I don't know if this man's experience made him such a beautiful soul or if that was who he was, despite it. Cheever once looked into the world of the doorman, during the late 1940s when they were far more a part of everyday life. That world was, of course, more bittersweet than this one. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1949/12/24/christmas-is-a-sad-season-f...
25
this is a sweet story especially the "cold war" attitude of the doorman speaks volumes
17
As Frank Bruni stated in his column last week, we make our own families!
13
As a resident of the building in this story I can tell you that Guzim IS unique as a doorman and that he is the most positive, friendly, helpful person one could ever imagine as a doorman...
216
How lucky this young woman was to have such an honorable man watching out for her. In today's world honorable men are a rarity. Thank God they still exist despite all the hardships life imposes on us.
26
Wow so many comments from haters! Well, haters of this story, here's my take on YOU. Occasionally as I read one of those Social Q's columns in the NY Times, as I did just now, I think "whoa, these NY Times readers (and I am one of them) have way too much time and money on their hands. These are not problems". And now I have only one other thing to add: "you have too much snark in your heart". That you can find fault with a story on human connection is pathetic. My advice: get up off your couches in your smug little apartments, get outside the city and breathe. Then go back and bring joy to someone.
41
Simply beautiful.
I've never lived in a building with a doorman, but when I was in grad school, usually working late at night, the woman who cleaned the top floors of our building became a sort of surrogate aunt. She knew when I started dating my boyfriend, she was there when I got the call that my dad had a heart attack. She knew when my boyfriend and I had a fight, or when I had a bad grade or an experiment would go well. And she was the first person who knew when I got engaged. I heard stories about her family, though she was quiet. She tended to ask more questions than she answered.
People enter our lives in ways we don't expect. I'm sure Guzim affected many of the people he's known.
I've never lived in a building with a doorman, but when I was in grad school, usually working late at night, the woman who cleaned the top floors of our building became a sort of surrogate aunt. She knew when I started dating my boyfriend, she was there when I got the call that my dad had a heart attack. She knew when my boyfriend and I had a fight, or when I had a bad grade or an experiment would go well. And she was the first person who knew when I got engaged. I heard stories about her family, though she was quiet. She tended to ask more questions than she answered.
People enter our lives in ways we don't expect. I'm sure Guzim affected many of the people he's known.
49
Wow, I never gave it much thought before but I feel really sorry for doormen. They have to serve as confidant, BFF, and therapist to a bunch of self-involved rich people who, secure in their self-involvement, really believe that a guy standing on his feet most of the day opening doors for them, wants to hear their narcissistic yapping. I would kill myself.
7
You might be right, but that doesn't sound like this story. It read to me like Guzim wanted to know more about the author's life, and it seems that she, in turn, knew a good deal about his.
46
WHEN LOVE COMES ALONG What a beautiful story! Full of life and love. We should all be so lucky to have a friend like Guzim!
25
This story also illustrates an old Chinese saying that the far-away estranged blood relative is of much less use than the nearby friendly neighbor. Somewhat akin to the US saying that family is what you make of it.
Also, there seems to be a presumption in some comments that because Guzim is a doorman, he is necessarily uneducated. In the article, it mentions that he came from an educated and powerful family so I suspect he was quite educated, although with US degrees necessarily.
It is not uncommon that immigrants, because of their poor English skills/ connections/ lack of US degrees, are forced to take jobs that are below the level of their education/ outside their original field. I used to eat lunch with the nurses at the VA hospital. Some of the male ones were from Manila and older than me. After they got to know me a bit, they confided they had been MDs but came to the US and re-trained as nurses because that path was easier and paid well. I listened and told them I was glad they were around as that meant the vets would get better care. So don't judge so easily and talk to people: your taxi driver might be a PhD-level scientist.
Also, there seems to be a presumption in some comments that because Guzim is a doorman, he is necessarily uneducated. In the article, it mentions that he came from an educated and powerful family so I suspect he was quite educated, although with US degrees necessarily.
It is not uncommon that immigrants, because of their poor English skills/ connections/ lack of US degrees, are forced to take jobs that are below the level of their education/ outside their original field. I used to eat lunch with the nurses at the VA hospital. Some of the male ones were from Manila and older than me. After they got to know me a bit, they confided they had been MDs but came to the US and re-trained as nurses because that path was easier and paid well. I listened and told them I was glad they were around as that meant the vets would get better care. So don't judge so easily and talk to people: your taxi driver might be a PhD-level scientist.
76
It's rather sad to see the misogyny on the pages of the NY Times, supposedly one of the more liberal-leaning papers in the US. This was just a lovely story about the interaction of two people over the course of years. There was no need to judge the writer for her life or her decisions. I read the Modern Love column intermittently and have never seen such judgement heaped on the writer. Ms. Hogben and Guzim, I apologize on behalf of those commenters.
47
What a lovely story! And I know by observation so true.
11
Women are make strides, breaking glass ceilings, leading all the way to the top, becoming doormen and....
And....
Oops, sorry, I got confused.
So, when is that article coming?
And....
Oops, sorry, I got confused.
So, when is that article coming?
1
This is lovely. Guzim is a wonderful friend.
http://www.thecriticalmom.blogspot.com
http://www.thecriticalmom.blogspot.com
12
Listen to the animated video that accompanies this column. It adds depth to the written piece. You hear the voices of the writer and Guzim.
14
There are many Guzim's out there. Having been in the industry for 26 years I have come to know hundreds of them. Who do more than tend to the lobby and open a door. They care about the people who live there and treat them as family. It's unfortunate that they all go unnoticed. They wake the Residents up in the morning and put them to sleep in the evening, and look out for them every day.
27
I have the same relationship with the doorman at my building in the Bronx. He is the apartment version of a bartender - talked me off the ledge after numerous dating disasters, and always supportive when things are on the up and up - for all things relationships and sports related (we are both avid sports fans.) I enjoyed reading this piece as it resonated and made me appreciate him even more.
22
Also - to the writer of this piece - congrats on the baby and good luck w everything!
18
I know this isn't the point of the article and perhaps this is my reaction as an ex-New Yorker, but is it really okay in New York now to date people who smoke and flick their cigarettes in the street?
9
So many judgmental comments! So much drive-by criticism! "She should have... why didn't she... what about the father...." People, people, how much can you know from a carefully *crafted* piece of writing of 350 words? There are also these people called "editors" who are involved in publishing -- heard of them? Take this work as the essentialized, artistic endeavor that it is meant to be. Save your judgments for coffee hour after the service!
30
People, people, how much can you know from a carefully *crafted* piece of writing of 350 words?
Enough to know that an unwed woman decided to have a baby because she wanted to. She put her wants ahead of the child having and active involved father. The pregnancy was no accident.
Enough to know that an unwed woman decided to have a baby because she wanted to. She put her wants ahead of the child having and active involved father. The pregnancy was no accident.
5
Folks, these connections seems to only take place in New York. Something about this place... Especially the UWS neighborhood.
5
Interesting story. Funny, I don't always read the same wonder, compassion and romanticism amongst comments when the story is about Keisha, living in the Bronx (or a shelter) who's becomes a single mother unexpectedly.
37
Really good point. Bravo.
Modern Love column is attractive to me - I read just about every one of them. However, (perhaps reflective of its audience?) it seems to skew very, very white/upper middle class/highly educated.
The Sex and the City trope - cute young white woman going through her dating woes - elicits sentimental, nostalgic, and perhaps parental sighs. Whereas a person of the exact age & sex but different race & "social class" telling her own story about trying to find a man and having an oops pregnancy... ? How would that go over?
Modern Love column is attractive to me - I read just about every one of them. However, (perhaps reflective of its audience?) it seems to skew very, very white/upper middle class/highly educated.
The Sex and the City trope - cute young white woman going through her dating woes - elicits sentimental, nostalgic, and perhaps parental sighs. Whereas a person of the exact age & sex but different race & "social class" telling her own story about trying to find a man and having an oops pregnancy... ? How would that go over?
19
There's a long line of doormen (and one woman) whom I remember with affection and respect from the various Manhattan buildings my wife and I have lived in since 1983. Eddie at Astor Place, Michael and Michelle (yes, really) on West 50th, and now Steve, Alex and Gene on East 46th Street. It's a unique sort of relationship, one I'm not sure someone who's never lived in a large urban apartment building can really understand.
12
I can't believe how judgmental some of these comments are. I thought it was a beautiful piece about how friendship can blossom in unexpected places. Plain and simple.
32
Lovely, lovely story.
I only wish that you'd do a little more to stay in touch with a man who has been so loving and supportive of you- and you alone- as a single woman and mother- all on your own.
These people are precious: the ones who love you for who you are and who love you from whom they are. He LOVES you and knows how to love you- as a person.
And yet you just check in with him when you're in the city.
And what?
When he may need someone to support him- are you planning on being around? I hope so.
These surrendipitous relations are what life is made of.
He's not your lover. But he is probably the best friend you could have: one who loves you for who you are.
And you are blessed for that.
I only wish that you'd do a little more to stay in touch with a man who has been so loving and supportive of you- and you alone- as a single woman and mother- all on your own.
These people are precious: the ones who love you for who you are and who love you from whom they are. He LOVES you and knows how to love you- as a person.
And yet you just check in with him when you're in the city.
And what?
When he may need someone to support him- are you planning on being around? I hope so.
These surrendipitous relations are what life is made of.
He's not your lover. But he is probably the best friend you could have: one who loves you for who you are.
And you are blessed for that.
29
Perhaps you assume that you know more than you actually do from this very short post. We have no way of knowing how they came to whatever pattern they have of staying in touch.
8
Why are many of these comments focused on Julie's wealth? Who cares what story the father would tell? Or even if she made a mistake sleeping with the fellow from Israel and getting pregnant. The facts are, she brought a beautiful baby girl into the world and received support from someone who chose to care about her and her little girl. For gosh sakes, see the story for what it is, not for your script of life!
35
This story was LOVERLY ! There is nothing better than the smell and cuddle factor of a newborn baby. If she gets the love we all need and knows she is valued as a human being, she will become a happy & well adjusted woman.
7
I left Tudor City five years ago, but a big piece of my heart and all of my gratitude remains with the greatest doorman -- Dan W. I consider him family til the end of time. His smile and caring made being single a whole lot easier, and I will always be glad to have had him looking out for me. Love you Dan.
13
I suspect the "father," to whom you don't even have the humanity to give a first name, would tell a different story.
9
married with children.
3
"Father"? Why the quotation marks? You're suggesting there isn't a father, or ...?
3
Irresponsible woman with unearned wealth relies on kindly servants and mistakes them for friends
Please, no
Please, no
41
This woman is a successful screenwriter (http://cityoflightstudios.com/team/) Read her bio and stop the unearned judging, please.
12
unearned?
14
Yes, but the doorman I face every morning is a Yankees fan. He does not understand at all. There need to be more buildings, especially on the Upper East Side, where there are scores of transplanted New Englanders-judging from the frequency of friendly baseball caps. Embedded agents of the Red Sox nation need to feel safe and protected, too. It is a travesty that so many recent immigrants are indoctrinated into the ways of the evil empire before they have a chance to think for themselves.
21
Great story. Thanks.
11
If you didn't like the new boyfriend and you respected the opinion of the doorman, why did you "sleep" with him? Did it add to the story to refer to him as the Israeli. Guys of all nationalities run off when their girlfriends become pregnant. Another story about a woman who doesn't think before she acts, even when she receives good advice.
18
You criticize and shame a woman who kept a baby,and sacrifices to do so, but excuse a man who ran off. The guy does something "all" guys do, but is not the one who "doesn't think." Sexist,sexist, sexist.
38
So many haters, let this woman tell her story and leave her be. Either vicariously enjoy her nostalgia or be quiet!
24
I found the story a little bit classist. For years I lived in a doorman building in San Francisco. Often, friendship can be one of the closest and most enduring forms of love. But this wasn't really a friendship. It was a relationship between a woman with enough wealth to live in a doorman building who used the doorman to fill the emotional cavities of her life. With the exception of him being HER confidant, never her being a source of support that I can tell to him, she made sure he never entered her social circle. Unlike the guy who got her pregnant and dumped her, there is no indication that when she moved to California she ever gave her number there to the doorman, After all, he was just a servant who happened to treat her less judgmentally and better than anyone in her social class. She was a user, he was a selfless support system she paid for. Give me a break.
124
Very astute observation. Right on the money.
6
Marx would be very proud of your comment.
9
Seriously? How can you know any of this? He felt comfortable telling her a good bit about his very difficult life, so there's some reason to think there's more reciprocity here than you acknowledge, but truth be told, this is a very short account, with a single focus.
27
well...call me a hopeless romantic, but I was sort of hoping for a
old time Meg Ryan movie kind of ending....that you and Guzim would find in each other what you never could with others...
although maybe you did and that things are terrific as they are
orrrr...
maybe you didn't realize what you had and Guzim needs to visit CA on his vacation...
Orrr...
Maybe I need to get more of a life.
old time Meg Ryan movie kind of ending....that you and Guzim would find in each other what you never could with others...
although maybe you did and that things are terrific as they are
orrrr...
maybe you didn't realize what you had and Guzim needs to visit CA on his vacation...
Orrr...
Maybe I need to get more of a life.
29
Thank you for this wonderful piece!
5
Nice of you to always check to see if he's around.
After all of his personal kindness and affection toward you and your child, and presumably yours to him, you might correspond with him -- a note, a letter now and then? Keep in touch? I personally would complain of being dropped, but he has no complaints.
After all of his personal kindness and affection toward you and your child, and presumably yours to him, you might correspond with him -- a note, a letter now and then? Keep in touch? I personally would complain of being dropped, but he has no complaints.
20
I had a doorman in Izmir, Turkey. Building occupants would leave our car keys with him and call him when we planned to use our car, and he would juggle the cars so that our car was positioned to leave when we got downstairs. One day, he was juggling cars for somebody else, and he left my car on the sidewalk with the keys in the car and the car was stolen. We got the car back because we were friends with the chief of police for Izmir. We called him immediately, and he happened to be at work on a Sunday evening. He put out a be-on-the-lookout notice, and about a half-hour later the car was found. It had been stolen by three Kurds with police records about as long as phone book.
2
Aha! Three Kurds. Well that certainly clarifies things. I'll be sure to profile Kurds in the future.
4
"I had a farm in Africa"? Naaaah!
"I had a doorman in İzmir" sounds so much better for the beginning of an epic story. The trials and tribulations of our hero as he is confronted by sea monsters, witches, nymphs, and finally The Three Kurds! (played by Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and that other guy.)
Of course, Homer too was from İzmir... :-) :-)
"I had a doorman in İzmir" sounds so much better for the beginning of an epic story. The trials and tribulations of our hero as he is confronted by sea monsters, witches, nymphs, and finally The Three Kurds! (played by Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and that other guy.)
Of course, Homer too was from İzmir... :-) :-)
11
Without being judgmental about single parenthood - I found this piece way too cutsie.
29
What a sad story of two very lonely people!
Guzim comes across as a dignified responsible man. The author used him very selfishly and then went of to California, only visiting when she came to New York.
she could at least have had his phone and visited him at his home, not at his job.
Guzim comes across as a dignified responsible man. The author used him very selfishly and then went of to California, only visiting when she came to New York.
she could at least have had his phone and visited him at his home, not at his job.
16
Agreed. she should at least ask Guzim if he would like to be kept informed as a courtesy for his support. If not, so be it.
2
And you know that she did not do this how, exactly, Mister Ed? Your horse sense?
8
You are making a lot of assumptions and might be projecting some of your own issues into this life. There are a lot of facts you might not know about that wasn't written in this article, have you ever thought of that?
9
Great piece of writing. Perfect and human and true. Thanks for sharing.
10
It does seem that the romance of this story, if you can call it that, is brought to you by wealth. No wealth, no doorman. No wealth, and unmarried motherhood is a disaster.
Also: the things that doormen know about their residents is scary. I guess it's fine if the doorman is good people like Guzim, but most doormen I know are professional gossips. You are literally paying people to know almost all the intimate details of your life. You better hope they are as stand up as Guzim!
Also: the things that doormen know about their residents is scary. I guess it's fine if the doorman is good people like Guzim, but most doormen I know are professional gossips. You are literally paying people to know almost all the intimate details of your life. You better hope they are as stand up as Guzim!
19
Would love to hear Guzim' s side of the story, but we never will.
36
This story made me cry. This is the compassion and consciousness that lies within us to connect with others outside of our family or even our circle. It is the empathy and humanity in all of us, to see we are all family.
10
Oh brother. Really? It's a nice story but it is so out in la la Land; sentimental and not grounded in reality. Underneath it all is the weirdly self congratulatory tone of someone with lot of money, someone very sheltered with very little self awareness. Wake up. Please.
I was newly married and pregnant, and my husband was in Boston during the week. I really felt that Carlos, my doorman on the UWS, was my savior. Nine years later I don't even really remember why I was so attached to him, but he made a huge difference during those scary days. He was kind, and concerned, and did sort of feel like a father. Carlos is a Cuban refugee, with his own fantastic story. I ask about his wife and daughter, and grandson, and he secretly marks my son's growth on the doorway. I'll always be grateful to him. (Not so much to the guys who stole from everyone in the building.)
7
What a profound sadness and a great pity that anyone would tell the father of one's child that he is "off the hook," that he can be involved as little as possible. This child deserves to have the love of a father, a connection with him and with her paternal grandparents and other family. Even if he is a huge jerk. And he must be so, for his response was not to resent this grotesque release from what is one of life's most meaningful experiences. Treating parenthood as something from which men can be released is going backward rather than pushing ahead the frontiers of human progress, especially in regard to equality.
31
Sometimes trying to make a man who is not interested in being a father stick around is not the best idea. It just causes a lot of unneeded heart ache and pain for everyone, especially the child. Letting him go might actually have been the best decision for everyone involved. He eventually just disappeared anyway. Who would want that for their child?
17
Is it possible he is married with children? Is she not Jewish? Forget the Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Atheist, Agnostic or Buddhist question. Was he just a low-life good for a one-night stand, upper east side style?
1
How exactly would you force the father to be involved? personal experience. Two poor choices in fathers, two wonderful children. One father had no interest in being involved at all, the other was ok with being involved but neither had any interest in contributing a dime in support. I wasn't wealthy. Got a job as a typist, worked my way up thru getting a degree and a professional position. I could either devote my energies towards a better life for us or spending my time chasing someone thru court trying to make them pay. Not worth it. I understand perfectly, the fathers could be as involved as they wanted, or not at all. Most of the time it was not. Or would you have insisted, forced, they spend time with the kid potentially exposing the child to child abuse or lletting them make it clear to the child they didn't want to be bothered.
15
Not a very nice story at all. Guzim gave a lot to this woman. That's nice, as far as it goes. She needed his help. But Guzim is in his 70s by this time, and, "We live in California now, but when we’re in New York, we drop by the building, hoping to find Guzim at his post." Sorry, that's not good enough. Guzim is probably in need of some TLC, himself, by now. Our author, however, at the center of her own little universe, has nothing to give him other than the occasional fly-by when she happens to be in town. No Christmas card? No emailed or surface-mailed photos of her daughter? No phone calls to see if he needs anything? This is a desertion only slightly less heartless than that of the baby's father. Such a one-sided relationship doesn't make for a feel-good story; it gives me a little chill.
94
What bizarre assumptions you're making. There is no clear indication the occasional visits are the only communication. And even if they are, there is no gain in judging this woman so harshly. I expect they conduct their relationship in a way that works for them.
18
Yes, this is certainly almost as bad as abandoning the child one conceived. Seriously?
12
There seem two sides to this story. With the strong labor union protocol Manhattan doormen are often today recruited from recently arrived immigrants and as such seem particularly prone to learning the occupant security protocol which some claim is the main reason they are on duty. People accustomed to a higher and grander performance level by domestic servants they hire and by hotel employees they are assigned once paying for occupancy request personal concierge service from the front door staff for which they believe they have paid but for which the front door staff Supervisor has not trained front lobby staff making Manhattan doorman staffed residences not necessarily their preferences.
1
Beautiful story. We must find support in all those generous to give it. The father of that little girl deserves what he's got.
1
Interesting story, but I can't believe the author allowed herself to be nudged into discussing her pregnancy test with the doorman. Has she no self-respect? Some people don't know what they should keep to themselves or share only with those closest to them.
15
He was close to her. That's the point. I think the story is lovely.
22
A reread? I think perhaps you missed the point. They were close and regardless how is it beneath her to have talked with the doorman? This suggests your view of the doorman's position is pretty suspect.
15
What does self respect have to do with discussing something with someone you feel comfortable with and trust? Are you saying doorman is a lower class of people that no one can trust? Who made you the arbiter?
9
Hardship, like Guzim's, helps put things in perspective. Life is precious and the big events help show us who people are--deep down inside.
I am Albanian and my father and family also suffered cause of Enver Hoxha. My sisters and mother became cleaning ladies but they never complained. They did what they needed to. We all know "one should never judge a person by what they do"...Bravo Julie for putting demonstrating that so eloquently into a touching story. :)
I am Albanian and my father and family also suffered cause of Enver Hoxha. My sisters and mother became cleaning ladies but they never complained. They did what they needed to. We all know "one should never judge a person by what they do"...Bravo Julie for putting demonstrating that so eloquently into a touching story. :)
33
This reminds me of the doorman ("security officer") in our apartment building, part of a gated complex in which we lived for a year in India. He had come from a distant part of the Indian northeast, leaving his entire family behind. When my husband and I chatted with him over the weeks and the months, we found so much sadness in his past - drunkenness, and a self-imposed exile from his loved ones. The saddest thing was that all these hard-working men (and all were men) were barely noticed by most of the affluent self-indulgent people who lived there. So though the author, like all of us, sees her relationship to the doorman through her own particular lens - yet she has appreciated and immortalised him, and others like him, in this essay.
26
This story reminds me very sadly of all the children who are raised by loving nannies, and one day cast off from them without more than a sentimental look back. It's a heartbreaking phenomenon.
19
It takes a special loser to cut off all contact with your child, conceived unintentionally or not.
148
Of course, generally speaking, you are right.
But the contemporary dictum of political correctnes commands us to differentiate btwn genders:
When a male (lets say still in general, unless not via IV, a father is not assuming his 50% of financial and care responsibility and daily involvement with his child (which, in general, requires the ability to withstand and work diligently around myriads of obstacles his ex, child's mother, also typically without any punishment from the court, throws in to sabotage child's relation and contract with him) ... than it is father's fault, selfishness, etc.
But if a woman, would be mother or actual (birth) mother aborts the child or give her up for adoption or doesn't fulfill her 50% of financial obligation and daily care ... then it is not her fault, it is his or some other male or "sexist" paternalistic society's fault ... because women and mother "naturally" are never in fault.
But the contemporary dictum of political correctnes commands us to differentiate btwn genders:
When a male (lets say still in general, unless not via IV, a father is not assuming his 50% of financial and care responsibility and daily involvement with his child (which, in general, requires the ability to withstand and work diligently around myriads of obstacles his ex, child's mother, also typically without any punishment from the court, throws in to sabotage child's relation and contract with him) ... than it is father's fault, selfishness, etc.
But if a woman, would be mother or actual (birth) mother aborts the child or give her up for adoption or doesn't fulfill her 50% of financial obligation and daily care ... then it is not her fault, it is his or some other male or "sexist" paternalistic society's fault ... because women and mother "naturally" are never in fault.
4
When I lived in Yonkers, my next door neighbor was a doorman for a white-glove Manhattan building. Residents relied on him, liked him a lot, and shared private aspects of their lives with him. He saw everything and helped out where he could.
On 9/11, his residents broke his heart. He helped where he could, worried about who was safe, and kept watch. Like many others, he walked home up the Henry Hudson Parkway, across the bridge. I'll never forget when he came home. Covered in that weird gray-white gritty slightly viscous soot, he couldn't get over the fact that none of his residents asked if he was okay or needed a place to stay.
My neighbor didn't think the residents intentionally overlooked his well-being. He was just really sad that he didn't matter, on this day of all days. As I read Hogben's story, I kept thinking, "I can't believe she doesn't see that this is all about her." The doorman is her prop.
On 9/11, his residents broke his heart. He helped where he could, worried about who was safe, and kept watch. Like many others, he walked home up the Henry Hudson Parkway, across the bridge. I'll never forget when he came home. Covered in that weird gray-white gritty slightly viscous soot, he couldn't get over the fact that none of his residents asked if he was okay or needed a place to stay.
My neighbor didn't think the residents intentionally overlooked his well-being. He was just really sad that he didn't matter, on this day of all days. As I read Hogben's story, I kept thinking, "I can't believe she doesn't see that this is all about her." The doorman is her prop.
271
I disagree. I think her appreciation for his life perspective is woven into the story appropriately and that throughout this essay, she is essentially acknowledging him as an important person in her life, albeit one that isn't very publicly recognized.
Given the message of the story, I'm not sure what she would have added about his overall well-being that would have supported it.
Given the message of the story, I'm not sure what she would have added about his overall well-being that would have supported it.
15
There are a lot of superficial people in the world, who imitate friendship but don't really experience it.
7
I did not get the impression that Guzim was a prop. It felt to me like this article was about the wise doorman. Being Albanian myself with family members who had to take similar positions because they had no other choice I would be the first to be sensitive to Julie being selfish, and she was not.
Anyway, that is just my opinion and I respect your opinion and can see you have a good heart and wanted to share my feelings.
Anyway, that is just my opinion and I respect your opinion and can see you have a good heart and wanted to share my feelings.
25
This is a wonderful story. I tell my boys 18 and 14 some of the wisest people in the world have no formal education, lots of life experience and never never look down on them. I don't know whether Guzim was educated or not but I learned as much from the janitors, the lunch ladies and the painters growing up as I did from the doctors and businessmen. I still do. Some of my wisest clients did not graduate from high school.
You can have all the Ivy League degrees you want but be dumb as soup. Look at Ted Cruz. Reminds me of what Captain PIcard of Star Trek fame said to Wesley Crusher on his leaving for Star Fleet academy "be sure to spend a lot of time with Boothby" when you are there. He is the wisest man on campus". Crusher says something like who is he a professor? The Captain says "the gardener" .
You can have all the Ivy League degrees you want but be dumb as soup. Look at Ted Cruz. Reminds me of what Captain PIcard of Star Trek fame said to Wesley Crusher on his leaving for Star Fleet academy "be sure to spend a lot of time with Boothby" when you are there. He is the wisest man on campus". Crusher says something like who is he a professor? The Captain says "the gardener" .
81
As though a gardener is inferior? Is that why it's a surprising response?
2
Read your story, but I thought the ending might have been different. My mother used to say, do not give your hearts to strangers (the word she used in Urdu is much richer and is not literally strangers but rather people who have lots of other affiliations and may have the tendency to not stick around...) as strangers have to go one day.
My question is why did you not marry Guzim? He seemed to care about you and your daughter and would have been good to you and your daughter for the rest of his life. This life is a journey and hitting the apex is not that important as long as you have run a good course.
My question is why did you not marry Guzim? He seemed to care about you and your daughter and would have been good to you and your daughter for the rest of his life. This life is a journey and hitting the apex is not that important as long as you have run a good course.
42
Others posting here expected a wedding and happily ever after, but how dare we assume Guzim was heterosexual! Has our conditioning made "straight" the default or could it be that we are not as open-minded a society as claimed?
2
I had a similar thought when I read this story. It's easy to open your heart to someone when you know there is no real chance for intimacy. It's safe. Having a relationship, a real relationship, is scary. What I'm about to say is probably unfair, but I'll say it anyway. Why is it that it seems that so many women are unable or unwilling to make a real bond with a man? Maybe it's something about our society these days, which allows for so many acceptable alternatives. I still feel that the man-woman relationship is the most difficult but also the most essential and fundamental connection we can form in life, and also the most beautiful.
6
Val in Brooklyn, NY to NA in Montreal, Brad L in CO, NYC Mom, Marge Keller in Midwest, Susan Marie in NY.
Such good comments and you all make very good points.
Brad L--I know all too well what you mean about educated fools--which Guzim definitely was not. . . . I know all too painfully well.
Susan Marie--What you've written positively stings and breaks my heart!
Ray in NYC--It's not my place to judge her. Having said that, call me old fashioned, self-protective or romantic (ok, all of them, I plead proudly guilty)--I couldn't conceive (excuse the pun) of getting physically intimate without being emotionally intimate (committed first). BAD IDEA FULL STOP.
NA--You've asked a really good question. Guzim seems like a really nice man. A gentleman, which is rare--if not virtually extinct--these days.
Submitted 10-23-15@9:59 p.m. EST
Such good comments and you all make very good points.
Brad L--I know all too well what you mean about educated fools--which Guzim definitely was not. . . . I know all too painfully well.
Susan Marie--What you've written positively stings and breaks my heart!
Ray in NYC--It's not my place to judge her. Having said that, call me old fashioned, self-protective or romantic (ok, all of them, I plead proudly guilty)--I couldn't conceive (excuse the pun) of getting physically intimate without being emotionally intimate (committed first). BAD IDEA FULL STOP.
NA--You've asked a really good question. Guzim seems like a really nice man. A gentleman, which is rare--if not virtually extinct--these days.
Submitted 10-23-15@9:59 p.m. EST
4
I grew up in a lovely doorman building on the Upper East Side in the 1960s and 70's. We had the most wonderful doormen, they watched me grow up and were one part uncles and another part confidants (when i was a rebellious teenager!) When my mother sold our apartment and we moved away I was heartbroken, and I missed these sentinels of my daily routine. For many years I would visit them when I was in the neighborhood--they were always happy to see me asking about the rest of my family. I do not live in a doorman building. My children do not know what it is to have a special friend at the front door to greet you as you come and go throughout your day, throughout your life. It is a special relationship. It is a rarefied life, granted, but that doesn't make it less genuine and touching.
78
" . . . someone who welcomed her into this world with open arms, an open heart, ready and willing to guard and protect her, just as he had guarded and protected her mother."
I, like most mothers who has a single daughter living in doorman buildings, hope and pray their doormen are like Guzim. Both she and I sleep much better knowing that someone with integrity, character, goodness and a kind heart, is keeping a watchful eye over her. Profound gratitude and appreciation for caring about my daughter, who will always be my "little girl".
I, like most mothers who has a single daughter living in doorman buildings, hope and pray their doormen are like Guzim. Both she and I sleep much better knowing that someone with integrity, character, goodness and a kind heart, is keeping a watchful eye over her. Profound gratitude and appreciation for caring about my daughter, who will always be my "little girl".
20
People depend on doormen so much. Sounds like a great premise for a horror film for adults.
5
true friends. protectors, helpers, and knights willing to hope on to the horse and do the job.
4
My building had so many problems with tenants sitting in the lobby for hours upon hours, distracting the doormen from their work and taking up the few chairs for people waiting for car pickups (as if the lobby is an extension of their living rooms), that the doormen in my building - all very nice people, but employees, after all - had the management company send out a memo reminding us that they had jobs to do and had the right not to be forced to pretend to be our best buddies.
Would any of us like our bosses to sit in our cubicles, making small talk for hours and telling us all about their personal lives, while we smile and nod and pretend to be interested?
Would any of us like our bosses to sit in our cubicles, making small talk for hours and telling us all about their personal lives, while we smile and nod and pretend to be interested?
54
FSMLives!: I wonder if the lobby squatters were elderly people? Oftentimes our older neighbors are lonely and/or anxious for human contact; a doorman once confided that some of the oldest single/widowed among us spent their days sitting in the lobby because they were afraid of taking ill (or worse) in their lone apartments without anyone knowing to come to their aid (I suppose dying in their sleep was not a concern).
13
I knew one doorman who thought listening and responding to tenants WAS his job - & he made a good living at it.
11
This story it is about a women who engages in drunken hookups without bothering to use birth control and so has a child with a man she does not like who has no interest in being a father.
There is no mention of how she is supporting this child, no mention of who paid for the birth of this child, no mention of the fact that this is yet another child who will grow up without knowing her father.
How is this charming and something to celebrate again?
There is no mention of how she is supporting this child, no mention of who paid for the birth of this child, no mention of the fact that this is yet another child who will grow up without knowing her father.
How is this charming and something to celebrate again?
111
Wow, I think you missed a course when you went to college. It was the one entitled "Humanity". Or perhaps you had the course but failed.
31
The point of the story is the virtue and character of the doorman. He certainly has -- given the options he has faced -- made better choices than the author.
However, I am celebrating the fact that the author did not have an abortion.
However, I am celebrating the fact that the author did not have an abortion.
17
John: What you did there is called an 'ad hominem attack', which is an attack on an argument made by attacking the character of the person.
Many of us who went to college are quite familiar with it.
Many of us who went to college are quite familiar with it.
14
This is absolutely beautiful.
8
How much does it cost to live in a building with a doorman in Manhattan? I'd love a doorman, but the rent is probably more than my Denver mortgage.
9
Apartment buildings with doormen are the urban equivalent of gated communities in suburbia.
10
actually it's more like the urban equivalent of a house with in a safe neighborhood in suburbia.
5
I do not have a doorman in suburban Mill Valley, CA. But I have the next best best thing: The New York Times. Thank you for the wonderful page one feature.
13
I had a great doorman when I lived in NYC who I visited when I moved away too. And while living there I got pregnant too. I had an abortion. No beautiful newborn. No child running down the sidewalk into the arms of the benevolent, platonic male friend/father/grandpa/uncle. Just reality: there was no way I could afford to raise a child in New York as a single, unemployed woman with no health insurance. The one thing these columns always neglect to say is that these women have money. That's the only way this story can be romantic. Without money the Upper West Side single mother romance of making it alone doesn't exist. But it's a great story.
281
While the gist of this comment is true, it's not totally relevant.
At it's heart, this story isn't a romantic one about a single mother's success. To me, it's much more about honoring the importance and contribution of often unassuming people in your life.
If we're going to critique these essays for coming from privileged authors, you can paste a similar comment on pretty much all of them. I think by and large this column is written by people who have time, an education, and access to the NYT.
At it's heart, this story isn't a romantic one about a single mother's success. To me, it's much more about honoring the importance and contribution of often unassuming people in your life.
If we're going to critique these essays for coming from privileged authors, you can paste a similar comment on pretty much all of them. I think by and large this column is written by people who have time, an education, and access to the NYT.
29
Yeah, but there are 7 million stories in the Naked City!... Not all doormen are great, of course - but as a single woman, I am very aware that they are my FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE. We have lovely friendly doormen, I can always count on them for help, and I am very grateful for them.
It's sadly true, you have to have money to live in a doorman building, never mind raising a child alone. And the way rents are now, I could never afford it if I had to start over. It's too bad, and I feel for the women who are more vulnerable in unprotected apartments.
It's sadly true, you have to have money to live in a doorman building, never mind raising a child alone. And the way rents are now, I could never afford it if I had to start over. It's too bad, and I feel for the women who are more vulnerable in unprotected apartments.
10
Can't you say the same thing for almost everything?
2
Live in a doorman building and totally understand the relationship. Stories like this always cause me to ask: why are there no women doormen?
20
I moved from New York, where I adored the doormen (for safety's sake, I knew each on all nearby blocks in addition to those a my building) to West Palm Beach where, sure enough, a Cuban-American woman served as an excellent doorman.
Nowhere here, however, does it say how little doormen are paid. For the work they do, the small sums they earn is appalling).
Nowhere here, however, does it say how little doormen are paid. For the work they do, the small sums they earn is appalling).
23
Doorman pay and benefits in NYC are very generous, as they include a pension and many vacation days.
That is the primary reason that maintenance fees are so high, even in buildings that have paid off the underlying mortgage, but New Yorkers do not begrudge this.
No one is forced to live in a doorman building, after all.
That is the primary reason that maintenance fees are so high, even in buildings that have paid off the underlying mortgage, but New Yorkers do not begrudge this.
No one is forced to live in a doorman building, after all.
11
"Why are there no women doormen?"
The victimhood syndrome folks might assert that this too is due to "sexism" and "discrimination" of women, because we all know that doormen are paid oh so well.
With already 62% of all college grads now being women, women in doorman's job might not be the desirable outcome the progressive might like to see.
But yes, one can always score the PC points, finding supposed sexism and discrimination anywhere. Even at lowly doorperson's job.
The victimhood syndrome folks might assert that this too is due to "sexism" and "discrimination" of women, because we all know that doormen are paid oh so well.
With already 62% of all college grads now being women, women in doorman's job might not be the desirable outcome the progressive might like to see.
But yes, one can always score the PC points, finding supposed sexism and discrimination anywhere. Even at lowly doorperson's job.
1
It is human story.
13
Doormen are great judges of character. It comes with the line of work. And none of the doormen in my building liked any of the boyfriends I brought home to my mother. Until my husband.
52
Refugee, what's with the negativity? Projecting a little....?
3
I've lived in a big, doorman building on the West Side for many years now. Most of the doorman there have been there even longer than I have-and I adored most of them. They are treasured friends, confidants, brothers. They watch out for me and hook up my new flat screen TV. I bring them treats and water and coffee...I consider myself unbelievably fortunate to have these men-warm, decent, strong, honest-watching my back. I completely understand the writer's feelings for Guzim.
50
A great story! Loved reading it.
10
Just a lovely story, beautifully and naturally told. Now I want to read her novel.
11
Guzim sounds great. But I am longing for a Modern Love story that doesn't include the humblebrag of the author being drunk. At least this writer was just tipsy. Still...
18
Okay, so I'm going to suspend my disbelief and buy into a story about the doorman.
However, my wife's aunt, who is also my stepson's godmother, with whom we have stayed just southeast of Central Park (about two blocks from where Bernie Madoff used to live) have lived there for probably 50 years.
And this does not sound HER doorman.
However, listen to "The Super" for a hilarious story:
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/323/the-super
It is HILARIOUS!
However, my wife's aunt, who is also my stepson's godmother, with whom we have stayed just southeast of Central Park (about two blocks from where Bernie Madoff used to live) have lived there for probably 50 years.
And this does not sound HER doorman.
However, listen to "The Super" for a hilarious story:
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/323/the-super
It is HILARIOUS!
8
This is really talented writing but everyone involved has a broken life. Starting with a doorman whose youth was waisted in a labor camp in Albania and a child without a father. Maybe that's the way we live in New York.
31
Better a child without a father than a bad one. Trust me, I know. The absence of my "biodad" allowed my mum to meet the man who would become my real father, the one who raised me and loved me to this day. Never for once have I considered my life a broken one.
55
I'm not sure why you feel the people in this story have "broken" lives; they have realistic lives. Maybe this is news to you but everyone's lives, if they live long enough, are imperfect. I work in a field where people share confidences with me; being outwardly intelligent, beautiful, rich, etc doesn't necessarily shield people from the ups and downs that life brings. Ultimately, most people are just trying their best to do what they can with their lives and appreciate the beauty, kindness, etc. they experience.
10
I grew up in NYC and lived there all my life until 2 years ago. The doorman in my building watched me grow up as a little girl and into my teens. When I would go back to my building (after moving away to another one as an adult) one of them was still there, waiting for me with open arms when I would come by to visit. I appreciate your story. Later, as a single woman, I has similar relationships with the men who guarded the door. Only true New Yorkers can really understand.
47
"waiting for me with open arms when I would come by to visit."
So, maybe, just maybee, those always polite, always their emotion controlling and being of service - and patiently us hearing - dormen are substitutes for fatherly figures we left behing back home when we embarked on "finding true ourselves" (or a loaded Wall Street catch) in the Big Apple?
"Later, as a single woman, I has similar relationships with the men who guarded the door. Only true New Yorkers can really understand."
Only true, true NYkers can understand?
That is not very inclusionary, isn't it?
So, maybe, just maybee, those always polite, always their emotion controlling and being of service - and patiently us hearing - dormen are substitutes for fatherly figures we left behing back home when we embarked on "finding true ourselves" (or a loaded Wall Street catch) in the Big Apple?
"Later, as a single woman, I has similar relationships with the men who guarded the door. Only true New Yorkers can really understand."
Only true, true NYkers can understand?
That is not very inclusionary, isn't it?
2
Are there any door-ladies around like Guzim?
6
Thanks for this beautiful story and the artful way of recounting it.
That the doorman is Albanian made me smile.
The Albanians are some of the nicest people around.
And they are the only European land to have saved not only 100% of their Jews from the German murderers but even 200 Austrian and German Jewish refugees whom they took in.
A truly great people and land, Albania.
That the doorman is Albanian made me smile.
The Albanians are some of the nicest people around.
And they are the only European land to have saved not only 100% of their Jews from the German murderers but even 200 Austrian and German Jewish refugees whom they took in.
A truly great people and land, Albania.
94
"The Albanians are some of the nicest people around."
I do not want to pour a rain on your parade, but certainly in Europe, especially after fall of communism, not only in Albania and now - thanks to US bombing - also in Albanian ruled Kosovo, are source annd perpetrators of all kinds of serious criminal activities Europe-wide, starting with trafficking with women and girls, drugs, mafia "protection" extorsions, murders-for-hire, etc.
Not only Interpol and police and security agencies throughout Europe and crime statistics are evidence of - in proportion to their numbers - Albanians are consistently and significantly over-represented in serious crime statistics.
Here, in NYC, we have various Albanian mafias. Just look up "Rudai Organization".
I do not want to pour a rain on your parade, but certainly in Europe, especially after fall of communism, not only in Albania and now - thanks to US bombing - also in Albanian ruled Kosovo, are source annd perpetrators of all kinds of serious criminal activities Europe-wide, starting with trafficking with women and girls, drugs, mafia "protection" extorsions, murders-for-hire, etc.
Not only Interpol and police and security agencies throughout Europe and crime statistics are evidence of - in proportion to their numbers - Albanians are consistently and significantly over-represented in serious crime statistics.
Here, in NYC, we have various Albanian mafias. Just look up "Rudai Organization".
5
This is why I subscribe to the nytimes --great story tenderly written, in general , and aside from the "far to the left " political spinnings, a great paper.
8
Their political biases often ruin an otherwise great paper. Give us the facts with language that makes reading enjoyable—and please stop there.
10
Wonderful story told perfectly. A small world filled with love is so much warmer than a larger one full of acquaintances.
11
Years ago, when I was raising my son alone, I had my own Guzim. His name was Sam. His picture sits in the bookcase behind my desk as I write this. I don't know how I would have managed without him. Thank you so much for your recollection of your guardian angel and for reminding me of mine.
33
Many years ago, straight away following graduation from an upstate college, my college roommate and I moved into an apartment building on the Upper West Side that had an elevator man. Many would be overnight male guests were shown the door because we knew we'd have to face Nicu, who always knew who entered and exited our apartment, and when. We couldn't bare the shame of facing him! How irritating it was at the time; now I am awash in a huge smile with all those wonderful memories, and all the ways I love New York!
24
Best Modern Love in a long time!! Warm, wonderful, respectful.
8
The doormen in my building are very helpful and they get rewarded at Christmas.
5
I also loved this story but this is definitely a unique relationship.
As a woman who lived in NYC in her mid-20s, when doormen got personal it was more often with creepy and unwanted attention than friendly interest and concern. The most extreme example of this was when one got my phone number from the contact book, texted me, sent me photos that while were not graphic were certainly not solicited, and friended me on Facebook. He was let go because of complaints that I assume were from another woman. I think I was too embarrassed to complain.
The best doorman were the ones who were friendly but kept things professional. Doorman can quickly become like nosy neighbors, watching your comings and goings, trying to chat every time you enter or exit your home, etc. The best ones recognize that this can be an issue and focus on doing their job well while building courteous friendships with the residents.
As a woman who lived in NYC in her mid-20s, when doormen got personal it was more often with creepy and unwanted attention than friendly interest and concern. The most extreme example of this was when one got my phone number from the contact book, texted me, sent me photos that while were not graphic were certainly not solicited, and friended me on Facebook. He was let go because of complaints that I assume were from another woman. I think I was too embarrassed to complain.
The best doorman were the ones who were friendly but kept things professional. Doorman can quickly become like nosy neighbors, watching your comings and goings, trying to chat every time you enter or exit your home, etc. The best ones recognize that this can be an issue and focus on doing their job well while building courteous friendships with the residents.
105
If it gets creepy with your doorman the best thing to do is to complain to the super or the landlord; usually this will take care of the issue.
2
I always wonder, how can the NYT make things so perfect? how? You really made my Friday with this video.
17
My girlfriend usually forces these stories on me and normally I don't enjoy but this one I did. Great story. Very human and captures the importance of the people that come into our lives.
14
I lived in a doorman building with my (now) ex-boyfriend. Our breakup was brutal, probably loud, and messy. I stayed in the apartment (though sadly don't live there anymore) and the ex moved out. The doormen were so kind that to this day I can't help but feel my heart warm when I think of them. This story is beautiful and I believe every word. A good New York City doorman is such a treasure.
82
After reading your and other single women/single moms acolades about doormen being in essence their fatherly figures they left behind at home when venturing to the Big Apple to "find themselves" (or a rich Wall Street catch?) condo managements are proposing to increase service fees by 25% procent as doormen play so vital role in those females' lives.
Yes, they will also increase doormen wages by 2%.
Yes, they will also increase doormen wages by 2%.
1
RIP Bruno.
Thank you Louis.
Creepy, creepy Anthony...not so much.
Thank you for this column. It brought tears to this former UWSider's eyes.
Thank you Louis.
Creepy, creepy Anthony...not so much.
Thank you for this column. It brought tears to this former UWSider's eyes.
7
There is nothing as beautiful as platonic male-female friendships. I have opposite-sex friendships that have lasted for 25 years, and they immensely enrich my life.
Thanks for writing about a topic that should get a lot more attention and respect.
Thanks for writing about a topic that should get a lot more attention and respect.
51
Remember "This is Carlton, your doorman" on the Rhoda sitcom? He was, somehow, important to her living experience on the Upper East Side. Funny, when I moved to NYC in 1973 I definitely did NOT want a doorman building with some stranger(s) knowing my business!
11
Every Friday morning I excitedly search for the week's Modern Love. In the years I've been reading I've only skimmed or stopped reading a few. I've read many that brought tears to my eyes. I read this one with a smile plastered across my face. What a great writer and what a great guy. Guzim, that is. I look forward to reading more from this author.
26
Beautiful story. Decades ago, when New York was not considered as safe as it is now, I also lived in a doorman building single and alone. The doormen were incredibly protective and caring. Even though they knew my father, they always called first before allowing him upstairs. Several times a boyfriend would just dash out to buy a paper from the deli or a head of lettuce from the local grocer, and shortly thereafter, the doormen would again buzz and announce his name over the intercom before allowing him to proceed. Now New York is so expensive that my daughter can not afford the same measure of caring. She lives in a walk up in an area we, back then, considered unsafe. Maybe the City is safer, but somehow I feel something is missing when only the very wealthy can afford the nondescript buildings with their caring doormen.
61
Wonderful video. I shared with friends. Super writing, art, voiceovers. Thank you.
5
Wonderful writing...touched so many memories of my life on UES and as single L.A. mom. Thanks!!
1
I can also tell you it works the other way. A doorman gave me a heads up on a girl I dated that she was no good. It was done in a very low key manner, but he let me know he watched her and if I knew what was good, I'd move on and save myself a lot of headache and heartache.
51
This story brought tears to my eyes. I also love Guzim, who seems like one of those amazing and angelic people you meet rarely over a lifetime. He wasn't your doorman, but your angel.
60
She should have married the doorman
197
Val in Brooklyn, NY to David Gottfried in NYC
Yep, she's a fool. Heck, if she doesn't want him ...
Submitted 10-24-15@4:32 a.m. EST
Yep, she's a fool. Heck, if she doesn't want him ...
Submitted 10-24-15@4:32 a.m. EST
1
I love this. That is all.
3
A gift, indeed.
5
Beautiful.
5
Ah, lovely.
3
I always read Modern Love and I always say to myself when finished, "How sad."
21
This is a great story, and very much worth sharing-- but I just want to add a little quibble: the idea that the legions of doormen of New York "protect" the single women in their buildings is really problematic. I remember very well the way I felt in my 20s and early 30s as a single, actively dating woman, coming home at 1 a.m., sometimes drunk, sometimes weepy, sometimes toting a couple slices of pizza in a bag, always knowing that the doorman saw all. I felt their penetrating gazes not only in buildings where I lived, but in the buildings where a boyfriend or fling was living. For me it felt about 10 percent like protective attention and 90 percent like a mix of lurid interest and paternalistic shaming. (The 10 percent "protective attention" only because like many women I still sometimes confuse the feeling of being "protected" with being infantalized/objectified/mildly subjugated by men and society in general.) With one particularly ... friendly ... doorman, I even felt a touch scared for my safety upon entering my own building late at night when the lobby and the block were silent but for the doorman's "how you doin." I don't want to take away from a charming and touching story, but also don't want to ignore the subtle misogyny clouding women/doormen relations. It's as though the paternalism that infuses society in general gets a free ride in the doorman role because they are supposed to be in some sense watching out for us.
155
There are creepy doormen and creepy tenants. #AlertTheMedia
14
Wow - you think about this stuff way too much. It not that complicated. It's only complicated because you make it so and you want it to be so.
17
Couldn't you have all the same issues (or different, but equally bothersome ones) if the doorman was a doorwoman?
8
Beautiful. I hope that Guzim gets e-mails and calls, too. What a wonderful man.
48
Seems like she should have married this man, as affectionately as she speaks about him.
25
What a beautiful, beautiful article. So magical, so touching.
Thank you.
Thank you.
6
Thank you for sharing Guzim's story and his philosophy of gratitude. Beautiful reminder. The best to you and your daughter.
22
This story is cute, sweet, & entertaining. But the plot line is not new. I believe I heard the same story before back in the 90's when I spent several weeks staying up late watching re-runs of The Days & Nights of Molly Dodd on the Lifetime Channel. There, however, I believe the doorman was named Davy and not Guzim. Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe, in the final season, Molly became pregnant, after much time as a single person, and it was always her doorman, Davy, who seemed to be the most prescient person in her life.
9
So... a story about a human experience isn't worthy if it has, in some similar form, been recounted before? How sad.
6
A delight, all the way around. Very best wishes to you and your girl.
10
I'm sorry but this is creepy and sounds like the opening scenes of an episode of Law & Order.. Why is the doorman whispering over the intercom that he doesn't like your boyfriend and why are you discussing your pregnancy test with him? Look, he is there to do a job, open doors, collect packages, hail cabs, etc., he is not there to be your confidante or take an avuncular interest in you. If you need advice and support, turn to your parents, friends or a therapist. Boundaries, people, boundaries..
106
Life is about relationships. Who is to say this isn't a valid one. Doormen may not be great 90% of the time as some have suggested, but in this case it's a gift. She has not just shared her life with him, but obviously he has shared his life and hardships with her. They are special individuals who deserve our admiration.
16
Surely it's the prerogative of the people involved to decide what they are there for and what kind of relationship they can or should have, and not yours to demand that everybody else conform to your views.
16
Well, maybe he takes an interest because he is a human being.
10
What a sweet story...NYC doormen are the best!
9
Beautiful essay, made me cry. Congratulations on your daughter.
10