Excellent point on those who sit back and wait for someone else to pick up the tab. I have always been amazed at how many people invite me to lunch to get my advice or solicit names of my contacts and then expect me to pick up the bill.
5
The writer's boss was rude and condescending. Saying who is the millionaire among other things showed him to be classless even though his point was mostly correct. A simple "you are my guest" while picking up the bill tray will suffice.
4
A mentor of mine (in his 40s) would invite me to lunch one or twice a week during a summer internship. Without asking me, he paid for my lunch the first few times we went out. Soon after I told him that he "didn't have to pay," mostly out of politeness. He took it to heart though, and stopped paying thereafter.
I'm still not sure how look at that situation, though this article seems to imply that I should look at my boss with disdain. I don't.
I'm still not sure how look at that situation, though this article seems to imply that I should look at my boss with disdain. I don't.
5
Adam M
Let's see. A generous friend of mine always picked up the tab for new and younger acquaintances who were still on a student loan and looking for a challenging position whom I would introduce her to.
Her husband in the corporate world was mentor to a few newcomers in his office; he always took them to choice restaurants, and it was a tacit understanding that he would pay the bill. He would not have it any other way even if one had protested.
Well, the recipients of their generosity eventually would take this for granted, and the kind couple usually were taken advantage of, or felt let down in some way.
Mr. Arellano, to my mind, uses an anecdote on how money impacts on us in different ways. The husband has long lost touch with all these younger people now in solid positions of their own. His wife once confided that it would be 'nice' if once in awhile, some with less heavy pockets, would treat her on occasion to a modest meal for instance of their choice.
My mother, a widow, was comfortable in Paris. A friend of hers once visited me while in New York, and told me that she was quite angry when it came to the bill at one of their lunches when my mother told her it was 'her turn' unexpectedly.
Adam, take your wallet when venturing out. I have never looked at a boss with disdain for treating me well. It has made me wish to work better, and find ways of repaying the person who 'has it all'. One has to use some imagination.
Let's see. A generous friend of mine always picked up the tab for new and younger acquaintances who were still on a student loan and looking for a challenging position whom I would introduce her to.
Her husband in the corporate world was mentor to a few newcomers in his office; he always took them to choice restaurants, and it was a tacit understanding that he would pay the bill. He would not have it any other way even if one had protested.
Well, the recipients of their generosity eventually would take this for granted, and the kind couple usually were taken advantage of, or felt let down in some way.
Mr. Arellano, to my mind, uses an anecdote on how money impacts on us in different ways. The husband has long lost touch with all these younger people now in solid positions of their own. His wife once confided that it would be 'nice' if once in awhile, some with less heavy pockets, would treat her on occasion to a modest meal for instance of their choice.
My mother, a widow, was comfortable in Paris. A friend of hers once visited me while in New York, and told me that she was quite angry when it came to the bill at one of their lunches when my mother told her it was 'her turn' unexpectedly.
Adam, take your wallet when venturing out. I have never looked at a boss with disdain for treating me well. It has made me wish to work better, and find ways of repaying the person who 'has it all'. One has to use some imagination.
1
Enough of all these skepticism. Just learn the moral of the story: to whom much is given, much is expected. That's it! now, go out there and pick up the bill for your financially less fortunate friend. t's a lark!
7
mayelum,
It is a lark and fun to be able to pick up the tab, but it can make some true friends eventually cross. They do not always recognize this as generosity and feel more comfortable paying for their own fare.
Perhaps when it comes to money and friendship, the author who has the best handle on it is the late Quentin Crisp of 'The Naked Civil Servant' who brought his virtues to New York, a city he loved. What he had to say about money (he was always broke) is priceless, and he gives some wonderful tips in his "Manners from Heaven", relaying one true anecdote that leaves one feeling particularly reflective.
It is a lark and fun to be able to pick up the tab, but it can make some true friends eventually cross. They do not always recognize this as generosity and feel more comfortable paying for their own fare.
Perhaps when it comes to money and friendship, the author who has the best handle on it is the late Quentin Crisp of 'The Naked Civil Servant' who brought his virtues to New York, a city he loved. What he had to say about money (he was always broke) is priceless, and he gives some wonderful tips in his "Manners from Heaven", relaying one true anecdote that leaves one feeling particularly reflective.
3
“Who’s the millionaire between us?” he shot back.
Proof once again that money can't buy class.
Proof once again that money can't buy class.
17
Steve Williams,
This big-shot executive is living it up and sounds rather young. It's an amusing anecdote for this reader, and should the rest of us get some good treatment from long-lost or forgotten friends, we should enjoy ourselves to the hilt, and choose the most expensive items on the menu. A request for a doggie bag to take home the orts would be a nice touch at the end of this ritzy reunion.
This big-shot executive is living it up and sounds rather young. It's an amusing anecdote for this reader, and should the rest of us get some good treatment from long-lost or forgotten friends, we should enjoy ourselves to the hilt, and choose the most expensive items on the menu. A request for a doggie bag to take home the orts would be a nice touch at the end of this ritzy reunion.
2
"God dressing down Job," explains what this is really about: dominance and submission, and the self-aggrandizement of the wealthier friend who insists on always paying. It's the unseemly side of charity.
Real generosity among friends, as distinct from business relationships, would give poorer friends an equal opportunity to express their own generosity, like alternately eating at a less-expensive restaurant, where that poorer friend could pick up the tab.
Real generosity among friends, as distinct from business relationships, would give poorer friends an equal opportunity to express their own generosity, like alternately eating at a less-expensive restaurant, where that poorer friend could pick up the tab.
17
There are more ways of expressing one's friendship than repaying the donor at another restaurant, with delectable food. It reminds me of a rich man who once wrote after a domestic tragedy, it was ego-blistering to find out that he really only had five true friends and unfair. Unfair because he had wined and dined over '5000' at great places and entertained them with his company.
I was struck at the time by this notion of friendship, while remembering how kind he had been in having me stay with his wife and him when I was a lump of a teen, and their sending me to school at the time.
Never monetarily rich, I would reply today: 'You are fortunate to have five friends in this curious world of ours. I have not forgotten how good you have been to me when I was with you, and please know that I would be delighted if when visiting New York, you would come to my small pad for lunch, and I shall treat you to a delicious bill of fare. We seem to be all suffering from food allergies here, so naturally if you have a preference for a roast chicken with rosemary, or lamb chops with potatoes and dill, you are to let me know. You once took me to a restaurant, and ordered the best dessert 'I would ever have'. I plan to offer you in return some Bourbon-flavored ice-cream, which has taken the edible market by surprise.
I would prepare for the conversation we would have; prepare to listen to all he had to say, be kind about it too, telling him he would always have my friendship.
I was struck at the time by this notion of friendship, while remembering how kind he had been in having me stay with his wife and him when I was a lump of a teen, and their sending me to school at the time.
Never monetarily rich, I would reply today: 'You are fortunate to have five friends in this curious world of ours. I have not forgotten how good you have been to me when I was with you, and please know that I would be delighted if when visiting New York, you would come to my small pad for lunch, and I shall treat you to a delicious bill of fare. We seem to be all suffering from food allergies here, so naturally if you have a preference for a roast chicken with rosemary, or lamb chops with potatoes and dill, you are to let me know. You once took me to a restaurant, and ordered the best dessert 'I would ever have'. I plan to offer you in return some Bourbon-flavored ice-cream, which has taken the edible market by surprise.
I would prepare for the conversation we would have; prepare to listen to all he had to say, be kind about it too, telling him he would always have my friendship.
5
I approved of the message in this story, right up until the last paragraph. The gracious gesture wasn't gracious at all, since the host had no intention of actually paying the bill himself; he was going to pass it on as a business expense, regardless of its legitimacy. That's how I define a shady character. What a jerk.
34
George,
The end of the lunch is actually quite funny, and Mr. Arellano might have replied 'this is wonderful news! We should do this more often and have you tried the newest Japanese restaurant on the East Side with the extraordinary view of the River Club?
When working years ago as a typist for a rich economist, on occasion I would take a friend or two to a well-known New York restaurant, while making it clear that I was in clover thanks to the generosity of my boss, and charging it to his account.
He did not care about such things, and it was one of the perks of typing his well-received speeches for him. We were a relaxed table, and our friendship did not hinge on such outings, but rather the good feeling and fun we all shared on one of these reunions.
The end of the lunch is actually quite funny, and Mr. Arellano might have replied 'this is wonderful news! We should do this more often and have you tried the newest Japanese restaurant on the East Side with the extraordinary view of the River Club?
When working years ago as a typist for a rich economist, on occasion I would take a friend or two to a well-known New York restaurant, while making it clear that I was in clover thanks to the generosity of my boss, and charging it to his account.
He did not care about such things, and it was one of the perks of typing his well-received speeches for him. We were a relaxed table, and our friendship did not hinge on such outings, but rather the good feeling and fun we all shared on one of these reunions.
6
Miss Ley, if your boss was letting you charge your entertainment to his personal account, that was indeed generous and kind of him. I hope that was the situation. On the other hand, if he was letting you write off your personal entertainment as a business expense, you and he were conspiring to commit fraud against that business, and against the taxpayers who were assisting in paying your bill.
9
George,
Understand that you might think you are addressing a delinquent criminal here and, no, I was working for an honest and kind person who didn't mind if once in awhile, I took a friend to lunch and charged it to his account at the restaurant. It is true that I typed all his personal bills, and never checked to see if he was being ripped off by the local butcher for the price of chicken drumsticks. Thank you for coming in and have a glass of bubbly on me!
Understand that you might think you are addressing a delinquent criminal here and, no, I was working for an honest and kind person who didn't mind if once in awhile, I took a friend to lunch and charged it to his account at the restaurant. It is true that I typed all his personal bills, and never checked to see if he was being ripped off by the local butcher for the price of chicken drumsticks. Thank you for coming in and have a glass of bubbly on me!
3
"The good person always offers to pay; and the wealthier of the two always does." So, where does this attitude go at tax time where the haves typically shirk off their responsibilities to the less fortunate? Sure, the big shot makes a spectacle of himself by paying for lunch, just to line up later at the corporate welfare trough.
13
"Pick up the tab: the wages of virtue"
I can see the wealthier guy picking up the tab and getting it reimbursed if he owns his own business. He'd be able to justify that dining with his friend (the writer) is related to his co's marketing or research or any part his business. But if the wealthy guy is an employee of a company, then his meal is not reimbursable unless the writer is his client. That's just wrong - to pay for the meal of any of his less wealthy friends and get his employer to pay for both their meals.
I can see the wealthier guy picking up the tab and getting it reimbursed if he owns his own business. He'd be able to justify that dining with his friend (the writer) is related to his co's marketing or research or any part his business. But if the wealthy guy is an employee of a company, then his meal is not reimbursable unless the writer is his client. That's just wrong - to pay for the meal of any of his less wealthy friends and get his employer to pay for both their meals.
7
nytreader
Picking up the corporate tab used to be taken for granted when the financial world was having a party in the 80s and 90s, and today when it would be time for the friend's expense report to be surrendered to the Accounting Department, such an act of generosity would be scrutinized.
Mr. Arellano, the author and recipient of this act of virtue, does not tell us if his old-time friend survived the cut-backs of managers and associates that were to take place at the time, or if this rich meal was enjoyed more recently - either way his generous patron sounds rather green behind the ears.
Picking up the corporate tab used to be taken for granted when the financial world was having a party in the 80s and 90s, and today when it would be time for the friend's expense report to be surrendered to the Accounting Department, such an act of generosity would be scrutinized.
Mr. Arellano, the author and recipient of this act of virtue, does not tell us if his old-time friend survived the cut-backs of managers and associates that were to take place at the time, or if this rich meal was enjoyed more recently - either way his generous patron sounds rather green behind the ears.
1
It has taken time for a friend to din into my head that she wants to go 'Dutch' even though I may be more flush than she is. She does not appreciate seeing my wallet and bills on the table, and although we meet seldom due to our schedule, our friendship continues to grow through the decades, and we do not indulge in power-play. A hint in the air that such an act is about to take place on my part leads to what is known as a spat and ill-feeling.
Then there is the friend, the head of her division, who invites all her colleagues to an excellent lunch for a retirement party or a birthday celebration, and it is always the men who are the first ones out of the office, bolting to the restaurant with their linen napkin around their collar.
Why are you doing this? I once asked. 'People don't remember these acts of generosity; they are taken for granted, easily forgotten'.
Perhaps if a corporate power-horse invites me to lunch, I thank the millionaire graciously without feeling indebted. But, as a rule, I always ask if I may contribute my share in some way.
There is the Art of Giving and Receiving, and it is not always the one with the richest pocket, who is the most virtuous, or meets the milk of human kindness.
Then there is the friend, the head of her division, who invites all her colleagues to an excellent lunch for a retirement party or a birthday celebration, and it is always the men who are the first ones out of the office, bolting to the restaurant with their linen napkin around their collar.
Why are you doing this? I once asked. 'People don't remember these acts of generosity; they are taken for granted, easily forgotten'.
Perhaps if a corporate power-horse invites me to lunch, I thank the millionaire graciously without feeling indebted. But, as a rule, I always ask if I may contribute my share in some way.
There is the Art of Giving and Receiving, and it is not always the one with the richest pocket, who is the most virtuous, or meets the milk of human kindness.
3
Like all things this is just common sense. When I was in business I would ask an employee to lunch every few weeks. There were some whose company I could have passed on but there were also some I genuinely liked. Not only was I the boss I was also the inviter and host. Why wouldn't I pay? And it was a way to feel the pulse of the employee culture. As owner it's easy to forget what it felt like to work for someone else. It's always best to see what policies are disliked and find ways to make them better if possible before they cause good employees to leave. Lunch was a small cost to let the employees and I to know each other better.
7
NYHuguenot
What you have to relay makes sense, and pity the employee who may be sweltering it out at the lunch table, wondering if he was going to pass mustard. It reminds me of the time a boss of mine invited me to a concert with his wife and eldest son during a blazing hot summer in New York.
First I got caught in a ghastly traffic jam, I missed the beginning of the event and was locked out in the cold - my host and his wife waved warmly to me as I took my seat with pounding heart. To this day, I have no recollection of whether it was a Bach production or Vivaldi, and during intermission I tried to bow graciously out when they kindly invited me to join them at their apartment for a family dinner.
A memorable evening where I was treated to delicious smoked salmon, and before I nervously took off with the conversation like a filly at the Preakness, my boss mentioned how Mayor Koch had nearly choked on some watercress at a Chinese restaurant, an item in the newspaper. After returning their generosity with a less than happy social incident, my boss on a slice of meat-loaf started to slide off his chair with fatigue.
Having relayed this anecdote, pleased to confirm that this generous and honorable couple were troopers, and I found other ways of expressing my appreciation by virtue of being there for them when they asked for some secretarial support at their home, and coming up with an original idea when it came to gifts once in a blue moon, around the holidays.
What you have to relay makes sense, and pity the employee who may be sweltering it out at the lunch table, wondering if he was going to pass mustard. It reminds me of the time a boss of mine invited me to a concert with his wife and eldest son during a blazing hot summer in New York.
First I got caught in a ghastly traffic jam, I missed the beginning of the event and was locked out in the cold - my host and his wife waved warmly to me as I took my seat with pounding heart. To this day, I have no recollection of whether it was a Bach production or Vivaldi, and during intermission I tried to bow graciously out when they kindly invited me to join them at their apartment for a family dinner.
A memorable evening where I was treated to delicious smoked salmon, and before I nervously took off with the conversation like a filly at the Preakness, my boss mentioned how Mayor Koch had nearly choked on some watercress at a Chinese restaurant, an item in the newspaper. After returning their generosity with a less than happy social incident, my boss on a slice of meat-loaf started to slide off his chair with fatigue.
Having relayed this anecdote, pleased to confirm that this generous and honorable couple were troopers, and I found other ways of expressing my appreciation by virtue of being there for them when they asked for some secretarial support at their home, and coming up with an original idea when it came to gifts once in a blue moon, around the holidays.
1
Miss Ley:
I think the expression you're looking for is "pass muster."
Unless the employee was "sweltering it out at the lunch table" because of a digestive issue.
I think the expression you're looking for is "pass muster."
Unless the employee was "sweltering it out at the lunch table" because of a digestive issue.
8