I proposed to my husband in 2006. We were in our 20s and I knew that he was so much in love with me that he would say yes. However, I was a little afraid that he was mad, that I stole his proposal moment. He was astonished, instantly said yes and he loved being asked by me. Why? Because he is strong and self-confident enough to love an equally self confident woman. This is one of the reasons I love him for and I think that many man can't handle that.
The question of who proposes is the wrong discussion to have. A better discussion would be why, in the year 2017, is marriage still an institution that we need and that should be put on such a pedestal? I get if you're superstitious and it's part of some kind of tradition or religious obligation. I don't understand how any secular person, atheist or agnostic, could possibly feel compelled to be married.
Well, if you don't understand, you don't understand.
I don't know, would things have been just as good if my husband and I had simply decided to live together instead of marrying? Perhaps, but I'll never know because I accepted his proposal and we've both been delighted with the results for over thirty years.
I don't know, would things have been just as good if my husband and I had simply decided to live together instead of marrying? Perhaps, but I'll never know because I accepted his proposal and we've both been delighted with the results for over thirty years.
Generally, it should not matter who proposes. You should know each other well enough that the answer is already known. In which case, romantic tradition is fun, at least for some.
If you've simply run out of patience, then a discussion is more suitable than spoiling what should be a lovely memory with an ultimatum...speaking as someone happily married for 25 years who spoiled that memory when she didn't have to.
If you've simply run out of patience, then a discussion is more suitable than spoiling what should be a lovely memory with an ultimatum...speaking as someone happily married for 25 years who spoiled that memory when she didn't have to.
3
We were living together for almost 4 years- young and in love in NYC. I decided I wanted to get married and if he didn't then ok but I would move out. I thought I would just become increasingly more resentful. He said he hadn't really thought it ( he was 25 and I 27). I gave him until the coffee filters ran out and yes, they were full. He came around and we will be married 40 years in October.
3
I had a few boyfriends in my 20s, even a steady one that I loved very much at the time, but until I met my husband, all of those young men I dated viewed marriage and family as kind of a trap. I knew from a young age that I wanted a husband and children of my own someday, but in the urban circles I ran in, that desire was often seen as limiting and socially awkward. To propose to any of those young men - even the steady boyfriend - would have come across as desperate.
I didn't particularly like being seen as a socially awkward husband-hunter. And when I met my husband, he didn't see me that way at all (he was equally confident about wanting a family - I guess that helped). But the cultural impressions stuck. We kind of both agreed one night that we'd much rather get married than just move in together, but I still wanted him to properly propose to me. Which he did, God bless him.
I didn't particularly like being seen as a socially awkward husband-hunter. And when I met my husband, he didn't see me that way at all (he was equally confident about wanting a family - I guess that helped). But the cultural impressions stuck. We kind of both agreed one night that we'd much rather get married than just move in together, but I still wanted him to properly propose to me. Which he did, God bless him.
2
I asked. We were married for 35 years. As part of the divorce process, however, he said he never really wanted to get married in the first place..."the go along, to get along" idea. Made me really sad to know that, although it did explain the panic attacks--complete with hospital visits--he had before the wedding.
The romantic fairy tale business of weddings....
Fiction. Pure fiction.
Well maybe not of weddings, but Marriage....that's the tough part. So many people confuse the idea of wedding and marriage. They aren't the same.
bikiniwaxchronicles.com
The romantic fairy tale business of weddings....
Fiction. Pure fiction.
Well maybe not of weddings, but Marriage....that's the tough part. So many people confuse the idea of wedding and marriage. They aren't the same.
bikiniwaxchronicles.com
16
Because you had a tough marriage does not mean everyone does. I have never understood the "Marriage takes work" idea. If it takes that much work, you should not be together. We have been married 33 years and not a day of it has been work; my home continues to be a haven from the work required to survive in the areas outside our doors.
3
Looking at the date of this comment, all I can say is, "Better late than never."
Yes; marriage does take work, successful, happy content, marriage. There are, indeed, marriages that, like yours, simply succeed without the work with which we are all familiar. But they are rare.
How rare? Take a look at how many 'Recommends' your comment received.
Yes; marriage does take work, successful, happy content, marriage. There are, indeed, marriages that, like yours, simply succeed without the work with which we are all familiar. But they are rare.
How rare? Take a look at how many 'Recommends' your comment received.
5
I asked, he accepted. The year was 1988. Did the marriage last? For twenty years. Why did I ask? He was a scientist member of the counter culture, I was a medical school professor whose phone often rang at 2 AM with a resident physician calling to ask me a question about a patient. We were both faculty at the same school and I was not comfortable with his voice being the one answering a call. He didn't see a problem. So when he wanted me to promise I would never leave him, I said I would - if we were married. He agreed. That was the year that the novel "Love in the Time of Cholera" was everywhere, and I realized through both the book and my life, that there is a goodness is making a marriage early on in the relationship. That's not a date, that's your husband and you are more careful of each other.
7
Why did you divorce?
3
Most of the men I know would be on board with women taking more of the initiative from everything to going on a date to marriage proposals but there is the risk of rejection that comes along with that territory.. including the tougher shell that necessarily requires a self-image change as to what role women play in courtship. We can start by abandoning the one-sided engagement-ring ritual, elaborate income-gouging wedding dresses and other symbols of gender disparity that glorify one sex's worth over another.. aren't we equal partners in this?
18
And then there are the Wodaabe....