I've always regarded myself as a friendly, caring man but if I cross paths with an RBF I am likely to say nothing at all - life is too short to waste time or energy on that unless you have no choice.
1
The word "bitch" definitely has its uses, but as a synonym for "female" it's really indefensible.
20
With arched eyebrows and downturned mouth and a pair of slightly larger than average eyes that seem to borr holes through oak treed, everyone thinks I am angry when they first see me. Even if I'm just staring off into space and thinking of unicorns and rainbows.
The male version is not called RBF, however. It's called SKF - Serial Killer Face.
I see it every time I look at my driver's license.
The male version is not called RBF, however. It's called SKF - Serial Killer Face.
I see it every time I look at my driver's license.
12
Yes, I hate this. And it is especially prevalent in the South where every girl/woman is supposed to be non-stop smiling. I stopped smiling on command around the age of eight and now at age 74 smile only if smiling is warranted. And if I want to snarl instead, I do that. I am a small woman who discovered when I entered the working world that the ability to make myself terrifying when needed was a much more useful trait. And it still is. Lots of men assume that small women can easily be run over in myriad ways; I take pleasure in showing them that this one will take revenge.
16
It appalls me that the New York Times would feel the need to perpetuate what is essentially a sexist, misogynist concept by using this term and writing an entire article about it, but surprisingly, Ms. Bennett has chosen to do so, and her editors have chosen to approve it.
Does this paper cover insulting terms ascribed to men, and then perpetuate those? I don't think so.
Please, New York Times, you can do much better than this. Leave this to Gawker, etc., and give us what we badly need: real, investigated news!
Does this paper cover insulting terms ascribed to men, and then perpetuate those? I don't think so.
Please, New York Times, you can do much better than this. Leave this to Gawker, etc., and give us what we badly need: real, investigated news!
18
Omg, I read this article a week ago and everything's changed... I will never see women the same. They all seem so passively angry now. Now I see it. Everywhere I look now. I was just in line for takeout, and I saw them everywhere sitting and standing around with their expressionless petty fury, while all the men's faces were so thoughtful and neutral. I honestly NEVER noticed this important difference between women and men and honestly never would have if not for this important article.
14
Expressionless, petty fury - well-said. I daresay I have consciously avoided what otherwise might have been valuable interactions with several women over the years simply because the look on her face was indifferent, combative, or just plain unfriendly.
3
I read about a famous photographer who was asked why his subjects almost were never seen smiling. He said that he captured the human face in its most natural relaxed state. Closed lips and no exaggerated smile.
5
It's absolutely amazing how so many people can care so much about something so stupid. I feel bad just for wasting 5 seconds of my life in this comment.
7
I think RBF is sexy, and if the woman swears a lot, well then I just can't even.
4
When I was younger, my facial expression tended towards passive or neutral, but never surly or "bitchy." Even studio pictures my mother had taken of me at the age of three show this to be my expression. I was not an unhappy child, just shy and quiet, which may or may not explain my passive/neutral expression. As a teenager, I was frequently told to "smile!" by strange men on the street (both my age and those old enough to be my father), but when I innocently smiled as instructed these same men would make unwanted advances towards me. One went so far as to stop me for directions and then brazenly kissed me on the street. Instead of slapping his face, I, instead, nervously smiled as I had so often coached. Later, in college, my passive facial expression was misinterpreted as "bitchy" by my peers, particularly the male ones. In my naive and youthful desire to please, I started to smile more and more often. Again, the unwanted advances came. As I got older, I realized that these men who constantly instructed me to smile were simply attempting to control me and the situation to their advantage. I am now trying to break what has become a habit of smiling all the time just to please others.
14
This reminds me of the 'Catwalk' face we most often see today.
I call it, "Angry Junkie" as it is the mostly expressionless face behind DEAD eyes that somehow still makes you think they would LIKE to have a Flame-Thrower to use on you.
I call it, "Angry Junkie" as it is the mostly expressionless face behind DEAD eyes that somehow still makes you think they would LIKE to have a Flame-Thrower to use on you.
7
I see these comments and I pine for the human race. You all want to go around scowling, hoping to be treated well? Smiles on the face send positive feedback to the body through neuropeptides, relieving stress. It also releases endorphins and dopamine, improving heart rate, blood pressure, and giving you a general feeling of well-being and success. The serotonin that's released improves your mood. Smiling is good for your health -- mental and physical. Smiling improves your mood and the mood of those around you. It's simply common courtesy to make the effort in a social setting.
Your resting face relies on your facial posture. Smiling more often will result in a more "smiley" resting face just as a properly-exercised back will pull a body into a proper resting posture. Calling a smile a "façade" is an excuse and rationalization. Smiling is more akin to a good workout or getting enough sleep. Yet, the people that call it a "façade" likely piled on makeup, spent an hour hot-ironing her hair, buttoned up her name brand blouse, stepped out in name brand shoes, without forgetting her name brand handbag and never caught the irony. Do yourself a favor and smile more -- it will make you more successful and make you feel more successful. Don't excuse yourself out of pettiness, jealousy, or laziness. It only hurts YOU and your personal success.
Your resting face relies on your facial posture. Smiling more often will result in a more "smiley" resting face just as a properly-exercised back will pull a body into a proper resting posture. Calling a smile a "façade" is an excuse and rationalization. Smiling is more akin to a good workout or getting enough sleep. Yet, the people that call it a "façade" likely piled on makeup, spent an hour hot-ironing her hair, buttoned up her name brand blouse, stepped out in name brand shoes, without forgetting her name brand handbag and never caught the irony. Do yourself a favor and smile more -- it will make you more successful and make you feel more successful. Don't excuse yourself out of pettiness, jealousy, or laziness. It only hurts YOU and your personal success.
2
Where is the science to support your notion that smiling more often results in a more smiley resting face?
10
As a man, I'd like to know why women think men look more attractive with a serious face than with a smile. That is just as biased as men who expect women to keep a smile on their face. As an aside, I've seldom seen a photo or film footage of Victoria Beckham when she didn't look downright angry, and certainly unhappy. Most guys find that quite off-putting. And for what it's worth, I use the same standard for men. I'd rather engage someone who looks like they're in a pleasant mood.
2
While I obviously can't answer for all women, I know that for me, at least, men who are constantly grinning for no apparent reason appear to be less intelligent or are attempting to flirt. As a single woman, I am looking an intelligent and serious (about life) man. That is not to say I do not want someone nice and pleasant, but there is a difference between a pleasant, but a serious expression on one's face and smiling when called for (such as the greeting of another person or during the course of a conversation) versus walking around with a perpetual smile on one's face, which just looks silly. It is a nuanced distinction. And for what it's worth, I agree with you that Victoria Beckham generally looks angry or unhappy.
2
People of either sex who are constantly grinning seem like airheads with no thought for others. Sure, I like to see a smile on both men and women, but please, not all the time or even most of the time.
4
I'm campaigning for RMF for men, "Resting Murder Face". It's fun, it's deliciously dangerous sounding and plays right up to the stereotype. #RMF
2
It's not only women who suffer from what others read in their "resting" face. Numerous times while waiting on line I've been met with a premptive strike when it was my turn for service. It usually goes something like "I'm working as fast as I can or I can't help it that you were delayed."
I smile, tell them that I really don't mind waiting and leave it at that. I'd feel like a total idiot if I had to consciously will myself to smile during the wait so someone wouldn't misread my expression. As they say it's their problem, not mine.
I smile, tell them that I really don't mind waiting and leave it at that. I'd feel like a total idiot if I had to consciously will myself to smile during the wait so someone wouldn't misread my expression. As they say it's their problem, not mine.
4
The people you discuss generally have no connection to faith communities. When it's just you against the world all the disasters that happen to Hilloywoodies - with no support system from a church group that you trust - of course the anger is going to show.
Not that religious people smile all the time, but they smile enough to comfort some observers and disturb others, which is a good thing.
Not that religious people smile all the time, but they smile enough to comfort some observers and disturb others, which is a good thing.
Speak for yourself, Steve, and for those in your congregation. Some of us religious types have plenty to be thoughtful about.
9
My college French teacher, who was French, said she thought Americans were weird because they were "smiling all the time." Maybe I should take my RBF to France where no one will mind.
13
But then, after you get back home, you'll probably smile a lot because wearen't as messed up as Paris is.
1
My father died from a sudden heart attack before I was 30. Life goes on, as it does, and soon after I was walking to the store to buy groceries. I could barely stop the tears from rolling down my face.
Can you believe that at this point, strange men felt the need to tell me to smile? I mean, how callous can you get? Did they think I was upset because I broke a nail or was having a bad hair day? Was it really that unfathomable that I had a good reason for not smiling? Was I not human, and as such exposed to the tragedies of living?
That's what hurt the most: the idea that these men could not see that I was merely human. Even the grief of a lost parent did not stop the comments. Of course, they did not know the reason for my RBF; and that is exactly why they should have left me alone.
Can you believe that at this point, strange men felt the need to tell me to smile? I mean, how callous can you get? Did they think I was upset because I broke a nail or was having a bad hair day? Was it really that unfathomable that I had a good reason for not smiling? Was I not human, and as such exposed to the tragedies of living?
That's what hurt the most: the idea that these men could not see that I was merely human. Even the grief of a lost parent did not stop the comments. Of course, they did not know the reason for my RBF; and that is exactly why they should have left me alone.
13
Southerners are accustomed to handling such situations in a much more humane fashion.
1
There is a difference between a serene, quiet, not smiling, resting face, and a sullen, dour face. All the celebrities pictured here look positively glum. We don't like our celebrities to look glum. They make so much money for doing basically very little that we can't help but feel a little miffed when they pull a face at us.
At any rate, it's just a pose. You may have noticed that all the models posing in fashion magazines are made to look inert and blasé? Apparently smiling is unglamorous. Be reassured, my feminist sisters! Smiling women are out. Fashionably morose is in.
At any rate, it's just a pose. You may have noticed that all the models posing in fashion magazines are made to look inert and blasé? Apparently smiling is unglamorous. Be reassured, my feminist sisters! Smiling women are out. Fashionably morose is in.
3
"There is a difference between a serene, quiet, not smiling, resting face, and a sullen, dour face." You hit the nail on the head with that remark, Pivinca! That is the expression I now aim for, which was cajoled out of me while growing up.
2
Can RBF stop being a thing already? Ever since people started talking about it the number of people I've noticed who *don't* have RBF are actually the exception - every now and then I'll notice someone who doesn't have a natural frown playing about their lips and think "How lovely! How novel! I wish I looked like that." So stop singling us out already and let us just be. And FYI, this article has given me IBF - that's Induced Bitch Face. Thanks a lot.
5
A cheerful smile always makes them wonder what I'm up to now...
1
RBF sounds like something that could be treated easily with medical marijuana.
3
Someone needs to run the experiment. I wonder what label the pot-dazed smirk will inspire.
1
A great quote from long ago.
“In my own case, I had to train myself out of that phony smile, which is like a nervous tic on every teenage girl. And this meant that I smiled rarely, for in truth, when it came down to real smiling, I had less to smile about. My 'dream' action for the women's liberation movement: a smile boycott, at which declaration all women would instantly abandon their 'pleasing' smiles, henceforth smiling only when something pleased them.”
― Shulamith Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution
“In my own case, I had to train myself out of that phony smile, which is like a nervous tic on every teenage girl. And this meant that I smiled rarely, for in truth, when it came down to real smiling, I had less to smile about. My 'dream' action for the women's liberation movement: a smile boycott, at which declaration all women would instantly abandon their 'pleasing' smiles, henceforth smiling only when something pleased them.”
― Shulamith Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution
11
One can smile, look serious and deep in thought, or scorn. There is a time and place for all of them.
For sure a smiling face is most pleasant to see and can make one and those around them feel better. Even be contagious. There is also a time to be serious; scornful, not so much.
For sure a smiling face is most pleasant to see and can make one and those around them feel better. Even be contagious. There is also a time to be serious; scornful, not so much.
3
I think it is not necessary to buy shampoo if you have no hair :)
This reminds me of the 'must look happy' syndrome on college campuses. Not appearing 'happy', social, and always cheerfully engaged was worth dying over by suicide for many college students. Seriously, why not look serious and thoughtful? Sinful, is it? Not on my list. RBF getting you down? Well then,
to quote the title of a song by the Eagles, Get Over It.
to quote the title of a song by the Eagles, Get Over It.
3
I get my way much more often because I'm not always smiling and happy on the outside. Ironically, this state of affairs makes me really happy on the inside.
5
I do believe age can be a factor in RBF but consider another factor: hunger. Don't laugh. That pouty look that became so chic among models As a dietitian working with anorexics I discovered is as common on my patients' faces as it is on the covers of women's magazines. If you are concerned about how you appear in candid shots, make sure you question your diet and its caloric adequacy!
3
Just another reason why I'm increasingly embarrassed to have to admit I live in this country, where herd mentality rules.
10
Omg. Women don't constantly smile without reason? This "culture moment" strikes me as stunningly sexist
10
There are those who have RBF, but it does not accurately represent their mood.
And then there are those for whom it is perfectly accurate.
And then there are those for whom it is perfectly accurate.
1
There is another phenomenon which bothers me more. When people in the media are supposed to be speaking about serious subjects but appear to have a little smirk on their face. It drives me nuts. G W Bush and ex anchor Aaron Brown from CNN used to have this. Their mouths turn up a little which is quite disconcerting.
6
I was sooo glad to read this article! I've been accused all my working life of being grouchy, unhappy, etc., because the corners of my mouth naturally turn down. One woman approached me while I was working and lectured me on the importance of smiling. So I smiled more. Then someone asked me why I was always smiling... . Truth! Where does civility come into it? Is it anyone's business? Why do I have to explain myself? Men don't have this problem, but that's another gripe.
10
Women are expected to look happy, act passively and without confidence and that's positive. I don't think men experience that but I work in a male dominated field (I'm a woman) and I dont think they would disagree that they are experts on rocking their RBF and don't mind backing it up with MCB (man child behavior) all day! It's fine, we all need a lil RBF. Boyz2Men should write a song about it.
7
I think it's good to smile. It actually makes you feel happier and more open when you do. So smile, ladies! I teach the students in my yoga classes to smile as a refinement in their poses by lifting the corners of their mouths. This also smoothes over the forehead instantly and makes everyone look years younger!
You can tell us "ladies" to smile if you also tell the guys to smile.
4
That this topic finds its way to the pages of the NYT suggests that some think that a thoughtful or reticent expression - and therefore thought and reticence - are somehow not feminine. How sexist.
12
No No No! Don't change that expression!
A face at rest is a face open to being reached, one not presenting an image that is strained or artificial. Our natural bearing is being open to others, whether it is to friendliness which will be naturally reciprocated or to hostility which will be dealt with in kind - or diffused.
I volunteered for the local zoo to greet and help people find their way The person in charge keeps sending messages to us to "smile." I don't challenge her as I'm doing in this comment but I would say that my bearing is open, and engaging, and responsive to others without any need for such instructions.
Engaging children is a joy because they instinctively know this. They scan a face that is interesting, to see whether there is engagement, potential fun and affection; and then if they see it they express their joy. An artificial smile is the choice between a relaxed face that may mean a downturned mouth.
My expression is window on my mood. Feeling good does not mean a smile, but a relaxation that says I welcome interactions with people, something that invariably is reciprocated.
.
AlRodbell.com
A face at rest is a face open to being reached, one not presenting an image that is strained or artificial. Our natural bearing is being open to others, whether it is to friendliness which will be naturally reciprocated or to hostility which will be dealt with in kind - or diffused.
I volunteered for the local zoo to greet and help people find their way The person in charge keeps sending messages to us to "smile." I don't challenge her as I'm doing in this comment but I would say that my bearing is open, and engaging, and responsive to others without any need for such instructions.
Engaging children is a joy because they instinctively know this. They scan a face that is interesting, to see whether there is engagement, potential fun and affection; and then if they see it they express their joy. An artificial smile is the choice between a relaxed face that may mean a downturned mouth.
My expression is window on my mood. Feeling good does not mean a smile, but a relaxation that says I welcome interactions with people, something that invariably is reciprocated.
.
AlRodbell.com
4
Reading comments here, it's funny to see hiw any just accept the assertion that only woman are subjected to this judgement.
1
When reading about RBF, the first thing that came to mind was the forbidding facial expressions of high-end models, both on runways and in clothing catalogues and ads. They look like they are feeling superior, unimpressed, or indifferent. I wonder if the RBF conveys status or exclusivity. I would rather see welcoming, friendly-looking models (both male and female) in the lower-end clothing catalogues, than models who make me feel I've trespassed on their estate or country club.
4
I sat in a meeting in which awards of various levels were being granted within our department. Every description for a woman receiving the award amounted to some variation of "Does amazing work while smiling." In other words, "with a positive attitude," "happy to go the extra mile," and "never losing her smile."
3
WOW, I never even knew there was such a term: RBF.
Anyhow,once described, I knew what the author of this article was talking about,but I just never knew it had a name.
Recently, the only public person that reminds of this RBF is Cait Jenner.
In Episode One, (on her reality show), while Jenner was talking to Esther Jenner , her Mom, Cait Jenner had that "look". And I must say, I did interpret that "look" in a negative way. I could not help myself.
Anyhow,once described, I knew what the author of this article was talking about,but I just never knew it had a name.
Recently, the only public person that reminds of this RBF is Cait Jenner.
In Episode One, (on her reality show), while Jenner was talking to Esther Jenner , her Mom, Cait Jenner had that "look". And I must say, I did interpret that "look" in a negative way. I could not help myself.
1
I love it! As a kid who had poor eyesight (squinting!); full lips (pouting!); and a thoughtful mind (angry!)--I have heard it all. My own family reacted to anything less than a pleasant facial expression (the meaning of which only they were allowed to define) by ostracizing and ignoring me for days or weeks at a time (thus ensuring that there would be plenty to be
I also grew up in a small town where a smile, especially for a kid, was a mandatory requirement for acceptance, or even tolerance. Luckily, I escaped to Greece and lived there for several years-and found that the whole world doesn't subscribe to, let alone demand, the meaningless smile that has somehow become such huge part of our national mythology.
As a middle-aged plus woman, I've embraced my RBF, pouty lips and all. I do have attitude, plenty of it, and it's probably my true-ist self. I've learned to pop on a smile when necessary, without it being a big deal. And trust me-growing old (no one's looking anymore anyway!) will work its wonders with us all.
I also grew up in a small town where a smile, especially for a kid, was a mandatory requirement for acceptance, or even tolerance. Luckily, I escaped to Greece and lived there for several years-and found that the whole world doesn't subscribe to, let alone demand, the meaningless smile that has somehow become such huge part of our national mythology.
As a middle-aged plus woman, I've embraced my RBF, pouty lips and all. I do have attitude, plenty of it, and it's probably my true-ist self. I've learned to pop on a smile when necessary, without it being a big deal. And trust me-growing old (no one's looking anymore anyway!) will work its wonders with us all.
5
Ok, so this IS a thing. I have alarmed people over the decades with my RBF before I knew what it was. I would reassure them this is my "thinking" face. One guy developed a serious attitude toward me, thinking I had somehow dissed him when I passed him in a stairwell while wearing my thinking face. I didn't even see him, but when we met at a work party, he immediately went, "oh, you're the b*tch." Hey, if I'm mad at you, you'll know it, because I also have the "death ray" look. I try to use my power for good, though.
7
I'm a man, and I've been dealing with people thinking I'm "angry" my entire life, because my natural expression at rest is a slight frown. If I look in the mirror when I feel like I'm smiling "politely", what I see is a neutral expression.
I was in my mid-20's before I realized the impact this was having on my life. I now spend conscious effort now to try to counteract the effect.
I was in my mid-20's before I realized the impact this was having on my life. I now spend conscious effort now to try to counteract the effect.
2
Amen, Bob! People have told me to "cheer up", or "smile" since my middle school years. in my 20's, I had a friend tell me I had a "Christopher Guest syndrome"....Which I'm assuming was the male predecessor to RBF. I tried to conciously keep my eyes friendlier and corners of my mouth turned up when meeting people for the first time. Now I know I'm not alone out there- male scowlers unite!
I am intrigued by how many of those commenting here rail against being told they look sad or angry by protesting that they are generally feeling neither. The issue has less to do with facial expression misinterpretation than outright rejection of women who express emotions other than those of contentment and happiness. What if Kristen Stewart was actually angry when that photo was taken? Would it then have been okay to make derogatory comments?
8
I think this applies not only to women's facial expressions, but also their speaking tones. I was once told by a (male) supervisor that I had an angry-sounding speaking voice, and that I should try to sound more pleasant and grateful in meetings. To me, my tone simply reflected me "taking my work seriously", but to him, it was angry.
2
"It's just me face."
- Ringo, replying to an American reporter in the 60's who asked him why he always looked so sad.
- Ringo, replying to an American reporter in the 60's who asked him why he always looked so sad.
9
I believe "smiling more" was one of my work performance goals a few years ago. Smiling is a useful tool for making others feel welcome in a service role. But, I didn't appreciate that my resting face wasn't good enough. My face is my business-not anyone else's.
6
I tend to have RBF and have even been told on one occasion that I have a "pretentious face." There wasn't a term for this when I was growing up, so I was sometimes viewed as angry, although I was generally deep in thought.
When I write my (admittedly rather pretentious) memoir, I'm going to call it "My Pretentious Face." Look for it in bookstores near you. ;-)
When I write my (admittedly rather pretentious) memoir, I'm going to call it "My Pretentious Face." Look for it in bookstores near you. ;-)
9
Models on catwalks often seem to have serious scowls or pouts. Is that RBF too? I do recall a girl in our elementary school who seemed to be scowling. I was intimidated by her until I actually met her and realized that her mouth just naturally turned down a bit at the corners when she wasn't smiling or laughing.
2
I'm a physician and after two patients expressed great anxiety at my RBF as I entered the exam room ("I thought you had bad news for me, like I had cancer or something") I decided to have Botox treatments every four months to prevent that, which it did. But now that I'm retired, I've stopped the Botox. Nowadays I'm rather shocked at how much a sourpuss I appear to be in pictures or just in the mirror, when I'm really a very happy person. It's very off-putting and in a physician can provoke great anxiety in a patient.
3
The male version of RBF: his face. This whole article is depressing.
3
RBF doesn't only apply to women and it isn't always men who comment on it. I've had several female bosses who consistently commented on my expression with "What's wrong you look angry," "What's bothering you" or "That look on your face isn't very helpful." I've thought for years that I had a problem modulating my expressions. Maybe now I've found the answer RBF. Thanks NYTimes :-)
3
While I think it's unfair that this sort of expression is specifically identified with women, and everybody has a right to look as they wish, I'm not sure that the other end of the spectrum, "smiling too much", is a problem. Looking angry or sour isn't something to aspire to, it doesn't make people seem more substantial, and it doesn't indicate strength...it just makes you look unhappy and potentially obnoxious to deal with. That's why people defer to stern, severe, or unhappy faces - because they don't want trouble, not because they are somehow favorably impressed by them.
One of the authors in the article says, "We don’t inherently judge the moodiness of a male face.", but as a male whose moodiness is, in fact, judged by my face, I would have to disagree. I'm actually very cheerful and smile a lot. I've been told or had others say about me that my expression is "very pleasant", or "really warm", and nobody ever tells me stop smiling. Smiling and looking like a relatively happy, approachable person isn't weak or inviting abuse. I'm upper management in a very tough field, and I deal with aggressive, demanding people every day, and nobody seems to have trouble taking me seriously. I would also disagree with the article's assertion that women view serious men as more sexually attractive. That's a culture-bound perception, especially in the West where nice guys might actually finish last, but at least in East Asia, nice guys are often given more favorable attention from women.
One of the authors in the article says, "We don’t inherently judge the moodiness of a male face.", but as a male whose moodiness is, in fact, judged by my face, I would have to disagree. I'm actually very cheerful and smile a lot. I've been told or had others say about me that my expression is "very pleasant", or "really warm", and nobody ever tells me stop smiling. Smiling and looking like a relatively happy, approachable person isn't weak or inviting abuse. I'm upper management in a very tough field, and I deal with aggressive, demanding people every day, and nobody seems to have trouble taking me seriously. I would also disagree with the article's assertion that women view serious men as more sexually attractive. That's a culture-bound perception, especially in the West where nice guys might actually finish last, but at least in East Asia, nice guys are often given more favorable attention from women.
1
President Abe Lincoln admonished "A man is responsible for his face when he reaches 40."
I take that to mean that your face, over time, becomes a reflection of your inner self.
What say you about women, Honest Abe?
I take that to mean that your face, over time, becomes a reflection of your inner self.
What say you about women, Honest Abe?
2
Glad someone addressed this so I can giggle at it. I suffer from 'RBF' but more within the last 5-6 years due to a combination of my upbringing (Soviet immigrant) and other events that have solidified my general distrust and dislike of constantly smiley people. I find that those that smile the most are either a.) on an overdose-like amount of 'happy pills' b.) Completely dishonest, and fake. Or actually both most of the time. I'm generally a happy and optimistic person, I'm also forthright but apparently my lack of a golden retriever type demeanor has prevented people from approaching me and probably from my achieving higher status in my career. So be it, at least I'm honest about who I am the minute you meet me, no surprise. FYI in most places (at least Europe) people that smile too much are thought of as insane, or in need of 'mental help'....sounds about right.
6
Personally, I think there is something to this at least some of the time. Victoria Beckham, by some accounts is thoroughly unpleasant so there's no surprise it shows on her face. Kristen Stewart's expression just seems as flat and emotionless as her acting.
1
Fascinating article. I never realized other people thought much about this!
I first realized that my resting face had a grumpy look when I saw a photo of myself asleep on a couch. I was about 35 at the time. As a result, for the past 30 years, I've done my best to keep what feels like a small smile on my face when in public. The "smiling eyes" that result have given me a lot of positive response when coming face to face with strangers in grocery store aisles. When I do forget, usually in business meetings or at the dinner table, I get the inevitable, "Are you all right?" question. So glad to know it's not just me!
I first realized that my resting face had a grumpy look when I saw a photo of myself asleep on a couch. I was about 35 at the time. As a result, for the past 30 years, I've done my best to keep what feels like a small smile on my face when in public. The "smiling eyes" that result have given me a lot of positive response when coming face to face with strangers in grocery store aisles. When I do forget, usually in business meetings or at the dinner table, I get the inevitable, "Are you all right?" question. So glad to know it's not just me!
1
This may be the silliest story I've read in the Times. The look on anyone's face in that fraction of a second when a shutter opens and closes is hardly worthy of analysis -- given that it might be (or have been) an entirely different look another fraction earlier or later.
5
Mona Lisa ? Debatable. Ginevra de Benci? Absolutely. BTW, RBF didn't hurt Greta Garbo. And Grumpy Cat, also a female, is a million-dollar kitty.
3
SOCIOLINGUIST Deborah Tannen in her book, You Just Don't Understand, writes about typical feminine and masculine styles of communication. I do wonder what she would make of this article focusing on women projecting serious feelings with facial expressions. Tannen writes that women typically communicate to answer the question, Do you like me yet? While men typically communicate to answer the question, Have I won yet? She also writes about women engaging in rapport building to build intimacy. But where do frowns fit into her sociolinguistic model. All languages change. So do sociolinguistic styles. Gender styles also change. So I propose that what Tannen would probably describe as the meta-message of a female frowning face, in the context of, Do you like me yet?, means, I want you to like me and to address the emotions that make me feel like frowning. I think that a woman frowning is dissonant because the expected meta-message, Do you like me yet? does not seem to be present. With men, however, a frown matches the question, Have I won yet? because competition doesn't require smiling to win. While I do request that readers be patient with my proposal, as it is meant to raise a question for scientific study. I wonder what sort of sociolinguistic change, if any, is occurring with the prevalence of frowns on the faces of women.
2
Women are quite capable of deciding which expression to wear at which time. And if they don't decide to put on a smile for whatever reason, that's up to them also.
I don't welcome patronizing words such as "Why don't you smile?" "Did you just lose your last friend?" and "Cheer up!" and they will result in a blast from my double green lasers.
I don't welcome patronizing words such as "Why don't you smile?" "Did you just lose your last friend?" and "Cheer up!" and they will result in a blast from my double green lasers.
4
You do need to lighten up! Just smile and you'll feel better! Try it!
1
I am often asked in the course of my musical survey class why classical musicians look so seemingly
unhappy while performing onstage. I've come to describe it as "the look of concentration" - the same look the students have on their faces when taking a test.
From the (no kidding!) U. S. Smile Capital of Pocatello, Idaho.
unhappy while performing onstage. I've come to describe it as "the look of concentration" - the same look the students have on their faces when taking a test.
From the (no kidding!) U. S. Smile Capital of Pocatello, Idaho.
4
I've worked as a clerical temp in many companies. I am sick and tired of men telling me to smile all the time. This has got to stop and the RBF label must become a relic of the past. Don't smile on cue, don't be intimidated by what you think others perceive. Women have got to grow up and be real. Starting now or this will never go away. We are equal and we don't have to be "happy" all the time to make others (men) feel good. Acceptance and equality of facial expressions.
8
Although the story does point out the double-standard in acceptable facial expressions of women vs. men, it also takes the so-called RBF at face value, reveling in its LOL, OMG, internet meme-esque humor.
I'm disappointed that the Times took this approach.
I'm disappointed that the Times took this approach.
1
When a man says to me, "You'd look better if you smiled", I always want to say, "You'd look better if you lost some weight" (or other appropriate insult.)
For many reasons I've never actually done this, but if some of these (often well-meaning) jerks got insulted back, it might give them some food for thought.
For many reasons I've never actually done this, but if some of these (often well-meaning) jerks got insulted back, it might give them some food for thought.
8
Leaving aside the absolute arrogance and shallowness of telling a woman to "Smile!", doesn't anyone notice how lovely these women look?
7
Many years ago in my first post-college job I was walking in an office hallway and a passing colleague told me to smile. "I am smiling," I replied, and I thought I was. This is an early recorded case of male-RBF.
4
My whole life I was trained to wipe the RBF off of me. I now stroll the world with a semi-smile-- "hey, don't worry about me, I could be your best friend face." It's okay, I am a master at sales. One on one people think I love them, and I do when I get their business. But it is a way of controlling women and containing their desires. The world is saying to women, "you aren't allowed to be unhappy, buck up and accept your place." And "smile," like you like serving me coffee while I lear at you. I have of course learned how to smile and modulate my voice in such a way that I can deliver the most scathing remark almost anywhere with impunity. I do love that power.
6
As a female who has lived through several stages of life, I find it sad and demeaning that the concept of "bitch" is being paired up with a female face showing a natural array of feelings and perceptions. That said, the article does bring up some thoughtful points. But I am not going to adopt "RBF" as a useful meme.
4
I find it sad and discouraging that this is an "issue" that needs 500+ words in the NYTimes. The more you focus on it, the more people will recognize it, so to speak. Not to mention, that thing the public will recognize is the focus, thoughtfulness and/or, seriousness (blasphemy!) of a woman when not considering her outward appearance.
It's also unfortunate that no such conversation abounds around men and the often "unpleasant" faces they wear.
I'm writing this with RBF, can you tell?
It's also unfortunate that no such conversation abounds around men and the often "unpleasant" faces they wear.
I'm writing this with RBF, can you tell?
4
The message from society couldn't be clearer: Smile, girls! What's in your mind or your heart is unimportant! Above all, make sure that your face is composed with a gently pleasing smile, not too giddy, never sad, so that the men around you are never disturbed.
Also:
(1) You have to pray in a separate room, so that your body doesn't distract the prayers of the men.
(2) You have to cover your arms, your head, heck, just cover everything except your eyes, because you are so distracting to men.
(3) Know your place. And your place is serving a man, quietly.
Is it any wonder that so many women (and men) are filled with rage at this insanity?
Also:
(1) You have to pray in a separate room, so that your body doesn't distract the prayers of the men.
(2) You have to cover your arms, your head, heck, just cover everything except your eyes, because you are so distracting to men.
(3) Know your place. And your place is serving a man, quietly.
Is it any wonder that so many women (and men) are filled with rage at this insanity?
12
I realize this is in the fashion and style section, but OY.
All these women pictured look like female human beings to me, and not "suffering" from RBF.
Very sad really.
All these women pictured look like female human beings to me, and not "suffering" from RBF.
Very sad really.
5
People smile when they want something. So they don’t want anything - big deal. But are they actually as miserable as they look? That is a big deal. Is fame and hotness a cosmic rip off?
Both a male and female coworker have this type of facial expression. At first, it was off-putting, slightly intimidating, and made them seem unapproachable and slightly defensive as if they were protecting themselves. After time and becoming more acquainted, I no longer inferred negativity or any other trait into either person's expression. Oddly, they both have commented indicating an awareness of their natural expression. There is no reason for either of them to expend energy changing what is their normal.
3
When men smile in serious conversation it usually means they are intimidated. They like to intimidate women so they DEMAND that women smile.
4
Funny, but for men the RBF is probably called a game face, and nobody asks us if we're ok.
9
I see. Game face, as in poker face.
For all the women supposedly cursed with a death glare, well...we can always sell handbags. The Louis Vuitton model in the enormous ad below this article displays picture perfect RBF.
5
Men don't have any expression defining them that is comparable to "bitch". But we do have "the look". But the comparable "look" usually just called a "mean face" and it too will part a crowd of tourists like the Red Sea.
1
I am a man, and tend not to smile a lot. I am often asked if everything is ok? Is something wrong? Can I help you? I am fine.cci am from Scandinavian ancestors. I grew up in the upper Midwest.
2
Well I guess we can add this to another long list of gender stereotypes.
Although I had my own RBF on while reading the article, and was ready to rage at the inequality of it all, I was reminded that men are subjected to a mirrored stereotype.
Women need to smile constantly to appear friendly, approachable and inviting and put everyone else at ease (aka The Hostess).
Men on the other hand, must be stoic, giving nothing away and speak only as much as required...after all a man that smiles and chatters constantly must be simple or after something (aka Strong Silent type).
I'm aware that this sounds incredibly generalist - but doesn't this feel like gender equality taking 2 steps back?
Although I had my own RBF on while reading the article, and was ready to rage at the inequality of it all, I was reminded that men are subjected to a mirrored stereotype.
Women need to smile constantly to appear friendly, approachable and inviting and put everyone else at ease (aka The Hostess).
Men on the other hand, must be stoic, giving nothing away and speak only as much as required...after all a man that smiles and chatters constantly must be simple or after something (aka Strong Silent type).
I'm aware that this sounds incredibly generalist - but doesn't this feel like gender equality taking 2 steps back?
3
This is called my "detention anyone?" face.
5
Hopefully only to be used sparingly. (for your sake!)
Biggest problem in the room, is articles such as this - and any pseudo-scientific study - that buy in to the male (and self-hating female) line that this is a problem. Stop haranguing women over their appearance - highly subjective - and, geez, while at it, evaluate your own contribution to what might be real pique. Can anyone seriously consider a term that incorporates "bitch" to be either nonsexist or legitimate?
7
No doubt there are several reasons why RBF is applied to women, and not to men. How about one reason being makeup? It accentuates whatever expression the woman's mouth and eyes take on. Without any "smiling eyes," the eye makeup creates a glowering look. I wouldn't be surprised if you made up a man like a woman, then asked him to relax his face--he'd also show the RBF.
3
I want to disagree that this is exclusively a woman's problem. I am a man and I have been told that I have a Resting Bitch Face. People like to tell me to smile, and I have been told at work that I have an attitude problem because of my face. Nope. Not just a problem for women. I swear.
Although I have to say that there is an advantage: people expect you to be THE WORST, so when you're just a little bit nice, they are so pleasantly surprised, that they love you immediately. That's from my personal experience.
Although I have to say that there is an advantage: people expect you to be THE WORST, so when you're just a little bit nice, they are so pleasantly surprised, that they love you immediately. That's from my personal experience.
3
"And yet: men do not experience RBF..."
Not hardly. My entire professional life people have assumed I am angry and avoided me when I am merely preoccupied or thoughtful. Even my own family has "steered clear" thinking I am angry when nothing could be further from the truth. Assuming this stigma is unique to women (and Kanye West) is what's sexist; not the attribution of it only to women.
But don't read too much into my comment here--I'm not mad. I'm just thoughtful.
Not hardly. My entire professional life people have assumed I am angry and avoided me when I am merely preoccupied or thoughtful. Even my own family has "steered clear" thinking I am angry when nothing could be further from the truth. Assuming this stigma is unique to women (and Kanye West) is what's sexist; not the attribution of it only to women.
But don't read too much into my comment here--I'm not mad. I'm just thoughtful.
4
This happen to me !!!! It's so tired ..when people says to me Smile !!!! I am no angry, I am not sad , I am just serious , nothing wrong with me ! I know I have a hard expression on my face , there are my bones ! sometimes I am So tired to be "smiling " all the time . I know the people care about me, and I really appreciate that . They want to see me happy . But sometimes it's difficult.
2
The pressure to maintain a constantly pleasant expression greatly affects female politicians and female TV news presenters & interviewers. Look at Nancy Pelosi's relentless smiling, often at odds with what she saying, as if needing to appease when delivering a strong message. She is far from alone in this affectation.
5
I'd smile more if you'd STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!
11
I was told over 20 years ago by a partner at a top tier investment bank that I needed to smile more. Members of my staff would ask me what I was angry about when I was merely concentrating or thinking. Somewhere still buried in a stash of family photographs is an unguarded moment my brother captured of my grandmother, my mother and myself when I was20, all of us featuring the familial trademark "at rest" frown, now callled the RBF. Even today, I catch myself in the mirror and wonder if I should see a plastic surgeon.
1
I'm male, and I suffer from what must be RBF, apparently. When I'm just sitting, biding my time, with no intense feelings good or bad, I'm told by friends that I look unhappy and intimidating. It's made it incredibly hard to make friends at work, and I often feel pre-judged. I can only imagine how much harder it must be for women who are expected to be smiley, but it's tough for me anyone to endure.
4
The women depicted look totally normal to me - just being serious, and blissfully unaware that they are being photographed which must be like a vacation for them. I always loved unsmiling women because everybody expects them to smile, signaling that they are sunny, fun-loving creatures who don't create a problem with too much thinking. Well, they are not. And why should they/I - all the time? I'm a thinker and I think a lot, while I'm walking, while in a bus, standing in line in the supermarket. I had constantly people (men) tell me when I was younger: "Hey, smile!" being who I am, I always answered "why?" - and that was that. It's a female duty to smile and make the world appear "nicer". Well, it won't help. I find constantly smiling women irritating, it never looks or feels genuine. So let's just leave it there: humans have many different faces, one of them is unsmiling.
10
A friend and I were so sick of being constantly asked if we were angry or upset at work that we started telling people (actually, it was always men that asked) ridiculous things to shut them up. Examples:
"Are you ok? You look mad." "I hit a dog on the way to work."
"What's wrong? Are you upset?" "I have a yeast infection."
"Smile! It can't be that bad!" "My dad has prostate cancer."
We were bartending in the financial district and a large number of our customers were coked-up floor traders, so this might not work in most situations. But it worked for us then, and we kept ourselves entertained.
I definitely think women working in service type jobs or coming off as lower status face this sort of thing quite a bit more. I work as a lawyer now, and it's not something I encounter at work any more.
"Are you ok? You look mad." "I hit a dog on the way to work."
"What's wrong? Are you upset?" "I have a yeast infection."
"Smile! It can't be that bad!" "My dad has prostate cancer."
We were bartending in the financial district and a large number of our customers were coked-up floor traders, so this might not work in most situations. But it worked for us then, and we kept ourselves entertained.
I definitely think women working in service type jobs or coming off as lower status face this sort of thing quite a bit more. I work as a lawyer now, and it's not something I encounter at work any more.
13
Emerson speaks of "the forced smile which we put on in company where we do not feel at ease in answer to conversation which does not interest us. The muscles, not spontaneously moved, but moved by a low usurping wilfulness, grow tight about the outline of the face with the most disagreeable sensation."
Everyone concerned about "RBF" should read, or re-read, "Self-Reliance." It's a shot in the arm.
Everyone concerned about "RBF" should read, or re-read, "Self-Reliance." It's a shot in the arm.
3
I wish I hadn't even seen this article in the NY Times. This is the first I've heard about RBF and that it is even being seriously discussed is incredulous to me. Why would the NY Times give this ridiculous consideration space in their paper?
5
For everybody, remember, smile and the world smiles with you. Nobody wants to deal with a grump, male or female.
All of this feminist whining is going to back fire. Women need to own themselves and do there thing without all of this inferior talk. Women are amazing! Doctors, lawyers, congressman .The do everything men do and many times on a volume level a lot better than men. They need to let go of being a man. Enough already.
2
Wait, so not wanting to be forced to manufacture smiles (because our natural RESTING face is more serious looking) means we are being a man? My normal face makes me a man? And I should force myself to smile for no reason (which means having to train myself to be conscious of my expression at all times - even when walking by myself or not engaging with anyone) in order to be a woman? Can you understand why this is problematic? It's problematic because men are the only ones who care if women are smiling. I've never been told to smile by another female. I am not here for your comfort and visual pleasure and I am no less a woman for refusing to conform to your standards of how my face look. You think it's no big thing because you're a man. No one cares what you look like! No one tells you to wear makeup, have a defined waist, big boobs, big butt, smile more, be less this be more that. Get off your high horse and quit trying to act like you know what's best for women. You are part of the problem! You are the reason this needs to be addressed!
5
John, smiling isn't a female trait in particular. And controlling other people's facial expressions or desiring to shouldn't be a male or female trait.
3
RBF sounds like a observation from the male point of view. Maybe it's just that there isn't much to be happy about, especially from a female perspective. And from that understanding, being attractive is probably just an added distraction.
4
How telling, the number of comments this is generating. Once, as I was getting off a plane, a man approached me to offer this sage counsel: "Smile! It can't be THAT bad!" I was traveling to a family funeral.
12
Back in the day it was referred to as
"TIGHT LIPS AND A FROWN"
But now it's a cute RBF.
"TIGHT LIPS AND A FROWN"
But now it's a cute RBF.
My response to people constantly telling me to smile is " If you don't tell me to smile, I won't tell you to think."
12
How is this not a misogynist rationale?
7
In the mid-1970's while in high school, my parents sent me to the school psychologist because I didn't smile enough. I learned in the group therapy during school how to smile on demand and how I actually felt was way down on the list of importance.
While working on the highway, doing maintenance work in a crew of men, the foreman would assign me to work with guys having a 'down' day or going through life's difficulties so I could cheer them up.
I've always been a thinker, and enjoy a good laugh and have a sense of humor. I just don't wear a smile all the time as a default facial expression
While working on the highway, doing maintenance work in a crew of men, the foreman would assign me to work with guys having a 'down' day or going through life's difficulties so I could cheer them up.
I've always been a thinker, and enjoy a good laugh and have a sense of humor. I just don't wear a smile all the time as a default facial expression
6
There are two sides to that coin.
My career was in the overwhelmingly male engineering field. I can recall one or two female engineers who wouldn't so much as crack a smile when someone would crack a joke (I'm talking about polite, non-sexist jokes) at the conference table or who would never engage in light hearted banter . These ladies were obviously hypersensitive about their surroundings and felt that they had to "protect" themselves with a cold persona.
It's quite likely that they were told more than once by some well-meaning guy to smile once in a while. It's also likely that one of the ladies I'm talking about has posted a comment here about how she was badgered on her job to act in a feminine, submissive manner.
My career was in the overwhelmingly male engineering field. I can recall one or two female engineers who wouldn't so much as crack a smile when someone would crack a joke (I'm talking about polite, non-sexist jokes) at the conference table or who would never engage in light hearted banter . These ladies were obviously hypersensitive about their surroundings and felt that they had to "protect" themselves with a cold persona.
It's quite likely that they were told more than once by some well-meaning guy to smile once in a while. It's also likely that one of the ladies I'm talking about has posted a comment here about how she was badgered on her job to act in a feminine, submissive manner.
Or maybe they thought your jokes were bad? Maybe they didn't like you? Ever think of that? There isn't something wrong with people that find sexists unappealing.
2
Ever since I was 12 years old (39 now), people have been telling me to smile. My response is to look through them as though they are not there because they don't merit any response. They should be minding their own business. I refuse to smile on command, and I appreciate other women who are also not bowing to this ridiculous requests.
12
The burden of misreading body language falls on the perceiver not the perceived, a problem for mind readers and the conflict averse that can easily be resolved with verification (ask the person with respect how they are doing), or otherwise simply giving someone the benefit of the doubt. There are many reasons expressions or body language can be misinterpreted. One example, assuming that someone experiencing chronic pain condition is 'angry' at the perceiver. The pessimistic party in this case is the perceiver choosing to draw that conclusion, not the person in physical pain.
2
I am a man and find the expressions on the faces of the women in these pictures very appealing. Their faces suggest to me that they have some intelligence between their ears. I guess is shows that different people see the same things differently.
6
So on the one hand, women are told that they smile too much and should smile less in the workplace in order to be taken seriously. On the other hand, if we don't smile at all we're accused of being angry or sad. Smiling too hard or too much also causes lines in the face, which we have been told makes us look old and is to be avoided at all cost. I'm confused. I think I'll just put on my RBF and go about my business.
7
Very different expressions. Kristen looks disengaged or burned out, like she's been asked one-too-many inane questions. January is talking with her eyes and involved. Victoria looks pissed and impatient. The point being it isn't possible to place the subtle complexity of women's expressions into one box and label them with an acronym. RBF is a very silly notion really. Women can smile anytime they want to smile, or make any expression they feel in the moment...as they always have.
3
Women are purely ornamental. If they stop smiling and think, they are ugly.
That pretty much sums up this meme. Can we come up with some acronyms for ugly man faces? SOG -- Smug oligarch grin. TOE -- Testosterone overdose expression. I'm sure if we put our heads together we can think of a few more.
That pretty much sums up this meme. Can we come up with some acronyms for ugly man faces? SOG -- Smug oligarch grin. TOE -- Testosterone overdose expression. I'm sure if we put our heads together we can think of a few more.
14
Interesting- people are always asking me what's wrong or am I mad. All in all, I liked the article- but not this...'And it does have its uses. (the face) It is great for staring down Greenpeace solicitors on the street, or glaring at men who catcall you on the subway.' Personally, I find Greenpeace a very worthy group! and will help their cause in any way I can.
3
None of the examples shown in this article look like "bitch" faces to me, although some people's faces really do appear unpleasant when relaxed. Some people's faces really do transform when they smile. Anna Kendrick's face is more like Resting Infinite Sadness Face, from what I've seen of her in movies. When she's playing a character. I remember an expression to the effect that by the time a person is 30 they have the face they deserve, which has a grain of truth to it.
1
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is making happiness part of his mission. The "Broadcasting Happiness" folks want us not only to be happy, but to infest our neighbors with happiness, like a virus. Aren't there more important ways to use our energy, some of which will really make us happy?
4
Only women can fix this - stop perpetuating the stereotype reaction if someone isn't smiling. Your issues with RBF are not caused by others - only yourself.
The smiley stepford type, passive aggressive woman is a cliché - an act - designed to use, amuse and hide the truth.
I'm more alarmed by a woman peer that smiles all the time & BSFF'S everyone - be on your guard - the stab in the back is not far away.
The smiley stepford type, passive aggressive woman is a cliché - an act - designed to use, amuse and hide the truth.
I'm more alarmed by a woman peer that smiles all the time & BSFF'S everyone - be on your guard - the stab in the back is not far away.
1
I am frequently asked if I'm OK because I'm not smiling. Clearly, this is a gendered expectation, and it doesn't help that my mouth naturally droops down. I actually have come to see RWF as a little subversion of patriarchy and embrace it!
7
I get the male version of this on a regular basis, and the comments always come from women. Once a woman, a total stranger (in a checkout line at a supermarket), told me that I looked like Dick Cheney (ouch!), and she did not mean it as a compliment.
Usually the comments are something along the line of "Why do you always look so unhappy?" or "You should smile once in a while." I have taken to responding by issuing a challenge to do something to make me smile.
Usually the comments are something along the line of "Why do you always look so unhappy?" or "You should smile once in a while." I have taken to responding by issuing a challenge to do something to make me smile.
1
Even in the workplace, this is driven by America being a celebrity- and media-driven culture: "You should be like [fill in the name of some actress]." How dumb. Of course they have to grin all day - that's the silly and shallow world in which they have chosen to work.
Quit worrying about it and get on with your lives.
Quit worrying about it and get on with your lives.
I have a face that is like mentioned when relaxed. I have been told to smile over the phone, too. I am pending full dentures which will rid me of my rotted, painful teeth and the end result should be a training for an exaggerated smile to end my "grouchy" title.
Every fashion model wears a BitchFace - it seems mandatory. The model in the Vuitton ad just below the article looks absolutely murderous. Yet these women represent the American ideal of beauty, glamor, and desirability. So I'm confused - are we supposed to want to look like them or not?
5
As a guy, I have experienced this my entire life. When I worked as a cashier in high school I would experience on a daily basis people asking me "what's wrong..", "smile more...", "why are you mad...", and a million other variations of this. In reality I was just wearing my natural expression. Today, people in public that I come into contact with always think something is wrong; even my family does. It's very annoying, please stop.
5
I'm now in my 70s, and I've fought this since my early 20s, when I was sitting alone in a restaurant in Louisville, Ky., waiting for a friend. Two guys at a nearby table approached me and asked me to join them, saying I looked so sad, they were sure I had been stood up by someone dear. Although sweet in intent, it kind of creeped me out. And that same day, as I left the restaurant after lunch, a male stranger on the street shouted, "Smile!" as he walked by me. I smiled a lot for a few years, then decided that life is too short to put on a phony front.
9
In bygone days of the airline industry (before deregulation) stewardesses were required by one airline to "display a pleasing facial expression at all times." RBF wasn't helpful when dealing with a planeload of nervous passengers.
In the tech industry, a woman with RBF is labelled bitchy. I have noticed that women allowed to speak (yes, you read that right--allowed to speak, as in, not immediately interrupted) are the women who have a neutral expression. Smile too widely, you're "too perky" or "shallow" -- allow the corners of your mouth and eyes to fall and you're labelled as "having a bad attitude." I suspect the moral of this story is that several thousand years of female subservience have left long-term ingrained, perhaps, genetic, by now, scars on our culture. It may be hard to overcome these quickly.
In the tech industry, a woman with RBF is labelled bitchy. I have noticed that women allowed to speak (yes, you read that right--allowed to speak, as in, not immediately interrupted) are the women who have a neutral expression. Smile too widely, you're "too perky" or "shallow" -- allow the corners of your mouth and eyes to fall and you're labelled as "having a bad attitude." I suspect the moral of this story is that several thousand years of female subservience have left long-term ingrained, perhaps, genetic, by now, scars on our culture. It may be hard to overcome these quickly.
8
I was married for 9 years to a man who came home from work and the first words out of his mouth were "What's wrong?" "NOTHING," was my increasingly frustrated reply. This went on day after day. I've been married to my current husband for 13 years. When I come home from work, the first words out of his mouth are, "Hi, sweetie!" I still have a RBF, but he knows the real me.
7
When I was male (I'm now a transwoman) I often had RBF. When sitting by myself at a bar I was often told "smile, be happy." I wish my response had been "I was, until you told me to smile."
I always thought that smiling while sitting alone would make me look crazy. And I stand by that!
I always thought that smiling while sitting alone would make me look crazy. And I stand by that!
3
THANK YOU SO MUCH for this article! I thought it was just me that had this issue. I'm not "mad" or "angry" just tired or thinking deeply or trying to totally focus on something. I think it has really affected me in the workplace. Research has shown that people expect women to smile more, but that just seems so fake to me. My elementary age daughter smiles naturally all the time - she has received compliments on it since toddlerhood. But then in 1st grade she was told by another child that "smiling means you're lying" so she tried to stop smiling so much! We females just can't win . . . .
7
Self-obsession leads to one more Syndrome.
2
I'm much more relaxed and comfortable around a woman exhibiting Resting Bitch Face. When a woman smiles at me it usually means that she knows something I don't (a frequent occurrence) and that this poor dumb mongrel is in for trouble. As a footnote, in my long career my two favorite bosses were both women and I finally figured out that, in the workplace at least, bitch is a euphemism for forceful, active and decisive. Considering some of the bumbling dunderheads I worked for, I say "Bring on the bitches!"
6
I definitely agree that women are pushed to be happy/smile all the time much more than men. But I think that RBF can negatively impact men as well. My husband suffers from RBF, and gets annoyed when I ask him if something is wrong when it is just his face. At a recent interview--for a job he really wanted--he was told that he didn't appear to be all that interested in it. I think it was his RBF coming through. He ended up getting the job, luckily.
9
Frankly, it is the closed expression that is the frustration - for men and women. I am in a highly collaborative profession in museums. An open expression in a discussion is a huge element in the process. My male boss and I have little rapport due to his facial expression. I wish he wouldn't save all of his smiles for the executive team!
2
I have mixed feelings on this subject as my husband often has an expression I would liken to an undertaker at work. Very stony and particularly unapproachable. As a photographer of people with whom I strive to seek engagement- I know the light in my eyes and my willingness to be emotionally accessible through my expression makes connecting with others that much easier. If one's goal is to refrain from vulnerability and control access to one's inner core- then a stony RBF is a perfect cover to achieve that objective. I'm not sure if it is typically a woman thing- I know my husband's remote manner has cost him in the workplace- people enjoy working with others with whom it is easy to connect.
Facial expressions are usually the gateway to connection. And connection is the precursor to engagement- something that is in short supply for many while highly sought when it comes to personal goals.
http://curbappealinsleepyhollow.blogspot.com/
Facial expressions are usually the gateway to connection. And connection is the precursor to engagement- something that is in short supply for many while highly sought when it comes to personal goals.
http://curbappealinsleepyhollow.blogspot.com/
2
In high school, some friends would occasionally and out of the blue ask me "what's wrong?" There was nothing particularly "wrong." I'm a man and I have RBF. It was mostly female friends that made the inquires, but the guys also did it to some extent.
I don't doubt there is a sexist component to the phenomenon. However, and for whatever it's worth, it's not strictly one-sided.
I don't doubt there is a sexist component to the phenomenon. However, and for whatever it's worth, it's not strictly one-sided.
4
I, a man, have learned - never ask any one about their state of mind, emotional level, or if they need help. The result is getting chewed out. However, when I approach a female staff with a similar facial expression, I would be told to stop being mean, stop yelling at me (I was not), or if they were in trouble.
I have had many meetings where the male and female staff seemed to be seething and ready to start yelling whenever I spoke. I never asked a word about it, just kept going. Yes some of those people hated my guts, some just looked like that.
It's simply how we approach each other in this closed environment called work, where we spent most of our lives. A hostile demeanor from either male of female never helps, in fact, is a main cause of stress at work.
I have had many meetings where the male and female staff seemed to be seething and ready to start yelling whenever I spoke. I never asked a word about it, just kept going. Yes some of those people hated my guts, some just looked like that.
It's simply how we approach each other in this closed environment called work, where we spent most of our lives. A hostile demeanor from either male of female never helps, in fact, is a main cause of stress at work.
2
How are women to look as if they think, really think, if their faces never look as if they are thinking. I LOVE the pictures of the three actresses -- they suddenly look like people with personalities, interests, an ability to concentrate, ponder.
But none of this reaches the serious global threat of plastic surgery for the aging actor(ress). We suddenly have a population of tropical fish who once were major stars! But human are weird. So I should feel grateful for Vanessa Redgrave and a chance to see a frowning star.
But none of this reaches the serious global threat of plastic surgery for the aging actor(ress). We suddenly have a population of tropical fish who once were major stars! But human are weird. So I should feel grateful for Vanessa Redgrave and a chance to see a frowning star.
3
Olive Kitteridge is my spirit animal. I don't see men under much, if any, pressure to be constantly cheerful. I am a serious, academic and thoughtful person. If that isn't what an employer is looking for or if that isn't sexually appealing to someone - great. We can both move along.
In my early 20s, I was working as an engineer at my first real job. There were `27 men and 4 women in our department. There was a male manager, perfectly nice guy, but he constantly kept singling me out in meetings, asking if I was okay or if I understood what was being said. After some experimentation, I concluded that as 1 of 3 younger women, I was the only one not smiling. A 4th older woman, also didn't smile or speak much, but that didn't seem to raise any concern.
Eventually, when he again asked if I had understood, instead of blushing and defending my comprehension by summarizing what was said, I asked, "Why would you think I was having difficulty understanding?" He blushed and stammered something about my brow being furrowed. One of my favorite co-workers, much to my delight, said, "I've been sitting across from her the whole meeting. Her brow wasn't 'furrowed'. She just looked like she was listening, like everyone else."
If you are misread the 2 photos in the article as 'bitchy', I can empathize with how challenging it must be to lack sufficient emotional intelligence to read facial micro-expressions, but I feel no responsibility to compensate on your behalf.
-RBF4eva
In my early 20s, I was working as an engineer at my first real job. There were `27 men and 4 women in our department. There was a male manager, perfectly nice guy, but he constantly kept singling me out in meetings, asking if I was okay or if I understood what was being said. After some experimentation, I concluded that as 1 of 3 younger women, I was the only one not smiling. A 4th older woman, also didn't smile or speak much, but that didn't seem to raise any concern.
Eventually, when he again asked if I had understood, instead of blushing and defending my comprehension by summarizing what was said, I asked, "Why would you think I was having difficulty understanding?" He blushed and stammered something about my brow being furrowed. One of my favorite co-workers, much to my delight, said, "I've been sitting across from her the whole meeting. Her brow wasn't 'furrowed'. She just looked like she was listening, like everyone else."
If you are misread the 2 photos in the article as 'bitchy', I can empathize with how challenging it must be to lack sufficient emotional intelligence to read facial micro-expressions, but I feel no responsibility to compensate on your behalf.
-RBF4eva
24
My reaction every time someone tells me I should smile more is that I become instantly irritated - creating the opposite result than the person was looking for. Just because I am not smiling, it does not mean that I am angry, sad, or in any way unhappy. When I was a bartender I was frequently told that I needed to smile more, and the comment never came from a woman. We, as women, are always trying to be taken more seriously, so it makes sense that women have adopted the habit of keeping a straight face so as not to seem too "weak," "easy," or "innocent." I strongly dislike that only these two polar opposites seem to exist - smiling and happy or straight-faced and "a bitch." We should never label ourselves as "bitches," anyway - we are female human beings with a range of emotions. It is our right to express our emotions whenever and however we would like.
11
Ladies don't worry, quality males are not discouraged by RBF, rather it sets a benchmark.... superficial beauty trumps scowls.
4
Come to New England. Nobody is expected to look happy here.
25
This is not limited to women. I have been told to be "less serious" and to smile more all my life, including within my family. My face in repose has "a serious look" that I inherited from my grandfather. Apparently it was intimidating to my father, and it was a source of conflict between us as I grew up. Teachers, employers, and acquaintances have tried to tell me I must be angry or too serious, despite my protestations to the contrary. I've given up trying to correct them. It's their problem, not mine, that they can't read my expression correctly.
7
Ms. Bennett, why did you write this article? You skirt around the issue of how inherently gendered and discriminatory the very term and concept of RBF are, but you don't make that the subject of this piece. So, what is the objective of publishing this in the public domain, exactly? Pieces like this basically just perpetuate the concept they describe, by validating them. Now that RBF is covered in the NYTimes, it'll be that much harder to erase from our public discourse.
For the love of women everywhere -- and men, who also deserve to live in a just society -- consider this for coverage in the future. A hundred years ago, women were being jailed, force-fed and otherwise mistreated for protesting in support of their right to vote. And now we mar their legacy by both living in a world that they helped make better for us, and still falling for idiotic concepts like this RBF nonsense.
For the love of women everywhere -- and men, who also deserve to live in a just society -- consider this for coverage in the future. A hundred years ago, women were being jailed, force-fed and otherwise mistreated for protesting in support of their right to vote. And now we mar their legacy by both living in a world that they helped make better for us, and still falling for idiotic concepts like this RBF nonsense.
9
I couldn't bear to read past the second paragraph. Pathetic and sickening that this story would get any traction. Women should not have to worry about whether they are smiling all the time!
4
But it's REAL, and has been a source of social control for at lest several generations, if not MUCH longer!
3
I find that when I'm in out in public in small town, suburban and rural environments, I can be more expressive, ie., if I make in advertent eye contact, I might nod hello. It seems to be more expected in those environments, or it feels more natural.
In large urban environments, I make every attempt to avoid eye contact and to be expressionless. There are too many people around, and I value my privacy too much to want eye contact with all the random strangers around. Beyond that, with the fair number of strangers in large urban environments, I don't want to leave an opening for crazies or other such unsavory types to engage with me.
Yes, even so, in cases where a hello is to be expected in an urban environment, I'm often taken aback. I just don't engage with others in any meaningful fashion. So for example, at the young man who works at the front desk of the gym I go to. He might say good bye to me while I'm on my way out.
In large urban environments, I make every attempt to avoid eye contact and to be expressionless. There are too many people around, and I value my privacy too much to want eye contact with all the random strangers around. Beyond that, with the fair number of strangers in large urban environments, I don't want to leave an opening for crazies or other such unsavory types to engage with me.
Yes, even so, in cases where a hello is to be expected in an urban environment, I'm often taken aback. I just don't engage with others in any meaningful fashion. So for example, at the young man who works at the front desk of the gym I go to. He might say good bye to me while I'm on my way out.
4
New York City is increasingly popular with young women largely for its infinite shopping and clubbing opportunities. As a lifelong New Yorker, I can remember a time when the city was considered so dangerous that few women would go out or ride the subways alone. Now that it's much safer, it is ironic that so many women evoke a protective RBF. When it was a tougher and grittier place, it seemed friendlier and people of both sexes looked at each other in a way that wasn't typically contemptuous or indifferent.
3
Shopping and clubbing? Are those the only things that interest women? How about the things that attract people - both male and female - to New York: its vibrancy, its variety, its cultural offerings, its being where the action is.
Offensive, sexist, stupid article.
11
Offensive - well, there's no accounting for what might offend anyone. Stupid - I haven't decided about that. But sexist? Talking about sexism and expressing sexism are two different things.
Or are you referring to the reverse sexism of thinking that men get off scot-free?
Or are you referring to the reverse sexism of thinking that men get off scot-free?
Both this article and topic are not worthy of the NY Times, or anyone's time. But it's just perfect for Cosmopolitan Magazine.
11
Seriously. Do not tell me to smile. Ever.
11
What silliness! Eyes are to see; a mouth is to talk. What's this obsession with how they look?
4
This is a new one for me! Honestly, is there nothing more pressing to be concerned about than drivel like this? It seems to me that if people are going to think about this kind of nonsense and waste their energy on it that we deserve whatever global disasters befall us. Wake up people. There are real issues to deal with. Consider the plight of thousands and thousands of migrants streaming into a Europe that doesn't want them and is making it abundantly clear that they are unwelcome. Then put on your RBF and do something.
5
Men do suffer from it, I get "why are you mad?" I also believe when people make those comments, "smile more", "are you mad", it's a social put-down perhaps spurred by intimidation. Want me to smile more? Tell me something funny or ask me something interesting. Is that bitchy? Yep, deal with it.
12
The photo samples look like very beautiful women.......is this a problem?
5
Tyranny of the Disney Princesses.
One the great reliefs of my life is that I did not have daughters. No clue whatever what I would do to help them navigate the messages young women encounter every day. Just read last week that they are supposed to go to dance festivals clad in pasties, and that this is a form of empowerment.
One the great reliefs of my life is that I did not have daughters. No clue whatever what I would do to help them navigate the messages young women encounter every day. Just read last week that they are supposed to go to dance festivals clad in pasties, and that this is a form of empowerment.
5
Yet another way to make women feel bad about the way they look. I didn't notice any photos of men with their Resting Bastard Faces!
6
Didn't realize Kristen Stewart had another look.
3
The term is Bitchy Resting Face, not Resting Bitch Face. If you invert the first two words, the meaning completely changes. Apparently, the wrong term must have circulated too much when this gained popularity. I'm disappointed that the New York Times made this mistake.
5
Perhaps once we put into the Oval Office, as leader of the free world, a wise older woman who skips cosmetic surgery and looks as serious as the job she does… we can start calling it
Resting President Face.
Or alternatively, drop the silly subject once and for all.
Resting President Face.
Or alternatively, drop the silly subject once and for all.
10
Is that what it's called? I've always had a RBF. Ever since I can remember, total strangers hands stopped me to see if I'm okay. Does come in handy sometimes, though.
4
it's certainly ironic that in the print version of the Times juxtaposed these photos of celebrities with "RBF"s with an ad of Jennifer Connelly selling handbags and a photo of Rebecca Ferguson accompanying an interview about her new movie, and neither of them are smiling. So, it's ok to look serious in a Louis Vuitton ad, or to look pensive in a photo for your interview, but not to be accidentally caught "in serious repose" while at public events?
9
Women don't have enough problems with the GOP wanting to control their vaginas; now other women want to control how they look when their face is "resting". Too bad people are so superficial. Don't give in to these people. Enough is enough.
12
I didn't think that any of the actresses in the photos attached to your article "Cursed with a Death Stare" looked bitchy, just serious and thoughtful. However the model in the advertisement for Louis Vuitton directly underneath that article's continuation on pages 8 and 9 looked positively vicious. In fact I've noticed that in many ads in journalism these days, the models -- both men and women -- look extremely bitchy, or constipated, or both. I don't understand how this nasty expression is meant to entice the consumer.
5
I'm a retired man & a life long victim of RBF. I didn't know it until just now. It started as a boy, being self-conscious about a crooked tooth. I'd cover my smile with my hand. Then having a father who was often irritated by laughter & smiles. We kids would suppress our laughter to the point of having our heads explode. Years later my young daughter asked me if I was angry. I had to explain to her that that's how my face looks when it's in neutral. At a work feedback session, my boss told me I needed to smile more if I hoped to advance in the organization. I tried. My wife told me to stop, that I looked like I was trying to use the bathroom. At jury selection, one of the attorneys questioning me said that I didn't look happy to be there. I responded that I'm often told that. I got a laugh from the courtroom. Maybe I'm selfish. I don't want to fake a smile. It's a lot of work. And it's probably cost me thousands of dollars in income over my work life. But I have no regrets. A man gotta do what a man gotta do.
9
I read this article in the Sunday Style print edition, and when I turned to the jump page there was a huge Louis Vuitton fashion ad starring Jennifer Connelly making--surprise!--the same scowling face the article was blasting. And she was surely paid a pretty penny to make it. Go figure.
4
Look up Genevra de' Benci by Leonardo da Vinci: his first portrait. Look her up, see what they say about her.
From Wikipedia "As a woman of renowned beauty, Ginevra de' Benci was also the subject of ten poems written by members of the Medici circle, Cristoforo Landino and Alessandro Braccesi, and of two sonnets by Lorenzo de' Medici himself."
Look at any collection of photographs of a century ago, smiles are rare.
From Wikipedia "As a woman of renowned beauty, Ginevra de' Benci was also the subject of ten poems written by members of the Medici circle, Cristoforo Landino and Alessandro Braccesi, and of two sonnets by Lorenzo de' Medici himself."
Look at any collection of photographs of a century ago, smiles are rare.
7
A century ago smiles were rare in photographs because they had to hold the pose so long while the exposure took place.
1
True, David. Also because the conventions of early portrait photography were based on those of portrait painting, and painting takes even more time!
I was stunned that Bennett notes casually, in passing, the coincidence that RBF affects only half the population. This is postfeminism's message to women: we need to be sporting cutesie smiles at all times or else be publicly punished. I'm also stunned that the NYT published a whimsical piece describing this sad trend rather than a thoughtful article analyzing it. I thought that's what the rubric "Cultural studies" was about.
12
Thank you! I am not mad, frustrated or a generally hateful human. Thank you for pointing out the double standard. Men are never called out for not smiling. I have been told since I was a little girl "Smile! What is wrong with you?" In my head I always thought "Nothing! Why do I have to smile to prove it?" Over the years I have tried smiling "on purpose" and it makes me feel like a clown. At least I know that when I do smile at you, I really, really mean it. The people closest to me really love those smiles. We do not all have to fold to our culture's obsession with extroversion and plastic grins.
15
I know a number of women who were so concerned about their resting fa e, that had plastic surgery that makes the corners of their mouths turn up ever so slightly. But the results, IMHO, are not good. It isn't a pleasant Mona Lisa look, it is more of a clown look, or like the smile on a Samoyed dog. In all cases, they don't look serious, even when you would want to look serious. It's a serious mistake.
11
Sexist tropes like RBF only have power if we validate them. Come on, women, stand up and wear the faces we were given with glory and grace. When you encounter it, flip it, laugh at it, name it for the nuisance and nonsense it is, and strip away the illusion of its power. Dignity in the joy of our being is our birthright. RRF: resting real face!
22
What about the men? This is a disgustingly sexist article. Good going, NYT.
15
My mom used to call it my "ugly look." I might have been annoyed at the time, or not.
3
All of this is nonsensical analysis. This folks is called sexism! The expectation of nearly permanent smiles on females. We are not bitches if we don't smile constantly!
23
The irony of this article is that it's in the Fashion & Style section of the Times. I think if you did a study of fashion photographs over the last, say, 100 years, the RBF is the standard look in fashion photography.
Also, while I am stunned that men tell women, at the level reflected in the comments, they should smile more, I think the contra-RBF says more about the men than the women. It only reflects the fragility of male egos that it takes a smile to validate male attractiveness, even though the comment runs counter to that in intent.
There's nothing more attractive than a smart thoughtful and confident woman... at least in my book. And the longevity of the RBF look in fashion only confirms that point...again, in my opinion.
Also, while I am stunned that men tell women, at the level reflected in the comments, they should smile more, I think the contra-RBF says more about the men than the women. It only reflects the fragility of male egos that it takes a smile to validate male attractiveness, even though the comment runs counter to that in intent.
There's nothing more attractive than a smart thoughtful and confident woman... at least in my book. And the longevity of the RBF look in fashion only confirms that point...again, in my opinion.
7
Really...bitch face, really? Is there a male equivalent ..of course not.
This is a NYT article on women not looking pretty and sweet all the time..with pretend social research behind the "phenomenon".
Yuck..patooey.
This is a NYT article on women not looking pretty and sweet all the time..with pretend social research behind the "phenomenon".
Yuck..patooey.
13
As a man who appreciates the female appearance, I'm surprised by this whole meme and the notion behind it. I don't need to see a woman smiling to think she is appealing or even just neutral. In fact, I'll take Kristen Stewart's "RBF" any day!
8
When I was a teenager, people would say "You look as if your best friend just died." Even my mother would say I had a wooden face. That's my default face. It isn't something I chose. When I'm happy, I smile, grin and laugh. When I'm concentrating, or at the office, I look grim. As I get older, just as described in the article, it is getting more intense. I have to make a conscious effort to force a smile, even when one is not appropriate.
5
I have a bit of a soft spot for "you look like you lost your best friend" - not for its demand for a smile, but because it acknowledges the importance of friendship - losing a good friend really is cause for grief.
BRF would work out very well if you were a drill sergeant at US Marine Corps bootcamp.
5
Maybe men should smile more and look more pleasant and willing to please! I'd really appreciate it if the men in my life would look as though they were wiling to help or listen.
18
The thesis of this article leaves me somewhere between an eyeroll and an enraged growl. One of my biggest pet peeves as a younger woman was being told by men (strangers) to "smile." I always wanted to say "why? Did you say something witty? Are you handsome? Why don't you do a backflip and if it's remotely amusing, maybe I will." Why in the world should a woman have to contort her face to please the (male) world? (Inadvertently) looking slightly aloof and/or haughty when not engaged never hurt my social life or my career. In fact, I suspect I was deemed serious and smart rather than overly accommodating or frivolous. I was never the object of harassment for example, and it was in no small part because I gave off a "I would never tolerate that" vibe. Women should stop apologizing for everything, including their face in repose. Life is hard enough for women, particularly working mothers. The last thing we need is to worry about having to act like geishas, and please everyone, even in our unguarded and solitary moments. Ridiculous.
28
No, Mona Lisa shows an enigmatic smile, not RBF.
6
I have had a well developed RBF combined with a deadly eye roll all of my life. It's unfortunate you cannot see it right now.
23
This account is under my husband's name, but I'm a female writer for series television. Six years ago, I was confronted by my boss for having questioned a story idea of his in the room. Fair enough, I get that he was excited about it and wished I'd been more politic in expressing my concerns. But then came the killer drive-by at the end, when he added that another problem was that I "look too thoughtful" in general in the writers' room. Stunning, right? I thought I was being paid to think. Nope, in his mind I was there to support his ideas, regardless of what I thought of them and to make sure I look pleasant while doing so. It took me three years to stop compulsively smiling all day on my next job, making sure my face didn't scare anyone that I was anything less than pleasant and supportive. Thank goodness I now work with a staff who value my ideas and input and don't critique what I look like when I'm thinking.
28
Jessica Bennett is at it again. Devaluing her own sex.
Her pieces are rife with demeaning implications.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/23/fashion/selfies-the-uglier-the-better-...
Her pieces are rife with demeaning implications.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/23/fashion/selfies-the-uglier-the-better-...
9
Apparently "rbf" is not a problem for fashion models. See the advertisement just under the article in the print edition!!
1
This article makes me want to leave the planet. Just, really, send me into space right now because life as a woman over forty on Earth is just too hard to fathom, let alone live. Maybe I will fare better in a zero-gravity environment, where nothing drags downwards, not even my own spit. When discussing this article with a female friend my age I wondered aloud whether I could avoid RBF if my mouth were permanently affixed to a bottle of whiskey. I have been told I have a very good "listening face," but that is probably of little value in the war against the resting bitch face. I also wondered whether we should start building public "thinking rooms," with private "thinking stalls" where we can let our faces rest in private, without upsetting others. It's the logical next step after the public restroom. My face sagged while I wrote this, but I was home alone, so no one was harmed.
37
I am just Glad! I don't need to wake up and fix my face,just a shave,brush my teeth,comb my hair and I am good for the day.
You women! You got it so bad.(????) It is all in your mind. Forget about it and quit letting it dominate,impact your day. Just be you and who you are. Quit worrying about everybody else. Seeing you.
Today just might be the last day of your life. You will never know. You will never be any younger than you are at this moment.
Do what you do to the best of your ability and be happy about it. This is "IT" there is nothing else out there.
It is much easier to ride the horse in the direction he is going.
You women! You got it so bad.(????) It is all in your mind. Forget about it and quit letting it dominate,impact your day. Just be you and who you are. Quit worrying about everybody else. Seeing you.
Today just might be the last day of your life. You will never know. You will never be any younger than you are at this moment.
Do what you do to the best of your ability and be happy about it. This is "IT" there is nothing else out there.
It is much easier to ride the horse in the direction he is going.
2
Noelle Wyman literally has the last word, and most genuine response: “My RBF makes me feel serious, pensive and reserved, like someone who only engages those who deserve it.”
11
It occurs to me that there is also a celebrity trend EMBRACING the stern, humorless expression. See, e.g., Victoria Beckham, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Sean Penn, Madonna. Can you recall a photo of any of them rocking a happy grin?
3
I anointed myself "Our Lady of the Perpetual Scowl" a long time ago, and have lived most of my 62 years with this appellation. On the other hand, I am told that I have a great smile, and eyes that twinkle when it is in full force. Both come quite naturally. I have always thought of it as a state of pensivity associated with my personality and interests, and rather preferred it that way. In the last two years however, I was told that the furrows in the space between my eye brows have lessened, as I apparently, have lightened up in retirement. No chemicals. Just a shift in perspective.
6
I'm glad this has finally been recognized! From a very young age, men and women alike have felt free to say, "what's wrong?" "smile" and "did someone die". Now I know what to say. This is my face. Get over it.
13
This is just one more meaningless "issue" that has emerged from the internet's endless font of rubbish.
9
"When I think I'm smiling so hard that my face hurts, I look in the mirror and see just a normal smile. "
When I was in high school, a kid remarked (to someone else,) "Do you ever get a smile ache?"—referring to dealing with grown-ups, of course.
When I was in high school, a kid remarked (to someone else,) "Do you ever get a smile ache?"—referring to dealing with grown-ups, of course.
6
Some of us male gazers are very aware of the RBF syndrome. We don't really trust women who smile all the time. We often respect a woman more if she has the courage to just relax and stop smiling all the time. Being charming full time is moral hazard for women. Still its sometimes difficult for a male to tilt an opener to such a doleful countenance.
7
Questions like those raised by this article demand good research -- or at least hearing from men as much as from women about how they perceive other men as well as how they perceive women. I, myself, am often asked if I’m okay, just because I’m not smiling.
Also, at the gym I go to, I have noticed that many guys look like they are not to be tangled with. They definitely seem to have an intimidating look. Most of the time, though, when I talk to them they are perfectly friendly. Maybe I look that way as well, but I, too, am totally affable when anyone talks to me.
However, among younger men, on the street or in bars, just how or where you look – can lead to violence or even death. There’s an expression I occasionally heard as a young man that put a chill into me every time I heard it. It was “Hey, what are you lookin’ at?” One of the few things I like about being an older guy (72) is that I practically never hear that one any more.
I think our whole society would a lot better off if so many of us didn’t insist on seeing these issues as gender-specific.
Also, at the gym I go to, I have noticed that many guys look like they are not to be tangled with. They definitely seem to have an intimidating look. Most of the time, though, when I talk to them they are perfectly friendly. Maybe I look that way as well, but I, too, am totally affable when anyone talks to me.
However, among younger men, on the street or in bars, just how or where you look – can lead to violence or even death. There’s an expression I occasionally heard as a young man that put a chill into me every time I heard it. It was “Hey, what are you lookin’ at?” One of the few things I like about being an older guy (72) is that I practically never hear that one any more.
I think our whole society would a lot better off if so many of us didn’t insist on seeing these issues as gender-specific.
5
Robert De Niro captured it best in "Taxi Driver":
"Are you lookin' at me? "
"Are you lookin' at me? "
3
I disagree that men are not criticized for a stern countenance. My son, who is soon to be 34, wears a serious expression on his face and has since toddlerhood. Friends, family and even strangers felt compelled to comment on it, telling him to smile and asking me why he didn't. I'd answer, "Why should he smile all the time? He's not a talk show host."
The comments continued as he grew up. I remember a particularly poignant moment when I gently spoke to my shy, handsome, son about making eye contact and smiling at others in order to engage them. He was in high school, confused and hurt because he had been labeled a snob and deemed unapproachable.
Today, his coworkers and friends love him, but many have confessed that they had to overcome their initial negative impression of him as a "hardass".
The comments continued as he grew up. I remember a particularly poignant moment when I gently spoke to my shy, handsome, son about making eye contact and smiling at others in order to engage them. He was in high school, confused and hurt because he had been labeled a snob and deemed unapproachable.
Today, his coworkers and friends love him, but many have confessed that they had to overcome their initial negative impression of him as a "hardass".
13
At least you were gentle with your son. My mother constantly hectored me for looking "mean" and "too serious." I often got the "snob" or "bitch" label throughout my school years.
At 53, I have been using botox on the vertical lines between my eyes (gone, now) since my late 30s, when the comments concerning how "angry" I looked got overwhelming. I am otherwise considered an attractive, fit woman. As I get older, I seem to have fewer people labeling me "unapproachable," maybe because I am known more as a mother and volunteer in our small town, not just as an athlete and professional. (People also seem to assume that if you run frequently, you look down upon those who do not. Same assumption with having a graduate degree. I constantly find myself downplaying my accomplishments to deflect the repercussions of others' insecurities.
It's hard trying to live your life dealing with criticisms that have nothing to do with you, only with your critics.
At 53, I have been using botox on the vertical lines between my eyes (gone, now) since my late 30s, when the comments concerning how "angry" I looked got overwhelming. I am otherwise considered an attractive, fit woman. As I get older, I seem to have fewer people labeling me "unapproachable," maybe because I am known more as a mother and volunteer in our small town, not just as an athlete and professional. (People also seem to assume that if you run frequently, you look down upon those who do not. Same assumption with having a graduate degree. I constantly find myself downplaying my accomplishments to deflect the repercussions of others' insecurities.
It's hard trying to live your life dealing with criticisms that have nothing to do with you, only with your critics.
In my first job out of law school my supervising attorney told me my biggest "weapon" is that I always have a smile (or at least a "smize") on my face. He told me it disarms people because they aren't ready for how tough I am. The comments here prove him right - the assumption that the opposite of RBF is smiling, shallow, stupid, phony people has been repeated throughout - so I guess my boss was right if that's how people were reading my pleasant face!
7
There's another article in the NY Times today about women who feel the need to have hairstylists and makeup artists pretty them up after giving birth! I wonder if anyone told them to smile during the delivery?
7
Some of the women mentioned in the article don't have to smile because they are accomplished professionals, high status and don't need to appease others. End of discussion, and good for them!
5
Does the NYT have a new Buzzfeed and/or Comedy Section?
2
Neither of these women look angry. They are in repose. And if prettiness is the emphasis here as it seems to be, then I find them prettier in repose. They do not look fake.
And it would seem to me that we should have long ago stopped considering women as adornments.
And it would seem to me that we should have long ago stopped considering women as adornments.
7
The real problem here is in the eye of the beholder: people assuming that THEIR perception is THE reality. As for me (for what it's worth and like it matters) -- I'll take the RBF over the superficial smile any day.
8
Contrary to what the article says, some men have this problem, too, and it doesn't work out well for them either.
The manager you report to at work thinks you're angry with them,or unhappy about your work; women cross the street to avoid you; dudes want to get into fights (mean fist fights with you); parents pull their children away from you; your neighbors think you're crazy; and your doorman is always sarcastic toward you ...And those are the good days!
It's straight out of the old Doors song "People are Strange " (just listen the list of things that happen to the unfortunate subjects of that song!). :-) or should I say :-( ?
The manager you report to at work thinks you're angry with them,or unhappy about your work; women cross the street to avoid you; dudes want to get into fights (mean fist fights with you); parents pull their children away from you; your neighbors think you're crazy; and your doorman is always sarcastic toward you ...And those are the good days!
It's straight out of the old Doors song "People are Strange " (just listen the list of things that happen to the unfortunate subjects of that song!). :-) or should I say :-( ?
6
I think these women look great . . nice to see them lost in thought, not a camera ready smile plastered on
6
This article made me want to vomit--and the expression that accompanies nausea is a lot worse than "resting bitchy face." Who thought up the idea for this piece, anyway? Why is it only about women? What year is this--1898?
7
The article is reporting on a phenomenon, not creating or promoting it.
6
True, Mergatroyde, and a lot of commenters are misreading the article that way. Send them all back to school for remedial reading comprehension.
When a missed opportunity to gather quotes from teenagers and 20 and 30 somethings for this article. If you want to really know about RBF, talk to a woman over 50. Haven't you noticed how Hillary Clinton goes around looking like she just heard something hilarious?
And what about the science that if you make yourself smile even if you don't feel like it, it somehow improves your mood? That would've certainly brought some interest to the article. Just a missed opportunity, expression is not about youth alone.
And what about the science that if you make yourself smile even if you don't feel like it, it somehow improves your mood? That would've certainly brought some interest to the article. Just a missed opportunity, expression is not about youth alone.
5
You are so right about Hillary Clinton. In America, female leaders are under intense pressure to project nonthreatening relatability. In Hillary Clinton's case, this has led her to plaster a fake-looking maternal smile on her face whatever a camera is near.
Citizens of other nations seem more tolerant of strong female leaders who project seriousness and substance. I don't recall seeing many solicitous grins on the faces of, for example, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher or Angela Merkel.
Citizens of other nations seem more tolerant of strong female leaders who project seriousness and substance. I don't recall seeing many solicitous grins on the faces of, for example, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher or Angela Merkel.
3
Passive implied, or completely innocent, the sexism in the view that women must look chipper, happy, and non threatening, even when still and quiet (what society prefers from them already) is so thick and cloying here, it's sickening. How many more burdens are we going to place on women?
If even modern women in the West lay this on each other, then RBF stands for an unfortunate truth: a Really Bleak Future.
If even modern women in the West lay this on each other, then RBF stands for an unfortunate truth: a Really Bleak Future.
7
Yes, women do think about things. I've had this problem since I was in my twenties. People are intrusive and often idiotic in their comments.
12
Another social burden put upon women but not men - yet Frida Kahlo, Marlene Dietrich and Ingrid Bergman were all beautiful and intriguing women, to name just a few examples.
8
Greta Garbo.
3
Really? Read Nicholas Kristof's column today, Our Sex-Crazed Congress, trying to hurt women every which way. A women can be contemplative or sad without getting bashed. Turn those microscopes on what the guys in DC are doing TO women.
4
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh
― Thích Nhất Hạnh
5
Yes!!
RBF has joined the ranks of other physiological labels for the feminine human species:
makeup and lipstick
dyed hair, styled to the latest trend
breast augmentation, lipo, botox...
bodice trinkets and fashionable wears
exposed lingerie
etc., etc.,
Kinda hard to deny what Darwin has been up to all these years, ladies. Embrace the RBF...and best of luck with Charles.
makeup and lipstick
dyed hair, styled to the latest trend
breast augmentation, lipo, botox...
bodice trinkets and fashionable wears
exposed lingerie
etc., etc.,
Kinda hard to deny what Darwin has been up to all these years, ladies. Embrace the RBF...and best of luck with Charles.
3
Between this and the article about new mothers paying for hairstylists in maternity wards, I just weep. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/06/fashion/along-with-babies-hairstylists...
12
It's odd -- although not entirely illogical -- how much our experience with other people depends on what we look like, whether it's beauty or facial expression or some other physical feature. It's all part of managing what you look like, and for women sadly that's job number one. It's just so much harder for us to look "serious" . . . leading to it being much harder to actually get taken seriously. Being slow to catch on, I only realized recently just how much what you look like matters. I teach freshmen high school students, so you'd think that truth would be self-evident.
5
Ha ha- the hardcopy NYT has this article on a page with a HUGE ad right under for a Louis Vuitton bag being held by a death stare wearer who looks like she might hit you if you don't like her handbag. Maybe that is the attitude to take.
(ps: Whoever does LV's photoshopping hasn't done this lady any favors- a thigh the size of as an arm = scary)
(ps: Whoever does LV's photoshopping hasn't done this lady any favors- a thigh the size of as an arm = scary)
11
As others have said, the ridiculous acronym stems from the fact that women are still pretty much treated as "always-on" aesthetic objects who must comply with the tacit (or voiced, irritatingly enough) expectation to look cheerful, animated, even "sexy," and men aren't. The famous women in the photos don't look bad at all, they just look a bit pensive, drawn inward, or perhaps momentarily blank. In such states, one doesn't appear particularly animated. But that's just part of life -- even celebrities (who know the cameras are always hungry for their image and who generally oblige) can't be always smiling, and they shouldn't have to. "Pensive" is a natural part of everyone's facial portfolio, so to speak. It's healthy to remind ourselves of that. In a celebrity-and-selfie-happy culture so insatiable for the often staged or doctored reality served up by digital images, it's hard at times to remember the life beyond such imagery.
4
You will see these women looking very smiley in 15 years or so when they realize how that pensive stare ages their features.
1
RBF? How about VBI? The first paragraph left me wanting less. Lesson: don't open any piece featuring January Jones. My fail.
Commenters should actually read the article. The author doesn't seem to be advocating for judging people because they have a "RBF". She isn't promoting smiling more, rather noting that there is some level of controversy on the topic.
All the aghast "feminist" comments here come across as quite nitpicky.
Should I, as a man, be offended by how men are portrayed in TV commercials? As loafing, sports-loving, beer-drinking, inept fathers incapable of putting together even a simple dinner while mom is away?
Men don't care about "RBF", or colored arm-pit hair, or makeup, or manicures. Women should quit pretending that ideals of beauty are being foisted upon them by men, rather than other women. Or that men themselves aren't subjected to unfair expectations of masculinity, "I don't date guys under six-feet tall!".
All the aghast "feminist" comments here come across as quite nitpicky.
Should I, as a man, be offended by how men are portrayed in TV commercials? As loafing, sports-loving, beer-drinking, inept fathers incapable of putting together even a simple dinner while mom is away?
Men don't care about "RBF", or colored arm-pit hair, or makeup, or manicures. Women should quit pretending that ideals of beauty are being foisted upon them by men, rather than other women. Or that men themselves aren't subjected to unfair expectations of masculinity, "I don't date guys under six-feet tall!".
8
Our facial expressions reflect our inner states. So are feminists now advocating to stop judging people by their facial expressions? Are you telling us that women who smile are doing it for social appeasement, not because they are happy or friendly? Or when a female co-worker looks unhappy, I'm supposed to ignore it because it may be her RBF?
1
Yes.
5
@jb...sounds like you want to do away with the very basics of human interaction that we are wired to learn from infancy and which sets us apart from the apes...read people's faces
Good luck with that.
Good luck with that.
2
I prefer real people, not phony-faced narcissists. Stop judging faces and start being kind to people.
7
I sympathize with all the commenters who've received unsolicited diagnoses of "RBF". And I agree with readers who point out the inherent sexism in the "condition".
I am one of those people who asks "what's wrong?" when, in fact (supposedly), "nothing" is wrong. But I've never suggested to anyone to smile more. That's asinine and insulting.
I am intuitive and sensitive, though, and my instincts are more often correct than not. (I also personally know a few people with chronic or occasional "RBF".) In my experience, people who tell me "nothing's wrong" fall under one or more of these categories:
1) they're lying
2) they're unaware something's bothering them, but anger or the feeling of being burdened has manifested itself physically
3) the person is generally unhappy, angry and/resentful
4) the person grew up feeling isolated and/or burdened, without physical affection or emotional support.
The human body---especially the face---does not lie.
I am one of those people who asks "what's wrong?" when, in fact (supposedly), "nothing" is wrong. But I've never suggested to anyone to smile more. That's asinine and insulting.
I am intuitive and sensitive, though, and my instincts are more often correct than not. (I also personally know a few people with chronic or occasional "RBF".) In my experience, people who tell me "nothing's wrong" fall under one or more of these categories:
1) they're lying
2) they're unaware something's bothering them, but anger or the feeling of being burdened has manifested itself physically
3) the person is generally unhappy, angry and/resentful
4) the person grew up feeling isolated and/or burdened, without physical affection or emotional support.
The human body---especially the face---does not lie.
1
At least men can trim their facial hair to give different appearances to the world. I realized that the "fu-manchu" frowning mustache was not a pleasant aspect to those viewing my ugly mug. I trimmed those downturning wings, looks more chipper and cheerful now.
1
The men in my family are'nt born grinning either We get more of the stares +/- uninvited comments. PS we're not big tweeters either. Deprived 'n depraved?
1
It's pathetic that now we have to analyze the look of a celebrity when they are not aware they are being photographed. But perhaps we are hungry for a moment of authenticity when we are constantly being bombarded with false images of advertising.
2
What is really sad here is that the author actually believes that RBF is a real phenomenon. I'm sorry folks, but this nonsense is just part of self-absorption that is a cultural psychosis of people who define themselves by their looks. I live in the real America and have NEVER heard men talking about 'RBF'. I think it is a term women use to describe other women when they want to insult them. What is disgusting is that articles like this seek to portray all these insecure women and men as victims. Get over it - the world isn't full of people breathlessly watching photos of celebrities who aren't smiling.
8
Amazing how many people think the suggestion that someone just smile is a simplistic call to mindlessness and not genuine concern. There's a big difference between pasting a smile over a scowl (the term we used to use) and opening up to enjoy life. Instead of shooting the messenger, try chilling and relaxing. There's a lot of stress in today's world, and men and women alike show it.
If someone asks if everything is O.K., perhaps you should self-examine instead of rebuff them. Ask yourself what is going on, and why that stress is taking over your visage, and how to regain your center.
If someone asks if everything is O.K., perhaps you should self-examine instead of rebuff them. Ask yourself what is going on, and why that stress is taking over your visage, and how to regain your center.
1
A passing stranger has no business attempting to trigger "self-examination" because of one's facial expression. Come to think of it, even people you know (outside of your intimates) are not there for you to poke at or analyze. MYOB, pal.
2
Nothing wrong with having an RBF. It's too bad Hilary has to hide hers now that she's on the campaign trail.
3
Good absolute grief! You go to the grocery store and see faces like this all the time! This is how people look! This is just another way of punishing women who don't live up to someone else's idea 24/7. Beside, I find faces in most of the photographs in the article to be quite attractive, more so than their usual smily movie star photos.
7
Realizing that aspiring to "looking pretty" at every moment is catering to the male gaze, and allowing yourself to sometimes not "look pretty", because you are a human being, not a perpetual ornament, existing for someone else's pleasure, is a first step to emerging from living in the male gaze, and living as an actual full human being.
5
This terminology and continued labeling and deconstructing normal human behavior as "bitchy or unsociable", is the new face of dehumanism that has infected our culture, just like viral, haters, like and unlike, and if you don't love something you must then be a hater.
Since I personally have been traumatized and have lived with that face much of my life, I am quite familiar with being attacked and targeted because I don't have a smile or pleasant expression on my face.
This is a ridiculous article, it is insulting and only serves up more dumbing down of society.
Since I personally have been traumatized and have lived with that face much of my life, I am quite familiar with being attacked and targeted because I don't have a smile or pleasant expression on my face.
This is a ridiculous article, it is insulting and only serves up more dumbing down of society.
6
When I worked in the deli department in a grocery store, I found myself getting sick every day. I went to the doctor; he told me that it was psychosomatic. I spoke to the manager of my department and was told that if I smiled more that I might feel better. I quit in the middle of a shift and spoke to my godfather (who happened to be in charge of waste mgmt. in the town). My godfather called the health department who made an unscheduled visit to the store. It turned out that the carbon monoxide levels in the store were through the roof, and there was a Freon leak in the walk-in freezer in my department. But I'm sure that if I had just smiled a little more, none of that would mattered and I would have felt fresh as a daisy @ work.
12
I now remember being told, throughout my childhood, to "smile". I was not sad or angry yet perfect strangers would tell me, as I was walking with my mother in Beooklyn circa 1960's, to smile more. As others have stated, I wasn't sad or angry UNTIL some bozo thought it was perfectly OK to tell me what I should do with my expression.
Now, as a woman in her 50's, I see myself looking better when I have a smile on my face. I'm a pretty happy person but my default facial expression is RBF I guess. It's funny how this has been going on (at least in my life) for half a century!
Now, as a woman in her 50's, I see myself looking better when I have a smile on my face. I'm a pretty happy person but my default facial expression is RBF I guess. It's funny how this has been going on (at least in my life) for half a century!
4
The worse "resting" faces I see are on some old men, who look like they'd like to take a bite out of anyone near. I fear I fall into that at time. By the way, that observation of older men is not sexist, it is exist-ist. For either sex, grumpy expressions leave a rather hostile impression: live with that fact or pay attention to your own face.
4
I've seen this face on both sexes up North than here in the South. Here in the South we say hello to anyone anytime we pass whether in the street or hallway. We even manage a greeting and a smile.
When I lived up North for a few years or would visit my grandparents It seemed everyone in New York City was putting on a defensive mode as though a smile on the face of the other person meant they were up to something. And eye contact? Never.
When I lived up North for a few years or would visit my grandparents It seemed everyone in New York City was putting on a defensive mode as though a smile on the face of the other person meant they were up to something. And eye contact? Never.
I totally agree. I used to wonder why those older folks crossing the street or walking up the aisle at church were so angry and grumpy, and I'd avoid them, but now I realize it's just gravity!!
With all due respect to the gender complexity of this, as some of the comments below indicate, this is culturally bound.
I remember discovering on my junior year abroad in France how different attitudes towards smiling were there. A close friend of mine was castigated by her French boyfriend for "smiling too much." And in fact, the resting face of French people is decidedly more "serious" than what we do, by and large, here in the US. And in fact, as many in France will tell you, there is a lot to be "serious" about in France these days. Flipping to the other side of the spectrum, I remember noticing that buddhist monks - think of the Dalai Lama - smile, and in fact laugh, a lot. And it's contagious. And they would say, there is a lot to smile, and laugh about. It all depends on how you see things. All things being equal, I'd rather see a world that smiles.
I remember discovering on my junior year abroad in France how different attitudes towards smiling were there. A close friend of mine was castigated by her French boyfriend for "smiling too much." And in fact, the resting face of French people is decidedly more "serious" than what we do, by and large, here in the US. And in fact, as many in France will tell you, there is a lot to be "serious" about in France these days. Flipping to the other side of the spectrum, I remember noticing that buddhist monks - think of the Dalai Lama - smile, and in fact laugh, a lot. And it's contagious. And they would say, there is a lot to smile, and laugh about. It all depends on how you see things. All things being equal, I'd rather see a world that smiles.
27
My six year old observant daughter noticed this same cultural difference when we were visiting France ten years ago. She said, Mommy French people don't smile at me when I smile at them. I explained to her that every country is different and in France if people don't know you, they may not smile. In the U.S. , we smile at strangers. It was hard for her to understand, but striking in how obvious this difference was even to a child.
Maybe the RBF is simply a way our facial muscles respond to being " on" most of the time. And perhaps revealing of something deeper as well. We are tired of over exposure of self in the world. Monks have deep contemplative practices that connect them to an inner place of peace and rest. When the well is filled, the natural response to the world is at least a pleasant expression and at best radiant joy.
Maybe the RBF is simply a way our facial muscles respond to being " on" most of the time. And perhaps revealing of something deeper as well. We are tired of over exposure of self in the world. Monks have deep contemplative practices that connect them to an inner place of peace and rest. When the well is filled, the natural response to the world is at least a pleasant expression and at best radiant joy.
2
My normal face is serious and pensive, or less serious and attentive. I smile when I meet someone, have a conversation, or an idea pleases me or I see or read something funny. Don't tell me to smile, its none of your business, really.
As Erin McKean has written, "Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’".
As Erin McKean has written, "Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’".
12
I get the same thing " cheer up love , it may never happen "
My response is always " it just did"
The photo above is me at 16 months - not much has changed.
My response is always " it just did"
The photo above is me at 16 months - not much has changed.
10
Perfect snappy comeback!
I grind my teeth at night. I hold a lot of tension in my jaw. I get RBF. I look better when I smile. I get it, but I don't want to smile all the time. Many times I have been asked "Are you okay"??? It makes me crazy. Deal with it.
6
I'm disappointed with the New York Times. This article is not deserving of the national attention that comes with being in the country's #1 newspaper. The RBF idea originated on Youtube as a funny video for young people to laugh at. By publishing this, the NYT is validating the idea that women need to be focused on their outside appearance at all times. What's next? Grumpy cat memes?
13
I've been being told to smile by strangers ever since I was a teenager. Why men on the street feel the need to dictate my expression, I don't know. But I'm not here to make them happy.
15
It seems once you put on the make up and make yourself public you really have to present by another standard.
These quotes are telling:
"like someone who only engages those who deserve it"
"Who has the energy to smile to strangers all day, anyway?"
If it is who you are, it does not take energy. It comes naturally. A smile costs you nothing. You have a RBF, because, well, you know.
"like someone who only engages those who deserve it"
"Who has the energy to smile to strangers all day, anyway?"
If it is who you are, it does not take energy. It comes naturally. A smile costs you nothing. You have a RBF, because, well, you know.
2
This undoubtedly affects hiring, too.
There's a secondary anchor at one of the local TV stations whose permanent if subtle smile I find extremely distracting. Even reading the most serious news, she seems to think all is right with the world. This is not her fault; someone probably hired her, maybe unconsciously, for this very trait. And I feel absolutely certain that women have lost jobs for looking too serious.
There's a secondary anchor at one of the local TV stations whose permanent if subtle smile I find extremely distracting. Even reading the most serious news, she seems to think all is right with the world. This is not her fault; someone probably hired her, maybe unconsciously, for this very trait. And I feel absolutely certain that women have lost jobs for looking too serious.
6
Well, you almost made it J.B., that is, feminism schmoozed in more as an afterthought than prime fixe. Aside from the commenting women who take serious issue with this light subject matter, you set forth a pleasant read for this brilliant, sunny Sunday morning.
and Hillary gets attacked for smiling too much.... I guess women just can't win...
9
C'mon NYT, we all know women should put on a happy face 24/7. How dare these celebrities disobey this ancient law!
Years ago as an employee in a large San Francisco law firm, one of the senior partners regularly chided me for appearing serious whenever he happened to approach me as I was attempting to summarize the latest coma inducing batch of Federal Regs. My theory was then and now that perhaps the RBF bothers many men as it might be a reminder of a unappreciated overworked and disapproving mother. There is nothing inherently wrong in smiling, but the foolish and age old expectation that women should be pleasant all the time needs to go along with far too many other silly judgments and expectations of how women should behave.
Years ago as an employee in a large San Francisco law firm, one of the senior partners regularly chided me for appearing serious whenever he happened to approach me as I was attempting to summarize the latest coma inducing batch of Federal Regs. My theory was then and now that perhaps the RBF bothers many men as it might be a reminder of a unappreciated overworked and disapproving mother. There is nothing inherently wrong in smiling, but the foolish and age old expectation that women should be pleasant all the time needs to go along with far too many other silly judgments and expectations of how women should behave.
8
I hear what you are saying! As a non-traditional student, age 57 attending college for the first time, I scare a lot of students and indeed some professors, much younger than me. And have been told, over and over that I am one of the most fun-loving people they know, once they get to know me! Once they overlook my scary face which is usually when I make a comment or four which can have the entire class convulsing in laughter. I literally fear returning to the job market.
2
Oh, God! Will this be the next thing everyone runs to a plastic surgeon to "correct?"
I'm seeing Batman characters in my head!
I'm seeing Batman characters in my head!
4
If you use a fake smile to appease others, you will lose your real smile forever. Think: If you had to say "I love you" to every stranger you met, just to stay out of trouble, what would you say when you actually fell in love?
9
This is a revelation that explains some reactions I get. Stupid, sexist, but helpful to understand.
Most of the celebs in the photos look pensive to me, not mad.
Most of the celebs in the photos look pensive to me, not mad.
4
If, "Yes, the tyranny of RBF is real" it's because writers like you talk about it. Obviously we're a long way from affording women the same respect we give men.
6
As a man i have quite a serious resting face, and get asked all the time by both men and women "are you having fun?", which they dont seem to ask of others. I think people who look serious are going to get this sort of thing all the time, and gender has little to do with it. As the article says, humans are wired to reach social cues through facial expressions. Combine this with the fact there are some people who cant stand if others around them are even the slightest bit serious or unhappy, and the result is people asking such questions and making such comments. There's no solution to this unless you ban people talking to each other.
1
Sometimes a baby in a stroller will look at you and lock on, drink you in, just because. I love a private thinking face. It's a privilege to see one at any age.
5
I am one male who suffers from RBF. I have been asked more times than I care to remember, "Are you okay?" "Don't look so serious." Etc. I even had a colleague advise me when I took on a leadership role, "You have to remember to look like everything is going well in the department even if it isn't." I never thought I was scowling, glowering, or glaring because I didn't feel that way. I must be one of those "severe cases," however, because I have made an effort recently to smile and it helps. It is particularly effective in those situations of encounters with strangers with whom you have only brief but nevertheless significant interactions, such as the clerk at the check-out counter, the bank teller, the gas station attendant, etc. For better or for worse, we do judge people by their facial expressions, as the article points out. Smile, you ARE on candid camera.
3
Last month a new colleague started at the ER. She has the habit of standing nearby while others are working and staring rather creepily, hands on her hips, smiling unnaturaly. Staring and smiling, smiling and staring, ... Motionless and seemingly inexhaustable. When I touched upon the subject with others, the general consensus was that she looked deranged.
When she thought she was alone, she would sit, looking rather sad.
I am glad my year there is over. It was like being stalked by a cousin of Chucky.
When she thought she was alone, she would sit, looking rather sad.
I am glad my year there is over. It was like being stalked by a cousin of Chucky.
3
Reality check maybe its because takes so many more musels to show smile people just lasy or dull by techolgy . Its not them its what techolgy has done to us all made us sponge people all our creativity been erased
People are always complaining about my smiling too much.
2
What an irrelevant issue. They're acting when they're on the set. Why should they have to act when they're not? I'm frequently criticized for not smiling. My response is that I'm from Philadelphia - I am smiling.
2
What's with our collective need to be and/ or appear happy all the time, anyway? "Treacherous, lecherous, smiling villain," anyone?
3
"The smiler with the knife under the cloak" --Chaucer
Didn't know that one ;~>.
Here's a completely subjective observation. Frequently, and that is almost understating it, there seems to be a perpetual frown on many women's faces; a dead-seriousness, a constant worry. As if life is one big struggle for or against everything, a constant never-ceasing battle, one that wears you out. I am frequently in Thailand, and simply on observation in the subway, on the sidewalks or in the supermarket, it is missing there; not entirely of course, but it seems rare compared to here. Perhaps 'taking it easy', just a bit more, putting things in perspective, not constantly worrying about money, the kids, the career, the status, social obligations, and and and... would make that constant worry, or RBF, whatever the interpretation, less frequent, and the facial expression less harsh. After all, for better or worse, most of us wear their heart on their sleeve.
1
Over the past ten years or so just about all models wore an expression of anger or annoyance. Apparently the new woman was to be taken seriously and this was her serious face. It's not a matter of smiling, it's a matter of frowning. Women may have liked it but we men would grimace. Women have a favorite derogatory expression for men: jerks. Well, these are female jerks. And now they are alarmed when they see themselves wearing these faces. A return to the '40's and '50's woman would be welcome. They were serious in a charming way.
3
'Cheer up!' 'Don't look so worried!' 'Everything will be all right!' This when all I'm doing is walking along thinking. OK, perhaps pondering or mulling things over, rather than merely deciding what I'm going to have for lunch. And from the age of, what, two ? Hence, I've had well over half a century of hearing these never-ending refrains, often from complete strangers. People, just so you know: we may not chew gum but some of us are still able to walk, stand or sit - and think at the same time. All right with that?
3
It ain't sociological, it's neurological.
Humans, like chimpanzees, have mimetic brain cells, we mirror what we see in the face of the other. Babies smile when you smile at them, they frown back when you do a frown, and smile again when you smile again. (Every person has done that greeting a baby in a carriage, it's funny, it's fun.)
Actors are acutely aware of how their face come across to others, we are not. We think we look "neutral" or have an image in our head of what we think we look like. Even when we look into a mirror, we subconsciously and instantaneously adjust our face to make it pleasant even to *ourselves*. That's why we are always shocked when we discover for the first time we really look like...always in a candid photograph.
Bottom line: be aware of your many faces, as actors are, and employ the right face in order to obtain the right reaction you want.
I put on my male RBF when I want to discourage people handling out flyers, it works about 80% of the time. : )
I put on my happy face when I want to attract someone at a bar, alas, it only works 10% of the time. : (
I put on the right face even in text. ; )
Humans, like chimpanzees, have mimetic brain cells, we mirror what we see in the face of the other. Babies smile when you smile at them, they frown back when you do a frown, and smile again when you smile again. (Every person has done that greeting a baby in a carriage, it's funny, it's fun.)
Actors are acutely aware of how their face come across to others, we are not. We think we look "neutral" or have an image in our head of what we think we look like. Even when we look into a mirror, we subconsciously and instantaneously adjust our face to make it pleasant even to *ourselves*. That's why we are always shocked when we discover for the first time we really look like...always in a candid photograph.
Bottom line: be aware of your many faces, as actors are, and employ the right face in order to obtain the right reaction you want.
I put on my male RBF when I want to discourage people handling out flyers, it works about 80% of the time. : )
I put on my happy face when I want to attract someone at a bar, alas, it only works 10% of the time. : (
I put on the right face even in text. ; )
3
Oh dear - it's called corporate politics. The C suite is only so large. Play hard or go home. Men spend huge amounts of time and money on clothes and looks to get ahead. I stocked clothes in Brooks Brothers for years. I didn't have a hope to afford the stuff I handled (except at the twice yearly employee sales 70% off still wasn't enough for me to afford a suit - and no I don't know if they still do that).
Will the NYTimes write an article on Stay at home dads being harassed for being the creepy old dude hanging with the young ladies. I've been doing it for over 20 years. Children should be raised by their single mothers, having two parents is an obscene display of privilege.
Will the NYTimes write an article on Stay at home dads being harassed for being the creepy old dude hanging with the young ladies. I've been doing it for over 20 years. Children should be raised by their single mothers, having two parents is an obscene display of privilege.
1
As my mother used to say, a smiling face and an empty mind.
5
If anyone in American public life suffers from RBF more than anyone else, it is not a woman but a man...I give you former Vice President Dick Cheney.
On the other hand, Cheney'r protege, the former President George Bush is the archetypal WMF..."What Me?" Face.
On the other hand, Cheney'r protege, the former President George Bush is the archetypal WMF..."What Me?" Face.
3
Cheney has a permanent sneer on his face. George W. Bush, a permanent smirk, and Michael Bloomberg, a permanent archaic smile.
When I was a member of my high school band, while boarding a bus for a road trip I overheard a certain boy with a rep for bullying mutter, "She acts like a guy." His main complaint? I never smiled at him or took him lightly. So I learned early that withholding my smile was power. It served me well during my career years in a tech profession where being overlooked, underpaid and tokenized was the modus operandi. It was a way to keep the focus on my skills instead of my gender. My smiles now are profuse and natural. I like the way my face feels when I do it. But serious face is always accessible when needed. :-)
6
I guess I'm just clueless. I wouldn't have thought anything about any of those pictures.
4
That's why I like dolphins.
1
So surprised to see that this article is only about women's faces. This year, I resolved not to start any more TV shows where the ads project the cast in perpetual frowns, staring stonily into the middle distance, glowering or bleeding. I assumed, wrongly or rightly, that the promo campaigns were looking for ways to message us these are serious shows, future award contenders. My best example is "Affair", where even the kids looked as angry and menacing as all the adults, including the venal grandparents. ( I was right, it's one angry, turgid show; not for me.)
Also, just a thought, could this be more an American concern or conceit? More than a couple Europeans have commented to me that we smile more often than most people and seem uncomfortable if they (Europeans) don't smile back or as often.
Also, just a thought, could this be more an American concern or conceit? More than a couple Europeans have commented to me that we smile more often than most people and seem uncomfortable if they (Europeans) don't smile back or as often.
1
Perhaps it would be useful to contrast the resting face photos of our celebrity examples with photos of them when they genuinely are angry, unhappy, or disgusted.
Or at least when they are acting that way, since they are all actresses - even Victoria Beckham became known to the world for intentionally played the role of entertainer, and cannot possibly be ignorant of the spotlight the UK press places on the WAGs of prominent male athletes.
Or at least when they are acting that way, since they are all actresses - even Victoria Beckham became known to the world for intentionally played the role of entertainer, and cannot possibly be ignorant of the spotlight the UK press places on the WAGs of prominent male athletes.
3
I don't trust anyone who smiles all the time.
Let's make sure we're separating the roles celebrities play from their off-screen persona. Of course that would render this article meaningless.
Let's make sure we're separating the roles celebrities play from their off-screen persona. Of course that would render this article meaningless.
These women are devastangly sexy because their honest facial expressions are representative of normal human existence. Don't change a thing.
5
I have two daughters, 23 and 20. My older daughter Kate does a killer scowl with squinty eyes and a dagger look that can scare off unwanted interaction the way 100 percent DEET sends mosquitoes off to look for another meal.
Yet, when she is killing it with her impromptu comedy riffs, she's Carol Burnett and Vickie Lawrence rolled into one. Kate has nice control of her facial expressions and when she uses that scowl, it makes RBF look like rookie league stuff.
My other daughter Hannah has perfected what I call the "modified Pappelbon look." This is based on now Washington Nats closer Jonathen Pappelbon. Hannah picked it up off him while he closed for the Red Sox. He looks in and just before he pitches, Pappelbon does this lip curl scowl to focus in and also, I'm sure, to intimidate the batter. Hannah's version is the absolute best. She can dismiss an unwanted interaction in a split second before the other party has a chance to speak.
I have encouraged my girls to work on these faces for years. They know how to use their faces as assets - happy if they want, serious when need be and very astute and, frankly, awesomely off-putting when the time is right.
I can't imagine that either of them would worry about how they look facially because they are in control of their own looks across the spectrum of facial expression.
In many cases, they actively practice what this article calls RBF, cultivating their expressiveness the way they want. It's not a problem - it's a gift!
Yet, when she is killing it with her impromptu comedy riffs, she's Carol Burnett and Vickie Lawrence rolled into one. Kate has nice control of her facial expressions and when she uses that scowl, it makes RBF look like rookie league stuff.
My other daughter Hannah has perfected what I call the "modified Pappelbon look." This is based on now Washington Nats closer Jonathen Pappelbon. Hannah picked it up off him while he closed for the Red Sox. He looks in and just before he pitches, Pappelbon does this lip curl scowl to focus in and also, I'm sure, to intimidate the batter. Hannah's version is the absolute best. She can dismiss an unwanted interaction in a split second before the other party has a chance to speak.
I have encouraged my girls to work on these faces for years. They know how to use their faces as assets - happy if they want, serious when need be and very astute and, frankly, awesomely off-putting when the time is right.
I can't imagine that either of them would worry about how they look facially because they are in control of their own looks across the spectrum of facial expression.
In many cases, they actively practice what this article calls RBF, cultivating their expressiveness the way they want. It's not a problem - it's a gift!
2
When my dad used to irritate me by commenting on what a "great mom" I was to his grandchildren (despite X, Y and Z atypical aspects of my parenting situation, & despite the fact that he and my mom otherwise had been hypercritical of my siblings & me our whole lives, as well as taking anything we might achieve as a given), at first I questioned my irritation, wondering how a compliment could be a bad thing.
But then it hit me. *Any* time a person expresses an opinion about you, regardless of whether it's a compliment or insult, that person *assumes* you care!
It's arrogant, presumptuous and conceited. (And when it's a personal comment, it's also rude.)
In fact, by that time, I was well into the "It's-my-life" stage, & I couldn't have cared less what my dad thought of my parenting abilities or anything else. I also had as little use for his personal comments as I did his unsolicited advice & his OCD-level devotion to the role of "food monitor" and "health & safety czar."
It's the same thing with these people (the vast majority of them men) who tell women (colleagues at work, strangers on the street) to "smile," or express any other opinion about their appearance. These people assume the women care! The sheer *entitlement* that underlies that assumption is mind-boggling.
Of course arrogance & entitlement aren't the only problems with "smile!" Just a couple problems not yet squarely addressed here.
But then it hit me. *Any* time a person expresses an opinion about you, regardless of whether it's a compliment or insult, that person *assumes* you care!
It's arrogant, presumptuous and conceited. (And when it's a personal comment, it's also rude.)
In fact, by that time, I was well into the "It's-my-life" stage, & I couldn't have cared less what my dad thought of my parenting abilities or anything else. I also had as little use for his personal comments as I did his unsolicited advice & his OCD-level devotion to the role of "food monitor" and "health & safety czar."
It's the same thing with these people (the vast majority of them men) who tell women (colleagues at work, strangers on the street) to "smile," or express any other opinion about their appearance. These people assume the women care! The sheer *entitlement* that underlies that assumption is mind-boggling.
Of course arrogance & entitlement aren't the only problems with "smile!" Just a couple problems not yet squarely addressed here.
2
Seek help for that chip on your shoulder. Sometimes people give compliments because they're being nice.
2
This is not a "women's issue". I'm a straight white man who is constantly told to smile or asked why I'm so grumpy. One particularly annoying incident was when a doctor's female receptionist told me to smile. A simple "I'm a customer; you're the employee; you smile" did the trick.
4
And here I thought this was my urban, don't-bother-me face for when I'm on the el train in Chicago. Since 1980! Now it has a name!
2
Oh, so that's what people (male and female) have meant all these years when they've asked me, "Are you all right?"!
1
I find it appalling that because of this demand of our culture that women smile, most female newscasters, as opposed to male newscasters, smile while they give the news. This is also carried to the extreme by beauty pageant participants and other women in entertainment who smile all the time while they talk.
3
I have a bit of an oblong face and a quiet demeanor - something I have in common with family members. I've had people (usually men but not always) either ask if I were ok or demand that I smile in virtually every situation. One time a man got in my elevator and quite loudly told me to smile; I had just learned that my mom had a small stroke. I did not feel like smiling right then. Why is there a desire to tell other people what expression to have? Including people you don't know? I don't get it.
In the work world, an expression or demeanor that is seen as too serious can absolutely impact women in a negative way. It goes beyond that, though. Women who are managers are still sometimes expected to be pleasers - or appeasers, as much as or more than leaders. Most women friends of mine who are in the corporate world have heard performance review criticisms that they can't imagine being said to a man in the same position.
From the time I started to experience these things in college, through a 25 year long corporate career, I have learned to consciously change my expression to seem visibly chipper. Like any false emotion, it's not something that is comfortable or easy. And once I learned to do it, things got easier. I wish I were able to just not worry about it. I know these things are based on gender stereotypes, and that usually people don't mean harm. But if I did not try to protect myself in this way, I know the person who would suffer for it would be me.
In the work world, an expression or demeanor that is seen as too serious can absolutely impact women in a negative way. It goes beyond that, though. Women who are managers are still sometimes expected to be pleasers - or appeasers, as much as or more than leaders. Most women friends of mine who are in the corporate world have heard performance review criticisms that they can't imagine being said to a man in the same position.
From the time I started to experience these things in college, through a 25 year long corporate career, I have learned to consciously change my expression to seem visibly chipper. Like any false emotion, it's not something that is comfortable or easy. And once I learned to do it, things got easier. I wish I were able to just not worry about it. I know these things are based on gender stereotypes, and that usually people don't mean harm. But if I did not try to protect myself in this way, I know the person who would suffer for it would be me.
1
Oh boy, Nora Long's experience sure resonates with me. In elementary and junior high school, teachers and family members were always telling me I looked sad, when I most certainly wasn't. I guess people who want girls and women to smile when there's nothing particular to smile about MEAN well, but "tyranny" is really the perfect word for it. Especially when women, but not men, are judged "bitchy" because they simply look serious. That ridiculous double standard...
4
My kids always think I'm grumpy or mad at them.....sigh. No kids, it's just mommy's face...
Oh, it happens to male, as well.
A very successful Swedish man, a textbook author, master pastry chef, and pastry chef instructor, used to preemptively defend himself from reactions to his RBF by introducing himself to a new classroom of students by saying, "You may have heard that I'm angry and unapproachable because I don't smile all day. Well, I am not angry nor unapproachable. I am a Swede and in my country only two types of people smile all day, drunks and idiots ... and I guarantee that I am neither!"
Classic.
A very successful Swedish man, a textbook author, master pastry chef, and pastry chef instructor, used to preemptively defend himself from reactions to his RBF by introducing himself to a new classroom of students by saying, "You may have heard that I'm angry and unapproachable because I don't smile all day. Well, I am not angry nor unapproachable. I am a Swede and in my country only two types of people smile all day, drunks and idiots ... and I guarantee that I am neither!"
Classic.
7
Why "bitchy" face? Why the assumption that if we women are not smiling in some obsequious (or not) fashion that our pensive expressions are "bitchy"? Have I missed something (it's possible!)? Isn't this word still derogatory?
5
That's just it.
There is a female announcer on our classical radio station here who always sounds like she's smiling, and it is beyond annoying. It sounds like someone putting on an act. I turn off the radio when her show comes on. Please, just do your radio announcing "straight." My mood shouldn't be affected by your voice.
3
That's one of the reasons I dislike WQXR, except for the announcers who came over from WNYC. It's out-of-town classical radio for me.
1
Almost all announcers on classical radio, whether local or nationally syndicated programs, exaggerate their speech inflections so as to suggest the aural analogue of a smiley-faced emoticon--while, often, giving only sketchy information about the recordings, so that one has often to search out online playlists.
1
Not as much as the old-timers of WQXR, ML. One writer said they sounded like they were reading from "Mary Poppins." I haven't heard such contrived bounciness on any other classical stations, or even from the announcers who came over from WNYC.
Kristen Stewart looks like it just occurred to her that she misplaced a sock five years ago.
January Jones looks like she is reliving an excellent breakfast including a very pleasant coffee.
Victoria Beckham spotted a mouse.
Anna Kendrick regrets the way she left things with her mother. Again.
Anna Pacquin appears to be thinking: which side of my head is my hair on? WOOP. Not this one! Haha. Oh cool, a chair.
January Jones looks like she is reliving an excellent breakfast including a very pleasant coffee.
Victoria Beckham spotted a mouse.
Anna Kendrick regrets the way she left things with her mother. Again.
Anna Pacquin appears to be thinking: which side of my head is my hair on? WOOP. Not this one! Haha. Oh cool, a chair.
2
Men and women have expressive faces, It is a depressing male chauvinism that we even have a name called "rbf". Women do smile more it seems as if it is their default. Often I find women apologize with a smile. A way of deflecting violence for the worlds largest oppressed minority. Men are intimidated by women who express "all" their feelings.
5
Females are a majority in the human species.
Is it just me who thinks the women pictured (as being examples of RBF) are simply gorgeous? Why is this even a topic?
2
The women in the photos look fine to me. Not angry. Certainly not "bitchy," whatever that is supposed to mean in this context. Pensive, maybe.
The article is pretty funny, but what's not funny is feeling like I'm stuck in a time warp. In the 1970s, when I was a young woman starting out in my career, i was often commanded to smile by complete strangers as well as co-workers (all male, of course). I can't believe we haven't progressed at all. (One bright side to aging: I may look like a crabby old bag now, but no one wants to mess with me!)
The article is pretty funny, but what's not funny is feeling like I'm stuck in a time warp. In the 1970s, when I was a young woman starting out in my career, i was often commanded to smile by complete strangers as well as co-workers (all male, of course). I can't believe we haven't progressed at all. (One bright side to aging: I may look like a crabby old bag now, but no one wants to mess with me!)
5
Contemplative, focused, pensive, intense and dreamy come to mind, but not bitchy.
8
I have Resting Bitch Face, and I'm a dude. All my life people have come up to me, given me a dirty look, then angrily demanded, "What's wrong with you?" It took me years to figure out that what was wrong with me was, I was thinking of something.
Are we sure that people who smile all the time aren't simply mindless buffoons? Are we sure that RBF isn't just an invention of people who have never had a thought in their lives?
Are we sure that people who smile all the time aren't simply mindless buffoons? Are we sure that RBF isn't just an invention of people who have never had a thought in their lives?
4
It's my face and I'll do whatever I want with it.
9
Throughout my 20's and 30's I was told to "smile" by any strange man on the street who didn't like my face in repose or thought. Because I was not giving him notice or attention. In all of the pictures, the women look lovely, pensive, normal. Especially January Jones. We are all allowed to be in our own heads and not to get called out by anyone who wants to get a rise out of us. Mind your own business!
8
This isn't wrong, it's just incomplete because you aren't including men in the problem. They walk around looking mean to their co workers and families too. It's a good habit to try and keep a pleasant look-you'll notice, male or female-people will respond positively to you in your daily life. Or you could just have a knee jerk reaction to the information, just because the way it's presented is flawed. The author clearly did not like the was she was communicating.with her face. She's smart to pay attention to it.
1
I dunno....they all look pretty good to me.
6
Its not default for men or ok. Noticed it in my brother (several years older) around late 50's kind of a death mask. Now i haveit.
Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have people ask constantly,with a look of concern,"are you ok" if i was'ntwhy would i talk to you about it.does not matter how cheerful I am by that small strip across my eyes they feel I must be hiding some horrible secret.
Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have people ask constantly,with a look of concern,"are you ok" if i was'ntwhy would i talk to you about it.does not matter how cheerful I am by that small strip across my eyes they feel I must be hiding some horrible secret.
1
Well, if you go by social media, women are always supposed to have a slightly stunned eye expression with lips pooched, ready for the inception of a sex act previously limited to prostitutes.
5
Now referred to as duck face or trout pout.
I looked at the photos. None of these women looks angry. Not one. They look mildly pensive.
For the true RBF, however, take a look at the models in any current magazine. I think they may be attempting to look serious, but end up looking like unpleasant idiots.
For the true RBF, however, take a look at the models in any current magazine. I think they may be attempting to look serious, but end up looking like unpleasant idiots.
9
My wife astonishes me at times with questions about why I'm 'scowling', when I'm simply relaxed, or looking out at the back yard through the window. or reading. A former boss of mine would consistently ask why I looked tired. Being late-30's, early-40's at the time, I couldn't shrug it off as age-related facial changes. Maybe this is an opportunity for the pharmaceutical companies: 'Ask your doctor about RBF'.
19
Psychopaths are noted for their charm - including a charismatic smile. Most people regularly Mia-read the signals.
Sad sad sad that a woman's face in repose is now the subject of an acronym, a meme, and a discussion requiring a plastic surgery consult. But it amounts to the same garbage people have told women for at least the 3 decades since I was young enough for anyone to care: "smile, honey!" And the subtext is also the same: a woman who isn't performing as gazed-upon-object and placating her viewer is a threat. Maybe I'm humorless, but this article seems to accept the time-worn oppressive message that women bear full responsibility for how they are viewed: somehow this unacceptable face must be MY fault! I must fix it!
42
This phenomena happens to men too. In men it is viewed as anger and aggression. If you are a large male you are viewed as a treat when you have on your Resting "son of a bitch" face. It can scare women and children and cause aggression in men. If you are a large male and especially a large black male it can get you killed. Frankly only dogs see to get it right. They are able to decree aggression from a resting face. Try having three large casually but neatly dressed men with "the face" walk down the street together without talking and see what reactions you get. The phenomena is real and it would be interesting to know if it evolved for a reason.
10
I have always had RBF. My childhood pictures show that consistently. Time for me to embrace my aging RBF- and move to Russia!
6
And these are the liberated role models of our daughters!
7
There is a male equivalent, and I have been told that I do it, unintentionally.
It is the "intimidation face" or the "looking for a fight face".
Depending on who you are, you may be told that you are intellectually intimidating, or that you are physically intimidating. Part of that equation is that if you are not white, you are not projecting intellectual intimidation but physical intimidation.
When President Obama said that he could not be seen as the "angry black man", he meant that certain facial expressions had to be avoided. Obama can't be seen with a "looking for a fight face". It doesn't matter how intelligent and educated he is, he will be seen as physically threatening.
I believe that the many horror stories of police murders of black men (finally) coming into the attention of the media and public are due to black men having a "looking for a fight face". This is translated into police aggression in response. At worst, it results in being killed because the officer "feared for his life".
Throughout American history, African-Americans have instructed their children on how to present themselves to police and other authority figures, including the importance of their facial expressions.
It is the "intimidation face" or the "looking for a fight face".
Depending on who you are, you may be told that you are intellectually intimidating, or that you are physically intimidating. Part of that equation is that if you are not white, you are not projecting intellectual intimidation but physical intimidation.
When President Obama said that he could not be seen as the "angry black man", he meant that certain facial expressions had to be avoided. Obama can't be seen with a "looking for a fight face". It doesn't matter how intelligent and educated he is, he will be seen as physically threatening.
I believe that the many horror stories of police murders of black men (finally) coming into the attention of the media and public are due to black men having a "looking for a fight face". This is translated into police aggression in response. At worst, it results in being killed because the officer "feared for his life".
Throughout American history, African-Americans have instructed their children on how to present themselves to police and other authority figures, including the importance of their facial expressions.
8
Really? Wow. I never heard of this "RBF" thing. I'm upset that we just can't get over insulting women for never being "enough" of something. Sad reflection of society's perceptions of women.
28
Men telling women to 'smile' is a form of social control and a way to express dominance, as are supposedly 'funny' remarks about women's 'bitchy faces'. How would it seem if a white person told a non-smiling black person on the street "Smile!"? How would it seem if a white person made 'funny' remarks about a non-smiling black person as having a 'thug face"? In fact, African-Americans did have smile appeasingly all the time; that's where we get the stereotype of the constantly grinning "Uncle Tom". And with the Sandra Bland case, you can see what happens when someone who is black AND a woman, doesn't smile at a cop. It's incredibly discouraging to me that in 2015, after years and years of feminist activism, young women still don't understand how aggressive and sexist a demand to smile is, and it's so depressing that even this NYT reporter is criticizing herself for her supposedly 'ugly' unsmiling face, which is no different than any unsmiling male reporter. Stop smiling and stop deprecating yourself for having normal facial expressions! And when men tell you to smile, tell them you'll start smiling when the patriarchy is dead and rotting in its grave.
62
This article mentions men in the abstract or in the context of anecdotes, but (based on a single reading, I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong), no men are quoted, and the RBF "phenomenon" seems to be primarily the concern of women. The article introduces the concept by referencing photos of celebrities who are not posing for the camera. Who views, judges, and perjoratively comments on those photos? Mostly other women, so far as I can tell, based on my observations regarding media consumption.
It is bothersome that we criticize "society" (read: white males) for singling out a certain group, when in fact, it is the supposedly aggrieved segment of society that is doing most of the singling out (at least as it relates to this topic). I understand ingrained and learned social behavior, and I, too, find it obnoxious that some feel it is their prerogative to suggest improvements to others' facial expressions. But we need to be real, much of that ingraining of social behavior and ingraining is coming from moms, female teachers, and legions of female internet comments who deem it in their purview to comments on daughters', students', and celebrities' facial expressions.
For anyone who cares, all of this coming from a male sometimes accused of having a perpetual you-know-what-eating-grin and someone who finds some of the RBF examples (in the accompanying photos to this article) quite striking.
It is bothersome that we criticize "society" (read: white males) for singling out a certain group, when in fact, it is the supposedly aggrieved segment of society that is doing most of the singling out (at least as it relates to this topic). I understand ingrained and learned social behavior, and I, too, find it obnoxious that some feel it is their prerogative to suggest improvements to others' facial expressions. But we need to be real, much of that ingraining of social behavior and ingraining is coming from moms, female teachers, and legions of female internet comments who deem it in their purview to comments on daughters', students', and celebrities' facial expressions.
For anyone who cares, all of this coming from a male sometimes accused of having a perpetual you-know-what-eating-grin and someone who finds some of the RBF examples (in the accompanying photos to this article) quite striking.
Explain then why women tell me, a man, to cheer up, or ask me if im having fun, based entirely on my quite serious looking resting face? Perhaps you're using this article as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself as a woman?
1
I agree with those that say the essence of the smile is in the eyes, not the mouth. Perhaps practicing the "smize" will help, but many people develop a vertical frown line between the eyes with age; it could be a result of worry or not smiling enough, but I suspect it's genetic. If one is to have cosmetic surgery, fillers or botox, go for the frown line and get rid of that angry look. This applies to men, too.
If this is all you have to worry about, then you got your SBF on whether you like it or not. It's nice to see a Woman with a serious look, although I do question the intellectual creds of those presented. Actually, I don't - they don't have any. So...how 'bout that Climate Change? Transgender equality? Emerging Oligarchy in the U.S.? Something of substance p'haps? Mmmmmmmm????
2
The Times has plenty on all these other topics you mention. It can afford to have a piece to the social aspects of facial expression.
3
Women don't have to smile and look happy. We depend on them a lot and always have. We are lucky to have such a great group of tough, smart
troopers who will maintain the greatness of this country.
troopers who will maintain the greatness of this country.
3
I like this treatment of the issue. Smiling all the time would mean you were a fool, whether man or woman. Frowning all the time makes you look grim and annoying. Serious people...Wait a minute, who cares what serious people look like, we should care about what serious people do, and if their thinking produces anything of value. As for actresses and newscasters and people in the public eye, they get paid for performing, for their appearance. Most of the rest of us get paid for that too, but not directly. Instead, it influences how we are perceived, and thus, how we are treated. It is worth thinking about. But just consider the look on your face when thinking about it.
4
How unfortunate. This is how the National Enquirer (and other tabloids) make their living: photographing the hell out of women at the rate of 10 frames per second, so that at least one frame catches the face "at rest." And the "resting face" conveys sourness -- which enables the headlines, such as "_______ furious at her husband/boyfriend."
The problem is: the public buys these newspapers based on the degree of facial animosity it conveys. So, the question is, why do people buy into this? Almost never - as I'm sure has already been pointed out - does this happen with men. If a man looks this way, he's being "contemplative" or "serious." Talk about gender bias.
The problem is: the public buys these newspapers based on the degree of facial animosity it conveys. So, the question is, why do people buy into this? Almost never - as I'm sure has already been pointed out - does this happen with men. If a man looks this way, he's being "contemplative" or "serious." Talk about gender bias.
23
Its kind of ironic how a WOMAN is instigating an issue which is not even a well known issue among the general public. She is actually promoting this problem more than solving it. From personal experience, I would imagine most of the people asking if someone (male or female) is ok or making judmental statements about people's looks is coming from older women who (under the guise of being concerned) are either controlling, busybodies, or just plain unhappy themselves.
7
Nope. It comes from men, almost exclusively - the other end of the wolf whistle spectrum.
1
Speak for yourself, seagazer101. I've heard the demand to smile from both men and women. But only men use it as a catcall.
1
My experience is that if you smile a lot, then your skin stretches over the years, and as a result, when you aren't smiling, you look very dark and threatening. I learned that this was true of me (in spite of my name) when my son was seven and I was about 50, and he said, "Mom only has two moods--happy and mad." I also learned years ago to smile when I look in the mirror, just to retain my good mood, so a few years ago, I made myself look in the mirror without a smile. Not good.
6
You are gorgeous with every line that you've earned, through happy or sad times. Don't judge yourself like that. You don't deserve it!
1
At some point, you should accept yourself as you are. It's just plain weird that older women feel they have to smile when they look in the mirror as if they're Medusa just as they are. Those who love you will love you still, and those who don't, won't.
1
This is how I know I have RBF. Went to Motor Vehicle to get a non-driver's ID, and without any warning the woman behind the counter took my photo. When I saw the resulting ID card could only think: "I look like such a b----"!
2
Kind of reminds me of when I was still at the "friends" stage with the woman who would become my wife (gay marriage). My wife grew up in a very conservative, Catholic family; was still in the closet with her parents; and insisted on not only keeping it a secret from her parents when our relationship developed into a romance, but also on putting *me* in the closet with her, at least with respect to her parents.
When my wife finally came out about two years later, her mom gasped and said, "I always knew there was something wrong with that [my first name]! She was never deferential enough to men!"
Another, more blatant symptom of the "smile" disease, if you ask me.
When my wife finally came out about two years later, her mom gasped and said, "I always knew there was something wrong with that [my first name]! She was never deferential enough to men!"
Another, more blatant symptom of the "smile" disease, if you ask me.
14
I was looking at old childhood photos the other day and talk about RBF! I think it's partly genetics and partly because my mom always told me that overly smiling women look insipid and moronic. Chalk one up for mom!
When men tell women to smile it's just another way of controlling them. You don't look the way I like so it's my duty to tell you to change. It's just plain entitlement and it's offensive.
When men tell women to smile it's just another way of controlling them. You don't look the way I like so it's my duty to tell you to change. It's just plain entitlement and it's offensive.
17
Just be someone who says "Pass" to this particular "problem".
Problem solved. Wait for a more interesting one.
Problem solved. Wait for a more interesting one.
10
"Pensive," "serious," "determined, "intense " - those are words these photos evoke in me.
Using the expression "resting bitch" to characterize them probably suggests that many people haven't learned to verbally observe in themselves and in others the many emotional states we humans are capable of displaying facially.
That problem of being emotionally out-of-touch is much more likely to be found in men than in women - but a woman's physiognomy seems capable of a greater range of facial expression than a man's, so we're more likely to notice female emotional repression or abstractedness.
Foreigners have remarked on the wide, toothy. rictal grins female American television news broadcasters are so often required to display while reflexively chortling with laughter at a newsman's unfunny jokes.
In other western nations, where the misery index is lower than ours - in part because life there isn't a tiring, irritating, anxiety-provoking competitive struggle during one's prime years in order to appease the deity William James called "The Bitch-Goddess Success" - the artificial expression of "chronic happiness" required of American women is much less in evidence.
Even in the notoriously conformist 1950's, women were not made to become as preoccupied every waking hour with every detail of their appearance as they are today, in order to be considered poised and confident.
What's needed here is a return to something like the "Conformity of Non-Conformism" of the 1970's.
Using the expression "resting bitch" to characterize them probably suggests that many people haven't learned to verbally observe in themselves and in others the many emotional states we humans are capable of displaying facially.
That problem of being emotionally out-of-touch is much more likely to be found in men than in women - but a woman's physiognomy seems capable of a greater range of facial expression than a man's, so we're more likely to notice female emotional repression or abstractedness.
Foreigners have remarked on the wide, toothy. rictal grins female American television news broadcasters are so often required to display while reflexively chortling with laughter at a newsman's unfunny jokes.
In other western nations, where the misery index is lower than ours - in part because life there isn't a tiring, irritating, anxiety-provoking competitive struggle during one's prime years in order to appease the deity William James called "The Bitch-Goddess Success" - the artificial expression of "chronic happiness" required of American women is much less in evidence.
Even in the notoriously conformist 1950's, women were not made to become as preoccupied every waking hour with every detail of their appearance as they are today, in order to be considered poised and confident.
What's needed here is a return to something like the "Conformity of Non-Conformism" of the 1970's.
8
better RBF than GI (grinning idiot)
12
NY Times, please unpack this statement further: "men view serious women as less sexually attractive than those who look friendly (the opposite of how women view men)." = Women want a serious, unsmiling man.
This is worth investigating. I have a super funny son. He'll have to reign in his humor in order for women to find him sexually attractive, because he doesn't do manly scowl (yet)?
A smiling man must not be smart, motivated, have a good job, have money, a future, or a house.
Cuts both ways.
This is worth investigating. I have a super funny son. He'll have to reign in his humor in order for women to find him sexually attractive, because he doesn't do manly scowl (yet)?
A smiling man must not be smart, motivated, have a good job, have money, a future, or a house.
Cuts both ways.
2
In the meeting; "Is she upset?" "Are you upset?"
Guys, chill, mommy's face is just taking a little break, ok?
Guys, chill, mommy's face is just taking a little break, ok?
4
I submit "resting mean mug" as a more accurate, and preferable term.
2
Or just "resting mean face".
1
I think I realize what it is that seems 'wrong' about the expression: it's a look of seeming lack of humility and/or gratitude. As if the concept of unsustainable, unquenchable cravings is gnawing at their subconscious. Why, despite health, youth, wealth, hot running water, indoor toilets, plentiful delicious food , wild sex, am I still unsatisfied?
4
They don't look "craving" to me. As to why women should go around demonstrating "humble" facial expressions, I'm not sure. It's a matter of display of submission, I think, to smile at others as an expected thing. Men don't tend to do it, anyway.
We do not have "Resting (Slur) Face" for African Americans, Asians, Hispanics or others for a reason: dignity.
Time to call out this sexist crap and get rid of it.
Time to call out this sexist crap and get rid of it.
7
Because facial expressions affect the perceptions of others and are subject to personal control, then to some degree they have evolved as a tool to improve one's "terms of trade" with the rest of the world. (Of course facial expressions reflect other things, too.) To the degree facial expressions are used as a tool, one would expect them to be used more by those men and women who seek more from their "audience" than (they believe) they could gain based solely on talent. Likewise, people confident in their ability to succeed don't need to smile unless they feel like it.
2
When I was fresh out of college and had just moved to NYC, I quickly discovered it was useful to put on what I called my "homicidal maniac face."
Not only did it eradicate the infuriating street harassment that random straight men (particularly construction workers) used to "favor" me with, it also seemed to protect me from muggings, rape and other face-to-face crime, panhandlers and being accosted by all the *other* crazies. (I lived in NYC more than 20 years, and except for one car break-in when I was absent, never became a crime victim.) My fellow New Yorkers seemed to think I might be even crazier and more dangerous than they were.
Since I always hated the friction of the NYC streets (when I finally moved way out to the country, where I could commune with nature on a daily basis, I was astonished at how much happier I became), and, yes, am at least as nuts as the next person, my Homicidal Maniac Face was also gratifyingly self-expressive.
Let's abbreviate it "HMF" and make it the next meme, why not?
Not only did it eradicate the infuriating street harassment that random straight men (particularly construction workers) used to "favor" me with, it also seemed to protect me from muggings, rape and other face-to-face crime, panhandlers and being accosted by all the *other* crazies. (I lived in NYC more than 20 years, and except for one car break-in when I was absent, never became a crime victim.) My fellow New Yorkers seemed to think I might be even crazier and more dangerous than they were.
Since I always hated the friction of the NYC streets (when I finally moved way out to the country, where I could commune with nature on a daily basis, I was astonished at how much happier I became), and, yes, am at least as nuts as the next person, my Homicidal Maniac Face was also gratifyingly self-expressive.
Let's abbreviate it "HMF" and make it the next meme, why not?
96
My college lady love of 1974 almost obsessively took photos of my RBF-HMF, which I would rather label "human serious face", precisely because it was so natural to me (although I now believe I unconsciously exaggerated it because it brought me quick cheap status), and reflected but was 'forbidden' to her.
Almost nothing has changed except for dawning awareness, but awareness is underestimated.
Almost nothing has changed except for dawning awareness, but awareness is underestimated.
I prefer CBF (Crazy Bitch Face). And I say that because when commuting into Boston I used it as well, to great effect. Thirty years later, it still comes in handy from time to time.
It is important and useful to have a repertoire of expressions - visual and verbal - throughout a woman's life. The trick is knowing when to use them.
It is important and useful to have a repertoire of expressions - visual and verbal - throughout a woman's life. The trick is knowing when to use them.
This happens to me too. But I wouldn't call it RBF. I think more appropriately is busy woman/mother figuring things out face and no I don't have time to think about what you might think my face looks like at the moment. Notice though that most men carry that kind of face-- and will look you up and down without saying anything or cracking a smile. Oftentimes am the one saying good morning? can i help you with something? This article needs to stop. There is no problem here...
"Daddy always said I wasn't pretty unless I would smile. So I'd smile, smile, smile. I was Daddy's smiling girl, I'd always try to please, I would make him happy and put him at his ease, I would smile, smile, smile. (Chorus: If you smile in just the right way you'll make a pretty wife, and someone will take care of you for all your pretty life, if you smile, smile, smile!) So, I was Tommy's smiling bride, I'd always try to please, I would make him happy and put him at his ease, I would smile, smile, smile. (From the musical "Getting my Act Together and Taking it on the Road" by Gretchen Cryer & Nancy Ford, in the late '70s.) It is astonishing that 35+ years later not only have sexist expectations about women not changed, they've gotten worse.
94
I actually tense up at the word "smile." It's a word that's used as a weapon, a command and an implied criticism for too long.
2
I wish people would give others the benefit of the doubt instead of judging them and projecting all sorts of things upon them because of how they look. Some people just have stern faces; others may be unhappy for reasons (gasp!) completely unrelated to you.
I like smiling and deep down there is a happy person somewhere in there (I do think people have happiness set points). However one reason I don't smile much is that my teeth changed and now if I smile naturally, it looks grotesque. People have actually said "eww" or been taken aback when I have smiled broadly and easily. I have to smile in the exact right way, and hold it at a slightly less wide point, in order for it to look acceptable. It looks fake, goofy and a little weird. But at least it isn't downright off-putting.
Needless to say, it's exhausting. So I just don't do it that much. I keep my face in what I believe is a neutral expression, but others sometimes interpret it as mean, unfriendly, or who knows what. Then they make up stories or look for evidence to support their beliefs.
The impression management and trying to undo gossip people made up about you is just as exhausting, if not impossible. And then you really ARE mad at them and the face is real. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's gotten to the point that I've preemptively warned people about my face when I've met them, if the person's opinion is of any potential importance. It's an awkward, strange thing to say.
But what else is there to do?
I like smiling and deep down there is a happy person somewhere in there (I do think people have happiness set points). However one reason I don't smile much is that my teeth changed and now if I smile naturally, it looks grotesque. People have actually said "eww" or been taken aback when I have smiled broadly and easily. I have to smile in the exact right way, and hold it at a slightly less wide point, in order for it to look acceptable. It looks fake, goofy and a little weird. But at least it isn't downright off-putting.
Needless to say, it's exhausting. So I just don't do it that much. I keep my face in what I believe is a neutral expression, but others sometimes interpret it as mean, unfriendly, or who knows what. Then they make up stories or look for evidence to support their beliefs.
The impression management and trying to undo gossip people made up about you is just as exhausting, if not impossible. And then you really ARE mad at them and the face is real. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's gotten to the point that I've preemptively warned people about my face when I've met them, if the person's opinion is of any potential importance. It's an awkward, strange thing to say.
But what else is there to do?
1
I have evidently had RBF my entire life since people have asking me "What's wrong?", or saying, "Smile, it can't be that bad." for as long as I can remember, unless I am actually smiling. Years ago, one morning at the Post Office - it goes without saying, crowded to the doors - a clerk shouted just that across about fifty people at me. I, merely waiting in line, had been neither unhappy nor angry, but what we all are in a long line, bored, a bit impatient, but now angrily yelled back at him for pointing out to a large crowd that there was something wrong about me, "It's my FACE, fool; not a thing I can do about it." Why do people feel free to comment on others' appearance as if it were the weather?
126
Why do people answer honestly? Try "I just had a death in the family. Have you ever lost someone you loved? Is that a good enough reason to be sad?" Or "How kind of you to be interested. Well, it looks as though the lump my doctor found two weeks ago is malignant and fast-growing, and I'm the main caretaker for my 96-year-old father, and I just don't know how I'll be able to manage my treatments and his care."
Be creative and shame these insensitive fools into re-thinking the belief that it's their place to comment on anyone's face or mood.
Be creative and shame these insensitive fools into re-thinking the belief that it's their place to comment on anyone's face or mood.
1
Good for you. It's my prerogative to not always have a smile plastered on my face, and frankly it would be weird if I did. Not only that, but "Smile, it can't be that bad" is obnoxiously presumptive. What if it actually *is* that bad? How can a person possibly know what a stranger is going through at any given moment?
1
Does not a person's face move thrugh a variety of expressions? Even when watching a comic I really like, I am aware that my facial expression can be "smooth" when listening then move into "smiling" and "laughing" as the comic line unfolds. This "thing" about women must be smiley is annoying. I had it in my face while I was growing up. Most times, all that "face" epresents is a person listening. Besides, I am sure most times I have a bit of food stuck in my teeth.
1
Uh, no one looks cheerful when resting and lost in thought.
3
I think it more than just the RBF phenomenon. The public can accept women who look serious much of the time. It is the actress's reputation, based on what her peers say about her, which, when accompanied by RBF, becomes toxic for her.
I don't keep up on all the Hollywood gossip, but even what little of it I read, I know that Kristen Stewart and January Jones have rumors swirling around them about being unpleasant people. In Ms. Stewart's case, it was having an obvious affair while being a relationship with a very popular male star, Robert Pattinson, which earned her a lot of enmity among young, female fans of his. Once such a cascade of negative publicity starts among fans in today's social media world, it is almost impossible to undo its effects.
2
My name is Me Not Frugal, and I have Resting B Face. It started with Cute Poker Face in early childhood -- a dark time of constant cheek pinches and "Can't you give me a little smile?" cajoling by strangers. It spiraled up into Insecure Adolescent Angry Face as puberty took hold, and was often misinterpreted by boys and teachers as Arrogance. By the time I reached adulthood and entered the work world, RBF was my go-to defense against unsolicited attention. "She'd be prettier if she smiled" was muttered often within my hearing. Yes, probably so, but why should I? To please you? Now, in middle age, I have the freedom to look as grumpy as I please. Aging has its benefits.
People who smile all the time freak me out. I can't help wondering what they are up to. And when the knife will appear.
People who smile all the time freak me out. I can't help wondering what they are up to. And when the knife will appear.
11
When I was younger, a woman whom I knew generally, and who was old enough to be my mother, said to me, "Smile!" I replied, truthfully, "I can't smile on cue."
The bottom line is smiling all the time is exhausting; and such constant exercise of the facial muscles can seldom be called genuine. One has to never let down one's facial muscle "guard", according to this article, to show you have a good personality. After reading this very interesting article, I will now assume that anyone who smiles more than 45% of the time is in reality a phony person whose personality is much more mere surface than substance. Why don't we back away from overanalyzing peoples' facial expressions and instead focus on what they have to express verbally.
46
And Phillip, most importantly, with our actions. Forget about the way we look or the things we say... it's what we DO in the end the greatest evidence of what is in our minds and hearts.
This is an extremely superficial society and sexist, I am blown away this too, is put on the shoulders of women whose already endure so much pressure, it is unfair.
I am a guy that often feels introspective, living in difficult times, with all sorts of fears and engrossed with so much, from rent to wars to discrimination to the killing of magnificent animals as sport! I can't possibly have a smile on my face all day long, and I don't!
Just that I am a guy, and that makes me look what? more desirable, mysterious, serious, sexy?
I definitely walk around many times with a RBF, then I stop and help the lady bring her baby stroller down the stairs in the First Avenue L train stop, and continue to run to work not to be late.
This is an extremely superficial society and sexist, I am blown away this too, is put on the shoulders of women whose already endure so much pressure, it is unfair.
I am a guy that often feels introspective, living in difficult times, with all sorts of fears and engrossed with so much, from rent to wars to discrimination to the killing of magnificent animals as sport! I can't possibly have a smile on my face all day long, and I don't!
Just that I am a guy, and that makes me look what? more desirable, mysterious, serious, sexy?
I definitely walk around many times with a RBF, then I stop and help the lady bring her baby stroller down the stairs in the First Avenue L train stop, and continue to run to work not to be late.
1
You got this one, 100%. I do not trust anyone who is constantly, manically smiling. When I was in high school my sister went off to college and pledged a sorority. During rush, the girls put Vaseline on their teeth to make not smiling, resting, so uncomfortable that they wouldn't do it.
A few years later when I went off to school I did not rush and did not pledge. Ever since learning of this Vaseline thing I've had a distaste for the whole process and especially for the people who submit to it.
A few years later when I went off to school I did not rush and did not pledge. Ever since learning of this Vaseline thing I've had a distaste for the whole process and especially for the people who submit to it.
1
I recently went to a dermatologist who tried to sell me some laser skin treatments. He took pictures that were to be the "before" shots. I was shocked to see how my mouth turns down in a frown when I'm relaxed, not sad or angry. I've noticed small children more wary of me than I remember in the past. This phenomenon is real, and not to be scoffed at, particularly for someone in a service job. Yet the plastic surgery "cat face" I see in wealthy women seems even worse! One more aspect of aging one must accept gracefully, dammit!
64
Susan, there are cosmetic techniques that can make you less "frowny" and nonthreatening, without giving you a "cat face." Talk to more than one dermatologist/plastic surgeon.
Yes, yes, yes, for women with a certain facial structure, this seems to happen as we get into our forties. For me to have a pleasant face, I have to smile and it actually is uncomfortable. It's much like trying to hold your stomach in all day. I too would have people come up to me and ask if I was o.k. It's not a problem for me anymore. Have I had work done on my face? Not at all. I am a senior now and I have simply become invisible. Still have to deal with looking photos taken of me :(
The way someone looks matters a lot in this world- whether you are a man or a woman. Looking at the comments, the so-called left wing politically correct hate it some argue the New York Times should not have printed it...in other words, they are arguing for censorship, which exposes their true nature and goals--people of little tolerance and demand others conform to their limited world view. I say the "so-called politically correct" because the so-called left or right wing "politically correct" are most often wrong in their opinion and analysis especially when dealing with topics, like in this article, that require a basic understanding of human nature, social intelligence and critical thinking - something the "politically correct" dogma cancels out. In short, I say to the majority here..get a life.
So pleased to find my compadres in this thread! RBF is very real. It can ruin your life and affect your self-esteem. It can be hell! I've since embraced my RBF deciding that it is a part of me, just as much as my long wiry smile. So now I smile to myself, put one step in front of the other and carry on with my happy day.
1
i have RM(b)F - resting male (bitch?) face - a fairly bad case, too.
i routinely notice other men who have this.
_ RMGF_ = resting male glum face.
as s'one here wrote: i've trained myself to straighten it up convincingly
( another case of women completely owning a topic, and then complaining, "oh, we women are the only ones who own this topic . . " ? ?)
i routinely notice other men who have this.
_ RMGF_ = resting male glum face.
as s'one here wrote: i've trained myself to straighten it up convincingly
( another case of women completely owning a topic, and then complaining, "oh, we women are the only ones who own this topic . . " ? ?)
1
Kristen Stewart is the most gorgeous woman on earth; she seems almost never to smile, she always looks like that and I love it.
1
So females have been reduced to all smiling idiots. Terrific.
Only the insane/crazy or really weird (stoned?) people or professional TV news broadcasters smile constantly. I don't trust people who smile all of the time, it's creepy or suspicious. We used to ask our friends who were all smiley, ''What are you on? Happy pills?'' Women are often suggested to take 'happy pills' according to the drug ads on TV and our mostly male doctors.
Men with an omnipresent smile make you wonder if they're about to play you, think used car salesmen, con artist, sly thief or a lech.
Only the insane/crazy or really weird (stoned?) people or professional TV news broadcasters smile constantly. I don't trust people who smile all of the time, it's creepy or suspicious. We used to ask our friends who were all smiley, ''What are you on? Happy pills?'' Women are often suggested to take 'happy pills' according to the drug ads on TV and our mostly male doctors.
Men with an omnipresent smile make you wonder if they're about to play you, think used car salesmen, con artist, sly thief or a lech.
4
Interesting. As a male, I find all the women (and their faces) attractive as they are pictured in the article. Rather than "Bitchy Face" I would have surmised mysterious woman or serious woman or thinking woman, all of which I find quite attractive. I would rather feel that I've earned her smile than have it showered on me all the time.
I find it hard to believe that the referenced SATIRICAL YouTube video was taken seriously by anyone. I find it harder to believe that it was taken so seriously as to end up the subject of a NY Times article.
Finally, I hope young women (and men) can find peace in their lives despite the fashion world's throwing this kind of tripe at them all the time and demanding that they try to be someone they are not.
I find it hard to believe that the referenced SATIRICAL YouTube video was taken seriously by anyone. I find it harder to believe that it was taken so seriously as to end up the subject of a NY Times article.
Finally, I hope young women (and men) can find peace in their lives despite the fashion world's throwing this kind of tripe at them all the time and demanding that they try to be someone they are not.
2
My mouth has a natural downward turn at the corners, and I note that most of the women in these pictures share that characteristic. Since elementary school, I've been asked "what's wrong?" and advised to "cheer up!" I've even been told "You're so much prettier when you smile." If there is one thing that makes a person feel less like smiling . . .
RBF: I Was Born this Way.
RBF: I Was Born this Way.
3
A great thing about America (and the Western world for that matter) is that this kind of article/writer can make the NYT. This and the Kardashians make this a great/ free country!
2
Yes....as a sad little child I would confide in my mother, whose stock answer was "just smile dear". Apparently there's some scientific evidence that the act of smiling lights up certain neurotransmitters in the brain that elevate mood, but I'm sure she wasn't aware of that. However, I did cultivate a certain expression to wear in the streets of NYC...if you pull up all the muscles that surround the edge of your face (yes, even your ears will lift) you can get a sort of Mona Lisa look that forestalls the inevitable "hey girl, give me a smile".
20
I don't buy into this concept in the least. For those who take this seriously there is a clear solution - spend time with people who judge you on what you say and do, not based on a snap judgment of your appearance. I'm also dismayed that a Smith faculty member would give this any credence or attention.
3
What I really love about the photos in the essay - the unsmiling pensive shots - is that all the women look thoughtful, and different from each other.
I often cannot tell who the celebrity is: a stylist has done hair, make-up and clothes to suit the current fashion. The photographer finds an angle that makes the person look like the cutout. the woman plasters on the "I'm being photographed smile." Voila.! Plastic cut-outs.
These women look like *people* not Hollywood product. Fight for the RBF, ladies. It makes you look like real people.
I often cannot tell who the celebrity is: a stylist has done hair, make-up and clothes to suit the current fashion. The photographer finds an angle that makes the person look like the cutout. the woman plasters on the "I'm being photographed smile." Voila.! Plastic cut-outs.
These women look like *people* not Hollywood product. Fight for the RBF, ladies. It makes you look like real people.
4
I'm sure it's just me, but I always assume this expression is one of irritation that the Oprah dissemination of the Promise that a positive mental attitude is all we need to have it all actually doesn't work as advertised.
Or I just get paranoid and think she finds me repulsive, so she's frowning in revulsion at my existence too proximate to her boundaries for comfort.
Or I just get paranoid and think she finds me repulsive, so she's frowning in revulsion at my existence too proximate to her boundaries for comfort.
2
Ridiculous article. Last thing a women in thought needs is to be aware of is another acronym proliferating nonsense. Surely there are better things to write about.
4
Take heart, FF, it's not an acronym. To be an acronym, it would have to be pronounceable like a word.
To Miriam at Pedants' Corner:
To quote the final line of FF's comment: "Surely there are better things to write about."
To quote the final line of FF's comment: "Surely there are better things to write about."
As a gay man working all of my adult life in female-dominated industries, I have routinely been told, by female superiors, that I look or seem unhappy and must smile. In fact, the message, subtle or not, has been and continues to be that my very livelihood depends upon it. It often has seemed that gay men are taken even less seriously than women, if that is at all possible, and that we must appear as non-threatening as possible if we are to be allowed, yes, allowed to make a living.
3
Why do we still have to hear this stuff? What a nauseating article, but in a very familiar pattern. You start by telling us that it's the trend to call any woman with a serious expression a bitch and then ending up with the faintly jokey suggestion that, "Wow, isn't odd that this only happens to women?" This gets really tired, but it never stops!
1
What's nauseating is the expectation of a perpetual smile.
There's a reason men are not told to smile. I'm speaking of white American men; I will only speak from my own perspective...we are very defensive and prone to violent emotional or physical outbursts when challenged. It is not safe to ask the average American white male with RBF to smile. We think that a) rules of proper conduct don't apply to us, and b) others should act however we prefer.
1
I liked the expressions of the women featured. They look serious and like they would be good actresses, which they are.
So along with labels such as nympho, slut, cougar, harridan, shrew and hag, we now have RBF? Give it a rest already and leave women alone.
So along with labels such as nympho, slut, cougar, harridan, shrew and hag, we now have RBF? Give it a rest already and leave women alone.
3
I can think of one feline who must sympathize, Tardar Sauce, aka Grumpy Cat!!
1
Why does this seem to get written "Bitchy Resting Face" but is referred to as "RBF?" Asking for a friend.
2
"Resting Bitch Face" (which I prefer because it suggests that the woman actually is a bitch (for failing to smile for the pleasure of men, I suppose), which would be hilarious if it weren't so offensive.
The earlier phrase was Bitchy Resting Face but the current parlance is Resting Bitch Face. A much catchier choice, if I may.
It's not just for the pleasure of men. As I've already noted on this thread, women often demand smiles from each other.
When I was a kid, I often said to my mom, "Mom, why are you mad?" She didn't realize she had her RBF on.
Although I wish my parents had coached me to smile more and—above all—make eye contact, I don't find myself prone to trust people who smile all the time.
Taking random selfies recently, I've noticed I frown quite a lot. However, I've seen in other people that random grinning—particularly in a staff meeting!—can make them seem demented. There are no easy answers; I think we have to adjust the expectations of the viewer as much as the presentation of the viewee.
Although I wish my parents had coached me to smile more and—above all—make eye contact, I don't find myself prone to trust people who smile all the time.
Taking random selfies recently, I've noticed I frown quite a lot. However, I've seen in other people that random grinning—particularly in a staff meeting!—can make them seem demented. There are no easy answers; I think we have to adjust the expectations of the viewer as much as the presentation of the viewee.
8
A young woman working in a convenience store approached me and we started a conversation about her life. She was depressed because of a heart break and not ready to date for awhile.
Walking in the streets of New York made her uncomfortable and her expression was sullen. At her age, I felt that it was wise to avoid direct eye contact when walking among strangers, and I once was approached when young by a man my age, who thought I had been staring at him.
Many of us are uncomfortable at a staff meeting, and not only did I not smile, but would break out into nervous splotches. I liked what you said about essentially staying in conformity with one's nature, although a new habit here is to smile when addressing someone on the phone. For some reason, it reflects in one's voice.
Walking in the streets of New York made her uncomfortable and her expression was sullen. At her age, I felt that it was wise to avoid direct eye contact when walking among strangers, and I once was approached when young by a man my age, who thought I had been staring at him.
Many of us are uncomfortable at a staff meeting, and not only did I not smile, but would break out into nervous splotches. I liked what you said about essentially staying in conformity with one's nature, although a new habit here is to smile when addressing someone on the phone. For some reason, it reflects in one's voice.
I hear you, Frank Language. Once when I got some sweaters back from the cleaner, stretched out of shape and reeking of cleaning fluid, I took them back to the store to complain. The woman in the store added insult to injury by smiling broadly the whole time. I wanted to tell her to wipe that grin off her face. She seemed not to take me seriously.
There is an easy answer. Stop telling others what expression to wear.
2
I'm old enough to remember second wave feminism. Judging from this article it is dead.
18
I was literally fired from my first job because ''You never smile'', I was working at guess services and my clients used to love me since the first words were crossed, but my bitchy boss never understood you don't have to be the joker 24/7 to be a nice person.
7
In fact, you can be nicer without that Joker face.
I used to hear that smile crap all the time when I was younger and worked in bars. Now my husband will walk in and say what's wrong and I am not mad about anything. Least now I have a name for it, thank goodness.
4
But if you happen to be a high fashion model, you have to look angry all the time. Has anyone ever seen a high fashion model who had a pleasant expression on her face? On the other hand, maybe they look this way because the clothes they're modeling are so perfectly dreadful.
11
I thought I was the only one. People have been telling me since high school that I looked sad.
8
This has got to be the ultimate double standard. Men can just look serious, but for women it's called a Resting Bitch Face? I'm dismayed.
15
I don't get it. None of these women look upset to me.
8
David Sanders
There is a wonderful I.Q. test in the NYT's health section on whether you are good at interpreting people's emotions. It gives you a score, and you can try it again.
My women friends did better than the men, who usually come dashing back with the results of their regular brain I.Q. causing a smile on my part.
There is a wonderful I.Q. test in the NYT's health section on whether you are good at interpreting people's emotions. It gives you a score, and you can try it again.
My women friends did better than the men, who usually come dashing back with the results of their regular brain I.Q. causing a smile on my part.
Maybe they idolized Mr. Spock's character in furtherance of concealing their cannabis intake in places they'd rather not be.
So, Jones, the absence of a smile must reflect some contrived situation.
I don't trust anyone, man or woman, who smiles for more than maybe 30 or 40 seconds per normal work day. Of course, if you are going to a comedy club or out yukking it up with friends, we can all let our guard down and smile a bit more. But to think that women are judged for RBF, what in the hell is wrong with our world?
11
The sad part is many quasi experts try to explain genetics and evolution. If you look at the actresses' eyebrows, the stylized eyebrow look added with the natural mouth expression causes the RBF. If women let their eyebrows grow, RBF wouldn't be so evident.
I wonder how many of the people asking strangers if everything is OK are actually prepared to sit down and listen to why it might not be. I'm thinking 2 or 3 percent, max.
Sometimes people are just thinking, and being interrupted, especially by a stranger, and especially by someone who doesn't actually want to help, is exactly what people DON'T need.
Sometimes people are just thinking, and being interrupted, especially by a stranger, and especially by someone who doesn't actually want to help, is exactly what people DON'T need.
20
When being interrupted, and asked if 'everything is okay', nearly always puts one on the defensive. How we communicate are in the delivery and tone of our words.
Years ago, my friend and colleague at the office returned from a vacation in a huff. It was the only time that I got angry, and we went the whole day in a tiny space, without speaking, the phones ringing, and somehow we managed.
I knew this 'cold war' would continue, and the following day instead of telling her 'we needed to talk', I asked if she would be 'happier with another colleague'. She look very surprised, we didn't go into details, and that was the first and last time this happened in nearly two decades.
Years ago, my friend and colleague at the office returned from a vacation in a huff. It was the only time that I got angry, and we went the whole day in a tiny space, without speaking, the phones ringing, and somehow we managed.
I knew this 'cold war' would continue, and the following day instead of telling her 'we needed to talk', I asked if she would be 'happier with another colleague'. She look very surprised, we didn't go into details, and that was the first and last time this happened in nearly two decades.
This whole duscussion IS sexist, agesit, and and USA-o-centric. French women do not spend a lot of time smiling to look prettier, happier. The women shown are beautiful, successful, powerful. Vive la RBF.
9
I think it is a misconception to call any difference between men and women sexist. Contrary to today's Western ideology, there are major differences between men and women and women are not necessarily disadvantaged!. For instance, women at work enjoy an incredible level of freedom when it's time to choose what to wear. Men can choose the color of their ties. Women may even dress like a man if they please. Who would call this sexist? Men and women are just not the same and society's expectations reflect that. It is not necessarily sexist.
Francois - this article is sexist because it is amplifying a sexist label which infers that a woman with a serious look is unattractive. I hope you can see the obvious problem here. And pointing out that women have advantages over men - for example, more options in clothing - is extremely naive. Men don't get "fancy" anymore, because then they aren't taken seriously, which is what is expected of them in our current social climate. And if a woman dresses too modestly on a consistent basis, we all know what we would think of her. It's sad for both sexes. Janeathan has my favorite response so far. Vive la RBF!!! Women are not going to be beautiful in every picture ever taken of them, and thank god. We have more to think about than whether we are smiling all the time.
As a woman, I have encountered the opposite reaction than many of the commentators who have been repeatedly asked to smile: I have been told that I smile too much, interestingly, by women. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
7
We humans are constantly gauging each other's emotional temperature by our speech, body language and facial expressions. Women are especially adept at recognizing, and attuned to the nuances of, changes in such expression. (The author of this article analyzes her own expression on TV quite accurately. "I looked simultaneously bored, mad and skeptical. I was basically saying to the newscaster: Die.") Children are also sensitive to the expressions of their parents. If a woman is often unsmiling when around her kids, even if it's because she's pensive and cogitating, her children may perceive her as cold and uninterested in them. Studies have shown that children's development is affected by mothers who are depressed, anxious, or ruminating. Of course, no one is expected to smile all the time, least of all if she has no reason to feel happy or optimistic. But a woman who feels genuine empathy and interest in others - whether partner, child, friend, associate, client, or stranger - will want that interest to be recognized and appreciated. Women who smile are not just answering to the dictates of the media or the "patriarchy." If "the male gaze" were the reason for women's smiles, why is it that those highly prized female specimens - runway models - have perfected the art of scowling, projecting aloofness, and gazing vapidly into the distance? And BTW, who invented the term, RBF? I would lay money on that it was a woman.
About 6 years ago I was actively dating many women and having a lot of fun. Most of the women I met I only dated once. Then I met a woman with a serious case of RBF. Despite her striking natural beauty, I remember driving away from that date saying to myself "OMG, there is no way, next!" and what's her story?" And despite that initial self-talk I called her again for another date and then for a 3rd, 4th and 5th dates. Each time I met her, the more excited I got about meeting her again. My children were shocked the first time they met her and her signature RBF, especially my daughter who asked me, "Really Dad?" I told them to get to know her, and talk to her. Her RBF compelled me to learn more about her and what I found was a gem--incredibly kind, thoughtful and smart woman. My children also found the same. Wisdom learned: Never, ever, ever judge a book by its cover.
3
Perhaps the women pictured really are angry, depressed, worried. Even at a height of their success and fame, they have issues with producers, agents, directors, co-stars--not to mention the press, mates, children and money.
Add in: world hunger, wars, disease, climate change--yes "stars" do think about these things, and having a smile on your face might happen for three minutes, every other day, if your are lucky. But if you are paid for your smile, then there is that bargain with the devil you have made, not judging, just stating.
We all have the right to our frowns. No one need be "on" 24/7.
Add in: world hunger, wars, disease, climate change--yes "stars" do think about these things, and having a smile on your face might happen for three minutes, every other day, if your are lucky. But if you are paid for your smile, then there is that bargain with the devil you have made, not judging, just stating.
We all have the right to our frowns. No one need be "on" 24/7.
4
There is a lesser known work by Leonardo da Vinci of a woman in adolescence, looking the portrait of sullenness, which makes me reflect at what she is thinking. In praise of modern progress, I searched for her on the web, and she was an Italian heiress, the daughter of a merchant from Venice, engaged to be married at sixteen.
So much for 'Sweet Sixteen' one might add, and a carpenter on the premises the other day, pointed his finger briefly at the framed print on a table and laughed. I decided not to ask, a shame in retrospect, but it reminded me that she was unhappy and depressed, not moody or unkind, but perhaps suffering the angst of the young.
A summer long ago where at that age I felt bereft and lost in a crowd of adults, who were leading complicated, even dangerous lives, 'Smile', 'Talk' was a constant refrain, and it was about that time I decided that it was going to be the solitary life that suited me best. My parents thought I had an 'attitude' problem and it never occurred to them that I might be depressed.
It is only the very young, babies, or the elderly who can smile with conviction and in a real way, wrote a British author of the young, who can laugh but their features are slightly distorted when they smile.
At my age, with a slight look of the Mona Lisa, I have been asked about my smile. It appeared one day out of the blue, and no matter what or when, I seldom let it go, whether alone at night, or in public because it keeps me merry, and not sad.
So much for 'Sweet Sixteen' one might add, and a carpenter on the premises the other day, pointed his finger briefly at the framed print on a table and laughed. I decided not to ask, a shame in retrospect, but it reminded me that she was unhappy and depressed, not moody or unkind, but perhaps suffering the angst of the young.
A summer long ago where at that age I felt bereft and lost in a crowd of adults, who were leading complicated, even dangerous lives, 'Smile', 'Talk' was a constant refrain, and it was about that time I decided that it was going to be the solitary life that suited me best. My parents thought I had an 'attitude' problem and it never occurred to them that I might be depressed.
It is only the very young, babies, or the elderly who can smile with conviction and in a real way, wrote a British author of the young, who can laugh but their features are slightly distorted when they smile.
At my age, with a slight look of the Mona Lisa, I have been asked about my smile. It appeared one day out of the blue, and no matter what or when, I seldom let it go, whether alone at night, or in public because it keeps me merry, and not sad.
Most people spend far too much time worrying about what other people think of them. In my entire life, no one has ever asked me whether it is ok with me for them to be the way they are; so why in heaven's name should I spend my precious time wanting other people to be ok with me the way I am? It's a social disease!
2
It isn't women who don't smile 24/7 who are regarded in a negative way, it is women who always look like, well, Kristen Stewart. I know nothing about her but my unfair judgment causes me to think that she is always angry, egotistical, unpleasant, and feels superior than anyone around her. This, despite being nothing more than an ordinary entertainer who is pretty unimportant in the long run. I'm sure she, and her ilk, are very nice people but they are so off-putting to me that I would never go to see any of her, their movies. Let them live off of someone else's dime.
2
Americans' belief that people must smile to show they are nice and happy is culturally specific. One reason that Americans perceive French people to be rude is that the French don't believe in the need to smile, especially in a customer service setting. One Russian I knew felt it was alienating to have to smile all the time in the US.
5
When I was a kid there was this nun at my parents' church who would always interrupt me while I was talking and say, "You would look so pretty if you smiled." Of course someone telling me to smile always made me feel much, much worse than I did before. Most of the time when she said it to me I actually wasn't in a bad mood so I must have had RBF. What would really crush me was when I was with my mom and instead of standing up for me she would join in and agree with the nun. Also, imagine that - a child who wasn't so psyched to be at church!
Finally when I was a teenager I had enough of this woman (and the Catholic Church in general). I was at the church talking to another woman about a problem and the nun (who I wasn't talking to) interrupted me while I was mid-sentence and said, "You know, you'd look so much prettier if you smiled." I turned to the nun, glared at her for a couple of seconds and said, "I'm discussing a problem here right now so smiling is not an appropriate expression to have, now is it?" She took a step back and said, "Well, I guess not then."
It felt so good to say that to her! My only regret is never asking he if she said that to boys too, but I think I know the answer to that.
Finally when I was a teenager I had enough of this woman (and the Catholic Church in general). I was at the church talking to another woman about a problem and the nun (who I wasn't talking to) interrupted me while I was mid-sentence and said, "You know, you'd look so much prettier if you smiled." I turned to the nun, glared at her for a couple of seconds and said, "I'm discussing a problem here right now so smiling is not an appropriate expression to have, now is it?" She took a step back and said, "Well, I guess not then."
It felt so good to say that to her! My only regret is never asking he if she said that to boys too, but I think I know the answer to that.
5
I am sorry but this is not a gender specific issue. Why the feminist insistence that for men its not a problem?
I have a resting look of anger/intimidation, that is exacerbated by a broken nose. Its common for people to assume I am angry, and common for people to make assumptions about me that are not real. Often in stores I am apologized to as people pass me in the aisle- as though I was offended. I try to hug the other side of the aisle to give as much room as possible now- but I still get comments of "sorry." its annoying- and most certainly affects me negatively in life. If I try and smile more- I feel as though I am acting fake.
I have a resting look of anger/intimidation, that is exacerbated by a broken nose. Its common for people to assume I am angry, and common for people to make assumptions about me that are not real. Often in stores I am apologized to as people pass me in the aisle- as though I was offended. I try to hug the other side of the aisle to give as much room as possible now- but I still get comments of "sorry." its annoying- and most certainly affects me negatively in life. If I try and smile more- I feel as though I am acting fake.
3
"The world is a looking glass." Bozos with permanent frowns will get scowls back. And women scowling are just trying to look like dumb men who scowl all the time--a fake toughness, that unfortunately, can become self-fulfilling as these bozos slowly become sad people.
You have missed the point of the article entirely.
1
PJM
If we were all one big happy party, we might be robots and a laugh-a-minute.
If we were all one big happy party, we might be robots and a laugh-a-minute.
1
Those pictures don't really demonstrate bitchy resting face. I can look downright angry when I'm thinking, even though in a lot of ways I'm very happy when puzzling over some material.
3
There is something so hideous about this. Look at the photos of past Presidents. In the past, these men didn't grin like idiots in their photos. Now men and women are required to smile to "prove" that they care, that they are available for anyone to project their desires upon their bland, toothy smiles. Is our culture all surface and absolutely NO depth now? To this we've come. Makes me so sad, so sick.
11
Our company was in two buildings. I was walking from one to another lost in thought about a project or piece of writing I had to when the head our PR firm approached and said, "Smile." I was totally taken aback. Why should I be expected to smile? What wasn't I allowed to have the face I had in what I thought was private? Probably one reason I was never a raging success but I still bristle when someone interrupts my train of thought with "Smile." Women can't women for losing.
10
RBF manifests itself, by both sexes, in Australia as ANL....
Aggressive Non Looking. A technique employed particularly
in upmarket suburbs where the wearer wishes to deter
fellow citizen from making any eye contact that might
entail the wearying engagement of smile muscles.
Muscles only to be employed to citizens they deem
worthy of reciprocity. Which when engaged are invariably
accompanied by open mouth gushing of
of those deemed to just below their percieved pecking order.
Aggressive Non Looking. A technique employed particularly
in upmarket suburbs where the wearer wishes to deter
fellow citizen from making any eye contact that might
entail the wearying engagement of smile muscles.
Muscles only to be employed to citizens they deem
worthy of reciprocity. Which when engaged are invariably
accompanied by open mouth gushing of
of those deemed to just below their percieved pecking order.
1
Many of our smiles are an American nervous twitch. If someone or something makes you smile, great, that's real. The women pictured above with faces at rest look real and beautiful. The universal smile is an overused cliché, and probably an artifact of the last hundred years of movies and television. Let's be real.
7
Also, a lot of people commented on the experience of being told to smile even if they aren't feeling happy. However, I developed a bitchy resting face to hide my happiness. This was in New York, where looking happy brought various adverse consequences upon me.
Unfortunately, walking around with a scowl on your face really does affect your mood, and I became an actual grouch.
Regardless, I like myself better the way I am now. It's liberating to not always have to smile. It gives you a lot more time to think. Try it- you can't fully think while grinning. Someone needs to do a study for the Journal of Obvious Results so I can reference it to support my point.
Unfortunately, walking around with a scowl on your face really does affect your mood, and I became an actual grouch.
Regardless, I like myself better the way I am now. It's liberating to not always have to smile. It gives you a lot more time to think. Try it- you can't fully think while grinning. Someone needs to do a study for the Journal of Obvious Results so I can reference it to support my point.
3
The standard of acceptable public face for women aims for something resembling an advertising billboard of the gorgeous model, posed. Every woman is encouraged by the culture to aim for this standard. Men certainly internalize it as they - probably mostly - innocently ask if we're "okay" or suggest we smile. It's part of the women as objects problem that is still with us. Here we are, with women in every field, as presidents of corporations and countries, and yet we walk the streets practically undressed with faces made up and feet squeezed into high heels. And we're told this is an expression of our freedom and power! Does anyone really believe that? Aren't we still conforming and competing on the basis of beauty?
9
I don't understand any of this. The faces in the article just look like normal expressions to me.
27
If I cared less, it'd be because I was dead. I pray it's the same way most women feel. The last thing they need is another magnificently stupid reason to go under the knife, and end up with a fish mouth.
29
Now I'm truly smiling! Your comment should have been a NYT Pick.
Fish mouth indeed.
Thanks for the belly laugh, Brian.
Fish mouth indeed.
Thanks for the belly laugh, Brian.
2
And obviously no one ever tells you to "Smile! It can't be that bad." when all you're doing is walking down the sidewalk.
1
And the men?
7
I used to get strangers - always men - coming up to me in the street saying "Smile, honey!" It infuriated me. What presumption! One day, I turned on one of these jerks and said, truthfully "My best friend died of cancer yesterday. Why should I smile?" At least he had the grace to look abashed. Thankfully, as I've gotten older, this presumption has ceased.
33
The media is always coming up with something new to make you question yourself or think something's wrong with yourself. Just be natural. Don't worry about stupid things and you'll be fine...and happier.
9
I may be the oldest (female) commenter on this article. I am appalled, complete;y appalled, that this is still an issue. When I was in college, yes, all the time. "Why don't you smile?" (And if you were smiling, men would say, "Hi, Smiley." A woman was reduced to a smile - plus maybe a few body parts.) I thought that had disappeared with the women's movement (1970s version), when men claimed to be intimidated by us. It's back? Maybe it is time for women to be more intimidating again.
In the Philippines, where I live, women always smile, and THEY ask me, "Why aren't you smiling?" I usually answer, "At what?"
In the Philippines, where I live, women always smile, and THEY ask me, "Why aren't you smiling?" I usually answer, "At what?"
25
What is their answer?
@Miriam. They don't answer. It has never occurred to them not to smile. (I am a foreigner, and they just think I'm weird. But thanks for asking.)
Since you bring it up, one of my interlocutors was 30-something and had had a child at age fifteen. She was now a file clerk, and unhappy about it. (She was working for lawyers, at tasks she felt they could do themselves. She was right, of course, but she freed up their time so that they could practice law, which she could not. Somehow, she didn't grasp this.) It was all I could do to keep from saying, "Maybe if you didn't smile so much you wouldn't have had a baby at fifteen, and then you could have finished your education, and you wouldn't be a file clerk ..;"
Since you bring it up, one of my interlocutors was 30-something and had had a child at age fifteen. She was now a file clerk, and unhappy about it. (She was working for lawyers, at tasks she felt they could do themselves. She was right, of course, but she freed up their time so that they could practice law, which she could not. Somehow, she didn't grasp this.) It was all I could do to keep from saying, "Maybe if you didn't smile so much you wouldn't have had a baby at fifteen, and then you could have finished your education, and you wouldn't be a file clerk ..;"
"It doesn’t make me feel like I’m unhappy, un-fun or unpleasant,” said Noelle Wyman, 19, a junior at Columbia. “My RBF makes me feel serious, pensive and reserved, like someone who only engages those who deserve it.”"
This 19 year old is doing it deliberately, just as Ms Beckham has said she does it on purpose as well to look fashionable. So let's not mix up the deliberate for which RBF is actually a goal, with the demands on women to smile. It aint the same.
This 19 year old is doing it deliberately, just as Ms Beckham has said she does it on purpose as well to look fashionable. So let's not mix up the deliberate for which RBF is actually a goal, with the demands on women to smile. It aint the same.
4
When I was a teenager, I applied for a receptionist job and was asked if I "smile when I answer the phone." Puzzled, I said I didn't know. Apparently RBF is not just visual but can be sensed through phone lines (well, they were lines in my teenage days). Needless to say, I did not get the job.
4
In Kim Kardashian's case, it's known as CVF....Constant Vacant Face.
...couldn't help myself. *snicker*
But, seriously, this phenomenon of RBF is SO silly. Just stop, media.
...couldn't help myself. *snicker*
But, seriously, this phenomenon of RBF is SO silly. Just stop, media.
11
OK, Ms. Bennett, I looked and I don't find your face terrifying. You look like a woman who won't put up with crap, but also like a woman who might break into a smile if the wisecrack was sophisticated enough. You look smart. You look like someone I might enjoy talking to, and would certainly listen to.
My 18-year-old daughter and her friends Snapchat and Instagram all the time, and it's considered bad manners to send a photo of yourself looking pretty (unless you're specifically seeking fashion and style input). They have a practiced set of facial emoticons, none of which is meant to be self-flattering, to express puzzlement, irritation, boredom, outrage, disgust, and ugly absurdity. Trying and wanting to look pretty in a snapshot is a sign of age, I must inform you; not caring is the youthful approach.
My 18-year-old daughter and her friends Snapchat and Instagram all the time, and it's considered bad manners to send a photo of yourself looking pretty (unless you're specifically seeking fashion and style input). They have a practiced set of facial emoticons, none of which is meant to be self-flattering, to express puzzlement, irritation, boredom, outrage, disgust, and ugly absurdity. Trying and wanting to look pretty in a snapshot is a sign of age, I must inform you; not caring is the youthful approach.
16
I don't like the word RBF as the "B" can infer that the person is mean or mean spirited. Honestly that is wrong since in many ways the RBF is really a means of protection - smiles are reserved for people we care for or maybe a hallmark commercial. I was born with very heavy arched eyebrows and a small tight mouth - so RBF is just a default facial expression. As a former resident of NYC the RBF was a necessity and can sometimes ward off unwanted attention. I prefer the term "perma-scowl" as in a woman who has a permanent scowl on her face. When I was living in NYC I thought well this how it has to be lest you want to be on the 11' o'clock news. I had to give up the perms-scowl when my Mother commented to me one day "Is there something wrong you look like someone spat on your shoes, insulted the family, and called you stupid in one breath - for God's sake smile! - you look scary - you are scaring me! ". That's was my aha moment when I put the perma-scowl away!. Good riddance perma-scowl!.
1
Note to the writer: a plastic surgeon explaining why frowns need "fixing" is not science.
14
You know what? This is what an expression-neutral face looks like, female or male. When someone plasters an ever-present smile on their face, they look FAKE, not pretty, or whatever else it is they're supposed to look.
And any man who tells a woman with a neutral look on her face to "smile" is, frankly, an idiot.
But what is nearly as distressing is that the female author of this piece, and every woman quoted therein seem to buy into this silliness, fully - oppressing themselves, as well! What sense does that make? I know it's not meant to be taken so seriously, but, come on.
And any man who tells a woman with a neutral look on her face to "smile" is, frankly, an idiot.
But what is nearly as distressing is that the female author of this piece, and every woman quoted therein seem to buy into this silliness, fully - oppressing themselves, as well! What sense does that make? I know it's not meant to be taken so seriously, but, come on.
10
michaelant
If a woman is attractive and young, it is not uncommon for a stranger, a man in the street, an idiot or an admirer, to walk by her and tell her to 'smile'. What is the meaning of this annoying question, I will leave up to others to determine.
Regardless of age or gender, there are times where one might feel that one is navigating a rough passage, and while the expression 'let a smile, be your umbrella' is a dry lemon, it takes courage to smile in the face of adversity and can give one some hope.
If a woman is attractive and young, it is not uncommon for a stranger, a man in the street, an idiot or an admirer, to walk by her and tell her to 'smile'. What is the meaning of this annoying question, I will leave up to others to determine.
Regardless of age or gender, there are times where one might feel that one is navigating a rough passage, and while the expression 'let a smile, be your umbrella' is a dry lemon, it takes courage to smile in the face of adversity and can give one some hope.
The only appropriate retort to a male stranger telling a woman to smile is "Mind your own business, a-hole!"
Repeated often enough, the nonsensical "Smile!" directive will go away.
Repeated often enough, the nonsensical "Smile!" directive will go away.
28
When I was young, the remark from male strangers was, "How come you're not smiling?"
Well? Resting b***h face is a known condition affecting many today.
Who are these rude people who tell others to smile? Might as well tell them to jump while they're at it.
8
this is absolute nonsense.
I will raise my two young daughters to have the worst RBF..
I will also raise them to successful, humbled, and kind..
I will raise my two young daughters to have the worst RBF..
I will also raise them to successful, humbled, and kind..
6
Queen Elizabeth I, (and II), Golda Mair, Georgia O'Keeffe, Angela Merkel, Ethyl Barrymore, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, on and on...Faces that are glorious in their age and wisdom and talent and influence.
Yet, we in the US exclaim the [doesn't she look] great-ness of women who have millions to spend on surgery. What is great about artificiality? Is that your contribution to society, that you can pay to have your body stretched, suctioned, injected, lifted, and filled?
Yet, we in the US exclaim the [doesn't she look] great-ness of women who have millions to spend on surgery. What is great about artificiality? Is that your contribution to society, that you can pay to have your body stretched, suctioned, injected, lifted, and filled?
15
Just when I thought women couldn't get any more insecure this comes along.
5
So it is true. It's a man's world. The overwhelming majority of men do not have to worry about our faces. I see mine every couple of days when I shave. It's not a pretty sight, but it is what it is.
8
When discussing women in general the other day, a younger man told me that I always smile, and just as I was about to smile, he added that he found me eccentric. Women, when reading a romantic story, usually like the beast, who is about to sweep beauty off her fee, to be moody, difficult, and on the edge of a sullen temper tantrum. Sending a smile to your unshaven face.
If we can't make an intelligent guess about a person's mood or attitude from his/her facial expression, we might as well be blind. But the name we attach to an expression need not be insulting; "scowl" is a perfectly good description.
4
How about just accepting that you do not know and never will know what other people feel?
Even if they tell you you only know what they said you do not know for a fact that it is what they feel or are thinking. This knowledge is the basic essence necessary for civil human interaction.
Even if they tell you you only know what they said you do not know for a fact that it is what they feel or are thinking. This knowledge is the basic essence necessary for civil human interaction.
11
A resting or thoughtful facial expression is not a scowl. That's the point of this article.
If you consider a resting expression and a scowl to be the same, then explain why.
If you consider a resting expression and a scowl to be the same, then explain why.
"...began taking pictures of her face so she could try to look more cheerful. “I have since trained myself on what my face feels like,” she said."
This topic is so relatable, but somehow this line made me especially sad. Then angry. There are constant reminders that we must always be aware of our appearance. We're not even acceptable at rest, but must be "on" at all times or be chastised by strangers who feel entitled to tell us we're not pleasing to them. No wonder I only feel completely relaxed when I'm alone and not expected to be anything.
This topic is so relatable, but somehow this line made me especially sad. Then angry. There are constant reminders that we must always be aware of our appearance. We're not even acceptable at rest, but must be "on" at all times or be chastised by strangers who feel entitled to tell us we're not pleasing to them. No wonder I only feel completely relaxed when I'm alone and not expected to be anything.
26
A smile is a signal. It says I want to please. I welcome you, whoever you are. I am not a dominant creature, but attuned to you.
This is why it is much more expected of women than of men. I've noticed among men the tendency to automatically expect that of women, as well as a tendency to judge (and remark on) other characteristics (body shape, for example) of women, even women who are merely entering a restaurant or walking by. And I'm sure that women are more or less trained to accommodate this as part of their experiences of life. But I find it disturbing, actually, and don't like that my daughters may feel (or be) pressed to play along with it. I think it may be part of what keeps women from being taken seriously. Consider those words: "taken seriously".
This is why it is much more expected of women than of men. I've noticed among men the tendency to automatically expect that of women, as well as a tendency to judge (and remark on) other characteristics (body shape, for example) of women, even women who are merely entering a restaurant or walking by. And I'm sure that women are more or less trained to accommodate this as part of their experiences of life. But I find it disturbing, actually, and don't like that my daughters may feel (or be) pressed to play along with it. I think it may be part of what keeps women from being taken seriously. Consider those words: "taken seriously".
31
A couple of weeks ago the NYT had an article about women shaving their faces. One woman complained that when she goes to children's sports events she can see the peach fuzz glowing in the sunlight on other mom's and it bothered her. "If they only knew!" she whined. So now we have an article about women who can't be comfortable with their natural expression, some even having plastic surgery so they look happy even while taking an algebra test. Since society doesn't like women's faces if they have peach fuzz or look serious, how about we all give up and wear masks? It seems like nobody will be happy until we're walking around with those huge masks Greek Thespians used to wear. Is anything normal about women's faces considered attractive anymore?
29
I want to move to Europe where this has never remotely been an issue.
And yes, you doubters, it is real in America.
And yes, you doubters, it is real in America.
20
Men ask women to smile everywhere.
Having this condition in CA has been hard. I am glad people are talking about it and realizing it's not them it's me. I have a handicap that has made it hard to get dates, friends, and support at work. Help!!!
5
Articles like this make me glad I am getting on in years.
9
I will not control my face. Period. Take it or leave it as is !!
16
Such baloney: both the article's subject and the ethos behind it!
9
So why can't a woman's "resting" face look angry, bored, or unhappy? Sometimes it probably IS a reflection of anger, boredom, or unhappiness!
11
The point you miss is that no one but the person you are trying to mind read knows what she is feeling or thinking and that always applies at all times. Attributing a character trait to a subjective perception of a perceived "facial expression" is about as childish and ignorant an act as is possible to do.
1
I love my BFR face. It does with my bark and my style.
4
my wife has RBF. she has recounted stories of creepy guys always asking her to smile or asking what's wrong or why she's mad.
but RBF is only half (or less) of it. it's the RBF/smile differential that has always been the key for me. No problem with RBF. Be genuine. But if your smile lights up the room when you aren't in RBF mode, that's magic.
but RBF is only half (or less) of it. it's the RBF/smile differential that has always been the key for me. No problem with RBF. Be genuine. But if your smile lights up the room when you aren't in RBF mode, that's magic.
4
“When a man looks stern, or serious, or grumpy, it’s simply the default,” said Rachel Simmons, an author and leadership consultant at Smith College. “We don’t inherently judge the moodiness of a male face. But as women, we are almost expected to put on a smile. So if we don’t, it’s deemed ‘bitchy.’ ”
I think it's pretty obvious that if a man goes around with a face that looks angry a rest it is a problem for other people and it will effect his personal and professional relationships. I know this from personal experience, and it is surprising to me that women can't see that the perception of male anger is the equally socially unacceptable equivalent to female 'bitchiness'.
I think it's pretty obvious that if a man goes around with a face that looks angry a rest it is a problem for other people and it will effect his personal and professional relationships. I know this from personal experience, and it is surprising to me that women can't see that the perception of male anger is the equally socially unacceptable equivalent to female 'bitchiness'.
2
“We don’t inherently judge the moodiness of a male face." Oh yes people do. I don't think a day went by that I didn't have someone tell me to smile when I lived in the Bay Area. It was years later that I realised those same "friends" were passing judgments on me and attributing thoughts, actions and character traits in spite of what they knew of me via actual interactions and what I said. Often they imposed their false judgment in spite of what I said and did right in front of them.
Its a real problem caused by lack of personal boundaries and respect for the same in others.
Its a real problem caused by lack of personal boundaries and respect for the same in others.
1
Victoria Beckham ALWAYS looks like that. I have never seen a picture of her where she was anything but angry.
2
No you have never seen a picture of her in which you did not IMAGINE she was angry. You have no idea what she is feeling even if she was telling you "I feel X" to your face.
8
It looks to me like she's leaning in, trying to hear someone better. Perhaps she's at a soccer match.
What is trivial and petty is not the article itself but the attitude that makes it relevant. I'm nearing seventy, and only in the last few years (I'm retired) have I NOT encountered people (mostly men) who enjoyed commenting, in a ridiculous variety of ways, on my lack of a SMILE unless I happened to be walking around with a goofy grin on my face. Ironically, only in the last few years have I not cared whether they cared or not. Wish I could have told 'em off years ago, when I DID care! But I was too busy trying to be "nice," unfortunately not fully realizing that THEY were the ones who were out of line, commenting on something that belongs solely to me and is none of their business: my face.
279
See Erving Goffman's excellent treatise on The Presentation of Self In Everyday Life. This very serious sociological work says "face" is not something we own. It is a social construct. The idea of being able to lose face, to help others to regain theirs after a gaffe, and other phenomena speak to face's significance as a transacted item. Goffman says we have really two faces, expressions-given and expressions given-off. Givens are those we intend others to receive and to apply a certain meaning to, such as an attentive and interested face during a business meeting. Given-offs are unintended faces that can reveal our exhaustion, impatience, or nothing at all. Deep thinking, for me, is an out-of-body experience. Expressions given-off predominate and people ask me if I'm well or okay. If I'm really engrossed, I'm having a blast, but it doesn't "show," because I'm not putting on a show, at that moment.
This stupid article really ticked me off, and I knew the readers' comments would react appropriately. I'll never forget going to a community hearing to stop offshore oil drilling on the California coast. Apparently it was filmed and live-streamed to a broader audience. The next day my employer commented to me that I "looked so serious" (i.e. unattractive). This ticks me off still. What should I have done -- sat there with a goofball grin?
Ancient English Person, I sure wish YOU would have a column or forum. I love what you have to say.
Ancient English Person, I sure wish YOU would have a column or forum. I love what you have to say.
1
I'm starting to think that the Times's "woman problem" is real.
9
I'm a man and I am subjected to this baloney all the time. It may not be doing it directly but it is addressing a serious problem in society. Our cultural embracing of immaturity and hyper sexuality, stupidity and ignorance, avarice, pandering etc.
3
I'm glad to read so many comments noting how frequently women are told by strangers or bosses (or umps!) to "Smile!" I used to think it was happening to me only. I wish when I was younger I would have used this comeback: "I'm not here to look pretty for you, Mister."
21
I think a male equivalent would be the PCGF meaning the "phony cool guy face." Full disclosure. I am a male and we all have a PCGF.
8
I thought this was one of those ridiculous American things, until I walked through a park in London and a strange man told me to smile. This is real. I would rather call it something other than BRF, I prefer to think of it as a woman caught up in her own thoughts, and random people in the world want to intrude.
15
Auto-correct re-submission- misspelling in earlier post:
Having just learned of the term Resting Bitch Face which succinctly describes my natural expression, I may now use the term to preface conversations for levity with patients I care for and students I teach, and others I interact with, instead of my usual, lengthy, "Please excuse my scowl, I attribute it to Irish genetics from unhappy ancestors who starved during the potato famine, but I am truly friendly, approachable and kind." That said, there should be the term Resting Disingenuous Smiling Face which is just as off-putting.
Having just learned of the term Resting Bitch Face which succinctly describes my natural expression, I may now use the term to preface conversations for levity with patients I care for and students I teach, and others I interact with, instead of my usual, lengthy, "Please excuse my scowl, I attribute it to Irish genetics from unhappy ancestors who starved during the potato famine, but I am truly friendly, approachable and kind." That said, there should be the term Resting Disingenuous Smiling Face which is just as off-putting.
8
How about just acting as if it is normal just because it is normal to "look" that way most of the time?
Because all of my life I have been told I look angry, or asked, "What's the matter?!"
I seem to remember hearing in the early eighties that women shouldn't smile in the business setting because we wouldn't be taken as seriously as are non-smiling men. We were also told to not to laugh out loud, much less giggle, and to deepen our voices because men couldn't hear our soft speech in the higher octaves. And to wear dark pantsuits with jackets that had wide shoulder pads and to narrow our hips so that our silhouettes would look like men's, and to smoosh in our breasts with sports bras, and on and on and on.... And then we were supposed to wear big lionesque hair. Go figure.
9
If you take all that advice you'll look like the woman in the old soda ad who shouts, "Extry! Extry! America's going dry!"
the ease with which the "bitch" word is circulated in a culture and society determined to suffocate the female.
7
There is no RBF, really. It's a phenomenon of a formal quality of the medium of photograhy, the stoppage of time. Anyone who has photographed people extensively, looking at pages of "contact sheets," prints of rolls of film (I betray my technological age), quickly learns that practically any facial expression can appear on almost any face regardless of who the subject was, their gender, or what was going on during the shoot. The "meaning" of photographs is constructed in our consciousness just like our ideas about gender. Think about that when you're wondering how New York Times front page photographs of newsworthy personalities appear to mirror the news stories. The villain looks villainous, or the hero of the moment looks, heroic. The photo editor chooses the image. It has no more purchase on objective truth than a writer's single sentence.
7
I have never given this topic any thought. When I look at these photos I see very attractive women observing some down time and reflection. These women have a common gift of being able to convey a mood or state by way of expression. Along with other talents, that's a positive attribute that makes them good actresses.
So, if RBF is what it is called, then I love RBF. It is something real and accessible as opposed to a transparently insincere smile synthesized for public consumption.
But let's be clear about one thing, RBF is just a stupid meme for a public that can't seem to handle a naturally attractive and/or talented woman without tearing her down.
So, if RBF is what it is called, then I love RBF. It is something real and accessible as opposed to a transparently insincere smile synthesized for public consumption.
But let's be clear about one thing, RBF is just a stupid meme for a public that can't seem to handle a naturally attractive and/or talented woman without tearing her down.
2
Why would anyone be bothered by a woman who looks serious, pensive, especially with no context??? Serious or pensive are not the same as angry. Another issue on which I'm apparently out of sync with the average 'mercan, plus it is incredibly sexist and superficial.
6
I have recently become an RBF. How do I know? This year a woman (yes, we are the gate-keepers of this thing) told me twice in the same amount of days that I "looked prettier" when I smile. Never heard that before in my life, so I can say I've seen life from both sides now.
What has been my ticket into RBF-land? AGING. It's taken me 67 years to join the sorority. I had a few peak blissful years before this when a couple of decades ago I went from brunette to blonde. Wow, did that get me sweeter responses! I have been sensitive ever since about how women are perceived, and I have also been a student of "the appeasement smile." I have surmised that the expected smiling that all women in our culture are somehow trained to do, is a key component in sexual attraction -- what we are told it is. I can spot transsexual women immediately because they were never subliminally schooled in appeasement smiling.
Yes, RBF is definitely a "thing." It's not the internet's imagination. I don't know how far outing this prejudice can go, BUT it's wonderful that it's being discussed. Reading this has gelled some thoughts I've had this year since that woman bugged me about smiling, and has made me feel a lot better about having joined the RBF ranks. But now I feel I would be positively shunned if I allowed my hair color to be its true white. I tried it 17 years ago as a non-RBF, and I got immediately disappeared.
What has been my ticket into RBF-land? AGING. It's taken me 67 years to join the sorority. I had a few peak blissful years before this when a couple of decades ago I went from brunette to blonde. Wow, did that get me sweeter responses! I have been sensitive ever since about how women are perceived, and I have also been a student of "the appeasement smile." I have surmised that the expected smiling that all women in our culture are somehow trained to do, is a key component in sexual attraction -- what we are told it is. I can spot transsexual women immediately because they were never subliminally schooled in appeasement smiling.
Yes, RBF is definitely a "thing." It's not the internet's imagination. I don't know how far outing this prejudice can go, BUT it's wonderful that it's being discussed. Reading this has gelled some thoughts I've had this year since that woman bugged me about smiling, and has made me feel a lot better about having joined the RBF ranks. But now I feel I would be positively shunned if I allowed my hair color to be its true white. I tried it 17 years ago as a non-RBF, and I got immediately disappeared.
14
Just look through a collection of photos of notable Republicans and you'll find them doing the same thing. Yes, they're serious, and yes, they hate the Federal government, but they're really just sour-pusses. There are words used to describe men in particular that are never used to describe women, but bitch seems to be allowed in the Times while the words describing men of this ilk aren't.
5
Ladies, get over it: "RBF" is a consequence of the culture we live in, created by the people who are a part of it. I would even say that ladies might have had a partial hand in creating the RBF phenomenon as well.
2
RBF is the lamest, most pernicious idea of the year. A person, female or male, shouldn't walk around spending mental energy putting on a fake smile all the time. And now if people buy into this idiocy it will make the problem worse with more and more people thinking it is important to make sure they are always smiling. Smiles are wonderful and beautiful, but should not be ubiquitous. Have we lost all depth??
7
bizarre waste of newsprint. The photos in the article are of attractive grownups. Superficial to the nth degree.
7
Yet another nonexistent problem problem. Its as if Americans have all become the British lower classes who just engage as if whatever they assume is legitimate and your problem to figure out never mind that they have just inserted themselves as if they are part of your life with rights and a say in it.
"Never judge a book by it's cover" comes to mind as the first thing we learn about how to regard appearance. In its most basic application it is meant to be a metaphor discouraging making judgments about others based on their appearance.
Then there is " Personal Boundaries" a very complex and wide ranging area of human existence. Today aside from telling others what we like or don't like no one seems to understand that boundaries go much further. You don't have the right to scold me because you don't like what you imagine when you see my face. How dare that teacher make Amy self conscious "Smile Amy" because he has a paranoid mind! You don't have any rights to know what I or anyone else am feeling or thinking. Even with your immediate family they have the right not to disclose to you or not assume a facial expression that you prefer.
The focus on immaturity and pandering in popular culture is destroying the standards for human interaction that made Americans Exceptional and kept us free. What next cloying phony call center obsequiousness?
It is normal to not smile. You should very rarely have to think about your appearance there are far too many other more important things.
"Never judge a book by it's cover" comes to mind as the first thing we learn about how to regard appearance. In its most basic application it is meant to be a metaphor discouraging making judgments about others based on their appearance.
Then there is " Personal Boundaries" a very complex and wide ranging area of human existence. Today aside from telling others what we like or don't like no one seems to understand that boundaries go much further. You don't have the right to scold me because you don't like what you imagine when you see my face. How dare that teacher make Amy self conscious "Smile Amy" because he has a paranoid mind! You don't have any rights to know what I or anyone else am feeling or thinking. Even with your immediate family they have the right not to disclose to you or not assume a facial expression that you prefer.
The focus on immaturity and pandering in popular culture is destroying the standards for human interaction that made Americans Exceptional and kept us free. What next cloying phony call center obsequiousness?
It is normal to not smile. You should very rarely have to think about your appearance there are far too many other more important things.
6
I find it ironic that young women who invest hours a day into working out, dieting, manicuring their finger/toenails, selecting the most attractive cosmetic products & selecting the exact right fashion to wear feel a need to adopt a "RBF" in order to repel men's attention. It would be like putting out a rare piece of sirloin steak in a dog pound & then yelling at the rabid dog's as they attempt to grab it. If, on the other hand, these women obviously didn't spend hours in front of the mirror mastering their dominance countenance & just focused instead of external realities like helping their neighbors or volunteering to pick up trash in their communities, they might find that their smiles came naturally & they would earn respect by their human values rather than whether they chose to smile or not. Celebrities are heavily invested in their appearance so if RBF is the new trend, they will hop the fence to get on board. What celebrity worshippers don't understand is that self absorption is not the key to success or happiness. Often it just leads to eating disorders which may explain the RBF on skinny models as they haven't eaten in hours thus appearing as if they're ready to bite the head off the first thing that moves.
48
Good work. Looking good is not an invitation to be treated like a piece of public property. I work on my appearance for the pleasure it gives me. Any pleasure it gives men is purely ancillary and does not entitle them to a comment or vote on what I do with my face or any other part of my anatomy.
3
I like to look nice...for me. I wear perfume...for me. I smile when I feel like it and I don't want any extra attention from men.
I have struggled with this irony my whole life. I am striking. I work with the public. When I used to come into work, my male, straight co workers would line up to watch me walk in. I never acknowledged that it was happening, never betrayed that I even saw them but it was annoying in that demeaning kind of way that most women reading this will recognize as familiar.
I asked myself should I be someone else, dress in a burka just to be left alone? But I didn't see why I should look like a hag to keep men from bothering me. So I have perfected the bitch face. There is nothing resting about it and it tells the world clearly to leave me alone unless you have legitimate business with me.
I have struggled with this irony my whole life. I am striking. I work with the public. When I used to come into work, my male, straight co workers would line up to watch me walk in. I never acknowledged that it was happening, never betrayed that I even saw them but it was annoying in that demeaning kind of way that most women reading this will recognize as familiar.
I asked myself should I be someone else, dress in a burka just to be left alone? But I didn't see why I should look like a hag to keep men from bothering me. So I have perfected the bitch face. There is nothing resting about it and it tells the world clearly to leave me alone unless you have legitimate business with me.
1
Carla, the whole point of the article is that smiles don't come naturally to everyone. And picking up trash has never ever in my life caused a spontaneous smile.
1
As a proud owner of a RBF, and mother of two daughters (one with a RBF, one without)--this is a case of someone wanting me to make them feel comfortable. Not my problem. If I wanted others to change how they looked to make me feel comfortable, then imagine what could be hoisted upon others in the name of my 'comfort' or 'ease' or 'desire'.
Should black people be less black because it makes me nervous? Should homeless be less visible because I am uncomfortable? Of course there are people in society that do wish these things to be true, but at least we also have some people who call them out for their bigotry.
Should black people be less black because it makes me nervous? Should homeless be less visible because I am uncomfortable? Of course there are people in society that do wish these things to be true, but at least we also have some people who call them out for their bigotry.
6
If the Deity had wanted us to smile all the time, the Deity would have put the Earth above our heads instead of beneath them.
RBF creates a double standard and is more toxic toward women, even by its name alone. For sure. But as a man with chronic RBF, I can assure you it exists. I've been told countless times (even in the past week!) that people think I hate them. Strangers have stopped me on the street to try and get me to smile. It's absolutely something I have to awkwardly compensate for at job interviews, dates, and any other situation where I have to meet new people. I'll probably be dismissed as a mansplainer, but I constantly feel the weight of my RBF. The consequences are almost certainly less drastic for me than women who exhibit it, but to claim it doesn't exist in men is simply not true.
115
Good to know there are others
3
Yes, this happens to both me and my husband. He has been told (literally) by a female boss that she tried hard not to judge him negatively because he did not smile frequently. At work, I have been told I would look prettier if I smile by male colleagues and superiors. It is quite ridiculous. I usually respond with a toothy grin to stop them in their tracks. Usually, they never ask again, but probably assume I am the B in RBF.
1
Me too! Like you, Matthew, I wouldn't deny that women face greater consequences (my RBF apparently makes some people find me mysterious), but I've had to consciously adjust my expression at work, social gatherings, etc. just to get people to stop asking me "what's wrong?", etc. And it's always people you'd never share anything personal with in a million years, anyway....
Exactly! As if the world just needs women to be attractive rather than work out complex problems.
8
I first came across this concept when a boss said to me during a performance review, that I needed to "smile more". (I was 37 at the time), and in a leadership role at the company. What other constructive advice did he give me during that performance review? None. Nada. Zip. Said I was kicking it in all areas of my job, I just needed to smile more.
177
It is hard to imagine you thought more of your boss after this review than before. A man might have gotten some substantive mentoring. Was this at all helpful to you, or just puzzling?
2
This just exhausts me. Yes, why? Why are we being judged by whether we are visually pleasing to men and not by our performance and competencies. I've never faced this in a work context, but I have been told by numerous random men on the street to "smile," as if what I do with my face, or any other aspect of myself or my life, is any of their concern. They're total strangers, after all. All I can say at this point is that patriarchy is exhausting.
3
Recently, I was fired from a job I took very seriously and performed far better than the majority of my peers in the field. The product of my work received the highest praise publicly and privately, and it was making a tremendous difference in the organization, but I was told I was too "hard-edged" and "mad all the time". This mystified me for months until I realized that a man performing the same job with similar results would have been praised for his leadership and "get it done" attitude, been called a genius and gotten a raise to boot. I was fired after directly pointing out the quality of my work and asking for a modest raise. In a recent NYT article, Sandberg hit it: men are judged on their results, and women, no matter their IQ, talent or accomplishment, on (what others perceive as) their personality. And, "attractive" women are expected even more than less-attractive ones to conform to the image of a "nice" woman.
4
Come now, the depicted ladies simply have unpleasant expressions on their faces. They are also public figures, often photographed. They can do their flippin' job. As to the rank-and-file scowlers, lighten up. It's what's inside that counts. Be confident; a nasty expression makes you appear unsure.
But they're not unpleasant or nasty expressions. They are neutral! That's the whole point. People assume that neutral looks (on females only) indicate negativity. Yes it should be what's inside that counts. But everyone focuses on the outside and telling us to change it, which then makes us actually mad...
9
I've dealt with this my entire life. I always found it irritating when people kept telling me to smile, asked what was wrong, or said I looked angry and too intense.
And then I realized it was true.
A smile puts people--including myself--at ease. For better or for worse, it is a wonderful social lubricant.
Incidentally, I'm a man. This is absolutely not a gendered issue.
And then I realized it was true.
A smile puts people--including myself--at ease. For better or for worse, it is a wonderful social lubricant.
Incidentally, I'm a man. This is absolutely not a gendered issue.
1
We're not interested in socially lubricating strangers. Do you walk down the street smiling so people won't tell you to?
3
This absolutely applies to men as well. I suffer from this condition. It is a strange perspective to suggest that it is not an issue for men. People prefer to be around people who are happy and pleasant. Men like it when people enjoy their company just as much as women. This article seems to assume the misogynist stereotypes of the baby-boomer generation represent reality. Maleness is no longer intertwined with seriousness and cynicism, and women have no more obligation to be nice than men do.
3
Is it a constant issue for you? Or just an occasional annoyance? Do strangers tell you how you should look? Do bosses chastise you for your facial expressions?
2
I have lived my whole life with a serious face when relaxed. My baby picture face is serious. I cannot count the number of times people have thought that I was angry, unhappy or suffering when I was merely relaxed. And people frequently interpreted that I was angry or unhappy with them.
Unfortunately, this is a much more serious problem for real people than for movie stars.
Unfortunately, this is a much more serious problem for real people than for movie stars.
6
I've always found women to be, on average, much more judgemental of other women (and themselves) than men. I'm male and as a teen I was always hit with "why don't you smile more" line. I wasn't inherently unhappy; I was "me". As I've aged I learned the power of a smile and putting people at ease with a bit of humor (in the right context).
I will admit that I don't feel Kristen Stewart is happy. Maybe it's better to state that her fame seems a burden to her. How do I derive such an opinion? She has that incessant frown constantly pinned on her otherwise pretty face. So maybe there is something to this thing.
I will admit that I don't feel Kristen Stewart is happy. Maybe it's better to state that her fame seems a burden to her. How do I derive such an opinion? She has that incessant frown constantly pinned on her otherwise pretty face. So maybe there is something to this thing.
2
Public smiling is almost always a manifestation of duplicity. I will never forget the contrast in world leaders Ronald Reagan representing the U.S. and Helmut Schmidt representing West Germany. The former always sported a supercilious smile while the latter always looked serious. The former tripled the national debt, signed down and protected the looting of the S&L industry, and declared ketchup a vegetable. The latter steered his country safely and intelligently through perilous times.
Smiling in public is a sure sign of either senility or trickery. Makes no difference the sex doing the affectation.
Smiling in public is a sure sign of either senility or trickery. Makes no difference the sex doing the affectation.
15
Exactly. Anyone that focused on their appearance has got to be manipulative.
It just occurs to me that the correct social reaction to appearance is the direct opposite of the problem here. Instead of asking why aren't you smiling you should always as why are you smiling. If the answer is not specific and related to an event whose proximity is obvious you are dealing with someone running some stage of a con.
It just occurs to me that the correct social reaction to appearance is the direct opposite of the problem here. Instead of asking why aren't you smiling you should always as why are you smiling. If the answer is not specific and related to an event whose proximity is obvious you are dealing with someone running some stage of a con.
When I was a boy I always had people telling me to smile. My neutral expression seemed to bother them. Like many, I learned not to care. It's my face.
3
I eagerly (with vacuous, gaping, grin in place) await the follow up article in regard to men with full pictorial. Whilst doing so, I'll be considering if I should renew? 8D
4
Having just recently learned of the term Resting Bitch Face that succinctly describes my natural expression that is shared by others, I can now preface conversations with patients I care for and students I teach using that term instead of my lengthy, "Please excuse my scowl, I attribute it to Irish genetics from unhappy ancestors who starved during the potato famine, but I am truly friendly, approachable and kind." That said, there should be a term Resting Indigenous Smiling Face, because that's a worse expression displayed by many.
3
Men talk a lot about woman, of course, and a lot, but in my entire life I've never heard a single man refer to a woman's angry look. I suppose there could be subconscious responses going on to certain expressions but you'd think if this was even an issue, at some point I would have heard someone comment on the unapproachable glare of some particular woman.
I think this article is utter fluff.
I think this article is utter fluff.
4
Yet we regularly encounter male strangers who feel entitled to order us to "smile!" Guess you don't know those guys. Just because you haven't personally experienced something doesn't make it false. Sometimes it's good to listen to others and learn something new.
3
When I was a younger woman, often random men on the street would instruct me to "smile!" as I passed. It was the equivalent of an unwelcome come-on or a dominance move. A man doesn't have to make a direct reference to an "angry face" to let a woman know that her facial expression is not what he'd like to see.
This article brings back memories of my mother's constant admonishment to smile and pestering me with questions about my mood, which then moved on to haranguing about what did I have to be unhappy about. The truth was, I was simply wearing my "resting face" or my "thinking face". The result of the badgering did shift me into a less agreeable mood.
As an adult I have occasionally run into people who tell me to smile. My observation is that A.) this person is confrontational and hostile and B.) only two kinds of people smile all the time, i.e., idiots and con men.
As an adult I have occasionally run into people who tell me to smile. My observation is that A.) this person is confrontational and hostile and B.) only two kinds of people smile all the time, i.e., idiots and con men.
4
"haranguing about what did I have to be unhappy about"
Her attitude was far more troubling than just wanting to see a pretty face. If you had really been unhappy, I take it, she would not have sympathized. I wonder if she also said, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
Her attitude was far more troubling than just wanting to see a pretty face. If you had really been unhappy, I take it, she would not have sympathized. I wonder if she also said, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
I like that expression in women. It says she is not trying to please everyone 24/7, that she is thoughtful, focused on things other than how she is perceived by others, and probably intelligent. A woman who smiles too much is like a guy who smiles too much -- it makes me a little suspicious.
6
In my household it is my husband who has a stern, unapproachable expression as his default face. One time on a ride at Disneyworld, the guide tapped his shoe with his foot and told him to smile. My husband sees nothing wrong with deflecting pushy idiots, and in that case he was certainly justified. Too bad it didn't work.
1
I first became aware of the female imperative to smile when Nancy Pelosi became speaker of the House and I noticed how she always smiles while being interviewed, often in a rather unnatural way. I'm a man, and I am flabbergasted that the author was embarrassed by how she looked on TV. I thought she looked great. Same for the other women mentioned in the article. Please get over it!
2
Very interesting article. I always wondered when it became popular for men and women to have to smile for a portrait. In family photos of 80 o 50 years ago people, even children, did not smile. They posed with their normal expressions, making these portraits much more telling of the real person inside of those pictures. I hope that the Natural Resting Face comes back in conjunction with all of the other "natural" movements that are taking place among the young and especially among young women, like the growing out of body hair. We have had too much of plastic faces, plastic boobs, perfect nails and hair and no wrinkles. Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!!
8
In early photography, exposures were quite long. Photographic subjects were usually instructed to freeze their facial expression to avoid blurring.
Americans expect women to smile. Some Americans ask me why I don't smile often. I respond "I'm Russian", and it stops the questioning. My genuine smile is reserved for the moments of true happiness, not to appease the public.
10
I've recently made it a point to smile when I'm out and about. It's interesting how contagious a smile can be. When people catch my eye and see me smiling, they very often break into a smile themselves. Try it for a day.
2
Anna Gunn as Skylar on Breaking Bad was very good at this facial expression. This is probably why her character was reviled by many.
I had a friend at work who told me that she had this problem. I hadn't noticed because I tend not to read faces much but instead I pay attention to how people behave and what they say. This is because I have difficulty with eye-contact. I always thought she was an optimistic person without being overly cheerful. She lost her job several months after I quit for another job.
I had a friend at work who told me that she had this problem. I hadn't noticed because I tend not to read faces much but instead I pay attention to how people behave and what they say. This is because I have difficulty with eye-contact. I always thought she was an optimistic person without being overly cheerful. She lost her job several months after I quit for another job.
This is a problem that is uniquely American. Because of the societal habits here, which I have grown into, I look like a freak every time I am in a different country and randomly smile at people on the street. France, England, Italy, and really any of the European countries, not to mention Asia or Africa, are different. People are more reserved and as a general rule, a more serious face is the norm.
7
There's nothing wrong with anyone's resting face. If people are "reading" emotions that aren't there, then it's the "reader" who is wrong and has the problem. They need to reassess how accurately they can read facial expressions and body language, and understand that these cues are not 100% reliable.
139
Quite true, and I appreciate your statement, but why do people insist on asking what's wrong when it's "just my face." I might add that they do this in very public ways, and it's embarrassing to be singled out and commented upon for your appearance.
2
I agree. Having lived for years at a time in other cultures, I am acutely aware of the danger of making assumptions about people based on their facial expressions (also, have learned this teaching college kids right here in the US). Individuals are icebergs. All the complex things going on underneath simply cannot be discerned from the face. Those people who say something with the goal of "cheering someone up" are actually acting on a very presumptuous impulse to control, IMHO. Often, the people who look cheery are the ones hiding the most. If you care about someone (and it is appropriate given your social relationship), you can always ask, but don't make assumptions.
1
I think there is some truth to what you say. But communication goes both ways, and unfair or not, it is important to know what you are "projecting" as your emotion as well.
Women are humans. The article is about a serious judgmental, sexist, and downing idea. What if there was an article of a derogatory term about race, or gay people: even reusing a term to talk about it without criticizing it unequivocally can multiply language that takes away humanity from a group of humans.
142
The article is not sexist. It's talking about a sexist thing. There is a difference.
2
American culture is pathologically obsessed with cheeriness. I think it might have to do with our rugged individualism; we prioritize strength over empathy, and sadness can indicate weakness. We would be a healthier culture if we could value people not for their momentary states of mood or happiness, but instead for their more constant characteristics such as intelligence, consideration, integrity etc. That would give us stability.
219
If a nonsmiler is a mere weakling, why try to make her smile? More likely, the nonsmiler is considered a wet blanket who interferes with others' pursuit of happiness.
1
Even more troubling: the constant smiling is meant to reassure others, communicate to them that we're OK -- so that ...? Perhaps so that they don't have to care about us, worry whether we're really OK?
I'm now reminded of how constant smiling used to be expected of black men (before my time); consequences for failing to do so could be suspicion of being a criminal, harassment by the police, or worse. A scary parallel ...
I'm now reminded of how constant smiling used to be expected of black men (before my time); consequences for failing to do so could be suspicion of being a criminal, harassment by the police, or worse. A scary parallel ...
1
I only encountered the "Are you OK?" questions in the last several years, mostly at work but also from my 30-yr. old son. Finally figured it out. Age! Facial tissue sags with aging and pulls down the corners of my mouth to create a frown that can be interpreted however the viewer projects: Sadness, arrogance, anger, bitterness, worry, physical pain, mental anguish, etc. I think it had a lot to do with trouble I had two co-workers who felt threatened by my higher education and interpreted my resting or thinking face as snobbery and a "superiority complex." They reacted by undermining my work at every opportunity, turning our boss against me and other bully tactics. My smiles never overcame that perception and I wish I had understood the "senior resting face" phenomenon sooner. It would have saved me a lot of grief.
136
I don't think it was your expression that caused the problem. A lot of people who are older face agism of this kind.
2
I don't think it's age - I heard most of this "Smile!" nonsense before I was fifty.
1
[[Facial tissue sags with aging and pulls down the corners of my mouth to create a frown that can be interpreted however the viewer projects: Sadness, arrogance, anger, bitterness, worry, physical pain, mental anguish, etc.]]
You have to flip the tables on people like that. "Yes. I'm fine. Don't ask me that question again. If I have a problem, I'll let you know."
You have to flip the tables on people like that. "Yes. I'm fine. Don't ask me that question again. If I have a problem, I'll let you know."
2
This makes me want to retreat to a convent. I just have no interest in being evaluated by people who are that shallow and demanding of happy conformity.
I am reminded, though, of the actress Elizabeth Mitchell (from "Lost" and "Revolution"), whose default face when she's holding something in reserve has a feline upturned mouth, but who I always feel is saying inside "I can't believe I have to put up with you people and pretend, cuz that's what you expect from a beautiful blonde, like I'm smiling." That is my favorite thing about her as an actress.
And in the photo with this article, Anna Kendrick looks lovely and wistful to me, not scowling.
The Joker gave permanent smiles, so, consider that imperative.
I am reminded, though, of the actress Elizabeth Mitchell (from "Lost" and "Revolution"), whose default face when she's holding something in reserve has a feline upturned mouth, but who I always feel is saying inside "I can't believe I have to put up with you people and pretend, cuz that's what you expect from a beautiful blonde, like I'm smiling." That is my favorite thing about her as an actress.
And in the photo with this article, Anna Kendrick looks lovely and wistful to me, not scowling.
The Joker gave permanent smiles, so, consider that imperative.
36
One of the reasons I couldn't stand Elizabeth MItchell's character (Juliet) on "Lost" was her virtually non-stop smile. In fact, her face, demeanor and the way she held herself all went with that perpetual smile, conveying subservient, submissive, wanna-be-pretty-above-all-else weakness. I vastly preferred Michelle Rodriguez's Ana Lucia, Mira Furlan's Danielle, Evangeline Lily's Kate, Yunjin Kim's Sun, and even Maggie Grace's bratty and duplicitous Shannon. (Actually, I adore Michelle Rodriguez in everything she does -- she totally rocks!)
Good point about the Joker, though. The Glasgow Smile is a staple of horror fiction, for good reason. Featured in the 1928 silent classic, "The Man Who Laughs" and Thomas Tryon's novel "Harvest Home." One of the creepiest and most sadistic crimes ever invented.
Good point about the Joker, though. The Glasgow Smile is a staple of horror fiction, for good reason. Featured in the 1928 silent classic, "The Man Who Laughs" and Thomas Tryon's novel "Harvest Home." One of the creepiest and most sadistic crimes ever invented.
2
Think before you retreat to a convent; you might find the kind of nun CH Shannon described.
Yet another critical, dismissive, inflammatory piece of discourse on a natural aspect of a women's appearance? Presented as if it's humorous when it's actually dismissive and overly self critical? Get real, not a woman pictured is old enough to have any of the issues described. And bless them, every one, for not looking like air heads but rather like people with thoughts, dreams and potential. A smile does not say it all.
304
love this comments!
I agree completely. It would never have occurred to me that a serious look was unattractive or undesirable for either a woman or a man. Quite the contrary, in fact.
1
Right! They actually looked lost in thought. I'm a thinker, I've been told to smile by strangers in the street "back in the day" (I'm 66 now") and I always replied "I am and do I know you?".
I feel for the young women today who are faced with such pressure to conform in such a public way. Even unknowns are potentially seen all over social media. In my view, most have forced their voices to sound a certain way as well. It's a way to look, sound, behave as though we don't have power because 'what man will want us' if we are not perceived as pliable?
We have so much to overcome - still - it's exhausting. I say be your authentic self but that's not easy when you're young and haven't figured it out yet... haven't lived through all that striving for perfection and acceptance only to find you lost anyway. We women will only make it when we help each other. Gitting rid of the B word as a fun and hip reference is the first step.
I feel for the young women today who are faced with such pressure to conform in such a public way. Even unknowns are potentially seen all over social media. In my view, most have forced their voices to sound a certain way as well. It's a way to look, sound, behave as though we don't have power because 'what man will want us' if we are not perceived as pliable?
We have so much to overcome - still - it's exhausting. I say be your authentic self but that's not easy when you're young and haven't figured it out yet... haven't lived through all that striving for perfection and acceptance only to find you lost anyway. We women will only make it when we help each other. Gitting rid of the B word as a fun and hip reference is the first step.
1
The photos of these women, supposedly suffering from "the thing that won't be named" all look pretty interesting to me -- hardly threatening. Geez.
4
I've dealt with this all my life. In high school, people would ask me why I look so serious, even when I was having fun. Now that I'm in my 60s, I say bah to all this. It's such am American thing to be "happy" all the time, or show some semblance of a happy face. I bet this is a nonissue elsewhere.
11
RBF is a phrase that I did not come into contact with until high school, and it is a term that I have various opinions on. I have always been a fairly genuine happy person; I refrain from getting involved with people or things that may dampen my attitude. I am surrounded by amazing friends and family who love me, and I am involved in programs and with organizations I have a special place in my heart for. However, when I entered my freshman year it was then that I found that to others, my facial expression does not come across that way.
My coach and teammates frequently asked why I was so upset and my response would always be, "It's just my face!" Further into my high school career, my friends began to open up and say that prior to our friendship they were intimidated by me because I looked like I would reject their efforts to be friendly based on my appearance. It's a bit disheartening, but I had never exactly had an issue with it.
People frequently asking if I'm okay does get a bit annoying sometimes, and I definitely feel terrible for coming across as an angry person. However, those close to me know I am incredibly outgoing and rarely in a bad mood. Also, RBF does come in use when I'm trying to avoid certain people or get a point across, as written in the article. Therefore, I feel fairly neutral about the term. My straight face was given a nickname, so be it! It's my appearance, and I accept myself. I say let people talk because I know the truth.
My coach and teammates frequently asked why I was so upset and my response would always be, "It's just my face!" Further into my high school career, my friends began to open up and say that prior to our friendship they were intimidated by me because I looked like I would reject their efforts to be friendly based on my appearance. It's a bit disheartening, but I had never exactly had an issue with it.
People frequently asking if I'm okay does get a bit annoying sometimes, and I definitely feel terrible for coming across as an angry person. However, those close to me know I am incredibly outgoing and rarely in a bad mood. Also, RBF does come in use when I'm trying to avoid certain people or get a point across, as written in the article. Therefore, I feel fairly neutral about the term. My straight face was given a nickname, so be it! It's my appearance, and I accept myself. I say let people talk because I know the truth.
1
Well maybe it is time you start pointing out to them that their fake interest is actually a personal failure to regulate their own inner life. It seems they have allowed whatever impulse or imagining they have had come up and then attributed to your appearance and you should make sure they understand that what they are dealing is internal and their own problem, not your appearance.
I once had someone (yes a man) advise me that not only should I "Smile!" , but perhaps I should make an effort to "Smile!" when speaking on the phone, as others could potentially hear my non-smiling face.
84
Actually, I've read that it's a good idea to smile on the phone, not just for us RBFs, but for everyone. Perhaps it does come across to the listener.
2
During (insert large amusement park) "character training" we were advised to smile for pictures even though we were wearing huge fiberglass animal heads. I just tensed my shoulders and remained unsmiling, instead.
3
Unfortunately, that one is true; they can hear it in your voice—just as a dog can "smell" fear.
1
Armor, Affectation, Attitude. Practiced and unfortunate. It's the age we live in: everybody vogues in some way.
No we don't. That is just a passive aggressive way of avoiding dealing with the issue of not respecting personal boundaries of others and/or not having them yourself.
1
I am surprised that the Times considers this sexist article worthy of publication. Where is the companion article about the expressions men have when they are unaware of being photographed?
10
As trivial as the topic seems it speaks to the depth of social degradation we have come to by allowing boundaryless people to have an equal standing with mature respectful people.
When I was a young woman, I was a litigator representing people in the criminal justice system. So basically (in the early 1980s and 1990s) this meant, I was in a boys club. Judges, court staff, corrections staff, cops, client advocate groups, court services organizations, etc, and even the criminal bar, were heavily populated by men. I don't think there was RBF then, but I had one since to smile was to basically invite attention from the harmless, but sometimes, extraneous, good morning how are you how was your weekend to the more problematic situation of having a complete stranger play with my hair (in a courtroom). To not smile was indeed to be compared (to your RBF or behind your back) to an actual bitch (whatever that meant at the time, but it wasn't good, you weren't nice). I really did have to steel myself to walk into jails, precincts, courtrooms, the DA's office, and sometimes even to get on an elevator (don't get me started on Happy's Deli). It's not a RBF, it's my armor, bitches.
25
I was born with a frowny face...just the way my mouth is shaped. I gave up long ago explaining or trying to smile all the time...we are who we are.
8
If you get a smile out of me consider yourself blessed.
4
My first pair of bifocals co-incided with a male-dominated workplace where I was significantly less than welcomed, and where every effort was made to disparage my professional qualifications. I learned later on that my new habit of looking thru the bottom of my lenses somehow created the illusion that I was 'haughty' and 'stuck up'. Presumptions are wonderful things and sexism is something that thrives on just such miscalculations. The problem is the bizarre belief that one person has the right to decide another's personal presentation - and then take action to act on conclusions that have no real value.
20
It sounds like this is a word that some humorous people came up with to rationalize why they get unwanted comments/questions.
I see no evidence that RBF is a real thing.
Most facial poses don't have names. And they don't need them!
I see no evidence that RBF is a real thing.
Most facial poses don't have names. And they don't need them!
3
Ah, but it's not a pose. It's a neutral expression. People are reading a pose into it. And yes, it's very real. Not a rationalization, but an explanation. Read some other comments.
3
I am tired of other women using the bitch word casually. At heart, it ends up being a putdown not matter how "ironically" applied. There is an expression I heard once, describing an INTENTIONAL mien to put on to discourage unwanted male pursuers _ "haughty comatose." That's more like conveying an inner sneer with icy detachment . . .
Being thoughtful, serious, and simply occupied with something other than pleasing people is not bitchy. I know that Botox is used a lot to stay those vertical forehead lines which also - unfairly - signal anger. Your examples here don't even have them. I can see not wanting to radiate unfelt anger -- but when will we stop expecting women to accommodate everyone before themselves?
Being thoughtful, serious, and simply occupied with something other than pleasing people is not bitchy. I know that Botox is used a lot to stay those vertical forehead lines which also - unfairly - signal anger. Your examples here don't even have them. I can see not wanting to radiate unfelt anger -- but when will we stop expecting women to accommodate everyone before themselves?
97
Cheryl, my thoughts exactly, beginning with your stating "I am tired of other women using the bitch word casually".
It's an unsubtle put-down, no matter who's saying it.
It's an unsubtle put-down, no matter who's saying it.
3
You've touched on one of my pet peeves- women using the "B" word (see, I'm not even gonna spell it out). Yes, it's usually used "ironically" or as a way to "own" the word and therefore "empower" ourselves (and don't even get me started on the use of the word "empower" - almost invariably used by the most witless unempowered people deluding themselves). And oh yes, I'd also like men to stop using the "B" word - and ALL of us to stop using all the other epithets so loathesome that they're generally only referred to by their initial. (Well, while I'm wishing...)
1
There's a difference between expressing sexism and talking about sexism. Just as there's a difference between expressing any prejudice and talking about the prejudice. Or expressing a trait and talking about the trait. If I'm talking to you and I utter the word "bully," does that mean I'm bullying you?
Men and women are different. Is that "sexist"? If so, is it "sexist" in a damaging way? Or are the politically correct thought police simply against any acknowledgement of sex differences at all?
If women are judged negatively for their seemingly overly serious expressions, men are judged negatively for smiling. Smiling men are apparently less attractive to women, for example.
Expressions, tones of voice, body language....are all forms of language, and language is based on norms. You communicate - or miscommunicate - according to the prevailing norms. Ignore this at your own peril.
If women are judged negatively for their seemingly overly serious expressions, men are judged negatively for smiling. Smiling men are apparently less attractive to women, for example.
Expressions, tones of voice, body language....are all forms of language, and language is based on norms. You communicate - or miscommunicate - according to the prevailing norms. Ignore this at your own peril.
3
Men and women are different, yes, but when one of these differences comes with an inherent, imbalanced social price tag (being constantly shouted at by absolute strangers to smile, being judged unfairly in the workplace or social situations based on lack of constant smiles, being forced to fake smiles just so that people won't harass you), something is wrong.
The only negative consequence to smiling men so far is the dating one that you mentioned, which IIRC was also only applicable in online dating situations, not real life. But the consequences to women are so vast in comparison (workplace, dating, and social), and that's why there's a problem.
When a difference becomes an undue burden, that's when it gets beyond "celebrate our differences" and when we should begin questioning our social norms. As a more extreme example - fifty years ago, African-Americans had to sit at the back of the bus. It was a social norm in the South. It was "just" based on a visible difference. Today we all know that the far heavier burden on African-Americans was wrong and they should never have been treated that way.
Finally - I find smiling men attractive. Who wants to be cooped up with a grump? Nothing warms my heart more than to see my boyfriend break out into a huge grin. If men are being penalized for smiling because of sexism, then why don't we remove that penalty for men who smile AND the one for women who don't?
The only negative consequence to smiling men so far is the dating one that you mentioned, which IIRC was also only applicable in online dating situations, not real life. But the consequences to women are so vast in comparison (workplace, dating, and social), and that's why there's a problem.
When a difference becomes an undue burden, that's when it gets beyond "celebrate our differences" and when we should begin questioning our social norms. As a more extreme example - fifty years ago, African-Americans had to sit at the back of the bus. It was a social norm in the South. It was "just" based on a visible difference. Today we all know that the far heavier burden on African-Americans was wrong and they should never have been treated that way.
Finally - I find smiling men attractive. Who wants to be cooped up with a grump? Nothing warms my heart more than to see my boyfriend break out into a huge grin. If men are being penalized for smiling because of sexism, then why don't we remove that penalty for men who smile AND the one for women who don't?
25
I would never tell a man, especially a stranger to fix his face or order him to stop smiling. No woman I know would either. I don't think every man was put on Earth to look pleasing to me at any given moment. A good number of men feel perfectly comfortable telling random women what expression they should have. Therein lies the difference.
392
Yes, men and women are different and are treated differently by society. But we tend to think of the glass ceiling or the wage gap but we do not recall the millions of men who were forced to go Vietnam and of whom 68,000 came back in body bags.
We worry that too many minorities are in prison but we forget that too many MEN are in prison and that the US imprisons white men at several times the rate of European countries.
What is PC, if repeated often enough, becomes "the truth". And so we do not see the world, we see the "World according to the NY Times."
And I wonder if the censors at the NY Times will allow MY truth to appear.
We worry that too many minorities are in prison but we forget that too many MEN are in prison and that the US imprisons white men at several times the rate of European countries.
What is PC, if repeated often enough, becomes "the truth". And so we do not see the world, we see the "World according to the NY Times."
And I wonder if the censors at the NY Times will allow MY truth to appear.
2
What an awful term, and an even more awful premise. I don't find any of the photographs accompanying the article scary or angry in any way -- they all look great. Plus, this is absolutely the appropriate mien for certain activities:
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/88/Tania_Sachdev_%28IND...
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/88/Tania_Sachdev_%28IND...
22
They should have made the movie INSIDE OUT about men.
Women would be amazed to find out how much men don't care about this stuff.
Ladies: the RBF is all on you. We guys don't care.
Women would be amazed to find out how much men don't care about this stuff.
Ladies: the RBF is all on you. We guys don't care.
9
Not so - how many times have I walked down the street, lost in thought, and been told to smile by a passing male stranger? Or something similar: "What's wrong sweetie?" "Smile, beautiful!" "Whatever it is, isn't so bad." I would bet most women have had the same experience. It doesn't bother me that much - it's obviously well intentioned - but don't pretend that men don't get bothered by a seemingly unfriendly female face!
14
If you don't care, then why do your brethren go out of their way to shout out of passing cars at me that I should smile?
9
Then stop telling us to smile.
8
I've had my "RBF" pointed out to me (usually by a man) since adolescence. Back then, I was most likely to give my interlocutor a raised middle finger or a comment that would surely be deemed unprintable by this newspaper. These days, if I say anything at all, I usually point out that IMO a constant grin reflects a vacant mind. In any case, when I was a teen-ager, my mother once told me that if someone calls you a b*tch, you should simply say "thank you." Smile optional.
23
I like your attitude and your mother's advice. My mother was one of the people telling me to "Smile!" Those of us with RBF in my family have a name for the phony smile: "Realtor/Open-House smile".
1
Some people are natural smilers and some aren't. It's neither good nor bad it just is. No need to denigrate natural smilers as "idiots".
13
I thought this was something only I experienced! Not sure how knowing of the phenomena RBF will make a difference in my life- people still judge me as unpleasant and mean when in fact I'm the total opposite. The fake smile I walk around with when I remember, feels artificial which to me feels worse than if I were actually a bitch. Maybe I'll tape this article to my office door instead.
20
This article is so shallow and stupid. It's not a cultural discussion. It's promoting another reason for women and girls to feel less than and not good enough in the most superficial way possible. Anyone that has the time and vanity to think deeply about this subject needs to sign up for volunteer work, go to a library, pick up a sport or hobby, find some friends with normal self esteem, and spend more time with their families and friends. The NYTimes needs to stop publishing these fake cultural discussions that are ultimately just ads for plastic surgery.
50
When it happens to you, you'll care.
8
How dare you insult all of the people that could relate to this issue & who didn't find the Times' choice of material to be a "fake cultural discussion" that is "shallow and stupid"? This article highlights an important issue about human communication and perception of others that I think everyone can benefit from thinking about.
2
I have RBF. I love that there is a word for it. I used to see pictures of myself and be amazed at how my natural resting face look angry even when I was relaxed or happy. It isn't about being pressured to smile or be pleasant. In a perfect world, however, I'd like my face to communicate what I'm actually feeling.
This article plays up the notion I call "Lookism." I find this fascinating, and I've thought about this A LOT over the past year as there have been more and more incidents of police shooting black men. Now whenever I see a black man, I try to be acutely aware of what's going through my mind based on his facial expression or dress, and am trying to be objective about my own prejudices based on "lookism."
From an evolutionary standpoint, we get a ton of information from looking at a person's face, information that we don't even consciously think about. Growing up, I knew when to avoid my mother by looking at her face (she could be very loving but also quite severe). Of course, sometimes that was wrong.
We should be careful judging what's going on inside from what's showing outside.
To quote Shakespeare (from Macbeth): "There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face."
From an evolutionary standpoint, we get a ton of information from looking at a person's face, information that we don't even consciously think about. Growing up, I knew when to avoid my mother by looking at her face (she could be very loving but also quite severe). Of course, sometimes that was wrong.
We should be careful judging what's going on inside from what's showing outside.
To quote Shakespeare (from Macbeth): "There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face."
13
This article nailed my entire life! I too was always told to 'Smile!' which of course, only made me scowl for real.
A former employer in the tech industry would always tell me I had to SMILE because I was the only female in the office & people needed to see me happy. I know I have a RBF, even moreso when I'm concentrating on a task. I despise(d) being singled out because of it.
It's great when I'm walking in the city because it definitely allows me to give off a don't ____ with me vibe (especially in sunglasses) but as far as work or other situations, the endless barrage of comments is ridiculous & annoying. Why should I be expected to look like a deranged circus performer just so someone else feels good? (I felt perfectly great until you told me to smile...)
A former employer in the tech industry would always tell me I had to SMILE because I was the only female in the office & people needed to see me happy. I know I have a RBF, even moreso when I'm concentrating on a task. I despise(d) being singled out because of it.
It's great when I'm walking in the city because it definitely allows me to give off a don't ____ with me vibe (especially in sunglasses) but as far as work or other situations, the endless barrage of comments is ridiculous & annoying. Why should I be expected to look like a deranged circus performer just so someone else feels good? (I felt perfectly great until you told me to smile...)
79
with our new social media obsessed culture, it's suddenly a given that the only moments that should be chronicled in life are the happy ones, otherwise you're oversharing. I say bring it on, life is messy, we are not robots, if you are feeling annoyed or sad, it is your right to let it show. long live rbf
28
Talk about profiling --- if they were men, more than half of the observers would assume they were "deep", and offer them more significant posts. Yes, it's horrifying that this is a topic for the Times. And yet, it is a topic, because it has a concrete impact upon real lives -- to the absurd point that women with means feel compelled to pay someone to assault their flesh, just to create an alternate image.
This article's existence says much more about us, our biases as a society and our weaknesses before perceived group approval than many will ever admit. Our continued mindless preference of form (appearance) over function (substance) will be our undoing.
This article's existence says much more about us, our biases as a society and our weaknesses before perceived group approval than many will ever admit. Our continued mindless preference of form (appearance) over function (substance) will be our undoing.
53
I wish this article were a joke. We have come to see any face that isn't a "smiley face" as old, angry, or bitchy. And the medical-vanity industry is waiting to sell the neurotically insecure expensive potions and surgery to fix their faces.
48
This reminds me of sometime in my early 20s when I was summoned to the office of the Directeur des Etudes of a top French engineering school I was going to, and told to "smile more for the boys". I blocked that out of my mind but this is part of the drip drip drip water torture of sexism that over time makes you want to scream. Each drop of water seems weak and harmless enough that people might wonder why is she complaining...? Sexism is not always the kind that lands in legal courts it is often in the form of water torture.
229
It's unfortunate this happened, I would be beyond annoyed. I used to be told all the time to smile more in school, and still do by men today. I really like your metaphor and the way you described sexism. It's exactly how i feel when I'm talking about a 'small' sexist issue to others, it seems inconsequential but when you add everything up, it's overwhelming.
8
I think my father invented the idea of the required smile. I am now 80 and one of my earliest memories is of him saying to me "SMILE!" on a daily basis. This has, I believe, given me a PBF (permanent bitch face) ... a rebellion etched into my
attitude as well as my face... defiance and resistance to authority formed an early part of my personality. Fortunately, as a more mature person, life has given me the freedom to SMILE when I actually feel like it!
attitude as well as my face... defiance and resistance to authority formed an early part of my personality. Fortunately, as a more mature person, life has given me the freedom to SMILE when I actually feel like it!
35
I bet he told you to "be sweet" too. In the South, placating our men is the most important thing, at least to them.
4
I just started a new job, and I have had to train myself to adjust my face every time I get up from my cubicle so that my coworkers don't look at me and assume I'm angry and unapproachable. I'm glad to know now that my face can give that impression so that I can be aware of how it appears, but I HATE that a man told me (one who looks angry all the time, no less). Just another example of how women are preoccupied at work by issues that men don't have to worry about. They can just, you know, work.
15
I am mad. And that's my real bitch face.
64
I smile a lot and laugh a lot. The trouble is that if I walk into a room with a non smiling face, people say 'What's wrong with you?' The curse of the happy person...: (
4
Ladies "RBF" exists for guys--particularly this chap. May not be referred to as "RBF" but it is not uncommon for a fellow to get comments of being unhappy, angry, etc. from his mates.
1
I've had men (and it's always men) tell me "You'd be a lot more attractive if you smiled!" to which I reply; "You'd be a lot more attractive if you kept your mouth shut". Works like a charm.
562
I guess you don't rest.
I absolutely LOVE your response & think you need to coin a phrase for the look of shock on the face of the man who makes the stupid comment to you & is so unprepared for your excellent, cutting remark back: Shocked & Clueless Face" (SCF)??!
12
Whether we women are in an intense state of concentration or just wish not to be bothered, male strangers passing us on the street, in an elevator with us, standing near us in line for coffee, walking past as we pick up a car at the airport, frequently offer their personal directives for our failure to meet their template of comfortable female behavior. Strange men men loudly inform us of their prescriptions for our lives, "You really need to smile!" If we do give them a small smile, then they exhibit a condescension: "See? Don't you feel better!!!" The double-edged sword is that smiling at them conveys encouragement to them which we do not want.
As for RBF, there is a vast difference between an outright scowl vs. a resting face which reflects little emotion. The scowl-faced woman descends from the plethora of the commercial ads beginning in the 1980s where women's faces reflected a constant state of being p*ssed off, or heroin chic: women unattainable.
Unapproachable as the scowl might be, it has its purposes. It can be employed with deliberation to keep unwanted men at a distance. The scowl conveys: stay away. Conversely, when women's RBF reflect moments of inner, pensive thought, we don't need to be told by men that we have failed to make the world comfy and reassuring for them, that they just cannot tolerate seeing us if we are not conforming to their idealized vision of women in a constant state of delirium. The Scowl works, & the RBF is woman's personal space.
As for RBF, there is a vast difference between an outright scowl vs. a resting face which reflects little emotion. The scowl-faced woman descends from the plethora of the commercial ads beginning in the 1980s where women's faces reflected a constant state of being p*ssed off, or heroin chic: women unattainable.
Unapproachable as the scowl might be, it has its purposes. It can be employed with deliberation to keep unwanted men at a distance. The scowl conveys: stay away. Conversely, when women's RBF reflect moments of inner, pensive thought, we don't need to be told by men that we have failed to make the world comfy and reassuring for them, that they just cannot tolerate seeing us if we are not conforming to their idealized vision of women in a constant state of delirium. The Scowl works, & the RBF is woman's personal space.
3
It's a thinking woman face. Deal with it.
But reading this article made me pull out my RBF in earnest. Yet more weaponizing of the anti-women industrial complex. Make us conscious of camel toes, muffin tops and bikini bridges and wait, now RBF.
Nice job, world, nicely done.
I hope this article produces a high number of RBFs and bankrupts plastic surgeons.
But of course I dream.
My RBF is thinking if this is a covert ad for plastic surgery. May be the time on this research would have been better applied to verifying the Clinton email story. Because by god, does HRC have RBF!
But reading this article made me pull out my RBF in earnest. Yet more weaponizing of the anti-women industrial complex. Make us conscious of camel toes, muffin tops and bikini bridges and wait, now RBF.
Nice job, world, nicely done.
I hope this article produces a high number of RBFs and bankrupts plastic surgeons.
But of course I dream.
My RBF is thinking if this is a covert ad for plastic surgery. May be the time on this research would have been better applied to verifying the Clinton email story. Because by god, does HRC have RBF!
10
There is a physical aspect to this effect. The short muscles across the front of the chin are strong and the longer muscles that pull up the ends of the mouth weaken over time.
Botox to those short chin muscles can make a huge difference in how you feel as it suddenly becomes easy to smile again and somehow it makes for a much happier mood.
Botox to those short chin muscles can make a huge difference in how you feel as it suddenly becomes easy to smile again and somehow it makes for a much happier mood.
1
I don't see "bitchy" in a single one of those faces. I see only women with straight faces. What's off-putting about a straight face?
It's disturbing that some women view themselves that way.
It's disturbing that some women view themselves that way.
18
I agree -- at worst they look sad, tired or bored (which they probably are given they are in Hollywood) but 'bitchy"? I don't see it at all.
7
Haven't you heard? A woman's smiling face tells men she is approachable and women must be approachable at all times.
5
I don't know - I think of Kristin Stewart as having permanent RBF - I've often wondered if she ever smiles and it does give the impression that she's constantly unhappy. And Victoria Beckham - I don't think she has RBF. I think she's probably just full on bitch.
Has there ever been a woman who hasn't been told to smile? Yet, I have done it with my daughter, I confess, and she has had to speak to me about it. I came to realize we are all perceived as little geishas from a 50s movie, smiling and tittering and speaking softly. Once I saw it that way, I became very contented with serious faces. Serious faces for thoughtful people: those are respected.
34
It's completely ridiculous to expect anyone, male or female, to walk around smiling like an idiot all the time. Nothing is more annoying than being told to smile, particularly by a stranger. None of the photos of women that accompany this article look grumpy or unpleasant to me. They merely look like normal people who are not "on" for the camera. Nothing wrong with that.
76
Really, the NY Times buys into the notion that a woman should look happy/bright/upbeat for being photographed at any time? Now we can be photographed, the image uploaded and if we're not looking what is perceived to be happy, the woman is a bitch. Hmmm, what's wrong with this assumption?
15
This topic amounts to a subtle but viable form of misogyny. To make the presumption that women should generally smile as their default mode of expression only perpetuates a stigma of deference and subservience. On another tack, I work with many women whom resort to a "scowl" when faced with any office related interaction.
18
There is a cure. There is hope… a tongue-in-cheek rebuttal:
http://herafter.com/2014/12/01/cure-resting-bitch-face/
http://herafter.com/2014/12/01/cure-resting-bitch-face/
Hey ladies! Want to perpetuate toxic attitudes about how you should look and/or conduct yourselves when you are otherwise not conscious of what your body is doing? Make absolute certain to tolerate and otherwise ignore when people use language that reinforces the idea that said preconceptions make you something other than a woman (AKA "a b--ch.") Or, if you're really comitted, casually use it yourself! Write it all over an article to be stuck in people's news aggregators for days! That will make people respect your mind and agency more than your body, and totally will not contribute to the problem!
Words have power, in case that was somehow not obvious!