The largest gap between generations is probably found in regard to traditional culture. The demographic woes of classical music is well known, but is also found elsewhere. The free art history lectures at the Met are attended almost exclusively by the 70 plus crowd. Local historical societies seem to survive with this membership for the time being. I have a doomsday in mind of about 2030 when all this will likely disappear for lack of interest.
5
The elderly are our species' cultural memory, they retain memories of rare but crucial events and of the results of doing things which takes years to develop and to pass along this knowledge to people who are too young to acquire for themselves. Historically, losing nearly all of one and two generations because of some kind of catastrophic event often results in collapses of advanced cultures and centuries of dark ages. The old tell people of natural events that are strange but happen just before catastrophic events, like those preceding tsunamis or what happens to people who develop certain habitual behaviors which eventually increases their risks of certain maladies. Without them people have to relearn the same things generation after generation.
3
An excellent and much needed piece, thank you.
I am so saddened to see that the young people in my family don't have any interest in knowing more about their elders' life - what adventures we had, how we lived when we were young. They mostly want us to support them financially and otherwise leave them in peace with their young friends.
But then I remember - I was just the same when I was young, although there were no cellphones then. Did I ever ask my father or my grandmother, "How was your life in Europe before you came to Brazil? How was your family life when you were a kid? How come you can cook so well, did your mother teach you? How exactly did you come to Brazil, and how was the ship voyage?"
As Russian Jews they all must have had rich stories to tell, but we just were not curious about them. And now it's too late to ask.
I am so saddened to see that the young people in my family don't have any interest in knowing more about their elders' life - what adventures we had, how we lived when we were young. They mostly want us to support them financially and otherwise leave them in peace with their young friends.
But then I remember - I was just the same when I was young, although there were no cellphones then. Did I ever ask my father or my grandmother, "How was your life in Europe before you came to Brazil? How was your family life when you were a kid? How come you can cook so well, did your mother teach you? How exactly did you come to Brazil, and how was the ship voyage?"
As Russian Jews they all must have had rich stories to tell, but we just were not curious about them. And now it's too late to ask.
10
When I was first learning the language in my adopted country of Italy, I found that the best teachers were the elderly because they had the time, patience and spontaneity of interaction. They were happy to be asked of their experiences of the 20th century or even to give advice on a supermarket product. To be on the receiving end of those oral histories and amusing conversations has been one of the most beautiful things of my life. Italian families are still multi-generational (which the dropping birth rates will erase someday) but the effect is that young people of any age find it natural to engage with their elders and even us middle-aged folk. I don't take that for granted.
8
Unfortunately there are many families that don't have the closeness he and others speak of. My grandmother actually recorded her history for us to keep, but trying to get my parents to talk a lot before their passing was hard...I know my children shared some nice times when we flew out to see my folks, but missed a lot of the stories, that I now share with them, thru pictures or trips to understand where they come from. I hope not to make the same mistakes.
3
I read this because I'm the older generation and though my children and grandchildren know me, and are respectful, all but one lives far away. I used to go visit, but I'm not up to that now. This bit hits home because I'm the last of what was once a pretty close knit extended family. Only I long for the days when we all got together for food and fun, from a 90 year old great grandmother to a two year old toddler.
17
It started in the workplace, but the bar of irrelevance gets lower every year so today, even thirty five year-olds are ready for the glue factory. Any demographic that is not instantly willing to scarf up the latest techno-fad is invisible in the media. Those in the coveted age-range fail to see they are considered merely mindless, captive wallets and that the bell also "tolls for thee."
I remember my young niece, while watching a Gary Cooper movie with me remarking that people "sounded different" back then. Yes they did - they were actual grownups.
I remember my young niece, while watching a Gary Cooper movie with me remarking that people "sounded different" back then. Yes they did - they were actual grownups.
11
It's hard to talk to the younger generation. They are selfish, stupid, ignorant, rude, and follow 'brands'. Let them Rap until they drop. Keep them away from me.
4
I was faced with the reality of this article when I was brought in to teach an honors seminar in a gender studies program in an Arizona university. In the Seventies I wrote a column on alternative mental health practices for women and taught the first Psychology of Women university course (as far as I know) in America. I brought a faded copy of the original newsprint version of what became Our Bodies, Ourselves. We twenty young and older women settled in around a big conference table.
I began by passing the booklet around the table. Most of the young women (19-22) glanced at the cover and passed it on. More than a few of them held their cell phones in their laps and worked them steadily. I began to speak about how it had been in 1970 when I went to my first consciousness raising group - learning that my sexuality wasn't flawed, that I had steadfastly deferred my intelligence and power to men, that I wasn't alone. I watched the young faces of the women around me, which almost without exception, were patient, polite and bored. So, I stopped, smiled and said, "Hey, but that's an old story. How about yours?" The young women came alive. I guided them in a free-write exercise. They read. And, it was clear that they believed that in some glorious future, they would be able to become whatever they wanted to be. As I left that day, one phrase was stuck in my thoughts: "Those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
I began by passing the booklet around the table. Most of the young women (19-22) glanced at the cover and passed it on. More than a few of them held their cell phones in their laps and worked them steadily. I began to speak about how it had been in 1970 when I went to my first consciousness raising group - learning that my sexuality wasn't flawed, that I had steadfastly deferred my intelligence and power to men, that I wasn't alone. I watched the young faces of the women around me, which almost without exception, were patient, polite and bored. So, I stopped, smiled and said, "Hey, but that's an old story. How about yours?" The young women came alive. I guided them in a free-write exercise. They read. And, it was clear that they believed that in some glorious future, they would be able to become whatever they wanted to be. As I left that day, one phrase was stuck in my thoughts: "Those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
20
I don't think this diminished interaction is specific to different generations. It seems that - due to the proliferation of alternatives, from on-demand movies to smartphones - people are spending more time alone. Less dinner parties among the older folks, less kids on the street and the park. It seems like everybody is sitting at home glued to a device. I can't even begin to speculate on the long-term effects of this horrendous trend.
10
Why should we want to be with those APP-riddled airheads. They don't want us, don't care about us, and don't care to associate with us. Heck! They dun't (Lucy) even want my business. I've met two younger people (Males, of course) who are studying furiously so they won't have to do what their fathers did. Wow!
Anything else, New York Times?
Anything else, New York Times?
1
Had a party just a week ago attended by folks in their 30s, 40s, 50s, most in their 60s and even 1 or 2 in their 70s. The key is that us older folks love music and dancing, and openly discuss the state of the society with those younger, including our concerns for their future. It's a great crowd; no one looks cross-eyed at anyone else of a different age. I feel avuncular to some of my younger friends, gaining a fresh perspective on how they view the world, and they appreciate the viewpoints and unusual experiences of those older than themselves. It IS possible; one only needs to male the effort, and one will feel the revitalizing energy. When I see groups of homogeneous age clustered in coffee shops or restaurants, I immediately realize the dangers of mental arteriosclerosis inherent in that homogeneity and am grateful for my younger friends.
12
It's lovely that some people know older people who have developed some wisdom and are great storytellers, but I don't know anyone like that. No one is wise in my family, and when they tell stories they are boring and repetitive. Truthfully, I don't know anyone who is wise. The human condition hasn't changed in thousands of years because people don't learn with age. They base their lives on delusions and denial they pass this on to their children. The only wisdom I've found, I've found in books. In fiction, the classics. In nonfiction, the newer the better. Read The Body Keeps the Score or Thinking Fast and Slow.
9
I grew up with grandparents and extended relatives of both parents until I entered grade school. This was back in the 1950-60s and the neighborhood was "the village." I have found memories of those times and while we may now live in a more nuclear family oriented environment, maintaining familial relationships are important for personal development. As a baby boomer I consider myself fortunate that I was able to work with and for people younger and older than me. The younger ones taught me to keep abreast of new technology and I gleaned professional wisdom from the older ones. We need to understand wherever we stand time goes on and our status is ever changing - it is up to us to look back but also forward as we continue our journey. Embracing the old and looking to the young rounds us out to be complete. Family values include exposure to the older folks from a young age - it teaches us empathy and reminds us where we are from.
8
"What do we lose as we drift further away from our elders?"
It's a stereotype to think that all elders are warm, fuzzy types who long to share their stories with the younger generation. I learned this after visiting my grandparents at their "retirement village" (i.e., age-restricted community) during my freshman year in college. I have never felt so unwelcome anywhere in my life. And I'm not talking about my grandparents.
It's a stereotype to think that all elders are warm, fuzzy types who long to share their stories with the younger generation. I learned this after visiting my grandparents at their "retirement village" (i.e., age-restricted community) during my freshman year in college. I have never felt so unwelcome anywhere in my life. And I'm not talking about my grandparents.
12
Hanging out with old folks is as close as we can get to time travel. I remember watching the first moon walk with my grandfather, who sat enraptured, like the rest of us. He was born in the 1880's, and could tell stories of riding in a horse drawn carriage in Maine, where he grew up. When he was out with his sweetheart, he could turn the horse loose to find its way home while he and his girl kissed in the buggy. A lost world, even then in 1969. Here was this man, still vigorous, who had been an airplane mechanic in WWI, fixing spindly wood and canvas biplanes, watching Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon.
39
I have taken my daughter and her two children through the part of town that I grew up in in the '50's, shown them my house, my school, my neighborhood, and told them stories of what that childhood was like. They listened politely, but they didn't really care and probably didn't absorb. It isn't relevant to their lives. I was guilty of the same thing with my mother. It is only later -often too late- that we begin to understand the value of learning about what our parents' and grandparents' lives were like, and realize what we have missed and lost.
43
When I was a child I would sit in the living room after Sunday dinner (1950-1960s) and listen to my parents and uncle tell stories about their parents and grandparents going all the way back to the Civil War. I was completely in thrall and now I am recording all of these stories and anecdotes mostly because I was one of 10 children and my siblings asked me to write a family history. So my advice to young people is to ask, listen and record your family stories because at some point in your life you will want to know these things.
9
I want no part of any generational divide. I am inspired by a friend in his late eighties who lives in a progressively smaller world, i.e., the part of the world which remains as it was when he was in his prime. He rejects and avoids whenever possible the social and technological changes that define today's world. And so just as there is less and less of society, culture, and people as they were in the 30's, 40's, and 50's, there is less and less of him as time goes on. I remain his loyal friend and I am sorry to see his world and him fade away. I cannot avoid the advancement of my numerical age and some of the changes in my body, but I can remain a part of life as it is in our country today. This requires actively embracing aspects of today's culture that would have been abhorrent many years ago, and maintaining competence in advancing technology. It is also important to maintain professional status, to keep working, and to remain abreast or ahead of my adult children as they enter their own professional lives. It's well worth the transient discomforts so that I can be a full member of the wealthiest, most advanced and grandest society the world has ever known.
4
My children's lives have been, and are, very different from the lives my parents and grandparents lived. Storytelling by adults and elders to multi-generational groups of listeners (or sometimes one-on-one) is something that once commonly occurred and is no more. The children don't miss it because they have never experienced it, but its disappearance is definitely a cultural loss to them. Multi-generational storytelling features prominently in beautiful memories of my own childhood.
14
My mother still tells me stories.
I am grateful to listen.
I am grateful to listen.
10
Change is good especially generational change. Yes, there is a loss of family values - loss of the security which comes with extended families, loss of a societal and community existence, a lack of respect for our elders. All this are big losses for the nurturing of a future generation. But there has been great improvements too. The next generation has more freedom to decide for themselves what they want to do and be the person they want to be. They are not swayed by old time biases, prejudices. They are very inclusive, very progressive and are more intolerant of bigotry. They are color-blind and are in the forefront of preventing injustices to women, gays .They are more likely to fight the growing inequality, more concerned about the environment and the damage done to it. All these are the changes and solutions to what ails our country to-day. So you win some or lose some. But that is the scheme of life. There is always going to be a generational change.
8
"The memories of a man in his old age, are the deeds of a man in his prime...."
from "Free Four", Pink Floyd's Obscured by Clouds
from "Free Four", Pink Floyd's Obscured by Clouds
7
When I was growing up I (usually at least) LOVED listening to my parents' stories of their youth and young adulthood, as well as their stories heard from THEIR parents and grandparents. It's been a real disappointment in my own life that my kids have not the least interest in hearing any of that from me or any other adult. I don't THINK it's me, and we have a decent relationship overall, and they are good kids. But something seems to have happened, and I can't quite put my finger on the causes, just this symptom.
I think looking back on it, growing up I sorta believed my life would generally resemble my parents' lives. My kids seem to believe that nothing that happened before they came along is relevant at all; and being irrelevant, it's not very interesting.
I doubt any of my kids would be able to tell you the names of any of my girl friends growing up. Or how I met their mother. Or what I do for a living. Or what my first job was. The more I think about this, the more astonished I am. I'm gonna sign off before this gets too sad for words...
I think looking back on it, growing up I sorta believed my life would generally resemble my parents' lives. My kids seem to believe that nothing that happened before they came along is relevant at all; and being irrelevant, it's not very interesting.
I doubt any of my kids would be able to tell you the names of any of my girl friends growing up. Or how I met their mother. Or what I do for a living. Or what my first job was. The more I think about this, the more astonished I am. I'm gonna sign off before this gets too sad for words...
34
I'm not sure where to place this alongside all the articles about how Millennials just can't STOP constantly talking to their aging parents. Isn't the stereotype actually the reverse: kids raised decades before helicopter-parenting had more detached relationships with their parents?
3
As a member of the baby boomer generation I've seen many changes over the past 50 years. Part of the problem is the lack of verbal communication that the younger generation has between each let alone with elders. Phones aren't phones any longer they are instruments of fast paced texting . People rarely visit to catch up with their friends because we now have Facebook.
In other respects the younger generation isn't much different than what I experienced in the 60's. At that time I felt then that the older generation was out of step and couldn't relate to what I was experiencing and I'm sure today's younger generation feel the same way. Once they get married and have children they then seem to seek out the advice of the older folks. Such is life.
In other respects the younger generation isn't much different than what I experienced in the 60's. At that time I felt then that the older generation was out of step and couldn't relate to what I was experiencing and I'm sure today's younger generation feel the same way. Once they get married and have children they then seem to seek out the advice of the older folks. Such is life.
10
What in the world is Mr. House talking about? I can't think of a black household that isn't or hasn't been multigenerational. True, corporations are contemptuous of anyone over 50, mostly because of their costly benefits and salaries. Aging celebrity men, such as George Clooney or Billy Joel (at 65 he's about to become a dad again), prefer sweet young things. But my own adult children have had a totally different experience with aging relatives. They have wonderful memories of their dearly departed grandparents and great-grandmother and are tender and sweet to their surviving grandmother. For anyone with a teenager with a driver's license, have him (in particular) or her take grandma to her doctor appointments for a year (my mother's grandchildren have all had this duty). Walking slowly, being attentive to the needs of others, talking in the car--they do wonders for the soul.
38
My paternal grandparents, who were born in 1901 and 1902, raised me until 1960, when I turned 5. We lived in a small town. We didn't have a TV because they didn't see the need for one. They were college-educated and gave me as many of the good things as they could -- books, music, a love of nature, joy in the simple here-and-now. My grandfather took me to the train station to watch the enormous trains come and go. I remember what felt like the earth shaking when the train was approaching and the wooden platform rumbled. I sat in a big easy chair in the living room and listened to symphonies on the built-in hi-fi my grandpa constructed from a kit. My grandma had special songs she sang for various household tasks, including opening windows on a pleasant day to let in the fresh air. We went walking in all kinds of weather, and she taught me the names of all the flowers and all the birds. My cousins and I didn't have fancy toys or games, but we played dress-up and built sand cities and used our imaginations. If I behaved all week, we went to the drive-in for a limeade, still my favorite drink. My grandparents were wonderfully resourceful, having survived the Great Depression and two world wars before I was born. I was very fortunate to have been in their very loving care during my most formative years.
16
I remember when my grandmother moved from Florida to move in with us when my father went to Vietnam for the war. It was a year I'll never forget. She moved out but stayed in town until she died. She was a vital link in the family's fabric. I am wiser for it.
9
A couple of factors:
1. Families don't all live near each other as people don't follow in the industries of their elders
2. Smaller families mean fewer relatives
3. Both parents working mean the children are more isolated into their own age groups and learn most of their morals and connections from their friends and media
4. Parents rarely talk about their history. Only after they pass away we realize how little we know of their past. I found out quite a bit about my father at his funeral from his friends from childhood - and very, very few people ever talked about their war experiences, whatever the war
5. Taking your children to visit relatives once in their lives is more for you than your children
1. Families don't all live near each other as people don't follow in the industries of their elders
2. Smaller families mean fewer relatives
3. Both parents working mean the children are more isolated into their own age groups and learn most of their morals and connections from their friends and media
4. Parents rarely talk about their history. Only after they pass away we realize how little we know of their past. I found out quite a bit about my father at his funeral from his friends from childhood - and very, very few people ever talked about their war experiences, whatever the war
5. Taking your children to visit relatives once in their lives is more for you than your children
5
The boomers are the generation that coined the phrase: Don't trust anyone over 30.
2
It's hard becoming an OF (I think most of you know what that means). At 78, when I start reminiscing about the past, I sense eyes beginning to glaze over. No one seems interested that I saw Elvis perform live when he was 21 and I was 19. Very few even appear attentive when I talk about standing on that street corner in Dallas nearly 52 years ago as JFK and Jackie drove by in the last three minutes of his life. Last week, the Muscular Dystrophy Association announced it was ending its Labor Day Telethon after umpteenth years. I was in the audience in 1976 when Frank Sinatra brought Dean Martin onstage on his first meeting with Jerry Lewis in 20 years. So many stories, but does anybody really care? Hey, quit checking your text messages. I'm talking to you.
76
Thank you. I would suspect that this divide is nothing new, except that my younger friends in their thirties, forties and fifties are experiencing the same divide with people younger than they are.
1
Many, perhaps the majority, of Americans lived in extended families a century ago, just as they still do in many less-developed countries. Modern ways of living gradually changed that during the 1900's, so that today's generations are fairly isolated, in contacts and interests, from other generations. The idea of identifiable generations with different characteristics would have made little sense to our grandparents, but today we have the Boomers, the Gen-Xers, and the Millennials, plus some older folk still hanging around. The demise of the extended family, along with commercial targeting of individual generational groups, and the occurrence of events such as Viet Nam that exacerbated generational divides, have led to today's generationally balkanized society.
There's a price that's being paid for this result. The accumulated wisdom of older Americans, who may have not seen it all but have certainly seen a lot, is largely ignored as irrelevant in a modern world. But it's been said that "the more things change, the more they stay the same" (by Jean-Baptiste Karr, 1849); and also that "those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it" (George Santayana, 1906).
There's a price that's being paid for this result. The accumulated wisdom of older Americans, who may have not seen it all but have certainly seen a lot, is largely ignored as irrelevant in a modern world. But it's been said that "the more things change, the more they stay the same" (by Jean-Baptiste Karr, 1849); and also that "those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it" (George Santayana, 1906).
11
As a child, I spent many hours with older members of my large Irish family listening to the family lore and history. My grandmother told me about the coming of the automobile and how great it was when women could finally vote. My great-grandfather was a proud Fenian, who'd been born shortly after the Civil War, and he brought stories of Irish immigrants to the table. My journalist uncles brought more contemporary stories of vice and behind the scenes politics.
In my family, conversation itself was a recreational activity. We got together to talk. Every Sunday afternoon, anybody and everybody could go over to grandmother for coffee, pancakes, and talk.
Of course, we didn't have much else to distract us. TV was sort of new and wasn't very good. There weren't a lot of sports teams for us to participate in. Almost nobody worked on Sunday.
For much of my family, this has been lost. There are so many "activities." Sporting events for kids--and pro and college sports on TV--eat up nights and weekends for the Y-chromosome set. The kids are glued to their smartphones or other devices. If you talk, they all act like you're interrupting something. There are a few of us keeping it going, but not many anymore.
In my family, conversation itself was a recreational activity. We got together to talk. Every Sunday afternoon, anybody and everybody could go over to grandmother for coffee, pancakes, and talk.
Of course, we didn't have much else to distract us. TV was sort of new and wasn't very good. There weren't a lot of sports teams for us to participate in. Almost nobody worked on Sunday.
For much of my family, this has been lost. There are so many "activities." Sporting events for kids--and pro and college sports on TV--eat up nights and weekends for the Y-chromosome set. The kids are glued to their smartphones or other devices. If you talk, they all act like you're interrupting something. There are a few of us keeping it going, but not many anymore.
9
This is an interesting essay. One thing I have noticed recently, is young parents with headphones on while with their little ones. Talk about lack of communication.
22
This past week my 3 year old son and I flew cross country to visit with my dad in Atlanta. In the course of the trip, we visited with a 91 year old great great aunt who lives next door to the farm she grew up on with her 14 siblings (she was the youngest).
Her son took my three year old on a tractor ride where they augered a few holes for tomatoes in the red clay. It was a sunny, hot afternoon, and when they were finished my aunt offered my son an ice cold coca cola on her shaded back porch. And for one instance I let go of my fears of teeth rotting and childhood obesity, and let him have a sip of that ice cold coca cola. Because what a gift to have a 91 year old Southern woman offer you a cold drink after you just got finished planting tomatoes in the hot sun.
Her son took my three year old on a tractor ride where they augered a few holes for tomatoes in the red clay. It was a sunny, hot afternoon, and when they were finished my aunt offered my son an ice cold coca cola on her shaded back porch. And for one instance I let go of my fears of teeth rotting and childhood obesity, and let him have a sip of that ice cold coca cola. Because what a gift to have a 91 year old Southern woman offer you a cold drink after you just got finished planting tomatoes in the hot sun.
31
Years ago a friend shared with me that one of her mother's secrets to staying wonderfully vibrant was to cultivate and maintain friendships with at least one person of every decade. Such wisdom -- to encourage exposure and appreciation of the wide variety of need and perspective! I tried it and found it satisfying. As I get older, I find it harder to do because of societal segregation, the "new norm" which took hold after WWll when the nuclear family disrupted intergenerational dependence. The generational differences in pace and energy are challenging for both the quicker and the slower when each has learnt an independent scramble to survive. So, if cross-generational contact is going to happen, it needs some intention. We also need to remember not to categorize by generation -- my liberal, active, 90-something friend Frieda is not at all like my conservative, disabled 91-year-old aunt nor are the grandchildren of my neighbor anything like my best friend's grandkids. Everybody has days they shine and days they don't. Let's be real. Not every intergenerational encounter will be a Hallmark 'learning moment'. I am appalled when the media talks about oldsters or veterans or kids in saccharin manner; it's disrespectful and untruthful. Perhaps if we all made a practice of willingness and openness, life in all its kaleidoscopic content and movement will surprise and please.
15
I struggle with this sentiment also. As a child, I loved hanging around my elders on weekends as they played cards and told outrageous life stories. But, we all tend to romanticize our childhoods (example: in my memories of my grandparents, I tend to gloss over the fact that they chain-smoked, drank until drunk, and cursed racist obscenities - vices that I hope die out with the older generations). And I know that you can't desire the same childhood for your own children; it is simply impossible. My kids have inherited a world that my grandparents could never have imagined; in the forms of incredible life-changing technology, alongside a dire disaster of a planet that needs to be cleaned up.
Yes, it's important to be aware of and learn from the past. But it's also important to prepare for the future.
Yes, it's important to be aware of and learn from the past. But it's also important to prepare for the future.
7
I was the only child of older parents--my father was of the WWII generation while my husband's father served in Vietnam. My father remembered people dancing in the streets when Prohibition was repealed. My dad's father was the last of 11 kids, so my father had older relatives. I spent summer afternoons with his cousin who was born in 1906, at a time in my life when I was to young to have a job but old enough to walk to the swimming pool by myself. I'd go to her house after lunch, go to the pool for an hour or so, and then come back to her house for tea and cookies and stories. She had an old treadle sewing machine and she taught me (who was more accustomed to holding a softball glove) how to hem a handkerchief. As I grow older and realize we have lost that generation and that my father's will soon be gone, I understand just how precious this was.
I work at a University and when I first started this job I dropped by the 50-year reunion celebration and Glenn Miller was on the loudspeakers. At the most recent event, it was Chuck Berry. Pretty soon, it'll be Bob Seger. When I hear the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I'll know I'm at my own.
I work at a University and when I first started this job I dropped by the 50-year reunion celebration and Glenn Miller was on the loudspeakers. At the most recent event, it was Chuck Berry. Pretty soon, it'll be Bob Seger. When I hear the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I'll know I'm at my own.
43
There is also a gap in leadership. The 30ish 'leaders' bull ahead running over those with much more experience. Apparently knowing ow to deal with 'Your Smart List' enables someone young to ignore history before they became aware of it.
Where I work a 30 y/o keeps telling everyone (who are all more experienced) to go to him and his 2 of his associates for problems. Added together they have 6 years experience. I, for instance, have been 30 years at the profession.
I sure hope when I was younger I did not treat my more experienced comrades with this disdain. I now know what it is like to limp with arthritis, memory stumble for a name or two, wake up with a backache; however I don't think I sentenced my more experienced colleagues to unemployment, small closet offices, lower raises, or a bloated sense of accomplishment having done little or nothing other than pontificate.
Where I work a 30 y/o keeps telling everyone (who are all more experienced) to go to him and his 2 of his associates for problems. Added together they have 6 years experience. I, for instance, have been 30 years at the profession.
I sure hope when I was younger I did not treat my more experienced comrades with this disdain. I now know what it is like to limp with arthritis, memory stumble for a name or two, wake up with a backache; however I don't think I sentenced my more experienced colleagues to unemployment, small closet offices, lower raises, or a bloated sense of accomplishment having done little or nothing other than pontificate.
22
Listen all: A good future depends on a worthy past!
2
Ahh, the stories, the fun, the 'difference' from the stodgy parents that the right 'elders' can make in a young life.
However my sense that as much as we think we've learned from our elders, we really don't learn how to avoid their mistakes. We may avoid the surface details, but the underlying human frailties come out in mistakes that are 'different' but reflect the eternal failings of human nature.
We read Shakespeare, for example, and elder with great wisdom who points out
of the mistakes that are possible to make...and do we learn? I think not.
There is an empowerment and joy in intergenerational sharing, IF the elder is kind or able to share in a spirit of fun. My only living elder (mother and father only children, 3 of 4 grandparents dead by the time I was 5) was my grandmother, a mean spirited judgmental arrogant puritanical woman born in 1882, and I was born in 1942. She added nothing but 'formality' and boredom to my childhood.
Now, however, my husband and I can be the grandparents, the elders, we always wished we had had...for our 6 grandchildren, the younger 4 of which live 15 minutes away. Now we can talk about how wonderful it is, for US!
However my sense that as much as we think we've learned from our elders, we really don't learn how to avoid their mistakes. We may avoid the surface details, but the underlying human frailties come out in mistakes that are 'different' but reflect the eternal failings of human nature.
We read Shakespeare, for example, and elder with great wisdom who points out
of the mistakes that are possible to make...and do we learn? I think not.
There is an empowerment and joy in intergenerational sharing, IF the elder is kind or able to share in a spirit of fun. My only living elder (mother and father only children, 3 of 4 grandparents dead by the time I was 5) was my grandmother, a mean spirited judgmental arrogant puritanical woman born in 1882, and I was born in 1942. She added nothing but 'formality' and boredom to my childhood.
Now, however, my husband and I can be the grandparents, the elders, we always wished we had had...for our 6 grandchildren, the younger 4 of which live 15 minutes away. Now we can talk about how wonderful it is, for US!
6
We live without memories; millions of lives in America exist in a historical and cultural vacuum. It begins with the first act of estrangement - the departure from a homeland followed by the second act of estrangement from the past, assimilation. Assimilation, however, is another word for de-culturation which is loss of language, loss of ties to elders and hence, finally, loss of heritage. The tragic end game of this is the "self-made" man or woman, identified by individual accomplishments and its rewards and by a family name that carries vestigial associations with another country. S/he has a smattering of old country words: tante, babushka, matka, and perhaps a genealogical tree but not much more. This is one aspect of the mostly unremarked on divide, "the main thing we lose when we don’t talk to our elders: the histories." But it is also more, it is the loss of ethnicity and eventually a loss of self. What African-Americans lost under slavery's duress, millions of other Americans have lost through a blend of co-option and choice. What this has done to the character of the nation is yet to be understood.
14
You have to work to keep the "old country" alive in your own and the next generation. My family traveled back to meet the descendants of the people our great-grandparents left behind. They're still there. The places are still there. You can't find everything but much can be recovered. You can even teach yourself your great-grandparents' native language, re-encounter the dialect they spoke, and read the literature that would have been new and amazing when they were young. Like everything else, it's a question of where you put your energy and what you care about. (Bring the kids along so they can take it all in.)
1
After having reunited with my father, I discovered "the rest of the story", the lies my mother told me about my father. It is good to hear "both sides".
5
I'm 28 years older than my boyfriend, so he is interacting with an elder.
5
Not every old person possesses the qualities of Aunt Sis. I have 3 80 year-old relatives in my life. One spends his time sending blast emails to everyone from ultra-conservative Web sites that often are factually incorrect but appeal to the older voter; one is as mean as she was 30 years ago and not pleasant to be around; and the third has dementia. All three have serious medical issues and talking with them sometimes seems like a pharmaceutical advertisement. I deal with it as best I can. The Aunt Sises of the world are few and far between these days, and younger generations lack the patience and compassion to tolerate the others for very long.
15
Dear Mr. House,
A beautiful heart warming article, that put a smile on my wrinkled face. Unfortunately, I didn't have a aunt Sis. but I have become an uncle Sis to my children & grandchildren. I'm starting to repeat them & when I do they all yell in unison not 1959 again.But I think they love me, & I unconditionally love them all.Most of my friends have moved to warmer climates, but I still persevere the New Jersey winters to be near them, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thank you for making my day.
A beautiful heart warming article, that put a smile on my wrinkled face. Unfortunately, I didn't have a aunt Sis. but I have become an uncle Sis to my children & grandchildren. I'm starting to repeat them & when I do they all yell in unison not 1959 again.But I think they love me, & I unconditionally love them all.Most of my friends have moved to warmer climates, but I still persevere the New Jersey winters to be near them, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thank you for making my day.
9
Oh the good old days. So much better in retrospect than they actually were.
6
I am a psychotherapist who works with 20 and 30 somethings and am continually amazed at what they don't know. They know the internet and their cellphones, but they lack basic knowledge about human behavior, relationships, money, and how life works in general. Where did I learn these things? Partly from my parents but also from my grandmother. My grandmother taught me social manners, grammar and the value of investments--investments in relationships and in possessions that were likely to appreciate in value over time. Many of my patients who are immigrants or first generation never knew their grandparents and others know their grandparents as senile elderly people in their 90s. Our transient societies and older parenting are to blame. Two generations of having babies at 36 instead of 26 means no relationship with grandparents.
33
Great piece, Silas, thank you. I have a suggestion: stop giving 'em money; then they might start talking to us.
4
Parents no longer talk to their children. I always found the automobile the perfect place for this - captive audience and they need not look directly at you. Now, mom is on her cell phone and the children are on their iPads when in the car. What a huge missed opportunity!
I remember hearing mystery novelist Mary Higgins Clarke talk about discovering as a child, that if she kept quiet and slightly out of sight, she got to hear all the great storytelling in her family. She said that is where she learned her OWN storytelling ability.
We don't talk to our children or other family members - we no longer talk to the clerk at the grocery store or the teller at the bank - all that has now been automated and those jobs are few and the people change constantly. It is terribly isolating for a society.
I remember hearing mystery novelist Mary Higgins Clarke talk about discovering as a child, that if she kept quiet and slightly out of sight, she got to hear all the great storytelling in her family. She said that is where she learned her OWN storytelling ability.
We don't talk to our children or other family members - we no longer talk to the clerk at the grocery store or the teller at the bank - all that has now been automated and those jobs are few and the people change constantly. It is terribly isolating for a society.
17
What? People are living longer and traveling more. My daughter interacts more with her elders because there are more of them. She has two living great-grandparents in good health, one of whom comes to visit periodically. What she is lacking are contemporaries her own age. We are smaller families with fewer people having children than in our parents' generation.
9
It is wonderful to hear stories of kindly elders like Aunt Sis, but not all old people are noble and wise. My family consisted of racist John Birchers who could not restrain their tea party rants even during children's birthday parties. We banned political discussions at family events, and managed an uneasy truce until the children grew up. As young adults they avoided contact with their grandparents because it was obvious that their grandparent's political beliefs were stronger than familial affection. Sad, but not unwarranted.
69
I had the good fortune to spend time in my childhood with elders who were kind, wise, and communicative. There were a few others who were hateful fools. I recognized them early (my parents may have helped with this) and avoided them like the plague. I never felt that family ties were more important than decency, and I have no regrets.
10
Although I am too young to remember, a great uncle who fought in the American Civil War once held me in his lap. Other men who fought in the Civil War knew George Washington. (Robert E. Lee's wife was Washington step-granddaughter). So, I knew a man who could have known men who knew George Washington. What stories they could have told if we had possessed the patience to listen.
8
Gosh, I don't see it that way at all. It seems to me wonderful that we are able to live longer and be more actively involved in young people's lives. I still teach one class a year at the University of Oregon tho in my 70's. I enjoy the students and they seem to like my class. I now have more time to spend with our son and his family even though they are in the Bay Area. There, they are actively involved with our daughter-in-law's extended family of sisters, aunts, uncles and grandparents who help with baby-sitting and after school care. Here in Eugene our close circle of friends includes their children, their partners and sweethearts. The young people and their friends spend time talking with us at our parties and get-togethers. They know our stories, having told them over time, and we are getting to know theirs. It seems pretty intergenerationally connected to me these days--made possible by our longer life spans and good friendships with family and friends.
4
Dear "Liberals": When you outsource the familial duty to care for older relatives to the state in the form of social security, medicare, nursing homes, eetc... you remove the impetus, desire and obligation for families to take care of their own. You have shifted the responsibility away from being dependent on the family and towards being dependent on the state. Is this not what you wanted?
2
And in your family the women don't leave the house except to go to church, right?
7
How does social security and medicare impact a family's desire to take care of their elderly members? How do they impact a family's sense of responsibility? Next you'll be charging government with stealing the love that family members have for their elderly members. The truth is that social security and medicare play no role at all in the decision by family members as to whether they'll spend time with, care for, or love their elders.
7
In any modern democracy the people are no more dependent on the state than the state is dependent on the people. Yes, the people who vote, work and pay taxes, serve and die in the state's military are, indeed, ENTITLED!
2
In most cultures, the elderly are seen as having wisdom, but in most cultures, the elders care for their grandchildren, so they are a useful member of the family.
In the US, most of our elders spend their time and money on vacations, cruises, and golf outings. They have little interest in helping their children or caring for their grandchildren and that is returned in kind.
In the US, most of our elders spend their time and money on vacations, cruises, and golf outings. They have little interest in helping their children or caring for their grandchildren and that is returned in kind.
7
You do live in a nice little niche of upper middle-class America, apparently. "Most" elders don't have money for cruises and golf outings, I'm sorry to say, once you leave that niche. Despite the decrease in elder poverty after the passage of social security and other legislation 80 years ago, the elderly are still the poorest age group except for children (to our shame). The median income--not the average, which the Waltons and Kochs skew--but the median, with half making more and half less, is under $20,000 a year in elders (aoa.gov stats).
But beyond that, your personal situation again distorts your judgment, as you claim that older people don't care for their children. You deny the existence of the millions of grandparents and parents who have, do, and always will love their children, and who have done for them all they can, and gladly. I'm sorry you have not had the sour experiences you clearly have had, but you're wrong to cast aspersions of millions of good people you don't know.
But beyond that, your personal situation again distorts your judgment, as you claim that older people don't care for their children. You deny the existence of the millions of grandparents and parents who have, do, and always will love their children, and who have done for them all they can, and gladly. I'm sorry you have not had the sour experiences you clearly have had, but you're wrong to cast aspersions of millions of good people you don't know.
5
Most of our elders do NOT spend their time and money on vacations, cruises, and golf outings. Most of is could not afford those things when we were younger, and most of us are now living in reduced circumstances -- often radically so. You are running with the wrong crowd.
5
I agree that today's retirees are not doing enough to protect their grandchildren by supporting policies that assure free state and community college, universal healthcare, a level playing field in the workplace, and environmental sustainability.
4
Science shows old and young are equally intelligent, but in slightly different ways: the former more "crystallized" and the latter more "fluid". Since these aspects complement each other, overall intelligence remains similar, though performance in different domains can peak at different ages. The main problem is that the young tend to be interested in ephemeral things, such as pop music and fashion that will be soon forgotten. The old tend to prefer nature, the classics (books, music, art), history and philosophy. They've been around and know where long-term value lies. But sometimes they don't look as good - though my wife gets more compliments on her silver hair than she did as a girl.
2
I too turn 70 in a month. The Bob Segar reference resonates. I would truly appreciate it if the younger generations built a music framework of their own, that I then could enjoy it. It smacks of artistic dependency that I should have to hear my treasured songs blathered endlessly in elevators and shop floors. Find your own oldies, kids.
2
Like the author, I reveled in hearing the older generations stories told to me and the tales I overheard when I wasn't suppose to be listening. If you are an old soul as a kid you cling to adults who treat you as equals, who become your partners in crime. Many emotions spread through me reading this wonderful tribute to the friendship bond between the young and old. Thank you.
http://yorkvillestoopstonuts.blogspot.com/
http://yorkvillestoopstonuts.blogspot.com/
4
I loved hanging out with my grandmother and great aunts when I was a kid too. They were the people who could make you feel like you were great the way you were.
I do wonder about the old guys who have had a couple of decades of Rush Limbaugh pumping through their veins- who is going to want to hang out with extremely conservative grumpy old people?
I do wonder about the old guys who have had a couple of decades of Rush Limbaugh pumping through their veins- who is going to want to hang out with extremely conservative grumpy old people?
4
Sickly sweet, sentimental pap, this essay glosses over the harsh truths of the older generation: Vietnam, the 3rd rise of the KKK, the Cold War. All brought to a younger generation by our elders.
4
Some of your elders marched for peace during the Viet Nam War, burned their draft cards and were activists for social justice. Maybe you need to learn a little more about your elders before making generalizations about them.
19
I went to a Satriani concert and the age demographic was all over the map. Teens to seniors all rocked to an almost 60 yr old virtuoso. I'm not sure which I enjoyed more, the music or the audience. We all have much in common, I pity the scared and angry among us.
2
Don't forget the effect on this generational divide of the Bush 43 Revolution of 2008 that caused the lay-offs and loss in the workplace of hundreds of thousands if not millions of "elders" over the age of 50.
14
Unfortunately for our country, politicians and certain pundits are working hard to separate the generations. Calling seniors greedy and millennials lazy. Corporations and the power structure love divisions based on things that cannot be changed like race or age or gender. If they can pit us, against each other we will not see what they are stealing.
My elders gave me a sense of history and how important it is to lend a hand. Their experiences during the depression and WWII allowed them to see how important community is and fairness. Empathy is another emotion that seems to be ebbing away. Again politicians are looking to cut services to the old and the young by telling each of those groups that the other doesn't deserve them. It is insidious and destructive.
All humans need to stand together or corporations will pick us off one by one and soon their will be no one to fight for us.
My elders gave me a sense of history and how important it is to lend a hand. Their experiences during the depression and WWII allowed them to see how important community is and fairness. Empathy is another emotion that seems to be ebbing away. Again politicians are looking to cut services to the old and the young by telling each of those groups that the other doesn't deserve them. It is insidious and destructive.
All humans need to stand together or corporations will pick us off one by one and soon their will be no one to fight for us.
7
I'm sorry, Silas! I missed what you said: My iWatch had just instructed me to turn my head to the left and acknowledge someone's incoming vibration.
Alas, I do find an increasing isolation between those of increasingly narrow generational differences. It is amusing when restaurants or cafes fumble over where to seat this 65 year old in their much younger demographically targeted establishment. It can be a very, very awkward and quiet experience.
Alas, I do find an increasing isolation between those of increasingly narrow generational differences. It is amusing when restaurants or cafes fumble over where to seat this 65 year old in their much younger demographically targeted establishment. It can be a very, very awkward and quiet experience.
4
I grew up with three grandmothers, since my grandfather remarried the year I was born. They brought so much to my life. One of them was the party girl of the century and wore mini skirts and high heels well into her 80s. She told me that the way to live a long life was to do the opposite of what anyone told me to do. Another grandmother, still living, is Japanese and a master of the tea ceremony. I learned from her to value the silent spaces in conversations, and somewhat got the hang of chopsticks. The other grandmother was a concert pianist who gave us piano lessons and had very elegant parties. I could write many paragraphs about all I learned from those three remarkable ladies, whose experiences and wisdom have helped anchor me in life. The generations ahead of us should be cherished. There's only so much we can learn from books, and so much more we can learn from people who have had first-hand experience of the road through life.
5
My aunt watches movies in black and white, smells like a cheap dish detergent, gives jewelry as gifts, wakes up very early on Sundays, listens to Fox news, and would never read the Nytimes. I love her and I will see her on Thanksgivings.. only.
4
When I was a child growing up in NYC in the 1970s I had plenty of older relatives who we would see at least once a month (my favorite was a 6 story apartment building in Bensonhurst where we would just ride the elevator to visit different relatives). Great aunts, uncles, cousins etc. There were ones I never or rarely met, who lived further away, but that didn't matter as the families were so big. Even after my grandparents generation passed, we still had many cousins.
Well now my parents and most of their cousins are gone. My generation was a lot smaller. My parents were both one of two children, and most of their cousins had smaller families, so there just isn't the same amount of people anymore.
While my spinster great-aunt had many nieces and nephews (and then grand-nieces and nephews) to spoil/visit and then take care of her at the end, my siblings and I will only have our few children (5 total) and that is assuming we all end up still living in the same area. With smaller families there just aren't as many opportunities.
Well now my parents and most of their cousins are gone. My generation was a lot smaller. My parents were both one of two children, and most of their cousins had smaller families, so there just isn't the same amount of people anymore.
While my spinster great-aunt had many nieces and nephews (and then grand-nieces and nephews) to spoil/visit and then take care of her at the end, my siblings and I will only have our few children (5 total) and that is assuming we all end up still living in the same area. With smaller families there just aren't as many opportunities.
3
It is always possible to grasp that frail hand one last time. Now, this prescription may sound too calculated, too contrived, but you should interview the aged one; and to do this, you do some up-front, in-depth research to be able to ask good questions involving real people, places, events. Don't test them by asking vague questions about what events they knew about, whom they had seen or heard. Instead, if their life in, say California, would have included the arrival of dustbowl Okies, be able to ask specifically about that. If they went off to war or experienced a revolutionary change like women's rights or racial integration, be ready to ask about that, know names and dates to help them dig deeper, never intruding, but keeping them on the straight-and-narrow. Don't lead, but guide, always hoping for that telling, precious tangent, and ready to follow it with them. Be respectful. Don't exhaust them.
And you would be surprised what a treasure you will unearth to share with your family. Thus is history built up, much like an heirloom quilt with every patch a memory. So if you have missed the intimate, delicate building up of affinity the author describes, still, you can go home again by the practice of loving interview. If only I had known this years ago!
And you would be surprised what a treasure you will unearth to share with your family. Thus is history built up, much like an heirloom quilt with every patch a memory. So if you have missed the intimate, delicate building up of affinity the author describes, still, you can go home again by the practice of loving interview. If only I had known this years ago!
3
My Aunt, born in 1903 in a Jewish village in Poland, was with us until 2012, and provided a connection with a different world. Her family moved to Baltimore, the same neighborhood now in the news, then the second stop from the humble quarters after clearing immigration.
Their world centered around the synagogue down the street, which is now a church, and race and religion were central identifiers. The Yiddish words were always used, which could make it seem that they had the same connotation as in English. But not really, as it reflected generalizations that were meaningful to a group that had always lived in fear of "outsiders."
When retired, and her husband gone, she owned a few houses in poor areas where paying rent was a struggle. I remember her telling me that she had signed one over to the renters --- not sold it to them but given it away. She said they were nice people who kept up the property, so she gave them a gift.
I wrote about her when she passed away:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/09/08/1129351/-Aunt-Lena-as-she-is-le...
Their world centered around the synagogue down the street, which is now a church, and race and religion were central identifiers. The Yiddish words were always used, which could make it seem that they had the same connotation as in English. But not really, as it reflected generalizations that were meaningful to a group that had always lived in fear of "outsiders."
When retired, and her husband gone, she owned a few houses in poor areas where paying rent was a struggle. I remember her telling me that she had signed one over to the renters --- not sold it to them but given it away. She said they were nice people who kept up the property, so she gave them a gift.
I wrote about her when she passed away:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/09/08/1129351/-Aunt-Lena-as-she-is-le...
9
Beautiful story of your Aunt Lena and family, thank you for sharing. May her memory be for a blessing and continue to sustain you and all your family.
1
I think this is an American phenomena more that anything else.
In much of Europe, Asia, India and the Middle East the elder generation is revered.
I will add that this generational divide is a product of the sad expansion on "Americanism". 'Dye your white hair, eliminate wrinkles..lets all try to look 12!"
In many cultures American Television is not allowed, Hollywood's obsession with teens and youth culture is the reason. The wisdom of the elderly is so vast yet our young people are missing this treasure.
What i learned after spending 3 months with an elderly Jewish rabbi in India is priceless.
In much of Europe, Asia, India and the Middle East the elder generation is revered.
I will add that this generational divide is a product of the sad expansion on "Americanism". 'Dye your white hair, eliminate wrinkles..lets all try to look 12!"
In many cultures American Television is not allowed, Hollywood's obsession with teens and youth culture is the reason. The wisdom of the elderly is so vast yet our young people are missing this treasure.
What i learned after spending 3 months with an elderly Jewish rabbi in India is priceless.
7
I am one of those that gained from my elders (but certainly not enough, making me wish I should have spent more time with them) and also one who looks to the young (children included) and thinks, if they only would be more interested in talking to me.
Yes, I don't have much to say on today's music, video games, fashion and other things. And that's fine. But there's plenty of other stuff we could talk about. Heritage and history for one.
So I just let them be and wonder if they will ever wish they had spent more time with me.
Yes, I don't have much to say on today's music, video games, fashion and other things. And that's fine. But there's plenty of other stuff we could talk about. Heritage and history for one.
So I just let them be and wonder if they will ever wish they had spent more time with me.
20
Thank you, Silas, for such an insightful and moving article. I cover aging issues as a freelance journalist and have observed this sad trend. It got me to thinking about all the relatives I've lost, and miss so much, which I reflected on in this blog. http://juliehalpert.com/2015/05/08/embracing-the-joys-of-extended-family-2/
17
Many old people are lonely and crotchety. They may not communicate that they value your company even if they do. They express themselves in ways not necessarily familiar. If you cam bridge the gap you can get a history lesson better than that in some of the most respected textbooks. But usually the lesson has a slant. Your relative is the all-knowing narrator. And, no, it's not true that his or her kids were the most unappreciative on planet earth.
3
Nice generalizing. When people really recognize that statements that begin with "most such-and-such people are ..." are dismissive and demeaning and feed prejudices, we'd have a lot less negative "isms" to contend with (ageism, sexism, etc.).
2
We lose cultural literacy, and our ability to form conclusions based on inter-generational information, which will limit the ability to communicate across demographics. It also makes you stupid.
23
Grandma Effie was born 7 years after the Civil War; she was a schoolteacher and married late, her only child, my mother, was born when she was 32. At one point both grandmothers lived with us; grandma Molly, my father's mother told me fairy tales in Norwegian that I remembered when I grew up but retained no memory of that language. Grandma Effie told stories about slavery told to her by her abolitionist parents—the notion that some people were owned by other people and couldn't do what they wanted made me cry until I was assured that only colored people were slaves. Effie (Effie Evelyn Stoner) was full of sayings of her times: "There was a little Hindu, and for clothes he made his skin do!" and there was, "My face I don't mind it for I am behind it, it's the folks in the front that I jar."
Here I am, eighty-two years old with no grandchildren to tell the stories of my grandparents or even the tales of my times. Not many people older than me to tell me how it was. There's a 99 year-old "Watchtower" lady in the park I talk to but we are both a little deaf and she's more interested in the "World to come" so doesn't talk much about past times. Instead of Grandparents, young people have Google and Wikipedia...
Here I am, eighty-two years old with no grandchildren to tell the stories of my grandparents or even the tales of my times. Not many people older than me to tell me how it was. There's a 99 year-old "Watchtower" lady in the park I talk to but we are both a little deaf and she's more interested in the "World to come" so doesn't talk much about past times. Instead of Grandparents, young people have Google and Wikipedia...
62
Grandparents also have Google and Wikipedia. I'm 82, and find it amazing how much information and history, etc., are readily available to me! Got a question? Immediately look it up on Google! It's not difficult at all and not beyond our understanding. It's an amazing world. We just need to look into it.
2
This piece is an example of why Silas is one of my favorite authors. All of his books are on my shelf. He touches the heart. Silas has put into beautiful words what I know to be true. There is a lesson here I hope people will heed.
7
Your observations are exactly the reason I have written my own obituary - I got a thank you note from my children, who as you may imagine could not have really known me - I was 25 when we first met and they were 25 before they began to care about about the family history. I teach a class in "personality" obituary writing. Your legacy in your own words is one way to pass the family stories down in today's fragmented society.
7
Today people don't trust the way they used to. Adults are not welcome in the children's book section in the library unless they have children. Older men are watched like they are predators. We have gated communities which protect the residents from the unwelcome intrusions of those of a lesser economic class. The generation that said anyone over the age of 30 cannot be trusted is long past 30. They have probably learned, too late, that being over 30 and trustworthiness are two separate issues.
72
Today, many elder live in assisted living arrangements, by choice or by necessity, which actually shelter and isolates them from general society. While family visit frequently, the elder still may become out of touch with current culture, politics, local issues like school funding etc.
8
Many elders living in their own homes are isolated from society. All their peers are gone, their spouse is dead, they can't drive, have hearing and/or sight problems, are frail, the list goes on. Help from family and Meals-on-Wheels may allow them to stay at home, but they are isolated. "Aging-in-place" doesn't magically mean that elders are staying connected to the outside world. Sometimes assisted living arrangements provide more social interaction for the home-bound elderly.
1
I live in a CCRC and each semester we invite classes of college students to come to talk with us. The class is titled "What you wanted to learn about your grandparents but were afraid to ask." It is a huge success both for us elders and the students. Feedback from them suggests that they would really like to have the opportunity to talk and learn from our generation - as we like to learn about theirs.
31
Like Mr. House I grew up with my grandmother, an Auschwitz survivor. As I was learning to speak she was learning English. My parents both worked and Anyu was home when I returned from school. She taught me how to cook, bake, see and helped me learn to play the piano. Many years later we took in our daughter, 3 week old grandson and my wife's 87 year old grandmother. Our grandson was lucky enough to have 8 years with his great great grandmother. HE is now 19 in college, working full time, with specific goals, a
10
Lovely piece, Silas.
25
I'm 78 and grew up listening to my Uncle Neil regale me with stories about Boston life and politics at the turn of the last century. Neil was a political activist with one of Boston's political machines and a first rate story teller. Probably the best thing he ever did for me was to take me to Fenway Park in late October, 1944 to hear the political speech FDR'd final speech for the 1944 campaign that would, in fact, be the last political speech he would ever give. All I remember from that day is Neil holding a huge Roosevelt Truman placard and FDR coming onto the field in this huge black limosine.
24
Our culture has been driven from the bottom (young) up for the last two decades, and it shows. Many of the film and TV programs are geared toward the tastes of 17-year old boys: violent, cartoonish, crude, and devoid of true inspiration, originality or creativity.
Chidlren who grow up with grandparents and older relatives in their lives are more secure and have a better sense of who they are and where they fit in in the world.
Chidlren who grow up with grandparents and older relatives in their lives are more secure and have a better sense of who they are and where they fit in in the world.
63
Although I agree with much of what you are saying I have to point out that the family you are born into is not always the one that cares for you. My parents didn't want me. My mother's parents blamed me for my brother's autism. My father's parents didn't like him or we children. Those parents made sure to alienate the rest of the family from us. My brother and I grew up in a dysfunctional family with no relatives. However, given the enmity that existed on all sides, it may have been better for us. At least the only enmity I really had to deal with in terms of family was that of my parents. Oh, and to add to the fun, my schoolmates hated me too. I knew I didn't fit in.
So, families are nice if they're good. If they aren't, it's no fun living in them. It would be nice if society had something to offer those of us who didn't have close families to love and cherish us. That not being the case for me, I'm alone as are many others who were not loved or wanted.
So, families are nice if they're good. If they aren't, it's no fun living in them. It would be nice if society had something to offer those of us who didn't have close families to love and cherish us. That not being the case for me, I'm alone as are many others who were not loved or wanted.
1
I entered Medicare age several years ago, and moved back into the city of Boston, hoping to live in a multi-generational fun atmosphere rather than the monomorphic suburban community we lived in. When we had children we moved into a multi-generational suburban neighborhood, which quickly turned into a one-generational neighborhood as families like us replaced long-term home owners. Initially our present small condo association was multi-generational. in the last 5 years, it has turned into a boomer retirement home; I am ready to move back to the suburbs to see some young people. At the same time buildings designed for millenials are going up all over town. I do not understand why we seem to self-segregate. after all, don't we all need similar services from time to time? - someone helping us (baby sitting vs visiting nurse; food delivery; diaper services (!); medical care; entertainment; sports facilities; etc. etc. A friend of mine once called NYC "assisted living for the young". Sign me up and I'd be happy to walk your dog and watch your kids.
32
One of the strangest, most horrifying, and most beautiful tales of generational divide is Arthur C. Clarke's novel "Childhood's End." That divide becomes, in point of fact, apocalyptic. It seems to me that the pace of the present divide is accelerating as the world and the kids move on so much faster than us old codgers. Of course, as in the Clarke novel, what seems Apocalypse to some may be a new evolutionary breakthrough to others. Depends on your point of view.
13
Ah yes, I have wonderful memories of dear elders past, with their oral narratives of days, loves, troubles past. My maternal grandmother would soothingly sit on her rocker and weave us a fascinating tale, mesmerizing us into a time-swept era. I think that was when my love of writing emerged. I think people who have this need - to learn about love and tears - from their close family members, gravitate to fill it. At least I hope they do. I know I did.
6
This is MRS. My sister and I found out about some of our parents' life stories while we were cleaning out their house. Both had passed away, mom first and then dad. Neither of them told everything in detail. We just got the smattering they wanted us to knew. They were recordkeepers in such a way that what they did not tell us was all revealed after they died, EXCEPT the precise medical reason my father was not able to serve in the armed forces during WWII. However, his achievements on the home front were more amazing as they were revealed. We also put puzzle pieces together about our grandparents and found a very rich heritage of relatives about whom no one any longer spoke, but whose names now went with very old photographs. Give that oral history to your children, and give them whatever photographs you have compiled. Share that with them while you are still alive and leave nothing but the darkest of surprises to be revealed when you are dead. Life happens -- share it!
30
We have evolved into a consumerist, youth worshiping society. The greatest sin you can commit is growing old. Perhaps it is our worship of individualism, capitalism, the next big thing. We worship technology and assume that those who fail to adapt to it are old and stupid. The basic human condition has been the same for thousands of years but we ignore wisdom and worship change.
We constantly give meaning to media generated "generational conflicts" as if people were not born everyday but in twenty year batches.
But what do I know? I'm old.
We constantly give meaning to media generated "generational conflicts" as if people were not born everyday but in twenty year batches.
But what do I know? I'm old.
129
You are so right! The media-spawned "generational conflict" is a false dichotomy which allows politicians to pander--and pandering is the polite word for what they are doing-- to the ultra rich by cutting services to the poor, students, and the elderly in the name of bogus fiscal responsibility. The only "conflict is between the 99% who work and the 1% who live off capital gains.
3
"The basic human condition has been the same for thousands of years"
No it hasn't. Because of capitalism, science, and technology its drasticaly different than it was 200 years ago. Sometimes its a double-edged sword, but for the most part the human condition is far better than it was previously.
No it hasn't. Because of capitalism, science, and technology its drasticaly different than it was 200 years ago. Sometimes its a double-edged sword, but for the most part the human condition is far better than it was previously.
1
Is it really that different, or is it that once very few people lived to be old? I wonder about that, and I too am old.
4
I turn 70 on the first of June and I am a left wing liberal. The more you say we are more conservative the more conservative we become. It is called brainwashing.
43
Carlson74 -- I turn 82 in June. I've matured into a left wing liberal.
31
In the protests against the coming Iraq "war" debacle, you know who was there? Old folks. Who wasn't? Young folks. And that's in Oklahoma.
2
Beautiful piece. Knowing the stories of family members who came before us is vital for our connectedness, and gives us a bigger picture than just the last thing we read or wrote on our eletronic device.
Last Passover, we asked our father to tell us his life story, which we recorded on video. Growing up in pre-war New York City, experiencing prejudice, serving in the Navy, witnessing the initial mass production and wonder of Penicillin, swimming for Columbia and New York City clubs (those that accepted Jews): this oral history is invaluable, and is now preserved for future generations.
Last Passover, we asked our father to tell us his life story, which we recorded on video. Growing up in pre-war New York City, experiencing prejudice, serving in the Navy, witnessing the initial mass production and wonder of Penicillin, swimming for Columbia and New York City clubs (those that accepted Jews): this oral history is invaluable, and is now preserved for future generations.
34
Generational divide is a mere component of a general divide that's taking place throughout society. I attribute the cause of a you-are-out-there-alone movement to our love affairs with our cell phones and smart phones. We are a generation away from first understanding the impact that texting has had on our abilities to connect with those around us. Technology, beginning with television and culminating with smart phones, has made us more and more isolated from everyone around us. Will our capacity to empathize or love be compromised? Has the impact of the technology found its way into a growing political view that everyone is responsible for himself or herself and no one else? What will this trend mean for organized religions? Will a religion based on segregation from others and self importance quash the community based religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam? Maybe the Me generation is more than a fad? Maybe we are on the cusp of something evolutionary that will find its way into our DNA.
32
Wonderful piece. Here in NYC the elders are hiding in plain sight. They know so much and have seen so much, yet ignored by most of us scratching out a living. Perhaps we should reach out and connect, leaving the political dysfunctionaries of both political machines to themselves, if only for a little while.
40
that's why I like taking the bus. you get a chance to converse with older people. You can get a nice conversation going as you stop and go from block to block.
34
Another problem is when they die young--- my grandfathers were the founder/editor of Der Kibitzer, editor of Der Tag, and artist/painter for Artkraft Strauss (all those big Times Square, etc. billboards...) Named for both--- Hirsch and Nathan--- I never met either--- they died at 43 and 55!... 20 and 10 years before I was born to parents 29 (dad) and 33 (mom)... Now, I am 70, with children 41, 20, 18, 16 and no grandchildren yet! Time to hang in there too! (And I am very close, very communicative, w the children! Joy of my life!) TY! Neal
4
Me and Bob! 1945... wow--- that is like 1845 and now it is 1915--- imagine! Before the Civil War to WWI... wow!
This applies too, to our older politicians.
thank you for this story and an issue that's all too familiar. America has always
been youth oriented and in this era in particular. Too many young people have
no sense of history and too many lack a liberal arts education which could
develop their thinking process. We are in a technical age, and have yet
to balance it with broader ideas. Concerns about the elderly are mainly over
health issues and end of life rather than the fact that so many of the elderly
are living well into their eighties, remaining relatively healthy and active as
befits their years. Younger people can learn so much from them and listening
to their stories are not only interesting, but educational. A pity that so often
there is none of that - merely a lack of respect.
been youth oriented and in this era in particular. Too many young people have
no sense of history and too many lack a liberal arts education which could
develop their thinking process. We are in a technical age, and have yet
to balance it with broader ideas. Concerns about the elderly are mainly over
health issues and end of life rather than the fact that so many of the elderly
are living well into their eighties, remaining relatively healthy and active as
befits their years. Younger people can learn so much from them and listening
to their stories are not only interesting, but educational. A pity that so often
there is none of that - merely a lack of respect.
20
distance from an aging parent has real risks, one of them being the elder declared a ward of the state and thrown into guardianship where their last days are spent destitute and alone forcibly removed from family and friends
7
I loved this piece even though there are many families that still keep intergenerational relationships vibrant. It sounds like Mr. House's family has done so, as has mine. My father was from Leslie County (Sailor) and I spent a lot of time there over the years. The story of Aunt Sis rings true and sounded familiar.
3
The generational divide is growing much wider than depicted here. Even in the workplace, there is a chasm between 20-30 year olds and 50 year olds and management tends to side with the younger. And I know I'm going to take flack for it but in many cases, younger workers exhibit less restraint in using the tactics they've honed from social competition in high school and social media in the work place. I've seen many instances of demotions, out right firings and even one case spilled out into lies on the prime time news, all lies to push some one out. The young do it because they have never experienced another way. It has always been this way for them. This is why it is more important than ever to put older people together with young people--to give this to them that they missed in the cultural/technology advances/wars with consequences far beyond what anyone could have imagined. But we know now. It's incumbent upon us to repair this now.
72
What a wonderful piece! Thank you for bringing life to this very important aspect of living!
16
That person is fortunate who is brought up partially by grandparents and great-grandparents. Knowing which direction is past helps us know which direction is forward. One of my babysitters in the '40s was a great-grandmother who had been injured as a toddler by stray shrapnel in a Civil War battle that destroyed their Virginia farm, and the surgeon in the New York regiment who checked them out when they went through the lines as "contraband" was their uncle. A grandfather taught me to fish and shoot, and another grandfather taught me songs in French and Spanish, while a grandmother taught me about birds and wildflowers as my mother, a war widow, worked on the graduate degree that would support us. Electronic technology is a character-harvesting machine that separates each generation from its roots, like a feller-buncher in the woods.
14
Thank you for sharing your recollections of Aunt Sis!
2
It may come to pass that as we run out of the cheap energy that powered first the industrial revolution and later the technology revolution, providing both jobs and mobility, the tendency for young people to move away from their families will decline and the family and social networks Mr. House remembers will make a comeback.
2