The amount of medical ignorance expressed, coupled with huge doses of indulgent self importance, along with vitriolic biases against medicine by many writers is staggering!
I almost feel like suggesting that these ululating writers go back in time and have their pregnancies and deliveries in some era where there is constantly poor nutrition or malnutrition, non existent or poor sanitation, prevalent and deadly infections, no anesthesia or analgesia, delivery either alone or with a purely untrained person in a dirty environment, and an incredibly high maternal and infant mortality - but I won't.
53
It seems to be common practice for OBGYN’s to recommend C-section to pregnant couples and i believe the data proves this. Our midwife informed my partner and I that it’s the most natural thing in the world for a mother to birth the child inside of her.
We had two “Natural Childbirths”
1
I was in labor for thirteen hours, before the doctor mandated a C-section. When people asked me if I was sorry I had missed a "natural childbirth" I was flabbergasted. "Natural"? That would have meant dead baby and dead mother! Who would have preferred that?
Some people are blindingly insensitive, ignorant, or both.
Thank you for doing away with the term.
9
I think the definition of “good birth” is exactly right. I had my first birth in Germany and my second in the US. In Germany I was allowed to be in labor with midwives for 24 hours (2 pushing) before I had a C-section. I pushed in many different positions. I remember being in good spirits and laughing between contractions with the midwife and my husband.
Suffice it to say, not the same experience in the US.
It’s funny how a good birth will make you nostalgic, despite all the unpleasantness and pain.
4
Did I miss it? Is there any mention of pre- or post-natal nutrition?
Thank You so much for starting this coverage!
There is so much information out there that disguises itself in the cloak of being "helpful", but is really just the same old archaic woman shaming.
2
Please. Giving birth and adopting a baby are not the same thing. Both can be wonderful. But not the same.
4
I appreciate the NYT’s mission here. I think it’s kind and empathetic and important. But I feel the author’s decision to end the article with a humblebrag about how their pelvis was more fit for vaginal birth than others’ (“good pelvis” implies there are bad pelvises) is the exact opposite of this mission.
I get that it’s your story and it’s worthy of being told in some context, but if you’re trying to create space for birth stories not considered “natural,” don’t kick off the initiative with a “natural” birth story.
7
This is so PC and full of half truths that it may be really misleading to people looking for information. There is such as thing as natural childbirth and there are implacations for babies. We don’t know a lot about human development, especially unborn fetuses. It would be more constructive to recognize that we don’t know really how the human body works or how babies develop, and therefore we really don’t know how interventions affect mothers and babies. I am a father of 2 children born without any any intervention and it was scary for a while but now I realize that it’s just not well explained.
At the end of the day, this perception that we know everything and can explain everything is dangerous for healthcare. We don’t know everything. Doctors don’t know everything. Once upon a time, it was thought that certain procedures like blood transfusions were heresy, then they save many many live in WWI. Once upon a time, we thought that eating fat would make us fat.
We need to get back to trusting our bodies and nature.
Btw, wrt to the media, I usually like the NYTs. But, there is something worse than fake news, and that is creating myths that perpetuate and give people the confort of an opinion without the discomfort of thinking. (-JFK)
13
@Oooook What do we not know? Embryology was one of my first year courses in medical school.
3
@Oooook "We need to get back to trusting our bodies and nature"
Yeah, that line of thought is how we found ourselves in the middle of a measles epidemic.
7
Correction: It is misleading to tell readers that the petite woman had to have a C section because of her size and her baby’s size. I am very small as well but had 2 unmedicated (I call the unmedicated instead of natural) births. I went to a birthing center to birth my first because of this common misconception.
14
Yes! It has to do with the pelvic bones, not the height or shape. People often think women with large hips have easier births, but this is another misconception. They may or may not. I’m 5’2”, have very narrow hips, but had four unmedicated births with relatively short labors. The OB told me after my first exam with the first that I was “ born to give birth”. It’s just good luck if you have certain bone structure.
This article is ridiculous for lots of reasons and I’m sick to death of hearing that everything I’ve worked hard to make happen for my birthing and breastfeeding is now off limits lest I “shame” someone. You can’t be shamed unless you choose to see it that way. If I had not had easy labors I would have used medication—good grief. I stuck with breastfeeding through what can only be called agony for the first three weeks—my choice, so why shouldn’t Intake pride in that?
3
@LN
That line jumped out at me, as well. I am also very small and easily gave birth to a 9-lb, giant-headed baby at a birth center with no medical intervention. Smaller women are not necessarily going to have complications with childbirth.
Further, I think the statement is also unfair to larger-statured women---as if they should be automatically, magically able to give birth with ease. That may not always be the case.
3
I often see people comment about childbirth that “all that matters is a healthy baby,” or “it doesn’t matter how the kid gets out,” or “it’s a few hours in a lifetime of parenting.”
Sometimes people are trying to be kind to those who had difficult births or felt badly about how the birth unfolded. I get that. But more often, I think it is used as a way of saying that childbirth - and women’s experience of it - is trivial or unimportant. It minimizes something that, for many women, has deep cultural meaning or spiritual significance, that they regard as a profound and transformative experience (for good or bad).
You might console a friend after a disastrous wedding by telling them that they have the rest of their lives together, or that the marriage matters more than the wedding. Maybe you don’t get it, since you yourself would be fine with a quick trip to the courthouse. But it would be a lot to tell someone else that their wedding doesn’t matter - because we recognize that for many people the start of that relationship matters deeply. The same is true of childbirth.
(And of course there are those who use such phrases to convey something even worse, namely: women, don’t get hung up on what happens to you or your body, because your pain or trauma, your autonomy and privacy - they’re not that important. The baby is important. You’re just the wrapper.)
18
Well said. Thank you.
I had a miscarriage and then, thankfully had a healthy baby boy that I take care of - his father had no interest in me or him after his birth. I have told my son about his lost brother. We pray for his soul every night. But we also celebrate life. And love all the precious memories we make.
4
I’m sorry for the shame that seems to accompany motherhood, and the perceived shame, that sharing ones story, whatever it is, can open yourself up to “mother bashing”.
Most mothers in the USA give birth for the first time without ever having seen a baby been born. There is so much mystery surrounding the options and the process of birthing. I
I gratefully had a doula who showed me a movie of women squatting to give birth, so gravity could help push the baby out. My first baby was born while I was like a bug on my back, pushing and not understanding the breathing. Hospitals have a bar that attaches to the end of the birthing bed (visit the hospital, beforehand, to check this out- I wouldn’t have known), that you can lean on, so you can push the baby out while standing up. The bed is below you, the doctors hands below you to scoop the baby up.
Birthing is fascinating, and we are really lucky for all the options that we have. Pain medication is there if you need it, as well as all the interventions. Preparing ourselves for the process- it’s very interesting to hear what individual women experience, no matter what the process is for getting there.
Sharing our stories openly is vital so that the experience of birthing is more like a normal part of life, and not this dramatic mystery, full of judgement, shame, etc
I find it offensive when, in the comments, when people ask women to “grow up”.
10
A NYT website on parenting? Here's a perfect name for it: "Helicopoter."
7
I had an unplanned c-section while living in California. I don’t feel ashamed of this at all. I do, however, feel angry that I wasn’t allowed things I would have had in the UK (where I grew up).
In California I had no access to “gas and air”, birth pools or midwives- things that are all standard in the UK. I could have an epidural (and did because there were no other options) but only a very strong one. The nurse complained I wasn’t pushing hard enough- I couldn’t even tell if I was pushing as I had no feeling at all!
I feel angry to this day (3 years later) that I had such little choice. I would have liked to have had a more active birth using gas and air, and a birth pool, while being assisted by midwives instead of a dr I saw for maybe five minutes. I probably would have still have ended up with a c-section (which would be totally fine) but I would have got there my own way.
Another thing that would have improved my birth- if the drs had held up my baby above the curtain when they pulled her out. I never saw her until she had had the blood wiped off, was wrapped in a blanket and passed to my husband and I feel sad about this.
21
I have more than one friend who opted for a c-section after a prior pregnancy ended in stillbirth. Not wanting to relive the trauma of a vaginal delivery, a c-section was the most humane option for these mothers, giving them agency and ability to feel joy at the arrival of their newborns. They are no less worthy for a choice that preserved their well-being so that they could be the best mother possible to their families.
24
@Judi McLaughlin Well Said!
The NYT'S Politically Correct Parenting Column. Instead of learning something about parenting--having done it four times myself--I was treated instead to a semantics lesson. What a waste of trees.
16
It sounds as if the Times parenting section is off to a good start!
3
How the child got from a birth canal into your arms isn't what makes a successful parent--it's the millions of decisions you make *after* that one moment. There are so many important things parents do for their kids, preparing them for the road ahead, that this one thing--something the baby won't even remember--shouldn't become overly important.
This isn't to diminish what it means to individuals, but to use it as a litmus test for your chops as a parent doesn't make lots of sense. It's like a writer attributing the quality of the novel to the kind of pen the writer uses; it's important to the writer, but it's the good work the writer does that we admire. To the reader, the kind of pen the writer uses is mildly interesting, but ultimately, it's the work itself we really like.
15
Not everyone can have a natural birth. I tried but ended up with a c section. No regrets. Did not stop me from raising a brilliant and wonderful child.
My advice stress less about the birth process and turn off the TV set. We raised out child TVless believe it or not and it was the best move we ever made in parenting!
10
I am confused, does parenting stop at pre-school? Because that is as far as your new site goes. There is more than enough information about birth through pre-school all over the internet, so much so it will be hard for you to say much new. However, once kids get into elementary and then worse - middle and high school the opportunities decrease and you really have to search. It would be nice to have it in one place, with a pov.
10
I'm grateful for the perspective this article offers and de-bunking the term 'natural' when it comes to childbirth. As a queer woman, the process of getting pregnant will most certainly involve some form of IVF. I recently had a straight friend unconsciously compare the way she will conceive to the way that I would, the primary difference being that her way would be 'natural.' It left a bad taste in my mouth. I felt that this article could have covered the way 'natural' is often used to refer to heteronormative, intercourse-based conception.
16
I believe people can create or form loving families in any number of ways, and should. And I’m hugely thankful that we live in an era with reproductive options like IVF, surrogacy, and gene testing in a culture increasingly supportive of LGBTQ rights. But I’m genuinely curious— what adjective would you have preferred? Old fashioned?
Conception derived from heteronormative intercourse is indisputably natural in the biological sense. But that doesn’t make a child conceived via reproductive assistance/technologies any less marvelous or desirable or adorable!
Maybe your friend needs a boost in the tact department; maybe your skin is a little thin. But we risk getting stuck in the weeds when we start going down that road...
5
It might be worth remembering that plenty of heterosexual couples end up using IVF or IUI or sperm donors or surrogates to have children, too. It seems obstetrics both to those who aren’t straight and those who struggle with infertility to imply there’s something lesser if you got your child some other way than intercourse.
I'm an anesthesiologist and a mom. It has never occurred to me to feel inadequate because I received epidurals during labor. Nor do I get feeling proud if you didn't have one. Who cares? Surely most women have accomplished enough in life that they don't need to base their self-worth on whether they went through childbirth unmedicated.
And as an aside, I've attended a lot of births, both as an obstetrics intern delivering the babies and as an anesthesiologist administering epidurals. This I've learned: the degree of pain varies widely.
50
@Riley2 Your comment should be a NYT pick.
7
@Riley2
Maybe, for some women, giving birth does make up a significant portion of their accomplishments and identity. I guess that would explain the evidence-be-damned dogma of some of the ‘natural birth’ fanatics.
Can you comment on your perception of the rate of maternal request c-sections by OB’s (ie when OB’s give birth)? I thought I remembered hearing it was higher than the population average but I can’t find the data to back that up.
I get so tired of people impugning the motives behind the recommendations that OB’s make to laboring mothers - that it’s all about their golf game, etc - without knowing the slightest bit about the evidence for those recommendations. Perhaps they would reconsider if they knew that OB’s sometimes elected C-sections for themselves even in the absence of risk factors for complications with vaginal delivery.
Your mom gave birth to you, whether using medications or surgery or one of the "natural" flavors. THAT, in of itself is miraculous and amazing! She should be proud of that achievement and congratulated and hugged for it, for no man can ever push a baby out of their bodies. So why shame them for this? It's bizarre and ridiculous! If men can give birth they'd all invent a complicated medical procedure to make it as painless as possible. And mandate fully paid paternity leaves!
7
Why use a judgmental term like “good”? What matters is the outcome. I had a full breech baby in a military hospital (I was the service member) completely unattended by family or medical personnel for the last 4 hrs of labor. The doc and nurse on call were busy delivering twins. I made it into the delivery room 5 mins before it was time to start getting the baby out. My husband arrived as I was wheeled in. The anesthesiologist didn’t make it in time. I did get a whiff of oxygen though :-). It was a chaotic and somewhat challenging birth but I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it. No drugs, no assistance of any kind by anyone until the final minutes. I had to rely on my own strength as women have throughout the world and throughout history. I had a healthy, beautiful baby girl. Now, using your judgmental terms was that a good birth or a bad birth?
10
Right? How is the fairly neutral term „natural“, meaning as nature intended before we came up with medical interventions, somehow more judgmental than „good“ and „bad“! It’s only a descriptive term! We’re all glad that medical interventions exist, they save the lives of moms and babies who would have died in earlier eras and with a „natural“ birth.
People need to stop being so offended all the time. As far as I’m concerned, as far as the birth ends with a living child and mom, that’s a good birth.
9
@Ginny Yes, a living baby and mother is the best outcome. A living baby and a mother who doesn’t feel like she was an incubator, who felt like she had agency, is also important. I don’t know why that seems to be a dangerous idea to some people, why it seems so threatening that some women might like input into what is for most of us one of most significant events in our lives. It has always smacked of light misogyny to me.
The birth of my first child was a nightmare full of pain. Hard to get over, and hard to describe: In extreme pain your higher mental capacities shut off, and you suffer like an animal. (The rest of the time I was busy throwing up from the pain.)
The birth of my next child was a dream compared to the first experience. The pain was a lot less; within what I could bear, and we discovered that if my husband lifted me up under my arms every time I had a contraction, this hanging relieved the pain immensely. This teamwork was an amazing experience. It is one of the most precious memories of my life.
13
Just drop "natural birth". All human behavior is cultural. The correct term is "physiologic childbirth" meaning that when possible the body is humored- allowing the mother to eat drink and move, have people she wants to be there with her and sometimes-gasp- wear her own clothes. This matters a lot to abuse survivors who generally prefer more coverage than a hospital johnnie. They also prefer maximum privacy and minimal examinations especially unnecessary ones. How women are treated in birth DOES matter. Bad care can cause real trauma , exacerbate postpartum depression and anxiety and make it hard to enjoy the baby which was surely the object of the whole enterprise. But yes what is natural is a lot of death in childbirth and infant mortality so thank God we have medical interventions for when we need them. The key is |"need". Every patient needs to be assessed individually. Chemically paralyzed. quiet women are easy for staff to manage but that isn't always the safest way Every intervention needs a cost/benefit analysis. The maternal death rate in the US has been rising in recent decades in part because of medically unnecessary sections. As has the late prematurity rate. For good Cochrane (study of studies) approved information relating to birth for both families and professionals look at the Childbirth Connection website. For Postpartum emotional symptoms call us at the Postpartum Resource Center of NY, 631-422-2255. Now, SAT Scores! Janet O'Hare, LCSW
9
@Janet O'Hare Don't you mean all human behavior is natural?
1
As an adoptee, and someone who plans to adopt, I am so happy to see a parenting section relevant to adoption. Many people overlook adoption issues, assuming the adopted child has been given a better life, but there are often elements of disconnectedness in the lives of the parents, birth parents, and adoptees. According to research I've done, the issues surrounding adoption stem from lack of language to talk about adoption. Thank you for this.
13
Both of my children were born at home. Being the man in the situation I'm not sure I'm the one to judge if this was good or bad. It was the 70s, early 80s and it was the thing to do. One was born on The Farm with the guidance of Ina May Gaskin and the other was born in SF later on. Both are now healthy, smart and opinionated.
11
Can I tell you, I gave birth to two babies with no anesthesia by choice. I am extremely careful to never mention it, but it does occasionally come up and it is met with visceral anger and a barrage of insulting questions along with the incredulous stance that I must be insane. I have never attempted to shame anyone, I completely understand the desire for pain control and I almost never tell anyone, but I did this for deeply personal reasons which I share with people who call me crazy to my face just to temper the reaction. I really wonder why I have to be so careful with people who think I am insane and have no problem insulting me for doing something that billions and billions of women have done since the dawn of man?
42
I did, too and I absolutely understand what you are saying.
11
@MC Ochs In the Netherlands we have had to fight for the possibility to get pain relief. Anaestheseia was simply not offered for childbirth. Not every woman likes to go through that. Would people also opt for a root canal treatment without pain relief?
5
So did I, over ruptured membranes and with pitocin. No one has ever met this information with visceral anger or insulting questions. Perhaps it isn’t the news of an unmedicated birth to which they’re responding angrily.
Why encourage people to become parents? The world is already grossly overpopulated and it is not like we are going to run out of people.
Pregnancy and childbirth ruin women's bodies, often causing lifelong debilities. Children often put enormous strain on marriages and ruin them. Lots of children these days are so toxified, or their parents are so toxified, that the children have all sorts of what are euphemistically called "special needs." A child who will never speak or be continent has a way of ruining the mother's life for good.
Many people are not fit to be parents, which is why there are so many depressed, anxious, criminal and bizarre children and young people these days.
And there may be no future for today's children with what has been done to the biosphere and since politicians have thrown in the towel on saving the planet and its lifeforms.
Why encourage more children in a world that is already groaning under the weight of 7 billion humans and their planet-destroying lifestyles?
11
@Earthling because becoming a parent (through childbirth, adopting or fostering) is one of the greatest joys a person can experience. Not everyone wants to do it (or should do it) but for those of us who have found having children to be the greatest thing we’be done, we want to talk about it and learn more through other people’s experiences. If you don’t want to become a parent, don’t but then scroll on by.
14
Seriously? Just how has having children “ruined” my body? I weigh the same as I did before the first (of four) and most first world countries are in need of people to support all the old people that are still alive thanks to modern medicine and hygiene.
3
@Earthling -- well said.
Seems to me insisting on having a baby the so-called "natural way" is the female equivalent of machismo - shall we call femismo?
Some commenters here are proud of having toughed it out despite the pain, of their discipline and stoicism, as if this were a test of one's mettle, a battle, a competition...the mommy wars indeed. American competitiveness even in childbirth?
21
No, it is not competition or a testing of mettle. It is a belief that it is healthier for the baby to have a non-medicated mother.
Many women attempt best practices for child-raising; they feel avoiding medication at birth and during pregnancy is best for their child. The opposite of machismo.
Many moms find they cannot have the non-medicated birth they sought.They do not feel they “lost the competition” to other mothers: they feel they let their previous baby down.
Medications are given with little warning during birth. The mom may have more pain due to the specifics of the birth, the medical situation may demand medication, or the doctor may be one who gives medications to all patients. (Ask the hospital nurses about that ahead of time! I found out from nurses that my new doctor never performed vaginal birth after C sections despite telling many pregnant women he did them.) The mom’s hopes for un-medicated birth are dashed in seconds at a time when they are extremely vulnerable.
Moms-to-be need to choose a doctor who will give the mom the best medications that have the lowest impact on the baby if medications are needed. They must realize the possibility exists that their non-medicated birth may not occur. The focus should be on that baby rather than on any feelings of failure: there is no failure, only what is necessary to give birth to a miracle.
12
I thought your perspective was really interesting and I totally respect your point of view. I have given birth to two singletons plus twins and I’ve had a miscarriage. I think what may have been lost in 30 years since I was having my kids Is that women felt thought it was important to reclaim the process of childbirth. Associated with this was the idea that conventional medicine involved unnecessarily intervening in the process. The central idea being that the process belonged to the woman and not to other people. I don’t believe anyone involved in this sought to shame anyone and I would certainly never wish to do that.
4
@AG yes, there are Mommy Wars in America and there is also a war on women in America by none other than other women. Then, there are women who believe they speak for all women.
1
Well, "how-I-gave-birth-shaming" happens to women on both ends of the spectrum. I did it my way. Because I didn't choose medication, I needed to manage the power of it, and I was very vocal (not words, just sounds). The nurses hated it. They asked me to stop vocalizing. then asked me to do an epidural. I kept on, as it helped me immensely, and I said no, again, to a needle in my spine. I was grateful to be in a hospital as my daughter had breathed in some meconium and needed intensive care for 2 days. I wasn't thrilled that it was so challenging to just do what my body wanted to.
Wanting to control as much as you can about the experience isn't wrong. If there was a next time, I'd give them a heads up that "This might get loud!" . They really wanted to shut me up.
19
I am deeply suspicious of everything “natural”. Most people who use this term are deeply committed to a utopian fantasy in which “nature” is flowers and butterflies and “civilization” is evil mad scientists. In fact, a natural birth is often the one in which either the mother or the baby dies, thus allowing natural selection to have its way in weeding our the unfit. Sure, pain in childbirth is natural. So is the Black Death. I had my two sons by Caesarean and I could not have been happier. It was fast and easy; I was conscious and even chatting with the doctor; and I did not spend 10 hours in labor as my poor mother had when she had me. Had I lived before modern medicine I would have been either dead or exhausted by endless pregnancies long time ago, reduced to a suffering animal. So enjoy your “natural” blood, pain, screaming, breach presentation, stillborn babies, prolapsed uteri and torn genitals. I’ll take civilization any time.
21
@Mor Amen!!
7
@Mor Birth is an initiation to parenthood. Women who undergo its challenges and have their inner strength tested by its demands are thereby prepared for being a parent when countless demands will test your resiliency, dedication and commitment.
Having given birth both by C-section (after 24 hours of labor) and by VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), I can tell you that both ways equally promoted inner growth that served me as a mother. But I did feel disappointment in myself after the C-section and a much better sense of completion after the vaginal birth. I held out for a “natural” childbirth in the ‘80s because I believed and still believe now that that was the healthiest gift I could give my baby.
My 2 sons are now in their 30s. My c-section son has had health challenges that came from the lack of innoccultion by the microbiome in my vagina despite having nursed him for 2 years. His metabolism runs on high stress as if he’s never resolved that emergency moment and learned how to self-calm. My VBAC son has the ability to endure. He’s a rock climber and can face fearful situations and work his way through them with much greater ease. I do see how their births affected them not only as children but also as adults.
We do remember our births even if not consciously. Our bodies store the memories. Breathwork can help you recover them. I recommend exploring the attitudes you picked up from your mother about birth. I would suggest there’s a lot to learn there about yourself.
@Mor Having had three births - one C, one blessedly medicated vaginal and one vaginal with no pain meds, I will say that I would happily take the recovery from a vaginal birth over that of a c-section any day. And really, even most unmedicated births are in hospitals. I was there, using their sterile stuff, utilizing all the scientific training of the doctors and nurses, thank god for pitocin and fentanyl epidurals.... but it’s not an either or. For most of us it’s a both and.
I hope this new section is helpful but can I just say that I'm soooo glad to be done with the fertility thru age 5 years of parenting?
It is rife with judgement, insecurity, navel gazing from all sides. It is exhausting.
The little ones? They are amazing but everything else? So glad to be done.
17
It's hard to see how society functions with all the new age propaganda. Oh wait it's not, and falling apart now.
6
Are you saying that women having desires and expectations for their child’s birth are “new age” and causing society to fall apart?
Specific desires and expectations for birth have occurred as long as women have given birth!
Most current desires for child birth were also popular when I had my children 3 decades ago. My mom said many of the same options were desired when she gave birth to me.
Birthing options have changed with medical changes: hospital births were not common when few hospitals existed, so most women had at-home births. Now that many hospitals are shutting down (30 a year) and even more hospitals no longer include birthing options, more women have at-home births.
7
If there was ever a better example of neoliberalism, it would have to be the libertarian paternalism by Cass Sunstein and Richard Thaler. Their claim is that they are going to save you from yourself but you are still free, a blatantly hypocritical stance made all the more hypocritical by their denial of such criticism. This is the same strategy used throughout history where overlords tell people "this is gonna hurt, but it is for your own good," or when the cats decided after a long period of debate that they had no other option but to catch all the mice to save them.
Propaganda comes in forms that are most pernicious when it is given as much political cover as it does the message it is trying to promote. This article is a perfect example of this. The paternalism of this message is astounding, and it steps past the "softening" effect that the modifier "libertarian" Sunstein and Thaler added to try and get away with their inverted totalitarianism so well described by Sheldon Wolin. Wolin described how controlling people with the carrot is done these days in lieu of the stick.
But what is most appalling is the patronization that modern young couples do not receive wisdom and support from their elders and families and that the NYT needs to step in and tell them how it is done. First, we're gonna change the language and stop shaming people who feel like they didn't have a natural childbirth and instead use the term "Good Birth."
Great. Now you had an onomatopoetic bad birth.
4
In addition to eschewing the term "natural birth", please stop using the term "adopted child." I cringe when I read profiles or obituaries where one's offspring are listed as "adopted sons/daughters." Children are children.
11
is'nt the most important thing a healthy baby and mom? Enough of natural childbirth, what more must we prove even before we deliver?
5
"Additionally, we realized that the term “natural birth” could shame women whose deliveries were deemed not “natural” — whether they had C-sections, needed to be induced or simply desired pain relief."
Are you kidding? You do realize that you can't control how other people feel, right? No matter what you say, someone will feel offended and excluded. Of course a Caesarean section is unnatural. So are all operations. So is pain medication. So are antibiotics. So are cars. So are vaccines. So what?
Hiding the truth by using obfuscating language is absurd. Caesarean sections save lives BECAUSE they are unnatural.
No woman owes anyone an explanation about the WHY behind her chosen method of birth. In the same vein, society doesn't owe women who made the perfectly valid, but clearly not natural choice of having a C-section, or pain medication, a euphemism.
Let's be grown ups. Able to call things what they are, and not judge.
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@Adele I am a grown up. It did hurt to hear the phrase “natural birth” when I had a c-section (and a very sick baby). “Natural birth,” as the article takes pains to explain, is a deeply inarticulate word, imprecise and therefore really rather useless. I call my c-section a surgical birth and my other births vaginal, one each medicated and un. See? Far more precise. I’m okay extending some bits of kindness, especially to those in a tender phase of life like new motherhood. I don’t really see a reason to kick new mothers in the teeth with vague words.
The home birth article was obviously written by someone who has not had and would not have a home birth. I love one of the main topics, in bold, "WHEN TO WORRY". Watch The Business of Being Born.
4
So now you have inadvertently brought to the foreground the alternative, the onomatopoetic "Bad Birth." Good Job, neoliberals around the world are cheering you on.
5
Will this column also cover adoption?
"Additionally, we realized that the term 'natural birth' could shame women whose deliveries were deemed not 'natural'. . ."
What do you think your term "good pelvis" does to women who were too small to delivery their babies vaginally?
I think we all know what a "natural birth" is and to avoid the term is to claim a twisted moral high ground that you couldn't even occupy for the length of your essay.
16
I worry all day everyday about the children I do have. Look around the NY Times website and tell me why anyone would be trying to get pregnant right now.
2
I hope this new project will consider the ethical issues around artificial reproductive technologies. Often there is so much concern about offending the intended parents that the child’s perspective is neglected. I understand why, out of compassion for people who can’t conceive due to infertility, age, or sexual orientation, the editors want to treat all paths to parenthood as the same. But it would be a big omission not to consider the potential exploitation of surrogates and egg donors, or what it means for the “donor conceived” child to be permanently severed from his or her origins so that the commissioning parents can form the family they want.
5
I definitely appreciate the Times taking this position, but I have to speak up and say I am not in the least “ashamed” of my medicated births, what I am is angry that people act like an unmedicated birth is better, or as I saw in a recent article somewhere online, that a C-section isn’t a birth. I’ve had a section, a VBAC, and another section, and if I’m blessed with a fourth child I will have a third section. I have had a variety of interventions, and certainly pain management each time. I find the obsession with the exact conditions of birth and the fetishization of supposedly unassisted labor offensive and ridiculous. People who mourn the birth they didn’t get to have ought to consider the plight of the parents who leave the hospital without a baby, or think about how adoptive parents might feel when they hear the constant stream of nonsense about how one needs a certain specific medical scenario to bond properly with one’s child. It’s not birth of any kind that makes you a mother or a parent. It is love and joyful self-sacrifice. If people are really having unmedicated birth purely because it is best for themselves (and I can’t think of any other reason why they should) then there ought to be no need to brag endlessly about it, any more than I would expect to hear about the granular details of a stranger’s hernia operation or dental surgery.
11
I was actually shamed by my mother and sisters BECAUSE I experienced an unmedicated birth. I had taken prepared childbirth classes but had no objection to medication if I needed it. By the time I requested an epidural, the nurses and I were stunned that I was already fully dilated. My mother and sisters insisted that I was foolishly trying to be a hero. I was just happy that I had a healthy baby.
10
At least you know starting from your baby’s birth that you can reject your mother’s and sisters’ advice in the future since they have already failed to support you and instead tried to make you feel incompetent at a time when you needed to focus on caring for your miracle. Believe in your own judgement: you will be the one to decide so many important issues quickly. You need to have faith that you have the situation covered without asking negative people for feedback.
You brought a healthy baby into the world. You did good!
1
There is no shortage of righteous opinions on matters of procreation, from conception to gestation to parturition to child rearing. No matter the words we adopt, there will always exist people who find ways to use these words to shame others.
The words are not so much the issue as is our need to feel superior.
5
The real misogyny lies in the idea that women should suffer through pain because it's natural, which comes from the idea that it is what God intended. (Nature does not intend anything. Evolution stumbles along with all kinds of serious imperfections, and our birthing canal is one of them.)
It horrifies me when I see women accept that old-patriarchy idea and pretend it is something feminist. It is not. Centuries of men telling women they should just bear the pain. Sure. That's empowerment.
13
@Northstar5
Yes birth has a long history of hurting and not just in our species. Being allowed to be upright isn't about being organic. Being flat on your back is incredibly painful in labor. Pitocin causes relentless very strong pain doubling contractions that can go on for 45 minutes. Epidurals paralyze you nicely for the pain of labor but makes delivery much MORE painful. There are actually people who think having a cesarean birth is less painful but check out the nursing and medication instructions for postpartum. As for those who think they will be more in "control" with an unnecessary major surgery ...um you are not in control about any aspect of having a hostage to fate. You just make the best decisions you can with the information you've got.
Janet O'Hare, LCSW
4
In some cases, foregoing an epidural is the trade-off for having more agency in childbirth. I gave birth at a German birthing center, not because I wanted to do it without pain medication, but because I wanted to be sure I had a room to myself the entire time, wouldn’t be sent away because they had no beds, be attended by a midwife the entire time, and would be able to move around freely and choose my birthing position. All of these are definitely not a given in German hospitals. So I sacrificed my pain relief for my agency.
1
Many, many years ago I had a two year old when I suffered an abruption at almost eight months and lost the baby. My doctor said there was no reason to not try again and we did but the other babies were C-sections because of the surgery to remove a dead baby. The only thing that mattered then was to have a healthy baby and to not die doing it. I don't think anything has changed. I think women today should grow up but I know they will take my head off for saying that. However it happens that's what counts. That what my doctor said back then when I questioned having the sections (I knew nothing) and even after all these years I agree. Healthy baby is all that counts and why would you let people shame you? Grow up.
12
if men bore children we'd all use pain meds and have c-sections without a 2nd thought to what the intelligentsia thought about "natural" childbirth and being "empowered" by the pain. At the end of the day much of this discussion is really about the hyper-intense competition women have with each other.
7
But men don’t have children because that’s not how God wanted it. So there, take it up with God.
I'm surprised that NYT is aggregating infertility (and, presumably also miscarriage & stillbirth) with pregnancy, birth, and parenting. For would-be parents unable to conceive or carry a healthy child to term, this will be a very painful mix of topics.
3
I'm so happy that the author is "thrilled" with her work. Me, not too impressed so far.
Doesn't the last virtue signalling line of this article belie all of the previous PC blathering about how NOT to shame women? Or was it just a convenient way to brag about her big pelvis/labor endurance or pain? Facebook would offer a better outlet, perhaps. "And I did" - really, other than you and your immediate family, or best friends, who cares?
According to my mother, an OB/GYN nurse for >30 years, babies delivered by Cesarian section were usually much better looking (e.g., undamaged by instruments or passage through the birth canal) than those delivered vaginally - so there's one small bonus, perhaps, for those women who don't care to let their male doctors tell them what they "need" to do, especially after 24 hours of labor.
Just my perspective, probably never to see the light of day.
6
The idea that a routine reference to someone's capabilities somehow "shames" those without them would seem to open the door to restrictions on all sorts of reporting -- accounts of wonderful feats of artistry or athleticism, for example. Consider me "shamed" next time you describe a Lebron James dunk. This has reached the point of the ridiculous.
2
I look forward to reading this, and am grateful the Times is dedicating resources to the subject.
I have serious issues with many aspects of modern medicine (and other aspects of modern medicine I'm grateful for - I want to be clear), and birthing is one of those issues.
I'd like to see you all tackle some of the issues raised in documentaries like "The Business of Being Born" (2008) and this article from Vice: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/evqew7/obstetric-violence-doulas-abuse-giving-birth
3
As a person whose current pregnancy was entirely gained through "unnatural" assistance (IVF), and having experienced 5 miscarriages prior, i can tell you right now - if i am lucky enough to carry this baby to term, i shall not give a HOOT about how it is born. Medicated, unmedicated. Vaginal, c-section. Whale music, Tupac. Couldn't care less. You know why? Because my focus isn't on those few hours (or days) of labor and birth - it'll be on the next 50-60 years i'll be able to spend as a mother, and how awesome it is that i get to have a child after four years of repeated, devastating heartbreak. We spend entirely too much time judging women on the choices they make for this miniscule amount of time in their lives. Birth is birth - the end game is an alive and healthy mother and baby. Literally NOTHING else matters.
21
Spot on! And good luck :)
3
Will there be any discussion on the Climate Crisis and how it impacts people's decision to have or not have children?
6
As one of the millennial women driving the birthdate down, I look forward to this NYT parenting site as my husband and I consider having a baby. Aside from finances, there are so many other reasons we haven’t yet had a child: navigating the healthcare system, postpartum health, childcare decisions, and family leave. I look forward the the resources and stories on these two things to come. Hopefully it will help us make our decision.
13
@suzanne
Sounds like a lot of decisions; I have no doubt you and your husband will arrive at the one that works best for you.
I just want to point out that ALL the factors you mentioned are financial. I wish our culture/government made these decisions easier by removing the financial issues.
From my observation, it seem gender roles are still very much alive our present society. For instance, in the neighborhood I live most of the people pushing strollers around are women. And in many households I visit it seems that females still take pride in “making the house/have it feel homey”
the act of childbirth is inherently feminine. perhaps there could be a dialogue of what women expect from their partners while they go through the process of childbirth, pregnancy, etc.
but we certainly shouldn’t be judging people’s use of epidurals, pain management meds, and other things that may be associated with childbirth -
we should be asking what the next generation of kiddos are going to be challenged with and how we can make the world a better and friendlier place for them!
1
@Jon Ezzard In my very progressive neighborhood men and women share in childbearing equally, 4.5 months each, let alone pushing strollers! We won't let mere anatomical differences get in the way of equality among all. Mind over matter!
1
I’m glad to see the NYTimes focusing on parenting. And I appreciate this thoughtful introduction to a deeply divisive topic.
I wish there were some data here, though - especially as research driven info is a stated goal of this new series.
When I chose to head into both of my deliveries with as little intervention as possible, my decision was data driven - and had they gone on much longer than they did, I would have certainly asked for pain relief.
1
An even vaguer term than natural birth is "natural birth movement". As someone who had her babies in the 1980s I think of it as the movement to provide more control over the birth process to the mother who is giving birth, by providing information and practical education on non-drug alternatives for pain management (which for many births do work well) and by advocating for change in the standard hospital practices that worked against a physiological birth (e.g no fluids or eating, continuous monitoring strapped to a bed, no moving about, to name just a few). I credit the natural birth movement with a sea change in the way that, today, many (not all) hospitals and medical staff respect women's choices.
Shaming new mothers for whatever is a practice that is as old as the hills. Ask mothers of any generation. It's not something the natural birth movement created.
9
To the lady who said that contractions were "heavenly" I say that the similar physiologic sensation of smooth muscle contractions akin to charlie horses or having stomach flu. Now both men and women who've not yet had contractions at the height of labor can relate to how those sensations rate on a pain scale.
Given the idea that labor will result in (usually) a new member of the family and all the good and excitement that goes with it, the discomfort can be minimized with self hypnosis and concentration with enhanced breathing and focal points and all that. Sort of like putting up with leg pain while running a foot race. But most women in labor will feel sensations that fit in the pain region of the mind.
2
After birthing three children "naturally" I certainly judge no woman for choices around birth. All three were very difficult and, at times, painful journeys. They were also transformative. However, I am very mindful of when and how I share my birth feelings. Many people don't want to hear that natural birth fundamentally changed me. It made me stronger, more resilient and comfortable with vulnerability than I had been. It helped me connect to my children when they were in pain. It has helped me connect to others and to empathize. It helped me advocate for myself in my career. Something deep inside of me shifted, especially after the birth of my first child. I think it has something to do with a simple feeling of - "If I can get through that, I can get through anything." And yes, I did feel immense pride after each birth. It feels strange for some women to have this powerful, uniquely feminine experience silenced out of concern for shaming others.
22
@BethJones - Women who had cesarean births may come out of them with the same sense of connectedness and resilience - after all, if they "could get through that", they "could get through anything". You cannot know how you would feel after an experience you've never had.
3
@PM Yes. Women who have cesarean births can feel empowered. Of course they can. But your response to me sharing my feelings about my birth experience is exactly the kind of response that silences women. My birth experience does not reflect on how other women experience birth. They are only my feelings. Birth is not a zero-sum competitive experience. If I shared my feelings of euphoria about completing a marathon for the first time would you immediately dismiss me by stating that other women feel empowered doing other kinds of athletics and I cannot possibly know what I would feel after yoga? I think not. So why do we feel compelled to silence women’s stories of empowerment through birth?
5
I know exactly what you mean. You put this so much better than I could have. The pain of unmedicated births was shocking, but the experience changed who I am. The fact of becoming a parent - and how it happened - are bound together for me.
Yet my advice to people pregnant with their first (which I don’t offer unless explicitly asked) is that they should absolutely make whatever choice feels right for them, without any guilt. It’s precisely because childbirth was such a personal and meaningful transformation that I would never, ever presume to tell anyone else how to do it or how to feel about it. It is theirs, not mine.
2
I look forward to the new Parenting site although I hope it covers topics beyond fertility, birth, babyhood and toddlerhood, as the initial post suggests. As the Mom to a 13-yr old girl, I can tell you straight up that I need more guidance now than I EVER did.
11
I don't want to shame anyone. But I still feel good that I was able to have two unmedicated births without any IV or other interventions, not because of any competition but because I did not want unnecessary intervention. At the same time, the Certified Nurse Midwives who delivered my babies were in a practice with MDs who would have been there had anything required them to get involved.
15
You won the genetic lottery. It feels good to win the lottery. Not all of us have that kind of luck.
8
Thank you Jessica and NY Times for this awesome rule. I appreciate it. You are thoughtful, kind, educated and spot-on with this one.
5
I hope to read articles concerning the barriers to a “good birth” and what can be done to remove the barriers. Poor women, incarcerated women, and women living in isolated communities. Working class women who face job loss if they ask for time off for pre natal appointments. Not all have the privilege of birth options or breastfeeding long term.
28
When I worked as an OB/GYN resident there were numerous women who’d come in with doulas and birth plans - fine.
The anguishing part for me was when life took a turn, as it often does. These patients would have this sense of failure, this sense of inadequacy, as if what they had just gone through was somehow worth less than others who’d have, ‘gone natural.’
Neuroaxial anesthesia can be a wonderful thing in controlling head-speed in a delivery and thereby reducing tears. Having an epidural in place can save the need for general anesthesia in the case of stat c-sections.
Childbirth is hard and can be dangerous. The mortality rates before modern medicine were appalling.
Healthy mom and healthy baby should be the only two outcomes any provider, and any one pushing childbirth services should strive for.
60
You, nor anyone else will state the designation of my child’s birth.
It’s not about naming conventions. It’s about curbing the habit of labeling and negativity around women’s child bearing abilities and experience.
11
And the virtue signaling about the superiority of unmedicated childbirth is only the beginning; next comes breast-feeding, cloth diapers, pureed organic baby food and so on. Please can this stop?
49
@msd
Yes, where is the hand-wringing about character, values, and virtue? Where is discussion on raising kids to be prudent, just, temperate, honest, courageous, empathetic, and charitable?
Does it matter if your kids wore cloth diapers if, a few years later, he picks on a kid at school, or cheats on a test, or lies to get out of trouble? Or, later, becomes a troll in an internet chat room, rages at someone at a political rally, cheats on a spouse, or lies about a colleague to get ahead at work?
Or maybe the kid simply grows up as self-absorbed and smug as his virtue-signaling mommy (who lacks any actual virtues - and trust me, a medication-free birth is not a virtue; I know, because I've had one).
Your kids can come out the hard way, breastfeed until kindergarten, and eat organic, co-sleep, and still be a little jerk. Morality and virtue are two things children do NOT get through breast milk. They need instruction and they need modeling. They will hear you trash-talk others. They will notice your sense of smug superiority. They will watch you elevate the superficial above what should matter, and not be able to tell the difference.
With parents this inwardly-focused, I wish schools would go back to teaching the cardinal virtues like they did a century ago. Same thing for houses of worship, instead of stoking culture wars centered around private parts. Speaking of which, this whole topic seems like yet another culture war centered around private parts.
7
This article is great. It is telling us that we need to share our stories because there are a range of experiences and we will fall into one of them! But we need to share them in order to know what exists.
Every human being is different, every human being has different biology so why do we expect all women to have similar birthing experiences. Throw everything out the window in terms of what to expect. Throw away the book 'what to expect when expecting.'
We do not have control over many biological aspects in our lives.
Many of us shouldn't even be around but thanks to medical interventions we are given the gift of life. Be happy that you can carry a child, give it comfort, give it warmth, and a life. That is what matters. From a cognitive standpoint, life moves on, whether you have a c-section (if by choice, that trend is changing) or vaginal birth will not matter years down the line. What you will see are the fruits of your parenting style and skills- which by the way is something we have agency over!
6
@S.
I couldn't agree more. Be proud of your accomplishments and be happy that others can be proud of theirs.
Eleanor Roosevelt was right: 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent'.
3
Hmm. As I understand it from this and other articles:
I should not be proud of having children without drugs and interventions, because someone who chose otherwise might have hurt feelings. How dare I take pride in my personal discipline?
I should not be proud of having breastfed both of my children, because someone who chose otherwise might have hurt feelings. How dare I feel proud of overcoming a difficult nursing challenge?
I should not be proud that my sons are strong and healthy, because someone with a special needs child might get hurt feelings. How dare I praise my sons' intellectual or physical successes?
I should not ever mention that I am a mother, because someone who doesn't have children might get hurt feelings. How dare I take pride in committing myself to bring children into this world and raising them to be kind?
Just what exactly am I, a filthy hippie, progressive, natural child-birthing, extended nursing, proud mama allowed to say in conversation with others who may or may not be mothers? Is it now un-PC to share a mothering story that doesn't include medical interventions and formula feeding?
Personally, I think this article just fuels the fires of the mommy/culture wars. It seems like an attempt to shut down conversations about alternative, means of birthing. I don't judge how my mama friends gave birth, and it annoys me when someone assumes I'm judging them by simply sharing my natural childbirth stories.
Thin skins abound.
64
@Beanie
It's not the meat of what you're saying- of course it's wonderful that you have healthy kids and were fortunate on so many different levels throughout your deliveries and parenthood- it's the self-righteousness. You're describing a zero-sum situation, which as far as I can tell in the arena of pregnancy, birth and parenting is exactly the pernicious fallacy the NYT is trying to do away with. Will they manage it? I have no idea, it's a toughie. But your defensiveness- and most importantly your implication that everyone who didn't or couldn't do it your way *shouldn't* be proud, of themselves, of their kids; that you did it RIGHT and they're doing it WRONG- is offensive. Your tone is exactly the one used by combatants in the "mommy wars". (Which, what a weird phrase. I had no idea that getting pregnant entered me into a military draft, what a strange idea.)
Prime examples: citing "personal discipline" as the key factor in your unmedicated births, thereby implying that women who DO opt for pain medication are "undisciplined"? Please.
Essentially saying you should be "proud" of your developmentally-normative kids because, what, they're neurotypical? So should moms of non-typical kids be ashamed?
Check yourself.
213
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices, circumstances, "personal discipline," etc are half chance. So are everybody else's.
91
@Beanie I do think it's strange to feel deeply prideful about it. 2/3 of my births have been unmedicated, including one unattended home birth (accidental due an incompetent cervix.) Yes, I was able to deliver my own baby solo out of necessity. It's a fact about an event in my life. But I can't relate to this feeling of pride.
And when you use terms like "personal discipline," it's not surprising people feel judged. I was the exact same person when I later got a C-section as I was when grabbed a towel with one hand, a phone to call 911 with the other and successfully delivered a footling breech baby on my own before the EMTs arrived. The results of both births were the same - healthy babies.
100
@Ruby Abbiss, congratulations on your tiny victory, but it should not have been necessary. Your local building regulations likely require that he spaces between the railings on your balcony should be close enough together to prevent a 100 mm sphere from passing through. This is specifically meant to keep a small child from falling through the railings of a balcony, and from getting her head stuck between them as well. If you're renting, your landlord is required to provide you with a code-compliant balcony railing.
11
@AH You're lucky you didn't experience much pain. Good for you. But what's your intention here? To receive a medal? Standing ovation? To convince others that they don't need pain meds because you didn't?
Not everyone has the same experience as you. Fortunately for many of us, we have access to clean hospitals, knowledgeable staff, and medicine so we don't have to be miserable while giving birth.
To each her own.
I had "natural childbirth" for both of my children. It was tough, just like what women all over the world go through every day, but an hour afterward I walked around holding my baby. I sprinted out of the hospital the next day. Pain is real. If you do not want it, do not have a baby.
22
@Kuhlsue
You were fortunate. What if you had been told that your child was going to die if you didn't have a Caesarean section? Would you have insisted on continuing without one? Or perhaps you would have had a Caesarean without any anesthesia. After all, pain is real.
Anesthesia is real, too!
99
@Kuhlsue. Harsh. Might as well say "Pain is real, If you do not want it, do not have a tooth pulled." The whole idea that women should suffer pain in childbirth is straight out of Genesis ... punishment for biting the apple. God also made epidurals for the women who want them.
147
@Kuhlsue
This is an example of the reason we need to reframe some of our language as we talk about birth and child rearing.
Kuhlsue, I am glad that you had two happy outcomes and two delicious healthy children.
I wish you could find a way to be less judgmental toward the stories of those you know very little about. No one gains higher moral authority because they had a straightforward pregnancy and delivery.
95
C-section or home water birth, we all will accidentally bonk our kids' heads on the car roof when putting them in the car seat. Formula or extended breastfeeding, they will all eat french fries off the floor someday. Parenting is hard work, period. Let's focus on doing the best we can for our own children. We all have different challenges but it doesn't mean that any one choice is better than another (except choosing not to vaccinate--that's a terrible choice).
130
Exactly. Well said!
2
My mother was born by emergency C-section three months premature. She and my grandmother both nearly died; she spent months in the NICU. But she's okay now, in her fifties and a mother to three children of her own. Was it a natural birth? It was most certainly not. Was it a good birth? It was about the best anyone was going to manage at that point. Sometimes "good" means "the best we could do with what we had".
37
For a nominally 'evidence-based' approach to parenting this piece was pretty light on the actual evidence. Dr. Lyerly may have studied the experiences of 101 women to see whether or not they were satisfied with their births -- but frankly I would be much more interested in learning about actual medical outcomes for both mother and child. What kinds of situations and interventions, if any, lead to long-term healthy outcomes? I didn't find any answers to those kinds of questions in this piece.
13
@David
Check out the Child birth Connection 'Listening to Mothers" surveys.
Janet O'Hare, LCSW
1
We have had a wide range of births in our large extended family, with no negative comments for those women who had C sections; some of my nieces and nephews and a recent grand niece were born that way to everyone's joy. But we are an open family that communicates about these types of things without too much drama. It seems anecdotally that the C-section operations/births were more difficult for the women to recuperate from. But how about what is going on in the background that affects these choices (or medical necessities)?
I think an issue here in the USA is why are there so many C-sections compared to some of the other first world nations? Netherlands 15.6 per 100, Sweden 16.4, France 20.8 and the UK 22 while the USA is up there with Australia at around 32 per 100.
NPR did a show last year on the "alarming" and rising rate of C-Sections in our country. Perhaps in addition to parsing what it means to have a natural birth and you can have a sidebar about this aspect of our medical attitudes towards birthing and prospective mothers. And as C-sections are currently a real possibility for 1/3 of American women, you can do some good reporting on what is going on with that...
19
We don’t have a public healthcare option. If we did, our c-section numbers would go way down. Which means, many women are having them when they don’t need them. But the doctors know the insurance companies will pay and our premiums continue to rise. Go figure.
6
Being on the other end of the stick of life, it seems that a those wishes for a "good birth" are also those of a "good death". And all of what happens in between.....
Edited......
"Agency (capacity to make their own choices, even if things didn’t go according to plan),
Personal security (a sense of safety),
Connectedness (with medical providers, family members),
Respect (an acknowledgment that birth/life/death is a transformative event) and
Knowledge (understanding their bodies, and also understanding that birth/life/death was a process they couldn’t fully control)."
2
Argument for why the term is “imprecise”: the person who invented the term in 1933 believed it would exclude the use of drugs, and afterwards no paper has been published yet to establish a new definition.
Hmm...perhaps no paper has been published because the term is so clear in common sense? I’m not sure if there’s a definition for yoga either.
5
The usage of the term “natural birth” I’ve most commonly encountered is avoiding drugs that induce labor and/or limit pain. For some reason, birth pain has become fetishized as evidence of good parenting. My wife was subjected to barely contained disdain by women she hardly knew - mainly affluent professionals - when she told them she had gladly taken epidurals for the birth of both our children.
She countered with two ripostes: a story and a question. The story: when she was in the hospital delivering our older child, a 40+ single mother sharing her room refused pitocin to accelerate her labor and an epidural to alleviate her pain. My wife had a difficult labor, nearly 24 hours, but the other lady’s was far worse. Egged on by her pregnancy coach (a man), she refused to budge from her position. After nearly 40 hours of pain she was so weak and drained she couldn’t even cry out any more. Eventually the doctors decided she was risking both herself and her baby and forcibly rendered a c section delivery. The (rhetorical) question: would anyone today undergo even the simplest surgery without anesthesia?
Natural birth is another form of virtue signaling. There’s no good evidence that children benefit from their mother suffering pain during childbirth, or that the mother’s health is affected by anti-pain medication. I agree that unnecessary c sections should be reduced, but there’s no good reason in the 21st century for women to suffer the pain of childbirth if they can avoid it.
30
@Shiv I think it depends on the person. Some people can tolerate a level of pain that others can't imagine facing, but on the other hand, some of us may just not feel the pain as much. I'm convinced of that now.
8
@Shiv
In the 60s, women were given high doses of pain medication that included an amnesiac for "twilight sleep" during labor. These high doses of pain medications were overdoses for 7 pound infants and many had to be resuscitated or given meds to counter the opiates. Yes, meds can adversely affect babies. I was a student nurse and watched the births of these limp babies and decided not to do that to my child. I had a slightly complicated delivery the first time and had minimal medication but had to deliver with a spinal and forceps. The next time, I had an uncomplicated delivery and needed no intervention. The third time, I adopted a baby from Korea. I have three beautiful children of which I am very proud. Their method of delivery has never been important. What I did feel was important was to not overmedicate any of them and cause them to start off drugged. What is put into a mother's body goes to her child and should not be ignored or minimalized. Protect your child and give it the best start you are able to give it. Everyone has to decide what is best for them and their child. I agree with others, however, that vaccination should not be optional except for medical reasons as the lack can cause a fatal consequence to others.
1
I have 2 children, both born via C-section. There were good medical reasons for both of them. The only difference I saw afterwards was that I hurt in a different spot than those who had their children vaginally. It also helps that I don't usually care what anyone thinks about my life choices. I'm all grown up and able to make my own decisions.
18
As a Labor & Delivery Nurse I’ve always hated the term “natural birth.” I’ve seen countless women making their entry into our department with the proclamation “I want a natural birth,” as though it’s a badge of honor. What they mean is that they don’t want pain meds or an epidural. I try and support them as best I can but, in the end, they usually relent because childbirth is extremely painful. There is nothing “unnatural” about giving birth with or without pain relief. In fact, the whole concept is flawed and born out of ignorance as far as I’m concerned.
36
@Judith When I gave birth pain relief was not offered for child birth in the Netherlands except for exceptional cases. So there we sat, women who had given birth, with our babies on our lap, in the doctors office, shamefacedly admitting to each other " it seems that I have an unusually low pain threshold". It still makes me angry to think of the way we were made to suffer, and the way we were made to feel shame thinking back to how we had screamed and yelled in pain.
1
Big fan of doing away with the term "natural birth", with all its positive (and, conversely, flip-side negative) connotations.
First baby was a "natural birth" until over 24 hours of indescribable, dehumanizing pain- I literally was not a human and couldn't remember my name or even that I'd ever had a name- brought an epidural to the table. Turns out the baby was trying to come out elbow-first, who knew? Second birth was an emergency c-section, without which both I and the baby would've died, probably about ten minutes after arriving at the hospital. Third birth, in four weeks, will be a scheduled c-section due to complications from the second birth. So, yeah, I'm pretty skeptical of the concept of "natural birth" being inherently positive.
A little odd, though, that at the end of an article making an excellent case for doing away with/reframing the "natural birth" concept the author chose to end with equating a doctor-endorsed "good pelvis" with a "natural birth". Guess what? I've got a good pelvis, too. The last three sentences of this article sound pretty much like a self-administered pat on the back from and to the author for pulling off a "natural birth".
28
That was exactlymy reaction to “good pelvis” !
3
The fallacy is equating a natural birth with a good birth. They are not the same thing. „Natural“ is - in and of itself - nothing more than a neutral descriptive term. On the other hand, there’s no way to view „good“ as anything other than a judgment.
@Heather I experienced that dehumanizing pain too. It changes you profoundly. It took a long time to get over it.
1
No. A "good birth" is not a comparable substitute for "natural birth". In a "good birth", you get a baby at the end of it. That's the terminology that gynaecologists and obstetricians have been using to push medical intervention. In Western society, birth is one of two things: it's a physiological event, or it's a medical event. Those are the two sides of the coin: not "good" or "bad". You are not going to remove a competitive spirit through that vocabulary. Perhaps delving deeper into why a competitive spirit exists at all and how we can talk about that would be more worthwhile.
10
@Jeff Freeman
Depending on how you treated an horribly complicated birth can feel "good" and empowering and a perfectly straightforward vaginal delivery can be horribly traumatic.
Janet O'Hare, LCSW
1
While I abhor the idea of shaming women for having c-sections, the US is notorious for their overly high rate of c-sections. Those interventions that are presented as medical emergencies but in reality are not is a major problem with our maternal care system. It almost happened to me with my slow birth - the (male) doctor had been on a long shift and attempted to rush me. Happens all the time here.
13
Empowerment means being able to make, and be proud of, decisions that work for you, irrespective of what others think.
If you don’t want to feel shame, then don’t. I never understood why women shame each other about this, but I equally don’t understand why women feel shame about their birth decisions just because others say they should. How is birth any different from any other health situation? No one shames you when you have open vs. laparoscopic surgery, or when “natural” hips or knees need to be replaced.
I suspect women who shame others about their birth plans are actually the ones who are disempowered and are desperately trying to regain control by making others feel terrible. In my experience, the more someone does this, the less control they seem to have over their lives in general. I actually feel bad for women who feel the need to crow about their own “natural” births by belittling others’. I’ve thankfully only encountered women trying to shame me a few times, but invariably all of them were either grappling with family woes, were terribly unhappy at work, or were under financial duress.
I have no compunction about the fact that I chose to have a scheduled c-section. Not only did I not want to deal with the pain of labor, but I also wanted certainty and clarity. It worked for me, I never experienced any of the challenging side effects of vaginal birth and my happy, healthy daughter is now at an Ivy League university. As they say, ain’t no shame in that!
14
Many old and wrong usages have to be corrected. It's wrong, for example, or maybe even misandrist, to say a man-made disaster. We don't say a woman-made disaster. It should be a person-made disaster, or somebody-made disaster. Reality should be defined properly.
1
How is “good birth” any better than “natural birth”? Why can’t we just use the medical terms to describe our births. Pretty much two ways babies come out, vaginal birth or c-section, I don’t find it very difficult to talk about births using the correct terminology. If you want to elaborate on this experience one could say “I had an unmedicated vaginal birth” vs I had a “natural birth”.
Personally I don’t agree with using the term “natural birth” because to me they’re all natural but the Times really just dug a little too deep for this article. Just say we’ll be using the correct terminology to describe birth.
2
The word “Natural" is meant to refer to the process as mother nature meant it. Not as opposed to un-natural. I suggest you pursue less semantic paranoia and more info and fact. Thanks.
5
@Serena - except if you delve into the history of the term "natural birth" as this article does it was very much in the pursuit of a non-fact/non-evidence based practice, which is why it's best to avoid the term now. And you seem to not be all that reliant on "info and facts" if you're referring to anything as how "mother nature meant it." Finally, being conscious of how particular language may be harmful to certain individuals is not paranoia, it's simply society becoming more inclusive. This obviously applies to language in the race, gender, etc. contexts and there is no reason for the same logic not to apply when discussing child birth.
How about encouraging people to not have kids in this overpopulated world.
8
Sadly, in an attempt to soothe and affirm the feelings of all mothers, this article misses the opportunities to report and inform on the issues with birth in the American medical system which leads to significantly worse outcomes than anywhere else in the developed world. (This was just covered on the front page of the Times days ago.) The natural childbirth movement is not just the product of Dick-Read’s fantasies, but is a women-led political/public health reaction to the male-dominated system which does not serve women well. Outcomes in the natural childbirth movement, as documented by Gaskin and others and borne out by the use of midwives in the UK, are significantly better than outcomes in American hospitals. To critique the term “natural childbirth” without acknowledging this context is to miss the point completely — I would have expected better from the pages of the Times. It’s a missed opportunity to start out the parenting column well.
The article ends with the author embracing the phrase “good pelvis” as told to her by her doctor. “Good” has even stronger implications than “natural,” leading readers to understand that people who cannot deliver big babies vaginally have “bad” pelvises. I don’t mean to rain on the author’s parade and by all means she should celebrate her birth and her pelvis. But recognize this is no different than women celebrating their “natural” childbirths.
25
Thank you for this comment. I’m a British woman who gave birth in the US and, to this day, I still feel angry at how “overly medical” everything was compared to what my friends and family experience in the UK. I don’t for a minute think women should not have the choice of having an epidural, but I would have liked other choices too. Gas and air, birthing pools, well qualified midwives etc are all standard in the UK. Why can’t we have these choices in the US too? Why can’t American women have regular home visits after birth to check on their recovery? Many women in the US don’t have a check up until six weeks after birth (two weeks if it’s a c-section like I had because err, apparently my pelvis was too small...).
5
I would love to see those 'natural birth' advocates ride their next serious bacterial intention drug free. And, of course, no need to go to the doctor. Your neighbor is perfectly capable of diagnosing and treating the infection with herbs and stuff. Just give it some rest. It's going to be okay... Good luck!
11
@Paul Necsiv I think you're confusing the pursuit of intervention-free birth (when possible) with a tendency not to believe in modern medicine. I had two drug-free, intervention free births, but I was saved from bleeding to death after my first.
5
With all due respect, the Times should focus on what it does best - reporting the news - rather than dilute itself trying to be the source of information about everything. It cannot achieve excellence in everything.
7
The author's last paragraph about her "good pelvis" that allowed her to have a vaginal birth undermines her concern about shaming women who have had C-sections about their "defective" bodies.
35
@albs Glad I wasn't the only one to notice that!
6
My own mom put it best during both of my pregnancies: "the only thing 'unnatural' about childbirth is if it comes out of your ear."
19
The world has too many people. Fewer people would do a lot of good. Children are overrated and very expensive. The divorce rate almost guarantees mental health issues for children of broken homes, not to mention Alcoholism and drug addiction. As older parents know, children in the same family are different and have different experiences that effect the family as a whole. I do know a few families where the children appear to be very successful. I wonder how they do it? One thing they have in common is a stable home with committed parents and a lot of money.
4
@Peter Z Wow, what a bleak view of the world. I had a fairly happy childhood with 4 siblings and now have two kids of my own. I like to think our kids felt loved by my husband and me. And, the term "successful" is relative, but I think the fact that my kids are self-directed and can support themselves in adulthood and create good relationships is a definition I'll use.
1
As a former homebirth midwife assistant and a home and hospital doula, I have been to many different kinds of births. As a current professor of writing at a national institution (ah, life changes) I am so glad to see the language around birth addressed front and center in this article. Language matters, and as women and babies are natural beings, all births are natural births.
However, I'm equally concerned about the use of the term "good birth." The opposite of a good birth is, of course, a "bad birth." So what constitutes one of those, then? If we use good and bad, are those not also judgemental terms?
This may seem like semantics or splitting hairs, but this article is all about the language of birth and how it makes women feel. How do we get away from good/bad, natural/unnatural, and just let women have babies as it happens?
16
@Alison i hear what you're saying, but i do think there are clearly times when a birth cannot be described as anything but "bad" i.e. dead mother or baby/ psychologically damaged mother/horrific (avoidable) birth injuries.
1
How about encouraging people to NOT have children, given the rampaging environmental destruction of human overpopulation?!
7
Our birth class gal had a pretty good take on childbirth prep and the various things they tell you to try.
I can’t tell you that if you do this that or the other, you won’t have pain. I can tell you that if you are freaking out, it will be worse.
4
@Di I also think some people simply have more nerve endings or more sensitivity. I think it would be helpful for women to think about how they've faced physically painful events, if any, in the past and how they think the birth will affect them in this way.
1
Why not just use precise terms, like vaginal birth? Are women supposed to be ashamed of having vaginas?
Why not just say "induced labor," "epidural," "unmedicated birth"?
"Good" is imprecise, too--and a judgment, no?
Just say what you mean. I think we are able to handle the word "vagina."
56
I was recently telling a young woman my three birth stories from the 70s. So many things that were done to me in the pursuit of a natural birth are not done now. Lots of things have have changed since then. I am always interested in listening to my daughter tell new strategies she has, as a doula in Brooklyn, to enable people to have the birth they planned and hoped for. I have pre-ordered my copy of YOUR BIRTH PLAN by Megan Davidson Phd. I read much of it while she was writing it but it will be exciting to see it in print. Wish I had known of doulas 40 years ago !
3
It is fascinating how things have evolved. When my Grandmother was pregnant in the 40s, she was instructed by Doctors to smoke so she’d have a smaller baby (and by extension an easier birth). When my mom gave birth to my brother in the early 60s she was virtually knocked out for the delivery, her breasts were bound to stop her from lactating, and the baby was given formula, which was billed as superior to breast milk at that time. I a, incredibly grateful women have more information and choices today.
2
As a CNM I can say there is no shame in medical intervention when needed. Women should not feel diminished by method of delivery. But I think women often feel that somehow they did something wrong after giving birth and this feeling can be pervasive regardless of delivery method. Childbirth is an incredibly vulnerable process and mothers are at the mercy of those around them. If medical staff are not respectful, if they don't keep the mom in the information loop, if they scoff at her birth plan, she is diminished no matter how her baby is born. The natural childbirth movement was never intended to shame women for their birth choices. It was to enable them to stand up for themselves as adults capable of making informed decisions.
As midwives, we want mothers to have good information, to understand their choices, and to be respected and kept informed when things don't go according to plan. We also want them to trust themselves, not to feel like little girls being bossed around. When women are treated as rational adults they have better outcomes, both physically and emotionally. And, thus, feel more competent as mothers.
15
I’ve given birth 4 times.
1st with epidural and other 3 “non medicated”.
(Not exactly I was given IV antibiotics for strep B, but I mean no pain relief meds) I always had an IV put in anyways and do all the blood work necessary in case I want that epidural, there is no trophy given at the end for suffering.
It is just that for me it was the most amazing intense, spiritual, other worldly experience.
I did have a doula to lean on, that helped.
Also conceptualizing that the pain is not an indication of distress, rather to help bring my baby into this world.
Here in Switzerland it is common for midwives to deliver babies in hospitals and birthing centers. Sometimes the dr would poke his head in the room, seeing everything in control he would wish me well and leave.
Was it painful? Unbelievably painful. If you are prepared to work with your body, birthing, breathing through the pain go for it’s the most incredible empowering experience I cannot put into words. But no one is giving out prizes for suffering and I completely understand why women would choose it. Every birth is it’s own unique event, not to be compared and dissected. Pain relief or not, I say well done!
17
I love this idea. I think it is the best of both worlds to have a certified Midwife/Doula help you through childbirth in a hospital setting. Best of both worlds. Your birth experience sounds amazing!
1
I just read your article on epidurals, it did not mention what drugs are actually used in this procedure. My daughter gave birth last month, had an epidural and we noticed that they were using Fentynal! Have to say, I was a bit shocked, but quickly reassured by nurse that this was the norm. Have there been studies done about followup pain management with opioids following a birth using Fentynal epidurals? Asking, as I know personally of a family member who gave birth over ten years ago, by c-section, who was given opioids for pain relief following her birth with an epidural, who subsequently became addicted. I myself had two c-sections over thirty years ago, got sent home with Ibuprofen, it worked. Could someone who has a predisposition to addiction be "triggered" to become addicted to opioids following the beautiful experience of giving birth?
More studies need to be done regarding this issue of using these kinds of medications.
6
@BP
I wouldn't worry about addiction problems from a single regional infusion of Fentynal, such as an epidural. A bigger risk is moms who get c-sections and get sent home with a bottle of oxycodone and little support for dealing with a new baby and their own recovery.
FWIW, I got a single IV injection of Fentynal during labor. I chose that over dilaudid, because it is much shorter acting and doesn't result in the loopy/high feeling.
5
There is zero risk of addiction from a one time use of an opiate for anesthesia. Opiates are commonly used all the time as one of a number of drugs for anesthesia for minor surgery. Physiciological tolerance to and dependence on opiates is a process over time. Addiction is a psycological condition. If you are interested in learning more there is abundant literature available.
7
@BP It's easy to conflate a short acting opioid introduced into the epidural space with long acting oral opioids given post operatively, but the reality is that unless a patient experienced a "high" from her epidural medication (unlikely, as the entire purpose is localized anesthesia), it is unlikely to trigger craving for more. Perhaps our anesthesiologists can comment as well.
7
I think asking a medical doctor about whether to use the term natural childbirth is quite tone deaf. Natural childbirth arose to combat the increasing tendency of medical professionals to treat pregnancy as unnatural, as a sickness to be treated.
At the same time, I think it’s good to address the excesses of the natural childbirth movement. Mothers don’t need more judgment. However to lay this solely on the natural childbirth movement is disingenuous. Why no mention of obstetric violence, unnecessary c-sections, disrespect of mothers? When studies document such high numbers of women reporting their hospital experience as “traumatic” the medical community has something to answer for. The birth stories of those within my circle are horrifying. None fully understood evidence-based timeframes for different stages of labor (to avoid unnecessary inductions), the risks of epidurals (including c-section), or the evidence on episiotomies. Doctors did not share full information, pushed certain procedures and were often disrespectful of mothers choices.
Yes, the important thing is to have a healthy baby and I am truly grateful for lives saved with smart medical interventions. Yet that doesn’t mean the mother doesn’t matter. I’ve seen too many women shamed for expressing their desire for vaginal delivery by doctors too quick to move to c-section. Or have their birth plans snickered at by medical staff. More balance on this is needed. Equip women with knowledge.
29
@Elisabeth Thank you. I didn't enjoy the reduction of what 'natural childbirth' is really about. Equip women with knowledge and allow us to choose.
1
I am so tired of this obsession with terminology. Same with food: pure, natural, organic, etc....these terms are always being redefined because as humans, everything we do is in some sense natural, and in some senses not, because our way of adapting to our environments is by manipulating it in ways other animals do not and cannot.
There is a reason the Bible describes childbirth as punishment, because unlike for animals, it is painful for almost all women.
All societies have rituals and helpers surrounding birth for that reason, trying to make it less dangerous and painful than it "naturally" is.
We in the developed world have made it a lot less so, thank goodness. Let's be grateful for that, and continue discussing ways to improve on the process, without moralizing about it either way, i.e. "good" vs "bad" or "natural" vs "unnatural/artificial".
How about more or less painful/comfortable, more or less stressful, more or less dangerous for mother or child.
7
I was a huge believer of a "natural birth" and tried a VBAC for my 2nd birth. I read all the books, including Inga May Gaskin's book, believing I could manage the pain with preparation, midwife/doula, movement, bathing, etc. My real labor was nothing like what the "experts" on natural birthing described. It started with 2 nights of contractions (day 1 for 6 hours starting at 12 am, labor stalled, then day 2 for 6 hours starting again at 12 am, then labor stalled again). On day 3, my water broke at 11 PM and started 1.5 minutes of hard contractions every 1.5 minutes (so for every 3 minutes, half of it was a contraction). I also was vomiting and having to use the toilet constantly. Sitting on the toilet for hours, it was contraction, toilet, vomit, contraction, toilet, vomit. It was brutal, exhausting and excruciating. I have never felt more deceived and betrayed. The "experts" completely lied to me. This was not manageable. By hour 8 on day 3, I asked for pain relief. Finally, I was able to doze for a bit and rest. After 20 hours of labor on day 3, my son flipped, was now a footling breach with a prolapsed cord. BAM - emergency c-section. Overall, I spent over 30 hours in labor, suffered tremendously and unnecessarily trying for a "natural" birth, and had a c-section anyway. I didn't even see my son for 12 hours after birth because I was so exhausted. Thank you for refusing to use the whole "natural birth" construct. All births are natural (just like all twins are natural).
46
@Michigan Girl
Thank for talking about the issue of VBAC, which may work for some but definitely not for others.
I had an emergency c-section for my first because of my very narrow pelvis, and stressed over whether to have a VBAC or not for my second. I decided for the C- section. My doctor told me after the fact that she felt pushed to offer me the option of a VBAC, even though she felt it was unlikely to have worked for me, because so many women want a natural childbirth.
We put enough stress on ourselves in pregnancy and as parents--let's just celebrate our children in whatever form the come to us!
4
So you're saying-- we're going to ignore history, science, and power dynamics. As long as a woman feels in control, even if she's been lied to or coerced--which is common in American obstetrics--we're good. Sounds like touchy-feely white privilege Stockholm Syndrome.
5
Okay, but as a c-section mom (and born that way myself) I still hope that the Times will not be afraid to maintain vaginal birth as the goal, and to pressure the medical establishment against needless c-sections and the factors that contribute such as loss of medical expertise.
11
Good that you will allegedly not use unscientific terms that are used as moral and political cudgels against women. Hopefully you will take the same approach to the absurd claims about breast feeding, by far the most pernicious and unscientific of the mommy war cudgels. It should be noted that these wars are centered on middle-class and rich women, where in a perverse manifestation of their own oppression, such women viciously police each other, endlessly competing in pecking orders like courtiers. On the other hand working class women have the highest medicalized birth rates, including cesarians, as the medical industry treats them as mere chattel, the condition of the working class in society in general. Working women haven't the luxury to even consider breast feeding beyond their meager maternity leave as they must return to work. Yet middle class breast-feeding zealots seek to impose government sanctions for women unable to breast feed by cutting of food subsidies for expensive infant formula (WICK), refusing to allow free samples, and browbeating them about their lack of love for their children. Let's see how scientific this section will really be.
16
Vaginal birth is still OK, right?
As in "I sat in the birth center swimming pool as my partner (cis) stroked my neck while my 10,000 fans and followers watched me lose-it live, but drug-free, on Facebook."
Now, if I can just figure out the difference between equity vs. diversity, I'll be really OK. Just in time for Mother's Day!
6
@Tabitha Trillium here's a good explanation - "Equality (equity) is about ensuring everybody has an equal opportunity, and is not treated differently or discriminated against because of their characteristics. Diversity is about taking account of the differences between people and groups of people, and placing a positive value on those differences."
1
To me, a good birth is one that results in a live, healthy baby, as well as a healthy mother.
33
I am not qualified to mince the word "natural" but left out of this piece is the prevalent amnesia so common in our society. The history of modern medicine, dominated by men, until recently saw pregnancy as anything but "natural" and more akin to a disease. Read Barbara Ehrenreich's For Her Own Good: Two Centuries of the Experts' Advice to Women. Professional medical organizations like the AMA and the APA have a long history of "evidence-based" advice that when looked at with more scrutiny are based on economics, politics and sexism. Strong stuff, but that is the reality.
12
Once I asked my mother, who had many children, she had had “natural” childbirths. She looked at me with a glare and informed me that every birth is a natural birth. How else did you get a baby?
6
Let’s all try and grow up a little and stop with the extreme sensitivity. Nobody can make you feel shame except yourself. We should all try and read articles without thinking of ourselves as the subject matter. It isn’t always about “us” and the people who write the articles should stop enabling self-centeredness. Who cares whether the birth was “ natural” as long as you have a healthy baby. This is just plain silly
8
In my opinion it is ridiculous that NYT readers are so sensitive they would be offended by the words "natural birth". How did we get to this point? My two children were born by C-section. The objective of the birth is to go home with an undamaged child. No one should be diminished by the process, whatever form it takes.
28
From a new mother who has been ashamed and embarrassed about how my child was birthed.... thank you.
16
@W. LB. I'm sorry you had this experience and congratulations on the birth of your baby!
1
I'll be happy to eliminate the term "natural birth" from our cultural parlance.
After the birth of my first child, which was painful, long, and somewhat complicated (this probably describes 90% of births), my obstetrician, in performing her post-birth check-up on me, cheerily said, "And you had a natural birth, right?" I said yes without thinking, because it all seemed natural to me -- the pain of labor, the women helping me, the bodily fluids, the fear, and finally -- the healthy baby.
But as I uttered that "yes," I was immediately filled with shame, because I knew, at least in NYC at that time, that "natural" meant epidural- and intervention-free. "Uh, no," I said, "actually, no. It was not natural, I ended up needing oxygen and getting an epidural."
I still remember that moment so clearly. I had experienced the most "natural" of events, only to have to classify it as "unnatural," and, on top of that, to feel I had somehow fallen short because of it.
I love the idea of a "good birth" and hope we all shift to that framework instead.
40
@Bubbles
In the olden days, the sixties, when I had two babies, I had continuous caudal anesthesia - I was awake but without severe pain. My babies were healthy and I felt great. I do not understand choosing to suffer when the pain can be alleviated, but each of us can make her own choice and not criticize others for theirs.
8
Last I checked, all birth is "natural." Okay, not stars. I have given birth though have helped on two in "the field."
I suspect that giving birth - like most human activities - is best done with as little intervention as possible, but… If, - sadly so often when - the health of the mother and/or child is endangered all reasonable efforts should be made. When forced to that horrible choice between the two, I urge for mother. There likely will be another time to be pregnant.
I don't remember where I got this data, but up until about WWII the leading cause of death in women between the ages of 16 - 35 was childbirth.
Please, there is no fashion in a woman's health thus whatever works best is best.
2
@Robert
Obviously, I have not "given birth." Scary the impact of one little word.
1
When my children were born, back in the 1980’s, the natural birth movement provided more control over what the experience of bringing a child into the world would be like. Our doctor preferred an assembly line approach where everything was sped up with epidurals, inducements etc, but we stood our ground and the result was a wonderful experience for us, and no one else was shamed by whatever choices or realities we made. It was personal. The argument against the term “natural birth” given in this article is only a matter of semantics, and the discussion of shaming is kind of silly and pointless. Parents today have more choices and safety measures than ever before and personal choice is always a good thing. Meanwhile I will continue to use the term “natural birth” in the same way I always have.
20
Let’s not firget that giving birth is a natural process, so there should be nothing wrong with calling it that.
I had my two children in the 70s without medication after attending “natural childbirth” classes. I am not a particularly brave person, nor do I have an unusually high pain threshold, yet I was able to use the techniques we learned to accomplish the wonderful, difficult, and yes, painful, job of giving birth.
Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to give birth without painkillers or a C-section, but I would urge couples who are expecting a baby to take classes like I did, regardless of the choices they eventually make. They helped me know exactly what to expect and made me feel competent and in charge.
16
I find it surprising that there is no mention of Lamaze in your brief history of childbirth in the article. It played a major role in empowering women and their partners.
10
@BA
Fernand Lamaze (1891–1957) was a French obstetrician, most famous as the popularizer of psychoprophylaxis, a method of childbirth preparation and pain management that has come to bear his name (the Lamaze technique).
Lamaze visited the Soviet Union in 1951. There he observed a birth using psychoprophylaxis, which had been developed primarily by Soviet psychotherapist I.Z. Velvovskii of Kharkov, Ukraine.
I had my two daughters in Paris, France, (1959, 1961) by the method known as childbirth without pain; my obstetrician was Dr. Philippe Vellay, who learned the technique from Dr. Lamaze and was a very caring doctor. The woman who taught me the technique did a wonderful job, for I felt almost no pain (contractions in the parlance then) either time, with no drugs. Reading all these comments, I think I must be one of the lucky few to have had such easy deliveries.
1
I am relieved to see the NYT decide not to use the term "natural birth."
I am a parent to one adopted child and one biological child. I was equally relieved when the term "natural parent" was replaced by "birth parent" or "biological parent." My adopted child is my child, and there is nothing unnatural about either of us or our relationship.
My biological child was born by Caesarean section. If I had sought a "natural" birth, both of us would probably be dead; certainly my child would have died. My priority for the birth was to have a healthy child, whatever that took. Having a Caesarean was not a failure; a "natural" birth would have been.
There are many choices to be made in the process of becoming a parent. Choices that produce a healthy family should be viewed as equally successful. Those who want to co-opt the word "natural" in order to pat themselves on the back and inflict guilt on others should not be allowed to do so. Kudos to the NYT for their role in trying to keep this from happening and prevent any trend in this direction from continuing.
24
The opposite of natural is not unnatural. It’s artificial. Adoption is firstly a legal term for a set of rights and duties that a child and parent are given if and when their biological connection is officially recognized (I.e. legitimate). Such legal circumstances are, in other words, based on biology (not exclusively, but that is the basis of it). Adoption creates a fictional relationship (not based on any biological facts), which is given the same rights and duties as one that has arisen „naturally“ (I.e. without intervention by human institutions).
Now, the emotional and day-to-day aspect is a completely different thing and the relationship one has with an adopted child need not be influenced by how the relationship was created. But semantically speaking, it is artificial.
A “good birth” is one where mother and baby survive.
My children are now young adults but it is astonishing all of the “tribes” in parenting. What would happen to our world if we supported one another in all aspects instead of de-evolving into tribalism?
32
This article represents a truly welcome change. It takes a principled stand against the shaming of some women based on misinformation, lack of historical perspective, and fanaticism in the service of an ideology which is actually anti-feminist.
Having said that, I was disappointed in the last section. The author negates her argument by, perhaps unconsciously, buying into the myth of "natural is always best." Her doctor's use of the term "good pelvis" is repulsive and she doesn't seem to have understood the irony of her relief at the medical establishment's endorsement of her body, which was capable of "natural" childbirth.
14
Giving birth has nothing to do with parenting, which is the most important activity anyone can take on. Hopefully, this new column will help those who give birth, chose be responsible parents and provide a stable 2 parent home for the sake of the child and the future of the country.
5
I'm happy to see the NYT taking a stand on this and developing a section about parenting and birthing. As a doula, I do want to point out that while the writer is well intentioned, it is important to know that the phrase "C-Section" is something that can make the birthing person feel lesser than. Instead, consider the phrase "cesarian birth", in contrast to "vaginal birth". It does not suggest the type of birth to be lesser, just different.
8
Thirty years ago, I volunteered for the Cesarean Birth Association, a support group for mothers who delivered by Cesarean Section. Even back the, we took offense at the "natural birth" misnomer. Cesarean birth is just an alternate form of childbirth and there is nothing unnatural about it. Funny how that issue is still around.
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@george
It's "Caesarean".
1
As a professor of medical anthropology who is writing a book on the social construction of obstetrics, I take issue with your avoidance of ‘natural birth.’ You will not be able to write meaningfully about a contemporary childbirth if you avoid this term. It means something important, and has huge significance worldwide. I encourage you to learn more about natural birth, rather than moralize about it. It exists as a social movement precisely because obstetrics does not have all the answers and creates its own sets of problems, problems that a good journalist should be interested in exploring. We will all be better served by your column if you become open to exploring how obstetrics as a field has normalized medicalized highly-interventionist birth care. You could start by interviewing natural birth practitioners or attending their conferences.
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@Salone
1. Do you consider births that involved epidurals and/or other pain management, oxygen support, forceps, episiotomy, etc to be natural as long as they were also vaginal?
2. The increase in interventions you reference coincided with a decrease in maternal and child mortality. To me, that makes medicalization a positive thing and something that ought to be normalized.
3. Few people are more devoted to dogma and moralizing than natural birth activists. I'm all for choice - take whatever risks you want with yourself and your baby during the birth process - but this group is unswayed by the data and unwilling to own the outcomes.
4. A very simple fix to the concern that doctors push women into interventions would be to relieve ob's from liability for complications/poor outcomes that result from declining recommended interventions. Right now, birthing mothers have it both ways - they can decline evidence-based interventions and often still successfully sue the ob's for complications, based on the theory that they couldn't have been reasonably expected to understand the ramifications of the choice they made. Are women smart, empowered, capable adults or are they children that can't make decisions for themselves? Natural birth advocates need to make up their minds. I say women are adults. Therefore, let the birthing mothers have the choice but require that they also bear the responsibility of that choice.
18
@Salone Yes, this exactly.
@SD Wow. Birthing mothers can have it both ways. As if women get pregnant so that they can sue for complications.
not using the term "natural birth" is a way of making sure people are not offended for making a personal choice. while it's terrific america has so many different skin colors, it's clear they are incredibly thin at the same time.
6
Just want to say, people won't die if they feel sad about life events once in a while. There are situations where it makes sense to try to do something a certain way, and if not successful, a little sadness or regret is fine. It's the social media shaming, and the general mob mentality of American life, that needs to go away in all contexts. So funny that America talks about individualism, yet we don't accept the individual.
16
We Americans are the most spoiled and self-indulgent society that ever walked the earth. We create these problems for ourselves. No one would have an issue with being shamed about how she gave birth if other--let's face it, progressive––people hadn't decided that having a "natural" birth was better in the first place. So now we're shamed if we don't breastfeed; if we don't feed our kids completely clean, organic food; and on and on. We can blame repressed Republicans all we want for keeping women down, but honestly, I feel like most of the shaming comes from those who are supposed to be the most enlightened.
26
I object to this decision. "Natural birth" is a movement that encourages women to value the experience of birth - what it feels like, how photogenic it is, how "good" it is on some continuum of naturalness - more than the safety of the mother or the child. Natural birth advocates have an agenda; they usually dislike the medical industry due to some past experience of theirs, or a general skepticism of science.
They're in the same category as the anti-GMO and anti-vaccination movements: they're dishonest at best, and dangerous at worst.
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@Patrick
So easy to be dismissive of women! Those silly, stupid uninformed creatures. This is how the natural childbirth movement came about--women being sick of being treated like farm animals.
7
@Patrick This really makes sense. Why do we call it natural birth in the first place? Because there is something in relation to it? So now we can elevate one thing over the other? It's become somewhat political and tied to a movement that incorporates doulas, objects that promote relaxation and a whole industry waiting to make money off this approach.
I saw this first hand, I met a doula who told me to not vaccinate. Her anti-gov logic paired with a "natural birthing" mentality was very disturbing. To this day, I have very little regard for doulas because of the fact that she could be certified to assist with a birth. Be very careful where you get your information.
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@Patrick
After you've given birth, then you get to have an opinion. Until then, it just doesn't matter what you think.
1
This sounds like you are trying to be PC. Everyone has a pretty good idea of what natural childbirth is. It really means avoiding all the hocus pocus that the mostly male medical profession has placed on childbirth. The word shaming is being added to every possible word. If a mother requires a c-section, then she does. The US has an abysmal mortality rate for babies and mothers. The c-section rate is about 1/3 of all births when the WHO says it should be around 10%. Maybe we should be doctor shaming for leading women away from natural childbirth by making pregnancy and childbirth into a disease.
17
@S.L. Mostly male? That's not been my experience at 3 different large NYC area hospitals in the last 5 years. I don't think I met a single male doctor under the age of 50. In total, it was probably 75% women from the OBs, to the residents to the PAs.
2
@Louie Brennan- If the c-section rate in the US is around 33% it is obvious that doctors have made what is a normal event into a disease. It is not logical that so many women give birth that way. What you think was a respectful discussion was held under duress. The implication was that doing anything other than cutting your wife open to remove the baby was malpractice. I have heard other parents tell me the same story about respectful discussions but you were still being coerced. One in three babies by c-section is just too high because doctors are treating birth like an event which requires medical intervention.
2
@S.L. It's really not clear when the term "natural childbirth" can range from a nonmedicated at-home birth to an induced vaginal delivery with an epidural.
I’m so grateful for this recent necessary and important acknowledgment of these issues. However, the very last sentence erases the positive intentions of this endeavor. Why does the author, when choosing just two words (which is a rather silly exercise and a pandering to the hashtag phenomenon) pick the word “good”? Right there is a blatant example of the qualifying and judgmental nature of characterizing births. So, I must have to use #badpelvis for my two-word birth description since I did need c-sections due to my narrow pelvis. I hope the author considers this feedback.
15
Love that you are doing this!
1
There's a more recent report NVVS report on births for 2017. The C-section rate actually rose slightly that year from 2016.
"Vaginal birth" or "drug free" birth is also more accurate than "natural." Just easier to be clear what idea you're trying to convey.
Our kiddo was an emergency C-section. Oblique/transverse breech, cord around his neck, wife's water broke and they were worried about bleeding out. Not what we wanted. Definitely contributed to her developing post-partum depression b/c she felt such loss of automany in caring for the baby after the C-section.
But the mom's groups she went to were of no help. They'd talk like they were giving dispensation for her to have had an emergency C-section (like "oh it's fine when it's REALLY necessary"). No one asked you. No one needs your opinion. Stuff it.
So yeah, we hated our "unnatural" emergency C-section. Hated everything about it except the part where no one died and everyone's healthy and happy now
(And to the people inevitably reading this thinking "I bet it wasn't really necessary" or "a good midwife could have blah blah blah" just...no. Be quiet. You're awful).
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@Kevin
So happy your baby was safely delivered, and your wife as well. What a scary situation! I'm sorry your wife didn't find more help from a mom's group -- mine made all the difference. Maybe try elsewhere? One good listener is really all you need.
I knew from the start I'd need a C-section, due to various factors, so I didn't feel bad about that; but the ensuing failure at breastfeeding caused me huge and, in hindsight, totally unnecessary misery.
6
@Kevin
I am so sorry for your families experience with your birth experience. As a labor nurse I am appalled that the clinicians "caring" for you did not effectively help you and your partner identify and process feelings about the trauma you experienced. I'm very happy that you had healthy outcomes but also understand that the emotional toll of the feelings accompanying a traumatic birth experience linger for a long time (sometimes forever). In your partner's case it contributed to PP depression. All the best to you and thank you for enlightening the readers about your experience.
3
@Kevin Maybe it's where I live, but I don't know a soul who would judge anyone for a C-section or a vaginal birth without medication. I do remember years ago feeling judged at a La Leche League meeting because I was going to keep breastfeeding when I returned to work. One person made a disparaging remark about moms working outside the home. I didn't attend any subsequent meetings and I just dealt with things the best I could.
2
Please also avoid the phrase "full-time mother." All mothers are mothers full time.
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@Anne
How can a mother be a full-time mother if she is working 40 or more hours a week at a job in the workplace?
4
@Bob How can a father?
9
@Bob because even at work a mother is receiving texts from caregivers, arranging medical appointments, and managing other feats of mental juggling all while and oh, I don't know, earning money to feed, clothe, educate, and support her children. If that's not also being a full time mother I don't know what is.
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Americans have got to stop looking for reasons to be victims. We're giving those "PC" negativists credibility. I can say I had natural childbirth, whatever that means to me. If that makes you feel "shame" because you didn't, you need to work on that. Stop defining what's good, or not, in your life by what other people may think. Or what you assume they think.
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@Donna The issue is in precision of language when discussing specifics about birth and about judging other women's experiences.
I bought into the whole "natural birth"/"warrior woman" trope that was supposed to be superior to getting painkillers. Fortunately, a friend who attended my baby shower took me aside as she was departing and whispered, "Get the Pitocin. Trust me on this. Screw the warrior woman thing." Thank goodness--because my first labor was under 2.5 hours from first contraction to baby being born. No shame in going along with my ob/gyn team's decision to induce (I was a week late) or my decision to get Pitocin.
It's not about being PC. It's about honoring our choices.
6
I hope that future columns will acknowledge birthing and parenting in the trans community. Not all people who give birth identify as women and they are highly likely to be subjected to misunderstanding at best and ridicule and discrimination at worst.
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@GH Transmen are a distinct minority deserving of recognition and respect. However, consider viewing it as subjective sex vs. objective sex. The objective sex, females, give birth, even if subjectively appear otherwise. Thus, the cognitive dissonance many may encounter. Being female is not merely a badge or label. It carries rights and entitlements and the ability to give birth, among other things.
1
Using the NYTs trusted brand as a paper of record to protect women is great. Too many charlatans out there and far too much judgement on women in the space. Well done.
3
We need to abolish all words that incorrectly describe reality and could shame or offend people. Why to call people black when most of them have different shades of brown? It also carry some undesired suggestive meanings. It would be great if could correct wrong usages and become a healthier society.
1
But the “natural birth” movement that once empowered women during delivery has now created a culture in which some women feel shame at not having a “natural birth” — as if their bodies are somehow defective. Furthermore, focusing on the method of birth can exclude and diminish the experiences of adoptive parents and parents who use surrogates or other kinds of assisted reproductive technologies.
I was under the impression that this series was going to focus on the science of good parenting, but opening with political correctness does not portent well.
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I am excited to read the NYT's take on parenting, as as a parent of young children I already eagerly consume the articles on this subject. But I confess something in me tightened when I read this article, because I am the parent of a child with Down syndrome and it is often the case that we are left out of discussions of this kind, targeting as they do the kinds of audiences who would imagine a child with Down syndrome to be a huge misfortune. I scanned the list of topics covered in this series for something on disability in a child but did not find it.
Please cover our experience, too, and in a thoughtful and positive light. Which is not to say that there aren't big challenges to parenting kids with significant disabilities, but I am part of a group of NYC parents of kids with Down syndrome and I know our members would say that our kids have brought us immense joy and unimagined growth. This is an important story to tell in this age of great interest and anxiety around children and child-rearing. Thank you.
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@Rachel I had this same reaction. I am the parent of a 29 year old son who has an intellectual disability. He happens to be adopted. I don't see either topic on the list and both should be covered. @NYTParenting how about an #inclusionrevolution for all parents?
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@Nancy Newell Yes! @NYTParenting, take note! And I will tell my wonderful birth story of my son with Down syndrome, and include the hashtag.
5
Words matter, but I don’t think removing that term would do enough. We need to focus on the fact that there is no one thing that guarantees success in child rearing, nor any one thing that creates failure. We all engage in magical thinking... if I obsess about organic baby food and put all my efforts there, the heavens will reward me... that kind of thing.
As for me, I never felt a moment of anything but gratitude for my c-section and all who were involved in it, since neither I nor my son died during the process.
I question whether your delicacy with words is encouraging the opposite of your intended goal.
15
The brief history you limn of the "natural childbirth" movement leaves out perhaps the critical driver of using drug-free methods to manage labor and childbirth, the work of Dr. Ferdinand Lamaze. My wife and I were transfixed in 1970 (the movement was well underway then) by Marjorie Karmel's, "Thank you, Dr. Lamaze," an enlightening, sometimes hilarious book about the author's experiences with the pain-reducing techniques promoted by Lamaze.
My wife's 4 labors were drug free, the first in 1973. Classes in Lamaze were provided in every hospital we knew of, and the breathing and focusing techniques were widely praised and well accepted.
We've retreated in recent years, propelled by the inexorable and destructive influence of big pharma and some segments of the medical profession. The "shame" canard, which the Times has sadly deemed valid, is the go-to tack of the drug pushers pretending that any criticism of our overuse of sedatives and pain killers, not to mention the unconscionable spate of needless C-sections, will only humiliate vulnerable women.
So, change the language, sure. "Natural childbirth" is not precise. Most uses of that adjective are equally imprecise — natural law, natural hair, natural sunbathing, natural foods. Also, people shame women for just about everything associated with contraception and childbirth. Attack the shaming, not a longstanding proven set of methodologies for birthing a child without excessive and invasive procedures and medications.
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@Victor Thank you for bringing up the part the LaMaze method played in reducing the need for anesthesia. We were fortunate in discovering LaMaze classes with our first baby. In addition to learning about the birth process, we also learned breathing and relaxation techniques that made all the difference with a difficult first labor. The classes gave us the knowledge of what to expect , and how it was important to have a plan, but to realize that the plan might need to change. The daily practicing of the breathing and relaxation techniques with my husband,who was my labor coach,in the weeks before giving birth gave me confidence, and taught me to shift breathing patterns when contractions intensified. Having someone to coach you during labor and keep you focused is very important.
We used LaMaze with all three of our children, retaking the classes and doing the daily practicing before each birth.
The policies of the hospital and its staff are important for a good birth experience. Do some research beforehand. By far my best experience was in the cozy birthing room at a fully staffed hospital. Labor and delivery were in the same bed, assisted by a very supportive obstetrician and nurses, and where we spent several hours afterwards bonding as a family, including grandparents and our two year old sharing birthday cake the hospital provided.
3
My mom did Lamaze and had a so-called natural birth with my older brother. She had a c section with me and my twin because I was breach— oops! I will say that she taught me the breathing techniques to use while anxious or in pain as a child and they worked well, including before a major surgery. Breathing has been shown to regulate anxiety and the body’s pain and stress responses and there’s value to it even if it is not viable for most women as the only birthing method.
3
A comment from a man advocating childbirth without pain relief always makes me chuckle!
14
My obstetrician told me every birth is a natural birth and I believe her. She said there's no extra credit for unnecessary pain or risk - the goal at the end of the day is to hold your child, whatever it takes.
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@Jessica
This country has a vastly higher rate of Caesarian and other medical interventions, and also far worse birth outcomes, than other advanced nations. There’s no reason why Caesarian section would be “medically necessary” for 30 percent of births in one country and less than 10 percent in another.
15
@Rita Rousseau Except we don't have national healthcare and have every high rates of obesity. Both of these effects labor outcomes (e.g., lack of prenatal treatment results in conditions that result in c-sections, like preeclampsia). You aren't comparing apples to apples.
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@Rita Rousseau
Well, actually, there is. Women in the US giving birth tend to be older, and older mothers often need extra interventions. This is not their fault; there is nothing wrong with being an older mother, especially since our society unnecessarily structures things so most women cannot have a child earlier in life without forgoing a career, but it does tend to make for more c-sections.
Society-wide interventions for better work-life balance and more available/affordable childcare could also bring down the c-section rate by making it less *medically necessary* for more women since they won't feel societally forced to delay childbearing.
9
My first birth went "perfectly," a term I hesitate to use now, and I felt a wave of empowerment from it. Later, I realized how little control we actually have in pregnancy and birthing. After a healthy full-term pregnancy with my second child, and while in late labor, his heart rate dropped. I had an emergency c-section and woke up to find he had not survived. The cause of his death was out of my control: an undetected infection that had created an abscess in his umbilical cord.
In the two years since his death, I've grappled with many aspects of my son's pregnancy, birth, and death. I've come to understand that we frame pregnancy and parenting around a belief in our ability to control outcomes that doesn't exist. And I've also been dismayed and felt isolated by the inability of our culture to talk about and acknowledge grief and loss, particularly in regard to perinatal and infant loss. I hope the losses that many parents experience will be addressed in this new series.
I'm currently pregnant again and absolutely terrified. But talking about my fear, my grief, and even my hope with ones who understand has been imperative to getting through these long months.
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@Elizabeth I understand exactly how you feel because I lost my first child after a “perfect” pregnancy and “natural birth.” My daughter suffered from birth defects due to a cause science has just given me a name for this year. She would be 25 now. I learned, as you say, that the health of my child was not in my control—I know that about so much in life.
I have two grown children now who are the delight of my world. Like you, I lived terrified, practically holding my breath, through my next pregnancies. While I did not “enjoy” my next pregnancies, eventually I let go and leaned into a trust that life does go on and come through.
I pray with you for this coming, healthy child and in memory of your son in eternity. You’ll never forget him, and this I know, in the end the horrible pain in your heart and soul will subside and only the love will remain.
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@Elizabeth
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your story, since you hit the nail on the head - so much is out of our control and we don't help ourselves when we take those things personally.
22
@Elizabeth I've very sorry for your loss and wish you the best with this next pregnancy. If it helps, you've already had the one-in-a-million horrible outcome, which means the changes of something bad happening again is almost improbable. Best wishes to you and your growing family!
6
Is the NY Parenting section only about childbirth as this lead article seems to imply? I have adopted two girls and can guarantee that parenting is about more than childbirth. Seems like a narrow focus. And given the careful care given to avoid 'natural birth' -- well, one might want to give a wider berth to the definition of Parenting.
22
Yes, and even for biological mothers, as soon as the baby is out, and we have healed, we usually have new challenges, and the birth becomes less prominent in our minds.
@sandym. We will cover everything from fertility and pregnancy to the basics of baby-and-kid care and developmental milestones. We’ll also offer support for your life as a person and a parent, touching on topics including how to make mornings easier and how to not murder your spouse after baby (though you may sort of want to
Amen. We should certainly retire "natural birth" in favor of "good birth." I think we should also retire "failed trial of labor," "failed induction," "incompetent cervix," "placental insufficiency," "non-reassuring fetal heart rate tracing", and "fetal distress". Language is powerful, but so are fear and anxiety surrounding childbirth. Focus on the labor process rather than on the newborn outcome prioritizes pregnancy over motherhood, and is the wrong objective to dwell on.
11
We used “estimated date of confinement” when I was in medical school twenty years ago.
2
@D.M.
Yes! And we should also stop calling miscarriages "spontaneous abortions" or "abortive pregnancies." I was quite upset by that one until the doctor explained, and even after that was still upset (my miscarriages were of babies that I very much wanted, and I went through the miscarriages 100% on my own naturally and with zero medical assistance).
1
@cs yikes, that is horrible. I've had a number of miscarriages, and they've never been described in such cruel terms. I'm sorry you had to experience that - i often think some medical practitioners are so used to technical terminology that they don't think how words may affect their patients.
Thank you! As a pediatrician and new mom the phrase “natural birth” makes me cringe and wrongfully stigmatizes some births as unnatural while non-supervised or non-medicated births as natural and celebrated. While pregnant I was asked multiple times if I was having a natural birth and I always answered I was having a healthy birth and there was no such thing as a “natural” birth. Having a baby is one of the most dangerous things we do as women and I have no interest in going back to the Stone Age (and risking death of me and my baby) all to feed maternal narcissism of the term natural. Let’s celebrate all births as miracles, no matter what form they came in! Moms have enough things to feel unnecessary shame about, don’t add birth to the list. Thanks NYT
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@Alyssa F
Thank you for saying this, and thank you times 100 for being a physician saying this!
I had a terrible, painful, and medically mismanaged birth with my first child. We both survived, but I had injuries (that eventually healed) and had terrifying flash-backs for months afterward. I decided not to file suit (I'm an attorney), but I did make a formal complaint with the hospital.
When my (new) OB asked me about my "birth plan" for my second and third babies, I said, "I want to come out of the hospital alive with a live baby, I want to be monitored closely, and I want you to quickly do anything necessary to make that happen." I ended up not needing emergency intervention either time, but having an aggressive physician who kept his eye on the prize (survival) gave me a lot of comfort after what happened the first time.
7
I don't use natural birth terminology but my three sons with my presence were born in our bed at home. Now I don't know how one could get more' natural' with the exception of native women in africa as reported if true 'in the bush'.
1
Thank you for shedding light on the misogynist origins of the so-called natural childbirth movement. If men gave birth there would never be any question about the excruciating pain of childbirth. It’s also worth noting that the natural childbirth movement is littered with misinformation and puts mothers and their babies at risk by shaming many necessary and life saving interventions. Childbirth was the number one killer of women for our entire human history until “unnatural” obstetric care.
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@Kate I really believe the pain varies by person and pregnancy. For me, it was never as terrible as I had heard it could be. I also used both the Lamaze method (first child) and the Bradley method (second kid). The Bradley method's emphasis on stages of birth and how I would probably feel during each stage helped me tremendously.
@Kate
Well said!
It is deeply distressing, that in 2019, an article about the words “natural childbirth” does not quote one single midwife as a source of authority. If the NYTimes would like to offer information to folks considering pregnancy and parenting, they might consider not perpetuating the oppression of midwifery and instead recognize the profession for its knowledge base, research and practice. “Natural childbirth” can and should be defined; the term “physiologic birth” however, is the one you are looking for.
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@Midwife Barbara Reale
THANK YOU for pointing out that glaring & ominous omission from this NYTs upcoming series of articles. Does not bode well.
And there was also no mention of Dr. Sheila Kitzinger, either. Troubling.
6
Some issues I'd like to see addressed:
1) Is it actually ethical to bring a child into a world facing nuclear war, out of control climate disaster, emergent diseases, massive species/habitat loss, the end of antibiotics, and ever-burgeoning fascism, around the globe? Wouldn't it be better to adopt, especially given that the species has doubled since 1980?
2) Given all the problems in 1) above, shouldn't any reasonable, ethical parenting site/guide/whatnot concentrate parental minds on how to address, reverse, solve the problems noted in 1)? Without that, no child alive today or who will be born from now on will have much of a chance of enjoying middle age in anything like a decent organized society. So, maybe it's not really important whether Ashley codes at birth or Billy hears enough Mozart in the womb.
Ya know? What is bracketed out here, and why, and what does that tell you about the reigning ideology?
Would love to see all that addressed. As opposed to whether "natural birth" hurts anyone's fee-fees.
6
@Doug Tarnopol
1) Yes, it is still ethical to have children. The "end is near" crowd has been around since the beginning. If everyone in history followed your advice, there would be no people left in the world. And how else will these problems be solved unless intelligent people bring new minds into this world and nurture them?
2) A parenting site should focus on parenting. There is plenty of room on the internet to address all the problems you state.
10
Thank you for this. I had twins by c-section and one of the most viscerally unpleasant moments of new parenthood was when I attended a “support” group at which the leader contradicted me when I said I had needed a c-section with multiples (I meant, but didn’t say, that my ob-gyn had advised it because one of the babies was breech). The group leader told me that I should have elected “natural” childbirth instead. I left the meeting in tears, already overwhelmed with two infants and PPD. I really appreciate that the Times has chosen not to use this meaningless term which is useless other than to make women who don’t have a “natural” birth (however defined) feel less than.
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@Darlinclementine I just gave birth to twins. Twin A was born vaginally but 5 hours later, I needed a C-section for Twin B. Recovering for two types of births at once was not fun! In retrospect, I should have had a C-section for both.
8
@Darlinclementine Apparently your "support" group leader knows nothing about the chin locking problem with twin births. My first twin birth was a c-section for the same reason.
7
@Darlinclementine
please, please, please give the "group leader" or his/her manager feedback about this abysmal behavior. How does someone so judgmental become a support group leader?
7
Good idea. "Natural birth" until the last century, was one of the leading causes of death for young women.
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Ruby, it's called a 'playpen'. You can even buy collapsible ones that can be stored when not in use.
1
Kudos! I look forward to at least part of this parenting conversation focusing on the joys and complexities of parenting adult “children”.
4
Never did get the “natural” thing. Having a baby is not signing up for teams. Like lined up pregnant women getting assigned to the “natural” group vs. the “unnatural” group, or leagues of various childbirth methods.
Come on, women get pregnant, they stay that way for awhile, they give birth. Let’s stop differentiating the means of bringing that wonderful baby or babies into the world. It’s totally unnecessary. Please don’t ask a woman if their childbirth was “natural” or even refer to it.
Let’s just talk about the wonder and trials and tribulations of motherhood. Now that’s something up for discussion!
6
It never even occurred to me to be ashamed of getting a C-section. After a day of labor and my baby's heart rate dropping, it was clear she wasn't coming out without extra intervention, and I was grateful for it.
But so what?
If you're in a burning building and you grab your child and make it out the nearest window assisted by firefighters, and you both survive, is the outcome any different than charging through a flaming hallway and out the front door unassisted?
Who cares how the baby gets born as long as it's healthy? And who cares what someone else thinks about your method of delivery? That's just weird.
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@Leah yes, thank you. If your baby comes out healthy and the mother is safe why does it matter how?
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@Leah Exactly my thoughts! The goal is to have a healthy baby. I never understood all the hand-wringing over the rest of it.
5
@kas For many women- it does matter. Birth matters for both the baby AND the mom. Saying this completely disregards the mother's experience which is problematic. Mothers should feel supported, empowered in their choices (whatever those are). We see too many mothers traumatized in birth for exactly this sentiment.
3
Story is everything. The medical establishment (mostly men) perpetuated the story that experiencing the pain of childbirth better than a (mostly) painless childbirth—after all the myth of the curse of Eve undergirds this poppycock. Thanks to Queen Victoria, many more women now have choices in lessening/eliminating pain during labor. Vaginal birth seems best for a baby’s developing immune system, and Caesarian an option for many reasons that women don’t need to justify. Physical pain is exhausting, and of course, painful, and any women who opts for treatments to feel less of it—all power to her. And those who want to experience childbirth without epidural, pain meds, etc., all power to her. Women just need to stop adopting the judgements of others (sadly, often other women) about the choices they make. Any birth that delivers a healthy mother and child a success.
38
The author writes:
took one look at me and said, “Nah, you don’t need a C-section. You have a good pelvis, you can do this.” And I did. #GoodPelvis
You see this is the problem with creating an extraordinarily broad definition of shaming women because I think the concept of #GoodPelvis would make other women feel bad because they had to succumb to a C-section because they didn’t have a good pelvis.
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@Chuck Rizzo
My doctor told me I was "adequate" up to 7 lbs. I explained we had a history of big babies in our family. Like 11-lbs-big. He told me not to worry, that I wouldn't have a big baby. Well, the nearly 9-lb baby inside me begged to differ; and at one point I heard the nurse say "I don't know what we're going to do." Encouraging. They eventually did get her out, so I guess you could say I was #adequate. Barely.
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@Chuck Rizzo Agree, this is an invitation for body shaming unfortunately. (P.S. wide hips don't equal good pelvis, I learned this from my nurse-midwife; there's so much people don't know)
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Brava!!!!
I'm long past child bearing but was recently in the states for the birth of a grandchild. I was so disappointed to see how my daughter was shamed because she had to have a C-section or the baby would surely die and perhaps she would too. That seemed to be no excuse for some of the hospital staff nor the women she worked with in a doctor's group office either! Then she couldn't get her son to latch on after 3 days of trying and crying. That too was her failing apparently.
I couldn't believe it when I got into a taxi from the hospital to go prepare her homecoming and was excited to tell the driver about my new grandchild. That driver asked about the gender, the birth, did she intend to breast feed, was her husband renting a limo to bring them home? He concluded without ever meeting her that she had already failed at mothering.
Giving birth is a life changing, frightening, exciting, memorable experience. It is a shame that there are so many uninformed people who want to troll pregnant women and new mothers.
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@Susannah Allanic - The taxi driver thought she failed at mothering? I suspect you read a little too much into the interaction -most likely he was just making polite conversation. In reality, strangers are just not going to be excited about your new grandchild in the way you are.
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Thanks for your thoughtful decision to avoid the term “natural birth.” In November, the Times published a piece entitled, “Why the US Lags So Far Behind on Natural Childbirth.” The article was meant to refer to unmediated births, but I remember it used the word “natural” 10 times and included an anecdote which linked the unavailability of a birthing center to having to labor and give birth on a metal bed in a closet. It was misleading, agenda-driven fear-mongering. This new editorial policy is a welcome change.
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I appreciate the effort to challenge the “shame and blame”-inducing (excuse the pun) adjective “natural” used to describe a birth. We could do with the same for other terms like “premature ovarian failure” and “incompetent cervix” .
But I’m not sure that calling it a “good” birth is that much better. There’s inherent value and judgement in that term too. If one birth is “good”, is another “bad”, even if the outcome is an ultimately healthy mother and baby? As women, we’ve had a tendency to internalize and globalize those kinds of judgements. We could all do with less of that when it comes to our bodies and how they function.
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Why on earth would anyone feel shame because of how her baby was born? What a ridiculous notion. First of all, it's no one else's business what birth method was used. People think they have every right to ask the most personal questions of women regarding birth, and women need to shut down these intrusive questions from the get-go. The fact that you've given birth to your beautiful baby should be enough. Who cares how that comes about?
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Good in intent, but your loaded vocabulary (“interfering” and others) is offensive and unhelpful. You do know that each person interprets words such as these according to their own biases. You should know better if you really want to be a help not a hindrance in family relations.
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Where were you four years ago when I needed you most? ; )
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Thanks; this is an excellent and welcome decision. More than three decades ago, my wife and adopted three children (from Korea, in three different adoptions) and taught how-to-adopt classes to nearly 500 people over the next five or so years. One of the things we people in the adoption community talked a lot about was discouraging or "banning" the phrase "real mother" to describe the person we called the "birth mother." To us, few things were worse than someone asking an adopted kid, "Who is your real mother," or "What do you know about your real mother?" Your real mother is the person who raised you and took care of you, regardless of where you came from -- "naturally" or otherwise -- on the day of vaginal departure.
In terms of language, the problems with "natural" and "real" are less the words themselves than their perceived opposites: unnatural or artificial, and unreal or fake, false, etc. Things being "organic" now have the same problem. And then you get into all the mishigas about who gets to decide what is "natural," or "real" (see also "Reality TV), "organic," and what biases and agendas they may be bringing to the discussion.
Good decision, NYT.
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"Dick-Read believed that most women shouldn’t need anesthetics during birth because they’d be so ready for it that they wouldn’t feel pain. He even claimed to have had a patient who said, upon feeling contractions for the first time, “Isn’t it heavenly?”"
Having gone overdue with my second, and after months of lightening crotch and being unable to walk more than a block or two, yes, the idea that you will soon no longer be pregnant is pretty heavenly.
Otherwise, I had no drugs on either birth and contractions are awful.
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Everything about this article presents a positive and healthy way to discuss a woman's childbirth decisions... except the last line regarding Ms Grose's "good pelvis." It felt a tad braggy and out of sync with the author's thesis.
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