Indeed! This issue is not about choice, and therefore one that should be democratically decided, as Justice Roberts appears to believe, it is about indelible human traits, and equality for all under the law.
16
Thank you sir.
9
You have just described my entire life in a nutshell. Brilliant.
12
The year was 1954. I was five years old. I remember like it was yesterday, I was playing with my trucks on the floor, in the middle of the living room. A neighbor was visiting my mom, and remember clearly the words spoken, off cuff, about the "queers liking to go to PTown (Provinctown), when the most awful feeling came over me, that they were talking about me. Cant explain why, at 5 years old, I would "get" that that awful word was a description of me. I'll never forget that happening to me sixty years ago.
This column had quiet an impact on me. Thank you Mr. Bruni for speaking up for all of us. Thank you Supreme Court for this decision for freedom.
This column had quiet an impact on me. Thank you Mr. Bruni for speaking up for all of us. Thank you Supreme Court for this decision for freedom.
26
What a gorgeous article. Thank you.
13
Simply, Amen.
8
I do not support gay marriage, but I thought this was a poignant and evocative article. That is, until you attacked those who disagree with your position as extremists. My beliefs are not extreme or hateful just because they are opposed to those held by you. And the enforcement of your mentality by mainstream and social media marks the death knell of free speech and freedom of religion in this country. Those who hold traditional beliefs are dubbed bigots, haters, and homophobic. Well, you no longer need to brandish such rhetoric. You won. Let the other 49% disagree in peace.
3
The road the country has taken has been momentous. One should remember that the Know Nothing Party was created in the 1850s to oppose the arrival of German Catholics in the country. There is still anti-Catholic sentiment as there is anti-Semiticism. Members of minorities have to press for improvement and live their lives despite bigotry that may never been eliminated.
15
Mozel Tov to everyone who can now enjoy the same happy marriage as my wife and I do. Also, sorry for all who can't blame their future lousy marriages on society. Welcome to my world. Let's all dance at their weddings:)
10
This is one of the most moving articles I've read.
21
Powerful and Profound. My husband and I wept at times. Growing up gay we watched so many "celebrated" events in the lives of heterosexual family and friends - first dates, first loves, marriage, children, etc. The notion of a life that was at best "tolerated" was depressing and soul crushing. As equal members of the human race we ALL deserve to feel celebrated.
27
If one considers the importance of the Kennedy swing vote and the ugly fact that the four dissents came from Catholics, then my life, and that of others, comes to mind.
First: it was not O.K. to be different. Next, at a professional level (teaching/government) it was O.K. to engage in official homophobia (in my case: from the 60's to the 90's).
Currently, several states lack laws against discrimination. So one of the current cynical jokes is "Get married on Sunday; lose your job on Monday."
But it's not funny.
First: it was not O.K. to be different. Next, at a professional level (teaching/government) it was O.K. to engage in official homophobia (in my case: from the 60's to the 90's).
Currently, several states lack laws against discrimination. So one of the current cynical jokes is "Get married on Sunday; lose your job on Monday."
But it's not funny.
12
I just saw an article in my local paper this morning. The bisoph of one archdiocese in NJ wrote a letter against the Supreme Court ruling, saying it would harm America's bedrock institutions. This bishop asked all the priests in his diocese to read the letter to the parishioners this weekend. His name is Arthur Seratelli.
What galls me is a religion that condemns homosexuality even when a subculture of homosexuality has existed within that religion for centuries. It's the same relgion that willfully hides pedophiles, after making promises over and over again not to do so.
You go, Frank Bruni! Girls, boys, men and women should not have to fear their natural sexual impulses to love people of the same gender. Love is love.
What galls me is a religion that condemns homosexuality even when a subculture of homosexuality has existed within that religion for centuries. It's the same relgion that willfully hides pedophiles, after making promises over and over again not to do so.
You go, Frank Bruni! Girls, boys, men and women should not have to fear their natural sexual impulses to love people of the same gender. Love is love.
34
I love you for this article, Frank.
There is no way anybody else could have captured the pain and angst in our lives better than this.
It is not about marriage. It was about holding our heads high.
Our worth to live as a human being.
And justice for a life time of pain, humiliation and discrimination.
Thank you Frank.
There is no way anybody else could have captured the pain and angst in our lives better than this.
It is not about marriage. It was about holding our heads high.
Our worth to live as a human being.
And justice for a life time of pain, humiliation and discrimination.
Thank you Frank.
22
Thank you Mr. Bruni. Wonderful piece. May we all celebrate the humanity of equality. It is so necessary for us to evolve and move forward. There is still so much to do.
10
Great article. Gay was never an option like many believe, but a part of a person like your personality and the color of your eyes. God is Love therefore Love is God. Equal Rights for All.
10
P.S. - I became a father seven years ago at age 52. Don't sell yourself short. It's what's keeping us both young.
8
Not sure I gave permission for you to write a column about my life, but when it is so beautifully written, how could I object?
That WAS me you were writing about, right?
Thank you. You have made my Sunday morning by writing so thoughtfully about your experiences.
That WAS me you were writing about, right?
Thank you. You have made my Sunday morning by writing so thoughtfully about your experiences.
20
I just want to say, thank you for all the men and women of today and many, many years past, the LGBT community, civil rights supporters, their family members and friends, for taking on this fight, one of very many fights in this almost it seems eternal battle, for all people to be recognized as equal in their humanity. Reading Frank Bruni's beautiful, heart-breaking, soul-aching column, makes me realize again and again, that the men and women are so brave, strong in character and thought, to shake off the shame that our often idiotic and cruel society puts on them, to step under a brutal spotlight and say "Enough. This is not right. This must change" and then advocate unrelentingly and courageously for change, . I also feel for those who have had to make the choice to remain in the shadows and hide to survive. You too are thanked and recognized as America, a beautiful, friendly and welcoming country, can be a very frightening place to live. Thank you, men and women, and SCOTUS, bringing us to this momentous day of change. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
14
Ah, Frank. The book I found was "I Have More Fun With You Than Anybody" by Lige Clark and Jack Nichols. And the chapter was "The Boy-Was-I-Drunk-Last-Night Syndrome." I fled Ohio for the Bay Area and have been "married" longer than the Israelis wandered in the dessert. It's nice, finally, to see The Promised Land.
19
Frank, thanks for the best Times Op-Ed I've ever read. If you don't get a Pulitizer for this one, my friend, there is no justice in the land!!!
18
Beautifully expressed!
10
And this, really, is what those who still have reservations, or who still judge gay people for what they erroneously believe are their "bad choices" do not understand. I am older than Frank Bruni, and so I was even older than he was when the society began to address the often unnoticed slurs and assumptions that caused even this child of liberal Jewish New York parents, educated among liberal friends, who never, by the way, believed that what he felt was wrong, still to be confused about how to integrate the way he felt with an actual lived adult life. That didn't really start to resolve until I moved to San Francisco (of course) in my '30's, and experienced what every gay person deserves to experience, the amazing feeling of living in a place where, when you met someone for the first time, they did not automatically assume you were "straight."
I have been married now to two husbands, having outlived one, and so I have been comfortable with the idea of "gay marriage" (and sure of my deserving of it) for 20 years now. Yet I am still not sure I believed until just recently, that we would get here. It feels like quite a vindication.
I have been married now to two husbands, having outlived one, and so I have been comfortable with the idea of "gay marriage" (and sure of my deserving of it) for 20 years now. Yet I am still not sure I believed until just recently, that we would get here. It feels like quite a vindication.
15
Wow. Well written Frank. I'm always interested to hear the point of view of people close to an issue or particular government policy to better understand its merits or consequences. You managed to do that here not only for yourself, but for others of different generations. In so doing, you have strengthened my support for what the Supreme Court has done.
8
With hugs, tears, and apologies from the wider community that it has taken too long. Delighted to be a small part of the change and thrilled to proclaim LOVE WINS
5
I'm weeping with joy.
4
It is a welcome ruling. Other nations who have yet to legalise even homosexuality,should wake up. In many nations,homosexuality is a crime,and police harass such people. The outdated laws in these nations should be abolished. If two persons of the same sex marry and decide to cohabit,what is the problem of a third person. One fails to understand.
4
Dear Frank: Once again you made me cry. Old, white, hetero me. The church I belong to is having a service of celebration this Tuesday to add our rejoicing to yours and to praise the god who has no preferences for or against her creation who spends himself in love to a broken and uncontrite humanity. I have a baptist friend who confessed to me yesterday that he is conflicted. I said: "Good for you!" Your innate sense of fairness and justice is being trumped by a narrow coercive view of the the good news. Conflict is an appropriate response. I hope justice and fairness wins in the end. We are all Under the Mercy.
5
As my wife's hairdresser (and friend) said to her yesterday, " it's about time, I'm 48 years old." That comment, followed by my reading of this beautiful article, really puts the triumph in perspective - to have been marginalized, and forced out of fear to deny the essence of their being as teenagers, then treated in a sub-human manner as adults is a weighty burden that straights should have a great deal of compassion for, despite their religious belief systems. And those systems are, frankly, man made systems that are designed to form a guide for a spiritual practice that fosters compassion, not hatred or fear.
In the civil vein, this decision was about worth and equality in a society that professes, at least on the surface, to value such. Regardless of the legal niceties (or not) that form the basis of the Court's ruling, further attempts to jeopardize or marginalize the justice that has been won for gays should be rejected in perpetuity. The spoutings of someone like Scalia, who would grant corporations the right to hijack our electoral process, but not grant the right of a citizen to live their life peacefully in this country as gay, should also be repudiated for what it is - hate.
In the civil vein, this decision was about worth and equality in a society that professes, at least on the surface, to value such. Regardless of the legal niceties (or not) that form the basis of the Court's ruling, further attempts to jeopardize or marginalize the justice that has been won for gays should be rejected in perpetuity. The spoutings of someone like Scalia, who would grant corporations the right to hijack our electoral process, but not grant the right of a citizen to live their life peacefully in this country as gay, should also be repudiated for what it is - hate.
22
The acceptance and acknowledgement of homosexuality by our government is a long overdue step. It will give impetus to acceptance and that is a good, good thing. It is another important step forward.
The 5-4 vote by SCOTUS indicates the stand of this decision in America. It follows the path being taken in the "Old South" regarding their cherished flag in the aftermath of the tragic killings in South Carolina. It is a good choice accepted but one that is still strongly challenged. That is the meaning of 5 - 4.
We live in a 5 - 4 country. We are trying to move forward against a tide of old emotions and breaking their grip is proving to be a difficult task. The strength of the Tea Party is part of the "4." It represents another barrier to work through.
What has been written is a step forward. Now thinking and beliefs need to change. That is the fight ahead.
The 5-4 vote by SCOTUS indicates the stand of this decision in America. It follows the path being taken in the "Old South" regarding their cherished flag in the aftermath of the tragic killings in South Carolina. It is a good choice accepted but one that is still strongly challenged. That is the meaning of 5 - 4.
We live in a 5 - 4 country. We are trying to move forward against a tide of old emotions and breaking their grip is proving to be a difficult task. The strength of the Tea Party is part of the "4." It represents another barrier to work through.
What has been written is a step forward. Now thinking and beliefs need to change. That is the fight ahead.
8
Just this past Wednesday a college student of mine in Texas came by my office for some advice on how to appeal one's property tax appraisal. I'm terrible with names, so when we got to the county appraisal web site I asked for his address rather than his name.
We pulled up the property and it was listed as "Multiple Owners." My wife and I each have our names listed jointly for the same homestead, Texas being a community property state. Upon looking at the property online, I saw that his appraisal was extraordinarily low, as in half what one would expect.
Perhaps in slight embarrassment, the student clarified his situation to me. He being from California, he explained that the other owner, the other half, was his husband. So here was Texas law in full bloom, denying both men their marital status and labeling their home as "multiple owners." This being Texas, I'm surprised that it didn't say "Gay People," like Nazis painting a yellow Star of David on storefronts.
How fundamentally discriminatory and blatantly wrong that was. Thank God the Supreme Court decision on Friday is going to be putting an end to this practice.
We pulled up the property and it was listed as "Multiple Owners." My wife and I each have our names listed jointly for the same homestead, Texas being a community property state. Upon looking at the property online, I saw that his appraisal was extraordinarily low, as in half what one would expect.
Perhaps in slight embarrassment, the student clarified his situation to me. He being from California, he explained that the other owner, the other half, was his husband. So here was Texas law in full bloom, denying both men their marital status and labeling their home as "multiple owners." This being Texas, I'm surprised that it didn't say "Gay People," like Nazis painting a yellow Star of David on storefronts.
How fundamentally discriminatory and blatantly wrong that was. Thank God the Supreme Court decision on Friday is going to be putting an end to this practice.
10
This story is my story.... I was that 12 year old (I was anxious and fearful about being gay back then) , that 16 year old (and yes, I snuck peeks at books in bookstores just like Mr. Bruni), that 30 year old (I wouldn't hold my partner's hand in public), and so forth. Despite having had the blessings of a loving family, supportive friends, and a wonderful partner of 39 years whom I married three years ago, the SCOTUS ruling affected me far more than I expected. I was there when it was announced, and as I sang the National Anthem with the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington, I started crying and couldn't stop. I finally felt like I belonged fully, and with cake, to America.
7
Very well written. Congratulations on your victory.
5
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for articulating so eloquently what many of us gay men of a certain age have experienced and endured and how significant this Supreme Court decision was in making us whole.
8
It doesn't change God's definition at all. You can call it what you want, but it isn't marriage--fraternity. yes, marriage--No. Every thinking person knows this has been about redefining what God called "Good" in the primeval garden. Truth, absolutes, and morality are not determined by a vote or justices or anyone else. You might as well try to defy the laws of gravity or ignore the laws of chemical properties--the result will be the same, it will just take longer in this instance.
2
Perhaps you can answer the question that every other "Christian" refuses to answer. Why aren't all of you this worked up over divorce? Indeed why are so many of these supposedly Christian people divorced themselves?
4
The Bible does not define marriage as only between one man and one woman, weatherhappens. The holy text features 'blessed' men with multiple wives. Rape victims are required to marry their rapists (Deuteronomy); Deuteronomy/Genesis/Ruth all require widows to marry their brothers-in-law (regardless of those men's marital status). And let's not forget Jesus urging his followers (in Matthew) to be celibate “for the kingdom”...
4
You totally said it.
Thank you. That IS what it's about...and I'm sad for all the hurt my 12, 16, 20, 35, 45, and 55 year old self had to go through, also.
Darn.
Thank you. That IS what it's about...and I'm sad for all the hurt my 12, 16, 20, 35, 45, and 55 year old self had to go through, also.
Darn.
4
OMG, I'm all f'klempt!!!
6
Thank you for a wonderful poignant column. I cried with joy at this ruling. My mom and her partner can now get married. I no longer have to worry that my brother's marriage will be dissolved and his husband deported, and my 13-year-old daughter, who just came out, can grow up feeling as normal as a teenager can feel. Thank you Justice Kennedy. Thank you.
7
Beautifully written piece, Mr. Bruni. Your story is mine and I thank you for walking down that painful path. I am a 55-year old gay woman raised in a strict catholic family and always felt less than my siblings. I've made my way with the help of my loving partner and her incredible family. The 12-year old today will know a better reality thanks to the SCOTUS decision on Friday.
20
Thank you. I was that boy. I am that man. Here's my response to Chief Justice Roberts, who asked, "Who do we think we are?" We are the United States of America. http://fourowls.blogspot.com/2015/06/rainbow-nation-supreme-court-recogn...
6
My story exactly ... except I started my coming out at age 39. I am thrilled about this ruling. I only wish I had been born 30 years later than I was. How much more fulfilled by youth and teenage years would have been. How much less stressful young adulthood. How much less dishonest as an adult. All those poor girls whose time I wasted. I wish I could do it all over again. Sigh!
5
Good for you, Frank!
Good for us all.
Good for us all.
6
Frank,
I was already tearful today before stumbling onto this piece. You spoke so very accurately about the experiences many of us lived through.
I'm a gay man that is in my mid 40s. I've been with my man (and soon to be husband) for 22 years. Today it dawned on both of us that we are finally full members of these United States. No more hiding ... No more lying ...no more fear.
I'm so thankful to be alive in this moment. To see so many people who identify as gay or lesbian come out of the shadows today (as individuals and couples) and feel safe in doing it is too much for words.
And so I close my response where I started ... In tearful joy.
Thank you for what you wrote.
I was already tearful today before stumbling onto this piece. You spoke so very accurately about the experiences many of us lived through.
I'm a gay man that is in my mid 40s. I've been with my man (and soon to be husband) for 22 years. Today it dawned on both of us that we are finally full members of these United States. No more hiding ... No more lying ...no more fear.
I'm so thankful to be alive in this moment. To see so many people who identify as gay or lesbian come out of the shadows today (as individuals and couples) and feel safe in doing it is too much for words.
And so I close my response where I started ... In tearful joy.
Thank you for what you wrote.
5
Frank, this is beautiful. Thank you for writing it--it hit me right in the heart.
5
I salute Frank Bruni. Fully, joyfully, and with cake.
6
Wonderfully affecting words. Thank you for them.
6
Antonin Scalia's bitter and mocking denouncement of his colleagues' decision is still shocking me after I read it. He is proof that bigotry and intolerance still reigns in many sectors in the United States. We should all be offended that one of our highest officials could insult all of us as he has done. Gay people and gay couples will never have worth in Scalia's eyes. Of course no one needs his approval for anything--except when he votes on the SCOTUS. His intolerance and lack of any grace is proof that the United States has a long way to go before the hopeful ideals of this column are realized.
13
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for this spectacular piece of writing. Words cannot begin to explain how you have enlightened my world.
Thank you!
Thank you!
5
The conclusions of this column echo my thoughts on this momentous decision. The Supreme Court has validated the worth of gay Americans by bringing them into the mainstream of marriage and the building of families. Kudos to SCOTUS and congratulations to the LGBT community.
10
I am that boy, that adolescent, that young man, that 50 year old. Now, happily married for the last three years. I travel for work and this past year I went through Texas, Georgia, Louisiana, Arkansas, Ohio and Michigan among other states. My marriage in the eyes of the law dissolved and reformed each time I crossed a border. As of Friday, that will never be true again. Well, once Mississippi and Louisiana (49th and 50th in the country for education incidentally) get their act together, or are forced to. But the comfort of being fully and legally married brings me is beyond measure. And not a single person was hurt in the process, despite the vitriol, doom-and-gloom, threats and contempt they hurled our way.
15
The boy you have described is me at that age, exactly. That is the experience that I, at least, went through...to a T. It was two decades before I could face that bigotry down. I did though, and I have been a much stronger man since, but at 65, the scars are there and I can vividly remember the taunts, (often officially supported by teachers and camp counselors) that I endured. The complete end of that kind of ridicule will be welcomed by me for the first generation which goes without ever knowing that such cruelty ever existed.
7
Catholic pro life is one of the most successful programs with 1.2 million sanctity of life babies born to single mothers who can't afford a pack of smokes ... but, now I find with Marriage between loving couples upheld by the US Supreme court, and Obamacare, many of these unwanted kids will find a care and loving home, with medical insurance that will once again help to create the family ... which was decimated by Pro Life. I might mention we have a Catholic Supreme court for the first time in America's history (five votes to uphold a law), six of nine justices Catholic ... and it was a Catholic court or vote that upheld these decisions.
6
To those who are "troubled by the reasoning of this majority" I would ask a couple of things.
First, does that mean you're as well troubled by the majority reasoning in Loving v. Virginia, for instance? Yes, that was a unanimous decision, but I think that may say less about those nine justices and more about Roberts, Thomas, Scalia and Alito.
And secondly, what would you say to the posters in this thread who are in their 60s and 70s? Sorry, it won't likely happen in your lifetime if you live below the Mason Dixon Line, but if it's any consolation, I think you should have the right to marry?
Justice delayed was indeed justice denied.
First, does that mean you're as well troubled by the majority reasoning in Loving v. Virginia, for instance? Yes, that was a unanimous decision, but I think that may say less about those nine justices and more about Roberts, Thomas, Scalia and Alito.
And secondly, what would you say to the posters in this thread who are in their 60s and 70s? Sorry, it won't likely happen in your lifetime if you live below the Mason Dixon Line, but if it's any consolation, I think you should have the right to marry?
Justice delayed was indeed justice denied.
15
Frank: I am of Italian heritage, born in Brooklyn. I saw a mention of your book entitled "Born Round", which brought back a saying from my Calabrian grandfather who came to the US in 1902, which I find to be so appropriate to your editorial......"Chi e' nato tondo, non muore quadrato!" To your non Italian speaking readers, it simply means: "who is born round, doesn't die square!" Truer words were never spoken.
7
I still do not understand what about being gay makes men (it is rarely women) so provocatively sexual in their behavior. Perhaps they are taking on attributes that I overlook (or am numb to) in women who seem to yearn sexual attention, but it has probably done a fair amount of damage to complete support of gays. That and the fact that a male:male sexual act is one of the most creatively pointless use of the principal body parts involved. Lesbians do not share either the burden of overt sexuality nor do they engage in "lovemaking" that is a significant contortion of normalcy.
Oh, now I know the defining "normal" is a cardinal sin in the 21st Century. So be it. Nothing is normal except those things forced down our throats by uncaring and stubborn people who live lives of self-edited shame. Okay, so be it too.
Let's all move on now. Gays can marry. And they should. We will have an opportunity to see whether monogamy fares better between two of the same gender, and that might be uplift or further weaken the marriage commitment overall.
Marriage, once it was well-intendedly offered a host of benefits from taxation to health care to guardianship to estate inheritance, went down a road where it was no longer part of an encouraged monogamy. It became another instrument of financial control. And, like the non-profit entities that begin innocuously benefitting from tax-free status, the original idea is altered.
The gays should marry. Let's see where it leads.
Oh, now I know the defining "normal" is a cardinal sin in the 21st Century. So be it. Nothing is normal except those things forced down our throats by uncaring and stubborn people who live lives of self-edited shame. Okay, so be it too.
Let's all move on now. Gays can marry. And they should. We will have an opportunity to see whether monogamy fares better between two of the same gender, and that might be uplift or further weaken the marriage commitment overall.
Marriage, once it was well-intendedly offered a host of benefits from taxation to health care to guardianship to estate inheritance, went down a road where it was no longer part of an encouraged monogamy. It became another instrument of financial control. And, like the non-profit entities that begin innocuously benefitting from tax-free status, the original idea is altered.
The gays should marry. Let's see where it leads.
2
Do you actually know any gay people? I don't recognize my friends and neighbors in your description.
1
Dude, give in. Ask a guy out in a date. You'll have the good old time your imagery says you desire, and you won't have to be all contorted like this.
2
@Robert
I have been on thousands of "dates" with men. I have never felt an urge to engage in sex with them. That does not mean I do not "love" men nor does it mean I am a closeted homosexual. Quite possibly it means that society has a diminished view of how many ways we can define love without attaching it to sexuality. The Greeks had four commonly-used terms for love. We have one.
Eros is the love of sexual attraction. It can be aimed at those of our gender, minor children, our offspring, relatives or (as we know from history) non-humans, in a pinch. Any one who is consenting (without physical, commercial or emotional coercion) so animals really are inappropriate.
Claiming that all of us secretly harbor homo-erotic fantasies, as I believe you have, is cute and, oh so, au courant.
Dude.
I have been on thousands of "dates" with men. I have never felt an urge to engage in sex with them. That does not mean I do not "love" men nor does it mean I am a closeted homosexual. Quite possibly it means that society has a diminished view of how many ways we can define love without attaching it to sexuality. The Greeks had four commonly-used terms for love. We have one.
Eros is the love of sexual attraction. It can be aimed at those of our gender, minor children, our offspring, relatives or (as we know from history) non-humans, in a pinch. Any one who is consenting (without physical, commercial or emotional coercion) so animals really are inappropriate.
Claiming that all of us secretly harbor homo-erotic fantasies, as I believe you have, is cute and, oh so, au courant.
Dude.
5
A truly meaningful and thoughtful column. Thank you, Mr. Bruni.
All of us should have been quicker to recognize the full and equal worth of our LGBT brother and sister citizens. Justice Kenned and the liberal quartet did every American of goodwill and principled patriotism proud with their ruling and decision.
All of us should have been quicker to recognize the full and equal worth of our LGBT brother and sister citizens. Justice Kenned and the liberal quartet did every American of goodwill and principled patriotism proud with their ruling and decision.
11
Mr. Bruni-thank you for knowing me, understanding me, and sharing me in this column.
9
From a lot of comments here, and including my own, you have told a story that fits so many of us. As a 78 year old gay guy, I first read about something called "homosexuality" when I saw the term used (in 1950) in a Coronet Magazine article titled "the New Moral Menace". This poor dumb 13 year old knew the names of various sex acts, but the meaning of this one eluded me at first. I learned only then how negatively our culture viewed mere intimacy between tow males or two females. We have all come a long way since then, I believe, but not without great suffering. Let's be glad of how far we've come, without bitterness, and with patience toward those who still condemn us..
13
Every once in awhile, but not often, something is written that manages to capture the emotions and humanity of a hard-fought, long-awaited historic event. This is one of those writings. It was my good fortune to have read it today. Thank you.
19
Thank you for poignantly capturing the experience of those of us of a certain age. I was surprised to feel so validated by the Supreme Court’s decision. I just ordered a rainbow flag to fly in my somewhat conservative suburban neighborhood where my wife and I don’t know a single other gay person. I can’t help but feel that younger people might not truly appreciate what this decision means the way that us older folks do. I never thought this would happen in my lifetime. As you say, we never even conceived of it. It’s still hard to believe.
Oddly, I find myself even more angry than usual at the homophobic attitudes of the dissenting opinions and conservative politicians, who seem to prioritize backward-looking religious beliefs over everything else. If marriage is a fundamental right, it’s a fundamental right. We don’t need to wait for the democratic process to take decades to recognize the reality of our relationships and families.
Oddly, I find myself even more angry than usual at the homophobic attitudes of the dissenting opinions and conservative politicians, who seem to prioritize backward-looking religious beliefs over everything else. If marriage is a fundamental right, it’s a fundamental right. We don’t need to wait for the democratic process to take decades to recognize the reality of our relationships and families.
14
As another commenter stated, "A poignant and meaningful column." Thanks, Frank.
11
Wow! Thanks, Frank. Beautifully and tenderly written. Thank you sincerely, Ann
11
It's a matter of worth and a matter of equal protection. Most of all, it's a matter of telling the states that, in the end, they just have to let people be. It's not for them to judge what's 'normal' in matters of the heart. People are people and no matter their sexual persuasion, you can't logically argue that letting them be what they are, and find love and caring relationships, actually hurts you - unless you are one of those who just feels they have a right to dictate to other how they would live their lives. And there is no place for that mentality in any country that could even remotely consider itself 'free'. The Supreme Court finally did right. I only wish it weren't such a close decision. The idea that politics should even intrude into the personal is frightening enough to me, not on account of sexual persuasion, but simply because I am a Jew of European background who lost dear ones to the forces of hate, bigotry and totalitarianism. Freedom, ultimately, is not a matter of choice, but of survival. Those who would condemn people due to their sexual persuasion are no better than those who would do so on account of skin colour, religion, disability, or nationality. It is all simply wrong. It's good to see that rare day when someone does right.
14
As a high school teacher in an extremely conservative area, in the South, I welcome this development with relief! My students cannot safely be open about their sexuality in my small school. Many fear their own families as well as classmates. Often I am asked to express my opinion about recent social equality developments and am careful about doing so. I don't enjoy getting hauled into the principal's office for warnings about keeping politics out of school...
Now, it is the law of the land. I am so relieved that I'll be able to clearly and loudly offer support to struggling students who need it, by stating my great respect and admiration for the wisdom of the Supreme Court of our Nation. Drag me into the principals office for that? I'll be calling the media!
Now, it is the law of the land. I am so relieved that I'll be able to clearly and loudly offer support to struggling students who need it, by stating my great respect and admiration for the wisdom of the Supreme Court of our Nation. Drag me into the principals office for that? I'll be calling the media!
32
Thanks, Frank. Even though I knew approximately how this would end, I was sobbing by the end. I've read your book Born Round and "remember" (vicariously) some of the incidents you describe... and I sit here with tears rolling down my face out of happiness for you, and all our brothers and sisters who received the message of inclusion yesterday.
With cake.
With cake.
11
This the most beautiful piece you've ever written.
18
I do so agree. goosebumps.
4
Tolerance is a dubious vice!
1
Thank you for this column--beautifully written. So proud and relieved that this decision was so positive. Thank you Justice Kennedy.
8
Thank you for describing the worth that the justices affirmed for us. I am 67 and lived through sometimes crippling anxiety because of not feeling as worthy as straight people. Now I am happy that young people can grow up feeling as free and optimistic as life is meant to be.
14
Congratulations.
Everyone!
Everyone!
4
Is it just a coincidence that on the day this judgement was delivered the President comes forth and sings Amazing Grace. This piece by Frank is quite a prose version of the timeless hymn.
14
Thanks for giving real-life context to yesterday's decision. It's all too easy to lose personal meaning in the debate over social causes and legal precedents. I recognized your 12-year old, your 16-year old, your 20-year old, and so on.
Yesterday's ruling was more than an incremental advance in the cause of gay rights - it was a landmark; a rupture, as you say. There will come a day when people look back at this landmark as nothing remarkable, just another step of progress in history's long arc bending toward justice.
But those of us who lived through it will always know how much blood was shed, how much pain was borne, how hard the struggle was, to get where we are.
politicsbyeccehomo.wordpress.com
Yesterday's ruling was more than an incremental advance in the cause of gay rights - it was a landmark; a rupture, as you say. There will come a day when people look back at this landmark as nothing remarkable, just another step of progress in history's long arc bending toward justice.
But those of us who lived through it will always know how much blood was shed, how much pain was borne, how hard the struggle was, to get where we are.
politicsbyeccehomo.wordpress.com
11
I think that a big majority of parents of young children have become very much aware that they cannot afford, psychologically, to make consistent and sole references to opposite sex possibilities for their children's dating futures. Of course I am aware that many fundamentalists (Christian, Jewish, Islamic...) will not do so. But those children will be exposed to all types of us gay people. So I don't think the 5-4 ruling reflects at all the adults in this country. Scalia and Thomas and Alito will oppose anything Obama favors, no matter whether those three have sound legal reasons for doing so. They are simply three angry straight men. And sometime they will be replaced (the sooner the better). Hey, with Scalia's large family, I suspect he'll have to deal with gayness, maybe a grandchild or two!
8
Before this decision my cousin just married her partner of
20 years. It was a grand tearful happy wedding.
20 years. It was a grand tearful happy wedding.
9
I have been crying tears of joy since the ruling. Our son is gay and he and his partner have always been a joyous part of our lives. Thank you for your your remembrances.
18
A wonderful piece, that much more powerful for its elegant simplicity.
7
Dear Mr. Bruni,
I am a white, straight, married woman, who has many gay friends and several friends with gay sons. I was there in our 20s when some of my friends came out and there in my 40s and 50s when my friends' sons (who we knew were gay when they were children) came out but never, until your column have I really understood the depth and the pathos of the realization of one's sexual identity, when it doesn't conform to the "norm".
Yours is the first New York Times op-ed to ever make me cry. Here's to no limits.
I am a white, straight, married woman, who has many gay friends and several friends with gay sons. I was there in our 20s when some of my friends came out and there in my 40s and 50s when my friends' sons (who we knew were gay when they were children) came out but never, until your column have I really understood the depth and the pathos of the realization of one's sexual identity, when it doesn't conform to the "norm".
Yours is the first New York Times op-ed to ever make me cry. Here's to no limits.
82
My, my.
Reading this column is like looking in a time-machine mirror. The match isn't absolutely perfect—my horrified insight into my nature didn't happen until I was turning thirteen, and there was no event in my life quite like Mr Bruni's 20-year-old self.
But thanks to a sane ruling by a sequence of federal judges, and the fact that we live in Oregon, I and my partner of some 34 years were able to tie the knot about a year ago, surrounded by tearfully happy family and neighbors.
With cake.
Reading this column is like looking in a time-machine mirror. The match isn't absolutely perfect—my horrified insight into my nature didn't happen until I was turning thirteen, and there was no event in my life quite like Mr Bruni's 20-year-old self.
But thanks to a sane ruling by a sequence of federal judges, and the fact that we live in Oregon, I and my partner of some 34 years were able to tie the knot about a year ago, surrounded by tearfully happy family and neighbors.
With cake.
43
Reading your article, I was moved to tears by your revelations of the unspeakable humiliations you experienced growing up. I remember only too vividly, in London in the sixties, being friends with a gay couple who lived in mortal dread of being discovered, because it was a criminal act on those days. Bigotry and prejudice are the cancers of our time but it is heartening to see the tide of ignorance ebbing as the tide of humanity flows in with ever increasing power. I am deeply encouraged by the inexorable triumph of humanity over stupidity in a mere 50 years. I applaud your steadfast stand on fighting against systemic evil and want to endorse how this defines the profound purpose of your life.
43
Thank you for this beautiful column. I could picture you at each age and was very moved. You reinforce my belief that it isn't a choice. .
7
I applaud the Supreme Court decisions on both Obamacare and on the gay marriage issue.
That said, I'll write a short paragraph on why I think the gay marriage decision is the correct way to go. And I hope it stays without all the creative exemptions that may challenge it. Equal protection of citizens (defined as those born or naturalized in the U.S. (shorteniing it down) seems to me to be a civil right already guaranteed by the Constitution, even if some people don't think so. The Congressional Research Service explains it this way on their website:
Amendment XIV
Section 1.
"All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."
That seems clear language. Born here? Naturalized here? Citizen.
And - "no state shall make or enforce any law whish shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the U.S....nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." That's clear, as are the words of Justice Kennedy's reasoning. It's time we all read and respect them.
That said, I'll write a short paragraph on why I think the gay marriage decision is the correct way to go. And I hope it stays without all the creative exemptions that may challenge it. Equal protection of citizens (defined as those born or naturalized in the U.S. (shorteniing it down) seems to me to be a civil right already guaranteed by the Constitution, even if some people don't think so. The Congressional Research Service explains it this way on their website:
Amendment XIV
Section 1.
"All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."
That seems clear language. Born here? Naturalized here? Citizen.
And - "no state shall make or enforce any law whish shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the U.S....nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." That's clear, as are the words of Justice Kennedy's reasoning. It's time we all read and respect them.
4
Great column!
"...but they're undaunted, unabashed,and too often indulged.". It seems that the more judgmental religious types are the more they suffer self inflicted wounds. However, they must not be indulged at all. The price of liberty is vigilance!
"...but they're undaunted, unabashed,and too often indulged.". It seems that the more judgmental religious types are the more they suffer self inflicted wounds. However, they must not be indulged at all. The price of liberty is vigilance!
3
Not to throw cold water on a historic outcome, but it nonetheless is extremely troubling to me that something that is so obviously the right thing to do came down to a 5 to 4 ruling.
The inalienable rights of people should not have to be found in or between the lines of "the constitution", they are much more obvious than that, even though we always strain so to find them in this "holy" document.
Thankfully, those rights that should accrue to all humans were finally recognized yesterday, albeit in a typically imperfect, all too human way.
Mr. Bruni, congratulations on a great column.
The inalienable rights of people should not have to be found in or between the lines of "the constitution", they are much more obvious than that, even though we always strain so to find them in this "holy" document.
Thankfully, those rights that should accrue to all humans were finally recognized yesterday, albeit in a typically imperfect, all too human way.
Mr. Bruni, congratulations on a great column.
11
The definition of normality is always in the hands of those who control the dictionary, so to speak. Whether it be intelligence, or creativity, or in this case marriage, when I hear the word normality used in by a pundit or a member of a political class, I always ask myself, who is benefits from this definition and then to the essential question, who authored the definition. Societal dictionaries are filled with asymmetrical relationships between who benefits and who defines --- those is power get to define what is normal. The Supreme Court this week, which I believe is their role, authored a symmetrical relationship between who benefits and who defines---all citizens now define what constitutes a marriage.
4
A heartfelt thank you from the mother of a gay son.
8
Frank, this piece was masterfully written and, by the last paragraphs, brought me to tears...thinking about my own life (close to yours) and the changes that have just happened. Honestly, I will miss some of those nostalgic aspects of feeling special and separate, but it's a small price to pay for the sweeping acknowledgement that took place yesterday that will permanently and positively alter being gay/coming out, Thanks for always sharing real.
4
I cried for the 12 and 16 year old and celebrate with the 50 year old. It's time - overtime. It happened only because brave people, like Frank Bruni, came out as public figures making it safer for others to come out as well. And people saw that some of their neighbors and co-workers and relatives were gay and lesbian and then it was personal for all of us that these good people have equality in our society. Thank-you for showing us all the way.
7
The Bible was obviously wrong about gays. How does the Church explain away the passages about homosexuality. I have been asking my preacher (who is pro gay marriage) but he never answers.
What is the explanation?
What is the explanation?
2
The bible is a bunch of stories, nothing more, nothing less.
4
Do you feel the same way about other (almost universally) disregarded passages--on diet, and dress, and heterosexual sexual activities, and not judging other people? The Bible is not a handbook of laws to save you the trouble of thinking; it is guide and a tool for thought.
4
Amen! Or should I have just said "right on!"
1
What a powerful, cinematic and poignant piece of writing this is! As I read it my own life progression was flashing before me. Congratulations, Frank Bruni, on this masterpiece. Even greater Congratulations to everyone whose pride, dignity, and equality has been reaffirmed this week.
7
This ruling starts a new history of mankind - finally human race may overcome the control of nature in her search for destiny. So long, the predominant hormone patterns controlled our emotions and life. Now, our emotions and life can be controlled by our passion, inquisitiveness and intelligence. Many great persons of human history did not surrender themselves to force of nature and separated sex from their callings and great things happened in the world. This ruling opened that opportunity - only bonding we need to progress is "love" a human evolutionary traits and not the natures chemical macromolecules. The preservation of human race is not the prime force in life.
2
It should have been 9-0, not 5-4. That time is coming, but I fear that it will not be in my lifetime. Society changes, but far too slowly. Thank you, Frank.
11
Thank you, Frank. This one made me cry.
7
So, lesbians and gay men can be married in all 50 states, but in 29 states they may lose their jobs. There is no federal law that consistently protects LGBT individuals from employment discrimination. The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) would provide basic protections against workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. ENDA is yet to be introduced in the 114th Congress.
13
I am a salesperson at a high end, gorgeous event venue in Atlanta and I meet with many brides, grooms and their families every single day. They are flush with happiness and excitement when they talk about their wedding dreams. I see couples look at each other with sparkling eyes, and clutch hands; I've seen mothers start to cry when they walk into our ballrooms, imaging how their daughters will look in their wedding dresses. Fathers leave urgent messages to please call them to check availability for certain dates. Marriage, even the IDEA of marriage and the wedding day, is an experience that every person has the right to have. Not only does it bind two people together; it deepens and enriches bonds between families. Denying the right to a person just because the way he or she loves is absolutely wrong. I left work yesterday a little after 7 PM, after seeing our Friday event's gorgeous bride prepare to walk down the aisle to her handsome and dashing groom, and as I drove him, I drove past a festive, happy crowd waving both American and rainbow flags, celebrating in a very human way, the right to love and be loved. What a day!
22
It's all about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, equally, by all of us. This is what the marriage equality and ACA decisions have in common. Marriage is happiness and liberty, while ACA is literally saving lives (so is marriage equality, if it stops even 1 teen suicide). Extend kids' coverage under parents up to 30, then extend Medicare down to 50, and finally Medicare for all. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, first requires health.
4
It was nice to have a "jaw dropping" moment today. Not the usual kind filled with disbelief and horror but one of wonderment and surprise,
7
I say congratulations to the gay community. I wish it happened before the harrowing AIDS crisis where partners were kept from one another in their last days.
I am concerned, though, for your community and wish you safety. There are apparently so many people in this country (and this world for that matter) that need to focus their own hate on others. We have seen this when Obama was elected (number of gun sales went up), how disrespectfully he has been treated with no one actually calling them out for it. We just saw another massacre in SC. The tide is turning quickly on the obvious racist. I just hope that this victory doesn't bring out some ideological nut job to place their hate toward the gay community.
It was the right decision.
I am concerned, though, for your community and wish you safety. There are apparently so many people in this country (and this world for that matter) that need to focus their own hate on others. We have seen this when Obama was elected (number of gun sales went up), how disrespectfully he has been treated with no one actually calling them out for it. We just saw another massacre in SC. The tide is turning quickly on the obvious racist. I just hope that this victory doesn't bring out some ideological nut job to place their hate toward the gay community.
It was the right decision.
2
The SC didn't mandate that people like you.
We would do well to instill confidence in children, not shame and regulate the world into making it impossible for us to have to face challenges.
We would do well to instill confidence in children, not shame and regulate the world into making it impossible for us to have to face challenges.
Most of your column talks about acceptance by the heterosexual community. Unfortunately just because the supreme court has made it the law of the land that gay people can marry, that will not change what some heterosexuals think or feel about it. Many will react by working even harder to suppress the rights of gay people.
Look at the plight of the African American community.
However, if the gay community feels better about themselves that is a very positive thing.
Look at the plight of the African American community.
However, if the gay community feels better about themselves that is a very positive thing.
1
The 12 year-old marked a calendar and prayed every day for God to take "it" away.
The 16 year-old was quiet and worried as others whispered about the high school drama teacher, who staged a fake engagement to a beauty contestant.
The 30 year-old, having moved across country to the big city, begins to undo the voice of the small-town psychiatrist who said he'd "never be happy," and if he were to act on those feelings it would be "a sin," and that all he needed was "Jesus to enter [his] heart."
The 45 year-old visits his partner's parents in a New Jersey suburb, and while walking from the mall, hears a carload of young men on the turnpike scream derisive comments about the scarf he is wearing.
The 50 year-old, after thirty years of therapy, stills the vigilant voice in his head which warns of the dangers of exposure/disclosure in public.
The 61 year-old wakes early, marveling at the day ahead, and all that he needn't carry anymore.
The 16 year-old was quiet and worried as others whispered about the high school drama teacher, who staged a fake engagement to a beauty contestant.
The 30 year-old, having moved across country to the big city, begins to undo the voice of the small-town psychiatrist who said he'd "never be happy," and if he were to act on those feelings it would be "a sin," and that all he needed was "Jesus to enter [his] heart."
The 45 year-old visits his partner's parents in a New Jersey suburb, and while walking from the mall, hears a carload of young men on the turnpike scream derisive comments about the scarf he is wearing.
The 50 year-old, after thirty years of therapy, stills the vigilant voice in his head which warns of the dangers of exposure/disclosure in public.
The 61 year-old wakes early, marveling at the day ahead, and all that he needn't carry anymore.
35
James, your sentiments are shared by this 70 year old. There is a new sense of acceptance and peace--even for those of us who are not partnered or interested in marriage for ourselves.
2
Joyous for you, James.
1
This is one of the times that reminds us why the US constitutional system is one of the most enlightened social construct in human history. The founders of our nation would not have foreseen, and probably would not have approved, the inclusion of gay and lesbians into equal protection. However, the wise founders of our nation intentionally formulated the Constitution as a "living" document that their children can interpret and amend as our society evolves. Today, the powerful Constitutional process finally allow our national to welcome our gay brothers and sisters equally into our midst to form a more perfect union. I am happy that the next generation will not felt again the same alienation expressed so eloquently by Mr. Bruni.
5
Dear Mr Bruni,
I want to thank you for your columns.
My husband and I celebrated the Supreme Court decision; but being in MA we could and did marry 10 years ago.
I am a father, 2 kids, and now a grandfather. And my grandkids (2!) call me Grandpa and my husband "Pepe" )he is French-Canadian).
Best,
d
I want to thank you for your columns.
My husband and I celebrated the Supreme Court decision; but being in MA we could and did marry 10 years ago.
I am a father, 2 kids, and now a grandfather. And my grandkids (2!) call me Grandpa and my husband "Pepe" )he is French-Canadian).
Best,
d
15
Another farsighted victory for the Clintons:
-for Bill who, as POTUS, signed the Marriage Act, which stated the only marriage being that between a man and a woman.
-for Hillary who only recently made a one eighty on its approval ( well, at least, this is less surprising of her old attitude).
And look, they are both Democrats! Imagine if they were ( and they are not? ) Republicans..
-for Bill who, as POTUS, signed the Marriage Act, which stated the only marriage being that between a man and a woman.
-for Hillary who only recently made a one eighty on its approval ( well, at least, this is less surprising of her old attitude).
And look, they are both Democrats! Imagine if they were ( and they are not? ) Republicans..
The joy I feel for my gay son is tempered when I look at the struggles people of color still have to endure even though the Supreme Court decided they should have equal rights 50 and 60 years ago. I'm so proud of the outstanding man he has turned out to be, but I've always feared that his life would be difficult simply because of who he is. Hopefully it just got a little bit easier. We must realize that this is just one step in a very long journey which is far from over.
11
Mental health enshrined in law at last, heart and self one. Whew. Hurrah. Poetry back in many lives. Now can we move on to get women's healthcare back on track with access to care a private and scientific medical matter. Oh, and the migratory birds protected. Be progressive, it matters for the living.
7
Thank you for this Frank Bruni. When I read the news, and I still am reading it 7 hrs later, I weep for my friends who died in the 1980s, yet I cry in a happy-sad way. Their Outness created this decision and they should be proud. I am proud to be from the USA since I don't remember how long.
I have been trying to write the memories of the young Geoff and Richard Murphy (who may still be alive) and Jonnie and Ernie for now a lot of years, wonderful lives who could have been saved. Don't know how many readers remember the vilification of people who got That disease. Midieval craziness .But it took over the USA.
Thanks Mr. Bruni.
I have been trying to write the memories of the young Geoff and Richard Murphy (who may still be alive) and Jonnie and Ernie for now a lot of years, wonderful lives who could have been saved. Don't know how many readers remember the vilification of people who got That disease. Midieval craziness .But it took over the USA.
Thanks Mr. Bruni.
14
And for 4 of these 5 human "judges" there's shame, hatefulness, and ugliness of soul that will follow them all their days-- through all their lives and into eternity. These are pitiable men indeed.
7
What an excellent article. The wind of equality and justice has blown across the whole of America. Now, it is hoped that there will be change in some other parts of the world where criminalization of homosexuality still exists (never mind marriage).
4
My joy today is that for today's 12 year olds, and 16 year olds, while there are still are many good reasons to be circumspect (Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal et al) the nation is beginning to understand that there are possibilities for ALL. There is no "Less than" in equality.
8
Those who are being discriminated against are people who believe in traditional values. They are ridiculed and shouted down if they do not agree with a minority view. They are not given a chance to voice their opinions because they are browbeaten and bullied. Those of us who hold conservative views will not be deterred and we will continue to speak out against the things we feel are necessary to maintain a healthy society.
Not all of us were happy with yesterday's decision on same sex marriage and will continue to voice our objections. We do not think it is good for the family especially children. They want and deserve parents of the opposite sex. We will see how this all plays out in the near future.
Not all of us were happy with yesterday's decision on same sex marriage and will continue to voice our objections. We do not think it is good for the family especially children. They want and deserve parents of the opposite sex. We will see how this all plays out in the near future.
2
You can say anything you want but hate speech and bigotry have consequences. Grow up and take responsibility for your actions.
If you're so concerned about children, adopt one of the beaten and/or abandoned child of the many straight couples out there who neglect and abuse their children.
If you're so concerned about children, adopt one of the beaten and/or abandoned child of the many straight couples out there who neglect and abuse their children.
9
Lesbian and gay people have been having children for a long time, through a variety of means. It's great for children of gay parents that their parents can now get married.
But you don't really care about what's best for children, at least not all children. Nor do you care about the well being of all families, just the ones that look exactly like yours.
By the way, a majority of the American people do support the right to same-sex marriage. You are now in the minority. Thank God!
But you don't really care about what's best for children, at least not all children. Nor do you care about the well being of all families, just the ones that look exactly like yours.
By the way, a majority of the American people do support the right to same-sex marriage. You are now in the minority. Thank God!
6
If you check the polls, KMW, you'll find that it's far from a 'minority view'.
p.
p.
5
@disqus, and anyone else who sees this as an attack on your religion:
No one hates you or your son. I do not disrespect you. I respect your right to hold different beliefs. The Supreme Court-- and I and all my friends-- affirm your religion's right to hold different beliefs. Your religion is free to hold whatever beliefs you do about marriage, and only perform wedding ceremonies when the couple meets your criteria.
It's just that now your beliefs don't get to decide whether a same-sex couple can marry in a civil wedding ceremony, or in a religious ceremony in a denomination that accepts it. Your beliefs don't get to decide this intimate, powerful, precious, private part of their life.
The Catholic Church will not marry couples who have divorced and having a living ex-spouse. In the mid 20th century, they would not marry a couple who said they did not intend to have children. They would not marry a couple who didn't promise to raise their children Catholic. That was their right.
But no one disputed the right of those couples to marry elsewhere, and to have the marriage recognized in all of civil society. And no one seemed to have a problem with that.
THAT's what we're talking about here. Please look carefully in your heart before you assume this is an attack on your religion. It's not. It's our society acknowledging that religious law and civil law can differ. It's a big reason many immigrants came here. It's a big reason this country is great. And today's a great day.
No one hates you or your son. I do not disrespect you. I respect your right to hold different beliefs. The Supreme Court-- and I and all my friends-- affirm your religion's right to hold different beliefs. Your religion is free to hold whatever beliefs you do about marriage, and only perform wedding ceremonies when the couple meets your criteria.
It's just that now your beliefs don't get to decide whether a same-sex couple can marry in a civil wedding ceremony, or in a religious ceremony in a denomination that accepts it. Your beliefs don't get to decide this intimate, powerful, precious, private part of their life.
The Catholic Church will not marry couples who have divorced and having a living ex-spouse. In the mid 20th century, they would not marry a couple who said they did not intend to have children. They would not marry a couple who didn't promise to raise their children Catholic. That was their right.
But no one disputed the right of those couples to marry elsewhere, and to have the marriage recognized in all of civil society. And no one seemed to have a problem with that.
THAT's what we're talking about here. Please look carefully in your heart before you assume this is an attack on your religion. It's not. It's our society acknowledging that religious law and civil law can differ. It's a big reason many immigrants came here. It's a big reason this country is great. And today's a great day.
180
DM - Well said! It isn't surprising that there are already rumblings from the Right, about "religious persecution"!
4
DM, what an excellent response.
3
Sometimes history's greatest developments are the result of words rather than actions. Justice Kennedy's eloquent opinion and Mr. Bruni's beautiful column mark such a development. Once in a while, the good guys actually win.
8
This is a wonderful column, poignant and reflective. Congratulations on your victory, and blessings on your life and loves. Thank you for all you have done to bring to light the deep humanity of all our brothers and sisters.
6
This is why I read every column you write. Congratulations!
4
You have made one serious mistake, The Supreme Court protects rights and enforces equality. It does not have the power to tell anyone that they are normal and that they belong. That power belongs to the people. Murderers can marry and so can sexual offenders. The profoundly disabled can marry and so can the seriously mentally ill. The Supreme Court has extended the right of marriage to gays because they obviously have the right to it under the Constitution. Being treated as normal and being accepted is much harder work and, in those pursuits, everyone is on their own.
3
I'd disagree with you. People's perceptions of themselves are often affected by how others view or treat them. The Supreme Court decision may make thinking, kind people who were opposed to it question or at least temper their own beliefs. Also for those of us that do support LGBT folks, we can make them feel welcome (they're not on their own)-- e.g. I ask about my LGBT acquaintance's families as much as I ask about my heterosexual counterparts' families; they show me their boring vacation pics in the same way as their heterosexual counterparts.
1
I am sorry that anyone has ever been discriminated against.
Be it because of orientation, lack of good looks, impediments,
low income, ethnic background, lack of education...
However, the Constitution is not for us to make of it as we
simply see fit. It is the bonding and binding document of our society.
The Constitution was violated today by those who believe that the
14th Amendment over-rides the rights of the citizens of the Sovereign
States to work out in their own time and manner the issue before the Court.
As such the legitimacy of the ruling will be disputed for years when it need
not have been.
The lack of faith in the basic decency of the American People by the
Elites is astounding and will one day bring ruin to this country when the
Common Folk will no longer follow the unconstitutional rulings of the
Elitist Supreme Court.
Be it because of orientation, lack of good looks, impediments,
low income, ethnic background, lack of education...
However, the Constitution is not for us to make of it as we
simply see fit. It is the bonding and binding document of our society.
The Constitution was violated today by those who believe that the
14th Amendment over-rides the rights of the citizens of the Sovereign
States to work out in their own time and manner the issue before the Court.
As such the legitimacy of the ruling will be disputed for years when it need
not have been.
The lack of faith in the basic decency of the American People by the
Elites is astounding and will one day bring ruin to this country when the
Common Folk will no longer follow the unconstitutional rulings of the
Elitist Supreme Court.
Some of those "elitists" were appointed by Republicans.
You keep talking about the constitution but you don't seem to have read it.
You keep talking about the constitution but you don't seem to have read it.
4
I beg to differ. Civil rights should not ever be up to a vote. That's why we have a Constitution.
And if you think they should be, when do I get to vote on your rights?
And if you think they should be, when do I get to vote on your rights?
4
The 14th amendment is the equal protection clause which completely negates a states "right" to discriminate against it's citizens
4
Thank you for your beautiful words, Frank. As I read, the faces of people I've known over the years kept popping up in my mind, not only with sadness for what they have had to endure, but also with love and appreciation for the beauty, kindness and fairness that they always kept in their lives. The ruling was way overdue. It couldn't have happened to nicer people!
8
Marriage based on sodomy and marriage based on procreative heterosex are not the same and they will never be the same. Nature and History tell us so. The law can pretend they are equal. But a union based on sodomy is not marriage and it doesn't matter what the law has decreed.
Equal rights for homosexual couples could have been guaranteed by creating a class of legal partnerships that guaranteed the same benefits and rights accorded in marriage. There was no need to change a millennia-old definition of a word that precisely defines how the culture perpetuates itself in a civilized manner.
Furthermore, the idea that a 12 year-old is capable of defining himself sexually for a lifetime based on longings that are entirely new to him is ridiculous.
Equal rights for homosexual couples could have been guaranteed by creating a class of legal partnerships that guaranteed the same benefits and rights accorded in marriage. There was no need to change a millennia-old definition of a word that precisely defines how the culture perpetuates itself in a civilized manner.
Furthermore, the idea that a 12 year-old is capable of defining himself sexually for a lifetime based on longings that are entirely new to him is ridiculous.
1
I'm a 51 year old gay man, and my experiences mirrored Mr. Bruni's pretty closely down the line. Furthermore, the experience of being different when you are gay is not just about sexual longings. It is obvious to me from a very young age that I was different from most of the boys around me in some way, long before I had any sexual feelings. But pardon me, as a straight person, you obviously know much more about what it's like to be gay than Mr. Bruni or I do.
Furthermore, marriage is a human invention. It's whatever we all agree it is.
As for your proposal on equal rights, that would still leave gay and lesbian people as second-class citizens. And, in places where that was tried, hateful right-wing people still tried to shoot it down, because it was too close to marriage for them.
Oh, and since you brought it up, my marriage to my husband is not based on sodomy, it's based on love.
Furthermore, marriage is a human invention. It's whatever we all agree it is.
As for your proposal on equal rights, that would still leave gay and lesbian people as second-class citizens. And, in places where that was tried, hateful right-wing people still tried to shoot it down, because it was too close to marriage for them.
Oh, and since you brought it up, my marriage to my husband is not based on sodomy, it's based on love.
7
It's not about the sex, DougalE, although people like you seem inordinately fixed on it.
It's about the love.
p.
It's about the love.
p.
3
"Marriage based on sodomy and marriage based on procreative heterosex [sic] are not the same and they will never be the same."
Your comments are uninformed. Marriage based on procreation are not the sum total of heterosexual marriages. Should infertile straight couples or those who are unable to carry an infant to term be bared from marriage? Actually, in one example, history tells us that Henry the Vlll would have a good laugh at your ideas. Heretic that he was.
I personally know several gay and lesbian couples that have found ways to procreate (I'm not talking about adoption) so that at least one is a "natural" parent. Oh, perhaps you reject adoptive parents as well?
Furthermore, that many 12 or 13 year old boys (especially) are perfectly able to define their longings and define their sexuality is perfectly true. It was so for me.
Your comments are uninformed. Marriage based on procreation are not the sum total of heterosexual marriages. Should infertile straight couples or those who are unable to carry an infant to term be bared from marriage? Actually, in one example, history tells us that Henry the Vlll would have a good laugh at your ideas. Heretic that he was.
I personally know several gay and lesbian couples that have found ways to procreate (I'm not talking about adoption) so that at least one is a "natural" parent. Oh, perhaps you reject adoptive parents as well?
Furthermore, that many 12 or 13 year old boys (especially) are perfectly able to define their longings and define their sexuality is perfectly true. It was so for me.
3
Beautifully written.
Wow - what a week. I'm actually really proud to be an American right now. There is hope!
Wow - what a week. I'm actually really proud to be an American right now. There is hope!
6
This decision brought tears to my eyes and they were not tears of joy. What next is on the agenda? I shudder to think what it will be. This is a sad day for America.
1
What's next is making sure that people can't be fired or denied housing because of their sexual orientation.
3
Though I say it myself, KMW, there are an awful lot of things in this world which are far more important than my sex life - which is none of your business anyway.
p.
p.
2
A nice story, full of emotion and feeling, but devoid of substance. Just because you "feel" something, that is no reason to upend society.
This entire exercise is about homosexuals finding "normalcy". But they are not normal. I do not mean to connect being abnormal with being somehow inferior or evil or any such, I merely mean what the word says, not of the group that is "normal". Also, of a group that is a small minority (3 - 4 percent, honestly).
The people in this group look in their mirrors and see difference. They do not like being different. It makes no never mind that the society allows them to meet, live together, share their lives and all, just like every one else. They don't "feel" like every one else, as your column describes. So, how do they change this. Marriage is one way.
But, the mathematics are clear: A # B, A + B # A + A or B + B. And nothing can change that.
So, the next step. All who see the reality and live like reality is real will be marginalized. Religions will be threatened. People will be fined and maybe even put in jail. The entire culture will be upended just so some abnormal people can pretend that they are normal.
That is the damage that has and will occur.
This entire exercise is about homosexuals finding "normalcy". But they are not normal. I do not mean to connect being abnormal with being somehow inferior or evil or any such, I merely mean what the word says, not of the group that is "normal". Also, of a group that is a small minority (3 - 4 percent, honestly).
The people in this group look in their mirrors and see difference. They do not like being different. It makes no never mind that the society allows them to meet, live together, share their lives and all, just like every one else. They don't "feel" like every one else, as your column describes. So, how do they change this. Marriage is one way.
But, the mathematics are clear: A # B, A + B # A + A or B + B. And nothing can change that.
So, the next step. All who see the reality and live like reality is real will be marginalized. Religions will be threatened. People will be fined and maybe even put in jail. The entire culture will be upended just so some abnormal people can pretend that they are normal.
That is the damage that has and will occur.
1
Willong writes: "All who see the reality and live like reality is real will be marginalized. Religions will be threatened."
Religions see the reality and live like the reality is real? Do tell. Religions do many wonderful things for their believers, but "seeing the reality" doesn't strike me as one of them....
Religions see the reality and live like the reality is real? Do tell. Religions do many wonderful things for their believers, but "seeing the reality" doesn't strike me as one of them....
6
Utter nonsense. Where do you get your news?
Upend society? Normalcy? Homosexuals are a normal 5-6% of societies around the world. I have found normalcy by being myself - gay. I am married to my love of 39 years, but a search for normalcy has nothing to do with it, as you seem to think. It's love (and yes, sexuality. I think I hear a shudder.) I am who I am.
In our country, with a brilliant 18th century constitution, we are under an obligation to extend life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (or the opportunity for such) to all who qualify.
You will not be marginalized. You may be confronted by individual citizens or even your nieces or nephews. Your stories of people put in jail are not true. In a few states with public accommodation laws one or two people have lost lawsuits.
Upend society? Normalcy? Homosexuals are a normal 5-6% of societies around the world. I have found normalcy by being myself - gay. I am married to my love of 39 years, but a search for normalcy has nothing to do with it, as you seem to think. It's love (and yes, sexuality. I think I hear a shudder.) I am who I am.
In our country, with a brilliant 18th century constitution, we are under an obligation to extend life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (or the opportunity for such) to all who qualify.
You will not be marginalized. You may be confronted by individual citizens or even your nieces or nephews. Your stories of people put in jail are not true. In a few states with public accommodation laws one or two people have lost lawsuits.
2
In Canada, the commission on residential schools and the criminal treatment of Native children and their families has just ended. The perpetrators: government and the all too willing religious groups who carried out their despicable agenda of genocide-racial, spiritual, and social. As a Catholic, I see no threat to religion from those who wish to create a legal and spiritual bond between them. Rather, the biggest threat comes from inside these organizations and perhaps this is where believers of all faiths should direct their gaze.
15
"Fully, joyously, and with cake." I read the piece you wrote, nodding, agreeing, seeing the human side you showed us so clearly, but when I got to that last line, the tears fell.
6
It’s true that the ruling announced Friday will afford some cover for that future 12-year-old, 16-year-old, 20-year-old, 30-year-old and 45-year-old; but it spoke more to fairness and justice than it did to an enhanced sense of worth.
Creating in law an equivalency of worth lies before us yet. Imposing on the states a right for gays and lesbians to marry is not a trivial thing, but it’s not the same as equality in all things for gays and lesbians. Another case and ruling is anticipated next year that may take that process to the next level.
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker apparently has offered that we need a constitutional amendment to obtain some protected status for marriage, to define it forever as the union between one man and one woman. Frankly, I agree on the means but not on the target. I don’t think we’ll begin to remove the stigma that so bedeviled that 16-year-old in the bookshop without a constitutional amendment, not to create a new protected “class”, but to re-word our guarantees of rights accruing by law to ALL human beings, irrespective of ANY secondary status.
When we have that, we can talk seriously about equal “worth”.
Creating in law an equivalency of worth lies before us yet. Imposing on the states a right for gays and lesbians to marry is not a trivial thing, but it’s not the same as equality in all things for gays and lesbians. Another case and ruling is anticipated next year that may take that process to the next level.
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker apparently has offered that we need a constitutional amendment to obtain some protected status for marriage, to define it forever as the union between one man and one woman. Frankly, I agree on the means but not on the target. I don’t think we’ll begin to remove the stigma that so bedeviled that 16-year-old in the bookshop without a constitutional amendment, not to create a new protected “class”, but to re-word our guarantees of rights accruing by law to ALL human beings, irrespective of ANY secondary status.
When we have that, we can talk seriously about equal “worth”.
1
This is nicely stated. So why do you continue to support politicians that demonize gay people?
DR:
I haven't heard Jeb Bush "demonize" gay people. He just has a view on the nature of "marriage" with which I disagree. I don't know that I've EVER supported a politician with whom I've agreed on EVERYTHING. Have you?
Politics is not a one-issue game, certainly not in a representative society as diverse as ours. Heck, I even agree with the Hillster on SOME things (although it's hard to figure which, sometimes, since she's so cagey about what she DOES really believe).
Unless the "DR" stands for "Dominican Republic", you should avail yourself of the authority that accrues to the title and prescribe yourself something calming.
I haven't heard Jeb Bush "demonize" gay people. He just has a view on the nature of "marriage" with which I disagree. I don't know that I've EVER supported a politician with whom I've agreed on EVERYTHING. Have you?
Politics is not a one-issue game, certainly not in a representative society as diverse as ours. Heck, I even agree with the Hillster on SOME things (although it's hard to figure which, sometimes, since she's so cagey about what she DOES really believe).
Unless the "DR" stands for "Dominican Republic", you should avail yourself of the authority that accrues to the title and prescribe yourself something calming.
Beautiful. Poignant. Well said.
5
I feel a sense of something profoundly good having happened today for all Americans. In that spirit of bonhomie I was happy to see Mr. Bruni's article. Reading it just took things to a whole different level on the topic of gay equality. It makes me question the long standing, like for millennia long standing, cultural prejudice against same sex intimate relationships and how the prejudice and discrimination got started in the first place. Perhaps it was some religiously dictated taboo. Whatever it was, it is inspirational for me to know that we humans, at least sometimes, have the capacity to fundamentally alter the way we look at things for the better. A great day indeed.
7
Beautifully written. Your piece helps us all understand the lonely road that growing up gay can require; however, now maybe it will be a happier road for many. Thank goddess!
7
Tears of JOY - a very happy day for Americans!!!!
that's all there is to it.
that's all there is to it.
6
Frank, there's kindness and validation in what you write today and beauty in your style. Importantly, you care about the 12 year old boy, an age when what he feels isn't shared and adults have difficulty breaking thorough. I wish many 12 year old boys like this one could read what you wrote. They live in a private, lonely world which you describe so well. Thanks. Your writing consistently elevates the Times.
5
My god Frank self pity does not a pultizer make. And since you opened the legal door let me speak for another gay lad or in this case lass. This will be brief because she neither thinks nor feels anything because she does not exsist. Mind you she did but her parents found out early on she would be gay so she did measure up and now she's gone. This is happening now, as in today. A mutation responsible for a condition resulting in malformed genatalia and a very high incidence of homosexuality is now being treated and/or de selected (parents choice). Think about it as you celebrate, what does this decesion mean to her? Does it strengthen the hand of those that defend her rights? Those who are most vocal about their friendship are so seldom truet.
"....and they of his own house shall become his foes"
matt 10:36
"....and they of his own house shall become his foes"
matt 10:36
1
This is the best editorial I've seen today about the Supreme Court's decision.
The line "He is someone to be tolerated" really drives home the point in a way that I'd never really thought about, but is so eye-opening that I can't believe I haven't. I've always seen tolerance as the key to harmony in society...and it is...but maybe, for sure in this case, it is the very bare minimum; something that will suffice only if you just can't do any better.
I can honestly say I've never only "tolerated" gays. I've never seen any reason to not see them as just like me. And I don't deserve any credit for that...it's the least I can do, because they are just like me. They love, they play the field, they experiment, some want to stay single, some want to find that one forever partner to marry, some fail in their commitments, and some don't...just like the rest of us. They are "us".
June 26, 2015!
The line "He is someone to be tolerated" really drives home the point in a way that I'd never really thought about, but is so eye-opening that I can't believe I haven't. I've always seen tolerance as the key to harmony in society...and it is...but maybe, for sure in this case, it is the very bare minimum; something that will suffice only if you just can't do any better.
I can honestly say I've never only "tolerated" gays. I've never seen any reason to not see them as just like me. And I don't deserve any credit for that...it's the least I can do, because they are just like me. They love, they play the field, they experiment, some want to stay single, some want to find that one forever partner to marry, some fail in their commitments, and some don't...just like the rest of us. They are "us".
June 26, 2015!
6
May as well get rid of the idea of states. The federal government is all powerful and states rights are gone.This was a decision against state rights. Don't look to the SCOTUS to protect you.This is now the feel good court not a court of law based on the COnstitution. Roberts essentially admitted it with the gay rights decision and he made the feel good decision with the Obamacare decision. It was a nice country while it lasted. But the liberals, progressive Democrats have ruined it for now.
People said that about slavery, segregation etc.
States don't have the right to treat some Americans as second class citizens.
States don't have the right to treat some Americans as second class citizens.
3
Frank, Cheers to you for your beautiful column. Congratulations.
I have hope for our country.
I have hope for our country.
5
Wow! Very moving indeed. Thanks for this.
Now, someone really can say, without lying, or praying against current national trends that wishes will come true, that, "It *really does* get better! Honestly!"
How cool is this? So many lonely Gay kids just learned: You have something to live for. It's a Great Day!
Now, someone really can say, without lying, or praying against current national trends that wishes will come true, that, "It *really does* get better! Honestly!"
How cool is this? So many lonely Gay kids just learned: You have something to live for. It's a Great Day!
5
The Supreme Court may say they are normal, but the hard irreducible truth is that they are not. No matter how much we ritualize it, integrate it, pretend, it still remains that homosexuality is nature's aberration, a purposeless innovation, an abstraction without a substrate.
People speak of love, as if it floats in a void, separable from the material world we evolved in. Love is nothing more than an abstraction itself. Divorced from its material grounding, it is meaningless.
No matter what government certifications can be granted, it still remains what it is: a behavioral anomaly, the product of fetal maldevelopment.
People speak of love, as if it floats in a void, separable from the material world we evolved in. Love is nothing more than an abstraction itself. Divorced from its material grounding, it is meaningless.
No matter what government certifications can be granted, it still remains what it is: a behavioral anomaly, the product of fetal maldevelopment.
1
I'm left handed. For a long time people like me were considered abnormal and in some cases evil or unnatural.
Get over yourself.
Get over yourself.
4
Buggeryboo writes: "Homosexuality is nature's aberration, a purposeless innovation.."
Suggest you study yourself some science. The current understanding is that homosexuality helps propagate family genetics---children who have gay uncles and aunts apparently survive and thrive better than those that don't, thus furthering the gay person's "family genes".
Homosexuality is therefore a positive adaptation.
So current scientific thinking would hold that your view is, technically speaking, dead wrong.
Suggest you study yourself some science. The current understanding is that homosexuality helps propagate family genetics---children who have gay uncles and aunts apparently survive and thrive better than those that don't, thus furthering the gay person's "family genes".
Homosexuality is therefore a positive adaptation.
So current scientific thinking would hold that your view is, technically speaking, dead wrong.
3
Thank you for the tears that flowed as you reminded all of us of our common humanity.
Thank you for your personal testimony to the hateful "otherness" human society lays poised to inflict upon each innocent borne into this world.
So let us speak also for the unbridled joy and pride of promise felt by those who choose to parent such innocents, and the aching pain they endure trying to shepherd them in their quest to make sense of the world and their place in it.
And let us rejoice that, for both parent and child, in a country that claims to celebrate the dignity of each individual, one more disqualifying "accident" of birth has been deemed not merely "tolerable," but "normative."
We still have a ways to go before the birthright of such dignity is realized for all, but with so many fists pounding on the door, one day the door will open and everyone will be welcomed inside.
Thank you for your personal testimony to the hateful "otherness" human society lays poised to inflict upon each innocent borne into this world.
So let us speak also for the unbridled joy and pride of promise felt by those who choose to parent such innocents, and the aching pain they endure trying to shepherd them in their quest to make sense of the world and their place in it.
And let us rejoice that, for both parent and child, in a country that claims to celebrate the dignity of each individual, one more disqualifying "accident" of birth has been deemed not merely "tolerable," but "normative."
We still have a ways to go before the birthright of such dignity is realized for all, but with so many fists pounding on the door, one day the door will open and everyone will be welcomed inside.
5
A lucid and compelling articulation of why this change is necessary. Frank: congratulations on such an illuminating and positive article.
7
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for your honesty and eloquence. I wish everyone could read this. I'm straight myself, but ever since I became aware that I have family and friends who are gay, the cause for justice and equality for them became my cause too. They are not only "normal" but much loved.
8
As a straight man with many gay friends, may I way that this one of your most beautifully written and poignant columns. And, I am a fan of yours, but this is fabulous. Thanks for putting the personal spin on an issue where most of the conversation has been about the public policy issues. But really, as you point out, the point is that this is where the public and private interests intersect. Again, beautiful. Thank you for making my Friday afternoon.
5
I've always appreciated good writing. This particular column, on this particular day, is great writing. The twelve year old boy in me - still there - related immediately. Well done Frank Bruni!
6
Thank you for sharing your story Mr. Bruni. Many of your commenters reported tears. I cried a bucket yesterday when I watched a documentary on Anthony Corbett Sullivan and Richard Frank, holders of the first same-sex marriage certificate recorded in the USA, dated April 21, 1975, in Boulder, CO. If readers don't know their story, Anthony, an Australian, and Richard, an American, lived in fear of separation because Richard's petition for spousal residency rights for Anthony was officially denied in a letter that included the word "faggots." Deportation to another country also disallowing same sex unions wouldn't work. They shared a commitment. The couple was embraced by Richard's large extended family and lived warmly connected to its multi-generational members. They were united until Richard's death in 2012. I watched their years unfold in the film, saw them handle their fears and choose to act with courage. They defined marriage for viewers.
Today the highest court finally got it right. Dignity, joy, peace to all, with cake.
Today the highest court finally got it right. Dignity, joy, peace to all, with cake.
9
This decision creates a slippery slop for the future. The Supreme Court took an issue that should have been decided in Congress and basically created law. The possibility now exists that the legislative branch will be weakened if this continues
Mr Bruni has written many columns on this subject and his passion is unmatched. I don't think I have ever seen anyone address an issue so fervently and for so long
My issue is why does Equal Protection under the law does extend to Christians. If it did I would be free to express an opinion without fear of being attacked.
It's too bad Frank does not care about my right to practice my faith in the way he expects me to accept his position. The only position allowed is his
Christians care as deeply about faith and practicing it as Bruni does with this
Finally, Christians are accused of being intolerant. We're not, we just disagree and use the Bible as our guide. You just refuse to accept us. I'd say many of you are intolerant of us. Until that changes there will be conflict Christians such as myself will fight to defend the tenets of our faith Too bad Bruni rerfuses accept that
Mr Bruni has written many columns on this subject and his passion is unmatched. I don't think I have ever seen anyone address an issue so fervently and for so long
My issue is why does Equal Protection under the law does extend to Christians. If it did I would be free to express an opinion without fear of being attacked.
It's too bad Frank does not care about my right to practice my faith in the way he expects me to accept his position. The only position allowed is his
Christians care as deeply about faith and practicing it as Bruni does with this
Finally, Christians are accused of being intolerant. We're not, we just disagree and use the Bible as our guide. You just refuse to accept us. I'd say many of you are intolerant of us. Until that changes there will be conflict Christians such as myself will fight to defend the tenets of our faith Too bad Bruni rerfuses accept that
1
No - the Supreme Court took a law and asserted it included all.
3
You can express anything you want but you have to deal with the consequences. If someone attacks you physically you have legal recourse, assault is against the law.
What you seem to want is the ability to spout hate speech and have everyone applaud you for it. If that's what you're looking for go to Fox News.
What you seem to want is the ability to spout hate speech and have everyone applaud you for it. If that's what you're looking for go to Fox News.
9
What a silly comment. You do have the right to practice your faith; you just don't have the right to force it on others, or to be free from criticism over it.
Obviously the Supreme Court ruling cannot force you to accept the validity of my marriage or to be happy about it. But you can't stop it from happening either, nor can you refuse to serve me in your restaurant, bakery or flower shop because you don't like me.
Cracks me up to see how delicate you Christians are in the face of the tiniest amount of criticism. If you had to endure anything close to what the average gay person does in their lifetime, you'd completely collapse.
By the way, one of the best moments in my life was when I was able to finally accept once and for all that there is no God and Christianity is a bunch of nonsense. You can change too if you really want to.
Obviously the Supreme Court ruling cannot force you to accept the validity of my marriage or to be happy about it. But you can't stop it from happening either, nor can you refuse to serve me in your restaurant, bakery or flower shop because you don't like me.
Cracks me up to see how delicate you Christians are in the face of the tiniest amount of criticism. If you had to endure anything close to what the average gay person does in their lifetime, you'd completely collapse.
By the way, one of the best moments in my life was when I was able to finally accept once and for all that there is no God and Christianity is a bunch of nonsense. You can change too if you really want to.
7
It was a pleasure to read your column today. It was uplifting and made me proud that in an era when the higher national road is not always taken, at least today the Supreme Court got it right.
5
I am a 67 year old man who coincidentally knew that *very same* 12 year old boy, and incidentally a 16 year old as well, who went to the Encyclopedia Britannica in his local library and found nothing but sadness and fear. Then a 20 year old student who tried to fit in and NOT open up to his family, and after much struggle a 27 year old man who lived in a city and by some miracle meets the love of his life at his work place (one look deep into his eyes and I am floating above the sidewalk like H. Higgins in "My Dear Lady." And I'm really not into musicals...) And then that 27 year old found a way to tell his parents without saying anything explicit by bringing his love home to meet them as "a friend." (They "got it.")
After nearly nearly 39 years (including 6 years of marriage in MA) and I am now sitting at the computer, waiting for him to return from work. We have lived through the traumatic loss of my brother, our parents, a cousin who was like a sister, and a nephew. We have been richer and poorer. We are still in love.
After nearly nearly 39 years (including 6 years of marriage in MA) and I am now sitting at the computer, waiting for him to return from work. We have lived through the traumatic loss of my brother, our parents, a cousin who was like a sister, and a nephew. We have been richer and poorer. We are still in love.
136
Loved reading this response!
I'm all for those who love each other, no matter their gender or the love. I'm all for the union of those who love each other. I'm opposed to any restraints on or ridicule of those who love each other.
But, in truth, a marriage this union of gays is not. I'm fine with calling it a "wedding", a commitment, a bonding, a pledge. But a marriage is between a man and a woman. Sorry, that word, marriage, is taken.
When words no longer mean anything among us, we have to rely on a Court of judges to tell us what they think they mean, never mind what they were intended to mean.
As the Constitution provides, let the states rule on matters like this. Or pass an Amendment to the Constitution. But, don't leave issues as important as this is to four judges being Politically Correct and Progressively Liberal.
But, in truth, a marriage this union of gays is not. I'm fine with calling it a "wedding", a commitment, a bonding, a pledge. But a marriage is between a man and a woman. Sorry, that word, marriage, is taken.
When words no longer mean anything among us, we have to rely on a Court of judges to tell us what they think they mean, never mind what they were intended to mean.
As the Constitution provides, let the states rule on matters like this. Or pass an Amendment to the Constitution. But, don't leave issues as important as this is to four judges being Politically Correct and Progressively Liberal.
2
You need to read some history, particularly the history of marriage. Finish it off with the history of the U.S. and the constitution.
Bottom line, your feelings or definitions don't matter. Marriage equality is now the law of the land.
Bottom line, your feelings or definitions don't matter. Marriage equality is now the law of the land.
4
It was five judges, not four. Hooray for the Supremes!
2
Long ago, at the age of 16, I had the good fortune of getting a valentine from Jimmy, a gay classmate at a school that was not at all kind to gay teens. Perhaps he was interested in me romantically, perhaps he just wanted to thank me for being kind to him. The reason doesn't matter, really. What matters is that he had to courage to send the valentine and I had the pleasure of receiving it.
I learned something from it. I learned that someone trusted me. I learned that I could be the object of affection that could not be reciprocated, without feeling threatened. I learned that my anxiety over sending a girl a valentine must pale in comparison to his. I learned that being gay was not so odd or frightening, just another way of being.
I'm thankful for all the leaders of the gay rights movement, but I'm more thankful for Jimmy. He wasn't a hero, just true to himself in ways that very few teens are. I think the biggest reasons for the sweeping changes in public opinion about LGBT matters are all people like Jimmy, who live openly, and by doing so, show the rest of us that gay love is just as rich and meaningful as hetero love.
Jimmy, wherever you are, thanks!
I learned something from it. I learned that someone trusted me. I learned that I could be the object of affection that could not be reciprocated, without feeling threatened. I learned that my anxiety over sending a girl a valentine must pale in comparison to his. I learned that being gay was not so odd or frightening, just another way of being.
I'm thankful for all the leaders of the gay rights movement, but I'm more thankful for Jimmy. He wasn't a hero, just true to himself in ways that very few teens are. I think the biggest reasons for the sweeping changes in public opinion about LGBT matters are all people like Jimmy, who live openly, and by doing so, show the rest of us that gay love is just as rich and meaningful as hetero love.
Jimmy, wherever you are, thanks!
121
The essay, and this comment, both wonderful to read.
My goodness, but my eyes sure have been well watered recently.
My goodness, but my eyes sure have been well watered recently.
3
Beautifully said. Thank you.
I'm 35, and I've been pleasantly astonished to see the changes happening just within my lifetime.
I grew up in the '90s, and went to a performing arts high school where a significant percentage of the student body was LGBT. It was considered a safe haven in a school system where physical violence and bullying against gay and lesbian classmates was commonplace. Even within that relatively supportive bubble, it was very hard for a number of my friends to come out to their family and friends and live openly as their true selves. Today, a number of those friends are legally married and have families.
When I talk with younger people-- my cousins, my friends' children, and so on-- it's so heartening to see how loving and accepting they are in so many ways. The notion of equality is a no-brainer to them. I sincerely hope that the country keeps moving in this direction, and that life becomes less difficult and dangerous (and more loving) for everybody.
I'm 35, and I've been pleasantly astonished to see the changes happening just within my lifetime.
I grew up in the '90s, and went to a performing arts high school where a significant percentage of the student body was LGBT. It was considered a safe haven in a school system where physical violence and bullying against gay and lesbian classmates was commonplace. Even within that relatively supportive bubble, it was very hard for a number of my friends to come out to their family and friends and live openly as their true selves. Today, a number of those friends are legally married and have families.
When I talk with younger people-- my cousins, my friends' children, and so on-- it's so heartening to see how loving and accepting they are in so many ways. The notion of equality is a no-brainer to them. I sincerely hope that the country keeps moving in this direction, and that life becomes less difficult and dangerous (and more loving) for everybody.
43
I was in NYC four years ago when the NY Assembly passed the same sex marriage law. It was a Friday and I could hear celebrations all night from my Times Square hotel.
It was WONDERFUL! I’m heterosexual with homosexual friends and colleagues--people who had to hide who they were until they knew you well enough to trust you with their “secret.” Then I would say “That’s it? That’s your secret?” This column showed me what it took for them to trust me enough to tell me.
That next morning in NY I took a walk up to Central Park then walked back down Fifth Avenue...Most everything was closed...and I walked up to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. A lapsed Catholic who had gone to Catholic school K-12. I didn’t go in...just smiled and continued my walk back to Times Square.
I stopped in a deli for coffee, a danish and the NY Times. I was right behind two gay men--smiling, laughing! I said to them “Hey, I just walked by St. Patrick’s Cathedral and it was still intact!” They looked at this 60 y/o woman, at each other..then we all hugged and laughed...and laughed!
The next day was the Pride parade but I had to fly home.
Sure wish I was back in NY tonight!
It was WONDERFUL! I’m heterosexual with homosexual friends and colleagues--people who had to hide who they were until they knew you well enough to trust you with their “secret.” Then I would say “That’s it? That’s your secret?” This column showed me what it took for them to trust me enough to tell me.
That next morning in NY I took a walk up to Central Park then walked back down Fifth Avenue...Most everything was closed...and I walked up to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. A lapsed Catholic who had gone to Catholic school K-12. I didn’t go in...just smiled and continued my walk back to Times Square.
I stopped in a deli for coffee, a danish and the NY Times. I was right behind two gay men--smiling, laughing! I said to them “Hey, I just walked by St. Patrick’s Cathedral and it was still intact!” They looked at this 60 y/o woman, at each other..then we all hugged and laughed...and laughed!
The next day was the Pride parade but I had to fly home.
Sure wish I was back in NY tonight!
7
Thank you! I too, am all those boys.
7
Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing on this momentous day. I only wish my beloved brother could have lived long enough to have seen this finally happen.
4
Frank: Thank you for a wonderful, from the heart, special piece. You have nailed what it must feel at all stages and you go a long way to helping people understand what it feels like. I commend you.
Blessings on you and your partner.
EW
Blessings on you and your partner.
EW
5
Thank you for this brilliant piece. I am a 52-year-old gay man and shared it with my two older sisters. I told them I had never encountered a description of experiences and feelings that so closely resembled my own, and that I hoped it might help them understand their brother a little more. And even more, the piece explained why the Supreme Court decision was so valuable even to those of us who may never marry.
7
It brought tears to my eyes - I am 12 years older than Frank, but that is so much my story. Thank you!
7
Mr Bruni writes a confected piece about all the intolerance his characters suffered growing up, but his conclusion is that he is now intolerant of everybody who is not ecstatic about the 5-4 ruling. Does having marriage rights now mean that you can now disdain everyone who does not agree with you? I am sorry Mr Bruni but I cannot turn my emotions on or off like a switch, anymore than your 12-yr old could turn off his feelings for other boys. The fact that I have a different conception of marriage should not make me a pariah to be ridiculed as somehow being out of touch. My own feelings about marriage are just as genuine as a gay man or woman's feelings about marriage. They may be out of fashion but I do not rely on the Supreme Court to tell me how to think. While you and your friends are enjoying cake there is no need for me to eat humble pie. Respect is a 2-way street Mr Bruni.
2
Projecting much? There is nothing in Mr. Bruni's column that expresses any disdain for those who do not agree with him.
3
No one is telling you that it's wrong to think homosexuality is a sin. If you do, drive on. However, this ruling means that you cannot impose your belief on anyone else and deny people who love each other the right to marry and have a family. No one is forcing you to marry someone of your own gender. We only ask that you keep your disapproval private and don't use it as a reason to discriminate against those who disagree with you.
3
Thank you Frank for another great article. I'm envious, but still proud of you, that you felt comfortable enough to come out to your family in early adulthood. You are more meaningful as an understanding and supportive gay brother than a bigoted biological one.
I have no interest in dwelling on our personal scars made by decades of bigotry. At the same time my body and mind tingle knowing that at last I can look for a lawful husband and know that a resulting marriage will be recognized by both the the country and the city that my family has lived in for over 120 years.
Sometimes we dare to dream the unlikely or 'impossible.' Sometimes (with hard dedication and perseverance of the community) our dreams come true.
I have no interest in dwelling on our personal scars made by decades of bigotry. At the same time my body and mind tingle knowing that at last I can look for a lawful husband and know that a resulting marriage will be recognized by both the the country and the city that my family has lived in for over 120 years.
Sometimes we dare to dream the unlikely or 'impossible.' Sometimes (with hard dedication and perseverance of the community) our dreams come true.
11
Damn you Bruni.
I can't stop crying; didn't realize that deep down pain was even there.
I can't stop crying; didn't realize that deep down pain was even there.
7
Richard - a lovely statement. Yes, I really believe that the NYT and its wonderful columnists open our eyes and hearts to both the joy and pain in other people's lives. Seeing and feeling the pain especially of others, forces us all to confront both the intentional and unintentional laws that keep them in agony. I'm not naive enough to think that life is all roses and sunshine for all, but I felt this week after all the calls for the Confederate flag to come down, and yesterday SCOTUS, that we're coming out of a long dark tunnel, into the light.
2
Thanks Frank. That was beautiful!
7
I'm glad Bruni is at the Times.
9
Thanks, Mr. Bruni. This reflects my life experience. Makes me feel so sad for my own lonely 12 year old.
5
Beautiful column, Mr. Bruni. Thank you.
3
"It was about worth."
That is exactly, and pretty much all, it boils down to: you are worth as much as as anyone; and every single person should have the opportunity to enjoy the dignity, intimacy and respect that the institution of marriage can provide. One can be more romantic or more profound (thank you, Justice Kennedy), but the simplicity of "worth" brought tears to my eyes.
That is exactly, and pretty much all, it boils down to: you are worth as much as as anyone; and every single person should have the opportunity to enjoy the dignity, intimacy and respect that the institution of marriage can provide. One can be more romantic or more profound (thank you, Justice Kennedy), but the simplicity of "worth" brought tears to my eyes.
9
How beautiful and touching. Congratulations on today's decision. One of the things that touched me about this column is the richness of a life spent questioning, exploring, fearing, coming to grips with who you are and the growth for both you and the nation as a whole. Now compare that to the limited, pinched and stagnant life of a Justice Thomas, who would not have been able to marry his white wife prior to 1967. No evolution in his thinking, no intellectual understanding and no personal growth. As if he were unable to see passed the limits he was raised with. Justice has made you an equal partner in the American dream. But you were already superior to your judges.
5
Beautiful! I too had some of these feelings at these ages. As a 62 year old gay man I thought I would never see this historic day. My husband and I have been a couple for 37 years, finally married in NY in 2012. Today we are recognized as a married couple across the country. It is especially satisfying to be able to visit my parents in Texas and to not have to be fearful about something happening to one of us and our marriage not being recognized. Now we can be snowbirds and some of our time can be spent in Austin, Texas with my parents!
6
Mr Bruni, I hope the 12, 16, 30 and 45 year old in you is feeling strong and accepted today. You have written a masterpiece that I will spread to all my friends and family. Thank you for sharing your joy and helping us understand.
5
Thomas Jefferson said it best: " All men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." We may have been slow in recognizing that means ALL men (and women) in all ways, and there's much progress still to be made, but we're getting there. So proud and happy to witness this historic decision in my lifetime!
7
I'm crying. I see so much of my own story in this piece. And I know that boy and that man are you.
It may be the most beautiful opinion piece you've written, or that the Times has published.
It may be the most beautiful opinion piece you've written, or that the Times has published.
6
People who are against gay marriage often cloak it in the "marriage is for procreation" excuse. But not every union between a man and a woman results in a biological child. Does mean their marriages are not legitimate? Would we annul them for their lack of progeny? Of course not. So religious opponents, knock it off and find another reason to be against the right of two grown ups to marry. This one doesn't pass the logic test.
6
This is one of the best articulations of the gay experience that I've read. Thank you Frank for humanizing so richly.
As a straight man, I've only been witness to it, but watching friends suffer and seeing their struggle everyday just to be who they are has been both inspiring and awful. The Court's decision was certainly the right one and thank goodness modern history's arc has been mostly just.
As a straight man, I've only been witness to it, but watching friends suffer and seeing their struggle everyday just to be who they are has been both inspiring and awful. The Court's decision was certainly the right one and thank goodness modern history's arc has been mostly just.
1
Well done, Frank, well done.
6
As a mother to her own son, :I wish I had known when you were 12 years old. I wish I had known when you were 16. I wish I had known when you were 20. I never thought of you beyond just who you were, my son. Now I know you are so much more than just my son and I am so happy you can love openly and honestly.
14
I picked up my eleven year old son from his Mothers today and asked him if he heard any news regarding the Supreme Court. He said he overheard his Mom talking on the phone but was not sure what it was about. I explained what happened and he immediately high fived me and said "about time... that's awsome". Indeed.
6
God bless SCOTUS, and this beautiful Gay Day
4
Thank you for this! It is lovely. I was hoping for this ruling with my whole heart and expecting it with the part of my brain that believes in justice, but to ACTUALLY have my marriage and my family recognized across the nation with one ruling? I am in awe.
6
A marginal decision that thwarts my joy. I still feel tolerated and not wholeheartedly respected. Hate still lingers. Still a long way to go for the 12 year old boy that so many recognize with teary eyes.
1
What a beautiful column! Thank you Mr. Bruni for sharing. As an friend to many gays and an aunt to two nephews who recently came out, the ruling today made me cry. To finally allow ALL Americans to marry whom they choose is a huge victory for equality!
2
I recall going through much of what some of those guys went through. And then about 35 years ago I realized that life is too short to live a lie and came out. Not a particularly big deal, even back then. I have no plans to marry but experienced a tremendous elation this morning when the news was announced. Thanks, Frank, for another eloquent and moving column.
4
I am straight, very liberal and accept and believe that much of our sexuality is given to us at birth. But it all still confuses me, and while talking to my gay friends helps, I remain intellectually confused. True intellectual understanding may be just out of reach for many straights for many reasons. But you have moved me to a much fuller emotional understanding for which I will be forever grateful to you.
2
There were four justices in the minority who thought this decision was about sex.
The five justices in the majority knew it was about love.
The five justices in the majority knew it was about love.
8
"So it is ordered". That sounds so, so final. Thank God.
4
Dear Mr Bruni,
thank you for this piece, which speaks for so many of us. I think there is a connection between it and the fact that you are such an astute and sympathetic interviewer of others. I attended your interview at the 92nd St Y in NYC with the president of Wesleyan University, and remember best your own poise and attentiveness to the interviewee, drawing out his own best, the humanity in that. And that is what shows here too even in "interviewing" yourself, who stands in for so many others.
thank you for this piece, which speaks for so many of us. I think there is a connection between it and the fact that you are such an astute and sympathetic interviewer of others. I attended your interview at the 92nd St Y in NYC with the president of Wesleyan University, and remember best your own poise and attentiveness to the interviewee, drawing out his own best, the humanity in that. And that is what shows here too even in "interviewing" yourself, who stands in for so many others.
2
The news was breaking this morning as I drove my 11 and 9 year boys to summer theater camp. The youngest picked up on the story before I did and the older one said "it's about time." I arrived at their camp and had to go in and drop something off. Inside the camp there were three teenage boys hugging each other and declaring that they too could get married someday, if they wanted to. Talk about immediate validation.
I am still realizing the impact of seeing those teenage boys embrace each other and the relief and optimism that you couldn't feel as a 12 year old or 16 year old was obvious on their faces. Perhaps more remarkable is that these boys were able to do this without any sense of shame or fear that would have existed when you or I were their age. The kids around them were only supportive, there was not one shred of visible shame or doubt anywhere in the room. Times have changes for the better.
I doubt I'll ever forget seeing the real and immediate positive impact of this decision.
I know this decision won't be universally accepted, but for today's youth, whether they are gay or not will matter less and less as they become older and have the freedom and right to marry whomever they love.
I am still realizing the impact of seeing those teenage boys embrace each other and the relief and optimism that you couldn't feel as a 12 year old or 16 year old was obvious on their faces. Perhaps more remarkable is that these boys were able to do this without any sense of shame or fear that would have existed when you or I were their age. The kids around them were only supportive, there was not one shred of visible shame or doubt anywhere in the room. Times have changes for the better.
I doubt I'll ever forget seeing the real and immediate positive impact of this decision.
I know this decision won't be universally accepted, but for today's youth, whether they are gay or not will matter less and less as they become older and have the freedom and right to marry whomever they love.
7
WOW. Congrats on an article coming from your heart. Beautiful.
3
Joyous is the right word for today. As a 58 year old gay man with no intention to marry (who, on some level, can still hardly believe this is happening) I see and feel what a giant leap this is for our country in the direction of equal rights for all, and towards a better society for all.
2
Beautiful, Frank.
It's fundamental. So basic. Why can't we just be good to each other? Why not recognize how easy it is to confuse the intensity of our devotion to God and country with distrust and hate - when it is just that. Confusion. Does not every religion at it's core tell us this? Hasn't every wise man we have revered said exactly this - if you do anything, be good to each other. The force of creation put you in a very difficult universe full of hurricanes and fire and earthquakes. Why can't you realize you are all you have and treasure each other?
It's fundamental. So basic. Why can't we just be good to each other? Why not recognize how easy it is to confuse the intensity of our devotion to God and country with distrust and hate - when it is just that. Confusion. Does not every religion at it's core tell us this? Hasn't every wise man we have revered said exactly this - if you do anything, be good to each other. The force of creation put you in a very difficult universe full of hurricanes and fire and earthquakes. Why can't you realize you are all you have and treasure each other?
4
It is a great day. Im not going to read all of the comments. Im wondering why 20 years ago I wept at a same-sex wedding - the couple wept, the parents wept, we all wept. What, why all of this weeping? And why me, a heterosexual woman - and calling me back to why I was so angry in my twenties - well, yes, being dissed (and still am) as a woman, as an intellect, as a purveyor of joy - as an odd person out, one who was "different", had to stand on her head and pretend she was not who she was not to be "real" -
so many of us, of many journeys, glory in this day.
so many of us, of many journeys, glory in this day.
5
Perfect, Mr. Bruni. Perfect.
3
Over 40 years ago, my friend John came out to me the day after he attempted suicide, which failed only because he bought the cheapest possible sleeping medication. He hoped for my acceptance and that my acceptance would would be a leg up, out of the horrible depths into which he had fallen.
John did rise. A good man, he devoted himself to assisting the poor and marginalized around the world. He lived a beautiful, exemplary life.
He did not live to see this day, or even see the day when he could freely admit who he was.
Thanks, Anthony Kennedy. This one's for you, John.
John did rise. A good man, he devoted himself to assisting the poor and marginalized around the world. He lived a beautiful, exemplary life.
He did not live to see this day, or even see the day when he could freely admit who he was.
Thanks, Anthony Kennedy. This one's for you, John.
6
I will try one last time. This was a very nicely written piece and chronicled very well the process you went through. I congratulate you for that. While I do not agree for reason's I have previously stated I can appreciate the burden that is lifted. For many I am sure it is the realization of something that was once thought impossible. I hope for you that this moment is what you hoped it would be. The court has spoken and while I think Roberts argued issues that were not before the Court nonetheless the decision is done. Enjoy the moment
1
This is a very kind and gracious thing to say. Try building on this. I think you will find peace of mind in acceptance, charity and fairness.
I think you are a truly good person at heart but that in clinging to the politics you were raised with (I can relate) you get frustrated and angry and lost.
Republicans aren't doing anything for you and in many cases they've lied to you and that hasn't worked out well for you and so many others.
Stick to what you know is true in your heart and your better nature, not what some politician (in either party) tells you. Have faith in your better instincts.
I hope you find peace and contentment.
I think you are a truly good person at heart but that in clinging to the politics you were raised with (I can relate) you get frustrated and angry and lost.
Republicans aren't doing anything for you and in many cases they've lied to you and that hasn't worked out well for you and so many others.
Stick to what you know is true in your heart and your better nature, not what some politician (in either party) tells you. Have faith in your better instincts.
I hope you find peace and contentment.
1
Beautifully written. Mr. Bruni has surpassed his usual eloquence. Dignity indeed.
2
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Emailing it to my 50 year old gay brother in California as soon as the tears stop enough for me to see my computer screen.
1
This is, indeed, a happy, joyous day. And yet I wonder how conservative Republicans will attempt to use this decision as a wedge issue to claw their way towards a congressional and presidential victory in 2016.
If, in 2016, a Republican President were elected, that human being might easily be in a position to appoint a Supreme Court Justice who could overturn this happy joyous decision.
If, in 2016, a Republican President were elected, that human being might easily be in a position to appoint a Supreme Court Justice who could overturn this happy joyous decision.
1
We can't let that happen. Get your friends together in 2016, have a meal together and vote.
1
Ten years after Canada!
Nothing to fear, American friends, except more showers and wedding gift registries.
Nothing to fear, American friends, except more showers and wedding gift registries.
8
Eleven, actually, Tish, but who's counting?
p.
(Married in Ottawa 11 years ago)
p.
(Married in Ottawa 11 years ago)
1
Thank you, wonderful Frank Bruni.
Thank you for your direct heart and humanity.
A great day for the United States of America and the people it serves.
Thank you for your direct heart and humanity.
A great day for the United States of America and the people it serves.
2
I watched the news via internet, staying up after midnight in Australia to watch the news. As a US citizen married to an Australian national, the fall of DOMA started our immigration path. My partner could finally live with me in the US, but we quaked every time we drove to Alabama to visit my parents. As we crossed the border, we wondered what would happen if something happened to one of us. And now, finally, we can breathe.
I went to bed at two a.m., after squealing (silently, so as not to wake the neighbors) for an hour. And, the words floating through my mind belied the Chief Justice's words about it not being about the Constitution. I went to sleep saying: We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all (wo)men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights. That among these are: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I am now a whole person in my own country. Thank you, Justice Kennedy for "dignity". Thank you, Frank Bruni, for "worth".
I went to bed at two a.m., after squealing (silently, so as not to wake the neighbors) for an hour. And, the words floating through my mind belied the Chief Justice's words about it not being about the Constitution. I went to sleep saying: We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all (wo)men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights. That among these are: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I am now a whole person in my own country. Thank you, Justice Kennedy for "dignity". Thank you, Frank Bruni, for "worth".
7
"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all (wo)men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights. That among these are: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" Declaration of Independence. Ignored when the USA Constitution was written, as the USA Constitution allowed for slavery. It took a long time to correct that error.
1
WHAT would have happened to you in Alabama? Do you mean "had one of you gotten ill"? I suppose neither of you realized you can name another person as a health proxy, or power of attorney? Your partner, being alone in the US, should have done this anyways. There would not have been family who would have stepped ahead of you!
That kind of absurd fearfulness is ridiculous. BTW: most hospitals have long recognized same-sex partners, even in states where gay marriage was not legal. Those were never laws, they were customs.
Lastly: what do you think happens with the millions of straight couples who live together, but choose not to marry (though they always could have!)? Including 70% of all African Americans? Did they quake with terror upon entering a different state? This is pure balderdash.
That kind of absurd fearfulness is ridiculous. BTW: most hospitals have long recognized same-sex partners, even in states where gay marriage was not legal. Those were never laws, they were customs.
Lastly: what do you think happens with the millions of straight couples who live together, but choose not to marry (though they always could have!)? Including 70% of all African Americans? Did they quake with terror upon entering a different state? This is pure balderdash.
Concerned, actually some African Americans did (do) not like driving through certain states especially and in certain areas of those states, not only during Jim Crow but after it was struck down. During Jim Crow they often were not served and when they were they sat in certain areas, many hotels and motels would not let them stay. So, I do not think that you should dismiss sbjapan's comment by comparing the situation to that of African Americans. And what does the marriage rate of African Americans have to do with this at all?
2
After more than five decades of waiting... today was a joy, to be affirmed I have the right to be a full citizen of the United States.
Why, then, does the language of the dissents - their tone, their attitude, their overt prejudice - worry me?
Maybe because today's joy could flip rapidly into persecution, if 2016 becomes a rallying cry for bigotry and hate, rather than understanding and empathy. We already have heard its bugle cry from many of the (R) candidates... and with the deep pockets of the corporates at hand, that bugle could become an entire brass band of demagoguery.
Let us never forget that freedom and persecution are revolving cycles, even in America.
Why, then, does the language of the dissents - their tone, their attitude, their overt prejudice - worry me?
Maybe because today's joy could flip rapidly into persecution, if 2016 becomes a rallying cry for bigotry and hate, rather than understanding and empathy. We already have heard its bugle cry from many of the (R) candidates... and with the deep pockets of the corporates at hand, that bugle could become an entire brass band of demagoguery.
Let us never forget that freedom and persecution are revolving cycles, even in America.
5
Did you notice how many big corporations were Tweeting and Facebooking rainbows and equality symbols Friday after the ruling? The big corporations know things that they do not say in the USA for fear of offending the established powers and thus having some tax credit or deduction taken away.
The opposition to a national healthcare system is not from those companies that sucessfully operate in Canada. It is from those who operate in some small isolated hamlet. The same is true for the same sex marriage ruling. The big corporatins have found that they can operate successfully with SSM. So the big corprate money will not be there in 2016 for those who oppose this ruling, as much as it was in the past.
The opposition to a national healthcare system is not from those companies that sucessfully operate in Canada. It is from those who operate in some small isolated hamlet. The same is true for the same sex marriage ruling. The big corporatins have found that they can operate successfully with SSM. So the big corprate money will not be there in 2016 for those who oppose this ruling, as much as it was in the past.
David Hoffman makes a good point. FWIW, as money talks in the US, many large corporations have shifted to either being neutral if not supportive of same-sex marriage because it pays to take such positions.
1) Market research shows that same-sex couples and their supporters are among the most compliant when it comes to boycotting/ opposing companies that oppose same-sex marriage.
2) Talented, especially younger, potential employees often prefer to work at more open-minded workplaces whether they are LBGT or not.
I'm an example of this. This ruling does not affect me or anyone in my family directly but I'm not going to use my hard-earned dollars at places that discriminate when I have so many other choices. Similarly, I had my pick of positions when looking for work and chose places where open-mindedness tended to prevail. Someone who picks on LGBT folks is more likely to pick on a minority woman like me.
1) Market research shows that same-sex couples and their supporters are among the most compliant when it comes to boycotting/ opposing companies that oppose same-sex marriage.
2) Talented, especially younger, potential employees often prefer to work at more open-minded workplaces whether they are LBGT or not.
I'm an example of this. This ruling does not affect me or anyone in my family directly but I'm not going to use my hard-earned dollars at places that discriminate when I have so many other choices. Similarly, I had my pick of positions when looking for work and chose places where open-mindedness tended to prevail. Someone who picks on LGBT folks is more likely to pick on a minority woman like me.
1
So -- anyone whose marriage is not recognized is not a full citizen of the US? You mean like polygamists? (Not just fundie Mormons, but those from Africa or the Middle East?) You mean those want incestuous unions?
Is marriage the sole determinant of whether someone is a full citizen or not?
Is marriage the sole determinant of whether someone is a full citizen or not?
I don't usually put in two separate comments but this essay moved me. There will be less to have to hide from ourselves and others around us. We can hug and kiss our lovers in public like straight people. We can walk into a wedding registry and sign up without worrying about what anyone thinks because it's now legal for us to marry each other if we want to. There will continue to be people who hate us, who discriminate against us but now we are more a part of the social tapestry in America than we were before this decision. It may be too late for me but it's not too late for the young men and women who want to marry and spend their lives together.
They can be honest with themselves. They will be able to do what so many of us could not do: court, pitch woo, hold hands, kiss in public, send out invitations, not feel like oddballs all the time. To quote a Fred Small song, "love is love, no matter who, no matter where" and today we've been given the right that straight people take for granted. We can openly love each other, proclaim it, live it, and suffer the consequences.
They can be honest with themselves. They will be able to do what so many of us could not do: court, pitch woo, hold hands, kiss in public, send out invitations, not feel like oddballs all the time. To quote a Fred Small song, "love is love, no matter who, no matter where" and today we've been given the right that straight people take for granted. We can openly love each other, proclaim it, live it, and suffer the consequences.
13
heb3ry, please don't assume it's too late for you. Someone well-matched to you may be out there, including someone else who is still single at this point, like you, because the barriers were so much greater before.
Maybe someone with new hope in their heart, like you?
Wishing you luck in love...
Maybe someone with new hope in their heart, like you?
Wishing you luck in love...
2
Why would this be too late for you? are you 90 years old?
In what way would gay marriage laws (pro or con) have kept gay couples from living together, or kissing in public? One thing has nothing to do with the other. I can only imagine the lawsuit had some gay couple been prohibited from kissing! even in a red state!
If love is love, then I am sure you will be at my side celebrating, when I marry my twin sister. You just said "love is love", and I hope you mean that is more than just "love is what I say it is, whenever it suits ME and MY agenda".
In what way would gay marriage laws (pro or con) have kept gay couples from living together, or kissing in public? One thing has nothing to do with the other. I can only imagine the lawsuit had some gay couple been prohibited from kissing! even in a red state!
If love is love, then I am sure you will be at my side celebrating, when I marry my twin sister. You just said "love is love", and I hope you mean that is more than just "love is what I say it is, whenever it suits ME and MY agenda".
1
Sex isn't identity, it's behavior. It's desirable because of reproduction. Government interest is to promote strong families because they build strong societies.
Government's provide legal frameworks to two people who together make one child. Without that link between them the rational for that legal framework doesn't exist.
With that said, no one is stopping you from doing what you want. I'm sorry people feel bad, but other people get it worst, with a lot of it started by liberal causes they actively promote.
Government's provide legal frameworks to two people who together make one child. Without that link between them the rational for that legal framework doesn't exist.
With that said, no one is stopping you from doing what you want. I'm sorry people feel bad, but other people get it worst, with a lot of it started by liberal causes they actively promote.
1
By your argument, the marriages of infertile couples, those who marry late in life, or those who choose not to have children are all invalid. That constitutes millions of marriages. What utter and frankly stupid nonsense, rendered, I might add, in inept, error-filled English.
28
You're confusing the sex act with sexual orientation.
6
You are under the false assumption that -all- heterosexual marriages lead to children. For those who choose to break with reproductive behavior, should we deny them traditional legal frameworks? What should we do with these liberal people? Please advise.
6
Mr. Bruni:
thank you for your terrific essay.
to know is to understand...
to understand is to care...
to care is to share...
to share is to change...
to change is the only valid sign of growth...
in growing love can be found...
in love is the source for all true peace.
congratulations on the "supreme-validation" of all that you are,
although we your readers knew this all along.
CHEERS !!
11
Thank you for this lovely, personal essay.
My apologies for the pain experienced by the 12-year-old, the 16-year-old, and the 20-, 30-, and 45-year-olds. I hope the 50-year-old who has lived to see what was a long-time coming has many, many years of happiness ahead of him.
My apologies for the pain experienced by the 12-year-old, the 16-year-old, and the 20-, 30-, and 45-year-olds. I hope the 50-year-old who has lived to see what was a long-time coming has many, many years of happiness ahead of him.
21
Thanks Frank for your intimate column.
I'm going to add there's still a long way to go until gays are integrated seamlessly into society. For example, I think all of our immediate neighbors in our suburban, blue collar neighborhood know we are a gay couple. However, my husband and I had to talk about whether to display our gay pride flag to show our joy over today's historic decision. The flag has never been out. We decided to not hoist it today because we fear some knucklehead in the area who disagrees with the decision might use us or our property to make a backlash statement against the Supreme Court decision.
I'm going to add there's still a long way to go until gays are integrated seamlessly into society. For example, I think all of our immediate neighbors in our suburban, blue collar neighborhood know we are a gay couple. However, my husband and I had to talk about whether to display our gay pride flag to show our joy over today's historic decision. The flag has never been out. We decided to not hoist it today because we fear some knucklehead in the area who disagrees with the decision might use us or our property to make a backlash statement against the Supreme Court decision.
7
I think you should display it. The openness of gays in recent times is the reason that we have gotten to this point. Have at it! I think you will be surprised at the happiness your neighbors will feel for you, their neighbor.
1
I'm really sorry that you had to ask yourselves that question, and make that choice.
1
I wept twice today. Once when I heard the news and a second time when I read Frank Bruni's beautiful column. I'm a 70 year old Caucasian Roman Catholic woman and I'm so blessed to have lived to see this day.
25
Isn't it about time Frank won a Pulitzer?
21
Frank Bruni echoes my experience so eloquently and beautifully. Yet, even today, as a 50 year old American who hears the wonderful news while overseas on a business trip, my attempt to acknowledge and discuss this great moment is met by stony silence from my 'conservative' Christian co-worker. There is still a long road ahead of us, a long road ahead for civil rights for all Americans.
26
your co-worker missed the part about being a christian to "love one another." That is because so many christians today do not really have Jesus in their hearts. they are phonies of the highest order.
3
Those who want to create a conservative Christian theocracy as the basis for the USA's governance are not having an easy time of it. This ruling is one more obstacle in the way and they are not happy about it.
3
It's amazing that four Supreme Court justices truly believe that a bunch of men in knickers and knee socks 230 years ago should have the last word on how we live today. I mean no disrespect to the brilliant drafters of the Constitution, but times were different then. The Constitution is alive, not dead.
19
I have a feeling, but no proof, that the people who wrote the USA Constitution, if presented with this issue, would have wondered why it was not a 9-0 ruling in support of SSM. We are not a theocracy, so all the arguments about Christianity being violated do not matter. Marriage is a legal contract and such contracts should be equally available to all adults under the principles of equal due process and the full faith and credit. I think we would find the men in knickers and knee socks quite upset that we have so many people trying to create a fundamentalist evangelical Christian theocracy as the basis of the USA.
6
The constitution is alive because that is how the framers wrote it, that was their intention.
2
Actually, this proves their brilliance. The decision was based on that constitution interpreted for today.
3
Beautiful column. Thanks for sharing it, Frank.
10
I'm a heterosexual woman, getting married a week today. :)
When we started dating, marriage wasn't on our radar. It seemed antiquated, unnecessary - a silly custom for the uneducated, and a waste of public resources. Then, like many in relationships, we had some tough times. After they passed, the act of marrying someone - of making a vow to one another and having that vow registered as official public record- was not only desirable but right.
I have always been supportive of marriage equality, but never moreso now that I am about to enter the institution. I was foolish to think it was a silly custom. It is a formative act to take a life partner. As a civilization, we have so few rituals of celebration for one another: celebrating marriage is one of the finest things we do as a people. It is foundational for a state to recognize its citizens and their transitions, and it is beautiful that we celebrate marriage.
This is a wonderful day!
When we started dating, marriage wasn't on our radar. It seemed antiquated, unnecessary - a silly custom for the uneducated, and a waste of public resources. Then, like many in relationships, we had some tough times. After they passed, the act of marrying someone - of making a vow to one another and having that vow registered as official public record- was not only desirable but right.
I have always been supportive of marriage equality, but never moreso now that I am about to enter the institution. I was foolish to think it was a silly custom. It is a formative act to take a life partner. As a civilization, we have so few rituals of celebration for one another: celebrating marriage is one of the finest things we do as a people. It is foundational for a state to recognize its citizens and their transitions, and it is beautiful that we celebrate marriage.
This is a wonderful day!
39
Fantastic way of stating why this ruling was important. Best wishes on your wedding and marriage.
2
Too late. There is no straight traditional marriage anymore, thanks to Kennedy.
You can have a phony gay marriage, where you marry Partner A and are yourself Partner B. It no longer has any meaning nor validity. but go ahead -- I understand that now "cake" is the most important determinant of marriage anyways. Eat up!
You can have a phony gay marriage, where you marry Partner A and are yourself Partner B. It no longer has any meaning nor validity. but go ahead -- I understand that now "cake" is the most important determinant of marriage anyways. Eat up!
Frank, your writing today is beautiful. Finally America can be proud of how we regard all people who love .
17
Welcome to America, Frank!
9
There are so few laws that bring such joy to so many. What a wonderful day for America!
19
So happy to have equal rights for all Americans. It is astounding that the Supreme Court should have to rule on this fundamental right as a human being.
9
The subject of whether same-sex marriage was a fundamental right, as that term is used in constitutional jurisprudence, was treated in the dissent, where it was pointed out that even the petitioners were unable to cite any instance in world history where same-sex marriage was recognized prior to 2001.
2
The thing is, devoted, loving lifelong partnerships between members of the same sex have always existed. Whether they could be formally recognized or not is not necessarily the point.
Look up "Boston Marriages": these were lifelong, loving partnerships between women in New England in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, recognized by the community. (Was there a sexual relationship? Outsiders can't be sure.)
See John Boswell's extensive scholarly work, for church rituals in the Middle Ages acknowledging the partnerships of same sex couples.
Also, a number of Native Americans had formal recognition of lifelong partnerships of same sex couples.
nope, I don't have the refs right now. Too busy celebrating.
BTW, I am straight, and married, and celebrating.
Look up "Boston Marriages": these were lifelong, loving partnerships between women in New England in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, recognized by the community. (Was there a sexual relationship? Outsiders can't be sure.)
See John Boswell's extensive scholarly work, for church rituals in the Middle Ages acknowledging the partnerships of same sex couples.
Also, a number of Native Americans had formal recognition of lifelong partnerships of same sex couples.
nope, I don't have the refs right now. Too busy celebrating.
BTW, I am straight, and married, and celebrating.
5
You know not so long ago in world history there was not a single instance of women being allowed to vote.
2
So basically, Frank -- all that matters is YOU. (You are quite obviously this boy; even all gays do not think alike on this issue.) YOUR feelings, YOUR lifestyle.
Nobody else matters. It doesn't matter that you are 1.5% of the population. It doesn't matter what the other 98.5% needs or wants or cares about. It doesn't matter about children -- "you are too tired or lazy or bored to have any".
All that matters is you get to destroy millennia of tradition, family structure and children's lives.
Thank you. It's good to know it is all about YOU.
Nobody else matters. It doesn't matter that you are 1.5% of the population. It doesn't matter what the other 98.5% needs or wants or cares about. It doesn't matter about children -- "you are too tired or lazy or bored to have any".
All that matters is you get to destroy millennia of tradition, family structure and children's lives.
Thank you. It's good to know it is all about YOU.
3
It's supposed to be about you right? Your ability to treat other people like second class citizens, your ability to inflict pain, your ability to feel superior. Well too bad. Today it's about all of us, the United States of America. All of us will now be treated equally.
57
Guess what, it's about all of us, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, black, white, yellow, green, orange, handicapped or not. We're all human beings and created with the same rights. I cannot quote the Declaration or the Constitution right now but there was nothing in it that stated that gays or lesbians were less than deserving of the same rights that you as straight human being take for granted.
This is, hands down, one of the nastiest comments you have ever posted and that includes your attacks on me. I'm glad I live nowhere near your Anywheresville. I'd feel stifled.
This is, hands down, one of the nastiest comments you have ever posted and that includes your attacks on me. I'm glad I live nowhere near your Anywheresville. I'd feel stifled.
55
That's not correct.
It's about the patrons of the Stonewall Inn, who were brutally repressed.
It's about Matthew Shepherd, who was beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die.
It's about Tyler Clementi, who killed himself after his roommate outed him with a surreptitiously-recorded video.
It's about all the gay teenagers who are 4x as likely as their peers to attempt suicide.
It's about all the loving couples across this country who want to hold their husband or wife's hand as they lay dying.
It's about the children who pass into orphanages or homes that don't want them when a parent dies because their other parent happens to be of the same sex.
But thanks for letting us know that you really believe it's all about YOU and YOUR traditions; that YOU believe all these people don't matter, because some book YOU read which YOU believe to be divinely-inspired gives YOU the right to inflict suffering on others. Because it's the rejection of YOUR self-centered worldview which we'll celebrate every 26th of June from here on out.
It's about the patrons of the Stonewall Inn, who were brutally repressed.
It's about Matthew Shepherd, who was beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die.
It's about Tyler Clementi, who killed himself after his roommate outed him with a surreptitiously-recorded video.
It's about all the gay teenagers who are 4x as likely as their peers to attempt suicide.
It's about all the loving couples across this country who want to hold their husband or wife's hand as they lay dying.
It's about the children who pass into orphanages or homes that don't want them when a parent dies because their other parent happens to be of the same sex.
But thanks for letting us know that you really believe it's all about YOU and YOUR traditions; that YOU believe all these people don't matter, because some book YOU read which YOU believe to be divinely-inspired gives YOU the right to inflict suffering on others. Because it's the rejection of YOUR self-centered worldview which we'll celebrate every 26th of June from here on out.
25
Amen. Frank Bruni is wonderful at capturing the essence of this historical moment. Very moving.
8
I suppose it would be nice in a simplistic way if it were true that today's decision were about worth. But for most grownups in this country, it will more likely be simply a reasonable, and now consistent, national public-policy position. That it was arrived at by circumvention of democracy, in an opinion whose legal incoherence is admitted even by those who support the outcome (take a look at what the scholars at the Volokh Conspiracy are saying about the parlous quality of the opinion) is a serious matte--which is and will be disregarded by the unthinking. This is a good day to celebrate a number of things, but constitutional government in the United States is not one of them.
2
There was no circumvention of democracy. When the USA Congress and many of the states that make up the USA fail to give real meaning to the equality of due process ideals in the USA Constitution then the US Supreme court may have to take action to move the USA government agencies along the path to meeting that equality principle. It should have been a 9-0 decision that stated the USA is not a theocracy and the states cannot operate as if it were one or that a state may operate as a theocracy.
4
All men (and women) are created equal, sorry that not self-evident to you?
Oh, grow up. Then, learn something about the Constitution, the Court, and their history, and stop trying to pretend that you guys weren't manipulating justice to accommodate your hatreds and your fears for decades.
2
A very moving article, beautifully written. There's a book of experience and wisdom waiting to be written...
6
To-day is the beginning of a bright future for every 12, 16, 20, 30, 45, 50..... year old who will not have to have doubts, fears, uncertainties or wonder anymore. To-day is no more yesterday. But to-day becomes tomorrow, way into the future. The just war is won.Congratulations to everyone who made it happen.
6
Thank you for writing this. It is so meaningful and perfect, which also really drove home the significance of all of this. Brought tears to my eyes.
15
I am glad that this is a happy emotional episode. What I am also enjoying, beyond the substance of this decision and the one released yesterday on ACA subsidies, is watching how legal skills can be deployed to write a persuasive opinion that transcends the he said/she said of political discourse. I am aware that other justices would have deployed their legal skills to reach different results, but I really appreciated the legal argumentation in the two majority opinions, I thought they were quite effective.
7
Another great article by you, Frank. Now how about we come to the rescue of all the women that suffer clitorectomies in the name of religion. Often these girls are held down by their mothers or grandmothers while primitive, unsterile and unnecessary surgery is done. The consequences are unfathomable to us. How about a column on this topic
3
Beautiful piece, Frank!
My son is 17 years old, and has come out to friend and family over the last couple of weeks. I fear discrimination, limitations, otherness for him though today gives me hope. I am sorry that you suffered as you did growing up, Mr. Bruni. I also want to thank you as a public figure and everyone else who has stood up, tall and proud, fighting for equal rights so that my son and his contemporaries will not live with discrimination and isolation.
And now, what kind of cake?
My son is 17 years old, and has come out to friend and family over the last couple of weeks. I fear discrimination, limitations, otherness for him though today gives me hope. I am sorry that you suffered as you did growing up, Mr. Bruni. I also want to thank you as a public figure and everyone else who has stood up, tall and proud, fighting for equal rights so that my son and his contemporaries will not live with discrimination and isolation.
And now, what kind of cake?
13
Well, I hate to spoil the party, so stop me if I say anything controversial here. There is only one type of relationship capable of creating new life, and that would be man + woman. And when we, as a society, decided to assign a special significance to that relationship, and call it "marriage," there was nothing wrong with doing that. Same sex couples do not fit the description of "married" couples unless we fundamentally change the definition of marriage. If we as a society decide to change what marriage means in order to accommodate same-sex relationships, we can certainly do that. But the fact that the Supreme Court has had to weigh in means that we have not reached that point. The meaning of marriage is not a trivial matter, and the decision to change it is not one that the Supreme Court should be making for us.
Anyways, Cheers! Love whomever you want. But understand, now that the Supremes have ruled in favor changing a quintessentially straight institution, you will not have won any sort of equality. The "marriage" you now get to call your own is not the same as the one you wanted.
Anyways, Cheers! Love whomever you want. But understand, now that the Supremes have ruled in favor changing a quintessentially straight institution, you will not have won any sort of equality. The "marriage" you now get to call your own is not the same as the one you wanted.
2
Marriage is a legal contract between two consenting adults. Time to get a clue.
4
Your argument is a straw man. Otherwise we would not allow the infertile, the elderly or people with adopted kids to marry. Or people who just decide parenthood is not for them.
3
I'm 66 years old. So is my boyfriend. You are telling us we can't get married because we can't create new life. We are both too old. Gay people deserve equality. I have two gay friends who adopted an unwanted, handicapped child. That child now has medical care that was not given to him previously. He is thriving and happy. I give kudos to the Supreme Court. Equal rights for all.
2
Frank,
As always, beautifully written.
Sums up the journey for so many.
Let them eat cake.
As always, beautifully written.
Sums up the journey for so many.
Let them eat cake.
4
This is one of the most beautiful and heartfelt things I have read.
As a gay man 60 years old, I have felt the same pain and indignities of subtle intolerance. Today is a day of tears, of times lost, pain endured, for this 60 year old, now lifted for me, and the 12 year old yet to come, and the future of our country.
As a gay man 60 years old, I have felt the same pain and indignities of subtle intolerance. Today is a day of tears, of times lost, pain endured, for this 60 year old, now lifted for me, and the 12 year old yet to come, and the future of our country.
19
You have just become my favorite columnist, not because you have so eloquently described my life experience but because you have so beautifully encapsulated why this decision is so important, and so right. Bravo, Frank - a truly GREAT piece of writing.
6
Your column brought tears to my eyes. I know that 12, 16 and 20 year old boy too, he is my son. I am so thankful that the rest of his life as a gay man will be different than the man you describe. Congratulations to every gay American today.
23
This is a glorious day for our country. One small step for SCOTUS, one giant leap for our country and our people and for equality and dignity. The future of all our children and all our families has just become much brighter and more beautiful.
Benard P. Dreyer, MD
President-Elect, American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)
Benard P. Dreyer, MD
President-Elect, American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)
8
I can tell you that my 9 year old (and my 1 year old) will now know that his religious beliefs are not respected by our government. In fact, it is quite clear that the government has nothing but animosity and contempt for this little boy and his faith. He will grow up knowing that everyone in the "Progressive" left running the Federal Government hates him and the very faith that will see him through life.
1
Where, exactly, is the "hate"?
It seems to me that the Supreme Court ruled that no entity, including religious ones, can deny any individual their fundamental right to marry the person of his or her choice. Nothing was said denigrating any religion, unless "religion" for you is inseparable from the denial of rights.
It seems to me that the Supreme Court ruled that no entity, including religious ones, can deny any individual their fundamental right to marry the person of his or her choice. Nothing was said denigrating any religion, unless "religion" for you is inseparable from the denial of rights.
8
His religious beliefs are respected. However, my worth and humanity as a Jewish lesbian as often been attacked on both fronts. No one should have to choose between being hated for their religion, their sexuality, or their gender. We should be accepted for what and who we are as long we're not breaking any laws in the process.
5
Therein lies the problem. You mention faith and religious beliefs and respect. Our Constitution guaranteed the realm for all faiths and religious beliefs, even the lack thereof. Respect, however, is not something granted by the Constitution. It is something you earn, through mutual concern for your fellow citizens. I may not follow or agree with you or your children's religious beliefs, but I do indeed respect them. The government does not have to respect them, and can not dinegrate them if you are truly at peace with your own faith. The freedom of religion guaranteed in the Constitution does not mean freedom. to expect everyone to agree with, or live by, your faith... or mine.
I am a straight female who never really cared about the institution of marriage because I found the person I loved and was happy living at the status quo sans marriage, another millennial. Today's SCOTUS decision has made me so happy and beaming with joy. When Obama said recently "I wake up everyday hoping it's a little bit better than the last", that statement resonates deeply with me. There has been leaps of much needed social change within the past decade towards promise of equality. Obama second administration-> git er done.
I actually DO want to get married now, and it's making me look forward more than ever to use my right to join my love in marriage and make it official.
I actually DO want to get married now, and it's making me look forward more than ever to use my right to join my love in marriage and make it official.
19
I am 51 years old, and like Frank, I remember when life was the way he describes for gay and lesbian people. I married my partner of 23 years last June, and we are happily raising a daughter together, both things I couldn't imagine when I was a young 19 year old newly out lesbian. I am especially moved by all of my decent, straight fellow citizens in so many places, who opened their minds and hearts, cast their ballots, and contributed their cash to help make this day possible.
11
Beautiful. Thank you.
4
Lovely column, love the "cake." Thanks.
4
You capture the historical importance and greatness of this day on such personal scale. A phenomenal and moving piece of writing. Thank you, Frank.
6
Mr. Chief Justice, you could and should have voted with the majority. You are better than that. Great column, Mr. Bruni.
5
Mr. Bruni,
Thanks for such powerful words. I have shared this wonderful column with family, friends and business associates because you have retold my own life experience. Luckily for me, I've been blessed with the love of my partner and now husband who for more than 34 years has shared my life, and the love of our families and friends who have supported and loved us all these years.
Today indeed is a momentous day of immense joy for us and the millions of 12, 16, 20, 30, 45, 50 and beyond years-old who from this day forward have the imprimatur of the law supporting us.
Thanks for such powerful words. I have shared this wonderful column with family, friends and business associates because you have retold my own life experience. Luckily for me, I've been blessed with the love of my partner and now husband who for more than 34 years has shared my life, and the love of our families and friends who have supported and loved us all these years.
Today indeed is a momentous day of immense joy for us and the millions of 12, 16, 20, 30, 45, 50 and beyond years-old who from this day forward have the imprimatur of the law supporting us.
6
My heart broke for you at each age, but I always thank you for your poignant columns that everyone should read.
17
You can't legislate morality or hearts & minds. This is the mistake the Left always makes; they think if they just pass enough laws....with enough govt force behind it, they can change human nature.
Bigotry is part of the human condition just like greed, envy, etc. It's why racism based on skin color persists despite 50 years of dedicated effort by millions, and upwards of a trillion dollars in special programs to fix the problem.
It's why homophobia will always be with us too. A hundred million years of evolution based on male/female relationships has created certain perceptions and biases. They aint going away any time soon.
So, rejoice today's teensy, tiny step forward. You can put icing on the outside of the cake, but all the icing in the world won't change what's deep inside.
Bigotry is part of the human condition just like greed, envy, etc. It's why racism based on skin color persists despite 50 years of dedicated effort by millions, and upwards of a trillion dollars in special programs to fix the problem.
It's why homophobia will always be with us too. A hundred million years of evolution based on male/female relationships has created certain perceptions and biases. They aint going away any time soon.
So, rejoice today's teensy, tiny step forward. You can put icing on the outside of the cake, but all the icing in the world won't change what's deep inside.
1
"You can't legislate morality or hearts & minds. This is the mistake the Left always makes; they think if they just pass enough laws....with enough govt force behind it, they can change human nature."
Really? Is *that* what I, as a leftist, think? Well thanks for telling me, because otherwise I might never have known.
Really? Is *that* what I, as a leftist, think? Well thanks for telling me, because otherwise I might never have known.
1
You say this because people like you will not "bless" the gay people who go forth with their marriages. But you cannot diminish them: most of us will rejoice, and certainly we will be happy that they can inherit wealth, sign a document on their partner's behalf, etc. Nothing you can say diminishes the outcome-- "deep inside," more and more of us ARE happy and accepting of this "tiny step."
2
It may not change human nature to have such laws on the book, but it changes the reality of those who could not marry in substantial ways (see: giant list of privileges and such that only apply to married couples, for starts).
3
Frank well said. This has been the life for many of us. I am proud of being gay and have hope that that 16 year old can now go to the prom with someone he actually had hoped would ask him and maybe even marry him later on. Our generation has provided one great legacy for the future. Time to let our hearts shine wide open. Thank you America!
11
A truly joyous day. But the job will not be done until every church and individual who disagrees with gay marriage is silenced and denied any place in the public sphere. And that means no more tax credits, welfare, student loans, WIC funds, or anything else for those "deniers" of gay marriage.
(this is what Frank meant to say...)
(this is what Frank meant to say...)
7
No it isn't what he meant to say, as you very well know. Churches will not be compelled to perform gay marriages any more then they are forced to marry people who were previously divorced, or who otherwise don't meet their criteria for a religious marriage ceremony.
Nor will anyone be denied welfare, loans or anything else like that based on their opinions about same-sex marriage. That is patently absurd.
On the other hand, gay and lesbian people STILL don't have the right to not be fired based on their sexual orientation everywhere in the country.
FInally, opposition to same-sex marriage is choice! Even if people were being harmed because of their opposition to same-sex marriage, they can always choose to change their mind. Right-wing religious folk like yourself are always telling us gays that sexual orientation is a choice, so please apply that same logic to yourself!
Nor will anyone be denied welfare, loans or anything else like that based on their opinions about same-sex marriage. That is patently absurd.
On the other hand, gay and lesbian people STILL don't have the right to not be fired based on their sexual orientation everywhere in the country.
FInally, opposition to same-sex marriage is choice! Even if people were being harmed because of their opposition to same-sex marriage, they can always choose to change their mind. Right-wing religious folk like yourself are always telling us gays that sexual orientation is a choice, so please apply that same logic to yourself!
2
Thank you for saying the truth -- that this isn't about "cute happy gay couples celebrating" (most gays never marry and never adopt children) -- but about ways to sue and harass and silence other Americans -- shut down churches and adoption agencies -- close Christian colleges and Jewish day schools -- so that lefty liberalism and the thought police will rule.
I can speak for the 12 year old girl who thinks something is wrong with her. Everyone else is interested in boys. She's not. What's wrong with her? She doesn't know.
There is the 16 year old girl who pretends to care about boys to fit in. She's beginning to understand that her interest in girls is wrong but cannot force herself to be interested in the right sex.
Then there is the college student who learns about lesbians but doesn't know what to make of the whole thing. She never fit in anyway and they don't appeal to her. Where does she go for affection or comfort? She pretends to like men even though she doesn't.
When she finally realizes she is a lesbian and tells a few people the first thing they say is "Are you sure? Maybe you just haven't found the right man." She's sure. But she's been so hurt and is very inexperienced at looking for someone special that she's stopped trying. Besides, from all the comments people made about lesbians and her she feels unacceptable.
This will change because today's young women are growing up with different images of sexuality. Being without a man, having no interest in men will not be seen as an abnormality and being gay won't be a lifestyle. We won't be asked if we chose to be lesbians or gays. Women will still experience discrimination based upon their sex but we won't be expected to settle down with a man or have our marriage be the measure of our worth.
There is the 16 year old girl who pretends to care about boys to fit in. She's beginning to understand that her interest in girls is wrong but cannot force herself to be interested in the right sex.
Then there is the college student who learns about lesbians but doesn't know what to make of the whole thing. She never fit in anyway and they don't appeal to her. Where does she go for affection or comfort? She pretends to like men even though she doesn't.
When she finally realizes she is a lesbian and tells a few people the first thing they say is "Are you sure? Maybe you just haven't found the right man." She's sure. But she's been so hurt and is very inexperienced at looking for someone special that she's stopped trying. Besides, from all the comments people made about lesbians and her she feels unacceptable.
This will change because today's young women are growing up with different images of sexuality. Being without a man, having no interest in men will not be seen as an abnormality and being gay won't be a lifestyle. We won't be asked if we chose to be lesbians or gays. Women will still experience discrimination based upon their sex but we won't be expected to settle down with a man or have our marriage be the measure of our worth.
16
I recently read Paul Monette's gritty, deeply moving, National Book Award-winning memoir "Becoming a Man," published in 1992--three years before he died of AIDS. How he would have celebrated this day. Now his descriptions will truly describe history--not that a single Supreme Court decision will change everything overnight, but a lot.
3
A single word from a flamboyantly heterosexual male: hooray!
9
Oh my gods, that was beautiful.
2
I'd finally managed to stop crying and then this comes along and sets me off all over again.
3
While I am so terribly happy today, I am so sad for my older gay friends who were not allowed to marry in their life times. This is what makes me sad.
4
Mr. Bruni, you just made me cry. Congratulations to you and to all Americans who have ever felt like second class citizens. And to all those 12 yr old and 16 yr old boys and girls who no longer need to be on the outside looking in. Maybe there is a God.
2
Mr. Bruni: Your words brought tears to my eyes.
2
Absolutely beautiful. You made me cry, Frank Bruni.
3
Thank you, Frank. You brought tears to my eyes.
I am an openly gay Independent Catholic priest and recently married a lesbian couple in Durham, North Carolina and a gay male couple in South Boston, Virginia. What a privilege it was to validate their lives in this way.
Now my life has been validated as well, whether I am single or married. I am a first-class citizen for the first time in my entire 66 years.
I am an openly gay Independent Catholic priest and recently married a lesbian couple in Durham, North Carolina and a gay male couple in South Boston, Virginia. What a privilege it was to validate their lives in this way.
Now my life has been validated as well, whether I am single or married. I am a first-class citizen for the first time in my entire 66 years.
8
Did you invent your own church? The Roman Catholic Church considers your behavior a sin, and your actions are outside of its doctrines.
You are only a "first class citizen" by making the other 98.5% of straight people second class citizens. Congrats.
You are only a "first class citizen" by making the other 98.5% of straight people second class citizens. Congrats.
@Concerned: How is this in any way making straight marriage a second class option? The Supreme Court literally did not change anything about straight marriage today.
Expanding the number of folks who can participate in the institution of marriage does not make it a less worthy institution for those already there, or raise up one group of over the rest - by this argument, newlyweds' marriages, other people's divorces, and acrimonious marriages are constantly devaluing happy 60-yr wedding anniversaries (!).
Expanding the number of folks who can participate in the institution of marriage does not make it a less worthy institution for those already there, or raise up one group of over the rest - by this argument, newlyweds' marriages, other people's divorces, and acrimonious marriages are constantly devaluing happy 60-yr wedding anniversaries (!).
1
Concerned,
Yes the Independent Catholic church is not in union with Rome.
But there are plenty of us in the Roman Catholic church--including active Catholic priests-who affirm the right of everyone to marry. Civil marriage for everyone does not threaten my faith, my marriage, my child...
I do not believe I will live to see the day that gay and lesbian Catholics will be sacramentally united in marriage in the Catholic church. I was sacramentally united with my spouse in the Catholic church over 40 years ago. Marriage for everyone does not threaten my or anyone else's marriage. What it does do is affirm my own marriage because now all people in the United States are able to enter into marriage, if they wish, and officially declare to each other and to the world that they want to live their lives together.
Yes the Independent Catholic church is not in union with Rome.
But there are plenty of us in the Roman Catholic church--including active Catholic priests-who affirm the right of everyone to marry. Civil marriage for everyone does not threaten my faith, my marriage, my child...
I do not believe I will live to see the day that gay and lesbian Catholics will be sacramentally united in marriage in the Catholic church. I was sacramentally united with my spouse in the Catholic church over 40 years ago. Marriage for everyone does not threaten my or anyone else's marriage. What it does do is affirm my own marriage because now all people in the United States are able to enter into marriage, if they wish, and officially declare to each other and to the world that they want to live their lives together.
2
Beautiful, Frank, thank you. What a happy day.
3
I almost cried at the end of this beautifully written, insightful and honest piece.
4
I am a few months older than you, Frank, and was a student at another UNC campus when you were at Chapel Hill. No one has ever written anything that so captures my own experiences and feelings as a gay man growing up and a gay man now. Thank you for this, thank you so very, very much.
13
What a beautiful piece of writing - simple, honest and powerful.
8
What a wonderful reflection. Thank you.
6
Ah but this boy can write!
13
This is a victory for us all. This is about the end of unlawful discrimination that finds its roots and sole argument in the ancient allegorical tales of religion. If we are to move forward to a bright future as a nation, indeed, as a species, then we must not be governed by the narrow dictates of a religion, but by the broader sense of what is right and best in us. If we allow ourselves and our decisions to be guided by religious dictates, we will be no better than a caliphate.
While we should all revel in this good and right decision, it should also be seen an offense to our nation that it fell to the courts to deem such blatant discrimination as unlawful. To any American, discrimination should be abhorrent.
While we should all revel in this good and right decision, it should also be seen an offense to our nation that it fell to the courts to deem such blatant discrimination as unlawful. To any American, discrimination should be abhorrent.
8
I don't care if anybody is gay, straight, or came from Mars. Is it like Michael Sam. Can he sack the quarterback? So get married or stay single or live with someone. I don't care. Just like I don't care what straight people do. Just lets so on and quit talking about it.
3
What a peculiar and repugnant posting to make. But thank you sir, as you perfectly demonstrate that there is still much work to be accomplished in our country. Fortunately, on such a momentous day, most citizens ARE talking about it. It is a dialogue that this country will continue to have long after you and your intolerance are buried.
1
What an amazing time the past 7 years have been. When Barack Obama was inaugurated, I could imagine African-American kids all over the country seeing Malia and Sasha living in the White House, and knowing that they are full, 100% citizens. And today, I can imagine gay kids knowing that they are full, 100% citizens. Equality, belonging, acceptance are such powerful things. It has taken a long long time for us to fully accept the simple sentence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men (and women!) are created equal." But we're getting there.
22
I love your posts. What a warm, lovely, caring person you are. Thank you.
2
The story of my life (too!) and rendered more beautifully than I could ever have managed. Thank you.
4
Bravo, Mr. Bruni, and thank you for a beautiful column (PS: You look much younger...)
3
Oh Frank, you make me cry, I have lived like so many of us, through this
experience, and as my 75th Birthday approaches I say Hooray.
Thank you.
experience, and as my 75th Birthday approaches I say Hooray.
Thank you.
6
A very nice column, Mr. Bruni. Thanks!
3
Yep, I can identify with every stage. Even though I’ve been ambivalent on gay marriage itself, I couldn’t help feeling joyous at the decision. It’s not only about gay marriage but also about the idea of equal protection. It reaffirms the idea that all people, regardless of their gender or other circumstances, deserve to be treated fairly and justly. This seems to me to be the even greater message of this case. It’s no longer possible to pass laws against particular classes of people, no longer OK to ban things simply because you don’t like them yourself. Bravo SCOTUS and thanks, Mr. Bruni, for a nicely themed response.
11
This column should be dedicated to Matthew Shephard who never had the opportunity to look back over the decades of his life as Mr. Bruni has had the great fortune to do. Great congratulations, Mr. Bruni. In memory of Matthew Shephard.
42
What a tender and loving comment, scratchbaker.
Imagine all the countless boys, girls, men and women like Matthew who also suffered in unimaginable ways from the institutionalized and socially condoned hate of the self-righteous and the ignorant.
Imagine all the countless boys, girls, men and women like Matthew who also suffered in unimaginable ways from the institutionalized and socially condoned hate of the self-righteous and the ignorant.
1
Not just Mathew Shephard but for everyone that was affected over the decades by stigma, bigotry, hate, and misunderstanding.
For my music teacher, who died of AIDS, and whose students knew he was gay but otherwise he had to keep quiet or risk his job as a schoolteacher. When he died, cancer was listed as the cause.
For my high school friend, thrown out of his house by his parents because he dared to come out of the closet. He went on to graduate summa cum laude in the sciences at university.
For my medical school professors, one of whom sought to educate medical students and trainees to be less prejudiced and not use derogatory terms, especially in his presence. For my other medical professor, who introduced his partner to trainees when possible.
For my colleagues and friends who are now able to marry within not only their own states but have it recognized within all 50 states.
Congrats!
For my music teacher, who died of AIDS, and whose students knew he was gay but otherwise he had to keep quiet or risk his job as a schoolteacher. When he died, cancer was listed as the cause.
For my high school friend, thrown out of his house by his parents because he dared to come out of the closet. He went on to graduate summa cum laude in the sciences at university.
For my medical school professors, one of whom sought to educate medical students and trainees to be less prejudiced and not use derogatory terms, especially in his presence. For my other medical professor, who introduced his partner to trainees when possible.
For my colleagues and friends who are now able to marry within not only their own states but have it recognized within all 50 states.
Congrats!
2
Sorry, but nothing that you described has ANYTHING to do with marriage or cake (?!).
Kid yourself, but do not try to kid the world. You talked about the allure of celebrity by Academics and Doctors, don't you see that this same allure has now infected our very nation's Supreme Court. They just want their names in the history books; Or is it just a coincidence that this ruling comes right before Pride week?
Our country needs to treat all with respect and value. Native Americans are killing themselves every day because of they are still looked down as as savages, poor people freezing in the streets, women working two jobs and fighting still for equal pay, Mexicans being deported and ripped from their families, African Americans profiled and killed in states by Police. Nothing is different now except that once again, instead of really dealing with the problems of HUMAN rights, we've got a group forcing their agenda. It's just all about "ME" is so out of control that you don't even see how myopic your view is.
Kid yourself, but do not try to kid the world. You talked about the allure of celebrity by Academics and Doctors, don't you see that this same allure has now infected our very nation's Supreme Court. They just want their names in the history books; Or is it just a coincidence that this ruling comes right before Pride week?
Our country needs to treat all with respect and value. Native Americans are killing themselves every day because of they are still looked down as as savages, poor people freezing in the streets, women working two jobs and fighting still for equal pay, Mexicans being deported and ripped from their families, African Americans profiled and killed in states by Police. Nothing is different now except that once again, instead of really dealing with the problems of HUMAN rights, we've got a group forcing their agenda. It's just all about "ME" is so out of control that you don't even see how myopic your view is.
3
Get a LIFE. And while you're at it, try to understand what empathy is and start showing some of it toward your fellow human beings.
6
Gays and lesbians are largely affluent white educated professionals living in large coastal urban areas; this is why they are "more important" than other people and why THEIR rights supersede everybody's else's. (Also "big gay money" -- the truly vast sums that have been spent on this, promoting gay marriage and demonizing traditional marriage, by BIg Wall Street, Big Hollywood, private billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Michael Bloomberg, etc. Imagine if that money had been spent on something like health care for the working poor!)
Coincidence that gay pride is always at the end of June and the Supreme Court always announces their decisions at the end of June? Why would anyone want to admit that they are so clueless?
8
I don't think I've ever read an article that more reflects my personal experience.
At the time I was coming out in my late teens/early twenties (in mid 1970's) not only was gay marriage unlikely, it was totally off the radar screen, not even thought of. To see this day is amazing...who'd have thunk?
I hope that today's 12 and 16 year olds can bypass the hurt and pain suffered by earlier generatios and are free to live in a world of true equality and dignity.
At the time I was coming out in my late teens/early twenties (in mid 1970's) not only was gay marriage unlikely, it was totally off the radar screen, not even thought of. To see this day is amazing...who'd have thunk?
I hope that today's 12 and 16 year olds can bypass the hurt and pain suffered by earlier generatios and are free to live in a world of true equality and dignity.
13
Beatifully written
7
I particularly liked the passage of the essay in which one young gay teenager hurriedly scans the pages of a book about homosexuality and learns about drag queens, bondage and prisoner sex. He dejectedly concludes that in front of him is a life of only "feathers, chains or the chain gang."
All too often gay pride celebrations are drowned out by the crazier among us. The extremes are full of bravado and shameless exhibitionism and prompt many people, including many young gay people, to think that being gay entails and requires being a psychiatric case.
All too often gay pride celebrations are drowned out by the crazier among us. The extremes are full of bravado and shameless exhibitionism and prompt many people, including many young gay people, to think that being gay entails and requires being a psychiatric case.
17
I was a teen in 1965 when Newsweek ran a landmark feature on "The Homosexual". They accompanied it with a picture of the window of a clothing boutique in Greenwich Village that displayed the outlandish clothing that homos wore. I worried for some time after that I would be forced to wear short shorts, espadrilles and and an outrageously floppy sombrero.
4
Frank,
I love and appreciate your good work.
The very best to you.
r
I love and appreciate your good work.
The very best to you.
r
7
This column is so beautiful, it gave me goosebumps and tears came to my eyes -- my heart swells with joy for Mr. Bruni and all the young men and women in our country who can now find a place within themselves for that dignity, that self-worth. The Law of the Land, even if it wasn't a unanimous decision -- and shame on Scalia, Alito, Thomas, and Roberts -- acknowledges their right to equal dignity. And this is exactly why we have to elect a Democrat to the White House in 2016!
22
Now the gay married couple can have full health insurance! Thank you mr Obama, thank you supremes.
27
Mr. Bruni, congratulations to you and to all others who celebrate this great day which brought with it the affirmation of full citizenship, regardless of who sends the tingles up your spine. You can't fool us: this column was about a 12-year old boy's odyssey through the rough, crashing seas of life to the gentle shores of peace and contentment a journey nearly twice as long as Odysseus' exile from Ithaca. Unlike myself, a person of color, who was protected, sometimes, from the full measure of rejection and denial by my obvious appearance, you had to endure your tortures in the full view of those you thought you knew, and of those who thought they knew you. The ready acceptance that turned to awkward silence, the empty hand gesture, the slow turning away, and telephone calls that became silent disapproval, the...oh, well, it was your hell and pain, and I'm so grateful that it's finally over, at least from a formal standpoint. Now, it's got to be something to be able to realize, and not dream, of a loving spouse, to apply for a marriage license, to ask the church's blessing, to soak in the approval of family and friends, to walk the aisle, to drink the champagne with arms entwined, to plan the honeymoon, to...all the rest of it. This is a great column, Mr. Bruno, and this is a great day! God bless you, sir!
26
Dear Frank, I'm your fan, read your columns all the time. I want to extend to you today congratulations! Happiness! Love! And really, this is a win for us all, gay or straight, because now all of us, our family members, our friends, can proceed into life on more equal terms, can just live. Just live. I'm really, really happy for you today, and for all of us.
15
Thanks to you, Mr. Bruni, I now have to keep a box of Kleenex on the desk next to the computer. I mean that with heartfelt sincerely-- thanks, to you.
9
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Mr. Bruni.
3
Thank you for intimately sharing the details of your journey and what it's been like emotionally, psychologically, and socially for you and your younger selves. Absorbing what you had to say about your many challenging/painful/confusing experiences brought a lump to my throat, tears to my eyes, and deeper overall understanding/compassion for LGBT. Your words and experiences should be read by everyone. Congratulations on your long fought for deserving freedom.
9
Today, we are a step closer to a society in which people can be themselves and embrace their individuality. I extend my hand to each of you as you are.
6
Powerful column, Frank. I am better for having read it. Thank you.
8
We all have the same inherent worth. It's what we choose to do that counts, not who we are. Sexual orientation is innate and in no way stratifies individuals' caliber.
4
Excellent column.
It highlights the asymmetry of this issue.
This ruling significantly affects the lives of millions of people in a positive way. It improves the lives of everybody who is gay or lesbian, or who loves gays or lesbians.
There are many people gnashing their teeth over this ruling. But for them, their lives don't change at all. They still go to their opposite sex spouses. Their children are still raised by opposite sex spouses. They likely worship at a place that doesn't cherish same sex relationships. Their lives are most likely rarely if ever touched by gays or lesbians.
Said simply: millions of people gained today
and nobody lost anything.
I still don't understand why it is so hard for the majority to recognize the rights of the minority, especially when recognizing those rights costs us nothing.
(on a side note, nobody "gave" our gay and lesbian citizens these rights... they have always owned those rights. It just took us this long to understand it).
Bravo to America. Bravo to Progressives who forced our Democratic leaders to "evolve" on this issue.
But most of all, Bravo to our Gay and Lesbian Americans (and their loved ones) who have come out over the years, at huge harm to themselves, which showed the majority that gays and lesbians really are just people... people who deserve the same rights as everybody else.
It highlights the asymmetry of this issue.
This ruling significantly affects the lives of millions of people in a positive way. It improves the lives of everybody who is gay or lesbian, or who loves gays or lesbians.
There are many people gnashing their teeth over this ruling. But for them, their lives don't change at all. They still go to their opposite sex spouses. Their children are still raised by opposite sex spouses. They likely worship at a place that doesn't cherish same sex relationships. Their lives are most likely rarely if ever touched by gays or lesbians.
Said simply: millions of people gained today
and nobody lost anything.
I still don't understand why it is so hard for the majority to recognize the rights of the minority, especially when recognizing those rights costs us nothing.
(on a side note, nobody "gave" our gay and lesbian citizens these rights... they have always owned those rights. It just took us this long to understand it).
Bravo to America. Bravo to Progressives who forced our Democratic leaders to "evolve" on this issue.
But most of all, Bravo to our Gay and Lesbian Americans (and their loved ones) who have come out over the years, at huge harm to themselves, which showed the majority that gays and lesbians really are just people... people who deserve the same rights as everybody else.
347
This is untrue, sadly. My marriage, and the marriages of 98.5% of the population who are straight and married to an opposite sex partner, have now been redefined. We've been "downgraded" from wives and husbands to "Partner A" and "Partner B". So yes, this affects us very directly.
And I speak as an 84-year-old woman, mother of a loving, loyal, thoughtful, caring and competent son. Those words are far more descriptive of who he is than any connected with his sexuality. Thank you to SCOTUS for moving our country closer to that realization.
2
"and nobody lost anything."
Precisely.
Precisely.
1
This is why my tears of happiness still flow. And why my younger selves are still in shock. Because marriage was something denied to that collective us when I was growing up. It was understood on a very basic level that a trip down the aisle into the arms of a man I love would never be. That whatever relationship I eventually had would always be less than everyone else's and always at risk of being somehow invalidated.
But now, because of courage and reason and, imagine this, an insistence on actually following Our Constitution, the landscape has changed. Those growing up gay now will find more acceptance than not. Will grow up knowing they can love, and marry, and have a family. Those growing up gay now will carry a burden that's a little lighter than those who came before. Those growing up gay now can dream a little bigger.
I think that's worth a few more happy tears.
But now, because of courage and reason and, imagine this, an insistence on actually following Our Constitution, the landscape has changed. Those growing up gay now will find more acceptance than not. Will grow up knowing they can love, and marry, and have a family. Those growing up gay now will carry a burden that's a little lighter than those who came before. Those growing up gay now can dream a little bigger.
I think that's worth a few more happy tears.
116
Right from the heart and soul of Frank Bruni. Nice work!
8
Thank You Frank. I cried when I opened up the NYT this morning and saw the headlines. I'm a 53 yr old lesbian who came out when I was 19 yrs old. I grew up in an Irish Catholic family in N.J. I never knew any gay people growing up, there were no gay people on T.V. and gay slurs were a common insult. When I figured out that I still loved men but only Fell In Love with women I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops. I did this by always coming out to people whenever I was asked if I had a boyfriend. The looks on people's faces back then were always shock but somewhere in me I knew that this was the way to educate people....with a loving - this is just who I am and you liked me before you asked that question how can you not like me now ?
Thank you to all the straight people out there who although confused at first eventually opened up their hearts and minds and stood beside us. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this day and to President Obama and Joe Biden.
Thank you to all the straight people out there who although confused at first eventually opened up their hearts and minds and stood beside us. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this day and to President Obama and Joe Biden.
19
Brava! I am 54 and gay, and I do likewise because of this advice from my lesbian older sister: straights "come out" as heterosexual all the time through very matter of fact comments and conversations, and we should always remember that and just do the same!
As always Frank Bruni has nailed it with heart and soul. My wife and I are proud of our new marital status and are happy for all those who will soon share with us the joy of being married.
In a year when so much distance has been gained for LGBTs it saddens me that Black Americans still hunger for civil rights. Let's turn our eyes to their pain and do whatever we can to outlaw racism in this country.
In a year when so much distance has been gained for LGBTs it saddens me that Black Americans still hunger for civil rights. Let's turn our eyes to their pain and do whatever we can to outlaw racism in this country.
18
Wow, I could have written this column, almost to a tee. I'm gay, 51, married, would probably have had kids if I were 20 years younger. Thank you for putting all of this into words.
9
I can speak for people my age on this type of situation because most of the people I'm around likes the same gender. I wouldn't judge because if their happy with the people and decisions in their life then why not be happy for them. Yeah, its a sin to be gay, but its also a sin to judge. Happiness, is happiness.
Not "it's a sin to be gay," but "I believe that it is a sin to be gay."
Learn the difference.
Learn the difference.
I'm a longtime fan of Mr. Bruni and his writings. This is by far the best column he has ever written, bar none. Bravo.
22
I was born left handed. Many times in school I was forced to deny my inherent left-handedness (when appropriate scissors were not available), and I did so. However, I never felt ostracized or belittled for my left-handedness, and never felt the need to "come out" as a lefty or face a world where using my left hand was considered deviant or sinful.
Here's to an America where those born gay face similar hurdles to those born left-handed.
Here's to an America where those born gay face similar hurdles to those born left-handed.
139
I'm probably a lot older than you (born 1942), and in the first grade I was forced to change my handedness. It was a traumatic experience, which to this day continues to haunt me. The process was also unsuccessful, except for writing (the activity which in school is most visible): my left side is simply so dominant that I can't use my right for any kind of fine-motor activity.
I wasn't called "sinful", merely "unnatural".
The analogy should be painfully obvious.
I wasn't called "sinful", merely "unnatural".
The analogy should be painfully obvious.
1
Construction Professional: Your story really resonates with me as my Father (who had he been alive today would have been 103) was born left handed and in those days he was subjected to corporal punishment whenever he picked up his pen in his left hand, that his Mom, my Grandmother, ran to be on the board of education in order to pass a rule that no student would be disciplined for being left handed. But because of the punishment, my Dad became perfectly ambidextrous, and he could write/hammer nails or do anything equally well with either hand. But he did not have to contend with hiding his sexuality, as he was hetero.
EW
EW
To me, it is important to realize that this won't fix everything. Changing our interpretation of guaranteed rights of individuals gives them legal protection, but the Constitution and the law cannot ever take away the basic dignity due to all men. If we only affirm that dignity because the law says we should, then we miss the point. My favorite point made in this lovely article is that gays are "tolerated," not accepted. This will not make people accept others, but it is certainly a step forward. As ever, we keep moving forward—maybe with a day to stop and celebrate a momentous victory.
3
Beautiful. I have tears in my eyes.
6
Dignity. Worth. Joy. America is truly becoming the land of the free.
9
Crying. Such a sad but still lovely, lovely thing to read on a lovely day.
Congratulations to all of us, but especially to the kids - kids who are gay, might be gay, or who live someone who is gay. Which is to say, all kids everywhere.
Congratulations to all of us, but especially to the kids - kids who are gay, might be gay, or who live someone who is gay. Which is to say, all kids everywhere.
9
I love you Frank Bruno.
There. I said it. I don't care who knows!!
There. I said it. I don't care who knows!!
22
Dear Frank Rich,
As you wrote, you may not "speak for everyone." But you speak of my struggle, my joy, and my history.
My complements, my respect.
As you wrote, you may not "speak for everyone." But you speak of my struggle, my joy, and my history.
My complements, my respect.
8
Thank you Mr. Bruni.
4
All i can say is WOW! What a column!
6
Everyone, no matter their orientation and identity, should be able to live and look forward to the same things on life that others take for granted. I remember some years ago, Andrew Sullivan wrote about how it affected him that his siblings grew up dreaming of love and marriage, while he did not believe there was a wedding in store for him. Our orientations are part of who we are and should not limit us, legally or otherwise.
11
Yeah, because STRAIGHT MEN really sit around and dream about weddings, bridal gowns, rings, flowers and wedding cakes! HA!
Plenty of straight adults do not marry, by choice. Most children today are born to unmarried (straight) parents.
Note: nobody ever anywhere, has ever denied anybody the right to love another person. That is an ugly falsehood.
Plenty of straight adults do not marry, by choice. Most children today are born to unmarried (straight) parents.
Note: nobody ever anywhere, has ever denied anybody the right to love another person. That is an ugly falsehood.
@Concerned: You are perpetuating a terrible gender stereotype, that men do not care for getting married and only do it under duress. While there certainly are men like that out there, what about the significant number of straight men who willingly propose to women, persuade them to marry them, and go about planning wonderful proposal ceremonies all on their own? YouTube is so full of these videos I can't even begin to list them. Please give men some credit for having a heart and wanting the comfort of a lifelong partnership too.
Next up: The swash-buckling cowboy with his six wives, all in a tranquil polygamous union, thanking the progressives for sanctifying their marriages.
Or will it be Joe and Jane Smith, brother and sister, who will finally be able to proclaim their incestuous union to the world to raucous applause?
Rejoice, liberals, and Justice Kennedy, because the joy will be short lived once you see what's waiting for you in Pandora's box.
Or will it be Joe and Jane Smith, brother and sister, who will finally be able to proclaim their incestuous union to the world to raucous applause?
Rejoice, liberals, and Justice Kennedy, because the joy will be short lived once you see what's waiting for you in Pandora's box.
3
You are on the wrong side of history and most of your fellow Americans. May you find the strength of character to realize that you are just flat-out wrong.
7
Whatever. Conservatives seem to be the only ones interested in plural marriage.
2
No one is advocating polygamous marriage. Get your mind out of the gutter. I am happy about this ruling because it ends discrimination against homosexual couples before the law. Personally, even as a married, white, heterosexual woman, I feel the government has no business in marriage, period, but we have so many laws favoring married couples. So if a couple is married, what does it matter if they are hetero or homo?
3
Sad that we again resort to the courts to decide something that the people should decide.
3
Slavery would have lasted another hundred years in the US (and might still be practised in some states) if it had been left to referenda. That's why it's a Republic, why it's representative democracy, rather than mob rule.
3
"Courts are people, my friend."
Mitt Romney----if only.
Mitt Romney----if only.
The states have had over a dozen years to get the job done. Every legislature in the nation could have voted for marriage equality and stated that we do NOT live in a fundamentalist Christian theocracy, thus equality before the law is required by government agencies. Too many states failed to do that in a timely manner, so they get told to do so by the SCOTUS. The same has happened with many other SCOTUS decisions. Some states need to have legislatures that actually pay attention to the real work of governing. If they had, the SCOTUS would have never had this case, as marriage equality would have been in force in all fifty states of the USA prior to 2015. If you do not want the SCOTUS to make so many decisions, then get your legislatures to pass the needed legislation before it reaches the SCOTUS.
2
An extraordinary, honest, beautiful column.
I am privileged to have read it.
We are all privileged that the strong among us never gave up, leading us to this day.
We are all so very lucky to see this day.
I am privileged to have read it.
We are all privileged that the strong among us never gave up, leading us to this day.
We are all so very lucky to see this day.
8
Wonderful, just wonderful!
4
Happy yesterday because all of us who depend on Obamacare to stay alive got to see the ACA upheld by the Supreme Court. Happy today for the decision that same sex marriage is a right. I feel like all of us who have lived on the fringes because of health, or sexual preference, or lack of money, now have a Supreme Court that cares. Happy two days for America.
18
Thank you, Frank Bruni, for a simply yet beautifully written column about what growing up gay was like for so many of us, and why today's decision may make it a different and much easier experience going forward. As a 60-year-old man who lived much of his life in shame and denial, I am joyfully stunned at the rapid advancement of gay rights in America, culminating in today's decision. Tomorrow, my husband and I (together 22 years) will celebrate our first wedding anniversary, knowing that we are legally married in all fifty states. While there are still many forces working against LGBT equality, the SCOTUS decision is a powerful legal weapon in our favor. I am so happy to experience a day I once thought I would never live to see. God bless America.
11
Thank you for this piece...it sums all my feelings, fears, and now happiness as a mother of gay sons.
168
Exactly my feelings today, as well. I just encouraged my gay son, a student in Manhattan, to get himself over to the Stonewall Inn today and take an historic selfie! Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for your story.
2
And I am the mother of a heterosexual son, and I share some of your happiness, that he will grow up knowing that homosexuality is just part of the human spectrum of sexuality, and not to be feared, attacked, or legislated against. My son will grow up knowing it is okay to be friends with your sons. A great day in our country. Blessings!
2
But that's not at all what SCOTUS says.
Have some champagne, Frank. Celebrate and hope for the future. The hard road just got easier though there will certainly be obstacles ahead. Congratulations to everyone who worked so hard for this day.
6
Beautiful piece. Tells a story for so many LGBT people. As a product of the sixties and straight I'm so glad to see this day come. A great week for this country. Not everyone embraces it though. My brother 14 years my junior, proudly says he has no problem with gays but tells me there seven points in the Bible that talk against same sex marriage. Still a ways to go, but hopefully more people will see that this is a matter of human dignity.
2
From this 51 year old Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I've been crying all morning. Thank you so much for eloquently expressing the true meaning of today for me (and for US). A sense of belonging and acknowledgement. Future generations will no longer have to live in the shadows or be marginalized. The cultural shift towards acceptance (not just tolerance) of the LGBT community has been codified.
The next big hurdle is equal protection under the Civil Rights Act, but I'll take this. Hell yes, I'll take this.
I've been crying all morning. Thank you so much for eloquently expressing the true meaning of today for me (and for US). A sense of belonging and acknowledgement. Future generations will no longer have to live in the shadows or be marginalized. The cultural shift towards acceptance (not just tolerance) of the LGBT community has been codified.
The next big hurdle is equal protection under the Civil Rights Act, but I'll take this. Hell yes, I'll take this.
13
Why that's me you are talking about. How could you possibly know my story so well and in such detail? We've never met. Yet you know my life story as if you, yourself, have lived it.
I love happy endings.
I love happy endings.
37
Thank you, Frank. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
15
"...they belong — fully, joyously and with cake."
And dancing in the street.
You've captured it beautifully, Mr. Bruni.
And dancing in the street.
You've captured it beautifully, Mr. Bruni.
27
What's especially wonderful about today's decision is that while granting long-delayed justice to so many it harms absolutely no one in any way.
The minority justices and some of the would-be Republican candidates are stretching very far to try to prove that the will of the people has been thwarted and the name of the Constitution has been taken in vain but that is not true any more than it was true when Loving v. Virginia or Brown v. Board of Education were decided.
Religious arguments against marriage equality aren't "wrong" so much as irrelevant to civil marriage. And it's delightful, though still irrelevant, to see how many religious organizations now support equality.
All of the changes of heart on this issue have been in one direction--toward equality and toward understanding that of course it is a question of equal rights and equal protection under the law.
The US is a little late joining most of the modern world in recognizing the right to marry but I'm sure we'll be warmly welcomed.
The minority justices and some of the would-be Republican candidates are stretching very far to try to prove that the will of the people has been thwarted and the name of the Constitution has been taken in vain but that is not true any more than it was true when Loving v. Virginia or Brown v. Board of Education were decided.
Religious arguments against marriage equality aren't "wrong" so much as irrelevant to civil marriage. And it's delightful, though still irrelevant, to see how many religious organizations now support equality.
All of the changes of heart on this issue have been in one direction--toward equality and toward understanding that of course it is a question of equal rights and equal protection under the law.
The US is a little late joining most of the modern world in recognizing the right to marry but I'm sure we'll be warmly welcomed.
24
For as long as I have read your writings in the NY Times, you have been thoughtful, brave, and interesting. Now you can be "just" thoughtful and interesting.
8
Wonderful column and I'm so happy about the decision. It's about time. There are several same sex couples in my neighborhood that I often talk to (well, usually one partner or the other) while walking my dog. I can't wait to say, "so, have you set a date yet?"
8
Please, let them bring up the subject first. I have read from so many that they do not want to be subject to that type of questioning. Just becasue the SCOTUS made it legal, does not mean there are a lot of other considerations that need to be taken care of first.
As a 51 year old gay man I thank you for articulating beautifully what many of us are feeling on this crucial day!!
17
This 53 year old gay woman feels just like you! And boy is that timeline familiar. What a great day!
Joyous day.
But also sad that it was not a unanimous decision. The four dissenters should be ashamed. Jesuitical argument does not make good law and is a poor mask for intellectual dishonesty. The Constitution has been honored and respected, not abandoned. And Scalia needs stronger and more confident clerks – to edit his road rage.
But also sad that it was not a unanimous decision. The four dissenters should be ashamed. Jesuitical argument does not make good law and is a poor mask for intellectual dishonesty. The Constitution has been honored and respected, not abandoned. And Scalia needs stronger and more confident clerks – to edit his road rage.
38
Thank you, Frank, for putting this into personal (and touching) words that illustrate the growing change in our society. I have such hope for my toddler son that he will grow up fully believing in himself no matter what his "wiring" is or for whom his heart beats. Rulings like today's give me even more hope and optimism.
15
Frank Bruni has written a beautiful column on this historic day. Those of us who are not gay cannot know the loneliness and confusion of gay and lesbian youngsters, but we have long known that complete fairness is required for all Americans and that unfairness hurts.
396
Stop writing Frank and go celebrate!
5
So many persons are joyful and happy today, because this will change their lives for the better. Most who are unhappy about it feel this way not because it personally affects them, but because they do not want it for others.
I am not gay, but I am thrilled for those who are.
I am not gay, but I am thrilled for those who are.
251
Few things can elicit strong emotional reactions from me. Like the 16-year-old, my heart was sealed off long ago, for many of the same reasons.
Yet after reading this, I find myself in tears. It's hard to articulate, to explain, the steady lifelong toll that accumulates from the demurring, the deceptions, the deflections, day in and day out. Most people understand now that "we want what they want" -- legal status, tax benefits, spousal privilege, cake.
But harder to grasp is the yearning for freedom from insecurity, the longing for normalcy, the aching for acceptance. The word that Justice Kennedy used -- most aptly -- was "dignity". It's a pretty little word, but it's also a flexible one. So I'm glad that you've written this, because it eloquently and elegantly elaborates on what today's decision was *really* about.
Justice Roberts got one thing right: the Constitution had nothing to do with it.
Thank you, Frank.
Yet after reading this, I find myself in tears. It's hard to articulate, to explain, the steady lifelong toll that accumulates from the demurring, the deceptions, the deflections, day in and day out. Most people understand now that "we want what they want" -- legal status, tax benefits, spousal privilege, cake.
But harder to grasp is the yearning for freedom from insecurity, the longing for normalcy, the aching for acceptance. The word that Justice Kennedy used -- most aptly -- was "dignity". It's a pretty little word, but it's also a flexible one. So I'm glad that you've written this, because it eloquently and elegantly elaborates on what today's decision was *really* about.
Justice Roberts got one thing right: the Constitution had nothing to do with it.
Thank you, Frank.
261
Don't you see what you're saying? "The Constitution has nothing to do with it" is a horrible precedent to set. I completely agree with gay marriage but this "ends justify the means" rationale the progressives are using is a slippery slope indeed. It's great that gays get the same rights now but wouldn't it have been better if the court had ruled states couldn't deny benefits given in other states while still allowing states to ultimately decide on whether gay people could get married just in their state? Robert's is right, the winds of change were at the progressives back but the majority opinion took away the momentum. Though you may believe, and almost 100% rightly, that opponents of this are on the wrong side of history, by taking the choice away from them they will become more embittered and make societal acceptance, which should be the ultimate goal, much harder to achieve.
1
Congratulations. Finally, a week where I can say I am so proud to be an American.
39
Such a candid, beautifully expressed essay, Frank. Thank you.
I've been watching the coverage all morning, and listening to interviews with the plaintiffs in this particular case. I've listened to the lovely voices of the Washington Gay Men's Chorus. And I've enjoyed seeing celebratory postings on Facebook from some couples I know who are thrilled they are finally legal all over the US.
But your essay goes far beyond the legal definition now of marriage. You speak to the heart of the matter, which is each person's self-worth and most importantly, self-acceptance. Sometimes it takes a landmark recognition from all the "others" that have scorned you--churches, courts, communities, political parties--to realize that yes, you too have formal recognition under the law to be who you are, without shame, regret, or apology.
And, here in the US, you can live your love out in the open, as the entire heterosexual population has been free to do since the dawn of time.
This is a wonderful day for America.
I've been watching the coverage all morning, and listening to interviews with the plaintiffs in this particular case. I've listened to the lovely voices of the Washington Gay Men's Chorus. And I've enjoyed seeing celebratory postings on Facebook from some couples I know who are thrilled they are finally legal all over the US.
But your essay goes far beyond the legal definition now of marriage. You speak to the heart of the matter, which is each person's self-worth and most importantly, self-acceptance. Sometimes it takes a landmark recognition from all the "others" that have scorned you--churches, courts, communities, political parties--to realize that yes, you too have formal recognition under the law to be who you are, without shame, regret, or apology.
And, here in the US, you can live your love out in the open, as the entire heterosexual population has been free to do since the dawn of time.
This is a wonderful day for America.
428
Christine,
As always, as with this beautiful column by Frank, you go right to the heart of the matter! Thank you for your always rewarding comments and your always heart-felt reactions to the GOOD columns in this newspaper!
Jo Anne
As always, as with this beautiful column by Frank, you go right to the heart of the matter! Thank you for your always rewarding comments and your always heart-felt reactions to the GOOD columns in this newspaper!
Jo Anne
2
Bravo, Christine! Eloquently expressed.
2
I can speak for a nearly 65 year old man.
I was filled with emotion today for a thing that I now have (2 years next month, after 41 years together)
I share some of the feelings written here, the essence being that I grew up with a feeling that I was and will never be a full participant. Life for me however was good so I didn't miss it, or rather, until now, I did not know what I was missing.
I went over to the Supreme Court the moment a friend of mine telephoned me of the decision today. Although I am married in Washington, DC, again I didn't anticipate the feeling of knowing that I am married in the country of my birth. I was (am) overwhelming happy and proud of my country.
That said, my husband and I, never refer to each other as husbands in unknown company. An example of that when waiting for him in the hardware store a clerk offered assistance and I stumble that I am just waiting for my ..... when I found the word it was friend.
Oh well, I still have a way to go, but now, thanks to today's decision I have a better chance of getting there.
I was filled with emotion today for a thing that I now have (2 years next month, after 41 years together)
I share some of the feelings written here, the essence being that I grew up with a feeling that I was and will never be a full participant. Life for me however was good so I didn't miss it, or rather, until now, I did not know what I was missing.
I went over to the Supreme Court the moment a friend of mine telephoned me of the decision today. Although I am married in Washington, DC, again I didn't anticipate the feeling of knowing that I am married in the country of my birth. I was (am) overwhelming happy and proud of my country.
That said, my husband and I, never refer to each other as husbands in unknown company. An example of that when waiting for him in the hardware store a clerk offered assistance and I stumble that I am just waiting for my ..... when I found the word it was friend.
Oh well, I still have a way to go, but now, thanks to today's decision I have a better chance of getting there.
271
Next time, I hope you say "husband."
"Life for me however was good so I didn't miss it, or rather, until now, I did not know what I was missing."
And that, precisely, is the hurdle I can't get over now. Perhaps I will, someday. I'm happy for the country, yes. For me, however, the last fifty years of my life will be difficult to accept now.
I can only say at this moment that the courage and the grace shown by the relatives of the slain in Charleston, noted by the President in his eulogy, was also a grace to me; an inspiration.
And that, precisely, is the hurdle I can't get over now. Perhaps I will, someday. I'm happy for the country, yes. For me, however, the last fifty years of my life will be difficult to accept now.
I can only say at this moment that the courage and the grace shown by the relatives of the slain in Charleston, noted by the President in his eulogy, was also a grace to me; an inspiration.
We Christians know how you feel.
Welcome to the club.
We didn't choose the persecution and judgment. We followed Christ out of love. And life has never been the same.
Welcome to the club.
We didn't choose the persecution and judgment. We followed Christ out of love. And life has never been the same.
1
Frank, you brought tears to my eyes. Like Judge Kennedy your words are soaring.
20
Mr. Bruni, I've always admired your writing and enjoyed your book Born Round, but here you have surpassed yourself. This is one of the most moving pieces on the subject that I have ever read. I wish you and yours much happiness in the years ahead.
9
You neglected to mention the young man who must have been in his late teens and early twenties and finally starting to come to terms with being gay when he witnessed a disease wipe out hundreds of thousands of members of the generation ahead of him, while a largely indifferent government stood by and much of the country blamed the victims for their own plight. Hard for me not to think of all of those folks today. But the world only spins forward indeed!
8
Or in a nation that marshaled it's reserves and medical research as no time other in history, and in a matter of just a few years, found a treatment for AIDS that reduced it to a chronic illness.
Certainly faster than they cured polio, and of course they have not cured things like cancer or diabetes in that time period, though many more people suffer from those things.
Certainly faster than they cured polio, and of course they have not cured things like cancer or diabetes in that time period, though many more people suffer from those things.
1
Beautiful piece, brought tears to the eyes of this middle aged straight guy. A great day for our country and to be celebrated by all of us.
62
I'm amazed at the stupidity of the argument we are still hearing from the opposing side: marriage was created in order to bond together a man and a woman who might have children together. Really? Have we ever, at any point, denied a 55-year-old woman the right to marry a man, even though that couple clearly can't have children? Even though "nature" or "God" clearly "designed" her to not be able to have children past a certain point in her life? Is it unnatural for her to marry the man she loves? Indeed, is the love between them inherently unnatural, something to be discouraged? Should we prohibit their marriages too?
The "marriage for pro-creation" argument is so internally inconsistent, as is the "nature" argument — it's also "natural" to start having babies as soon as you start menstruating. But a civilized society does not follow "nature" that way. We fight disease, we try to stop pain, we get ourselves out of the bush and into four walls, we make eyeglasses for people who are nearsighted, we prevent people from dying at age 30 of the flu.... the list goes on. The naturalistic fallacy is just that: a fallacy.
"Descriptive" is not "prescriptive": just because something IS or CAN BE a certain way does not mean it OUGHT TO BE done that way. A civilized society makes decisions on the basis of human and civil rights and the private and public good.
If you want to make the "marriage for procreation" argument, then agitate to stop older people from marrying. I dare you.
The "marriage for pro-creation" argument is so internally inconsistent, as is the "nature" argument — it's also "natural" to start having babies as soon as you start menstruating. But a civilized society does not follow "nature" that way. We fight disease, we try to stop pain, we get ourselves out of the bush and into four walls, we make eyeglasses for people who are nearsighted, we prevent people from dying at age 30 of the flu.... the list goes on. The naturalistic fallacy is just that: a fallacy.
"Descriptive" is not "prescriptive": just because something IS or CAN BE a certain way does not mean it OUGHT TO BE done that way. A civilized society makes decisions on the basis of human and civil rights and the private and public good.
If you want to make the "marriage for procreation" argument, then agitate to stop older people from marrying. I dare you.
21
Oh, I love your arguments! I hope you have a forum to debate your views. They are well-reasoned, and what people need to hear and think about. The procreation argument for marriage is why women are devalued unless they can deliver children, and at the same time, why children and women are altogether devalued in our supposedly advanced society. One's value to society does not alone lie in one's ability to reproduce. One's value consists in the ability to feel and demonstrate compassion and non-judgment of others' non-violent, harmonious will. It takes a village to rear all of us from the gutter, but some of us are "looking at the stars." Today is a good day in the USA.
1
Then ban marriage for women over 55. Because it's THAT IMPORTANT to preserve traditional marriage for everyone else, especially children in families (with their real mother and real father).
2
Thank you, Frank Bruni for never losing sight of truth-telling and making it beautiful in the process. You're a credit to the NY Times and I'm grateful for your writing.
11
Congratulations Frank! I am so happy for you and all GLBTQ friends that I have… and make no mistake.. this is a victory for ALL of America. I am so sorry for all the years of turmoil you suffered.. Hopefully, happy days are ahead.. and go out onto your FRONT YARD and kiss your partner!!
10
As a gay man in his late fifties, my reaction to the decision was quite profound and unexpected. While I was (of course) very pleased with the decision, I did not expect to wail and cry so profoundly as I did. I suspect my tortured gay soul of my youth re emerged and reconciled with me. I am truly touched and enlightened to finally be a first class US citizen. My thoughts and prayers go out to the brave men and women who paved the way to this historic day- i thank them for making this day possible.
103
Bravo! And thank you for this touching piece.
8
Oh, my. I am a 71 yr. old single male with no "dog in this hunt" as they say. Over my lifetime I have, glacially, painfully slowly, owned up to the fact that being gay is not a choice... and as such, to deny equality to gays is about as wrong as one can get. I personally wish I could apologize for all those snide thoughts and words I had as a young man. (But, hey, we were all foolish back then and young).
Today I smile and have tears running down my cheeks. Thanks
Today I smile and have tears running down my cheeks. Thanks
36
A *great* essay. Simply awesome.
9
I've had to fight off tears of joy since the decision was handed down.
But it's a really good feeling! :)
But it's a really good feeling! :)
8
Thanks for your insights Frank! Your article brought tears to my eyes. It's true that many, many people are not going to like the Supreme Court ruling. I, however, a 58 year old straight woman have been waiting for this decision and am so delighted about it! The thought that anyone in this country cannot be married in certain states, no matter how much they love each other, no matter how committed they are to each other is heart breaking in my opinion. If we are all created to be equal in this country, one of our basic foundational beliefs, then we should all have equal rights - that is what the Supreme Court ruled upon and I believe they got it right. Also, we supposedly have separation of church and state in this country - if it is religion that tells us that same sex love is wrong, then, again, the Supreme Court got it right - they separated church and state!!! This is a history making day in our country and I couldn't be more pleased!!!!
19
Darn it Frank, It's not enough that you have perfectly described the 71 years of my life. You had to go and say "with cake" and get me sobbing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
708
and thank you, Larry, for your beautiful contribution to this conversation. Congratulations to us all - gay and straight, old and young - for going to bed tonight in a country that was today made a little better for each of us.
2
Dear Larry,
From one Larry to another, please, PLEASE make sure you do in fact eat 'cake'. We have lived a long life of not getting to be who we are and always looking over our shoulder(s). We've learned how to live with that and be okay. While we have missed opportunities that the next generation and all those after them will get to have, it is because of us, our generation, that we're here. The battle was fought. We get to make the toast, we REALLY have something to be proud of -- something we fought for, that we earned and can pass on. I implore you: don't forget to eat celebratory cake, in honor of all those before us, with us, and who'll come after us. Cheers!
From one Larry to another, please, PLEASE make sure you do in fact eat 'cake'. We have lived a long life of not getting to be who we are and always looking over our shoulder(s). We've learned how to live with that and be okay. While we have missed opportunities that the next generation and all those after them will get to have, it is because of us, our generation, that we're here. The battle was fought. We get to make the toast, we REALLY have something to be proud of -- something we fought for, that we earned and can pass on. I implore you: don't forget to eat celebratory cake, in honor of all those before us, with us, and who'll come after us. Cheers!
1
I think this is a great thing. Most of my best friends are gay. They all have girlfriends and they are very open about them being gay. They are okay with gay slurs and jokes and it doesn't bother them at all. I thought that they should have passed legal gay marriage because in my eyes all people need to be happy. Some people are homophobic and I understand that. My used to be best friend parents are homophobic. They don't like us talking about our friends to them and it really bugs me because of the fact that they don't know them. I don't like it either when people judge other people just because of what they think is right or wrong. In gods eyes we are all one people and no one should judge. Most people think that when you are gay you're confused about what sexuality you like but that's not at all the case. My friends are gay because of what they have been through and who they like. They have been hurt before by the people who once said they loved them but it wasn't entirely true. People make such big deals about people being gay and what not but it is a very exciting thing and I love to see gays come together and stand as one. The 5-4 vote was really moving because now people can be happy and live the way they want to, but as long as we live on earth or the entire eternity as long as they're gay people who live amongst us, there will always be someone that has something negative to say. I love gay people. It doesn't matter if your a lesbian or a gay male. Equality is key.
4
No mention of gay women, Frank...? It's not just about gay men. Surely we can speak for men and women alike, if they are suffering. Suffering is suffering.
4
Oh, come on. Frank is a man. This is about him. All of the boys and men for whom he speaks in this essay are him, growing up. Get a grip.
3
You are right.
What you have pointed out is the absence of women, in this case gay women, in the media and everywhere.
How about it girls, step up and seize the day.
What you have pointed out is the absence of women, in this case gay women, in the media and everywhere.
How about it girls, step up and seize the day.
Mr. Bruni was obviously recounting his own experience growing up, hence the focus on being a gay male. No slight here, just speaking from his personal experience.
9
So poignant. Your window into each phase of life perfectly matches my own timeline. I agree, today's decision by the Supreme Court is about belonging. So much deeper even then weddings. Thank you.
14
Yes, It is about belonging. I finally feel that, fully, I belong!
Although I am politically and ideologically conservative, I applaud and celebrate that all Americans are now free to love and marry whomever they chose. Mr. Bruni, this is a beautiful column - thank you!
18
Good for you. Thank you for speaking up.
1
What a wonderful precedent of INCLUSION we are setting for today's children.
Hopefully they will not know the same scale of divisiveness, anger, and prejudice of so many who lived before them.
A great day to celebrate morality.
Hopefully they will not know the same scale of divisiveness, anger, and prejudice of so many who lived before them.
A great day to celebrate morality.
26
You must have known you were writing about me. You described so well how it felt for me growing up. I am almost a generation older and my timeline a bit different, but you still were writing about me. Because I live in Iowa, my husband and I have been married for a number of years but there was still this part missing that has now been added and it feels whole and right. Thanks again Frank for saying it and saying it so well.
Ron McClellen
Ron McClellen
15
This column mirrored my own life and thoughts.
Thank you for putting to words exactly what I feel, but better than I ever could.
Thank you for putting to words exactly what I feel, but better than I ever could.
7
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for such a beautiful and poignant essay.
7
Wow ... what a beautifully written article. To all those who still think discrimination is ok, remember that 6 of the 9 Supreme Court justices were appointed by a Republican President.
11
Thank you Frank, for sharing this beautiful piece of writing. Let us hope that America will continue to evolve in the right direction, to treat each citizen as truly equal, legally and politically.
7
Powerful, moving, eloquent. I am not gay. But I cried.
19
Mr. Bruni,
You are far more than "someone to be tolerated." You are a distinguished and celebrated columnist for the New York Times.
Thanks for another great piece.
You are far more than "someone to be tolerated." You are a distinguished and celebrated columnist for the New York Times.
Thanks for another great piece.
15
You know - its a nice column, but there's zero legal analysis.
In other words, like most people who will comment, because they think gay marriage should be legal {as do I} they make the *category mistake* of thinking that therefore the Constitution must provide for it, and that therefore the "right" decision is one legalizing it.
But this is essentially arguing that sound legal decisions should simply be political. The result is what matters, not the law.
I'm troubled by the reasoning supplied by this majority.
It is playing fast and loose with prior caselaw and with Constitutional interpretation.
Again...that won't bother you if all you are focused on is liking the result based on political rather than legal reasoning.
But one day... it might trouble even the most myopic.
In other words, like most people who will comment, because they think gay marriage should be legal {as do I} they make the *category mistake* of thinking that therefore the Constitution must provide for it, and that therefore the "right" decision is one legalizing it.
But this is essentially arguing that sound legal decisions should simply be political. The result is what matters, not the law.
I'm troubled by the reasoning supplied by this majority.
It is playing fast and loose with prior caselaw and with Constitutional interpretation.
Again...that won't bother you if all you are focused on is liking the result based on political rather than legal reasoning.
But one day... it might trouble even the most myopic.
43
While I recognize and respect differentiating between result and legal process (I for one think the Roe-v-Wade decision is poorly founded and bad law, even if I like the result), I don' think the same applies here. Yes, Kennedy pontificated a lot on the dignity of marriage and its importance to society, but ultimately that wasn't the legally binding part of the decision.
The final sentence of section b, subsection 4 perfectly lays out the legal ramifications of this decision. "The State laws challenged by the petitioners in these cases are held invalid to the extent they exclude same-sex couples from civil marriage on the same terms and conditions as opposite-sex couples."
In other words, you can't ban same sex marriage while allowing opposite sex marriage. You can have neither, or you can have both, but you can't pick and choose. Personally, I don't see how the four other justices managed to read the Equal Protection clause of the 14th Amendment without coming to the same conclusion.
The final sentence of section b, subsection 4 perfectly lays out the legal ramifications of this decision. "The State laws challenged by the petitioners in these cases are held invalid to the extent they exclude same-sex couples from civil marriage on the same terms and conditions as opposite-sex couples."
In other words, you can't ban same sex marriage while allowing opposite sex marriage. You can have neither, or you can have both, but you can't pick and choose. Personally, I don't see how the four other justices managed to read the Equal Protection clause of the 14th Amendment without coming to the same conclusion.
12
Oh, do lighten up. It sounds like you bought Justice Roberts "analysis" and dissent which would call for me and people like me to continue to have to prove that we are human to people who don't like us. And then let them vote on my civil rights, something that has never been required for any other group. Sorry, I just don't have time. I'm married, I have my spouse to love and support ,elderly parents to see to, and nephews and nieces to play with. If you really knew so much about the law, you would know that it's rarely as principled as it claims to be and interpretations change. Just pick up a standard American college history book and read. Now, if you don't mind. I'm going to party. Monday morning will be here all too quickly.
13
Do you any idea how many courts, how many transcripts and how many precedents it took to reach this decision at all?
As said, SCOTUS decided on DOMA, two YEARS ago.
Marriage equality has been legal in many states, such a MA being the first nearly TWELVE years ago.
The dissenters, virtually had NO evidence of negative impact, no facts before the courts, and no credible witnesses.
They usually end up invoking God as one, and the Bible or other religious references as such.
However, gay couples AND their children brought plenty of evidence, facts and credible expert witnesses.
SCOTUS has had plenty of time, and other courts and references by which to make this decision.
And a majority of states, more than at the time of Loving vs. VA from which to learn from.
Seriously, it couldn't have been more exceptional in just the OPPOSITE of what you say.
Gay people, in many other areas of life, and engaged all avenues legally.
And these changes by DUE PROCESS OF LAW.
If you think that's not legal enough for you, then maybe you're not educated enough on the history of SCOTUS itself.
As said, SCOTUS decided on DOMA, two YEARS ago.
Marriage equality has been legal in many states, such a MA being the first nearly TWELVE years ago.
The dissenters, virtually had NO evidence of negative impact, no facts before the courts, and no credible witnesses.
They usually end up invoking God as one, and the Bible or other religious references as such.
However, gay couples AND their children brought plenty of evidence, facts and credible expert witnesses.
SCOTUS has had plenty of time, and other courts and references by which to make this decision.
And a majority of states, more than at the time of Loving vs. VA from which to learn from.
Seriously, it couldn't have been more exceptional in just the OPPOSITE of what you say.
Gay people, in many other areas of life, and engaged all avenues legally.
And these changes by DUE PROCESS OF LAW.
If you think that's not legal enough for you, then maybe you're not educated enough on the history of SCOTUS itself.
13
Basic humanity, respect, affection, tolerance our best natures as humans.
9
Beautiful. My heart broke for the 12 year old, the 16 year old . . . and now leaps with joy for them all. They all have the option to make the same good, bad, productive, destructive, life affirming, and soul destroying choices in marriage that everyone else has! Welcome to the show!
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Whether gay, straight, or ?, one cannot help but be moved by this truthful, eloquent essay.
6
Thanks for sharing this, Frank. I love how you're so willing to share your personal reflections (I read your memoir 'Born Round' as well).
3
Beautifully written. This decision came shortly after the terrible event in Charleston, but it seems as though that released a burst of actions that are helping to set things right. Congratulations to you.
4
I'm very pro gay marriage.
but the majority's decision here was borderline inane to get to the political result they wanted.
That's cute when you like the result... it's not so much when it goes the other way.
I would humbly ask that people reflect on the sheer arbitrariness of these decisions, and how much power 5 lawyers, often very ideological {left even more than right due to interpretative style} should really have over us.
but the majority's decision here was borderline inane to get to the political result they wanted.
That's cute when you like the result... it's not so much when it goes the other way.
I would humbly ask that people reflect on the sheer arbitrariness of these decisions, and how much power 5 lawyers, often very ideological {left even more than right due to interpretative style} should really have over us.
5
The 5 lawyers would not have had to be involved if the state legislatures and governors had told the citizens that the USA is NOT a fundamentalist theocracy and that government decisions will not be made as if it were. There would have been marriage equality years ago in all fifty states. The SCOTUS has to sometimes do the work that the states refuse to do.
If you are not American and have not read our Constitution, as most Americans have in school at some point, then please read the 14th Amendment's equal protection clause, then re-read Kennedy's opinion. Then repeat these two steps, over and over, until you get it.
Thought I had gotten my act together, no longer crying, after hearing the news earlier. Then I read this, and the flood gates opened. This is a profoundly beautiful piece of writing, describing the monumental transition that has happened in my 64 years of life. You capture perfectly the positive implications of this decision.
Thank you so much!
Thank you so much!
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My thoughts exactly, Austin. As a gay man who will celebrate both gay pride and my 68th birthday this Sunday, I fully relate to your life long experiences over these many years. I celebrate this day!
9
Likewise. Isn't it wonderful to be crying tears of joy and to have so many good people to celebrate with?
4
Wow Frank!!!!! Great job! Thank you from all of America who believe in freedom for all.
22
Thank you for this moving article. Beautifully written.
28
Thank you Frank! So beautifully written. Those heartfelt words resonate strongly with me. Wiping tears from my eyes, I am so grateful for this good news today!
45
One of the most touching, affective and exquisitely crafted essays I have ever read. There is perfection and balance in both the content and the language. It should resonate deeply with every one of its readers of whatever sexual orientation.
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My thoughts exactly. Finally, I am officially and legally recognized for the equal that I am. I am a single lesbian, but not having a marriage or a wedding planned doesn't matter. The truth of my equality is finally realized and recognized from the outer world, not just within me.
And my first thought was for those who will come along in the future: they will grow up believing and and feeling their actual and rightful equality, an equality that is a universal truth that is beginning to be recognized as a human truth. And their rightful God-given equality will be recognized, and they will grow up with this knowing and will be happier for it. They will be subjected to less bullying, less rejection for no wrong, less exclusion from society and the social inclusion others take for granted.
As for me, I'm going to look for a bride!
And my first thought was for those who will come along in the future: they will grow up believing and and feeling their actual and rightful equality, an equality that is a universal truth that is beginning to be recognized as a human truth. And their rightful God-given equality will be recognized, and they will grow up with this knowing and will be happier for it. They will be subjected to less bullying, less rejection for no wrong, less exclusion from society and the social inclusion others take for granted.
As for me, I'm going to look for a bride!
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ANOTHER bride, CW!
4
Because you could not possibly have a relationship or partner or lover, unless you could get married.
Gee, even the hardest core religious nut does not believe THAT.
Note that amongst straight people -- who could always marry -- the majority do not, and prefer to live together without marriage. How do they manage THAT, when you say you cannot even form a relationship less you can marry that person?
Gee, even the hardest core religious nut does not believe THAT.
Note that amongst straight people -- who could always marry -- the majority do not, and prefer to live together without marriage. How do they manage THAT, when you say you cannot even form a relationship less you can marry that person?
1
Thanks, Frank. Beautifully written. I have tears in my eyes.
74
Oops! I find no grief for those who would deny rights which they already have...
7
A lovely piece, Mr. Bruni.
11
Whenever I see a column by Frank Bruni, I am always quick to read it, because I know he'll have something very interesting to say, something thoughtful, fresh, and well-put. But this was an exceptionally good column, very moving. It should be required reading for the dissenting justices.
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There are times when one is especially proud to be American. Things don't change quickly or easily, but they change. Someday Chief Justice Roberts will regret his vote. He is on the wrong side of history. To say that it is up to the States is the same tired, failed argument used (selectively) whenever one is on the wrong side of history. Once an idea is seen as 'wrong' by enough people it is no longer up to the States (see, slavery, Jim Crow, miscegenation laws, sodomy laws). Selective use of Federalism (see Gore v. Bush for eager Conservative embrace of Federal authority) is the death knoll for a logic based discussion. History will judge Justices Kennedy and Roberts by how they judged others.
544
>>Chief Justice Roberts will regret his vote<<
I think you misapprehend the nature of the vote cast. To my knowledge--and I haven't yet finished the dissents--none of the dissenters voted even vaguely opposed same-sex marriage. Their votes were against the finding that the Constitution required a specific outcome on a public-policy matter. If voting for separation of powers is being on the wrong side of history, we will all have more to regret than you think.
I think you misapprehend the nature of the vote cast. To my knowledge--and I haven't yet finished the dissents--none of the dissenters voted even vaguely opposed same-sex marriage. Their votes were against the finding that the Constitution required a specific outcome on a public-policy matter. If voting for separation of powers is being on the wrong side of history, we will all have more to regret than you think.
2
funny but being up to the states is what the Constitution says. You may want to read it sometime. It has guided us well for a long time.
sodomy is against the law?
A poignant and meaningful column.
But the 5-4 decision of the Court is a reminder that travails for today's gay 12-year-old are not entirely foreclosed.
But on balance a momentous day, a historic decision to be sure.
But the 5-4 decision of the Court is a reminder that travails for today's gay 12-year-old are not entirely foreclosed.
But on balance a momentous day, a historic decision to be sure.
285
Exactly. One vote on the Supreme Court decides a basic human rights issue.
5
Beautiful, Frank. A happy, happy day.
11
If only this month had not been marred by the murder of 9 black martyrs, then our joy would be complete - with marriage universal, healthcare nearly there and confederate symbols falling a cross this country.
I rejoice with all who rejoice. And I grieve with the grieving. But I find grief or even sympathy for those who enjoy rights and privileges but would deny them to others.
Let us not forget - as we rejoice - those who still suffer due to racism.
We must not stop till ALL Americans are treated equally.
I rejoice with all who rejoice. And I grieve with the grieving. But I find grief or even sympathy for those who enjoy rights and privileges but would deny them to others.
Let us not forget - as we rejoice - those who still suffer due to racism.
We must not stop till ALL Americans are treated equally.
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Typo in second paragraph: I find NO sympathy for those who deny to others what they themselves enjoy.
Let us resolve end ALL forms of discrimination and bigotry!
Let us resolve end ALL forms of discrimination and bigotry!
18
Oh, Frank ... what a magnificent piece. I hope many of those who oppose the decision have the opportunity to read this - it puts a lifetime of changes, personal and legal, into perspective.
Cue the trolls.
Cue the trolls.
120
Beautifully written, thank you.
9
With cake! Well said. I congratulate our entire country, and the enduring wisdom of our Constitution for recognizing that neither color, gender, nor sexual orientation can be used to discriminate. Now, if only the sad, embittered, religiously blinkered can open their eyes, their hearts, and their minds, to justice and equality. Hey, Pope, 'nuff said?
12
Wonder what is at stake in the election of 2016? Imagine who a Republican might appoint to the Supreme Court,........... and for heaven's sake vote for the Democrat, any Democrat.
191
So true. No Republicans please.
14
Exactly.
This is one election we need to all go and vote for the team.
I'd like to be Bernie, but who ever it is, I'll be voting for the Democrat.
This is one election we need to all go and vote for the team.
I'd like to be Bernie, but who ever it is, I'll be voting for the Democrat.
12
This moved me beyond words and tears - thank you for sharing your heart, Frank.
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It also ruled that everyone is equal before the law. As everyone should be.
32
Beautiful. Thank you!
8
Another day to celebrate doing the right thing. Today we have announced that equality is the right of our gay and lesbian citizens. Congratulations, America!
21
Thank you Frank, you have always written openly and from your
heart about so many issues, and now Justice Kennedy and found
the wisdom and courage to speak eloquently and change the lives
of people forever . We all deserve Dignity and Respect, and now it is law!
heart about so many issues, and now Justice Kennedy and found
the wisdom and courage to speak eloquently and change the lives
of people forever . We all deserve Dignity and Respect, and now it is law!
29
A truly wonderful article. Great job Frank!
17
Beautifully written.
21