Thank you everyone for relaying your personal experiences. These stories are bringing comfort to anyone who needs to know if it will alright at the end of their journey. It seems as though it will be. Just be a good decent person and you will have a wonderful ride.
6
When my father died after complications from knee replacement surgery 20 years ago, my mother was distraught. A week after his death, one afternoon she suddenly felt so sleepy she couldn't keep her eyes open. She lay down, and as soon as she fell asleep, she saw my father. She said, "Oh no, I told everyone you died!" And he told her he was OK and just didn't want her to worry. Then she woke up and was perfectly alert, and after that was much more at peace with his passing.
Six months ago, after months of hospitalizations for an infection, my mother chose to go to hospice rather than continue a losing battle. As I sat grieving by her hospital bed, waiting for the hospice team to come get her, she drifted in and out of sleep. At one point, she kept saying, "OK.... Alright.... That's fine.... I won't worry about that any more." It was as if I could hear just one side of a two-way conversation. In the midst of it she opened her eyes and looked at me, so I asked who she was talking to. "The good Lord above," she said, with a tone that said it should have been obvious. She also talked of seeing her mother and sisters and my father. I know she believed they were waiting to greet her and felt comforted by that. But once in hospice, she was kept sedated on Dilaudin until she passed just 4 days later. I have worried and wondered whether that sedation robbed her of the positive visions she had been having. I guess I'll never know.
Six months ago, after months of hospitalizations for an infection, my mother chose to go to hospice rather than continue a losing battle. As I sat grieving by her hospital bed, waiting for the hospice team to come get her, she drifted in and out of sleep. At one point, she kept saying, "OK.... Alright.... That's fine.... I won't worry about that any more." It was as if I could hear just one side of a two-way conversation. In the midst of it she opened her eyes and looked at me, so I asked who she was talking to. "The good Lord above," she said, with a tone that said it should have been obvious. She also talked of seeing her mother and sisters and my father. I know she believed they were waiting to greet her and felt comforted by that. But once in hospice, she was kept sedated on Dilaudin until she passed just 4 days later. I have worried and wondered whether that sedation robbed her of the positive visions she had been having. I guess I'll never know.
6
As a former hospice nurse of many years, I found that these end of life visions or dreams occurred in about 50% of my patients, usually about 2-3 days before death. Most of the time, when the patient began communicating with deceased relatives, he or she would not be reachable anymore, but would be what I can only describe as "elsewhere," speaking to and seeing what the rest of us could not.
It was the "terminal agitation," which, though relatively rare, was disturbing. We found it very difficult to communicate with the sufferer because he/she was already "elsewhere," communicating with "invisible others," in a terrified way, often causing very weak patients to attempt dangerous feats like climbing out of bed. These situations usually ended up requiring heavy sedation for the safety of the patient and the comfort of their loved ones. I often wondered what or who they were seeing, but never found satisfactory answers.
I am glad to know that this research is going on. It's fascinating to study this stage of life, which many of us call "transitioning;" where to will probably always remain the mystery.
It was the "terminal agitation," which, though relatively rare, was disturbing. We found it very difficult to communicate with the sufferer because he/she was already "elsewhere," communicating with "invisible others," in a terrified way, often causing very weak patients to attempt dangerous feats like climbing out of bed. These situations usually ended up requiring heavy sedation for the safety of the patient and the comfort of their loved ones. I often wondered what or who they were seeing, but never found satisfactory answers.
I am glad to know that this research is going on. It's fascinating to study this stage of life, which many of us call "transitioning;" where to will probably always remain the mystery.
6
One night, while on-call during my chaplain residency, I responded to an eleven p.m. page from a woman in her seventies who had stage-four cancer. It was hard to believe this woman was so sick because her personality was so vivacious and her face, radiant.
She told me of this recurring dream where these lovely people would come visit her each night. She would have a wonderful time and when they had to go, they invited her to join them. She wanted so badly to follow them but when she would try, there was this invisible wall preventing her from doing so. She did not understand why that wall was there.
Apart from her dream, another great quandary was how to clean out her house. She did not want to leave a mess for her daughters, nor did she want them "taking over" for her. However, her energy level was so low she did not know how she would accomplish this herself.
As one who tries to companion people during vulnerable moments in their lives, I suggested, "What if you pictured your daughters as coming along side of you instead of taking over?"
"Would you say that again?" she asked. I reiterated. "Coming along side of me... I like that!" she said, and pondered this for a moment. We talked about some other things and not long after that, she thanked me for coming and our visit came to a close around one a.m.
Later that morning, around eight a.m., I saw from the census that this beautiful woman had died.
I guess that invisible wall had come down.
She told me of this recurring dream where these lovely people would come visit her each night. She would have a wonderful time and when they had to go, they invited her to join them. She wanted so badly to follow them but when she would try, there was this invisible wall preventing her from doing so. She did not understand why that wall was there.
Apart from her dream, another great quandary was how to clean out her house. She did not want to leave a mess for her daughters, nor did she want them "taking over" for her. However, her energy level was so low she did not know how she would accomplish this herself.
As one who tries to companion people during vulnerable moments in their lives, I suggested, "What if you pictured your daughters as coming along side of you instead of taking over?"
"Would you say that again?" she asked. I reiterated. "Coming along side of me... I like that!" she said, and pondered this for a moment. We talked about some other things and not long after that, she thanked me for coming and our visit came to a close around one a.m.
Later that morning, around eight a.m., I saw from the census that this beautiful woman had died.
I guess that invisible wall had come down.
10
Perfect example of opening the door. Thank you for this comment.
3
I spoke about my father's end of life dreams and dreams are interesting. However they are internalizations.
What I would like to comment on here are externalizations.
As my father (who BTW was a man of Science and a Bertrand Russellian Agnostic) was aging I had asked him, "What do you think happens after life." This was not a general topic of discussion in my family. But this was when he laid out the BR explanation of Agnosticism and justified his doubt by relating the following story:
One night I was awakened from a sound sleep and say at the foot of the bed, an old Army buddy (WWII) that I hadn't seen or heard from of in about 10 years. [What they conversed about, either my father didn't tell me or I have forgotten.] Soon thereafter, my father found out that the man had died in an accident the very night that the vision occurred.
Does the brain play tricks on us? Do we convince ourselves of event sequences after the fact? Sure. And so it was with my father that the evidence of "supernatural occurrences" wasn't such that he would abandon all "Scientific Reality." But it was enough for him to understand that there are things we don't understand.
Dreaming (visioning, hallucinating whateves...) that your mother has come to fold you into death's embrace is one thing. But sending a message from California to New York at the time of your passing. That is something different.
What I would like to comment on here are externalizations.
As my father (who BTW was a man of Science and a Bertrand Russellian Agnostic) was aging I had asked him, "What do you think happens after life." This was not a general topic of discussion in my family. But this was when he laid out the BR explanation of Agnosticism and justified his doubt by relating the following story:
One night I was awakened from a sound sleep and say at the foot of the bed, an old Army buddy (WWII) that I hadn't seen or heard from of in about 10 years. [What they conversed about, either my father didn't tell me or I have forgotten.] Soon thereafter, my father found out that the man had died in an accident the very night that the vision occurred.
Does the brain play tricks on us? Do we convince ourselves of event sequences after the fact? Sure. And so it was with my father that the evidence of "supernatural occurrences" wasn't such that he would abandon all "Scientific Reality." But it was enough for him to understand that there are things we don't understand.
Dreaming (visioning, hallucinating whateves...) that your mother has come to fold you into death's embrace is one thing. But sending a message from California to New York at the time of your passing. That is something different.
3
I wonder if anyone has considered researching the dreams of those who have been with a loved one when he or she has passed away. What I mean is that I was with my father day and night for a few weeks before he died. About a week after his death, I had an exceedingly vivid dream where he visited me and let me know that he was alright and not to worry about him. That happened over fifteen years ago and it is still so vivid in my mind.
3
Interesting, the exact same thing happened to me 6 weeks after my husband died. My son was his main caregiver and my husband wanted to let us know he was okay. He was in his everyday work clothes, shirt, tie and nice slacks, looked healthy the way he always did. It seemed so real to me and after 20 years I still remember as if it happened yesterday. Our daughter said "Mom, maybe it wasn't a dream". A friend had a similar dream about a mutual friend who passed, though I was his caregiver.
2
How did the capability for these dreams/visions come about? How does Natural Selection or the Theory of Evolution cover something that happens so very, very late in life?
These dreams and visions are very similar to ones that i--and i suspect most people--have always had. Spiders, deceased loved ones, pets, "seeing things" in a sleep/wake state. I wonder if they take on more significance at the end of one's life, possibly because sources of external stimulation have diminished.
Or maybe I should update my will and see a doctor.
Or maybe I should update my will and see a doctor.
This article seems to be missing an important detail: How are the dreams of this group different from those of any other population, i.e., how are they distinct from any other group's or any other time in one's life?
5
Thank you NYT for this article.
"The motivation and pressure for these dreams is coming from a place of fear and uncertainty,” he said. “The dreamers are literally helping themselves out of a tough spot.”
In my experience, this applies to the living as well as the dying.
"The motivation and pressure for these dreams is coming from a place of fear and uncertainty,” he said. “The dreamers are literally helping themselves out of a tough spot.”
In my experience, this applies to the living as well as the dying.
2
My dying father dreamed that he heard a cat crying somewhere but was unable to find it. I read somewhere recently that cats often figure into the dreams of the dying.
3
A few months after my father died, my mother, while fast asleep, clearly said, "Not yet, Ernie, I'm not ready." She died a few months later.
4
While I'll never know what dreams my father was having while in a coma, the dreams I had sitting next to his hospital bed are ones I'll never forget. The smell of grass, feeling the warmth of sunlight against my face; They're all things that I never experienced indoors or on a cold winter night.
I love and miss him terribly and still close my eyes at night hoping to dream about him.
I love and miss him terribly and still close my eyes at night hoping to dream about him.
6
My Mother told me after a hospitalization for cancer complications that she perceived a man at the door to her hospital room who said, "not now". She thought it meant she wasn't going to die soon. She did die within the year but was delirious towards the end, only saying "God is love".
Since I dream a lot, in a mixed state level of sleep (I often "sleep" in fractional states where I've asleep but somewhat aware of my surroundings or what's going on), I can often recall them when I awake. They usually involve dialogue, and I'm even more logical than I am when awake. They happen in various alternative locations, often patterned after places I've lived or visited and they often occur in dreams later on.
I'm 75, in reasonably good health, and don't anticipate dying anytime soon, but I wonder with my vivid dreaming what experiences that I and my loved ones will have when I do approach death.
Since I dream a lot, in a mixed state level of sleep (I often "sleep" in fractional states where I've asleep but somewhat aware of my surroundings or what's going on), I can often recall them when I awake. They usually involve dialogue, and I'm even more logical than I am when awake. They happen in various alternative locations, often patterned after places I've lived or visited and they often occur in dreams later on.
I'm 75, in reasonably good health, and don't anticipate dying anytime soon, but I wonder with my vivid dreaming what experiences that I and my loved ones will have when I do approach death.
4
Several days before my mother died she told me that she heard banging noises. Soon we had to take her to the hospital to spend her last days. She continued to tell me that she heard banging noises even tho' there were none existing.
On the day before she died she handed me a piece of paper with a note on it. The note said that death had come to visit her, had sat on her bed. She told me that she had told death that she was ready to go with him. It was quite eerie. I have saved the note in the bottom of my jewelry box.
After she died i mentioned the banging noises to several friends. One friend told me that her mother had also heard banging noises several days before her death. There must be some reason for this phenomenon, but i have not found it.
On the day before she died she handed me a piece of paper with a note on it. The note said that death had come to visit her, had sat on her bed. She told me that she had told death that she was ready to go with him. It was quite eerie. I have saved the note in the bottom of my jewelry box.
After she died i mentioned the banging noises to several friends. One friend told me that her mother had also heard banging noises several days before her death. There must be some reason for this phenomenon, but i have not found it.
3
If you read OBE (out-of-body) literature, banging noises, rapping, hearing a voice calling your name, etc., is normal before you enter the state where you are able to go out of body. OBE is really a misnomer, because you don't really "go" anywhere, it's more of a dissociation between your physical body and your consciousness. The Monroe Institute can shed more light on this for you, and there are many Tom Campbell videos and interviews on YouTube.
4
My parents were next door neighbors as children. My father died in the 1970s. Shortly before my mother died, she *saw* him coming to get her. She died in her sleep on the same date he died, 30 years later.
4
Two days before my mother passed away, she shared a beautiful "visit" she had with HER mother, my deceased grandmother. My mother told me that my grandmother said that she "would be walking again soon" and that "everything was working out as planned and not to worry". My mother continued to tell me as I stood in her hospital room, that my grandmother was even standing right behind me! As painful as it was to comprehend, I felt a great amount of peace as I knew that my grandmother's "arrival" was a sign that soon she would be escorted home.
After she passed, I wrote about her deathbed visit and the ongoing dreams and signs that she shared with me in "You Are My Voice, How Love's Voice Never Dies".
After she passed, I wrote about her deathbed visit and the ongoing dreams and signs that she shared with me in "You Are My Voice, How Love's Voice Never Dies".
8
“We don’t know what the hell they are,” said Dr. Timothy E. Quill." No kidding. As long as the medical establishment is convinced that consciousness is confined to the brain, you'll never figure it out either. First examine the lecture "Is Consciousness Produced by the Brain" by Dr. Bruce Greyson (UVA) where he talks about the many cases where people shouldn't be able to access their memories (alzheimers) and yet become fully conscious prior to passing. I've gathered dozens of reports of people seeing their loved ones, who pass along NEW INFORMATION that they couldn't have known during their lifetime, did not know, but turn out to be accurate ("Flipside" and "It's a Wonderful Afterlife"). As long as the medical establishment, and those writing about it are convinced that dreams are illusions they'll never get closer to understanding them. Dreams, as we all have experienced, aren't all the same, nor should be they be limited to the term "dreams." Some are vivid, some "feel more real" than others, some are out of body experiences, some can be associated with near death experiences. The catchall "dream" word doesn't apply to people who have witnessed (visually, or with some other sense, smell, sound) a loved one who has passed appearing in their consciousness. What we fail to do is ask the question "so why did this person show up in your consciousness, what do THEY have to impart to you, and why are THEY appearing at this particular time?" My 2 cents.
14
There's no incentive to understand or work with psychic phenomena of dreams, visions, voices, fantasies, etc as Jung and many others have. Big Pharma makes billions while physicians make millions suppressing this phenomena. What goes down will come back up. The increase of dementia and schizophrenia may be symptomatic of this.
Neuroscientists have yet to account for the origin and autonomy of psychic phenomena. How did our DNA originate? What is this "God-particle?" Is it possible that our brain is merely the receptor? The Gnostics believed so.
A good example of working with this phenomena is Oprah and Jani Schofield. Indeed, there are Roots of Renewal in Myth and Madness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR1o8K4MeMs
This little girl knows the difference between inner and outer reality, her good friends from her bad friends, especially the one who says to "Hit." Says it all right there about angels and demons, love and hate, our ambivalence.
Jung established the reality and polarity of our psyche and how we can be whole in realizing it. His Red Book/Liber Novus is a collective template of what can come out of us as prophets have always taught.
Jani has her own little Red Book going. More of us need to.
Neuroscientists have yet to account for the origin and autonomy of psychic phenomena. How did our DNA originate? What is this "God-particle?" Is it possible that our brain is merely the receptor? The Gnostics believed so.
A good example of working with this phenomena is Oprah and Jani Schofield. Indeed, there are Roots of Renewal in Myth and Madness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR1o8K4MeMs
This little girl knows the difference between inner and outer reality, her good friends from her bad friends, especially the one who says to "Hit." Says it all right there about angels and demons, love and hate, our ambivalence.
Jung established the reality and polarity of our psyche and how we can be whole in realizing it. His Red Book/Liber Novus is a collective template of what can come out of us as prophets have always taught.
Jani has her own little Red Book going. More of us need to.
4
Several hours before my mother (84 y.o) died, she had a vision. My siblings were with her and they witnessed the unexplainable:
My mom's mind was clear, she was having a casual conversation despite the difficulty breathing, with my brothers and sisters who surrounded her bed keeping company. Suddenly, my mom started repeating: "No no, not now, not yet." My sister asked her who she was talking to. Mom said: "Here is this woman in green deel (Mongolian traditional dress) asking me to go dancing. I told her I am not going now".
Around 10.30pm that night Mom asked my brother to remove her ring and give it to one of my sisters. She asked for her favorite drink, took a sip and said she was ready. An hour later she passed away.
My mom's mind was clear, she was having a casual conversation despite the difficulty breathing, with my brothers and sisters who surrounded her bed keeping company. Suddenly, my mom started repeating: "No no, not now, not yet." My sister asked her who she was talking to. Mom said: "Here is this woman in green deel (Mongolian traditional dress) asking me to go dancing. I told her I am not going now".
Around 10.30pm that night Mom asked my brother to remove her ring and give it to one of my sisters. She asked for her favorite drink, took a sip and said she was ready. An hour later she passed away.
12
Laurie Anderson's film the Heart of a Dog reflects similar experiences with there being a period of time after death in which the deceased is in both worlds and communication is a medium that intersects both worlds simultaneously. See the film if this topic is of interest.
My husband has a progressive lung condition and though not yet on his deathbed is already processing death (even afterlife) through his dreams, in addition to the talks we have.
Recently he was very comforted by a dream about his parents, who were living in an attic, overlooking a beautiful garden. "Very serene" said my husband. And a comfort to know his parents were together. He had another dream soon after that, that workmen had dug up the basement of our former home (we're now in a retirement community) and he told them it was no longer his house, so he wasn't going to pay them. They left. (We both saw that as somehow indicative of death, maybe burial, but not yet.)
I'm a retired therapist, so I listen. But only discuss these dreams if he wants to.
The dreams are ways of his unconscious trying to work out certain things. Or forecasting them. And if he shares them with me, it's a way of letting me know...
Prior to his diagnosis, nearly 3 years ago now, how was already having disguised dreams related to physical frailty and he spoke of feeling that he was dying.
As another issue, we've also been able to be frank about is my life, following his death. My feelings, even my fantasies of getting a travel vehicle and where I envision going with it. He gives me his advice, which is also comforting.
Recently he was very comforted by a dream about his parents, who were living in an attic, overlooking a beautiful garden. "Very serene" said my husband. And a comfort to know his parents were together. He had another dream soon after that, that workmen had dug up the basement of our former home (we're now in a retirement community) and he told them it was no longer his house, so he wasn't going to pay them. They left. (We both saw that as somehow indicative of death, maybe burial, but not yet.)
I'm a retired therapist, so I listen. But only discuss these dreams if he wants to.
The dreams are ways of his unconscious trying to work out certain things. Or forecasting them. And if he shares them with me, it's a way of letting me know...
Prior to his diagnosis, nearly 3 years ago now, how was already having disguised dreams related to physical frailty and he spoke of feeling that he was dying.
As another issue, we've also been able to be frank about is my life, following his death. My feelings, even my fantasies of getting a travel vehicle and where I envision going with it. He gives me his advice, which is also comforting.
8
Unsure how I feel about Dr. Kerr's beliefs toward treatment of the dying. While I can appreciate and advocate comforting (even if such involves condescension) and -of course- medication when necessary, I disagree with his belief in an obligation to "explore" the substance of dreams, hallucinations, etc. of the dying, Assuming the pursuit results in a body of data, such appears to me to diminish, disrespect, etc., the personal quality of the dreams of the dying. Further, creation of such a "study" imports an arrogance as such seems to ignore the humanity those unable to afford death bed care or suffer untimely and unnatural deaths.
I truly believe these experiences are the product of the brain shutting down and flooding the brain with what we could consider beneficent hallucinations that comfort the patient and the family, a placebo effect, if you will. Even people who don't believe in an afterlife tend to remember the best of things. I know my mother asked if she was dying and when I said "I don't know," she answered, "Well, call your father" having not remembered he had been dead for 6 years at that time. She did not believe in life after death.
I believe the body has untapped potential for placebos. Talk to torture victims: after a while they tell you that they don't feel the constant blows because the body shuts down the sensing of pain as a way of survival.
We tend to see associate hallucinations with very negative events but discount the ones that are beneficial, even beautiful and to the point of spiritual experience.
I believe the body has untapped potential for placebos. Talk to torture victims: after a while they tell you that they don't feel the constant blows because the body shuts down the sensing of pain as a way of survival.
We tend to see associate hallucinations with very negative events but discount the ones that are beneficial, even beautiful and to the point of spiritual experience.
2
i read this story yesterday. i've been patiently waiting for the pathology report concerning a polyp the size of a ping pong ball that was removed from my nether depths last week. so last night i dreamed that my deceased father was waiting for me in a school bus. i'm thinking my oh so suggestible mind made that up, and the doctor just called and said it was nothing to worry about. but 35 years ago when i was getting sober i had a series of three dreams which profoundly affected the way i thought about myself. very healing..gave me goosebumps to think about them for years afterwards.
8
Very interesting article. One thing that bothered me was the doctor who said : "We sedate them, sterilizing them from their dying." I don't understand why the sedating would be at the discretion of medical staff. When my fried was in hospice, dying of cancer, her morphing drip was controlled by her. She told me that it was always a compromise between being free of pain and being conscious enough to truly experience her last days. Why isn't pain medication always controlled by the patient, as my friend's was?
7
He meant it in the context of sedating them to stop the hallucinations, not the to deprive them of palliative care or pain management, so this doesn't mean necessarily morphine drips. Also, family could dictate certain treatment options when someone is not clearly "all there."
Thank you for this article.
My late wife died exactly four years ago at the age of 41 from breast cancer. Three days before she died, she was talking almost non stop as she slept, with loved ones around her bed. Although those around her could not understand every word, it was clear that she was reliving moments of her life. She would mention people's names both alive and deceased and we could hear snippets of long ago memories. It was if her life was a movie in rewind.
When she died in hospice a few day later, she died a very peaceful death.
I have always wondered about these dreams, but have never found anything online that described them. I am so pleased researchers are looking into these dreams. It clearly shows how much more we have to learn about death and dying.
My late wife died exactly four years ago at the age of 41 from breast cancer. Three days before she died, she was talking almost non stop as she slept, with loved ones around her bed. Although those around her could not understand every word, it was clear that she was reliving moments of her life. She would mention people's names both alive and deceased and we could hear snippets of long ago memories. It was if her life was a movie in rewind.
When she died in hospice a few day later, she died a very peaceful death.
I have always wondered about these dreams, but have never found anything online that described them. I am so pleased researchers are looking into these dreams. It clearly shows how much more we have to learn about death and dying.
14
Shortly before he passed at 94, my often difficult father joyfully told about a visitor to his bedside in the hospital. His lady friend who he hadn't seen in a long time (my mother had passed 35 years before), said, "let's go for a ride". He continued, 3 nurses pushed him out the window--explaining that's how they do things here--and she drove him in a car onto the parkway. He continued, while slowing down at an exit ramp, she suddenly jumped out of the vehicle. Cops came and he told them he couldn't drive as he's legally blind. He said she must have carjacked the car. Cops called a cab and they wanted $37 to take him home, and in character with his frugal nature, he said I'm not paying. "She must have carjacked the vehicle" he surmised. His excitement about his adventure was so contagious, as well as funny, that I said I bet she comes back again tomorrow for another visit.
4
I have personal experience of my father visiting me while I was plucking flowers in the garden for a bouquet. When we were growing up, we watched him, it used to be one of his favorite things to do, he would gather all kinds of beautiful seasonal flowers in our garden and then assemble a vase for the living room, the fragrance filling the entire house. My father was nearing his end, several thousand miles away. He had been bedridden, on feeding tube and I had visited him the previous month. No phone call, no devices, he spoke to me like he was having a conversation, he wanted to say goodbye and that he loved me. The kids and I were headed to make the journey overseas the very next day. I told him, please don't wait for me, go ahead, don't worry about us, you just take good care of yourself. That night (it was early morning for him), he breathed his last, with my mom beside him, guiding every breath lovingly.
Later I found out, he had visited two of his very very old friends, from his bachelor days, they too lived thousands of miles from him.
Later I found out, he had visited two of his very very old friends, from his bachelor days, they too lived thousands of miles from him.
17
These types of dreams make sense. Dreams are just our subconscious working through things that our conscious brain can't or won't process. Someone who is terminally ill knows they are dying, and these kinds of dreams likely serve to assist the conscious brain in processing what the subconscious already knows
3
This nurse of decades can only say "Thank palliative, and let my living dream be one of more funding for palliative, more opportunities for palliative, more declaration of their greatness." Thank you for this article.
I am on a local hospital community quality board and every chance I get I will plea for more and more palliative care and resources.
What a lovely dream it is to think every human being in this country could have access to palliative care. Let us go beyond the dream and make it our nation's reality.
I am on a local hospital community quality board and every chance I get I will plea for more and more palliative care and resources.
What a lovely dream it is to think every human being in this country could have access to palliative care. Let us go beyond the dream and make it our nation's reality.
22
Just two days ago my father (an English speaker) reported vivid dreams in which people were speaking French and German. He could tell us a little of what was going on in the first, French, dream. When asked about the second, he chuckled and said, "I don't understand German." I chalked it up to hallucinations from his pain killers. After reading this article, I look forward to asking him more about his dreams. Despite his pain and failing health, his wry wit is shining through.
3
Jan Hoffman, what a gift of an article. Think of the fear you have quelled, and the humanity you have brought for those sitting bedside of their dying loved ones, as their souls and spirits float between the natural world and a world we cannot see. These dreams reflect such mystery, and it's a beautiful thing to see them not only accepted--but respected and honored. Thank you.
12
I dont need hospice to help me die. I feel strongly about not being drugged at the end of life. Im not sure hospice could help a person like me in any way. People need their loved ones and friends at the end, not strangers. I plan to encourage my family to not be afraid of the process but walk with me as it happens. No one seems to accept that at the end many people dont feel pain. All the old people I know that died let the doctors drug them up but none of them complained of pain. The drugs just made them a zombie
at the end. This is not happening to me. Im not afraid to die and it might be comforting and inspiring for my family to see me go through it bravely.
at the end. This is not happening to me. Im not afraid to die and it might be comforting and inspiring for my family to see me go through it bravely.
4
Therese--You can't know whether you will have pain at the end or not. Someone I love experienced a horrible accident as a child and incredible physical pain for several years. She recovered and has very little pain at this point.
When asked, she says, "I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of pain."
I want to stay as lucid as I can, but also bless those who let us choose our limits and have the skill to alleviate. I'm old enough to have seen people die the other way, and at some point pain all by itself can change who one is: lucidity is simply lost in suffering, and I can't see to what purpose.
When asked, she says, "I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of pain."
I want to stay as lucid as I can, but also bless those who let us choose our limits and have the skill to alleviate. I'm old enough to have seen people die the other way, and at some point pain all by itself can change who one is: lucidity is simply lost in suffering, and I can't see to what purpose.
3
Im very sorry about your friend. I can certainly understand her fear of pain. No one should suffer through pain.
Doctors are taught to give morphine for all people at the end of life. When people have any pain from injuries they prescribe opiates. People that are afraid of pain or death should be given anxiety drugs instead of morphine. This way
they have a chance to experience the beautiful last moments with their loved ones. Doctors give the strong drugs
out for any little complaint. They dont understand a person
like me who doesnt feel pain like others.
Ive had alot of dental work and gave birth to 2 children without drugs. After a hamstring reattachment I wasnt in pain
so I never took the pain meds. In all those cases doctors tried to convince me I needed the pain meds. In some cases
they thought I needed them a month after the procedure. I
looked at them like they were drug pushers. They have a hard time accepting that some people dont want drugs.
Western medicine depends too much on drugs. Im putting it
in my living will to not drug me at the end unless I ask for it.
Have you visited a nursing home lately? Theyre all drugged
up. In most cases they are not given a choice the doctors have decided to drug them for months or years. Medicare pays for it right?
Doctors are taught to give morphine for all people at the end of life. When people have any pain from injuries they prescribe opiates. People that are afraid of pain or death should be given anxiety drugs instead of morphine. This way
they have a chance to experience the beautiful last moments with their loved ones. Doctors give the strong drugs
out for any little complaint. They dont understand a person
like me who doesnt feel pain like others.
Ive had alot of dental work and gave birth to 2 children without drugs. After a hamstring reattachment I wasnt in pain
so I never took the pain meds. In all those cases doctors tried to convince me I needed the pain meds. In some cases
they thought I needed them a month after the procedure. I
looked at them like they were drug pushers. They have a hard time accepting that some people dont want drugs.
Western medicine depends too much on drugs. Im putting it
in my living will to not drug me at the end unless I ask for it.
Have you visited a nursing home lately? Theyre all drugged
up. In most cases they are not given a choice the doctors have decided to drug them for months or years. Medicare pays for it right?
2
"What are you staring at, Mama?"
"God."
"What does God look like?"
"God."
"God."
"What does God look like?"
"God."
18
My dear friend was in what I call the "traveling" stage, here and not-here. She became quite agitated, and when I asked what was happening, she told me she was being held in the arms of a black man, and they were in a river. "Am I okay? Am I okay? Is this okay? Am I safe?" she asked. Knowing that she had spent much of her life studying ritual and mythology, I asked, "Just remember to breathe, and feel what is happening... how do you feel? Do you feel safe?" A few moments pass, and then... her agitation leaves. "Yes, I feel safe, I feel so safe."
7
Just as the medical establishment has made birth more of a medical experience than one of life's great passages, it has also happened with dying. Hospice is quite wonderful, especially when they make dying at home a reality.
Dying and its lovely ghosts seem to be an ancient experience. —
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp’d towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
Dying and its lovely ghosts seem to be an ancient experience. —
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp’d towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
7
As a nurse I recall most vividly the difficult deaths where there were no consoling dreams.
Any addition we can make to making the dying process easier for the patient is to be applauded, and nurse does hear the dreams, hopes, & terrors.
A ripe area of research that is moving too slowly to clinical practice is the transformation of acute fear and anxiety in terminal patients by treatment with LSD or psilocybin, results that have been known long enough for FDA to allow their use in these cases.
The trauma to patient, family and (yes even the staff can be traumatized) of a difficult death is not always avoidable, but in the 21st century we should be doing a better job of utilizing what we know works.
Any addition we can make to making the dying process easier for the patient is to be applauded, and nurse does hear the dreams, hopes, & terrors.
A ripe area of research that is moving too slowly to clinical practice is the transformation of acute fear and anxiety in terminal patients by treatment with LSD or psilocybin, results that have been known long enough for FDA to allow their use in these cases.
The trauma to patient, family and (yes even the staff can be traumatized) of a difficult death is not always avoidable, but in the 21st century we should be doing a better job of utilizing what we know works.
12
In her essay "Humanism," Marilynne Robinson writes of a different but parallel situation, "This all appears to be straightforward instance of scientists taking as the whole of reality that part of it their methods can report. The methods are as much a matter of vocabulary as of technology., though the two interact and reinforce each other." As a social scientist, I'm very glad to learn these dreams are finally being taken seriously. Having volunteered at an AIDS hospice throughout the 90s, I had residents tell me they needed to pack their bags or ask me if their ticket had come in the mail. People talked of loved ones who had passed on years earlier or friends they'd been separated from for decades. Some of these individuals may have been delirious, but most certainly weren't—at least not by any traditional measure. Instead, those of us at the hospice figured they were doing the work of the dying: making peace with their situation, with the life they had lived (and not lived), and with whatever, if anything, they believed or imagined might lie ahead. When such comments came, we knew the end was near. Such dreams or visions or whatever they might be are an important part of living for those who have the opportunity to experience them. It's good to learn that this fact is being recognized by the scholarly community.
7
The mind and soul are still a mystery; I have an amazing and odd range of dreams; and I'm hale and hearty in middle age. If we cannot understand the drams of the healthy and living, why should we expect to have an 'explanation' for the dreams of the dying?
6
Even the law reveres a dying person’s final words, allowing them to be admitted as evidence in an unusual exception to hearsay rules.
When Edison invented th phonograph, one of his initial aims was to record the final utterances of dying people.
When Edison invented th phonograph, one of his initial aims was to record the final utterances of dying people.
4
I'm sorry but my mothers death was so traumatic no dreams could have comforted her. Under hospice care but the end was terrible. Physically punishing. I cannot see any peace some people speak of, just torture from dying. I was by her side and hospice did whT they could but I would not allow another loved one to go through that. It's not humane.
3
The spouse of my very close friend and mentor is dieing. I am her surrogate. Today she told me that she had, not a dream but a ghost story. Confused, involving people from her past, in a complex life and death scenario. I am not qualified to interpret it (as if anyone is), but it surely suggests her awareness of the impending end. And it pains me greatly.
2
Why would family members be distressed by a dying relative seeing dead people? Why would they tell caregivers to "do something about it"? I would be pleased if someone I cared about told me that he or she saw a deceased friend or relative visiting, or waiting. You want a dying person to feel happy, loved, and cared for. What could be better than to know that the person has friends on the other side (or believes that to be so)? I would hope only that what was seen was not upsetting in any way.
When my father was dying he saw things from when he was serving in WWII. Not horrible things, as far as I could determine, but things of wonder. It was definitely delirium. It was alarming to see at first, but I was glad that he could step away from the awfulness of the present. It made sense that he would travel back to the prime of his life, when he encountered things not seen before. It did bother me a little that the time travel was to a period well before I -- or any of my siblings -- existed. But at the time I was still very young.
When my father was dying he saw things from when he was serving in WWII. Not horrible things, as far as I could determine, but things of wonder. It was definitely delirium. It was alarming to see at first, but I was glad that he could step away from the awfulness of the present. It made sense that he would travel back to the prime of his life, when he encountered things not seen before. It did bother me a little that the time travel was to a period well before I -- or any of my siblings -- existed. But at the time I was still very young.
6
I used to work in a long-term care hospital. An elderly male patent was transported to the exercise room in his wheelchair. He was moderately, but pleasantly, demented and spoke little, and he usually participated slowly with simple exercises.
That day, he sat quietly and seemed highly attentive to some unseen presence in the room. His expression changed into a beautiful, joyful smile, and he lifted his arms wide, as if accepting some glorious light and love pouring down upon him. He remained entranced in this manner for several minutes, seeming unaware of gentle staff questions, "Can you tell us what you see?"
He had not been particularly ill, but he died peacefully in his sleep a day or two later. I think he may have had a visionary preview of his welcoming, after-death destination.
I recommend the following -
(1) Article - "A Western Book Of The Dead" - Robert Moss - newdawnmagazine.com
(2) Book - "Dreaming Yourself Awake: Lucid Dreaming And Tibetan Yoga ..." by B.Alan Wallace and Brian Hodel
(3) YouTube - "William Buhlman's Afterlife Training At The Afterlife Conference 2015"
(4) Past Issues/Lucid Dreaming Experience Magazine - dreaminglucid.com
(5) Book - "The Tibetan Book Of The Dead"
Compiled by W.Y. Evans- Wentz - selfdefinition.org
(6) Health Journeys - healthjourneys.com
Guided imagery CDs and MP3s
Examples - "Hospice and Pallalive Care", "Relieve Stress","Healthful Sleep"
(7) Article - "What Is Guided Imagery?" - healthjourneys.com
That day, he sat quietly and seemed highly attentive to some unseen presence in the room. His expression changed into a beautiful, joyful smile, and he lifted his arms wide, as if accepting some glorious light and love pouring down upon him. He remained entranced in this manner for several minutes, seeming unaware of gentle staff questions, "Can you tell us what you see?"
He had not been particularly ill, but he died peacefully in his sleep a day or two later. I think he may have had a visionary preview of his welcoming, after-death destination.
I recommend the following -
(1) Article - "A Western Book Of The Dead" - Robert Moss - newdawnmagazine.com
(2) Book - "Dreaming Yourself Awake: Lucid Dreaming And Tibetan Yoga ..." by B.Alan Wallace and Brian Hodel
(3) YouTube - "William Buhlman's Afterlife Training At The Afterlife Conference 2015"
(4) Past Issues/Lucid Dreaming Experience Magazine - dreaminglucid.com
(5) Book - "The Tibetan Book Of The Dead"
Compiled by W.Y. Evans- Wentz - selfdefinition.org
(6) Health Journeys - healthjourneys.com
Guided imagery CDs and MP3s
Examples - "Hospice and Pallalive Care", "Relieve Stress","Healthful Sleep"
(7) Article - "What Is Guided Imagery?" - healthjourneys.com
9
Good recommendations! And if you're more scientifically inclined, Tom Campbell is a very good source.
One must differentiate between hallucinations/delirium and "nearing" death awareness. A hallucination is seeing a three foot spider crawling up a wall. Nearing death awareness is when someone who is nearing end of life sees a loved one or friend that has died, angels or a religious figure that means something to the person. These are not dreams and are very real experiences for the person. For many people this brings them peace during the sometimes difficult journey of dying. From my experiences as a former hospice chaplain these experiences cross all belief systems, age, culture, etc.
17
It seems, in reading the article, its not the dying who are concerned about their dreams but instead the living who are distressed. And why are physicians so uncomfortable with such a natural process that they believe it has to be researched - to what end? So they can say health care providers should respect and support a dying patient, and educate their family how to recognize and accept the dying process? Nurses have been doing this, and we don't need to study and clinically sterilize it. We know it, and we can just allow it to happen, compassionately, holding hands, giving a shoulder, or quietly bringing additional tissue boxes with a softly spoken 'I'm here if you need me'.
5
I can only hope that it is in order to not continue to dismiss something incredibly beautiful and profound as "hallucinations."
1
Excellent!!!!!!!!
When my mom died I was only 29. My father was sick and dying himself at the time. I never dreamed about my mother until after my father died. Mom visited me and said she wasn't really dead: she's just needed some time away because caring for my father was too much for her. I don't have any disillusioned ideas that it was actually her, rather my mind, missing her so terribly. I imagine this is what happens at the end of life as well.
6
Missing our parents terribly. The word that you chose, "terribly," says it so well. No one can prepare you for that loss or the intensity of the grief, and it may subside but it never ends. I don't myself believer in god or an afterlife, but if it did exist, those are the two people I'd want to spend eternity with.
2
About two weeks before my father died he told me had been having dreams about my mother and seemed very concerned. I told him that in a way she was able to live again through his dreams. Now, it is apparent that my interpretation may have only been part of the story. I love science but it can't explain everything. As this article says these dreams may ahve been his own personal pathway toward his future.
2
Dreams can help loved ones nearing their end and us in having some resolution to our life experiences and relationships.
Marie Louise Von Franz advanced Jung's work with dreams, especially dreams of the dying. It's important to value oneself and others and try to understand where we have failed or have been seriously harmed, what our hopes are.
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/992266.On_Dreams_and_Death
Dreams can be a guide. Jung made it simple determining what we think, feel or sense somatically in direct relation to each element of a dream.
ie people, places, things, animals, voices, sounds etc
Mythology, fairy tales, the Bible can help amplify the dream where there are similar parallels. Joseph Campbell confirmed this. Myths are the collective dream. Personal dreams can reveal our myth or drama.
How we treat ourselves and others can determine our dreams, myth, karma etc. The golden rule has always been the golden path. Realizing our iniquity and past trauma can help.
The important things is letting dreams live without rationalizing or interpreting them to death.
Eg Painting, dancing, sculpting, reliving etc
Medication should be a last resort. Interpretations are best left to the dreamer to avoid harm. A dear aunt had nightmares of being in her church except it was cold, dark and empty. She was very devout. I wasn't about to tell her that her religion did this to her, telling her what to think and feel rather than determine for herself.
Marie Louise Von Franz advanced Jung's work with dreams, especially dreams of the dying. It's important to value oneself and others and try to understand where we have failed or have been seriously harmed, what our hopes are.
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/992266.On_Dreams_and_Death
Dreams can be a guide. Jung made it simple determining what we think, feel or sense somatically in direct relation to each element of a dream.
ie people, places, things, animals, voices, sounds etc
Mythology, fairy tales, the Bible can help amplify the dream where there are similar parallels. Joseph Campbell confirmed this. Myths are the collective dream. Personal dreams can reveal our myth or drama.
How we treat ourselves and others can determine our dreams, myth, karma etc. The golden rule has always been the golden path. Realizing our iniquity and past trauma can help.
The important things is letting dreams live without rationalizing or interpreting them to death.
Eg Painting, dancing, sculpting, reliving etc
Medication should be a last resort. Interpretations are best left to the dreamer to avoid harm. A dear aunt had nightmares of being in her church except it was cold, dark and empty. She was very devout. I wasn't about to tell her that her religion did this to her, telling her what to think and feel rather than determine for herself.
4
Could it be that those dead people perceived by the dying were actually the essence of the dead taking on human form for the purpose of helping the dying over the threshold? Why is this aspect of the (so-called) paranormal discounted, but almost everyone trying to become President of the United States must constantly tell us about their belief in a supreme being and someone who came down from heaven to offer us salvation?
9
Whow!! That is way too large a leap to let logic take you. On either issue. Read Spinoza, etc.
I've been ranting about this lately...will be taking it to the airwaves so.
Yes, exactly.
Yes, exactly.
Interesting that the no one dreams about spending more time on line, having more money, or working more. In those last moments when life's imperatives are crystallized, we more often than not dwell on those who have made this life worth living, those we have wronged and those we have missed. It is, ultimately, those human connections, so often taken for granted in life, that return to us with stricking vivacity at our life's end. If only there was a way to harness this appreciation more consistently amidst the chaos of everyday living. What a rich, wonderful place this life would be.
59
Well said! Grammar: Striking; vividness. But I love it.
2
Great observation. This is a fascinating topic that deserves more thought and research. Whether you believe in God and an afterlife or not - no one gets out alive!
'The patient had never really talked about the war. But in his final dreams, the stories emerged. In the first, the bloody dying were everywhere. On Omaha Beach, at Normandy. In the waves. He was a 17-year-old gunner on a rescue boat, trying frantically to bring them back to the U.S.S. Texas. “There is nothing but death and dead soldiers all around me,” he said.'
few people who see live combat ever forget, even decades later. this fact says a lot about memory and the human brain.
few people who see live combat ever forget, even decades later. this fact says a lot about memory and the human brain.
7
My 95 year old aunt was pretty sharp until the end, although she would sometimes say that her brothers - my dad and uncle, both deceased - had been to visit her. She had living siblings, but never said they had been to visit when they hadn't. I like to think my dad and uncle were spending time with her before she departed.
13
This article reminds me how completely unprepared I was to hold my 90 year old father in my arms as he died last July. Even though I was 53 years old at the time, I had never before seen a dead person prior to being embalmed, never mind been with a person as they went through the final process of dying. The fact that we are reliant on scientific studies of hospice workers' notes to know how to converse with those who at the end of their lives just further reinforces my feeling that we need to re-embrace dying as a natural part of life. We need to be with our loved ones through every stage of life, including death. Very glad this study is taking place, but let's take the information from this study and use it to help those of us who are in early and midlife learn from, connect to, and comfort those who are playing their end game.
31
What seems so odd about this article is the lack of reporting on religious dreams of the dying (which I would guess are most common). People have very vivid dreams (both good and bad) when they are dying and God often is a major part of those dreams. Another aspect this article misses is the "regrets/making peace" themes. People begin to review their lives and they regrets are often the greatest part of that review.
I get that the NY Times is an agnostic paper but this article is almost malpractice when it comes to the dying. The dying want family and often a priest/minister/pastor/rabbi present or around when they are dying. Both are usually sources of comfort. The physician and caregivers are needed for the dying body, but frankly, they usually do very little for the spirit.
I get that the NY Times is an agnostic paper but this article is almost malpractice when it comes to the dying. The dying want family and often a priest/minister/pastor/rabbi present or around when they are dying. Both are usually sources of comfort. The physician and caregivers are needed for the dying body, but frankly, they usually do very little for the spirit.
4
I'm an author and have interviewed both near-death experiencers and individuals who had 'dreamt' of loved ones and friends who've passed. Those of us involved in the field believe these 'dreams' are in fact, 'visitations.' These differ from dreams in several accounts: they are as 'vivid' a day, a month or even years later, as they were when they first occurred. They tend to consist of one or several individuals who have passed, who provide reassurance to the person who is experiencing the visitation. They are not a mish-mash like most dreams, nor do they 'crumble' when the person wakes up. Indeed, the experiencer can relate the visitation very clearly. The purpose, whether the person is at the end-of-life or is in good health, seems to be to provide comfort, reassurance, and a sense of well-being. Near-death experiencers will often 'see' their loved ones during their NDE's as well, and this too seems to offer them a message of continuity. My book is Life After Near Death:Miraculous Stories of Healing and Transformation in the Extraordinary Lives of People With Newfound Powers.
9
My 91-year old mother-in-law had dementia and was in hospice care at home for her final three weeks. A day before her death, she stared past the shoulder of her long-time caregiver at something apparently familiar. She reached out her right arm, according to the caregiver.
In the judgement of the caregiver, my MIL saw her deceased husband and extended her hand to him.
Because my MIL could no longer speak intelligently, there was no way to ask her whom or what she saw. Knowing they had a happy 50-year marriage, I believe this analysis. It may also be she saw one of her four deceased sisters or brother, or other loved one.
In the judgement of the caregiver, my MIL saw her deceased husband and extended her hand to him.
Because my MIL could no longer speak intelligently, there was no way to ask her whom or what she saw. Knowing they had a happy 50-year marriage, I believe this analysis. It may also be she saw one of her four deceased sisters or brother, or other loved one.
2
Steve Job's sister wrote a very moving piece for the New York Times, recounting her bedside vigil when he died. His last words were "Wow. Wow." Now this was a guy who was very well versed in LSD travels, and I've often thought about what he saw. Perhaps a group of his unknown Syrian ancestors? He was adopted, after all. I'm sure he knew that his death experience would be the ultimate trip of his lifetime.
Beautiful story! Thank you. Even when the body deteriorates, the human mind remains a wonder.
6
It seems to me the worst thing about hospice is that the morphine stopped my mother's dreaming/visioning/communicating/sharing process of death. I agree with Dr Kerr's comment about "sterilizing the process." Such a loss.
12
Two weeks prior to my mother's death, during a hospital visit, she told me she saw her mother and sister standing with someone on the other side of the room that she could not recognize. Her mother and sister had long passes away years earlier, I responded that they had just come to let her know that every thing was going to be ok, that they were here to show her that. When my sister came in the room I told her about the vision my mother had, my sister laughed and stated it was the pain drugs the doctors put our mother that probably had her tripping! I in my heart knew better, that my sister was the one tripping! This occurred in February of 2001.
13
I think the persons we don't recognize are relatives, who died before we got to know them. Perhaps also people who we barely recalled in our life, but to whom whatever we did had great significance.
My best friend, who suffered two and a half years from a medical error before dying as a result of it, told me one day that she had been seeing ghosts. I didn't understand the significance of it at the time--but she died less than a month later! I sat at her deathbed for 30 hours, during which time she was sedated with morphine to "keep her comfortable." I wonder whether that robbed her of clarity in the process. The Tibetan Book of the Dead says that what you are thinking when you die is of great significance. We shouldn't muffle the mental clarity of a dying person unless he or she really is in unbearable pain.
9
Happily or not, we live in a culture where the new priests tell us that if it can't be measured and mathematized, it doesn't exist (see Dr. Quill's "hospice romantics" comment). On the happy side of that equation, those who claim to have been abducted by aliens or are friendly with bigfoot can be easily ignored. On the unhappy side, life is stripped not only of any kind of magic but, too often, of any kind of transcendent purpose or meaning.
Personally, I think we've given up far too much in our genuflection at the altar of science. Interestingly though, as one who can't read enough about the outer limits (if you will) of our scientific knowledge, I can tell you that we know a whole lot less than what our new priests pretend. But I guess just like priests-of-old, they love having their rings kissed and and their dogma spread.
Hence, far too may actually believe that if you die with the most toys you "win." Thankfully though, as this article seems to confirm, when you are actually face-to-face with your own mortality, magic can re-enter the picture.
Personally, I think we've given up far too much in our genuflection at the altar of science. Interestingly though, as one who can't read enough about the outer limits (if you will) of our scientific knowledge, I can tell you that we know a whole lot less than what our new priests pretend. But I guess just like priests-of-old, they love having their rings kissed and and their dogma spread.
Hence, far too may actually believe that if you die with the most toys you "win." Thankfully though, as this article seems to confirm, when you are actually face-to-face with your own mortality, magic can re-enter the picture.
17
A fascinating exploration of this subject, but it ignores an enormous number of anecdotal reports that have been collected over the past two centuries about deathbed visions (or DBVs). That material is tainted in the eyes of these current scientists, however, because it carries the stigma of being conducted by parapsychologists—that is, by researchers who were open to the possibility that what people on their deathbeds are seeing *are actually the spirits of their departed relatives.*
However, If you talk to palliative care nurses and hospice workers you will hear an abundance of these stories. Of course you can explain them all away as some sort of psychological wish-fulfillment. And perhaps you are correct—it is unlikely we can have definitive proof either way. In my mind, we should at least consider the parsimonious possibility that what deathbed visions *appear to be* is exactly what they *are.*
But whatever the explanation, these are powerful, transformative, and healing experiences not just for those who are dying, but those who are witnesses to their experiences. That's real enough for me.
However, If you talk to palliative care nurses and hospice workers you will hear an abundance of these stories. Of course you can explain them all away as some sort of psychological wish-fulfillment. And perhaps you are correct—it is unlikely we can have definitive proof either way. In my mind, we should at least consider the parsimonious possibility that what deathbed visions *appear to be* is exactly what they *are.*
But whatever the explanation, these are powerful, transformative, and healing experiences not just for those who are dying, but those who are witnesses to their experiences. That's real enough for me.
36
But we all have brains/minds that have images/memories of people we know, and we can recall them mentally, and we may inhabit our nighttime dreams. What are those - the spirits of the non-departed? I see no reason such memories and images could not come into play in the dreams at the end of life.
1
Sitting in my father's room in hospice during what turned out to be the night he died, I saw my birth mother, my second mother, and my grandmother, all clearly waiting for my dad to join them. I have always assumed my dad saw them too...
38
The main question is to know who are "the dying". Aren't we all dying from the instant of birth? What about the "morituri te salutant"? How long time before the actual decease is the "span of time of the dying". As I am certain, and very happy about it, of my demise should I start taking into account my dreams?
3
Very moving article.
As an art therapist for over 35 years, if the patient is capable of using a pad and colored cra pas or markers, this could be an invaluable way to capture the memory image of the dream. While I haven't worked with this population for many years, I did this work myself. It was extremely valuable for both patient and therapist to have art material available, (if they were interested in using them).
As an art therapist for over 35 years, if the patient is capable of using a pad and colored cra pas or markers, this could be an invaluable way to capture the memory image of the dream. While I haven't worked with this population for many years, I did this work myself. It was extremely valuable for both patient and therapist to have art material available, (if they were interested in using them).
5
My dad, who was 85, with renal failure and cancer, had no intention of dying. He was in a rehab facility (where he had previously been for rehab) until a nursing home/hospice place opened. He dreamt about a murder (which really happened--the murderer he cited is serving life) but talked about crazy things, including a cabin resort in another state, and being questioned by state troopers (which didn't happen--the murder was in the '80s). I was really shaken by his dreams/hallucinations. The nurses said it was a sign he was about to die. He died three months later.
3
I have been struck by how common dreams of beautiful gardens are for the dying. My mother had this vision as she was dying as have others whom I have known. I mentioned this to a nurse friend who had worked in hospice at one time and she told me it was not uncommon and she told me that in Scandanavia this is referred to as "the roses of death". Also common in my experience is the dying talking from to people from their past who were not visible to me. My mother was quite bitter about dying young from cancer until she had a dream of seeing my dead father, her parents and others whom she had loved. This dream completely changed her demeanor and she became peaceful and died a few days later, ironically on Mother's Day! Whatever the neurobiochemical processes at work in these cases, they seem to be beneficial to the dying.
10
I guess this is more of a NDE because her heart stopped, but my mom was dying, albeit it slowly.
After one of her heart stoppages and revivals, I asked her what she had seen. She said she saw a big ball of yarn of many different colors and each color represented some aspect of life.
After her death, I had two experiences, one in which I saw her (in my mind's eye? For real?) almost as one would see an old fashioned painting in an oval frame. I was doing something mundane, not even thinking of her (I was cleaning the cat pan) when suddenly there she was to my right and she said, "It's all true, everything. You see everyone who has died." For a good seven minutes afterward I was a believer in the afterlife. The second time, I was lying in bed with my usual pillow over my eyes, when a drop (teardrop?) hit my upper lip. "Ma?", I asked? Later I checked the ceiling, no leaks.
During a time of stress I dreamed of her. I felt awake and she hugged me. But when I looked into her eyes, I knew she was dead. Every other time that I've dreamed of her, I don't know she has passed. She's always her younger self.
Last story, one night I dreamt of my ex-father-in-law (hadn't seen nor heard from him in 30 years), I dreamt I was "driving" down my hallway in an invisible car. I knew he was behind me. I kept thinking to myself, turn around, say something, but I didn't. The next day, my ex called to say his dad had died.
Death, inevitable, but forever mysterious.
After one of her heart stoppages and revivals, I asked her what she had seen. She said she saw a big ball of yarn of many different colors and each color represented some aspect of life.
After her death, I had two experiences, one in which I saw her (in my mind's eye? For real?) almost as one would see an old fashioned painting in an oval frame. I was doing something mundane, not even thinking of her (I was cleaning the cat pan) when suddenly there she was to my right and she said, "It's all true, everything. You see everyone who has died." For a good seven minutes afterward I was a believer in the afterlife. The second time, I was lying in bed with my usual pillow over my eyes, when a drop (teardrop?) hit my upper lip. "Ma?", I asked? Later I checked the ceiling, no leaks.
During a time of stress I dreamed of her. I felt awake and she hugged me. But when I looked into her eyes, I knew she was dead. Every other time that I've dreamed of her, I don't know she has passed. She's always her younger self.
Last story, one night I dreamt of my ex-father-in-law (hadn't seen nor heard from him in 30 years), I dreamt I was "driving" down my hallway in an invisible car. I knew he was behind me. I kept thinking to myself, turn around, say something, but I didn't. The next day, my ex called to say his dad had died.
Death, inevitable, but forever mysterious.
32
My husband, an English citizen, died of cancer at the age of 51. HIs last three weeks were spent in the hospital. While there, he continually reminded me to make sure he had his passport. He thought he was going on a trip. At one point, when standing outside his room, I heard him talking to someone. I had assumed he was talking to me and I couldn't hear him clearly, so I walked inside his room. When I asked him what he said, he told me he wasn't talking to me. I don't know who he was talking to, but there was no one else in his room, or near him at the time. I have always believed he was speaking to his grandmother, who died from the same cancer. He told me earlier that his grandmother was looking out for him. His childhood friend wanted to fly in from England to visit him but my husband was adamant, he did not want to see him in his current condition. I had begged my husband to allow his friend to come. My husband reluctantly relented 4 days before his death. For the last three days of my husband's life, he was in a light coma but would wake up every few hours to ask when his friend, Terry, was arriving. Four hours before he died, he woke up and asked again. I told him Terry would be there in a few hours, in the early morning as he was coming directly from the airport. My husband died three hours later. I have always believed he did not want to see his friend, and chose to die before his friend came. My husband was strong willed.
12
My Grandmother who lived with my Parents at the time of her death, began to come to breakfast seemingly refreshed and in good frame of mind, telling my parents that she had had a good visit with Brother and Sister, a name she used for two of her siblings. My mother who was a bit taken aback just replied, "well that's nice". This occurred several times prior to her death a few months later. I believe that as we closer to our deaths maybe we begin to see over to the other side. Who knows, but I think it is comforting and natural.
30
And then there are the dreams we the living have of our deceased loved ones. My wife died in May 2014 and I occasionally have dreams where we meet up somewhere. She appears to be well and not particularly interested in this world - this life - anymore. I wish she'd stop by more often. I miss her here.
76
Charlie, I am so sorry for your loss. Perhaps, her seeming indifference is her way of telling you to think about moving forward with your life without her. Hard, I am sure, but maybe that is what SHE wants for you. Many Blessings to you.
7
While I can appreciate and understand the discussions highlighted in this article about the "so-called deathbed phenomena," I was taught to interpret such dreams and visions in a different way. My late husband was a Native American who was raised and taught by Elders in a Traditional way. As part of his work, he counseled may individuals on their deathbeds, as well as their distraught family members.
His interpretation was that the dreams and visions of the dying are not psychological constructs of the mind to comfort the terminally ill. They are, in fact, visitations and messages from the ancestors who have passed on. Many times, such visions will happen within a week or days before a person dies. He interpreted this as "the Spirits gathering to assist in the person's journey home." To him, these dreams and visions were real spiritual experiences that should be respected and acknowledged.
His interpretation was that the dreams and visions of the dying are not psychological constructs of the mind to comfort the terminally ill. They are, in fact, visitations and messages from the ancestors who have passed on. Many times, such visions will happen within a week or days before a person dies. He interpreted this as "the Spirits gathering to assist in the person's journey home." To him, these dreams and visions were real spiritual experiences that should be respected and acknowledged.
112
My late husband, a Hungarian Holocaust survivor who crawled out of Hungary during the 1956 Revolution, said he never dreamt - ever. Having been traumatized as an adolescent, I suspected he had managed to repress them. However, a few weeks before he suddenly died from Valley Fever, he had two vivid dreams. In the first one, he was walking in a winter forest with a small band of male friends. They came across another young man in an overcoat who said he, too, was one of them. But when they took off his overcoat, saw that he had a Nazi uniform on. My husband, a peaceful man, then stabbed this man in the neck. In the second dream a few days later, he found himself walking up a hill. Behind him, he had gathered all his American family and friends. He was talking to his father, long dead, who seemed to be in the sky. He said, "Look, Abpa (that's what he called his father), see what I have accomplished." After he told me this, we both wept.
29
I loved your story and your fathers. I've been a hospice nurse. Your experience touched me. Thank you.
1
Very touching. He must have carried a heavy burden as a survivor. That dream was a vindication of his life: re-building the families decimated by the Holocaust. Yes, he did accomplish much.
2
Several weeks before he became ill, my father-in-law started asking me about his dog. "Have you seen Buster? Is he OK?" Apparently, Buster was a childhood pet that he had never mentioned to me in the 50 years I had known him. He also asked after several long-passed relatives and his late wife, but Buster's fate worried him.
I began to answer him that Buster was OK, that someone was taking good care of him.
One morning after he had been in the hospital for several days suffering from the pneumonia which would take him a few days later, he greeted me with real excitement; "Buster came back! He was just out messin' around." He was grinning like he had not done in weeks. Actually, I knew then that would die soon.
I began to answer him that Buster was OK, that someone was taking good care of him.
One morning after he had been in the hospital for several days suffering from the pneumonia which would take him a few days later, he greeted me with real excitement; "Buster came back! He was just out messin' around." He was grinning like he had not done in weeks. Actually, I knew then that would die soon.
47
I almost never received a telephone call from my 90+ year old father in his final years. I called him or staffperson from the Veteran's Home (California, not federal) would call me about him. One day during his last year, I answered the phone and it was him; he had insisted the staff place a call to me for him. He was ecstatic; "I have cured AIDS," he reported. I was incredulous and we talked awhile and eventually he said goodbye.
It had been 20 years since my brother had died from an HIV related infection and I had known that his death had badly affected both of my parents. But after so much time, I had no idea how much it had continued to haunt my father.
It had been 20 years since my brother had died from an HIV related infection and I had known that his death had badly affected both of my parents. But after so much time, I had no idea how much it had continued to haunt my father.
25
I'm a family physician. I witness dying all the time, and prepare patients and their families for death and dying. The demi-monde of delirium might well be interpreted as the ante-chamber to the next world. I tell patients' families that once the loved-one puts even a toe into the next world, they can't be whole in this world, hence the disturbed sensorium, and not to fear it. Interpret with your heart, not your head. I tell them to stay alert through the dying process - one will often experience the dying person's 'proclamation' that God-is-One - the at-One-ment with the universe, reunion with the Creator when we die. It may be a look, a touch, a sound, a passing-shadow, or it may be almost-imagined. Our job, as loved-ones of the dying person, is to give gifts - of recognition, of acceptance and of forgiveness (of the departing-one, of siblings and other family, and esp. of ourselves) to comfort and console the dying. Telling a dying person that it's OK, you're at-one with it is powerful healing (to make-whole, to hallow or make-holy). Witnessing a death of a loved-one can be transformative - if you have the ears to see with and the eyes to hear with. The sages allude to a reality beyond three dimensions, and our limited ability to sense it.
87
Beautifully stated. But if you read the comments of another above, doctors "have to have their noses pushed in it, reluctant to understand."
2
You don't have to be a doctor to be a healer. But you do have to be a healer to be a doctor.
9
I've not been privileged to hear such dreams. I am, however, somewhat skilled in Jungian dream analysis; and these dreams lend them themselves to such an approach. In fact, it would be even better if the dream process began a bit earlier since Jung's approach is that dreams deal with important problems and often provide a possible solution. For those still struggling an analysis of dreams earlier might result in the "comforting" ones reported. We all want a "good death" and to die peacefully, but the sad fact is that very few of us actually do. Dream analysis offers one possible way to do so.
5
Part of my family lore is a story that my mother told a number of times. When her grandmother lay dying, she said she saw the blond hair of her oldest daughter who died at the age of 12. Her last words were that she "could hear the angels sing," and was content to let go. Fascinating to us children (I am now 60).
27
Once again, the nurses know what is going on, and the doctors have to have their noses pushed in it, reluctant to understand.
56
Yes of course talkingstick 0 (?). doctors are so stupid, they could not find their way out of a hospital room without a nurse to guide them. Why do nurses (like you I presume) feel the need to constantly berate those they work with ? Low self esteem?
1
No, because it's generally true.
8
No, Virginia, I think nurses want people to understand that docs need help, sometimes. The nurse is the person that spends the most time with the patient, so their word should be respected, accepted, and sought. It's just another good way to let us all know how much the nurse does.
Yes, I'm a nurse, and yes, I feel the same way as talkingstick. We're not berating, just educating.
Yes, I'm a nurse, and yes, I feel the same way as talkingstick. We're not berating, just educating.
9
Now connect the dots. Suppose you were having an end-of-life dream or vision (ELDV) or even a near-death experience (NDE) and then you died without regaining consciousness? You most likely would not know that you had died, and thus FOR YOU your “dream” would become timeless and everlasting. Why? Because you would never know that the dream has ended. For more on this, search for “natural afterlife” on the internet.
6
I loved reading this article, and was comforted, although find it difficult to put these feelings into words .
24
Oh no, another obstacle to being left in peace to die.
12
I find the entire topic fascinating but in real terms, I think educating Hospice workers and giving Hospice workers tools on how to react to patients reporting these dreams or caring for patients having these visions is invaluable.
Because if Hospice workers have more training and a better understanding, it can only mean more comfort to patients and their loved ones.
This is not to say that all hospice workers are failing in this regard - not at all. Many hospice workers already know what this article discusses, but some may not.
Because if Hospice workers have more training and a better understanding, it can only mean more comfort to patients and their loved ones.
This is not to say that all hospice workers are failing in this regard - not at all. Many hospice workers already know what this article discusses, but some may not.
9
It is not the hospice workers who need this "training" but the doctors who refuse to place their dying patients on hospice, who refuse to inform families that hospice is the best option for their dying loved one, who go all-out in the ICU on patients for whom there is no true chance of recovery because they cannot admit to themselves that death is inevitable and pooh pooh anyone who suggests there is more happening than what they learned in medical school.
6
This is a real problem, yes.
My brother died of cancer in 2014. He had the great misfortune to take a turn for the worse shortly before a long holiday weekend. The staff at the hospital had to know how dire the situation was. It was the oncology floor, after all - surely they'd seen a dying man before. But nobody would make a decision about anything over a long holiday weekend. The doctors and nurses on rotation at the hospital were there to keep him alive, full stop, and they just kept on keeping on despite the very obvious. They kept bringing in trays of food after he lost the ability to eat, kept prodding at him to check his vitals, etc.
Once my brother's oncologist came back from his holiday weekend, he immediately sent my brother to hospice. But by that time, my brother had fewer than 24 hours left. I now realize that we should have insisted on this transfer days or even a couple of weeks before it happened. Yet nobody wanted to make that call. I'm not really angry at the hospital folks for just doing the job they were paid to do (especially the nurses), but I am angry that not one of the doctors on rotation that last long weekend had the courage to admit the obvious to us. We had never watched anyone die. (Our brother was only 47.)
The hospital is a wonderful place to be if there's any hope of saving your life. But if you are full to the brim with cancer and most definitely dying, hospice is better. It is a calmer, quieter, more peaceful place.
My brother died of cancer in 2014. He had the great misfortune to take a turn for the worse shortly before a long holiday weekend. The staff at the hospital had to know how dire the situation was. It was the oncology floor, after all - surely they'd seen a dying man before. But nobody would make a decision about anything over a long holiday weekend. The doctors and nurses on rotation at the hospital were there to keep him alive, full stop, and they just kept on keeping on despite the very obvious. They kept bringing in trays of food after he lost the ability to eat, kept prodding at him to check his vitals, etc.
Once my brother's oncologist came back from his holiday weekend, he immediately sent my brother to hospice. But by that time, my brother had fewer than 24 hours left. I now realize that we should have insisted on this transfer days or even a couple of weeks before it happened. Yet nobody wanted to make that call. I'm not really angry at the hospital folks for just doing the job they were paid to do (especially the nurses), but I am angry that not one of the doctors on rotation that last long weekend had the courage to admit the obvious to us. We had never watched anyone die. (Our brother was only 47.)
The hospital is a wonderful place to be if there's any hope of saving your life. But if you are full to the brim with cancer and most definitely dying, hospice is better. It is a calmer, quieter, more peaceful place.
12
Everyone's dreams are strange. And so it is not surprising, not at all, that the vivid dreams of this with disturbed sleep, or in discomfort, or in fear and worry, will be even stranger.
As one neurologist told me, "Look, your mother's brain is dying." It was actually quite normal, quite common, when she mistook me for her doctor, and then her brother, and then her father, and my father. And common and normal were her sleeping fantasies (her dreams).
As one neurologist told me, "Look, your mother's brain is dying." It was actually quite normal, quite common, when she mistook me for her doctor, and then her brother, and then her father, and my father. And common and normal were her sleeping fantasies (her dreams).
10
Reading this article brings to mind my favorite adventure game "To the Moon" where two scientists go into the mind of a dying man to traverse his memories so he can work through traumatic events from the past and die in peace, living out one last wish. I can't recommend it enough.
It's hard for me to be a materialist sometime when I are bearing the weight of dreams, both kind and unkind.
It's hard for me to be a materialist sometime when I are bearing the weight of dreams, both kind and unkind.
8
An important article. However, it seems to me that the author is not aware of the pioneering work on the experiences of the dying done by the eminent British psychiatrist, Peter Fenwick. His (and his wife's) book on the subject: The Art of Dying was published in 2008.
8
A link to a study by Peter Fenwick is embedded in the article.
3
I had a patient once who had the following dream as she lay dying: She was near a refrigerator and the door opened and all the food came out along with her dead husband )who was alive in real life.)
After she told me the dream, she was able to tell me that her husband, who she stayed with only for the health insurance, had molested their now teenaged daughter when she was young. The patient was afraid that he would molest their young son when she was gone.
When my mother was dying, she was semi-comatose and told me that she was at the races (something she liked to do), and she had bet on the 7-3 but not on the 3-7. Could I go bet on the 3-7? I said, "I will always hedge your bets, Mother." This seemed to reassure her; she was worried about the things she hadn't done.
After she told me the dream, she was able to tell me that her husband, who she stayed with only for the health insurance, had molested their now teenaged daughter when she was young. The patient was afraid that he would molest their young son when she was gone.
When my mother was dying, she was semi-comatose and told me that she was at the races (something she liked to do), and she had bet on the 7-3 but not on the 3-7. Could I go bet on the 3-7? I said, "I will always hedge your bets, Mother." This seemed to reassure her; she was worried about the things she hadn't done.
9
Our human ability to organize information not directly related to our immediate sensory stimulation is a sign that consciousness is a much larger condition than what we rationally experience in our normal awakened moments. The capacity to dream appears as a sign of an immortal soul, reaching beyond our experience of life and form without restraints of place and time.
33
Yes , dreams point to the soul , energies , forces unseen. Our imprint / connection to the Divine .
From the ancient Greeks , thru the Judeo- Christian - Islamic Tradition , Australian aborigines, Native American and on and on . The modern work of Jung has been very helpful . The good that these studies into dreams show is that there is a spiritual world / soul / the Creator and that the world is not simply mechanistic , without purpose or direction and that " he who dies with the most toys / wealth" does nt necessarily win. Just cause there is suffering it does nt negate Providence as certain groups would have the masses believe
From the ancient Greeks , thru the Judeo- Christian - Islamic Tradition , Australian aborigines, Native American and on and on . The modern work of Jung has been very helpful . The good that these studies into dreams show is that there is a spiritual world / soul / the Creator and that the world is not simply mechanistic , without purpose or direction and that " he who dies with the most toys / wealth" does nt necessarily win. Just cause there is suffering it does nt negate Providence as certain groups would have the masses believe
5
I continue to be amazed at The Times continuing ignorance of contemporary dream research and of the existence of the International Association for the Study of Dreams. I see that the doctor interviewed does not appear to be a member. Here is a wider context for this research -- from the perspective of not merely neurobiologists, but also psychologists, ministers, and community dream workers. Yes, commenter, von Franz on the subject is excellent, but she is also dead. For example, a more contemporary treatment is "Dreaming Beyond Death: A Guide to Pre-Death Dreams and Visions" by Bulkley and Bulkeley. Published 2006! The authors are a Professor of Theology and Past-President of IASD, and a hospice chaplain of long experience -- who happen to be mother and son. Please, NY Times, be aware of what is already out there!
33
In fact there is a link embedded in the story to the Bulkley/Bulkeley book, and a related story listed by Prof. Bulkeley.
6
well we are not all as versed in these things as you and I am glad the Times printed the article to much wider audience.
3
Another wonderful book on this subject is Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying, written by hospice nurses Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley. It was of great value to me in my personal and professional life as an HIV nurse.
17
This book was vital to me as my father was dying. It taught me to watch and listen carefully. My dad had so many things to tell us in his last months--and he did! Because of this book, my posture was one of gentle listening, not demanding, not interfering. Because of that, my experience with my dad was so beautiful and I heard him when he said he was ready to go, and that he was going soon. I was somehow prepared and wanted to support him on his journey. My sister could not listen for all her fears and attempts to "help"--I think she has had a harder time letting him go because of it. I am grateful for that book and I share it often, when appropriate.
5
Yes, this is a wonderful book and a great resource for family members caring for their loved ones near death. One important point it makes relates to the fact that people near death often have inner work to do, and giving them too much pain medication (morphine) may well deny them the opportunity to do vital inner work. When our elderly mother was dying at home with good hospice care, we made sure she was comfortable but encouraged the supportive hospice staff to be careful. What Mom was experiencing and doing within her psyche wasn't obvious, of course, but we wanted to honor her soul. The hospice staff understood and were cooperative. Thanks for mentioning this book!
4
I am a dreamwork practitioner, who works with clients throughout the country. This past year I have expanded my private practice to include working as a hospice volunteer, exploring dreams with those in hospice and their families. Even for those who previously didn’t spend much energy on their dreams, an impending death, whether one’s own or that of a loved one, dreams can take on a new immediacy and urgency. The can offer a healing presence, an ability to be with our fear and not overcome by it, a release from what has weighed on us, offering support and even a helping hand across the mysterious threshold. Thank you. www.maryjoheyen.com
3
Dreams are powerful and offer more insight than the sub-conscious. I am compelled to think that dreams are a passageway to another level of existence that we nothing about. Do not mock, listen instead, and keep an open mind and heart.
31
My father was a Grand Master Bridge player.
All my life I have memories of him lying in bed, relaxing, with a book and with the Bridge player magazines that came in the mail at some regular interval. He'd have three of them and he'd be playing the hands in them simultaneously. While reading the book too. Eroica, playing on the stereo he kept near the bed.
He was healthy as an ox, but this was his preferred relaxation. Taking on the Grand Masters three at a time in the magazines.
As he was preparing to die, he had dreams that "they" broke into his tool shed. And he'd plead for me to go see.
I interpreted this as his own recognition that he was losing the "tools" of his incredible intellect.
When he was dying; past the point where he was interacting with us. He would lay in bed and mouth silent conversations with two corners of the room.
My mother would say that in the left corner were the challenges, and in the right corner was Aunt Rita (what they called my paternal grandmother). There was definitely a different attitude to his demeanor when he spoke to the right corner as opposed to the left.
I don't know what or why. But I like to think that my father wrestled with the challenges and then when he had bested those three "Grand Masters" he crossed the "Bridge" into his next "eternity."
All my life I have memories of him lying in bed, relaxing, with a book and with the Bridge player magazines that came in the mail at some regular interval. He'd have three of them and he'd be playing the hands in them simultaneously. While reading the book too. Eroica, playing on the stereo he kept near the bed.
He was healthy as an ox, but this was his preferred relaxation. Taking on the Grand Masters three at a time in the magazines.
As he was preparing to die, he had dreams that "they" broke into his tool shed. And he'd plead for me to go see.
I interpreted this as his own recognition that he was losing the "tools" of his incredible intellect.
When he was dying; past the point where he was interacting with us. He would lay in bed and mouth silent conversations with two corners of the room.
My mother would say that in the left corner were the challenges, and in the right corner was Aunt Rita (what they called my paternal grandmother). There was definitely a different attitude to his demeanor when he spoke to the right corner as opposed to the left.
I don't know what or why. But I like to think that my father wrestled with the challenges and then when he had bested those three "Grand Masters" he crossed the "Bridge" into his next "eternity."
26
As a longtime hospice nurse, I've been with hundreds of patients in the last days and hours before their deaths. The themes of reconciliation and transportation are almost always woven through their dreams and dream-like stories. Old friends, long-passed family members (mothers seem omnipresent) are most often the characters present to re-work issues and/or offer direction to the path home. As death comes closer, it frequently seems as if patients are standing on a bridge spanning the chasm between here in the fully alive and there on the other side; and indeed, from that vantage point can see people and places that we on this side of the bridge cannot. Sadly, these moments are often labeled hallucinations when in realty they may be visions of such clarity that only "on the bridge" are they accessible and, with the proper support and education from trained staff, comforting to both the patient and loved ones. "The bus is here, I need to go."
113
So, the dying have dreams too. And drugged people have "visions." Not seeing the "phenomena" here at all. Sure, dreams can be used a a starting point for talk therapy, as has been done forever, but this article's unconvincing suggestion that these dreams and "visions" (hallucinations, folks) are imbued with, what, some mystical or spiritual import is just a lot of magical thinking. The examples given by Ms. Hoffman are entirely run-of-the-mill dreams, nothing exceptional. My guess is if you could ask the dreamers whether they'd had dreams before they were ill of their dead loved ones, they'd answer yes. Who hasn't? And the suggestion that courts grant exceptions to deathbed testimony because such testimony is somehow weighty or significant is nonsense - courts grant the exception to hearsay rules because the dead can't be cross-examined. I'm all for understanding human death and dying, but that means facing reality, not inventing some feel-good mysticism that does nothing to further true understanding. Hospice romantics indeed.
13
Well, Greg, you certainly offer a different perspective. Your words sound sort of on the angry side though. There's value in weighing what you have said and considering it along with other thoughts on the subject of dying. Your observation regarding the legal status of "deathbed testimony" is well-taken.
But it's just people trying to make sense out of life - of our lives. The cynical - almost sneering - use of "feel-good mysticism" and "hospice-romantics" isn't very helpful here. The subject may be frustrating for you, but don't make fun of people who really - and I know about this first-hand - care about helping people.
But it's just people trying to make sense out of life - of our lives. The cynical - almost sneering - use of "feel-good mysticism" and "hospice-romantics" isn't very helpful here. The subject may be frustrating for you, but don't make fun of people who really - and I know about this first-hand - care about helping people.
8
I sorry.
I meant to say I'm sorry that you have such a clinical view of life
6
This whole area seems highly susceptible to confirmation bias: looking for evidence to support a conclusion that has already been reached. Finding ONE or a small number of dreams arguably death-related among a much larger number of ordinary dreams with no relevance seems like mere cherry-picking. Unless ALL dreams can be classified in some fashion and the results treated statistically, I don't think any conclusions can be reached here. That's not to say that such dreams are unhelpful to the dying and those close to them. But even most of us not close to death also have some intimate uplifting dreams of great apparent relevance to our situations.
12
Statistically, there is no fudging. Death prevails at 100% regardless of bias. Scoreboard, death wins in the end. Enjoy your survival while it last.
2
I am a bit surprised that Marie-Louise von Franz' book On Dreams & Death wasn't cited (1998). Her material is based on the 2,500 analyzed dreams from the perspective of Analytical Psychology. However, I suspect the current paradigm is founded in neuroscience and her book probably wouldn't offer the kind of insight scientists are looking for.
Nonetheless her book is an interesting and insightful read.
Nonetheless her book is an interesting and insightful read.
20
This article is welcome. I am a Jungian analyst and over my career I have also worked in different kinds of health care; with children on an oncology service, as a volunteer with hospice, as a nurse's aid, with my parents, and as a psychotherapist. So often the Psyche knows what is coming, and gives us a chance to process past misdeeds or to be comforted by the presence of loving companions.
There are some amazing books on this topic; one of my favorites is At The Hour of Death, an investigation of accounts of dreams of the dying in Iceland and India. Another is Marie-Louise von Franz's book On Dreams and Death. There are many more. The true scientific position is to observe what actually is, whether or not we have an explanation for it.
My only objection to the comments in the article was the one about trying to de-mystify these experiences. In my opinion they are the sacred essence of mystery.
There are some amazing books on this topic; one of my favorites is At The Hour of Death, an investigation of accounts of dreams of the dying in Iceland and India. Another is Marie-Louise von Franz's book On Dreams and Death. There are many more. The true scientific position is to observe what actually is, whether or not we have an explanation for it.
My only objection to the comments in the article was the one about trying to de-mystify these experiences. In my opinion they are the sacred essence of mystery.
70
Reminds me of an ancient prayer, ".... pray for us now, and at the hour of our death."
7
I can't tell you how pleased I am to see a Jungian Analyst contribute to mainstream news stories like this one! Thank you so much!
6
I cared for my Dad at his home. He had dementia and long standing heart disease. He'd enjoyed a good quality of life with dementia because he took up printing and drawing. One morning, he told me he had to tell me something: he'd been told that he'd be leaving and he wanted me to know that it wasn't his idea. He'd never leave us if it were up to him, but it wasn't and he wanted me to understand.
That was all he had to say about dying/leaving and he did die not long after this.
That was all he had to say about dying/leaving and he did die not long after this.
42
Great article. I thank the doctor and his colleagues for this important research. My mother died of lung cancer and had an important "vision" just a few days before her death. She suddenly look startled and was looking off into the distance. I asked her what she was looking at and she said, with great certainty, "heaven." I asked, selfishly of course, "do you see your parents?" and she said "yes!" Then she sat back and went back to sleep. Whatever it was, it matters not to me; the point is that it gave both her and me comfort. Maybe she found her parents; maybe I'll find mine someday. And maybe not. But I would love to know more about these experiences.
73
You will.
7
More things in heaven and earth...
34
Very well said, Master Shakespeare
to sleep, perchance to dream. Sorry to be so obvious, but someone should say it.
6
NYU and John Hopkins have both done studies on the use of hallucinogenic mushrooms to ease the acceptance of death and decrease anxiety on the dying process. I would surmise that the use of these mushrooms brings forth dreams more vividly and thus intensifies what this article is speaking of. Bravo listening , joining, and creating such experiences for all.