This entire article is suspect. I am reminded of the words of a very wise person; be careful what you look for, you might find it.
10
Peggy McIntosh, whose essay I read some decades ago, had it right and still has it right. White people, like me, are oblivious to the privilege that they have at their disposal and therefore have a really hard time understanding what it might be like to be black and without those privileges. Here's a link: https://www.racialequitytools.org/resourcefiles/mcintosh.pdf
16
You convince a realtor that you're middle class by being pre-approved for a mortgage.
... oh, wait.
6
The fact that he article is about "code switching" is part of the problem.
The question should be - after all of these years - why is it necessary for two separate cultures to even exist.
8
Our son went to a pretty integrated school and our younger daughter went to a 99% black school for many years. It was always noticeable at school functions how much better the black parents were dressed than the white parents were. Since there was no one to be impressed, I always took this as just a cultural difference of some kind and that the black parents saw this as the proper way to dress for a school assembly and the white parents were much more casual.
5
The article clearly has struck a chord with many readers. However, the article's gist seems lost in the "me too" mindset of the readers. The article dealt with the extra socio-economic and visual gymnastics that blacks must perform in order to feel enfranchised in many areas of society. Yes, prejudices abound in every facet of human interaction. Yet the discrimination or lowered expectations meted out when one is black -- regardless of education, net worth, or perceived socio-economic status, is perennial, pernicious and merits discussion all of its own without being co-opted by other forms of discrimination.
25
I'm white and middle class. My husband and I both have advanced technical degrees and professional government jobs. A realtor ignored us because we hadn't sold our previous house (she assumed it had a mortgage, which was not true). She wouldn't bother with us.
There are lots of filters. Race is one of them, no doubt.
8
Another divisive race column in the NYT...not a surprise at all. The undertone for of these columns is whites are evils holding everyone else back, especially blacks. You don’t see legal Hispanics, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Eastern Europeans, etc complaining like this.
Based on my readings of various newspapers racism cannot be eradicated. It is just not possible according to the writers. If nothing truly can be done then stop writing the columns. I’m not exposed to it so maybe I don’t know, but I do know people who have been discriminated against and they have all gotten over it by working around it.
13
I have been stopped by six cops while jogging in my Harvard Law sweatshirt in my neighborhood.
I have been accused by a white valet of stealing my car, a Prius, which had been pulled up to me by another white valet.
I have been told to my face that a property owner would not rent to black folks.
I've had the police called on me on a golf course because my golf cart partner politely complained about the lack of steering in the cart to a marshall. When he complained, he was accused of breaking the cart. And shortly thereafter a police cruiser began driving up the fairway.
I'm a light skinned, 5'9" black man with two degrees. I dress preppy. As a Phi Beta Kappa English grad, I speak properly.
None of this - not your education, not your politeness, not your code switching, not your voice volume, not your grammar - none of of this renders you immune from racism in America. Racism is America's original sin, its amniotic fluid, its historical brand. And until we fully acknowledge that and reconcile with it, we will be reading about racism in the Times in 2120 and 2220 and for centuries after.
58
Thank you for writing this article. It's eye-opening, realizing how exhausting it must be to have to worry about perception every single minute. I cannot imagine the energy it must take to have to signal with every encounter that one should not be discriminated against.
I just realized I experienced some of this at a local spa (Chelsea, NYC) over the summer - I had arrived in gym shorts, sport bra and T, and was waiting for my massage therapist to come out. There was a black couple waiting also, dressed much more respectably than me - I think the woman in a blouse and the man had a sports jacket on. The owner of the spa asked them, in a nice tone and very socially, where they were from. They answered they were visiting from Long Island, but I could tell they didn't like the question, no matter how socially he'd asked it, because the woman smiled a little pointedly and asked how come he didn't want to know where I was from, and he replied, "look at what she's wearing, she's local." At the time, I felt a little bad, like I'd disrespected the spa by going too casually. Now, in looking back, I can see why that question asking where they were from would bother them, and it wasn't about me at all.
21
How to convince a realtor you're middle class? With a bank mortgage preapproval letter in your hand, like the rest of us.
16
Wow, the chorus of "not all..." "not me..." "we all do this..." "this is the way the world works..." " stop whining...."
Sometimes it's ok to just read something and sit with it, think about it, and keep that knee from jerking.
32
This oped would be appropo in 1990 something, and I've personally witnessed a black couple being denied a room in Savannah at a major hotel chain, when we were given a room moments later, no questions aked. I called the home office and reported the discrimination that very night.
But, your comments and title are a strong example of "reverse racism". You employ "white realtor" in the title as click bait, a new form of yellow journalism, yet fail to prove that the realtor did anything different or discriminatory.
You obviously did very little research on the realtor angle, and just went with an old sensationalized tale or two. What you failed to mention is that realtors are specifically trained NOT to discriminate, and that a violation of the Fair Housing Act comes with a $10,000 fine paid by the realtor, not to mention a possible loss of their license when the offense is reported state licensing board.
HUD sends around "faux buyers", typically a couple, to ask for showings. If a realtor "steers" this couple away from certain properties, either because they are in upscale neighborhoods hoods or a neighborhood in a more economically depressed section of town, either scenario violates HUD rules and the FHA, and can result in censure and/or steep fine.
Yet, you fail to interview anyone from a real brokerage, or from HUD itself. Shame on you and your editor. Your piece is nothing more than race baiting slam on "white realtors."
14
So... all white realtors are racist? What a disgusting accusation.
14
Yes, white people never keep up appearances.
13
Why are people so snobbish? I take joy shopping and dining wearing rags in where people tend to act snobbish, and ignore them.
Federal Fair Housing legislation was first proposed by LBJ in January 1966. And it went into bipartisan national black hole committee opposition. Until April 4, 1968 when in the wake of the urban uprisings following the murder of Dr. King blew it out of committee and was signed into law on April 11, 1968.
No amount of education nor socioeconomic success nor family stability ever made any of my black African American enslaved and free- person of color ancestors nor any of their heirs as divinely naturally created equal persons with certain unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as the white ethnic Slavic European American the Czech Ivana and the Slovenian Melania Trump.
Both of whom were credibly accused of illegally entering and working in America. And whose educational and professional bona fides are extremely modest.
10
Dr. Lacy, as a white person, please explain to me what it means when a black male wears his pants like they are falling off? So you can see the underwear. That looks entirely stupid and as if the person is unprepared for life to me, and my culture, but I may not be understanding some deeper meaning to the behavior. Please help enlighten me and the others who are perplexed. You have the mic....
23
Good for Ms Gonzalez. The “no party” contract is outrageous given its selective application. I hope she wins her case.
As for convincing white realtors one is “middle class,” I say respectability politics are not useful. The reaction is based on skin color, nothing else. We shouldn’t waste our time trying to convince people of what exactly? That we aren’t black?
Next, there are more than a few black realtors in the DMV, use them! Asians do business with other Asians, Jews with Jews, Hispanics with Hispanics, even white women with other white women. Blacks should follow suit and do business with other blacks where possible. Apparently, this IS the American way.
4
The number of comments pathetically questioning or even denying the experiences of people of color demonstrates the level of White denial that runs rampant in our society. Period.
36
@Infinite observer I was about to rebut your argument but then I saw you spelled out period and realized you were right. Thanks. That really changed everything.
7
Didn’t the Irish go thru similar,back in the day? Perhaps the Jews get a different treatment? Or unmarried couples? Would it be odd to treat young people with similar, especially if a rock concert was happening that night?
Perhaps an event attended by a predominantly black audience had problems with noisy parties, and another similar event is occurring?
Sometimes there’s a justifiable reason for such agreements, it’s not so much against you, but to protect them
4
Yes, by all means, let’s keep trying to justify blatantly racist behavior.
22
You do this for a living? Sorry.
5
If you show up with a pre-approval letter from your lender stating that you're pre-approved for a loan for x amount of $ every realtor on the planet will take you seriously. By the way even a white guy like me has to do the same.....
6
You obviously didn’t see the video report referred to in the article. Glad it worked out for you.
7
Shouldn't income information provide a clue to social status? Just another liberal attempt to claim racial bias. Thank you.
8
Yes, real estate agents want quick and no effort sales. They make their money finding the most house a buyer can afford. They don’t get paid more because they advanced housing integration. Yet. Maybe they will some day.
But a lot of your editorial is about: “black people “have two faces. So you know how to present yourself in the white world and you present yourself in the black world as yourself.”
There is a whole lot there to talk about. Mostly I thought how white bigots do the same thing, being themselves when black people are not around.
Then I thought of how many low income white people feel exactly the same way you do when they are out in the “rich people” world.
Maybe “people” should dress, speak, and act as they want to be perceived by others, in public. That would be the most obvious way for a member of the public to know who they are.
4
If you are looking to be offended, you will surely find something to offend you.
10
Such a helpful comment. Why bother?
10
"black voters" in the news, still upset at Bloomberg over stop-and-frisk ... yeah, uhm, over the weekend i saw a group of young black and latin kids (like 20s) jump the turnstiles in my hood (prime upper west side, manhattan). they did not look like struggling hard workers trying to make it, like AOC always claims, they just looked like a bunch of young people who think the laws dont apply to them.
and then the next day i was in the local duane reade at night, 3 male black youths entered the store same time as me, walked out with me, except i had a stop at the register to pay for my stuff, and they did not. i noticed after they were eating a new bag of lifesavers gummies, just like the kind that are sold at duane reade to 'privileged white' folk. these incidents (which i experience frequently in the city), do not in any way shape my ideas about racial stereotypes.
11
Well, if you’re looking for people of color doing bad things, you are sure to find it. Bet you don’t notice the white kids ever doing anything wrong, right? Let me guess? Because they’re perfect and never do anything wrong?
17
Why are isolated examples of discrimination used to paint a picture to implicate all "white" people in this country? Has Ms. Gonzales won her suit yet, or is it enough to stain "white" people with racism if someone simply files a suit?
I'm so sick and tired of listening to unfair pronouncements and bloody-shirt waving such at this from left-bias pompous academics like Karyn Lacy. I don't expect fairness or even handedness, only the hypocrisy of her own racial prejudgments. Racial prejudice of all kinds is wrong, including that hurled toward "white" people.
6
It’s all in how you respond that nips that racism in the bud.
If they are prepared to go their, then you should be prepared to respond accordingly.
Oh, "sociology..." Next.
3
What on Earth is “black English” versus “standard English”?? Do elementary schools with predominantly black children teach “black English”? And if so, why?
8
I am aghast but far from surprised at the way white people in these comments place the blame on black people for bigotry in the face of strong evidence that it most surely—still—comes from we whites. It makes me sadder than I thought possible, & angrier than ever at the ignorant bigot in the White House who daily legitimizes this thinking.
21
The NYT is obsessed with identity politics as far as humans go -- they are human-centered. But I never see any articles on speciesism/animal rights which is the only -ism that I care about.
5
It is not surprising that people react to how others present themselves. For many whites and Asians, the "gangsta look" unconsciously influences how they see African-Americans.
Everyday, for years on end when I taught inner city, I passed young black men with drooping and their underwear showing. They cultivated a menacing appearance and, so, were likely regarded as menacing. Why not?
My school insisted on uniforms -- strict compliance. Teachers were not invited to see black kids as gang-bangers from the 'hood. These kids, instead, looked like youngsters one could teach.
Make a spectacle of oneself, use non-standard English when you know better and, yes . . . . a lot of people will write you off.
17
Sad but rings true. I was listening to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech from 1963 yesterday and was brought to tears reflecting on our society's drift in recent years from the values I've always taken pride in, even when imperfectly realized.
6
When Jesse Jackson was running for President, he remarked that if he saw a young black man walking towards him on an unlit street, he would cross to the other side of the street. (He later retracted the comment when he realized it wasn't politically correct.) Stereotypes are unfortunate but they do have some basis in truth, even if they unfairly stigmatize others.
8
Racism is deeply embedded in the housing industry, but it is also visible, in plain sight and truly at the center of how black people are judged and treated. It is incredibly sad that in this day and age profiling and racism are forcing people of color to change the way they dress and talk, all in hopes to be accepted by the common white person. I feel like it can be overlooked that there is an effort that black people need to make to not be profiled as poor by realtors and store clerks. The fact that “they paid a price when they failed to perform these public identities,” means that there is a trend of white people being quick to judge the actions of black people, to a point where they are not given equal opportunity. The fact that there are psychological effects, and that people of color need to put on a show to feel accepted and to be taken seriously by white people is devastating. Unfortunately, we live in a society centered around white people, and it is frustrating to see, but important to hear the perspectives of how deep this issue goes. I could almost argue that sometimes these microaggressions of racial profiling can be subconscious. This issue is so deeply rooted in our society that even a fleeting thought, these subconscious biases are socially ingrained and have negative consequences for innocent consumers. It is all around us but often overlooked because it is not something white people need to think about.
6
mlk and other leaders of the same ilk were revolutionaries in the sense they sought to change society. black people cannot change society by submitting to the same social codes that have led to even further demonstrations of racism. we must break those codes instead. a young ward who is having problems trying to fit into the corporate climate, finding out that dress and looks were not enough, had forgotten that it was the power of character and ability that changes things. not straightened hair, labeled clothing. if others can go into airports trashy or plain-looking and receive service, black folks should have the same accord. let's not push the wrong standards forward. where are the individual black revolutionaries among our people who influence others - not only black people but all? it is the forte of a few, but about time.
2
Yes, all of us White people have experience some type of discrimination, I did growing up in a small town and with 2 alcoholic parents and being poor, but I have had in my life blocks to success by where I came from etc, but all my life I have had white privilege in the world and while I've had to fight to be recognized with people where I grew up with to be treated equally and not as the 'train conductors daughter' I have never had to experience what black Americans have to on a daily basis. What can we do about this? I don't know anymore, I really don't. 'real life cop stories' seem to always have more blacks than whites being arrested, but how to rid America of racism overt and covert against people of color? Education maybe.
5
How to convince a White Realtor your middle class? Maybe we should bring a white guy with us who could tell the white realtor we are worthy.Maybe our Banker could sign something saying we are a Good Ones!I find the who question insulting. I must convince a realtor who gets six percent of whatever I spend that I am worthy? Should i also take a picture of my current residence to prove to them I am worthy? Any realtor that I would have to jump through these hoops for is not worthy of my business. I guess this White realtor would not get to spend my Green Money!
5
I can't speak to the experiences of a person of color; however, I can speak to being a poor and lower-middle-class female. In my experience, class and the obvious gender markers weigh heavily on the public mind. I have had my head patted as if I were a dumb dog because of gender. I have been talked to as if I have zero education because of clothing. I have been treated as persona non grata at a wealthy white church because I could never belong to the right clubs. Regardless of the situation, they hurt. I can empathize.
That said, I wonder how much of perceived racism is really based in class? This would be interesting to investigate.
6
Yet another article about group versus another group conflict. It would be nice to read about something else. Reporting has been unbalanced for too long. Can we please have some articles, which highlight the accomplishments of people from diverse backgrounds working together for a common goal. This group versus group bickering is NOT who Americans are or who we want to be.
3
Not sure of how to solve this issue, but here are two anecdotes, both relating to my executive experience at a Fortune 500 firm.
1 a trio from the law department met with a trio from my department on a sticky employment / pension matter. The senior guy on my side assumed during the entire course of the meeting that the black female attorney was a secretary there to take notes. This was apparent from his body language and condescending demeanor. He had apparently missed the announcement (that I had seen) that the company had recently hired a Harvard Law, white shoe firm alum. Yes, it was her.
2 the obligatory diversity training course included an exercise where they pass out a dozen mug shot type pics and ask you to match them to bios, which range from ex-con to CEO. Everyone fails miserably, proving that you can’t tell a book by its cover.
Both examples show that people have deep seated biases.
7
There is a revealing moment when Walker Evans and Ralph Ellison were leaving a New York club at the same time and the coat room attendant handed them their identical Burberry raincoats. Evans made a joke about the classic English raincoat. Ellison was quick to point out the difference between his and Evans’s. “You can afford to let yours get old and a little shabby. Mine has to be spotless.”
12
So Blacks have to prove to realtors their worthiness to pay the realtor a commission? Now we have to be taught how to look worthy? How about trying a novel idea I was taught as a child of Proud Black Parents? Don't Spend Your Green Money where you are not respected. Since most realtors cut of a home sale is six percent of the selling price I would think the onus is on the realtor to prove they are worthy of my business. Should we also have a certified copy of our FICO score also? How about convincing them if you are not treated fairly you will espouse them on Social Media?
2
I read an article that states that bias and prejudice are ingrained. Babies are comfortable with people who look like them and less so with people of other nationalities/races if they don't know the person. So it can't be helped.
Nonetheless, people need to be treated equally and fairly. The difficulty is that people make judgments of other people, and we can't expect people to never pre-judge someone even if that pre-judgment is unfair. It's going to happen no matter what because it's part of human nature to act that way. This is not a defense of biased behavior; it's just an acknowledgment that it's a complicated topic.
2
While I agree that people of color bear an undue burden to conform to societal expectations, they are not alone. We are all subject to these expectations. I am a white, 60-something, college professor with a Ph.D. in molecular biology. I teach at a liberal arts college. I also spend a lot of time in weightlifting gyms. My demeanor, language, and dress are very different between these venues. Similarly, when I shop for a men’s suit, I dress and speak like someone who knows how to wear a suit. I find I get better service. Am I being disingenuous? I don’t think so. One presents oneself differently to fit the social expectations of the situation. Certainly, if I were black the pressure would be higher, and I would have to work hard to overcome negative stereotypes. However, if I were to present my gym persona at the college or the men’s store, I would be disadvantaging myself, despite being white.
4
Call it code switching if you like, but others (including white people) often need to convey the same image as described in the article in order to be treated accordingly.
7
I am a white woman. When I take my dogs to the dog park, I wear an ancient muddy jacket and ratty old pants. Sometimes I run into a store on my way home. No one has ever followed me around, asked if I belong there, or behaved as if I were acting suspiciously. As a white person, I don't have to "prove" every day that I have a right to be somewhere.
12
@Been there write back when you show up like that to a Ferrari dealership.
3
This article has two themes, one sympathetic and the other not. The first is that black people encounter real racism regularly and it should stop. The second is that black people should be able to talk in dialect ("black English") and wear sloppy and/or unorthodox clothing ("oversize gold earrings, baggy jeans and designer tennis shoes") and be treated with the same respect as someone in a suit speaking politely, clearly and grammatically. This latter is ridiculous; the unspoken premise is that white people are afforded such deferential treatment. They are not, and this is a regular flaw in black discourse on these topics;' black narrators imagine a world in which 'whiteness' is all-powerful and a white person can get away with murder and still be treated like royalty.
Perhaps Mr. Trump experiences his life like that, but the rest of us certainly do not, and it is disagreeable and even racist to assume counterfactually that we do. White folks who are neither rich nor powerful experience fully the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and while our lot would likely be even worse were we black, which we fully appreciate and deeply regret, it's no utopia.
13
As a white woman, I could wear whatever I want, including rags. and not be treated as my friend would be treated. She dresses well, all the time. It's a darn shame and I'm fully aware of it, thanks to her. When we are out together shopping and I get even a wiff of nonsense directed towards her, I step in and glare. Not on my watch, no you dont treat her like that. We have been sister friends now over 20 years and love one another.
We have had many "talks" and its opened my eyes to the priviledge we white people have that we arent even aware of.
Code switching. I saw that clearly many years ago. In work, ladies talked one way, outside on lunch, another and the relief of shedding the code was palpitative.
Sister friend and I laugh now when out and people of all ethnicities seem a little surprised at our friendship, being together... two women shopping in Costco or the mall. We laugh but we both know how messed up the surprise of it is. Yes we are together in this space, black and white and real friends.
White people please, just listen when a black person shares their experiences and accept it as authentic. Accept too that you are being given a gift.
14
It is a shame in situations like this and others that technology is not yet advanced enough that facial and body recognition software does not provide us with sufficient information to make crucial judgments. I know many women who would like to know whether the man approaching them in a bar has a criminal record or is a threat. In lieu of that, people make judgments based on the information that they have about the individual and the identifiable groups of which that individual might be a part. In the case of the writer's investigatory subjects, it is a shame that 33% of African-American men are in the criminal justice system, and many of them are at the age where they might normally buy a first home. When that rate drops to the rate for whites and Asians, so much prejudice will wither.
2
I'm sure this does happen more with black people, but I remember a white marketing prof in the 1980s telling a story about going into a store to make a big purchase in casual clothing and getting dissed, so he went and spent his money at another store. But casual wear has become pretty universal since the 1980s, so probably store staff have become more wary about making such distinctions, at least with white people.
Several commenters are upset that other commenters are calling the things described in this article a common human experience.
But few of the people saying this are denying that blacks may face bad treatment more frequently. I think we mostly are surprised that the author seems to think the need to signal status is unique to ethnic minorities.
1
I am white, my wife is black and we are both college educated and solidly middle class. This article is painful but helps us understand the phenomena is real!
I remember when our 2nd daughter was born in Saratoga Springs, NY (95% white), from the moment we walked through the door (full contractions) it was clear that the staff assumed that we were poor, uneducated and in a doubtful relationship.
Once people have stereotyped you the effort to reset their mind is almost Herculean but we tried: Medicaid? No, here is our private insurance card. Single? No, married 12 years. Renting? No, home owners. Need a doctor? No, our obstetrician is on her way.
What should have been a life affirming experience became another battle!
Even the day after the birth we were told to watch a disturbing video on baby shaking or we would not be allowed to leave the hospital (later found out that the video is optional but no option was given to us).
We had let our guard down when we were most vulnerable but the racism was still there.
13
Here's a story from the other side -- the side where white people are steered out of minority neighborhoods. 9 years ago my husband and I were looking for a place to rent in LA. On a whim we stopped at a real estate office to ask if they knew of any rentals nearby. We told the agent we were moving to LA in a couple months and would be teaching at a university nearby. He told us that "people like us" don't live in X neighborhood. That's for mechanics and such. "They don't speak your language." "People like you live in Santa Clarita or Steven's Ranch" (white, middle/upper middle class far-away burbs). We said okay and left. My husband was shocked at what happened. I said, "we just experienced racial residential steering." I use that example all the time in my sociology classes. We ended up living in the neighborhood that was not "for people like us" for 3 years. It was a nice, affordable neighborhood with great access to the mountains.
11
Can someone explain what a persons behavior would be like if they were not "code switching".
3
@lisa m
People speak different versions of English based on their linguistic origins, which is why white people in Canada, the Northeast and the South speak differently. The dialect spoken by many African Americans is called Black Vernacular English or African American Vernacular English. As you might imagine, just as with many things connected with blacks in the US, white people have often associated it with ignorance and low intelligence, though in fact it has a complex grammar and obviously has nothing to do with a person's intelligence. In other words, it is stigmatized. Code switching is when middle-class blacks switch to speak with a European dialect of English (standardized English) in order to avoid being stigmatized. In contrast, poorer black people may be more unwilling or unable to comfortably employ the European dialect.
2
I am white and grew up in Westchester County. I have a Master's Degree and have worked in teaching hospitals for my entire career. I no longer consider myself middle class. The people in Westchester and NYC can tell who is and who is not and the color of the skin isn't the deal breaker.
5
You know what they say about assumptions, they make an ___ out of you and me.
No doubt the described phenomenon is real, as a white man I observe it frequently. But, I also see most white people treating others equally and respect. No doubt the unfair treatment is draining and we should all call it out. But, let's also draw energy from the good interactions - or even just embrace that they happen much of the time. After all, what happens most of the time becomes the norm - what we all expect. And pushing deviance towards the norm is much more effective than trying to change norms.
3
I'm white yet short (5' 7"). I have a PhD yet am still often assumed to be dumb, because I don't have the good sense to be tall. I will say that people showed me more respect, before I grew a beard. I'm affluent, but the beard seems to make people think I am not.
I'm sure black people suffer from judgement than white people escape. I'm not trying to argue against that, but white people still judge white people on attire. I have torn jeans that cost 850 dollars and sneakers that cost 700 dollars, but, if I were applying for an apartment, I'd still wear a dress shirt and dress shoes, even if they cost less than my designers sneakers. I wouldn't wear a 600 dollar Rick Owens tee over 900 dollar Balmain jeans with 1200 pre-destroyed Margiela sneakers. I'd wear something cheaper that looks more preppy.
35
@Anti-Marx
Torn jeans that cost $850? Really?
23
@Anti-Marx Unbelievable. There is no comparison between the experience of a black individual and in particular, a black man (like me) and a white individual regardless of your height. In a society that just adopted access to civil rights for blacks no longer than 56 years ago (less than an individuals' lifetime), has suffered from continued institutional racism (U.S. incarceration of black men, for example), and that is groomed in the an aura of white supremacy both blatant and subtle (the granting of civil rights does not alter people's beliefs and misconceptions or the spreading of those beliefs and misconceptions to their children), the severity of the discrimination and the pervasiveness of the discrimination is so profound that to compare your experience as a short person (short white men are not more likely to be incarcerated, were never slaves in their own country, and never needed to die for civil rights) is provincial at best and harmful at worst.
64
@Jsailor
...conspicuous consumption run amok
16
I have no doubt that what Ms. Gonzales experienced is fairly common place. Setting aside race we are frequently judged by others based upon our personal drag (apparel) and ts style or lack thereof, the car we are driving, the level of our command of the English language, marital status and gender. Being a person of color especially a black person puts a whole other layer of suspicion and judgement placed upon them by many white people. I don't know what the answer is either than for black people consciously experiencing that in the moment to speak up or speak with the person in charge. The more we let slip by these incidents the longer it is going to take for us to stop this racism.
1
1) Don't say you are getting a HFA loan. 2) Don't look poor. 3) Don't act poor.
1
A few years ago, while traveling through LAX airport in a wheelchair, I was having a conversation with the young, Black, wheelchair driver. I am white. He was very fine-spoken and was studying at a local community college. I am white. He was very impressive, and I was certain that he had a fine career before him. As we arrived at our destination, I asked if I could make a recommendation for him, and asked that he not take offense at it. Curious, he agreed, and listened. I said that he gave an excellent impression and could really go far. However, his use of the word "aks" for "ask" and other such words would inhibit his chances. Otherwise, he spoke perfectly. Others here have referred to "Black English," and we could debate whether this is a dialect or whatever, and why it is spoken. There is proper English, and people who speak it, Black, White or Whatever, will get ahead sooner than those who do not. All Black newscasters speak proper English. Black fellow citizens can speak proper English if they wish, and that will help them advance. It is not discrimination, I believe, but simply a desire to have whatever company hires them be represented in a proper English format. Decades ago, people referred to Brooklynese, and certainly people who spoke it and used it were not speaking a proper form of English, and could expect problems in rising in their jobs or professions. The young chap was not offended, and he saw that I was trying to help him advance. I was glad to help.
9
@Francis Walsingham You did not help. And you have no idea if he was offended or not because as a worker, he was not free to tell you to shut up and mind your own business. Let people be. Stop forcing them to speak and act and dress and behave like you. He should not have to change his speaking patterns to have a good career. Mind your own business and stop "helping" people. You are not helping at all. Let people live and talk and dress as they want to and embrace all the differences that come with it. The world would be so boring if everyone was just like you or me or whomever. Let people be!
6
@Francis Walsingham
You don't find what you said as racist? What about people with eastern European ascents? Maybe you could teach then proper English after you teach them to wear a suit also. Really!!
7
This piece makes several good points, but with regard to home shopping, if you don't do the pre-approval you won't be taken seriously regardless of your skin color.
Realtors work on commission; they're not spending their weekends showing houses because it's what they love to do with their free time. So -- get the pre-approval, sign all the disclosure paperwork and agreements with the realtor, and then chances are very good that you will be taken seriously, even if you're not high-income.
If you just call a realtor up on a Sunday morning cold, don't want to give any information about yourself, and want to see a million-dollar house for fun, you might not be their highest priority - and that is not necessarily racial discrimination.
7
@Tom B. Not my experience. Realtors have always taken me seriously, pre-approval not needed.But then I am white and present as fairly bossy and no nonsense.
3
Well, one way would to actually be middle class. It worked for me.
6
That people react to how others dress, the language they use and their overall demeanor is nothing new and isn't confined to race relations. A shabbily dressed person walking into a BMW dealership isn't going to be taken as seriously as someone who's wearing designer clothes. That clothes aren't necessarily indicative of wealth is known, but people are going to take their cues where they can get them.
13
I realize that reality trumps the ideal, but it strikes me that how you “...present yourself in the white world and you present yourself in the black world as yourself,” is an unfortunately necessary compromise. It is a sad statement that a black person, or really anyone, must so negatively strive to adapt to warring social ideals.
It seems to me, after all, that in an ideal society, two different “worlds” would be a puzzling anachronism. Were people treated evenly and fairly, the two cultures would be parts of one larger culture. All of the cultural influences blacks have contributed to American culture should be subjects of study by Academics, but otherwise unremarkable features of the larger culture. Irish immigrants, as an example, suffered significant bias against what were essentially religious and economic characteristics of their culture, yet those biases have been largely erased in practice and Irish origins are not seen as cultural deal breakers any longer, as the larger culture has incorporated the smaller into the American melting pot.
Certainly skin color bias has made this difficult for blacks and others, but at some point shouldn’t we resolve to get past that? That we haven’t is, or ought to be, our national embarrassment. It isn’t a perfect world, unquestionably, yet I do not yearn for a multicultural ideal. The influence of other cultures indeed makes us richer, but does so by adding. Separateness is a subtraction, and should not be our aim.
3
I am shocked but certainly not surprised at most of these comments. Black people are discriminated against because of stereotypes, racism and the foundation this country is built upon. This is a fact. It is appalling that a black patron of a hotel would have to sign a "no party" agreement while other patrons are not subjected to this same treatment. It is also appalling that non-Black citizens still question the lived experiences of Black citizens or try to say "we all experience the same things in different ways."
Furthermore, while I understand that we may be judged (rightly or wrongly) based on our clothing, accessories and the like, it is foolish to think that the inner qualities of any person can be known based upon their exterior. For someone to think that a man in a Brioni suit is automatically "better than" a man in painter's overalls or a sweatsuit is foolish and a huge problem in our society. Read or watch "American Psycho" or learn about Ted Bundy and perhaps you will begin to understand where I am going with this line of thinking. We must get to know people before we discount them, and being dressed up in a shiny package does not automatically guarantee that they are a quality or even decent human being. One's skin color is in no way a designator of anything other than the amount of melanin in the skin. Period.
15
I am a person of indeterminate ethnicity with a bit more melanin than your average white person.
I have been discriminated against by white people, black people and brown people. And probably a few others as well, but I wasn't paying attention, thank heavens.
I was on my way to pick up my son from preschool (for which I paid handsomely), which was located in the basement of the church containing the local food pantry. A woman walking towards me told me that the food pantry was already closed.
Local shop assistants and some kids at my son's elementary school assumed I was his babysitter.
Some blacks seem to assume that I am an uppity you-know-what and treat me with rudeness and contempt.
I have been followed in shops. I have been treated as invisible in queues. I have even been told to "go back to where" I came from when I objected.
I'm not sure what I can do anything to deflect this behavior on the part of the rest of the world, and it does induce stress.
This micro - and frankly outright - aggression does take a toll on a person's health. The black community in America has a higher than average incidence of high blood pressure and stress-related illnesses and the medical community behaves as though it is correlated to genetics. Guess which country has the lowest average blood pressure. Nigeria.
(For the record, my blood pressure is high.)
14
If all of my information on theses matters came from the New York Times--including, especially, the opinion columns and responses to them--I would think that everyone is virtuous, fair, and right thinking. Except, of course, for those nefarious white people! There is no end to the ways in which they wreck our lives and do us wrong.
Seriously, folks, If you examine your own biases, preferences (those are two different things!), and behavior toward and expectations of others, you will find that no one is perfect. No one is without contradiction. No one is without their own experience.
Before you auto-condemn people who may not be friendly to you, maybe you should realize that their lives may not revolve around how what they do or don't do affects you. Mostly they are living their lives with or without you; whichever is the least bother. It probably isn't personal or racial.
But different? Yes, most people (of all stripes) are more comfortable with people who they can assume will live like they do. I am one of those people. I spent half of my life in the city; was nearly the only white guy in several black neighborhoods (no, I wasn't a gentrifier). A few people liked me; many, including kids, gave the hate stare; most ignored me, even after many years.
Now I live in a working-class, mostly white suburb. There are areas (no, not slummy) that have been home to suburban black people for generations. We all enjoy the quiet (no blasting music), the civility, the low crime.
11
Remember you are what you wear and how you speak! Good first impressions last a long time!
14
@Brains
One most definitely is NOT "what you wear".
Don't judge a book by its cover.
1
In the world of High Functioning Autism we call this sort of pretending “masking.” Historically, at least for the last generation or so, many people with Autism have been through Applied Behavior therapy, which essentially is masking training.
.
It certainly seems to me that society has certain norms, and the neurotypical, cisgendered, heterosexual white male being the closest to that norm. It’s a long list; not just limited to whites.
4
Nonsense, everyone whatever color or creed has to put on their best face outside the house, every group has their "homeboy" language - and their "white" language" - but sorry the "white" language is the language of commerce and civil norms and brings us together as a nation - stop thinking about it as "White" so much as commonly accepted and everyone will do just fine.
23
I understand from many friends of colour (Asian, South Asian, African, Hispanic, etc.) that regular interactions with racism are normal for them. I think what many white people are reacting to is not (entirely) disbelief, rather shame that these occurrences are so common and ingrained in so many people. I can certainly attest to that feeling. It never ceases to bother me that people remain so petty, about appearances - whether the colour of a person's skin, or their attire. I agree that we should listen to anyone who has experienced racism, just as we should believe victims of sexual assault. We were not there to observe, so we need to accept those experiences as being real. As a white person myself I understand that many other white people simply do not want to accept that these thing still go on in the 21st century, because it destroys their (however naive) view of their 'just' world, and that, I think, is the reason for their reticence on the matter, not that they think it is acceptable behaviour. Until the Black Lives Matter movement I was unaware that so many people of colour were harassed by the police - How would you know without observing it firsthand? I think that we should all try to listen to each other more, and try to dispense with preconceptions (regardless of where they come from or who they are about) if we are to build a better, more just society. I for one would like to see a world where no one needs to put on a public face.
8
So the lesson is speak well and racism dramatically recedes. All good.
7
@Patrick
Didn't read the whole article, eh?
4
On Real estate - Rather simple, everyone should have to complete a basic set of forms with financial disclosures, credit report and back up information. In Manhattan the real estate board provides all these forms. The department of State then requires everyone to sign a disclosure agreement stating who are you (as a broker) is representing.
All offers should be made on a standard form.
If you can't provide a pre-approval letter or a basic bank letter stating your ability to pay, then it becomes rather difficult for any broker to take a buyer seriously.
I really don't care what you do look like. I've sold multi million dollar apartments to clients that smelled like a pot testing farm and were clothes with more holes than fabric. I had a bank letter and their credit report. All I care as a broker is that you are financially qualified to obtain a mortgage and finalize the sale.
Also, if you are a broker - you must document your interactions. Always show the house and apartment. If the buyer requests a second appointment then you should request proof of funds - it should be requested from EVERYONE that requests a second appointment.
1
@DS
I have a trust fund and no job. When I rented my place in Manhattan, I had to run hither and yon to provide documentation of my ability to pay. Then, my credit was below 700. Now it's closer to 800. If I had my current credit score, renting would have required less footwork. I'm white and grad school educated. My guess is that a high credit score (over 750) is the best asset a person can have. Are these microaggressions occurring with people who have a 750+ credit score?
5
I worked with an African American nurse by chance one summer. I’m White. We’ve been friends ever since, over 20 years. She lives on one side of the country and I live on another, but we meet periodically.
I see her be discriminated against. I’ve witnessed it first hand and it makes me sick. Once we were going across one of the toll bridges of NYC in her rental car and we were stopped because the rental car’s pass had expired. She was treated and questioned endlessly by the toll officer. I felt the humiliation. Another time we were going through customs between AZ and Mexico, walking. She got stopped, her bag examined, questioned. I just nonchalantly walked through and across, not being stopped, no examination, no questions. We went to a museum in NYC together one time. She was requested to “get rid” of her bottled water, escorted to the garbage, like a child. I just stood by so embarrassed for her.
Guess what! My friend has masters degree education. She probably makes more money than most people in this country.
I have undergrad, still even today. She knows and speaks several languages. I speak English..only. She has worked in foreign countries. I have never used my passport. I could go on and on....
Anyone think color has nothing to do with stereotyping? Please step up.
195
@MIMA Your example is so utterly depressing. At least you're with her for morale support and a good sounding board after these crazy incidents occur.
11
@MIMA Thanks for sharing your observations, so often unknown by white folk. Be an ally, speak up when you notice racism. You can calmly and clearly call people out when you observe it.
27
@Krystle.Klear
My two teenage daughters were with us, and a New York niece of my friend’s, in the backseat.
I spoke at the toll booth to the officer. He was arrogant, made fun of me, too, basically in so many words asking me where I was from (Wisconsin), as he recognized my Midwestern accent, and questioned what I was doing there. It was the 4th of July weekend.
I felt I wanted to say something in support, to let my daughters know I was unafraid, but my friend touched my sleeve, in caution I should not speak further.
It’s like the whole thing happened yesterday, even though it was quite a few years ago. An awful, discriminatory memory. Ignorance in the making - that’s what my daughters saw and experienced....
21
This is also true with people of various though less visible ethnic identities. Those in such groups might consider their experience, then multiply it to try to understand how stereotypes affect more visibly diverse people, especially those who are black and Latinx.
1
Interesting article and I have seem variations of this frequently.
Years ago in Montreal my very white roommate came home and changed into a suit and tie to go out.
What's up - Dinner with the boss?
No - I am going to look at cars and you get treated better if you are dressed in a suit and tie.
I work in construction and engineering and many times had to explain things to mostly white Southerners about various work aspects.
More that once I was told some variation of "Just because I speak slowly with an accent does not make me stupid!"
A few years ago in a restaurant in Breckenridge I saw some poor , frankly rude, customer service directed at a black female customer. She , rightly, complained. The server behaved as a a typical ski town jerk service employee. I have no idea of what motivated his behavior but I see it all the time there.
I really sympathize with the woman and thought how painful it must be to have every interaction filtered through the matrix of " is it me" or is he just a jerk to everyone. It must be exhausting.
10
" that guests were required to sign a two-page “no party” agreement in order to check in"
And why does such an agreement exist?
5
@JDK Because people rent hotel rooms and have parties.
We rented a room in Jersey City last Fall and they displayed a big sign that said that if your home address was "local" whatever that means, you'd be asked to sign a "no-party" agreement.
7
I completely understand the gist of this piece. Much in life is patently unfair.
In "shopping" for property today, it is common to pre-qualify, to financially demonstrate that you can afford the property you are viewing.
Cuba Gooding Jr. said it best in the movie, Jerry Maguire, "Show me the money."
Do that and realtors will be calling you up for your business.
1
@Christopher Robin Jepson
Pre qualifying for a mortgage should not be necessary to simply be shown for sale properties. Usually one does not pre qualify until one is getting close to a decision.
7
I have seen this type of discrimination at a restaurant (chipotle’s) while in line to pay. The two dark skinned Indian men ahead of me paid with a debit card and the clerk asked to see their IDs. When it was my turn to pay I also swiped my debit card and no one asked to see my ID or even sign the receipt.
6
Black people aren't the only group that uses different "masks" when they interact with different groups of people. Every group does this to some degree.
15
Let's not kid ourselves. The article demonstrates that there are still reasons for laws and the tort bar. If the consequences of stupid behavior are high enough, the behaviors will change and beliefs do follow behavior. It takes a long time, it has been a long time but not long enough yet.
A final note. The hotel in Portland, Oregon is so unlike Portland. Wow.
2
In any interaction with people who don't know you, you must provide them with the clues to place you where you want to be. White people are always advised on how they should present themselves. I'm sure that blacks have it worse, since the popular "norm" for them is worse than it is for many whites. Like blacks, I speak very differently with my intimates than I do with people who know me less well. Many times I could be taken for an ignorant yahoo when chatting with my friends, even though my command of language is much better than that brief listen might suggest.
5
I wish your headline didn't focus on realty, because in reality, this article is about 'living while black and making white people comfortable'.
4
What is that hotel in Portland, Org? Want to be sure I never stay there.
3
I find that when I am flying, when I wear a sportcoat I am treated much better than when I wear a tee shirt and cargo pants, by everyone.
8
Just knowing what I experience being FEMALE is enough to make me realize how unrelenting, infuriating and exhausting it must be for my non 'white' brothers and sisters to deal with these insidious biases and racist behaviors.
13
True about white people and grubbies. An aging middle-class white guy like me can dress in raggedy sweats and walk into the snootiest shop in East Hampton and get fawned over because they obviously think I'm rich because I'm white and it's East Hampton. (I don't buy anything, except once when I found a t-shirt on sale for $3.49.) Even on the street there in summertime some young thing will bat eyelashes at my sorry old carcass, figuring maybe to marry me and then race me upstairs. If I were black and dressed like I dress I doubt any of this would happen, and the shopkeeper would probably call the cops.
11
@Archer
If you're wearing sweats on a weekday, it looks like you're so rich you don't have to work.
Hotel and motel rooms in East Hampton start around 500 a night (in season). Even the cheap motels. It costs so much to stay in South Fork, that anyone kicking around there is presumed to be affluent.
It depends on the grubbies. Nowadays, the trust fund kid uniform is jogging pants, a tee shirt, running shoes, and wayfarer sunglasses (all designer of course).
Old sweats are not the same as baggy pants, Timberland boots, and an oversized tee, which is Blood/Crip uniform. These distinctions matter. Looking like a Crip is not the same as looking dressed-down.
3
Given the enduring nature of racism, Black people have to continue to work with each other to the greatest extent possible. When house hunting, I hired a Black realtor who I had known for a long time as a buyers agent.
6
Why would a real estate agent prejudge someone if they are black? They are turning down a potential customer- that just seems to be bad business practices. Do successful Real Estate agents prejudge black clients or only semi successful ones?
It is a competitive world out there, one should not look a gift horse in the mouth.
1
I do believe that this happens, for I have to deal with it for years a woman. I get more respect out in the world, more courtesy from strangers , if I am dressed well than if I am running around in shorts and a sweat shirt or tank top. I once was looking at a new car and a sales person walked over and told me I had good taste and where was my husband? If I were really interested, and my spouse was around, then we could talk. I can't write here my response to the sexist jerk. I don't know how many times I have dealt with this brand of sexism: the need the hubby/man to complete a transaction syndrome.
So, my point: this happens to a lot of us based on race, ethnicity, gender, you name it. It isn't fair but people judge others on how they look, how they dress, how they talk, etc.,.
6
Here's the difference: as another commenter mentioned earlier, she can put on reading glasses, dress in a suit, etc., to change the way others may perceive her. People of color are people of color. They cannot camouflage their skin color. And the real point is that they should never have to.
9
@Mallory
"this happens to a lot of us based on race, ethnicity, gender, you name it. It isn't fair but people judge others on how they look, how they dress, how they talk, etc.,."
Mallory the article makes the point that bad service happens to Blacks despite dressing well and talking without using Black culture specific memes, or mannerisms.
2
I am a middle class white woman who favors older shirts and jeans, sandals in the summer. For years I lived mostly on my Social Security disability income and had modest savings. I never faced such discrimination, but I bet I would have if I were not white. I'm pleased to now live in a newer, somewhat mixed race neighborhood with blacks and some Asians though it is mostly white.
5
While sympathetic, I am disturbed and dismayed at the description of using standard English as 'appropriating white, middle class norms'......the primary purpose of language in social interaction is to facilitate effective communication.....discouraging such a tool by labeling it 'appropriation' is the kind of divisive advice we should be doing our best to limit.....
20
@Dennis Holland
........said the white guy.
The subject of this article could be applied to all people in many circumstances. People judge you by what you have and what you wear. You are also judged by your diction and vocabulary. This happens with white people as well as blacks. I don't doubt that people of color have a much, much harder time. Nevertheless, skin color not withstanding, going into a luxury boutique in raggedy clothing is not going to get you serious attention by the sales staff. Haven't you ever heard a Harvard educated politician speak to a working class crowd? As they speak, the final G is very often dropped This wouldn't happen at the UN. It's an attempt to fit in and be accepted. If you're having someone come to your home to give you an estimate, do not have luxury cars in your driveway. Much of this is of a piece. Your appearance and demeanor precede you. I wonder if the example of the hotel that was given in this article had anything to with the writer's age at the time. Ageism on either end of the spectrum is rampant. But, that's for another article.
7
I'm a former resident of Portland OR. Portlandia is a myth, & keeping Portland Weird includes keeping it white. Black people of this purportedly liberal bastion have been pushed to the outskirts, with little public transit, crummy housing and few jobs. Blacks seen around the city's so-called "front yard", Pioneer Square, are few, and mostly homeless. As a white person working in economic development I saw and heard first-hand the second-class assumptions whites there make about people of color because they assumed I thought like they did. Segregation and exclusion is alive and well in Portland and throughout OR. Extremists including the KKK still have a visible presence. In 1844 the Oregon territory required any Blacks living there to leave. The OR constitution explicitly forbid black people to live there. The "lash law" said black people would be publicly whipped every 6 months, up to 39 lashes, until they left the state. In 1923 ORs Klan was the largest in the U.S. - amazing for a state with a low population. Pro-slavery statutes were not removed from the state constitution until 1926. Other racist language was not removed from the state constitution until 2002. Because wealth, economics and politics in Portland and throughout OR are controlled by Whites, it's not likely to change soon, if at all. The Black population of Oregon is 1.91%; Whites are 84.42%.
8
@Pathfox
I recently just learned about OR's very racist history. I had no idea, and when I brought this up to a family friend, he didn't believe me!
1
I feel in many situations people are always trying to stick you in a box. I am black and I was born in the United States but I am not African American. I am a first generation immigrant. My family are from the Caribbean and Europe ( Yes their are blacks in Europe) . I speak English period. There is no racial attributions as to the way I sound. So sounding white or black means absolutely nothing to me. I have had my cousins described as “those African-Americans from Britain.” Apparently you can’t just be a black person from Britain or Sweden. Everyone makes makes assumptions on how you dress, the way you talk and how you carry yourself. But race seems to override everything in this country and being black comes with an atrocious set of preconceptions . Everyone one is assigning you to behaviors that are more a reflection of them than they are of you. We need to get to a point in this country where we give everyone the benefit of the doubt and use the golden rule of treating people with the same respect and dignity that you would like to be treated.
16
The article made me think of the movie, "Sorry to Bother You" (Boots Riley), where a young black male gets a job as a telemarketer, puts on a "white" accent, and becomes wildly successful.
3
My grandparents had to deal with in your face racism in NYC. They found a small home in a integrated community failaay with the GI bill . He fought in a segregated military and had to take care of the white boys because he was a minority.
The community was comprised of decent working individuals who had character, compassion and made NYC the melting pot of the world. not the chosen few of arrogance
Its difficult enough to have to be around white people in the work place, always entitled to a seat on the subways, the est
best schools etc. The home is your castle and most of us don't want to be around white folks when we get home. We have plenty of racism daily to not have to explain ourselves to our white neighbors when we might do something different than them. Yale white girl calling the police because a black student was in the lounge area after hrs. Or the little girl selling water at 5 without a permit.
Black people dont need to explain their paychecks and worth to anyone that is why there is the law to go after bankers, real estate agents who think this is white 1800's
5
What are you going to rent a cheap apartment? You gotta be rich to afford a house now.
It is interesting that the author differentiates “Black English” from “standard English”. There is much that could be examined and challenged in that phraseology; but on a very basic level, it is an example of the subtle ways inferiority is innocuously presented and then absorbed into the fabric of society so that it is accepted that the privileged culture determines what is “standard” and those who don’t adhere to it are “othered” and deemed “substandard”.
2
How does Ms. Lacy define "middle class?" How does one look "middle class?" Is "middle class" in New York State the same as "middle class" in Virginia, or Florida? Labels. Lots about real estate in the NY Times this week.
1
I’m a Latino living in The Bronx, dress “properly,” treat people correctly, speak correctly (to my own understanding, and with a heavy accent) and just try to mind my own business and be correctly.
Never had a problem, never detained once by the large number of police cars patrolling the 46th Precinct.
“Como te ven te tratan,” or “how they see you, they treat you.”
7
An Indian friend, who now works as an analyst for a brokerage firm, once travelled in grubbies. He was unshaven, too. Politely put, he was hassled by TSA and subjected to extra checking and almost missed his flight. He now travels in only suit and tie.
3
The fact that Ms Gonzalez filed a lawsuit does not prove anything. Do we even know that the front desk clerk was white? Maybe one clerk is diligent about having everyone sign the form and another never requires it.
The advantage of being white in this context is knowing that some people are just incompetent or jerks. Every white person has been ignored by a waiter or a cab driver or been treated rudely in a store, or had a neighbor complain about something or other.
I recently ignored a black guy trying to sell me a CD and he said “don’t be afraid of black people”. He didn’t know that I also ignored the white kids on the next block trying to talk to me about Greenpeace.
Let’s stop reading each other’s minds and work on real discrimination.
11
White people are actually free to live in the neighborhoods they want, around the kind of cultures and behavior that they find themselves most comfortable. This is, in fact, not a crime against the god of Morality. To be White, and to like White custom, is not immoral or disgraceful. My God. This is a conquest by way of Weeping.
4
You know....there really is a point at which all of this gets ridiculous. Are people stereotyped? Yes. Are 'young people' (regardless of race) stereotyped? Yes. Men as a whole? Yes.
Is the world and its peoples 'perfect'? No. Should we want it to be? I say 'No'.
Articles such as this, and what it seems to suggest as the ideal, are too black and white (pun intended). Also, it's actually dangerous...what this story is implying. It's basically suggesting that all/most white people are racist, and that all/most black folk are 'victims'.
Also, what does it mean when you say that many black folk 'present themselves one way in the white world and one way in the black world'? This very statement implies that black folk, in general, tend to dress, speak and behave in a way that is 'lower class'. It also implied the converse...that most white folk, in general, dress, speak and behave more 'upper class'. When in fact, it runs the gamut in both racial groups.
Once again, this is not so much about race as it is about economic and social status. Even poor white folk know that (if they are 'smart') they will need to dress and behave differently, if they want to be taken seriously, or treated a certain way, in particular environments such as restaurants, stores, etc.
11
It has nothing to do with racism but stereotyping. I used to get that all the time, when I was buying a home, and I wore hippie clothes and drive a $500 old bomb car. The real estate agent would ask me if I had any money; so condescending and you shouldn't judge a book by its cover as appearances don't account for much. I still get it in other places when buying something; I get treated shoddily and I always pay my bills. Humans are shallow, fickle people where they judge people by their appearances and the way they talk. Have you ever noticed that criminals always turn up in court dressed in suits! And conservatively dressed!
3
For those of you not understanding what happened to Ms. Gonzales, the point is she was required to submit to a legal process (that others were not) in order to obtain a hotel room, simply because of her skin color.
She was burdened because of the suspicions on behalf of hotel management. Had they required all patrons to submit to such legal process, then it would have been okay. But whites were given a pass, simply because they were perceived as white.
It is wrong.
For those who do not believe housing discrimination exists, read American Apartheid by D. Massey and N. Denton (Chapter 2 is sufficient).
Read Family Properties by Beryl Satter, to see how middle and working class Blacks faced discrimination in home ownership and lending prevented them from accumulating wealth.
11
"...they would strategically deploy cultural capital, including language, mannerisms, clothing and credentials — in ways that brought their middle-class status firmly into focus". Heck, I'm white and I do that. Everyone has to put on a public face to shape the perceptions of the people around them. This kind of thinking is in no way exclusive to black people.
13
Its like two sprinters competing in two adjacent windtunnels, the white one has the wind against his back and the black one has wind blowing on his chest.
Hopefully things will change in a generation.
3
It's easy to dismiss the stories of Black Americans as overwrought, as misunderstandings of ordinary procedings, as just the way it is with everybody.
I like the naïveté of such a statement, which exists apart from the experience of Black Americans, few (if any) who dispute these stories as overwrought, as misunderstandings, or as normal operations for everybody.
Let me just ask the question: would any of these brave souls who declare the words of Black Americans dismissable as simply misunderstandings or emotional reactions want to be Black for a week and do the same actions they do right now?
Be Black and go shopping at the stores you shop at now. Be Black and go shopping for a car. Be Black and go to the emergency room. Be Black and be pregnant, or be Black and give birth. Be Black and open-carry. Be Black and go to your usual restaurants. Be Black and go to your church or temple. Be Black and take a knee at a football game. Be Black and be president.
Anyone want to do it? Even with the promise of going back to your ordinary life, white and normal and good?
14
Any day of the week...If I can look like Will Smith...as opposed to say Mickey Rooney!
2
@Stephen Matlock
One can both acknowledge your point here and think the substance of this article is rubbish. I don't subscribe to the view that an argument can't be questioned when published by a person of color. Shoddy thinking and analysis is a scourge for us all.
2
I am a middle class white woman in late middle age. One day I was working on my house in very grungy clothes and had to go downtown to get some supplies. I didn't bother changing into something clean and presentable. I was surprised and delighted to be left alone by the panhandlers who line the block near my hardware store. Guess they thought I was as bad off as them.
Seriously, I became personally aware of the issue for black people when I hired a number of contractors to work on my house and paid them with checks. The only one my bank called me to verify was to a black man.
5
Back in the 1970's, my parents were among those who tested the real estate market, sending in reports of how they were treated and whether or not they were shown homes in particular neighborhoods; they were the "sample" middle-class white people. Black couples in the same test group were consistently treated less professionally, shown homes in poorer neighborhoods, and *not* shown homes in wealthier white neighborhoods. This kind of testing needs to be done again, done consistently, and done in all major markets -- and those real estate agents and agencies who can be shown to have discriminated discriminate should lose their licenses and be shut down. Nothing less will make any difference.
142
There are great cultural differences in lingo, formality and personal presentation which are often considered perplexing to others even in a great diverse metropolis like New York City. What the author does not mention is the entrenched spatial segregation which can make communities seem like worlds apart even when adjacent. What is the effect of schooling, parents and mentors in bridging these cultural divides.
My family grew up in an middle class neighborhood. We were the only African American family for blocks. We had wonderful neighbors, who welcomed us. Still, my parents made it clear that "we represented them" and that our behavior and dress needed to be of the highest standard so as not to fulfill any stereotypes that our neighbors might have held, nor attract any unwanted attention from authorities, police or otherwise.
One time my brother came home in a fancy sweatsuit, he was so excited about it. My dad spent an hour in the garage with him explaining how he couldn't wear that sweatsuit, because it would not reflect well upon him or our family, and would make him a possible target for police and other authorities. My father would not allow him to embody a stereotype.
Another incident: Our elementary school closed down and the building was purchased and became the local Jewish Community Center. We would stand in front of our former school and wait for our bus to the middle school. One night, someone threw rocks in the windows of the school. The janitor -- with no evidence, eye witness, nothing -- accused my brothers (the most harmless chaps you could possibly imagine) of this vandalism. My parents immediately met with the authorities of the JCC. They advised them of our family's longstanding presence in the community and at that very school, and questioned the singling out of my two brothers over all others. The accusation was dropped.
We had many lessons of this nature.
10
I'm a real estate agent in a diverse community. A community that actually played a central role in fair housing legislation with the Jones vs Mayer case. So yes, I have seen discrimination in my field. However, I'd like to point out a few things from my daily experience:
1) In this market, many of my fellow realtors are black. And I have seen them discriminate as well, usually steering "good" buyers to better neighborhoods. Often because they live in those neighborhoods themselves.
2) When I do a showing, I am not only giving you my time, I am also risking my personal safety. So if I ask questions about you and your financial viability, it does NOT have anything to do with race. I have a fiduciary responsibility to my sellers to only access their home with qualified buyers, so I HAVE to ask more about you or I'm not doing my job. Everybody gets the same questions.
3) Along that same vein, when I'm holding an open house, I am assessing potential buyers on behalf of my sellers, because that's who I legally represent. So if you show up wearing rags or driving a broken down car, I will wonder if you have the financial means to buy this house, and it won't have anything to do with your skin color. White people come to open houses looking like bums all the time and I have the same concerns.
Not everything boils down to racism. And there are MANY good realtors who treat EVERYONE with the same respect.
232
@shstl Great points! So long as everyone gets the same treatment, there should be no problem with how you treat potential buyers. Unfortunately, this isn't usually the case.
75
@shstl I appreciate the points you laid out. And while you may justify the reasons that you may ask certain questions or behave in certain ways they too may have discriminatory impact even if that was not your intent (financial viability questions are not a real proxy by which you can assess safety). I would like to note that being a "good" realtor does not preclude someone from being discriminatory. If we can get to a place where we separate discrimination and racism from ideas of good and bad people we may inevitably be able to make progress on these perpetually vexing issues.
37
@Jay D Part of the problem is that usually you don't get to see how others are treated, which Ms Gonzales did and the bias was obvious.
On the other hand, people's moods change all through the days and weeks - so if you catch someone after their child wrecked the family car, you might get attitude not normally received.
20
Yes, racism still clearly exists in our society.
But lingo, jargon, acronyms, etc, however, exist in every field as do codes of apparel. People use them as a way of establishing superiority/dominance over others. In real estate in particular -- a field which requires little skill or academic credentials -- the "professionals" use language as a way of proving themselves as "experts".
Then there is the issue of dress and accent as a way of communicating about class. Woman have historically learned to speak with less of an accent than men, as they are more often concerned about projecting an impression of belonging to the "right class". Working class accents have been, and continue to be, discriminated against in education and society no matter the color of the speaker.
The term "code switching" may have been created by people of color, but the act itself has been around for hundreds if not thousands of years.
1
A lot of these comments read like the flip side of "not all white people', "not just black people."
White people (including me) need to quit jumping in to say it's not only about race, it happens to me too, of course people react to how you dress and speak...etc. All these responses just deflect us from listening to the experiences of black people and asking ourselves what we could do about the situation.
352
@Sue Some white people, in order to boost their cred as fully woke, need to stop telling other white people what they can and can’t say. Maybe “it’s not only about race” and maybe it does “happen to me, too.” Maybe being hypersensitive isn’t the best way to be happy and move smoothly through life.
21
@Sue Parry Thank you Sue. Your comment is spot on. I've subscribed to NYT for years and any time there is a story on how race impacts black Americans the comments sections are identical. Please NYT readers, acknowledge black people are treated differently. It is true. Ironically, these are the same commenters who want us to go full throttle for the democratic party but refuse to see their own hypocrisy. It's empathy. Acknowledge it. Full stop.
36
@Sue Parry I completely agree.Thank you!
16
As an African American, white collar professional, the code switching occurs as I put my hand on the door to my office. I am married to a Caucasian man from one of the Midwest. After a decade of marriage, he still cannot understand why I do not like to go out wearing jeans and sneakers; or why I never go to the airport looking like I just rolled out of my bed and lastly, why I do not go “casual” until bed time. How you are initially perceived has a direct effect on the type of service and respect you will experience. As I get older, sometimes I just do not feel like “dealing” with this insanity while not at work. I will order my groceries; clothing and even art supplies on line, minimizing my direct social interaction with other people. Anyone that says race does not matter needs to ask a friend, colleague or lover of color about the necessity of “code switching” as it is a torturous survival mechanism, preventing the extinction of one’s dreams and aspirations.
375
@Rose I am Indian and married to a Caucasian woman. Same things come up for us. I have to look a certain way when I leave the house, especially for the airport (I’m also Muslim). In a way it was nice to see I’m not the only one, but also frustrating.
110
@Alan P Sanders
Heartily second that. I am Indian as well and married to a Caucasian,hold two masters degrees and am a chem engineering degree as well,all from major ivy league schools. And yet I get the treatment from white waitresses even, who seem to think my wife is better placed to order for me. She often puts them in their place by ignoring them and asking me what I would like,as if we were talking to each other while we ignore the waitress, concluding with a that's it to each other before handing out menus back.
4
@Rose
I think you give other people too much power over you. If you want to wear jeans wear jeans. Stop trying to fit in and live your life.
6
The difficulty with this article is that it relies on a set of assumptions that white people don't do the same things. This is explicit in some places, e.g., when the interview subject says "I imagine that white people don't do the same things." Was there any attempt to find out whether white people do the same things?
I'm white, and I've certainly had people make judgments about my capacity to buy a house or a car (or even a vacuum cleaner, during one memorable instance) based on the way that I was dressed. I also make a point of 'performing competence' as a way of overcoming those judgments.
I hope this is not a reflection of the actual research. To show that these elements differ according to the races, you actually have to do the empirical work. You can't study just the experience of blacks and combine that with unverified assumptions about the experiences of whites.
3
Once I left an evening event with a black friend. She stepped out to hail a cab for the two of us--two consecutive cabs whizzed by, didn't even slow down. I stepped out and had a cab in seconds. We were both silent on the ride back downtown. As white person, I had just witnessed what black people go through daily in innumerable interactions. It is a world that to many white people, living behind our shield of innocence (the innocence James Baldwin refers to), must be unreal--to be disbelieved, dismissed--but that world is very much there and real. We need to listen.
434
@Allecram
This taxi-hailing scenario is often told. But these days, taxi drivers are struggling. Do you really think the driver is declining the fare out of spite, or is he afraid of something?
6
@Observer Spite. Given the fact that taxi drivers are struggling as you claim they are (uber and lyft probably have given them stiff competition), he should have been more willing to pick up the passenger.
13
@Allecram So one incident for you to call out, and where two taxis pass by (when a person who happens to be black is standing there) and then a third taxi stops (when a person who happens to be white is standing there). So I guess that must point to racism, right?
This white person has also tried to hail taxis, and, for whatever reason, some taxis (with their white lights on) simply don't stop. I chalk it up to ....their taxi is in fact occupied and the light didn't get turned off (it happens...) or maybe the taxi driver is heading home/ending their shift (also happens).
This all reminds me of the reserve that I've observed...where a white friend might make a comment to me like 'well I have this black friend who is supportive of stop & frisk' (to which I respond, 'oh, because you have a single black friend who supports stop & frisk, that is to imply that a lot more or most black folk also support it?)
My point is, you can't simply call out one incident or one person and then use it to make a case.
3
My property law professor when I was getting my JD in New York City back in the ‘90s told a hilarious story about her efforts to rent an apartment in Manhattan. She and her husband, both black attorneys, expected to have trouble with landlords and brokers and braced themselves to confront it as they began their search. They were pleasantly surprised to encounter no race-related pushback. But when they found an apartment they wanted, it suddenly went from vacant to “not available” when they revealed in their application that they were lawyers.
79
@David Tomlin
So people dislike lawyers? Nothing illegal about that.
People dislike lawyers because they contribute to the unnecessary complication of life and know how to work the legal system to get what they want.
This has been public knowledge since the times of Shakespeare.
10
@stan
Nobody likes lawyers until they need one!
9
I've always known this, even though I'm white. I always noticed that the black kids at my university, and then the black people in my workplace, dressed more formally and more nicely than the whites. I took it more as a sign of pride in one's appearance than a class signifier, though.
I will admit that when I make snap judgments about a person (such as whether the man approaching me is a threat or someone lost who's looking for directions), clothes are a major part of what I look at, as well as age and gender. If my car breaks down on the road, I would definitely react better if the guy who stops to help is dressed in a suit than in a hoodie and ratty jeans, no matter what his race is. Elderly people of any race will be perceived as less threatening than teenagers, no matter their color. And yes, if I'm trying to guess whether someone is poor, middle, or upper class, clothes would be a big signifier (although their vehicle, if I could see it, would be a bigger one). External things like clothes and mannerisms should be less important with people you will interact with frequently over a period of time, but I don't see how you avoid considering such things if meeting people only once.
10
When the Voting Rights Act was eliminated by the Roberts' Court because it was "no longer needed" (according to Roberts) it seemed to be a laughable decision. Anyone who was not a white male knew clearly that "rights" of many people were ignored and certainly disrespected. In the closed private schools of Roberts and men like him, racial bias was not a reason to deny the right to vote. And men like Roberts never seemed to see the statistics and hear the testimony of those still injured by bigotry.
When early voting hours were cut in majority African-American districts, when the number of voting machines and poll workers were cut in majority African-American polling places and when intimidation by police or others occurred during election season in majority African-American neighborhoods, attention was not paid by the power structures which governed voting.
Keeping African-Americans out of certain neighborhoods made gerrymandering much easier as well as keeping districts safe for Republican representatives both state and federal. The realtors and their brokers were important clogs in a system which kept the voting in a county safe for Republicans.
The whole panic over in-person voter fraud requiring the use of voter ID was meant to keep poor people and minority groups with different skin colors from voting. The use of specific addresses on reservations by county boards when tribes did not use addresses was another tool used to prevent voting. These tools were wrong.
10
Unfortunately people make judgement of who you are in less than 5 seconds just after a quick glance.
For people of color, their skin tone is part of the assessment.
It is unfair, reductive but it is how we are wired. Rapid Foe VS friend classification was a useful survival skill at one point.
Code switching / mixing is taking the mindless prejudice into account.
Where you are born and who you grew up with as a big impact on how you react to different looks.
The culture is also a significant component. A president calling latin American "rapists" and middle eastern "terrorists" does not help.
As a middle age white guy, I am always surprise how nicely the TSA agents are at the airport if I code signal my social status. I rarely do that, since I rather wear "rags" and tennis shows in the plane.
My middle eastern though frequently get "extra" screening.
I have no doubt that things are far worse for black people. But I have known my whole life that I will be treated better if I dress up. I am white, middle class to upper middle class, and have been treated shabbily when I am dressed poorly. By shop girls, maitre d’s and yes, real estate agents. So I say, control what you can, and we will continue to work for justice.
9
The "answers" to these issues are complicated. First, there's the issue of being black in America. It's almost like a caste system in many respects and presents its own unique challenges in addressing. Second, humans unfortunately, are hardwired for this kind of thing. It would be great if this was some sort gene mutation affecting only white people, but it's not. When I, for example, engage with young black males, I'm pretty sure they look at me like an alien. I suspect that many of them could not fathom that if they were born in my skin and in my family, they would think exactly like me, talk exactly like me, share my politics, etc. Our "shared humanity" is something people are willfully and purposely blind to -- and in some cases outright reject. It's not something people actually want to believe because they're so invested in their identity. Your blackness, your whiteness, your liberalness, your conservatism, your religious/cultural identity -- this isn't part of your DNA. What you think is the intrinsic "You" is nothing but just layers and layers of data, determined by when you were born, where you born, your family, your neighborhood, your experiences, etc.
1
I’m white and when I shop in upscale stores I can sense an immediate difference on how I’m treated depending on how I look and how I’m dressed. Trust me, Jared: It’s never O.K. tp wear rags.
I also know that my thick Long Island accent was a turn off so I learned to tone it way down. If that’s considered “code switching” then so be it.
I suspect most people white or black put on a public face otherwise we’d all be out and about with bed hair and in our jammies.
6
@Wendy
There's a skincare kiosk in the mall I frequent that only offers me a sample if my hair is down and styled.
It rarely is, and I don't want their samples, so it doesn't bother me. In any case, and as many have said, it's possible to be treated differently or even wrongly and not have it be racist.
2
When you meet someone for the first time, you get judged on two things: your appearance and what happens when you open your mouth.
That isn't dependent on race. It just is.
4
Wait what? People need to conform to be treated as mainstream?
I thought we all knew that already...do you dress up or down to go apply for a business loan? Up or down for any occasion where your status matters?
I'm retired but when going to my wife's company get together, you can be sure I didn't wear, groom and act like a "I don't care I'm retired" guy. I conform to put her in the best light.
2
You'd be surprised to know as a white man when I walk into Tiffany's wearing ripped clothing and a two-day beard I am treated like a tourist. But when I walk in dressed in a suit and tie I am offered gracious service. People who write articles like this assume way way too much about why they are treated they way they are, and how others are treated. Things are far from perfect but they are often nowhere near as dire as these kinds of Op-Eds paint things.
9
@Peter Van Buren
"You'd be surprised to know as a white man when I walk into Tiffany's wearing ripped clothing and a two-day beard I am treated like a tourist. But when I walk in dressed in a suit and tie I am offered gracious service."
Peter, the article makes the point that despite dressing and looking well, many Blacks still experience bad service.
1
@Peter Van Buren
I am very skeptical that Tiffany's doesn't want the "tourist" trade. That tourist in jeans and comfortable shoes may be thrilled at the idea of buying jewelry at an iconic store like Tiffany's as a momento of a once in a lifetime trip to NYC. Ignoring her ==> lost sale.
More likely, the clerks at Tiffany's can tell the difference between a window shopper and a serious customer by their body language and facial expressions.
2
"she and other middle-class blacks I spoke to had no way to systematically assess how their housing searches compared with those of their white counterparts."
I'm a real estate agent and I have no idea what this means. Systematically assess? Every single home search is different. Neighborhoods, schools, price points, specific needs (the fireplace this woman desired), etc.
And all homes have been on online MLS systems for decades. This entire line seems to be seeking racism where it may not, and likely does not, exist.
2
"they would strategically deploy cultural capital, including language, mannerisms, clothing and credentials — in ways that brought their middle-class status firmly into focus. "
Smart thinking and a good advice for anyone from any race.
4
The root here is classism, not racism.
Per the author: “they would strategically deploy cultural capital, including language, mannerisms, clothing and credentials — in ways that brought their middle-class status firmly into focus.”
So... the interviewees weren’t trying to seem white, they were trying to seem middle class. The racism comes in because they think they were not seen as middle class because of their race.
Perhaps. When I change the way I dress, the way I speak, or my haircut, I get treated differently, sometimes dramatically. One could say I code switch. Class perceptions affect how white people are treated as well.
Jared muses: “When you’re out in the world, you can be wearing grubbies, and you’ll be perceived a certain way if you’re black.” No doubt, but it’s true for everyone else, too. I don’t wear my grubbies out of the house because I don’t like the treatment they encourage.
It is the degree of difference between poor treatment due to race and class that is important, at least if you want to fix the problem. It’s not about denying that racism exists (it does), it’s about correctly diagnosing the disease and thus correctly prescribing the medicine. Calling all discrimination “racist” without deeper analysis doesn’t actually do much to try to remedy the problem.
The sad thing here is that implicitly it’s OK to treat lower class people badly as long as you determine who is lower class using non-racial measures. Go capitalism.
5
Stereotypes exist. There is a robust and reproducible science about stereotypes. First thing to know is stereotypes are mostly accurate. If you run into a Canadian male it is likely that they are interested in ice hockey. But stereotypes are just mental shorthand based on limited information. Once a person realizes someone does not conform to the stereotypes they generally then treat you as you really are, not the stereotype. Every human does this. And to castigate one race for this when every race does it is bigoted.
6
Is there any upside to being considered poor? What if someone offers, unbeknownst to the shopper, to pay the bill at the supermarket. You are eating in a restaurant and when you go to pay the bill, you find someone has already paid it for you. Conversely, people may be considered "elite", because of their college education, when in fact they have a low income and live in a modest part of town. Is it wrong for white people to assume black people will vote for the Democrats rather than for the Republicans. There are complicating factors, but the point of the article is well taken, African Americans have missed out on equal treatment in the real estate market. Donald Trump and his father were chief perpetrators of this practice of discrimination.
2
This entire opinion piece is based on the author's 20 year old research? Her research is valid, her points are valid but it seems crazy to me that there was more recent data to triangulate the 20yr old date or to enhance the 20yr old data.
2
This may prove me to be old and out of touch, but when I was young being "middle class" was an insult.
1
My professional coaching group of executive women were stunned, angered, and became uncharacteristically loud and boisterous after witnessing the clerk behind the counter totally ignore me as I stood in front of the group to place my order (I am shortest and the black woman in the group), to make contact with my buddies and ask them what they had in mind for an order. I was happily able to let them know that a group of black women who behaved like they did, would have, more than likely, been kicked out of the establishment. That infuriated my buddies even more as they swore to everyone around they would never patronize this coffee house again.
4
An eye-opening piece for this white realtor. Thanks.
A few years ago I did an open house for a friend, and before the owner left she told me to watch out for a black couple who had made an offer (which she had accepted, buyers unseen) then pulled back when the inspection found termites. She'd had the termites dealt with but wasn't going to accept an offer from "those people" again because she didn't want her neighbors to have black neighbors. I was appalled, and called the other agent and warned her not to get trapped in this illegal behavior.
A year or so later I was bringing my buyers, a dark-skinned couple from Mexico, to a 2nd showing when the seller (who had been watching from across the street) came in and kicked us out, saying she had a bad back and couldn't have anyone in her house. The way she was running said her back wasn't the problem. The listing agent never called me back. The buyers got a better deal on a house nearby.
The sellers were the problems in these 2 cases, but now I'm wondering if my telling a black couple that we had just received an offer on a house where I was doing an OH last spring was misconstrued. But we HAD just received an offer while the OH was in progress, and while it hadn't yet been accepted, I felt obliged to be honest with everyone that came in afterwards, not just the black couple.
I don't know what I could/should have done differently in these cases, but I'll be more aware in the future. Thanks for the op-ed.
8
Sometimes I wonder, if you added up all the minutes of time black people and other people of color spend each day thinking about how to get white people to treat them fairly, what would be the total cost? How many more good ideas would there be in the world if everyone could spend their time on something more interesting and productive?
4
Many years ago I lived in Washington DC, a majority black city with a majority white major employer (government.) It was a very educational experience. At the time, it was still common to pay with checks and show ID as part of the transaction. If I produced my work ID showing that my boss was a famous black elected official, I would be treated very differently than I was when I showed my drivers license. The experience has informed the way I treat people ever since.
3
In my experience, it hasn't mattered how I was dressed or how I spoke. I have not been able to find a formula for social behavior that would shield me from discrimination. Police officers pointed their guns at me as I walked home from work, dressed in professional attire. And I get followed around in stores no matter if I wear a blazer or a hoodie. The point of the article is that we will try anything to avoid the racism that plagues us daily, even if it's an exercise in futility. For my part, I have given up trying to dress to impress white people. It is frustrating and it doesn't work.
10
I know the discriminatory behavior exists and must take a daily toll on the minds and hearts of African Americans. And I do mean daily. I worked for in retail and fine dining as a young adult and saw the overt suspicion with which our black customers were treated for simply entering our doors (especially in retail clothing industry). I was asked to follow one women who was dressed in sweats; and, my enthusiasm for hiring an African American teenager, who I considered the ideal hire for her personality, intelligence and appearance, was dismissed outright by our stores senior manager (she seemed more comfortable with the cute but stupid types, to be quite honest).
I understand the knee jerk reaction to dismiss the experiences of the people profiled in this article. We all to a certain extent have to play the part. I have consciously adopted a neutral accent because I don't like the distraction created by a southern one (which comes with a lot of assumptions I don't care for), and I am careful about choice of jewelry, clothes, accessories, and grooming. Certainly, tattoos are a big no. Regardless of race, these are markers that can and do influence access, and I was schooled in all of this from an early age. It's simply understood, and plenty of white people fail the test, being quietly written off as "white trash". However, I think brown people expect to fail the test regardless how well they present because racial bias is so powerful and automatic.
9
An enlightening read and very frustrating to have to deal with stuff like this all the time I'm sure. I (white) have seen awfulness like this directed to minorities right in front of me - and have spoken out, still a mere moment against a universe of garbage behaviour.
One side note: Outside the crazy posh markets like NYC, real estate agents often hail from the lower middle/working class and often can't read subtle middle and upper class markers, ironic code-switching or mixing. They only know the obvious class cues they see on TV. In the moment, they seem like/are gatekeepers but they're often barely hanging on to their middle-class status themselves. Also commission jobs encourage brutishness. A very tiny sort of solace, I guess.
3
I purchased my first home at 40 and the money for part of the down payment was a gift from my family. My broker asked “where did my family get money like that?” I paused for a sec and told him that my family worked for it. He must have seen the look on my face and heard the anger in my voice because he paused his line of questioning. All my life I have heard this and things like “where a girl like you get so smart? How did a girl like you get into tech? How did someone like you get into financial services?”
My family sacrificed a lot to send me to private school and summer camp and other trappings of “middle class” just so that we would feel like we belonged. To this day I dress up every where I go and people always ask why am I so proper and pulled together. It’s so I won’t be instantly judged and I have to say the entire affair is exhausting.
151
This comment section is profoundly disappointing, yet totally expected. Instead of trying to understand the point behind the article, the respondents, feeling unnecessarily personally attacked, have the audacity to claim that they suffer the same level of discrimination if they were a pair of old jeans, as if this compares to black and brown skin.
I suggest that you all read your comments over again, and try to figure out why you would assume that we don't dress well, or present well, as if we had something to learn from you. The point is that we have to go overboard in the hopes that we are treated well. We have to lay out our pedigrees in the hopes that we are afforded basic human decency, and if you don't see anything wrong with that, then you are absolutely part of the problem, but then again, you will never admit it, nor correct it. It's too comfortable for you to lie back and do nothing about it.
211
@Nadra Some self-reflection might be in order. Grouping everyone together with comments like "you all" and suggesting that those that those that responded did so with the audacity of privilege you yourself may of not been afforded at some point in your life; demanding the removing the privilege for others to voice an opinion on the subject because you've been stressed and traumatized at some point does you and everyone else a disservice. The whole point of the comments section is for the public to have a voice and to learn from one another, not to demand silence when we wish to have only one side or voice heard. Not everyone that spoke here is a white, affluent male.
21
@Nadra The article itself repeatedly leads one to believe that the problem may be more with inappropriate apparel or behavior than skin color. And, yes, there is a difference between a patched Viyella shirt and a tee with rotted armholes.
1
@Nancy EE So Mrs Gonzalez's experience at the hotel had more to do with her inappropriate apparel or behavior than skin color? Got it.
10
I get what this article is saying. And It seems very real and spot on. I must also say that most successful people I know (unless they are business owners who get to make their own rules) have a professional persona and a casual persona too. Not being able to fully express yourself in a professional setting is par for the course. The professional world demands different things from a person than the casual world does. It only makes sense to act accordingly.
That all being said, I don't pretend know what it is like to have to dress nicely in order to not be eyed suspiciously in a store. The closes I can come up with are times I have been in a foreign country and clearly do not look like the majority. In Belize for example the equivalent of a bodega often doesn't have listed prices. I learned to make sure to let a local go pay for something first so I could know what the real prices were vs what they want to charge someone who they think they can take advantage of.
1
Many years ago, I saw a black man kind of dressed up (as if he had just taken off his suit jacket and tie, but still looked like a businessman) washing his car. And my first thought was: why is he wearing such nice clothes? I would be wearing old torn sweats to do that. And then I realized why. He has to dress up all the time.
Things haven't changed. That's sad for all of us.
12
@Janice Moulton Did it ever occur to you he had just gotten off work? Or perhaps he drove that car as his profession?
Many professional drivers wear suits. It would explain a lot.
This article and these comments remind me again that black folks often have a hard time in our society. I wish I could change that but I can't. All I can do is strive to honor the golden rule - to treat others as I would be treated. As a college teacher, thus, I strive to treat all my students, regardless of race or gender, on their individual merits.
That said, I also vividly recall years of being unemployed and applying for teaching jobs in my subfield in response to listings that always conclude "we are committed to diversity and so particularly seek applications from women and minorities." I have thus watched for years as graduate students, especially women, with little or no publishing or teaching experience, were given teaching jobs for which I applied even though I was far better qualified on the objective merits.
In reply, the social justice establishment might say "hey, you're a white male, lots of people who look like you have great jobs, so you have no legitimate complaint."
At that point, it will be noticed, the social justice establishment is doing exactly what this article rightly suggests is so wrong - treating an individual simply based on the race or gender group into which he was born. And if those in power can treat me that way, can I take it out on my female or minority students, either in grading or writing reference letters?
Treat others as you would be treated. If you would not suffer race or sex discrimination, don't impose it on others.
10
"Realtor" is a trademark referring to a member of the National Association of Realtors. A real estate agent doesn't have to be a member of the NAR to sell homes. Convince your real estate agent you have middle class smarts by not using the terms interchangeably.
3
@Peter Having bought, lived in, and sold five houses over 30 years, I've happily used the term "realtor" as a generic one despite the NAR's claimed trademark of this common noun (which I only learned of today in your comment). It's never made any difference, and no one has thought me less middle class or smart along the way. I'm white -- but if I were black, I don't think making that distinction would give me much middle-class cred; the things the article mentions -- attire, zipcodes, credit cards, code-shifting -- are the things that convey class.
12
@Russell Potter
You are correct. I should have mentioned I'm a licensed real estate agent. Anyway, the comment is directed at Dr. Lacy. I would expect the author of a NYTimes article to get the terminology right, even if nobody else does. My own experience is that real estate agents couldn't care less what color, religion, gender, etc., anybody is, or whether anyone calls them a Realtor or not, as long as they have a bank account and decent credit. The first person to show up with the money gets the house.
It is disappointing, if not particularly surprising, to hear how prevalent this still is. We simply need to do better. No excuses!
12
I've noticed that when dressed in "corporate attire", I am treated more professionally than when I wear my grubbies -- that is, with one exception: when renovating my home -- I'd get better service from the city's plans examiners when I was dressed as a workman, and had to jump through extra hoops when if I wore a shirt and tie to the building department.
Context matters -- and I think most of us, regardless of race, have a public persona and a private face for family and friends. That doesn't explain away racial bigotry, but as Mama used to say: you only have one chance at a first impression.
15
@bob and if the first impression is that you are black, how do you “recover” from that?
"We have something like one out of four young black men in this country end up in the criminal justice system. They may end up in jail, they may end up on parole, they may end up on probation."
— Bernie Sanders on Thursday, August 15th, 2019 in an interview with Cardi B
We are all Bayesian Computing Machines - regrettably that leads all of us - black, brown and white to make certain statistical calculations when we interact with others.
The good news is that the Bayesian model allow us to update our Bayesian Priors every day - so maybe there is still hope for us in the future.
On the other hand - the way you get other folks to update their priors is exactly by using the strategies in the article - so - no - they are unfortunate but not optional in our current state.
1
Trying to find a nice place to live should be a very basic right and a realtor should treat you with respect. Gender is also an issue. My daughter has a Masters in Engineering with a stable well paid job. It happens to be in a wastewater treatment plant. That fact coupled with having a 12 year old son influences her wardrobe as you might imagine.
The insulting treatment she was subjected to by realtors was not very subtle - and not being black I can only assume it was gender bias.
13
Thank you for sharing. I can't imagine the psychic toll of having to think about these issues all day, every day.
23
Try imagining the psychic toll of poverty?
What?
You can’t imagine that either?
1
We all judge one another based on attire, how someone carries themselves and how they address those around them. If you want to be viewed as an upstanding member of society, you must play the part. I have always found if you take pride in yourself, that speaks volumes to who you are as a person. If you don't respect yourself, who else will?
11
@Valerie The issue is that 'respecting yourself' and being viewed as 'an upstanding member of society' are both dog whistle comments. Both of those standards are usually synonymous with assimilating into white dominant culture.
When Lydia showed up in sweats and a baseball cap, did she not respect herself, or was she just wearing comfortable clothing while running an errand like we all do?
4
@Valerie, you seem to have missed the point of the article, which is that if you are black you have to be MORE particular about your appearance than if you are white.
4
Wow, I’m really surprised by the number of comments dismissing the racial discrimination described here. This article is not about self-segregation, or confirmation bias, or anything else. It’s about white people being given the benefit of the doubt, and black people not. That’s textbook racism.
I’m amazed that even now, when racism is pointed out, many of us become defensive or make excuses or try to deflect the accusation. It’s a fact that in our white supremacist culture, black people, on the whole, are treated as less than. They have to overcome bias against them time after time. They have to prove that they are smart, prove that they are honest, etc., while most of us white people are just assumed to be those things.
553
I’m a white person married to a person with brown skin and can confirm the type of treatment the author describes from myriad incidents over the past 20 years. They have not decreased in frequency. On the contrary, they have become more common in recent years, both in business situations (stores, hotels, airports ...) and in just walking around the (mostly white) neighborhood. Surely it is not hard to imagine the negative effects on her life. Not just energy draining but severely depressing. Those who fail to recognize this type of treatment aren’t paying attention. Those who try to minimize its effects are delusional at best.
130
@Bubbles The dismissive tone of some of these comments in the allegedly liberal NY Times is incredibly depressing and deflating.
I am black. I have learned that our well-honed ability to practice respectability politics, aka asserting "middle class" values, has limited effect and is almost always trumped by prejudice despite what we choose to wear or sound like. (If one needs to see such tragedy dramatized, find the 80s movie A Soldier's Story or, if you're near NYC, you can go see A Soldier's Play, recently returned to the theater.)
African Americans can act middle class in the doctor's office and still receive inferior treatment. We are middle class walking the streets and still get disproportionately stopped and frisked--or worse. Respectable credit scores only ensured that mortgages we received were more likely to be subprime.
It's sad so many decent people think that there's simply nothing to see and that, instead, racism is a personal failing. Blacks clam up about daily racism, too, for fear of defeated responses that add further injury to insult. Our stifled frustrations, however, usually end up reducing our life expectancy.
There have been studies that show that, for whatever reason, white people do not/cannot empathize with black people's emotional and physical pain. It's true.
That lack of empathy assures continued biased treatment in the extreme even while we dress for success, daily. We would love nothing more than to truly get over it.
121
@Bubbles I agree with you that if people aren't given the benefit of the doubt because of the color of their skin, it's clearly racism. I also think you're missing the larger point of some of the comments below, of which one was mine.
If two sets of people, one white and one black, are treated the same under the same circumstances, it's generally not going to be racism or discrimination. It's going to be the interpretation through the lens of that person's life experience and it's that interpretation that says "I'm not being treated fairly because...." or "Yes, I was treated fairly", not the act itself. Interpretation is everything and is often the one thing that others have no control over.
9
We like to think we've progressed in the areas of race, gender, class, and ethnicity. And to some degree, we have. But beneath the surface, we remain deeply human: tribal, biased, frightened of "the other," and rooted in our own narrow view of the world. It only takes a brief look at who America voters slipped into power in 2016 to judge just how far we haven't come in accepting each other.
Legislation can help to some degree, because it at least breaks down certain barriers people who hold tight to power will never give up on their own. But it takes a lot of soul-searching, the dying off of elders who just refuse to change, and the rise of younger generations who grow up with more loving ideas to bring about a more humane world.
17
My wife is biracial, but we are of means and have not had any issues. Here is our secret:
We both work; we have good credit; no felony convictions; and we have money saved. You would be surprised how having your house in order enables you to receive a loan. The best part is, anyone, regardless of color, can do it.
52
@Mark
Ms. Gonzales was merely trying to check into a hotel. She was not applying for a loan where her financials and criminal history would have mattered.
104
@Peter B
I do not understand your point. Real estate is discussed in this article, too. See below. Even the title deals with a "Realtor."
Lydia wanted a home with a fireplace and she got it. However, she and other middle-class blacks I spoke to had no way to systematically assess how their housing searches compared with those of their white counterparts. While these interviews took place some time ago, and much has changed in the country since, black people have just as much reason to worry today. Decennial audit studies conducted by the Department of Housing and Urban Development, as well as an investigation conducted in Long Island and published by Newsday in 2019 (in which black and white trained testers using comparable financial identities visited the same real estate offices) have uncovered overwhelming evidence of housing discrimination against blacks, decades after the Fair Housing Act of 1968 made the practice illegal.
16
@Mark
But consider that your clean record, your savings balance, and your credit score are not visible to those you interact with. Your race is and you cannot control that.
Your statement that "anyone, regardless of color, can do it" speaks more about your perceptions (from having your financial and legal "house in order") than it does about the everyday reality of someone not white.
24
"The people I spoke to said they paid a price when they failed to perform these public identities."
It's called conforming to society's expectations, including dress codes, and applies to everyone, regardless of race. If you intentionally depart from the norm, you stand a chance of being ostracized. And if the public image you present is one associated with drug dealers and rap artists, don't expect to be taken seriously when you go to buy a house.
88
@Greg I dress casually all of the time. That is my right as an American. T-shirt, jeans and athletic shoes. I will not give up my comfortable clothing.
When I went to buy my house many years ago, I dressed in business suits and high heels, full makeup -- the works. I wanted to buy in a certain area. In spite of my dress, the first few realtors that I encountered decided that I couldn't afford in the area where I wanted to buy a house, or they never followed up with me. Many steered me to neighborhoods and homes that I had no interest in.
I finally found an African American realtor who put me touch with a lender who helped finance my purchase in the neighborhood that I had fallen in love with. Nearly thirty years later, I'm still here in my home that I've never once missed a payment on.
I'm also a nerd who loves to purchase the latest in technology. In brick and mortar stores, the salespeople would pass me by. Do you know how thankful I was to discover online shopping? My color didn't matter and I could research and buy whatever I wanted much faster than waiting in a store for assistance because of my color and dress.
When I was younger, I would get so upset when I was discriminated against when I shopped. As an older African American woman, I now say, hey, if you don't want my business, too bad for you buddy.
128
@Greg Really. I'm a senior citizen. A retired federal gov't HR manager. My hair isn't in braids. My clothes are neatly dressed, I don't wear baggy jeans or swag.
So what should I wear to be accorded basic consideration of someone seeking to purchase a property? I have to dress up to purchase something they want to sell?
My white male friend told me years ago that the civil rights laws had eliminated all discrimination. Only when he went to work for an Asian firm did he understand. He didn't work there long, Even though it was against the "law" he recognized that he was unlikely to be promoted. Prejudices exist, no matter what laws are on the books. Or whatever "norms" there are.
43
@Greg Yes, "conforming to the norm" is something everyone has to deal with. But the price minorities pay for *not* conforming to the norm is much higher than that paid by others.
61
This resonates with me, because, while it doesn't happen often, I have been confused with my family court and criminal court clients when checking in with the courts. Despite practicing for 15 years now, despite all the signifiers of a middle class attorney, I can't help what other people see when they see me. After all, there's only a handful of black female court-going attorneys practicing around here.
And that's what it boils down to. I can't control what expectations people put on me, all I can do is go about my business, exploding their expectations and crushing them with my intellect when I can. I think the expectation that I'm stupid is the one that's given me the greatest advantage.
I make sure that any medical professional dealing with me knows that I'm an attorney and will respond accordingly to malpractice or any failures of standards of care. I purposefully use big words that average people don't know just so they know who they are dealing with. I made sure my realtor knew what I did for a living (I was an ADA then). If they won't respect me, they damn sure will respect my position.
And then, at some point, you have to embrace your otherness. So I installed a septum piercing, because if they're gonna look, I may as well give them something to look at. I'm Generation X, they taught us that stick and stones, etc. and I've taken it to heart.
17
White people see the discussion of what constitutes racism as progress. We used to know what racism really was before the civil rights movement. Now, the arguments are more subtle.
But people of color see the residual racism that continues regardless of the law or social progress as work that still needs to be done.
We may never achieve true parity, but we were on that road... until recently. Now, I'm not so sure.
A big first step is to get rid of Trump and the politicians who enable him.
9
Your article is probably 100% accurate, Blacks do have the ongoing Jim Crow to always deal with, written to make their lives harder. It does that.
But in regard to real estate agents, this is not necessarily true. Mostly because of the Fair Credit Reporting Act, this act was written to allow all applicants a level playing field, in practice. Managers and Owners of housing can set parameters but those parameters must be applied equally to all applicants. They usually use a Retail Credit Report, as well as verification of payroll check or some consistent means of support, Criminal Record Report, in most States, other than NY, an Eviction Report as well. Together these elements create a baseline. More importantly, most agents never choose an applicant, this is done solely by the established parameters.
2
@Carol , as I just wrote in another post, read the Newsday research that demonstrated plainly that racial steering is as prevalent as ever. Really, go read the article. They took down their paywall for it, so there is no excuse to ignore verified research. It is disgraceful.
2
I don’t know how much more confirmation we need of the depth of racism in this country/world. What is most disturbing is that the election of the Orange Monster and his all too probable re-election proves that the American “all men are created equal” experiment has failed. We are not going to see any improvement in our quest for either “the melting pot” or “the gorgeous mosaic” unless a miracle happens. The certainty of demographic shift in the US, coupled with the tacit and sometimes obvious approval of increasingly open hatred coming from the White House, points toward a total unraveling of American society.
4
I have no doubt that race affects first impressions and people's response to a person. But it is almost bizarre to make this just about race.
Perhaps it is because I am pale-skinned person with education who is also somewhat of a slob, but everything described in the article seemed like normal human interactions: people often have initial misperceptions that they can alter rapidly when given addition clues.
7
@Mark R Exactly. I'm a white middle class older male who dresses pretty casually (faded jeans, t-shirts, beat up jackets, etc) and when I have to meet with a banker, financial adviser, lawyer, etc I make an effort to "dress up" because I know they are going to make decisions on me based on how I look and talk.
2
@David Goldberg, if you could be made magically black for a week, maybe you would understand. It is not the same thing at all. Please truly listen to what black people explain about their experiences.
1
Well said. One aspect touched upon really well was the fact that people of color are often exhausted by these constant microaggressions that they find themselves maneuvering on a daily basis. That exhaustion I'm sure leads to long term stress and other health issues be it mental or physical. You constantly have to be preemptive and thinking about these things all the time as a person of color maneuvering society in white america.
101
So sad , frustrating and exhausting. It brings to mind my experiences car shopping as a white woman.
"What color would you like?" and "how much are you willing to pay per month?" are the first questions you hear. I tell them I too, am in sales, and let's not waste time. Being 5'10"is very helpful, too, I've found, and the older I get, a big smile and self-deprecating attitude comes in handy. 65 years old and still learning how to deal with people! Perception often is reality.
7
In 1989, I as a tech professional was ready to buy my first home in the Bay Area. Living in Santa Clara, I wanted to buy a place in Palo Alto or Mountain View. A good friend had a real estate agent that had helped her buy a great townhouse.
Once, twice, three times, I told Charley, the white real estate agent where I wanted to search for my new home. Each time, Charley inexplicably took me on home tours to impoverished areas overwhelmingly Latino, like me.
But like my Dad before me, I wanted to live where I chose, not where some stranger thought I belonged.
So I did buy in Mountain View, after I changed real estate agents.
It’s ridiculous and frustrating that racism, all isms, stereotypes and needless limits are placed upon humans trying to live our lives.
28
The middle class? Buying a home? These days that means buying an RV and sleeping in different neighborhoods till a space opens in the Walmart parking lot.
10
Move to flyover country. There are plenty of jobs that pay well, good schools, and a 3 bedroom, 1400 sq ft condo, with attached 2 car garage, in a nice neighborhood sells for about $115,000. A single family 1,900 sq ft home nearby costs about $150,000. One nearby school district which scores in the top 5 percent in the USA, has over 30 percent minorities.
3
Some of the example are clear racism, but most are simply about conforming to expectations and forging the right image of yourself. There's nothing wrong with that and everybody who's seeking to break into a certain group has to do it. I am a (white) immigrant and I worked my way up to the upper middle class. I had to change nearly everything about myself over the course of doing it. I used to practice facial expressions in front of the mirror and small talk dialogues with a friend. It's called adapting and evolving. I take pride in it, not offense.
42
@Sophie K That's fantastic and good for you. To be fair, however, you were able to do that without the constant stigma cast against you of being non-white which is far harder to overcome with work in the mirror.
4
@Sophie K Thank you Sophie. Here is some rational thinking with its feet planted in reality.
1
@Sophie K Sorry, Sophie, but you clearly don’t understand. I’m also white, and there’s nothing you or I will ever experience that even begins to equate what black people have to cope with every single day. Nothing. Time to wake up.
Data-based research (e.g., statistics, successful lawsuits) is more compelling than perception-based surveys.
10
@Killoran Right, because my experiences are only real if there's data to prove they're real? There has been data for decades (and cited in the article) to prove this is real.
21
@Killoran , then read the Newsday research that clearly proves the racial steering that still goes on in the real estate business. Clearly demonstrates this racism. Newsday took down their paywall for this article, so there is no excuse to not read it. If you dare to have your assumptions challenged, that is.
1
@Evelyn McElroy
I'm not denying the existence (or strength) of this research. I have read some of it. My only point is this kind of research is much more compelling than anecdotal "research" that is filled with pathos. Campuses are awash with trigger warnings, micro-aggressions, etc. and the research there finds these claims to be weak.
2
As white semi-retirees, we had the same issue with a real estate agent as Lydia did. When I spoke to this guy on the phone, he was quite pleasant and eager to meet us. When we pulled up the driveway to the house in our Subaru, got out in our outdoorsy wear (REI and jeans), his face immediately fell and he was completely rude during the house tour, barely answering any of our questions. We got out of there quickly. Why the change in his demeanor? Should we have worn something dressier? It doesn't matter, because we will never buy a house listed by this guy and if we had really wanted the house, we would have figured out a way to purchase it. But we obviously didn't fit the profile of who he thought he spoke to. My advice to anyone is, first impressions are important - I would never wear sweatpants and a baseball cap anywhere in public, except to softball practice. It helps to have pride in your appearance. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does.
27
@NAP
As I see it, the problem is that we tend to group white people into one group as though they are a monolithic "class" of people. There are poor whites, working class whites and fairly well-off whites. Up until recently, middle class Blacks were conditioned to treat all white people the same. There's a historical legacy here. That has all changed now. A knowledgeable shopper, whether it be a house, a suit, a car, almost always changes the perception of the seller, regardless of the perspective buyer's skin color. I am a Black educated male. If the seller is rude or biased toward me. I just leave. I don't have the time to be burdened with his or her problems or filing out some questionnaire. There's always someone else willing to make the sale. I do agree however, first impressions are the strongest.
4
I'm a white female. I'm reminded of an experience I once had as a high school student when I walked into a store to do some shopping but was escorted out by security and told I was breaking the law and wasn't allowed to be there. It was a school day and they were enforcing some sort of truancy law, though I went to a Catholic school and it happened to be a day off for an obscure Catholic holiday. I showed ID but it didn't matter, they threw me out by the elbows. I was incredibly angry and still am at the memory, more than 25 years later. I never shopped at that store again.
This is perhaps memorable to me because it doesn't often happen. But I can't even imagine what it must be like for that to be someone's life, every single day out in the world. I might get too depressed to leave my house. Or too angry.
43
When I worked high-end retail fitness equipment sales, I always treated everyone with the same amount of respect and courtesy, but I admit there were times when I pre-formed an opinion of the likelihood of the customer buying based on their race, age, attire, etc. You get surprised enough and you learn not to judge.
8
Growing up in rural Southern Maine, coupled with being raised by my white grandmother, paved the way for the development of my identity, or rather what I thought was who I was, until I came to Boston for school.
Since attending university in Boston, I have undergone experiences that have induced fairly radical change in me, considering my fairly mellow (and rather conforming) demeanor while growing up and experiencing nearly solely and universally white experiences. I am not ungrateful for the life I was given, but rather yearning for the life I missed out on. As a biracial black woman, I have realized there is so much that constitutes me in this place of newfound diversity. I have discovered self and cultural empowerment, I have become more informed, I have become more of myself.
As aforementioned, I am changing, and for the better I believe- except when I'm not. When I visit the place I grew up, I am forced to occupy the shell of the person I once was. It's a disarming takeover, not to mention disheartening. It's discouraging to come to the understanding that people can't simply be the people they are. Societal expectations are to be expected; but to what extent do we allow the systemic erasure of culture and vibrancy? The overexertion of forced practices being taken on by black people at the fault of white people is an undeniable wrongdoing. It is pertinent that white people hold accountability as a race, instead of individuals going to great lengths to deny such.
10
The treatment of Ms. Gonzales while checking into a hotel was real racism. But, anyone wearing sweatpants and a ball cap will not be taken seriously when shopping for a house, regardless of race. Sweatpants and ball cap for doing chores, working out or lounging in front of the tv, casual dress attire for home shopping. I don't mean to make light of real discrimination, but the second example was a poor choice by the author.
32
@P. J. Brown why? Because it does not conform with what white people wear? I bet if she had been a tall, blond haired, blue-eyed white man with a ball cap with an Ivy League college on it, the treatment would have been different.
4
@P. J. Brown
I think it depends where you live. People wear hiking gear while viewing and purchasing multi million dollar homes in Seattle all the time. Here a realtor would never question your ability to afford an expensive house based on your casual dress.
4
The author has contributed important considerations very clearly about an important ongoing problem, focusing on one discriminated group.
There is a need to remember that a historical toxic WE-THEY culture, which violates, by words and deeds, laws, regulations, traditions, revised histories, faux-religiosity, and weaponized-theological-based hate, and a range of other processes, is enabled daily; creating, selecting and targetting "the other(s)." And in this process, the targeted group, which is in many ways diverse, even as discriminating experiences are shared, can and does, all too often, discriminate against members of their own group as well as people external to their own created self-identities.
4
The author totally ignores the fact that white working class Americans , should they become successful, have to do similar things to blend in with the middle class.
In fact, all Americans who make it from poor, working class to middle or upper middle class will have to make changes in their speech, behaviors and dress if they want to blend in with the middle or upper middle class.
37
The point here is that the people being discussed are already middle class. They were born into but it’s not assumed to be true about them because of race.
37
Well golly, I guess that makes them, gasp, better off, than poor whites?
Heresy!
1
As a white working class male, oh how I wish I had the privilege to be able to shop for a house in the first place. Unfortunately I'm too busy dealing with student debt, unpaid medical bills, rising rents I can't afford, etc. etc. I'd be THRILLED if "code switching" while shopping for homes was my biggest worry in life.
49
@Chris R. It appears that you missed the point of the article. You are talking about economic privilege, which is its own mess. The article is referring to racial privilege and, based on your response, you have and don't seem to understand its impact. By the way, I'm a middle class white male was well.
20
@Chris R. Co-opting this story to focus on your own issues is the height of white-male privilege. No sympathy for the plight of others because of your own situation.
The point is, you could be wearing the same clothes as the author and be taken seriously while they are treated differently.
9
@Chris R. Black people deal with all of those issues too. The code-switching is an addition to all of those daily stressors. If you’re stressed about all those things imagine adding another layer of obstacles to your daily life.
9
This piece exhausted me with sadness (I'm white). That anyone could deny that these things are true (and many do just that), even in 2020, even in "liberal" areas, is beyond me. And I try not to trade in "outrage" these days, but this is something that has outraged me all my life.
Just a couple of memories, both of which took place in my beloved, generally liberal-bastion-kind-of-a-town home of Hoboken (along with the observation, which bothers me on a regular basis, that it remains an amazingly white town--it bothers me both because I know that racism still lies just beneath the surface in things like real estate, and because it just makes a walk down the street kind of dull to see nothing but white faces)...
First, a real estate agent who, about 15-20 years ago, told my husband and me (we were thinking about buying a multi-unit building) that the agency also did management, and that they could "keep the blacks out" if we wanted (we got out of there, and I did everything I could to report the remark).
Second, one evening a few years later my mother and I were sitting outside of our brownstone. There was a building across the street for sale, and we saw a black man waiting to see the place. My mom was always interested in real estate, and we asked him if he knew how much the place was listed for. I will never forget the angry look on his face. It was only later that I realized why, and to this day I wish that I could tell him that we were only curious. I'm so, so sorry.
54
Many years ago, we dropped a real estate agent like a hot potato when she started telling us racist jokes. I wish though, that we'd had the courage to tell her why. It's so strange how often we feel we shouldn't offend someone who is being offensive.
4
@Freida you're right--I have that tendency as well, and it REALLY annoys me about myself! On that occasion my husband and I were just really stunned, but I think my husband managed to get out something like, "Um, isn't that illegal?" What really made me angry, however, was the unwillingness of anyone in a position of authority to properly investigate it and/or take punitive action. I made SO many calls to every agency I could think of. And I wanted to write an opinion piece about it for the local paper (I am a published writer, and had written for them before), but was turned down (most of their advertisers were real estate agencies in town).
1
Several months ago my husband ordered some cabinets online from Home Depot. When we learned that they would be delivered to the store rather than our apartment, I called the store to sort things out, and explained that my husband had placed the order. Despite my credit card being used, and that I could verify all the details of the transaction, I was told that only my husband could arrange for the delivery because my name was not on the order. I am male, we have different last names. I have a very hard time believing that the clerk would have told the wife in a traditional heterosexual couple that only her husband could make changes to their order.
As a gay man, I know all too well the energy required to manage public interactions. Was I treated fairly? No. The world is far from perfect.
18
@c I ordered a new garage door to be delivered to my local Home Depot just last week and it arrived. When my wife went to pick it up, she too was turned away because I failed to add her name to the list of people authorized to pick it up. Instead of seeing this issue through a negative lens, my wife was grateful (but slight irritated at me at the same time) that someone with the same last name couldn't just waltz in and pick up the order, thereby protecting both me (us) and the store. I assure you, you were treated fairly.
39
@c Actually, that happens to straight couples too and has happened to me and my wife. A clerk can't take instructions from anyone whose name isn't on the order.
32
@Bill C. Perhaps, but unless you used your wife's credit card to pay for your garage door, the difference in our situations is that my name should have already associated with the order as my credit card was used to pay for it.
Regardless, it's a well-intentioned policy, that can cause frustration when clumsily implemented and can give the appearance of unfair treatment.
4
"Newsday" as a source of a study? A single person offering a subjective evaluation of an interaction with a hotel clerk? A single person describing her experience with a single real estate agent? You are a professor? In my experience, I have never met or heard about a real estate agent who would turn down a sale because her client was not white. Good real estate agents, like all good salesmen, qualify prospects before spending any time with them. Once they are sure the prospect is for real, the sales process begins.
40
@Ayecaramba I'm sorry, but you're wrong--and I've heard it from real estate agents.
7
@Ayecaramba You dismiss the anecdotal evidence offered in the article and counter it with... your own anecdotal evidence. A few google searches will show you how rampant housing discrimination is for blacks, it will show you how often lenders turn away qualified blacks or charge them higher interest rates than lesser qualified whites, it will also show you how frequently realtors refuse to show listings to black people (add Trump tor this particular search).
10
@Ayecaramba It was a large investigation, not a study, and it was quite comprehensive and widely reported. If you had clicked on the link you could have found that out.
6
Young people in their early twenties, who are renting but who have saved a lot of money for a down payment, also have this problem. I’ve watched them get sidelined at realtors’ offices while subsequent arrivals, who say that they own a home but are looking for something new, are immediately talking to a realtor. Realtors want a listing because it is easy. A sale involves a lot of work. Those who own a home have been validated as credit worthy and when they buy a new home, they will provide a huge amount of commission to the realtor for selling their old home.
20
@William McCain I would agree except that I am black, in my 40's, with a solid income. I've owned two homes and my credit is excellent and yet, sometimes when I've take interest in a property, I've had to deal with dismissive attitudes until i gradually reveal more information about myself and then things change dramatically.
It some cases , its attributable to poorly skilled agents. (What 20 year olds deal with.) In others, they are making a determination of my eligibility based on racial biases and providing substandard service as a result.
There's always a whataboutism but racial bias exists and its wrong.
22
I understand. I finally carried my savings passbook in my pocket with my credit score from my Discover Card statement tucked inside. Only when an agent saw both was I worth working with.
2
Many other minority groups do this.
As a gay man, I have my "gay life" and my "normal/straight life."
Therefore, I seek out gay realtors with whom I feel comfortable discussing my finances, living habits, etc.
This is the way the world works.
35
@Adam, in other words, segregation? Sorry, many of us aspire to a society that is better than that.
2
@Adam
How would a realtor know - or care - if you are gay? As long as you’ve got the cash in hand, or good credit, I can’t imagine them caring. ( On the other hand, I _could_ envision some bigoted neighbors caring and treating you poorly after you moved in.)
1
@Adam separate but equal?
1
This seems to imply most (non-black) people only wear their one authentic “face” at all times... the particular assumptions that different people need to counteract or feel pressure from are of interest, but burdensome social performance is universal.
36
@Steven : as a Jew....I have had to pretend to be gentile. Or at least, not mention my Jewish faith and at the work place. It was exhausting! and while I could not prove any direct anti-semitism -- nobody burned a cross on my workstation -- comments and attitudes made it clear that the workers and management were Christian (all kinds) and not friendly to other faiths.
In case you are thinking "you should have quit immediately" -- this job occurred at at time when my husband was unemployed and his unemployment checks had run out....we were at risk of losing our home had I just up and quit.
My point is it is not just black people or any one race or religion -- it's always hard to be "the outlier" in any situation. You do the best you can, but don't expect you can change "hearts and minds".
6
I'm a black woman who's purchased 5 homes. No problem in Metro Detroit, a few problems in VA but I was completely surprised when I retired and moved to GA. I'm a fed gov't retiree.
Interested in a newly built home but didn't dress up. The builder's salesperson immediately assumed I couldn't afford a home telling me I couldn't borrow the $5k deposit. The home I had just sold in VA cost $100k more than the new home. She grudgingly took the deposit, but then said I couldn't get a mortgage without a job. She didn't ask but I had no debt, an 800+ credit rating, 5 pensions and assets substantial enough to purchase more than one home; I just chose to let my assets remain invested.
In addition to my 25% down payment and closing costs, to get a mortgage I had to deposit $120k with one of their brokers. The first broker they referred me to didn't even want to bother coming into the office; he asked to meet at Starbucks. After he rec'd a copy of my statement he hastily decided he could come into the office, and was happily chirping away about how he was going to invest all of my money, not just the $120k. I didn't use him. The next broker had enough sense to treat me as client instead of an inconvenience so I went with him. But the moment the loan closed I transferred the money back out to a broker of my choice.
I'm coming up on 2 years on my loan and they'll allow me to drop escrow. I will. I still have money left from the sale of the house in VA.
77
This article is not about dressing up or "being presentable" in the public sphere. It is about the fact that in the normal course of living their daily lives, people of color ALSO have to do all sorts of other gyrations to ensure that the white public doesn't still assume that they don't belong, or require something else to be acceptable. There is no assertion that the main subject of the article, the woman attempting to check in at a hotel, was "improperly" dressed. Why do the comments leap to that discussion point? The point was that only she was required to sign a 'no party' waiver. And the only difference to all of the other hotel guests was the color of her skin.
I understand that it doesn't feel good to know that this level of bias still occurs. But we have to stop being so dismissive of the truth. It is reasonable to expect people to dress at least business casual to go house hunting. But it is also true that people of color have a higher burden to 'bring the receipts' to PROVE their purchasing status and ability.
154
What the author is actually saying is that if one conforms to a set of societal norms, then bias disappears. As a successful but non-conventional entrepreneur, I have always dressed down and refused to wear ties and jackets. Walking into Wall Street meetings, expensive retail stores, etc, the assumption was that I was not a client and was often initially dismissed. The author is mistaking bias with conformity with norms. I choose to dress the way I do and realize that on occassion the reaction is as I described (far less today than 15 years ago). It's my call. If I put on a Kiton suit and walked into a meeting, the intial react is different. If you are black and dress and act like Lil' John or white and dress like a Hell's Angel Biker, then don't be surprised by the reaction. As the author has unintentionally pointed out, if you want a different reaction, dress and act differently.
61
@Chris You're focusing on the accouterments of life as the determinant of how the interaction goes.
Tell me, how do they change the color of their skin, which is the basis for all other decisions about accouterments?
32
I don’t see this as what the article is saying at all—I see it as saying that some people are forced to put in extra effort to conform to societal norms that others aren’t. The examples show that in many cases, even “dressing up” etc. is not enough to eliminate all bias/suspicion.
46
@dortress - I am bi-racial, 1st generation and have plenty of experience with pre-conceived notions. Humans are tribal. Someone in a Hijab or a Sihk in a Pagg elicit specific reactions. It is naive to believe that people's experience don't affect their initial views of people. I grew up in Baltimore (apparently you are from there). Forgive me if my reaction to a young, black male coming up from S Broadway near Hopkins Hospital dressed like a gang member illicits a different reaction than Keifer Mitchell (who is also Black). Everthing is not just about race.
29
Without taking away from the experiences listed in the article, I can confirm they are not limited only to blacks. As a very "middle" middle class white kid who grew up in a decidedly upper middle class town, I too strove to dress nicer and talk differently to fit in. I remember sitting at a dinner table at a wedding where I was the only one of 10 who did not have a top tier graduate degree. I found myself saying "when I was in undergrad..." as if I had to distinguish my higher education from some non existent graduate schooling.
Of course, my experiences didn't result in accusations of shoplifting or being pulled over by police, but feelings of exclusion are not limited to race.
61
@SomeDad I totally agree that class divisions can matter. When I was a young professional I often felt like I was "passing" in certain social situations. However, that was my issue. Most of the time I was and am still with people who wrongfully assume I came from a privileged background because I live in one as an adult.
As this article illustrates, it's an entirely different scenario for African Americans.
14
As a hispanic with an accent I haven't really had trouble seeing a property or making an offer, however, I do make an effort to dress well and it a way 'show' that I have the means to make the purchase. On the other hand, one time I was doing some work on a rental apartment that I have and afterwards I went to hand in the keys to the realtor at one of Brooklyn's 'higher end' agencies. I was dress a bit shabby and the lady at the front desk treated me as if I was going to rob the place, she did not even want to call the agent I had an appointment with. I have the feeling that if I looked different and spoke differently (with no accent), even with the same shabby clothes, she would have been much more accommodating. To be fair, I have been treated better at many venues than some white folks simply because I was dressed better.
19
An important read. I am disturbed, however, by the underlying assumption that it's perfectly appropriate to have working class and poor people "talk to the hand."
18
I’m a woman and a doctor. When I’m rounding with medical students in the hospital, inevitably a patient will direct his or her attention to the most mature looking male medical school student rather than to me. This is usually unsettling to the student who often has no idea how to gracefully correct the patient’s misconception and is often worried I will blame him for it. I usually choose to hang back, letting the patient and student doctor work it out among themselves; supporting a richer learning experience for the patient and student than if I jumped in to address the patient’s misconception or managed the awkward correction on the student’s behalf. Countless random hospital patients have called out, “Nurse! Nurse!” when they see me (or other women in hospital garb) passing in hallways. Today, more than half of all medical students are women; I wonder when these outdated beliefs about who is who in the hospital will change. Many of my women peers are infuriated by these “micro aggressions” but I can’t be bothered to care about others’ goofy prejudices. If someone doesn’t want a woman doctor, fire me and get a different provider.
96
@hey nineteen
I have had similar experiences as a female physician....it is relatively commonplace for us to be mistaken for nurses by patients (which isn't fair to nurses either, that they be preceived as GoFers for patients) or to be patronized, or worse, harrassed, by our male colleagues and leaders (recently had to file a complaint about my male boss, and he is not the first to have tried to harrass and intimidate me).
As a woman just out in the world it happens too, when trying to purchase a car, for example, or getting financial advice. Several of my male friends have tried to take credit for my financial management skills, by implying that they were the ones who referred me to my current fininancial planner when, in fact, I did all of the legwork on my own.
I can only imagine how much worse it is when you throw race into the equation.
25
@hey nineteen Unfortunately it will probably take an entire generation when this isn't the norm. I don't know the statistics, but assume that though more than half of medical students are women, that same representation isn't consistent among ALL doctors. Only after children who have grown up not seeing any discernible difference between the number of male and female physicians are adults will the stereotype fade away. Take comfort knowing it's the beginning of the end though!
7
@hey nineteen From the patient's perspective, the roles of the hospital staff who treat them are not always clear. In at least one major hospital in NYC the male doctors identify themselves as doctors by wearing ties under their lab coats. Is there an analogous signal that female doctors use?
10
Reading this study of racial unfairness reminds me of how very easy it is to categorize far too narrowly. Almost everything noted here has been part of the growing up process for me also, born and bred a Midwesterner and a white woman, no chance of racial confusion but plenty of gender discrimination and now, no longer covering my grey hairs and with a few more facial lines, it is pretty clear age becomes a factor in social and business exchanges as well. Lets all just try to be fair...we might find it a better universe?
33
I am not denying that there is still discrimination in real estate despite vigorous anti-discrimination education in licensing classes I have taken. But, when casually, perhaps sloppily dressed as a young, frazzled mother I was taken for household help and asked if I was purchasing items on food stamps multiple times. I am an upper class, Ivy League educated person. I have had store clerks in expensive stores ignore me when inappropriately dressed. Look back in photos from any time before 1950 and see how everyone dressed up when in the public sphere. How a person speaks and presents oneself is important everywhere, and unfortunately a person has to adhere to cultural norms in order to succeed in life.
102
@Sarah
Like Sarah, I am a well-off, well-educated white person. I often dress down and do not shave or get frequent hair cuts, especially now that I am retired. From time to time I am very surprised to find that I am not treated the way that I am used to in the public sphere, but for me, it is merely irritating. I have pretty much "everything" going for me; financially well-off, male, older, white, and this happens infrequently.
I cannot imagine what it is like going through life as a black person, where in perhaps the majority of encounters in the public sphere, you are to some extent suspect. This article reminds us of yet another way the daily life of a black person in American can be so difficult.
91
We need more articles like this and respondents like Sarah and other whites who are beginning to see the privilege that comes with whiteness. Years ago a black female (richer) colleague of mine told me she always hires white property managers for her rentals because those rentals are in “nice” neighborhoods. I’m grateful to her. Her comment began my journey of opening my eyes to “white privilege” which I now find shocking, alarming and scary ( check out our POTUS).
16
@Sarah Clerks in downtown Greensboro NC in 1940's ignored women in sweater twinsets as too underdressed to be served.
1
In medical school and in my first few years of practice I still had to make a point of looking the part because I was often mistaken as a student or someone's son. Once a patient came for her first appointment and started laughing uncontrollably, and eventually left saying she couldn't work with someone who looked so young. I don't take offense at these experiences even though they are clearly related to my ethnicity and the fact that I looked very young, and both were completely out of my control.
I think what is described in the article is more prevalent and necessary for black people but not qualitatively unique to black people. When I was a college student in my rebellious stage, my baggy pants, earring, youthful features, and dark complexion (I'm Asian American) got me stopped by the police while driving, by store owners while browsing, etc. It took the work of many influential role models to help me understand that I would be received how I presented myself. I gave up the look, and the attitude, and I was usually treated better.
It is a real challenge for African Americans and all of society that this type of discrimination continues to be present in hiring/firing and housing, or leads to some increase in false arrests, where it would not be so easy to laugh off. I do think it would serve all people of color to stop thinking of dressing well and speaking standard English as "acting white." This is self defeating nonsense that prevents entire cultures from succeeding.
187
@rob
"I do think it would serve all people of color to stop thinking of dressing well and speaking standard English as "acting white." This is self defeating nonsense that prevents entire cultures from succeeding."
Perfectly said.
9
Right on point. Dressing nicely and speaking well are marks of educated and successful people (middle-class in the language of this article), no matter what your race is. That these characteristics are associated with being white shows that some Black people have internalized the message that they do not innately possess those abilities. That is very sad.
13
@rob I was with you until the "acting white" part. You do realize that there are people who aren't even EXPOSED to so called white behaviors enough that they can imitate them, right? If you grow up in an isolated enough impoverished area, you'd have to make it to college to get that exposure.
I went to college near the Blue Ridge mountains. I'll never forget the day I walked past a professor's office and overheard him giving elocution lessons to a boy who sounded to be from Appalachia. He was repeating a series of vowel sounds and the boy followed suit.
Poverty not just about not having money. It's also about isolation from the knowledge that can get you money through legal means.
12
Not nearly so serious a situation as housing discrimination, but still telling about how we tend to profile gender, age and ethnicity. I'm a long-single white woman past 70 with fluffy white hair and my share of well-earned wrinkles. The last time I shopped for a car the young salesman asked me if my husband was still looking out on the lot. I fixed him with my best steely stare, told him I'd been buying my own cars since before he was born and then headed out to a different dealership.
209
@Susan Stewart
Good for you!
My parents once walked out of a Buick dealership because they thought the salesperson was talking down to them because of their age.
The went to the Oldsmobile dealer and bought their new car for cash.
35
@Susan Stewart I took along my fiancé when I bought a new car. The salesperson wouldn’t look at me and responded to my questions by speaking to my fiancé.
Finally, I told him, “I’m the one with the money! Not him. He is just here to watch!”.
Things changed quick after that.
47
@Emily S
Same thing happened to me a few years ago when I was shopping for a high end grand piano. I took my boyfriend along and the salesmen (2) literally ignored me and only spoke to my boyfriend asking what kind of piano his wife was looking for. I firmly but politely told them I was the one buying the piano and that we were not married.
19
Many years ago, a wealthy acquaintance of mine went to the then Texas Commerce Bank in downtown Houston and asked to talk with an executive. The receptionist had no idea my acquaintance was the beneficiary of a very large trust at the bank, the one that is handled by “private bankers,” but based on the way my acquaintance dressed decided then and there that she probably had no business talking with said bank executive. The receptionist went through the motions but apparently never called the executive to let him know of my acquaintance’s request to talk with him. My acquaintance knew what was going on and simply sat in the waiting area. A while later, the executive happened to come out of his office and upon seeing her asked why she had not asked for him. My acquaintance pointed to the receptionist and said she had. The receptionist was embarrassed. You see, my acquaintance never dressed the part of a successful person and generally experienced the treatment she received that day at the bank. So while I do not dispute the fact people of color experience what you describe, after all I’m a person of color myself and have had those experiences, many times the treatment is prompted by the way people dresses and acts, regardless of race. It is regrettable this happens but it does.
164
@CEA
I agree class signals matter for people of all races. I've seen that first hand. I suspect though the effects of class signals are starker for non-whites than for whites. Basically, you end up with racial and class stigmas interacting and multiplying each other.
20
This is nothing more than Confirmation Bias. Have you ever noticed, when you buy a car, how many cars you see that are--suddenly-- the same color? Like that. As ALL people traveling throughout their days, we are ALL assailed by the petty, the jealous, the sarcastic; the haters, in other words. There are also the walking wounded whose mother or husband, or son/loved one/daughter has just died; or a favorite long-term pet; or are living a daily life in physical pain or mental anguish. All of which can make a person seem not be their best selves. This exists everywhere, and includes virtually everyone, no matter color or race. And everyone needs to fess to this, because otherwise it becomes too easy to demonize other human beings.
43
While it’s true that we’re all affected by the many different situations we find ourselves in, this does not mean that racial discrimination does not exist—there’s plenty of evidence, cited in this article, to show that it does...
24
And you conclude this against actual evidence, based on what? Because you're wrong, and research shows this occurs.
2
It's unfair, but all businesses want to protect themselves from wasting time or getting ripped off. Recently in California, I decided it was too late to drive several hours to a friend's place after a wedding. I called around at 11 pm and was a very steep price for a room in a Marriott. It seemed crazy, but I was too tired to continue to drive. When I arrived five minutes later and they saw an elderly white woman (alone,of course) guess what? The price dropped more than 50%. Pretty clearly, they had factored in a clean-up-after-a-party expense.
35
@SR but it was nice of them to drop the price you had already agreed to pay.
7
@SR
However, the question is whether "getting ripped off" is already preceded in the business owner's mind by race. That's what this article is about.
7
@SR Non-smoker's voices stay young sounding. I got asked to speak to my mother in my 50's.
7
Disclaimer - I am a white woman. In the 1980's I was wearing an extremely expensive coat while shopping in a Maas Brothers department store. Suddenly I was accosted by a security guard who accused me of stealing the coat from their designer room. I removed the coat and showed him the label from a private store with my monogrammed initials. That gave me an idea of what people of color must go through on a regular basis. That decade I was also in Tiffany's in NYC and was trailed so closely by the security guard that I gave up and left. In the 1990's when I worked for myself in a male dominated industry, I was at a supply house where customers paid by check. I was told even though they could verify my check, they wanted cash. To add insult to injury, the manager informed me that I reminded him of the type of person who would "go up in a bell tower and start shooting." I replied that if that feeling ever overcame me, I would make sure to start with him. Some people are just hateful and looking for an opportunity to lay their rage off on another. When it is racial, ethnic, sexist, or ageist, it is systematic. My mantra today is "shop online."
72
@Eli, the minute shopping online became possible, it became my default, for all the reasons you mention and many more.
16
In order to ally the fears or suspicions of store clerks, I would often place the items I was interested in on the counter as if it were too inconvenient for me to hold onto them while I shopped. At almost 60 years old, I can't count the number of times I was told how 'well I spoke' or how articulate I was. This is a fact of life if you're black.
245
My wife is biracial and has dealt with the same thing. She is called articulate so often- she is. However, she is instead angry with her fellow people of color for not emphasizing education and being articulate.
26
@Joan Grangenois-Thomas
Horrible. I'm sorry for these indignities. No one should have to undergo such treatment.
4
@Mark
wow. just ... wow.
could your wife be generalizing just a bit? does she not know there's a significant black middle and upper class of well-educated, law-abiding doctors, lawyers, teachers, architects, artists, journalists, accountants ...
6
Interestingly, the situation for men in our culture has some similarities. They are most starkly outlined in certain places, such as family court where perjorative assumptions, prejudice, and injustice are open and plain to see. They are more subtle but pervasive and internally altering in other common situations, such as social interactions in the work place. In the work place, for example, successful men have to police their every word and action to ensure that they don't get labeled as one of those kind of guys.
23
@MHW If a man is successful he most likely has some soft of impulse control. Are you really suggesting that exercising this impulse control when interacting with others in the workplace is a burden? Some men misbehaved in the past because they were not likely to be subject to the consequences of their actions. Now times have changed.
2
Absurd comparison.
Ah yes, the plight of the poor put-upon male.
Always having to be so careful not to behave like a sexual predator.
Hint: this isn't difficult.
And you're not the victim.
This issue is a little more complicated. I live in a city which many Americans would consider very liberal. African Americans are free to live anywhere they want. Yet many of them tend to self-segregate, living in predominately black residential areas. I also notice that other ethnicities Hispanics, Asians, etc. do the same thing. If you look closely you will find self-segregation by religion too. One of my friends is an Orthodox Jew. He lives in a small self-contained Orthodox community. Anyone could live & be welcome where he resides but none choose to. Which is the crux of the problem, if there is indeed a serious problem. Left to our own devices we as Americans tend to self segregate by race, religion, gender, class, sexual orientation,& a host of other things. The real estate industry is simply reflecting that. The work on commission. The faster they can sell a house, the more money they can make. They are incentivized to steer clients to areas that past experience tells them they will be more likely to purchase a home. Not everyone wants to live in a diverse community. Nothing wrong with that. And here's the dirty little secret that no one wants to talk about. The Fair Housing Act can't force us to start integrating, especially if we freely choose not to. Clearly many of us have chosen to live where we feel comfortable. The only way to change this is “mandated social engineering.” But that isn't the answer it goes against our nature. Let's don't stress out over this.
113
@Bill Brown
The FHA can’t force people to integrate, and no one said it would. What it can, should, and will do is let individuals make their own informed choices, rather than have others limit their choices without their knowledge. Seems legit.
63
I live in a decidedly “white” neighborhood. It has been easily the most inhospitable in terms of neighborly interactions. I can best describe my new neighbors as confused when my family first moved in - asking if I was new to the city even though I had lived here for nearly 20 years. That I had somehow gotten lost on the way to Bed Stuy was the overwhelming feeling. When walking our dog I’ve had people assume I’m her hired dog walker.
I’m regularly described by others as being friendly,approachable, and funny. As the new person, I struck up conversations and made efforts to get to know people. Yet a few years in, I am left out, disregarded, and forgotten. Sometimes this garners a day-of invite when there is plain evidence of the slight. I have lived in several Brooklyn neighborhoods and have never felt this way. All former neighborhoods were more diverse.
I used my free will to live where I wanted. If I choose to “self segregate” at this point, it will be to preserve some dignity and humanity for myself and my family.
126
@Bill Brown. If something as small, or big, as "I want a home with at least one neighbor like myself" nearby (choose one single factor) is part of a home search then neighborhoods will automatically become segregated in a very short time. It's really amazing.
5