I saw my boss, and my boss's boss, both die from this (resulting in heart attacks and open heart surgeries). That's when I left the corporate business world. Very mean place.
And over the years, I've formed two "sayings" that might apply here. They seem true -- to me at least. (As both are generalizations, it is understood there are always exceptions. But those exceptions still don't negate the general rule.)
-- "Those who have gotten ahead in life didn't do it by being nice."
-- ''People who seek (and gain) power are often the last ones who should have it."
And over the years, I've formed two "sayings" that might apply here. They seem true -- to me at least. (As both are generalizations, it is understood there are always exceptions. But those exceptions still don't negate the general rule.)
-- "Those who have gotten ahead in life didn't do it by being nice."
-- ''People who seek (and gain) power are often the last ones who should have it."
59
Ugh. We have one or two people who's behavior is so toxic that it poisons the whole unit. Management could care less.
23
I am a supervisor for a manufacturer and lead a team of 8-12 individuals at any given time. I started as supervisor a year ago so leadership is relatively new to me and it is a challenge every single day to improve myself on behalf of the welfare of my team. Some of the points made in this article really struck me. Upon honest reflection I have been someone who has been the receiver and, unfortunately but truthfully, the instigator of incivility in the workplace. But there is one thing I do that has worked out really well. I have a folder on my email account labeled “Awesome Sauce” where I shoot myself quick emails and copy other messages that highlight specific instances when my coworkers have performed exceptionally. Sometimes in the whirlwind of activity, we forget those specific moments when each of us has risen above expectations and performed admirably. When I meet with my workers 1 on 1 on a monthly basis, I include the bits of success that I captured from my “Awesome Sauce” folder. Most of the time they didn’t even remember what they had done, and being able to deliver praise for specific achievements, rather than some general “You’re doing great!” is something that motivates me and them to do better for each other. It’s so easy to get lost in the day to day fight, but tangibly demonstrating to people you trust in them and that you believe in their inner worth is the most gratifying experience of being a leader.
25
Three years ago I retired from a large Catholic university where I provided a ladership and management program for staff and faculty. We offered training in management to anyone who was interested in becoming a supervisor as well as for current managers.
Every day in America people who are untrained and perhaps incompetent have control over the work lives of millions of people. Every day more people are injured and harmed by psychological violence, callous decision making, and inhumane interpretation of policies than are harmed in workplace accidents.
No one promoted into management should be assumed to be competent and able to provide feedback, evaluate performance, set reasonable goals, communicate organizational values, hire, discipline, and motivate. In my more than thirty years in the workplace, very few people know how to do these things and do them well.
The "best" companies train their folks in organizational culture and management. The companies that tell us that "churn" is to be expected get exactly that.
In the seventies companies were urged to use the lean and mean model. It never worked, but still companies binge and purge staff in lieu of strategic planning. CEOs who look only up and out and never down to the ranks of le people achieving are responsible for the incivility and nastiness. Unfortunately, the board never realizes what is happening until the problem is very public.
Every day in America people who are untrained and perhaps incompetent have control over the work lives of millions of people. Every day more people are injured and harmed by psychological violence, callous decision making, and inhumane interpretation of policies than are harmed in workplace accidents.
No one promoted into management should be assumed to be competent and able to provide feedback, evaluate performance, set reasonable goals, communicate organizational values, hire, discipline, and motivate. In my more than thirty years in the workplace, very few people know how to do these things and do them well.
The "best" companies train their folks in organizational culture and management. The companies that tell us that "churn" is to be expected get exactly that.
In the seventies companies were urged to use the lean and mean model. It never worked, but still companies binge and purge staff in lieu of strategic planning. CEOs who look only up and out and never down to the ranks of le people achieving are responsible for the incivility and nastiness. Unfortunately, the board never realizes what is happening until the problem is very public.
18
Interesting to hear about the bully bosses who are brilliant in their field. My last boss before I quit corporate life to freelance/consult 22 years ago was an alcoholic, a bully, and incompetent, not necessarily in that order. All this was well known but I wanted that position within the company and took it. My talented predecessor had left for greener fields after having two heart attacks. I informed my boss that I would have no heart attacks under his regime and did my work steadfastly and well. I decided that I would never accept being bullied and interestingly, it did not happen, although he continued to do so to everyone else. I waited one year to establish a foothold as a valued employee in my job before reporting his behavior to his boss's boss and suggesting that if he didn't believe me, he could ask pretty much anyone else who had worked at the company for a while. I asked if he preferred to wait to take action until somebody's grandchild was mowed down in the parking lot when my boss returned from lunch plastered on martinis, a daily occurrence. I never heard another word but my boss was quietly put into a program and stopped drinking except on business trips. The bullying mostly disappeared. He never became competent but later retired with a nice pension.
14
errors fixed
My first thought, as an academic looking to find fault, was to search for errors in Professor Porath’s “No time to be Nice.”. There were none. She is right on target, including when she remarks that it does not take time to be civil, and the time it does take is not wasted. But what she might have also said is that blood pressure is high most often not in those who are bullied. Repeated acts of incivility harm the heart health of the perpetrator even more. The person showing compassion and empathy has the lowest blood pressure in the room. Then I thought about how much incivility is unintended, habitual and unconscious. That led me to think, “Oh self-awareness” is the key, and more mindfulness meditation is called for. But then I realized I had it wrong, fundamentally. The answer is not more self-awareness; it is more other- awareness. To get outside our own heads and see what is going on in the minds of others. We do not need to learn small behavioral lessons in civility, like make eye contact, wait for the other person to stop talking before you start, though that might help a little. We need a new approach entirely. We fail ultimately when we see ourselves as lone wolves or sole survivors in the game of life. We succeed at work and at home by acknowledging the efforts and humanity of those around us. Life is not a game. It is a vital energy that we have to share with one another.
Alex Zautra
Professor
Arizona State U.
&
Social Intelligence Institute
My first thought, as an academic looking to find fault, was to search for errors in Professor Porath’s “No time to be Nice.”. There were none. She is right on target, including when she remarks that it does not take time to be civil, and the time it does take is not wasted. But what she might have also said is that blood pressure is high most often not in those who are bullied. Repeated acts of incivility harm the heart health of the perpetrator even more. The person showing compassion and empathy has the lowest blood pressure in the room. Then I thought about how much incivility is unintended, habitual and unconscious. That led me to think, “Oh self-awareness” is the key, and more mindfulness meditation is called for. But then I realized I had it wrong, fundamentally. The answer is not more self-awareness; it is more other- awareness. To get outside our own heads and see what is going on in the minds of others. We do not need to learn small behavioral lessons in civility, like make eye contact, wait for the other person to stop talking before you start, though that might help a little. We need a new approach entirely. We fail ultimately when we see ourselves as lone wolves or sole survivors in the game of life. We succeed at work and at home by acknowledging the efforts and humanity of those around us. Life is not a game. It is a vital energy that we have to share with one another.
Alex Zautra
Professor
Arizona State U.
&
Social Intelligence Institute
21
Sadly this problem abounds at all levels and it starts in childhood. Parents are so alone these days if they hope to teach their children civility. They send their children out into the world to be exposed to all kinds of verbal abuse and bullying. . . and to engage in it. My 14 year old nephew is angry with me because I refused to give his parents anymore money for their rent (after 8 months of bailing them out). With fiendish cleverness he texted me a picture of the villain from an animated film, with a quote that would be censored here. Oddly this child is relating to a villain who killed a number of superheroes and planned to destroy major cities around the globe. Is it merely uncivil conduct or far more when a 14 year old can let his feelings rip?
15
Workplace incivility is simply a reflection of the incivility of the society in which it occurs. Thus, well-meaning questionnaires and "sensitivity training" come too late to make any substantive difference because the underlying social habits are so deeply ingrained that the superficiality and insincerity of the interventions is immediately apparent, defeating their objective. The United States, despite its belief that it is a "civil" civil society, is quite the opposite: If familiarity breeds contempt, these workplace problems, simply a reflection of a general disrespect for others reflected in Americans' ignorance of boundaries, will continue to plague the workplace. For example, addressing total strangers by their first names (e.g., on a customer service call), considered "nice" and "informal" in the U.S., is regarded with shock by many non-Americans. Interrupting someone else's speech, speaking abruptly, walking into someone else's office unannounced: these are parts of a basic culture of "nice" but fundamentally harmful disrespect that is endemic in America. If the work environment is ever to improve, this is what must change first.
19
I came up through a large Corporation at a time when this behavior (called at the time - "Theory X") was celebrated and approved. Of course over time this behavior has supposedly been banished. It is now called a "Non Threatening Environment". Sure.
My wife has always worked in a White Collar Environment. Mine has been a bit more Blue-Collar. She claims they are more Civil & "Professional" in her World. I always say "Honey - the only difference between your world and mine is when they Stab you in the back, they Slip the Blade in Quieter & say "Pardon Me".
I have endured several of these "Uncivil Bosses" over the years. The last one followed me around & drove me to the point where I thought I was having a Heart Attack. He was a New Manager, & quite incompetent. Higher Management & HR supported him regardless of the fact he had Several HR flaps brewing at once. I was told I could not leave & there was nothing I could do about it. "Oh Ya"?
I retired by week's end . This "Limited Thinker" was So clueless in his Fantasy World, he actually told me before my final day, we would have a Great exit interview. Surprise - NO way I would be doing this to massage his Ego. My last day, (which I skipped) happened to be the 1st - April Fool's Day.
I now do almost the same work for a outside Contractor. Anytime I encounter these Uncivil Bosses I remind myself I don't work for them. It is very freeing.
I am Fortunate. Thousands aren't. They must endure these Uncivil Bosses daily.
My wife has always worked in a White Collar Environment. Mine has been a bit more Blue-Collar. She claims they are more Civil & "Professional" in her World. I always say "Honey - the only difference between your world and mine is when they Stab you in the back, they Slip the Blade in Quieter & say "Pardon Me".
I have endured several of these "Uncivil Bosses" over the years. The last one followed me around & drove me to the point where I thought I was having a Heart Attack. He was a New Manager, & quite incompetent. Higher Management & HR supported him regardless of the fact he had Several HR flaps brewing at once. I was told I could not leave & there was nothing I could do about it. "Oh Ya"?
I retired by week's end . This "Limited Thinker" was So clueless in his Fantasy World, he actually told me before my final day, we would have a Great exit interview. Surprise - NO way I would be doing this to massage his Ego. My last day, (which I skipped) happened to be the 1st - April Fool's Day.
I now do almost the same work for a outside Contractor. Anytime I encounter these Uncivil Bosses I remind myself I don't work for them. It is very freeing.
I am Fortunate. Thousands aren't. They must endure these Uncivil Bosses daily.
39
Mean bosses may say their bullying is a result of being "overloaded", but it is mostly likely the coping skills they learned in childhood or even a personality disorder. Their behavior is not likely to be diminished without a lot of ongoing therapy and a real interest in understanding themselves and others. Clicking on this article is not a very likely scenario with a boss who bullies, especially one who is narcissistic. In that case, discernible harm to one's morale and health is inevitable. Get out sooner, than later!
31
I have a boss who interrupts every meeting with unimportant cell phone calls and texts. Every Friday we have a designer/estimating meeting to schedule for the following week and myself and my two other colleagues stand around waiting for our boss while he takes call after call that can definitely wait until after the meeting. Our meetings go for twice the amount of time than need be and the result is frustration and anger.
13
We have only to look at our leadership to understand how incivility and rudeness have taken such a hold on the American culture. The disrespect paid to each other in the Congress of the United States and the sheer contempt many of those leaders show toward the President and his office are almost palpable. Why should the individual citizen show any more respect toward his fellow man, when such blatant animus is displayed daily on our TV screen? Always look to the top when examining a problem within society.
140
In 26 years of being employed for a number of organizations, the norm has been rude, patronizing, insecure, supervisor’s in low-moral, toxic and abusive environments. Employers want loyalty, commitment and respect but it is never offered in return. My position has always been that it is more important (to my psyche) that I am not treated this way than that I continue to work for you.
I am currently heading into my final year of a fairly well-regarded engineering school and I don’t know that I have, in my lifetime, run into a more callous, self-centered, impersonal, group of individuals (students as well as faculty).
I often wonder if the bullying phenomenon is not a direct result of the ongoing cultural disregard, disrespect and stigmatization of the humanities in higher education. Possibly this has been the case for some time. I just recently polished off Dagobert Runes (A friend of Einstein’s) “Letters to my Teacher” and he questions how Hitler’s Germany and Stalin’s Russia could possibly be at the pinnacle of science yet wake up one morning to begin slaughtering millions.
Rightly or wrongly he blasts institutions of higher education for “taking God (love and humanity) out of schools and leaving the devil in them – the devil of arrogance, the devil of prejudice, the devil of greed, and the devil of envy, the devil of denunciation, and the devil of aggressiveness, the devil of subservience and the devil of egotism”.
Perhaps he's on to something?
I am currently heading into my final year of a fairly well-regarded engineering school and I don’t know that I have, in my lifetime, run into a more callous, self-centered, impersonal, group of individuals (students as well as faculty).
I often wonder if the bullying phenomenon is not a direct result of the ongoing cultural disregard, disrespect and stigmatization of the humanities in higher education. Possibly this has been the case for some time. I just recently polished off Dagobert Runes (A friend of Einstein’s) “Letters to my Teacher” and he questions how Hitler’s Germany and Stalin’s Russia could possibly be at the pinnacle of science yet wake up one morning to begin slaughtering millions.
Rightly or wrongly he blasts institutions of higher education for “taking God (love and humanity) out of schools and leaving the devil in them – the devil of arrogance, the devil of prejudice, the devil of greed, and the devil of envy, the devil of denunciation, and the devil of aggressiveness, the devil of subservience and the devil of egotism”.
Perhaps he's on to something?
29
Thank you for this article . Sadly, I have experienced all described namely the rudeness, condescending and disrespectful manners of an employer. It is important to be reminded that a smile and a thank you as mentioned, can have such a tremendous impact on an employee and performance.
10
One thing not mentioned in the article is that being kind (eg. attentive, forgiving, thoughtful, respectful, etc.) to others makes one feel happier. And perhaps leads to better health in the long run.
So, be kind -- do it not for others, but for yourself.
And if you have kids, try to convince them, before they leave for college, that they'll have more fun if they put down their smartphones and engage fully with the people around them than they would if they "multitasked".
So, be kind -- do it not for others, but for yourself.
And if you have kids, try to convince them, before they leave for college, that they'll have more fun if they put down their smartphones and engage fully with the people around them than they would if they "multitasked".
10
Christine you have made my day with your article on
Civility & Politeness that needs to be etched in stone & put in all the corridors of power or shall I say transient power.
How long are we going to live & when we live why hurt a fellow human being.
Good lord has given different abilities to different people,all cannot write so well like you do,some only can read & rejoice,let's admire the diversity of varied skills & learn to be have empathy for our fellow travellers on earth.
Sorry to hear of your dear dad's life threatening hospitalisation due to uncivil behaviour.
Let's make a solemn pledge to be polite.
I request the NYT to campaign the United Nations to make Christine Porath's birthday " World Politeness day"
This is one day we all can universally rejoice in Polite happiness.
Civility & Politeness that needs to be etched in stone & put in all the corridors of power or shall I say transient power.
How long are we going to live & when we live why hurt a fellow human being.
Good lord has given different abilities to different people,all cannot write so well like you do,some only can read & rejoice,let's admire the diversity of varied skills & learn to be have empathy for our fellow travellers on earth.
Sorry to hear of your dear dad's life threatening hospitalisation due to uncivil behaviour.
Let's make a solemn pledge to be polite.
I request the NYT to campaign the United Nations to make Christine Porath's birthday " World Politeness day"
This is one day we all can universally rejoice in Polite happiness.
7
When will the mean spiritedness which has been permeating many parts of our culture stop?! And please don't tell me that I'm pinning for days that only existed in movie fantasies! Once upon a time, and yes even in the 1960's and 1970's things were better, especially human interactions! For example, and even with the supposedly more crime, and indeed graffiti vandalism, we didn't need signs that said assaulting a Public servant is a crime! We didn't have to worry that the driver next to us was going to flip out! We didn't have to worry when going to a sporting event, that we might wind up sitting next to an abusive lout! Shall I continue?! And don't let me get started on the bosses and our co - workers! There might have been a few mad men (and women!) but on the whole, civility reigned!
14
I think it would be a rare person who has never had a mean or bullying boss; I have had several. Working for a bully puts you off balance and makes you doubt yourself and live in fear-which is what the bully wants. I had one boss who bullied me, generally and, once, screamed at me on the phone with such venom that her secretary called me at home later that day to find out how I was. Had I reported this undeserved abuse, as I should have, this same boss would not have been able to escalate her bullying to a point that I felt I had to leave a long, otherwise successful position. By not reporting her outrageous behavior, when I had a witness, I allowed her to have power over my life. Her kindly secretary died from cancer while working for this witch-no doubt as a result of the stress this boss caused. If all employees would stand up to their bosses by documenting and reporting bad behavior, maybe our work culture would begin to change.
81
I had a boss at my last company who to say the least was all the things mentioned in this article. He is a bully in every sense of the word. Nobody likes him, nor do they respect him. Moral is very low. I left that company and work for a competitor that treats It's employs very well. I very happy at my new job. I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't have to take abuse from anyone let alone your boss. If your boss is bully or a jerk move on. Its not work your health to stay in that environment.
9
Oh Man. Looking back at age 65 I can tell you this is prevalent on almost every job. I had 2 good bosses in my life. One was Vietnamese and the focus was on the group, not the individual. Everyone was advanced as far as they could go and I tell you we would all have followed him off a cliff. Once I was talking about some bullying behavior and he in a truly puzzled fashion asked "why do they do that?" He truly was a non political animal and worked harder than anyone else. The other was head of a department at a major University. She would make comments like "This is what we have to do. I don't like it anymore than you, but you are professionals so I know you know what to do. We are affected by politics" I guess the most outstanding characteristic was their honesty and lack of selfish ambition at the expense of others. As a result the team was loyal and wished them well all the time.
Alas, not everyone is so enlightened and the 30 something people out to make it big view every situation in terms of what is good for them and to hell with everyone else. Selfishness is the defining characteristic of the bad boss. Me. Me.Me. Toxic. Toxic. Toxic.
Alas, not everyone is so enlightened and the 30 something people out to make it big view every situation in terms of what is good for them and to hell with everyone else. Selfishness is the defining characteristic of the bad boss. Me. Me.Me. Toxic. Toxic. Toxic.
22
Worked with one boss when I was just out of college who was combination of the "attributes" mentioned. Fortunately I was young enough to just be able to ignore them and understood that their behavior was not a reflection on me or the result of anything I did wrong. I also worked remotely most of the time (another state) and didn't have to endure it as much as the people who worked in the office. I often wondered why those older people (30's & 40's) stayed with the company with such vitriol being spewed all the time. They're older and should be smarter, right? WRONG! They stayed and stayed and complained all the while.
I figured that if I ever had to work in the office exclusively I would try to work in a different division or move to an entirely different company instead of putting up with that!
This was in the 80's and 90's when jobs were plentiful. Any one of these people could have moved along to a competitor or another industry easily. They had top-notch resumes and experience. the fact that they stuck with this lunatic and endured his C.R.A.P. tells me that THEY also had emotional/coping issues and may not have done so well in a "normal" environment.
I don't think people need a PhD dissertation to understand that spending 8+ hours a day in hell will affect them. Negatively.
Why stick with such a crappy environment? My only explanation was that they had WORSE environments at home, or when they grew up, and this was somehow (sadly) an improvement.
I figured that if I ever had to work in the office exclusively I would try to work in a different division or move to an entirely different company instead of putting up with that!
This was in the 80's and 90's when jobs were plentiful. Any one of these people could have moved along to a competitor or another industry easily. They had top-notch resumes and experience. the fact that they stuck with this lunatic and endured his C.R.A.P. tells me that THEY also had emotional/coping issues and may not have done so well in a "normal" environment.
I don't think people need a PhD dissertation to understand that spending 8+ hours a day in hell will affect them. Negatively.
Why stick with such a crappy environment? My only explanation was that they had WORSE environments at home, or when they grew up, and this was somehow (sadly) an improvement.
5
I wonder why leaders of companies/organizations allow toxic people manage others. I worked for one organization where the director of the large subunit was a toxic, nasty person (so I left). This person was eventually promoted to a higher level position within the larger organization because he had "clout". Organizations give the message that this behavior is ok and it becomes part of the culture. I've left two positions in my career because of "bad bosses". One of these positions was my dream job but I realized that we, the staff, were not likely to change the unit leader so I had to leave. If it becomes so bad that one's health is affected, then its time to leave. If you have a heart attack because of your job, then shame on you for not leaving the toxic environment.
5
The most egregious violations come from the United States Post Office toward its employees. Talk to anyone working for the USPS and you will learn that from the counter people to the carriers the morale is very low; so much so that it seriously affects relations with the public.
My son was a carrier. Evidently he had a predisposition for auto immune disorders and developed Parkinson's Disease shortly after having to leave his job because of PTSD and other physical problems. He could not deal with the supervisors. Most are scrapings from the bottom of the barrel. One manager was transferred to my son's office after having smashed a worker into a glass door. This is the way the PO handles problems. Just transfer the problem to another office.
What I learned later was that supervisors and managers get bonuses for saving the PO money by not hiring new staff and by bullying the workers to get through their routes as quickly as possible. I never heard of bonuses to government workers. Did you?
I believer that my sons Parkinson's would have been warded off until his old age instead of at age 56.
My son was a carrier. Evidently he had a predisposition for auto immune disorders and developed Parkinson's Disease shortly after having to leave his job because of PTSD and other physical problems. He could not deal with the supervisors. Most are scrapings from the bottom of the barrel. One manager was transferred to my son's office after having smashed a worker into a glass door. This is the way the PO handles problems. Just transfer the problem to another office.
What I learned later was that supervisors and managers get bonuses for saving the PO money by not hiring new staff and by bullying the workers to get through their routes as quickly as possible. I never heard of bonuses to government workers. Did you?
I believer that my sons Parkinson's would have been warded off until his old age instead of at age 56.
10
Incivility is inexcusable but the behavior as listed are so nonspecific, I defy anyone to spot a USEFUL performance review that doesn't have elements that can be classified a "judgmental."
Dr. Sapolsky and I had a graduate mentor in common. This fellow was never uncivil or unprofessional, but he would not hesitate to address your professional shortcomings in meetings. He evoked stress, intentionally, for the sake of improving us, but many found any kind of criticism, no matter how factual or tactfully delivered, cruel.
Capable leaders will always be demanding and judgmental, they will tell you what you do not know (which might be interpreted as "talking down"), and a productive environment will never be without stress.
Dr. Sapolsky and I had a graduate mentor in common. This fellow was never uncivil or unprofessional, but he would not hesitate to address your professional shortcomings in meetings. He evoked stress, intentionally, for the sake of improving us, but many found any kind of criticism, no matter how factual or tactfully delivered, cruel.
Capable leaders will always be demanding and judgmental, they will tell you what you do not know (which might be interpreted as "talking down"), and a productive environment will never be without stress.
7
The thug's boss is often the most common reason that thuggish behavior continues its damage to other employees and to the organization. Bullies are inherently cowards, and it is the knowledge that there is a protective hand over their head that gives them the courage to mistreat others. So here is a rule for the HR book: If you get complaints about an employee's behavior, put his / her boss also on the mat as an accomplice.
8
Negativity begets negativity. Reading through the comments, this concept is certainly proving true. It appears the impact of some people's civility on others has created a very negative outlook for most on this board.
I have read a few that resonates with my belief...we own our own happiness. If those that encountered uncivil individuals resisted the urge to act in accordance, the momentum could be turned.
Unfortunately, some people are just truly negative (for whatever nature or nurture reasons). There are those rare individuals that remain civil and kind even in the most dire situations (ie, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, etc.). The rest of us (which is the very large majority) have the ability to choose who we will be and who will influence us. Choose to be kind and align yourself with those allow you to live in that manner. That may require you to change jobs/professions. It should certainly be a vital aspect of your decision on where to work (ask the right questions to find it's a fit).
Not all groups, companies or corporations are bad. Work for and support those that aren't.
I have read a few that resonates with my belief...we own our own happiness. If those that encountered uncivil individuals resisted the urge to act in accordance, the momentum could be turned.
Unfortunately, some people are just truly negative (for whatever nature or nurture reasons). There are those rare individuals that remain civil and kind even in the most dire situations (ie, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, etc.). The rest of us (which is the very large majority) have the ability to choose who we will be and who will influence us. Choose to be kind and align yourself with those allow you to live in that manner. That may require you to change jobs/professions. It should certainly be a vital aspect of your decision on where to work (ask the right questions to find it's a fit).
Not all groups, companies or corporations are bad. Work for and support those that aren't.
2
The author is part of this disturbing movement that one sees on social sites like Linkedin where the focus is all about how the employee is being treated. Rarely do any of these "don't rock the boat" prophets take the employee to task. Yet, from what I have observed, it is truly the employee--not the boss (their psychotic behavior is nothing new)--whose self-centered and air of entitlement is the thing that causes organizations to work less efficiently. Companies would do a whole lot better if most of the "Human Resource" know-nothings would have less authority and people would just do their job and quit complaining because their boss doesn't treat them like their Best Friends, Mommy and Daddy. We don't need more "experts" whose zeal to avoid conflict results in more herding and boring workplaces where everyone's feelings are on the verge of being damaged...
5
My grandfather's advice: be slow to invite others to use your first name. "It is so much harder to be rude if they have to start addressing you with 'Herr ...' ."
10
I just quit a fascinating job of 7 years. Primary reason: My boss didn't really like me that much; not his kind of woman. He very smartly used me, appreciatively!, to figure out things that his kind of man often missed. I had a great time learning how his kind of man views the world. And once I knew, out the door. The only ability he never tapped was my ability to be a friend. Dumb!
5
Incivilities at work mirror a larger societal problem right through to terrorism, George Washington wrote about civility along with other founding fathers...It is time for us to readopt some of these reasonable values aimed at creating a more humane America altogether.
6
Unfortunately, one thing that's worse than rudeness and incivility at work is complaining or even just mentioning it at work, which only compounds and magnifies a bad situation - a vicious cycle. Throw away employee manuals, which have no legal standing anyway; they create a false illusion of "fairness." Complaining or just raising issues - as a subordinate employee - will only boomerang on you. It's like shooting yourself in the foot. If you do complain today, you'd better hope to win the lottery tomorrow.
11
Is incivility getting more common and more extreme at work, or are we getting more sensitive? And is the perception of greater incivility perhaps related to the increased number of females in the workforce? What a man sees as simple male grumpiness a woman might interpret as a hostile work environment. Men and women really are different, and in myriad ways.
Like I have told my employees and my kids--you don't have to like each other, but you do have to be cordial. Don't treat a coworker or a sibling worse than you would treat a stranger on the street. We're sorta all in this together, and the togetherness is far easier to tolerate if you just show a bit of empathy and follow the Golden Rule. Which means, for instance, in my family, it is quite okay if my kids and wife ignore my birthday and Father's Day. In fact, I prefer it. Like a lot of guys, I think contrived holidays and celebrations like those are more a hassle than anything. But if the kids empathize just a little bit regarding their mother, they'd see that doing the same would get her feelings hurt. It's the notion of thinking of other's feelings first, and just because it may be a bit trickier with females (who ever really knows, except Mel Gibson and then only in a contrived movie setting, what women are thinking?) doesn't excuse the need to do so. In fact, if men know what's good for them, the fact it's harder nigh well compels the consideration.
Like I have told my employees and my kids--you don't have to like each other, but you do have to be cordial. Don't treat a coworker or a sibling worse than you would treat a stranger on the street. We're sorta all in this together, and the togetherness is far easier to tolerate if you just show a bit of empathy and follow the Golden Rule. Which means, for instance, in my family, it is quite okay if my kids and wife ignore my birthday and Father's Day. In fact, I prefer it. Like a lot of guys, I think contrived holidays and celebrations like those are more a hassle than anything. But if the kids empathize just a little bit regarding their mother, they'd see that doing the same would get her feelings hurt. It's the notion of thinking of other's feelings first, and just because it may be a bit trickier with females (who ever really knows, except Mel Gibson and then only in a contrived movie setting, what women are thinking?) doesn't excuse the need to do so. In fact, if men know what's good for them, the fact it's harder nigh well compels the consideration.
Once again liberals misunderstand what work is. Work is not family, it's not love - it is a place where you work and get paid for your work and then go home. Those who accept work for what it is are fine; those who expect more get ulcers.
1
I had seven progressively more responsible jobs over the course of 35 years and retired at age 55. I worked for department heads and elected officials. I saw the damage first hand that lack of civility could do to subordinate staff. Elected officials were the worst, especially arrogant, temper tantrum throwing judges, an insecure court administrator who was dismissive, indifferent and relied on a series of snitches to get information, and a department head who was a time thief ....I was pretty far up the food chain and still it had an effect on my overall sense of well being. Retirement is bliss.
6
As I read this I thought, what is the cumulative effect on women and minorities who suffer these kinds of indignities every day, inflicted by the entire culture?
Respect needs to be made a priority for all.
Respect needs to be made a priority for all.
10
Duh, to capitalize is to take advantage of, profit from, make the most of, exploit. It is not a community communicating .
Money does not care if you are rude.
Money does not care if you are rude.
4
I feel like I won the prize re vicious bosses. Mine treated me so badly he actually broke the law re the Americans Disability Act. It cost me my health and the company a lot of money.
Three years after I left he sent me an anonymous letter with a veiled death threat. My wife, a psychiatrist, was terrified and assumed he wouldn't stop. He was long gone from the position he had when he was my boss.
Fortunately I never heard from him again.
Three years after I left he sent me an anonymous letter with a veiled death threat. My wife, a psychiatrist, was terrified and assumed he wouldn't stop. He was long gone from the position he had when he was my boss.
Fortunately I never heard from him again.
8
I worked at a state agency years ago.
Several years in to my tenure there, we got a new boss in our department. Things had been very dysfunctional for years and had been getting worse.
The new boss was a political pick, highly unqualified, very young, painfully inarticulate.
He decided the first thing to do was interview all 80 or so people in the department one-to-one.
Then he reported back to the group in a meeting, not a memo, what he had heard in the interviews. The number one thing -- as soon as people sat down they told him who in the department was worthless, a bully, incompetent, dishonest and needed to be fired right away.
Now, you take an extremely poor work environment that seems like it can't get worse, but always manages to anyway, and then pull everybody together to tell them that all anybody wants to tell him is why others should be fired, and what do you think will happen?
A lot of time dysfunctionality takes on a life of it's own, and meanness and uncivil behavior follow the death spiral to the bottom. Bullying can become the currency of hatred.
Several years in to my tenure there, we got a new boss in our department. Things had been very dysfunctional for years and had been getting worse.
The new boss was a political pick, highly unqualified, very young, painfully inarticulate.
He decided the first thing to do was interview all 80 or so people in the department one-to-one.
Then he reported back to the group in a meeting, not a memo, what he had heard in the interviews. The number one thing -- as soon as people sat down they told him who in the department was worthless, a bully, incompetent, dishonest and needed to be fired right away.
Now, you take an extremely poor work environment that seems like it can't get worse, but always manages to anyway, and then pull everybody together to tell them that all anybody wants to tell him is why others should be fired, and what do you think will happen?
A lot of time dysfunctionality takes on a life of it's own, and meanness and uncivil behavior follow the death spiral to the bottom. Bullying can become the currency of hatred.
8
You don't need to study this for 17 years, or even look over the business transom. It's everywhere. The simple social lubricants of "Good morning," "Please," and "Thank you" are increasingly MIA from our social lives.
My laboratories are walking on the beach and riding my bike. In other words, very non-threatening environments and people doing the same thing. And as bikers, we know that we are in a sort of dangerous club, always danger at hand.
The number of people who don't respond to a civil "Good morning," on a dawn beach walk is astounding. Mostly, the just ignore me. Mostly, they tend to be young. OK, at 69 most folks are young, but you catch my meaning. As I was about to make a sexual assault on the females, and I don't know what about the males.
On the bike, as an example, I'm on the sidewalk because the street has high speed traffic and no bike lane. Another bike rider is coming towards me, I will leave the sidewalk and go onto the grass, partly because I have a mountain bike (yes, in Florida, but it came from Colorado!) As often as not, the other rider will go on his way without saying a word. Well, I do!! "You're very welcome!"
I do not suffer fools. I let them know that they are lacking in the social graces.
Unfortunately, they are winning.
My laboratories are walking on the beach and riding my bike. In other words, very non-threatening environments and people doing the same thing. And as bikers, we know that we are in a sort of dangerous club, always danger at hand.
The number of people who don't respond to a civil "Good morning," on a dawn beach walk is astounding. Mostly, the just ignore me. Mostly, they tend to be young. OK, at 69 most folks are young, but you catch my meaning. As I was about to make a sexual assault on the females, and I don't know what about the males.
On the bike, as an example, I'm on the sidewalk because the street has high speed traffic and no bike lane. Another bike rider is coming towards me, I will leave the sidewalk and go onto the grass, partly because I have a mountain bike (yes, in Florida, but it came from Colorado!) As often as not, the other rider will go on his way without saying a word. Well, I do!! "You're very welcome!"
I do not suffer fools. I let them know that they are lacking in the social graces.
Unfortunately, they are winning.
9
There are two golden rules. One is 'the guy with the gold makes the rules' and the other is 'treat others as you would have them treat you'.
The second one is better.
The second one is better.
6
Anyone who works in an office should familiarize themselves with the DSM-IV or whatever it is now. Narcissism, paranoia, bullying and bpd abound. The label doesn't begin to describe how toxic it can get.
There are also employees that believe when one is nice at work one is weak. That's the way they think.
There are also employees that believe when one is nice at work one is weak. That's the way they think.
12
Sounds like Scott Walker and Chris Christie, and they want to be President?
18
The personality traits needed to get a promotion by impressing your superiors with your aggressiveness are different from the traits needed for leadership as an executive. That's why the people who win executive positions are so often ineffective in getting the people under them to work together.
10
Oh, and remember the good old days when a job meant you had a single primary function and weren't required to"multitask"?
16
I have a distinct memory from when I was around 6 years of age ( a very long time ago!). A school assembly had been called. The headmistress announced she would offer a treat to any of us who knew the two magic words. All hands shot up and a chorus of voices called out, "Please and thank you". Those two magic words are the corner stone of civility and need to be taught from the cradle upwards. I drummed them into my three children and now I am the harpy constantly reminding teenage grandchildren. Texts from the 17 year old along the lines of, "yo, G'Ma, need a ride from school" are now replaced with "Hi G'Ma, wondering if you could give me a ride home. Thank you." They think G'Ma is "old" and stands too much on formalities. I think a little ,"please, thank you, congratulations, your ideas are interesting" and variations on the same go a long way to forming a civil society. The passing of the latter I now mourn.
9
In my day, employees had value; now they are an expense to be tolerated.
26
Rudeness and bad behavior have been around longer than cell phones. Ebenezer Scrooge wasn't much of an exaggeration. Victorian era employees were certainly treated worse than modern day ones. What made the biggest difference to working conditions for most people was the rise of labor unions, government imposed wage & hour laws as well as safety regs. I don't think it's much of a stretch to trace the decline of unions, the attack on government regulations & lax enforcement of wage & hour laws to the rise of the "get the government off our backs" mentality. Thank Ronald Reagan. But those who came after have done a very thorough job of gutting the safety net for workers by systematically starving the public sector. As a result, the SEC's regulators are overmatched by the companies they should oversee. Most states don't begin to have enough inspectors to catch the likes of McDonald's & Walmart from abusing wage & hour laws. And it's all done under the guise of "getting government off our backs" & helping the "job creators". It's no wonder incivility in the workplace has taken such a nose dive. If you're willing to decline to provide sick leave, parental leave, health insurance, a pension, not to mention actually steal wages and change schedules at will, it's not such a leap from that to seeing employees as lesser beings. And that being the case, why shouldn't you treat them badly. They deserve it. If they were any good, they'd be the boss, wouldn't they?
10
I would strongly recommend that the public look at the presidential candidates and find out what it was like for the folks who worked under them. Not direct reports, the people who get the public's work done.
2
I took the quiz and some of it is outdated. So what if people check messages during meetings?
Courtesy, like everything else, has been monetized. It is not to be squandered! Ir can only be spent where it brings a profit.
4
Being near retirement now, I question whether we are less civil. I see that we are more civil. That the bad old days of yelling bosses have gone mostly away.
1
Amazing! Let's bring this article to the attention of everyone we know.
4
I am an avid reader, but it is seldom that I am compelled to read a book twice. Having said that, I just re-read Business Secrets of the Trappist Monks: One CEO's Quest for Meaning and Authenticity by August Turak - for the third time. His take on creating transformational organizations is a refreshing alternative to the all-too-common toxic work environments about which Ms Porath writes. I'd highly recommend it.
2
Geez......which (unannounced) presidential candidate treats people with disrespect and is known for his bullying behavior? I'm sure we all got it right: Christie! Now, it could be we're all wrong and he's not a bully, but I tend to believe where there's smoke there's (some) fire. Christie will do just about anything to get ahead and toss everybody and the truth overboard to get what he wants. Is this the type of leader we want? I don't want a jerk running my office environment nor do I want a jerk as President.
10
Why we show men bosses only? Women can be as bad or even more! I have not seen a picture of a woman in this article! I think my colleague is as bad as this article portrays.
15
Fish rots from the head. The very top people have to care about how their executives manage, and get rid of the jerks regardless of performance on the numbers. Otherwise, the message gets out it's OK to be a jerk and the whole thing goes down from there.
10
Experienced first hand terrorism from a psychopathic boss. I attribute his behaviors and the resulting stressors as a primary cause of my cancer at a young age.
4
I've run my own company for close to 21 years, and had employees for about 18 of those 21 years. I tell them to do what I do myself, understand that every contact with another human being, whether it is a customer or a colleague, is a sales meeting.
You are selling yourself in every personal encounter, and you're selling both yourself and the company in business encounters (even with competitors). There are times when you don't want to "make the sale", but in the vast majority of situations you most definitely do. Sometimes it really is a sales meeting.
In any case, in general the saying, "you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar" combined with the golden rule works very well.
You are selling yourself in every personal encounter, and you're selling both yourself and the company in business encounters (even with competitors). There are times when you don't want to "make the sale", but in the vast majority of situations you most definitely do. Sometimes it really is a sales meeting.
In any case, in general the saying, "you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar" combined with the golden rule works very well.
2
Much of this is regional. I lived and worked in New York City for a quarter century. I was very used to the work climate there. Aggressiveness, pushiness, profanity, and downright rudeness were common place. The were acceptable. I have now lived outside of NY for almost as long and have never seen this type of culture to the same extent elsewhere. On a recent trip to NYC I asked a shopkeeper which of two products I should purchase and he told me, with a smile, "I don't care what you buy." It wasn't witty, it wasn't funny, and I wasn't in an episode of Seinfeld. It was awful and made me walk out without buying anything.
3
I learned long ago that as a boss most of failures were mine because I failed to see a problem coming down the pike ahead of time, or prepare people for the challenges that they might face. . That I have to learn from the people that work for me. Its your job as a boss to prepare your people for success, equip them for that success, and to recognize that success. To instill if you don't know ask, because its easier to answer a question than fix a mistake.
And when that person moves on, are better for having worked with you.
And when that person moves on, are better for having worked with you.
1
I read someplace that the number one reason people leave their jobs is because of a bad boss. In the last year, 2 people I know left their jobs for that reason. They were very good at what they did and leaving hurt the companies. Years ago I also ran from a job because of a crazy boss. Now I am a boss and I always say please and thank you. I try very hard to make the work environment one I would want to join. Its paid off. We are now a successful organization.
7
But, it is what the management wants....
Birds of a feather....
Birds of a feather....
2
As long as behaviors like compassion and empathy are viewed as unnecessary or weak leadership behaviors, society will continue to suffer the effects of incivility.
In the book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu suggested
“Treat your men as you would your own beloved sons. And they will follow you into the deepest valley.”
Imagine what might happen if this was practiced on a more regular basis.
In the book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu suggested
“Treat your men as you would your own beloved sons. And they will follow you into the deepest valley.”
Imagine what might happen if this was practiced on a more regular basis.
7
i can attest that ultimately, the wheels of justice will grind the bully boss into irrelevance. but slowly. I think back at my 13 years with the boss from hell, and how lucky I am now, spending the next 13 years of my working life in a kinder environment. Though the pay was less, I worked much harder for the kind boss, and delivered good work. the mean boss could have gotten a good employee as well, but instead got someone who took up space, marking time.
1
The corporate philosophy. Don't make friends at work be a jerk if you want to work here. By the way you don't need any other skills, just be a jerk and report any corporate dissent and you will fit right in here.
4
Having worked for McCann-Erickson a huge amount of time, I have seen everything described in this article... and worse. What's worst, working in the advertising industry you get this grief from your bosses AND from many clients.
5
What an interesting (and I assume unconscious) gender tell here: "Some people are seen as competent but cold — he’s very smart, but people will hate working for him. Or they’re seen as warm but incompetent — she’s really friendly, but probably not very smart." Anybody else catch that?
6
It seems now, that any call for more "civility" is immediately shot down as "political correctness" and ridiculed. I don't understand how, on the one hand, we HAVE made much progress with women's equality and gay rights, but on the other hand, there's hardly any civility anymore. Many folks don't even know their next door neighbors today, whereas 50 years ago, entire blocks used to get together regularly for parties, BBQ's, etc.
3
Common courtesy is the grease of society. And like sense it's not that common anymore. Toxic people in a workplace or just about anywhere else ooze unease.
You can sense all of the air being sucked out a room when these people enter it.
You can sense all of the air being sucked out a room when these people enter it.
5
Vocational training is a toolbox for preventing workplace telepathy is part of being human if we want to have a cultural change for the better is to practice ethical and moral
' “like crack addicts as the box was buzzing,”' Why didn't he have them turn off the phones and get even more attention from the people?
1
I've been fortunate to work at a firm – for the past 38 years – that is consistently rated one of the "best places to work" in my city. A few observations: civility and respect for others begins at the top; it does not take that much effort – a smile and pleasant countenance when encountering others and knowing everyone's name from top to bottom; Mutual respect snowballs – once most of the work force behaves civilly, those who do not are outcasts. Productivity increases and most important loyalty increases. We have many many people who have worked at our firm all of their lives.
2
Isn't the rudeness and incivility described in this article just a reflection of the male-dominated culture women have been complaining about? Isn't it precisely this environment that discourages talented women from staying in the workforce once they become mothers?
8
Instead of treating this well thought out article in a serious manner, once again the New York Times thinks it is fashionable to take cheap shots at the male gender with outlandish cartoons of raging men in the workplace.
Despite what the folks at on the editorial board at the New York Times may want you to believe is that incivility in the workplace can come in a variety of ways no matter what the gender of the boss may happen to be.
And if you take the time to closely read this article you will also come to the same conclusion that Professor Porath also sees that incivility is not a male or female problem, but a problem of behavior.
Despite what the folks at on the editorial board at the New York Times may want you to believe is that incivility in the workplace can come in a variety of ways no matter what the gender of the boss may happen to be.
And if you take the time to closely read this article you will also come to the same conclusion that Professor Porath also sees that incivility is not a male or female problem, but a problem of behavior.
3
Working with union workers can be demoralizing because they won't allow others to outshine them in performance. Everyone will be mean towards you until you learn to slow down and milk the process.
3
Yes, but you must also look at the flip side. In many non union workplaces, workers are treated as non humans. They are used up and abused and not allowed a decent quality of life. There must be a middle ground.
1
In re: this article, most of us can say that when we die we will go to Heaven because we have spent our time in Hell: Life on this Earth.
4
Then there is always the "I'll see you in the parking lot after work" therapy for all this.
3
This is depressing. Where are the managers I knew 25 years ago? I think the smoking gun is the MBA cohort, promotions should not be based educational qualifications only.
10
Many of these management people are incompetent and they are on power trips of some sort. They like to target people and if you are over 55 in corporate America get out ASAP. It is a brutal survival for many in the American work force today almost like "the hunger games" and survival. I know I worked for a major fortune 500 company for decades and could write a book about unfairness, favoritism, bullying, etc.
6
That's because the super-capitalists of America have shown us that it's a dog-eat-dog world in this country and we should obey.
8
Government settings can be horrible. "Who you know" gets you the job, and "no show" and "low show" jobs abound. Yes, it's illegal, but no one cares. People who have to come to work (!) have the expected low morale. The unfairness of the situation hangs over the place like a heavy fog that never lifts.
6
In my industry, you can get away with making a scene once, maybe twice.
Slamming doors, yelling, banging on the table went out in the 80s. People just won't listen to you if you carry on constantly. Calm reason and teamwork is the order of the day and we're glad for it. The boss doesn't swear, but the rest of us cuss like sailors sometimes just because it's fun to do.
Slamming doors, yelling, banging on the table went out in the 80s. People just won't listen to you if you carry on constantly. Calm reason and teamwork is the order of the day and we're glad for it. The boss doesn't swear, but the rest of us cuss like sailors sometimes just because it's fun to do.
2
The first several years I worked in state govt union membership was withheld to,part time workers under a cost savings plan. I had the worst run of supervisors because I was the only one not union and the only one who as a single parent desperately needed regular employment. And sad to say the bosses were females with male managers who,looked the other way. When I got my union card, there may have been an undercurrent at times, but no boss ever swore at me again and my issues were generally resolved without incident.
4
I am fortunate to have worked in a civil organization for 28 years. One behavioral goal for the company is "Respect for the Individual" and my managers walk the walk on this one. The upshot is that the workers will step up to challenges, even on nights and weekends when there are no managers around. We've picked up a lot of new customers through the years when a competitor couldn't fill and emergency order for one of their customers, but our people would move heaven and earth to make it happen.
2
Thanks for writing on this important topic. I teach World Studies to tenth graders. Civility is best transmitted to our youngsters by modeling it at home and in the classroom before they embark on a vocation. Cell phones silent and face down on the desk, eyes on the teacher, one person talks at a time, and everyone's opinion is respected and appreciated. Civility is the grease that makes the gears of the world turn smoothly, and it is best applied by parents and teachers.
3
Although I would not wish a tyrannical boss on anyone, it is somewhat comforting to see my former assistant principal written about with such clarity and insight. Unfortunately I am still unemployed due to her special leadership skills. As a former Catholic school teacher, today I wonder why our Pope doesn't first spend more time cleaning up his own house and schools before trying to take on the rest of the world.
2
When I first came to my current position eight years ago, I worked for a woman for the first 3.5 years of those eight years who made it her job each day to destroy everyone who worked under her. I asked my female colleagues if it was because I was a male and my female colleagues assured that no, she treated them like dirt as well. I wondered if she was a repressed married lesbian, and my lesbian colleagues assured me, that no, she treated them like dirt as well. I wondered if it was because she was foreign-born and I was native-born, and no my foreign-born colleagues assured me, no, she treated them like dirt as well. Was it my PhD (my supervisor only had a Masters). No, my masters colleague said she treated them like dirt as well. Since I don't believe in Satan, I concluded she was mentally ill.
Unfortunately in the public education hierarchy, 1) it is hard to remove such people and 2) in our case HER supervisors (our college's president) just didn't care (she was too busy feathering her own nest).
After my supervisor retired, things improved marginally. However, this woman ruined so many people's attitudes that even today, 4.5 years later, there is no sense of even the most basic collegiality in our work unit. The only interaction I and my fellow instructors have to say "Hello" in the hall as we pass each other at work.
Unfortunately in the public education hierarchy, 1) it is hard to remove such people and 2) in our case HER supervisors (our college's president) just didn't care (she was too busy feathering her own nest).
After my supervisor retired, things improved marginally. However, this woman ruined so many people's attitudes that even today, 4.5 years later, there is no sense of even the most basic collegiality in our work unit. The only interaction I and my fellow instructors have to say "Hello" in the hall as we pass each other at work.
7
The Peter Principle.
After someone rises to their level of incompetence, they can get self-conscious, defensive, rude, argumentative and despotic...even unconsciously, misery loves company, so they spread it around.
Fortunately, not universally, unfortunately, companies seem loath to demote, opting instead, if they take action at all, for the "perhaps you'd be happier somewhere else" boot out the door.
After someone rises to their level of incompetence, they can get self-conscious, defensive, rude, argumentative and despotic...even unconsciously, misery loves company, so they spread it around.
Fortunately, not universally, unfortunately, companies seem loath to demote, opting instead, if they take action at all, for the "perhaps you'd be happier somewhere else" boot out the door.
The best solution I've found to this problem which has disturbed me since I started working in my 20's. I am surprised, however, that gender and age weren't mentioned in this article because they are central to this issue.
2
The "uncivility" quiz misses the mark.
When the boss is uncivil, it doesn't mean the co-workers are uncivil.
What it means is that no one works collaboratively because no one feels that collaboration will have any positive meaning to the boss.
And each day, each co-workers lives in fear of being trashed by the boss.
When the boss is uncivil, it doesn't mean the co-workers are uncivil.
What it means is that no one works collaboratively because no one feels that collaboration will have any positive meaning to the boss.
And each day, each co-workers lives in fear of being trashed by the boss.
2
Good use of scientific method to examine such a prevalent problem. My best work was under a boss who created a sense of adventure and seemed to admire our work. Another boss, bullying, overly critical had so many of his staff leave, the company "promoted" him into a tiny office by himself.
1
In the five large financial companies I've worked for, people have almost always been civil and courteous, and the few jerks built a reputation and didn't move up the corporate ladder. Not every workplace is toxic.
2
I was raised as an only child by parents who were just out and out nice, good people. I learned that you didn't talk about yourself and your own accomplishments but turned the conversation around to center on those you were interacting with.
Right out of college, I wanted to see the world so I became a flight attendant. Although it was wonderful to travel everywhere, what I loved the most about it was that I could be helpful and kind to people...like I had been raised to be.
I then went into management for the same airline. Initially I thought I would just fit right in, by working hard and, more importantly, praising co workers who excelled at what they did. Over the years, regretfully, I found that even though people appeared to be nice, they were only artificially so. Once they got behind the closed doors of their offices their goal was to extricate those who, no matter how good their people skills were, dared question or defy what they had determined was the course the company should take.
They feigned attention and acknowledgment to suggestions from their workers, but they had already made their minds up about all of their decisions. And, most insidiously, I was thanked more times for a job well done in the 9 years I was a flight attendant than in the 24 years I spent in management.
So guess what? I exited the toxic, back stabbing , mean office environment and returned to the skies last year. I have never been happier.
Right out of college, I wanted to see the world so I became a flight attendant. Although it was wonderful to travel everywhere, what I loved the most about it was that I could be helpful and kind to people...like I had been raised to be.
I then went into management for the same airline. Initially I thought I would just fit right in, by working hard and, more importantly, praising co workers who excelled at what they did. Over the years, regretfully, I found that even though people appeared to be nice, they were only artificially so. Once they got behind the closed doors of their offices their goal was to extricate those who, no matter how good their people skills were, dared question or defy what they had determined was the course the company should take.
They feigned attention and acknowledgment to suggestions from their workers, but they had already made their minds up about all of their decisions. And, most insidiously, I was thanked more times for a job well done in the 9 years I was a flight attendant than in the 24 years I spent in management.
So guess what? I exited the toxic, back stabbing , mean office environment and returned to the skies last year. I have never been happier.
12
This is closely analogous to the parenting style that relies on demeaning insults and hectoring to "raise" children. We often wonder why a child so raised would himself choose to become such a parent; but like all forms of abuse it invents and imposes an inescapable dichotomy: be the perpetrator or be the victim. I've worked in organizations whose young managers often adopt the bullying style of their senior managers, despite having complained bitterly about the very behaviors to which they now subject their direct reports. It takes exceptional self-awareness, and no small amount of bravery, to choose a different way.
8
My father was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis during tenure at his office. His boss not only made the workplace hostile, but would frequently make snide comments and belittle him for being "slower,"knowing very well that he had MS. Shortly after my father's resignation (as he felt disability would be more tolerable than his hostile work environment), he had a heart attack. Day in and day out, my father's workplace took such a drastic toll on his mood that it cemented his perspective on the workplace. Thank you so much for writing this article and exposing the REAL consequences of the lack of common courtesy in the workplace. Hopefully it is read and heard by the right people.
11
And what about the charming TSA workers at our airports who make me cringe as they treat the people who pay their salaries, and our visitors, as if they were cattle. I had to say "good morning" to one security official three times last week before I got a resentful response. If the United States ever turns fascist the rudeness will turn into something far more sinister.
4
As a consultant deeply involved with manifestations of workplace incivility outside of the laboratory, I note that this discussion of interpersonal behavior at work, particularly by bosses, fails to sufficiently address organizational climate and culture. For every jerk of a boss I have to coach and for every imperious leader I investigate, I find that a decision has been made to allow, tolerate and condone bad behavior because of someone's talent, level of production or eminence. "They have gotten good results" stands as an undisputed reason to overlook the bad behavior or to retain the toxic human, while the path behind them is littered with broken subordinates. Occasionally, I find myself surprised when a CEO decides the hideously rude IT Director is not longer an asset, or the Managing Partner tells the head of litigation to change behavior or be prepared to leave, but after 30 years of practice in this area, I find this to sadly be the exception. The author rightly speaks to the importance of tying decent interpersonal conduct to business results... and those of us on the ground will continue to do so, because employees need to understand that they deserve far better than many of them are getting.
14
I think at times these "uncivil" contexts exist because too many--higher-ups and not--believe this is how it is *supposed to* work. Too many managers don't seem to think that "management by walking around" is useful and so rarely if ever really understand what others do, the skill involved, and more. Plus, the image of "The Boss" is one of top-down dominance, even though it not only does not have to be that way but is likely less productive to do it that way.
If the goal is greater success across the board then why not treat more as if we really care about their success. Success can be "bottom line" but it can also mean competence, career development, greater recognition for individuals, companies, universities--or even a greater appreciation for those in government who help us get what we need. Those things are not mutually exclusive (making money and personnel success and competence).
And another writer is indeed correct: this is not just about technology's influence (texting during meetings etc.); tech is only a vehicle for rudeness and disrespect. We can't do our own job without the help and support (or leadership) of others and too many seem not to understand that.
But not everyone can simply quit a job where they are treated poorly, as nice as it is to have that sort of autonomy. But too many think that they must remain silent or are "risking" too much. Well, bullies can fire you whether or not you are "nice" to them.
If the goal is greater success across the board then why not treat more as if we really care about their success. Success can be "bottom line" but it can also mean competence, career development, greater recognition for individuals, companies, universities--or even a greater appreciation for those in government who help us get what we need. Those things are not mutually exclusive (making money and personnel success and competence).
And another writer is indeed correct: this is not just about technology's influence (texting during meetings etc.); tech is only a vehicle for rudeness and disrespect. We can't do our own job without the help and support (or leadership) of others and too many seem not to understand that.
But not everyone can simply quit a job where they are treated poorly, as nice as it is to have that sort of autonomy. But too many think that they must remain silent or are "risking" too much. Well, bullies can fire you whether or not you are "nice" to them.
4
It's not about civility. It's about narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders, incompetent people addicted to power etc. My experience with a toxic workplace (I teach at a college) tells me we have some very sick people in our country and they all want the corner office. Forget therapy when you can play Machiavelli. These managers' supervisors are generally indifferent to the suffering being created.
19
An issue to study would be why incivility flourishes. Simplistically, incivility could be equated with evil and civility with good. Generally, evil accords more immediate and greater gains than good does for the respective adherents.
Civility is another word for manners, long ago cited as the grease of society. There's a post concerning this, specifically Emily Post circa 1920, "Etiquette is honesty, respect and consideration."
Civility is another word for manners, long ago cited as the grease of society. There's a post concerning this, specifically Emily Post circa 1920, "Etiquette is honesty, respect and consideration."
2
I didn't read all these comments, but what stands out among the ones I saw is the civility of those who are commenting. Appropriate for the subject, but unusual for internet discussions where, all too often, it doesn't take long for those commenting to start hurling appalling insults at those with whom they disagree.
How might we make this particular rational exchange of ideas a model?
How might we make this particular rational exchange of ideas a model?
2
After working as a lawyer/advisor to executives for decades there appears to be one trait the truly fine ones exhibit, the ability to hear themselves as others do. While listening to others is important hearing yourself as others do is crucial. The ability to do so allows the "boss" to fine tune his/her approach to employees and customers. It also proves the executive is able to truly see others and is not lost in the hubris of high office that so often is responsible for abysmal and counter productive behavior.
2
The worst environment I ever worked in was when I had a boss who was bipolar, but who only took medications when he was depressed. The guy was a doctor; he knew what he was supposed to do. His unpredictable rages contrasted with attempts to be "nice". He pretended to like people and then trash-talked them behind their backs. It was a good day when I walked out of there.
The second worst environment was a large law firm. Most of the young associates were immature, nervous and intolerant of any situation that didn't go exactly as planned. Every task was an "emergency" to them. Even the stupidest, dullest corporate documents were "emergencies" because the partners above them were squeezing them to work faster. I recall one female attorney standing in the middle of the word processing center, screaming, "You must do this now. Right NOW. Do you hear me?". She was purple and her jugular veins were distended. She looked like a lunatic. Right there, I realized that being a lawyer in a big firm was one job I would never pursue.
The second worst environment was a large law firm. Most of the young associates were immature, nervous and intolerant of any situation that didn't go exactly as planned. Every task was an "emergency" to them. Even the stupidest, dullest corporate documents were "emergencies" because the partners above them were squeezing them to work faster. I recall one female attorney standing in the middle of the word processing center, screaming, "You must do this now. Right NOW. Do you hear me?". She was purple and her jugular veins were distended. She looked like a lunatic. Right there, I realized that being a lawyer in a big firm was one job I would never pursue.
5
Paying attention, acknowledging others, listening, speaking kindly are some good starting points for anyone trying to improve any environment. Perhaps the greatest contributor to today's incivility is e-mail. The anonymity provided is a perfect excuse for ignoring the suggestions above.
PS: why are Canadians so much more civil (at least in the Maritime provinces we have visited) than Americans?
PS: why are Canadians so much more civil (at least in the Maritime provinces we have visited) than Americans?
1
It's a shame that while we now teach children to stand up to bullies (and we should), the children will have to forget those lessons when they grow up and join the world of work.
And while I have no time now to read all the comments, I have not read even one comment so far defending bullying. (One commenter defended being hard and firm as a parole officer, but I've seen no defense of workplace cruelty in general.)
And while I have no time now to read all the comments, I have not read even one comment so far defending bullying. (One commenter defended being hard and firm as a parole officer, but I've seen no defense of workplace cruelty in general.)
This is known and often sought after management style. It can produce results when the other styles cannot. It is described in in one set of style description as the fist as in the heart , the mind and the fist. In set of management styles description it is the "x" as the x the y and z styles. Also it is sometimes called the "Thug" style. I think you get where I am going.
As a former executive for a fortune five hundred company I can tell you we look for this "thuggish " style and cherished and reward it. The only thing that counted were results and it one manager ( and there specific style didn't work ) we replaced them with another. Employee moral and happiness were really never part of the equation unless it was an impediment to success. If one thug did work we found another whose did. It the thug style was seen to be the source of the problem we made it public as he was removed so as to make people think that the bad times were over .
The rude thoughtless behavior you described are really just to tools to humble people , get them to bend to your will and gain control. Whether this is intentional or not is irrelevant.
As a former executive for a fortune five hundred company I can tell you we look for this "thuggish " style and cherished and reward it. The only thing that counted were results and it one manager ( and there specific style didn't work ) we replaced them with another. Employee moral and happiness were really never part of the equation unless it was an impediment to success. If one thug did work we found another whose did. It the thug style was seen to be the source of the problem we made it public as he was removed so as to make people think that the bad times were over .
The rude thoughtless behavior you described are really just to tools to humble people , get them to bend to your will and gain control. Whether this is intentional or not is irrelevant.
11
For too many bosses, the uncivility pays. Workers needs the job and would try their best to complete the work. There may be long term damage to the company but usually there is little damage to the Boss's personal career and growth. In fact, they are rewarded in many different ways. Unfortunately this trend of rudeness in work place will continue to grow.
6
A person who is rude and unkind at work is rude and unkind in their personal life, as well.
And why would one be unkind? Failure to see another human as a feeling creature just as oneself, failure to care about anyone's needs beyond oneself and immediate friends/family.
Until all children are raised to care for all other humans with compassion, as adults they will be basically egocentric. And incivility is primarily a symptom of egocentricity.
"Play nice" has to come from the heart.
And why would one be unkind? Failure to see another human as a feeling creature just as oneself, failure to care about anyone's needs beyond oneself and immediate friends/family.
Until all children are raised to care for all other humans with compassion, as adults they will be basically egocentric. And incivility is primarily a symptom of egocentricity.
"Play nice" has to come from the heart.
11
I note from this article that workplace incivility has increased in recent decades, hardly a surprise given the precipitous decline in comity across the entire public sphere of elected office, where ad hominem spite, much of it lies, has become the transactional coin of the realm. Not content to limit their disputes to issues and ideas, elected "leaders" resort routinely to character assassination.
How else does "swift boat" become a verb? Swift boaters have become the new normal. At the highest level of public visibility, these worthies are today's alpha-rde models for the rest of us, in business, in child care and everything in-between.
How else does "swift boat" become a verb? Swift boaters have become the new normal. At the highest level of public visibility, these worthies are today's alpha-rde models for the rest of us, in business, in child care and everything in-between.
9
Certainly, leadership holds responsibility. You assume people are paid more--far more, in most cases--and required to have higher qualifications, because they are expected to do more, not merely occupy space under the same roof. However, don't forget that other employees contribute much to the harmful workplace environment, not bosses alone. And that takes place within a permissive environment, which can only result from lack of strong leadership.
1
The article provides another apt example of imputing unjustifiable causality from a correlational study (methodologically, it is never justified but is routinely done). "Stressful jobs increased the risk of a cardiovascular event by 38 percent." Come on, is it really credible that difficult jobs, unpleasant though they may be, increase heart attacks by more than one-third?
It seems just as likely that those whose bodies are already impaired enough to be more vulnerable to heart problems will find it harder to cope and will perceive their jobs as more stressful.
It seems just as likely that those whose bodies are already impaired enough to be more vulnerable to heart problems will find it harder to cope and will perceive their jobs as more stressful.
1
The article should mention that staff can be rude and disrespectful to their supervisors as well. I have had the misfortune of supervising (I didn't hire!) an employee who doesn't take direction, shrugs, rolls her eyes, storms out of offices, says "whatever" when asked to explain anything. She treats her staff abominably. Have moved 5 staff from her and she will never supervise another employee under my watch. The work involved with documenting and counseling has greatly reduced my productivity. (And yes, I'm in government and cannot fire her.) So, when I hire staff, I look foremost at interpersonal relations versus skills. You can teach the skill set. I don't think you can teach civility.
9
Professor Porath finds that incivility has increased "over the last decades," but I wonder how the current situation compares to that of the 1960s or 1970s. It seems to me that many people have become quite conscious and inhibited about offending others through politically incorrect speech.
1
I feel sorry that the author has had negative experiences through the workplace, namely with father suffering a great deal of stress due to his work environment. I'm sure for many people it can get to that point.
I am very fortunate that I work in a relatively unstressed environment (I work in sales) and that we strive to collaborate and create a community around everyone's success. Yet I know that my work experience is the exception to the rule.
We need to rethink how we conduct business and also how we treat each other at work.
I am very fortunate that I work in a relatively unstressed environment (I work in sales) and that we strive to collaborate and create a community around everyone's success. Yet I know that my work experience is the exception to the rule.
We need to rethink how we conduct business and also how we treat each other at work.
1
Gee, Grandpa, tell me again how you were able to support a family on a single salary.
It's only going to get worse as the 21st century workplace environment becomes more and more like the 19th century one: Bah! Humbug! Unionization was supposed to provide an answer, ensuring workers were treated fairly and were paid a living wage. But many unions overreached and/or became corrupt. The net result of raising minimum wage while mid-level wages stagnate or lower will be 80% of the workforce working for minimum wage (which, of course, will then be called standard wage or base wage).
There was something in another newspaper a few weeks ago about how to discourage overambitious eager beavers who lower office morale by making others look bad. That kind of attitude seems strange in light of how many want ads call for "a proactive go-getter who's not afraid to give 110%!"
And of course digital technology has done its share to erode human civility in general.
It's only going to get worse as the 21st century workplace environment becomes more and more like the 19th century one: Bah! Humbug! Unionization was supposed to provide an answer, ensuring workers were treated fairly and were paid a living wage. But many unions overreached and/or became corrupt. The net result of raising minimum wage while mid-level wages stagnate or lower will be 80% of the workforce working for minimum wage (which, of course, will then be called standard wage or base wage).
There was something in another newspaper a few weeks ago about how to discourage overambitious eager beavers who lower office morale by making others look bad. That kind of attitude seems strange in light of how many want ads call for "a proactive go-getter who's not afraid to give 110%!"
And of course digital technology has done its share to erode human civility in general.
1
Unions were pretty effective at raising the standard of living overall; that's why those at the top of the economic ladder engaged in decades of propaganda to get people to repeat that the unions were overreaching and corrupt.
We need more and stronger unions.
We need more and stronger unions.
1
My first boss was well meaning but insecure. Intentionally or not, she thoroughly undercut my confidence to the point that I thought no one else would hire me. After 5 years, I finally quit out of desperation, with no new job lined up. It was a struggle for several years, and I ended up temping more than I wanted to, but I finally found my feet. Forty years later, I love my work. I have great bosses and great co-workers. We don't see each other every day, but when we do, it's fun and we get a lot done. Maybe I could make more elsewhere, but I know a good thing when I have it.
11
Congratulations! This is the kind of workplace I want to create. It is just as easy to do this as to be mean.
2
As in other areas of life, we decide how we allow others to treat us. We don't allow waiters, sales clerks, restaurant servers, etc. to be rude to us, and we shouldn't permit co-workers or even bosses to be rude, either. There's no reason to be a doormat, no matter the environment. Like all bullies, if many of these bosses had more people willing to stand up to them they would likely stop. Many bully-bosses are highly insecure people, who act the way they do because they are scared and afraid. Most bullies recognize the behavior in themselves, and even want to stop it, but find themselves falling into the pattern again and again. As many of the comments have noted, when someone finally stands up to them they often capitulate in an instant.
No one wants to be fired, but if that's the price to pay for self-respect, so be it. It's better than making yourself sick with stress and your self confidence being eroded away year by year. We need more employees who are willing to ask for, and expect, to be treated decently in the workplace. If we're not, we need to look at our own culpability in that. And, we need to check our own behavior to be sure we're not one of the bullies.
No one wants to be fired, but if that's the price to pay for self-respect, so be it. It's better than making yourself sick with stress and your self confidence being eroded away year by year. We need more employees who are willing to ask for, and expect, to be treated decently in the workplace. If we're not, we need to look at our own culpability in that. And, we need to check our own behavior to be sure we're not one of the bullies.
45
What about the stress of being fired and the stress of loss of income? What about the stress of knowing that your reputation may be compromised and as a result, finding a new job may be more difficult? What if you have children who need to eat, be clothed, to live in a peaceful neighborhood, part of a supportive community with good role models? The best option it seems to me is to quietly and secretly find another position in a better workplace (while still in the abusive one) but its not always that easy.
7
Works great, if you are a millionaire.
1
Yes, let's stand up to the bullies.
But why should the "price to pay for self-respect" include putting your family at risk? Most people cannot afford to be fired, and the bully-bosses know that. And more recent psychological studies show that many bullies are not insecure, what is really going on is they lack empathy or a moral compass.
But why should the "price to pay for self-respect" include putting your family at risk? Most people cannot afford to be fired, and the bully-bosses know that. And more recent psychological studies show that many bullies are not insecure, what is really going on is they lack empathy or a moral compass.
3
Almost twenty years ago I left a job with a huge corporation. It was a turning point: US companies were already outsourcing jobs, replacing full time employees with contractors; or doubling the work load of remaining employees and leaving the employee to determine how to get the work done.
At that time, managers were already starting to resemble the little rodents from Whack-a-Mole, popping up to delegate assignments and ducking for cover, hoping a peer got whacked first. The most skilled at being the best little rodents survived to advance up the chain.
Mean comes from the top. If the executives are ducking responsibility and spreading blame, management below them will. If executives don't care about getting the job done, only about surviving until they can get to the next position, and have their failure become visible when the next guy comes along, then that will translate down the chain.
We have bullies, and people who micro-manage, and people who don't spread credit and reward, because that is the behavior that American business leaders value.
At that time, managers were already starting to resemble the little rodents from Whack-a-Mole, popping up to delegate assignments and ducking for cover, hoping a peer got whacked first. The most skilled at being the best little rodents survived to advance up the chain.
Mean comes from the top. If the executives are ducking responsibility and spreading blame, management below them will. If executives don't care about getting the job done, only about surviving until they can get to the next position, and have their failure become visible when the next guy comes along, then that will translate down the chain.
We have bullies, and people who micro-manage, and people who don't spread credit and reward, because that is the behavior that American business leaders value.
17
At my workplace we categorized others as "shirkers or workers". The more you did the more the employer expected. The less you did the employer left you alone. If you sucked up to management you got plum assignments. If you didn't you got nothing but the drudge work.
5
ibivi: '...At my workplace we categorized others as "shirkers or workers"...'
The problem comes when a bad boss cannot tell the difference, as most shirkers know how to butter up the boss.
In my company, there is no benefit to working hard or barely working, as the boss has no background in our field, so the rewards go to those who can spin the most.
Once employees realize that the only benefit to working hard is having more work given to them and the benefit to shirking is less work and neither is tied to raises or promotion, the outcome is inevitable.
The problem comes when a bad boss cannot tell the difference, as most shirkers know how to butter up the boss.
In my company, there is no benefit to working hard or barely working, as the boss has no background in our field, so the rewards go to those who can spin the most.
Once employees realize that the only benefit to working hard is having more work given to them and the benefit to shirking is less work and neither is tied to raises or promotion, the outcome is inevitable.
1
I work in an exceptionally civil (and from the comments seemingly rare) environment.
People's ideas are evaluated on their merit; everyone listens while others are speaking; I am thrilled by others' successes and believe that others are likewise pleased by my success etc.
I believe this stems from the fact that everyone has some reasonable level of self-confidence, that is, it would never occur to me (us) to beat others down to feel good about ourselves. In fact, I think we all hope that the next person hired is the next "best" person, i.e., someone smarter than the existing employees as this will advance our dept and institution!
I am a female prof in a STEM discipline in academia, for what it's worth.
People's ideas are evaluated on their merit; everyone listens while others are speaking; I am thrilled by others' successes and believe that others are likewise pleased by my success etc.
I believe this stems from the fact that everyone has some reasonable level of self-confidence, that is, it would never occur to me (us) to beat others down to feel good about ourselves. In fact, I think we all hope that the next person hired is the next "best" person, i.e., someone smarter than the existing employees as this will advance our dept and institution!
I am a female prof in a STEM discipline in academia, for what it's worth.
9
Academia is not a business, and your department head is not charged with profit goals for every quarter. Bad example.
After working almost 30 years in corporate America, I believe it is mainly socioaths and psychopaths who make it to the top management positions. It's not a question of time, it's the behavior rewarded by American business. Somehow they think such qualities are necessary for success.
I surely hope some read this article as to the effects such behavior have on people. I'm very competent in my field, but no longer wish to work in it after a string of extremely toxic managers. Hoping now to start my own business. I think this is why the US is no longer a top country. The ultimate in dysfunction. I look at the books addressing what makes a good business leader or manager, and laugh. Those writing these books are so out of touch with the dismal state of management in corporate America and the bullies who are running it. Such books will not change those who run the workplace.
I surely hope some read this article as to the effects such behavior have on people. I'm very competent in my field, but no longer wish to work in it after a string of extremely toxic managers. Hoping now to start my own business. I think this is why the US is no longer a top country. The ultimate in dysfunction. I look at the books addressing what makes a good business leader or manager, and laugh. Those writing these books are so out of touch with the dismal state of management in corporate America and the bullies who are running it. Such books will not change those who run the workplace.
8
All true, commonplace thoughts held by many employees. What the author fails to address is the most common trigger for rudeness: self-loathing. Some people understand that their role, their department, or the entire company, is in an evil business. For example, making cigarettes, tricking people into unsuitable investments, or hospital billing departments and cell phone companies. This kind of business is common. Many employees, including managers and executives, feel guilty--all the time--just for being part of it; being rude takes little thought and is sport and relief for them. They are mean for a reason. Although it has different environment and motivations, the rudeness one encounters in many government agencies has the same root, but with a coating of entitlement slathered on top.
2
Yes, but for some people 'self loathing' comes from within themselves, not from the business they work for. Some people have had experiences growing up that have made them (a) angry at the world or ( b) convinced that they will always get the short end of the stick.
Therefore it is perfectly plausible that a lot of horrible bosses who are driven by self-loathing are that way because of their own personal issues, and not because they are working in "evil business."
One of the most self-loathing bosses I ever endured was at a company that sold photocopying equipment - hardly an "evil" business!
Therefore it is perfectly plausible that a lot of horrible bosses who are driven by self-loathing are that way because of their own personal issues, and not because they are working in "evil business."
One of the most self-loathing bosses I ever endured was at a company that sold photocopying equipment - hardly an "evil" business!
Bullies are people who are very small inside who demean and humiliate others to feel bigger. They target competent, successful people because that's what draws out their insecurities. I "retired" early from a highly successful academic career because I refused to work for department leader who encouraged cliques, isolated others, publicly and privately humiliated faculty, had uncontrollable rage and lied about employees he wanted to be rid of. Filing a complaint to Human Resources was a totally useless exercise. Weak management was unable to rein in this intolerable behavior. Today, I am self-employed, and have the best boss I've ever had!
10
I think that American workers not having, or not taking - when available - time off to rest, relax and engage in other pursuits, will take a toll on their health and in their own attitude at work. A diverse work environment also helps, especially in a workplace where cliques are formed (damaging the potential for openness, inclusiveness and cooperation on the job). Regarding bosses: in the past I have experienced uncivil, even malicious behavior from bosses who were so entrenched, that nothing could be done to resolve situations, or.... relieve them of employment.
4
I once had a boss who was so bad, when a co-worker needed to take a mental health leave because of the horrible way she was treated by the boss, the worker's comp/disability (or whatever paid her during the leave) suggested the co-worker file a complaint against the boss.
Once during a staff meeting, another co-worker attempted to "correct" the boss on a few rules of Family Leave. The co-worker had just taken time off to be with her dying mother while the mother was receiving hospice services.
The boss didn't have a clue about Family Leave, and screwed up explaining the "rules" during the staff meeting discussion. The co-worker dared raise her hand and explain FMLA legal policy in a very cordial way, having just used FMLA. The co-worker, for the boss's revenge of "how dare she correct me" gave the co-worker a "Work Improvement Plan" regarding subordination or some such thing.This co-worker was one of the top notch nurses in our department.
Just a couple of examples. This could be a volume of that boss's events.
Finally, after human resources had enough (and perhaps were getting afraid of a law suit or employees going public - the company had at one time been voted one of the best places to work in the city) the boss, after 18 years of bullying people (nurses) around, was suddenly accepting an out-of-state job. The woman was a misery. Her new job didn't last long we heard.
Too bad our department had to put up with her nonsense for all those years - and for what?
Once during a staff meeting, another co-worker attempted to "correct" the boss on a few rules of Family Leave. The co-worker had just taken time off to be with her dying mother while the mother was receiving hospice services.
The boss didn't have a clue about Family Leave, and screwed up explaining the "rules" during the staff meeting discussion. The co-worker dared raise her hand and explain FMLA legal policy in a very cordial way, having just used FMLA. The co-worker, for the boss's revenge of "how dare she correct me" gave the co-worker a "Work Improvement Plan" regarding subordination or some such thing.This co-worker was one of the top notch nurses in our department.
Just a couple of examples. This could be a volume of that boss's events.
Finally, after human resources had enough (and perhaps were getting afraid of a law suit or employees going public - the company had at one time been voted one of the best places to work in the city) the boss, after 18 years of bullying people (nurses) around, was suddenly accepting an out-of-state job. The woman was a misery. Her new job didn't last long we heard.
Too bad our department had to put up with her nonsense for all those years - and for what?
7
The capitalist boss archetype goes way back. From Dagwood's Mr Dithers, to Dilbert's pointy hair boss (and his baby bottle headed enabling sec'y). To The Office wacko narcissists here and in the UK versions. Sadly, we all relate. Capitalism has the idea the narcissist boss (instinctively collecting narcissistic supply) is an ideal. Inevitably, after 25 years at the helm (there's a problem), these bosses often end up feeling empty and not having accomplished their goals (control needs don't quite get it). The saddest is when this model of corporate control and efficiency is "applied" to creativity and the arts or at a University. Control to what end? Sadly, these narcissists often have their paired borderlines at home who first supply them and end up further sapping their focus.
This is a very insightful and accurate article.
Creating stress, especially the odd practice of so called "constructive confrontation" is a waste of energy, resources, and is harmful. Companies which operate harmoniously and have polite cultures where diversity and hard work is respected and appreciated (and rewarded) are consistenly more productive, have less turnover and make more money.
Creating stress, especially the odd practice of so called "constructive confrontation" is a waste of energy, resources, and is harmful. Companies which operate harmoniously and have polite cultures where diversity and hard work is respected and appreciated (and rewarded) are consistenly more productive, have less turnover and make more money.
3
This emotional violence in the workplace is a complicated issue, similar to the violence we are seeing in our police force, our schools, our families, our nation, our politicians. When we stopped valuing people--workers, teachers, citizens, students--as human beings, and began looking at everything as a commodity or instrument, a means to an end (profit, votes, grades, lower taxes, raises: numbers and statistics) we opened up the floodgates for something far uglier and more profound than mere incivility. This is open contempt. You can't practice and extoll the exploitation of people on an everyday basis, and expect those same people to suddenly behave toward each other as if they were valuable, meaningful individuals and important members of the community.
4
I have to agree with Jim: the most toxic work environment I've ever experienced was working within a university. The level of spite and passive aggressive behavior I witnessed, and had directed at me, was staggering. Along those lines, for anyone (and I mean you, Ann) to suggest that such toxicity is a reflection of a particular political persuasion or party is simply false. The most vocal proponents of social justice were the ones who openly bullied, harassed, and hounded others the most. Conservatives tended to be more subtle about it. Either way, the academic profession is one of the worst I've ever seen so far as working environment goes. It became very clear that level of education does not track moral character, despite what some might think.
4
I am now retired for about 7 years - during my long carrier I have seen many managers with this behavior traits. The company, I worked used an outside consultant to prepare a 360 degree feedback for its managers, followed by an offside one week management trIning. During the management training, the most important event was one on one discussion with a behavior specialist about the 360 degree report. This is an excellent process to identify these problems and personally, I was benefitted by this feedback. Without a friendly and peaceful work environment creativity can not flourish - I have seen it. Our group was the most creative group measured by number of patents, in our technology company.
3
Bullying in the work place has been a longstanding problem based on my own experience. I applaud Christine Porath for bringing this issue out from under the rug. I spent over 25 years in the technology field, much of it as a consultant, and the abuse I witnessed as either employee or consultant was equally stressful - whether witnessing a co-worker being degraded openly or when abuse was directed at me.
In the last workplace I was at before I had to quit due to declining health, 3 (fairly young) people actually died on the job within a short period of time, all in the same department - Information Security. It had a profound effect on all of us who worked in that unit. I would attribute that particular set of incidents to undue competitive stress as well as bully bosses. The talk by management was good, but their follow through was not. It was likely the worst work situation to which I was ever exposed, but the sad thing is how common such behavior is. There seems to be no accountability. At the end of the day the only thing that counts is the almighty bottom line and who gets the biggest bonus.
Ms. Porath correctly depicts what used to be called the "poverty of power." I have witnessed workers (preoccupied with the toxic environment) losing their ability to concentrate with an eroded sense of confidence.
The tone is set at the top and unless corporate leaders who talk the good talk also walk that talk, we will not see substantial changes for some time to come.
In the last workplace I was at before I had to quit due to declining health, 3 (fairly young) people actually died on the job within a short period of time, all in the same department - Information Security. It had a profound effect on all of us who worked in that unit. I would attribute that particular set of incidents to undue competitive stress as well as bully bosses. The talk by management was good, but their follow through was not. It was likely the worst work situation to which I was ever exposed, but the sad thing is how common such behavior is. There seems to be no accountability. At the end of the day the only thing that counts is the almighty bottom line and who gets the biggest bonus.
Ms. Porath correctly depicts what used to be called the "poverty of power." I have witnessed workers (preoccupied with the toxic environment) losing their ability to concentrate with an eroded sense of confidence.
The tone is set at the top and unless corporate leaders who talk the good talk also walk that talk, we will not see substantial changes for some time to come.
4
hard to believe the failure of oversight of managers, unit heads, etc., in many major corporations...the professional effort of their staffs often leads to perceptions of effectiveness that might even be increased (or, at least, less erosive of the human spirits afflicted thus) with a minimum of HR effort...
in some businesses or industries there are exemplary departments side by side with the dens of tyrants, (and everyone at and below grade level knows who they are), whose personal behavioral disorders hang over the workplace like a dense fog.
as a non corporate, seeing the plight of friends, especially the distraction that infiltrates their lives after work, is sad and the feeling they have that there is no recourse without recrimination is sadder still...those few employers who are adding mindfulness and other forms of extra-office engagement are more likely to detect and perhaps counsel the uncivil and disappointed people who spread their own misery to those under their authority.
in some businesses or industries there are exemplary departments side by side with the dens of tyrants, (and everyone at and below grade level knows who they are), whose personal behavioral disorders hang over the workplace like a dense fog.
as a non corporate, seeing the plight of friends, especially the distraction that infiltrates their lives after work, is sad and the feeling they have that there is no recourse without recrimination is sadder still...those few employers who are adding mindfulness and other forms of extra-office engagement are more likely to detect and perhaps counsel the uncivil and disappointed people who spread their own misery to those under their authority.
2
A key, perhaps the key, core leadership principle in the US military is quite simple: "Lead by Example." It works, and is in no small measure why the American military is such an effective force. Though I left the Army years ago, I've always tried to keep true to that core principle in both my business and personal affairs.
Regrettably, there seems to be fewer and fewer managers in contemporary business willing to incorporate this valuable and effective principle into their leadership style.
Regrettably, there seems to be fewer and fewer managers in contemporary business willing to incorporate this valuable and effective principle into their leadership style.
4
I have, fortunately as far as I am concerned, never worked for a private corporation; I have worked for either universities or nonprofits all of my life. And while it is true that within universities there can be intense academic rivalries, instances of rudeness and abuse are rare. But everyone I know who works for private corporations has told me, many times, of abusive behavior in the workplace, and such behavior generally occurs with impunity, especially if a company is making money. An executive who harasses his employees will often be ignored as long as he is bringing in a profit. Many will disagree, but I think that this abuse is embedded within the nature of most American businesses; after all, their sole reason for being is the profit motive, and when profit matters above all, personal behavior is far less important. American rudeness is very much a function of American capitalism. It is characteristic of the Republican party, the party of corporate business. It astonishes me that so many Americans think that businesses are more efficient than government, because most employees in most businesses spend a large part of their time complaining about the poor conditions at their work.
9
A very timely and informative article, indeed, yet somewhat weak in two points of causal inference:
1) Bosses who are perceived as 'strong' (ie mean, aggressive) are the ones who get raises and promotions from their own bosses. You therefore wind up with a culture of aggression that, although unprofitable, functions as a criterion for promotion. Besides who, other than randite nutcases, actually believe that businesses are about making money?
2) Mean behavior on the employee level is best understood, causally speaking, as derived from work overload. Being nice take time, which one simply doesn't have.
Again--unprofitable-- but understood as 'functional' in the sense that it affirms relations of arbitrary power.
1) Bosses who are perceived as 'strong' (ie mean, aggressive) are the ones who get raises and promotions from their own bosses. You therefore wind up with a culture of aggression that, although unprofitable, functions as a criterion for promotion. Besides who, other than randite nutcases, actually believe that businesses are about making money?
2) Mean behavior on the employee level is best understood, causally speaking, as derived from work overload. Being nice take time, which one simply doesn't have.
Again--unprofitable-- but understood as 'functional' in the sense that it affirms relations of arbitrary power.
1
Interesting how your father lives in the Cleveland area. Throughout my career in Cleveland, I have found architects and contractors to be very uncivil to associates (not clients) inside and outside their offices. I would agree that in these typically smaller companies, where people are expected to manage other people, while not having had any professional training in management, these behaviors have been learned from superiors, or are due to an intrinsic belief that meanness is an effective tool. I also have noticed that often the meaner the individual may be, the less personally and/or professionally secure he or she seems to be. So this uncivility may be a defense for real or perceived inadequacies.
4
Robert Sapolsky is a neuroendocrinologist at Stanford University and a primatologist who has studied social interactions among a troupe of baboons in Kenya. The troupe he was studying was your normal, run-of-the-mill, highly stratified, nasty baboon troupe with alpha males brutalizing all other baboons, who did the same to subordinates. Being a low-ranking baboon was not good for health or longevity. All had high levels of stress-hormones, high blood pressure, poor immune systems, and many appeared to have, what could only be called, clinical depression.
About 10 years into his study, the troupe was decimated by tuberculosis from eating tainted food at a garbage dump. Almost half the males died, all of whom were alpha males, since they chased all the others away from the infected food. The only baboons left over were females and subordinate, nice-guy males. The troupe was transformed from a typical Hobbesian baboon nightmare to a troupe possessed by their better angels. It has remained that way ever since.
Before this anomaly, it was thought that all baboon troupes were of the former kind, fixed by nature and natural selection. But, as Sapolsky said, “if (that troupe) is able, in 1 generation, to transform what are supposed to be textbook social systems sort of engraved in stone, we don’t have an excuse when we say there are certain inevitabilities about human social systems.”
About 10 years into his study, the troupe was decimated by tuberculosis from eating tainted food at a garbage dump. Almost half the males died, all of whom were alpha males, since they chased all the others away from the infected food. The only baboons left over were females and subordinate, nice-guy males. The troupe was transformed from a typical Hobbesian baboon nightmare to a troupe possessed by their better angels. It has remained that way ever since.
Before this anomaly, it was thought that all baboon troupes were of the former kind, fixed by nature and natural selection. But, as Sapolsky said, “if (that troupe) is able, in 1 generation, to transform what are supposed to be textbook social systems sort of engraved in stone, we don’t have an excuse when we say there are certain inevitabilities about human social systems.”
17
I recently spent a week with my 22 year old nephew. He spent much of the time on his computer or phone, or plugged into headphones listening to music. Our conversations were brief and usually interrupted by one of these activities. He is a nice young man, successful in life with a great sense of humor. I am sure that if I asked him he would not think there was anything wrong at all with his behavior.
He is not uncivil, he is just not present. I witness this all around me as parents stare at their cell phones while their small children clamor for their attention. I think we have given ourselves permission to tune out whenever we are bored. It takes time to have a real conversation and I am wondering if anyone remembers how to do it anymore.
He is not uncivil, he is just not present. I witness this all around me as parents stare at their cell phones while their small children clamor for their attention. I think we have given ourselves permission to tune out whenever we are bored. It takes time to have a real conversation and I am wondering if anyone remembers how to do it anymore.
20
Fine, but not too many 22 year olds want to spend any time with their parents or any other older relatives and this was just as true before technology as it is today.
1
I think this kind of behavior began to get worse in the 80s when terms like "Shareholder Value" and "Accountability" became vogue. This shifted the focus from the core business, namely customers, to petty issues that could be easily measured, like quarterly profit to maximize personal gain, bonuses and stock options. This usually meant nothing for the long term viability of the business and encouraged the Outsourcing of as much as possible to reduce costs and move the blame for failure to some external entity. This went hand in hand with our national delusion that top down power was the way to deal with world problems so we go to war whenever we see a problem and, despite losing, are still as delusional. Top down power never works to change attitudes or ideologies, it only reinforces them and engenders hatred.
When I was a new manager, my philosophy was to assure I celebrated employee successes and shared in their failures and I continued to do that as I rose through the management ranks of a Fortune 500 company. Its sad to see our country and our companies so short term and internally focused that we cannot see another way that values and nurtures our people, our businesses and our country again.
When I was a new manager, my philosophy was to assure I celebrated employee successes and shared in their failures and I continued to do that as I rose through the management ranks of a Fortune 500 company. Its sad to see our country and our companies so short term and internally focused that we cannot see another way that values and nurtures our people, our businesses and our country again.
78
I have not seen many comments that mention contacting one's HR, employee assistance, union, or ethics departments to complain of abuse, disrespect or bullying. I have done so in private industry, in government and in education environments. Each complaint led to nothing more than having the ear of a sometimes (but not always) sympathetic listener. Ethics complaints are so narrowly defined that the employee has no chance of receiving effective assistance unless the complaint is literally of sexual assault. The most incompetent people I have encountered in any work environment have been those is the roles that should be offering help to an abused employee. I chalk much of the workplace toxic environment problems to incompetent, weak, ineffective, or even biased, passive-aggressive HR and Ethics department personnel.
11
HR works for the company and lately it seems many of the in house functions have been outsourced. I can't tell you how many times I've been directed to "the website" to have a question answered. I explain that calling HR really was my last resort.
1
I'll remember that 5-10 rule, and try to listen more.
1
I had a health crisis and after I returned to work on a gradual basis I had to be accommodated which meant that some of my workload had to be distributed to others. My work colleagues resented my "privileges". My employer subjected me to intense scrutiny that no one else had to endure. I was not able to return to a full week and I lost a 1/5 of my income as a result. My vacation entitlement (based on seniority) was also reduced. I had difficulty attending long meetings. I became depressed over my health and having to work. I endured 7 years of this miserable existence before I had another health crisis. I had to retire due to health reasons and live on a paltry company pension. This was the worst experience of my entire life. Work was my life as I had no children. But it destroyed me.
16
It doesn't take any extra time to treat people with courtesy and respect. The fact is that some people are not cut out to occupy positions of authority because they use their power to revisit their unresolved childhood trauma issues.
I believe the way much of corporate America (and the civil service, too) operates encourages mistreatment of employees by supervisors and managers because "yes-men" who are incompetent get promoted due their willingness to suck up to those above them.
People who suck up, kick down.
I believe the way much of corporate America (and the civil service, too) operates encourages mistreatment of employees by supervisors and managers because "yes-men" who are incompetent get promoted due their willingness to suck up to those above them.
People who suck up, kick down.
23
The incivility can come from the outside too. In service and retail businesses where the employees are constantly dealing with needy and rude customers. The customer variable can not be left out and should be part of the equation. Couple that with the incivility of ones bosses and co-workers...its any wonder more people don't completely break down each day at workplaces all across the nation.
15
two things come immediately to mind. first the rise in civility mirrors the rise in the use of technology : second,we have as role models people like Steve Jobs who clearly treated people terribly in his company and yes his style is revered as honest, uncompromising and successful. I would say that technology itself is not a bad thing but rather it has increased everyone's workload exponentially. secretaries are few and far between and now everyone has to handle every aspect of their job themselves because supposedly it is easy to do because it is all computerized.this is of course not the case and so everyone from the top to the bottom is overloaded by work. afternoon golf games are thing of the past. as our long lunch hours. it is all work and no fun and that really just does not bring out the best in most people. even middle level managers have enormous pressure to get things done and so it is hard to be civil when you are under enormous pressure.
28
The rise in civility?
1
Not to speak of the toll it takes on families. Young families. The father AND the mother are expected to be "on call" at all hours, with constant email pings needing response. Not only are there no secretaries at work, there are no "wives" (of either sex) at home to ease the daily workload.
1
My experience recently has been weak managers that allow the staff to bully each other and don't hold anyone accountable to professional standards of behavior. I think because I am more towards the end of my career I wonder if it is generational. Also ageism does rear it's little head, but again, management is in denial about a lot of things. Thank God I retire in a couple of years.
19
I took the NY Times quiz and it told me something I already knew - I work in a toxic work environment. It comes from having bosses that are not knowledgable and threatened by those who are - and, importantly, from co-workers who are just not nice people - who run to the boss with lies and stories about other workers (which of course the boss encourages and believes), who are so rude they make co-workers cry, and who try to control their own turf and extend their control to others for purely selfish reasons that hurt the good and the whole of the organization. It is exhausting working in such an environment and for now I have learned to shut up, not have an opinion and just do my job. It so happens I am one of the most experienced and knowledgeable workers and have a ton to contribute, but it's not worth it!
30
I hope you're looking for a new job! You deserve to be working in a more civil organization.
Be aware that it is often the strongest, most capable people who become the target of bullies. That doesn't make it more tolerable, but don't see yourself as a victim; see the abusers as weak, petty bullies.
2
Years ago, I worked for an investment banking firm in New York City. The climate of emotionally-out-of-control brutes was rampant from the top down. If you were on the up side of these people, you were rewarded in myriad of ways but once you slipped from their usefulness, an inevitable event, the "abuse" for lack of a better word, was brutal and often resulted in the Friday afternoon firing. As with most bullies, the most memorable thing about these people, was their ability to psychologically target their employees with the full force of their personal anger that leeched from their character in the form of racism, foul language and expressions, derogatory personal attacks both to and about people, and ultimately, the discarding of these people. I still remember these people so vividly and shudder to think of their behavior. There was no mentoring or integrity. It was rule by despotism.
38
I once worked at a place where the Office Manager decided to make a big dunce cap and place it on the head of a staff person who had been late with his expense reports. She did this at a large staff meeting. She then warned the rest of us that this would happen to us if we did not get our expense reports in by a certain day. Our senior manager witnessed this and did nothing. This episode is one of the ones I think about when I think about a toxic bullying culture.
41
Thank you for this article and all the great comments. I worked at a prestigious institution in this city for fifteen years, and finally quit earlier this year because of a (relatively new to me) psychopathic boss who had run through yet another set of employees, leaving me and one other recent hire to scramble to keep her programs running. She tears through employees, yet the institutional leadership thinks she walks on water since she takes credit for everything she touches, and spreads rumors and bad mouths anyone she feels is a threat. Her maliciousness and meannesses poison the institution, and while everyone under her can see it (and are terrified of her), the Director--a fairly intelligent woman one would think could see through such behavior, as well as the harried faculty who "run" the place don't seem to notice that constant staff turnover means that programs can never get off the ground. But what really sucks is the needless suffering--the sleepless nights, depression, anxiety, self doubt, and health problems her employees undergo to feed her work she assigns capriciously or at the last minute (despite it having been in her inbox for weeks), and are criticized mercilessly for despite her never being available to provide feedback. It's good that we get out, but can be heartbreaking for those of us who loved the work and the institution itself.
55
One strategy I heard about that led to the toxic boss's removal -- was her name was given out to head-hunters with the story that she was looking for work. She accepted an offer and was fired soon thereafter.
32
Now that's an idea ; ).
Unfortunately in those situations there's no solidarity, or group effort, or courage to organize and take a stand. Not in the USA from my experience.
1
The most uncivil work environment I've ever seen, hands down, has been the university academic environment my wife experienced. Civility to your face, behind the scenes backstabbing, gossip and downright meanness behind the scenes. Envy and jealousy put nearly all her colleagues on anti-depressants. The author should do a study on that.
84
Jim, I agree 100 percent. I have been a staffer at an Ivy League university here in NYC (can you guess which one?) for 8 years. I have never in my life seen such a toxic environment, and I've been working for 30+ years. I've worked in three different departments there, trying to find a place that is actually healthy. Not possible. So I'm leaving. Hoping to give my notice within the next couple of weeks (waiting for a start date at a new job, as far away from academia as possible). Interestingly, I was a part-time faculty member at a state university for several years and found it to be thoroughly enjoyable; I have no idea what it was like for staff members, and I suspect most faculty haven't a clue what staffers are up against on a daily basis.
1
I am surprised by this comment, as I have experienced exactly the opposite. I am an academic (female in a STEM discipline), and I have without exception found that our meetings are democratic, everyone's ideas are evaluated with regard to their merit, there is no multi-tasking etc. Further, I rarely hear people "back-stabbing;" if there is any "backroom discussion" it has a positive intent, e.g.. advancing the institution's aims.
In fact, I was just about to forward this article to my current and past dept head and congratulate them for creating positive civil work environments!
In fact, I was just about to forward this article to my current and past dept head and congratulate them for creating positive civil work environments!
Sounds like when I worked at the IRS. I knew the stress was taking a toll on my health and I wish I had just walked away earlier. Management was frequently petty, vindictive, clueless and sometimes appeared to be downright crazy. Your tax dollars at work.
2
I've retired and volunteer on several boards. On at least one of those boards the president is rude in ways described in this article -- ie, screams and swears at people, calls those with different or new ideas stupid, takes credit for all successes. Because this person is brilliant and often right, people tolerate her bullying. Lately, however, some people have begun to stand up to her, and she deflates like an old balloon. Thank you for stressing this behavior. Maybe others will see such behavior as bullying, regardless of the setting, and start refusing to accept such tactics.
55
I think some bullies are repeating behaviors they grew up with and have no idea of how they come across.
2
I was given a semi-supervisory position when I was barely 16, and stunned at the challenge. Fortunately, it was part time, and I had been brought up to show respect for those older than me, so I somehow survived without (I think) harming others. I did learn, however, that saying thank you and smiling at people to whom I had to give even the mildest of direction helped. I also frankly felt that many of them knew a lot more than I did.
Five years later that lesson was brought home to me when I was asked to take the first person of color in a 200+ office into my area of work. I can only hope that I managed to deal as well as I hoped, but suspect I missed a lot. Fortunately, I had decided at 13 that the racism I saw around me in southern Georgia was a stupid and deeply wrong. That is, however, a long way from knowing how to act fairly, which I am still uncertain I do as well as I would wish.
I have honestly never quite known how to supervise others, except to try to be fair, provide clear instructions, says "thanks", and give raises if I possibly could. And most of all to remember that it always takes longer to do what seems like a routine and mundane task than one expects. If in doubt, do it a couple of hours oneself. It will be a stark reminder of how those who work for others are actually working, usually quite hard if given decent environment.
Five years later that lesson was brought home to me when I was asked to take the first person of color in a 200+ office into my area of work. I can only hope that I managed to deal as well as I hoped, but suspect I missed a lot. Fortunately, I had decided at 13 that the racism I saw around me in southern Georgia was a stupid and deeply wrong. That is, however, a long way from knowing how to act fairly, which I am still uncertain I do as well as I would wish.
I have honestly never quite known how to supervise others, except to try to be fair, provide clear instructions, says "thanks", and give raises if I possibly could. And most of all to remember that it always takes longer to do what seems like a routine and mundane task than one expects. If in doubt, do it a couple of hours oneself. It will be a stark reminder of how those who work for others are actually working, usually quite hard if given decent environment.
9
I wish you were my boss.
This piece reminds me of high school, a point that should be equally troubling for high school teachers, administrators, students, employers and employees. Troubling for employers and employees because workplace bullies have the emotional maturity of a sixteen year old, troubling for students because the immaturity witnessed in school can extend far beyond it, and troubling for teachers and administrators because bad behavior in school is often overlooked at great cost to the educational achievement of all students.
8
Perhaps the same type of simulations developed for teacher candidates could also be developed for bosses. Minimal evaluation of senior staff often leads to corruption and festering work cultures. I wonder if the research on rudeness showed any difference in bullying and rudeness due to gender. I also wondered if Myers-Briggs or any other type of personality test could better determine fit especially for the management-of-others position. Sometimes very talented people get bumped up, but their skills are not in managing adults; the learning curve is steep and modeling and support for the role can be weak or nonexistent. I have noticed that both men and women who are good in the leadership role tend to be confident, consistent, kind, good listeners, good cheerleaders, good delegators, clear and to-the-point, flexible, and happy to share and acknowledge the contributions of others. Poor leaders tend to be defensive, anxious, perfectionistic, controlling, judgmental, micro-managing, secretive, pit-one-against-the other, play favorites, poor listeners, and inconsistent in both setting goals and in their treatment of subordinates. It's exhausting to work for such people. Polish your resume and move on if you can.
11
I labor in a workplace that is toxic for its incivility.
It is not the shouting (which is a rarity), but the passive-aggressive behavior that is tolerated in my workplace and ignored by corporate higher ups.
So, every day I dread coming to work, many of which are days that I have to carry on with a noticeable discomfort in my chest from the stress of dealing with the constant gossip and backbiting among coworkers and social isolation from being an over-50 male in an organization that views "diversity" as someone who is twenty-something, non-college educated and primary female.
The irony is that I know from personal experience in working elsewhere that with proper training and a real commitment to meritocracy and diversity you can turn around toxic work environments.
You would think in the second decade of the 21st century that any large corporation would know these facts, but sadly that is not the case, especially when challenging economic times, as we still face, give corporations that have the tools to enact real change a continuing free pass to treat their employees as disposable widgets.
It is not the shouting (which is a rarity), but the passive-aggressive behavior that is tolerated in my workplace and ignored by corporate higher ups.
So, every day I dread coming to work, many of which are days that I have to carry on with a noticeable discomfort in my chest from the stress of dealing with the constant gossip and backbiting among coworkers and social isolation from being an over-50 male in an organization that views "diversity" as someone who is twenty-something, non-college educated and primary female.
The irony is that I know from personal experience in working elsewhere that with proper training and a real commitment to meritocracy and diversity you can turn around toxic work environments.
You would think in the second decade of the 21st century that any large corporation would know these facts, but sadly that is not the case, especially when challenging economic times, as we still face, give corporations that have the tools to enact real change a continuing free pass to treat their employees as disposable widgets.
16
When I was entering the workforce in the 80's all of the medium to large companies I worked in offered professional development programs including topics like improving your social and communication skills, understanding personal differences, & managing with diverse teams. Maybe it's because I've been working in higher ed institutions the last couple of decades but it appears to me that companies are investing less in soft and hard skills training of employees.
I worked for a large telecommunications company for 32 years and finally retired. Thank God! I'd had two stress disabilities during my tenure and two trips to a mental hospital, where I was treated for major depression. It was all job-related. I worked in a high-stress atmosphere and reported to ignorant bosses who treated most people with disrespect and disdain and who just ignored everyone's accomplishments. These bosses lacked the education and experience required for their jobs.
Incivility on the job really does have a negative effect on people, and they deal with it in different ways. I believe treating people badly is bad for business and profits, and is the mark of the immature and ineffective manager. What would W. Edwards Deming think?
Incivility on the job really does have a negative effect on people, and they deal with it in different ways. I believe treating people badly is bad for business and profits, and is the mark of the immature and ineffective manager. What would W. Edwards Deming think?
12
I have worked for both good and bad bosses--as I suspect most people have. Some people are simply better at interacting with other people in a respectful, decent manner than others are.
As an RN, I am drawn by the data showing that rude behavior is seen as at least partly responsible for negative patient outcomes by health professionals...something that I wholeheartedly agree with. I had a nurse manager who consistently played favorites, was generally ignorant of observing social niceties, and belittled those she did not favor at regular intervals.She was also highly unpredictable; I never knew what she was likely to find important from day to day. She was also very, very intelligent, and a good clinical resource, but I was fearful of approaching her because I feared her reaction to my question.
I have since moved on, but to this day I find myself conflicted in my feelings about this manager. She was plainly unsuitable to promoting a happy working environment, which I believe reduced our efficiency and effectiveness in turn. At the same time, I find it hard to condemn her for her performance, as I suspect she was somewhere on the Autism spectrum (I have family who have Autism-spectrum disorders, and I recognized the behaviors). If my suspicion is correct, then she was likely doing the best she could, but was simply not suitable for the job. It's hard to hold a grudge against someone like that.
As an RN, I am drawn by the data showing that rude behavior is seen as at least partly responsible for negative patient outcomes by health professionals...something that I wholeheartedly agree with. I had a nurse manager who consistently played favorites, was generally ignorant of observing social niceties, and belittled those she did not favor at regular intervals.She was also highly unpredictable; I never knew what she was likely to find important from day to day. She was also very, very intelligent, and a good clinical resource, but I was fearful of approaching her because I feared her reaction to my question.
I have since moved on, but to this day I find myself conflicted in my feelings about this manager. She was plainly unsuitable to promoting a happy working environment, which I believe reduced our efficiency and effectiveness in turn. At the same time, I find it hard to condemn her for her performance, as I suspect she was somewhere on the Autism spectrum (I have family who have Autism-spectrum disorders, and I recognized the behaviors). If my suspicion is correct, then she was likely doing the best she could, but was simply not suitable for the job. It's hard to hold a grudge against someone like that.
7
What? It's hard to hold a grudge against someone who likely has had family/friends alert them to the fact that they have an emotional/medical condition which needs attending to...but chooses not to?
how arrogant! This is akin to someone with a communicable disease who go out in public anyway, with no regard as to who they are infecting (infants, elderly, immunocompromised).
People with any condition which prevents them from performing ALL aspects of the job properly should look for different work.
Autism? who cares! Many jobs are available with less social interaction and would improve the lives of many.
who cares if it pays less? why should employees (or customers) suffer because someone wants to deny they have a disability/medical condition, etc?
Just because you can "hide" some of your problem doesn't mean it's OK.
Would you go to a surgeon who was missing both his hands? NO because it's obvious he can't do the job.
Would you buy a racehorse with no legs, expecting to win?
People need to be honest with themselves and work in an environment that is suitable to their temperament, skills, etc.
you can't just say you want to do some job (to make an amount of money, have a certain lifestyle) if you are poorly trained/educated/prepared for it and expect everyone else to bend to accommodate YOU.
it's the fact that people don't complain that these people get away with it for so long, and keep getting promoted to torture a larger organization underneath them.
how arrogant! This is akin to someone with a communicable disease who go out in public anyway, with no regard as to who they are infecting (infants, elderly, immunocompromised).
People with any condition which prevents them from performing ALL aspects of the job properly should look for different work.
Autism? who cares! Many jobs are available with less social interaction and would improve the lives of many.
who cares if it pays less? why should employees (or customers) suffer because someone wants to deny they have a disability/medical condition, etc?
Just because you can "hide" some of your problem doesn't mean it's OK.
Would you go to a surgeon who was missing both his hands? NO because it's obvious he can't do the job.
Would you buy a racehorse with no legs, expecting to win?
People need to be honest with themselves and work in an environment that is suitable to their temperament, skills, etc.
you can't just say you want to do some job (to make an amount of money, have a certain lifestyle) if you are poorly trained/educated/prepared for it and expect everyone else to bend to accommodate YOU.
it's the fact that people don't complain that these people get away with it for so long, and keep getting promoted to torture a larger organization underneath them.
1
Even more toxic than the "incivility" or more accurate, bullying, is the fear that seems to be the status quo across many industries. I often see that employees become accustomed to just putting their head down and doing what they are told even if it's wrong, unproductive, or ineffective for fear of being reprimanded, or even fired for expressing a different perspective from their manager/supervisor. I left a company where I was underpaid and overworked because I just could not take the constant stress and strain of one supervisor who regularly caused people in my department to quit with no notice. Quit as in leave for lunch or for the day and never come back. She seemed to take pleasure in humiliating ppl in the middle of the office rather than discuss issues in her office. She would give us contradictory orders from the supervisor that was senior to her, but would never accept responsibility for her orders when there was a problem. And as more ppl quit, those of us who could handle her rampages were left with ever-growing work loads. As soon as I had paid my dues and had the skills and experience to leave I did. The other supervisor over her was one of those busy bosses who rarely has time to talk and wasn't mean, but wasn't friendly either. We liked him much better.
7
So true. I had a boss like this. People kept their heads down in the meetings, which were excruciating to sit though. The boss would just grandstand the whole way through. We were all too stupid in his opinion to make any intelligent or constructive contribution.
I worked for a few years in an office full of very nice, but quite incivil, people. Open trash-talking about specific people in other departments was common. Women in positions of power, in particular, were mocked and belittled after the meetings were done. Some of the employees were friends off-the-job and brought their personal disputes into the office, making for tense situations that had nothing to do with the work. Our superiors rarely, if ever, stopped by our offices to check in with us for any face time - everyone was just used to getting urgent missives, orders and criticism from e-mail emanating from somewhere else on the corporate campus.
The culprit is simply poor management culture - as Jonathan said, clueless and remote. They don't even know what they don't know about the people who work under them. Too many people are being hired with big, important-sounding titles and given a bunch of direct reports as part of the deal, but they know nothing about being bosses to their reports, much less being GOOD bosses.
I'm still getting over what five years of that environment did to my confidence, self-esteem and work ethic.
The culprit is simply poor management culture - as Jonathan said, clueless and remote. They don't even know what they don't know about the people who work under them. Too many people are being hired with big, important-sounding titles and given a bunch of direct reports as part of the deal, but they know nothing about being bosses to their reports, much less being GOOD bosses.
I'm still getting over what five years of that environment did to my confidence, self-esteem and work ethic.
25
What's scary is that many of these asocial people feel quite free and within their rights to go beyond the acceptable behaviour of years ago.
A bitter, arrogant, mean-spirited, uneducated and unprofessional mid-manager and I clashed. Fine; I left. I was hired later to work in another branch (physically apart) of the same company. The first mid-manager, discovering I'd been rehired, stalked and harassed me through my new manager (a nice but dim person), then defamed me publicly, creating a difficult situation for the second mid-manager, who had to work at the same level as the first guy. I was left in an untenable situation. I filed a complaint with my provincial workplace ombudsman, which was satisfying but pointless.
There is no sanity or civility left in the workplace, and I hear this echoed by many I know. People are free to be as mentally ill or ill-behaved as they wish to be. Anarchy reins, and it's difficult to think these dysfunctional people haven't affected the larger economy.
A bitter, arrogant, mean-spirited, uneducated and unprofessional mid-manager and I clashed. Fine; I left. I was hired later to work in another branch (physically apart) of the same company. The first mid-manager, discovering I'd been rehired, stalked and harassed me through my new manager (a nice but dim person), then defamed me publicly, creating a difficult situation for the second mid-manager, who had to work at the same level as the first guy. I was left in an untenable situation. I filed a complaint with my provincial workplace ombudsman, which was satisfying but pointless.
There is no sanity or civility left in the workplace, and I hear this echoed by many I know. People are free to be as mentally ill or ill-behaved as they wish to be. Anarchy reins, and it's difficult to think these dysfunctional people haven't affected the larger economy.
32
I worked in the District of Columbia's law office for more than 35 years. In the early 90's Chuck Ruff, one of the most distinguished lawyers in Washington, was hired to head our office at a massive pay cut. He resigned from that position to represent President Clinton in impeachment proceedings in the Senate.
Shortly after he was hired, he addressed the entire office (probably 250 lawyers and nearly that many non-lawyers) in an auditorium. Almost everything he said was addressed to the way he wanted the office to run. It was with civility -- civility in dealing with each other within the office, civility in dealing with our clients, and civility in dealing with opposing lawyers. He said that anything we had to say to anyone could be said most effectively with respect and civility rather than in any other way. It was the way the office was going to operate.
We did try to operate the office the way Chuck told us to, and I think the office operated better under him than under those who preceded or succeeded him.
Shortly after he was hired, he addressed the entire office (probably 250 lawyers and nearly that many non-lawyers) in an auditorium. Almost everything he said was addressed to the way he wanted the office to run. It was with civility -- civility in dealing with each other within the office, civility in dealing with our clients, and civility in dealing with opposing lawyers. He said that anything we had to say to anyone could be said most effectively with respect and civility rather than in any other way. It was the way the office was going to operate.
We did try to operate the office the way Chuck told us to, and I think the office operated better under him than under those who preceded or succeeded him.
34
It is important for managers to be civil and friendly to their subordinates. They are able to work naturally in a friendly atmosphere. But the point is if subordinates have professional ethics or not. If they are just enjoying comfortable environment at their workplaces, companies cannot get reasonable profits and pay enough salaries to workers. It is necessary for managers to teach subordinates professional ethics such as how they contribute to companies or society first.
3
How many PhD students are willing to confess globally that their guides are mean, perhaps none. I can vouch for sure that a number of guides are certainly mean, may be the word " mean " is a bit mild.
A student's doctorate depends entirely upon the guide. So the student invariably becomes some sort of a bonded labour. The more number of PhD students, the more prestigious the guide becomes. So it becomes a cat and mouse game and the noose tightens around the neck of the students all the time. Further the guide can get employment for his students because of his or her contacts. That means the guide is the creator and destroyer if he so desires. No one knows in America and India how many years a student takes to get a doctorate or whether the student gets it are not.
Not all guides are like that. There are many very good, kind and efficient guides but a number of guides fall under this mean category. Guide only knows when the student gets the doctorate since remote control is in his or her hands. I don't know whether it's possible to change this sort of villainy attitude on the part of Professors.
A student's doctorate depends entirely upon the guide. So the student invariably becomes some sort of a bonded labour. The more number of PhD students, the more prestigious the guide becomes. So it becomes a cat and mouse game and the noose tightens around the neck of the students all the time. Further the guide can get employment for his students because of his or her contacts. That means the guide is the creator and destroyer if he so desires. No one knows in America and India how many years a student takes to get a doctorate or whether the student gets it are not.
Not all guides are like that. There are many very good, kind and efficient guides but a number of guides fall under this mean category. Guide only knows when the student gets the doctorate since remote control is in his or her hands. I don't know whether it's possible to change this sort of villainy attitude on the part of Professors.
15
Hmm. Another poster writes, "...a nation that has enshrined bullying" and immediately George W. Bush and his inner cabal, Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Bill O'Reilly, and other denizens of Fox News come to mind. When disrespect, contempt, and outright lies are allowed to pass unchecked and public figures gain more power--something is seriously wrong.
48
All it requires is a little smile to be civil and polite to people around us, and avoid rude shock to our essentially social self.
11
I once worked in a role that I loved and in which I excelled. Unfortunately, I was victimized by a clique that advanced by targeting and displacing others-- a true Lord of the Flies situation, and the worst experience of my life. (The senior manager who had hired and promoted me was displaced by the clique.) I never would have dreamed that such a thing could happen in a workplace had I not experienced it. While I was not fired (my work remained too good), I ended up on anxiety medication and the experience had difficult and long-ranging professional repercussions.
All of which is to say that I would have considered mere incivility a respite. Workplace bullying and more modest levels of incivility are under reported and generally handled poorly in the workplace, especially when "toughness" is admired as a management tactic or in a workplace culture. I commend Christine Porath for the important work that she is doing, and hope that her research produces widespread change.
One maxim and strategy helped me cope with my own experience, and I offer it here in the hope that it helps others manage workplace stress. The maxim: "The worse the day, the better the evening." The strategy: if you need it, give yourself 10-20 minutes to blow off steam when you get home and to receive sympathy/ commiseration, and then proceed to have a great evening. Leaving the stress or toxicity at the office really helps.
All of which is to say that I would have considered mere incivility a respite. Workplace bullying and more modest levels of incivility are under reported and generally handled poorly in the workplace, especially when "toughness" is admired as a management tactic or in a workplace culture. I commend Christine Porath for the important work that she is doing, and hope that her research produces widespread change.
One maxim and strategy helped me cope with my own experience, and I offer it here in the hope that it helps others manage workplace stress. The maxim: "The worse the day, the better the evening." The strategy: if you need it, give yourself 10-20 minutes to blow off steam when you get home and to receive sympathy/ commiseration, and then proceed to have a great evening. Leaving the stress or toxicity at the office really helps.
35
I have had this experience too. I am baffled by why managers allow people to advance by these tactics, as the perps are often not as strong performers as their targets. I too had my health badly affected.
7
Good advice. A skill that helped me survive a toxic boss was learning NVC taught by the late Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. It helped me hold on to my job while long enough to get a severage package.
4
My father had this ability....to leave stress behind. I remember one particularly bad dad at the family business, which was nearly bankrupt, a day during which we struggled with solutions for survival against a group of employees who were trying to force the sale of the company to a group of them for too little money. My father and I arrived home, exhausted, and I suggested that after dinner we continue strategizing. His reply, "No! I have tickets to the ballet!"
3
I worked for many years in a very large corporation. My experience was that your immediate work group is very nice and supportive. The managers at the bottom level tended to identify with the line workers rather than senior management - that's why Vice Presidents were jokingly referred to as Virtual Peons. They had no say in anything, and had to do whatever the guys at the top dreamed up. Everybody at the working level just tried to get the projects done, without much help from the big bosses, who were considered clueless and remote.
23
Not untypical. When I was in the Navy the best position was to be an E-5, the middle of the Enlisted power structure. No one made you clean the heads any more or expected oyu to be a department manager like the E-6 and above. The Commissioned Officers were clueless for the most part and relied on the Enlisted to just provide mostly unverifiable statistics for their monthly reports.
1
Brutal, capricious, incompetent leadership is the leading issue in the nonprofit world, where I toil for a living.
In too many institutions, both large and small, superior staff members routinely leave after short stints, leaving behind those too discouraged, inexperienced or non-competitive to exit. In such places, the day is dominated by executive directors and other top management who scream, flail, and suck the oxygen out of the place. The mission is compromised when Human Resources functions as a traffic control center, ushering people in and out, and institutional memory becomes a sad joke.
I sincerely wish Ms. Porath the absolute best in her consulting and advocacy work. I care a great deal about my field, and wish fervently it had the leadership it deserves.
In too many institutions, both large and small, superior staff members routinely leave after short stints, leaving behind those too discouraged, inexperienced or non-competitive to exit. In such places, the day is dominated by executive directors and other top management who scream, flail, and suck the oxygen out of the place. The mission is compromised when Human Resources functions as a traffic control center, ushering people in and out, and institutional memory becomes a sad joke.
I sincerely wish Ms. Porath the absolute best in her consulting and advocacy work. I care a great deal about my field, and wish fervently it had the leadership it deserves.
84
I second that. I left the nonprofit sector because of the incompetence and brutality of one too many managers. I've had a much better experience in the private sector, but I've been very lucky. I do believe that a respectful culture is something that is specifically nurtured through positive role modeling of senior management, training of mid-management, and accountability for respectful behavior in performance reviews. One place I worked sent all mid-level managers upon their promotion into a leadership role to intensive training at Center for Creative Leadership. It all helped. Normally nonprofits have none of this -- no attention to training managers, horrifying role models at the top, and zero accountability for the toxic cultures that some managers permit to take hold in their teams.
1
I hate to think that this is true...but I have observed it. I briefly worked at a nonprofit whose ED was hostile to staff and clients alike (I truly think she hated poor people, who the nonprofit's mission was to serve). She committed what I thought was an unpardonable sin---to harangue an employee at a full staff meeting rather than speaking to that individual in private. Very painful to watch. But guess what---she's still in her job and to the outside world is considered a great person. I left after just a few months, and pity those still employed there.
2
I think witnessing abusive behavior can be as toxic as being on the receiving end of it and PTSD-like symptoms can result.
6
I wish the author would stop using the euphemism "incivility" when what is really being described is bullying.
An important factor enabling this bullying by managers and executives is the imbalance in power between the rank and file and management.
A strong union in the workplace will go a long way toward rectifying the imbalance. Anti-bullying and harassment policies (along with pay and benefits) can be negotiated, and members who are bullied can call upon their union for support.
I don't really think having management tell itself that nice is better will go anywhere. They will need to be pushed.
An important factor enabling this bullying by managers and executives is the imbalance in power between the rank and file and management.
A strong union in the workplace will go a long way toward rectifying the imbalance. Anti-bullying and harassment policies (along with pay and benefits) can be negotiated, and members who are bullied can call upon their union for support.
I don't really think having management tell itself that nice is better will go anywhere. They will need to be pushed.
169
I wish I could share your generalized belief that rude, crude, bullying and threatening behavior is the singular province of managers and executives. I've seen and experienced considerable ugly, unfortunate behaviors from individuals on both sides of the rank and file and management divide. As the only female monitoring behaviors on a striking picket line, and a witness in a hostile trial environment, I was exposed to unrelenting bullying physically, mentally and emotionally. I used it in an effort to steady my own sanity and courage in a difficult effort to treat anyone on either side with calm basic respect; but I agree with those who express the need for a consistent underlying strength to remain steady and clear. It was an extreme experience in humane disregard that has not dimmed in memory. What is it that gives so many people pleasure in repressing and negating others who will not, cannot, or dare not respond in kind? My failings are most frequent in the struggle with grinding frustrations in the electronic, automated, scripted interactions of everyday life today, and the automatons we turn into swimming against the tide in programmed seas of consumer/citizen/human disregard. It is no wonder we love and are in awe of the few great ones who rise amongst us and provide hope in the possibility that it can be done.
desregard
desregard
2
Unions, really? They would if the self policed. Lawyers, doctors and and most other unions only protect the source of their dues.
Holding management accountable is only part of their role, in my opinion. I have had union people sick and stressed out when the union protects incompetent, lazy or malicious union members whose job performance is putting their union brothers and sisters safety and jobs at risk.
I am pro union, but they are often part of the problem.
Holding management accountable is only part of their role, in my opinion. I have had union people sick and stressed out when the union protects incompetent, lazy or malicious union members whose job performance is putting their union brothers and sisters safety and jobs at risk.
I am pro union, but they are often part of the problem.
1
My workplace has a strong union presence. It doesn't improve the workplace atmosphere. It just doesn't. Incivility can be too subtle, or even when blatant, technically legal. "Paper" discipline has become so rampant that it is both humiliating and meaningless: while embarrassing, there is no real incentive to take it seriously. It becomes just another form of emotional abuse, and loses any potency as a tool for those who truly need "reprimand" for deliberate malfeasance.
1
Humans are a toxic species. If you can, work only for yourself.
60
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Just think that for a minute. If every human being who ever lived had adopted your approach, we'd all still be living in caves.
Humans being a toxic species, I'm sure you'd be happier as a member of another species. Perhaps a fruit fly, with a life expectancy of about a month.
Humans being a toxic species, I'm sure you'd be happier as a member of another species. Perhaps a fruit fly, with a life expectancy of about a month.
Work only for yourself...and don't look in the mirror.
I'm sorry that you haven't had a chance to fit in with a work group that you really enjoy. People coming together to produce some result can be so satisfying, as well as over the top fun! I've had that with some of my nursing buddies (it does seem easier to build that cohesion on the night shift when there's less brass!).
1
I was a parole agent for the California Department of Corrections for 23 years. Being "nice" to inmates set you up as a target as someone who could be exploited, manipulated and as we use to say "set you up for a failure." Being nice doesn't stop them from assaulting you (I was assaulted 7 times) or making death threats
On the flip side administration was very businesslike very rigid very regimented. They understand what was at stake and a bad decision could get someone killed. They did not pit it on a personal level and made decisions based on the best out come for everyone. Mean? In my line of work it was a necessity
On the flip side administration was very businesslike very rigid very regimented. They understand what was at stake and a bad decision could get someone killed. They did not pit it on a personal level and made decisions based on the best out come for everyone. Mean? In my line of work it was a necessity
16
I was an officer in the Michigan Dept. of Corrections for 24 years, at medium security facilities, working with both male and female prisoners. At all times, staff had to be mindful of where one was at, and aware of the potential for a "set up," because inmates have 24/7 to observe and think about manipulating staff. That said, in order to get "respect," one has to give "respect." I never went to work in order to make someone's life miserable; on the other hand, I did not "expect" the prisoners to make mine so. I did not want to know what someone was "in" for, because I did not want to automatically be afraid of someone, or to be automatically repulsed by someone. I did not treat inmates like an "idiot," unless by their behavior toward me, they proved that they needed to treated that way.
Never once, was I assaulted. One inmate flagged me down on a sidewalk once, to apologize for behavior from several years previously. Once the situation was described, I recalled the incident in which I was required (in order to maintain control in a situation that could have escalated) a major misconduct report. The inmate wanted to go to a higher security facility, and inappropriate behavior was a way to get there.
At Academy, our training staff advised us that inmates would try to pit us against supervisors. I found that to be untrue. Management did it to themselves.
Never once, was I assaulted. One inmate flagged me down on a sidewalk once, to apologize for behavior from several years previously. Once the situation was described, I recalled the incident in which I was required (in order to maintain control in a situation that could have escalated) a major misconduct report. The inmate wanted to go to a higher security facility, and inappropriate behavior was a way to get there.
At Academy, our training staff advised us that inmates would try to pit us against supervisors. I found that to be untrue. Management did it to themselves.
2
Prisoners are not employees or colleagues -- they cannot quit, and they cannot be fired. However, prisoners do form groups and hierarchies, so it would be interesting to know whether prisoners are civil to members of their own group.
1
Not unlike a law firm! (I speak from 25 years of experience at some of the largest in the world. Not a gig for the faint of heart.)
1
Doesn't it all go back to those little words that some people learned as little children: "please", "thanks you" and "may I?" Personally, I believe that insensitive bosses are merely covering up for their own inadequacies. Their lack of good management and leadership skills.
Don't you get more cooperation out of subordinates by asking them to do something, rather than ordering them? That way, they will generally feel empowered, and be able to work unsupervised.
Oftentimes, after a younger person had worked with me for awhile, and they would ask me how to do something, I just turned the question around and asked them how they would do it. My asking for their advice, and agreeing that they might have a good solution was perceived much more beneficially by them than all of the compliments in the world. Also, we grew as a team and, in the long run, they were much more capable employees.
http://thetruthoncommonsense.com
Don't you get more cooperation out of subordinates by asking them to do something, rather than ordering them? That way, they will generally feel empowered, and be able to work unsupervised.
Oftentimes, after a younger person had worked with me for awhile, and they would ask me how to do something, I just turned the question around and asked them how they would do it. My asking for their advice, and agreeing that they might have a good solution was perceived much more beneficially by them than all of the compliments in the world. Also, we grew as a team and, in the long run, they were much more capable employees.
http://thetruthoncommonsense.com
33
This is a false assumption. Many employees, especially young ones, believe asking them to so something means it is optional.
One thing I'll never understand is why - in and out of the workplace - people say they have no time for the little courtesies and expect to be believed. How much time does it take to say "Excuse me"?
Abraham Lincoln as president was the good sort of boss. His cabinet members, most of whom had had little or no respect for him while running against him, came to love him (see Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin). For his part, he didn't care about getting credit. He cared about results.
I had two teachers in 11th grade who didn't think I knew how to write. They didn't express it that way, though. Basically, they took me under their wing. (They did this together.) I thrived in their classes.
The way people treat others is contagious.
I had two teachers in 11th grade who didn't think I knew how to write. They didn't express it that way, though. Basically, they took me under their wing. (They did this together.) I thrived in their classes.
The way people treat others is contagious.
64
Interesting... I live/work in this academic world some commenters are calling a paradise. I don't know if that's true. But I was on a plane full of people (men. They were specifically men) coming back from a conference. When the flight attendants passed out drinks, I started to notice that no one said please or thank you. So I started listening closer. Literally no one at all said either of those words, at least not within earshot. I did. Not because I'm special but because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. I got extra tea, so there's that.
136
I am old. In our culture that often results in being disregarded, disparaged, and energetically ignored. Yet, once in awhile, it results in being especially treated in a kind and helpful manner by delightfully exceptional persons. Courtesy, as it has become more rare and perhaps more difficult in our lives, stands out and honors those who possess it in ways small and large.
2
re: Nica
Granted, it is certainly laudable that we strive to have a civil tone in our dealings with others.
But, one thing my experience has taught me that simply saying "please" or "thank you" is rendered meaningless if it comes out of the mouth of a person who has little respect for others.
Granted, it is certainly laudable that we strive to have a civil tone in our dealings with others.
But, one thing my experience has taught me that simply saying "please" or "thank you" is rendered meaningless if it comes out of the mouth of a person who has little respect for others.
1
I had been working for a Fortune 500 company for almost five
years. A manager who hired me (and at a point became an
equal) constantly yelled at my co-workers. He called one
of their home and yelled at a co-worker's son because the
worker left work early. He should've been fired for his actions.
Management and HR knew about the issues and left him alone. He
was eventually fired. The stress this guy caused is endless and
at least three people quit because of him.
At the same company, we expected more layoffs. The tension was unbelievable. A bunch of us
were scheduled to be laid off in November - short of giving us
pension benefits. But, a high-level VP had a heart attack and died
in November, thus delaying the layoffs. I wish I could've said I'm sorry
but no one I knew did and I wasn't sorry. We were all working in the high stress
environment. The VP's death allowed a small bridge so we did
get pensions.
Politics and corporate standards set the way we react. If you can
be a bully and keep your job, that's what's expected obviously
because it's rampant. Show me one instance where good guys
finish first because while I'm no longer working, I didn't see it in
my career. It didn't work for me.
years. A manager who hired me (and at a point became an
equal) constantly yelled at my co-workers. He called one
of their home and yelled at a co-worker's son because the
worker left work early. He should've been fired for his actions.
Management and HR knew about the issues and left him alone. He
was eventually fired. The stress this guy caused is endless and
at least three people quit because of him.
At the same company, we expected more layoffs. The tension was unbelievable. A bunch of us
were scheduled to be laid off in November - short of giving us
pension benefits. But, a high-level VP had a heart attack and died
in November, thus delaying the layoffs. I wish I could've said I'm sorry
but no one I knew did and I wasn't sorry. We were all working in the high stress
environment. The VP's death allowed a small bridge so we did
get pensions.
Politics and corporate standards set the way we react. If you can
be a bully and keep your job, that's what's expected obviously
because it's rampant. Show me one instance where good guys
finish first because while I'm no longer working, I didn't see it in
my career. It didn't work for me.
71
This mirrors my experience working in the corporate sector. Micromanaging bullies were the rule rather than the exception. On Sunday afternoons dread would start creeping into my soul and permeate my mind like a toxic mist slowly filling up a room. Eventually the dread gave way to a seething repressed rage that always boiled away in the background even when I wasn't work. Had my boss been hit by a train or felled by a heart attack I wouldn't have felt an ounce of sympathy.
Several years ago I was involved in an accident (not work related) and spent a summer at home recuperating. Despite the discomfort caused by multiple broken bones I felt better than I had in years. When I returned to work the stress quickly took hold again and after grinding through the first week and a miserable weekend I did what I should have done much earlier and handed in my resignation.
This was before 2008 and I found a job at a small company with a very relaxed work culture and not a trace of the toxic corporate culture that was eating me alive. As a unit we are much more productive (not to mention happier and healthier) than any of the corporate teams I worked with. When people are trusted and treated with respect they actually enjoy coming to work and challenges and problems are met with genuine enthusiasm - no coercion required! Corporations are essentially mini totalitarian dictatorships and the work culture reflects that. I am lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed.
Several years ago I was involved in an accident (not work related) and spent a summer at home recuperating. Despite the discomfort caused by multiple broken bones I felt better than I had in years. When I returned to work the stress quickly took hold again and after grinding through the first week and a miserable weekend I did what I should have done much earlier and handed in my resignation.
This was before 2008 and I found a job at a small company with a very relaxed work culture and not a trace of the toxic corporate culture that was eating me alive. As a unit we are much more productive (not to mention happier and healthier) than any of the corporate teams I worked with. When people are trusted and treated with respect they actually enjoy coming to work and challenges and problems are met with genuine enthusiasm - no coercion required! Corporations are essentially mini totalitarian dictatorships and the work culture reflects that. I am lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed.
2
"Politics...set the way we react." So true. I hate seeing the rudeness and bullying I see of politicians on TV or in the news everyday.
It reads like you were working for AT&T post divestiture. It was a terrible environment as 100,000 people were laid off in the cruelest ways possible. Employees with 20+ years talking to an HR person over a speakerphone on how to fill out paperwork and told to leave their IDs and keys on the table and leave. Honestly, I was so stressed out working there I was happy to go in Oct. 1985.
2
In the new media and entertainment industry in my city, Some corporations have turned incivility into an art to bypass Canadians immigration laws. They make the work place so toxic that none of the more experienced workers will want to work there. Graduates have to withstand awful and fear inducing management to get a foot in the door of this industry. Lacking applicants for the more senior jobs (partly because of their awful reputation), this let them access to a pool of international visa workers who are no more then indentured. It might be a rumour, but I also heard those companies share blacklists of employees who dare to talk back. It makes everyone live in fear and hate their jobs.
36
As market fundamentalism has become entrenched in our society, employees are now expected to: work longer (often unpaid) hours, supplicate to sociopathic sadists aka "superiors", give up precious free time whenever a "crisis" hits and said sociopaths panic, pretend they show up every day because they just love the job so much (and act like salary and benefits are nice but unnecessary perks), obey the unspoken code that demands phony positivity at all times (indeed, expressing non-positive emotions is a serious infraction)...and they must stay loyal to the company but expect no loyalty or even basic respect in return.
This isn't an exhaustive list of course...but you get the idea. During my corporate career I didn't meet one person who was genuinely happy and content at work. Sure there were happy moments, shared jokes and telling off the Gestapo behind their backs, but underneath the enforced positivity and camaraderie misery lurked deep. The aforementioned Gestapo seemed genuinely happy but they were also seriously twisted people.
The euphoria of the post-Cold War years wore off after the booming 90s and since then the middle-class has been put into a pressure chamber and every year the pressure is increased. Upward social mobility has ground to a halt and for many folks 2008 ushered in a "new normal" of high stress, low paying jobs (or, indeed, no jobs) with future prospects looking grim.
Since 2008-2009 it really feels like America is on the decline.
This isn't an exhaustive list of course...but you get the idea. During my corporate career I didn't meet one person who was genuinely happy and content at work. Sure there were happy moments, shared jokes and telling off the Gestapo behind their backs, but underneath the enforced positivity and camaraderie misery lurked deep. The aforementioned Gestapo seemed genuinely happy but they were also seriously twisted people.
The euphoria of the post-Cold War years wore off after the booming 90s and since then the middle-class has been put into a pressure chamber and every year the pressure is increased. Upward social mobility has ground to a halt and for many folks 2008 ushered in a "new normal" of high stress, low paying jobs (or, indeed, no jobs) with future prospects looking grim.
Since 2008-2009 it really feels like America is on the decline.
2
Are these firms generally English speaking, Francophone, or both impartially? Just curious.
Boss has to be ruthless, dictator, rude and arrogant---------this is the myth in most organization. If boss is nice , then the subordinates will take advantage of it and will be less productive. Boss does not need love but fear. The working people in this country are very unhappy and suffer from mental and physical stress . Lot of them have ulcer, diabetes, depression and cardiovascular disease from the chronic abuse from their bosses. My own experience in work place is not happy . I am an Indian origin American and had to go through discrimination and insults . I know life is not fair and it is part of life. I feel lucky that coming from India, I got a professional job, own home , cars and children got good education and good job. It is possible only in America where the first generation have to work very hard.
From my experience, I can say that the happy workers are more productive and treat customers with smile. How you expect an unhappy employee will treat a customer with smile. When somebody becomes a boss should not loose humanity . Respect is mutual.
From my experience, I can say that the happy workers are more productive and treat customers with smile. How you expect an unhappy employee will treat a customer with smile. When somebody becomes a boss should not loose humanity . Respect is mutual.
40
Even more annoying than incivility is the current patronizing smarminess of some managers. They try to make up for incompetence by coming up with condescending teamwork slogans and requiring employees to participate in silly retreats that are supposed to be 'bonding' experiences. Employees want to be treated with respect -- not like kindergarteners. They want to be appreciated for their hard work and prefer a raise to monthly birthday parties and ice cream socials.
264
Indeed. What rankled me the most about my corporate experience was the overly gooey veneer of civility over everything that really was just a mask for a petty, fearful, and paranoid workplace environment. I much prefer the world of small business and tradesmen where "incivilty" is really just straight up honesty.
1
Concerned MD...I am 100% in agreement with you. My immediate supervisor is a wonderful woman from whom I have learned an awful lot. She does not need to engage in transparent bribery to get my respect or my best effort. The front-office administration folks are another story...and they routinely engage in silly attempts to raise morale with efforts that can only be described as bribery--and not even well-executed bribery at that. Every other week there is food left for each shift with motivational posters that would be more appropriate to kindergarten. There is a monthly "Happy Birthday" list, and most blatant of all, when talk of contacting a nurses' union arose, everyone got a raise.
Of course, none of the underlying problems that fostered the discontent were addressed.
Of course, none of the underlying problems that fostered the discontent were addressed.
2
Oh my yes! One of the demeaning experiences I had while working for a health care organization was to sit through a required "training" meeting with highly paid and well educated nurse managers, who competed to be named "princess for a day" by filling in blanks in charts with many pastel glitter markers and glittery sticky notes. As a non-medical, new home-based worker, this was an introduction to a frightening world! The Princess "got" to wear a pink crown and a tee-short! I waited for the deeply ironic explanation for this brainless exercise, but it never came...
2
KIND IS SMART What makes us human and different from other species is the development of our brain. The prefrontal cortex is where our unique human capabilities are housed and where higher level mental functions are located. In order to access higher mental functions, individuals must be calm and focused. Otherwise, we operate in a survival modality where we must either escape to safety or fight to protect our turf. Bosses who are wise either know this information or sense it intuitively. Harry Truman knew it when he was in the military, as he was known for his fairness and for his support of those whom he led. Paradoxically, kindness and civility can be overwhelmed by aggression. But forceful behavior blocks access to higher mental functions, resulting in the dumbing-down of interactions. Bosses who believe, wrongly, that aggression brings better results, need to understand that they are preventing others from using their brains fully. In the Israeli Army, soldiers select their leaders by testing them. They sit around and question the candidate until satisfied, or select another. As a result, there is great cohesion among the ranks. Whatever else you may think, the Israeli model requires using the higher cognitive functions. We would all be better off if we help each other to be more fully human and to use our brains fully. So, Boss of the world, be smart! Be kind!
24
Have you read "Thinking Fast and Slow?" Kahnemam, I believe, came out of the Israeli army, a brilliant psychologist who won a Nobel in economics. Fabulous read.
9
That is a very interesting observation about the Israeli Army. Imagine if that was how managers were hired in the States. What I find most interesting about that is that the Israeli Army clearly recognizes the power of true unit cohesion, rather than just a veneer of the same. And using a collaborative approach that is likely to cause soldiers to stay in the military is certainly not a necessity for Israel, since they have mandatory military service for everyone--so a manpower shortage is not a problem they to worry about much, unlike the all-volunteer militaries of other nations.
1
I was assistant to a boss who routinely threw temper tantrums at underlings more 'under' than me. On the day I told him that I could no longer tolerate his behavior toward them, he meekly agreed that one of us would have to go, and since he owned the company... . Being fired hurt.
Another bout of workplace incivility came not from above, but from along side. Nearby coworkers resented me as a corporate outsider hired in a slightly higher position usually filled by an internal promotion. I asked my coworkers how I might be less offensive and was told that my leaving would open the position to one who had earned it.
Corporate atmosphere seemed brutal. Sabotage was a strategy rather than an offense. Compensation was high, with huge awards at the top for every deal closed, irregardless of value to the core business. Turf protection seemed a main focus in departments.
University employment was paradise in comparison. Helpfulness and cooperation among support staff in all departments was the usual. Salaries and competitiveness were low. Money never seemed a prime motivator. Variety of personnel, faculty, students, services and presentations made working on campus a pleasure, with relatively autonomous positions and trust the norm. Too bad universities are being corporatized. Bright people gravitated to even low level positions because they chose the university atmosphere. Now staff reductions and fluff VP increases are generating high top-tier competitive positions instead.
Another bout of workplace incivility came not from above, but from along side. Nearby coworkers resented me as a corporate outsider hired in a slightly higher position usually filled by an internal promotion. I asked my coworkers how I might be less offensive and was told that my leaving would open the position to one who had earned it.
Corporate atmosphere seemed brutal. Sabotage was a strategy rather than an offense. Compensation was high, with huge awards at the top for every deal closed, irregardless of value to the core business. Turf protection seemed a main focus in departments.
University employment was paradise in comparison. Helpfulness and cooperation among support staff in all departments was the usual. Salaries and competitiveness were low. Money never seemed a prime motivator. Variety of personnel, faculty, students, services and presentations made working on campus a pleasure, with relatively autonomous positions and trust the norm. Too bad universities are being corporatized. Bright people gravitated to even low level positions because they chose the university atmosphere. Now staff reductions and fluff VP increases are generating high top-tier competitive positions instead.
41
My first full time job after I graduated from college was at the university I attended. I worked there for six years.
While working there I earned my MBA from a state university at night. Being a freshly minted MBA I was anxious to prove myself in corporate America and left my university job to try and do just that.
Now that I am 62 and retired, I look back with fondness at my six years working in a university environment. I loved going to school there and working there was just as good. I also met my wife of 33 years there.
I sometimes think that if I had to do it all over again I would have stayed at the University for my entire career. I would not have made as much money there but I would have had a great pension and not have the battle scars from my time in the corporate America shark tank.
While working there I earned my MBA from a state university at night. Being a freshly minted MBA I was anxious to prove myself in corporate America and left my university job to try and do just that.
Now that I am 62 and retired, I look back with fondness at my six years working in a university environment. I loved going to school there and working there was just as good. I also met my wife of 33 years there.
I sometimes think that if I had to do it all over again I would have stayed at the University for my entire career. I would not have made as much money there but I would have had a great pension and not have the battle scars from my time in the corporate America shark tank.
18
I am a faculty member at a public university. Prior to that, I worked in private industry. In my experience, the corporate world was more civil than academia. (I saw my share of jerks in corporate America.) However, in the corporate world there is the knowledge that you can lose your job because of poor performance. Not so in academia, especially at a public university. There are so many people on campus that are married to each other or related to each other, you would think you were at a family reunion, rather than at a job. People with minimal qualifications are hired, because they are related to someone in a position to hire them or knows someone who does. Many of the employees have never worked anywhere else, so they have no idea that there might be another way to do things.
Since these folks never worry about losing their jobs, there is no penalty for uncivil behavior. Some of the country's best educated people are actually spoiled brats. (As an example, check out the "Forum" of the "Chronicle of Higher Education" site to see the snark from plenty of posters.) For faculty members, you can be denied tenure if you are not viewed as "congenial" which is subjective and is code for "if you don't go along with me you are out."
I took the quiz and my workplace scored high on the toxic scale. I am frantically looking and hope to find another job soon. In corporate American, I did not have the poor health issues that I now have in academia.
Since these folks never worry about losing their jobs, there is no penalty for uncivil behavior. Some of the country's best educated people are actually spoiled brats. (As an example, check out the "Forum" of the "Chronicle of Higher Education" site to see the snark from plenty of posters.) For faculty members, you can be denied tenure if you are not viewed as "congenial" which is subjective and is code for "if you don't go along with me you are out."
I took the quiz and my workplace scored high on the toxic scale. I am frantically looking and hope to find another job soon. In corporate American, I did not have the poor health issues that I now have in academia.
After working half my life in corporations very large, a few small, then teaching at high school level in the US and elsewhere, I set up my own small business and worked as a one person company for the last 35 years. I remember being giddy with relief as over time I felt freedom and self respect and self reliance replace decades of office politics and duplicity, followed by management hierarchies in school systems awash in ineptitude and self serving mediocrity. My business was a stressful one; but I was in control and determined how it was run. I believe it added health and years to my life.
2
It's a good thing that prominent academics like Dr. Porath study such phenomena as workplace incivility and abusive supervision outside of the academy. For, if they were to ever dare turn their 10,000-watt hypocritical research portfolio inward and analyze the pernicious ways high-flying academics systematically abuse their subordinates (e.g., graduate students) and colleagues (e.g., adjunct faculty) with such psychotic behaviors as cyber stalking, sexual harassment, discrimination of the disabled, prejudicial grading of minority students during such closeted rituals as "comprehensive exams", and mobbing of work-life balance challenged coworkers seeking the stability of tenure, they would never need leave their own hallowed Ivory Towers to "publish or perish".
Time to get real and practice a little housecleaning, I/O and management scholars. Your sacred cow is burning from within!
Time to get real and practice a little housecleaning, I/O and management scholars. Your sacred cow is burning from within!
23
I have never experienced incivility inside an academic institution. The highest flying academics, Nobel winners to be precise, were the most humble, most kind, and most supportive people. In corporate sector, it's endemic. And HR supports such behavior as 'strong management style' or 'robust conversation. Is there any hope for change?
2
Thank you so much for this article!
14
Your last sentence...to hold them down. Power is viewed as absolute. The need to rise to the top is predicated on the ability to stand on other people.
It is nearly impossible to accept that civil behaviour which enables other people to perform at their highest potential, enables those people to rise to levels of power superior to your own.
The good of the group is not viewed as superior to the good of the individual.
It is nearly impossible to accept that civil behaviour which enables other people to perform at their highest potential, enables those people to rise to levels of power superior to your own.
The good of the group is not viewed as superior to the good of the individual.
16
I think a major reason there are "bad" bosses is that a particular job for them is just a stepping stone to a better position. So it is a short term proposition to make oneself look good that doesn't necessarily depend on the goodwill of employees. If you tell the right people how wonderful you are in spite of the facts, that can often carry you through to the next higher prestige/higher paying gig. I have definitely seen this phenomenon at work.
22
Basically what you're saying is follow the Golden Rule which is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This should apply not only to our places of employment, but to every other place in our society which is becoming increasingly more "uncivil" (i.e., hostile) each day.
24
Work isn't the only place where people are rude. People are rude everywhere you go, these days. On the streets, in your neighborhood, in the stores. Selfish, me-first behavior is the way it goes. Sad.
106
I just had an interview for my dream job. The people I called with questions before the interview were either rude or inept or unresponsive. These behaviors escalated to hostile during the interview. When I called the president to let him know that I was withdrawing my application, he hung up on me. In one sense, I wish things had been different, since it was the ideal job (on paper). In another sense, I'm glad to know the true personalities of the people so I can avoid a bad job situation.
143
Civility is not generally a problem where I work. What is a problem is long hours and pay scales that do not permit a middle class lifestyle in our geographic area.
21
I was most interested in the assertion that incivility adversely affects the processing of information. Let us hope that the demeaning comments made by some college and university professors cease after they read the piece. In my years at Clemson University many students told me how offended they had been by derogatory comments. Students, after all,do not arrive in freshmen class with PhD's.
24
Seems to me that people have become, over time, more and more uncivil. For many, a little power simply magnifies that tendency.
I try to behave at all times as if my mom were watching; that works pretty well for me.
I try to behave at all times as if my mom were watching; that works pretty well for me.
33
You must have had some wonderful mother! congrats.
1
I had a boss once, who in a fit, kicked a hole in the wall. This was the journalism industry, which offered about zero professional development. The only such "training" that existed focused on preventing (lawyer-driven) negatives (e.g., sexual harassment) rather than promoting positive relationships. Leadership is just good parenting, right? Providing space and support to help others find their way, with less emphasis on judgment/control and more on growing/learning. When we can do it our way, we are more productive. (Put another way, good managers provide choice - "what do YOU think?" - which leads to greater responsibility.) None of this will ever work unless people begin to treat others as people, which involves so much of what "professionals" run from - being real, being vulnerable, and being authentic. That's the kind of leadership people crave - which is simply relationship. Many businesses understand that authentic relationships do contribute to the bottom line. Too many address relationships at only the surface level, and most - as we know - talk one talk and walk a completely different one.
13
I once had a boss who threw a stapler because someone else had logged onto her computer.
The stapler went whizzing by my head and missed hitting me by a millimeter or two.
Her profession: she was a nurse.
The stapler went whizzing by my head and missed hitting me by a millimeter or two.
Her profession: she was a nurse.
29
@KathleenJ: "... someone else had logged onto her computer."
Was the computer at her own workstation, or was it one that could be used by more than one person? Specifically, whose chair was the interloper sitting in?
Was the computer at her own workstation, or was it one that could be used by more than one person? Specifically, whose chair was the interloper sitting in?
1
That happens in law firms a lot - particularly large ones. Big rainmakers get away with bloody murder.
The worst bosses are those who inherit a family business and feel entitled to be rude, arrogant and uncivil to their employees, as if they actually earned their position.
22
Read: Donald Trump!
12
It's funny when all the employees know the boss is technically wrong and an MBA VP in charge of personnel hears it but ignores it. The response is "so sue me". Maybe you'll see an aberration of this on 60 minutes but it is an aberration and not the normal monkey brain coming out of the jungle saying "want to see how much power I have?" This type of personality has to be removed, your not going to significantly change it
10
My experience is that HR's job is to shield management and protect the company. Employees are "fungible".
1
I don't know exactly where this fits into the topic of this article, but it's pertinent to workplace atmosphere. Our larger company provided many training classes for "working" levels of employees. Looking back, the majority of these classes on "ethics" really focused on potential legal problems for the company, e. g., sexual harassment, record keeping errors, etc. Then there was the odd class addressing teamwork in the interest of higher individual productivity. But my husband was finally moved to comment in one class "It's too late for people who don't yet know ethical behavior to learn what they should have learned from their grandmothers". We have generations of well educated people who have major responsibilities in the work place who never learned ethical behavior.
64
A couple of years ago I took a Business Ethics course as a management elective toward my degree. We learned about treating our vendors and customers in an ethical manner and we learned all about the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. What we did not discuss was how to treat our employees in an ethical manner. Not once, not one word in the entire 16-week semester.
I guess employees simply don't matter.
I guess employees simply don't matter.
1
The basis for tyrannical behavior is simply fear and a feeling of impotence. Remember that next time someone is trying to cut you down to size. The greatest power in the world is a smile and direct eye-contact....remember that when you're trying to get something accomplished.
24
They are bullies, pure and simple, and become cowards when their victims effectively "fight back."
9
One of the most interesting comments I've ever heard came from a union organizer I knew. The owner of a company he was organizing said to him that he was going to ruin the company with all the union rules. The organizer replied "No, you've already ruined your company by your attitude. I'm never allowed in the gates of a well run company, the workforce doesn't want me. But now I'm here to protect the workforce from you. You have no one to blame but yourself."
245
Bruce, I have never been one to like, 'modern unions'. But, your statement to that owner, really, makes sense!
1
When I was in the film business, certain directors had reputations as people you simply did not work for.
At one point, I was horrified to find out that I'd been accidentally (long story) booked for one of these guys.
He turned out not to be bad at all. And no, it wasn't that the stories were wrong: He had changed. I later heard that his producer had taken him aside, showed him names in the union roster, and said, "These are the people who will no longer work with you. I can't get you a good crew any more."
It's too bad that more people in positions of power aren't forced into similar come-to-Jesus moments.
At one point, I was horrified to find out that I'd been accidentally (long story) booked for one of these guys.
He turned out not to be bad at all. And no, it wasn't that the stories were wrong: He had changed. I later heard that his producer had taken him aside, showed him names in the union roster, and said, "These are the people who will no longer work with you. I can't get you a good crew any more."
It's too bad that more people in positions of power aren't forced into similar come-to-Jesus moments.
152
Manners cost nothing.
19
This is MRS. But manners have high value--so high they are priceless!
1
It is just awful to love your work and hate your boss. It is worse when the boss is nuts. When I was 50 the law firm I had worked downsized. They no longer needed a trial lawyer so I answered an ad from an established small firm that specialized in admiralty and insurance company cases. There was only one partner, Joe, about 55 who offered me a job at more than I was making. At 50 I would have been a fool to turn it down.
There were 6 offices for attorneys other than Joe’s corner office. As soon as the 6 offices were filled he fired one attorney. The associates were young and with one exception a tall thin blond, attorneys were raged at. “Why must I be the punishing father” he would shout is a deep loud voice. His daughter in her 20's refused to talk to him. His son in his late 20's had a terrible stutter when he visited his dad, otherwise he had no stutter.
Once, we were all called into our law library to investigate who left a book unshelved on the table. Who did this he would scream than looking at each of demanded to know “Am I crazy? Am I crazy? Am I crazeee?” No one told the truth, certainly not me.
Joe hated me. Major clients wanted me to try their cases and Joe wanted to long weekends at his “farm” and I never lost a case so my job was safe until I lost. Lawyers he needed to keep he paid very well. The younger lawyers who went through the meat grinder were lucky to get out unscarred. Especially the women who were substitute daughters.
There were 6 offices for attorneys other than Joe’s corner office. As soon as the 6 offices were filled he fired one attorney. The associates were young and with one exception a tall thin blond, attorneys were raged at. “Why must I be the punishing father” he would shout is a deep loud voice. His daughter in her 20's refused to talk to him. His son in his late 20's had a terrible stutter when he visited his dad, otherwise he had no stutter.
Once, we were all called into our law library to investigate who left a book unshelved on the table. Who did this he would scream than looking at each of demanded to know “Am I crazy? Am I crazy? Am I crazeee?” No one told the truth, certainly not me.
Joe hated me. Major clients wanted me to try their cases and Joe wanted to long weekends at his “farm” and I never lost a case so my job was safe until I lost. Lawyers he needed to keep he paid very well. The younger lawyers who went through the meat grinder were lucky to get out unscarred. Especially the women who were substitute daughters.
32
This is exacerbated by inequality. There can be a chasm between certain positions, and it shows in attitudes
At a low point in my life, I worked in a law office which had roughly two levels of rank: the attorneys, and everyone else. The attorneys were bizarrely rude: they would stand in front of a secretary's desk, saying good morning to the lawyer in the office nearby but not to the secretary they were standing in front of; they would say or imply that support staff were stupid for "mistakes" that later turned out to be their own errors, then never so much as say, "Oops!"; they would sometimes treat staff in a humiliating or punitive way for something a little as a typo in a draft; and they did not protect us from the bad temper or abuses of fellow staff who took out their frustrations on the only targets they dared—other staff members.
I eventually quit. It was bizarre how rude they thought they were entitled to be. How much time does it take to say, "Good morning" as you toss a folder on someone's desk?
At a low point in my life, I worked in a law office which had roughly two levels of rank: the attorneys, and everyone else. The attorneys were bizarrely rude: they would stand in front of a secretary's desk, saying good morning to the lawyer in the office nearby but not to the secretary they were standing in front of; they would say or imply that support staff were stupid for "mistakes" that later turned out to be their own errors, then never so much as say, "Oops!"; they would sometimes treat staff in a humiliating or punitive way for something a little as a typo in a draft; and they did not protect us from the bad temper or abuses of fellow staff who took out their frustrations on the only targets they dared—other staff members.
I eventually quit. It was bizarre how rude they thought they were entitled to be. How much time does it take to say, "Good morning" as you toss a folder on someone's desk?
25
I often wonder how much rudeness, incivility, and anger people who work as techies or customer relations people for companies like HP or Apple or Microsoft have to endure. They seem trained to give their best, but I suspect they take a lot of the worst.
8
Some, I am convinced, are saints. Others, automatons as inspired as the systems they serve.
There are bosses and their are leaders. Both are in charge of other people and have power because of their position in the organization.
What's the distinction? Bosses focus inward on themselves, are obsessed with their personal authority and power, and view themselves as superior to the underlings they are in charge of. Leaders focus outward on doing a quality job, working well with all those in an organization, and remain attuned to, insist on, and exhibit values of ethics and human decency.
I worked at the same university for more than 3 decades and for 2 other universities before that. I worked for leaders and also for bosses. The trouble is there seems to be too many of the former and not enough of the latter in the workplace today. And, while I am happily retired, my friends at several nearby universities tell me things are getting much worse in terms of leadership, competence, and civility at work.
Some of us had the weird experience of working for a wonderful leader, who retired or went elsewhere, but then was followed by some clueless, uncaring bossy boss. Each had a clear effect on the worker bees and their relationship with each other.
The person in charge can change the work culture--for better and worse--in a matter of weeks. We all worked well together, until we didn't, which was when a bossy boss came in with both guns blazing and ruled by fear and on the basis of loyalty--competence had nothing to do with it. Bad bosses put weaklings in charge.
What's the distinction? Bosses focus inward on themselves, are obsessed with their personal authority and power, and view themselves as superior to the underlings they are in charge of. Leaders focus outward on doing a quality job, working well with all those in an organization, and remain attuned to, insist on, and exhibit values of ethics and human decency.
I worked at the same university for more than 3 decades and for 2 other universities before that. I worked for leaders and also for bosses. The trouble is there seems to be too many of the former and not enough of the latter in the workplace today. And, while I am happily retired, my friends at several nearby universities tell me things are getting much worse in terms of leadership, competence, and civility at work.
Some of us had the weird experience of working for a wonderful leader, who retired or went elsewhere, but then was followed by some clueless, uncaring bossy boss. Each had a clear effect on the worker bees and their relationship with each other.
The person in charge can change the work culture--for better and worse--in a matter of weeks. We all worked well together, until we didn't, which was when a bossy boss came in with both guns blazing and ruled by fear and on the basis of loyalty--competence had nothing to do with it. Bad bosses put weaklings in charge.
11
Been there, done that! Bad bosses like that chase away top talent; good bosses attract and retain it.
1
Something that was not mentioned in the article: sincerity. It's pretty easy to see though a manager who is following a rulebook as opposed to someone who genuinely cares about their group.
As an example, a manager at my company will acknowledge someone within 10 feet and say hello within 5 feet, but a sincere "thank you" or appreciation for when something difficult was accomplished is rare. This person did very well --- for a while. Upper management saw the friendly out going nature, while her subordinates described her as "treating them like chattel". She rapidly advanced for a while, but now seems to be sidelined. I don't know if it was her attitude towards the "underlings" that caught up with her, but the group did suffer because of it. A sensibility for and agreement with the basic principles of civility is also needed.
As an example, a manager at my company will acknowledge someone within 10 feet and say hello within 5 feet, but a sincere "thank you" or appreciation for when something difficult was accomplished is rare. This person did very well --- for a while. Upper management saw the friendly out going nature, while her subordinates described her as "treating them like chattel". She rapidly advanced for a while, but now seems to be sidelined. I don't know if it was her attitude towards the "underlings" that caught up with her, but the group did suffer because of it. A sensibility for and agreement with the basic principles of civility is also needed.
7
Workplace incivility mirrors our current political environment. Bosses feel they somehow "got there on their own" and ignore the team efforts necessary to accomplish anything today. Top leaders feel free to ignore them recommendations of the experts who work for them, despite decades of experience on the experts' parts, because their recommendations fail to reinforce the feel-good fantasies executives craft about their efforts. Finally, lambasting subordinates is considered being "results based" and is valued at promotion time.
When you think about it, the GOP are the uncivil, know-nothing bosses of the country.
When you think about it, the GOP are the uncivil, know-nothing bosses of the country.
17
Such individuals regard employees as a liability, instead of an asset, which is just stupid.
3
The US really is a pecking order society, that compensates the obligation to kiss up with the power to kick down.
This is evidently how happiness is pursued here.
This is evidently how happiness is pursued here.
13
As long as employees are seen as "resources", easily disposed commodities instead of the actual wealth-creators of any enterprise, this will not change. I do not know when it happened but in the current corporate American place, no matter how inept CEO's are (look at Microsoft: for ten years, one of the worst CEOs ever managed to make the company a running joke but he managed to leave with enough money to buy himself a team) as long as the shareholders keep believing whatever they do is for shareholders and not their own pockets we, the workers will have no more value for those running the companies than the chairs they sit on.
213
Rosie, thank you for your comment. There are examples where that is correct but many where that is not. In the corporate world, everyone is seen as an asset. However, those that work hard and create unique value, will be valuable assets that a corporation can't do without.
Unfortunately, in some industries it can be difficult to separate one self from others. In those cases, employees can be perceived as interchangeable. I'm a member of a group that operates dental offices. We have two very distinct group of employees. Those that are more entry level (administration) and higher end (dentists and hygienists) in the offices. Some in our industry perceive those administration jobs as commodities but that's short sighted. Individuals that thrive in customer service are incredibly valuable. Those that have strong team building skills are valuable. Those that are passionate about their roles regardless of position are valuable. I see other groups that don't understand that as being a competitive advantage we leverage. By having much less turnover, promoting from within, etc, our morale is much higher which is essential to them being able to provide the highest level of service.
Many in the corporate world are coming around to this view. The highest profile examples of this are Costco and Whole Foods. Both are significantly outperforming their peers by being employee centric organizations.
Unfortunately, in some industries it can be difficult to separate one self from others. In those cases, employees can be perceived as interchangeable. I'm a member of a group that operates dental offices. We have two very distinct group of employees. Those that are more entry level (administration) and higher end (dentists and hygienists) in the offices. Some in our industry perceive those administration jobs as commodities but that's short sighted. Individuals that thrive in customer service are incredibly valuable. Those that have strong team building skills are valuable. Those that are passionate about their roles regardless of position are valuable. I see other groups that don't understand that as being a competitive advantage we leverage. By having much less turnover, promoting from within, etc, our morale is much higher which is essential to them being able to provide the highest level of service.
Many in the corporate world are coming around to this view. The highest profile examples of this are Costco and Whole Foods. Both are significantly outperforming their peers by being employee centric organizations.
The change to "Human Resources" from "Personnel" said it all. Language mavens sensed it immediately, but our concerns were laughed off as mere fussiness. Language does matter.
3
Your ranting against "corporate America" is pointless. The corporation has evolved, over more than two centuries, to be the dominant means of organizing resources. Nothing will change that. What is lacking now, and what your disappointment should be directed to, is a strong economy that allows people to leave jobs where they are treated badly. The best solution to bad bosses is our own feet. But they are useless if you can't find a better place to work. It is government's responsibility to maintain a healthy economy. Keep that in mind for the 2016 Presidential elections.
A lot of the rudeness and bullying in the workplace stems, of course, from the sense that in a world of diminishing resources and increasing population, rewards from work that enable one to live well, or at least decently, are a zeros-sum situation--your success and ability to get a share of the pie directly impacts mine. (Bosses want to multiply subordinates, not rivals.)
But it goes beyond that to a fundamental disconnect between our work sphere and other spheres in that we institutionally allow restrictions on workplace behavior that would not be tolerated in other realms of society. From dress codes to non-compete contracts, we allow restrictions on freedom of expression, of association, and of creed that we would never allow in other, non-work realms. Think how many organizations won't even hire people who will not rah-rah in all circumstances for the company, even outside of "work hours", who will fire you if you don't push to upsell all customers all the time, regardless of their actual wishes or needs, or who might find your political opinions inconvenient, even if you've never expressed them in a meeting and only on your personal Facebook page.
With the abrogation of basic civil rights in the workplace, with no checks and balances to the arbitrary exercise of authority, it is no wonder workers are uncivil.
But it goes beyond that to a fundamental disconnect between our work sphere and other spheres in that we institutionally allow restrictions on workplace behavior that would not be tolerated in other realms of society. From dress codes to non-compete contracts, we allow restrictions on freedom of expression, of association, and of creed that we would never allow in other, non-work realms. Think how many organizations won't even hire people who will not rah-rah in all circumstances for the company, even outside of "work hours", who will fire you if you don't push to upsell all customers all the time, regardless of their actual wishes or needs, or who might find your political opinions inconvenient, even if you've never expressed them in a meeting and only on your personal Facebook page.
With the abrogation of basic civil rights in the workplace, with no checks and balances to the arbitrary exercise of authority, it is no wonder workers are uncivil.
132
Agree completely. Astonishing lack of appropriate boundaries. The worst director I ever worked under would go through the office daily commenting on her subordinate's clothing choices and required that staff use their personal social media accounts to promote the organization's marketing campaigns. When she asked personal questions that were none of her business (such as what I'd done over the weekend) it was often imperative to answer in a way that would make myself look insignificant in comparison lest her competitiveness be stoked - with hell to pay until she felt herself superior again.
Rudeness in corporations start right from the interview process. I know so many people who are strung along by companies after being interviewed. I call this rude and it has become the rule.
I disagree that that incivility does not pay. Colleges should be teaching this to students otherwise they are going to be at a big disadvantage in the the real world.
I disagree that that incivility does not pay. Colleges should be teaching this to students otherwise they are going to be at a big disadvantage in the the real world.
8
I have been quite fortunate throughout most of my adult life to have wonderful bosses, who have the same desires as the rest of us for a smooth, efficient, pleasant work life. I had one tyrant of a boss once, for about 4 months. She did pretty much everything the article lists, with a special talent for finding a way to belittle or insult pretty much everyone at the company. I took the opportunity to make a decision I had been mulling over for years: To move to a per diem status instead of a full time status. It was, quite literally, the best professional decision I ever made. It allowed my wife and I to travel 13 weeks per year, it afforded me significantly more money per hour, and allowed me to drastically reduce the portions of my work I dislike in favor of more work I enjoy. I thank that miserable lady for affording me the push to "just do it." A small part of me (okay, a VERY small part) wishes her the same happiness I experienced because of, and in spite of, her.
4
I really could write a book on this subject. Or at least be a major contributing editor. It brings back some very unpleasant memories; and don't blame technology—rudeness was invented long before even Moses got the tablets on Mt. Sinai, let alone the Iphone's miraculous appearance.
I've been out of the mainstream workplace for 30 years—the "9-to-5-check-on-Friday" version. Of course that change didn't prevent all further contact with rudeness, but I could now at least walk away from it a lot easier because I had become my own boss. Yet having that distance also allowed me to see my role in that back-biting world—until I lifted myself out of the dregs to advance into more meaningful work, I also used gossip, outbursts of temper and slovenly work habits as a way of not dealing with what I needed to do for myself to be happy. And that may be the key here in this discussion—if you are unhappy in your job, or with yourself, more pointedly, you will not give your best to others.
I've been out of the mainstream workplace for 30 years—the "9-to-5-check-on-Friday" version. Of course that change didn't prevent all further contact with rudeness, but I could now at least walk away from it a lot easier because I had become my own boss. Yet having that distance also allowed me to see my role in that back-biting world—until I lifted myself out of the dregs to advance into more meaningful work, I also used gossip, outbursts of temper and slovenly work habits as a way of not dealing with what I needed to do for myself to be happy. And that may be the key here in this discussion—if you are unhappy in your job, or with yourself, more pointedly, you will not give your best to others.
65
I think you hit on something here. Too many people are at their job because it pay's the bills not because they have a true desire to do the work at hand (bosses and employees). This leads to disengagement, boredom ..... Increasing the chance of uncivil behavior.
If I enter a store and the salesperson is looking at their smartphone, I leave.
Why? It shows that you are not interested in me as a customer.
If I want indifference, I can order an item on the Internet.
What is so important on the smartphone?
Is the President going to call you?
Why? It shows that you are not interested in me as a customer.
If I want indifference, I can order an item on the Internet.
What is so important on the smartphone?
Is the President going to call you?
4
Truly, I have found that service is so poor in retail that I am treated much better at the Motor Vehicles Administration and the Post Office than at the supermarket. I much prefer government workers.
A nation whose culture has enshrined bullying as a necessary component of competitiveness and success is a nation that will behave in ungracious, ugly ways toward each other. The prevalent dynamic both in government where I work and in private where I have worked for decades is let the management exercise its petty tyranny, even if their members are less qualified than the underlings. Oppress the underlings with inconsistent behavior at the least, harrassment at worst, to keep everyone off balanced, instill insecurity and enable the rule by fear that is the ultimate goal. Whenever something goes wrong, blame the underling and ensure that person goes home and implodes in some self-destructive way so that management scores another victory.
Make bullying an actionable violation of the law and we'll see this behavior diminish, once fines, penalties and even jail time kick in against the perpetrators. Meantime reliance on labor unions to pursue hostile work environment EEOC and civil legal actions are the oppressed worker's only realistic recourse. And in the private sector, woe betide you if you happen to live in one of those "right-to-work" [read: right-to-fire-at-will] states, where you may be terminated in retaliation for anything like asking for redress of a bullying-related grievance. As long as an employer is free to hire a foreign worker who has a valid visa, any one of us who was born in this country is additionally made insecure...
Make bullying an actionable violation of the law and we'll see this behavior diminish, once fines, penalties and even jail time kick in against the perpetrators. Meantime reliance on labor unions to pursue hostile work environment EEOC and civil legal actions are the oppressed worker's only realistic recourse. And in the private sector, woe betide you if you happen to live in one of those "right-to-work" [read: right-to-fire-at-will] states, where you may be terminated in retaliation for anything like asking for redress of a bullying-related grievance. As long as an employer is free to hire a foreign worker who has a valid visa, any one of us who was born in this country is additionally made insecure...
144
How does the US maintain the pretense that life here is about pursuit of happiness?
12
It doesn't.
Bosses, in general, are never taught the importance of "softening language", the language of politeness. There is a vast gap between,"Do it!" and, "Could you please do this for me?"
Bosses are taught, in seminars, webinars, through employment consultants, to never appear weak, and to never apologize--just move on. When a young person is learning to be a boss, sometimes they become more "bossy", to make up for any employee disrespect that they they fear their youth will engender.
But forgotten all along is that employees normally rise to the best of their ability--just give them the room and let them go. The boss's job is to direct, guide, encourage, make sure projects are on time and on budget.
It has been my experience that employees almost always give their best. Even if a company has an ambiance of malaise, or worse, a good boss still can get results from their team by asking, not demanding, for help, asking for solutions on solving a problem, and coming to a consensus, communicating and listening to each person individually, giving recognition for work done well in public, and discussing individual performance problems quietly, and in private.
It helps to be a "people person" to succeed as a boss, with full support of your employees. I have met so many managers who wanted the extra money that comes with the job, but had no interest in the people on their team.
Listening, and polite language, are the two most powerful, yet effortless, tools for success.
Bosses are taught, in seminars, webinars, through employment consultants, to never appear weak, and to never apologize--just move on. When a young person is learning to be a boss, sometimes they become more "bossy", to make up for any employee disrespect that they they fear their youth will engender.
But forgotten all along is that employees normally rise to the best of their ability--just give them the room and let them go. The boss's job is to direct, guide, encourage, make sure projects are on time and on budget.
It has been my experience that employees almost always give their best. Even if a company has an ambiance of malaise, or worse, a good boss still can get results from their team by asking, not demanding, for help, asking for solutions on solving a problem, and coming to a consensus, communicating and listening to each person individually, giving recognition for work done well in public, and discussing individual performance problems quietly, and in private.
It helps to be a "people person" to succeed as a boss, with full support of your employees. I have met so many managers who wanted the extra money that comes with the job, but had no interest in the people on their team.
Listening, and polite language, are the two most powerful, yet effortless, tools for success.
11
There is so much going on this opinion piece: Time as a construct. The pervasiveness of anxiety. The concept of busy-ness, perceived and actual. And there is a distinction I think between a culture of rudeness, fear, bullying and plain ol' bad manners (not paying attention via devices in meetings, talking on phone in group settings, including away from work, such as on the train, in a café). Back to work: Certainly more people than myself have experienced "nice" -- and very seductive -- leadership, that which masks a culture of fear -- boss "smiling" all the while, speaking in a measured voice, casting a spell. Yet behind the façade there is much suffering of staff. It's not only the loud beraters who bully, dominate, control -- and stifle! -- their staff. And just pasting on a smile? That won't do.
9
I've been out of the corporate world for a while but when I was in it what bothered me the most was the "civil" veneer that was slathered over what was in essence- a very hostile, fearful, paranoid- and indeed- totalitarian work environment.
Putting on smile faces and talking in polite code while doing some pretty shabby and awful things is the problem with corporate America. Hiring a "civility" consultant is exactly what a big corporation would do to mask their actual daily actions towards customers and employees.
Putting on smile faces and talking in polite code while doing some pretty shabby and awful things is the problem with corporate America. Hiring a "civility" consultant is exactly what a big corporation would do to mask their actual daily actions towards customers and employees.
3
I had to wait until my last job before retirement to experience the rudest boss I’d had during 45+ years in the workplace. What’s more, my job was in a church where, going in, I anticipated kind behavior to prevail.
Not only was my boss driven by calculated meanness but she was also incompetent — lacking even the most basic managerial skills.
Your article failed to mention how employees like her manage to survive. Her boss, the senior pastor, couldn’t admit that he’d made a mistake in hiring her, plus he admitted to guilt feelings at the prospect of letting her go.
So she stayed, causing untold ruptures in church-wide relationships and functions. Further, she had it in for me resenting my education and social standing. I survived for more than five years but when an inheritance arrived, it was manna from heaven and my exodus was immediate. PLEASE WITHHOLD NAME & LOCATION
Not only was my boss driven by calculated meanness but she was also incompetent — lacking even the most basic managerial skills.
Your article failed to mention how employees like her manage to survive. Her boss, the senior pastor, couldn’t admit that he’d made a mistake in hiring her, plus he admitted to guilt feelings at the prospect of letting her go.
So she stayed, causing untold ruptures in church-wide relationships and functions. Further, she had it in for me resenting my education and social standing. I survived for more than five years but when an inheritance arrived, it was manna from heaven and my exodus was immediate. PLEASE WITHHOLD NAME & LOCATION
17
I was working at a big corporation not so long ago, I had a mean boss that would ignore comments or not make an effort to attend my meetings. I managed to overachieve my targets, and found a new company where my colleagues are smart, company is very profitable and my boss is not only smart, but he isna very fair boss. I am very glad to have found the right place. I hope people can do this too and find options. No one deserves mean bosses who are not smart as they think they are :)
6
George Steinbrenner was the poster boy for rude, callous and mean-spirtied behavior towards his employees. He managed by fear, intimidation and humiliation. It didn't matter if it was a multi-million dollar superstar or a lower-salaried office employee...Steinbrenner was a ruthless tyrant. It was no coincidence that the two Yankee "dynasties" during his ownership tenure (1976-1981 and 1996-2001) were spawned during the two multi-year periods when he was suspended by major league baseball for his aberrant activities. The worst stretch for the Yankees was when he essentially took control of all aspects of upper management from 1982-1990. First it was Gabe Paul, then Gene Michael, who were able to maturely head the front office during Steinbrenner's suspensions and put together those great teams.
Steinbrenner caused countless employees to suffer humiliation and degradation. I wonder if anyone ever did a study as to the health effects of his lower-level employees during all those years.
Steinbrenner caused countless employees to suffer humiliation and degradation. I wonder if anyone ever did a study as to the health effects of his lower-level employees during all those years.
10
As an employee of an engineering firm with 40,000 people then a consultant/contractor, I have learned simply to 'fight under any flag' in the line of work. I am pleasant to all, kind as much as possible, patient as I can manage (with prayer to help with that), and impervious to bullies. I am not my job.
10
I believe that UCLAs treatment of my husband over a number of years in an on-going tenure process, ultimately ended up in his death from gastric cancer.
10
Try working on Wall Street back in the day when nobody cared about harsh treatment and bosses weren't enlightened about appropriate workplace behavior.
It was a man's world then and as young men we had to take it or risk our jobs. I'm not complaining. Just explaining.
I could tell you stories -- e.g., a phone (the old black heavy kind) pulled out of a wall and thrown at the object of displeasure -- that would make much of what you write about appear like a minor dispute at a day care center.
It was a man's world then and as young men we had to take it or risk our jobs. I'm not complaining. Just explaining.
I could tell you stories -- e.g., a phone (the old black heavy kind) pulled out of a wall and thrown at the object of displeasure -- that would make much of what you write about appear like a minor dispute at a day care center.
6
I wonder how well the research cited holds up across cultural boundaries, say between US, Germany, Turkey, Russia, India, Japan? This brings to mind Hofstede's cultural dimensions, specifically the Power Index, which "expresses the degree to which the less powerful members of a society accept and expect that power is distributed unequally." Are there, then, different ways to express "civility?"
4
I fear this may be another example of taking the results of a flawed survey and running — pretty far, in this case — with them, because I strongly suspect that, if anything, offices were far less civil in the past. The difference now is that people are more aware of it & less willing to take it.
Yes, people are petrified of losing their jobs in this dog-eat-dog economy. But even so, I definitely perceive that people across the board are far less tolerant of the behavior the author describes. Partly, it's societal, partly legal, and partly generational.
In other words, the exact opposite of the writer's conclusions.
Yes, people are petrified of losing their jobs in this dog-eat-dog economy. But even so, I definitely perceive that people across the board are far less tolerant of the behavior the author describes. Partly, it's societal, partly legal, and partly generational.
In other words, the exact opposite of the writer's conclusions.
3
I'm in my 40th year as a hospital pharmacist. I must have had day-to-day contact with at least 50 managers and administrators over that time. I can recall maybe two good ones. The rest were terrible; as managers and human beings. The only thing they did well was cause employee disengagement. And I don't think my example is unique, either in the medical field or any type of business.
I marvel at how any business is successful with the level of ineptitude and incivility in the workplace from those in positions of power, and how it stifles both employee productivity and initiative. It's actually remarkable that workplace culture has not changed one bit from the day I began in 1976 to today. Humans are flawed, and the most flawed examples become your boss.
I marvel at how any business is successful with the level of ineptitude and incivility in the workplace from those in positions of power, and how it stifles both employee productivity and initiative. It's actually remarkable that workplace culture has not changed one bit from the day I began in 1976 to today. Humans are flawed, and the most flawed examples become your boss.
16
Bosses reap what they sow. Most likely they will lose their position or be promoted when another younger, more arrogant shark circles their job. Psychopathic behavior is rewarded in the corporate world. It's not surprising that so many bosses are rude, self serving sharks.
9
A good boss is a people manager with a sense of working together and without the dependency upon authority. A good boss is also a natural leader who shows others how to succeed, showing others the tools and behaviors to develop them with a good example. Telling without showing just doesn't cut it. Commanding the behavior instead of asking is another critical difference. A good supervisor innately gives credit because this shows an ability to share the fruits of the employee's hard-earned labors. Rudeness in a supervisor is simply uncalled for and the turnoff is when people feel used instead of motivated.
86
This comment, though well-meaning, shows an aspect of many comments that troubles me. "A good supervisor innately gives credit because this shows an ability to share the fruits of the employee's hard-earned labors."
I object to the notion that the supervisor is "sharing the fruits," as if these 'fruits' belonged to the supervisor rather than the worker who did the work. A supervisor is in many, or most cases, to the rank-and-file worker to what mid-level coaching staff is to athletes. The former may tweak and coordinate and integrate athletic accomplishments, but doing, 99% of the time, is the thing. Yes a great officer or general is necessary to win battles, but guys with guns facing guns win battles. When the hero or actual doer acknowledges the supervisor/officer that's gracious, not so the supervisor pretending others' work was their own accomplishment and condescending to "share" credit or 'fruits.' That arrogance, and in many, many cases theft, literal and tantamount.
I object to the notion that the supervisor is "sharing the fruits," as if these 'fruits' belonged to the supervisor rather than the worker who did the work. A supervisor is in many, or most cases, to the rank-and-file worker to what mid-level coaching staff is to athletes. The former may tweak and coordinate and integrate athletic accomplishments, but doing, 99% of the time, is the thing. Yes a great officer or general is necessary to win battles, but guys with guns facing guns win battles. When the hero or actual doer acknowledges the supervisor/officer that's gracious, not so the supervisor pretending others' work was their own accomplishment and condescending to "share" credit or 'fruits.' That arrogance, and in many, many cases theft, literal and tantamount.
3
As the owner of my own company, I initially hesitated to lavishly doll out praise to employees, unsure of what results it would bring, but found that once I started doing it, it became infectious. Employees started praising each other's work."Yes, that was a great design she created," "wow, she organized those materials beautifully!" Our workplace has such a positive atmosphere now, one of my employees says she wants to work for me forever, calls herself a "lifer."
2
Sensitivity, kindness, respect, empathy and warmth are innate . As an elementary school kid's mom I don't see these qualities in young kids and I'm appalled to see it . I strongly believe that there should be a subject on Civility taught in schools beginning from first grade. It is easier to shape young minds rather than stubborn adults
134
I'm not sure those qualities are innate. I believe they are taught mainly in the home when children are taught to be kind, empathetic, and sensitive to others. School can also contribute and most of the teachers I have known attempt to teach children these qualities. It is hard if the children aren't taught at home though.
3
In Canada there is such an initiative: Roots of Empathy "is an evidence-based classroom program that has shown significant effect in reducing levels of aggression among school children while raising social/emotional competence and increasing empathy."
Should be taught at home too, by example!
1
If you think the often rude, vulgar backstabbing behaviour of all too many bosses (And, like so many of us, I've encountered my share), you ain't seen nothin' yet. Why else would a good number of corporations, especially in high technology and the media, be demanding extension and expansion of the H1-B work visa programme? Because, just like the terrorists (Name your own favourites here), they REALLY "hate our freedom" - but their reasons are simple matters of money and power, rather than ideology. When they employ U.S. citizens or green card holders, the worst they can do is to fire them. (Which they often do, often after forcing them to train their replacements. Rather like what the Nazis loved to do, forcing people to dig their own graves before shooting them dead. But I digress.) The H1-B visa holders, on the other hand, are (perhaps) little more than indentured servants; fire them, and they have only a short time to find another position (Which, of course, is easy once you've been sacked. And I'm a giant squid.) or get picked up by the INS for detention (being jailed, in other words) pending deportation. Now THAT'S power.
We need not be uncivil as a response. Just send a decently worded e-mail to our representatives and senators warning that if they vote to keep H1-B, we'll vote to send them home. One good pink slip deserves another, after all.
We need not be uncivil as a response. Just send a decently worded e-mail to our representatives and senators warning that if they vote to keep H1-B, we'll vote to send them home. One good pink slip deserves another, after all.
37
Wonder what Steve Jobs would have done if he was more civil.
11
Incompetent boss hire incompetent bosses who hire... Such is life! We all know the bosses who play the game. If you are young, single and childless (like me), you can just quit. After 8 excruciating years working for a terrible, poorly run company, I was able to walk away. My health took a toll I am sure. If a person has a family to care for this is easier said than done.
18
A good boss leads by example, having done the work of the employees supervised. A great boss permits employees to take ownership of and work for the company as if it were their own.
But in the final analysis, why would you want to work for people who didn't treat you courteously? Well, maybe you were there just for the money, "coining' your very soul'.
Employees: If you don't like your job, get another job! Life is too short.
Employer: "It's nice to be nice!"
Chevy
South Hadley, MA
But in the final analysis, why would you want to work for people who didn't treat you courteously? Well, maybe you were there just for the money, "coining' your very soul'.
Employees: If you don't like your job, get another job! Life is too short.
Employer: "It's nice to be nice!"
Chevy
South Hadley, MA
5
It's often very much easier to say, "get another job!", than it is to actually do so.
2
While my first reaction is to feel sympathy for those who work in "uncivilized" environments, my better sense must ask why these individuals do not find employment elsewhere. Employees have the same right, even greater in most jurisdictions, to fire their employers as their employers have to fire them. To remain in a corrupt organization, when there are alternatives, is to be complicit in the corrupt practices. We have little tolerance for the wartime soldier who seeks forgiveness with "I was only following orders" when in truth he has few alternatives, yet we are expected to sympathize with the office worker in a free market who tolerates uncivilized management.
Dear Peter, first a question what world do you live in? I ask that question not to be uncivil but rather to find and figure out where this"free market" of employment exists wherein jobs are so plentiful that employees who work for uncivil employers can simply "find another job"!
Discussions of "incivility" always amuse not because civility is a bad thing but because we see parading before us national leaders whose incivilitY is played out on the Nationa and International stage everyday. They demean and hector woman, the poor, the young and the old. They save their civility for the billionaires, the corporations and the lobbyists.
Television programs with high ratings are build on characters and scenarios that thrive on incivility-- overturned tables, screaming at family members and spying on each other while scheming to humiliate or destroy others. And we wonder why our society has become more corse and uncivil. Incivility is big business.
Civility is great. But the greatest incivitly is the way in which corporations t rest their workers...low wages, "independent contractor positions for every thing from janitor to secretary to clerk-- no paid vacations, no paid sick days and little or no stability. Jobs disappear in hours and families are left without income. That's incivitly.
Discussions of "incivility" always amuse not because civility is a bad thing but because we see parading before us national leaders whose incivilitY is played out on the Nationa and International stage everyday. They demean and hector woman, the poor, the young and the old. They save their civility for the billionaires, the corporations and the lobbyists.
Television programs with high ratings are build on characters and scenarios that thrive on incivility-- overturned tables, screaming at family members and spying on each other while scheming to humiliate or destroy others. And we wonder why our society has become more corse and uncivil. Incivility is big business.
Civility is great. But the greatest incivitly is the way in which corporations t rest their workers...low wages, "independent contractor positions for every thing from janitor to secretary to clerk-- no paid vacations, no paid sick days and little or no stability. Jobs disappear in hours and families are left without income. That's incivitly.
6
Not everyone can find employment elsewhere.
Some people have to stay in miserable jobs because they need health insurance, either for their medical problems or those of seriously ill family member. Not always easy to change jobs and change health insurance companies. The current doctor/hospital may not take the new insurance for a serious medical problem.
Some people have to stay in miserable jobs because they need health insurance, either for their medical problems or those of seriously ill family member. Not always easy to change jobs and change health insurance companies. The current doctor/hospital may not take the new insurance for a serious medical problem.
4
Hear, hear! Let them eat cake!
4
I have been an employer for decades. People will do more for you if they love you rather than fear you. That doesn't mean you do not hold people accountable. It means you select people of good character, then train and treat them well. People will want to stay and perform to keep their positions because it is a good place to work.
429
I have no interest in 'loving' my boss, but it would be a far more functional work place if I respected her.
3
There are many bosses, who are far inferior when compared with their subordinates. Most of the time they learn from their juniors only but they don't accept it. They neither take responsibility if their projects suffer on account of their inefficiency nor do the job efficiently. Further to add fuel to the fire, they show bogus superiority complex on account of their position. Ultimately the organisation suffers. Not only this, they will do anything to get promotions even.
It costs nothing if the bosses are nice with their staff, though some times they need to be tough wherever required and it helps the organisation to prosper immensely.
It costs nothing if the bosses are nice with their staff, though some times they need to be tough wherever required and it helps the organisation to prosper immensely.
7
Teaching is one of the most stressful professions (see recent Gallop report on education) and yet not by the measure of this quiz. My colleagues are collaborative and kind but we work for a toxic narcissist who is supported by a selfish superintendent under a system that makes any criticism "insubordination" and grounds for immediate dismissal.
25
In my school, the children are not held accountable for rude and disrespectful behavior. The principal has his eyes on the next level. The dean has favorites and allows them to break the rules. Referrals are not handled immediately. There are no consequences. When I took the quiz, I thought about everyone in the building, not just the bosses.
1
I've been fortunate to work with some great people over the years, the majority who are kind and show gratitude, and sincerely coach the less-optimal behaviors. In turn I have done my best to use this style. While it's not perfect, I've had much less turnover on my teams and we have some really good laughs. The job is hard with stressful deadlines, but we all seem to like to get up on Mondays and get into the office and produce some results. Life is just too short to not be kind.
9
Terrific! I would love to work for you, Yvonne!
1
I had the unfortunate experience of working under an arrogant bully at an advertising agency. He'd come from a company where, instead of giving notice and smoothing the way for his replacement, he'd emptied out his desk and left in the dead of night without telling anyone, least of all the company's owner. He carried the same aggressive attitude into his new position overseeing our pool of advertising creatives. The creatives were all friendly, helpful and successfully worked as a team. Our bully disparaged, disrupted and did his best to pit one against the other.
The result was that the creative worked suffered, and upset designers and copywriters started looking elsewhere. They easily found new positions, because they had each built up large pools of goodwill with former colleagues at other agencies. The bully decided to do all the copywriting himself because no one who still remained "knows what they're doing." That's when he found out the hard way that you can't act like an arrogant jerk unless you deliver outstanding results. Or, as the old blues song says, "your mouth wrote a check that your butt can't cash."
After he was fired, he tried to contact his former boss, who never responded.
The result was that the creative worked suffered, and upset designers and copywriters started looking elsewhere. They easily found new positions, because they had each built up large pools of goodwill with former colleagues at other agencies. The bully decided to do all the copywriting himself because no one who still remained "knows what they're doing." That's when he found out the hard way that you can't act like an arrogant jerk unless you deliver outstanding results. Or, as the old blues song says, "your mouth wrote a check that your butt can't cash."
After he was fired, he tried to contact his former boss, who never responded.
23
LOL! I pulled the "leaving in the dead of night" trick (actually, it was over a weekend) to escape from an arrogant boss who played favorites and let things go to pot while she "worked at home" (this was at a state agency, which didn't allow working from home) and kept important files in the trunk of her car. I gave two weeks' notice, then used up two weeks of vacation volunteering for a charity and having a wonderful time! My ex-boss ended up being relieved of her position, which was not surprising.
1
Two thoughts came to mind when reading this article:
The worst manager I ever worked under (he ran our division of a large publicly traded company and was my boss' boss) was a very intelligent person (University of Chicago MBA) but he was incredibly arrogant and abusive. He thought nothing of ripping someone to spreads in front of others and seem to take some perverse delight in doing so. He seemed to think that managing by inducing fear and intimidation in his subordinates was the best way to get the maximum performance out of them
As a result of his "leadership" the turnover amongst the salaried staff was around 50% in each of his first two years of heading up our company. The turnover rate was well on it's way to 50% in his third year when I left the company. Life is too short.
This man's karma was that his wife divorced him after 15 years of marriage (he apparently was no less arrogant and abusive at home was the word on the grapevine) and soaked him big time in the divorce settlement. Also he left the company where I worked under him to head a start up that failed within a couple of years after it's IPO.
The thing I most resented about this man was that he turned a company that was once a great place to work (and profitable too) into a miserable place to work. It was sad to see that happen and to see so many good and talented people leave.
The second thought I had after reading the article is that I am glad I am retired!
The worst manager I ever worked under (he ran our division of a large publicly traded company and was my boss' boss) was a very intelligent person (University of Chicago MBA) but he was incredibly arrogant and abusive. He thought nothing of ripping someone to spreads in front of others and seem to take some perverse delight in doing so. He seemed to think that managing by inducing fear and intimidation in his subordinates was the best way to get the maximum performance out of them
As a result of his "leadership" the turnover amongst the salaried staff was around 50% in each of his first two years of heading up our company. The turnover rate was well on it's way to 50% in his third year when I left the company. Life is too short.
This man's karma was that his wife divorced him after 15 years of marriage (he apparently was no less arrogant and abusive at home was the word on the grapevine) and soaked him big time in the divorce settlement. Also he left the company where I worked under him to head a start up that failed within a couple of years after it's IPO.
The thing I most resented about this man was that he turned a company that was once a great place to work (and profitable too) into a miserable place to work. It was sad to see that happen and to see so many good and talented people leave.
The second thought I had after reading the article is that I am glad I am retired!
17
None of this is new, but for some reason people still don't get it.
A company's people (not personnel) are its most important asset.
A person's direct boss is the company to that person. It doesn't matter what the policy says, if the boss is a jerk, the company is a bad company.
People who like their job, respect their co-workers, feel their opinions matter, are consulted about changes that effect their job and who are given the chance to excel, will have an 'owner's mentality.' They will have the organization's best interest at heart and look for ways to make things better. A company made up of people like this almost always succeeds.
There are a huge number of examples of high performing organizations that do just this, yet time and again companies opt for the old "Check your brain at the door, we'll tell you what to do and how to do it" approach. Too many people who are promoted are give the job for their technical skills and have no idea how to work with people; they may not even like people and now they are a supervisor or manager.
I would change our business education system to include courses like:
Know yourself, Know you team, Know your organization
How to motivate people
Managerial styles & personalities
Conflict resolution
How to tell someone to 'Go to hell' and have them looking forward to the trip
All of these are teachable skills that have a measurable impact on the bottom line. A workforce that enjoys its job, is more productive and customers respond.
A company's people (not personnel) are its most important asset.
A person's direct boss is the company to that person. It doesn't matter what the policy says, if the boss is a jerk, the company is a bad company.
People who like their job, respect their co-workers, feel their opinions matter, are consulted about changes that effect their job and who are given the chance to excel, will have an 'owner's mentality.' They will have the organization's best interest at heart and look for ways to make things better. A company made up of people like this almost always succeeds.
There are a huge number of examples of high performing organizations that do just this, yet time and again companies opt for the old "Check your brain at the door, we'll tell you what to do and how to do it" approach. Too many people who are promoted are give the job for their technical skills and have no idea how to work with people; they may not even like people and now they are a supervisor or manager.
I would change our business education system to include courses like:
Know yourself, Know you team, Know your organization
How to motivate people
Managerial styles & personalities
Conflict resolution
How to tell someone to 'Go to hell' and have them looking forward to the trip
All of these are teachable skills that have a measurable impact on the bottom line. A workforce that enjoys its job, is more productive and customers respond.
10
One of the worst offenders is USPS.
5
Depends on which office you use. I cannot say enough nice things about my post office. And it's been this way for years... And it is a very busy office, by the way.
1
I can speak to this personally and with conviction.
My boss constantly gossiped about me with his peers.. scolded me while teasing that I could quit at any time.. lectured me about "how things work" at a megacorporation (and don't try stirring anything up, he insisted!) Above all, he manipulated me.
I found myself lethargic, after eight hours of sleep and with a moderate workload. I had headaches. I had stomachaches. I also got injured in there, and the madness of work didn't help.
Unsurprisingly, this hampered my effectiveness, and eventually he fired me. Lesson: if you distrust someone and expect the worst of them, you're probably not setting them up for success.
Your boss does put a modifier on how much you succeed. Even if you're a stellar worker, you'll do mediocre work and won't be recognized for the good that you do.
One must also mix the threats and punishments with inspiration and motivation. Steve Jobs wasn't just a tyrant; there are plenty of those. He was a visionary.
My boss constantly gossiped about me with his peers.. scolded me while teasing that I could quit at any time.. lectured me about "how things work" at a megacorporation (and don't try stirring anything up, he insisted!) Above all, he manipulated me.
I found myself lethargic, after eight hours of sleep and with a moderate workload. I had headaches. I had stomachaches. I also got injured in there, and the madness of work didn't help.
Unsurprisingly, this hampered my effectiveness, and eventually he fired me. Lesson: if you distrust someone and expect the worst of them, you're probably not setting them up for success.
Your boss does put a modifier on how much you succeed. Even if you're a stellar worker, you'll do mediocre work and won't be recognized for the good that you do.
One must also mix the threats and punishments with inspiration and motivation. Steve Jobs wasn't just a tyrant; there are plenty of those. He was a visionary.
9
Incivility is just a symptom of people not acknowledging your work and contributions. My worst boss took for granted my 10-12 hour, lunch at desk and Saturday morning work schedule until I told her and her boss that I could no longer do that intensive a schedule, as my father had been given a year to live and the stress of dealing with it was killing my mother and I wanted to take more time to give her a break.
What I got was "you'll come in and leave when I tell you" and when I went OUT to lunch "you left me with incomplete reports." Things got so bad that I ended up nearly having a nervous breakdown, but ended up filing for family medical leave only after all other options were exhausted. I had been ready to resign, train my replacement and stay on as a contract worker if they needed me to continue helping putting in our new computer system as I understood that the pressures and time requirements of the job required that heavy workload.
But I never got the chance as both my boss and her boss lied and tried to fire me until I filed for family medical leave, something they couldn't fight. I got my revenge as I negotiated a rather hefty severance package AND made my bosses boss write me a letter of recommendation (with my wording) that nearly made him apoplectic with rage. I pushed for that since I figured he had given me unwarranted stress and lied to me.
It didn't have to be that way and shouldn't.
What I got was "you'll come in and leave when I tell you" and when I went OUT to lunch "you left me with incomplete reports." Things got so bad that I ended up nearly having a nervous breakdown, but ended up filing for family medical leave only after all other options were exhausted. I had been ready to resign, train my replacement and stay on as a contract worker if they needed me to continue helping putting in our new computer system as I understood that the pressures and time requirements of the job required that heavy workload.
But I never got the chance as both my boss and her boss lied and tried to fire me until I filed for family medical leave, something they couldn't fight. I got my revenge as I negotiated a rather hefty severance package AND made my bosses boss write me a letter of recommendation (with my wording) that nearly made him apoplectic with rage. I pushed for that since I figured he had given me unwarranted stress and lied to me.
It didn't have to be that way and shouldn't.
46
I am sure that the rise of women in the office as bosses and jealousies and catty behaviour have nothing to do with it.
3
Totally agree. I have worked in several corporations under female bosses, and invariably the work environment was much more poisonous than in the male led departments or corporations. Fortunately I had skills much in demand, so very easy for me to jump ship and simply move on. In the end I decided never to accept job offers where I would have to report to a woman or be working in a department led by a woman
1
Right, because when every office was run by men, there was never any aggressive behavior.
2
Pablo, women bosses would then then be only half the problem; MALE bosses being the TRADITIONAL source of the WHOLE problem. Your thinking is narrow indeed.
4
Today, I was complimenting my eye doctor on how friendly and efficient the woman in charge of orderning contact lenses was in his back-office. I mentioned that I had only spoken to her on the phone.
At the end of my appointment, he took me to that section and introduced us and happily repeated my comments to her.
No wonder that office works so well and is always pleasant to visit!
At the end of my appointment, he took me to that section and introduced us and happily repeated my comments to her.
No wonder that office works so well and is always pleasant to visit!
63
I had a similar experience with a surgeon who operated on my child. His administrative assistant was incredible. I had not yet met her in person. But I told the doctor how kind and competent she was. When I finally did meet her at the Post-op visit, she told me he had conveyed the compliment.
I have two experiences to share, both with law firm "power" partners, many of which I have found to be very harsh bosses.
The first is a reply, by a particularly ruthless representative of the subject species, made in reply to a cohort's offhand comment about associate work loads. The reply: "Associates are fungible billing units."
The second was given to me, in reply to a question I mustered the nerve to ask the power partner I worked for, after a few months at a firm that gave associates zero feedback. His answer: "this is an employment at will state." In other words, since I had not been fired my work was obviously acceptable, so why should I ask him a stupid question.
There are many more.
The first is a reply, by a particularly ruthless representative of the subject species, made in reply to a cohort's offhand comment about associate work loads. The reply: "Associates are fungible billing units."
The second was given to me, in reply to a question I mustered the nerve to ask the power partner I worked for, after a few months at a firm that gave associates zero feedback. His answer: "this is an employment at will state." In other words, since I had not been fired my work was obviously acceptable, so why should I ask him a stupid question.
There are many more.
24
Why do bosses treat their employees in an uncivil manner? Because they can. Because employees are seen as, at best, costs in the accounting ledger and, at worst, disposable pieces of garbage. And because no other developed nation is as hostile to its own workers as the United States.
470
Bullies are insecure jerks who need to be told they are boorish. Remember all these anctidotes the next time you hear someone glorify the "business model" and want to apply it to everything. In fact, it should stay where it is, but the arrogance of those in business leads them to think their method is superior to the model of good public serve that we are rapidly loosing as health care, education and government services become privatised. If you don't like it now, just wait a bit. It will get worse. It will only improve when we collectively have decided we have had enough. I sure have. How about you?
108
Grateful to have joined a full ESOP company, after having an alcoholic for a boss, who drove up my blood pressure at my last position. Life is too short. Dad died at 53 years old, largely from work stress, and I sure didn't want to leave my kids and this great world that soon.
13
The part about customers avoiding places with seemingly unfriendly staff is very true. There'a a restaurant near me that offers an unusual cuisine and doesn't do a half-way bad job foodwise but it drew a chuckle from me when I read on a popular restaurant-rating website that multiple customers decided to avoid it based on the non-smiling, non-thanking woman who mans the cashier counter. Apparently, I wasn't the only one that noticed!
11
As a consumer, I tell not just the employee who has given me exceptional service, but take the time and make the effort to tell their immediate superior what this individual did for me as well. As for the rude dolts, I make very sure their superior knows they have seen the last of me as a customer. It amazes me when a rude - and in the case of my previous vet - a rude, callous, unfeeling person - was in charge of processing his clients and their creatures. He said she had been with him 20 years and had a problem with her son. A friend who was a state legislator shared a similar perception of that office. I took my animals elsewhere, he did not, and surprise! when he had a serious and immediate emergency she refused to notify the vet. The animal did not survive. Now shall we discuss rudeness and medical experiences we humans have are experiencing as well?
True to a point, but remember that "being nice to people" is only the fourth-highest of six levels of morality.
2
Garbage. If you sign on and work for firms with leadership dominated by Aggressive communication styles get out - particularly if you are Passive. Learn to be Assertive. There are many workshops, books, etc that will help even the faint of heart to be properly Assertive. Learn tips to work with Aggressive and Passive-Aggressive communicators.
This is YOUR life - get a backbone.
This is YOUR life - get a backbone.
1
" In the competitive environment of the United States, however, a research uni- versity declines rapidly if it stresses these country-club types of traits and does not go after the best, even when they are ill-man- nered, boorish, opinionated, and critical of colleagues."
university of chicago Econ prof Gary Becker, pioneer of "human capital" economic paradigm/world view/[in my view repulsive comprehensive religion]
"The neoclassical paradigm allows respected economists like Gary Becker to speak of children as durable consumer goods." -- Clarence C. Walton
university of chicago Econ prof Gary Becker, pioneer of "human capital" economic paradigm/world view/[in my view repulsive comprehensive religion]
"The neoclassical paradigm allows respected economists like Gary Becker to speak of children as durable consumer goods." -- Clarence C. Walton
I submitted the above in a hurry; let me say what I think they show.
I believe the trend of the "human capital" revolution pioneered by Becker may be significantly responsible, as an out-and-out institutionalization of Hobbesian instrumental anti-humane values. Just think: before corporations had "human resources" (sort of like coal or electricity but they respond to spoken -or barked or snarled- orders) they had "personnel". This is a clear manifestation of "human capital" which continued the Taylorist hyper-objectivication of workers.
In academia, the institution managers get trained through, "human capital" was connected to a cultural anti-genteel revolution, in my view epitomized by the Gary Becker quote that reduces civility to "country club type traits" and explicitly treats "boorishness" as a veritable virtue, as if boorishness is a necessary and valuable emblem of Hobbesian down-and-dirty realism (Chicago neoclassical economics' supposed contribution to modern morality) over genteel sanctimony.
I believe this revolution created the modern university style of snark, sarcasm and bullying noted by many commenters (incl. an interesting airline anecdote). It's connected to N. Podhoretz's recent statement that one of neoconservatism's accomplishments he most cherishes is its "exuberant combativeness." The war on civility is in other words a conscious program, institutionalized and taught.
I believe the trend of the "human capital" revolution pioneered by Becker may be significantly responsible, as an out-and-out institutionalization of Hobbesian instrumental anti-humane values. Just think: before corporations had "human resources" (sort of like coal or electricity but they respond to spoken -or barked or snarled- orders) they had "personnel". This is a clear manifestation of "human capital" which continued the Taylorist hyper-objectivication of workers.
In academia, the institution managers get trained through, "human capital" was connected to a cultural anti-genteel revolution, in my view epitomized by the Gary Becker quote that reduces civility to "country club type traits" and explicitly treats "boorishness" as a veritable virtue, as if boorishness is a necessary and valuable emblem of Hobbesian down-and-dirty realism (Chicago neoclassical economics' supposed contribution to modern morality) over genteel sanctimony.
I believe this revolution created the modern university style of snark, sarcasm and bullying noted by many commenters (incl. an interesting airline anecdote). It's connected to N. Podhoretz's recent statement that one of neoconservatism's accomplishments he most cherishes is its "exuberant combativeness." The war on civility is in other words a conscious program, institutionalized and taught.
1
I really enjoyed your article here. I would assert however, that the overwhelming culture of incivility in workplaces as you have described, is not so much a product of the organizations as it is an effect of our culture. Our society has shown us time and time again how we reward and promote those who are cunning enough to manipulate, stab, and push their way to the top.
The reason that these individuals are so uncivil is not because of some unconscious deflector, but simply because it is not of their character to be so. By the time you have reached your late twenties—in my mind anyway—you are pretty much developed in your temperament and personality. If you’re a rude person who takes credit for other’s work, becomes jealous of other’s successes in the workplace instead of seeking out their expertise and partnership, will do anything to get ahead—including affairs, and sabotaging and lying at the expense of a coworker—then you are just a pure ahole. I truly believe you are either born and breed this way or not. Manners are something that are learned and instilled. Humility, and fairness and work ethic really are something that come from the home base and life trials. You cannot teach these skills, and it is unfortunate that many of the times, the reasons that the rude incompetent ones are successful in our society, is because their fellow corrupted buddies are already at the top hiding away a spot for them. It’s as if they have their own sick code of conduct.
The reason that these individuals are so uncivil is not because of some unconscious deflector, but simply because it is not of their character to be so. By the time you have reached your late twenties—in my mind anyway—you are pretty much developed in your temperament and personality. If you’re a rude person who takes credit for other’s work, becomes jealous of other’s successes in the workplace instead of seeking out their expertise and partnership, will do anything to get ahead—including affairs, and sabotaging and lying at the expense of a coworker—then you are just a pure ahole. I truly believe you are either born and breed this way or not. Manners are something that are learned and instilled. Humility, and fairness and work ethic really are something that come from the home base and life trials. You cannot teach these skills, and it is unfortunate that many of the times, the reasons that the rude incompetent ones are successful in our society, is because their fellow corrupted buddies are already at the top hiding away a spot for them. It’s as if they have their own sick code of conduct.
4
Bosses who develop rude habits because people like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates (at least Bill Gates 1.0) behaved that way, exhibit the same faulty "cargo cult" thinking as the apocryphal South Pacific islanders who assumed the big silver birds would surely land if they built runways. Copying the effects -- or worse, the accidental artifacts -- does not bring you the cause.
1
Sorry, I worked with (admittedly not 'for') Bill Gates 1.0 and, at least with me, he was a pleasure.
2
Steve Jobs was not consistently "rude", and his own employees sometimes told him when he was rude. Do a search for "rude" in Walter Isaacson's biography of Jobs for a more realistic perspective.
1
I will forward this article to my boss!
1
Will your boss thank you or fire you?
Interesting concept but if the 'niceness' is not genuine, it smells from a mile away. That sort of manipulation leads only to repression which comes out in even more egregious ways.
Those seeming leaders must first clean their own inner house, and become authentic, and genuinely kind and understanding, only then will those qualities be viewed and responded to authentically.
Those seeming leaders must first clean their own inner house, and become authentic, and genuinely kind and understanding, only then will those qualities be viewed and responded to authentically.
3
Not-for-profits are often "led" by incompetent individuals who "report up" to the board of directors very well, but show the people who report to them little or no respect or acknowledgement. They may come to the organization with few work-related assets but possess great skills in flattery. Too many members of not-for-profit boards agree to serve to enhance their own social cachet, and don't know much or care much for the mission of the organization, and they are the ones who hire rude managers.
Probably rudeness in the work place is responsible for many more illnesses than anyone imagines. Unfortunately, aggressive self-aggrandizement is rewarded, while the quietly competent are often passed over.
It's hard to believe that there is any solution that will work on a large scale to positively change rude behavior in the workplace, but recognizing the negative effects on health--and the associated costs of health care--may kick-start the process.
Probably rudeness in the work place is responsible for many more illnesses than anyone imagines. Unfortunately, aggressive self-aggrandizement is rewarded, while the quietly competent are often passed over.
It's hard to believe that there is any solution that will work on a large scale to positively change rude behavior in the workplace, but recognizing the negative effects on health--and the associated costs of health care--may kick-start the process.
20
Didn't we (you and I) read recently in the NY Times that "nice guys DO finish last."???
"What about the jerks who seem to succeed despite being rude and thoughtless? Those people have succeeded despite their incivility, not because of it. "
cue "the donald" trump...
cue "the donald" trump...
4
Swears? How about walking into your office and shouting with anger over a project that wasn't explained well at all by him, then using the "F" word at the top of his lungs, and as he walks out grabs the knob on the door and slams it closed before continuing the tirade in the hall, which is right next to the reception desk and front door? And the HR lady, with whom you meet because you're hoping that she can do something, suggest how you can protect yourself, call him off, something, says "You have a not so good boss." Ya think? The guy was bounced later for sexual harassment. Absolutely no surprise. Sadly, management said it was "with great regret" that they let this piece of work go. No, I no longer work for them. A blessing.
16
All of your proof on the benefits of civility are consumer driven, hardly any are driven based on how the employee performs.
What if the employee is very problematic, does a poor job, and never shows progress in changing how they do their job?
This is not addressed at all in civility arguments, as if merit evaluations actually don't exist or are important.
What if the employee is very problematic, does a poor job, and never shows progress in changing how they do their job?
This is not addressed at all in civility arguments, as if merit evaluations actually don't exist or are important.
There are ways to address problematic employees without resorting to incivility and indignity. A good boss can make the case objectively without belittling the problem employee and demoralizing the team.
1
Less examined is the fact that most people, including bosses do not want to be doing what they're doing (what are office buildings but monuments to smothered dreams?), so if you're going to be an apparatchik, you might as well reap some of the trappings that come along with being a well placed one. That includes a higher salary, an imposing title, a cramped office, and a big piece of veneered fiberboard to sit behind. If doing so means being a jerk, then so be it.
Because of these trappings however, bosses ultimately identify more with the organization and less with the common ranks from which they sprang, up until the day they're outsourced. I have seen this repeatedly with middle-managers, who never seem to grasp what dispensable pawns they are.
Because of these trappings however, bosses ultimately identify more with the organization and less with the common ranks from which they sprang, up until the day they're outsourced. I have seen this repeatedly with middle-managers, who never seem to grasp what dispensable pawns they are.
4
This article correctly emphasizes the value of strong and balanced leadership. In my own experience the most powerful (though uncommon) contributors to poor morale were co-workers I called "black holes" or "pot stirrers". These folks specialized in behind the scenes negative or passive-aggressive behavior, such as spreading false rumors about co-workers, inciting others to the point they became agitated about minor issues, misplacing documents, parts, etc. Strange how some people stroke their sense of self worth. They also are usually first to the HR office or union steward to complain about any trivial slight.
9
I have seen this, too.
From the essay: "In one unpublished experiment I conducted, a smile and simple thanks (as compared with not doing this) resulted in people being viewed as 27 percent warmer, 13 percent more competent and 22 percent more civil."
Also, not published was the finding that bosses who were not nice people, but who smiled and said a simple thanks to employees because they had been coached into doing so by management consultants, were seen as 27% more manipulative and 32% dishonest than those bosses who simply acted like themselves. Their employees also were 57% more likely to expect their bosses more civil behavior to last less than 3 weeks after its initial onset. After 6 months time, employees in companies at which management consultants gave executive-suite civility training were 47% more likely to believe that nothing had really changed at their companies.
13
One cause of "mean bosses" is the propensity of organizations to promote people too quickly into managerial roles, based on previous task performance or specialized education or training qualifications. Not only does this not create the ability to be a successful manager, it puts individuals into managerial situations that they sense (maybe subconsciously) they are not prepared for, leading them to act out their insecurities in "mean boss" mode.
If you understand the Peter Principle, you might defer accepting a promotion until you are prepared to be a competent and confident manager.
If you understand the Peter Principle, you might defer accepting a promotion until you are prepared to be a competent and confident manager.
12
I’ve always been considered an über-civil boss, although perhaps the object of such regard shouldn’t be the one to point it out. But I’ve had my share of uncivil bosses over a forty-year career so far, as many of us have, and I’ve formed my own impressions of the causes for a talent of some to so generously compel agita.
I’ve concluded that only a small minority of difficult bosses are by nature difficult people. The majority have appeared to me to be people ill-chosen to be entrusted with leadership that must result in measurable output. They lack the inherent capacity to see their way to productive motivation of others, and they lack the natural skills to bind people to them. Often, the worst of them also were promoted into positions of leadership without the mentorship necessary by more capable leaders that might have taken the rough edges off their comportment. They’re under immense, perpetual pressure to produce through others, yet they have no instinctive ability to do that. The alternative too often chosen is the lash.
We’ve commoditized so much in our society that often we think little of putting people in positions of authority untested in their ability to effectively interact with other people, or even in positions that interact with customers and clients. This is a very big mistake. Apart from the outcomes related to stress and lost trust identified by Prof. Porath, having the wrong people doing important things can actually destroy a company.
I’ve concluded that only a small minority of difficult bosses are by nature difficult people. The majority have appeared to me to be people ill-chosen to be entrusted with leadership that must result in measurable output. They lack the inherent capacity to see their way to productive motivation of others, and they lack the natural skills to bind people to them. Often, the worst of them also were promoted into positions of leadership without the mentorship necessary by more capable leaders that might have taken the rough edges off their comportment. They’re under immense, perpetual pressure to produce through others, yet they have no instinctive ability to do that. The alternative too often chosen is the lash.
We’ve commoditized so much in our society that often we think little of putting people in positions of authority untested in their ability to effectively interact with other people, or even in positions that interact with customers and clients. This is a very big mistake. Apart from the outcomes related to stress and lost trust identified by Prof. Porath, having the wrong people doing important things can actually destroy a company.
26
Richard, I respect you tremendously and agree with your general point, but can't help pointing out that the "commoditization" of which you write goes hand in hand with efforts to maximize profits at the exclusion of all else, a key tenet of many of the political conservatives whose views you frequently endorse.
"Robert M. Sapolsky, a Stanford professor and the author of “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers […]"
Perhaps zebras don't get ulcers because the bacterium that causes that ailment affects only humans?
"Robert M. Sapolsky […] argues that when people experience intermittent stressors like incivility for too long or too often, their immune systems pay the price. We may experience major health problems, including cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes and ulcers."
Intermittent stressors do not cause ulcers; a bacterium does.
Perhaps zebras don't get ulcers because the bacterium that causes that ailment affects only humans?
"Robert M. Sapolsky […] argues that when people experience intermittent stressors like incivility for too long or too often, their immune systems pay the price. We may experience major health problems, including cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes and ulcers."
Intermittent stressors do not cause ulcers; a bacterium does.
6
I'm mystified that the author seems to think that something different is going on only 'at work.' She's describing the behavior of narcissists, and the rise of narcissism in this country. It is well documented. This is not only about work.
A friend described her boss' manipulative and deceptive behavior toward her at work. I asked if the boss had teenage or older children. She said yes. I asked if any of the children were in treatment for drug or alcohol use. She was stunned. She said her boss had to take a week off recently, as his son had attempted suicide and was in rehab. She asked me how I could know this?
The people you see at work act the same way at home. Their children suffer from depression, anxiety, commit suicide, are substance abusers, or are mentally ill.
The bosses' parents probably acted the same way toward them. Until we as a country start to instill values of decency and civility in our children, via curricula in the public schools, this trend is only going to get worse.
A friend described her boss' manipulative and deceptive behavior toward her at work. I asked if the boss had teenage or older children. She said yes. I asked if any of the children were in treatment for drug or alcohol use. She was stunned. She said her boss had to take a week off recently, as his son had attempted suicide and was in rehab. She asked me how I could know this?
The people you see at work act the same way at home. Their children suffer from depression, anxiety, commit suicide, are substance abusers, or are mentally ill.
The bosses' parents probably acted the same way toward them. Until we as a country start to instill values of decency and civility in our children, via curricula in the public schools, this trend is only going to get worse.
161
"via curricula in the public schools"
No -- via good parenting at home.
It is fundamentally the parents' job to teach their children to be thoughtful, kind, and appreciative. And in the new millennium, to teach them to put away their smartphones and pay full attention to the people in front of them.
No -- via good parenting at home.
It is fundamentally the parents' job to teach their children to be thoughtful, kind, and appreciative. And in the new millennium, to teach them to put away their smartphones and pay full attention to the people in front of them.
About 20 years ago I used to work with an anesthesiologist who was a manipulative bully. She put everyone down, from her husband to everyone at work. No one was off limits from her wrath except maybe a few of the surgeons. I would dread seeing her name on the surgery schedule. I remember making a comment to a nurse friend after a particularly brutal day that if I was her daughter I would have to do drugs just to cope. A few years later the same nurse friend emailed me a newspaper article about this doctor's daughter being shot and killed while buying drugs. I felt kind of guilty for my flippant comment years earlier. I find it very interesting that there is a correlation between people like this and their children's issues with mental health and substance abuse.
Abuse is a big issue in the operating room. A frequent comment I hear is 'I wonder if he treats his wife the way he treats us?' Usually followed by an eye rolling from a fellow coworker and a comment along the lines of 'No, she gets the credit card, we get the abuse'
Abuse is a big issue in the operating room. A frequent comment I hear is 'I wonder if he treats his wife the way he treats us?' Usually followed by an eye rolling from a fellow coworker and a comment along the lines of 'No, she gets the credit card, we get the abuse'
Let's see, my past two bosses:
1. Repeatedly threw their staff under the bus to the CEO, whenever one of their ideas failed. Which was often, as neither had any background in our highly technical field. (Why the CEO hired people with no technical experience and allowed them to pass the blame for their bad decisions only shows that the rot always is top down.)
2. Discouraged and even punished anyone who pointed out that their ideas had some issues that should be worked out beforehand. The bosses' motto was: 'Anyone talking about the problem *is* the problem', so everyone nodded and smiled. Like the monkey tree analogy, the bosses looked down and saw only smiling faces, while the view from below was quite different.
In my long career, I have had more than a dozen bosses and had only one who was both competent and nice. I would have settled for competent and nasty, as most bosses are both incompetent *and* nasty. Incompetence is worse than unpleasant, as it is impossible to get any real work done.
It is the Peter Principle, where managers are promoted past their abilities, they know it, are always fearful, so strike out at everyone below them, as they know they can get away with it.
That these same bosses expect loyalty when they offer none is extreme stupidity, as it does not take a genius to understand that if you treat your staff poorly, they will find a way to repay you in kind.
And we are very skilled at never getting caught at it.
1. Repeatedly threw their staff under the bus to the CEO, whenever one of their ideas failed. Which was often, as neither had any background in our highly technical field. (Why the CEO hired people with no technical experience and allowed them to pass the blame for their bad decisions only shows that the rot always is top down.)
2. Discouraged and even punished anyone who pointed out that their ideas had some issues that should be worked out beforehand. The bosses' motto was: 'Anyone talking about the problem *is* the problem', so everyone nodded and smiled. Like the monkey tree analogy, the bosses looked down and saw only smiling faces, while the view from below was quite different.
In my long career, I have had more than a dozen bosses and had only one who was both competent and nice. I would have settled for competent and nasty, as most bosses are both incompetent *and* nasty. Incompetence is worse than unpleasant, as it is impossible to get any real work done.
It is the Peter Principle, where managers are promoted past their abilities, they know it, are always fearful, so strike out at everyone below them, as they know they can get away with it.
That these same bosses expect loyalty when they offer none is extreme stupidity, as it does not take a genius to understand that if you treat your staff poorly, they will find a way to repay you in kind.
And we are very skilled at never getting caught at it.
38
I worked for a large company for 16 years and had a truly wonderful boss. He let me do my job and was always there (at the other end of the telephone or e-mail) if I had a question. He did what I did and had been doing longer than I. We worked in the field mostly, avoiding our company's office visits when possible. Then he retired. Subsequent managers ranged from quite good to jerks. So I took early retirement and left for another employer. I had more client contact, had daily performance input, and over doubled my salary in 4 years. And I had a great boss: I hung out my own "shingle." No more "Integrity" or "Attitude" or "Teamwork" posters in the office lobby. They're rubbish. I highly recommend self-employment where possible.
34
I have worked in an office environment for decades and have reached the conclusion that "offices" are ideally designed for mental and physical illness. Office workers are forced to work in close proximity for long long hours in close proximity to people with whom they have no compatibility. Worse, rude repulsive people who they would not spend ten minutes with if they could choose. The physical environment also wracks havoc to one's health. Recycled air quickly distributes sickness, lack of windows/sun dulls ones senses while years of sitting at a desk slowly degrades bone structure while adding pounds to the belly. I hated offices and love being retired where I can simply walk away from stupid abrasive people.
63
I retired four years ago at age 58 which was two to four years sooner than I planned but some changes in my last workplace were not to my liking so I decided to pull the plug.
Now that I have been out of the full time work force for four years I have definitely adopted a retirement mentality. I have a hard time even thinking about returning to work even something part time at a lower position. I put in 36 years, much of it in corporate America, and it involved a lot of time trying to be pleasant to people that I frankly despised in order to keep my job so that I could pay my bills.
My advice to everyone who still has to work for a living: I know it is difficult for many people but try and save as much as you are able to so that you can give yourself some options when it comes to working, be it retirement or doing something you have a passion for but maybe doesn't pay very well. That is what my wife and I did and it allowed both of us to retire in our late 50's.
Now that I have been out of the full time work force for four years I have definitely adopted a retirement mentality. I have a hard time even thinking about returning to work even something part time at a lower position. I put in 36 years, much of it in corporate America, and it involved a lot of time trying to be pleasant to people that I frankly despised in order to keep my job so that I could pay my bills.
My advice to everyone who still has to work for a living: I know it is difficult for many people but try and save as much as you are able to so that you can give yourself some options when it comes to working, be it retirement or doing something you have a passion for but maybe doesn't pay very well. That is what my wife and I did and it allowed both of us to retire in our late 50's.
This is indeed a huge national problem. One way to address it would be to collect quality of worklife statistics for all employers and publish them on the Internet. Putting in place such a system would be surprisingly easy, as described in the following article: http://legislativeagenda.com/2011/05/how-to-fix-our-biggest-hidden-problem/
4
Great idea!
I've often said that leaders must think of themselves as tottering on the edge of a mosh pit. When they fall--and inevitably, they will--they want to be certain that the crowd will keep them from hitting the floor. Many leaders don't worry about the "little folks" until they're scrambling midair and everyone beneath them has taken three giant steps back.
14
I've worked for bosses mostly of the uncivil variety my entire life. That's because I've worked in newsrooms. Besides incivility, count conspiracy, nastiness, insults, expectations to work the hours of superhumans without mistakes and a lack gratefulness. (Would you have put a comma after the word mistakes? Please don't if it's the last in a series.) Don't tell me to switch jobs; those 40 years are over. But recently, I did a freelance job with a local food coop. I was treated like a rock star, given assistants, support and smiles. They got great work out of me, and I have never known such bliss. But previous the damage is done. This is it for me. I hope I get better.
15
@ElaineCorn: "Would you have put a comma after the word mistakes? Please don't if it's the last in a series."
Yes, but more to the point is, how would I tell that to a boss?
Yes, but more to the point is, how would I tell that to a boss?
Where to begin? Most of you will say that I should have left years ago. But life gets in the way, that and a horrendous recession. My company exists to pad the pockets of its management. There is no respect for employees. Promotions are based on who you know. We do not have any job enrichment. If you don't know it, too bad. Benefits are not great , no pension, no match, no raises. Managemnt is condescending to staff. Always looking for someone to blame. No direction on projects or how to accomplish a project. When do they want it? Yesterday. I feel as though I have PSTD syndrom. Follows employees to bathrooms, micro management. For the most part, this is the first or second job for many of them. Inexperienced and a boys club. Unless they allow you in: rarely. So sad because there are some good people there. We all work in a capti environment and are told to keep our opinions to ourselves. It is tough.
41
Start working on your resume. Then start applying for other jobs. Just doing those 2 things will make you feel better.
Americans are hard workers but poor managers who generally fall into 2 groups: 1. The micro manager 2. The detached manager. Both are disturbingly painful to work for and probably the norm in 95% of work settings in this country. Because we have a punitive health care system, most employees hang on to dismal jobs for insurance and benefits. I thought we were making strides with ACA- but now that looks like it will be going away. So in the meantime, we'll gather at the water cooler and talk smack about the boss cause it ain't gonna get any better anytime soon. Have a great weekend everybody!
164
I would take an incompetent 'detached manager' over an incompetent 'micro manager' any day, as at least the manager who could care less leaves the workers in peace to do their jobs.
My micromanaging boss insists that all four of us attend 10-12 meetings a week with her, as if we are her Greek Choir, so every day is chopped up into tiny pieces. We have 45 minutes here and there to work on complex, time-consuming projects. Since it is impossible to accomplish much besides answering a few emails in that time period, we have been told that we are not 'managing our time well'.
When I gently suggested that the staff attended a lot of meetings, the response from the boss was 'I have a lot of meetings too!', without a clue that this is what bosses do, go to meetings and come back and tell the workers what we will be doing.
Completely demoralizing, as the workers are expected to make up those lost hours on their own time, but since we leave as soon as she is out the door (at 5.30), not much gets done and we fall further and further behind.
My micromanaging boss insists that all four of us attend 10-12 meetings a week with her, as if we are her Greek Choir, so every day is chopped up into tiny pieces. We have 45 minutes here and there to work on complex, time-consuming projects. Since it is impossible to accomplish much besides answering a few emails in that time period, we have been told that we are not 'managing our time well'.
When I gently suggested that the staff attended a lot of meetings, the response from the boss was 'I have a lot of meetings too!', without a clue that this is what bosses do, go to meetings and come back and tell the workers what we will be doing.
Completely demoralizing, as the workers are expected to make up those lost hours on their own time, but since we leave as soon as she is out the door (at 5.30), not much gets done and we fall further and further behind.
I have worked for the past 8 years at one large institution, in 4 different departments. The incivility and toxicity -- my workplace scored high on the quiz -- appears to be institution-wide, coming from the top and trickling down. What's sad is that it could be a great place to work. The people are smart and talented, and there is so much potential. What's missing is any attempt by managers to connect with their direct reports as human beings or even as the talented professionals we are.
For example, in my current job I can go at least a week without my two supervisors speaking to me outside of meetings, and they sit just a few feet from me. They never thank me or say please, and they never say "good morning," "good bye," or "have a nice weekend." Everything is done via email, in a short and terse manner. In meetings, they hog the mic, rarely letting anyone else speak, and they're constantly texting or checking email when someone else is speaking. I've never seen anything like it. They have never asked me about what I'd like to do for professional development, and they have no idea what my actual skills are.
I've tried reaching out to them, but to no avail. It almost seems to make things worse. My role has been diminished steadily over the past year, to the point where I barely recognize it.
Fortunately for me, I'm going to give my notice soon and work for myself part time and for a startup the other half of the time. I cannot wait.
For example, in my current job I can go at least a week without my two supervisors speaking to me outside of meetings, and they sit just a few feet from me. They never thank me or say please, and they never say "good morning," "good bye," or "have a nice weekend." Everything is done via email, in a short and terse manner. In meetings, they hog the mic, rarely letting anyone else speak, and they're constantly texting or checking email when someone else is speaking. I've never seen anything like it. They have never asked me about what I'd like to do for professional development, and they have no idea what my actual skills are.
I've tried reaching out to them, but to no avail. It almost seems to make things worse. My role has been diminished steadily over the past year, to the point where I barely recognize it.
Fortunately for me, I'm going to give my notice soon and work for myself part time and for a startup the other half of the time. I cannot wait.
360
My goodness, this sounds like a mirror of where I work. I am appalled to see the extent of it in these comments and the comments that were posted on Facebook for this article. Legislation may need to be put in place to quell the rise in this horrible trend. We have ethics policies and an ombudsman where I work, but its all for show. I had a coworker who was treated horribly, bullied because she was taking time off to go with her husband for treatment and surgery for Parkinson's disease. She suffered 2 heart attacks during it all. She took all the ethics routes available to her. The ombudsman fought for her. The ombudsman was told to quit pursuing the issue, threatened. The ombudsman resigned and took another position within the agency and my coworker eventually found another job (thankfully) and a much better and supportive boss. Her husband passed away two weeks ago. The manager who bullied her (and others), was promoted to Interim Director afterwards. This is a government entity and my coworker was what is called SES (Select Exempt Service), 'at will' which mean you can be fired with no recourse. The bosses love to go after employees who are SES because they know they hold the upper hand. It's pervasive throughout and starts at the very top of the agency.
2
Good luck to you, Lucy!
1
I collect Social Security Disability and I vow never to return to the office again. From 1982 to 2002, I held a variety of jobs in which most of my bosses and coworkers were very uncivil towards me. From 1982 to 1985, I worked at a store on Fifth Avenue where the manager of the Corporate Accounts division sent me out on personal errands having nothing to do with my real responsibilities and was verbally abusive if I made a mistake. From 1986 to 1990, I held a job at a brokerage firm in which I got along well during my first three years but during my last year I had a supervisor who hated me from the start and she engaged in backstabbing games with me including blowing up at me when she made a mistake and blamed me for it. When I told her boss I was quitting because of her, he made it look like it was my fault. In early 1990 I took a job in the mailroom of a travel agency in lower Manhattan and quit after seven weeks after being bullied and threatened with violence with a racist coworker. In 1994, I got a job at another brokerage firm in Phoenix which lasted three years. The first two years was fine but the last year my boss got a new boss who micromanaged all of us and I suffered bullying from my supervisor and her boss until I was fired. Then in 1999 I got a job with one of the state universities in Arizona and answered to a woman who bullied and micromanaged me from day one. When I said in 2002 I was going on disability, she fired me anyway. Never working again.
3
'Mean' is not the same as demanding. I'm happy to work for someone who demands much from me, as long as he or she is straight-up with me as to the expectations, and fairly shares both the wealth or the blame as the case may be.
That being said, here's a great reason for having the presence of a union. When an employee's only alternatives are to confront, go over the top, or to quit, the quality performers will leave asap. Until they leave, the bully manager exploits and intimidates the individual, who has no recourse without a reliable third party to intervene.
As a last thought, a thinking management really doesn't tolerate a mean bully for long. Productivity can't be sustained when good employees are spending more time on resumes than tending to the business at hand. On this, a proper union serves as an honest broker to management as well, pointing out those supervisors who can't manage, or need more training to be effective.
That being said, here's a great reason for having the presence of a union. When an employee's only alternatives are to confront, go over the top, or to quit, the quality performers will leave asap. Until they leave, the bully manager exploits and intimidates the individual, who has no recourse without a reliable third party to intervene.
As a last thought, a thinking management really doesn't tolerate a mean bully for long. Productivity can't be sustained when good employees are spending more time on resumes than tending to the business at hand. On this, a proper union serves as an honest broker to management as well, pointing out those supervisors who can't manage, or need more training to be effective.
38
Being a business professional for decades, I've run into a number of bosses (either mine or of others) who believed the best way to manage was through intense intimidation, humiliation, and outright cruelty. I've seen this approach applied by certain people to their subordinates with a broad brush…to excellent employees who were seasoned professionals, fully engaged, attempting to fulfill the agenda, as well as to those that were performing below expectations. No one was spared.
Of course, people would eventually become fed up and either move on, get fired, or simply drop out from an engagement point of view. A few of these bosses often accomplished objectives through sheer force of will, but leaving a tremendous human wake behind them. In some cases, these people were clear sociopaths and always had ready excuses for their superiors as to the high turnover rates that were occurring. I've seen HR and upper level management "look the other way" given some of the short-term successes these people achieved.
And I always wondered…why? It was always so counter-intuitve to getting the best from employees. For some reason, business environments seemed to attract/breed these types of individuals, seemingly lost in ego, self-importance, and, in a sense, total failures in how to manage people.
The human toll cannot be overemphasized. I've seen lives and promising careers destroyed by a bad boss.
Of course, people would eventually become fed up and either move on, get fired, or simply drop out from an engagement point of view. A few of these bosses often accomplished objectives through sheer force of will, but leaving a tremendous human wake behind them. In some cases, these people were clear sociopaths and always had ready excuses for their superiors as to the high turnover rates that were occurring. I've seen HR and upper level management "look the other way" given some of the short-term successes these people achieved.
And I always wondered…why? It was always so counter-intuitve to getting the best from employees. For some reason, business environments seemed to attract/breed these types of individuals, seemingly lost in ego, self-importance, and, in a sense, total failures in how to manage people.
The human toll cannot be overemphasized. I've seen lives and promising careers destroyed by a bad boss.
328
Imagine the life of children raised in that type of household. There is much to be done here in America regarding the valuing of a human being, on every level.
1
Bikerman, your posting, here, should be on every TV, Radio, and printed on the front pages of every newspaper in our country!
Of course, the bosses you are describing, would not recognize, themselves!
But, you really, "told it like it is"!
Thank you, from someone that has been there!
Of course, the bosses you are describing, would not recognize, themselves!
But, you really, "told it like it is"!
Thank you, from someone that has been there!
1
'...these people were clear sociopaths and always had ready excuses for their superiors as to the high turnover rates that were occurring...'
The problems always come from the top. Our horrible boss has wasted millions of dollars in poor choices in our IT department and we had security compromises directly caused by his decisions, and yet he has been promoted many times.
Why do you think there are all those data compromises in private and public networks? It is not the staff, it is the managers.
Always.
The problems always come from the top. Our horrible boss has wasted millions of dollars in poor choices in our IT department and we had security compromises directly caused by his decisions, and yet he has been promoted many times.
Why do you think there are all those data compromises in private and public networks? It is not the staff, it is the managers.
Always.
2
For twenty years I had to endure a terrible, terrible, terrible boss who made my life utterly miserable. That's because I founded and was then CEO of my own UK based company - Customer Analysis & Retention Systems (CARS) and was never able to get an employment tribunal to take my complaints seriously.
I'm now back in the US and am working as an independent marketing consultant. My boss is still an overbearing jerk.
Tom Benghauser
Denver Home for The Bewildered
I'm now back in the US and am working as an independent marketing consultant. My boss is still an overbearing jerk.
Tom Benghauser
Denver Home for The Bewildered
2
I'll take rude but honest any day of the week over the passive aggressive "Minnesota Nice" I have to tolerate day in and day out.
27
You know, those aren't the only two choices.
3
Dear, Dear, ROK!!
After years and years of defining "Minnesota Nice" as passive aggressive I have met a fellow who shares my perception and "tolerates" it day in and day out. The day after I graduated from the U of M, I put my belongings in a VW and took flight. A different topic from that at hand, but a lifelong important one to me. Thank you most civil and authentic Minnesotan from this less resilient (but honest ) past resident.
After years and years of defining "Minnesota Nice" as passive aggressive I have met a fellow who shares my perception and "tolerates" it day in and day out. The day after I graduated from the U of M, I put my belongings in a VW and took flight. A different topic from that at hand, but a lifelong important one to me. Thank you most civil and authentic Minnesotan from this less resilient (but honest ) past resident.
Could we possibly get some sort of clue about your sample sizes in the numerous surveys you cite. Big percentages are super nice, but utterly meaningless with small samples.
3
Americans operate at two extremes: We are expected to be upbeat, happy and "Awesome!" all the time. We impose this on ourselves, our colleagues and our children. At the same time, our inner reality is more human; at times we're happy but mostly we're confused, fearful, sad and miserable.
It's exhausting to fake being upbeat, happy and "Awesome!" all the time so we rebound into cynicism, envy and pettiness and that's why people aren't nice at work.
We should banish the word "Awesome!" form our vocabulary, start to recognize and respect the full range of emotions people bring to their lives and work and then, and only then, will people be able to operate in the middle, and meanness at work will dissipate because no one will feel the pressure to fake happiness anymore.
It's exhausting to fake being upbeat, happy and "Awesome!" all the time so we rebound into cynicism, envy and pettiness and that's why people aren't nice at work.
We should banish the word "Awesome!" form our vocabulary, start to recognize and respect the full range of emotions people bring to their lives and work and then, and only then, will people be able to operate in the middle, and meanness at work will dissipate because no one will feel the pressure to fake happiness anymore.
12
People are concerned by the fact that some teenagers are bullies. But what do they expect? Often they see some teachers in their schools acting like bullies towards students--and other teachers.
7
I've been a school administrator in both urban and suburban districts, and while bully teachers do exist, they are few and far between. Much more common these days, are bully parents who spent too much time harassing teachers into improving their child's grade, and bully students who disrupt the learning of others. Stop blaming educators for children's bad behavior; when it comes down to it, they spend a minority of their time under our influence.
11
Why is it that something as simple as exercising manners, is so difficult nowadays?
58
Quite honestly, it's because people don't even know manners. There's nothing to emulate on TV except snide and sarcastic sitcom "jokes". Even the advertisements feature sullen teenagers ignoring their parents or spoiled children demanding something. Watch Ed Christie, Donald Trump and so many other public figures to learn proper comportment? Barak Obama and a few others are the only "civilized" leaders we have. Really. Unless you read 19th Century novels you get no education in proper behavior.
1
And it is not just in companies. It's worse in the public schools where teachers are blamed for everything that goes wrong. Teachers are treated disrespectfully by students, other teachers, administrators, and parents every single day. Only the teachers that don't care can survive.
197
Oh, boohoo. My fourth grade math teacher gave popular students easy questions with a piece of candy as a reward for getting them right. Unpopular kids got hard questions with a dog bone if they missed. Guess what, we all hated her and she had tenure.
I just retired from teaching. I loved most of my time, but not the last few years. I was worn down, just as the article stated can happen.
I worked at a school where the revolving door of administrators didn't enforce rules and discipline with the students. They seemed to think the students suffered enough. About 10 years ago, we pretty much stopped having staff meetings. Sure, the staff got together, but it was a time where we heard presentations. Questions from the staff were frowned upon.
Obviously, the students knew they could get away with most behaviors, and many were very rude to their teachers and staff. If we were to write a discipline referral, we first had to talk to the parents. That's fine, but many times the parents either said, "ok," they told me about their child's difficulties and couldn't I be more understanding, or they argued with me as if I was wrong to say their child's behavior was out of line.
I worked at a school with many poor children and many refugees, and yes, they suffered mightily. However, teaching them that it is fine to use their cell phones during class, talk back to the teacher, and sleep in class does not help these students in the least.
I'm not talking about disciplining students with suspensions or the like, I am talking about teaching manners and civility. But hey, maybe they did talk about this in our staff meetings, but I was on my phone, checking Facebook.
I worked at a school where the revolving door of administrators didn't enforce rules and discipline with the students. They seemed to think the students suffered enough. About 10 years ago, we pretty much stopped having staff meetings. Sure, the staff got together, but it was a time where we heard presentations. Questions from the staff were frowned upon.
Obviously, the students knew they could get away with most behaviors, and many were very rude to their teachers and staff. If we were to write a discipline referral, we first had to talk to the parents. That's fine, but many times the parents either said, "ok," they told me about their child's difficulties and couldn't I be more understanding, or they argued with me as if I was wrong to say their child's behavior was out of line.
I worked at a school with many poor children and many refugees, and yes, they suffered mightily. However, teaching them that it is fine to use their cell phones during class, talk back to the teacher, and sleep in class does not help these students in the least.
I'm not talking about disciplining students with suspensions or the like, I am talking about teaching manners and civility. But hey, maybe they did talk about this in our staff meetings, but I was on my phone, checking Facebook.
4
That is bad and very true of some schools. I worked for nine different principals in six different schools. All were easy to work for and allowed us to do our jobs. The teachers were cooperative in each school and we loved our jobs and our students. The parents were also very supportive for the most part. The schools also had excellent results. All because the administrators respected and trusted their staff to do a good job. Pretty amazing!
4
Unfortunately, those currently working for the mean boss will be reluctant to comment publicly, for fear of retribution.
30
This is MRS. That mean boss does not have time to read the NYT because that mean boss is busy trying to see what more disruption he/she can make in the workplace.
I'd like to see the quiz more about the bosses and less about the environment as a whole. In my case, the boss is horrible, and the colleagues band together in their common misery. That we can share our misery helps, but only some. This is a new position for me- I love the coworkers but fear I may not make it. It's not going to be long before I say something out loud that I am thinking and that'll be the end of me.
During my MBA studies I took a weekend intensive class on business incivility. It was one of the most interesting classes I ever experienced. Gave me a lot of think about, and I think I behave more civilly on a regular basis because of awareness.
During my MBA studies I took a weekend intensive class on business incivility. It was one of the most interesting classes I ever experienced. Gave me a lot of think about, and I think I behave more civilly on a regular basis because of awareness.
30
I think an additional point to how a boss's behavior may influence your well-being has to do when the boss favors certain employees (and we are not of one those employees). Being treated in a fair manner is such a reasonable expectation, that being continually treated in an unfair one may well be too discouraging.
There are situations in which a certain level of “special treatment” seems reasonable, such when bosses treat employees who are most competent with some special consideration. However, there are many instants in which that special treatment has nothing to do with work.
Bosses are people and many bosses in different companies or institutions tend to favor employees who boost their egos or those with whom they get along best rather than those who can offer a great contribution to the company or institution. And worse, in some cases, there is little one can do because those kinds of bosses are not always willing to change anything in their behavior.
There are situations in which a certain level of “special treatment” seems reasonable, such when bosses treat employees who are most competent with some special consideration. However, there are many instants in which that special treatment has nothing to do with work.
Bosses are people and many bosses in different companies or institutions tend to favor employees who boost their egos or those with whom they get along best rather than those who can offer a great contribution to the company or institution. And worse, in some cases, there is little one can do because those kinds of bosses are not always willing to change anything in their behavior.
27
@Felipe
I've come to see how favoritism at work doesn't involve job performance but rather, as you note, those who brown-nose the boss and stroke his/her ego. Doing a good job somehow has come to be viewed as irrelevant.
I've come to see how favoritism at work doesn't involve job performance but rather, as you note, those who brown-nose the boss and stroke his/her ego. Doing a good job somehow has come to be viewed as irrelevant.
4
I was wondering how this relates in other cultural contexts. In other words, does this behavior translate to other countries?
2
This applies not only to bosses, but also to teachers. While my daughter loves to dance, it concerns me that she is subjected to incivility by some of her teachers. She doesn't want me to speak up for her for fear of repercussions - which would be suffered by her, not me. It makes for difficult choices. How will this affect her when she becomes an adult in the workplace?
7
@jeito: "... she is subjected to incivility by some of her teachers."
How does that "incivility" manifest itself? Do teachers criticize but not complement? Do they ignore her? Do they compare her unfavorably to other students?
How does that "incivility" manifest itself? Do teachers criticize but not complement? Do they ignore her? Do they compare her unfavorably to other students?
Don't get me started.
8
There are no financial-payoff metrics for incivility or morale.
In a country where the immediate bottom line is all that matters, do you really think incivility is even number 16 on the corporate worry list?
In a country where the immediate bottom line is all that matters, do you really think incivility is even number 16 on the corporate worry list?
19
Technology executives, in particular, should take note of this article. In the thirty years since I began working in technology, the incivility in the office has increased exponentially, sometimes bordering on bullying. All too often, subordinates take their cue from management and bully those of lesser rank or even their peers. The result is poisonous.
Thanks for writing this, Christine Porath, and thanks, NYT, for publishing it so prominently.
Thanks for writing this, Christine Porath, and thanks, NYT, for publishing it so prominently.
58
I work in IT and almost none of the managers have any real IT experience, as 'working your way up from the mail room' has gone the way of all things. The belief that 'managers can manage anything' is woefully misguided, as the errors in judgment made by clueless IT managers is the direct cause of all these data breaches.
2
I'm lucky beyond words. I work for a small company and we're no without our problems and issues - some personnel driven, most not. But we do respect each other, and that respect is driven from the top down. In the rare cases where we've had uncivil managers, they've either been pushed into individual contributor roles, sent for training, or moved out of the company.
Having worked for someone who personified the worst of the traits listed as a "rude boss", I can tell you - regardless of the issues I deal with on a day to day basis - there's no place I'd rather work for.
Having worked for someone who personified the worst of the traits listed as a "rude boss", I can tell you - regardless of the issues I deal with on a day to day basis - there's no place I'd rather work for.
4
I see this situation reflected in customer service. I like to think I'm a good customer, even old-fashioned in the courtesy and respect I show to those who wait on me in stores and restaurants. And yet, increasingly that courtesy is not returned. I often wonder at the lack of good customer service and overt rudeness (for example, saying "thank you" after a transaction, only to have the clerk say nothing and turn away from me). I wonder now if this is just a reflection of the way the clerk is treated by the company managers and of the general atmosphere of the store, restaurant, etc.
69
When that happens I feel sorry for them. Who cares anyway? It's their problem that they, as my grandfather would say, "have no fetchin' up".
You wrote, "I wonder now if this is just a reflection of the way the clerk is treated by the company managers and of the general atmosphere of the store, restaurant, etc."
Almost certainly. They are un/consciously doing it to repay how they are treated.
Almost certainly. They are un/consciously doing it to repay how they are treated.
1
A Jungian perspective?
great article... worked several years for difficult boss.... impact on health, life so incredibly negative, never do it again. costs are huge, also fast-paced work place creates this unhealthy environment.
15
Swearing makes you a bad boss? I think you mean being sworn at or called names. That is different then just swearing. Every workplace I've ever been people swear.
5
There are regional variations. I lived and worked in the South for many years and never heard swearing in the workplace. There was no particular rule against it except the self-imposed rule of civility. I moved to the North and had, if you will excuse the pun, a rude awakening. It took a long time to adjust to the foul language that was routinely used, and I am not talking about people being cursed at, but just language used in a very routine manner in workplace conversation. I've adjusted now, which I think is kind of sad.
2
I always had problems with my supervisors, they were mostly rude and belligerent, unfortunately it's only too common in American workplace. Basically the bully behavior from school to the office. Sad reality in every place I worked, and these were non for profit organization were by definition the environment was suppose to be helpful and supportive to others...
15
It's not a USA problem alone. It happens abroad, too, in countries we would consider as developed as the US. It shouldn't be too surprising, either...as our societies becomes increasing uncivil and discourteous - in no small measure influenced and abetted by the generally aggressive or violent programs and games we watch and play incessantly - how could our workplaces not reflect it? If we can reject the powerful cultural machinations (media and marketing) that constantly urge us to be better than others through consumerism, and rather pursue more altruistic activities in our personal lives, it may give us the strength to bring some of that benevolent spirit into the workplace.
3
@Nancy: "It happens abroad, too, in countries we would consider as developed as the US."
What "countries"? Have you seen this yourself? Or is this something you have heard about or read about?
What "countries"? Have you seen this yourself? Or is this something you have heard about or read about?
2
While I don't disagree with the article, I am unsure that much of the behavior the author cites is objectively rude, rather than a pet peeve. Walking away from a boring conversation (read: gossip) isn't rude, but a productive use of time, particularly if you're working 12-hour days. Although there's a certain brigade that insists talking on cell phones in front of other people is rude, the vast majority of us disagree; so "answering calls in the middle of meetings" is hardly something I would call rude. Inefficient, perhaps, but not rude. And while typos happen, if they're happening often, it's not too much to ask that people proofread their work. As the saying goes, I judge you when you use poor grammar.
Genuine bullying and belittling employees is wrong, of course, but I think the author has ballooned the concept so much as to be meaningless.
Genuine bullying and belittling employees is wrong, of course, but I think the author has ballooned the concept so much as to be meaningless.
1
When a boss at any level allows calls to stop a meeting in progress - it means that the people at the meting - and the focus - isn't all that important. It wastes time of multiple people. It means added time is needed to refocus. It isn't only uncivil, it robs the business of valuable work time. And it provides a role model for each level of how to show subordinates that you can control their time. If there's a real crisis - obviously that's different. But every call/text. etc isn't critical to take at the moment.
17
Everything you describe is rude, and it is sad that you do not know it. Believe it or not, you are not the center of the universe, and you do not get to decide what is rude or not. Society places reasonable expectations upon all of us as civilized (and civil) people. Alas, the rude who insist that they are not really being rude are nothing new. The abrasive and bullying Professor Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady" says it "is not a question of good manners or bad manners, or any particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls. The question is not whether I treat you rudely, but whether you've ever heard me treat anyone else better." Not very nice.
11
The highly toxic nature of my teaching job drove me out of it into early retirement. While I know I saved my sanity and my life by leaving, I regret hugely the fact that I can no longer contribute to the lives of the students who relied on and trusted me.
98
@Katherine: "The highly toxic nature of my teaching job ..."
Could you be more specific? Who (principals, teachers, parents)? What did they say or do?
Could you be more specific? Who (principals, teachers, parents)? What did they say or do?
Katherine: Thank you for this comment. This paragraph could have been written by me. I see my friends and former colleagues hang on because they must financially. But sometimes I bemoan my own "weakness" (why couldn't I just have been stronger and dealt with the toxicity?). Then my friends remind me that I was getting ill at the end of every school year and that it appeared I was about to have a nervous breakdown. And in academia, at least, the incivility is exacerbated by poisonous sexism.
3
I also retired early from the public schools, Katherine. I wish I'd been able to do so before so much damage to my personal life.
The other comment, about these workplace behaviors being bullying, not merely in civility, hit the nail on the head.
The other comment, about these workplace behaviors being bullying, not merely in civility, hit the nail on the head.
In my first real job out of school, I got on the bad side of a truly toxic and scary boss. This person ran people out of our department one at a time. I didn't notice for a long time because I wasn't in this person's "sights" (and I was junior and naive enough to think there was something wrong with the others). After about a year and a half, I was in "sights" and it was a nightmare (I was publicly and cruelly criticized, left out of meetings...evenat one point before a huge presentation, materials went missing from my office and mysteriously reappeared the next day...thankfully, I had a second set of the materials on me for that one). I had to think fast and move quickly to get out before irreparable damage could be done to my career. All I can say is I just didn't know any better. Unfortunately, the personal damage done to me by this experience has adversely affected my psyche and my life - even though the experience took place almost 21 years ago. In many ways, I am grateful for the experience. It has made me more cautious and discerning in the workplace. But oh what I wouldn't give to be the fearless person I used to be. About 2 years after I left, someone higher up apparently got smart and figured out there was near 100% turnover in that department and got rid of that boss. But the damage done was huge (this occurred in a state agency, by the way...I think that the bureaucratic and inefficient nature of the agency is what allowed the toxicity to flourish).
131
I've been in a very similar situation, and understand what you've experienced and the long-term repercussions. Please know how resilient you've been and give yourself credit for handling the circumstances well. I know that it is hard to rebuild confidence and optimism after experiencing a toxic workplace, but do your best to try. You are a champion for having navigated your situation resourcefully.
2
Usually the higher ups are clueless or are also sociopaths. Why else would they not notice the high turnover?
My toxic and incompetent former boss was promoted many times, which shows that the top boss is either a fool or a fellow sociopath. As the economy recovered, we lost our best and brightest, yet not a thought was given as to why that happened.
My toxic and incompetent former boss was promoted many times, which shows that the top boss is either a fool or a fellow sociopath. As the economy recovered, we lost our best and brightest, yet not a thought was given as to why that happened.
I don't mean to be uncivil, but it is hard to believe that a scientific study was required to discover that arrogant bosses make workers miserable. Or that this results in poor health outcomes. Or that poor health results in reduced productivity. This, I believe, is the process that leads to people "going postal." But even when that happens, it's dismissed as an aberration and no cause for making any changes.
19
Maybe people need to admit to the insanity of the way we are trying to live and just stop. Your status in the work place is not going to make any difference in your happiness and if it is only contributing to your unhappiness or causing you medical issues then perhaps it is time to listen to your body and stop the insanity. I walked away from a job where bullying by managers was standard behavior and have no regrets. I believe you create the life you want.
229
@ Sarah
Walking away from a bad job is fine and well, provided one has either the assets to survive without a job or is reasonably assured of finding another soon. For many who are 50 plus, that's not a real option. We are often stuck in work situations that are toxic, but we well know that our chances of finding a new position with even somewhat equitable pay and benefits, is nil. We don't have the money to not work, are too young to retire and face serious age-discrimination when looking for jobs. I know of a number of people in this situation who are just hanging on, hoping to make it til they can reach an age they can get SS at. What does this do to ones physical and mental health? Believing one creates the life they want sounds good, but reality often says otherwise.
Walking away from a bad job is fine and well, provided one has either the assets to survive without a job or is reasonably assured of finding another soon. For many who are 50 plus, that's not a real option. We are often stuck in work situations that are toxic, but we well know that our chances of finding a new position with even somewhat equitable pay and benefits, is nil. We don't have the money to not work, are too young to retire and face serious age-discrimination when looking for jobs. I know of a number of people in this situation who are just hanging on, hoping to make it til they can reach an age they can get SS at. What does this do to ones physical and mental health? Believing one creates the life they want sounds good, but reality often says otherwise.
28
Agreed. Sometimes it is not possible to leave a difficult situation-- although it is frequently useful to try.
2
Really. you can create the life you want? With mortgages and tuition to pay, elderly parents who may need assistancee, lack of employment opportunities in this economy, we are forced to endure these toxic environments.
3
I've worked for many different people. The best bosses are the ones who let you do your job and step in only when necessary. They are the ones who are not afraid to share the credit. They pitch in when another hand or head is needed. They protect their people from unwarranted attacks by others. They listen to what their people have to say. They offer constructive criticism and try to help us do a better job. In turn, we try to help them out by doing the very best we can do. We make them shine and they know it. I've worked for two people who were like that.
I've had supervisors who think nothing of taking time off for themselves and their families while giving their staff a hard time for the same needs. One recent supervisor, whom everyone knew was incompetent, would ignore whatever we told him until it was an emergency. We picked up the pieces, he took the credit. This same man wouldn't answer or read emails with a read receipt requested because it was too much trouble. He didn't listen to our suggestions. I stopped caring. I stopped participating. I was fired partially because he never bothered to acknowledge that I was part of his team.
Right now I'm working for a small start up and while we don't have a lot to give in terms of rewards at least I'm getting some credit and my mind is no longer rotting. My previous supervisor could not understand or didn't care that I wanted to learn new things, to be involved. These people do and it's nice.
I've had supervisors who think nothing of taking time off for themselves and their families while giving their staff a hard time for the same needs. One recent supervisor, whom everyone knew was incompetent, would ignore whatever we told him until it was an emergency. We picked up the pieces, he took the credit. This same man wouldn't answer or read emails with a read receipt requested because it was too much trouble. He didn't listen to our suggestions. I stopped caring. I stopped participating. I was fired partially because he never bothered to acknowledge that I was part of his team.
Right now I'm working for a small start up and while we don't have a lot to give in terms of rewards at least I'm getting some credit and my mind is no longer rotting. My previous supervisor could not understand or didn't care that I wanted to learn new things, to be involved. These people do and it's nice.
296
No matter how incompetent the boss is, if your performance slips and you stop caring you have only yourself to blame. It isn't fair, but you deserved to be fired.
2
Brings back memories of one job where at meetings my boss would publicly ridicule me and my ideas. He would even sabotage my projects. This is probably because the owner of the company would directly give me the really important projects because he wanted them to get done on time.
Another boss would hold my completed work for weeks in order to get back at his rival, the marketing boss. I found this out when I was being accused of submitting my work late, and only the computer dates on my files saved me; it was boss' word against mine.
It became a personal game....to see how much I could take but still bob to the surface, on time and under budget.
Another boss would hold my completed work for weeks in order to get back at his rival, the marketing boss. I found this out when I was being accused of submitting my work late, and only the computer dates on my files saved me; it was boss' word against mine.
It became a personal game....to see how much I could take but still bob to the surface, on time and under budget.
13
"A quarter believe that they will be less leader-like, and nearly 40 percent are afraid that they’ll be taken advantage of if they are nice at work. Nearly half think that it is better to flex one’s muscles to garner power."
"They" are confused about the difference between a leader and a tyrant. A leader is somebody who knows how to get the best out of people. Most managers these days only want to enforce obedience and conformity. They pay lip service to inventiveness and problem-solving, but in fact they feel threatened by those qualities, the outcomes of which aren't easy to predict and control.
My most treasured anecdote on this comes from my husband's workplace. At a team-building exercise that brought together various departments, including a team from upper management, my husband's team completed the absurd problem-solving task far ahead of everyone else, because their department works as an effective team on a daily basis. The management team, however, denied them the win because they didn't follow the required "process" (true: they found a more efficient way), and instead gave the win to themselves for adhering to the "process", even though they never finished the task in the time allotted.
This is why the U.S. is falling behind.
Still, this workplace and others operate under a stifling veneer of civility that's often just more obscurantist process. You can demoralize and dehumanize employees while remaining so rigidly polite that no real communication occurs.
"They" are confused about the difference between a leader and a tyrant. A leader is somebody who knows how to get the best out of people. Most managers these days only want to enforce obedience and conformity. They pay lip service to inventiveness and problem-solving, but in fact they feel threatened by those qualities, the outcomes of which aren't easy to predict and control.
My most treasured anecdote on this comes from my husband's workplace. At a team-building exercise that brought together various departments, including a team from upper management, my husband's team completed the absurd problem-solving task far ahead of everyone else, because their department works as an effective team on a daily basis. The management team, however, denied them the win because they didn't follow the required "process" (true: they found a more efficient way), and instead gave the win to themselves for adhering to the "process", even though they never finished the task in the time allotted.
This is why the U.S. is falling behind.
Still, this workplace and others operate under a stifling veneer of civility that's often just more obscurantist process. You can demoralize and dehumanize employees while remaining so rigidly polite that no real communication occurs.
415
In one company I worked with the management failed to keep a project on target for costs and time. They awarded themselves a set of lovely plaques about 1 month after the bug plagued rollout. We were rolling our eyes.
Companies waste and burn out more people when they don't hire or train people to be good managers, don't give people what they need to do their jobs, have people doing more than one person's job because they're too cheap to hire, and cause more ill health when they allow bosses or employees to bully others.
Companies waste and burn out more people when they don't hire or train people to be good managers, don't give people what they need to do their jobs, have people doing more than one person's job because they're too cheap to hire, and cause more ill health when they allow bosses or employees to bully others.
163
This is not why the US is falling behind. The US is not falling behind even though we could do better. CWolfe, you are doing the same thing that is being criticized. We need to stop berating the US constantly. There is a reason why many are desperate to immigrate here. When I traveled through Europe last year, many told me they and their friends wanted to work for an American company because employees were treated better. It is exactly this constant attacks against the US by its citizens the catalyst for what it seems a falling behind.
1
My company refuses to hire more staff, despite our workload increasing four fold over the past decade, so they hire contract workers.
Contract workers say 'Yes' to anything the boss asks, partly because they are paid by the hour, but mostly because they will not be in here in a few years when the bad decisions come to the light of day.
The staff is sunk into apathy and despair and yet the typical solution to our low morale is not to give us decent raises, but instead to spend that money on after work parties, as if what us worker bees really want is to spend our free time with people who we roundly despised.
Astounding cluelessness.
Contract workers say 'Yes' to anything the boss asks, partly because they are paid by the hour, but mostly because they will not be in here in a few years when the bad decisions come to the light of day.
The staff is sunk into apathy and despair and yet the typical solution to our low morale is not to give us decent raises, but instead to spend that money on after work parties, as if what us worker bees really want is to spend our free time with people who we roundly despised.
Astounding cluelessness.
69
People who love what they do and feel satisfied by their role in the world are happy, energetic, and welcoming. They like to see other people achieve and grow in their little corner of the universe and enjoy helping them.
People who resent how unsatisfied all the money they grub and the things they consume leave them take out their anger on people have less power in relationships with them than they do.
The issue for a tin-pot tyrant is not "incivility." It is using one's power to make other people feel bad as cold compensation for being a miserable ingrate. The vast majority of people I have worked for were arrogant sad sacks. The few who were following their bliss, not chasing money, were a pleasure to be around.
People who resent how unsatisfied all the money they grub and the things they consume leave them take out their anger on people have less power in relationships with them than they do.
The issue for a tin-pot tyrant is not "incivility." It is using one's power to make other people feel bad as cold compensation for being a miserable ingrate. The vast majority of people I have worked for were arrogant sad sacks. The few who were following their bliss, not chasing money, were a pleasure to be around.
219
You just described my boss to a 'T.' Wow.
2
I was going to write a comment, but you kinda said it all.
3
Same goes for strivers who take the power seat at a conference table when it's not their meeting, etc., etc. The list of body language not discussed here could go on and on.