The article, “Loving: 50 years later” interested me because I am a Caucasian female dating an African American male. I am very happy that I found this article since I wanted to stray away from anything political based. As I clicked on the article I was skeptical, but the moment I saw “State laws restricting interracial marriage” in the headline I was immediately intrigued. Before reading this article, I didn't even know this court case existed. I'm shocked that I have not learned about this in my past history classes. I am so passionate about this topic because it frustrates me that still do this day interracial marriage is looked on as abnormal and unorthodox. Even after 50 years, you would think that interracial couples wouldn't have to stress about discrimination since it's been so long ago but that it is not that case. I can relate to Eileen in this article because I have had anxieties just telling my own father that I have a black boyfriend. When my dad found out, he questioned me asking why I like black guys and I felt an overwhelming sense of judgement. I don't even feel comfortable bringing my boyfriend to family events because I have a fear that they would think less of me. My boyfriend is an amazing guy who is very considerate of my values but they can't see past his skin color. We are all people and we are all the same. This article made me realize that I am not alone and we need to stick to love no matter what anybody thinks.
1
Out of all these stories, the thing that made me tear up the most was the one about Jake Clark's rural Minnesota aunt reading up on Namibia so she could better welcome Jake's Namibian husband. (Article is in newsletter; don't think it is on this site.) Guess this librarian gets all soft about research. Congrats to both of them.
Overall, I was touched by the stories, while at the same time grateful for the "simple" lessons and also troubled by the episodes of discrimination. Still, in my view, the best parts of this feature are the photos -- loving, most of all!
My wife and I are biracial and have lived in the following cities: Baltimore, Washington, DC, Nashville, San Antonio, Colorado Springs, Canton (Ohio), and Los Angeles. Everyone of these cities, except Nashville, we found to be tolerant and welcoming. The racism we experienced in Nashville was mostly subtle but widespread.
When my wife tried to enroll my son in a church-affiliated pre-school, she was told no spaces were open but they would be glad to take a deposit and call us when a vacancy occurred. Two weeks later when a Caucasian couple with two children of our son's age moved into our neighborhood, they were immediately accepted to the same pre-school.
When my son was entering first grade, we applied to several private schools in town. While visiting one campus for a placement test, I noticed the absence of non-Caucasians in class photos adorning the hallway and whispered to my wife, "our son is not going to be accepted here." Sure enough, we were told our son did not score highly on the placement test, yet other schools we applied to told us he scored "off the charts" with strong math skills and a very advanced vocabulary.
I could go on, but suffice it to say, we were delighted when we left Nashville and never wish to return.
When my wife tried to enroll my son in a church-affiliated pre-school, she was told no spaces were open but they would be glad to take a deposit and call us when a vacancy occurred. Two weeks later when a Caucasian couple with two children of our son's age moved into our neighborhood, they were immediately accepted to the same pre-school.
When my son was entering first grade, we applied to several private schools in town. While visiting one campus for a placement test, I noticed the absence of non-Caucasians in class photos adorning the hallway and whispered to my wife, "our son is not going to be accepted here." Sure enough, we were told our son did not score highly on the placement test, yet other schools we applied to told us he scored "off the charts" with strong math skills and a very advanced vocabulary.
I could go on, but suffice it to say, we were delighted when we left Nashville and never wish to return.
2
Why no military couples? Isn't that how many inter-racial couples meet?
1
In 1986 I spent 10 days interviewing Anna (white) and Daniel (black) in their Mexico City home. In 1958 they moved there from Indiana partly to escape U.S. racism. BEFORE IT WAS LEGAL: A BLACK-WHITE MARRIAGE (1945-1987) offers an honest portrayal of the love and hurt any marriage can endure.
7 FREE paperback copies offered through Goodreads.
https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/239725-before-it-was-legal
Also available on Kindle.
7 FREE paperback copies offered through Goodreads.
https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/239725-before-it-was-legal
Also available on Kindle.
Reading about people's experiences with interracial marriage always makes me fall in love with our city more and more. We were married in 2009, and so far Boston has been great to us. We've never gotten dirty looks, comments or any "special" treatment as a couple. Haven't been stopped by cops either, strangely. My husband is African-American and I'm an immigrant from Eastern Europe. With the exception of two ignorant relatives on my side, our families have been completely accepting, too (and even those relatives, when they saw this was serious, completely changed tactics and put on an adoring front).
As for the marriage itself, I think personality matters a lot more than race. We have the right personalities for each other, and race hasn't really been a factor at all. It probably helps that neither of us is religious, and our values are independent of our cultures. We both view ourselves as human beings first, and our cultures are just a garnish on top of that. So we've never clashed on anything cultural or racial, and race has never posed any difficulties to be overcome. It only adds depth to be explored, and we have both learned a whole lot about each other's cultures. We are in a really happy, peaceful, loving and fun marriage, which I am thankful for every day.
As for the marriage itself, I think personality matters a lot more than race. We have the right personalities for each other, and race hasn't really been a factor at all. It probably helps that neither of us is religious, and our values are independent of our cultures. We both view ourselves as human beings first, and our cultures are just a garnish on top of that. So we've never clashed on anything cultural or racial, and race has never posed any difficulties to be overcome. It only adds depth to be explored, and we have both learned a whole lot about each other's cultures. We are in a really happy, peaceful, loving and fun marriage, which I am thankful for every day.
1
My parents were directly effected by Loving. My father was a black man from Mississippi. My mother was a white working class woman from DuBois PA. They were married in Pennsylvania. When traveling out of state, they carried along a copy of their marriage certificate, even while traveling in the north. Just in case. However, they very rarely traveled together out of state. My mother never ventured down to visit my Dad's family in Mississippi. Unlike my other cousins on my father's side of the family in Pennsylvania, my brother and I were never sent to visit family and live on the family farm when we were growing up. It was too dangerous for interraccial children. Loving gave my parents the freedom to travel together. Later, 'Loving' allowed me to marry a Japanese woman, and when that didn't work out, an African American woman. Loving means I can love who I want and live where I want anywhere in the US. I know what the world was like before Loving. I frequently remind my children that there was a time when..... My extended family remembers 'Loving Day' through email posts and reminders. Recently, in my Dad's hometown in rural Mississippi I saw interracial couples (with children) at the local Walmart. Things have changed for the better.
1
I don't see the Lumbee Indian woman and her husband as "interracial." If a couple share a Caucasian phenotype, the public will react to them as another white couple.
Apowell232,
I am very pleased to know that Loving has worked so well that you are ignorant of the way things worked back in the time before Loving. But let me educate you.
Apparently you've never heard of the 'one drop' rule. Even individuals who were 1/16th Black (or Amerindian) and otherwise racially 'White', were by law considered 'Black' or 'Indian' and had to suffer all the legal and social restrictions that the label entailed, regardless of what they looked like. The only way out of that oppression was to 'pass' as white. But to do so meant cutting off open contact with that part of your family who couldn't pass. For if you were passing as white and found to be otherwise, the consequences could be very unpleasant.
I am very pleased to know that Loving has worked so well that you are ignorant of the way things worked back in the time before Loving. But let me educate you.
Apparently you've never heard of the 'one drop' rule. Even individuals who were 1/16th Black (or Amerindian) and otherwise racially 'White', were by law considered 'Black' or 'Indian' and had to suffer all the legal and social restrictions that the label entailed, regardless of what they looked like. The only way out of that oppression was to 'pass' as white. But to do so meant cutting off open contact with that part of your family who couldn't pass. For if you were passing as white and found to be otherwise, the consequences could be very unpleasant.
1
Actually, I understand the issue far better than you do. The "one drop" nonsense was more of a negative ideal than anything else and dependent on self-policing. Virginia tried to force white-identified Melungeons and Indian-identified Lumbees to be "Negroes" and failed. Latinos, Arabs and other immigrant groups clearly have black African ancestry and we politely ignore the fact. Would they even BE here if there were a true "one drop rule"? The fact remains that, to the average American, a WHITE person is defined by phenotype unless that person goes to great pains to claim another racial identity. The real question is why so many blacks endorse a "one drop" myth based on the presumed inferiority of THEIR genes.
https://medium.com/@mischling2nd/white-racial-identity-racial-mixture-an...
https://medium.com/@mischling2nd/white-racial-identity-racial-mixture-an...
I am white, with 3 German-American grandparents, and one Grandmother who had British-American parents. My husband had a black father and a biracial mother (black and Native American.) He too gets the "what are you" response sometimes, but was raised black and his mother and sister consider themselves black too. He is a musician who worked in the LA studios for many years, and told me a story about sitting in the lobby of one of the big studios and having a white woman say hello pleasantly, then ask him, evidently seriously, where he got his beautiful tan. I guess she thought she would hear about his vacation! He told me he just spontaneously said, "Well, actually I'm a colored person," and watched her immediately walk away. Years later after we met I sometimes went to the studios with him when he had work that day, and one day was astonished to see that very thing happen to us. People are not sure how to categorize him, and apparently many people think they have that need. I, from the moment I met him, saw someone talented, kind, funny, beautiful, and bright. Time has only made me feel more fortunate in our marriage. But in the States, we still do get the "Are you together?" comment, when we come in together to check in at a hotel, or when we come into a restaurant. I have a line I learned from another mixed race couple--the wife says, "Yes. For life!" with a big smile. I now say that too, with a big smile of my own, and they usually smile right back.
4
I submitted one of the 2000 stories not published by the times. It probably was not published because our lives are so ordinary. We are lucky to live in Oakland, California, where such marriages and the children who come out of them are incredibly common. The most surprising thing to others is how seldom we think about being in a multiracial family.
9
geneticists know that race (racial groups) can not be objectively defined.
please forward article to the US census. think outside of the box.
please forward article to the US census. think outside of the box.
3
Another social construct without biological meaning is religion. That doesn't keep various societies from using your faith as a determinant as to your roll in society. You can go on all you want about what an artificial construct race is, but the fact remains that in our society it matters. In my experience the only people who can ignore it are those in the majority. If racism doesn't directly effect you, you can chose to ignore it.
2
The Thomas Theorem - "If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences."
My wife and I have been married 35 years. I’m white, she’s black from southern Africa. We were married in the country of Lesotho, which is surrounded by South Africa, and at the time apartheid was the law in South Africa. We couldn’t travel or shop together when we crossed the border to South Africa. When we applied for my wife’s US visa, we had to travel to Johannesburg. The aid agency I worked for provided a driver and vehicle and two other staff members to go along as cover. Our story for the South African police was that we were traveling to a conference.
Both our families were reasonably accepting of our marriage - my mother had some difficulty with it, but grandchildren seemed to solve that problem.
I remember a few instances of hostility when we first arrived in the US. Mostly we remember stares of curiosity. I do believe we were discriminated against when we were looking for housing back in the 1980s.
In the age of Trump, we’ve experienced more hostile comments in the past year than we remember from the previous 30 years. Trump has given people license to express their racial hatred. But when I see my children and their friends and their complete comfort among friends of all stripes, I’m hopeful that the age of Trump will be short-lived.
Both our families were reasonably accepting of our marriage - my mother had some difficulty with it, but grandchildren seemed to solve that problem.
I remember a few instances of hostility when we first arrived in the US. Mostly we remember stares of curiosity. I do believe we were discriminated against when we were looking for housing back in the 1980s.
In the age of Trump, we’ve experienced more hostile comments in the past year than we remember from the previous 30 years. Trump has given people license to express their racial hatred. But when I see my children and their friends and their complete comfort among friends of all stripes, I’m hopeful that the age of Trump will be short-lived.
19
Enjoyed this article.
My first spouse was of a different race, and when we divorced I noticed a human mien I'd never considered before in some of my relatives. I'd call it smug sympathy. Which faded to disappointment when we remained friends for years.
Way too many judgments are based on appearance.
My first spouse was of a different race, and when we divorced I noticed a human mien I'd never considered before in some of my relatives. I'd call it smug sympathy. Which faded to disappointment when we remained friends for years.
Way too many judgments are based on appearance.
8
I believe interracial marriages are the best and the most intriguing and exciting. Wow, what a wonderful clash of cultures-I mean "clas" as in those waves in the sea-which mingle and passionately embrace. Lovely!
7
I appreciate the article. A feel good moment. But...
I'm not among those coasters (and I am one, I have lived on both coasts) who are quick to condemn the conservative communities of the midwest and south WITHOUT also opening their eyes to the more subtle but still real "interracial" dating dynamics in NYC, LA, D.C, Boston.
I believe that it was Chris Rock, always a trenchant commentor of this country's racial hypocrisies, who observed that Black Man and White Woman couples are seen more often in the hinterland and the south than in New York and Los Angeles.
Don't pat yourselves on the back too hard.
I'm not among those coasters (and I am one, I have lived on both coasts) who are quick to condemn the conservative communities of the midwest and south WITHOUT also opening their eyes to the more subtle but still real "interracial" dating dynamics in NYC, LA, D.C, Boston.
I believe that it was Chris Rock, always a trenchant commentor of this country's racial hypocrisies, who observed that Black Man and White Woman couples are seen more often in the hinterland and the south than in New York and Los Angeles.
Don't pat yourselves on the back too hard.
10
Good point. I find that even those in inter-racial relationships are often guilty of racism and stereotyping, and that this is in fact why many of them got together in the first place (i.e., based on stereotypes of what is 'exotic', 'forbidden'/exciting, a desirable/status symbol mate or even who makes better husbands/wives/mothers/fathers). There are also those who like to pat themselves on the back as you say, for being so 'open-minded' as to date someone of another race, but then these same people will only date 'certain' races and not others. And sometimes not even their own. Oh the irony.
And btw, I'm not interested in any discussion of 'race is nothing but a social construct anyway', blahblahblah. People know what I'm getting at. There's a reason why so many professional black ball players have light-skinned wives. Ditto for asian women marrying non-asian men.
And btw, I'm not interested in any discussion of 'race is nothing but a social construct anyway', blahblahblah. People know what I'm getting at. There's a reason why so many professional black ball players have light-skinned wives. Ditto for asian women marrying non-asian men.
7
To clarify... when I say 'there's a reason why so many....', I didn't mean that there's a 'valid' reason for some people to 'date out', but rather that in many such instances there was nothing 'random' or 'coincidental' about the fact that these two particular people got together in the first place. Whenever you see 'trends' in inter-racial dating/marriage, it becomes pretty clear (to anyone who doesn't have their head in the sand) that there's some other stuff at play.
5
In regards to 'race is nothing but a social construct'
The Thomas Theorem - "If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences."
The Thomas Theorem - "If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences."
Nice article. Things were very different back in the day. I didn't realize how late the laws had changed.
2
It's worth noting that, were it not for Richard & Mildred Loving, the marriage of Clarence & Virginia Thomas might never have occurred..
21
Was that meant to be ironic? I'm no fan of Justice Thomas, but to imply he would have opposed Loving seems a bit presumptuous. Until I see something he said or wrote to the contrary I choose to believe that he'd favor people of different races have the freedom of choice. His stand on same sex marriage not withstanding.
1
Who knows? Justice Thomas hews pretty closely to all things conservative.
For years an interracial couple has been among our acquaintances. Now one of their children is married and we love to run into this delightful, young couple when we are out and about. They are fun, intelligent, and loving people. They have a set of twins - one child is white and one lightly black. When I look at the beautiful young faces of these children, I can't help wondering why race is relevant - just liked I wondered why being Catholic or not Catholic was relevant so long ago.
2
Interracial marriage has been going around for decades actually more than a century in various parts of the World and most of them live happily ever after with children and grand children and great grand children and so on.
Suddenly in middle America it is frowned upon which is simply ridiculous.
Just move on and let them be.
Suddenly in middle America it is frowned upon which is simply ridiculous.
Just move on and let them be.
5
My wife is white and Jewish; I am a Catholic Filipino-American.
Three words that we still get asked: "Are you together?" This happens mainly in stores and restaurants.
Many days, it's easy to ignore. But most days, it's not.
The next time it happens, my answer might be "Yes. And these are our children."
Or, better yet, "Yes. Deal with it."
Three words that we still get asked: "Are you together?" This happens mainly in stores and restaurants.
Many days, it's easy to ignore. But most days, it's not.
The next time it happens, my answer might be "Yes. And these are our children."
Or, better yet, "Yes. Deal with it."
6
Interesting stories and the movement to endure the loving feeling for one another, even if the times wee different and the color were too, love will be the strongest bond for all.
fifty years of wow and reality, my heavens up above me...
fifty years of wow and reality, my heavens up above me...
1
Thank you for a compelling and uplifting article; a much-needed antidote to the daily doses of ignorance, intolerance, and hatred that have bombarded us over the past 7 months (and the previous 8 years).
Unfortunately, the people who most need to read these stories never will, because they live in the Fox-Limbaugh-Hannity fake-news bubble, and refuse to open their eyes to truth and reality. So sad.
Unfortunately, the people who most need to read these stories never will, because they live in the Fox-Limbaugh-Hannity fake-news bubble, and refuse to open their eyes to truth and reality. So sad.
15
A great article but why did you blur the photos, NYT? I don't get it.
Photos are not blurred for me. Maybe you're having a problem downloading them? Or there's a delay? (they may be blurred until finished downloading)
3
A few of these people, all in contemporary relationships, clearly derive some type of emotional pleasure from claiming to be persecuted. On these grounds, they feel justified in making repulsive and shameful accusations against others.
They should consider that aspect of their identities. Skin color does not innately ennoble nor innoculate one from behaving in deeply ugly ways.
Then again, the Times surely encourages this sort of hateful acting out.
They should consider that aspect of their identities. Skin color does not innately ennoble nor innoculate one from behaving in deeply ugly ways.
Then again, the Times surely encourages this sort of hateful acting out.
Huh??
25
Obviously you were reading an article in an alternate universe. I did not read any "repulsive and shameful accusations" from any of the people interviewed in this article. But I suppose in that alt-universe, anyone just telling the truth about the racism and discrimination they've experienced is an outrage.
What I read in this article are stories of loving couples who've faced a great deal of resistance and discrimination as a result of marrying people of different ethnicities/races - but whose love for each other has only strengthened - and who have become better people as a result.
What I read in this article are stories of loving couples who've faced a great deal of resistance and discrimination as a result of marrying people of different ethnicities/races - but whose love for each other has only strengthened - and who have become better people as a result.
18
Florida
2
I really enjoyed this piece. Everyone of the couples who shared their stories discovered something that we all should know...people notwithstanding their "race" are more alike than different. If the trendline for "interracial marriage continues, I for one believe that in another 50 years we'll all be better for it.
11
This is what America looks like and it would not be America without lots of different colors and cultures. All of you in this article are courageous people. I'm a 72 year old white woman who grew up in a mostly white community but if people want to be educated to learn and accept all people equally, they can, but they need to want to do so and therein lies the problem.
7
When will we stop calling these unions "interracial"? There is but one race. The human race.
15
The Thomas Theorem, "If men define situations as real (in this case, race), they are real in their consequences."
I have learned that race is a pretty flawed concept that basically came into being to justify the freeloading exploitation of one person based on superficial appearance (typically non-white or mixed) by another (typically white). Although I look white I am mixed so this is a contradiction I have carried with me ever since I became aware, as a child, that it was even an issue. Absurd. We definitely live in a period where the real is not rational. And that contradiction is, by definition, explosive. The fact that some of the people in this article are described as black but are actually, due to slavery, more white than black illustrates the absurdity of these concepts. I remain optimistic than sense will prevail over nonsense.
2
Excellent article, but wish you had present photos of those married decades ago. It's interesting to see how we all change as we age--nothing to be ashamed of.
3
I see a happy couple in the picture. Only a racist would notice their race.
2
One day in the future, civilization will look back on our barbaric socially-constructed notions and discriminatory practices of different 'races', and shake its collective head in disbelief. There is only one race and that is the human race.
What a beautiful and eye opening lesson provided to us. This is called education. Nothing is wrong with learning something new. I wish all the couples the absolute best and I applaud the NY Times for sharing the love of these wonderful people. We are all one race and that is the human race. Our nationalities and our cultures should be celebrated. We must be willing to learn from each other.
3
I find these stories interesting and familiar. My black Afro-Caribbean Mom and white French Dad married in 1946 in NYC. Although the marriage was legal, the pastor of their parish felt compelled to hold the ceremony in the rectory rather than in the main church to avoid "scandal". Twenty six year later, when my white Irish American husband married me, we were able to marry in the main church in front of friends and family of many races and ethnicities.
16
Thank you for printing these stories. I loved reading them.
I'm also in a so-called "mixed" marriage. My husband is from India and I'm white. We've been married for more than 30 years now. We have much more in common, and seem to have a happier marriage, than many folks we know (we've seen so many of our friends get divorced over the years). I feel quite lucky to have met him.
For those who want to see more photos I recommend this site - http://wearethe15percent.com/
(I hope it's okay to post a link!)
I'm also in a so-called "mixed" marriage. My husband is from India and I'm white. We've been married for more than 30 years now. We have much more in common, and seem to have a happier marriage, than many folks we know (we've seen so many of our friends get divorced over the years). I feel quite lucky to have met him.
For those who want to see more photos I recommend this site - http://wearethe15percent.com/
(I hope it's okay to post a link!)
7
I truly believe that love conquers all, but in some cases it requires bravery to see it through. Reading these stories is inspirational. I wonder how many real-life love stories had to end over the years due to resistance and pressures that still exist today?
My story is not one of racial difference, but certainly unusual. I not only met my now-husband online as a member of an internet group, but our age difference is significant - 18 years. I was close to 40 with two children and in an abusive relationship (physically, emotionally, mentally). He was close to being done with college, lived in another state, and had a future with limitless possibilities in front of him. Because of that, I demurred but he wore me down eventually, sternly informing me that it was his decision who he chose to love. My attempts at practicality fell on deaf ears. Though we have a significant age difference, our values, sense of humor, outlook on life are the same, and - most importantly - the love and attraction we feel is stronger today than it was when we were younger. We recently celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary.
Unlike some of the couples in the article, I was blessed from the outset with kindness from his family. Had their attitude been different, I believe it would not have deterred us but certainly would have made it more difficult. Congratulations to those in this article who put love first.
One of my favorite quotes is "Fortune and love favor the brave", by Ovid. Indeed they do.
My story is not one of racial difference, but certainly unusual. I not only met my now-husband online as a member of an internet group, but our age difference is significant - 18 years. I was close to 40 with two children and in an abusive relationship (physically, emotionally, mentally). He was close to being done with college, lived in another state, and had a future with limitless possibilities in front of him. Because of that, I demurred but he wore me down eventually, sternly informing me that it was his decision who he chose to love. My attempts at practicality fell on deaf ears. Though we have a significant age difference, our values, sense of humor, outlook on life are the same, and - most importantly - the love and attraction we feel is stronger today than it was when we were younger. We recently celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary.
Unlike some of the couples in the article, I was blessed from the outset with kindness from his family. Had their attitude been different, I believe it would not have deterred us but certainly would have made it more difficult. Congratulations to those in this article who put love first.
One of my favorite quotes is "Fortune and love favor the brave", by Ovid. Indeed they do.
14
What gorgeous stories. How can you read these and not feel hopeful about the future?
25
My wife is Nigerian/Trinidadian and I am Caucasian from Georgia (the state). We met and married in Atlanta and are lucky that acceptance was never an issue with our immediate families. Outside of the safety of our home, however, was a different story.
On many occasions we were harassed on the street, sometimes with lingering stares but often with loud screaming and threats. This happened in Atlanta, Savannah, and Chicago. These acts were, oddly, primarily done by African American men who did not seem to appreciate me being with such a beautiful woman. I guess she should have asked these gents first if it was okay.
Thank god for New York. We've been here 10 years and not ONCE has anyone spoken or acted in a way that made us feel uneasy b/c of our love. It isn't a perfect town but it will always be the first place we felt truly accepted as just another young couple trying to make it.
I can also say that our experience and that of those who came before us has made this "preacher's son" a vocal supporter of marriage equality and overall human rights. These negative experiences could have made my wife and I angry; I'm grateful they made us empathetic instead.
On many occasions we were harassed on the street, sometimes with lingering stares but often with loud screaming and threats. This happened in Atlanta, Savannah, and Chicago. These acts were, oddly, primarily done by African American men who did not seem to appreciate me being with such a beautiful woman. I guess she should have asked these gents first if it was okay.
Thank god for New York. We've been here 10 years and not ONCE has anyone spoken or acted in a way that made us feel uneasy b/c of our love. It isn't a perfect town but it will always be the first place we felt truly accepted as just another young couple trying to make it.
I can also say that our experience and that of those who came before us has made this "preacher's son" a vocal supporter of marriage equality and overall human rights. These negative experiences could have made my wife and I angry; I'm grateful they made us empathetic instead.
38
Just because someone is in an inter-racial relationship does not mean they cannot be racist and/or clueless. You really don't understand why some black men may not be happy to see the two of you walking down the street together? Really?
Black men (as a whole) and white men (as a whole) are viewed very differently by society (as a whole). In addition, as 'mates', there's a whole 'nother set of stereotypes that abound. Sure, many black men (especially 'upwardly mobile' and/or black actors, ballplayers etc.) may have no problem attracting women of other races, but that does not necessarily mean that these same black men are not victims of a form of stereotyping.
Couple that with the fact that black men on the lower spectrum of society have to deal with rampant unemployment, racism, higher rates of incarceration, etc. But yet you don't get why they have a problem that you (white man) can just 'sail in' and swoop up a black woman?
And just because no one in NYC hasn't said anything, doesn't mean some might be thinking a certain way (but understand that it would be less tolerated here)....
I'm not saying you and your wife should not be together, but I think your comments are very naive.
Black men (as a whole) and white men (as a whole) are viewed very differently by society (as a whole). In addition, as 'mates', there's a whole 'nother set of stereotypes that abound. Sure, many black men (especially 'upwardly mobile' and/or black actors, ballplayers etc.) may have no problem attracting women of other races, but that does not necessarily mean that these same black men are not victims of a form of stereotyping.
Couple that with the fact that black men on the lower spectrum of society have to deal with rampant unemployment, racism, higher rates of incarceration, etc. But yet you don't get why they have a problem that you (white man) can just 'sail in' and swoop up a black woman?
And just because no one in NYC hasn't said anything, doesn't mean some might be thinking a certain way (but understand that it would be less tolerated here)....
I'm not saying you and your wife should not be together, but I think your comments are very naive.
3
No offense, but it's funny that you say "oddly" as if it's strange to you that black men would disapprove of seeing a white man with a black woman. Really? That honestly surprises you?
This is a lovely article, and I don't want to turn this into another angry discussion about race. But most people seem to have this weird idea that only old, grumpy white people are the ones who sneer and look down on interracial marriages. Ask any white man who's dated a black woman, and he'll tell you otherwise. (Or any interracial combo, really)
This is a lovely article, and I don't want to turn this into another angry discussion about race. But most people seem to have this weird idea that only old, grumpy white people are the ones who sneer and look down on interracial marriages. Ask any white man who's dated a black woman, and he'll tell you otherwise. (Or any interracial combo, really)
6
Being from Nigeria and Trinidad is nationality. Being Caucasian is an archaic 'racial' designation akin to Negroid and Mongoloid. Are you both human beings? Or of some other 'race?
Being any kind of colored African allowed you to be forced to have sexual relations as property of your owner master like Thomas Jefferson did with Sallie Hemmings or as the separate and unequal black hired help of Strom Thurmond's parents.
Emmitt Till was a 14 year old boy from Chicago who was murdered for allegedly whistling and flirting with a white woman. Countless black boys and men have been lynched for any suspected dealings with white women.
You seem to be pretty mighty white and proud of yourself for having a black wife. No amount of verbal abuse nor reckless eye-balling you have received can match black terror. You still have no idea how black lives are lived in America. Grow up!
Being any kind of colored African allowed you to be forced to have sexual relations as property of your owner master like Thomas Jefferson did with Sallie Hemmings or as the separate and unequal black hired help of Strom Thurmond's parents.
Emmitt Till was a 14 year old boy from Chicago who was murdered for allegedly whistling and flirting with a white woman. Countless black boys and men have been lynched for any suspected dealings with white women.
You seem to be pretty mighty white and proud of yourself for having a black wife. No amount of verbal abuse nor reckless eye-balling you have received can match black terror. You still have no idea how black lives are lived in America. Grow up!
4
I'm a black woman married to a white man for more than 30 years. Our families were apprehensive but accepting. Other than an old lady in Philadelphia who refused to rent us an apartment in her building in 1985 (irony: she was an eastern European immigrant with a thick accent. My family can be traced back to Virginia in the mid-17th century) our marriage hasn't been particularly challenging. At least not more than any situation where two different people live together for a long time. In general, marriage is hard because only you agree with yourself 100% of the time. That's just something every couple needs to understand. Strip away all other things, and you're left with two personalities calibrating balance. That's it.
We have two children, fully exposed to all aspects of their ethnic heritage, and deeply loved by their extended family. It helps that our careers placed us in an environment of rich cultural, religious, and ethnic diversity. I don't care who they marry as long as they aren't jerks, and that they read books.
But I know that mixed race relationships are not an automatic default in people's minds because of how often servers ask us if we want separate checks, presuming we're business colleagues instead of spouses. Or when we're shopping and two different sales associates offer to assist us individually because we couldn't possibly be together. It's those assumptions America still has to work on.
We have two children, fully exposed to all aspects of their ethnic heritage, and deeply loved by their extended family. It helps that our careers placed us in an environment of rich cultural, religious, and ethnic diversity. I don't care who they marry as long as they aren't jerks, and that they read books.
But I know that mixed race relationships are not an automatic default in people's minds because of how often servers ask us if we want separate checks, presuming we're business colleagues instead of spouses. Or when we're shopping and two different sales associates offer to assist us individually because we couldn't possibly be together. It's those assumptions America still has to work on.
40
You are spot on about a long marriage - we are coming up on 40 years. My marriage is not "mixed" except that I am several generations of Seattle, and he came from Kentucky, lol.
Congratulations on your long marriage - it is a constant negotiation. Of all the stories told in this lovely piece - I felt sorry for the young couple that started out with the woman being pregnant. That is a tough way to begin under any circumstances.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and here's to many more years of good negotiating.
Congratulations on your long marriage - it is a constant negotiation. Of all the stories told in this lovely piece - I felt sorry for the young couple that started out with the woman being pregnant. That is a tough way to begin under any circumstances.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and here's to many more years of good negotiating.
Like many other "problems," race recedes when a one-on-one relationship grows. This happens not only between the people who make up the couple but also between family members of different degrees. I witnessed my small town, caucasian father, who initially claimed only to be "concerned for their children," come to admire and love his son-in-law-of-another-race because my sister's spouse was a good man. The marriage took place in the early 80s. In short order my father realized that he had quite a bit in common with this "other" and his complete accepting of the man rippled through the rest of our extended family like a beautiful wave, changing minds and opening hearts.
27
Thank you for this feature. I smiled as I read each profile of these loving couples (pun intended). I wish each of them a lifetime of love and happiness.
13
Beautiful Article,,
But, we are far from a race-blind society. The thing that is in some
respect (in my humble opinion) a big factor is the evolusionary biology.
Females are built to be drawn to male with different genes. The babies
will have diverse pool of genes and which leads to a stronger immune systems.
But, we are far from a race-blind society. The thing that is in some
respect (in my humble opinion) a big factor is the evolusionary biology.
Females are built to be drawn to male with different genes. The babies
will have diverse pool of genes and which leads to a stronger immune systems.
2
I'm quite moved by this. My wife and I are also celebrating our 25th anniversary this year. I am white, of Irish decent, and she is African American by way of the Caribbean islands and the South. There is something in each of these stories that speaks directly to our experience. My wife has been incredibly patient with my whiteness. It's taken years for me to truly see the privilege I'm endowed with in our culture and it continues to be revealed as I see my son and daughter navigate our racist reality. I have hope that African Americans will someday know what it feels like to walk in my shoes, to know the privilege of not being doubted. I pray that our Country can one day realize its potential as a true democracy and give up the fantasy of whiteness. For a short time I believed it might happen in my lifetime.
55
Beautiful comment. Thank you.
3
I really take issue with the preponderance of this notion of 'whiteness' (or 'maleness' for that matter) being a place of 'privilege'. I think we are looking at this all wrong...
Instead of looking at it as certain groups getting 'special treatment', I think we should look at it as certain groups 'not being treated as any human being should be treated, considered, respected, spoken to, etc'. I don't think it a 'privilege' not be spoken down to like I'm a bumbling idiot. I don't think it a 'privilege' not to be followed around in a store for fear I may be stealing something. These are not privileges but everyday rights of all human beings. So let's put the real focus on lifting up all groups to the same level of dignity and respect that whites in general, and men in general, have always been accustomed to. It should not be about chastising whites and/or men, but about improving the lot of all humans, regardless of race or gender. ;-)
Instead of looking at it as certain groups getting 'special treatment', I think we should look at it as certain groups 'not being treated as any human being should be treated, considered, respected, spoken to, etc'. I don't think it a 'privilege' not be spoken down to like I'm a bumbling idiot. I don't think it a 'privilege' not to be followed around in a store for fear I may be stealing something. These are not privileges but everyday rights of all human beings. So let's put the real focus on lifting up all groups to the same level of dignity and respect that whites in general, and men in general, have always been accustomed to. It should not be about chastising whites and/or men, but about improving the lot of all humans, regardless of race or gender. ;-)
I have hope that African Americans will someday know what it feels like to walk in my shoes, to know the privilege of not being doubted. - As an African American woman, this brought tears to my eyes! If only...
10
It cannot be overstated that each of the relationships highlighted in this article is AND ALWAYS WAS an expression of love between two consenting adults. Yet, note that in the time of Loving otherwise decent people were driven to do and say terrible things on the grounds that they had a sincere, deeply-held religious belief that interracial marriage was wrong. The stories in this article are uplifting because the couples managed to preserve their relationships in the face of adversity. It is tempting to think that it has all worked out in the end, but I very much doubt that is the case.
How many people in our country were bullied or intimidated into abandoning the love of their life because of laws based on nothing more than religious beliefs (however "deeply-held" they may have been) and/or bigotry? Lives were ruined! People were jailed or worse! And for what? To soothe the delicate sensibilities of our nation's bigots? Yet even now, we entertain precisely the same nonsense arguments about the rights of the LGBT community. I recall the vigorous defense some politicians and our fellow citizens made of clerks who just couldn't hand out marriage licenses to gay couples on the grounds that their religious freedom makes each of them a law unto themselves. Religion, ostensibly meant to elevate humanity to its highest potential, is routinely corrupted into a catchall excuse to indulge in all manner of petty bigotry. It is a pattern that seems to repeat over and over.
How many people in our country were bullied or intimidated into abandoning the love of their life because of laws based on nothing more than religious beliefs (however "deeply-held" they may have been) and/or bigotry? Lives were ruined! People were jailed or worse! And for what? To soothe the delicate sensibilities of our nation's bigots? Yet even now, we entertain precisely the same nonsense arguments about the rights of the LGBT community. I recall the vigorous defense some politicians and our fellow citizens made of clerks who just couldn't hand out marriage licenses to gay couples on the grounds that their religious freedom makes each of them a law unto themselves. Religion, ostensibly meant to elevate humanity to its highest potential, is routinely corrupted into a catchall excuse to indulge in all manner of petty bigotry. It is a pattern that seems to repeat over and over.
19
Excellent article!
5
Fantastic article. Thank you.
5
I am a white French-French (;-) !) male dating a black Caribbean-American male. I am hoping for the best and I find support in this loving article. I wish we stopped talking about races as there is only one race in "question", the human race, the rest is pure phenotype, whether skin color or eye color etc...
14
Since there has only been one biological DNA genetic evolutionary fit human race species that began in Africa 250,000+ years ago the notion of 'interracial' is a reflection of scientific stupidity.
However, about 2-5% of European and Asian DNA Is ancient racial Neanderthal Denovisan. That is the only biological interracial left.
What we call race aka color pigmented response to varying levels of solar radiation at altitudes and latitudes primarily related to Vitamin D production and protecting genes from damaging mutations.
Confusing and conflating color as 'race' is a socioeconomic political educational historical American white supremacist legacy of the need to legally justify and defend humanity personhood denying African enslavement and separate and unequal defying African Jim Crow in America.
Being colored white was the American definition of being created equal with certain unalienable rights. Being colored brown like Barack Obama defined you as enslaved property or separate and unequal American. Being inter-colored makes you all and only black/brown/yellow in America. Colorism not racism is the American dilemma.
Lying about race as color 50 years later...why?
However, about 2-5% of European and Asian DNA Is ancient racial Neanderthal Denovisan. That is the only biological interracial left.
What we call race aka color pigmented response to varying levels of solar radiation at altitudes and latitudes primarily related to Vitamin D production and protecting genes from damaging mutations.
Confusing and conflating color as 'race' is a socioeconomic political educational historical American white supremacist legacy of the need to legally justify and defend humanity personhood denying African enslavement and separate and unequal defying African Jim Crow in America.
Being colored white was the American definition of being created equal with certain unalienable rights. Being colored brown like Barack Obama defined you as enslaved property or separate and unequal American. Being inter-colored makes you all and only black/brown/yellow in America. Colorism not racism is the American dilemma.
Lying about race as color 50 years later...why?
9
I will know that we've truly evolved regarding 'race' and stereotyping, when I see more variety in the inter-racial couples in the world. While this story did a pretty good job of showing a wide spectrum of inter-racial couples, the fact is that inter-racial couplings as a whole (in the U.S.) tend to fall along the same old lines. There are still culturally and socially and Hollywood-ingrained ideas of what makes a woman attractive or 'feminine', what makes a man attractive or 'masculine', and what makes some mates more of a 'status symbol' than others. Combine this with self-hate in certain groups and...well, it's unfortunate that this all plays out in large swaths of the population deciding whom they 'prefer' to date/marry.
6
Yes, what a milestone. And that a humble, unassuming couple laid this path for others to come....wow. As a wedding officiant committed to serving couples from all walks of life, I will always remember that Mildred Loving came out very simply and eloquently for same-sex marriage equality. The connection was clear to her. Love is love. Loving is the perfect name. Cheers.
20
I am so glad for all these wonderful couples, it brought tears to my eyes!
13
Thank you for sharing these stories.
Will there ever come a day when color will not be seen? Or felt? Or a barrier?
I have to say, so far my grandkids have a better grasp on this. If only everyone could.
What can we do for now and future generations? Everyone has the right to love, be loved, live and let live.
Will there ever come a day when color will not be seen? Or felt? Or a barrier?
I have to say, so far my grandkids have a better grasp on this. If only everyone could.
What can we do for now and future generations? Everyone has the right to love, be loved, live and let live.
10
Each of these stories only reinforces the importance (and benefit) of acknowledging each other as individuals, not as (your modifier here) individuals. It's notable -- but not at all surprising -- that these couples' family members and acquaintances who can't/won't do that are the ones who lose out.
7
Amazing stories. Love is love and in its purest form, is color-blind.
8
My parents are very private and would never have wanted to be part of a story like this -- but they were pioneers. My mother was the daughter of Eastern European Holocaust survivors and my father was from India. They met in college, married in 1968 and promptly moved to the South. They've never show much interest in discussing what it was like to be interracial but I know my mom felt being a religious minority was a much bigger deal than our family's skin color. Interestingly, my mother's family was much more accepting of the marriage than my father's. They wanted their son to marry an Indian woman. Fast-forward, both my sister and I are in interracial marriages ... though we both identify as Jewish.
30
I hope 100 years from now others will read these words and learn more about what commitment and true love is. L & I worked tirelessly for marriage equality and Loving versus the State of Virginia paved the way, I love love the way these couples love love.
9
This reminds me of my old landlord in Palo Alto, CA who told me the story of how her parents met. Her father was a doctor from the Philippines furthering his medical training around the 1930's in Chicago, IL. There he met his future wife who was an Irish American Catholic girl. I was surprised to hear they had to cross state lines into Indian to get married. I knew nothing of the Loving Virginia case when I first heard this story. Just boggles my mind that more than half the marriages I've attended would have been illegal if the Loving case didn't make it to the supreme court.
23
What a wonderful article about the transforming power of love.
Thank you.
Thank you.
9
I just read the Loving, 50 Years. I have never been as moved as I was reading these incredible testimonials on race and love and marriage. thanks, Loving family and NYT.
22
See, this is the problem I have with 'Christians' hating on gay marriage. It was considered against God's law for black and white folks to marry. But now we're 'over that' and now we can just say the exact same argument for another hate. Why can't white Christians learn from the past? We don't burn witches anymore, stone alduterers, etc. Why do we keep on pitching battles against human interaction that isn't exactly like our own?? Let me hear it, folks, and not "The bible commands".... That's been cherry picked to death.
33
Bible Concussive Syndrome is very hard to treat, DebinOregon.
"Let us pray"....for endless biblical white spite.
Nice people.
"Let us pray"....for endless biblical white spite.
Nice people.
8
While I agree with your sentiment, I feel that I should point out an inconsistency:
Laws against interracial marriage were created to support the new (at the time) goal of race segregation following slavery in the US. Obviously, white and black had married before without a problem in the centuries before.
Gay marriage was an necessary (and welcome) extension to a law that never before had included gay couples.
So while the interracial marriage ban took preexisting rights away from people - and created a new, socially constructed barrier to inforce the heinous crime of discrimination of segration - the gay marriage extension has no such parallel.
Laws against interracial marriage were created to support the new (at the time) goal of race segregation following slavery in the US. Obviously, white and black had married before without a problem in the centuries before.
Gay marriage was an necessary (and welcome) extension to a law that never before had included gay couples.
So while the interracial marriage ban took preexisting rights away from people - and created a new, socially constructed barrier to inforce the heinous crime of discrimination of segration - the gay marriage extension has no such parallel.
One of the first laws against interracial couplings/marriage was enacted in the colony of Maryland in 1664 -- 200 years before the civil war. Other colonies soon followed
1