I do so wish the writer had included the INTENDED words for some that were substituted in the article. I get the gist of it, but the humor failed me because I have no idea what the substitutions were intended to replace.
Oh well.
Oh well.
2
The Apostles' Creed in the church bulletin came out that Jesus "suffered under Pugnacious Pirate."
6
I really cannot imagine using AutoCorrect given its unreliability in its present incarnation. There are countless examples of people sending off nonsensical and/or obscene messages or tweets.
Beyond that, I do not understand the need to let a few computer programmers take over what we mean to say. People should be responsible 100% for their own content. The newer versions where suggestions are offered is a big improvement, and has the principal advantage that if you do not choose one of them, it does not use them.
Beyond that, I do not understand the need to let a few computer programmers take over what we mean to say. People should be responsible 100% for their own content. The newer versions where suggestions are offered is a big improvement, and has the principal advantage that if you do not choose one of them, it does not use them.
12
Once in a newsletter for a local organisation I wanted to congratulate ourselves for converting a very long paper document to a disk (this was in the 1990's). To my chagrin, a few days letter, a member wrote to say that she was amazed that we were able to put so much information on a three inch dick!
10
I love it when I'm writing something in a foreign language. The outcomes are unpredictable, and if it weren't for the inconvenience, humorous.
3
It appears that people do not proofread what they write before committing it to eternity.
But when did they ever?
But when did they ever?
6
"marinate" over the boards?!
2
The truth is, auto-correction can be both helpful and a disaster. So it would be nice to be able to turn it on and off easily. But this is not the case: in Word, for example, there are dozens of different forms of auto-correction, not just text, but formatting, and they must all be addressed individually. I detest Microsoft: Windows has been hanging around for 20 years, and I can think of few true improvements, mostly it's just become more complex. Bill Gates must have wasted more people's time than anyone else on the planet.
16
" the more we fail, the more understanding we have about those fails"
I'm curious as to why the author chose to use the slang term 'fails' rather than 'failures'?
I'm curious as to why the author chose to use the slang term 'fails' rather than 'failures'?
10
Very clever of this article to let you click on the highlighted words and see the autocorrect happen before your eyes.
My favorite autocorrect error came when I worked for an international news agency in Beijing. An autocorrector on the editing desk changed the name of then-president Jiang Zemin to "jingo semen". Oops.
My favorite autocorrect error came when I worked for an international news agency in Beijing. An autocorrector on the editing desk changed the name of then-president Jiang Zemin to "jingo semen". Oops.
6
My Dear Wife's name (name withheld by demand) get's corrected to Moron.
6
I hate autocorrect, ever since very early days when my Mac Classic would correct my Subic Bay to Pubic Bay...though there was a lot of truth in the error.
6
What happened to that old activity called proof reading? It used to be required in colleges, publishing houses, newspapers.
7
When you're an excellent typist who rarely makes mistakes, it should not be necessary to go back & look for mistakes a machine has decided to make on its own.
6
Someone probably said this already, but--you can turn off autocorrect.
6
Since my first experiences with childlike presumptuous software, I use autocorrect only via its suggestions; I enjoy a few quite hilarious ones. Before that, I simply reread the text of my email carefully. Something I still do, even if only to revise grammar, syntax, and punctuation. Email? Grammar? Syntax? Punctuation? Yes, I know....
2
Great joke going around involving 'wife' substituted for 'wifi' and the line "I've been tapping your wifi for six months. Sorry."
It's a sign of the times that even a 96-year old friend got the humor.
It's a sign of the times that even a 96-year old friend got the humor.
4
Once when I was writing an email to my son's middle school teacher, I signed off with my usual "Thanks so much". Things must have unraveled when I hit the "d" rather than the "s" in "Thanks". Because just as I was about to send, I skimmed the email and saw that I had signed out with "Thanks Douche".
6
My partner's name is Archene, which is autocorrected to Archenemy.
7
On a recent visit to the Udvar Hazy Air and Space Museum with friends visiting from Switzerland, my husband was trying to figure out where the group was. I texted that we were standing next to the Enola Gay; what he received was "We are standing next to Ebola Gay." Five years ago, autocorrect probably would not have done that.
6
As a former English major with very good spelling, punctuation and typing skills, I HATE autocorrect. Even when I fat-finger or misspell, I hate autocorrect. Machines don't KNOW me, and autocorrect is invasive.
9
Autocorrect is my worst enema.
46
I had been having a serious (if a texting conversation can be serious) discussion with a friend, and I accused him of being intentionally hurtful. He replied, "I am not so Benedictine as to do that." I tried to decipher it on my own, but I ended up breaking the mood by asking, "Huh??" It was supposed to be "vindictive".
What made it funnier was that this friend was a chronic liar, manipulator, and cheater. To say he wasn't Benedictine was an understatement even though it was an autocorrect!
What made it funnier was that this friend was a chronic liar, manipulator, and cheater. To say he wasn't Benedictine was an understatement even though it was an autocorrect!
5
My favorite Autocorrect gaffe was when I typed up a report for my Air National Guard unit and Airmen Fecke and Drury came out Feces and Dreary.
21
I often learn too much about my students. Recently one was going to be absent the next day because she had "really high fiber."
17
What I find very useful about auto-correct is that it works in other languages. It is very useful if you've forgotten a lot of the language or even if you never knew as much as you thought you did.
Pages and Mail in OS Mavericks have corrected Swedish and French for me that I was either to fat-fingered to type correctly or had completely forgotten a grammar point.
I just wish my iPhone and iPad had the same capability.
Pages and Mail in OS Mavericks have corrected Swedish and French for me that I was either to fat-fingered to type correctly or had completely forgotten a grammar point.
I just wish my iPhone and iPad had the same capability.
Some of these mistakes, but I doubt if Grandmaster Flash usually is. Do you know grandmothers write their grandkids from Instagramma in order to get them to read their text messages?
2
Just hoping I intercepted all messages in time, before they went out stating my appreciation for a medical researcher meeting with me, as I knew they were very busty...
10
I like non-automatic spell check and similar utilities, because the user can remain in control. But I always disable autocorrect if possible. I also detest the closely related autocomplete feature: trying to fill in the remaining letters of something you are searching for by searching for everything that starts with what you've typed so far: in large search domains, sometimes those completely irrelevant pre-searches can take many seconds or more. This is especially annoying if you've made a typo and have to wait to correct it until the search is complete. And, it is rare that autocomplete can be disabled.
I will mention in a positive light a feature of the newest version of iOS Messages: instead of autocorrecting or autocompleting your text, it displays several possible completions/corrections above the keyboard area, providing the option that you choose one to replace the current word, but not actually changing anything in the text until you do. Thus, you can choose to ignore it or, if you get stuck in the middle of an unfamiliar or length word, you can take advantage of it.
I will mention in a positive light a feature of the newest version of iOS Messages: instead of autocorrecting or autocompleting your text, it displays several possible completions/corrections above the keyboard area, providing the option that you choose one to replace the current word, but not actually changing anything in the text until you do. Thus, you can choose to ignore it or, if you get stuck in the middle of an unfamiliar or length word, you can take advantage of it.
12
Knowing my wife was making her way home from work, I asked her where she was. "Heartsick!" came the reply. I braced myself for the bad tidings. She was on Hartswick Street.
6
Worst that ever happened to me is when I sent a note to several colleagues asking for some changes on a project, and tried to say "sorry for the inconvenience". It was autocorrected to "sorry for the incontinence". I hit send without noticing.
17
Family Group message : Happy New Year!! John and Jude. Auto-Correct : Happy New Year!! John is nude. They thought I overindulged the champagne.
26
My favorite is when I text my husband and use his name within the text (his name is Billy) it autocorrects to Bulky. He always says back " are you trying to tell me something?"
7
Autocorrect is here to stay, a wonderful tool that reminds us we misspelled some word, with the chance to correct it as we go. Of course, if the input is nonsense or even stupid, the output may be likewise. Oh, well.
2
My little non-smartphone has a relentless, nonsensical and active autocorrect, turning my "Happy New Year" text into "Happy Newood Yeach."
However, it's not just autocorrect, but a mistyped text on those tiny keyboards can cause havoc, too. I run a summer program for medical students who fly in from around the country to participate. One student helpfully offered to pick up students arriving at the airport the first weekend. Unfortunately, the letter "p" is right next to the letter "l" on the keyboard, so my text asking him to pick up one young woman was sent like this instead: "Can you lick up Erin Smith on Friday night?"
However, it's not just autocorrect, but a mistyped text on those tiny keyboards can cause havoc, too. I run a summer program for medical students who fly in from around the country to participate. One student helpfully offered to pick up students arriving at the airport the first weekend. Unfortunately, the letter "p" is right next to the letter "l" on the keyboard, so my text asking him to pick up one young woman was sent like this instead: "Can you lick up Erin Smith on Friday night?"
9
In 2011 I submitted the following word and definition to Urban Dictionary
e-maul
Malicious text auto-correction on the iPhone.
e-maul
Malicious text auto-correction on the iPhone.
18
My all time favorite was when writing a group email to several friends who had reported squabbling with their spouses on one particular day. My husband and I had also gotten into a tiff. My autocorrected note: "there must be seething in the water." And there probably was!
19
[ “Love ‘em!” — always seemed to read “Love me.” ]
Ironically, there is a grammatical error in the phrase “Love ‘em!”, one which I suspect was introducted by the software used to create this article. I would bet that Bennett typed an apostrophe and whatever she was using created the error, substituting the left single quote for the simple, but correct, apostrophe: “Love ‘em!” (containing a left single quotation mark) should read “Love 'em!” (containing a simple apostrophe). I refer to this error as the "Microsoft apostrophe" because to this day that program (and many others, such as Apple's TextEdit) insist on inserting the inappropriate left single quotation mark (looks like an inverted raised comma) to replace the apostrophe (looks like a raised comma).
Sadly, from polls I have taken, I can now say that a majority of my (university) students believe Word's "correction" is legitimate. Who know? Maybe it eventually will be!
The influence of Word in corrupting proper grammar is astonishing -- probably the most significant among "autofail" software.
Who knows how this message will come out -- it probably gets auto-corrected. Not my fault!
Ironically, there is a grammatical error in the phrase “Love ‘em!”, one which I suspect was introducted by the software used to create this article. I would bet that Bennett typed an apostrophe and whatever she was using created the error, substituting the left single quote for the simple, but correct, apostrophe: “Love ‘em!” (containing a left single quotation mark) should read “Love 'em!” (containing a simple apostrophe). I refer to this error as the "Microsoft apostrophe" because to this day that program (and many others, such as Apple's TextEdit) insist on inserting the inappropriate left single quotation mark (looks like an inverted raised comma) to replace the apostrophe (looks like a raised comma).
Sadly, from polls I have taken, I can now say that a majority of my (university) students believe Word's "correction" is legitimate. Who know? Maybe it eventually will be!
The influence of Word in corrupting proper grammar is astonishing -- probably the most significant among "autofail" software.
Who knows how this message will come out -- it probably gets auto-corrected. Not my fault!
12
OK, not all errors are introduced by auto-correction software: "introducted" was my typing error. We need auto-correction! I re-read this note many times before hitting the "submit" button. Who know? [sic]
3
I'm a proofreader and former type director. That use of a single open quote mark instead of an apostrophe has been driving me nuts for years! I believe it originated--or at least became prominent--with the changeover to what was then called "desktop publishing."
10
Was there a cat video embedded in here somewhere?
7
I'm convinced this is a manufactured problem at this point. We all know auto correct can create embarrassing mistakes, so just turn it off. Problem solved. If you leave it on, you must enjoy the mistakes, and that is fine. Just admit that, to you, auto correct is just another game on your phone.
11
You can turn it off?
2
That would mean that people would have to rely on their own grammatical skills, which have been eroded by years of auto-correct.
1
Reading the comments has me thinking of Hal, the computer in 2001. So, to TallDeepVoice who writes, "The best thing about autocorrect is that it can be turned OFF!", I say: LET'S NOT GET COMPLACENT !
Perhaps I should be more specific about Edward Abbey's solution to the generic problem, so delicately, elegantly, and effectively described in the first few pages of "The Fools Progress", where the protagonist, unable to get his refrigerator to shut up (how many of us have been there?!!), pulls out a .357 Magnum and solves the problem.
Perhaps I should be more specific about Edward Abbey's solution to the generic problem, so delicately, elegantly, and effectively described in the first few pages of "The Fools Progress", where the protagonist, unable to get his refrigerator to shut up (how many of us have been there?!!), pulls out a .357 Magnum and solves the problem.
4
My new refrigerator must not like me because it never talks to me. What does yours say?
4
Uh, not to be too much of a stickler but whatever happened to the idea of copy editing one's writings, noticing such errors and correcting them? Yes, autocorrect will try to overrule you but if you try hard enough you'll get your way.
13
Why should anyone have to try so hard?
4
Hilarious! Now, I will masturbate over the article while I am in the can. hahaha
6
When using the NYT comment field, autocorrect and 8 point type combine to create mischief for us older folks.
It is only when we hit "submit" ( and the type size increases ) that we see the bizarre results of our fat fingers, poor eye sight, and autocorrect. :)
It is only when we hit "submit" ( and the type size increases ) that we see the bizarre results of our fat fingers, poor eye sight, and autocorrect. :)
12
Ever since they changed the format and font, the first thing I do when I open the NYTimes.com home page is enlarge the screen. That's command-plus on my Apple.
1
Huggies and kisses became Huggins and kiddies
3
The inane animosity of inanimate objects - true since long before autocorrect or even mobile phones.
2
I believe that Woody Allen's phrase was the innate perversity of inanimate objects.
1
My favorite remains autocorrect's change of HUUUGE thanks! to "Jujube thanks!" I didn't think anyone even remembered Jujubes. But now I'd like to give Jujube thanks to anyone who has helped me a lot in life.
15
Teacher. Right? Test? Right? 9th graders? Right? Public/pubic? Right?
It took until 5th hour to discover it.
It took until 5th hour to discover it.
9
Auto-correct is actually much more useful than most people give it credit for. You can add misspellings to it, so that "aocinxx" becomes "Apples, Oranges and Cucumbers Incorporated" automatically, saving lots of time for for those of us working of poorly named corporations. And for those of you mischievously minded you can have fun setting the annoying guy in the next cubicles's computer to auto-correct the boss's name from "Sr. Vp. George Pope" into "Sr. Vp. George Dope"
If life gives you lemons, make lemming (sp) out of it.
If life gives you lemons, make lemming (sp) out of it.
8
Actually better than adding misspellings to autocorrect is to type your document or whatever with a placeholder and then run search and replace on it. For instance, if I'm writing a story and one character's name is difficult to spell or I'm not sure what it will be yet, I can simply use "THATGUY" or "PRETTYGIRL" throughout, and then do a case-specific S&R.
2
When I was a medical transcriptionist for a group of haematologists, I loved autocorrect. Being able to type nphys and get an entire scripted paragraph for a normal physical exam increased my output (and therefore my income) enormously.
As for mischief, when I left a temp job at a borderline-unethical marketing outfit, the woman who took the position (a promotion, no less) was a brainless twit with a mean streak. On my last day I added a few "corrections" that I hope messed her up but good. Not nice, perhaps, but after the misery she'd inflicted on me for three long weeks, not disproportionate.
As for mischief, when I left a temp job at a borderline-unethical marketing outfit, the woman who took the position (a promotion, no less) was a brainless twit with a mean streak. On my last day I added a few "corrections" that I hope messed her up but good. Not nice, perhaps, but after the misery she'd inflicted on me for three long weeks, not disproportionate.
2
Because there's nothing like being endowed with the knowledge that the guy in the next cubicle deserves punishment for some characteristic that you've decided is annoying.
2
My favorite autocorrect:
I had written to my brother about our mother & her medical issues.
He wrote back, "What are you talking about? what comedian?"
Twice auto-correct had changed my word cumedin to comedian!
I had written to my brother about our mother & her medical issues.
He wrote back, "What are you talking about? what comedian?"
Twice auto-correct had changed my word cumedin to comedian!
11
A proper autocorrect would have caught the misspelling of the drug's name, Coumadin. My mum used to need to take it - it's a blood thinner, as I recall. Another exposure of the built-in flaws of autocorrect, since for easily misspelled scientific and technical terminology it might be useful - but it's utterly worthless, as it contains no such terms unless you input them yourself by customising [*] your dictionary.
The autocorrect that used to drive me crazy was trying to type outline forms, in which the lowercase letter C in parenthesis inevitably converts to the copyright symbol. I finally went into Word and took that, the automatic R-in-circle registered-trademark, pretty much all emoticons, and miscellaneous other junk out. That, and killing Clippie, made Word, if not wonderful, easier to work with.
[*] Had to try two or three times to persuade the NYT commenting app to let me use the UK spelling. As usual.
The autocorrect that used to drive me crazy was trying to type outline forms, in which the lowercase letter C in parenthesis inevitably converts to the copyright symbol. I finally went into Word and took that, the automatic R-in-circle registered-trademark, pretty much all emoticons, and miscellaneous other junk out. That, and killing Clippie, made Word, if not wonderful, easier to work with.
[*] Had to try two or three times to persuade the NYT commenting app to let me use the UK spelling. As usual.
2
Would it have helped if you actually spelled it coumadin?
8
Autocorrect in Google reminds me of how out of touch I am with the modern world. It continually presses upon me names of people and phenomena I've never heard of (and of which I'd be quite content to continue in ignorance). These people are obviously celebrities of some sort, since somewhere out there what Norman Mailer dismissively called 'the wad' are furiously seeking information for them on search engines.
With regard to Word, I turned off all editing functions as soon as I installed it. Autocorrect is like an officious, incompetent butler in a farce, bumbling around breaking glassware and spilling wine on the master in his eagerness to be of service. Spell-check recognises no words above the level of "Look, Jane, look, see Dick run" and insists on correcting UK spellings (yes, NYT comments, I'm looking at you). Grammar check ... let's not go there.
With regard to Word, I turned off all editing functions as soon as I installed it. Autocorrect is like an officious, incompetent butler in a farce, bumbling around breaking glassware and spilling wine on the master in his eagerness to be of service. Spell-check recognises no words above the level of "Look, Jane, look, see Dick run" and insists on correcting UK spellings (yes, NYT comments, I'm looking at you). Grammar check ... let's not go there.
6
Reset your language preference to UK English, then, why not? But I fully agree with you about Grammar check. I do use Spell check to turn up typos. duplicated words and missed spaces, things like that -- it does have some value at a low level.
3
Funny story from my youth, showing that autocorrect by humans can be just as amusing. A guy named Fred Harris in my class lived in the college dorm; some folks did not know him, of course. A pay phone call - remember those? - answered by a freshman who did not know him; he took a message. When he returned to his room, his roommate asked: what was that call all about? The kid said: He was looking for Mr. Hassle because he was very harassed. So, from that day on Fred was known as Mr. Hassle.
4
To turn off autocorrect in iPhone or iPad: Settings / General / Keyboard. Select your options including turning it off.
8
Thank you for the instructions. You can imagine what happens when I am writing in Spanish: correcting the auto-corrections takes three times as long, as the damned thing won't give up.
1
Many thanks for the information. BTW the article is histerically funny
3
Go to settings and go to Settings > General > Keyboards > Add New Keyboard...
This will add a new symbol on the keyboard that will allow you to select different keyboards; when you have selected Spanish, it will do its autocorrection in Spanish.
This will add a new symbol on the keyboard that will allow you to select different keyboards; when you have selected Spanish, it will do its autocorrection in Spanish.
1
Read what you send? Or is that much too complicated?
6
How many times have we missed the autocorrected word because we KNOW what is supposed to be there and that is what we read NOT the word that is actually typed. Well known self editing problem.
2
Did you mean "ought to correct"?
9
A friend was asķed if she would be at a church meeting at 5.30. Her husband wouldn't get home in time so she texted her reply to the pastor "Rex doesn't get home until six" and pressed send before she noticed it said "No , sex doesn't get good until 6."
7
What my 23 year old son intended to say:
I haven't gotten paid yet.
What autotext changed it to:
I haven't gotten laid yet.
Much embarrassment all around!
I haven't gotten paid yet.
What autotext changed it to:
I haven't gotten laid yet.
Much embarrassment all around!
15
My daughter's nickname is Tali. Autocorrect would turn that into Taliban, so my husband would get texts like "don't forget to buy milk for Taliban".
15
No doubt NSA has a special file of all your shopping lists.
7
As a consultant architect in Manhattan and traveling to meetings constantly in taxis, I usually let me clients now when I am running late. More than once I have texted "Running a few minutes late, I'm in the 'can' with Duncan and should be there soon." Autocorrect does not recognize the term 'cab' and always flips it to 'can'. It's not good for your client to think that you are telling them you are in the bathroom with another colleague! It's gotten a couple laughs out of it, and some funny looks.
5
I have turned-off the autocorrect feature on my Droid countless times, but it keeps turning itself back on! So I have given up. The one that drives me absolutely nuts is this: I am a nurse practitioner and I text frequently with a friend who is also an NP. I will type something like "OMG I have 19 pts [short for "patients"] this afternoon. I'm never gonna get a break!" and the Droid will turn it into, "OMG I have 19 Petsmart this afternoon...". Maddening! No matter how many times I correct it, I get Petsmart when I type pts.
5
I worked for a man whose first name was Myron. Microsoft's auto-correct insisted on "moron." Not far wrong.
6
Read before sending and insist on the correct word. Even if you have to do it several times. So annoying.
5
A friend's statement of "Victory!!" Was autocorrected to "Viceroy!" (Because viceroy is of course a much more commonly used word than victory?) we liked it though and now use viceroy instead.
6
I had a friend with the bad habit of walking up to a group of people that were engaged in a conversation and trying to join in the conversation without really knowing what we were talking about but, from what I could deduce, heard just enough of a phrase to try and guess what we were talking about. This often led to us looking at him in amazement, asking, "What?" That is exactly the reaction I have while texting a friend and reading some of the words I get from spellcheck. "Rutabaga?"
2
I was asked to select my entree for our office holiday dinner in advance. my selection of "salmon" was rendered as "I'll have the salmonella."
19
Hope you didn't actually get it!
4
I think my favorite thing about the failure of auto correct settings is when they make fun juxtapositions that are then exploited for amusement. I think the "non-judgemental ninja" meme by Wil Wheaton (@wilw) is my favorite.
2
in the mid-90s my Mac (or were they called Apples back then?) insisted on suggesting "whorehouse" whenever I wrote "Worcester" aka my city. It always cracked me up so I never deleted it from the drop down list of possible alternatives--way more useful, btw, than today's imperious autocorrect
6
My most embarrassing auto correct was in a work email where I referred to a colleague named Anatoly (with a short last name). I pressed send before I noticed he had been turned into "Anatomy Ann."
5
I do not like auto correct. I'm not embarrassed to occasionally misspell a word. Even though I was a 4.0 through highschool and college I've always been a terrible speller and not particularly stellar at grammar either. I remember my 5th grade teacher having a conference with me thinking I did it on purpose even, since I was on a 12th grade reading level for literacy and comprehension, but I was on a 2nd grade spelling level. But even if I know I can't spell, I put much effort into at least making sure I make sense and am not offensive. And of course in our age of grammar nitpickers I rarely judge unless its just so bad I felt I needed a translator.
In the new age of auto correct almost every time I try to convey something it either has the sense of a 2 year old typing or ends up saying something offensive. I remember a program I even had to use in my work place... I was just asking a simple question "When will that be fixed?" and it assumed I meant a different F word. It was a public workplace discussion that included almost 150 people.... needless to say I had some explaining to do. Even though they understood what happened, It was still extremely embarrassing.
In the new age of auto correct almost every time I try to convey something it either has the sense of a 2 year old typing or ends up saying something offensive. I remember a program I even had to use in my work place... I was just asking a simple question "When will that be fixed?" and it assumed I meant a different F word. It was a public workplace discussion that included almost 150 people.... needless to say I had some explaining to do. Even though they understood what happened, It was still extremely embarrassing.
7
I sympathize with Naomi Campbell. My autocorrect turned the title of this year's Nobel Peace Prize recipient's book into I Am a Llama.
17
When autocorrect starts fixing more errors than it creates, I will start to use it.
16
Kudos for the brilliantly interactive article.
15
Emailing with a group of friends about singing "Dona Nobis Pacem" (which we learned as a grace at college 50 years ago) for a friend who had just died. Autocorrect insisted on Doña Nobis Pacemaker. Apparently it knows Spanish words but not Latin ones.
14
There just aren't a lot of Latin speakers around these days.
1
I've never laughed so hard at a newspaper article, I too have come acropper of this feature. One time I remember it took 3 texts before what I actually wanted to say was confused LOL!!!
Thank you for the light relief NYTimes, it is nice to read lighter news sometimes!
Thank you for the light relief NYTimes, it is nice to read lighter news sometimes!
17
The best thing about autocorrect is that it can be turned OFF! If I'm going to mis-type so be it. I'd far rather make my own mistakes, thanks all the same!
81
Captain Kirk (the original, real one) would take out Autocorrect in an instant by setting it to work on a transcription of Joyce's Finnegans Wake.
2
Too funny! What my wife would give for an auto-correcting husband,
21
This had me laughing. I was recently out with my mom, waiting for my cousin and her friend to arrive. I sent her a text saying simply "Are you guys here?" Autocorrect jumped in and suggested "are you guys heterosexual?" I was laughing hysterically, trying to explain it to my poor mom. First of all, I have never asked that question by text, and second of all, is that such a common question that it would trump my quite banal inquiry?
57
I was texting my husband a rather stale "Whassup" which was interpreted and sent as "Shaddup". He laughed so hard he nearly fell off his chair, liking a little sass coming back to in response to his text. BTW, I've never, ever have typed "shadddup" in my life.
I've disabled auto-complete on my iPad since I use it for work. Still I'm terrified to use words like "public" as a previous commenter posted. Ye gods, save me from auto-complete!
I've disabled auto-complete on my iPad since I use it for work. Still I'm terrified to use words like "public" as a previous commenter posted. Ye gods, save me from auto-complete!
22
Autoincorrect.
30
I'm a knitter, and was typing the perfectly legitimate technical term yarnover in an email and it autocorrected to "earner." Let me tell you, if you try to make a living handknitting you will certainly not be an earner. We went the rounds so then it tried to muscle in with "carnivore". I typed yarnover yarnover yarnover five times in rapid succession, correcting repeatedly, finally had it my way, went to hit send--and it dropped one yarnover and ran with carnivore again, figuring I wasn't looking and wouldn't mind humoring it just on this one word over here.
And I know that by typing this comment and allowing those rogue words at all it will think itself justified, as I have had to retype again and again just now and don't even know if hitting submit will submit the comment I'm actually writing right now. Yarnover!
And I know that by typing this comment and allowing those rogue words at all it will think itself justified, as I have had to retype again and again just now and don't even know if hitting submit will submit the comment I'm actually writing right now. Yarnover!
94
Choking with laughter!
3
Perhaps we should all learn to accept autocorrect as our new spiritual leader, given to speaking in analogies, riddles and koans. Perhaps our leader, in "mistyping" Ms. Whitney's name, is merely trying to direct us to meditate on the absurdity that is racial distinction. And clearly Grandma Flash, for instance, is much younger than her chronological years; perhaps she truly is a Grandmaster of a yet to be disclosed disclosed discipline. Autocorrect wants us to seek.....
46
Many of my students answer email on their smart-phones, and they seem to be in a hurry, so they don't check what they've written before sending it. That may explain the frequent reassurance to me that they will "defiantly" finish their assignment on time (as opposed to "definitely)." Just another example of communication in the digital age...
26
I see "defiantly" all the time! I do wonder why everyone is so bold and insolent these days...
4
"That may explain the frequent reassurance to me that they will "defiantly" finish their assignment on time (as opposed to 'definitely).'"
________________
My guess is that they think "definitely" is spelled "definately," which one sees all the time. So even if they checked what they wrote before hitting SEND, you still wouldn't get the word spelled properly.
________________
My guess is that they think "definitely" is spelled "definately," which one sees all the time. So even if they checked what they wrote before hitting SEND, you still wouldn't get the word spelled properly.
3
There are many ways my computer is wrong, when it "thinks" it "knows" better than I what I want. Newsflash to the people in Bangalore, Silicon Valley, or Riga, who write the programs for my computer: not only do I know better than you what I want to say, but my spelling and grammar are much better than yours.
That's not really different from TEXT autocorrect (sic) or my friend's car mapping gadget, whose insipid voice pretends to know better than I where I want to go and how I want to get there.
Fortunately, there is an easy, low cost solution to all these problems. It is spelled out clearly and persuasively on pages 4 and 5 of Edward Abbey's "The Fools Progress."
That's not really different from TEXT autocorrect (sic) or my friend's car mapping gadget, whose insipid voice pretends to know better than I where I want to go and how I want to get there.
Fortunately, there is an easy, low cost solution to all these problems. It is spelled out clearly and persuasively on pages 4 and 5 of Edward Abbey's "The Fools Progress."
9
Even more hi-jinks ensue when you speak your text! My favorite is when I was driving and spoke a text to let people know I was going to be late because I couldn't "avoid drinking"! When I arrived, quite sober, I explained I got stuck on Lincoln (Blvd)...
20
Autocorrect socks, I mean sicks, like I said, it sacks. Oh you know what I mean.
76
Once when I was trying to type "Harvard," autocorrect instead wrote "garbage," which I assumed was due to a Yalie programmer.
83
This made me so nostalgic. My mother's name was Mildred, but she was always called Flash, Aunt Flash to her nieces and nephews and Grandflash to her grandchildren.
12
Once I asked my partner to pick up skimobiles (skim milk) on her way home.
25
In the early 1970s, the term was "dwimmy". There were "do what I mean" systems back then, supposedly to save typing. The term was pejorative.
3
The question I have is this. Why do these autofails or unforutnate autocorrects always make me laugh hysterically? They aren't really that funny, but they often make me laugh until I cry. I've heard this is a common malady.
41
I don't know, but I am crying from laughing at some of these comments!
6
1 - Because it is funny to picture someone arguing with a thing, and the thing arguing back.
2 - Because sometimes it is laugh or cry.
2 - Because sometimes it is laugh or cry.
2
Last year, my dear wife posted "Happy birthday to my dead friend" on Facebook, which didn't catch it.
14
I just hate it when an inanimate object thinks it is smarter than I am.
What college did it graduate from? Where did it go to grad school? What professional licenses does it hold?
But it exercises its will anyway.
What college did it graduate from? Where did it go to grad school? What professional licenses does it hold?
But it exercises its will anyway.
7
Your options:
1. Turn it off.
2. Learn to assiduously proofread your texts and emails, especially professional ones.
3. Throw your hands up in the air and hand over your communication to tech companies.
I did the first two and use Swype on my Nexus. Rarely have this problem. How in the world did people manage to write before autocorrect and texting? /s
1. Turn it off.
2. Learn to assiduously proofread your texts and emails, especially professional ones.
3. Throw your hands up in the air and hand over your communication to tech companies.
I did the first two and use Swype on my Nexus. Rarely have this problem. How in the world did people manage to write before autocorrect and texting? /s
12
We managed because we had a decent education that included basic grammar, punctuation and spelling and we cared about what we wrote and how it might be perceived.
93
When Jade, my younger daughter, was 9, I went to the emergency room doubled over in pain with prostatitus—an enflamed prostate. I spent the next four long hours getting an IV. Jade witnessed my anguish and was so concerned, she opened a Word document to write me a get-well note. With the help of Spellcheck, it began:
“Dear Papa, I love you so much. I hope you feel better from your prostitutes …”
Drawn from the innocent heart of my preteen daughter, her autocorrected note eats a “prostitute sandwich” for lunch.
“Dear Papa, I love you so much. I hope you feel better from your prostitutes …”
Drawn from the innocent heart of my preteen daughter, her autocorrected note eats a “prostitute sandwich” for lunch.
41
If you don't proofread what you typed, don't blame autocorrect. See your optometrist, get a pair of glasses, and slow down.
29
I LOLed at Goddamn Sachs.
86
It's hard to call what a great many regard as a spot-on characterization of that institution an "error."
6
One old favorite, from a workplace training situation: Two dozen of us were forced to spend half a day learning about file naming and storage conventions, and for some reason it was deemed beneficial to conduct this in two sessions, one for the guys and one for the ladies.
The auto-fail concerned "disk" (meaning internal/magnetic) as opposed to "disc" (as in removable/optical). Anyway, the circulated e-mail was supposed to have said "For the men this afternoon: How to manage your hard disk." Still not sure why only "disc" was recognized.
The auto-fail concerned "disk" (meaning internal/magnetic) as opposed to "disc" (as in removable/optical). Anyway, the circulated e-mail was supposed to have said "For the men this afternoon: How to manage your hard disk." Still not sure why only "disc" was recognized.
20
I always wondered why there were the two terms... But we had removable disks also -- we called them "diskettes." Wonder what autocorrect would make of that!
2
One of the earlier Word versions I used to use insisted that "rest room" should actually be "resort". With some of the days I had at that employer, I couldn't deny that it was right half the time.
23
Here's a crazy idea: read what you write before hitting send. I know, hopelessly old fashioned.
19
My last name regularly translates into 'menace' on IOS 8 and to 'maniac' on Yosemite.
The real problem to me with the new OS from Apple, be it mobile or computer, that the auto-correct cannot be turned off and when you just continue typing it assumes that is what you want. That was the problem before.
The real problem to me with the new OS from Apple, be it mobile or computer, that the auto-correct cannot be turned off and when you just continue typing it assumes that is what you want. That was the problem before.
9
It's now called Predictive Typing & you turn it off in Settings -- General -- Keyboard, where it's always been. Also unchanged: the irritating way IT renames things so you can't find them. You'd think after 40 years of personal computing they'd be over that behaviour, but no.
4
My wife sent me a text the other day to let me know she was getting her Flu "Shot" --
Except...that's not how it came out when she pressed send...
Except...that's not how it came out when she pressed send...
6
My favorite autocorrect was my iPhone replacing the word "space" with "pothead." What?!!!
30
So the son of a friend of mine got engaged, and I wished my friend lots of "nachos,"...er, "naches."
12
The worst for me is Word which keeps typing in the names of relatives in the middle of a sentence where a proper name is obviously not the proper solution.
11
Proofread-->if not, turn off autocorrect-->iPad/iPhone-->Settings->General->Keyboard->Auto-Correction.
If not, enjoy autocorrect and laugh.
If not, enjoy autocorrect and laugh.
20
My favorite correction occurred when I typed "Hyannis" and was rewarded with "Hyenas". I guess it makes some sense...
13
I love it when I figure out that I actually know one of the posters from my previous US life!
1
I have a student whose last name is Motley. In lowercase, the word "motley" is a perfectly good English word, meaning variegated or diverse. However, the &%$@&* (autocorrect that!) whippersnappers at Apple change that to Mötley, with an umlaut as in the name of a really bad rock band, followed by Crue, every time I type it.
This is not pattern recognition. I have never typed the word that way! The %$@&^* iPad came that way out of the box! I'm also annoyed, while on the subject of Applesnappers (hey, that's good), that John F. Kennedy's birthday is listed as a "national holiday" on the on-board Calendar of the iPad -- and you cannot delete it. I admire JFK greatly, but it's not a fact, it's a puerile prank.
And is anyone else tired of apps that just don't function properly? I wish I could go back to 1992, when technology worked...
This is not pattern recognition. I have never typed the word that way! The %$@&^* iPad came that way out of the box! I'm also annoyed, while on the subject of Applesnappers (hey, that's good), that John F. Kennedy's birthday is listed as a "national holiday" on the on-board Calendar of the iPad -- and you cannot delete it. I admire JFK greatly, but it's not a fact, it's a puerile prank.
And is anyone else tired of apps that just don't function properly? I wish I could go back to 1992, when technology worked...
33
Ha ! I have suspected the same thing on my iPad -- snarky, little "clever clogs" in Cupertino getting their jollies by making my life frustrating. Thanks for making me feel a tad less paranoid.
The autocorrect tic I have not been able to figure out is when the program spits out a short series of letters and punctuation when I flub my typing (which was just "typos NG" autocorrected...and then that the was autocorrected to "autocorrect Ed"...I am a fast but sloppy typist). So sometimes I will flub a word and autocorrect produces something that looks an awful lot like a snippet of code. And the darn thing sprinkles commas like salt.
The autocorrect tic I have not been able to figure out is when the program spits out a short series of letters and punctuation when I flub my typing (which was just "typos NG" autocorrected...and then that the was autocorrected to "autocorrect Ed"...I am a fast but sloppy typist). So sometimes I will flub a word and autocorrect produces something that looks an awful lot like a snippet of code. And the darn thing sprinkles commas like salt.
5
A lot of times when I look at it, it's correct but then when I push send it changes it, which can be really frustrating after the fact.
26
Hilarious article. I'd say it was a "laff" [sic] riot but autocorrect would only turn that into a "lard" riot. My friend Buffy, aka Busty, insists she has it worse than I do, but it's amusing/mildly alarming when autocorrects turns my first name into "Mommy," as happens all the time.
13
I wish there were spell checkers when I was learning the English language to take the blame for my embarrassing mistakes. But maybe not - if it were not for those disconcerting faults, I may not have learned the language.
17
Once had Siri read back a message I'd dictated stating that instead of meeting with Rick Delaney, I was having lunch with Dick Cheney. I don't know the man, and certainly wouldn't choose to have lunch with him.
39
When I picked up my new iPhone about nine months ago, I had this bad luck of hitting a wrong combination of buttons when pulling it out of my pocket. Upon doing so, all of the desktop icons would magnify. Then I'd have to scroll left and right; top to bottom to navigate. Not remembering the trick to reset them, one night while on a walk I finally decided to try Siri for the first time. I don't normally like talking to machines, even phones. But after self-consciously looking around the neighborhood to make sure no one was nearby or watching, I asked "Hi Siri. Shrink icons on iPhone" She replied back "I found fifteen psychiatrist nearby" with a list of their names and phone numbers.
Everyone's a comedian these days. Even the phone.
Everyone's a comedian these days. Even the phone.
71
The shrink icons story is a scream!
1
If you haven't checked out the website damnyouautocorrect you haven 't laughed. Seriously hilarious stuff.
6
Can't people take a second and proofread what they wrote to make sure this doesn't happen? How helpless are we????????
7
As other people have noted here, that doesn't always work.
9
i have a condition that contributes to poor texting - and a vocabulary that autocorrect does not entirely approve of, resulting in the occasional mishmash of words. but it does help when i simply cannot get the right word past my fingers. i choose to laugh rather than throw my phone across the room.
5
Tracking your finger along the path from letter to letter (swype, swiftkey, recent Android's default keyboard) is much faster than tapping individual softkeys, but because it's guessing words from the path you've tracked through the keyboard, there's a great probability of possible candidate alternative words. There's a dedicated line that shows the top candidate words, from which you can select the words you intend. Perhaps because of its greater error rate, I'm well trained to proofread my message, and tapping on an earlier word shows up the candidate list.
One aspect where Apple's autocorrect feature appears to be falling apart is that it seems to have no concept that when mistyping a word, you're going to a hit a letter close to the letter you're looking for. There's no way, for example, that cooperation could result from mistyping Cupertino, or vice versa. The path-based search takes letter distance into account, so the candidates are more plausable, usually adding or deleting letters along the tracked path.
One aspect where Apple's autocorrect feature appears to be falling apart is that it seems to have no concept that when mistyping a word, you're going to a hit a letter close to the letter you're looking for. There's no way, for example, that cooperation could result from mistyping Cupertino, or vice versa. The path-based search takes letter distance into account, so the candidates are more plausable, usually adding or deleting letters along the tracked path.
7
I have to wonder if this article is the reason the headline for the article about the Charlie Hebdo terrorists is now "Paris Terror Suspects and Ally Die in Raids," replacing a line that ended with the phrase "and an ally."
13
Hey, I deplore Scott Walker as much as the next liberal does, but I have to cut him some slack over a recent gaffe that caused much mirth amongst TV pundits. The hapless pol was obviously the victim of a massive AutoFail when one Hanukkah, he wished an official of a Milwaukee Jewish community organization "thank you and Molotov” (instead of the well-intentioned but still linguistically incorrect “Mazel Tov”--which my iPhone tries to render as “Mabel Toy”).
53
There's a wonderful book about the English Language called Anguish Languish (by Howard L. Chace, published 1956) that foretold all this...
"Wants pawn term dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut..."
"Wants pawn term dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut..."
27
I remember this! Thanks for the smile!
6
It's 1 a.m. as I read this, and I'm laughing out loud (to the consternation of my neighbors). I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
3
Tremendous!
Now I understand why a friend of mine ends messages with this - Forgive my typos and Apple's oddly knowing self-correct. I know grammar and how to spell, lest you think otherwise because of this note. Sent from my iPhone.
Whew! It's a mouthful but understandable and necessary.
Whew! It's a mouthful but understandable and necessary.
37
This is absorbed! Why shoulder software companions forceps usurpers to access these unwatered femurs?
194
Laughed so hard while I was reading this that I cried..still trying to figure out what Ms. Lausch was suggesting the director do instead of masturbate.
44
If you click on the word it gives you the correct one: marinate.
17
masticate, to chew on
5
If you click on the word it will show you "marinate"
3
Was amused when autocorrect suggested that my sister pick up a bag of weed, not ice.
50
Oh, I so needed a laugh today, thanks for providing one. I was once emailing a nephew to tell him I looked forward to seeing him in Manzanita, a lovely town on the coast of Oregon. Autocorrect turned that into Tanzania, a place I had no plans to visit.
24
For 'Dear sir': ..... Auto correct as 'Deaf sir'.... Or, as 'Fear sir'.....
7
Great Grandma Flash is not a fail, it is awesome!!!
67
When I want to use the word "hell," I emphatically want to use it - I'm steamed, or very serious, and trying to make a point. When "he'll" replaces "hell," I lose a little momentum.
41
I realized I had too many friends with whom my language has gotten salty, the day autocorrect stopped trying to say "he'll."
24
There is one curse word that I, um, use frequently as a single word with an exclamation mark. My Droid decided that the word must be a proper name. So now every time I type it, the Droid capitalizes it, even in the middle of a sentence. I have stopped trying to fix it and just laugh about it. I also have the hell/he'll problem, but not when I capitalize Hell, for some reason!
1
It's only a matter of time until I can just type "Dear Joe" and Apple/Google/Mark Zuckermam/whoever will write the whole letter for me.
50
At a certain point, the system should be able to remember that you repeatedly changed the word back to what you intended to type. We have a pet and autocorrect keeps changing the name to Bloodless, which is really not something we want our pet to be. I've changed it back to the real name countless times. Why can't skype acknowledge that its helpful suggestion is not the right word and let me be?
53
"pubic" relations, "pubic" office, "pubic" servant -- WHY, auto-correct, WHY???
95
You forgot my fave -- initial "pubic" offering. Really? Every time??
24
I was twelve years old when my teacher handed out little pamphlets containing the U.S. Constitution and Amendments, provided free by the Daughters of the American Revolution. I was a careful reader and was stunned by "No one shall take pubic property without due process of law." Honest. The irony of the D.A.R. as the source of that small booklet still makes me laugh.
28
Love this! Live in fear, my friends, live in fear!
Everyone will know it's a mistake but it's a headslapper every time.
Everyone will know it's a mistake but it's a headslapper every time.
2
Where I can disable it, I do.
13
Where I can disable it, I do.
The autocorrect problem can be solved by actually *reading* what has been typed before you send it. What a concept!
77
As everyone knows who has proofread documents with great care prior to print publication, proofing ain't as easy as it sounds. Reading backwards is the only surefire method. We just do not examine every letter, and our brains "fill in" a lot. The problem is auto-correct. It doesn't learn from users as well as it should.
22
Better yet, it is possible to disable the autocorrect feature, which I did almost immediately after purchasing my iPhone.
14
You beat me to it. That's exactly what I was going to say.
The autocorrect problem can be solved by actually *reading* what has been typed before you send it. What a concept!
I am an editor and writer. I know what I want to write; I am able to choose the words I wish to convey my thoughts. And I am infuriated when autocorrect invariably barges into my emails and changes my words into nonsense.
Autocorrect does us no favors and forces the more conscientious writers among us to spend too much time proofreading in an attempt to catch the program's egregious mistakes.
Please allow us who communicate online to make our own poetry or our own gibberish.
Autocorrect does us no favors and forces the more conscientious writers among us to spend too much time proofreading in an attempt to catch the program's egregious mistakes.
Please allow us who communicate online to make our own poetry or our own gibberish.
93
Just turn off autocorrect. In almost all cases, there is a setting that can be altered.
37
apparently not possible to turn off in my email program outlook
1
I try to exorcise autocorrect anyplace I spot it, but it keeps popping up new places, like in new versions of the Mac OS. The damn thing is a plague.
15
I am an editor and writer. I know what I want to write; I am able to choose the words I wish to convey my thoughts. And I am infuriated when autocorrect invariably barges into my emails and changes my words into nonsense.
Autocorrect does us no favors and forces the more conscientious writers among us to spend too much time proofreading in an attempt to catch the program's egregious mistakes.
Please allow us who communicate online to make our own poetry or our own gibberish.
Autocorrect does us no favors and forces the more conscientious writers among us to spend too much time proofreading in an attempt to catch the program's egregious mistakes.
Please allow us who communicate online to make our own poetry or our own gibberish.
Nobody in the history of mankind has every meant "Ducking".
Fix it.