A lot of comments are regarding the "no" statement made by one Mother. Well, my Mother seemed to think that all Motherhood required was saying "NO" to just about, everything. And it wasn't saying "No," it was BARKING "NO." Maybe she should have said "yes" and let me - and her - have a little fun together, sometimes. That way, we *may* have a relationship, now.
9
This article makes me sad. I was outside playing alongside other girls and boys at these ages. I can say the same for my daughter. What a horrible message to be giving these little girls.
12
Was I surprised when I saw that this article was out of Aurora Colorado. LA, NYC, I would just nod my head. We are the cool state aren't we? Outdoors climbing mountains, riding bikes, jogging etc. This is embarrassing.
6
Ok let's be real here. These girls have no idea that they are being "sexualized" or made to grow up too soon. They are playing! This is a game. Some little girls love to play dress-up! I think the play spa idea sounds like lots of fun, and I would have loved to have a birthday party there as a kid. I was a girly-girl, always wanted to have on the pretty dress and be a fairy princess for Halloween. It didn't make me a bad person. I grew up to be one of least consumer-driven people I know, and an outspoken feminist. Just let these girls have some fun and get your politics out of their play. I almost detect a misogynistic undercurrent to the outrage. Would you respond this way if a man took his 3 year old son to a football game? As for the $3000 price tag, there will always be affluent parents spoiling their children, but that is separate issue altogether.
9
What happens when mom and dad shower their kids with all the glitter of life? They grow up, have kids without a spouse, move into the house their folks bought for them and then get charged with Armed Robbery.
My mother would never buy me a home. In fact, I am pretty certain that if I was destitute, she would have told me to buck up. Money changes everything. These little girls need to climb trees and learn that they really don't need that $300 purse.
My mother would never buy me a home. In fact, I am pretty certain that if I was destitute, she would have told me to buck up. Money changes everything. These little girls need to climb trees and learn that they really don't need that $300 purse.
7
The name 'Seriously Spoiled' is so disturbingly apt. Is this really 'normal' for kids now? I fully agree that this is the worst idea ever.
And no, Ms. Gadzinski, I would never want to 'spoil' a child. The word 'spoil' isn't very nice in the first place, why would anyone ever think it to have good connotations? =|
And no, Ms. Gadzinski, I would never want to 'spoil' a child. The word 'spoil' isn't very nice in the first place, why would anyone ever think it to have good connotations? =|
12
This article — and, of course, allowing comments — is throwing red meat to the masses, and the Times knows it. While this is certainly not something I think is a great trend, I also don't think it marks the looming end of Western civilization. As another commenter noted, these trends come and go. In a few years, who knows, maybe the in thing for little girls will be mini-rodeos or GI Jane commando raids.
9
This is a disturbing article reflecting what folks, parents, values are.
3
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said (one of the mothers.)
That's absolutely ridiculous. When are some parents going to get it through their heads that saying no DOES mean you love your children? "No" is one of the best words you can say to your kids, after "I love you." And since when should parents care if a child's nose is out of joint because she doesn't get to go to a spa like Mommy does? Parenting isn't a popularity contest. This is just dumb. It's the height (or depth) of crazy over-consumption.
That's absolutely ridiculous. When are some parents going to get it through their heads that saying no DOES mean you love your children? "No" is one of the best words you can say to your kids, after "I love you." And since when should parents care if a child's nose is out of joint because she doesn't get to go to a spa like Mommy does? Parenting isn't a popularity contest. This is just dumb. It's the height (or depth) of crazy over-consumption.
14
This isn't that new. When my daughter was 7, 10 years ago, there was a chain, I can't remember the name now, but they were in malls and offered 'makeover parties' to elementary school girls. Teenage girls would do the little kids' hair and makeup, and then encourage them to buy the products, which included day-glo clip-in hair pieces and sequined twirly skirts. 10 years ago I thought it was creepy, but the place was packed every weekend.
So this does not surprise me. But I am glad that I am not a little girl now, with the whole retro femi-princess thing that's been going on, and the need to be adorable for mom and dad's facebook photos, then growing up to post selfies on their own social media sites. I got to revel in being a hard-core tomboy almost all the way to high school, not caring what I looked like. That was true freedom, and it shaped me in a good way, and I don't think girls today have a chance for that kind of unself-consciousness at all.
So this does not surprise me. But I am glad that I am not a little girl now, with the whole retro femi-princess thing that's been going on, and the need to be adorable for mom and dad's facebook photos, then growing up to post selfies on their own social media sites. I got to revel in being a hard-core tomboy almost all the way to high school, not caring what I looked like. That was true freedom, and it shaped me in a good way, and I don't think girls today have a chance for that kind of unself-consciousness at all.
22
So, what child needs a childhood?
4
Bringing Up Barbie. And Ken? No doubt working out with the personal trainer and then off to a meeting with the clothing consultant. So while China turns out wind-up dolls designed to do recitations and coding, ours are intended for the runways and arenas.
Has it occurred to anyone in this increasingly crazy world that these are children, not machines? And will anyone get to actually explore their local worlds while growing up, or will we all be raising little lords and ladies of the manor if we're rich enough, serfs if we're not? Or is our ultimate fate a kind of sardonic Renaissance-in-reverse?
Has it occurred to anyone in this increasingly crazy world that these are children, not machines? And will anyone get to actually explore their local worlds while growing up, or will we all be raising little lords and ladies of the manor if we're rich enough, serfs if we're not? Or is our ultimate fate a kind of sardonic Renaissance-in-reverse?
8
So interesting that another NYT story on the same page is about Megan J. Smith, the woman recently appointed as the Chief Technology Officer of the United States. Take a look at Megan's photo. She's perfectly groomed. She doesn't appear to be sporting nail polish (not that there's anything wrong with that). Her hair is stylish...and she appears appropriately business-like. I'm certain Megan has not denied herself a massage or two in the recent past. What strikes me as different is the focus and prioritization placed on spa pampering.
I agree with all of the readers who mentioned misplaced priorities as an area of concern here. It does smack of narcissism. I don't think this trend is the problem, but I do think it's symptomatic of the downward spiral we're living through in this country.
For every young person who does something amazing, like Leila De Bruyne, a college student who started an educational not for profit for orphaned children in Kenya, there are 50 more kids being indulged in spa days. Leila was inspired by film one her teachers shared with the students about the slums of Kenya. Between her first and second years of college, Leila volunteered at an orphanage in Kenya. The next year, she recruited friends to join her. Today, she runs FlyingKites.org., the not for profit she and her friends founded. I wish every little girl knew who Leila De Bruyne is...and none of them knew who Kim Kardashian is.
I agree with all of the readers who mentioned misplaced priorities as an area of concern here. It does smack of narcissism. I don't think this trend is the problem, but I do think it's symptomatic of the downward spiral we're living through in this country.
For every young person who does something amazing, like Leila De Bruyne, a college student who started an educational not for profit for orphaned children in Kenya, there are 50 more kids being indulged in spa days. Leila was inspired by film one her teachers shared with the students about the slums of Kenya. Between her first and second years of college, Leila volunteered at an orphanage in Kenya. The next year, she recruited friends to join her. Today, she runs FlyingKites.org., the not for profit she and her friends founded. I wish every little girl knew who Leila De Bruyne is...and none of them knew who Kim Kardashian is.
17
At a time when females have no doubt come a long way, including being the majority of college students, and making inroads into occupations once only held by men, we now have this, for the pre teen girls! I don't know what this portends for the future, and not being a biological dad, I don't know, if I would allow it! But I do know this! As much as many boys are struggling today, I would suspect that they, or their parents would never get them involved, in any equivalent, nonsense!!!
3
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said.
Aaaaand there we have, in one statement, absolutely everything that is wrong with parenting today, and I say that as a parent of a child the same age as the girls in the article. When Paige and Makayla end up with drug problems, relationship problems, are unable to complete a course of study or hold down a job or become productive, functioning members of society, the parents will wail and lament and ask "why us? What did we do wrong?" Here's a clue. That statement? The one I quoted above? That's what you did wrong. That's it. That's all of it. Right there.
Aaaaand there we have, in one statement, absolutely everything that is wrong with parenting today, and I say that as a parent of a child the same age as the girls in the article. When Paige and Makayla end up with drug problems, relationship problems, are unable to complete a course of study or hold down a job or become productive, functioning members of society, the parents will wail and lament and ask "why us? What did we do wrong?" Here's a clue. That statement? The one I quoted above? That's what you did wrong. That's it. That's all of it. Right there.
27
Wow, so sure of yourself and your predictions for the future of another
woman's children. When I was a young mother, I might have made the
same comments. Now that I'm 65, never.
woman's children. When I was a young mother, I might have made the
same comments. Now that I'm 65, never.
5
I have a kid the age of the kids in the article. I don't define myself as a "young mother." Most of my friends have kids in their late teens or early twenties. Have I learned A LOT from watching their mistakes? ABSO-FREAKIN'-LUTELY. And the main and most damaging mistake most of them made was thinking that making their kid happy in the short term was more important than teaching them how to be freelance good human beings with values in the long term. I have no problem with the comments I made; sorry you do have a problem with them. Maybe a reconsideration of some of your own choices sparked by my comment, or the article, provoked some guilt or remorse - if so, you have my sympathies.
10
Susan Miller - I'm a grandmother now and can look back on mistakes that I made when I was a mother and therein lies the problem, our kids were raised by the women who made mistakes, not the older and wiser women we are now.
Believing that you shouldn't tell a child "no" is a whopper of a mistake and it's going to cause problems for all concerned.
Believing that you shouldn't tell a child "no" is a whopper of a mistake and it's going to cause problems for all concerned.
11
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said.
Everything wrong with the modern 'friend/parent' summed up in one quotable sentence. Should hold onto some of that cash tho, you're gonna need it when your spoiled kids get older and their taste gets more expensive. Have fun trying to say 'no' then!
Everything wrong with the modern 'friend/parent' summed up in one quotable sentence. Should hold onto some of that cash tho, you're gonna need it when your spoiled kids get older and their taste gets more expensive. Have fun trying to say 'no' then!
19
A mother afraid her children won't love her if she says no? What are these children going to look forward to if they engage in adult diversions at age 7? These parents may be well-motivated but they are doing their daughters no favors.
16
Last year, my 8-year-old great-niece was invited to one of those "makeover parties". Her mother and grandmother were horrified. Trouble was, she wanted to go and be with her friends but not submit to "all that stupid stuff". After much negotiation, it was decided that she would go and watch, then join the others for the birthday meal. She soon got bored with watching and spent the remaining time reading the book she had brought along.
Her birthday party, a few months later, was spent at a hardware store building bird feeders (at her insistence, with "real tools"!) The next party for her group was held at a climbing gym.
It seems that in parties, as in most other activities, fashions come and go.
Her birthday party, a few months later, was spent at a hardware store building bird feeders (at her insistence, with "real tools"!) The next party for her group was held at a climbing gym.
It seems that in parties, as in most other activities, fashions come and go.
16
And then they wonder why their kids turn into entitled, narcissistic, obnoxious brats. Definitely one of the more depressing stories of the year--but, hey, it's only January 3rd.
18
I think my head may explode, and I'm not even a dentist.
11
Why do so many parents want to push their children into the craziness of adulthood? What 10 year old needs a facial?!
Childhood is a rare time in a person's life and so short... let children be children and NOT mini-adults. They have 70+ years of doing spas, but only 10-15 years of being a kid. Don't short-change them.
Childhood is a rare time in a person's life and so short... let children be children and NOT mini-adults. They have 70+ years of doing spas, but only 10-15 years of being a kid. Don't short-change them.
15
Just because the "spa" experience is embedded as a cultural norm in the U.S. does not mean we should construe it as such. "Normal" is derived from a standard, originally referring to the mathematical "right." Should we consider "Sweet and Sassy Princess Spa Days" as such?
Reinforcing girls' collective identities and ritualistic meaning around "Manicures, hairdos, makeup, and some gossip---" undermines critical identity development, and adds another layer of objectification entrapment and obfuscation for girls, women, and society.
Do we want our girls to have confident and authentic self-perceptions with evolving identities driven by healthy and realistic gender-neutral experiences, or should we continue to allow the dark underbelly of extreme market capitalism perpetuate societal inequities for our daughters via pervasive objectification campaigns?
Until we increase education in schools about gender inequities from a young age, ban advertisements from sexualizing girls--and gender-typing both boys and girls, and mandate/reinforce job and wage equity for women (and provide affordable childcare so women can maintain income and power), our society will be stymied by the manifestations of such oppression.
Reinforcing girls' collective identities and ritualistic meaning around "Manicures, hairdos, makeup, and some gossip---" undermines critical identity development, and adds another layer of objectification entrapment and obfuscation for girls, women, and society.
Do we want our girls to have confident and authentic self-perceptions with evolving identities driven by healthy and realistic gender-neutral experiences, or should we continue to allow the dark underbelly of extreme market capitalism perpetuate societal inequities for our daughters via pervasive objectification campaigns?
Until we increase education in schools about gender inequities from a young age, ban advertisements from sexualizing girls--and gender-typing both boys and girls, and mandate/reinforce job and wage equity for women (and provide affordable childcare so women can maintain income and power), our society will be stymied by the manifestations of such oppression.
10
A once-in-a-while-thing, well, okay, but it seems like its for the more affluent families. Maybe that's a good thing that it's not widespread.
1
Sick, sick, sick - and emblematic of the shallow "values" our society eagerly embraces: narcissism and the world of "selfies."
In case of national crisis, our adults and children will be wailing about how their manicure is chipped. And I can't blame the kids, because it's their idiot parents who are buying into (and paying for) this nonsense.
The "ethos" behind this spa-for-kiddies insanity is indicative of how America is racing to the bottom and squandering all the advantages that "freedom" should give us. We are losing ground academically, ethically, morally - and the lost ground is CELEBRATED on TV, in magazines, etc. Everyone knows who the Kar-trashians, but a lot of people couldn't tell you the basics of American history.
Eventually some sociologist will get a thesis paper out of this bizarre phenomenon, in an attempt to identify when America jumped the shark.
In case of national crisis, our adults and children will be wailing about how their manicure is chipped. And I can't blame the kids, because it's their idiot parents who are buying into (and paying for) this nonsense.
The "ethos" behind this spa-for-kiddies insanity is indicative of how America is racing to the bottom and squandering all the advantages that "freedom" should give us. We are losing ground academically, ethically, morally - and the lost ground is CELEBRATED on TV, in magazines, etc. Everyone knows who the Kar-trashians, but a lot of people couldn't tell you the basics of American history.
Eventually some sociologist will get a thesis paper out of this bizarre phenomenon, in an attempt to identify when America jumped the shark.
15
This is just nauseating. What is this world coming to.
17
Marketing More Successful than Any other Social Influence ?
Another thing sold to narcissistic parents.; they in turn introduce this their children and the cycle is perpetuated.
Another thing sold to narcissistic parents.; they in turn introduce this their children and the cycle is perpetuated.
5
I believe in capitalism. I believe strongly in your absolute right to earn a buck, and conversely, to pay for services and let someone else earn a buck. To waste, to save, to be charitable or not! But Lordy, whatever happened to the carefree days of childhood? Even those awkward and skinny/chubby preteen years when you were allowed to be blissfully unaware of your "exterior potential"! Gratefully, I was rather a dork, and still found plenty of time in teen years to primp, and try every possible dime store remedy for whatever I thought at the moment was ailing me, or was the cause of huge imperfection. It is in a word, pitiful.
7
Barbie's life in her dreamhouse is a top video game. Little girls love to play dress up and they dress up their dolls. Trying to get princesses out of their lives is a challenge. Playing with makeup is expected and wearing nail polish applied by mom is a point of pride. Wealthier kids may have a live-in nanny. Food is prepared for them. They are chauffeured around. They get to go shopping at fancy stores and the wealthier the family, the more expensive their purchases.
But paying to play with a cosmetologist is an inappropriate birthday gift for an ordinary kid. For one thing spas are "sanctuaries for luxury", even though Toys R Us offers them for $30. From the standpoint of an ordinary kid, the life of an upper middle class kid is constant pampering and spoiling. $70 shoes are out of the question. And a visit to Saks is tourism, only. It seems to me that a lot of upper middle class parents find this spa thing offensive for ordinary kids. Maybe, if the ordinary families could afford the lifestyle of the upper middle class, ordinary moms wouldn't want to pamper their daughters. More power to the ordinary moms of the world.
But paying to play with a cosmetologist is an inappropriate birthday gift for an ordinary kid. For one thing spas are "sanctuaries for luxury", even though Toys R Us offers them for $30. From the standpoint of an ordinary kid, the life of an upper middle class kid is constant pampering and spoiling. $70 shoes are out of the question. And a visit to Saks is tourism, only. It seems to me that a lot of upper middle class parents find this spa thing offensive for ordinary kids. Maybe, if the ordinary families could afford the lifestyle of the upper middle class, ordinary moms wouldn't want to pamper their daughters. More power to the ordinary moms of the world.
2
I think this is another manifestation of the "Two Americas": There's a small group of parents who think it's a fine and natural thing to have somebody give their 8 year old a facial and a day of "pampering". Then there's the rest of us, who think this is just nuts.
This goes beyond getting nails done like Mommy. You get a facial because something is wrong with your skin; you get pampered because your life is stressful. These children are being taught to expect a life of luxury, of stress that has to be undone or compensated for and that their perfect, youthful skin and faces aren't good enough.
These parents and spas are teaching and reinforcing the eternal discontent and looking for satisfaction outside the self that already plague so many adults. It's not just being observed by children and mimicked; now it's actually being taught to them. What a shame.
This goes beyond getting nails done like Mommy. You get a facial because something is wrong with your skin; you get pampered because your life is stressful. These children are being taught to expect a life of luxury, of stress that has to be undone or compensated for and that their perfect, youthful skin and faces aren't good enough.
These parents and spas are teaching and reinforcing the eternal discontent and looking for satisfaction outside the self that already plague so many adults. It's not just being observed by children and mimicked; now it's actually being taught to them. What a shame.
8
My life isn't stressful and at age 51 I don't think I've had five blemishes in a lifetime. But I get facials, massages and other treatments all the time. For the aesthetic pleasure & pampering. Don't assume about things you're unfamiliar with...
3
"I don't want them to feel that my saying 'no' means that I don't love them"
Although I may not have appreciated it at the time, it was wonderful when older and wiser I was able to thank my parents for the love they showed in sometimes saying 'no' when 'yes' would have been so much easier.
Although I may not have appreciated it at the time, it was wonderful when older and wiser I was able to thank my parents for the love they showed in sometimes saying 'no' when 'yes' would have been so much easier.
6
There are so many things about this that are disturbing. One is spoiled for choice. Let me hit the high (or low) points. First, little girls are not show dogs to be groomed, petted, displayed. They are not Barbie dolls. They are at a stage in their lives when their personality, self-image and values are being shaped. And apparently, some parents think this is the perfect time to teach them that they are only valued for how they look, not who they are; that their energies should be channeled into developing a grooming regimen rather than developing their minds and learning to value themselves and others for who they are rather than how they look. This is shameful and sad.
8
First, may we draw a distinction between spa treatments that focus on beautification, like hair styling and nail painting, and those which are intended for health or spirituality, like massage?
Second, it would surely be a joy for a child to be treated to any of those spa-like services administered by his or her own parent(s) rather than a stranger. And not to mention much more appropriate.
Second, it would surely be a joy for a child to be treated to any of those spa-like services administered by his or her own parent(s) rather than a stranger. And not to mention much more appropriate.
7
A body rub is "spiritual"? Ha ha ha. Oh, the ability of humans to deceive themselves.
1
If you have to ask, you'll never know, Publius.
But stick to your narrow mindset if that is more comfortable to you.
But stick to your narrow mindset if that is more comfortable to you.
6
My daughter and her mother have made occasional trips to the spa for what seems like forever, She loved her Barbies and princesses and nail polish. Her colors are pink and pink. In high school , she finished 4th in both her events at the state swimming meet. She recently qualified for the Boson Marathon. And she's one of the few females in her graduate bioinformatics program. Michelle is an unconventional thinker who once explained to me when it wold be ethical to cannibalize another even though she's vegan. That one went over my head. She's not a girlie girl, she's not a tomboy. She just is who she is. I think younger parents spend too much time sweating the small stuff.
7
I am made queasy by this spate of affuenza and entitlement for ever-younger kids -- yuck. There is no sense of teaching the value of money, or of the problematic class issues here, or of the over-emphasis on vanity. Bleagh.
11
This is mostly a $30 Toys R Us thing. The afluenza are critics of the practice, although they spend much more for that one special piece of jewelry that their daughters "need". If you read between the lines, the real issue for the afluenza is that spa visits are tacky.
4
Many people are observing that child-targeted spa programs may be reinforcing a cosmetic obsession at an unreasonably young age. But what of the argument that spa parties are a good thing? Surely teaching a child that makeup and impressive hairdoos are only for special occasions (birthdays, etc.) - rather than frequently repeated ritual is beneficial.
My family had "mother daughter days" every 6 months or so, and some involved receiving mani-pedis and having my makeup done. I don't think I've suffered as a result - I don't wear makeup anywhere near daily (perhaps because I never learned to put it on myself, as someone else always did it) and I view spa days as rare treats.
My family had "mother daughter days" every 6 months or so, and some involved receiving mani-pedis and having my makeup done. I don't think I've suffered as a result - I don't wear makeup anywhere near daily (perhaps because I never learned to put it on myself, as someone else always did it) and I view spa days as rare treats.
3
There are two issues here - the cost and the message the spa day is sending. If you want to have a kid's birthday party outside your home with entertainment, it's going to run you $200-$400. My daughter is having a swimming party at a local indoor pool, and it's going to be $350. For me, it's money well-spent to avoid 15 kids making my house a mess plus the stress of decorating, planning activities etc. This is more a gift for me and her dad than for her. Her friends that have parties at their houses have "party facilitators" hired at $200/party anyway, so there's not a huge cost benefit at one location vs. another.
While I personally find the idea of a spa day boring, my daughter (she's almost 7) loves painting her nails and always begs me to put on makeup. If a spa party is a one-off event, I don't think kids of that age see it as anything other than a one-day activity, same as a swim party or a bounce-house party. I say no to my daughter All The Time, but would let her choose a birthday party theme within reason. I would guess most kids her age and younger would find sitting still long enough to get a treatment a bit dull.
While I personally find the idea of a spa day boring, my daughter (she's almost 7) loves painting her nails and always begs me to put on makeup. If a spa party is a one-off event, I don't think kids of that age see it as anything other than a one-day activity, same as a swim party or a bounce-house party. I say no to my daughter All The Time, but would let her choose a birthday party theme within reason. I would guess most kids her age and younger would find sitting still long enough to get a treatment a bit dull.
4
You're complaining about a woman providing expensive limo/spa treatments for her spawn while you are providing expensive pool outings for yours. Too funny!
How about cupcakes (vegan and gluten-free, of course) in the backyard, or would that be too down-market for you?
How about cupcakes (vegan and gluten-free, of course) in the backyard, or would that be too down-market for you?
4
Did you earn the $350 yourself?
2
Did I complain? I think not; just said that a spa day is not my cup of tea. And I agree, the cost of a party anywhere is expensive, but my time is also valuable, and there's a LOT of planning and hard work involved in having a home party. Not down-market, just not always feasible with my full-time work and small house with no yard.
3
There is so much that disturbed me within this article. Little girls being encouraged by their mothers to be "pampered". The entire "princess" fantasy instilled upon girls and the amount of money being spent on these treatments. My mother and I would have little home facials and she would polish my nails. A bit girly for my tomboy self, but quality time spent with mom without a limo.excess money, and being regarded as a princess which is completely unrealistic. I'm glad I liked to climb trees and not live in a fantasy world.
10
More than one thing can be true at the same time. Perhaps the parents
who spend money for their children to go to a spa, also give to charity and
do volunteer work. Why would a spa day birthday party turn a child into
a non compassionate, uncaring adult?
I've never been to a spa, and it's not something I would have chosen for
my girls when they were young, but some of the comments are way over the top.
who spend money for their children to go to a spa, also give to charity and
do volunteer work. Why would a spa day birthday party turn a child into
a non compassionate, uncaring adult?
I've never been to a spa, and it's not something I would have chosen for
my girls when they were young, but some of the comments are way over the top.
11
If a child starts going to the spa/getting a call phone at an early age, they think that life includes these luxuries.
For me, it's less about sexuality and more about setting up kids to expect these things their entire life. When you spend your entire childhood and adolescence as a pampered pooch, adulthood is going to be one cold hard reality.
For me, it's less about sexuality and more about setting up kids to expect these things their entire life. When you spend your entire childhood and adolescence as a pampered pooch, adulthood is going to be one cold hard reality.
11
Who is going to pay for college when the college fund is spent on nail polish that chips and gets taken off in a week? I hope it is not the taxpayer. If all these parents can prove that they have saved the maximum allowed by state law for a tax deduction into their state 529s, then spend the excess on a treat.
5
As a young woman I traveled the world. One of my most enduring memories was going to the public baths in Istanbul. The hamum was ancient. At its center, a marble octagon, streaked with light filtered through stained glass windows in the cupola thirty feet above, lit up a scene worthy of Rembrandt. Women of all ages in various stages of the cleansing ritual lay or sat scattered throughout this beautiful space. I left hours later, feeling renewed and enriched not just physically, but spiritually.
Back home in Canada nothing compared even remotely to that experience. The burgeoning Spa business left me cold in every sense of the word and does to this day some forty years on.
Those few who have defended Spa visits for themselves and their daughters as bonding moments, as treating themselves to a delicious luxury to renew the spirit are on the right track, but I have to tell you that the crass commercialism of the American model is a far cry from what I experienced in the orient. One is like going to a sacred place, the other like going to a mall. It's not that we don't all need a little pampering once in awhile, its that we are as a culture, woefully ill equipped to understand the difference between nourishment and empty indulgence.
Back home in Canada nothing compared even remotely to that experience. The burgeoning Spa business left me cold in every sense of the word and does to this day some forty years on.
Those few who have defended Spa visits for themselves and their daughters as bonding moments, as treating themselves to a delicious luxury to renew the spirit are on the right track, but I have to tell you that the crass commercialism of the American model is a far cry from what I experienced in the orient. One is like going to a sacred place, the other like going to a mall. It's not that we don't all need a little pampering once in awhile, its that we are as a culture, woefully ill equipped to understand the difference between nourishment and empty indulgence.
17
I have been to the exact Turkish bath you describe and while an enjoyable experience frankly it was, in its way, quite mercenary and crass. My group was zipped through as though we were on an assembly line; jugs of Clorox sat around juxtaposed with the ancient fixtures, etc. -- believe me, Americans don't have the market cornered on commercialism. Meanwhile I have been to simple massage spas in quaint Victorian houses or old storefronts, furnished sparely with antiques and/or shabby-chic trash-to-treasure finds, with nary a name brand in sight and practitioners who take their work very seriously and whose art is very uncommercial and nourishing.
People just love to jump on the "how crass and tacky" bandwagon without really thinking through what they are saying, I guess.
People just love to jump on the "how crass and tacky" bandwagon without really thinking through what they are saying, I guess.
4
You have not been to the exact Turkish bath I've described. Yours sounds awful. Mine was every bit a wonderful as I've described. But then I wasn't in a group. That might have been a factor in your assembly line experience. The other questions are: Who directed you to this particular hamam? Were you a tourist or a traveler? Vastly different experiences when you make your own decisions about were you go and what you see, and what you do.
The quaint Victorian houses and old storefronts sound quite lovely and I have gone to a few of those myself. You are right in that some of these practitioners take their work very seriously and provide a genuine nourishing experience for their clients.
However, for me, its still a far cry from the bath and spa culture that existed in the Ottoman empire and still exists today in places like Japan, Germany, the Baltics, the Middle and Far East. Having experienced the real thing in all of those places, I know the difference.
The quaint Victorian houses and old storefronts sound quite lovely and I have gone to a few of those myself. You are right in that some of these practitioners take their work very seriously and provide a genuine nourishing experience for their clients.
However, for me, its still a far cry from the bath and spa culture that existed in the Ottoman empire and still exists today in places like Japan, Germany, the Baltics, the Middle and Far East. Having experienced the real thing in all of those places, I know the difference.
8
I believe it was the same, Memi -- the stained glass, big octagonal marble platform, etc.
I was on a professional sabbatical hosted by ...the Istanbul bureau of ..er..shall we say a famous American newsgathering organization.... and six of us were taken to the baths by one of our hosts. We didn't hop off a tour bus, if that's what you mean, but I suppose we were the lowly tourist rather than the much more cerebral and discerning traveler you describe yourself as. We'll just have to limp along through life not having experienced as much of the "real thing" as our betters...
I was on a professional sabbatical hosted by ...the Istanbul bureau of ..er..shall we say a famous American newsgathering organization.... and six of us were taken to the baths by one of our hosts. We didn't hop off a tour bus, if that's what you mean, but I suppose we were the lowly tourist rather than the much more cerebral and discerning traveler you describe yourself as. We'll just have to limp along through life not having experienced as much of the "real thing" as our betters...
2
Being rich is pretty good. You get to do a lot of silly things that cost a lot of money, some of which can be quite amusing.
The greatest danger for a kid growing up in an affluent bubble is to assume quite naturally later in life -- because kids assume that everybody else's family, neighborhood, and life works pretty much like their own -- that people who are not as well off as they are have failed somehow, have something wrong with them, and do not deserve a better life because they haven't earned it.
I have seen this a lot in my life: gloating over other people's failures, or an unforgiving attitude toward people who grew up with lousy schools, are caught up in the criminal justice system, or stuck in dead-end jobs.
I am not saying it is an either/or. It is more of a tragedy. Affluent families can spend lavishly on silliness for their kids. Why not? And their kids grow up in a silly, lavish world. Better laughing than crying, I say.
But somewhere along the line today's kids will have to confront the enormous injustices and inequities in this world, and they are indeed gigantic. I hate to see another generation of rich people who do not think too much about or feel any sense of responsibility for the poverty that holds their sparkling world above the dirty swamp of misery so many people live in so that money and power concentrate at the top.
The greatest danger for a kid growing up in an affluent bubble is to assume quite naturally later in life -- because kids assume that everybody else's family, neighborhood, and life works pretty much like their own -- that people who are not as well off as they are have failed somehow, have something wrong with them, and do not deserve a better life because they haven't earned it.
I have seen this a lot in my life: gloating over other people's failures, or an unforgiving attitude toward people who grew up with lousy schools, are caught up in the criminal justice system, or stuck in dead-end jobs.
I am not saying it is an either/or. It is more of a tragedy. Affluent families can spend lavishly on silliness for their kids. Why not? And their kids grow up in a silly, lavish world. Better laughing than crying, I say.
But somewhere along the line today's kids will have to confront the enormous injustices and inequities in this world, and they are indeed gigantic. I hate to see another generation of rich people who do not think too much about or feel any sense of responsibility for the poverty that holds their sparkling world above the dirty swamp of misery so many people live in so that money and power concentrate at the top.
11
Just another example of how the American culture of extreme consumerism has warped our sense of discernment of appropriateness, our fundamental values and our ability to raise compassionate, capable, unspoiled children into contributors rather than unappreciative takers in this society
As an American, I find this type of story about American excess to be a shameful example of our inability to understand and engage in selflessness when it is so necessary to our sustainability due to our blind ambition and selfishness through our our actions and examples for our children.
As an American, I find this type of story about American excess to be a shameful example of our inability to understand and engage in selflessness when it is so necessary to our sustainability due to our blind ambition and selfishness through our our actions and examples for our children.
22
What's much more disturbing is the fact that this mother felt that "saying no meant I don't love them." Parents that love their children say "no" realizing what is best for them, not giving in to the moment to be liked.
20
By leaving off the first part of Ms Ehresman's quote you've taken it out of context, changing it's meaning from that intended. What she said was, "I don't want them to feel that my saying no means that I don't love them". The full quote implies (to me) that she agrees with your point.
MIke,
Read N.M's comment. She wrote the entire quote and still interpreted it the same as I. I'll agree to disagree with you. The bottom line is that this parent could not say "no" when she needed to for fear of rejection and her child's interpretation. She didn't want to risk it rather than have a valuable conversation about why she was saying no. Not being able to say that little word sure will have a large effect on that child's future.
Read N.M's comment. She wrote the entire quote and still interpreted it the same as I. I'll agree to disagree with you. The bottom line is that this parent could not say "no" when she needed to for fear of rejection and her child's interpretation. She didn't want to risk it rather than have a valuable conversation about why she was saying no. Not being able to say that little word sure will have a large effect on that child's future.
3
I just heard a radio talk show in which two doctors discussed their recently published book about early puberty in girls -- like girls in 2nd or 3rd grades! Certain things like tea tree oil and other products may contribute to this, so they said. Seems to me spas and products for children might have the same effect. Let them play outside!!!
10
I am not sure how safe cosmetics the spa uses for kids. Most of make up cosmetics ingredients include toxic ingredients which are especially more harmful sexually immature kids. Some adults never worry those stuff ... What can we do if parents want to spoil their kids? But business owners... Come on, please be thoughtful about what you are actually putting on to kids face.
2
No no NO, the whole idea is to have them identify their self-esteem with brand names as early as possible, the more expensive the better... I'm sure "safe" kiddie stuff fits poorly into the picture.
2
This has been an especially hard year for children all over the world - war, starvation, desperate exile, kidnapping, slavery - every sort of cruelty and exploitation is on the rise. So this excess, which doesn't even honor what's truly beautiful and precious about a child, is simply disgusting. I've lovingly raised three very fine daughters, and the right idea is to encourage compassion, good humor, self respect, generosity, resilience and courageous integrity, not to produce vain, self-absorbed narcissists. What a sad article.
23
Funny. For all the grown-up things these 1-percenters do for their kids, the girls are still babies. They haven't bothered to potty train a 3-year old, but find time and money to get her nails done??? Our kid's preschool demanded that they be potty trained by age 2.25!!!
18
I was aghast at that as well. Stay home from the spa and get the girl potty trained, for Pete's sake!
4
The level of venom reflected in some of these comments is disturbing. As an unmarried man without children I don't have personal knowledge about the spa experience for young girls, but I do know that I find the occasional day at a spa (or week at a spa-based resort) -- facial, massage, sauna, hot tub and the like -- to be relaxing and something that generally makes me feel good. Why is it so troublesome to many of your readers if parents share an experience that they enjoy with their children?
18
Personally, my extreme reaction comes from (1) the fact that the parents aren't "enjoying" these things together with their kids -- they're shelling out money for someone else to pamper them; (2) adults earn the money to pay for their own spa treatments, and bear physical and emotional burdens we need to unwind from that children do not; and (3) teaching little girls that getting their nails and hair done, getting facials, etc. is just as important as going to the dentist is perpetuating that very damaging emphasis on physical appearance that they need far less of in their lives.
12
I think it has something to do with the woman who is afraid her child won't love her. That and the repulsive consumerism. And the princess complex. And the part about the spa being like the dentist. Come to think of it, it's the entire article.
11
Because this is a feminist issue.
The mother of this child should take that money and have her daughter decide which charity should receive the donation. A spa for kids- ridiculous, horrifying and never mind indoctrinating your kid into thinking this is normal. What's next? Plastic surgery for 10 year olds?
10
"Plastic surgery for 10 year olds?"
On the way in some cases I am sure. Probably the limiting factor is that plastic surgeons don't do some procedures until patient is grown up.
On the way in some cases I am sure. Probably the limiting factor is that plastic surgeons don't do some procedures until patient is grown up.
1
I am reading this while waiting for the car pool to take my daughter to the rink where the girls admire each other for a good pass, a fast breakaway, being a good sport and teammate and where they aspire to the stinky sweaty hockey helmet hair that proves they worked hard on the ice. (And they applaud each others good grades) I am officially done with complaining about schlepping to the rink.
62
You and me, both. Next on my list of tasks for the day - finding an upholstery needle and nylon thread and teaching my daughter how to repair a loose strap on her goalie pads. She has a game tomorrow.
And if the game gets rained out (the game is on an outdoor rink with bad weather predicted for tomorrow), I am plotting the long-overdue Mother/Daughter Doctor Who Marathon, which will involve convincing her father that if he wants to watch football playoff games, it will have to be elsewhere.
And if the game gets rained out (the game is on an outdoor rink with bad weather predicted for tomorrow), I am plotting the long-overdue Mother/Daughter Doctor Who Marathon, which will involve convincing her father that if he wants to watch football playoff games, it will have to be elsewhere.
3
Reminds me of Club Libby Lu.
1
I wish more of these rich parents would, instead of focusing so much on looks, teach their daughters empathy and not to bully others in mean girl style because of jealousy or someone being different than them. That would be a great way to spend some time
10
This article is somewhat jarring, I admit. But wake up, people; don't blame the particular parents who patronize places like this; they're victims, too. Sweet and Sassy, and places like it, seem like the perfectly logical consequence of a culture that has been awash in narcissism, celebrity-worship and the sexualization of women for quite some time now.
37
The parents are not victims. They are adults and have the ability to see that they are choosing to teach their daughters that what really matters is that their daughters be 'pretty', and that being female means that your appearance will always matter more than what is inside.
6
@Susan Davies: Oh, please, stop with the "parents are victims too" routine. The parents are *exactly* the people to blame in this case - they are the ones facilitating and encouraging this behavior, when they should be using this as a teachable moment to discuss this and to demonstrate alternate behavior and attitudes for their children.
Adults who cannot identify what is appropriate and inappropriate for their children, and who cannot say "no" when necessary, have no business raising children.
Adults who cannot identify what is appropriate and inappropriate for their children, and who cannot say "no" when necessary, have no business raising children.
6
So consumers are victims? They have no agency and helplessly hand over their hard earned cash?
5
It's never too soon to introduce a child to the topics of her future sessions with her psychotherapist.
13
Conspicuous consumption for seven year olds.
Might as well teach your kids the important things in life early on.
The parents of these kids disgust me.
Might as well teach your kids the important things in life early on.
The parents of these kids disgust me.
11
This article is somewhat jarring, I admit. But wake up, people; don't blame the particular parents who patronize places like this; they're victims, too. Sweet and Sassy, and places like it, seem like the perfectly logical consequence of a culture that has been awash in narcissism, celebrity-worship and the sexualization of women for quite some time now.
1
"“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said."
Is she serious? This sentence symbolises everything that is wrong about child-rearing today.
Is she serious? This sentence symbolises everything that is wrong about child-rearing today.
14
""Madeline Levine, a child psychologist and author, called the child spa “the worst idea ever."" YES.
18
I should hope that my children understand I say ‘no’ because I love them and want to keep them safe.
That having been said, many little girls and some boys love to try on makeup or have their toes painted.
To be frank, I can't see a lot of harm in allowing an occasional treat of this nature, in the same way that I believe that it will not harm children to be taken on a special holiday to Disneyland. Get a grip folks.
That having been said, many little girls and some boys love to try on makeup or have their toes painted.
To be frank, I can't see a lot of harm in allowing an occasional treat of this nature, in the same way that I believe that it will not harm children to be taken on a special holiday to Disneyland. Get a grip folks.
3
The spa association’s president, Lynne McNees, said it was good for girls to learn that beauty treatments can reduce stress and promote health. “It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them [and their parents' money] early, and get those really good habits [so we can get said parents' money regularly.]”
This is profoundly sick, and saddening. Really.
7
Child abuse, no?
5
I am horrified by the whole thing, three year olds getting facials are you kidding me? What a bunch of nitwits tossing money at things as useless as this stuff. What one earth are we teaching these little kids?
10
I can't help but think the author of this piece was very aware of how provocative the comment "I don't want them to feel that my saying 'no' means I don't love them" would be to readers. Admittedly I felt a gag reflex reading that myself.
But if that line was removed, I think this might be chalked up to any other number of pricey, birthday cottage industry stuff that parents do for their children (see Chuck E Cheese, Party Gym FunTime America). That said, if the morally relevant difference here is the implications of gender stereotypes about beauty and self-image for young girls I would think a pedicure and limo ride in a parking lot is a cognitive and financial bargain when compared to the cost and reach of the Disney Princess franchise.
But if that line was removed, I think this might be chalked up to any other number of pricey, birthday cottage industry stuff that parents do for their children (see Chuck E Cheese, Party Gym FunTime America). That said, if the morally relevant difference here is the implications of gender stereotypes about beauty and self-image for young girls I would think a pedicure and limo ride in a parking lot is a cognitive and financial bargain when compared to the cost and reach of the Disney Princess franchise.
16
It's too late - doesn't one of the little girls in the story refer to herself as a princess?
Here on the upper east side of Manhattan there is a spa on practically every corner and they are filled to capacity. I think these adult women are paving the way for their children to follow. The money could be spent on so many needy causes and benefit so many unfortunate people who are in dire straits. We should get our priorities in order if we are to be a once great country.
3
This is just awful.
Some enterprising sociology or psychology doctoral candidate ought to do a "Boyhood" (er, Girlhood...) type project where they interview some of these pampered lassies now (age ranges, say 3 to 10) and then interview them at 5-year intervals thereafter until they are 21.
It would be interesting to see the percentages of teen pregnancies, eating disorders, bridezillas, etc. compared to the equivalent in the general population.
Enroll these girls in the Girl Scouts! Let them go camping, get badges for learning new skills, for helping others.
The parents could make sure to put the money that would have gone for these "treatments" into their daughters' college funds.
Some enterprising sociology or psychology doctoral candidate ought to do a "Boyhood" (er, Girlhood...) type project where they interview some of these pampered lassies now (age ranges, say 3 to 10) and then interview them at 5-year intervals thereafter until they are 21.
It would be interesting to see the percentages of teen pregnancies, eating disorders, bridezillas, etc. compared to the equivalent in the general population.
Enroll these girls in the Girl Scouts! Let them go camping, get badges for learning new skills, for helping others.
The parents could make sure to put the money that would have gone for these "treatments" into their daughters' college funds.
33
The only problem for a doctoral candidate would be that they would have to wait about 15 years to get the doctorate!
(good idea tho.)
(good idea tho.)
3
There have been at least two longitudinal studies of a cohort I know of. One was a study of Harvard grads. The other is the famous "7 Up" series of films that began with a group of 7-year-olds and checks in with them at intervals of several years. Both have yielded interesting sociological data. No reason to think this wouldn't, as well.
I'm betting that there would be a higher-than-average incidence of eating disorders, but a lower-than-average incidence of teen pregnancy. And a near 100% incidence of Bridezillas.
I'm betting that there would be a higher-than-average incidence of eating disorders, but a lower-than-average incidence of teen pregnancy. And a near 100% incidence of Bridezillas.
1
There is always at least one article which is meant to have you re-tasting your coffee and breakfast in every edition of the NY Times. This is today's urper. I'm working up a big head of steam for some real outrage at these well-to-do, misguided parents and their spoiled children. There, I said it.
Wasn't JonBenét Ramsey from Boulder, CO? 'Nuff said.
7
How sad. The Baby-Industrial Complex steals these kids childhoods and the worst part ("I don't want them to feel that my saying no means that I don't love them) the parents are clueless that they are brainwashed into abusing their own children.
7
Most people go to spas to get away from their children. Is nowhere sacred?
12
I read an article not too long ago where kids were being taken to a gun range at the age of nine for a day of fun and frolic.
This is a far better option in my humble opinion. No one can die from an errant cucumber.
This is a far better option in my humble opinion. No one can die from an errant cucumber.
5
if they think no means you don't love then you've already spoiled them far too much. you're raising a tantrum thrower.
3
Is this for real? The only way to show love is to shower your kids with presents, beauty spas and money? We complain about the me-me-me- generation (young adults of today). Well, with this kind of things going on, we ain't seen nothing yet.
8
Now that we've surpassed Romania in prevalence of child poverty, it's clearly time for the sort of national self-examination that the presence of a trend such as this indicates we have not yet done.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2014/10/29/child-poverty...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2014/10/29/child-poverty...
5
I've never really understood the whole spa thing. Yes, I DO get a manicure every two weeks. Sometime around 70, I started getting my hair done weekly (at 71, with respiratory problems, standing in a shower with my hands over my head is difficult). I feel like my mother doing this! Good grooming is important and it can be taught at home.
Paying for a message for your child? I used to give my daughter (sometimes my son when he was young), a back rub at bedtime. Isn't this what PARENTS do, instead of hiring it done? I HATE nail polish on children, especially at the age when many still bit their nails.
I drove by a new spa about a mile from my house today. It was packed! It appears to have replaced another that went out of business (owner retired). I sometimes have gone there to have my eyelashes dyed (hair hasn't turned grey but eyelashes sure have!). I realized that there are women out there who spend hundreds of dollars each week on pampering. Most are widows or are divorced and are over 55 or 60. I don't think it's about staying young as much as being touched - something they miss in their lives.
If we cannot give our daughter time to touch and snuggle with them and instead have to pay a spa, we're in BIG trouble. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that a birthday spa party would be right up my 9 yr old granddaughter alley.
Of course, I was the mother who banned Barbie from our house when my now 42 yr old daughter was growing up - poor role model.
Paying for a message for your child? I used to give my daughter (sometimes my son when he was young), a back rub at bedtime. Isn't this what PARENTS do, instead of hiring it done? I HATE nail polish on children, especially at the age when many still bit their nails.
I drove by a new spa about a mile from my house today. It was packed! It appears to have replaced another that went out of business (owner retired). I sometimes have gone there to have my eyelashes dyed (hair hasn't turned grey but eyelashes sure have!). I realized that there are women out there who spend hundreds of dollars each week on pampering. Most are widows or are divorced and are over 55 or 60. I don't think it's about staying young as much as being touched - something they miss in their lives.
If we cannot give our daughter time to touch and snuggle with them and instead have to pay a spa, we're in BIG trouble. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that a birthday spa party would be right up my 9 yr old granddaughter alley.
Of course, I was the mother who banned Barbie from our house when my now 42 yr old daughter was growing up - poor role model.
10
This may be the most insightful comment of the day!
"I don't want them to feel that my saying 'no' means that I don't love them."
This tells us so much about this woman as a parent. You can assure your child of unconditional love and still set boundaries. She doesn't know this, and these businesses scoop up her parenting insecurities by the fistful (of cash).
This tells us so much about this woman as a parent. You can assure your child of unconditional love and still set boundaries. She doesn't know this, and these businesses scoop up her parenting insecurities by the fistful (of cash).
4
Why typecast little girls into something they're not, while not giving them the opportunity to learn what the possibilities might be. Such sophisticated nonsense, at such an early age, might just stifle the possibilities to become a great physicist, neurosurgeon, astronaut, school teacher, etc. They have to progress from little girl, to young lady, to woman, wife, mother…or whatever.
So, do we really want to take little girls' own freedom of choice--as to what they might wish to do in their lives--away from them and, then, pre-destine them to think that they should expect everything from Life--without ever having to work for them. Why take away these girls lifetime challenges, and the sense of actually achieving their goals.
http://thetruthoncommonsense.com
So, do we really want to take little girls' own freedom of choice--as to what they might wish to do in their lives--away from them and, then, pre-destine them to think that they should expect everything from Life--without ever having to work for them. Why take away these girls lifetime challenges, and the sense of actually achieving their goals.
http://thetruthoncommonsense.com
2
When we were about 12, my friend Letitia and I came into New York from Connecticut as we often did, and we went to Bloomingdale's. We happened by the Stendahl makeup counter, and the woman there offered us a makeover. They gave us the works—a full facial makeover including eyeliner, lipliner, foundation, mascara, everything. They clearly thought it was a hoot; I honestly don't know how often they got to do that. We must have looked like JonBenet Ramsey.
I sorely wish someone had taken a picture of us, but this was pre-selfie, pre-phone technology, back in the 70s—before digital photography even existed. When we met up with my mother, she was amazed and surprised; the makeup went down the drain that night, though.
“Don’t we all want to spoil our children?” [Ms. Gadzinski] asked.
Actually, that's why I have a dog. The only thing I took away from this article is that the kids are at least learning to take care of their nails at a young age.
I sorely wish someone had taken a picture of us, but this was pre-selfie, pre-phone technology, back in the 70s—before digital photography even existed. When we met up with my mother, she was amazed and surprised; the makeup went down the drain that night, though.
“Don’t we all want to spoil our children?” [Ms. Gadzinski] asked.
Actually, that's why I have a dog. The only thing I took away from this article is that the kids are at least learning to take care of their nails at a young age.
1
Chill New York Times readers. Sometimes having fun is just simply having fun. Relaxe.. those who left judgemental comments here probably need to have a Spa experiece yourself. Really, there are more serious and more damaging things in this society that are actually hurting our children.
21
As someone who lives in Los Angeles and sees plastic faces everywhere and kids with eating disorders and cutting issues, this is disturbing. Indulge and pamper and cut out all the 'imperfections'. Granted, having one spa experience is not going to turn a child into Kim Kardashian. However, excessive focus on the body and face sets a child up for all kinds of issues in later years.
10
Ah, to live on the surface with cucumbered eyes as a young girl; the women’s movement has come far n’est-ce pas?
6
For my daughter's birthdays, another mother and I would take a group of girls hiking. We did this for about 6 years until high school. I provided the lunches for their backpacks and off we went for the day. Back at our house we made a hardy meal together, and played games. Most of the girls would stay over night but first they played flashlight tag outside. They all slept well. Everyone looked forward to it each year. Now in their early 30s with kids of their own they still talk about the Birthday Girl Climbing Club.
9
These parents will get their due in time. I can't wait until these 3-year-olds are 13-year-olds!! Talk about karma.
4
Let's hope the parents tip well so at least one side of the equation benefits. How bizarre that children are rushed to be mini spoiled adults while adults try to remain spoiled adolescents. Ref. A.O. Scott's "Death of Adulthood."
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/14/magazine/the-death-of-adulthood-in-ame...
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/14/magazine/the-death-of-adulthood-in-ame...
You want to rear children who are not self absorbed, pampered and treated like princesses then take a page out of my granddaughter and her friend's book. For her 11th birthday she asked for new shoes in all sizes that she donated to the local assistance agency. She recently went to a birthday party of a friend, it was a dress like a story book character and was a mystery party. No gifts, bring a new toy for toys for tots. These are the young people who will contribute to society, not the over indulged children represented in this article.
14
Thanks. I feel happy again!
This is pathetic and occurs frequently in Manhattan. These children are so rude and arrogant and become spoiled adults. They want what they want and to heck with everybody else. They lack compassion for the less fortunate and rarely volunteer for a needy cause. The parents shower them with material things rather than love and quality time together. When I meet a well-behaved child which seems to be rare today I know they have been raised in a loving family. I worry about these children who think they deserve the best and fear for the future of our society fib this continues.
8
This creates jobs and makes people happy. By no means does every parent allow their child to partake in this, but if a parent wants this for their kids, they have that right.
1
I have an idea. Let's take 8 year old boys, seat them on bar stools, have eight year old scantily clad girls serve them fake whiskey and candy cigarettes, add a little raunchy music and maybe a mechanical bull. This would promote valuable male bonding. One could talk about having to share a room with their little brother and another could share how mean Ms. Smith is in math class. Of course after a hard day's work the girls can go to the spa.
19
As the mother of a 10 year old daughter, I find the whole "spa birthday" party for kids to be completely absurd. Granted, mine has turned down those invitations. It's just not her thing (it's not mine either, so the apple isn't falling far from that tree). And it's not like we don't indulge her sometimes - her last few birthdays have involved taking her friends ice skating (including skate rentals and instruction for those who can't skate, which pushes the cost above $400 quickly). But we keep things age-appropriate and gender-neutral (her male friends love skating as much as the girls do).
It's hard enough fighting the overt sexualization of young children and hard enough ensuring that our daughters value themselves for something more than their appearance.
Saying that a facial is like going to the dentist, a necessity for a healthy body, is merely justification for over-indulgence - take your kid to a dermatologist for a mole-check instead - that can be medically necessary (at least it is for mine, whose father survived malignant melanoma when he was 34).
And finally - saying "NO" to a child teaches them that they ARE loved - if you don't care what happens to them, you never say no to them. It's the people who care about a child and want them to be able to function in the "real world" who are willing to put limits on their actions and behavior.
It's hard enough fighting the overt sexualization of young children and hard enough ensuring that our daughters value themselves for something more than their appearance.
Saying that a facial is like going to the dentist, a necessity for a healthy body, is merely justification for over-indulgence - take your kid to a dermatologist for a mole-check instead - that can be medically necessary (at least it is for mine, whose father survived malignant melanoma when he was 34).
And finally - saying "NO" to a child teaches them that they ARE loved - if you don't care what happens to them, you never say no to them. It's the people who care about a child and want them to be able to function in the "real world" who are willing to put limits on their actions and behavior.
83
"Saying that a facial is like going to the dentist, a necessity for a healthy body, is merely justification for over-indulgence"
You don't go nearly far enough. I call it indoctrination.
You don't go nearly far enough. I call it indoctrination.
Nice life lessons for Princess, Mom — artifice, pretension, narcissism.
I doubt they make Girl Scout badges for those qualities!
And then we wonder why children lack empathy for others?
This is wrong on so many levels.
I doubt they make Girl Scout badges for those qualities!
And then we wonder why children lack empathy for others?
This is wrong on so many levels.
8
This is an adult decision? Unbelievable narcissistic actions that sound appropriate as a cause for the French Revolution. And they want to be interviewed by the NY Times? I pity in a way the daughters.
3
All this does is turn these girls into superficial, high spending, high maintenance women. I feel sorry for their future boyfriends or husbands.
The parents should, instead, give these girls books to read and electronics sets. We need more women in science, engineering, and math. Not high maintenance divas.
The parents should, instead, give these girls books to read and electronics sets. We need more women in science, engineering, and math. Not high maintenance divas.
7
I've noticed that many parents are routinely taking their children to the chiropractor too, I suppose to help them stay well 'adjusted'.
3
Beauty fades; dumb is forever.
- Judge Judy
- Judge Judy
14
The source, and a good message for parents:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhBa9N3bL2E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhBa9N3bL2E
The photos illustrating this article really looked like they were out of Diane Arbus territory-especially the little girl with the cucumber papers on her eyes. Truly creepy and sad. Just what we need is more Kardashians in the US or maybe mini-Stepford Wives.
9
i would not say these moms from aurora, co are "rich"… these seem like middle class families attempting to act rich; establishing examples of how to keep up with the jones and waste money. it is ludicrous.
7 year old girls should not be focused on beauty or vanity, but home and outside exploring.
7 year old girls should not be focused on beauty or vanity, but home and outside exploring.
11
Is there an equivalent for little boys?
sports
1
sports
At last, something that makes this atheist understand the urge to say "God help us!"
14
What happened to kids going out to play with friends until the streetlights come on? Aurora, Colorado is hardly the South Bronx so the "streets are dangerous" card can't be played here.
4
There sure are lots of people hollering "get off my lawn!" on this thread.
3
Can we please retire that pseudo-witticism? Talk about things getting old.
6
Over-the-top. Bring your kids to a science camp, where they can learn what goes into cosmetics.
Or, maybe bring them to a massage class for kids, where they can learn to massage Mommy and Daddy's feet and shoulders after returning home from a hard days work that pays for all the kid's toys, food, shelter, and other fun stuff.
I can see it now: a massage app for kids! Go, America! We're #1!
Or, maybe bring them to a massage class for kids, where they can learn to massage Mommy and Daddy's feet and shoulders after returning home from a hard days work that pays for all the kid's toys, food, shelter, and other fun stuff.
I can see it now: a massage app for kids! Go, America! We're #1!
3
FIT (Fashion Institute of NY, part of State University of NY) actually has a summer course in Cosmetics and Perfume Design, where making your own cosmetics is taught. My daughter took it and enjoyed it. However, it is a "real" course, with science included. It is part of their college department in Cosmetics and Fragrance Marketing,
3
Greetings, "NYT PIcks" reviewers,
I'm curious why my comment a couple of hours ago was not posted. I assure you I don't wish to argue about it. I just want to know so I can adjust my future comments style accordingly. I didn't use abusive language or "dirty" words, or libel; I didn't think I was disrespectul. I thought my post was constructive criticism by pointing out a deficiency in the article, and the Times appears to be commendably open to thoughtful criticism. So, I'm baffled.
Regards,
Marc Grobman
I'm curious why my comment a couple of hours ago was not posted. I assure you I don't wish to argue about it. I just want to know so I can adjust my future comments style accordingly. I didn't use abusive language or "dirty" words, or libel; I didn't think I was disrespectul. I thought my post was constructive criticism by pointing out a deficiency in the article, and the Times appears to be commendably open to thoughtful criticism. So, I'm baffled.
Regards,
Marc Grobman
2
Sometimes it just takes a long time here....
1
I've more or less given up trying to guess the rationale.
1
Sometimes my comments aren't posted for nearly 24 hours.
These girls should be running around outside, riding bikes, swinging on swings, learning to throw a frisbee.
2
Ridiculous.
Better ways to spend time with your child;
Reading a book together.
Volunteering at a local charity.
Taking a walk and discussing the local flora.
Baking cookies together.
Planting an indoor herb garden box.
Going to a museum or library.
The last thing we need are more pampered and spoiled spa indoctrinated 9-year olds.
Better ways to spend time with your child;
Reading a book together.
Volunteering at a local charity.
Taking a walk and discussing the local flora.
Baking cookies together.
Planting an indoor herb garden box.
Going to a museum or library.
The last thing we need are more pampered and spoiled spa indoctrinated 9-year olds.
10
Gosh, those little girls looked ugly after being all dolled up. It takes a sophisticated mind to see beauty is most often unaccompanied by blue and pink eyeshadow.
7
How depressing. Aren't there more meaningful things to do with your daughter? Like going on nature walks, cultivating an interest in art and music, reading to them, teaching them to value themselves by valuing others? If you want them to indulge in mimicking grown up activities, let them play dress-up, which is both creative and fun. Kids don't need pampering, they need NUTURING, but it seems some of these very well-to-do parents wouldn't know the difference.
10
How depressing. Aren't there more meaningful things to do with your daughter? Like going on nature walks, cultivating an interest in art and music, reading to them, teaching them to value themselves by valuing others? If you want them to indulge in mimicking grown up activities, let them play dress-up, which is both creative and fun. Kids don't need pampering, they need NUTURING, but it seems some of these very well-to-do parents wouldn't know the difference.
Wish I hadn't read this.
10
Goes to show there are creative business people who are always dreaming up successful ways to take money from soft, vain people.
12
No harm is done by going to spa. It is much better than taking kids to tanning salon.
2
"Let's get them early, and get those really good habits."
Yes, absolutely. The consumer culture needs to be inculcated as soon as possible. In utero if you can afford it. Spa treatments for three year olds? Why ever not? How else is a busy mom supposed to get her darling to look pretty enough for her beauty pageant? How else can she let her little princess know how much she loves her? The best way to every little girl's heart is through her daddy's wallet. Isn't that the message here?
Pity the poor child who has to make do with the plain old stuff her grandmother used to call the best things in life.
Yes, absolutely. The consumer culture needs to be inculcated as soon as possible. In utero if you can afford it. Spa treatments for three year olds? Why ever not? How else is a busy mom supposed to get her darling to look pretty enough for her beauty pageant? How else can she let her little princess know how much she loves her? The best way to every little girl's heart is through her daddy's wallet. Isn't that the message here?
Pity the poor child who has to make do with the plain old stuff her grandmother used to call the best things in life.
14
As long as the spas use sustainable energy sources where possible, recycle and compost their waste, pay fair wages equally, buy BHT free, and remain neutral with GLBT children, I don't see the harm in it. And the picture of the young girl with the cukes is adorable!
2
So what do these mommies of the little princesses say after they are done at the spa, let me guess "Good job".
11
The first thing that came into my mind was the name Jon Benet Ramsey. This is simply sick.
12
My thoughts exactly.
1
As a father of one, I can say all young girls are naturally beautiful. They don't need a visit to a spa to improve their looks or self-image. Read what "Samsara" suggested in commenting. So far, that has the most number of reader recommendations; plus, it garnered a Times Pick from the editors of this publication. Read it, and you'll see why.
7
How about teaching these girls to volunteer their talents at charities instead? People with this kind of money to throw away should not be talking about family values when they're training their daughters to compete in beauty pageants.
7
"They do deserve something special" . . . really, why?
"I don't want them to feel that my saying "no" means that I don't love them" . . . spending money on one's children can be an inappropriate attempt to compensate for one's own feelings of insecurity as a parent . . . having said "no" may well have been the best way to show them love.
What we do in charity today, is demanded in justice tomorrow . . . good luck to these parents when Princess becomes a teenager.
"I don't want them to feel that my saying "no" means that I don't love them" . . . spending money on one's children can be an inappropriate attempt to compensate for one's own feelings of insecurity as a parent . . . having said "no" may well have been the best way to show them love.
What we do in charity today, is demanded in justice tomorrow . . . good luck to these parents when Princess becomes a teenager.
8
This terrifies me...my close friends have everything that money could buy but could not win back their once brilliant daughter who is wasting away in eating disorder with no signs of hope.
Welcome to future generation of low self esteem in America !
Welcome to future generation of low self esteem in America !
8
Makes perfect sense. Since kids are forced to grow up so fast these days they are going to need some spa treatments to de-stress.
AL
AL
2
It is mother and daughter bonding time, not how I'd bond, but everyone is different. I say let them alone. It's not harming the child and who knows, maybe the daughter will grow up to be the CEO of her own line of beauty products, giving thanks to her mother for a lifelong training!
3
Did anyone else notice that while page is wearing a lovely tiara, she appears to be not wearing a seat belt? Playing with one yes, but wearing one, not so much.
1
I feel it's over the top. But what child hasn't asked mummy for some nail polish, or lippie or seen mum (or dad) in a moisturizing mask? While I can't and don't indulge in spa experiences, many mums do, and really, isn't this just a kid being exposed to the same rituals? But I would definitely cut out the full-face makeup and "princess" schtick and get them back to some age-appropriate activities asap.
11
I'm 72. This reminds me of a story my mother told of my smearing up the bathroom with her lipstick when I was 2 or 3. But she didn't rush out to buy me my own so I'd feel "included" or "validated."
9
I didn't.
I didn't - does that count?
I'm American and have two daughters born in this country, also American/Austrian by birth. We did "The Hills Are Alive" together in the alps, long walks in the forest for berries, foraging, chasing butterflies, swimming in falling springs, playing flutes to hungry cows grazing and climbing trees together. I showed them this article and the pictures. My older daughter, who is 21 now, shook her head in disgust and said:
"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." This made me laugh. This is quite tragic and nothing to laugh about. The comments to this article are all first class.
Lynne McNees: Stop lying to yourself. This is not a trip to the dentist or a way to reduce stress or promote health! I have a few words to what it is but it can't be printed in the comment section! Time to look into a mirror and see what you have given birth to!
"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." This made me laugh. This is quite tragic and nothing to laugh about. The comments to this article are all first class.
Lynne McNees: Stop lying to yourself. This is not a trip to the dentist or a way to reduce stress or promote health! I have a few words to what it is but it can't be printed in the comment section! Time to look into a mirror and see what you have given birth to!
12
I am on the fence....while a full blown spa day that costs that much seems frivolous and a sign that there are many whose money could do more good in the world, my daughter and I have been sharing mommy and me pedicure days as an occasional and special treat since she was quite young. It has not stopped her from growing into a fully-rounded child who loves reading, dogs, soccer, cello, her world cultures class, art, and girlscouts. It's all about balance. I grew up loving dressup....but I was a rough and tumbly tomboy. However, I would probably gag if I heard anyone tell my 11- year old she would "be treated like a Kardashian."
25
This looks like an issue of class, not gender. I don't think the staff at WalMart is buying $3000 birthday parties. The job creators appear to be creating jobs for...manicurists and masseuses. That'll turn things around, for sure.
8
I think a lot of those baby/toddler pageant moms are of the Walmart persuasion; it's not merely an upper-income pastime.
4
I think a lot of those baby/toddler pageant moms are of the Walmart persuasion; it's not merely an upper-income pastime.
An earth of finite resources has no chance against people will infinite appetites. On the other hand articles like these ensure steady work for tomorrow's therapists.
3
This is right up there with organized sports for kids too young to handle their equipment.
6
Poor parenting on display.
9
Have these parents totally lost their minds? This article just makes me sad.
8
Some readers misunderstand why posters are so upset.
What is disturbing about this is not that wealthy people are spending $$ to be really rather bad parents to their children, nor even that they are raising their daughters to value their bodies as currency & image (although these are disturbing)---
What is really disturbing is that our culture is becoming so shallow that well off people - the people with power - *choose* to spend their money on 100% shallow image, *choose* to raise their girls to value & promote this image (the selfies), *choose* to promote shallow empty narcissism.
These people are the arbiters of our culture. They are implicitly saying that the way you relax & feel good about yourself is to spend money on your skin (literally beauty & worth being skin deep).
They can spend their money as they want. They are choosing *not* to take their daughters to an elite tour of a museum, on a trip to anywhere on the globe, to our national parks, to play sports & get muddy, to concerts or theatre, to curl up with a good book, to run around in the snow or water.
No culture or contemplation or rigorous inner self-exploration or rigorous scholarship or artistry.
No. It's your skin. Women can be completely empty inside but the idea is if your skin is taken care of, you're good. Regardless of what's inside. The people with wealth & power believe this--that is what is so disturbing.
What is disturbing about this is not that wealthy people are spending $$ to be really rather bad parents to their children, nor even that they are raising their daughters to value their bodies as currency & image (although these are disturbing)---
What is really disturbing is that our culture is becoming so shallow that well off people - the people with power - *choose* to spend their money on 100% shallow image, *choose* to raise their girls to value & promote this image (the selfies), *choose* to promote shallow empty narcissism.
These people are the arbiters of our culture. They are implicitly saying that the way you relax & feel good about yourself is to spend money on your skin (literally beauty & worth being skin deep).
They can spend their money as they want. They are choosing *not* to take their daughters to an elite tour of a museum, on a trip to anywhere on the globe, to our national parks, to play sports & get muddy, to concerts or theatre, to curl up with a good book, to run around in the snow or water.
No culture or contemplation or rigorous inner self-exploration or rigorous scholarship or artistry.
No. It's your skin. Women can be completely empty inside but the idea is if your skin is taken care of, you're good. Regardless of what's inside. The people with wealth & power believe this--that is what is so disturbing.
15
I wonder if those agitated about others' choices would like to put their credit-card statements and checkbook registers out for all to discuss and critique their discretionary spending... I'm sure we could all be doing better.
I think spa treatments for kids are silly but also that the umbrage and indignation they have sparked here in the comments is a little scary. Why is getting a massage or facial any worse than, say, treating a kid to an amusement park trip, or a fine meal, or a trip to the baseball stadium? All are pleasurable activities -- is the notion that, unlike the other pastimes, the spa treatments involve the touch of others on our bodies & sensual pleasure somehow a problem for people?
Look, I think kids are overindulged in general and if it were up to me, a lot of things would be cut out (team sports, mass-market & branded merchandise, etc.) in favor of foreign-language lessons and other enrichment activities. But if one is going to indulge a kid, I see no worse evil in a pedicure than I do in taking a toddler to Disney or a 7-year-old to Manhattan for lunch at the doll-selling store. Or even the crazy birthday parties that people gin up or taking a kid for prime rib to Outback. All a little premature for the age range in my opinion.
Those calling spa sessions "sick" or "narcissistic" or preening themselves because they do all their own grooming or very minimal grooming might want to ask themselves why they are so uncomfortable with bodily pampering.
I think spa treatments for kids are silly but also that the umbrage and indignation they have sparked here in the comments is a little scary. Why is getting a massage or facial any worse than, say, treating a kid to an amusement park trip, or a fine meal, or a trip to the baseball stadium? All are pleasurable activities -- is the notion that, unlike the other pastimes, the spa treatments involve the touch of others on our bodies & sensual pleasure somehow a problem for people?
Look, I think kids are overindulged in general and if it were up to me, a lot of things would be cut out (team sports, mass-market & branded merchandise, etc.) in favor of foreign-language lessons and other enrichment activities. But if one is going to indulge a kid, I see no worse evil in a pedicure than I do in taking a toddler to Disney or a 7-year-old to Manhattan for lunch at the doll-selling store. Or even the crazy birthday parties that people gin up or taking a kid for prime rib to Outback. All a little premature for the age range in my opinion.
Those calling spa sessions "sick" or "narcissistic" or preening themselves because they do all their own grooming or very minimal grooming might want to ask themselves why they are so uncomfortable with bodily pampering.
21
How do you top this for the next birthday? Fly these princesses to Paris for couture fashion week? Sadly one Mom's fear of saying "no" being equated with "I don't love you". It's not the expense, it is the message.
7
Disturbing, on several levels. First of all, the young girls do not need an identity focused on looks; it isn't good for them and it almost guarantees superficial relationships later on (really, if your identity comes from your fingernail color...) not to mention potential bullying (think mean girls) of those not pampered. Secondly, these mothers are pathetic in their need to live life through their daughters. What are them pimping...oh, I mean primping...them up for? Lastly, stop stealing childhood away from kids. It's a much needed developmental stage and I think the world with a bunch of grown ups who were never kids will be a horror story.
8
This whole preparing the "princess" thing is odious. Manicures for 3 year old girls is not honoring the feminine, it is conditioning girls to have a self esteem associated primarily to how they look. Dangerous. I remember as a young girl loving to be outside and feeling free. Riding a horse with my dog running alongside. I was called a "tom girl" as if valuing freedom and the outdoors is the domain of men. Why can't we just let girls be?
14
Yes, you'll be unfailingly reminded (usually with a putdown or insult) when you go outside the acceptable limits of femininity.
I suppose it is the same for men and masculinity.
I suppose it is the same for men and masculinity.
Such a wonderful reflection on the vapid parenting seen so often today.
7
It feels like the end times for our society when there are 3 year olds in diapers going to spas. We have capitalism to thank for this.
9
3 year olds should be potty trained. Parents should spend time on that and not this ridiculous and vapid perversion of childhood.
5
Yes, by all means, get them early. Start those good habits, like distorted body image issues, skin problems from so much goop, and make-up to hide their natural beauty. Paint their nails and ruin their nail beds - better yet, put on acrylics!
At no time must young girls be allowed to just "be."
At no time must young girls be allowed to just "be."
10
Did the New York Times intend to be ironic?
Were you trying to draw attention to our American "Tale of Two Cities," to cite the late Mario Cuomo's moving metaphor? Or did you publish this in earnest?
Can anyone read this without immediately thinking of the legions of American children for whom such luxuries are unimaginable—and whose families struggle just for food and shelter?
The children featured in this story are wholly innocent of any adult decisions, collective or individual. How these children play is an entirely private and pure matter, and nothing that I write is directed at them.
But we as a society must face the reality that a news article like this highlights:
• At least 20% or our children—over 15 million—live in poverty.
• 1.2 million American children are homeless.
• The social and economic fabric supporting family advancement—e.g., a living wage or decent public schooling—is torn and replaced for many by a school-to-prison pipeline.
In such a nation, it is impossible to read an article like this and not shudder at the inequality and injustice around us, which hits needy children hardest.
Put differently, this article to my thinking is just totally bizarre and jarring.
Maybe it's just me, but I could not read even one word of it without thinking of what it says about the tens of millions of American children forced to do without, and for whom the only "treatment" is humiliation, for themselves and their struggling, hard-working families.
@ricfouad
Were you trying to draw attention to our American "Tale of Two Cities," to cite the late Mario Cuomo's moving metaphor? Or did you publish this in earnest?
Can anyone read this without immediately thinking of the legions of American children for whom such luxuries are unimaginable—and whose families struggle just for food and shelter?
The children featured in this story are wholly innocent of any adult decisions, collective or individual. How these children play is an entirely private and pure matter, and nothing that I write is directed at them.
But we as a society must face the reality that a news article like this highlights:
• At least 20% or our children—over 15 million—live in poverty.
• 1.2 million American children are homeless.
• The social and economic fabric supporting family advancement—e.g., a living wage or decent public schooling—is torn and replaced for many by a school-to-prison pipeline.
In such a nation, it is impossible to read an article like this and not shudder at the inequality and injustice around us, which hits needy children hardest.
Put differently, this article to my thinking is just totally bizarre and jarring.
Maybe it's just me, but I could not read even one word of it without thinking of what it says about the tens of millions of American children forced to do without, and for whom the only "treatment" is humiliation, for themselves and their struggling, hard-working families.
@ricfouad
20
Clearly, such parents are in need of treatment, but not at a spa.
19
What I find depressing about this article and the comments is that there aren't thousands of NYT readers deploring this sybaritic practice. See luxurious, extravagant, lavish, self-indulgent, pleasure-seeking, sensual, voluptuous, hedonistic, epicurean, lotus-eating, libertine, debauched, decadent. It's bad enough for adults, but for children? How pathetic and disgusting.
7
When visiting Disney a few years ago we saw many little girls with shellac'd hair and cheap 'gowns' emerging from the "Bippity Boppity Boutique". As a lark we looked at the pricing and were horrified - $400 for the package. Turning lovely little girls into a made up, oddly coiffed, cheaply dressed 'princess'. What made it even more tragic was that the families who looked least able to afford it, were the ones lined up for the 'full princess' service. We cringed. Money wasted, better spent on nearly anything else...now it seems the BBB is spreading. Poor kids, misguided parents.
7
I am not a parent, never have been so I'll temper my remarks... This is offensive beyond words. Ludicrous and revealing. Why aren't girls interested in science or math? Because they're too busy being turned into airhead sex objects by parents who think it's cool to have a 7 year old be 17. This is not a fun day out for kids, it's a lesson in what NOT to be. You know what, government child services should intervene and put these children in a shelter. Their parents should be arrested. I'm sure teaching these Jonbonet Ramsey wannabees must be a pleasure. Homework? Who has time, I've got a spa date!
15
I'd love to read the intemperate version.
2
When the aged Hollywood actor was president, no one seemed too concerned that his hair color and facial makeup were worthy of the best Hollywood talents of Max Factor, or even that Bush the Younger had to wear a wig to keep himself looking, well, the Younger. Why go into a tizzy if children play makeup now and then?
3
The kids are NOT "playing make up." A lot of money is being spent by parents in a form of indoctrination about what's appropriate for females.
11
While asian parents prepare their kids for best college admissions, american moms train their kids for reality shows.
18
Take the girls to a science museum or a children's theater production - something for their mind. This sends absolutely the wrong message to the girls!
10
Oh, so if I said "no", my children would have felt less loved? And mind you, that was probably about eating cookies before dinner which I often prepared while my son, then 4 or 5 sat on the counter talking to me. I began to see this trend 20 years ago when I lived in Westchester County, NY and the child-centered world in which the lines were rapidly blurring between being a parent and your child's new best friend. So much to look forward to in life. . . after 10 years of age, don't you think? Imagine the serious critical thinking/decision-making skills this generation will develop (oh, thanks to dedicated teachers!). Makes one appreciate all the more the fact that there will still be kids becoming adults in 10-15 years who will have had to come up the old-fashioned way -- working and perhaps, struggling up. Is this where we should ruefully see the income divide as a gift horse?
5
This is so absurd. 50 million people on food stamps, and this is how parents think their children should be brought up. What a waste. Do children not hike or play in the sand anymore. I wonder if they have a maid to clean up their room. So sad.
11
Some people have more money than brains.
9
These photos show humans trapped in a cycle of fatuousness and sad need. They don't even know their patheticness is being exploited and even encouraged by businesses. And just think -- plenty of naturally beautiful, healthy young girls who never do a thing to their looks, who develop interests well beyond their appearance, go to college, live exciting young lives with lots of healthy friendships--they'll still beat you out of modeling offers.
4
Here's what my 4 granddaughters in two families are doing, age range 23-8
The oldest is working her heart out with jobs taking care of young people with autism. The next two in age are in community college and high school. The youngest is 8 and takes long walks with her father on weekends.
The mothers are both nurses.
Who has time or money for a spa? How about reading a book?
I'm a 72 yo feminist. I'm appalled. My guess is that these girls aren't learning about people in Colorado who aren't as over-privileged as they are. Has anyone in their families read any of the novels by Kent Haruf set in the fictional but real place in eastern Colorado that he calls Holt? No one in "Holt" goes to the spa.
The oldest is working her heart out with jobs taking care of young people with autism. The next two in age are in community college and high school. The youngest is 8 and takes long walks with her father on weekends.
The mothers are both nurses.
Who has time or money for a spa? How about reading a book?
I'm a 72 yo feminist. I'm appalled. My guess is that these girls aren't learning about people in Colorado who aren't as over-privileged as they are. Has anyone in their families read any of the novels by Kent Haruf set in the fictional but real place in eastern Colorado that he calls Holt? No one in "Holt" goes to the spa.
10
Actually, given that this spa is in Aurora, they probably are not very privileged themselves. Not one of these kids looks like they come from families with money. This looks much more like a place where the Honey Boo Boo fans would go than a high end spa. That doesn't make it any better or smarter than going to an expensive spa but it looks like to me like the concept is trickling way down.
And by the way, you really should consider getting out and about and seeing what flyover country really looks like instead of sitting in Cambridge and reading novels about the plains. Aurora is a suburb of a major city which has a large minority population, a lot of poverty and violence as well as a few wealthier sections and vast areas of bland suburban housing that was hit very hard during the housing crisis.
And by the way, you really should consider getting out and about and seeing what flyover country really looks like instead of sitting in Cambridge and reading novels about the plains. Aurora is a suburb of a major city which has a large minority population, a lot of poverty and violence as well as a few wealthier sections and vast areas of bland suburban housing that was hit very hard during the housing crisis.
3
To paraphrase Einstein, the only thing truly infinite is human stupidity. Another confirmation in this article.
10
Just curious: Where are we taking our boys? Are we denying them love by saying no to facials?
13
We're taking them out into the woods, fields and sending them to trade schools to learn skills so their wives and daughters can afford this stuff.
2
@greg Or they could marry women who were also taken out in the woods and fields and went to trade school.
hint: if you find yourself about to spend $800 on a spa treatment for your 6 year old stop! Take that money and feed the homeless, oh the ridiculous indulgence--the picture at the top of the article says it all--do you think that kid has a prayer of turning out well adjusted? I think not.
9
I feel so sorry for these little girls. The parents should start saving their spa money for psychotherapy because these girls are going to need it when they are older.
People like this keep therapists in business. But when the entitlement attitude and appearance obsession starts as young as age 4, it often becomes part of their identity and personality and it is too difficult to change at a later age.
These girls develop lives without an internal sense of self. They develop what's called a "looking glass self", nothing on the inside, empty and desperate to fill the void but it can never be filled. The only way they know to feel something is to buy more new pretty stuff. They are eternally disappointed because the pretty feeling in the mirror only lasts a minute or two and nothing else feels as good as that fantasy minute.
When I have one of these patients it is the saddest hour of my week. Their obsession is me, me, me and how to make the emptiness go away. Sooner or later they decide that having a child is the way to fix the emptiness. I discourage women like this from having children. But they think that with a girl child, they won't feel alone anymore. They try to create a "mini-me" to have a human mirror in hopes of feeling something real but it just starts the cycle all over again with the child....
People like this keep therapists in business. But when the entitlement attitude and appearance obsession starts as young as age 4, it often becomes part of their identity and personality and it is too difficult to change at a later age.
These girls develop lives without an internal sense of self. They develop what's called a "looking glass self", nothing on the inside, empty and desperate to fill the void but it can never be filled. The only way they know to feel something is to buy more new pretty stuff. They are eternally disappointed because the pretty feeling in the mirror only lasts a minute or two and nothing else feels as good as that fantasy minute.
When I have one of these patients it is the saddest hour of my week. Their obsession is me, me, me and how to make the emptiness go away. Sooner or later they decide that having a child is the way to fix the emptiness. I discourage women like this from having children. But they think that with a girl child, they won't feel alone anymore. They try to create a "mini-me" to have a human mirror in hopes of feeling something real but it just starts the cycle all over again with the child....
28
The spa association’s president, Lynne McNees, said it was good for girls to learn that beauty treatments can reduce stress and promote health. “It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them early, and get those really good habits.”
Yeah. Like smoking and cocaine.
Yeah. Like smoking and cocaine.
But isn't this self-entitled attitude exactly what the spas want? I mean, then they'll have little advertisements nice and close to the parents.
Sweet and Sassy's tag line, “We’re going to treat you like a Kardashian," says it all. We have so devolved as a society it's beggars belief. Yesterday's article on the poor youth of China studying and expanding their knowledge of math, science and literature is in direct opposition to this article, of youth being raised to focus on the entirely wrong things: self-indulgence, looks, clothing and subtle sexualization of girls. Gag. These parents are incredibly misguided, and, sadly, their girls will pay dearly for it.
38
"I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said." one mother explains.
This is laziness, not love. Saying no takes courage, and the ability to explain that because you love your child, you want her to explore the many ways to enjoy being a child.
This is laziness, not love. Saying no takes courage, and the ability to explain that because you love your child, you want her to explore the many ways to enjoy being a child.
25
Not so much laziness as insecurity. And of course, these weirdly named spas are at a perfect position to exploit this insecurity.
'...“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said...'
Here is a cold hard fact that some parents do not seem to understand: Not saying ‘no’ at times means that you don’t love them.
Here is a cold hard fact that some parents do not seem to understand: Not saying ‘no’ at times means that you don’t love them.
23
I am the owner of a day spa in midtown Manhattan which does not offer treatments to children under the age of twelve. For teenagers under sixteen, we only provide procedures to modify skin problems and excess body hair. We applaud previous comments deploring the rush to adulthood.
41
What a great idea. I was unaware of this trend. Tens of millions of parents, if not more, have purchased McD's Happy Meals for their kids. This is just another step up or two up from that. It's certainly proof that the economy is not as dead as the pessimists have been claiming all throughout the recovery. As usual, jobs spring up where and when least expected.
2
It is obvious that this practice is offensive. But the challenge is to understand. You can criticize with your brain turned off. But you have to reflect to understand what motivates the mothers. And the mothers give us the answer -- once in awhile, they want to share with their daughters the self-indulgence of a spa. If they are otherwise top-notch parents, I have zero problem with an occasional spoiling that is easy to criticize but is an act of mother-daughter bonding.
2
We really need to test people who want to be parents. This mother is totally unqualified. Unfortunately she's far from being alone.
11
The one that stands out to me is the mother who equates saying no with not loving them. Our kids need to hear no and learn how to deal with it! They crave structure and limits. Otherwise, the inmates run the asylum.
17
What's next...girls' night out in Vegas? What happened to letting kids be kids doing kid things? Bad enough that we feed our children meats from animals who were fed growth hormones that cause early puberty. And that we dress girls like little hookers and boys like hip-hop rockers. But this is absolutely nauseating from both a cultural perspective and what we are teaching them. If the parents have that kind of money to squander, perhaps they could donate to a needy charity and teach their kids some value lessons instead of self absorption.
8
This is a repulsive display of misplaced priorities. Think what good the money spent on this self-centered idiocy would do, if used to alleviate the suffering of even one child on this planet.
8
I've read all of the comments. Congratulations on finding the word I was seeking- "repulsive".
2
I agree that this is the worst idea ever. However, I will say this, when my children were teenagers and had acne, I sent them in for facials and it cured the problem more cheaply and safely than creams and drugs.
To the mother who didn't say no to her children because she didn't want them to feel unloved, sometimes the best (and kindest) thing is to say no. It teaches them patience rather than expecting instant gratification.
12
One more example of what goes wrong when too few people have too many of the resources. The cost of this treatment would be better spent by hardworking underpaid workers. Children should know about using sunblock and brushing and flossing, but does a second grader need to learn about conspicuous consumption. I don't think so. I only hope the spa workers are paid a decent wage and that management keeps their mitts off the tips.
8
This seems like an absolutely harmless bit of pleasure for some young girls. We can all hope they are given a solid foundation (no pun intended) that allows them to put this experience in perspective, but otherwise, this seems like a time-honored ritual of knowledge passing from mothers to daughters. The daughters are free to accept or reject it. Likely some think it's a bore.
Beauty and pleasure should be part of everyone's lives. If a father took his teenage son to a fancy place for his first shave, would there be all this complaining? Give me a break. And give women a break.
Beauty and pleasure should be part of everyone's lives. If a father took his teenage son to a fancy place for his first shave, would there be all this complaining? Give me a break. And give women a break.
4
My parents exposed me to plenty of beauty and pleasure when I was young: they took me to art museums. My life has been enriched for decades because of the joy I get from art.
Mom's upscale show-off money could have been better spent on some etiquette lessons and elocution lessons which would be much more likely to get her daughter farther in life than a facial and a manicure.
6
Along with McMansions, Teutonic tanks, haute couture and multi-million dollar Campbell Soup cans, proof positive that some people have far too much money.
12
What can you say? When adults have poor values, they pass them on. Perhaps their motto will become (on noticing those poorer than themselves are less well-groomed), "Let them visit the spa!"
12
Only the ones that serve cake.
2
Funny, so much has been said about how few US women enter the sciences; wonder why? An article yesterday told of Chinese students spending long days preparing for college entrance exams. Let's face it: history has proven that no country leads the world forever.
15
Just another case of indulgent parents encouraging a practice which will contribute nothing towards the solid upbringing of a child. There is nothing worse than a nail salon filled with mothers and their kids running around with new nail polish that will ruin in minutes. Definitely avoid salons on Saturdays.
What will this teach them other than to be even more entitled than they already are?
What will this teach them other than to be even more entitled than they already are?
6
This is a great snapshot of how narcissism and appearance have become paramount obsessions in our society. The parents who are indulging in this are teaching their daughters that their physical appearance is all-important, and that they need to be fussed over and pampered in order to feel good about themselves. Of course the spa industry wants to get young girls into the "good habit" of doing this, because it's a great source of revenue from the parents who are afraid of saying no to their kids. Better for kids to have a birthday party at a gym or in the backyard.
15
Spas are more about pampering and enjoying treatments to one's body than they are about "standards of beauty" and "teaching them to rely on their looks."
My only qualm about the kiddie angle is -- what does this leave them to look forward to? The increasing propensity of parents to extend costly and/or traditionally adult experiences to their young kids rather negates many milestones of maturity. Wearing makeup, dining in a white-tablecloth establishment, overseas travel, resort vacations, smartphones, etc. -- kind of sad if one is satiated by age 10 with such experiences. The 7-year-old of an acquaintance was hear to sigh languidly "I'm so booored with Disney" on Day One of a six-day stint.
We probably had as much fun delving into a box of discarded make-up and my mom's old strapless prom dresses. With neighbor children we played "Miami Beach" in the backyard by lounging under open umbrellas on bathtowels and making the younger kids serve us snacks and beverages "poolside." We had tea parties in a nearby field with cups and saucers made out of leaves, acorns and the like at an age where kids now are taken to "American Girl" merchandise luncheons or Disney princess meals.
I"m all for enjoying the interesting experiences of our universe but I bet our imaginations, resourcefulness and gratitude were more stimulated by working up to adult pleasures than by being handed the best-of-the-best in second grade.
My only qualm about the kiddie angle is -- what does this leave them to look forward to? The increasing propensity of parents to extend costly and/or traditionally adult experiences to their young kids rather negates many milestones of maturity. Wearing makeup, dining in a white-tablecloth establishment, overseas travel, resort vacations, smartphones, etc. -- kind of sad if one is satiated by age 10 with such experiences. The 7-year-old of an acquaintance was hear to sigh languidly "I'm so booored with Disney" on Day One of a six-day stint.
We probably had as much fun delving into a box of discarded make-up and my mom's old strapless prom dresses. With neighbor children we played "Miami Beach" in the backyard by lounging under open umbrellas on bathtowels and making the younger kids serve us snacks and beverages "poolside." We had tea parties in a nearby field with cups and saucers made out of leaves, acorns and the like at an age where kids now are taken to "American Girl" merchandise luncheons or Disney princess meals.
I"m all for enjoying the interesting experiences of our universe but I bet our imaginations, resourcefulness and gratitude were more stimulated by working up to adult pleasures than by being handed the best-of-the-best in second grade.
10
These are the same clueless parents who do not have time to read to their children, go on nature hikes, teach them to swim and take them to the library. Same,unfortunate, mentality that pervades the children princess pageants.
These parents and their children would be way ahead of the game if they spent the money on instruction on how to be an effective parent. It's clearly time for some expert guidance.
These parents and their children would be way ahead of the game if they spent the money on instruction on how to be an effective parent. It's clearly time for some expert guidance.
11
I have a lovely photo of my younger sister, taken about 12 years ago with her toddler, in the garden with dirt on their hands inspecting the always fascinating "rolly polly". I took the close up photo, wanting to record the intent look upon my nieces face as she was captivated by the tiny bug that curled into a tight ball at my sister's slight touch. The photo also shows my sister's gaze as she takes in her daughter's reaction. My nieces had many such experiences with their mother, who I don't think, hot 49 year old that she is, has never been in a spa. The parents in this article are complete morons and I feel sorry for their children. I would love her hear Gloria Steinems reaction to this unfortunate trend.
10
Having seen ads for manicures and pedicures at a lesser price of little girls in a hair salon, now this.
I think reeducation camps for parents who think it is a great idea to give their 'princesses' a birth day present at a spa would be more appropriate business venture.
I think reeducation camps for parents who think it is a great idea to give their 'princesses' a birth day present at a spa would be more appropriate business venture.
4
Women can't win, can they? We have to ask: would men ever be criticized if they brought their sons to the barber shop and those businesses catered to young boys? No. Women, especially working women, have a hard enough time balancing work and family. I'd bet that a lot of these mothers are simply trying to carve out time for themselves and it is convenient for them to bring their daughters with them to the spa (i.e., instead of seeking a nanny/babysitter). I'm a childless lawyer and I can tell you that I can count the number of times I've had time for myself. But this article inspired me so that when I have children, I will include them in my "time out" while simultaneously teaching them that upkeep and relaxation is important.
1
Your point would be clearer if you defined "upkeep".
Aside from the regrettable quote equating love and avoidance of the word no, there is another pitiable philosophy pervading this article. Why on Earth are we NOT questioning the need for a 3 or 7 year old to relax?
We are in a media and electronics-happy world where children are rarely allowed to sit daydreaming or to run around in either silence or surrounded only by the happy squeals of carefree playmates. We fill a 7-year old's days with federal testing, take away recess, and enroll children in travel sports teams.
When we forget that the main job of childhood is to play and that children learn best through play, 7 year olds and their parents start to think that sitting with one's feet in a tub is the best way to relax. As a parent, educator, pediatrician and former child, I heave a great sigh for our society.
We are in a media and electronics-happy world where children are rarely allowed to sit daydreaming or to run around in either silence or surrounded only by the happy squeals of carefree playmates. We fill a 7-year old's days with federal testing, take away recess, and enroll children in travel sports teams.
When we forget that the main job of childhood is to play and that children learn best through play, 7 year olds and their parents start to think that sitting with one's feet in a tub is the best way to relax. As a parent, educator, pediatrician and former child, I heave a great sigh for our society.
4
Mostly or partially absentee parents continually find new ways to lavish money on their children to assuage guilt over the time not spent with them. The capitalistic system is perfectly suited to respond to such a strategy...[here, insert the professionals' consensus advice on spending time not money.]
2
Colorado requires children ride in a child restraint (or booster) up to age 8, and recommends a booster until a child is 4' 9'' in height. Commercial limousines perhaps are exempt, but caring parents would still want their children to ride in a child restraint as long as it is appropriate and recommended by all safety authorities. I suspect booster seats would not fit with the "adult" image these places market. (The photos even appear to show unrestrained children hanging out of a car window in traffic! What fun!)
1
These are probably the same parents who think they have to take their little darlings everywhere--concerts, bars and movie theaters. If the kids get restless and cry or fuss, well too bad. We should just be more tolerant and stop "hating" mothers and their children. The same arrogant behavior is what drives these parents to take their children to a spa. I see no value in a 3 year old going to a salon to get a mani-pedi, but I do see the value of a child that age being potty trained. Perhaps the parents of this child should spend more energy on this basic aspect of their daughter's upbringing rahter than on her artificial beauty. I'm not being intolerant of all parents when I say all parents when I say then, but rather the selfish "entitled" ones who are raising an entire generation to be even worse.
15
I am horrified by these indulgences. Raising children to think about appearances to such an extreme degree is asking for trouble for humanity. We need to be exposing children to concern for others not fixation on looks.
11
These parents are trying to make their decisions sound like they are reasonable. They need to recognize that they have every right to waste their own money without apologizing for it. Many of us have the equal right to laugh at them for doing so. Others of us have the right to disagree with their value judgments.
9
I object to the comparison of taking a young child to the spa with taking a three-year-old to the dentist. Good dental care from an early age is an important component of lifelong good health. It is not cosmetic fol-de-rol.
The point of taking very young children to the dentist is to help make them more comfortable with the dentist later.
Responsible parents have an obligation to help their children learn the difference between what is important and fundamental and what is superficial and expendable. That should include teaching them to resist commercial hype.
The point of taking very young children to the dentist is to help make them more comfortable with the dentist later.
Responsible parents have an obligation to help their children learn the difference between what is important and fundamental and what is superficial and expendable. That should include teaching them to resist commercial hype.
15
People indict themselves with their own words. How much stress do children need to relax from? Tough day on the swings? They need to learn to deal with it. How did they earn something special at the spa? Coloring within the lines, or picking up toys? These are something they should do every day. We all want to spoil our children? No, I consider the times I over indulged my children a mistake, and I chastised them when they acted like spoiled brats.
21
I agree. When your premise is wrong to begin with every sentence that follows is an inditement.
1
I'll bet there's a direct correlation between parents and kids who partake in such activities and their shared level of intelligence. But it's not just spa treatments: It's the parents who take their kids to shooting ranges, school athletic events, and indulge them with video games, smart phones, along with a bevy of other activities and gadgets that consume valuable time that could be spent reading and studying. Many of these parents are probably simply reliving unfulfilled aspects of their own childhood, because they've determined for themselves that the dessert is better than the entree. There will never be more than 24 hours in a day; how we chose to have our children use that time will determine their future success and contribution to our society.
2
I got my first massage on the day I complete the bar exam. My first nice restaurant experience was the day I finished final exams in my senior year of college. The memories are so vivid and cherished because I earned it. These kids will never have that. There are some things that money can't buy.
42
Could not agree more! It disturbs me to see 8-year-olds with their hair in those gorgeous, wedding-level updos, as they will have little to cherish as adults. I've had my hair done twice in my life -- my wedding and another black-tie event -- and I'm 43. As for kiddie nail work, this is not a 1% phenomenon... I know many educated women who think it's cute to take their preschoolers for mani-pedis, either mother-daughter or birthday. What do the girls learn from this? First, that their hands look unfinished without polish -- an awful lesson to teach the next generation, and one that will be hard to unlearn. Second, that nail polish is not something you can apply yourself in 20 minutes (you *can* still buy it in the pharmacy) but something you have to pay $40 to have a professional apply. Third, that you were born to a social class that hires professionals to do this sort of chore (witness the photo of grown women working on little girls' feet while they "relax" with bogus facials). It's depressing on so many levels, and it's completely normalized now.
2
What about the practice of holding 'graduations' from preschool, complete with tiny caps and gowns? I remember my college graduation as special - I wept when I picked up the mortarboard. It would not have been special if I'd marched in a cap and gown to commemorate my having learned to stack blocks.
4
I am a mother who loves the outdoors and we got a rustic place in the forest rather than buy a home so our kids could experience real wilderness. But the peer influence is so, so strong. Not to mention relatives who will gift your kids this garbage because "this is what girls really want nowadays". My two daughters are obsessed with the stuff mentioned here. Every stupid birthday party now involves some sort of spa thing. My teen daughter sits pouting in our cabin, complaining about no internet access. I can still drag my younger one outside. At least we tried to buck this hideous trend.
25
The superficial, consumerist messages promoted to girls, and women for that matter, are unfortunate and a sad reflection of our society. Good for you for trying to counter the sea of pink princessness! My guess is your girls will get your point later in life...
2
The superficial, consumerist messages promoted to girls, and women for that matter, are unfortunate and a sad reflection of our society. Good for you for trying to counter the sea of pink princessness! My guess is your girls will get your point later in life...
I understand all the negative sentiment about this. But as someone who relishes a spa day, where a good massage camping make me feel totally renewed, I don't think it's wrong to teach children to integrate this kind of self-pampering into their lives.
My daughter, who is under 10, adores massages (which we started giving her ourselves when she was a baby). Not only does she ask for them, she offers them, which is a truly loving, sharing gesture for a child to give.
I hope that when she's an adult and feeling the effects of stress, she'll now know that massage can be a regular part of her routine.
As to mani/pedis, my husband treated us to a mother/daughter one at a spa when she was five and she absolutely adored it. Me, I prefer to do them at home myself--hers and mine.
BTW, we also hike, play video games, play in parks, go to museums, play with friends, watch movies, do art, travel, etc. I see no reason an occasional spa day treat will harm a girl's self-esteem if given in balance with other life events.
My daughter, who is under 10, adores massages (which we started giving her ourselves when she was a baby). Not only does she ask for them, she offers them, which is a truly loving, sharing gesture for a child to give.
I hope that when she's an adult and feeling the effects of stress, she'll now know that massage can be a regular part of her routine.
As to mani/pedis, my husband treated us to a mother/daughter one at a spa when she was five and she absolutely adored it. Me, I prefer to do them at home myself--hers and mine.
BTW, we also hike, play video games, play in parks, go to museums, play with friends, watch movies, do art, travel, etc. I see no reason an occasional spa day treat will harm a girl's self-esteem if given in balance with other life events.
38
Balance is good. I see way too many err on one side - this self-pampering, beauty expectation side. Sounds like you have it under control but many do not.
3
Understandable with your view...however, the kinds of parents and child-indulged spa packages, the lavishness and the doting...is over the top compared to your "balanced" approach...that's WHY its in the media...it would be boring (but "balanced") if aligned with your type of overall regimen.
2
The mother says her daughter might think she doesn't love them if she says no. Isn't it a parent's job to often say no? To set limits? To make them safe? To let them realize that life isn't about getting every single thing you ever wanted?
20
That quote disturbed me more than anything else in this article. The two most important lessons I ever learned from my parents was "life is not fair" and "you cannot have everything." Wise words. I heard no a lot (and yes as well). I'm a better person for that.
3
Disturbing, yes, but not surprising given our current cultural, educational and socioeconomic trending discrepancies that have given rise to probably the greatest gap between the have's and the have-nots not seen since the gilded age days preceding the great depression . Cotton candy and magenta pink is in and self-flattery, no matter how gaudy or how ostentatious the image, is paraded in front the masses, and eaten up by the lowest common denominator materialist consumer who is alternately driven by deep personal insecurity and a seriously flawed sense of self-respect.
What I find so disturbing is the tacit approval of the men, the husbands of these mothers, the fathers of these young girls who seem to care not one whit about the cost in psychological damage this does to young girls growing up in an increasingly dangerous world. America has become- it's own worst enemy.
What I find so disturbing is the tacit approval of the men, the husbands of these mothers, the fathers of these young girls who seem to care not one whit about the cost in psychological damage this does to young girls growing up in an increasingly dangerous world. America has become- it's own worst enemy.
14
Aurora CO, just a few miles from Boulder CO, where Jon Benet Ramsey was found. Enough said.
28
Every parent should review the sex offender registry for their area.
2
I've not a clue as to what this comment means, so, no, not enough said.
"Enough said?" Enough said about what? That there's some connection to that terrible tragedy and this bit of weirdness? Because Aurora and Boulder are near each other? Actually about 30 miles, not "just a few."
What a specious connection.
What a specious connection.
1
There's an old saying, "More money than sense."
It would seem to be applicable to many of the parents described here.
It would seem to be applicable to many of the parents described here.
31
This is just silly....and it is everywhere. But what is 'silly' today, becomes standard tomorrow. Too much money and too little sense of the priorities in life? However, honoring the feminine is real, I do believe that. And I have heard women say that the spa experience is really relaxing. I relax all by myself, for less money. But to each her own, for sure. And the creates a new industry niche for the 'spa/beauty' business, and that adds to our recovering economy, so I say 'go for the gusto' in however you choose, and keep people working. That directly feeds my bottom line through the DJIA!
3
I am very feminine and I have never been to the spa! If you want to honor the feminine teach young girls that they are responsible for their own bodies, their own health and well being, and I might add, not insignificantly, teach them they are responsible for their own orgasms.
4
Since when are costly spa treatments and large beauty product expenditures a rite of "honoring the feminine"? As if it were some kind of solemn religious act worshipping the mother goddess?
An awful lot of women seem to have bought into this new notion, or been well trained from early youth like the little girls in this story.
(At my age I can confirm that, yes, it is a new notion.)
An awful lot of women seem to have bought into this new notion, or been well trained from early youth like the little girls in this story.
(At my age I can confirm that, yes, it is a new notion.)
I am a pediatric psychiatrist. I can sum this up in two words: Job Security.
95
"Don't we all want to spoil our shildren?"
Uh, No, we all don't.
This is just revolting.
Uh, No, we all don't.
This is just revolting.
74
Actually, it is a demonstration that having lots of money does not prove one is smart, or more "worthy." Some people have more money than common sense, and they demonstrate that by how they spend what they have, such as a manicure for a kid who is not yet potty-trained.
3
The grown-ups are taking everything away. Kids and their friends can't jump on their bikes and go off by themselves for hours. So it's hard to be adventurous and inquisitive. And those helmets, how can you feel free and independent in a helmet?
And now, make-up. Think of the fun and creativity that was part of dressing up and putting on mom's make-up and strutting yourself around the house playing gown-up.
I don't know. Maybe these kids won't grow up to feel fearful and entitled at the same time. But grown-ups other than moms or aunties who are in on the game, should not be giving mani-pedis to children.
Sure. Sometimes we fell off the bike. Sometimes we broke limbs. Sometimes we poked a mascara brush in our eye. And sometimes I look back and thing of the few close calls and say a prayer of gratitude that the call went in my favor.
I hate to sound and feel like a curmudgeon. But I wonder what it's going to be like to be a grown-up whose primary life lesson has been that life is dangerous, requiring constant vigilance.
Watch out Clara Barton, you may get blood on your apron! You are not being a proper girl. Look at that hair! Those nails! Those frown lines! What are you thinking?
Ugh. Makes me want to burn my bra and march on Washington.
And now, make-up. Think of the fun and creativity that was part of dressing up and putting on mom's make-up and strutting yourself around the house playing gown-up.
I don't know. Maybe these kids won't grow up to feel fearful and entitled at the same time. But grown-ups other than moms or aunties who are in on the game, should not be giving mani-pedis to children.
Sure. Sometimes we fell off the bike. Sometimes we broke limbs. Sometimes we poked a mascara brush in our eye. And sometimes I look back and thing of the few close calls and say a prayer of gratitude that the call went in my favor.
I hate to sound and feel like a curmudgeon. But I wonder what it's going to be like to be a grown-up whose primary life lesson has been that life is dangerous, requiring constant vigilance.
Watch out Clara Barton, you may get blood on your apron! You are not being a proper girl. Look at that hair! Those nails! Those frown lines! What are you thinking?
Ugh. Makes me want to burn my bra and march on Washington.
35
Great post. I couldn't wait to wear makeup when I was a kid and I love makeup and skin care now but long before I was allowed to wear makeup, I was a kid who played outside in the dirt and had adventures. I'm so grateful to my parents for the kind of childhood they gave me.
1
You nailed it. I spent my youth outside on a bicycle. We had no adult supervision from an early age and learned to be independent. And when I was not out playing? I had chores to do: mowing the lawn, digging holes from Mom's garden, helping dad fix the car.
The thing I cannot figure out is that these parents are my generation and just below. Have they forgotten everything?
The thing I cannot figure out is that these parents are my generation and just below. Have they forgotten everything?
3
Well that seems to be the new American way, loving them means always saying yes, ... and teaching them from an early age that they are inadequate as they were created.
36
Ah...parents! I submit that for most kids, a game of Hide and Seek with the other kids on the block can provide much greater pleasure, a social world (actual neighborhood), active versus passive existence, and the necessary creativity of play.
21
Want to reduce your daughter's stress? Try teaching her not to obsess about her looks.
152
Most Entertaining Paragraph Award goes to...
The spa association’s president, Lynne McNees, said it was good for girls to learn that beauty treatments can reduce stress and promote health. “It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them early, and get those really good habits.”
The spa association’s president, Lynne McNees, said it was good for girls to learn that beauty treatments can reduce stress and promote health. “It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them early, and get those really good habits.”
24
As obnoxious as the photo of girls being carted around in a pink limo may be, what's scariest to me is Ms. Ehresman's comment: “I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them."
Ms. Ehresman, please say "no" to your children, and don't feel badly about it. Being afraid of saying "no" sets your girls up for a difficult road ahead -- the world will not be shy about dishing out disappointments. You will be looking at young teens that are impossible to discipline and will bring you no joy. You will unleash unto the world a pair of spoiled, entitled beings. Surely you want the best for your children, so please, say "no" -- they'll love you for it.
Ms. Ehresman, please say "no" to your children, and don't feel badly about it. Being afraid of saying "no" sets your girls up for a difficult road ahead -- the world will not be shy about dishing out disappointments. You will be looking at young teens that are impossible to discipline and will bring you no joy. You will unleash unto the world a pair of spoiled, entitled beings. Surely you want the best for your children, so please, say "no" -- they'll love you for it.
60
It's not just about unleashing spoiled, entitled beings. Kids who get everything they want in life end up unhappy in life.
If you want your kids to be happy, find ways to tell them no some of the time. It's important.
If you want your kids to be happy, find ways to tell them no some of the time. It's important.
1
"The spa association’s president, Lynne McNees, said it was good for girls to learn that beauty treatments can reduce stress and promote health."
"“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said."
Slick marketing meets unintelligent, passive, fearful parent.
"“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said."
Slick marketing meets unintelligent, passive, fearful parent.
72
"Spa day looking younger"....when one thinks we have seen enough of dumbing down America we hear of this.
All dolled up for what ? What about playing with dolls, or running in the nature that wonderful swing sets when the hair blows naturally ?
All dolled up for what ? What about playing with dolls, or running in the nature that wonderful swing sets when the hair blows naturally ?
23
I'm struck by this quote:
“It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them early, and get those really good habits.”
I'm female, 53 years old and look at least 8-10 years younger, according to people who know me. I have been to a spa a grand total of 2 times in my life. I have never received a professional manicure or pedicure -- always taken care of that myself, thank you. I have never even colored my hair (fortunately blessed with a good natural color that so far has not turned gray, and when it does, so be it). I'm relaxed, trim and fit. Going to a spa, having your nails done and so forth is not the same as going to a dentist. How ridiculous. No one needs the spa life; it's all just about making money -- about capitalizing, literally, on people's insecurities. These kids are learning a life lesson that, unfortunately, will not serve them well in adulthood.
“It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them early, and get those really good habits.”
I'm female, 53 years old and look at least 8-10 years younger, according to people who know me. I have been to a spa a grand total of 2 times in my life. I have never received a professional manicure or pedicure -- always taken care of that myself, thank you. I have never even colored my hair (fortunately blessed with a good natural color that so far has not turned gray, and when it does, so be it). I'm relaxed, trim and fit. Going to a spa, having your nails done and so forth is not the same as going to a dentist. How ridiculous. No one needs the spa life; it's all just about making money -- about capitalizing, literally, on people's insecurities. These kids are learning a life lesson that, unfortunately, will not serve them well in adulthood.
73
I bet we could pick through your life-style and find something to be self-righteously superior to, as well.
We don't "need" much more than food, a hut and an animal skin to wrap around ourselves. I get massages & spa treatments because I love the pampering and the peaceful atmosphere; nothing to do with "insecurities." Proclaiming yourself to be above the fray because you don't dye your hair or get pedicures is rather silly.
We don't "need" much more than food, a hut and an animal skin to wrap around ourselves. I get massages & spa treatments because I love the pampering and the peaceful atmosphere; nothing to do with "insecurities." Proclaiming yourself to be above the fray because you don't dye your hair or get pedicures is rather silly.
3
We clearly live in a pathological society. Spending $400 so a bunch of kids can be prematurely trained to be thoughtless, elitist, selfish and vain? I suppose a nice cake served with ice cream and shared with friends at home would be far too dull?
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said." How unfortunate that saying "no" to a child is so badly misunderstood by this parent. In fact, the boundaries and lessons that parents impart to their children are the essence of love.
At least psychotherapists in Colorado will make a good living out of this.
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said." How unfortunate that saying "no" to a child is so badly misunderstood by this parent. In fact, the boundaries and lessons that parents impart to their children are the essence of love.
At least psychotherapists in Colorado will make a good living out of this.
63
This "mindset" of attaining "perfect" levels of health/wellness at such a young and impressionable age will for some girls, instill a distorted image of body and beauty consciousness...with likely, eating disorders due to these body image distortions of what's "perfect" and "accepted"....to being so manicured.
And at a very impressionable PRE-puberty age..the spas' profit margins are likely in aggregate, worth pursuing...irrespective of these myopic-minded spa owners who can care less of the mental repercussions that will ensue on these young girls...they'll argue...not my problem....it's their parents.
And at a very impressionable PRE-puberty age..the spas' profit margins are likely in aggregate, worth pursuing...irrespective of these myopic-minded spa owners who can care less of the mental repercussions that will ensue on these young girls...they'll argue...not my problem....it's their parents.
19
I don't have daughters, and I have never even gotten a professional haircut, so I don't have any strong emotional reactions to this spa-thing. However, from a purely economic perspective, I congratulate the entrepreneurial individuals who saw the potential here and took advantage of a great opportunity to generate income from those who clearly have cash to spare. Kiddie-spas are not illegal, and if somewhat silly, what they are doing is not truly immoral, it is not hurting anyone, and they are providing local employment.
1
I agree and sense a lot of latent envy among the "more money than sense" crowd. Me thinks many do protest too much.
2
Well, as long as the Market approves.....
1
I never paid for my daughters to get any kind of "spa service". They learned to save $ to buy their own nail polish and cosmetics and figured out how to be their own beauticians. They are finishing school now and learning how to budget to afford rent/food/utilities on an entry-level salary and understand that they can survive, and even thrive in their careers without professional facial cleansing and foot massages.
14
Pampering oneself, attending to skin, hair, nails, and clothes, isn't about the viewer. It's about feeling good in your body and as Love Ruddell said, honoring the feminine--the yin.
My husband and teen son went for facials at the local beauty school because their skin wasn't in great shape--too much sugar and too little sleep. Stopping to tend to their bodies was a good thing. It was my husband's idea, not mine! They're due for another round, frankly. Massage lowers cortisol levels and boosts immunity. Facials in a dark quiet room with aromatherapy, soft music, and facial massages surely do the same.
When I get facials and beauty treatments, it's for ME because I'm stressed out from overtending to everyone around me. Balance through self-care is a good thing to teach any child, boy or girl. If it's not for you, fine. But let's not shame those who embrace it and honor the yin. At home, at a salon or beauty school, whatever. No shaming.
My husband and teen son went for facials at the local beauty school because their skin wasn't in great shape--too much sugar and too little sleep. Stopping to tend to their bodies was a good thing. It was my husband's idea, not mine! They're due for another round, frankly. Massage lowers cortisol levels and boosts immunity. Facials in a dark quiet room with aromatherapy, soft music, and facial massages surely do the same.
When I get facials and beauty treatments, it's for ME because I'm stressed out from overtending to everyone around me. Balance through self-care is a good thing to teach any child, boy or girl. If it's not for you, fine. But let's not shame those who embrace it and honor the yin. At home, at a salon or beauty school, whatever. No shaming.
5
I love skin care products and treatments such as facials and massages but they need to be part of a balanced life that includes exercise, healthy eating and activities like reading that develop the mind. Real beauty means being healthy, happy, kind and compassionate.
2
The yin is much more than superficial appearance, aromatherapy or egocentricity, thank you.
2
This story is about embracing consumerism, not embracing the yin (whatever that means).
Look, in fairness to the people in the article - the writer chose to paint it in the most ridiculous light -- the quotes and examples she uses -- while I could do without the massages, over-the-top costs and pink limo ride -- taking a group of eight year old girls to get a manicure as part of a birthday party is a fun treat. I know - I did it with my eldest daughter and a couple of her friends. Today she spends all her time in college in a chemistry lab and as far as I can tell, she hasn't combed her hair in years. But at eight - the girls loved it.
8
If the parents earn that much money and they want to convey meaningful life lessons, they would be better off teaching the kids how good it can feel to engage in thoughtful philanthropy. How would you like to be the elementary school teacher who tries to discipline the "little princess" when she finds out she has to sit in a chair in school, rather than her throne? Yikes!
28
For this my generation fought the hard battles of feminism? If anyone doubts there has been a backlash against empowered women wanting meaningful lives, here is the evidence. How did their mothers become so lost that these are the values they want to impart to their daughters.
43
Wasn't feminism about giving women choices? Doesn't feminism mean women have the choice to value looks and beauty and pampering?
Who gets to decide what is "meaningful" and what is not? Isn't that patronizing/patriarchal/paternal (note the masculine Latin root)?
Who gets to decide what is "meaningful" and what is not? Isn't that patronizing/patriarchal/paternal (note the masculine Latin root)?
1
This article is a shout-out to sociologists! Please would one of you do a long term study of these children? It shouldn't be hard to find a cohort group, since I want to believe that most children are not spending days of their young lives at spas.
My expectation is that these children, as teenagers and beyond, will have more superficial values than their cohort group, but I'd like to find out if I'm wrong.
A final thought: should any seven year old know who the Kardashians are??
Oops - One more observation: It looks like the children in the limo are not in seat belts, since all those little arms are waving out of one window. I hope I'm wrong on this, also!
My expectation is that these children, as teenagers and beyond, will have more superficial values than their cohort group, but I'd like to find out if I'm wrong.
A final thought: should any seven year old know who the Kardashians are??
Oops - One more observation: It looks like the children in the limo are not in seat belts, since all those little arms are waving out of one window. I hope I'm wrong on this, also!
17
Alas, knowing who the Kardashians are is just about unavoidable. I am often dismayed by how much pop culture I have absorbed by osmosis. Just as I can sing the Brady Bunch theme song although I never watched even one episode of the show, I know who Honey Boo Boo is, and also about her deplorable family and the beardy backwoodsmen of Duck Dynasty. Like it or not. Back in the day, a dish soap commercial presented Madge the Manicurist (played by Jan Miner, an actress whose roles ranged from Law & Order to Emilia in Othello with Moses Gunn), whose tag line might apply as well to pop culture as to the product in her dish: 'you're soaking in it'.
No doubt a 7-year-old can name all the Kardashians but probably not her state's Senators, Congressmen, and Governor or the mayor of her town. And therein lies the problem.
No doubt a 7-year-old can name all the Kardashians but probably not her state's Senators, Congressmen, and Governor or the mayor of her town. And therein lies the problem.
4
No. Seven year olds do not need to know who the Kardashians are, but I gotta tell you it sure was funny to hear my six year old telling me about the latest Justin Beaver (Bieber) exploits one day after summer camp. Also, children look beautiful with the sheen of field dirt on them after a day playing outside.
4
People can do whatever they want with their money and their kids, it's really none of my business. But when wealthy people do these things and it gets big press, then it influences regular kids and parents and makes them believe it is normal and appropriate to blow $400 on a day spa. I hope this doesn't make it to TV.
19
I can not believe a child has had a professional manicure before being potty trained.
37
'I can not believe a child has had a professional manicure before being potty trained'
I am glad I am not the manicurist.
I am glad I am not the manicurist.
9
Or will appreciate or even remember a limo ride.
2
I can't believe a 3 year-old isn't potty trained. One wonders whether mommy and daddy are changing the diapers, though perhaps she changes her own - she's probably old enough.
5
Sharing the front page with this piece about children at the spa is one on debutantes and one on Thomas Piketty refusing the French medal of honor for his work on income inequality. He admonishes the French government to spend its time getting the economy going again rather than on bestowing honors. You have to wonder what values the debutantes and spa children will grow up with. Would they be better people if they learned to spend their time helping the less fortunate rather than showing off their place in the 1%? Perhaps.
24
I am skeptical, as are most of the other commenters, but my advice is to get over it. An important part of my education was sitting in the bleachers for hundreds of hours watching my child athlete play softball from age 9 to 14. What I learned from talking to the other parents is that in a significant number of cases, the child out on the field was actually the responsible member of the family. Some of these parents were creative in the dumb activities they came up with for themselves and their kids to spend money on.
Last year I was driving in my neighborhood and I stopped a man who was driving down the street in an off-road vehicle with his 4 or 5 year old daughter following in her own miniature (pink) version. They were going about 20 miles an hour. The man was outraged that I was interfering with his "freedom" and I guess I was lucky he didn't gun me down. I called the police while he sped off. Where I live, you are more likely to see a child driving an electric mini-auto on the sidewalk than riding a bicycle. Do kids need to learn to drive a vehicle when they are 4?
I saw some months ago where a child killed an instructor at a shooting range somewhere out west. Recently I read where adolescents can go to certain ranges to shoot automatic weapons. At the shore I have seen children driving jet skis. Why pick on the moms who take their princesses to the spa? Today the word "child" connotes something fundamentally different to what it meant most of the 20th century.
Last year I was driving in my neighborhood and I stopped a man who was driving down the street in an off-road vehicle with his 4 or 5 year old daughter following in her own miniature (pink) version. They were going about 20 miles an hour. The man was outraged that I was interfering with his "freedom" and I guess I was lucky he didn't gun me down. I called the police while he sped off. Where I live, you are more likely to see a child driving an electric mini-auto on the sidewalk than riding a bicycle. Do kids need to learn to drive a vehicle when they are 4?
I saw some months ago where a child killed an instructor at a shooting range somewhere out west. Recently I read where adolescents can go to certain ranges to shoot automatic weapons. At the shore I have seen children driving jet skis. Why pick on the moms who take their princesses to the spa? Today the word "child" connotes something fundamentally different to what it meant most of the 20th century.
5
You ended with: "Today the word "child" connotes something fundamentally different to what it meant most of the 20th century." I believe you are generalizing from a very small sample. More to the point, dramatic income inequality allows some parents to be fools with more and more expensive toys and experiences.
1
I loved Avon catalogs as a kid. Starting in middle school I spent some of my allowance on bubble bath and facial masks. My Mom was fine with it, but our family outings consisted of trips to the library, national parks etc. and we watched a lot of PBS. My family also did volunteer work.
I'm a grandmother now, I let my granddaughters play with some of my skincare and perfume but when I take them out we go to the bookstore, the zoo etc. One of my granddaughters spent Thanksgiving volunteering at a soup kitchen.
Taking care of your appearance is fine and a little pampering now and then is great, but none of it matters if you don't grow and develop as a person with an awareness of the world around you.
I'm a grandmother now, I let my granddaughters play with some of my skincare and perfume but when I take them out we go to the bookstore, the zoo etc. One of my granddaughters spent Thanksgiving volunteering at a soup kitchen.
Taking care of your appearance is fine and a little pampering now and then is great, but none of it matters if you don't grow and develop as a person with an awareness of the world around you.
56
My daughter was very fond of makeup, dressup, dresses etc from about age 4 to 8; I think they were markers of femaleness at an age when kids are figuring it out. As a thirty year old, her hair is her natural color, she wears a little make-up, mostly pants, and does manicure and pedicure very occasionally. On the other hand, she takes better care of her skin than ever occurred to me since I came from a family which viewed all that stuff as tomfoolery.
I think this is so wonderful as it must make the parents of these children feel so good about themselves.
5
It's obvious that this is absurd, spending ridiculous amounts of money to give a child a spa day seems over the top. But, and this is a big but, some of my fondest memories as a child were going to Best and Company with my mother and having some fancy technician crimp my stick straight hair with a curling iron. Even when the heat of the rod would sometimes come a little too close to my neck the end result, in fact the whole experience was something I would never have done at home. Then there was the playing dress up with fur stoles, high heels and pearls. Old tubes of lipstick were painstakingly applied to look and feel grown-up.
As an adult I don't wear pearls, bright red lipstick or very high heels. I do not feel entitled to a lifestyle of weekly visits to a hair stylist and Best and Co. is no longer in existence. What I do have, though, are fond memories of acting like a lady, an elegant lady and despite the fact that my mother's high heels extended way beyond the length of my actual feet, walking in them was something I will always cherish.
As an adult I don't wear pearls, bright red lipstick or very high heels. I do not feel entitled to a lifestyle of weekly visits to a hair stylist and Best and Co. is no longer in existence. What I do have, though, are fond memories of acting like a lady, an elegant lady and despite the fact that my mother's high heels extended way beyond the length of my actual feet, walking in them was something I will always cherish.
9
When I was a kid in the 60's, this would have been a very fun birthday party to attend (maybe not quite so over the top, though). But, a three-year-old getting a spa treatment? I think it was more for the benefit of the parents who probably posted it on Facebook right away. Maybe they need to concentrate on getting that overage infant potty trained instead.
14
To paraphrase Bill Cosby: The children would be better off if their parents spent as much time worrying about their children's education (fullest sense of the word) and emotional growth than the state of their fingernails.
16
I don't think referencing Bill Cosby these days is particularly wise. Not exactly a beacon of morality. Just sayin'...
3
Quoting Bill Cosby about children's emotional growth rings a bit hollow.
3
Sergio and chyllnn: aside from the fact that the accusations against Bill Cosby are still just that - allegations (not going to argue that here), you're engaging in the ad hominem fallacy. Bill Cosby could be the worst human being on the face of the earth, and still make a true observation. Much of what he said about taking responsibility ticked a lot of people off, in part because it was and is true, which has led to a lot of schadenfreude. (I didn't watch any of Cosby's TV shows and am not a fan, but the stink of bad faith is unmistakeable.)
1
This is disturbing on so many levels. What about saying no to a child means the child is unloved? How ironic to create "age-appropriate language" for a nonage-appropriate industry. What is a right about a 3 year old child still in diapers to be given a "spa treatment" with a limo ride?! Parents paying for someone else to spend time with their child to make the child feel how--special, loved, beautiful, relaxed, privileged? What society does not need is narcissism breeding more narcissism.
317
Agreed. Chalk up another one for parents who want to be their child's "friend."
3
Our child culture has been damaged severely with trashy television, inappropriate music, expensive electronics, and parents that can't say "No."
Yes, there will always be examples of excess in everything, but as a grandmother now, I realize that things have really gotten totally out of control. I I pity the husbands of these little girls, let alone, the teachers and the parents when these children reach 14.
Yes, there will always be examples of excess in everything, but as a grandmother now, I realize that things have really gotten totally out of control. I I pity the husbands of these little girls, let alone, the teachers and the parents when these children reach 14.
51
Diane, You can always turn off the trashy tv and the "inappropriate" music. Grandmothers have been complaining about music since the Beatles came to America. Our culture isn't completely child-centric nor should it be. And all this over-pampering kids started happening when baby boomers began throwing huge, decadent, expensive birthday parties back in the 80s.
2
I pity the little girls and the sad lessons they are learning about their worth and what it means to "take care of" themselves. By going to a spa where the focus is on expensive "treatments" and products to help them maintain their youth - as 3 year olds?! Wasn't it bad enough that I worried about my waistline at 12 and spent most of my 20s and 30s berating myself for not looking like Christy Brinkley? Is that really what these stupid parents really want for their daughters? Their intellectual and creative energies will surely be wasted on shallow and painful obsessions about their appearance. Yes, looks matter, I can't deny that but so does being kind to oneself and learning to accept our often minor flaws, be they those within standards of beauty but also respecting out skills and abilities.
4
It's January 3. I hope I don't read another story this vile, scary and depressing for the rest of the year.
77
"I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them".
And that is what is wrong with parenting today.
And that is what is wrong with parenting today.
131
Somehow, spa treatments for children smack as abuse, a totally unnecessary expense for potentially harmful exposure. This is a commercial transaction akin to the beauty business' offer to make you beautiful and younger...if you only follow their advice and 'creams' and 'potions'. And then the beauty contests to enhance this fraud. Your picture of a 7 year-old girl proves the point. enough already.
22
What a terrible thing to read with my morning coffee. Do these parents have any idea of what they're preparing their children for?
48
Utterly outrageous and perverse!
14
Looks like harmless fun for the girls. There is plenty of time for proper parenting the other 364 days of the year. It's better than letting their sons play football.
Anyone who thinks this is de facto vile or overindulgent or irresponsible or shameful needs to have some perspective. If anything, your reaction is the hysterical reaction the New York Times wants out of your eyeballs.
Anyone who thinks this is de facto vile or overindulgent or irresponsible or shameful needs to have some perspective. If anything, your reaction is the hysterical reaction the New York Times wants out of your eyeballs.
6
Depressingly, that is exactly my perspective...
3
It's great as a 'treat', but the industry seems to be selling this as the new normal.
2
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.
--- H.L. Mencken
--- H.L. Mencken
79
My college-age daughter and I had lunch a few days ago at a department store in Manhattan after some shopping. Next to us were several mothers with four little girls, maybe 8 years old. They were all eating bowls of plain lettuce - no dressing even - and what appeared to be diet sodas. My kid (who had a wrap sandwich and fries) commented, "You couldn't have paid me to eat plain lettuce when I was that age - actually, you couldn't pay me now." They sure do start them early these days on their life journey of insecurity, self-consciousness, and narcissism.
76
Meanwhile, 350,000 school-aged Syrian children wait to begin their modified school session, held in make-shift tent classrooms, in refugee camps in Turkey.
76
For me, a spa is something to aspire to. I just came back from a wonderful spa in Santa Fe. I would have hated going as a child. I was a tomboy and wanted to learn karate, not dance. Eventually I came out as a lesbian and got rid of my lipstick and dresses (and yes, some gay women do wear lipstick and dresses) but surprisingly, I began going to spas this year in my early 50s.
If children are going to spas at 3, before they're even toilet trained, then yes, it is no different than going to the dentist. Then what activities will the children want to do when they are older that will be different, that will give them a sense of adventure? Because a spa won't do it because it's already no different than a dentist or salon visit.
That being said, if the businesses are open and the parents want to spend the money, well, hey, it's America and it's helping our economy. I don't necessarily have to like it.
If children are going to spas at 3, before they're even toilet trained, then yes, it is no different than going to the dentist. Then what activities will the children want to do when they are older that will be different, that will give them a sense of adventure? Because a spa won't do it because it's already no different than a dentist or salon visit.
That being said, if the businesses are open and the parents want to spend the money, well, hey, it's America and it's helping our economy. I don't necessarily have to like it.
7
Playing princess and putting on nail polish is harmless ... lots of little girls play "beauty parlor" or do silly makeovers at with friends. But paying for professional treatments for a party seems completely wasteful and overboard. (And the limos. Wow.)
If your princess is hankering for a beauty party, why not buy some cheap nail polish, have a sleepover at your home, order pizza, and let your little Elsa go to town dressing up with her friends?
If your princess is hankering for a beauty party, why not buy some cheap nail polish, have a sleepover at your home, order pizza, and let your little Elsa go to town dressing up with her friends?
39
These treatments are for the parent not the child. What will it take next to make mommy feel important?
53
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said.
That pretty much sums it all up.
That pretty much sums it all up.
107
I would have headlined this: "How to Raise Obnoxious, Entitled Children."
81
As if we need more of them.
5
New York, South Florida and LA - a niche market. Offensive.
9
On top of the "so sexy so soon" culture that seems to pervade America, this is so distressing on so many levels. Learning that they NEED to have perfect nails, hair and skin? Snapping selfies as they prance down a red carpet? It's depressing to see so many adult women walking around with this Barbie doll look and behavior. Now we're socializing our kids this way, too? Women are told by social media every second of every day that we need this and that in order to look good and feel good about ourselves - and the catch phrase is always "we're worth it." Huh? What I'm worthy of is SO much more than that. What a crock. I distinctly remember when I was about 15 walking into a department store just to buy some concealer (terrible zits, teenager) and was almost berated by the sales clerk who told me I needed an entire line of skin care products to properly care for my skin. The cost? about $140 - and needed to be replenished every 6 months or so. That's 800 bucks a year - and that didn't include the makeup she said I needed. Right then I had such an epiphany - how does any girl get ahead financially then? How are we all not flat broke? I said no, I still say no (I'm now 44). Don't get me wrong - I still love a trip to Sephora now and then, but if we all bought what they say we need, we'd all be broke!! Leave our girls alone - and get them OUTSIDE to play!!!
337
I don't follow your math, Woodsy. Isn't $140 X 2= $280 a year, not $800?
6
Perhaps mother and daughter can watch video of starving people as they relax: "your $50 pedicure could have fed this family," and so on.
43
I recently gave to a homeless shelter. My $25 fed 10 homeless people Thanksgiving dinner. I hope to be able to give more next year.
4
I believe this type of behavior was observed in ancient Rome right before its fall.
49
I keep expecting the collapse to come at any moment, but we just seem to continue on in a never ending free fall. How can we go on like this?
2
Also kind of reminiscent of Faye Ray's character getting a major beauty treatment prep before getting thrown out as bait for King Kong.
3
I can't think of anything positive to say about these people or what they are teaching their children. Honoring the feminine? Are you kidding me?
68
How else is she expected to justify targeting females so exclusively, and at that targeting them in such a vicious manner? (targeting insecure parents and innocent kids is not very ethical in my opinion)
Anyone remember the feminist movement? The concept of teaching females to value themselves as something other than sexual objects?
356
Exactly!!! I had this conversation with a niece, who was beginning to show serious amounts of skin. When I brought up the fight for equal rights and the long-term struggle women had so that all women did not have to do that, she argued back that the outcome was that she was completely free, confident, loved her body and showed it. I didn't laugh -- but asked her who she thought was behind the fashion lines that sexualized women, asked her to show me the women owners of those companies, for starts. We agreed to not fight.
The point is - leggings shouldn't be the end game of the feminist movement.
The point is - leggings shouldn't be the end game of the feminist movement.
that's all been undone by the "entertainment" industry. today, young girls don't look up to women who are truly making a difference. they look up to women who make the covers of magazines and headline blogs because they can balance a glass of champagne on their caboose. everyone wants to be "famous", but for all the wrong reasons.
A mani-pedi does not make a woman a sex object. Nor does a massage or a facial. While I agree with other posters that there are many healthy ways to celebrate a seventh birthday, I remember coveting little plastic pumps at that age. I was then and still am a staunch feminist.
2
;)
There sure is one born every minute.
There sure is one born every minute.
179
One percent, that is. :)
1
The kid only spas {sigh} .... ridiculous but whatever. BUT! Here's where I would draw the line for my world: If I went into a spa to find they now serve kids there, I'd unconditionally leave never to return. I go to a spa to get away from kids and noise. Grown ups need grown up time. When do these spoiled kids learn THAT? Where are these parents going to be taking them next- the bars? Cigar lounges? Casinos? "Relax! Have a good time! Unwind! Here's an e-cig and a Shirley Temple! Start 'em early!" Ugh. Dear REAL Spa Owners Who May be Reading This: If you're thinking of turning your spa into a Chuck E Cheese alternative, you'll lose a lot of business. Dear Parents Who Feel You Must Spend Ridiculous Amounts of Money to Prove Your Love to Your Child, Try Disneyland. Or get a nanny who'll spend quality time with your child simply reading to them and playing outside.
71
the article is clear that the world of child pampering and adult pampering are kept quite separate -- doubt these parties would infringe on your adult experience.
Grown up time is grown up time. Certain places are for grown ups only. I stand by this. Little ones marching single file through the spa to get to their room "infringes." I don't try and convince owners of Chuck E. Cheese to have "Grown up Parties."
12
I love the idea of cigar lounges for 5-year-old boys!
1
How is this any less vile than the cult of "beauty pageants" for young girls? In Europe, people strive to undo the decades of damage of the Anna Wintour brigade. In the US, people strive to make it worse.
103
Sorry Hugh, but Europe is the same. In the UK, the NHS will pay for breast augmentation for women who claim emotional distress due to having small breasts.
7
The French Government banned Beauty pageants for girls under 16 in 2013. Any parent who tries to enter a child in an illegal pageant or attempts to organize an underground one is liable for up to two years in prison and a fine of $30,000. Vive la France!
7
If this isn't an example of how far we have sank culturally, I have absolutely no clue what could be. Spas before potty training, for God's sake? I can't believe I'm actually saying this but, I'm glad I chose not to have children. And I feel blessed that none of my family members that do are not interested in this in any way. Actions like these represent the massive divide between those that have and those that do not in the US right now and probably in the future. Low-income children have very little to eat, parents that work two to three jobs, are trying to save their money for their children's future education, trying to give their children basic needs. A good home, a good meal, a good education used to mean something. Hundreds and thousands of dollars spent in spas, saunas, nail polish, massages, limo rides? For 7 year olds? THREE year olds?? Totally unreal and yet it's happening. To each his or her own I guess, but what this means for the future scares me. The picture that comes to mind are castles and slums. Truly frightening. Truly.
69
I've always felt that supporting monetary independence and success should be as protected as the "reproductive rights" couples share in this country!
But, apparently, mixing the two can have disasterous results!
But, apparently, mixing the two can have disasterous results!
1
We train our female children in this manner as if it were a birthright and then and then as adults complain to everyone that we are viewed as nothing but sex objects.
Maybe we should give these little girls dolls to play with and tell 'em to grow up and be nurses (instead of doctors) as well.
Maybe we should give these little girls dolls to play with and tell 'em to grow up and be nurses (instead of doctors) as well.
31
Gross.
51
Americans are shameful. Money that could be spent on people who need it the most: the unfortunate. I have been traveling in South America for 2 years where I see so much poverty (not to mention our own country's poor), and when I see such extravagance by Americans, I am disgusted. Obesity, extravagance and materialism: we have it all wrong.
110
Oh Fred, you weren't spending time with the right crowd. When I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Africa, I met offspring of generals and wealthy politicians who drove gold-plated Mercedes and lived in opulent homes. The rich in the less developed nations live extravagant lifestyles, but behind gated walls.
12
No person goes unfed because my child goes to get a facial. In fact, we pay the practitioner and tip her, so she can feed her family.
Why would you assume that people who engage in self-care and teach that to their children don't do anything for those less fortunate than themselves?
By your standards--think about this!--I'm hurting a poor person in South America if I take an Epsom salt bath with aromatherapy oils, apply drugstore makeup, or buy my teen a t-shirt that expresses his personality because all of these things are extravagances. Why not just encourage people to check their sources and the companies they patronize to make sure people get paid and environments are protected?
Why would you assume that people who engage in self-care and teach that to their children don't do anything for those less fortunate than themselves?
By your standards--think about this!--I'm hurting a poor person in South America if I take an Epsom salt bath with aromatherapy oils, apply drugstore makeup, or buy my teen a t-shirt that expresses his personality because all of these things are extravagances. Why not just encourage people to check their sources and the companies they patronize to make sure people get paid and environments are protected?
30
Americans are shameful? Or do you mean they are shameless? Nothing will make them blush while they are being proud. It seems they have no idea that each new indulgence they foster upon their children is a reach towards a new nadir of narcissism. In other words--as you say--we have it all wrong.
25
..."fingernails long, manicured and painted a saucy red....This is honoring the feminine.” Uh, sorry. No it's not. It's honoring something that is totally socially irresponsible and selfish and teaches children the most ridiculous values ever. "You can be beautiful and tough," but never aspire to be honest or natural?
201
Yup. Some people have too much money.
45
Let's see . . . a new way to make money, by selling a ridiculous idea to ridiculous people. AND, the added bonus of beginning even earlier the indoctrination of the importance of 'beauty' to girls (because, let's face it, the market here is the parents of girls). So they can start worrying about how they look (instead of what they think, feel, believe in) even earlier in life than they do now.
Six year old girls receiving massages, facials, etc., then enjoying riding in a pink limo and documenting it all in a series of "selfies."
I can't decide if this is infuriating for its stupidity, or just incredibly pathetic. I think it might be both.
Six year old girls receiving massages, facials, etc., then enjoying riding in a pink limo and documenting it all in a series of "selfies."
I can't decide if this is infuriating for its stupidity, or just incredibly pathetic. I think it might be both.
222
Well, since the 1% carries the day, the 99% must paint their baby's toenails and massage cream onto the little temples. Just more servants for those with disposable incomes. And who says there aren't jobs for those who want to work?
28
Why you would make this into a discussion about the 1% vs 99% when it is an article about 100% fools is beyond me. There are endless trends where people who cannot afford it and those who can choose to indulge their children for a million different reasons. If you think the subject of this story is silly or bad, it is so on its own right, not because of the existence of income disparity. I am well in the 1% and would rather cut my foot off than indulge my child in this nonsense.
212
The point BK is that the 1% would generally have more sense, but the dumber members of the lower classes think they are joining the elite in these pursuits. It's all about the false class consciousness that is promoted by the .01%.
20
You are so right BK. I am NOT in the 1% -- very far from it, but actually think there are more mothers in the 99% that indulge their fantasies through ridiculous attention to their children and drag them into premature adulthood. This, to me, is another symptom of the beauty pageant moms who parade toddlers with false teeth, spray tans and eyelashes down runways that they paid to appear on. Generally speaking, most of these moms are trying to relive lives that didn't meet the mark on their perceived social acceptance ladder, and by using their children as Barbie dolls, they can play in fantasy worlds. Shame on them, and shame on our society that would exploit children emotionally, socially and mentally in this way.
7
If you had any doubts, this is why "they" hate us. Training our children to believe they deserve decadent self-indulgence and conspiquious consumption is terrible and insensitive. And it is just bad parenting.
137
What is next for American girls?
Beauty treatments for newborns, or perhaps for in utero fetuses?
Never say no to your children, never fail to indulge them?
I fear for the future of America.
Beauty treatments for newborns, or perhaps for in utero fetuses?
Never say no to your children, never fail to indulge them?
I fear for the future of America.
114
Soon we will read about the child party guest who got a drug resistant MERSA infection or nail bed infection that had to be treated with oral Lamasil that did damage to her liver and now she needs a new liver and we will be raising donations for her at a local spa. My advice: Moms: keep your kids away from those filthy places!
27
MRSA, btw
Want to do something special for your kids? How about teaching them to help less fortunate people? And donate the money you would have spent on the spa to a worthwhile charity in your child's name. If your young child needs a spa to feel relaxed, you really have problems no amount of pampering will ever fix.
600
Amen. All these spas teach these kids it to be selfish, self-indulgent and the most importatnt person is me, me ,me. Sorry but they are set up to become selfish big brats.
27
I totally agree with Reader from Ashville! ! As I read the article,as a mother of a daughter, I kept wondering what sort of childhood these very misguided parents must have had.
12
Perhaps we help the less fortunate best if we create jobs for them. What you may consider people's wasteful spending may create many jobs.
Eat at a restaurant?: You could have made it at home for less and donated the difference.
Go to the theatre?: You could have watched TV and donated the difference.
Take a vacation in the Hamptons?: You could lie under a sunlamp in the living room while having your child fan you with a herring and donate the difference.
Eat at a restaurant?: You could have made it at home for less and donated the difference.
Go to the theatre?: You could have watched TV and donated the difference.
Take a vacation in the Hamptons?: You could lie under a sunlamp in the living room while having your child fan you with a herring and donate the difference.
5
Oh what an eye opener at this early hour. Are these parents really serious. And where are their priorities. Donate that fun money to a dental clinic; medical clinic or shelter for women and children, Then moms and kids can stay home; enjoy time together, and spend that time doing whatever pampering they want to do with a clean conscience. It is sad that our society is driven by the beauty mentality; even as young as 6 or seven.
33
Pathetic. How much better this disposable income could be spent donating it to children in poverty or paying for them to get special treatment. Makes me ashamed to be female.
39
It doesn't make me ashamed to be female. There are plenty of women like me who have never bought into the baloney that these people are peddling. Look at most of the comments here Anne, I think I've read one that was defending this spa treatment. Everyone else, male and (mostly)female, thinks it's absurd. This isn't a female thing, this is the result of a society that still views women as ornaments and nothing more - unfortunately, the mothers that take their daughters to these doll factories (because that's what they are) have drank the kool-aid. I have no doubt that "Housewives of...." is one of their favorite programs. Pity...
6
Kind of disgusting. What will these spoiled kids become?
37
As spoiled as their parents, maybe?
23
This is SO creepy and Ms. Ehresman -- along with a bunch of other parents, apparently -- need to figure out how to help their children feel loved without a financial transaction connected to it.
142
How about a day of mindfulness training? Just as relaxing and offers life-long benefits.
26
Or, you know, we could just incorporate a bit of mindfulness in our everyday lives, because that sounds a lot easier and more effective.
This is not preparing children, especially little girls. to engage with the world in a healthy way; It's going other direction. By cultivating children toward a self-serving, ego-centric lifestyle, even if it's "only" for a party, the parents are projecting their own selfish wants and needs onto their children. Does the name of the salon give you a clue???
53
Parents that allow this are going to reap what they sow and it won't be pretty.
96
I didn't get my first professional mani-pedi until I was 30. Guess my mommy just didn't love me...
"The spa association’s president, Lynne McNees, said it was good for girls to learn that beauty treatments can reduce stress and promote health. “It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them early, and get those really good habits.”
Seriously? Does she know she said that out loud? Sure, it's certainly in her industry's interests to brainwash an entire generation into believing that manicures are a vital health habit. Savings accounts? IRAs? Healthy food? Darlings, only AFTER you've taken care of the necessities...like a massage.
My friend's very obviously mentally challenged diabetic sister went to a doctor-recommended spa for a truly necessary pedicure. Her caretaker gave instructions and went to the waiting room. A while later, out came S...with an enormous bill for services that she had "consented" to. The spa refused to waive any of the charges, which S could NOT afford, because 'they respected all individuals.' Guess I know who trained that esthetician.
"The spa association’s president, Lynne McNees, said it was good for girls to learn that beauty treatments can reduce stress and promote health. “It’s very similar to taking little kids to the dentist,” Ms. McNees said. “Let’s get them early, and get those really good habits.”
Seriously? Does she know she said that out loud? Sure, it's certainly in her industry's interests to brainwash an entire generation into believing that manicures are a vital health habit. Savings accounts? IRAs? Healthy food? Darlings, only AFTER you've taken care of the necessities...like a massage.
My friend's very obviously mentally challenged diabetic sister went to a doctor-recommended spa for a truly necessary pedicure. Her caretaker gave instructions and went to the waiting room. A while later, out came S...with an enormous bill for services that she had "consented" to. The spa refused to waive any of the charges, which S could NOT afford, because 'they respected all individuals.' Guess I know who trained that esthetician.
41
I would challenge that in heart beat - they took advantage of that young woman.
3
Take these little girls out of the spa and into the woods where they can experience curiosity and wonder at the marvels of a spiderweb or a fawn bounding across the path. Show them frog eggs in a pond or wildflowers hiding in the grasses.
Childhood is a sacred time of exploration and discovery of the world.
For goodness sake, let's stop turning it into a faux adulthood so misguided people can make money and foolish parents who have too much of everything can spend it.
Childhood is a sacred time of exploration and discovery of the world.
For goodness sake, let's stop turning it into a faux adulthood so misguided people can make money and foolish parents who have too much of everything can spend it.
794
I agree. As an adult I miss getting dirty, shoveling horse manure, walking in the grass barefoot….playing in the dirt is a treausre and one I seek.
8
"and foolish parents who have too much of everything can spend it."
I'm all for trickle-down economics: take it from parents and spread it around the market place. Anything to separate the fools from their money. And it is the gift that will go on giving. Grab a rich girl at 7 and by the time she comes into her inheritance at 17 she'll be lashing out huge amounts on her supposed sagging cheeks and puffy hips -- she's a cash-cow for the rest of her life, courtesy of her silly mom.
I'm all for trickle-down economics: take it from parents and spread it around the market place. Anything to separate the fools from their money. And it is the gift that will go on giving. Grab a rich girl at 7 and by the time she comes into her inheritance at 17 she'll be lashing out huge amounts on her supposed sagging cheeks and puffy hips -- she's a cash-cow for the rest of her life, courtesy of her silly mom.
1
Ah, but you see, they need to be prepared to take their proper place in the plutocracy. Otherwise, how will they ever cope with the task of staying ahead of their ever-increasing income?
2
It is always amusing to read the indignant comments from New York Times readers after articles similar to this. Is it really better to spend several thousand dollars visiting Florence to admire architecture?Okay, so I guess you could buy a book. But, what sort of example does all that extravagant architecture set? What a waste of resources. Should not the effort been allocated to help the homeless? And crêpe Suzette? Seriously? That's better than going to the spa? I'd argue the spa is healthier. What's healthy is that these parents are spending time with their kids. Whether that's cooking or nail polishing I'm not sure it's fair to judge. I am sure that parents have been judging how other parents raise their kids since there has been kids. It's usually a mistake.
13
Yes, it is better to visit Florence to admire the architecture. I do agree that spending time with your kids is a good thing. But there are many more constructive and enriching things to do. Take your kid to a museum or play, teach him or her to cook. Go out in the yard and play badminton with them.
I think what bothers some of us here is the industry targeting children, training little consumers. As a woman, I think what bothers me is training yet another generation of useless ornamental females.
I think what bothers some of us here is the industry targeting children, training little consumers. As a woman, I think what bothers me is training yet another generation of useless ornamental females.
117
There's one in every Comments column, taking the "it's not fair to judge" tack.
Yes it IS! If we can't look at a phenomenon like this and enunciate just what is wrong with it on so many levels, there is no use claiming to be moral beings at all.
I suspect that any parent who enables this "targeting" of children is looking for justification for their own self-indulgence and vulnerability to useless and UNhealthy pampering.
Yes it IS! If we can't look at a phenomenon like this and enunciate just what is wrong with it on so many levels, there is no use claiming to be moral beings at all.
I suspect that any parent who enables this "targeting" of children is looking for justification for their own self-indulgence and vulnerability to useless and UNhealthy pampering.
32
When are these parents spending time with their kids? They're paying service staff to spend time with their kids. Instead of painting their kids nails, doing their kids hair, putting on a party for their friends, pay someone else, and above all never say no to them. Don't travel abroad, but be with them. I wouldn't judge them, but I can be disgusted by every example of bad taste. There's a difference.
17
This is a hoax, right?
25
We are concerned about body images for young girls and the consequences of eating disorders, so the solution is to start focusing on this earlier? Horrifying, never mind wasting that kind of money.
477
I agree completely. This trend is the best argument against capitalism. Ever.
2
I agree completely. This trend is the best argument against capitalism. Ever.
SICK
Sick and depressing.
Sick and depressing.
56
Revolting.
“They do deserve something special,” said Ms. Ehresman, who paid about $400 for the party. WHY?? Why do they "deserve" something special?
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said. GOD FORBID you say no to your kid.
“They do deserve something special,” said Ms. Ehresman, who paid about $400 for the party. WHY?? Why do they "deserve" something special?
“I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said. GOD FORBID you say no to your kid.
357
Parents have no idea how they are setting themselves up for bigger problems with entitlement as time goes on.
Carrie Oreland PA
Carrie Oreland PA
353
Those two quotes also caught my eye. An occasion like a 'spa day' is, or should be, a reward for an accomplishment. Simply existing is not an accomplishment. The self-esteem movement, 'you're worth it' advertising, and Mister Rogers notwithstanding, you are not special just because you're you. And raising a kid in which love means never having to say no and, by inevitable inference, a constant stream of material goods equals love? We boomers were the first child-centric generation in history. Our parents, wearied by the Depression and then WW II, had no choice but to grow up. As a result, they idealised childhood and wanted to give us everything they didn't have and then some. Result, the Peter Pan generation. And since each generation wants its children to be happier than it was, and happiness is defined as endless indulgence ...
1500 characters don't suffice for an exhaustive essay on the topic, but this is just one more example of how our culture is blurring the distinctions between childhood and adulthood until there is no distinction, other than size. I do not think that will work out well.
1500 characters don't suffice for an exhaustive essay on the topic, but this is just one more example of how our culture is blurring the distinctions between childhood and adulthood until there is no distinction, other than size. I do not think that will work out well.
21
Amen! At this line I stopped reading: “I don’t want them to feel that my saying ‘no’ means that I don’t love them,” she said. What??? You can never say NO? You don't love them otherwise? No wonder we have so many ego-centric highly crushable people, who crumple or pull out a gun at the first sign of being somehow discarded, forbidden, demoted, beset-upon, or otherwise not stroked like mommy did to them. Good grief!
12
Now I've seen everything; these are children? - crikey. Spare me, and my family that's all I can say.
As granny used to say, common sense isn't that common.
These are superficial adults, raising precociously superficial kids, but super-superficial; Have they written poetry? read Antoine de St Exupery's The Little Prince? Learned how to be empathic? How are their arpeggios? enjoyed Matisse's paintings? eaten artichokes with lemon? Admired the architecture of Florence? Cooked Crêpes Suzette? Learned how to change tires? Found out how to Please please, give this ludicrous behaviour up. These kids should sue their brain-dead parents for neglect - neglect of their childhood. Typically American - the very worst.
You; super-rich! pay attention; you are brain-dead and you don't even know it. Please just pay your taxes and get out of here. nails? what's next? Perms? Brazillians? Breast implants at age 10? This is Harem behaviour. What about the kids' minds? brains? Bah, I'm so upset I know I'll never sleep. here am I figuring out how many book-shelves my 8 week-old grand-daughter will need for all the books she received for her coming out party in Brooklyn the other day.
Can you tell I'm disgusted? I'm losing any faith I once had in feminism.
As granny used to say, common sense isn't that common.
These are superficial adults, raising precociously superficial kids, but super-superficial; Have they written poetry? read Antoine de St Exupery's The Little Prince? Learned how to be empathic? How are their arpeggios? enjoyed Matisse's paintings? eaten artichokes with lemon? Admired the architecture of Florence? Cooked Crêpes Suzette? Learned how to change tires? Found out how to Please please, give this ludicrous behaviour up. These kids should sue their brain-dead parents for neglect - neglect of their childhood. Typically American - the very worst.
You; super-rich! pay attention; you are brain-dead and you don't even know it. Please just pay your taxes and get out of here. nails? what's next? Perms? Brazillians? Breast implants at age 10? This is Harem behaviour. What about the kids' minds? brains? Bah, I'm so upset I know I'll never sleep. here am I figuring out how many book-shelves my 8 week-old grand-daughter will need for all the books she received for her coming out party in Brooklyn the other day.
Can you tell I'm disgusted? I'm losing any faith I once had in feminism.
245
It is not just women. It is men, as well. All equally troubling!
4
Amen! Well said, and I am equally disgusted.
But, I think the scariest thought is what the Spa Association president says: "It's similar to taking little kids to the dentist. Let's get them early, and get those really good habits."
Now, where else have I seen similar treatment of children? Oh, yes! The mantra of any and all organized religion, political demagogues, terrorists, and the likes.
But, I think the scariest thought is what the Spa Association president says: "It's similar to taking little kids to the dentist. Let's get them early, and get those really good habits."
Now, where else have I seen similar treatment of children? Oh, yes! The mantra of any and all organized religion, political demagogues, terrorists, and the likes.
26
I share your disgust. The rich (especially the "nouveaux" kind) have always been superficial. But with the popularity of the "Real Housewives" reality type shows, superficial is now on steroids.
Although I am an American, I am so grateful that my granddaughter is being brought up in Toronto!
Although I am an American, I am so grateful that my granddaughter is being brought up in Toronto!
16
I have a six year old daughter and I would never take her to something like this. She isn't fun deprived, we go on vacation and do silly things together and even paint each others nails in the living room and do massages for each other. I want her to save some experiences for when she is grown up though, so she has things to look forward to and they seem really special when she gets to go.
Also, I don't want her to begin to see things like spas as a necessity. I know so many young women who spend hundreds of dollars on tanning, professional hair, nails, department store makeup and perfume and designer clothes and it is such a time waster and a money waster. They make $1000 a month at their first job and spend $800 a month on looking good and can't get ahead financially.
Also, I don't want her to begin to see things like spas as a necessity. I know so many young women who spend hundreds of dollars on tanning, professional hair, nails, department store makeup and perfume and designer clothes and it is such a time waster and a money waster. They make $1000 a month at their first job and spend $800 a month on looking good and can't get ahead financially.
168
So true. A young colleague and single Mom was always complaining about how broke she was, but heaven forbid she missed an appt with her eye-brow shaper!
1
Great for rich kids to learn that beauty treatments are as important as dental care (according to one quote in the article), because, let's get real, good looks really do help contribute to success in life, but should we encourage lower income parents to "pamper" their little girls in this manner and make expensive beauty regimes a lifelong habit? Just look at how upset many people get when they see female low-income earners or recipients of social assistance strutting around with professionally done nails and elaborately styled hair. Poor girls can't win this pageant-darned if you do, darned if you don't.
82
great commentary on this beauty article,
4
Wow, spas for young kids, really? This is amazing. Great for the industry, but not sure about it all....
5