Modern Love Redux: Readers Offer Their Own Honest Thoughts on Marriage

Murder, yes. Divorce, never. 25 years together, two apartments, one amazing kid, numerous jobs, friends, families. Illness, death, you name it. In the end, we have each other, we love each other and I'd marry him again. I'm glad we're still going strong. But oh, those fights...!

Not wanting to be locked into a potentially wrong decision, our wedding vow was "for the time ahead". Suggested by the minister who seemed to encourage our individual positions of keeping our options open ( given that we knew each other all of seven months ).
We have kept our options opened for 37 years and I still sometimes wonder what all the angst about marriage is supposed to be about. We surmise "the luck factor" is probably significant, though being in sync about politics, religion and family dynamics certainly helps.
That being said, duration of a marriage is hardly the standard that should be used for marriage "success" Each spouse has to answer individually as to the level of satisfaction within the marriage. Ultimately, whatever else you call it, its the relationship not "the institution" that counts.

Headed for thirty-one years, but the early years were wars over money or lack of money. Seems embarrassing now, and so shallow. If you just have to fight over something, pick something important.

I was married then divorced. That came as a shock to me since I thought we were on the same page. One child that never really knew her father. He left when she was 6 months old. My parents had a miserable marriage. My father left when I was 17 and fathered another child. Never saw the 3 he had already. But I still believe in it. Marriage is work and choosing wisely, not the party and the band. It can work, if you want it to. My daughter is married with her own child. I hope they make it, they seem to be on the same page and although they have their moments, it seems to be a sound union.

My late husband and I met in college... a small Methodist University in Texas where you had to be married or be a townie to live off campus. We were both on full scholarship and got engaged thinking and declaring aloud: "If we don't like it we'll get a divorce next year, OK? OK." We lasted 26 years till he died suddenly on August 21, 2000. Oh yeah and, if you don't have kids you can do anything you want. No regrets, and no new husband. Still have a mother-in-law.

I have always been surprised at the enormous amount of money that is spent on weddings.

The really big bucks should instead be reserved for couples who make it to their 30th wedding anniversary. These couples deserve the big catered party with all the trimmings followed by the two week vacation in Hawaii. They have earned it.

Newly weds deserve a lot of advice and a good set of dishes.

Dear RenoLady,

I too was given a piece of a plant, by my husband's stepmother. I am terrible with plants! Eight and a half years later (married 2.5), that plant is still growing. We got married late, so I don't know if we will see 55 but your vignette brought a tear to my eye! May we be so lucky!

My parents were married for 55 years, until my stepfather died two years ago. They never fought in front of me or in my hearing. They never treated each other with anything less than the utmost respect. They never said an unkind word about the other, or gave each other anything less than total emotional support. They had, from all appearances, this "perfect" marriage. The problem was that I thought that all marriages were supposed to be like that.

My husband and I have been married almost 33 years, and the best advice I received prior to my wedding was from an older attorney in my law firm, to wit: each of you must learn how to compromise, for there will never be a single issue at any point in the marriage that will be of equal imporatance to both of you. Thus, whenever the inevitable disagreements (plural!) come up, figure out to which one of you the outcome means the most, then let that person "win". If love means wanting what is best for the other person, then it will be (relatively) easy to go with the outcome that holds the most meaning. Winning for the sake of winning, or just to prove a point, or " because you can" is what leads to the breakup of the couple.

marriage should not be a recognized institution but since it is, every marriage license should have a prenup on the back and every year on your anniversary you must pay a fee or your marriage is annulled automatically.

Married for 30 years, and yes, there are times when we don't like each other. From the beginning there has always been a profound respect for the other person, in addition to the love. I always know my partner's intentions are good, and the failings (as I see them) are part of him. I must either accept them and find a place for them, or move on. And all of that is beyond the situational stresses: job loss, illness, the stress of children, alcohol, in-laws, jobs that requires 80% travel, houses, cars, banks, neighbors, etc.etc.etc.

We have also allowed each other tremendous freedom. At no time has either of us felt trapped, except by our mutual obligations, of course.

There are as many different relationships as there are relationships. It isn't for me to judge anyone's but my own, and what works for us won't work for someone else.

My parents, both college educated with good jobs, got divorced after 20 years of marriage. They have one son already divorced with a child and their youngest child struggles with alcohol and drug abuse. As for me, the oldest, I'm getting married in a few months and will do everything in my power not have my marriage or potential family turn out like theirs did.

32 years of a roller coaster marriage set a hard act to follow.

In the 6 years since he had the poor form to pass away, I find I have no desire to remarry. I had his dad with me (in the house) for another 5, so it's just recently I've discovered the joys of being on my own for the first time in my life. As much as it makes the kids frown, I am loving this new independence.

But that does not mean I would have skipped marriage all together if I knew then what I know now. Nope. Not at all. Marriage was hard work and well worth the effort. Truly. We were a team. We were a family. Imperfect, but unified. We still are.

I have to confess, though, I miss the man, not the institution.

http://wifelyperson.blogspot.com/

My husband said marriage is the "whole catastrophe." He passed away seven years ago and I am so grateful to have had the whole catastrophe together.

Being 85 years old, and having been married over 60 years, I believe that your headline may be an oxymoron: "modern love" and "marriage". But, of course, that is for each of us to decide...........