I’m a Queer Nigerian. It’s Hard to Find a Church Community.

Interesting read, really! Although, it seems to me like you found something in that gathering, and that right there is church.. Also taking from your expressions, you seem to be more intent on finding validation rather than the truth of God's word for yourself. Real church is more like family; one that is only united in perfection by Christ's love. Its never about the people, the "Pastor" or you, it's about Christ. No one can give us that true validation we seek, if we're being honest..there'll always be that great void or emptiness only He can fill. Your goal, if you choose, should be seeking to become more like Him; and don't ever feel like this is impossible to attain, simply ask for His help as genuinely as you can. Don't stop sseking, and I pray you get your answers soon bro! Love.

I was also raised Roman Catholic, in a more liberal arm of the Church, and as the Church turned Right Wing, I turned Left... as in, left the Church. I didn't go searching in yet MORE conservative bastions for acceptance. I knew I wasn't going to find it. It was not going to be forthcoming. I decided, no gods for me. Mostly, I've been okay for that. I still miss the cultural aspects of Church. I don't miss the nonsense. A friend of mine, Came Out in his mid 20s. He was extremely devout. Unlike me, he was an Evangelical. His Church was his LIFE. He couldn't see existing without his God. He spent several years searching for a Church, in conservative northern middle Tennessee which would accept him and his partner. He traveled to Nashville, 90 minutes one way. Even that proved ultimately fruitless. Then with a few friends, he started his own church. At first, they brought in a pastor from the city. It took several years. It met some local resistance. But he was affable, talented, pleasant. It didn't hurt that his father was a respected local political figure. His church and its rainbow banners *flourished.* Everyone is welcome. Sometimes when you can't find the right community for you, you have to start one. Find a denomination that is affirming of LGBT+. Ask them if they will send a missionary. Or if you can simply start a mission yourself. Nelson, if there is nothing for LGBT folks where you are, you have a light, you do not put it under a bushel. Start something.

Are you gay (homosexual) or queer? They’re not interchangeable.

I'm so sorry. I'm a pastor at an ELCA congregation that is designated Reconciling In Christ, which means we are fully affirming of LGBTQ folks as beloved children of God. I know that while there are a lot of (truly) affirming congregations in the US, they are not so common in Nigeria. What an enormous struggle to not be able to bring your whole self to your community. I know this experience resonates with a lot of people here in the US, too. The bait and switch common among certain churches, particularly churches that have deemed themselves "cool," is incredibly harmful. You shouldn't have to hide who are in order to be part of a church community, since God has already called you by name and called you good. God bless you in your journey.

Uhh try a United Church of Christ or your garden variety Methodist church ... We don't judge and we have no idea what is right or what is wrong.

Thank you for so openly sharing your story and your pain. I am not gay, but it seems like in the US for many years it was left to the founding of a new church, the Metropolitan Community Church, that had a specific mission of outreach to the LGBTQ community and other minorities, to provide a safe home for Christian gays. It is only in recent years that some other Christian churches in the US have begun to openly welcome gays with true equality. You might contact Metropolitan and see if there is any possibility for such a church in your country. https://www.mccchurch.org/

You can share the idea of God as manifest in the universe, and also collective singing in other religions, e.g. Hinduism. You can also find a more accepting Christian Church. Pentecostalism in its many varieties is among the least accepting. Or why not start your own accepting sect of Christianity?

I believe this writer is unbelievably brave to put their experience out there, especially concerning a topic involving Nigerians. I am a Nigerian myself and like most Nigerians, I was raised in church and with faith which means I understand the draw back to church. The sad truth is Nigeria and Nigerians are stuck in their ways and refuse to change, our people are very traditional and refuse accept a different way of life. Nigerians are very stuck in what they believe and those who believe differently are considered wrong. I was raised in Lagos and i moved to the states for school when I was 14. I'm an adult now and my views and how I live my life are a bit different than what I was raised with and I have had multiple people(Nigerians in Nigeria) tell me that my views are wrong because they aren't what the community believes and I am not even a member of the LGBT community. I am say this because I don't think it's worth it to wait for Nigeria to change its views on the LGBT community because these are proud people who hold on very tightly to their culture and beliefs. I think if you can't find a community in Lagos, you should build one for yourself.

I grew up with no organized religion at all (an advantage in my eyes); in fact, my parents were against religion although not vehemently. My stance as an adult has softened: I remain happily un-churched but realize for others, it is an integral part of their lives. This is the 2nd Op-Ed within the last 2 years I have seen in the NYT by Africans longing for a church which supports and embraces their LGBTQ identity. What this says to me is there is likely a need for such an organization and I would encourage the author to start one. It doesn't have to be just LGBTQ folks either but people who support them and disagree with the church's current stance.

I’m guessing the author knows what traditional Catholicism and other traditional Christian denominations teach — all parishioners are beloved, valued children of God and are to be treated with dignity, but all unmarried men and women are called to celibacy. That applies to those who are gay and straight. Don’t expect those churches to change teachings that are seen as the word of God.

I wish you well in your search for a spiritual home. I wish I could tell you the Anglican church is accepting, but I honestly don't know the situation in Nigeria. At least you would find a form of worship quite similar to your Catholic experience. I have cycled through several denominations to finally find a home in the Episcopal church here. I had a friend who was arrested in Uganda for being gay and I know that I cannot grasp the oppression you face. I can say I send my prayers and love.

All religions are man-made; based on "holy books." These holy books that religions are based on (most notably the Bible, the Quran, the Book of Mormon, etc.) are works of literature, written by human beings. They are products of their times: They are always written by men; never by women. Women were not equal to men back then (still really aren't outside of northern Europe). They don't condemn slavery. It was OK back then. It's OK to commit murder/genocide under certain conditions. And they describe a god who frequently lacks emotional control; one who gets angry and exacts revenge. Not very god-like behavior IMHO. These books contain a mix of: beautiful thoughts, contradictions, absolute fiction and exhortations to commit evil. And religions were created around them, always led by a narcissistic male. And these religions made sure to align themselves with political power and then make it OK to spread by genocide over the centuries. And hideously torture and kill those who question it. Nothing like religion. I wish that the developing world will be able to escape from it as much of the developed world has largely been able to.

Try visiting a Unitarian Universalist congregation. It is an open, welcoming faith with acceptance of all at its core.

Come to Princeton, NJ, of you can; our United Methodist Church will welcome you without any conditions whatsoever. sorry for your travail.

It's got to be tough when your culture and religion are in direct conflict with your sexuality.

Thank you for sharing your experience and your pain. For readers, it reminds us how lucky we are in the US with relative tolerance and freedom Count our blessings, and remember the good here

I am an atheist that left the familiarity of the Catholic church I was raised in at age 18. I have never looked back. After investigating several alternatives I came to the conclusion that all religions are intrinsically the same, they are all about power, the power over others. After many years I concluded that there was little or no empirical evidence to support the contention that there was a god. My community is my small sphere of friends one of whom I have known for over 50 years. Your pursuit of your spirituality is a personal journey and choice but you are looking for comfort, acceptance and love in all the wrong places. Perhaps there are organized religions that openly embrace gays but obviously not in a country that still criminalizes it. I hope that you can eventually escape and find peace and happiness.

Become an atheist and find your real friends.

Nothing like that old time Christian love and forgiveness to bring the world together and make it a better place for all.

With every good wish that you find your spiritual home, or that you can make one together with like-minded people.

Many Nigerians have left the Christian Church to join Eckankar, the Path of Spiritual Freedom. There is no bigotry against gays or anyone else. After all, according to this path, Soul = Soul. Karma and reincarnation are principal beliefs in Eckankar. Possibly the most significant teaching of Eckankar is simply this: "Soul exists because God loves It." It all starts and ends with love.

Read the Bible.

I would think that it would be hard to find a similar community anywhere with such a specific designation.

Try to seek out the Unitarian Universalists. If there is no congregation conveniently located, then work with some friends or family to start your own group. You can maintain your Christian beliefs but celebrate your spirituality with accepting and welcoming people.

The damage done by conventional religion to gay people is incredible...be it Christian, Muslim or Jewish. Why anyone would remain among such homophobia is really unbelievable. There are other ways to find friendship and community, without having to lie or spend your time justifying your right to live your life to the full. One can be religious or spiritual by oneself, at home - without having to jump through hoops for others.

Dear Author, I wish there was more I could do than just to say "I'm sorry." As a queer woman in the United Methodist Church, I feel as though I can understand at least some of your pain, although I recognize that my position, not only as a queer woman, but also as a white person living in the Northeast of the United States comes with privilege. The UMC has recently been in the news over the proposed schism over the issue of LGBTQ acceptance, although the debate has been going on longer than that. It hurts to have your humanity debated publicly and it hurts to feel like you have to prove yourself worthy of love and acceptance from the one place it should easily be universal. Even while my church at home reaffirms their position to not only welcome, but celebrate everyone, it only slightly helps to temper the pain that comes with understanding how half of the larger church community views you. So, I am sorry. And I wish I could say "it gets better" but it doesn't feel that way. I see you, understand you, and I am sending love your way.

Different cultures evolve at different rates. As an older gay man I can remember when acceptance of gay individuals was rare in Christian churches in the United States. Today, even in socially conservative Indiana, I can reference by boyfriend casually in business dealings and no one bats an eye. Change will come, gradually but inevitably. It starts among the more educated classes (such as the author’s church fellows) and filters down. Being open about who you are, as the author is doing in this article, advances the process.

Black queer Nigerians would be welcome in United Church of Christ churches.

This is not merely his personal issue, but a huge over-arching problem effecting Protestant churches worldwide. Conservative African churches, financially supported by their more liberal branches in the west, consistently vote against those churches core values where homosexuality is concerned. In my Anglican church, Nigerian members twice voted down new pastors whom were married and gay. This really angered many of the white western congregants, and it is only a matter of time until it causes an international schism. I hear that the Methodist church is grappling with this same issue at present and may vote to stop supporting African churches whom refuse to accept homosexuality as a a valid and valued lifestyle. What choice do they have? Young Americans are fleeing conservative churches in droves and with them go future payments that support African churches that insist on rigid Old Testament adherence.

Great read! an honest perspective on religion and queerness in Nigeria. Religion is a significant part of the Nigerian culture, it is almost impossible to ignore the effects it has on a person that grew up in the country. I understand the writer's plight, but finding acceptance is the best you would get from religion in Nigeria, at least for now. No one would endorse it. You'd have to find solace in the fact that some church is even accepting, not a lot of them are in the country. Baby steps!

Thank you for your courageous article, Nelson. American Christian churches have had a long struggle accepting LGBTQ members, but the acceptance is growing. I attend First Methodist Church in McKinney, Texas (a VERY conservative community) where LGBTQ members are fully and openly accepted, although there are members here that still hold condemning attitudes. It's a long, hard road to full acceptance, and it's people like you that will break down the barriers in your country. My prayers for you in your fight.

There will be those who suggest the Bible offers a fixed understanding of sin, sexuality, and marriage. That is simply not true. The Bible offers a contextual understanding of sin, sexuality, and marriage. The context of life has changed in the roughly four thousand years since the earliest extant copies of scriptural texts were written. Marriage, for instance, was the union of a man and women in the time of the patriarchs, and arguably was at the time of Christ as well. The shift to marriage as the union of two people was a foundational shift in understanding. Likewise, the notion that two people should marry because of love was a seismic shift in understanding. What hasn't shifted is Jesus's teaching that those who would like to hold up one aspect of the Law will be held accountable for the whole Law. So, those who glibly hold up Leviticus and Genesis as clobber texts to justify their views of sexuality must be prepared to uphold all 613 commandments of the Law. Even more, an understanding of the teachings of the Newer Testament regarding sexuality that does not consider the meaning of the words themselves will be inherently flawed. The Greek term arsenokoitai specifically targets those who engaged in temple prostitution and those who frequented them. There is far more nuance than a simple dismissal of homosexual orientation as being unbiblical will permit. Jesus, though, is clear: "Come to me all you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens."

Mr. Nelson CJ, May I suggest you contact Archbishop Tutu's replacement, Archbishop Winston Ndugane and ask him for a recommendation to an Anglican Church that would welcome you. Ndugane has worked w the LGBT community in the USA.

The Bible dopes not condemn people who are homosexual, but it does condemn homosexual behavior- not just in the Old Testament but also in the New Testament, as seen in the letter to the Romans by the Apostle Paul. Is a church supposed to change the definition of sin in order to conform to a changing culture?

The Orthodox Christian Church of Nigeria will also welcome you with open arms.

As a queer man if you are looking for a safe haven in Christianity as practiced in much of the world, you are barking up the wrong tree. You are the most original of original sin in its eyes. It is hard to feel good about yourself when surrounded by people who find your lifestyle repugnant and there are no alternate communities which can give you support. For those of us who live in more progressive societies, your story should be a half-full moment.

When I served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Africa in the 1970s, I was aware of many gay Africans. They lived quietly, never calling attention to their sexuality, but enjoying relationships and love. The “official line” from tribal elders was that homosexuality did not exist, but everyone in the tribes knew that it did. The problem with African churches is that they are caught in that quandary of knowing how their followers are living and yet unable to meaningfully address issues of sexuality. I feel for the author’s plight and wish him courage in remaining true to himself.

I can understand the authors upset but it is unreasonable to expect a group to change its beliefs so that a new person can fit in if part of their foundation is that hey are better than everyone else. By definition the new person is one of "everyone else". Just remember that they will probably be happy to cash any checks you send them and maybe you can be appreciated that way. i

I sympathize with this author’s predicament. Ironically, I am an atheist. A devout one if that is possible. I would politely suggest that the author reject religion and find spiritual stimulation in other endeavors like volunteering or even meditation. I do not believe in God because it’s a concept without any factual support. I am not sure why this author wants to congregate with people who reject who she is.

You are not alone, brother! I belong to a Baptist church that is uncharacteristically welcoming to the LGBTQ community. Yet even here, it is not easy. I have been working to make our inclusivity more recognizable for folks outside out church community. People don't understand how important that rainbow flag is. I pray you find a church that will truly welcome you and those whom you love.

Unitarians will welcome you w/ open arms.