I didn't get a chance to comment on the last column, but here is my comment. The man profiled had injured his back. I believe society should take care of injured people. He should have been taken care of. Anyone can get injured, even the most responsible among us.
However, irresponsible people also make claims: people who don't take responsibility. Because of this, we have less to give those like Mr. Kristof's friend who deserve help. Because so many 'game the system', we develop more onerous rules . The more that irresponsible people take and don't contribute, the bigger the problem. People who are truly injured get no help.
I would also like to address the idea that the 'rich must contribute more'. That's fine on a federal level. In local government (such as towns) if a big part of the population is not contributing, the town goes downhill fast. The schools, the police force, etc. Many towns don't have that 'rich' population to help out. If a big part of the population is irresponsible and consumes a lot of resources while not contributing, the town is in big trouble. This is the reason many working class people tend to be less empathetic and more conservative. They live on towns that are 'on the edge'. They can see the damage to THEIR TOWN. A lot of people using extra resources and not contributing means SPIRAL DOWNWARD.
If you live in a wealthy town, you don't know what I am talking about.
However, irresponsible people also make claims: people who don't take responsibility. Because of this, we have less to give those like Mr. Kristof's friend who deserve help. Because so many 'game the system', we develop more onerous rules . The more that irresponsible people take and don't contribute, the bigger the problem. People who are truly injured get no help.
I would also like to address the idea that the 'rich must contribute more'. That's fine on a federal level. In local government (such as towns) if a big part of the population is not contributing, the town goes downhill fast. The schools, the police force, etc. Many towns don't have that 'rich' population to help out. If a big part of the population is irresponsible and consumes a lot of resources while not contributing, the town is in big trouble. This is the reason many working class people tend to be less empathetic and more conservative. They live on towns that are 'on the edge'. They can see the damage to THEIR TOWN. A lot of people using extra resources and not contributing means SPIRAL DOWNWARD.
If you live in a wealthy town, you don't know what I am talking about.
21
I grew up in a small conservative town of about 3500 people. We knew everybody in town of all races and creeds. (We did have more Siks in town that Catholics. I observed a great deal of empathy with others in town. There were status differences, but a great deal of empathy. I don't see that much anymore, even out our little town. Now people believe it is their right that everything goes well.
15
It seems to me that it is difficult for individuals to develop more empathy unless they have a mentor, who also helps them develop insight into the natural human tendency to project negative attitudes onto others, especially onto people who are not part of one's "in group".
I recommend taking a look at the following imaginative, wise, on-line comic book (entirely free).
- Search - "On-Line Dream Work Training Manual II" - by Jeremy Taylor - blurb.com
It's helpful to enlarge screen a bit (ctrl +) before clicking "preview",
then (on bottom bar) click "full screen", and < > to flip pages, escape to exit.
The author/artist often uses amusing anthropomorphic animals to illustrate subtle psychological processes. The section on "Projection" is very thoughtful.
- Excerpts -
- "We aren't in a position to NOT project! All we can manage is to recognize what we're doing, in the midst of it happening."
- "Projections diminish our lives by making us less accurately aware of both the others around us and the world we share as a whole." (pg. 18- 19).
On page 44, there is an poignant message displayed on a billboard.
"The 1st Bank Of
Convention Wisdom
Prejudices Confirmed!
Branches Everywhere"
The billboard is blocking the view of of a whimsical, imaginative scene and characters.
I recommend taking a look at the following imaginative, wise, on-line comic book (entirely free).
- Search - "On-Line Dream Work Training Manual II" - by Jeremy Taylor - blurb.com
It's helpful to enlarge screen a bit (ctrl +) before clicking "preview",
then (on bottom bar) click "full screen", and < > to flip pages, escape to exit.
The author/artist often uses amusing anthropomorphic animals to illustrate subtle psychological processes. The section on "Projection" is very thoughtful.
- Excerpts -
- "We aren't in a position to NOT project! All we can manage is to recognize what we're doing, in the midst of it happening."
- "Projections diminish our lives by making us less accurately aware of both the others around us and the world we share as a whole." (pg. 18- 19).
On page 44, there is an poignant message displayed on a billboard.
"The 1st Bank Of
Convention Wisdom
Prejudices Confirmed!
Branches Everywhere"
The billboard is blocking the view of of a whimsical, imaginative scene and characters.
4
Post hoc ergo proctor hoc?
Wealth may insulate people from others and reduce empathy. Could be.
It could as easily be true that selfish individuals with little empathy will step all over anybody and everybody else in their greedy quest to acquire wealth, increasing their chances of success since nothing like feelings for others will stand in their way, and therefore those who accumulate a lot of money are already less empathic than those who aren't as single-minded and determined to rack it up.
Wealth may insulate people from others and reduce empathy. Could be.
It could as easily be true that selfish individuals with little empathy will step all over anybody and everybody else in their greedy quest to acquire wealth, increasing their chances of success since nothing like feelings for others will stand in their way, and therefore those who accumulate a lot of money are already less empathic than those who aren't as single-minded and determined to rack it up.
22
Empathy will most easily develop when watching a loved one suffer. Watching my wife die over a three year period changed my outlook in many ways and empathy was certainly high on the list.
Calling the unemployed and needy, criminals and takers is an example of Congress trashing the concept of empathy and our whole country is bending in that directions.
Calling the unemployed and needy, criminals and takers is an example of Congress trashing the concept of empathy and our whole country is bending in that directions.
32
The way to help others be more empathic is to treat them with empathy, giving respect, kindness, and acceptance of their experience. I think a lot of the time people resent being gentle with others because they remember all the times they were stepped on or judged.
5
Does stereotyping successful people as less empathetic bridge the divide in this country right now? I paid my way through school, work hard and didn't come from privilege. I drive a nice car, and I don't cut people off in the street; however, my car has been keyed about 8 times, solely because it's a nice car. Articles like this that create some sort of weird resentment towards people like me. I pay up the nose in taxes....the other day, on the news I hear this story of a family with 4 children complaining they are living paycheck to paycheck and how they need more tax credits so they don't have to live that way.... Why didn't they just have 2 kids? It's not that I'm not empathetic, but c'mon, people have to make decisions that make sense. I volunteered for years visiting hospice patients, have mentored foster children, sit on the board of a non-profit (environmental conservation), contribute where I can and take responsibility for my own life. I am not insulated, inward, and less affected by the suffering of other people. I find this type of stereotyping shallow and generally unhelpful in generating more empathy in our society. If we want a more empathetic society, we need to refrain from conversations that stereotype any class of people. Many people are able to turn their tragedies into triumph and success - how they do that is far more a compelling topic than a theoretical discussion on why successful people are probably less capable of empathy than everyone else.
39
I'm a lawyer representing disabled applicants for Social Security. For several years I had a woman working with me who simply could not feel empathetic for the clients. I would explain why and how the person's finances, or their psychological condition, limited them from making progress, and she would seem to understand, but yet could never bring that understanding to the next client. She herself had some serious family problems and because of that I did not fire her and continued to work with her. Over a period of several years, she never changed and never was able to empathize with the clients.
12
Probably not much of a chance for changing the way people feel about anyone else around them so long as everyone never has to or has a chance to walk in any shoes other than their own.
I mean, heck, the rich have so many pairs of their own shoes that not a single day will ever go by that they'd be forced to wear the same pair twice and still never have to be forced to borrow another pair from anyone else. So you can pretty much figure they'll never get a chance to learn any of this empathy of which you write about.
The shoeless are really the luckiest, because they're forced to literally walk in everyone else's shoes everyday by virtue of the fact they haven't a single pair of their own.
I mean, heck, the rich have so many pairs of their own shoes that not a single day will ever go by that they'd be forced to wear the same pair twice and still never have to be forced to borrow another pair from anyone else. So you can pretty much figure they'll never get a chance to learn any of this empathy of which you write about.
The shoeless are really the luckiest, because they're forced to literally walk in everyone else's shoes everyday by virtue of the fact they haven't a single pair of their own.
6
Isn't the better question "How do we motivate self-reliance and personal responsibility."
11
A perfect example of lack of empathy! I 'll wager Mr. Thomas has had a pretty easy life. He has had a good job, never been dumped by an employer for no fault of his own, and never been in a situation where his best efforts made no difference. Over and over.
33
Mr. Kristoff's article about his high school buddy was outstanding. The article did not assign blame and acknowledged that his friend had made bad choices in life, while pointing out the obvious, that his friend was ill equipped to handle the pressures of our modern hyper competitive economy. We can all disagree about solutions, but if we don't have at least a bit of empathy we are (to use another "path" word) pathetic.
12
Having empathy is something that liberals, like Mr. Kristof, do in order to take someone else's money and then pat themselves on the back for their own goodness and moral superiority. Mr. Kristof, why didn't you get your friend the medical assistance he needed. Surely you could afford it. Why blame his demise on an uncaring society?
18
I would suspect most conservatives believe in a safety net. However, they have become convinced that those seeking assistance lack personal responsibility and self reliance at best, are lazy or commit fraud, at worst. My question to my conservative friends is always this: How do you define undeserving and what percentage of those getting public assistance fall into that category? Have you read a study as to who is on assistance and why and for how long? How much fraud is being committed? Obviously, to claim that somebody is "giving someone else's money away (to the undeserved)", you need to know these facts. My conservative friends never do. But they do hear, over and over, from their political leaders amd Fox personalities about the "moochers" and perhaps actual welfare cheats, and asssume these represent the vast majority of recipients. Perhaps misguided ideology, if not easy susceptability to people who appeal to your worst instincts, are the main barriers to empathy.
25
I am reminded of the line from Tom T. Hall's song Old Dogs, Children and Watermelon Wine - "God bless little children while they're still too young to hate". We are all born with the empathy to love and help our fellow man. Somewhere between birth and death we allow ourselves to be corrupted by vices masquerading as virtues.
13
I volunteer for a small arm of the non-proift, Institute for the Study of Human Knowledge, ISHK, whose president is Dr. Robert Ornstein, the researcher who brought us left-right brain hemisphere understanding in the 1960's. At Share Literacy and Hoopoe books, we publish 11 titles and have written pre-K - 8th grade curricula, to help teachers and parents get the most from the books. We have given millions of books away and trained many, many teachers, in the United States, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. These 11, beautifully illustrated, Teaching-Stories promote empathy by having the reader or listener make analogical connections between the characters and events in the stories, and their own lives. I have worked with 4 year olds who have been able to make analogical, and then, empathetic connections. These authentic stories, collected by the late Idries Shah, are hundreds and hundreds of years old and refrain from having moral, overly emotional, or didactic endings or of "Disneyfication." Empathy must be taught through subtle, non-direct methods or the result is merely temporary. We have seen, teaching many thousands of children, that engaging the students to use analogical thinking is a wonderful way to increase empathy.
6
Are you familiar with the Heroic Imagination Project? You might find it useful in teaching empathy.
1
I do consider myself empathetic, which may be related to my solidly middle class economic station. But I had my vagus nerves removed years ago during surgery for a perforated ulcer. I agree with you, Mr. Kristof, about the need to expose young people to service projects and all us to more literary fiction. It is the responsibility of all institutions--parents, churches, synagogues and mosques, media, government--to play a part in encouraging and modeling empathy. My parents set a good example for me, and I believe my late wife and I have done the same for our two children, one of whom did go to Costa Rica on a service project last summer, but did not venture to the beach.
6
Simple. Tax the wealthy until it hurts! Draft their children to the poorest countries to build latrines. Do every thing possible to reduce the ridiculous inequality of wealth and income in this country, including a nationwide mandatory vote on equitable and fair taxation!
9
Empathy is harder to come by in our culture, more recently in my opinion, because one political party has sought to portray the other as being overly generous with hard earned tax dollars supporting undeserving lazy, selfish people who don't want to work. It is a wedge issue that is exploited with a few examples of actual cheats ("welfare queens driving Cadillacs") which the general population assumes represents the majority of those on assistance. If one is bombarded with these claims, one becomes convinced that a helping hand is not what is needed and is in fact detrimental. What is needed is a dose of discipline and responsibility.
13
Perhaps the lack of empathy stems from the fact that most of the sad cases liberals constantly trot out caused their own misfortune. They constantly show examples of so called 'deserving" people that did dumb things like run up over a hundred thousand dollars in college loans in order to study Elizabethan literature or worse yet gender studies. There are few career opportunities that will ever enable them to pay back these loans.
Then we have the poor single moms that cant get a shake in life. However, nobody forced them to have three kids from three different fathers before their 20th birthday.
Or the latest victim held high, the person that cant support a family on minimum wage. No one caused them to drop out of school except maybe the lazy corrupt school teachers in inner city schools.
What we resent is no one has any empathy for the tax payer who has to pay for the every waste laden program to fix "societies" wrongs.
Then we have the poor single moms that cant get a shake in life. However, nobody forced them to have three kids from three different fathers before their 20th birthday.
Or the latest victim held high, the person that cant support a family on minimum wage. No one caused them to drop out of school except maybe the lazy corrupt school teachers in inner city schools.
What we resent is no one has any empathy for the tax payer who has to pay for the every waste laden program to fix "societies" wrongs.
14
Your bigotry blinds you from reality. Most single moms do not have children from multiple fathers. Most people did not cause their own financial distress. We live in a nation that puts even a cent higher per share price above the value of aiding families. Shouts of socialists cause people to fear sharing and showing compassion. I pay for the wealthy taxpayer who runs his jag into a ditch and damages the roadway, holds up traffic, using up emergency personnel 's valuable time. We taxpayers pay for many elite privileges, insane balloon payments or golden parachutes for an often inadequate job performance. We middle income earners pay for the greedy to waste our money by playing games with the market that absolve them of blame or risk. The problem with this nation is not welfare moms or lazy lower class workers. The problem is the obscene greed tolerated at all the upper echelons of our institutions. Our representatives' actions border on treason. Obscene waste is at the top of our economy, not the bottom.
57
And the children really should have been more careful about choosing their parents too.
25
You need to get your data right. Here is from CBO (Congressional Budget Office) the percentage of federal taxes paid by different income groups split into quintiles (5 groups):
Lowest Quintile 13.4
Second Quintile 15.4
Middle Quintile 18.7
Fourth Quintile 20.6
Highest Quintile 68.8
This data is for 2010, here is the reference:
http://www.cbo.gov/sites/default/files/44604-AverageTaxRates.pdf
What it shows is that 70% of all federal taxes is paid by top 20% of income earners.
Lowest Quintile 13.4
Second Quintile 15.4
Middle Quintile 18.7
Fourth Quintile 20.6
Highest Quintile 68.8
This data is for 2010, here is the reference:
http://www.cbo.gov/sites/default/files/44604-AverageTaxRates.pdf
What it shows is that 70% of all federal taxes is paid by top 20% of income earners.
3
You are very right. We have lost all decency and empathy. Obviously, there was too much stacked against your friend. But the odds of you two taking diverging road seemed to be pre-ordained. A few words here and there shows the inequality between your families. Your family owned a big farm, his a small one. You had a car to drop him off. Both graduated from High School but his life came to a dead end while you went on to become very successful. If he had the means, things might have been very different for him. Empathy without helping out is a useless emotion. Forgive me for asking a personal question. But did you try to help him out of the rut ever?
12
I confess I am a classic bleeding heart liberal social worker. can't accept that many people do not have empathy. I think these people are afraid to empathic. It may crack the façade they have tried to develop to protect themselves from their own fears and insecurities. I think we should have empathy for those people. They are in prisoned in the shell and are unable to experience a full real life.
14
Nicholas Kristof asks the wrong question. It is not: How to increase empathy? Rather it is: How do we ensure that hard-working Americans like Keven Green do not flounder in a tough job market?
And I am sorry to say, liberals like Kristof seem suggest all of the wrong policies.
First of all, we live on a finite planet. The resources are limited, and we need to learn to live within constraints.
That means we need to plan for fewer children.
I know that will seem strange to Kristof, and to economists like Krugman, who see "economic growth" as the solution to all problems economic, including the tough job market faced by Kevin Green.
But economics can become sophistry, used to hide basic truths.
If you double the number of people, there will be half as much of the earth's resources for each individual.
Too many people make it inevitable that there will be some who do not have enough, some who would have been winners in a less competitive society with fewer people.
This limitation of resources is hard for many to grasp. For one thing the truly devastating effects of overpopulation are not seen in the US but in third world countries like India, where bone-crunching poverty is the norm and intermittent starvation afflicts hundreds of millions.
Yes. People need access to birth control and abortion. But they also need encouragement to plan smaller families.
We praise "the Brady Bunch" when we should instead extol single child families.
And I am sorry to say, liberals like Kristof seem suggest all of the wrong policies.
First of all, we live on a finite planet. The resources are limited, and we need to learn to live within constraints.
That means we need to plan for fewer children.
I know that will seem strange to Kristof, and to economists like Krugman, who see "economic growth" as the solution to all problems economic, including the tough job market faced by Kevin Green.
But economics can become sophistry, used to hide basic truths.
If you double the number of people, there will be half as much of the earth's resources for each individual.
Too many people make it inevitable that there will be some who do not have enough, some who would have been winners in a less competitive society with fewer people.
This limitation of resources is hard for many to grasp. For one thing the truly devastating effects of overpopulation are not seen in the US but in third world countries like India, where bone-crunching poverty is the norm and intermittent starvation afflicts hundreds of millions.
Yes. People need access to birth control and abortion. But they also need encouragement to plan smaller families.
We praise "the Brady Bunch" when we should instead extol single child families.
12
And we should thank the childfree instead of labeling them "selfish" or worse.
9
Nicholas Kristof asks the wrong question. It is not: How to increase empathy? Rather it is: How do we make sure that hard-working Americans like Keven Green do not flounder in a tough job market.
And I am sorry to say, liberals like Kristof seem to suggest all of the wrong things.
First of all, we live on a finite planet. The resources are limited. We need to learn to live within the constraints imposed by the limitations of resources.
That means we need to plan for fewer children.
I know that will seem strange to Kristof, and to economists like Krugman, who see "economic growth" as the solution to all problems economic, including the tough job market faced by Kevin Green.
But economics can be used to hide basic truths.
If you double the number of people, there will be half as much of the earth's resources for each individual.
Too many people make it inevitable that there will be some losers like Kevin Green, who would have been winners in a less competitive society with fewer people.
This limitation of resources is hard for many to grasp. For one thing the truly devastating effects of overpopulation are not seen in the US but in third world countries like India, where bone-crunching poverty is the norm and intermittent starvation afflicts hundreds of millions.
Yes. People need access to birth control and abortion. But they also need encouragement to plan smaller families.
We praise "the Brady Bunch" when we should instead extol single child families.
And I am sorry to say, liberals like Kristof seem to suggest all of the wrong things.
First of all, we live on a finite planet. The resources are limited. We need to learn to live within the constraints imposed by the limitations of resources.
That means we need to plan for fewer children.
I know that will seem strange to Kristof, and to economists like Krugman, who see "economic growth" as the solution to all problems economic, including the tough job market faced by Kevin Green.
But economics can be used to hide basic truths.
If you double the number of people, there will be half as much of the earth's resources for each individual.
Too many people make it inevitable that there will be some losers like Kevin Green, who would have been winners in a less competitive society with fewer people.
This limitation of resources is hard for many to grasp. For one thing the truly devastating effects of overpopulation are not seen in the US but in third world countries like India, where bone-crunching poverty is the norm and intermittent starvation afflicts hundreds of millions.
Yes. People need access to birth control and abortion. But they also need encouragement to plan smaller families.
We praise "the Brady Bunch" when we should instead extol single child families.
2
From what I have been reading, the culture that has taken compassion and loving kindness to a superbly refined form is Buddhism. To them loving kindness and compassion is inherent to a certain degree in everyone and can be nurtured to its fullest extent.
The irony is that brain researchers are finding that acts of altruism and loving kindness and compassion meditation actually makes us happy and this can be measured in MRI scans, EEG, and in subject interviews. So its a win-win.
The irony is that brain researchers are finding that acts of altruism and loving kindness and compassion meditation actually makes us happy and this can be measured in MRI scans, EEG, and in subject interviews. So its a win-win.
10
The corrupt bankers and people on wall street, who caused our 2007/2008 financial recession/depression, thought empathy and compassion was for suckers. Too many in our capitalistic society have become money robots devoid of their own humanity and keep us from moving toward a better and more civilized society. Parenting is the incubator for teaching compassion and empathy, if a child is never shown empathy or compassion for himself it follows he will have a tougher time understanding someone else's condition. Teaching a child how to take care a of pet is great way to teach empathy. Prisons have had wonderful success with pets, never too late to learn that you're lovable and can give love in return...true path to learning compassion and empathy.
6
"Likewise, the wealthiest 20 percent of Americans give significantly less to charity as a fraction of income (1.4 percent) than the poorest 20 percent do (3.5 percent), according to Bureau of Labor Statistics data."
Even if this factoid was true, it means that the top 20% of earners donate up to ten times what the bottom 20% of earners donate.
And, of course, as you noted before, conservatives give more per capita than progressives.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/21/opinion/21kristof.html
Even if this factoid was true, it means that the top 20% of earners donate up to ten times what the bottom 20% of earners donate.
And, of course, as you noted before, conservatives give more per capita than progressives.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/21/opinion/21kristof.html
4
"Charity" is a pretty broad category.
I would bet the bottom earners do most of their giving to churches, which I don't find particularly admirable. Churches are little more than tax-exempt political organizations these days, particularly the sects that seem to be popular with lower-income people. I don't think they should be exempt from paying taxes, nor should contributions to them be tax-deductible.
And the wealthy tend to also donate to political interests, or to the arts and sciences -- which I am all for, but a new opera house, hospital wing or PAC doesn't do much directly for the Kevins of the world. Nor do grander robes for the bishops or a nicer bride's dressing room at the local suburban cathedral. So lauding either group for its beneficence seems misguided when most are giving money to causes that they personally get some sort of charge out of.
I would bet the bottom earners do most of their giving to churches, which I don't find particularly admirable. Churches are little more than tax-exempt political organizations these days, particularly the sects that seem to be popular with lower-income people. I don't think they should be exempt from paying taxes, nor should contributions to them be tax-deductible.
And the wealthy tend to also donate to political interests, or to the arts and sciences -- which I am all for, but a new opera house, hospital wing or PAC doesn't do much directly for the Kevins of the world. Nor do grander robes for the bishops or a nicer bride's dressing room at the local suburban cathedral. So lauding either group for its beneficence seems misguided when most are giving money to causes that they personally get some sort of charge out of.
6
Noble thoughts! But just ain't going to happen! Malthus was on the right track, but he missed something! Too many people out there today, and they want a piece of the pie! Darwin is being proved to be more and more right! Kindness is weakness! Watch your back! Trust me! As someone once remarked, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer! It might have been the other way around, but either way, you will thank me later! Sorry!!!
4
Darwin was all about survival of the fittest. But nuanced studies indicate that "fittest" includes fittest cultures, and there empathy is essential. It is one of the glues that holds a society together and allows it to prosper.
10
"Granted, skepticism is reasonable any time (mostly liberal) academics reach conclusions that portray the wealthy in a poor light. "
Please do not presume that academics are liberal - or even mostly liberal - any more. Our entire country is on a seemingly inexorable march to the political right, including our academic institutions and our media. These were long presumed to be bastions of the left; now they're almost wholly owned corporate subsidiaries with a distinct slant - no, a HARD BEND to the right. Even The Old Grey Lady feels compelled to add "balance" to negative statements about the Right or Republicans by making some counter about the Left or Liberals - often reaching for something specious or irrelevant in an effort to appear (dare I say it?) "fair and balanced".
The liberal media have been dead for a couple decades (in fact, we don't have journalists anymore, we have data entry clerks and recorders who parrot whatever someone happens to say in public, unless it displeases their corporate masters) and the Ivory Towers were stormed by the PNAC and the Carlisle Group years and years ago.
So please - no more of these generalizations.
Please do not presume that academics are liberal - or even mostly liberal - any more. Our entire country is on a seemingly inexorable march to the political right, including our academic institutions and our media. These were long presumed to be bastions of the left; now they're almost wholly owned corporate subsidiaries with a distinct slant - no, a HARD BEND to the right. Even The Old Grey Lady feels compelled to add "balance" to negative statements about the Right or Republicans by making some counter about the Left or Liberals - often reaching for something specious or irrelevant in an effort to appear (dare I say it?) "fair and balanced".
The liberal media have been dead for a couple decades (in fact, we don't have journalists anymore, we have data entry clerks and recorders who parrot whatever someone happens to say in public, unless it displeases their corporate masters) and the Ivory Towers were stormed by the PNAC and the Carlisle Group years and years ago.
So please - no more of these generalizations.
7
I am so sorry to hear that people were complaining your friend Kevin's problems were of his own making. People's lack empathy never fails to amaze me. I have been practicing Buddhist philosophy for the last 8 years and this has made me so much more empathetic than I was in my youth. Studying the path, studying myself, has certainly pushed me to let go of self. Thank you Mr. Kristof and your wife for your incredible work on behalf of women and disadvantaged people around the world.
5
I like DeLillo just fine, but he's not Dickens. For all their abusive labor practices, the Victorians had a much sharper sense of the inequalities in their world and a greater appetite for fictions about poverty, suffering, and the basic unfairness of the modern world. I don't see a similar audience today for social problem fiction, nor (astonishingly) can I think of a non-minority author who writes it. We've effectively ghettoized our social conscience.
38
Twenty years ago, when my husband was a graduate student, I got a job in the Yale Library system at the clerical/technical level. We went on strike that year. While we were out I remember picking up a copy of Yale's student newspaper and reading a scathing op/ed piece by a student about how lazy we were, and how dare we expect better benefits for easy jobs that require no skill. It stung so much I cried all night long. Thanks to my 23 years of cushy middle class white upbringing I'd never personally experienced that kind of meanness. I have never forgotten it. I have also never forgotten the appalling economic inequality in New Haven. I'm afraid many of us need that sting to to build empathy. When I hear attacks on the poor I'm swept back to the New Haven days and my reaction is visceral. I'm sickened. Kids who go on "charity" trips abroad are seeing poverty, but not experiencing it. Many need to experience it, the humiliation, the feeling of hopelessness, if they're to really get it. I don't have any answers here, just concerns.
18
It's of some relevance that one of our political parties has had as one of its central goals the systematic extirpation of empathy from public policy.
Many thanks to Ayn Rand and Ronald Reagan.
Many thanks to Ayn Rand and Ronald Reagan.
12
One of the ideas that makes us less empathetic is the “meritocracy” notion that the well off deserve to be well off, and the poor deserve to be poor – otherwise the concept of randomness seeps in and the notion of reward for merit is weakened. And isn’t “reward for merit” a cornerstone of a capitalist economy? In that model, helping someone who is poor is seen as rewarding bad behavior, which will in turn increase the number of poor. This worldview taken to its logical conclusion, results in the expectation that empathetic behavior makes things worse, not better.
6
I'll bet that if you added taxes to charitable contributions that the result of those studies would look very different!
2
And if you subtracted contributions to churches.
4
Maybe we can bring this interminable discussion to a close by simply stipulating the following ... a healthy society needs to a significant degree both empathy for others and personal responsibility for one's own actions.
5
The opening paragraphs, particularly the one which began with "Wealth may aslo trurn us inward." reminded me of the adage: "Never under estimate the avarice of the rich.".
2
One minor point: Of course reading good literature and meditating will improve empathy. This is not a new insight. It has always been the primary -- but not the exclusive -- purpose of those activities.
I empathize with Mr. Green and his situation, and with Mr. Kristof, who lost a friend. Mr. Kristof clearly had a great deal of empathy for Mr. Green, and I assume he offered advice and assistance, but that did not prevent Mr. Green's problems. We can empathize with Mr. Green's inability to obtain a good job (and taking his driver's license is so obviously self-defeating I wonder how anyone can support that policy), but how does empathy help in any practical way? Empathy does not create jobs or eradicate disease, unfortunately.
2
Empathy helps because people with empathy care about their fellow humans. Without empathy it's all about "me, myself and I."
6
Empathy affects how you vote. So it can make a huge difference.
6
In an indulgently lazy moment I browsed through free movies on youtube, happened upon one directly engaging Mr. Cristoff's exact topic: empathy in a "survival of the fittest" world. 1957's "Abandon Ship," starring Tyrone Power. Simple plot: 25 stranded on a lifeboat that can only accommodate about 15.
The film's precision and timeliness are startling, showing these exact questions about a competitive capitalist society are perennial and integral to our culture.
The officers aboard, commanded by Power, gradually acknowledge, with varying degrees of candor and evasiveness that all will die unless some are thrown overboard. One dying officer instructs Power, "You have a full house at the wrong time... evict those that can't pay the rent [row]."
The passengers naturally protest, and start a debate on "'survival of the fittest ' or merely the 'strongest'" and Power decides to sacrifice the weak and injured.
Before, however, this scenario is 'publicly' acknowledged in the community's discourse, one passenger proposes all introduce themselves, tell their story. The aforementioned candid dying officer tells Power it's a bad idea, and he shouldn't get to know the passengers.
Social Darwinism and empathy don't mix.
The film's precision and timeliness are startling, showing these exact questions about a competitive capitalist society are perennial and integral to our culture.
The officers aboard, commanded by Power, gradually acknowledge, with varying degrees of candor and evasiveness that all will die unless some are thrown overboard. One dying officer instructs Power, "You have a full house at the wrong time... evict those that can't pay the rent [row]."
The passengers naturally protest, and start a debate on "'survival of the fittest ' or merely the 'strongest'" and Power decides to sacrifice the weak and injured.
Before, however, this scenario is 'publicly' acknowledged in the community's discourse, one passenger proposes all introduce themselves, tell their story. The aforementioned candid dying officer tells Power it's a bad idea, and he shouldn't get to know the passengers.
Social Darwinism and empathy don't mix.
5
You're right, Alan, it makes no sense at all to help even one person when there are billions more that will derive no benefit from my action. It's futile, as you say. What's the point? And yes, I wholeheartedly agree that I am vastly more saintly than my neighbor. After all, I contribute at least 1000 times more to charity than he does. Oh, never mind that my giving comes with little sacrifice (unless you compare the tax advantages of charitable giving against my other investments), it's just a smidgen of my discretionary income, while my neighbor is living on the edge. Don't spare me the praise! I also drive fantastically large infrastructure projects with my investments, the kinds that improve the lives of millions, of course after I've carefully determined that my return on investment is sufficiently large. I sleep contentedly knowing that my view of the world, so much broader than all those poor slobs in the dwindling middle and growing lower classes, and my contributions are so much greater.
3
I love (sincere) your sarcasm. But don't give up on humanity, other than on the true psychopaths among us. And if humanity survives (requiring reversing) the tragic -- due to lack of compassion for ourselves and others that so many embody -- course that we are on, there may even be ways to reverse the apparently inborn inability of some -- the psychopaths -- to experience empathy, the cornerstone of compassion.
3
Parents are the great teachers of the soul. Empathy is taught at home.
As a nation we sentimentalize parenting to such a degree that we have forgotten what it takes to be a good parent. We should applaud the hard work of loving and disciplining kids and shame those who are neglectful toward them. Instead, we don't seem to care less about the role that parents play in the development of the soul. Kids learn to love and to show empathy by being loved. It's as simple as that.
Our capitalistic culture seems to have forgotten this most basic idea.
As a nation we sentimentalize parenting to such a degree that we have forgotten what it takes to be a good parent. We should applaud the hard work of loving and disciplining kids and shame those who are neglectful toward them. Instead, we don't seem to care less about the role that parents play in the development of the soul. Kids learn to love and to show empathy by being loved. It's as simple as that.
Our capitalistic culture seems to have forgotten this most basic idea.
5
If you want to cultivate empathy, encourage a diet that does not require callousness to animal suffering. Albert Einstein conjectured, "It is my view that the vegetarian manner of living, by its purely physical effect on the human temperament, would most beneficially influence the lot of mankind." Recent brain studies (fMRI recordings) show that ethical vegetarians show greater empathic response both to the suffering of animals, as well as to human suffering. And ethical vegans show a stronger than both omnivores and vegetarians. This confirms what other indirect studies (such as questionnaires) have suggested. See the study at http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0010847)
It should not be surprising that empathy knows no species boundaries, ergo training people to ignore the brutal suffering of animals in their daily actions could only be achieved by diminishing their ability to empathize with others--human or nonhuman animals.
It should not be surprising that empathy knows no species boundaries, ergo training people to ignore the brutal suffering of animals in their daily actions could only be achieved by diminishing their ability to empathize with others--human or nonhuman animals.
3
I'm a longtime vegetarian, but I was raised as a "carnivore" and nevertheless managed to be concerned with others even while eating meat several times a week. I suspect that already being empathetic is why I gave up eating animals.
5
Is there a more empty goal than 'empathy'? How many jobs have been created by 'empathy'? How many folks lifted out of poverty by 'empathy'? How many vaccines created by 'empathy'? How many children educated by 'empathy'? Anwers? Zero, zero, zero and zero.
Empathy is what people use to feel good about themselves, superior to others, sometimes both. Empathy is "I feel your pain". Empathy may be fine when commiserating with family and friends, but as a social policy? To what end?
Who has helped a unemployed worker more, the person who empathizes with him or the person who hires him? Who helps those with a disease, AIDS for example, those who empathize with the sick or the drug companies operating under a profit motive who create a vaccine? Who helps a child trapped in poor schools, those who empathize and lobby for (yet) more public spending or those who buck political and union pressure to establish charter schools? And so on and so on.
Empathy is what those who won't or can't do anything to help alleviate a situation say they feel. It doesn't help the situation, but it sure makes the person not doing anything feel better about themselves.
Empathy is what people use to feel good about themselves, superior to others, sometimes both. Empathy is "I feel your pain". Empathy may be fine when commiserating with family and friends, but as a social policy? To what end?
Who has helped a unemployed worker more, the person who empathizes with him or the person who hires him? Who helps those with a disease, AIDS for example, those who empathize with the sick or the drug companies operating under a profit motive who create a vaccine? Who helps a child trapped in poor schools, those who empathize and lobby for (yet) more public spending or those who buck political and union pressure to establish charter schools? And so on and so on.
Empathy is what those who won't or can't do anything to help alleviate a situation say they feel. It doesn't help the situation, but it sure makes the person not doing anything feel better about themselves.
7
Did you ever see "The Third Man"? In the Ferris wheel scene, an unempathic racketeer points to the persons at ground level, diminished to ant-size by the ride, and explains how denying the sick the pharmaceuticals he's stolen only kills insects.
Maybe empathy doesn't directly create vaccines, but surely it motivates the science, keeping scientists up all night in a lab when others may prefer a joy ride. Sorry to tell you, empathy is important. By the same token, in some business contexts (running a Darwinan temp agency or a brokerage 'boiler room' -- watch a film of that title, or "Margin Call") empathy can be considered a vice (see my other post on "Abandon Ship,"
Maybe empathy doesn't directly create vaccines, but surely it motivates the science, keeping scientists up all night in a lab when others may prefer a joy ride. Sorry to tell you, empathy is important. By the same token, in some business contexts (running a Darwinan temp agency or a brokerage 'boiler room' -- watch a film of that title, or "Margin Call") empathy can be considered a vice (see my other post on "Abandon Ship,"
9
One of the main issues with sociopaths is a complete lack of empathy. You have certainly lived up to that term with these comments.
9
Mr. Kristof, perhaps you should recall the first law of holes: "When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging."
3
A critical read on this matter is Give and Take by Adam Grant. Brilliant.
A year ago Kristof advocated launching cruise missiles at Syria to increase empathy.
4
What we need to nurture and produce is opportunity. Wages are stagnant, job growth for good paying jobs meager, with the Administration and the Congress are wedded to their ideological biases. Empathy does not pay the bills or sustain healthy egos and self-worth. It is a band-aid for wage and opportunity low hanging ceiling.
Empathy with other people's plights is prerequisite to improving society. This will not be done by the current Congress which is populated by uncaring sociopaths.
7
The Greater Good Science Center? Boy, that just sounds creepy. But it has the word "Science" in it, so it must be scientific.
How do we increase empathy? How about MDMA? We use drugs to increase our attention span, why not empathy too?
How do we increase empathy? How about MDMA? We use drugs to increase our attention span, why not empathy too?
1
We are not raised to be empathetic. We are raised to be Capitalists.
7
I was on a crowded uptown 6 train yesterday, and a female passenger wouldn't move into the center of the train car to let more passengers on at Grand Central.
Another straphanger yelled, "Can you please move into the center of the train so more of us can get on the train?"
The woman yelled back, "NO! I AM GETTING OFF AT THE NEXT STOP!"
The man who asked her to move replied, "So are the rest of us lady!"
And suddenly she moved into the train and 10 more people were able to board.
I am not sure if loudly pointing out one's lack of empathy is the right way to go about teaching empathy, but it seemed to work in this situation.
Another straphanger yelled, "Can you please move into the center of the train so more of us can get on the train?"
The woman yelled back, "NO! I AM GETTING OFF AT THE NEXT STOP!"
The man who asked her to move replied, "So are the rest of us lady!"
And suddenly she moved into the train and 10 more people were able to board.
I am not sure if loudly pointing out one's lack of empathy is the right way to go about teaching empathy, but it seemed to work in this situation.
8
Charity, if it is anything, is a virtue practiced by virtuous people, not a physiological attribute. Charity is not determined by location, station , or economic condition. It is a spiritual exercise whose foundation is love of God and love of neighbor.
My suggestion to increase empathy, eliminate poverty, and create equality is to burn all the money.
2
Money is a tool. In my view, it simplifies exchange of value, and thus can significantly contribute to human "spiritual" evolution (including, first and foremost, the development of compassion) by freeing time. Though by no means a Bible fundamentalist, the truth of this verse is indubitable: "the LOVE of money is the root of all evil" -- not money itself.
3
For what its worth, for many folks acquisition of wealth may be a consequence of a lack of empathy, rather than the cause. After all, getting to the top often means leaving a trail of broken lives or broken souls behind.
4
We could all use a dose of empathy. However, before calling on taxpayers to increase transfer payments to the likes of his friend, Kevin Green, I would ask if Mr. Kristof lent a helping hand with his own funds. Seems like a reasonable, friendly thing to do before calling on the mass of taxpayers to foot the bill.
7
Though I'm usually extremely sympathetic to Mr. Kristof's arguments, you powerfully put your finger on something here.
Does any of us have the right to an upper middle class income when our friends are -ironically enough but literally true: starved into obesity and premature death?
In Jewish outlook there is a principle of "mido kneged mido" - "measure for measure" wherein moral faults are repaid, often ironically, in a poetic justice form. The Torah Portion just reviewed the fat years/lean years cycle that eventually destroyed Egypt.
Maybe that's us now: privation among plenty, and our vulnerable starve into obese deaths from want. That form of death is like a message to us, I suspect.
It may be that much of '"liberal guilt" is displaced inaction, as you allege, but more selfishness and less empathy are far from the solution, most likely. True, much better than "mere" empathy is "applied" empathy, as the Torah would teach, especially when the emotion substitutes for action.
Does any of us have the right to an upper middle class income when our friends are -ironically enough but literally true: starved into obesity and premature death?
In Jewish outlook there is a principle of "mido kneged mido" - "measure for measure" wherein moral faults are repaid, often ironically, in a poetic justice form. The Torah Portion just reviewed the fat years/lean years cycle that eventually destroyed Egypt.
Maybe that's us now: privation among plenty, and our vulnerable starve into obese deaths from want. That form of death is like a message to us, I suspect.
It may be that much of '"liberal guilt" is displaced inaction, as you allege, but more selfishness and less empathy are far from the solution, most likely. True, much better than "mere" empathy is "applied" empathy, as the Torah would teach, especially when the emotion substitutes for action.
5
Well said, I appreciate your perspective. I cannot speak directly to Mr. Kristof's applied empathy. However, we can always work to apply our own empathy before castigating the action and/or inaction of others.
3
Twelve step recovery programs suggest that when listening to another person tell his or her story, one should "identify and not compare". This results in people trying to understand by identifying corresponding situations and feelings in their own lives. This is healing because you feel less alone and can engage in a collective inquir into the nature of emotions and can together lift the burdens of overpowering inner difficulties. Does this suggest a link between lack of empathy and pathology?
4
Let's not forget the power of children's books in teaching empathy, especially classic stories like Heidi and stories about animals, such as Black Beauty.These help children identify with others who are frightened, poor, or powerless. When we talk about reading aloud to children we talk now about the cognitive value of the spoken word, but i think introducing children to others less fortunate than themselves is a great value - and that starts when children are very young.
13
A related question is not so much How do we increase empathy? but Do we want to increase empathy.? Depending on "who" decides there are plenty of people, my guess is, the wealthy, who do not want to be empathic in the first place.
Unfortunately, values like "noblesse oblige", stewardship, etc. are long gone. There is too much fear of losing (money, social status) to want to "care" about others, So, again, the cynical question: who wants to increase (or be "taught" to increase) emapthic response?
Unfortunately, values like "noblesse oblige", stewardship, etc. are long gone. There is too much fear of losing (money, social status) to want to "care" about others, So, again, the cynical question: who wants to increase (or be "taught" to increase) emapthic response?
4
I spend time with folks from the former Russian republics who have come to the US to find a new life. And they have done incredibly well for a various reasons--they have a network of friends who have previously come to the US, they are trained in a profession or technical training that provides them ready employment, and they find a community of people who speak Russian and can help them, and they left a totally hopeless situation that provides incredible drive to survive and do well. In rural America, one or all of these are difficult to find and it becomes depressing and demoralizing. Intelligence, skills, and a way to seek and find opportunities elsewhere in the US are often missing for some people. Indian reservations are also excellent examples of regions where unemployment is extraordinarily high and then poverty triggers the problems that become institutionalized. It is shameful that we do not address these issues as a community of Americans because these problems have solutions.
4
I just read an article on a program that is supported by actress Goldie Hawn called the mindfulness program. It is taught in schools and seems to improve student performance and their sense of empathy. With adults, I think that people lose their sense of gratefulness as they gain wealth. And even when they donate money, it is done with an eye towards how much they can save on their taxes.
5
I agree with Mo: People hate to admit that sometimes difficulties aren't all a result of personal choices.
If they admit that, it would mean two things. First, as Mo points out, that they too are not safe and, through the right combination of circumstances, they could fall just as hard. Second, it would obligate them to do more to help others or to change things.
Empathy dries up when people feel insecure, or when they see around them so much misery that they are afraid of being drained by a response to it. Hence the denial.
If they admit that, it would mean two things. First, as Mo points out, that they too are not safe and, through the right combination of circumstances, they could fall just as hard. Second, it would obligate them to do more to help others or to change things.
Empathy dries up when people feel insecure, or when they see around them so much misery that they are afraid of being drained by a response to it. Hence the denial.
7
It might be nice to ask this question of large corporations? How can they increase empathy?
Apple has hundreds of thousands of workers making IPhones and IPads at extremely low wages in China. It's almost impossible to find an electronics manufacturer left in the U.S. today. Apple could be the largest employer in the U.S. by moving only some of those jobs back here.
Medtronics, a huge medical equipment maker, recently moved its corporate headquarters over to Ireland to avoid paying millions in taxes to the U.S. treasury.
It would be nice to see at least a shred of empathy on the part of highly profitable corporations, which are considered under U.S. law to share many of the rights of an individual. Go figure.
Apple has hundreds of thousands of workers making IPhones and IPads at extremely low wages in China. It's almost impossible to find an electronics manufacturer left in the U.S. today. Apple could be the largest employer in the U.S. by moving only some of those jobs back here.
Medtronics, a huge medical equipment maker, recently moved its corporate headquarters over to Ireland to avoid paying millions in taxes to the U.S. treasury.
It would be nice to see at least a shred of empathy on the part of highly profitable corporations, which are considered under U.S. law to share many of the rights of an individual. Go figure.
9
I grew up in city housing, the daughter of a blue-collar father and white-collar mother. Everyone I knew was a first or second generation American, grateful for the opportunity and understanding of the challenges faced by those below them on the ladder. Today, almost every young person I talk to lacks basic compassion for others. Forget about giving money. They don't want to give time, or even consideration. I wonder whether my generation was too successful in meeting our parents' expectations. Perhaps we became so comfortable that we have raised a generation of children who believe, like the landed gentry of old, that it is their right to have everything they have. Maybe Kristof is right: a bit of existential insecurity breeds empathy.
7
The connection between empathy development in young people and human ethics is compelling. It can be taught, and easily.
Ashoka.org has a major effort going now to expand the tools/exercises to teach it to youngsters and everyone should go on their site and become aware of it.
Ashoka.org has a major effort going now to expand the tools/exercises to teach it to youngsters and everyone should go on their site and become aware of it.
I’ve notice what seems like an increasing lack of empathy in our society. For some people, empathy and sympathy are a source for jokes. I don’t know when this started but I remember being taught that a lack of empathy and sympathy were signs of being a sociopath. It might be that the anonymity of on-line comments has led some people to let their worse instincts rise to the surface. I hope this isn’t a continuing trend. Or maybe (hopefully) the sociopaths among us are just a very loud and vocal but tiny minority.
6
This column begs the question, what is the right amount of empathy and how would we know it if we, as a society had it? Who's to say we're not already empathetic enough? Can it be empirically proven or dis-proven?
5
I recently talked to some foster youth who had been engaged in a service learning project. I thought that was a very novel idea - having kids who have faced many challenges go serve others who also suffer. The youth went to a homeless shelter and were sadden to see homeless children. They spent time at a nursing home and helped an older gentleman who had lost all of his family set goals. We all need to have opportunities to see others in need - even when we are in need as well.
7
Like Nick and Kevin, I grew up in Oregon (and Seattle) and since 1989 have lived in Asia, Australia and Europe. It seems to me that the apparent dearth of empathy in the US derives from the belief, which is widespread in the US and virtually unique to it, that the world is fair. According to this bizarre belief, if a person succeeds in life (in worldly, i.e. monetary, terms), he deserves it; if a person fails - by the same narrow standard - he deserves that too. I remember being at the Barcelona Olympics and watching a crew from Cuba just miss progressing in the regatta. 'Damn' I said, 'they came so close!' 'Coulda, shoulda, woulda said the girl standing next to me, who was from a rich family and had just graduated from Harvard. Readers who have shown no empathy for Kevin were upholding the central myth of America. Sadly.
9
It sounds like you probably like telling that story about the rich girl Coulda, shoulda.
On the surface it sounds like you are saying something, but all I see is a non-sequitur.
Also, I sort of get it the point you think you are making, but it's a sporting event. Are we supposed to have empathy for sports teams, or is it because they were from Cuba?
On the surface it sounds like you are saying something, but all I see is a non-sequitur.
Also, I sort of get it the point you think you are making, but it's a sporting event. Are we supposed to have empathy for sports teams, or is it because they were from Cuba?
1
The concept has a name -- the just world fallacy.
1
To feel empathy requires a person to look outside himself. Involving yourself with the problems of others is uplifting spiritually, and decreases our own sense that the self is all that matters. We are all interconnected and every positive group action benefits the whole body. Making a difference is a feeling that money cannot buy. Live to make that difference and you will leave a lasting legacy.
7
Last night I listened to part of "Fresh Air," with Terry Gross and the author of a book on brain development. One concept that I understood clearly was that the portion of the brain where empathy sits (mostly and to the extent we can identify it) is the Frontal Cortex and Pre-Frontal Cortex and that these are later-developing that parts of the brain that are farther back anatomically and "farther back" in the sense of evolving from a subsistence focus to the life of the mind. The short sentence that my mind came up with was, "Empathy is an adult trait, so in some sense, those that lack it are childish."
4
"...Likewise, the wealthiest 20 percent of Americans give significantly less to charity as a fraction of income (1.4 percent) than the poorest 20 percent do (3.5 percent), according to Bureau of Labor Statistics data..."
___
Again with the [false] narrative about the portion of the pie being purchased rather than the price being paid for the slice. Using $100 as the aggregate; at the low end of the wealthiest fraction, the 80%ile donates $1.12 to charity; at the top end of the poorest, the 20%ile donates $0.79 to charity.
If not for investment, building the private sector, entrepreneurship, both small and large business, there would be no freedom to succeed or opportunity to fail. Use Maslow's 'Hierarchy Of Needs' as a [business] model and apply accordingly.
When the "little guy" has made a demonstrative effort, overcome tremendous obstacles along the journey, whether success is ultimately attained, genuine empathy is attained. This is true both professionally and personally.
___
Again with the [false] narrative about the portion of the pie being purchased rather than the price being paid for the slice. Using $100 as the aggregate; at the low end of the wealthiest fraction, the 80%ile donates $1.12 to charity; at the top end of the poorest, the 20%ile donates $0.79 to charity.
If not for investment, building the private sector, entrepreneurship, both small and large business, there would be no freedom to succeed or opportunity to fail. Use Maslow's 'Hierarchy Of Needs' as a [business] model and apply accordingly.
When the "little guy" has made a demonstrative effort, overcome tremendous obstacles along the journey, whether success is ultimately attained, genuine empathy is attained. This is true both professionally and personally.
2
I'm trying to figure out what actually makes empathy. Is it going on student trips to help poor folk? Never did it. Any charity work when I was a kid? Never. I grew up in a lower middle class union household in a upper middle class neighborhood. Drove the worst clunker in town. Went to school solely on student loans. Worked very hard to become considerably upper middle class now. Yet as an adult I give to multiple charities. March for civil rights and the environment. Give up my seat on the subway for pregnant women and the disabled while others that are considerably younger feign sleep. Maybe we need to be generally less angry and resentful of others and look inside ourselves to focus on what can we do for others and the world. I don't know.
9
I wish you had considered the impact of attitudes shaped by culture, not just biological hard-wired responses, including the radical free agency thinking popular in some leftist and libertarian circles. How can empathy flourish in a society where each individual is his/her own ethical and moral island? Why care selflessly for another who is a stranger when it cramps your "I've got to be me, and free of all restraints"? How can a young person never introduced to any ethical or moral parameters, except not to bother mommy or daddy too much, develop sympathy and charitable feelings for someone not like them? Sure, some young people will want to assist persons easily slotted into a "victimhood" status, but too often it's limited to the cause of the moment on social media.
Unfortunately, mass media and the entertainment industry have all too often made a kind of crude callousness, even cruelty fashionable, at least for young males of all races in this country. Yet we are constantly told by both academics and the militant atheists, that some inherent, inchoate, kindness will break through. But based on what ethical structures or belief systems?
Unfortunately, mass media and the entertainment industry have all too often made a kind of crude callousness, even cruelty fashionable, at least for young males of all races in this country. Yet we are constantly told by both academics and the militant atheists, that some inherent, inchoate, kindness will break through. But based on what ethical structures or belief systems?
4
The relationships we have in the first few years of our lives organize our brains. Evolution prescribes certain parenting behaviors which result in optimal brain development: attachment bonding, co-sleeping, breastfeeding. Our society diverges from these evolved practices. Caregiving in North America typically isolates infants from parental contact for long periods of time, resulting in poor caregiver responsiveness. (It is ironic that solitary confinement is recognized as cruel and unusual in our prison system, but it is considered "normal" parenting practice.) These infants are chronically stressed. This results in physiological and psychological deficits. Lack of empathy for others is a symptom of a narcissistic society that tramples the rights of children. We are the ape that created its own zoo, and we are paying the price for our ignorance of -- and deviation from -- evolutionary adaptation.
4
Empathy is the first lesson of humanity.
For me, it's the single most important element in any morality, ethic or religion.
Empathy is, after all, the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to see the world through someone else's eyes. Done correctly, it almost always leads to the second great lesson of humanity - compassion.
Where would the world be without compassion?
In politics, the basic Republican tenet of, "Why should I care about other people (the poor, the middle class, the returning war vet, the homeless, the elderly, the sick, the disenfranchised, the non-white, non-rich, non-privileged), they're not me" is indicative of their utter moral bankruptcy.
And that is why I NEVER vote Republican.
For me, it's the single most important element in any morality, ethic or religion.
Empathy is, after all, the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to see the world through someone else's eyes. Done correctly, it almost always leads to the second great lesson of humanity - compassion.
Where would the world be without compassion?
In politics, the basic Republican tenet of, "Why should I care about other people (the poor, the middle class, the returning war vet, the homeless, the elderly, the sick, the disenfranchised, the non-white, non-rich, non-privileged), they're not me" is indicative of their utter moral bankruptcy.
And that is why I NEVER vote Republican.
8
What is your source for the 'basic tenet of a republican'. Those republicans are an evil bunch. No empathy for them!
3
@Hammond
Unlike Jesus, I have no compassion for the compassion-less, as they, like Republicans, have none for me.
Unlike Jesus, I have no compassion for the compassion-less, as they, like Republicans, have none for me.
2
Not much empathy there. You should get out and meet some Republicans. We're not all Dick Cheney clones, believe it or not.
3
"Give me a string bean I'm a hungry man"
A shortgun fired and away I ran
I don't blame them too much though
They didn't know me.
Bob Dylan
A shortgun fired and away I ran
I don't blame them too much though
They didn't know me.
Bob Dylan
1
Solidarity based on a common economic interest would be even better than empathy, I think. It certainly is a costly missing link between Americans in 2015.
Short answer: follow Pope Francis' example.
That guy walks the walk.
God bless him!
That guy walks the walk.
God bless him!
3
This is an important and thoughtful column. In addition to increasing empathy in individuals, we need to look at the economic system that causes the problems.
4
Empathy is pretty much the opposite of the "rugged individualism" brand of capitalism espoused in these pages and throughout the mass media.
"Wealth may also turn us inward."
Narcissism, endemic among the rich, turns people "inward". The 1% are a pathological bunch, engorged with narcissism and obsessed with gaining more and more superfluous wealth without regard to the effects of this obsession on the rest of humanity, in the hopes that they will find happiness.
To those who think that more wealth and power will bring them happiness, I have a two word reply: Dick Cheney.
"Wealth may also turn us inward."
Narcissism, endemic among the rich, turns people "inward". The 1% are a pathological bunch, engorged with narcissism and obsessed with gaining more and more superfluous wealth without regard to the effects of this obsession on the rest of humanity, in the hopes that they will find happiness.
To those who think that more wealth and power will bring them happiness, I have a two word reply: Dick Cheney.
5
I admire the sentiment. Travel abroad and see the disparities. But one could save a lot of airfare and just go volunteer in your local inner city or rural public school. With more than 50% of kids in the US now living in poverty, even the suburbs are no longer immune. Go eat a free and reduce priced lunch with a group of third graders, talk to them about their lives. See that there is nothing they have done to set themselves up for a life of hardship and challenges.
4
Nick Kristof asks an essential question - how do we cultivate and inspire empathy? Like all learned beliefs and behaviors it is crucial to start young. For over 20 years, Peace First has been working in schools around the globe teaching the critical skills of peacemaking - which combines empathy for others and the commitment to put that into practice through service and crossing boundaries. We tend to look at young people as problems to fix or victims to protect.
In fact, young people are not only hard-wired for empathy, but hungry for models and validation and inspiration on how to put it into practice. There are amazing young people all over the globe who are doing the vital work of bringing people together across difference, comforting strangers, and building a cultural counter-weight to the culture of violence we are so steeped in. We are beginning to collect and recognize these stories as essential to building a better world.
Check out: www.peacefirst.org.
In fact, young people are not only hard-wired for empathy, but hungry for models and validation and inspiration on how to put it into practice. There are amazing young people all over the globe who are doing the vital work of bringing people together across difference, comforting strangers, and building a cultural counter-weight to the culture of violence we are so steeped in. We are beginning to collect and recognize these stories as essential to building a better world.
Check out: www.peacefirst.org.
6
Having empathy is not supposed to impede one's ability to also observe one's reason for the suffering or poor outcome.
Empathy is being able to relate to and feel compassion for others. But then what? "I feel your pain, have a nice day"?
No. Most Americans are pragmatic. If they see suffering or poor outcomes they want to diagnose the causes and propose solutions. Not feel good solutions, but effective solutions. Tough love, can, and sometimes is, the way to improve the lives of folks we empathize with. Be it our own children, our siblings, our friends, a disadvantage group.
Sometimes you need to resist the empathetic urge to give someone money or poor, to, instead, teach them how to grow food or make money on their own. Even when that produces a little bit more short term pain.
Empathy yes. Enablement of what perpetuates poor outcomes no. Effective solutions yes. That is, I believe, where most Americans are.
Empathy is being able to relate to and feel compassion for others. But then what? "I feel your pain, have a nice day"?
No. Most Americans are pragmatic. If they see suffering or poor outcomes they want to diagnose the causes and propose solutions. Not feel good solutions, but effective solutions. Tough love, can, and sometimes is, the way to improve the lives of folks we empathize with. Be it our own children, our siblings, our friends, a disadvantage group.
Sometimes you need to resist the empathetic urge to give someone money or poor, to, instead, teach them how to grow food or make money on their own. Even when that produces a little bit more short term pain.
Empathy yes. Enablement of what perpetuates poor outcomes no. Effective solutions yes. That is, I believe, where most Americans are.
7
Our value of and belief in rugged individualism leads us to forget we are part of a larger whole, inseparable from all that is around us. We view nature as something apart from us, but we are animals in nature too.
The trending of mindfulness meditation is good news, as those practices, when practiced consistently, will open the heart to others quite naturally. The me-first, in-your-face attitudes in our culture don't even benefit those who hold them. One current spiritual leader posed the question: we always ask "What about me?" but what if we turned that around and every day asked, "What about you?"
All these people who claim to be spiritual in our culture, yet disdain those who suffer, need deeply to re-examine how their own views clash with the very teachings they purport to follow.
The trending of mindfulness meditation is good news, as those practices, when practiced consistently, will open the heart to others quite naturally. The me-first, in-your-face attitudes in our culture don't even benefit those who hold them. One current spiritual leader posed the question: we always ask "What about me?" but what if we turned that around and every day asked, "What about you?"
All these people who claim to be spiritual in our culture, yet disdain those who suffer, need deeply to re-examine how their own views clash with the very teachings they purport to follow.
4
Hmmm.
It seems Kristof means "How Do We Increase Empathy Without Becoming Christians".
I see a lot of dodgy sort of articles that do a hard mining job for spiritual gifts that are part and parcel of Christianity - and the mining always goes everywhere except Christianity. Psychiatrists, professors, politics, income levels, possession, class status - Anywhere except Christianity!
If we want to increase empathy we should become Christians. Only then does race or income or education or intelligence or looks or personality cease to be sources of envy and jealousy - the ultimate in equality, and a clear understanding that we are all rather weak versions of God's vision for us.
It seems Kristof means "How Do We Increase Empathy Without Becoming Christians".
I see a lot of dodgy sort of articles that do a hard mining job for spiritual gifts that are part and parcel of Christianity - and the mining always goes everywhere except Christianity. Psychiatrists, professors, politics, income levels, possession, class status - Anywhere except Christianity!
If we want to increase empathy we should become Christians. Only then does race or income or education or intelligence or looks or personality cease to be sources of envy and jealousy - the ultimate in equality, and a clear understanding that we are all rather weak versions of God's vision for us.
5
This could not be further from the truth. Empathy is not infused in a person because of religious training, and often those most un-empathic consider themselves "good Christians" because they go to church, and then go right back to their greedy and selfish lives. Moral training has more to do with parents modeling goodness, religious or not. I believe there have also been studies showing Atheists have more compassion.
11
Rhoda, it is your comment that is far from the truth. It is an oxymoron to condemn Christians for "not being Christian". Furthermore it is a relationship with God, not religious training, which only shows that going to church does not necessarily make you Christian. And as the Good Samaritan story shows, the real Christians are those who do God's will - whatever they may profess. There are very many atheists who, like the good Samaritan, actually do God's will rather than profess it, and very many professing Christian who are anything but.
It still stands. If want to increase empathy, we should cut the bull and become Christian.
It still stands. If want to increase empathy, we should cut the bull and become Christian.
3
Cultivating empathy requires you to see another person as yourself, not as different or as another. Empathy reflects your ability to connect to, and feel the emotions of, that other person as if it were yourself. The reason that meditation, prayer, and other forms of contemplation increase empathy is that they help us to diminish a strong form of self-identification. The question that Kristof leads up to -- but doesn't ask -- is whether compassion and empathy are truly the same thing. Kristof uses the terms interchangeably, but we might ask whether those in need are best served by empathy or compassion.
2
The studies you cite can NOT be downloaded.
I believe that reading and reflecting on literary fiction can - if you let it - provide a very strong moral education, better in many ways than parental dictates.
Also, in this ostensibly "Christian nation," we might do well to put aside our insatiable taste for (self-)righteous punishment when we witness wrongdoing, remembering the words of English martyr John Bradford: "There but for the grace of God go I."
Also, in this ostensibly "Christian nation," we might do well to put aside our insatiable taste for (self-)righteous punishment when we witness wrongdoing, remembering the words of English martyr John Bradford: "There but for the grace of God go I."
4
Every time I pat myself on the back for acting in an empathetic manner, I am reminded of all the times I didn't act in an empathetic manner.
1
We are fast becoming a Tale of Two Countries - the haves and the have-nots.
I often feel that so many people rarely appreciate or consider their incredible good fortune in the "Birth Lottery" - our purely random luck in being born Who, What, When and Where we were upon entering this world.
There's very little most of us can do to solve this great and growing divide between the fortunate and those much less so except on a one-to-one basis of sorts.
My attempt to "Pay it Back" by "Paying it Forward" is as a volunteer math tutor to disadvantaged youngsters. You may very well do it in an equally helpful and important way. And i'll share a secret with you; you'll receive infinitely more back than you'll give. To me, Volunteerism is the most ennobled form of selfishness for this very reason.
I often feel that so many people rarely appreciate or consider their incredible good fortune in the "Birth Lottery" - our purely random luck in being born Who, What, When and Where we were upon entering this world.
There's very little most of us can do to solve this great and growing divide between the fortunate and those much less so except on a one-to-one basis of sorts.
My attempt to "Pay it Back" by "Paying it Forward" is as a volunteer math tutor to disadvantaged youngsters. You may very well do it in an equally helpful and important way. And i'll share a secret with you; you'll receive infinitely more back than you'll give. To me, Volunteerism is the most ennobled form of selfishness for this very reason.
4
Amazingly, the author never mentions the ever growing wave of social detachment facilitated by technology, especially since the summation of the article is "social experience increases empathy". I am taken aback by the recent and utter lack of interaction between people in public places, and I am under the age of 40. Simply put, get your head out of the phone and look at the world around you, and maybe you'll care more about it.
14
I became more emphatic when someone (my husband who has always been more empathetic than I) pointed out to me that other people do not think like me. For example, I would say what I would do -- or would not do -- if I were poor, which is kind of blaming. But I have to realize that my thinking is different -- I'm an educated middle class woman, and so my thinking, my logic, my wherewithall, is different.
34
There are those who believe that empathy is not necessarily valuable in all cases. A business book by Chin-Ning Chu, "Thick Face, Black Heart," argues that it is incumbent upon leaders of organizations to repress their natural tendencies toward empathy. The army general, the author argues, cannot worry about the lives of the individual soldiers. I do not wish to argue against empathy, of which there certainly seems to be a shortage in the world, but only to suggest that the subject can be complicated.
2
I would argue that Chin-Ning Chu is wrong, and that the tendency of business leaders to think that way is a large part of what is wrong with society right now. Yes, a lack of empathy will help to drive the business relentlessly toward maximizing the next quarterly earnings report, but in the long term it will damage the company by undermining employee morale and loyalty, increasing training costs, and decreasing customer satisfaction and loyalty. As to the general, if he does not worry about the lives of his soldiers, good luck getting them to give him their all in battle. Also, if we take increasing empathy to the logical end-goal, war would no longer be necessary.
4
In an interview with Neil Gaiman in The Guardian, he said "Books are little empathy factories," and pointed out that it is hard to hate someone who is different after reading a book by or about that person.
I just read All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. I've been thinking for days now about the plight of people caught up in war, how terrible it is, and thinking of ways to end war and violence in the world.
I just read All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. I've been thinking for days now about the plight of people caught up in war, how terrible it is, and thinking of ways to end war and violence in the world.
3
My suggestion for increasing empathy is very simple. I would make it a prerequisite for a college degree to spend a few months - from a summer break up to an entire semester - helping in communities that need help, either in the US or abroad.
I expect that in some this could foster resentment. But I strongly believe than in most, it would foster understanding - the kind of understanding that comes with first-hand personal experience.
I expect that in some this could foster resentment. But I strongly believe than in most, it would foster understanding - the kind of understanding that comes with first-hand personal experience.
2
Right out of college, over twenty five years ago now, I went on a program for a summer that was like a "mini Peace Corps." We were dispatched to a community in Michoacan, Mexico where the bus dropped us off and we walked into an unmarked forest to homes that could be called shacks. There were few places with running water and only one where we could take showers a couple days a week, unlike my usual every day. We (four Americans, some in high school) were there to build latrines. When we left, only the foundations for the latrines were built and were overgrown when I went back to visit. However, to this day, almost daily I remember what it was like to live without water and to eat only what was grown in the area (delicious pears among them). I conserve water, appreciate the unbelievable amount of food from all over the world in my grocery store, support food pantries, and better understand the community support for the drug cartels that have sadly overrun the Michoacan country side. The latrines we built were failures; the life-long lesson I learned about empathy was not.
9
Read Harry Overstreet's book The Mature Mind. He writes that unless we gain sympathy and empathy for our fellow human beings as we age we will be big kids with a lot of power. I think we can see that played out on the world stage and our own locales.
4
Relevant, important and courageous editorial. Thank you!
2
"Selfishness must always be forgiven, you know, because there is no hope of a cure."
- Jane Austen
Realize we are all in this together; be grateful for what you have; give and forgive.
- Jane Austen
Realize we are all in this together; be grateful for what you have; give and forgive.
3
Maddening to have to belabor the need for empathy and kindness. For those not inspired to help others, be it hard-wiring or selfishness, lets move the conversation to problem-solving. Can the US put forward a cohesive framework to lower poverty long term? In the simplest of terms, poor children lead to poor outcomes and a diminished country . . . .for all.
2
The short window for comments means you get a lot of gut reactions, not thoughtful ones. This will shifts the nature of the comments and drives a lot of the internet. One reason the internet is an unpleasant place is the amount of time compression. Being in a rush tends to depress empathy. I'd like to help but I can't now.
Mr Kristof isn't the only one to watch an old friend self destruct, or be slowly ground down, or face an unjust and early death. But, there are a lot of holes in his story. Why did his relationship fail? Why did she demand child support if she knew he had nothing? It is very clear that others who weren't so sympathetic, not just your readers.
I tell my children to never underestimate the importance of luck. If you don't have enough nothing will help, if you have a lot nothing else is needed.
There are also mistakes that you just cannot come back from. Not just taking up drugs, but not paying attention and lifting with your back instead of your knees, or twisting instead of stepping, or not picking up that tool. And you've hurt your back and there is no coming back from that. Old Ben Franklin was right, for the want of a nail ...
My mistake was staying home to take care of my kids, being a stay at home dad is not forgiven in our society. It's hard to be empathetic when you are bitter yourself.
Mr Kristof isn't the only one to watch an old friend self destruct, or be slowly ground down, or face an unjust and early death. But, there are a lot of holes in his story. Why did his relationship fail? Why did she demand child support if she knew he had nothing? It is very clear that others who weren't so sympathetic, not just your readers.
I tell my children to never underestimate the importance of luck. If you don't have enough nothing will help, if you have a lot nothing else is needed.
There are also mistakes that you just cannot come back from. Not just taking up drugs, but not paying attention and lifting with your back instead of your knees, or twisting instead of stepping, or not picking up that tool. And you've hurt your back and there is no coming back from that. Old Ben Franklin was right, for the want of a nail ...
My mistake was staying home to take care of my kids, being a stay at home dad is not forgiven in our society. It's hard to be empathetic when you are bitter yourself.
2
Yet another column from Nick Kristof, where he delivers a not-so-subtle reminder that Nick Kristof is a better person than I am.
Fine, Nick Kristof, you win. I admit it - though I am a left-of-center democrat, I don't spend very much time worrying about Darfur-type-situations, and I don't care that much about your friend. You have called me out. I realize that I am less empathetic than you, and that is my character. So what do you want from me?
If people like me were more empathetic, what would that change? How could we have helped your friend? In the Kevin article, you say "I have trouble diagnosing just what went wrong... but the lack of good jobs was central to it."
So that's about it for policy prescriptions - we need more jobs for people like Kevin. You know what? I agree. EVERYBODY does. And this is a VERY complicated economic problem to solve in our rapidly changing society, and nobody really knows the answer (even if they profess to). Having more "empathy" is not a panacea.
In the meantime, you need to accept that people who are less empathetic than you are people too, and you are not better than them.
Fine, Nick Kristof, you win. I admit it - though I am a left-of-center democrat, I don't spend very much time worrying about Darfur-type-situations, and I don't care that much about your friend. You have called me out. I realize that I am less empathetic than you, and that is my character. So what do you want from me?
If people like me were more empathetic, what would that change? How could we have helped your friend? In the Kevin article, you say "I have trouble diagnosing just what went wrong... but the lack of good jobs was central to it."
So that's about it for policy prescriptions - we need more jobs for people like Kevin. You know what? I agree. EVERYBODY does. And this is a VERY complicated economic problem to solve in our rapidly changing society, and nobody really knows the answer (even if they profess to). Having more "empathy" is not a panacea.
In the meantime, you need to accept that people who are less empathetic than you are people too, and you are not better than them.
6
If you're really interested in the topic of empathy, you might want to take Dacher Keltner's course "The Science of Happiness". It is a free, online course (provided by Edx) that he leads. And, it's excellent -- comprehensive and intensive!
For info see: https://www.edx.org/course/science-happiness-uc-berkeleyx-gg101x#.VMpnOi...
For info see: https://www.edx.org/course/science-happiness-uc-berkeleyx-gg101x#.VMpnOi...
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful article.
I am a retired social worker who worked in public health with people who were homeless and had many physical, mental, and/or addiction issues, people just like your friend who died at age 54.
People don't choose to be born with behavioral health issues, they don't choose their parents or their environments.
If everyone could, just for a moment, walk in another's shoes, we could improve our level of empathy, and improve the quality of life for our most vulnerable citizens. Please try.
I am a retired social worker who worked in public health with people who were homeless and had many physical, mental, and/or addiction issues, people just like your friend who died at age 54.
People don't choose to be born with behavioral health issues, they don't choose their parents or their environments.
If everyone could, just for a moment, walk in another's shoes, we could improve our level of empathy, and improve the quality of life for our most vulnerable citizens. Please try.
3
Fr Gregory Boyle of Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles has much to say on this. For Boyle, it's a matter of expanding our circle of kinship so that no one stands outside. Homeboy Industries is the largest and most successful gang intervention program in the world. Watch his talk on Ted.com: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipR0kWt1Fkc.
3
To re-ask a question about your original column: You're asking me to show empathy for slews of people I don't know, which is reasonable where charitable contributions may be concerned, but not on a one-on-one basis. After all, I know and/or come in contact with only so many people. But from what you implied in your column, you had some ongoing relationship, no matter how tenuous, with the late Mr. Green, so my questions to you, Nick, are these: Where were you during his travails? What actions did you take to alleviate them? What job interviews did you arrange for him? What life advice did you offer him? If none, then my only other question is this: Did Mr. Green's unfortunate (and largely self-imposed) misfortunes manifest themselves only on a postmortum basis as fodder for yet another of your columns evidencing your own great and overpowering sense of self-satisfaction at the altruism and profundity of your thoughts and opinions regarding Suffering Humanity? That may be a hard, possibly even unfair, interpretation of your motive(s) in writing it, but since you seemingly take delight in pointing our the rest of the world's deficiencies in comparison with your own enlightened thought processes, it is a question needing some cogitation and response.
8
Most really wealthy people create charitable foundations which channel their giving; thus most of their philanthropy will not show on their tax returns. Is this factored in to the research which purports to show a lower giving percentage among the wealthy?
I would also add that most of the really wealthy people I know are incredibly generous with their time and money both. It disturbs me to see this kind of broad-brush class warfare screed.
I would also add that most of the really wealthy people I know are incredibly generous with their time and money both. It disturbs me to see this kind of broad-brush class warfare screed.
3
What are we to make of the fact that, with identical (more or less) roots, Kristoff and his childhood friend came to such hugely different outcomes? To ignore the fact that personal choices along the way had no impact is to deny self determination. Are we then slaves to the circumstances of our birth? Nick Kristoft himself is proof we are not.
As I once heard, "Luck happens more often when I work hard." I feel strongly that empathy and compassion are virtues, but maybe not when applied without discrimination. I worry we are being encouragedone to adopt a mindset that success is "luck", and lack of success is therefore the lack of luck. Rarely true in my experience.
My guess is values matter. Values instilled by some childhood settings but not others. That would explain the different outcomes between Mr. Kristoff and his childhood friends. A form of luck, I guess. How on earth can that be tweaked by society? And whose job is it? How can it be accomplished without the obvious detractors? Is social pressure valid and acceptable? Is lack of empathy?
As I once heard, "Luck happens more often when I work hard." I feel strongly that empathy and compassion are virtues, but maybe not when applied without discrimination. I worry we are being encouragedone to adopt a mindset that success is "luck", and lack of success is therefore the lack of luck. Rarely true in my experience.
My guess is values matter. Values instilled by some childhood settings but not others. That would explain the different outcomes between Mr. Kristoff and his childhood friends. A form of luck, I guess. How on earth can that be tweaked by society? And whose job is it? How can it be accomplished without the obvious detractors? Is social pressure valid and acceptable? Is lack of empathy?
2
1. Our evolutionary history seems to've given us compassion, a capacity that at least appears to be cjaracteristic of all the higher mammals.
2. If the history we made more or less deliberately shows anything, it's that people support each other. that's what civilization even is. And it's not just out kf the goodness of our hearts: it's because by eeling fir others, we are ourselves felt for.
3. You, me, everybody else, are exactly one car crash, one slip and fall, one serious illness, one stupid decision, away from being pretty much in the same boat as this guy.
To me, the primary reason for the heartless comments isn't heartlessness.
It is fear.
2. If the history we made more or less deliberately shows anything, it's that people support each other. that's what civilization even is. And it's not just out kf the goodness of our hearts: it's because by eeling fir others, we are ourselves felt for.
3. You, me, everybody else, are exactly one car crash, one slip and fall, one serious illness, one stupid decision, away from being pretty much in the same boat as this guy.
To me, the primary reason for the heartless comments isn't heartlessness.
It is fear.
3
I read the column about Kevin. I don't know if anything can be done about America's rampant materialism & narcissism, but what can be done is factual reporting on jobs in America. The economy is good! Jobs are up! No worries! Buy more stuff! But what no one (including NYT) is reporting is what those jobs are. More than likely, they are not full-time jobs with a living wage and health benefits. The upper crust that runs this country is having no opposition as they continue to create a brutal two class system, because no one is revealing what the jobs are and what they pay. It is much more comforting to just believe all is good. All of us, unless you are a billionaire, are responsible for Kevin. The elite class just doesn't care, they don't have to, their plan is working and they will NEVER encounter suffering that isn't their own and in most cases will have lots of money to throw at it to make it go away. We can ignore the Kevin's and pretend he isn't one of us or look at ourselves and what collectively and individually we can do.
3
Great topic, very moving story. Suggest you view Matthieu Ricard's recent 16 minute TED talk on our need for Altruism. You can find it through: http://www.lionsroar.com/watch-matthieu-ricard-says-altruism-solution/
To me, at the core of our society's tragic flaws is the failure to understand that true happiness comes from actively caring for others, not from trying to feed selfish and inherently insatiable cravings for material wealth, status and material power.
Only through what Ricard calls "altruism" and what you call "empathy", aided by mindfully paying attention to life as we experience it, can we create a sustainable human society that is filled with genuine happiness through pursuing a truly fulfilling purpose.
Thank you for your great work in helping us understand what our purpose should be in this world.
To me, at the core of our society's tragic flaws is the failure to understand that true happiness comes from actively caring for others, not from trying to feed selfish and inherently insatiable cravings for material wealth, status and material power.
Only through what Ricard calls "altruism" and what you call "empathy", aided by mindfully paying attention to life as we experience it, can we create a sustainable human society that is filled with genuine happiness through pursuing a truly fulfilling purpose.
Thank you for your great work in helping us understand what our purpose should be in this world.
2
"It is futile to judge a kind deed by its motive. Kindness is its own motive.
We are made kind by being kind." Eric Hoffer
We are made kind by being kind." Eric Hoffer
It is astonishing, but predictable, that Mr. Kristof thinks America lacks empathy even though it sends billions to Africa to fight aids and has welcomed 50 million immigrants, including many with no skills. Maybe Mr. Kristof should try empathizing a little more himself. Instead of adventuring in Alaska or some other exotic place, why doesn't he try serve meals in a homeless shelter on a regular basis like Martin Sheen or tutoring African kids like my son does. No wonder Mr. Kristof's Empathy Industry has worn out its welcome.
4
It may have something to do with the fact that if you look at the percentage of GDP and individual income we give, we happen to be one of the cheapskate nations.
It may also have something to do with the way that Americans conveniently forget the way we've exploited immigrants, and that we're all immigrants and the children of immigrants.
It may also have something to do with the way that Americans conveniently forget the way we've exploited immigrants, and that we're all immigrants and the children of immigrants.
2
Since our largesse is widely unappreciated, we should stop all our foreign aid, close our borders and stop wasting our money.
2
To be empathetic one first needs to be compassionate. There is a large percentage of our population here in America that seems to be lacking in compassion. I'm reminded of a long ago political cartoon that appeared when Barry Goldwater was running for president. It showed him speaking to an impoverished woman and child sitting in a dooway. He's saying something like, "If you had any initiatve you'd go out and inherit a department store."
We need more compassion.
We need more compassion.
4
Mr. Kristof, you're fighting a losing battle. Even the courts agree that human life is cheap. Here in west Michigan, a man driving under the influence of both drugs and alcohol kills a woman. It was only his fiance, so he's given one-year probation. Killing or seriously injuring someone when running a red light or stop-sign is a misdemeanor; you might spend a year in prison. But steal several thousand dollars-- that's four years in prison.
2
There are people who can imagine what it is like to be in someone else's shoes and those who can't.
1
Buillding empathy requires more than writing a check (although the cash is important).
If you want to build empathy, people need to "belly up" to the problem, whether it's helping the poor, the homeless, the mentally or physically ill, etc. -- the earlier in life people get involved with the faces and realities of people with problems the more likely they are to identify those suffering as real people (not some abstraction).
And, BTW, people don't need to leave the US to find people that need help -- we have plenty of need to meet at home.
If you want to build empathy, people need to "belly up" to the problem, whether it's helping the poor, the homeless, the mentally or physically ill, etc. -- the earlier in life people get involved with the faces and realities of people with problems the more likely they are to identify those suffering as real people (not some abstraction).
And, BTW, people don't need to leave the US to find people that need help -- we have plenty of need to meet at home.
5
Regarding the inverse correlation between wealth and empathy, I've often wondered: does the possession of wealth shrink ones empathy, or is it one's lack of empathy that enables you to do what's necessary [insert unethical but highly remunerative behavior here] to accumulate wealth? A large part of the correlation could result from self selection.
2
"How do we increase empathy?" Kristof asks. This question presumes that empathy is some kind of collective resource that "we"--pundits, Times readers, the government?--can manage and control, like oil, electricity, or tax revenue. But empathy is not a resource; it is an intuition or an expression of identity with someone else, usually in a moment of suffering. Schopenhauer claimed that compassion is a metaphysical realization. This kind of intuition should not be treated as a collective resource that "we" manage. It should be left alone. If Kristof wants to increase taxation in order to strengthen the safety net, create jobs, and provide employment training, let him argue for these things. I do not want any collective--any"we"--to attempt to control what and how anyone feels about anything. That's a profoundly illiberal ambition.
2
Your points about the draft have some validity, but the purpose of a standing army is defense of the nation. The current volunteer army is the best trained, most professional fighting force we have ever produced. No longer is time wasted with people who are either unable or unwilling to learn. This army is the "best bang for the buck" and our senior army officers have no interest at all in a return to conscripted service, nor does the majority of the public.
1
I think empathy is a combination of genetics and environment. I was an abused only child, had no pets, saw no examples of charitable or empathetic actions from my parents, and had low self esteem. I looked at the more emotionally fortunate around me for my role models of what I should be when I grew up. I have lived most of my life one paycheck from poverty, though have had some periods of moderate wealth. But I never see a sick person, a needy person, an injured animal, a downtrodden soul, without thinking, "there, but for the grace of god, go I." And now I AM that poverty stricken person with all of the emotional baggage that goes with it. But I remember the excerpt from Desiderata -- there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself. And it allows me to count the riches of my life and to share whenever I am able with those lesser. Would that we could all focus less on ourselves, and do what we can to alleviate the suffering of others. I used to ask my dad how he was in his latter years when he was stricken with bone cancer and lived daily in excruciating pain. He would reply, "I woke up this morning, so it must be a good day." I woke up this morning, and I have two children and two beautiful grandchildren. It must be a good day, and I will do what I can to make someone else's day better.
4
I imagine the decrease in our society's overall level of empathy could be due to the detachment caused by the advent and overuse of computers, cellphones, and other devices that remove us from actual human interaction.
4
I so appreciate your columns on empathy and Kevin Green.
One of the big problems in our country, which all of us are faced with on a daily basis, is the sad fact that so many people are obese. The extra weight lends itself to lesser movement and a more sedentary lifestyle. And...a more difficult time in gaining employment, unless one has an exceptional skill area. I admit it, when I had a small business, if two people applied for the same position with similar skills and backgrounds and one was in great shape and well groomed, I always hired this person over the obese job applicant. No amount of legislation would change my mind.
As I age, my empathy has increased a hundred fold, but when it comes to the bottom line, my empathy has limits. Sad but true. In the end, we all must be accountable for our own actions and outcomes.
One of the big problems in our country, which all of us are faced with on a daily basis, is the sad fact that so many people are obese. The extra weight lends itself to lesser movement and a more sedentary lifestyle. And...a more difficult time in gaining employment, unless one has an exceptional skill area. I admit it, when I had a small business, if two people applied for the same position with similar skills and backgrounds and one was in great shape and well groomed, I always hired this person over the obese job applicant. No amount of legislation would change my mind.
As I age, my empathy has increased a hundred fold, but when it comes to the bottom line, my empathy has limits. Sad but true. In the end, we all must be accountable for our own actions and outcomes.
2
I am glad Mr. Kristof stays the course in emphasizing the need for empathy and how to cultivate it. The first thing at the minimum required is, to accept that everyone needs to do our part. Like when the last article on, Kevin Green, was posted, at the minimum, cane we not give our one silent minute of our precious time otherwise (so we think) to the departed soul? This will at least be a starting point that will take us further.
1
I think the discussion of empathy (or the lack of it) would be more helpfully robust by including its evil twin, moral hazard. I know a highly educated, well informed and extremely analytical home owner who admitted, during the mortgage crisis that he would rather see his own home equity drop, than witness an undeserving home owner get a bailout. By "undeserving", he meant, as example, someone who had cashed in and refinanced their equity to finance vacations they could not afford.
It pains me to admit it, but every person I know, including a startling number of family members, who has received certain benefits, especially disability or subsidized housing, has gamed the system in some dishonest, ethically wrong way.
Unfairness is an early human trait, just like compassion. It seems naive to discuss one without discussing the other. I too want solutions, but this is the stumbling block about which there seems to be a code of liberal silence.
It pains me to admit it, but every person I know, including a startling number of family members, who has received certain benefits, especially disability or subsidized housing, has gamed the system in some dishonest, ethically wrong way.
Unfairness is an early human trait, just like compassion. It seems naive to discuss one without discussing the other. I too want solutions, but this is the stumbling block about which there seems to be a code of liberal silence.
7
Dear Mr. Kristof,
I read Mr. Pinker's book on the "statistical" decline in violence. It seems that since we managed to avoid an Armageddon like WW3, his numbers point to a decline in absolute violence; no longer are we slaughtering millions like we did in WW1 and WW2.
It becomes a bit "murkier' when it viewed on the "street level"; pander the idea of "declining violence" in Detroit or Chicago and one might just be carted off to the nut house.
Basically, the class divisions are already in place with the wealthy keeping the "huddled masses" bottled up in neighborhoods easier for the cops to patrol. The only "empathy" from the likes of the Koch Brothers et. al. will be the use of the word in a cross word puzzle. Otherwise, the word is out that the poor "live like kings" due to government handouts and that "immigration" poses a truly big threat (The Native Americans picked up on that way too late).
"Cuteness" and "empathy" wither and die in the face of untrammeled greed and overwhelming desire to possess "power" either by buying it or buying politicians who will nurture it.
3 numbers to ponder:
a. 36% voter turnout
b. The 1% will own 51% of everything sometime next year
c. 1/2 the members of Congress are millionaires
Seems pretty straightforward to me. Unless "Empathy, Inc." becomes some kind of PAC or lobbying group, the well heeled have no need for it.
And, once more, my sympathies to yourself and the Green family.
I read Mr. Pinker's book on the "statistical" decline in violence. It seems that since we managed to avoid an Armageddon like WW3, his numbers point to a decline in absolute violence; no longer are we slaughtering millions like we did in WW1 and WW2.
It becomes a bit "murkier' when it viewed on the "street level"; pander the idea of "declining violence" in Detroit or Chicago and one might just be carted off to the nut house.
Basically, the class divisions are already in place with the wealthy keeping the "huddled masses" bottled up in neighborhoods easier for the cops to patrol. The only "empathy" from the likes of the Koch Brothers et. al. will be the use of the word in a cross word puzzle. Otherwise, the word is out that the poor "live like kings" due to government handouts and that "immigration" poses a truly big threat (The Native Americans picked up on that way too late).
"Cuteness" and "empathy" wither and die in the face of untrammeled greed and overwhelming desire to possess "power" either by buying it or buying politicians who will nurture it.
3 numbers to ponder:
a. 36% voter turnout
b. The 1% will own 51% of everything sometime next year
c. 1/2 the members of Congress are millionaires
Seems pretty straightforward to me. Unless "Empathy, Inc." becomes some kind of PAC or lobbying group, the well heeled have no need for it.
And, once more, my sympathies to yourself and the Green family.
1
Motivation, whether to help the unfortunate, or to amass wealth, probably has a lot to do with the activity of dopamine circuits in the brain. The wealthy, especially those who are "self-made", get huge dopamine bursts from making money. For others dopamine flows when they work to help others. We know that once you experience a reward from a certain activity, you seek more of it by repeating that activity.
The wealthy, by and large, have brains that have learned to experience rewards from monetary success. Many of them, probably, don't get much of a boost from working to improve others lives. The situation is the reverse for people who have learned get their highs from helping others.
The wealthy, by and large, have brains that have learned to experience rewards from monetary success. Many of them, probably, don't get much of a boost from working to improve others lives. The situation is the reverse for people who have learned get their highs from helping others.
1
'So what do we know about empathy and how to nurture it?' ~ Nicolas Kristof
Evidently not much. As usual, there's a failure to recognise and acknowledge that not all humans are hard wired to be empathetic. Quite the opposite. Roughly 1% of male humans are psychopaths, hard-wired to exploit at every opportunity all other animals that they may encounter, including humans.
Psychopathy and its twin, sociopathy, are at one end of the empathy spectrum. At the other end of the spectrum are the saints. Most humans fall somewhere in the middle. Furthermore, empathy in most of us is not fixed. It oscillates around a middle value, itself a point on the empathy continuum from psycho to saint. How our empathy value oscillates depends primarily upon the subject, but also on our general disposition at a given time and place (feeling cynical and grumpy, sentimental and charitable).
Finally, I don't give much credit to the power of empathy to change the world. 'Empathy' reminds me of another currently fashionable gobbledegook word, 'self-esteem' and yet another - 'respect'. Rather, I believe in the power of pity and in the power of righteous anger to change things for the better. Most of all, I believe in the power of truth, and in the thirst of every good man and woman for justice.
Evidently not much. As usual, there's a failure to recognise and acknowledge that not all humans are hard wired to be empathetic. Quite the opposite. Roughly 1% of male humans are psychopaths, hard-wired to exploit at every opportunity all other animals that they may encounter, including humans.
Psychopathy and its twin, sociopathy, are at one end of the empathy spectrum. At the other end of the spectrum are the saints. Most humans fall somewhere in the middle. Furthermore, empathy in most of us is not fixed. It oscillates around a middle value, itself a point on the empathy continuum from psycho to saint. How our empathy value oscillates depends primarily upon the subject, but also on our general disposition at a given time and place (feeling cynical and grumpy, sentimental and charitable).
Finally, I don't give much credit to the power of empathy to change the world. 'Empathy' reminds me of another currently fashionable gobbledegook word, 'self-esteem' and yet another - 'respect'. Rather, I believe in the power of pity and in the power of righteous anger to change things for the better. Most of all, I believe in the power of truth, and in the thirst of every good man and woman for justice.
4
According to my sister, who is a clinical psychologist, sociopaths are frequently found in the prison system, having channeled their unchecked aggressive impulses into violence. Sociopaths are also prominent in the business and political spheres. These people take advantage of opportunities unavailable to the lower classes and while the results are less violent, they are no less destructive.
3
I find nothing surprising in any of the studies mentioned. It would appear that there is good reason why there was enough empathy in the 1950s and 1960s to support the radical changes that occurred. It was not until the tax codes were changed to create the vast disparity in wealth we now see that America began to become hard hearted.
While it would not be a good idea to try to grow empathy by taxing the rich it might be possible to encourage it by no longer applauding the rich. We do so much to send the message that rich people are better than poor people. That is our mistake.
We can change that.
While it would not be a good idea to try to grow empathy by taxing the rich it might be possible to encourage it by no longer applauding the rich. We do so much to send the message that rich people are better than poor people. That is our mistake.
We can change that.
9
"Above all, let’s remember that compassion and rationality are not effete markers of weakness, but signs of civilization." --- Kristof
It's been said that the mark of a truly civilized people is how its poorest members are treated: that they receive the help they need and are not left to fend for themselves in an uncaring society. We're far from being totally uncaring, but we've slipped away from what in retrospect seems like a more caring, compassionate society that prevailed in the 1950-1980 period (with some notable exceptions: discrimination against blacks and the Vietnam War). Now, we have a would-be president talking about the 47 percent of us who are "moochers," and we increasingly have an attitude among the better off that it's their own fault that the poor are so poor.
But people forget how important the randomness of birth is in determining our individual futures. If we're born into a wealthy family, we'll have access to all kinds of privileges that the poor could only dream about: private schools, Harvard University, a high-paying professional career, etc. A poor child can expect possible malnourishment from not enough to eat (or eating the wrong things), lack of an environment that supports education and the schools, and neighborhoods that often aren't safe and where peers denigrate attempts to better oneself.
And now we have one entire party and part of another that will talk about the middle class but entirely ignore the most unfortunate among us.
It's been said that the mark of a truly civilized people is how its poorest members are treated: that they receive the help they need and are not left to fend for themselves in an uncaring society. We're far from being totally uncaring, but we've slipped away from what in retrospect seems like a more caring, compassionate society that prevailed in the 1950-1980 period (with some notable exceptions: discrimination against blacks and the Vietnam War). Now, we have a would-be president talking about the 47 percent of us who are "moochers," and we increasingly have an attitude among the better off that it's their own fault that the poor are so poor.
But people forget how important the randomness of birth is in determining our individual futures. If we're born into a wealthy family, we'll have access to all kinds of privileges that the poor could only dream about: private schools, Harvard University, a high-paying professional career, etc. A poor child can expect possible malnourishment from not enough to eat (or eating the wrong things), lack of an environment that supports education and the schools, and neighborhoods that often aren't safe and where peers denigrate attempts to better oneself.
And now we have one entire party and part of another that will talk about the middle class but entirely ignore the most unfortunate among us.
6
Empathy is part of liberal beliefs. Who deserves empathy depends on the facts. Sometimes the facts are ambiguous, in Ferguson for example. Intelligent people could differ over what happened just as the witnesses did. Yet every liberal I know reached the same conclusion. It became a litmus test. The problem is that empathy has become politicized, and too many of us are guided by our beliefs rather than the facts.
4
Empathy does not depend on 'the facts'. Your comment is an example of the lack of empathy in U.S. culture today. Empathy does not emerge through the path of logical decision making. Empathy is tied to direct experience of emotion about, with, and for other human beings.
4
But do we really know the facts in this case?
1
It seems to me that one reason for lack of empathy is the lack of cultural mixing in our society, particularly at an early age. We are culturally (as well as racially) segregated by neighborhood, school district, and college and as adults we segregate ourselves into groups like ourselves by where we live, socialize, and worship. This process was accelerated by the elimination of the draft. While far from perfect, it did throw together citizens from all walks of life into a common experience (as well as increase resistance to unnecessary wars). A universal service requirement for all citizens (no exceptions) right after high school, with military and other service options, would go a long way toward exposing us to the full range of our fellow citizens and helping us see others as like ourselves.
3
Although I do not share the columnist's positive view of Pinker's book, I do find the observations on the effect of literature on empathy interesting, if not necessarily soundly proven. The study of literature in our schools and universities has declined as STEM courses have been given more emphasis. Apparently, literature is too soft and impractical in our techie competitive age. As the primacy of special effects over complex story telling in our most popular movies attest. As we make virtual reality more "real", we lose our connection to real reality.
4
"How do we increase empathy?"
I was struck by the column on Kevin, your life long friend with his passing at a relatively young age and the hardships he encountered in his life.
While reading I was sad for your loss, Nick, and compassionate for his other friends and family.
So, now reflecting on your question I have never considered empathy as quantifiable or something that can be increased or lessened.
Trying to walk in another person's shoes, helps to make me aware
as recently with donating and distributing sleeping bags for many of the homeless in the streets of Seattle.
Still I am perplexed with trying to pinpoint the answer to the unknowable.
I was struck by the column on Kevin, your life long friend with his passing at a relatively young age and the hardships he encountered in his life.
While reading I was sad for your loss, Nick, and compassionate for his other friends and family.
So, now reflecting on your question I have never considered empathy as quantifiable or something that can be increased or lessened.
Trying to walk in another person's shoes, helps to make me aware
as recently with donating and distributing sleeping bags for many of the homeless in the streets of Seattle.
Still I am perplexed with trying to pinpoint the answer to the unknowable.
2
Last month I encountered a woman carrying an infant near the Post Office. She was holding a small sign that said "Unemployed with four children. Looking for help and compassion." I gave her a zip-lock bag containing water, protein snacks, and other essential items, including a list of nearby resources where should could get help. I did not give her money, but in hindsight wished that I had. When I posted my experience on Facebook, the predominant reaction of my "friends" was not empathetic but judgmental: "She shouldn't have had so many kids;" "Give beggars a hand up, not a hand out." (Just what, exactly, do we think an appropriate "hand up" should be for a woman with an infant begging at a post office?) Passing judgement is one way we fortify the insulation of our comfort zones. When we are able to see each person, regardless of their circumstances or choices, as a human being worthy of our empathy and compassion instead of scornful judgement, then our "civil society" may finally become civil.
8
I'm all for increasing empathy, but linking it to Steven Pinker's book, Angels of Our Better Nature, and referring to his book as "excellent" is a poor start. For example: http://truth-out.org/opinion/item/16880-the-case-of-the-brutal-savage-po...
It is encouraging to know that, at least sometimes, the arts (DeLillo's and Munro's literature), beauty in nature and "feelings of awe such as generated by incredible images from space" can "boost empathy." Maybe aesthetics, art and beauty, isn't as weightless as thought by many.
5
I wonder if Mr. Kristof is feeling a little guilty that he did not display enough personal empathy toward his self-professed buddy. After all, we knew nothing of his buddy until Mr. Kristof issued a call to empathy following Mr. Green's demise. Was Mr. Kristof a model of empathy himself? Did he repeatedly come to Mr. Green's aid over the years as the seemingly unconquerable obstacles continued to beset his buddy?
Mr. Kristof has reported on the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune from every corner of the Earth. Did he take the time to fly into Portland once in a while to console Mr. Green?
Empathy starts at home, Mr. Kristof. In this case home is Yamhill, Oregon.
Mr. Kristof has reported on the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune from every corner of the Earth. Did he take the time to fly into Portland once in a while to console Mr. Green?
Empathy starts at home, Mr. Kristof. In this case home is Yamhill, Oregon.
8
Regrettably when it 'hits home', where you can then relate to another's misfortune or situation. Or by visiting/living in a less [economically] foreign country where you are exposed to many necessities, or... by being a responsible adult/parent when the opportunity arises and making a person "see" the unfortunateness of others.
1
When one brave kid moves to help a person in need, his fellow kids say, "I can do it better" and will assist the brave one. They had a reason to do it, it felt good afterwards, and that is the only lesson one requires to do that for the rest of one's life. I had the great honor of having money once and in places like New York City, I approached the homeless and gave a 20, but I learned not to do that often. One man eating a doughnut from a garbage can in Grand Central screamed, "No, No!" and ran away. Many police officers are, behind the mask, that type of helping person. To examine deeply the reasons why will lead to the unhelpful conclusion that it is done only to make oneself feel better. Spirituality lives in a small window between that feeling and the acceptance of selflessness as transcendent. This is my real world church, and the reason I abhor anything dressed in robes that would judge me.
3
The problem begins - as so many things do - with religion. Parts of our country are dominated by a very conservative form of Protestantism. These denominations evolved from the teachings of John Calvin. This, in turn, has led to a highly distorted notion of the teachings of Christ while enabling a massive sense of entitlement for the very wealthy in our time.
Calvin's teachings turned centuries of Catholic dogma about compassion for the poor on its ear. Calvinism posits that the wealthy are where they are because God has decided that they are worthy. You are wealthy because you worked hard and therefore have "earned" all that God has bestowed. This "Protestant work ethic" helped to create the massive sense of "rugged individualism" that has permeated the American psyche. It is particularly dominant today in areas where conservative Christianity dominates.
Calvin's vision of Christianity can easily be perverted into a justification for massive abandonment of social justice. A hard-heartedness that many Catholics find impossible to square with Christianity. That is what I believe is what is happening here.
Calvin's teachings turned centuries of Catholic dogma about compassion for the poor on its ear. Calvinism posits that the wealthy are where they are because God has decided that they are worthy. You are wealthy because you worked hard and therefore have "earned" all that God has bestowed. This "Protestant work ethic" helped to create the massive sense of "rugged individualism" that has permeated the American psyche. It is particularly dominant today in areas where conservative Christianity dominates.
Calvin's vision of Christianity can easily be perverted into a justification for massive abandonment of social justice. A hard-heartedness that many Catholics find impossible to square with Christianity. That is what I believe is what is happening here.
25
Great comment. Add the reality that Irish Catholicism, not unknown in America, was/is infused with Jansenism, which I view as a Catholic form of Calvinism.
3
Great insights into the reality of culture, wealth and politics related to religion in this country, especially in the south. Having traveled and lived abroad for many years, I have found the kindest were those with the least amount of money, especially in Buddhist areas of the Himalayas.
Today when I work in seasonal, three-month long jobs as a senior, especially during Christmas season, I find the most generous people to give tips for good service are middle class with families. The ones who drive up in their Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, or even Rolls Royce, were the last to give tips of any kind. I often shake my head in disbelief but those with the most are often the last to share.
Today when I work in seasonal, three-month long jobs as a senior, especially during Christmas season, I find the most generous people to give tips for good service are middle class with families. The ones who drive up in their Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, or even Rolls Royce, were the last to give tips of any kind. I often shake my head in disbelief but those with the most are often the last to share.
6
The Jansenists predominate in the Netherlands where the Reformed Church was once the state church.
I grew up steeped in Reformed and Presbyterian doctrine. The teaching of Calvin is not that God rewards you because you are but that he makes you worthy to receive his blessing. But the earnings are not yours. They belong to God and are to be used to provide God's blessing to others through the creation of jobs and charity. Another view of that is from Luther who posited that God still is providing for His people and that people are His hands and feet, that we are a mask that God wears. It's notable that so many of the missionaries providing not only the Gospel to the world are also providers of health care and food as well as teaching. Not only the scholastic but teaching peopel to feed and care for themselves so they no longer depend on other people but on God alone. The seven generations of Scudders in India, Dr Livingstone, Dr. Schweitzer, Eric Liddel and others are examples of the many Presbyterian and Dutch missionaries.
I grew up steeped in Reformed and Presbyterian doctrine. The teaching of Calvin is not that God rewards you because you are but that he makes you worthy to receive his blessing. But the earnings are not yours. They belong to God and are to be used to provide God's blessing to others through the creation of jobs and charity. Another view of that is from Luther who posited that God still is providing for His people and that people are His hands and feet, that we are a mask that God wears. It's notable that so many of the missionaries providing not only the Gospel to the world are also providers of health care and food as well as teaching. Not only the scholastic but teaching peopel to feed and care for themselves so they no longer depend on other people but on God alone. The seven generations of Scudders in India, Dr Livingstone, Dr. Schweitzer, Eric Liddel and others are examples of the many Presbyterian and Dutch missionaries.
4
It must start at the top...Teaching the young at our top universities that are going into business schools - manufacturing empathy as a key ingredient in the moral frame work of a business. The empathy coefficient is missing in todays young that are reaching for big profits in business. This new "me me me" ethos they learn in business schools, and many other professions especially marketing trickles down to all of us through social media and the cable new networks producing a empathy vacuum .......if you ask most young people the definition of empathy, you get the shrug.... I do not see much hope on the horizon however....big money is everywhere and reading is on its way out...
4
Not possible as long as we cling to our "civil religion" which is Calvinistic.. thanks to founding fathers. Being "chosen" as "Americans" we are taught, is antithetical to feeling empathy for the disadvantaged among us.. vis a vis their "celestial dispensation" of being "not chosen." Our core belief system is simply that... resisting the urge to share one's fortune with the less-fortunate. One of it's chief "messiahs" IE Ronald Regan... said it for the "faithful"... that "no one should expect their neighbor to help them fulfill their needs. Our civil religion controverts any spiritual-based notion that we were put here to "love people and use things" ... to the contrary, our society is based on the opposite social construct of using people to get more things. To reject the "love of things" renders one un-American. Thus, we are not "all in this together." Until we reject our "Civil Religion" empathy cannot be an American value.
4
I've never heard of Calvinism teaching that we can know who are the unpredestined. In reality everyone one is predestined to something whether good or bad. for those into double predestination. Instead everyone is to be treated as God's chosen. I think some here confusing predestination to salvation with wealth. Salvation is available to all until their last breath.
2
@NYHugonot: Apparently many know it themselves, and proclaim it, especially those who yearn for their Rapture.
1
Yesterday on the way out of the grocery store, there was a woman hunched over, walking step by struggled step up a ramp. The melting snow was about to drip on her head, I walked beyond and turned to watch. Each step took 10 seconds, her face facing the concrete. She had a quad cane and unusual shaped boots.
It's not polite to stare and she wasn't asking for help. A drop of water fell on her, I brought my purchases to my truck and left.
It's not polite to stare and she wasn't asking for help. A drop of water fell on her, I brought my purchases to my truck and left.
If you follow the baby research reported by Paul Bloom of Yale (e.g. _Just Babies_), you would come to think that humans are born with a natural tendency toward empathy and cooperation. I consider it a mammalian and particularly primate trait. The tendency varies among people--as a personality trait empathy is about 50% heritable--and some people seem not to get it at all--we call them psychopaths. Mr. Kristof raises the important question of how we can help people develop more empathy. I worry about the other side: how do we develop and teach political ideologies and maybe even some religions that enable us to override our natural tendencies and treat other people we have designated as "other" or "unworthy" shabbily. In the present political climate, I see that as the greater problem.
3
The many comments here that suggest Kevin's problems were due to "government dole" miss a piece of the larger picture. The reality of our current plight is a very real lack of jobs, or a job market. Conservatives like to point out that what these people need are JOBS, yet conservatives rarely do what is needed to provide those jobs. (We are talking about the last 35 years.)
A massive infrastructure rebuild is necessary for the economic health of our country and it would go a long way towards providing a full employment program for all of us. Wealthy people and industry also need a vibrant infrastructure to facilitate their needs, so why hasn't this happened? Because wealthy people and industries want a war among poor working people to keep the value of labor depressed.
And that is what we have now in the U.S., a war between poor working class white guys against poor working class black guys. And while we fight amongst ourselves the fat cats get to steal from everyone.
A massive infrastructure rebuild is necessary for the economic health of our country and it would go a long way towards providing a full employment program for all of us. Wealthy people and industry also need a vibrant infrastructure to facilitate their needs, so why hasn't this happened? Because wealthy people and industries want a war among poor working people to keep the value of labor depressed.
And that is what we have now in the U.S., a war between poor working class white guys against poor working class black guys. And while we fight amongst ourselves the fat cats get to steal from everyone.
17
I always thought that lab rats were a higher form of life than Republicans. Now we have evidence to prove it.
4
Very empathetic!
2
As a Republican, I will happily compare my charitable donations of time and money to the poor to your donations, then I'll listen to you.
2
I am reminded regularly in my church that we exist as community and that we have a responsibility to our neighbors. This is the motivation that sends groups volunteers to Guatemala to work with the Mayans to build houses, and provide medical care; to mentor children who are homeless. John Donne said it better -- "No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main . . . ."
3
Having empathy does not necessarily mean a change in policies. White liberals get taken to task all the time by the pundit class for wanting to do something about problems but being "elitist" in their methods.
Part of the problem is that academia and the Media are not really any more interested in empathy or accuracy but in collective action. Complete with good guys and bad guys. Perhaps it would be better to ask how can individuals be helped in their struggles and pains.
Part of the problem is that academia and the Media are not really any more interested in empathy or accuracy but in collective action. Complete with good guys and bad guys. Perhaps it would be better to ask how can individuals be helped in their struggles and pains.
2
What I've learned from my more than 30 years of Buddhist practice is empathy and compassion are heartfelt muscles, which like those in our body must be continually exercised for them to develop and strengthen. If we see this type of exercise as a necessary daily regimen then we challenge ourselves to deepen our empathy and compassion for those in our immediate environment-- family, friend and co-workers-- those for whom we often have the hardest time experiencing these emotions. And if we can make a breakthrough on these fronts then we develop the confidence we can embrace those we don't even know. This I think is the basis for what the Buddhist philosopher Daisaku Ikeda has called Imaginative Empathy, a personal capacity that has the potential for a global impact.
5
One factor influencing empathy (certainly not the only one!) is how much a person feels the need for the support of others. Empathy is largely about reciprocity - "I'll take care of your needs if you take care of mine." People who feel wealthy probably feel less of a need for reciprocal support. See Joshua Greene's book, "Moral Tribes" for a pretty good review of recent research supporting the idea that empathy - and morality in general - is prosocial.
3
Studies show that people who politically lean left leave "helping the other" to the government. People on the right don't stop when they pay their taxes, they turn out to be far more charitable then their left leaning brethren.
Could true empathy be affected by one's attitude towards the extent of the government's role in social welfare? Certainly a beneficiary's attitude towards their benefactor suggests who empathetic the benefactor is. It is very clear that in matters of rehabilitating people to society (from prison or chemical dependencies) private, religious based institutions have a better record than government run agencies. Can a government agency dispel money or services AND empathy? Results suggest that the answer is No.
Could true empathy be affected by one's attitude towards the extent of the government's role in social welfare? Certainly a beneficiary's attitude towards their benefactor suggests who empathetic the benefactor is. It is very clear that in matters of rehabilitating people to society (from prison or chemical dependencies) private, religious based institutions have a better record than government run agencies. Can a government agency dispel money or services AND empathy? Results suggest that the answer is No.
6
One point overlooked in this article is the role, or maybe the absence of a role for religion. All the Western religions call for compassion and service to the poor. Many sects within religions call for fulfilling ones religious obligations through required charitable donations. And certainly in the US there are many teachings on the importance of compassion as a reflection of Christian virtue.
So what happened? How and why do we score so high on "being religious", when polls are taken, much higher than Europeans, but embrace a kind of warped Calvinism seeing the poor as reflection of their own fall from grace and the virtuous having no responsibility for their plight?
Today rather than embracing empathy we seem to see ourselves as disconnected individuals simply competing in the world marketplace for a piece an ever shrinking pie. Whatever happened to we're all Gods children?
So what happened? How and why do we score so high on "being religious", when polls are taken, much higher than Europeans, but embrace a kind of warped Calvinism seeing the poor as reflection of their own fall from grace and the virtuous having no responsibility for their plight?
Today rather than embracing empathy we seem to see ourselves as disconnected individuals simply competing in the world marketplace for a piece an ever shrinking pie. Whatever happened to we're all Gods children?
3
" Whatever happened to we're all Gods children?" Nothing. It never existed as a biblical concept but a humanist one. How can all be God's children when only some are "granted adoption as the sons of God"? The bible says we are all the children of our father, Satan.
1
A lot of comments suggest that those who are successful create the benefits they enjoy solely through hard work. I suppose that, in a totally just world, that would be true, but, I've observed that those of lower means often work extremely hard but don't accrue commensurate rewards. Attributing success solely to personal efforts doesn't take into account the impact of favorable external conditions. Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, The Outliers, does a good job of analyzing the sorts of externalities that contribute to personal flourishing, and they can be as simple as the time of year when was born, the match between one's natural talents and the needs of the location in which one resides, the serendipity of opportunity and the presence of others who offer help along the way. It should be obvious that someone whose family nurtures the development of skills that pay well, provides funds for college and seed money for starting an enterprise has an easier time being successful than someone who works 40 hours a week at a menial job in order eke a way through college two classes at a time. The latter is probably the one who works the hardest but simply does so in a way that doesn't elicit the same level of reward. I see a lack of two basic qualities in people take sole credit for their achievements: one is empathy for those whose often very hard work is less remunerative, and gratitude for the benefits that have boosted their opportunities for success.
9
Yes, the idea of the "self-made man" ignors the social benefits enjoyed by individuals who succeed.
1
We divide ourselves into groups. We then see only those we recognize as part of our group as real people. The others are outsiders and we see them as potential dangers. As Mitt Romney told his flow wealthy friends the others are the losers, they are taking our money and using our resources.
We now have the majority of congress as millionaires, they eat, socialize with wealthy lobbyists and others.they vacation in exclusive areas and kids in private schools. They see the general public as another less worthy group.
Empathy comes from identifying with the other person and we see more and more of identity with small similar groups. 50% of conservatives and 50% of Liberals do not want their children marrying a person of the other side.
We're divided and How!!
We now have the majority of congress as millionaires, they eat, socialize with wealthy lobbyists and others.they vacation in exclusive areas and kids in private schools. They see the general public as another less worthy group.
Empathy comes from identifying with the other person and we see more and more of identity with small similar groups. 50% of conservatives and 50% of Liberals do not want their children marrying a person of the other side.
We're divided and How!!
2
You must check out the organization Roots of Empathy, www.rootsofempathy.org, which has received repeated scientific validation of its methodology and results.
1
TEACHING EMPATHY BEGINNING IN PRESCHOOL
As a psychologist who works primarily with children, I have found programs to teach empathy to children starting at about ages 3 to 4, which is when they have the conceptual and language development, as well as adequate narrative skills, can be highly effective. Myrna B. Shure at Drexel Hahnemann, has developed a program, "I Can Problem Solve," and written books about raising thinking children and teens, written a newspaper column and hosted a radio program about teaching children to think about how to solve problems themselves. Internalizing socially responsible values at an early age will lead to a more empathic society. We know that we're hard-wired for empathy by what we've learned about the mirror cells or spindle cells of the brain. But they have to be trained to recognize the structure of social groups and interactions. Let's start now mandating such programs for all school children.
As a psychologist who works primarily with children, I have found programs to teach empathy to children starting at about ages 3 to 4, which is when they have the conceptual and language development, as well as adequate narrative skills, can be highly effective. Myrna B. Shure at Drexel Hahnemann, has developed a program, "I Can Problem Solve," and written books about raising thinking children and teens, written a newspaper column and hosted a radio program about teaching children to think about how to solve problems themselves. Internalizing socially responsible values at an early age will lead to a more empathic society. We know that we're hard-wired for empathy by what we've learned about the mirror cells or spindle cells of the brain. But they have to be trained to recognize the structure of social groups and interactions. Let's start now mandating such programs for all school children.
3
Kill non-empathy with kindness. Don't be rude. Be patient. Be bold. Listen. Share. Hire somebody. Ask for a job. Teach. Learn. Empathy is also a two-way street. Also, enforce laws in a consistent way that demonstrate that rules don't apply selectively. Selling single cigarettes or penny stocks are about the same sorts of business.
3
"Above all, let’s remember that compassion and rationality are not effete markers of weakness, but signs of civilization."
Givers need help, too.
When we are in our comfort zones, we may feel ALOOF, where we have no need for help. But if you turn the letters around you get A FOOL.
Comfortable Democrats found out in the last election that they are not safe...
www.EconomyWiseUP.com
Givers need help, too.
When we are in our comfort zones, we may feel ALOOF, where we have no need for help. But if you turn the letters around you get A FOOL.
Comfortable Democrats found out in the last election that they are not safe...
www.EconomyWiseUP.com
2
Not wallowing in self-pity or handwringing over misfortune is not a sign of being less empathetic. Some of us seek real solutions to problems. What has Nicholas done to help his friend? Pretty words do nothing. If Nicholas has not taken on the role of economic support for his friend in dire need, he is no more empathetic than the rest of us.
8
Empathy is discouraged in American culture. We are encouraged to be selfish and greedy, and to regard the weak cruelly. These are hallmark traits of our culture.
6
I don't know that not donating to charity means that someone lacks empathy. It depends what you consider a donation. It doesn't have to be money; it can be time.
3
We increase empathy not by just talking about it....but by practicing it. It is that simple. You cannot love in abstract, it involves real flesh and blood and soul,suffering and redemption and falling short and rising again. Its mental abstract definition without 'skin in the game' is worthless and hypocritical, if what one is looking for is the real thing.
4
"Above all, let’s remember that compassion and rationality are not effete markers of weakness, but signs of civilization."
And there in lies the problem. We have politicized empathy. To liberals it is a strength, to conservatives it is a weakness. I scratch my head when I try to figure out how all those Republicans claim Jesus as their savior and somehow think having empathy is weak but there you have it.
And there in lies the problem. We have politicized empathy. To liberals it is a strength, to conservatives it is a weakness. I scratch my head when I try to figure out how all those Republicans claim Jesus as their savior and somehow think having empathy is weak but there you have it.
7
Funny, I read the headline to this story and the first thought which came to mind: Make fewer Republicans.
4
I and other Christians have plenty of empathy for your deceased friend, Mr. Kristof, but there's a sort of "false" empathy on the Left that borders on "enabling" and "indulgence". Your friend no doubt bears some responsibility for using drugs, growing drugs, and setting a bad example for his sons, who are now drug users themselves, apparently. ("The sins of the father are visited on the children.")
When President Obama was marketing Obamacare, one argument he made for compulsory insurance purchases was that buying insurance was a matter of "personal responsibility." I don't know how, as a liberal, he could deliver that line with a straight face. When has the Left ever expected people to be responsible for their choices and behavior? No, the whole point of Leftism is "I do what I want, and you (the taxpayer) pays for it." Where's the empathy for the taxpayer, who is struggling to pay his own family's' bills, let alone keep 2 or 3 other humans afloat. These are humans who, if enabled, educated and expected to pull their own weight, would do so. The Bible said "You shall earn your keep out of the sweat of your brow," not "You shall not earn your keep, but instead take it out of the sweat of your brother's brow."
When President Obama was marketing Obamacare, one argument he made for compulsory insurance purchases was that buying insurance was a matter of "personal responsibility." I don't know how, as a liberal, he could deliver that line with a straight face. When has the Left ever expected people to be responsible for their choices and behavior? No, the whole point of Leftism is "I do what I want, and you (the taxpayer) pays for it." Where's the empathy for the taxpayer, who is struggling to pay his own family's' bills, let alone keep 2 or 3 other humans afloat. These are humans who, if enabled, educated and expected to pull their own weight, would do so. The Bible said "You shall earn your keep out of the sweat of your brow," not "You shall not earn your keep, but instead take it out of the sweat of your brother's brow."
12
Likely the least empathetic and understanding of all the comments here. When you group people as thinking identically, ( i.e liberals or the Left) and state that all liberals lack understanding or fail to pull their own weight ( or are promoting those ideas), your true lack of empathy is glaring-- despite your so-called Christian beliefs. Didn't those Christian beliefs teach you that we are all one, trying to do the best that each of us can do under a particular set of circumstances. Please come off your high-horse, you might fall and there might not be anyone willing to pick you up.
4
I fail to see how the ability to understand and share the feelings of another isn't simply a human ability, whatever the circumstances or reasons a person has arrived where he/she has. Some here seem to argue that there are those who do not deserve their empathy "because they have not worked hard enough." How does that preclude empathy for individuals?
Mr. Kristof’s two most recent thought-provoking and heart-nourishing columns on empathy will positively influence me for a long time.
I do feel compelled to challenge Mr. Kristof on one point, though. Doesn’t empathy need to apply to all people in all situations? In the previous column, Mr. Kristof stated that those who “who judge you [Kevin Green] don’t have a clue.” In today’s article, the writer describes those who criticized Mr. Green’s actions as “scolds.” These characterizations – while borne from understandable frustration – seem to lack the empathy that Mr. Kristof is calling for. Could it be that some who are critical of Mr. Green have also tried to help individuals in a similar plight, only to eventually become discouraged, frustrated, and burned out? (I am a teacher, and can appreciate why empathy eventually runs dry. I have often been less than empathetic in my life and in my teaching practice than I ought to be.)
The remainder of today’s column is thoughtfully and broadly prescriptive, although I encourage Mr. Kristof to try to better appreciate the specific reasons why people may harshly judge Kevin Green’s actions. This doesn’t validate those judgments, but the power of empathy allows us to understand the roots of those judgments. I would also appreciate a humble word or two from the writer about his own failings in the empathy arena. While some may suffer a greater empathy gap than others, none of us is immune to landing in that space in-between.
I do feel compelled to challenge Mr. Kristof on one point, though. Doesn’t empathy need to apply to all people in all situations? In the previous column, Mr. Kristof stated that those who “who judge you [Kevin Green] don’t have a clue.” In today’s article, the writer describes those who criticized Mr. Green’s actions as “scolds.” These characterizations – while borne from understandable frustration – seem to lack the empathy that Mr. Kristof is calling for. Could it be that some who are critical of Mr. Green have also tried to help individuals in a similar plight, only to eventually become discouraged, frustrated, and burned out? (I am a teacher, and can appreciate why empathy eventually runs dry. I have often been less than empathetic in my life and in my teaching practice than I ought to be.)
The remainder of today’s column is thoughtfully and broadly prescriptive, although I encourage Mr. Kristof to try to better appreciate the specific reasons why people may harshly judge Kevin Green’s actions. This doesn’t validate those judgments, but the power of empathy allows us to understand the roots of those judgments. I would also appreciate a humble word or two from the writer about his own failings in the empathy arena. While some may suffer a greater empathy gap than others, none of us is immune to landing in that space in-between.
4
A relentless, pounding appeal to fear of the Other, a caricatured dehumanisation of the Other, a denial of a common humanity, is not hard to observe out there. It is well, good and necessary to think about building empathy. It is also vital to call for what it is not just the rejection of empathy, but active, frank attempts to destroy it. We live in a world in which the author of a book entitled 'The Virtue of Selfishness' is taken seriously at the highest levels of government, and in which Isaiah Berlin's 'Two Concepts of Liberty' is barely recognised outside a sliver of academia.
1
I worry about my lack of empathy for people begging on the streets of my city. I won't give them any money but do carry treats for them to hand to their dogs. some are old claiming to be disabled vets that are homeless, want to ask them where they get their social security and VA checks but don't. I want to ask this very young man who sits in the same spot almost every day all day holding a sign asking from money why he's not working but begging. I watch as one old man has learned how to shame people by waving his sign right in their windshield and it works with younger people. I know that some may be in genuine need but I question many of the other but I am more concerned about how I feel about them
4
I am not so sure empathy or lack of empathy is hardwired. We can promote empathy by teaching it in creative ways. Here are some possible ways: raise and care for animals, read to them, listen to live music together, go to museums together, go fishing, daily walks, make art and show art, give gifts at random times, care for the elderly, help take care of younger kids, daily choirs, help in a homeless shelter, play theater games, go camping, cook for others, talk about movies together, talk about other's feelings, teach how to share...
People that grow up without empathy have either been insulated too much, or neglected too much.
People that grow up without empathy have either been insulated too much, or neglected too much.
5
If you are not connected to yourself, and have compassion for yourself (cultivated by the aforementioned practices of yoga, mediation, etc.) there is little possibility of connecting with others. Compassion is heart centered and flows from a sense that we are all in this together, and there is plenty to go around/share. In a transactional society there is always the sense that whatever you have, means less for me and I need more. Gross materialism, greed and fear, block compassion. Try looking at everyone in the eye and smiling from the heart. That is rich.
4
A good place to start, is by not electing people who don't have any.
i.e. republicans.
i.e. republicans.
5
Ever hear the expression, Rules are for fools? We live in an empathy free zone. called The United States of Me. Empathy, too, is for fools. The only people who need empathy are people who need help. If you need help there must be something lacking in you, ergo you are not worthy of empathy. Why is it my fault you weren't born to wealthy parents? But honestly, Nick, don't you ever get tired of spitting in the wind?
4
I find these kind of articles a little muddled. First there is the failure to distinguish among empathy, sympathy, compassion and pity. Empathy is a feeling that doesn't necessarily provoke action. Kristoff is thinking of compassion or sympathy. The "Age of Empathy" by Frans de Waal nicely sorts these out using ingenious animal studies. A chimp, showing empathy, will waggle its arms watching another climbing a ladder. Second, one can choose to act to help the poor or sick solely on rational grounds. For instance, universal health care has benevolent effects while being the most logical option.
8
Mr. Kristof,
While I certainly agree with you-as I have seen these attitudes displayed throughout life; more so since our modern depression-I am confounded by the disconnect between the generous and empathetic behavior of friends, acquaintances and neighbors in personal, one to one, interactions juxtaposed against their attitudes and behaviors towards "others" in the same. While open and giving of whatever they can spare to those in their community, they then turn around and vote in ever more malicious, vindictive and radical Republican candidates to whatever office they can vote them into; Republicans that immediately take every last thing that the people my friends are trying to help were given/rely upon. This is the brilliance of our modern Republicans; they have been astoundingly successful in shifting the lens of perception with which such a large portion of our population views the country. Their ability to re-frame support and advancement programs for those that struggle from ones helping neighbors and friends, and even themselves, to programs that are meant as kickbacks to "welfare queens" and "young bucks" has been one of the most shrewd political maneuvers I can think of. This shift, almost imperceptible, is one that would make even the most skilled magician envious. As communities become more and more re-segregated, I fear we will have a harder and harder time combating the insidious introduction of the "other" into our national consciousness.
While I certainly agree with you-as I have seen these attitudes displayed throughout life; more so since our modern depression-I am confounded by the disconnect between the generous and empathetic behavior of friends, acquaintances and neighbors in personal, one to one, interactions juxtaposed against their attitudes and behaviors towards "others" in the same. While open and giving of whatever they can spare to those in their community, they then turn around and vote in ever more malicious, vindictive and radical Republican candidates to whatever office they can vote them into; Republicans that immediately take every last thing that the people my friends are trying to help were given/rely upon. This is the brilliance of our modern Republicans; they have been astoundingly successful in shifting the lens of perception with which such a large portion of our population views the country. Their ability to re-frame support and advancement programs for those that struggle from ones helping neighbors and friends, and even themselves, to programs that are meant as kickbacks to "welfare queens" and "young bucks" has been one of the most shrewd political maneuvers I can think of. This shift, almost imperceptible, is one that would make even the most skilled magician envious. As communities become more and more re-segregated, I fear we will have a harder and harder time combating the insidious introduction of the "other" into our national consciousness.
2
In 1758 Adam Smith published The Theory of Moral Sentiments. In it, he analyzes the human capacity for sympathy. (Empathy is a more recent word.) Smith describes sympathy as requiring an act of imagination, made easier or more difficult by a great many factors, including whether a vivid description of a situation is provided. That is a pathetic summary of the insights in a 400 book, but little since then has added much of practical value to his discussion.
But maybe "How do we increase empathy?" isn't the right question. Take the Bill Murray character in the film Groundhog Day. He must repeat the same day over and over until he finally 'gets' the vital need for sympathy. Maybe the more practical question is how to find and elect political representatives who already have a talent for it, instead of being swayed by ideological dogmas that do damage to people in the quest for some 'higher' moral principle.
In the last sentence of the column, a link is made between compassion and rationality. We in the West are great believers in rationality. But if you look at how we use rational arguments and logic, as often as not it is to 'rationalize' some cold-hearted agenda based on an abstract view of morality that has no element of compassion. Rationality has no bias in favor of compassion.
Yet to the extent empathy can be increased by vivid descriptions of conditions that deserve our compassion, few people do it better, or as consistently, as Nicholas Kristof.
But maybe "How do we increase empathy?" isn't the right question. Take the Bill Murray character in the film Groundhog Day. He must repeat the same day over and over until he finally 'gets' the vital need for sympathy. Maybe the more practical question is how to find and elect political representatives who already have a talent for it, instead of being swayed by ideological dogmas that do damage to people in the quest for some 'higher' moral principle.
In the last sentence of the column, a link is made between compassion and rationality. We in the West are great believers in rationality. But if you look at how we use rational arguments and logic, as often as not it is to 'rationalize' some cold-hearted agenda based on an abstract view of morality that has no element of compassion. Rationality has no bias in favor of compassion.
Yet to the extent empathy can be increased by vivid descriptions of conditions that deserve our compassion, few people do it better, or as consistently, as Nicholas Kristof.
3
Every religion and wisdom movement at its core begins with the positive and negative expressions of the Golden Rule - don't do to your neighbor what ypu don't want done to you, and do unto others etc. Members of Faith and wisdom movements which go the extra step of encouraging acts to implement the words successfully, display empathy - whether by faking it or making it. Fake it till you make it still results in one helping a neighbor in need, even if one's heart is not yet into the act.
What has the era of big government done for empathy? You might think this a strange question. Unfortunately governments that see to every needy person's needs reduce the need for us to be charitable on a person to person level. Empathy suffers. I am paraphrasing what former Chief Rabbi of the UK Jonathan Sachs told the House od Lords and the. house of Commons when they asked him what more the government could do to help society. Rabbi Sachs basically said "do less" and allow each individual to fulfill the Golden Rule.
What has the era of big government done for empathy? You might think this a strange question. Unfortunately governments that see to every needy person's needs reduce the need for us to be charitable on a person to person level. Empathy suffers. I am paraphrasing what former Chief Rabbi of the UK Jonathan Sachs told the House od Lords and the. house of Commons when they asked him what more the government could do to help society. Rabbi Sachs basically said "do less" and allow each individual to fulfill the Golden Rule.
4
Great Society programs to help the impoverished grew out of the failure of local charities to help the actual "least of these" - the African-American population - due to institutional racism and individual racialism. Neither has been defeated yet.
2
Empathy is not abstract, it is an interaction between two people. I will feel more empathy for my neighbor who can't work because of illness than for the unknown person I read about in a news article. The best politician convinces voters "I feel your pain," while others give lip service to abstractions like "more jobs for the middle class." It is also easier to empathize with those who are most like us. "The other" is not so worthy of concern, if not the object of outright animosity. That is a primate impulse that civilization aspires to transcend..
2
Mr. Kristof,
From the sounds of it, your friend Kevin had several important jobs on his plate - growing his own food, being a good father to his two sons, and getting himself into better shape. If he had been living in a country in western Europe, one of those with a good safety net that provided him with access to good healthcare, his sons with good schools, and maybe even, a stipend to allow him to take a vacation!, instead of living here, where he was made to feel like a failure for not being able to keep up on his child support, he might have had the time to take better care of his health, be a mentor to his kids, teach them to grown their own food, volunteer at the high school track team, or perhaps find another passion that would make him money.
The prevailing sentiment in this country seems to be that if we treat the poor too well, they will lost motivation to work. In fact, while they might lose the motivation to work very hard at dead end jobs that barely pay enough to survive, they might instead have the opportunity to engage in more worthwhile, although less financially renumerated pursuits, such as being good parents, or growing their own food.
The prevailing sentiment in this country is that the market is the ultimate arbiter of what is considered valuable in society, when in fact it is simply the arbiter of what is considered valuable by people with money. IMO it is this belief that is at the root of our lack of empathy.
From the sounds of it, your friend Kevin had several important jobs on his plate - growing his own food, being a good father to his two sons, and getting himself into better shape. If he had been living in a country in western Europe, one of those with a good safety net that provided him with access to good healthcare, his sons with good schools, and maybe even, a stipend to allow him to take a vacation!, instead of living here, where he was made to feel like a failure for not being able to keep up on his child support, he might have had the time to take better care of his health, be a mentor to his kids, teach them to grown their own food, volunteer at the high school track team, or perhaps find another passion that would make him money.
The prevailing sentiment in this country seems to be that if we treat the poor too well, they will lost motivation to work. In fact, while they might lose the motivation to work very hard at dead end jobs that barely pay enough to survive, they might instead have the opportunity to engage in more worthwhile, although less financially renumerated pursuits, such as being good parents, or growing their own food.
The prevailing sentiment in this country is that the market is the ultimate arbiter of what is considered valuable in society, when in fact it is simply the arbiter of what is considered valuable by people with money. IMO it is this belief that is at the root of our lack of empathy.
5
I agree wholeheartedly. As a child I was orphaned and abandoned by parents and raised by grandparents. We were poor or perhaps lower middle class but guess what? I never knew we were poor. Definitions for happiness and success have changed over the years and now money is the measure. Kristof's friend Kevin may have been happier than he thinks. His love for the farm life, growing food, smoking a little pot, not concerned with the worries of the world, may have been he life he chose. Kristof's attempt to politicize the death of his friend as 'inequality' in the jobs market is ludicrous and shameful.
3
Actually, L. A. Hammond, your attempt to posthumously romanticize a lifetime of job insecurity then unemployment, alienation from family, struggles to live on a monthly income equivalent to wealth-secure families' monthly cell phone bills, then dying of multiple organ failure at age 54 with a total life savings of $3500 is what's ludicrous and shameful.
3
L. A. Hammond,
You are making a different point than me. We lack the safety net in this country that would have conferred more diginity on his life. While you may never have known you were poor as a child, I doubt your grandparents felt the same, and if you had had the misfortune of needing serious medical care, you would have known it as well.
Because we as a society are unwilling to assume more of a collective responsibility for children, their education and their physical well being, the burden of providing a safety net falls on the immediate family, who, if they barely have a safety net themselves cannot do an adequate job.
The flip side of personal responsibility is engaging in the blame game when something goes wrong. If everyone is personally responsible for their own well being, then the failure is their personal responsibility as well.
You are making a different point than me. We lack the safety net in this country that would have conferred more diginity on his life. While you may never have known you were poor as a child, I doubt your grandparents felt the same, and if you had had the misfortune of needing serious medical care, you would have known it as well.
Because we as a society are unwilling to assume more of a collective responsibility for children, their education and their physical well being, the burden of providing a safety net falls on the immediate family, who, if they barely have a safety net themselves cannot do an adequate job.
The flip side of personal responsibility is engaging in the blame game when something goes wrong. If everyone is personally responsible for their own well being, then the failure is their personal responsibility as well.
2
The most important empathetic act is to reach out and help an individual person. So, why didn't you help your friend? It is not very empathetic to write a piece chastising others over different social policies that may or may not have helped him, when you apparently did nothing to help him.
Empathy is not about using another person's life to promote your own views. It's just the opposite.
Empathy is not about using another person's life to promote your own views. It's just the opposite.
8
It's ironic--or perhaps synchronistic--that I read Mr. Kristof's column right after reading Josh Barro's "A Rich Person is Someone Who Makes 50 Percent More Than You Do." In that column Mr. Barro explains why President Obama's very reasonable proposal to end tax benefits for 529 savings accounts to help fund college and other aid ran into trouble. As 70% of these accounts are held by people making over $200,000, I thought the comments would reflect outrage at the failure of this proposal. Boy was I wrong! Instead, most comments are along the lines of, "My husband and I work very hard for our $200,000 and you know, it's really not a lot of money!" Tell that to a family making half that, or a quarter of it. I'm sorry folks, $200,000 IS a lot of money. And the empathy exhibited in the comments of Mr. Barro's column ... as well as Mr. Kristof's poignant ode to his friend Kevin, sorely lacking.
6
Those "scolds" who "complained that Kevin's problems were of his own making" must have missed the line about Kevin's sister also dying of a heart attack in her early 50's. Sounds like Kevin's early death may have been at least as attributable to genetics as to life choices.
Critisism based on one's genetics?
Critisism based on one's genetics?
3
A healthcare safety net comprised of a nationalized system as in Canada, and of freely available help to kick addictions -- supported by early nutritional training (and intervention, where necessary and desired by mothers/fathers) for children and their parents -- would go a long way toward helping genetically-predisposed people to NOT die young of heart disease, obesity, cancer, and other genetic/environment-influenced diseases. Also, public education regarding the ENORMOUSLY deleterious effects -- including by way of causing vascular and other systemic inflammation -- of everyday chemicals in such polluting consumer products as air "fresheners", pesticides, and other fragranced petrochemical-based items, would help thus-better informed citizens make healthier choices in how to spend their limited funds. Perhaps most importantly, legislation to make it illegal to smoke in apartments adjacent to those of neighboring non-smokers (into whose homes' air these cancer-causing, and asthma-and-heartattack-inducing chemicals almost invariably enter, forcing vulnerable individuals to endure physical torture and damage hour after hour, day after day, year after year, decade after decade) would do wonders to decrease the death rates and suffering of SO MANY among us.
1
So what kind of response would have pleased you? I felt sorrow at the plight of your friend. I also wondered about the life circumstances which led to this ending. Besides empathy for condition, it also seemed that a bit of Golden Rule considerations on your part, a friend who over the years might have had opportunities for appropriate intervention. What happened and was it possible that some kinds of intervention might have helped? What were they? What did you do if anything?
Overall I was left with many puzzles. As I remain after this rant.
Overall I was left with many puzzles. As I remain after this rant.
4
"Not much we can do about looks — although criminal defense lawyers try, by having scruffy clients shave and dress up before appearing in court."
They also put a Bible in their hands to make them look pious. It works sometimes. I suppose a good scolding by a sanctimonious New York Times opinion writer might work too, but I doubt it.
They also put a Bible in their hands to make them look pious. It works sometimes. I suppose a good scolding by a sanctimonious New York Times opinion writer might work too, but I doubt it.
If it's hard-wired, why write about increasing it? And unless empathy energizes action it's just another feel-good emotion.
Or maybe it's just an excuse to bash the wealthy in another column? According to the National Center for Charitable Statistics those filing returns of $10m or more donated 5.9% of AGI, and those with $5-10m 3.7%. These numbers are from 2011, but are based on IRS data, which seems a mor reliable source than the BLS.
Or maybe it's just an excuse to bash the wealthy in another column? According to the National Center for Charitable Statistics those filing returns of $10m or more donated 5.9% of AGI, and those with $5-10m 3.7%. These numbers are from 2011, but are based on IRS data, which seems a mor reliable source than the BLS.
3
This read like a David Brooks column. But that doesn't mean it was persuasive. Who says that encouraging what Kristof defines as "empathy" is a good thing? I, for one, would be livid if my kids starting giving away their assets, or spent large amounts of their time hugging a tree or serving soup. They are capable of so much more, and are being highly educated and nurtured to achieve great things.
3
What great things are you expecting that don't involve helping others or saving the world we live in?
2
Sorry, Mr. Kristof, for I know you mean well, and for that I am grateful. But in your quest for compassion [empathy is a modern word that really means nothing], you are, as it were, "groping along the wall like a blind man."
Sadly, no one who reads this paper will be interested in what Christianity says. This newspaper is the leading trumpet for all things hateful against Christ. But in Christ we find the explicit remedy for lack of compassion, the very thing that you are looking for [but in all the wrong places].
I would quote some very specific and targeted teaching of Christ to set both you and me on the right path to stimulating compassion and mercy, but I would be immediately attacked and pilloried as a raving lunatic. So, I will just slink off and remain quiet -- but enjoy to the full the compassion and empathy that my Savior has for me and all His children, and ask His power to grant me the same for my fellow human beings.
Sadly, no one who reads this paper will be interested in what Christianity says. This newspaper is the leading trumpet for all things hateful against Christ. But in Christ we find the explicit remedy for lack of compassion, the very thing that you are looking for [but in all the wrong places].
I would quote some very specific and targeted teaching of Christ to set both you and me on the right path to stimulating compassion and mercy, but I would be immediately attacked and pilloried as a raving lunatic. So, I will just slink off and remain quiet -- but enjoy to the full the compassion and empathy that my Savior has for me and all His children, and ask His power to grant me the same for my fellow human beings.
2
Empathy and altruism existed long before Christianity. Like other animal traits, empathy exists along a continuum, with some of us near the hard-heart end and others near the Sr. Theresa end. The success of the greedy may result in genetic selection for lack of empathy.
1
I have lived in three different cities in the USA and each one had an adequate supply of people who needed help if anyone felt like it. High schoolers do not need to go to Costa Rica for a life changing experience.
I am sorry that you had to read so many uncaring comments about your friend.
I'll tell you one thing that may have caused me to be empathic. I grew up in a Union household where I learned that "an injury to one is an injury to all". I learned that working together to improve everybody's circumstances was the way to go.
I think that this is why I can balance calls for "personal responsibility ". (Don't mourn organize) and empathy.
Sadly, good union jobs like my fathers are going away. Everybody is supposed to succeed on their own. Your thoughts mr. K?
Oh, the internet handle (upscale) is a joke.
I am sorry that you had to read so many uncaring comments about your friend.
I'll tell you one thing that may have caused me to be empathic. I grew up in a Union household where I learned that "an injury to one is an injury to all". I learned that working together to improve everybody's circumstances was the way to go.
I think that this is why I can balance calls for "personal responsibility ". (Don't mourn organize) and empathy.
Sadly, good union jobs like my fathers are going away. Everybody is supposed to succeed on their own. Your thoughts mr. K?
Oh, the internet handle (upscale) is a joke.
7
An absolute way to increase empathy amongst the populace is to begin giving rigourous and serious psychedelic journeys as well as education. This means ingesting hallucinogenic medicines, like psilocybin, dimethyltriptamine amonst others. We must conquer the fear we have regarding these medicines. If these experiences were absorbed into the culture, as a normal ritual, as a part of becoming and adult, of becoming a citizen, we would see a radical shift in the consciousness of the individual and concurrently, the collective.
2
Some of us work for a living, and therefore have better things to do with our lives. I'm in the enviable position of being paid to help people in need regardless of their ability to pay. I have neither the time nor the inclination to get high, nor do I see any purpose in doing so.
1
On the whole, people I've known who've grown up on family farms with responsibily for insuring welfare of the animals in doing chores most of the time they are not in school, developed a pretty good sense of empathy. We learned how to work, organize our time in order to play, while the close contact with animals who depended upon us for everything, gave us the feeling we were all in the same boat. They we our livelehood too. It helps to have parents who are caring and decent as well who insist on all jobs being done well.
58
That's interesting. I'm from a family that farmed for generations, and what appalled me (as the first of the suburban generations) was the hard-hearted nature of the farmers in my acquaintance. Grandfather, mother and uncle all viewed animals as means to an end and couldn't afford to develop empathy. It was hard for them to understand, for example, why I would want a barnyard animal such as a cat in the house.
2
One great thing about increasing empathy is that it would shrink the meat, egg, and dairy industries. Universal empathy would put them out or business completely. That would be a real sign of civilization.
4
Accumulation of wealth is a "Sign" of civilization too, see where that has gotten us! Emotion leads to weakness which is counter to survival! Benign aloofness is more logical and productive in the struggle for survival and reproduction which is the bottom line even for "Humans". Anything else is just hubris.
How do we increase our empathy for others? Very simple. Study the teachings of Jesus. Not in church, not from the pulpit, nor dogma or doctrine. Simply, one on one, study, really study and honestly contemplate the words of Jesus. After all, our relationship with higher forces must be personal, one on one, face to face. Following culture's interpretation or an institution's interpretation reveals it's agenda and takes us far from empathy.
4
Along with the teaching of Buddha, Lao Tzu and Krishna... which are all the same teachings at their core...
1
Or the teachings of Krishna, Buddha, Lao Tse, and yes Jesus.
4
Jesus said "go in your closet and pray (and He prayed alone Himself), but that's not all of what Jesus said to do, and for a reason. He gathered 12 disciples. He said "whenever 2 or more of you are gathered in My name, I am in your midst," and "upon this rock (St. Peter), I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it" and "go and preach to gospels to all nations" and "do this in memory of Me (Holy Eucharist)". People who set off to discover Jesus all alone (rejecting Church) often end in narcissism and the Church of self. The Roman Catholic Church started the hospitals and the university system and sponsored great acts of charity, education and art. Is it perfect? No. But it beats the church of self, any day.
1
Empathy - real, serious, deeply-felt emotional concern for someone else - has been and is still being killed by a society that tells its citizens that they are their brothers' keepers.
It's difficult for me to show empathy when the government takes the wealth I earn with my efforts and uses it to be "charitable" on my behalf - effectively delivering my "empathy" by using force to take my cash from me. Why should I provide more, Real Empathy, when the clamorers - Nicholas Kristoff among them - tell me I'm not delivering enough to satisfy them?
Mr Kristoff: Start advocating individual responsibility. And start advocating that the government stop forcing me to be charitable. "Forced charity" is not charity. Neither is "forced empathy". Learn the difference, promote the real thing, and see what happens.
It's difficult for me to show empathy when the government takes the wealth I earn with my efforts and uses it to be "charitable" on my behalf - effectively delivering my "empathy" by using force to take my cash from me. Why should I provide more, Real Empathy, when the clamorers - Nicholas Kristoff among them - tell me I'm not delivering enough to satisfy them?
Mr Kristoff: Start advocating individual responsibility. And start advocating that the government stop forcing me to be charitable. "Forced charity" is not charity. Neither is "forced empathy". Learn the difference, promote the real thing, and see what happens.
2
In Somalia the government doesn't take your money in the form of taxes, they have no taxes. And very little government. They also don't have much empathy there so it is likely pirates will take your wealth.
Like I said no government, no protection from pirates.
Like I said no government, no protection from pirates.
5
"the real thing" -- when does it work?
imho only in stone age societies when the in-group is around the size of 100 dudes, or maybe still in a small rural settler village.
To try to convince oneself with Randian-style argumentation that it works still in modern work-dividing anonymous societies of many millions is really problematic. It blinds you and prevents you from accepting that some life stories are bearing witness for systemic unfairness. In Medieval times you were not so much responsible for bishops and monarchs maintaining systemically unfair societies. But in your country which was the first to institute government by and for the people, you are, and your problematic world view in which empathy on the macro-level stinks helps stabilize systemic unfairness, neo-feudal power structures of high-finance, invisible walls preventing migration between the 1% and the plebs, and informational cocoons for the various strata of society.
imho only in stone age societies when the in-group is around the size of 100 dudes, or maybe still in a small rural settler village.
To try to convince oneself with Randian-style argumentation that it works still in modern work-dividing anonymous societies of many millions is really problematic. It blinds you and prevents you from accepting that some life stories are bearing witness for systemic unfairness. In Medieval times you were not so much responsible for bishops and monarchs maintaining systemically unfair societies. But in your country which was the first to institute government by and for the people, you are, and your problematic world view in which empathy on the macro-level stinks helps stabilize systemic unfairness, neo-feudal power structures of high-finance, invisible walls preventing migration between the 1% and the plebs, and informational cocoons for the various strata of society.
1
Markus: I enjoyed how you cleverly bypassed the United States from 1789 thru 1913, and thereby neglected to mention deToqueville's books about how personal responsibility and empathy for one's fellow man - even in places larger than "100 dudes" - seemed to work. With the exception of slavery - which all anti-Randians never cease to bring up, because they cannot find any other objection - the US in the 1800s was better than the Prussian 1800s your country enjoyed. After all, your society created "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need" - a slogan demanding forced empathy.
Try reading someone other than Marx.
Try reading someone other than Marx.
1
I don't think that empathy can be taught, but rather, that it is a natural emotional response.
I do, however, think that disdain can be taught. We have all witnessed its being taught, and being displayed with pride. There are entire movements based on decreasing empathy and increasing disdain for those among us who have the least resources.
Thus, public school funding is decreased in favor of private, parochial and charter schools, each of which can be selective about which children they serve. Entire communities are built behind gates and walls so as to separate the "us" from the "them." One political party that once believed in equality (under Ike) changed its entire framework to become disdainful of those who are needy (under Reagan).
The continued intensity of America's racial divide, as evidenced by the unabashed and visceral hatred of our first African American president, or the complete lack of concern for unarmed black people being executed by cops and vigilantes, is shocking in the 21st century. Many of us were deluded into thinking that such lynch mob mentalities were diminished during the Civil Rights era. We were wrong. Anti-black sentiment, and anti-immigrant sentiment thrive in our culture and are exploited by the wealthy to maintain political control.
Empathy may be a natural human response. But it cannot withstand the constant teaching of disdain that has become so prevalent among America's white and better off classes.
I do, however, think that disdain can be taught. We have all witnessed its being taught, and being displayed with pride. There are entire movements based on decreasing empathy and increasing disdain for those among us who have the least resources.
Thus, public school funding is decreased in favor of private, parochial and charter schools, each of which can be selective about which children they serve. Entire communities are built behind gates and walls so as to separate the "us" from the "them." One political party that once believed in equality (under Ike) changed its entire framework to become disdainful of those who are needy (under Reagan).
The continued intensity of America's racial divide, as evidenced by the unabashed and visceral hatred of our first African American president, or the complete lack of concern for unarmed black people being executed by cops and vigilantes, is shocking in the 21st century. Many of us were deluded into thinking that such lynch mob mentalities were diminished during the Civil Rights era. We were wrong. Anti-black sentiment, and anti-immigrant sentiment thrive in our culture and are exploited by the wealthy to maintain political control.
Empathy may be a natural human response. But it cannot withstand the constant teaching of disdain that has become so prevalent among America's white and better off classes.
18
Or maybe we could just use the last part of the brain to evolve -- i.e., the "thinking" part a/k/a the neo-cortex -- to understand that being more empathetic in reacting to our "neighbors" is more likely to encourage empathy in how they react to us.
But, of course, the neo-cortex, since it is the last part of the brain to evolve, also serves as the pet poodle to our more primal survival instincts, of which empathy in one (see the role of the brain neuro-chemical, oxytocin, in eliciting empathy). And, worse, since the survival instinct of FEAR trumps both reason and empathy (especially when reacting to "neighbors" who are neither kin nor kith nor sweetly-faced like pandas-in-pictures), our not-so-better "angels" are almost certainly to prevail.
But, of course, the neo-cortex, since it is the last part of the brain to evolve, also serves as the pet poodle to our more primal survival instincts, of which empathy in one (see the role of the brain neuro-chemical, oxytocin, in eliciting empathy). And, worse, since the survival instinct of FEAR trumps both reason and empathy (especially when reacting to "neighbors" who are neither kin nor kith nor sweetly-faced like pandas-in-pictures), our not-so-better "angels" are almost certainly to prevail.
3
Mr. Kristof,
I was struck by the comment of Kevin's own brother - "Disability helped Kevin by providing a monthly check that he desperately needed, but it also hurt him because he might have looked harder for a job if he hadn’t been getting those checks, Clayton says".
In other words, gov't handouts were part of the problem, according to his brother, because they made him less likely to look for work. Losing his girlfriend, his kids, his health and his job weren't motivation enough, apparently.
It's not enough for two people to agree that somebody is in trouble, Mr. Kristoff. When one of those persons believes that the cause is a loss of hope from facing too many hard conditions, and the other believes that it is a result of too much coddling, how can they work together on a solution?
The argument that what he needed were good paying job opportunities is irrelevant. It's like saying that teaching someone to fish is better than giving them a fish, without taking into account whether or not the person can afford the fishing gear, has access to a body of water with fish in it, or is a successful fisherman. It ignores the fact that for some people have the equivalent of trawlers and large nets to haul in their fish, while others have a simple rod.
Good paying gov't jobs used to be a source of upward mobility for many people who for one reason or another faced hurdles in the private market. How many people in Yamhill believe that gov't jobs are bad?
I was struck by the comment of Kevin's own brother - "Disability helped Kevin by providing a monthly check that he desperately needed, but it also hurt him because he might have looked harder for a job if he hadn’t been getting those checks, Clayton says".
In other words, gov't handouts were part of the problem, according to his brother, because they made him less likely to look for work. Losing his girlfriend, his kids, his health and his job weren't motivation enough, apparently.
It's not enough for two people to agree that somebody is in trouble, Mr. Kristoff. When one of those persons believes that the cause is a loss of hope from facing too many hard conditions, and the other believes that it is a result of too much coddling, how can they work together on a solution?
The argument that what he needed were good paying job opportunities is irrelevant. It's like saying that teaching someone to fish is better than giving them a fish, without taking into account whether or not the person can afford the fishing gear, has access to a body of water with fish in it, or is a successful fisherman. It ignores the fact that for some people have the equivalent of trawlers and large nets to haul in their fish, while others have a simple rod.
Good paying gov't jobs used to be a source of upward mobility for many people who for one reason or another faced hurdles in the private market. How many people in Yamhill believe that gov't jobs are bad?
11
The reason for the general lack of empathy in this country is also partially due to the fact that this is a country of self starters and entrepreneurs. A big portion of the "wealthy" are entrepreneurs who've "made it" by themselves. They believe they've gone through great adversity on the path to success, but were able to overcome the challenges by themselves. In the eyes of these self-made men, people in tough economic conditions have not worked hard enough.
3
America is the land of people who think "they are a temporarily out of luck millionaires". (John Steinbeck)
The koch bothers, for example, inherited great wealth, never had a moment in life when their needs weren't completely met, and have probably never even met someone not like themselves, except of course for their servants. Yet they aren't satisfied that their wealth has nearly doubled during Obama's terms, they would still destroy him and the America he represents.
They are not exceptions as far as the very wealthy are concerned.
The koch bothers, for example, inherited great wealth, never had a moment in life when their needs weren't completely met, and have probably never even met someone not like themselves, except of course for their servants. Yet they aren't satisfied that their wealth has nearly doubled during Obama's terms, they would still destroy him and the America he represents.
They are not exceptions as far as the very wealthy are concerned.
4
Look into these "self-made" men more closely and you'll find they didn't do it by themselves at all. All along the way there were some other options or people or family or government programs who were there for them. Read Malcolm Gladwell's book on these "self-made" men. And you'll see them for who they are - stepping on others to get where they got. And probably broke a few laws while getting there.
3
Those who've made it often forget how much luck, had to do with it. Who your patents are, where and how you were raised, what your IQ is and whether you have any innate talents. have a great deal to do with one's ability to be successful in life. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur and we shouldn't punish those who aren't, with a lack of empathy and understanding.
4
a distinction worth making/inventing: 1. secondary empathy, the awww factor (see pinker, above) and other inculcations (fiction, etc.);and 2. primary empathy, the experience of nature/the planet being most important and most egregiously ignored
in our education systems (the k-12 experience is practically an exercise in alienation) and socialization customs/ritual and B. communal or shared experience, as in performance when 1000 persons of varying backgrounds, ages and occupations laugh at the same gag and share the connection which is created and develops in real time...another is, instead panel discussions of social issues (replete with arrant opinionism - see cable tv for the arrantest) try a studio setting and improvisations with whoever it is on whatever it is (say black youths and cops for openers) with everyone in the room taking a turn in on stage...guaranteed the experience will dominate any followup comments and questions.
call it "getting real."
in our education systems (the k-12 experience is practically an exercise in alienation) and socialization customs/ritual and B. communal or shared experience, as in performance when 1000 persons of varying backgrounds, ages and occupations laugh at the same gag and share the connection which is created and develops in real time...another is, instead panel discussions of social issues (replete with arrant opinionism - see cable tv for the arrantest) try a studio setting and improvisations with whoever it is on whatever it is (say black youths and cops for openers) with everyone in the room taking a turn in on stage...guaranteed the experience will dominate any followup comments and questions.
call it "getting real."
1
Darwin saw this as an issue of moral development:
"As man advances in civilization, and small tribes are united into
larger communities, the simplest reason would tell each individual
that he ought to extend his social instincts and sympathies to all the
members of the same nation, though personally unknown to him. This
point being once reached, there is only an artificial barrier to
prevent his sympathies extending to the men of all nations and
races. If, indeed, such men are separated from him by great
differences in appearance or habits, experience unfortunately shews us
how long it is, before we look at them as our fellow-creatures.
Sympathy beyond the confines of man, that is, humanity to the lower
animals, seems to be one of the latest moral acquisitions."
--Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man, 1871
"As man advances in civilization, and small tribes are united into
larger communities, the simplest reason would tell each individual
that he ought to extend his social instincts and sympathies to all the
members of the same nation, though personally unknown to him. This
point being once reached, there is only an artificial barrier to
prevent his sympathies extending to the men of all nations and
races. If, indeed, such men are separated from him by great
differences in appearance or habits, experience unfortunately shews us
how long it is, before we look at them as our fellow-creatures.
Sympathy beyond the confines of man, that is, humanity to the lower
animals, seems to be one of the latest moral acquisitions."
--Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man, 1871
9
Thanks, Allan, for your conscious awareness of a great voice in our history.
It's refreshing to get the gift of a good awareness And a great memory......like yours!
It's refreshing to get the gift of a good awareness And a great memory......like yours!
2
Great topic
Some people think empathy has a genetic base, since you can see some very young children, even babies, show an empathetic response, such as tearing up at a sad situation or trying to give comfort when someone is sad or hurt.
Some anthropologists say the only reason we humans survived as a species--we are not as fast, and see, hear, and smell as well as some big animals--is we formed a social bond and protected each other in a group. Of course then the problem becomes we protect ourselves, family, and group, but then engage in conflict and violence with groups we feel threatened by.
I do think parents have a lot to do with whether or not offspring have empathy, such as whether parents valued, role modeled, and expressed empathy, or inhibited/discourage it in their children. This makes me wonder
how the Koch brothers, the neocons, the warmongers, the death penalty enthusiasts, and the anti-abortion who don't want the government providing any help to the mother and children after birth were raised?
The culture can either encourage or discourage empathy, and I also remain amazed that while Americans have long considered themselves to be a friendly, kind, and generous people, this value and norm has been amazingly undermined by the right-wing media, advocacy groups, and an entire political party.
When did "anti-empathy" become a good thing and how? I bet there will be some people reading Kristoff's column and disparaging empathy as a good thing
Some people think empathy has a genetic base, since you can see some very young children, even babies, show an empathetic response, such as tearing up at a sad situation or trying to give comfort when someone is sad or hurt.
Some anthropologists say the only reason we humans survived as a species--we are not as fast, and see, hear, and smell as well as some big animals--is we formed a social bond and protected each other in a group. Of course then the problem becomes we protect ourselves, family, and group, but then engage in conflict and violence with groups we feel threatened by.
I do think parents have a lot to do with whether or not offspring have empathy, such as whether parents valued, role modeled, and expressed empathy, or inhibited/discourage it in their children. This makes me wonder
how the Koch brothers, the neocons, the warmongers, the death penalty enthusiasts, and the anti-abortion who don't want the government providing any help to the mother and children after birth were raised?
The culture can either encourage or discourage empathy, and I also remain amazed that while Americans have long considered themselves to be a friendly, kind, and generous people, this value and norm has been amazingly undermined by the right-wing media, advocacy groups, and an entire political party.
When did "anti-empathy" become a good thing and how? I bet there will be some people reading Kristoff's column and disparaging empathy as a good thing
12
Teach history. Start early. Once you know where a person comes from and why the world is as it is, it's hard to ignore.
Teach literature. After reading Maniac Magee, my students became far more interested in the impact of race relations in their communities.
Teach students about how they feel, and do it in a group. Hearing a person say that they feel frustrated when people exclude them, and having others role-play that situation, will do wonders to teach empathy.
Teach it every day. Empathy is fluid, not a have-it-or-don't state of being.
Teach literature. After reading Maniac Magee, my students became far more interested in the impact of race relations in their communities.
Teach students about how they feel, and do it in a group. Hearing a person say that they feel frustrated when people exclude them, and having others role-play that situation, will do wonders to teach empathy.
Teach it every day. Empathy is fluid, not a have-it-or-don't state of being.
14
Empathy, or the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, can also be learned. If parents empathize with their children and model empathy regarding others their children will grow up and do the same thing. "As a twig is bent...." And although our culture is giving, it also unfortunately leans towards the belief that showing empathy weakens rather than strengthens. And that might be a left-over from the Puritan Work Ethic which promotes hard work, duty, self-discipline and personal responsibility. We've got to get over that.
8
My favorite comment on the cruel severity of the "Puritan Ethic" was by British hostorian Thomas MaCauley, who pointed out that "The Puritans hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators."
A friend from Australia likes to say that the English sent all of their criminals to Australia and all of their religious extremists and nuts to America. So far, he says, the Australians believe they got the better of the deal.
Puritans, in particular, the people at the core of our severe, austere, and unforgiving fundamentalist streak, were a religious minority who were escaping religious persecution by the Church of England and seeking a new land where they could, in turn persecute other religious minorities.
It is from the absolutist and success-worshiping Puritans that we inherited the myth that "Success = Virtue" (they even used a person's material success as a yardstick for assigning seats in their churches) and "Failure = Sin," a belief that makes a mockery of all that was preached in the Sermon on the Mount.
A friend from Australia likes to say that the English sent all of their criminals to Australia and all of their religious extremists and nuts to America. So far, he says, the Australians believe they got the better of the deal.
Puritans, in particular, the people at the core of our severe, austere, and unforgiving fundamentalist streak, were a religious minority who were escaping religious persecution by the Church of England and seeking a new land where they could, in turn persecute other religious minorities.
It is from the absolutist and success-worshiping Puritans that we inherited the myth that "Success = Virtue" (they even used a person's material success as a yardstick for assigning seats in their churches) and "Failure = Sin," a belief that makes a mockery of all that was preached in the Sermon on the Mount.
5
Life would be much easier if our issues boiled down to "it is this or it is that." Empathy is most likely a function of numerous variables, some are underlying emotional drivers. In my career I have worked with hundreds of people; those who were driven to get to the top of ladder - no matter what - showed little regard for anyone, anytime. Although I am not a psychologist/therapist my instincts are these individuals were driven by an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy - no matter how much they achieved they were not good enough. Their climb for more (e.g. top of the ladder, luxury cars, trophy whatever) was not about the external, it was about a feeling of not being enough. This is where it gets complicated: not everyone who wants the top job, the best car, a large pile of money or "picks up the pencils" is motivated for the same reason. For some, seeing poor children suffering will change their point of view, for others it may not.
4
Some of that is attributable to insecurity, no doubt, but, in most cases, our dysfunctional society is breeding and selecting for an inordinate number of sociopathic personalities. The sociopath/psychopath is characterized first and foremost by an inability to feel empathy toward other people. The sociopath is also egotistical, arrogant, self-centered, willing to dominate and even degrade others even if just for amusement, a guilt-free liar who will often lie when the truth would serve just as well, and possessed of a superficial and glib sheen of what is sometimes called "sociopath's charm." People often mistake this charm as evidence that real human emotions underlie it, but the sociopath is merely one who has learned to fake normal social human behavior (and, deep down inside, believes that everybody else also fakes it). The sociopathic "qualities" are a great help in rising to the top in any hierarchical environment and explain why an inordinate number of our corporate executives, politicians, religious leaders, and such are stone sociopaths. Some evolutionary biologists posit that sociopathy is an evolutionary advance (though a socially undesirable one) that allows the guilt-free and conscience-free to gain ascendency over the "herd" of normal people "burdened" with conscience, compassion, and empathy.
1
"There’s also some research suggesting that wealth may impede empathy. One study by psychologists at the University of California at Berkeley finds that drivers of luxury cars are more likely to cut off other motorists and ignore pedestrians at a crosswalk. Likewise, heart rates of wealthier research subjects are less affected when they watch a video of children with cancer."
I notice this on the subway. When people ask for money, it is usually NOT the best dressed people on their way to their high paying job who give. It is others who appear to be more working class. I have always found this very interesting. Thanks for addressing it.
I notice this on the subway. When people ask for money, it is usually NOT the best dressed people on their way to their high paying job who give. It is others who appear to be more working class. I have always found this very interesting. Thanks for addressing it.
7
I struggle with this - I rarely give to a person asking on the subway; I often send relatively large amounts to food banks and other charities to help those in trouble. Which is more empathetic? Which is more useful to people in trouble? Even if giving to organizations that provide longer-term help ends up doing more good, is it right to bypass someone right in front of you that needs help? Is it fair to judge another person's generosity and compassion and empathy based only one whether they give money to a person who is begging?
57
When you give money to a person begging on a street corner, you don't know how that money will be used or whether this is someone who has chosen a hobo lifestyle. For this reason I prefer to donate to organizations I am familiar with and spend time volunteering with service organizations in my local community.
5
I have been scolded by security guards for "feeding the beggars" when I gave to the person in front of me. Now instead, whenever I am asked, I refuse, but then go online and give money to the local shelter. Definitely more money than I would have had in my pocket. Perhaps those well-dressed people you see not giving do not carry cash, either, but need to be reminded to follow-up.
3
Empathy - our Television is flooded with commercials for donations to this or that cause complete with pictures, or small move clips of those we would help. These commercial includes both animals and humans. My response is mainly negative.
If they can afford this expensive commercial time on TV - think of the money they could save if they used the Post Office - these ads must cost thousands of dollars and they play repeatedly - how about less ads and using the money saved for whatever cause the ad is about.
Also some of those asking for money receive government largess or international funding. When I know a certain charity or group receives funding from the Government or international organization it brings my empathy down to ZERO - as I am already contributing via taxation.
If they can afford this expensive commercial time on TV - think of the money they could save if they used the Post Office - these ads must cost thousands of dollars and they play repeatedly - how about less ads and using the money saved for whatever cause the ad is about.
Also some of those asking for money receive government largess or international funding. When I know a certain charity or group receives funding from the Government or international organization it brings my empathy down to ZERO - as I am already contributing via taxation.
2
I am one of those that you say always blames the person for making their own problems. You may have read a response or two of mine over the years to your columns. However, I have no problem (and actually agree) with the premise that these are very unfortunate events that happen to these people. I also agree that we should help. I would be categorized as (depending on the area of the country) to be in the 2-4% of the wealthiest in the country, by income. This has not stopped me from donating both time and food to soup kitchens from time to time. This has not stopped me from purchasing food and clothing for the neediest out there, either. Heck, I've even stopped a lady asking for help in a parking lot and invited her to lunch with me.
None of this changes my perception that many of these situations can at least in part be prevented by better decision making by the persons themselves. It does not take away the necessity of personal responsibility. It also does not stem my resentment of forced government income redistribution from my pocket to others.
Does this mean that I am callous and do not care about others? My actions would suggest otherwise to me. The fact is that some people have different ideas about what is the best way to help. Of course, since my way doesn't involve massive government taxation to strip my money from me without my consent and give it to others, I am called cold and uncaring.
None of this changes my perception that many of these situations can at least in part be prevented by better decision making by the persons themselves. It does not take away the necessity of personal responsibility. It also does not stem my resentment of forced government income redistribution from my pocket to others.
Does this mean that I am callous and do not care about others? My actions would suggest otherwise to me. The fact is that some people have different ideas about what is the best way to help. Of course, since my way doesn't involve massive government taxation to strip my money from me without my consent and give it to others, I am called cold and uncaring.
6
That's largely correct thinking I'd say, but ....
The "but" lies in the difference between the microcosm and the system view. Deciding with solid ethics and empathy in everyday parking lot situations is super, but hearing about life stories with not so fun parts over a lunch, we can still ask ouselves whether we live in a society respecting life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, fraternité, indestructable human dignity, certain unalienable rights, the protection if the four freedoms in the best way possible. We can ask whether the unhappiest life stories in our society have some systemic ingredients next to contributions from bad luck or wrong own decisions. Also looking only at personal key decisions we can ask what freedom to imagine alternatives a given person at a given moment has. Pursuit of happiness has something to do with having the possibility to grow up to responsible and informed decisions, and that has something to do with personality development.
John Adams understood that stuff like pursuit of happiness is meaningless without a "provision by law, that every town consisting of so many families, should be always furnished with a grammar school".
Empathy in everyday situations when stuff had already happened is one thing. The other thing is incorporating our understanding of ethics, empathy, and of the functioning of swarms of humans in industrialised societies into our guidelines for designing a good system of rules, laws, and politics (in a J. Rawls scenario).
The "but" lies in the difference between the microcosm and the system view. Deciding with solid ethics and empathy in everyday parking lot situations is super, but hearing about life stories with not so fun parts over a lunch, we can still ask ouselves whether we live in a society respecting life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, fraternité, indestructable human dignity, certain unalienable rights, the protection if the four freedoms in the best way possible. We can ask whether the unhappiest life stories in our society have some systemic ingredients next to contributions from bad luck or wrong own decisions. Also looking only at personal key decisions we can ask what freedom to imagine alternatives a given person at a given moment has. Pursuit of happiness has something to do with having the possibility to grow up to responsible and informed decisions, and that has something to do with personality development.
John Adams understood that stuff like pursuit of happiness is meaningless without a "provision by law, that every town consisting of so many families, should be always furnished with a grammar school".
Empathy in everyday situations when stuff had already happened is one thing. The other thing is incorporating our understanding of ethics, empathy, and of the functioning of swarms of humans in industrialised societies into our guidelines for designing a good system of rules, laws, and politics (in a J. Rawls scenario).
1
"These people"? The very root of empathy requires us to recognize that we are all "these people" regardless of how much or how little money or success we have.
The problem with your way of responding to the needs and misfortunes of fellow citizens is that it is so scattershot and dependent upon your mood at the moment. You feel like helping someone today -- great! But if not, too bad. Will someone else pick up the slack on those days? Maybe, maybe not. When we all contribute a fair amount through our taxes to provide a general social safety net, we can count on it being there when anyone -- maybe even ourselves -- is in need. I consider this a good use of my earned income, not theft.
5
Service projects would open student's eyes to compassion and empathy; however, it is capitalism that funds these trips. Further, there are not enough service projects opportunities for all of the students in the NYC DOE. Even the prospect of reading literary fiction has its limits due to budget constraints. Economics rules!
2
We need to turn from machines toward people, I mean to say.
Even using this technology impedes communication.
I meant to say that, but I don't always think with a keyboard in front of me.
That is because there is no real audience in front of me.
If there were, I would have corrected myself, or not gone there in the first place. That is what I mean about turning it all off to speak face to face in libraries and public places to act as bases for community. It is our lack of community that drives apathy, the nemesis of empathy.
Even using this technology impedes communication.
I meant to say that, but I don't always think with a keyboard in front of me.
That is because there is no real audience in front of me.
If there were, I would have corrected myself, or not gone there in the first place. That is what I mean about turning it all off to speak face to face in libraries and public places to act as bases for community. It is our lack of community that drives apathy, the nemesis of empathy.
3
Lack of empathy = selfishness. As far as I can determine, the principles of the Social Compact are no longer taught. I remember this quite well from my grade-school days in the 1960s. Today, this concept is often sneeringly referred to a "Socialist." I don't know about that, but I do know that it is a very empathetic way to view one's society.
33
After the Somaly Mann scandal/hoax, how can anyone take seriously anything Mr. Kristof writes. or documents, after all he has not come clean to the public.
3
"I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it." -- Maya Angelou
4
I am ashamed for all the people who commented without empathy on your previous column. My dad, a Vietnam vet and lifelong hard worker, suffered a series of unfortunate events similar to Kevin -- divorce, job loss, serious health issues -- and they knocked him off his feet. It's been heartbreaking to watch, especially because I'm barely scraping by myself and can hardly afford to help him. Warm thoughts and love to the Greens, Mr. Kristof and everyone in similar situations.
27
The only permanent change for helping the hurting is to teach love, making the insufficiently loving among us into greatly loving persons. It can be done, must be. In the eternal condition of passing wealth up to the few; each uses it to support his/her self-esteem with stuff rather than the true self-esteem that love brings from within.
The insufficiency of love within those worshiping money – and in the rest of us who unlovingly get angry at a good-guy crop of Democrats hamstrung by today’s obstinate lap-dog Republicans – are indications of the unlovingness that hurts society; in November’s election, Americans voted Republican because of their anger at Obama.
One of America’s biggest problems is our voting against ourselves out of anger at the good guys; anger is unloving; faith in the good, along with increasing their support, is love. We need more love, which is wisdom, patience, always voting for the most loving candidate at any level, and understanding his/her obstacles.
Until humanity moves to love – a practical doable fix, achievable with the opening of our human minds – humanity will experience these same and worse miseries repeatedly, until Earth is no longer livable.
The introduction to that essential move and love’s many benefits is introduced here: http://love-is-god.com/ (needs some updating for current events). (If one can’t believe in a god – and that’s OK – he/she can believe in love; it’s -- usually-limited expression is all around us.)
The insufficiency of love within those worshiping money – and in the rest of us who unlovingly get angry at a good-guy crop of Democrats hamstrung by today’s obstinate lap-dog Republicans – are indications of the unlovingness that hurts society; in November’s election, Americans voted Republican because of their anger at Obama.
One of America’s biggest problems is our voting against ourselves out of anger at the good guys; anger is unloving; faith in the good, along with increasing their support, is love. We need more love, which is wisdom, patience, always voting for the most loving candidate at any level, and understanding his/her obstacles.
Until humanity moves to love – a practical doable fix, achievable with the opening of our human minds – humanity will experience these same and worse miseries repeatedly, until Earth is no longer livable.
The introduction to that essential move and love’s many benefits is introduced here: http://love-is-god.com/ (needs some updating for current events). (If one can’t believe in a god – and that’s OK – he/she can believe in love; it’s -- usually-limited expression is all around us.)
1
Ironically, Mr. Kristof believes that he has an ideal view of the real world from his insular perch as a NYT columnist.
His scolding and disparaging of others, who are in all walks of life with their own set of difficulties, is inappropriately"holier than thou".
He then cites selected academic research reports that may be equally insular and biased to bolster his own beliefs.
It is Mr. Kristof who needs a dose of humility.
His scolding and disparaging of others, who are in all walks of life with their own set of difficulties, is inappropriately"holier than thou".
He then cites selected academic research reports that may be equally insular and biased to bolster his own beliefs.
It is Mr. Kristof who needs a dose of humility.
5
Somebody is angry. : -)
3
Thank you for your columns on empathy (as well as pretty much every column you have written). I am a Benedictine monk (Mariya uMama weThemba Monastery) who teaches various styles of contemplative prayer to many different types of people and I have found that contemplative prayer will move a person to empathy for others - as well as for themselves - more effectively than any thing else. I have also found that developing empathy for oneself is crucial in the process of developing empathy for others.
4
And thanks for that, brother! When Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourself, he certainly plied you better love yourself a lot, you creature of God, or you won't have much love to give. Cheers!
1
It’s a mystery. Since I was ten, I volunteered to take a blind man who ran the candy stand at our school downtown to do his shopping, beat up the mean kids who taunted a mentally disabled student, never shied away from advocating for those treated unfairly and as an adult went into (surprise) the helping profession. Money was never the most important achievement to me. My twin brother, raised in the exact same environment, isolated himself by reading, achieved high marks in a college of pharmacy, went on to retire with a million dollars on hand, neglecting people who loved him. Today, he is sick and dying but rich. I haven’t got much money, but grow our vegetables, love my life and my family. How did this happen? I haven’t a clue. Truly, not a clue.
12
You are rich. Your brother just has a lot of money. More of us need to learn the difference.
3
Another life mystery. I always felt it took maturity to feel that beautiful human feeling of empathy well up inside oneself.
But my 3 year old granddaughter seemed to have it when her eyes filled with the empathy look and she patted my arm gently when she saw my sad reaction when someone disrespected me.
What a joy to see this in her.
But my 3 year old granddaughter seemed to have it when her eyes filled with the empathy look and she patted my arm gently when she saw my sad reaction when someone disrespected me.
What a joy to see this in her.
4
"Whatever the impact on others, volunteering may at least help the volunteer." How so? Let me suggest that helping others can be one of the greatest MOTIVATORS.
In school, for example, students who help other students to learn, will want to learn more so they are prepared to help. I believe this may be the most important keys to student motivation.
Why should kids have to learn in school for so many years without applying what they learn? By helping other kids learn they may sustain their interest in schooling with a sense of accomplishment.
www.SavingSchools.org
In school, for example, students who help other students to learn, will want to learn more so they are prepared to help. I believe this may be the most important keys to student motivation.
Why should kids have to learn in school for so many years without applying what they learn? By helping other kids learn they may sustain their interest in schooling with a sense of accomplishment.
www.SavingSchools.org
8
Empathy often comes from having parents who made real their compassion. But not looking the other way and understanding what it is must be like to walk in someone else's battered shoes, also creates empathy. Largely as a society we turn our backs in the hope that it is not us, homeless, starving, crippled, hand outstretched. Empathy comes from the heart, not a hashtag. I'm sure there will be a National #haveempathy day soon.
4
Empathy (a feeling) is indeed a precursor in many if not most instances where an appropriate ACTION is needed in order for ameliorable suffering to be relieved. Because WITHOUT such action, said feeling is basically useless, however, I far prefer #BeCompassionate. If the smoke of neighbors in the apartment below mine in this (supposed to be) nonsmoking building gets into the air of my apartment continuously day and night causing me severe chest pain and breathing problems, and I beg them to go outdoors to smoke their cigarettes to prevent my never ending hourly (day and night) literal torture, does their saying, "oh, dear, I feel SO bad for you!" do anything to end my suffering, or does what matter is, they ACT and go outdoors to smoke?
1
Empathy is tough to maintain and can easily become sentimentality as in the case of feeling sorry for cute animals. Although exercises in empathy can be helpful like most things it's how one leads his/her life that counts.
To this end I recommend a tougher exercise; staying engaged with people in difficult situations. Sick friends, a poor family or perhaps some one going through a lengthy, painful divorce. Empathy can wear off quickly and it takes a broader view of how hard life can be to maintain engagement in longer term suffering.
This will make you a stronger and better person in one sense but will also make you aware of you own limitations; an important piece of self knowledge for hanging in there.
A Tibetan Buddhist teacher once said "Keep a tender heart.' By which he meant don't be so enlightened that things don't upset you. Staying engaged will keep you heart tender. You'll need to back off at times to regroup then get back into the fray. Empathy is part of the picture here but you must find your own source of strength for the long run.
To this end I recommend a tougher exercise; staying engaged with people in difficult situations. Sick friends, a poor family or perhaps some one going through a lengthy, painful divorce. Empathy can wear off quickly and it takes a broader view of how hard life can be to maintain engagement in longer term suffering.
This will make you a stronger and better person in one sense but will also make you aware of you own limitations; an important piece of self knowledge for hanging in there.
A Tibetan Buddhist teacher once said "Keep a tender heart.' By which he meant don't be so enlightened that things don't upset you. Staying engaged will keep you heart tender. You'll need to back off at times to regroup then get back into the fray. Empathy is part of the picture here but you must find your own source of strength for the long run.
6
Nature has no mercy or compassion. These attributes are entirely human creations.
What do you mean by "Nature"? if you mean the inherent structure of the universe, I'd agree. But human beings were shaped by evolution, in the context of a specific environment - and in that environment, co-operation and mutual aid, our species' most developed special adaptation. This implies empathy and compassion, which are traits that support and encourage mutualism. These are survival traits. And evolution has very much selected for empathy - it is adaptive in our species. Indeed, the only reason we have ANY emotion or social orientation is because it was evolutionarily adaptive, because having it conferred a differential survival advantage as against those who did not. Empathy and compassion are not human creations. They are artifacts of evolution (although of course they can be developed and expanded by culture.) Is evolution, then, not an expression of nature?
2
Creations that are the result of our human nature. Empathy is not an "artificial construct" the humans invented. It is a behavior that is rooted in the adaptive value of having others in our group succeed. As individuals humans could not have survived. The development of attributes such as empathy that solidified group unity and allowed us to survive made this a part of our nature. In modern society which can give the appearance that support of the group as a whole is no longer needed, empathy can appear to be counterproductive. But this is an illusion. When the ties that bind us begin to fail because we fail to see and feel the needs of others, so too will our society fail.
2
And you've never heard of Gravity? Or magnetism? Or electromagnets? Molecules? Or homeostasis? Or even Karma?
Just stand there. Whatever goes around, comes around.
Just stand there. Whatever goes around, comes around.
We gave a larger proportion of our gross income to charity when we had less money, but we pay much more in taxes than we used to, and our tax dollars help others. We do give much more to charity than we used to, though. As income grows, benefits that most people take for granted, such as tax exemptions for dependents, are scaled back. Other costs, such as family contributions for post-secondary education, grow. Disposable income does not grow at the same rate as gross income.
I'm sorry about your friend. Since I am about the same age, I realize that the hardship that many our age are facing is not their own fault. Not attending college was a rational choice when we were young, as many young people with just a high school education were making more than their counterparts with a bachelor's degree, even if the latter were able to find jobs requiring a degree. My spouse, now a highly-paid executive, worked for several years after graduation in a lowly position paying $8.50 per hour, and we felt fortunate that he had a job that allowed our family to subsist while I cared for our young children. Being born at the wrong time is no picnic, and he would be the first to acknowledge that luck played a part in his getting to his current position.
The full impact of being born a late Baby Boomer is yet to come, I'm afraid, since most in our cohort do not have enough money to retire. I hope that we don't make the mistake of scaling back benefits based upon what current retirees have.
I'm sorry about your friend. Since I am about the same age, I realize that the hardship that many our age are facing is not their own fault. Not attending college was a rational choice when we were young, as many young people with just a high school education were making more than their counterparts with a bachelor's degree, even if the latter were able to find jobs requiring a degree. My spouse, now a highly-paid executive, worked for several years after graduation in a lowly position paying $8.50 per hour, and we felt fortunate that he had a job that allowed our family to subsist while I cared for our young children. Being born at the wrong time is no picnic, and he would be the first to acknowledge that luck played a part in his getting to his current position.
The full impact of being born a late Baby Boomer is yet to come, I'm afraid, since most in our cohort do not have enough money to retire. I hope that we don't make the mistake of scaling back benefits based upon what current retirees have.
2
Empathy is one of those higher characteristic of being human. It is a sentience that I sometime wonder whether it is a survival tool. Being human is also being illogical, albeit we are also the most logical cognitively. It is about one and not about many. It is about another human being. It is universally hardwired in our DNA. Whether that gets expressed, to what capacity, to what dynamic range we allow ourselves to be submersed in it subjectively (think French), whether we want it - all of it have to be answered individually before we can collectively look for a more empathetic society that we desire to live in.
In an empathetic world, 1+1 is equal to infinity. Perhaps that is the real power of humans. Whether we are ready for that, or that we have regressed from hundreds of thousands of years of civilized empathetic cultivation, I honestly don't know. To go back to the primordial survival instincts is to be an animal again. That, is also in our DNA.
If we are all extremely empathetic, our worlds would definitely slow down, pause, look, and feel. Modernity is less about that and more about getting ahead and being the first one there. Destiny (you versus Kevin) is not about that, for it forces you to go one way, being able to only look up and not back, and may not allow for the opportunity to be empathetic. To be empathetic is a luxury that is not bounded by time and material contingencies. It's contagious, like affection. It's a gift where all are winners, like love.
In an empathetic world, 1+1 is equal to infinity. Perhaps that is the real power of humans. Whether we are ready for that, or that we have regressed from hundreds of thousands of years of civilized empathetic cultivation, I honestly don't know. To go back to the primordial survival instincts is to be an animal again. That, is also in our DNA.
If we are all extremely empathetic, our worlds would definitely slow down, pause, look, and feel. Modernity is less about that and more about getting ahead and being the first one there. Destiny (you versus Kevin) is not about that, for it forces you to go one way, being able to only look up and not back, and may not allow for the opportunity to be empathetic. To be empathetic is a luxury that is not bounded by time and material contingencies. It's contagious, like affection. It's a gift where all are winners, like love.
4
Book clubs assigning books that emphasize adopting titles that contribute to our ability to empathize is a large part of the solution, and the creation of mutual aid societies to help people network.
We need to get out of our bubbles, turn off our TVs, computers, and phones.
If we need to have empathy, we must turn away from things and toward computers. And we need to learn to forgive, and to accept forgiveness-- to recognize we have failed to connect and care-- and that includes nearly everyone. It may be that civilization blocks us from that, because civilization creates leisure, and only leisure classes can afford to be aloof.
As you say, in a state of nature, we are empaths. It is only once we become civilized, that our barbarity emerges.
We need to get out of our bubbles, turn off our TVs, computers, and phones.
If we need to have empathy, we must turn away from things and toward computers. And we need to learn to forgive, and to accept forgiveness-- to recognize we have failed to connect and care-- and that includes nearly everyone. It may be that civilization blocks us from that, because civilization creates leisure, and only leisure classes can afford to be aloof.
As you say, in a state of nature, we are empaths. It is only once we become civilized, that our barbarity emerges.
2
I use this check list in my research and therapy supervision. It's fairly straightforward. Since empathy involves a complex package of recognitions, it has a "more or less" quality.
Empathy is an ordinary feature of social life. However, when I sense I am being inadequately empathetic, I might think about the other person's circumstances and ask myself the following questions (or I might even ask them directly):
1. Given their knowledge of the overall current circumstances, what does this person want and value? (And do we share an understanding of what the overall circumstance calls for?)
2. What exactly do they recognize in their circumstance relevant to what they want or value? (And do we share a common appreciation of the relevant circumstances?)
3. What do they know how to do, what skills do they possess, given what they see as their current opportunity or dilemma? (And are they aware of having the needed competencies).
4. What is the significance to them of how they behave in these circumstances?
5. What personal characteristics of theirs are involved or expressed?
6. Can they tolerate the way I express what I understand about them?
http://freedomliberationreaction.blogspot.com/2013/04/regaining-empathy....
Empathy is an ordinary feature of social life. However, when I sense I am being inadequately empathetic, I might think about the other person's circumstances and ask myself the following questions (or I might even ask them directly):
1. Given their knowledge of the overall current circumstances, what does this person want and value? (And do we share an understanding of what the overall circumstance calls for?)
2. What exactly do they recognize in their circumstance relevant to what they want or value? (And do we share a common appreciation of the relevant circumstances?)
3. What do they know how to do, what skills do they possess, given what they see as their current opportunity or dilemma? (And are they aware of having the needed competencies).
4. What is the significance to them of how they behave in these circumstances?
5. What personal characteristics of theirs are involved or expressed?
6. Can they tolerate the way I express what I understand about them?
http://freedomliberationreaction.blogspot.com/2013/04/regaining-empathy....
3
What is interesting is that empathy is Kristof defines empathy among other things as an immediate emotional response to a circumstance. When I see an add put on by one of the international Christian charities showing the incredibly sad plight of children around the world with a call for a monthly donation, my response is both emotional and calculating. To presume that because the wealthy do not agree with the social approaches advocated by some people is an assumption of lack of empathy. My experience is that most wealthy people see a system that encourages certain behaviors through incentives rather than a distribution of services with no reciprocal requirement by the recipient as fundamentally destructive and therefore is not empathy at all. Teach a man to fish. There is also a belief that simply redistributing aid undermines people's will to succeed. Real caring for people is expressed in building a system that creates both a structural and cultural opportunity to succeed. There is no doubt that much more needs to be done and that there are people who lack empathy and hide behind excuses as there are people who create destruction through indiscriminate "charity". More needs to be done but also more needs to be debated on what truly improves the human condition.
2
First, thank you for taking up this important topic in such a public place. I would only add that in addition to the searing embarrassment that comes when a parent or supervisor (or oneself) feels when told or sees a fairlure or empathy, it is important to be helped to see how to help someone. It is often not obvious, and sometimes backfires. A teenage friend who included me in his "gang" comes to mind as a good example or the former. Your piece questions the myth that poor people cannot afford empathy.
I've been cut-off by people in pick-up trucks and fancy cars alike. Truth is, it's difficult these days to distinguish the 1% from the 99% based on the cars they drive. Everyone seems to have nice, new cars....oh, and the newest cell phones too. A lot of people think Mark Zuckerberg is a selfish jerk, but I'm sure he's done more to help the less fortunate than most of those who consider themselves to be empathetic. Empathy is good, but it's a lot more effective with real action and money. I'd bet that there are lots of poor people who would take the money over the pity/empathy if they were forced to choose.
Greed generates possessions which generate attachment/ commitment, which generates "need" and more greed. It is expensive to be rich.
3
You suggest that wealth inhibits empathy, and there is some research that suggests that. But it is also possible that the causality runs the other way: that a lack of empathy makes it easier to become wealthy. So far as I know that has not been studied, and I can't think of any quick way to study it.
8
An easy rule of thumb for explaining why people fail:
Liberal fails: Tough breaks
Conservative fails: Inherent evil.
Makes everything clearer, doesn't it?
Liberal fails: Tough breaks
Conservative fails: Inherent evil.
Makes everything clearer, doesn't it?
1
I recall the article by Sam Polk that appeared in the NYT about a year ago in which he described his former addiction to money. Perhaps in the wealthy this addiction overrides whatever empathy they feel.
2
The obstacle to empathy may be fear in people who realize they themselves are one or two catastrophes away from losing everything. A job loss due to illness or injury and a divorce are in the realm of possibility for a lot of people. Imagining themselves super men and women who will bounce back, power through it, get a great new job at age 55 and build a great new life neutralizes the scary possibilities. Maybe they think people who crash when life crashes around them just didn't try hard enough. They don't measure up to the plucky heroes others imagine themselves to be. Scorning people on the skids and turning away helps in maintaining the illusion it can't happen to them too.
2
Empathy is a feeling, though, and your feelings will predictably cut out on you at times. You need principles and convictions to carry you through those times with correct behavior. Loud Religion in this country will take a Tea Party stance but Christ would not have; neither would Abraham, the Prophet or the Buddha. They would have been realistic and kind at the same time; the illusion is that it is easy to do that; just have the right feelings. No, it's principled work which has to be taught and practiced. Who's doing that?
2
Life is meant to be given away.
1
"Life is meant to be given away"....
And in the "giving" is found new life along the way.
The awareness of needs found in new-found friends,
May move new "empathy" with the heart's new bends.
"Surprised by Joy" may come as a the "Giver's Lift"....
When the circle completes in the Empathetic Gift.
And in the "giving" is found new life along the way.
The awareness of needs found in new-found friends,
May move new "empathy" with the heart's new bends.
"Surprised by Joy" may come as a the "Giver's Lift"....
When the circle completes in the Empathetic Gift.
1
When I was a teenager, I read Kahlil Gibran's beautiful book, The Prophet. It is full of compassion. In On Giving he says:
You often say, "I would give but only to the deserving."
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and nights, is worthy of all else from you....
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver and an instrument of giving.
As they say, words to live by. I have tried to do so ever since.
You often say, "I would give but only to the deserving."
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and nights, is worthy of all else from you....
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver and an instrument of giving.
As they say, words to live by. I have tried to do so ever since.
4
It is so sad it to see that many of us cannot even discuss empathy empathetically.
8
As long as Oil Barons own conservatives, "empathy" must take a back seat to greed.
1
Let me tell you about Kevin Green. Judging from some comments the last two days I feel that some readers have the wrong impression of Kevin. I went to high school with Kevin - and Nick. Kevin was not interested much in school work but he showed up every day and worked hard enough to get his diploma - something that I can't say for a substantial number of Y-C's class of 1979. Like Kevin, I spent my high school years growing up on a farm in the Yamhill area. During the summer of 1978 - after our junior year - Kevin and I were hired by another farmer to gather up hay bales from various fields, transport them to barns throughout the county and stack the bales in those barns for winter. Sound fun to you? Right. To this day, that was - by far - the hardest job I ever had. We started work at 6:00am and worked 10 to 14 hours per day, 6 days per week and were paid $3 and change per hour. Temperatures in the fields were often up to 100F degrees and the barns were a good 10-20F degrees warmer with little air circulation. Despite Kevin's penchant for relaxing with a joint after he got home he never once was late and never, ever complained about the working conditions. Kevin's "problem" was that he was a man who was content with working hard - with his hands and outdoors - and getting paid quite little. Lack of ambition to win the rat race is not a sin. Lack of a safety net for kind, hard working people like Kevin Green is. That is where I think we should focus the talk of inequality.
45
Nick Kristof, You are on a roll. Keep pushing us to be better humans.
5
Which seems to prove that people want to get rich not to bother with other humain beings.
1
Basically it is a mathematical inversion theorem. You increase empathy by decreasing stupidity, which in these United States is a very difficult thing to do.
2
Your article was a very moving tribute.
But what is empathy? Merely feeling for another person is just the very first step in a series of steps that get harder & harder.
I myself service inner city children. Too often 'empathy' means wealthier white people saying how sorry they feel for my students. Then too often here's what I see: they go back to their personal trainers, send their kids to elite privates, live in enclaves surrounded by upper class people like themselves (almost entirely white) and basically construct their lives so that they and their children don't have to have *any* interaction with those less fortunate than themselves. A certain subset of these wealthy people even pass laws that impact my students, but without any expertise in the field or any skin in the game.
Empathy means nothing without action. Action is what is essential, not empathy. Words are cheap.
Working with people to help change their lives is true empathy. Talk is talk but action is all. We are measured by our actions. I am personally very tired of well meaning upper class people who say they have 'empathy' as a replacement for rolling up their sleeves and actually helping. At the risk of being impertinent, Mr Kristof, what help did you give your friend over the years? How involved were you in his life? When he was out of a job, how did you help? When his twins were in jail, how did you help?
But what is empathy? Merely feeling for another person is just the very first step in a series of steps that get harder & harder.
I myself service inner city children. Too often 'empathy' means wealthier white people saying how sorry they feel for my students. Then too often here's what I see: they go back to their personal trainers, send their kids to elite privates, live in enclaves surrounded by upper class people like themselves (almost entirely white) and basically construct their lives so that they and their children don't have to have *any* interaction with those less fortunate than themselves. A certain subset of these wealthy people even pass laws that impact my students, but without any expertise in the field or any skin in the game.
Empathy means nothing without action. Action is what is essential, not empathy. Words are cheap.
Working with people to help change their lives is true empathy. Talk is talk but action is all. We are measured by our actions. I am personally very tired of well meaning upper class people who say they have 'empathy' as a replacement for rolling up their sleeves and actually helping. At the risk of being impertinent, Mr Kristof, what help did you give your friend over the years? How involved were you in his life? When he was out of a job, how did you help? When his twins were in jail, how did you help?
2
@dcl - I think one key phrase in Mr Kristof's previous article was:
"Yet it’s absurd to think that people like Kevin are somehow living it up. "
Given how the current political debate about our future is about 50% weighted towards the idea of dealing with a "moocher-class", Mr Kristof's appeals are quite timely.
"Yet it’s absurd to think that people like Kevin are somehow living it up. "
Given how the current political debate about our future is about 50% weighted towards the idea of dealing with a "moocher-class", Mr Kristof's appeals are quite timely.
2
There are hundreds of studies that all come to the same conclusion, over time, the lucky in our society become very cruel. The more money they have and the longer they have it, the less human they become.
They all resort to stealing from the poor, exploiting resources and people and finally just outright abuse and criminal activity.
The reason is simple, money is a drug and the more they have the more they crave and the more depraved they become in acquiring it.
The best thing we could do to help the rich remain human and not become monsters is make them earn their way back into the human race by setting a 90% tax rate and make earn every tax break.
They do not need to give away money, they need to do the right thing by paying their workers well and treating them like human beings and not disposable property to use up and discard.
They need to be forced to implement safety measures and pollution controls and improvements and expansions to safeguard their businesses from bankruptcy that they love so much to exploit. They are putting their worker's stability and welfare at stake by being horrible business owners.
They are putting our whole country at risk because one of these times, they are going to destroy the economy and we won't get it back, we will be ripe for takeover by a hostile country.
They all resort to stealing from the poor, exploiting resources and people and finally just outright abuse and criminal activity.
The reason is simple, money is a drug and the more they have the more they crave and the more depraved they become in acquiring it.
The best thing we could do to help the rich remain human and not become monsters is make them earn their way back into the human race by setting a 90% tax rate and make earn every tax break.
They do not need to give away money, they need to do the right thing by paying their workers well and treating them like human beings and not disposable property to use up and discard.
They need to be forced to implement safety measures and pollution controls and improvements and expansions to safeguard their businesses from bankruptcy that they love so much to exploit. They are putting their worker's stability and welfare at stake by being horrible business owners.
They are putting our whole country at risk because one of these times, they are going to destroy the economy and we won't get it back, we will be ripe for takeover by a hostile country.
14
The ideas in your last two or three paragraphs are necessary but not sufficient, and you have to find the means to carry them out. There's plenty of literature like Dickens' that could be taught but that seems to be an abstract hope when public school budgets are being gutted in the name of lower taxes and school "reform" (ie, privatization). And why stop at the schools? Where are the mass media? A generation or two ago, the nation all but stopped what it was doing to watch "Roots". Now, apparently, we are supposed to get all worked up about the deflation of a bunch of footballs.
Empathy needs to absorbed from the example of the wider culture, otherwise much of what is formally taught won't stick. If it does stick, it's on an individual level; what's missing is a collective national empathy, because those who shape society's options and politics worship individualism, encourage selfishness and disdain the idea of a common good.
Empathy needs to absorbed from the example of the wider culture, otherwise much of what is formally taught won't stick. If it does stick, it's on an individual level; what's missing is a collective national empathy, because those who shape society's options and politics worship individualism, encourage selfishness and disdain the idea of a common good.
5
There must be something deeply wrong with me that no matter how much I agree with Mr. Kristof's overall conclusions I find him intolerably smug and don't want to be on his side. That he doesn't think personal responsibility exists is just as infuriating as the right wingers who believe the poor, sick, or otherwise unfortunate are looking for handouts, living a cushy moocher existence, or whatever other ignorant, unfeeling nonsense they peddle to try to justify lowering their tax bills. I probably shouldn't read the opinion page.
5
"hat he doesn't think personal responsibility exists"...
You're reading in something that is neither stated, nor implied, in Mr. Kristof's article.
So, perhaps your concluding line is a sound one.
You're reading in something that is neither stated, nor implied, in Mr. Kristof's article.
So, perhaps your concluding line is a sound one.
7
Those who are pushing literature out of the schools (see the Common Core) should understand that it serves a crucial role in our socialization. Also, I don't think it's wealth the destroys empathy, although as you point out isolation from those in need can inure us to their problems. Rather, I think that the type of person who seeks and achieves great wealth is typically lacking in empathy to begin with. In my experience, people who are born into wealth are often better people than the sociopathic parents who made the family fortune, indeed, some number among the most decent and generous people I have ever known.
6
I agree with Mr. Kristof about the need for empathy. As I've aged, I have found that the origins of peoples' circumstances are colored in grey far more than black and white.
That said, I believe one easy way to kill empathy in someone like myself is the way the left always paints my demographic in a negative or undeserving light. Instead of making me want to help, it makes me defensive. Anthems of "white privilege" or "male privilege" or "not paying their fair share" are not constructive to empathy. I am the left's most hated demographic: white, male, straight, middle aged, religious, married, and high earning. Telling me I am the enemy and then asking for my empathy and money is a poor strategy.
That said, I believe one easy way to kill empathy in someone like myself is the way the left always paints my demographic in a negative or undeserving light. Instead of making me want to help, it makes me defensive. Anthems of "white privilege" or "male privilege" or "not paying their fair share" are not constructive to empathy. I am the left's most hated demographic: white, male, straight, middle aged, religious, married, and high earning. Telling me I am the enemy and then asking for my empathy and money is a poor strategy.
5
In my experience with some most dearest to me, I have learned not everyone has or portrays empathy. Empathy is entwined with integrity. And empathy is not so much taught as absorbed into our humanness. I have been told, by these same individuals, of their belief that no one acts, or reacts, thinking of someone else first. One always holds one's own interests and priorities ahead and sbove everyone else. And this is not an expression that can be force-fed or grilled into the DNA of a person. I know. I've tried.
Raised and trained by my immediate and extended family with empathetic overtones (neighborhood, church, school, community), I was quite taken aback to discover that not everyone is wired with empathy. As my experience has unfolded within these relationships over the past 30-some years, I have come to accept, without judgment, their non-empathetic view of the world. As I continue to clarify and express my belief in an empathetic one.
Raised and trained by my immediate and extended family with empathetic overtones (neighborhood, church, school, community), I was quite taken aback to discover that not everyone is wired with empathy. As my experience has unfolded within these relationships over the past 30-some years, I have come to accept, without judgment, their non-empathetic view of the world. As I continue to clarify and express my belief in an empathetic one.
5
Regarding wealth and empathy, I learned long ago, as a pedestrian, not to contest the right of way with a Cadillac, even if I was clearly entitled to it. Many drivers of Caddys don't feel a need to respect crosswalks.
4
I, also a frequent pedestrian, would add gigantic SUVs into this equation. The manner in which so many drivers stop across the crosswalk and appear to not even see me is frightening when one is on foot. Then there are those who do see me and decide to go anyway. Heaven forbid they might have to wait a few extra seconds.
2
When I read Mr. Kristof's column about his friend I thought about how he would have had no clue about the lives of people like Kevin I'd he had grown up in an affluent community or suburb. I, too, grew up in a small town in a rural area and went to school with kids whose families were "dirt poor". Most people I know have never known anyone who struggle the way these people did.
5
I'm skeptical about that experiment where people gazing at Monopoly money and dreaming about wealth were less likely to help someone who dropped his pencils, and that this proved that the wealthy are heartless. I assume that someone looking at pictures of pretty girls or handsome guys and dreaming about romance, or someone looking at pictures of pistachio ice cream or chocolate cakes and dreaming about dessert, would be just as preoccupied and just as likely to fail to help his neighbor pick up pencils. Does this mean that romantics and gourmands are not as empathetic as they should be?
When you tout the personality of someone like George W. Bush for his conviction and his steadfastness over someone like Kerry for his wishy washiness, as Nicholas did, then you are not being empathetic with all of the lower strata people who suffered under Bush's reign of inequality-promotion. When Republicans savage the welfare state and you don't have much to say about that, you are not being empathetic. When you let Republicans get away with vicious vituperation against President Obama you are not being empathetic. When you give the Christian Right a pass even though their private school system circumvents the black population, you are not being empathetic.
11
Some causes asking for empathy are, in my opinion, a national scandal. Mostly I refer to veterans-related charities. Care for a nation's soldiers during their service and in its aftermath is absolutely a national obligation. I cringe at the thought that care for people who put their lives on the line in defense of their nation should depend on the charity of others.
Israel, where I grew up, has a superb system of care for its wounded veterans. Families of soldiers killed in the line of duties are revered and cared for by the state. The reason for this is obvious - obligatory army service.
Israel, where I grew up, has a superb system of care for its wounded veterans. Families of soldiers killed in the line of duties are revered and cared for by the state. The reason for this is obvious - obligatory army service.
4
My anecdotal observations tell me that people struggle to feel empathy for anonymous others. As soon as they can connect a face to the problem (especially one about whom they feel great affection), fellow feeling abounds. Note how such a reactionary voice as Dick Cheney can support gay rights because he has seen the injustice his daughter has endured.
I agree with all the points discussed in the article and would add that our fast-moving, high-tech society has also exacerbated hardheartedness by rendering all our fellow creatures anonymous.
I agree with all the points discussed in the article and would add that our fast-moving, high-tech society has also exacerbated hardheartedness by rendering all our fellow creatures anonymous.
4
American brains tend to be disconnected from their hearts, and when those brains are already deficient in critical thinking and a modicum of schooling in human philosophy, what you get is an ugly American who goes to 'church' and then concludes his charitable work is done and complete.
There's no daily application whatsoever of Christianity in the majority of American life.
I don't believe in religion, but I do believe in good government as the most effective method of running a society.
I would like my taxes raised.
The faux-compassionate religious hypocrites would bark at me to write a check to the government - to make a 'contribution' if I'm so giving - to execute another thoughtless 'Lone Ranger' solution that would solve nothing.
But the solution requires all of us to work together as citizens - it requires an admission that we are a member of society and not just an island...or a sociopath.
Other countries realized this a long time ago without protest from the unique American greedheads that have helped America produce record income and opportunity inequality.
This country had much higher taxes from 1945-1980 and society functioned quite well.
The solution is higher taxes, bigger safety nets, better publicly funded education and healthcare.... and less no-new-tax-nincompoopery, less religious hypocrisy and less unregulated greed.
The greedy, the uncompassionate and the sociopathic can all be taxed back into civilization.....crying tax robbery the whole time.
There's no daily application whatsoever of Christianity in the majority of American life.
I don't believe in religion, but I do believe in good government as the most effective method of running a society.
I would like my taxes raised.
The faux-compassionate religious hypocrites would bark at me to write a check to the government - to make a 'contribution' if I'm so giving - to execute another thoughtless 'Lone Ranger' solution that would solve nothing.
But the solution requires all of us to work together as citizens - it requires an admission that we are a member of society and not just an island...or a sociopath.
Other countries realized this a long time ago without protest from the unique American greedheads that have helped America produce record income and opportunity inequality.
This country had much higher taxes from 1945-1980 and society functioned quite well.
The solution is higher taxes, bigger safety nets, better publicly funded education and healthcare.... and less no-new-tax-nincompoopery, less religious hypocrisy and less unregulated greed.
The greedy, the uncompassionate and the sociopathic can all be taxed back into civilization.....crying tax robbery the whole time.
5
Empathy and kindness exist most productively in the places where people intermingle naturally. Perhaps this is obvious, but "empathy" is hard to measure because of its "habitat," i.e., in the day-to-day activities taking place in homes, offices, streets and all the other by-ways where people interact.
I have known some horrible people who were "altruists" and some wonderful people who never volunteered for anything. The opposite can be true too, of course, but altruism and giving are not themselves reliable gauges of empathy and kindness. Giving can be reflective of many things, some not so worthy of approbation.
It would be nice if we could measure how much, in the aggregate, we "treat each other well." I like to think that, evolutionarily, we are moving more toward the rat that helped the other rat than in the other direction. We have a critical need for interdependence as a species, and this is what fosters empathy, and kindness.
I have known some horrible people who were "altruists" and some wonderful people who never volunteered for anything. The opposite can be true too, of course, but altruism and giving are not themselves reliable gauges of empathy and kindness. Giving can be reflective of many things, some not so worthy of approbation.
It would be nice if we could measure how much, in the aggregate, we "treat each other well." I like to think that, evolutionarily, we are moving more toward the rat that helped the other rat than in the other direction. We have a critical need for interdependence as a species, and this is what fosters empathy, and kindness.
2
In buddhist practice the first step towards compassion for others is compassion for ourselves, i.e. letting go of the denial that keeps us locked in to self-destructive, inevitably painful, cycles. As this happens, we have more energy, and more ability to care for others. We can read books and volunteer. But these comments ring heavy with the denial that continues to support the current economic situation. We need to see, truly see, that in this brand of market economy we are all as vulnerable as Mr. Kristoff's friend. Almost all of us. In an economy where capital is as locked up as it is now, fewer jobs and fewer careers are safe. If we had real compassion for ourselves we wouldn't put up with it any longer. As more people start to recognize their own reality, let's hope the empathy will come.
4
Three unrelated comments.
.
First, at what level does a seeming lack of empathy stem from a need to remind ourselves that it could never happen to us? When we see suffering, isn't it natural to be worried, at some level, that we could be next? And isn't it understandable if we try to look for reasons that won't happen to us? I'm not saying it's right or pretty. But it seems understandable. Granted it doesn't explain why rich people have less empathy than the poor.
.
Second, as a society we seem to be much more willing to accept failure on the part of the rich, than on the part of the poor. We never look at a CEO who's laying of thousands of people and say "you failed. You should have done a better job running your company." But we will say these things, and more, to someone like your friend Kevin.
.
Finally, I'm glad you said "and [help in] needy areas nearby. Your friend Kevin should be a wakeup call to everyone. We don't all need to travel to the Ivory Coast or Myanmar to find human suffering and a place to work. There is plenty of it right here in the US. We might carefully insulate ourselves from it in our lives, but just go to "that part of town," or spend some time doing local outreach, and you'll see it.
.
First, at what level does a seeming lack of empathy stem from a need to remind ourselves that it could never happen to us? When we see suffering, isn't it natural to be worried, at some level, that we could be next? And isn't it understandable if we try to look for reasons that won't happen to us? I'm not saying it's right or pretty. But it seems understandable. Granted it doesn't explain why rich people have less empathy than the poor.
.
Second, as a society we seem to be much more willing to accept failure on the part of the rich, than on the part of the poor. We never look at a CEO who's laying of thousands of people and say "you failed. You should have done a better job running your company." But we will say these things, and more, to someone like your friend Kevin.
.
Finally, I'm glad you said "and [help in] needy areas nearby. Your friend Kevin should be a wakeup call to everyone. We don't all need to travel to the Ivory Coast or Myanmar to find human suffering and a place to work. There is plenty of it right here in the US. We might carefully insulate ourselves from it in our lives, but just go to "that part of town," or spend some time doing local outreach, and you'll see it.
5
Between David Brooks and now Mr. Kristof these journey's into examining the internal states of humans are becoming very tedious. Yes, I know there are a number of very popular books out there on happiness, and grit, and empathy, and altruism, but if you sit down with real experts in the field they would tell you that we no little of this internal human states. Even the reference to these interesting animal studies, really tell us little or nothing about how these results transfer to humans. I understand it is difficult to come up with an op-ed piece twice a week, but do wish columnists would stick to topics that they know something about, rather than these journey's into pop psychology gone wild.
Increasing empathy is an admirable goal for anyone living in a brutal society like the U.S.. But it is problematic. A surfeit of empathy might actually indicate an overfixation on one's self. In other words, the ability to "feel your pain" doesn't necessarily mean I take stops to alleviate it. It just means that I recognize it, and am receptive to it.
Literature illustrates this problem, as well. Take Marianne in Austen's 'Sense and Sensibility.' She is empathic about everything around her, from her dangerous lover Willoughby, to the natural order of the Regency heath. But, In the end, her sentiments blind her to practical decisions.
Austen realized the perils of using empathy as the only way to relate to other people--and entities--in society. It is a wonderful trait. But the value we need today is solidarity; solidarity with those who struggle, solidarity with those who oppose the vicious. I want to live in a society where we can be free to dislike--even disdain--someone, but would never be ok with their children starving.
Literature illustrates this problem, as well. Take Marianne in Austen's 'Sense and Sensibility.' She is empathic about everything around her, from her dangerous lover Willoughby, to the natural order of the Regency heath. But, In the end, her sentiments blind her to practical decisions.
Austen realized the perils of using empathy as the only way to relate to other people--and entities--in society. It is a wonderful trait. But the value we need today is solidarity; solidarity with those who struggle, solidarity with those who oppose the vicious. I want to live in a society where we can be free to dislike--even disdain--someone, but would never be ok with their children starving.
2
A distant relative by marriage was an immigrant. When he cam to the US, he was a card carrying Communist. Eventually he got a job in a liquor store and switched to the Socialist Workers Party. After a few years, he was made the manger of the store and became a Democrat. Finally, when the owner of the store died, his heirs sold the store to my relative, and he became a Republican.
5
Having something to conserve makes you more Conservative. It's a fight to keep those unwilling to acquire for themselves from taking what you've worked for.
1
NYH, Or is it a fight to keep for yourself what you have taken from others.
1
I'm superior to you because I have more empathy for the poor and downtrodden. Not that I'm going to do anything, mind you. My empathy only requires that I ask other people to provide money to the poor.
3
Trips to help serve the poor in Haiti are more likely to build empathy than church painting in Mexico. There's destitution in Port-au-Prince and environs that's so bad, if you aren't empathetic, you are beyond help or dead. So, if you need help, try Haiti first.
Might I add that there are many ways to express empathy. There's hands-on, which is not practical for many of us. God bless those college kids who give it a go.
There is also "funds-on". Pick a charity with minimal overhead and send what you can.
For those of us who still pray, remember the nuns telling us to offer it up for those in need.
Do some research on Haiti. It makes the squalor of Dicken's tales look like a picnic in the park.
Might I add that there are many ways to express empathy. There's hands-on, which is not practical for many of us. God bless those college kids who give it a go.
There is also "funds-on". Pick a charity with minimal overhead and send what you can.
For those of us who still pray, remember the nuns telling us to offer it up for those in need.
Do some research on Haiti. It makes the squalor of Dicken's tales look like a picnic in the park.
5
Your observation is part of a greater truth. Empathy in the abstract is fickle. Today you put $10 in Santa's bucket. The next two weeks you wish the attendant would stop ringing the bell. Sustained empathy comes from understanding those down the economic scale, which requires sustained contact of a personal sort. Owning a coal mine won't get you there. Teaching in a poor school will. But there is nothing that matches a friendship outside your circle. I've had a few of those friendships and I can assure you, 100%, that they're the best road to empathy.
2
On a national level, increase taxes to reduce income inequality. On a local level teach works of literature that feature universal characters. On thing that doesn't work is lecturing people about prostitution (as Kristof has done).
2
For the past 2 years I have been volunteering at a government trade school in English language classes for young Costa Rican adults. The experience has been extremely gratifying, and also very humbling, by the gratitude expressed to me by students and teachers. These students are from mostly poor families (there is NO tuition cost - can you hear this, U.S. Congress?), so for me to see them dedicate themselves full-time to learning English creates great empathy on my part. Without empathy, compassion and understanding, we are but cold, callous beings! Thank you, Mr. Kristof!
1
Yes, an experience in an impoverish country, witnessing the lives of most of the people who share our planet, will make all the difference on judging people who have not had the best opportunities in life and/or make mistakes. Over 30 years ago, I stepped off the plane at age 16 for a year as an exchange student in Bolivia, the poorest country in South America. I lived with a "middle class" family. We were the only family on the unpaved road at the outskirts of the town that had running water - for 1 hour per day. I was stunned, I knew about the living conditions in the poorest neighborhoods of Chicago where my mother was a health worker, but nothing prepared me for the wretched conditions and smells - every day going out of my home I passed children dressed in rags, playing next to open sewers and beggars rushed to me as the only foreigner around. I wrote my parents that I did not see how I could live in a place that was beyond the worse slums in the U.S. But I was treated with kindness and affection that I had never experienced in America society and fell in love. When I returned, the wealth, materialism and waste seemed obscene. It hit me walking into a McDonald's restaurant on the way home from the airport - more luxurious compared to any restaurant I had been to in Bolivia. No one could understand why I was so upset. I am struggling to instill empathy in my own children. Maybe they also need to live outside North American society for a while.
6
Science Prof,
I made a strong connection to your comment, as have had some similar experiences. I moved to Kenya as a volunteer after college to teach in a rural school. It was a life-changing experience. Since then, I have continued living and teaching overseas, both as a volunteer earlier in my career and now as an international teacher in India. Thanks for your comment.
I made a strong connection to your comment, as have had some similar experiences. I moved to Kenya as a volunteer after college to teach in a rural school. It was a life-changing experience. Since then, I have continued living and teaching overseas, both as a volunteer earlier in my career and now as an international teacher in India. Thanks for your comment.
1
The title of the piece is a vitally important question as the world grows smaller. For my part, I don't think levels of empathy are hard wired in healthy people. But then, I'm in Cambodia right now, where evidence of the far sides of the spectrum either way can be found in a 5 minute walk, and seem to vary in good part based on the sorts of indoctrination individuals have received throughout life.
In the U.S., and within a far narrower range of the empathy spectrum, this might play out as whether one has learned to believe the former part or the latter part of Mr. Kristof's last sentence.
In the U.S., and within a far narrower range of the empathy spectrum, this might play out as whether one has learned to believe the former part or the latter part of Mr. Kristof's last sentence.
Lots of luck! Income inequality is the greatest that it has been in decades, and that's a pretty good indicator that our better angels are busy shopping at the mall and funding endless military adventures!
8
Not sure about how to increase empathy, but I know one way to kill it. This is the movement to assign community service as punishment for committing a crime. It seems like such a no-brainer -- a person has harmed society, so make him/her do some good to make up for it.
What about those who simply have the time and ability to contribute their own efforts, not cash, but the more valuable interaction with those who need a bit of genuine caring. Many settings, such as interactions involving adults being with children have their own risks.
If someone needs to do penance for their crimes we need to find a way that does not taint the vast pool of benevolence that could be directed to those in need.
AlRodbell.com
What about those who simply have the time and ability to contribute their own efforts, not cash, but the more valuable interaction with those who need a bit of genuine caring. Many settings, such as interactions involving adults being with children have their own risks.
If someone needs to do penance for their crimes we need to find a way that does not taint the vast pool of benevolence that could be directed to those in need.
AlRodbell.com
1
Over a number of years that I have been involved with international service through my religious denomination, I have seen tremendous increase in week-long mission trips to a number of under-developed parts of the world. Many are what I call "hammer and nails" trips where we Americans go to build churches, paint walls, and dig gardens, then return home feeling quite virtuous about how we have "helped" those poor, unfortunate folks have a better life from our week's labor.
What's the problem with this? We assume that these folks are incapable of lifting a hammer or wielding a paint brush on their own. What might build a better experience would be an "accompaniment experience", sitting down with these folks to learn what their lives are like, walking with them in their neighborhoods or villages to see and better understand their daily challenges, listening and asking how our American foreign policies impact their lives (eg. NAFTA's impact on Mexican farmers), then coming home and contacting our representatives in Congress with our impressions. That method can change lives, and not just the Americans' lives.
What's the problem with this? We assume that these folks are incapable of lifting a hammer or wielding a paint brush on their own. What might build a better experience would be an "accompaniment experience", sitting down with these folks to learn what their lives are like, walking with them in their neighborhoods or villages to see and better understand their daily challenges, listening and asking how our American foreign policies impact their lives (eg. NAFTA's impact on Mexican farmers), then coming home and contacting our representatives in Congress with our impressions. That method can change lives, and not just the Americans' lives.
9
I read that hundreds of millions of dollars worth of wells have been dug in Africa over the last century and that most, as much as 80% in some places, of them are broken and can no longer be used.
The people living there do not know how to maintain them or they refuse to pay even a couple of pennies each towards maintaining them. So yes, they are unwilling or incapable of doing any of it on their own.
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16835-wasted-wells-fail-to-solve-a...
Hundreds of billions of dollars have been spent in third world countries and not a penny of it made any difference at all except to make well off Americans feel good about themselves.
The people living there do not know how to maintain them or they refuse to pay even a couple of pennies each towards maintaining them. So yes, they are unwilling or incapable of doing any of it on their own.
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16835-wasted-wells-fail-to-solve-a...
Hundreds of billions of dollars have been spent in third world countries and not a penny of it made any difference at all except to make well off Americans feel good about themselves.
4
We increase empathy by decreasing the wealth of outsourcing corporations. Greed has become our number one epidemic, and it will lead to the demise of America in centuries to come.
12
Most Americans are empathetic, but it's not a quality that is particularly valued in our society these days. Our country was built on the myth of the individual. That ideal has been perverted to glorify the distorted notion of personal responsibility that excludes our responsibility to others, the mistaken belief that "I built it" with no help from others, the value of Me and the contempt for Us.
I don't know what others see on this Web page, but mine has a banner above the article advertizing something called Black Sail, with the caption, "Take what's yours." There can be no sense that we're in this together when we are constantly bombarded, subliminally and overtly, by messages like this.
I don't know what others see on this Web page, but mine has a banner above the article advertizing something called Black Sail, with the caption, "Take what's yours." There can be no sense that we're in this together when we are constantly bombarded, subliminally and overtly, by messages like this.
30
I share your opinion. America, and --by extension-- Canada, seems to be increasingly insular: the dominant ideology views opposing thoughts as threats; the citizens mistrust immigrants; teachers and police feel isolated and challenged by a once-respectful public; and government leaders spend most of their time protecting their power from challengers, rather than using it to serve the electorate. In all aspects of society, we see examples of individuals rendered blind to the needs of others, and to any form of self-reflection, by this pervasive and near-constant defensive stance.
2
I taught social studies in a wealthy Putnam county suburb of NYC. In my classes I started the year with a video of a situation where an impoverished African child was attempting to gain some form of income through mining, or through the burning of computers to obtain the valuable metals from it. I would follow the video with an exercise about empathy.
It was interesting to observe the responses of many students. The responses of the majority of students, prior to the 2008 recession, was that they did not care about anyone who they did not know. They could not relate to the struggle of these children.
Interestingly, after the 2008 recession, when many of their families were facing home foreclosures, when they had to start saving money of their own to buy a car, when their college funds had disappeared, students displayed more empathy and compassion for the children in the video. Many of them still did not care...sometimes to the point of a sociopathic reaction.
Yes, education can help some to gain empathy. However, I have observed that even with education, people will not change their attitudes toward the suffering of others if they are not impacted by some sort of suffering directly.
How do we solve this problem? Frankly, I am at a loss. The culture of country today is so different from what it was. Since the 1980s there has been a slow decline in compassion and empathy as individuals have become more focused on themselves.
It was interesting to observe the responses of many students. The responses of the majority of students, prior to the 2008 recession, was that they did not care about anyone who they did not know. They could not relate to the struggle of these children.
Interestingly, after the 2008 recession, when many of their families were facing home foreclosures, when they had to start saving money of their own to buy a car, when their college funds had disappeared, students displayed more empathy and compassion for the children in the video. Many of them still did not care...sometimes to the point of a sociopathic reaction.
Yes, education can help some to gain empathy. However, I have observed that even with education, people will not change their attitudes toward the suffering of others if they are not impacted by some sort of suffering directly.
How do we solve this problem? Frankly, I am at a loss. The culture of country today is so different from what it was. Since the 1980s there has been a slow decline in compassion and empathy as individuals have become more focused on themselves.
31
I am also a teacher who teaches overseas at an international school where our student body is comprised of 30-35 nationalities. I have try to spearhead service learning projects at our school with limited success. There are only a handful of students I have met during my teaching career in the U.S. and overseas in five other countries who are truly empathetic and who care deeply about making a difference. Instead, I see a lot of students who simply get involved in service learning to pad their college applications or who do it to gain the requisite 'hours' to graduate with an International Baccalaureate degree or some other HS degree. it's sad really and this question of 'How do I increase empathy?" always comes up.
I try to lead by example. I suppose exposing kids to one-off projects is better than nothing, but I am looking for something that sticks, something that is sustainable. I have learned that service learning and the definition of what is service brings a lot of interesting viewpoints. I think it's important that the relationship with those you are supporting be reciprocal, or where you see people working hand in hand. We are trying to move away from doing things purely for charity where we give things or donate things we 'think' some other group needs.
If anyone has any suggestions for how to encourage or promote empathy and service among teens, show me the light because I still grow frustrated with the lack of it.
I try to lead by example. I suppose exposing kids to one-off projects is better than nothing, but I am looking for something that sticks, something that is sustainable. I have learned that service learning and the definition of what is service brings a lot of interesting viewpoints. I think it's important that the relationship with those you are supporting be reciprocal, or where you see people working hand in hand. We are trying to move away from doing things purely for charity where we give things or donate things we 'think' some other group needs.
If anyone has any suggestions for how to encourage or promote empathy and service among teens, show me the light because I still grow frustrated with the lack of it.
2
How about religion. I was raised a Catholic and have to say I was never really religious. I was never really sold on the miracles or that only Catholics could go to heaven, if there was one, but what stuck were things like doing onto others and casting the first or any stone there after. At least he nuns seemed ahead of the game and although stuck with much of the dogma, when pressed seemed less convinced than the priest.
When I read libertarians on legalizing heroin and suicide I fall back not only on my personal experience and those "hang ups" nurtured in years in Catholic school and can say those ideas are evil. Not in a metaphysical sense but a very secular one. Great evil can be done fore the most compassionate reasons. History proves it time and again.
When I read libertarians on legalizing heroin and suicide I fall back not only on my personal experience and those "hang ups" nurtured in years in Catholic school and can say those ideas are evil. Not in a metaphysical sense but a very secular one. Great evil can be done fore the most compassionate reasons. History proves it time and again.
4
Empathy is being able to imagine yourself in the other person's shoes (a more recent German concept from the 18th c.). Compassion is being able to feel yourself in another's shoes and doing something about it. Compassion is a highly valued virtue in several religious traditions including Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism. Compassion is not natural but a learned disposition that comes through socialization. It is a socialization that requires stories, mentors/examples, and personal experiences. It is a virtue that is upheld as the ideal and struggled for in practice. The key is understanding the reason for compassion, the underlying energizer that drives people away from self-centeredness and toward being other-centered. In Christianity, that drive comes from the centrality of loving our neighbor and our enemy; and in seeing God's presence within the person of another. Compassion is an act of worship that is not peripheral but central to what it means to be human. If you do not have a compelling reason for compassion, instinct will overrun our actions, and that instinct is selfishness.
7
Having spent a professional career working with challenging people, I created what I called the "empathy barometer." The greater the barometer, the healthier the person. Sounds simple but listen to people, if we have no sense of self worth how can we value others?
1
Compassionate Conservatism anyone? A wolf in sheep clothing, talk about the perversion of basic human tendencies.
3
I read with interest your column on empathy. It has long been a subject of concern to me as a licensed therapist and as another human on the planet. The lack of empathy can be observed in even quite young children.The origins of the phenomenon are not easily traced. I often wonder what impact current children's television plays where laughs and an image of "coolness" come from mean spirited put downs.
Following the old saw, "How do you eat an elephant -- one bite at a time."
I began writing a series of picture books for young children under the banner of "Read to Me Talk with Me". The stories, meant primarily to entertain, have questions and answers for reader and child to explore which relate to concepts within the story. A soon to be published one about a dragon who goes to school and is confronted by negativity because of being green, has questions that ask the child to imagine how the dragon might have felt and then to think about children he knows who may be different. How might they feel when similarly confronted? What could the reader do or say that might be helpful? These approaches are by no means curative but perhaps one of the bites of the elephant.
Thank you for a thought provoking column.
Joan J. Harris
Following the old saw, "How do you eat an elephant -- one bite at a time."
I began writing a series of picture books for young children under the banner of "Read to Me Talk with Me". The stories, meant primarily to entertain, have questions and answers for reader and child to explore which relate to concepts within the story. A soon to be published one about a dragon who goes to school and is confronted by negativity because of being green, has questions that ask the child to imagine how the dragon might have felt and then to think about children he knows who may be different. How might they feel when similarly confronted? What could the reader do or say that might be helpful? These approaches are by no means curative but perhaps one of the bites of the elephant.
Thank you for a thought provoking column.
Joan J. Harris
3
Wonderful column - and I urge everyone who is interested in this topic to check out Eyal Press's wonderful book Beautiful Souls, about people who acted bravely for justice and to help others at some peril to themselves. He writes, for instance, of a Swiss bureaucrat who disobeyed his superiors and gave Jews entry visas to Switzerland during WWI, a Serb who acted to save Croation prisoners' lives, an Israeli conscientious objector, a US financial industries whistleblower, and others.
Along with telling their stories, Press explores the personal characteristics that enabled each to behave so bravely, including: a habit of speaking up, a devotion to the ideals of an organization (or nation) versus the organization itself, independence of thought and attitude (a willingness to go against the crowd), and a privileging of empathy over intellect and ideology.
Steven Pinker's own book The Better Angels of Our Nature is also a fantastic resource; in particular, when he discussed novels as a tool for empathy building, and also how increased intelligence and better communications and linkages among diverse communities also builds empathy.
I wrote about Press and Pinker's book here: http://www.hillaryrettig.com/2015/01/07/how-to-have-a-beautiful-soul/
Along with telling their stories, Press explores the personal characteristics that enabled each to behave so bravely, including: a habit of speaking up, a devotion to the ideals of an organization (or nation) versus the organization itself, independence of thought and attitude (a willingness to go against the crowd), and a privileging of empathy over intellect and ideology.
Steven Pinker's own book The Better Angels of Our Nature is also a fantastic resource; in particular, when he discussed novels as a tool for empathy building, and also how increased intelligence and better communications and linkages among diverse communities also builds empathy.
I wrote about Press and Pinker's book here: http://www.hillaryrettig.com/2015/01/07/how-to-have-a-beautiful-soul/
5
I would like to see the U S institute 12 - 18 months of (government) service or contribution required of all people upon graduation of college or at some point. Please fill in the details of age requirement. No exceptions due to socio economic class please - even though we continue to wage war and expect a small minority to risk their lives - sans a draft, some kind of required service would be so healthy for us all to experience, to better appreciate being a citizen of this fine country and more importantly learn some degree of empathy & understanding of the broader world. What a great gift to our country and it people - but with our politics I am sure we could never agree on this.
18
And make living on minimum wage - without any other supports - for at least 6 months a requirement before anyone can run for political office. Until politicians understand from personal experience the unremitting anxiety of not having enough (food, time, money) they will continue to have no real clue what the poor and working poor and even middle class face day in and day out for years or longer.
1
It is no coincidence that a rise in "helicopter parenting" and lack of empathy are occurring in our society simultaneously. If children are shielded from anything that discomforts them and everyone gets a trophy because they're so wonderful, it's no wonder the little darlings never learn to have any other viewpoint than a totally self-absorbed one. These people are often called psychopaths and when they can harness their narcissism, they also get themselves elected to public office where they can do much damage.
18
In reading an oral history of the tragedy of a rich American family, it was not so much of an interest in the above persons, whom I loved and had brought me up, but a way to find out what their friends were saying: some were family members of mine, and I had long known this international cast of 'friends'.
In hindsight, many years later, it is about how a teenager is unable to help a grown-up while the latter is suffering, and one is suffering silently beside the one who means the world to one, that comes foremost to mind.
Reading at a much later age, the comments of all these people whom I knew, it was the lack of empathy to be found in their revelations of their late friends, that were most revealing, and was to give me far greater insight into what defines 'a true friend' when in need.
And, the irony of it all, was that these famous and rich friends, whose contributions to the book were often lethal in condemning a family within their circle, is that they never realized that most of them had suffered tragedies and similar losses of their own - Sorrow reflected like a mirror which was to remain opaque to them. Whether they became more emphatic with age, or did their children now grown, understand what it means to really care, I never found out because I decided to take off on my own and go in search of learning how to become more emphatic on life's journey.
As for people who practice prayer, increased empathy for others may run far deeper than they realize.
In hindsight, many years later, it is about how a teenager is unable to help a grown-up while the latter is suffering, and one is suffering silently beside the one who means the world to one, that comes foremost to mind.
Reading at a much later age, the comments of all these people whom I knew, it was the lack of empathy to be found in their revelations of their late friends, that were most revealing, and was to give me far greater insight into what defines 'a true friend' when in need.
And, the irony of it all, was that these famous and rich friends, whose contributions to the book were often lethal in condemning a family within their circle, is that they never realized that most of them had suffered tragedies and similar losses of their own - Sorrow reflected like a mirror which was to remain opaque to them. Whether they became more emphatic with age, or did their children now grown, understand what it means to really care, I never found out because I decided to take off on my own and go in search of learning how to become more emphatic on life's journey.
As for people who practice prayer, increased empathy for others may run far deeper than they realize.
Empathy (feeling) is the foundation upon which compassion (appropriate action) is built. "I feel so bad for you" when one's *concrete help* (or offer of such by asking, "is there anything I can do to help?") means nothing if one is capable of helping, yet just stands there whining "oh, I FEEL so bad for you/for your situation." In short, building empathy is a necessary first step, but teaching the importance of being willing to Listen to what the sufferer tells us they need in order to pull themselves out of the pit they are in, is just as important as "caring" and praying (speaking as one whose desperate need for smoke-free housing continues because landlords "feel bad" for me and even "pray for" me, but are not willing to enforce nonsmoking policies -- the needed ACTION without which I continue to suffer daily chest pain/pressure from neighbors' fulminous smoke clouds entering my apartment's air.)
1
Grrrr, says Mr. Kristof when reading some of the less-than-emphatic comments about the loss of his childhood friend, and I understand how he feels, having lost mine recently under the saddest of circumstances. Brrrr, I might add.
Telling people that you feel sorry for them is no use what so ever and just makes them feel worse. It is a shabby thing to do, and the best way to proceed for this person here, is to remove the burden from them in some concrete way if one can. Listening for hours but never advising is one way, and after they have wept, you may feel tired while they are redressed. You have taken on some of their luggage in a manner of speaking.
Words are cheap without action, and if a friend is stranded overseas, for instance, instead of telling them that you are concerned, tell them that you are sending a wire transfer to them as a gift if you can.
As for the needed action from uncaring landlords, when it comes to anything that affects one's well-being and welfare, it is a situation that I also find myself in for the last four years, and it is up to me as a mature adult to seek a solution, look at one's options and not go on a whine to my friends, who have their own worries at times.
Let's open our windows, expand our mental horizons and start looking about us in ways to be more caring than give into a state of self-pity. You and I may begin by counting our blessings that we have an apartment, the Kevins of this World may not be so fortunate.
Telling people that you feel sorry for them is no use what so ever and just makes them feel worse. It is a shabby thing to do, and the best way to proceed for this person here, is to remove the burden from them in some concrete way if one can. Listening for hours but never advising is one way, and after they have wept, you may feel tired while they are redressed. You have taken on some of their luggage in a manner of speaking.
Words are cheap without action, and if a friend is stranded overseas, for instance, instead of telling them that you are concerned, tell them that you are sending a wire transfer to them as a gift if you can.
As for the needed action from uncaring landlords, when it comes to anything that affects one's well-being and welfare, it is a situation that I also find myself in for the last four years, and it is up to me as a mature adult to seek a solution, look at one's options and not go on a whine to my friends, who have their own worries at times.
Let's open our windows, expand our mental horizons and start looking about us in ways to be more caring than give into a state of self-pity. You and I may begin by counting our blessings that we have an apartment, the Kevins of this World may not be so fortunate.
I thought it might be interesting to share that my empathy is always strongest for those being opressed by authority. Youtube videos of police violence, in particular, strike a chord. Is this an example of true empathy, or perhaps the expression of a different emotion? Isn't it easier to blame the rich when hearing about the bad things they do? But we're not really empathizing with the poor, we're just channeling resentment against the rich.
1
States of mind, including empathy, are related to how the brain functions. What brain regions are active, how they communicate with each other and the body, and so on. The finding that having people think about suffering activates the vagus nerve may be related to this. Some students in my laboratory are seeing whether they can use brain stimulation (tiny electrical currents designed to change brain function and how brain regions communicate) to alter brain function in a way that increases empathy in people. I personally doubt that we can do much to counter millions of years of evolution driving us to focus more on our own fitness and reproduction than on others', but we may be able to give people the option of thinking and feeling in a more empathetic way.
2
While many people come to empathy and compassion through their religious beliefs, in much of U.S. Christian culture a strong belief in God has the opposite effect.
America is world HQ for counter-biblical "prosperity gospel" philosophy, which preaches that God punishes and rewards in the here and now. If you're poor, well, obviously you deserve it.
Finally, we are the most terrified nation on earth, clinging like frightened children "our" military and guns in the face of reality. We are both death obsessed—witness hyper-violent films, TV shows, video games and so on—and death denying, pretending that somehow it can't or won't touch us. That fear forces many to turn away from those in precarious circumstances.
For the "home of the brave" and the "greatest nation in history" we seem to be on pretty shaky ground when it comes to courage and empathy.
America is world HQ for counter-biblical "prosperity gospel" philosophy, which preaches that God punishes and rewards in the here and now. If you're poor, well, obviously you deserve it.
Finally, we are the most terrified nation on earth, clinging like frightened children "our" military and guns in the face of reality. We are both death obsessed—witness hyper-violent films, TV shows, video games and so on—and death denying, pretending that somehow it can't or won't touch us. That fear forces many to turn away from those in precarious circumstances.
For the "home of the brave" and the "greatest nation in history" we seem to be on pretty shaky ground when it comes to courage and empathy.
28
Probably the foundation for empathy is laid early in life, in the socio-affective interactions between an infant and its caregiver—usually the mother. When it is "good-enough," to use Winnicott's notion—children get a good start in life, including internalizing the sense of guilt when they hurt someone, and also the desire to make amends. Having worked with children in residential treatment, I saw directly the effects on children who were raised under monstrous circumstances by their caregivers, children who were severely abused and traumatized. These children, made deranged by their early environment, generally lacked empathy and the sense of responsibility.
Dr. Scott
Dr. Scott
18
Those 'monstrous circumstances' are too often the result of poverty- lack of money, lack of time, and lack of access to successful or appropriate role models.
Empathy seems fuelled by having enough- but not too much.
Empathy seems fuelled by having enough- but not too much.
1
I had to work much harder with my boys to teach them empathy than my daughters. I really believe it's not a hardwired trait in males and is responsible for much of the misery coming out of the Middle East. Certainly it speaks to the fact that most violence originates with men.
Having said that, empathetic men are rampant in our culture--much more than we can imagine, We just need more of them....
Having said that, empathetic men are rampant in our culture--much more than we can imagine, We just need more of them....
6
Here, "empathy" is another name for love.
And the way to increase empathy has been available for a long time, simply live by these notions: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Of course, getting society to accept, confirm, emphasize and reward these practices is another matter. And how does such change occur? It starts with the individual...
In short, as individuals and as a group, we know how to increase empathy, but we just don't do it.
And the way to increase empathy has been available for a long time, simply live by these notions: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Of course, getting society to accept, confirm, emphasize and reward these practices is another matter. And how does such change occur? It starts with the individual...
In short, as individuals and as a group, we know how to increase empathy, but we just don't do it.
1
I always find watching documentaries helps with empathy. They don't need to have an overt message, just experiencing others' challenges through film is enough.
Two recently on public television were Rich Hill (http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/rich-hill/) and Poor Kids (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/poor-kids/).
Two recently on public television were Rich Hill (http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/rich-hill/) and Poor Kids (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/poor-kids/).
1
Empathy comes from the right brain.
The left brain, reveals itself as the powers of discrimination, self control , exacting judgment.
The right brain, consists of feeling, love, sympathy, kindness, mercy joy.
In the ideal being, these two aspects are perfectly balanced.
But if reason lacks feeling, it becomes calculating harsh, judgmental;
and if feeling lacks reason it becomes blind emotion.
The left brain evolved because it wanted gain. A calculating mind, hungry for power and wealth.
We look down on the simple mind living in harmony with nature.
It is a hungry world of predators, devouring all they see.
The left brain, reveals itself as the powers of discrimination, self control , exacting judgment.
The right brain, consists of feeling, love, sympathy, kindness, mercy joy.
In the ideal being, these two aspects are perfectly balanced.
But if reason lacks feeling, it becomes calculating harsh, judgmental;
and if feeling lacks reason it becomes blind emotion.
The left brain evolved because it wanted gain. A calculating mind, hungry for power and wealth.
We look down on the simple mind living in harmony with nature.
It is a hungry world of predators, devouring all they see.
2
If you want to increase empathy, flatten the income and wealth distribution of the country. The research backs that up, too!
5
People tell themselves that others deserve their fate in part to relieve themselves of caring, of empathy. We can't, individually, save the world, can we? So, if the guy in worn out, dirty clothes is there begging on the street because he deserves to be there, then it is easier to pass him by without a thought.
As for skipping off to Mexico or Guatemala to make yourself feel better by doing some local help work there, huh? The amount of money spent on airline tickets and even cheap hotel stays could probably help more. If I had ever imagined going on such a trip, my thoughts came to an abrupt halt when I read about people cleaning sewers in Mexico. I don't think so. They have enough people to clean their own sewers, if they choose. It is not our job in the world to lead by example.
I do, however, have a suggestion:
If you really want to "make a difference" in some other country, make it a lifelong passion, or at least one that is designed to last a decade or more. Get to know the place, get to know the people and their way of life and align with a group working there that seems to make a real contribution, not just painting and fixing. Don't go somewhere else to paint a church or school. Build a school or help build one.
Yes, caring and empathy are important, but you really aren't going to become an all round better person by ten days mucking about in other people's business, then jetting home.
Doug Terry
As for skipping off to Mexico or Guatemala to make yourself feel better by doing some local help work there, huh? The amount of money spent on airline tickets and even cheap hotel stays could probably help more. If I had ever imagined going on such a trip, my thoughts came to an abrupt halt when I read about people cleaning sewers in Mexico. I don't think so. They have enough people to clean their own sewers, if they choose. It is not our job in the world to lead by example.
I do, however, have a suggestion:
If you really want to "make a difference" in some other country, make it a lifelong passion, or at least one that is designed to last a decade or more. Get to know the place, get to know the people and their way of life and align with a group working there that seems to make a real contribution, not just painting and fixing. Don't go somewhere else to paint a church or school. Build a school or help build one.
Yes, caring and empathy are important, but you really aren't going to become an all round better person by ten days mucking about in other people's business, then jetting home.
Doug Terry
12
maybe every single scolding commenter is a sign of failures of a society in the past ...
... just thinking about what "pursuit of happiness" might have to with fairness in the game of life, with a freely developed personality ... and that by scarring some people's psychology through bad experiences early in life society has a way to infringe upon "pursuit of happiness" which is rarely discussed in sufficient depth ... just thinkin.
... just thinking about what "pursuit of happiness" might have to with fairness in the game of life, with a freely developed personality ... and that by scarring some people's psychology through bad experiences early in life society has a way to infringe upon "pursuit of happiness" which is rarely discussed in sufficient depth ... just thinkin.
1
This is an interesting article, for many reasons, not the least of which is that it is not written in a vacuum and appears to have a great deal of relevance to our common problems as a people. We do not really have any sincere interest in helping each other achieve a fair standard of living, for example, which is really what it is all about. Instead, we seem to tolerate vast differences in well being and even seemingly begrudge, health care for the poor. This lack of empathy is rewarded, many times over in our society, and we have an entire political party devoted to ensuring that empathy is stamped out at every level of society.
9
Thirty-five years ago, a second-rate actor rose to the highest levels of our society. His message was simple: You don't owe anybody else anything.
Americans ate it up. It has become the hallmark of our society. We, as a society, are constantly striving to do less and less for the people with little while transferring ever-more-vast sums of wealth to the already wealthy.
Did this actor's message resonate so strongly because we had no empathy to begin with, or is it because this actor gave us all permission to stop being empathetic?
Whichever, it's likely to be the death of our society. After all, what's the point of a society if it's every person for themselves?
Americans ate it up. It has become the hallmark of our society. We, as a society, are constantly striving to do less and less for the people with little while transferring ever-more-vast sums of wealth to the already wealthy.
Did this actor's message resonate so strongly because we had no empathy to begin with, or is it because this actor gave us all permission to stop being empathetic?
Whichever, it's likely to be the death of our society. After all, what's the point of a society if it's every person for themselves?
96
Empathy, like personal grit, cannot be taught, only emulated by seeing others practice it,and being in a culture that respects it, and gives it high value. Living in Thailand, there are many things about the Buddhist culture I don't understand, but the place of empathy and its practice here, is not one of them. Here it is personally driven by example, not by tautology. There is much that the West can learn about the deeper meaning from the East.
6
Taught? Emulated? To a significant degree, inherited. It's probably a survival-of-the-species trait.
1
As a child learning how to respond to others a parents example is so informative. Simply look at how a parent responds to a beggar on the street and what a child internalizes. A young person reading Dickens and responding to the emotions injustice to others brings can be telling, there should be conversations that help express those feelings. How does one learn to be a critical thinker and overcome the powerful forces of learned behaviors?
2
I've worked in expensive restaurants and private clubs most of my life. There has been a culture that supports itself in that poor people deserve their fate and that if we give the house away, we'll have nothing left to give. It still exists to some extent but now I see that many rich people are much more caring. They want to help. The glaring exceptions are the Koch brothers and their ilk, who give to the arts while they poison the ecosphere but there are many who are looking for a way to give back. That's a good thing.
7
Hate to get all "there but for the grace of God"ish but that's what keeps my levels of empathy up. I never forget that I got lucky with my family and the breaks that came along. Yes, I worked hard and was smart enough to plan, save, and take advantage of the breaks. But it could have gone the other way just as easily. I never ever forget that.
82
Keep in mind that the Internet is a magnet for those who enjoy venting their spleens. Empathy is more on display offline.
13
Great literature and service projects are sure an ingredient. But more fundamentally I think the question is how kids grow up.
Are there parents who read picture books with their kids at toddler age and good story books (+discussion) later? Are there grown-ups helping to resolve conflicts among small children constructively?
Do kids in school age have some freedom for own adventures with their friends. Do they have some time in nature and far away from grown-ups? (E.g. a situation where you have to help carry home a friend's broken bike several miles because she/he has a broken arm?) Was there enough time and freedom for the invention of own games, discussions about fair and unfair game rules, tuning of self-invented games and so on?
I think western societies have to seriously adress how they can better enable this kind of youth also in the future.
Are there parents who read picture books with their kids at toddler age and good story books (+discussion) later? Are there grown-ups helping to resolve conflicts among small children constructively?
Do kids in school age have some freedom for own adventures with their friends. Do they have some time in nature and far away from grown-ups? (E.g. a situation where you have to help carry home a friend's broken bike several miles because she/he has a broken arm?) Was there enough time and freedom for the invention of own games, discussions about fair and unfair game rules, tuning of self-invented games and so on?
I think western societies have to seriously adress how they can better enable this kind of youth also in the future.
6
Great article, Nick. Reminds me of an absolutely unforgettable article in the Magazine a few years back http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/magazine/13dogfighting-t.html
1
I teach empathy. OK, I teach it in a limited fashion: to physicians who have demonstrated a lack of it and whose patient satisfaction scores suffer as a result (or, in some cases, whose employment or licensure is at risk as a result!) I've focused on two sides of the same coin - attitude and behavior. We don't know anyone's attitude; that's internal. We do know their behavior, though. The ideal is when both synchronize and are desirable, i.e., a physician's attitude and behavior are empathetic towards every patient. I don't know if I can change a person's attitude, but I do know I can change a person's behavior by teaching, observing, and coaching in real world situations where the physician being coached knows he (or she) has to change because salary, employment, or licensure is at risk. I've coached many physicians, and about 75 to 80 percent "get" the behaviors simulating empathy. Their scores go up, they keep their jobs and their licenses. Years later, still doing well, have they truly become empathetic? I'm not a psychologist; I've merely done this as a physician trainer. It would be fascinating to find out if their empathetic behavior led to a change in attitude (i.e., truly becoming empathetic) as evidenced by their behavior outside the exam or hospital room. At least their are scores of patients who have benefited from a behavioral change, whether or not there was a true increase in empathy.
19
In supervising caseworkers, actually, the same thing applied. And in how one responds to others. When the behavior is respectful, often the other responds in kind. What might start out as 'acting' becomes rewarded, and - maybe - can result in a switch in attitudes. But since - using inspiration from B F Skinner - I cannot see inside your brain ( leave it to the neurologists, to observe which neurons are firing) I am happy for your good behavior. Whatever else is going on in your head is your business.
1
Moving one's mouth muscles to simulate a smile has been shown to improve mood, so perhaps behaviour is affecting attitude. Here's hoping, anyway.
1
I have been thinking about once a week or once per month having most workers, including senior management, provide a community day where they work with stressed people on things critical to the infrastructure -- not just repainting a church. Many companies do this one or two days per year, but often isolated from the people they are helping. I would actually like two days per month as the economy may need fewer workers -- as a transition to a shorter work week, also easing what may be an unemployment crunch. This type of interaction may do a lot to boost empathy.
3
Thanks. I have been wondering about the empathy of the rich. What is one to make of the facts of the behavior of the super rich in America? Many in America are still suffering from the Great Recession. Yet the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation (money made and tax sheltered in the U.S. ) gives the majority of its budget to needs in other nations - year after year.
Is that fair? Wise? What happens to the empathy and generosity of Americans in the long run? Do we become a nation turned more inward and right wing?
Is that fair? Wise? What happens to the empathy and generosity of Americans in the long run? Do we become a nation turned more inward and right wing?
3
Why do words like "empathy" and "social justice" bother me? I come from a heritage that is Southern and rural, but I grew up in a working class neighborhood in Southern California. Most of my family is reactionary and I guess I would call myself liberal or progressive. To men like myself, empathy and social justice are "weenie words."
I don't want somebody to "feel" for me, to "pity" me, or to "relate" to the life I live. I want respect and what is due me through the work I do. I want a chance to actively participate and to have a right to feel proud of my part in the community. I was taught by my father and grandfather to respect all men who honestly work for a living, and not to look down on any kind of work. I was not taught to feel sorry for others, which is a kind of condescension, if you think about it. "Oh, there but poor fortune go I..."
Let's talk more about "economic justice," and discuss why one guy has to work two jobs to support his family while another guy earns tens of millions of dollars doing what? Let's ask why our economy is being engineered to reduce opportunity, reduce production, and to cheapen labor. But no, we talk about "social justice" and invite the down-and-out to a special party from time to time. We "empathize." "Sorry you're such a loser, dude..."
Maybe the Democratic Party would get more traction at the polls and in the working class precincts if they started using more muscular language and started talking about human rights.
I don't want somebody to "feel" for me, to "pity" me, or to "relate" to the life I live. I want respect and what is due me through the work I do. I want a chance to actively participate and to have a right to feel proud of my part in the community. I was taught by my father and grandfather to respect all men who honestly work for a living, and not to look down on any kind of work. I was not taught to feel sorry for others, which is a kind of condescension, if you think about it. "Oh, there but poor fortune go I..."
Let's talk more about "economic justice," and discuss why one guy has to work two jobs to support his family while another guy earns tens of millions of dollars doing what? Let's ask why our economy is being engineered to reduce opportunity, reduce production, and to cheapen labor. But no, we talk about "social justice" and invite the down-and-out to a special party from time to time. We "empathize." "Sorry you're such a loser, dude..."
Maybe the Democratic Party would get more traction at the polls and in the working class precincts if they started using more muscular language and started talking about human rights.
50
Martin Luther King Jr. talked about the dignity of work.
2
I would love to see an example of liberal empathy that doesn't mean higher taxes and more government regulations.
Liberal compassion is cheap compassion as it always means other peoples money.
Liberal compassion is cheap compassion as it always means other peoples money.
6
I'm liberal, Eric, and I want my low taxes to be raised; that's my money going to the greater good.
America's taxes are still relatively low in spite of the no-new-tax-nincompoopery propaganda and hysteria touted by right-wing carnival barkers.
Corporate profits and 1% incomes are at record high level due to low tax rates.
Taxes are the price of civilization; you can always move to the third world if you really like low-tax nirvana, no infrastructure and no regulation.
It must be very difficult indeed for faux conservatives to admit they have no compassion or sense of humanity toward the less fortunate.
America's taxes are still relatively low in spite of the no-new-tax-nincompoopery propaganda and hysteria touted by right-wing carnival barkers.
Corporate profits and 1% incomes are at record high level due to low tax rates.
Taxes are the price of civilization; you can always move to the third world if you really like low-tax nirvana, no infrastructure and no regulation.
It must be very difficult indeed for faux conservatives to admit they have no compassion or sense of humanity toward the less fortunate.
190
Well said. A stitch in time (a little more tax) saves nine--poverty, decaying infrastructure etc. AKA enlightened self-interest.
12
If you feel a need to pay more taxes there's nothing stopping you. Just write the check and send to to the IRS explaining what you want it to go to. In spite of all his complaints about not paying enough taxes Warren Buffet has yet to write that check and instead has been fighting an IRS assessment for the last 10 years. 50% of his wealth has ben designated to the Gates foundation which means even less taxes.
6
Students don't have to "travel to distant countries" to do service projects. There is poverty and need all around even in the students' own communities. Unless Kristof is only talking about the children of those "luxury" car drivers. Then it becomes a bizarre petting zoo of aid rather than a service project for the community.
14
Well said... one can find plenty to do close to home.
6
What about just being kind to one another on an everyday basis? I see acts of simple kindness and courtesy on the Toronto subway every day that lift my spirits - Helping a young mother get her stroller down the stairs, helping a senior with their shopping cart, offering seats to the elderly, holding the door for the next person. These are small things, but they are easy to do and make a difference. If we help someone else every single day, even in a small way, we will certainly live in a better society.
18
In my almost 68 years on this planet, I have observed that there is an almost direct relationship between educational achievement and empathy. The fact that there is also the same relationship between educational achievement and income would suggest that all the ranting against those who have achieved financial success is no more than that. Silly, stupid, and, as usual, incendiary. The Left just bats its gums.
Actually, that op-ed sparked an astonishing number of responses that took Nick to task for FALSE empathy, which in the case of his friend Kevin concluded that his sad and early demise was at least as much due to choices he had made in life as it did to circumstances that he couldn't control.
Increasing thoughtless empathy is a two-edged sword. Wishing that it be more intensely felt by society risks the kinds of thoughtless programs that consume vast resources without delivering results, something liberals do as naturally as yawning. What diseases might we have conquered with the trillions we've spent in the past fifty years to eliminate poverty, only to find that we have the same 15% of our population "poor" as we did in 1964 at the dawn of LBJ's Great Society?
My own response to Nick's op-ed was sympathetic -- it's a terrible thing to watch a lifelong friend die, something none of us who have had to pass through easily forget; but it also was a practical response. Drawing broader conclusions about the appropriately empathetic state of society from one death among the countless that this sad world has seen, many if not most in circumstances similar to those that claimed Kevin, is unwise.
I'd suggest that before we invest in student trips to faraway or even nearby places to spark greater empathy among the young, that we first take efforts to assure that those who teach ALL our kids can conjugate a verb. Not all can.
Increasing thoughtless empathy is a two-edged sword. Wishing that it be more intensely felt by society risks the kinds of thoughtless programs that consume vast resources without delivering results, something liberals do as naturally as yawning. What diseases might we have conquered with the trillions we've spent in the past fifty years to eliminate poverty, only to find that we have the same 15% of our population "poor" as we did in 1964 at the dawn of LBJ's Great Society?
My own response to Nick's op-ed was sympathetic -- it's a terrible thing to watch a lifelong friend die, something none of us who have had to pass through easily forget; but it also was a practical response. Drawing broader conclusions about the appropriately empathetic state of society from one death among the countless that this sad world has seen, many if not most in circumstances similar to those that claimed Kevin, is unwise.
I'd suggest that before we invest in student trips to faraway or even nearby places to spark greater empathy among the young, that we first take efforts to assure that those who teach ALL our kids can conjugate a verb. Not all can.
38
" something liberals do as naturally as yawning"
we appreciate your empathy...
we appreciate your empathy...
2
Richard,
It's nice to see a little empathy from you for a change. As Jesus put it "The poor will always be with you." This is not a battle we can win. It's a battle we need to keep fighting simply because it's the right thing to do. You mentioned LBJ. His war on poverty was working until he shifted funds to the Vietnam war. It's all a matter of priorities. Was the Vietnam war worth all the blood and treasure?
It's nice to see a little empathy from you for a change. As Jesus put it "The poor will always be with you." This is not a battle we can win. It's a battle we need to keep fighting simply because it's the right thing to do. You mentioned LBJ. His war on poverty was working until he shifted funds to the Vietnam war. It's all a matter of priorities. Was the Vietnam war worth all the blood and treasure?
15
"Everyone can be great because everyone can serve" said Dr. Martin Luther King jr. He did not say that you need to be able to conjugate a verb.
Before the start of the Great Society programs the poverty rate was around 22% and fell to 12% by 1970.
Before the start of the Great Society programs the poverty rate was around 22% and fell to 12% by 1970.
8
"Likewise, the wealthiest 20 percent of Americans give significantly less to charity as a fraction of income (1.4 percent) than the poorest 20 percent do (3.5 percent), according to Bureau of Labor Statistics data."
This is pretty astounding. Particularly when you consider that just perhaps, a significant proportion of this wealthiest 20%, professes some form of Christianity. A religion based on the idea of serving others as a way to serve the Lord.
So, How to increase empathy, if one isn't sufficiently motivated in church services? I think symbols of popular culture can surely help: movies in particular, which often provide a more visceral experience than reading a novel. Just look at the top films up for Oscars. With the exception of the narcissistic Birdman and the over-whimsical Grand Budapest Hotel, we have serious films like American Sniper, Still Alice, The Theory of Everything, and the Imitation Game.
Films exuding the raw human emotion of seeing, and coming to understand, flawed human beings. Humans who struggle against great odds to do great things with uneven results.
OK, I know these are fictional characters, but still: if we can foster empathy as viewers, maybe we can transform some of it to the stories we read in the papers, or in your columns. Your friend Kevin Green who grew up with you in shared experience, until his limits hit the wall of economic resistance.
Simply put: on the bell curve of life, the losers deserve empathy, not judgment.
This is pretty astounding. Particularly when you consider that just perhaps, a significant proportion of this wealthiest 20%, professes some form of Christianity. A religion based on the idea of serving others as a way to serve the Lord.
So, How to increase empathy, if one isn't sufficiently motivated in church services? I think symbols of popular culture can surely help: movies in particular, which often provide a more visceral experience than reading a novel. Just look at the top films up for Oscars. With the exception of the narcissistic Birdman and the over-whimsical Grand Budapest Hotel, we have serious films like American Sniper, Still Alice, The Theory of Everything, and the Imitation Game.
Films exuding the raw human emotion of seeing, and coming to understand, flawed human beings. Humans who struggle against great odds to do great things with uneven results.
OK, I know these are fictional characters, but still: if we can foster empathy as viewers, maybe we can transform some of it to the stories we read in the papers, or in your columns. Your friend Kevin Green who grew up with you in shared experience, until his limits hit the wall of economic resistance.
Simply put: on the bell curve of life, the losers deserve empathy, not judgment.
4
I believe the poor should not have to rely on our empathy, because empathy is such an arbitrary emotion. Why don't we just rely on rationality and evidence which shows us if we invest in young children and families and keep them out of poverty, we are all better off in the end?
14
Maybe a growing majority of people in just this country believe they are the ones worthy of someone else's empathy and even sympathy, people bashed by and still suffering from a chaotic economy. These are the people who don't play the stock market and don't care about the GDP and the falling unemployment rates. They are still unemployed, or underemployed. About 60% of the jobs created are low-wage. They can't even afford ObamaCare. Excuse them if they haven't responded to your invitation to whoop it up with the elites and their empathy bandwagon. They haven't paid their phone bill and have no service. And no empathy.
7
Putting aside the whole gender thing, this article asserts that empathy can be taught (and not Clockwork Orange style). It also asserts how important empathy is for getting things done. Our current low-empathy state in the US is certainly preventing us from getting things done (infrastructure renewal, energy policy, space policy, education, health care reform, immigration, care of the environment - I bet you could name 20 more).
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/01/the-secret-to-smart-...
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/01/the-secret-to-smart-...
3
Thank you for this. Some of the negative comments to Charles Blow's recent column on childhood poverty are still in my head with sadness. And I am reading The Great Gatsby and then read about today's wealthy. I really appreciated this column and comments and some of the comments to Thomas Edsall's column. It feels as if when some politicians ( ok, Republican ones) talk about solutions, I want to look at what they see as the problems. The wealthy in Great Gatsby drive through an environmentally degraded and poverty stricken section of huge ash piles on their way to Manhatten in the 1920's. I am thinking that nowadays, the wealthy avoid even that exposure to other worlds.
8
Nick, I hope you read James Taranto's column on this.
His basic point is that empathy is of no value. How will this help people whose livelihood has been destroyed by impersonal global forces? You have no money and no job, but I feel sorry for you - what good is that? The recipient of you empathy would rather have a way to make money, and have you think he's a jerk.
His basic point is that empathy is of no value. How will this help people whose livelihood has been destroyed by impersonal global forces? You have no money and no job, but I feel sorry for you - what good is that? The recipient of you empathy would rather have a way to make money, and have you think he's a jerk.
2
Democracy and freedom are dependent on our understanding that an individual's well-being is tied directly to the well-being of others. This requires empathy.
11
This has been the genius of conservative politics, especially since the advent of Civil Rights and Voting Rights legislation.
White working class folk who were economically liberal were suddenly forced to think of themselves as paddling the same boat as black middle class folk. They didn't like that because they believed they were superior in all manner. Today, fundamentalist Christians believe they are forced to swim in the same marital waters as gays/lesbians and be considered equals in belief as atheists and Muslims.
So they vote for people and policies that add more wealth to the wealthy because the advocates for the wealthy and powerful use negative stereotypes to drive people into fearfully voting for them. People who are poorer than white Christian working class folk, even though many working class are a few lost paychecks away from joining the very poor, are told to believe that poor people are lazy "welfare queens". They most likely don't imagine is cute child but instead a fat African American lady driving around in a Cadillac with six or seven kids and lots of cash.
So yes there are things that can be done to create a greater empathy. First and foremost is to rid ourselves of bigotry. It will take a few more generations.
The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.
White working class folk who were economically liberal were suddenly forced to think of themselves as paddling the same boat as black middle class folk. They didn't like that because they believed they were superior in all manner. Today, fundamentalist Christians believe they are forced to swim in the same marital waters as gays/lesbians and be considered equals in belief as atheists and Muslims.
So they vote for people and policies that add more wealth to the wealthy because the advocates for the wealthy and powerful use negative stereotypes to drive people into fearfully voting for them. People who are poorer than white Christian working class folk, even though many working class are a few lost paychecks away from joining the very poor, are told to believe that poor people are lazy "welfare queens". They most likely don't imagine is cute child but instead a fat African American lady driving around in a Cadillac with six or seven kids and lots of cash.
So yes there are things that can be done to create a greater empathy. First and foremost is to rid ourselves of bigotry. It will take a few more generations.
The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.
4
How about the simple possibility that people with little empathy are also those personalities that seek monetarily profitable occupations in life. No one goes into teaching or nursing or fire fighting for the money. No one becomes a hedge fund manager out of a great desire to help people. There is a reason why a camel will sooner pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man enter heaven and it isn't merely the money.
40
I, a teacher, had this exact conversation with my husband last week.
1
From just a personal note, my parents are somewhat well off and were absolutely baffled when I went into social services. I worked for a long time with the homeless, disabled vets and low-income residents in the inner-cities. It took a very long time, but eventually, after hearing stories after stories, their opinion slowly changed about the poor. In the beginning, if you were low-income, it was all your own fault. Their knowledge of drug and alcohol abuse was nil because their wealthy friends were able to hide it, sneaking their children into recovery programs instead. They ate at restaurants that were in the area they lived in, shopped at malls that tailored to them, didn't see people living in boxes and in alleys. The suburban schools didn't need lunch programs. In fact a lot of them had menus. A lot of their entertainment took place at golf clubs and the like. I started to invite them to lunch at places close to my home and, when they had to drive there, they would see what I was working with. I gently reminded them about their belief in Jesus by quoting his words back to them. What was most significant, and for me amusing, was the salary I had. You don't make much with non-profits, but I really didn't care. It made me feel more connected. I refused their offers of money and attempts to move me to a "better" place. I asked them to donate the offerings to organizations that I worked with instead. They do now. I believe that change is possible. Exactly how is the question.
136
Lack of empathy comes from the insane belief that one is separate from all other beings, that one can stand alone, and that one's purpose is not linked with anything other than the self. This insane belief must result in a deep, unconscious sense of guilt and fear. Keeping this guilt and fear at bay becomes an end in itself and describes much of the state of much of the world in which we live. True happiness and real safety can only come from exploring empathy in all its various forms. Perhaps this is where we should focus our vast creative talents?
9
I think some people close themselves off after having felt overwhelmed by something -- perhaps they felt overwhelmed by the emotional distress of another, while they were too young to handle it, perhaps they felt overwhelmed by a different sort of trauma or by a series of trauma. I think when this happens, the person may not only close themselves off from others and from the community but also from themselves -- they come to live in a false self and this disconnection can then make it difficult to take steps to effectively heal and become more integrated.
1
Unlike Diana, I don't think the lack of empathy comes from closing ones self off, but by never maturing to fully open oneself to the experiences of others.
Stephen Covey (of The 7 Habits) said that maturity is a process whereby we are dependent initially, then independent, and then interdependent.
Some folks never get to 'interdependent', the state I believe empathy resides in.
Stephen Covey (of The 7 Habits) said that maturity is a process whereby we are dependent initially, then independent, and then interdependent.
Some folks never get to 'interdependent', the state I believe empathy resides in.
Ella,
We start off pretty open as kids, it seems to me.
We start off pretty open as kids, it seems to me.
" Let’s teach Dickens and DeLillo in schools, along with literature that humanizes minority groups and builds understanding."
Wow, what a plan to improve rural economies in the West! There are many reasons why times are so tough in rural areas, including more mechanized agriculture, exhorbitant health care costs, weaker timber industries, retail hurt by online sales, and excessive immigration that lowers wages. Some of these issues can be addressed, but recent policies have made many of the problems worse.
Wow, what a plan to improve rural economies in the West! There are many reasons why times are so tough in rural areas, including more mechanized agriculture, exhorbitant health care costs, weaker timber industries, retail hurt by online sales, and excessive immigration that lowers wages. Some of these issues can be addressed, but recent policies have made many of the problems worse.
4
Why have empathy when we have turned over care of others to the government? We pay taxes which are used to pay for a myriad of welfare programs for others so why care personally and since the wealthy pay most of the federal income tax, the more money we give to the government the less we should care.. Government has it all covered.
1
Well James, there is truth that as I work more hours, I volunteer less. So yes, i willingly pay my taxes because i can't give as much sweat equity to "my communities" -- or the groups that I feel strongest about. I write a larger check instead of spending hours that I no longer have.
Here's the deal. Any one of us, no matter how much we plan, how much we earn, may one day need the kindness of a stranger. A fall, an accident, can easily wipe out savings, memory, ability to earn. I know this. And while I plan, I also know that some day it may be the social worker, the minimum wage aide or just a kind stranger, who becomes the most important person in my life. I just hope i have built up enough good karma that makes them deserving of my attention.
Here's the deal. Any one of us, no matter how much we plan, how much we earn, may one day need the kindness of a stranger. A fall, an accident, can easily wipe out savings, memory, ability to earn. I know this. And while I plan, I also know that some day it may be the social worker, the minimum wage aide or just a kind stranger, who becomes the most important person in my life. I just hope i have built up enough good karma that makes them deserving of my attention.
7
The wealthy pay less of their money in taxes than other groups. If they pay more in absolute dollars. it is because they have so very much more of it. So 10% of Romney's income is bound to be far larger than 30% of someone who earns $50,000. That is simply math. However, Romney keeps 90% and the other person keeps 70%.
Why have empathy James? Indeed, why go out of your way for anyone? Because it enriches you, not your bottom line, you as a human being. People who agree with the sentiments you have expressed don't tend to be very happy people. They are so busy competing with everyone else and looking out for number one they forget that being alive is not a contest. It is an experience and the happiest people are those who think less about themselves than about others. So, don't adopt an attitude of kindness and generosity because it is good for those around you, do it out of selfishness because it is truly in your own enlightened best interested. You will be happier.
Why have empathy James? Indeed, why go out of your way for anyone? Because it enriches you, not your bottom line, you as a human being. People who agree with the sentiments you have expressed don't tend to be very happy people. They are so busy competing with everyone else and looking out for number one they forget that being alive is not a contest. It is an experience and the happiest people are those who think less about themselves than about others. So, don't adopt an attitude of kindness and generosity because it is good for those around you, do it out of selfishness because it is truly in your own enlightened best interested. You will be happier.
6
In our Judeo-Christian culture the primary value is compassion based on connection or empathy with the suffering of others as with the symbol of the suffering Christ on the cross. It is testament to the disconnect of modernity from this core principle and perhaps religion itself that we need to have such a conversation. As a "spiritual but not religious" person, I have found that when we reach a sacred spiritual place whether it be the result of our own suffering or some other seemingly mystical epiphany it brings a profound sense of empathy to others. For in the end we are one--with each other, our planet, our universe. But all too often we are caught up in the tribal primitive fears of human "doing" with its suspicion of the other rather than the enlightened connection to one another that is the true human "being" that we call empathy.
8
As a spiritual and also religious person, I would say you are spot on. The new religion of "ME" is way too pervasive presently in our society, just as it was in the time of the Old Testament. But hey, we are still around so I'd like to believe that Good is still triumphing over Evil; hearing/reading the news everyday makes it hard.
2
My experience tells me that empathy is essentially a private affair, like religion. I’m skeptical towards those, like Mr. Kristof, who preach it, classify it and bend it into the shape of their own political ideology. Life is a more complicated affair, and so is the tender subject of personal empathy.
6
Yes, of course, it is personal but one's political thinking is shaped by one's personal views. Maybe empathy is inborn. I always wondered how my parents were able to instill empathetic feeling in my siblings and me because I wanted to do that for my children. I do remember them telling us to imagine ourselves in the shoes of other people, and to not be selfish. I do think reading fiction helps us to imagine other lives.
3
It's not a political matter. It's a biological reality and quite variable within populations. The ruling wing of America is deficient in the trait.
4
I believe lack of empathy is rooted in fear and denial.
At it's core is a brian working to supress or eliminate the connection with others in harsh circumstances, denying the 'it could be me' scenario. Why? Because it's frightening.
To transfer blame to the those who struggle helps enhance the disconnection and absolves the viewer.
It would be interesting to see if the old reptilian part of the brain flares when non-empathetic individuals see images of those in need.
At it's core is a brian working to supress or eliminate the connection with others in harsh circumstances, denying the 'it could be me' scenario. Why? Because it's frightening.
To transfer blame to the those who struggle helps enhance the disconnection and absolves the viewer.
It would be interesting to see if the old reptilian part of the brain flares when non-empathetic individuals see images of those in need.
12
You have hit upon it.
1
In a teaching workshop years ago, it was discussed that reading to young children and encouraging them to read, rather than watch television, helped to promote empathy.
The logic was that empathy is a function of imagination, and that reading (converting black marks on paper to stories) requires the formation of mental images ("image-ination"). In television, no matter how educational the content, the images are supplied ready-made. Does this somehow vitiate the capacity to sense another person's suffering, or even to see things from their point of view?
The article suggests that rich people are less empathetic, but the study design ("gazing at piles of money"? Really?) seems trite and contrived. When you consider how willing lower-income people in this country are to vote for leaders who espouse callousness, the link with early-childhood TV makes a kind of sense
The logic was that empathy is a function of imagination, and that reading (converting black marks on paper to stories) requires the formation of mental images ("image-ination"). In television, no matter how educational the content, the images are supplied ready-made. Does this somehow vitiate the capacity to sense another person's suffering, or even to see things from their point of view?
The article suggests that rich people are less empathetic, but the study design ("gazing at piles of money"? Really?) seems trite and contrived. When you consider how willing lower-income people in this country are to vote for leaders who espouse callousness, the link with early-childhood TV makes a kind of sense
14
The problem that some "non-empathatheic" people had with the original story of Kevin wasn't that they didn't care about how economic changes increased his inability to get a good job with benefits. The problem was that some of Kevin's actions were not worthy of empathy, especially his decision not to marry the mother of his twin sons because they thought that two people making minimum wage couldn't afford to get married. Couldn't afford the $60.00 that a marriage license costs in Oregon compared to the thousands of dollars it takes to support a family of four? That decision/assumption makes no sense, and no wonder his girlfriend left him and sued for support. I feel sorry for Kevin and the harsh economic circumstances he tried to cope with, but we do have the right to judge other decisions he made that hurt others, especially those two boys who are now struggling with the negative consequences of what their parents failed to do.
8
I do feel sorry for people who are mired in adverse circumstances whether due to their own limitations or the economic structure of this country or both -- and i do a lot of charitable giving and volunteer work to attempt to make a tiny difference.
That doesn't mean I can't legitimately be exasperated by their abysmally bad decisions, especially when it comes to deliberately choosing to produce offspring into those wretched circumstances before they've addressed their own problems. I don't begrudge Kevin his disability payments or any other assistance but I do bedgrudge that when he was already foundering he chose to father children who now apparently are going to be burdens on society one way or the other for decades to come.
Just because one "wants" offspring emotionally doesn't mean one is entitled to have them -- kids are not an ice cream cone, a beer or a big-screen TV, they are a multi-decade, half-million-dollar commitment. I can have empathy for disadvantaged people who want to be parents without approving their choice to become so.
That doesn't mean I can't legitimately be exasperated by their abysmally bad decisions, especially when it comes to deliberately choosing to produce offspring into those wretched circumstances before they've addressed their own problems. I don't begrudge Kevin his disability payments or any other assistance but I do bedgrudge that when he was already foundering he chose to father children who now apparently are going to be burdens on society one way or the other for decades to come.
Just because one "wants" offspring emotionally doesn't mean one is entitled to have them -- kids are not an ice cream cone, a beer or a big-screen TV, they are a multi-decade, half-million-dollar commitment. I can have empathy for disadvantaged people who want to be parents without approving their choice to become so.
6
Today you seem to be working hard to make liberals look bad. You conflate empathy with generosity, and worse, with liberal political views. Your suggestion that we all send our kids to Costa Rica for service projects shows a distinct lack of empathy/ grasp of reality. Most of "us" can't afford to send our kids anywhere. Being a liberal requires more than just wishing that everyone would be "nice."
Before we work on increasing empathy, lets ask why we should. You seem to believe that conservatives are less generous because they have less empathy. I disagree, I think most conservatives think that giving money away is pointless, and they have a point. Many charities are just scams. Maybe the poor give away more money because they are more easily duped (by those pictures of Pandas). Maybe conservatives think that motivation drives success.
If "our" liberal goal is to improve the living conditions of the population we should not be blindly promoting empathy, we should be looking at realistic ways of achieving our goals. Even the fuzziest headed liberals are driven by hard headed self interest. (Certainly those who can afford to send their children to Costa Rica are doing something in their own self interest).
Far better to explain how everyone benefits from a well fed, well educated employed population than to appeal to empathy. We don't have to empathize with "the poor" to recognize that life is better for all of us when we reduce crime and improve productivity.
Before we work on increasing empathy, lets ask why we should. You seem to believe that conservatives are less generous because they have less empathy. I disagree, I think most conservatives think that giving money away is pointless, and they have a point. Many charities are just scams. Maybe the poor give away more money because they are more easily duped (by those pictures of Pandas). Maybe conservatives think that motivation drives success.
If "our" liberal goal is to improve the living conditions of the population we should not be blindly promoting empathy, we should be looking at realistic ways of achieving our goals. Even the fuzziest headed liberals are driven by hard headed self interest. (Certainly those who can afford to send their children to Costa Rica are doing something in their own self interest).
Far better to explain how everyone benefits from a well fed, well educated employed population than to appeal to empathy. We don't have to empathize with "the poor" to recognize that life is better for all of us when we reduce crime and improve productivity.
11
You do realize that many of these trips to help in other countries are financed by fund raising by those who go. For instance, churches and charities contribute to travel expenses. Some of those people also work to fund their trips. Even those whose parents send them most likely benefit from seeing other societies where the poor survive on very little. Some are even inspired to make a career of helping the people in these far off places. If you can't afford the travel expenses, there are always soup kitchens and other places in your very own neighborhood where your children can make a difference and learn about the less fortunate.
2
ML, why do you feel so offended? Why do you see insults where there are none?
N. Kristof has written before that he once grew up in a rural village. I understand him saying: people who don't have hay bales of money, who know how relieving help from family and friends is in tough times, who have helped others when they were down, who live in the lower 70% where life is not always easy, where it bites sometimes, they are likely to have empathy hard-wired and trained. Kristof is on your side. He says only ritzy people whose life is a chain of vernissages, receptions, and other vanity- and career-aimed pseudo-social events have problems with recognising the everyday common sense and common practice of empathy. They're trained to ignore their hard-wired empathy and put it behind a cobweb of world view fabrication. Some then do useless charity stuff to cover up the hole in the heart and the CV ... and incidentally some happen to heal a bit of their soul when they were only intending to do cosmetics on the CV. But his whole column is a plea that training common sense and empathy by growing up normally among common people is much preferrable over covered-up empathy-self-treatment between school and college. But if the unintended self-treatment is one of the few encountered trigger points for empathy in your life, don't throw it away.
N. Kristof has written before that he once grew up in a rural village. I understand him saying: people who don't have hay bales of money, who know how relieving help from family and friends is in tough times, who have helped others when they were down, who live in the lower 70% where life is not always easy, where it bites sometimes, they are likely to have empathy hard-wired and trained. Kristof is on your side. He says only ritzy people whose life is a chain of vernissages, receptions, and other vanity- and career-aimed pseudo-social events have problems with recognising the everyday common sense and common practice of empathy. They're trained to ignore their hard-wired empathy and put it behind a cobweb of world view fabrication. Some then do useless charity stuff to cover up the hole in the heart and the CV ... and incidentally some happen to heal a bit of their soul when they were only intending to do cosmetics on the CV. But his whole column is a plea that training common sense and empathy by growing up normally among common people is much preferrable over covered-up empathy-self-treatment between school and college. But if the unintended self-treatment is one of the few encountered trigger points for empathy in your life, don't throw it away.
4
You ask "why we should" increase empathy at all. This approach and particularly your last paragraph I find problematic. Let me rephrase and exaggerate it a bit:
on the one hand: conservatism - law & order - prosperity - peace through invisible hand even though everybody egoistic --> good
versus: rotten society with bums, thugs, crimes - there are loosers and thus only ariseth the occasion for empathy --> bad
(implicit connotation: empathy's useless and at worst diversion; better work hard to function properly through conservative self-motivation to do stupid work & don't question the system when your job seems to require you deceiving & illegaly outsmarting others who do better work)
The invisible hand is better than idealistic naivety! It organises the better system! And it relieves us all from the burden of caring!
Isn't that some kind of short-sighted rationalisation to hide an egoistic attitude problem from oneself? Talking not about what is right for me to do but about what is the best utilitaristic mass motivation is in my opinion just a means to take the messy human out of the equation, just a lazy way around thinking hard about ethics.
"Many charities are just scams" and some are "more easily duped": quite some cynicism here. Simply don't go to fake charities and help struggling people down the street. Maybe you should be careful of not digging too deep into this cynical world view sophistry some people use to justify an egoistic life to themselves.
on the one hand: conservatism - law & order - prosperity - peace through invisible hand even though everybody egoistic --> good
versus: rotten society with bums, thugs, crimes - there are loosers and thus only ariseth the occasion for empathy --> bad
(implicit connotation: empathy's useless and at worst diversion; better work hard to function properly through conservative self-motivation to do stupid work & don't question the system when your job seems to require you deceiving & illegaly outsmarting others who do better work)
The invisible hand is better than idealistic naivety! It organises the better system! And it relieves us all from the burden of caring!
Isn't that some kind of short-sighted rationalisation to hide an egoistic attitude problem from oneself? Talking not about what is right for me to do but about what is the best utilitaristic mass motivation is in my opinion just a means to take the messy human out of the equation, just a lazy way around thinking hard about ethics.
"Many charities are just scams" and some are "more easily duped": quite some cynicism here. Simply don't go to fake charities and help struggling people down the street. Maybe you should be careful of not digging too deep into this cynical world view sophistry some people use to justify an egoistic life to themselves.
6
Empathy may decline as one's income rises. Both my wife and I started in the bottom 20% and at the end of our careers were in the top 20% but never forgot where we came from. However, any number of people we know that followed a similar path to success are now making every effort to pull the ladder up behind them. We know not whether they fear competition for their current position in the economic and social strata but they have lost their empathy. They endlessly repeat slogans like self reliance, hard work and denigrate those who did not make it. On the other hand, of those we have met who started middle class or above, hubris describes a majority of them coupled with a complete lack of empathy. They will proudly proclaim the volunteer activities they participated in during high school (to get a leg up for college admissions) and how much they donate to certain causes, and yet to get them to volunteer even 2 hours a year for an event benefitting the less fortunate is impossible. They will sincerely ask if a money donation is an adequate substitute. Both groups either forgot or never walked a mile in the shoes of someone who was poor. For many of our fellow boomers, the halcyon days of volunteering in the 60's withered away to a me first attitude. For the younger, there are pockets of volunteerism but I can count on one hand the number of those in their late 20's to 50's who belong to civic organizations and continue to volunteer time.
24
Americans believe in the "Lone Ranger" model of success. You work hard, and you succeed. You don't, and you fail.
What they forget is that others have built the much needed infrastructure on which their success has been built.
We are interdependent, plain and simple.
What they forget is that others have built the much needed infrastructure on which their success has been built.
We are interdependent, plain and simple.
232
Also, racism, that horrible cancer, is a huge impediment to empathy in America. Europe has more generous policies to take care of its people because the countries there are more or else indigenous and homogeneous, although that is changing too. Progress is made when the people suffering organize to shake things up. The success of the Civil Rights and Women's Movements attest to this in this country. No amount of empathy ever leads to the privileged wanting to changing the status quo. Empathy is overrated.
2
And others have built the much-needed infrastructure on which their success has been built . . . and then 'stuff happens'. Many successful people, good hard-working souls, are just a paycheck or two or three from disaster.
3
What Americans also forget is that very, very, very few people have actually made it by being lone rangers. They also forget the morally and socially reprehensible things those "lone rangers" have done and continue to do to accrue their wealth. They are not the kind of people you want to sit next to at dinner.
6
Sad to see so few comments, sad that roughly half of them are sympathetic to the authors view.
Looking out for one's own interests is important but has to be in balance with one's role as member of a community. What this balance looks like and how it is achieved and maintained is essential to what it means to be civilized. Sad that in a country where individualism thrives, this goal is unlikely to even be conceptualized, much less pursued. During WW 2, was maybe the last time when you saw our society moving in this direction.
Looking out for one's own interests is important but has to be in balance with one's role as member of a community. What this balance looks like and how it is achieved and maintained is essential to what it means to be civilized. Sad that in a country where individualism thrives, this goal is unlikely to even be conceptualized, much less pursued. During WW 2, was maybe the last time when you saw our society moving in this direction.
35
Not many readers' comments are published during the overnight hours. So, you won't often see a lot of comments on articles like this till the morning after they're published.
1
I admire Dr. Keltner and his research. He is a great professor. I suggest that to increase empathy a person, or a society, has to want to increase empathy and believe it matters to do so. Right now our society feels it's better off with scorn rather than compassion, blame rather than understanding. This is because with blame and contempt, it's easy to distance ourselves from the less fortunate and pretend that we could never feel the same pain, or be in the same situation. Often, people have to experience great suffering to care about anyone else's suffering. Perhaps if Americans, who usually care about the 'what's in it for me' understand that only with empathy can we see clearly, understand complexity, and better solve problems, may find it worthwhile to care about the pain of others. When we don't care, others' pain tends to come around to us anyway, often in the form of anger and retribution.
74
Agree totally with your sentiments
1
Capitalism without democracy (which is what we have now, really) crushes empathy. Democracy without capitalism is meaningless. We need to restore the balance and it's chicken vs egg whether democracy or empathy comes first.
2
I agree about the great need for more empathy but not convinced that student volunteering overseas is the best way to create it, since I have been researching this question and find the evidence to be very thin. A great deal of money is spent on such trips that sometimes benefit host communities (and sometimes harm them) but are hoped to benefit the volunteers. There are definitely students who are inspired by these experiences, but they appear to be a small minority, and many return from such trips with false stereotypes about poor people or with no change in their lives. Better to promote longer-term involvement in poor communities in the US. It may not look as exciting on a resume, but establishing relationships with people who are unlike oneself and understanding the underlying reasons for their challenges is more likely to have the effect of fostering empathy.
133
I agree. Volunteerism in a foreign country suggests the exotic and lends itself to the notion that poverty only exists "elsewhere." It is indeed less self-serving to volunteer in nearby or local communities, invoking the notion of sacrifice, rather than some corollary tropical sun and fun as reward for acts of compassions. From the experience of many years of volunteerism, the key to the volunteer experiencing is putting oneself on the line to being vulnerable in an unfamiliar, less comfortable situation, and throwing oneself wholeheartedly into the act of giving and sacrificing time, energy, money, compassion, and comfort. Vulnerability and discomfort can often be transformative and healing for all involved. For me, this is empathy, the essence of volunteerism.
6
I see your point. Traveling overseas can take a person out of his/her comfort zone, and make her/him realize how much we take for granted here, but getting to know people you can see over a stretch of years, not weeks, is more likely to cause a person to re-evaluate his/her deeply-held views about how other people "should" live.
1
Volunteering in the US will give you more of the "that could have been me" experience. I often tell people of talking to another volunteer at a food bank, a nice-looking young man. He turned out to be volunteering in gratitude for the food he had received a few months before. He finished school, got a job, leased an apartment--and then got very ill and missed several weeks of work --no accumulated sick leave, so no pay-- and some medical bills not covered by insurance. It was a choice between paying the rent or eating so he paid the rent and went to the food bank. That could have been me. I didn't have vast savings after finishing school, and my parents didn't have a lot...I saw that so many of us are not that far from the edge.
6
I had thought empathy was, like the ability to reason, something that distinguishes a human from other animals, but then Mr. Kristof informs us even lowly rats can show empathy. What does that say about the humans who walk among us who are devoid of empathy?
128
They're more likely to end up in prison for blue or white collar crime?
2
Empathy and altruism are widespread in nature. See video of a female elephant leaving the herd to keep her sister company while the latter tends a sick calf.
2
Compassion is essential for human survival and a natural human response according to Charles Darwin. In fact his work could be defined “As survival of the most compassionate.” (The phrase “survival of the fittest” was coined by Herbert Spencer to justify class and race superiority.) Darwin wrote about compassion as the greatest strength of any social order and concluded that communities which included the greatest number of sympathetic members flourish best. Current research at UCLA and Michigan shows that compassionate people live longer and happier lives. In contrast those who lack compassion have more depression and unhealthy behavior resulting in a shorter life span. Narcissists lack not only empathy but compassion as they believe the world revolves around their desire to be happy? Is the collective psyche of the world “evolving” by losing its ability to have compassion for one another or ensuring its self–destruction?
64
This is an interesting proposition - what does make a person empathetic?
Recently I went to a recital at a local university. The musicians were all healthcare providers, mostly doctors in the area. Every seat was sold out.
The "talent show" if you will, was amazing. Some of the doctors held musical degrees as well, even also graduating from Julliard, for example.
The crowd was a mix, wealthy and no so wealthy. But the purpose of the recital (the ninth year) was what floored me. it was a fundraiser for a homeless organization. Not just any homeless organization, the organization was started by a boy when he was 11 years old because he didn't want other kids to go hungry....and the organization grew and grew, now one of the most known in the area. Even more touching, the little boy who got this off the ground was killed in a car accident, so the parents spoke on his behalf in accepting the night's fundraising donation.
I walk past the Metropolitan Museum of Art --- home of Koch Plaza. I think to myself, "who is this for?" Grown men donating money for a structure to broadcast their name in a place where many from all around the world can see? A plaza?
Then I think to myself, yet a child, an 11 year old boy, can take it upon himself to start a place for the homeless - not for any popular wealthy namesake, but for people down and out off the street, so they won't go hungry, a basic human need.
What is the difference here? A very interesting topic indeed.
Recently I went to a recital at a local university. The musicians were all healthcare providers, mostly doctors in the area. Every seat was sold out.
The "talent show" if you will, was amazing. Some of the doctors held musical degrees as well, even also graduating from Julliard, for example.
The crowd was a mix, wealthy and no so wealthy. But the purpose of the recital (the ninth year) was what floored me. it was a fundraiser for a homeless organization. Not just any homeless organization, the organization was started by a boy when he was 11 years old because he didn't want other kids to go hungry....and the organization grew and grew, now one of the most known in the area. Even more touching, the little boy who got this off the ground was killed in a car accident, so the parents spoke on his behalf in accepting the night's fundraising donation.
I walk past the Metropolitan Museum of Art --- home of Koch Plaza. I think to myself, "who is this for?" Grown men donating money for a structure to broadcast their name in a place where many from all around the world can see? A plaza?
Then I think to myself, yet a child, an 11 year old boy, can take it upon himself to start a place for the homeless - not for any popular wealthy namesake, but for people down and out off the street, so they won't go hungry, a basic human need.
What is the difference here? A very interesting topic indeed.
282
I'm very sorry that young boy lost his life in a senseless tragedy. I am sorry for his family.
But he was a child. As a child, he did not know that nobody is hungry in America. We have a HUGE food stamp program that gives generous benefits to the poor -- a family of four would get about $600 in free food each month. This is more than most working families can afford to spend!
There is only ONE group of children who ARE hungry. These are the children of selfish adults on welfare -- who sell their food stamps, WIC and other benefits to get CASH. They use that cash to buy beer, liquor, pot, Lotto tickets, manicures and hair weaves -- to name a few things. They do not use it to buy food. That would make no sense, given the SNAP and WIC programs.
How did this charity address the abuse and sale of food stamps for cash?
But he was a child. As a child, he did not know that nobody is hungry in America. We have a HUGE food stamp program that gives generous benefits to the poor -- a family of four would get about $600 in free food each month. This is more than most working families can afford to spend!
There is only ONE group of children who ARE hungry. These are the children of selfish adults on welfare -- who sell their food stamps, WIC and other benefits to get CASH. They use that cash to buy beer, liquor, pot, Lotto tickets, manicures and hair weaves -- to name a few things. They do not use it to buy food. That would make no sense, given the SNAP and WIC programs.
How did this charity address the abuse and sale of food stamps for cash?
4
When wealthy individuals make generous contributions, they should be encouraged instead of scorned. For example, David Koch has pledged $100,000,000 for the renovation of the NY State Theater, where fine dance performances continue to be a source of joy to many.
Some wealthy individuals do contribute generously to causes that benefit those most in need and should be encouraged to continue doing so.
Some wealthy individuals do contribute generously to causes that benefit those most in need and should be encouraged to continue doing so.
ss
That $100,000,000 donation also got Koch's name on one of the buildings at Lincoln Center. Wondering what kind of empathy that represents.
That $100,000,000 donation also got Koch's name on one of the buildings at Lincoln Center. Wondering what kind of empathy that represents.
1
We have empathy for those with whom we identify: "That could be me."
It often comes down to this: where do we draw the line around that group we call "us." If "us" includes all our fellow Americans, or better still, all the family of man, we are led to very different views and actions than if "us" means simply our family, our congregation, our "kind." There is also the question of virtue: if you are quick to divide the world into "good guys" and "bad guys" and think the good order of the universe depends on rewarding good guys and punishing bad guys, then it is a simple matter to exclude someone from "us" if they fail some moral test we have set for them. If we think a man's poverty is of his own making, we are disinclined to help. (Yet imagine a child is drowning, and people round the pool doing nothing, and saying, "She was told not to go into the deep end of the pool. She's only getting what she deserves." Or even "Her parents should do something.")
Isn't the whole point of wealth to enable us to remove ourselves from the misfortunes of the many? To give us the liberty, healthy and security most people don't have? To put us "in a class by ourselves" so that there will no longer be a "we" only a "me" or a very small "us"?
This piece should be read in conjunction with Edsall's column on the difference between the way that liberals and conservatives think.
It often comes down to this: where do we draw the line around that group we call "us." If "us" includes all our fellow Americans, or better still, all the family of man, we are led to very different views and actions than if "us" means simply our family, our congregation, our "kind." There is also the question of virtue: if you are quick to divide the world into "good guys" and "bad guys" and think the good order of the universe depends on rewarding good guys and punishing bad guys, then it is a simple matter to exclude someone from "us" if they fail some moral test we have set for them. If we think a man's poverty is of his own making, we are disinclined to help. (Yet imagine a child is drowning, and people round the pool doing nothing, and saying, "She was told not to go into the deep end of the pool. She's only getting what she deserves." Or even "Her parents should do something.")
Isn't the whole point of wealth to enable us to remove ourselves from the misfortunes of the many? To give us the liberty, healthy and security most people don't have? To put us "in a class by ourselves" so that there will no longer be a "we" only a "me" or a very small "us"?
This piece should be read in conjunction with Edsall's column on the difference between the way that liberals and conservatives think.
57
Or like the man passing a drowning person in a raging river calling out,"Just remember, keep the focus on yourself." And the passing man walks on ...
3
To increase your empathy stop watching Fox News.
386
That statement is truer than you know
4
To increase your empathy, get to know and like someone who watches Fox News. Really. They're people, too.
3
Easy to say, hard to do. It's easy to blame it on one news station, but I think the better question is why so many do. What is it that draws them to it in the first place? And how exactly do we change that? I don't know. But, until that question can be answered and then challenged, I don't see things turning around anytime soon.
2
I think the reason it's hard for many people to empathize is because they're afraid to admit just how random this world is. It's hard to admit that if there's some sort of natural disaster or human upheaval that's completely out of your control, or just by virtue of where and when you're born or to whom you're born, your whole life can be affected or dramatically change. So we try to block that out. The person who's down on his luck becomes a sort of pariah, a reminder of all that can go wrong with the world. It's a kind of denial. But I've found in my own life that empathy is its own reward. It helps appreciate your good fortune, makes you a kinder, gentler, more helpful, and, ultimately, a happier, more pleasant person. The world needs more of it. Thank you for your columns.
387
There are definite benefits to having a sense of control over one's life. It allows one to make more data-based decisions, and allows proper assumption of guilt when one does wrong, instead of blaming others. I wonder if it is those who have a strong sense of control over one's life that have no empathy, or if it is the opposite - those who feel blown by life's every wind are the ones who have the least empathy. I suspect both ends of the sense-of-control spectrum lack empathy, but for different reasons. Those in the middle can see themselves either way - in control, or hit with a bad break now and then.
19
Absolutely agree. But I think the other side of it, which is almost always discounted or at least not mentioned, is just as important: that 'successes' are as much a product of luck too. I often here it postulated, and rightly so, that most of us are one unlucky break away from disaster, be it from a wrong turn in health, motor vehicle, tornado, etc. Yet its almost never even acknowledged the extraordinary luck involved for those who have climbed to the top of the socioeconomic ladder. We all want to believe that 'success' is justly deserved, stemming from determination, hard work ethic, innovation, other-key-buzzword-of-the-day, etc. (it seems especially so for those of us who have indeed been 'successful'). And of course that is partly true. Partly. However luck is always there, working behind the scenes.
12
@Mo- "The reason it's hard for many people to empathize is because they're afraid to admit just how random this world is." An insightful comment.
There was a similar hostile reaction to a recent article about cancer, circulating widely, that said 50% of cancer cases are due to sheer "bad luck" in the cell division. Many people refuse to believe that so much of life is random, and that even someone with a healthy lifestyle can be hit by bad luck. It's so much easier to point fingers - you got cancer because you are not a vegetarian, you became a pauper because you didn't work hard enough.
There was a similar hostile reaction to a recent article about cancer, circulating widely, that said 50% of cancer cases are due to sheer "bad luck" in the cell division. Many people refuse to believe that so much of life is random, and that even someone with a healthy lifestyle can be hit by bad luck. It's so much easier to point fingers - you got cancer because you are not a vegetarian, you became a pauper because you didn't work hard enough.
9
We have a long way to go when some readers who write comments, equate empathy with progressives having bleeding hearts and encouraging the poor to remain poor by merely acknowledging there but for the grace of God go I.
50
No, rather I look at an unfeeling person such as yourself and think "There, but for the grace of God, go I."
In had a brush with living in your friends shoes, The most insulting people I encountered were running the food pantry at a church. They could congratulate themselves for doing God's work while hurting their fellow mankind. Those who used to be friends wouldn't pick up the phone or return my calls because as one put it, I always made them feel awful. In other words, not only did I have the temerity to be impoverished, it was also my fault for failing to giftwrap it so they didn't have to look at it.
Honestly, the worst part of it is being absolutely alone with problems bigger than one person alone can resolve for long periods of time. It's like solitary confinement without the jail cell walls, mind crushingly painful.
Those Grrrr responses came from people with every excuse to not have to have to look through your friend's eyes. Looking at pictures of Pandas or patting yourself on the back for reinforcing your values on other people like the church painting actually inhibit the kind of empathy lacking for your friend. They make it an exercise like going to the gym rather than engaging in real work that actually addresses the issue. Take care of poor working mother's children so she can work worry free instead.
It's about weaving people who have been pushed out of the fabric of society back in: a good job referral or a good doctor or fixing the sink. Want to build empathy? Pick up the phone and call those who've "dropped" out of your circle.
Honestly, the worst part of it is being absolutely alone with problems bigger than one person alone can resolve for long periods of time. It's like solitary confinement without the jail cell walls, mind crushingly painful.
Those Grrrr responses came from people with every excuse to not have to have to look through your friend's eyes. Looking at pictures of Pandas or patting yourself on the back for reinforcing your values on other people like the church painting actually inhibit the kind of empathy lacking for your friend. They make it an exercise like going to the gym rather than engaging in real work that actually addresses the issue. Take care of poor working mother's children so she can work worry free instead.
It's about weaving people who have been pushed out of the fabric of society back in: a good job referral or a good doctor or fixing the sink. Want to build empathy? Pick up the phone and call those who've "dropped" out of your circle.
183
Those of us that Mr. Kristof (and yourself) see as "Grrrr..." and "not sympathetic enough" -- we actually know the Kevins of the world. We see them daily, not just "once every 45 years". We actually talk to them, and most likely we TRIED to help them along the way -- only to find out they took the cash we gave them for food or rent, and spent it on pot and liquor and cigarettes and beer.
4
I heard a very powerful sermon in London at the Church of St. Martin in the Fields before Christmas that urged a similar approach and I found the argument compelling: the homeless have fallen through the web of society and have no one to turn to. We should seek to maintain contact with those who we know - and those who we don't if we dare - to help them feel like they are among us. Supporting charities that support the homeless and help them to reenter society is important too - but saying hello to those that you see every day on the same corner isn't a bad place to start.
2
Your call for a return to "community" is the best solution to the empathy problem I have seen in these comments. Don't get me wrong, traveling to other countries sounds great, but as a poor kid working my way through undergrad, these outreach opportunities would have meant losing my job. They were something the rich kids did to round out their applications for graduate school or, let's be honest, for plain old vacation. How about spending a few months teaching in depressed schools in your own town, volunteering at the retirement community down the street, mowing the lawn of the senior citizen that lives next door, or, as you suggest, helping the working mom to provide a support through service.
4
One wonders. Darwin's theory of the species survival - the "fittest" being the ultimate winners, seems to point away from compassion and toward combatitiveness. But does it?
Sociologists also see the cooperation among members of early human societies as a key trait in the rise of homo sapiens to our present status as the dominant species within nature. Cooperation and compassion are allies, both relying on empathy as their underpinning.
Homo sapiens are social animals. And the refinement of social behavior is essential in human success.
Or think of it this way: financial success requires an economy. And what is an economy? It is a set of mutually acceptable rules for the transaction of business - a form of cooperation.
Sociologists also see the cooperation among members of early human societies as a key trait in the rise of homo sapiens to our present status as the dominant species within nature. Cooperation and compassion are allies, both relying on empathy as their underpinning.
Homo sapiens are social animals. And the refinement of social behavior is essential in human success.
Or think of it this way: financial success requires an economy. And what is an economy? It is a set of mutually acceptable rules for the transaction of business - a form of cooperation.
16
Darwin never said his theory related to "the survival of the fittest." Survival fitness has nothing to do with cage fighting, or NY Sports Club, or Triathletes. It refers to being fit for, or suited to a niche in nature. There are more ants in the world than people. Do ants do bench-presses?
7
Hate to say it but....the United States, a young nation, was NOT founded on empathy nor did it display empathy throughout most of its years to its Black population. People SEE this, it is viewed and learned and subsequently internalized. Slavery was a disgrace - how could it be taught and accepted to treat an entire group of people that way? Jim Crow was no better. And now immigration and Latinos. There have been MORE displays of hatred and separatism and stinginess in America overall than displays of empathy collectively
57
Right, and you forgot to mention wiping out the Indians right from the beginning.
2
Perhaps, as part of an early education program, we can teach about the reality of interdependence. Specifically, how every single pleasure or happy moment can easily be traced to the kindness of others. Also, how ones own kindness can lead to our own happiness. This would be of benefit in so many ways.
16
"Likewise, the wealthiest 20 percent of Americans give significantly less to charity as a fraction of income (1.4 percent) than the poorest 20 percent do (3.5 percent), according to Bureau of Labor Statistics data."
Sure, but how much is that 1.4% in real dollars compared to that 3.5%?
Sure, but how much is that 1.4% in real dollars compared to that 3.5%?
Bad logic, Scott. What you're saying is that if one rich 20-percenter gave a billion dollars, and a million of the poor 20-percenters gave $100 each, then the rich 20-percenters are, overall, manifesting more generosity. You might want to reconsider.
29
Perhaps another way to look at this is the % of disposable income that is given to charity?
2
I agree. We are discussing empathy, not amounts of money. The point is that the poor, who can least afford it, are giving more than the rich.
3
One of the most amazing things of my adult life is the discovery of how easy it is to make money off of other money and savings. at a 7% return, your money doubles every 10 years, a 15% return it doubles in 5. I have worked hard in my life to save some money in a 401k, and now getting about half of what I earn on the job in straight appreciation on invested money. Believe me it is a lot easier to watch the market double your savings than it is to go out and work and earn a salary. I can only imagine how much easier it is for people who inherit large amounts from trust funds or their parents to make it in this world. I wish that we could acknowledge this as a society and particularly in the Republican party.
138
This is really an excellent observation. Once you have the means to leverage tax-advantaged accounts, America works much better for you in terms of accumulating wealth. If only those in that position also accumulated empathy at such compounding rates.
5
Good luck finding a consistent 7% return on anything. The stock market? Yes, but you can also lose everything in a nanosecond. And brokers charge big fees and eat up your profits.
The bank? hahahaha. I haven't seen 7% interest since the early 80s. I just was at the bank; my retirement CDs are now earning 0.09%. That is not a typo. It's less than than 1/10th of 1 percent. Essentially NOTHING.
You've clearly done well, but most Americans have not. And it's not fair to ask that every person be skilled investment specialist or knowledgeable about the stock market. Because most people ARE NOT. That's why we have SS, meager as it is.
Some rich people inherit vast sums, and can live like princelings with no worries. This has ALWAYS been the case; the rich are always with us. But they are a tiny minority.
I have known some rich people in my life. The ones with inherited wealth rarely turn out well -- knowing they are useless fools, they often get taken advantage of. And it is very possible to lose even a vast fortune, if you live a Midas-like lifestyle and don't work, and let your handlers take advantage of you.
The bank? hahahaha. I haven't seen 7% interest since the early 80s. I just was at the bank; my retirement CDs are now earning 0.09%. That is not a typo. It's less than than 1/10th of 1 percent. Essentially NOTHING.
You've clearly done well, but most Americans have not. And it's not fair to ask that every person be skilled investment specialist or knowledgeable about the stock market. Because most people ARE NOT. That's why we have SS, meager as it is.
Some rich people inherit vast sums, and can live like princelings with no worries. This has ALWAYS been the case; the rich are always with us. But they are a tiny minority.
I have known some rich people in my life. The ones with inherited wealth rarely turn out well -- knowing they are useless fools, they often get taken advantage of. And it is very possible to lose even a vast fortune, if you live a Midas-like lifestyle and don't work, and let your handlers take advantage of you.
4
whatever happened to the golden rule?? charitable behavior, not sentimentality, is not so much a matter of heredity but of fostering a civilized approach that, in the long run, benefits the entire society and its future. it seems that our simplistic notion of 'free markets' may be the culprit and has jumped the track from economic interactions into social interplay; short term outcomes--what's in it for me?--have come to outweigh the longer view--what's in it for my children and their children?--which is nuts from an evolutionary standpoint.
8
The only way to really increase empathy in this country is by breaking the stranglehold that the super-wealthy have on our politics and our economy. All the other things you suggest (student service trips, etc.) are trifles by comparison.
106
One would think that those who have risen from poverty and made it into if not wealth at least upper middle class standing, would be empathic about those who are still struggling.
However, it has been my experience that too often these are the ones whose mantra is "I did it, so they can too" and who feel that what they have should not be wasted on "the lazy and the good-for-nothings."
As to empathy about those in danger and need very far away such as Africa and the Middle East (right now the main points of need) it is not empathy that is lacking from the average viewer of the latest TV news. One has to ask the question "what can we do about it" and we move on.
Most of the problems, as I see it, start with the lack of empathy that those who govern have for those whom they govern. In many cases lately, in America and overseas, we hear a lot about how religious people are and how their god is one of love, but we don't see much empathy being exhibited by them or by us overall.
However, it has been my experience that too often these are the ones whose mantra is "I did it, so they can too" and who feel that what they have should not be wasted on "the lazy and the good-for-nothings."
As to empathy about those in danger and need very far away such as Africa and the Middle East (right now the main points of need) it is not empathy that is lacking from the average viewer of the latest TV news. One has to ask the question "what can we do about it" and we move on.
Most of the problems, as I see it, start with the lack of empathy that those who govern have for those whom they govern. In many cases lately, in America and overseas, we hear a lot about how religious people are and how their god is one of love, but we don't see much empathy being exhibited by them or by us overall.
15
I have long been troubled by the lack of empathy in our culture. Volunteer opportunities can help. The church I pastor sends 90 volunteers on a youth trip to Appalachia every summer. The kids (and adults) repair homes getting to interact with the homeowners/families in the process. It is a powerful experience for them. The question I ask is whether it really is "life changing" as so many come back saying.
87
"Life changing?" Good question. Undoubtedly, it has a feel-good quality, and this is too common in "charitable good works." Many question the Peace Corps--unavoidably, young Americans behave like young Americans, who show-case attitudes and habits that might be better left at home. Reminds me too much of the catechism of my youth and its "corporal works of mercy; and of Pharisees with their weighing scales.
1
As a pastor myself, I think the benefits of such "mission" trips is questionable. Most of the time it is a group of good middle class kids going into a poor section of the country to "interact" with the poor, to "touch the unwashed." But certainly NOT to endure their poverty!
And life-changing effect will be experience by those who visit, not those who love there. And I am not sure that even that is lasting, for they soon forget, after a public tear-filled meeting at the church, and they return to their DDDs [Digital Distraction Devices] and soon forget the whole thing.
I wouldn't do it, frankly. But then again, I am Baptist, and we tend to be more serious about our faith than most.
And life-changing effect will be experience by those who visit, not those who love there. And I am not sure that even that is lasting, for they soon forget, after a public tear-filled meeting at the church, and they return to their DDDs [Digital Distraction Devices] and soon forget the whole thing.
I wouldn't do it, frankly. But then again, I am Baptist, and we tend to be more serious about our faith than most.
1
That is a pure example of "poverty tourism".
I'll bet those kids come back, telling tales of just how awful it was -- those rednecks! the filth! the tacky furnishings! the lack of wi fi or electronics! No Apple Store!
I'll bet those kids come back, telling tales of just how awful it was -- those rednecks! the filth! the tacky furnishings! the lack of wi fi or electronics! No Apple Store!
4
I empathize with Mr. Kristof who cannot understand why everyone doesn't share his views on, well, everything. Especially when it comes to something as humane as empathy. Who could possibly disagree?
It's got to be frustrating for him. We shall likely read several more columns attempting to make us see why others were wrong and he was right.
He is the predictable liberal NYT columnists' version of a scold, complete with growl.
It's got to be frustrating for him. We shall likely read several more columns attempting to make us see why others were wrong and he was right.
He is the predictable liberal NYT columnists' version of a scold, complete with growl.
18
Well, that added a lot of insight to the discussion. You might have just illustrated the point he was making better than he did.
67
Kristoff seems to be aware of the research that shows that empathy (and sense of fairness) are two instincts that are generally highly developed among conservatives as well as liberals; other comparable traits--sense of "us" vs "them", political disgust, respect for authority--are high among people who sort themselves out as conservative but rather low among liberals, but empathy and sense of fairness are universal. How then to mobilize them to bring people *together* rather than as wedges? Clearly if you can emphasize how "other" the people we're asked to empathize with (the "unworthy poor") you can hold on to your right-wing disgust; likewise if you can think how unfair of "them" to look for "us" to pay for their mistakes. Likewise, if you can "other" the researchers, you can disrespect "their" authority and keep on honoring rich folks.
22
Mr. Kristof practices what he preaches and has done his part to alleviate the suffering of others. I hope that you have also, AACNY, but your growl makes me wonder.
28
I have been upset since I learned about the one month old who was mauled by the 'pet' ferrets in Pa. She's lost her nose,upper lip & part of a check-1/4 of her face..I finally realized that this stranger's horrific experience & future was triggering my fears & suppressed knowledge that some things are forever & cannot be undone.Take a look at the photos of the now teenager who was mauled by a 'pet' racoon who is in a loving home with lots of $ donations for multiple surgeries.Will this week's victims even receive a loving home & $ for multiple surgeries? will you help?will you look at photos?will you think deeply about legalizing keeping ferrets in NYC?will you allow the thought that some horrors are forever & cannot be undone?I'm talking empathy
5
I wonder at these comments. We sure can use a little kindness
and compassion in this pretty terrifying world we inhabit. There
are good "bleeding heart" types out there now doing wonderful
work helping in war torn areas and just recently with the Ebola
battle. The other day Angelina Jolie posted a op-ed that was a
shocker at one level and put empathy in the headlights. Let's
try for some humanity at it's best - not it's opposite please.
and compassion in this pretty terrifying world we inhabit. There
are good "bleeding heart" types out there now doing wonderful
work helping in war torn areas and just recently with the Ebola
battle. The other day Angelina Jolie posted a op-ed that was a
shocker at one level and put empathy in the headlights. Let's
try for some humanity at it's best - not it's opposite please.
157
The wealthy know they earned their money by hard work, and cannot see why they should help the lazy poor.
The rich, for the most part, worked very hard to select rich parents and then worked hard with powerful mentors who owed their parents favours, thereby earning every penny they have.
The poor selected poor parents and did not work hard with powerful mentors who owed their parents favours, which explains why they remain poor: it's all their own fault.
Of course, one can have moderately wealthy parents, get married and divorced, and end up in abject poverty after the judge awards your ex 105% of your income and assets.
And the very good looking can sell and earn enough in commissions to be moderately or even extravagantly wealthy, like the salesman from a moderately wealthy family who dropped out of Harvard, bought an operating system for $10,000, and sold it for more than $100 billion.
But the wealthy got all they have by hard work, and the poor are just lazy. Or so almost all the wealthy believe.
The rich, for the most part, worked very hard to select rich parents and then worked hard with powerful mentors who owed their parents favours, thereby earning every penny they have.
The poor selected poor parents and did not work hard with powerful mentors who owed their parents favours, which explains why they remain poor: it's all their own fault.
Of course, one can have moderately wealthy parents, get married and divorced, and end up in abject poverty after the judge awards your ex 105% of your income and assets.
And the very good looking can sell and earn enough in commissions to be moderately or even extravagantly wealthy, like the salesman from a moderately wealthy family who dropped out of Harvard, bought an operating system for $10,000, and sold it for more than $100 billion.
But the wealthy got all they have by hard work, and the poor are just lazy. Or so almost all the wealthy believe.
275
And, yet, the wealthy donate thousands of hours of their time and hundreds of millions of dollars. Do you really believe that in working so closely with charities they have failed to learn anything about the poor and neediest?
If the wealthy believed the way you described, they wouldn't be the donors they are.
If the wealthy believed the way you described, they wouldn't be the donors they are.
2
They certainly never give money they cannot easily afford. I don't think it's that big of a sacrifice giving away .001 percent of your total wealth to put your name on a performing arts center.
28
Yes, there are generous wealthy people. But read Kristof's column again and note the statistics he provides about relative giving by the poor and the wealthy.
22
Being from a different culture (Indian) I grew up in an environment very different to the one I came to live in (USA) as an adult. One philosophical and perhaps spiritual difference that is stark to me when comparing the two is the development of ego. I'm not in a position to decide which, if any, is better or which is worse, but I can tell you what I observe. Growing up in the east, you develop an understanding that you are not important. Not irrelevant, no, but not important. As such, you tend to develop an idea of self-relevance rather than self-importance. This makes one look outward. To pay attention to how ones acts affect others. I think this leads to greater empathy. What I see in the US, on average, is the opposite. It is the development of the bubble around oneself. The focus is turned inward rather than out. This, I believe, is one possible reason for the general lack of empathy that Mr Kristof writes about here.
562
Read David Reisman's "The Lonely Crowd." It is all about the change in American social character from "other directed" to "inner directed."
13
With all due respect, how do you fit the rape and discrimination of women to name just one feature of "the east" I don't mean my question as an attack on what you've said. I just don't understand the difference between similar behavior here and there. It seems to me to be very similar behavior and mindset by people who hold up what they have in material and position over others.
9
" .. What I see in the US, on average, is the opposite. It is the development of the bubble around oneself .."
.. which USA citizens use to defend themselves against today's "culture of complaint." Whereupon every day, they can be ticketed and litigated to financial bankruptcy (e.g., the 75,000-page IRS code). Newspapers make their profits, reporting that morass, every day.
.. which USA citizens use to defend themselves against today's "culture of complaint." Whereupon every day, they can be ticketed and litigated to financial bankruptcy (e.g., the 75,000-page IRS code). Newspapers make their profits, reporting that morass, every day.
5
Simple, make value judgments, for without them nothing is going to be achieved. People need to be told how things are, not in empathy where how you would like it to be. Progressives will never do that, so 'better angles' never appear. Compassion and rationalization is a trap to many minority fall into, never realizing that it leads to self destruction.
7
There is a balance, and it is related to one's sense of control over one's destiny. That is a hard thing to teach.
3
Empathy. What's it good for? Kristoff should not assume that all readers share his bleeding heart. While actual schadenfreude at the expense of the poor may be rare, a certain amount of smirk at the plight of a 300 lb tramp....well, please excuse. And anyway, since we are going to be increasingly reading in the NYT about the deaths of cute children worldwide from starvation as the result of parents using malaria nets to fish their livelihoods into oblivion, from drowning while trying to cross the Mediterranean 200 to a leaky rowboat, from gunfire in their schools while lunatics exercise their Second Amendment rights, from dehydration in the Desert formerly known as the State of California....well, Nick, better give it up. Black humor is the future. Not loving kindness.
7
I wouldn't even call this sort of nonsense an indication of a "bleeding heart". More like the ecstasy of the administrators.
1
To generate Empathy we
Must somehow make it worth Money,
Not taxable or
They'd store it offshore,
We dare not ever make it free!!
Must somehow make it worth Money,
Not taxable or
They'd store it offshore,
We dare not ever make it free!!
67
Roses red/Violets blue
"Free" gets you USSR-level quality and Cuba-type wages
So it goes
"Free" gets you USSR-level quality and Cuba-type wages
So it goes
5
@E.T. Bass - Actually the systems in the USSR and Cuba never found a way to attach value to people and their work. They failed because they were unable to fund their society by rewarding achievers and achievements. We do that here and generate great wealth as a result. And our social contract is to feed some of that wealth back into the society that created us, by helping those in need.
7
Who made you the sole arbiter of saying whether society has too much or too little empathy? Is really the response of readers for one column the determining factor for public policy?