A Son Given Up for Adoption Is Found After Half a Century, and Then Lost Again

Adoption was geared to meet society’s financial goals. Before definitive paternity tests ensured support from both parents & when women’s salaries were a fraction of men’s, discouraging unwed moms from keeping babies & placing them in 2-parent homes reduced the # of insufficiently supported children on pubic assistance.

NY mandated eradication of an infant’s lineage to enhance their attractiveness to potential parents. NY courts repeatedly admonished adoptees to accept losing their true identities because it’s “inextricably intertwined with the Legislature’s broader sociological plan” - an idea which conjures objectives of totalitarian regimes, puritanical ideology & creating a perfect society via genealogical sanitization & forced compliance. The US Supreme Court often steps in when people’s rights are thwarted; why not here? While symbols of oppression like the Confederate battle flag are rejected, state oppression continues.

No one should go through life with one’s lineage obliterated to protect others’ interests. It’s an unfair burden on adoptees & their progeny. A child isn’t chattel to do with as one wishes. The practice of familial erasure is inhumane & inconsistent with a nation that protects people’s dignity & inherent rights. Given the wealth of evidence of the adverse psychological impact secrecy laws have on most adoptees, the “good cause” standard has been established on behalf of all adoptees: birth records should be provided upon request & without exception.

I am disturbed by terms such as "adoptive mother" or "adopted child", as well as the terms "mother" or father" referring to the biological parent(s). The people who raised the child are the mother and father. The child is a child, and should not be labeled "adopted child" as though s/he is somehow different than other children. Adoption describes the process, not the child or the parents.

This is not on any way to deny the possibility of knowledge of one's biological child's or parents' health, well being, etc, nor to preclude a meeting if desired by all parties. My point is, simply, that the parent/child relationship is between the parents who raised the child and the child they raised, and the terminology should reflect that.

This story brought tears to my eyes. It is so good that they were able to reunite and so sad to lose him so soon. We can all be thankful that for all the faults of modern society, it is not as heartless in the area of unwed parenthood and adoption.

This horrifying piece is lacking a crucial element--what is the explanation of the adoption agency for what appears to be despicable dishonesty and negligence?

People really should not adopt anymore because when you adopt you love that child no different than when it is your own biological child, and you give your all -all your love, heartache, money- no different than if it was your biological child. Then your're history, and it is so heartbreaking. You then die with an enormous hole in your heart that never closes again. It hurts so bad and you will die like that. I suggest building orphanages, then when the biological parents get themselves together they can go get their babies, and no one is left to hurt.

I'm happy to hear NY is considering changing the law, though I'll believe it when I see it. As it is, I will never know who my biological father was. I spent $2000 to find out that my mother died a decade after I started looking for her, and she took my father's name with her. That name is in my birth records - an adoption social worker is allowed to say that much, but not who he is. And he will never look, because my mother didn't tell him she's pregnant. BTW, I am one of many adoptees whose relationship with their adoptive parents improved after reunion. Nobody who's willing to be transparent with their own feelings loses.

You could tell that the author of the article was someone who had never grown up in New York when abortion was illegal.There was no mention of that very important fact. As a birth mother who voluntarily gave up her legal rights to her baby boy three days after his birth, I would rather do that any day than very possibly die at the hands of some "abortionist "that might do the job with a coat hanger!! I chose to place my boy with the Spence Chapin Agency in New York City and I have always been grateful for their kind, thorough, care that their
social workers provided. I was lucky, my parents supported me from early in my pregnancy and I always lived at home on Long Island--I was not ashamed--I was doing the right thing for my life(age 21) and giving my son the very best parents
who had been carefully screened by Spence Chapin's highly trained mental health professionals!!Spence Chapin even sent me a letter describing his parents in a way
that described them in appearance, education and vocation but not location of their home. There is no way for me to trace him because I do not have the money that would be necessary for a search but I am registered on the New York State Registry where adoptees who were adopted in New York State can find the names their birth mothers, like me. I am at peace and I know that my child was given the best possible gift--two parents who wanted him very much and could provide him with everything he needed --except his birth mom.

I am so moved by this story. It breaks my heart that so many people have been deprived of loving connections in their lives by idiotic bureaucracies and laws that have done nothing but try as hard as they could to punish unwed mothers. I am very very glad that Mr. Rosenberg was raised by loving parents and that he had the best life possible for him. What is rather amazing is that his adoptive father was a cantor and that the young Mr. Rosenberg was given direction toward a career that truly must have given voice to his talents. On that note, I checked out his sister, Cheri Rose Katz, on the internet and found that she is a truly talented mezzo-soprano with a rich, intense voice of rare quality. So Mrs. Katz has some comfort in knowing her children have pursued their talents, albeit unknown to each other. A gifted and apparently most wonderful family. This story had to be told so thank you, Gabrielle Glaser, and NY TIMES, for presenting this to your readers.

I'm so glad they found each other in the end. Very sad story.

What if the biological mother does not want to be found? I read of a case where the mother gave up the child of a rapist, and was horrified when the son searched for her and appeared on her doorstep 20 years later--looking just like his father. The reaction was not what he expected. Not good for either the child to know why he was originally and still was rejected and not good for the mother to be reminded of a horrific event. I think that those who give up a child for adoption who never want to hear from that child should be able to have their identities protected.

Terrific article. Well written. Glad the author knew the guy from years ago. With social media and the internet and DNA, now people can find their missing relatives. And hopefully all will end happily before they die.

Something doesn't add up she gave birth in 1961 and he died at age 71?

Deserting a newborn due to poverty, Giving up the child born before marriage and homicide of the child that is given illegal birth are the day today happenings in every country independent of its status is underdeveloped, developing or developed as per the per capita income, education or any other index of the economists of the current world.
How many rich -childless couple in this world are ready to adopt at least one child for the sake of giving a reasonable life to the deserted child ? The best solution to solve the problem is the implementation of "One Family ONE child " by the government and adoption of a deserted /orphan has to be executed through the government with a proper record for adoption.
The unseen emotional tug of war between the parent who gave birth to a child and the parents who adopted that child has to be made transparent or concealed - How to go about it? Still, it is an unanswered question .

A Realtor friend went in search of her biological parents whom, coincidentally, lived one town away. What she learned about her biological family made her happy she was 'given up' and raised by loving adoptive parents. She never looked back after that...

It kills me in all this that NO ONE cares about the adoptive parents who sacrificed and paid to raise a child as their own. No one cares that in most of these stories the adoptive parents are pushed aside and marginalized. Adoptive parents have to keep their mouths shut and smile no matter what because if they don't they are history and don't see their kids or grandkids.

The adoptees are excited to meet and establish a relationship with the bio parents but everyone forgets this comes at the expense of the adoptive parents. Adults only have so much time to spend with their parents and bio parent cuts that time in half if the adoptive parents are lucky.

NOTHING has done more to fuel the surrogate breeding business (which exploits poor women and taxpayers) than open adoptions and adoptive parents being abandoned for bio parents. Why would anyone open to the love of a child, spend their life savings and give their all for 20+ years to be dumped like yesterday's trash in favor of "we have the same nose"?

Luck was on my side when I searched for my birth parents way, way back in 1978. I too made the pilgrimage to the Main Library and perused the records, using the last 4 digits on my "long form" of my amended birth certificate which helpfully supplied the name of the small Manhattan hospital I'd been born in, a bureaucratic misstep opened wide the doors. Since then, I have enjoyed a 20 year friendship with my late birth father, vacationed with cousins, and regularly leave flowers at my wild South American grandmother's grave in Southampton. Two months ago, upon my adopted mother's death, I found documents which appeared to be the Dead Sea Scrolls: my adoption papers. A fictional woman-shaming narrative whose most egregious lie was calling me a Protestant Wasp -- the popular brand in those days. Oh brother. And those bloody original birth certificates are STILL locked up, while gays can marry and stop and frisk is outlawed? I'll retire to Bedlam.

The problem with archaic adoption laws is that they not only affect the biological parents and child, but also their descendants. My grandmother was born in PA in 1911 and even though her birth predates the oppressive laws put into effect in that state in the 1950's, I am still unable to retrieve a copy of her birth certificate until her 105th birthday.

Both my father and uncle had brain tumors and there are other health issues we have questions about. Grandma is still alive, and the younger brother she was adopted with lived to 95. We would like to know if their longevity was mirrored in other family members. An adoption that took place almost a hundred years ago leaves questions reverberating through generations.

I found a first cousin that my family never knew about through 23andme. He had been searching for his mother, my aunt, for 30 years. The adoption was sealed, and through pressure, diligence and a private investigator, he found some details that were correct. But it took a DNA test to connect us--and for the story to come forward. Unfortunately, she died four years before he found us, but she would have been very proud of him. I know she always loved him. He met his sister, my first cousin, for the first time several weeks ago, and they meshed quickly. It's a tragedy that we lost him, but his adoptive parents really loved him and gave him a beautiful life. We are terribly happy to have him back.

Blessings to you Ms. Katz and to your family. Your story and that of your son David brought me to tears. May he rest in peace.

My situation was a little different..my adoptive parents were a military family. All I knew about my birth mother was from documentation in 1949 to allow me to enter the US as a displaced person (mother was a Czech refugee in Austria at my birth). My new "family" was abusive, and when I was 21 I tried to locate my birth mother. Tracked her relocation to Germany in 1956. but met with brick walls beyond that date.

When I was 66, I received an email from German which I almost discarded...it came from a younger half-sister who, when my birth mom had passed away, had packed away all her belongings because they were too painful to go through. When she was emotionally stronger 5 years later, she found pictures and letters that referenced me by name as well as info about my adoptive parents.

Through her; I learned of my grandparents musical and artistic accomplishments, a genetic legacy that passed not only to me but my children; I saw pictures of my mom in her later years that could be pictures of me now; learned that I had an older half-brother who died from leukemia (the reason she gave me up for adoption).

While my sister and I have little in common and have not remained in touch, the pieces of my heritage somehow erased the feeling I always had of appearing out of thin air with no substance. The need for adopted children to know at some point in their lives where they came from is a strong and visceral spiritual need.

I'm struck by the deception and manipulative behavior of the government official who lied to this young mother, pressuring her to sign away her rights, and the further deceptions of the adoption agency responsible for communications with the son she was denied contact with, despite the medical importance of the information she wanted him to have. Seems like yet another instance of a system where opacity results in an absence of accountability that facilitates abuse -- with tragic costs to people's lives.

It's a beautiful story, nontheless, B'H.

Hopefully nothing like this will ever happen again. That our society realizes that the birth mother has rights and the social stigmas do not prevent the proper relationships to develop

I am so glad Ms. Katz and her son found each other, and wish his father had been included in this reunion. Every child has a natural right to know his/her bioparents whose union made his/her life possible. No woman should be pressured to abandon the child of her womb. And no man should be allowed to abandon the child he procreated with the mother. This is a feminist issue, because adoption mostly evolved as a means of protecting the family name, meaning the man's name, and protecting men from responsibility for the children born of their sexual activity. When I was married and pregnant, in 1969, my lawyer husband abandoned me and our family to have an affair with his new secretary. He got my obstetrician to urge me to sign over our baby to adoption because the father didn't want the baby, and I wouldn't be able to function as a single mom. I was humiliated and outraged; how dare they ask me to give up my precious child. I refused the pressure, and today my lovely daughter has given me two wonderful grandchildren, and has a master's degree and a good life. It was very tough going, especially financially, but we did it! Thank god we did not have to search for each other, and be deprived of loving relationship.

It's impossible not to mourn for their lost decades. But it's equally impossible not to rejoice at their reunion, which may have been cruelly brief but certainly seems to have been filled with as much love and remembrance as possible.

I don't doubt that there are other similarly wrenching stories out there. I hope, though, that the children who were separated from their biological roots were as loved and cherished by their adoptive families as David clearly was. He sounds like a well-blessed man with a life of which he could be proud - filled with the love of his adoptive family, the family formed with his wife, and the enduring love of the mother who gave him life.

This almost incredible story gives us hope that we will find our half-sister, Solfrid (Snooky) Larsen, who was about six years old when my parents gave her up for adoption in New York City in 1950...

Happy for the final re-union and closure between the mother and the son; sad that it's so fleeting. A beautiful touching story of love lost and found.

As an adoptee who is searching for birth parents, siblings, relatives, ethnic history or anything that would shed light on my heritage and background beyond myself I'm very pleased by Gabrielle Glaser's article "A Son Given Up for Adoption is Found and Lost Again" July 10, 2015, which helped to frame the adoption issue and provided some human context to the legal discrimination suffered by adoptees and birth parents in most U.S. states.
Recently a few similar stories describing reunions or near reunions have become commonplace, and that's good. But it shouldn't mask the fact that for the vast majority of adoptees and birth parents, and we're talking about 20 million people or more if you count adoptees, birth parents and siblings, reunions never take place. Instead secrecy prevails.
Maybe it's time for the Times or another publication to investigate why. A good place to start would be to focus on those who benefit from current law remaining in place.

Step parent adoptions are just as bad. When I learned my father had none of my DNA, everything in my life changed, and not for the better. My father's "real" children cut me from their lives. I never learned the name of my "sperm donor". As far as I am concerned, my father is the one who adopted me. However, now I have no family at all, and no medical history. This is passed on to my four children. How is this best for the child? I am glad there was a reunion in this story, even if short.

Thank you again New York Times for this informative story. There are many adopted children and their mother's wondering where they are, this gives them hope and the knowledge on how to find each other.

What pain, loss and anguish our phony Puritanical views have been wreaked upon us. How invasive & intrusive Ms. Katz story is very similar to Philomena,s , both perpetrated by "blind religion". Hopefully we have evolved to a more caring & compassionate people and stop trying to force our personal religious views on entire populations. Republican candidates take heed. How sad for Mother & Son that they had such a short time together and that he had so little time to meet his siblings.

Searches by adoptees and by biological parents may well not end as happily as this one. And yes, it is a happy ending, as the adoptee and the biological mother both had successful and happy lives, albeit cut short in the case of the son. (Side note: has anyone but me noticed that the focus is always the biological mother?)

Many biological mothers do not want to be found. Adoptees act as though their rights trump those of the biological mothers, but why should they? Opening records that were supposed to remain sealed forever violates the covenants that were made to the mothers (and, yes, the fathers) when they gave up their children for adoption.

I wonder whether the eagerness of adoptees to sacrifice the privacy commitments made to their genetic parents, and the willingness of society to accede to this, has anything to do with the fact that it is women's privacy rights that are likely to be taken away by government action.

Thank you.

Such a wonderful and hopeful story.

my mom was an american philomena. the repercussions from her giving her child away run long and deep in our family. mom was dying when she finally made phone contact with her oldest child. they never met. we found out much later that the legal adoption never took place. all of us siblings have 'issues' from this. such a sad legacy.

This is a terrible tragedy. My heart aches for you. I am happy you now have the truth and your newfound family. This truly is a very needed American film, for young women to realize how fortunate they are and for all adoptive children to look for their birthparents.

So, so sad. The wasted years.