GRATITUDE IS ATTITUDE There is no gratitude without the self. In fact, the Golden Rule says, Love your neighbor as yourself. Set beside the idea that we are given half a glass in life, so we must decide whether the glass is half full or half empty, the idea of gratitude makes sense, because that affirms that the glass is half full. Sometimes it's better for us if the glass is half empty, as in the case of, a person who's life-threatening disease is in remission. The principle there being, Half a loaf is better than none. As to the example of an employee being grateful for a raise of $1 per hour from the wealthiest family in the country, if not in the world, whose members would consider their workers chumps, I would argue that the chumps are the members of the richest family, who believe that they have achieved something by depriving others of living wages and if they exploit taxpayers--their fellow citizens--by placing the largest demand on the government social programs, such as welfare, medicaid and food stamps--by underpaying employees. If the materially most wealthy family considers itself to have anything to be grateful for by causing others hardship, they're the chumps. For they hold distorted beliefs, as they believe that it is better to take than to receive. The choice between healthy narcissism, where people wish to give back and pathological narcissism, where people believe themselves to be endlessly entitled, is ours to make. Half full or half empty?
4
As a Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa, I watched people starve to death in my jungle village. Now my monthly income is near the poverty level.
Nevertheless I have so much to be grateful for. I have basic good health, food to eat every day, loving friends, not only a roof overhead but very inexpensive rent, $170 monthly I since I live in Baja California and communication with the whole world thanks to computers. What more could I possibly want?
Nevertheless I have so much to be grateful for. I have basic good health, food to eat every day, loving friends, not only a roof overhead but very inexpensive rent, $170 monthly I since I live in Baja California and communication with the whole world thanks to computers. What more could I possibly want?
2
Lost in all this is a very simple maxim: Nobody ever does anything for anybody else. No matter how charitable a person seems, their charity is motivated by their own selfish impulse, perhaps just to experience the Mother Teresa-like joy that comes with helping another, perhaps as a matter of self-aggrandizement that comes with having your name on a building at your alma mater after having made a large donation.
There are those who do something for the obligation it imposes upon the donee to express their gratitude at whatever was done for them, no matter whether the donee asked for it or not. When my son was sick with leukemia, we got a whole bunch of this sort of charity that we didn't ask for, but were obliged to acknowledge and show appreciation for, ultimately making a dire situation that much more of a hassle.
Nobody ever does anything for anybody else. Whatever they do, they do it for themselves. Expressing gratitude is nice, and greases the social machinery as a matter of reciprocity, but people have their own selfish motivations in mind when they do for others. Gratitude is nice, but not necessary.
The idea that you should be grateful for any good that comes your way is rooted in the Judeo-Christian idea of original sin and guilt. I have never understood why I should feel guilty and sinful for having been created by a God who then expects me to feel guilty and sinful, yet grateful for his having created me. What sort of psychosis afflicts this God?
There are those who do something for the obligation it imposes upon the donee to express their gratitude at whatever was done for them, no matter whether the donee asked for it or not. When my son was sick with leukemia, we got a whole bunch of this sort of charity that we didn't ask for, but were obliged to acknowledge and show appreciation for, ultimately making a dire situation that much more of a hassle.
Nobody ever does anything for anybody else. Whatever they do, they do it for themselves. Expressing gratitude is nice, and greases the social machinery as a matter of reciprocity, but people have their own selfish motivations in mind when they do for others. Gratitude is nice, but not necessary.
The idea that you should be grateful for any good that comes your way is rooted in the Judeo-Christian idea of original sin and guilt. I have never understood why I should feel guilty and sinful for having been created by a God who then expects me to feel guilty and sinful, yet grateful for his having created me. What sort of psychosis afflicts this God?
5
I didn't think it was possible to complain about gratitude, but Barbara Ehrenreich has grumpily proved me wrong. A number of commenters have noted that gratitude sniffs out privilege, accidents of birth, and other things taken for granted, like youth and health, for example. Maybe it's asking too much to seek economic justice with a side of cheerfulness, however naive. I'll pass on marching for the cause with crabby comrades.
9
Appreciating each and every minor kind gesture to me by known and unknown people not only helps me improve as a person but keeps driving further in spite of the fact that a number of persons have taken me for a ride for quite sometime thinking it as a weak sign but surely not.
1
Sorry, I am very thankful, everyday, but it doesn't involve god or trite affirmations. I have my health, sufficient resources, a partner, a small number of independent children and friends, and sufficient occupation of work and charitable acts. I think many atheists and agnostics, those not 'spiritual' in that dippy modern sense, feel the same.
4
The Theologian Johannes Gaertner wrote on the subject of gratitude" To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch heaven".
5
I think gratitude is an essence, not an act or a spoken word. If you have gratitude, you have a higher power. And I believe that's true for everyone.
I didn't ask to be born. But now that I'm here, I can be grateful that I arrived and am still here, all the way back to my cellular self. And everything in between.
I didn't ask to be born. But now that I'm here, I can be grateful that I arrived and am still here, all the way back to my cellular self. And everything in between.
6
Pseudo-religious nonsense intended to act like tranquilisers on the anger of those thrown out of America's middle class. An essay into mind control, which should be ignored as unworthy of an otherwise outstanding voice of social consciousness.
4
I think people who have too much to be grateful for are less alive. I find that work and struggle gives meaning to my life. Laying around and having others do for you is not really living; it's suspended animation.
5
I believe there is a difference between gratitude and generosity, and we human beings would do well to cultivate both - a sense of gratitude brings about greater inner happiness - generosity may allow us to share that happiness with others...
11
Since when does the simple concept of gratitude have to do with social justice and making the world right. It is just being grateful for what you do have and being content with it. It comes from many religions, spiritual ideologies, philosophies, AA, as someone has already mentioned, and many miscellaneous sources. I never thought I would see simple gratitude called selfish. Or relate it to the haves and the have-nots. It is looking at your life and seeing positivity, not negativity. A few years ago, my husband had a noncancerous blood disorder. He was sent to a floor to receive an infusion of iron for which he had to be monitored for a half-hour. It was the floor where people were also having chemo for leukemia and other cancers. I never saw such gratitude and positive thinking as I saw in these people. Sure, they had cancer and sure they had an uncertain future, but they were alive and making plans for their near future, encouraging each other, and promoting well being. We don't have to make everything complex, overanalyze, or see selfishness in everything good. We aren't required to change the entire world. Most of us will see need and help in some way. In simple gratitude, we look at our less than perfect life and find things to be thankful for. It produces contentment, happiness, hope, and love. It combats despair. Where those feelings take us is our business, but gratitude often leads to paying forward, donating, or helping someone.
13
Gratitude is not taking anything for granted..be grateful for what we have , how did we come to this point and also trying to walk away from someone or something pulling you down with negativity.
The last part is not easy needs constant work to attain that stage of letting it all go at the end of the day.
The last part is not easy needs constant work to attain that stage of letting it all go at the end of the day.
2
There is something so humanly social about gratitude when shared, received and validated by others. The simple act of being heard and validated is powerful for me. Even in virtual space of FB, it generates an intangible feeling of connection. I am not alone. Might that be that little dopamine hit, neuroscientists write of, when we get a desired response from an action we begin? Whether it is the dopamine or not, the act of sharing a gratitude with others on a regular basis has produced a richer, more secure, more peaceful feeling in my world. Nothing earth shattering. Just good. This "good feeling," has nothing to do with getting up off my yoga mat and recognizing those less fortunate than I, has Ms Ehrenreich suggests. Not to take anything away from this potential she identifies, the feeling comes from the emotional connection I feel with others who read and respond to me and each other. It is no more complicated than a simple, "I am here for you, I see you, I appreciate your authentic sharing no matter if I am sharing a positive feeling or a challenging experience, which informed my life in some authentic way. For me gratitude is a powerful gateway to human connection. A positive activation of our most fundamental drive....our social drive. Gratitutde helps me feel accepted, engaged, human, even when shared with others I have never met.
3
Gratitudes though overused can be uplifting especially when communicated directly to another person. But how about shifting the emphasis from gratitude to acts of kindness, of the kind that may elicit gratitude? Kindness is still much maligned in our civilization and it would behoove us to bring attention to the narcissistic secondary gain that being kind can sometimes also make us feel better. Kindness has the added advantage over gratitude of having the receiver's feelings always in mind.
5
I try to never take any of the bountiful gifts that Mother Nature has bastowed on us for granted. Every day I walk in the woods and am greatful for all of her glory, and the health that enables us to enjoy the simple pleasures.
5
I love this column so much. It has put into words so much of what I feel, and how I want to move forward in my life.
All one has to do is get on Facebook and read the (mostly infernal) 30-days of gratitude posts. That exercise takes the narcissistic "humble brag" and turns it into an art form, deluding others that this is what it means to be an enlightened citizen of the world. What passes as "gratitude" is nothing more than an excuse to post exotic vacations, successful children, beautiful self-portraits, and the vanquishing of first world problems.
Not only do people need to get up off the yoga mat, they also need to realize the world is more than their own reflections in the mirror.
All one has to do is get on Facebook and read the (mostly infernal) 30-days of gratitude posts. That exercise takes the narcissistic "humble brag" and turns it into an art form, deluding others that this is what it means to be an enlightened citizen of the world. What passes as "gratitude" is nothing more than an excuse to post exotic vacations, successful children, beautiful self-portraits, and the vanquishing of first world problems.
Not only do people need to get up off the yoga mat, they also need to realize the world is more than their own reflections in the mirror.
43
While I agree with the need to address social injustice, I find the tenor of the article depressing and somewhat misguided. I have experienced serious losses in my personal life and the road to recovery has not been easy but I made it; I am thankful and grateful for having done so. This does not make me a narcissist. The case of the Walmart employee who got a dollar increase does not ring a bell with me vis a vis the author's point. I understand the social/economic injustice but perhaps the extra bump in pay will be meaningful to the employee? It seems condescending to dismiss Walmart and other low wage earners as "chumps" if they are grateful (maybe some aren't) for even a small raise. They should be paid more not because the CEO lives in a mansion but because their value to the company enhances the brand; hardworking employees are valuable to any company. Self improvement, gratitude, and other forms of expression perhaps become grating when they are openly expressed to those around us and in social media. In my case I keep them personal and close to me.
1
The ' Attitude of Gratitude' comes directly from Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a tool to stave off depression, a serious symptom of alcoholism. The practice is one of several methods used to not just not drink, but to live a useful productive life. It is NOT about material things. In my experience, a sober AA merely strives for perfection but often falls back into negativity until an attitude adjustment sets them back on road to happy destiny. I complained because i did not have new shoes until I saw the man with no feet. An active appreciation for the sun in the morning and the moon at night makes me a much better person.
12
A simple "thank you" apparently isn't enough to express gratitude anymore, we have to demonstrate our unlimited indebtedness in material ways. We've done the same thing to generousity. Take a value, "over-value" it, and then criticize people for not being genuine enough.
4
The rich would have us believe that the only model for civilized society is the one currently depicted in the hit series on PBS, "Downton Abbey".
A beneficent aristocracy and supplicant servile caste is the preferred mental model for the US, but in reality the benefits stay aloft, while those downstairs must dine upon the vacuous lectures of David Brooks and Charles Murray on resilience and character.
The ingrates of the lower classes should know that it's not the thirty years of trickle down that has sickled down their futures, but their own personal failing.
Their remedy is to take the good orderly direction of their betters and to heed his GOD as well if they don't want the suffering they've brought upon themselves in this life, repeated forever in the next.
A beneficent aristocracy and supplicant servile caste is the preferred mental model for the US, but in reality the benefits stay aloft, while those downstairs must dine upon the vacuous lectures of David Brooks and Charles Murray on resilience and character.
The ingrates of the lower classes should know that it's not the thirty years of trickle down that has sickled down their futures, but their own personal failing.
Their remedy is to take the good orderly direction of their betters and to heed his GOD as well if they don't want the suffering they've brought upon themselves in this life, repeated forever in the next.
7
I appreciate the reminder to include social justice in our thoughts, and to actively work for change. However, I don't buy the idea that the gratitude movement is a nefarious plot to con Americans into accepting the status quo. I think it is an organic backlash against consumerism and the culture of consumption. My experience of gratitude practice, which my family just started doing together each night at the dinner table, is that it makes me want less stuff. It causes me to focus on people and experiences. And yes, it makes me want to give more to others. I'm sure the practice varies, but overall I think Ms. Ehrenreich should be pretty happy about it.
8
The line about being a chump, being taken advantage of, is poignant.
The rich and powerful preach gratitude to their underlings to avoid revolution.
Never be grateful if you're being taken advantage of; instead be smart, read, plan, know your worth; if anything be grateful for the opportunity to make things fair and stand up to greed.
The rich and powerful preach gratitude to their underlings to avoid revolution.
Never be grateful if you're being taken advantage of; instead be smart, read, plan, know your worth; if anything be grateful for the opportunity to make things fair and stand up to greed.
48
I agree with Ms. Ehrenreich in part: gratitude should be expressed tangibly, and a federal living wage is a cornerstone of a functioning society.
That said, other expressions of gratitude-- including personal rituals-- have a positive effect on outlook and mental health.
That said, other expressions of gratitude-- including personal rituals-- have a positive effect on outlook and mental health.
7
Simply put, gratitude fills you with joy and makes your world, and the world of those around you, a better place.
7
I think that the Walmart thing here is true. However, gratitude in modern life seems to be a fairly unusual thing. Most of the 'news' is bad news. I think that we can give thanks in small ways AND also show 'muscular' gratitude.
2
This is not an either/or proposition. Here's a sample gratitude list from grateful self: I'm grateful for...
-Barbara Ehrenreich for bringing this "issue" to the forefront
-The employees and ownership of the NYT for providing this wonderful font of information (gratitude expressed by my $15 auto-payment for my digital subscription)
-My health
-My mind
-My family (I will tell each one I love them several times today)
-My new job (expressed in my taking advantage of the opportunity to go the extra mile at work every day)
-The great meal I enjoyed yesterday (expressed by giving a generous tip to our waiter and seeking out and giving a compliment to the chef - I didn't actually do that one but now that I'm on board thinking about how to express my gratitude in a meaningful way to those who help me I will do so next opportunity)
-My OA program (expressed by making an extra program call and putting an extra dollar in the collection basket at my next meeting)
-My parents for giving me the opportunity to be born into this world (too late to thank them personally - will perform a random act of kindness today in their honor
The list goes on... your turn.
-Barbara Ehrenreich for bringing this "issue" to the forefront
-The employees and ownership of the NYT for providing this wonderful font of information (gratitude expressed by my $15 auto-payment for my digital subscription)
-My health
-My mind
-My family (I will tell each one I love them several times today)
-My new job (expressed in my taking advantage of the opportunity to go the extra mile at work every day)
-The great meal I enjoyed yesterday (expressed by giving a generous tip to our waiter and seeking out and giving a compliment to the chef - I didn't actually do that one but now that I'm on board thinking about how to express my gratitude in a meaningful way to those who help me I will do so next opportunity)
-My OA program (expressed by making an extra program call and putting an extra dollar in the collection basket at my next meeting)
-My parents for giving me the opportunity to be born into this world (too late to thank them personally - will perform a random act of kindness today in their honor
The list goes on... your turn.
3
Nothing annoys me more than the social media pages of certain celebrities who are always expressing "overwhelming gratitude" that their concerts sold out, they won this or that award, they got a standing ovation, they were named Top Performer of 2015, etc. All their gratitude is self-centered: they are grateful for their own success. I keep wondering: if a fan on the street approached them and gushed on a little too long, would they be "grateful" or would they walk off? If a former colleague was down on his luck, would these big celebrities be "grateful" that they're not suffering so and send the former colleague a check?
5
I think she misses the point here that "gratitude" is only first step in empathy and generosity both of spirit and pocketbook. It's hard to be generous to others when one is focused on the shortcomings of one's own fortunes. I have found that simply being thankful for what I have, keeps my focus away from envy and aquisitiveness and turns it to how I can share whatever good fortune I have attained.
4
Gratitude is a corollary of atonement, or at-one-ment, being "at one" with the other in the unity of mankind.
This idea was made palpable by myth and ritual, and personified by heroic figures like Hillel and Jesus. Now ideas are mediated by the Templeton Foundation and a yoga instructor on CNN.
When everything is reduced to business and the empirical, the soul is demeaned. It resides in a realm not proven by numbers. "1984" has arrived, but with players Orwell never imagined.
This idea was made palpable by myth and ritual, and personified by heroic figures like Hillel and Jesus. Now ideas are mediated by the Templeton Foundation and a yoga instructor on CNN.
When everything is reduced to business and the empirical, the soul is demeaned. It resides in a realm not proven by numbers. "1984" has arrived, but with players Orwell never imagined.
5
What a great way to start the new year - contemplating gratitude in all its forms. I hadn't stepped back and really thought about what gratitude meant to me, but when I I read the line "You have to be grateful to someone..." I realized that my understanding of it was so different. I've always seen gratitude as a state that I seek to nurture in myself, to see all that is worthy of gratitude in the world (no small feat in an often loud, confusing world). Thinking of these things might lead you to express gratitude to a person, but why not a dish, a plant, a pen? When I write about what I am thankful for in, yes, my Daily Gratitude Journal, it teaches me to be more aware of all that is, and more grateful of a lot of things. This can translate into expressing gratitude to other people (tipping, thanking, hugging, retweeting) but I am expressing just as much gratitude to my plants for sticking out the cold snap, my 90+ yr old basement for not being leaky, my favorite pen for being so smooth and the sun for warming this room through the window. During these times when I am not grateful to anyone in particular, but so many things in general, are the times I am most grateful for.
2
Gratitude should be carefully chosen. When an upper level executive or professor mentors you with no other motivation than helping you understand how to succeed gratitude is warranted.
When your boss at Quickie Mart elevates you to Jr. Assistant Manager as a subterfuge to induce company loyalty and put you on salary to avoid paying you overtime that is simply a ploy to play upon your emotions. If you are grateful for being conned something is wrong.
In either case both of these involve giving or withholding gratitude based upon external events. Feeling grateful as a method of feeling good about yourself is as fallacious as the self esteem movement which gave out medals for participation to everyone.
When your boss at Quickie Mart elevates you to Jr. Assistant Manager as a subterfuge to induce company loyalty and put you on salary to avoid paying you overtime that is simply a ploy to play upon your emotions. If you are grateful for being conned something is wrong.
In either case both of these involve giving or withholding gratitude based upon external events. Feeling grateful as a method of feeling good about yourself is as fallacious as the self esteem movement which gave out medals for participation to everyone.
3
Any positive emotion is a good thing, but gratitude, real gratitude, is special because it is an acknowledgement FROM you TO someone for help during your time of need. If it is only internal, you are missing out on half of the power of gratitude. Think about how you felt the last time someone said 'thank you' for something important. I'll bet it made your day, it may have even made your week. I'll also bet you did something kind to other people during that time.
Spread the wealth, say thank you to those who have helped you. You will help make the world a better place. Lord knows we could use some of that now.
"Come on people now, smile on your brother." - The Youngbloods
Spread the wealth, say thank you to those who have helped you. You will help make the world a better place. Lord knows we could use some of that now.
"Come on people now, smile on your brother." - The Youngbloods
1
" Who picked the lettuce in the fields, processed the standing rib roast, drove these products to the stores, stacked them on the supermarket shelves and, of course, prepared them and brought them to the table? "
They're called employees.
Solidarity? The Democratic Party busted that years ago with their race-based politics of identity.
They're called employees.
Solidarity? The Democratic Party busted that years ago with their race-based politics of identity.
1
Gratitude is halfway there. Still too personal.
I was taught - and believe - that striving is more important than gratitude. Gratitude suggests being satisfied with what is and being thankful for it. But striving looks forward, to what might yet be achieved, and striving demands that we give our best to achieve it. There is much to learn, and to do, in each of our lives. Resting on the laurels of gratitude is not the way forward.
A GUY I KMOW WHO IS QUITE IMMORAL AND SELFISH . . .
...proudly informed me that he had given a homeless person $5 ... and, let's for rhetorical reasons assume that it was true.
So know he can tell himself as well as others ... that he is really a kind and generous person.
Reminds me of people who cling to their "born again" Christian status ... but, in fact they use it as a label (which they may well believe) ... as they fool themselves and others ... to appear as a good person.
Behaviors trump stated faith in God.
...proudly informed me that he had given a homeless person $5 ... and, let's for rhetorical reasons assume that it was true.
So know he can tell himself as well as others ... that he is really a kind and generous person.
Reminds me of people who cling to their "born again" Christian status ... but, in fact they use it as a label (which they may well believe) ... as they fool themselves and others ... to appear as a good person.
Behaviors trump stated faith in God.
2
The books on gratitude seem to belong to the self-help industry, which Americans patronize in good times and bad. Earlier cultures tended to depict the world around us as a set of fixed systems and relationships ("The Great Chain of Being"), to which we had to adapt ourselves. Contemporary western culture, however, recognizes no barriers to social and economic mobility, and Americans excel at efforts to re-shape themselves and the world around them in order to find personal fulfillment.
The lure of gratitude, as the title of the piece suggests, stems from its capacity to enhance our sense of well-being. But cultivating a sense of gratitude differs from undergoing a makeover or learning how to take charge of your finances in one important respect. Despite the calculated nature of any conscious effort to alter one's attitudes, the attempt to see good in the world around you can strengthen bonds to other people.
Recognizing the positive contributions of others to our lives, even if the initial impulse is selfish, can ultimately sharpen our understanding that success in life depends on community, not just the efforts of the individual. In that sense, the habit of being grateful can link the restless search for self-improvement to the equally important goal of creating a better community.
A society built around the competitive impulse of capitalism needs a constant reminder that actions that benefit the community also help the individual.
The lure of gratitude, as the title of the piece suggests, stems from its capacity to enhance our sense of well-being. But cultivating a sense of gratitude differs from undergoing a makeover or learning how to take charge of your finances in one important respect. Despite the calculated nature of any conscious effort to alter one's attitudes, the attempt to see good in the world around you can strengthen bonds to other people.
Recognizing the positive contributions of others to our lives, even if the initial impulse is selfish, can ultimately sharpen our understanding that success in life depends on community, not just the efforts of the individual. In that sense, the habit of being grateful can link the restless search for self-improvement to the equally important goal of creating a better community.
A society built around the competitive impulse of capitalism needs a constant reminder that actions that benefit the community also help the individual.
2
Thank you Barbara Ehrenreich. 216 comments so far (6:50 a.m., Saturday morning) suggest you've got people actually thinking about gratitude and the role it plays in their lives and, behold, in the lives of others. Here's to you. I will raise a glass of very good beer this evening in gratitude to you--and also, selfishly, in gratitude for having a good beer to drink!
1
Having been brought up on a backwater farm without indoor toilet, running water or electricity and heat came from a wood stove and no phone within a 3 mile area, believe you me, after 77 years, I'm still in awe of indoor heating, the light switch, hot water at a twist of the handle, and a cell phone that actually has a flashlight with it.
I don't want to sound flippant, as I'm really not. To be grateful for those who help us along the way, to our family and friends, to appreciate what others might do for us is to be respectful and considerate. But how often do we think of the linesman working the lines in the freezing cold when the electricity is off, or the mailman who, most often now is delivering advertisements that are never read and political junk mail that gets thrown into the recycle? And how often do we snarl either at them or about them -- the low paid salesperson or waiter who seems slow or inattentive? Do we think about their lives and if they are grateful for our ignoring them and their needs far too often?
I don't want to sound flippant, as I'm really not. To be grateful for those who help us along the way, to our family and friends, to appreciate what others might do for us is to be respectful and considerate. But how often do we think of the linesman working the lines in the freezing cold when the electricity is off, or the mailman who, most often now is delivering advertisements that are never read and political junk mail that gets thrown into the recycle? And how often do we snarl either at them or about them -- the low paid salesperson or waiter who seems slow or inattentive? Do we think about their lives and if they are grateful for our ignoring them and their needs far too often?
12
Not to sound like a weirdo, you sound like a nice person, the kind of person I would like to have as a friend
4
Let's not turn the concept of gratitude into a complicated frozen drink with fruit chunks and an umbrella..let's just take it straight up. Gratitude can become a state of mind, a way of life, when we simply allow ourselves to take a moment to whisper (or write down) what we are thankful for. I have a gratitude journal..some of the entries? Thank-you that my son made it back safely to college, Thank-you that my mammogram came back normal, Thank-you that my daughter got an interview... The entire purpose of the exercise is to acknowledge life's blessings, both big and small, not only as they happen, but much more profoundly, when you re-read a year's worth of entries.
4
Barbara Ehrenreich - you always enrich our cultural conversations by bringing in economics and class. Thank you. It is important. And, it is also important to note that being grateful can cut across class lines as easily as being grumpy. Gratitude is not the domain of the privileged - it is actually often the other way around. Lots of wealthy people have all the trappings, and none of the gratitude or happiness - taking everything for granted. Lots of the rest of us see that what we are grateful for in life is worth naming, protecting and defending. A sense of being grateful for people and things makes many of us want to take a stand on their behalf; from the glories of the planet to the glories of human beings different from ourselves. It is also grateful sentiments towards others that make us more compassionate, curious and in solidarity with them. This means that gratitude is often at the root of many people's social change activism, and not to be dismissed as a motivator for justice. It does not make sense to throw gratitude out with the bath water. It makes sense to understand how it can be informed, deepened and made more inclusive. It makes sense to research how gratefulness can motivate change, and educate. It also makes sense to take interest in how people of every class background who face terminal illnesses are some of the most grateful people on the planet, carrying an altruistic, infectious treasuring of life and others that makes them powerful change agents.
9
She's mostly nailed it (as she also did with her book deflating the phony optimism crowd). With one exception: over-emphasis on the income inequality problem. Yes it's a problem, but not much I can personally do about it. So in my own life I've overlayed 'gratitude' with 'perspective' ; i.e., many have it better than me, but I have it better than lots of others. So while my semi-socialist friends gripe about billionaire bankers, I'm grateful - to happenstance - that I have my health (okay, so call me a chump); and while my semi-fascist friends gripe about the government taking away their freedom (really?), I feel grateful that I have clean water to drink. Etc, Etc.
6
I tend to be cynical of new age and self help adages but also of the kind of self righteousness Ms. Ehrenreich spews. Last year a very close longtime friend of mine died. Early on I shifted from grieving to feeling a sense of gratitude that I had him as a friend for decades and was a friend to him. It felt like a pretty mentally healthy attitude. It seems to me that people who tend to be grateful are more likely to also be generous of spirit than those who never have enough and are always complaining.
"I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
He said to me, "You must not ask for so much." Leonard Cohen
"I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
He said to me, "You must not ask for so much." Leonard Cohen
6
I find that a donation can be a way of expressing gratitude: I have given to a homeless shelter when a cold night reminded my how lucky I am to have a roof, or to a group which helps sick children on the birthday of one of my own healthy adult offspring.
I don't discount the value of reminding oneself one is lucky to have a home, food, a job, friends--envy can be corrosive,and there is always someone to envy--but giving is a concrete way to pass on a bit of the gift one has been given by fate or luck or Whomever is in charge.
I don't discount the value of reminding oneself one is lucky to have a home, food, a job, friends--envy can be corrosive,and there is always someone to envy--but giving is a concrete way to pass on a bit of the gift one has been given by fate or luck or Whomever is in charge.
5
First, why does free market capitalism, if it's such a boon to society, need to hire public relations hacks like Templeton?
Next, I was told early on after joining a 12 Step group, "You don't have to be graceful, you just have to be grateful." What I learned was that every feeling I aim at others I have to feel first. So, if I'm projecting spite or vitriol, I have to experience their baleful side effects, even though those negative emotions might never reach their intended target.
So, to stop feeling so rotten all the time I had to stop blaming other people, places, and things for my negativity.
I started practicing gratitude. I can't say that my life immediately improved, but the lucite shell of blame and victimhood I had cultivated began to melt away until it became evident that I was suffering from depression.
As someone once said, the truth will set you free, but it'll hurt a lot first.
So, as revolted as I am by our feudal overlords' investments in the Pacify the Peons campaign, I wouldn't throw out the message because the messenger sneers like Simon Legree.
After I had begun to recover, I was told that grateful people are willing to help others, and I began to attempt to do so. It's hard to hold a grudge against humanity when you're in the midst of helping someone else avoid a drink one day at a time.
So, we who are grateful should be the eager volunteers for social justice. If we value life on this lonely planet, we should say "Yes" when asked for help.
Next, I was told early on after joining a 12 Step group, "You don't have to be graceful, you just have to be grateful." What I learned was that every feeling I aim at others I have to feel first. So, if I'm projecting spite or vitriol, I have to experience their baleful side effects, even though those negative emotions might never reach their intended target.
So, to stop feeling so rotten all the time I had to stop blaming other people, places, and things for my negativity.
I started practicing gratitude. I can't say that my life immediately improved, but the lucite shell of blame and victimhood I had cultivated began to melt away until it became evident that I was suffering from depression.
As someone once said, the truth will set you free, but it'll hurt a lot first.
So, as revolted as I am by our feudal overlords' investments in the Pacify the Peons campaign, I wouldn't throw out the message because the messenger sneers like Simon Legree.
After I had begun to recover, I was told that grateful people are willing to help others, and I began to attempt to do so. It's hard to hold a grudge against humanity when you're in the midst of helping someone else avoid a drink one day at a time.
So, we who are grateful should be the eager volunteers for social justice. If we value life on this lonely planet, we should say "Yes" when asked for help.
12
Individual solutionism keeps us unempowered. Look at the homeless person! Work harder! At least you're not like THEM! Just enjoy what you DO have and stop complaining! But it's not complaining to demand & work toward social justice & a culture where homelessness is an artifact of our barbaric past.
If you are depressed, angry, frustrated, you're in touch with reality. If you aren't you're not paying attention, deluding yourself or in denial. And this makes you powerless.
It's also part of the addiction to seeking happiness, that keeps us ever grabbing for The Next Thing that's advertised to us as a panacea band aid therapy to temporarily sooth the disEase we sense.
Gratitude is healthy, if measured in the greater context. Otherwise, it's emotional masturbation that accomplishes nothing except keeping us stuck, addicted and separate from global change. It is an abdication of personal responsibility in this context.
And the notion that one is "better" than the people they're grateful not to be is hideously arrogant and oppressive.
If you are depressed, angry, frustrated, you're in touch with reality. If you aren't you're not paying attention, deluding yourself or in denial. And this makes you powerless.
It's also part of the addiction to seeking happiness, that keeps us ever grabbing for The Next Thing that's advertised to us as a panacea band aid therapy to temporarily sooth the disEase we sense.
Gratitude is healthy, if measured in the greater context. Otherwise, it's emotional masturbation that accomplishes nothing except keeping us stuck, addicted and separate from global change. It is an abdication of personal responsibility in this context.
And the notion that one is "better" than the people they're grateful not to be is hideously arrogant and oppressive.
25
I believe many negative comments here misinterpret the article.
Ms. Ehrenreich does not say that all gratitude is bad or misplaced.
Obviously those of us who lack the sort of gratitude that a healthy perspective on life bestows become sad and cynical specimens.
Healthy gratitude is also part of the foundation for positive action - extending a helping hand to others so that we can all go forward in life together to the extent possible.
The problem occurs when the term “gratitude” is made a euphemism for either self-congratulation or Pollyanna-ish denial of reality. And the damage continues when that ‘gratitude” is, in turn, promoted as a virtue that allows us to ignore, if not to increase, the travails of those who haven't shared our good fortune.
Ms. Ehrenreich does not say that all gratitude is bad or misplaced.
Obviously those of us who lack the sort of gratitude that a healthy perspective on life bestows become sad and cynical specimens.
Healthy gratitude is also part of the foundation for positive action - extending a helping hand to others so that we can all go forward in life together to the extent possible.
The problem occurs when the term “gratitude” is made a euphemism for either self-congratulation or Pollyanna-ish denial of reality. And the damage continues when that ‘gratitude” is, in turn, promoted as a virtue that allows us to ignore, if not to increase, the travails of those who haven't shared our good fortune.
4
Actual gratitude rather than actually having been duped into being contented "with a share of what you should be grateful for" possible in the modern age?
I do not believe actual gratitude is possible in the modern age. Gratitude flows best, and is actual, in an environment in which people actually care about and attempt to realize each other's possibilities as best as possible. You become grateful for someone actually helping you in other words. True gratitude is known because of that feeling that wells up inside toward another--and tears often flow when true help has arrived.
The more there is a breakdown in people actually caring about and helping to realize each other's abilities the more talk begins about people needing to be grateful, but this usually comes from those telling you to be comfortable with your share--as if you yourself have not already begun in this sad situation to look for something, anything, to be grateful for, like your dog or your guitar or a lonely hike in the woods.
It is without question a bad situation for a civilization if people have to have gratitude explained to them. If people have to have gratitude explained to them it means selfishness is paramount, and people are selfishly tossing tiny shares around to others and sneering about needing to be grateful and many people are already looking for something, anything, in this critical environment to be grateful for...Gratitude needs no explanation. The question is why so much selfishness.
I do not believe actual gratitude is possible in the modern age. Gratitude flows best, and is actual, in an environment in which people actually care about and attempt to realize each other's possibilities as best as possible. You become grateful for someone actually helping you in other words. True gratitude is known because of that feeling that wells up inside toward another--and tears often flow when true help has arrived.
The more there is a breakdown in people actually caring about and helping to realize each other's abilities the more talk begins about people needing to be grateful, but this usually comes from those telling you to be comfortable with your share--as if you yourself have not already begun in this sad situation to look for something, anything, to be grateful for, like your dog or your guitar or a lonely hike in the woods.
It is without question a bad situation for a civilization if people have to have gratitude explained to them. If people have to have gratitude explained to them it means selfishness is paramount, and people are selfishly tossing tiny shares around to others and sneering about needing to be grateful and many people are already looking for something, anything, in this critical environment to be grateful for...Gratitude needs no explanation. The question is why so much selfishness.
1
Barbara Ehrenreich uses yet another opportunity to (deliberately?) conflate nonsense like "The Secret" with "Positive psychology.'
No, positive psychology is not, despite what Ms. Ehrenreich has been ranting (yes, I believe that's a fair term) about for the past decade, the same as positive thinking.
Positive psychology is a branch of psychology which studies positive emotions.
As far as the other comments on gratitude, the NYT Picks commenter who pointed out that change begins from within - and if it is true change, it will inevitably manifest in virtuous actions - got it right.
No, positive psychology is not, despite what Ms. Ehrenreich has been ranting (yes, I believe that's a fair term) about for the past decade, the same as positive thinking.
Positive psychology is a branch of psychology which studies positive emotions.
As far as the other comments on gratitude, the NYT Picks commenter who pointed out that change begins from within - and if it is true change, it will inevitably manifest in virtuous actions - got it right.
1
A good clear picture of gratitude in film is in the film Rollerball with James Caan. Caan's character almost gets killed--he is about to get killed--in one of the games and he is rescued by a couple teammates and he almost swoons on the shoulder of one of them. It seems rather senseless to ask people to be grateful. Gratefulness is a consequence of people becoming less selfish and helping one another. The concentration should be on reducing selfishness not on asking people to be grateful. Or if one must mention gratefulness there must be acute social insight into selfishness/gratefulness being two sides of same coin. What does it say about America that apparently we cannot get a good clear explanation of this relationship in people's minds? It seems more a lack of intellectual integrity than anything else.
The tell-tale sign of a someone with true narcissistic personality disorder is that they have trouble saying "Thank you.' They can utter the words when they believe they must, but if you listen carefully they ring hollow.
Is it any surprise that in our narcissistic culture, people need to be reminded and coached to "feel" gratitude? Or that when people encourage us to develop a sense of gratitude, it ends up being all about us? In a culture that breeds high entitlement, it's no wonder that's how it plays out.
True gratitude is like real repentance: it emanates organically from the heart. You can't be told to feel it; it is a gift of the spirit.
Is it any surprise that in our narcissistic culture, people need to be reminded and coached to "feel" gratitude? Or that when people encourage us to develop a sense of gratitude, it ends up being all about us? In a culture that breeds high entitlement, it's no wonder that's how it plays out.
True gratitude is like real repentance: it emanates organically from the heart. You can't be told to feel it; it is a gift of the spirit.
3
Our brains are hard wired to be critical and discern disadvantage and danger. It's how we survived as a species. Most of us are not living in the wild or fighting animals for our meals, but for some of us bringing gratitude into our lives can be a challege. Feeling thankful about what I have has nothing to do with how rich or poor I am in money, and the more people who indulge, real or otherwise, the more likely it is that those people who subsist on minimum wage or less will be paid a living wage in the next few years. Just saying other people's idea of gratitude is wrong doesn't make it so. Each of us does what we are capable of. It is not some club you can be kicked out from for doing it wrong. If that is only lip service for some it is still possible it will become real, and that is good enough for me. Even if it never does, a lot of good things have come from people doing things because it is the "right" thing to do. A lot of charities would be out of luck if everyone had to feel it from the heart first. Some people go through the motions for years and then finally understand. It can take time.
3
The concept of gratitude in American society?
I find it shocking how little developed America is in understanding psycho-social concepts such as gratitude. First of all gratitude cannot be explained without discussing the concept of selfishness. They are a pair. A common argument is one person accuses another of selfishness and the latter declares the former should be more grateful--which is to say the latter person in asking the former to be more grateful is actually accusing the former of being the selfish one but in reverse.
The concept of gratitude arose in other words, by the resistance of selfish people answering back to those who accused them of selfishness: "Be grateful for what you have". This argument or dialectic at its best should have broken down to both sides recognizing their own selfishness and therefore recognizing that pure and natural feeling of gratitude which comes from actually being helped by another rather than being accused of selfishness by another in the different words "You should be more grateful".
Furthermore society at its best should never ask people to be grateful, but concentrate always, and starting young in children, on the concept of selfishness, being less selfish. The less selfish you are the more others become grateful and the more you become thankful for the rarer things in life, or achieve the subtleties of thankfulness, which is to say gratitude. Amazing and sad how in America you cannot even get a grasp of basic concepts.
I find it shocking how little developed America is in understanding psycho-social concepts such as gratitude. First of all gratitude cannot be explained without discussing the concept of selfishness. They are a pair. A common argument is one person accuses another of selfishness and the latter declares the former should be more grateful--which is to say the latter person in asking the former to be more grateful is actually accusing the former of being the selfish one but in reverse.
The concept of gratitude arose in other words, by the resistance of selfish people answering back to those who accused them of selfishness: "Be grateful for what you have". This argument or dialectic at its best should have broken down to both sides recognizing their own selfishness and therefore recognizing that pure and natural feeling of gratitude which comes from actually being helped by another rather than being accused of selfishness by another in the different words "You should be more grateful".
Furthermore society at its best should never ask people to be grateful, but concentrate always, and starting young in children, on the concept of selfishness, being less selfish. The less selfish you are the more others become grateful and the more you become thankful for the rarer things in life, or achieve the subtleties of thankfulness, which is to say gratitude. Amazing and sad how in America you cannot even get a grasp of basic concepts.
Don't know much about a generic concept of gratitude though I am grateful for the skills of a one particular cardio-thoracic, and another transplant surgeon. After 69 years, I have settled into a quiet contentment with life, the universe, and my insignificance in it. As for the constant parade of self-help, spiritualality systems, mantras, and their purveyers, I can only say "What a crock ..."
1
I find this article a little condescending. Just because I practice gratitude between "me and me" does not exclude me from expressing it to other people. And research into increasing gratitude among the poor does not mean you are locking them in poverty. Adopting a positive attitude puts your brain in a state where it is seeking opportunities for improvement and solutions as opposed to dwelling in what you are lacking.
3
I remember when "The Secret" was grabbing attention. It seemed to me to be the secular version of the prosperity gospel still trumpeted by televangelists.
True, all you had to purchase was the book, but, still it was for chumps.
True, all you had to purchase was the book, but, still it was for chumps.
4
Gratitude can lead to humility. If you are grateful for what is good in your life, you are less likely to think it's all down to you. If you are not grateful, it leads to thoughts like these: If I have achieved what I have, what's wrong with all those losers who haven't?
As I've gotten older, I become more grateful each year. That hardly keeps me from being in a rage about the injustices in the world and trying in a small way to make them better.
As I've gotten older, I become more grateful each year. That hardly keeps me from being in a rage about the injustices in the world and trying in a small way to make them better.
2
I don't know the author of this essay, nor even of her. However, her essay expresses a shotgun blast of bitterness. Bitterness against corporations, a wealthy family that started one from nothing, conservatives, people who've written or lectured on the concept of gratitude -- and anyone, it seems, who feels gratitude or thinks about gratitude for any reason other than those she deems meritorious.
Why did I read it? I wish I hadn't. I suppose I expected to learn something. Maybe I learned that some people will always judge and be bitter as they look at the greener grass elsewhere. While everyone's life has challenges -- everyone's life has little blessings. Taking note of these things -- whether it's not feeling as nauseated from a chemotherapy treatment, that we've raised decent kids, new shoes that don't hurt our feet, the love of a dog -- are exactly what sustain most of us.
Yes, there may be some stereotypical "seekers" who will turn gratitude into an industry like they've turned "parenting", etc. Why focus on them? They don't bother the rest of us, and who are we to judge? I'll repeat: the good things sustain us. How is it bad to sustain ourselves by noticing them?
Lady, it's not all a vast right wing conspiracy to keep the good people down. That's not to say our government hasn't failed to protect workers and make working economically worthwhile for everyone who is able. Sometimes it's just people trying to feel better.
Why did I read it? I wish I hadn't. I suppose I expected to learn something. Maybe I learned that some people will always judge and be bitter as they look at the greener grass elsewhere. While everyone's life has challenges -- everyone's life has little blessings. Taking note of these things -- whether it's not feeling as nauseated from a chemotherapy treatment, that we've raised decent kids, new shoes that don't hurt our feet, the love of a dog -- are exactly what sustain most of us.
Yes, there may be some stereotypical "seekers" who will turn gratitude into an industry like they've turned "parenting", etc. Why focus on them? They don't bother the rest of us, and who are we to judge? I'll repeat: the good things sustain us. How is it bad to sustain ourselves by noticing them?
Lady, it's not all a vast right wing conspiracy to keep the good people down. That's not to say our government hasn't failed to protect workers and make working economically worthwhile for everyone who is able. Sometimes it's just people trying to feel better.
7
The "problem" with gratitude is that it's like a muscle. If you use it, you develop a language of gratitude in spite of yourself. Just like many other western/capitalist ideas of spiritual practice, we co-opt it and commercialize it. However, the good news is that the practice of it, even if it's a surface practice changes us and opens our hearts in spite of our desire to only experience the warm fuzzy feelings.
3
Gratitude, consideration, generosity, thoughtfulness, good manners. It would be nice to see these in greater evidence across this country. Religious proponents need not apply. Parents, teach your children well.
4
Solidarity is a GREAT word to rediscover, especially since it doesn't connote gratitude-induced guilt, but action and succor. Great conclusion!
3
I think the kind of gratitude that the author describes as selfish evokes the same kind of shallowness that is displayed by yellow magnetic ribbons on our cars at the beginnings of our wars: we're grateful enough to "the troops" to bask in our patriotism by showing off our $1.50 car magnet, but the vast majority of us won't do anything that takes effort or thought or, God forbid, sacrifice.
5
sour grapes.
Barbara I kind of like being on the yoga mat......rather than saving the world which involves lots of self righteous anger and stress....what a self righteous article by a preachy activist.
3
Unfortunately, "Gratitude" as a perspective cannot compete with
"Let's go shopping!", or with all the rampant forms of narcissism promoted--relentlessly--by our social networking and consumerist culture.
"Let's go shopping!", or with all the rampant forms of narcissism promoted--relentlessly--by our social networking and consumerist culture.
1
Magical thinking is even more powerful than gratitude. I'm rich! You know, rich in spirit, and time, because I'm not working....
6
I'm always stunned to hear people complain or whine about petty problems.
Many of these problems I hear from these myopic ingrates would be a luxury for me; likewise, to the many others who truly suffer and struggle for any morsel of a quality of life in any miserable day.
Moreover, I hear people say: "I'm thankful for the little things in life."
Well, here are several of the many countless "little things" in life to be grateful for:
Anytime you are not sick, tired, in pain, insane, injured, intensely itching; and can move, breathe, do activities of daily living, sleep, rest, relax, and have an appetite. And of course, can see, feel, hear, smell, taste and have functioning limbs.
Lastly, anyone who has just ONE friend or family member that will aid, comfort, or support them is extremely lucky.
I start and end every day (for about an hour) counting my blessings, while constantly reminding myself all day to maintain a constant state of grateful mindfulness.
Namaste
Many of these problems I hear from these myopic ingrates would be a luxury for me; likewise, to the many others who truly suffer and struggle for any morsel of a quality of life in any miserable day.
Moreover, I hear people say: "I'm thankful for the little things in life."
Well, here are several of the many countless "little things" in life to be grateful for:
Anytime you are not sick, tired, in pain, insane, injured, intensely itching; and can move, breathe, do activities of daily living, sleep, rest, relax, and have an appetite. And of course, can see, feel, hear, smell, taste and have functioning limbs.
Lastly, anyone who has just ONE friend or family member that will aid, comfort, or support them is extremely lucky.
I start and end every day (for about an hour) counting my blessings, while constantly reminding myself all day to maintain a constant state of grateful mindfulness.
Namaste
17
While I commend you striving for a "constant state of grateful mindfulness", referring to people you deem more fortunate than yourself as "myopic ingrates" seems to be at odds with your philosophy. Many people who are thankful for the "little things" are talking about exactly the things you've listed; none of us can judge whether their lives are more or less difficult than our own, and whether our gratefulness is somehow better than theirs. Some of the lives which look the most perfect from the outside are the ones which are the most broken and dark behind closed doors.
I am filled with gratitude that the New York Times provides me with a venue to vent my spleen. My life is full.
Bonne Annee!
Bonne Annee!
9
I have always cringed at this notion that gratitude makes us a better, happier, more serene person. Gratitude does not imply action or accountability. It struck me as lazy and meaningless. I have always preferred the word that they employ regularly in other countries like Argentina where I lived for years-- the very word the author reminds us of in his conclusion-- solidarity. That implies standing aside those whom we feel indebted to and being accountable in the pursuit of social justice.
10
While I agree that from an economic point of view that the haves should be more willing to give to the have nots as part of their feelings of being grateful rather than just being grateful, I think one of the bigger problems we face in our society today is a lack of civility and of course narcissism. Maybe if we were less obsessed with what's on our Facebook page or how many people are following are twitter feeds, we could spend more time actually caring about the real people we encounter every day in our lives including our friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and so on. Then maybe we could look with our eyes beyond the screen at the faces of the people around us and learn empathy and experience the true act of being grateful. You think?
5
Thank: verb, TRANSITIVE. I typed the T-word. I'll do it again: TRANSITIVE. You idiots cannot just "be" grateful, it is impossible. You can be happy; you can be glad, but without an object, no one can be simply grateful. It ain't brain surgery, it ain't rocket science: it is GRAMMAR.
3
Gratitude in "successful" people is often a psychological adaptation to the stress of knowing you are in the power of others, and there is little hope of reversing the table. So you decide to be "grateful" for this, that, or the other thing, as lacking those things, things [might] be worse.
2
After reading Ehrenreich's NICKEL AND DIMED, a memoir of a period spent working multiple minimum-wage jobs (and failing to keep head above water financially), I immediately started expressing gratitude by becoming an overtipper. That extra dollar or 2 I give a waitress or cabdriver expresses both my gratitude for their (generally under-rewarded) service and for my own luck at not having to work hard in my old age.
10
I give self-serving and self-enhancing gratitude to the NYT for giving Barbara Ehrenreich an occasional op-ed slot. Needless to say that gratitude would increase significantly, if the two parties could arrange a weekly column.
Of course I have continuous gratitude for Ms Ehrenreich for being one of the most plain spoken and articulate commentators, and activists, for the working class. Reading her works gives me a lot more satisfaction than I could ever squeeze out the act of gratitude.
Of course I have continuous gratitude for Ms Ehrenreich for being one of the most plain spoken and articulate commentators, and activists, for the working class. Reading her works gives me a lot more satisfaction than I could ever squeeze out the act of gratitude.
8
I think this is about the self-congratulatory cloying aspect of all the "gratitude" we express these days.
2
Gratitude is best when expressed quietly and sincerely, in a quiet shared moment.
3
Well said. And about time someone said it.
It's like giving, which isn't really giving when you expect/wish for something back
... like gratitude, for instance.
My father in his later years, when he lived alone after my mother died, said "thank you' for the least little thing I or anyone did for him. It was always nice , but one day I realized how truly wonderful it was to live in a family where everyone said thank you ... and meant it. Such a little courtesy that can almost go unnoticed ... but that day I realized just how those thousands of tiny courtesies added uo over a lifetime ,,, and what they said about the people who uttered them.
...and then there was the arrogant CEO of a former employer who called an employee (not a secretary, etc) into a meeting and asked him to get him a glass of water -- and you got it -- didn't say thank you.
I don't care how much money or power the guy had. He lost all my respect that day.
It's like giving, which isn't really giving when you expect/wish for something back
... like gratitude, for instance.
My father in his later years, when he lived alone after my mother died, said "thank you' for the least little thing I or anyone did for him. It was always nice , but one day I realized how truly wonderful it was to live in a family where everyone said thank you ... and meant it. Such a little courtesy that can almost go unnoticed ... but that day I realized just how those thousands of tiny courtesies added uo over a lifetime ,,, and what they said about the people who uttered them.
...and then there was the arrogant CEO of a former employer who called an employee (not a secretary, etc) into a meeting and asked him to get him a glass of water -- and you got it -- didn't say thank you.
I don't care how much money or power the guy had. He lost all my respect that day.
2
Gee, thanks, I guess. Until now I didn't realize how my gratitude could be a measure of my narcissism or my submission to the exploitation of the wealthy elite. Now that I've been set straight I can feel sheepish or guilty or vigilant if I find myself thinking of what's great about simply being alive.
8
The author goes out of her way to present praying and religion in a negative light. Of course, this is the nytimes, so I shouldn't be surprised. I promise you though, as a Catholic who believes, you don't have to try and trick yourself into being grateful if you believe in something greater than yourself. The tenets of faith teach one humility, placing others before yourself, living the golden rule. Go read St Francis' prayer. Go look up who gives the most time talent and treasure to the poor across the world over. Spoiler: it is not the secular viewers of cnn and readers of nytimes. And guess what we are not doing it because we want to feel better about ourselves: we do it because that is living out Jesus' message and it is what we are called to do as Christians.
2
What a relief that I am not the only one with reservations about this gratitude thing! Of course there are things and people that I'm sincerely grateful for, but I can't go overboard with every minute thing. I trust that life holds many good things for us all.
3
"Without the satisfaction of gratitude, the powerful man would have shown himself powerless, and would have been reckoned as such ever after. Therefore every society of the good, which originally meant; the powerful, places gratitude among the first duties. Swift propounded the maxim that men were grateful in the same proportion as they were revengeful."
~Human All Too Human
Nietzsche says that unlike punishment, which is revenge at its most human and its worst - gratitude is good revenge.
~Human All Too Human
Nietzsche says that unlike punishment, which is revenge at its most human and its worst - gratitude is good revenge.
The author totally misses the upside of operating from a sense of gratitude. Ms Ehrenreich seems to be obsessed with the worry that gratitude-expressing people are not interacting with the rest of the world, just with themselves. I challenge her to spend 10 minutes every morning upon waking up for one week writing down a list of what you are grateful for (yes, including the extra $1 an hour you are now making; your health, family, friends, freedom etc etc etc.) Then see how it makes all your interactions with everyone you meet during your day start on a positive note. There's your interactions you've been searching for Ms Ehrenreich. Want to change or improve your life: it comes from within, not by government fiat, or waiting for others to help you. An attitude of gratitude will empower you to have a positive impact on other's lives, as well as your own. Doctor, heal thyself.
40
"No problem." That seems to be the most common, bloodless response these days when you say "Thank you" to someone. We don't even know how to say "You're welcome" anymore.
7
Thank you, Barbara!
(Instead of simply enjoying your cogent essay, thanking you in my head while I do downward dog on my yoga mat, you have persuaded me to write a thank you comment to you, the real person who made me consider gratitude and life from a different angle.)
My life is enriched from having read this.
(Instead of simply enjoying your cogent essay, thanking you in my head while I do downward dog on my yoga mat, you have persuaded me to write a thank you comment to you, the real person who made me consider gratitude and life from a different angle.)
My life is enriched from having read this.
1
As Norma Rae would say, Ka-vetch, ka-vetch.
1
Oh No!!! Gratitude is the opiate of the masses!The right wing is coercing us into actionless gratitude! I must say I am grateful not inside the head of the author of this piece. I agree that we should all fight for better wages etc but who is more useful the miserable depressed malcontent or the grateful human. Even if the grateful one does not take action being around that energy is useful to those around him or her. Hang out with a malcontent for a while and see if you can do anything other than lie down from exhaustion.
Also one does not need to be only grateful to. One can be grateful for or just spontaneously grateful. I have experienced all three.
Just try this. Have gratitude for friends and loved ones. If that is acheived all other problems of lack fade into the background.
Also one does not need to be only grateful to. One can be grateful for or just spontaneously grateful. I have experienced all three.
Just try this. Have gratitude for friends and loved ones. If that is acheived all other problems of lack fade into the background.
4
Thank you for this article. It highlights how gratitude and complacency are different things and that they should not go hand-in-hand.
Many people struggle to find gratitude in their lives - they complain and complain and don't realize how much they have. Though without gratitude, they will not find the emotional reserve to act in solidarity.
You are right that gratitude is not enough to achieving a meaningful life. Acting on that gratitude, and giving others a chance to be grateful (even if it means giving up something of value to yourself) is critical as well.
Many people struggle to find gratitude in their lives - they complain and complain and don't realize how much they have. Though without gratitude, they will not find the emotional reserve to act in solidarity.
You are right that gratitude is not enough to achieving a meaningful life. Acting on that gratitude, and giving others a chance to be grateful (even if it means giving up something of value to yourself) is critical as well.
3
I worked in a very upscale retirement community that had a small number of apts available at below market rates. Invariably the seniors who lived in the BMR apts felt and expressed their gratitude on a near-daily basis PLUS appeared very happy and content with their good fortune to live in such a nice place, while a number of their wealthier neighbors complained about this and that little thing and allowed those "things" to get in the way of enjoying their final years. What a shame they missed gratitude101 class, so many years ago. But actually, it's never too late to learn to be, feel and express gratitude. If nothing else, it makes the lives of those around you a whole lot better.
My very good father passed away in 1976, and I have now lived more than half my life without him. His 113th birthday comes in just two days, and I will be thinking of him with great gratitude on that day, just as I do on many other days. I subscribe to the old theory that people we love remain with us as long they are fondly remembered by us, and that keeping them with us this way is really a way of expressing our gratitude to them.
5
I feel gratitude for the study that exploded the myth that happiness yields good health. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/10/health/happiness-health-study.html?hp&...®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news
2
Didn't know you could express gratitude and improve your health. What then? Express more gratitude for good health? How will this gratitude circle ever end? I thoroughly enjoyed the writer's gentle irony and sarcasm and loved it when she said to pay your tips. Yes, you want to show gratitude pay gratuity. Pay the waitperson in restaurants, pay generously if the service is good, leave a tip for the hotel housekeeping person, tip the shuttle driver who brings you from the distance parking lot to the airport terminal, tip the guys who delivered your two ton sleeper sofa from Crate and Barrel, tip the cab driver, the pizza delivery person. Tip, tip, tip, whenever appropriate. For others, buy flowers, chocolates or wine.
1
There is true gratitude and faux gratitude. The latter is akin to having a "Support Our Troops" bumper sticker as a manifestation of our patriotism while offering zilch sacrifice.
4
Also, that inane "Thank you for your service" you hear from right wing talk show hosts when talking to a solider or a veteran. MIght as well tell our soldiers who have fought in the Middle East wars "Thank you for your service in filling up my gas tank."
1
This is very evocative of EST.
From my time spent in Lalaland and just being around as long as I have I am more and more coming to the POV that this “new age” stuff mainly associated with liberalism is actually a very sophisticated conservative way of making their economic and social victims feel responsible for their victimization. Relate these “new age” notions back to their origins in South Asia and my experience of people abusing their victims as if they have committed the worst moral breach for pointing out their responsibility, that becomes more concrete in my mind.
If you did not know most of the South Asian philosophy is about discouraging assignment of responsibility by using objective facts and rational evaluation.
Most all of it from every sect is about making ones self ok with ones life as it is and taking responsibility for it being that way in spite of the facts.
It eschews often actively discouraging a person from following the idea that one might have done everything right and still is in a bad place for reasons having to do with the purposeful actions of others.
Gratitude- Same cudgel new coat of paint.
From my time spent in Lalaland and just being around as long as I have I am more and more coming to the POV that this “new age” stuff mainly associated with liberalism is actually a very sophisticated conservative way of making their economic and social victims feel responsible for their victimization. Relate these “new age” notions back to their origins in South Asia and my experience of people abusing their victims as if they have committed the worst moral breach for pointing out their responsibility, that becomes more concrete in my mind.
If you did not know most of the South Asian philosophy is about discouraging assignment of responsibility by using objective facts and rational evaluation.
Most all of it from every sect is about making ones self ok with ones life as it is and taking responsibility for it being that way in spite of the facts.
It eschews often actively discouraging a person from following the idea that one might have done everything right and still is in a bad place for reasons having to do with the purposeful actions of others.
Gratitude- Same cudgel new coat of paint.
"Gratitude" and "grace" come from the same Latin word "gratia". So do "gratuity" and "gratuitous", though the latter has taken on a negative meaning. We often receive the truly good things in life through grace—not effort, not because we're deserving, certainly not because I'm more deserving than someone else, but just because life can be unexpectedly generous as well as inexplicably mean. You can't earn love; you can only receive it gratefully.
But not too gratefully. There's a fine line between gratitude and submission or groveling. Those who have less are expected to be more grateful, and to show gratitude more demonstratively, than those who have all the world's material blessings. Why? Because it keeps us in our place.
You don't need to feel gratitude toward someone who pays you a wage for your work. You've earned that. You feel gratitude toward the stranger who, when you're a dollar short at checkout, says "here, let me get that". (I've seen people do this, especially at Walmart or the grocery store, for people emptying their wallet, change and all.) You feel gratitude for the neighbor who does something surprisingly kind. You feel ineffable gratitude in the presence of one who's had it harder than you but radiates goodness and generosity.
You distribute gratitude outward and downward. But nothing's more distasteful than a big benefactor miffed because the little people aren't grateful enough.
As for the cosmos—it doesn't care how you feel. Just be glad to be there.
But not too gratefully. There's a fine line between gratitude and submission or groveling. Those who have less are expected to be more grateful, and to show gratitude more demonstratively, than those who have all the world's material blessings. Why? Because it keeps us in our place.
You don't need to feel gratitude toward someone who pays you a wage for your work. You've earned that. You feel gratitude toward the stranger who, when you're a dollar short at checkout, says "here, let me get that". (I've seen people do this, especially at Walmart or the grocery store, for people emptying their wallet, change and all.) You feel gratitude for the neighbor who does something surprisingly kind. You feel ineffable gratitude in the presence of one who's had it harder than you but radiates goodness and generosity.
You distribute gratitude outward and downward. But nothing's more distasteful than a big benefactor miffed because the little people aren't grateful enough.
As for the cosmos—it doesn't care how you feel. Just be glad to be there.
6
Gratitude has to come from within, not through the lectures of others. And it's possible for the same person to hold feelings of gratitude and resentment at the same time. I am grateful for my life and my family, and I am grateful to be retired in an era where Social Security and Medicare make the difference between a reasonably comfortable retirement and barely getting by; but I resent being lectured to about being grateful, as I and my former coworkers were as the winner-take-all economy began to bite, when "you should be happy to have a job" carried an implied threat. I'm not grateful to told by devious politicians that of course MY social security won't be touched, only that of future retirees; as if I should be indifferent to the fate of my fellow-citizens who happen to be of a younger generation (my children and their children included).
I don't listen to NPR as much as I used to because it sounds increasingly corporate. So I'm not in the least surprised to learn that a foundation that promotes free-market capitalism funded a special on NPR to "improve the attitudes" of poor individuals; in other words, to make sure they know their place.
I don't listen to NPR as much as I used to because it sounds increasingly corporate. So I'm not in the least surprised to learn that a foundation that promotes free-market capitalism funded a special on NPR to "improve the attitudes" of poor individuals; in other words, to make sure they know their place.
10
For people who are generally unhappy or complaining, being grateful for the wonderful things in life can be emotionally and spiritually uplifting. It needs to be genuine, of course. As a rote practice it still may lead to genuine feelings of gratitude, replacing chronic malcontentedness. Expecting those who are needy to be grateful to those who are wealthy would hypocritical. And yet, there are people who are grateful in transcendent ways which do not depend upon their pay grade.They often express feeling thankful for their health, their family or their abilities. I am appreciative of people who do not wear their gratitude on their sleeves hoping to receive recognition for it. There are many, however, whose gratefulness leads to acts of kindness and charity towards others.
9
I thought an attitude of gratitude was about cultivating an energy flow flowing outward, rather than inward, and also rather than, at the other extreme, imploding with self-pity. I thought it was about reacting to challenges not with resistance but with trying to find a constructive interpretation -- such as, "Okay, I just missed that bus, but standing here waiting for the next one gives me time to stand in the fresh air, for which I can be grateful if I so choose." So yes, cultivating a sense of gratitude can be a process involving (only) the self, but I think it involves the self in a way that allows the self to improve in posture and functioning, and, as a result, helps the self to move through the day and its challenges with less drag and damage and with more equanimity and contentment.
14
We should all act on our gratitude -- by saying thanks and giving back. The reflective gratitude that some here label (erroneously, I think) as narcissistic or shallow is about changing one's mindset: to stop looking at life as falling short or owing us something and to embrace the abundance (love, a roof over our heads, food on the table) that MANY of us have in whatever measure and often take for granted. We don't want people to practice gratitude so that they'll stop "whining" about unjust conditions, or remain blind to them. We want to practice gratitude so that we appreciate what we have and, yes, feel better about our lives. With all the negativity we're bombarded with on a daily basis, what's the harm in that? I think gratitude is an important component of resilience in today's world and, far from making us complacent, it should fuel and sustain us -- so that we can act to bring positive change in the world around us.
11
After spending most of the article, except the last paragraph, deconstructing a type of gratitude that is limited and selfish, the author gives here own rather limited and seemingly selfless suggestion as to what can be: solidarity. But is that all it is? Is gratitude not a force for change or a deeper understanding that we are surrounded by a mystery that should stir the imagination. Not just solidarity or a personally good feeling but a feeling and force to be responsible for all that we think and do and feel. It other words: if it is not an evolutionary force its cache will not challenge and extract from reality the facts in which to arrive at honest judgements that spur decisive change.
1
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Thank you for writing this article. It needed to be said; how much good it will do is another question.
The best example of this is that phony preacher on TV every Sunday, Joel Osteen. This joker wants you to be thankful for everything and anything. You have a brain tumor, well you need to thank God that he gave you a brain to have that tumor, and it goes on and on.
"The ontological fallacy of expecting a light at the end of the tunnel, well, that's what the preacher sells, same as a shrink. See, the preacher, he encourages your capacity for illusion. Then he tells you it's a [ ] virtue. Always a buck to be had doing that, and it's such a desperate sense of entitlement, isn't it?"
Rust Cohle, the 21st Century's greatest philosopher
Thank you for writing this article. It needed to be said; how much good it will do is another question.
The best example of this is that phony preacher on TV every Sunday, Joel Osteen. This joker wants you to be thankful for everything and anything. You have a brain tumor, well you need to thank God that he gave you a brain to have that tumor, and it goes on and on.
"The ontological fallacy of expecting a light at the end of the tunnel, well, that's what the preacher sells, same as a shrink. See, the preacher, he encourages your capacity for illusion. Then he tells you it's a [ ] virtue. Always a buck to be had doing that, and it's such a desperate sense of entitlement, isn't it?"
Rust Cohle, the 21st Century's greatest philosopher
6
I have heard some sincere souls -- religious people, mainly, like followers of Thích Nhất Hạnh, readers of Tikkun, and other "spiritual progressives" -- say that we should persuade the rich and powerful to be more mindful, empathetic, compassionate. We must cultivate their "spirituality" in general. Then the world will be healed. Imagine if every CEO of the Fortune 500 became an "Enlightened Buddhist" tomorrow. Wouldn't that be grand?
In my opinion, if every CEO of the Fortune 500 became enlightened tomorrow, then day after tomorrow there would be 500 unemployed ex-CEOs. They would have been fired by their boards of directors. In my opinion, it is pointless -- worse than pointless -- to think that the rich and powerful will ever change their attitudes. The personal attitudes of individual plutocrats are almost completely irrelevant.
What is required, I think, is not an effort to convert the .01 percent to be nicer, kinder people. What is required is action to change the political/economic system we live under. If that means the .01 percent will be hurt in their pocketbooks, too bad for them! The 1% and the 99% are not on the same side -- "spiritually," or in any other way. We are enemies and must fight it out.
In my opinion, if every CEO of the Fortune 500 became enlightened tomorrow, then day after tomorrow there would be 500 unemployed ex-CEOs. They would have been fired by their boards of directors. In my opinion, it is pointless -- worse than pointless -- to think that the rich and powerful will ever change their attitudes. The personal attitudes of individual plutocrats are almost completely irrelevant.
What is required, I think, is not an effort to convert the .01 percent to be nicer, kinder people. What is required is action to change the political/economic system we live under. If that means the .01 percent will be hurt in their pocketbooks, too bad for them! The 1% and the 99% are not on the same side -- "spiritually," or in any other way. We are enemies and must fight it out.
5
To me, real gratitude is freely expressed without thought of self, be it expressed to the person who cut your hair, or the person serving you food, or because you are just inwardly grateful to have a roof over your head and enough to eat. Gratitude given should not be done so with an ulterior motive, i.e., to increase your own happiness.
5
Perhaps more snark and less gratitude?
3
Gratitude for me is quite different from the smug and self-congratulatory attitude Ehrenreich paints. When I cultivate gratitude, my focus shifts from the striving, the competition, the acquisition, the difference between me and others, to an appreciation for the most basic experiences of life that when we are striving we take for granted. Sometimes I am overcome with gratitude at simply being able to see the colors that surround me. Sometimes I give thanks for the nighttime that allows me to lie quietly. Silence is a blessing if I stop to perceive it. This kind of gratitude takes my focus away from pettiness and the self-importance of my own ego.
11
Yeah, pop culture is pretty shallow. But you know, I'm lucky to be able to draw my next breath and I like to acknowledge that, when I remember to.
4
As I've read the many responses to this piece, I've come to better appreciate that the level of gratefulness and generosity that we each show toward others, or act upon, tends to start from within. As a social worker, I'm committed to social progress. We can always do better. But if we tend toward a worldview of mistrust, suspicion, chronic cynicism or dissatisfaction, high levels of anxiety, fear, and/or a depressive outlook, then it probably will makes sense that our view of gratefulness and gratitude will be similarly aligned. For those who understand, witness and experience the gift of
gratitude, media trends hold little weight. They're just not influential enough to be "grating." As a therapist, I do think that one likely has to have a basic recognition, acceptance and appreciation of one's own human vulnerability, before one consistently can display gratefulness and generosity toward others.
gratitude, media trends hold little weight. They're just not influential enough to be "grating." As a therapist, I do think that one likely has to have a basic recognition, acceptance and appreciation of one's own human vulnerability, before one consistently can display gratefulness and generosity toward others.
3
For those who know how gratitude works, they will understand the truth in Barbara's piece.
Certain ways of life have existed for thousands of years within which gratitude training is built into their daily existence.
If you look in the right places, you will find such paths.
Kind regards,
Bob Lee
Assistant Regional Instructor
4th Degree Black Belt
www.bodymindsystems.com
Certain ways of life have existed for thousands of years within which gratitude training is built into their daily existence.
If you look in the right places, you will find such paths.
Kind regards,
Bob Lee
Assistant Regional Instructor
4th Degree Black Belt
www.bodymindsystems.com
Sorry Charlie, you are either grateful or you aren't. It is an organic emotional response to the actions of another or the circumstances one finds ones self in do to good deeds done by others. It has nothing to do with ego based mental self pleasuring.
Whatever the heck you are doing probably is not gratitude.
Whatever the heck you are doing probably is not gratitude.
I am a huge fan of Ms. Ehrenreich, and I understand the position she is taking here. I, too, get very tired of the lectures from the privileged to those less so about the virtues they should be exemplifying. I teach at an urban community college and my students, by and large, are all either "positive thinkers" or are deeply religious. Sometimes, it is difficult to try to show them the ways in which they have been cheated by our society without breaking their faith. I walk a fine line with this every day in the classroom.
In this case, however, I think she has missed a point and I think it is the same point that has been missed by those advocating gratitude. As Karl Marx said, "All that is solid melts into air." So, it is not people, places, or things for which we need to be thankful (to whomever). It is the simple act of being thankful for being alive--for our air, for the earth, for the trees, for the stars. In those we all share, although certainly not equally. True gratitude is appreciation for life itself, with all of its flaws. And we can be grateful for that while still acknowledging societal injustice and working for a better world for everyone.
In this case, however, I think she has missed a point and I think it is the same point that has been missed by those advocating gratitude. As Karl Marx said, "All that is solid melts into air." So, it is not people, places, or things for which we need to be thankful (to whomever). It is the simple act of being thankful for being alive--for our air, for the earth, for the trees, for the stars. In those we all share, although certainly not equally. True gratitude is appreciation for life itself, with all of its flaws. And we can be grateful for that while still acknowledging societal injustice and working for a better world for everyone.
116
We should all be grateful for being born into a capitalistic system that encourages incentive, and allows us to put our words in front of millions of others... right, Barbara?
2
I always have a hard time with the emphasis on positive and ignoring or denying the negative side of ourselves and the social/economic/political situations we find ourselves in. I like her idea of thinking to be grateful to the struggling people who put food on our tables. Practicing gratitude combined with serving others seems like a way to counteract the narcissism we find. I think of some friends, activists, who are grateful for their blessings and at the same time work for peace and justice and well being of others. Just being aware of others and wishing them well can change your mind too. Add that to the gratitude.
1
Thanks so much, Ms. Ehrenreich, for this clear-eyed, realistic, and honest essay.
A sense of solidarity - of common humanity - is indeed what is needed.
Regarding "saying grace to an abstract God," it sounds as though you, too, have sat at too many richly covered tables where someone intones thanks to God for His "bounties and blessings" as though the deity has found the people in the room far more deserving than the millions who don't know where or when their next sustenance might be had. The arrogance and willful ignorance underlying such prayers makes me cringe at almost every holiday.
Yes, God really likes us, hallelujah! Too bad He doesn't care for "those people."
I wish we could all acknowledge more of the myriad types and huge amounts of just plain old random luck that has allowed most of us reading here to have the many "blessings" we have. That, methinks, might be the beginning of real gratitude, and of real empathy for others who haven't experienced equivalent good fortune.
A sense of solidarity - of common humanity - is indeed what is needed.
Regarding "saying grace to an abstract God," it sounds as though you, too, have sat at too many richly covered tables where someone intones thanks to God for His "bounties and blessings" as though the deity has found the people in the room far more deserving than the millions who don't know where or when their next sustenance might be had. The arrogance and willful ignorance underlying such prayers makes me cringe at almost every holiday.
Yes, God really likes us, hallelujah! Too bad He doesn't care for "those people."
I wish we could all acknowledge more of the myriad types and huge amounts of just plain old random luck that has allowed most of us reading here to have the many "blessings" we have. That, methinks, might be the beginning of real gratitude, and of real empathy for others who haven't experienced equivalent good fortune.
5
I think Barbara Ehrenreich has made a career out of calling us out for one thing or another. She calls herself "a myth buster by trade." So, I can't help but notice a tinge of journalistic cynicism to make the piece "work" somehow - and what better topic to take up than "gratitude?" How about not clumping us into categories of "self-love" or "narcissists" for that matter? How about letting us celebrate this season with joy, appreciation and, yes, gratitude without making us question ourselves or feeling bad about it?
5
YAY! At last. Thank you Barbara Ehrenreich! (Only half joking about my expression of gratitude - -your wok is wonderful and I am grateful for it).
1
I think what this essay misses that it isn't possible for someone to cynically embrace gratitude as some kind of ploy to improve their own life. The emotion itself would motivate them to notice and relieve the deprivations of others. It's simply not possible to experience "selfish gratitude".
Selfish gratitude is the kind of emotion we think that other, less reflective people feel, but which does not actually exist.
Selfish gratitude is the kind of emotion we think that other, less reflective people feel, but which does not actually exist.
3
What a sour, boring rumination. Of course it's true that we should work toward greater equity in the world. But adopting an attitude of gratitude does not prevent us from working for social justice. In fact, it encourages it because we no longer feel quite so burdened by the daily grind of life, where our expectations are often frustrated and our hopes even more often unrealized. As Carrie Fisher said recently (my new favorite phrase): the days when things keep getting worse faster than you can lower your standards. If we approach life from the standpoint that things are unfairly not going our way, we become bitter and sad, even in the face of having more to eat at a cheaper cost than at any time in history. That is the point about adopting gratitude as an approach to life. Somehow I suspect Barbara knows all this, but chooses to engage in this annoying kvetching simply to fill column space. So there's my gripe. Now back to being grateful.
7
My stepdaughter, age 52, has been battling Hodgins for 42 years. She is at the end of the game. Tumors in her brain, spine and liver. On Thanksgiving, she asked us to hold hands and express what we were thankful for. She lead. She was thankful that she was still alive, that she had the support of family and friends, and she was thankful for gratitude.
It gave us all pause. Isn't gratitude thankfulness? No, she said. Gratitude is being thankful for the positive things that happens in ones life that are not the result of anything you did, but just a gift from life. Still being alive;a sunny day; a rainy day, if we need rain; the friendship of a stranger; the admiration of a child who thinks you are the coolest thing on the planet (she's a teacher).
It made our Thanksgiving.
It gave us all pause. Isn't gratitude thankfulness? No, she said. Gratitude is being thankful for the positive things that happens in ones life that are not the result of anything you did, but just a gift from life. Still being alive;a sunny day; a rainy day, if we need rain; the friendship of a stranger; the admiration of a child who thinks you are the coolest thing on the planet (she's a teacher).
It made our Thanksgiving.
111
This piece is much appreciated, especially since it provides a much-needed corrective to something previously published in the Times. I encourage everyone to read Ms. Ehrenreich's piece as an antidote to the vile and shockingly cynical op-ed written by Arthur C. Brooks on the occasion of what is known as Thanksgiving here in the States. In fact, read them side-by-side. Here's the previous one:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/opinion/sunday/choose-to-be-grateful-i...
Mr. Brooks is, of course, the president of the American Enterprise Institute, the neoconservative (let's-help-people-not-)think tank. Its presumably thankful board of directors is a who's-who of corporate CEOs. Its fellows include Lynne Cheney, Newt Gingrich, David Frum, Christina Hoff Sommers, and the delightful Charles Murray.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/opinion/sunday/choose-to-be-grateful-i...
Mr. Brooks is, of course, the president of the American Enterprise Institute, the neoconservative (let's-help-people-not-)think tank. Its presumably thankful board of directors is a who's-who of corporate CEOs. Its fellows include Lynne Cheney, Newt Gingrich, David Frum, Christina Hoff Sommers, and the delightful Charles Murray.
4
One of the reasons I like the writings of Eirenreich is that she asks questions; takes a pause to ask us about what motivates our actions. 'Why, don't we learn to be a little self-serving for once in our lives?', to a childhood friend, causing us both to laugh wryly,
Selfish as they come, I have managed to find a pair of warm socks in a lovely empty house and reading 'Such, Such Were the Joys', an essay by George Orwell of his less-than-inspiring school days and the awful headmistress 'Bingo' and a Mr. Sim.
'A child believes that the school exists to educate and that the schoolmaster disciplines him either for his own good. Bingo and Sim had chosen to befriend me and their friendship included canings, reproaches and humiliations, which were good for me, and saved me from an office stool. It was therefore clear that I owed them a vast debt of gratitude. But I was not grateful, as I very well knew. On the contrary I hated them both'.
In thanking a friend earlier, one who saved my life years ago, she replied 'this is what friends are for'. Whether this is true or not, I leave others to determine, while feeling both selfish and grateful for enjoying some peace and quiet, reading the comments of others.
Selfish as they come, I have managed to find a pair of warm socks in a lovely empty house and reading 'Such, Such Were the Joys', an essay by George Orwell of his less-than-inspiring school days and the awful headmistress 'Bingo' and a Mr. Sim.
'A child believes that the school exists to educate and that the schoolmaster disciplines him either for his own good. Bingo and Sim had chosen to befriend me and their friendship included canings, reproaches and humiliations, which were good for me, and saved me from an office stool. It was therefore clear that I owed them a vast debt of gratitude. But I was not grateful, as I very well knew. On the contrary I hated them both'.
In thanking a friend earlier, one who saved my life years ago, she replied 'this is what friends are for'. Whether this is true or not, I leave others to determine, while feeling both selfish and grateful for enjoying some peace and quiet, reading the comments of others.
Being grateful for the blessings big and small that I have received throughout my lifetime in no way negates the need for more social justice in the world. It is very easy in our advertising saturated culture to be dissatisfied with what we have and who we are on a daily basis. Advertising's main job is to create dissatisfaction in order to sell us something that will be the solution to this dissatisfaction. We strive for more and more of what we do not really want or need. Contentment is not a word we hear very much. To me gratitude in part means being content with who I am and what I have - as is - with no qualifications attached. This is the need that gratitude fills in my life.
5
Well, we'll always have our cynicism to keep us warm in the coming new year.
Does gratitude have to be solely between people who have done you right and so (justly so) deserve thanks?
Compared to many in the world I live a fortunate life in a free society with few hardships other than mostly the so called "first world problems".
Roll of the dice and I just got lucky. Many people in the world get a much worse hand. I am immensely grateful for such good fortune.
Who should I go and thank?
Compared to many in the world I live a fortunate life in a free society with few hardships other than mostly the so called "first world problems".
Roll of the dice and I just got lucky. Many people in the world get a much worse hand. I am immensely grateful for such good fortune.
Who should I go and thank?
3
I'm grateful (1) to have been born in the United States of America, (2) to be 68 years old and in good health, (3) for my family, especially a wife who doesn't complain about anything, and (4) most of all, 23 years of continuous sobriety.
5
Oh for God's sake, this is one of the pettiest columns I have ever had the misfortune of reading. This woman thinks gratitude is "selfish"? How does she feel about self-righteousness, seeing as how that's all that was in this thing?
6
Thank you, Ms. Ehrenreich, for this column. The problem with the present "gratitude movement" is that gratitude is it's own feedback loop a lot of the time. And the loop loops back to moi. That is we show gratitude often just because such a behavior makes us feel good, rather than to convey to another person that his or her action made a positive difference in our lives.
1
I am grateful for those who helped educate and enlighten me. Equally, I'm grateful to be able to engage across the country through the innovations such as the world wide web. Finally, I'm grateful that I can click out of Ehrenreich's article and move on to something that's actually interesting.
There's nothing I can add here other than to say thanks to SusanP, Matthew L. MIMA, and educato for eloquently rebutting the columnist's sadly cynical view. Yes...I'm grateful.
I'll tell you one thing I'm grateful for and that is the continuing existence of Barbara Ehrenreich and her smart, funny, pertinent, accurate, and important voice. NYTIMES! Give this woman a column!
3
Many thanks to Ms Ehrenreich for her eloquent debunking of yet another attempt by the many right wing "think tanks" to promote the opposite of the commodity which supposedly defines them. It's an irony that they spend a lot of time thinking about ways to get everyone else not to think.
Their functionaries should rightly be called "sultans of glib". Got to give them credit, though, for how they cleverly co-opted NPR, which has at least a veneer of thoughtfulness about it.
But its hard to resist expressing gratitude to Ms Ehrenreich for this wicked little piece, which could just as easily have been entitled:
"The Gratitude Platitude"
Their functionaries should rightly be called "sultans of glib". Got to give them credit, though, for how they cleverly co-opted NPR, which has at least a veneer of thoughtfulness about it.
But its hard to resist expressing gratitude to Ms Ehrenreich for this wicked little piece, which could just as easily have been entitled:
"The Gratitude Platitude"
4
I finally know who David Brooks essays are inspired by.
1
There is enough joy in helping others that in another universe it would be sinful- Gratitude, and all of the cousins of altruism and idealism, should be valued not as virtues but as responsibilities that provide pleasure for both giver and receiver. Somehow, in the virtue of selfishness political philosophy that has been relentlessly banging at our brains, the human impulse for gratitude has been relegated to a catch phrase. The grapes of wrath are getting heavy for the vintage, and may it bring us strength to honor our instinct for selflessness and the peace that comes with it in 2016.
It's funny, I recently sent a relatively expensive gift to a friend as a thank-you for helping me with something. I have rarely felt so wonderful as when I hit that purchase button. In fact, it was close to an ecstatic feeling, as if I'd had a drink (or in my case, a large donut). But then he barely acknowledged the gift, and now I feel kind of lousy! I wonder if he didn't realize the monetary value, or was just too preoccupied with other things? Anyway, I wonder if HIS reaction should even matter?
1
Superb.
1
I am grateful for every glass of clean water I drink and every breath of fresh non polluted air. Every life has its ups and downs so just enjoy the small perks of daily living. Now would someone please shut up these ungrateful republican candidates for potus.
3
Really thought-provoking. One cannot argue with the concept that expressing gratitude has become a trendy cliche, in a society where trendy cliches are more common than apples. It's appropriate to recommend backing up that self-satisfied feeling with action, whenever possible. Ehrenreich always makes good points.
1
I learnt a new word from reading this article today. Onanism.
I feel a sense of gratitude from this accomplishment though not self-love.
It is sad though how many organized religions and self help gurus teach prosperity these days and gratitude of that prosperity rather than meaningful compassion. This is a salve for the guilt one could feel for those less well off. It absolves the prosperous from feeling for the dispossessed - they were not pious enough or grateful enough - and so deserve their penury.
I feel a sense of gratitude from this accomplishment though not self-love.
It is sad though how many organized religions and self help gurus teach prosperity these days and gratitude of that prosperity rather than meaningful compassion. This is a salve for the guilt one could feel for those less well off. It absolves the prosperous from feeling for the dispossessed - they were not pious enough or grateful enough - and so deserve their penury.
Thank you, Barbara Ehrenreich. On a very regular basis I am grateful for your thoughts.
Yes, more money is important for people having too little, and for those of us with enough resources, wishing it were different for others is not enough. At the same time, attitude is important, and Ehrenreich downplays this: "The foundation does not fund projects to directly improve the lives of poor individuals, but it has spent a great deal, through efforts like these, to improve their attitudes." This gives the sense that the holy dollar is enough. It ain't.
1
I disagree that we always have to be grateful TO someone. My gratitude often just extends to the universe. I also think some people are temperamentally more prone to feeling grateful than other, more curmudgeonly types.
However, I do believe our gratitude should propel us to do good works. And when you feel gratitude or love for an actual person, you should let them know, before the moment gets away. This is the way to avoid regret.
However, I do believe our gratitude should propel us to do good works. And when you feel gratitude or love for an actual person, you should let them know, before the moment gets away. This is the way to avoid regret.
5
What is wrong is gratitude "to"
Useless 'less there's nothing to do.
But gratitude "for"
Is what I adore
The tenth percent who are so few.
I'm grateful for the Brothers Koch,
The billions they have in their poke.
The way they pollute
And never do rue it
And claim climate change is a joke.
Useless 'less there's nothing to do.
But gratitude "for"
Is what I adore
The tenth percent who are so few.
I'm grateful for the Brothers Koch,
The billions they have in their poke.
The way they pollute
And never do rue it
And claim climate change is a joke.
4
A poet from New York City,
Wrote verses people found witty,
But when they replied,
He upped and died,
Laughing?
When he came back,
He took a different tack,
But though it failed,
He, nevertheless, prevailed.
The rest, as they say, is history...
Wrote verses people found witty,
But when they replied,
He upped and died,
Laughing?
When he came back,
He took a different tack,
But though it failed,
He, nevertheless, prevailed.
The rest, as they say, is history...
Something that really bothers me is that during the holidays WE are pushed to "give" to save animals, to save children in other parts of the world, to save the environment, to provide food and clothing for those who need it. It's not that I don't want to "give" because I do. It's that the wealthiest and their handmaidens are the ones pushing ME to give - in their names. Oprah and Howard Schultz are particularly irritating because they take all the credit for OUR donations and set themselves up as royalty - yet refuse to pay proportionate taxes to the rest of us. I'm grateful I can turn off the television.
22
Moment of gratitude experienced...humanoid observes that charity does little other than to enable the perfidy of oligarchs compounded by government incompetence and corruption.
3
Do you think they refuse to pay? Or is it just that the laws are set up so that they don't have to? If you had the choice between paying more taxes or less, would you choose the more option?
I'm not a huge Oprah fan, but wow, she's given away an enormous amount of money, mostly to poor minority students wanting to go to school.
I'm not a huge Oprah fan, but wow, she's given away an enormous amount of money, mostly to poor minority students wanting to go to school.
Animals can't save themselves. I want to work toward a world in which animal shelters aren't necessary, and where no animal is mistreated, exploited, or neglected - which is what the Humane Society of the US, PETA, the Fund for Animals, the Animal Legal Defense Fund, and similar organisations are working toward. So I give to them ungrudgingly. But until they succeed in these goals, which I don't foresee happening in my lifetime, I'll gladly give to help make the animal shelters that remain necessary into clean, well-run places, to provide rescue and veterinary care, and for spay/neuter, humane education, and similar services, as the ASPCA, our local shelters and rescue groups, Kindness Ranch (a home for retired lab animals) and similar groups. To let your resentment of Oprah et al. (whom I dislike for your reasons plus some others) serve as an excuse to keep your heart and pocketbook closed is just shabby. Rather than sprain your elbow patting yourself on the back for your proletarian consciousness, just cut the hypocrisy and say 'I don't want to give; I'd rather buy a new coat or go out to a movie with the money'.
1
Theoretically, what would make me most truly grateful, in a shallow materialistic sense?
Easy...
If only America's government would stop "helping" people, especially by *killing* them in places all over the world using its remorseless military machine, I would be eternally grateful.
As for domestic life, I would be utterly grateful if people really knew how to live, i.e., without "helping" the economy.
Free *tip* from a local radical oldster...
Easy...
If only America's government would stop "helping" people, especially by *killing* them in places all over the world using its remorseless military machine, I would be eternally grateful.
As for domestic life, I would be utterly grateful if people really knew how to live, i.e., without "helping" the economy.
Free *tip* from a local radical oldster...
3
What sparks my attitude of gratitude?
Freedom...
Not false freedom soldiers sometimes claim to win.
Not political freedom granted by the laws of man.
Not financial freedom, e.g., no debt and money in the bank.
Not religious freedom, a kind of oxymoron.
None of that is real freedom.
What kind of freedom sparks my gratitude?
The freedom that derives from an open mind, a loving heart and an unflinchingly welcoming attitude towards each and every moment of my life, however simple and brief it may prove to be.
Happy New Year!
Freedom...
Not false freedom soldiers sometimes claim to win.
Not political freedom granted by the laws of man.
Not financial freedom, e.g., no debt and money in the bank.
Not religious freedom, a kind of oxymoron.
None of that is real freedom.
What kind of freedom sparks my gratitude?
The freedom that derives from an open mind, a loving heart and an unflinchingly welcoming attitude towards each and every moment of my life, however simple and brief it may prove to be.
Happy New Year!
5
I read this because of Barbara Ehrenreich's byline and I was not disappointed. A whole world, that I am not familiar with, exists to make my life better and easier. I do support their causes, I am willing to fight for their rights and allow them dignity as they do their jobs with no expectations from me. In 2016 I hope for them to succeed in their fight for better pay and working conditions. No wish I have means more.
5
"If there is any loving in this, it is self-love, and the current hoopla around gratitude is a celebration of onanism."
Wonderful point, but isn't the antidote for onanism (and hedonism) altruism, as well as solidarity? Solidarity, of course, is altruism that extends individual behavior to a collective response.
Altruism is a natural humanistic impulse and superior to gratitude in that, unlike mere acknowledgement of what others have done for us, it involves nurturing, positive actions, and results on behalf of others.
Unfortunately, the current crop of Republicans and the right wing think tanks that shill for them feature many disciples of Ayn Rand, who, for much of her public life, aspired to make "altruism" a dirty word.
Wonderful point, but isn't the antidote for onanism (and hedonism) altruism, as well as solidarity? Solidarity, of course, is altruism that extends individual behavior to a collective response.
Altruism is a natural humanistic impulse and superior to gratitude in that, unlike mere acknowledgement of what others have done for us, it involves nurturing, positive actions, and results on behalf of others.
Unfortunately, the current crop of Republicans and the right wing think tanks that shill for them feature many disciples of Ayn Rand, who, for much of her public life, aspired to make "altruism" a dirty word.
5
"Please, Thank You, Wow!"- being grateful
1
"Saying grace to an abstract God is an evasion. . . " Indeed that may be the case for some who espouse faith. Yet for others such as myself, thankfulness to God is expressed through actions,where my thankfulness is shown and shared; thankfulness is "poured out" through lips and life, faith and works. With that said, please stop generalizing, the understanding and practice of faith varies from individual to individual, community to community, doctrine to doctrine.
6
Yes !! I AM SELFISH ! And definitely not because of Gratitude. I am selfish because there is nothing or no one to whom I am grateful. For you see, I have nothing except the pits - no steady job, minimum wage, pile of bills getting bigger, filled with constant trepidation of being out in the cold, forgotten and rejected from the mainstream. Should I be grateful for my miserable life because I still have a life like Tiny Tim? Sorry! I cannot afford such magnanimity. I guess I am being completely selfish and an ingrate.Oh I forgot! I have to be grateful for the $15/hour coming my way. And yes, selfishly that makes me grateful for small mercies.
9
This is a rather shallow view of an ancient topic. It makes gratitude a mere psychological element of a transaction, rather than a foundation that supports creation of meaning in the world. Gratitude is the view that good things are never under our complete control, no matter how hard we try. You can try hard to fall asleep, but you cannot make it happen. Homer's Odysseus shows us how gratitude is put into practice, how humans are at their best when acting in ways we cannot or ought not take credit for.
66
No, she is pointing out how gratitude has become a shallow expression by shallow people to make themselves feel better. I don't think Odysseus is at all about gratitude, he certainly could have used some gratitude instead of stealing and taking advantage of so many.
2
Barbara Ehrenreich suggests that a Walmart employee who base pay raised from $8 to $9 would be a “chump” to feel grateful in light of the fortune of Walmart owners and executives. She feels the huge gap between the working poor and the people they work for is unjust in the extreme.
I agree with it is unjust, and like Ehrenreich I want social change. The question I have is whether an attitude of gratitude for small gains gets in the way of the big gains needed to bring about social change. Does it dissipate the anger than might motivate the drive for a more just society?
I’m not sure it does. Anger can blind as well as motivate. Anger can lead to great frustration, and a giving up. Gratitude, on the other hand, while reducing stress and fostering happiness, also can reduce the tendency of people to engage in self-blame or disengage. It seems to be more likely to lead to greater efforts to bring about needed social change.
To me, the best response to a $1 raise in a Walmart worker’s wage is to be grateful and happy with the improvement, to see that change is possible, but to be clear-headed about the need for a lot more change. It has always seemed to me that the happy warrior type of social reformers –like FDR or Gandhi or Wilberforce or Douglas—who showed gratitude for small gains but never lost sight of the need for more—have brought about the more lasting social change.
I agree with it is unjust, and like Ehrenreich I want social change. The question I have is whether an attitude of gratitude for small gains gets in the way of the big gains needed to bring about social change. Does it dissipate the anger than might motivate the drive for a more just society?
I’m not sure it does. Anger can blind as well as motivate. Anger can lead to great frustration, and a giving up. Gratitude, on the other hand, while reducing stress and fostering happiness, also can reduce the tendency of people to engage in self-blame or disengage. It seems to be more likely to lead to greater efforts to bring about needed social change.
To me, the best response to a $1 raise in a Walmart worker’s wage is to be grateful and happy with the improvement, to see that change is possible, but to be clear-headed about the need for a lot more change. It has always seemed to me that the happy warrior type of social reformers –like FDR or Gandhi or Wilberforce or Douglas—who showed gratitude for small gains but never lost sight of the need for more—have brought about the more lasting social change.
118
Genuine charity has no conditions and is undertaken because it's necessary to assure all are treated the same with their basic needs satisfied not because anyone deserves it. We really should just make doing good a habit no different than any other function of a civil society.
46
Casual: I agree. However, there would be no libraries, hospitals or concert halls built without a large marble 'Gratitude' plaque affixed over the door. (Would it be possible to take a 'selfie' with the donor without being 'selfish'?)
1
Am I the only one that finds the author to have an aura of smug superiority? Yes, gratitude may be a catalyst for social action but it need not be focused on another person to be transformational. For those in pain, it's enough to be grateful for this breath. And the next.
17
Maybe, maybe not. You could see it as an argument against the smug advocacy of gratitude as a diversion from social causes of injustice. Counting one's blessings for health, is not the same as being grateful for the Waltons' reluctant parting with an extra few pennies.
2
One can be a tough cookie without being smug about it. The author once wrote of our quest for happiness and does not feel that it is necessary to embrace cancer as a gift. What she added on the above, added spice and mirth to a serious topic, and our habit of trying to sugar-coat and adopt a positive attitude in the face of all ills, rang true to my ears.
When a friend asks how do I manage to be so chipper, I reply that behind every clown looms a weeping willow. But I always like best what an acquaintance has to add on the topics of happiness and gratitude. Having spent most of her life in the humanitarian field, and after a long assignment in the Sudan, her motto remains: 'whatever makes you happy'.
Whether she is a selfish custard, I remain dubious, but she surprised me recently by mentioning how very sensitive people are. If you work in the humanitarian community, you are going to learn to be sensitive, while feeling grateful for the company of your cat.
When a friend asks how do I manage to be so chipper, I reply that behind every clown looms a weeping willow. But I always like best what an acquaintance has to add on the topics of happiness and gratitude. Having spent most of her life in the humanitarian field, and after a long assignment in the Sudan, her motto remains: 'whatever makes you happy'.
Whether she is a selfish custard, I remain dubious, but she surprised me recently by mentioning how very sensitive people are. If you work in the humanitarian community, you are going to learn to be sensitive, while feeling grateful for the company of your cat.
Very interesting opinion piece. What immediately came to mind is Arthur C. Brooks' essay in these pages entitled "Choose To Be Grateful. It Will Make You Happier." (NYT Nov 21, 2015). Unlike Ms. Ehrenreich, Mr. Brooks seemed to be sharpening a very specific ideological ax with his column -- in a nutshell, he was arguing for the "chumps" version of gratitude. Clothed himself in psychology data to throw off the scent. Best of all, he wrote it straight! Not a whiff of irony, though Voltaire covered this pretty well in a previous work entitled Candide, written centuries ago. Dr. Pangloss lives!
I wonder, is Mr. Brooks funded by the Templeton Foundation too? The idea that Americans have been persuaded to vote against their own economic interests by the well-heeled oligarchs of this country can drive one to distraction. That these same oligarchs apparently spend to convince us that we should also be grateful for the current state of affairs is chilling. And entirely logical.
Ms. Ehrenreich's column gives me the willies. Wealthy ideologues pushing their opiates on the masses, clothed in intellectual rigor? Hired academic guns publishing in respectable media, behaving like right-wing sleeper cells? Have they penetrated even the august pages of the NY Times?
I wonder, is Mr. Brooks funded by the Templeton Foundation too? The idea that Americans have been persuaded to vote against their own economic interests by the well-heeled oligarchs of this country can drive one to distraction. That these same oligarchs apparently spend to convince us that we should also be grateful for the current state of affairs is chilling. And entirely logical.
Ms. Ehrenreich's column gives me the willies. Wealthy ideologues pushing their opiates on the masses, clothed in intellectual rigor? Hired academic guns publishing in respectable media, behaving like right-wing sleeper cells? Have they penetrated even the august pages of the NY Times?
23
According to Wikipedia, Arthur Brooks "is the president of the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank." American Enterprise is "owned" by the Koch brothers gang.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_C._Brooks
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_C._Brooks
6
Dr. Daniel,
Enjoyed with 'gratitude' what you had to contribute, and Voltaire's Candide also came to mind earlier. We had it at school, and now past sixty, I have read it twice again, but this novel leaves me depressed. I asked a friend, a Frenchman of intellect, for an explanation and he replied that it was about tending to one's own garden?
Enjoyed with 'gratitude' what you had to contribute, and Voltaire's Candide also came to mind earlier. We had it at school, and now past sixty, I have read it twice again, but this novel leaves me depressed. I asked a friend, a Frenchman of intellect, for an explanation and he replied that it was about tending to one's own garden?
1
It should give you "the willies". I am NOT grateful to the neocon bunch who, are trying to change our attitudes, rather than our circumstances.
It gives me a cold grue to think of the future, as they would have it: no social security, no medicare, no medicaid, or any kind of safety net; no care for the planet or the living beings on it; work for what we'll give you and BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE A JOB. The person who identified that as the implied threat it is, is spot on. I'm grateful to that person, and to Ms. Ehrenreich, for exposing this whole scam.
Be grateful, yes, for the wonderful natural world. For what is indeed good. Don't let the Templeton Foundation, or any other scoundrels, blind you to the facts.
It gives me a cold grue to think of the future, as they would have it: no social security, no medicare, no medicaid, or any kind of safety net; no care for the planet or the living beings on it; work for what we'll give you and BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE A JOB. The person who identified that as the implied threat it is, is spot on. I'm grateful to that person, and to Ms. Ehrenreich, for exposing this whole scam.
Be grateful, yes, for the wonderful natural world. For what is indeed good. Don't let the Templeton Foundation, or any other scoundrels, blind you to the facts.
Today, people make a living off of writing self help books for millennials on how to find a job, understanding what hard work is, the need to be "unique" and set yourself apart especially via social media, and they
make even more consulting businesses on understanding "millennial culture," which just means they all think we are ungrateful and lazy. Although gratitude can build grit and add meaning to even the most seemingly meaningless experience, can gratitude help us solve youth unemployment? Student loans? The skills gap? High costs of education? Call me cynical, but gratitude seems to be synonymous with graciousness.
make even more consulting businesses on understanding "millennial culture," which just means they all think we are ungrateful and lazy. Although gratitude can build grit and add meaning to even the most seemingly meaningless experience, can gratitude help us solve youth unemployment? Student loans? The skills gap? High costs of education? Call me cynical, but gratitude seems to be synonymous with graciousness.
3
i can always tell my state of mind by how much gratitude i'm feeling in the moment. it's not driven much by money or success. it's definitely powered by Love. as a default emotion, you could do far worse. happy new year.
14
I'm grateful for Barbara Ehrenreich who once again turns a withering eye to our pieties. She's so right! Thank you!
11
Shut up and stop complaining, & register how lucky you are to be simply alive—Is what, I think, is meant by cultivating an attitude of gratitude—I believe it's intended to be the opposite of self-aggrandizement—Not about YOU/ME Me Me and more about acknowledging others or sheer luck for what is given. When the YOU/ego is taken out of the equation, it would only figure that the next step would be to give back. No harm there.
4
But aren't you complaining about how YOU think others should act? I don't think that's how that's supposed to work.
2
Brilliant Barbara, as always, making certain that I take a second look at those trends or movements that in the end only appear to be truly meaningful. Not only am I reminded to take a second look, but to pick the thing up, turn it around, have a third or fourth or fifth look, and finally come closer to the truth. Brava!
5
What do you think of this?
Long ago, my grandmother (a poor, illiterate, homely widow who buried three children) taught me to be grateful for whatever I have AND TO SHOW MY GRATITUDE by:
- Being kind and helpful to all others (animal, vegetable, and mineral), and by
- Working ceaselessly (interpersonally and through financial and political engagement) even if it takes forever to rid the world of suffering.
GRATITUDE IS A BEGINNING NOT AN END.
IT IS A CALL TO ACTION, NOT A MERE SATISFACTION.
My grandmother assumed everyone understood this. If not now, then in time.
Please NYT readers, please be grateful and have a little trust.
Yes, there is a lot of work to do. But are doing it. We are doing it!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Long ago, my grandmother (a poor, illiterate, homely widow who buried three children) taught me to be grateful for whatever I have AND TO SHOW MY GRATITUDE by:
- Being kind and helpful to all others (animal, vegetable, and mineral), and by
- Working ceaselessly (interpersonally and through financial and political engagement) even if it takes forever to rid the world of suffering.
GRATITUDE IS A BEGINNING NOT AN END.
IT IS A CALL TO ACTION, NOT A MERE SATISFACTION.
My grandmother assumed everyone understood this. If not now, then in time.
Please NYT readers, please be grateful and have a little trust.
Yes, there is a lot of work to do. But are doing it. We are doing it!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
51
In addition to all the points Ms Ehrenreich makes here, I would add:
1. You cannot choose your feelings. How much simpler the world would be if you could! No unhappy marriages; simply decide to love your spouse and not your personal trainer. Just toss away your resentments, anger, bitterness, sadness. We are often preached at to the contrary. Christianity makes a principle of exhorting you to choose your feelings ('love your neighbour' is not equivalent to 'pick up a quart of milk on your way home' or 'don't hit your little sister') and scolds you for what you can't help (lust in your heart = adultery; Jesus, not Orwell, invented 'thoughtcrime').
2. Gratitude on demand is usually dripping with Uriah Heepery - perfunctory and insincere, rotten with resentment under the fulsome expression.
True gratitude must arise spontaneously, and in response to an actual object. It doesn't exist in a vacuum and it can't be produced on order.
That said, I'm grateful for Ms Ehrenreich's books and look forward to the next one.
1. You cannot choose your feelings. How much simpler the world would be if you could! No unhappy marriages; simply decide to love your spouse and not your personal trainer. Just toss away your resentments, anger, bitterness, sadness. We are often preached at to the contrary. Christianity makes a principle of exhorting you to choose your feelings ('love your neighbour' is not equivalent to 'pick up a quart of milk on your way home' or 'don't hit your little sister') and scolds you for what you can't help (lust in your heart = adultery; Jesus, not Orwell, invented 'thoughtcrime').
2. Gratitude on demand is usually dripping with Uriah Heepery - perfunctory and insincere, rotten with resentment under the fulsome expression.
True gratitude must arise spontaneously, and in response to an actual object. It doesn't exist in a vacuum and it can't be produced on order.
That said, I'm grateful for Ms Ehrenreich's books and look forward to the next one.
16
Gratitude is a high art which can be practiced whatever our life circumstances. The possibility of gratitude is built in to each of us and is activated through the heart. As an art, gratitude is not primarily a reflection of our situation nor a feel-good emotion but a stance taken from the inside out. If it doesn't come naturally at times, consider that each of us finds ourselves inside a collection of 50 trillion cells working in unison so that we may experience the world... and that each of us had nothing to do with it.
5
If you have a secure roof over your head and enough food to eat everything else is a "First World Problem" and for this you should be grateful. One of the ways to show your gratitude is to actively contribute to the "happy quotient" in your community. This doesn't require any thing more than being civil and respectful to all you meet doing your shopping, driving down the road, seeing a stranger in need and stopping to help. The benefit to your community and yourself can be immediately recognized.
6
The 'gratitude movement' seems like just another way of saying, "Ac-CEN-TUate the positive, and E-O-liminate the negative", and, "direct Yo feet, to the sunny side of the street".
Being grateful for things that improve, or could be worse, is not an invitation to close one's eye's to how much better things could be, or who is benefitting from how things are.
I think the idea is that gratitude, like forgiveness, is a gift you give to yourself.
Harboring negative feelings and anger requires energy. So there has to be a pay off to maintain that posture. Survival or safety, is a good reason. But how often is that the case?
Being grateful is just a way of not stressing a circumstance at hand, and marshaling your mental, physical and emotional resources towards objectives you make a conscious choice to pursue. Rather than being a victim of your own emotions.
Remaining bitter or frustrated over immediate circumstances, is part of a thought process, until you realize what you need to do in order to change the circumstances you're having a problem with.
Grieving is normal. Anger is normal. All emotions are normal. But getting stuck in the past, to the point that it prevents you from living your life is a trap. Gratitude can be a ladder that can help you climb out of the hole.
Nothing new under the sun, but glad some people have figured out how to make a buck off of it.
Being grateful for things that improve, or could be worse, is not an invitation to close one's eye's to how much better things could be, or who is benefitting from how things are.
I think the idea is that gratitude, like forgiveness, is a gift you give to yourself.
Harboring negative feelings and anger requires energy. So there has to be a pay off to maintain that posture. Survival or safety, is a good reason. But how often is that the case?
Being grateful is just a way of not stressing a circumstance at hand, and marshaling your mental, physical and emotional resources towards objectives you make a conscious choice to pursue. Rather than being a victim of your own emotions.
Remaining bitter or frustrated over immediate circumstances, is part of a thought process, until you realize what you need to do in order to change the circumstances you're having a problem with.
Grieving is normal. Anger is normal. All emotions are normal. But getting stuck in the past, to the point that it prevents you from living your life is a trap. Gratitude can be a ladder that can help you climb out of the hole.
Nothing new under the sun, but glad some people have figured out how to make a buck off of it.
3
The Zen Buddhist Meal Chant comes to mind:
Innumerable labors brought us this food;
We should know how it comes to us.
Receiving this offering, we should consider
Whether our virtue and practice deserve it.
Desiring the natural order of mind,
We should be free from greed, hate, and delusion.
We eat to support life and to practice the way of Buddha.
This food is for the Three Treasures,
for our teachers, family and all people,
and for all beings in the six worlds.
The first portion is to avoid all evil
The second is to do all good
The third is to save all beings
Thus we eat this food and awaken with everyone.
Innumerable labors brought us this food;
We should know how it comes to us.
Receiving this offering, we should consider
Whether our virtue and practice deserve it.
Desiring the natural order of mind,
We should be free from greed, hate, and delusion.
We eat to support life and to practice the way of Buddha.
This food is for the Three Treasures,
for our teachers, family and all people,
and for all beings in the six worlds.
The first portion is to avoid all evil
The second is to do all good
The third is to save all beings
Thus we eat this food and awaken with everyone.
4
Gratitude has always been the bedrock of recovery. Bill W. and Dr. Bob built and framed A.A. around it. For me it was a doorway to recovery. Through that door I found a spiritual connection to something bigger than myself and rediscovered myself anew. I find it sad, even pathetic, that the New York Times could write about gratitude and not mention AA.
4
I hear you loud and clear.
2
Remember -the AA tradition about "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities". I think the guest writer for the "New York Times", let alone the"New York Times" need not mention AA in writing about gratitude. Moreover, a judgement of words such as "pathetic" serves no purpose.
4
well, because it's not about you. Every NYT story can't encompass the experiences of everyone's life. Unless you're in AA (which most people are not) it's not central to most people's lives.
Just like a story about oh, I don't know, dieting, is not going to include every single person's experience about what works and what doesn't.
Just like a story about oh, I don't know, dieting, is not going to include every single person's experience about what works and what doesn't.
1
In the era of social media and Facebook, gratitude often comes off as self laudatory at best.
As we explore the issue of gratitude, better to look within for a confidential chat.
As we explore the issue of gratitude, better to look within for a confidential chat.
3
Great column. I resolve to make gratitude a verb, showing thanks through action.
5
What would Mr. Dickens Tiny Tim say to this negative insinuation
at this time of the year?
God bless us each and everyone regardles of our net worth
at this time of the year?
God bless us each and everyone regardles of our net worth
31
Life is filled with randomness. Realizing that, one learns gratitude for what is good and gratitude that what is bad is not worse. Happiness follows.
5
The loop has to start somewhere: I am grateful because I have my basic needs fulfilled then I give seem the logical way to go, my two cents, keep doing yoga until one day you feel the need to give...
I have just read Ehrenreich's erudite indictment of 'gratitude', a construct that is quite central in my Christian faith. I do not take offense, rather finding important challenge in her charge. In my experience, it is human, even universal, proclivity, i.e. severing form from substance, leaving a gnawing hollowness. T.S. Elliot put it, 'Women walking to and fro, speaking of Michaelangelo, with patient lying etherized upon the table'. (The words recalled are not accurate, writing now some 50 years beyond that frosh English class.) In the Christian faith, we are chastened to steer clear of the great disconnect: 'faith without works is folly'. I think that this comes close to Ehrenreich's use of 'solidarity'.
I will continue to 'practice gratitude', knowing that it can lead to solipsistic glitter, or unseemly narcissism. However, for me gratitude is double sided coin: essentially it is receptive but, if genuine, is by its nature, expressive. It does not isolate me from my world. Rather, it opens me to it. In the very receiving, is the giving.
Doug Matthews
Brea, California
I will continue to 'practice gratitude', knowing that it can lead to solipsistic glitter, or unseemly narcissism. However, for me gratitude is double sided coin: essentially it is receptive but, if genuine, is by its nature, expressive. It does not isolate me from my world. Rather, it opens me to it. In the very receiving, is the giving.
Doug Matthews
Brea, California
2
I was a little taken aback at the idea of being grateful so you could feel better. I thought the idea of gratitude was to think less of yourself and more of others..as in the people you are grateful to, or for.
If you're really looking for an emotional boost I have a secret: do something kind for someone not as well off or better, somebody hurting. There is something rewarding in getting outside yourself and your concerns by showing friendship, kindness, and service. I've watched people who give a lot on a regular basis and they alays seem to be a little happier and more fun to be around than the self-absorbed.
If you're really looking for an emotional boost I have a secret: do something kind for someone not as well off or better, somebody hurting. There is something rewarding in getting outside yourself and your concerns by showing friendship, kindness, and service. I've watched people who give a lot on a regular basis and they alays seem to be a little happier and more fun to be around than the self-absorbed.
15
When one is depressed it helps to think of things one is grateful for. That doesn't have to include an underpaying job and billionaires who buy OUR governments and are so insatiably greedy that they refuse to pay taxes to support the country that allowed them to be wealthy. I agree with Socrates.
2
Beautiful essay, but personally I have to disagree with the author's assertion that "Saying grace to an abstract God is an evasion". Our evening meal ritual taught us to say "thank you", and we were also encouraged to add a personal comment, even if it was only "I didn't get shunned by the other girls" or "my shoes stayed tied today".
1
A very good article by Ms. Ehrenreich. Reactionary regimes like to use attitude-change as a way of avoiding the issue of social change. It must be significant that gratitude is a major theme in the propaganda of North Korea (gratitude toward toward three generations of the Kim Dynasty) and the feel-good gurus of neo-liberalism.
19
Yes, if we're all so grateful, we should be giving back. That's what's missing. Good thing to think about. And,um, act on.
35
Wow, it's really not a secret that quite a bit of neuroscience research out there has suggested (strongly) that gratitude practices of all kinds actually change the brain in a way that changes the neural circuitry of the brain, reducing stress, self-absorption and enhancing overall wellbeing. I really think this author needs to take a chill pill. Her opinion is her opinion, but the logic of this piece does little to conceal some personal bone to pick here. To assume that any of us knows for certain the intentions behind anyone's generosity seems like the peak of arrogance and self-importance.
28
Yours is one of the few commentaries about the gratitude research pointing to changes in our bodies creating changes in our wellbeing. In my opinion, too many people here are associating gratitude with a 'to do', when the experience of gratitude creates a positive resolution in and of itself. I suspect that not enough of this research has become publicized for mass awareness, so its benefits go unacknowledged. It's unfortunate that the notion of gratitude has become an opportunity for others to judge its purpose. Doing more for others is always a good idea. But it limits the bigger opportunity that gratitude presents.
1
Thank you for writing this article. Gratitude, like love, is an action word. Both require an outward show of appreciation and caring. You can tell someone that you love them, or say how grateful you are, but it's your actions that make it real.
5
This conflates the ideas of thanking someone else and giving thanks in the abstract: the recognition of ones own good fortune. The latter helps us to appreciate and to be content with our current state: this is calming and healthy; the former is the drive to reciprocate, to pay back: this is a virtue.
Both elevate the other.
Both elevate the other.
8
The cult of gratitude echoes the "Our prayers go out to (fill in the blank for the latest shooting, war-generated killing, or natural disaster).
As someone once pointed out: praying for others is in fact, the least you can do. And, contorting your emotions into a perpetual state of gratitude does wonders for reducing the urge to encourage change.
Gratitude is easy when you have enough. Being thankful in your morning yoga only helps you, not anyone else, the same as prayers.
As someone once pointed out: praying for others is in fact, the least you can do. And, contorting your emotions into a perpetual state of gratitude does wonders for reducing the urge to encourage change.
Gratitude is easy when you have enough. Being thankful in your morning yoga only helps you, not anyone else, the same as prayers.
18
Very startled to learn who funds the "gratitude" researchers -- conservatives who think we should all put our foreheads in the dust for the pittances they deign to allot. Ehrenreich is spot-on, as usual. Grateful that she enlightened me.
79
I'm sorry I never got in touch with my piano teacher (from ages 11 to 16) to tell her how important music has been in my life. When I appreciated how grateful I was, she was no longer living. Say thank you while you can, before it is too late.
34
I am grateful for you Barbara - your work, your honesty, and your clear poignant writing. Thanks again.
8
Thank you, Barbara Ehrenreich for that very welcome and necessary essay about this numbing "grateful" fad. Yes, it's all about feeling good yourself, not making other people happy and appreciated. The height of hilarity is the daily "grateful diary". Don't just get your butt off the Yoga mat, give your brain something to do. Be grateful if it works well enough to expose this passive, self-congratulatory gratefulness-mania as what it is: a tool to fend off unhappiness - instead of looking at it!
14
For the past 4 years, I've been keeping a daily gratitude diary with often more than ten things that I am grateful for. By no means is it "passive," "self-congratulatory," "a tool to fend off unhappiness instead of looking at it." Instead, it has opened my eyes to how incredibly faceted and wonderful my life is, even the hard parts that I work my way through in ways that certainly are neither passive nor self-congratulatory. I used to skate through my life paying little or no attention to all the little things that happened during the day. My gratitude diary teaches me to pay far more attention, and in this way more truly honor the fantastic gift that my life is, in all its ups and downs. I've become grateful for and IN my life, even the hard moments and difficult experiences, because through my gratitude journal I have learned to view them and deal with them in a wholly different way than before. Writing in my gratitude diary has expanded my experience of the glorious depth and nuances in my own life, made me far more aware and - yes - appreciative of it. I think it's utterly foolish to have a negative opinion of writing in a gratitude diary if you haven't yourself tried it or given it a chance.
45
"So it’s possible to achieve the recommended levels of gratitude without spending a penny or uttering a word." I think it is far better to spend some money and utter some words.
For the past 4 years I have been giving away Easy buttons from Staples to people I know, and also to some people I have just met. So far I have given out over 140 buttons at a cost of about $7 each. The button says. that was easy, when you press it. With practice, I found that it gets easier and easier to give people gifts, and thank you cards...
Thank you so much for the inspiring wisdom and Happy new year
======================================
For the past 4 years I have been giving away Easy buttons from Staples to people I know, and also to some people I have just met. So far I have given out over 140 buttons at a cost of about $7 each. The button says. that was easy, when you press it. With practice, I found that it gets easier and easier to give people gifts, and thank you cards...
Thank you so much for the inspiring wisdom and Happy new year
======================================
4
Thank you for these good reminders, Ms. Ehrenreich. I've been keeping a gratitude journal for 15 years, since I first heard Oprah talk about it. Every night I write down 5 things I'm grateful for, and doing it has made a difference in my life. Thank you Ms. Winfrey. But there is a ripple-out from gratitude that increasingly feels more important to me - becoming a recipient of gratitude by giving to others in such deep and profound ways that our pockets and bank accounts really noticed the difference, since many of those doing gratitude work seem to be blessed already, as am I. Thank you Goddess.
1
This "gratitude" notion seems vague and subjective, a handy mantra, but for what?
What's the goal? To feel better?
The real goal is to think better, then appropriate feelings will follow.
What's the goal? To feel better?
The real goal is to think better, then appropriate feelings will follow.
6
And I'm grateful to Brabara Ehrenreich, for her book ":Fear of Falling." I recommend it highly!
3
Thoughts:
“Tzedakah” is the Hebrew word for the acts that in English are called “charity”, i.e., giving aid, assistance and money to the poor and needy or to other worthy causes.
The nature of tzedakah is quite different from the idea of charity. The word “charity” suggests benevolence and generosity, a magnanimous act by the wealthier and more powerful for the benefit of the poor and needy.
The word tzedakah is derived from Hebrew roots meaning righteousness, justice or fairness. Giving to the poor is not viewed as a generous, magnanimous act. Tzedakah is simply an act of justice and righteousness, the performance of a duty, giving the poor their due.
No gratitude needed, or expected...
“Tzedakah” is the Hebrew word for the acts that in English are called “charity”, i.e., giving aid, assistance and money to the poor and needy or to other worthy causes.
The nature of tzedakah is quite different from the idea of charity. The word “charity” suggests benevolence and generosity, a magnanimous act by the wealthier and more powerful for the benefit of the poor and needy.
The word tzedakah is derived from Hebrew roots meaning righteousness, justice or fairness. Giving to the poor is not viewed as a generous, magnanimous act. Tzedakah is simply an act of justice and righteousness, the performance of a duty, giving the poor their due.
No gratitude needed, or expected...
36
There is a coercive element among some gratitude practitioners, similar to that of some Christian Scientists. If you do not participate by keeping a gratitude journal and sending daily thank-you email, they may shake their heads knowingly and imply that you are bringing misfortune to yourself.
9
It seems that what this article is saying is that it isn't enough to be merely grateful, that what is also required is to take some sort of action based on that gratitude to help improve the lives of others in some way.
18
Exactly, and if a majority of us did this, think of the world we could live in.
4
Did you ever walk away from someone who seems totally negative?
It's like you want to scream - "Can't you just be grateful?" About something - one little eensy teensy bitsy thing?
I disagree with having to declare gratitude. I believe it is a way of being, a way of just being grateful.
Perhaps my lack of tolerance for people who are ungrateful (and thus in my mind, negative) comes from many years of nursing. I've seen it all - really I have - many nursing jobs through decades.
When I have walked out the hospital doors at the end of the day, to go home, it is the grateful I have met that leave me with hope. An example of this is a young man, with terminal cancer. He was in isolation because of the treatment he was getting. Yet, his small toddler kids were allowed to visit - they were sitting and even frolicking on his bed when I made my case manager visit. He was dying. Yet, when I came back later in the day, when the kids had gone home and I asked him about the day - he said it was one of the best he had ever had, ever. Get it?
My life was full of these examples - and I say to all you nurses out there - be grateful - these are the type of days that count. Love your career - I don't know where a person can get any closer to real gratitude - we see it and we live it. And we are a grateful lot. Happy New Year.
It's like you want to scream - "Can't you just be grateful?" About something - one little eensy teensy bitsy thing?
I disagree with having to declare gratitude. I believe it is a way of being, a way of just being grateful.
Perhaps my lack of tolerance for people who are ungrateful (and thus in my mind, negative) comes from many years of nursing. I've seen it all - really I have - many nursing jobs through decades.
When I have walked out the hospital doors at the end of the day, to go home, it is the grateful I have met that leave me with hope. An example of this is a young man, with terminal cancer. He was in isolation because of the treatment he was getting. Yet, his small toddler kids were allowed to visit - they were sitting and even frolicking on his bed when I made my case manager visit. He was dying. Yet, when I came back later in the day, when the kids had gone home and I asked him about the day - he said it was one of the best he had ever had, ever. Get it?
My life was full of these examples - and I say to all you nurses out there - be grateful - these are the type of days that count. Love your career - I don't know where a person can get any closer to real gratitude - we see it and we live it. And we are a grateful lot. Happy New Year.
244
That was beautiful!
1
Thank you.
1
Cool, be negative on people you perceive as negative, judge the judgmental for being judgmental and hold up the little kid with cancer who has no other way to go but down as an invalidating example to all of us ingrates who live in the real world and are honest regarding our experience of it.
The Happy Face Syndrome, the idea that if you are not happy something is wrong with you. It is a major American cultural problem. We are immersed in situations that one can only be unhappy about. This ignorant ill informed attitude is a large part of what is taking this country down. The room is so full of elephants being denied the chance we will pull off some kind of hat trick are disappearing fast.
The Happy Face Syndrome, the idea that if you are not happy something is wrong with you. It is a major American cultural problem. We are immersed in situations that one can only be unhappy about. This ignorant ill informed attitude is a large part of what is taking this country down. The room is so full of elephants being denied the chance we will pull off some kind of hat trick are disappearing fast.
1
Just because gratitude has been assimilated regrettably into the materialistic and secular self-help culture does not mean it must be dismissed as frivolous. Nor should gratitude be deemed only serious when expressed within a cynical, activist mindset focused solely on economic injustice. There is much more to gratitude than either selfishness or atonement for privilege. Both viewpoints are reductive.
176
Very much my thoughts, Matthew L. I feel gratitude for my parents, for the safety we enjoy in the U.S., for my work, and so on. I didn't even know it was a fad. I also share with people I know who have less. It is possible this is being over thought, but I am sure there is a some shallowness going on. Anyway, I am grateful for the essay and for the comments. I take it I will be happy tomorrow. Great! Happy New Year!
1
Thank you!
Ehrenreich emphasizes gratitude as something we owe or express to others for doing things, and I agree that thanking (out loud) those who have helped us or touched us is an excellent idea. But for me the utility of 'gratitude' as a reflective practice is as an acknowledgement of the things I've been treated to by virtue of privilege, history and luck - things like good health, a great education, freedom from violence, access to high quality food. These are things that I am profoundly grateful for; I can and should also fight for these same to be available to everyone.
173
Remember this when things go wrong.
And statistically, overwhelming, they will.
About half of gratitude behavior is "look how great I've got it."
If you can do it, it is bragging.
Happy fighting.
And statistically, overwhelming, they will.
About half of gratitude behavior is "look how great I've got it."
If you can do it, it is bragging.
Happy fighting.
I agree with a lot of this article: politically, gratitude can be a placating force, allowing one to neither act for others or for oneself.
But it's been shown in studies that generating gratitude and other "positive" attitudes like compassion can lead to changes in the brain that reduce depression and increase happiness and even the willingness to jump up and help others in need. It can decrease feelings of powerlessness and isolation.
I would say that many of those we admire for their great work for society have been both grateful and essentially positive.
How about a new word: Gractitude. The attitude of gratitude combined with the willingness to act.
But it's been shown in studies that generating gratitude and other "positive" attitudes like compassion can lead to changes in the brain that reduce depression and increase happiness and even the willingness to jump up and help others in need. It can decrease feelings of powerlessness and isolation.
I would say that many of those we admire for their great work for society have been both grateful and essentially positive.
How about a new word: Gractitude. The attitude of gratitude combined with the willingness to act.
89
Laura: Can that new force be somehow tied into tantric yoga?
It's also been shown that actually, physically helping someone improves well-being. Which does more for the world, though?
What a beautifully cogent way to frame the onset of another year. Not only is this contemporary wave of self-improvement grating in its overuse of #gratitude and #authenticity, but as expressed so wonderfully in this column, it's just a ruse to justify embracing your inner narcissist at the expense of your broader community. Actual gratitude used to be accompanied by the desire to give back and share the wealth, so to speak. Today's all-to-common false gratitude seems to confuse sharing the wealth with allowing others to bask in the reflected glory of your own good feelings about you. It's not enlightened, just selfish and dreadful. We live in a time of such horrible inequity and struggle, with, yes, much to be grateful for, but also much to rectify and improve. If we can't find meaning in connecting with the lives of others unless we can make it all about ourselves, we're truly lost.
246
Exactly. Posting your "gratitude list" or announcing how you are embracing gratitude on Facebook accomplishes nothing except patting yourself on the back.
4
There's no question that gratitude is a critical part of a healthy psychological diet, but it should be carefully supplemented with social stimulants and the full rainbow of positive and negative human emotions, including disappointment, anger and outrage.
If you just wander around grateful and happy all day, you will indeed wind up as a 'chump', a minimum wage worker or a modern feudal serf.
The 'free-market capitalism' John Templeton Foundation multi-million dollar gratitude campaign is a right-wing, Orwellian practical joke, and I'm very grateful to Barbara Ehrenreich for exposing this fraud.
Organized religion itself was the first gratitude scheme foisted upon the poor by the rich, and as Napoleon Bonaparte wisely said, "religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."
So really, enough with being 'thankful' and 'grateful' for being economically pillaged and plundered by the rapacious 0.1% overlords who pretend with a psychopathic American smile that the 350:1 CEO:worker pay ratio is 'normal'.
It's not normal; it's criminal and sociopathic.
Instead of trying to improve the attitudes of poor people, who from my experience are already inherently grateful, the John Templeton Foundation should have directed its grants to studying the minds and hearts of billionaires who have helped to recreate feudalism in the modern age through executive wage theft and 'droit du seigneur' taxation, legal and political rights.
What we need is more outrage, not gratitude.
If you just wander around grateful and happy all day, you will indeed wind up as a 'chump', a minimum wage worker or a modern feudal serf.
The 'free-market capitalism' John Templeton Foundation multi-million dollar gratitude campaign is a right-wing, Orwellian practical joke, and I'm very grateful to Barbara Ehrenreich for exposing this fraud.
Organized religion itself was the first gratitude scheme foisted upon the poor by the rich, and as Napoleon Bonaparte wisely said, "religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."
So really, enough with being 'thankful' and 'grateful' for being economically pillaged and plundered by the rapacious 0.1% overlords who pretend with a psychopathic American smile that the 350:1 CEO:worker pay ratio is 'normal'.
It's not normal; it's criminal and sociopathic.
Instead of trying to improve the attitudes of poor people, who from my experience are already inherently grateful, the John Templeton Foundation should have directed its grants to studying the minds and hearts of billionaires who have helped to recreate feudalism in the modern age through executive wage theft and 'droit du seigneur' taxation, legal and political rights.
What we need is more outrage, not gratitude.
304
Socrates - stick'in it to the man since 380 BC!
25
Yes, I agree Socrates. OUTRAGE and Grassroots Synergistic ACTION.
8
The average worker is barely as valuable as a robot. Frankly, 50% of Anerican workers could drop dead tomorrow and the world would go on, likely more efficiently. Now tell me again why a worker is worth more than 1/350th of a CEO?
Another way of approaching this self help philosophy would be to maintain the importance of humility in ones life. One must humble oneself in order to feel grateful to others and thankful for life's potential. Whether you were born advantaged or you fought like a dog for all you've got, you should still feel humbled by the sacrifices made by those who came before and humbly acknowledge that we will leave failures as well as successes to those who follow. I was born a white, male, middle class American in the 1950's. For me to complain about anything would be an affront to the many riches afforded me as a birthright. The fact that this same privileged group has become the angry old white men who make up the aggrieved Republican base doesn't show a lack of gratitude. It shows a lack of humility.
100
If I could recommend your post more than once, I would. Very well stated.
3
At the risk of playing right into the authors narrative....isn't this a case of "and" rather than "or"? To the extent one only shows gratitude to another who enriched them, than sure that is a bit self focused and shallow. But, to the extent one also is genuinely appreciative for a sunny day, their health, others good fortune, and peace isn't that a good thing. Ms Ehrenreich is more than a talented writer, she is a critical and indispensable voice for the plight of the disadvantaged and disempowered. At the same time, when one shows gratitude for things in their life and others, it can only benefit all of us. Oh darn, just did it, didn't I....
5
Thank you Barbara Ehrenreich, I am grateful for your amazing and perceptive work which has sharpened my mind and my insight for so long. I took the happiness course offered from UC Berkeley and while benefitting from learning about the science of our psychology, it seemed that privilege was inherent in what we were learning. I am grateful to learn of the funding sources from you which makes my evaluation of this organization more realistic. But gratitude has been good to me. Fortunately, my innate, lifelong sense of gratitude has been a wonderful part of my life which enhances my life quality every day. It's not directed towards corporations (who, although now being people, do not seem grateful at all) or the privileged, but towards ordinary people, those who try to do a good job, who sustain their family and friends, who try to keep social balance and justice in our society. I'm also constantly grateful to our amazing planet which so graciously sustains us as best she can.
6
How about "give with a grateful heart?"
8
For us agnostics, "gratitude" presents a difficulty: certainly we can be grateful to family and friends who helped us, but what is the appropriate emotional response to not developing pancreatic cancer or not dying in an airplane crash? There's not much meaning or significance in being thankful for good fortune. But I am oddly comforted that so far in life and in so many way the odds have been in my favor--while recognizing that there's no logical basis to expect this lucky streak to continue.
10
You can feel positive about your good fortune and therefore not negative or at least less negative about your perceived bad fortune. You can feel humble. I don't see that any belief in a god precludes any of this
5
You can feel positive about your good fortune and therefore not negative or at least less negative about perceived bad fortune. It can help you put that in perspective and have an appropriate level of context. You can feel humble. I don't see that a belief in a god is required for any of this.
3
@SPQR "There's not much meaning or significance in being thankful for good fortune."
You show you know better in your next sentence: "But I am oddly comforted that so far in life and in so many way the odds have been in my favor--while recognizing that there's no logical basis to expect this lucky streak to continue."
The commenter who knocks it out of the park in this regard is Lisa Evers. That post is a keeper.
Sheer dumb luck -- I am just gobsmacked when I think of the times in my life when things could have taken a devastatingly bad turn but did not. It's impossible for me not to feel grateful about that. And yes, you are right: luck can run out. I hope I will still feel grateful when it does, for my long run of good luck.
You show you know better in your next sentence: "But I am oddly comforted that so far in life and in so many way the odds have been in my favor--while recognizing that there's no logical basis to expect this lucky streak to continue."
The commenter who knocks it out of the park in this regard is Lisa Evers. That post is a keeper.
Sheer dumb luck -- I am just gobsmacked when I think of the times in my life when things could have taken a devastatingly bad turn but did not. It's impossible for me not to feel grateful about that. And yes, you are right: luck can run out. I hope I will still feel grateful when it does, for my long run of good luck.
5
Love you, Barbara.
9
Feeling grateful for what you have, and not craving more, whether it’s a new flat-screen TV or a trip to Disneyland, is contrary to our consumer-based society. In America, we are taught that you cannot possibly be happy unless you buy more things, like that brand new iPhone 6. “Want everything---need nothing” would cause our capitalist society to collapse. The secret is that being grateful for what you have, rather than striving for more stuff in your life (most of it made in China) will make you more content. (Madison Avenue does not want you to know this.) Contentment is the goal. Happiness is short-lived, and is dependent on outside circumstances, like winning the lottery. We all know that lottery winners revert to their previous level of contentment or happiness after a few months.
11
Thank you Barbara. Not surprising this piece was written by the author of "Nickeld and Dimed".
22
"The real challenge of gratitude lies in figuring out how to express our debt to them, whether through generous tips or, say, by supporting their demands for decent pay and better working conditions. But now we’re not talking about gratitude, we’re talking about a far more muscular impulse — and this is, to use the old-fashioned term, “solidarity” — which may involve getting up off the yoga mat."
Barbara Ehrenreich is making an important point here. Positive psychology rarely addresses issues of social and economic inequality and there is a need for more connection to be made between "feeling good" and how to "doing good".
Barbara Ehrenreich is making an important point here. Positive psychology rarely addresses issues of social and economic inequality and there is a need for more connection to be made between "feeling good" and how to "doing good".
49
Thanks, Barbara Ehrenreich, as always, for the grown-up counterbalance to the cheerful, kindergarten axioms of our American psyche.
105
Yes, none of us would want to be cheerful, would we?
2
Well said. Plus the preciousness of a lot of the new buzzwords (not just gratitude but mindfulness, etc.) just makes me want to puke.
18
The gratitude project funded by Templeton Foundation seems to be another in the positive thinking pushed on us as salaries stagnate, jobs disappear, pensions teeter or vanish. We're supposed to be grateful, smiling serfs or, if higher up in class, grateful we haven't fallen further while the .1% shake out any additional profits to be found.
I'm always grateful for Barbara Ehrenreich, dropping needed truth bombs. Passive, grateful & with positive mantras while being robbed blind, we slouch along in oblivion. Thank you Barbara and please keep pulling back the curtain on the greedy little men (usually men) trying to program the masses.
I'm always grateful for Barbara Ehrenreich, dropping needed truth bombs. Passive, grateful & with positive mantras while being robbed blind, we slouch along in oblivion. Thank you Barbara and please keep pulling back the curtain on the greedy little men (usually men) trying to program the masses.
164
I like your idea of expressing gratitude to all the low-paid workers who contribute to putting food on our tables. And, yes, solidarity is even better. It's taken me a lifetime to learn this but I try to make up for it by personally thanking the maid who cleans my hotel room (plus a tip) and the guy with the mop keeping the mall floor clean. And I mean it when I say. Completely.
55
Thank you Barbara Ehrenreich!
16
Well done Barbara. The desired balance of solidarity and gratitude you write about can be found in ample supply in an amazing song by Lucinda Williams - Blessed. Check it out. It even works for secular humanists.
2
Thank you for writing this acute column. I'm not grateful to you personally; after all, its your nature and your occupation to write and to be an activist. You're not really doing it for me. Still, I'm somehow grateful. There is some use for every different configuration of gratitude. It's an attitude, a feeling and a thought, mixed together in a mess, but still distinct from fairness, justice, goodness, pleasure, or virtue.
4
I don't feel grateful to any particular person or body...but feel ...well, maybe 'lucky' is a better word, and in a general sense. When I consider how and where I grew up (not the type of upbringing I necessarily would have chosen for myself...and knowing how many in my hometown remain sheltered, close-minded, and ended up 'losers'), well, I feel lucky in that I really grew as a person. In addition (and again considering my upbringing and that I never went to college) I feel very 'blessed' that I have a well-paying, steady job and now, a somewhat 'impressive' resume that will help to better 'ensure' continued employment, and at a certain salary level. At 52, I am also in a pretty good place financially for retirement. I've no debt. A great family. Overall good health. Great friends. An overall good disposition and outlook on life. So net, net, I think I'll be good no matter what else life may throw at me. ;-) And whenever I experience some type of illness or injury, I don't have to look far to see others who have it far, far more worse than I do. So yeah... I am very grateful.
10
A fine article.
The opposite of gratitude, I think, is not resentment but entitlement: "It is right and proper and natural that I have an income of $400,000 year -- eat at fine restaurants -- live in a large house. . . I deserve these things. Anything less would be a deprivation. I will do whatever I must to protect these rights -- for instance, by fighting against higher taxes. ."
Speaking for myself only, only: I am grateful for a warm, dry bed to sleep in every night -- plentiful, tasty food -- clean water at a touch, even hot water -- my local public library. . ." I am grateful -- to whom? to the gods? No, to the many people who made my life possible. I am glad to have these things, but I try not to take them for granted. I consider it my duty -- which I fail at, unfortunately -- to take action to spread these goods to everyone. If that means political struggle, then so be it.
The opposite of gratitude, I think, is not resentment but entitlement: "It is right and proper and natural that I have an income of $400,000 year -- eat at fine restaurants -- live in a large house. . . I deserve these things. Anything less would be a deprivation. I will do whatever I must to protect these rights -- for instance, by fighting against higher taxes. ."
Speaking for myself only, only: I am grateful for a warm, dry bed to sleep in every night -- plentiful, tasty food -- clean water at a touch, even hot water -- my local public library. . ." I am grateful -- to whom? to the gods? No, to the many people who made my life possible. I am glad to have these things, but I try not to take them for granted. I consider it my duty -- which I fail at, unfortunately -- to take action to spread these goods to everyone. If that means political struggle, then so be it.
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Marvelous insight: the opposite of gratitude is entitlement. Sums it up as clearly as anyone could wish for.
6
The opposite of gratitude? Mindless conformity...
In my experience, the deepest gratitude most often arrives unbidden, a spontaneous condition arising from some unselfish but personally meaningful act or realization. It seems that gratitude follows on the heels of awe; in the classic sense, awe is the attitude of a mind subdued to profound reverence in the presence of supreme authority, moral greatness or sublimity, or mysterious sacredness (OED, 1971).
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Right on...no matter how few noticed.
Nice article, thank you. I never came across any poor people at Oprah Winfrey's program promoting POSITIVE THINKING or ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE. Positive thinking helps rich people to feel good about themselves who lack are either depressed or unhappy.
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One trouble with folks who are grateful
is often they're really quite hateful
turning ire inside out while they "gratitude" spout
then eat dinners of rage by the plateful.
is often they're really quite hateful
turning ire inside out while they "gratitude" spout
then eat dinners of rage by the plateful.
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Nicely said!
I am very grateful for this article.
10
I am grateful every day when I wake up. I am grateful for the sun and the beautiful view of Mt. Rainier from my window. I am grateful for the rain that keeps the beautiful forests of Washington State green. I am grateful that I can read. I am grateful that I was lucky enough to be born in the United States of America, white and educated. I am grateful that my children and grandchildren are healthy and whole and that my son-in-law came back from serving in Iraq and Afghanistan without physical harm (any sane, reasonable human being that kills another must suffer the mental consequences because it's not natural to kill one another). I am grateful for my hot shower every day and my big, comfy bed. I am grateful for friends and family and hope I have enriched their lives as much as they have enriched mine. I am grateful that I was able to support my family well and can travel a little now. There is much to be grateful for but there is no reason to be grateful when one is on the bottom rung of the economic and social ladders in the wealthiest country on earth - and in history.
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Oh but there is! Poor people can be grateful for many of the very same things you are! And there is usually someone who is much poorer or has had tragedy or poor health in their life.
Gratitude is not about economic and social ladders - it's about what we all share every single day. We live in a free country - it's also a beautiful one. We DO have opportunity! Of course one enjoys ones comforts and is grateful to have them, but true gratitude is for far more than material things or social status.
One of my favorite suffrages in the Book of Common Prayer states "Let not the needy, O Lord, be forgotten, nor the hope of the poor be taken away." I sometimes think that in our zeal to help and sympathize with the poor, we do exactly that - take away their hope.
Gratitude and thanksgiving must also include humility. My favorite prayer is the Prayer of Humble Access.
"We do not presume to come to this thy Table, O merciful Lord, trusting in our own righteousness, but in thy manifold and great mercies. We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under thy Table. But thou art the same Lord, whose property is always to have mercy: Grant us therefore, gracious Lord, so to eat the flesh of thy dear Son Jesus Christ, and to drink his blood, that our sinful bodies may be made clean by his body, and our souls washed through his most precious blood, and that we may evermore dwell in him, and he in us. Amen.
Humility and gratefulness go hand in hand.
Gratitude is not about economic and social ladders - it's about what we all share every single day. We live in a free country - it's also a beautiful one. We DO have opportunity! Of course one enjoys ones comforts and is grateful to have them, but true gratitude is for far more than material things or social status.
One of my favorite suffrages in the Book of Common Prayer states "Let not the needy, O Lord, be forgotten, nor the hope of the poor be taken away." I sometimes think that in our zeal to help and sympathize with the poor, we do exactly that - take away their hope.
Gratitude and thanksgiving must also include humility. My favorite prayer is the Prayer of Humble Access.
"We do not presume to come to this thy Table, O merciful Lord, trusting in our own righteousness, but in thy manifold and great mercies. We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under thy Table. But thou art the same Lord, whose property is always to have mercy: Grant us therefore, gracious Lord, so to eat the flesh of thy dear Son Jesus Christ, and to drink his blood, that our sinful bodies may be made clean by his body, and our souls washed through his most precious blood, and that we may evermore dwell in him, and he in us. Amen.
Humility and gratefulness go hand in hand.
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