Elegaic. Horrendously sad but piercingly true.
2
I feel deep sympathy for Ms Fugett and even more for the man she loved and who suffered so much.
And yet, the emphasis on American lives depresses me. Each war which America wages causes untold suffering on non-Americans.
When will we realize that we are drunk on the power of the American military and cause so much suffering on other men and other widows?
We press a button somewhere in America and poof goes the life of yet another non-American.
Libya is currently in a state of chaos. How many of us know that it was an American drone, at the orders of president Obama, which saw to it that Gaddafi, then ruler of Libya, could not escape his enemies and was lynched by "our" allies?
1
Not much in this world brings me to tears- this did. You are as much of a “warrior” as your husband was, providing the loving care that he needed. You have my utmost respect. I am glad that you are young- time is on your side to help eventually move on.
Your husband was killed in Iraq- he just waited to die later. Why shouldn’t he be counted amongst the others killed there? When does “wounded” become “killed while on duty”? What about all the other veterans that waited to die stateside from wounds, drugs, homelessness, etc? If they were included, our casualty figures for Iraq/Afghanistan would skyrocket. They, like your late husband, were casualties of war.
I wish you a peaceful life,
An old veteran
3
This story is so sad...sorry for Ms. Fugett's loss as it will never heal.
The wars in the middle east are just very far away. The horror of what is happening there do not hit the front doors of most people in the US. Out-of-sight in the middle east wars means too far out-of-mind.
We have to support our soldiers---and a lot better than we are doing so.
1
Thank you Ms Fugett. Good luck with everything. Mark
And this was all the fault of both Bush the father and Bush the son.
1
As a dissident who resisted registering for the draft I find myself committed to a reversion to required military service. Anything to dilute the narcissistic American culture that celebrates men solving problems with guns while people like Cleve die for faked purposes conjured up by pampered elites.
3
Remember when G W Bush wouldn’t allow photos of the caskets being unloaded from the airplanes? Remember how he lied about the reason for the war? Remember how most of his administration avoided the draft? Remember that he was a republican?
2
Dear Mrs. Fugett:
I am so angry and so sad that your husband's injured body and life was taken in this awful war and subsequent horrendous, incompetent treatment. I have seen war as a civilian in Israel and it is fearful beyond words.
I hope you know that your words are immensely powerful. I hope too that you have comfort when you need, and much compassion.
I lived full time in Cottage Grove (20 miles north of Drain) the last 24 years, and the last 40 years in the upper Willamette valley, and I've witnessed the economic collapse of the timber industry as a large-scale employer and the associated economic disruption of lives and generations of the inhabitants. One need not go to war to witness the destruction of families and individuals.
Trumps "doesn't matter" statement this week as a justification for the US missile strike that killed Gen. Suleimani shows just how flippant Trump is. 11 soldiers suffered such traumatic brain injuries as a result of the Iran missile attack response they had to be transferred to more sophisticated medical facilities in Germany and Kuwait. These 11 and their loved ones are now casualties of this narcissist in the Oval Office, sacrificing others for his ego. In addition to the 176 deaths from the missile downing of the Ukrainian Airliner.
It's Saturday morning and I removed my eyeglasses as the tears are heavy and so is my heart. The keys are hard to see and the screen is a blur.
What can one say? How can we do this as a nation? Why do we do this, invade sovereign countries and maim and kill? We are no better than the monsters that killed millions in the 1930's and 1940's.
Why does this continue? Oil? Weapons manufacturers greed? Ego? Power? Our "right" to enforce Democracy on others?
Part of Karie Fugett's extremely touching life essay states, in part, ..."Since we first went to war in Afghanistan in 2001, 7,013 service members have been killed and 53,088 have been wounded in conflicts in the Middle East and Afghanistan."..
How many additional members of the Armed Services have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Hundred of thousands? How many more will become addicts? How many more will commit suicide?
"I'm Sorry" doesn't cut it. "Praying for all" doesn't cut it.
I'm 77 and the only war that was needed to be fought in my lifetime was WWII.
How can the United States be considered "the best Country in the World" by anyone?
Dear Ms. Fugett, I am so very sorry for your loss. You must cringe every time you hear one of "leaders" in Washington ramble on about supporting the troops, when they forget the families of the troops and especially those they leave behind.
And of course we have POTUS bone spur who is just aching to support the troops by sending them to war, because after all isn't that what they signed up for.
Dear Ms. Fugett: It would have been nice if you had acknowledged also all the civilians killed in Iraq and Afghanistan that never enlisted for anything. That is the true cost of the war.
1
Sadly, the Nation's Leaders who sent others to fight and die into a War of choice, not of necessity, avoided their own call to serve: Bush Junior, Cheney, Rumsfield, tRump, etc, etc.. This is part of the reason that the RePubs secretly enjoy great economic inequality: those who are left at the bottom of the Economic Ladder, must offer themselves up for sacrifice in service to this Nation, in return for a chance at the AmeriKKKan Dream. Thereby putting themselves at the mercy of merciless and heartless leaders.
Remember, he volunteered.
He and Karie should both be proud of that fact.
We, the people, should not feel guilty.
Your beautiful and brutal essay should shake the casual unthinking commitment of our society to waste every year more treasure than any of us can comprehend. Please, television news gods, , take just one hour from the repetitive coverage of our continuing tribal warfare, and tell us why our nation spends so much to kill and destroy without so much as a thought for people like Cleve -- much less Karie.
The sacrifices of soldiers and their families – I have two sons in the military – is unfortunate, but necessary. And some folks, being personally affected, cling to the Billy, Don’t Be a Hero mindset. Which is understanable. One might value freedom passionately, but still blanch when defending it imposes such extreme personal costs.
War is never desirable. But imposed religion, slavery, or a tyrannical socialist economic system is too high a price to pay. Freedom is not the default setting; only when good people put their lives on the line to defend it is freedom possible.
No one is ever pro-war; the question presented is always whether the fight is worth the cost. In Afghanistan and the Middle East, the answer to that question is a resounding “NO”!! There is nothing there (with the exception of Israel) worth a single drop of American blood or one taxpayer dollar. Americans fight for honorable reasons; in that part of the world, when essentially no people – and certainly none in power – share our devotion to freedom, American sacrifices of blood and treasure are folly. Who really cares what faction of nutcases prevails in Iraq? It’s simply not out problem.
I would have fought for America and I’m insanely proud that my sons donned the uniform. But I can’t see why the US chose to deploy them to an African backwater. If , ala South Korea, someone fights for freedom, we should not hesitate to help. Which side in Syria is the good guys?
We should bring our soldiers home.
"Project Victory,"
GOP double think.
GOP marketing of the worst insensitive form--
They should have called project Thoughts and Prayers.
2
If only the Trumps could be a Gold Star family, maybe the stable genius would begin to understand. But, alas, that will never happen. They will send others while they build hotels and shoot endangered animals. Oh, and run their mouths.
2
I am sorry for your loss and I wish you a joyous future.
To many of us the idea that sending young Americans to kill people in other nations will bring about peace or even compliance is patently absurd on the surface. Not only is war idiotic, not only does it direct resources to killing instead of education, not only does it cause immense immediate damage, it also causes traumas that will haunt families for generations as you well know.
From here it is easy to see that war a relic of our lizard brains but it isn’t obvious to the brave politicians, sending other people’s children to war.
Find your joyous future, but keep telling your story. Maybe some of these brave politicians will eventually notice that killing doesn’t often lead to peace.
1
In 1942 my grandfather put a bullet through his head on the battlefield near Kyiv. His unit was surrounded and he knew what Nazis did to Jewish POWs. He was 25. His widow, my grandmother, left with a months-old baby who became my mother, became a successful lawyer, a judge and eventually immigrated out of the USSR. She died at the age of 96, having seen her great-grandsons grow up. I knew the story of my grandfather from my early childhood and I have always been proud of him. He was a hero who died in a just and necessary war. His memory have inspired generations of our family. Some wars are good, some are bad. People suffer and die in both but it does not mean that we need no military. Instead we need better politicians who know when to fight and when to negotiate.
13
Dear Karie Fugett:
I join all the readers in thanking you for sharing your story with us. It is moving and powerfully expressed. I'm the daughter of a WWII veteran, and while I have never served, I have had the privilege of working with the US Military. We Americans don't seem to fully appreciate that our freedom, and security, are gifts that are given to us every day by people like you and your husband, the 1% who serve and the famlies that support them. We take too much for granted as a nation. We need to give back. We need to serve YOU.
I truly wonder what it will it take for us to use our voices and votes to stop unnecessary warfighting? And to fight for peace? What will it take for us to take better care of military families and veterans in our communities? Please know that you have incited me to action to do more of both.
I will keep you and all the Gold Star families in my prayers.
God bless the US Military and their families. Your sacrafice is inestimable and we need to honor and support you every day. We simply need to do better. With the greatest respect, I honor your husband's memory and wish you peace.
Dear Karie:
So, so tragic. But please don't let this horrific loss define your life forever more. Open yourself to possibilities. Meet people, form friendships. Eventually someone will come along to share your life. You will never forget, never. But you will know happiness again if you take this risk.
3
I felt deep sadness in reading this article, but also some trickles of hope. It is maddening to consider that our medical establishment so excelled at keeping Cleve from dying from his physical wounds, yet so utterly failed to address his psychic wounds. The inheritance of war is a hard thing to articulate, but I imagine you live it and breath it every day. To you, and all who live with the daily cost of war, I send a blessing- that within the darkness, the glimmer of our collective grief may grow strong. A prayer that our children might know a world where our sense of community outshines the falsity of our separateness.
I'm very sorry for your loss, God bless. I'm also glad that you shared your story with us. All Americans should read first hand accounts of veterans and the families they leave behind.
Members of my black African, white European, brown Indigenous and yellow Asian family have served in every America war since the Revolution.
All lived to not speak nor write about their 'exploits'.
Two knew and served alongside George Washington throughout the Revolution.
Two served in the Civil War. One fought on the side of the Confederacy while white. The other on the side of the Confederacy and the Union while a free-person of color and a Buffalo Soldier afterwards.
One was black while a blacksmith and horse whisperer /caretaker during World War I.
Five including my father and uncles while black during World War II. Including a living uncle who had the misfortune to be black while at Iwo Jima. He is among the coldest and cruelest humans that I have ever known.
Two cousins survived combat in Vietnam. One committed suicide after drifting into drug addiction and petty crime. While the other changed his identity after being treated for PTSD and depression at Walter Reed. Leaving his widow and sons in shock after his death when they discovered who he and they really were.
Since 9/11/01 a mere 0.75% of Americans have volunteered to wear the military uniform of any American armed force. Where they have been ground to emotional, mental and physical dust by repeated deployments in foreign ethnic sectarian civil wars that have no military solution.
While the rest of us claim to be brave honorable patriots by rising to sing the national anthem at sports events.
1
I stood in a long line at a book signing soon after Fortunate Son, the autobiography of Lewis Puller, Jr., was published. He was a valiant Marine who incredibly survived losing both legs and some fingers when he tripped a booby-trapped howitzer round in Vietnam. The blast was in 1968.
He died in 1994, from a self-inflicted gunshot.
War does indeed have ripple effects.
1
A heart-wrenching story. Thanks so much for publishing this. Let's face it -- Wars are begun by people who do not send their kids off to fight and get maimed or killed. And those wars are often covered by reporters who have never worn a uniform and whose children will never wear one. The brutal dumbness of the Bush and Obama years will haunt us for generations I fear.
2
What a terrible story, but it’s another story of war. I wish that every wife and mother of an 18-25 year old man could read this and tell her husband/son of the tragedy they could face by signing up for the Marines. But up against the horrid pretend glamor of the TV commercials for the Marines at every major sporting event, the Marines win, even if there is no glory. And we have to spend those gynormous military tax dollars somewhere, don’t we. I say no; cut those taxes if you’re going to cut any taxes. Hurt that military-industrial complex a bit.
1
I'm slightly conflicted on this one. Empathetic certainly but I need to ask a question: Why the Marines? Since the end of the draft, the US military has acted as a catch-all social welfare program for economic aspirants. If you want to move up the social ladder, the military provides a good, if sometimes dangerous, way to accomplish that task.
However, the service is still voluntary. You get to choose your branch and sometimes your job as well. Aptitude is the only true limiting factor. My advice to anyone thinking about joining the military would be to choose the smartest job in the smartest branch they can possibly qualify. If you can work out the details, school beforehand might get you a paid position as an officer or a specialist too. A few years debt might be worth it.
Signing up for the USMC however makes you a rifleman or riflewoman first. You better know that going in. You don't join the Marines without the full expectation of getting mortared, bombed, and otherwise shot at. Even with a poor ASVAB, you could have chosen the Army with a predetermined MOS. With a good ASVAB, the Air Force and Navy are readily available.
So why the Marines? No one asked Cpl. Jimmy Cleveland Kinsey II to go there looking for opportunity. He chose that branch for a reason. A slow unfortunate death was the result. However, the choice was still his to make.
In 1969,rather than taking a chance with the draft lottery, my husband chose to join the Marines. Why? He knew he would be going to Vietnam and wanted the training that he believed would afford him the best chance of staying alive. He did come home without physical scars but emotionally,it was another story. In 2017, forty seven years after returning from Vietnam,he died of lung cancer as a result of exposure to Agent Orange.
1
“The hapless soldier’s sigh / Runs in blood down palace walls.” True in William Blake’s “London,” and true for us today. May you find comfort in your loss, and thank you for your essay.
2
I fail to understand how anybody can read accounts such as this and then support our lying government in the pursuit of regime-change wars the world over. Can we not also give a thought for the traumatized families on the "other side"?
3
I'm so sorry for your loss. We meddle in foreign countries that we have no business being in let alone sending our young, brave, and most patriotic men and women to. We have to stop this charade of war, and stop calling the men and women we send there "troops". They're people. Beautiful souls like you.
2
powerful sentiments and words. Ms Fugett is fortunate to have a platform to express them. now imagine the millions of similar people in poor countries ravaged by American wars of choice and murderous weapons and commanders and politicians of both parties. who will speak for the suffering of these poor souls? Not fat cat Americans, worried about their personal comfort and entirely lacking in empathy for others.
sorry for your loss Ms Fugett, but unless hundreds of thousands of Americans suffer misfortune similar to yours, America will continue to wreak violent havoc on the rest of the world.
3
I lived full time in Cottage Grove (20 miles north of Drain) the last 24 years, and the last 40 years in the upper Willamette valley, and I've witnessed the economic collapse of the timber industry as a large-scale employer and the associated economic disruption of lives and generations of the inhabitants. One need not go to war to witness the destruction of families and individuals.
Trumps "doesn't matter" statement this week as a justification for the US missile strike that killed Gen. Suleimani shows just how flippant Trump is. 11 soldiers suffered such traumatic brain injuries as a result of the Iran missile attack response they had to be transferred to more sophisticated medical facilities in Germany and Kuwait. How many of these 11 and their loved ones will now be casualties of this narcissist in the Oval Office, sacrificing others for his ego. In addition, the 176 deaths from the missile downing of the Ukrainian Airliner also weigh on the POTUS decision.
1
Devastating. I am crying reading this.
Of all the evils into which humans can enter, war is the worst. Chest-thumping politicians start wars for their country and for national honor. Some even consider the financial costs of war. Few consider the lives which will be lost when the dogs of war are loosed. None consider the ripples of pain and loss to follow war's tsunami throughout the world.
A fair God would require everyone hectoring for war to name one of his children to be given up for war, like Agamemnon did with his daughter Iphagenia in Euripides' drama of 405 BCE. A national draft without exceptions for wealth or "bone spurs" would suffice today.
If we stopped wars, we would end the psychic destruction wars bring to individual fighters, their families and our countries.
May your efforts to grow moving words and thoughts as well as good crops bring you peace, Ms. Fugett.
2
Karie, allow me to echo your friend, Justin, and say I, too, am sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry that we as a country have elected leader after leader for almost 30 years in a row who have not experienced the exquisite, intimate loss that war causes.
I'm sorry that today there is no end in sight for this devastation of family after family, that on the contrary, we are, if anything, on the brink of yet another global conflict, a man-made catastrophe of choice, with the decision in the hands of a sorry incompetent who has not the ability to feel sorrow for another human being.
I'm sorry, Karie, truly sorry that you lost Jimmy as a result of a choice that wasn't his or yours to make.
2
If you choose to support a war, be prepared to support those who are most affected by it. War has effects that extend beyond the casualties.
This is such an important point. I am a veteran, never in combat. The hawks who bang the war drum without considering how it will impact those who answer the call, and their families, infuriate me. George W. Bush is the worst president in my lifetime because of the pain his arrogance and ignorance caused this country.
1
We have a Commander-in-Chief who has no concept of the military sacrifices of men, women, and their families. Trump just lied blatantly about the bombing in Iraq. No injuries to American troops, he lied. Of course, we now know there were several injured. This is a man who has committed adultery which is a military crime. A man who has politicized the military as though they were his personal army. A man who lies non-stop. A man who has no morals. A man who just stripped the military of money meant to keep their bases kept up in order for him to "build a worthless wall", hoping it will help get him reelected. How did America ever elect such a person? Americans have an opportunity to make amends in 2020. Vote Trump/GOP out!
1
Thank you. I've chills, tears in my eyes, and wish for nothing more than to throw my arms around you and your family in a hug. Although the eejit in the White House who spent his teens playing pretend war at NYMA has no idea what you're writing about - no idea what sacrifice is; know that there are so many of us out here that do, and we are eternally grateful to Cleve and you for the security we have here at home.
This should be read by every president and congressman who is considering the use of military force. Sadly I doubt George W. Bush and Dick Cheney will read this article and repent their unnecessary war.
My mother was a World War 1 widow and I grew up in the shadow of her anguish. She reached different conclusions about the loss she'd endured. She reasoned that no one cared about her or her husband because the war was about making money and, in that respect, had proven highly successful. Soldiers are throw-away lives in the service of profit. Don't be a sucker, she advised me so I stayed out of Vietnam. Was she wrong?
2
to continue, those with the means took in the wounded Warriors from the Charge of the Light Brigade and got them off the streets.
Fast forward to WW2 and aftermath/ personal. Father gravely wounded in France. Years of military hospitalization followed, lied to about a decision not to remove shrapnel embedded in his spine. Suffers ongoing, civilian doctors don't know about the shrapnel, don't do simple xrays, misdiagnose, prescribe a new to them drug, cortisone. Then more cortisone, and other concoctions because nothing seems to work.
He dies, government denies everything. Family is cut off from War Veterans disability benefits.
His young brother followed him to the fray, and he too was wounded but was treatable. He was recycled to fight in Korea.
The latest generation isn't the first to suffer, but I would stand with them any day, any where to try to advocate real diplomacy over the alternative.
This woman is also a wounded warrior in many ways. She is trying in her own way to fight a battle that needs to be fought, a fight for reason, for rational action by State actors, a fight for not only the soul of America, but the soul of Western Democracies.
The love of her life was taken from her due to hostile actions by a State actor, her State. The needs of her love. her Soldier, weren't adequately addressed by those charged with the responsibility to do so. That isn't a new phenomenon. Neglecting returning Soldiers needs has a long and inglorious history. I take no comfort in saying that but history, and my own family experiences attest to the truth of that statement.
Many folks have heard of the Charge of the LIght Brigade which was a military debacle that was spun by the elite as a Glorious sacrifice by brave Soldiers who wholeheartedly defended the Empire that sent them there.
The bulk of the British Army weren't so different to those who serve in the US military now. The Canon fodder were not persons of station. But it's what became of those Veterans I want to point to. The last of Light Brigade, the physically wounded, the emotionally scared, the 20 something living on the streets of 19th Century England with no means of support.
Someone in the Gentry pitied them, a poet if memory serves. A newspaper took up his cause. Those better off took up their cause, but not the Government. They were yesterdays heroes
reached word limit, continued..
Dear Ms. Fugett, thank you for this Op-Ed. I hope you enough of a family support system to help you through this trying time. When my Marine nephew was in Afghanistan and Iraq I could see the daily stress on my brother and his wife.
I want all members of Congress to remove their American flag pin until they promise to institute a draft before they authorize another war. The pain of losing a member of your family must be felt by every family in our country not just a few.
They should not hide under the desk under this overused AUMF and pretend the President has authority to fight some unknown enemy who might have done us wrong.
If we made public colleges and universities free, gave our citizens a universal basic income, and definitively ended the draft, then politicians wouldn’t be able to send young people into war unless a foreign army was landing on Long Island or California.
Accidental or deliberate nuclear war remains a danger as great as global warming. We haven’t seen how bad war can get.
1
If you don't take anything else away from this sad and eloquent piece by this courageous woman - remember this:
"The cost of war is every citizen’s burden to carry, not just the burden of those willing to fight. If you choose to support a war, be prepared to support those who are most affected by it. War has effects that extend beyond the casualties."
- USN Retired
3
Dear Ms. Fugett,
Yours is one of the most moving and heart breaking essays I have read. I mourn your loss and admire your resilience. I have never served in the military and, like most Americans, when I see a veteran I thank him/her and move on without much reflecting on the suffering and pain that war inflicts on our soldiers and their families. Thank you for sharing your story and making me more aware of the true cost of conflict.
1
Thank you Ms Fugett for telling us about the ripple effects if war. I am opposed to all wars which involve deaths of innocent civilians and I am particular against regime change wars. I am thankful that our president Trump is also opposed to regime change wars and has brought us to the brink of peace not just with iran but also with countries like Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Yemen and Syria which were the regime change wars were initiated during the Bush and Obama years.
1
@Girish Kotwal
Juan Guaido in Venezuela isn't a regime change war?
Please define your view of what constitutes war.
@CA from Canada. A regime change war is one in which one ruling government democratic or not is replaced by another brought about western military . eg Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Yemen and Libya. Guido in Venezuela can with the help of the people of Venezuela replace the current regime propped up by the military. Western moral and diplomatic support is fine but military intervention is not acceptable and never will be.
1
I can’t pretend to imagine the heartache that so many veterans, their relatives, and their loved ones continue to endure.
I was sitting in a high school classroom when my teacher was told to turn the television on, the morning of September 11. At least four of the individuals sitting in that room went on to serve the military in some capacity.
One of them stepped on an IED during a routine patrol mission in Afghanistan. In his case, he had joined the Marines after successfully struggling to get clean.
Numbness can be an effective self-defense mechanism.
The cost of war of course affects far more than the combatants. But at least they signed up for it. The inhabitants of the nations we have invaded did not.
2
What a beautiful, sad tribute. Oh that we could spend our trillions on building instead of destroying.
Two thoughts: First, this young man went to war to get an opportunity to better himself. I wish well-paid jobs that have been sent overseas, and our un-repaired infrastructure could be a viable alternative for young Americans. Second: imagine the even larger number of wives grieving in the countries where we have ventured in without clear objectives. They too are victims, and likely have even fewer resources for help.
Let our leaders and theirs determine to talk their way to a solution, instead of mangling our young people this way.
1
Dear Ms Fugett, Thank you for sharing yours and Cleve's story. You are a gifted writer. It can't be easy to share such a heartbreaking, personal story. My husband served during the Vietnam War stateside in a large Naval hospital caring for the Vietnam wounded--mainly US Marines. We both saw the toll of war as I worked at the VA taking care of Young Vietnam Veterans who suffered mentally from the horrors of war. We both came to the conclusion that the cost of war is too great. You are paying too high a price and Cleve paid the ultimate sacrifice and we are still at war in the Middle East. I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathy. I wish you all success in your literacy endeavors and restoring your house. Thank you.
3
I'd also add that this isn't the first "opioid crisis" this country has gone through nor is it the first one involving vets.
The first drug laws in the U.S. restricting the selling of opioids and cocaine came about in the late 19th century largely as a result from the misery caused by their overuse and misuse by Civil War veterans who had few other options for managing pain.
We had similar problems with the use of opioids following World War II by wounded vets. And when I was a medical student in the 1970s, I saw a number of vets when I rotated through a Veteran's Administration hospital who had become addicted to heroin as a result of war related physical and psychological trauma.
2
Ms. Fugett, I am so sorry for your loss. If leaders everywhere were as conscious of the the ripple effects on families anywhere of their actions when they commit or threaten violence, whether we call it war or not, maybe we would have a different world. Occasionally, it's from necessity. All too often it's to satisfy a leader's vanity or for perceived politcal benfit.
I am reminded of trump's comments in response to the Iranian missile strike. When he asked about American deaths, he said the reply was "none, SIR" (puffing out his chest); about injuries "none, SIR". We now know the latter to be false, and that about 13 injured were taken to a military hospital in Germany, some with traumatic head injuries. I don't doubt for a second that he either made it up, or that it was reported to him by one of his many sycophants who knew otherwise. He cares nothing about the military or their families , other than to exploit them to his advantage.
Anyway, sorry to vent like this. My heart goes out to you.
13:20 EST, 1/14
1
Obviously everyone feels sympathy for Ms. Fugett and all the other family members of veterans who suffer similar tragedies.
However, as a pain management physician, there are things about which I'm confused. She describes Corporal Kinsey as becoming addicted to his opioids for pain. Yet it appears these were providing clear benefit to him for this. Also, it isn't clear whether the overdoses were intentional or accidental. With regard to the latter, patients something have such severe pain and in an effort to relieve it, take more than the prescribed dose. This is different from an intent to kill oneself. And if a patient is taking more than prescribed, the prescribing physician needs to explore why this is.
As to those military hospital not equipped to treat his addiction, I think the problem is more complicated than this. The problem is that in most hospitals, military or civilian, it is the anesthesiologists who are considered the experts on pain. Unfortunately, few have much training or experience in managing addiction while psychiatrists who do have training in this are infrequently involved in the management of pain.
It's important to note that there are non-opioid medications and non-pharmacologic treatments for chronic pain that are often not only as efficacious as opioids but, in many cases, even more so. I don't want people to think that it is opioids or nothing.
3
December 30, 1968 my brother died in Vietnam. I still remember hearing the knock on the door and seeing the two marines and our pastor expressing their condolences to my mother. My father was working the evening shift and I had to call him to come home. He most likely knew what news awaited him at home. More than 50 years later that night still haunts my memory. Each time I read that a service man or woman has died I realize this horrible drama is being played out yet again, a drama that will take on a life of its own.
Our greatest generation will be the generation that halts this horror. We truly need to understand and study history better so as to avoid these deadly mistakes that bring nations to war.
12
Ms. Fuggett,
In reading your story an old thought came back to me. Are the US Armed Forces really made up of volunteers who want to serve our country out of love and patriotism, or is it the only path out of poverty for many Americans that can’t make it big in pro-sports?
At no moment in your beautifully written essay you said your husband loved America and wanted to serve the country back for what it stands the most - freedom and human rights.
Let me ask you a question. Had your husband been provided with quality education, financial support throughout college and and a path to financial freedom as a crop duster, would he ever consider joining the military? Had you been able to help him financially, would he have volunteered? Based on what I read on your opinion piece, the answer is ‘no’, and with that said, I conclude that the American Armed Forced aren’t really a volunteer force, but a desperate path for young men and women running away from poverty.
14
@BWCA There is something everyone can do- have your school or school board put limits on the military recruiter presence in high schools, where the recruiters can often be found in the cafeteria with the free and reduced lunch tables. No Child Left Behind mandates that military recruiters have access to students' home info and to students in schools, but schools can legally regulate how much access is allowed. Until we nationally allow the military to prey on our youth, we can't really call it a volunteer army at all.
1
I’m very moved by this young widow’s story and hope she finds some joy and peace going forward. Every story is different but all are similar at the same time. The overwhelming sense of loss and grief.
1
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Can I add that death is not the only penalty that families pay? As I watch my son trying to rebuild his shattered life after his military career (which left him with permanent PTSD), I grieve for the man he wanted to be as he struggles with trying to exist every day. You don't have to die to lose opportunities to live a full and satisfying life; as you state being alive under some conditions makes you question the quality of the life being lived.
5
I a moral society, a reasonable number of Presidents, their Cabinet members, their staff and all members of Congress . . . would have representation on the front lines of combat.
Now we all know that would never happen because we as a country are oblivious to such events.
What makes matters far worse is that the national media as whole really doesn't care unless it somehow affects election outcomes . . . in favor or disfavor of "their" party.
2
This is why I am a one issue voter. The only Middle Eastern country that has fulfilled the promise of the Arab Spring is the only country we had nothing to do with- Tunisia. I will only vote for a Presidential candidate who promises to keep us out of the Middle East. Right now my only choices are Bernie Sanders and Tulsi Gabbard. Thank you for this article. Most of us live in a bubble and have no idea of the consequences of our foreign policy.
8
@ThirdWay Tulsi Gabbard was and is my choice. She was the initial candidate strongly advocating getting out of endless wars despite attacks from most of the other candidates, particularly Harris and Buttigieg. I hope she starts to emphasize other policies she supports. Nothing can be done on all the other desirable policies by democrats until we stop wasting our treasure and future on these endless wars. China is not spendind its future on endless wars. They are building an infrastructure on trade and we are not.
1
Thank you for your eloquent essay on the costs of war. I have a family members that are currently serving but for now, are not in a combat zone. I can sleep at night for now.
Two stories have come to light in the last month that should have gotten HUGE press that went almost unnoticed.
The Afghanistan papers which clearly show we have now been lied to by 3 presidents over our progress and our long range plans for that Region.
And, the unforgivable comments by our current resident of the White House to Laura Ingraham regarding our troops that have been sold to the Saudi's for a billion dollars that has "been deposited" in the bank. We now have more troops in the region not less.
These two items that should have raised the hairs on the back of everyone's neck but were ignored because of the overwhelming firestorm of this administration.
These situations being ignored will lead to more loss of life, of more heart wrenching losses and I am devastated knowing this.
8
Heart-breaking.
Given that we have an all-volunteer force, I wonder if some of the pushback from conservative politicians against higher education subsidies, Medicare for All, and low-skill job programs is because they are afraid of losing their pool of potential soldiers.
After all, if we had public education that was K through college, would we still get so many citizens volunteering for the military?
14
Beautifully written, poignant, most of all sad. A reminder to those of us who never served of the tragedy and heartbreak that too many military families must endure.
3
I sickens me that our civilian and military leaders keep getting us involved in no-win wars (Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan) that take a staggering human toll. If we hadn't gotten involved in these quagmire wars, the world would have been much better off -- and no one would have heard of the Department of Veterans Affairs. There only one sane response to all of this: we should severely cut back our failed $800 billion/year military, and divert that money to constructive pursuits that help people rather than harm them. My heart goes out to Ms. Fugett and all the victims of war.
13
If I was active duty military (I'm a little too old) I would hand in my papers rather than serve under Colonel Bone Spurs, who as we all know according to him, spent the the 1960's fighting std's.
Those who rationalize this by saying that they "honor the office" are being delusional.
15
Thank you so much for your letter. We need more of these, written to every newspaper and Posted on billboards.
Were it the case that the children of the President, Vice President, their counselors, and of the members of Congress were required to be in the military to fight in the war zones, we might see different policies.
If the children of wealthy families were required to fight in these wars, we might see different policies. Perhaps we should reinstate the draft, putting the children of elected officials first in line.
12
January 18, 2020
I am a Vietnam Veteran and my service
( Army Sp 5 1967 -1968 )was knowing what our country would be if military service is avoided. In God we trust and with that banner a leap of faith for America's leaders to define and give cause for the warring that manifest historically. I have learned to live with contradictions, paradox, and as well hope and faith that America's collective journey will resolve and its wins and loses as much humanism can guide the love in all times and persons that give their all in life and death.
2
With you one that. Sole surviving son of Navy man caught last torp from U boat off US coast WWII days out of NY port on convoy duty. Half crew died in a few minutes as converted yacht split apart. About only blessing was his unmarried widow carried me to term for 8 months in depth of that struggle.
Navy benefits helped later, college & avoid Vietnam. Dad only 21 and maybe same poorish South upbringing suggested USN Reserve as an out. Boom came Big Call leading to death, but instant w/o the suffering.
I've long wondered what it might have been to grow up with a father, likely ex-military had he made it. Uncles served & seemed Ok, but this story adds another dimension to what might have been - and if her baby had survived & faced.
Quite moving, helped me.
4
This article is a poignant reminder of the costs of war that extend well beyond the headlines and the 30 second vignettes on the nightly news. America wants its wars to be stories of military personnel surprising their family members with happy returns at football games or school functions, but the true story is wounds, pain, disability, homelessness, despair and addiction. Does are largely non-military serving class of politicians even remotely understand this? Someone please explain the critical national interests in Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, The Persian Gulf, the South China Sea and Africa that is worth this sacrifice.
9
In 1966, my father burned alive on a hillside in Laos, and in 1967, my 24-year old mother bought an abandoned 200 year old farm to rebuild with the insurance money. I can say that your farm will help, and yield unexpected beauty and hope. I can also say the pain will never leave. It’s texture changes, and you do have the power to write your own narrative. But the pain remains and is an odd pain because it is both personal and public all at once. It is your pain and a nation’s pain. It is your loss and it is a nation’s loss. These are your memories; these are a nation’s memories. I think the duality is what is most exhausting about being the survivor of someone taken by war. Take good care, and thank you for your beautiful writing.
19
This terribly sad story makes me think that part of the reason so many American politicians—and not just Republicans—are adamantly opposed to proper public health insurance is that it would be bad for recruitment, ditto the promise of free higher education and a good pension. If these things were readily available to civilian workers, who would want to stick their neck out on the other side of the world for a indifferent, barely aware nation.
23
Our nation MUST return to the draft for ALL. No deferments and the children of politicians MUST be in the front. Only by forcing all to be at risk will politicians make more meaningful decisions about conflict.
And when I think that the rich want to pay less in taxes, therefore depriving our military of needed health care and benefits, it makes my blood boil. So many, an in particular politicians and CEOs, live in luxury while this woman and others do all the suffering.
8
“ The cost of war is every citizen’s burden to carry, not just the burden of those willing to fight. If you choose to support a war, be prepared to support those who are most affected by it.”
I refuse to support any war that is being conducted by this country at present. It is obvious that the political and military leadership know that the current wars are unwinnable. The wars persist due to pride, profit and other dumb reasons. I refuse to have myself or my loved ones bear the burden.
Maybe we can all join hand and bring our troops home? The withdrawal will need to be phased and decisions that are politically difficult need to be made. However, that is better than having tragic stories like this repeating over and over again.
5
Karie, my heart breaks for you. I served in Iraq from 2004-2005 and to this day know some of my soldiers who face addictions. The VA and the medical community at large still would rather prescribe pills and get patients out of their offices than actually TREAT the causes of pain. I know, it's not an easy problem to solve and can have a zillion sources, but we owe it to ourselves to figure it out.
My small hometown in New England was destroyed by Oxycontin in the early 2000s.
And now, my pregnant wife is suffering from bad back pain. We went to the ER for help and the doctors didn't bat an eye at giving her Dilaudid and then a stash of Oxycodone to bring home. Now she's addicted, and never has a problem finding another doctor to give her more pills. I fear for what happens when (if) my child is born.
8
@CW - There are ways to gradually wean babies born addicted off of the opioids. The really good news is that many times the baby is what motivates the mother to get herself off the addiction so she can be the mother of her own baby. Never underestimate the power of love.
@CW
I'm sorry to disillusion you but in many cases of chronic pain, we have no idea what the cause is so it's impossible to treat it. To give an example, we don't know the cause of over 80% of cases chronic back pain.
One thing we do know is that there is no evidence that opioids are beneficial for the treatment of chronic pain and shouldn't be used for it. Apparently the doctors your wife is seeing don't know what they are doing.
Beautiful and timely.
“The cost of war is every citizen’s burden to carry, not just the burden of those willing to fight. If you choose to support a war, be prepared to support those who are most affected by it. War has effects that extend beyond the casualties.”
Americans not involved in the military pay no personal price for our wars. We actuality have cut taxes when we go to war? Crazy!
There should be a war tax, yes real money, set at a specific percentage taken directly from every American in accordance with income. No loopholes for corporations or the wealthy. We each need feel personally the monetary toll of war.
Maybe we wouldn’t back the lies that have put us in these wars.
AND! I doubt the wars would continue if the draft was in effect.
4
This message is not restricted to time space geography nor to religion ethnicity or types of conflicts. Death is individual but mission or cause is collective . Often the individual carrying the mission has no say ,understanding or even an inkling of the aim of the mission. Being 19 doesn’t help the individual but helps profoundly the mission. It’s presented in most abstract euphemism . This death is the result of a mission that doesn’t allow us to confront or question the mission but only allows to express sadness eulogy and gratitude for service with words and flags .
We fail our youths ,our soldiers,and our veterans intentionally and repeatedly .
I pray your love one day gives you the strength to reach out to school kids and college students and share the dream optimism cost , broken promises and also the betrayal by those much much older than a 19 yrs old .
3
"The cost of war is every citizen’s burden to carry, not just the burden of those willing to fight. If you choose to support a war, be prepared to support those who are most affected by it. War has effects that extend beyond the casualties."
Thanks Miss Karie, we need to be reminded every day, in my experience the great majority of us live our lives without ever taking into account what has been happening overseas and without more importantly bearing the burden of fighting and its aftermath.
There are two points to make, we need to end the forever wars and bring the boys and now girls home. Second reactivate the draft which will be very contentious but a little fairer.
2
Thank you for sharing your story. A poignant reminder of the real cost of war.
3
Ms Fugett, I'm sorry for your loss.
This is the smallest part of the "true" cost of the conflict though. It is sadly sadly incomplete without tallying the lives and injuries of those in the Middle East, not to mention those suffering from the rise in white supremacy here.
1
Having lost my son and knowing a few others who have also lost their loved ones in this war I can only say that it never goes away. The pain and anger diminish over time but flares back up and probably always will. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are able to so eloquently tell of yours.
7
Ms. Fugett, thank you for writing this moving piece because for people who don't know the cost of war or care, they need to be reminded.
You have done an outstanding job of informing people to know that we all suffer together and lives can not be replaced. We don't bury our loved ones and go about our business the next morning.
Our hearts break for you and for many of us who are active in the world of politics your words remind us that once again people who never left their sofa have no idea what war is all about. Ridiculous statements are from sofa kings
So many of us who have been walking in your shoes, you represent us all with grace, dignity.
We mourn with you for the love of your life and hope that our comments give you peace and happiness for the years that are in front of you.
Your husband ,was a very special person and you were lucky to have shared such a great love. He is watching over you and he will now be in our hearts remembered forever.
4
Ms. Fugett:
I understand your pain: My husband die in the Vietnam war.
I became a widow at 19. He also left his daughter, whom he never met.
Although I have remarried, I still struggle with my first husband's death. He was simply fodder for a senseless war.
45 may believe the consequences of his foreign war policy doesn't matter. But, he never had military experience. He never fought in a war. He avoided Vietnam by claiming he had bone spurs. And, he touted he dodged STDs instead of bullets.
Well, Mr. President, policy does matter. Men and women, who go to war, matter. And, the their lives matter!!
25
Thank you. Extremely powerful and beautiful. Will always remember this.
7
I cannot adequately express my thanks to this courageous woman for her sacrifice and her courage, both in surviving the tragedy of her husband’s loss and in so eloquently explaining to us this (woefully unappreciated) cost of war. Thank you. You are a hero.
I volunteered to serve as a naval aviator in the Vietnam war. I did my job, and was honorably discharged. Even though there were miserable weeks of hard work and training, even though my service interrupted my life plan by almost 4 years, even though I was scared beyond measure every time we landed on the aircraft carrier....I never suffered even a scratch. I reflect on my years in the military as an incredibly important and positive experience in my life. I learned a lot, and I was forced to grow up. When people today thank me for my service, I try to accept the comment gracefully, both as a courtesy to the intent in which it was offered but mostly on behalf of those (like the author of this piece) who deserve it. I was lucky; I do not deserve thanks. The parents, wives, children of those killed and wounded in action and the survivors with PTSD deserve admiration and thanks.
It is just and right to award medals and to support service members who deserve that recognition. It is a travesty not to spend quintuple that effort and expense to recognize and to support the surviving partners and families who sacrifice even more.
15
I have a real problem with anyone who says “They know what they signed up for” to excuse away the sacrifices of our soldiers and their families. The volunteer military is what has allowed America to drift into endless war.
For all of the problems with the draft, it at least forced people to confront the possibility that they or their loved ones might be faced with putting their lives on the line, and to ask if the cause was really worth it. It’s too easy to look the other way when the cost will fall on someone else. Most Americans don’t know anyone personally tied to the military. It is someone else’s problem.
It would make it harder for politicians to use the troops to prove how ‘tough’ they are, to rattle sabers to threaten other countries if their supporters realized it would be their lives on the line.
That the president is bragging about Saudi Arabia paying us for using our troops as de facto human shields is obscene. A man who built a career out of using other people’s money to prop up failing business deals and then walking away with the cash is the last person who should be handed the lives of our troops like a blank check.
27
So sorry for your loss, ma'am. I will remember your writing when I vote.
28
So so sorry for your loss, your pain. I wish you peace going forward.
6
I am so so sorry for your loss and the continuing pain it has caused. My husband is a Vietnam combat veteran with severe PTSD. War stole his life from him in 1972, and he will never get it back. I truly feel your pain.
12
A very touching and sad essay. Unfortunately, this is the reality of war and what should be anticipated. The wars in Iraq and Syria have been as ill-conceived and mismanaged as the Vietnam war was, proof that history does repeat itself when those in power fail to recognize their potential for fallibility. Politicians and generals are no different than children, who when having done something wrong, attempt to conceal what they’ve done to avoid punishment and humiliation. We have been far too accepting and trusting of our leaders’ reasons for initiating war, allowing them to act without accountability.
7
Reading your words should be required reading for those who have the power to send our people into harms way. The crushing burden that families must endure when their loved ones are sent into foreign lands can not be fully appreciated by those who have not been exposed to those emotions. The families of service members who have died, been wounded and or are mentally scared must carry the burden of service and freedom long after their service members duty is over. The country owes much to the families of our injured service members and we should pay that bill so they can receive comfort and dignity.
In this time of division and unfettered animosity a satellite view of the military cemeteries in Europe and the Pacific may serve to remind us that one can not discern the buried soldiers political affiliations but only that they are buried with their comrades. We owe them a debt to act as Americans and not as Democrats, Republicans or independents.
13
Dear Ms Fugett, thank you for your moving essay.
Being French, I grew up with a lot of admiration for the USA and US soldiers, remembering what have been done to liberate us, and visiting the Normandy cemetery in Colleville sur Mer to literally touch by hand what is means to die in a foreign country. Lately, I grew very hostile to the US, starting in 2003 with the lying and the unnecessary deaths that followed, on all side.
Watching "The Vietnam War" documentary by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick did not help, when one realizes the scope of US leaders duplicity,sending tens of thousands of their own people to a death they knew was pointless. I graduated from a US business school, and have seen first hand during the many 5 years Reunions that we were not sharing the same views, or rather that words had less and less the same meaning on both sides of the Atlantic.
Your essay is a fine reminder that one cannot put all Americans in the same basket as the Trump's , or Bolton's , or Pompeo's of this world. Decent people like you, your family, your friends are what really make America Great and I sincerely share your grief for your loss.
Thank you for sharing such intimate moments of your life, as it shows that what unites us is stronger than what divides us.
26
Beautifully said, Moby.
2
This moving reminder of the cost of war isn’t the forum for deep debate, but the next time you visit Normandy, consider too, the cost of years of appeasement.
Cpl. Kinsey died in combat just as surely as if his life ended the moment that explosive destroyed his vehicle. Surviving four more years of suffering and Karie's and his family's pain was another level of unspeakable cruelty.
To get through it takes bravery only very few of us can even imagine. Perhaps the best we can do now is thank Karie for the will and courage to write this, for helping make us wiser and kinder, and to wish her and her family well.
12
I'm very sorry for your family. From the outside, it looks like the military, and our vaunted government, is all bluster, promises, and sunshine when they recruit, but don't know who you are after they have used your loved one. The most danger to them seems to be when they get home, expecting to get the care they may need for the rest of their lives, not unnecessarily shortened lives.
3
Karie, Thank you for speaking for all of us. thank you for reminding those who have not been touched by war, that they really are. I have a son who came home from Desert Storm and the 82nd airborne paratroopers with PTSD. He received an award in the war and an affliction that effects his life every day. He has worked valiantly these many years to keep his life intact. He is to be awarded a PTSD dog this Spring and will go to train with his new helper. We, as his family, are so very grateful for this help.
My son came from a family that were Religious Friends (Quakers) for three generations and his father protested war and his grandfather was a Conscientious Objector in World War II, but he felt drawn to being in the military not knowing at his young age what he was risking and what he was doing to others. My heart aches at your story and I feel it in my soul. We will always be connected, even if others do not understand.
It shocks me that the current Democratic Candidates do not put war and climate change at the top of their lists of priorities and keep it there. Do they not understand humanity? Clearly our president is incapable of doing that. Will we end up with another like that?
Thank you, Karie for all you have said to all of us and know I will hold you close in my thoughts. Jinny Johnson
11
I hope the NY Times Editorial Board reads this essay as they consider who to endorse for the next president of the United States. Who is the peace candidate? I know who I am voting for, in large part because he advocates war as the very last resort. Bernie Sanders.
15
@A Stor mo Chroi
Biden has apologized for voting for the war in Iraq. Of course, that doesn't do much for those who died or were wounded in it or their families.
I have two origami flags; one from an uncle I never knew who served in WWI and one that graced the coffin of my dearest friend who served in Vietnam, flying Huey helicopters into the jungle and saving others. This wonderfully written essay should be read by President Trump who not only never served but worse, traded a doctor's lower office rent for a letter that claimed DJT had a bone spur. We know who the real heroes are; bless you Ms. Fugett.
Sorry, I forgot: "The Stable Genius" doesn't read.
104
It's considerate to provide a venue for people who have suffered the affects of violent conflicts to share their story and feelings but isn't it even more important for large media organizations to scrutinize the motivations of politicians and governments before they engage in attacking other countries? Hold their feet to the fire so to speak. I have observed the opposite all too often with media sources edging on giving support for such actions to build public support.
I agree with a previous comment about grief arising from loss of a loved one or watching them suffer as variable as the years pass, but it never goes away.
The time to speak out against hostile actions or foreign interventions is before they start, not years later.
7
@CA - "The time to speak out against hostile actions or foreign interventions is before they start, not years later."
And yet, millions of us worldwide marched in the streets to protest The Chickenhawk's, Bush and Cheney, rush to invade Iraq, a small, weak nation that had done us no harm. The tsunami of money and power, wielded by The Bigs and the MIC - the Already Rich who make Big Bucks from war and destruction - once again won the day.
“Those rich boys daydream about vast armies and navies conquering all the seas and lands while we humble folk think of boys that we know - sons even - dying in a process that benefits no one but the international banks and their lawyer-lobbyists. . . The real political struggle in the United States, since the Civil War, has been between the peaceful inhabitants of the nation with their generally representative Congresses and a small professional elite totally split off from the nation, pursuing wealth through wars that they invent and justify and resonate for others to die in.”
- "The Golden Years", Gore Vidal
In 2017 the National Defense Appropriation Act budgeted 1.4 billion dollars to the various services for recruitment and advertising. For comparison, Geico spent approximately 1.6 billion for their advertising campaigns during the same time period. I'd wager that none of those "be all you can be" ads featured soldiers rehabbing devastating injuries or families gathered around flag draped coffins at gravesides. The human cost of war is often acknowledged by politicians and military leaders but frequently under considered by young recruits. At what point will we begin to acknowledge that what our military is often fighting for is security for corporate profits and continued justification of the purchase of military hardware. To paraphrase John Kerry, "who wants to be the last person to die for a mistake" or worse, higher corporate profits for Halliburton or Armorgroup. This sad tale of Cpl. Kinsey and his wife are the images that need to adorn military advertising not hyper-macho bro's high-fiving for a military job well done. One last thing, I can't think of one military incursion of the last 65 years that began by popular request.
20
Thank you for sharing this painful story. In my extended family, one young female relative was wounded emotionally and physically in Afghanistan and will always wear scars from that conflict.
Another young man as a civilian became caught up in the drone warfare as a hobby model airplane builder who answered a little ad in the back of a magazine, with none of the rights that the military people have because he was a civilian and was told he was "unpatriotic" if he did not comply with the wishes of his unelected handlers. His parents were worried beyond words, hardly knowing where he was for months at a time and if he were OK. Finally, to make the extreme worrying stop, his beloved younger cousin and childhood playmate took his own life to save his lifelong friend and first cousin from further war deployments as a drone operator.
War destroys souls. American society, the press and those in power rarely acknowledge the harm decades of constant warfare do to countless families.
3
Dear Ms. Fugett: A wise person said that each day, one should laugh and cry at least once. Today, there's no chance that I'll find anything funny after reading your account of your family's sacrifice. Your dignified tone suggests that you know that Cleve wanted to serve his country, just like Lt. Major Khan. That your essay is published today, when the main editorial excoriated 45 for saying that the consequences of his foreign policy actions don't matter, adds to the gravity, poignancy and grace of what you lost. Tonight I'll light a candle for Cleveland and hope that it will illuminate his goodness and ease your suffering.
236
Thank you for telling us so eloquently one story in the so-called "thousand points of light." Here is one single point of light packaged and delivered by the incompetent architects of the Iraq invasion. I am especially gratified that you properly name the instrument from which this tragedy, and your grief, sprang. It was a "bomb." I was always bemused that our military leaders could not even dignify the enemies' weapons with their plain English name. As if "improvised explosive devices" were just the harmless tools of amateurish rivals.
4
God bless you and keep you, so very sorry , a Cold War Marine here, who mourns your loss.
96
I wish NY Times can publish more stories like this. Although war is bad and fighting still ongoing, but no one is paying any attention to the costs, human life, and collateral damages to society. This kind of things happens so many and so often. It is not news any more. That is a tragedy.
Why is it so hard to stop fighting? Maybe because none of my kids is in the military, and I will not let them join the army. Maybe that is why we need to start the military draft to stop the fighting.
12
Thanks for sharing your story, your struggle and your pain, the love you gave and the future you lost.
Your courage and resilience are inspiring, yet I do not let this distract from your message: War should always be the last thing we do after we exhaust any other means of resolving conflicts. The cost in human lives are far to great.
Historically, we have not done this sine WW II. All the wars since then were war of choice that benefited few and hurt many many more.
108
An incredibly wrong war and stupendously wrong medication. How many must be lost. I’m so sad for your loss. Your loss is our loss. Be well. And thank you for telling your story. I’ve been through Drain many times.
1
When I go back to 9/11, I truly hate this man Osama Bin Laden who provided the catalyst to turn our country into a police state in a state of perpetual war. And for what and at what cost? But then I am forced to admit that we did to ourselves as we gave up to fear and traded our liberties for an elusive security. And I see no end to this nightmare. I am truly sorry for your loss.
10
Narratives like this one, about the immense suffering and tragic early death of Ms. Fugett’s husband after sustaining a life-altering injury in Iraq, should be required reading for those politicians/legislators with the power to “make war.” Clearly however, this story would only be of interest to President Trump if it he were able to exploit it politically. The shameful way he has pardoned and fêted convicted war criminals like Patrick Gallagher and talked of monetizing our fighting men and women is an insult to the memory of honorable men like Mr. Kinsey. It makes me so ashamed for my country.
5
Five guys from my class went to Vietnam. Two came home. One I found living under a bridge and the other retired from the state police. All five were good guys. If we are going to have war there must be a draft. Sending non privileged citizens to fight wars that privileged politicians want is corruption at its most indecent form.
37
I became a member of the Gold Star family in April 1968 at the age of 2. I never met my father. I grew up to serve in the Air Force during the 1st Gulf war but I had experienced my best friends being sent to overthrow governments in "our"names years before. Then just when I thought I was going to get my 2.5 kids and a house with a picket fence, along with marrying the man of my dreams, I get a phone call on 23 Dec, 2004 that he was coming home in time for our scheduled wedding. Hours later I get a visit from the base CO. It was the one I had learned to never want. It has taken me 15 years to cry. Cry for the friends lost, kids who I coached, and for the kids and spouses who joined me in the Gold Star Family. I was a military brat, veteran and a strong woman, we knew this was what war looks like.
I stopped asking if my father might have lived if he had air support from W's flight training. I am still angry that voters and Congress were so easily fooled by a bad liar. But again, these elected liars have cut short millions of lives since I was born, this is normal reality, Right? A near constant state of war is all I have ever known.
186
@Sierra Morgan
Every member of congress should be required to have a son or daughter in the military. Those old men supporting war need to step back from impulsiveness, protecting strategic resources like oil, and revenge as reasons for killing other human beings. We have grown weary of war. It never stops. The draft will not be coming back soon, given how stupidly those in power have misused their positions. Everyone should get a note from their doctors stating they have bone spurs and can't serve in the military, if drafted. Let those in congress use diplomacy, compromise and tolerance instead of immediately beating the drums of war.
4
@John
Good luck with that. During the Vietnam War there were less than five members of Congress who had sons who served in it. One was Al Gore who had problems with the war but volunteered to go because he believed it would help his senator father be reelected (it didn't help).
From a thirty-year Marine and combat veteran: Well said. Thank you.
109
Has Mr. Trump read this? Will he be moved as I have been? Oh I forgot he didn’t serve in the military in fact he feigned a disability. So really he wouldn’t know.
6
@CC C
Right. He wouldn't know.
More importantly he wouldn't care.
Thank you for telling this heartbreaking and eternal story so beautifully. Another retelling, Steve Goodman's "Ballad of Penny Evans" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7mYhpcoSjc) from 1976 echoes the same experience as it came out of another war.
1
Christopher and I were friends at The Phillips Exeter Academy and lovers at Harvard. I begged him not to go to Vietnam. He said he had to because his father was in the army. I said that was not a good reason to risk his life. He was against the war. He went anyway and was killed in 1970 at the age of 22. His affair with me was a secret. No one offered me condolences. Just silence and endless pain. And the words from Isaiah: “Nor shall they learn war any more.”
10
I firmly believe that the chicken hawks who call most loudly for war do so because they have no skin in the game. You did not see the Bush children or nephews or Cheney’s daughters risking their lives in Iraq. None of Trump’s children wear the uniform. Lindsey Graham does not have loved ones who could die in any of the military conflicts he would cheerfully start.
17
@Ira Loewy
This social Democrat must gently augment your comment. Although Sen. Graham has no kin in the military he himself served 33 years as a JAG in the USAF and SC Air National Guard, retiring in 2015 when he reached mandatory retirement age. He served several short stints in Iraq and Afghanistan. We must be scrupulous in our condemnations.
@Ira Loewy
Isn't it funny how people like Trump, W., and Cheney talk about how those who serve and have served in the military are the "greatest" young people we have yet they never say that this makes their children inferior.
During WW II all of FDR's sons served in active combat and often in very dangerous roles. Think we're ever going to see anything like this again?
No, freedom isn't free. It has been purchased at a terrible cost by a small fraction of the citizens who enjoy it. And more war always means a higher price.
I am so sorry for you Karie. We as Americans do owe you a debt beyond what we can repay.
May God bless you and shine his face upon you.
9
Nobody ever wins in a war. Even the so called “winners” are losers!
We have young people who volunteer to go into the military when they could have pursued other paths. What their reasons are don’t matter. They signed up to serve, at the real risk of life and limb, and the quality of their’s and their families’ lives thereafter! For their commitment our government, our country should guarantee that such a commitment will not be frivolously invoked, for political posturing on the world stage, or just to insure Big Oil has access to all that “black gold” sitting beneath dessert sands.
It’s bad enough when our brave military have no choice (think Pearl Harbor) and thousands of lives (hundreds of thousands and perhaps millions actually) will be changed forever. But to have a single person killed for political posturing on the world stage, or in exchange for cash contributions to campaigns from the military industrial complex and from Big Oil, is so offensive that those who countenance it, should be sent to the front lines of the useless wars they, themselves propagated. And should they survive that, then send them to jail until every dead soldier they’re responsible for is “miraculously resurrected!”
2
"The cost of war is every citizen’s burden to carry, not just the burden of those willing to fight. If you choose to support a war, be prepared to support those who are most affected by it. War has effects that extend beyond the casualties."
Thank you for these important and powerful reminders.
(And let's not forget that they apply equally to the citizens of both sides of any conflict, even conflicts which we initiate.)
8
Beautifully written. This made me cry and I have no connection to these people in any way. I can't imagine the pain this strong woman has to deal with on a daily basis.
Ms.Fugett is making the point that we should all be aware of the consequences of war before we lend our support, and this is very true. But this needs to go a step further.
Her husband died from a war in Iraq; a place where her husband should not have been. He lost his leg for nothing. He lost his life for nothing. He wasn't a hero, he was caught up in a situation that cost him his life. We have to be able to say this otherwise good people like this will have to sacrifice themselves for the whims of politicians. I will be criticized for writing this but it has to be said. Just because we attack a country does not mean it makes our armed services heroic, it just means that they're pawns in a craven played by immoral people.
9
You are so right, and thank you for pointing out that we all bear the burdens of war. Your burden is incomparable. I am so sorry for your double loss, and the veil of grief that you will wear forever.
As citizens, we must elect leaders who do not begin summary attacks, unaware of the consequences. As voters, we must empower legislators who will look out for our Veterans, not offer pardons to cold-blooded killers. As voters, we must work to break the chokehold that the insurance companies have over our doctors and hospitals. We will never fix it all, but we have to start somewhere, and where we are now in taking care of our own is disgraceful.
And let’s not count only the dead: we must add to that toll the service people who come home with trauma and injuries. And let us not forget that there have been more Veteran suicides than battlefield deaths.
11
I wish there were words that could ease your pain. Please know that others wish you the ability not to forget, but to remember more the happiness that you shared.
Perhaps reinstitution of a draft, one that is equitable to all, would make our leaders more hesitant to commit to war and more eager to pursue peace.
8
@David Pasquariello
A draft will never work. If a leader doesn't have to share in the cost (life and limb, not money) of a war, they will not take the ramifications of their actions seriously.
Do you really think DJT would become more hesitate to commit to war if we had an equitable draft?! I think he has used it as a campaign tool.
3
@rf I agree, that DJT is not governed my any moral compunction. My thought is that a draft increases the likelihood that more parts of our society would share the burden, making prudence more favored. I read recently that an unintended consequence of the volunteer army is the inequitable distribution of service members from geographic and economic divisions of our nation. This contributes to our inability to reach common ground on so many issues. I hope sincerely that the next round of elections produces leaders who are less flawed.
2
I am so sorry for your loss; grief is a lifetime journey with varied intensity. I wish you peace and love.
To those who support endless wars, these stories and these lives are the cost of war — at home, and away. I have always felt the price is too high for all involved. And indeed, this country needs to offer so many a better chance at life than signing on for a sacrifice at such a young age, the likes of which the young adult brain cannot fully comprehend.
15
"The cost of war is every citizen’s burden to carry, not just the burden of those willing to fight."
I am afraid the cost of US wars has been very little to majority of Americans; that is why the US has been involved in at least one major war in every decade, for as long as I can remember.
What drives the US war machine is the symbiotic relationship between politicians and the US military-industrial complex. So, if the US public is truly committed to stopping these wars, there is a simple way to do that. Elect someone as president who is truly committed to stopping the flow of money from billionaires and corporate America into politicians' election coffers.
The wars get started by the US since they make trillions of dollars for those who own, operate, and invest in the US military-industrial complex. And, inevitably, some of that money is "re-invested" in re-election campaigns of those politicians who facilitate starting wars. That is why some politicians who are initially for diplomacy, once they get elected into the Congress, turn into war-mongers, advocating bombing this or that country.
Does anyone truly believe that Mr. Trump will think twice about starting another war in Middle East, if he is assured that it will lead to huge contributions to his campaign and to his eventual re-election?
15
I am very sorry.
War comes with costs. Sometimes wars are necessary, most times not. But in almost all cases the politicians who start the wars do not really think that the people who will die in the war are really people - if they think of them at all.
If there can be any monument to your husband, and to your grief, it should be to keep such stories in front of our leaders until they finally recognize (if they are capable of it, a question in itself) that the people who are fighting and dying in their wars are real, living people with families who will have pull themselves together in their sorrow and to go on without them.
And for what? The reason better be a good one.
I wish you all the best.
5
Heartbreaking, I'm really sorry about your loss. We need to hear more stories such as this one. War has tremendous costs, not just financially but also emotionally to those affected. And we are all affected by senseless and never-ending wars. Beautiful essay.
7
So very sorry for your loss. You and your husband are heroes. Thank you for this essay also. US people need to know and understand what is happening to so many fine young men and women.
1
Heartbreaking, there is no other word for it.
"Since we first went to war in Afghanistan in 2001, 7,013 service members have been killed and 53,088 have been wounded in conflicts in the Middle East and Afghanistan."
Until we also simultaneously acknowledge the thousands-fold devastation we cause around the world, drums of war will keep beating.
Holding the war mongers to account might also help.
11
@point-blank
"Holding the war mongers to account might also help."
yes, and if only Cheney and Bush could be forced to read and re-read this heart-rending witness of the loss of what promised to be such a loving precious family every day for the rest of their lives.
Beautiful and brilliant account of the costs of war by Karie Fugett young military widow whose 24 year old husband died of war wounds (from Ramadi, Iraq) and overdose of opioid-drug pain relievers for PTSD in 2010. A generation of young men and women have gone to their graves fighting America's wars in the Middle East. Is a purple-heart medal and an "American flag folded like origami into a perfect triangle" recompense for such young lives lost when our president makes fun of the military and gold-star families? Thank you, Ms. Fugett. Your story is a brave and true account of our American lives lost in this century.
18
This country has a way of deflecting and numbing us to the cost of war.
Every night there are feel good news segments, rife with the words "hero," banal phrases such as "thank you for your service," endless film of returning fathers and mothers surprising their children at school.
And this is how the government and the media deflect our attention from the brutal cost of war, that ripple effect that this author speaks of so eloquently.
There is mass collusion. And, as has been mentioned, at the outbreak of war we do not protest.
Wars are justified by old men like George W. Bush, Cheney, Kissinger, Pompeo, and old women like Hillary Clinton (sorry, but as a woman who protested war in the 60's, I know there are female war hawks as well).
We use these young men and women, who are attempting only to better themselves economically, as cannon fodder. And we do it with impunity over and over again.
When you vote, be sure to understand what a candidate's foreign policy views are; diplomacy or constant engagement in fighting? Respecting sovereign nations or waltzing in and dismantling countries at will (and then bragging about it as in Clinton's "We came, we saw, he died," accompanied by a little snicker).
This issue is as crucial as issues such as Medicare for All.
Please, please don't forget this woman's tearful words when you vote.
18
"If you choose to support a war, be prepared to support those who are most affected by it. " Well said.
Also, if we choose to support war, we should do some research first. Our government's choices sometimes need to be challenged. War seldom creates peace. Hate, yes. Regret, yes. On and on and on...
17
Oh, Katie, you write beautifully! Without wallowing in pain, your words convey deep truths about so often unspoken loss, at so many levels: individual, familial, local, cultural, national, and international.
I don't want to just send condolences, but so much else that I can't even define, but certainly thanks and awe for the great sacrifices your Cleve and you and so many others have made. Thank you for sharing this with us!
My internal response to your words reminds me of the way I felt when I visited Gettysburg and saw it up close as I walked through wooded and open terrain, and then broadly from a tall structure full of maps and explanation.
Know that this old Boomer, English major, and retired therapist has been moved and perhaps changed by your words. I would like to be around to read what you have to say to us ten, twenty and thirty years from now.
26
Ms. Fugett, thanks so much for sharing your poignant story with the world. I hope you find peace and happiness in your future. And I do hope every politician who sees war as a career move will read your story, and grapple with their own depravity. Let us all hope for better leadership around the globe.
15
I share in extending my condolences to this widow. I’d point out that her late husband became, by conscious choice & not by conscription, a member of the uniformed services whose stated purpose is war-making and who therefore, by choice, expose themselves to lethal force directed at them. He weighed the benefits versus the costs of choosing the military as a career and found the benefits convincing. He might have chosen any number of other careers to pursue- butcher, baker, candle-stick maker-but he chose a profession that the life-insurance industry explicitly excludes from coverage. I feel for her loss but I feel more for his poor judgement in career choice.
10
@Lewis Sternberg
"He might have chosen any number of other careers "
how cruel, did you really read her essay?
She explained fully why he, like many, still young, with limited resources and great patriotism, get lured into the military.
He did plan another career, once he, so young at the time, got on his feet.
7
@Lewis Sternberg
Col. Kinsey signed up to defend and protect his country. He was maimed (and eventually died of it) 6900 miles from his home because he was sent to occupy another man's land. If I sign up to be a fireman, I don't expect to die because some arsonist set the local fireworks factory alight. The point is, don't treat your soldiers like disposables just because they are willing to sacrifice everything they have.
6
@Lewis Sternberg
So..... what are you suggesting Lewis, no armed forces?
4
Karie - thank you so sharing your story and reminding all of us of the terrible price of any war and how much war can impact the soldiers, their families and their communities.
18
No one, except someone who has been through this could really understand I’m a nurse. My husband is a Vietnam veteran. We have gone to the veteran’s hospital numerous times. We see the injured, the maimed. We see their loved ones.
Thank you for sharing your story. If only more could know what a military service really is and what it really means.
We must strive to protect our country, but not with war. If only there could be more understanding.
Perhaps it is wrong of me to bring up our President here. But I fear he has no understanding. He dodged his service. He adores leaders of countries that have the ability to do us great harm. Yet he is our Commander in Chief. How can that be?
My sincerest condolences for your sadness and for the pain, mentally and physically, your husband and others endure and have endured, and will endure. My condolences for the pain the families and those close to these servants have endured. It is unfair. It will always be unfair.
51
My deepest sympathies for what you and Cleve's family have gone through. My heart breaks for the pain Cleve endured.
When I, and I imagine most civilians, think about battlefield casualties, we do not consider those who barely survive long term. We tend to think our servicemen and women are either killed outright, or patched up in a military hospital and sent home cured. Story over. This narrative, and those that have been coming out regarding the struggles with opioid addiction and long term pain management , remind us that war is never restricted to soldiers and their families. War is a scourge on our society as a whole, and those who blithely advocate for it are at best, misguided, and at worst are pure evil.
18
We are to blame for this woman's and her families tragedy and the millions as terrible in this century here and abroad. Most of us are so ready to embrace military adventures when they begin- at that crucial point in time when they could and often should be prevented by an outcry from citizens.
GW's popularity soared when he announced to America the planned invasion. "Liberal" newspapers like the one you are reading gave the enterprise and enthusiastic thumbs up.
When the terrible consequences began to mount, the American people threw their support in reverse and blamed the leaders they empowered for the disaster it had become.
We were so upset we even elected America's first black president primarily because he bravely risked his political career by criticizing the war from the beginning. And even this man couldn't stop the war we had publicly condemned.
Yes, the military industrial complex and its political influence needs to be stopped- the makers of weapons and jails should never be allowed to contribute a dime to political officials. But as long as votes largely influence who leads us, we will share the responsibility for where they lead.
48
Thank you for writing this powerful story. The word sorrow hardly does justice to your experience.
"The cost of war is every citizen’s burden to carry, not just the burden of those willing to fight."
I wish this were true, but with an all-volunteer force less than 1 percent of families in this country shoulder the burden of war. When I came of age during the Vietnam era, the draft made the experience visceral and immediate for virtually everyone.
Now, our numerous wars are just another story on CNN.
26
How incredibly, tragically sad. Karie, your husband Cleve was indeed a hero. He chose to serve in defense of his country and bravely did so to protect us all. As a veteran and son of a career military officer, in my opinion, there is no higher calling. For those in the military, it matters not whether the conflict was justified or not and it in no way diminishes the valor of those who serve. If we are to have an effective national defense, we must absolutely rely on tough, selfless individuals who will fight when they are called.
There are far too many people in this country, usually the proponents of war at the drop of a hat who have never served their country in uniform, that do not understand the tragic cost of war that loss of life and limb incurs. Those individuals should never have the power to make determinations to go to war or not, especially one who lied to evade serving his country when his country called, allowing someone else to serve and possibly die in his place.
God bless you and your children and may the rest of your life bring you peace, joy and all of the blessings this life can afford.
23
@Rich D - thank you and your father's service.
..."If we are to have an effective national defense, we must absolutely rely on tough, selfless individuals who will fight when they are called."...
What right do we have to enter a sovereign nation or to have clandestine operations without having Congress declare war?
Please explain all theaters of combat since 1945 regard to my question. Thank you.
@Broz My comment was only meant to commend the courage, valor and sacrifice of our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines. I eluded to the recklessness of politicians and their wanting to fight needless wars at the drop of the hat and I meant it. Right now we have 11 injured troops in Landstuhl, Germany in the hospital with concussive injuries due to the rocket attack on our base in Iraq. That was a direct consequence of our current President's reckless and thoughtless assasination of an Iranian general. That is absolutely not the correct use of our military. Nevertheless, we would all be at the peril of much evil that does exist in this world if we did not have the brave and selfless commitment of our military men and women.
1
@Rich D I have total respect and am grateful for all in the Armed Services. My beef is with the US being the "Worlds Police Force" by our leaders placing our kids in places we should not be.
Thank you for this moving essay. My condolences on your loss.
My father was drafted and saw front line combat as a teenager and was wounded and received a purple heart. He detested war. He was also depressed for as long as I knew him.
His depression spilled into his marriage and into his parenting.
Sometimes I imagine what his life and as a consequence, my life would have been like if he had been allowed to be a carefree teen instead of a front line killer.
He has been dead 18 years but I still carry his sorrow with me.
60
Karie, Thank you for such poignant and enlightening words. I served in the military, but not during a wartime and your column gave me a much better understanding of what all the people who have "survivors" of wartime endure. May time soothe your hurt and grief.
11
Karie, thank you for sharing your painful story. The public needs to know the range of pain and destruction that war brings. As a defence spouse I understand deeply the changes it brings to mental health and family wellbeing. Any government leader that embarks upon rash impulsive use of military and discards briefings (or as I suspect does not have the intellectual capacity to understand) re where political assets are and why, shows contempt for his own for military and cannot be respected as a "commander-in-chief".
22
Kerie,
I totally hear your pain. I too lost my first husband in Afganistan and raised two kids alone.
I voted for Mr. Trump on his promise that he would bring our military home. I am still hoping that he does.
11
My dad, a WWII veteran, vehemently opposed Congress’ embrace of the all-volunteer military. The draft is the most effective means for assuring that the American people and Congress comprehend the violence and awful cost of war.
140
@Rea Howarth
West Point says it produces the leaders that win wars.
I suspect the ones that win wars are the civilians that come into the military in times of war. They want to get a war over with and go home.
We don't have those people in our military any more.
26
@Rea Howarth, The good news and the bad news is that our military does not need so many troops to fight these small theater police actions. Even with a draft a very, very small percentage of young people would be drafted. A smaller number would end up seeing action.
Compulsory national service stateside, however attractive on other grounds, would not have the same effect as fear of death by draft did during the Nam years. I am remembering being out in the cold wiith a great mass of people in Manhattan in February 2003 protesting GWB's intention to attack Iraq. The largest age cohort there seemed to be we early baby boomers, the men and women who became "peacenicks" in the 1960s.
8
@Rea Howarth I'm a Vietnam veteran and was brought to tears by Karie Fugett's essay. I think about all the young men from different strata of American life that served in Vietnam. Without a draft this has drastically changed the membership of the military in terms of region and socio-economic status. I teach at a University where we are supposedly veteran friendly. We provide the window dressing but these young men typically come from a different strata of society than the younger faculty and are more likely to be quietly wondered at by our newer generations of faculty. When you are young and recruited into the military you don't think about the risks. It wasn't until serving as a medic in Vietnam that I realized I could get killed and that I had bet my life without really understanding the stakes. I want a draft but one in which young men and women are informed of the risks. One could work a year or two in our National Parks, VA Hospitals, teaching in poorer regions, working with homeless, etc. The military could be one option with perhaps better benefits because of the risk. I want no more young people who think their dreams and future depend upon placing their lives at risk without true informed consent. I feel twinges of guilt when for basically won the lottery by volunteering to avoid the draft (a high quality education upon exiting the military). It does not happen for all volunteers.
Karie Fugett, I am so very sorry for your loss.
11
Karie, I'm so very sorry for your loss and pain. I hope you can find peace. Please know that your writing affected me very powerfully.
50
I read the story of you and your husband in the Washington post a while back and I was touched by it but horrified by some of the comments on the story, which blamed your husband for his addiction. I have multiple serious injuries due to a military parachute accident. I’m no medical expert but I’ve always wondered if using something like lyrica - a nerve pain drug that isn’t an opioid and us used for epilepsy - would have been the right option for him. I’ve used it for persistent extreme pain of the type I suspect he had and it was a miracle for me.
7
In World War II there were 1.7 wounded for every fatality, and 2.6 in Vietnam; in Iraq the ratio of wounded to killed is 7.6.
Men are being hurt just as badly. The difference now is that more of the very badly hurt survive, for at least awhile.
"7,013 service members have been killed and 53,088 have been wounded"
Yet that understates the injuries. A lot of those wounded would have been dead in the Vietnam War or WW2. Now, they are horribly hurt.
I've gone to the store late at night, and seen a couple of guys who shop at our local 24-hour grocery late at night, just so that other shoppers don't stare. Facial and head injuries are not just deforming, they ruin lives, they leave men in hiding.
Once men lost a limb. Now they lose several, or they lose them slowly, struggling with a smashed limb, like this man did to complications with horrific pain. Before, they would never have made it back to suffer at home.
The numbers of men "killed" today may be lower, but the injuries and suffering are a lot more than those numbers seem to tell us. They just don't compare with past wars.
War is in some ways even worse, when it produces such prolonged pain for so many. That is not the same as making it home alive once meant.
159
@Mark Thomason My aunt was a Navy nurse on a hospital ship in Vietnam, and then worked with wounded sailors and Marines in rehab stateside. She said there were surviving wounded that the American people were not prepared to deal with, and didn't. That is even more true today.
55
@M.R. Sullivan -- Applying the numbers from this article, we have had 60,101 people hit, either killed or serious casualties.
If that many people were hit hard enough to be counted in these casualty numbers in WW2, 22,260 of them would have died, and 37,841 would be "wounded" but survive the first aid back to casualty stations back to med evacuation as they were then.
In Vietnam, the same number seriously hit would have been 16,695 killed, and 43,406 "wounded."
Thus, the death toll of the current war would be much higher in comparison to past wars.
The WW2 equivalent is ten times (10x) the dead killed in the Pearl Harbor attack.
The Vietnam killed 58,220 of our men, so this war is equivalent to about 30% of the entire Vietnam War. That is shocking because the Vietnam War sent many more American troops, at its peak five times the peak of the current war. This means that the current fighting has been *more deadly than Vietnam* per soldier sent to be "in country" for tours of fighting.
This is very deadly fighting. It is being sold as less deadly, as having a lower list of killed. But that is an artificial and misleading use of numbers.
19
War Has Ripple Effects. I hope this is not a recent insight on your part. I realize this is very personal to you. But consider how personal it is to the 250,000 (low estimate) civilians who were killed by direct war related violence by the US and it’s allies in Iraq, with the same number of injured. We are talking women and children here - not fighters. Not to mention that we destroyed their country to the point where civilians continue to die because of the breakdown of their infrastructure on every level and that thousands have fled and are refugees the US does not want to accept.
Young men and women who join the Armed Forces need to understand that they are being trained to kill and when they do they may be injured and killed in return. I know the benefits are awesome and many see it as their only ‘choice’ to get out of poverty or such, but the collateral damage done to civilians in countries where wars are fought is cruel, pervasive, and the effects massive and long standing. When you choose to be a part of this you choose to pay the price as well.
64
@Gwen Vilen I don't think your response overlooks a few key pieces: The oppressive nature of inter-generational poverty, the lack of upward mobility for poor Americans. The lack of access to diversity of opinion that young people in rural states receive. Where are earth do you think that a 19 YO in Alabama is going to hear anything bad about the Government? Have you ever been to Alabama? Also read again- he was 19. I have kids (some over 19) and asking them to make life altering (or ending) decisions at 19 is unrealistic. We live in a country where you upward mobility in many places is pretty much join the military or live without a livable wage or access to medical care and die young of brutal hardship or preventable illness. We need to address these inequalities first.
This is a great piece and should be required reading for anyone in favor of overseas adventurism in the future.
73
@Duncan
When you grow up poor you are capable of making life altering/ending decisions long before 19. I raised my mother and ran a house from the age of 8. I worked to help with food from the age of 10 and was supporting myself and legally emancipated at 15. I was the norm, not the exception.
Joining the military is a way out of a bad spot and many take it. I personally believe that the only people who should be voting to send the military to fight are veterans and Blue and Gold Star family members. I also believe we need to bring back the draft with no exceptions, no deferments, no hiding in the National Guard.
32
@Gwen Vilen "When you choose to be a part of this you choose to pay the price as well."
Every US citizen is part of it, whether you personally join the military or not. We all fund the military through our taxes, and it's been a long time since there were large-scale protests against US military operations.
14
This is one of the most effective essays against war I have ever read. It emphasizes the human loss of family members, friends, and even of human beings on "the other side". It is our failure of imagination that we cannot imagine war as real, and especially in a country where a small share of our population do all of the fighting. All i can say is that I feel deeply for your pain, your children's pain and the pain of all who are robbed of loved ones by war.
90
I have never seen any statistics on the wounded coming out of these wars breaking down injuries by category, disability level and associated costs (treatment so far and long term projected costs).
An in-depth report on these injuries, the long term consequences on individuals and families and the cost of care would be warranted after 18 years.
A group at Brown University has investigated some of these issues.
https://watson.brown.edu/costsofwar/costs/economic
Interestingly, more 'contractors' have died than US troops. Injuries have been worse than in past wars and costs far higher while at the same time much of the care for wounded veterans has been offloaded onto local communities and spouses.
Perhaps the NYT could look at this overall issue - it seems that private estimates of costs are far higher than the ones our government provides.
33
I am so sorry for all that your husband, you, and your families have been through.There is nothing more I can say about your pain and suffering. What I can say is that we all need to join together to reject violence and war. War is too easy. Peace is what is hard and we need to work harder than ever.
78
Correct. But peace is also simple. Any nation keep their soldiers only within their borders. And anyone respect they neighbor as thyself.
1
Karie,
I also have an origami Flag. It’s now my most precious possession, passed down from my Mother. She finally could not even look at it. I do, and lovingly dust it and say a few words to my Brother.
Unfortunately, we are in a large club. The immediate Family of all the Military Members that have Died while serving their Country. City or rural, middle class or poor, white or not, Male or Female, very young and just out of Training or with years of Service.
It’s been many years since Johnny Died. Yes, the pain lessens, but never, ever goes away. One flash on TV, one snippet of a Song he loved, one photo of a proud young Soldier in the News brings it all back. Sometimes so quickly and forcefully it’s breathtaking. But, my favorite thing in this entire world: The nights when I dream about our childhood. We’re always happy, and always together. And yes, with Dogs.
Please, reach out and connect with other Families that have lost loved ones, Military or Not. Ten years seems like a long time to some. But for many, it’s just a start. I know, personally.
Most importantly don’t feel guilt. You were not responsible, you couldn’t have changed the outcome. You couldn’t have exchanged your life for his. I wanted to do that for many, many years. Survivors guilt, the downfall of family love and pride.
I can only send you my very best wishes and hopes for your future. You are extremely courageous for writing this, and exposing your life, and heart. Thank You.
143
@Phyliss Dalmatian, Dear Phyliss, I always look for your comments and love your dry and direct sense of humor. You, too, brought tears to my eyes this morning. Thanks for the courage to write to support Karie and all the other families. Bill.
6
@Phyliss Dalmatian
Forgot to mention: our main childhood Dog was named Lucy. A Dalmatian.
2
My condolences for your loss.
Sadly we now have a segregated society. Those that do not have to serve in our military and those that have no other choices.
This is part of the changes in our society that have transferred so many jobs overseas. But it is also part of a deliberate policy by our military.
The Pentagon learned from Vietnam.
Minimize news coverage. No deaths on the Nightly News. Only positive stories in the media. Schools, Women's rights. Happy farmers.
Minimize combat deaths. Body Armor, armored vehicles. Drones for dangerous missions. Use mercenaries (they don't count). Keep the wounded alive - at any cost.
With a volunteer military you don't have unwilling draftees or those opposed to our wars put in harm's way. You rarely see the sons of privilege enlisting. Look at all the publicity given Pat Tillman. I wonder what the reaction would have been if his journals had survived (he had quite a change in attitude after serving).
With few alternatives available our rural and urban poor will continue to feed our endless wars.
106
@cynicalskeptic
Odd how comments that are too critical of our nation's policies prompt 'error' messages.........
Respectfully, I challenge your point of view, that certain folks have no alternative to joining the armed forces. That is lazy rehashing of recruitment propaganda. Many brave Americans from rural America do NOT become mercenaries. We have triple the size of the military to defend our borders. The rest is used for foreign incursions. The last legit one was WW2.
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I wish i could offer words of comfort. Overwhelmingly sad.
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@Loup
Your address made me think of a young Australian Army veteran who visited Saranac Lake in the Adirondack Mts. of NY State a few years ago. He climbed a mountain, and froze to death; an apparent suicide.
Every year, Saranac Lake honors him on Anzac Day. He obviously was in great pain and left his family feeling the same way.
When are we going to learn?