-gun murder politicians will continue to ignore the overwhelming will of the people and allow the culture of death to continue. I'm all for gay pride and have attended the San Francisco march many times, but this year it's time for all LGBTQs to mobilize and march to the polls this November and vote for representatives committed to eliminate "Easy Access to Assault Weapons" from the equation of death.

More than ever, it's not about the rights of one particular group of people, it's about the rights of all people to live in peace, and live as they please. Gay rights are civil rights. Gay pride is human pride.

This is a beautiful essay. Laughter does bubble up out of sadness.

Then you turn around and look the monster in the face.

I'll simply type this once again. In November 2015 three Republican candidates for president paraded themselves on stage with Kevin Swanson, a hate-full and vicious pastor who flings a bible around, rants and raves, and quotes Leviticus to convince the audience that all homosexuals in the US should be executed. He's on fire!

The Christian candidates who pandered to this nutcase were Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, and Bobby Jindal.

Rachel Maddow reported on the event. You really need to watch the tape to appreciate the ferocity of this man ... and the collusion of Cruz, Huckabee, Jindal. Representatives of the Republican Party.

Google "Maddow Swanson"

Absent from article is any mention of the motives of shooter in Orlando, the incompatabilty of homosexuality with Sharia Law , and the politicization of our security apparatus in favor of the appointment of aficionados of the Muslim Brotherhood who now have a deciding voice in who and who is not put on the terrorist watch list.Assassin was a true believer in the tradition of ISIS, and if the hands of law enforcement were not tied by political correctneess, he would have been caught before unleashing his fusillade in the discotheque. One must put one's self in the place of the severely wounded, who r still alive, but whose lives have been changed forever. If they spoke,would they not say,"Hang political correctness. Let law enforcement do its job, regardless of the ACLU, and if their hands were unfettered, our tragedy might have been avoided, and I would be walking around freely on two legs."When 10th Paratroop Division under Massu entered Algiers in 1956 at the behest of P..M GUY Mollet to dismantle FLN's terrorist cells , they were welcomed with open arms.No one objected to the "noyade a l'eau " and the "gegene"if the outcome of the interrogation resulted in preventing another "plastiquage We in the Western world will reach that same point of no return, and the end game will be the curtailing of civil liberties in return for security.Nothing worse thaan a terrorist outrage.

Best we cease voting for panderers who lure us all with talk of expanding our "rights" and instead start voting for those who will protect our lives.
See the true enemy, and it's not our straight neighbors, nor their churches, nor the larger American society. The enemy is them, their apologists, their mosques, their medieval mindset. Wise up brothers and sisters.

Pride in the humanity of each and every member of the one and only biological DNA genetic evolutionary human race is a morally worthy goal. But the "we" and "who" and "why" and "where" of Orlando must focus on who were the victims of this massacre in all of "their" and "our" diversity.

The L.G.B.T. community is racially colored ethnically and faith diverse beyond it's sexual orientation. The Orlando victims were predominantly black African and brown Latino Americans. With Puerto Rican Americans heavily represented on Latin Night. Being L.G.B.T. while black African and brown Latino is not like being L.G.B.T. while white. American history colored in enslavement and Jim Crow has placed black and brown L.G.B.T. beyond concealment in any closet for one part of their human reality. A part of their humanity that has drawn contempt, prejudice and hate.

Stonewall New York was a white L.G.B.T. uprising. In and out of the closet the white L.G.B.T. community is among the most socioeconomic political educational powerful cohorts in America. Not so the black and brown L.G.B.T.

Pride aka hubris is not the antithesis of shame. Indeed, pride along with the love of money, is among the gravest of sins. Being L.G.B.T., like race, color and ethnicity, is only one part of humanity. Acceptance of our common natural divine equal certain unalienable human rights can only happen outside of the closet. Confidence and acceptance are the answers to shame.

Thank you Mr. Branum.
You have brought tears to my eyes.
If only people could mind their own business; live and let live.
Why do others care so much about the sexual orientation of others or another example the need to decide what women can and can not do with their bodies.

March on!!

The sad truth is, of course, that nothing ever changes. Soon, the theatricals around Orlando will die down, Congress will do nothing and it will be quiet until the next massacre.

People will continue to hate, to discriminate at will. There will always be racism, sexism and all the other isms.

Each time something like this happens, I'm reminded of the song "You've Got to Be Carefully Taught" from "South Pacific." Each new generation reinvigorates bigotry and prejudice. That is something we do very well indeed.

I've been out of the closet for over fifty years. I wish this weren't true.

Orlando is such a tragedy. Innocent people died because Obama has a very soft stand on terrorism.

Pride after Orlando means we still have a long struggle before us and the fight for equality will continue.

Intolerance, ignorance, bigotry, and hatred still prevail in far too many American hearts.

But things are changing for the better and it means understanding, acceptance and equality are within our reach.

March with your heads up; millions and millions of straights are with you.

Guy, stay out and stay proud. We got your back, and we will stay there.

Donald Trump made up stories about Muslims dancing in the streets to celebrate 9/11

But there were Christians celebrating the slaughter in Orlando, and these stories were not made up.

It was shocking to hear of the |"Christian" ministers who were rejoicing at the killing of "sodomites and pedophiles" in Orlando. One said that if our government were truly Christian, it would execute these people "legally" rather than leaving it to lone gunmen.

Obviously for some Americans it is still open season on innocent LGBTQ citizens who have done nothing more than try to live normal lives. What is appalling is that there are plenty of people purporting to be Christian who would have been happy to have killed 49 people in Orlando in the name of Jesus.

And we have people claiming that Muslims are savages. What a nation!

Blacks protest by insisting that black lives matter and demanding civil rights. LGBT's parade and marry. Sorry, but I just don't get cheery protests. To me, they speak of fear of confrontation. I'll take Black Power over rainbows as the symbol of my protest. Rainbows are too frivolous.

This matter goes ominously far beyond parades, moving speeches, and candles held high in the dark. I have been through that for decades, from the slaughters of Harvey Milk, Matthew Shepard, and hundreds of others.

Unhinged loners, driven deeper into madness with distorted rage, will commit horrific acts of bloody carnage. But there is something even more chilling than that…

Those smoothly self-satisfied and respectable patricians like Paul Ryan and Mitch O'Connell who knowingly supply the mentally unstable with legal and rhetorical justifications to act on their hatred. By vilifying us, industriously laboring to deny us the most basic rights of citizenship, Ryan, O’Connell, and their ilk signal to their hateful minions our unworthiness to life itself.

And these cheerful merchants of profit and death go to extravagant lengths to insure that the demons they unleash will have easy access to firearms designed for mass murder. There is no innocence here, no unintended or accidental consequences.

The rage of a madman at least has its own fire, but the cool detachment of these sociopaths on Capitol Hill demonstrates that they feel nothing, nothing at all. And that is truly scary.

Apparently the author is too young to know this, but gay pride demonstrations in New York and San Francisco were not called "parades", they were called MARCHES. Like the march from Selma to Montgomery, they were civil rights marches - - and when they started and for years afterwards, this very newspaper, the "liberal" New York Times, refused to use the word "gay" and insisted in its style book and in its reporting on using "homosexual". We had civil rights to demand.
The most important : Not being threatened with prison in almost all states (including New York - - but not Illinois) for having private consensual sex with adults of our own sex and therefore being by legal definition criminals, having no entitlement to civil rights, that is, to places to live (landlords are not required to rent to tenants who engage in criminal activity), to public displays of affection ("lascivious carriage", "public lewdness"), to jobs in professions where " moral turpitude " was a disqualification, or to not being fired for being" homosexual "--and we still have no federal legal protection against the last nor any law against it in 28 States. Our marches were loud, boisterous, many colored, inter-racial, inter-ethnic, lascivious, down-to-earth, and in-your-face. We proudly proclaimed our rights and our right to be different, to be ourselves. We went out of the closet and into the streets. We were and are joyous - because we know that we are right. But we were angry too. I still am.

A kinder and gentler society may emerge from this tragedy. After all, this is American -- the melting pot of the world.

Thank you, Mr. Barnum!
It is extremely important that we gays March for Gay Pride.
We are a people,that with perhaps the exception of the last 50 years,
were essentially forbidden to live. Thousands of years of archaic religious
dogma and societal hatred made sure it was considered a sin and evil.
Please try to imagine the toll that, along with family pressure from the time
One is born,, takes on a child once he realizes he was born gay! How many
prayers have been said over thousands of years by gay people asking
God to please not make them feel the way they did!
Although great progress has been made in acceptance of gay people,
Homophobia remains rampant. Just tonight, I read an article stating
that someone in Houston tweeted that"there will be mass killings" at Houston's
Upcoming Gay Pride.
To the gentleman who posted on this site that these parades are somewhat
silly, I know differently. Maybe, if he'd suffered thousands of years of hatred
And oppression, he'd feel otherwise.
So , let's March with pride, never forgetting all those who died fighting
for the right, simply, to love.

It's not a parade. It's a march. It was always a march.

I don't even know where to begin from behind the tears your brutally beautiful exposition has reduced me to.

No one not still under the spell of a taught hate can read this without a similar response to the recognition that the broad human spectrum of our common humanity is what makes us simply and superbly human.

My God! ... what more can it take to acknowledge such a simple and self-evident truth?

By accident of birth I am a straight white male American born into a middle class NY family. I know not what it means to be gay, a woman, an African-American, an "other."

But I KNOW I am human, I KNOW I have that in common with everyone born anytime and anywhere, and I recognize myself in everything you long for and aspire to.

Thank you for your beautiful reminder.

This writer conspicuously leaves out bisexuals as people who have struggled with hate. I am astonished at the assumption that everyone in that club was homosexual. "Every gay, trans or lesbian adult I know had to fight hard against family and social training to be an out, proud person." I guess the B remains silent regardless of how many invocations it gets in the LGBT community as part of an acronym. Disappointing.

Mr. Branum rest assured that I and millions of other straight people all over the United States will be proud to march with you, dance with you and vote with you. Enjoy the parade.

Thanks, Guy, for the reminder that Gay Pride is and always has been a statement of defiance to those who want the L.G.B.T. community to be scared and ashamed.

The Orlando event is already forcing changes that have been stalled in politics.

Thank you!

I hope there are lots of Muslims marching in solidarity with their LGBT brethren. That would at least dispel the myth that Muslims in the US are homophobic.

Well said - thank you!

"June is pride month around the country, and it will continue to be."

Whenever I go to a gay bar (which is often), I always make sure the door opens outward (e.g., in case of a stampede), I always look for multiple fire exits, and I try to keep to an eye on who comes in and out. When I travel and go to a new gay bar, I ask a fellow patron if they have problems with the police or with other people around town. I think that Stonewall, New Orleans, and Orlando exemplify why I do these things. Whenever I go to a Pride parade, I keep an eye on the protesters and on anyone else who seems suspicious.

The day of the Orlando massacre, most of my closest gay friends cried. I felt numb that day, angry the next, and I cried the day after that. Nevertheless, nothing has changed. We've gone to gay bars already a couple times this week, despite Orland. (We will continue to go.) And we're going to the local Pride parade at the end of the month.

Sorry for being long-winded, but in other words, I agree with the author 100% on this statement. June is pride month around the country, and it will continue to be. Happy Pride

I was at The Abbey in West Hollywood on Friday with one of my best friends. I too, am homosexual and really resonate with how your Mom had contacted you, my Dad, who just found out about 6 months ago and is evolving positively about it, sent me a text the next day saying: "on my mind constantly...love you...dad <3", it said so little but it meant so much.

I didn't go to the Pride parade that next day given I was already extremely hungover (and to be honest, scared after they had arrested someone in Santa Monica with lots of guns). The parade was a literal walk from my apartment. My friend and I both sat on my couch hungover and watched CBSN on my TV, a few blocks away from the action. We talked about how that could have been us, how so many people that night were intoxicated and celebrating and had no idea or thought to check the news at that time.

I am going to Seattle in about a week to celebrate Seattle Pride with a college friend, I am fearful, but I will be present. I am building courage and resilience, and my community (gay and straight) is as well. We must progress for those who lost their lives progressing.

Thank you for sharing this.
The Minneapolis/Saint Paul Pride Parade will be June 26; I plan to march as a straight ally with the Minnesota Atheists, an organization that has supported equal rights for our LGBTQ friends and neighbors since it was founded. Please know that whatever pain you endure, there are a lot of us who are ready to offer you love and support.

Out of every evil, is born a good.
Bin Laden transformed our world -- for the better, because it united us as a stronger nation. Matten changed many hearts -- for the good, because it made them realize that LGBTs are as human as anyone else.

So many points, right on point!

Great piece Mr. Branum and thank you.

While I liked your writing... I'm afraid I see something more nefarious in the "claims" by some that the shooter was a closeted homosexual. I see these claims as a way to belittle the crime; falsely creating a narrative context of: "hey, after all it was one of their own that did this... he was already damaged... why should anybody be too surprised?"

Such "talk" seems similar to the way some murders of African Americans are called out as "black on black" violence vs. just being a horrific murder regardless of whether or not the perpetrator happened to be the same race as the victim.

I accept it is true that some homosexual people, before coming out, have lashed out at the very community they were secretly a "member of". However, with respect to this mass murderer, so far there has been little substantiated evidence he really was gay and yet certain people make the claim he was as if it were fact. They seem to relish including this piece of information when discussing what happened. This leads me to ask why they would do so? That is why I believe the people saying the shooter was gay have a malicious agenda in adding the claim the shooter was gay to the discussion. This was not your intent Mr. Branum, but by not questioning the assertion lends it credibility it doesn't yet deserve. Just as it's barely relevant the shooter happened to a Muslim. Hate is hate and evil is evil.

As a single heterosexual woman who has been dating in NYC for several years, it absolutely kills me when social conservatives try to use some strain of the argument that same-sex relationships somehow degrade heterosexual relationships. Heterosexuals do a fantastic job of thwarting and sabotaging their own love lives without help from anyone else. Especially in this city.

I hope this year's NYC Pride parade is as colorful, loud, and rebellious as ever.

As a proud married gay man, I fully understand that we should not allow the atrocities that took place in Orlando to stop us from celebrating who we are and leading normal lives but, speaking for myself, I have simply lost any desire to celebrate ANYTHING for the time being. The massacre in Orlando, together with the reaction of our government in NOT being able to implement changes in our heinous gun control laws has really taken a toll. Added to all this is the hateful rhetoric of this current campaign season and I am left feeling demoralized and out of touch with what's happening in this country. NOTHING good will come out of what happened in Orlando because when something is so completely horrible nothing good CAN result from it. I wish I could believe that marching in a parade would ease my anguish and help me to cope with the slaughter but I just don't have the ability to do that - I'm just too heartbroken to feel anything other than a sense of loss for the lives that were so violently cut short.

Tonight I went into my usual gay bar cum grill (there are 15 within walking distance). Perhaps it was the threat of rain, perhaps the fact that a street fair will take place tomorrow and a parade tomorrow night, perhaps because I eat early on Fridays and the crowds eat late, but the a place usually full to the gills on a night before the celebration of Pride was at half capacity. The TV screens usually showing the news played a vapid movie (who chose that?), the staff seemed somewhat dispirited, and the owners were talking quietly with a security office from local law enforcement. I would characterize the mood as subdued.

We cannot let fear conquer us and we shall not. We must be vigilant, we must keep up our guard (I would advocate controlled admission at Pride with searches of backpacks at checkpoints). But we must remain adamant in our celebration of life (even as we mourn the fallen) and adamant in our political cause: a federal amendment to civil rights statutes adding discrimination by reason of sexual orientation to be prohibited; a complete ban on selling military-type weapons and ammunition to civilians.

Alas, the Republicans in control of the Congress, despite their pious condolences, do not truly have any sympathy for the LGBT community or any other marginalized groups. So let us vote them out of office, starting in this state with Marco Rubio, who's part of the whole sorry Republican charade.

As a psychologist, I often see gay and bi men who acknowledge that they went through a period of time when they had what's called internalized homophobia.

We'll probably never know what was really going on in the mind of the Orlando killer, but perhaps this horrible event will inspire others who recognize this self-loathing to get help before doing harm.

Seek out licensed therapists who have had experience with internalized
homophobia and are not rigidly bound to religious traditions.