The title is misleading. This is an article about heterosexual gender dynamics. The women are stressed by (feel responsible for) clutter, the men aren’t and don’t.
A rich person with many bottles of alcohol has a bar. A poor person with one has a problem.
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The long list of links to study at the end of this article is itself anxiety inducing!
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I decided just to take photos of those items to which I feel a strong emotional attachment or memory but know I just can’t keep. I then offer them to family members (once, with a pick up deadline), then donate or discard them. When I look through my online albums of these photos organized in folders (grandma’s knick knacks), I can still smile & know the memories can be kept or shared easily without the clutter.
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What about the unfortunate conundrum when one wishes to be clutter-free but one's spouse is a packrat? Asking for a friend...
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Listening a home for sale, though extreme, is a terrific motivator as are visits from adult children. Health prevented the sale, but we’re in phase four with an end in sight, Happy both with what we kept, and the time to decide how to repurpose everything else. Little goes to landfill. Our offspring are ecstatic.
Start small. Rome was neither built nor burned in a day.
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This article opens the door to a serious discussion of HOARDING, which is what clutter turns into over time and which needs psychological counseling interventions...I cannot tell you how many single women (of all ages) I have encountered as a visiting nurse who I've had to call social services, family, etc. It is a sad and often dangerous situation.
I hope Dr Ferrari and others can continue this discussion because that's where so many (mostly) women end up...
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I was never the tidyest person around but things got really bad in the last few years.
I realized that I unconsciously used clutter as a protection. "House is a mess, can't let anybody in..." I managed to get out of a 14 years abusive relationship, so it also meant not letting anybody into my life. (unconsciously protecting myself).
The isolation since the pandemic has made things worse and I lost whatever social circle I had started to create.
I truly want to get this mess under control and stop procrastinating about it, but I'm somehow paralysed... and totally afraid of judgment if I were to meet people.
I'll probably need to get counselling as this feels like some weird case of PTSD...
So I survived ... now I wanna live 😉
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@Alive - thank you for being so brave to share...just know someone (me) is rooting for you - especially as you successfully got out to the other side...one step at a time and don't be too hard on your self...tiny steps...
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I have 30 Bankers Boxes of my mom’s stuff. She passed away in 2014. The stuff was in free(!) storage until December of last year and now it’s all stacked in my 820sqft 1BR Apt. I just haven’t had the heart to go through her stuff. I’m going to have to hire a de-clutterer to help me with this; it’s too overwhelming and my brother (my only sibling) lives on the West Coast, so he’s not available to help out. I feel for all of the folks that acquired their Parental Unit’s things! Good luck!!
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When I retired I began thinning my “collections.” One thing about aging, it undermines the excuse, “maybe I’ll need that someday.” For example, how many fly rods do I actually need? Let’s say eight. Sell the rest. What if I decide I need a new fly rod? Okay, but I am at my limit, and have to sell one to buy one. Hmm, do I really need eight. Sell two, buy one.
That plan has served me well even with relatively inexpensive items. If I can’t sell, I donate, and I keep working on the question, “How many do I need?” The number keeps dropping. I confess it is still almost impossible to part with jeans that are just one size smaller than what currently fit me. But, I have managed to limit myself to three pair.
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Like most social “science” studies I would take this with a large grain of salt. For one thing I wonder how they controlled for natural cortisol cycles? Also, whatever stress is caused by having stuff around is probably not caused by the intrinsic “badness” having stuff but by the fashionable and highly judgmental “decluttering” trend that’s developed over the last decade. It’s akin to anorexia in that it provides an illusion of control in a disintegrating world that even those of us living in relative prosperity cannot begin to control.
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I’ve always saved things but since I developed a bad back it’s gotten harder to deal with. My bills are all paid in full though. As soon as I get a bill I pay it off so I won’t forget to pay it and get a late fee. The problem is with shredding all of the paper and deciding which ones are important to file away.
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I'm a pianist, classic/church musician and music teacher. I used to love keeping my music in order and thereby knowing where to find it at a moments notice or need. Now that I am retired, I can't find anyone who wants my music. It will soon be time for me to place in recycling. Like books, I felt the music was so valuable.
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Consider donating to a library or music school.
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But PLEASE, ask them first if they can use it. I used to work in a public school library and community members thought nothing of dropping off loads of books that they couldn't bring themselves to dispose of. They thought they were doing a good deed. But they were just creating more work for us.
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“A person with an uncluttered, organized home will never know the joy of finding something thought irretrievably lost.”
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It is very hard to live with someone you love who is a hoarder/collector. It shapes your every second.
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@BayCol0ny It can be unbearable, especially in close quarters or in cases of mental impairment. However, throughout the years, I’ve found ways to take action and hope you can do likewise. I’m in phase four, little by little. A few things at a time meet with less resistance. Good luck. I wish for ways to rein in the buying part.
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I recently borrowed a good scanner and used it to scan personal mementos, papers from workshops and classes taught and taken, etc. It feels good to still have the things on a jump drive while recycling several boxes of papers. A few items were returned to the person who gave or sent me the cards or books etc in the past. I highly recommend this as a way to declutter a house of papers.
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I have begun doing this, too. In order to declutter my closets and drawers
I decided to donate an article of clothing I seldom wore before buying something new.
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For the enormously wealthy, such as William Randolph Hearst, hoarding becomes collecting. Wealth both enables and protects the hoarder from criticism and diagnosis.
Living in Tokyo in a hundred square foot apartment requires one to move items to function.
Thus, hoarding is as described, in the eyes of the beholder, but also in the physical possibilities of space and income.
So much of memory is held in objects. Americans seem to have an abundance of ephemeral stuff and little of real value. Folks think decluttering means exchanging inherited solid wooden furniture for IKEA pressed wood stuff that is not sustainable.
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After a while you don’t own the stuff, the stuff owns you.
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I think the biggest thing with people who live in cluttered homes is the inability to throw things out. It's either there is a memory tied to something, it has some perceived monetary value or will someday or they think they might need it again. Then again some people are just lazy and don't care.
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I wish I could get my dad to read this without him going into a rage and telling me to stay out of his business. The problem is that it will be my business and I lose sleep thinking about how I will deal with his boxes, rooms, garages of stuff. He’s nearly 76 and while not technically a hoarder, I don’t think, he saves everything. EVERYTHING. I will need to pay for dumpsters and services to get rid of it all.
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Sure sounds like a hoarder. Start now shopping around for a service that specializes in cleaning and dealing with a hoarded home/estate. I sure hope he’s leaving you money to deal with his hundreds of thousands of items. It’s so selfish and self centered to pretend what we do doesn’t affect others.
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I understand. I have dreams (nightmares) about my father and him falling and hurting himself in all his junk and he will not clean it up or let me do it at his direction. I don’t want to control him or his house, I want him to be safe and independent longer. He reacts with anger to any suggestion about things that frustrate him and they are many. I’ve begun to grieve for the man he was.
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I suggest offering to spend time doing this task together-reframed as going through memories. It is a huge task for a person contemplate in his 70s, as it is both physically and emotionally draining.
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On the surface, my 820 square foot condo looks neat and organized. However, if one looks into my bedroom and two closets, they are packed completely full.
My situation is that I lived overseas many years and acquired many oriental rugs and other objects which are one-of-a-kind. My housing overseas was much larger than here, so I was able to fully utilize the objects.
I have actually given quite a few items away since returning to the U.S., but now all of my friends have either died, moved away, or live far from my hometown. Before downsizing into this condo, I also donated many items and two very large rugs to a shop whose profits benefit animals.
I am not willing to get rid of the remaining rolled up carpets in my closet or unique handmade furniture from India, Malaysia and Indonesia although I tried unsuccessfully to sell some rugs a few years ago. Most Americans I’ve met don’t care about or appreciate handmade oriental rugs, even if reasonably priced.
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Someone young will be thrilled to get those rugs. Offer them up with back stories and you’ll be surprised and delighted by the response.
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I experienced a perfect storm of sorts, the pandemic followed by the durecho, the passing of my mother and empty nest. Maybe I was experiencing an existential crisis but it manifested itself in a giant clutter. Two years later, I have made great strides in settling the business end of the ordeal, bills paid, roofs and trees taken care of but my mother’s house remains, filled with heirlooms nobody has room for or wants and papers, piles of papers. The article rightly describes clutter adding to frustration and stress and diminishing quality of life. With great help from family, friends I will come out the other side but it has been a struggle.
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I have a rule that I try my best to live by, if I don't touch something for a year I don't need it and it's gone. Works for almost everything with obvious exceptions Took me 2 months to clean out my Dad's place when he died, I'll never do that to anyone.
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Here in Hawaii if it’s not touched in six months it’s gone. No winter.
Plus our homes average around 500 sq feet…start at $800,000. It’s the land that is expensive.
We live much of our lives outside. Ten people can live in one apartment. You’re only in one room at a time. Just put mattresses up against the walls during day.
This truly is paradise!
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I understand that clutter is bad. But the recent obsession of homes looking sterile, generic, and beige isn’t the solution. Not that the article says so! But I’m nostalgic for spaces that are lived in, with organized layers created over a lifetime.
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I had shared this article with my sister when it was published and we discussed the mental load and the unequal burden of running the house that falls on women. Today I went back to re-read after we both were diagnosed with adult ADHD. I’m seeing this situation with new eyes.
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can you elaborate on this?
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Closet space is the best anti-depressant.
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They are called possessions for a reason: because like a demonic spirit in a horror film, they possess you.
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It’s just stuff, whether it’s “clutter” is a value judgement (I say clutter when newspapers start getting stacked; not sure about the New Yorker.).
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Yes, clutter adds to the mental health burden— not just because of the way it looks, but also because of the way it interferes with a person’s ability to get things done
But as someone who’s been in cancer treatment for almost seven years, it’s a chicken-and-egg situation
People who are already constantly fatigued or stressed or otherwise unable to devote time to consistently preventing and curating clutter are both more likely to accumulate it, and less likely to be able to easily reduce or eliminate it, and speaking from experience, the helplessness of not even having the time or energy to purge things you don’t want and sort things you do just becomes one more massive source of an already unusually high level of general stress.
People say money can’t buy happiness, but it can rent you a person to organize and purge your house so you can focus on your two jobs and kids, or your one job and seven weekly doctor appointments and physical therapy… but even finding a trustworthy person to pay to be in charge of that requires mental energy and attention that you simply might not have.
I would bet anything that a more detailed analysis would clearly demonstrate that most of the time, problematic clutter is both a RESULT of, and a co-contributing factor in, an already-high mental burden
Anyone want to come clean my house? I have five bags of stuff ready for donation….
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@Chris: I sympathize with your situation. If I lived within a decent drive, I would give you 3 days of time to help with your stuff. I hope someone else closer can make the same offer! Best of luck in your recovery.
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I’m a clutterbug who might be able to help those like me. When I do a little introspection I find that I rationalize keeping everything because “I might use it someday”. However, effectively I have way less useable material because I can’t find it. So, perhaps paradoxically, having less might be a way to effectively have more, given my inability to find items among the fray. This works especially well when thinking about food storage in the fridge and pantry.
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Tidy people have never been any where and generally fail to support art or craft. My home is a museum of family heirlooms, art and craft items collected from friends, local artists, and from artists and craft persons on travels across the country and the world. In addition, my art and craft are plentiful as well. I collect small hand crafted animal figures, especially birds. Yes, my home is full. Projects in various stages of completion rest carefully, either drying or awaiting the next layer of effort. Visitors love my house. They say it's eye candy, with something interesting in every corner.
I don't lose my keys (they have a special spot by my purse) and I do mail every day, most of which goes in the trash. The only daily clutter chore is the Amazon boxes, a new clutter item which arrived with Covid and has remained as cartravel remains costly.
The crowed nature of my home I learned from members of my family. My mother was a white glove clean mister with a strict minimalist approach to her home. It was a ton of work to keep it like that. No, place for grandkids school art, no place for my mother's beautiful weaving. I really didn't like it. I learned that stacked books as end tables is perfectly acceptable from my aunt Eunice Swan and elder cousin in-law Marilyn Avolio. They were focused on people not neatness. It's a far more casual approach, far less stressful, and far more fun way to live in your home.
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Why so defensive if it isn’t causing you issues? And why needlessly insult people who like tidy spaces? I just returned from Europe and my home is tidy. I brought back two souvenirs, a purse I use and a coat I wear. Rooms crowded with possessions, no matter the providence of the items, make me feel anxious and have since I was a kid. To each, their own.
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I’m an artist. Ordering and clearing my studio is my preparation to paint. That spacious feeling encourages inspiration.
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@pjtawney Things acquired throughout the years are precious, but opining that tidy people have no sense of art or craft lost me. One can do both, at the same time.
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I think people who live n clutter have difficulty making decisions and taking action.
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Cluttered home, cluttered mind.
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Cluttered mind, cluttered home . . . it’s not that simple.
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Einsteinesque reply: what does that say about the empty home?
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People who live amongst clutter have a harder time finding things when they need them.
Ever noticed how in cluttered households, family members are constantly losing common items like house keys and phones?
Eventually you can't perform normally easy tasks without having to move items out of the way, which increases the amount of time to do menial things.
You might think those two things alone are enough to incentivize someone to keep things tidy.
While the stereotypical, classic household portrayed on 1960's television influenced our notions of what an organized, clutter-free home looked like, there was no list of benefits for doing so. It was inherent in the suggestion since humans learned that over thousands of years.
Eat your vegetables and clean your room. That's just basic life experience that has been adopted by most humans.
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“A cluttered home can be a stressful home, researchers are learning.”
Hey, I could've told them that.
I'd guess it works both ways: maybe stressed people are more likely to develop clutter, contributing to a vicious circle.
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Let’s see- full time job and now elderly care while living with parent. Daily leveling, cleaning, meal prep- putting daily items away and the day becomes long then is gone in a wink! Decluttering takes time- a real luxury when one is exhausted and sad with pandemic/sickness/ grief just trying to get through the day. Exercise time is what needs to be fundamental in the schedule and that’s been a struggle. Seasonal chores also take priority to maintain the house/car. When reach out to sibling for help- the reply is to go get therapy. Just wanted them to spend time connecting with elderly parent. So dealing with the clutter will be “later”.
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I completely relate to your response having recently lost a family member I deeply loved. Add here, too, feelings of being alone when significant others or children grow up or away from you. The utter loneliness enables the procrastination. Turning on a Netflix series, for example, provides the temporary escape from “things” whether they be objects or feelings. Not a recommended path and one I am so desperately battling at the moment.
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I can't express the freedom I feel when I release my attachment to worrying about clutter.
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My problem is I am always trying to find ways to reutilize things instead of tossing them into the landfill.
That being said....after long deliberation I finally set out to clean my shop this past summer. It was a major undertaking but I was committed to it so I bucked up and got to it..no more putting it off. As I surveyed the expanse I realized that there were things in there that I had stashed away a very long time ago. My day was filed with ' I remember this thing..I was wondering where this went to' or 'I totally forgot about this.'
But as soon as I would pick something up destined for my trash bag my internal dialogue would sound off like an alarm to undermine my efforts..'but you might find a use for that someday..you just might regret throwing that out ..better to be safe than sorry'. Then a battle ensues and my logical self chimes in...,'Dude, you haven't found a use for that in over 10 years ...it's probably a pretty good bet you won't find one anytime soon..t's time to let go'
Of course logic won out in the end and I feel pretty good that I accomplished my goal of clearing out my shop..it was long overdue. But I have to admit that it is a real challenge overcoming the mental resistance I encounter when faced with the decision to either keep something with hopes it might be reutilizable or to just toss it out because its usefulness has expired.
But then I start to contemplate.... maybe it's time to de-clutter the house too.
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@Lumberjack Bear
And time to declutter the people as well?
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Buy nothing and free cycle websites can help keep things out of the landfill by getting them to people who can use them. I also found a home for my mother's college scrapbook with her university. There is also a university that takes WWII letters. My brother and I read through our parents' correspondence (about 200 letters), making notes to remember. We plan to donate their letters.
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Terrific article, almost as if you've someone encouraging beside you, but can't see the mess in your house..
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Great timing. I was just thinking this morning I needed to do some decluttering before winter. Some people do spring cleaning but I think pre-winter cleaning is a better idea. This morning, I filled a sack with magazine to take to the senior citizen center. I'll start weeding the book collection this afternoon. Next I'll go through the kitchen cabinets to see if there is any food items to donate. And then on to the sock and underwear drawers. I used to help people declutter and I know how fast the stuff piles up.
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I could not find The Tidy Home Challenge on the link.
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Read E. L. Doctorow's "Homer and Langley" published in 2009. It opened my eyes to clutter taken to the extreme.
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I am definitely one of the women who is completely stressed out by the clutter in my home. Getting rid of the clutter is a gargantuan task, and one I resent that everyone else thinks is my job. Why should I spend all of my free time picking up after other people?
The worst part is that I have worked from home for nearly a decade, so my time to get away from the clutter is limited. I am permanently trapped in a messy space that is nothing but an enormous reminder of all the work that other people have piled onto my life. I make sure my work desk faces a window, so I can't see the mess while I am "at work."
I used to travel for work, which meant I got to spend a few days in a hotel room. It was a wonderful respite, but when I'd come home it would be to a space that was 10 times worse than what I had left. Ugh.
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Exactly!
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Perfectly phrased.
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A friend once pointed out to me that some things I hang onto represent a memory, and the memory is in my head, so why hang onto it. It doesn't work for everything, but that thought did enable me to get rid of a surprising number of objects, and yes, the memories remained intact.
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@Peg202, But what makes you think of the memory without seeing or holding the object?
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@Steve Beck That’s where scanning or videoing comes in, I scan or video anything that will fit on the scanner bed, including three-dimensional things. Now I have the image of the thing and can connect with it on my devices, which triggers the memory. Remember that TV series where the people put everything in the house into three piles on the front lawn? The key phrase was “keep the memories, get rid of the stuff.”
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Often taking a photo of the item knowing I can keep the photo so it can trigger the pleasant memory any time I want allows me to let go of the thing.
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My wife says I am a hoarder.
Yes, of some things. I keep books, CDs and art. I also keep some things that I think might be useful in a future project.
My wife will throw out things if she does not see an immediate use for them.
This means that small tables are donated one week and then new small tables are purchased a few weeks later - because she discovered it was a good idea after all.
There must be a middle ground somewhere. I just wish I could find it.
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@RN, Books are not clutter.
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@Steve Beck
Anything can be clutter. Even books. And I say that as a former librarian and someone who can't pass book store without stopping in and buying a book. When they sit unused. When they pile up as aspirational objects. When they are only trophies to prove you read books. Then, yes, they are clutter. Give them to someone who will read and use them.
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Books can be clutter. We used to be members of our local library system and would attend every book sales the Friends of the Library held. We didn’t put limits on the quantities of books we each could buy at $1-$2/book. Over time we had enough books to stock a small town library. Finally we had too many and we started limiting the quantity and dollar amount we could spend. When that proved to not be an effective way to reduce the book clutter we started packing them in boxes. Only my husband can remember the names of books packed in each of his boxes. Slowly I am starting to create boxes of books to be given away. Yes, the boxes are part of the clutter; but not for long. Our local library system will takes books that were not originally theirs and add them to their collection or pass on to another entity. The others will be donated to a thrift store that always carries a selection of books.
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The problem lies in the old adage, 'waste not want not'. You don't want to buy the same things over again. However if you can't find that thing, you will have to buy it again anyway.
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It's easy to find someone who wants your discarded possessions. List it as "free" on Facebook or Craigs list. It will be gone within 24 hours.
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@carolyn And your discards, instead of being a frustration, will be used by someone who wants them.
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@carolyn Good suggestion!
Including clean Amazon boxes. Peel or black out the label, stack, count and photograph 1 or 2 views. Probably takes less time than breaking down for recycling.They're usually gone a few days.(Auto dependent SoCal, but smaller batches may work elsewhere)
I always ask for a name and specific 1 hour pickup time to discourage flakes, the biggest time waster. And no phone or text, beloved of spammers. Don't answer emails without the info or that vaguely say "tomorrow morning" with song and dance personal tales.
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Freecycle is good as well.
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If you’ve ever had to dispose of a deceased relative’s clutter, it will inspire you to spare your relatives that chore when you check out one day.
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Helping my dad move out of his 2 bedroom condo motivated me to do a fairly ruthless toss of many of my own items. Since then I have doubled down on the "get rid of it so the executor doesn't have to deal with it "
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Conversation 1 -
Me: - "I think we should throw out a bunch of stuff which is cluttering up the apartment" -
Wife: - "You mean you want to throw out all of MY stuff ! - Why don't you start by throwing out all of YOUR stuff - which is cluttering up the apartment!" -
Conversation 2
Me: - "I think we should throw this out - it just adds to the clutter" --
Wife: - "Oh I don't know - maybe we should hang on to it - you never know - we might need it someday" --
It's called -
"The Story of Inertia" ...
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OMG; so on target for me! I describe it as drowning in clutter. I'm swimming through piles of things to find what I need. Then I get stumped on where to put things, because every closet, cabinet, and drawer are full (of clutter). Eventually, I become so overwhelmed by all this CR@P that all I can do is tread water. So I give up and watch TV and play computer games. I'm 67 and live alone, so I rationalize that I don't care; it's my house and I'll do what I want. But I DO care. However, I see one big problem with this article: Less WHY and more HOW TO FIX IT, please!
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I do exactly the same. I may do one room or part room then take a break, read, watch TV, walk dogs or coffee whatever, then too tired to complete and can't face into next day. I'm hoping this article helps. I'm also 67 and also think I couldn't be bothered, my house etc; but I do care. The house gets frantically tidied/cleaned when someone is coming then I wonder why I can't be like this all the time.
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@AvgJane2
Rule one: Start. Just start. Anyplace. With anything. Toss the clothes you hate. Get rid of the books you didn't like or the DVDs you will never watch again. Lose the stuff you don't even know what it is. Dump anything that is broken or filthy. The nice thing about decluttering is that you get an instant reward. Don't worry about having a perfect plan/method. Just Start.
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This article seems ridiculous. Cluttered spaces (not hoarding) are very productive with less effort. What's the point of careful arrangements if no one but you uses the space? This is yet one more attempt to critique how people live, an irresistible temptation in today's society. And I guarantee there is an underlying organization principle in each of these situations that is really no concern of anyone except the person living there. Arranging and re-arranging is a pointless exercise of feeble minds.
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@Pete
I knew there would be comments like this. There always are. If you are happy with the way you live and you aren't breaking any health laws, then its all good. But Pete, read the comments. People are not happy with their clutter. They are crying for help. How can you deny what you can read with your own eyes?
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@sjs Then let them throw things out! But article is a "norming" quality to it: this is how you OUGHT to live!
People differ and for people who are (to varying degrees) ADHD leaving stuff out functions to keep them on track: I need to do this task. I need to do that task. So, shared spaces need to be agreed upon and arranged by compromise. Private spaces are just to be left to the individual.
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@Fulan
Well, if an individual was the only person involved, I would agree with you. But, as you can read from the comments, others are involved. Family, friends, fellow workers, and sometimes officials at an apartment building or condo. And occasionally the Board of Health. Its been my experience that when somebody says "this isn't your concern", more times than not, it actually is.
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Amen.
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When you get to the point where the idea of your house burning to the ground gives you a sense of liberation - then you know you have a problem. :)
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Can I please ask people who want to put items on the street "in case someone wants them" to not do that? Furniture (once an entire living room set with a huge couch), TVs, other items, are sometimes dumped on my property and the property across the street. What happens is, no one takes them. They just sit there for weeks until *we* pay for a special garbage pickup! Because the regular garbage will not take them. Or on occasion, my husband has sawed a chair into pieces small enough to fit into one of our garbage cans. This is not being thoughtful to anyone. If you want to donate, donate to a charity. Don't dump the items at the side of the street.
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@HereandThere
In my area, if you put something at the end of the driveway with a sign "Free", its gone by afternoon.
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I have a problem with clutter, I read and keep too many advice articles.
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Decluttering my space helps me turn down the volume on the "trivial many" who still live in my head.
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I would take the warmth and homeyness of the room shown in the lead photo over the sterility and vacuousness of minimalist design any day.
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@elliott
But why does it have to be either extreme?
PS. at least in a minimalist leaning room, your stuff doesn't kill you. Hard to trip over things that aren't there.
11
My no clutter rules
1) Paper is the enemy of clean. Keep paper out of your house as much as possible. Doing this means I can find truly important papers easily.
2) The Container is the limit. Your closet is a container. If it’s full you need to get rid of something. SMe with drawers and cupboards.
3) keep counters clear of all but absolute essentials.
4) Nothing ever stored on the dining room table.
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Can we talk for a minute about putting things away where they belong? If you can find things, you won't have to buy them over and over again.
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The day I realized I had a clutter problem was the day I had to vacuum and realized I had put it off so long because I absolutely dreaded having to repeatedly pick up, move, and replace objects and furniture just to vacuum.
When the pandemic lockdowns hit I resolved to solve the clutter problem once and for all using the following simple three-point strategy:
First, every day I tackled a category of object (such as eating utensils, cups, bowls, towels, pillows, shirts, pants). I ordered all instances of that item in order of most-want-to-keep to most-willing-to-part-with, then repeated the following: I'd take the one I wanted to keep the most and set it aside to keep, while at the same time I took the one I could most afford to part with and set it aside in the "divest" pile, until I had bisected all items in that category into two halves. Then the "divest" half I sorted into a "junk" pile to be thrown out, and a "donate" pile, immediately whereafter I dumped the junk pile in the dumpster and promptly boxed up and dropped off the donate pile at thrift stores before I had time to start second-guessing myself.
Second, in addition to the above, every morning on my way out of the house I would choose one object to remove from my home (whether junk or donate), repeating this daily.
Third, I implemented a "72-hour waiting period" on purchases of all new items, disallowing myself from purchasing anything until 3 days after wanting it. This alone crushed 95% of impulse buying
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@Austin thank you very much for sharing this. I shall copy and paste it to help me in my decluttering journey!
4
@Austin Impressive! I like the way you tackled narrow categories so that the task wasn’t overwhelming.
I also impose a waiting period on purchases…except the occasional candy bar at a checkout lane. Probably would be healthier if they were subject to a waiting period too.
5
We have a $100 dollar rule which is that any non-disposable item at or above that price requires approval by both parties to purchase. It has worked fairly well in a relationship where one of us is a shopper and the other (me) is a minimalist. The difficulty is that we've done well and worked hard over the years, and I don't want to necessarily deny my partner 'things,' but it requires constant vigilance on my part to de-accession as much as we can on a yearly basis. I also insist on a housekeeper which helps keep things organized.
I feel incredibly lucky to have been born with some sort of 'resistance' gene. I am completely immune to any commercial enticement, inducement or advertisement and always have been. When I crave owning an object, it is carefully considered and acquired for its beauty or singularity and USE. There are a host of things in life that you need for daily living - from plates to cookware to lamps to chairs to bedding - so I find plenty of opportunity to buy things of beauty. And I won't buy cheap either. I like durable. But what I don't need I don't buy. And I don't get the impulse or thrill. The rest around me are a few momentos or photos, and that is plenty. Any more and I have a panic attack.
16
"Another option is to make a conscious effort to acquire less."
This is really the crux of the whole thing, imho. We all need to simply buy less stuff, but where's the profit for business in that kind of thinking?
34
As a real estate broker, I have been shocked to find elderly people being engulfed in houses so full that I was concerned for the owners health and safety. There is no way these houses can sell for top dollar as you simply can't see past all "the stuff." I wondered where their children/family was - why they weren't intervening in what looked like a lot of their long-grown kids old furniture and belongings. It wasn't safe, it wasn't right. And, it has motivated me to unload my own house. I found that I had "stored" years of items in my garage and closets that had not been touched since placed there. Let it go.
23
@Patricia
My brother and I have spent years trying to help our elderly parents clear out their home. If they are mentally competent, you can't just start taking things without their permission! It has been a very slow process, and the progress might not be noticable to an outsider. I'm glad it inspired you to clean things out, and I am working hard to limit my own accumulations!
37
Huh… Chances are very good that the relatives have tried more than once to declutter those homes, only to be met with shrieks of “Leave my things alone!” “Don’t touch that!” “I need that stuff!” and so forth. Hoarding is truly one of the most treatment-resistant problems. Don’t judge those relatives and friends—they’re probably more worried about Grammy falling and not being found than they are about whether the house shows well.
14
Clutter and the elimination of it is precisely why I have tried to desuade my in laws from buying us gifts, other than specialty food boxes or gift cards. I am equally repelled by holiday gift exchanges at work. If I want or need something I will buy it myself. At the moment, I am trying to figure out how to get rid of a large ugly wedge pillow my SIL sent my husband during his recent bout with covid. As if we don't have plenty of pillows! Well, intentioned, yes, but completely unnecessary. And another thing for the landfill.
23
@Karen Similar to you, if I need or want a thing, I’ll buy it. Many many gifts from friends or family members who’s love language is… gifting.. eventually end up in the donate pile after months of me guiltily moving them around the house and deliberating over their fate. My home would be terribly cluttered if I kept all these well-intentioned things. I’ve stated at times that if it isn’t edible, burnable, or plantable, don’t gift it. I’ve noticed the gifts I do keep are usually quilts, blankets, and shawls because they are versatile… if they are not my style, then my dog benefits from a new quilt, blanket, or furniture cover.
16
Why not donate the wedge pillow to a care home or Goodwill?? They are expensive & very useful. Someone would be thankful to have it! People too quickly & wastefully toss into the trash what someone else could utilize.
29
@Froman
When people say "toss it", they mean get rid of it. It might go into the trash, it might go to Goodwill, etc. or it might be given to a friend*. In a conversation, people don't need to get too specific.
*big reader here, so books done with go to friends, town library for their book sale, or to a "Little Free Library". Same for DVDs
8
For me, an uncluttered house means freedom. It also means that I have some control in a world I see as confusing and often self destructive. I like small house for ease of housekeeping, but not so small as not to have a place of my own, and for my husband to have a similar space. The rest of the house is mutual. The house is 900 square feet and comfortable. I really question the need for a big house, big beyond the number of resident's needs.
25
I lived in an amazing (and large) home with my three children (all college students now) and (now) former spouse. I had lovingly decorated and organized it for my family. But, during pandemic, I divorced and I later moved to another state. I had a professional estate sale and moved enough stuff to fully furnish and decorate my new home. I don't miss any of what I left behind and haven't reacquired things I didn't move with me. My current home has much less storage space (built in 1940) but I don't miss the stuff. Highly recommend downsizing. I'm 53 and plan to downsize again to condo in a resort area by 65.
21
Similarly, my husband and I moved in 2020 to a new area after 21 years in our home. We realized how much stuff that we owned that was so unnecessary and unused. We donated what we could and dumped stuff that we felt wasn’t usable. In our new house, we only acquire what we love. Done with fast fashion, fast furniture and stuff that doesn’t enhance our life.
18
@Clarity0204
Very liberating! I (a single male) also just downsized - and moved across the country - from a 3 bed/2 bath house to a one bed condo. I was overwhelmed by the accumulated stuff I didn't need and realistically some I hadn't seen in years. Was it hard to let go? Some yes. Most no. But now that I'm living without the weight of all that stuff, my life is simpler. Less stressful. I don't miss any of it!
13
Things will get much better when the USB C cable becomes universal.
41
for me, my material space is a metaphor, an expression, for my psychic space.
The clutter makes it easier to avoid the anxiety itself, which is another matter.
Getting rid of material stuff never solves the problem, for me.
16
Years ago, colleague’s office was a textbook case of the cluttered space. But in his case, it wasn’t a matter of acquiring too much; rather, the only empty item in his office was the waste basket. Every newspaper he read never was thrown away — those were the days before we recycled paper — but deposited on a chair, a desk, the floor. Finish reading a book? On the floor next to his chair. Same with coffee cups. He had multiple articles of clothing at the office because having brought a sweater that morning, he forgot to take it home, and the next morning it was cold again, so…. His problem wasn’t that he was a pack rat or acquisitive; he was just a garden-variety slob. When he died (at home, not in his office), he left behind an office so piled high with junk that it took a custodian one month to clear the office and then sanitize it.
20
@Ockham9
Slob? Harsh word.
6
@Tim
if he never threw anything, I think it is a fair description. Seriously, old newspapers?
8
I am married to someone like this. It is like trying to bail out the ocean. One time I decided to put away his clean clothes, because I was tired of nagging him to do it. Only, none of his clothes would fit in the drawers. His underwear drawer was filled with an old math textbook, a frisbee, a giant pile of paper napkins, and about $40 in loose change.
14
When I told our neighbors that my mother insisted that I move a box of my childhood correspondence from her attic to my home. They confessed that they had saved their old letters too. Today their correspondence is in the Holocaust Museum. Mine will never be in a museum, but my correspondents were grateful to receive a package of their old letters.
32
Before we had a housekeeper, much of my tidying and cleaning was in preparation for guests. While the guests were my motivation, I certainly felt better in my clean orderly house after the event.
Eventually I hired a housekeeper to clean one day, every other week. I always have house in order before she arrives, so that she can work more effectively. I think that I enjoy the orderly house just as much or more than the clean house.
17
Keeping items out of the house (or plants out of the yard) is good advice. I recently picked up a fine dress shirt at the thrift shop after dropping off a bulky donation. The informal rule, which was enforced, is that adding a new shirt means getting rid of at least three or four.
14
I think that the problem is one of decision making. The decision making process breaks down and that results in procrastination. Nothing gets done.
It's all psychological.
29
I'm going to make a copy of all these comments and file them. They're lovely.
17
@Steve Don't forget to send a photo when you have completed your task...
1
Though the comments section (my comment is #1605 in the series) is replete with references to hoarding, the word is strangely absent from an article about clutter as is the word stockpiling.
These are three different behaviors with the first two having no redeeming value while the third is sometimes- though should never be- mistaken for the others.
I stockpile, which has come to be immeasurably handy when it comes to non-perishable food and personal products in during the era of pandemic-induced supply chain shortages, as it is depleting my supplies, if there have been oversupplies, as I refuse pay pandemic prices. The pandemic shortages will probably pass and prices will be back to normal by the time I have to replenish.
Clutter is a problem for me, with my clean desk suddenly no longer so, but I constantly work at reorganizing, donating and tossing and, barring an occasional relapse, sense progress and a light at the end of the tunnel.
BTW, I don't procrastinate. If I have an obligation I fulfill immediately, as I don't like to owe money or otherwise stress at the thought of anything that remains undone- or would otherwise increase my load were I to procrastinate- with the stress eating at me or increasing until I do that which I can't avoid attending to eventually anyway.
So- the supposed link between procrastination and clutter is new new to me.
10
49 year old white professional male here. I cook, clean, do child care, work full time and HATE clutter. Maybe it's because I was raised by women? Who knows?
17
@IanC I love this comment! When you are ready for a new wife, I'm available! LOL!
9
@Laura English
I agree. Too bad he's on the West Coast.
5
Get rid of it now rather than expect others to do it for you. So irresponsible and yes, horrible, to think other people should deal with your junk after you're gone. My mother used to snarkily say, out loud, that she was leaving "all this" (waves hands around to indicate her giant piles of hoarded possessions... rooms so full of stuff that you could not walk into them) for me to deal with after she dies, and so she did not need to do anything about it. Later, at 87, she had a stroke. She did not die but had to move to an assisted living facility where she now inhabits a very small studio apt with no kitchen. So while I still did indeed have to deal with "all that" (having to take time off work to do it), she also had to deal with the knowledge that all of it was either thrown out (uncountable garbage bags full) or donated. Of course, we will all leave things for others to do when we die, or have a stroke, or whatever, but pare it down before that happens, like today.
56
@JK Seniors should live for their own convenience, not yours. You're likely inheriting at least part of a house, stocks, and other valuable assets. You can do some work for those.
13
If anyone is holding on to clothes they can no longer fit into and at least five years have passed, please get rid of them. Don't you deserve new clothes if you finally lose that weight?
22
@M.K. Ward Our state just banned the disposal of fabrics...
9
@Brio So what do you do with clothing that’s too worn out to donate? I can only use/store so many rags.
2
Live in an apartment, don't own a car. Know what I have to get rid of but have absolutely no idea how to get unwanted, but useful, items somewhere where they will be wanted and used.
8
@NK You could post things for free on craigslist, Offerup, Letgo, FB marketplace, or on any number of local FB "buy nothing" groups. People can meet you and you can give the items away. Another option is calling a veterans charity, charity for the blind or others with specific illnesses, they will often take scheduled pickups of furniture, clothes, books etc curbside.
13
@NK: Commendable sentiment to get the items to someone who will use them. But I find that if disposing of items becomes a big deal, then the items just sit there. I know I will get flak for saying this, but it is healthier for me to just throw items away than to ruminate about their "second life."
31
In addition to the online options just mentioned, there's also FreeCycle and Trash Nothing groups in many places, as well as NextDoor (none of these are associated with Meta/Facebook). You could also search online or post on NextDoor to find local charities that accept specific types of items, such as durable medical equipment.
3
Loved the paragraph re: not touching items you have a nostalgic attachment to. We are in our 60s. Recently convinced hubby to discard his Pinewood Derby trophies. Next up: our childhood stamp collections. Finally washed and moved infant clothing out of our house so young people of limited means could give them a second life. Cathartic!
28
@Brio
good for you - but question: you are in your 60s? so why have you held onto infant clothing??? I can (kinda) understand the stamp collection but still - since childhood???? seriously?
4
@yogaheals
Grandchildren. Great-grandchildren
9
Like so many people, I can't stand the thought of throwing usable (to someone) things away. Freecycle and Buy Nothing groups have been fantastic for people like me. I have been able to get rid of all kinds of things that aren't Goodwill-appropriate items. e.g. gluten-free food (failed experiment), a pot lid (no pot), many many many craft supplies left over from my scout leader days, and so on. People are often thrilled to get something they need and value, for free. I just hope we aren't giving hoarders a new way to get stuff lol.
Also, a number of posters mentioned tee shirts no one would want. Turn them into tee shirt bags. Very easy project, and if you can't use them all, donate them to a CSA farm or food pantry or put your Buy Nothing items in them. Win-win.
22
@Tracy
here in Woodstock we have an organization (volunteer-run help line & domestic abuse center) where people can donate clothes shoes & household items & books.
the local bakery & farmer's market donate bread & vegetables & people can donate canned goods.
There is also a Food Pantry for those not able to afford groceries. It feels good to get rid of items you no longer use or want & let someone who truly needs them have them. Salvation Army also takes donations for flood, disaster fire victims who lost homes-
5
I have owned and lived alone in my 3 bedroom uncluttered townhouse for 31 years. One of my neighbors (and dear friend) recently told my visiting sister that I am a "clean freak." This just after an A/C technician performing maintenance in my house asked me "if anyone lives here." The remarks may have been criticisms or envy, I don't worry about it. My house is fully furnished and comfortable, I just have no junk and unnecessary detritus. My hobby is throwing things away, and I couldn't be happier. On my deathbed, I will have the satisfaction of knowing that my beneficiaries will not have to clean-up after me.
58
@Dan C,
"The remarks may have been criticisms or envy,"
Envy. Period. Full stop.
22
@Dan C I wish I could be like you if only for a few weeks ...
9
We recently had to demolish our garage, which, over 40 yrs, had become the repository of a bewildering array of yard equipment and supplies and home improvement tools and materials. I feel great now that I have reduced and reorganized that mess.
As D-Day approached, I had no choice but to drag unneeded items down to the street where, if someone didn't pick them up first, the city would pick the remainder up every other week.
The discipline imposed on me was spatial, as well as temporal. From a 800 sq ft garage, I was reduced to a 150 sq ft greenhouse and one half of a 15x8 ft pair of dog kennels.
Why not both kennels for another 120 sq ft? We've accumulated 6 dogs, and they're not going anywhere!!
7
My weight has fluctuated all my life. I have multiple wardrobes. I got rid of one set of clothes, thinking “that’ll never happen again,” only to grieve the well-made missing items when it did.
If I could stay in one wardrobe, that would remove a great deal of bulk from my home. It’s unrealistic for me. I’ve been around long enough to know that.
35
@Alex. Me, too.
7
@Alex When you do lose weight, how great to go “shopping in the back of your closet,” as I like to think of it! (Of course, that’s assuming you kept the clothes.) I tend to be a neat freak, but I would never subscribe to a rule about tossing out something I haven’t worn or used in x-number of months.
2
In my youth, I was so selective and specific about the things I included in my living space. When I married, my husband was older and kept a great deal of clutter. I was the "thrower" in our relationship, but over time his habits rubbed off on me more than I'd like to admit. When he died I had to work through many boxes and drawers of things stored in our house, a surprising amount of completely disorganized paper mixed with mementos and miscellany. A few years later I downsized to a smaller home, vowing to simplify and make sure every item had a place and a purpose. In eight years, I've made huge progress but still working on it. I've also been through stages of a similar process with my mother, whose primary hobby through middle age was shopping. The need to declutter rooms and keep essentials within reach as her mobility has decreased has been a valuable exercise. The weight of clutter, both material and emotional, has taken up entirely too much space and effort in my life. I'm in my late 50s now and my advice is to avoid weighing yourself down with so many things—curate your personal space with selectivity and meaning.
43
My mother recently entered long term care and I just finished cleaning out apartment. So far, I've thrown out 10-15 bags of trash and made three trips to Goodwill, and this was a very small apartment she moved into after losing nearly all of her possessions and having to start over.
One thought that returns to me often is I will not burden my daughter this way. My plan is to unload as much stuff as possible so when the time comes, she will not be overwhelmed by things.
32
Swedish Death Cleaning comes to mind.
https://www.familyhandyman.com/list/10-things-to-know-about-swedish-death-cleaning/
10
When I kept moving my National Geographic magazines from the 1970's and 1980's from house to house I knew I had a problem throwing stuff out.
49
As my husband and I grow older, we are learning that less is more. All of the "stuff" that we "had to have" years ago, have been sold or donated. There's a very real feeling of relief to not be surrounded by so much. We have what we need and maybe a few extras, but that's it and that's fine.
26
As the youngest and only agile member of my nuclear family, I have been tasked to clear out the family home. I figured it might take all summer. I figured wrong. While I have made impressive progress, this is going to take me well into next summer. Sore yet satisfied, when it’s done I will celebrate by getting the tiniest tiny house.
42
I guess, after reading through the comments, that I'm an outlier here in that i feel uncomfortable in someone's home that seems almost curated. I always find myself wondering if they have another home where they keep their stuff.
29
@Legsmcgregor I feel just the opposite. I had a friend whose home was clean up overloaded with knickknacks that had no value. SO many of them had slogans: "Life Is Beautiful" etc. that just seemed idiotic sitting next to each other everywhere. She had hundreds of bodice-ripper types of romance novels, although she never ever read. I felt smothered in her home. It felt like things were going to just start collapsing. She still shopped and brought in new junk constantly. Here's the sad part of this story that hasn't been addressed in the comments that I've seen or in the story - she worried constantly about having enough money during retirement.
24
And who has not experienced this? – You go into the home of a friend or loved one, with barely-tolerated ambition CLEAN & STRAIGHTEN that space so books are orderly, cutlery and plates put away clean, fire-hazard newspapers piled for removal, etc, ad infinitum, then return a week or month later to find all clutter restored to home-owner's chaotic perfection, exactly as it was before.
26
@vishmael - When my mom moved from her home of 50 years into an independent living apartment, I was so pleased to see her living in a space that, for once, was clean and tidy. But she'd kept her original home and gradually, over a period of about two years, she moved all the clutter into her small apartment. I was really upset to see it. Then my sister in law explained that the clutter was what constituted her "comfort level." I didn't learn to love the clutter in her apartment but with the idea about her comfort level in mind, at least I was better able to tolerate it.
16
@MegWright Thank you for this. I'm an accumulater, not a clutterer (too many books and clothes, but a place for everything).
Everyone has a comfort level with 'stuff'. At a certain age, one is comfortable in the environment one has created, and unless there is a health issue, or the clutter includes like 20 cats, it's best to leave it be and celebrate that the person is still alive and well.
18
When my Mom died, Dad jettisoned the inscrutably unfoldable, unstackable TV trays that had tripped him up in the den for 45 years. When my sister and I looked for them we were crushed (family heirlooms, after all), but Dad had finally de-cluttered!
12
So many interesting and helpful comments.
While I’m not a hoarder, raising and launching a large family in a large house over a long period of time has led to “issues.“ Here are a few approaches that have been very helpful to me as I work to to deaccession:
Each week, set a realistic bag quota around garbage pick-up day. Make sure you have that amount of stuff out there without fail, ready to go. If it’s more than the garbage pick-up person likes to take, tip them upfront and make sure they know that the tips will keep coming periodically until the project is finished. Donations can count toward the total (but don’t overestimate the value of your junk – – no one on earth wants the T-shirt your now-20-year-old daughter acquired eight years ago indicating that she “survived Jonah‘s bar mitzvah”).
For items with moderate sentimental/nostalgia value and no other utility: Create an iPhone note called something like “Meaningful Stuff I Threw out.” Photograph each of the items in question, add the photos to your iPhone note, then throw away or donate these items.
For items with high sentimental/nostalgia value: Keep these for now and may be forever. You’re only human. But be careful about over-assigning items to this category.
The key to this system is never failing to get your (realistic) self-assigned number of bags out on out on trash day every single week. This quota-and-deadline system has kept me going in a way that Marie-Kondo-type approaches did not.
Good luck!
33
@Katonah
I like your bag quota idea. Thanks!
3
I’m not a minimalist, but I’m obsessively organized. Meanwhile; my husband & I went from an apt. to a townhse. to a sm. hse. to a big (old) hse. - and after about 10 yrs. we said “this is ridiculous”. We’d gradually bought many nice items to fill the space & I had a big libr. I spent lots of time going through everything & we donated many items. We moved to an apt. (1600 s.f.) & loved it. A few yrs. later we moved to a 1200 s.f. apt. in a new city (after donating more) and we also loved that. A few yrs. later we moved to an 800 s.f. apt. in NYC, after donating more. My one vice is (photography & art) books - but when I begin running out of space, I donate some.
We're passionate photographers & we’ve traveled extensively. We had a huge # of pre-digital photos, so we spent lots of time culling & scanning before shredding most of them. I did save an album of my childhood photos from my mother, plus all the cards from my husband.
My mother had a fairly lge./well-organized hse. However; 11 yrs. ago I had to move her to an independent-living facility and discovered she’d saved a lifetime’s worth of papers. I donated most of her things and then took back TONS of papers to go through. 3 1/4 yrs. later I had to move her to another city, and then to assisted-living nearly 3 yrs. later. 6 mos. later, my aunt died & I inherited a nightmare. Her apt. was well-organized, but she’d apparently never gotten rid of any papers. I spent about a *yr.* contending with all that.
13
@Susan L. - it IS hard to go through parents papers (or Aunts)! I just did that with my mom. I noticed you posted this comment on Feb 16 and it reminded me my mom was still alive when you wrote it and I didn't realize her end would be so soon. She died a few months later. Time goes by so quickly and so slowly too.
14
@mendyh It's odd, isn't it? The days seem long but the months fly by.
7
I wish to mention a contributing factor to the amount of stuff I have collected. Offhand I have not read through all the comments therefore do not know if anyone else has brought it up. I buy backups. When I find an item that I am particularly happy with I will buy a spare. Why? Because if it breaks, I lose it, or it wears out I am unable to find it again. And if I find something similar usually it is not the same quality. I have in my clothes bag two unworn. new with tags, pairs of leggings by a well-known manufacturer. Can I buy these again, yes but the garments are not the same, the manufacturer was bought out by another company, the country of manufacture has changed, no longer Vietnam, and the inseam is no longer 31" but 29". The composition of the fabric is changed. No longer the same garment. I once had a clipping which I kept in my wallet, it was titled "If you find something you love but a lifetime supply of it because if you don't it will probably be discontinued".
31
@S Sm if you find something you love, you will probably find something else you love in the future. This holds true for people as well.
10
Everyone please declutter while you have the mental capacity and the physical ability. It is HORRIBLE to expect your kids to clean through your belongings upon your death. I am not exaggerating when I say my in-laws basement is packed to the CEILING with who knows what. Not to mention every nook and cranny in their ranch style home is crammed with tiny mementos from 55 years of marriage. They recently gathered family members into the living room to ask what they wanted. You could have heard crickets. Nobody really wants other people’s travel souvenirs, reader’s digest books etc.
78
@Vicki Wagner - You're describing my parents' house perfectly. After my father had a massive stroke and had to move into a skilled nursing facility, my mom decided it was time to move into an independent living apartment. She insisted that all of us kids be there at the same time (from all across the country ) to help go through their possessions. I think she was hoping we'd want more of them. But when we proved eager to put them in a garage sale or donate them or trash them, she finally said, sadly, 'Well, I guess those are just our memories." I've never forgotten that sentiment.
35
I hate my own clutter but don't mind looking at someone else's.
17
Last January, my husband and I set a goal for 2021: each month we would each get rid of one shopping bag's worth of stuff -- knickknacks, clothes, shoes, housewares, magazines etc. Just one. If we did more than one, we could use it as a "credit" towards a month where we didn't get rid of anything. Doesn't sound like much but by the end of the year, that was 24 bags of stuff gone. We hope to do something similar this year.
38
Correlation is not causation.
In other words, from what I've read in this article about the quoted study, I could just as easily come to a different conclusion: folks who are stressed about other things in their lives also tend to be stressed about what they perceive to be clutter.
In *even more* other words: I think the study authors may be biased, and when analyzing their study data, they found what they were looking for.
I also find the quote from one of the study authors about, "the 1950s ideals of the single family home" to be problematic, and it makes me less confident in their assertions.
22
I thought that statement about the 1950s was weird, too. However, I can tell you from my experience of being married to a hoarder for 20 years that excessive clutter caused extreme stress to me every day of my life. Just pulling in the driveway made my heart pound. After we were separated, he left all of it in my house so that i had to deal with it, while he began another hoard elsewhere. When i finally removed all of it, my stress levels plummeted, where they remain to this day, a decade later.
19
My husband is hoarder; it reeked havoc on our marriage and family. The more shelves, containers and sheds we got the more junk he accumulated. I finally got some relief when when downsized to a smaller house after we both retired. He even procrastinated to the last moment in that process and I had to get my family members to help declutter which he finally went along with. If I knew early on to what extent of a hoarding I was dealing with I would have given an ultimatum for getting help. No one should live like this.
17
@mary
And the thing is with so much stuff when you really need something it is so hard to find.
18
We did buy a lot of things for a while to furnish our apartment and I needed a more professional wardrobe (went from casual freelancer to senior manager in a major global corporation). But even then, we made efforts to keep clutter down. And we now follow the practice of getting rid of something (in equal or greater amounts) whenever we buy something new. There are many university students living in apartments near us, so when we bought new tableware and cookware, we boxed up the old that (still in good shape) and set the stuff outside with a "gratis" (free) sign on on the boxes. Everything was gone in three hours.
My husband had custom furniture built for his home office and we paid for a company to take away and properly dispose of all his old mismatched furniture odds and ends (they could keep anything they wanted, sell what they could, and recycle as much of the rest as possible) along with boxes of old paperwork, etc. When the truck with all that pulled away, we felt physically light-headed with relief.
18
I’m a professional organizer and I sell client’s items (including clothing) online. It’s a great motivator when we are in the edit stage! It’s not difficult. Try Poshmark, eBay, Facebook Marketplace or Etsy (many other platforms out there). A great hobby/side hustle!
15
In my opinion, stuff freaks people out so much the go on vacation or to camp to get away from it. I have moved house so many times, it was a convenient opportunity to sell or donate. In my 50s I am free at last.
13
@Suzanne
Wish I could remember the name, but there was once a popular book on de-cluttering by two women authors. And it was a vacation that got them going. They wanted to live the striped downed, clutter-free life they had experienced at the beach house.
7
As a contractor who visits people homes I can tell you that many, many Americans have homes and garages filled with clutter they can’t manage or organize. I often wonder how they had enough time (and money) to acquire so much stuff.
31
A dear friend recently asked me to help her with clutter. Her small condo is packed with multiple items of everything...furniture, dishes, glassware, baking paraphernalia. I quickly discovered that she required professional help, both physically and emotionally. Every item had a story, usually involving why she could not part with an item. My assistance ended when she asked me to help her decide which travel mugs she could keep. She said she required 7, out of a cabinet that contained at least 30. After an hour, I heard many stories, and she was incapable of throwing away even the lids that had no containers. I told her that our friendship was more important, and I offered to pay for a professional organizer's services. I hope this works for her.
36
For every item brought in take out two.
12
Terry Gross ran a previous interview with the late comic Louie Anderson a few weeks ago. She asked if he was a hoarder. He said “no, you’re not a hoarder if you still have aisles.”
27
A simple premise that the longer you wait, the more you realize that you do not need it.
13
The difference between being a hoarder and collector is shelves.
37
It's not how much you have as much as how well you organize and store and display it. I just got a file cabinet again (after moving here) and it really took care of a lot of loose and disorganized paperwork. Now once a year I go through receipts and invoices as well and separate from the new year.
14
I am 76 and I like to reread books…even mysteries. But now, when I reread a book, I donate it. I’m not likely to want to read it again; I’m not going to live that long. I love various office supplies but my focus now is having enough for the next 5-10 years because when all our supplies were consolidated, we could have outfitted five home offices. I’m using up my stuff and if there is more than I need, I am finding schools or charities that will use them. It’s a start.
27
@Northshore - I'm also 76, but I don't know if I'm ready to get rid of my favorite books. When I moved here almost 20 years ago I donated 18 boxes of books to the library, but haven't been ready to get rid of the rest. Your post will make me reconsider.
7
@MegWright and @Northshore
One of the reasons people keep books is they are afraid that they will forget the title or author of the book and they might want to know that again. I solved that problem by keeping a book/reading journal. I've been keeping one for decades. In it, for each month, I put the name / author of the book and maybe comments if I like/dislike it or a quote from the book. It helps me from accumulating too many books.
PS. An additional benefit is that I know how many books I've read in the last 40 years
8
@sjs Goodreads is great for that, too. And it doesn’t require adding more paper.
1
It's so ironic to see this article -
A couple of days ago - I was rifling through a drawer filled with old papers and found a note sent to me by Nebuchadnezzar I - which I'd been meaning to answer for a while now -
It seems I'm a bit behind in my correspondence ...
40
After reading this article, I walked over to one of the kitchen cabinets, gathered up the assorted mismatched glass jars I've been storing up mindlessly, and finally got them out of my space. Refreshing.
27
@Mireaux On a similar note, I went through my plastics and put the lids on each one and put them back in almost the same amount of space, but with many less pieces (extras were donated). In four years of a lots of cooking, I never ran out. For pantry items such as rice, beans etc I recycle jars. the glass is easy to clean and to see through. And free!
11
Peering into the clutter is the ability to "see" into the owner's own mind.
10
I'm considering building a great pyramid to store all of my accumulated possessions. That way I can enjoy all of it in the afterlife when I'm dead and gone.
33
@Betrayus notice how nobody ever disparages the Ancient Egyptians for their hoarding…will any of us ever get our own museum?
8
My extra bedroom seemed cold and when I tried to reach down behind the bed I realized that the bed was probably blocking the baseboard heat. I resolved THAT NIGHT that the next day I was going to change the room around. The heater is now unblocked (one of the units needs replaced) after I changed the room around. I didn't think I could move furniture any more at the age of 71, but big sliders helped! I got rid of a BUNCH of "stuff", took before and after pics, and I feel GREAT about my accomplishment!
53
Congratulations! Well done!
10
@Cal Z : THANKS!!!!
6
Two phrases come to mind - "daily practice" and "stacking habits". These are my current friends on this life long journey to be less cluttered.
10
I would rather see a mildly cluttered space than one of those monochromatic, empty, soulless spaces dedicated to giving no clue to the interest or life of the inhabitants. They may not be cluttered, but they are as warm and welcoming as a dentist’s or law office. Only business happens here, folks. No intimacy invited or desired.
59
We’ll, yes. However it is not either/or. I believe one can have a warm, orderly, artful home, that inspires a feeling of welcome, emotional strength (rather than stress) and comfort. Cold, sterile and lifeless isn’t the the alternative to disorganized and cluttered. IMHO.
78
@Sheri Lynn
A very nice woman, smart too, came over on the way to a movie, and saw my living room.
She said, "So you're one of those people who still read books!"
That was really all I had to hear.
37
I couldn't agree more. Who wants to live in a home decoration magazine?
21
Hoarding can be a symptom of illness and depression, not necessarily the cause.
38
@Dave hoarding could also be a symptom of a creative mind.
26
@Dave
my mother age 92 recently died & I had to clear out 70 years of hoarding - since I then owned the house. My father 10 years ago died & the rescue squad had to go through tunnels to get him off the floor onto a stretcher out the door which was blocked.
Every letter from my father sent in WWII & every card, photo clothes kitchen cabinets full, counters & 6 dressers stuffed & 3 bedrooms so full you couldn't open the doors.
I had Covid from the flight there & spent 2 weeks by myself with a friend driving to local Goodwill -10 trips in a van FULL & pride myself knowing nothing went in a dumpster or landfill.
We had an auction & sold all - including an attic full of childhood toys, grandparents papers, clothes, WWII items etc. not to mention a 2-car garage packed to the gills with 1950s lawn chairs, baskets, tools, magazines, + 2 sheds full.
I left home at 18, and lived elsewhere all my life including Berlin 1990-2000 & sent back only 3 boxes of clothes, books & artwork . I've mostly lived out of backpacks & need only life's essentials & artwork, laptop but have no unnecessary objects in my life.
Memories & experiences are life NOT objects...
Buddhist moral of story- Attachment (of any kind) causes Suffering ~
5
..creativity and clutter do not go hand in hand. That is a myth- most of my artist friends are neat, well organized and successful!
2
I have the potential to become a serious hoarder. I inherited beautiful things, some very valuable, I'm on the computer all day for work, and thus resist Kindles or reading for pleasure from a screen, and believe I simply think better when writing things down. The result is closets and drawers filled with the beautiful things (although some are displayed and used), piles of books and magazines, and a rat's nest of scraps of paper piled around my keyboard.
But I've found some work-arounds: I rarely buy anything except food and wine, I periodically purge the reading materials, I check books out from the library, and I give things away. My most effective tactic is a word file I started, "Stuff to keep," which I've divided into "books from New Yorker purge of summer 2020," "hotels to try," etc. That file alone has saved me from insanity.
14
I find the accompanying photo appealing, cozy, interesting, not at all jarring. I wouldn't mind spending time there. It even looks organized.
34
“Cozy” was also the word which came to my mind in seeing the photo.
15
@Annette - I guess that shows how different people are. To me that photo looked crazy-making! Of course, I grew up with a hoarder and my second husband could have hoarding tendencies, so maybe I have hoarding PTSD.
5
The task is monumental. Late last month the landlord had a noticed attached to my apartment door. Replacement of Windows read the notice, the small windows in the bedroom only. The work is scheduled to begin in March, the window installers will need to enter your apartment to complete the work. In order to complete the work in a quick and tidy manner, we require your cooperation.
By March 1, 2022 remove all blinds, window covers, drapes from curtain rods, all furniture, plants and any other items away from your windows.
The hall entryway is crammed with extra supplies of stuff I bought at a good price due fears of pandemic related shortages. Toilet paper shortage is not my fear. A coatrack and boots. And the bedroom? Looks like a storage room, I am unable walk through it. Two covered racks of clothes, many that no longer fit, but still loved. A filing cabinet that contains papers and documents from past eras of my life, but the belief persists that someday I may need them for referral. I have three small storage lockers all crammed with plastic tubs and boxes of stuff. I have spent the past ten days just sorting through papers.
The difficulty I have with parting with some of my stuff is the regret. I have taken to consignment or vintage stores, items that can not be replaced and I received so little. I went back to retrieve or buy one dress but it was gone for good. It was from France and with an under slip that I had added. Twenty pounds less and it would have fit.
19
@S Sm
Upon much reflection I have decided to declutter and let go of it all. A few items I will try to sell, but the rest will go to charity. The papers and documents? Some I should keep as it may be needed if a tax claim is questioned.
2
@S SM
Try simply donating, and experience the gratification of giving to others. As well, the story of the dress which you tried to visit and re-buy, because it held a handmade slip, it is your attachment to things that is your barrier to decluttering. But the story, the memory stays. That’s the value.
Regard this: your landlord will evict you and all your things if he/she regards your lifestyle of over-attachment to things as a fire hazard.
The stories of attachment you (and I have) are an impediment, so make a journal, or phone pictures of objects, and let them go. Imagine a giant weight of objects leaving off your mind and place, and the relief. And keep the stories of beloved objects.
I sold two things on eBay, filled a large bag with clothes for the Good Will store, last week; there is more to do!
12
Posting under my son's name. Keep tax documents only so long as required by law, which may be for much less longer than you might think.
2
“We have taken our wants and been told they are needs,”
The root of most of American society's problems, today
43
I actually read this article because I was attracted to the photo of "clutter".
It reminded me of another photo from an article The Times just published about a library that was "people could not get enough of" on the internet. Here's the link:
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/15/style/richard-macksey-library.html?searchResultPosition=2
16
I thought at first it was the same picture. It is interesting, but not to live in. It would drive me mad.
5
Sheri Lynn,
Maybe it's the books.
Bibliphiles feel safe when surrounded by lots of books (this bibliophile does anyway).
But I agree that too much clutter is suffocating and I don't condone hoarding. :-)
20
We’ve had a turbulent 3 years that involved buying/selling 2 houses that were for a job relocation that ended up being lost and moving back to our hometown. In the process, we sold/gave away stuff we didn’t need and decluttered.
Our current home is small, tidy and filled with what we like. We’re not done yet but the stuff to prune is manageable.
Note to all - the kids don’t want grandma’s china 😎
35
@Bismarck Actually, your kids may not want grandma's china but somebody might. Fine china is making a comeback among Gen Xers, or whatever generation we're on.
8
@Bismarck There was a time when we had 24 sets of china. I sold it one piece at a time on Ebay. We saved 5 and use them every day.
5
Yes…kids don’t want grandma’s china…or probably anything else really. A friend once told me parents save their kids stuff because THEY want to save it. We apply value to inanimate objects…often because we tie it to the memory of a loved one.
8
Wow, I'm feeling so anxious just thinking about how to clear all "stuff" to downsize and sell this house.
8
My 1912 4 square bed and breakfast has no original closets. Taxes had to be paid for all door entries however small.
8
Watch "Hoarding, Buried Alive" on cable, and that will be your cure for temptation to clutter! Perhaps a bit bizarre, but scary!
7
@k richards I agree, many people seem to get their fear of "hoarding" and "clutter" from reality TV. But I don't watch TV at all!
8
@k richards Cluttered and hoarding are two very separate things. Not every human trait needs a stigma attached to it. Just like getting blasted occasionally doesn't mean you have a "problem", it just means you like to cut loose once in a while.
3
the photo shown with the article doesn't look like clutter to me, but rather an art installation.
13
I recently read a library book on organizing strategies for people with ADD that I've found very useful for dealing with mounds of paperwork/mail that accumulate. Being overwhelmed by the size of the entire task was often reason to not start at all.
- Pick up the top 5 pieces from a stack.
- Deal with this batch of 5 pieces, and then stop.
Some days I can do one batch of 5, some days I do many, some days I don't do any. I can keep up with current inflow, am making good progress chipping away at old stacks, and use this same '5 at a time' system for books, CDs, etc.
(The book is "ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life" by Judith Kolberg. )
22
I think the biggest problem with clutter is that it builds incrementally and insidiously over many years, so that only radical decluttering will be successful in getting rid of it.
It's a great metaphor for how rightwing clutter has invaded our policies over many years, so that now only radical decluttering is likely to succeed in freeing us from it.
It would be way better if there were some way to prevent incremental development of clutter—both personal and political—but that just doesn't seem to be a thing.
7
@Greg Shenaut Like they said in the article, the only way to avoid the incremental increase--and I've experimented with this myself--is to try really hard to limit what's coming in, or at least pair it with what's going out. The pandemic was really helpful for me in limiting stuff coming in.
11
@Greg Shenaut
Two ways:
First be or think poor. (Think poor would be to replace buying with saving).
The second ,move often . Cost of moving will encourage disposing things.
4
When my father passed away, my 5 siblings and I spent weeks clearing out the house he'd lived in for 50 years. It did not appear cluttered in the rooms he actually occupied but there was a lot of stuff elsewhere–papers from his time in the Army in 1942, a paint set from a course he'd taken in the 1960s, multiple sets of china, bald Barbies & limbless GI Joes, broken watches, dusty holiday decorations, old cancelled checks, carousels of slides, full file cabinets, etc. It was a huge project to get rid of enough stuff that a company could conduct an estate sale.
I resolved to purge my own home of whatever did not "spark joy" as they say. It felt good to do. I think I'm going to do another purge after reading this article.
26
In the early 1990s while visiting an elderly uncle in his senior living apartment, he asked me what I wanted to have after he died. He wanted to make sure I got it. I was speechless. We'd had a nice lunch, talked family history, I didn't know what to say! He persisted. I said, well, I like that solid cherry cabinet. He passed away of a heart attack in 1998. The management went looking for him when he had not shown up for breakfast. They found him sitting in an arm chair, dressed in a suit and tie, as was the standard for meals in the dining room. He was 93.
My siblings and I handled the distribution of his belongings (it was in writing); of our parents four bedroom house full of "stuff" (including a broken stereo in a closet from the early 70s), and another other elderly uncle's three houses full of "stuff." By 2008 I had decided I would never fill up my house with "stuff" but only keep those things, like solid cherry cabinets, which serve a practical purpose and are connected to people whom I've loved. My mothers' hundreds of paperback novels (all Agatha Christie novels and every 60s, 70s and 80s best seller fiction novel written) did not make the cut. (uh, that's not to say that books don't serve a purpose.) My sibling has a basement with thousands of books, stacks of books on the floor, even duplicates. He got that gene. I did too but I ignore it.
26
@ Frances
You write well.
8
For all we know, the wife stressed by clutter because of her husband’s expectations of a Leave it to Beaver home was perfectly happy with or at least blithely unaware of clutter when she was single.
Would like to see a more detailed description of the findings regarding (unmarried) college students.
10
Thanks, this article hit my bullseye, I should re-read it every day.
In the back of my mind the picture of my kitchen table with its rising mounds of unopened mail, shelves stuffed, boxes on the floor and other shelves of books & CDs in their thousands, 20+ years of calendars with the migraine days marked off, the monthly totals at the end of each month... never far from my thoughts.
My parents were hoarders, with only narrow pathways left to navigate through, in the many rooms of that large corner house in NJ suburbia accoutered with its piles of clothes (and who knows what else) which piles seemed to tower in memory's prison like forbidding cliff faces on both sides, which house I could never visit without a depressive episode that would last days (& anyway I wasn't welcome, what with my alternatively snide or despairing comments).
Anyway, I'm hoping to move and am completely freaked by the amount of work that will entail... but I'm trying not to be overwhelmed, living day by day, hour by hour, my focus not wide but narrow as can be: one square foot at a time. Of course I'm alone in this.
Any advice is appreciated.
12
@L.Braverman I'm a former closet designer and life long foe of clutter. May I suggest you invite a neutral friend over to help you objectively begin sorting. Start slow. Throw out the obvious unneeded items, the items never, ever used. Helpfully your assistant can help keep you focused and keep the emotion out of decluttering. I wish you the absolute best of luck!!!!
14
@L.Braverman
Best advice - get help. You could hire a professional or just a high school kid to help with the moving of boxes, etc. Or do you have a friend who would help? Having somebody else to share the work and keep you on track is a good idea. Scheduling set times to work is also usually helpful. I used to help people decutter and I always had them write out 1) why they wanted to do it and 2) what they thought was the best places to start. Very few people feel the same way for all their stuff. Start with the easy wins. Success builds upon itself.
11
About three months ago, I was in your position. Being a life long collector and then blindsided by a retinal tear (pun?), followed up by the covid lock down, and multiple surgeries at 73. Something clicked, and I started tossing, giving away and selling. I found that I enjoyed the process, and didn't think about a finish date just enjoying the process. Just start and maybe the rest will follow? Good luck!
22
The clutter I have in my home is directly related to the ease of acquiring things. Not that long ago, I (and you) had to go somewhere to buy a particular item. Ease of purchase and a few inner conflicts is the recipe for serious clutter and a diminished
bank account.
I'm working on it!
11
It is indeed all too easy to sit at home and buy things. However, you don't have to do it unless you're buying medication or other essential items. I bookmark webpages for things I want, then I don't buy them. I gives me time to consider the item and let the initial want diminish. I rarely go back to make an actual purchase.
4
@Barry Moyer. Not everyone buys things. I don't. JK is right in bookmarking web pages, so that you can go back and read the advertisement again. You can keep the reference material. You probably don't need any of those items.
We go to Goodwill 4 times a year. Living in a 1,500 SF home with no basement or attic means no hoarding. Prior to being married I lived in a 302 SF condo in downtown Portland. Easy to maintain and the electricity bill was $18 per month. Still own it and might live in it again upon retirement.
9
@Albecht
An electric bill at $18.00 a month???
Be still, my heart.
I'm guessing that was in 1960, right?
13
I'm fairly tidy. I put things away and deal with mail, laundry, magazines and dishes so they don't accumulate on horizontal surfaces. My spouse- not so much. Alas. To me, clutter represents unfinished work. Things I need to deal with and take care of, so it's hard to relax with piles. For my spouse, it doesn't really register as he is absorbed with something else. We make concessions to each other's tendencies and make it work.
9
@Hootin Annie - You could be describing my situation. I used to have a personal desire to have all my horizontal surfaces clear. Then after my husband died I got a new partner who is uncomfortable if he doesn't have anything he might need right out on the surfaces so he doesn't have to open a drawer or cupboard to get them. I also used to have my drawers and cupboards neatly organized, but he can't be bothered to learn where certain items "live," and instead just shoves things in drawers and cupboards wherever he can find space. Then the other day I heard him tell a friend I wasn't very organized. Whoa! Fighting words! Things are only unorganized because he defeats any organization system. Now that I realize he's blaming ME for HIS disorganization, it's time to fight this out.
8
@Rocky L.R. I lived in Hollywood in the early '80s. I wanted to get rid of an old IBM Selectric I'd hoarded, so I parked my little convertible on the street with the top down (in a sketchy neighborhood). A month passed. No one took it.
13
@Flyintheointment
Appeared to be a trap?
1
@Flyintheointment
is it still available?
6
@Flyintheointment I’m surprised no one stole your car.
Considering the environmental impact of a purchase has helped me cut down on acquiring stuff -- in addition to the thing, do I also want to be responsible for all the packaging and the manufacturing and transporting that the thing entails? Considering that bigger picture helps tip the scale to 'no.'
21
I noticed that the word “hoarding” was not used in the article. In my experience, clutter usually results from tendencies to hoard. Was avoidance of that word intentional?
We have become a society obsessed with collecting and accumulating stuff. There is a whole industry built around remote storage unit facilities. (Where is the one closest to you?) There were no purpose-built remote storage facilities 50 years ago.
12
@Cliff Because "hoarding" means filling the house with useless items like used aluminum foil and empty boxes. It doesn't mean having items that are useful or beautiful. Even having a lot of stuff isn't necessarily "clutter."
12
Difficult to live in a NYC apartment and not be in a situation where you need to move something to access another thing. Think: a line of books on a shelf behind other books. Or, a coffee table that needs to move every night as you take down your Murphy bed.
I have seen space and surfaces, however, in the apartments of other people and wondered how they do it. They do it at least two ways: 1) They have a second home somewhere that absorbs a lot of their stuff; 2) They pay for storage.
13
I grew up with a pack rat mother. Most of the time I was living at home my parents economic situation didn’t allow for her to accumulate much more than magazines and plastic food containers she reused. But, as their incomes improved her collections grew. And grew. Not a closet in their house wasn’t filled to the top with stuff. The unfinished portion of their basement was impossible to navigate.
I married a minimalist and we bought a very small 1920s bungalow (740 sq ft). Our rule was if you buy something, something else has to go. We renovated and added on to our house a couple years ago. 1600 sq ft now. At first I was excited to buy more furniture to fill the new spaces. Then I discovered all the years of minimalism have programmed me. We’ve been back in the house almost a year and I’m still working on fully furnishing it because buying stuff makes me anxious and uncomfortable. And I’m oddly okay with that.
26
Sounds to me as if the declutterers bear (and bare) more insistent insecurity about their living spaces than the happily cluttered.
13
@Frannie Zellman
I think you are right.
I feel far more anxious now, trying to "downsize" my household, that I did furnishing it.
It is hard to donate perfectly good stuff or watching it sell for a mere pittance in a garage sale that takes days to plan and conduct.
10
My grandmother had a mean-spirited personality (thank God I didn't inherit that from her). Instead I inherited her quest for a neat, tidy and organized house. Thank you Granny RIP.
13
If you are of a “certain age”, your loved ones will greatly appreciate it if you have not left them with a huge amount of items to wade through. Be thoughtful, go through your stuff now - before you are too old or infirm to do it.
56
@Concerned MD
I am going through the stuff this right now.
I was keeping up with the Joneses. I spent so much money over the years buying stuff that I "might" want or need for "events" in the "future".
It makes me sick how much money I wasted.
27
@JM
I used to teach a course on personal finance and I had a homework assignment called "Waste a $1000". You took a sheet of paper and wrote down something you bought but never used (wasted money) and next to it you wrote down what it cost. When you hit a $1000, you stopped. Things I learned:
1. since the students decided the item was a waste, there could be no argument that it wasn't a waste
2. Everybody underestimated the amount they spent. They never remember taxes or shipping & handling
3. I never had a student who couldn't hit the $1000 mark. As one women said, "I never even got out of the kitchen".
This exercise really helped my students think about how they spend money. But I think it will also help people from filling up their life with clutter
6
How can it be cluttered if you know where everything is.
12
My parents were very anti-clutter, especially my father who would simply throw away any errant item that wasn't where it was supposed to be. This did not rub off on my sisters: the oldest has a large apartment that I always itched to organize, except that it also reflects on her creative bent, and there was an oddly homey feel to the multitude of projects strewn about on every surface; the middle sister recognized her distaste with the piles of projects and papers she saved from her teaching days that had overtaken her condo, so she hired a professional to help her out of what she saw as a predicament; the youngest has obsessively purchased so much stuff over the years that she feels trapped—she would like to move to a different city—and can't see her way out of getting rid of all her stuff. I'm more like my parents. My possessions are numerous, as I like collecting things, but a collection can be arranged as a unit. My only clutter is unfiled papers and correspondence, but at least they're in relatively neat piles and in one room. For all this, I would still rather see the person in the things that they have, messy or organized, than a bland, soulless interior. BTW, I find the photo accompanying the article charming.
18
@lars
This photo looks like my husband's old home office (man cave) before my minimalist daughter came in and cleaned for three days.
The after photo was amazing.
That was 2 years ago.
Unfortunately it's back to cluttered.
Once a hoarder, always a hoarder.
4
I’m a minimalist; my husband is not. His den and workshop are what I consider a mess and are his to wallow in. The shared “public” parts of the house are kept to my minimalist standards so I can keep my sanity as a mess causes me to feel low-level anxiety. When purging possessions, I consider if someone else can make use of, or enjoy, an object or article of clothing. Guests at our cottage are to keep their “stuff” in their guest room, not strewn around the shared parts of the house. (They are also less likely to leave something behind if their possessions are all in one place.) I was somewhat traumatized emptying my parents’ house and will not do that to my children. It’s been amazing to discover that what was considered necessary and valuable 50 years ago when I was married, younger folks have no interest in. Coffee/tea sets, “good” dishes, anything silver, crystal hand-wash stemware; no, no, no. As for books, I’m a librarian and part of our training is learning how to “weed” a collection. I read so much I can’t possibly afford to buy all of the books I read. There’s no point in storing print copies, sad and lonely on a shelf, never to be opened and enjoyed by someone else. I now read and listen to books mostly electronically from my superb local library.
24
@Karen
During my years as a librarian, I've weeded 4 libraries (including one I didn't work at, but was hired to weed because the library director there couldn't bear to toss anything). Librarians too struggle to get rid of useless things because "somebody someday could use this" like a guide book from the 1970's to a country that no longer exist.
17
@Karen I am always so jealous of those people who inherited fancy china, silverware, or embroidered tablecloths. Neither my parents nor my in-laws had those.
8
I just wonder if there's a better way to think about this than the smug moralist denigration of "are his to wallow in." How about people are different? My partner has this attitude too, and it simply doesn't help us. I could simply say of her, "enjoy you symptoms," too. And so we now live separately, battling over what is really trivial.
5
My favorite sentence from this article telling many truths, is that we have been conditioned into believing« how a middle-class home should look and function »; in other words it should look ready for ‘House Beautiful’ & Co to come over and take pictures. I fail here but want to fail a bit less in future. Since the beginning of the Covid crisis, I buy so much less, especially clothing, and surprise, I miss nothing and there still is a lot I should get rid of. But this also has to do with the fact that it was (and still is) very difficult to separate from old clothes and now the wide leg jeans are fashionable again. However my maybe biggest motivation to clean up is that my son should not be overhelmed with all the possessions he’s not interested in, once his parents are gone.
21
My parents had a serious clutter problem. Then they had to deal with my grandmother’s clutter when she died. They slowly started reducing their clutter because they did not want their kids to have to go through the same frustration. Then they retired and decided to move to an area with higher housing costs. This meant downsizing. Suddenly realizing most of their stuff would not fit into their new home (and not wanting to move the last 5 decades worth of National Geographic magazines) they purged. I was ecstatic as I listened to dad grumble about how many loads he had to take to donation or the dump. Your children will deeply appreciate your efforts to declutter. Trust me.
23
@Marie
Why do we think our adult children want our stuff?
They want nothing except their American doll collection ($$$$).
3
@Jo - My mom scheduled her 3 adult children to come help her declutter on the weekend her neighborhood association had free dumpsters on site. My brothers and I, plus a niece, carted truck-load after truck-load to the dumpsters (the dumpsters were replaced the minute they got full). It wasn't long before we started having to prove to the people overseeing the dumpsters that we were all bringing stuff from the same resident's house. "NO ONE can have that much stuff!" we were told. But that's what 50 years of hoarding looked like.
My clutter-problem is archival papers and photographs; old letters from relatives (going back to the 1800s) old letters from presidents, emperors and other high powered historical figures, and thick bunches of manuscripts typed on old typewriters. I have no qualms getting rid of recent clothing, paperback books or « stuff » in general; all of it is too easily replaceable, but how does one get rid of the important, quality, things?
Added to that, I have saved my mother and grandmothers clothes from a time when the fabric quality of European-made clothing was incredible. I pity todays’ generation who have no idea what quality fabric feels or looks like; the internet online fashion stores are replete with buyers giving 5 stars for their purchased clothing in bad quality viscose which I would only wear to sleep in.
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@Broman
Have you talked to a museum or historical society about your items? Or ask members of your extended family? You might find someone who really wants the items. In my family, we had a old rocker from the mid 1800's. There were six children in the family - two didn't want it under any circumstances, two would have taken it because it had been in the family so long, and two did want it. Its now in the house of a member of the next generation.
17
Many libraries would welcome your truly historical documents.
12
@Broman Fashion institutes might be interested in older high quality fabrics.
3
I have already replied to a few comments and I have one of my own. I have a storage unit for $175 a month that is holding on to things I pull out once a year at best. This is what we've become and I am guilty. It’s disgusting. The past year I have donated boxes and boxes of items—mostly home decor that I have held on to in the hope of having a sizable house again one day. Yeah. That’s not gonna happen. I’m committing myself to resolving all this in the coming year. It’s just too much to handle. I want to be free to move around without the baggage. Good luck to anyone else out there in my situation.
33
@DA That's 2100 dollars a year; over 3 years, it's more than 6000. does that help? You can have a nice trip for 6000!
15
@Meighan Corbett
I know somebody who put her stuff in a storage unit in CT for a "temporary" move to FL. 20 years later, she was still paying for it. You do not want to think about how much money she spent to keep stuff that wasn't worth much when it went into storage and worth nothing after all that time.
13
My mother paid for a non-climate-controlled storage unit in the humid south for nearly 30 years. My brother and I drove out there to see what was there after she had a stroke. We couldn't even get into the unit, she had it so packed up. And of course the musty smell was overpowering. We abandoned everything in there. I had an entire house full of stuff to deal with and couldn't deal with this storage unit too. She paid many thousands of dollars to store what was ultimately trash. She could've gone on that cruise she always dreamed of.
4
One can get use to a certain amount of clutter, especially papers and notes, piled up. I write notes to ck certain things on the web, to read books or articles etc etc. And to deal with
clutter.
And I have Word documents with lists of articles to read. Will I do it?
What's stressful is when the building super has to come in to make a repair, and I have to make the apartment look more presentable.
I thought--- Yikes I shouldn't get use to this clutter, or I'll never tackle it. And I do have closet shelves available for storage. I write notes to just devote 1 hour a day to it! The notes are piling up.
I did put my desk papers in a bag at least. That's something. Now to sort them. So easy to procrastinate!
18
My husband and I have lived together for 49 years. A huge key to our relationship, including regarding our stuff, is we each believe the other is an intelligent, competent adult entitled to make decisions. Regarding household items, we make decisions together. We furnished a house, and lived in it for 35 years. We bought quality furniture we knew we'd keep long term. Over 5 years ago, we moved to another house. We kept most of our furniture. We did sell a few pieces not suited to our new house. Because we upsized, we bought a number of additional pieces. We also bought new light fixtures, doorknobs, and other hardware. We made most of the purchasing decisions together. We still do, though with minor items, one of us buys without input. Since our furniture is intended to last a lifetime, it's mostly things like buying a new skillet now and then (we both cook). We each buy our own personal items, such as clothing and tools, without the other person having any right whatever to dictate whether to buy or discard. However, the other person is always welcome to use the items; for example, we often read each other's books. We have always believed that we should each have our own space. We've always had separate bedrooms. I've always had a sewing room and my husband has always taken over the garage. Each person is welcome to do whatever they want in their own space. However, we very seldom criticize each other for leaving stuff in the shared parts of the house.
26
@Frances Grimble I will add that this is how my husband and I regarded my and his parents. We never tried to influence where they lived, what they bought, or what they discarded. We respected them and their ability to run their own lives. My mother-in-law was in a long-term care home for the last several months of her life, after a stroke that impaired her brain function. We left her house exactly as it had been and took her back for visits on request.
18
There are two very different kinds of problems here. The first is the question of how to de-clutter, asked by folks who want to do it. The second problem is much deeper and usually intractible -- how to get someone to de-clutter who does not want to because he or she does not acknowledge any problem. I'd love to see some suggestions for how to address this second problem, which is mine.
17
@burfordianprophet
Do you mean that you are trying to convince somebody else to de-clutter?
It's hopeless unless they will go to therapy. Literally hopeless.
We lived it in our family. Not only is nothing ever thrown away, but new things are constantly acquired.
Spare yourself the angst.
23
@burfordianprophet
I actually don't think you can get an adult to declutter if they don't want to. I think it depends how far they've gone. I've watched a few episodes of Hoarders and even faced with court orders or evictions they can't do it. I know someone with a husband with a clutter problem. Their marriage is still OK because he keeps the junk in a couple of rooms. I also know a woman who divorced her husband and the endless mess was a big part of it.
6
@burfordianprophet it’s really hard. My mother in law can’t throw anything away. There was an empty plastic bag (from a grocery store) on the floor in her dining room and I picked up because I was worried about her slipping on it. She told me to put it back on the floor, the cat slept on it.
You can’t overcome this….
15
The final paragraph is key. The reason we have clutter is we acquire too much stuff. Whether we get it for free, on sale, at the thrift store or at Target, we just accumulate way too much stuff. It’s no secret that the advertising industry and Wall St deliberately sought to create a culture of consumerism since World War II. We are a nation that has too much stuff and we have to buy books by Mari Kondo to figure out how to get rid of it. So much of our American wealth is wasted on stuff we don’t need, while people around the world live in poverty and hunger.
36
I believe there's something to the idea of not touching an item when uncluttering. Except, if using the KONDO method, how do I properly say goodbye to an item without touching it?
10
@Molly Bloom ... don't be silly. Just pick it up and throw it into the Goodwill bag or box.
Marie Kondo is part of the problem. Her book about decluttering was 100 pages long and it could have been one page. Then she came out with a workbook and some other books. Now people's houses are filled with books about decluttering. It's idiotic.
Here's the method. Save yourself the $20 to $40 you're giving Kondo for doing what your own common sense can tell you to do.
Is it useful? Do you need it?
If no, toss it.
If yes, keep.
Rinse and repeat.
With all due respect, you're just looking for an excuse not to do it. You touched it when you bought it. You can touch it when you give it away. In fact, touching it is part of the process. You can FEEL the weight of your obsessive collecting that way. Feeling all that junk going away will make you feel lighter and happier.
13
@earthling
I see that my attempt at humor failed.
4
You don't have OCD so you don't understand. Things that are easy for you are impossible for others without meds and therapy. Folks w autism sometimes have this trait as well.
1
This reminds me of something George Carlin once said: "Home is where you put your stuff while you're out getting more stuff!"
22
@loislane I think he was right, but now we do not even have to leave the house. I can sit in my recliner and order stuff online and have it delivered to my home, where I’ll move some stuff to make room for new stuff.
15
@Luisa - I just learned that an elderly neighbor is struggling to have enough money to pay her bills and buy food, etc. But about every other day, an Amazon or Fed Ex truck drives up with another package for her.
1
@MegWright. I have a neighbor like that, too. She doesn't want anyone to help her by managing her checkbook.
I'm finding new, large volumes of clutter on my desk and it took me a few weeks to figure out why. Today I re-read the 7 notes on my desk: 6 were things I had already phoned about that nobody (businesses) had responded to, after more than a week. One was something I had put off, as being not interesting, though necessary. One chore feels far less arduous than 7. I still have to make duplicate phone calls next week again, which feels like a serious waste of my time.
5
@Times online It helps to just have a running to-do list on scratch paper, rather than separate notes all over.
2
I thought I'd throw in my opinion as an
Occupational Therapist who has done hundreds of home visits with patients prior to discharge from Rehabilitation facilities. I have seen all different houses of all different people. So my professional observations have lead me to believe that clutter/hoarding can be very dangerous especially for the elder!y, newly or already disabled. As OT's we just want to keep people safe.
especially for the elderly, newly or already disabled.
can be very dangerous veroux
11
@dakota49 Not as long as the stuff is not piled all over the floors.
1
@dakota49 Only if it's on the floor, I assume.
@Frances Grimble I have seen stuff in piles up to the ceiling so yes it started on the floor & can eventually possibly fall on someone. Stuff in piles on countertops have also somehow wound up on the floor. I'm not taking about clutter hanging from the ceilings :)
4
Neat, clean, and organized stuff is fine. It is dust, dirt, and messiness that makes it stressful.
17
@Edwin I’ve always said that Martha Stewart is basically a hoarder, albeit rich and with good taste.
5
My wife simply cannot throw anything out. "We might need it!" When she leaves the house, I place things we have not used for months/years in bags and stash them out of site. After a few weeks when she has not noticed their absence, I carry the bag to the garbage. This usually works.
Sometimes it doesn't. "Where is that t-shirt from Costa Rica? What did you do with it? I've had that shirt since 1988!"
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@Marscat When my son left for college, I still had socks in my drawer that I’d worn in college. I still need to clean out that drawer.
4
@Marscat I have papers I wrote in college (I’m 69 years old). They’re in French and I probably couldn’t even understand them today! But I love them. They represent who I was way back when. I really don’t want to leave all this for my children to sort thru, but it’s hard to let go. I have boxes, BOXES of photos dating back to the 70s and those of my parents dating back to the 30s. One of these days…
9
@Marscat This is not a healthy way to conduct a relationship. Spouses need to trust each other.
6
To me, having physical clutter is not all that unlike any other type of unhealthy distraction, be it compulsive shopping, drinking, drugs, etc. Either way it's people who are incapable of being alone with their (at times, possibly unpleasant) thoughts...who don't do well with stillness of the mind, or feelings of discomfort.
While my apartment is not cluttered, I am very aware of the fact that every single of my possessions is another 'thing' for me to clean...another thing for me to pack up when I move...another thing for my family to tend to when I die. So I am forever considering every one of my possessions and asking 'do I really need this?'. For me, purging is an ongoing process. While one can have too much stuff, one can never have too little (assuming it was a choice).
Every time I get rid of another possession, I feel better. (And BTW, I never get rid of things by simply tossing them into the garbage. Every item that could potentially be used by someone else, I find a way to either sell it or donate it/Freecycle it.
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@Lisa I am AMAZED at all the psychological problems arbitrarily assigned to people who have lots of stuff. No, I don't have stillness of the mind at home because I am busy reading my books and working on my projects. But, what exactly is wrong with reading books or creative projects?
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@Frances Grimble
"arbitrarily assigned"??
Are you actually reading the comments? People are writing about their problems with clutter, about the stresses they are feeling, asking for suggestions on how to get rid of the stuff, wondering why they keep doing what they know is bad for them, talking about the problems of living with a person who values stuff so much or dealing with 50 years of accumulated stuff from their parents. Yet you smugly dismiss everything they are saying and feeling because it doesn't fit into your world view. What is really going on here?
6
@Frances Grimble
nothing!
3
I am guilty of keeping article, magazines, etc. because I feel that I am throwing out knowledge. I dint feel that way about books though.
Anyone else have this problem?
8
@chris
I've know many people who feel the same way. I tell them to organize the materials into binders (you'll get rid of tons of stuff) or to keep only what can't be replaced (and with today's databases at public libraries, just about anything can be replaced.)
8
@chris I don't subscribe to anything I don't read. I subscribe to two print speculative fiction magazines. I read them as soon as they arrive, then my husband reads them at his leisure. I also subscribe to three online speculative fiction magazines. I print out the stories and save them in three-ring binders. Our house is large and was optimized for storage in various ways, by a series of owners. One of them lined a long wall of the garage with metal cabinets, and that's where we put the magazines and binders. I also subscribe to three academic journals that focus on textiles and costume. They are in bookcases in my sewing room (along with a great many other books on the same subjects). And: I print out quite a few things that I find useful for sewing projects. Some articles, but a great many inspirational photos from eBay and other sites. And things like glossaries of sewing terms in other languages. I print those out and put them in three-ring binders. Most are also in my sewing room, but the current binder I am filling out is always in my home office, which otherwise doubles as the speculative fiction library. (Other rooms contain other categories of books.) I don't see this as a problem.
6
@Frances Grimble
OK, but @chris DOES see it as a problem. That's why she/he wrote in, asking for suggestions on how to solve what she/he sees it as a problem.
6
When our widowed mothers died, I became aware of how worthless most things we accumulate are. Their kids and grandkids took some things out of respect but really only wanted about 5% of the stuff, namely jewelry and coins.
In retirement, I have volunteered in a thrift shop. People would be shocked at how much donated stuff we can't sell. We have downsteam charities we give too, but they are complaining that they get too much now too. Thrift shops and other charities don't have the space or the manpower to deal with all the stuff.
I don't buy much now. I give my grandchildren oodles of love, time and attention and write checks for their college fund. I have de-cluttered my house so my kids don't have to when I am gone. Things don't make us happy anyway.
54
@My 2 Cents Buying used was once the way to get by financially early in life, or even later. Now, despite pretending to care about the environment, many people are in search of the Instagram-worthy home, clothes, and everything else. They don't want to buy used, even at low cost. They want cheap, disposable furniture and fashion. Disposable, so they can just replace anything the minute it is not trendy.
11
@My 2 Cents Yup. When you think of how many families rent literal 'dumpsters' into which to toss most of the possessions of say a recently-departed family member, it's literally stomach-churning. But this is how we've been taught to live, thanks to consumerism. Supposedly 'things' make us happy. Supposedly things prove to others how 'successful' we are.
As to Francess' comment on folks buying new vs used, thankfully, there is now a large number of people (including younger generations) who are embracing all things used, not only as a way to help save the planet, but because they understand you can generally find things that are more unique, and better made.
The NYT just had a whole story on how big the second-hand clothing market has become. See link below. Also consider how popular sites like TheRealReal.com have become, and which sells second-hand designer clothes...
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/03/style/malaysia-secondhand-clothing-grailed-etsy-ebay.html
9
@Lisa By the time most people die, they have a houseful of furniture and various other possessions, not necessarily junk. But also by that time, their children are usually adults and have their own housefuls of stuff. Even if the person who died was a minimalist, they still have a houseful of furniture, a kitchen full of appliances and cookware, dishes, at least one closet full of clothes, and more. My mother-in-law was a minimalist by nature. She really hated shopping. She still had a houseful of stuff. My brother-in-law needed a new dining room set and he took hers. My husband and I took her set of Heath stoneware. Various bedding and cookware went to the both of them. Other than that, yes we had to have one weekend of garage sale and another weekend of giveaways. Because, whenever someone dies the executor (my husband in this case) has to clear out their stuff. It's just what happens. Always.
15
I love my uncluttered, neat, very clean and tidy home. We have very few books (love my iPad!) but do have a few good ones. We have great art on the walls (IMO), some beautiful pieces we've purchased on travels, and of course, framed photos of loved ones and families here and there. My husband, being an interior designer, is the one who always insisted on beauty and function. I followed suit. To each his own but also remember that dirt=bacteria=disintegration of your home over many years, lowering the resale value immensely and is most people's biggest investment. Additionally, if you have children, don't do that to them. We watched a neighbor's son order a dumpster and take everything out of her very cluttered home (after she went into care) and throw it all out. It still took him a week. He went through very little, all went in the trash. It was sad but wow, I certainly couldn't blame him.
20
@Hooty B Having a lot of stuff doesn't mean you don't do home maintenance! Or, if you have deferred something, that you can't fix it before sale. Most people do some work before sale anyway.
2
@Hooty B That sounds like something my son would do. I have envisioned him loading a truck and taking everything to the dump.
I told him recently that I’d read online about a son who was the executor and directed the family to take what they wanted and then he called a charity and told them they could take everything that was left, but not just a few choice pieces — everything. He liked that idea.
6
@Luisa The charity won't do that. My mother-in-law was a minimalist, but all her furniture was high quality and chosen by decorators. After she died, my husband and his brother called every single local charity. None of them wanted *any furniture at all*. It was "sorry, we already have too much furniture."
6
Then there is the opposite of the cluttered home, the one that is so spartan and minimalist that it could be mistaken for a hotel. The Europeans think that the Americans have a penchant for perfectionism that extends to the home environment. But, if Americans have clutter, it is probably because they have, in general, too much stuff. That said, I believe that one can never have too many books.
26
@Moso Most books are never reread. I have 5 book cases in 3 rooms, and decided that is my limit. If one is kept, another must go to a good home. The complete Shakespeare, hard to find volumes, some gift books, a few from childhood, and books from travels stay. There are about 50 "to be read" books. Most college text books are outdated. Novels can be had on a day's notice from a public library. Save space and trees by reading from library. Love a book enough to share it.
11
@M.R. Sullivan Whether a person rereads books depends on the person! And: my husband and I share our library. We often read the same books, but years apart. I have quite a number of scholarly books that are hard to obtain even a couple of years after publication and that are available only via interlibrary loan. Which is not free. Last, I've never liked libraries--I want my books at hand. Especially while sheltering at home during a pandemic, which my husband and I have done since March 2020. And which it looks like we will have to do for the forseeable future. Our library has been a great asset.
14
@Moso
"I believe that one can never have too many books."
I used to believe that until I had to move. I now passed along/donated any book that can be easy to get from the library (and God Bless the Little Library movement). I keep some non-fiction (especially if I've written notes in it), some "how to" books, some Sci-Fi from when I was a teenager, and a few favorite novels. For all the other books, its borrow and return to the public library.
5
Clutter is asymmetric. To me my wife’s Christmas ornaments used only once a year stashed in several storage spaces, our never used wedding place settings, and store bought bric a brac are all clutter. To her the books I love to reread, tools my family has used over the years, and my slide rule are all clutter. There’s a part of me that would like to begone with it all.
8
Now if you had a circular slide rule, that sounds like clutter. There’s nothing one of those can do that my HP12c can’t go better. If I can still find the batteries for it…
4
I find in my many years living on this planet people who have cluttered homes tend to be more interesting. If their homes smell bad or are dirty this policy for the most part this finding still holds.
My 56 year old marriage, husband now deceased, came from a cluttered and some what dirty home. He became an engineer and during his long career became a nuclear test engineer working on our countries new submarines. We lived in different parts of the country and i would say we had a long, interesting, sometimes testy, relationship. I would not change much if we had to do it all over.
I did manage to keep our cluttered homes down to a sane level and ended up myself going to college, writing poetry, and seeing it published internationally.
It's been a good life and if there's an after life our dwelling will be at least somewhat cluttered. I wouldn't have it any other way.
39
@Nightwood Yes--to me and my husband, our home is a workspace for various sorts of projects. The books I write, the clothing I design and sew, his DIY projects, the books we read. The things we create and learn. Our home is not a museum or store display, nor is it for the benefit of anyone else. And we feel no need for total control over our environment.
25
@Frances Grimble
If you are using it, then its not clutter. Only each person can decided it they are actually using it. I once had a lot of Christmas decorations and I used them all once a year. But then I realize that I was using less and less each year. When I was moving this summer, I asked myself if I thought I would use these items in the new place. The answer was "no". I gave everything to my student worker who was very happy to get them. Win - Win.
13
@sjs My husband and I have never had a Christmas tree or ornaments. We don't have kids, and we are not religious. We exchange gifts but the holidays are not a big deal. Nor have we ever had ornaments for any other holidays. It's nice make a fancy dinner for our relatives, though. I mean, before the pandemic when we were able to do that . . .
2
Three years ago I decided to spend a year or two living on the road in an Aistream travel trailer. I started the process of "downsizing" - relatively easy for me as a single, retired career military officer who was required to move every couple of years fo decades - but still a chore that took me the better part of a year.
After 18 months in the Airstream I sold it and settled into a (relatively) 'palatial' 400 SF tiny house. My stuff didn't come close to filling it. Still doesn't. Clutter is, as the essay notes, stress-inducing and disorienting.
My goal is to ensure those who are in the disagreeable position of getting rid of my stuff following my death have no more than a couple of hours of work.
To maintain this lightness, I try to be very deliberate and intentional about what I buy - and always (in an age of instant gratification) enforce a 24 hour or longer waiting period before purchase.
And yes, I buy toys as well as necessities. It works.
22
@Stephen Chamberlin
An Airstream is simply an excuse to buy a Hensley hitch.
2
Reading this article and the comments sent me directly to the fridge clean out some stuff in the door!
Everything in my home has its place and generally lives there, but I recognize in myself a tendency to put off decisions about getting rid of things, or to not think about it. I have gotten better over the years, largely because I don't accumulate much new, spending a great deal of time reflecting before I buy anything other than food or essentials. I sew and knit and am generally artistic and I keep those supplies, but fortunately also am strict with myself about acquiring anything new. I'm working my way through old projects at the moment.
I read an article once that linked acquisition and clutter with a focus on scarcity, and the trick being to convince yourself that there will be enough when you need it. Of course that is not true for everyone. I used to think that that was what was going on with me - a fear of scarcity, given that I had a tumultuous childhood with a terminally ill parent. As an adult, however, I am a non-linear thinker, respected at work for being able to come up with creative solutions that no one else sees, and able to quickly define what is important and what is not. So a part of me wonders if this is just me and that we try to turn everything into a pathology. Clearly, I've absorbed some of the shame and guilt we try to put on people about not living in a showroom, although my space is perfectly clean.
18
One of the biggest strains in my marriage was the different attitudes my husband and I had toward "clutter." I can't stand it. He didn't notice it. I'm now divorced. My home looks like a hotel room, and I like it that way. I can't live with clutter. I do have personal mementos, photos, my computer, books, etc. around on tabletops, bookcases and my desk, but not in a "clutter" way. Everything is neat and tidy. I couldn't sleep at night otherwise. I go through the mail every day and toss away anything I don't need. Important papers are filed away in labeled boxes for easy identification. I make the bed and wash the dishes every day. Clutter makes me nervous and tense. I don't know where this need for neatness comes from, but I've always had it. Even as a child, my bedroom was in order, my toys kept out of sight. Some people can live with clutter. Some can't.
37
@Ms. Pea
Wait a minute; is washing the dishes and making the bed every day now unusual? ;-) I wash the dishes several times a day, right after the meal, and make the bed in the morning before dressing. It helps that I'm a widow man with simple tastes living in a one bedroom apartment and I already went through several downsizings---from a big house to a significantly smaller condo, to a smaller apartment on the beach and then to full time living in a motorhome and now an apartment. I once used Altec Lansing A5 motion picture theater speakers in my stereo, now I use chinless little English box speakers.
7
@Ms. Pea There are extremes and neither is healthy. I need color and something beautiful to look at and a good book to soothe or stimulate me. I don’t think I could survive if my home was like a sterile hotel room. Clutter to me, is the distracting, unnecessary stuff that builds up over time.
8
Interesting piece but incomplete - there are many reasons this can be such a huge issue for couples. My wife and I were raised differently: she came from a family of 6 kids with a lot of stuff everywhere and a mom who was easy-going about all of it, partly because Dad never helped with house stuff. I was raised in a family of 3 kids with a mom who was a good housekeeper and a dad who always helped out. I have a need for order: my desktop is organized, my clothes are, my kitchen is. We had to move my wife's desk to another part of the house because her stuff kept migrating to my desk, the floor, etc. For her, shoes on the floor become part of the decor. I have OCD, she has ADD. I notice everything out of place, she might not notice golf clubs on the kitchen table. The clutter causes me constant stress because it never seems to end - we have dealt with this issue for 35 years. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, precipitated by my beloved mother-in-law's death in November: my wife is in charge of the probate process and getting a 4500 sq. ft. house cleared out. Last night she said: "I want us to get rid of stuff - I don't want our kids to have to do what I'm in the middle of at Mom's house." I agree. But I can't claim to be a minimalist: I am as attached to some of my stuff as she is to hers for a lot of the same reasons cited in this piece. But my stuff is organized, which secretly causes me to feel superior, and I'm not. In the end, I need to let go, too.
52
If the study focused on LA parents then clutter is inevitable - average LA house is probably 1200 sq ft and people still want to live the lives they had in the midwest or latin america or wherever with lots of automobiles, furniture, possessions, etc.
9
For us, clutter is not an overabundance of stuff, it is a busy life. For instance I am currently reading two books and two magazines, working on a paper NY Times crossword puzzle, my wife and I are working on a jigsaw puzzle which consumes an entire table top, I keep my camera handy, mounted on a tripod near a window, in case an interesting bird shows up in our yard, we have two laptops (his and hers) open all the time on another table, reading glasses everywhere because you can never find them when you need them, and lots of art momentos from all over the world hanging here, there, and sitting on top of bookshelves all stuffed with cherished books that we could not bear to part with.
You may call it clutter, I call it a life worth living.
56
@Scott "You may call it clutter, I call it a life worth living.
Beautifully said!
22
I don’t have a clutter problem …I have a room that I designate as “the Library,” or “the junk room,” or the “storage room.” It’s the smallest of my three bedrooms and only the trusted have access. My housekeeper, of course, because that’s where all the cleaning supplies are. All of my over-sized pots and pans are there, too, along with extra wine glasses and the like. The closet was empty until every time my long distance boyfriend came to visit, weeks on end, left more and more of his clothes…there is a wooden stand with piled on comforters and bedspreads… and an ironing board so full of boxes of photographs the iron has forgotten it’s purpose. The wall-to-wall and ceiling-to-floor bookshelves are crammed and stacked and piled with 50 years of everything you always wanted to know about anything.
The rest of my three bedroom, two bath townhome is a pristine visual treat…its decor a reflection of my extensive travels. I enjoy walking out of my clutter knowing there’s visual peace, memory and comfort just an open door away.
11
@Ardyth SHAW
That’s a huge luxury. My house would be neat and tidy too if I had an entire extra room to put things in for storage.
13
@Elizabeth Yup. See my comment somewhere in here about NYC apartment living. But I'd rather put up with the small space and have NYC (my hometown) on my doorstep than live in a giant house surrounded by more giant houses where I'd need a car to pick up a bunch of cilantro.
6
I think everything would depend on the meaning of the objects to the homeowner. My apartment is stuffed with my books, art supplies, wonderful clothes, and artwork everywhere. I love being surrounded by everything.
Is my stuff better than someone else's? Of course, no.
When I saw the lead-in photograph, I thought an interesting person might live in that house.
I have been in the homes of a couple of real horders in my life. It's not pretty. I could barely walk between the mountains of stuff. The level of grime is not healthy. That's something different.
37
@Saba I agree. My idea of clutter is the unnecessary stuff that accumulates. I have lots of books and art I wouldn’t part with.
Years ago, I went to a very clingy boyfriend’s house and was appalled. It looked like no one lived there — no books, no art, no photos. No coffee cup in sight. It was spotless, but deadly boring. a bit of ‘clutter’ would have been an improvement.
15
My mother grew up poor and so as a consequence had a habit of saving just about everything. Yet our home was very clean and uncluttered-I still can’t figure out how she did it!
I was very minimalist in my 20’s and early 30’s. I got married to a wonderful person who grew up in clutter and chaos. I had to give up the minimalism.
We’re older now and both long for a clutter-free/clean place, but are so busy with our jobs and serious outside interests that we basically gave up.
It’s at a point where we can’t imagine getting the place together. It doesn’t help that the place is run down. Luckily we are very happy, but I would love to know what it feels like to have a clean and uncluttered place. We probably have higher cortisol levels than we’re aware of, and would benefit.
20
@duanna I must confess that I have some clutter, but I live in a four-room, two bath condo with no garage or attic.
I was recently wondering how my mother kept our large New England house completely free of clutter. I think she did the dishes and whisked the newspapers away as soon as they had been read. Nothing was ever out of place.Then it dawned on me: we had several closets downstairs and an attic and cellar to store things. When we were kids we used to go up to the attic and look at the “old-fashioned” clothes our parents had worn. They had storage space! Many of us have to learn to live uncluttered without out-of-sight space.
16
@duanna
if you are at all helpable
dana k white will help you
she is a friendly cozy genius
https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/book/#restofus
4
@duanna If your mother grew up poor, she probably did not buy later the unnecessary stuff. I had the same experience, I never throw out useful things (I may donate them), I buy very little, I like to repair what I have if possible.
1
The great E.B. White wrote, "I am impressed by the reluctance of worldly goods to out again into the world." Exactly!
14
I have a large furnace room which my wife describes as a disordered room of junk yet I can go into that room and in a few minutes come out with an item that my wife insisted we never had.
19
Speaking of 1950’s ideals, women are referred to twice as “wives” and men never as “husbands”. A subtle reinforcement that women culturally exist in relationship to other and not for themselves, whether that “other” be clutter or spouse.
63
The gender part of this article makes me sick. Women doing all the work, having all the stress. Business as usual in our sexist society.
40
Just read the book “Form and Emptiness” by Ruth Ozeki. It includes a main character who hoards and it is beautifully written. With tons of compassion. Nonetheless the dysfunction is clear. Highly recommended. Makes you want to sort through any and all items taking up space in your home.
20
@Erika Eichenberger
Decluttering computers and hard drives is tedious. Finally, I deleted lots of teaching material I had written but would never use again.
Oh jeez, how boring. My kitchen table is cluttered with junk, and my beds with laundry. Fine with me. It's not trash, like you see in the "Hoarders" shows on TV that I cannot watch anymore, because they are too gross.
People find my cluttered house comfy. Honestly, I could vacuum and dust more. Well, I'll just hire Molly Maids.
23
Stuff can be sticky, sticky with memories, regret, joy. But you really should take care of your own stuff, not leave it for others for whom it’s only an unwanted burden most likely. That said, it will probably cost quite a lot to mail those baggies full of foreign coins, many no longer in use, to UNICEF. Maybe I’ll just leave them in a drawer somewhere.
12
@Doug McLaren Coins with copper content work well to keep algae out of bird baths. I've got coins from three countries in various bird bathes right now. I have no idea what you can do with the rest of those foreign coins, bummer.
13
@Doug McLaren
Bring the coins to the airport! Some airports have donations bins for extra currency for a good cause.
12
@Nicole All the international flights I've been on have had donation envelopes for your foreign currency.
1
Take one well ordered home. Add one brain injury. Toss in 25 years. Throw in a friend who puts your things in order, because you can't. Pay attention as this is done. You'll never find these things again. Consider the sleep difficulties from that brain injury so many years ago. Be aware of decades of meditation practice. Read an article on how clutter is caused by stress. Note the effect of reading on your ability to think. Read how some people avoid clutter, others have found salvation by clearing it up, and a few celebrate living in it, while an undetermined number drown beneath it. Note that the last group did not send in a comment. Consider how the article says that it (the article) will make a difference. Be grateful that you are able to take a tea kettle, fill it with water from the faucet, and a flame... and put them together in a way that results in boiling water. Boil some water. Make tea. Place the article about clearing up clutter to one of the many piles of things all around you. Remember to offer gratitude to the people who think they can help. Think about if they have always been able to think. Turn out the light. Go to sleep.
57
Growing up, my home was chaotic and cluttered, and my single mother struggled to keep us housed and fed. I was always deeply embarrassed when people would come over and see the mess, because I felt they could see our poverty and was shamed by that. Ever since I moved out at 17 I have kept a neat and tidy living space. I manage things at work the same way - orderliness is my calling card. No doubt this can be annoying to others. But it won't ever change. Ordering my world is how I cope with uncertainty. Plus I can find stuff quickly. My husband is another story...
20
@JSW -- My sister had a chaotic marriage and a life that was unpredictable. Her husband was in and out of jail, their income unreliable. Her home was neat as a pin. They moved often, usually quickly and suddenly to avoid paying the rent. But she had the new one organized and everything put away in no time. I think she needed this order to offset her messy and uncertain life. Her home was the one thing she could control and bring to order.
17
One way to get rid of a lot of stuff is to not only move but to move to a different country. Four years later I have realised there's still lots I didn't need to bring and I classify myself as borderline minimalist. Now I don't accrue anything surplus to requirements. Once you have seen your home dismantled and the contents sold for very little or gone to Goodwill, you don't ever want to repeat the experience.
17
@Laura P -- My best friend retired to Mexico and had a similar experience. She downsized from a large house where she raised her family to just a few suitcases and boxes. She's lived in furnished, rented condos in Puerto Vallarta ever since and is thinking of moving to another area of Mexico. She can be ready to move again in just a couple of hours. She loves her retirement. She's made me realize how few objects we actually need to live a life of contentment.
15
If I thru away everything I did not use in 5 years, I would
be shopping and buying those things again. My folks
lived thru the depression, that definitely had an impact on me.
Watched my dad do all his own home maintenance, many
things can be reused and useful. I don't know how many
times I have gotten "rid" of something and shortly after could
of used it.
I guess the newer way of doing things is to just call someone
to fix things.
10
I'm a dealer in historical and cultural ephemera in all areas — science, literature, art, etc. In my field, we dealers joke about who has the most cluttered living space. Most of us engage in what we call strategic cluttering, otherwise know as inventory acquisition. We dream we're like Scrooge McDuck lolling in is swimming pool filled with cash as we daily push our way through the mounds of documents, photographs, letters, maps, prints, and other materials. There's a golden nugget in there somewhere, we keep telling ourselves. Accommodation with clutter is essential to the business. Talk of decluttering is a nonstarter as a topic of conversation. Here's the test of whether you qualify as a ephemera dealer or bookseller: If the photo at the head of this article excited and intrigued you rather than made you uneasy, you qualify. When I looked at the photo, my first thought was, "What's the problem." It took me a while to get the relationship between the photo and the subject of the article. You haven't seen clutter until you see how many of us ephemera and book dealers live.
29
@Henry Berry All my furniture is antiques or reproductions (Amish, especially bookcases). Anyone who collects antiques knows that the same thing cannot be readily replaced at Walmart.
5
Great. Now that I am retired, decluttering arrived at the same time. I was planning to actually have some time to enjoy my 6,000 LPs, 6,000 CD's, 400 DVDs, and 2,500 Books, 300 magazines, and boxes (10) of saved articles for a second time. I also have several hundred Times Science Times articles from the last 30 or 40 years . There are 200 unfolded copies of Rolling Stone (& Interview) from the late 60's & 70s, the whole magazine was about music from the ads, articles, and reviews...so much great music came out during my adolescence. There were early financial records, even my first pay stubs; it is humbling to see what a bi-monthy check brought me after taxes, all got shredded. I also found my first Wabash College semester bills; $4,000 per semester. Don't throw out any box without going through it envelope by envelope; because out of a foot of them there will be something quite important that needs to be saved. I have been going through 6 boxes of cards and gotten them down to 2 boxes; saving each one that had a personal message written on it. Two were from my parents thanking me for assisting them during their retirement. It brought me to tears and it made it all worth while. I've also saved my concert ticket stubs. I also kept 8' to 10' of photographs preserved in binders; as I was the families photographer. So, when decluttering, don't cut down to the bone; otherwise we may become dust in the wind...to ourselves. Steven Pettinga, Indianapolis.
39
I laughed when I read some of those justifications for keeping stuff. My father’s collection was visible in satellite photos. He’s been dead for 7 years but there’s still things to let go of.
10
I am a declutterer by nature. My one relative with a hoarding tendency and depression is the opposite. The clutter seems to soothe him, and any attempts to assist him with organizing, streamlining, reducing even the trash and expired items, seems to upset the tranquility for him. For me, order and a blank canvas are much more calming. The important factor is to know with whom you are dealing.
25
Small irony: I tell myself every day that if I ever got rich I'd get rid of everything and keep only absolute essentials.
That's right, I don't understand it myself.
43
@Phil Glass I’ve played that game and discovered I seem to have a lot of ‘essentials.’
3
Sigh. I find myself in a sticky spot with clutter. We live in 1100 square feet. While there are definitely some things we could get rid of, in fact it’s far less than you might imagine. Of the thousands of books, maybe 2 boxes could go, which would get some of the books off the floor, but wouldn’t get us to minimalism. (They are needed for work.) Yes, some of the papers could go, but not all. And while I’d love to trade out winter and summer wardrobes, I’d have to find another place for the camping supplies (which we use each summer). And it would be nice if the bikes weren’t in the dining room. And now both of us (not one) are working at home. I think We need more space…not much, quite frankly, or someone to honestly reorganize our space without telling us automatically to get rid of stuff.
If we had a suburban house, it would look quite sparsely furnished and uncluttered. But we don’t, and sadly we need most of what we have.
24
@Minmin Same. And we have half of your square footage!!
I find the anti-clutter people to be a rather intolerant group. In my own residence I have realized that my spouse is only comfortable when there is no evidence of me actually living in our shared space. (My spouse’s stuff ok, my stuff bad.). Keys, gloves, winter cap, gym bag, this week’s mail, journals and magazines are all to stored somewhere out of sight (where I can’t find them). I’m unable to make any promises, I have a right to live.
32
@TP
HEY!! Are you secretly living with MY wife?!?!
12
Though this a brief article, it is truly excellent, timely, and inspirational.
One only needs to look at the philosophy of feng shui to see how beneficial it is to allow energy to move through your home. Clutter impedes the energy from moving easily. Stuck energy around us affects us.
Here’s a fairly straightforward feng shui exercise: Move or discard 27 things in your your environment. This will have an immediate and noticeable positive affect on your mood.
Ultimately, whatever we own owns us.
It can be very difficult to let go of material reminders that connect us with our past, especially good experiences from the past. Start small. Get rid of one pair of socks you haven’t worn in a year. Clean out your medicine cabinet, even better, just toss one expired medication. Get rid of a spice that you haven’t used in 10 years. If you try to tackle an entire room at once, or even a closet, it can feel overwhelming and unattainable. Be gentle with yourself. Have compassion for the person who collected everything as it’s often an unconscious way to feel safe and secure.
47
Years ago, when my parents moved to assisted living, my eldest brother and I split the contents of their home . . . furniture and boxes containing a lifetime of memories. One item that had been packed away for a few years got me a spot on this year's Antiques Roadshow! It is not the "national treasure" nor will it make a financial difference in my retirement, but what fun was that?!
The difficulty my contemporaries and I have as we hit the "golden years" is that throwing things away is like tossing away the life we have led and the people who have passed on.
Scanning and shredding paper documents while keeping a few hard copies of documents is how paper is handled in our house. For kids old school stuff -I take some photos, keep a few things, and toss the rest. Each kid gets a flash drive and a bin. Since the upcoming generations don't want the "old things" and don't have room themselves, those items go to the "collectibles" stores - newer things that have been in the garage, basement, and attic get dragged to the end of the driveway with a Free sign attached. There is nothing materially we need these years but anything we now acquire has a much quicker recycle time frame!
30
I don't know. I love my clutter. Everything has it's spot and if my wife tries to clean up, I'll never find it again.
19
@dave beemon That's why YOU need to clean it up - why leave it to her and make excuses? I know...you love it.
10
Everything has its own place.
I return item to its own place after every use.
Clutter means to me item is oddly laid where it does not belong.
Occasionally I take pleasure to reorganize one area. That refreshes the look and make it easy to find things.
Things that I never looked for in the last 5 years are given away.
I occasionally see a house totally void of lived-in look, which feels to me chilly and uncomfortable.
House represents the owner's lifelong history. My own paintings, photos and gifts from family and friends are proudly displayed throughout my home, of which I love every square inch.
30
@hiker Yes, why do cluttered people go to the extreme as a reason not to get rid of ANYTHING? Your house doesn't have to be antiseptically bare of all personal items...try the "middle way" and get rid of 25% or so.
7
@Renee I have a ton of stuff, but anything I really don't want I get rid of right away. Well-meant gifts I will never use are donated right after the holidays. Genuinely worn-out clothing goes into my husband's pile of rags in his workshop. There's no reason to get rid of any arbitrary percentage.
1
@Frances Grimble It sounds like what you have is not clutter. I think Renee was suggesting to get rid of part of the clutter.
5
Joshua Becker's book, "The Minimalist Home," changed everything. I've been paring down belongings for years. I read Joshua's book December of 2020. He lays out the brass tacks of how to get there. It takes time and it's not easy but it has been worth every ounce of effort. After I read the book, my husband gave me Joshua's online Declutter course for Christmas. I have course mates from all over the world. Once you purchase the course, you can retake it as many times as you like. That's a huge help because letting go of things takes time and can be difficult. Last March I let go of 1,050 books. That was the absolute hardest thing for us but it made a palpable difference in our lives. We still have a home library, but now we don't have books piled up everywhere else. I've now eliminated hundreds of articles of clothing. My closet only contains clothes that are in season, that fit, and that I love wearing. My out of season clothes are in vacuum sealed bags in another closet. Getting ready for work is a breeze. Our stress levels have plummeted since we started purging possessions. We still have art on the walls, a few Objets d'art, beautiful clothes, and books, but we can breathe a lot easier without the excess. I'm not surprised about the cortisol mentioned in the article. It makes perfect sense. When all that stuff was in my home, knowing I needed to get rid of it was stressful. Knowing you've got piles of things that need to be eliminated can be paralyzing.
46
@Sylvia Swann I just don't feel any need to get rid of things so am not stressed! And I didn't have to buy any books, or do any work, to get that way.
6
I live with someone who is not a hoarder, but is an accumulator. I like to live clutter free. It causes me no end of anxiety. One of the many compromises one makes in a relationship…
12
My late father had an interesting if simple strategy for cleaning out "the kitchen drawer" - that drawer that inhabited every kitchen I remember as a child - and a couple of drawers of my own. It was that kitchen drawer that contained all the stuff that might be needed somewhere in the house but might not be a kitchen utensil (a screwdriver, rubber bands, 3 new batteries out of the box, screws from 4 pictures taken down at Christmas, wire cutters, scissors, masking tape, plastic lids for a cat food can, ...)
1. Without opening the drawer, make a list if everything you remember to be in the drawer
2. Keep everything on the list and discard the rest.
I can't recall him ever performing this task. I know I haven't.
We remodeled our kitchen recently and purposely designated each of the new drawers for real kitchen ware.
But I also have a new garage that is fast filling up with things I can still list without looking.
I have hope.
8
@Michael Ahler The junk drawer!
I agree. I am a Professional Organizer who just handles two very different estates. I had 3 estate sales, yup, 3 at one clients. Two were ran by Professional estates sales people. I ran one even though I DREADED it. I still had stuff left over. I posted stuff on Craigslist, some people where wonderful, many did NOT show up. In the end I had NUMEROUS donations to VVA. And a thrift store came and picked up a FUll truck load of furniture! The second home, was so much easier. The owner purged through stuff over the years. Homeowners number 1 had no kids and saved EVERYTHING and thank god was filed properly. Second homeowners was married , 17 years older than homeowners #1, had 4 kids and not as much stuff. Be like homeowner #2, purge daily. Thank you mom for being homeowner #2, you made my life easy and taught me something after you were gone. I don’t need pictures of people I don’t know and more. Now I know where I get my Organizing skill set from! Www.LindaAnders.com. Thanks for the gene pool!
11
@Linda Anders
Well, good for you Ms. Anders. And lucky you that you come from that gene pool.
A little empathy and compassion ... vs. contempt ... for your clients (even if dead) might be nice.
At least, that's what I'd look for in an organizer.
Happy New Year to all.
55
@Linda Anders We are giving this streamlining of our things as one of our gifts to our kids after dealing with father's accumulations and piles. He has saved everything and cannot find ANYTHING. This has become a burden for him that he finds stressful, and yet, he has no real plan to deal with any of it other than to let it go until...he dies?
My spouse and I are constantly reviewing and editing our possessions in an effort to keep the inventory down. I look at it as, what could I live without if everything suddenly burned up in a fire or evaporated overnight? Almost all of it, if I am being honest. Surround yourself with smaller, portable memories. Digitalize most of it.
Live life now and moving forward: Treasure memories and celebrate with experiences and activities--not collections and mementos.
8
Declutter now! Do your children that favor. They do not want, in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or 60’s, to be faced with 100 lbs (literally-the voice of experience here) of paper, to have to move out of your home when you move to the next phase (maybe that is an urn), and then sort through & haggle with siblings over, and haul to Office Depot to pay by the pound to have shredded.
29
@Bluewater But in return, they will presumably inherit a house, stocks, and other assets? It's really only the executor's job to deal with the estate, but the executor gets a percentage fee in return for doing the work. Luckily, I am childfree so don't have to worry!
3
@Frances Grimble —if they take the fee. Many children who executors never take it.
5
@Frances Grimble Oh honey, more often, it is just debt these days. Family executors rarely charge a fee either, lest they lose the ties with their siblings.
11
Clutter is somewhat in the eye of the beholder. That lead photograph could be seen as a cozy comfortable place to read a good book while music is playing on the hi-fi gear.
33
@S Brown The decluttering fad assumes everyone is alike, and has the same tastes, habits, income, and lifestyle. Or that if not, they should. However, people are individuals and not all of them follow fads.
23
@S Brown I can't read if there is music playing.
1
@S Brown
As long as you didn't have to find a check or needed information on something.
1
The research doesn't seem to evaluate cause and effect, just a correlation... and then asserting it is the clutter causing stress. However, a smart physician once pointed out that clutter - hoarding more specifically, is a symptom of insecurity (financial, emotional, or otherwise). In other words that physician didn't see the clutter/hoarding as causing the stress, but the stress causing the hoarding.
P.S. As I have done in my comment, the article doesn't clearly distinguish between clutter and hoarding. They are not the same.
39
I’m a third generation hoarder. My father died 5 months ago and I have have been sorting through his hoard every day since. I am drowning in family artifacts but can’t bear to send any of them to the landfill. I’m perfectly aware of the illogic of my emotions, but the struggle is real.
32
@Amanda It's definitely a hard place to be. I used to be a pack rat of sorts when I was young. I had so many beautiful clothes, shoes, handbags. I made myself be brave when my parents died. I kept a couple of pieces of furniture I loved and a few of their personal items. I'm about to give away a blouse my mom loved and my daddy's favorite shirt. I've kept them for years but now they make me a little sad when I encounter them. I loved them both so much, but their belongings are not them. I stopped being a pack rat a while back. I almost married the most minimalist guy I know. I didn't follow through on the marriage, but I loved his minimalist life. So I've been moving in that direction since I was with him. As I've been eliminating things, my life continues to open up in front of me. I'm getting more and more creative work done, writing, painting, and even tennis lessons. I'm cooking more. I'm saving money in a million ways by not buying things. Things keep getting sweeter and sweeter. I hope you'll consider making a shift too.
32
@Amanda Hoarding truly is an anxiety disorder, and it is not illogical. If you can find the episodes of Hoarders, there is treatment for it that involves exposure therapy. Learning to handle the feelings that come with parting with that item, and realizing that you can not only survive, but thrive. Also, learning substitute behaviors--appreciating it, documenting it digitally, donating it, feeling good about the donation, and things of that nature. There is specific treatment for this condition if you are interested. There is hope.
I am sorry that the death of your parent has compounded your immediate problem, and maybe it will be the catalyst that allows you to find a resource that is helpful for you.
9
@Amanda
Well, here’s the reality - all your “family artifacts” will likely end up in some thrift store; your kids/family don’t want your stuff.
7
Excessive clutter and hoarding reflects a persons equally cluttered state of mind.
21
@KJ: People may say that both my home and my mind are cluttered with an abundance of information that others might find useless. Fortunately, the RAM works well for both.
17
@KJ Supposedly someone told Einstein that a cluttered desk signified a cluttered mind. His response was to ask, what then does an empty desk signify?
20
A wise friend once told me that people with uncluttered space will never know the joy of finding something you thought was lost forever.
66
@Seriously But they might never have lost it in the first place.
7
@DW but they will also never regret throwing away something they needed later.
3
Seeing a cluttered space is an overwhelming experience. It's a sensory overload, I don't know where to rest my eyes, and my eyes dart from one heap to another. It's why I can't go into Home Goods- soo much stuff, why I try to limit visits to cluttery homes, and why I don't keep anything underneath the beds. Clutter is very much stressful and anxiety-inducing.
27
Who is saying that decluttering is good and healthy? A cluttered home stressful for one or the result of an others disrespect of an others things? "Look what your clutter has made me do?" Sound at all like an abusers response? Short of a hoarder get your own life. If you feel you have to change your partner you most likely just have the wrong one.
13
@Edwin Cohen What's so strange is how people are judging perfect strangers, whose homes they have never seen! It's all the moralism that gets me.
31
My small suburb just north of Milwaukee has a "Buy Nothing Shorewood" group on Facebook. You just take a picture of your items and post. Everything is given away free. Works really well.
23
My friend started as a collector of movie memorabilia 20 yrs ago. He has over to the years started collecting just about anything that catches his eye. He buys one thing then feels need to buy many variants of the same item to make a up a collection. Then he moves onto the next obsession. Over time he has filled his house with so much junk everywhere that he cannot sleep in his bedroom. He now sleeps in his car outside the house. He has so much junk he is now using storage warehouses . He has to borrow money to pay for warehouse storage costs. Very sad. Lesson is DO NOT COLLECT anything!
21
@Steven
can you get him some help? if he is sleeping in his car, that is a breaking point. as a friend, maybe you can try to offer some help, outside or even yourself- but only if he is willing, it seems that he has a psychological & emotional issue. Hoarding is a complex problem but there could be a solution for him if you can help him.
he is overwhelmed like most hoarders & doesn't know where to start, it is such a monumental thing with feelings of shame & isolation. He can't do it alone. Does he seem receptive to your helping, does he acknowledge he has a problem or defensive?
sleeping in his car b/c his house is so full of stuff is just sad & sign of mental health issues.
good luck to both of you.
8
I need to live clutter free. I really enjoy throwing excess out.
16
Instead throwing out your “excess,” consider donating items in usable condition to benefit those in need and for whom your excess is their necessity.
8
@WS Liebman
He mostly likely is. When people say "throwing out" or "tossing", they mean letting it go, getting it out. I usually say, "I tossed it", but actually it went to Goodwill.
10
I cannot live in a place that is cluttered, it makes me very uneasy.
17
I don't have an issue with decluttering my belongings. We accumulated a lot of "stuff" for daughter. As the only child and grandchild, she was given a lot of things over the years. I have been able to let go of some stuff but there is still a lot left. For a while the issue was the sentimental attachment to things. Now it's just the physical effort required to actually get rid of stuff. So much of it is in excellent shape that I cringe at the thought of throwing it out. So, I put off trying to find organizations that will accept donations.
11
@Lorraine
Try Housing Works or any organization where the resale of the item will benefit someone else. There are organizations that will pick-up items.
7
@Jane I had a grandfather clock that my late parents gave us for Christmas years ago. My kids didn’t want it and it didn’t fit well when I moved from a house to a condo. It was like the elephant in the room for several years and I finally called a charity to pick it up. One of the men who loaded onto the truck said “Someone is really going to love this.” I’ve chosen to think that when I donate items that I’ve enjoyed but no longer use.
9
Wonder if there is a difference between clutter at home vs in the office, and the ability to function effectively in such environments. One physician I met long ago had a most messy office, and often got his patients' medical records mixed up. So relieved when he moved away!
If it is "overattachment to stuff", is that a lack of judgment or inabilitiy to distingush across value of stuff over time ? Tension at home is usually caused by one person's junk is another's treasure, especially between children and parents, and then the kids go away to college or work, but left all their stuff behind.
9
@IN The value of my time lies in not worrying about being obsessively tidy.
18
@Frances Grimble
and you could say the value of time is not having to worry at all . if you have less "stuff" you automatically have more time.
because your are NOT cleaning, rearranging, moving things, sorting or filing papers, having to do lots of laundry, deciding what to wear in the morning when you have a closet stuffed with things you outgrew, do not like, made a mistake buying, etc.
you'll have more time if you stop going into stores - but instead relax & enjoy your home & don't constantly shop for things you don't really need.
Books you've read or will NEVER read, projects you never finished all take up space & no longer have a purpose. Use your precious time to enjoy life - let go, be free.
15
@yogaheals I am NOT constantly cleaning, rearranging, sorting or filing papers, doing any more laundry than I wear, or in general doing tidying. My husband and I split the housework 50-50 and it only takes either of us a few hours a week. I don't constantly shop. I make my own clothes, and am currently using stash fabrics I bought in the 1970s! And loving them. I have several thousand books, and several hundred on my to-read pile. And I read them--even if I bought them years ago. If I didn't want to read them I would not have bought them. I don't drop projects, I finish them before going on to the next project. And no, my stuff is not taking up too much space. My husband and I have quite a large house--which we bought with an eye to lining most of the walls with books.. And, most of all, I AM enjoying life because I am not obsessed with housework in any way! Which is what decluttering is all about. I refuse to think my life must somehow be stressing me out when it is not.
26
This article seems to conflate perception of clutter with a perception of tasks/chores that "need" to be done; I can't tell if the research does too or not. It seems likely to me that gender bias in how home tasks are traditionally allocated probably has a lot to do with why women are more likely than men to find "clutter" stressful. I would argue that it isn't the clutter itself stressing them out--it's the expectation that they will be the ones tidying it up.
40
I always accepted clutter. But my wife doesn’t and I realize now that I don’t have clutter around me, that indeed makes life less stressful.
16
@Michelle Exactly. I am not at all disturbed if my house doesn't look like something on Instagram.
3
in a previously life, as a visiting nurse in Manhattan, I witnessed some episodes of hoarding that even the devil would doubt possible. one of the most memorable involved a ritzy hotel, a grandfathered in apartment owner , and a foot and a half of stuff all over the floor of that apartment. the only clear path was by the main door, so it could be opened. this individual was self directing and there was no obvious fire hazards so the building couldn't throw her out nor she could be referred to adult protective services. the city back then and probably still, had a service where a crew would come up and collect everything free of charge. there was some back and forth and this patient reluctantly accepted. only to refuse it later because the service would not be selective - they would haul out everything as trash. by the end of our encounter this patient told his they had had a cat that one day simply disappeared. in my mind I was thinking "I can see how"
25
When I was a little kid of 11, my great uncle (70 at the time) said to me, "The more you have, the more problems you have." I sensed wisdom in those words, and I've taken them to heart ever since. Man, was he ever right.
54
No one seems to want to explore the uneasy relationship between the expectation of how a home should look (preferably like a showroom) and the constant messaging for Americans to obtain more stuff. It's unfair and reductive to put all the onus on people living in their own spaces, especially when more and more demands are put on people's time. Why spend so much time making your space more palatable to others?
29
@D. Stein what if you made it palatable to yourself? Why can't things have a home? Why can't stuff be stowed properly? What is wrong with having the "tools" to make a home (or apartment or office) workable and organized all for you??? It rewards you every day. Try it some time.
9
@Debbie K Because just as not everyone has the same taste in decor, not everyone has the same idea of how much housework/tidying they should do.
2
@Debbie K
"Why can't stuff be stowed properly?" Whatever does that mean? Who decides?
2
The cortisol level aspect is quite interesting. Seems to make a case for doing any chores first thing in the morning before going to work, instead of after work. Many of us have a semi-groggy stage right after waking up, and the physical activity of cleaning and other chores could make this time useful. And...kicking back after work with a glass of wine and talking over the day, or reading or watching a video, totally without any clutter or guilt? Very appealing!
17
I have a friend who lives in a very cluttered apartment. I am very uncomfortable when I'm there. I have offered to help her declutter multiple times and been refused. Just recently, I finally told her I wouldn't be coming to her apartment again until it has been decluttered. I feel better and am glad I finally extricated myself.
20
@BA There's nothing else to friendship????
15
@BA
I agree with you 100%. I'm about to do the exact same thing. I refuse to be subjected to someone else's squalor. If they wish to live that way they can live alone.
@Frances Grimble
There are limits to friendships. And families.
For the past 20-25 years, I'd have put our clutter rating at a 5 on a scale of 1-10. However, we are transitioning as a family and this has his has turned the clutter-meter up to a 7. The kids are now adults and moving out and my wife and I both have aging parents who have passed away, are in nursing homes or need to downsize. The furniture and stuff is easy. It is the memories that are hard. My now deceased father was an avid photographer and I have bins of slides (remember those) in storage. I should just dump them, but that is 50 years of his favorite hobby. My mother-in-law has all her letters. Then there are all the photos, awards and school projects from the kids throughout the years. We are making progress, but it is exhausting!
30
@Mark
You could digitize the slides and photos. I did the same with my father's photography (also his hobby). There are services that will do this for you. You turn over all the photos and slides and you get handed back a flash drive. You can do the same for the letters. I take my own photos of stuff that can't easily be scanned (awards, school projects) and keep a copy that way too in a folder on my computer. Makes you feel like you haven't truly thrown it all away, and there's much less physical clutter (though organizing my hard drive storage is for another day haha)
23
My hubby and I use a technique we call “Lost it in the Fire.” Every day, many people lose everything they have in a fire. Everything. And hopefully not lives. When we moved back east after 30 years in California, “Lost it in the Fire” became a very helpful mantra as we prepared for the move, We hired a big dumpster for a month, with weekly tipping, and we lost a lot of stuff in “the fire.” It was truly liberating.
8
I love clutter. Yes, love it, at least as long as it's semi-arranged and orderly. My worst nightmare would be finding Marie Kondo at my front door.
38
I find that clutter only bothers me as much as I let it. I have more interesting things to think about. Maybe people should just not obsess about housework.
27
If I can see it, I can find it.
15
My husband lost his mother to suicide at the age of eight. He spent the rest of his childhood living with various relatives. He went to a different school every year until High School. He has an obsession with keeping things, thus areas of our house are extremely cluttered. It seems obvious to me: once he was scarred by such a horrible loss, he's determined to hang onto everything. Although I have empathy, the mess still drives me crazy. I cope by having main areas of the house mostly free of clutter. He has his own hoarder areas that I avoid. And he's a wonderful husband. Works for us, but I hope I die first.
57
@Irisheys You are empathetic and wise.
12
why not discuss the stressful neurosis passed down by some mothers of the fifties and sixties: They decluttered their homes every day, covered the furniture in plastic to keep it clean, threw out their children's toys before the children were ready to give them up--or didn't allow the children to have any agency in donating or selling those toys? I think some of the "cluttered" homes of today are a backlash to those types of homes and strict obsessive house-cleaning. Life is more than a vaccuum, cleaning supplies, a living room that looks like no one has ever stepped foot in it, a home where you wonder if the people have ever read a book or a newspaper, and so on. And I am talking about clutter, not hoarding.
59
My Mom was a hoarder—but a very neat one, as witnessed by two shoeboxes full of carefully folded plastic bags, bags of rubber bands separated by size, etc. She called our basement her castle, and that’s where she pottered around and tidied her hoardings. The top two floors were neat and clean, always. After our parents passed and we prepared to clean out the house to sell, there weren’t enough days for us to take off from work to go through everything. We ended up hiring a local crew to clean out the basement and toss everything into a construction-sized dumpster. I think this maybe because she was one of eleven children who came of age during the Depression. For my part, my home is today. Unfortunately, my property came with a huge pole barn, where I’ve stored boxes of stuff, as did my niece and a friend. I have no idea what’s in my boxes, but come spring, I’ve got a crew lined up to take everything but the gardening stuff out.
12
My mother has hoarding disorder. It has impacted her (and my) entire life. What she does not see is how it has separated her from her family and friends - it's hard for us to visit her, she doesn't allow other visitors in her home, etc. As she's become elderly and has mobility issues, the risk to her is becoming acute but her inability to get rid of her "stuff" is making it hard to change her living conditions.
Over time, I came to see exactly what the author says - that clutter (even at the lower level, distinguished from actual hoarding) makes me anxious. A cluttered kitchen counter or office makes me feel as if things are left undone or as if I'm out of control. So I tend to keep things pretty neat to keep my head clear.
29
I'm messy and always have been. Five minutes after I enter a hotel room it's a wreck and I don't know how it happened. My mess doesn't stress me. Other people seeing and judging it does. (And boy do they judge.) I despise cleaning and only do it when things get out of control. It's just stuff. I'm basically clean (no food around, dishes are done) and since I live alone I can lay my hands on anything I need. I'm creative and successful and became much happier after I stopped beating myself up about this. What I really need to scrap are all those organizing self help books. They never helped me, only made me feel guilty and inadequate. But here you all are again, telling me there's something wrong with me. Just stop already.
75
@mb I have trouble believing in a "psychological problem" that only seems to have begun when well-paid organizing gurus turned from telling people to buy containers, to telling people to just throw everything out.
21
I’m curious if your cortisol levels are high. It would be interesting to find out.
2
@BBC I just had a boatload of blood tests with a new GP who wanted to test everything. No high cortisol, no high blood pressure, no heart problems, no physical signs of stress whatsoever!
15
In my family, I have observed a connection between clutter and Attention Deficit Disorder (with or without hyperactivity). Individuals with ADD or ADHD have more difficulty with planning and organizing, so they may find it difficult to organize a cupboard or plan a project. They may not have identified where objects belong, so instead of being put away, things pile up. Those with ADHD may need a strong, simple system that works for them. There are some good books on this subject.
22
What I find most troublesome about the conversation around clutter and the stuff we own is the sense of righteousness that pervades it. Many people speak as if getting rid of stuff gives them some kind of moral absolution or superiority. While one can argue that buying fewer new things is a good move for the environment, there is nothing morally problematic about simply holding on to what you have. There are surely many problems with excessive holding on, but they are not moral ones, and they do not make you a bad person.
72
I think the main point I got from the article is that it adds to stress levels. It’s not about people being judgmental but being stress free which most would agree is a sign of good health.
19
@Syliva I agree with this as long as you live alone or live with people that feel the same way about clutter and clean it out before you die so that anyone left behind doesn't have to deal with it. Outside of that, you might be stressing out other people with your choices or, in the case where you die and your heirs have to deal with it, you might be dumping a lot of work onto them. At minimum, that would make you a rude person.
12
@BBC If you are stressed out, you will know it. If you want to test your blood pressure regularly. there are home devices for doing that.
My one habit against de cluttering is at the end of the day whatever is on the kitchen counter gets recycled, thrown out, or put away.
16
@Solar Guy I do this too, and when I'm tired and don't feel like tidying up, I just imagine how good I'll feel the next morning when I walk into a decent kitchen. It's a much better way to start the day. The only thing I see in the morning is the coffee pot, which is just what I need.
22
Two favorite Public TV programs have made me rethink how much family history I should purge! On Antiques Road Show young relatives proudly show off possible treasures bequeathed to them by parents or grandparents and on Roots the current generation is emotional when they view letters and pictures of their ancestors! I have some possible treasures and loads and loads of paper memorabilia going back four generations.What to do-purge or save?!
14
@Janet MICHAEL Offer it to your heirs now. Their response will tell you what to do.
6
Judging from some of the comments here, it might be helpful to distinguish between clutter and hoarding. Clutter is a result of general mess or untidiness. Hoarding, according to the American Psychiatric Association:
“People with hoarding disorder have persistent difficulty getting rid of or parting with possessions due to a perceived need to save the items. Attempts to part with possessions create considerable distress and lead to decisions to save them. The resulting clutter disrupts the ability to use living spaces.
Hoarding is not the same as collecting. Collectors typically acquire possessions in an organized, intentional, and targeted fashion. Once acquired, the items are removed from normal usage, but are subject to being organizing, admired, and displayed to others. Acquisition of objects in people who hoard is largely impulsive, with little active planning, and triggered by the sight of an object that could be owned.
The overall prevalence of hoarding disorder is approximately 2.6%, with higher rates for people over 60 years old and people with other psychiatric diagnoses, especially anxiety and depression. The prevalence and features of hoarding appear to be similar across countries and cultures. The bulk of evidence suggests that hoarding occurs with equal frequency in men and women. Hoarding behavior begins relatively early in life and increases in severity with each decade.”
20
@dlb During the Depression, it was called not getting rid of things with potential future use. Which they often have.
14
I’m reminded of George Carlin’s routine about “Stuff”. It’s hilarious and oh so true.
19
I read this article and felt terrible about the clutter in my home. But wait! I live in 1,100 square feet with my husband, and the is still space in our kitchen cabinets, and drawers and cabinets are not stuffed. I think if Dr Ferrari showed up here to find me hysterical about clutter he would laugh. And yet..it bothers me...
10
We have friends, a married couple, we've known since our mutual college days in the 1980s. They are smart, successful, witty, and well-read. Yet, I can attest with no ambiguity that extreme clutter has caused them and their children great distress to the point that it is barely an exaggeration to say it's ruined their lives. They each work long hours in a helping profession, only to come home to a rat's nest. Their home is unlivable. They have no chance to unwind or relax. The children could never have friends over. They used to invite us (we live several hours away), but stopped - and we stopped accepting - when it became too distressing. We'd arrive, and they'd be futilely striving to clean up a mess that would take me, a reasonably orderly person, a month to attack.
One of the more curious aspects is their "tone-deafness" when it comes to decor. In addition to saving all manner of useless junk, they have no concept of what goes together or looks right. In their formal living room, which is the only room they manage to keep somewhat clear, they have three mismatched sofas, curtains in another loud pattern, and a patterned rug in yet another color way. I've wondered whether this "blindness" (despite both coming from privileged backgrounds) is a clue to what is going on with them all these years.
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@Lee
I actually do think that people have differing abilities to visualize an orderly space and make the reality match the vision. They have different abilities to perceive how things, including their bodies, exist in space.It can rise to the level of a disability, and make it difficult to perceive when things are askew, and therefore really hard to restore order.
25
@Lee Hearing the way you speak about your friends makes me think that it would probably be better for them to fill their lives with people who are less judgmental and more kind than you anyway.
18
@Lee Lee, isn't it just a matter of personal taste? And shouldn't your friends decorate to their taste instead of yours? You infer that if they have 3 couches they should be "matched." Kind of boring to some. Why have 3 couches all the same? Sounds interesting that they have 3 styles. Sounds like they have a bright and colorful living room with an abundance of interesting items and patterns - but it's not to your taste - so you don't visit your friends anymore.
I suggest visiting them again and this time complimenting them on their unusual decor. They may smile if you do. And then that'll make you smile. And you can enjoy each other again. After all, it's your friends you're visiting, not their couches.
19
Shall we call Ray Bradbury's "firemen" to take care of all those stressful and chaotic books in the photograph?
7
Though never given to clutter or hoarding, moving from the big house to the 1/3 the size retire home was a good opportunity to go through everything and decide on what would fit and what still have enough value to keep. And the result was only keeping 1/4 of what we owned. We either sold, gave away or threw out vast amounts of household goods over a 6 week period.
And now that we live will less, we miss nothing, relish an even more paired down home, refuse to add to our treasured empty spaces and don't walk past overflowing closets wondering what is buried in there and when will we get around to cleaning them out. Freedom!
38
I'm the non-clutter one in a family of clutterbugs. I've set up certain zones in the house that are strictly "mine", and made it clear to other family members that these zones and areas are mine. I quite literally enforce the boundaries in those areas. I've created mental walls to expressly ignore the cluttered up areas, because trying to impose my will and wishes on those areas is like trying to fight the ocean, a fruitless and futile exercise.
Woe be upon the family member who clutters up my desk or workbench, you have been warned multiple times!
25
I agree. Elevated cortisol levels must be banished everywhere.
3
I only realized recently that the best place to "store" stuff is in a "store." When I need something, I go to the store. No more storing it in my house! What a relief.
24
@RAM That's a great solution . . . for people who have the money. Not everyone does.
2
This topic is the biggest stress in my life. My mother said she wished she could be more organized, yet you could open her stand-up freezer with your eyes closed and find the baked good on one shelf or the nicely wrapped lamb chops to the right. I try too, but my husband is beyond a candidate as hoarders. This year it finally happened in the garage -- no way in, no way out. Tools, old paint, a tub of papers from college (he is 70), gallon-size bags of receipts, copper piping, PVS, lumber, paint, a secret stash of T-shirts and pants more than 20 years old. This is beyond clutter, but pathological disorder. I suggest you watch the clutter when it begins, keep up with it and pray you'll never realize there's no room in your house for friends.
37
@Elaine Corn
Hi Elaine. We could switch husbands and never notice the difference except you would be on the east coast and I would be on the west. :)
20
@Elaine Corn My husband as well. What's worse he owned a retail business at one time where he brought home the manufacturers' giveaways--t-shirts advertising cigarettes and candy, lighters (we don't smoke), decks of cards, on and on and on. The business has been gone 20 years now, but not the STUFF.
It about killed him when I made him take 12 old non-working printers to the recycling center. And yet, he'll bring home more STUFF like a broken girls' bike a neighbor is throwing out--we have only grandsons and he's clueless how to fix stuff.
22
Less is more!
12
The photo was enough for me. I cannot abide clutter. Organized piles of to-do things, sure, but not clutter everywhere.
17
I love my home and creature comforts, and find that a cluttered house is a cluttered mind. That said, the gender angle needs mentioning, for the dilemma of womanhood/motherhood/homemaking is that we Never, Ever really get to rest and relax because the work required to run what I call the "corporation," is relentless. It seems easier for men to ignore all the details we tend to, but these details which provide niceties for everyone else comes at the expense of women, increased cortisol levels and all.
This is the dilemma of motherhood/homeownership/and being organized. The notion depicted in 1950's television is warped; projecting false images of how life should be when it's anything but serves nobody well, lest of all, women.
The phrase: a woman's work is never done was true then and is true still.
43
@Kwink I find that the vast majority of people who worry about "clutter" are women.
5
I disagree with the premise of this article that decluttering relieves stress. We as humans are pain avoidance machines. Almost every decision we make or item we invent is to reduce the pain of the alternative. When people fill their houses with stuff and don't ever clean or organize its because they got pleasure from obtaining the items and don't want the displeasure of cleaning it up. For most people in this situation, the clutter is the pleasure and the cleaning is the pain and so they choose not to do it. The clutter is less painful than the cleanup, so the clutter stays.
12
@George L Once you've decluttered, however stressful that process was, you are relieved of the constant reminder that you need to declutter. The visual disturbance of clutter is also gone. In my experience, friends who live in clutter do so because they don't want to face the decisions, not because they don't find it stressful. They are always apologizing for the clutter because they know my home is neat. Truth is, I don't care about their clutter. I only care about my neatness.
39
@Barbara
Hi Barbara,
Thanks for your reply. I agree if you could wave a magic wand and instantly present a cleaned up home to someone, they may experience some temporary stress reduction, but they may also have the stress of missing objects that were disposed of or items they can't find. They most likely will not change their basic behavior and will over time re-create the cluttered home they feel embarrassed by. For your friend, the evidence speaks for itself, if they wanted to go through the stress of decision making, cleaning, and organizing, then the house would be clean.
"In my experience, friends who live in clutter do so because they don't want to face the decisions, not because they don't find it stressful."
My point is the the decision making is the major stress and you see the result. We humans are pain avoiders and most often take the least painful option, which in this case for your friend is to live in clutter.
13
@George L Over the years, I managed to collect a lot of things because I thought (and still think) they're beautiful. But trying to display too many at a time started making me feel they were too cluttery. So I tried only placing 3 items, all wood pieces, on the mantle, leaving lots of flat space. Much better. So on another high-up flat surface, I cut it down to another single beautiful item. Ahhh. I think I'll keep going this way, and just rotate items if I get bored. And yes, stop buying more.
5
it struck me as I read this article... so for any good experiment - you have to define "clutter"... a few unread books ... okay, more than a few in strategic towers scattered around the bedroom?
one person's messy clutter is another person's wonderland of opportunity... the upstairs rooms of my friend's bookstore are filled with towering stacks of oddities teetering on top of other old pieces of furniture, artwork, unusual photos, whatever.... my wife is afraid to even wander though the rooms for fear of a disabeling seizure ... for me it is a wonderland to explore and hide away from this crazy world...
and remember, that first pressing of the Beatle's Sgt Peppers you could never part with, is now worth gobs of money or better yet... just think of all the memories
25
@Jimi poetic way to justify hoarding.
13
And who will be tasked with dealing with the stuff after the owner of all the stuff is dead and gone, leaving endless stacks and piles behind?
9
@Jimi I think I know which bookstore you're referring to. Is it on McMicken? If so, I love that space.
1
We should also consider persons primary mode of accessing information about the world. For those who are predominately visual, clutter is awful. For kinesthetic types, smells or tactile irritants (crumbs in the bed) are worst and for auditory processors sound, of course, is the worst.
My wife, a visual, is bothered by disarray. Whereas I, a kinesthetic, react more to strong smells like vinegar and barely notice clutter - though I make an effort and stretch to accommodate her.
21
Clutter, smells and noise all effect me.
12
I know this is contrary to popular opinion but I love owing lots of things. I have several generations worth of furniture and knick·knacks along with all the things I've collected over my many decades. I would estimate that it all would completely fill a six car garage if I put it, tightly packed, all in one place. I wouldn't say the word "clutter" fits me at all though as I'm very organized with my many thousands of possessions. Most of it is inventoried, photographed and in a database so, if I want something, I can quickly get it. I'm lucky though in that I have space to do this as I have a large house with two large outbuildings on the property. I find enjoyment in all the things I possess. Call me mentally ill if you want to (and a couple of my friends probably would) but I think there is too much emphasis in our culture on paring down our possessions and "decluttering". I can't tell you how often I open up a plastic tote to retrieve an item that I want to use that has been stored for some years. I find "decluttering" can often mean one has to just buy the item again when they already owned it but decided to part with it. Now, if I ever have to downsize to a small living space, then I'm in trouble but at least it's all well organized to give away.
25
@ChrisE
Perhaps You mean owning, not owing?
Cheers
Jorge
5
@Jorge Uoxinton
Yes, I did mean "owning" but I don't see any way to fix a mistake in a comment.
1
Have you hired and pre-paid professionals to deal with the mountain of possessions after you’re gone?
2
Correlation is not causation.
Clutter can contribute to stress, but it’s really a symptom, not a cause. If you have a tendency to procrastinate, or if you are depressed, or if you have ADD, or if your energy is too low, or if you are overwhelmed or struggling or feeling like an imposter or burning the candle at both ends, then yeah, you might end up with more clutter than you ideally want.
And of course, reminding a person that they are not keeping up with the tidying— pointing out the visible symptoms of their struggles— is going to stress them out. But that is not necessarily indicative that the person has too much stuff, or that getting rid of things would lower their stress.
It’s the cause that needs to be tackled; focusing on the symptom is at worst going to increase stress, and at best only going to provide a few days of only partial respite from the alleviation of one pain point.
25
How about the very real if virtual issue of digital clutter. I mean can anyone else relate to the burden of hundreds of chrome tabs open on their browser and popping up on for every potentially interesting Times headline??
Sometimes it's a cathartic loss when Chrome crashes and inexplicably loses all its open tabs. There's a moment of feeling of lightness before opening the times page and youtube again...
41
This is a reprint of an article from January 2019.
Does this qualify as "digital clutter" ?
20
There are some good books out about how to declutter. It takes strong intention, energy and a plan, but it’s worth it. Clutter causes blocked energy. Even if we can’t see it, we feel it and respond, as the article states. Allowing the energy to move and circulate is interior spaces is an important premise of the ancient space clearing and harmonizing Feng Shui practice.
14
My husband lived with his great aunt as she was declining with Alzheimer’s. After she passed & newly married, I had to empty out and throw a strangers entire life away as they didn’t have children. It wasn’t helped by the fact that his great aunt and uncle never threw anything away.
I got to know them through their possessions. The 3000 books arranged by subject - a wide range of them. 1800 LP’s. Collections of stunning matches and all kinds of things. Antique furniture as well as a baby grand piano. I threw out all the junk but kept the furniture, 1500 books and other amazing momento’s from their travels across the world.
It was not easy. I felt such sadness throwing out an entire life’s worth of things. Having said that, I am glad I kept what I did for it brings me pleasure to look at them and imagine the lives they lived.
My house is not cluttered as such but it is full of things I love.
57
"It’s just that not as many men spent as much time on housework as their wives, she said."
Really?
18
I used to move a lot and could fit most of my belongings into the back of my 1980 Toyota Corolla. As I’ve gotten into my 60s I bought a home and realize I’m a minimalist, American style. A few years back I realized that books were meant to be read and not kept on shelves so I have very few. Then I learned that in America storage is a billion dollar industry. I have a friend who has a cluttered home and I very rarely visit as I feel claustrophobic as if the walls are caving in on me. The other thing I think about is someone has to come in after I die and clear out all the stuff. The easier I make it on them the better.
34
@MJ
This minimalist could not agree more. I no longer store up my house for the Merchandise Industrial Complex to make more money. I keep only a few pictures, books and tchotchkes. I buy what I need, when I need it. Even in the Pandemic, we bought and stored little. Being clutter free, not perfect since you have to live. is so mentally freeing as if a weight is lifted from not carrying a mental inventory of your stuff in your head. I keep two pens and one pad for notes or a list. I have learned to let the stores, store. It is great to have a clear house and mind that goes with it. And clean out your linen closet, your mind will thank you even more.
29
Good possessions are fine for keeping, but separating recycling papers and plastics from metals and taking out the trash are chores that must be done very frequently and they are the worst form of clutter. Empty ketchup bottles, yogurt cups and take out containers are tempting to keep (after cleaning) and medical records and piles of documentation are about 25% of a home's clutter. Proper recycling takes good eyes and energy and old people and the young have a hard time accomplishing this. Make recycling easier and home will have less clutter.
16
I always wonder why we attach ourselves to things. Having recently sold a home in Queens, I was tasked with tidying up. It was so freeing mentally to rid the home of so many things we would not take with us. I have written about it in these comments sections before and i got a lot of blowback from others who were not yet mentally free. They also put down Marie Kondo, who did not mandate that you tidy to a total of 40 books but the naysayers made it seem that way. She just suggested 40 as doable. If we are truthful, we realize, you mostly never go back and read any of the books that collect on too many shelves in the home and eventually contain paper worms. Looking at bookshelves over zoom has been a bore. When we moved we put almost everything small out on the curb and most everything was quickly swept up by their new owners. We put benches and small tables from the deck outside and they went fast. We gave our furniture to an online Consignment shop which came and wrapped and took away all the salable furniture. We got 40 per cent and everything was online and transparent. In our new small house we gave about 20 books, a few clusters of pictures, a few wall hangings, and a few knickknacks. A very small footprint of life. The Library is our best friend and have been borrowing books again since last June. We are not perfect but we keep only the current month We are mostly paperless. No clutter piles means being not having to keep a mental inventory. We are clutter stress free.
25
@2020 Your description of your new home is refreshing. I don't enjoy my clutter piles, though I also do not perseverate over them. Thanks for sharing!
5
@2020
"If we are truthful, we realize, you mostly never go back and read any of the books that collect on too many shelves in the home and eventually contain paper worms."
Actually, no I disagree. I do go back and re-read many of my books. I pare down my collection by donating the books that are not my favorites, but my favorites I keep and there are many of them. Perhaps going to the library would suite some better than buying books.
16
@2020
When you declutter, it can be hard to find homes for some things unless you choose the landfill. Goodwill often won't take furniture, and even Buy Nothing doesn't get it all gone. However, books are one thing that are EASY to get rid of. Goodwill and library donations always work. So I don't feel pressured to get rid of books, because I can shed them instantly en masse the second I decide to. This is not true of technology, a lot of furniture, frames, small appliances that look gross or are semi-broken, exercise equipment, skis etc. They are just a headache.
6
My rule: One square foot per day. De clutter it, sorting and tossing.
I have sold more than 4,000 items on eBay since 3000, a lot of it mine though a good bit of it were collectibles from two hoarders in the family. Of course most went to older folks, as Millennials and Zs seem to have little interest in all the stuff piling up in storage units.
In both cases, “twee” turned to squalor at some point. Yes, clutter causes stress. It leads to depression, vermin in the piles, even house fires.
Toss, recycle, sell, cherish a few chosen things.
14
@Peak Oiler
I have seen eaten paper filled with bugs and worms in the desk of a hoarder coworker. She, amazingly, ignores it and lives with it at home and work until someone called the Health Department to the workplace fearing bug infestations spreading, which she brought to the office. She is still working at age 77 and her house is unlivable with rain coming in over her bed. Her neighbors tried to get her out of her own house which was her parents home. Remember the story of the Collyer Brothers of Harlem who died in their homes and were buried under 140 tons of piles of boxes, papers and detritus at their death. It is amazing that so many people attach themselves to lifeless things and cannot seem to throw anything away to their own detriment.
15
@2020 some trauma, like Miss Havisham in Dickens' novel, drives them to it. My friend who was a hoarder lived in a house falling to bits around him, without a working bathroom.
Yet despite unemployment, he could part with nothing. He stayed online all night playing games on Steam, instead of auctioning off, say, comic books on eBay. I bought some from his executor after he passed, and turned $150 into $1500 in a week.
Some hoarders have the means to survive, but they cannot part with anything. They'd rather die. That's the burden of clutter, to me.
10
My daughter has hoarder tendencies (at the moment you could call her a clutterer) and I fear for her and anyone close to her as she ages. But I do think a single trait of hers may be at the core of her problem, the inability to make decisions, to choose one thing over another. I’ve often wondered whether ADD is the diagnosis, but long ago when a young child I was told she didn’t have it. Maybe that diagnosis was wrong. Now she seeks adderall to fix her problems.
3
Living in an apartment, I have to make choices and declutter all the time. Last year I sold a family home that had been built by my grand-parents. There were many boxes filled with papers. Going through them I learned a lot about my ancestors. It was interesting to find notarial acts about acquisitions of land in the days when lots were not even numbered. It would say: the lot between the one of the widow such and such and the one of Mr. so and so the carpenter. All in beautiful handwriting. I scanned quite a few. There were also old school notebooks. It actually made me regret that I don't have the space to keep more things.
14
One of my biggest clutter problem is books. We must have over 10,000 between my spouse, me, and our two adult kids (who don’t live with us). We all mostly read electronic books for the past several years, but I’m too sentimentally attached to old books. Any suggestions?
9
@jen
I adore my books and have many, but they all double as decor. They can be organized by color/size/type of binding. My last apartment had some beautiful built-in shelves, and after I added dimmable lighting and organized the books by color, they became the most commented-on part of my decor.
You also can’t be afraid to use your vertical space and stash collapsible footstools in multiple rooms. And remember that they don’t all have to live together— you can add one of those storage cube side tables to your favorite reading chair and stick it with books, and you can give your cookbooks their own shelf or cabinet in the kitchen, and books related to your job can have their own nook by your desk or home office, etc.
Google all the ways people decorate with *fake* books, and you might find some inspiration for your real ones ;-)
5
@Christina Great ideas! I love it!
3
@jen
Library donation. Also, Goodwill always takes books to my knowledge. Easy to get rid of books. Just don't collect skis
5
When I was growing up in the 60s there were no storage facilities to rent in our town...now there's several dozen. Things can own us if we let them.
16
@Tom
Storage facilities are the saddest of things around. Just metal boxes to contain more clutter we cannot fit in our houses. Ridiculous and to those who have decluttered, we know how incredibly mentally freeing it is to not have to keep that mental inventory of where things are. It looks horrible and old and dirty to keep all that stuff you never really reference again. One of our best purchases, a shredder. Organization and a place for everything contains the clutter too. The gas company where I live just started mailing 6 page gas bills because their survey found people wanted more information. I scratch my head.
10
Clutter bothers me yes, but the kind of clutter that bothers me isn't the kind that I can shop less for. It is paper, bills, etc. (and despite going so paperless) it is pills (the medicines are impossible to contain, it is those small items that you need occasionally but almost never and there seems to be no way to contain them in such a way that they are accessible and easy to find (and also easy to put away) and not cluttered. It drives me nuts. You can't just throw out half a jar of (blank) because you use it every 3-6 months. Or the tick remover because you use it periodically in the summer or tons of items just like that. So that they stay out longer, or are hard to find.
20
I like the stuff I've managed to hold on from birth thru about 20 years old, but I've noticed that anything I acquired after that has little to no meaning to me. One sofa, for example, is as good as another as long as I can stretch out on Sunday afternoon to read a book and take a nap. But you'll have to pry my teddy bear, from my cold dead hands. Or I'll make it easy for you--bury me with them!
I don't like dusting. I hope when I retire in a few years that I'll finally get into it. With a full time job and only me cleaning it's not a priority.
18
So, it’s not the clutter, but one’s perception of the clutter that causes stress? Maybe the solution is just chill out. Your kids can just clean out the dump after you pass on (but not from a stress-induced malady). 😂
20
@Ockham9 “For some reason, people seemed more stressed about their homes when we started asking them a bunch of questions about clutter”
10
I feel *so* caught.
4
Well, in my house, defining clutter is the problem. I lean toward keep stuff and my partner is fanatical about tossing things out. I go through the trash and retrieve things when she's not looking, and my stuff disappears when I'm off on a business trip. Can't seem to find the right balance. One of us is always irritated.
5
@Ray can you give some examples of things you retrieve from the trash?
2
@Ray
If I could throw out my wife's things and she could throw out mine it would soon all be gone.
5
One man’s clutter is another man’s stuff. George Carlin’s take on Stuff (see it on YouTube) is hilarious and deserves a watch before tackling decluttering.
11
Maybe people have less time to clean and organize their homes because they are spending too much time at work.
23
@Stephanie Wood
And so many professionals are home now and they still have not lifted a finger to clean or organize. Both thankless chores. What are people doing with the extra time of not having to put on makeup, shave their face, dress completely, commute sometimes two hours each way, park and drag themselves kicking and screaming to he office which pays them and gives them benefits and retirement and health insurance. If you think anyone is doing anything to address themselves with the extra time they always talk about you are kidding yourself. The time is filled with nonsense facebook posts and spending extra time sleeping, eating and gaining weight. A little movement around the house in the form of cleaning and decluttering would be welcomed. It is clear to me why people do not want to have to go back to the workplace to work. I believe working from home is nonsense and all should return to the office environment to get work done for real.
7
Wow, this is a whole lot of cruel judgment against people you don’t know doing or not doing things that don’t affect you one whit. Do you really need to put others down to feel better about yourself? Perhaps you can declutter some unpleasant personality traits.
For the record, I’m a declutter type of person and have a knack for helping other people clear out clutter and restore order when it becomes too stressful for them. However, I don’t judge them by my personal preferences because it’s not about me. We each have different strengths and weaknesses. Some of those people you judge so harshly are up several times a night with babies, or up early with toddlers, or run miles per day to deal with stress and depression. Do you do these things? Should you be judged as lazy and useless because you don’t? You have no idea what others are truly dealing with. Either offer to lend a helping hand or hush up.
10
It’s not a question of being judgmental, but I do wonder why someone feels the need to rise so early and work so hard to destress through hard exercise. Perhaps the stress itself is caused by the cluttering. The study indicates that cortisol levels are high in clutterers. That’s not healthy.
1
I'm laughing because this article is over two years old. I guess this is a perfect example of recycling!
Yes, start with the daily mail. Answer it, file it, recycle it, shred it. Just don't leave days, weeks, months of accumulation on the kitchen counter - and don't put it all in a box and never get to it (I recently found such a box of mail - not mine - containing mail dating back 3 years - dealing with the mail seems to be a problem for many people).
eBay, Craigslist, yard sales, etc. Your stuff - if you've taken care of it - isn't necessarily junk. It's become clutter because you no longer need - or perhaps never needed it. It may have a purpose in someone else's life. Pass it along.
12
@the more I love my dogs
And those with the hoarder email boxes at work are to some degree as disorganized at work as at home and loath to toss emails too. They collect and clog the mind as they hang to be read and replied to or filed. A huge email box is like clutter at home. A decision delayed but always hanging.
4
This is an American problem. When my daughter moved to Australia, she mentioned to a new friend that this was the first place she ever lived in that didn’t have walk-in closets. New friend was truly perplexed. “What would you put in a walk-in closet?” , she asked.
10
Everyone has a smartphone, now, right? When I was getting rid of some clothes that I'd never wear again but had kept because of inertia and some memories they held, I simply laid them out and took a picture. Did the same with other non-clothing items. Memory-jogging ability retained, physical space acquired. Just make sure your pictures get backed up.
9
"It is best as one grows older to strip oneself of possessions, to shed oneself downward like a tree, to be almost wholly earth before one dies." From Lolly Willowes by Sylvia Townsend Warner.
29
So lovely. Thank you.
A favorite book of mine of this topic of aging and possessions is “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” by Magareta Magnusson, a wise woman who gives her age as “somewhere between 80 and 100”. It’s a little gem of a book.
4
I had great hopes for Covid quarantine - I built a shed, but now it’s so full I can barely open the door, and I can’t remember what’s in there.
17
I taught myself years ago, whenever I’d think “I need more storage space” to immediately counter with “You need less stuff.” I learned this lesson by helping others move, or organize closets or, in one case, deal with the hoarded apartment of an elderly relative when she was hospitalized and could no longer live alone. Whenever I complete a task like cleaning and organizing our garage, or other spaces in our home, and let go of possessions either by donating or recycling or taking to the dump, I say a preemptive, for lack of a better word, “you’re welcome” to my adult children because it’ll be one less big task they won’t be burdened with someday. For the task of thoroughly cleaning out and organizing our garage, I enlisted the help of my them 11 year old granddaughter. She was great company and a big help and she appreciated the money I paid her. She was also completely non judgmental which is key in a project helper.
4
Don't understand the fuzz about liking or disliking clutter. If people like collecting it, their choice. If they don't, clear it out. Don't judge other people on how they live, that is my motto. So, please don't judge me, wether I have or haven't clutter. Doesn't mean anything. Life is too short and there are more important issues.
9
@QED
That isn't what this article is about. It is about people who live with clutter which stresses them but they are unable to deal with it.
As one such person I found it a valuable read.
The 2 experts agreeing at the end that a good solution is to learn to not purchase more things is not much help to me. I already figured that part, but am left with the other problems mentioned - attachment to the items, and procrastination.
16
@QED
Everyone isn’t always judging you. Lighten up. The article is about measuring stress levels of cortisol, as one example of a health impact of over consumption.
6
Apart from those precious little personal possessions, my home and garage are full of things that I still might need one day. From shirts to tools to materials to child seats to extra bikes. Occasionally, I have a through out orgy, putting things on the curb or donate to charity. And a month later a situation comes up where I need exactly what I got rid of, and then I go out and buy it again. I can't win.
18
@sissifus
I worked for 10 years as a move manager helping people prepare for moves - which usually meant helping them reduce the quantity of their possessions. Often through the process my clients would challenge their thinking that if they give the item away or throw it out, they will need it again. Instead of regretting the one item you gave away and then needed, celebrate the 100 items you gave away or got rid of and never needed again. That's the win.
21
I love this! I would love your job. I’ve done it many times as a non professional. It’s satisfying to help people find some “freedom from the tyranny of possessions” as an elderly friend of mine described it, when she moved from a huge family home to a small cozy apartment. I learned so much from her, on this topic and others.
2
For me, the opposite is true. Rooms with bare surfaces, half-empty shelves, and few books or personal items have no personality and make me nervous.
It is always assumed that what is rudely called clutter is a stressor. Being surrounded (not literally) by beloved objects can be calming. There is an enormous difference between stacks of old magazines that no one will ever read and collections, childhood possessions, or the souvenirs of travel.
32
@GreaterMetropolitanArea When I was locked away last year -- I appreciated my well-curated collections more that ever. There was always a landscape to explore and often re-arrange. I am a film designer by trade and feel like possessions tell the story of a life. Clutter to me is a meaningless mess that tells a different story -- of a clogged life. And I agree, a white box of a room usually feels cold and soulless
10
@GreaterMetropolitanArea
So right! Clutter might be a pile of bills, carpentry projects to do, a pile of books to be read. Only a stressor if other people are judging or you simply don't have time because you spend more time reading to your kids and juggling work than living in a sterile environment. So what! if we didn't have collectors, we wouldn't have museums, rare books, beautiful objects of the past. My clutter is a delight, amazing illustrated woodcut books from the 1930's, drawings that some talented individual imprinted their soul on etc. This Puritanism of Style is so annoying! Since 'Hoarders' came on TV, I have been called one even though my home is tidy, not trashy. 'Oh you have a lot of stuff!' . My reply is 'You have no stuff, how boring'.
7
I like that the article differentiated between collectors and clutter bugs and hoarders. I myself need non cluttered spaces in my home to feel less anxious, but I’m fascinated when I visit people with collections whether it be vintage Barbies, or art, or travel mementos. I’ve cleaned a hoarded home so I definitely don’t conflate hoarding with collections, there’s an obvious difference starting with smell. My only thought about collectors is I hope there is someone designated to deal with items upon tge collector’s passing, who will be generously compensated for the immense amount of time and effort it will take to properly deal with thousands or tens of thousands of items.
3
This article assumes so much privilege. Part of my “clutter” is boxes and boxes of hand-me-downs that my kids have yet to grow into but for which I am incredibly grateful. Never mind the fact that I live in a home that is large enough for my kids to each have their own room - a position that many families are not able to afford. Cramped living quarters - especially with children - will make any home feel cluttered, no matter how “minimalist” the family might try to be.
28
Thank you! I have a small home, 900 sq feet. No basement and no attic. Two kids, and two adults live in it. There just isn’t any space where we can store things so it constantly looks cluttered despite my never-ending attempts to make it look more organized. I’ve gotten rid of anything we don’t need, except for a few sentimental items. It’s a daily stressor for me, but not my husband as he doesn’t really help with the housework and could live in a gutter and be perfectly fine. My kitchen space is 6ftX6ft and I have to constantly RE-arrange stuff in the cabinets whenever I go to cook or need something. It’s gotten to the point where I want to “accidentally” tip over a candle and just walk away and see what happens!! I’m joking of course! But boy is it frustrating. We would like to move but thanks to the COVID market bubble there are no affordable homes to purchase here in Vermont.
10
@Violet
It sounds to me as if you are managing very well and gracefully.
A 6X6 kitchen just barely functions for that size of family. Of course, a lot of New Yorkers have that size.
Even in my somewhat larger kitchen I have to do the move things around dance.
You don't really want to burn everything down. But when you get that feeling it probably is time to call a family meeting and talk about what could help.
4
I don’t have a clutter issue because I rarely go shopping. Spend money only on groceries. When children come, we get take-outs or go out for dinners. We used to travel pre-pandemic, not any more. As a result, don’t have credit card debt and live a simple, basic, peaceful life. Happiness for me is being in nature, walks outside, rest, relax, read, volunteer work and spending time with friends and family. Since pandemic changed that, now I work remotely, generally cook at home and rest.
27
I overcame my clutter problem about 7 years ago. It was absolutely an issue with being a procrastinator. Making yourself do things that aren’t fun, takes resolve. But getting rid of clutter has been the best thing I have ever done for myself.
50
This is interesting. I hate “clutter” but I love what I’ve
collected and the inherited antiques from family.
Our problem is living in a 18th century house with tiny
closets and absolutely no storage. Our cellar is huge but not suitable for storage: way too damp. We find
ourselves constantly giving items to charity because
it’s overwhelming to look at ones possessions daily.
Sometimes I think how wonderful huge closets would be but then realize I’ll have to face these items at some point.
As overused as the phrase is: truly a first world issue.
28
@Deirdre LaMotte
Could you run a dehumidifier?
Mine drains straight into a sump pump and so does not have to be monitored or emptied.
My basement is damp without one but by having it I can actually keep linens and blankets down there on big wire shelves. There is nowhere else to put them as I also have a closet issue in an older house.
1
@Consuelo
Good idea but many of the houses built in the 1700's have a dirt or stone basement that was never waterproofed. No dehumidifier stands a chance against that.
1
If you have a clutter problem, there are one of two issues you can address: you either have too much stuff, or not enough storage. Less stuff is always the better fix in the long run. This is not a paean to white-walled minimalism. Try living in an old house: the functionality (and spareness) of prewar living spaces might cause you to take inventory of wants vs needs.
19
@BC or you have a reasonable amount of stuff and storage, but struggle with other tasks, like putting things away when you’re done with them or handling your mail/paperwork promptly or managing your time and energy overall
7
There's an element of self-erasure in disposing of things. You say, I won't do that anymore. I used to do that with that but probably won't anymore.
There are the art supplies that you used to work with and haven't for a long time and probably won't again, but maybe. There are the sewing supplies that you used to make costumes with, designed clothes that you and the family wore -- ah, but will you do that anymore?
Things express the you that you were. Very easy for someone else to dispose, discard, have no associations with items, don't visualize the rooms and people and scenes where some items existed.
When the you is gone, let them be tossed.
78
@geeb
My sentiments exactly. I will leave behind enough money to pay for someone else to dispose of my items because I prefer to spend my remaining time here on earth doing more enjoyable and productive things than dealing with clutter. Of course, there's a limit -- if my things or my commitments begin to stress me, I pare back. I also try to be careful about taking on new things and commitments.
19
You so so eloquently nailed it as to why it can be so hard to de clutter
9
@Carole
Thanks for mentioning allocating funds for someone to take care of your collected things when necessary. I have spent months disposing of three households in recent years and will likely have a few more in the near future. All folks who had no interest in pairing down and left the unpleasant task to others when they were gone. It was physically and emotionally draining and, frankly, I resent it. I am committed to not leaving a mess to my children.
26
Clutter can also come from having insufficient or inefficient storage space, especially for apartments dwellers often faced with very limited closet and cabinet space, especially in the newer, small apartments out there. They then have to be willing to get creative and try to find and buy additional cabinets, trunks, storage ottomans, and armoires (what I’ve done), that will fit in the limited space they have to provide the additional storage they need. It then can take a lot of time to organize stuff and then you need to keep inventory lists so you don’t forget where you put some things. But it is rewarding once it’s all done.
19
@LRS except it’s never all done— if you buy more cabinets, trunks, etc., you run the risk that those things will not fit, or fit well, into your next apartment. That shelving unit that fit so nicely behind the door of your last place is now itself more clutter with no natural home, and you can choose to live with it, toss it and absorb the loss, or somehow find the time in your busy day to sell it for a fraction of what you paid for it.
Especially in places where tenants are not protected from landlords’ desire to substantially jack up the rent every year, buying storage furniture is not necessarily a workable or prudent solution
2
I am the opposite of one mention in this story. I can't bear it when someone holds something up to me and asks me if I need it. I would always say yes. I need to hold the object to release it.
25
@PrairieFlax -- I thought that "tip" totally off base too....
8
When we look at the forest floor, the word clutter would certainly apply, yet we can realize from this mosaic of mess, the incredible beauty of Life itself.
A simple mind enjoys limited stimulus, but for the creative mind, we see amazing possibilities.
61
@Fred Armstrong My creativity flourishes in an empty space. We don't all need visual prompts.
5
A creative mind isn’t superior to a “simple” mind, each has their strengths. A simpler mind can often find focus more easily and has space for differing opinions and preferences, without the need to be judgmental and defensive.
3
I am in the house design business (architect), for 40 years now. Some spaces seem cluttered, and as many here have pointed out, are actually wonderful rooms with many captivating layers. I recently saw a picture of Einstein in his Princeton study and the stacks of paper and folders sent shivers up my more OCD spine. But apparently, it did not bother him, affect his mood or hamper his genius! Some people can’t operate in orderly looking environments.
Likewise, the occasional minimal space is much appreciated or even envied by me as long as it’s not too sterile. All that is to say, we are all different and to generalize conclusions might not be easily done.
But one pet peeve I do have, and this is not to throw shade at some very talented people but maybe the industry, is the way people hire others (decorators/interior designers) to furnish and stage their own lives. It can look great, but I much more respect the personal touch, where over time, through ones life, a person comes to own and keep things of personal significance and meaning. They are really two categories, one for photographing and one ...true.
94
@MG
One must distinguish home space versus work space. My work space is cluttered because that's how I work and remember things as I continually come across the items. Organization at work makes me forget stuff sSincen I mentally feel like I have "taken care of it".
But at home, clutter does stress me. I'm not able to relax and feel cooped in.
6
@MG Also see a famous pic of Piaget in his officer. Clutter gets a bad rap.
3
@MG I have also noticed this re: interior decorators in my peer group of professional class people in their 30s and 40s. Walls are filled with mass-produced "decor" an interior designer picks all at once. And that's to decorate an all neutral room. Just very bland. You hardly ever see a home even with interesting curtains or wallpaper anymore. If you're lucky you may see a colorful throw pillow or something, and that's it!
11
Years ago I divorced and moved from a fully furnished, 4 bedroom house with a garage that could not hold a car for all the items in it. I moved to a 1-bedroom condo. I took very little with me.
I cannot tell you the relief I felt having few items. It felt like an anchor had been lifted from around my neck (probably for more reasons than one!) and I suddenly had all this time to do so many other things away from the house. It was heavenly.
For several years I added items here and there VERY carefully. But then I met someone new. Wonderful relationship, but he's a collector. Ugh. Fortunately most of his collections have been relegated to a "special" room, but I do find there is spillover. Our house together has slowly filled up. Now, getting older, we are starting to tackle the too many items we have and he is willingly giving up some of the collections. It IS difficult, but I keep remembering that feeling of lightness and freedom I felt with few possessions in the small condo and I'd love to get back to it, though hopefully this time I'll take the husband!
45
@a commenter
I felt relieved to lose a lot of my items in an earthquake. Gone the bad decisions and the unwanted gifts that I felt I could not say no to. I now live in a 550 square foot apartment. It's heaven!
8
One personal clutter is another’s path to clutter. Like dirt and dust,
it just transcends boundaries.
3
I too looked at the photo at the beginning of the article and thought "this is an interesting room."
Just recently, I discovered the art of William Michael Harnett and John Peto. Stuff as an art form!
26
This article might help many whose lives are dictated by clutter. I have one room where my clutter ends up, and I regularly go in, think about it, and then close the door. I've done this for over a year now. The rest of my house is well organized and tidy, but that room is such a nagging companion to my perfectionist self, and I sometimes wonder if that's the point (counterpoint)?
20
@Mem Agree! After raising children and moving from a house owned for twenty-five years -- jettisoned lots and lots of clutter. But what's left is concentrated in one space. The (large) garage. We put shelving in to solve the problem. But, still -- I look at the boxes (many of photos); sigh; and walk out. And remind myself I need to do something so my daughter doesn't have to deal with it. Perhaps tomorrow?
14
@Awestruck
Why not see if your daughter would be willing to help with getting rid of some of this stuff? It's possible she is ready to inherit certain items she is more fond of than you may have guessed? This way you can be sure if she wants it or not. Could be a bonding experience
7
So many comments and not a mention of the Collier Brothers!
Here in the desert, we seem to have the world’s epicenter of junk collection - not just inside houses (and even businesses) but outside. Many places in our beautiful desert are sullied with absolute mountains of stuff - junk, as in a junkyard, really - not just the leftovers and excesses of living, including long dead and valueless vehicles, construction and farm equipment - people truck in old poles, old major appliances like washers and refrigerators, windows and doors, lumber from dismantled buildings, piles of used pipes, sheets of rusted corrugated metals, broken glass... really anything and everything and the authorities do nothing about it as it’s an accepted part of desert life just beyond the edges of civilization.
I am something of a minimalist, but a lot of this obsessive hoarding and collecting seems to me a definite mental disease: piling up of stuff against an imagined later urgent need or shortage, a compulsion based on fear and dread of want.
Snakes and rats don’t mind the piles of stuff and don’t much care whether it’s outside or inside somebody’s house.
16
And of course, those who revel in clutter are married to those who don’t.
38
Stress and clutter is a chicken and egg situation. Yes, the clutter makes you feel stress. But because you're stressed (maybe are very busy in life), you can't or won't address the clutter. Looking at my clutter makes me stressed, but the stress makes me want to get out of my house and do other things instead of cleaning. Best advice -- really think twice about buying stuff!!
35
@Treetop It's difficult for me to resist a bargain, although over the years I have gotten better about this. And I do save $ buying in bulk at a discount but then I have to store it until its time to start using it up.
1
Clutter is the critical level of accumulation which prevents me from accomplishing a fast cleaning up of the space.
23
There comes a point where the declutterers become as obsessive as the hoarders. I see both as a mental illness.
53
Sorted by "Reader Picks", the prepandemic comments here are GOLD!
9
Yea, it gets old fast reminding your family, until you realize YOU are the biffest hoarder: multiple crafts-multiple supplies, a scarf collection that rivals no other (never mind I haven't worn some of them in over 10 years), clothes that will someday fit. The answer: list it all on Poshmark or eBay. I've found that I'm certainly eager to let it go to someone else if the offer is right. For other stuff, I either donate or use in my crafts (3 Etsy shops), headbands being the current obsession.
6
A life well lived means a home well stocked with the accoutrements required by such a life.
Bunny Williams in her book 'Point of View" said it right:
"When you open a door into someone's home, you are walking into a physical manifestation of their personality."
The key: Knowing what you value is essential.
33
A cluttered home is an unclean home. Can't stand stuff everywhere. Once people start "stacking" things instead of putting them away they are on the hoarder highway.
18
Seems to me to be a collum on Sniches star belled or not. The accusation seems to be stuff or clean desk messy desk. There are excesses on both ends hoarders and those whose living space look as tho no one lives there. It has been fun this last year when many reporters and politicians report from home. What are we to make of one with clutter and charging cords dangling around, another who has a decorator fake book like it in a law office. One arranges their books by color. Another has no books but awards. Would it even be an issue if the walls were covered with art and paintings? What of Julia Child's kitchen full of stuff mostly unused, but for the fact that she loved the stuff. We could go and look at the birds of paradise and their collection. My personal preference would be for the clutter that the person loves as to bare cell or room that has no signs of active life. What does the person that lives in that space love?
17
How do you find your books if you arrange them by color? I know where to find Russian or Swedish or Spanish literature, or Wodehouse and Bennett, but I would never find them if they were segregated by color.
7
@Stephanie Wood
Thank goodness you mentioned this silly trend of organizing books by color. It is a decorating "thing". But totally useless for someone who might want to read the books. Same for the trend of nailing a picture on a bookcase in front of the books.
9
@Thinking Person
That blocking the bookcase idea...just bizarre.
1
So sick of this "clutter" shaming. For one thing, how do you define clutter? I'd say maybe that vegetable peeler from the 1970s that you never use is clutter. But books? If it's a novel that you read ten years ago and have no desire to read again, then yes. But if you don't understand why people have books around them that they have not gotten around to reading but look forward to one day, you are not a reader. There comes that time in the middle of the night when you realize that's just the right time for it.
79
@theresa
agreed : books are not “clutter”
7
@Theresa Yes THIS!! I have many unread books and as I slowly winnow them out the favorites remain and the rest are donated. I love looking at my colorful bookshelves, with varying heights and thicknesses. Most books are sorted according to topics: horses, dogs, animals, fly fishing, skiing, gardens, permaculture, golf, cooking, perennials, annuals, trees, novels, non-fiction, children's, poetry, biographies; I guess that's all.
My unread books, like old letters and cards from people I have loved, are a wonderland of happiness and contentment.
7
The sense of the article seems to be: "If you are bothered by clutter, clutter bothers you." You either need to deal with your clutter or deal with your concern for clutter.
16
Golly that photo looks like heaven to me. To be able to go to a bookshelf and pull out the exact book and quote you need at 3 AM is an abiding joy.
34
The picture used to illustrate this article presents a room of someone who seems to lead an interesting and cultured life. It is also aesthetically pleasing and attractively lit. I would like to meet this person-of-clutter.
78
And then there is The House of 20,000 Books. Imagine how much fun that would be!
1
In a nutshell, life is clutter. Who has a house that looks like the layouts in Architectural Digest? They are lovely, but devoid of personality. If you live, breathe and do, you will have stuff. The longer you live, breathe and do, the more stuff you will have acquired. Our living spaces are a testament to our existence. If someone decides that my home environment is psychologically harmful, then I guess that’s one less guest in my home. Live and let be.
54
@Demosthenes Love this.
6
I love harmony and, to me, harmony means space. I know that some people think harmony is boring, but when a crisis occurs, in a harmonious uncluttered space, everything is easy to find and the crises is easy to tackle. In a cluttered home, a crises is occurring every day, because people are always looking for stuff and they can’t find it, so when a real crisis occurs, people become overwhelmed and unable to cope and they can’t find anything. The crises takes over.
Harmony and space let’s me build things, create things, plan things, go beyond. In a cluttered space and home, time is used up looking for stuff, panicking. Getting out the door of a cluttered home is a big deal. In a uncluttered home, I sail out the door thinking about other stuff, and not exhausted and frustrated and worried about being late.
28
This! Letting go of clutter and setting things in order isn’t primarily about how it looks, it’s very much about how it functions. I don’t want to spend time searching for keys or other items, or moving stacks of things around every time I want to do something. I want stuff to serve me, not the other way around.
11
I must admit I do find and collect“ things that I see as useful for a future “project“ and then as my eyes are always bigger than my ability to complete (the deed). I love to exercise my mind with a notional idea that REUSE rather than recycle or throw away is the best thing for the world… Although I don’t have much space left to complete anymore “projects “. In my waning , years, before my pump gives out, I’d like to use my mind exercise my mind in collecting metal and various odd shapes that will work out to some, or a shape that will become part of some implement — a self grabbing log hook for example made up of spring steel from a sports car or something (for my new 20 year old 29 HP tractor); I have a lot of yard debris that needs to be mulched up so I’m going to buy, (Oh no! $2500! from Amazidiot ) a tree chipper to mount on the back of my tractor and use it to mulch up all the burnable deciduous & lower limbs from the trees on my property to reduce the main fire (Conductor) hazard in what is practically the epicenter of CZU lightning complex fire— I survived without burning but there’s always the future of global warming — forget recycling reuse! Recycling takes a lot of energy just to melt down bottles to make soft drinks for people to guzzle down and buy more plastic soft drinks!
4
I can't wait till minimalism and all the moral lectures that come with it, go out of style. Let me give you a tip. The key to enjoying stuff and not worrying about it, is just to not worry about it. So you have to move papers on your desk, or something. So what. It's not a big deal.
37
It is for me. I hate having to move things and dust cluttered surfaces. That being said, I love antiques and flee markets. So, yeah, I have a problem.
8
is flee markets a Freudian slip?
6
I would like to say how much I appreciate and use this paper's "Saved for Later" feature, which now contains this very article.
18
Hmm, let’s see: we can’t save our favorite things, we can’t eat, we can’t go outside anymore, we can’t breathe the air-even indoors, we can’t….(pick your favorite.) And all this is backed up by scientific research. Cortisol is bad for you! See the statistics in your favorite search engine. I, too, will clutter up my “save for later” file here and go have my donut and coffee.
9
I only read the Times online now, so I no longer have the clutter of newspapers (or something to scoop the cat crap into), but I do miss the novelty puzzles in the magazine, especially the biweekly acrostics and diagramless puzzles. Do they still print those?
1
Actually YOU can do whatever you want to do!
This article is meant for people who are either stressed by clutter or who are just interested in the subject —which seems to be a lot of people.
1
I always laugh mockingly at people, like this author, who describe books as clutter. Always will.
53
I’m a reader. I own books. I appreciate books. Books can absolutely be hoarded. Pretending that because they are books they aren’t clutter always makes me laugh. Stacks and stacks and overflowing shelves and rooms filled with dusty musty books that no one can enjoy because they are moldering away is just greedy. It’s also a huge burden for the person who has to have them hauled off when the book hoarder dies.
3
@ Justice for America, it’s not the books, it’s all the other junk, yes, junk, all over the room.
1
I despise clutter. I can't work with a messy desk or home or kitchen. I left a marriage because my ex couldn't throw anything away. He was also a mean disorganized OCD mess so maybe these traits are intertwined. I hate waste so I do spend a lot of extra time figuring out good homes for stuff. Right now I am deliberating over the fate of framed law diplomas and awards which I don't want to drag home to a remote office. Do I really throw them away? If you have less, you spend less time taking care of things, and you gain time not looking for what you need. But please don't litter the earth: find a good home for your clutter unless it's trash, in which case out it goes. But please buy less next time. You are cluttering the planet.
26
@Me
The Zen saying that works for me is "A wealthy person has few needs". I hate clutter too, but being a tinkerer, that bin full of metal parts or that corner in the garage with scrap wood are resources, not clutter. I can do without the decorative stuff that people fill their homes with, though. Tables are not for holding plants, lamps, photos or boxes of cereal. Shelves are not places for ten year old receipts.
And with everyone decluttering, there are few good homes for the barely worth it stuff we're trying to get rid of. Can you use an old lawn mower that burns oil? Asking for a friend.
5
Take a photograph and let the actual item go.
3
I found that people having too many children were cluttering up my old neighborhood, so were all their parked cars, idling school buses, and excess development, so I left. Best decluttering I ever did in my life!
5
One reason a stay in a hotel feels refreshing to me is that it lacks clutter of any kind.
48
@Marilyn Mitchell or the people at home who didn’t accompany you to that hotel.
16
I'm laughing because this article is over two years old. I guess this is a perfect example of recycling!
Yes, start with the daly mail. File it, recycle it, shred it. Just don't leave days, weeks, months of accumulation on the kitchen counter - and don't put it all in a box and never get to it (I found a big box of mail dating back 3 years the other day - my partner can't handle the daily mail sorting and this was the option he chose).
eBay, Craigslist, yard sales, etc. Your stuff - if you've taken care of it - isn't necessarily junk. It's become clutter because you no longer need - or perhaps never needed it. It may have a purpose in someone else's life. Gift it.
7
A helpful way to keep clutter at bay is to have a box somewhere in your home and when you see something you don't want anymore put it in the box. Regularly take it to a charity shop of some kind and start again.
18
@the more I love my dogs
The best way to look at the mail is next to the paper recycle bin. it would be helpful if they sold US postal mail boxes with a bin below for the useless mail and we could return all the flyers, ads and solicitations to the senders at their cost.
17
@the more I love my dogs
A big part of my clutter problem is the ridiculous amount of unsolicited mail I get. It's a job just to deal with it, and it makes me angry because I can't seem to stop it.
9
I am weary of the unsubstantiated assertion that women clean more more solely because of societal norms that hold them accountable for domestic work. I’ll bet people’s personal housekeeping styles intensified, but did not change direction, during the pandemic period when homes had no visitors. Women just seem to be more embarrassed by poor housekeeping while men will take a “none of your business” stance.
As a person who finds a tidy space calming and pleasant, I try to keep my surroundings that way. I married into a family where the clutter gene is dominant among both women and men. To them, an empty surface is just a place to put stuff down. Once it is there, they seem not to see it.
My spouse and I have worked to compromise and adapt to each other, in this as in many things. But when one of us us away on a trip, either spouse left home has the same reaction, “Oh, good! Now I don’t have to clean up for a while. “
13
I'm a woman, I'm single, and I live a bit like Oscar Madison, with an occasional attack of cleanliness. I will drink juice right out of the bottle, eat popcorn out of the bag, hang out in sweats in the house, and let the bed get overrun with stuff before I change the sheets once a week. Sometimes the bedside table looks like that cartoon in The New Yorker where the books are skyscraper high and ready to topple on a terrified couple in their bed. It's really nice not to have a spouse to nag me about it; when I get fed up with the mess, I tidy it up and feel great but utterly exhausted for a few days.
2
Clutter. One of the many symptoms of affluenza. And, you don't have to be wealthy to contract affluenza.
8
Don’t bother holding on to things in case the children or grandchildren want them. They don’t. I have a Millennial and a Gen Z. Younger generations are less and less interested in stuff and more interested in experiences. Don’t saddle them with “stuff”.
27
@Joli My daughters might not want my “stuff” but my grandchildren love the wooden puzzles and trains, books, and dollhouse that their moms played with.
25
I keep things and look at them periodically and recall the memories associated with all of them. It gives me a warm feeling and I smile a lot, and run into the other room and ask my wife if she remembers this and she looks at it and says no, and then I explain it and t3hen she says yes, I kind of remember that. I enjoy it a lot. Sher is a tosser.
16
Just looking at the photograph, made me feel unsettled.
8
@pollyb1 This is key, I think. Present company excepted, people who need to be in a clear environment become truly unsettled. This is what should be studied--the drive of some people to control their environment and their inability to accept anything but what they want their surroundings to be. A demand to have their own way.
10
@Mary Zambrana That may be true but, perhaps, just hard wiring: I also prefer the desert to the forest.
3
"Clutter" is a very imprecise term. The same items may be clutter or not, depending on whether they are organized in a way that is visually pleasing or useful to their curator. My house is like a museum of eccentric memorabilia, such as printing presses, books and interesting items of deeply rusted cast iron. Rummaging in corners, I'm often surprised by the both quirky and useful items found that I had completely forgotten I own, so the exhibits often change. I think it must have been reading all those Sherlock Holmes books as a kid. I wanted my own personal 221B Baker Street when I grew up (though that never really happened). While I will always have a lot of things to get rid of despite periodic purges, my most satisfying "decluttering" experiences of late have involved organizing things, like long neglected kitchen drawers, in a way that restores their usefulness or amuses the eyes. What's old becomes new!
15
Think CHAOS: Can't have anyone over syndrome. In the past I was bad about keeping things picked up and somewhat organized. My mother stopped by to visit one time and I was embarrassed that I had no place ready for her to sit. Stuff was piled everywhere. I've since then learned my lesson. My house is in much better shape now for anyone to come by--not perfect, but livable.
20
@Margaret I'm so proud of you, Margaret. What a step in the right direction!
2
Talk about a lightweight, uninformative, superficial gloss, generally stating the obvious.
Now is an inflection point of revolutionary change in a capitalistic society based on acquisition. We live in upheaval, and rapidly changing standards with few touch-points of truth and permanence and almost no day-to-day guidelines of value in a here-today-gone-tomorrow way of living.
One more item for the trash pile of history, an uninformative article on the evils of clutter.
I'm always interested in solid, thoughtful, synthesizing, helpful insights into the way we live now. Don't always get that. More often, like this, warmed over yesterday's gruel.
16
@ted Yes thank you absolutely! Lots of "filler" in the New York Times when they could be covering the epidemic of Judicial Corruption in our country. Why won't the press cover the Lawyers, Judges and Court Clerks who freely break the laws to line their own pockets at the expense of an endless parade of victims. The Courts work for the wealthy and the connected and that the New York Times protects the corruption in our courts is self evident because where is the coverage? There is so much to cover, so why won't they cover it? Stress is being victimized by an opaque and corrupt judicial system. Stress is putting your well being and money into the hands of a disloyal sociopathic lawyer who simply defrauds you and knows that holding him/her accountable is impossible. This is not addressed by the press. And it's a big deal that hurts a lot of people. Stress is "filing" a petition with a court clerk who pretends to "file" it but won't really because they don't have to follow the law and they are eagerly helping your wealthy opponents. Or a court clerk in the records room who presents to you fraudulent files and documents to trick you in favor of helping your wealthier opponents. It's true. It's real. And it's in New York City. The Courts are the foundation of our Democracy and it's time for the press to truthfully cover how they are being run and who they really work for.
5
"A cluttered home can be a stressful home, researchers are learning." I could have told them that years ago! Creating a neat, "de-cluttered", and minimalist apartment greatly reduced my stress level and definitely helped me through our year of lockdown.
11
I find the mention of a link between clutter and procrastination to be quite enlightening!
I'll have to think about it when I (do not) deal with stuff, or when I dance around a job that needs to get done.
I'd never conceived of it that way, but it makes so much sense! Thank you!
11
The researchers should have made stronger linkages to traditional gender roles and social determinant data related to the disproportionate domestic responsibilities on women in our society. Is it really so perplexing that women are more stressed?
14
My suburban parents wont throw anything away, including their clothes from the 1970s. I genuinely dread dealing with their stuff when they pass. My mom cries if the topic of de-cluttering is even barely mentioned. It noticeably de-stresses her to think she wont ever have to deal with her own clutter. Thanks a lot mom.
13
@K Henderson
If it is any consolation, it is far easier to deal with someone else's clutter than your own. And in cases of death, there are all sorts of services--estate agents, junk haulers, etc.--who will be happy to sort, appraise, or just make the stuff go away as you prefer.
15
@K Henderson folks will buy those 70’s clothes, eBay or donate them.
3
You'll get through it. I couldn't resist keeping some stuff, like Ma's WW2 paper dolls and war time books, on their own special shelf, and some of the antiques, but the bulk of the useless tchotchkes were donated, even most of the furniture had to go. My family took the crystal and china. I miss the tall bookcases, because I needed them, but they wouldn't fit up the stairs. Ditto the captain's bed with storage drawers. Oh, well.
2
When we took back our rented NJ house for ourselves, we became bicoastal and shared the year living in NJ and San Francisco. We bought the necessary furnitures and utensils to live with, and the house was sparse. We did not have decades of memorabilia or our children's old clothing to contend with. We lived in a very comfortable and sufficient house without clutter. It was very easy living.
Seeing the photo of the cluttered room in this article sent shivers down my spine.
9
@nghk
I used to have a sister-in-law who made it a rule to ,move every few years specifically to guard against the accumulation of stuff. Of course the trick is that you have to actually discard things and not just ship your clutter in boxes to "deal with later."
9
My garage is a library.
Cleaning out my parents' homes after they passed has left me determined not to leave the same mess for my kids. When they've both set down roots elsewhere I'm downsizing; ideally I'll be living in a tent in their backyard on the day I die so they can just roll it up and be done with the sorting.
41
Just the outpouring in response to this article alone --nearly 1,000 Comments already-- indicates that Clutter is a MAJOR problem in American lives. Theoretically it could be a major problem for all 333,000,000 plus Americans. There is something about "The American Way" and/or "The American Dream" that has brought us to this point of nightmare.
I feel like I have been dealing with this problem for decades. First with myself, then after my Dad died in 1990, and then my Mom dying in 2003. I periodically go through massive periods of sorting, processing, boxing, giving stuff to family, friends, charities, et. al. But it never ends. It is exhausting and definitely a mental health issue . I am literally going through the process of cleaning out, giving stuff away and taking some stuff to storage again now. Trying to get "empty." But I still have six (6) storage units spread across two separate states. Even when one drives by homeless encampments, one can see how much "clutter" even the homeless possess. Americans are a generous people, but we can't seem to get rid of our stuff fast enough. I think that this condition especially afflicts children of children of The Depression, i.e. those of us who are Baby Boomers. Our parents saved everything "for a rainy day." And now that ethic is hard wired into us. My Mom always called me "the third Collyer Brother." The IRS also has us scared to death as well with its motto of "Save this receipt for Tax Purposes."
30
I’m one of those people who hates clutter. I refer to it as ‘visual noise’. Given three wishes, the first would be the destruction of all the world’s throw pillows.
Fortunately, here in Vancouver there are a number of neighborhood based buy nothing sites that allow you to give away useful, but unwanted, items. We have gotten rid of many things that we no longer wanted but didn’t want to waste by throwing them out.
This gives us the space to store things properly and eliminate clutter.
It also got us a good 10’ curtain rod.
25
After my house was ransacked many years ago, and everything that could be pawned was stolen, friends asked me if I felt violated. No, I didn't. It was just stuff. What mattered was that my kids and I were just fine.
I thank my mother for teaching me not to get too attached to stuff. When she downsized to a smaller place it was easy and almost fun to help her select what she really wanted and get rid of the rest.
I love weeding out unneeded stuff. I love having air and light around me, "room to swing a cat" as my dad used to say.
22
@Bet "Room to swing a cat," made me laugh. Haven't heard that phrase in a while. And as we prepare to move and downsize, I have vowed not to move one item I do not need or want after years of storing and moving stuff to each new space. Have been gladly purging over the years, as I also love the air and light when walking into a space, but this is the make or brake move. I'm going to repeat that phrase over and over as I go through stuff and smile every time!
3
A lifetime friend of my Mother, died several years ago, at the age of 92. She had rented an apartment in Manhattan in 1939, and had lived for 75 years. She told me that she had never thrown out any letters or memorabilia; she kept them in cardboard boxes or in piles around the apartment. And her apartment was incredibly cluttered. Letters, piles of correspondence, issues of the NYT that had held items of interest to her, menus from New York restaurants that had disappeared decades ago, theatre handouts from long, long forgotten plays. She said that all of these items were the living memory of her long life. Each item brought back specific memories, and she said that to throw them away would be like removing a chunk of her life. Her entire adult life, she said, was around her.
29
@EN who decides what is “mentally healthy” for each of us? Life is not one-opinion-fits-all. Some of us need to be surrounded by stuff, others don’t. Some folks like to be surrounded by tons of people, others are loners. Know what? It’s all ok.
14
Somewhere, we still had a menu for Mama Leone's, but maybe it finally got lost in the move. I have some of her theatre programs, like Gwen Verdon in Sweet Charity, Tony Bennett songs on the original 78 records, etc.
1
I have an attachment to style, art, colors, aesthetics, things that make my space a physical and mental sanctuary. I can create this in any space I live in- a nice house or a 200 sq. ft. shack.
What I don’t have attachments to are any physical objects or “things”.
11
@JA
Great attitude, congratulations! But many people attached "to style, art, colors, aesthetics, things that make my space a physical and mental sanctuary" end up with lots of accumulated images and objects collected as inspiration, escape, or for projects never executed around those very attachments. It isn't just about values.
7
Some years ago I visited the home of two wonderful artists who live in an idyllic setting on lovely property in upstate New York. Yet, their homes and studios were cluttered wall-to wall with stuff; I have never seen anything like it. My elderly neighbor up the street has never thrown anything out in a house she lived in for over 40 years--her family will be the ones left with cleaning all of this out. I don't know what compels people to collect and save things, but all I can say is that it leaves me feeling claustrophobic and makes me want to conduct a massive purge of my own.
18
@Birdygirl
Research has shown that a tendency towards clutter runs strong with people with creative vocations. Not all people in such pursuits; and to be sure recent research has debunked the idea that neatness and order are an indication of lack of creativity or imagination. But it remains true that there are correlations between interests like art and design and clutter. Clutter is linked to people's tendency to imagine uses or needs for things that are not obvious and immediate, so perhaps this is not surprising. Ironically, research also shows that clutter can dampen creativity and confidence, so it can be argued that clutter among artists is a self-sabotaging (or at least counter-productive) behavior.
12
Linked to creativity but also to dementia, the Iris Murdoch School of Decorating.
3
Clutter can be artistic and having a lot of books the reward of a good mind. It's what you make of your life that counts, not blaming your stress on something else. My real stress comes when I'm around empty people.
46
@It's gone far enough I've been winnowing my book collection down, especially since I use a tablet device to read. I worked with an intern once who was outstanding about being ruthless in helping me get rid of professional papers, articles, and books---her point was that if I had not looked at something for a year, or if the information was available online, what was the point of holding onto the paper? I agree wholeheartedly with the article that clutter is stress inducing and consistent with procrastination and avoidance of decisions.
16
I’m with you! Late January of 2020, I went through the books we had, dusting and cleaning, each. I kept about three dozen my son wanted for his home, and the other 600 were given to a family with children, who welcomed the instant home library. Mid-March, boom, things locked down. The books were a constant source of interest and information for the family. Much better out of my house and of active use in theirs. Bonus - brought me joy whenever I thought about it.
22
@It's gone far enough
I will never get rid of a book. EVER. I got rid of my 3000 album record collection and deeply regret it. Books to me are the last straw. If anyone touches my books it’s on!
22
Recently, I was named legal guardian/conservator for an older relative. I discovered that she had been paying $133 a month for 11 years, out of a very limited monthly income, on a POD storage unit located on the other side of the country. It is filled with possessions from a house she sold 11 years ago. That's $17,556. Although I don't know what is in this POD, I'm sure the items are meaningful to her and wish to respect that while keeping additional costs low. I seriously doubt there are items in it that could be sold for over $17K. However, such is our attachment to stuff and the temptation to store it for a "low monthly fee", that many make, in my opinion, ill-advised financial decisions.
48
@Elaine We sold our home in California 4 years ago and finally moved our stuff out of storage to a steel building on our 5 acres in West Texas in January. The move cost upwards of $3,000; the exact amount of one year of storage cost. Is anything worth paying money to "store?" That, to me, is the fundamental question. After 4 years we couldn't even remember what was still there. We've been living in a 30 ft trailer and it is simply amazing what you can live without.
7
If you have papers, buy a scanner. The newer ones can scan hundreds of pages on both sides in a few minutes, including irregularly shaped pages. Scan everything, categorize it, and throw away the paper. You can keep all kids' report cards and your old medical records -- as much as you like. There is plenty of room on a terabyte disk.
If you have books you will not read, give them away or throw them away. Technical books can be sent to a scanning service and converted to .pdf documents. You won't miss the paper copy.
Buy a program to index the text on your hard disk and you will find all those papers and books much more easily than having physical copies.
Physical objects that have sentimental value only should be photographed and then given away or thrown away. Be realistic. Be ruthless. Get your living space back.
23
I forgot to add:
. . . And then BACK UP EVERYTHING. Use at least 3 removable backup disks and one remote online backup service. Data on a hard disk is as fragile as a soap bubble, but when you have multiple backups, the chances of losing them all are much lower than the chance of losing paper copies to a fire or flood. Properly backed up, disk storage is more robust than paper.
20
@Jed Rothwell Outstanding tips! I use an epson printer, and also have epson scanners for photographs (family heirlooms), and agree that it's far easier to find info on your computer. As well, the hassle of scanning results in the person scanning lots of times deciding that he/she really doesn't need after all a particular paper item!
4
@Jed Rothwell
For many of us, there is something indefinable but positive about reading a physical book or newspaper that no electronic version can ever replace.
Bills and other paperwork are a different matter and I find the electronic version just fine.
11
Clutter may be even more bothersome in the age of Instagram - where homes are expected to reflect an ideal of stylish, photogenic minimalism. Watch any 80s movie, and the junkiness of the homes featured will make your skin crawl! That said, I abhor clutter, and ever since Kondo-ing our home in 2016, I’ve never looked back - a de-cluttered home is objectively nicer to live in!
25
Having been married to a hoarder, whose parents were both hoarders, I can attest to the stress and even despair it creates. It was practically a full time job keeping the hoard at bay. Ten years later, I still have nightmares about it.
52
There are 2 things: physical organization and mental organization. If you have strong mental organization and great memory of where things are placed, then you can slack on physical organization. If you don't have good mental organization (you go from task to task to task because you have too much clutter in your mind) then physical organization is a must.
Thank you for posting this!
Ruzanna Krdilyan Hernandez
Twitter @drrhernandez
11
@Ruzanna Hernandez
Yes, but aren't you wasting a lot of brain space and power on such maintenance when you could be using it to learn, grow, and experience?
Clutter is not about organization. Many hoarders very carefully organize and curate all of their assemblages. Others may look a mess, but as in you say, know exactly where everything is. But all of them are prisoners of their stuff and spend their lives caring for it instead of themselves and others.
4
It doesn't seem to be the clutter that's the source, but the psychological response to the clutter itself. I myself am considered to be a messy person yet am unaffected by clutter. I do not see it as an unpleasant chore, nor does it weigh on my mind. Maybe this works on a general sense but people are different.
16
@Jarred Try this to see if you are REALLY unaffected by your own clutter...go ahead, declutter one room, hang out/sit in the room, and see how you feel. There's another benefit to decluttering...less embarrassment with visitors.
@Paulf if you never invite anyone over, clutter won’t embarrass you.
2
Maybe I like the mess, so I don't have to invite people over. I'm a lousy cook and a rotten hostess anyway, and I gave away all the nice matching dishes and glasses, I couldn't be bothered with them anymore. I have no idea what happened to the cloth napkins. Maybe I donated them.
Recommended to read: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” by Margareta Magnusson. A short, simple book , told in a folksy way, of how the author dealt with personal family effects after her husband’s death (and she raised several children, so knows how things can accumulate). Grim title, but stoic and practical!
30
@Sarah This part spoke to me, "Think of your loved ones. Magnusson evokes her Viking ancestors’ ritual of burying objects together with their dead family and friends to assure the dead wouldn’t miss anything in the next life and their survivors “would not become obsessed with the spirits of the dead and constantly be reminded of them because their possessions were still scattered all over the tent.” Your stuff can haunt your family when you’re gone."
26
The hardest part of getting rid of 'stuff' is finding a proper destination. The thought of everything in a landfill stops us in our tracks. We need more resources, guidance on where to send things that are usable and can serve a purpose for someone else. Otherwise, 'throwing out' feels environmentally irresponsible.
70
@L.J. There are some great Goodwill stores in NYC. Goodwill sometimes gets a bad rap, but the items they sell not only give employment to those who process the stuff, keep the store organized and clean and run the cash register. Goodwill also employs and trains people with all sort of challenges for many other jobs all over the country.
30
@L.J. See if you have a local
Buy Nothing group where people give away items to their neighbors.
9
@Kate Brown Thank you for that recommendation! I just joined my local Buy Nothing group and it looks like it's going to be a wonderful resource.
6
I think the saying goes like this: A disorganized room is a sign of an organized mind.
12
@unreceivedogma
I get your point, but when I was a young professional an "adversarial" colleague noted my desk and she put a sign on hers: "Cluttered desk; Cluttered mind." I did not hesitate and put a sign on mine: "Empty desk; Empty mind". Both signs were removed and I went on to a successful career, as did she. People just have different styles and some people find comfort in clutter and are distressed at emptiness. Horror Vacui?
8
Well, I have to tell you:
That picture looks just like my home office/studio/listening room that takes up our attic floor. I have 3,000 books, 6,000 LPs, bicycle stuff, a lava lamp and other stuff in that room.
Last spring, our home was being used for a film shoot featuring my daughter and my wife. My daughter is a musician, and the director wanted to shoot a scene with her at a turntable spinning vinyl. My daughter suggested the attic. We went upstairs and the director said "I love it!" I told her that I didn't know if I could get it cleaned up in time. She snapped back "NO! Don't touch a thing! It's PERFECT!!!".
.
51
Imo, clutter is not the disease, it is a symptom: of dissatisfaction or some other dysfunction in one's life.
32
@unreceivedogma sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Some folks like to have stuff, and it might just mean that they like stuff. Kinda like folks who eat too much. Maybe they just like food. It isn’t always connected to a deeper psychological void.
6
I notice that there are a number of things that are suggested as purchases to improve our organization included in the "Tidy Home Challenge." This undercuts the entire piece: we already have too much stuff. And the most clutter-haunted person I know is always buying more boxes and bins to put their stuff in. I would have had a lot more confidence in this endeavor had these suggestions (or advertisements!) not been a part of it.
25
@Esquare
Yes: my daughter with severe ADHD allows the chaos to grow and grow around her till she can't stand it any longer and then she decides she has to ORGANIZE and the first thing she does is go online and spend a couple of hundred dollars on clever organizational items -- boxes, bins, open shelves, stacking frames, etc. etc. -- because she has read online that people with ADHD need to be able to SEE their things in order to get the habit of "a place for everything and everything in its place." So, no drawers, no hangers in the closet: everything has to be arranged so she can see it.
Usually, by the time the ingenious storage components arrive in the mail, the sudden urge to Get Organized has passed, and the half-opened boxes from Target or Amazon or Wayfair then sit in the front hall for months. Or else she gets part way into the organizing job and runs out of gas, and what with the new stuff she bought to help her get organized, there's more mess than there was before.
4
This article is spot on.
5
And yet all of the reports on the economic forecast talk about "consumer confidence" being up, as if it's a good thing. In fact, we are constantly encouraged - and have been since the 1950s - to go out and buy more stuff. Take a few minutes to watch The Story of Stuff video on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GorqroigqM
If the link doesn't work, just Google it. Will we continue to bury ourselves in stuff in order to keep the economy in good shape?
12
@Janet Austen Thanks for recommending this very clear video that presents the case for making personal change as well as rallying around making vast political, social and economic change to end this short-sighted "to hell in a hand basket" trip we're on.
2
I think an important consideration not discussed in the article is whether the "clutter" belongs to the person who is stressed or someone else in the household. Women may have an increased frustration taking care of family clutter but is not so stressed by her own. The article states that "Not everyone in the study was bothered by shoes left on the staircase..." Whose shoes? If they are mine, I'm not stressed. If they are my husband's or kid's and I am expected to put them away, then I am stressed.
55
Do not believe a word of this. We are all being expected to live in cramped quarters close to main Cities for jobs. Property tax is so high that families are all crammed in together when kids should have flown the nest. Then divorce means living in a rented hovel. and we are expected to provide a receipt for everything so can't throw things away.
The electronic clutter of computers and printers and fire sticks and TV's we didn't have 20 years ago.
I throw out all I can but can't work without my computer and printer. I miss thingsI threw out like rare books and grannies things that made me feel close to my ancestors.
We need space for peace in our lives. Declutter? Let's start with the Xbox and then the DVR and then ... leave me my clothes and grannies china and take the boxes of toner under my desk in my living room. I hoard nothing. I am stuck with the clutter of living in the modern techno world in a tiny over taxed space.
48
I once heard a professional organizer say to those who really, really, really do plan to start organizing things "tomorrow": Remember that "tomorrow" is not a day of the week!
13
@Dot Brilliant! A week is actually an array of six tomorrows ... followed by a 'next week'. Ah, the possibilities ....
6
The other side of this is the enormous industry for 'organization' that sells you more stuff to organize the original stuff, or group it prettily. People think this helps, and while it may corral it doesn't get to the root of the problem. The Container Store, Target, etc are full of people with carts full of boxes, baskets and more to sort stuff out when they would be much better jettisoning it.
16
@MK OMG! This is hysterical and true!
1
When my spouse became disabled we had to move to a ground-floor handicapped accessible space. I'd already been de-accessioning stuff I'd accumulated, much of which was clippings from periodicals. The problem, (and this was before the Internet and storage software technology made storing and finding stuff easily), was that I'd not developed a retrieval system for all those analog paper folders. This problem may be a central issue for hoarders -- they have the stuff, but can't find the stuff. In our case, we also had to crunch six rooms of living space into four. I did that, and had to make a lot of triage decisions, but fortunately I had a friend who specializes in estate cleanouts and was able to find a home for stuff I'd 'inherited' from my mother when she had to move to assisted living -- and also a great trash removal guy who took the stuff away for either sale or dump during a very compressed timeframe.
4
Some of the clutter issues are tied to compulsive behaviors : shopping and accumulation, not just attachment and disorganization issues. Unfortunately, the article is not going too deeply into co-occurring conditions.
27
Most of this stuff isn't mine, it's from dead people. I got rid of a lot of it, but found handy things like curtains in a blanket chest. I tossed the blanket chest but used the curtains.
My friend and I helped empty another friend's house after she died. It was a huge job, because she bordered on being a hoarder. Since we loved her, we wanted to respect her by making sure each and every item went to the appropriate place - donations to the library, music camp, her friends and acquaintances, and her family - yet tons of things had to go to Goodwill and a lot to the dump because of being contaminated with mold or mouse droppings (from the filled basement) or were in a state of irredeemable disrepair after being covered with other stuff for a decade or more. Who knows if she would have been happy with our choices. I ended up feeling like all of her years of hoarding and not dealing with the stuff was a massive cop-out and just made someone else do all the work. I felt as though she disrespected us, in a way. For most people like this, when they die many, most, or all of their "treasures" just go to the dump. We should face this while we are alive.
164
@Andrea, this is what my mother in law will be leaving for us to deal with. I find myself already getting angry about it.
26
@Marsha At 66, I have spent the last two years paring down our belongings. My husband is all in, too. We are down to the hardest: photographs. Picking just a fraction to save and scan is a challenge, but we only have one grown child and one grandchild who might be interested.
It’s lovely to live in our clutter-free home and I know I am not going to leave a horrible burden to my daughter when I kick.
28
@Marsha When the time comes, get professional help. There's lots of it out there as there are so many baby boomers sorting out their possessions prior to downsizing. If your mother-in-law leaves you in this pickle, I would feel free to dispose of what's left as you see fit, as far as her will/trust allows you to. My brothers and I had to hire a dumpster when we cleared out our parents house.
12
Some approaches I've taken to prevent the rise of clutter:
Have a study or an area in a room that serves as a study. Keep it scrupulously neat and organized. Sort through the mail as soon as it comes in. Toss what needs to be tossed. Pay the bills or put them in a safe place for paying all at once.
For example, my new year's day task: organizing the tax receipts and spread sheets for tax season later this spring.
Put the magazines in a small pile for reading over the next week or so.
Do a major cleaning with the seasons (some might prefer the holiday season): spring, summer, fall, winter.
Have a place by the door for all the shoes, coats, and jackets ie., a mudroom, if it's possible, or just a mud area. The laundry should be done weekly and the clean clothes should be put away as soon as the laundry is done.
13
@Suzanne Wheat
In a similar article in the Times someone said - everyone is a hoarder but most people's stuff is in the landfill.
My foreign born former husband commented - Wow, Americans have a LOT of stuff!
So for most people I'm guessing - stuff is an issue.
I've found now that I'm older have ended up with more stuff and its harder to keep up with it...
Additionally, my Mother lived through the depression and - made do - and often did without, so hanging on to useful (someday) stuff was generally on her mind, so that has become part of my mind set as well.
I live in a 100 year old house. It's kind of difficult as people then had fewer things fewer closets. Sadly I have no pantry either
Yes there are a few piles here and there, but tolerable to me...
4
Living with my girlfriend is very stressful, she insists she's not a hoarder but tables, rooms are completely cluttered. Such a downer.
17
@ClydeMallory A huge issue in relationships and it really can impact the partner.
9
In 1972 we bought an old Maine farmhouse with 11 rooms, a large shed, two attics, and a two-story barn.
By 2006 it was full. All of it.
In 2016, determined to downsize, I cleaned out one room after another. I even put a table in the shed, placed a dozen carpentry, plumbing, etc. items on it at a time, made my husband choose which he just had to keep and tossed the rest. That process took two full weeks. Then I sorted what remained into different areas of the shed (e.g., all the painting stuff together).
Finally, having persuaded my husband we were too old to keep such a large, remote place going, I brought in an auctioneer. He left with two tractor-trailers full of stuff. We made thousands of dollars.
This wasn't hoarding so much as keeping stuff we sometimes did actually need later on. But our future years for "later on" use had dwindled!
My husband can't sort things out or organize stuff to save his life. I can, so I finally did. Retiring from my 11-hours-a-day job helped.
We're now in a very small very new house that's super-easy to maintain. Maybe I saved both our lives?
95
@MLChadwick We, too, have an old Maine house with many rooms, each one more or less filled. Be that as it may, there are rooms containing many, many books. At some point, I will sell those books, but for now they give me enormous comfort: I read some everyday, and know that they are there when I have to consult them.
Every once in awhile, I donate some books to my local library, but for now, they are part of my soul. They are not clutter.
29
@MLChadwick Wish I could find that auctioneer. I've called several, hoping for the outcome you had, of making some money from the years of collecting. Unless I could promise valuable antiques, none were interested. When you don't have the wherewithal to sell each item online, it's hard to know what to do with good, interesting things that don't meet the "antique" definition.
8
@Cornucopial selling stuff is difficult unless it is unique. There are probably five others just like it on eBay.
9
Even having to spend time at a friend's cluttered apartment stressed me out. She came to my apartment to relax away from the clutter (her comment). No wonder she wanted to camp out all weekend.
Her chronically elevated cortisol from financial and home stress eventually triggered broken heart syndrome.
11
Broken heart syndrome is triggered by loss and grief- not stuff!
6
My mother had the hoarding disease big time. She was a first generation Italian American depression child that, by necessity, had to save every scrap growing up but I suspect her issues were merely exacerbated by her context.
Imagine a scenario where literally everything that came into the house was recycled, reconfigured, cut up, shoved into, lined up, repackaged and saved. And we had to finish everything in our plate.
When we had to move her out of the family house, loads upon loads of stuff came up onto the street but little progress was made. I finally figured out she would throw her coat on and sneak out at night, drag it all back in and dare us to touch it.
It was a terrible struggle, I finally resorted to loading the car and driving to a town dump. She eventually blocked me from coming into the house, leaving my less bold brother to deal with the mess. He got fed up in no time and eventually told the movers to just move her along with the boxes filled with wrapping paper from 1962 into her new teeny tiny one bedroom.
17
Stressful, yes. Especially when you are packing up to move across country.
4
When I married my husband 33 years ago I did not understand that hoarding is a mental condition. Once I understood, I found the only option was separate residences. It is the only reason we are still married. Am grateful that I had my own income and not financially dependent on my husband.
53
A number of years ago I participated in triathlons and organized bike rides. I accumulated medals of completion, towels and t-shirts stamped with the name/date of the event, etc. While I was quite proud of my accomplishments, the time came when I was tired of trying to figure out where to put these items. So one day I arranged a number of them and took a photo. Tossed the items, saved the photo so now I still have the memories but don't have to find space to store the items. I felt much lighter doing this.
65
@Observer Those things definitely add up! I have a couple friends who turned their prized shirts into quilts so they could have something more useful than a hundred shirts in a dresser. Good for you for letting go!
11
My house, along with 14,000 other houses burned down in the Camp Fire in Paradise, California, in November of 2018. Nothing survived except our pets, one suitcase of photographs and my husband and I. I wish that I had taken more photos of beloved and sentimental items around our house.
4
@Observer At age 70, I was able to get rid of the sports trophies of my youth. The triathlon t-shirts from my 40's are going to be made into a quilt--if my wife gets around to it.
2
I understand that there is a point at which one spends too much time looking for car keys, but I like a comfortable, slightly disheveled house. To me, it looks warm and inviting and cozy. Deliver me from the antiseptic, staged, grey and white Pinterest decor.
41
My Mother always told me that a tidy desk was the sign of a cluttered mind.
26
Good grief. Only boring people have neat houses. That's for snooty magazines, not real people. LMSA(Leave My Stuff Alone).
36
@John Jabo Try decluttering one room and see how you feel.
2
I call it "emotionally bonding with inanimate objects" and it is definitely an illness. Most people that I know who are Clutter Bugs have difficulty forming meaningful relationships with people and therefore bond with junk. The junk never rejects them or lets them down. Most Clutter Bugs can immediately list 5 people who have disappointed them in life but are unable to explain why they have three nonworking vacuum cleaners. "Don't touch that! I'm getting a bunch of stuff ready to go to the dump."
I gather stuff I no longer need and take it to Sal Army or Goodwill. I enjoy the thought that my excess may help someone just get by. If you try to frame it this way to the Clutter Bug, you often get procrastination or even hostility due to their underlying narcissism. It never occurs to the Clutter Bug that they too will move on from this plane and one day strangers will come and either toss their stuff or profit from it. If you mention this, they convulse. That's when you know they have a problem.
24
@Clutter bugs A hoarder wants each and every item to go to a "good home" like it is a pet. My friend kept a non-working car parked in her yard for over 10 years waiting for a deserving buyer. Of course, it wound up being towed away for scrap.
13
My mother had very close friendships despite her hoarding, and I have friendships going back more than 50 years. A bit of clutter won't scare everyone away. You can go for a drive, a trip, or go to a cafe or restaurant. Phone and text works too, especially in a pandemic.
1
Isn't our economy based on making us think we need things they make us want?
46
I was going to develop an app to track how much (wasted) time I spend looking for my keys, phone, that certain towel, the Phillips screwdriver, a freaking pen, my passport, my debit card... an app that would measure how much time spent, my heart rate and blood pressure that sky rockets and of course, there’s no way to measure the destructive inner narrative I tell myself about not being able to keep the simplest things together and I am incapable of being a real adult. Adderall helped my previously undiagnosed Inattentive ADHD. But it still has to be ME. I have to harness this. In January, I went through my entire house and organized with bins and any other organizing accessories i could get my hands on - including name tags (mostly for husband and kids who work against me lol). There was not even a used staple in a drawer when I was done. This was two months ago, took me at least 3 hours a day for a month. For the most part, I have kept it up! My emotional disregulation was directly a result from the chaos and chain of reactions physically and emotionally due to the chaos. I did my car and garage too. My purse is another story lol! As they say, progress not perfection!
40
I was so excited when I found a screwdriver, I thought I had lost it or tossed it in the move.
My house isn't cluttered but I've just spent the last two days making a big dent in the attic, which is full of "perfectly good" and even some really fun and interesting antiques and textiles, etc. I'm dragging it all downstairs and taking a huge amount of it to the local flea market this Sunday, and it will FEEL SO GOOD to get rid of it and end up with some cash in my pocket! My husband is out of town so I can get away with this. He's sentimental about everything so I'm not getting rid of anything that's "his" up there.
18
Clutter means you lead an interesting life. Stuff is important to our species. The most interesting among us often have the largest of the most eclectic collection.
27
@John Jabo. i like the way you think but there is a point for me at least where the interesting clutter becomes a problem under which my energy is buried
44
@John Jabo Interesting people know how to keep their stuff organized.
2
I find that having pre-thought “principles” for how you intend to manage your stuff is essential to not drowning under it. For example, my wife and I have rules of “up to one toy” for kids’ birthdays and “one in/one out” for us.
https://theintentional.net/2018/12/21/how-to-live-with-your-stuff-without-letting-it-overwhelm-you/
7
When my kids were little I would get rid of one big green bag of stuff per week every week for twelve weeks starting in January. It included donations and trash: shredded documents, outgrown clothes, broken toys or party favors, worn out linens, book donations, electronics, etc. Things stayed under control. When I asked the others to take over partly, they didn’t and it accumulated. My ex was horrible about stuff. Every one of my vacations was spent cleaning. It was a big factor in our divorce. I completely relate to this article. I now live in comfort with a little mess around me, but I can get any room under control in less than an hour and some rooms in 2 minutes. Joy.
34
The problem with clutter is that it shelters filth: dust, pollen, hair, fur, mold, rodent droppings. And whoever cleans under their clutter and puts it back? It just needs to be eliminated.
49
My neighborhood has a Facebook group where people give away things for free. People post a pic and brief description, and the first person who replies gets to pick it up. There are so many belongings that people are discarding in most neighborhoods. The goal is to keep things out of landfills -- even Salvation Army, Goodwill, etc are often overwhelmed with donations. People also connect with neighbors and feel good knowing their belongings are being used and appreciated.
22
@East Coast. our area has a similar program for sale items but i find myself shopping it and i do not need any of the stuff!!!
7
@East Coast I expect the stuff winds up with a hoarder. My dear friend was so thrilled with all the cheap and free things she stuffed into her house.
6
@Laraine not always true. From my local group I’ve picked up Country Curtains for my guest room, bikes for my grandchildren, puzzles that I do once and pass on.
I live with a "collector" as she calls herself but I have seen her keep junk because of some attachment she has to it. I'm trying to bring this up, it's a real deal-killer relationship -wise
14
@ClydeMallory oh dear...lost my second husband at least in part from this and it is not enjoyed by husband #3...i need HELP!!!!
3
@barbara littlefield I am using the Marie Kondo method and it’s really working. This doctor knows nothing about really clearing clutter. This is working because I am getting rid of everything finally forever. And you do not feel the need to go back. I really feel for you I do my clutter has damaged all of my relationships and I have not been able to find a mate for going on 10 years now. Because of this, I really believe.
9
I would love to think that clutter has rescued me from some bad relationships...right now the neighbors are having a noisy party, and the clutter here is too many people. People will eat you alive if you let them.
Extremely uncluttered homes make me nervous. If they are too "empty" I just don't feel at ease. My mind feeds on masses of beautiful objects and things to lay my eyes on. So my "clutter" does have to be fairly beautiful in its own way. I too found the photo to be intriguing. Love books and layers of reading materials.
35
@Susanne, I was very drawn to the image in the photo, as well. I would like to live there--if the clutter were my own.
11
@Laura The problem is, as I’ve experienced with my husband’s “nests” and corners of clutter, that they don’t look as nice as this photo. The objects may be interesting, but they collect dust and cobwebs, as well as random scraps of paper and even used tissues : (
I would rather go to a museum to see these things than live with them. They take up valuable space, and there is no place for my mind to rest.
Interestingly, my spouse also likes the woods, and I prefer open prairie.
18
@Susanne. sometimes homes are a direct reflection of the intellectual poverty of the residents...
6
In 43 years of marriage, we've never bought furniture; luckily, we always HAD Victorian furniture from family, including items my own parents refurbished. Continuing to reupholster every few years saves no money, but beautiful furnishings continue to serve, and nothing goes to the landfill. Bit by bit, our adult children ask about particular items, and I happily send the things off to live with them. I sometimes joke we're more like curators than householders, but really there's serenity in continuing to use lovely things rather than cluttering with momentarily trendy but disposable items.
31
I strongly recommend volunteering to help set up household for refugees.
This is quick medicine against materialism, and an elixir for the heart.
79
The unanswered question is whether women experience more clutter stress because they feel socially accountable for the condition of the home, or because clutter bothers them more, or a combination of the two. It is too easy to gloss over the difference with a reference to 1950s housewives.
Also unanswered is the question of the extent to which clutter tolerance is learned, situational, or inherited. It is hard for a neatnik and a slob to live together, and worse if gender differences saddle only one with responsibility for housekeeping standards. After three decades of being the neatnik in the family, I have concluded that messiness is a complex and largely heritable trait. Believing that has made it much easier to negotiate standards and responsibilities with my spouse. It has also helped me think more clearly about how and what to teach our children.
41
@PDX
Your first query hit the nail on the head. The condition of the home reflects only on the woman, not the man; a holdover from 'Leave it to Beaver' era standards.
6
@B Dawson
Plus, likely, she is the only one who dusts because she is the only one who notices it. I hate clutter because of the dust it gathers. My husband wouldn't notice the dust for years, if ever. I can't stand it, so I have to move the clutter and do it.
4
@PDX I agree that messiness is largely heritable. I know myself very well and I could not live in a cluttered mess, it stresses me out so much. I have always been the neatnik, my siblings not so much, and it has taken a long time to stop judging people as lazy because they are messy. My adult children were taught to be neat and organised as children and both are decidedly not now, lol. So it is a matter of nature and nurture I suspect.
1
This is probably the reason I'm going to seek out a separate abode from my partner; he can have visiting rights -- but no clutter.
16
I need a Tardis. Up to a point, I'm comfortable with clutter--I have a lot of books, and subscribe to several magazines, so reading material piles up (including the New York Times). But over the past few years, the clutter has become overwhelming. A friend offered to help me clear things out, but that isn't a real solution. I want to get rid of a lot of books as well as clothes and other items, but as mentioned in this article, sorting things out is stressful and tiring. If I lived in the suburbs, I might have a garage sale, but as a city dweller, I take things to thrift shops and the Salvation Army when I can--but I've been looking into ways of selling stuff online. My apartment would look so good if I could just clear the decks.
11
@carrobin Decluttering is exhausting but worthwhile. As for books, I've had great success donating large lots of books on a single topic to worthy nonprofits. 130 maritime and sailing books to a seaport society; hundreds of gardening books to public gardens and arboreta; lovely volumes of great literary classics to a private school for their faculty library. My books leave home to be enjoyed by others. Satisfying!
14
@carrobin I recommend volunteering at a library. I worked for my local library for a few months and it really improved the way I viewed and sorted my own collection.
6
Try task rabbit to get a person and a van to come and take the items to goodwill or a thrift shop.
2
I'm extremely houseproud and when my home environment is disorganized so am I. I feel emotionally crowded and incredibly stressed. Problem is that I have no control over it. I presently live with someone who brings things into the house without telling me, "stuff" just shows up; they refuse to throw anything out, even if something is broken or unusable; Closets are an absolute horror; and the living room is a sh*t-show. They put nothing away. I am fed up to the teeth!
23
@TDot Having someone around all the time is a mixed blessing. No two people agree on all things. It might not be the clutter that irks you. Might be the human crowding your life—any other human.
7
The people who used to live here were excessively house proud, but there was serious structural damage in the basement, and right after I moved in, a roof leak in the attic. When something seems too perfect on the outside, there is often something wrong inside.
Clutter negatively impacts well-being or negative/unhealthy well being impacts clutter?
11
@Kelly, yes. Clutter is a symptom, outward visible to others, symptom reflecting something else going on inside that person's life. Health issues, family connection, significant stress or overwhelm. The gender aspect that women do more housework reflect they see it, the clutter, because they have to deal with it, tidy it, work around it. The article touched on this, and could have gone more in depth.
7
Clutter and self-storage units have increased dramatically since the 90s because the cost of clothing, knickknacks, costume jewelry and anything that can be made for cheap in China has dropped. Now anyone living on a small income can afford to fill their apartment with junk and feel "rich". At the same time, the cost of rent, real estate, internet, cell phone service and food has shot up.
Do what millennials do: collect experiences instead, join swap and declutter groups, and stop buying stuff, either online or at malls. Avoid any place that offers too many "choices", like Starbucks with its dozens of different coffees or drugstores with their endless types of shampoo. Buy only one of each thing if you can. Save the money you otherwise would have wasted and take a trip or cruise. Clutter is a trap and enriches the 1% who live off the mindless consumerism of the masses.
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@Jamie
Who are these abstemious millennials you generalize about? Definitely not my kids, who snap up every little piece of future clutter possible. Nor their friends.
“Do what millennial’s do“? If only it were so easy.
14
@Jamie Very true for city-dwelling millennials, at least. No space to store things in a tiny apartment, and there are no "non-primary" surfaces to clutter up long-term. I ran a 5k with friends recently and the organizers were baffled that none of us wanted the free branded jacket that came with registration. There's just no space for anything that's not in constant use. Getting rid of any excess and refusing free junk is only way to survive.
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@Jamie Husband and I have been choosing saving for retirement and travel/experiences Instead of stuff for our entire marriage. We are boomers. Many people our age have made similar choices. Not a generational thing- it is a values choice for those of us who can’t afford everything and don’t want everything.
9
I've moved nine times in the last 16 years. It's been great in terms of clutter management. Every move has required an evaluation: does it make the move or does it get donated/recycled/tossed? Many of my moves were for overseas assignments, and after the movers packed everything up and drove away, I'd be left with an apartment in "skeleton" furnished mode: a table and four chairs, a bed and linens, minimal kitchen ware, etc. I'd put some flowers in a glass of water, and just enjoy the sheer serenity of it all.
I just signed a contract to put my house on the market. So I'll be moving again in a few months. Most everything I have now are "the keepers," but I've still got a few bags by the door ready to go to their new homes.
19
Do whatever makes you happy. Life is too short to get hung up on clutter or minimalism. Don't worry about what other people think. If they don't approve of your way of life, that's their problem, not yours. You owe no explanations or apologies. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. You can fill it with worry or happiness. It's strictly your call.
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@Wally Wolf - Is it that easy: "Don't worry about what other people think"? No reason to compromise, ever? What if "what makes you happy" causes a live-in significant other to be UNhappy? What if you leave a towering mass of clutter for spouse, adult children - or inevitably, someone - to deal with?
But, I suppose you've always lived alone. That simplifies things.
2
I lived with my mother, who was a major hoarder; I inherited her messy house, got rid of most of her stuff, downsized, and still live with some clutter, I give away four boxes/bags a month. Living alone is wonderful, so it isn't a problem if I'm a slob today because it's 90 degrees or a neatnik next week when the temperatures go down and I'm inspired to clean. Yes, when everyone finally dies, it simplifies things.
Yes, but please don’t leave a big pile of possessions and messes for others to deal with once you’re gone.
My wife is overwhelmed by the maintenance requirements of our home and exterior plantings. It is a large home, and was appropriate when we had 3 children and a mother-in-law living with us. Not today. I am retired, and spend considerable time down-sizing: donating, selling, scanning/photo before I recycle or dispose. This includes magazines and books - yes - I scan books using professional grade duplex scanners after cutting them up. After 6 years I am about halfway. I hope by the time she retires, I will have finished so we can move to a small condo wherein exterior maintenance (and snow removal!) are not our problem. Nonetheless, I can't spend all my time downsizing. It is amazing to me how we spend our earlier lives accumulating, and once we reach our 'golden years', it is the opposite.
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@Bruce Maier Well as you pointed out, much of the acquisition made sense for the stage of life you were in, and hopefully you enjoyed and used it. Now your priorities have changed so you will make changes to reflect that. The only scanning project I have planned are old family photos and I never seem to get around to it, even when I am on break from work. Your hard work with record-keeping has my admiration.
2
All easier said than done. Collectors are more interesting people usually artistic. When they find a beautiful treasure it is difficult for them to say no. Also many of us hate waste and save an item when an uncaring person puts it at their curb for a cruel death. I believe in giving to people whether it be clothing, furniture, books, or other possessions. A cluttered house creates psychological distress for many people.
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@Jan Yes, donating and selling should be the first options followed by recycling - and only sending to a landfill as the last possibility.
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@Jan The remark about an “uncaring person leaving something at the curb for a cruel death” hits the nail on the head. Many of us clutter people anthropomorphize our positions. This leads me to think that I need to look at the relationship between myself and clutter and myself and other people. Is the clutter a substitute for relationships or is it a barrier to relationships?
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@macbev yes when I was little I was allowed to bring my special pillow along for company. Now I have a house full of special objects. Critics call my things clutter. I call the critics a few things like rigid negative tyrants and such.
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Clutter in the house? You should see my computer!
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Honestly, when I viewed the photograph that was supposed to represent clutter, I thought it was a very interesting place to live in. Clutter is in the mind of the beholder. As Americans, of course we have to feel guilty, read or watch how-to declutter and wring our hands over who will clean up after us. Why can't we just live and let live?
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Argh, dark cluttered and messy. How would you ever clean or dust that room? Gives me nightmares.
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@mulberryshoots
Because somebody will have to go through all of it and clean it up someday - to vacate an apartment, or sell a house when you have passed. Not a kind thing to do to our loved one.
A friend has just lost her husband to a lingering cancer and must now sort and remove tons of stuff from their home, and garage and outbuildings. Wonderful man - worst part of his legacy.
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What gives me nightmares are no curtains in bathrooms when I visit someone. I have to hold it until I get home.
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I have just finished getting through a drastic decluttering process. At first I thought it was to save my family from the ordeal - though I m far from being a horder, my hobbies tend to cause an overabundance of stuff - in the end I realized I was the real beneficiary and now I look forward to the rest of my orderly life. BTW I used the Marie Kondo method, which is the opposite of the author s recommendation.
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@Gina Bisaillon
I do like the Marie Kondo method as well.
JOY: Keep ONLY those things that spark JOY!
It makes it so much easier to let go of stuff.
THANK YOU: I also like that she recommends saying "Thank You" to those items with which you are "parting ways". It sounds corny, but it acknowledges that you did get use from the item, it served your purposes, but you can now give it to someone who can get even more use and joy from it. Especially good for those items that you are having difficulty letting go.
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@JM
My screwdriver and can opener don't give me joy but I intend to keep them because I use them. Kondo kind of annoys me because she seems very rigid. I am never going to put all my clothes on the floor at once. I would get tired and stop before completing the job and then I could not find anything. Bad idea for ME. I also leave some cleaning products on the sink board because it is hard for me to bend over. Kondo is young. Her clients probably are also.
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@Barbara I've watched the entire first season and must disagree. Marie Kondo is not ridged and giving up items that are necessary isn't part of her process. Obviously, keep the tools you need. It's the clutter of stuff that doesn't get used that is addressed by her method.
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This seems like a solution in search of a problem. Some people live more regimented lives and that can be reflected in a cluttered household or desk and others do not. At the extremes there are certainly colorful examples, but more than a few great minds of history were rumpled men and women surrounded by clutter and probably some who were neatniks.
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"Those who weren’t feeling cluttered ... included most of the men in the study." I think this point needed a little more attention.
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touche
5
Did anyone ever ask the Collyer brothers if they felt cluttered?
Do your heirs a favor, and get rid of your stuff yourself!
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@Lorenzo
Doing that this weekend!
My three adult sons flew home to go through all their "stuff".
We all read the Marie Kondo method first.
It's actually fun.
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@Lorenzo
Swedish Death Cleaning!!!! Love it!
11
So women who work all day feel stressed because their house doesn't look like a magazine because its impossible to work, be a mother, a wife, a maid, a cook, and a house painter in a 24 hour period. Wow. Ground breaking stuff.
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@MJMoore Could be. Could be their clutter 'talks' to them like mine does: the travel articles about places I want to see someday, the papers that need to be scanned and shredded, the card that has to be straightened out, the stuff for the drycleaner, the squillions of books that say 'you haven't read me yet', the shoes that need repair, and on and on. When my surfaces are clear, I can hear my own thoughts, not an endless stream of 'shoulds.'
7
Can we apply this to the government? The unbearable messiness of Trump! Let’s Kondo him!
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@Mary
He sparks NO joy.
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He Is Trying To Drain The Swamp. No Joy In That But We Can All Gain From Greater Efficiency
1
@. He IS the swamp.
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I too am overwhelmed with clutter, my own and that of my parents. As a resolution, I am trying to only buy consumables, food, toilet paper, etc. No more clothes! The stuff is oppressive, yet hard to get rid of. I have trained myself to take a picture of things I want instead of buying them. It feels like a small victory.
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@Lorenzo
Brilliant decision to take pictures. I did that with my brother's estate last month. He passed away unexpectedly and I had 4 hours to sort through his things. There were so many items I wanted to keep but didn't want more stuff in my apt. I took a few small items & lots of pictures of the items I didn't take. Now I can look at the pictures when I want, and my apt is not cluttered. I feels great!
18
This article was clutter and caused my cortisol level to increase.
“Couples in LA... the ‘wives’...” and then “the men”...
and the first root case of dissonance is a reference to the 50’s image of a man coming home to a clutter free house vs having chores/tasks/clutter?
Written from a gender biased viewpoint. Nothing new here to see.
3
What about The Unbearable Heaviness of Clutter in an aging parents' home. "get rid of it when I'm gone'. great, it will be a joy to review and purge through decades of junk during a grieving period. Reviewing old newspapers interwoven with sensitive material is going to stink. People that solve their hoarding problem by passing it along to others are incredibly selfish. I've heard the same "when I'm gone" from many others who think passing along their hoarding of junk is ok. It's not safe and it's very selfish.
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@DW Could not agree with you more! After my cancer diagnosis, I felt purging was the most loving thing I could do for my kids. Had heard way too many horror stories of kids/grandkids having to deal with a relative's stuff. Totally not fair to dump such a burden on someone else, especially someone you love!
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@LHSNana. It all depends. I have a friend who wanted to start getting rid of stuff. Her daughter told her to relax, travel, enjoy herself. She said she'd deal with the house and stuff after her mother is gone. Of course, my friend's house is not hoarded. It is just a house that has been lived in for years and has a lot of stuff. That said, I am trying to get rid of stuff too. It is unclear how much will be left.
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@DW It is fine to outsource... get a service to sort, clear and remove. Do it without guilt. The stuff has served its purpose, and once you have taken what you want to retain as souvenir/memento, it is a donate/disposal job.
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I use a system of 5,3,1,9,6,3 and the rule of halves. 5 years, 3 years, 1 year and then by months in terms of use. The longer an object has not been used the less likely it ill be used and is a candidate for disposal. This is then coupled with the rule of halves. Make a pile of 5 year objects and get rid of half of them. Two days later get rid of the remaining half and repeat again. I developed this system by having to deal with hoarder parents moving and then their estate. Also do not send more than two hours doing this. Ones decision making slows down the longer you take making decisions.
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@Plimsol You need to get on this de-cluttering bandwagon and write your book with your 5, 3, 1 method.
14
There's clutter....and clutter.
One of my aunts had an impeccably tidy home, never anything out of place, not a speck of dust.
I wondered if it was really worth all the effort to get a home looking like that. To be honest it looked a bit to sterile, not "lived in".
My maternal grandmother always worried about things being "out of place". That's because she was brought up in a middle class family in England, and the English middle class have always worried about image and "what will people say!".
Did the U.S. ever run the English TV comendy series called "Keeping up appearances", with Hyacinth? An exaggeration of English middle class mores, but not much of an exaggeration.
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@Bruce Stafford "Keeping Up Appearances" still runs on many PBS stations around the country. One of my favorite Britcoms!
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Marie Kundo could have written this article. Her approach is a little different as she has you hold each item to see if it brings you joy. She also has great reference for our belongs to thank them for their service before we toss. Her new Netflix series can be enjoyed by both sexes, as both my husband and I watched and gained valuable tips we have already incorporated into our home.
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@Rebecca
Haha...I just wrote the exact same thing and we also started the Netflix series! It's great...
tonite's episode for us is on empty nesters.
Please, it's 2019, and a reputable international newspaper still blurs the line between a causational and a correlational study. The studies cited here are correlational- this means that it is impossible to tell whether clutter caused the decreases in wellbeing, or whether clutter and the poorer wellbeing were both caused by some other factor (e.g. overwork and lack of time for housework)- or indeed, whether decreased wellbeing actually caused the clutter (the other way round). If the researchers had wanted to test for a causational effect of clutter on wellbeing, the participants would need to have been randomly assigned to live amongst varying amounts of clutter.
To phrase it another way: let's say that we measure levels of wellbeing, and call this variable A. We also measure levels of clutter, and call this variable B. The article broadly suggests that variable B directly affects levels of variable A. But since the studies did not involve randomization of conditions of variable B, it is impossible to know which if the following three scenarios is the underlying truth: 1) whether variable B has a causational effect on variable A, or 2) whether variable A has a causational effect on variable B, or 3) whether variables A and B are actually caused by some other factor, variable C.
This distinction is critical for anyone who cares about logic; confusion between causation/correlation is the basis of much pseudoscience, manipulation, and deception.
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@Xing The real problem is not that this stuff makes it into the NYT but that it gets published in a journal.
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@Xing. My thoughts exactly.
4
Who gets bills in the mail anymore?
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@Michelle
My mother does. She's 86. So the greatest generation ie very old people.
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@Michelle Also, medical bills. Sadly, the source of both clutter *and* cortisol in many lives.
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@Michelle Bills received in the mail can be scanned.
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I suspect digital clutter is better tolerated than physical clutter. Personally I felt decluttered after scanning documents and photos and discarding the physical items. Also taking pictures of sentimental items (like some of my toddler's art projects) makes it easier to throw them out.
There is a minimalism blog and podcast that I have found useful and inspiring (https://www.theminimalists.com/) that provides effective tips to declutter (30 day minimalism game, packing party, 90/90 rule...)
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i am married 55 years to the same women. only reason is she doesn't throw anything away.
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My personal trigger: the “POTENTIAL” of the hoard. Finally said bye to all the stuff. Every day I pray to live a more mindful life with gratitude for the here and now.
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Is clutter the cause or the symptom? As best I can tell from the article, most of the research just shows that clutter is associated with other problems, but that's nothing new.
Of course, if I procrastinate and don't pay my bills on time, I'll have a big pile of bills cluttering things up. What, you think I'm going to neatly file them instead of paying them??
I suspect the original research has addressed this issue of causality, but I don't see anything in this article. If they didn't address the issue, then the NYT should be bothered reporting on it.
4
I have found that the more you get rid of, the more you have at your disposal.
Quality time spent at my mother's house (at her request) to help mitigate her 'trip hazard' lifestyle made me realize how truly debilitating too much of anything is. Her modus operandi is that if she can't find something, she runs and buys another, hence dozens of combs and tweezers. Napkins? She could open a store. Moisturizers and 'gift bags' long expired fell off shelves and out of drawers, multiple linear feet of clothing: white, woven blouses, not to be confused with white knit tops, moving to yellow, then peach, then blue, then prints, got sorted by type, color, and fabrication. It was easy to see for her going to the store became easier than rooting through closets. "I've had that since the 80's and got it on sale" is still considered a victory to her.
Putting 'like' things together was a start. Donating items that didn't fit, many never worn, knowing things would help others eased some tension. The process lasted about 4 days peacefully then the emotion of it came to a crashing halt: I left, after all, her stuff/house/life.
It's hard to go through other people's things, but it seems it's harder to go through one's own with a critical eye. Mom was happy seeing a semblance of order (and the closet floor) and for at least a time, able to find things that had been sorted. My guess is it didn't last: like a kid with the Sears catalog, catalogs tagged lay everywhere and boxes kept arriving.
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@AWW This sounds so much like my mother. She died suddenly ten years ago. After the funeral, I stayed to keep my father company, and ended up dealing with all her stuff. She was a closet hoarder. Much like your mother, she kept buying things that didn't need replacing. Long story short, I would open a cabinet and all kinds of things would fall out. One cabinet held no fewer than 8 nonfunctioning curling irons. I lost ten pounds over a month of hauling her stuff up from the cellar and down from the second story, out to the Salvation Army. I could go on and on describing the bags and bags of yarn, the dress patterns from the 40,s, 50s, 60s, 70s, etc, every wedding invitation she ever received, a hundred themed placemats, and more. I honestly believe her clutter took a severe toll on her health and that she had to die to get away from it.
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I love throwing stuff away.
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Better yet, dropping bags off to Goodwill regularly for use by another person. Even fabric gets repurposed.
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I love giving stuff away.
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@Mons
"Throwing stuff away" triggers a big negative response for many people. Giving it to Goodwill or Salvation Army or to 'fire victims" in our state is much more palatable.
I have to constantly remind my husband that we are donating it to people who are in real need.
It helps to soften the blow
10
Biggest problem is, “ Should I save it for the kids?
5
@JM. Your kids don’t want it. I’ll tell you, because they can’t. Sorry.
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They definitely don't want it.
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@JM Trust me. They don't want it. When we sold our home of 30 years recently (to live in a trailer and travel the country) our son declined to take anything. "It's your stuff, not mine."
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I'm a purger who is in a relationship with a pack rat. It's one of the main reasons we don't live together. We both live in smallish apartments and I am compulsive about cleaning out stuff in order to have an open clear space while he holds on to stuff for sentimental reasons. Rather than nagging, our solution is to spend more time at my place-he actually enjoys the clean environment in my apartment-and he can keep his piles of books.
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I’m in the same kind of relationship for more than a decade and can attest that it works perfectly. A secondary benefit is that we have never had an argument. I attribute this to the fact that most of what couples argue about - unless they have serious issues - is petty stuff relating to living arrangements. In our case, we each bite our tongue, knowing that we have arrangements to fall back on that will resolve the anger over for example seeing the garbage can overflowing.
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Enough Marie Kondo already! Read "Goodbye, things" by Fumio Sasaki. The Japanese are masters of minimalism and due to their small houses and apartments they really know how to de-clutter both materially and spiritually. Great book, full of tips and insights.
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@winteca I passed on a paperback of photos of Japanese houses to Goodwill during an earlier purge, probably mostly apartments, crammed to the gills with stuff. Not zen calm and minimalist, but fascinating. Now the Kondo Netflix series is helping me more than her book— along with watching a few hoarder videos.
I’m making headway with several hours a day of culling. My parents’ houses took months of work, even though every visit of mine for at least a decade worked on declutering and organizing. It’s hard when one lives in the same place for 50 years.
January is a good month for me to start. Around the first of every month from here on out I plan to take stock of what remains.
2
@winteca
But Marie brings me such JOY!
She is so darling.
2
@winteca — the Japanese ideal is minimalism but I guarantee you—as CB asserts below—not everyone achieves it. If they did, there would be no need for a Mari Kondo!!
Great article, NYTimes!
Thank you.
Timely and useful advice.
Loved all the comments.
9
People just need to read Marie Kondo's book. "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" It teaches you the psychology of dealing with letting things go.
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I’m halfway though the book. Love it!
Already looking at all my stuff and asking myself, “Does this bring me JOY?”
Powerful.
8
Watch her Netflix series where you can see folding and storage real time.
2
@alan Any tips on purging books I will never read?
4
Not to clutter up the Comments section, but digital clutter is just as bad -- if not worse -- as physical clutter when it comes to inducing stress. How many of us have thousands of emails we never deleted, outdated files we never purged, images we never look at again, vids we never watch more than once (if that), and tracks we never listened to? There's a reason why our hard drives get larger and larger, and it's clutter. It would be interesting to see a study on that. Maybe someone can send me the link and I can clutter up my desktop with that.
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JN Harris- Such a great point! 12K pics stored in my phone and 96K unread emails.
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@J N Harris
Excellent point! I'm one of those oddballs who regularly prunes my Inboxes - filing or deleting emails. I rarely have more than 20-30 emails in any Inbox at any time (including at work).
13
I couldn't agree more. I'm a text hoarder. I have every text I've ever sent or received (I did get a smartphone late in the game, but it's still a LOT!)
7
Clutter stresses me out, but I’m most cases it’s not my clutter - it’s my family’s!
I fought it for years but I’ve given up. I’ve begun to think my wife doesn’t even see it; it’s just there like a painting on the wall or the trees outside.
I only ask for one room that doesn’t look like a closet. That’s all I ask for.
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@Berk Demand it, for your sanity! If nothing else it will make your kids (if you have them) stop and think.
5
I don’t like clutter either and agree it adds stress to my life. My husband and kids leave a trail of clutter like breadcrumbs wherever they go. My 6 year old completed an assignment that asked what does Mommy say the most? Her answer: “I am not a maid”
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@Holly Lyn,
Priceless! That made my day. Chuckling still ....
28
I am going through this now: too much clutter but ours is in the drawers and closets, and totes in the basement. I'm sorting through all of them. Part of me wants to empty everything out and toss it so that we have more "space". It doesn't help that I'm also overwhelmed by the numerous Christmas totes that now must be packed and resorted and contents listed on them. Most of the problem is in the basement where my husband has a few projects; which has housed things belonging to my late father in law that we've slowly sold; and things from his house stored for his daughter to take. I'm the only one bothered by it all.
19
Very interesting, and I agree with so many of the comments about clutter being in the eye of the beholder. My husband has been on an anti-clutter kick but does not believe that any of his belongings contribute, and of course, I don't think any of mine do either.
50
Two things cured me of my clutter issues.
One, when my parents died and I was tasked with selling the family home and then emptying it out and finding a home for all the things they had accumulated over 60 or so years. That strengthened my resolve not to leave all that for my own kids to do when I died.
Two, when I went through a whole house reno and was forced to pack up my entire house because it was being completely emptied so that the floors could be redone and all the walls painted, which necessitated having all the furniture moved out. Literally carloads of stuff went to thrift stores, Goodwill, or the dump.
The feeling of ease and lightness cannot be adequately described. And have been on several trips to Europe since and not bought any souvenirs, other than refrigerator magnets, because I don't want my kids to have to deal with them when I'm gone.
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@Susan
You Go Girl!!!!!!
24
My sentiments exactly! It’s not fair to burden our kids with our stuff. Even my photos (pre-kids) were culled from 2 boxes to a manila envelope because I hadn’t looked at them for 20 years, probably wouldn’t look at them for another 20 and besides, my kids wouldn’t have a clue who all those people were anyway.
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Photos! So many it’s overwhelming. Scattered in many places. Some albums, some loose. I’m tossing any that do not have any member of my family in it those which are very unflattering, but there’s still thousands.
Any Advice?
18
i've always had a clutter problem. my parents are first generation immigrants who were escaping communism, and they had the typical "refugee" mindset. my grandmother lived through several famines, telling us stories of how to make tree bark edible (yikes). my parents don't throw away anything. used paper cups? ribbons from opened christmas gifts 3 years ago? shoes that are clearly falling apart? molding fruit? they'll keep it all. the living room looks like it was the scene of an earthquake, full of floor-to-ceiling stacks of books, used bags, old clothing, you name it. there's all sorts of things where they shouldn't be, pots and pans under tables sandwiched between boxes of ziploc bags, packaged food stacked on the floor, random knick knacks in kitchen drawers. "it might be useful!" they'll say. as a kid i wasn't allowed to go to other people's houses, and i thought the perfect interiors on tv were well, sensationalized to be on tv. only when i was fully grown and living in a college dorm with others did i notice, wow, everyone is clean but me. even now, cleanliness is something i'm trying to learn. it was hard and stressful at first. fear is what keeps me from throwing something away. fear of waste, or needing the objects i'm tossing. i've been making progress though thanks to marie kondo's tips! i even bought storage containers yesterday. i recommend the show "tidying up with marie kondo" for those of you with netflix.
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OK, I’m a “hoarder”. A fourth generation harder. But when my mother died I found my grandmother’s confirmation book she was given when she was 13 in Bromberg Germany, an album of photographs of her elders and peers, a lace collar she made (that I still wear on special occasions) and many other things that give me pleasure to wear or look at and bring back fond memories.
My closet still contains many items I don’t wear anymore but when I open the door and look at the beautiful fabrics, it gives me pleasure and reminds me of the good times we had, (plain black/beige/blue/etc. items are donated.
And the there are the bibelots scattered around the house that catch my eye when I enter a room and make me smile.
Thank you, I’ll continue to enjoy my “clutter”.
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@April KaneYou and me both!
@April Kane
That means that the items around you spark joy, so even the extreme declutterers would approve!
6
@April Kane
Ah, but it brings you joy!
1
For many people, at least some of the stress is knowing that you will be leaving all this to others to deal with at some point. I have a deal with my mother and my daughter -- if I outlive my mother, I will take what I want of what she has and sell/donate the rest with the understanding that there is no guilt about what I chose to keep/leave. Same deal with my daughter -- take what you want, get rid of the rest. NO GUILT. This way, both my mother and I have what we have -- whether or not it's too much -- but aren't stressed because we have made it clear that there will be no guilt if the survivors don't want it.
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@Trixie in the Heart of Dixie
I like what you and your mother have decided to do about your "clutter" sounds mature and wise.
8
@Trixie in the Heart of Dixie I really appreciated being able to go through my parent's stuff when they passed. I did keep some things, donated most and recycled what I could. It was a healing process for me. I don't plan on leaving a salt mine of junk for my kids to clean out, but I don't intend on purging at the end. Besides, I am still finding things inside of other things: my grandmother stuffed a silk Grand War souvenir square into a matchbox that was tossed in with other matchbooks. I'm very glad I opened it before I threw it away. It was a little gift from 100 years ago.
5
My sisters and I have loads of family antiques and pieces that my nieces and nephews don't seem that excited about. One sister made her daughter promise that she would offer any unwanted family things to her cousins first when my sister goes to the nursing home or dies before selling them in a yard sale. Me, I have a house full of stuff plus a storage unit. But it's hard to downsize when you love all of your things.
9
@mawoodham1 Do you really love them when they are in storage not being seen or appreciated by anyone, including yourself?
8
I hate clutter. My home is always neat. Pretty much everything has a place and is in its place. Yet things still accumulate. The golf clubs in great condition though I haven't played in years. The office supplies from when I had a home business (I'll use them some day). The "just-in-case-I-need it" items from extra sweatshirts to extra blankets. Much more. I hope to clean out these things soon, maybe.
23
My rule: For every new thing brought in, two old things have to go!
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@Sher
My rule, also. And if I am traveling out of the country, my rule is that a third of what I pack must be worn once and left with daily tip for maid.
8
mmm... and then there's this, also from the NYT... having a messy desk promotes creativity: https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/09/19/what-a-messy-desk-says-about-you/
16
@James I keep a disorderly art studio—two desks and two easels— while I am working on a particular project or series of pieces. Once I finish that project I do clean it up—partly because I work in different media, pastels, watercolors, graphite, ink, and want to keep the paper in the room clean (not to mention the floors), but also because I need a clean slate/fresh start between each project before I can concentrate on something new. At some point in every project, no one can go in there but me, and I can't move anything—it has to be a mess. At another point it all has to be clean, as in really really clean, so I can move on.
22
@James Thank you for posting the link to that article. There are at least a few of us who are emotionally stressed by tidyness and workspaces without stacks of projects.
5
I want that study in the photo — filled with books, papers, mementos. Dark, cluttered, a refuge, a cave of one’s own making into which to retreat with thoughts, reflections, perhaps closing the eyes, removing oneself from today’s overorganized hard-edge world.
39
I can’t stand clutter. I love clear, clean surfaces. I like things kept in their places. Junk mail goes into the recycling bin before entering the house. I now live alone and can finally have it my way.
My husband was an honest to god hoarder! From tractors to paper clips, he saved everything, broken, rusty, dirty, functioning or not, including piles of junk mail and unread newspapers.
Fortunately we had a basement and a large detached garage, where the 17 rusty hammers , 7 broken lawn mowers, the piles upon piles of things, and millions of pieces of paper all lived.
It’s not funny, not funny at all. I should go into the business of helping people organize and de-clutter, but would end up in a physch ward.
47
@KMMA
I married a man who is very messy. If I need to go into his shed, I do it quickly before I start to hyperventilate.
I like order, how do such musmatched people end up together?
22
@KMMA Ah yes, the husband who went to the dump once a week and came home with tractors, lawn mowers, etc. for the extra parts! I just had a junk removal company come in and it has been a revelation.
11
I don't find it that useful to talk about clutter and possessions in the abstract, without thinking about the size of the living space. Many NYC apartments will be cluttered even when possessions are limited. My small house is much more cluttered than those of my sisters, who live where real estate is much cheaper. Some stress may come from not being able to afford adequate space.
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Thank you for bringing this up. I live in a studio apartment with my partner and a small dog and I’ve been here for 20 years. The clutter is reaching critical mass despite regular, sizeable donations to the local charity shops. I don’t make a huge amount of money and cannot abide waste, so simply tossing everything and then buying it again when I need it isn’t an option. There’s a limit to how much you can throw away and still live normally, and when you have very little space the problem is compounded.
27
@Carolyn..exactly !! We live out on Long Island in a Levitt home..no attic, basement or garage for a grown family of 5. Inadequate closet space..I envy those with a nice walk in closet or tidy basement to store the winter clothes, college/camp stuff. But we are mindful not to subscribe to magazines or collect items that would add to the clutter.
8
@Lisa
I grew up in Levittown. We never got new school clothes unless something didn't fit. I think, now, it's because we didn't have the closet space. Family of 6, my sister and I shared a bedroom with one 5 foot wide closet that my father built. We were in the converted attic.
5
Does your school district have a clothing (and supplies) closet for homeless and low income students?
If not, encourage your local principals to start on in each school. Support it with donations.
20
habitat for Humanity is a wonderful place to donate many items and supplies.
22
I needed this article. I am accelerating my efforts, to toss clothing, shoes, papers, photographs, books, jewelry and memorabilia. And I stopped buying!!! It is challenging. I ask myself do you really need this or do you want it? If it is a want it goes back on the rack ASAP!! I discovered when I "allow myself to "feel" the lost, the seperation, now and then I get a lonely feeling when I toss an item, or a beloved photo of years ago or letters and other personal items, I am able to discard easily. I finally acknowledge, nobody, grandchildren, children, nobody!!!! will want my "stuff" after I am gone. ( I did not want my parents stuff!! Things have not changed!) Values and approaches to life and living are different and that is splendid! I am trying to live in the moment!!! And once, I coud not imagine tossing a book by a beloved author or special person, but after building a Free Little Library on our property, I place them in the stand and folks take them. I feel good!! I like to think I am encouraging the joy of feeling a book in one's hands. Clothing, shoes, bags, etc, tossing those types of items caused some discomfort! I was, am a fashionable person with taste. I give girlfriends and Niece first options, if they refuse, I donate them in a town a few miles from where I live, don't want to see someone in my town wearing my clothing. The upside, I am less anxious, depressed and stressed. I have more time/ energy to swim, walk and read.
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@Kenya
I love those Free Little Libraries!
16
@carab
Yes, and we are proud of ours!! Our three grandsons built it, with the aid of their grandfather, over six years ago. It has made a tremendous impact on in our neightborhod, bringing people together, encouraging reading and genuine friendships and communication and diversity which is so desperatedly needed in this nation at this time.
21
In our region, a large Methodist church has a sign advertising that they want furniture donations and household items, and will pick up from inside the house for free. They distribute the furniture to poor families. And two counties away, another Methodist church does the same, and is largest supplier to migrant workers and others in two counties.
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I consider clutter anything that gets in the way of living a life you love. Debt, grudges, stacks of books, overflowing dressers, your inner critic, excess weight, too many shoes or kitchen gadgets, unhealthy relationships, a draining job—the list goes on and on.
When you think of additional areas of clutter you may not have considered before, it can be a bit overwhelming. However, all clutter has common threads running through it.
Instead of only organizing the stuff, if you deal with the threads, you’ll be able to say goodbye to your clutter much more easily. In fact, you can stop it before it even becomes an issue.
Three common threads I have found in my work over the years are:
1. Unrealistic expectations
2. Lack of boundaries
3. Old beliefs
Check in and see what you're telling yourself about your clutter and you'll likely discover some emotional stuff that needs clearing before the physical stuff. Because yes, clutter is more often than not a symptom of something else.
Finally, "clutter" is a personal definition. If you don't love it, need it, or use it, I consider that clutter. And only YOU get to decide what's clutter and what isn't.
Person A might love a knick-knack-filled home while Person B opts for a sparse, minimalist look. Person B would consider Person A's items clutter, however, so long as Person A loves, needs, or uses the items, they're not clutter.
Kerri Richardson
Author of "What Your Clutter Is Trying to Tell You"
www.kerririchardson.com
58
@Kerri Richardson Your book was an excellent read!! It spoke to the whys and the emotions of clutter. I need to reread it again.
2
I'm a tosser by nature. My wife is a keeper. She had a big house, I had an apt and storage unit for my consulting practice's archives and furniture from downsizing. I was horrified by her house, which bordered on a hoarder's lair. When we decided to marry and buy a house together, we each listed what it would have to have for each of us. Light, and tidiness for me. A she-cave where she can smoke, watch football on a huge screen with friends and yell as loud as she wanted. We found the perfect house. Two levels. Enter on the top level, my rules: tidy, loads of light from a wall of floor-to-ceiling glass. Smoking only on the huge deck outside. Lower level, her rules: light-filled walk out basement. Her work-at-home office and she cave. Powerful air filter that's on all the time. And two other rooms filled with her stuff. I just shut the doors on them. It works for us.
37
Another study to show us what we should already know through common sense and experience. This reminds me of the article a couple of weeks ago about studies finding that constant interruptions in the hospital that constantly interrupt sleep and rest, interrupt recovery and healing.
When I was in student teaching and subsequently worked in various elementary schools I would raise the idea that the overly cluttered and overly busy and overly distracting classrooms were actually limiting the attention and focus of students, I was always met with either indifference or a deer in the headlights look that seemed to prove the point.
License to extrapolate people.
13
My sister's house is immaculate, it's also the most stressful place I have ever been.
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@Mickdog. Golden path. The art of balance.A project in progress.
6
@Mickdog My dad's second wife was one of those types. My sister and I could never go into the living room because the perfection of the pale beige rug was so easily spoiled. Dad once griped that he couldn't put down a half-finished glass of iced tea without her snapping it up and washing it. She would have been horrified by my apartment.
2
Working with seniors during the downsizing process I have seen it all! Clutter that has put a barrier on life. I often think about my own stuff and find trimming unwanted stuff this time of year is a good thing. This article makes me realize the influence of gender on one's tolerance for clutter. My 11 year old niece made me smile when she said her room looked "boring" when it was all clean.
18
If the reason that your home is cluttered is because you have no place to put everything, keep in mind what I used to tell my children when they were young: "If your room is a mess because you have no place to put your things ("But mom, it's not my fault, there's no place to put it!"), then you have too many things."
23
My vibrant 85 year old aunt says " you never see a funeral with a moving crew and a truck, let it go". Some of us blame our clutter to our small living spaces,the lack of storage, and not been able to aford a bigger place. As a housekeeper in the wealthy metropolitan NYC area for about 27 years I worked for wonderful people living in all kind of spaces, some in tiny apartments, townhouses, and small houses even with children and pets that were organized, declutter, clean and seemed to be larger than they actually were so were their lives. I also worked for clients that upgraded from apartments or small houses into larger houses in Westchester county or the suburbs of NJ, they spent thousands, hundreds of thousands even millions of dollars in renovations to make their places bigger, functional with lots of storage space; sadly it did not help much with the clutter(clutter jus got more space to keep growing) neither seemed to improve their happiness.
If clutter does not bother you or adds more stress to your life, let it be. But, if clutter becomes an struggle, you dread coming home after work, adds hectic to your mornings, you can not find important things promptly in a rush, stuff falls on you when you open a closet, you keep talking about it and so on.....letting go may be good idea.
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I am in my seventies, and my mantra is to downsize before someone else downsizes me. I am always on the lookout for someone who will appreciate receiving my clutter, be it a charity or a personal connection.
I knew that none of my relations would appreciate having my Mum's collection of serving bowls, but a lovely young caterer who delights in serving up delicious food in vintage crockery was most appreciative.
I have suggested to my husband that he offer his Dad's fishing paraphernalia to a neighbour who collects old wooden fishing reels etc. It makes the parting with things that once meant a lot in one's life so much easier.
114
@Alipal your comments tie in with a book I’m currently reading called “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” by Margareta Magnusson, an octogenarian who imparts a tradition of culling down one’s own possessions prior to dying (and not just when you’re on death’s door) to make sure that you don’t end up weighed down by a lifetime of things, and also that you don’t dump the task of going through your lifetime of stuff onto your children or whomever is left behind.
It also allows you the option of making sure items you want to end up with specific people do.
26
Your example of passing on your Mum's crockery to a young appreciative caterer lifted my spirits and showed a wonderful sense of ingenuity and generosity. It will surely inspire others as well as me.
27
@Marieke, I read the book last year, but was well on the way to downsizing before then. It just came naturally, but I must admit that MM gave me some tips to refine the process. I recommend the book heartily to anyone who is ready to take the plunge, particularly those farsighted folks in their sixties. There is no time like the present to give some.
5
It is to do with identity. People believe their identities are inextricably linked to their possessions. If you throw something away; you are throwing away a part of yourself. You are invested in the possession. Why else do people boast of their possessions? They link the core of themselves to the possession - it gives them identity. That is the faith of consumer society. We need a shift of paradigm.
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@JJ
I highly recommend "Buried in Treasures" by Frost, Steketee and Tolin, for people who are overwhelmed. I believe we all fall on a continuum regarding our stuff. For some people minimalism is easy. For others everything they touch becomes a treasure or a needed item. Everyone is somewhere along that spectrum. As we age decluttering becomes harder and harder due to physical limitations. Stopping acquiring is a good place to start.
5
@Barbara how do i know i am a serious hoarder? when i discover i own TWO copies of the above-mentioned book!😜
1
I decluttered my mother's home 3 times as she descended over the years into the final stages of Alzheimers.
I'm now trying to do the same in my home. I've had generations of stuff I don't want passed to me, and can't get rid of it. As we all know, no one want's old lady collections. Not even old ladies!
47
@Glenda
Donate—including to art students, who will repurpose some items!
10
From the comments section, it looks like there is clutter derived from psychological disorders such as ADHD, and clutter derived from plain procrastination. I am a very organized person, I declutter every day, but it is a never ending job. It helps that our family relocates periodically (around every three years), and each relocation is an opportunity to get rid of all sorts of items we no longer need. However, my husband and my daughter feel absolutely no need to contribute. His desk is a mess the size of a mountain, but I cannot touch it because then he cannot find his stuff. My daughter's room and closet are the subject of a daily battle with her. Did you put away your clean clothes? Folded, not in a mountain in the closet? Did you put way your toys? Your homework? Your shoes? As another reader posted, clutter should be included in the marriage contract. No wonder women's cortisol levels are high. I know why mine are high, and it is not because of my clutter!
29
@RoseMarieDC Do you really want to fight with your daughter every day over the state of her room? She has your example of organization in other parts of the house. If she's leaving the house in clean, presentable clothing (ex. not wrinkled from being in a pile) and can find what she needs when she needs it, maybe just close the door and let it be. She's the one living in that space. I let mine teen be after a time bc I didn't want it be a daily fight. Now she's still messy but it's her space. I don't have to live with it.
6
It's really interesting reading the points of view. Clutter really is in the eye of the beholder. I truly empathize with many of these points of view expresed.
The personal struggle I have is that, organizing and tidying have been something I've enjoyed my whole life.
What has become a real stressor for me in the past few years is what seems to be a constant and unrelenting onslot of intrusion of ' stuff' that we encounter in going about daily activities and the effort to purge it.
From large purchases to small, and don't get me started on electronics especially , nothing lasts and everything seems to need it's own custom cords charger etc. ..only to need replacing because it's soon outdated and not compatible with something else you just replaced!
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@Tara
I give such items to an engineering student we know. He is always thrilled.
5
@Tara. Clutter may be in the eye of the beholder but hoarding is a real hazard. Hoarding can result in fires, vermin, falls and inability to use one's living space. If a home is truly hoarded may be declared a public health hazard and not just for the inhabitants. A messy house is not the same as a hoarded one. Fire departments have rules, like how much weight can be supported by a floor, that doors must open fully, windows must be openable for ventilation, etc. These are objective measures with legal backing. People have been evicted or had their houses condemned in true hoarding situations.
5
I have worked with professional organizers and felt we achieved my goals. Two secrets of the successful process were:
1) As mentioned in the article, I did not touch the items as we were sorting which to keep and which to send elsewhere. I am a person who becomes attached to items I collect or items that come into my home so not touching as I sort is critical to making the decision to get rid of the item. (I also name my cars which explains the 1965 Audi Quattro in my garage.)
2) The organizer took with her the items which were to be sent elsewhere immediately on the day she left. I had no time to change my mind. This was a very different process to follow than when I did it myself. I would spend time boxing or bagging items and then think about what I had decided to give and take it from the box or bag. Get the items you want gone out of the house immediately
Another important part of working with the professional is that I did not worry about where the items I was getting rid of would actually go. Doing the sorting myself, I would spend time thinking about the best place to send an item or who might need the item most. When downsizing is important or time is urgent, the goal is to get the unneeded items out of one's house; let the professional make the decision about where the items would go.
It isn't always possible to use a professional so involving a friend or relative is the next best solution to implement the critical ideas learned from a professional.
39
@Lynda Obviously my Audi is not a 1965, but a 1985 model and yes, I am too embarrassed to write down her name.
8
@Lynda
I wanted to second your experience of using a professional organizer. I used one to get my much loved, long lived in house ready for sale. The good news is the learning has stayed with me. I continue to weed and donate. My frugal self is appalled at how much it costs to get rid of. Much easier to not bring it in.
1
There's a big difference between my generation and that of my grown children. For the most part, neither of my children have any interest in objects I have, that have been passed down through many generations. Nobody wants artwork, crystal, China, knick knacks, furniture etc. Things that I remember from childhood as being special, end up donated or trashed.
While I appreciate their tastes, & desire for minimalism, I will admit it saddens me.
141
Nobody wants? Lets not be so universal. My wife and I save much of our and kids memorabilia for our children. But unlike my parents, we don’t bring it up every holiday and demand reverence. When we go, it will be there. And I think at that stage, it will have much value to our kids. If not... so be it.
22
@KJ Most of us really don't want it and will have to deal with the guilt of getting rid of it. We want the beautiful memories of our lives together. That doesn't have to come with loads of things attached.
6
On the flip side, my house is full of furniture and decor that is not to my taste, because it was pressed on us (with a side serving of guilt) when our parents downsized.
I would also add to this very good article, and the many wise comments so far: the impacts of trauma.
Attachment disorders, the fear of being a bag lady, etc., can stem from childhood attachment problems in home life, economic struggle, etc., etc., can have long-lasting impacts, and exacerbate the need, the compulsion to 'hang on' to it all
It's not rational ... but very human.
79
I just de-cluttered my home for what feels like the first time in my life. I am sure I have done periodic spring cleans in the past, but this felt different. After donating seven bags of “stuff” to good will, I feel like a different person. The article does not really go into the worst cause of stress for me with layers of extra unneeded stuff and detritus... and that is that I often could not find things that I needed in my own home, or car, for that matter. I hope this article inspires people to declutter their homes and lives. Everything should have a place, and be in it, where you can find it. This was not a weekend project. It took me many, many days. But it has been so worth it. I feel like I have a new life.
96
I enjoy living with lots of things around me. It feels like I’m in a beautiful collage. Minimal spaces raise my cortisol. To each their own.
52
To each their their own indeed! NYT please take note!!!
3
@Andrea P I imagine though that your objects are curated rather than random stuff? There can be a massive difference in a space that’s crammed to the gills willy-nilly with anything and everything that someone can’t let go of, versus a “maximalist” space that has a lot of objects that have been carefully curated and have a place.
22
@Andrea P
Love this comment, Andrea. I am in the process of doing the full de-cluttering right now and am loving it, but I keep going back to a specific time in my life, when I was only 14, where I let my room be totally cluttered, an unpacked suitcase, etc. for the better part of a summer. I felt like I knew where everything was in the mess and was happy with it that way. But when the summer ended and school was about to begin, I instictively knew it was time to put stuff away and organize everything, and it felt good to do that.
So, I guess my point is that everyone is different, and can be different at different times in there life. Another comment stood out about a person who leaves stuff out when in the middle of a project but then cleans up between projects. That resonated with me as well.
The key it seems is to not to get too rigid. I feel like the minimalist spaces that raise stress levels for some people somehow emit a rigid vibe that is the feels like a weight just as much as too much clutter does.
8
A good friend has this outlook on accumulating stuff: Do you want things, or do you want experiences? She is accumulating experiences, and is probably healthier for it.
40
@Steve
She probably has fewer dust traps in her decluttered house, too!
3
I haven't read all the comments but sometimes exhaustion , poor health or chronic pain prevent people from keeping up with things, even hiring someone to help them declutter. I they don't have friends or family to help them, it's beyond difficult.
You need to have energy and be able to function to do what it takes
133
@suzanne
Thanks for this insightful post.
13
For me the free website of The Fly Lady was a lifesaver. She really believes in setting daily routines and says that you can do anything for 15 minutes.
My morning routines are so automatic that I do them without thinking. And I set a timer for 15 minutes, for example, before I clear off a table that has accumulated junk. Often, I get so involved that I continue working past the 15 minutes.
Personally, I have started my own motto that helps me start difficult projects. I call it "eliminating zero." For example, I like to make fresh and frozen turkey burgers, but there are a lot of steps. So, first, I chop up the peppers, red onion, and celery--and put the mixture in a small bowl in the refrigerator.
Then I stop and do something I enjoy. When I later come back to the task, I have "eliminated" the first step and it doesn't seem so difficult to finish preparing the burgers.
I do the same with laundry. When I take the clothes out of the dryer, I fold like items together (socks, towels, t-shirts, etc.) Then I set aside the dried clothes and come back later and put the already folded items away in just a few minutes.
44
@Marilyn I had a look at that website. It looks great- thanks for the tip!
4
@Marilyn
I do something similar, and it forces me to not neglect certain boring frequent chores I dislike. Thank you for your comment.
3
@Marilyn I used to read Flylady too. She also said 'you can't organize clutter'. This addresses the need to get rid of obvious junk first, and only keep those things you need, use or love. Donate or sell the rest. THEN you can organize the rest into bins if that's what you want. Basically, give everything a 'home'. That way you know where to find it when you need it and where to return it when you're done. End of clutter. Easier to clean, too, when surfaces are cleared and have a select few items for display.
Very interesting article. As a professional organizer, I frequently talk with my clients and audiences about the emotional toll that clutter has on us. Anecdotally, I'd say about 90% of my clients also struggle with depression, so I see the connection of stress/raised cortisol and clutter first-hand. I would love to see additional research done between the connection, which could lead to improved help for those who struggle with both.
Many keen observers have mentioned how ADHD and hoarding disorder are an important part of this discussion as well. For anyone struggling with ADHD and clutter, I highly recommend a fabulous book, ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize your Life. For anyone struggling with hoarding disorder (and family members struggling with how to be most effectively supportive while also caring for their own needs) I cannot recommend the book Buried in Treasures highly enough. Many local libraries will have both books, either in print or digital format.
Many areas of the country also have a HoardingTask Force, which can be helpful to those in dire circumstances. If you happen to be in San Francisco, the Mental Health Association offers some of the best support in the country for people with hoarding disorder and their families as well. Their process is so successful that it was studied by UCSF and Stanford is now replicating the study.
52
@Judith Dold I agree on the issue of depression and clutter. I think it's an issue often overlooked, especially in older people. There's all this focus on compulsive acquisition and procrastination, but very little talk about depression.
I have been trying to clean out the papers in my bedroom. This weekend, when I reached the bottom of one pile on the floor, I came upon a copy I had made of an article in the NY Times in Jan. 2011 on clutter with tips from a professional organizer.
26
@ellienyc Hopefully there will be more research in the future on the connection and how to help both along. Our finds within the piles can be so interesting; stock certificate, fun articles, heartfelt letters, all sorts of gems! It's a great side effect of decluttering and sometimes gives us a great laugh too.
7
It's similar to how some people's metabolisms are designed to live in a time of scarce food so they get fat in this time of abundance.
Some people are designed to value and care for things. Which worked out well for them and their familes in say in the caves or in the great Depression of the 30s.
But now, when there are cheap imports, everything comes in a durable plastic container, there are fewer children among whom to share the possessions of the older generations (and the older genertions die when they younger generations have already fully set up their own households) it's not such a handy trait. Not to mention how with people marring at later ages, you are more likely to be merging 2 complete households worth of stuff.
I do empathize with the profound desire not to waste things, and find it hard to let go of something unless I know it will get used by someone else. Sending perfectly good items to a landfill makes me crazy. This respect for things that took energy and raw materials to create is fundamentally a kind of sustainable caretaking for the planet. Problems with clutter reflect how cheaply we hold the earth's reasources, and how unwilling we are to share.
(And yeah, clutter still makes me crazy -- when I married someone with a cluttered house I fantasized about getting a dumpster for a wedding gift, and my registry would be a list of things I wanted someone to come in the night and take AWAY. Fighting clutter is an ongoing challenge, but we make do.)
51
@WaterKress
Live simply so that others may simply live.
4
@WaterKress I love the idea of a reverse registry, to give away things you no longer have a need for. FreeCycle on Yahoo is like that. You can post things that you want to give away and people in your neighborhood group can email you if they are interested.
2
You have to be ruthless if you want to live clutter free. I channel Johnny Cochran with this mantra: “If it don’t fit [on my body or on my shelves] I must omit.”
28
We own some wonderful pieces of art, and decided that before elderly ( and catastrophic health events maybe take toll in future)it was best to now start carefully giving away a few items each year.
To a dear cousin, a gift he and wife loved this year was wonderful framed historic photo (that was a 1930s WPA photo documentation piece). To another cousin on her birthday, a piece of jewelry. And ditto to a niece. To the fellow who lived with us when he was a college student, a Sioux Indian Beaded pouch made a century ago. ( We also gave him 3 Sanders and other equipment when we downsized a decade ago from a house in country to a townhouse.)
We will continue doing this each year with some of our possessions. It sends unexpected joy now to people we love, as we slowly reduce possessions.
39
@Jean
You're fortunate that anyone -- even family -- will take on any of your things.
I've asked, and am also talking about some lovely, collectible / valuable items and/or simply family pieces ... it's all 'thanks, but no.'
As the article notes, everyone has enough, or they can source exactly what they want ... vs. hand-me-downs ... online, etc.
So different from even 20 - 30 years ago. So, so different!
18
Huh. Not a word about ADD, the neurological condition that most often manifests itself as "clutter"; physical, psychological, emotional clutter, nor depression as a foundation.
Clutter can be far more than the end product of a long complex chain of brain misfires, emotional distress, long buried issues et al. Before there is clutter there are great miniature internal battles. Yes, of course people dump stuff around the house at the end of an exhaustive day, yes they may over-shop on occasion and they may be too busy to organize and declutter as they go. But the kind of clutter that progressively accumulates to the point of interference and overwhelm, compounds the issues that caused it in the first place (depression, ADD/ADHD, OCD, distress etc.) may need to be addressed first by some self-awareness, then possibly a professional.
The average person chirps "Just do what I do, that's what I do!" with the advice that they make lists, put dates on calendars, make reminders, designate specific times and on and on and on. Well, good for you. That just doesn't work for people that first must navigate a constantly backsliding, whirling, barricading mind. Those of us with neurological or psychological obstacles constantly, daily battle our procrastination, terror and overwhelm that causes a full shut down.
Clutter often isn't the cause, it's the symptom.
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Thank you Christina for saying what so many don't understand. The clutter is just the symptom. I too suffer from all of the things you mention and I beat myself up enough over it, so I don't need someone coming in and beating me up more. On top of that, I have become disabled and now the clutter is REALLY out of control. I know I need help, because I cannot see a good end in sight. I get so tired of people saying, "Just throw it out." If it were that simple, it would have been gone a long time ago. I always say that the house looks like what is going on inside me. I call it spill over from my Pandora's box, that is over flowing. I am afraid to address it because I feel I might just explode! If I tell anyone, the city might send someone in to evict me from my house. So we sit in silence and suffer to avoid the vile criticisms and possible ill actions of others. It is so refreshing to hear someone else who actually understands what is going on.
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Thanks for this. It totally tells the story of my dearest girlfriend who has severe ADHD and depression and whose home is an absolute nightmare (old newspapers and dirty clothes all over every square inch of floor, filthy dishes, boxes, you name it). Said friend also has a cell phone with an extremely cracked screen that make you wonder how she can read anything and hasn’t yet sliced her fingers with it. She bought a new phone a year ago but hasn’t opened the box yet because the very idea is too exhausting/overwhelming. People like her are suffering a lot. She can’t even get rid of her crazy old phone let alone all the junk in her home.
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@Terry. First off stop beating yourself up about the clutter. Second unless your clutter is causing a health issue or safety issue perhaps while you have time, pick a spot and start to go through items. Enjoy the memories that each item touched brought you, then out of those save the ones that brought you delight or happiness. The others place in a box to give away. It took two years for
Me to go through my parents belongings after they passed. While at times I was overwhelmed and many said just toss it out, I took the time to soak up the wonderful memories of every item. Did it take time yes, could I have been out doing something else? Yes. But this was important to me almost a way of understanding myself more. What we need to remember is we are all different with different needs and wants. Not to declutter ones home is not a sin. Let go of the guilt and anxiety and enjoy life with or without the clutter!
6
Raised three kids to maturity, now widowed and empty-nesting in a 330 sq ft tiny house; my next move will be smaller still. Downsizing is my mantra. Tedious, exhausting, and ongoing. The elephant in the room is shrinking - One day at a time… There is messiness and clutter, an accumulation of a 64 year life well-lived.
Perhaps we fear the loss of memories! It’s been said You don’t need the object, you still have the memory, but not if your memories are fading! Consider that a whole forgotten chapter of life may come to mind when uncovering a relic of one's past!
I will be working towards digitizing photos, because perhaps nearly every picture does tell a story worth a thousand words! And I plan to tape record my stories that are triggered by Rediscovering a 50 year old ticket stub or out-of-state license plate.
One small volume of photos portraying my material essence together with some written outrageous stories could become a treasure trove for reflection- rather than pangs of guilt for donating or trashing my collections!
In a society that focuses on sensationalism, guilt, shame and materialism, the wonders of contemplation, introspection, enlightenment and memories built upon experiences are fading and it’s no wonder some of us are disenchanted. Frankly, my stuff is valuable to me, as there is not much out there that entices my consumerism other than reliable transportation, replacement of broken or faded necessities, and food. ~Be gentle~
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@DarcyJane. Its been suggested that people take pictures of things they want to remember but for which they no longer have room, if possible.
Rules on cluttering should be stipulated in prenups.
22
I love purging stuff. After cleaning out multiple relatives homes you realize how little stuff you need and how little carries any meaning. I acquire as little stuff as possible, what I do own is top quality.... Less stuff gives you clarity.
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Contractor trash bags, companies that will come and haul things away, the swap tent at the local dump - these are your friends.
Trying to help borderline-hoarder friends pare down, I've seen their obsession that every item needs to be donated to the right place, sold on Ebay or in a yard sale, or gifted to someone who needs it, or to their children. Books must be taken to the local library - according to the fantasy that used books are highly desirable. But all this involves way too much effort and heavy lifting and logistical planning, so zero decluttering happens.
It takes a change in mentality to throw things out, but it is liberating. Or call one of the haul-away companies. They sort things and donate usable furniture, lamps, kitchen stuff, décor, tools, to places like Habitat for Humanity.
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@GKC I am relatively good at periodically decluttering, but I resonate with the stress of decisions and wanting to finding organizations and people where the items will be “useful.” I guess it fills the need not to feel wasteful. What has helped is having gone through my parents and in-Laws homes when they died or had to move to assisted living: that in an of itself is huge motivation to not leave that task to your kids.
1
As a 56-year old adult with ADHD, I learned long ago that clutter is deadly to the ADHD mind. This might seem counterintuitive (you’d think ADHD people would be more prone to clutter), but I found I cannot concentrate unless my workspace is bare and austere—with the only focus for my attention being whatever I’m working on.
I spend my life picking things up around our house and putting them away; yet my wife claims I never “clean” the house. She doesn’t mind the clutter—when she says “clean,” she means “bacteriologically clean.”
12
My mother, an orderly person, always used to tell me to consider thee following before buying anything: “Do I need it? Where am I going to put it? and Is there something else that should be thrown away if I get it?”
23
Three great questions. My strategy was similar. ..anything that came into the house had to be offset by something discarded. At least, that was the goal.
3
@Judy My grandmother had a depression-era phrase that I try to repeat as my mantra:
Use it up, wear it out.
Make it do or do without!
I try to follow it, buying less and making what I have already "do". But it's a struggle in our consumer world!
The twenty newspapers a week that pour into my house have led one friend to describe my kitchen table's aesthetic as "hoarder chic."
I blame the New York Times for being part of the problem!
12
@Dr. O I have switched to digital editions for precisely this reason. Magazines are available on tablets or lap tops. Recycling seems like a solution, but often organizations do not want what we are recycling so we might as well be digital. So much of the clutter I object to on a daily basis is print that can be digital: magazines, newspapers, books. All of these also have the advantage of changing the type size. Kindles are so much lighter than a large book. And digital editions of the NYT have one of the most civil comment sections.
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@Lynda I agree about the comments sections. I always look forward to reading the comments after reading the articles, so I can enjoy and sometimes join in the discussions.
12
Imagine my surprise to read this tonight after just watching the first episode on Netflix of Marie Kondo’s series.
I was very impressed with the logic in her organization. Her folding and upright storage of clothing and things make you able to see what it is you have in that dresser/box. Holding an item and thinking about whether you really need it based on the feeling you get from it or don’t and then parting with it was very wise.
I know that since I took the advice of a good friend about 10 years ago to cull everything I haven’t used or worn each year, and give it to someone who can or will, has made my life easier, less stressful, and has made me feel like a better person. To gather “stuff” for stuff’s sake when someone else could really use it or needs it is just wrong.
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@Wende I just started reading her book. I like her idea of going by category not by drawer or room. But please tell me what nine year old comes home everyday to declutter a space? Not normal but look where she is today!
2
I have a de-cluttering buddy. We de-clutter for (at least) 15 minutes each day, 5 days a week, and text, "Done!" to the other when we've finished. The accountability works wonders!
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This is an excellent suggestion.
14
It is easy to acquire more than we need, keep things we no longer use, and for home to become crowded with other possessions. I.e,, clutter.
A few years ago, a male family friend was going through a divorce and needed kitchen supplies. So I set out a box, then another, as I weeded out items I would be happy to pass along. Why, I wondered, had I acquired 5 ladles? Yes, a couple of different sizes made sense. But 5! Did I really need to keep some mixing bowls I found too heavy to comfortably use? Did we need so many mugs, etc.
Then on to extra bathmats, extra buckets, a heavy vacuum that was too much to lug up and down stairs, etc.
Once we decided we would downsize home, I spent half a year in advance seriously purging , giving tools and cookbooks away to young couples, and clothing to the handiman and his family, furniture to the school is driver who mowed our lawn, and books to library and a college.
Now, once a month, I still weed out more books and donate. I set aside a box in basement and place in it items for my handiman (whose teen daughter and wife wear my size, and he wears my husband’s size.). I keep weeding out supplies, like extra sanding paper, left over paint I won’t reuse, gardening supplies I don’t need.
When our congregation—or others—prepare for garage sales, I take a hard look at furniture, lamps, baking supplies, etc., and weed out.
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I wonder if the clutter and chaos - in some cases - isn't due to how chaotic many peoples brains operate? I see that a lot at work. Chaotic thinkers, who can't or wont stay on a task, leaving their work spaces a mess, and in turn leave their mess-piles wherever they go. And when they are managers, they promulgate chaos and clutter among their staff.
Everyone thinks they're multi-taskers - I've met only a few in over 4 decades. But even they knew when to focus on one task at a time.
Personally I'm a surface-filer. Meaning I need a table top to lay out my bills, etc, in a certain order so I don't forget them when they are due. If I file them away, put them out of a direct line of sight, I will be late on them...
Post-its and electronic reminders don't work for me, unless its a 24 hour turn around. Quick To-do's. The Post-its just blend into the background, and the ringers get turned off...
My desk is a repurposed oval kitchen table. Laptops in the center. Bills, etc, laid out on the left.Open, clear working space to the right. No drawers, no file bins (except for old completed work) not in/out box...
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@Boregard
Google the images of Einstein's desk. I don't think a correlation exists between a messy workspace and a chaotic thinker.
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@Boregard I pay nearly everything online and do it the day the bills come in. I can set the payment date so I don't overdraw my checking account. I'm still working on an uncluttered desk but this approach at least keeps my bills paid on time. The paid bills go in a pile and get filed every few days.
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There is a big difference between clutter and hoarding. The first one: usually temporary, easily taken care of when the time is right. The second one: a huge symptom of some serious emotional and mental health issues. Life with a messy person, tolerable as long as messy person willing to learn and practice new habits and routines. Life with a hoarder, a living nightmare unless hoarder gets some serious emotional/mental health treatment. The hardest part, knowing when the line has been crossed. After living with a hoarder for way too many years, I know better now but may young people or newly single people who have never experienced hoarding need to keep the difference in mind.
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This is our life. We battle clutter every day and it's driving me insane. My wife is the daughter of a hoarder; my childhood home was usually tidy, but never perfect. When I first visited her apartment, my jaw dropped. Dozens of old newspapers, dirty laundry, two black garbage bags of unopened mail, mold in the kitchen sink. I chalked it up to her busy job. We fell in love and married. I assumed the role of trying to ease us toward a neater living space and was met with fierce resistance over mail and old furniture. We moved to a larger space and a fresh start. Enter kids and my career becoming more demanding. I did not have time to continue to handle all of the household tasks, and my wife showed little interest in this. Then we fell into the storage unit trap: first one, then two, and now three. Our apartment remains a cluttered disaster. The kids know. They have no space for their childhood. They can't have friends over; we meet visiting relatives in restaurants. We spend endless, stressful time looking for my wife's phones, shoes and clothing. My wife (and therefore all of us) has endured tragedy in the last ten years, including the deaths of her parents, medical scares, job uncertainty, and a fire in our building, so I try to give her space. But when is it enough? We're drowning and our kids are growing up in this. A home is supposed to be a refuge from the outside world. But here, we can't even all sit at the kitchen table for a family dinner.
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I married a self-described "messy guy". Back then, young and naive, little did I know that he was not a "messy" guy but a hoarder. My life with him was a never ending battle as hoarding is not just a "bad habit" but a symptom of serious emotional and mental issues which get worse with age. Sadly unless a hoarder gets treatment, not only there is nothing you can do or say to help them but your life together will be more and more miserable and a nightmare. My mistake was to be arrogant enough as to think I could love enough to help him overcome whatever mental and emotional demons he was trying to assuage by hoarding. My advice to my young self: run as fast as you can. He is not well. Hoarding is a serious symptom. To my older self: ask him to get treatment or walk away as there is nothing you can do to help a hoarder without proper treatment. To my current single self, currently recovering from the nightmare living with a hoarder is: you can't love anybody enough into mental and emotional health regardless of how much you are willing to sacrifice your own well-being so pay close attention to those emotional/mental issues "red flags" you will see when you start dating again.
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@Cuff
I hope you will find this helpful. I am also the daughter of a hoarder, and I fight down the urges and compulsions to keep things like my mother did. My mom passed away seventeen years ago and I had to clean out her hoarder house, which included years and years of old mail. I think that experience helps me fight the same tendency to keep things. I have taught myself some mechanisms that help satisfy my need to collect and I am very self aware of why I have those urges. First, I do it because I am afraid of losing something that I might need one day. I grew up with a lot of instability in my life and it makes me feel secure to have things like clothing, food, basic necessities. One of my weaknesses is too many clothes. But, as for other things. I've taught myself that the compulsion can be satisfied by allowing myself to keep very small things that don't take up much space. I have a little collection of historical postcards and another one of vintage silver bracelets. Both of which fit in a small boxes. I limit myself to those. I also remind myself of how miserable it was to live in a home with my mom's clutter. I also couldn't have friends over, and I was constantly afraid that I smelled bad, like her house. You might urge your wife to recall what it was like to live that way in her childhood, but I think the first and best option might be for her to seek some objective counseling. I have so much sympathy for what you are going through and I hope it gets better.
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@Cuff, this is real. I understand because even trying to sleep where my hoarding mother's bed USED to stand caused unexplained insomnia and headaches. Nothing allowed me to get rid of the insomnia and headaches until I got rid of the clutter. Wishing you the best in getting help trying to solve this.
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I’m a self-admitted electron hoarder. After all, electrons take up no physical space. It’s just a hard drive and another external drive full of years of photos, music, files and business and personal emails. It’s stressful to see the thousands of files, but at least it’s searchable.
After reading this, and while watching TV, I went through my DVR and eliminated 2/3 of the series I record and already recorded episodes to watch “when I have time”. Now instead of 80% full my DVR has 80% space.
One small victory over electronic clutter! Could “inbox zero” be next?
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I own a home decor shop and really think about what I sell... is it necessary or will it bring joy? I carry Marie Kondo’s book and always tell my customers, only buy it when you are ready or it will become part of the clutter and don’t buy it for your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law!
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@Kimberly Dennis
You tell customers not to buy on a whim? I hope you dont rely on that income...
How can you decide what brings any customer, other then well-known regulars - what they need or brings them joy?
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@Boregard So I’m referring to not buying the book until they are serious about de-cluttering. Ironically the people most interested in the book are already pretty organized. I really think about the purpose or aesthetic behind what I put in my shop. It’s only 500 square feet so I create a new Inspiration Board every few months to keep me focused and make sense of what I’m buying for the shop. It’s worked so far, I’m in my 5th year.
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I will never be SO famous that any archivist (or family member) would want my performance art writings, poems, diaries. I bought a simple scanner, that spit out each typed, and sometimes actually cut and pasted with tape page, put them into tiny PDFs and then each page slipped right into the recycling bin.
Similarly, to the person who did not wear her readers while sorting, I was saved from the bog of sentimentality. The quicksand of reminiscing.
15
Thank you, dear readers, for your comments. I have loved this conversation!
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Continued
I do suffer from depression, but I've had it most of my life. I don't know if being depressed caused my clutter problem, or if my clutter problem just made my depression worse. As I've gotten older, I realize that I have fewer years ahead of me than I have behind me. If I haven't used something that I've been keeping until now, I'm probably never going to use it. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself as I come across each item in my home. I hope that works. I also have to stop being a perfectionist and tackle small tasks more often. Little by little I may be able to get rid of stuff, but it's bound to be better than getting rid of nothing, which is what I've been doing all of my life.
28
Continued
For those of us who are perfectionists, we don't want to do something unless we can do it perfectly. I don't want to start a project that I won't be able to finish the same day and not have it done perfectly. So I procrastinate. I tell myself I'll do it on the weekend, or better yet a long weekend. Then I realize I have a week of vacation coming up in a few weeks, so I put it off for a few more weeks. In the meantime, not only am I not getting anything done, but life goes on and the clutter and mess just keeps getting bigger and bigger. This leads to the third P, paralysis. When I finally have the time I feel I can devote to my decluttering project, I look around me and see how immense it is, and I'm overwhelmed. I don't know where to start or what to do. I'm paralyzed by the enormity of the task. I feel like it's hopeless, and I just give up.
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@I said this
You just described me exactly. I'm at the paralysis stage. I live in constant fear that the police or fire will have to come into my house and then they will see the mess and tell me I can't live there until it's cleaned up. I keep telling myself "Just spend 15 minutes each day" but as you stated, I'm completely overwhelmed.
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Ask a friend for help. You sound like an intelligent, self-aware person who just needs a little help from their friends. It’s how John Lennon got by and we should too. Good luck and blessed be.
9
Get professional help, psychological and organizational help. The first one to help you work on the issues making you hoard as no matter how many times you clean, you will do it again. The second one, somebody that has dealt with hoarding before to help you as a well meaning friend might just make things worse because getting rid of stuff for a hoarder is very traumatic. You just can't do it by yourself. Work on the emotional part first to get you ready for the actual purge.
12
I went to a Clutterers Anonymous meeting years ago. I believe my cluttering comes from the fact that my mother grew up during the Depression, and she and her mother lived in a one-room house or apartment with a wood stove to cook on and to heat water for bathing. My mother dropped out of school at 13 to go to work to support her mother and herself. Her mother died 9 years later from cancer. They had nothing, and at times they ate nothing but porridge three times a day for several days. When I was growing up, I learned that we didn't throw anything away if it could be fixed and still used. My three siblings and I wore hand-me-downs. My mom darned socks, patched knees on pants, and pretty much everything in our house was bought at garage sales or the Salvation Army, including all of our clothes. We ate leftovers and leftovers of leftovers. I think that's why I have such a hard time getting rid of anything. In that Clutterers Anonymous meeting, they talked about the Three P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis.
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@I said this i like the 3 Ps. I probably didn't re cognize the state of paralysis that i was in. Procrastination along with difficulty in decision-making, ADD, and caring a great deal where discarded items went have greatly continued to my clutter problems. My saving grace has been that my house had a flood and several cluttered rooms had to be completely emptied to do the repairs. Somewhere the restoration company has this large storage unit where they have packed and stored probably a couple hundred boxes and furniure. I'm made a commitment to myself that much of it not coming back into my home.
2
This is my 2nd post about the subject. In my ideal , dream , vision I am in the Leavenworth convent where my aunts spent 6 decades. Long, white, spotless hallways with carefully curated icons and statuary at careful intervals. Sunlight streamed onto the clean floors. The common rooms were very simple and uncluttered as communal life required not intruding physically upon others in what was treated as a spiritual space at all times. I have also visited a Shaker village. There they hang up the chairs on wall pegs between meals. And they sing ; " Tis a gift to be simple ..." Just thinking myself into either place lowers my cortisol. And then there is my life-stuff is everywhere. Much of it is lovely and a tribute to the weaver, the fabric designer, the painter, the sculptor. Who can resist these things ? And artists need to earn a living. This goes for the books as well. If no one bought them most people would not be able to write novels, poetry, create dictionaries of symbols or architecture, gardening books, gardening tools, the garden itself-sacks of seeds waiting to be planted. I am caught between these ideals. But they are both lovely ideals.
But I do know that these piles, stacks, documents slow me down. I do want to spare my children the task so I am trying to do better. And don't think to leave it to one of those auction/estate sale services. They have no respect for your dignity and I've seen them sell half empty packages of elder diapers. And worse. Be proactive.
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Love your description of the convent! When I was going through a divorce, I found picturing my next dream kept me calm and happy. Now if I working overtime and getting behind in decluttering, I picture my dream home as I am falling asleep, room to room, and it gives me something to look forward to.
6
Clutter isn't the problem. It's the fascination with supersizing everything, of building ever yet bigger barns to store all our stuff. When we had smaller homes, we were all better off. We had to choose more wisely.
23
I don't remember the exact quote, but Thoreau said that in proportion to the things we own, our things own us.
9
How timely.. I am moving this month from my charming, albeit small, apartment into my boyfriend’s fully furnished house. Being an artist, I have surrounded myself with an eclectic collection of art, sculpture, and artifacts with some cherished pieces that connect me to my childhood history and the timeline of my life. I asked myself “do I take all this with me and store it until I can go through it at a later date and reduce the collection?”
Enter my CPA boyfriend, who encouraged me sell or give away as much as I could - suggesting that we would buy new things to make “his” home “our” home. I ended up advertising in my local neighborhood site “For FREE, come over and help yourself”, giving away all my furniture and many things that I’d moved, packed and moved again to each new nest. I ended up keeping my artwork and art supplies, and clothing- giving away all of my furniture, drapery and rods ,lamps, large antique mirrors and rugs.
Purging all of this has left me with a feeling of lightness and the joy of giving it away was a feeling that was wonderful and worthwhile.
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@CherylRuth Thank you, this is inspiring.
4
@Lisa Thanks Lisa, I recommend it. Push came to shove and while I kept irreplaceable art, I let go of things I'd held onto for 20+ years. My children are greatly relieved :).
5
For me, the challenge is wanting to get some remuneration for things I am getting rid of that are valuable. EBay is too complicated; yard sales too limited in reach; and donations not really monetarily viable. I think there is a huge opportunity for a business that would pair de-hoarders with those looking to get used items at a steep discount.
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@Paul in NJ I'm in the decluttering business, so I'll tell you what my experience is: most buyers won't pay the original owner anything near what they have in mind for the value. Our consumer society is drowning in stuff, and the thrift stores are getting pickier and pickier about what they'll accept. Your business idea sounds lovely, but I don't think there's a real market for it. Your time would be better spent to a favorite charitable thrift store can sell the items (and usually not for very much).
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It’s been done, it’s called Craig’s list. Easy & you will get rid of it in no time!
5
@Paul in NJ wait, don't give up. We have consignment shops in our town that flourish with good stuff at steep discounts! Yes, they're picky, but not AS picky as you might think. Like if you brought chairs in there that were dirty, they'd probably tell you to clean them on the spot if you could. Our society so full of stuff that these places never run out of things! Yes, eBay still thriving, but I also know consignment and resale is not going to go away either.
1
Just watched the first episode of the Marie Kondo show and felt a surge of anger at the not very subtle suggestion that the wife was to blame for the state of the house (regardless of her part-time wage-paying job and her primary care-taking of 2 toddlers). Once again this behavior is an individual failing to be cured by intervention, clutter. But what yet another reality show exploits as personal failing is actually a pathology of hyper capitalism. We literally live in a culture that tells us to BUY BUY BUY and it is women who have been targeted with this marketing for a century! We are bombarded with images of homes filled with stuff, from junk to luxury items, resulting from the non-stop messaging that STUFF = success and happiness. Houses drowning in clutter represents in little what capitalism has done to the planet.
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This article appears at a very good time for me - I'm in the process of moving, and in doing so, I'm trying to pare down my possessions. My ideal is to get down to a small collection of the tools I use in my life, and art. I'm having mixed results.
It is very difficult to say goodbye to quality items that reflect my interests and skills, past and present, and equally difficult to do this with items that represent memories of e.g. my child when he was much younger.
In preparing to move, I'm packing preemptively, and I notice something very interesting. After packing all my CDs and books (a very considerable collection - I'm a musician and an inveterate reader), to my very pleasant surprise I miss none of them. I may simply donate them all to a library. I don't miss any of the items I've given away, or left in the lobby. The less I own, the happier I am. It's quite a revelation.
79
@Rick, there are also some wonderful online better world/thrift bookstores that will buy your pre-owned books, resell them to people who really want them, and donate the profits to worldwide literacy and environmental sustainability programs. Wishing you well with your move.
11
We are a retired business writer and professor who are voracious readers and had accumulated many, many books. One day we decided to get rid of most of them, especially most reference books (no longer needed because now we have the internet) and paperbacks that were going to fall apart. This was about 10 years ago. Recently we agreed that not once have we missed a book we disposed of. We kept favorites of course. His travel books and my children’s picture book collection mostly.
1
Hurricanes are the major Caribbean method of decluttering. On the mainland we'll probably need a financial collapse and inundated shores.
17
@bill Or raging fires, as in California.
4
I realized years ago that I kept objects, not for themselves, but for the memory attached to them. A late, loved pet’s food bowl, etc. I feared the loss of that memory—not the thing itself! I started photographing such objects, then sending them off into the world. All I have to do is look at the photo to re-cherish the memory. Portable and freeing.
291
I believe for some of us the need to hold on to stuff and aquire is in our DNA. My father grew up in the Netherlands during WWII and my mother during the Depression. I often find myself thinking if we go to war or the economy collapses will I need this? As others have mentioned de-cluttering has a psychological component. Fortunately, I have made peace with my belongings and realize that my 'clutter' is a reflection of all I hold dear. And if the world does come to an end and you need an extra blank journal please come to Vermont I have boxes full of them.
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I struggle with this, and so did my mother before she left a whole house of clutter behind when she went to the nursing home. I feel that things, such as pebbles, shells, fabric, poems on napkins, feathers, sketches, books, paintings, photo albums, vases, shoes, old fashioned clothing, ribbon, soft sweaters, old towels, wrapping paper that might come in hand one day, rubber bands, etc. have a special found and tactile beauty that is hard to resist! My mother was an artist and made and collected beautiful and mundane and repetitive things through shopping, such as thousands of soup cans and the same stretch pants still in the wrapper. I cull often, but am still overwhelmed with paper, books, sentimental objects. My table right now is full of past issues of the New Yorker and the New York Review of Books that I've barely skimmed. It seems to wasteful to throw out things, and it's exhausting as the article says. I am going to watch Marie Kendo. I feel like I could devote a summer to my basement, but it's easier to leave the country, and much more rewarding!
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@Dr. Conde
"I could devote a summer to my basement, but it's easier to leave the country"
This may be a lovely needlepointed sentiment, to add to my needlepoint collection :)
Thank you for the smile.
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Thank you for your comment to my entry. I really appreciate it.
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I have one fool-proof plan about reducing clutter. Before starting on any area to purge, I watch two episodes of Hoarders. After that, I go to town!!
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@Catherine that definitely works! I’ve done this before, it’s very motivating
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@Catherine I recommend the BBC program, How Clean is Your House. The presenters are kind and funny. One is a scientist, and takes samples from surfaces, appliances and the air to show people with cluttering and cleaning problems the organisms they're living with (molds, bacteria, etc.) and the other is a cleaning expert who shows you how to clean and restore things many Americans would throw away. They treat their hoarding clients with respect and don't pathologize their situations, at least not in the broadcast versions of the show. I also recommend Julie Morgenstern's book, Organizing from the Inside Out.
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didn't George Carlin say your home is a place to leave your stuff while you're out getting more stuff
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Oops makethat the Whitestone bridge!
"What gets measured gets done." I have a few specific measures of clutter that help me avoid clutter. If it's a kitchen utensil, how long does it take to get it out of the drawer? (Even fractions of seconds add up.) If you have a display of decorative items, do you have an unobstructed view of every item? (If you can't see it, why are you are "displaying" it?) Of the handy things you save in the garage, do you know what all of them are? (If not, then how are you going to remember it and find it when you need it?)
A friend of mine once said "I have a garage full of everything I need. It's called a 'hardware store'." Think about the grain of truth in that.
To match the jazz I hear on KCSM, I'd need to build a collection of many dozens of CDs. Life is too short and my bank account too limited to not just turn on the radio and be delighted by something new every day.
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@Alex
I have been trying to use the public radio argument on myself to cull the cd collection. I use radio more than I take the time to choose something from the collection "but, my mom gave me that one" "but, I saw him in concert with so-and-so" -- I know. Trying.
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And the vinyl! When turntable failed, it pushed me to move other stereo components on as well as my records. But I do miss them, miss the album covers, miss the sound, miss selecting them even though it was seldom. A good decision, but...
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@Alex
Hi Alex, you "turned me on" to a new Jazz station!! I started listening ASAP and was impressed. Thank You!!!! Now, I like to tell you about my favorite station for Jazz in the worlds!!!! WKCF FM, NY (Try listening, an dhopefully enjoy.)
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Apres moi, le dumpster.
I do not care.
While I am alive, I like looking at my grandmother's Oriental rugs, my mom's desk, Dad's bronze lion, my paintings, etchings, bookcases filled with my father's books, old hardcovers I purchased secondhand, my old rocker, the chair from Maine my father-in-law and I re-wove a year before he died, antique lamps, the rebuilt baby grand.
Nothing expensive, everything old but in good condition.
Not clutter; just good friends.
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@B. This is pretty much how I feel about my clutter. It's more a comforting "nest" than it is a "mess." Everywhere I look, I see something that warms my heart or delights my eyes (lots of art on the walls! rich fabric on the couch! musical instruments scattered around the living room! ). And I am not a consumer (i.e., I don't bring new stuff into the house unless some old stuff breaks or wears out), but I sure am a "keeper" of memories and art. Perhaps all this stuff comforts me because the first 18 years of my life were spent moving from place to place to place (military brat), and my family and our "stuff" were the only constants?
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It is very unkind to do that to those left behind to clean up your hoarding once you are gone as they will have to deal with a very time consuming and very expensive process while dealing with grief and will/estate paperwork. one thing fr sure, very doing this you are ensuring you will not be remembered as fondly as you would have been had you taken the time to make things easier for your surviving loved ones during a very difficult time.
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@Rosie "Apres moi, le dumpster." Very witty. Maybe the family won't mind sorting out the estate so much if a sum of money is set aside in the will to pay for the dumpster. :-)
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