This is a tragedy! And anyone blaming her, has NO idea who she was or what could have been the reasons behind anything she did!
I would like to point out that these criminals have become bolder! Now they are stepping from behind their computers and are entering relationships with people in real life.
The rules of the schemes are more or less the same, and the use of internet and technologie is predominant.
An investigative piece should be written on this.
#TheDevilSingsInTheChurchsChoir
1
I just heard about this this afternoon. I hadn't seen them in 8 years but I worked with Mark and were good friends with him and Renee for a long time. I never imagined he could be capable of anything like this. What he did was inexcusable and could never be justified . I hope they are both at peace know.
2
Who would send money to someone they'd met and only communicated with on the internet? It's called common sense!
8
She was scammed while cheating on her husband, conspiring against him, stealing marital resources to conduct her affair.
She did not deserve to be a victim of a scammer romance crime or of domestic violence.
I wonder at her husband's despair, however, at being conned and deceived by her. I wish she would've left him honestly.
(And I've divorced a violent abuser, for the record.)
12
Unfortunately, too. with the story about her husband who "had problems" Ms. Holland was raised in patriarchy to be vulnerable to sacrificially taking care of troubled men to her detriment or actual harm whether at home or on the Internet. Many young girls are taught to do the same even to this day as a virtue--as I even see mothers have their daughters smile and talk with miserable looking men on the bus. When will this end?
70
@Lynne Shapiro
Most women don't drink the kool-aid, regardless of how they were raised. I suppose "this" which you refer to will end when people quit being stupid, as in never.
16
@Lynne Shapiro
Let's put this another way, Ms. Holland was trying her hardest to recover from being scammed and prevent others from being scammed. I think that's agency not vulnerability to patriarchy. Let's not make her a victim again. Why are people of both sexes and all ages and cultural backgrounds vulnerable to these scams? That's a question worth answering.
28
It is the degree to which women drink the Kool-Aid you made me think about and a continuum of how much they drink from the whole glass to none. Those who drink none or little-- who totally reject the lessons to "be nice and sacrificing"-- are called all kinds of names and face all kinds of social punishments.
35
Facebook could fix this with programming in a heartbeat. “Do you know this person in real life?” and a few simple shibboleths designed to prove it. But that’s not what they’re for.
3
@Alice What on earth is a shibboleth?
Hi Jack Nicas
Will you contact me regarding our story. My wife and I, just the two of us, live in the city of Deridder, Louisiana. My wife was in a romance scam similar to Ms. Holland's story. The scam started with facebook exchange on the phone all the while baiting her for what was to follow. He insisted on sending her a package of goodies; rolex watch, teddy bear, labtop computer kind of stuff. What happened next you will not believe. He turned to her for money to pay for the shipping and customs charges. And like a fool my wife cleaned out her savings account and retirement account in the tune of over $22,400, all of this done in wire transactions. All this was done behind my back. What are friends far, right? Well my wife doesn't drive and so she called up a, "so called friend", to help run her back and forth to the bank and for money support. You will not believe how this whole story unfolds. Will you please contact me to reveal all of the striking details to this story? I am telling you, you will not believe how this story unfolds.
This looks like a wrongful death action - Face Book, inadvertently, has created an unsafe environment for some people who are vulnerable. My condolences to the family!
3
Thank you for sharing Ms. Holland's story. I particularly appreciate the intimate photos of her face, which personalize a tragedy that's based on the impersonal nature of digital communication. Whether you're communicating with trusted loved ones or trying to determine the trustworthiness of a stranger, there is no substitute for face-to-face, in-person contact. We've forgotten this in the digital age, and it's quietly damaging lives.
2
I've read a lot of comments here where people are finger pointing at either the wife or the husband. It seems to me there were three victims in this story.
4 . Don’t forget the journalists, who were traumatized by what they witnessed.
Why can't social media companies use the live face verification system that already exists? I know a lot of people photoshop their profile pictures to the point of being unrecognizable, but it seems like that would be a start! I know some online dating apps use that tech so why not facebook and the like? I'm sure there are probably ways around this I haven't even begun to comprehend, but it seems like it might slow them down at least.
1
I watched the show and I think it is reprehensible that when Mr. Nicas presented Facebook with the accounts of over 60 scammers pretending to be this poor marine whose pictures they stole, FB wouldn't close down over 40 of them. FB needs to make major changes in how it is dealing with these cases.
However, I'd like to make two points. One is that these scams have been going on forever and FB is only one of the technologies used. I got a handwritten letter from a "Nigerian prince" over 30 years ago and a few months ago my 96 year old mother in law got a call on her land line phone from one of her "grandchildren" in trouble and was pretty convinced that it really was him.
The other is that my wife joined FB several years ago, and it put her in contact with many members of her large and far flung family and with old friends. Many of these contacts wouldn't have occurred otherwise, so FB has enriched her life. It's a shame the way FB has monetized their product in a way that causes perverse incentives. My wife still uses it, but now several of her friends have opted out, and she is considering it. FB may be killing the goose that laid the golden egg.
4
Very sad story. One way or the other, Facebook contributes to issues like this. My brother used his Facebook account at a Cyber Cafe (public internet) recently, someone hacked his Facebook account, changed details to a white man with a family and it was obvious he was going to use it for scams. I tried reporting but since he took over email and phone number, Facebook didn't recognize my brother as the legitimate account of the account. There is a pattern,Facebook can track location etc
2
This is an unbelievable tragedy. Facebook, Instagram and their ilk are public companies that must answer to shareholders. No one has a right to use these companies for scamming other people. I am sure that CNN, NBC, Fox News, the NYTimes and all of the other media would not allow anyone to use their outlets to create elaborate schemes to steal money. Facebook, Instagram and the others should be held responsible for their failure to monitor this type of activity and not aggressively removing these people from their sites. Until there is a price to pay for them, the scamming will continue.
5
Thank you for for relentlessly pursuing this story. You are also honoring Renee Holland’s memory and desire to expose these scammers.
10
I was struck by the fact that the death of Ms Holland was buried in the middle of the text of the 7/28/19 article, "Facebook Connected Her to a Tattooed Solider In Iraq. Or So She Thought." I'm not sure if the intent was to shock readers with the news of her violent death or if the death of a woman from gun-related domestic violence was considered to be less newsworthy to the editors than the Facebook angle spelled out in the title.
6
@ES
I was told in school that a good journalist should include the most important information at the head of the story in case a reader fails to stick with an article to the end. This is the second time this week that I've read a Times article where the writer broke this rule of thumb.
2
@Charlesbalpha The inverted triangle is what you're referring to, and it's for news reporting. This is a narrative feature, so yes, that "twist" is in the middle for dramatic effect and was purposeful.
Every time I get a chance to talk to kids, or young adult...I would talk about their educations. Then at the end I would say : stay in school ! I’m saying this because the two women I knew who have been duped by this scam weren’t educated . The first one was an african woman scammed by her own people ( an african man). Sending all photoshopped pictures that he was in the hospital ( his face photoshopped to a picture of hospitalized person )or got hit by a car or a very skinny one because hasn’t eaten for a month and on and on.....The second one was a woman told by a picture of an uniform man serving (allegedly )in Afghanistan. He said he was from Papua New Guinea but serve in Afghanistan as an American and has a son living with a friend in Africa . Wait a minute I said ...what ? Then called New York a country !! What ? I tried to point all of that out but the lady had no educations but knew to read basic reading . She understood the “I love you” poured at her by this man, that’s all she knew . Mr military asking money to help his “son “( witch it was him ) in Africa and she did. I felt sorry but I didn’t wanna kill her dream of living with him ( White , blue eyes and very young looking and she a black grandmother )once he is back in America . That he would buy her a house and would open their (as couple )own business . Think about the kind of business we would open he said ...and she had a list :(
1
Where the internet is concerned... trust nobody to be what or who they say they are.
The internet has become the happy hunting ground of predators of all types and natures.
This is not new to FaceBook.. it's been a problem for more then a decade now.
2
If facebook is being used to commit a crime, why don't the feds just use the asset forfeiture statutes and seize facebook? Problem solved.
5
@JS
Before there were even cell phones the scammers used the land lines for calling the suckers.
They would get their suckers to send them money via Western Union.
Neither the phone companies nor Western Unio were ever expected to face penalties because of activities of users.
And plenty of smuggling crimes are commiited via commercial airlines, but no one expects the airline executives or workers to go to jail.
Long standing legal precedent.
2
My late father was a victim of a grifter. He was a disabled WWII veteran, a rescuer by nature who had been a medic, smart, proud...too proud to admit that the woman pretending to like him was clearing out his bank accounts. He thought that she was great and was so defensive of her that he wouldn’t let us near. By the time she took off, he was down to his Social Security income and small military payments, no longer with enough money for a comfortable retirement. His pride was wounded even further by needing financial assistance from his kids. Scammers are good at what they do.
6
This shows as important as anti-fraud reporting is ,domestic violence is our greatest threat. The lack of reporting on domestic violence, including murder, is shocking. We have just gotten used to it.
1
I watched this on The Weekly as well. The story is well-researched, important, and most of all, heartbreaking. It makes me very sad as well as angry at Facebook for not doing more to protect its users. There are of course exceptions, but my opinion of Facebook is that it is by and large a tool for narcissists, the lonely, and sadly, scammers.
3
@ACA
Facebook is a huge operation. I only use it to keep in touch with friends ( real existing friends) I think it's crazy to use it as a source of news, or to contact somebody that I know nothing about.
1
Well said. To keep in touch with friends and family. A little common sense goes a long way.
1
I get at least 4 of these friend requests a month. Profile pictures show buff military men, rich widowed doctors, or men on yachts. I confronted one, and asked him why the name on his profile did not match the name on his lab jacket. Never heard from him again. I told another man, who told me I was beautiful, that my husband thought so too.
Folks, report and block these people right away. Do not engage.
5
Thank you for telling her story. I was horrified when I read that this poor lady had been killed, after all she had gone through.
5
It was a great TV show and great reporting. Fantastic reporting.
This “Insider” piece, though, did not address the central question in many people’s minds, I imagine: Do you feel that her going so public in the video and article might have humiliated her violent husband to the point where it put him over the edge?
He was in effect being cheated on by his wife and now everybody knew it.
This piece tells us nothing that the video didn’t say. If you’re saying you’re taking us behind the scenes, please do so.
6
My husband and I gasped during the show when you learned she’d been killed. Great reporting.
1
Aside from the violent deaths of Ms. Holland and her father, I am appalled by her reckless and selfish decision to drive under the influence of sleeping pills and alcohol.
No doubt her history of domestic violence at the hands of her husband contributed to her asinine choices to being a victim of this scam but her attempted suicide put innocent people at risk.
If only she had a support system to get her the appropriate mental health care she deserved, her life may have turned out differently. Or she was put out of her slow emotional misery, in a most tragic way.
This article is depressing all around.
3
I see a lot post saying how gullible Mrs. Holland was to give stranger money. She didn't. She gave the money to her friend. More exactly she gave money to someone who spent time becoming her friend so that when the money request came it would have posed a moral crisis not to respond with what the scammer was after.
All this chat about "types" of people who are potential victims makes me laugh. Anyone heard of Theranos - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theranos
Elizabeth Holmes scammed American business and government leaders, who lost more than $600 million by privately investing in Theranos. Major investments had been made by the Walton family ($150 million), Rupert Murdoch ($121 million), Betsy DeVos ($100 million), and the Cox family (of Cox Media Group) ($100 million). The final liquidation of the company in September 2018 rendered these investments completely worthless.
OK, so probably anyone could scam Betsy DeVos, but Murdoch?
6
Someone you don’t know IRL isn’t your friend.
1
Since FB plays by its own rules (seemingly ignores any suggestions and fines) and then derives it’s income from amassing large amounts of data from everyone and anything, then selling that to advertisers, including the US security apparatus. I deleted my FB account, since this is an artificial substitute for real social connections. Only wholesale boycotting by users might convince them to change.
1
@everyone .Facebook is a scam at it's own existence. Never was the interest of the individual it's first priority. Money has been the motivation from scratch. When billions are paid to buy Instagram and WhatsApp, you should ask what is being sold and what's been brought.
Simple, it's your information that was bought and sold. Why can't this be stopped? Because government is crying wolf but is using it against their own peoples to establishing more power. Look who Mark Zuckerberg is in reality.
Social media platforms have a great business model. They make billions in profit, yet they have no accountability for how their product is used. And the same is true for companies like Uber. The profits are internal, but all the consequences and responsibilities are external. They're "someone else's problem".
Today we found out that 100,000,000 people had their financial and SSN records hacked from CapitalOne. This, apparently, was the third time in 5 years this has happened, just at that financial institution.
It seems clear that as long as "fines" are assessed and no one ever goes to jail, this trend will continue ad-infinitum.
My advise for people on Facebook, or any other social media platform, is simple - delete your information and get off it. You know, it was possible to have a meaningful life before Facebook.
I started programming on punch-cards at Northwestern University in the mid-1970's at the age of 10. I have always been involved with computers. And I have been an I.T. consultant since 1997.
I have never had a Facebook account - ever. I am not on Instagram, and I have no Google account. I use a Motorola flip-phone manufactured in the previous millennium. And I have had the text function on it disabled.
The reason for this is simple, I don't need any of it! If I want to meet people, I go outside and meet them - a novel idea these days. I wish I could give up the internet entirely, but I haven't made that leap yet.
I wonder what would happen if everyone did?
5
A lot of serious crimes that people downplay with the label "nonviolent" can lead directly to violence.
It seems like we enjoy patting ourselves on the back with the story line that violent incidents are less common, but crimes like serious fraud are easily scaled up by the internet and the apparent tolerance or even celebration of greed. Such crimes can easily have consequences in the physical world.
1
Ms. Holland’s case is a deeper problem we have in our American culture of believing what people want us to believe without further investigation. For example, I’m convinced this is why Donald Trump was elected president. I was raised to second guess and question everything, even my own parents. Yes, it created some rebellion with authorities sometimes however I also developed deep independent thought and analysis. I am probably more the exception than the rule.
Despite introversion, I still surround myself with loving friends, family, and lovers so I don’t feel that wretched loneliness some people go through.
I don’t know Ms. Holland and I don’t know why she did what she did. I do know, however, there are millions like her and collectively we will continue making really dumb mistakes that will affect all of us.
It’s happening now with American policy dictated by Donald Trump.
2
Anyone using the internet should use this strategy: Don't trust ANYONE that you don't know, even some you do know, especially if they are reaching out or contacting you. Keep your emotions and your checkbook separate. Talk to a third party about your communications. They will likely talk some sense into to you.
1
well said
How is it that Facebook can police the network for every single possible nipple (even in paintings), but somehow can’t police something as glaring, disturbing and tragic as identity theft and outright financial fraud of its unwitting customers?
181
@MH The answer is a lot simpler than you might think. Facebook works on pleasing customers who make accounts. If a bunch of Christians are mad at nipples, then a rule comes into play. If one person gets scammed by a ring with 1000s of frauds, they will cater to the 1000s and not the one. Unless that one person can make a legal case that can stand up in court, then the rules will get changed.
I worked there for a short period of time in the fake accounts department. It was a joke job because Facebook never actually cared about the ramifications of their world. They're all under 30 and DUMB.
5
@MH
More money in scammers than nudity perhaps?
1
What a heartbreaking story. Thank you for your reporting and for writing the follow-up profile of the lives affected by these scams. Social Networks need to change the way they do business. It's ridiculous that uploading a copyrighted song will get a post flagged and/or deleted, but using a stolen photo of a real person to create a fake account is not a violation of rules.
76
@Justanne I totally agree with your statement. This has gone on far to long and many people are being hurt, sad sad world.
I've read through the story a few times. I'm baffled as to how people are taken in by these scams. It is so transparently clear that Mrs. Holland's Facebook 'friend' was a con. And one that was relatively easy to debunk with a few searches. The author is very generous to Mrs. Holland; too generous perhaps because at times she is absolved of personal responsibility.
33
@Robert Coombs: What a shocking response.
Humans are hardwired not only to be social but to love and be loved; those desires prompt hundreds of millions of people to see in a beloved what they want to see rather than what's there -- that's one reason why the divorce rate is so high.
Add to that the deviousness of grifters and the weird fluidity of the Internet, and it's no wonder that so many people have been conned.
Maybe -- *maybe* -- you get higher marks than she did in the column titled "Sees others with clarity." But some of us would rather have abundant compassion, empathy, and tolerance for human frailty, even if it means we're at risk of being duped from time to time.
2
@Robert Coombs Robert I totally disagree with your statement, I am a victim but I was smart enough not to send money or merchandise but all the same my heart got ripped apart and I know from experience how easily this happens and how they prey on a person until they figure they have you in their sites and then pounce on you, that is the part that hurts the most.
1
@Robert Coombs How easy it is to judge. I pray that no one takes advantage of you. I’m sure you will be entirely too hard on yourself.
Here was a woman living with the nightmare of domestic violence, and almost certainly lonely (because abusive partners almost always insure their victims are cut off from friends and relatives). She may have seen the scammer as a desperately prayed-for lifeline out of a hellish existence.
It's easy to make judgments on "personality types" and use words like "credulous" when one is surrounded by loving family and friends, but the tragedies of life - like Alzheimer's, cancer, isolation and loneliness can strike even a life that seems secure forever.
100
@Jane, I didn't consider it from that perspective but you make a valid point. Her family situation could have definitely made falling prey to this incident more likely. Thank you for that perspective.
3
@Jane Did you read the story (the story this story is about) before you posted your comment. The full story explains a lot more about her relationship with her husband than what you seem to have understood.
2
I was prepared to write as some have here, that a certain type of person (usually female) is made a victim of these scams. But then I reflected on that story brought to light in Douthat's column about the allegedly duped Harvard law prof. and the alleged grifters who scammed others as well. True that was part of a much more complex relationship but education provides no immunity from alleged fraud.
Yes, lonely and needy people are more vulnerable but that knows no gender. Elderly men have been duped as well, often with the "arrested grandchild---send bail money" scheme.
Why are adults on these kid oriented narcissist platforms like Instagram anyway?
30
The underlying story is the erosion of the concept of “truth” itself, when hard facts are called “fake news” and video gamers enjoy killing screen people and no real blood gets spilled.
New technology can show a fake boyfriend with a faked picture, and show a faked video of a politician acting drunk. People in power deny that there is climate change when it’s 106 degrees in Paris.
The idea of truth itself is getting warped.
1
I’m glad you posted this. As soon as I read about the Holland family’s death I wondered how it had affected you.
I hope you are ok and thanks for writing this important story.
65
Thank you Jack, for telling her story. Sorry for your loss.
27
Thank you for your thorough, intelligent and sensitive reporting. Though this cautionary tale ended tragically for Ms. Holland and her family, your telling it may help others avoid similar fates.
The Internet and social media programs like Facebook are powerful-and relatively new-platforms. Cons take advantage of the novelty and naiveté of those with big hearts and scant suspicions.
Time and public pressure should motivate tech companies to aggressively develop more robust protections against this sort of fraud. However, the scammers and cons always will be one step ahead of the security specialists.
EVERYONE should be exceedingly cautious about making new "friends" online. And when love, money or information/images that you wouldn't want published in The New York Times are involved, you almost can't be too cautious.
Ultimately, no company or agency will ever have as much to gain from "protecting" us as we will have to lose from being lax about our own safety. Caveat emptor.
53
Thank you for your thoughtful note, Marie.
12
What a tragic story all the way around. The fact that there is little or nothing that victims can do is infuriating.
If you have some spare time you can possibly do some good by creating fake accounts yourself and engaging scammers. This wastes their time and any time they spend with scambaiters is time away from hurting innocent people. If enough people do this it should really cut into their profits.
I have engaged with “IRS” and “Microsoft” scammers when I had some time to kill. Unfortunately they are now onto me and don’t call anymore.
10
There is something we can do. We can make Facebook liable for crimes conducted on their site, like we make retailers liable for products they chose to sell in their store.
52
@PierreS I do think this would truly be invoking the power of the marketplace to make them be a little more careful in how they make their (piles of) money off people's misery.
8
What a tragedy. Please know military personnel are paid regularly. Military members who are deployed are guaranteed transportation home. Military members and their families have great medical coverage. If by chance a member needs financial assistance, the member should contact their Commander/1st Sergeant and their leadership will direct them to proper help agencies. US military service personnel would never solicit money from citizens. If asked, think Red Flag! I'm a veteran and I currently work for the Department of Defense.
203
@BP I wish I could like your comment 100 times.
26
@BP
This should be shared on Facebook.
2
I encountered these scams on senior dating sites. I soon realized how their stories were too pat. And I blocked them. But I resented having to take the time to read and to and realize they were scammers.
Finally, I just stopped the site. My privacy and time are too precious.
48
Facebook is evil. Sadly, there are probably millions more like Ms. Holland who have been duped financially and emotionally. There is a way to end this kind of thing but it won't happen because the tech giants are too powerful.
21
@Kathrine Facebook is a free toy. Play with it or don't. But Facebook doesn't have the obligation to save anyone from their own stupidity. This woman was married to her fifth husband, who she picked up as a stranger on the side of the road. And you think Facebook should've been able to fix her life?
3
What a very sad story of a lonely and unfulfilled woman. I'm amazed at how gullible people can be.
13
These people also scam seniors posing as family members. They can easily find relatives names, where they are from and other personal information and make up stories saying they need money. A man posing as my husband asked that he be sent $2,500 for a fine and to please not tell me he was driving at a bachelor party in Canada and got a DUI. They are very convincing and elaborate with their schemes and target those who need their income the most.
15
@CTina
I qualify as a "senior" by some considerable margin. I have recently received calls from 5 different persons that started with their saying "granddad, that you?". 3 women, 2 men, 4 with fairly heavy accents (in this case south asian and east European). What offends me most is their assumption that I (and others) are too dumb to recognize as transparent a lie as they are telling!
1
And Facebook think they should be entrusted with a facility to transer funds seamlessly ( Libra)
Sure.
68
@Javaid Akhtar, who controls the money, controls it all.
I've been contacted by people who I believe to be scammers. Not on facebook, but on Instagram. Every month or so I get a message from someone with a soldiers profile picture. I just ignore all of them. It's always best to err on the side of caution.
14
This is a very sad story indeed. But it is not only about a Facebook scam. Ms Holland story is also about guns, domestic violence, and the, alas too frequent, killing of women by their male partners.
142
@HZ
Seems to me it's also a story of what can happen when one betrays one's spouse. I'm certainly not saying she deserved what she got but her poor decision directly led to her untimely end, she created the circumstances that led to her death.
2
So Ms. Holland was eventually murdered by her husband, something we learn toward the end of the article.
Didn't these media people worry about how Mr. Holland might react when his wife gave a public interview admitting that she was planning to cheat on her husband with a lover she knew nothing about?
23
@Charlesbalpha if you watch the program, the reporter interviewed the husband who agreed that the story should be written.
The reporter also learned about prior domestic violence by the husband against the wife and tried to make sure she was okay. The couple were able to convince the reporter that things were okay.
It's a very sad and moving program, worth watching.
45
Thank you, Kate.
9
Facebook itself is a scam perpetrated on those foolish enough to provide personal information in return for - for all purposes - imaginary friends. I can understand a Facebook page for a business or a law enforcement agency, but as far as individuals sharing their private lives with hundreds or thousands of people, I just don't get it. People must be lonelier now than ever before in history.
32
This is all so very intense. Thank you so much for your work Jack Nicas!
9
she seems like a kind person, just desperately lonely. I'm sorry her story ended this way. after seeing the video clip in the other facebook scam article, i just gasped aloud when i read that she had been killed. this is really terrible, and i will remember her. facebook should be able to protect people a little bit better. with the resources at their disposal it is outrageous that people, who trust the system, should be exploited like this. facebook should have stricter rules and/or be held accountable for this kind of fraud. its as simple as having a dedicated team verifying accounts and deleting the fraudulent ones.
19
Another woman murdered by her male partner, this time her father was also a victim. The Times investigation into Facebook fraud ran into another largely uncovered story of our times, women killed by angry/depressed men.
48
I stopped using Facebook a few months ago. I can't abide by using a platform that is, at its core, willingingly destructive...all in the name of profit.
24
I have been seeing these military men "friend" requests pop up on my Fakebook page for several years now. I figured it was a scam because why in the world would I friend someone I didn't know personally. Sadly, the FB plan is to promote false connections between people, and these kinds of tragedies result. I tried reporting these fake profiles and was rebuffed by FB too. My elected Congresswoman even has an imposter account and twice when I reported it FB replied that they saw no issue with a US Congresswoman with an obviously fake profile that was promoting a commercial product.
I use FB only very sparingly for special interest groups but maybe it's not enough. And even when FB goes away there will be other apps to fill the void.
53
@Marie
When FB first began, the Canadian government warned all about it and said, “don’t join.” Insofar as I am concerned, that was good advice. I do not use, nor will I use FB.
Your story of contacting FB to make reports is another reason all should be wary of FB and avoid it.
A joke sent to me said, “I’m not on FB, but every morning I go out for a walk and show everyone I meet all my family pictures, I tell them what I had for breakfast, and now I have 3 followers - two policemen and a psychiatrist.”
75
Thank you for covering this story with such compassion Mr. Nicas. The desperation and loneliness of these women is astounding. Perhaps, deep down, they knew they were being scammed, but couldn't bring themselves to disconnect from what felt like human connection and romance.
Facebook and Instagram have the resources to shut down most of these fake profiles, but they have no financial interest in doing so. Their usual, automated non-responses to reports of fake accounts that use a real person's identity versus the more effective response when there is more attention on the issue tell the whole story.
81
A terribly sad story. Thank you for sharing Mrs. Holland's experience. I'm sorry her life had such a tragic end. I'm also sorry people are willing to prey on lonely people.
42
Like many women I know, I get plenty of Facebook friend requests from men I don't know -- often with photos of them in military uniform, sometimes with cute young children where the man is allegedly widowed, sometimes employed in "manly" fields like working on oil rigs and sometimes in high-prestige jobs like medicine. The English is often broken, and there is often a Nigerian or Indian-sounding name in the person's URL that doesn't match his American-sounding Facebook name. I delete all of them and mark them as spam. So do all of the women I have ever discussed this with. It's so incredibly obvious that these guys aren't for real.
What can we do to decrease the number of gullible people in our society? Maybe the women who fall for this have such painful lives that they are eager to grab any ray of hope, as though these psychopathic impostors were lottery tickets?
92
@heliotrophic Or the people are so lonely they grab at anything they can not to feel that way. I understand how they can get caught up in these scams as I was a victim in a Romance Scam and feel sorry for the others they prey on. Although I was smart enough not to give any money or merchandise it still does not help that my heart was shattered into a million pieces but I was strong enough to come though it but much the wiser on what to look for now.
2
Look who she was married to? A bad, messed up person who felt he had the right to kill her and her father. Imagine a world in which women didn’t feel they needed a man at all costs.
5
@heliotrophic
Yes, it is truly sad. No one -- and most particularly no woman -- should ever post an image of her own face as her Facebook profile photo (which is public by default). Use a cute puppy dog photo or some other image. The people who really know you will recognize you in other ways.
Nor should anyone "friend" someone whom she has not actually met in person (or who, at the very least, is a friend of someone she actually knows).