After unloading on my experience I do want to thank Mr Frame for a well written and apparently clear appraisal of what it looks like from his end of the scope. I enjoyed this article more than I can express.
39
class warfare in the dining room, you didn't like your job so you quit and went back to school, was it necessary to make it a morality play?
relax, stay in school maybe some day you can go back and enjoy the dining experience.
relax, stay in school maybe some day you can go back and enjoy the dining experience.
23
How is this any different from the rude middle-class being cranky and disgruntled with lower-level employees at Retail store or restaurants? At least the 1% tip better.
35
While Mr. Frame’s account of high-profile serving is an interesting peek behind the curtain, my ten-year experience in Hollywood’s legendary top watering hole, waiting upon the Rich and Shameless, illuminates the experience from a far more personal and intimate angle. The mechanics of serving may be very similar wherever you go, but the clients and the individuals doing the serving make all the difference. I often made $2,500 tips from top actors and one Oscar winner confidentially handed me $1,000 for saving his skin, to “split or not split” with my co-workers. I didn’t.
I've written about it all in my book, "Waiter to the Rich and Shameless" -- the hiring process, the training, the insane level of service, the wealthy and celeb guests, their habits and shenanigans, and the greedy corporate owners who ruined an iconic, historic restaurant. I also illuminated the way in which such a stressful job can steal your soul and break your body, and yet I came out on the other side with focus and confidence. I wanted to show others in the serving industry that there are amazing, top-tier jobs to be had if they shoot high and hone their skills to a knife's edge. There's much more to serving than one might think.
I've written about it all in my book, "Waiter to the Rich and Shameless" -- the hiring process, the training, the insane level of service, the wealthy and celeb guests, their habits and shenanigans, and the greedy corporate owners who ruined an iconic, historic restaurant. I also illuminated the way in which such a stressful job can steal your soul and break your body, and yet I came out on the other side with focus and confidence. I wanted to show others in the serving industry that there are amazing, top-tier jobs to be had if they shoot high and hone their skills to a knife's edge. There's much more to serving than one might think.
23
Although this article was well written and entertaining, I don't necessarily think it's the whole truth: it's one person's perception. He tells us how quickly he was promoted and comes off as somewhat ungrateful.
BTW, it took me 30 seconds to figure out which restaurant was under discussion. I have sympathy for the owners and current employees.
BTW, it took me 30 seconds to figure out which restaurant was under discussion. I have sympathy for the owners and current employees.
10
It's heartening to see so many comments from readers who recognize that what the diner is buying is his role as the "lord of the manor" role in the farce.
And it's very entertaining to read the comments from those diners who are shocked, shocked! to discover that the server is in fact not deeply thrilled to stand near them and bask in their magnificence...
And it's very entertaining to read the comments from those diners who are shocked, shocked! to discover that the server is in fact not deeply thrilled to stand near them and bask in their magnificence...
39
Newsflash - try working in a bar, or a chain restaurant. The 99% are also boorish, rude, demanding, apt to get roaring drunk or try to sneak a quickie in an inappropriate place - and they're much worse tippers. MUCH. You're not a pro; you're a grad student with an inflated sense of your own brilliance. You don't like it? It's hard and people are cranky to you? You're "empty and tired"? That's why it's called "work".
59
Mr. Frame I enjoyed your story of what goes on behind the scenes and on the stage of a 3 star restaurant. But I think your final analysis is a bit jaded. As someone who grew up in Detroit during the heyday of good pay for “estranged labor” I applaud establishments such as these that still offer the ambitious, disciplined, worker a chance to earn a living wage. They also train chefs who then turn around and open up more relaxed restaurants. And they foster small businesses and entrepreneurs like farmers, vineyards, laundry facilities, etc., etc.
Unfortunately we live in a different American today than the 1960s when good paying manufacturing jobs were in abundance. Some restaurants have filled a small portion of this gap. You were fortunate to have found a place that paid you what you deserved in return for your contribution to making their business pretty and perfect.
I shudder at the new “no tip” model restaurant that is being floated. Not only will it hurt those who choose serving as their profession, but the countless talented, such as yourself, who have been able to use restaurant work as a stepping stone to a higher education. In the end, any job servicing the public can leave you depleted and jaded if you let it. How do you think a Walmart worker feels at the end of a shift? There are people in every economic stripe that are insufferable. At least there are still a few businesses that get some of that 1% wealth back into circulation and fine dining is one of them
Unfortunately we live in a different American today than the 1960s when good paying manufacturing jobs were in abundance. Some restaurants have filled a small portion of this gap. You were fortunate to have found a place that paid you what you deserved in return for your contribution to making their business pretty and perfect.
I shudder at the new “no tip” model restaurant that is being floated. Not only will it hurt those who choose serving as their profession, but the countless talented, such as yourself, who have been able to use restaurant work as a stepping stone to a higher education. In the end, any job servicing the public can leave you depleted and jaded if you let it. How do you think a Walmart worker feels at the end of a shift? There are people in every economic stripe that are insufferable. At least there are still a few businesses that get some of that 1% wealth back into circulation and fine dining is one of them
25
Well, that was a quietly terrifying story.
32
Only rich people look at their cell phones while ordering food.
6
Junk food. Very expensive junk food, but still junk food.
4
I didn't serve just the wealthy, but was also taken over by them when my business prospered.
The city in clear collusion usurped my small ice cream stand and another guy's hot dog stand when it became clear we were making a profit and gave the contract to a politically connected restaurant owner.
Most of us who are not part of the business/political partnership clique that controls our "free" society are hung up and left to dry after getting the bath.
The rich among us didn't get that way as a result of their hard work rather through the hand in glove redistribution of wealth among themselves and their political appointees who we mistakenly think are elected by the citizenry.
We are trained to think differently, but, while most of us believe we are really exposed to the same education and subsequent values, we are in fact taught from childhood to accept and follow class guidelines.
The vast majority of us are sold and continue to buy a bill of goods rather than taking delivery of the merchandise because we believe the empty promise printed as freedom of choice on the cover of every politician's menu contains anything more than mouth watering, but inevitably empty promises.
We have always fallen for the same old three card monte and shell game and the rub is until we recognize the educational disparities being foisted on us in the name of diversity and freedom we will keep playing and keep paying.
We can change things, but we have to walk away from the table and vote
The city in clear collusion usurped my small ice cream stand and another guy's hot dog stand when it became clear we were making a profit and gave the contract to a politically connected restaurant owner.
Most of us who are not part of the business/political partnership clique that controls our "free" society are hung up and left to dry after getting the bath.
The rich among us didn't get that way as a result of their hard work rather through the hand in glove redistribution of wealth among themselves and their political appointees who we mistakenly think are elected by the citizenry.
We are trained to think differently, but, while most of us believe we are really exposed to the same education and subsequent values, we are in fact taught from childhood to accept and follow class guidelines.
The vast majority of us are sold and continue to buy a bill of goods rather than taking delivery of the merchandise because we believe the empty promise printed as freedom of choice on the cover of every politician's menu contains anything more than mouth watering, but inevitably empty promises.
We have always fallen for the same old three card monte and shell game and the rub is until we recognize the educational disparities being foisted on us in the name of diversity and freedom we will keep playing and keep paying.
We can change things, but we have to walk away from the table and vote
36
Wow, or not so wow, I remeber this illustrative class experience of forty years ago. Pittsburgh, PA.
It was a five year anniversary dinner, at a high-end restaurant (such as they were "back in the day" in Pittsburgh). We seated in a small room sharing it with a family: Mom, Dad, a coupla' young adult/teenage sons. Loudish Texans, we noticed.
Menus came....then nothing as the family dominated attention. After about 30-40 minutes, I got up, intercepting a waiter...He committed to be with us straight up. I returned to the table, the Dad at the table got up and put a basket of rolls at our table "Son, you seem a bit hungry...these will do till we are finished."
Texans, never did like 'em. But to be fair to all the rest of 'em and moving ahead into the 1980's there was something not-to-vaguely familiar about Washington's Bush family.
We never did get served, and enjoyed a fine dinner at a neighborhood restaurant up in Highland Park.
It was a five year anniversary dinner, at a high-end restaurant (such as they were "back in the day" in Pittsburgh). We seated in a small room sharing it with a family: Mom, Dad, a coupla' young adult/teenage sons. Loudish Texans, we noticed.
Menus came....then nothing as the family dominated attention. After about 30-40 minutes, I got up, intercepting a waiter...He committed to be with us straight up. I returned to the table, the Dad at the table got up and put a basket of rolls at our table "Son, you seem a bit hungry...these will do till we are finished."
Texans, never did like 'em. But to be fair to all the rest of 'em and moving ahead into the 1980's there was something not-to-vaguely familiar about Washington's Bush family.
We never did get served, and enjoyed a fine dinner at a neighborhood restaurant up in Highland Park.
17
I was stunned to read this and find no mention whatsoever of the food. Isn't that what a restaurant is about? At least some of us (not members of the 1%) save up and go to such restaurants to experience something out of the everyday. The cold contempt of the author for his customers belies the notion of a "service" industry. If he thinks academia is any less of a service industry, he'll have a rude awakening.
25
I represented a chain all you can eat buffet restaurant in litigation alleging that the restaurant was responsible for the death of a guest who choked to death. I was given to understand by one witness to the event that as the paramedics were working to save the guest's life that patrons stepped over the dying to get to the buffet. There was no champagne cart which to shield the other guests from the scene. So it's not just the 1% who can be callous when they want to eat at a restaurant they enjoy.
39
My husband and I were upper middle class people in our early 40s when we became parents. We needed to hire a live-out nanny and went to a service a friend suggested. Owner told us she always advised nannies to turn down jobs in very rich households as they would be overly demanding, expect servitude and 24/7 availability. She attributed this to their earned lack of humanity -- the distance between themselves and actual real work. But lots of the nannies did not listen and were miserable working for the sort of people Mr. Frame profiles. Lucky for all, our nanny chose us and we chose her-- mutual affection and respect for each other over many years. The Rich Are Different.
13
Working as a server at a small exclusive country club years ago I recognized and feared this class divide. The gap proved enormous. We served all you can eat lobster and oyster nights. I left stinking of the sea but having tasted lobster at the staff meal for the first time in my life.
I quickly noted that the younger serving staff seemed infinitely happier than our customers. We came to work with red hungover eyes having laughed and drank into the early hours of the morning often. I didn't want the other side, nor do I now.
One night at a regular staff night out over cold beers in 35 degree summer heat we had two young country club members arrive and proceed to drink with us. I shrank into a shell of myself, not comprehending the surmounting of this canyon of classes.
I quickly noted that the younger serving staff seemed infinitely happier than our customers. We came to work with red hungover eyes having laughed and drank into the early hours of the morning often. I didn't want the other side, nor do I now.
One night at a regular staff night out over cold beers in 35 degree summer heat we had two young country club members arrive and proceed to drink with us. I shrank into a shell of myself, not comprehending the surmounting of this canyon of classes.
11
Mr Frame,
Please write a book! Make it a novel, change the names, etc but write one!
Please write a book! Make it a novel, change the names, etc but write one!
44
Mesmerizing!
5
Even though I've often been required to do so for business and social reasons, I'm always uncomfortable eating in any restaurant where the people serving me could not afford to eat.
13
When human relations turn into financial relations, and a person's value is apparently measured by their bank account, the rich wrap themselves in the illusion that they are valuable and powerful.
As this story shows, the rich lose too, when they force everyone else to forgo the natural solidarity that binds humans together.
As this story shows, the rich lose too, when they force everyone else to forgo the natural solidarity that binds humans together.
18
I think it is interesting that, on some occasions, the waitstaff or Sommelier or Maitre'd can wrap themselves in an illusion of importance. Arrogant staff can be an unpleasant part of a dining experience as much as an arrogant customer can be a less than fun night for the staff. It seems that everyone can turn things down a notch to make dining a pleasant experience for everyone involved.
They might consider a sign that says "Just Be Nice".
They might consider a sign that says "Just Be Nice".
26
Not very unlike this chapter from Bonfire of Vanities by Tom Wolfe, Death New York Style.
Summary:"Suddenly, Arthur has a fit and falls to the floor. Peter helplessly calls for assistance, but the waitstaff is too busy preparing for Madame Tacaya's entrance to heed him. Paramedics arrive and take the body away. The head waiter, without missing a beat, presents Peter with the bill and is about to force Peter to pay despite his protestations when Madame Tacaya arrives, allowing Peter to escape. He runs a piece in The City Light the next day describing the restaurant's disregard for Mr. Ruskin, entitled, "Death New York Style."
http://www.gradesaver.com/the-bonfire-of-the-vanities/study-guide/summar...
Summary:"Suddenly, Arthur has a fit and falls to the floor. Peter helplessly calls for assistance, but the waitstaff is too busy preparing for Madame Tacaya's entrance to heed him. Paramedics arrive and take the body away. The head waiter, without missing a beat, presents Peter with the bill and is about to force Peter to pay despite his protestations when Madame Tacaya arrives, allowing Peter to escape. He runs a piece in The City Light the next day describing the restaurant's disregard for Mr. Ruskin, entitled, "Death New York Style."
http://www.gradesaver.com/the-bonfire-of-the-vanities/study-guide/summar...
43
Mr. Frame makes the assumption that the served are not aware of the choreography of the servers. At least some of us are, sometimes painfully so. At dinner I sometimes watch the "silent" messaging go on, at first because I appreciated it, sometimes because it's so over obvious it's actually entertaining, and it's educational. It isn't silent at all to many of us, I imagine, it's palalable, sometimes entertaining, sometimes discrete. You can't help but "eavesdrop" on the sometimes circus of a Michelin star(red) restaurant , even if you'd rather be in conversation with your dinner mates. I don't think the served are amazed at servers' "manual labor" being performed, I observe that many sit and watch because 1) it's the polite thing to do, feign curiousity as the ritual can sometimes go on for an awkward length of time, 2) you can't just as well talk across the elaborate pouring of soup over lobster, isn't that why it's being performed, to call attention to how special your experience is, 3) sometimes you're silenced in the middle of a confidential conversation, a private conversation or a conversation about the server himself! (More often male than female) Servers, while you're watching, you're being watched, and not by those who've been on the other side. We're human too. Everyone enjoys to be entertained.
59
Absolutely. A great experience is generally part friendly and pleasant staff and part well prepared food. In the absence of either a return visit is unlikely.
6
As alienated as you now feel about the labor, and despite the fact that someone else owned the means of production, you were not fully estranged in Marx' sense. Actors, which is what you were, have the rare opportunity in capitalist society to affirm their names, their identity, be creative and wield a level of control denied to most estranged workers.
26
Having worked in high-end hospitality for ten years, I can completely relate to this article. Make it nice, make it pretty, perfect will be just fine, "push the booze"---one manager said. Many nights of $500 shoes hobbling towards the ladies room before they passed out or men patting themselves on the back for some racist or derogatory remark about Obama. It was an education. My dear late 90 year old friend, Cesare Marigonda, restaurateur for 30 years, described service as a noble profession---thinking of one of his servers who studied for med school on her breaks. Cesare was right, service is a noble profession. If only the guests mentioned in the article could appreciate it....and don't get me wrong, I can be a food snob as a hospitality professional, and I notice all the details, grading a restaurant in my head, but given the state of the world we're living in with so many lacking food, shelter or safe water, I consider myself so blessed, privileged and will keep my inner comments in check, knowing the back story of every hand gesture and that quite possibly that server is putting themself through college for a better life.
106
An excellent description of why my wife and I have never frequented such places, despite having the wherewithal. We were subjected to such nonsense at various "events" during our working lives, and always felt rather uncomfortable and out of place. We are happiest making simple meals at home, or going to neighborhood restaurants with friends and family that serve good, unpretentious food with kitchen and wait-staff who actually appreciate their jobs and are treated like human beings, not furniture. Such places do exist.
Of course, I am a Californian. I spent enough time in the Big Apple to recognize that there, a certain type of pretension, especially in the privileged ghetto of Wall Street/Manhattan, is expected. Californians have their own versions, of course. Somehow, they seem less demeaning to me after reading this article.
I applaud the author for departing that scene. I only hope his graduate degree allows him more rewarding, if not more remunerative, employment. Therein lies the rub, eh?
Of course, I am a Californian. I spent enough time in the Big Apple to recognize that there, a certain type of pretension, especially in the privileged ghetto of Wall Street/Manhattan, is expected. Californians have their own versions, of course. Somehow, they seem less demeaning to me after reading this article.
I applaud the author for departing that scene. I only hope his graduate degree allows him more rewarding, if not more remunerative, employment. Therein lies the rub, eh?
99
The top one percent are distant and cold people. If they are people at all. Maybe they are from another planet. A distant and cold planet. This would explain everything. Wait a second. I am part of the top one percent. I am better/richer than 99% of the people on this planet. So I must be from another planet. How do I find out if I am? Maybe I should do a reverse Amazon Vine program. For those of you not familiar with the program, Amazon would send free products if you are willing to review them. In my case, Somalia would send me a free reviewer and he/she would evaluate me after a month living with me. I'm scared. What if I get one star? Would I be able to live with myself? Now I know how I product must feel. Do I have a future? Well, it can't be that bad. After all, no man has visited my planet. They don't understand me. Long live the top ....percent.
5
Now 27 and in higher levels of hospitality, I was a host at a small town Applebee's when I was 15. We had 2 regulars ( were not as nice as they could've been) mother was in a wheelchair and oxygen and her son, something seemed mentally off with him. We always welcomed them warmly. On a busy Friday night with a full foyer and lobby, they were angrily waiting for a table that they deemed theirs. The son had a seizure right in the break of the 2 walkways leading to the tables in the restaurant. I asked my manager what to do. For 10 minutes that he convulsed we had to step over his body to seat other guests. It haunts me to this day. More so because the other guests didn't care and wanted to order their app samplers asap.
31
I was a top waiter at a high end, Best of Boston restaurant for several years. We had similar multi-tiered staffing with impeccable service standards. And the author did capture the camaraderie we felt during staff meals, the excitement we felt when the doors opened, the service ballet that occurred nightly, the subtle competition to see who made the most money.
And, yes, his disdain was accurate for customers who were a pain and became simply 'a tip'. Because servers are human, when we encountered customers who were rude, boorish or overly demanding…we became robots. And although we did not let it show externally, while we were provided excellent service, a silent mental soundtrack played...which is what the author is highlighting here.
But, this was rare. For example, I had a couple come in every Sunday, demanding the same table and that I serve them...50 weeks a year. I loved welcoming them and asking about their week. I recall another young couple, celebrating their anniversary, who could barely afford to split an entree, but wanted to celebrate in a special place…and I felt honored to be a part of their special evening. And, just having fun serving Drew Bledsoe & his offensive line on Monday nights. It’s too bad the author is too jaded and/or too focused on a certain ‘tone’ to highlight these types of moments.
Because in these moments, and in countless others, many of us loved (or love) being servers….sharing special and mundane moments in people’s lives.
And, yes, his disdain was accurate for customers who were a pain and became simply 'a tip'. Because servers are human, when we encountered customers who were rude, boorish or overly demanding…we became robots. And although we did not let it show externally, while we were provided excellent service, a silent mental soundtrack played...which is what the author is highlighting here.
But, this was rare. For example, I had a couple come in every Sunday, demanding the same table and that I serve them...50 weeks a year. I loved welcoming them and asking about their week. I recall another young couple, celebrating their anniversary, who could barely afford to split an entree, but wanted to celebrate in a special place…and I felt honored to be a part of their special evening. And, just having fun serving Drew Bledsoe & his offensive line on Monday nights. It’s too bad the author is too jaded and/or too focused on a certain ‘tone’ to highlight these types of moments.
Because in these moments, and in countless others, many of us loved (or love) being servers….sharing special and mundane moments in people’s lives.
93
Wow, I wonder if my husband and I were that couple!!! I cherish a memory of celebrating an early anniversary at No. 9 park. We really couldn't afford it, shared everything (basically splitting one meal between the two of us) and took way longer than we should have. We had the most wonderful waitress who doted on us and plied us with wines "to taste" and then never charged us for them. We left on cloud nine........and from time to time still recall that meal in conversation. So if that was you, THANK YOU for giving a young couple a cherished memory!
24
I was working at a top midtown steakhouse. There was a gentleman at dinner with clients enjoying the gluttony that is a NY steakhouse. He began to have difficulty breathing at the table. Embarrassed, he excused himself as best he could and ran to the restroom. By this point the food had become completely lodged in his throat. Rather than leave the discretion of the men's room he tried dislodging it himself. Unfortunately he was unsuccessful and was found dead by another patron. This opened my eyes to the disparity between social graces and humanity. I was working at another NY steakhouse, this time as a manager, and noticed a lady at a table of five visibly choking. She was well dressed, affluent and at a table of same. The gentleman to her right was gently patting her back as she began to turn blue. I quickly came over, assessed the situation and administered the Heimlich maneuver. She regurgitated the lump of food and took a deep breath. I asked the gentleman for his napkin to wipe the vomit from her mouth. I gave the napkin to a busser and offered her water. A few minutes passed and I returned to check on her. She stated she was fine. I never received a thank you which is fine but the gentleman looked sternly at me and asked in a annoyed tone "Are you going to bring me another napkin!". I've worked in NY restaurants for over a decade and this article hits home for those of us who know the other side.
252
Several years ago I met a young woman while on a ski trip. She told me a remarkable story. It turns out she was a nanny for a super-rich family on the East Coast. She felt they were treating her like one of the family until one day she overheard the father talking to his son after dinner. It turns out that the staff often shared the leftovers from dinner once the family was finished eating. He told his son that if he wanted any more to eat, he should do so before "the rats" got to it. She quit at that point and moved to the West Coast. The family's daughter was very desirous of the nanny's cookies so when the daughter's birthday came up a few months later the family requested a supply of the ex-nanny's cookies. She agreed. They then sent out their private jet to pick up the cookies. Outrageous, and I am sure they managed a tax right off somehow for the flight, thereby causing the average taxpayer to subsidize the flight. Again, outrageous!
74
They needed only the nanny's cookies, out of all the possible choices in the world. Sounds like they could have anything they wanted, but didn't quite know what to want. Talk about a gross mismatch - people with beer taste and a champagne income.
2
The servers at fancy restaurants bring to mind many doctors and dentists I've visited: cool, calm, and knowledgeable, while I'm being charged a lot of money; but I wonder how much true empathy and understanding there is underneath the surface.
20
As much as your money can buy. True empathy and understanding result from relationships, not transactions. So as long as the super rich insist on transactional relationships, they will pay for what others give freely.
7
Wonderfully written piece. I work in the industry and have the privilege (and curse at times) of seeing both sides of the coin. I think Mr. Frame is correct about most things. Working in the industry myself, I'm certainly not rich, but I've saved my pennies and have had the privilege of eating at some of the best restaurants in the world. I show up in a $20 dress, order some of the least expensive wines on the menu from obscure regions in France and Italy, and I've never once been made to feel less than or like I do not belong in that club. Fine dining servers do not care how much money you make or what you do for a living. They care if you treat them and the staff with respect, and quite frankly, if you tip well. Getting caught up in the pretension of Mr. Frames' profession (when you claim to be a regular diner at 3 star Michelin restaurants) says more about you than it does waiters. Maybe look at how you treat people who wait on you before assuming they're all a bunch of spoiled jerks.
28
And here's the problem faced by the one percent, however oblivious they remain to it. The very people for whose service they pay dearly of necessity alienate themselves emotionally and morally from diners able to drop 4 and 5 figures on an evening's dining. Little by little, the ineluctable dehumanizing of the ninety-nine percent is ensuring that almost everyone will not care about—and probably no longer like—their financially gorged betters. Once the ninety-nine decide they want their humanity back, the one will be astonished at most of the world's indifference. Having demanded uninterrupted, obsequious displays of for so long, they will have come to believe absolute deference to them has been richly deserved and offered sincerely, but fall to the floor at the threshold of death's door, and the one will know what it means to matter to no one at all, not even to the one at the next table.
60
This piece wasn't credible to me. It was about an inauthentic guy writing about inauthentic people. The part about the various reactions to the man who passed out strained belief. Surely someone tried to comfort this poor man, but we've never know it from this piece.
17
Just because your experience hasn't encompassed this sort of behavior doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, particularly in high end service establishments in cities like New York, London, Paris, etc. Having worked in fine dining as well as top hotels - and reading other comments from service industry staff - I can assure you the author's experience is "credible". Don't dismiss other people's realities because they don't fit perfectly with yours.
9
Fantastic analysis by the author of this strange, two-faced profession.
I am 21 year old college student. I spent last summer as a server in a mid-west country club and let me tell you - customers at a restaurant don't grasp of fraction of the effort and anxiety spent in "keeping it nice."
The club members were often rude, sometimes verbally abusive. I often felt like a servant, scurrying around trying to satisfy our patrons' ridiculous whims- things like "gimmie a cookie" were not uncommon. 16 hour days were not uncommon.
For all that ... I still wanted to be good at the job. I fantasized about being "a swan," serving entrees with grace and elegance. Mistakes - such as a spilled Cosmopolitan - shook me to the core. I took it personally when members had a bad experience. I wasn't a great waiter. I panicked easily, forgot wine names, stuttered when confronted. But I always dreamed about perfection - to nullify myself before the waiter-ideal. Sartre would be disappointed in me.
I should say, I made a lot of money - helped with school. And I got more than a few laughs from the experience. But, in my dreams I am still haunted by a sinister voice chanting "raise right, lower left, raise right, lower left ...
I am 21 year old college student. I spent last summer as a server in a mid-west country club and let me tell you - customers at a restaurant don't grasp of fraction of the effort and anxiety spent in "keeping it nice."
The club members were often rude, sometimes verbally abusive. I often felt like a servant, scurrying around trying to satisfy our patrons' ridiculous whims- things like "gimmie a cookie" were not uncommon. 16 hour days were not uncommon.
For all that ... I still wanted to be good at the job. I fantasized about being "a swan," serving entrees with grace and elegance. Mistakes - such as a spilled Cosmopolitan - shook me to the core. I took it personally when members had a bad experience. I wasn't a great waiter. I panicked easily, forgot wine names, stuttered when confronted. But I always dreamed about perfection - to nullify myself before the waiter-ideal. Sartre would be disappointed in me.
I should say, I made a lot of money - helped with school. And I got more than a few laughs from the experience. But, in my dreams I am still haunted by a sinister voice chanting "raise right, lower left, raise right, lower left ...
55
When real community breaks down, as it has in America, what you have left is a world of predation targeting most people (useless college degrees, workplaces that treat their workers as disposable, predatory businesses) and a world of fake community for the very rich. They want to feel special, honored, and looked-up-to, and they are willing to pay top dollar for people from the world of prey to pretend that they care. The experience will, by virtue of its underlying logic, be hollow and dehumanizing for *both* the very rich and the actors they are implicitly hiring. This writer is perceptive and self-aware, though he only captures what is going on on one side of this equation. People need genuine community, and such community is impossible when we live in a world in which economic chasms and a culture of predatory capitalism obviously dehumanizes the preponderance of people and more subtly dehumanizes the very well off. This world comes about when economic and social systems make it so that a very small percentage of people come to control the preponderance of wealth and then leverage that to further come to dominate political and social life, typically without having actually done anything that truly merits their wealth or dominance. Implicitly terrified that they don't deserve what they have gotten, they overcompensate and embrace their domination and an ideology of superstar superiority that pushes the rest of humanity into a social Darwinist nightmare.
56
Peter, plese continue to write on this topic. Excellent analysis.
3
When I was in grad school, I worked at a place in Sacramento that while it probably wouldn't have gotten a star, but if Michelen came to Sacramento it would have gotten a mention. It had the prerequisites, a crazy ego driven chef, an even crazier ego driven owner and an incredibly pretentious sommolier as well as very good food and service.
Anyway, as the new kid on the block, I got the lion's share of the prom tables. I decided to have some fun and pull out all the stops and treat the young people like grownups. I gave them (almost) over the top service, making sure we pulled chairs out, refolded napkins, an extra dessert comped, etc. A lot of these kids had been in with their parents and if not, could afford to eat at K's. I also wanted to assure myself that if I got stiffed it wasn't because of anything I, or my back waiter, did. Lo and behold, these young people started throwing money at me. I was making more off these kids (30 plus per cent tips) than my coworkers were off the drinking adults at the next table with far fewer headaches. And I was having fun. It's not all soulless.
Anyway, as the new kid on the block, I got the lion's share of the prom tables. I decided to have some fun and pull out all the stops and treat the young people like grownups. I gave them (almost) over the top service, making sure we pulled chairs out, refolded napkins, an extra dessert comped, etc. A lot of these kids had been in with their parents and if not, could afford to eat at K's. I also wanted to assure myself that if I got stiffed it wasn't because of anything I, or my back waiter, did. Lo and behold, these young people started throwing money at me. I was making more off these kids (30 plus per cent tips) than my coworkers were off the drinking adults at the next table with far fewer headaches. And I was having fun. It's not all soulless.
62
It's really hard to get a job at such a restaurant. How did the author get the job? My own daughter is a waitress at an upscale restaurant, though not nearly as upscale as this one. A recent college grad who needed to support herself & earn money for grad school, she pounded the pavement for weeks until she landed her job. She is in the lower tier part of the restaurant, for lunch, & she's been promoted to the highest level there. But the evening jobs, which pay more, are largely unavailable. She's worked her butt off but is happy for the money she's earned. Of course she has stories of wealthy clientele. When one works, one has stories of clientele in *every* job. It's a job.
I'm curious about the restaurant's lack of procedure about what to do for the stroke--Isn't injury part of the training? After all, guests do become ill or choke. If not, that's simply something the workplace should institute. Comping the clients close to the stroke is hard-hearted but it's a business call. Any company might do that.
The main thing that sticks out to me is the way this job is sort of treated as a spectacle, not quite real, divorced from need, $ earned, or the recognition that all service jobs can be dreary & have unpleasant customer stories, as though the author always intended to leave & hasn't had other working experience. I wonder if the author is ironically closer in social class to his clientele than to his fellow workers (e.g. if they are the 1%, perhaps he is the 5%?).
I'm curious about the restaurant's lack of procedure about what to do for the stroke--Isn't injury part of the training? After all, guests do become ill or choke. If not, that's simply something the workplace should institute. Comping the clients close to the stroke is hard-hearted but it's a business call. Any company might do that.
The main thing that sticks out to me is the way this job is sort of treated as a spectacle, not quite real, divorced from need, $ earned, or the recognition that all service jobs can be dreary & have unpleasant customer stories, as though the author always intended to leave & hasn't had other working experience. I wonder if the author is ironically closer in social class to his clientele than to his fellow workers (e.g. if they are the 1%, perhaps he is the 5%?).
22
As I read this, I was eating my typical, rural Vermont, lunch. Zucchini and green beans (haricot-verts) sauteed lightly with garlic in olive oil. Boiled new potatoes with thyme. Sweet corn, of course. With a nicely caramelized medium-rare grass-fed steak. The olive oil is the only store purchase. The steak was raised three miles down the road. Everything else was hand selected from my garden minutes before cooking. Total cost in the neighborhood of $10, most of that in the steak.
The rich don't want good food. They want reassurance that they're rich.
The rich don't want good food. They want reassurance that they're rich.
203
What an elaborate ritual that accompanies a meal in a super-expensive restaurant! What extraordinary cynicism that is displayed by Mr. Frame!
The article is reminiscent of George Orwell's experience of working in restaurants, in "Down and Out in Paris and London", and it only lacks mention of the chefs and waiters spitting or sticking fingers into the soup of unpleasant customers.
Mr. Frame's article can serve as a good advice, not to patronize starred eateries.
The article is reminiscent of George Orwell's experience of working in restaurants, in "Down and Out in Paris and London", and it only lacks mention of the chefs and waiters spitting or sticking fingers into the soup of unpleasant customers.
Mr. Frame's article can serve as a good advice, not to patronize starred eateries.
10
Just to put things in perspective, people can be Jerks at every price point. Too many folks out there looking for attention and/or mental health problems but there is money to be made of them & businesses try to do just that. Unfortunately not all services
16
Having worked in fast-food places as a teen, I have to agree with you, and I've noticed that in NYT comments the middle class and working class are not any more charitable than the rich. My daughter and some friends, including a former elite-college roommate, were eating out together when the Occupy Wall Street movement was at the forefront of the news. After making some remarks about the 1%, a couple of the friends noticed that this roommate had been unusually silent, remarking, "You're one of them, aren't you?", to which she received a nod. These kids were roommates for several years and, despite their differing circumstances, still good friends, and I must say that in all that time, including the period during which they lived in an apartment that was basically a hole in the wall, the young lady concerned was always a very nice person. I think that if most of us were to put our jealousy and righteous indignation aside, we would find that many of "the rich" are the same as we, and, given the same situation, I wonder how many of us would be more magnanimous than they.
As for myself, I can make my own dinner that often tastes better and is healthier than even high-end restaurant food, and I don't pay myself $75 per hour. To others who have a half-hour a day to cook, I would recommend Blue Apron, Plated, Hello Fresh, and the like for the purchase of all of the fresh food that is needed to create tasty meals on a budget.
As for myself, I can make my own dinner that often tastes better and is healthier than even high-end restaurant food, and I don't pay myself $75 per hour. To others who have a half-hour a day to cook, I would recommend Blue Apron, Plated, Hello Fresh, and the like for the purchase of all of the fresh food that is needed to create tasty meals on a budget.
2
A scrumptious piece. And thanks for the little tidbits like "guéridon" and the prohibition against allowing the cooked foul's cavities to be visible to the diners. Best wishes with your new career, and remember, if you want to teach writing in addition to producing great work like this, it'll require an MFA or even a PhD from institutions (Columbia, NYU, etc.) funded by the very people you were serving, though it's clear you'll be able to appreciate and transmute the irony.
26
That's called "throwing gold coins to the peasants". As with everything else, thw 1%ers get to decide which institutions, public and private, desrve to thrive.
1
Fine dining is one of the best art forms of our age. I am thankful to everyone involved with its production and it delivery. The exactitude the article describes may not be for everyone. The result, however, is a beautiful experience.
Given all the negative comments, I should add that all these transactions are voluntary and they certainly produce much economic activity in cities with high rents and few opportunities for unskilled labor. We should, and I am, grateful for such service establishments and we are lucky to have them.
Given all the negative comments, I should add that all these transactions are voluntary and they certainly produce much economic activity in cities with high rents and few opportunities for unskilled labor. We should, and I am, grateful for such service establishments and we are lucky to have them.
18
Describing the work of experienced servers as "unskilled" is incredibly condescending.
4
There is a lot of criticism of Mr. Frame's attitude here, that he should be grateful for his cushy, well-paid job serving the super rich, and appreciative of the customers for the big tips rather than the cynicism and disdain he admits to. I have also been a waiter in a fancy restaurant and quit suddenly. I could no longer be a bootlicker for the garish one-percenters at any rate of pay and at my exit never felt so good about myself even while facing an uncertain future. Anything had to be better.
108
I am reminded by this piece that it is often the relatively privileged--house slaves rather than field slaves, urban bureaucrats rather than landless serfs--who start what generally turn out to be catastrophic revolutions.
28
The sooner these guys are replaced by robots, the better.
4
Which ones?
15
I feel the same way, but I suspect you're missing the point. The diners are paying for obsequiousness that comes with the powerless server's awareness that he is completely dependent on the diners' very large stock of self-indulgence and tiny stock of good will.
3
It's a universal fact, sadly, that in times and places of stratification, the social contract of mutual courtesy and decency for their own sakes is replaced by the simulacrum of theatrical courtesy and service. Those aren't bad things, but when one side of the deal is faking it, and the other side is so blinded by arrogance and entitlement that they demand the faking, well...you get decadence.
43
Great read. Do you ever notice how the biggest jerks on the road are the ones that drive the most expensive cars? There's entitlement in these types but I think it covers up something more akin to rage.
20
Polishing glassware! Ambidextrous duck carving! The horror, the horror. No wonder Frame felt unfulfilled and empty. But perhaps he is more like his despised "betters" than he would like to admit: it is a decidedly upper SES expectation, that all work should provide both self-fulfullment and a tidy income.
My husband worked his way through high school delivering Chicken Delight: Frame might be surprised to know that gluttony, drunkeness and sex are not exclusive to the 1%. But no four or five figure checks involved, so his "estranged labor" wasn't additionally fraught with the burden of huge tips. Perhaps it is not "eating like that" that is bad for you: maybe it is the side dish of distain and envy, which the author has clearly sampled.
My husband worked his way through high school delivering Chicken Delight: Frame might be surprised to know that gluttony, drunkeness and sex are not exclusive to the 1%. But no four or five figure checks involved, so his "estranged labor" wasn't additionally fraught with the burden of huge tips. Perhaps it is not "eating like that" that is bad for you: maybe it is the side dish of distain and envy, which the author has clearly sampled.
43
I liked this. But.
1) Three star restaurants should have aspirations to aesthetic perfection. Frame's scorn is a bit as though an opera singer had contempt for the swells in the orchestra. It's not about the audience. It's about knowing that a perfect audience would find the experience perfect. I say this as a teacher. Swine or not, it's pearls you should try to set before them.
2) As a person who eats in actually great restaurants maybe once in five years, I don't now want to think of the experience as this article will inevitably lead me to do.
3) Not entirely though. I am pretty sure that the warm as opposed to impeccable service I've received in my time at some truly great restaurants was genuine. As in opera, impeccablity is the enemy of true warmth.
4) I am skeptical of the collapse story. If true as told, the diner who collapsed should sue. Is it really the case that no one thought to see whether there was a physician present - as there almost certainly was - among all the well-heeled diners? When my son collapsed at a play with vasal-vagal syncope (no big deal) it turned out that there were four physicians in our row!
1) Three star restaurants should have aspirations to aesthetic perfection. Frame's scorn is a bit as though an opera singer had contempt for the swells in the orchestra. It's not about the audience. It's about knowing that a perfect audience would find the experience perfect. I say this as a teacher. Swine or not, it's pearls you should try to set before them.
2) As a person who eats in actually great restaurants maybe once in five years, I don't now want to think of the experience as this article will inevitably lead me to do.
3) Not entirely though. I am pretty sure that the warm as opposed to impeccable service I've received in my time at some truly great restaurants was genuine. As in opera, impeccablity is the enemy of true warmth.
4) I am skeptical of the collapse story. If true as told, the diner who collapsed should sue. Is it really the case that no one thought to see whether there was a physician present - as there almost certainly was - among all the well-heeled diners? When my son collapsed at a play with vasal-vagal syncope (no big deal) it turned out that there were four physicians in our row!
16
Sue them for what? Not stopping him from being a glutton? And any sensible doctor would stay far away, lest he be targeted for a malpractice suit.
Makes me never want to go to 11 Madison.
12
I really enjoyed this piece (and couldn't help thinking of the anecdote about the tiger in the dining room, delivered in The Remains of the Day). Civilization goes hand-in-hand with a fixation upon ideal beauty—something rarified and (mostly) unattainable which helps us transcend our base existence. The big problem with the “beauty”—the elevated dining experience—described by this author, is that it came at the beck and call of big money, and was tied to missing the humanity in others.
Here the author wrote a lot about the selfishness of the pleasure-focused diners; at least some tales of eating-out afford a different, positive story. Some servers do (maybe until they exhaust themselves) seem to focus upon serving other members of humanity, with a pleasure and creativity that seem transcendent. I think these people are folks who really like people (they seem to be gifted from the start). I’ll never forget the guy at the (fast food!) restaurant), who informed me our food was delayed, and then started juggling packages of condiments, to the amazement of my children. I might have complained had he not done this, so maybe he was just preempting my dissatisfaction, but the thing is, he helped all of us feel happier, and we carried that away with us, to whatever came next.
By the way, I shall be super-surprised if my comment is permitted to join the others on the NYT. Writing is therapeutic, so I keep doing it, but the criteria of the "approved" comment remains mysterious....
Here the author wrote a lot about the selfishness of the pleasure-focused diners; at least some tales of eating-out afford a different, positive story. Some servers do (maybe until they exhaust themselves) seem to focus upon serving other members of humanity, with a pleasure and creativity that seem transcendent. I think these people are folks who really like people (they seem to be gifted from the start). I’ll never forget the guy at the (fast food!) restaurant), who informed me our food was delayed, and then started juggling packages of condiments, to the amazement of my children. I might have complained had he not done this, so maybe he was just preempting my dissatisfaction, but the thing is, he helped all of us feel happier, and we carried that away with us, to whatever came next.
By the way, I shall be super-surprised if my comment is permitted to join the others on the NYT. Writing is therapeutic, so I keep doing it, but the criteria of the "approved" comment remains mysterious....
26
I worked as a dishwasher, busboy, cook, and waiter in steak and Mexican food resturants in high school and college. I think most customers would be surprised to learn how many of their waiters and cooks are living on the edge in someway. As others have said, drug use and alcohol abuse is common among resturant staff, especially in waiters. They find the job fits their lifestyle -- sleep in, up late -- provides them with ready cash (tips), and its easy to pick up a shift when you need cash. I was always surprised by how little silverware resturants actually had. As a dishwasher this meant I was constantly being told to wash forks, spoons, etc and as waiter I was constantly angry with the dishwasher for not keeping up. Finally, in lots of ways the dishwasher is the most important person in the resturant. One time a dishwasher at a place I waited tables fell and broke his arm in the middle of a busy Saturday night shift. After he went to the hospital the resturant fell apart -- food got cold because it couldn't be plated and had to be remade, customers got mad because it took forever for them to get their food, bartenders ran out of glasses, waiters lost money as customers walked out. Waiters are there to bear the brunt of the frustration of customers and suffer the most financially when things go wrong, but most of the time the problem of slow service have more to do with the staff behind the scenes than those on the resturant floor.
14
I don't know how many people truly get it. The whole business of restaurants, to some degree or another, is to re-enact aristocracy and royalty. Only this time it is the bourgeoise who are the wealthy. They are playing and paying to act like Franz Joseph and Maria Theresa where they are served by "staff" who bow and kowtow to their every want through perfection of service. The staff do not change places. It is always the minions who do the real work. Bespoke suits and all. Under ripe cherries indeed.
It's all a game, a very expensive game if the stars of Michelin are involved, wherein the fattened rich, the pretentious bourgeoise, the curious one timers, all imagine they are truly in control of the world around them. It is gustatory solipsism. A world of tastes and aromas of affectations. All yours until...
"The check, please." Broadway could learn a thing or two.
It's all a game, a very expensive game if the stars of Michelin are involved, wherein the fattened rich, the pretentious bourgeoise, the curious one timers, all imagine they are truly in control of the world around them. It is gustatory solipsism. A world of tastes and aromas of affectations. All yours until...
"The check, please." Broadway could learn a thing or two.
28
You've nailed it.
2
The super-rich of today are very different from the super-rich of yesteryear. 55 years ago, when I was a caddie at the National Golf Links of America in Southampton, the members were of the super-rich. About 99% of them were gracious and cheerful on the links, and I doubt that behaved like those described in this article. I'm sure they had their foibles, but for the most part kept them to themselves. My job was to carry two bags for 18 holes, mark where the ball went and sometimes suggest a club and the best angle into the green. It was wonderful.
14
I once worked as a photographer at a dinner party given by one of America's wealthiest families. At any other party or wedding where I worked I would be provided with a meal because I had to remain present for the entire evening and could not take a break. And in this regard they did not disappoint. I was given a tuna fish sandwich.
45
I was a waiter/bartender at a restaurant in an exclusive location in Tokyo. We were frequented by many of the types recounted in this piece: bankers, expats, CEOs, celebrities and generally wealthy people.
I was always amused by how they could be totally absorbed when watching manual labor. I could bring the whole bar to a quiet standstill by carving a pineapple or quickly making several drinks in a row with precision.
Other than that, my customers were simply wealthier versions of many people I've met otherwise...they fell in and out of love in the restaurant, went on nervous first dates, made occasional inappropriate comments, and some were also genuinely interested in those who served them night after night.
I was always amused by how they could be totally absorbed when watching manual labor. I could bring the whole bar to a quiet standstill by carving a pineapple or quickly making several drinks in a row with precision.
Other than that, my customers were simply wealthier versions of many people I've met otherwise...they fell in and out of love in the restaurant, went on nervous first dates, made occasional inappropriate comments, and some were also genuinely interested in those who served them night after night.
19
For several years, I worked as a head-hunter for investment banks, private equity firms, etc. On either side of that job, I worked at a big, midtown steakhouse that catered to the investment banks that surrounded it. For us, sport was overhearing them describe the premium vodkas they drank ("Just try this. It's made from MONKS in Belgium"), blissfully unaware of the bartenders' nightly ritual of refilling the bottles with Fleischmann's. Not one complaint in the years I worked there.
For us, this behavior was the canary in the coal mine of Wall Street. We saw more dinners morph drunkenly from the pretense of business to back-slapping red-faced 'partying'.
The number of customers who actually tasted and appreciated what they were eating and drinking was strikingly small. For the most part, this was just another place to pass around the tombstones for the deal they'd just done. On to the next one. The privilege was nauseating.
When Lehman collapsed, and Wall Street contracted, it could not have been less surprising. When none went to jail, it couldn't have been more. The sheer lack of humility, class, or manners at that level of society is astounding.
For us, this behavior was the canary in the coal mine of Wall Street. We saw more dinners morph drunkenly from the pretense of business to back-slapping red-faced 'partying'.
The number of customers who actually tasted and appreciated what they were eating and drinking was strikingly small. For the most part, this was just another place to pass around the tombstones for the deal they'd just done. On to the next one. The privilege was nauseating.
When Lehman collapsed, and Wall Street contracted, it could not have been less surprising. When none went to jail, it couldn't have been more. The sheer lack of humility, class, or manners at that level of society is astounding.
70
I worked as a cook in a popular upscale coffee shop in Flagstaff. One morning, as I put the day's specials on the chalkboard next to the pastry counter, our first customer, a woman in a full-length mink coat, barreled in through the door, desperate for her latte. She slammed me into the chalkboard and kept going. No apology. All she said was, "You don't have any croissants?"
9
I guess you could have offered her cake. What a dreadful woman.
2
What century is this?
10
One ripe for revolution.
7
My nephew the waiter has lots of colorful stories to tell. Some are about those customers who make a regular habit of complaining bitterly about some part of the meal, in the expectation that management will comp part or all of their meal to appease them. My friend says you can often spot these people early on, and the waiters always alert the manager that moochers are on the floor. Unfortunately, the tactic is still often successful, since management just wants these people to shut up and leave.
Waiting tables is physically demanding and stressful work, whether it is at a three-star restaurant or Joe's Diner. Leave a good tip.
Waiting tables is physically demanding and stressful work, whether it is at a three-star restaurant or Joe's Diner. Leave a good tip.
31
There was a woman in Boston I'll never forget. She had a genuine heart for hospitality. It was amazing to watch the way she affected people. She was the real thing. Not in it for the money, in fact I watched her refuse tips many times. My daughter was a toddler when we used to go to the restaurant and now as a teenager she still remembers her. The place was nice, but not high end. I don't know what happened, but when we went back to the restaurant to find she was gone, it was like the very soul of the place had left.
16
Firstly, and most importantly, everyone should take pride in a job done well. Even a simple job of putting a plate on a table seems easy and effortless to those who have never tried it in front of eight very judgmental people.
My thoughts go to receptive jobs that are really awful and demeaning. I read about the caste, in India, who clean up human excrement at public facilities. A, "job well done", takes you only so far. Eventually, even in a swanky, pretentious restaurant, you tire of the poop.
My thoughts go to receptive jobs that are really awful and demeaning. I read about the caste, in India, who clean up human excrement at public facilities. A, "job well done", takes you only so far. Eventually, even in a swanky, pretentious restaurant, you tire of the poop.
7
This piece is neither an expose or illuminating to anyone whose has spent any time in the restaurant industry. A few years back, in between jobs and careers, I took a job as a line cook in a gourmet gastropub in a tourist town. I was appalled at the income disparity between cooks (back of the house - a pejorative term indeed) and the service staff (front of the house). In my state, servers make the same base pay as I did (a high one by national standards) and would bring home hundreds (or more) a week in tips. Many of these folks make enough to buy homes and nice cars, something a line cook can never do on the wages we received. In theory, servers are supposed to 'tip out' the BOH, but in reality they protect those tips like Gollum and the Ring. As a result I almost never tip my server anymore. Instead, I walk back to the kitchen and tip the people who actually do all the work in a restaurant. (and yes, I've heard all the feigned arguments about how terrible working the FOH is, but none of them really hold any water vis-a-vis the actually labor effort involved.
In short, I have little sympathy for this author and while this might read sour grapes to the reader, I never once put any on a plate for my servers who received all the praise at the table.
In short, I have little sympathy for this author and while this might read sour grapes to the reader, I never once put any on a plate for my servers who received all the praise at the table.
18
Sour grapes it is!
2
To all the earnest readers, thank you very much for the geography lesson about the wine growing regions of France, hope life continues to be kind enough to let you pursue your interests in drinking wine from either or both regions, for me my pursuit is decerning the taste of my 3rd glass
11
For sure! In the end, how many enjoy over-elaborate meals, where sheer variety and elaborateness are all that most diners appreciate, and where conversation is flat--even their food comments.
We have water sommeliers.
Salt consultants.
Choices of ground pepper.
Once, London's and the Mainland's finest restaurants did not indulge in such nonsense. And mealtime conversation could be rather good. Making much about little, reminds us of Andersen's rascally tailors who made the Emperor's clothes. Isn't that MOMA's whole game? Must be sth. in Copenhagen's air.
We have water sommeliers.
Salt consultants.
Choices of ground pepper.
Once, London's and the Mainland's finest restaurants did not indulge in such nonsense. And mealtime conversation could be rather good. Making much about little, reminds us of Andersen's rascally tailors who made the Emperor's clothes. Isn't that MOMA's whole game? Must be sth. in Copenhagen's air.
4
Dear Edward --
This is THE best piece on "the 1%" I have ever read! You are a wonderful writer and you have done the 1% (and the rest of us ;o) a valuable service by letting us know the skinny on the fat-cats! XOX
This is THE best piece on "the 1%" I have ever read! You are a wonderful writer and you have done the 1% (and the rest of us ;o) a valuable service by letting us know the skinny on the fat-cats! XOX
10
"Dinner and Deception: Serving elaborate meals to the super-rich left me feeling empty."
Creating, preparing or serving good food is a fulfilling, honorable profession.
However, why would anyone think that serving the super-rich, the Donald Trumps of the world, most of whom are a bunch of self-serving empty suits, will somehow fulfill you? I'd feel more fulfilled serving $1 hamburgers to the super-poor at McDonalds than I would serving elaborate meals to the super-rich (thank goodness I don't have to do either).
Creating, preparing or serving good food is a fulfilling, honorable profession.
However, why would anyone think that serving the super-rich, the Donald Trumps of the world, most of whom are a bunch of self-serving empty suits, will somehow fulfill you? I'd feel more fulfilled serving $1 hamburgers to the super-poor at McDonalds than I would serving elaborate meals to the super-rich (thank goodness I don't have to do either).
4
As I scrolled through the comments I got a kick out how many people focused on the "left-bank" "right-bank" issue. Geez louise, is that really that important to the theme of the article?
2
This was a beautifully written piece. Reminds me of Glass Mountain, Cynthia Voight's delightful fictional take on the life of an East Side butler.
4
Very well written piece of insight into a world I've only seen very rarely and only for very special occasions but I suppose many $$$ notches lower given some of the bills noted. Judging by some of the comments I think this opinion being published on a Sunday found some NYT readers that represent the worse of clientele you served. Very enjoyable to see their reactions to being called out. I also wonder if there were any doctors among the clientele when the man had the stroke? I guess not. Oh, but wait, maybe they are among the 2% but not the 1%.
12
I don't make enough money to go to a restaurant like the one described but if I did, I've lost my appetite already. Could you really enjoy the evening wrapped up in all that pretense? Gives me indigestion just thinking about it.
17
Authentic service people want to provide customers with a good experience.
15
A fascinating read. Reminds me of when I managed a luxury condo building with very rich tenants. I've met many poor and homeless people with better manners than some of those tenants.
But I also got a look into the pressures they faced -- since they have the financial means, there is an expectation that they "have it all", and experience the best and the most of what their wealth can buy in a first-class city. I didn't expect such rich people to be so often frustrated and unhappy.
I wouldn't have traded my life with any of them. But I wouldn't mind trying their income for a while to see how I handle it!
But I also got a look into the pressures they faced -- since they have the financial means, there is an expectation that they "have it all", and experience the best and the most of what their wealth can buy in a first-class city. I didn't expect such rich people to be so often frustrated and unhappy.
I wouldn't have traded my life with any of them. But I wouldn't mind trying their income for a while to see how I handle it!
19
this piece is bunk and demonstrates the author has no passion for his chosen career. I suggest he looks for another job.
9
He already did. He quit to go to grad school. I never get how people can make strong comments on an article when it's apparent they didn't read the whole thing.
6
I believe he did find another job. He went to graduate school.
3
Guess you didn't read to the end. He quit and went to grad school. So... no, I suppose he didn't have that passion.
C'mon people read the story if you want to comment.
C'mon people read the story if you want to comment.
7
Clearly, some of you are upset because this person popped your bubble. Anyone appalled at how people reacted to a man who may have died?
16
I am skeptical that they reacted that way. It's a good story though.
1
As interesting (and well-written) as this piece is, I find more surprises in the many and varied comments it has elicited. No one seems to have a detached and dispassionate opinion of restaurant service, whether he experiences it on a regular basis or infrequently and for "special occasions". It can be a test in civility, no matter which side of the napkin you are on, and many, if not most, fail the test.
I would remind readers, though, that the essay was a response to a challenge put forth by the Times to create a story which would "surprise" readers. Watch this space. I am sure there are more hair-raising surprises yet to come!
I would remind readers, though, that the essay was a response to a challenge put forth by the Times to create a story which would "surprise" readers. Watch this space. I am sure there are more hair-raising surprises yet to come!
14
Yes it's quite a Rorschach test, isn't it!
5
What really struck me first is that the desire to do a job perfectly, to be in "flow" explains why workers would stay at Amazon, or other high stress/exploitative jobs, and why they look down on people who quit. burn out or are forced out.
Work really can provide meaning. But then the point of the work intrudes. Is perfectly serving an endless collection of narcissists the meaning of life? Downton Abbey indeed.
But then again, the Downton upstairs "folks" had redeeming qualities and in "funny" ways were loyal to those downstairs. Is there no one here who qualifies? Maybe not. Clearly many Times readers' only concern is to put down Mr Frame's knowledge of wines. Not quite the point of the article.
So what of the man who had the stroke/heart attack? Someone DID call an ambulance; as far as we are told, no one tried CPR. The manager turned up the music. The author knows the man survived. To the author this is the final straw and judgement on the world he describes. To many readers, it is a sign of the author's uncaring.
I'm not sure we are in any position to make moral judgments about the man, the manager, the restaurant or the author without a great deal more detail. This is a mirror where you see what YOU want.
Work really can provide meaning. But then the point of the work intrudes. Is perfectly serving an endless collection of narcissists the meaning of life? Downton Abbey indeed.
But then again, the Downton upstairs "folks" had redeeming qualities and in "funny" ways were loyal to those downstairs. Is there no one here who qualifies? Maybe not. Clearly many Times readers' only concern is to put down Mr Frame's knowledge of wines. Not quite the point of the article.
So what of the man who had the stroke/heart attack? Someone DID call an ambulance; as far as we are told, no one tried CPR. The manager turned up the music. The author knows the man survived. To the author this is the final straw and judgement on the world he describes. To many readers, it is a sign of the author's uncaring.
I'm not sure we are in any position to make moral judgments about the man, the manager, the restaurant or the author without a great deal more detail. This is a mirror where you see what YOU want.
16
Very nice essay. I hope you can be proud of your skill at this - it's always impressive to see an excellent server at work.
12
That's not the point.
1
Sorry, I didn't find anything surprising or interesting here. What could you possibly expect for this sort of job and experience? Although the article is well written, the author is simply announcing that he didn't like the job after all even if well paid, and chose another career path - like innumerable other people have done.
11
This story brings up my urge to tell the story of another Maitre d'hotel and waiter at an exclusive club restaurant near my place. I love the food and the atmosphere. This particular man, who has been working there for over 30 years, has always been the comforting presence there. He is professional, discreet, with a good sense of humor, never overbearing, and seemingly a caring person. He suggests dishes that are "better today than the others", and chats friendlily with patrons but not fawns over them. This is a place I go to for most of the important occasions in my life - a promotion, a birthday, a birth. My 7-year-old daughter invited me there for a tete-a-tete birthday dinner when everyone else was out of town, and was so cute to order my favorite dish for me. (I paid the bill of course as she found out inevitably that didn't have enough pocket money).
This is more than a restaurant for me and he is much more than a professional waiter. It is a place that associates with some of the happiest memories in my life.
Food, and restaurants, can do that for people.
(PS, I and my friends occasionally go to 3-star restaurants because we love the food and the atmosphere. We are professors, not 1%ers.)
This is more than a restaurant for me and he is much more than a professional waiter. It is a place that associates with some of the happiest memories in my life.
Food, and restaurants, can do that for people.
(PS, I and my friends occasionally go to 3-star restaurants because we love the food and the atmosphere. We are professors, not 1%ers.)
28
One wonders if Mr. Frame's customers could see that huge chip on his shoulder? It would be hard to hide and probably resulted is less tips for his team.
13
The chip couldn't have been that big if he was promoted to captain in 8 months while many others waited years for such a promotion.
7
I seriously doubt they saw anything as they considered him invisible…..
9
What chip?
It sounds like he was conscientious, prompt, hardworking, and a team player. I bet he was a great server and that it was a pleasure to be seated at his table. All he did was describe a few especially memorable events and let us draw our own conclusions, which I did. It sounds like you recognized yourself in this article—as a customer...maybe one of the ones at the bar, perhaps?
It sounds like he was conscientious, prompt, hardworking, and a team player. I bet he was a great server and that it was a pleasure to be seated at his table. All he did was describe a few especially memorable events and let us draw our own conclusions, which I did. It sounds like you recognized yourself in this article—as a customer...maybe one of the ones at the bar, perhaps?
6
Clearly this job was not for you. Perhaps before you apply for your next job, you should clean up your Linkedin profile so the name of the restaurant no longer appears. One click on Google folks. Pity should you find yourself in a job interview with any of the regular diners there.
15
It is odd how luxurious experiences are so much the same. Something about catering to our most expensive tastes and desires results in a certain homogenization of the experience itself. The best restaurants, the finest hotels, the most exclusive clubs, the best boutiques and shops; the list of experiences that have been "luxified" (new word?) could go on and on. It's a heady experience at first, but in the end luxury makes everything the same. It is mere connoisseurship, nothing more.
13
I was chopping a firm onion in my kitchen this afternoon and got the job done in no time flat. As I was working on it, I recalled Josephine, an assistant manager of a Pizza Hut in Caddo Parish, La., in the early 1990s, where I worked delivering pizzas. We drivers chopped and diced onions and bell peppers between deliveries.
Late one evening, as I was struggling with a recalcitrant onion, Josephine came over, took the knife from my hand, and showed me how it was done. This modest ability has served me well ever since--sometimes even surprising some of my friends and acquaintances--and I owe it to a woman who has probably never set foot even in the kitchens of a restaurant like the one described in this very disagreeable piece.
Late one evening, as I was struggling with a recalcitrant onion, Josephine came over, took the knife from my hand, and showed me how it was done. This modest ability has served me well ever since--sometimes even surprising some of my friends and acquaintances--and I owe it to a woman who has probably never set foot even in the kitchens of a restaurant like the one described in this very disagreeable piece.
24
I've waited tables at two very different places. The first was a chain pizza restaurant where the bill for a meal was often $10-20. The second was a more upscale restaurant in a casino, where the bills were often in the triple digits. Something I think would surprise customers is the role of drugs and alcohol in many of these workplaces. Maybe Mr. Frame's restaurant was an exception because of how upscale it was, but at both of the restaurants I've worked at I'd say anywhere between 20-45% or possibly even more of the staff show up to work drunk or high. This creates an added aspect of the "make believe" mentioned in this article. The wait staff is careful not to let customers know that they aren't sober. Some of the managers must also be kept in the dark, but other managers know and even partake themselves in getting drunk or high before work or during breaks. In the case of my first job at the pizza place, one of the shift managers actually sold weed to many of the employees. My friends and family who have worked in restaurants tell me similar stories. I am now suspicious of every worker I see when I dine out. But I'm also sympathetic; restaurant work is stressful in unique ways. Some workers use drugs and alcohol to manage the stress.
16
So many of the comments here remind me of the time a man driving around a corner almost hit my husband and dog as they walked in a cross walk. The man stopped in time and my husband swore at him when he told him to watch out. The man was incensed someone would speak to him that way -- never mind the situation could have been avoided in its entirety if he had only behaved with a little thoughtfulness.
The author here may sound judgmental, but it could just be shock and horror speaking. Focus on the message, not the messenger.
The author here may sound judgmental, but it could just be shock and horror speaking. Focus on the message, not the messenger.
16
Immediately brought back an experience some 20 yrs ago at a famous (appetizers started at $80!) restaurant in a major Italian city people told us not to miss: While dining w/my brother and sister-in law, a young impeccably dressed Japanese couple (obviously celebrating a recent wedding) was seated near us. Shortly after the young wife left the table perhaps to use the restroom, I noticed she had collapsed at an empty table nearby. My brother, a physician, rose to help, placing her on a nearby bench. Fortunately, she seemed to have had an overreaction to some wine. The husband kept bowing to my brother, thanking him for his help. But, NOT ONE PERSON from the restaurant ever came to inquire what had happened, or if she was okay, etc. We realized it was because it probably would have spoiled the dining experience for the other guests. Now I understand who has priority and why. I thought that in a US restaurant it would have been different (at least worried about being sued), but sadly from this article not likely if you're dining as a 1%er.
16
is it me, or does this sound creepy?
15
My thought is that Mr. Frame's piece is another side of Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential." Call it "The Dining Room." Well written piece. My one thought is why no one broke stride to help the customer who collapsed. No CPR? No nothing? By anyone? Bueller, Bueller?
21
My fine-dining brethren will get a familiar chill in reading this article – but my blood began to boil in reading some of the negative comments. I never understand that whenever waiters speak any version of their truth, be it positive or negative, the polarizing effect it has on people who’ve never waited a table. This writer isn’t complaining about his job so much as delivering straight reporting. All of the situations he’s writing about I’ve witnessed or have been a part of in one form or another, including the gravely ill patron, and on more than one occasion too.
Are there people I’ve waited on who I liked, admired and have developed sincere relationships with? Absolutely. But the good doesn’t negate the bad, as evidenced by those commenters who trash this guy based simply on whatever it is they’re bringing to the table. What these commenters aren’t taking into account is waiters are trying to keep the plates of multiple personalities spinning, and are attempting to do so in a way that makes every guest feel uniquely special. Keep in mind that while we’re engaging with a guest, all smiling and empathetic, ten other things need to be happening NOW. So give the guy a break. He went back to school, got out of that restaurant, and wrote about it in a way that may be incomplete, but that this long time waiter feels is still truthful.
Are there people I’ve waited on who I liked, admired and have developed sincere relationships with? Absolutely. But the good doesn’t negate the bad, as evidenced by those commenters who trash this guy based simply on whatever it is they’re bringing to the table. What these commenters aren’t taking into account is waiters are trying to keep the plates of multiple personalities spinning, and are attempting to do so in a way that makes every guest feel uniquely special. Keep in mind that while we’re engaging with a guest, all smiling and empathetic, ten other things need to be happening NOW. So give the guy a break. He went back to school, got out of that restaurant, and wrote about it in a way that may be incomplete, but that this long time waiter feels is still truthful.
253
I know. If it's not their experience, it can't be true. This is my world and my experiences completely reflect this story.
19
Do you share his views toward most regulars, and generally consider them to be jerks (even if they tip well)? Pretty sad if what he says is true, but again I suppose that's just part of the deception.
1
Absolutely! I worked in fine dining in grad school, although never on this level. I recognize much of what the writer describes. The importance of illusion. Every table is a stage and each guest is expecting a performance created especially for them. Wait staff really have only one chance to get each performance right, and the audience will let you know right away if you don't. It is stressful and difficult work. I took up smoking as an outlet for the contempt in which I held several of my regular customers, who could be rude, insulting and often drunk. If the experience taught me anything, it was humility and how to not to be an intoleratable customer.
6
Well it's nice to see what money can buy. Waiting tables was a fun and fulfilling work experience for me. Where I worked, we turned the tables three times in one evening and the wait was sometimes 2 hours or more. I made more money waiting tables than I did my first year of teaching and worked alongside so many interesting people including an opera singer, professional lifetime waiters, other teachers, and more. One of the most interesting things we observed was a couple who went at it right there at the table "covered" by her expensive full length mink coat under which she was completely nude! The busers really got a kick out of that! It seemed like the whole operation just came to a halt once word got around about what was going on. Waiting on people offered immediate gratification for a job well done . Some diners did treat us with contempt; most were gracious and I was grateful. If I had my youthful, physical energy I would still be waiting tables, but working late at night and coming home in the wee hours takes a toll. Be kind and generous to your waiters and waitresses!
41
Mr. Frame's point is that, for a price, he became a cog in the machinery of his own oppression, insulating the superrich and erasing his own self as his paycheck grew. The wise recognize the moment of liberation. For Frame, it's the near death of a total jerk and Frame's realization that, at least while he's 'on the job,' he has joined the asylum. I'm glad to see that his graduate degree is in Social Research. Seems he has already earned a PhD of sorts.
44
The New School doesn't just teach classes in Social Research. They cover the entire range of learning.
I took Introduction to Accounting there.
I took Introduction to Accounting there.
1
I enjoyed this essay. It was well written and gave me a glance inside the head of a professional server who took his job seriously and played a role, night after night, that worked for the establishment and the customers. We all get jaded in our jobs. No need to be so hard on Mr. Frame. It's hard not to feel disgust when humanity comes to a halt around you. I wish you well and hope to read more from you.
44
I've never eaten in a restaurant quite that fancy. Interesting and fun article, though. One thing not mentioned..does the food taste any good? Not that it matters, I guess.
5
If the author plans on remaing in academia and teaching after receiving an advanced degree, he will immediately recognize some of those customers he used to serve dinner to, only this time they will. Be called students.
10
Working the back of the house can be weirdly Zen also. Trying to shave nanoseconds off each single action while maintaining quality is all consuming and this is true ego-lessness. Great piece of writing captures the paradox of some jobs.
22
This article states the obvious, serving the super rich will always make you feel empty whatever the service. It is serving those who are less fortunate that brings satisfaction.
76
Love these middle class jokers who wear expensive suits - bought for them by management - as though it gives them license to judge the books by their covers. As a regular patron at a restaurant we saw a man come in regularly with a very pretty woman, half his age. For weeks we speculated on the “hooker or daughter” game. Turns out it was his daughter and the guy was a pretty decent fellow. Enough that years later he became my best man. I once told him about our "game"... he was not amused.
My advice to the Mr. Frame's of the world... Just serve the food and try not to be a jerk.
My advice to the Mr. Frame's of the world... Just serve the food and try not to be a jerk.
15
For a guy who apparently was part of the same food service world, my advice to you is "back atcha." No need for snark or superior attitude because that's being a jerk.
8
He makes no qualitative statements on the guests. He only (very eloquently) describes his role and how it made him feel. Buying your own expensive suits does not give YOU the right to be a jerk.
14
Alas, welcome to the "new economy"- shamefully reminiscent of that of the Gilded Age.
17
Grad school is the perfect destination for Mr. Frame. It's the refuge for many people who can't face the reality of life and want to extend childhood for few more years. Imagine life is not all fun and games and work by golly sometimes is work - tedious, taxing, boring, frustrating, etc... unpleasant. I think of my grandparents who struggled through the depression and then the war or modern day workers in Asian or Latin American sweatshops. Bet those workers would love to earn $100K a year in a climate controlled environment with meals and no great threat of bodily harm. Poor Mr. Frame.
18
You seem bitter and traumatized.
Hope you can find some happiness somewhere.
Hope you can find some happiness somewhere.
9
That's a pretty broad brush you are using on grad schools and those who go to them. My fourteen months in grad school (plus another twelve doing the required writing) were exhausting physically, intellectually, and financially. They were great months; the results were worth the efforts and the very hard work.
4
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Reminds me of my sister's description of the breakfast service at an haute San Francisco hotel frequented by film celebrities. She was a culinary arts student who approached serving table like a graduate course in psychology. Guests who visited the breakfast service were usually convivial, sometimes charming, poor to excellent tippers. Some were rude (she named names), some incredibly delightful. All the servers agreed that Michael Caine was the best of the best.
Her takeaway from that job was realizing that kindness and generosity from people, when there is nothing in it for them, speaks to the character of an individual. A lesson for us all. . .
Her takeaway from that job was realizing that kindness and generosity from people, when there is nothing in it for them, speaks to the character of an individual. A lesson for us all. . .
70
That's an old truth: you can judge a person by how they treat a waiter, cab driver, doorman...
Michael Caibe has always been a favorite of mine. Glad to hear he's actually a good person!
Michael Caibe has always been a favorite of mine. Glad to hear he's actually a good person!
11
No mention of pay or tips? That would have been interesting, and might have provoked more comments from those doing dirtier or more demeaning work for much less.
8
The real lesson in this story is that it's not about the money.
3
Is compensation in direct proportion to getting dirty or demeaned?
But I love well done theatre, well executed dressage & beautiful ballet.
Good luck to Mr. Frame & thank you.
Good luck to Mr. Frame & thank you.
12
Bravo, Mr. Frame on your beautifully written essay. None of this surprises me because I've read articles about waitstaff spitting on food, etc. when guests are demanding and obnoxious so I'm very polite! This essay also reminded me of David Brook's editorial on enjoying cheaper hotels more because he gets grumpy at expensive hotels because his expectations are so high. I feel the same way, especially at expensive restaurants, although this one is way out of my league. Plus, I can't imagine anything competing with my husband's salmon on the Big Green Egg in our backyard in Arizona. And, we don't even look down on our guests (who I'm quite sure deserve the disdain at the restaurant in the essay)!
3
This is a fabulous piece Mr. Frame.
14
Playing the role of Captain at a top tier restaurant is an act of art. A role. An actor in a play. A play that a customer is paying top dollar to participate in. I have keenly observed exactly how restaurants operate and the role each person plays. At its best, its a precise dance - not different then a ballet.
To help ensure the quality of execution expected by the customer, the restaurant only charges about 80% of what they expect to be paid. This is the wait staffs incentive. An incentive they gladly accept.
Contempt for your boss is one thing. Contempt for your customer another.
Mr. Frame worked at Eleven Madison Park (according to his public Linked In Profile) for only 16 Months. He took their training. He took their money. And, he proudly proclaims on his resume:
"Managed a four-person service team; participated in wine education program. Captain is the highest rank in the restaurant's service hierarchy"
He appears proud of his work at Eleven Madison Park.
As an occasional customer at high end restaurants I expect service commensurate with what I am paying, discretion, and respect. Mr. Frame fails on two out of three.
To help ensure the quality of execution expected by the customer, the restaurant only charges about 80% of what they expect to be paid. This is the wait staffs incentive. An incentive they gladly accept.
Contempt for your boss is one thing. Contempt for your customer another.
Mr. Frame worked at Eleven Madison Park (according to his public Linked In Profile) for only 16 Months. He took their training. He took their money. And, he proudly proclaims on his resume:
"Managed a four-person service team; participated in wine education program. Captain is the highest rank in the restaurant's service hierarchy"
He appears proud of his work at Eleven Madison Park.
As an occasional customer at high end restaurants I expect service commensurate with what I am paying, discretion, and respect. Mr. Frame fails on two out of three.
21
So if you pay more you are entitled to more discretion and respect? If I go to a diner, little or no discretion and respect? Mr. Frame didn't name names here, which would have been problematic. I don't think you bought eternal silence from Mr. Frame on the subject of his work because you paid a lot for your meal.
28
Slavery waas outlawed in the 1860s. If you need discretion from your servers, perhaps you should shun public places. Bad behavior isn't excused because you overpaid for your meal.
14
As a former restaurant waiter at a fancy Boston joint, I can only say that the customer gets genuine respect when the customer is respectful himself. There are so many jerks out there, loaded with money but lacking in class, that treat waiters like servants and not as professionals. It was an such an unexpected joy to get a classy customer that lavish service was hence dispensed. Other customers got pretend respect and perfunctional service. ("I think our server may have forgotten our water, could you check, please?" Vs. "We asked for water five minutes ago dammit. Where is he?") Ah, but so much of the latter.
11
What a well written piece! The style reflected the substance; well paced, unfeeling, nice. You and the customers - estranged, exactly. I wasn't sure how it was going to go. By the end of the article, I would not have been surprised if you had smuggled in a gun and shot them all. That's so excellent that you did such a good job, and then quit and moved on. Clive Owen could play your part.
13
I hope the the New York District Attorney looks into how the staff at the restaurant mistreated the stroke victim and brings charges of criminal negligence against them immediately.
8
This is an interesting piece, but not particularly surprising. I'm glad the author got into the New School, and I have to presume he's working toward his MFA in creative non-fiction. As such, this is a good piece, well workshopped, "balanced," etc. But it's also too smooth around the edges, not particularly daring. Surely Mr. Frame must have understood the demographic he was serving when he took the job? I think the eventual "dissatisfaction" is a framework meant to hold the narrative, the best bits of which are descriptions and mechanics of the moving pieces of a top-tier restaurant. I think what happened is that he took the job, worked there for a while, got into graduate school, left (relieved, no doubt), and then used his experience in workshop. There is *nothing* wrong with this, but let's not pretend this was a journey made with blinders on. If the near-death of a patron was so bad, why not leave that night?
11
Any situation where one of the parties must be assumed to be your "betters" automatically ruins it for the other.
6
I used to have three requirement for the ideal waiter at my table. That HE be older than I, better dressed than I, and not tell me his name. Now with the passage of time the first requirement is difficult to meet. The third has been difficult for some time as well.
As for Mr. Frame and has fellow servers, I really could care less if they get a "high" from doing their job. Especially if they regard regular customers as jerks.
As for Mr. Frame and has fellow servers, I really could care less if they get a "high" from doing their job. Especially if they regard regular customers as jerks.
3
We're all just pieces to you, aren't we?
5
Seems to me that anyone who spends four or five figures for dinner automatically qualifies as a jerk. What a waste of time and money.
2
I don't see the make believe in a professional doing a job well, one which most of us could not possibly do without years of training and experience. on the contrary, I stand in awe of those men and women "in service" who bring dignity and civility to a world desperately in need of it.
14
I want to hear back from him after completing his (unnamed) grad program. I doubt he'll report being fulfilled in life. Whiners are never satisfied.
14
It seems to me that this article tells me more about the author than it does about the diners. Most high-end restaurants serve a range of customers. Some are wealthy people who dine there because they can. Others are destination diners who choose to devote a significant percentage of their less-mindboggling income to exploring new food experiences. Others fall into neither category but have chosen to splurge for a night to celebrate a special occasion. And that's just a broad first cut -- in my experience, there is as much variation within those categories as there is across them.
With such a wide and varied clientele, people who work in restaurants tend to see what they expect to see, or maybe what they want to see. I've known servers who tell stories about the young couple who came in to celebrate a big promotion, or the fun table full of food nerds, or the guy who ordered the stupendously expensive bottle of wine that no one who knows wine would ever have purchased. Sometimes those servers even work at the same restaurant. And if all they see, night after night, is stupidity and gluttony and excess, they're probably best off not working there any more.
With such a wide and varied clientele, people who work in restaurants tend to see what they expect to see, or maybe what they want to see. I've known servers who tell stories about the young couple who came in to celebrate a big promotion, or the fun table full of food nerds, or the guy who ordered the stupendously expensive bottle of wine that no one who knows wine would ever have purchased. Sometimes those servers even work at the same restaurant. And if all they see, night after night, is stupidity and gluttony and excess, they're probably best off not working there any more.
22
Sorry, but I think I'll stick with the ribs I get at Mo' Wallace Barbeque. James, the owner, greets me every time I come in. We talk about our lives, families, catch up on local gossip. Oh, yeah, I get a great rack of superbly smoked ribs with two sides -- more than enough for my wife and me -- for around 20 bucks.
Forget the faux; eat at Mo's.
Forget the faux; eat at Mo's.
13
We (my wife and I) own a middle sized restaurant in a middle sized Midwestern port town by Lake Superior. Relation between servers and customers is one of our knottiest problems. It is almost impossible for both sides to keep their disdain for one another veiled. It is a metaphor for our current societal milieu. Donald Trump is daily utterly outdone. [numerous examples inserted here put me over the character limit.]
In the meantime, management spends way to much time trying to put out the resultant fires: giving gift certificates, placating Yelpers with emails, writing up staff, counseling employees.
The types currently attracted to service are artists, students, musicians and slackers. None of those has particular predilection or penchant for social philanthropy.
Both customer and server are prisoners of the same system - one which fosters self absorption, arrogance and disrespect for others.
As restaurant owners, we concentrate on providing an environmentally responsible product at a cost most can afford. We feel abused by the tip convention because if servers cannot manage to be "nice" then we pay (the free drink, the free dessert, a gift certificate).
My partner is dreading the new minimum wage laws because she fears for our business. I am looking forward to them because - in the future, either ordering will be done by cell phone and delivery by drone - or, servers will be non-tipped proper employees just like everyone else. And they will be under our control.
In the meantime, management spends way to much time trying to put out the resultant fires: giving gift certificates, placating Yelpers with emails, writing up staff, counseling employees.
The types currently attracted to service are artists, students, musicians and slackers. None of those has particular predilection or penchant for social philanthropy.
Both customer and server are prisoners of the same system - one which fosters self absorption, arrogance and disrespect for others.
As restaurant owners, we concentrate on providing an environmentally responsible product at a cost most can afford. We feel abused by the tip convention because if servers cannot manage to be "nice" then we pay (the free drink, the free dessert, a gift certificate).
My partner is dreading the new minimum wage laws because she fears for our business. I am looking forward to them because - in the future, either ordering will be done by cell phone and delivery by drone - or, servers will be non-tipped proper employees just like everyone else. And they will be under our control.
17
That's a really good insight. That's why I hire strictly for personality and natural empathy.
1
Interesting that as a restaurant owner, you feel 'abused' by the tipping convention. I am with you on my opinion of raising the federal minimum wage. I think all types of service will get better at the lower end of the services spectrum.
I don't think it's been mentioned that in France, no matter what the class of restaurant, service is included in the bill. Let's switch to that.
3
This was an interesting look at high-end "hospitality" that, for this reader, conjured more than one scene from "American Psycho."
6
As one of the occasional diners in 3-strar restaurants for which Mr. Frame harbored barely concealed contempt while he pocketed a six-figure income of generous tips I would simply point out that if all he could feel for a man who dined with your restaurant 150 times as he lay dying on the floor was "pity", if is Mr. Frame who is the "jerk".
47
It is said that pity is the near enemy of compassion.
1
Hardly. Given the fact that the patron was generally considered to be a jerk, pity is a generous and human feeling. Tell me, when did pity, along with empathy and compassion become negative attributes? Perhaps they have in the world of rarified air you breathe, but don't accuse the author of that.
LOL. Everyone is pretentious in this story including the author for obviously thinking that he is better than the rich people he serves (and the rich for obviously thinking that they are better than Mr. Frame).
25
Yet another condescending article by a worker at a high-class restaurant who goes on about how phony it all is. I really don't think these behind-the-scenes stories "surprise" anyone, anymore. As for the author, I would suggest some form of charitable endeavor for his next job to give him that authenticity he seems to be needing. Of course, the tips won't be nearly so large.
19
I was working as a waiter when I was perhaps a senior in high school when a man came in late, after the dinner was explicitly removed from the menu for the evening. Nevertheless, he insisted on the dinner. The chef dipped into the garbage and found remnants of the dinner and scooped them onto a plate. "There's his dinner," he said, and I served it. The moral I have always taken from this is never, ever mess with the chef.
17
Amen! When I was a waitress, the chef would chase you out with a knife if you came to the employee dining room in a bathing suit.
What?! A story about. Feeding the rich without one mention of how the food they are served is sabotaged by staff? Where's the fun in that? Here's one: waiters I was intimidated by described for me how 'Mr. Big' would choose his lobster from the tank located close to the entrance of the restaurant. Assistant, let's call him JOE, carries the lobster toward the kitchen. Just inside the kitchen doors, Joe slides the lobster 15 feet across the filthy galley type wooden floor to COOK who picks it up, slices its gut and places it under the broiler. I don't know which was worse...that story or what the waiters told me they'd do to me if any of the tips were ever missing from the table. It was not a job of monotonous, repetitive perfection at all. Quite the opposite.
10
Why are cynics such good writers? Perhaps his dedication would be better served if he when into acting?
3
Wonderful accompanying illustration.
5
During my days in fine dining, we all - unlike this writer - got a great deal of enjoyment out of providing our guests with the best possible experience, and things never got boring. Service was never rote.
And while many of our guests were regulars in the top 1%, a significant minority were people for whom dining in our restaurant was truly a special night out; one for which they saved all year. Taking care of those people never got old.
The minute you get cynical about hospitality, whether you're working at the Ritz Carlton or the Waffle House, you need to get out.
And while many of our guests were regulars in the top 1%, a significant minority were people for whom dining in our restaurant was truly a special night out; one for which they saved all year. Taking care of those people never got old.
The minute you get cynical about hospitality, whether you're working at the Ritz Carlton or the Waffle House, you need to get out.
37
Kindof like the butler Jeeves. For those commenters who thinks the writer is cynical, its just survival skills in a strange game. One thing that used to be nice in the USA was the opportunity to work as a server in the summers during HS and college, its different here in Mexico, kids going to U never have worked. It gives you a good view of a cross section of society, in this case the upper cross.
4
It's unfortunate that the writer failed to see the merits of service in the hospitality industry, and it's clear that he probably would not have had much of a career had he stayed. His egregious observation in the piece reveals a mentality that judges people based on race, and while he's entitled to do so, one wonders if he had written "Jewish" or "black" or "female" what would have been the editor's reaction: "You learned to read people. I still remember the Chinese businessman at Table 43. He had two companions that night: a pair of young women whose skin looked oddly synthetic. Right away he ordered a bottle of 1990 Krug — a thousand dollars, like that." I would assume that the businessman's "race" is part of the story from the writing. Hardly hospitable.
3
Is anyone surprised that a large percentage of "fine dining" is show biz? Have they not read Orwell's "Down and Out In Paris and London?
I would add that, in my limited experience with the rich, social and professional, some are cluelessly self-absorbed, some are simply nasty, some are both, and some are perfectly lovely.
I would add that, in my limited experience with the rich, social and professional, some are cluelessly self-absorbed, some are simply nasty, some are both, and some are perfectly lovely.
15
Being of the "beer and Cheetos" ilk, Mr. or Ms. Server: when my bill is $25 and I give you two twenties, don't intone, "will there be any change?" You get the idea.
Although I never waited tables, I used to cater in Greater Boston and it was interesting to see where the 1% hung out or lived. The amount of money spent on bar mitzvahs was obscene.
Every person, rich or poor, needs to do a menial or non-professional job sometime in their lives. It might make them a little more humble and easier to share the world with.
Although I never waited tables, I used to cater in Greater Boston and it was interesting to see where the 1% hung out or lived. The amount of money spent on bar mitzvahs was obscene.
Every person, rich or poor, needs to do a menial or non-professional job sometime in their lives. It might make them a little more humble and easier to share the world with.
58
Interesting, thought-provocing, the some thoughts provoked are:
1.Why is it a crime to be rich? Some customers may actually have worked hard and creatively to get there.
2. Why was the staff not trained in CPR and does NY not require defibrillators in public places?
3. Maybe I should stay out of (any) restaurants if the staff despises its customers.
1.Why is it a crime to be rich? Some customers may actually have worked hard and creatively to get there.
2. Why was the staff not trained in CPR and does NY not require defibrillators in public places?
3. Maybe I should stay out of (any) restaurants if the staff despises its customers.
13
As a former waiter and current physician, I can say that 1)You can be a very reasonable person and be rich. Conversely, you can be middle class or poor and be a jerk. No blanket statements are true.
2) Neither CPR nor a defibrillator usually helps much in an acute stroke situation.
3) I think the moral should really be: Don't be a jerk whether you're the customer, the staff or the owner.
2) Neither CPR nor a defibrillator usually helps much in an acute stroke situation.
3) I think the moral should really be: Don't be a jerk whether you're the customer, the staff or the owner.
13
@RG Oregon
I doubt most people feel it is a crime to be rich.
On the other hand, it does feel like the deck is stacked and that's a problem.
I doubt most people feel it is a crime to be rich.
On the other hand, it does feel like the deck is stacked and that's a problem.
This comment, like many others I read on the NYT, shows how little people realize what it means to be rich these days. Oh, the naivete of assuming "Some customers may actually have worked hard and creatively to get there"! Hint: it is not surgeons, researchers, and playwrights who make it into the ranks of those who can afford to spend four or five figures on a single dinner. The only way you get that rich is if your job involves increasing the wealth of the already-wealthy. I doubt you've met anyone who is truly wealthy. They don't mix with us dirty masses who leave comments on NYT articles.
2
Beautifully written. Beautifully thought out. Puts me in mind of Orwell's account of working in hotel kitchens, as well as Olivier's performance as a captain in a long-ago film of Sister Carrie. I was surprised at the vitriol in some of the comments, but don't be discouraged, Mr. Frame. Those of us lucky enough to be served, rather than having to serve, never want to know the thoughts of our servants or servers. Or see ourselves through their eyes. Whether in Le Cirque or McDonald's.
9
I am a regular at a number of restaurants in Los Angeles and often get to know and care about the people who work there--from the owners to the runners.
More than once I've found myself observing the dedication and good humor of the lowliest members of the staff and--knowing how little they are paid, and how often they are working two jobs--wished that I had the sort of business that I could offer them a better paying, more prestigious position.
More than once I've found myself observing the dedication and good humor of the lowliest members of the staff and--knowing how little they are paid, and how often they are working two jobs--wished that I had the sort of business that I could offer them a better paying, more prestigious position.
2
While this young man made a good decision to leave, let's not forget that one of the reasons so many stay in a starred Michelin restaurant is the money. Each table is going to translate to $200 to $500 or more in tips. Shared among the servers, yes, and less turnover than the average dinner service, but still good money.
5
I'm horrified about the cold hearted callousness with which the stroke victim was treated. Why didn't they ask if any of the patrons was a physician? Did they even check the customer list to see if any of their patrons were? Why didn't they check to see if the person who fell had a pulse and determine if they needed to perform CPR? Why did it take 10 minutes for the paramedics to arrive? Is every restaurant in NYC required to have an AED (Automatic Electronic Defibrillator) -- if not, why not? The list of questions goes on and on. My heart goes out to the poor man who had the stroke -- as in the case of heart attacks, fast treatment makes all difference. Strokes should be thought of as "brain attacks" and every second counts. Neurologists say -- "Time is Brain." I hope the poor man sued the restaurant or someone did it for him, or that the police looked into the callous behavior of the people who failed to help him but put a cart in front of him to hide him from the other patrons, but I doubt it. The callousness of how that poor man was treated breaks my heart and makes me want to vomit.
13
So now waiters are supposed to be MD's? Imagine the guy just fainted or passed out drunk, is the waiter then supposed to use a defibrillator on him? If there is a doctor in the house, isn't it his hippocratic oath to aid the victim? I am sure someone was giving aid to the victim, but then again it is NY.
The man ate like a pig. His wife warned him. He didn't care, so....
1
They're supposed to be human beings. The mistreatment of that poor man was criminal. I hope the DA files charges against the restaurant and its staff immediately for criminal negligence and any other charges that apply. In strokes, like in heart attacks, seconds count, and they should have immediately taken steps to find out of there was a physician in the restaurant who could render aid, rather than trying to "hide the body" like it was that of an overdose victim in a Heroin den.
2
While I was busy mis-spending my twenties, I worked as a waiter in a restaurant for middle class people. It was located in the shopping mall in Tyson's Corner, Virginia. I saw people at their best - managers, employees, and guests - and also at their worst.
One thing is for sure. No one who does restaurant work will ever swill Grey Goose at a bar, chanting "I am the one percent". Not unless they are spectacularly unaware.
I'm glad I worked restaurants for a while. It made me much more socially aware, and it also made me a chronic over-tipper. I'm also glad that when I moved on, I never had to do it again. It can suck your soul.
One thing is for sure. No one who does restaurant work will ever swill Grey Goose at a bar, chanting "I am the one percent". Not unless they are spectacularly unaware.
I'm glad I worked restaurants for a while. It made me much more socially aware, and it also made me a chronic over-tipper. I'm also glad that when I moved on, I never had to do it again. It can suck your soul.
77
Claiming this job is "low skill level" always elicits laughter from me. Throw a normal person into the author's position and they'd either be fired immediately or quit. I currently work in a restaurant that isn't as highly regarded, but is very high volume. I'm well trained and the stress is still normally almost unbearable- whether from entitled super rich customers or from management and demanding owners. The industry is a revolving door, it's very difficult to find people who are competent and can handle it for longer periods of time. It's truly a profession like anything else. Be respectful.
63
While in college 35+ years ago I worked as a waiter, then captain, at what was considered Boston's finest restaurant: Maison Robert (closed in 2004). It attracted national politicians, foreign dictators, Hollywood stars and suburban couples out for a special night. The food and service were superb and discretion ruled.
One evening my waiter and I were making Spanish coffees for a table of 4. The table-side process involved firing the glasses with brandy first, then adding coffee and liqueur, topped by whipped cream. The "entertainment" part consisted of pouring the small amounts of flaming brandy back and forth a few times between the glasses we each held. It was a bit of a spectacle and we'd done it countless times without incident. (Of course today this would never happen due to liability - but this was the 1970s and management condoned the practice).
While I was in mid-pour my colleague accidentally bumped my elbow, causing flaming brandy to overshoot the glass I was holding and run down the back of my hand. Without missing a beat - or letting on that anything had happened - I smoothly put down my glasses on the guéridon, stepped on the small carpet fire that had started, did a quick about face and strode deliberately to the kitchen, where I jammed my hand in ice for relief. The curses about colleague clumsiness I kept to myself.
No one noticed that anything was amiss and we got a good tip from the table to go with my 2nd degree burns.
One evening my waiter and I were making Spanish coffees for a table of 4. The table-side process involved firing the glasses with brandy first, then adding coffee and liqueur, topped by whipped cream. The "entertainment" part consisted of pouring the small amounts of flaming brandy back and forth a few times between the glasses we each held. It was a bit of a spectacle and we'd done it countless times without incident. (Of course today this would never happen due to liability - but this was the 1970s and management condoned the practice).
While I was in mid-pour my colleague accidentally bumped my elbow, causing flaming brandy to overshoot the glass I was holding and run down the back of my hand. Without missing a beat - or letting on that anything had happened - I smoothly put down my glasses on the guéridon, stepped on the small carpet fire that had started, did a quick about face and strode deliberately to the kitchen, where I jammed my hand in ice for relief. The curses about colleague clumsiness I kept to myself.
No one noticed that anything was amiss and we got a good tip from the table to go with my 2nd degree burns.
44
First of all, I love this bit of writing. This could have been a Moth Radio Hour piece.
I have waited tables at a high end restaurant. I have also worked in professional theater. They're both about entertainment -- high level entertainment.
When I go to a nice restaurant with my wife, I want it to be a seamless experience. I want it to be about enjoying the time with my wife, as well as having a great, interesting dining experience. Otherwise, we could be at home cooking a meal and cleaning up.
Anything that distracts makes the evening about about the distraction. If part of a scenic backdrop has come undone from its backing and is flopping around loosely, that becomes part of the show. If I discover there is lipstick residue on the glass in front of me when I sit down, I wonder if the restaurant is sloppy elsewhere. I also now have to seek someone out to get a new glass, and it's time I had wanted to spend with my wife. How about ordering a steak medium-rare and it arrives well-done? A distraction.
While I have only been in a >$100/person restaurant a few times in my life, the level of food preparation, creativity, and service were out of this world. Part of the job of the restaurant is to have the grunt work of the restaurant be invisible so the experience for the diners is the food and the companionship of the people at that table. Who wants to see dancers huffing and puffing and straining, with pained looks on their faces after a complicated piece of choreography?
I have waited tables at a high end restaurant. I have also worked in professional theater. They're both about entertainment -- high level entertainment.
When I go to a nice restaurant with my wife, I want it to be a seamless experience. I want it to be about enjoying the time with my wife, as well as having a great, interesting dining experience. Otherwise, we could be at home cooking a meal and cleaning up.
Anything that distracts makes the evening about about the distraction. If part of a scenic backdrop has come undone from its backing and is flopping around loosely, that becomes part of the show. If I discover there is lipstick residue on the glass in front of me when I sit down, I wonder if the restaurant is sloppy elsewhere. I also now have to seek someone out to get a new glass, and it's time I had wanted to spend with my wife. How about ordering a steak medium-rare and it arrives well-done? A distraction.
While I have only been in a >$100/person restaurant a few times in my life, the level of food preparation, creativity, and service were out of this world. Part of the job of the restaurant is to have the grunt work of the restaurant be invisible so the experience for the diners is the food and the companionship of the people at that table. Who wants to see dancers huffing and puffing and straining, with pained looks on their faces after a complicated piece of choreography?
11
I worked at as a cater-waiter in NYC in the late ‘90’s – ‘00’s, when one could see billboards going up in lower Manhattan with fresh young faces advertising their imminent retirement at 30 on their dot-com mega-incomes or solarized neon photographs of the Twin Towers with the caption “Welcome to the Playground of the Fearless”. As a server, you often see the best and the worst of what goes on.
I’ll never forget two particular images from when I worked a series of parties at a particular Neo-classical address on Wall Street with a 4 story marble atrium. One was of the extravagant theatrical entertainment one client hired for holiday bonus celebrations. Members of a Cirque du Soleil-caliber troupe, for an after dinner show, featured acrobats on bungee cords in elaborate costumes, diving from high balconies, bouncing lightly on the terrazzo floor and executing mid-air somersaults to the throbbing beat of Madonna’s latest tune while bathed in a multi-colored light show. It was thrilling to watch.
On another evening, 300 or so of the 500 guests for an office party didn’t show up for the affair so, at the end of the evening I found it my job to take the rest of the left-over filet mignon, fill three heavy plastic garbage bags full and toss them in the garbage. All that beautiful food thrown away, not even able to send it to the needy.
Late each night, I would change from a polyester tux into street clothes, hop on my bike and ride back over the bridge to Brooklyn.
I’ll never forget two particular images from when I worked a series of parties at a particular Neo-classical address on Wall Street with a 4 story marble atrium. One was of the extravagant theatrical entertainment one client hired for holiday bonus celebrations. Members of a Cirque du Soleil-caliber troupe, for an after dinner show, featured acrobats on bungee cords in elaborate costumes, diving from high balconies, bouncing lightly on the terrazzo floor and executing mid-air somersaults to the throbbing beat of Madonna’s latest tune while bathed in a multi-colored light show. It was thrilling to watch.
On another evening, 300 or so of the 500 guests for an office party didn’t show up for the affair so, at the end of the evening I found it my job to take the rest of the left-over filet mignon, fill three heavy plastic garbage bags full and toss them in the garbage. All that beautiful food thrown away, not even able to send it to the needy.
Late each night, I would change from a polyester tux into street clothes, hop on my bike and ride back over the bridge to Brooklyn.
5
A insightful look into the mindset nurtured by Obama, Marx, the Proggie media and Hollywood.
Absolutely revolting.
Absolutely revolting.
4
Wow! Is everything Obama's fault?
5
It's hilarious who you think these people are...or how and when they can to be.
1
"This isn’t planned; the moment demands real empathy, real human understanding, and not the counterfeit variety he and I earn our living with."
I have high hopes for you, Mr. Frame. And after graduation if you're found seated in a fine restaurant intently studying a table full of patrons, you'll be the classiest guy in the joint with the exception of the ex-patriot, aging, liberal entrepreneur owner.
George Mardikian comes to mind at his Omar Khayyams in San Francisco. I'll never forget the stuffed grape leaves & that delicate rose scented ambrosia for the flat bread & the sense that everyone was welcome from kings to goat herders. A different time & place. He would have kicked out the chanting 1%ers. His spirit lived & lives on.
I have high hopes for you, Mr. Frame. And after graduation if you're found seated in a fine restaurant intently studying a table full of patrons, you'll be the classiest guy in the joint with the exception of the ex-patriot, aging, liberal entrepreneur owner.
George Mardikian comes to mind at his Omar Khayyams in San Francisco. I'll never forget the stuffed grape leaves & that delicate rose scented ambrosia for the flat bread & the sense that everyone was welcome from kings to goat herders. A different time & place. He would have kicked out the chanting 1%ers. His spirit lived & lives on.
2
"Describe the establishment and your role — but no naming names! "
This statement struck me as very odd to appear in a newspaper. I get it: If someone said something negative there would be no way to verify it. But from now on the Times can't complain about people wanting to comment anonymously. It is actively encouraging the practice.
This statement struck me as very odd to appear in a newspaper. I get it: If someone said something negative there would be no way to verify it. But from now on the Times can't complain about people wanting to comment anonymously. It is actively encouraging the practice.
4
Excellent. 'The Show' is what starred restaurants are all about, not the food. Their great social benefit is in picking the pockets of spendthrift gluttons.
3
You are turning six tables a night, four and five figure checks, and making ungodly tips by service standards.
And you have to feel the love too?
Most of us peons who have worked in the food industry would say you had it made.
And you have to feel the love too?
Most of us peons who have worked in the food industry would say you had it made.
6
Excellent! Thank you for the revealing insights of th 1%ers.
"Most members of the service staff shared one thing in common — a quiet alliance against our betters: the guests, and our managers."
They are by no means your "betters," unless all you value is how much a person makes...
And five-figure checks for a dinner? Wow. Definitely 1% and wasteful. I hope was food was transcendental. Literally.
They are by no means your "betters," unless all you value is how much a person makes...
And five-figure checks for a dinner? Wow. Definitely 1% and wasteful. I hope was food was transcendental. Literally.
3
So all that training did not include how to deliver basic CPR for guests who have heart attacks. With the kind of food you're describing, I'm surprised it does not happen more often.
9
You would've been better off working at Applebee's, brah. Yes, we're hiring.
1
The rich are different...
1
Outstanding essay, one of the best I have read in many months, thank you so very much ...
(from the daughter of a restauranteur -- not of this stripe, but a 50 year run nonetheless -- who still sometimes regrets passing up the opportunity to inherit it ...)
(from the daughter of a restauranteur -- not of this stripe, but a 50 year run nonetheless -- who still sometimes regrets passing up the opportunity to inherit it ...)
4
The Devil Wears Prada and Eats Lobster Pate with Champagne...
3
Haters gonna hate on the dude, but you have to admit this piece was very well written, compelling, and had a transformative story arc...all in a few hundred words. Well done. Here is an authentic young voice. Could he replace David Brooks, please?
77
You can tell that he should replace David Brooks from reading this one piece?
Edward Frame’s vicious attack on patrons at fancy, expensive restaurants equally smears the hard-working men and women employed there who do not have the luxury of quitting and going to graduate school. And what wealthy patron would donate money for graduate school programs that offer free rides to arrogant young men “feeling empty” about hard labor who decide to dabble in social research?
4
I see this hit a little too close to home...
3
This reads more like a passage that might have been written by one of the denizens of "Fight Club," the Chuck Palahniuk novel.
11 Madison Park.
2
Is this a lost chapter of Petronius' Satyricon?
1
Downton Abbey in NY.
2
"......Grown men wearing Zegna and Ferragamo would sit at the bar chanting, “We are the 1 percent!”
It is truly chilling to think that Citizens' United has given stupid little rich boys the power to control and destroy our lives, the future of this country, and the environment.
It is truly chilling to think that Citizens' United has given stupid little rich boys the power to control and destroy our lives, the future of this country, and the environment.
111
“The mass of the rich and the poor are differentiated by their incomes and nothing else,and the average millionaire is only the average dishwasher dressed in a new suit.”
― George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London
― George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London
36
This is Eleven Madison Park, right? Right? AmIright?
5
In college I was prep cook in a ski lodge in Colorado that specialized in steaks. But there was any thing surprising about it. Instead, this is what I recently wrote for my English course after reading Joyce's "The Dead."
"I can readily envision the party. As a child my parents and their close friends (none of whom were religious) religiously rotated throwing large dinner parties each Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eye. Gluttony, in a country where just a few decades earlier a large part of the population had died or emigrated due to the famine, is an excellent background for this story about the meaning, or meaningless, of life. Gabriel, the story’s messenger, is described physically and mentally, including in terms of how he treats others (Lily). Gabriel is from the upper-crust of the upper-crust. But Ms. Ivors’ comments about his lack of Irishness slice through his ego like a knife through bread pudding, and set Gabriel up for the crowning blow to his ego when an innocent song reveals Gretta’s relationship with Michael Furey). Gabriel is a phony elitist, even as he sings false praises to his aunts’ “Irish hospitality”, and his modesty is false and self-serving. When the drunken Freddie Malins introduces the topic of race, Freddie shows that even drunk he is the better man than Gabriel. But in the end the problem is not that Gabriel’s life is more illusion than reality; it is that all lives, including Michael Furey’s, are more illusion than reality."
"I can readily envision the party. As a child my parents and their close friends (none of whom were religious) religiously rotated throwing large dinner parties each Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eye. Gluttony, in a country where just a few decades earlier a large part of the population had died or emigrated due to the famine, is an excellent background for this story about the meaning, or meaningless, of life. Gabriel, the story’s messenger, is described physically and mentally, including in terms of how he treats others (Lily). Gabriel is from the upper-crust of the upper-crust. But Ms. Ivors’ comments about his lack of Irishness slice through his ego like a knife through bread pudding, and set Gabriel up for the crowning blow to his ego when an innocent song reveals Gretta’s relationship with Michael Furey). Gabriel is a phony elitist, even as he sings false praises to his aunts’ “Irish hospitality”, and his modesty is false and self-serving. When the drunken Freddie Malins introduces the topic of race, Freddie shows that even drunk he is the better man than Gabriel. But in the end the problem is not that Gabriel’s life is more illusion than reality; it is that all lives, including Michael Furey’s, are more illusion than reality."
1
...I looked at him, then at the two women. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather spend some of your evening elsewhere?”...
A minor masterpiece of polite, yet leering innuendo, with a hint of mixed insult and props for the host of two young with synthetic looking skin.
So when does the book come out?
A minor masterpiece of polite, yet leering innuendo, with a hint of mixed insult and props for the host of two young with synthetic looking skin.
So when does the book come out?
17
yes- sort of like the writing of Bret Easton Ellis.
Hilarious and accurate.
Hilarious and accurate.
Anyone who thinks that Mr. Frame is the "jerk" in the room has never had the experience of working in the restaurant buisness. Before coming to my senses, much like Mr. Frame, I spent fifteen years as a Bartender, Waiter and Maitre D in San Francisco. There is nothing more nauseating than witnessing someone struggle for life while those around them display indifference and often contempt for the individual. It was similar events to the one described in this opinion piece and the ambience self destruction that permeates establishments that cater to the "I'm better than you" crowd, that drove me to graduate school and back into the real world. Well done Mr. frame!
100
I'm wondering what these grad school programs are that brought u and presumably will bring Mr Frame Nirvana. The reality is that all jobs involve unpleasant tasks, annoying clients and difficult bosses. The more mature cope by leaving when the good / bad balance is not in our favor. We also cope by understanding that work is only part of life and that the cash it generates can be used for pleasurable activities. Including the escape that a fine dining experience can provide. In that context Frame is the ogre here.
3
Money doesn't buy class. My busboy has more class than the people I wait on in a restaurant here in the city that is often covered in the Times. Many nights my coworkers and I look at each other and mutter about working in a frat house. Chanting, singing along loudly with the music playing...frat house. The average bill in our establishment is at the top of the spectrum. Masters of the universe. We are so ripe for judgement.
76
The excess, greed and narcissism of the 1% certainly leave me cold.
However, Mr. Frame's haughty disdain, and apathetic behavior while facing a guest's medical emergency, leaves me colder.
I'm not sure I'd want to encounter him in any professional setting.
Empathy is taught.
However, Mr. Frame's haughty disdain, and apathetic behavior while facing a guest's medical emergency, leaves me colder.
I'm not sure I'd want to encounter him in any professional setting.
Empathy is taught.
13
I have worked in the restaurant industry for thirty years and I can't relate to a single feeling of this author. If the desire and drive to be your best in the workplace only arrives via a mandate from management, then why would anyone remain in that profession? The "con" was his own, not that of the restaurant. Many of my greatest life memories were spent with restaurant employees and customers and not once did I feel as though I was encouraged by the business to manipulate a guest. To this day, I speak with former guests from my days as a bartender and waiter, and my happiest life memories revolve around them. This author worked a job that required less actual working hours than most jobs and a lower skill level than most, yet offered a much higher salary. To whine about it after the fact is small and petty, and to complain and mock former guests that paid his rent is classless. Mr. Frame, those of us that remain in the restaurant profession are happy that you have left. You were not meant for a job that requires a pursuit of perfection and I suspect that we will likely not be reading your sage words of wisdom again soon. Why the NYT chose to run this opinion piece is incomprehensible. I'm glad that you were never my server. I save for those special dinners, I share them with special people in my life, I relish them, and I remember them all fondly. Thank God you weren't around to spoil it for me.
49
You simply have not worked in those places that cater to the cream of society.
1
And he stood by and scratched his butt while a human lay in distress. Had this happened in the company of any of my 1% crowd, he would have been stampede by the efforts to bring care.
The reason why this piece was run by the NYT? The attitude exhibited is in perfect harmony with the paper's.
The reason why this piece was run by the NYT? The attitude exhibited is in perfect harmony with the paper's.
1
Mr. Frame describes his experience serving expensive wines and delicacies to the ultra-rich as an empty and unfulfilling career pursuit, apparently ignoring the considerable benefits this experience has brought him: a) income from his restaurant employment to sustain himself while considering other career opportunities; b) an appreciation of wining and dining choices few of us are aware of; c) fodder for his journalistic efforts resulting in a New York Times op-ed piece; d) insights into personalities and lifestyles which will doubtless inform his writing efforts in the future.
Mr. Frame might reflect that while he derides his experience in serving the 1%, he himself enjoyed a lifestyle which would be envied by billions of people who spend their existence in far worse employments and living under deplorable conditions. Consider the ship breakers in India and Bangladesh who spend their days taking apart oil tankers by hand, or African natives living on less than one dollar a day.
As a restaurant captain, Mr. Frame's soul may have been empty, but at least his stomach was full. It's all a matter of perspective.
Mr. Frame might reflect that while he derides his experience in serving the 1%, he himself enjoyed a lifestyle which would be envied by billions of people who spend their existence in far worse employments and living under deplorable conditions. Consider the ship breakers in India and Bangladesh who spend their days taking apart oil tankers by hand, or African natives living on less than one dollar a day.
As a restaurant captain, Mr. Frame's soul may have been empty, but at least his stomach was full. It's all a matter of perspective.
22
Pardon my use of 'I' but to respond to this terrific piece I have to say that I am not a gourmand but have had exceptional meals that were simple, freshly prepared, respectfully presented and usually occurring with family and friends in my own home.
I find it difficult to expend resources on experiences that begin with someone saying, 'Good evening, my name is...' when the food is expected to be the star of the evening and the check will sufficiently reflect that status.
Anyone who routinely pays a working person's full day's salary for a meal is gilded and should know they are living a good life---anyone paying an equivalent week's salary is out of touch and should reevaluate their lives.
I find it difficult to expend resources on experiences that begin with someone saying, 'Good evening, my name is...' when the food is expected to be the star of the evening and the check will sufficiently reflect that status.
Anyone who routinely pays a working person's full day's salary for a meal is gilded and should know they are living a good life---anyone paying an equivalent week's salary is out of touch and should reevaluate their lives.
11
Well written. Your writing is clear and compact. No wasted words.
You do not sound jaded. Sort of informed by the whole thing. Enjoyed your piece.
You do not sound jaded. Sort of informed by the whole thing. Enjoyed your piece.
25
I have eaten at a few of the finest Restaurants in the world as well as at street carts and mom and pop restaurants. Although those fine restaurants do serve fantastic food my heart always went out to the staff as they worked hard and without stopping to ensure that everything for us was perfect.
Yet as a fussy eater I am the type that commonly alters the menu offerings a little--such as no peppers or tomatoes on my plate as they become wasted food.
I found that at the Fancier restaurants the chefs and staff would get horrified if I asked for a slight difference i.e. no tomatoes or the use of Béarnaise sauce rather than Hollandaise Sauce; or if I left a serving of something on my plate!
However when I ate a Mom and Pop restaurants the staff and cook would be more than pleased to alter their menu to my liking! Same with street carts although once in a while the chef/cook within would get a little persnickety at my alterations-----such as no peppers on my cheesesteak or no tomato on my sandwich.
Yet as a fussy eater I am the type that commonly alters the menu offerings a little--such as no peppers or tomatoes on my plate as they become wasted food.
I found that at the Fancier restaurants the chefs and staff would get horrified if I asked for a slight difference i.e. no tomatoes or the use of Béarnaise sauce rather than Hollandaise Sauce; or if I left a serving of something on my plate!
However when I ate a Mom and Pop restaurants the staff and cook would be more than pleased to alter their menu to my liking! Same with street carts although once in a while the chef/cook within would get a little persnickety at my alterations-----such as no peppers on my cheesesteak or no tomato on my sandwich.
2
One more account of how the decadence of the upper classes has attained that of the aristos prior to the French Revolution.
2
When a story is too good to be true, as here, one might be forgiven for asking, well, Is it true? The stroke? Happens. As in Bonfire of the Vanities. Checking a baby with the coats? Happens. As in the Diane Keaton film Baby Boom. The Chinese businessman with the (presumptive) two hookers? A movie cliche. And a fairly racist one at that. Drunk bankers at the bar chanting "We're the 1%"? Sounds like a frat boy version of Mitt Romney's 47% gaffe? Really? Was the restaurant identified to the editors? Does it still exist? Was the article fact checked (or are Review pieces not fact checked, an exemption also given to op-ed columnists). My reaction is that the article seems to be yet another manifestation of "narrative" being favored over "facts". I'm just a reader. But I smell a rat.
15
A disturbing read on a pleasant Sunday morning. Yes, there are plenty of indulgent buffoons in big cities that drop thousands of dollars on lunch and dinner without really understanding or appreciating a fine dining experience, but the author is just as crass and clueless. Instead of doing the right thing and helping a patron in distress, he simply goes about his "business". The author believes he is different or somehow better than some of his clients, but his facade quickly crumbles under the pressure of a true crisis. No matter what the industry-- from teaching to farming to dentistry to hardware store owner-- all of us can easily point out the unpleasant often unseen aspects of our job. The key is to accept these challenges and try to make a difference in your respective field. Or think out of the box and create a restaurant experience that is at once fulfilling and authentic. I had the good fortune of dining at a number of exquisite, affordable and memorable restaurants/osterias this summer in Europe-- some of them tiny holes in a wall along a country road. These were close knit, family-owned establishments that put their hearts out for customers. That kind of endeavor takes commitment, courage, sacrifice, and love. No wonder this guy is going "back to graduate school"-- just another disgruntled guy who punched in the clock at a restaurant to make his ends meet until he figured out what he was "best suited for". Good luck and good riddance!
9
Another verification of what I have known since I was a little boy! Super rich people are disgusting, miserable failures as human beings! Yes, nothing has changed since ancient times and it never will! Read "The Rich and the Super Rich" by Ferdinand Lundberg
4
During college I waited tables at an upscale dining establishment in Maine.
The owner put steamed lobster on the menu but rarely, if ever did someone order it, he priced it super high. On an extremely busy, Saturday night in August, an obvious tourist couple did order the lobster. After I placed their plates and extra utensils down I continued serving others. Then I noticed that the couple just sat and stared at the lobsters in front of them. I quickly went over and asked them if things were alright and they responded, "Aren't you going to crack open the lobster shells for us to eat the meat?" Serious.
The owner put steamed lobster on the menu but rarely, if ever did someone order it, he priced it super high. On an extremely busy, Saturday night in August, an obvious tourist couple did order the lobster. After I placed their plates and extra utensils down I continued serving others. Then I noticed that the couple just sat and stared at the lobsters in front of them. I quickly went over and asked them if things were alright and they responded, "Aren't you going to crack open the lobster shells for us to eat the meat?" Serious.
11
If the restaurant was "upscale," as you say it was, then the diners were correct to expect the lobster shells to be cracked. New Englanders know that eating steamed lobster can be a messy business. Your place should have prepared the lobster so that the guests can eat without getting messy. (Diners at a seaside clam shack can expect to bust their own lobster.)
2
This commenter's story reminds me of when we were with our family at a little (not at all fancy) restaurant on a far flung beach in Brazil. Being desert rats, we were excited to order the fresh crab. But then when it was plunked in front of us with a little mallet and a big fork, we had no idea how to eat it! A sweet German tourist sitting next to us came over to our table and kindly showed us what to do. Truly, some of us have no clue about shellfish.
1
MY favorite Maine restaurant serves "Lazy man's lobster." Already out of the shell!
2
I'm reminded of the scene in "Naked Lunch" in which A.J. visits ne plus ultra restaurant Chez Robert. The opening line of the passage is: "A.J. once reserved a table a year in advance Chez Robert, where a huge, icy gourmet broods over the greatest cuisine in the world." And so on.
https://books.google.it/books?id=8r4cBAAAQBAJ&pg=PT110&lpg=PT110...
https://books.google.it/books?id=8r4cBAAAQBAJ&pg=PT110&lpg=PT110...
1
The writer misses the point, which, perhaps, he will learn after grad school - he and many of us are in a service industry, albeit food, law, finance, tech, medicine or whatever - you fill in the blank. Whether your client is a CEO, a board, a patient, or a customer at a food truck, your job is to serve him or her the best you can. If that is not your thing, then find something else but don't denigrate your client/customer. They came to you - not the other way around.
15
You really believe that you deserve to be loved and served. That people should worship money. And you think that being a jerk does not show? Do you know wahat a monster is?
1
The fine dining 'illusion' is precisely why I did NOT enter the restaurant business after graduating from culinary school 20 years ago in Cambridge, Mass. Not to mention Anthony Bourdain's back-of-house tales of restaurant life in "Kitchen Confidential."
3
A wonderful glimpse at the toll unfettered capitalism takes on one's humanity.
5
A quick glance at the author's public Linkedin profile reveals the restaurant in question to be Eleven Madison Park. How awful that the staff has such contempt for their guests that they consider a regular to be a "jerk"......what's up with that? I like to think that our favorite local restaurants are happy to see us each week.....My guess is that for all his self-proclaimed talent, the author has no business being in the service industry.
12
For a droll companion piece from the diner's side, see Tanya Gold's "A Goose in a Dress," in the September issue of Harper's Magazine. Seems there's little to recommend the view from the other side of the table.
1
I wonder if the writer ever paid any real attention to the guests who are not in any way super-rich, like my husband and I, average middle-class earners (college professors of the humanities, go figure) who really love superb food and would occasionally splurge a few hundred dollars (you do not need to reach the four figures, even in a Starred restaurant, if you keep your wine consumption reasonably low) on fine dining. Yes, I frequently witnessed the bad (and not so bad) behaviors of some apparently affluent guests in those restaurants, but again, I would estimate that a sizable portion of the guests are like us, trying to celebrate a special occasion with fond memories of a seemingly impeccable, delicious and intoxicating night. We still remember some of those experiences years ago and they still give us delight. Would the knowledge that they have helped providing such experiences give the wait staff a sense of real satisfaction? Or do people who never order 1,000-dollar bottles of wines simply don't matter to the Captains, who are in fact (I am sorry to say) among the most snobbish, despite their cynicism?
35
I concur with Jackie Tan. Living in San Francisco for 30 years we have eaten in most of its best restaurants over the years. Usually, once or twice a year we pick one and have a great meal. In most cases, it is the service that makes the meal.
I feel bad that the servers have such a low opinion of us as customers. We don't drink much wine, we prefer a good martini and then some ice tea. We also like to take out time.
We both work hard and a decidedly not in the 1%. When we go, it is special to us and we busted out butts for the money to do it. I wish the author of this article had talked a little about the folks like us as customers. I am sure that there is a contrasting attitude by us versus the 1%ers.
I feel bad that the servers have such a low opinion of us as customers. We don't drink much wine, we prefer a good martini and then some ice tea. We also like to take out time.
We both work hard and a decidedly not in the 1%. When we go, it is special to us and we busted out butts for the money to do it. I wish the author of this article had talked a little about the folks like us as customers. I am sure that there is a contrasting attitude by us versus the 1%ers.
1
Excellent piece that reads like the opening chapter of a novel. Mr. Frame, please expand this character and flesh out his inner turmoil. This article is a Left Bank Bordeaux.
2
Beautifully written. What people will do and pay to feel special is always amazing to me.
2
It's all an illusion.
1
A genuine pleasure to be taken so eloquently through Mr. Frame's journey as a fine dining captain.
1
Very well written with empathy and a certain insight into people. Mr. Frame should definitely select a career in writing.
1
Worlds away, so NYT won't care to hear my tale, but when I was behind the counter at Walt's Roast Beef, there were a handful of people who tipped. Even though I was slow and not pretty, the bikers tipped me, because they said I was nice to them. I smiled and said thank you, just like I did for everyone.
13
Oh dear, this is such a sad piece. When the author says, "It’s the thrill of the con," I know we are in serious trouble.
Cleverly written perhaps, but insulting and emotionally cold. This appears to be an exercise in self-promotion--promote yourself by looking down on and making fun of others.
As my father always said, if you don't like your job, get another one; and if you can't get another one, do a good job and shut up.
My husband paid his way through college and graduate school with the GI Bill, assistantships, and working at as a waiter at an expensive beach resort in the summers until he started his Ph.D. He worked hard and long hours as a waiter, treated customers with respect--most were fine people albeit a few jerks. He said people pay a lot of money to go out to dinner and deserve to be treated well--after all, it is the service industry. One time we walked out of a restaurant where we had a smart aleck, cynical waiter who wanted us to know he was too good for his job.
I worked in an academic medical center and you occasionally see some doctors and staff making fun of patients or putting them down with disdain--written about recently in the NY Times also. Remember the patient who recorded what was said when he got a colonoscopy?
Yes, some patients are jerks, very difficult, sometimes certifiably crazy, but I have watched some superb doctors and staff treat such patients with respect and kindness without judging whether they "deserve" it. Please figure out why
Cleverly written perhaps, but insulting and emotionally cold. This appears to be an exercise in self-promotion--promote yourself by looking down on and making fun of others.
As my father always said, if you don't like your job, get another one; and if you can't get another one, do a good job and shut up.
My husband paid his way through college and graduate school with the GI Bill, assistantships, and working at as a waiter at an expensive beach resort in the summers until he started his Ph.D. He worked hard and long hours as a waiter, treated customers with respect--most were fine people albeit a few jerks. He said people pay a lot of money to go out to dinner and deserve to be treated well--after all, it is the service industry. One time we walked out of a restaurant where we had a smart aleck, cynical waiter who wanted us to know he was too good for his job.
I worked in an academic medical center and you occasionally see some doctors and staff making fun of patients or putting them down with disdain--written about recently in the NY Times also. Remember the patient who recorded what was said when he got a colonoscopy?
Yes, some patients are jerks, very difficult, sometimes certifiably crazy, but I have watched some superb doctors and staff treat such patients with respect and kindness without judging whether they "deserve" it. Please figure out why
10
Jerks act differently with doctors than they do with people in the service industry. When you go to see a doctor you wait... for them. In the service industry you may want to make people happy. Try to do that with a few jerks around. And they are always jerks aroound. That is why many people cannot wait for robots to replace human beings. Robots don't care if you are a jerk or not; they love you anyway. Well, of course, they don't exactly love you...
According to Mr. Fame's linkedin profile, the restaurant in question is "Eleven Madison Park."
2
Agree. Never had a desire to eat there. The owners are way too full of themselves.
1
Back in the Danny Meyer owned days enjoyed Madison almost as much as Gramercy Tavern. But alas the $225 tasting menu for the hedge fund crowd soon spoiled everything.
Whatever your job or rank in life, you either enjoy working with the public or you don't. A tough customer might bruise your ego for a moment, but if you like helping people, you bounce back. There are NYC hotdog cart vendors with more compassion and joy working with the public than what is described here.
This writer, while competent, clearly does not truly enjoy working for the public, no matter how wealthy. It's no surprise he left, and the restaurant and customers are the better for it. If you don't enjoy the game, it doesn't matter how much you are being paid. It seems he only deceived himself.
This writer, while competent, clearly does not truly enjoy working for the public, no matter how wealthy. It's no surprise he left, and the restaurant and customers are the better for it. If you don't enjoy the game, it doesn't matter how much you are being paid. It seems he only deceived himself.
14
This was an excellent read. Mr. Frame made a smart decision to leave.
6
I loved serving - for all the reasons described. And many other jobs demand that kind of satisfying perfection - cleaning data, for instance. But you can't forget the human and I don't understand why the gentleman wasn't moved. I have had students fall and have seizures in class. And the same thoughts come to you: How do you keep the other students involved and on task while meeting the real needs of the student who is ill? How do you keep going after you've taken care of them and restart? But those needs come first.
And the woman who wanted to 'check' her baby? She should be send home with her presumed husband and told she should be ashamed of herself.
And the woman who wanted to 'check' her baby? She should be send home with her presumed husband and told she should be ashamed of herself.
In a well run society she would be sent to a re-education camp.
The stroke victim episode sounds like a similar scene in The Bonfire of the Vanities.
1
I was met a woman who had just quit her job as a hostess at a restaurant. She spoke that she would have to learn how to unsmile so that she could begin to regain her natural smile. I asked her if she would like to write about it for a magazine I co-edit. She said call me in a few weeks. I did and she said the experience was just too painful for to write about at that point.
I met a woman who had just quit her job as a hostess at a restaurant. She spoke that she would have to learn how to unsmile so that she could begin to regain her natural smile. I asked her if she would like to write about it for a magazine I co-edit. She said call me in a few weeks. I did and she said the experience was just too painful for to write about at that point.
7
The author had a well paying job where he despised and made fun of the clients paying his bills. It seems like his leaving it is good for him and even better for the owners and clients he had so little respect for.
6
Gluttony, arrogance and vulgarity do not require that you be in the 1%. People who eat Cheetoes and drink beer from a can have the same constitutional right to bad manners as a hedge fund manager.
7
I can't imagine spending that much time eating dinner. How strange.
2
The knocks that many of these commenters are giving Mr. Frame are perhaps unwarranted. There are (at least) two types of people - one who genuinely enjoys meeting 'strangers' and getting to know a little bit about them and doing something 'nice' for them, and the other, who see that type of interaction as a con, a sell-out, a pretense. I have a best friend who is the former - loves to 'get to know' strangers. What do they like to eat, what do they like do, when is their birthday, kids, spouses, life experiences, etc (all in the space of maybe five to ten minutes, no less!). I ask her why she does that, what possible good can it do her, as she will never see this person again. I see it as a form of 'sucking up' or being needlessly ingratiating; essentially the 'con' that Mr. Frame describes. I understand where Mr. Frame is coming from, because I am that other type of person, like he, who needs more to develop a relationship than a few hours over dinner. So I can see his estrangement as an actual experience, not him being a 'jerk', as many commenters seem to think. Especially as these diners are not there to make friends with the staff, and the nature of the staff to diner relationship is indeed transactional, i.e. fee for service.
4
Excellent piece of social dissection where the subject actually is secondary, from a graduate student in Social Research seeking to research society. I've actually only experienced this level of service twice and would avoid it hereafter if presented with other opportunities, largely because I'm a shoveler with little patience for three-or-five-hour "experiences",
The tableaus presented say a Texas ton more about the superficiality of the patrons than it does about the "estranged" practitioners.
The tableaus presented say a Texas ton more about the superficiality of the patrons than it does about the "estranged" practitioners.
2
If things were so soul crushing, why did the writer not leaver earlier? The only reason for leaving given was to attend grad school.
Funny, the writer never mentions how much money he was making, which I bet was pretty good.
Funny, the writer never mentions how much money he was making, which I bet was pretty good.
3
I worked at many restaurants in NYC as a waiter, some with the same captain team. At one place, on the Upper East Side, where I had served Paloma Picasso, Charlton Heston, Dustin Hoffman and others, I once had a middle-aged female patron, dining with spouse, ask what white wines we served. I informed her of our choices, including some from California. She told me "I can't drink California wines: they give me a headache." She asked for a Pinot Grigio: she got a heavily oaked California chard. No complaints, no headache.
7
When I first opened our restaurant and mostly bar tended before retreating to cooking years later I became aware of how many hints as to a persons personality where in evidence that the persons themselves could not be aware of. You learn how to direct in situations where, for instance, someone was drinking too much, to slow them down, stop them and even suggest to "temporary" regulars that they had a drinking problem. ( in a few cases people took the hint, not just from me, but with my additional input adn we lost a customer to AAA and a happier family in some instances. also one becomes so aware of people's "fronts" and insecurities. After some time I just didn't want to know things about people they did not know about themselves. I humored customers and softly, gently (I hoped) gave them feedback about their personality i.e. truthful observations. This has led to several long but arms'-length friendships. Switching to kitchen duties helped me maintain an honest but less engaged interest in regular to new customers. I can show an honest and natural greeting to people if I don't know too much about them too soon.
It certainly has influenced my behaviour when I am the customer. Yes, I tip well.
It certainly has influenced my behaviour when I am the customer. Yes, I tip well.
2
I love this article/story and it is thrilling that Edward was able to move on and will hopefully enjoy graduate school. The forbles of wealth are indeed tricky if not actually perilous. However rare there are few things better than misbehaving in a *** star NYC restaurant as compared to less conventional establishments in Paris. By misbehaving, I really mean having a good time while dining with friends. When you're having fun (irrespective of the money) the staff fall in love with you and they cannot figure out why the merriment. Then the staff members unwinds "uprightness" and everyone begins to enjoy serving you as their mood is elevated accordingly. It is the only way to fine dine in NYC and the world beyond.
4
Well written piece for sure. The stroke seen may have been inspired by a similar scene in Bonfire of the Vanities as another comment mentions but to me it may have been Ivan Bunin's The Gentleman from San Francisco that would be a more apt influence. In case Mr. Frame hasn't read it recommend it to him. Another work of literature the piece evoked was Robert Walser's masterpiece Jakob von Gunten, again, if Mr. Frame is not familiar with it, I strongly recommend it. By the way, for the type of restaurant he is describing, 0.01% would be more appropriate group to talk (or sing) about. There are not 3.3 million or even 330,000 people in this country who can indulge in such Boccaccian orgies.
7
"haunted" wine? the only thing haunted is mr frame. It will take more than graduate school to exorcise the supposed moral or social inferiority that he and his colleagues feel for the guests ("betters"). Other commenters picked-up on mr frame's twisted "ressentiment." The guests are better than he and yet gluttonous, uninformed, ignorant and on. A stroking guest, cutting a duck, the table's meal selections, etc., need not interrupt the understood (and welcome) "theatre" of such a restaurant. That is, unless you are truly nouveau riche and cannot "understand" that real human beings may both feel (and show) empathy for others (without the need to hide them behind a cart), cut a duck in a practical way and use a pad to write down a meal order, all without sacrificing the mantra of making "it nice." Indeed, seemingly incongruous things like: authenticity; practicality; and "realness;" far from sacrificing "niceness," may be a necessary condition of it.
2
Having worked multiple jobs through schooling, there was difference then (and now, from the various responses) between the lifers, who had been doing the work for 20 years and likely are still at it, who supported their families with the work and the students passing through. Some of the experiences were more pleasant than others, but long term it can been seen how it is not for everyone. But that is like any other job/profession. If it is not something you truly enjoy, it will eventually become hollow and a burden just to make money, and likely a new position or career will be needed to prevent burnout/depression/slacking.
4
The 1% crowd can be such pigs. So, the service industry caters to them. It is an act of course. Nothing less. The goal is the tip and the return business. The perfect con. You give them what they think they want, need or think they are entitled too, and they give you what they have......20%.
10
I had a similar experience working as a Captain and Sommelier in D.C. in the early 2000's. After military service in Italy, I returned and decided to devote my life food and wine. In the regimented world of fine dining, my military training allowed me to advance quickly. I would read classics and political theory by day and cater to the wealthy and powerful by night. I made lobbyists look like they knew about wine while they bought votes. I was the quiet servant of Supreme Court justices, senators and cabinet officials. It never seemed to occur to any of them that their service staff might actually understand their conversations. Few did. Fewer cared. I was pouring expensive Cognac in the background when a large tobacco company's executives celebrated a legal victory against the United States. That night, I watched as a benighted conservative hill staffer, plied with luxury, accepted that power trumped ideology. I had to tell myself daily that the war in Iraq killing my friends was immutable reality, that the fiscal and social policies of the Bush administration were beyond my influence. I should just enjoy another old Burgundy and read Hemingway. I had to be jaded. I couldn't. I left the industry and returned to school. I moved home and volunteered on progressive campaigns. I earned a law degree. I started teaching. My friends now are impressed by what I learned as a sommelier, the wine bit. I value what I learned by listening while I poured it.
387
What a wonderful homage to George Orwell's book, Down and Out in Paris and London, where as a young man he describes working in a posh Paris restaurant and relates experiences similar to this insightful young man. Appearances and presentation are what really always count in these places. The actual food and drink? Maybe.
2
An exceptionally well-written essay, absolutely literary in its ability to hold my attention. Mr. Frame ought to be a writer, if he's not one already. As for the object of his scrutiny, the female diner who left her baby at the coat check kind of sums up the takeaway from this piece: some things are far, far from "perfect".
4
Mr. Frame, a very good writer, by the way, is just describing the job that was required of him by his employer. So, don't accuse him of being "unfeeling" or having a "superscillious attitude". Humans do not survive 80-hour-per-week jobs in which they must become perfect robots without psychic damage. The pay was great and paid for grad school. But the cost to his soul was too great. Bravo Mr. Frame for realizing this truth at a young age.
The real con job is by the New York Times for creating these slice-of-life features instead of paying staff writers. How is this different from using unpaid interns and telling them they can "get exposure" or "experience"?
The real con job is by the New York Times for creating these slice-of-life features instead of paying staff writers. How is this different from using unpaid interns and telling them they can "get exposure" or "experience"?
4
I don't like the Times attitude. Instead of writing about the low wages of restaurant workers, the swindling of tips by restaurant owners (recent high end ones) they pander to readers, "share a behind-the-scenes that you think would surprise customers", "no naming names" and prop up these unsavory elite institutions. Have some backbone New York Times, lets try to change a culture that is off the rails. Not to mention the cost to the environment. Does the Food section ever address real issues in the food and restaurant industry? Mark Bitman does a very good job, he seems to be alone at the Times for this.
7
I know the author, the editor, and many readers, want desperately for this essay to be yet another indictment of the deep character deficiencies of the super-rich, or anyone who can afford a meal at a Michelin 3-star restaurant. But really, if you've worked at Olive Garden or KFC, you have experienced customers who somehow manage to project snarky entitlement and privilege even if they are ordering a mere $12.00 entree. And they often won't leave a tip. Dealing with jerky customers is a hazard of the service industry. At least if you're at the fancy places, you get compensated for the grief (if that is your perspective). Ultimately, though, most customers are perfectly civil, and they just want a decent meal or an experience that roughly justifies the price. If that is intolerable to you, or if you cannot endure the work without spinning it up into a Times-worthy social statement, then you are in the wrong business.
31
Excellent essay. "Each guest should feel special", is the ultimate goal of all service businesses. Mr. Frames recollection of one evening is a culmination of the inner workings of a fine dinning restaurant and the clientel. The 99 percent do the same things while ordering a "happy meal" with a lot less money. From the comments below, I read opinions that read into the essay in the wrong direction.
When you are more concerned about spending lots of money on a steak and a bottle of champagne or just filling the void at the drive thru, you are blind to yourself and what you are consuming. High end restaurants are suppose to pamper their guests. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. When the guest expects to do what they want, then the experience deterioates. Nobody was disrespected, but a few had no self respect.
When you are more concerned about spending lots of money on a steak and a bottle of champagne or just filling the void at the drive thru, you are blind to yourself and what you are consuming. High end restaurants are suppose to pamper their guests. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. When the guest expects to do what they want, then the experience deterioates. Nobody was disrespected, but a few had no self respect.
I was 21 and dating the son of a CEO of a Fortune 500 company in the Midwest. This company owned a very tall building and built a restaurant at the top with an outside elevator - the first one in this town, so it was a 'happening' kind of place (though not such as Mr. Frame described, not THAT fancy). I had never been a server or worked in any restaurant before and I was not a confident person. And I wanted to please so badly. I refused to slow down in the kitchen, for example, wanting to be perfect and did slip and fall hard one day, luckily my hands were empty!
On my first day a group of 18 men came in for lunch. Yikes! 18 people! And they all ordered drinks. I did the best I could, they pretty much ignored me. As they all left, one came back and said quietly to me "This is how you pour a beer" and he showed me how to tip the glass and slide the beer down the side to control the foamy head. He was very kind to do that. And....they all left me a big tip! But I will never forget the stress it brought me. I lasted six weeks. I was not cut out to be a server even though I was successful and they wanted me to stay. Just too stressful.
But I did like the ride up the outside elevator! Great view of a flat landscape.
On my first day a group of 18 men came in for lunch. Yikes! 18 people! And they all ordered drinks. I did the best I could, they pretty much ignored me. As they all left, one came back and said quietly to me "This is how you pour a beer" and he showed me how to tip the glass and slide the beer down the side to control the foamy head. He was very kind to do that. And....they all left me a big tip! But I will never forget the stress it brought me. I lasted six weeks. I was not cut out to be a server even though I was successful and they wanted me to stay. Just too stressful.
But I did like the ride up the outside elevator! Great view of a flat landscape.
9
Perhaps Mr. Frame might enjoy reading Orwell's 'Down and About Paris and London' where he barely skims by, working as a dishwasher at the Hotel X in Paris, taking a wonderful stab at the patrons, describing how the Chef plunges his fat thumb in the steak and licks it, the roast chicken falls on the sawdust floor and is brushed off with a sprig of parsley, and when there is a complaint and the soup is returned to be heated, he spits in it.
By the time, Mr. Frame finishes reading this essay, he may decide to live on cornflakes and Irish Coffee. A friend invited me to dinner in Ct. the other evening, a small little place by the sea, she described, as we approached a sprawling white mansion, I realized it was the country club with a loud band.
The young waiter was surly and looked as if he was doing us a favor.
It was astronomical nouvelle cuisine, and when tentatively asking if her tepid transparent tuna could be cooked a little more, he replied, 'This is the way the Chef cooks it'. Let me help the Chef, I replied, gently pushing back my chair, and he disappeared.
My father pitched his tent at all expensive places in New York. The Stork Club, '21', the Plaza Hotel, a long list, and he always wanted to know the name of the waiter, where he was from and a conversation would begin. He loved people and not their social background.
There's 'My Dinner with André' at an expensive joint in New York. Watch the waiters, Mesdames and Monsieurs, it's a stitch.
By the time, Mr. Frame finishes reading this essay, he may decide to live on cornflakes and Irish Coffee. A friend invited me to dinner in Ct. the other evening, a small little place by the sea, she described, as we approached a sprawling white mansion, I realized it was the country club with a loud band.
The young waiter was surly and looked as if he was doing us a favor.
It was astronomical nouvelle cuisine, and when tentatively asking if her tepid transparent tuna could be cooked a little more, he replied, 'This is the way the Chef cooks it'. Let me help the Chef, I replied, gently pushing back my chair, and he disappeared.
My father pitched his tent at all expensive places in New York. The Stork Club, '21', the Plaza Hotel, a long list, and he always wanted to know the name of the waiter, where he was from and a conversation would begin. He loved people and not their social background.
There's 'My Dinner with André' at an expensive joint in New York. Watch the waiters, Mesdames and Monsieurs, it's a stitch.
2
I'm not rich, but if I was, a 3-4 hour meal would seem absolutely miserable. And all those people hovering over my meal would drive me crazy
2
A sumptuous piece! The writing is exquisite, especially as the author captures the pleasures of hard work and also of performance. The piece is not at all a put-down of the clientele (though yes they are portrayed as gluttonous, rapacious, vain), it is about the rapture of the con, the seductiveness and allure of grace and class -- the endless human lust for invincibility, perfection. Keep writing, Mr. Frame, this piece has thrilling echoes of both Orwell and Fitzgerald, and with a little work the ending could be worked into a full-fledged tragedy a la the great naturalist writers. Write on, brother.
31
I think this was the best piece I've ever read on the business.
11
I don't see the author claiming moral superiority here. He does give us a view of the people that spend ridiculous money in this way to have "a fun, enjoyable evening".
3
Not exactly news that most of the uber rich are spoiled, narcissistic, and unpleasant in any situation.
3
Mr. Fame's crisp and well written piece is as cold and heartless as the restaurant he describes. It has the precision and discipline of a perfectly executed Navy Seal operation. I wonder who takes the hardest hit; the consenting elite or those who serve them?
1
Mr. Frame, thank you. Fine work! Even the pacing of the piece yields the feeling of taught subservience. Big Props.
" . . . we did it with a degree of self-conscious irony that our bosses seemed incapable of." That's why they're bosses?
With the world teetering on collapse from our exponential assault on geo, eco & bio networks, the guys at the bar chanting . . . It brings rage. I want take the lipstick off these parasitic killers . . . in a less than pleasant manner.
This rank form of social-rank masturbation is, in part, "a lame attempt to hide" the present and oncoming horrors for members of the money monarchy.
That philosophic orientation is not to denigrate the artistry, the refined aesthetics of fine dining . . . but this art could be practiced in a wholly different cultural context.
" . . . we did it with a degree of self-conscious irony that our bosses seemed incapable of." That's why they're bosses?
With the world teetering on collapse from our exponential assault on geo, eco & bio networks, the guys at the bar chanting . . . It brings rage. I want take the lipstick off these parasitic killers . . . in a less than pleasant manner.
This rank form of social-rank masturbation is, in part, "a lame attempt to hide" the present and oncoming horrors for members of the money monarchy.
That philosophic orientation is not to denigrate the artistry, the refined aesthetics of fine dining . . . but this art could be practiced in a wholly different cultural context.
5
LOng ago, when I still drank in bars, i was in one of my favorites (the old Lion's Head in Sheridan Square) and happened to get engaged with a couple of men at the bar who were head waiters at a then fancy (and pricey) midtown restaurant. Taking my opportunity, i asked then if what i suspected was the case: that when they sensed someone was a bit out of their depth (e.g. an out of towner sampling the big town) they would make that person feel a little humiliated --- with the result that said victim would try to buy back their self-esteem with a larger tip. They said I was right.
1
I worked at an extremely popular Jersey shore restaurant for 9 summers during the 1970s. It had to then be one of the most expensive restaurants in NJ.
Startin as potwasher, I exhibited enough talent and drive so that at the end of my second summer, after time as dishwasher, prep cook, salad chef and fry guy (no pretense of chef for the fry guy), I was promoted to swing chef, working the other chef's jobs on their nights off. And so I was working as saute chef one night next to the head chef, who worked the grill and cooked all of the beef on the menu. All of the chefs, in white coats and chef hats, was visible to the dining room.
A waitress brought back a filet mignon because the customer had ordered it medium and thought it undercooked. With a knife the head chef confirmed it had been properly cooked medium. As he lifted the filet off the plate with a spatula to put it back on the grill, he turned to me and said "But before it goes back on the grill, first it goes....on the floor." And he intentionally dropped the filet onto the floor. Then he picked it up, put it back on the grill for a couple minutes and then sent it back out to the customer.
I was appalled at the head chef's show of utter contempt for our customers, although I did not say anything to him because he was my boss. But over the thousands of restaurant meals I've eaten in the decades since then, I have never complained about any food item unless there is something objectively wrong with it.
Startin as potwasher, I exhibited enough talent and drive so that at the end of my second summer, after time as dishwasher, prep cook, salad chef and fry guy (no pretense of chef for the fry guy), I was promoted to swing chef, working the other chef's jobs on their nights off. And so I was working as saute chef one night next to the head chef, who worked the grill and cooked all of the beef on the menu. All of the chefs, in white coats and chef hats, was visible to the dining room.
A waitress brought back a filet mignon because the customer had ordered it medium and thought it undercooked. With a knife the head chef confirmed it had been properly cooked medium. As he lifted the filet off the plate with a spatula to put it back on the grill, he turned to me and said "But before it goes back on the grill, first it goes....on the floor." And he intentionally dropped the filet onto the floor. Then he picked it up, put it back on the grill for a couple minutes and then sent it back out to the customer.
I was appalled at the head chef's show of utter contempt for our customers, although I did not say anything to him because he was my boss. But over the thousands of restaurant meals I've eaten in the decades since then, I have never complained about any food item unless there is something objectively wrong with it.
6
I get it to a point but every job has repetitive and mindless aspects. The key is to get good at them. Also, when working in a service industry, there is a reward when the customer says, thank you, that was a wonderful experience.
4
This is an interesting piece, and Mr. Frame is clearly an astute observer of the human condition--and fearless. I found some of the attack on him in the comments completely un-called for. He is simply responding to the NYT prompt with a wide-ranging set of observations about his experiences working in the restaurant business. Yes the dynamic that developed between server and guest sounds nauseating (I certainly have hated it when subjected to it), but it is not of the servers' making. At most it is something the two parties create together.
32
I find the author as pretentious as the guests and this piece itself serves no purpose than to fill space.
26
That's why I make my own food. I'd grow a more significant amount if I had the time. Other countries have more amendable labor, one of the reasons the US has a net outflow of capital.
1
The "guests" that Mr. Frame served are enormously self-involved. I wonder how they would have reacted if he was the one that had the stroke. Something tells me the diners would have continued their meals and wouldn't have thought twice about him.
31
Recently in my high end dining room, a woman started to go into a stroke. I was the waitress. I knew the signs, having firsthand experience with my grandmother and a coworker in the past. I alerted her husband who was giving me his drink order. He glanced at his wife and went back to telling me how he wanted his martini, telling me she was fine. Uneasy, I finished his order and went to the bar to fetch it, all the while watching the stroke victim. I abandoned the tray of drinks and went back, telling him I was sure of what was happening. The husband told me not to worry, that she was actually sitting next to a nurse! I stood there, refusing to move. The man finally conceded the wife had strokes in the past. I RAN to call 911 as the woman went into a full on stroke.
I am not exaggerating when I tell you that not a single person eating in the dining room acknowledged the paramedics as they stormed in. Not only that, a table in my station who did not experience a single bump in their service (and who was already at the end of the dessert) desperately flagged me over (oh how I love to be hailed like a cab as I'm making eye contact with the person waving their arms) to make sure they "didn't get lost in the shuffle." When I looked at her in complete disbelief and asked "is there something I can get you right now?" The woman said, "we just want you to make sure you're still paying attention to us."
I am not exaggerating when I tell you that not a single person eating in the dining room acknowledged the paramedics as they stormed in. Not only that, a table in my station who did not experience a single bump in their service (and who was already at the end of the dessert) desperately flagged me over (oh how I love to be hailed like a cab as I'm making eye contact with the person waving their arms) to make sure they "didn't get lost in the shuffle." When I looked at her in complete disbelief and asked "is there something I can get you right now?" The woman said, "we just want you to make sure you're still paying attention to us."
234
"didn't get lost in the shuffle" That is hideous! Amazing that you kept your composure with her.
1
This is how it's always been. Find a copy of Down and Out in Paris and London. Orwell was just a dishwasher in a fancy hotel, but his descriptions of the chefs, the waiters, the dishwashers and other menials, and how they deal with each other and the customers are timeless - as this article shows once again.
33
Having worked in a fast-food restaurant, I know that even the humblest tasks can be demanding, all taking a great deal of commitment to deliver with some degree of finesse. Mr. Frame, the excellence you achieved -- even if ultimately deemed hollow -- still shows a mastery I can scarce imagine.
4
Every restaurant, whether for the rich or poor, has rituals and performances. Your emptiness comes not from serving the rich but from serving.
8
Very fine writing, Edward Frame, though it is almost incomprehensible the nincompoopery that went on in that famous unnamed restaurant in New York City. And how amazing the wealth of intense energy, sycophancy and kowtowing devoted to feeding the very rich in a restaurant. Fawning, remembering wee client idiosyncracies, but a fairly large lack of empathy - especially the amusingly sad vignette of the manager hurryig to push a Champagne cart in front of the stroke victim lying grey on the floor for 10 minutes till the EMTs arrived! Excellent that you - obviously "a swan" - left the restaurant Your piece reminded me of Peggy Lee singing "Is That All There Is?" in the 1950s.
8
As a former server, I remember well the abuse heaped upon me by some of the 1%. I had to constantly remind myself these people had no idea what it's like to work at a job like mine. But I remember, and I tip extremely well.
36
The author failed to answer an important question: How much money did he make working 80 hours at week at a place like this? How does it compare to say, Amazon, which has equally high standards and demanding hours?
11
Rather ironic that if the guest exhibited this contempt for the wait staff - they would be seen as monsters.
I would hazard a guess that Mr. Frame stared into the abyss a bit too long.
I would hazard a guess that Mr. Frame stared into the abyss a bit too long.
3
Agreed. Worse yet is to have some obsequious waiter hovering over you with his wine list. Far prefer hamburger joints.
I recently paid an incredible sum for a meal at the Met Opera which was notably inferior to the last ham and grits I had in Alabama for $1.75
I recently paid an incredible sum for a meal at the Met Opera which was notably inferior to the last ham and grits I had in Alabama for $1.75
4
How does anyone read this article and not conclude that the biggest jerk in the room is Edward Frame?
He treats his guests with contempt. He breezily assumes that no "VIPs" would ever take the first dinner seating (did it ever occur to him they may want to see a show afterwards?), believes he is in charge of dictating the pace of the experience, and has a thrill in conning his guests, the very people who provide income for him and everyone else in the restaurant.
He treats his guests with contempt. He breezily assumes that no "VIPs" would ever take the first dinner seating (did it ever occur to him they may want to see a show afterwards?), believes he is in charge of dictating the pace of the experience, and has a thrill in conning his guests, the very people who provide income for him and everyone else in the restaurant.
37
Oddly enough, I loved reading this piece and not *despite* the fact that the author himself comes across as a bit of a jerk and unrepentant con-man, but *because* of this. Yes, there is a dollop of hypocrisy and smugness here—"I'm better than these phony jerks that I have to be phony with" — but as a reader, I came away with a revelatory, well-written story about this one particular clause in our so-called "social contract" in which we are all compelled to participate. Insightful writing spares no one, and least of all its author.
3
A good read, but it left me feeling exhausted. Too much tension associated with the pleasure of dining.
3
Lately when I dine out (not fine dining) younger servers answer any requests I make with "no problem" May I glass of water, "no problem" May I have the check, "no problem" If it was a problem, I wouldn't ask.
10
I couldn't agree more. "No Problem" is, unfortunately, becoming the new "My Pleasure" response that one still receives for any request at a Ritz Carlton property.
I was in a four-star restaurant in NYC last week and the staff said "No Problem" at least 5 times. This term needs to be removed from the vocabulary of anyone in the customer service industry.
I was in a four-star restaurant in NYC last week and the staff said "No Problem" at least 5 times. This term needs to be removed from the vocabulary of anyone in the customer service industry.
4
Saddest and most depressing thing I've read in a long time. And a tad scary. Glad I put a Bernie sticker on my car yesterday. Not that it will do any good.
60
This has been so enlightening! To someone who will never set foot in a super-top dining establishment - neither as a customer, due to economics, nor an employee due to laggard abilities - most enlightening indeed!
12
I very much appreciate your writing, Mr. Frame. You took me right into that world and it was eye-opening and jaw-dropping. And for the record, I'm glad you left it for greener pastures (at least emotionally and spiritually).
I can imagine the 1% chanting, enjoying life by drinking their $1,000 bottles of booze and mocking the 99% of Americans who struggle, living for a year on what they make in a couple of days - or hours. They are too stupid to understand this growing equality will end their way of life. With no understanding and change from them, It's just a matter of time until civil strife that plagues us weekly now will become daily and keep on heading towards true civil break-down.
I can imagine the 1% chanting, enjoying life by drinking their $1,000 bottles of booze and mocking the 99% of Americans who struggle, living for a year on what they make in a couple of days - or hours. They are too stupid to understand this growing equality will end their way of life. With no understanding and change from them, It's just a matter of time until civil strife that plagues us weekly now will become daily and keep on heading towards true civil break-down.
59
These guests want and need to feel superior. It is very important for them to know that someone is working to please them. We no longer dine with friends who are extremely wealthily. I find it unappetizing when they treat the staff like peasants and am well aware that the staff can be very clever at mimicking respect. i find my mind wandering off to a place of starving children while the game is being played. Perhaps both clientele and worker can instead stay home and send some food and money to the needy. At least they will both be doing something positive.
27
we live in topanga canyon, california a generally middle class, echelon of liberalism and privilege. our local bistro is staffed by a generally casual but attentive bunch, but there is one server who clearly comes from a different dining employ. with his soft (read) french accent, he is unobtrusive, yet attentive, gives quiet direction to the runners, always polite, gracefully deft with a plate and a bottle of wine, he is a joy to watch and interact with. on our weekly friday night "date" we look forward - after toiling all week in a world consumed by selfishness and entitlement, to being served by such decency, kindness and professionalism. of course we tip well. importantly, we want to make a good impression on him as the other way around. after all, we are regulars there.
48
I worked in a mid-range restaurant in New York. As we were closing one night, I discovered a man (not at one of my tables, thank god) passed out cold in a both.
When I told the manager, she dropped her head into her hands. Then she supervised waiters and busboys as they returned the man to some semblance of consciousness, helped him from the booth, and escorted him to a cab.
When I told the manager, she dropped her head into her hands. Then she supervised waiters and busboys as they returned the man to some semblance of consciousness, helped him from the booth, and escorted him to a cab.
1
Of course the same comedy exists in France, try Paris or Lyon. And yet there are literally thousands of rural French restaurants and bistros serving a comparable wonderful menu. The décor or service might not be 1%, but the genuine warm hospitality and quality of the meal is without equal. At 13 to 30 euros.
9
Well done Mr. Frame. I plan to use this piece in all my Sociology classes as I attempt to instruct my students on the vicissitudes of the everyday performances around which we construct of social lives.
7
Having dined at Eleven Madison Park, this describes that experience to a "t". It was a lark and a curiosity to be sure. A scene worth the price of admission, but not necessarily more than once. Well written fun piece.
9
For many years my family and I dined occasionally at New York's top tier restaurants. My father knew all of the captains and although we were known to come in once per year the service was stellar. Over the past ten years we all noticed that the restaurants were catering more and more to those who order a $1000 bottle of wine as if it were club soda, and frankly couldn't describe the nose or flavors if their life depended on it; it was only because it was expensive that they ordered it. Food became secondary, and as described in the article, seeing older wealthy "gentleman" with either trophy wives, or "escorts" became the norm. The idea of dressing for such a special occasion also became lost, and the anything goes attitude because "we are the 1%" was all that mattered. We as a family now choose to dine at restaurants where the FOOD is what matters, with chefs who love what they create and where they and their servers love to see people enjoy the fruits of their labor. I simply have no desire to eat with those who have such low self esteem that they must be fawned over by staff and their self worth is described by a five figure bill; how sad it sounds like Donal Trump.
29
I'm a longtime chef. In Europe, being a waiter in a high end restaurant is a perfectly respectable *profession.* and other than the anecdote about customers chanting "we are the 1%," which sounds awfully apochyrphal in the context of the restaurant he's describing, there is little rational reason for the contempt expressed by Mr. Frame. And don't forget that when Frame drops a "five figure check," his portion of the tip is well over $1000, putting him squarely in the 1% himself.
And the story of the man collapsing was utterly appalling. Thirty years ago, a cry from a waiter about a choking customer had me dashing out of the kitchen to apply the Heimlich maneuver. It is either incredible or incredibly sad and unacceptable that nobody on staff had an idea of what to do in a medical emergency, and this story also had the ring of untruth.
People like Mr. Frame give the hospitality industry a bad name. The industry is better off with him departed.
And the story of the man collapsing was utterly appalling. Thirty years ago, a cry from a waiter about a choking customer had me dashing out of the kitchen to apply the Heimlich maneuver. It is either incredible or incredibly sad and unacceptable that nobody on staff had an idea of what to do in a medical emergency, and this story also had the ring of untruth.
People like Mr. Frame give the hospitality industry a bad name. The industry is better off with him departed.
36
I got the same impression. I think much of the story is made up.
2
Great piece! Not surprising that the staff at certain restaurants feel that they are part of a con. A British food writer recently wrote an excellent and hilarious take-down of 4 exclusive New York restaurants (probably this guy's former employer is one of them). She writes about such things as waiters having to stand with their feet exactly 6 inches apart. At one point she goes back to her hotel room and vomits up half of her $800 dinner. It caused quite an uproar in some circles. The title of her piece is "A Goose in a Dress."
7
Oddly, as a medical professional it was the last few paragraphs that really stuck with me. Should wait staff and restaurant owners be taught basic CPR including the Heimlich Maneuver. These are simple things to learn that could certainly save a life, especially when there is too much eating and drinking going on.
9
Possibly the most self righteous self serving article I have seen in a world of self serving blogs and Facebook. You fall into a classic circle of judging those you think are judging you and also failing to understand some basic truths about not only hospitality but good work in general.
Have you even accounted for the many people that aspire to go to these restaurants, save their money, plan their special occasions and celebrations around their reservation and truly look forward to the special experience that they will enjoy. Not every diner is a 1%er and not every 1%er is a jerk. In every corner of society there are entitled people and sometimes it has nothing to do with money.
Grow up.
Have you even accounted for the many people that aspire to go to these restaurants, save their money, plan their special occasions and celebrations around their reservation and truly look forward to the special experience that they will enjoy. Not every diner is a 1%er and not every 1%er is a jerk. In every corner of society there are entitled people and sometimes it has nothing to do with money.
Grow up.
50
I would love it if I was a server and my table was judging me. That would show that they cared.
I once worked as a server for a caterer-friend at Tommy Hilfiger's crib in Greenwich. They looked at me like I was a annoyance when I was presenting the Hors D'oeuvres. They ate none. When I went back with the tray full, my friend asked "why are they not eating them?" She said, go back try again. Still they did not want any and simply looked at me "in-some-type-of-way". I'll never forget that experience.
I once worked as a server for a caterer-friend at Tommy Hilfiger's crib in Greenwich. They looked at me like I was a annoyance when I was presenting the Hors D'oeuvres. They ate none. When I went back with the tray full, my friend asked "why are they not eating them?" She said, go back try again. Still they did not want any and simply looked at me "in-some-type-of-way". I'll never forget that experience.
2
I have worked in fine dining and upscale retail for much of my life. I never had a problem with clients whose money had been "aged" over many decades. It was the new money 1 percenters who were a pain, ie. the ones who buy symphony tickets because they think it shows how educated and classy they are, and spend the concert kicking the back of your seat like children on an airplane and rattling their jewelry.
One of the nicest people I had the privilege to meet and serve was a Rockefeller cousin. Down to earth and very pleasant. The new rich should take a hint.
One of the nicest people I had the privilege to meet and serve was a Rockefeller cousin. Down to earth and very pleasant. The new rich should take a hint.
16
In my experience, the richer they are the more boring, intellectually bereft and cold-hearted toward "the other" they are. After about three generations they develop some class.
2
I never worked at a restaurant like this, but I wish I had. I would have enjoyed fleecing the super-rich rather than the typical transactional relation we all enjoy with them. That's assuming they tip well. Do they? The restaurants where I worked were low-end but the tips were good, relatively speaking. I've read however that the rich typically are not at all generous unless it gets their name on a building or wing.
3
As a rule, the richer they are the less they tip.
1
I'm sure the diners in fast-food restaurants are not particularly courteous or nice to employees who serve them, either. The problem is more of a decline in parenting, manners and morals in the whole of society.
9
Regardless of what the author thought of him, or how rich he was, this poor customer deserved better than this article or the way he was treated. When someone becomes gravely ill in a public place it is the least we can do to call an ambulance and clear the area to allow some privacy. This is life. Does this grad student think an emergency in an office, train station or MacDonald's is different? Not everyone has the ability to recognize an emergency and take a leadership role, but we can at least look back on the situation and learn from it. Given this article, I don't believe this author learned much.
9
In the 70's one summer I was a short order cook on an island off Massachusetts.
I hadn't worked before in a restaurant, but I picked it up. The secret of cooking wasn't doing one thing, then another; rather it was a constant juggling of things going on all at once. I thought it was the most stressful job because mistakes are inedible but tardiness was unacceptable.
I didn't know restaurants fry bacon and even steaks in a fryalator sometimes to get things done quickly.
I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted to except fried clams; they came in a paint can from Ipswich and cost plenty.
My mother and her friend came in once. Her friend played a joke on the waitress, telling my mother in a loud voice "I love this place, no one recognized me!" The waitress asked for her autograph.
I hadn't worked before in a restaurant, but I picked it up. The secret of cooking wasn't doing one thing, then another; rather it was a constant juggling of things going on all at once. I thought it was the most stressful job because mistakes are inedible but tardiness was unacceptable.
I didn't know restaurants fry bacon and even steaks in a fryalator sometimes to get things done quickly.
I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted to except fried clams; they came in a paint can from Ipswich and cost plenty.
My mother and her friend came in once. Her friend played a joke on the waitress, telling my mother in a loud voice "I love this place, no one recognized me!" The waitress asked for her autograph.
2
Serving elaborate meals to the super-rich may have left Edward Frame feeling empty, but reading this made me feel sickened for his lack of empathy and outright cruelty. There are too many elements to his character that ring of sociopathy. This is an individual that should never be trusted to work with other human beings in any service capacity. I'm unsure about who should feel most embarrassed by their affiliation with Mr. Frame, the restaurant that employs him, the New School masters program, or the NYX for disseminating such drivel.
17
Clearly, you have never waited tables. Nor, likely been a member of the service industry. I am someone who often dines at expensive restaurants, and I will be the first to tell you that the work that these people perform is nothing short of miraculous. Guests are rude. Guests are obnoxious. And guests of this type of establish are nothing if not entitled. I value my days waiting tables in the popular East village establishments of the 80's -- the regulars who would tip me 15% on a $1.25 breakfast special, the heroin addicts who would shoot up in the bathrooms between courses. It wasn't this level of service by any means, but it was indeed service. Serving people -- and especially serving people sustenance (other than to family and friends) -- is a very specific form of humility. And once you've experienced it, you never again look at waitstaff the same. You never say "Give me" or "Get me". You ask, "May I please have", you make eye contact, and you tip well, not because you're trying to impress anybody but because you know that this job is at its best, not fun, and at it's worst, thoroughly humiliating and soul crushing. The author is by no means a "sociopath". The author is Dorothy lifting the veil on the Oz of last night's dinner.
4
Thank you for the write up. And I did notice the snide comments from some NYC super rich or rich wannabees about the "Left Bank Bordeaux".
US, like those countries where sometimes the poor, or the middle class, come to become rich or super rich (not always for their passions, intellectual pursuits, freedom, art, love or just ordinary middle class security) there is always the "tendency to be excessive". If old rich can be snobbish, stupid and supercilious, new rich can be uncultured, uncouth and unrefined. It all exists in the US, and certainly in NYC. Very few can work in hospitality or tourism industry with genuine warmth, courtesy and joy of working for customers (who pay well, are regulars or have a sincere interest in the workers...no matter what their economic status).
I have been fortunate enough to have had many waiting staff be genuinely good to me. There was something about my empathy, my social work values, my genuine concern for workers, my down to earthiness, my humor and my authentic niceness that always attracted the best servers. And I am just middle class, or lower middle class (though with a Ph.D. and some global travel).
The ones who were mean were usually White men who resented serving a women of color (like me), some women who hated confident assertive women of color (like me), or people who were bitter about their lives and ended up in the hospitality business without choice....resenting everything. And I am the disappearing middle class
US, like those countries where sometimes the poor, or the middle class, come to become rich or super rich (not always for their passions, intellectual pursuits, freedom, art, love or just ordinary middle class security) there is always the "tendency to be excessive". If old rich can be snobbish, stupid and supercilious, new rich can be uncultured, uncouth and unrefined. It all exists in the US, and certainly in NYC. Very few can work in hospitality or tourism industry with genuine warmth, courtesy and joy of working for customers (who pay well, are regulars or have a sincere interest in the workers...no matter what their economic status).
I have been fortunate enough to have had many waiting staff be genuinely good to me. There was something about my empathy, my social work values, my genuine concern for workers, my down to earthiness, my humor and my authentic niceness that always attracted the best servers. And I am just middle class, or lower middle class (though with a Ph.D. and some global travel).
The ones who were mean were usually White men who resented serving a women of color (like me), some women who hated confident assertive women of color (like me), or people who were bitter about their lives and ended up in the hospitality business without choice....resenting everything. And I am the disappearing middle class
1
During summer college recesses in the mid 70's I worked as a waiter at several of the premier dinner houses in Lake George, N.Y. Although none were as elegant as the one Mr. Frame eloquently describes, the clientele was upscale and the food very good. In those days of little money and dorm food I was as likely to have dinner as a customer in a place like where I worked as I was to have an audience with the Pope. I was greeting a table of 4 one night, husband, beautiful thin wife, and 2 very pretty daughters about my age, probably also in college, although, unlike me, probably a prestigious one. The perfect table I liked to work because I could flirt with the girls and often arranged to meet them late after work at one of the clubs that gyrated till 4 am. I asked for a cocktail order and the husband replied, "young man, I like my martini's dry, my steaks rare, and my women lean". I said, "yes sir, will that be vodka or gin"?
A little tip for restaurant patrons. Although the places I worked gave us our charge card tip money every night, many places do not, making it difficult for the server. To this day I always charge my meals but always tip in cash.
A little tip for restaurant patrons. Although the places I worked gave us our charge card tip money every night, many places do not, making it difficult for the server. To this day I always charge my meals but always tip in cash.
4
An enjoyable behind the scenes look at what it takes to serve the perfect meal. I recently dined at one of NYC's two star restaurants. I'm neither rich nor famous but I have a great appreciation for fine dining and having run the food operation on a navy aircraft carrier have a sense for what it takes to please the customer albeit in a much different setting.
We skipped the thousand dollar bottle of wine though the meal cost almost that much. Over the course of the dinner we made small talk with the staff as they served us beautiful and delicious food. By the time we finished I knew the captain and the waiters name, their families name, and where they were from. I hope I came across that I cared about them as a person. Tonight their role was to serve me a great meal. Tomorrow my role may be to defend them as a member of the armed forces. I didn't sense that many of the diners in the restaurant were overly impressed with where they were eating but I hope that some, like me, felt they were in a special place working with true professionals.
We skipped the thousand dollar bottle of wine though the meal cost almost that much. Over the course of the dinner we made small talk with the staff as they served us beautiful and delicious food. By the time we finished I knew the captain and the waiters name, their families name, and where they were from. I hope I came across that I cared about them as a person. Tonight their role was to serve me a great meal. Tomorrow my role may be to defend them as a member of the armed forces. I didn't sense that many of the diners in the restaurant were overly impressed with where they were eating but I hope that some, like me, felt they were in a special place working with true professionals.
3
wonderfully well written.
The reference should be to Sartre who furthered Marx's idea of estrangement to 'mauvais fois' or bad faith..
We call it phoniness or in authenticity in english.
Sartre uses the exaggerated gestures of the waiter as an example.
Now the waiter is not necessarily lying-he does not recognize he is being phony or untrue to himself. A liar recognizes truth from falsehood..but bad faith doesn't. The waiter instead believes in his role and thinks this is an authentic and ethical gesture..However, he betrays his real sense of self and ignores what is true and real.
obviously, all expensive restaurants practice bad faith. Customers are misled into believing they are being engaged personally when actually its just business. Like prostitution, high end restaurants want to hide this fact with the illusion that the customer is a friend.
The story exposes how people can be so duplicitous. Sartre reminds us we always have a choice in every matter: we are condemned by freedom.Yet the pressures from others greatly hinder making authentic choices..
The reference should be to Sartre who furthered Marx's idea of estrangement to 'mauvais fois' or bad faith..
We call it phoniness or in authenticity in english.
Sartre uses the exaggerated gestures of the waiter as an example.
Now the waiter is not necessarily lying-he does not recognize he is being phony or untrue to himself. A liar recognizes truth from falsehood..but bad faith doesn't. The waiter instead believes in his role and thinks this is an authentic and ethical gesture..However, he betrays his real sense of self and ignores what is true and real.
obviously, all expensive restaurants practice bad faith. Customers are misled into believing they are being engaged personally when actually its just business. Like prostitution, high end restaurants want to hide this fact with the illusion that the customer is a friend.
The story exposes how people can be so duplicitous. Sartre reminds us we always have a choice in every matter: we are condemned by freedom.Yet the pressures from others greatly hinder making authentic choices..
2
Though I did not work in Michelin-starred restaurants, I was a waitress in one in Chicago whose chef is now a famous television personality. There was a certain precision but not a stuffiness. I loved waitressing; besdes the good money, it was fun. I though of each table as a performance. Sometimes I would put on an accent and engage customers with tales of my life in another country and what "brought me to America". I also took my own informal poll: We were required to wear either beige pants or skirt; which would get me bigger tips? No surprise. Skirt won every time.
2
My mother's step father owned a small family restaurant in the Miami area. I worked there from age 12 to age 18.
What we did on a much less grand scale was exactly what Mr. Frame describes. Our "guests" were to be greeted by name if they were regulars, the bartender recognized my Aunt's hand signal for wine or beer. She didn't memorize the customer's request. The kitchen likes paper checks to follow. I would be in my corner washing dishes. I also was in charge of preparing the spaghetti keeping track of up to six boiling pots of water so as not to under or over cook it. I also tracked multiple orders mixed in the same pot to save time. I also made subs and if there was time helped roll the pizza dough out by hand with a rollling pin.
Our goal? make sure the customer was happy. when we closed on Monday we were still in there cleaning and meeting vendors. The exterminator was a weekly must. Poorly prepared food comes in second to the sight of a roach.
I see that we were just copying the experience of the Michelin rated places. Our goals are the same. Make the customer happy and want to come back. Our jobs depended on it.
What we did on a much less grand scale was exactly what Mr. Frame describes. Our "guests" were to be greeted by name if they were regulars, the bartender recognized my Aunt's hand signal for wine or beer. She didn't memorize the customer's request. The kitchen likes paper checks to follow. I would be in my corner washing dishes. I also was in charge of preparing the spaghetti keeping track of up to six boiling pots of water so as not to under or over cook it. I also tracked multiple orders mixed in the same pot to save time. I also made subs and if there was time helped roll the pizza dough out by hand with a rollling pin.
Our goal? make sure the customer was happy. when we closed on Monday we were still in there cleaning and meeting vendors. The exterminator was a weekly must. Poorly prepared food comes in second to the sight of a roach.
I see that we were just copying the experience of the Michelin rated places. Our goals are the same. Make the customer happy and want to come back. Our jobs depended on it.
5
As Guy Debord wrote many decades ago, we increasingly live in a society of the spectacle -- all form with little substance. While the wealthy and the powerful perpetuate that society in innumerable ways we are all complicit in various ways. Whenever the underbelly of that society is revealed, as it is in this piece, many people rise up in protest because it reveals too much about either the power we hold in shaping spectacle or our complicit participation in the spectacle.
2
This kind of polished professionalism is a peculiar substitute for anything even resembling humanity in many places the serve the .1%. A similar version gets served up to everyone else in telemarketing centers or customer service operations; the scripts, the tight politeness, the diligent deftness. Fine dining does it with more finesse, but the performance euphoria and vapid emptiness of it eventually wears away the patience it takes to offer this kind of service.
It's a contortion that, however occasionally pleasing, is an expression of utter classism, the worst kind - the crushed underclass and the observing rich having a marvelous time or the exulted customer whose needs must be met. It's a banner of inequity. Mr. Frame etched it perfectly.
It's a contortion that, however occasionally pleasing, is an expression of utter classism, the worst kind - the crushed underclass and the observing rich having a marvelous time or the exulted customer whose needs must be met. It's a banner of inequity. Mr. Frame etched it perfectly.
2
I am surprised at those who would criticize the quality of writing - think what you may of Mr. Frame's personality or ethic, but one would have to be hard pressed to deny that he more than adequately captures the aura and the dynamics of a fine dining restaurant.
My first true experience at a fine dining restaurant on the serving side was at La Rochelle, a French restaurant at the Oberoi hotel in anew Delhi. This is back in the early 1990s when truly fine dining restaurants were few in number in "socialist" India - and this was one of them. The abode of industrialists, politicians and ladies who lunched.
I still remember the Captain - Senior Anthony, called thus because he had the title of Senior Captain - a man risen from the ranks and so competent that this flagship restaurant didn't even have a full time manager overseeing it. A man who was impeccably polite, dignified and well spoken to the guests, and would come in the back of the house and yell and order us about with the filthiest of Hindi curse words, striking terror in our hearts.
He was the reason I decided to move out of Food and Beverage towards sales and marketing, thereby initiating a very different career path, so I suppose I should be grateful.
My first true experience at a fine dining restaurant on the serving side was at La Rochelle, a French restaurant at the Oberoi hotel in anew Delhi. This is back in the early 1990s when truly fine dining restaurants were few in number in "socialist" India - and this was one of them. The abode of industrialists, politicians and ladies who lunched.
I still remember the Captain - Senior Anthony, called thus because he had the title of Senior Captain - a man risen from the ranks and so competent that this flagship restaurant didn't even have a full time manager overseeing it. A man who was impeccably polite, dignified and well spoken to the guests, and would come in the back of the house and yell and order us about with the filthiest of Hindi curse words, striking terror in our hearts.
He was the reason I decided to move out of Food and Beverage towards sales and marketing, thereby initiating a very different career path, so I suppose I should be grateful.
2
Shakespeare wrote "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." If Mr. Frame felt empty it was an emptiness of his own making. It is fortunate for his story he was able to say he was serving meals to the "super-rich" as these days that will gain a certain cheap sympathy in some quarters. But the truth is Frame would likely have felt just as empty, and just as contemptuous, serving the typical reader of this column in a franchise restaurant. But the story has a happy ending. Since he is in graduate school at the New School for Social Research he will no doubt find employment in a field where he can view actual productive labor from a suitable distance.
6
If "eating like that is bad for you", eating like this is good for you. My table faced Lake Como and a view of the boats gliding day and night. Before me was the lake's vista: from the water tinged by sunset to the Alpine mountains of forest green. A squall of rain had left in its place the scent of flowers and wet grass. My table was set with silver-plate and dishes stamped with the hotel's crest; likewise the water glass, flute, and wine glass. The waiter had filled my flute with Prosecco and delivered the first course: salmon carpaccio and caviar served with triangular toasts. It was followed by tagliatelli tossed in butter, parmesan cheese, and truffle shavings. I lifted my glass and saluted the restaurant: the chef, captain and waiters: "The Italians," I said "are unique. They alone have a special gene for giving pleasure."
3
My experience was from the opposite end of the restaurant spectrum. As a teen, I worked in a small Mexican restaurant. Nothing fancy, but the food was authentic and delicious. Guests ranged from the same bespoke-suited 1%ers that Mr. Frame served, to house painters who arrived in splattered coveralls. My limited experience makes me understand the mindset Mr. Frame describes.
In the Mexican restaurant, all the servers were female, and we were required to wear an embroidered, sheer white sleeveless top. I had regulars--guys in suits, always--who would use the sheer top to sexually harass me. They all wanted to "feel the fabric," making sure to grab the shirt and touch my skin beneath before I could spin away. Or they asked me to pour extra glasses of water so they could look at my bra through the generous armholes. The first time this happened, I went red-faced to my manager to ask how to handle it. She told me that I was lucky--that if I played along, they would leave a big tip. They did. This humiliating game was repeated weekly. The big tip didn't begin to make it feel right.
One woman used to come in daily for lunch and complain that our iced tea was "stale." My job included making a fresh batch of brewed iced tea when I arrived at 10am. And yet, she insisted that I make her iced tea on the spot, at her table, with boiling water, tea bags, and a pitcher of ice. My orders piled up. She never left a tip. I can see how long-term service work might turn one cynical.
In the Mexican restaurant, all the servers were female, and we were required to wear an embroidered, sheer white sleeveless top. I had regulars--guys in suits, always--who would use the sheer top to sexually harass me. They all wanted to "feel the fabric," making sure to grab the shirt and touch my skin beneath before I could spin away. Or they asked me to pour extra glasses of water so they could look at my bra through the generous armholes. The first time this happened, I went red-faced to my manager to ask how to handle it. She told me that I was lucky--that if I played along, they would leave a big tip. They did. This humiliating game was repeated weekly. The big tip didn't begin to make it feel right.
One woman used to come in daily for lunch and complain that our iced tea was "stale." My job included making a fresh batch of brewed iced tea when I arrived at 10am. And yet, she insisted that I make her iced tea on the spot, at her table, with boiling water, tea bags, and a pitcher of ice. My orders piled up. She never left a tip. I can see how long-term service work might turn one cynical.
36
Well-written piece, Mr. Frame. I question, with respect, the visceral reactions of commenters here about how this exemplifies what is grotesque about the 0.1%ers. I agree many of them are grotesque, but it's not because they like a fine dining experience. Who among us, living at any percentile, doesn't like that? Compared to how people lived throughout history until a few decades ago, you would be a decadent king bringing home delicious Popeye's chicken and bisquits to your air conditined home to watch a Mets on a flat screen tv.
No, what is grotesque about many of the (American) 0.1%ers is that they leverage their power to steal more and more wealth for themselves, skirting fair taxation, and creating an economic slavery for the 99%, where raising a family, enjoying a weekend, and having a secure retirement is impossible for the non-wealthy, all the while their own unborn 5x great grandchildren will never have to work a day in the lives. If the American 0.1%ers didn't do that, they would be fine, including having a meal where perfection is the goal. It's a lot of fun, and honest capitalism is good for us all.
I mean no offense to my brothers and sisters here who vent at the 0.1%ers, but let's make sure we pick our battles wisely, or our gripes will become background noise.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to a cheap brunch where I hope to pretend that I knew left bank merlot, right bank cabernet before this morning. And I hope my service is impecable.
No, what is grotesque about many of the (American) 0.1%ers is that they leverage their power to steal more and more wealth for themselves, skirting fair taxation, and creating an economic slavery for the 99%, where raising a family, enjoying a weekend, and having a secure retirement is impossible for the non-wealthy, all the while their own unborn 5x great grandchildren will never have to work a day in the lives. If the American 0.1%ers didn't do that, they would be fine, including having a meal where perfection is the goal. It's a lot of fun, and honest capitalism is good for us all.
I mean no offense to my brothers and sisters here who vent at the 0.1%ers, but let's make sure we pick our battles wisely, or our gripes will become background noise.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to a cheap brunch where I hope to pretend that I knew left bank merlot, right bank cabernet before this morning. And I hope my service is impecable.
17
I worked a service at Daniel on East 65th street (I was training for a job at a different Daniel Boulud restaurant). During my night there I observed a quietly remarkable conversation between the General Manager and the Service Director, both Frenchmen of classical hotel-school training. The issue was a Swiss Child of maybe 8 who had fallen asleep under the table, and whose parents refused to wake him up. The Service director was thinking of the other guests: "people don't pay to come to Daniel and see sleeping children." The General Manager was thinking of the parents: "People don't pay to be told where their children can and cannot sleep either." At the end of the day they met in the middle and the child was moved to an empty banquet where he slumbered away for the rest of the 3 hour meal.
I fell into the category of server Mr. Frame is speaking of: beaten down by the opulence of my patrons and the mechanical nature of the work into a deep cynicism about my job and about the guests' I served. But there was a special breed of professional who derives a genuine pleasure about repeatedly making people happy, no matter how nasty and undeserving they actually are. These two men fell into the last category, and seeing them fuss so much over the circumstance of this one difficult table I wasn't sure if it was heroic or pathetic.
I fell into the category of server Mr. Frame is speaking of: beaten down by the opulence of my patrons and the mechanical nature of the work into a deep cynicism about my job and about the guests' I served. But there was a special breed of professional who derives a genuine pleasure about repeatedly making people happy, no matter how nasty and undeserving they actually are. These two men fell into the last category, and seeing them fuss so much over the circumstance of this one difficult table I wasn't sure if it was heroic or pathetic.
17
In my perception, expensive restaurants are like expensive cars. It is not about the product, it is about the status. The point is to be able to get a reservation and to easily and breezily be able pay the check. It does not surprise me that men would chant "we are the 1%" at the bar, because that is exactly the purpose of going to the place. I doubt that all too many patrons actually cherish the culinary experience, just like I doubt that most drivers of expensive cars actually care about the vehicle's performance.
4
An interesting and well-written piece, but I can't help feeling that the intent is more theatre than substantive political analysis. Strangely coincidental, my long-time girlfriend/partner and I partook of fine dining this week, in celebration of her birthday. We are by no means part of the 1%, but I've had a good year, and as a special treat I took both of us to Blue Hill @ Stone Barns, Dan Barbers place in Westchester - one of the top 50 restaurants in the world. Our experience there was completely different from the one described in Mr. Frame's article. Hugo, our captain, was skilled, knowledgable, warm, enthusiastic and waxed lyrical about how much he enjoyed working there. The servers were exemplary, the food divine. We were invited to enjoy some of the courses in the kitchen itself, and the atmosphere was intense, but it seemed very clear that it came from a passion to make the best food possible from the finest ingredients. Everyone we spoke to seemed completely engaged in what they were doing, treating it not as a job but as a vocation, a calling. Perhaps it's Dan's overall philosophy and approach that made a difference, but I saw nothing of the phoniness and superficiality Mr. Frame describes. I do have issues with the contradiction between it's exclusivity and Dan's philosophical basis of sustainability and access to real food, but I can't fault him or his organization on their passion, skill, honesty, dedication and belief in what they do.
1
My summer job from 1964 until I went into the Navy late in the summer of 1968 was second butler/first footman in a Newport summer cottage. I quickly learned the "perfection part" that can make a Downton Abbey series so interesting. I also learned to keep a straight face when a perennial "extra man," consuming a five course dinner, expounded on how the hamburger served at lunch at Bailey's Beach was a "perfectly balanced meal." Such formal dinners were welcome opportunities to see high fashion and spectacular jewelry; particularly the summer my employer was chairman of the Preservation Society ball and wore the Tiffany diamond that evening. As a friend of my family invited my sister and I to attend the ball, I raced home on my bicycle after dinner was over; cleaned up and changed livery for black tie. Less than an hour later I went through the receiving line extraordinarily happy to work for such a wonderful lady who looked truly radiant that night . An experience I shall always treasure and delight in recalling working for such fine family. P.S. My sister worked one summer as a tweeny for another Newport family and that is decidedly another story: something we can laugh about when sharing our memories of growing up in Newport. Glad to have read this as it makes my memories of domestic service shine brighter.
7
I was a wine manager and server (we did not do the captain thing) at a high end restaurant on the Upper West Side in the 1990's. The challenge was to become a human being while also filling the role of server. But I recognized that I was serving food to rich people. We liked what we called professional diners: they understood the tropes and routines. The best were humans, but some were clearly invested in making clear to the staff of their subordinate status in life. The owner of the restaurant was among the most extreme examples of the latter. And his young daughter was the quintessential Jewish Princess. Even at age 7, I was to her clearly a member of the servant class, to be ordered around to serve her whims. I left this, and earned a Ph.D. in Government, where I study, among other things, legal rules and processes that contribute to subordination. My students, at a public university, come from modest backgrounds.
9
This was an interesting and enjoyable article written by a student of sociology, I'm guessing. While at first enjoying his experiences working in this world and then obviously and understandably becoming disenchanted with it. These types of comparisons can be found in all professions. Most jobs can become utilitarian and off putting, and its something we often repeat many times in our lives. As a chef who was worked in some comparable establishments, I have always respected the front of the house staff as their job is not an easy one. Those who stay, usually do it as a matter of necessity. For me, this was like one episode of Downton Abbey. The world of gastronomy is amazing!
12
My husband's family owned a hotel in the Catskills during the post-war glory days. My memories of the food service was good quality, vast quantities and speedy service. After we left the area and our children were grown, we started traveling to France to learn and appreciate an entirely different way of presenting good food. At Le Florimond Restaurant in Paris and at La Grange aux Oies at the Château de Nieuil in the Charente region we found magnificent food presented in a respectful but informal manner. With few exceptions, I have not been able to find that ambience here. It's either snooty faux gourmet pretension or jeans-and-tees carelessness. To me, finding a restaurant that cares about its customers as much as it cares about its food is a rare discovery.
11
Very well written experience of an expensive service class professional written within the upstairs/downstairs paradigm. Unlike those who toil in non-profit fields like teaching, policing or behavioral professions the point of any restaurant personnel is to not only provide top notch service, but also to maximize profits which explains the need for psychological tools regarding choice of wine & careful attention to the personal habits based on dossiers. I'm sure that individuals with excellent social skills and attention to detail are selected by management similar to high end retail stores like Nordstroms or hotels like Hyatt. A similarity to all jobs in which individuals work with the public is a tendency towards burn out where the service worker begins to resent the very people who provide his paycheck. Especially so if the status and/or income between his patrons is exponential and thereby worthy of contempt based on their egregious conspicuous consumption. I wonder how many of these big spenders rely on generous IRS tax deductions to write off the complete cost of their meals thus living high on the hog off the backs of middle class taxpayers who barely can afford a night on the town at the local Red Lobster at the mall.
19
I've written about my experience waiting tables at one of Miami's over-the-top nightclub/restaurants frequented by the "Cocaine Cowboys" who ruled much of the city during the early 1980s. (All names--of people and places alike--were changed to protect the not-so-innocent!)
"By seven that evening, though, the club had found its vibe, as it would, and did, every night of the week. Couples began to pour in, lights dimmed, and corks popped. Soon the music started, and within minutes, the Plexiglas dance floor that was wedged into the room's northeast corner came alive with color, its neon arteries flashing beneath and keeping time. Lena led me to one of the larger nooks, where one of her regular customers was being seated.
"That's Alberto," she said. "We will take very good care of him."
Alberto was a heavy-set Cuban man with a dark beard; he was accompanied by three giggling, short-skirted women and a serious-faced male friend. Lena kissed everyone hello and pulled a fourth chair over from a nearby table, offering it to one of the women. Alberto's friend stood back, positioning himself against the wall; he would not sit down for the rest of the evening. His name was Jorge, apparently. He would not make eye contact with, nor speak to, anyone other than his boss."
http://litbrit.blogspot.com/2007/02/sunshine-cigar-boxes-and-semi.html
"By seven that evening, though, the club had found its vibe, as it would, and did, every night of the week. Couples began to pour in, lights dimmed, and corks popped. Soon the music started, and within minutes, the Plexiglas dance floor that was wedged into the room's northeast corner came alive with color, its neon arteries flashing beneath and keeping time. Lena led me to one of the larger nooks, where one of her regular customers was being seated.
"That's Alberto," she said. "We will take very good care of him."
Alberto was a heavy-set Cuban man with a dark beard; he was accompanied by three giggling, short-skirted women and a serious-faced male friend. Lena kissed everyone hello and pulled a fourth chair over from a nearby table, offering it to one of the women. Alberto's friend stood back, positioning himself against the wall; he would not sit down for the rest of the evening. His name was Jorge, apparently. He would not make eye contact with, nor speak to, anyone other than his boss."
http://litbrit.blogspot.com/2007/02/sunshine-cigar-boxes-and-semi.html
1
Oddly, I came away from this piece with most sympathy for the chef and ownership of the unnamed restaurant. At least they were trying to deliver a quality experience-- and seemingly succeeding.
The self-absorption and grandiosity of the guests were certainly off-putting. But even more so were the cynicism and contempt exhibited by Mr. Frame and, if his portrayal is correct, his fellow captains. Did no one endeavor to aid the guest taken ill? Perform first aid? Loosen his clothing?
Frame's self-depiction forfeits any claim that he might make as to moral superiority. And his tale bolsters the case for imposing a more progressive tax system with substantially higher rates imposed on the 1%.
The self-absorption and grandiosity of the guests were certainly off-putting. But even more so were the cynicism and contempt exhibited by Mr. Frame and, if his portrayal is correct, his fellow captains. Did no one endeavor to aid the guest taken ill? Perform first aid? Loosen his clothing?
Frame's self-depiction forfeits any claim that he might make as to moral superiority. And his tale bolsters the case for imposing a more progressive tax system with substantially higher rates imposed on the 1%.
257
What an odd response. I felt none of the things you mention. No sympathy for the owners at all, and certainly none for the patrons. But then, I am one of the 99%. And I can't imagine enjoying a "dining experience" like this at all, especially if I must share the "experience" with the others who dine there.
In a culture such as the one Ayn Rand depicted, in which every human relationship is considered in terms of a strict value-for-value transaction, the stricken guest got back exactly what he paid for.
One wonders what the guest would have done, had his server gone down with a stroke. Or rather, I, at least, don't wonder. He would have gone on eating. Probably complained about the disturbance and stiffed on the tip. And the waiter would have been thrown away with the leftovers, neither guests nor management bothering with the counterfeit variety of empathy, like Boxer the draught horse collapsing in his harness and getting sold off to the knackers.
Streetwalkers have more dignity, I think. They aren't expected to pretend to love or respect their clients.
One wonders what the guest would have done, had his server gone down with a stroke. Or rather, I, at least, don't wonder. He would have gone on eating. Probably complained about the disturbance and stiffed on the tip. And the waiter would have been thrown away with the leftovers, neither guests nor management bothering with the counterfeit variety of empathy, like Boxer the draught horse collapsing in his harness and getting sold off to the knackers.
Streetwalkers have more dignity, I think. They aren't expected to pretend to love or respect their clients.
1
Don't you see? Mr. Fame was writing about the caustic effect exposure to so much shallow posing was having on him. Far from claiming moral superiority, his essay was actually a confession of his sins, perfectly illustrated by the scenario of the stricken guest.
9
I very much appreciate the essay, which is both interesting and well written. That said, I cannot abide phoniness or pretension. Sometimes I think that so many of the wealthy suffer from low self-esteem because they have to strut their stuff, let everyone know how much they have, and generally, like children, cry "Pay attention to me! I'm important!"
The restaurant atmosphere described is a real turn off for me. I am aware enough to know that all that fawning is based upon 1) quest for business and for tips; 2) belief in my need for it (see paragraph 1 above). When I eat out, I do not want a server 'recommending' what I should eat. It drives me crazy when, after I have two bites off my plate, the server is back asking me how it is - and keeps coming back to ask me if it's 'Ok.' Do come round once or twice to see if I need something (i.e., do not put the plate down and evaporate from the dining room), but do not ask me for a reading of the meal every few minutes - that seems insecure at best, very needy at worst.
The restaurant atmosphere described is a real turn off for me. I am aware enough to know that all that fawning is based upon 1) quest for business and for tips; 2) belief in my need for it (see paragraph 1 above). When I eat out, I do not want a server 'recommending' what I should eat. It drives me crazy when, after I have two bites off my plate, the server is back asking me how it is - and keeps coming back to ask me if it's 'Ok.' Do come round once or twice to see if I need something (i.e., do not put the plate down and evaporate from the dining room), but do not ask me for a reading of the meal every few minutes - that seems insecure at best, very needy at worst.
112
To pay for college, I worked as a waiter during the summer break. That was when one could earn enough to pay for the next academic year. The restaurant was French, on the coast of Maine. The owner told me "never ask if everything is fine, of course everything is fine, so don't ask. Stay out of the way but always be present and never chat."
1
I think I can say with great confidence that you have never eaten in a restaurant where dinner for 2-3 people is $4000-$5000 (plus a tip!).
Though it can be annoying to have overly obsequious waitstaff, this author is not talking about your local Outback Steakhouse.
Though it can be annoying to have overly obsequious waitstaff, this author is not talking about your local Outback Steakhouse.
3
That's strictly a Chicago problem. You won't find that sort of hovering at fine dining establishments in NYC.
Deception, Mr. Frame? Does it not occur to you, even now, that your clientele were also putting on a performance for you and your fellow employees?
126
The clients were putting on a performance first for themselves and their table, then the other diners, followed by the chef and finally the employees.
1
The clientele were more likely putting on a performance for the other clientele, not the lowly servants.
2
Not one that was imposed on them by someone else.
Beautifully written and incisive recounting of experience.
464
What absolute, senseless introverted drivel. Not convincing as an experience and certainly not as a depiction of the dynamics behind and on stage of a
premier restaurant. The article rings false.
premier restaurant. The article rings false.
47
I worked at such a restaurant. Sounds right to me.
1
Not to me. The piece depicts so much of what is wrong in our society. The entire time I was reading, I was thinking about the hungry kids in NYC and people who pay >$500 for a pair of shoes. We live in an insane world.
6
Completely disagree. He nailed it.
5
You're a talented writer, Mr. Frame. I'm glad you left.
225
The people I know who work in hospitality do just that. They do it with all of their heart and truly care about the well-being of their guests. They are heroes, and an article like this will do nothing to help them gain more respect in the workplace. It is unfortunate that this piece reinforces a common stereotype that is often used as an excuse to mistreat people.
44
I agree. Over the last few years it has been come common for newspapers and magazines to publish articles from waitstaff, chefs, and restaurant owners who dislike, with lots of strong adjectives, their customers. This gives the readers the impression that to go out for a meal is have to be served by people who despise them.
This is so very unfair to all the folks in the restaurant business who do enjoy interacting with people, providing a good meal, good/great service.
This is so very unfair to all the folks in the restaurant business who do enjoy interacting with people, providing a good meal, good/great service.
9
Hank, the common sterotype is clientele treating their servers badly. They know they can do it safely, as any reaction by the server would cost him his job. I call such customers "bullies".
There's a Grand Canyon of difference between the majority of people who "work in hospitality" and those who serve the uber-rich. This article is describing "the game" of stroking the egos of people who have way more money than they know what to sensibly do with. The people who tidy your hotel room while you're attending a conference, for example, are providing a real service, as are the wait staff in a normal restaurant. Tip big.
2
All the Michelin star restaurants I've ever been to in Chicago were surprisingly unpretentious and were often even humorous. This was mirrored in the clientele they attracted.
More top tier restaurants should make the environment about the food and not about making every "rich" person feel like a god amongst common men.
More top tier restaurants should make the environment about the food and not about making every "rich" person feel like a god amongst common men.
141
How utterly boring, another East Coast put down and not even clever,
I feel this way about the fine restaurants we used to dine in when we lived in the Philadelphia area too: it would be difficult, if not business destroying, to pull these attitudes off there. Philly diners, especially on the high end, are well-versed in eating out and they want quality and eschew pretension for its own sake.
But I have to say: when we used to jaunt to NYC for getaways, I never encountered any coldness or insulting nonsense in any restaurant. Some of this comes down to you and how you treat wait staff.
But I have to say: when we used to jaunt to NYC for getaways, I never encountered any coldness or insulting nonsense in any restaurant. Some of this comes down to you and how you treat wait staff.
I've found a big difference in pretentiousness/seriousness between one-star and three-star restaurants.
1
Even if you are an employee of the richest restaurant or a small buffet, it is the most important for you to treat customers politely and help them feel better if they are ill. We can especially gauge the style of a restaurant in an emergency.
80
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.
62
Well written. I can tell because I stuck with it to the end. Having an interest in economics, I often just want to corner my server and get their perspective on work & life. Of course they don't have the time or interest to indulge me so this article was most welcome.
55
Here's some perspective on work and life: most of us can't afford restaurants.
1
Have you read Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain?
1
There's a well-known restaurant in San Francisco that we go to on Very Special occasions. There is nothing about my wife and I that would suggest anything but middle-class survivors. The staff has all but convinced us, in the kindest, warmest, yet tactful and low-key terms, that we are the long-lost, much-loved parents they had dreamed would finally visit. Not only first-class food and wine, but hospitality in every best sense of the word. When I tell my friends about it, I warn them -- you'll have some new best friends -- but only until you leave.
I wonder if the management had a particularly bad experience that they vowed never to replicate, or an especially good one that inspired them to new heights!
I wonder if the management had a particularly bad experience that they vowed never to replicate, or an especially good one that inspired them to new heights!
159
Bet you treat the staff with kindness, warmth and tact, and since you're thrilled to be there, they are equally thrilled to host you. Just a guess.
6
reminds me of the tune "You'll never walk alone" ... at least while you're dining and can pay the bill
3
This article is absurd in that this type of work is neither as good or as bad as anything remotely described here. Being a waiter, myself for 24 years including 3 star Michelin (NYC), was a practical, enjoyable professional job in which I dealt with the public. Guests were almost always friendly people looking to have an enjoyable time. This type of writing is bombastic and provocative but lacks any true substance. Every industry deals with the cult of personality. I'm sorry to say it but there's nothing to see here. It's just not that big a deal.
301
Whereas the writer does a darn good job displaying the machinations, Chad is spot on. I was a professional waiter for years in places like the writer speaks of. Customers/ guests were hardly "jerks," but people to respect and serve. 25% (on average was my experience as a pro) tips don't fall from the sky. I absolutely appreciated and enjoyed it and ust about everyone else did regardless of the complexities. Pros are way, way past this writers take on things (typical newbie/amatuer purview) or they wouldn't be there.
3
Your comment would have been more informative had you provided the range of years you were at the 3-star restaurants. For example, "high society" was very pampered in the industrial era of the late 1800s and early 1900s. Then after the depression, FDR's New Deal, and WWII American culture evolved to be more egalitarian. Twenty-first Century America, however, has lurched back to oligarchy and plutocracy, with all its spoiled characteristics.
4
I have a friend who has been a a waiter in "fancy" restaurants since graduating college in 1972. Obviously he likes it. I've heard my share of interesting stories, including the one embarrasingly rendered about trying to serve a Ceasar's salad while suffering from a head cold with a severely running nose. I would not fit in this world. My take on it would be more akin to the author's. If you fit in a particular mieliu, all will seem normal and copacetic. If you don't you'll be more inclined to see the pig beyond the lipstick, and likely relocate yourself. So it goes.
2
Many years ago, before I moved to NYC, I came to do an interior design job in a summer home. I was staying in the home with my client. The evening I arrived, she had invited some friends for dinner. One of her friends raised her glass and said, "Don't the poor wish they could be us?" It was the most disgusting thing I had ever heard and I knew I should put the glass down and walk out the door... but didn't have the nerve to do it. I eventually did just get up and during the night a couple weeks later when I just couldn't take it anymore, packed and took a cab to the airport. They were the coldest, ugliest people I had ever met. Truly there was not one decent thing about them. I felt dead inside and had to get out of there.
621
Jane
While this must have come as a rude surprise when the hapless woman opened her mouth, I would have burst into laughter, and egged her on. Started asking her if she knew of world famine, whether she realized that duchesses can have the mentality of a 'cook' and it she had ever met a true lady in her life, a dying species.
My husband and I, when young, visiting my family in Ireland were once packed off to dinner with the Irish-Anglo fox hunters. The Lord, whom I had known since I was a child, sat straight in his chair when my husband had a large dog hiding under the table plop his large head on his knee, causing him to make a remark, that would have made the guests laugh if it had been my father.
War broke out. The hostess and cook for the evening was from France on my left, my dinner companion on the right, a dummy in his bow tie and evening velvet jacket and a little Tweedle-Dee. As I sat between these two characters like Alice, they started going on about how gauche and stupid Americans were, imitating accents, while the woman paused and said 'your appetite doesn't do you justice'.
I have always regretted that evening because I should have walked out quietly and hitched a ride home in the freezing December dark night, packed my suitcase and told my Pops 'Lovely visit, Dad, great to see you all, and now we're off to stay in Co. Laois with my mother-in-law and her Clan, to have a few martinis under the Christmas tree'.
While this must have come as a rude surprise when the hapless woman opened her mouth, I would have burst into laughter, and egged her on. Started asking her if she knew of world famine, whether she realized that duchesses can have the mentality of a 'cook' and it she had ever met a true lady in her life, a dying species.
My husband and I, when young, visiting my family in Ireland were once packed off to dinner with the Irish-Anglo fox hunters. The Lord, whom I had known since I was a child, sat straight in his chair when my husband had a large dog hiding under the table plop his large head on his knee, causing him to make a remark, that would have made the guests laugh if it had been my father.
War broke out. The hostess and cook for the evening was from France on my left, my dinner companion on the right, a dummy in his bow tie and evening velvet jacket and a little Tweedle-Dee. As I sat between these two characters like Alice, they started going on about how gauche and stupid Americans were, imitating accents, while the woman paused and said 'your appetite doesn't do you justice'.
I have always regretted that evening because I should have walked out quietly and hitched a ride home in the freezing December dark night, packed my suitcase and told my Pops 'Lovely visit, Dad, great to see you all, and now we're off to stay in Co. Laois with my mother-in-law and her Clan, to have a few martinis under the Christmas tree'.
2
Thoroughly tasteless. Anyone with even a modicum of sensitivity and intelligence--no matter how wealthy--would never make a remark like that in public or anywhere else.
5
An example of why I won't be an interior designer.
1
I've been a server/sommelier/manager in fine dining in New York City for twenty years (and a paramedic for ten) and I find many similarities in my dual careers. My guests want guidance through menus and wine choices and my patients want help understanding their symptoms and medications. I get pleasure helping people and they enjoy the (temporary) relationship that we share. Professionalism is it's own reward and I felt a visceral reaction when the author used the word "con". No one is trying to con you in a restaurant and if you feel they are, you should speak up immediately . Gluttony is common in all parts of American life (so are most of the other seven deadly sins) not exclusive to fine dining. I've stayed in the restaurant business because I've had some of the best times of my life in a dining room and if I left I would miss it. It's somebody's birthday every night, and somebody's anniversary and someone's going away party. After a full day of K2 seizures and getting vomited on, I'm happy to change out of my uniform boots into my polished shoes and stride into the restaurant knowing that the worst thing that will happen tonight is that someone will want their duck cooked to "medium".
P.S. Right bank Bordeaux is merlot-based (Pomerol, St Emillion). Left bank Bordeaux is cabernet-based (Medoc, St Estephe, Margaux), just fyi.
P.S. Right bank Bordeaux is merlot-based (Pomerol, St Emillion). Left bank Bordeaux is cabernet-based (Medoc, St Estephe, Margaux), just fyi.
395
The staff of one of my favorite restaurants was genuinely delighted that I was planning to propose marriage one night. Their pleasure added a lot to the experience. It was genuine, that showed, and that made all the difference.
25
I agree. I worked in fine dining, at a much lower level, throughout college. In my experience there was a genuine desire to provide the paying customer quality and even establish a relationship of sorts. Most of our good natured griping was about the management not the diners. I find this piece arrogant and cynical.
6
Gluttony is an interesting thing -- in 2015 -- to be all moralistic about, as the author is. Were those rich folks (who are usually obsessed with health and thinness) really eating TOO much? Or was the food simply too "fancy"? Were they gorging themselves? (That would have made for some interesting stories, that's for sure!)
Can you really tell when any OTHER person is being gluttonous? After all, if I was going out for a $5000 dinner, that lasted 5 hours, I would not eat for a day beforehand -- so I'd be really hungry and enjoy EVER bite. I certainly would not do it if I was not hungry or distracted.
Judging another person for their relish or enjoyment of their own meal, well that's a bit like judging them for having "too much fun having sex". At what point do you have "enough pleasure" and should stop having fun?
Can you really tell when any OTHER person is being gluttonous? After all, if I was going out for a $5000 dinner, that lasted 5 hours, I would not eat for a day beforehand -- so I'd be really hungry and enjoy EVER bite. I certainly would not do it if I was not hungry or distracted.
Judging another person for their relish or enjoyment of their own meal, well that's a bit like judging them for having "too much fun having sex". At what point do you have "enough pleasure" and should stop having fun?
6
For the guest who always ordered the same thing -- double vodka, lobster, duck, no dessert -- having a stroke in the dining room was likely the most imaginative act of his life.
193
Ordering food is really not a creative act. It's just consumption.
I'm guessing that lobster and duck were his favorite foods (though to me personally, they don't "go" together). And they are foods you cannot usually eat at home -- they require elaborate preparation.
I guess he didn't have a sweet tooth.
Frankly, if I was paying $1000 or so for dinner, plus a tip, I would order exactly what I wanted and I wouldn't care much what anyone else thought about the "imaginativeness" of my order.
I'm guessing that lobster and duck were his favorite foods (though to me personally, they don't "go" together). And they are foods you cannot usually eat at home -- they require elaborate preparation.
I guess he didn't have a sweet tooth.
Frankly, if I was paying $1000 or so for dinner, plus a tip, I would order exactly what I wanted and I wouldn't care much what anyone else thought about the "imaginativeness" of my order.
9
SwissBob
Why? I always devour the bread basket first on reaching a restaurant, and then feeling quite satisfied, I don't try to be more original when it comes to the rest of the bill of fare. It is the conversation that becomes 'The Meal', while the rest of the course is expensive bird-feed. You and I may have awhile to go before we become wry wits on vodka.
Why? I always devour the bread basket first on reaching a restaurant, and then feeling quite satisfied, I don't try to be more original when it comes to the rest of the bill of fare. It is the conversation that becomes 'The Meal', while the rest of the course is expensive bird-feed. You and I may have awhile to go before we become wry wits on vodka.
1
Having been part owner of a California/French bistro, I found this article close to home. We used to say that the front of the house was theater, and the kitchen was the reality..
207
Hooker or daughter? Nice attitude, Mr. Frame. It pares well with your contempt for the people tipping you so well.
127
The aroma of prig suggests never having had a job in service.
9
So a silly game indicates that the author was not groveling enough?
12
No, it shows he's contemptuous of his clients, and specifically the women accompanying the men. I don't find that silly. I find it to be typical misogyny, masquerading as innocent fun. I don't care how rude the patrons might be. That they are rich doesn't make them more rude than your everyday boor. Perhaps Mr. Frame is simply behaving in a bad light when he serves people with money, and that's why he feels bad. He should own up to it. Blaming it on other people — it's so déclassé.
7
Man, this sounds like an awful experience for guests: you introduce yourself with a flourish to let them know you are in charge, and then you interrupt them a lot to ask them how things are, and then you get them out. Ugh, ugh ugh. Let alone the poor man with a stroke who's been blocked off by a champagne cart. This is not fine dining at all -- or good service -- or good anything.
191
cis.
I hear you. When somebody has a stroke, regardless of where it is taking place, one takes off one's professional hat and become human, while disregarding what one's boss has to say. It sounds as if the author went into frozen robot-mode. Hoping never to hear of such an incident again, the guest could easily have died, and alarming that not a single person in this place went immediately for the phone and stayed close to the entrance door to wait for the paramedics to arrive.
This places an emphasis on 'We Live to Eat', and is reminiscent of 'The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoise', a surrealistic movie by the Spanish director Bunuel, where patrons show up at a favorite Inn, greeted by the waiter and shown the Maitre D' lying dead on a slab of marble in the next room, while he proceeds to give them the menu in the empty dining-room.
I hear you. When somebody has a stroke, regardless of where it is taking place, one takes off one's professional hat and become human, while disregarding what one's boss has to say. It sounds as if the author went into frozen robot-mode. Hoping never to hear of such an incident again, the guest could easily have died, and alarming that not a single person in this place went immediately for the phone and stayed close to the entrance door to wait for the paramedics to arrive.
This places an emphasis on 'We Live to Eat', and is reminiscent of 'The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoise', a surrealistic movie by the Spanish director Bunuel, where patrons show up at a favorite Inn, greeted by the waiter and shown the Maitre D' lying dead on a slab of marble in the next room, while he proceeds to give them the menu in the empty dining-room.
3
Up to the point of the man having a stroke, I just though this was a typically haughty waiter -- sneering at the very customers who provided him with what sounds like a 6-figure income.
But the way they treated that man as subhuman -- "spoiling the atmosphere" -- was just beneath contempt. Obviously people get sick in public places. Why didn't the restaurant have a protocol for what to do in case of emergencies? Surely the protocol was not 'hide the dying man behind the dessert cart"? or was it?
But the way they treated that man as subhuman -- "spoiling the atmosphere" -- was just beneath contempt. Obviously people get sick in public places. Why didn't the restaurant have a protocol for what to do in case of emergencies? Surely the protocol was not 'hide the dying man behind the dessert cart"? or was it?
3
I suspect there was not too much interruption. It was always right, at least after the first time when the captain compiled the "book" on the guest and it made its way around. The 1% dining experience is not the same as that of you or I (unless you regularly dine at 3 star Michelin restaurants?).
3
Good piece. Good for you for leaving this job and for not having to 'make it nice' for these jerks.
36
What a great article written by quite the writer - thank you. I was a flight attendant (back a few moons ago) and often served first-class passengers who had paid several thousand dollars for a four hour trip. Needless to say, they wanted the 'experience' and like you, we 'stewies' had to con our way. I know all too well the feelings and the attitudes you describe and anyone who has replied to this article accusing you of being insensitive or surly has never had to deal with millionaires....."Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me" (F. Scott Fitzgerald).
11
If you look at any wine map of Bordeaux you'll see that Left Bank means the Medoc, right is St Emilion and Pomerol and a lot of less expensive appellations. Or in other words, the writer of this very fine piece knows what he's talking about.
21
I am not a restaurant employee but I couldn't help but visualize the scene from Dr. Zhivago" where Pasha (Tom Courtenay) shoots Kamarovsky (Rod Steiger) in the restaurant as the Russian 1% crowd dines.
40
Former waitress here -- I actually enjoyed the challenge of the job and trying to please my customers. For the most part, it was fun and there was a thrill to someone having a great meal and my feeling like I played a part in it. That said, I worked at mid-level restaurants--up a step from the local diner/fast food joint, but certainly where a middle class person could go and eat out, so can't compare my regular old experiences to Mr. Frame's 1%-style one.
37
I wonder if Mr. Frame's 1% restaurant would even hire women as servers?
6
"Executing the same tasks with machine-like precision over and over and over again, like one of Adam Smith’s nail-cutters, offered a special kind of enjoyment. There was no reflection, no question about what my job required of me, and I could indulge, for hours, in the straightforward immediacy of action."
If that's not FLOW, tell me what is. Hoooorah!
If that's not FLOW, tell me what is. Hoooorah!
75
Perhaps the author could use a math class. He claims he starts work somewhere around 5, later implies he leaves at 3 am (instead at 2), finally implying 80 hours/week. At 10 hr/day the max would be 70 and somehow I doubt he didn't take days off.
Graduate student in social research? He will probable be back waiting tables.
Graduate student in social research? He will probable be back waiting tables.
26
I'm delighted, and verily, moved, that you were able to so precisely capture and illuminate the essence of this piece.
You should obviously be in charge of something.
You should obviously be in charge of something.
19
He said he made his way to the locker to get dressed at 4:25, implying he had been working before that.
5
One word: lunch.
4
Just another glimpse into the bizarro narcissistic world of our 1%. It wouldn't be so unsettling if it weren't for the fact that these are the sort of people who have near total control of our economic and foreign policy.
620
Not the 1%...the .01% and .001%
8
And they are probably deducting the cost of the evening as a business expense!
7
And so little control of themselves...
1
Something very similar happens in Tom Wolfe's 'The Bonfire of the Vanities' - a guest dies of a heart attack at a swanky lunch spot - and the restaurant staff prioritize the VIP wine service while the guests can't be bothered from their own expensive experiences. In a novel, the episode is darkly humorous, but here, practically criminal.
170
I worked as a server when I was in college in the late 60's in a fairly well known middlebrow establishment that had pretensions to elegance. We were called waitresses then; we wrote down ALL the orders in detail. Don't worry about the "transactional " nature; it IS a transaction. When I am a customer (or "guest") at a restaurant I always feel uneasy when the server has to memorize orders. I do not trust them to get it right, and often they don't. I feel more important and cared for when someone actually takes the time to write down what I have ordered.
As for your duck problem, with the server having to carve in an awkward position so the cavity does not face the guest, simple: place a linen napkin over the carved side, turn the bird, and go after the other side with the slicing knife.
This is not the voice of experience, as the restaurant where I worked did not carve duck at the table. It's just practical common sense.
As for your duck problem, with the server having to carve in an awkward position so the cavity does not face the guest, simple: place a linen napkin over the carved side, turn the bird, and go after the other side with the slicing knife.
This is not the voice of experience, as the restaurant where I worked did not carve duck at the table. It's just practical common sense.
115
Linen napkin on top of the duck? That seems unattractive, might remove seasonings and diminish crispness, and will waste a linen napkin.
4
It probably won't remove seasoning, as the one breast at least is already carved (and the seasoning was probably applied before the bird was cooked). It won't be on there long enough to diminish crispness. Yes, it will play hell with the linen napkin. A special subset of linen napkins could be set aside for this purpose - an extra expense for the restaurant, but not a big one.
2
It seems to me that leaving restaurant work to attend graduate school is not a decision based based mainly on dissatisfaction with restaurant work but is, instead, motivated by a desire to earn a Ph.D. and become an academic.
25
Do those seated at 5:30 get early-bird discounts?
88
For the regular guy going out for a special occasion, all the attention to detail & the absolutely perfect service is an escape from the mundane into a beautiful world of superb food, service & atmosphere. I was treated to the four course meal at "Daniel" for my 65th birthday & it was a wonderful experience. I can see how it could wear on those providing that excellent service but thank all of you who provided that memorable meal for my friend & I.
214
My husband and I had dinner at Daniel on Tues August 21, 2012 - part of our 5 day visit to NYC. Our dinner of Alaska salmon was delicious, the service impeccable, the setting elegant. The night before, we had seen Amy Adams in Into the Woods at the Delacorte. We thought nothing could top that, but Daniel did. We were treated like respected friends by the "captain" and were even taken on a tour of the immaculate kitchen after our feast. We can still describe every detail of that evening, and we often do. Cafe Boulud opened in Toronto a few months later, and we immediately made a reservation. We've been there twice - it's excellent, but not quite as special as Daniel. How could it be? Daniel has had years to create a highly trained team of caring professionals. The captain, the assistants, the cooks who each contributed to our pleasure have made it their career choice to skilfully stage this event every night. No one gave us any indication that s/he would prefer to be a grad student, which in comparison is nasty, grotty work.
6
Absolutely true! We went to Per Se for my 60th birthday, and though the cost was that of a weekend trip somewhere, it was worth every penny. Incredible experience!
2
The paradox of the hospitality industry: the worship of status by its workers who aspire to more than they have while feeling more deserving of high status than those they wait on. Hence the adjective game. Or, at the low end, spitting in food. Same impulse
53
"Left bank Bordeaux?"
Bordeaux is grown in a region in the southwest of France, so all Bordeaux is "left bank," in reference to its position vis a vis Paris.
Perhaps the author was wise not to seek the sommelier position.
Bordeaux is grown in a region in the southwest of France, so all Bordeaux is "left bank," in reference to its position vis a vis Paris.
Perhaps the author was wise not to seek the sommelier position.
23
Bordeaux is often referred to with respect to its position on the Gironde river. Left bank generally being wines grown closer to Bordeaux and with a higher Cabernet Sauvignon character. Right bank wines are towards the Dordogne and the Entre-deux-mares and are often more Merlot based. So, yeah.
37
The Bordeaux region is naturally divided by the Gironde Estuary into a Left Bank area which includes the Médoc and Graves and a Right Bank area which includes the Libournais, Bourg and Blaye.
32
The author was referring to the left bank of the river that flows through the Bordeaux region, I believe.
31
That the uber rich are often profoundly decadent sybarites is hardly a news flash or even noteworthy.
The Egyptian Pharaohs, the Emperors during myriad dynasties in ancient China as well as the Monarchical leaders of France and England have all seen numerous corrupt and depraved members.
Modern America with the infamous one hundredth of the top one percent with their philistine manners are merely following the pattern of the ultra wealthy.
Moral depravity and vacuous lives are often inherent in the lives of the worldly super rich.
The Egyptian Pharaohs, the Emperors during myriad dynasties in ancient China as well as the Monarchical leaders of France and England have all seen numerous corrupt and depraved members.
Modern America with the infamous one hundredth of the top one percent with their philistine manners are merely following the pattern of the ultra wealthy.
Moral depravity and vacuous lives are often inherent in the lives of the worldly super rich.
327
Quite the location for this commenter. Truthful or ironic?
6
See: Donald Trump, for starters.
3
And in the lives of popes and cardinals.
3
I have been a guest to two 3-star restaurants in NYC and at no time did any of the wait staff I encountered "project an aura of warmth and hospitality."
Easily the most unpleasant dining experiences of my life.
Easily the most unpleasant dining experiences of my life.
179
I've been once. Ditto. Then again, I was a nobody.
9
Most theater is poor, but that does not mean there is no good theater. Most restaurant food should be given to pigs, but that does not mean there is no good food. Many rich are just weird, but some are graceful, even noble.
3
Cold sterile efficiency describes their method more accurately.
4
Thankfully most guests are pleasant. But even for polished professionals, it is demeaning and demoralizing to have to be hospitable to rude and entitled people. Some of us look at it as a game, some of us recognize these people are unaware, but at base, rewarding and reinforcing rudeness flies in the face of all that is right and proper in the bigger game called life and karma, and compartmentalizing these encounters creates a dehumanizing effect.
And as I look at this totally unsustainable, 100% oil-dependent, lifestyle we live, and make lifestyle shifts out of responsibility to the commons and to future generations, it is increasingly difficult to see the 1% as anything other than selfish, greedily consuming resources with no thought for future generations (including their own children). The 1%ers are more responsible for bringing about the demise of humanity, not only because of lifestyle choices, but because of their political power and the choices that result from that power.
Our economic paradigm of unlimited growth is clearly (apparently more clear for some of us than others) unsustainable.
And after all this dehumanization, the 1% is going to be in for a nasty ‘correction’ one day. And most of us 99% are not going to be sympathetic when that day comes.