Watching her rationalize her son's muderouus actions is nauseating. She blames ingnorance and Eric Harris, but never herself. A vile person.
4
Actually she does blame herself.
4
I read the book. I thought it was great and that law enforcement people should read it as a primary source. Sue Klebold desperately needed something good for finishing out her life. To that end she has knocked herself out with suicide prevention groups. I have had experiences with suicides and like so many other people was completely fooled as to the person's state of mind. So she has found a very worthy cause. She may even save a lot of lives doing this work.
I have two things I want to add.
1) I am a lawyer. I have read everything about this case. If anyone was culpable it was the sheriff's department. Brooks' mother complained about Harris's website to the Sheriff, which was violent and almost a blueprint for his future. The Sheriff checked the site, saw she was right and said he would do the paper work to get a warrant to search Eric Harris's house. HE NEVER DID SO. HE DROPPED IT. If there is anyone who should be walking about with a ton of guilt, that guy is the person.
2) I got clinical depression as a teenager. This was in the later 1960s. I tried to get whatever was wrong with me diagnosed. I tried to get help. I tried from age 16-24 and was misdiagnosed time after time. Since I looked fine and performed fine, they concluded I must be fine. At age 24, I finally got a psychiatrist who properly diagnosed me and prescribed the right drugs and talk therapy. This still occurs, especially to teens.
I have two things I want to add.
1) I am a lawyer. I have read everything about this case. If anyone was culpable it was the sheriff's department. Brooks' mother complained about Harris's website to the Sheriff, which was violent and almost a blueprint for his future. The Sheriff checked the site, saw she was right and said he would do the paper work to get a warrant to search Eric Harris's house. HE NEVER DID SO. HE DROPPED IT. If there is anyone who should be walking about with a ton of guilt, that guy is the person.
2) I got clinical depression as a teenager. This was in the later 1960s. I tried to get whatever was wrong with me diagnosed. I tried to get help. I tried from age 16-24 and was misdiagnosed time after time. Since I looked fine and performed fine, they concluded I must be fine. At age 24, I finally got a psychiatrist who properly diagnosed me and prescribed the right drugs and talk therapy. This still occurs, especially to teens.
8
please explain the last sentence:
"This is writing as action, bursting from a life so choked by circumstance that she could express that sentiment only from within the safety of a 300-page book."
What is bursting? writing or action? i'm confused.
"This is writing as action, bursting from a life so choked by circumstance that she could express that sentiment only from within the safety of a 300-page book."
What is bursting? writing or action? i'm confused.
2
Your child's teacher takes you aside to express their concern about the violence expressed in the child's assignment. You don't pull out all the stops to actually take a look at the assignment. That's a problem. Still, would it have predicted what happened? Probably not, at least in 1999.
4
She did see it, but it was after.
GUNS!! Guns were in his room, the parents never went in his room.
Children should not have guns. Trickle down from the NRA to the politicians, to the families and the dead children. A great loss totally preventable with highly restrictive gun control. A gunnless society is a safe society. Look at the statistics of gun restricted countries compared to the USA.
Children should not have guns. Trickle down from the NRA to the politicians, to the families and the dead children. A great loss totally preventable with highly restrictive gun control. A gunnless society is a safe society. Look at the statistics of gun restricted countries compared to the USA.
2
Guns were NOT in Dylan's room. They were in Eric Harris' room. The article and her book both stated she repeatedly searched Dylan's room and found nothing.
3
And then there is the disproportionality that relative availability of really lethal force brings to the situation.
I don't pretend to be any sort of expert, but I have read that in contemporary China there has been a mini epidemic of obviously mentally ill young people going on knife wielding rampages, and killing people in the process.
But nothing like the body count a mentally ill -- and/or terroristically motivated -- person in the US can rack up if he's (she's, San Bernardino) wielding an AK-47 or similar weapon.
Thank you Wayne LaPierre -- and the management of the NRA.
As well as every Republican and, alas, even some Democratic legislators cowed by the NRA.
Can you say Bernie Sanders? Or Hillary Clinton and even Barack Obama in the 2008 POTUS campaign?
Thank you Mitch McConnell. Thank you Antonin Scalia. Thank you Paul Ryan.
Without your 2nd Amendment contributions to our democracy, I guess we'd all ... well ... just be living in China.
Or some such conclusion that I'm sure every candidate on the Republican Debate stage tonight would offer if asked the question in this form.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You're all Constitutional geniuses.
I don't pretend to be any sort of expert, but I have read that in contemporary China there has been a mini epidemic of obviously mentally ill young people going on knife wielding rampages, and killing people in the process.
But nothing like the body count a mentally ill -- and/or terroristically motivated -- person in the US can rack up if he's (she's, San Bernardino) wielding an AK-47 or similar weapon.
Thank you Wayne LaPierre -- and the management of the NRA.
As well as every Republican and, alas, even some Democratic legislators cowed by the NRA.
Can you say Bernie Sanders? Or Hillary Clinton and even Barack Obama in the 2008 POTUS campaign?
Thank you Mitch McConnell. Thank you Antonin Scalia. Thank you Paul Ryan.
Without your 2nd Amendment contributions to our democracy, I guess we'd all ... well ... just be living in China.
Or some such conclusion that I'm sure every candidate on the Republican Debate stage tonight would offer if asked the question in this form.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You're all Constitutional geniuses.
2
Let me get this out of the way first: in my opinion this book is inappropriate, given the circumstances. I understand that any money made from it is to be used charitably, but I still view the thing with distaste.
Putting that aside, I suspect that Dylan Klebold was a follower under the influence of a toxic friendship. Yes, he sounds like a troubled, angry kid, but he also comes across as a vulnerable young man who found some kind of validation in planning this violent act. Are parents responsible for the sins of their children? It depends on how complicit, negligent, or oblivious they are. Some kids are so opaque that their meltdowns seem to come from nowhere. Others send up flags at every turn. The mother of the Sandyhook killer was an enabler who encouraged her son's gun habit, provided weapons, and did not intervene as her clearly disturbed son cut himself off from the world. The boy's father seems to have written his son off. They deserved a large dose of blame for failing to act. Sue Klebold says she worried about her son and did her best. But did she? I don't think she (or her husband) did enough. That doesn't mean I blame her for her son's actions, but only that based on what I read here and have read in other reviews and excerpts from her book, I see a woman who knew something was very wrong but still held back.
Putting that aside, I suspect that Dylan Klebold was a follower under the influence of a toxic friendship. Yes, he sounds like a troubled, angry kid, but he also comes across as a vulnerable young man who found some kind of validation in planning this violent act. Are parents responsible for the sins of their children? It depends on how complicit, negligent, or oblivious they are. Some kids are so opaque that their meltdowns seem to come from nowhere. Others send up flags at every turn. The mother of the Sandyhook killer was an enabler who encouraged her son's gun habit, provided weapons, and did not intervene as her clearly disturbed son cut himself off from the world. The boy's father seems to have written his son off. They deserved a large dose of blame for failing to act. Sue Klebold says she worried about her son and did her best. But did she? I don't think she (or her husband) did enough. That doesn't mean I blame her for her son's actions, but only that based on what I read here and have read in other reviews and excerpts from her book, I see a woman who knew something was very wrong but still held back.
6
I don't see that.
5
It is a tremendous tool for all parents.
5
There is no manual, play book or daily top ten list to check. I, we, can only try as hard as possible to be the best parents we can be. Children grow up, some faster, some sicker, some injured, some smarter. They have their own thoughts, personalities, and problems. Being involved with them, not just there for them, is how you know your child's moods, personality, and needs. In the end, however, we can only be as good a parent as we ourselves were raised to be.
No One can ever, ever know what happens inside the walls of a family home. Regardless of Ms. Klebold's attempt...and I have great sympathy and admiration for her....it's the tip of the iceberg.
7
no lie
Dylan Klebold was a "cutter" and if self mutilization isn't a desperate cry for help- I don't know what could be. His journal/diary shows a mentally ill troubled young man. His open racial slurs should have been offensive and worrisome to Mrs. Klebold. They chose to turn a blind eye to their obviously troubled son. The past cannot be changed, but going public now is self serving and insensitive to the true helpless victims.
3
or,,, perhaps it's cathartic for her and provides some scintilla of understanding, reckoning, apology to the parents of those killed and wounded. I don't see what she has to gain by doing this.
4
Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. In 1999, we did not have a national or cultural history of the child who turns into a mass murderer of his peers. It had never happened before. As others have noted in the comments, many school shootings later, it's *still* incredibly hard to see this coming, or to stop it, unless a kid really steps out of line with illegal antisocial behavior. How much harder was it for a parent in 1999 to see the signs? Much can be understood about the difficulties faced by the Klebolds only through a contextual and historical lens.
It took a heck of a lot to write a book like this. She deserves thanks for her efforts, on behalf of any and all potential future angry young killers from the heart of suburbia. The fact that it took 16-17 years to do this only shows how aweful and terrible this has been for these parents.
She's a victim too.
It took a heck of a lot to write a book like this. She deserves thanks for her efforts, on behalf of any and all potential future angry young killers from the heart of suburbia. The fact that it took 16-17 years to do this only shows how aweful and terrible this has been for these parents.
She's a victim too.
15
Well when he and his bud got arrested for robbery, it was so nice they basícally were given a hug and a kiss by our unequally applied, depends on who you are, justice system.
So-called "good" home or not, committing robbery, ESPECIALLY if you are from a "good" home, is a sign that something is very, very wrong.
So-called "good" home or not, committing robbery, ESPECIALLY if you are from a "good" home, is a sign that something is very, very wrong.
11
Neither Dylan Klebold nor his mother and father are rightfully blamed for the tragedy at Columbine High School, rather the entire cosmos is.
Sue Klebold's memoir, A Mother's Reckoning, is a heart-wrenching read. I am sorry that she lost her son. That she did so in such an unimaginable way, and is now doing what she is doing to maximize the well-being of others... words fail to express how grateful I am that she is who she is.
She is making the world a safer, better place using love.
I hope she inspires billions of others to do the same.
Sue Klebold's memoir, A Mother's Reckoning, is a heart-wrenching read. I am sorry that she lost her son. That she did so in such an unimaginable way, and is now doing what she is doing to maximize the well-being of others... words fail to express how grateful I am that she is who she is.
She is making the world a safer, better place using love.
I hope she inspires billions of others to do the same.
13
No, parenting is not easy. It has never been easy. It requires more than ensuring one's children have safe homes and adequate food and suitable educations.
It requires not just intelligent choices but listening to one's intuition and acting on that as necessary. It requires having the courage to irritate, annoy and anger your children when necessary, in the interests of long-term health and wellbeing as opposed to immediate gratification.
As another commenter has already asked--why was Dylan allowed to continue to associate with Eric after their first act of lawbreaking? Counting the hours they worked together at a local pizza place (info per another commenter), they may have spent more waking hours together than with their families.
None of us knows the truth about the Klebold family. But from the clues given in this review alone, it sounds as though self-absorbed parents were more concerned with the outward signs of a prosperous middle-class life than with the profound needs of their two troubled sons. Did the Klebolds not want to cause upset in their social circle by insisting the Harrises help them to separate their children? Why did they not relentlessly monitor their sons' time?
Perhaps the most truthful thing Mrs. Klebold reveals here is her hope that Dylan had died. He had become the ultimate burden...
It requires not just intelligent choices but listening to one's intuition and acting on that as necessary. It requires having the courage to irritate, annoy and anger your children when necessary, in the interests of long-term health and wellbeing as opposed to immediate gratification.
As another commenter has already asked--why was Dylan allowed to continue to associate with Eric after their first act of lawbreaking? Counting the hours they worked together at a local pizza place (info per another commenter), they may have spent more waking hours together than with their families.
None of us knows the truth about the Klebold family. But from the clues given in this review alone, it sounds as though self-absorbed parents were more concerned with the outward signs of a prosperous middle-class life than with the profound needs of their two troubled sons. Did the Klebolds not want to cause upset in their social circle by insisting the Harrises help them to separate their children? Why did they not relentlessly monitor their sons' time?
Perhaps the most truthful thing Mrs. Klebold reveals here is her hope that Dylan had died. He had become the ultimate burden...
5
I agree listening to your intuition is vital. The Klebold's admittedly had concerns, evidenced by the fact that they searched Dylan's room for drugs. Why, then, when a concerned teacher contacted them regarding a worrisome essay did they not even read it? They knew his friendship with Eric was not healthy, but did nothing about it. As a wise person once said, there is no end zone in parenting- we don't spike the ball when they turn 18, or 21, or ever. Parenting a teen is never easy, especially with special circumstances. From personal experience, I know, it is horrible to have to snoop, stalk, sometimes restrict a teen. Even getting proper help from a qualified professional can be a nightmare. I was not a perfect parent, but I was vigilant, and tireless when it came to ensuring that my kids were on the right track. Rationalizing that they did the best they could, that they thought love was enough, is an insult to the victims of the massacre. I am not unsympathetic to the Klebold's, but, going public now, seems self serving. Mrs. Klebold's first responsibility at this point should be to respect the needs and feelings of the victims that truly had no control over this tragedy.
3
"why was Dylan allowed to continue to associate with Eric after their first act of lawbreaking?"
That's nearly impossible. My best friend and I were found publicly intoxicated and taken to the juvenile officer in 1967. My parents blamed him and his blamed me. We were forbidden to associate again.
So we stayed away from each other's homes for a while until things cooled down and eventually nothing was said when I dropped by one day after school. About two weeks.
He talked me into applying for the best job I've ever had. I bailed him out after a DUI arrest.
We're still friends after 52 years. We live in different states and rarely see each other but one of us picks up the phone and it's like old times again.
That's nearly impossible. My best friend and I were found publicly intoxicated and taken to the juvenile officer in 1967. My parents blamed him and his blamed me. We were forbidden to associate again.
So we stayed away from each other's homes for a while until things cooled down and eventually nothing was said when I dropped by one day after school. About two weeks.
He talked me into applying for the best job I've ever had. I bailed him out after a DUI arrest.
We're still friends after 52 years. We live in different states and rarely see each other but one of us picks up the phone and it's like old times again.
4
"There but by the grace of God..."
I'm astonished (yet not surprised) by the comments I've read. An eerie testament to the fact that a child is MORE THAN a product of his parents' influence... what an unforgiving, self-centered world we live in. And there it is.
I'm astonished (yet not surprised) by the comments I've read. An eerie testament to the fact that a child is MORE THAN a product of his parents' influence... what an unforgiving, self-centered world we live in. And there it is.
9
Well said, thank you.
1
"And we can seek no reasons, 'cause there ARE no reasons... What reason do you need to be SHOWN... ?" --I Don't Like Mondays
4
Lyrics from the Boomtown Rats song about the first really publicized school shooter, Brenda Spencer, who killed 2 and wounded 9 at Cleveland Elementary in San Diego January 29, 1979.
The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload.
And nobody's gonna go to school today,
She's going to make them stay at home.
And daddy doesn't understand it,
He always said she was as good as gold.
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.
The telex machine is kept so clean
As it types to a waiting world.
And mother feels so shocked,
Father's world is rocked,
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little girl.
Sweet 16 ain't so peachy keen,
No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.
All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys a while.
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die.
And then the bullhorn crackles,
And the captain crackles,
With the problems and the how's and why's.
And he can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to die?
The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload.
And nobody's gonna go to school today,
She's going to make them stay at home.
And daddy doesn't understand it,
He always said she was as good as gold.
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.
The telex machine is kept so clean
As it types to a waiting world.
And mother feels so shocked,
Father's world is rocked,
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little girl.
Sweet 16 ain't so peachy keen,
No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.
All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys a while.
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die.
And then the bullhorn crackles,
And the captain crackles,
With the problems and the how's and why's.
And he can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to die?
1
I read the book, all my sympathy is with the parents of Dylan, eric and all the victims and bystanders who will be dealing with ptsd for many years. and I get it, having raised three kids--we do NOT know what is really going on in their complicated social worlds. but there was one especially chilling comment. when sue klebold pushed Dylan up against the refrigerator and he told her he did not know if he could contain his anger at that moment----the mom says she should have hugged him tight right then. NO---he made a threat against his own mother. In some jurisdictions, people would have called the police asap to report a domestic violence incident--yes, a mere threat can trigger that and can qualify. at that moment I felt I knew that Dylan was dangerous to himself, to his community and to his mother. that, and the essay, were big red flags. nowadays, that essay would be given to a professional doing potential for violence assessments-----what a sad commentary on conemporary life
2
I didn't want to buy this book but am glad I did. My son is the typical 16 year old. Good kid, loves video games, decent grades. He is growing up in a very different world than I did. Thank you to the author for her courage and message about diligent parenting.
11
I must applaud Dominus on a brilliant review the perfectly encapsulates an incredibly haunting read. While admittedly a large part of what compels the reader forward through this book is morbid fascination, it is steadily supplanted by sharing the profound and unrelenting grief Klebold articulates movingly and eloquently. I was left in a sort of sorrowful awe by this book. And while she does not ask for sympathy - rather, its pages are steeped in compassion for every life and life that might have been hurt by her son's actions - I cannot help but grieve for what she and her husband have endured. Imagine your child dead in a mass murder of this scale...then suffering not only the hammer blow of learning they were the murderer but then having to deal with those horrors with almost no support, having been shunned and vilified by most in your community.
7
After Columbine, I wonder how many childless married couples in their 50s turned to each other and said, "See, we were right not to bring children into this world." As long as they do not get Alzheimer's, they made the right decision, perhaps.
3
Alzheimer's is a disease that causes great harm to caregivers. My family cares for our mother, but we do not want our children to do the same. We hate the thought of subjecting them to this and would rather suffer the illness, no matter the cost, without their help.
Is that theoretical and not how things would play out? Possibly. But your theory, that regret about not having kids would inevitably be tied to the care the kids could render at great personal expense, is heartless and selfish.
Is that theoretical and not how things would play out? Possibly. But your theory, that regret about not having kids would inevitably be tied to the care the kids could render at great personal expense, is heartless and selfish.
9
Overall, I bear much sympathy for Mrs. Klebold, No parent knows exactly what their teenage child is thinking or doing. My own teenage years are a good example. If you've been a good kid so far, your parents will leave you some space. Unless you've provided them a reason to do otherwise ---
Which leads me to the one point that's been bothering me as I've read the comments: Why was Dylan allowed to hang out with Eric after the van thefts? My own, and most parents would have limited the friendship as much as possible.
Which leads me to the one point that's been bothering me as I've read the comments: Why was Dylan allowed to hang out with Eric after the van thefts? My own, and most parents would have limited the friendship as much as possible.
4
The two families did reduce the kids' contact in the months immediately after the arrest, but both boys were sentenced to the same diversion program, so they were inevitably in contact even as they were supposedly being diverted from committing other crimes. Worth noting that their diversion counsellor released them early from the program with glowing reports. Dylan had several other very close, lifelong friends, as well as a wider group of friends that included both girls and boys. He went to the prom with that group three days before he died; Eric was not among them. Both his own friends, and the Klebolds, believed that Eric was not his best or closest friend. At 17, when kids are driving, and frequenting chat rooms, and either at school or after-school jobs most of the day, even the most involved and vigilant parents may not have an accurate picture of their social lives. When Eric visited the Klebold's house in the week before Columbine it was the first time he'd been over in six months.
13
Admittedly, I haven't read the book and, further, I won't read it simply because I do not want to swim through the extraordinary horror of the event during a time when the world itself is so unstable and upsetting. But I will say this, that the author, according to the reviewer, refers to mental illness as "brain illness" strikes me as extremely odd and strangely off and perhaps a kind of denial that doesn't sit well given the outcome of the whole story and the tendency for us all to wonder how a parent could so achingly NOT know their own child or what that child is going through.
3
Mrs. Klebold: if you cannot even use the word "killed" instead of "harmed" per the 20/20 interview where Diane Sawyer had to correct you, what can we possibly glean from this tome that will favorably impact our parenting skills to prevent another tragedy? One thing that strikes me immediately is that both of your sons seemed to need your specific attention and care in a way they weren't receiving it from your ex-husband since he was the stay-at-home parent. Dylan was a malicious person, Mrs. Klebold. He had no regard or respect for his family. I know he is not a "monster" in your eyes, but by your definition, what is? Perhaps therein lies the problem.
8
I don't know for sure, but she may be using the word "harmed" in order to encompass all the victims - some were grievously injured - and still others were not physically injured but were traumatized - rather than killed and they may feel overlooked when people speak only of the people he killed.
14
I was wrong about this. Diane Sawyer asked her why she used the word "harmed" instead of "killed" and she said she still had trouble with it sometimes.
I find it hard to see how it could be otherwise.
I find it hard to see how it could be otherwise.
2
I can only think: how dares she? Yes being a parent is a challenge to most anyone. I am a parent and I know others who had all sorts of problems to overcome. It's a path fraught with pitfalls. But once you fail so miserably, at least have a decency to stay silent and not try to collect $28 for a compilation of your excuses.
6
100% of the proceeds of this book go to non-profits that specializes in mental health services.
10
Money's being donated to mental health causes.
8
Wow! You don't get it. Parents are not ultimately capable to transfirming or molding their kds all that much, especially once out of the range of parents who are grossly abusive, neglectful, or dysfuntional.
The Klebolds were none of these things. Their "failings" if any, were far less extreme, much more ordinary, and subtle. Remember, there was not even a history of such things happening prior to that event.
I hope you are the ultimate perfect parent. Clearly you have no room for any but the sterling best. May you not be tested as the Klebolds have been.
The Klebolds were none of these things. Their "failings" if any, were far less extreme, much more ordinary, and subtle. Remember, there was not even a history of such things happening prior to that event.
I hope you are the ultimate perfect parent. Clearly you have no room for any but the sterling best. May you not be tested as the Klebolds have been.
4
My heart breaks for this woman. Without question the victim's families and Klebold herself blame her to some extent. Being a mother on one hand you are responsible for your children, but they grow up and become their own people. Mom's can't control everything, yet when things go horribly wrong moms are blamed. What does a mother do after a tragedy of this magnitude? I give her credit for trying to reach out,and trying to communicate. She needs to know that it's not her fault.
19
Sorry. None of the other mass murderers have come from *normal* homes. Why should we believe the Klebolds were a healthy normal middle-class family--a nice well-adjusted couple who by some cruel cosmic roll of the dice became the mystified parents of two troubled sons?
From the quotes in this review, Mrs. Klebold is strikingly self-centered. That's all I need to know.
From the quotes in this review, Mrs. Klebold is strikingly self-centered. That's all I need to know.
12
Ugh. This comment hurts my heart and my head.
"None of the other mass murderers have come from *normal* homes."
Really? That's the best response you've got to Mrs. Klebold? Have you done extensive research on *all* of the "other" mass murderers that have existing jn the history of humankind?
Mental illness (among other things) was a primary contributor to what happened at Columbine. Mental illness does not equal bad parenting.
"None of the other mass murderers have come from *normal* homes."
Really? That's the best response you've got to Mrs. Klebold? Have you done extensive research on *all* of the "other" mass murderers that have existing jn the history of humankind?
Mental illness (among other things) was a primary contributor to what happened at Columbine. Mental illness does not equal bad parenting.
6
Not true, baylorgirl. Bad parenting can trigger some forms of mental illness; what about victims of child abuse?
Dylan Klebold seemed to enjoy his killing spree based on the tapes we have seen. That he was depressed and suicidal seem incidental. I think he was intent on murder and the premeditation of this tragedy is supported by evidence found. I also believe he was a malicious person who had a mother who loved him unconditionally as most parents love their children.
I don't know what further insight Mrs. Klebold's book will offer but I do wonder how sound her judgment is when she has to be corrected on national tv that her use of the word "harm" does not encompass all that he did which was to "kill".
Dylan Klebold seemed to enjoy his killing spree based on the tapes we have seen. That he was depressed and suicidal seem incidental. I think he was intent on murder and the premeditation of this tragedy is supported by evidence found. I also believe he was a malicious person who had a mother who loved him unconditionally as most parents love their children.
I don't know what further insight Mrs. Klebold's book will offer but I do wonder how sound her judgment is when she has to be corrected on national tv that her use of the word "harm" does not encompass all that he did which was to "kill".
4
Yes, I should have qualified my statement...bad parenting can of course lead to mental illness. However the original commentor implied that all mass murderers had horrible parents who caused their mental illness. That is simply not the case.
6
Of course it's the parents' fault. Depression, mental illness, etc... are just excuses for irresponsible parenting. Teaching kids not to lie, steal, or kill is a pretty low bar.
7
Your comment is grossly insensitive.
21
Most parents try to do their best to raise good children. I have no doubt the Klebold's fall into that category. May they and the other families involved find peace.
10
This book came at a very shaky time in my own family as we admitted our 17-year-old son to a psychiatric facility for the 3rd time in a year for depression. I also teach high school. People don't always understand that with depression can also come anger. At one point, my greatest fear wasn't my son would hurt himself-it was that he would hurt someone else. It was his as well.
I have read the book. I had to walk away from the book several times. I just couldn't deal with my emotions. I am thankful beyond words that we saw warning signs and got help. We were lucky that our son also used me as his sounding board and not some psychotic friend. I shudder to think what could have happened.
I also teach high school. I think this book should be mandatory reading for teachers and administrators, and I plan on presenting a professional development about the topic in the near future. First, I have to stop crying.
Thank you, Ms. Klebold.
I have read the book. I had to walk away from the book several times. I just couldn't deal with my emotions. I am thankful beyond words that we saw warning signs and got help. We were lucky that our son also used me as his sounding board and not some psychotic friend. I shudder to think what could have happened.
I also teach high school. I think this book should be mandatory reading for teachers and administrators, and I plan on presenting a professional development about the topic in the near future. First, I have to stop crying.
Thank you, Ms. Klebold.
29
So you put money in the killer's moms pocket?
Dylan Klebold didn't seem to harbor any fear that he would hurt others, Kim. 12 children and 1 adult died as a result of this. The difference between between your family and the authors' is that your son and you were actually able to all yourselves on his fears, illness and potential for lack of control. Clearly, you seem to have a wonderful relationship with your son established long before the publication of this book.
12 children and 1 adult who paid with their lives for this book to be written and 24 people were maimed. How is that not lost on you?
12 children and 1 adult who paid with their lives for this book to be written and 24 people were maimed. How is that not lost on you?
1
Your comment is by far the most intelligent on here. I commend you and wish that the population of this world could be so objective. This was a compelling read and tremendous information for all parents, educators and law enforcement. I do believe it will save lives.
3
In this act of violence, and virtually every other you are likely to read about today, tomorrow and the next day, the common denominator isn't guns, it's men. Americans can take some small comfort in knowing that while our men are more trigger-happy than most, they're no less prone to violence than any. I don't know what the solution is, but a world with fewer Dylans and more Sues might not be such a bad place.
15
"but a world with fewer Dylans and more Sues might not be such a bad place"
You're right. It's sad but true that maleness is at the core of nearly every act of violence in the world--whether on a micro (domestic violence) or a macro scale (war). I don't know why people are afraid of acknowledging this. Until we do the cycle of male violence will continue unfettered to our obvious detriment.
You're right. It's sad but true that maleness is at the core of nearly every act of violence in the world--whether on a micro (domestic violence) or a macro scale (war). I don't know why people are afraid of acknowledging this. Until we do the cycle of male violence will continue unfettered to our obvious detriment.
8
Seriously, Eileen and 8figuresad?
Please find me an example of a mass murderer/serial killer who had a nurturing, loving and healthily-protecting mother.
Please find me an example of a mass murderer/serial killer who had a nurturing, loving and healthily-protecting mother.
1
It's a tough rewarding job raising kids. Your do your best it's a 24hr a day job. When they become junior high and high schoolers it's even more of a challenge. I would not buy this book. The proceeds go the custodian of a murderer. My heart goes out the Klebold family but the finger pointing at the Harris kid is shameful. They hid their head in shame for all these years and now that they have their book deal she speaks out? The boys worked in the Klebold garage built the flash bangs and bombs they used at the school during the shooting. It was not just the Harris boy "stockpiling" weapons as she states. Empathy, pity, sure. Cautionary tail no. Every parent knows there are many ways a child can change for good or for worse. Exoneration yes...that's exactly what she wants. Why else would she have such nerve to say "she's available to the victims families...". Her very selfishness to open up such wounds is disgusting makes me sick.
1
ALL proceeds are donated to mental illness and suicide prevention charities. You obviously are not aware of that. Hopefully you are aware by now.
1
Why do the majority of these shootings happen in America? Why are we such a violent society? Why are guns so easy to get?
I'm living overseas and these are the questions that I'm asked the most, what confounds people the most. I never have a simple answer and it always seems to come up short.
I'm living overseas and these are the questions that I'm asked the most, what confounds people the most. I never have a simple answer and it always seems to come up short.
13
I think that people like this boy should never be named and never be shown. They don't deserve it and it only encourages the others.
8
Excellent point Al Maki.
Have any of the victims families spoken about this book?
Have any of the victims families spoken about this book?
1
I am uncomfortable with the high school-sweet photo The Times has chosen to illustrate this article. It's like illustrating a book review of Helter Skelter with Charles Manson's baby picture. More apropos, I think, would be a photo of Klebold striding through Columbine halls with a semi-automatic weapon, or a sneering still from the basement tapes he made with Harris. I feel for Mrs. Klebold, I do. But seeing this headshot of Dylan day after day as I come to The Times site is just too much. He was not a martyr to fate or a sweet but troubled kid. He's a mass murderer. Let's remember that.
14
But let's also remember that unlike Charles Manson, who was not a baby when he committed his crimes, Dylan actually was a kid. There is a world of difference between a grown man and a 17-year-old.
8
Manson started his life of crime when he was a teenager. The only difference between him and Klebold is that Manson's criminal career was more progressive. Klebold went from 20 to 60 in a nano-second. In the end-the only difference between Klebold and Manson is Manson never pulled the trigger himself.
2
If you are ever casting around for an example of white privilege, you might bring this case to mind. I have a great deal of sympathy for Sue Klebold. But I also recognize that no black mother would be allowed to cite mental illness for the rampage committed by her black son.
12
"Allowed" by who, whom, or what? The black community itself is no stranger to self-censorship. Ask Bobby Brown, or OJ Simpson, or Bill Cosby.
8
Bobby Brown, OJ Simpson and Bill Cosby pay handsomely for legal representation.
Good point. Here's another one: very few rampage killers are black. The majority are white males.
9
If any of the parents here allow their children, up to their mid-20s and still at home in many cases, to create a special preserve in their bedroom, explicitly off-limits to inspection per hyper-privacy obsessions inculcated by liberal parenting experts since Dr. Spock's hegemony, and Junior is wired to malign outside influences via cyberspace therein, esp. if body piercings and tattoos and hair colorings are starting to manifest, I suggest you remove the lockset from the bedroom door (2 Philips screws) and make regular tours of the alien incubator. Pre-emptive parenting for slacker offspring, to which they usually respond positively if you have a deft touch, though a single parent can only push things so far unilaterally, like Adam Lanza's mother. I like a carrot and stick approach, semi-Dickensian, but long on rewards as reinforcement. Was not able to implement my John Wayne regimen since I (we) had 2 daughters, not 2 noble strapping sons, sigh. Now riding herd on 3 grandsons when babysitting, but subtly lest Mom catch on.
4
You can't be serious. You believe tattoos and hair coloring is indicative someone might be going to commit mass murder?
2
Yeah, sorry, but you just come off as really creepy.
10
There are many indicators, and self-image is a key one -- hence the killers' affectation for black trench coats. In other cases it's multicolored hair cut in bizarre ways, along with nipple rings, nose rings, lip rings, eyebrow rings, portrait-sized tattoos, and various piercings that anthropologist Margaret Mead was expert in. Connect the dots: they're the offspring of the Me Decade who routinely mock their parent(s)' aspirations. Why? "Because we can." I saw 1000s of them in years of teaching high school -- in Philadelphia, DW.
Eileen -- what are you sorry for? Creepy has its purposes.
Eileen -- what are you sorry for? Creepy has its purposes.
As the parent of a 16 year old son who has also raised a younger half brother I can only urge all parents not to be reticent about knowing how your children are spending their time and who they are spending it with. You're not trying to win a popularity contest and being a pain in the ass embarrassment to your teenager is preferable to what the Klebolds have to live with.
16
I just don't accept that there are no precedents for sick, psychotic behavior. Something happened to this kid when he was vulnerable and he incorporated that experience. He killed because he was killed. He did what had been done to him. At the right moment, it can happen in a single event. Bruno Bettelheim was right. This kid was told that he shouldn't exist. He was only repeating his learning. In fact, he was a dutiful son.
3
That is a comforting belief, because if we can pinpoint a reason - or a single moment in time, as you believe - it feels like we can control it (we know that nothing like that happened to our kid). Unfortunately, it's basically a fairy tale.
23
someone writes, "... the unhappy young man had apparently come under the influence of a peer who was even sicker."
-----------------
Harris was the accelerant, Klebold was the stooge mired in post-adolescence. Similar to the current "American Experience" show on PBS about Loeb & Leopold in the Depression era, 2 precocious intellects at the Univ. of Chicago, one evil and "to the manner born," and one a lovestruck homosexual easily manipulated whose crime spree culminated in the kidnap-murder of a random victim (the killer's young cousin, as it turned out.) The evil one was beaten to death in prison, the other paroled after 21 years or so.
-----------------
Harris was the accelerant, Klebold was the stooge mired in post-adolescence. Similar to the current "American Experience" show on PBS about Loeb & Leopold in the Depression era, 2 precocious intellects at the Univ. of Chicago, one evil and "to the manner born," and one a lovestruck homosexual easily manipulated whose crime spree culminated in the kidnap-murder of a random victim (the killer's young cousin, as it turned out.) The evil one was beaten to death in prison, the other paroled after 21 years or so.
6
One thing I'll never forget about that day: after learning that her son and his friend were responsible for the Columbine tragedy, SUE KLEBOLD KEPT HER HAIR APPOINTMENT.
I've often wondered if the Klebolds were on the spectrum.
I've often wondered if the Klebolds were on the spectrum.
15
Read the book. She explains this. The woman was falling apart and was encouraged to engage in some "normalcy." Don't cast stones.
8
If I remember correctly, both these kids were able to operate with a surprisingly low level of parental involvement and supervision. They were able to build bombs and stockpile weapons in their houses! I can't imagine where in my life I would have been able to do that with my two very nosy parents.
The question is, however, even if they had noticed something what could they do? I suppose the only thing they could have done is to remove the bombs and weapons, which would have further involved the criminal-justice system, and delayed the inevitable. That might have been enough to have avoided an attack at Columbine, but possible just kicked the can down the road a bit.
I haven't read the book, but I wonder if it answers my question about supervision and involvement.
The question is, however, even if they had noticed something what could they do? I suppose the only thing they could have done is to remove the bombs and weapons, which would have further involved the criminal-justice system, and delayed the inevitable. That might have been enough to have avoided an attack at Columbine, but possible just kicked the can down the road a bit.
I haven't read the book, but I wonder if it answers my question about supervision and involvement.
8
People need to stop blaming the Klebold's and Harris's for their sons, yes, heinous act. Ask yourself as a parent, do you really think you know everything thought and action of your children? Guess again, you don't. I don't care how involved or not involved your are with your children, but unless they are with you 24 hours a day, you will not be in control of what they do.
I feel extremely sad for these parents. They have to live with the fact that their child, a child they most likely loved, was a mass murderer! How can you not have compassion for them?
As my dad always said "Do not judge anyone unless you have waked in their shoes".
I feel extremely sad for these parents. They have to live with the fact that their child, a child they most likely loved, was a mass murderer! How can you not have compassion for them?
As my dad always said "Do not judge anyone unless you have waked in their shoes".
17
As we have seen since Columbine, so long as guns are easily accessible, Americans will continue to be faced with similar atrocities with great regularity. My heart goes out to Sue Klebold who will carry her pain to her grave. It also goes out to the families and friends of all who have been victimized by gun violence which, in itself, has become a daily occurrence and which, shows no signs of lessening, thanks to the overwhelming power of the gun manufacturers, the NRA etc., and a congress in which many of its members might as well be on their payroll.
Adolescence with its angst and boredom, its violent video games etc. violent movies and tv, along with the need for both parents in many families to work, can be a most challenging time for parents and teenagers alike. Toss into this already fragile mix increasingly easy access to guns, and as we continue to see, the results are deadly.
Adolescence with its angst and boredom, its violent video games etc. violent movies and tv, along with the need for both parents in many families to work, can be a most challenging time for parents and teenagers alike. Toss into this already fragile mix increasingly easy access to guns, and as we continue to see, the results are deadly.
3
"a congress in which many of its members MIGHT AS WELL be on their payroll."
a congress in which many of its members ARE on their payroll.
There, I fixed it for you.
a congress in which many of its members ARE on their payroll.
There, I fixed it for you.
4
Speaking of forgiveness, I just finished Asne Seierstad's great book about Anders Breivik. His mother was asked the same question and admitted without hesitation to forgiving her son completely. Mostly she blamed herself for not being mature enough as a mother, although she came from a tough background and raised Breivik by herself. The passages in that book about Mrs. Breivik were a lot more revealing than this sounds. Mrs. Klebold didn't seem to know her son very well. Mrs. Breivik knew her son intimately, the family was on the radar of the child protection service as well as psychologists, and it still didn't matter.
4
Lack of oversight was the problem. I haven't read the memoir, or related accounts, but on the face, these boys had an enormous amount of unsupervised time together to plan and carry out this massacre. Constructing bombs? Navigating the purchase of a gun? Drawing up plans to the school? Yes it might be relatively easy here in the US of Internet Age, but it still takes time and a place. The article mentions they went to the prom prior to the attack--but how about the YMCA? team sports? band? theater? the arts? 4-H? a job? STEM fair? Heck, gun club. Maybe I'm off base, maybe they were lying about time spent together, maybe the parents had no idea that Dylan was spending so much time with Eric, thought he was elsewhere, maybe the boys were involved with organized after-school activities. Obviously they hid their plans--but even the hiding and covering up takes time and resources. Where were these hours and hours? I agree, impossible to predict that this pair would spinout into dark murderous fantasies, but they were allowed too much time together, unsupervised, to let their sick thoughts and impulses run amok, a secretive maniacal echo-chamber, with no grownup voices to modulate or interrupt. The words that would haunt me..."Hey Mom, I'm going to go hang out at Eric's."
--
--
10
my parents had no idea what I was doing most of the time when I was a graduating senior, either. I wasn't doing anything bad, but they didn't know that for sure.
20
And yet you are not (I guess) a murder. So you were managed much better than you realize / remember.
2
The book shares many of these details. He was involved in plays and soccer.
4
At times like this, people endlessly search for answers. Where there's no abuse or neglect of any kind toward the perpetrators of violence, it may help to absorb the fact that evil simply is. No further explanation is necessary. It simply is.
8
Dave Cullen's book on Columbine is a great read, and sheds as much light on the family lives of the Harrises and Klebolds as was possible at the time. Both sets of parents were involved in their sons' lives. There's no evidence at all that they were abusive or neglectful -- and lots of evidence to the contrary. Their sons successfully hid their plans for mass murder and suicide from their families. It's sad, but there's probably nothing the parents could have done to prevent it. Kudos to Sue Klebold for speaking out.
17
The "how and the why." How can teenage kids do something like that? And why? People need to know there is a reason, a motive. Otherwise, it's just blind chaos. Which is exactly what it is.
4
There simply are NO mass murderers that had a loving, nurturing, good relationship with their mother or father. In one of the tapes released, Dylan actually addressed his parents and said " I'm sorry I have so much rage, but you put it in me." That statement alone is very illuminating.
Byron was buying drugs; Dylan was buying weapons and bomb-making supplies.
Where were they getting the money for these things? Did they have their own credit cards or access to their parents' cards? Were they just handed nice allowances with no accountability? Did their parents ask to see credit card receipts?
As a parent, you must keep asking questions and keep evaluating the answers you get. Please do not tell me you have no instincts about your children; when an answer is too facile or a child's demeanor is suspiciously bland. After Dylan's first experience with law enforcement, his parents should have been aggressively monitoring his time. Why was he allowed to maintain contact with Eric Harris? Why didn't his parents continually check up on him?
Mrs. Klebold's relationship with her son--before and after his death--seems to be entirely self-centered. She was upset that he forgot Mother's Day?
There must be so much more to this story than what Mrs. Klebold presents to the public.
Where were they getting the money for these things? Did they have their own credit cards or access to their parents' cards? Were they just handed nice allowances with no accountability? Did their parents ask to see credit card receipts?
As a parent, you must keep asking questions and keep evaluating the answers you get. Please do not tell me you have no instincts about your children; when an answer is too facile or a child's demeanor is suspiciously bland. After Dylan's first experience with law enforcement, his parents should have been aggressively monitoring his time. Why was he allowed to maintain contact with Eric Harris? Why didn't his parents continually check up on him?
Mrs. Klebold's relationship with her son--before and after his death--seems to be entirely self-centered. She was upset that he forgot Mother's Day?
There must be so much more to this story than what Mrs. Klebold presents to the public.
12
Dylan and Eric were both employed by a local pizza parlor.
7
Karen: So? Did Dylan's parents require him to save a percentage of his earnings? To contribute in some way to the household? Did his parents want to see what he spent his money on?
The source of the money is immaterial. The use of it isn't.
The source of the money is immaterial. The use of it isn't.
3
You asked where they got the money. Now you know.
2
Last night, motivated by the stories on Ms. Klebold, I read Dave Cullen's excellent and thorough book, "Columbine". Mr. Cullen was a local reporter, and spent years working on the book and reinterviewing sources. His diagnosis exactly matches Mrs. Klebold's: Eric Harris was a psychopath, and Dylan Klebold was a severely depressed teenager who was caught up into Harris's fantasy. Both of them were murderers. Both of them did terrible things. But it's just not as easy as "bad parenting": psychopaths and depressed teenagers, for different reasons, are very good at hiding their turmoil from parents, teachers, and so on.
After reading Cullen's book, I am convinced that Ms. Klebold's post-Columbine activism in mental-health availability and suicide prevention (Dylan considered suicide at least as often as homicide) is a humane and appropriate response to discovering her son's hidden life that led to a public massacre.
For those of you who think the Klebolds were too lenient as parents, the reason that Byron Klebold, Dylan's elder brother, wasn't at home was that he had been thrown out for drug use.
After reading Cullen's book, I am convinced that Ms. Klebold's post-Columbine activism in mental-health availability and suicide prevention (Dylan considered suicide at least as often as homicide) is a humane and appropriate response to discovering her son's hidden life that led to a public massacre.
For those of you who think the Klebolds were too lenient as parents, the reason that Byron Klebold, Dylan's elder brother, wasn't at home was that he had been thrown out for drug use.
29
So, then, something was terribly wrong in that household. One son is doing drugs and gets tossed out. The other robbery. Why wasn't someone seeking outside help to see what was or why it was going wrong in that house?
2
While I agree with 90 percent of what you said here I did want to mention two things. First, according to the book Dylan thought about auicide much more often than he thought about homicide. His thoughts of harm didn't turn outward until several months before the massacre. Second, the media reported Byron was kicked out for drug use, but Sue advised he left on his own and at no point did they kick him out for using. That being said your comment makes far more sense than just about anything else here.
2
Being a parent is -for most people- the best thing that will ever happen to them. It is -however- the most difficult and challenging job we will ever have. While it is always easy to see the "obvious" after the fact, I dont think anyone is really prepared to "decode" any signs of heavy trouble that will eventually end up in tragedy.
I keep telling my wife that no matter what we do, we will surely make a lot of parenting mistakes, and we will maybe be the cause of issues in our 2 daughters that they will have to deal with eventually.
The only consolation is that we (and most parents) love our kids dearly, and everything we do is what we think is best for them, with purpose of helping, protecting and preparing them for the future.
Our hearts go to every single family who lost chilren in the Columbine tragedy.
I keep telling my wife that no matter what we do, we will surely make a lot of parenting mistakes, and we will maybe be the cause of issues in our 2 daughters that they will have to deal with eventually.
The only consolation is that we (and most parents) love our kids dearly, and everything we do is what we think is best for them, with purpose of helping, protecting and preparing them for the future.
Our hearts go to every single family who lost chilren in the Columbine tragedy.
17
You can do everything right and even less than perfect for 13 years and your child's life intersects and synergies with another combustible individual. The only thing I can think of to avoid fate taking its ugly course is talking to your kids a lot BEFORE puberty to warn them about how crazy puberty is. It's a time of creation and destruction. The happy adolescence is s myth.
9
It would have made little difference how alienated or mentally ill these boys were had they not been able to obtain weapons so easily.
14
The thread that appears in popular culture regarding post-Columbine school attacks is one of sociopathy or psychopathy; nature over nurture. I can't say how true that is but, as a parent of four nearly-grown or grown children, I am thankful that nature has not undermined or transcended what we have been able to instill as parents. I have nothing but empathy for and a little fear of parents like the Klebolds since none of us parent perfectly and I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life picking at what I did wrong.
26
These things happen in the United States because we don't have relationships with our children or with each other. We claim to know our kids, but in fact we do not. Do you allow your children to tell you their disappointments? Do you encourage them to tell you what they are afraid off? Or do you just cut them off because you're so busy trying to keep the money coming in?
9
And RE not having relationships, where does screen time (TV, web, etc.) come into the equation? I'm serious...
3
I spent a good deal of time in CO, Columbine included.
What I might say about this book as it relates to the horrible, tragic events of 1999 is that the populace of the state of Colorado is comprised largely of simple, decent people - but emphasis on the "simple."
They drive slower, they move slower, they think slower, and if you are not from the state, that can drive you insane - like when the light changes to green and 30 seconds go by and everyone's still going 5 MPH as though they are driving lawnmowers.
When you go out into its world of shops, coffee places, restaurants and venues, you meet people who cannot grasp sarcasm, nuance, concepts and so forth. You look into their eyes and see vapidity. People are genuinely excited when a Red Lobster opens, or another Kohl's.
Maybe people have never seen a Jew, and the black population is something like 4.5 percent of the state's 5 million-or-so people.
Of course Mrs. Klebold didn't see the signs. If you live in an insular bubble where your choice of what to believe about your place in the world is comprised of church or nothing, if you do not care about Paris, London, New York, the Middle East or Los Angeles, if you watch television every night of your life for decades -
You pay the price for that oblivion.
What I might say about this book as it relates to the horrible, tragic events of 1999 is that the populace of the state of Colorado is comprised largely of simple, decent people - but emphasis on the "simple."
They drive slower, they move slower, they think slower, and if you are not from the state, that can drive you insane - like when the light changes to green and 30 seconds go by and everyone's still going 5 MPH as though they are driving lawnmowers.
When you go out into its world of shops, coffee places, restaurants and venues, you meet people who cannot grasp sarcasm, nuance, concepts and so forth. You look into their eyes and see vapidity. People are genuinely excited when a Red Lobster opens, or another Kohl's.
Maybe people have never seen a Jew, and the black population is something like 4.5 percent of the state's 5 million-or-so people.
Of course Mrs. Klebold didn't see the signs. If you live in an insular bubble where your choice of what to believe about your place in the world is comprised of church or nothing, if you do not care about Paris, London, New York, the Middle East or Los Angeles, if you watch television every night of your life for decades -
You pay the price for that oblivion.
8
I'm not even going to dignify this post with a rebuttal.
10
I'm sorry, Karen -
But if you disagree, I suggest you buy and study a copy of the Denver Post, and then come back here and tell me what a cutting-edge, masterful, hard-hitting, insightful and vital news outlet it is, especially when compared to the NY Times.
Depth? Nuance? Mastery of English? Of journalism?
Doesn't exist on the Front Range, not in the Denver Post, the Daily Camera, "Rooster" or anything else produced.
And let's not even bring up the state's worship of awful bluegrass.
But if you disagree, I suggest you buy and study a copy of the Denver Post, and then come back here and tell me what a cutting-edge, masterful, hard-hitting, insightful and vital news outlet it is, especially when compared to the NY Times.
Depth? Nuance? Mastery of English? Of journalism?
Doesn't exist on the Front Range, not in the Denver Post, the Daily Camera, "Rooster" or anything else produced.
And let's not even bring up the state's worship of awful bluegrass.
1
I won't either!
2
I haven't read this book but I wonder how much attention is given to the issue of the "poisonous dual combination of master and slave." This is not new. Leopold and Loeb were mixed together in a kind of toxic duet that resulted in a brutal murder...
All parents want their children to have "friends." But some friends are toxic. Rather than trying to keep them apart, (which is probably impossible), you can instead "keep them busy." You can try to keep them so busy that they don't have time for their "toxic twin."
Other elements missing from this analysis is the value to young people of "music and sports." A smart wrestling coach deals with teens who have impulse control problems and re-directs them to teaching their teams how to manage them. (A good friend of mine insists that a good wrestling coach saved his life when he was a teenager.)
We are getting away from "music and sports" due to budget cuts and the fact that dual parents are not available...working....absent...divorced...don't care...
The solution to many of these emotional problems of teens may be as close as a running field and learning to play the trombone and forming a band. I don't expect this to be a panacea. Parents struggle to earn a living and please their bosses who demand more and more of their time. They don't have time.
There is no perfect answer. But there is no indication that either of these toxic kids had any interest or were encouraged to "do music and sports."
sanjosemike
All parents want their children to have "friends." But some friends are toxic. Rather than trying to keep them apart, (which is probably impossible), you can instead "keep them busy." You can try to keep them so busy that they don't have time for their "toxic twin."
Other elements missing from this analysis is the value to young people of "music and sports." A smart wrestling coach deals with teens who have impulse control problems and re-directs them to teaching their teams how to manage them. (A good friend of mine insists that a good wrestling coach saved his life when he was a teenager.)
We are getting away from "music and sports" due to budget cuts and the fact that dual parents are not available...working....absent...divorced...don't care...
The solution to many of these emotional problems of teens may be as close as a running field and learning to play the trombone and forming a band. I don't expect this to be a panacea. Parents struggle to earn a living and please their bosses who demand more and more of their time. They don't have time.
There is no perfect answer. But there is no indication that either of these toxic kids had any interest or were encouraged to "do music and sports."
sanjosemike
5
This review is written with such compassion for Mrs. Klebold that it left me wondering if Susan Dominus should think about becoming a minister or therapist. But I prefer to continue reading her work. Thank you for treating this suffering woman with intelligence and tenderness.
11
Would she even had to have writen this book if we had sensible, national gun control?
3
I think it's important to remember that the attack was an attempted bombing intended to bring down the wing holding the library and cafeteria, killing all those present. This is often missed in discussions about Columbine. I support stricter gun control laws, but these boys were using guns as secondary weapons, not their primary means of attack. It is our great fortune that Eric & Dylan inept at wiring bombs. The carnage could have been so very much worse had they been successful.
5
Point to note: the pipe bombs didn't work.
The guns did.
Without guns, they would have thrown their stupid pipe bombs, injured or burnt a few students at most, and ended up in jail. Today they would either have rehabilitated, or still remained in jail - it doesn't matter.
*Professional guns* made the difference, not *amateur pipe bombs*.
The guns did.
Without guns, they would have thrown their stupid pipe bombs, injured or burnt a few students at most, and ended up in jail. Today they would either have rehabilitated, or still remained in jail - it doesn't matter.
*Professional guns* made the difference, not *amateur pipe bombs*.
8
Gene, what a wonderful world it would be if we could mind-control people by limiting their purchasing choices. Without guns the 2 psychos could have run over hordes of students in a stolen SUV, or a school bus, or perfected the bombs they made, etc. The local police let the killing spree continue for far too long, in fact.
Talk to any teacher and they can run down a list of children with serious issues. But there is nothing that they can do without the parent's support and they risk disciplinary or legal action for speaking out. The teachers I know fully expect to be interviewed one day when certain students commit crimes. One speaks about a child with dead eyes who has menaced other children since kindergarten. The other children act like frightened animals in his presence. The school has disciplined him when possible as he is smart enough not to get caught. The school has suggested alternative programs. His parents refuse to acknowledge any problems although they admitted once that they sleep with their bedroom door locked. When he does eventually kill, the teacher's only comment will be that he is amazed that it took so long.
7
I think the mother misses the point. Her son was not just suicidal. He was homicidal.
6
She does not miss this point at all. She doesn't make excuses for any of his behaviors, but notes there is an important distinction between someone who is suicidal and someone who is homicidal. In this case it seems as though Eric wanted people to die and was willing to die along with them. Dylan wanted to die and was willing to take others out with him. She fully understands in the last months of his life Dylan made the decision to kill other people.
1
"A memoir by the mother of one of the Columbine killers could seem distasteful on its face: at best, a defensive account from an unreliable narrator; at worst, an inevitable end point to the media circus." This statement is where this review should have ended.
2
I think it's probably healthier, though, to realize that we are ALL unreliable narrators when it comes to our children.
6
There but for the grace of God go I, or any parent of a teen ager or young adult.
13
A parent of teenagers that can not put themselves in this woman's place just hasn't looked objectively enough at their children.
19
I had a visit from an old high school friend a couple of years ago--we are in our 50s now but were close friends in our teens. At one point, he surprised me by reminding me how much I had hated my father back then, and especially by pointing out that I had called him on one occasion to tell him that I had loaded my shotgun and was considering if I should kill my father or myself. He talked me off the ledge then and that was the end of it, but I was shocked to recall that I had once felt this way and then evidently "gotten over it" and returned to something like normalcy. Denial, and the suppression of uncomfortable memories, are powerful forces.
In hindsight, of course, he should have told his parents, and the police would have been called, and my life would have been changed forever--I and my parents would've been deeply stigmatized in our small town, and my progression toward normal adulthood would've been profoundly derailed. It's easy now to regard my friend's choice--to talk me out of my mood and say nothing to his parents or the authorities--as ultimately wise and level-headed, given the subsequent trajectories of our lives.
These predictions are hard to make, even when the signs seem obvious. Is a 15-year-old boy with a loaded shotgun, on the phone with his best friend, simply being melodramatic, an immature boy who wants his complaint to be heard by someone who'll listen? Or is he on the verge of being a killer, or a suicide? I cannot fault Sue Klebold.
In hindsight, of course, he should have told his parents, and the police would have been called, and my life would have been changed forever--I and my parents would've been deeply stigmatized in our small town, and my progression toward normal adulthood would've been profoundly derailed. It's easy now to regard my friend's choice--to talk me out of my mood and say nothing to his parents or the authorities--as ultimately wise and level-headed, given the subsequent trajectories of our lives.
These predictions are hard to make, even when the signs seem obvious. Is a 15-year-old boy with a loaded shotgun, on the phone with his best friend, simply being melodramatic, an immature boy who wants his complaint to be heard by someone who'll listen? Or is he on the verge of being a killer, or a suicide? I cannot fault Sue Klebold.
16
I agree with your basic POV here ... but think it's a danged shame we can't at least all agree that boy shouldn't have access to the shotgun.
8
I sincerely hope you didn't keep guns in your home when you were raising your kids.
4
It is an important story, one that could even play a role in preventing a future tragedy. It's a story that needs to be told -- just not by a parent of the killer. This woman should make her observation available to a third party, who could add them to an objective discourse on the topic. I'm not blaming the mother for what happened, but her son's actions, fairly or not, disqualify her from stepping into the limelight. Who can say if her motives really are unselfish? Let's say they are. This book and her related public appearances can't be anything but painful to the friends and relatives of her son's victims. They should come first, above all other considerations.
1
Whew. Great sympathy for Sue Kiebold, and more for she wrote this book to provoke she hopes a message to parents who worry about their kids when they exhibit signs of trouble, despair, difference. Yes, parents are busy and often clueless as all go about their busy lives. A friend of my son, both using drugs, thanked me for busting them and going to his parents who were so stunned at the news. The young man bragged about coming to breakfast stoned w/his parents completely unaware. Parents like those of the man who shot Gabby Gifford and killed others were in the same place: unaware. Yell at them, poke them, invade their privacy and know their friends. Be obnoxious. Yes, grades, attitude and all of it makes a difference. I think much adds to this: schools that are like factories, teaching and learning that does not reach kids, and the invasive violence of so-called video games to movies to music. Our culture is at fault and yet. And yet.
1
Jared Loughner was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and his parents were certainly aware of his problems - they disabled his car on a nightly basis and took away his shotgun. Unfortunately, he obtained another gun. Even if they had tried to get him mental health treatment, forcing treatment on an unwilling adult is very difficult. I don't think that mass murder had anything to do with "culture" or negative peer influences or video games, rather, it had everything to do with severe mental illness and easy access to firearms.
4
Raising children is a roll of the dice. Until you've been through it, you have no experience to rely on. If you did, it would hardly apply anyway, because each child is unique. I challenge any parent who is engaged and involved with their teenage child, to say they've never observed any behavior that could be a warning sign. Your teenager never seemed withdrawn, anguished, lonely, pressured by peers, interested in the bizarre, ready to explode, depressed, defiant against authority, irrational, attracted to danger, self-absorbed, or lacking good judgment, to a degree that in an adult would suggest serious mental illness? Those of us whose children have come through it relatively unscathed can only thank our stars that our own child didn't one day blunder into one of those fateful wrong turns that can can befall any teenager at a moment of pain and vulnerability.
I think those who pass judgment and assume this could never have happened to them or their child, don't know what they're talking about.
I think those who pass judgment and assume this could never have happened to them or their child, don't know what they're talking about.
76
I wonder what my parents would have thought if the middle school librarian decided to share with them my obsessive rereadings of a biography of Lizzie Borden. I can't tap into my 14 year old thoughts anymore but I expect I was captivated by how she acted on her rageful feelings toward her father and stepmother. Nowadays the librarian would be seen as remiss if she did not mention this to my teacher or adjustment counselor, perhaps.
5
Sue Klebold's courage is impressive, and her activism in the suicide awareness and prevention movement is admirable. Her guilt is based on the persistent and pervasive illusion of free will. She looks back to when her son was alive and imagines that she could have done something besides whatever she actually did. Her imagination misleads her.
One of the most impactful paradigm-shifting thinkers to ever live, Albert Einstein, thought that free will was an illusion of consciousness.
Unfortunately for Sue Klebold, she has the same exact amount of control over her thoughts of guilt as she did over the thoughts that led her not to act in a way that might have prevented the tragedy at Columbine: none whatsoever.
Francesco Bellafante
Philadelphia Chapter Board of Directors
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
frank talk about suicide | leveraging the genius of Einstein to cause the beginning of the end of suicide
iameinstein.com
One of the most impactful paradigm-shifting thinkers to ever live, Albert Einstein, thought that free will was an illusion of consciousness.
Unfortunately for Sue Klebold, she has the same exact amount of control over her thoughts of guilt as she did over the thoughts that led her not to act in a way that might have prevented the tragedy at Columbine: none whatsoever.
Francesco Bellafante
Philadelphia Chapter Board of Directors
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
frank talk about suicide | leveraging the genius of Einstein to cause the beginning of the end of suicide
iameinstein.com
13
Where was Mrs Klebold's other son , Byron, during all this? I read somewhere that he was a couple of years older than Dylan. Was he still living at home?
Did he offer any insight into his brother? He's not mentioned at all. As if he did not exist. And dad is mentioned only to tell us that he and his wife divorced after the tragedy. No feedback from him either.
I am so sorry for all the suffering of all the victims of this nightmare, and Mrs Klebold's book certainly provides some important insights. But I keep getting the feeling that there is more to this story than is being told.
Did he offer any insight into his brother? He's not mentioned at all. As if he did not exist. And dad is mentioned only to tell us that he and his wife divorced after the tragedy. No feedback from him either.
I am so sorry for all the suffering of all the victims of this nightmare, and Mrs Klebold's book certainly provides some important insights. But I keep getting the feeling that there is more to this story than is being told.
3
The other son? Please - have mercy. Is it so hard to imagine that he does not want the limelight? Is he not entitled to try to live a normal life? He did nothing wrong.
5
I agree. They have a right to live in peace out of the limelight. A sibling of one ofmy high school friends committed a horrible crime and was sentenced to life in prison. He had to move to the other side of the country to escape the notoriety, because he was always so-and-so's brother in our hometown. He tired of being whispered about. Leave them alone.
2
We talk as if parents should know everything their teenagers are thinking and doing yet we constantly bemoan helicopter parents and immature, overly dependent kids. The teenage years are called "adolescence" for a reason. This is the time for them to make the tansition to adulthood by becoming independent both psychologically and finally economically. by gradually separating from their parents, learning to think for themselves, and form their own values. This cannot happen without a zone of privacy. Parents constantly snooping and monitoring their kids prevent this difficult but necessary process from happening. Besides a kid with snoopy parents who want to break rules will just hide what they are doing. I know my friends and I did - not that we were up to anything criminal.
Unfortunately the transition to adulthood is not a smooth one for most kids. It is perfectly normal for teenagers to be sulky, uncooperative, and rebellious especially with their parents so it is not easy to know when this is part of a necessary separation process or a sign of a deeper problem. Sadly we seem to have lost the concept of adolescent rebellion as a healthy thing for the vast majority of kids.
As for those kids who never rebel, I know several who went through delayed adolescent rebellions in middle age, blowing up families and/or careers because they had never figured out who they really were. They had lived their lives being defined by who their parents thought they should be,
Unfortunately the transition to adulthood is not a smooth one for most kids. It is perfectly normal for teenagers to be sulky, uncooperative, and rebellious especially with their parents so it is not easy to know when this is part of a necessary separation process or a sign of a deeper problem. Sadly we seem to have lost the concept of adolescent rebellion as a healthy thing for the vast majority of kids.
As for those kids who never rebel, I know several who went through delayed adolescent rebellions in middle age, blowing up families and/or careers because they had never figured out who they really were. They had lived their lives being defined by who their parents thought they should be,
12
As usual, there are people here with perfect vision in hindsight. But, really, how many parents would think their child would go to school and murder a bunch of his or her classmates?
Very few. And if someone told you (especially pre-Columbine) that they were worried about their kid doing so you'd go home and tell your spouse that person was a paranoid kook.
The two killers are responsible for their actions, kids or not. It's not like the Newtown horror, where the killer's mother knew how messed up her son was and bought him...guns (she paid for that foolishness with her own life). As far as I know the parents of these two maniacs did no similar thing.
Everyone's hearts go out to the parents of the victims, their suffering is beyond imaging. But the killers' parents didn't commit this horrible deed and holding them responsible in retrospect is cruel. It's at the same reflective and intellectual level as people who say about terror situations "I would have charged the guy with the gun". No, 99% of you wouldn't have.
And you wouldn't have recognized a murderous psychopath in the child whose diaper you changed, either.
Very few. And if someone told you (especially pre-Columbine) that they were worried about their kid doing so you'd go home and tell your spouse that person was a paranoid kook.
The two killers are responsible for their actions, kids or not. It's not like the Newtown horror, where the killer's mother knew how messed up her son was and bought him...guns (she paid for that foolishness with her own life). As far as I know the parents of these two maniacs did no similar thing.
Everyone's hearts go out to the parents of the victims, their suffering is beyond imaging. But the killers' parents didn't commit this horrible deed and holding them responsible in retrospect is cruel. It's at the same reflective and intellectual level as people who say about terror situations "I would have charged the guy with the gun". No, 99% of you wouldn't have.
And you wouldn't have recognized a murderous psychopath in the child whose diaper you changed, either.
8
This was a heartbreaking book to read. People seem to forget, that before Columbine, there had been no "large scale" school shootings in 30 years. How could the parents not know? That is the question this devastated woman asks herself everyday. She admits she made mistakes, but at the time, thought her love for her son was enough. She was not negligent or uninvolved. I actually found her to be very involved considering he was 17. She should not be judged by the actions and sins of her son. And lest we forget, she too lost a child. She grieves not only for the child she knew, but also for all of the lives he harmed.
6
While it is true that the Klebold's son was arrested prior to the Columbine massacre and had endured probation and had failed his urinalysis, the sheriff's office had been investigating a complaint filed by another parent about a website this deadly duo maintained. The website clearly illuminated the threat they had become to the community; however, the Sheriff's investigator never filed his report or requested a search warrant, and presumably never talked to the parents of these killers. I just wonder why Mrs. Harris and her husband let their son still hang out with Klebold after the boys were arrested for breaking into a car and stealing items from it? Didn't the respective parents of this deadly duo exchange any kind of information about what led to the stealing incident and how they could jointly cooperate on surveilling their activities? As Reagan once said, "Trust but verify."
1
A mother once stopped me in mid-sentence while I was talking about her daughter's behavior in class. No, no, she said you've got the wrong person,my daughter is xxx. After I told her that was exactly who I was talking about she was speechless.
I'm sure many teachers have had similar experiences when talking to parents about their children. As a rule parents know very little about their children when they are out of their reach and among their peers. In my opinion this is normal and the way it should be. It's part of growing up. When something like Columbine happens I think the greater blame belongs to a society that says if you have a problem go get a gun
I'm sure many teachers have had similar experiences when talking to parents about their children. As a rule parents know very little about their children when they are out of their reach and among their peers. In my opinion this is normal and the way it should be. It's part of growing up. When something like Columbine happens I think the greater blame belongs to a society that says if you have a problem go get a gun
8
Diction! as my English comp instructor wrote on my essays.
I haven't read this book and even if I had, I honestly don't feel as though it's my place to judge Sue Klebold -- I think the collection of comments here show how many different ways to look at what happened. But I think it's unfair of the reviewer to describe a letter from the father of one of the victims to be "understandably cruel." What exactly is cruel about seeking answers for the senseless death of your child? I think anyone suffering such a profound loss has a right to scrutinize a murderer's purpose and origins -- if anything, I think all of us should be spending less time condemning and more time asking a single question: why?
1
People are quick to blame the guns (which, to an extent I do agree with - it is far, far too easy to get your hands on a firearm in this country) but they are also failing to give proper consideration to the role that alcohol might have played in pushing him to do what he did. Alcohol can have a terribly damaging affect on an adolescent, developing mind, and it the consumption of alcohol is also incredibly bad for someone who is feeling depressed and suicidal. We know that Klebold likely was depressed, and that he also drank. That's a terrible combination even for a fully formed adult mind. I hate to say this, but if he had smoked marijuana instead perhaps he wouldn't have been so angry? Perhaps he would've found a different group of associates to hang out with at school. I can't recall ever meeting an angry stoner. Lazy, yes but not angry. I can, however, recall coming across dozens of violent and angry drinkers over the course of my life - and if they also happened to be depressed, then look out. Food for thought.
7
Alcoholic teens, alienated, violent, depressed teens etc. are there all over the world, in every society.
But we're the only ones with massive school shootings.
Why?
Access to guns.
Without guns, these kids would have raged and ranted, and grown up sooner or later, then take this irrevocable step of mass murder and suicide.
But we're the only ones with massive school shootings.
Why?
Access to guns.
Without guns, these kids would have raged and ranted, and grown up sooner or later, then take this irrevocable step of mass murder and suicide.
6
We are told that the book gives an honest account of what happened here from Ms. Klebod's perspective. But there is no indication that she had any valuable insights as this family drama developed, and there is no indication that she has any valuable insights viewing the matter in retrospect. The book apparently just tells the story -- which is about a competent mother who, for whatever reason, lacked the insight that could have averted a tragedy. Absent understanding on her part, Ms. Klebodld's book is one to pass on. I'd rather hear from someone who understood her son better.
1
It is naive and unfair to blame Ms. Klebold for her son's violence and suicide. She may have made mistakes, and perhaps missed signs of her son's mental illness. But what parent has not made mistakes in raising their children? The cause of mental illness is a biochemical brain imbalance, not a failure in parenting. The stigma of mental illness remains, and mental health services can be difficult to access, even for the affluent. While Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris bear some responsibility for the Columbine shootings, untreated mental illness, and easy access to guns are the true cause of the Columbine tragedy.
2
This terrible tragedy has haunted me for years. As a high school junior in 1999, I recall feeling frightened to go to school after Columbine, even more so after my school district initiated weekly safety evacuations that spring. My sense of safety in education environments forever changed. Years later as a high school teacher, I remain constantly aware of how school culture has also changed as a result, yet still strive to be the best teacher I can be.. It's daunting at times, but you hope that you're making a difference in the lives of your students. I agree with the other educators' comments that parents may witness a very different behavior at home. I hope to read the book mentioned one day and wish this mother solace...
17
We live in a violent culture. Or movies, TV shows video games show an unrealistic form of violence, impossible to get away from. It affects us all.
4
Mentally ill or not, Ms. Kelbold's son's secretive, troubled adolescence would have been limited to his annoying behavior if not for the unfettered access that he and his evil partner had to guns and ammunition. While they were guilty of a heinous, violent assault, American society was their silent co-conspritor. Our right to a 'freedom from fear' has been subjugated to the obsession of selfish gun lovers who insist on maintaining their maniacal access to weapons and bullets. We will all continue to take an unnecessary chance with our safety so that a minority can own an assault weapon. More children will die as a result of our complicity.
4
So many people regret the easy access to guns that these kids had - and I keep reading how hopeless it is for us now that there are 300 million guns in circulation. Where was everybody while the number of guns grew and grew? To some, it was not really our problem, until young white boys started slaughtering their classmates. And as soon as we realized there was a problem, everybody rolled over and said, "It's too late. We have been overrun." We used to be able to tackle major challenges in America. Now we act as though we're hopeless. We're not. The people who shrug at maiming and death can't be the strongest and most forthright people in this country. Dylan and Eric needed to be protected by sane gun laws as much as disturbed kids in other countries, whose gun fantasies are just fantasies because they CANNOT GET GUNS.
5
I am very moved reading both this article and the responses in most of the comments. I cannot imagine the pain Sue has been through. I don't know how she made it. It takes courage to write such a book, which, judging from the review, has as its motivation not celebrity or money or defensiveness, but prevention and understanding.
I have three kids. One of them went through a terrible time from 13-18. We are loving parents, with a loving extended family, brought him to all sorts of professionals. It's heartbreaking when you can't help your child, especially when they're so young. Fortunately, he has turned the corner and is a pretty stable young man now, though the pain and fear still rise.
I have three kids. One of them went through a terrible time from 13-18. We are loving parents, with a loving extended family, brought him to all sorts of professionals. It's heartbreaking when you can't help your child, especially when they're so young. Fortunately, he has turned the corner and is a pretty stable young man now, though the pain and fear still rise.
33
Do you ever stop to imagine the pain the victims families have been through as a result of Sue Klebolds' son? What if one of your three kids had been a victim? I don't know how the victims families have made it, but their silence speaks volumes.
1
Families of victims of mass shootings have often gone to Washington to revise gun laws. Here we have a parent of a shooter who seeks to make a mark with her book. Others have analyzed and compared mass shootings in an effort to understand and stop them. These efforts have failed pretty much across the board. We have found no uniform purpose that unites these killings. Young white males are behind many of them, but far from all. Serious mental illness is often present, but often is not. What highway shooters, the Unibomber, Jim Jones, and the Son of Sam have in common is their senselessness. These incidents make clear that the world is not nearly so orderly and logical as many of us like to think.
I pray that all the victims of this horrible action someday find peace. The friends and family of the two boys who killed and harmed so many are victims as well. Too many don't realize this.
4
Only last year my teenaged son regurgitated the excuse that these boys were "bullied" in school by a "jock culture" which made them feel alienated to the point where they were driven to the madness And murder. I was __infuriated__ that schools are still repeating this tired trope.
Eric Harris had 15 complaints lodged against him to police. These involved breaking a windshield, threatening people over the phone and the Internet and theft of expensive photo equipment from a van. Though Harris did his Eddie Haskell routine for the courts, he recorded his true feeling that he had every right to burglarize his victim because the victim was stupid enough to leave the equipment in his van.
Brooks Brown, who keeps turning up like a bad penny on the Internet, is one of the -- if not the major - purveyor of this "bullying" nonsense and the school's emphasis on sports.
1) what high school doesn't have an interest in its sports program? Sports helps get scholarships for students who otherwise could not attend college
2.) Do the actions of Harris and Klebold -- threatening people, destroying property, stealing and ...oh yeah... making hundreds of pipe bombs ....sound like the behavior of helpless boys being bullied by big bad jocks? I've never been interested in sports and I disliked jocks in high school, but this is completely ridiculous. Not everyone is going to like you in life. To become homicidal over clique behavior is not the behavior of a victim
Eric Harris had 15 complaints lodged against him to police. These involved breaking a windshield, threatening people over the phone and the Internet and theft of expensive photo equipment from a van. Though Harris did his Eddie Haskell routine for the courts, he recorded his true feeling that he had every right to burglarize his victim because the victim was stupid enough to leave the equipment in his van.
Brooks Brown, who keeps turning up like a bad penny on the Internet, is one of the -- if not the major - purveyor of this "bullying" nonsense and the school's emphasis on sports.
1) what high school doesn't have an interest in its sports program? Sports helps get scholarships for students who otherwise could not attend college
2.) Do the actions of Harris and Klebold -- threatening people, destroying property, stealing and ...oh yeah... making hundreds of pipe bombs ....sound like the behavior of helpless boys being bullied by big bad jocks? I've never been interested in sports and I disliked jocks in high school, but this is completely ridiculous. Not everyone is going to like you in life. To become homicidal over clique behavior is not the behavior of a victim
6
No parent, teacher or community can prevent depression, angst, anger or mental illness in every teenager. No parent could ever conceive that her child would turn to this kind of violence.
We allowed this suicidal child access to weapons.
It's our fault, not hers.
We allowed this suicidal child access to weapons.
It's our fault, not hers.
6
Being a parent, like many of my fellow readers, I carefully stick my head out of my shell and say that Columbine represents the ultimate parenting failure -- sorry to be so harsh, but there is no pretty way to say that this completely effed-up crime-death scenario is the substance of every parents' worst nightmare, and Ms. Klebold, this is your son, your spawn. You and your husband really blew it along the way and your son helped forge a path of nihilistic death and destruction that is copied to this day -- mass shootings of innocent people in a public setting for purposes of sensational attention are now tattooed into our national psyche.
I haven't read Ms. Klebold's memoir, and I won't. I'm sorry, but her son's actions have clearly stated all that needs be said about poor judgement and dysfunction.
As others have noted, guns are the core of this topic. It's not hard to understand why guns play such a pivotal role in death in America. Guns are the ultimate expression of executive action; they are immediate, potent, & final. Guns are also very expensive, so it really is quite predictable that people who buy guns truly want to find themselves in or create situations that justify the use of their very costly expenditures. Duh, if people spend a king's ransom on something that promises that they'll get the last word, then heck ya, they WILL put those items to use.
Guns are too fast, too easy, too permanent; they must be limited.
I haven't read Ms. Klebold's memoir, and I won't. I'm sorry, but her son's actions have clearly stated all that needs be said about poor judgement and dysfunction.
As others have noted, guns are the core of this topic. It's not hard to understand why guns play such a pivotal role in death in America. Guns are the ultimate expression of executive action; they are immediate, potent, & final. Guns are also very expensive, so it really is quite predictable that people who buy guns truly want to find themselves in or create situations that justify the use of their very costly expenditures. Duh, if people spend a king's ransom on something that promises that they'll get the last word, then heck ya, they WILL put those items to use.
Guns are too fast, too easy, too permanent; they must be limited.
19
I wonder why the girl who bought the guns for them did so. It makes no sense.
Consider "There but for the grace of God go I" before condemning the parents. Parents contribute genes that evolved over millions of years. Unless they created their own DNA these parents are not to blame for how these genes combine and interact with the environment to express themselves. Providing a warm and loving family and/or strict and moralistic environment does not cure or make depression or sociopathy go away. Family even with the best of intentions cannot always know and control the evil intentions of one of it's members any more than we can control who gets cancer. To blame is only a comfort to those who think they can control their own fate.
5
I agree with you about the impact Columbine has had on our society - it changed our society forever and has served as a template for copy-cats, and I share your anger at that.
However I think you are too harsh on the Klebolds when you say they really blew it - even great kids emit odd signals from time to time - what parent of a teenage boy has never endured a dismissive sneer or a lie. You assume you would have done a better job at deciphering the young man's intent that day - I think that's the wishful thinking that Ms. Kelbold probably subjects herself to every day. You overestimate a parent's ability to control the actions of their teenager. It sounds like they were a positive presence in their son's life and gave him a good foundation.
However I think you are too harsh on the Klebolds when you say they really blew it - even great kids emit odd signals from time to time - what parent of a teenage boy has never endured a dismissive sneer or a lie. You assume you would have done a better job at deciphering the young man's intent that day - I think that's the wishful thinking that Ms. Kelbold probably subjects herself to every day. You overestimate a parent's ability to control the actions of their teenager. It sounds like they were a positive presence in their son's life and gave him a good foundation.
2
"But Dylan had sailed through a counseling program offered as an alternative, even graduating from it early."
First sign that he could be a sociopath. Sociopaths know how to manipulate therapists.
First sign that he could be a sociopath. Sociopaths know how to manipulate therapists.
7
I have a nephew who survived Columbine and has been forever scarred. That being said, I can't help but ask, "Why bring this pain back up?" I hope the book helps those who lost loved ones, and I hope it helps Ms. Klebold.
8
Maybe because we're still in pain over so many other shootings?
3
How does working with disabled college students set "a moral example"?
2
How does it not?
4
In the same way working with black college students would not.
It's patronizing.
It's patronizing.
There is much to question in Ms. Klebold's actions. There is much she could have done better. But this account points to no fatal flaw. All parents fall short. Most of our shortcomings do not lead to tragic endings. I'm more inclined to think that the rest of us are lucky and not that Ms. Klebod was inexcusably deficient.
11
I cannot imagine the horror and the pain felt both by Ms. Klebold and the families of the victims. May they someday find a degree of relief from their losses.
“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart
until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.” - Aeschylus
“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart
until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.” - Aeschylus
2
I don't blame Sue Klebold for what happened. The truth is that the teenage years are very dark, and I have worried about teenagers I personally know who have lashed out, isolated themselves, etc. As one commenter noted, only someone who was very paranoid would've suspected what Dylan and Eric were up to. After their arrest for breaking into a car and stealing computers, they both impressed their probation officers and finished the program earlier than expected (Harris was a psychopathic, but very charming, liar). They both participated in school activities. Dylan went to his prom. He was planning on going to college (Arizona State, I think?). Things seemed normal: for the little trouble they had been in, they had been cleared by law enforcement.
Some commenters have said that if Dylan and Eric had not obtained guns so easily, then the tragedy would never have happened. Maybe. They had successfully built pipe bombs in the past, and they brought two propane bombs to school on that fateful day and put them in the cafeteria. They didn't detonate (although the police later discovered that the bombs were capable of detonating), but had they gone off, hundreds would have been killed. If Dylan and Eric had not had guns and only had bombs, I'm not convinced that they wouldn't have tinkered with their bombs and brought back a more lethal version, say, a week later.
Some commenters have said that if Dylan and Eric had not obtained guns so easily, then the tragedy would never have happened. Maybe. They had successfully built pipe bombs in the past, and they brought two propane bombs to school on that fateful day and put them in the cafeteria. They didn't detonate (although the police later discovered that the bombs were capable of detonating), but had they gone off, hundreds would have been killed. If Dylan and Eric had not had guns and only had bombs, I'm not convinced that they wouldn't have tinkered with their bombs and brought back a more lethal version, say, a week later.
13
I saw Klebold's interview with Diane Sawyer. She is still racked with grief and guilt over what happened. Given everything she knew and tried to do for her son, I don't believe she ever once imagined he would go on a murderous rampage and then take his own life. I hope this book will help her and others.
"Which of us has known his brother? Which of us has looked into his father's heart? Which of us has not remained forever prison-pent? Which of us is not forever a stranger and alone?"
-Thomas Wolfe
"Which of us has known his brother? Which of us has looked into his father's heart? Which of us has not remained forever prison-pent? Which of us is not forever a stranger and alone?"
-Thomas Wolfe
9
When I was a high school student attending a small town school in the Pacific Northwest in my junior year in 1973, I and a friend drew up plans to bring guns to school to wreak havoc. Fueled by alienation and rage, we had easy access to an assortment of handguns and hunting rifles. We spent a few weeks planning the attack. But in the end, we did nothing. I brought a handgun to school to show my friends, but that was it. I eventually outgrew my unfocused rage. Today, I am an educator nearing retirement.
The teenage years are fraught with so much passion and angst and today's youth have such easy access to weapons of destruction, it is surprising that those without good social networks and close-knit families don't commit more atrocities. In 1973, my school was blithely unaware of the dangers. When I did a stint of student teaching there in the 1990's, I recall when a student was caught bringing a loaded gun to school. The information was quickly buried by school administrators, allegedly to keep parents from panicking. One positive change is that today's kids are much more alert to the possibilities of danger and the frailties of the system that is suppose to guide and protect them. As a consequence, they are much quicker to report anything that looks suspicious. It is still up to the adults in charge to act on dangers that are now well known and ever present.
The teenage years are fraught with so much passion and angst and today's youth have such easy access to weapons of destruction, it is surprising that those without good social networks and close-knit families don't commit more atrocities. In 1973, my school was blithely unaware of the dangers. When I did a stint of student teaching there in the 1990's, I recall when a student was caught bringing a loaded gun to school. The information was quickly buried by school administrators, allegedly to keep parents from panicking. One positive change is that today's kids are much more alert to the possibilities of danger and the frailties of the system that is suppose to guide and protect them. As a consequence, they are much quicker to report anything that looks suspicious. It is still up to the adults in charge to act on dangers that are now well known and ever present.
17
This is an interesting thing. Are you male? Because, anecdotally speaking, I tend to notice the violent ideation in males mainly and less so in females. I only can recall one mass murderer who was female, a postal worker, but most mass murderers are these young males, who are overwhelmingly white and not exactly poor.
4
I hope you didn't keep guns in your home when it was your turn to raise kids.
1
I had a period of time in my teenage years where I thought I might do something violent or something violent might happen to me. It's almost as if I were transfixed by the thought of violence rather than me committing it. So more binary than something I would ever think today.
1
Man, the comments are pretty bad. Many are horrible, just as I would have guessed. So many model parents out there. All who know exactly the thoughts going through their childrens minds. Impressive.
41
With 90 victims of gun violence every day in America, it's hard to keep track of all of their names.
2
A thought experiment for all reading this book review:
Right now -- with no pausing, no scrolling, no tab-opening, or Google-ing allowed -- take a pencil and jot down the name (given-, or familial-) of one, just ONE, of the Columbine victims.
A fascinating cultural selfie
Right now -- with no pausing, no scrolling, no tab-opening, or Google-ing allowed -- take a pencil and jot down the name (given-, or familial-) of one, just ONE, of the Columbine victims.
A fascinating cultural selfie
13
This is the most interesting post here. And you're right, we know the names of the killers and not those of the victims - it happens time and again.
On the other hand, if anyone is to learn from these situations -- if a parent is to note a warning sign, for instance -- the media does need to discuss why people like this commit the crimes they do.
It's a tough balancing act. This society has a lot of selfies to take, asking ourselves why we love guns is another good one. Granting media fame to the psychopath is but one of many.
On the other hand, if anyone is to learn from these situations -- if a parent is to note a warning sign, for instance -- the media does need to discuss why people like this commit the crimes they do.
It's a tough balancing act. This society has a lot of selfies to take, asking ourselves why we love guns is another good one. Granting media fame to the psychopath is but one of many.
2
Sadly I could not do it, very sad. Happens more than we know. Powerful comment.
2
Not only can I name them, I can summon images of them to mind, too. Knowing the names of the perpetrators does not indicate a lack of compassion for the families of the other victims. Some of those young people continue to live in our community. Just a couple of years ago, my kids were on lock-down as yet another young person killed a fellow high school student. I value Sue Klebold's recollections as a contribution to the discussion about how to prevent future tragedies. We've been through enough.
4
Nobody ever blamed her for this; we all share the blame. Mrs. Klebold should take some solace in that. Moreover, she can be assured that she is not alone, for there are many like her now, the latest in a lineage of peculiar all-American archetypes: the parent of a school shooter. 17 years later, all any conscientious American parent can say is "there but for the grace of God go I."
20
Where was Dylan's father? Was he always hanging out with his co-conspirator instead of his Dad?
Mother's number one question should be "What kind of father will this guy be to our children." A lot of problems could be prevented by one simple thing-- Dad spending time with his son
Inmates besiege prison chaplains every Mother's Day for greeting cards; Father's Day, nary a request
Mother's number one question should be "What kind of father will this guy be to our children." A lot of problems could be prevented by one simple thing-- Dad spending time with his son
Inmates besiege prison chaplains every Mother's Day for greeting cards; Father's Day, nary a request
6
In the book review, it is mentioned Dylan's dad stayed at home and the two of them interacted on a daily basis.
5
The questions you pose are answered in the first few paragraphs. His father, who worked at home, spent significant "quality" time with Dylan each day.
Clearly you didn't read the article.
Clearly you didn't read the article.
7
We stare at other people. We live around them, we share a community and some fragments of cultural time and place. Yet, we don't know others and what goes on in their minds. We are intimate strangers, even with family members.
Long ago, I read a quote from a writer who said we see other people and assume they are like us because we have no other choice. Adolescence is the time of the great disturbance, particularly for teenage boys. There is no other period that compares, except for birth, the death of a very close loved one or one's own death. Just at the time when boys are most in need of anchors, they want to withdraw into a private world and want to lock others out.
Living in an educated, forcefully organized society requires great patience and considerable discipline. For teenagers, everything, or almost everything, is delay, wait, stop, defer when the mind, hormones and body are all screaming go, go, go. Thomas Jefferson was building what would become his great house, Monticello, at the age of 19. Alexander the Great assumed the throne of Greece at age 20. Rimbaud was finished writing poetry at 19. We have locked away the lives of the young, requiring education to the age of 22 to 27.
Is high school a natural state? The key would have been separating these two, Klebold and Harris, but most parents lack the courage to intervene so directly. Parents I have seen are often afraid of their kids, afraid to lose their affection and connection, soft when firmness is needed.
Long ago, I read a quote from a writer who said we see other people and assume they are like us because we have no other choice. Adolescence is the time of the great disturbance, particularly for teenage boys. There is no other period that compares, except for birth, the death of a very close loved one or one's own death. Just at the time when boys are most in need of anchors, they want to withdraw into a private world and want to lock others out.
Living in an educated, forcefully organized society requires great patience and considerable discipline. For teenagers, everything, or almost everything, is delay, wait, stop, defer when the mind, hormones and body are all screaming go, go, go. Thomas Jefferson was building what would become his great house, Monticello, at the age of 19. Alexander the Great assumed the throne of Greece at age 20. Rimbaud was finished writing poetry at 19. We have locked away the lives of the young, requiring education to the age of 22 to 27.
Is high school a natural state? The key would have been separating these two, Klebold and Harris, but most parents lack the courage to intervene so directly. Parents I have seen are often afraid of their kids, afraid to lose their affection and connection, soft when firmness is needed.
22
Boy, talk about "narrow blindered vision". You are assuming that most people are affluent white people, and send their kids to college AND graduate school, since you think "most young men are in education programs until TWENTY SEVEN". Actually most people (men AND women) do not graduate from college. My son and my nephew were serving in the US military by the time they were 21.
It goes beyond saying that Jefferson, ALEXANDER and even Rimbaud were extreme outliers.
On the other hand, so were Klebold and Harris. Most cranky, aimless teenage boys hid in their rooms and play violent video games -- and nothing comes of it. Being a mass murderer is not a common outcome of such behaviors -- not at all -- and trying to make them "examples" just won't work.
It goes beyond saying that Jefferson, ALEXANDER and even Rimbaud were extreme outliers.
On the other hand, so were Klebold and Harris. Most cranky, aimless teenage boys hid in their rooms and play violent video games -- and nothing comes of it. Being a mass murderer is not a common outcome of such behaviors -- not at all -- and trying to make them "examples" just won't work.
3
I said NOTHING, Concerned Citizen, about "most" people being locked away in education. I said that we as a society have done so and, of course, this applies only to a cohort within the society. Of course I realize there are other examples, my own life being one, since I worked up to 7 days a week while I was in college and began my career in broadcasting while a teenager.
As for outliers, I used those historic examples because they were the ones that came readily to mind. (Neither you nor I know, except in general terms, what the population was doing 150 yrs. ago; most likely backbreaking work at 15+) The point was that people engaged in major constructive activities at younger ages in earlier times. We now have more than 1/3 of our population heading off to college, submitting themselves to the instructions of others at a time that is the most energetic and usually most creative period in life. An argument can be made, in fact, that the Colorado killers were turning their creative impulses to destructive ends. Too much is made of "role models", but it is always interesting to consider what might have happened if negative desires had met up with positive influences. As you note, many young people choose the military to serve as a sense of direction and purpose in a period where they might otherwise have none.
As for outliers, I used those historic examples because they were the ones that came readily to mind. (Neither you nor I know, except in general terms, what the population was doing 150 yrs. ago; most likely backbreaking work at 15+) The point was that people engaged in major constructive activities at younger ages in earlier times. We now have more than 1/3 of our population heading off to college, submitting themselves to the instructions of others at a time that is the most energetic and usually most creative period in life. An argument can be made, in fact, that the Colorado killers were turning their creative impulses to destructive ends. Too much is made of "role models", but it is always interesting to consider what might have happened if negative desires had met up with positive influences. As you note, many young people choose the military to serve as a sense of direction and purpose in a period where they might otherwise have none.
1
I don't usually come to rely too much on reviews fraught with authorial intention... but here the sketch was rendered beautifully very nicely done very moving
12
There were dozens of signs that Dylan Klebow and his fellow Goth friend were antisocial and psychopathic. Dylan's parents didn't want to see - they didn't want to take responsibility.
We need for parents to take responsibility. The comments reflect people who do not believe in science and taking action on facts.
Wringing your hands and saying there is nothing that could be done is just escapism - the kind of escapism that unintentionally probably enabled them to give their son an SUV and not pay any attention to how much money he was spending on ammunitioni. There was never a receipt in the garbage for the ammunition charge?
Parents and friends have to say something if they see something. It's like reporting potential terrorists.
We need for parents to take responsibility. The comments reflect people who do not believe in science and taking action on facts.
Wringing your hands and saying there is nothing that could be done is just escapism - the kind of escapism that unintentionally probably enabled them to give their son an SUV and not pay any attention to how much money he was spending on ammunitioni. There was never a receipt in the garbage for the ammunition charge?
Parents and friends have to say something if they see something. It's like reporting potential terrorists.
10
That is grossly unfair. Of course they cared. Both sets of parents tried to connect with their sons, and get them help. Eric Harris was on meds and seeing a doctor.
What on earth is it you think they COULD have done? Put their sons in jail? Military school? a mental hospital? Remember that BEFORE the shootings, they were entirely blameless and had not done anything worse then youthful pranks that many kids do at that age. Are you arguing for the confinement or punishment of children BEFORE they do anything, on the grounds that they MIGHT do something? Because frankly that sounds illegal, like "thought policing".
Also the idea that somehow Mrs. Klebold could have found ammunition receipts in the garage is bizarre. Do you have teenagers? do you go through all their garbage, on the off chance you will find a strange purchase which will inform you that they are going to become mass murderers? Is that really the standard -- garbage patrol?
Even being spoiled is not the motivating factor here. Whether either boy had his own SUV or not, did not determine their murderous intent. Terrorists of all stripes are clever at hiding, apparently. Nobody suspected the San Bernardino terrorists, either.
What on earth is it you think they COULD have done? Put their sons in jail? Military school? a mental hospital? Remember that BEFORE the shootings, they were entirely blameless and had not done anything worse then youthful pranks that many kids do at that age. Are you arguing for the confinement or punishment of children BEFORE they do anything, on the grounds that they MIGHT do something? Because frankly that sounds illegal, like "thought policing".
Also the idea that somehow Mrs. Klebold could have found ammunition receipts in the garage is bizarre. Do you have teenagers? do you go through all their garbage, on the off chance you will find a strange purchase which will inform you that they are going to become mass murderers? Is that really the standard -- garbage patrol?
Even being spoiled is not the motivating factor here. Whether either boy had his own SUV or not, did not determine their murderous intent. Terrorists of all stripes are clever at hiding, apparently. Nobody suspected the San Bernardino terrorists, either.
6
Psychiatrists do not believe Dylan was psychopathic or antisocial but they do believe Eric was clearly a psychopath
3
Who are you to judge anyone? What you're implying is that she should've anticipated a school shooting. She should've anticipated something of that magnitude. The fact is that it's very easy to hide things from your parents. It's very easy to act one way in front of your parents when, in fact, you're a completely different person. I did it all the time. Parents do what they can. She took her son to therapy. She didn't see this coming. Don't make it her fault. We're talking about a young adult who was very aware of right and wrong. He wasn't autistic. He wasn't developmentally impaired. He was an angry kid who probably knew how to mask it well enough to not pose a threat to society. You seem like someone who always knows what to do in any given circumstance. I tip my hat to you for having it all figured out.
2
Sue Klebold did nothing. She did not beat her son. She did not ignore him. She loved her child and did not see him for anything but a teenager who was acting like a teenager. If you can find fault in her inaction, then you are lucky. Lucky to not have known teenagers and lucky to have never retraced a loved one's vanishing steps. It is a Sisyphean curse to try to remember a series of forgettable moments as significant.
That Sue Klebold has had to live each day trying to find the clues of her own culpability is hell enough. Take it from me, in her heart she will never know if she could stopped her son. It is a regret so destructive that death is a welcome respite.
We all deserve redemption if we can see our way to it. At least she is trying. In the face of everything, at least she is trying. Forgive her, you might need the same grace one day.
That Sue Klebold has had to live each day trying to find the clues of her own culpability is hell enough. Take it from me, in her heart she will never know if she could stopped her son. It is a regret so destructive that death is a welcome respite.
We all deserve redemption if we can see our way to it. At least she is trying. In the face of everything, at least she is trying. Forgive her, you might need the same grace one day.
243
Thank you, Adrianne.
2
Well said. People are so quick to judgment, you'd swear they were perfect.
4
As horrible has Ms. Klebold's experience is, most of it is hardly unique: she had a son with severe mental illness who killed himself. The only reason we know the name or care at all is because he had access to guns. My apologies for sounding insensitive, but a memoir that doesn't address access to firearms and mental illness really misses the point. I'm sorry she lost her son. But she appears also to have missed a chance to address the real reason we know her name.
14
Yeah but then people would accuse her of blaming guns not her own son.
15
The vast VAST majority of mentally ill people never harm anyone, except themselves.
The vast VAST majority of gun owners use those guns safely & appropriately for hunting or sports or collecting.
The vast VAST majority of even mentally ill gun owners never commit any crimes of any kind. When they use a gun wrongly, it is almost always to end their own lives, not that of other people.
This kind of crime is extremely rare, and bizarre. It can happen anywhere, and to claim that somehow "parents must have known" or that you can suss it out by suspecting kids who are moody or strange or wear black trenchcoats or have SUVs or draw angry cartoons or play violent video games....is just incorrect. Millions of kids do those things, and NEVER act out in violence.
If Klebold and Harris had instead set off pipe bombs inside Columbine High School, we'd still know their names. The 9/11 terrorists required no guns of any kind to bring down 2 skyscrapers and kill 3000 people.
The vast VAST majority of gun owners use those guns safely & appropriately for hunting or sports or collecting.
The vast VAST majority of even mentally ill gun owners never commit any crimes of any kind. When they use a gun wrongly, it is almost always to end their own lives, not that of other people.
This kind of crime is extremely rare, and bizarre. It can happen anywhere, and to claim that somehow "parents must have known" or that you can suss it out by suspecting kids who are moody or strange or wear black trenchcoats or have SUVs or draw angry cartoons or play violent video games....is just incorrect. Millions of kids do those things, and NEVER act out in violence.
If Klebold and Harris had instead set off pipe bombs inside Columbine High School, we'd still know their names. The 9/11 terrorists required no guns of any kind to bring down 2 skyscrapers and kill 3000 people.
1
More and more evidence is surfacing that psychiatric drugs cause suicidal and psychopathic thinking in children and teens.
It's worth considering and talking about what all the popular psychiatric drugs -- antidepressants, antipsychotics, stimulants, benzos -- are doing to children and teens.
An important study about this was recently published in the British Medical Journal, and Canadian and UK papers published stories about it on their front pages. Sadly, the big American papers chose to not mention it.
It's worth considering and talking about what all the popular psychiatric drugs -- antidepressants, antipsychotics, stimulants, benzos -- are doing to children and teens.
An important study about this was recently published in the British Medical Journal, and Canadian and UK papers published stories about it on their front pages. Sadly, the big American papers chose to not mention it.
20
Why this comment is not a NYPick is quite betond me!
Psychiatric drugs are reaking havoc in this country as Big Pharm holds sway.
These kids dont need drugs, legal or not. They need to be heard, from a young age. Enough with the peer pressure, enough with the guns, enough with the goddamn internet and TV and reckless violence all around which we deem entertainment. Really??
Psychiatric drugs are reaking havoc in this country as Big Pharm holds sway.
These kids dont need drugs, legal or not. They need to be heard, from a young age. Enough with the peer pressure, enough with the guns, enough with the goddamn internet and TV and reckless violence all around which we deem entertainment. Really??
3
Without the guns, there would have been no great tragedy.
41
Every dime from this should go to the victims and their families. Writing a book is a cry for public absolution for her parental failings. Pray, get therapy, but look for your absolution in private not from us. I see this exercise as yet another lapse in judgment.
9
profits are going to mental health research
3
All of the profits go to mental health organizations. Sue is voluntarily not seeing a dime of this.
2
Good Lord. Don't fall from that pedestal. All of that santimonious
delusion will shatter on impact.
And you lost all credibility with "pray" and "absolution."
delusion will shatter on impact.
And you lost all credibility with "pray" and "absolution."
4
to judge these parents betrays the focus of who we are, for parents love their children in an open and unconditional way----to think of them clinically contradicts the very crux of what a loving parent is.
16
There are a lot of parents who do not recognize red flags and do not know how to react even if they do. I and others I know recognized and addressed much less dangerous red flags.
1
I'm struck by a number of comments here that insinuate that Ms. Klebold and other parents should have recognized such signs as black trench coats, black clothing, Goth-like appearance, etc as a "sign" of the tragedy to come. Honestly, before Columbine, were kids in black trench coats such an iconic symbol representing evil? Or did Columbine create that? I wore all black, including black trench coats, in high school, and did my best to appear as "goth" as possible (admittedly any true goth would have never accepted me because I was scared to stand out too much). Goth does not equal violence, but only represents a desire to stand out, to be an individual and fight against the mainstream. That certainly does not equal mass murder, and it's a real shame that I feel the need to point that out.
42
He was building bombs in the garage!!!!!!
6
Judging from 600+ comments here, a lot of people are "armchair experts", sure they would be capable of figuring out that their average, moody, unremarkable teenager son was going to be the one in 100 million who was going to go on murderous rampage.
4
No, he wasn't. You need to get your facts straight.
1
What this tale shows is that the peers of teen-agers can have an immense effect on behavior. Dylan Klebold was just an extreme case, but not a unique one.
19
It is tragic that this woman, with all that she has suffered, has to deal with the side issue of forgiveness. Forgiveness in the Judeo-Christian tradition is applicable only when the wrongdoer repents; at that point the offended person is obligated to forgive (Luke 17:3). No repentance, no forgiveness. Mrs. Klebod did not "sin" in the traditional sense or in any sense. She broke no commandments. Her son did. The parents are not to be punished for the sins of their children; everyone is punished for their own sin (Deuteronomy 24:16). As a father, I ache for Mrs. Klebold.
47
How easy it is for any one of us to criticize Mrs Klebold - none of us walks in her shoes.
A little compassion please?
Mrs Klebold, I applaud you. And wish you peace.
A little compassion please?
Mrs Klebold, I applaud you. And wish you peace.
64
As the father of a 16-year old and a 12-year old, both boys, I read this article wondering if there's anything I'm missing as I watch them go through this tough stretch of time - the teen years. It's spooky that Dylan Klebold could have seemed so normal to his parents and then go out and did what he did. I suppose the car break-in was a signal of some sort; luckily my kids haven't been in trouble with the police yet!
4
Check the garage for signs of bomb building
3
Spend lots of time with your sons, and know them as well as you can, and love them. Love them with everything that's in you.
1
Why did she write the book now? Who gets the profit from the book? If not the victims or a victims fund, then why not? Is the money going to pay off legal fees and lawsuits?
3
The proceeds are going to mental health charities.
4
I understand that any profits from the book will be donated to causes related to mental health issues.
7
It goes to charities for mental health. The NYT should amend their review to note that.
21
Dylan made his own choices. They did not teach him the way to end suffering is to kill others. Could they have prevented his suicide? Maybe. But the murders are not their fault. Millions of people commit suicide without killing others. That is on Dylan.
12
I find it sadly haunting that we will always remember the name "Klebold" in regard to that tragedy than we ever will remember the names of even a single victim.
His mother deserves a marketplace for her grief while the victims get doodley squat...
Dylan won...
His mother deserves a marketplace for her grief while the victims get doodley squat...
Dylan won...
4
Nobody won!
22
Then why, pray tell, am I forced to look at his picture and read his story? Why must it be all about the Klebolds? You've come to the place where you want me to believe they are the victims...
I ain't buying it...
I ain't buying it...
2
Speak for yourself. Many of us remember multiple victims' names.
2
She is naive about the whole thing. Zero sympathy from me.
10
Agree with you NV, they chose not to follow up on their instincts that he as troubled, continued to pamper and make excuses for him, and lots of people died. This book seems designed to give closure for her, does nothing for the families of the victims.
7
Fortunately for Mrs. Klebold, your sympathy matters not at all.
4
Coming from the perfect parents, obviously. Be careful casting your stones.
1
Perhaps the singular American Folie à deux. Influenced by the wrong person, I wonder how many of us would have done the same during the odd years of being a teenager.
6
So you say there's little people can do to prevent such tragedies. How about some thoughts from Sue Klebold's book:
"I wish I had sat in silence with him instead of filling the void with my own words and thoughts; I wish I had acknowledged his feelings instead of trying to talk him out of them..."
"Acknowledged his feelings." That is an adult's primary job with toddlers, kids, and teens. Set boundaries, rules, yes, of course, but acknowledge the other's humanity, first and foremost, or the boundaries will never be taken seriously.
If you don't water a plant it will die. If you don't nurture a human being, there is also a death. People are fragile. No, they won't all become serial killers, but many will die slow deaths from depression and alcoholism.
"I wish I had sat in silence with him instead of filling the void with my own words and thoughts; I wish I had acknowledged his feelings instead of trying to talk him out of them..."
"Acknowledged his feelings." That is an adult's primary job with toddlers, kids, and teens. Set boundaries, rules, yes, of course, but acknowledge the other's humanity, first and foremost, or the boundaries will never be taken seriously.
If you don't water a plant it will die. If you don't nurture a human being, there is also a death. People are fragile. No, they won't all become serial killers, but many will die slow deaths from depression and alcoholism.
16
dga,
Unfortunately, I think that not acknowledging feelings, not accepting that a young person is even allowed to think thoughts that a calm adult might find off the mark is very far from rare.
Frankly, I think there are about a million Sue Klebold's out there, right now. 999,999 will avoid having their family name gain such notoriety. 1 will not.
Unfortunately, I think that not acknowledging feelings, not accepting that a young person is even allowed to think thoughts that a calm adult might find off the mark is very far from rare.
Frankly, I think there are about a million Sue Klebold's out there, right now. 999,999 will avoid having their family name gain such notoriety. 1 will not.
2
I only have one questions for this boy's mother. Where did a minor get all those weapons and ammunition?
5
The local big box retailer down the road. It's that simple, even a child could purchase guns and ammo with out an adult present.
22
And so of course, Zach, it was the epitome of good governance to legislate and endorse the consumption of opiates and cannibinoids - in lollypops, especially - among the Colorado wunderkinder between shopping excursions to get more ammo. Rocky Mountain high, bang bang!
Moral of story: If you see/hear/feel something, say something. Parents need to be told about the bad behavior of their children so they can choose how to address it. This is the social contract: we owe it to each other to keep society safe.
8
Only in a country like hours do troubled teenagers get their hands on military style weapons. It's a terrible combination. Just how much damage could these 2 have done if all they had to use was knives?
30
How much damage did Timothy McVeigh do with a truck and some fertilizer?
Some of the most horrific crimes in recent memory (9/11, etc.) did not involve guns but still killed hundreds or thousands of innocent people.
Some of the most horrific crimes in recent memory (9/11, etc.) did not involve guns but still killed hundreds or thousands of innocent people.
2
Well, sorry. We may not know exactly what is wrong with our children, or another family member we regularly see, or with a colleague--but we know there is something not right.
Everyone claiming your parents "never guessed"--maybe your parents refused to think about it, or were afraid to ask or discuss, or were too busy or too concerned with other problems to give your distress their priority.
Kids never stop needing their parents. I wasn't able to stay home when my child was young, but I refused to continue full-time outside employment when my child was old enough for middle school. I was there, every day, when he came home from school. At that age, and during the HS years, kids don't talk to you when you want to talk. But if you are available, and willing to listen, they will talk when they are ready. My kid would emerge from his room to take a break from homework, sometimes at 10 p.m. and maybe at midnight, and because I didn't need to get up for work the next morning, I was there in the living room ready to listen when he began to tell me about his day, and his friends, etc. etc.. Those were the years when I proved to him that I could be patient, and could listen, and most of all that he was my priority. Those were the years that helped me understand the difference between a tired cranky kid, and one who might be worried or concerned about something, and that I needed to ask until I got an answer that made sense. All parents must find the way to do that too.
Everyone claiming your parents "never guessed"--maybe your parents refused to think about it, or were afraid to ask or discuss, or were too busy or too concerned with other problems to give your distress their priority.
Kids never stop needing their parents. I wasn't able to stay home when my child was young, but I refused to continue full-time outside employment when my child was old enough for middle school. I was there, every day, when he came home from school. At that age, and during the HS years, kids don't talk to you when you want to talk. But if you are available, and willing to listen, they will talk when they are ready. My kid would emerge from his room to take a break from homework, sometimes at 10 p.m. and maybe at midnight, and because I didn't need to get up for work the next morning, I was there in the living room ready to listen when he began to tell me about his day, and his friends, etc. etc.. Those were the years when I proved to him that I could be patient, and could listen, and most of all that he was my priority. Those were the years that helped me understand the difference between a tired cranky kid, and one who might be worried or concerned about something, and that I needed to ask until I got an answer that made sense. All parents must find the way to do that too.
15
I don't think that this has anything to do with his mom being a working mother. Did you notice that his dad was a stay at home father? this terrible tragedy doesn't relate to his parents employment status.
43
I'm not talking about employment. I'm talking about making time for one's children.
The other son was evicted from their home for drug using. How many bad apples fall from a sound tree?
The other son was evicted from their home for drug using. How many bad apples fall from a sound tree?
9
Obviously more than you are willing to acknowledge.
Mrs. Sue Klebold wrote 300 pages of regrets, desperation and remorses.
The NRA and its lobbyists, after 17 years and other similar tragedies, are still too busy to write even a single page of their book.
The NRA and its lobbyists, after 17 years and other similar tragedies, are still too busy to write even a single page of their book.
54
those of you living in southern california and truly interested in brain research should consider donating your brain to this organisation -- this is th first attempt to understand th brain at th molecular level
at th macro level, there appears to be no difference in th brains of creative geniuses or serial killers
if indeed a difference in brain architecture is responsible for behaviour
( debatable at this point ), then how it works can only be discovered at th molecular level, if at all
http://www.nature.com/news/postmortem-of-famous-brain-explains-why-its-o...
thebrainobservatory.ucsd.edu
at th macro level, there appears to be no difference in th brains of creative geniuses or serial killers
if indeed a difference in brain architecture is responsible for behaviour
( debatable at this point ), then how it works can only be discovered at th molecular level, if at all
http://www.nature.com/news/postmortem-of-famous-brain-explains-why-its-o...
thebrainobservatory.ucsd.edu
2
I remember reading that there was all sorts of bomb-making and ammunition evidenced in the perpetrators houses and garages. They wrote terrible things in school assignments. They wore only black clothes every day. What did they read? Watch? They had already committed petty crime. How did they treat animals?
Mrs. Klebold, the mother of a criminal who had already committed a serious crime and was behaving very peculiarly, did not take responsibility. I do not want to read her book. It sounds too self serving to be bearable. Ths book may have given Mrs. Klebold some relief. I doubt that it has provided any succor for the victims and their families. The less we hear from the Klebolds, the better, unless they a have some real explanation for what happened.
At the very least, didn't see notice that Dylan's only friend was a fellow Goth, black-wearing misanthrope? Did she discuss what to do with his friends parents? The boy wrote horrible things. Why didn't she read some of his papers, and discuss his dark thoughts with his teachers?. She didn't notice the guns and the ammunition? Where did those boys get the money? If my teen age son had acted that way - fortunately he did not - I would have been reading everything he wrote and sought psychiatric counsel.
I think the parents of teenagers, even in America, bear responsibility for their children's actions until they are 18 years old. Too bad the victims' survivors couldn't at least sue the Klebolds in civil court.
Mrs. Klebold, the mother of a criminal who had already committed a serious crime and was behaving very peculiarly, did not take responsibility. I do not want to read her book. It sounds too self serving to be bearable. Ths book may have given Mrs. Klebold some relief. I doubt that it has provided any succor for the victims and their families. The less we hear from the Klebolds, the better, unless they a have some real explanation for what happened.
At the very least, didn't see notice that Dylan's only friend was a fellow Goth, black-wearing misanthrope? Did she discuss what to do with his friends parents? The boy wrote horrible things. Why didn't she read some of his papers, and discuss his dark thoughts with his teachers?. She didn't notice the guns and the ammunition? Where did those boys get the money? If my teen age son had acted that way - fortunately he did not - I would have been reading everything he wrote and sought psychiatric counsel.
I think the parents of teenagers, even in America, bear responsibility for their children's actions until they are 18 years old. Too bad the victims' survivors couldn't at least sue the Klebolds in civil court.
7
The two boys did their planning and stockpiled and crafted their weapons away from the Klebolds' home, specifically, so there were no weapons and ammunition to notice. Of course, if you read the book, you would learn that kind of thing. If you think sending every misanthropic kid wearing black to therapy will solve this kind of problem, you are sadly mistaken. And as it happens, the victims' families could, and did, receive settlements from the perpetrators' parents, for all the good that must have done.
2
I hope this books helps this mother and prevents other mass shootings like this.
I'm not sure I would have survived if this had been my child. I admire her compassion and courage to write this book.
I'm not sure I would have survived if this had been my child. I admire her compassion and courage to write this book.
19
Yes. It's about breaking the silence and denial of our personal issues. Getting the help we need and sharing that information so others can benefit from the knowledge who are faced with similar circumstances. This is how we prevent these sort of things from reoccurring.
5
Before the Klebold's bought the home they lived in at the time of the killing a friend of ours had originally built and owned it, and we sent many fun times there visiting. The house was/is somewhat hidden like a fort among the tilted red rocks along Colorado's front range, and was quietly warm, sensible, and safe. I think of that when I read of the family's disaster.
That house must have seemed a refuge from the city and it's troubles, and I can easily imagine how impossible it would be to imagine an earthquake shaking it to its core - but it did. There is no perfect escape from travails, is there?
That house must have seemed a refuge from the city and it's troubles, and I can easily imagine how impossible it would be to imagine an earthquake shaking it to its core - but it did. There is no perfect escape from travails, is there?
14
The trauma and the shock, the sorrow of it all, where a mother loves her son who is going through 'The Rebellious Years', and one might be tempted as the most caring of parents to pick up the adolescent and slam him across the room.
'He doesn't tell me anything' from my friend of many years in speaking of her son soon to be thirty. 'He is not supposed to', I reply wryly, while he is my godson and only friend that I follow on Facebook. 'But the next time he mentions that money doesn't mean anything, tell him to go out and look for a room of his own'.
What if I were to tell Sue Klebold that all of us in the end are casualties when these tragedies occur and that I was more concerned to hear of the suffering that she went through after the loss of her son? I hope for the sake of the courage it has taken her to write this story of a mother's love that the readership public will be compassionate and understanding.
It is far easier to fling stones at people and join a mob than take a moment to pause and forgive the young Dylans of this world, while keeping in mind they are looking for guidance, independently from their family members, and there are no easy answers from Heaven.
'He doesn't tell me anything' from my friend of many years in speaking of her son soon to be thirty. 'He is not supposed to', I reply wryly, while he is my godson and only friend that I follow on Facebook. 'But the next time he mentions that money doesn't mean anything, tell him to go out and look for a room of his own'.
What if I were to tell Sue Klebold that all of us in the end are casualties when these tragedies occur and that I was more concerned to hear of the suffering that she went through after the loss of her son? I hope for the sake of the courage it has taken her to write this story of a mother's love that the readership public will be compassionate and understanding.
It is far easier to fling stones at people and join a mob than take a moment to pause and forgive the young Dylans of this world, while keeping in mind they are looking for guidance, independently from their family members, and there are no easy answers from Heaven.
8
I have been confounded through most of my parenting life.
Doing what I thought was best or right at the time, I still feel like it is sheer luck our child turned into a somewhat normal adult, and a good person.
Many people I know did the same things I did, with different results.
Doing what I thought was best or right at the time, I still feel like it is sheer luck our child turned into a somewhat normal adult, and a good person.
Many people I know did the same things I did, with different results.
32
I have not read the book, but I also believe that knowing the outcome it's all too easy to look back and say "Here's a sign I missed" or "That's where I should've done something". I am certain that we can find many a parent who have seen similar "signs" like she and their child went on to have a happy, crime free life.
Reinvesting the past with meaning is something we all do and all too frequently it lays much blame or control at our feet which we never actually had.
My heart goes out to her and all the families who had members do such unspeakable things. Society and they lay the burden of their family members actions on them all too often so unfairly. Everyone mourns for the dead/harmed but nobody of the other victims -- the family.
I hope she and her husband find some peace.
Reinvesting the past with meaning is something we all do and all too frequently it lays much blame or control at our feet which we never actually had.
My heart goes out to her and all the families who had members do such unspeakable things. Society and they lay the burden of their family members actions on them all too often so unfairly. Everyone mourns for the dead/harmed but nobody of the other victims -- the family.
I hope she and her husband find some peace.
18
The pain and courage it must have taken to write this book is hard to conceive. It always amazes me, the human ability to tap the depths of despair or courage, and yet survive, no less contribute to us all in an attempt to benefit our own view of being human, tolerant, and sympathetic, or even more generous, to survive some incomprehensible fate of our own.
Can I read 'A Mother's Reckoning,' and survive even that much exposure to the grief and loss of others? Not sure. Even the comments left here by are moving, and heartfelt. Thank you all.
Just sign me, one human to other humans of us, all just trying to do our best at getting on down the road...
Can I read 'A Mother's Reckoning,' and survive even that much exposure to the grief and loss of others? Not sure. Even the comments left here by are moving, and heartfelt. Thank you all.
Just sign me, one human to other humans of us, all just trying to do our best at getting on down the road...
12
These troubled boys would not have been able to cause these atrocities without easy access to guns.
30
After an eye opening revelation from reading the Book, " Hostage to The Devil " written by Vatican exorcist Fr. Malachi Martin, I am inclined to say to this poor woman that what was beyond her control was the very real possibility of demonic possession. One giveaway is the desire for suicide, a signature of evil often referred to as the 8th commandment of satan. Understanding evil is almost lost, even on the Catholic Clergy who for years was practically forbidden to even bring up the subject. Evil is real, it is a massive threat, and it enters one subtle yet powerful force. If the family went to church would matter little. the Book 'Hostage To The Devil examines the exorcism of a Catholic Priest by another Priest that Himself had to be rid of the demonic. We now live in far more dangerous world because we have moved away from God who is our only defense. Evil's goal is always death, that is why the culture of death is such a problem for us all. Evil loves abortion, and suicide, and euthanasia, and everything that leads to death. Life is God, goodness is His domain. When one is focused on death, and the things that are closely associated with death, evil is close by, if not directly involved. Meet the enemy of man, read Malachi Martin's book, " Hostage To The Devil". The priest died in 1999. May God have Mercy on all the victims of evil.
1
Ed, you well know that the church does not teach suicide is a sin, nor that suicide indicates a person is possessed. And it certainly does not teach about "commandments of Satan."
In the past suicides were not discussed and were hidden by Catholics and others alike. Some priests would not give suicide victims Catholic funerals or did so without acknowledging the manner of death. You know that is no longer true. And, Ed, you know the church teaches about a loving God. There is evil in the world; we can do wrong. But our wrongs are not products of demonic possession. We may make poor choices. AND the church certainly recognizes the reality of mental illness, domestic abuse, addiction. Any priest, nun or other minister worth their salt is not going to pawn things off to demonic possession. The church itself has failed miserably in removing evil from its own ranks. Abusive priests were not possessed, they were and are criminals. In fact, this nonsense about possession can be used to exonerate oneself from responsibility, I.e. "the devil made me do it."
Instead of reading "Hostage to the Devil," you should read the encyclicals of John XXIII, the life of Francis Assissi or Gandhi or Martin Luther King. The families of the victims and of the perpetrators of this and other tragedies will probably not be comforted by the conjecture that tragedy could have been prevented by exorcism. That idea absolves us from any obligation to love and respect ourselves and others.
In the past suicides were not discussed and were hidden by Catholics and others alike. Some priests would not give suicide victims Catholic funerals or did so without acknowledging the manner of death. You know that is no longer true. And, Ed, you know the church teaches about a loving God. There is evil in the world; we can do wrong. But our wrongs are not products of demonic possession. We may make poor choices. AND the church certainly recognizes the reality of mental illness, domestic abuse, addiction. Any priest, nun or other minister worth their salt is not going to pawn things off to demonic possession. The church itself has failed miserably in removing evil from its own ranks. Abusive priests were not possessed, they were and are criminals. In fact, this nonsense about possession can be used to exonerate oneself from responsibility, I.e. "the devil made me do it."
Instead of reading "Hostage to the Devil," you should read the encyclicals of John XXIII, the life of Francis Assissi or Gandhi or Martin Luther King. The families of the victims and of the perpetrators of this and other tragedies will probably not be comforted by the conjecture that tragedy could have been prevented by exorcism. That idea absolves us from any obligation to love and respect ourselves and others.
6
Your religious spin makes no sense. Klebold was a psychopath. Period.
3
I am a bit tired of many of the comments throughout about mental illness. The vast majority of people with mental illnesses are nonviolent and people like Dylan Klebold help perpetuate the stigma against those of us who struggle daily. Mental illness is both a blessing and a curse. We are not monsters. We are people who battle a serious condition that can adversely affect every aspect of your life. Nevertheless, it is important to remember some of the greatest people in history battled mental illness: Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, Michelangelo, Beethoven, etc. Dylan Klebold is a classic example of being overprivileged and having parents in denial about the possibility their Upper Middle-Class world isn't so perfect. Had Klebold been black/Latino or poor, he would have been sent directly to jail for the earlier crime. Parents get a clue. If your child is acting out and it is a phase that lasts for more than several months/years get them help. The onset of most mental health issues is early adulthood. The sooner you hold them accountable for their behavior the easier it will be for them to accept their illness, seek treatment and succeed in life.
13
We are born with ten fingers. She used most of hers to point blame at herself. That should be acceptable.
11
How many of us parents took a parenting class? How many of us parents, after our children have become adults and trust us sufficiently to hear their confessions about their teenage escapades, learn what went on our children's lives that we had no inkling of? How many of us parents have our own confessions about our teenage escapades?
The same as
The same as
12
I saw the Diane Sawyer interview with Sue Klebold so I will not be purchasing her book. I saw and heard enough from the interview of this deeply wounded woman of a certain level of intact academic rigor and at one time high social standing, to realize that both she and her work-at-home husband had essentially tuned themselves out emotionally, psychologically from the hands-on parenting adolescents actually crave, despite what you hear from them, or learn in Psychology 340 class. The numerous warning signs. Hanging around the wrong 'friend'. Criminal complaints of hacking school computers. Stealing. Dark trench coats and too much free time unaccounted for. Bad, dark moods. Lack of empathy for others.
Yet, "Dad" was home. Every day. Appalling.
I wish Ms. Klebold nothing but mercy, but my sympathies for those tragic thirteen losses remains with- the victims.
Yet, "Dad" was home. Every day. Appalling.
I wish Ms. Klebold nothing but mercy, but my sympathies for those tragic thirteen losses remains with- the victims.
14
Sympathy with the victims and families. Empathy for her as a terrible mother. Consciousness for society to get real about guns, mental illness, and parenting and to stop living in denial about these big issues.
5
If you think that Dad OR Mom simply being at home is a cure-all for the teenage blues, you are very wrong. Good kids come from families with working parents, bad kids can come from families where BOTH parents stay at home. There are no guarantees.
Somehow, a lot of folks out there want desperately to blame the parents for the actions of two seriously mentally ill teenagers who were probably beyond all help or parenting. They were 17, not 7.
Hanging around with "wrong friends" or wearing black, hacking computers, trenchcoats, BAD MOODS -- are you kidding me? Do you KNOW any teenagers? Normal teens do all of those things, all of the time, and they do not go on to commit mass murder.
Somehow, a lot of folks out there want desperately to blame the parents for the actions of two seriously mentally ill teenagers who were probably beyond all help or parenting. They were 17, not 7.
Hanging around with "wrong friends" or wearing black, hacking computers, trenchcoats, BAD MOODS -- are you kidding me? Do you KNOW any teenagers? Normal teens do all of those things, all of the time, and they do not go on to commit mass murder.
2
Perhaps you should read the book. I have and I can tell you with certainty that you got the absolute wrong idea from what you saw in the interview. These parents were very much tuned in to Dylan and more attentive than 99% of parents are. Read the book.
1
Many years ago a wise senior wrote in my yearbook "You see what you wanna see and you hear what you wanna hear". I can't help but think Mrs. Klebold lived that motto every day with her son. No, I have not read her book, but I did see her interview with Diane Sawyer. I understand her sadness and grief. However she did not make a compelling case to me on how her, her husband and relatives missed so many clues that this kid was troubled. She seemed to stick her head in the sand at every opportunity. After the arrest, she said she reminded Dylan about the Ten Commandments - really?? Is that the best you could do? This kid is in and out the house every day after building bombs and shooting off rounds. I'm certain she washed his clothes (remember, "perfect family"), yet she never smelled gasoline or gunpowder. Really? Never wondered where he was spending all that time - really? He wasn't at the library and certainly didn't have a girlfriend. I also was frustrated to hear that she did not know where to put her energy now that she is coming out of her shell. What about lecturing to schools or PTA groups? What about leading the effort to keep guns out of classrooms and campus environments? What about joining with the Sandy Hook parents or Cho's parents? I'd like to see her involved in one of *those* causes, instead of promoting a book about how sad it is to think you have the perfect family and finding out it doesn't exist.
12
She may have found she's not welcome in those settings. It's hard to see the Sandy Hook parents wanting her to "join" them.
10
Given your response to her speaking out, it seems unlikely she would be willing to expose herself further.
2
From reading this review, this book doesn't seem all that revealing. What really is the point if all Mrs Kleybold has learned is the power of hindsight?
6
Where's the father? A snack and a chat about sports is it? He never asked about school? Classes? Girls?
A mother cannot ask herself what she could have done. Boys need fathers to place boundaries and this father did not.
A mother cannot ask herself what she could have done. Boys need fathers to place boundaries and this father did not.
11
Apparently you've never had a teen going through a "moody" or dark phase, where they "want to be alone!" and if you ask how their day was, they say "OK" and then slam the bedroom door.
And those are completely normal teenage kid, who go on to normal adult lives.
If you went to any child psychologist or shrink, and said "my 17 year old is moody -- wears black -- hangs around with another moody kid -- doesn't want to talk -- isn't friendly or social" ..... they'd tell you this is normal, don't angst over it and that your child will grow out of it. And 99.9999% of the time that is what happens.
And those are completely normal teenage kid, who go on to normal adult lives.
If you went to any child psychologist or shrink, and said "my 17 year old is moody -- wears black -- hangs around with another moody kid -- doesn't want to talk -- isn't friendly or social" ..... they'd tell you this is normal, don't angst over it and that your child will grow out of it. And 99.9999% of the time that is what happens.
2
Behold the wonders of counseling and coddling instead of jail time. Cause and effect?, I don't pretend to know, but obviously this kid "sailed" thru his counseling and graduated early. Emptying jails and otherwise coddling criminals feels good in a "coke and a smile' kind of way, but I will bet Sue Klebold wishes she had taken a slightly different, slightly harsher tack after her kid committed his first, but by no means last, crime.
6
Because we know that jail time doesn't produce hardened criminals? Surely you jest.
4
I do not empathize or accuse Sue Klebold for her son Dylan's horrific, unexcusable, cowardly crime. I question her just like the Dad of one of the victim's. But I guess, she is ambiguous about her own ambiguity. What, where and who can you blame?
I wouldn't buy this....She's just looking to capitalize on her story now that there have been so many mass shootings.
3
I'm sorry to be so blunt Diane, but that's as crazy an idea as the shooting was. Both examples of poor grasp of reality.
13
she s donating the money to charity
10
Shame on you.
2
people usually seem normal until you find out theyre not
friends and associates of ted bundy were dumbfounded when he was arrested for kidnapping, they simply could not believe this handsome, articulate, intelligent, personable man was capable of that
you never know whats inside a person unless they tell you
friends and associates of ted bundy were dumbfounded when he was arrested for kidnapping, they simply could not believe this handsome, articulate, intelligent, personable man was capable of that
you never know whats inside a person unless they tell you
23
I've noticed in an interview (NPR) that she is still prone to euphemism. "I didn't know that my son be able to hurt people," she said. The word is here: KILLED people, MURDER them. They are gone. Dead. I found that more revealing than anything else. Also, the newly found and often used excuse by citing "mental illness" is another item I found disturbing. Very few are actually mentally ill, considering the masses of shootings that happen daily. Again, she isn't capable of addressing things in all its brutal honesty that should be required I think if one writes a book "to help others".
8
She was asked directly about that in the article here, so it's no great insight. You might read her response.
9
Many people are not actually mentally ill? Is willful ignorance considered a mental illness?
She used the word "HARM" on national TV. She says her son was not a monster. Truly the woman seems very kind and incredibly un-insightful. I'd much rather donate $28.00 and bypass her book to a mental health charity of my choosing in memory of the victims her son murdered.
So, no mention of a MR. Klebold?
7
You might want to read the article which answers the riddle you pose.
7
20/20 said the Klebold's divorced after 30 years of marriage.
1
Wait? The book says she had a perfect marriage.
I'm very impressed with the comments submitted, I have two teenagers , and their both involved in school sports and other activities . Discussions abound over the ups and downs of winning , losing and the relationship's they have forged . Welcome to the 21st century ...........Things are going to be different
2
Not so far.
1
People in their teens are so fragile and the mind so complex that it is not fair to criticize most parents for their children's problems. Psychiatrists and psychologists are just in the beginning stages of understanding what hijacks the mind and still guess about how to treat those which go off half cocked. And it is extremely hard to get help from the government or even get appointments with professionals. Judge not, lest ye be judged
9
Even if you gave the Klebolds the benefit of the doubt on whether or not they knew their son was a ticking time bomb, the fact is if Dylan and Eric hadn't had access to stockpiles of guns -- MILITARY-style guns -- innocent lives would've been spared that awful day.
40
Exactly!
Any discussion of mental health etc. is totally off the mark.
Angry teens get in trouble, get expelled, fight, whatever. Sooner or later they grow up.
Other countries have angry, alienated teens. They don't have massive school shootings.
It's the gun that makes the difference.
Any discussion of mental health etc. is totally off the mark.
Angry teens get in trouble, get expelled, fight, whatever. Sooner or later they grow up.
Other countries have angry, alienated teens. They don't have massive school shootings.
It's the gun that makes the difference.
19
The guns and ammo were easily purchased by the adolescent shooters from stores in the community.
11
Give me break. Two teenage boys had an arsenal in one parents garage.None of these parents claims to know they were there? In a garage?Or where the money came from to buy those weapons or how they got them?
These parents and their children shattered the lives of all of our children who were in high school at the time.They became afraid.One of my children still talks about it today.
It is 10 PM. Do you know where your children are?
These parents and their children shattered the lives of all of our children who were in high school at the time.They became afraid.One of my children still talks about it today.
It is 10 PM. Do you know where your children are?
7
I must admit I don't regularly comb through all the items in my garage. My 16-year old is a good boy; but if he were keeping guns there, I confess I probably wouldn't know it.
10
"What could a parent have done to prevent this tragedy?"
Nothing.
Nothing.
18
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child." Shakespeare
9
Makes me think of that Robert Frost poem: "We make ourselves a place apart/ behind light words that tease and flout/but oh, the agitated heart/ till someone finds us truly out."
18
The very first paragraph begs the question- why were both of Dylan's parents still in bed when their seventeen year old son was heading off to school?
13
Spot on. Excellent observation for the larger picture. If she felt so strongly that he sounded very off, chase him out the door at the very least and, truthfully, it's not difficult to be up early with your teen. They WANT you around and you are able to get a bead on their mood and demeanor but more than anything you show them you are in this with them.
5
I don't know, Kathe. Do you have teens? High school starts pretty early in the morning. My 16-year old is out the door just after 7 a.m. I don't always get up and out of bed before he leaves, because my work schedule doesn't require me to be up so early. My wife is usually up with him, but not always. We think he's a responsible kid, and he knows how to get himself ready. He even makes himself a hot breakfast most mornings. If you trust your kid, you don't need to hover all the time.
9
It isn't a question of hovering, it is a question of being interested enough in your kid to be up when he or she is getting breakfast and going off to school. My stepson leaves for high school at 6:25 a.m. We are up with him well before that because he is far more important than some extra minutes of sleep at that point. Your presence alone reassures your child that you care about him/her and want him/her to have a good start to the day.
3
While there may be no way to forecast that a young person will turn into a killer just about all civilized countries other than ours cuts down on this carnage by making it difficult, if not impossible, for them to get their hands on guns.
16
Ms. Klebold will donate her profits from the book to research and to charitable foundations focusing on mental health issues.
9
We need to accept that no one truly knows anyone else.
Parents can be blind to their child's faults even when well meaning
relatives/teachers gently point them out.
If you cannot even begin to imagine that your child would go to school
with a gun and start mercilessly killing people - you are hardly going to
ask them at breakfast or while watching an old movie whether they are
harbouring such thoughts.
Part of being mentally ill is an inability to know just how ill you are.
Every person tries to make sense of their lives and it is very, very, very
difficult to say to yourself: Well most of my unhappiness is my own fault.
If you watch the Video Tapes of Dylan and Eric target shooting and
if you read what they wrote about their planned assault on Columbine and
if you read what they said to their victims before killing them and
if you remember that they committed suicide
you will understand why Mrs. Klebold could not have even begun
to imagine what Dylan was capable of.
Sadly the Therapists that Dylan and Eric went to see under Court Order
failed to see what the boys were really like and failed to reach them.
Had they not had the guns and had they not been allowed to associate
after their arrest, and thus encourage each other, perhaps this might not
have happened.
I would not want to be one of the parents of any of the children who died
and I would not want to be one of the parents of Eric or Dylan as the
suffering and guilt will never end.
Parents can be blind to their child's faults even when well meaning
relatives/teachers gently point them out.
If you cannot even begin to imagine that your child would go to school
with a gun and start mercilessly killing people - you are hardly going to
ask them at breakfast or while watching an old movie whether they are
harbouring such thoughts.
Part of being mentally ill is an inability to know just how ill you are.
Every person tries to make sense of their lives and it is very, very, very
difficult to say to yourself: Well most of my unhappiness is my own fault.
If you watch the Video Tapes of Dylan and Eric target shooting and
if you read what they wrote about their planned assault on Columbine and
if you read what they said to their victims before killing them and
if you remember that they committed suicide
you will understand why Mrs. Klebold could not have even begun
to imagine what Dylan was capable of.
Sadly the Therapists that Dylan and Eric went to see under Court Order
failed to see what the boys were really like and failed to reach them.
Had they not had the guns and had they not been allowed to associate
after their arrest, and thus encourage each other, perhaps this might not
have happened.
I would not want to be one of the parents of any of the children who died
and I would not want to be one of the parents of Eric or Dylan as the
suffering and guilt will never end.
18
Maybe parents could begin to imagine their child hurting, killing classmates after reading their son's paper about this. A teacher was concerned enough to contact them regarding their son's story Interesting that the parents knew it was about a fellow student killing a group of popular kids, but the parents never read it or even talked it over with their son, although specifically contacted regarding it's troublesome, foreboding content. That, I think, is a very unusual thing to ignore.
9
I am sorry, but the most crucial moment of parental responsibility comes before conception.
Plenty of kids "look normal." There's nothing in their health histories to indicate anything of concern. But brain wiring is incredibly complex, and miswiring and misfiring--impossible to detect with the technology we currently have--can lead to disorders of judgment and to profound mood imbalances.
There was a huge indignant outcry recently when the CDC urged all women of childbearing age to either use birth control or refrain from alcohol. Well, yes, sorry--but what you and your partner do, or don't do, before and at the moment of conception will profoundly affect not only your children, but those members of society they encounter throughout their life journey.
There is always a reason for what people do, there is always a cause. Is there a preventive? We need to ask more questions in order to discover the right answers.
Plenty of kids "look normal." There's nothing in their health histories to indicate anything of concern. But brain wiring is incredibly complex, and miswiring and misfiring--impossible to detect with the technology we currently have--can lead to disorders of judgment and to profound mood imbalances.
There was a huge indignant outcry recently when the CDC urged all women of childbearing age to either use birth control or refrain from alcohol. Well, yes, sorry--but what you and your partner do, or don't do, before and at the moment of conception will profoundly affect not only your children, but those members of society they encounter throughout their life journey.
There is always a reason for what people do, there is always a cause. Is there a preventive? We need to ask more questions in order to discover the right answers.
5
Although an excellent book review, the omission of the fact that all the proceeds of the book will be donated to mental health causes is a serious error--there will be many who will falsely accuse her of seeking to cash in on this tragedy through profits from the book.
34
There sure are--about 20 or 30 people on this comments page, among others.
2
Every once in a rare while I read a comment so insightful that I believe it is worth reposting -- even twice -- so that newer readers are more likely to have the opportunity to see it. The following comment was posted by Cathy from Hopewell Junction, NY. The attitude she describes runs broad and deep in the world of parenting.
"Something like Columbine happens and the rest of us really want the Klebolds to be at fault. We really want Sue Klebold to have been foolish, willingly blinded, unable to see what was right in front of her. If she is at fault, then all of us other parents can relax, because we are all doing the right things, and *our* kids are OK.
Admitting that we cannot know what others hide from us; that we are not all experts at spotting mental illness and distinguishing it from normal teenage sullens, means that our own beloved children might be the ones who shoot another, or jump in front of a train. None of us can handle that uncertainty.
We all want Sue Klebold to have been a horrible parent, an easy target to pin responsibility. Because none of us want to be Sue Klebold. I will do her the grace of reading her book, a penance for how much I want her to be the problem."
"Something like Columbine happens and the rest of us really want the Klebolds to be at fault. We really want Sue Klebold to have been foolish, willingly blinded, unable to see what was right in front of her. If she is at fault, then all of us other parents can relax, because we are all doing the right things, and *our* kids are OK.
Admitting that we cannot know what others hide from us; that we are not all experts at spotting mental illness and distinguishing it from normal teenage sullens, means that our own beloved children might be the ones who shoot another, or jump in front of a train. None of us can handle that uncertainty.
We all want Sue Klebold to have been a horrible parent, an easy target to pin responsibility. Because none of us want to be Sue Klebold. I will do her the grace of reading her book, a penance for how much I want her to be the problem."
36
It is a different world now from when Columbine first happened. Back then, I remembered the parents being villified, being sued, the parents of victims full of hate and blame. Now, years later, too many shootings later, we realize that it was never that black and white.
I was a teenager when Columbine happened, and even then, I felt pity for the parents of the killers. Because I knew how much I hid from my parents, used every bit of my intelligence, wile, and energy to hide things from them. They searched my room, they set strict schedules, they loved me, they spoke with me. But if they knew half of what I did, they would be shocked.
Teenagers have been considered independent young men and women throughout most of history and the world. It's a stage of life, and to think one can entirely control and influence a human during that stage is ridiculous.
I was a teenager when Columbine happened, and even then, I felt pity for the parents of the killers. Because I knew how much I hid from my parents, used every bit of my intelligence, wile, and energy to hide things from them. They searched my room, they set strict schedules, they loved me, they spoke with me. But if they knew half of what I did, they would be shocked.
Teenagers have been considered independent young men and women throughout most of history and the world. It's a stage of life, and to think one can entirely control and influence a human during that stage is ridiculous.
23
One thing that stood out to me in this article was that the Klebolds failed to read the paper written by their son which the teacher found so disturbing, until after his death. The paper detailed their son's intent, even to how he would be dressed. It also revealed a disturbed individual. Had they but read that paper, perhaps they would have sought help for their son.
13
They asked to see it -- he wouldn't show it to them, likely. And they were probably too afraid of provoking a "mood" to ask. Who hasn't been there with a teenager? Except my son wasn't scary, he was just sad.
9
When your child refuses to show you a paper he's written that a teacher found so disturbing that he contacted you, then take your child to a mental health professional for treatment. If you're afraid of your child's mood (sad, scary or whatever causes apprehension) then all the more reason to take him to a professional.
6
They *had* taken him to a mental health professional. It wasn't enough. It's not so simple as you and others would like it to be.
4
As a psychotherapist I know that it would not have mattered if Ms. Klebold or even a psychotherapist for Dylan had suspected that he might become homicidal or suicidal, because we don't have preventive detention in this society. People can only be committed to a psychiatric hospital if they are an immediate danger to themselves or others. People who are going to commit crimes tell lies. Medication doesn't necessarily prevent people from committing acts of violence. Perhaps psychological testing would have revealed Dylan's homicidal and suicidal tendencies but most health insurance companies won't pay for it. Maybe if everyone including the teachers, law enforcement and the parents had worked together they could have prevented the crimes, but maybe not.
29
Your judgment that "nothing could have been done" is self-defeating. It is also why more isn't done to prevent children and adults who are contemplating violence from carrying it out. There are a lot of things which could have been done, like warning the school, removing guns and explosives from the perpetrators' houses, and sending the boys to a facility until they were 18 where they received strict discipline and were locked into the facility at night. It may not have saved the boys, but it might have saved some of the people they killed.
Psychotherapists should not put their professional obligation to hold patients' statements private when their patients are planning to murder other people. Most of the recent mass killers have repeatedly seen psychotherapists, for example the Virginia Tech killer and James White, the theater killer in Colorado killer. But there has been no follow up by authorities. The therapist in Colorado had even alerted the local police, who did nothing. Therapists and police/college administrations need clear procedures how about how to deal with prospective killers in such circumstances - at least removing their access to weapons and access to school or campus.
Your profession cannot claim to treat murderers if it can do nothing to prevent them from carrying out murder. You should work with law enforcement to work out legal policies to protect innocent people as much as possible. Something could be done if there were a will to do it.
Psychotherapists should not put their professional obligation to hold patients' statements private when their patients are planning to murder other people. Most of the recent mass killers have repeatedly seen psychotherapists, for example the Virginia Tech killer and James White, the theater killer in Colorado killer. But there has been no follow up by authorities. The therapist in Colorado had even alerted the local police, who did nothing. Therapists and police/college administrations need clear procedures how about how to deal with prospective killers in such circumstances - at least removing their access to weapons and access to school or campus.
Your profession cannot claim to treat murderers if it can do nothing to prevent them from carrying out murder. You should work with law enforcement to work out legal policies to protect innocent people as much as possible. Something could be done if there were a will to do it.
4
Closing their access to guns would have helped.
What would they have done without guns - raged against the world, gotten into trouble, fights, expelled, whatever. They'd have grown up sooner or later.
Other countries have angry teens and they don't have school shootings.
What would they have done without guns - raged against the world, gotten into trouble, fights, expelled, whatever. They'd have grown up sooner or later.
Other countries have angry teens and they don't have school shootings.
11
A lot of self-righteous folks here seem to think that the parents of Dylan and Eric KNEW they had guns and ammo, and blithely ignored it. That is not true.
I am not sure how the two boys bought so much weaponry, but they surely kept it well-hidden. It isn't that hard to do, for a smart teenager. Remember they were well-educated 17 year olds! not little children. Often teenagers can out-think parents.
In my generation (70s), MANY of my friends did drugs and smoked cigarettes and drank liquor. (They almost all grew out of this, and went on to normal adult lives.) But it was absolutely NOT acceptable behavior back then, and their parents would have been HORRIFIED had they known -- and very strict punishments, grounding, etc. would have results. All of my friends knew this, so they hid their drugs and cigarettes very, very carefully. I can only think of one kid who got caught -- he left a bag of weed on the kitchen sink -- and honestly we all thought he really wanted to get caught. Nobody else was that stupid.
It really was NOT the case that Mrs. Klebold or the Harris's went out and BOUGHT their sons guns and ammo. They clearly didn't know the boys had guns or they could have called the police. The truth is that parents sometimes CANNOT know the hearts & minds of their children -- not where severe mental illness and sociopathic behaviors exist -- they don't have "super-powers" to know in advance what might or might not happen.
I am not sure how the two boys bought so much weaponry, but they surely kept it well-hidden. It isn't that hard to do, for a smart teenager. Remember they were well-educated 17 year olds! not little children. Often teenagers can out-think parents.
In my generation (70s), MANY of my friends did drugs and smoked cigarettes and drank liquor. (They almost all grew out of this, and went on to normal adult lives.) But it was absolutely NOT acceptable behavior back then, and their parents would have been HORRIFIED had they known -- and very strict punishments, grounding, etc. would have results. All of my friends knew this, so they hid their drugs and cigarettes very, very carefully. I can only think of one kid who got caught -- he left a bag of weed on the kitchen sink -- and honestly we all thought he really wanted to get caught. Nobody else was that stupid.
It really was NOT the case that Mrs. Klebold or the Harris's went out and BOUGHT their sons guns and ammo. They clearly didn't know the boys had guns or they could have called the police. The truth is that parents sometimes CANNOT know the hearts & minds of their children -- not where severe mental illness and sociopathic behaviors exist -- they don't have "super-powers" to know in advance what might or might not happen.
4
I won't bother with this book; instead I am reading Dave Cullen's Columbine. In it, I have already read that Klebold's father was able to guess quickly that his son was a shooter - this was during the rampage. They had thrown their other son out of the house for drugs; Dylan had already been convicted of a crime that was serious enough for the parents to be forewarned. Of course Adam Lanza's mom was in denial about her son too. If the justice system had given thee punks reformatory time, Columbine would have been avoided or at least delayed. I notice that most comments seem to come from parents who are afraid of their own children or believe they are capable of mayhem.
13
Based on what Dylan and Eric DID prior to the murders, if we had put them into reform school -- well, we'd better get busy building thousands and thousands of reform schools.
Because a heck of a lot of kids that age use drugs. Most play violent video games. Many wear black coats. Many are moody. Many draw violent cartoons or imagine violent thoughts (but do nothing).
SO many people here think they are the superior parents, or they could have second guessed this behavior -- all from the nice comfort of a computer in a faraway location. The truth is you cannot really predict behavior THIS extreme. And you cannot put people in jail based on what you THINK they MIGHT do.
Because a heck of a lot of kids that age use drugs. Most play violent video games. Many wear black coats. Many are moody. Many draw violent cartoons or imagine violent thoughts (but do nothing).
SO many people here think they are the superior parents, or they could have second guessed this behavior -- all from the nice comfort of a computer in a faraway location. The truth is you cannot really predict behavior THIS extreme. And you cannot put people in jail based on what you THINK they MIGHT do.
2
This situation better change for the better nurturing our kids. This reticence, skepticism, fear of invasion of child's privacy, fear and failure of taking executive action when the mental and physical health of the vulnerable child is questionable has grown to epidemic proportions resulting in tragedies like Columbine. Better safe than sorry is an old adage which has disappeared from parenting. A child is a child, who does'nt know any better. It is the parent who has closely watched the child's behavior, who has noticed small, indefinable inklings to a greater reality. The parent should have the right to take that executive action without fear and retribution from society for the welfare of the child. I agree there is always the lurking specter of child abuse. But as I see it is also child abuse when we don't protect our child from him/herself. This is negligence, an abuse by omission.
I therefore, do not know whether to be empathetic or accusatory of Sue Klebold because her son's actions resulted in an irreversible tragedy to his victims and the their loved ones left behind.
I therefore, do not know whether to be empathetic or accusatory of Sue Klebold because her son's actions resulted in an irreversible tragedy to his victims and the their loved ones left behind.
2
It is quite unclear what you are referring to by "executive action."
3
I had a secretary a few years ago who committed suicide a few months after I dismissed her. I was quite fond of her. I removed her from a project after a serious infraction; not her first. She reacted by angrily lashing-out over the next few months. It got so bad that I had transferred her to another section; but I eventually fired her.
All I saw was an intensification of her existing performance issues and inappropriate conduct. What I did not know was that she had disclosed to others that she had bought a firearm and told them how she was going to use it. I was unaware that she had sent suicide letters to friends and co-workers, one of whom later told me he was surprised she was "still alive in January".
I thought I knew her. I did not discover what a bitter, angry, resentful and disturbed a human being she had been. In retrospect I can see it; but at the time I never saw it as profound mental illness. I "normalized" her behavior. I liked her so I ignored the evidence that she was not what she appeared to be.
When someone is physically injured, we all accept the reality of it on face value. But not so when someone's brain is broken. Mental illness can be enormously difficult to see, even when it's monstrous.
All I saw was an intensification of her existing performance issues and inappropriate conduct. What I did not know was that she had disclosed to others that she had bought a firearm and told them how she was going to use it. I was unaware that she had sent suicide letters to friends and co-workers, one of whom later told me he was surprised she was "still alive in January".
I thought I knew her. I did not discover what a bitter, angry, resentful and disturbed a human being she had been. In retrospect I can see it; but at the time I never saw it as profound mental illness. I "normalized" her behavior. I liked her so I ignored the evidence that she was not what she appeared to be.
When someone is physically injured, we all accept the reality of it on face value. But not so when someone's brain is broken. Mental illness can be enormously difficult to see, even when it's monstrous.
38
I think people are too afraid of getting involved in what is not "their business." Parents worry about being over-controlling. If you see something, say something.
Suicide is the main killer of teenagers. If you see a child who is uncontrollably depressed or focused on violent images and isolated, tell a school counselor and ask her/him to call the child's parents. I did this at my children's high school because the teen other kids were trying to help was so terribly depressed over losing her boy friend that she could not stop crying - over a period of a week. She talked about not wanting to live. When I saw that this was not getting better, I called the school counselor because no one else was doing anything. I saw a difference between being upset and being out of control depressed where sympathy from friends was not helping. I told the counselor what I had seen and how worried I was about what I saw as the child's potential for suicide. Under California law, the counselor had to take action. When the parents learned how concerned another parent was about their daughter, it reinforced what they were seeing and they took their daughter to the emergency room where she was hospitalized for acute depression. She recovered and went on to finish high school, go to college, and have a good life. She got past a dangerous crisis because someone spoke up. Someone should have spoken up about Dylan Klebold, including his mother.
Suicide is the main killer of teenagers. If you see a child who is uncontrollably depressed or focused on violent images and isolated, tell a school counselor and ask her/him to call the child's parents. I did this at my children's high school because the teen other kids were trying to help was so terribly depressed over losing her boy friend that she could not stop crying - over a period of a week. She talked about not wanting to live. When I saw that this was not getting better, I called the school counselor because no one else was doing anything. I saw a difference between being upset and being out of control depressed where sympathy from friends was not helping. I told the counselor what I had seen and how worried I was about what I saw as the child's potential for suicide. Under California law, the counselor had to take action. When the parents learned how concerned another parent was about their daughter, it reinforced what they were seeing and they took their daughter to the emergency room where she was hospitalized for acute depression. She recovered and went on to finish high school, go to college, and have a good life. She got past a dangerous crisis because someone spoke up. Someone should have spoken up about Dylan Klebold, including his mother.
7
I think of my own adolescence in the early 1970s. I was gay and I smoked marijuana during my last two years of high school. My parents had no clue of either of these facts. I knew which things they expected from me--get good grades and come home at the right time--and I mostly did them. Adolescents learn to hide everything from their parents. They are also experts at manipulating these people they know better than anyone else. This is pretty universal. The lucky thing for almost all of us while adolescents is that we don't get caught while doing our worst and then we outgrow those worst impulses. And thankfully--but really it may still only be a matter of luck!--we don't act on the common teenage impulse to shoot up the peers and teachers we don't like.
23
flaminia,
You had me until your quite disturbing last sentence. The urge to "shoot up the peers and teachers we don't like" is not a "common teenage impulse".
You had me until your quite disturbing last sentence. The urge to "shoot up the peers and teachers we don't like" is not a "common teenage impulse".
1
$28 worth of understanding signifying nothing.
19
I suppose it's easier to think "it's just a phase" and considering your child might kill innocent people is a stretch beyond belief that I doubt any parent will consider. But you don't take the time to read a paper describing violence written by your son after being brought to your attention by his teacher? My son gets a C on his test and I review it with him at the least - to help him learn from it. You don't even bother reading a paper he wrote about committing violent acts? And he's a convicted criminal? "We asked and he didn't give it to us." Good grief! The lesson isn't dealing with mental illness, its with basic communication and understanding. But as always, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
16
I believe, in the review, that the paper you are referring to, wasn't even seen by the parents, i.e. they were not aware of its existence until after Columbine. That sure changes the premise of what you have written - apples and all.
4
Wrong. The teacher told them about the paper before the incident and they "asked" Dylan to show it to them.
Very passive parenting.
Very passive parenting.
2
All we can do is make sure teens have no access to guns. It ought to be easy.
41
It would be nice but not realistic. If we banned guns tomorrow, we'd still have to deal with the 300 million guns in circulation. We have as good a chance as we do keeping drugs out of their hands.
4
Yeah, CC -- and we need to keep drugs out of their hands. Nobody thinks teens should be doing drugs, do they? and liquor. Surely teens should NOT be drinking liquor. It's illegal. So is smoking. So is marijuana. So are lots of things!
But teenagers do all of those things. Because they are teenagers.
I'll bet you did a few of those things as a teenager too!
Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris were smart, well-educated kids. They could have found out how to make pipe bombs if they couldn't get guns. Or poison gas. Or poison in the cafeteria food or drinking fountains.
The problem is the murderous impulse, not the method.
But teenagers do all of those things. Because they are teenagers.
I'll bet you did a few of those things as a teenager too!
Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris were smart, well-educated kids. They could have found out how to make pipe bombs if they couldn't get guns. Or poison gas. Or poison in the cafeteria food or drinking fountains.
The problem is the murderous impulse, not the method.
1
A very dear friend of mine has an eight-year-old stepdaughter who poured Tea Tree oil into the saline solution in which my friend's contact lenses were soaking. The daughter did an immaculate job covering her steps; fortunately, the oil has a very strong smell which my friend detected before putting the lenses into her eyes, and she may well have been blinded if she had. The child eventually confessed; she is exceptionally smart with a range of interests, including biology, medicine, music and basketball. Since the oil incident she also confessed to stealing money from a classmate and is given to fits of extreme rage. She is sociable at school but has no friends that she sees on her own time.
So what should the parents do? The kid is smart and can talk and charm her way out of things, and the parents, despite struggling financially, are sending her to a Montessori school. She's one of the poorest kids there and is also mixed race, which puts her in a very small minority in this school.
I bring this up because there are no obvious answers. The child may be a potential criminal, or maybe her acting out now and understanding consequences is actually helping to nip the darker problems in the bud. I myself lost my parents at an early age and was somewhat amoral as a child and have done dishonest things as an adult, but even at my most callous and selfish never willfully hurt anyone physically and have always been horrified at the idea of doing so.
The human soul is a mystery.
So what should the parents do? The kid is smart and can talk and charm her way out of things, and the parents, despite struggling financially, are sending her to a Montessori school. She's one of the poorest kids there and is also mixed race, which puts her in a very small minority in this school.
I bring this up because there are no obvious answers. The child may be a potential criminal, or maybe her acting out now and understanding consequences is actually helping to nip the darker problems in the bud. I myself lost my parents at an early age and was somewhat amoral as a child and have done dishonest things as an adult, but even at my most callous and selfish never willfully hurt anyone physically and have always been horrified at the idea of doing so.
The human soul is a mystery.
57
"The kid is smart and can talk and charm her way out of things"
Ted Bundy was smart and could talk and charm his way out of things. Not saying she's the next Ted Bundy, but that certainly very disturbing behavior.
Ted Bundy was smart and could talk and charm his way out of things. Not saying she's the next Ted Bundy, but that certainly very disturbing behavior.
7
its not th soul, its th brain, and its detailed workings are probably forever unfathomable
4
Personality disorder. Very hard to treat. Sorry.
4
I read that Otto Frank said, after he first read his daughter Anne's diary, the he realized he didn't really know his daughter.
This statement really surprised me, as I recall how close Anne seemed to him in what she wrote in her diary about him and that they shared such a small, confined space during their many months in hiding.
This statement really surprised me, as I recall how close Anne seemed to him in what she wrote in her diary about him and that they shared such a small, confined space during their many months in hiding.
29
I read her diary and also heard accounts from her father about not knowing his daughter. In this particular case, how could you not know? She's aware she's Jewish and hated. On top of that she's prepubescent, thinking about how many boys like and don't like her AND ON TOP OF THAT she's trying to get her family to understand her. I know where she's coming from because I been there the only difference is I have Jesus. I overcame how I felt, don't care what you have to say about me because I will get over it. If I had an ego I truly wouldn't care but I would show you that I'm used to getting what I wanted because my mommy said so.
1
I think people who insist on blaming the parents of these murderers miss the point: no parent wakes up and says: "I better check to see if my son might be planning mass murder." It is the farthest thought in your brain when you look at your child. Who the heck looking at their boy thinks, "I'd better watch out he doesn't go full-on wacko and kill a bunch of people." It just doesn't REGISTER! No parent is psychic or a mind reader or a trained psychiatrist to know the signs of psychopathy or impending mass murder. Let the judgement go already! We only in hindsight now know this is a distinct possibility and now know to look for the signs.
The Kieblods and Harrises are torturing themselves for a lifetime, please be assured. They most likely will live shortened lives because of this crime from the stress of living with the guilt that they are the parents of mass murderers.
My only hope in this is that we all become less judgmental of people in one-of-a-kind, crime of the century cases such as this.
The Kieblods and Harrises are torturing themselves for a lifetime, please be assured. They most likely will live shortened lives because of this crime from the stress of living with the guilt that they are the parents of mass murderers.
My only hope in this is that we all become less judgmental of people in one-of-a-kind, crime of the century cases such as this.
42
Obiter dicta: "As the twig is bent, the tree is inclined." We really have to have that talk about Kevin, parents. The wunderkinder have far too much autonomy for their own good, and it shows.
8
I would hope that all the profits from this book are divided and given to the victims' families.
4
I'm sorry, but I can't agree. If it wasn't clear before reading about this book - and to me it was, through reading a lot of what has been written about Columbine, including especially Dave Cullen's excellent book - the parents of the two boys are not to blame for what their children did. They certainly don't deserve to be punished any further after more than 15 years of guilt and wrecked lives. Susan Klebold was as much a victim of her son's actions as anyone else, and she's clearly not writing this book out of some grasping profit motive. It sounds like she did a very difficult thing in writing this book, a thing she avoided doing for many years, and that she did now mainly or entirely because she decided that she owed the information she could offer to anyone, especially other parents, who might be able to learn from it. There's no reason at all to expect or demand that any proceeds - minor as they are likely to be - ought to be denied to her and funneled to the other families.
9
As noted elsewhere the author is donating 100% to non-profits that work on prevention.
7
Why did she write the book anyway. It is hard to write a book.
I am shocked at how little attention is paid to the stockpiling of weaponry by Klebold and Harris. Where did they store the guns? How did the parents not notice the presence of weapons? Did they teach the kids how to use the guns like in the Connecticut massacre? Wearing trench coats, acting goth, getting low grades, being surly-all is pretty normal in teens, whether deeply disturbed or just going through adolescence. But the obsession with guns is something else.
17
The weapons all were stockpiled at the Harris home, so - no, the Klebolds neither saw them nor encouraged their son to handle them.
1
I have not read the book, nor will I. Yet I willingly accept that the Klebolds did as much as any parents could be expected to do while bringing up their son.
The truth is there is something almost beyond the human experience in the Columbine shooting. The long planning and preparation by both these young men to kill friends, while also interacting easily with those same people right up to the act itself, chills one to the bone.
And, although a supporter of stronger gun regulations, particularly concerning vetting gun purchasers, I think that would not have helped here, After all, they were making pipe bombs. I think if they were kept from guns they would have used other weapons or methods.
I can only note the existence of evil. My heart goes out to all the families, including the Kebolds and Harris'.
The truth is there is something almost beyond the human experience in the Columbine shooting. The long planning and preparation by both these young men to kill friends, while also interacting easily with those same people right up to the act itself, chills one to the bone.
And, although a supporter of stronger gun regulations, particularly concerning vetting gun purchasers, I think that would not have helped here, After all, they were making pipe bombs. I think if they were kept from guns they would have used other weapons or methods.
I can only note the existence of evil. My heart goes out to all the families, including the Kebolds and Harris'.
20
Why, Brian, do you "willingly accept" that the Klebolds did as much as should be expected? That's the kind of ignorance that creates problems like these.
You haven't read the book, yet you assume to know that those parents did all they could? Really?
My wife and I watched the 20/20 interview between Diane Sawyer and Mrs. Klebold, and were SHOCKED to hear Mrs. Klebold confess that after having Columbine school authorities, counselors, and mental heath professionals reach out to her and her husband because of a very dark piece of writing Dylan presented in one of his classes that foretold of these murders, there was NO FOLLOWUP on behalf of Mr. and Mrs. Klebold. They, in fact, never cared enough to read that disturbing piece written by their son nor took a meeting at the school with those very concerned administrators at Columbine.
And you "willingly accept that they "did their all?" Another thing I cannot shake. Both Mr. and Mrs. Klebold, still ensconced in their bedroom the morning of the murders, only "heard" Dylan yell "Bye" on his way out the door to shoot children, and blow them up with bombs? My wife and I have never once not seen our children to the door prior to departure for school, this, after providing them a great breakfast, and discussion, and positive affirmations for the day that lay ahead. They only heard Dylan yell "Bye" from their bedroom that morning as he exited their home on his way to annihilate fellow students? They did their all?
You haven't read the book, yet you assume to know that those parents did all they could? Really?
My wife and I watched the 20/20 interview between Diane Sawyer and Mrs. Klebold, and were SHOCKED to hear Mrs. Klebold confess that after having Columbine school authorities, counselors, and mental heath professionals reach out to her and her husband because of a very dark piece of writing Dylan presented in one of his classes that foretold of these murders, there was NO FOLLOWUP on behalf of Mr. and Mrs. Klebold. They, in fact, never cared enough to read that disturbing piece written by their son nor took a meeting at the school with those very concerned administrators at Columbine.
And you "willingly accept that they "did their all?" Another thing I cannot shake. Both Mr. and Mrs. Klebold, still ensconced in their bedroom the morning of the murders, only "heard" Dylan yell "Bye" on his way out the door to shoot children, and blow them up with bombs? My wife and I have never once not seen our children to the door prior to departure for school, this, after providing them a great breakfast, and discussion, and positive affirmations for the day that lay ahead. They only heard Dylan yell "Bye" from their bedroom that morning as he exited their home on his way to annihilate fellow students? They did their all?
7
Point to note: none of the pipe bombs worked. The guns did.
If they didn't have access to guns and only tossed the pipe bombs, they may have injured a few students, gotten arrested, and - who knows - maybe rehabilitated. Or in jail even now - who knows and who cares.
Point is - they had access to guns and that made the difference.
If they didn't have access to guns and only tossed the pipe bombs, they may have injured a few students, gotten arrested, and - who knows - maybe rehabilitated. Or in jail even now - who knows and who cares.
Point is - they had access to guns and that made the difference.
10
And btw, they did not hurt other children, they killed and murdered
other classmates.
other classmates.
1
Does Ms. Klebold present her opinion on whether limiting access to the high powered weapons these children used to kill their classmates might be a way to reduce similar tragedies?
7
I was horribly depressed as a teenager, and though my family saw it, they also chose not to see it. If they ventured to say something, I shot them down or pushed them away and they were inclined to take me at my word. Now that I'm about to become a parent myself, I can see how much hope a parent must have that their child isn't concealing their suffering from them.
I can understand how Ms. Klebold missed the warning signs. How many parents could fathom that their child would act in such a way? Even when we have confidence in our child's mental health and enjoy a good relationship with them, we can still underestimate their inner life. Though I am wary of making a parallel of someone who did something so great with someone who did something so horrible, it makes me think of what Otto Frank said about his child, Anne:
“It was quite a different Anne [than] I had known as my daughter. She never really showed this kind of inner feeling. She talked about many things, we criticized many things, but what really her feelings were, I only could see from the diary.
“And my conclusion is, as I had been in very, very good terms with Anne, that most parents don’t know, really, their children.”
I can understand how Ms. Klebold missed the warning signs. How many parents could fathom that their child would act in such a way? Even when we have confidence in our child's mental health and enjoy a good relationship with them, we can still underestimate their inner life. Though I am wary of making a parallel of someone who did something so great with someone who did something so horrible, it makes me think of what Otto Frank said about his child, Anne:
“It was quite a different Anne [than] I had known as my daughter. She never really showed this kind of inner feeling. She talked about many things, we criticized many things, but what really her feelings were, I only could see from the diary.
“And my conclusion is, as I had been in very, very good terms with Anne, that most parents don’t know, really, their children.”
34
I saw the Diane Sawyer interview with Sue Klebold the other night on ABC's 20/20 and was very impressed with her. What a horrific tragedy to face and deal with. Like many people, when we hear about these mass murders caused by young kids , I immediately wonder about their parents. She is very brave to put herself out there, to examine with unclouded eyes her son, herself, and struggle with acceptance. Its a horrible burden to carry.
I have no idea if the parents of other mass murderers choose to meet their fate with such unflagging and heart wrenching honesty as Mrs Klebold but I know after seeing her explain her struggles I will hold back from the immediate knee-jerk of condemning the parents after these horrible events without knowing their specific situations.
I have no idea if the parents of other mass murderers choose to meet their fate with such unflagging and heart wrenching honesty as Mrs Klebold but I know after seeing her explain her struggles I will hold back from the immediate knee-jerk of condemning the parents after these horrible events without knowing their specific situations.
21
Nowadays it is concievable that a parent of an angry sullen adolescent would think of gun violence in connection to thir child's behavior.
The Columbine tragedy was a shocking unthinkable act. These kind of mass shootings have become so common that perhaps parents today would have that possibility in the back of their minds in worrying about a child who was struggling....why would this mother even come up with something so horrible?It was in an entirely new category of dreadful crimes.
The Columbine tragedy was a shocking unthinkable act. These kind of mass shootings have become so common that perhaps parents today would have that possibility in the back of their minds in worrying about a child who was struggling....why would this mother even come up with something so horrible?It was in an entirely new category of dreadful crimes.
11
To fault Sue Klebold is like blaming Hitler's mom for the man he became. Hitler was certainly regarded as "odd" as a child, and to his fellow soldiers in WWI, but was also bright, conspicuously brave (he earned an Iron Cross) and very patriotic. Always in the front lines, he was temporarily blinded by mustard gas near the war's end. He could just have easily been killed, like millions of other soldiers on both sides were. But he wasn't.
And thereby hangs the tale. Predicting the course of anyone's life, and the choices each makes a hundred times a day, is like trying to predict which chess piece White will move on the 20th turn. Very few of us can claim to have grown up in a "perfect" household, but hardly anyone shoots children on purpose, no matter how bad their upbringing.There is, as yet, no simple cause-and-effect to adequately explain why some people choose to shoot other people.
And thereby hangs the tale. Predicting the course of anyone's life, and the choices each makes a hundred times a day, is like trying to predict which chess piece White will move on the 20th turn. Very few of us can claim to have grown up in a "perfect" household, but hardly anyone shoots children on purpose, no matter how bad their upbringing.There is, as yet, no simple cause-and-effect to adequately explain why some people choose to shoot other people.
24
Just yesterday there was a headline in the newspaper of my Australian city: "Student goes on rampage". The story told of a 17-year-old boy since believed to be suffering mental illness who chased students and smashed rooms sending the school into lockdown with terrified students hiding in their classrooms.
What happened next is the difference between the US and Australia's gun laws. This disturbed student was armed only with a large piece of wood. He had next to no possibility of obtaining a gun in Australia, fortunately. Police attended. The student was arrested and taken for a mental health evaluation. No one was killed. NO ONE WAS KILLED.
The alienation and mental health issues experienced by Dylan Klebold is not unusual for young adults, sadly. What frequently turns these teen breakdowns into mass killings at schools in the US is the easy access to guns.
I have no doubt Sue Klebold has suffered greatly because of her son's crimes and would not judge her parenting. I would, however, judge her profiting from her son's horrific murder spree and hope that every cent made from the sale of that book goes to either the victims' families, mental health charities or organisations that assist victims of crime. If not, shame on her.
What happened next is the difference between the US and Australia's gun laws. This disturbed student was armed only with a large piece of wood. He had next to no possibility of obtaining a gun in Australia, fortunately. Police attended. The student was arrested and taken for a mental health evaluation. No one was killed. NO ONE WAS KILLED.
The alienation and mental health issues experienced by Dylan Klebold is not unusual for young adults, sadly. What frequently turns these teen breakdowns into mass killings at schools in the US is the easy access to guns.
I have no doubt Sue Klebold has suffered greatly because of her son's crimes and would not judge her parenting. I would, however, judge her profiting from her son's horrific murder spree and hope that every cent made from the sale of that book goes to either the victims' families, mental health charities or organisations that assist victims of crime. If not, shame on her.
31
I apologise to Sue Klebold as I have just read elsewhere that she is donating the proceeds of this book to mental health charities. Why hasn't the NYT reported this very important fact? I hope the article will be amended to inform readers who might otherwise understandably question her motives for penning this memoir.
11
According to her, all the proceeds from the book are going to mental health agencies. She is not earning anything from the sale of the books.
6
The only time I have a problem with someone blaming the parents is when it's family or when the father blames the mother. So the mother was doting and loving attentive to the child that's fine. But don't reward bad behavior ir turn a blind eye and expect law enforcement take care of your child. I believe he was spoiled rotten to the core. Not all young adults expect too much from society but apparently this young man did especially from a fellow student.
8
The killers' guns and ammunition were stored in their houses or garages according to news reports following the murders. The parents didn't monitor what their kid was doing and didn't pay much attention to what was going on in their lives. Mrs. Klebold didn't read the paper her son wrote which alarmed his teacher so much that she asked his parents to read it. That was inexcusable, especially since he was obviously and always acting so "Goth." The Klebolds just were not involved with their son. Most mass killers have many warning signs. A dispassionate writer with no parental connection may someday tell the true, helpful story of Dylan Klebold, but it will not be his mother.
Mrs. Klebold refuses to take responsibility for her own actions or lack of action. Her whole book is self-serving, despite her remarks to the contrary about her pain. Many cancer victims chose not to take radiation. Why is her cancer even relevant? Because she seeks sympathy, absolution for her sins of omission or commission.
Mrs. Klebold refuses to take responsibility for her own actions or lack of action. Her whole book is self-serving, despite her remarks to the contrary about her pain. Many cancer victims chose not to take radiation. Why is her cancer even relevant? Because she seeks sympathy, absolution for her sins of omission or commission.
4
Regrettably parents are left to explain the inexplicable when a "normal looking" adolescent child does something so heinous and unexpected. It does not sound like your son had a bad life growing up, nor parents that neglected him. All too often, signs of anti-social behavior are buried deep within the consciousness of adolescents and adults, and no amount of retrospection can lift the veil of isolation. He could have simply been a follower of his dominant "friend" if in fact he surrendered his conscience to him.
6
I think it's strange that, on the one hand, Ms. Klebold insists she could not have known what her son was capable of; and on the other hand, justifies her reason for writing the book to provide insight so that other parents might heed warning signs differently than she did.
Many commenters are of the opinion that it was impossible for Ms. Klebold to know, or for any parent to know that such darkness lurks in their children. I certainly believe that it is quite difficult, but impossible? If it's impossible, does that mean that it's just dumb luck that children don't become mass murders? For those parents that insist that they could not possibly know what their children are capable of; why should you be granted the authority of being a parent if you insist you can't be responsible for something like this?
Also, given the fact that recently someone told Tamir Rice's mother that she shouldn't have let her son play with a toy gun, I seriously doubt there would be this much sympathy for Ms. Klebold if she looked different, and if her family didn't appear to be the "model" American family.
Many commenters are of the opinion that it was impossible for Ms. Klebold to know, or for any parent to know that such darkness lurks in their children. I certainly believe that it is quite difficult, but impossible? If it's impossible, does that mean that it's just dumb luck that children don't become mass murders? For those parents that insist that they could not possibly know what their children are capable of; why should you be granted the authority of being a parent if you insist you can't be responsible for something like this?
Also, given the fact that recently someone told Tamir Rice's mother that she shouldn't have let her son play with a toy gun, I seriously doubt there would be this much sympathy for Ms. Klebold if she looked different, and if her family didn't appear to be the "model" American family.
17
Poor woman. How many of us can truly say "there but for the grace of God go I". The problem is simply this: too many guns/ammunition readily available. These kids should never have been able to have dangerous weapons like the AR-57's and other automatic guns. The fact that they could just ask a slightly older "friend" to purchase these guns at a "gun show" and she did is insane! This is the problem!!!
Unfortunately no one in this country wants to own up to that. At least not the NRA. Poor President Obama when he issued the executive order for better background checks and waiting times when applying to purchase weapons; he was again crucified by the Republican naysaying nabobs!
Unfortunately no one in this country wants to own up to that. At least not the NRA. Poor President Obama when he issued the executive order for better background checks and waiting times when applying to purchase weapons; he was again crucified by the Republican naysaying nabobs!
36
The Klebold case is VERY confusing, since it never fit a pattern. Intact family, no drug/alcohol abuse, family didn't own guns, little previous history of criminal activity (except petty theft).
Perhaps the only two items that fit the serial killer template was a fascination with being a (pretend) victim of bullying and a history of mental illness on his mother's side.
Weird.
Perhaps the only two items that fit the serial killer template was a fascination with being a (pretend) victim of bullying and a history of mental illness on his mother's side.
Weird.
10
I read comments to view opinions of others and I usually don't comment myself. Everyone is entitled for their own opinions whether that be negative or positive. But I see so many people point the finger to parents. Yes, some parents are a reason for the way their kids turn out at times; say a child grows up in an abusive household they may turn out to have domestic violence relationships in adulthood. However I don't feel that every parent truly knows what is going on with their child yes we can sit at the dinner table and make small talk with a smile on our face but that may not be the reality. Teens especially are good at hiding feelings or things going on in their lives. You can't blame someone for something you don't know or for something you haven't experienced. Yes maybe she didn't need to write a book for some sort of profit or whatever it is going towards but everything is about publicity now a days and everyone wants to catch a scoop on a story so she is sharing hers. Many respect and regards to those who have lost their loved ones to a senseless act. As the times are changing in this world more and more things are becoming senseless unfortunately.
I don't doubt that there will always, ALWAYS be people, young people, especially, harboring suicidal thoughts and the impulse to do grave harm to others. It is a dark corner of the human condition that we can never fully eliminate. Nor will we ever be perfect in identifying the signs of this condition taking root in someone. But we could do something about access to such deadly weapons. And every other industrialized nation does just that. We chose not to. This is the most important lesson to learn from these tragedies.
9
Parents who insist their children's problems have nothing to do with how they were raised are kidding themselves, as everyone else saw the troubled behavior the parents refused to address from the time the child was small.
Go to any Sunday brunch and watch two year olds run around wildly, screaming and knocking into other patrons, while their parents ignore them or tell them, ever so gently, that they might have a (useless) time out later.
It is all over by the time the child is three. They either respect and listen to their parents or the nightmare continues and the rest of society can only hope the child does not grow up into a violent sociopath.
Children listen to their parents for only one reason - because they are afraid of them. While being terrified is obviously harmful, a healthy fear of a person larger than you is a good thing to learn young.
It should take only a stern look from a parent to get a child to behave, but since anything but the mildest plea from a parent ("Byron, if you don't stop slapping Daddy soon, you will have a time out") is considered child abuse, I am not overly optimistic.
Add to the abdication of the most basic parental role - teaching children how to control their emotions - the fact that millions of boys, rich and poor, grow up without a strong male role model. Fathers are either absent or completely emasculated and society wonders why so many boys are out of control.
Children are not your BFFs. They are little animals.
Flame on...
Go to any Sunday brunch and watch two year olds run around wildly, screaming and knocking into other patrons, while their parents ignore them or tell them, ever so gently, that they might have a (useless) time out later.
It is all over by the time the child is three. They either respect and listen to their parents or the nightmare continues and the rest of society can only hope the child does not grow up into a violent sociopath.
Children listen to their parents for only one reason - because they are afraid of them. While being terrified is obviously harmful, a healthy fear of a person larger than you is a good thing to learn young.
It should take only a stern look from a parent to get a child to behave, but since anything but the mildest plea from a parent ("Byron, if you don't stop slapping Daddy soon, you will have a time out") is considered child abuse, I am not overly optimistic.
Add to the abdication of the most basic parental role - teaching children how to control their emotions - the fact that millions of boys, rich and poor, grow up without a strong male role model. Fathers are either absent or completely emasculated and society wonders why so many boys are out of control.
Children are not your BFFs. They are little animals.
Flame on...
17
Agreed. A healthy fear of authority is what most of these savages lack and hence, society suffers. The rest of us live in a state of fear that our loved ones are in the tbeatre, class or church the day these devils "go off". Nice work mom and dad.
3
Why should anyone flame you? No one takes seriously opinions of someone cowering behind a pseudonym.
2
I will let the others flame. I'm only sorry that you have this world view.
6
As the mother of two sons, now in their early sixties, and also a retired clinical psychologist, I can only say to Ms. Klebold that your family was much closer than mine was when my sons were teens. And thinking about it carefully, I don't think I or their father had much responsibility for that. They were close to their peers and into themselves, which i see as pretty much the norm from the 60's on. It is tragic what your son and your family suffered in the way you have. If ever I have seen a tragedy imposed on a boy through aberrant genes and on his family by living in a society that worships guns and death , murder, suicide and every cruelty-- even today in the act of love, it is yours. God bless you and help you see clearly where the blame for this horror lies.
18
A large number of the comments are incorrectly assuming that she is keeping the proceeds from publication. The article should be updated to note that the author is donating them to mental health charities.
31
Thank you for pointing this out, Chris. I made one of those comments. If Ms Klebold is indeed not profiting from this book and is giving the proceeds to charity, it is a glaring omission to leave that important fact out of this article. I hope the NYT will correct this.
4
Even if she did think he was capable of this kind of violence, even if she did foresee something like this, what could she really have done? That's the real, glaring problem that this country needs to confront. Even when someone recognizes the danger, there is very little you can really do to stop someone, especially an adult, from obtaining a gun - or a whole arsenal for that matter - and shooting whoever they please.
18
Parents who love their children rarely recognize when moodiness crosses over into pathology. Teenage boys are moody. Seniors face the prospect of leaving home, the pressure of SAT's, college applications, essays, the list goes on. We parents walk a tightrope doing our best to guide them without crossing the line into their personal space. If these boys have friends, do well in school, we make the assumption everything will smooth out, but every once in a while we're wrong. This mom must not blame herself. Had she seen it coming, she would have done everything to save her child, not to mention all those who died. In all things, in life we have to be lucky, but sometimes we're not.
20
Well, explains all the morning TV specials with her. From the excerpts I read, the "poor misunderstood white kids with all the benefits" are more likely to engage in mass shootings than those who come from working class families. Makes you wonder about all the extracurricular activities instead of being in stabile, non glory seeking households.
As for those who say we cannot foresee these atrocities, why are they popping up more and more? Media coverage, or a break down in parental involvement? Take the I phones, the I pad, the social media away and insist your children relate to people as human beings, and not a You Tube video.
As for those who say we cannot foresee these atrocities, why are they popping up more and more? Media coverage, or a break down in parental involvement? Take the I phones, the I pad, the social media away and insist your children relate to people as human beings, and not a You Tube video.
5
Let me guess. You're not a parent, right?
6
You can't blame this crime on iPhones, IPads or YouTube. Nothing like that existed in 1999.
9
Diane Sawyer's interview provided insight. The author appeared naive with scant insight.
The kid had a criminal record. He was stockpiling weapons under their noses. He was walking around in a black trench coat. He received bad grades. Yet the parents kept maintaining their household like things were hunky dory.
There is something to be said for close parental supervision to encourage good grades, reading, manners, and extracurriculars like sports or band or the student newspaper. Everyone does not have to be a straight-arrow, but you have to be interested in something, such as playing the electric guitar.
Growing up is hard. Not everybody has to be an Ivy League student. But everyone has to try to grow up and achieve some level of competence, in general and in your chosen field. What I see is a family of middle-class hubris, indolence, and not paying attention.
In addition, let's face it: boys are different than girls. When have these mass killers been girls? Sometimes when the sap rises you need the physical presence and potentiality of a father figure to set a young boy straight.
That's the way it has been in indigenous societies of all continents. And that's the way it is in post-industrial American. A strong male most often has to let a boy know it's time to grow up. He was a sociopath and an existentialist unawares left to his own devices. This abject story is bereft of ritual, and that's telling.
The kid had a criminal record. He was stockpiling weapons under their noses. He was walking around in a black trench coat. He received bad grades. Yet the parents kept maintaining their household like things were hunky dory.
There is something to be said for close parental supervision to encourage good grades, reading, manners, and extracurriculars like sports or band or the student newspaper. Everyone does not have to be a straight-arrow, but you have to be interested in something, such as playing the electric guitar.
Growing up is hard. Not everybody has to be an Ivy League student. But everyone has to try to grow up and achieve some level of competence, in general and in your chosen field. What I see is a family of middle-class hubris, indolence, and not paying attention.
In addition, let's face it: boys are different than girls. When have these mass killers been girls? Sometimes when the sap rises you need the physical presence and potentiality of a father figure to set a young boy straight.
That's the way it has been in indigenous societies of all continents. And that's the way it is in post-industrial American. A strong male most often has to let a boy know it's time to grow up. He was a sociopath and an existentialist unawares left to his own devices. This abject story is bereft of ritual, and that's telling.
18
Agreed. You reap what you sow folks. It's not a mystery. Time to get honest!
4
Hindsight is 20/20.
5
I double checked that accusation (that the Klebolds were blithely ignoring piles of guns and bullets) and it is NOT TRUE -- the weapons were all hidden at the Harris household. Even so, I am not sure you can really expect parents to tear up their homes on a regular basis, on the off chance they MIGHT find guns or ammo laying around.
The "criminal record" was not violence, but breaking into a van and Dylan was grounded, punished, sent to a therapist for this. It is not true that his parents ignored it. Exactly how harsh should the punishment BE for such a crime? jail? reform school? ankle monitor? WHAT?
Are you going to pre-emptively lock up every kid in a black coat? Every kid with bad grades? Every sulking, brooding teenage boy? You'd better be building 10,000 reform schools, in that case.
The "criminal record" was not violence, but breaking into a van and Dylan was grounded, punished, sent to a therapist for this. It is not true that his parents ignored it. Exactly how harsh should the punishment BE for such a crime? jail? reform school? ankle monitor? WHAT?
Are you going to pre-emptively lock up every kid in a black coat? Every kid with bad grades? Every sulking, brooding teenage boy? You'd better be building 10,000 reform schools, in that case.
1
Years ago I taught a music class of elementary school children and we did puppet plays mostly from their stories. Everyone pitched in to advance the plot. In light of this story I wonder how often a loner felt peer support and indirect concern and love,and was somehow helped to keep going.
5
Think of all the grown men convicted of crimes against children -- including the possession of child abuse images -- and how many elderly mothers are, we hope, shocked to their core at what their sons have done. They could not see inside their sons' adult brains any more than Ms. Klebold had a portal to her adolescent son's.
When we can view brain dysfunction and heal it, that will be the genesis of a better world. Right now it's all blindness on the part of family members, and lies -- including lies of omission -- on the part of the attackers and murderers,
When we can view brain dysfunction and heal it, that will be the genesis of a better world. Right now it's all blindness on the part of family members, and lies -- including lies of omission -- on the part of the attackers and murderers,
4
My father was the youngest of 8 kids (4 boys, 4 girls) and my mother was the oldest of 6 (5 girls, 1 boy). I'm the oldest of 8 (4 boys, 4 girls) and my wife is one of 15 (!), 10 girls and 4 boys, of which she is #4. We have literally SEEN IT ALL among our siblings and relatives. Enough heartache to fill a container ship. Root cause: Ineffective parenting by 2nd-generation Irish parents who had too many children, and too little education, and were shaped by a cold Irish culture. Bottom line: there is little if anything one can do as a parent, or a sibling, to dissuade teens and young adults from bonehead, life-changing decisions. Now, at 65, I can tell a dozen of them: "Told you so." Fortunately, most of them remain on the East Coast, out of sight, and out of mind. For what it's worth, my classmates in our NJ hometown's heavily-Protestant school system had the same generic problems in far smaller families, esp. with drugs, from 1966 on. Nature or nurture? It's both, not either.
4
I have a serious mental illness that emerged during the early years of my adolescence. My mother, imperfections and all, is and has always been one of the most attuned, supportive, and engaged parents I've ever known. She recognized the warning signs, but struggled to determine whether it was a "phase" or something more serious. It didn't help that I, too, could not make sense of what was going on with me. Three years ago, I made a near-fatal suicide attempt that no one in my life could possibly have seen coming. It is truly incredible how much suffering you can hide from those closest to you--I applaud Ms. Klebold's courage in writing this; my heart goes out to her, her husband, and the victims' families.
46
As a parent I feel deep sadness for both Sue and the victims of the school violence. Sue will never experience normal again, every day intrusive thoughts "of what if " will invade her nights and days. The truth is even good parents are subject to the randomness of life. Many neglected and abused children overcome damage to become productive people. Some with all the advantages become addicts and destroy themselves. We like to delude ourselves that we have full control of the outcome but you can never fully know the mind of another, even someone you have loved and nurtured your whole life. Many a surly, unpleasant teen has blossomed after high school- how could she have known the future? No one knew the depth of Robin Williams pain. Life is wonderful and we strive to do our best, but also rife with pain and injustice. Maturity comes with recognizing how little control we really have over "our happily ever after". May you have moments of peace Sue.
28
You just cannot know. My stepson was a very surly, unpleasant kid in his teens. He got in trouble regularly. He got lousy grades -- Cs and Ds. He hung out with total losers. He smoked pot. He drank alcohol. He got detentions. He was moody, brooding. If you tried to talk to him, he snapped at you. He answered questions in monosyllables.
By the last year of high school, he got into an automotive repair program he liked and did well in....got a good job right out of high school. Decided he wanted to join the Navy after 9/11 -- did so, traveled around the world, got tech training. Today he has a six figure job, a house, a wife and 2 kids -- he's a model citizen.
By the standards of many shrill, know-it-all posters here, my stepson should have been jailed in a reform school and treated like a criminal "just in case" he became a mass murderer.
99.999% of kids who act like Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris grow up to become perfectly normal adults.
By the last year of high school, he got into an automotive repair program he liked and did well in....got a good job right out of high school. Decided he wanted to join the Navy after 9/11 -- did so, traveled around the world, got tech training. Today he has a six figure job, a house, a wife and 2 kids -- he's a model citizen.
By the standards of many shrill, know-it-all posters here, my stepson should have been jailed in a reform school and treated like a criminal "just in case" he became a mass murderer.
99.999% of kids who act like Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris grow up to become perfectly normal adults.
2
When I had Stage IV cancer there was an alien presence in me that almost took my life. My own body produced it. I can never get pregnant but I know how Mrs. Klebold must feel, having birthed such an alien entity. I still feel dirty sometimes, psychologically, from the damage the tumor did.
6
This article has the word mother in it many times. What about the father? The father and mother have equal roles in parenting. If something as depressing as this article happened to a child, one parent should not deprive themselves of the guilt. It is equally both of their failures. The blaming should not go to one person but instead, it should go to both.
12
Please read the book before you comment. Your comment has absolutely no merit whatsoever and you would know that, had you read the book.
1
I haven't read the book. As I understand investigators' theories of what happened, Klebold might have come through his depression and lived a relatively normal life - if he hadn't known Harris. Columbine was a very unusual mass murder given that there were 2 perpetrators. Sue Klebold was at a real disadvantage in being able to recognize what was going on with her son, since so much of it came from outside him.
22
I find the role of Harris interesting, too. Their relationship could've been a cult of two, with Harris as leader. People go far, far astray under the sway of cult leader; do stuff they never would've if not under that sway.
10
Understandably, many parents want to distance themselves from the Klebolds by believing that they (we) would have done something different, been more perceptive, more hands-on, more attentive to our child's moods and his dysfunction. But I think that's hubris. We cannot control the world or even our children's experience of it. The Klebolds sound like normal parents doing a "good enough" job raising their child. Tragically, it wasn't enough. But perhaps nothing would have been enough. Rather than judge, I'm just thankful this didn't happen to me and my child ,and feel so sorry for those to whom it did, including Sue Klebold.
19
I am grateful to Sue Klebold for writing this book, and for telling her story. As the parent of two now-grown children, I wonder if there is a parent out there who didn’t have to deal with some inappropriate behavior and acting out by their kids as they went through their teenage years, “inappropriate” covering a wide range of sins. I know I did. Few of us have to confront ourselves, after an unspeakable disaster, such as Sue Klebold did, and ask ourselves what we did wrong, what we could have/should have done differently, and what can be learned from it. I give credit to Sue Klebold for what strikes me as an honest effort to do this. I think there is something we can all learn from this horror, and I hope that in the future, we all spend more time listening to our kids, to other parents, and to each other, in order to prevent more repetitions of such disasters. I grieve for the victims, and the parents and families of all the victims. All of them.
19
Because our society not only tolerates, but encourages violence in the media--television shows, movies, video games--coupled with insignificant gun safety laws, it is inevitable that such a horrific mass murders take place and will take place in perpetuity. If it wasn't 'The Matirx" that inspired the two teens, wearing the black trench overcoats and assault weapons, to commit murder, it would have been another movie. Add on top of that, the predilection for teens to play violent video games that 'reward killing" and other acts of violence, one can easily imagine a depressed teen becoming desensitized and numb to reality. To a great extent, the leaders of ISIS' marketing arm has leveraged this for recruiting. Our first and second amendments protect certain rights and our society has allowed big corporations (who profit immensely from the status quo) to run amok. Dylan's mom can write a cathartic book, try and help others with her efforts, but she may as well build sand castles on the beach.
11
Countless tens of millions of people saw "The Matrix", which was a huge hit film and very influential on other films.
Only Klebold and Harris committed murders based on influence from the film (if that was even really the influence).
Only Klebold and Harris committed murders based on influence from the film (if that was even really the influence).
Kind of off-point, but relevant.
I had a client recently, his wife had left him. He needed to make some decisions regarding his future and housing and stuff like that, decisions most of us could make. Because of limited abilities and other reasons, I sensed he could not make the decisions he needed to make and realized he was in a very bad spot. I started thinking "murder-suicide", his wife and then him.
So I called the local police to get him on a three-day hold. Nothing I could do or say would convince them to initiate the process.
My client killed himself about 10 days later, in front of his wife, with a newly purchased 9mm handgun.
I had a client recently, his wife had left him. He needed to make some decisions regarding his future and housing and stuff like that, decisions most of us could make. Because of limited abilities and other reasons, I sensed he could not make the decisions he needed to make and realized he was in a very bad spot. I started thinking "murder-suicide", his wife and then him.
So I called the local police to get him on a three-day hold. Nothing I could do or say would convince them to initiate the process.
My client killed himself about 10 days later, in front of his wife, with a newly purchased 9mm handgun.
42
Kids are people, and people sometimes wish to kill people including themselves. Many kids don't yet have the serious investment in life that adults have, which acts as a brake on fantasy and extreme behavior. That it was these two and this place & time is a statistical reality without special meaning in itself. The fact is this happens, and you should get used to it because the circumstances are repeatable.
If society were absolutely intolerant of mass murder with guns, then every gun in America, from the day of it's manufacture, would have an associated responsible adult assigned to it, as would ammo. If atomic bombs were as available as guns you'd see kids setting those off too. The difference is atomic bombs are severely controlled. Immaturity and deadly weapons will always result in lost lives.
If society were absolutely intolerant of mass murder with guns, then every gun in America, from the day of it's manufacture, would have an associated responsible adult assigned to it, as would ammo. If atomic bombs were as available as guns you'd see kids setting those off too. The difference is atomic bombs are severely controlled. Immaturity and deadly weapons will always result in lost lives.
11
One element that is not mentioned here is the value of a family's spiritual perspective. There is no guarantee that exposing a child to a religious community will result in that child internalizing spiritual values, of course. But I do think when there is a vacuum--when a family has a totally secular perspective--it's easier for that child to give in to anger and succumb to violence.
3
They were Lutheran, and had their children confirmed in the church.
7
Not relying on a priest, or minister or whatever to guide doesnt lead to a vacuum. I believe opposite. Those that need such a crutch are weak. Cathedral city, huh?
I'm going to say something very personal, something I've never told anyone else in the world, and something that I will only share anonymously. I was a very angry teenager as well. I struggled and had absolutely no friends. I fantasized about hurting people. My parents did not really care honestly, and I said some very threatening things to my teachers, and my parents still didn't care. I was a deranged loner and in a different set of conditions I might have done something very bad.
This continued in college and I dropped out and worked. Then something changed. I began to read various self-help books, in particular by Ernest Holmes and Jack Addington, and changed my thought and thinking patterns. I could not afford a psychologist or anything, but I changed.
I went back to college and did really well. I still had no close friends but that slowly improved. I now attend medical school and am going into a surgical specialty. My parents are very proud, but it is really disturbing to think how it might have turned out differently, the random nature of life...
This continued in college and I dropped out and worked. Then something changed. I began to read various self-help books, in particular by Ernest Holmes and Jack Addington, and changed my thought and thinking patterns. I could not afford a psychologist or anything, but I changed.
I went back to college and did really well. I still had no close friends but that slowly improved. I now attend medical school and am going into a surgical specialty. My parents are very proud, but it is really disturbing to think how it might have turned out differently, the random nature of life...
92
I wish you well
8
So what jobs are most attractive to psychopaths? Here’s the list, originally published online by Eric Barker:
1. CEO
2. Lawyer
3. Media (Television/Radio)
4. Salesperson
5. Surgeon
1. CEO
2. Lawyer
3. Media (Television/Radio)
4. Salesperson
5. Surgeon
3
Kudos. Good for you!
I can understand the urge to take one's own life. It might be brought on by emotional or physical pain, money problems, a lost loved one, school pressure, loneliness, job pressure -- any number of things. It is part of the fabric of most, if not all, humans.
But I cannot understand the urge to take someone else's life in such a random, cruel and arbitrary manner. That kind of behavior goes way beyond the normal cycle of teenage angst and alienation. Clearly there was more to Dylan Klebold than just a confused and depressed kid. He was a cold, brutal murderer who actually seemed to relish and enjoy slaughtering innocent people, if the video transcripts are any indication. It is simply beyond me how this kind of monster (yes, monster) could have wandered in and out of his family's life unnoticed.
But I cannot understand the urge to take someone else's life in such a random, cruel and arbitrary manner. That kind of behavior goes way beyond the normal cycle of teenage angst and alienation. Clearly there was more to Dylan Klebold than just a confused and depressed kid. He was a cold, brutal murderer who actually seemed to relish and enjoy slaughtering innocent people, if the video transcripts are any indication. It is simply beyond me how this kind of monster (yes, monster) could have wandered in and out of his family's life unnoticed.
4
There are millions of teenagers, many of them troubled; often showing that disturbance outwardly and even sometimes expressed in anti-social behavior. I'm going to guess that many (or perhaps most) of them never go on to commit serious crime, and certainly not any crime of such a heinous magnitude. Pre-Columbine, it's even more difficult for a parent to imagine a teenager is going to do something like this (it is still incredibly rare). Given these observations, I would view it as rather difficult to 'predict' that a child is going to do something like this. Absent some very serious warning signals, I would think that most parents would miss it entirely.
7
I think too many parents are slow to criticize other parents for fear of being judged themselves. Obviously, these boys were profoundly disturbed but it's also clear to me that Sue Klebold engaged in chronic passive parenting. There were multiple opportunities for the parents to intervene in a far more significant way. To say otherwise is denial.
9
But what you are saying is hindsight. It seems undeniable that his parents could have and should have done ... something. But it is much easier for us to see that NOW than it was for them at the time.
Furthermore, even when we sense something may be wrong, parents are always having to weigh the risk versus benefits of particular interventions - particularly with teens. If we force communication - demand answers to our suspicions - we run the risk of further alienating a teen who isn't communicating much anyway. If we force a child to therapy or force him or her to talk about something he/she doesn't want to talk about, we may close off the last avenues of communication. If we appear to be heavily judgmental about something that is just a passing phase, the child may never trust us again. Teens are sensitive.
Again, much easier to judge LATER than at the time. And much easier to judge some other kid's parents than ourselves ...
Furthermore, even when we sense something may be wrong, parents are always having to weigh the risk versus benefits of particular interventions - particularly with teens. If we force communication - demand answers to our suspicions - we run the risk of further alienating a teen who isn't communicating much anyway. If we force a child to therapy or force him or her to talk about something he/she doesn't want to talk about, we may close off the last avenues of communication. If we appear to be heavily judgmental about something that is just a passing phase, the child may never trust us again. Teens are sensitive.
Again, much easier to judge LATER than at the time. And much easier to judge some other kid's parents than ourselves ...
4
Westerners always look for rational explanations for the irrationality that breaks out daily in our world. Although we now rely on pseudo-medical explanations for what we define as abnormal behavior, in reality, we still know very little about the dark side of the human mind. Instead of trying to make sense out of the mind of Dylan, readers might take a look at Ernest Becker, whose explanation of irrationality seems to me the only way of making sense out the terrible carnage we see in the world today.
Guns are the problem.
Many, many teens go through suicidal phases, depression, alienation, etc. during their high school and college years. Across the world.
If they don't have access to weapons, they get through this by fighting, "getting in trouble", writing poetry, running away, smoking pot, failing in class, whatever.
But without access to guns, the ultimate, irrevocable steps of murder and suicide are rarely taken.
We must *not* be tricked into making any connection between the very real facts of adolescent depression, and the horrendous, preventable acts of murder/suicide.
Many, many teens go through suicidal phases, depression, alienation, etc. during their high school and college years. Across the world.
If they don't have access to weapons, they get through this by fighting, "getting in trouble", writing poetry, running away, smoking pot, failing in class, whatever.
But without access to guns, the ultimate, irrevocable steps of murder and suicide are rarely taken.
We must *not* be tricked into making any connection between the very real facts of adolescent depression, and the horrendous, preventable acts of murder/suicide.
23
Soooo typical. And so wrong.
Thousands of gun laws in the USA. Klebold and Harris were in violation of most of those laws. Turns out that BAD GUYS don't care much about your laws.
Ever.
Thousands of gun laws in the USA. Klebold and Harris were in violation of most of those laws. Turns out that BAD GUYS don't care much about your laws.
Ever.
3
Sorry California Man. You're wrong.
Other countries have alienated, angry, twisted teens. But they don't have school shootings.
Guns make the difference.
Without the guns (which were acquired through totally legal gun shows by the way) they maybe would have raged at the world, gotten into fights, or even thrown their stupid pipe bombs (which didn't work by the way) and ended up in jail. But this monumental tragedy would have been avoided.
Other countries have alienated, angry, twisted teens. But they don't have school shootings.
Guns make the difference.
Without the guns (which were acquired through totally legal gun shows by the way) they maybe would have raged at the world, gotten into fights, or even thrown their stupid pipe bombs (which didn't work by the way) and ended up in jail. But this monumental tragedy would have been avoided.
1
I attended Pinellas Park High School in 1988, when two 15-year-old students shot two administrators and a teaching intern. One of the administrators, Richard Allen died; the other two victims survived their gunshot wounds and I believe fully recovered. Those are the facts, but the reason I'm commenting is because I had one of the murderers in my Phys. Ed. class one semester. Neither of us were interested in sports, and I got to know him a little bit. He was always good-humored, he seemed to stay out of trouble. and he struck be as a decent human being who probably came from a stressful home environment. But that's just conjecture. I know nothing of his family. He was a sweet boy, and the frightening truth is that sometimes no one, not even a parent or psychiatrists, can glean the depths of darkness that lie within someone else.
20
The U.S. is now 40 years into a non-stop orgy of horrific murder, torture and sex portrayed everywhere in media. There is little parents can do or could've done even 20 years go to counter the influences that especially affect young males who are inculcated from birth with an omnipotence and warrior persona that will never serve them or the rest of us. It ought not surprise that this less mentally disturbed teen male partnered with a full blown psychopath who gleefully spent his days imagining slaughter and rape. It's always surprised me the number of people who claim boys are easier to raise, when they are the weaker gender and need 24/7 monitoring and guidance just to keep them from harming other people and helpless animals. Nowhere near enough young males are made to work, do chores or volunteer their time in order to stay out of trouble and see the larger world beyond their entitled overblown egos. Left to their own selfish designs, most young males devise ways to victimize others. Felony burglary WAS the clue missed, one of many.
9
Nowhere near enough young males have fathers who are good role models.
1
FSM: god knows, I think that lack of fathers and parenting is a serious problem in the US where 40% of all kids (and 72% of all black kids) are born to unwed mothers and raised without their dads.
BUT NOT IN THESE CASES. Klebold and Harris both came from intact, loving, normal families with both parents present in the home.
BUT NOT IN THESE CASES. Klebold and Harris both came from intact, loving, normal families with both parents present in the home.
1
Sue Klebod's experience is every parent's nightmare. As a mother of four teenagers, it is very hard to tell what is normal teen stuff and what is potentially lethal teen stuff. Teens by design are mercurial, rebellious, silent and difficult, the degrees are what is different. As parents we try not to be paranoid, scared or jump to conclusions because the wrong step can be very hard to unravel, especially if trust is lost. The depths of Mrs Klebod's pain, her introspection and her attempt to face this tragedy head on says a lot about her as a person and as a mother. Before we condemn her parenting skills, try spending a month with a teen and see actually how much you know about them. Even the most engaged parents, most competent parents miss a lot.
16
Who am I to judge? If a child of mine had been one of Dylan Klebold's victims, I'd have plenty of judgment, and opinions, born of grief. Otherwise, there are only two things that I feel entitled to have an opinion about:
One, the gun culture is absolutely to blame. We do nothing. Until we dramatically change this, we're culpable too.
Two, there is the issue of narcissism. It's the root of evil, but rarely defined in a clear way, and thrown around to describe a lot of manifestations of selfishness that really don't qualify as true, boundary-less pathological narcissism. So we never really understand its causes. Anyone thinking of becoming a parent ought to be aware of it, but how? I hope the mental health research that Sue Klebold's book will help finance will address a question I've asked a lot of people about, but never get a clear answer.
One, the gun culture is absolutely to blame. We do nothing. Until we dramatically change this, we're culpable too.
Two, there is the issue of narcissism. It's the root of evil, but rarely defined in a clear way, and thrown around to describe a lot of manifestations of selfishness that really don't qualify as true, boundary-less pathological narcissism. So we never really understand its causes. Anyone thinking of becoming a parent ought to be aware of it, but how? I hope the mental health research that Sue Klebold's book will help finance will address a question I've asked a lot of people about, but never get a clear answer.
14
I always felt that boys needed their mothers around most of the time when they were growing up being able to give them validation if they are not the athlete types, and if they are the athlete types to give them a sense of humility as both type of boys can grow up with abhorrent behavior but for different reasons. Since the invention of television as a societal determination for what was considered the norm whether it was or not, boys have measured themselves up against the image. Then, when women went to work full times, violent video games came on the scene, I believe that we as a society lost track of what was happening to the psyches of our young people but especially boys as their manliness is important regardless of whether they look like the testosterone laced steroid images on television in the sports world. Then, the proliferation of guns, our society was ignorant in what was happening in the hearts and minds of our children, but especially boys. Bigger schools weren't and aren't always the answer, and often it is harder to find your sense of acceptance of yourself in a larger environment.
5
Life is a masquerade ball. We are all two, three or four people in one. In a society where image counts, we are afraid to take off our masks. Who will see us as we are, who will know us, who will report us to the authorities or to our bosses, who will expose us to our acquaintances and friends, who will find out how dark our inside waters, how many the ripples, how deep the quagmire and how patently false our surface--that shapes our interaction with the rest of the world. If Dylan Klebold had a tortured inside he wasn't about to submit it for scrutiny and correction, not even to his parents. But depression is hardly an excuse for murder and it is not usually a trigger for murder although in Klebold's case his killings may have been a full throttle cry for help or attention. It is remarkable how our own children can be strangers to us, how they can astonish us with their potential for good and evil. Proximity doesn't guarantee perspicacity and hence Sue Klebold should exonerate herself. Is Tom, the father, ever mentioned in the book? How has he coped? He worked out of his home and still may not have known Dylan all that well. Sharing a snack and the sports pages, same as on a train, with a stranger or with a friend, is a superficial encounter, ritualistically played out in many homes, as they were between Klebold and his dad. For a disturbed child those gestures from his father, in hindsight, were woefully inadequate to get to his suffering and his core.
3
As they are divorced, I am sure Sue Klebold doesn't feel she can speak for her husband. Perhaps he doesn't want to speak publicly.
I saw Ms. Klebold in the Diane Sawyer piece that ran on Friday evening, and my heart ached for her. Days before the interview, I watched the PBS presentation of "Leopold and Loeb", the story of the affluent teenagers who kidnapped and killed a child in the 1920's. Both teenagers ostensibly had decent parents, stable homes, wealth, and superior educational opportunities (both were brilliant students). To me, the similarities between those two young men and Klebold and Harris are striking.
I love my children dearly, but I "lost" them briefly between the ages of 14 and 18. They were good students with lots of friends, but as teens, they stopped sharing their daily struggles, and it became difficult to draw them out. Forced togetherness was often tense and yielded little insight into their "real lives"; we always felt that they kept things from us. And we were right; at our youngest daughter's wedding in Maui, we spent a couple of relaxed evenings with them and their friends as adults, and the stories they had never shared came out - nothing horrifying, just surprising.
The secret lives of teens often come as surprises to even the most loving and attentive parents. No one can blame Ms. Klebold for the secrets and actions of her son, and we as parents can only do the best we can possibly do to keep the lines of communication open and ourselves available to them. And above all, we must love them unconditionally, and pray for the best.
I love my children dearly, but I "lost" them briefly between the ages of 14 and 18. They were good students with lots of friends, but as teens, they stopped sharing their daily struggles, and it became difficult to draw them out. Forced togetherness was often tense and yielded little insight into their "real lives"; we always felt that they kept things from us. And we were right; at our youngest daughter's wedding in Maui, we spent a couple of relaxed evenings with them and their friends as adults, and the stories they had never shared came out - nothing horrifying, just surprising.
The secret lives of teens often come as surprises to even the most loving and attentive parents. No one can blame Ms. Klebold for the secrets and actions of her son, and we as parents can only do the best we can possibly do to keep the lines of communication open and ourselves available to them. And above all, we must love them unconditionally, and pray for the best.
25
Let us not judge. People, like all animals, are capable of hiding their feelings, their behaviors and their intentions. Given just the right partner to enact them, tragedy is the result. How many of us have been told when a family member committed suicide, "We had no idea. . he seemed so happy." How many of us have blown off the ups and downs of our adolescent children, just that, adolescence. As parents, we have all found out after the fact, behaviors of our children that at that time, would have worried us, would have caused us to take action. . .or at least, forced us to monitor behavior more closely. Andrew Solomon's extraordinary chapter on these boys, the influence of the the psychopathic child over the more malleable follower, goes back as far as the novel, "The Bad Seed," written by William March in 1954. The fact that Sue Klebold, after what will be a lifetime of reflection and mourning, has opened herself to scrutiny and to redemption on her family and son's behalf, should be respected. Sometimes truly, we don't see it coming.
22
I don't understand why the father's letter is 'cruel.'
It would be interesting if all mass murderers, murderers, rapists, domestic abusers, white collar thieves and criminals of all types were required to provide their life story and their family required to be interviewed. Sounds big brotherish only a little.
I appreciate the bravery of Sue Klebold in exposing herself.
But I can't help feel that her family should move to another state. It would be good for all the people impacted that remain and good for her.
It would be interesting if all mass murderers, murderers, rapists, domestic abusers, white collar thieves and criminals of all types were required to provide their life story and their family required to be interviewed. Sounds big brotherish only a little.
I appreciate the bravery of Sue Klebold in exposing herself.
But I can't help feel that her family should move to another state. It would be good for all the people impacted that remain and good for her.
6
I completely agree that it was wrong to characterize the father's letter as "cruel".
2
Spare us the picture of one of the mass murderers! Show some of the victims if you like. Glorifying bad actors only encourages more of them.
8
I don't think either the picture or the book review - or Klebold's book - "glorifies" him. It is just saying, he, too, was somebody's kid. His parents, too, have been through a nightmare the rest of us can only imagine, and it is not at all clear - unless perhaps you are God - what if anything his parents could or should have done differently.
Most of us whose Kids Are All Right know that it could have been different - and/or still could be different tomorrow. Things change on a time; luck is a great big part of raising an okay kid.
Most of us whose Kids Are All Right know that it could have been different - and/or still could be different tomorrow. Things change on a time; luck is a great big part of raising an okay kid.
10
I'm appalled that so many commenters want to bash this woman and other parents who produce children who commit terrible acts. I myself raised a son who had and continues to have great difficulties with drugs and alcohol. He continued down this road despite counseling, therapy, drug interventions, rehab, prison, and all the help we could afford. People who haven't any experience in this kind of world with their children love to sit back and gloat about all the mistakes we make, and how terrible we are at parenting. You are the same people that continue to blame Adam Lanza's mother, when he killed her first. Shame on you.
Ms. Klebold, here's what I learned that saved my life, and my husband's, as we struggled through the nightmare: our children are born pretty much whole, as they are. There is nothing you can say or do, or nothing you didn't say or didn't do, that caused your son to devise a secret life and do terrible things. Nothing. I spent years in counseling with hundreds of other parents, and saw it all--rich people, poor people, people with horrific parenting skills, people who spoiled and doted on their children, etc. All of them ended up with the same result--a damaged child, sometimes mentally ill, and sometimes not. Some grew up and healed, others did not.
After many years involvement with teens and substance abuse, I believe we are born as we are. Environment and love truly don't change that, maybe just provide a veiled influence.
Ms. Klebold, here's what I learned that saved my life, and my husband's, as we struggled through the nightmare: our children are born pretty much whole, as they are. There is nothing you can say or do, or nothing you didn't say or didn't do, that caused your son to devise a secret life and do terrible things. Nothing. I spent years in counseling with hundreds of other parents, and saw it all--rich people, poor people, people with horrific parenting skills, people who spoiled and doted on their children, etc. All of them ended up with the same result--a damaged child, sometimes mentally ill, and sometimes not. Some grew up and healed, others did not.
After many years involvement with teens and substance abuse, I believe we are born as we are. Environment and love truly don't change that, maybe just provide a veiled influence.
26
Where is the father in all of this? I do know that the Kelbolds divorced, but where is "A Father's Reckoning"? If Tom has said a word I cannot find it anywhere. It is always the mother, isn't it? Their care, their mistakes, their failings when something goes horribly wrong in a life. But the triumphs - pitch a no hitter and you are Daddy's Boy!
19
Wow, do you have it backwards. The mother is always the go to person - and they love it, despite their whining.
You want the credit when things go well - you take the fall when they don’t.
You want the credit when things go well - you take the fall when they don’t.
Ten years of dealing with clueless IEP people. Ten years of gutless pediatricians. Ten years of ‘a mother’s intuition.’ and "Mom Knows best.”
He isn’t going to hurt anyone. He’s horrified by violence. Can’t even watch Bambi.
But he might hurt himself. Someday. He needs medication. He needs a competent psychologist. He needs a mother who cares more about her child than winning the “war" against his father.
But it won’t happen.
Fathers give up. They throw in the towel. They quit. Because our culture tells them to quit. Because it is ‘ in the best interest’ of
“ the child.’
i haven’t quit. And I won’t. For all the good it will do.
He isn’t going to hurt anyone. He’s horrified by violence. Can’t even watch Bambi.
But he might hurt himself. Someday. He needs medication. He needs a competent psychologist. He needs a mother who cares more about her child than winning the “war" against his father.
But it won’t happen.
Fathers give up. They throw in the towel. They quit. Because our culture tells them to quit. Because it is ‘ in the best interest’ of
“ the child.’
i haven’t quit. And I won’t. For all the good it will do.
It's not clear what happened to Dylan's violent story. I'm assuming the teacher gave it back to him. If so, he or she should have made a xerox first and passed it on to the principal's office. I assume that's standard operating procedure today -- true?
4
If Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris had been born black then they probably would have ended up in prison or a morgue after being profiled, stalked, stopped, harassed, beaten and shot while unarmed for doing the same things that they did while white and armed. And the notion that the actions of a Klebold, a Harris, a Loughner, a Holmes, a Lanza or a Roof might be excused or explained by mental illness is not applied to blacks. If your kids do something and you are surprised as a parent then you are either not paying attention or you are in denial.
12
I hope that all profits from the publication of this book are being distributed to the victims and the survivors of victims.
There might be important learning here, but I could never justify reading this book unless all financial benefits went to the victims and their families. Otherwise, reading this book is like using medical data from Nazi experiments.
There might be important learning here, but I could never justify reading this book unless all financial benefits went to the victims and their families. Otherwise, reading this book is like using medical data from Nazi experiments.
2
Please do not post this kid's smiling face picture. Is the NYT looking for empathy for the family, especially the killer? Post the pictures of the murdered kids, not the criminal.
20
Save yourself some money,
Sue Klebold's kid was a monster. He and his partner in crime chose Hitler's birthdate to perpetrate their heinous acts at Columbine High.
Ms. Klebold was either too oblivious, or otherwise distracted, to notice what was brewing right under her nose.
As Ms. Dominus informs us, Ms. Klebold claims she didn't even know her son drank. Never mind the fact the two Columbine perps stockpiled a cache of illegal firearms, ammo, and constructed 99 improvised explosive devices (IED's) in the months prior to their rampage. The young perps made videos about their illegal activities up to, and including, the day of the attack.
Mind you, those two had been previously arrested, and adjudicated as juveniles, for theft.
Ms. Klebold has nothing to offer any conscientious, loving parent who can spot self-serving rationalization at even a small distance.
Sue Klebold's kid was a monster. He and his partner in crime chose Hitler's birthdate to perpetrate their heinous acts at Columbine High.
Ms. Klebold was either too oblivious, or otherwise distracted, to notice what was brewing right under her nose.
As Ms. Dominus informs us, Ms. Klebold claims she didn't even know her son drank. Never mind the fact the two Columbine perps stockpiled a cache of illegal firearms, ammo, and constructed 99 improvised explosive devices (IED's) in the months prior to their rampage. The young perps made videos about their illegal activities up to, and including, the day of the attack.
Mind you, those two had been previously arrested, and adjudicated as juveniles, for theft.
Ms. Klebold has nothing to offer any conscientious, loving parent who can spot self-serving rationalization at even a small distance.
13
Boy, are you smug.
I'd say that 90% of the kids in my high school class (1973) smoked, drank beer or liquoir, and used marijuana -- and almost NONE of their parents knew. Many of these kids were straight A students. ALL OF THEM went on to lead normal productive lives.
You are holding Mrs. Klebold to an impossible standard -- that of 20/20 hindsight.
BTW: the weapons were stored at the Harris household. I have no idea why they didn't find them, but teenagers can be very clever about hiding things from parents.
I am not sure at all what you think they could have done BEFORE their kids went on a rampage. Locked them up? put them in a jail or mental hospital? You cannot punish people in our society for things they HAVE NOT DONE YET.
I'd say that 90% of the kids in my high school class (1973) smoked, drank beer or liquoir, and used marijuana -- and almost NONE of their parents knew. Many of these kids were straight A students. ALL OF THEM went on to lead normal productive lives.
You are holding Mrs. Klebold to an impossible standard -- that of 20/20 hindsight.
BTW: the weapons were stored at the Harris household. I have no idea why they didn't find them, but teenagers can be very clever about hiding things from parents.
I am not sure at all what you think they could have done BEFORE their kids went on a rampage. Locked them up? put them in a jail or mental hospital? You cannot punish people in our society for things they HAVE NOT DONE YET.
2
A striking comment here "He had written for class an account of a man in black attacking some popular kids, a work so disturbing that his teacher brought it up with the Klebolds. They read it only after his death — Dylan never showed it to them, although they asked". Are we to assume that Dylan refused this request? What was the parent's reactions to his refusal?
I'm not saying that there was a single action from the parents that could have prevented this tragedy. I do know that if I was notified by the school that my son had written something so disturbing as part of a class project, it would be a top priority to see what he had written and acted appropriately. Letting something that serious slide would not be a responsible option, IMHO.
I'm not saying that there was a single action from the parents that could have prevented this tragedy. I do know that if I was notified by the school that my son had written something so disturbing as part of a class project, it would be a top priority to see what he had written and acted appropriately. Letting something that serious slide would not be a responsible option, IMHO.
16
As a parent of a child who was diagnosed with a mental illness when he was only 6 years old, I think one of the biggest hurdles for any parent is to accept that mental illness can even occur in children. It certainly was for me. There is a great tendency in our society to assume that any behavioral problem of a child is attributable to the parents' treatment of that child. In fact, children vary greatly in their emotional development, and some of those differences can be due to mental illness. Seeking out the help of an experienced child mental health professional is of utmost importance. One thing we can do as a society is to work hard to educate parents and teachers to remove the stigma of childhood mental illness. Essential also is to insure that enough well-trained child mental health professionals are available to families who need them -- the typical training of the school psychologist or teacher in this regard is, at least in my experience, sorely lacking. To the extent that Mrs. Klebold's book helps to shine a light on childhood mental illness that is one step forward.
27
There is a scarcity of child psychologists and psychiatrists even in large cities and they are often not taking new patients because they are full. Adding to the problem is that only few will be in-network providers on a particular insurance plan. This is the rationing of healthcare that many hardworking parents face. Mental health services need to be expanded dramatically. I agree with the comment that the school psychologists I have met don't seem up to the task whether because of overwork or inadequate training.
8
There is also over-diagnosis of some problems among children such as ADHD. Drugs may worsen the problem in some cases. There is no absolute or one-size-fits-all. Not all kids and adults with mental problems kill, and many are victims of abuse by normal people.
1
Many commenters have agreed that parents often do not know the deepest thoughts of their children - especially teenagers. The hormones and adolescence kick in and many teenagers simply want attention and to feel like they fit in. They try many ways to achieve those goals with little social intelligence. Some commit suicide - and take friends with them - to escape their terrible supposed terrible present. Some kill others. Some, like my daughter, turn to drugs. I suspected that she was using drugs and constantly checked her room and went through her belongings. She hated me for it, which hurt, but I was trying to protect her from herself and from the addiction genes she inherited from the other side of our family. Finally one night when she was out until all hours and came home with signs of drug use I told her next time I was taking her to the local hospital to get tested for drugs. I did. The doctors and nurses felt sorry for her and were very nasty to me for not believing her. She tested negative for marijuana use. She has been an alcoholic, with occasional drug use, her entire life and for her entire life I've been trying to help her. I always wonder what would have happened if the doctors and education system had supported me in trying to prevent her using. Addiction to alcohol and drugs is a special kind of hell for the addict and the family and the parents are not always to blame. Just imagine if your child was a killer.
44
I also wonder about the obverse. A comment by "professor" above says his/her mom taught for 40 years and said that she and the other teachers could predict who would turn out well and who not. Really? Really? I am certain educators notice things parents may not. The teacher might be right--maybe more so at the extremes. But who really knows what the future holds? And how long into the future did the teachers know the kids?
I was a typical good student, with great grades and a later good marriage and happy kid. Then at middle age I started to drink. Who could have seen it coming from the outside? I bet my teachers would have never predicted it. It lasted five years and I am many years sober now. In AA I have often heard that you cannot judge another's insides from the outside.
I hope your daughter one day does find sobriety. At this point she has to want to help herself. My "bottom" was not as low as some or as high as some others'. Somewhere, somehow, I found a way to believe I could stay sober. But the temptation is always there. My spouse, child and parents gave me support but it was I who ultimately had to change. And, yes, addiction, including alcoholicism, is a kind of hell. It can destroy the addict, the family, the job, the friends.
I was a typical good student, with great grades and a later good marriage and happy kid. Then at middle age I started to drink. Who could have seen it coming from the outside? I bet my teachers would have never predicted it. It lasted five years and I am many years sober now. In AA I have often heard that you cannot judge another's insides from the outside.
I hope your daughter one day does find sobriety. At this point she has to want to help herself. My "bottom" was not as low as some or as high as some others'. Somewhere, somehow, I found a way to believe I could stay sober. But the temptation is always there. My spouse, child and parents gave me support but it was I who ultimately had to change. And, yes, addiction, including alcoholicism, is a kind of hell. It can destroy the addict, the family, the job, the friends.
7
Many many parents feel desperate and powerless, it appears, to reach their teenagers--and for some the gulf starts a lot earlier. Truly America needs a nationwide program in the schools that has been proven to work in Canada. Teach children how to connect and stay connected to empathy. Canada's programs--Roots of Empathy and Seeds of Empathy are taught in the early grades up through 9th grade (I believe). And they work.
38
Spend time with teens, be the parent, learn to say no.
The U.S. has become a sinkhole of male violence in every direction and many possible - glorified as strong and independent and manly, when it is just the opposite.
However, the U.S. has also experienced nonstop school shootings by cowardly, sick boys as young as 8 since the1980s.
The U.S. has become a sinkhole of male violence in every direction and many possible - glorified as strong and independent and manly, when it is just the opposite.
However, the U.S. has also experienced nonstop school shootings by cowardly, sick boys as young as 8 since the1980s.
6
Excellent program. My teenage daughter went through this program in her Seattle school. It lead to some great family discussions on what it is to be empathetic and why it is a critical part of being human.
1
Those parents chose to be 'powerless' when their children were toddlers.
That they seem surprised that the same unacceptable behavior they permitted in their children when they were small did not somehow magically disappear when they became teenagers is truly baffling.
With children, do not allow one time what you do not want to have repeated forever.
That they seem surprised that the same unacceptable behavior they permitted in their children when they were small did not somehow magically disappear when they became teenagers is truly baffling.
With children, do not allow one time what you do not want to have repeated forever.
3
My mother taught elementary and high school for over 40 years. While growing up, she always said that she and her co-workers could predict with great accuracy how kids would turn out. I remember her words now and wonder if Sue Klebold ever talked to her son's teachers about his behavior and if that might have helped prevent Columbine.
16
I wonder if the 2nd grade teacher ever told Dylan's mother, "Your son is a real terror!"
3
With few exceptions - frontal lobe damage and the like - parents are the ones who create sociopaths, just as they are always the ones who insist it was not their fault.
1
Sorry Sue, but it's a parent's job to know his or her son. With access to cheap, high-power weaponry in 2016, sidestepping that responsibility will sometimes prove catastrophic.
Donating the proceeds of this book to the families of the people your son killed would at least be a token acknowledgement of your oversight, wouldn't it?
Donating the proceeds of this book to the families of the people your son killed would at least be a token acknowledgement of your oversight, wouldn't it?
14
She is donating her book's profits to research and charitable organizations that focus on mental health issues.
4
She's donating them to mental illness charities. And no one can fully know the mind of someone else, not even parents. People are complicated and can hide a lot of themselves from the world.
8
As many other posters have commented, she is donating the profits to mental health charities.
" All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues."
http://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Reckoning-Living-Aftermath-Tragedy/dp/1101...
" All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues."
http://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Reckoning-Living-Aftermath-Tragedy/dp/1101...
2
We live in a culture of violence, where war is not spoken about, where weapons are plentiful, and where healthcare is not for anyone. Etc. And in the best of circumstances, mental illnesses are misdiagnosed and mistreated, and still bear a deep stigma. Thanks to Mrs. Klebold for her vulnerability, which may help someone else know what we can do.
25
As Carol Burnett memorably said in the years after her child's suicide: "Sometimes you have to love your child enough to make them hate you," for your intrusiveness. But oftentimes that is the result they want -- concern and closer supervision -- but are too proud to ask for it outright.
27
Carrie Louise Hamilton, Carol Burnett's daughter did not commit suicide. She died from lung and brain cancer in 2002.
3
I saw Carol make the comment on a TV show, and it was years before 2002, also. See below, Veronica.
-------------------
Carrie And Me: A Mother-Daughter Love Story charts the tight bond between Burnett and her spirited daughter .... Burnett, 79, made no secret of her daughter's battle with drugs and alcohol during her teenage years in Los Angeles, speaking publicly about the family's worries and then Carrie's triumph in overcoming her addiction."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2305897/Carol-Burnett-opens-daug...
-------------------
Carrie And Me: A Mother-Daughter Love Story charts the tight bond between Burnett and her spirited daughter .... Burnett, 79, made no secret of her daughter's battle with drugs and alcohol during her teenage years in Los Angeles, speaking publicly about the family's worries and then Carrie's triumph in overcoming her addiction."
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2305897/Carol-Burnett-opens-daug...
1
i really think Klebold's Mother should have kept quiet. This book simply makes her feel better but I doubt makes any parent who lost a child feel better. If the book does anything it dredges up horrible memories.
7
I disagree. I give her great credit for speaking up. For the families of the kids who were killed, those horrible memories are likely very close to consciousness 24/7 - as I suspect they are and always will be for Ms. Klebold, too. It's not like the families forgot all about it until Ms. Klebold wrote her book.
7
Don't you think that she deserves to 'simply feel better?' How disconnected. This woman went through her own nightmare (not discounting, by any means, what her son's victims and families went through), followed her heart and dredged up her own horrible memories to write this book and to bring understanding to many people. Also, if you read the article she's proactive in other ways.
As a woman, how could you suggest she stay silenced? Columbine was her experience, too.
As a woman, how could you suggest she stay silenced? Columbine was her experience, too.
3
It is very easy to blame the parents for the homicidal behavior of their children, however, it is not that simple. As a mother of a son myself, clear warning signs are much more difficult to assess without the benefit of hindsight. It would be great if there were clear warning signs but there often are not. This is but one of the reasons psychology is such an inexact science. Unlike physical illness that can be diagnosed with a CAT scan or blood test, no such test exists for psychological diseases. It is simply based on judgement that is seldom clear cut. And once a child turns 18, treatment decisions can no longer be made by a parent. I feel nothing but profound sympathy for Sue Klebold, as I do for the parents who lost children to her son's senseless violence. The victims receive sympathy, but so should the parents of those who commit these crimes. They should not be damned to eternal shaming.
38
There are always clear warning signs, but parents such as these not only refuse to see them, but will attack anyone who points the problems out.
2
One thing that haunted me about the Columbine shootings was the age of the shooters, 17, making them younger than most of their classmates. This age differential bothered me so much that it influenced my own decision to hold my son (now a senior) back a year from starting kindergarten. Risk-taking personalities, along with male violence, tend to run in my family.
As Ariane commented: "There, but for the grace of God go I." This is in no way a judgment against Ms. Klebold, as sending smart boys to kindergarten at 5 was--and still is--an accepted practice. But I'm concerned that the focus on social promotion in recent years fails to consider there may also be a benefit to social retention, if a teacher or parent feels the child is struggling socially, and regardless of how that child is performing academically.
As Ariane commented: "There, but for the grace of God go I." This is in no way a judgment against Ms. Klebold, as sending smart boys to kindergarten at 5 was--and still is--an accepted practice. But I'm concerned that the focus on social promotion in recent years fails to consider there may also be a benefit to social retention, if a teacher or parent feels the child is struggling socially, and regardless of how that child is performing academically.
10
Sorry but I have news for you. Columbine did not happen because the murderers went to kindergarten too early.
4
Your concern is justified. I don't know how much starting school early made a difference in the Klebold and Harris cases, but I do know my parents made a mistake in starting me in kindergarten at age 4. I was the youngest in the class and noticeably the most emotionally immature. I started high school when I was 13 and became suicidal during my freshman year because I did not fit in and didn't know how to either. My parents did not have a clue how extreme my distress was but did recognize something was upsetting me. I finally changed to a much larger high school where I found friends who had started too early also and so the emotional mess I had been in dissipated. I still have those friends today. I was simply lucky.
2
The shootings were April 20, 1999. Eric Harris was already 18, Dylan Klebold was 17. I am not sure when his 18th birthday was, but both boys had to have started kindergarten at completely the normal time to start -- after their 5th birthdays.
1
Although Ms. Klebold herself did not commit an act of violence she is linked to the acts of her son and the responsible thing for her to do here is to keep a low profile and refrain from seeking additional publicity about this terrible crime. This book serves only to magnify the pain suffered by the families of the Columbine victims. Can this woman stop thinking only about herself for fifteen minutes? Does the Son of Sam law apply here? If Ms. Klebold is not donating all proceeds to charity, the families of the Columbine victims should sue since she is profiting on behalf of their pain.
5
She committed no crime herself, and all proceeds are being donated to,charities related to mental illness. She is trying to help other parents of teenagers to recognize trouble signs. I can't imagine why hoping to prevent future recurrences would be irresponsible.
8
She is donating the proceeds to charity and I thought the article was very clear about her motivation for writing the book. I assume you must be someone who has some personal knowledge about Ms. Klebold which enables you to make such sweeping generalizations about her motives. If not, it is puzzling how someone could read the article that I did and so easily assume the worst about this woman who has undoubtedly (in my perception at least) borne heart wrenching suffering.
3
She is indeed donating all the proceeds to a mental health charity, as the article points out.
4
The mother's book is certainly valuable and she deserves credit for writing it and engaging in public dialogue. However, we can never hope to obtain a full understanding of how parenting affected the course of a mass murderer's life from the parent or, if they survive, the murderer. We would have to have someone spying on parents and offspring in their home, which of course can't happen. We should get as much as we can from the participants, but we'll always have uncertainty. I would argue we have more uncertainty these days because families seem more closed than when we had a stronger sense of local community in our country.
11
I watched the Diane Sawyer interview last night, the very first thing that was striking was her answers were just not strong enough or emphatically said for the circumstances. Like she was talking about a negligent car accident. I am very sorry to say this and I am very sorry she has to live with this for the rest of her life, but she clearly was not a strong enough mother for this particular son. I remember wondering as a parent my self at the time of teenagers, why didnt the parents ever go in their rooms and look around while they were in school??? This one fact was truly incredible.
Responsible parenting of american teenagers is very difficult and very challenging. And triply tragic is the saddest situation in the US that teenagers can easily obtain guns. Many teenagers do not have good control of themselves, good judgement, sense of responsibility, etc.. The Columbine tragedy is not the only one in which teenagers or very young confused men obtain guns who should never have had them. This tragedy like many others is at the feet of the NRA, and they will obscenly spit in our faces "its not guns that kill people its people". WHEN WILL THE MADDNESS STOP?? When will we dismantle the NRA as a criminal organization ? As has been pointed out countless times most civilized countries in the world do not allow gun ownership beyond the simple hunting rifle.
It was a monster storm that hit the Klebolds. And what about the Harris family. What say they?
Responsible parenting of american teenagers is very difficult and very challenging. And triply tragic is the saddest situation in the US that teenagers can easily obtain guns. Many teenagers do not have good control of themselves, good judgement, sense of responsibility, etc.. The Columbine tragedy is not the only one in which teenagers or very young confused men obtain guns who should never have had them. This tragedy like many others is at the feet of the NRA, and they will obscenly spit in our faces "its not guns that kill people its people". WHEN WILL THE MADDNESS STOP?? When will we dismantle the NRA as a criminal organization ? As has been pointed out countless times most civilized countries in the world do not allow gun ownership beyond the simple hunting rifle.
It was a monster storm that hit the Klebolds. And what about the Harris family. What say they?
13
I haven't read the book. According this report, she did search her son's room.
4
I had the good fortune to do a project for the organization KickStart, now owned by Pathways. Kickstart's specially trained team takes a global approach to treating an at-risk child or young adult..their community (school or work) and their families so that the whole environment is taken into consideration during treatment. I learned that the symptoms of mental illness typically begin between the ages of 10-25 and are often misinterpreted as just an adolescent or teen phase. I personally witnessed parents, siblings, friends and others in the at-risk youth's sphere feel tremendous relief to be included in such comprehensive support. The services are typically longer-range, 12-18 months and are currently free of charge in San Diego. A video that explains their approach is https://vimeo.com/155407874. I urge concerned parents to explore similar options in their communities.
7
I ache for Sue Klebold. Living with the outcome of what her son was involved in must bring constant pain. It would be terrifying to realize she didn't know her son. I think many parents, aunts and uncles fall in to this category. People are able to hide a lot. I imagine some people wanted to blame the parents of the Columbine killers. And Sue Klebold lost a precious son. Regardless of his actions she loved him deeply. I think this book is brave.
34
Every once in awhile I read a comment so insightful that I believe it is worth reposting, so that newer readers are more likely to have the opportunity to see it. The following comment was posted by Cathy from Hopewell Junction, NY.
"Something like Columbine happens and the rest of us really want the Klebolds to be at fault. We really want Sue Klebold to have been foolish, willingly blinded, unable to see what was right in front of her. If she is at fault, then all of us other parents can relax, because we are all doing the right things, and *our* kids are OK.
Admitting that we cannot know what others hide from us; that we are not all experts at spotting mental illness and distinguishing it from normal teenage sullens, means that our own beloved children might be the ones who shoot another, or jump in front of a train. None of us can handle that uncertainty.
We all want Sue Klebold to have been a horrible parent, an easy target to pin responsibility. Because none of us want to be Sue Klebold. I will do her the grace of reading her book, a penance for how much I want her to be the problem."
"Something like Columbine happens and the rest of us really want the Klebolds to be at fault. We really want Sue Klebold to have been foolish, willingly blinded, unable to see what was right in front of her. If she is at fault, then all of us other parents can relax, because we are all doing the right things, and *our* kids are OK.
Admitting that we cannot know what others hide from us; that we are not all experts at spotting mental illness and distinguishing it from normal teenage sullens, means that our own beloved children might be the ones who shoot another, or jump in front of a train. None of us can handle that uncertainty.
We all want Sue Klebold to have been a horrible parent, an easy target to pin responsibility. Because none of us want to be Sue Klebold. I will do her the grace of reading her book, a penance for how much I want her to be the problem."
68
Thanks for reposting! I agree completely and liken it to wanting to know why and how someone died or wanting to actually see a train wreck. If we can just observe or understand enough to know a little bit more about what or what not to do, we somehow feel better. In this case, believing that Klebold's parents somehow "messed up" and have fault, gives us a false sense of control in our own lives. Unfortunately, to maintain that "control" we withhold much needed compassion to others, but also to ourselves, of course, without realizing it. I lost a parent to suicide and so I cannot help but feel a sense of compassion toward any family who also deals with mental illness. Sadly, mental illness is more prevalent in families than most are even willing to recognize or acknowledge. Fortunately, only a fraction of these cases end as unfortunately as Klebold's, but should anyone happen to lose there child in this homicidal manner, I know for sure they would want the compassion and empathy that Mrs. Klebold surely deserves.
5
They don't call it "wisdom" for nothing, the ability to distinguish between the things we cannot change and the things we can. With parents and their children, this discernment is complicated by love, by an innate sense of responsibility, and by our particular culture's decisions about how we are responsible whether or not that is true. It's a tough path to follow. I would look to a concept beyond forgiveness and try to grant people like Sue Klebold some positive regard without needing to assess what judgment to pass on them first.
33
Very often when we read of a serial killer, their neighbors, co-workers and others always seem to recall the killer as being pleasant, polite or helpful.
In other words unsuspecting of any nefarious activities. Mentally ill people are everywhere. Even in your own neighborhood/community. Pedophiles, rapists, thieves, etc. They go about their day and business under the radar.
I think this is why people are overly protective of their children these days.
If priests and teachers have moested innocents, it could be anyone.
It's VERY often the people we least suspect and often highly trust.
Nobody knows who will be the next serial murderer. And we are always surprised when people do crack and commit the most heinous of crimes.
Unfortunately the families of those who do horrible things also live with their relative's actions. Blaming them gives the public some sort of smug satisfaction. And the finger is almost always unfairly pointed at their mothers. As if they can magically control another human being. Simply impossible.
In other words unsuspecting of any nefarious activities. Mentally ill people are everywhere. Even in your own neighborhood/community. Pedophiles, rapists, thieves, etc. They go about their day and business under the radar.
I think this is why people are overly protective of their children these days.
If priests and teachers have moested innocents, it could be anyone.
It's VERY often the people we least suspect and often highly trust.
Nobody knows who will be the next serial murderer. And we are always surprised when people do crack and commit the most heinous of crimes.
Unfortunately the families of those who do horrible things also live with their relative's actions. Blaming them gives the public some sort of smug satisfaction. And the finger is almost always unfairly pointed at their mothers. As if they can magically control another human being. Simply impossible.
25
Not for nothing was "My Mother, My Self" one of the best-selling books of all time. "Control" assumes many guises.
3
"Mentally ill people are everywhere. Even in your own neighborhood/community. Pedophiles, rapists, thieves, etc. "
I object very strongly to your implication that all mentally ill people are criminals or potential criminals.
I object very strongly to your implication that all mentally ill people are criminals or potential criminals.
3
We are all supposed to agree that diversion programs instead of jail time for youthful offenders is the right thing to do, but what if these two boys had served time for their arrest during their junior year? If nothing else, it would have disrupted their plans for the attack on the school, and could have shaken their minds away from the dark thoughts which they dwelled on. It will be interesting to read if Mrs. Klebold has anything to say about this.
10
... Yes, jail time clearly derails the lives of thousands of people per year, but in this one anecdotal example a catastrophe might have been potentially delayed had we put these boys in jail! JAIL TIME FOR EVERYONE.
3
Or it might have solidified their pathological resentment, and allowed them to learn how to be more effective criminals.
6
You could just as easily say that jail time would have exposed them to other criminal minds who would have taught them how to make their attack even worse than it was. Jail doesn't really have a reputation for "shaking minds away from dark thoughts," and their time there could easily have added revenge to their list of impulses.
3
No the parents will not profit. All proceeds directed to mental health services. We are so cynical.
51
Yet another unfortunate who doesn't understand that you shouldn't feed the beast. Books, public apologies, speeches trying to clear the air, or expressing this or that kind of regret, are nothing more than fodder for the media machine. The proper response to a request from the media for a statement is silence. Discretion is the better part of regret.
7
So, how'd that approach work out for the Catholic Church?
2
Disagree - the great regret and guilt here is "what did I miss?" Surely incidents will occur again because you can't know, catch or change everything, but if it never gets discussed, how can you increase the chances?
2
Let's forget the media for one minute and remember the physical person battling heartache. Maybe this is her way of making sense of what happened and becoming free herself. She hid and was judged for way too long. Who wants to live that way?
2
What medication was he taking?
6
The toxicology reports are public. Both his urine test and blood test were clean.
2
I hope she is donating the proceeds to victims' compensation funds.
She is. She made that clear very early and it also says so on the website of the book. This article is sadly neglecting that fact.
16
She's donating all of her profits to mental health programs.
10
The fact that parents, family members, teachers, friends, can know something is seriously amiss with a person, yet have no idea how to intervene effectively, is yet another reason why focusing on provision of mental health services, rather than gun control, is ineffective for reducing gun violence. As a clinical psychologist, I know the balance we must strike between protecting the sovereignty of individuals with mental illness, and protecting the public: We cannot reflexively detain individuals because they make us uneasy or seem to be losing rational thought. Very, very few of such people are at all dangerous. The vast majority of individuals who experience mental illness, whether chronically or for a single, short episode, never commit any violent behavior whatsoever and in the majority of cases where they do, it is against themselves, through suicide, not against others. Pretending that the problem with gun violence lies with better protection of the public from those with mental illness is therefore nonsense. Gun owners are the problem, not the mentally ill.
39
You have got that exactly backwards. "The fact that parents, family members, teachers, friends, can know something is seriously amiss with a person, yet have no idea how to intervene effectively..." is by far the biggest argument that access to mental health is a more effective reducer of mass-shooting events than gun control.
We HAD gun control laws in place in April '99. Harris and Klebold were forbidden from possessing the shotguns and carbine they used because they were under 18. They were banned from possessing the pistol because they were under 21. And they were definitely banned from sawing off the shotguns without a an NFA tax stamp and whole mess of approvals from the ATF.
What we didn't have (and still don't) was any avenue for a concerned family member/friend/teacher to get those boys help, or at least a diagnosis so that they (especially Harris) could be watched.
We HAD gun control laws in place in April '99. Harris and Klebold were forbidden from possessing the shotguns and carbine they used because they were under 18. They were banned from possessing the pistol because they were under 21. And they were definitely banned from sawing off the shotguns without a an NFA tax stamp and whole mess of approvals from the ATF.
What we didn't have (and still don't) was any avenue for a concerned family member/friend/teacher to get those boys help, or at least a diagnosis so that they (especially Harris) could be watched.
2
Since the article fails to discuss what will happen with any profits from the book and since many comments have addressed the issue, it seems important for someone to inform readers that, according to Amazon: "All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues."
43
I do not have problem with Ms Klebold telling her story, but seems to me, it should not be for sale.
2
"All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues."
9
Before you judge, do some research:
All the proceedings go to charity, mental illness research and suicide prevention.
So yes, it should be for sale.
All the proceedings go to charity, mental illness research and suicide prevention.
So yes, it should be for sale.
10
I don't believe a single word of Ms. Sue Klebold. If she had really felt for the kids who died she would have joined other sane people to fight the spread of deadly weapons. All these TV shows and articles are here to sell a book and nothing more than that.
10
All profits to non-profit mental health organizations
11
In the first place, she is donating all proceeds and received nothing for this book. In the second place, she received so much scorn that she would not have been an effective campaigner.
10
If Ms. Klebold cared for the victims and lives her son destroyed, she would've begun working for gun control and teen mental health issues 16 years ago.
1
Most of us who are adults can look back and see how much we hid from our parents during adolescence. As a child struggles to become an adult, he/she will naturally withhold much from parents, simply because that kind of sharing is childlike. Overly intrusive parents are bad mouthed as the "helicopters" overprotecting their children and not letting them make their own ways. There are, of course, truly bad parents out there, but Sue Klebold doesn't strike me as one of them.
58
I would have questioned her more before I became a parent. I have one son who has been angry since the second he was born. He is 6 and has trouble getting along with other kids because he's so quick to snap. He's been to therapy, but it's a constant struggle, and I worry about what life will be like when he's a teenager. I have another son who was calm from the day he was born and is friends with everyone. I am now of the belief that parenting makes little difference, except in the extremes (neglect, abuse, complete overindulgence). I hope Ms. Klebold can move on and forgive herself. None of us are above it.
661
Being aware of it and clearly taking steps to mitigate his behavior show that you are responsibly parenting.
While your parenting may not have much effect on his personality, your parenting is definitely benefitting the other kids he's around.
While your parenting may not have much effect on his personality, your parenting is definitely benefitting the other kids he's around.
9
As a parent of a special needs child (and an aunt to more than ten) I believe that while there isn't much on can do regarding the personality a child is born with I think HOW we as parents/adults respond (or don't respond) has a great effect on how the future plays out. My special needs child is more independent and emotionally prepared than most typical kids his age (developmental age and actual age) and that has everything to do with me forecasting his future. Looking ahead and determining what essential skills he might have trouble with and working towards developing those skills. He still struggles with many things but he could be struggling with much more if I had not taken the time. I know a kid that reminds me of yours based on your brief description and their mother excuses the behavior by claiming he is gifted and not, as a parent, proactively dealing with it. Therapy is great it you apply what is learned when outside of the session. Many parents don't follow through. Hang in there. Educate yourself. Hold your child accountable (because the rest of the world will so he should get used to it now) and take care of yourself, physically, mentally and emotionally, because the time will come when he becomes his own responsibility and you shouldn't be all battered, broken and guilt ridden.
8
While so many of us thankfully manage to survive bad parenting, I disagree completely that parenting makes little difference. From infancy through adolescence, the child studies her/his parent(s) for clues how to survive and develop in this confusing world. From the parent(s), she/he learns to value his/her life and the lives of others. So, parents, yes, you are responsible for your children and should also be held accountable for their actions.
2
Have not read this book but I did read “Columbine” by Dave Cullen…twice. The utterly common and prosaic nature of Klebold and Harris’s violent fantasies and eccentricities resulted in a situation where only the most paranoid people would have suspected that they would act as they did. They "blended" and did not stand out in any significant way from their peers and no...they weren't "bullied by jocks".It was very easy for them to hide in plain sight. What was most disturbing to me (and I’m sure many others) was how easy it was for them to procure weapons. Had it simply been more of a hassle for them to obtain guns this would never have happened. If procuring significant lethally destructive firepower was as hard as…say…renting and operating a construction crane in their backyard, this massacre might have just remained a mere fantasy.
712
The gun accessibility issue is a very complex one in this particular case because all of the weapons were illegally purchased by the two killers via straw third parties. So this situation begs the question how do you stop illegal purchases? The answer does not readily come to mind.
9
I wanted to read your comment, but then you mentioned that you read Dave Cullens book twice and I just had to stop. His book is a terrible resource for reliable information, because it is filled with misconceptions and wrong "facts". There are several accounts by several ex-students of that school and year, that bullying was indeed a problem and that they were indeed bullied.
Cullen is just forcing his own personal ideas onto readers instead of actual facts. And a comment based on that is simply sadly just as nonsense as his book, logically.
Get "No Easy Answers" by Brooks Brown, who was actually there, friends with dead victims and also friends with Dylan Klebold. You will be surprised what you read there.
Cullen is just forcing his own personal ideas onto readers instead of actual facts. And a comment based on that is simply sadly just as nonsense as his book, logically.
Get "No Easy Answers" by Brooks Brown, who was actually there, friends with dead victims and also friends with Dylan Klebold. You will be surprised what you read there.
6
So true. How sad that 17 years later, nothing has changed. A troubled teen could still easily obtain a gun today.
1
"They did not know that he and his co-conspirator, Eric Harris . . . had been stockpiling weapons."
Who's weapons were they "stockpiling?"
Who's weapons were they "stockpiling?"
5
In case that's where you're at: no, not the weapons of their parents. Klebold were against weapons and have not owned any.
Eric Harris stockpiled everything hidden in his room, that's why Mrs. Klebold didn't find anything when searching her son's room.
The guns were bought second hand of Mark Manes (who they knew through a guy from their pizza job, and they went on a shooting range with Manes every now and then), and were also provided by a female schoolmate named Robyn Anderson, who was already 18 and could legally buy guns for them. Mark Manes received a jail sentence of several years, Robyn received nothing, while the other guy got punished with jail just for introducing both boys with Manes.
Eric Harris stockpiled everything hidden in his room, that's why Mrs. Klebold didn't find anything when searching her son's room.
The guns were bought second hand of Mark Manes (who they knew through a guy from their pizza job, and they went on a shooting range with Manes every now and then), and were also provided by a female schoolmate named Robyn Anderson, who was already 18 and could legally buy guns for them. Mark Manes received a jail sentence of several years, Robyn received nothing, while the other guy got punished with jail just for introducing both boys with Manes.
2
I was a young child when this happened. I remember my mother saying "This is the worst thing that could ever happen to a parent." I was surprised when I realized she meant the shooters' parents; I hadn't given them any thought at all until she said that. Now, as the mother of a son myself, my heart breaks for all the parents of Columbine-- the victims' parents and the shooters' parents.
67
One point: many comments mention guns, but in fact, this was a failed school "bombing"--the boys had made and planted bombs they intended to use to kill hundreds of students. They were going to use the guns to kill those trying to run away from the bombs. When the bombs failed to go off, then they started shooting. The guns were just backup. If they had not been able to obtain guns-- illegally, by the way--they still intended to use homemade weapons to cause death and destruction.
9
You're right, bombs should be illegal. Oh, wait, they are. Good thing these boys weren't able to buy all the C-4 and hand grenades they wanted. If only they had to rely on homemade guns as well.
15
They shot students as they entered the school, before any bombs could be planted, etc. The guns were not a fall-back option, they were for mass murder, as seen in the video of the 2 psychopaths shooting in the woods.
The bombs failed. If they didn't have the guns, in the end, most likley none of the kids and teacher would have been killed.
2
As a teacher pointed out below, kids behave differently in front of their peers and outside the home. There were warning signs, such as destructive tendencies or scary written assignments that betray a disturbed mind.
At parent teacher conference, note to self - teachers and parents should communicate the significance of what they see and talk about any trouble signs to determine if it was something more serious, to do something about, and if so, have school psychologist/ other expert provide that guidance as to what to do. Also, have other kids reach out in kindness. Concerted whole efforts.
At parent teacher conference, note to self - teachers and parents should communicate the significance of what they see and talk about any trouble signs to determine if it was something more serious, to do something about, and if so, have school psychologist/ other expert provide that guidance as to what to do. Also, have other kids reach out in kindness. Concerted whole efforts.
2
I remember right after the shootings, the Klebolds' pastor made a statement on their behalf about how horrified and shocked they were. I can't imagine how it must be to lose your child and deal with guilt and shame and the hatred of others, and I was very moved by the pastor's efforts to care for the Klebold family. I truly believe Sue Klebold would have done anything to prevent the tragedy if she could, and I am glad she is sharing her story to help understand and prevent further tragedy.
57
Mrs Klebold is taking on guilt about an issue that is in large part systemic. That there is mental illness out there and that it affects teenagers who are prone to risky behaviour isn't unique to the U. S. What is unique to the U.S. is that the availability of guns. Countries in the rest of the world have a fraction of these kinds of events.
65
Those countries lack the freedoms guaranteed under the US Constitution, as well as the 24/7 total immersion by America's youth in all forms of hedonism, etc. We crank out millions of semi-literate high school graduates each June to show for it, unlike countries with far less opportunity. Teens kill more while texting-while-driving, BTW, than they do with guns.
Yes, brain illness. Our brains - their neurons, their chemistry - produce our mental functions and states. There is no metaphysical soul doing it, and no metaphysical illness. Furthermore, while brain illnesses may be triggered or exacerbated by environmental factors, just like illnesses of other organs, they may also be the result of genetics or bad luck, just like illnesses of other organs.
The gut-wrenching tragedy at Columbine was also the result of the interplay between nature (brain illness) and environment (the availability of weapons of much destruction).
The gut-wrenching tragedy at Columbine was also the result of the interplay between nature (brain illness) and environment (the availability of weapons of much destruction).
19
So we are to have empathy and sympathy for the parents of a mass murderer who has left 15 families infinitely broken, but vilify the poorer parents of people of color whose children paid with their lives for much less heinous infractions as not being "good parents?" If you're searching your kids room for drugs and weapons after a run in with the police that resulted in an ARREST, your son is not an angel. I don't care that he went to the prom or laughed over old movies with his parents. This was an attack planned with calculated malicious intent (purchasing weapons at a gun show from a private dealer through a 3rd party to avoid background checks is not normal kid behavior). Willful blindness is not a defense. The Klebolds obviously did not know their son (or did not want to), and the lives of 13 victims were brutally cut short because of it. My sympathy is reserved for the grieving families.
86
What a shame that you have so little sympathy to go around.
32
Are you a parent yourself? My guess is probably not. If so, you will be in for some rude surprises when you discover how little control you have over the behavior of your children.
27
Parents know one side of their children, but they rarely see their child in context compared to other kids.
Parents have a data set of 2-3; as a teacher, I see about 1,000 kids a day walking the halls and in the cafeteria, etc. Even if I don't teach all of them, there are the ones who stand out, like the boy who wears makeup at my school (not a concern) and is so disruptive his mother is called to the school often (very much a concern). I see that this student's behavior is way out of the mainstream, but I'm not sure his mother does.
The arrest, the trench coats, the essay red-flagged by a teacher would have alarmed Sue Klebold had she realized how far out of the mainstream those things are. Parents must realize that they need to spend a day in their child's school (but not with their teen) to see what's usual and what's clearly not.
Parents have a data set of 2-3; as a teacher, I see about 1,000 kids a day walking the halls and in the cafeteria, etc. Even if I don't teach all of them, there are the ones who stand out, like the boy who wears makeup at my school (not a concern) and is so disruptive his mother is called to the school often (very much a concern). I see that this student's behavior is way out of the mainstream, but I'm not sure his mother does.
The arrest, the trench coats, the essay red-flagged by a teacher would have alarmed Sue Klebold had she realized how far out of the mainstream those things are. Parents must realize that they need to spend a day in their child's school (but not with their teen) to see what's usual and what's clearly not.
12
What is missing from this review is direct engagement of whether the parents will profit monetarily from the memoir. We must assume they will, since no statement is made to the contrary. Not addressing this issue is makes assessment of the ethics here incomplete.
2
I agree that it's a failing in the article. From Amazon: "All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues."
4
Sue Klebold did not commit a crime. She was, rather like the children who were murdered, a kind of incidental victim. Like the parents of the murdered, her life has been ruined by this crime. There is no law, legal or moral, against a victim profiting from a book about the incident that ruined her life.
16
I read in another review of the book that Mrs. Klebold is donating profits to mental health groups.
10
Mrs. Klebold, my heart goes out to you. I raised three sons, and all I can say is, there but for the grace of god go I. I hope that you find peace in your heart (I hope we all do).
47
It's not Sue Klebold's fault. We know, through psychological studies of twins, both identical and fraternal, that about 50-60% of the personality is attributable to genes. We don't know from where the other 40-50% arises, except that it is not from parental nurturing, i.e., the home life. Dylan Klebold has a brother who didn't kill himself and twelve others. Two kids can grow up in exactly the same environment and one turn out to be a serial killer and the other a prominent professional. It's not the parenting that makes the difference.
It's high time parents quit blaming themselves for their children's failures and congratulating themselves on their successes. By and large, success or failure is preordained when the DNA is knit together in the womb, a process that can yield any one of roughly 7 trillion unique configurations. All a parent really does is provide half the raw material used in the knitting. From there, whatever nurturing influences there are, the parent's aren't determinative.
It's high time parents quit blaming themselves for their children's failures and congratulating themselves on their successes. By and large, success or failure is preordained when the DNA is knit together in the womb, a process that can yield any one of roughly 7 trillion unique configurations. All a parent really does is provide half the raw material used in the knitting. From there, whatever nurturing influences there are, the parent's aren't determinative.
16
A great example of this would be the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski.
His very own brother figured out it was him and turned him into the FBI.
Two brothers raised in the same household, with the same parents who turned out to be extreme polar opposites.
His very own brother figured out it was him and turned him into the FBI.
Two brothers raised in the same household, with the same parents who turned out to be extreme polar opposites.
8
"Rich Man, Poor Man" with Peter Strauss and Nick Nolte was such a successful mini-series for the reasons you cite. Indeed, my cousin's 2 sons in a small NJ suburb are the same -- one a heroin-smoking burglar with at least 2 stints in jail, and rehab, and his brother a gym teacher and football coach and married parent at the local high school. From the same nurturing environment.
3
What seems to be missing from many of these conversations about Columbine is the concept of Evil. Yes, Dylan Klebold was depressed and Eric Harris was a psychopath, but they knowingly made evil plans and carried them out. They made a choice. They could have made different choices. This was their high school--they had friends there, people they knew. How could the parents, good people themselves, even contemplate such an evil possibility in their children? The only people responsible for what happened at Columbine were Eric and Dylan.
186
Harris was evil as you put it because he had no emotions and hated the world. Klebold met the wrong friend and was led down the dark path of Eric's mind. What I have learned is that we never really "know" those around us. Even our loved ones. Mental illness is very complex and many of us don't have the key to understanding the process. Or are too scared to face the reality of disturbance behind the mask presented to us.
5
Suicide is a frequent companion in demonic crimes, it gets one to Hell faster, where you can really enjoy your hero status among your own kind. Klebold and Harris were widely lauded on their arrival there, no doubt. No cold Coors for you two!
"Evil" & choice? Now we are really reifying the cultural mythology surrounding human behavior.
1
it's difficult to construct an accusation of negligence from a petty theft, a disturbing fiction and spates of irritability.
but then there's this: "i will always be available" to the parents of victims. well, they live where you do, why not call them up or write them a note to make the same offer? the fact that you do it through a book says volumes about your idea of intimate communication and the meaning of honesty.
but then there's this: "i will always be available" to the parents of victims. well, they live where you do, why not call them up or write them a note to make the same offer? the fact that you do it through a book says volumes about your idea of intimate communication and the meaning of honesty.
5
I watched her on the 20/20 special. She did send letters to all the families after the shootings. That says volumes about her openness and feelings towards the other families.
25
I think instead that writing directly to parents would be incredibly intrusive and completely inappropriate. The book is not directly addressed to them. They don't have to pick it up. If they choose to read it, then can do so whenever they are ready. By contrast, a letter would land in their mailbox and they'd have to sit there right then and there, like it or not, and wonder whether to open it and how to respond.
In addition, making herself available to the other parents is only one reason for reading the book. Another is to try and bring more pieces of information to people trying to prevent further tragedies like Columbine.
In addition, making herself available to the other parents is only one reason for reading the book. Another is to try and bring more pieces of information to people trying to prevent further tragedies like Columbine.
3
Perhaps Ms. Klebold did not want to intrude on the grieving families unannounced, preferring to give them the option of reaching out to her first if they wished to do so, and if they believed that the contact would give them answers. Her approach struck me as thoughtful and appropriate.
"He seemed like a normal teenager, so we thought he was okay." It works the other way too: the seeming asocial "weirdo" who you'd think would be a much safer bet to do something horrible like shooting up a school--or at the very least someone you wouldn't expect to see at the prom with an actual date--who ends up being a fine spouse and parent with a happy, productive life.
Thought for the day (to copy onto a post-it and place on your refrigerator): People are not always what they seem.
It's nice that the Klebolds shared sports pages and laughing at old movies. Those enjoyable activities aren't the best ways to get to know each other very deeply. "Normal" is very easy to fake. Take it from an asocial weirdo (albeit of a somewhat more benign nature).
Thought for the day (to copy onto a post-it and place on your refrigerator): People are not always what they seem.
It's nice that the Klebolds shared sports pages and laughing at old movies. Those enjoyable activities aren't the best ways to get to know each other very deeply. "Normal" is very easy to fake. Take it from an asocial weirdo (albeit of a somewhat more benign nature).
11
no parent can ever be at fault for the psychopathy of their offspring: true evil is rare, exhibits at any age and is not preventable
15
So the parents keep telling us.
4
Genetic researchers have indeed IDed the markers for sociopathy shared by most violent men in prison. It is just that those markers have yet to be honed down to less than @1000 in order to make use of preventive measures, as we do other birth defects. Science will get there. But will we have the courage to use that preventive tool as a society that genuflects to predatory males and imposes few limits on sociopathic male violence?
1
Gun do not kill but people do and I am surprised there is no discussion of the availability of firearms played in this tragedy either by the reader or by the author of this article.
12
In the US, talking about the availability of firearms as a catalyst for this kind of violence is like talking about the availability of water for fish to swim in. It hardly need be stated anymore, since it's an overwhelming fact of American life, where we are literally awash in firearms and a culture that worships guns as gods.
5
Humans are mammals, and like all mammals we have DNA, and we are ignoring the fact that for hundreds of thousands of years teenage boys were fighting and killing to ensure that their DNA would be passed on - just like every other mammal on the planet. It lives in all of us.
6
What kind of sense does this make? Really fighting to pass on their DNA?? The two murderers killed themselves after killing 16 innocent people - really? This is just normal adolescent male behavoor?
10
Actually, humans don't fight to pass on their DNA. They use sex to do that, and it's remarkably effective!
1
Violence IS normal adolescent male behavior. Who are the big men on campus? Football players. And football is just ritualized warfare.
However, if the young male in question has a head full of bad wiring, that natural aggression that originally served to win mates comes out twisted and pointed in the wrong direction.
However, if the young male in question has a head full of bad wiring, that natural aggression that originally served to win mates comes out twisted and pointed in the wrong direction.
1
Parents do not know what their children will grow up to be. They are not omniscient especially when children turn into teenagers. To pretend otherwise does a huge disservice to all parents, especially those who do care, who do try, and who, though they haven't got the time because of how things are nowadays, involve themselves in their children's lives. It's always easy to see things after they happen. Then the signs are unmistakable. Nothing has come out that says the parents were abusive, neglectful, overindulgent, or any number of other things that can harm a child. What does come out is that he hid a lot just like most adolescents. It's part of being a teen.
Once they are 16 or 17 they are on the edge of becoming adults. They understand much more than they did a few years ago. It's a wonderful and terrible place to be: still a child but almost an adult. Our society might help to alleviate some of the problems by giving teens a place rather than telling them they have all the time in the world. We could help them make that journey since we've lived through it. What made life easier for us as teens? What helped us understand that we would survive? How much adult supervision did we need or want and were the adults available? All too often the only things children hear are do it or don't do it. But they don't get solid feedback about themselves.
Once they are 16 or 17 they are on the edge of becoming adults. They understand much more than they did a few years ago. It's a wonderful and terrible place to be: still a child but almost an adult. Our society might help to alleviate some of the problems by giving teens a place rather than telling them they have all the time in the world. We could help them make that journey since we've lived through it. What made life easier for us as teens? What helped us understand that we would survive? How much adult supervision did we need or want and were the adults available? All too often the only things children hear are do it or don't do it. But they don't get solid feedback about themselves.
12
Many comments reflect two basic elements: 1. Selective almost willful amnesia about ever having been a teenager; and 2. Not having ever raised a teenager, whether you are the biological or adoptive parent.
Not surprisingly, the more insightful, lucid and compassionate comments posted reveal the absence of the above.
We humans are, well, "all too human." And developing human beings are precisely that: developing. If some readers want a mundane first-hand sampling of what our young people confront and survive through in our violent, misogynist, substance abusive society, just visit your local family court for a day. What many wish were not true is the fact that too many of our young people cry for attention, love, and often professional help. Notice I wrote "our" young people, because regardless of who are their progenitors they become ours, do they not?
Not surprisingly, the more insightful, lucid and compassionate comments posted reveal the absence of the above.
We humans are, well, "all too human." And developing human beings are precisely that: developing. If some readers want a mundane first-hand sampling of what our young people confront and survive through in our violent, misogynist, substance abusive society, just visit your local family court for a day. What many wish were not true is the fact that too many of our young people cry for attention, love, and often professional help. Notice I wrote "our" young people, because regardless of who are their progenitors they become ours, do they not?
26
Yes I do agree that our society is in many ways a mess and we are failing our children . I have worked with middle school and high school students for 25 years . There is a difference between a troubled adolescent who "has problems" and or depression thoughts of suicide vs. what klebold did - do you understand that he not only killed himself he Planned plotted and KILLED all of these innocent OTHER people at close range withNO empathy No feeling . This is WAY beyond normal adolescent struggles people. I would question what Dylan's infancy and early years were like. Because in my experience - this type of disconnect and lack of feeling for others often takes root in early childhood. How much was he held, touched, physically cuddled and attended to? Did he attach to and need a caregiver for the first 5 years of his life? Teens who have had proper nurturing in early childhood can weather the pressure of adolescent unpopularity, even bullying better than others and while they may hurt themselves- tend not to hurt or kill others . i have seen it time and time again. Was the primary caregiver depressed disconnected ,ill or unavailable? Again these two young men were beyond disconnected from their families,from others, from basic human feelings. This did not happen suddenly when they became teenagers. Something this drastic took root years before.
8
Ok get your point but most troubled adolescents do not murder on a mass scale- this is beyond adolescent difficulty. This is supreme disconnect from any human empathy.
3
Yet, his brother turned out fine. I highly doubt they held, touched, physically cuddled and attended to one and not the other.
4
Sue Klebold has my respect and sympathy.
I wonder if we'll ever hear from the parents of Eric Harris?
I wonder if we'll ever hear from the parents of Eric Harris?
11
Sorry but such a book seems self serving. An article in the Washington Post said that any "profits" not proceeds but "profits" would go to charity. Also that same article indicated the Klebold's had what sounded like very lax parenting standards. So many kids who have "mental illness" and or are doped up with Ritalin, etc. simply have parents that have refused to discipline their kids. It's had to rear a kid to become president, or win a noble prize or be an Olympic athlete, etc. Teaching kids manners and respect for others is quite simple. But again many parents don't / won't discipline or are afraid of stifling "creativity". Dylan and the other kid are the result of a lack or parenting / poor parenting. It's bizarre I see so much of parents (more often women won't discipline their kids.) Was in the store and a 3 or 4 boy was hitting hard his little sister and the numbskull mother is sweeting saying don't do that it's not nice. But the kid continued. That's the kid of kid that grows up to shoot up a high school.
7
Yeah, why stick to facts in this case when you can use this forum for your own vision of what life should be like.
32
You don't have to raise perfect children. Teach kids not to lie, steal, or kill is a pretty low bar.
2
Teaching morals won't do squat to cure a mental illness.
2
Our daughter had a very long and very troubled adolescence. In that time, we spent countless hours (not to mention hundreds of thousands of dollars) with a variety of therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, and doctors, to no avail. Throughout those horrible years, I constantly looked for the cause: Is it because she was adopted? Is it my fault because I worked outside the home instead of being a stay-at-home Mom? Were we too strict or too lenient? Is it because she has learning disabilities? Today, at the age of 38, my daughter is sober, sweet and loving, and has a job she loves. How that came about, I have no idea, but I know that just as I was not to blame for her negative actions, I cannot take credit for her remarkable re-invention. Parents have far less control over their children's lives than we think we do.
204
You loved her. Love gives us the strength to grow and change if we are able to. You can take credit for that.
12
BT: We had a very similar experience with our son who was diagnosed with Dyslexia when he was 8. Because of this disability, he had an almost uncontrollable anger. My husband and I spent much time in principal's offices, doctor's and psychologists offices. I was a stay at home Mom so I was able to devote the time to helping him, but believe me I was constantly looking for the cause and cure - I wanted a professional, any professional to tell me what I could do. The breaking point came when our son was seriously assaulted by a gang of thugs and we had to go through the dismal court system. But that assault seemed to turn him around. He is now 38, married with two sweet daughters. Fortunately, he has developed ways to deal with his anger. We are immensely proud of him, and he knows how much he is loved, which is the best we can do.
1
Read Mad In American by Roger Whitaker- a great read on the influence of medications on our youth, the side effects, as well as the horrible unintended consequences that other nations with a different health care system, do not endure. There are no easy answers and some of the answers are more lethal than what is supposedly being treated.
11
I watched Ms. Klebold on 20/20, and I respected that she did not attempt to blame anyone else for what Dylan did. She did not offer any excuses for what her son did. She didn't ask for pity, or even understanding. She was unflinching in her admission that the boy she loved and raised had become a mass murderer. She reminded the audience that she didn't kill anyone, Dylan did, but as his mother she accepts some blame for that and always will. She admitted that she and her husband missed some signs, but to be fair, prior to Columbine there had not been school shootings and no one knew what the signs were. If she had it to do again, she would not pass his moodiness off as normal adolescent behavior, she would search his room and his computer, she would talk to his teachers.
People are so quick to judge, and by doing so they miss the important lesson of Ms. Klebold's message, which it seems to me, is that parents must not assume that their kids are ok. They must not pass off questionable behaviors as normal adolescence. Parents must be willing to admit that their child might need help. They must not assume that this couldn't happen to them, because it very well can, and as we've seen all too often, it does. Sue Klebold is a lesson that disturbed kids come from all kinds of families, not just troubled ones. Rather than condemning Ms. Kelbold, other parents should be heeding the lesson we can all learn from her.
People are so quick to judge, and by doing so they miss the important lesson of Ms. Klebold's message, which it seems to me, is that parents must not assume that their kids are ok. They must not pass off questionable behaviors as normal adolescence. Parents must be willing to admit that their child might need help. They must not assume that this couldn't happen to them, because it very well can, and as we've seen all too often, it does. Sue Klebold is a lesson that disturbed kids come from all kinds of families, not just troubled ones. Rather than condemning Ms. Kelbold, other parents should be heeding the lesson we can all learn from her.
100
So well said. Sue Klebold is a brave, thoughtful woman who deserves our thanks. My hope is that her book may prevent another Columbine.
22
Unless you have walked through such a thing you can't say that if it were you the outcome would have been different. On January 11, 2015 exactly 6 days after my 40th birthday my daughter was shot & killed by her boyfriend while living in her apartment away at school in Kalamazoo, MI. She was 21 & so was he. My heart hurts for his mother, for that family. As I wrote last year there are no winners here. I asked that as others were praying for me & for my family that they also pray for his family. Yes I lost my only biological child that day & as much as I was suffering as much as it hurt I could not imagine what his mother must have felt. My daughter was no stranger to this family she was like family to them. On that day the suffered 2 losses the loss of my beautiful Jazz & the loss of their son.
It took a lot of courage for this mother to break her silence. It took bravery to speak after suffering silently for all of these years. My continued prayers for the families that were affected by such an awful tragedy.
It took a lot of courage for this mother to break her silence. It took bravery to speak after suffering silently for all of these years. My continued prayers for the families that were affected by such an awful tragedy.
122
My condolences for your loss of your daughter. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Take care.
8
Amen.
1
I am so sorry for your loss. I admire that you can make this type of measured comment so soon after your daughter's death. May she RIP.
1
If you read any of Dylan Klebold's manic writings, instead of his mom's measured, logical grief, you'll see how even in his suffering, how vain and narcissistic he was, as though he was the victim of the world. Perhaps this speaks to how we raise American children, as though they were the center of the world. It's the parents' duty to give perspective and insight into a child's very narrow world. I'll give you an example: A dad told me his son's bike was stolen. His son was crestfallen, livid and felt totally victimized. Instead of simply buying a new bike for his son, his dad drove him to some of his town's worst neighborhoods and gave his son some perspective on loss.
218
Sigh.
They need to be the misunderstood, vain center of the universe in order to keep themselves alive. For thousands of years, most 17 year olds were not strapped to a desk 7 hours a day; they were doing physical labor and interacting in a potentially dangerous world where they were the weaker members. Teen behaviors are the result of thousands of years of natural selection, you know.
And the kid with the bike will grow up to tell his kids that when his bike was stolen, instead of understanding, his parent made him feel guilty for being upset by dragging him to a poor neighborhood so they didn't have to help him work through his feelings. That's lazy parenting.
They need to be the misunderstood, vain center of the universe in order to keep themselves alive. For thousands of years, most 17 year olds were not strapped to a desk 7 hours a day; they were doing physical labor and interacting in a potentially dangerous world where they were the weaker members. Teen behaviors are the result of thousands of years of natural selection, you know.
And the kid with the bike will grow up to tell his kids that when his bike was stolen, instead of understanding, his parent made him feel guilty for being upset by dragging him to a poor neighborhood so they didn't have to help him work through his feelings. That's lazy parenting.
21
Exploitation of the worst kind. Poor people are not museum displays. We all must learn to be respectful of one another regardless of circumstance.
12
However we raise children, 99.99999999% of them are not mass murderers. Something else was going on in Dylan Klebold's case, and probably would have been no matter how he was raised.
4
Amazing how she confirms that Eric Harris had been put on medication, but -- like so many observers of mass murders committed by the young -- doesn't seem to wonder if the medication played a role in the subsequent homicidal behavior.
5
And maybe he needed *more* medication because his dose was ineffective. He went on the meds because he had a mental illness in the first place
A lot of these mass murderers had some signs of disturbance. Because of that, they took medication. It does not follow that the medication triggered the murders. You'd need a whole lot more information to sift that out.
A lot of these mass murderers had some signs of disturbance. Because of that, they took medication. It does not follow that the medication triggered the murders. You'd need a whole lot more information to sift that out.
A heart-rending story, and clearly a complex situation, in that the unhappy young man had apparently come under the influence of a peer who was even sicker.
16
Wow -- the bravery it took to journey deep into all this unbearable pain -this woman deserves our utmost empathy and her loss is as much as any of the parents who lost a child (and of course worse, because her child was the killer). This isn't the situation where the family kept weapons where a unstable teen could get them. He was able to obtain them without his parents knowledge thanks to our lax gun laws. I don't blame this family one iota. This was the fist mass school shooting and there was no reason for her to think her son would kill other kids. There are plenty of teens who are depressed, angry, watch dark video games, say odd things - and before Columbine, who thought that meant they were going to go on a rampage and kill people? Her son had a mental illness. Again, they did not keep guns. That is not on them. There is only so much control one has of teenagers. However, a lot more control of how people can get weapons would have made all the difference.
787
The inanimate object is not to blame for their murderous impulse. It is, however, responsible for the the size of the body count.
As to alternatives, knives are much less lethal on large groups of young adults. It takes more knowledge, skill and planning to make a *functional* pipe bomb than most people can manage, as the San Bernardino shooters discovered. Guns are a cinch by comparison.
As to alternatives, knives are much less lethal on large groups of young adults. It takes more knowledge, skill and planning to make a *functional* pipe bomb than most people can manage, as the San Bernardino shooters discovered. Guns are a cinch by comparison.
2
If either of my children became a murderer, or even an alcoholic or drug addict, I would know that I had failed them. It would be my fault and I would do everything possible to rectify my failure, yet the majority of people here, many of whom are parents themselves, insist these things just somehow 'happen'.
It is always parents who insist it is not their fault who are the guilty ones. They have been at fault since their children were young, when they first started making excuses for unacceptable behavior.
Every friend, family, and teacher has seen it, yet the litany of excuses never ends.
It is always parents who insist it is not their fault who are the guilty ones. They have been at fault since their children were young, when they first started making excuses for unacceptable behavior.
Every friend, family, and teacher has seen it, yet the litany of excuses never ends.
1
When juveniles commit crimes, why aren't the parents held accountable?
5
How blessed we are as a nation that we don't have you as a lawmaker?
Do you have teenaged kids?
Do you have teenaged kids?
43
Sometimes, it isn't caused by parental negligence. A lot of mental illness is hidden; even the professionals can't predict who will become violent. This kind of blame is a way of reassuring yourself that something like this could never happen to *you*. In truth, none of us is exempt from misfortune.
5
This mother never saw it coming because her son and his cohort were planning a highly premeditated mass murder that apparently relied on a complete vow of secrecy between the perpetrators. From what I understand of this incident, they mercilessly intended to destroy as much human life as possible , thrusting countless innocent people into perhaps a lifetime of attempting to understand the how and the why. These two were savage criminals, and really nothing more; once we grasp this concept we can do the important business of forgetting about them.
6
Just because I bore these children doesn't mean I make all their decisions for them all through their lives or know everything they are feeling. They are a combination of genes from two people. We know how we feel ourselves living life from our own experiences. Anyone one ever thinking I as a Mother should have known or suspected never was a parent. Every child could be taught all the same things and still go in different directions. That what is called having a mind of your own.
You can't defend something you didn't see coming. Ms Klelbold is trying to live the rest of her life hoping to help others not to have to live this nightmare. Thank you. It has taken great courage. None of us would want to live the rest of our lives like you have. You are a very strong person.
You can't defend something you didn't see coming. Ms Klelbold is trying to live the rest of her life hoping to help others not to have to live this nightmare. Thank you. It has taken great courage. None of us would want to live the rest of our lives like you have. You are a very strong person.
425
Miss ABC has it right---the availability of guns!!!!
This book was promoted on ABC, and later in several, or more, interviews. It tells those following the story very little. The TV interview ignored the bullying by jocks at Columbine. Some claim that led to the killings. Nor is any attempt made to explain why sheriff's deputies did not act on warnings and prevent the massacre.
3
Mrs Klebold's purpose in writing this story was not to point fingers at the victims. She wants to reach out to the grieving families with the answers they sought from her about her parenting. The author of this article laid that out plainly by describing the angry father's letter, and explaining how Mrs Klebold highlights that letter in the book. She was careful not to critique the letter, though. The families are still grieving, and insight into the home life may be an opportunity to help them grieve. Let's not vilify Mrs Klebold for speaking up. We need her insight in order to help others and prevent similar tragedies.
Also lets not assume she using profits for personal gains.
Also lets not assume she using profits for personal gains.
11
Both young men were popular. Teens peel off into identifiable groups in every school, large or small, pubic or private. It is the job of parents who bring offspring into the world to civilize those seedlings and insure they do not harm innocent others. It is not the job of law enforcement or society to do this for parents who botch their job or who produce mental defectives. Police, teachers, neighbors and even extended family are reactive. The only proactive influences are a boy's parents.
2
I do understand this woman committed no crime. But isn't there a law that says perpetrators cannot profit off their crimes? But, relatives can though, in the form of selling books?
2
On the book's website it states, "All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues."
3
She's donating all of the proceeds to charity to research mental illness. Also there is a Son of Sam law in which the convicted cannot profit from the crime.
7
Klebold has stated the profits from book sales will be donated to charitable foundations focused on mental health issues.
8
Easy access to guns are to blame for this tragedy.
36
All this talk of mental illness and parenting is a red herring. I don't care how great of a parent you are, you can never foresee this type of atrocity. And even if you can, there is nothing you can do -- in this country we are not allowed to detain someone for possible future crimes.
The issue is, has always been -- accessibility of guns.
The issue is, has always been -- accessibility of guns.
1334
Sorry. You are wrong. In this country, you are allowed to be detained for possible future crimes. If they think you are up to something and gather circumstantial evidence against you, they can take it to a willing judge and prosecute you for it----even if you are innocent of actually doing anything wrong. The only thing they have to prove is intent. If you have enough money and willing to take the risk, you can fight them in court and they may back off. But it happens. People get prosecuted this way in America.
2
And pipes. Evil, evil pipes.
Agreed on the accessibility of guns, but disagree that you can't recognize the ingredients that, added to mental illness, can form the substrate for a mass killing such as Columbine.
Nancy Lanza paid the price for not foreseeing that in her son, and those in Newtown who had contact with the Lanza family should have recognized that her son Adam's mental illness + his mother's gun fetish = big trouble.
The problem was, it is considered her right to nurture a gun fetish under the same roof as Adam's mental illness.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Nancy Lanza paid the price for not foreseeing that in her son, and those in Newtown who had contact with the Lanza family should have recognized that her son Adam's mental illness + his mother's gun fetish = big trouble.
The problem was, it is considered her right to nurture a gun fetish under the same roof as Adam's mental illness.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
2
I have compassion for a mother in that situation.
I read the comments about how she should have done this or that to prevent the situation. But that reeks of judgment.
No parent is perfect. And no parent would want this to happen. This is simply a tragic situation in which this parent suffered greatly.
I read the comments about how she should have done this or that to prevent the situation. But that reeks of judgment.
No parent is perfect. And no parent would want this to happen. This is simply a tragic situation in which this parent suffered greatly.
14
What's wrong with "judgment"? If we can't judge, are we still human?
6
Human, yes. Humane, no.
>
We don't truly know ourselves, how can me be expected to truly know someone else?
We don't truly know ourselves, how can me be expected to truly know someone else?
11
Most of us "good" parents think we know what's going on in our child's mind, but we really don't. Being close to your child sometimes exacerbates the problem. My perfect child went through a serious mental illness in college and hid so much of it from us because he didn't want to hurt us. People judging the Klebolds should accompany me to a NAMI support group meeting for families of mentally ill young people. You will hear many stories of good parents of good kids whose world was torn apart. Thank you for sharing your story, Sue.
552
Indeed thank you. The idea that some of these American parents can interrupt solve every problem by hovering over little Jimmy and Little Jenny?
They are delusional.
Americans believe they can protect themselves from eventualities by not involving themselves in the same causal behaviours... the eventualities here are called life, and dearest parents, no one can prepare for all of that.
If you are lucky enough to avoid mental illness in trouble in your teens count yourself lucky, as opposed to moral smugness.
They are delusional.
Americans believe they can protect themselves from eventualities by not involving themselves in the same causal behaviours... the eventualities here are called life, and dearest parents, no one can prepare for all of that.
If you are lucky enough to avoid mental illness in trouble in your teens count yourself lucky, as opposed to moral smugness.
1
As an educator, this terrifies me. I face 100 students a week, and the odds are something is wrong somewhere. I’ve seen blatant evidence (just this week, a paper about suicide that I had to report, nothing spelled out in that paper and even the pros are saying they’ll just watch for now) and I’ve seen more abstract moments, not unlike the “bye” from Dylan. Last term I saw a student’s eyes turn dark with anger when I told him he’d have to do redo a paper, even with my help. Thankfully there a far more healthy students than ill, but how on earth did any of these kids become so dangerous? What’s wrong with the environment that the young can’t grow up healthy? I am terrified of Klebold’s book because I think she will confirm what I sense, that the dangerous one’s don’t reveal themselves easily. If she reads these columns, I’d just say “forgive yourself”. This is a force beyond one parent. It really takes a village. And if you look at our political life, we are no village.
86
Looks to me like you are looking for reasons to be "terrified." You use that word twice to describe your reaction. Look within for the solution to that.
Fred - Thanks for the insight but I'm fairly confident it's a case of bad writing vs. looking for reasons to be scared. I like my (college) students. However, times have definitely changed and I do tread more carefully when it comes to bearing bad news to students. I know professors who don’t even assign personal reflection papers anymore because they just don’t want to deal with what they might get. It's a different world in classrooms and I’d guess anyone teaching pre- and post-Columbine would vouch for that. But all that said, looking within is good advice, always.
2
If you have not read it, you just must. Advice from one teacher to another.
1
From what I can infer from this review, it seems like more of the emotional burden is placed on her shoulders than her husband's. Whether this is her doing, or society's,
or a combination of the two, I think more empathy is in order. For anyone who has had someone in their life suffering from mental illness, reaching them can feel impossible. And forcing someone into therapy rarely yields truly meaningful change, people must want to get better.
I feel that she might be in the worst position of all- she lost her son but got ho sympathy for it, she is the mother of a mass murderer and she is the target for anger that should be directed at her son. She has shown a courage by making herself available to the victims' families.
or a combination of the two, I think more empathy is in order. For anyone who has had someone in their life suffering from mental illness, reaching them can feel impossible. And forcing someone into therapy rarely yields truly meaningful change, people must want to get better.
I feel that she might be in the worst position of all- she lost her son but got ho sympathy for it, she is the mother of a mass murderer and she is the target for anger that should be directed at her son. She has shown a courage by making herself available to the victims' families.
22
I read elsewhere they are now divorced.
1
We are all fragile creatures; at times, we exhibit more strength and resilience than anyone would have expected. It appears to me that Dylan and his mother are examples of just that. I recall when visiting my sister after her now 18 year old daughter was born how exhausted she was from lack of sleep. Her baby, who was later diagnosed with a delay in sensory integration which resolved itself after more than a year. My sister remarked to me when we talked of her daughter's inability to sleep more than two hours at a time and her frequent fits of screaming, that she could understand at times how parents break under the pressure and abuse their children. My sister was more than simply resilient; she was a trained social worker who specialized in home health for new mothers and infants and had easy access to resources to help her cope, diagnose the problem and intervene. As a person who struggled with depression myself during my teens and most of my 20s, I can honestly say that Klebold's and Harris's horrific fantasies only shock me in that they actually carried them out. What surprises me more is that so few of us can admit that some part of us have ever shared them.
15
So true, Karen. I had a very high risk pregnancy and delivery and a post-partum marked by imy many nfections and a baby who failed to thrive. I came very close to hitting him when he was screaming. Luckily I lived in a row house and placed him in his crib on the second floor and went to the basement until I felt safe to go back upstairs. Fast forward to his teen years when some of his behavior --not dark or strange just adolescent- brought me very close to getting physical.
I truly believe that we do not know what goes on in people's homes and relationships. I take with a " grain of salt " those friends who say they have found the love of their lives and rarely, if ever, fight. I also know I can never know my loved ones completely. My young adult child is off on his own. I pray that he is OK. But it am not with him daily as when he was a teen. That daily contact ended after high school when he went off to college.
My parents, though, saw more of me because I lived at home during college and grad school. And though I got into no outside trouble, I was a daughter who could rage at home. My sibs and I are now good friends but had anyone tuned in on those fights they might have thought one or more of us would end up on the evening news.
I truly believe that we do not know what goes on in people's homes and relationships. I take with a " grain of salt " those friends who say they have found the love of their lives and rarely, if ever, fight. I also know I can never know my loved ones completely. My young adult child is off on his own. I pray that he is OK. But it am not with him daily as when he was a teen. That daily contact ended after high school when he went off to college.
My parents, though, saw more of me because I lived at home during college and grad school. And though I got into no outside trouble, I was a daughter who could rage at home. My sibs and I are now good friends but had anyone tuned in on those fights they might have thought one or more of us would end up on the evening news.
1
How will these parents use any profit made by this book? Don't get it. What is the point of this book?
1
They won't. From Amazon: "All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues."
4
Sue Klebold's publisher states: Klebold will donate the profits from her book to charities devoted to mental health issues.
It would be helpful for the NYT to include this in this review of her book.
It would be a source of negative judgement to believe that she is financially benefitting from her book.
It would be helpful for the NYT to include this in this review of her book.
It would be a source of negative judgement to believe that she is financially benefitting from her book.
9
I think I read that the profits will go to organizations working with the mentally ill.
1
As a teacher, I see teens among their peers for 7 hours a day. Some of them act very differently in front of their parents (at conferences, for example), and parents aren't seeing that side of their child.
I don't blame the Klebolds. I think they, like many parents, missed or excused signs of their child's emotional distress. And the fact that the boys chose not to make the pipe bombs at the Klebold house shows the boys knew it wasn't an "anything goes" zone. She should recognize that.
Regardless, all parents of teens would do well to spend a day at their child's school. Define the ecosystem, the context. Attend classes taught by your child's teachers, but don't go the same period your child has that teacher. Pay attention to the other kids--to the dynamics. Don't eat lunch with your teen, but observe what goes on in the cafeteria.
Get the lay of the land, note which kids have the most confidence, note what most kids wear, etc. Ask teachers about your child's social behaviors: quiet in class, confident, liked, funny, talkative, etc. If your child is not mainstream, that's okay, but recognize the social costs to them and help them navigate their world until graduation.
Klebold says that she saw some signs, but didn't know how to "decode" them.
The black trench coats, the arrest, the writing assignment, the vandalism--all would probably have jumped out at her and alarmed her deeply had she seen them in comparison to all the other kids.
I don't blame the Klebolds. I think they, like many parents, missed or excused signs of their child's emotional distress. And the fact that the boys chose not to make the pipe bombs at the Klebold house shows the boys knew it wasn't an "anything goes" zone. She should recognize that.
Regardless, all parents of teens would do well to spend a day at their child's school. Define the ecosystem, the context. Attend classes taught by your child's teachers, but don't go the same period your child has that teacher. Pay attention to the other kids--to the dynamics. Don't eat lunch with your teen, but observe what goes on in the cafeteria.
Get the lay of the land, note which kids have the most confidence, note what most kids wear, etc. Ask teachers about your child's social behaviors: quiet in class, confident, liked, funny, talkative, etc. If your child is not mainstream, that's okay, but recognize the social costs to them and help them navigate their world until graduation.
Klebold says that she saw some signs, but didn't know how to "decode" them.
The black trench coats, the arrest, the writing assignment, the vandalism--all would probably have jumped out at her and alarmed her deeply had she seen them in comparison to all the other kids.
245
Excellent advice.
2
The shift to middle school from elementary is huge. I continued to help out in my sons' classes all the way through 5th grade for just the reason the above reader suggests. To see how my kids were alike and different from their classroom peers. When my oldest started middle school I lost that weekly opportunity. However, I have made myself available to his teachers to help out for various events; a hike with the PE class or building catapults in history class. It is shocking how differently the children react to you at this age. Mostly they ignore you and you find yourself thinking some child is "the nicest kid" because he politely said hello to you. The above reader's suggestions are great and I plan to continue my forays into each of my sons' schools as long as I can.
4
Hmm. I'm not sure helicopter "fitting in coach" is parenting.
Let me tell you how little help and counselling is available for a white working-in-private-sector man's family. None.
71
Here in Oregon, at least and maybe in your state, counseling is covered by health insurance. I hope you and your family have coverage.
4
Have you contacted the state health department or the National Alliance on Mental Illness or the school social worker or guidance counselor?
I see these kinds of comments all the time but never that they searched for advocacy organizations that can help them to find affordable mental health care.
I see these kinds of comments all the time but never that they searched for advocacy organizations that can help them to find affordable mental health care.
1
You know what? That's a shame, a national tragedy.
It can be fixed, but only if people think real hard about how they vote.
White working class voters are suffering, even mortality is increasing.
This is preventable but not by supporting people who don't need help (corporations and rich people) and politicians who make a living trying to make sure their fellow Americans DON'T get the safety nets we need and deserve.
It can be fixed, but only if people think real hard about how they vote.
White working class voters are suffering, even mortality is increasing.
This is preventable but not by supporting people who don't need help (corporations and rich people) and politicians who make a living trying to make sure their fellow Americans DON'T get the safety nets we need and deserve.
2
I'm sure the writing of this book was a cathartic experience for Sue Klebold. If only she'd made a similar investment of time and focus on her son, the outcome might have been different. Did you not notice the ammo stockpiled in your garage? Or that he was spending an inordinate amount of time on dark and violent video games holed up in his room? Don't put this all on adolescent psyches. You were the adult in the house were you not?
15
Shame on you. You spout ignorant, stereotypical, intellectually-bankrupt cliches. (For example, there is no established correlation between watching "violent video games" and violent acts. I despise them myself, but I am not going to blame her son's action on her "negligence" with regard to his "inordinate" time spent watching them. Tell us - how many hours, exactly, did he watch? Where would you draw the line professor?). Did you even take the time to read the book? There but for the grace of God go you. Shame on you.
15
Careful. You sound very naive about family and life. If you have made it through your life and are approaching your end of days with "perfect" children get down on your knees and thank God. Remember the adage, "There but for the grace of God go I."
22
I think you've missed the point of the book, and surely you are overlooking the key idea that is being pointed out by the author: that this can happen to anyone and that it's too easy to look backward and see the signs that something is wrong. "I would have acted," too many people say. This is what you're saying. And, by the way, to my knowledge there was no ammo stockpiled in their garage? But, if so, how often to you regularly tear apart your home looking for suspicious packages?
15
Many people need someone to blame. They require a designated bad person who was at fault. My view is that this says a lot about the people who need to blame. There is not always someone at fault or to be blamed. I've heard of way too many instances of people, teens or adults, being very capable of hiding the severity of their problems, that even their family is not able to see it. Furthermore, you CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE CHANGE. It is up to them. All the shrinks, drugs and programs in the world cannot force change. So before you judge, take into consideration that you have not been in that person's shoes and probably have no personal experience with having been in their situation. With the advent of comment opportunities we have become a country of know-it-alls ready to pounce on someone who had the guts to share their experiences and pain.
224
From beginning to the end, this is a fine comment. Thanks.
13
Well said.
10
What you call blame is responsibility. The guns did not magically float to school and kill the students. Klebold and his accomplice committed the murders. And Kelbold and his accomplished grew up without any sense of right and wrong If one identifies the people responsible then maybe the actions can be identified and society can learn from it.
3
"There by the grace of God go I". Some 35 yrs ago my younger brother entered adolescence with a silent, angry, isolated sneer. For several years he was this way - struggling with academics and being a less-than-ideal son to my parents. They chalked it up to a "phase". Fortunately he somehow came out of it and became a pretty great man. How do ordinary people determine what is typical teen hormonal behaviour and something drastically more? My heart goes out to Ms. Klebold and to those families her son altered forever. Victims all.
903
I agree, it can be difficult to separate typical teen hormonal behavior from something much more serious. In reading the article and others about Klebold's book, I can't help but think that things may have turned out differently if Dylan and Eric, 17 year olds, hadn't been easily able to purchase weapons w/o any sort of background check from private dealers at a gun show. A depressed, perhaps mentally ill teen can be a danger to himself and others. Arm him and the picture only gets worse.
30
You are so correct all are victims. On January 11, 2015 exactly 6 days after my 40th birthday my daughter was shot & killed by her boyfriend while living in her apartment away at school in Kalamazoo, MI. She was 21 & so was he. My heart hurts for his mother, for that family. As I wrote last year there are no winners here. My continued prayers for the families that were affected by such an awful tragedy.
14
Kledbold's parents are not victims. If anything Dylan Klebold is a victim of his parents.
3
We need a stronger adjective than "anguish" to describe what Ms. Klebold has gone through. Very well written review.
84
Obviously my heart goes out to all the families involved in Columbine. I had a baby girl a month after Columbine and a son two years after that. I worry about my son. Could he be the next Dylan Klebold? I'm divorced from his father and he lashes out in anger at his absentee father. He's sullen. He sleeps a lot and plays video games. On the other hand he has friends, plays sports, gets good grades, is polite, and is adored by his sister and me. How much of his behavior is "normal" teen angst? Can my love fill whatever emptiness is in him? I have no idea. Truly, there are no answers.
681
Go to his school. Don't go with him or walk around with him, but go and see how the other kids act, what they wear, if they differ from your son. Sit in classes taught by his same teachers.
Ask his teachers how he compares socially and academically. Tell them to be brutally honest if necessary.
After that investment of time and focus, you will be better equipped to decide what's needed. Most teen boys, though, don't want "love," they want social, athletic and academic success that you can never provide. But you can help them get from A to B once you see the lay of the land.
Ask his teachers how he compares socially and academically. Tell them to be brutally honest if necessary.
After that investment of time and focus, you will be better equipped to decide what's needed. Most teen boys, though, don't want "love," they want social, athletic and academic success that you can never provide. But you can help them get from A to B once you see the lay of the land.
13
many, many boys do what your son does. Not likely he will, eventually, turn out normal.
Sarah--you are so right. I had a wonderful mother--like you-- who worried over me all the time. When I went away to college she breathed a sigh of relief that I had "never given her any trouble."
It seems a shame that parents have to go through life often on a wing and a prayer. But we are only expected to do our best. You're right. No one has all the answers.
It seems a shame that parents have to go through life often on a wing and a prayer. But we are only expected to do our best. You're right. No one has all the answers.
2
I don't say this specifically about Sue Kelbold, since I haven't read the book and don't know enough about her, but about parents in general. It always struck me when my kids were in middle and high school that there were always those parents, often kind and attentive, who didn't know their own children despite their obvious belief that they did. They often were the ones who fussed the most over their children, but missed pretty obvious signs of problems. Among my children's friends there was the girl who was a consistent liar, forever coming up with completely false stories - her dad was dying of cancer, she was going to move to California to live with her aunt, her grandmother had just died, her father was a multi-millionaire, etc - that she hoped would get her sympathy and fame. This girl went as far as hobbling around with a cane for a whole semester when there was nothing wrong with her. Maybe her mother was aware of all this and didn't want to admit it. I didn't know her all that well. But I don't think so. Such children are very good at compartmentalizing and such parents might not be as perceptive or as helpful as they think. They see the child from the outside but don't have a clue about what is actually motivating him or her, why they are the way they are.
151
Sure there are. But a kid who makes up stories or even outright lies, in order to get attention has a serious problem, but it does not follow that they are MASS MURDERERS.
There isn't all that much parents can do anyways. Counseling? medication? Eric Harris got all that, and he was the instigator of the violence.
A teenage boy who has dark thoughts, and watches violent video games? You just described about 50% of all teenage boys.
There isn't all that much parents can do anyways. Counseling? medication? Eric Harris got all that, and he was the instigator of the violence.
A teenage boy who has dark thoughts, and watches violent video games? You just described about 50% of all teenage boys.
16
Your comment is full of irony. No parent or person, no matter how astute, can know exactly what is going on in someone else's mind. Not even you. Do you really think you knew what your children were doing with their friends when out of your sight, much less what they were thinking as they sat across the dinner table from you? Do you know what the troubled girl's mother was thinking, or how her family was trying to address her daughter's needs?
The irony is that you judge others for not knowing, thus exposing how little you, yourself, understand.
The irony is that you judge others for not knowing, thus exposing how little you, yourself, understand.
24
How can you say things like this about people you admittedly don't even know? We have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, what kinds of battles families are fighting. In my experience as a high school teacher and parent, what you see on the outside does not give you much information at all about what's happening on the inside.
If your life is perfect and your kids are perfect you are lucky. Now you have the headspace to develop some emotional intelligence and compassion.
If your life is perfect and your kids are perfect you are lucky. Now you have the headspace to develop some emotional intelligence and compassion.
18
I have always from a distance felt sympathy for the Klebolds, who also lost a child but in a yet more horrible way. Mental illness can be deeply hidden. Why should the parents have recognized something that was hidden from all his teachers and his friends and the kids at school? My father was seriously mentally ill, but this was unrecognized by his family and by my mother who married him at the age of 23 and quickly recognized that something was wrong but not quite how wrong.
37
Who profits from this book? I would hope the Klebold family doesn't earn a dime from the crimes of their son.
3
According to the publisher, Crown Books, author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable foundations focusing on mental health issues.
27
It's weird that the review doesn't seem to include the note that Klebold is donating all profits.
Or maybe I just missed it.
But other sources have clearly stated that she's donating the profits.
Or maybe I just missed it.
But other sources have clearly stated that she's donating the profits.
37
I saw the interview on TV last weekend -
book profits will be donated to research and to charitable mental health organizations.
book profits will be donated to research and to charitable mental health organizations.
18
We need to do more to identify and isolate psychopaths in our society. Eric Harris should have been removed from Columbine.
19
Before the shooting, it would have been very hard to label Eric Harris as a "psychopath". He was a troubled kid, BUT he was getting professional help and medication.
If you start tossing out of school all children who do not conform -- all depressed kids -- anyone you remotely think MIGHT have a problem, someday -- you are going to empty the schools of about 1/3rd to 1/2 of all teenagers.
If you start tossing out of school all children who do not conform -- all depressed kids -- anyone you remotely think MIGHT have a problem, someday -- you are going to empty the schools of about 1/3rd to 1/2 of all teenagers.
15
While Columbine may have opened the Pandora's Box to the incestuous relationship that exists between wanton gun violence and mental illness in this country, Sue Klebold's "mea culpa" will do little to staunch the stacking of victims of these tragedies like so many cords of wood. And there in lies the pathos to all this; our country's response to this epidemic of gun violence has been either a lot of hand wringing and holding of candlelight vigils or blathering on incessantly about our 2nd Amendment rights. At the end of the day and after so much bloodshed we still haven't addressed this crisis with any degree of certainty or commitment. Lots of "hot air" but nothing substantive. I won't be reading "A Mother's Reckoning" because I see it as just more of the problem than part of the solution.
18
In what way is it "just more of the problem"? While guns are certainly part of the problem, so is mental illness and the tragic acts that sometimes result from it. This book just may help some people who are dealing with issues among their own loved ones.
I remember being at the funeral of a teenage suicide, a girl I had known since she was a baby. At the funeral, all of her friends (and she had many) were invited to come to the microphone and say something about my girlfriend's beloved daughter. Time and again young people stood up and said, "She was always so happy, always smiling!"
All I could think of was, no she wasn't. Someone who is happy, doesn't throw the deadbolt on the front door and hang herself. All of us merely mortal mothers looked at her mother, crumpled in grief, the woman we had all said was the best mother among us and wondered what was in store for us mere mortals in these the teenage years. Years later, I still have no answers and subsequently there have been other suicides, other tragedies. I am grateful that none have fallen on my family, but I don't attribute that to me or my children's father. I have seen children raised by good parents and bad, I myself came from a family background that was completely dysfunctional and I survived.
Sue Klebold is brave indeed, but anyone who has lived through the teenage years, can only hope that their children survive. I can only say one thing, that I regularly tossed my kids rooms and made certain nothing was private. I also kept them on a strict computer schedule and encouraged sports. We are all just trying to do our best and there but for the grace of God go I.
All I could think of was, no she wasn't. Someone who is happy, doesn't throw the deadbolt on the front door and hang herself. All of us merely mortal mothers looked at her mother, crumpled in grief, the woman we had all said was the best mother among us and wondered what was in store for us mere mortals in these the teenage years. Years later, I still have no answers and subsequently there have been other suicides, other tragedies. I am grateful that none have fallen on my family, but I don't attribute that to me or my children's father. I have seen children raised by good parents and bad, I myself came from a family background that was completely dysfunctional and I survived.
Sue Klebold is brave indeed, but anyone who has lived through the teenage years, can only hope that their children survive. I can only say one thing, that I regularly tossed my kids rooms and made certain nothing was private. I also kept them on a strict computer schedule and encouraged sports. We are all just trying to do our best and there but for the grace of God go I.
182
I have noticed that same thing, so it isn't just that one girl who hung herself. The common perception is that if you kill yourself, beforehand you are obviously sad, weepy, depressed, etc. is a stereotype and not always or often true.
The most depressed people keep a "happy mask on", to avoid others asking embarrassing questions, or perhaps because they want so badly to BE happy. They may be fighting their depression with everything at their disposal. It is not easy to spot this, and even if you do, it is very difficult to treat.
The most depressed people keep a "happy mask on", to avoid others asking embarrassing questions, or perhaps because they want so badly to BE happy. They may be fighting their depression with everything at their disposal. It is not easy to spot this, and even if you do, it is very difficult to treat.
15
Very well stated. One of the things I said to my family in January of 2015 when I lost my only biological child to the hands of her boyfriend who shot her was,"Our children don't tell us everything." The young man came from a good family, mother and father married. Father had his own business, grandfathers & uncles were clergymen.
Keep moving in the right direction doing what parents should do & pray for continued guidance.
Keep moving in the right direction doing what parents should do & pray for continued guidance.
16
I knew a wonderful young girl who hanged herself.
She was gay, in-the-closet to her strictly Catholic by-the-book homophobic parents, and had recently broken up with her girlfriend.
Unfortunately, her suicidal path followed a horribly common pattern.
I include this comment as a reminder to everybody that cares about teenagers.
And as a tribute to the wonderful young girl who is gone.
http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth.htm
She was gay, in-the-closet to her strictly Catholic by-the-book homophobic parents, and had recently broken up with her girlfriend.
Unfortunately, her suicidal path followed a horribly common pattern.
I include this comment as a reminder to everybody that cares about teenagers.
And as a tribute to the wonderful young girl who is gone.
http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth.htm
2
I understand her need to purge her guilt (unwarranted or not), I just question the timing. Why now? Nearly 17 years later, she now offers the parents a chance to correspond with her? And why write a book? Why not an interview, or a private letter to the parents of the victims, or to the victims who were wounded? Hopefully, she's donating the profits of her book sales, especially at $28 a pop.
I get mental illness, I've lived it, I've been suicidal myself, and it's something that is always there in the back of your mind, no matter how "okay" or "happy" you seem. But, to say Dylan had a "brain illness" and Eric was a psychopathic, just sounds naive and ridiculous. They were both psychopathic. If you're suicidal, you kill yourself. Only a psychopath would dream up, methodically plan, and even write stories about killing innocent people in a rampage.
Just as she says, Eric's parents tried therapy and medication, that did nothing to silence the evil within him. I just don't see how this book is going to do anything but stir up a tragedy already engrained in America's psyche. It's like the Nicole Brown Simpson/Ronald Goldman murders, or the Tate/LaBianca murders, or 9/11. All horrible tragedies that keep getting brought up time and time again over the years without necessity.
I pray for her. Unfortunately, there's no rhyme or reason to senseless tragedies, and there's really no insight Mrs. Klebold can offer that she hadn't already done in her open letter a few years ago.
I get mental illness, I've lived it, I've been suicidal myself, and it's something that is always there in the back of your mind, no matter how "okay" or "happy" you seem. But, to say Dylan had a "brain illness" and Eric was a psychopathic, just sounds naive and ridiculous. They were both psychopathic. If you're suicidal, you kill yourself. Only a psychopath would dream up, methodically plan, and even write stories about killing innocent people in a rampage.
Just as she says, Eric's parents tried therapy and medication, that did nothing to silence the evil within him. I just don't see how this book is going to do anything but stir up a tragedy already engrained in America's psyche. It's like the Nicole Brown Simpson/Ronald Goldman murders, or the Tate/LaBianca murders, or 9/11. All horrible tragedies that keep getting brought up time and time again over the years without necessity.
I pray for her. Unfortunately, there's no rhyme or reason to senseless tragedies, and there's really no insight Mrs. Klebold can offer that she hadn't already done in her open letter a few years ago.
9
Klebold is donating all of her profits from the book to research and to charitable foundations with a focus on mental health issues. Unfortunately, , I don't think the article mentions this. Why did it take her so long? Probably because she has been healing and it was too difficult to face so publicly.
17
Ms. Klebold stated on 20/20 that the all profits will be donated to mental health organizations.
6
So you want people to simply forget history? Granted, Im not the sort who truly believes we humans truly and deeply learn from our larger historical mistakes. But the more personal ones can be lessons we heed. We cant simply forget them. We cant ignore them...and who knows when the smaller lessons actually seep thru. Maybe there are some parents who will either read this book, or at least be aware of it and be reminded of the story, and take a closer look at their family members. Maybe.
Who knows what prompts people to take a deeper, realistic look at their lives and those they love...? Do you know? I know I don't...
Is there a expiration date for people like Ms Klebold to write their own story? To take some control of their own narratives? And not have it written, like graffiti, by the public for them...??
Q; How does the Manson and Simpson/Goldman murders figure in here? Or even 9-11? 9-11 was a national tragedy, the Manson, etc murders were not...
The only tragedy I see with the Simpson case was the expose of the LA DA's (and others of more recent history) abysmal prosecutorial behaviors, and the grossness with which the media and American public reacted.
Who knows what prompts people to take a deeper, realistic look at their lives and those they love...? Do you know? I know I don't...
Is there a expiration date for people like Ms Klebold to write their own story? To take some control of their own narratives? And not have it written, like graffiti, by the public for them...??
Q; How does the Manson and Simpson/Goldman murders figure in here? Or even 9-11? 9-11 was a national tragedy, the Manson, etc murders were not...
The only tragedy I see with the Simpson case was the expose of the LA DA's (and others of more recent history) abysmal prosecutorial behaviors, and the grossness with which the media and American public reacted.
4
These two guys showed zero signs of what they were going to do. Sadly, even when people do show clear signs, there is little the families can do. The Santa Barbara killer's parents knew he was sick and called the police but they saw no reason to detain him. In fact they thought we was charming as many killers are. His mother was in the car on the way to stop him when he did it. My guess is if teachers had had to say which kids seemed most at risk for something like this prior to the event, Klebold and his partner would have been very low on the list. He was at his prom for god sake.
371
"These two guys showed zero signs of what they were going to do." Really? Zero?
1. Stockpiling weapons in their homes
2. Committing a felony (breaking into a van and stealing electronics) their junior year
3. Under psychiatric care
4. Dylan writing a story about a man in black coming to school to murder the popular kids, and having the school administration so disturbed after reading it, they contacted Dylan's parents.
So, you're saying that when parents are oblivious to obvious signs of impending danger, the signs simply don't exist? Denying reality is a form of delusion.
1. Stockpiling weapons in their homes
2. Committing a felony (breaking into a van and stealing electronics) their junior year
3. Under psychiatric care
4. Dylan writing a story about a man in black coming to school to murder the popular kids, and having the school administration so disturbed after reading it, they contacted Dylan's parents.
So, you're saying that when parents are oblivious to obvious signs of impending danger, the signs simply don't exist? Denying reality is a form of delusion.
9
Generally, the person who commits such awful crimes is the "quiet type". They may appear reasonably happy and normal. They might seem a bit off, but look at what Mrs. Klebold says here -- that the last day, Dylan said "bye" and his tone seemed a bit off. What would YOU do in such situation? Keep your kid home, every time the word "bye" didn't sound just exactly right?
Even when you KNOW someone is very depressed or suicidal or crazy, there is so little you can do. You can send a teenager to a shrink (but not an ADULT, meaning anyone over 18). You can buy their meds, but you can't force them to take drugs. If you are TOO harsh, you may drive them to worse acts, to desperation or running away.
Actually what this shows, and why the book has value, is that so many "armchair shrinks" think they know exactly what should have been done and imagine they could have prevented it.
Even when you KNOW someone is very depressed or suicidal or crazy, there is so little you can do. You can send a teenager to a shrink (but not an ADULT, meaning anyone over 18). You can buy their meds, but you can't force them to take drugs. If you are TOO harsh, you may drive them to worse acts, to desperation or running away.
Actually what this shows, and why the book has value, is that so many "armchair shrinks" think they know exactly what should have been done and imagine they could have prevented it.
14
These two guys showed zero signs of what they were going to do.
if by stockpiling pipe bombs is not showing any signs, then yes, These two guys showed zero signs of what they were going to do.
if by stockpiling pipe bombs is not showing any signs, then yes, These two guys showed zero signs of what they were going to do.
1
Thanks to Ms. Klebold for having the courage to step out and tell her story. We often forget that the families of criminals are also victims - usually without empathy by the public. She and her family went to their own hell the day her son killed the kids and educators and I am so happy she could finally speak out. Mothers are most often blamed for misbehavior of their children. Yet, if women shared power equally with men in America we would not have guns and ammunition so readily available to carry out the dark goals of so many.
192
You seem to think that women don't own guns, or belong to the NRA, or vote conservative on this issue. You'd be wrong.
Also it is not a gun control issue. Two young people as hellbent on creating death and mayhem as Klebold & Harris would have use a pipe bomb if they couldn't get guns. There is always a way for evil. The French have all the gun control laws of your lefty dreams, and it didn't stop the Paris terrorists at all.
Also it is not a gun control issue. Two young people as hellbent on creating death and mayhem as Klebold & Harris would have use a pipe bomb if they couldn't get guns. There is always a way for evil. The French have all the gun control laws of your lefty dreams, and it didn't stop the Paris terrorists at all.
3
Terrorists are, as it were, professional murderers. They'll get weapons no matter what. Disturbed teenagers are another matter. They are everywhere, yet, it's in this country that their fantasies can lead to actual rampages because of the easy access to guns, including weapons that are clearly not for hunting.
9
I did not say that, Concerned.
6
Something like Columbine happens and the rest of us really want the Klebolds to be at fault. We really want Sue Klebold to have been foolish, willingly blinded, unable to see what was right in front of her. If she is at fault, then all of us other parents can relax, because we are all doing the right things, and *our* kids are OK.
Admitting that we cannot know what others hide from us; that we are not all experts at spotting mental illness and distinguishing it from normal teenage sullens, means that our own beloved children might be the ones who shoot another, or jump in front of a train. None of us can handle that uncertainty.
We all want Sue Klebold to have been a horrible parent, an easy target to pin responsibility. Because none of us want to be Sue Klebold. I will do her the grace of reading her book, a penance for how much I want her to be the problem.
Admitting that we cannot know what others hide from us; that we are not all experts at spotting mental illness and distinguishing it from normal teenage sullens, means that our own beloved children might be the ones who shoot another, or jump in front of a train. None of us can handle that uncertainty.
We all want Sue Klebold to have been a horrible parent, an easy target to pin responsibility. Because none of us want to be Sue Klebold. I will do her the grace of reading her book, a penance for how much I want her to be the problem.
439
Best comment here
14
Cathy, yours is the most insightful comment I have read here. The attitude you describe runs broad and deep in the world of parenting.
13
Cathy, I have taken the liberty of reposting your comment for others to see. It is at the following, should you care to view any replies that might surface there.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/books/review/a-mothers-reckoning-by-su...
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/books/review/a-mothers-reckoning-by-su...
3
I agree with the commenter that millions of people had similar upbringings. Although many of these people don't commit mass murder, they do often suffer from major depression, and often turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex addiction to fill the emptiness. Many of them attempt or complete suicide. A lack of emotional intimacy between parent and child leaves a gaping, lifelong wound that only the lucky few will heal in therapy, through religion or spirituality, or something else that makes us whole. Just because this type of upbringing 'looks' normal from the outside (ie, American) - does not mean it is not deeply dysfunctional. One wonders if either parent ever had an intimate, loving talk with their son, where they simply listened, and asked about his deepest worries, his fears, so that he could share himself with another. The fact that they were both in bed when their son left for school is interesting to note. Maybe Sue wrote the book to show what happens when relationships are all about distance, rather than vulnerability.
19
I agree that a lack of emotional intimacy is a possible factor in why the clues were missed. This story is a reminder to us all to reflect on our own relationships. It doesn't have to be just about stopping the next Columbine- we can become stronger, happier people by emotionally opening ourselves to those with whom we wish to be close.
2
No. Millions of people didn't have this upbringing -- a 10,000 square foot house with no neighbors in sight and parents that gave into every whim and desire. It's a lethal combo but thankfully there aren't millions that have this upbringing.
4
Do you honestly think that this about whether or not the Klebold's got up early to have breakfast with their son?
I used to have to leave for school at 5AM, to catch an early bus that didn't come later, and my parents were not awake when I left. Did that turn me into a serial killer?
I used to have to leave for school at 5AM, to catch an early bus that didn't come later, and my parents were not awake when I left. Did that turn me into a serial killer?
33
Raising an adolescent is often one of the most daunting challenges we face. As much as we think we know our children, we often don't. As much as we think we know what's going on with our children, they can be experts at hiding what's going on and misleading us altogether. It's very easy to criticize the Klebolds or other parents of children who go off the rails for whatever reason. As tempting as that might be, we should pause to remember that it could have been our child who committed the atrocity - driven by illness, depression, drugs, alcohol, or peers who are afflicted by one or more of those. Adolescence is a fragile time and there, but for the grace of God, goes any of us. Thanks to Mrs. Klebold for writing this book to hopefully help other parents recognize the signs of looming catastrophe before the unthinkable happens and it plunges another community into tragedy.
101
Good to know that in America, nothing is anyone's fault, things just somehow 'happen'.
1
Hi Sue. So sorry for your
Loss!! Hope you will find forgiveness for yourself!! You are in no way responsible for this tragedy. Have been quite invested in this topic of Mass killings and suicide. ALL HAVE ONE COMMON DENOMINATOR ....LETHAL PSYCH MEDS , anti depressants, anxiety, sleeping , etc. (fortunately for us my son is alive as he finally realized the detrimental side effects of these psych meds))..The culprit Is not the illness itself .. Testimony to this theory, Our military commiting suicide in vast proportions DAILY while they are subjected to these fatal cocktails " ever wondered how our Vets from previous wars had very low incidence of suicide? Have tried to contact Big Guns of our journal world to get involved in trying to get to the bottom of this problem before yet another mass killing occurs, however who would DARE take on the PHARMA WORLD.?? Hope others will read this and perhaps it will help get those involved thinking.
Loss!! Hope you will find forgiveness for yourself!! You are in no way responsible for this tragedy. Have been quite invested in this topic of Mass killings and suicide. ALL HAVE ONE COMMON DENOMINATOR ....LETHAL PSYCH MEDS , anti depressants, anxiety, sleeping , etc. (fortunately for us my son is alive as he finally realized the detrimental side effects of these psych meds))..The culprit Is not the illness itself .. Testimony to this theory, Our military commiting suicide in vast proportions DAILY while they are subjected to these fatal cocktails " ever wondered how our Vets from previous wars had very low incidence of suicide? Have tried to contact Big Guns of our journal world to get involved in trying to get to the bottom of this problem before yet another mass killing occurs, however who would DARE take on the PHARMA WORLD.?? Hope others will read this and perhaps it will help get those involved thinking.
12
Dylan Klebold was NOT on psych meds according to the article. He had received no professional help.
10
Lethal psych meds? Hmm.... Parents without a clue that their kids are stockpiling weapons and scribbling out journals about killing their classmates. That has nothing to do with it?
1
See book Mad in America for more on the side effects of legal medications. Peter Breggin has also written much on the topic of the effects of pharmaceuticals. Great resources on how to titrate down from use of psychotropics and get off the devastating drugs. Wish there were any answers, but medications have such unintended and unknown side effects.
2
I would be hard pressed to place blame on the parents of Dylan. He purposed to be secretive and even the best of parents can have the wool pulled over their eyes. In this case, Mrs Klebold suspected something was awry but it was too late to prevent a tragedy she would never have been able to conceive could happen. My heart goes out to her and other parents like her.
156
Some people who are seriously disturbed are capable of hiding it. That has been my personal experience. And if he was unwilling or incapable of changing, what then? He can't be involuntarily held in a mental hospital indefinitely.
23
Who gets the profits from this book?
14
The proceeds from the sales will go to mental health charities.
60
I have heard from other news sources that the proceeds from the book sales will be given to a non profit for mental health illness.
14
She's donating them all to non-profits aimed at preventing suicide.
17
Perhaps this will help the parents continue to survive the guilt they live with day in and day out. Blindness I say. Parents who are blind. Blindness .... It's as old as a Greek tragedy. Kids murdering kids at school is our new Greek tragedy. No stage needed, just a few classrooms.
12
They have no real reason to blame themselves. It is not always blindness or unwillingness to see what is going on. Disturbed people can be very capable of hiding the severity of their problems. Plenty of kids go thru periods of sadness, depression, problems in growing up. Only an extremely small number are this violent. It cannot always be predicted. if only it were as simple as you describe.
12
High school teacher here... the Columbine incident changed my profession and my ways of thinking forever, but I have never been able to reflect on all the people involved, all of them, with anything other than compassion. I read Andrew Solomon's "Far From the Tree" and was particularly struck by his careful and thoughtful work with the Klebolds. I am so sorry that Sue Klebold experienced what she did, and I am very grateful that she has found the strength to speak to the world about this. Thank you, Ms Klebold. I will listen.
198
Not a HS teacher here. Just an average Joe. At some point folks need to take responsibility for their actions. I suggest Sue consider this.
1
Whose actions, Areacode? Hers? Her son's? Other media pieces state that her book says she wished her son dead when she found out what was going on at the high school. (Before she found out he had actually committed suicide) You cannot get a parent more assuming of responsibility than that.
Then again, Dylan is not alive to assume responsibility. So I suppose you do refer to Mrs. Klebold. Go ahead and judge, if you want to. But none of us is capable of completely knowing another person, even those we most love. Parents kill their children. Children kill their parents. People kill strangers and some of these killers may be fed by illness or by an ideology kept well-hidden. It is often only in retrospect that clues appear so real or obvious. How many suspected the 9/11 perpetrators beforehand? They had parents and friends, too. And the clues the authorities missed? They seem glaring looking back. But how many with the same profile do what those killers did?
And how many kids acting the same way as Dylan go on to kill? Few... How many parents suspect or know their kids drink? A lot... Dress in black? Are non-communicative? A lot...
If you believe in a God, you know that in most faiths only God is seen as omniscient. We are humans. Give Sue Klebold a break...
Then again, Dylan is not alive to assume responsibility. So I suppose you do refer to Mrs. Klebold. Go ahead and judge, if you want to. But none of us is capable of completely knowing another person, even those we most love. Parents kill their children. Children kill their parents. People kill strangers and some of these killers may be fed by illness or by an ideology kept well-hidden. It is often only in retrospect that clues appear so real or obvious. How many suspected the 9/11 perpetrators beforehand? They had parents and friends, too. And the clues the authorities missed? They seem glaring looking back. But how many with the same profile do what those killers did?
And how many kids acting the same way as Dylan go on to kill? Few... How many parents suspect or know their kids drink? A lot... Dress in black? Are non-communicative? A lot...
If you believe in a God, you know that in most faiths only God is seen as omniscient. We are humans. Give Sue Klebold a break...
29
Isn't writing the book "taking responsibility"? In many ways, it's a brave and generous act, especially considering that there will be people who will berate her without having read it.
15
Given the proper vilification that occurs after mass shootings especially the school variety it is important to look at the shooters as people. Having the perspective and insight of someone this close to a mass murderer is a rare occurrence. I can only hope this book illustrates how hard it can be to detect and help those who might commit such crimes.
41
I can think of several people I have known in my life that worked hard to cover their personality disorders. The hints come out sideways and surprisingly seem out of character, so it is easy to discount the event as someone having a bad day. Only after many years and adding up the odd moments does a pattern emerge. And many times there is a personality shift with the years between 19 and 24. These people come from loving families. These are people who do not let you in although they function very well in many situations. I agree, detecting their level and kind of mental illness is very difficult. To be in mental pain is just the same as any weakness. In the animal world, including humans, showing weakness can be cause for annihilation.
23
@ Laura S.
Having known two people with personality disorders, it only takes a few weeks to realize something is off about them. They cannot hide it for long.
And neither of them came from 'loving families', although their families would, of course, beg to differ.
Having known two people with personality disorders, it only takes a few weeks to realize something is off about them. They cannot hide it for long.
And neither of them came from 'loving families', although their families would, of course, beg to differ.
There, but for the grace of God, go you or I.
How courageous of Mrs. Klebold to write this memoir. I hope it brings her, her husband and the victims' families some measure of solace.
How courageous of Mrs. Klebold to write this memoir. I hope it brings her, her husband and the victims' families some measure of solace.
394
In the Sawyer interview, comment was made (by Sawyer?) that they are now divorced - surely as a result of all they've been through with this.
2
A friend's three kids were at Columbine the day of the shooting and had socialized with one or both of the shooters a few days before the tragedy. That and the fact that the school is so close to us plus the uniqueness of the crime made it feel like the JFK assassination and 9/11. I read everything I could about it for a few weeks and it's been in the news ever since.
The reviews of Sue Klebold's book bring back memories of those days. We've all wondered what the parent's felt and thought, and it seems that Klebold has tried to tell her story as well as she could. But I won't read the book.
There so many tragedies in the world these days that we can't let them consume us. We learn about bad people every day, and we just have to be glad that we are not in the sorry places that they and their victims are. Most people are good.
America and the world are on high alert to what our enemies want to do to us. So all we can do is pay attention, hope for the best and realize that parenting and life are so dependent on luck. Bad things happen to unlucky good parents and even the lucky parents whose kids make them proud. That's life.
Lucky parents shouldn't look down on the unlucky ones, and the unlucky ones should realize that that their bad luck is not alway or even mostly their fault. I hope Klebold's book helps her deal with her bad luck and tragedy.
The reviews of Sue Klebold's book bring back memories of those days. We've all wondered what the parent's felt and thought, and it seems that Klebold has tried to tell her story as well as she could. But I won't read the book.
There so many tragedies in the world these days that we can't let them consume us. We learn about bad people every day, and we just have to be glad that we are not in the sorry places that they and their victims are. Most people are good.
America and the world are on high alert to what our enemies want to do to us. So all we can do is pay attention, hope for the best and realize that parenting and life are so dependent on luck. Bad things happen to unlucky good parents and even the lucky parents whose kids make them proud. That's life.
Lucky parents shouldn't look down on the unlucky ones, and the unlucky ones should realize that that their bad luck is not alway or even mostly their fault. I hope Klebold's book helps her deal with her bad luck and tragedy.
131
I find the characterization of good and bad people and lucky and unlucky parents odd in response to this review and Mrs. Klebold's story, as if things can be whittled down to black and white with no shades of grey. The Columbine tragedy was precipitated by probable mental illness and, at least on the part of Eric Harris, an anti-social personality disorder, still developing adolescent brains, a school system without mechanisms to respond to warning signs and red flags of danger to self and/or others, and, of course, easy access to guns. Good/bad and lucky/unlucky explanations don't require much analysis, reflection or planning for intervention and prevention of future such events. In fact, the framing of this tragedy as bad luck serves only to give up permission to shrug our shoulder and lament that there is really nothing to be done.
17
You read everything but now you won't read the book?
4
It's the nation's bad luck when more than 70 percent of Americans want sensible regulations on guns like those the President has put forth, and the feckless Congress does nothing.
17
You can never truly know what is happening in someone else's psyche, not as a parent, a spouse or a medical professional. You can only be engaged, watch for warnings and as it would seem Mrs. Klebold did, do the best you can. Some parents fall much shorter than she did with far less consequence. I cannot imagine the anguish she and her husband must have suffered over the years which could have only been amplified by the hatred for their son heaped upon them in his absence.
301
This is an incredibly sad story. A great tragedy has descended on this mother and her bravery in writing this book is to be commended. I can totally understand how this family did not see this coming. Human beings are complex and I can recall when my children were teenagers how I just did not have a clue. They were not very commutative and even with my best efforts I often felt I had little insight. We put too much pressure on mothers and fathers when things go wrong. Millions of people have had upbringings similar to Dylan Klebold and went on to lead full lives, so I hope Sue Klebold finds the peace she needs.
231
The first thing my youngest son would ask in the door was 'what's for dinner?'. Then, after hearing the answer would head for his room. When asked about his day, all we got was 'fine'. They lead other lives when they are away from you.
56
I hope this book helps some to heal.
I was studying to be a teacher when Columbine happened, and went into the profession during a spate of high-profile shootings in the years that followed. It shaped our sense of what we did. It was a time of worry, and stories of teachers who often gave their lives saving students, and drills for school lock-down efforts or other security measures. I know that every teacher wondered how they might handle such a situation.
I was studying to be a teacher when Columbine happened, and went into the profession during a spate of high-profile shootings in the years that followed. It shaped our sense of what we did. It was a time of worry, and stories of teachers who often gave their lives saving students, and drills for school lock-down efforts or other security measures. I know that every teacher wondered how they might handle such a situation.
47