The Scar Story Nobody Expected to Hear

"Where did you learn your English? It's very good?"
This piece, as all LIVES now, was filtered. Edited. Polished. As-told-to. A pity.

"People here just want to be happy."

uh, people everywhere want to be happy.

maybe someday afghanis will not beat and kill each other. one can only hope.

Tell your stories. Don't hide your past if others ask. We Americans so rarely personally experience the kind of horrors you describe nor know anyone who has experienced them that we live in a fortunate fantasy world of "this kind of thing does not happen." It does. And our "fortunate fantasy world" makes it more difficult for us to empathize with others who have had that experience. Hearing stories like yours brings us back to the reality that all is not well in this world and that pretending it doesn't happen doesn't make it go away. No one know if it will happen to them so it is our obligation to help create a world where this is unlikely to ever happen.

As an example, it appears that it's hard for most people to envision that the Shoah happened 70 years ago. It's much easier (from personal experience) if you have family members who experienced it, no matter whether they died or survived. That's why survivor stories are so crucial; like your tale, the bring the events back to reality, to life. Only by realizing what humans cha (and have) done to each other can we make the changes necessary to ensure it does not happen again.

You may miss the Afghan communal life but here you have the possibility of building a safer life--just like my assorted families realized when they left the Middle East and Eastern Europe.

Keep telling those stores and keep living and reaching your peaceful dreams.

It sounds like you are still experiencing some elements of PTSD. I hope with time, this will abate. And as others have noted--keep sharing your experiences. We need to hear the realities of your life. Share it with the ones who vote and make decisions on foreign policy. Share it with those who can decide how much aid to send to those suffering in other countries. We need to know these kinds of experiences are real, and how many things we do affect real people.

Where did your learn your English? It's very good. Keep writing, and don't be afraid to share your stories (just not all the time). Welcome to America, best of luck to you.

How do we simplify the complex story of the man behind the curtain, permitting the underlying message to shine through? http://lifeamongtheordinary.blogspot.com/2012/01/nature-higher-authority...

"A white woman in her early 30s sitting across the table from me ..."

Why did you have to identify her as white? No one else's race was mentioned.

Habib - Their reaction was about THEM not you. Not only do you have a right to your truth - it is an important and real truth that draws me closer to you. In America we have a pathological aversion to pain and suffering in the sense that we deny its reality - over and over again. What you faced in that bar was denial - plain and simple. I am a poet. I have been told more than once by friends and family that my poetry is too painful to read - that it triggers them too much - that they want to forget - etc. etc. At first, I took it personally and stopped sharing - and then I slowly began to realize that I am not bad for wanting to share and I am not wrong in my expectation that they are capable of putting it in perspective. You expressed yourself beautifully in this piece - keep writing. It pains me deeply - what you had to suffer - but I am a better person for having heard your truth.

This is perfect. When I mention having cancer, conversation usually stops, gets awkward and pitying, as if pity is what I want. I too just try not to talk about it. Habib Zahori hits the nail right on the head. As the poet Anna Akhmatova once wrote, "I don't want to trouble people/used to being happy." Beautiful piece.

cher Habib,

The stories you tell is the narrative of your life, just as the stories I tell are mine or of those I know. Just as I never asked for the early and even later experiences I relate from time to time, you did not ask for those you write or talk about.

In each of our lives-yours, mine or anyone else's, we are placed in certain circumstances to learn from them and to gain experience and eventually maturity. Most human experiences are not 'happy' or even pleasant, and some are simply tragic. Any and all-happy or sad- can be lessons from which to learn and to share with others.

If those around you cannot abide what is quintessentially you, they are to be pitied for their lack of understanding, but don't withhold your stories in consequence. Tell them over an over and over for as long as you choose, not just because they are a part of you, but because they are a part of humanity.

Perhaps if people sit up and take notice of those circumstances that others tell about, they will gain compassion, understanding and empathy. More importantly, your stories are a tool to take the rose colored glasses/blinders from eyes that refuse to see/accept that too many others live in pitiful conditions and too many others die because of the misery created by humans.

Sing on, Habib! Shall I send you a lute, our an ould with which to accompany your tales?

Please keep telling your stories. Your real stories. Your true stories.

I hope your hand doesn't trouble you too much.

I really appreciated hearing your story--if we all have superficial meaningless conversations all the time, we become just as superficial and thoughtless. Many of us are this way, and life becomes about unimportant things. However you are right in that ALWAYS changing a happy mood to one that is more somber is probably a role you may not want to always take. Just be selective--share with us some of the time because we need to learn from you. At the same time humour can be an important (and difficult) skill to learn as well.

Thanks for sharing and don't stop telling your story no matter how distressing it may seem to others.

When we share our stories, no matter how terrible, it gives others a chance to bear witness to our pain. Without realizing it you may have given your friends a chance to look into a part of the world and see what it is really like for someone who lives there.
Habib thank you for having the courage to share, please don't stop.

Dear Mr. Zahori,
Telling your story is very important for us to hear. I am currently reading "I am Malala," with my 11 year old son. It is as important for me to hear this personal story as it is for my children. One clear thing we have learned from her book is that people have the capacity to be hopeful, even in the face of brutality, oppression and devastation. Hearing your personal story, like those of our veterans returning home, are what connect us as a part of a compassionate community.

I think it is very important that you do share your stories when appropriate. First because true friendship depends on that exchange of experience and response to experience. And also because Americans are often very isolated from the suffering and violence experienced by citizens of many other countries in the world. Sometimes understanding one person can illuminate the reality of thousands.

Habib, thanks for writing your story and to the NYT for publishing it. Most Americans will not leave this country in their lifetimes or, if they do, will go to somewhere pleasant, safe, or similar to the USA. I believe it's critical for Americans to hear true-life stories such as yours, eye-opening and uncomfortable though it may be for us to hear. You might finish your stories with the equally important point that these are the types of stories you and your Afghan friends routinely exchange with each other. Maybe you can help expand the horizons of those of us who need it.