This just breaks my heart, And the schools really need to do more to stop this bullying. Also the parents need to talk to their kids and discipline them on this bullying, they should know better. I know alot about it. My daughter was bullied in middle school and it was horrible. I stayed at the school. My daughter didn't even want to go to school no more.
1
How confident is the figure of a 25 percent rise in suicides over the past 20 years given that coroners used to underreport suicides the preserve life insurance for the survivors and because some churches saw suicide as a sin. Even today, there’s much stigma to suicides and many are reported as accidental falls, accidental overdoses, car accidents and even firearms discharging while cleaning. Like many other reportable such as rape, the figures on suicide are likely underreported.
2
imagine being an american child going to school in 2018. if you can survive your school years without being shot, then what? you'll graduate into a world uninhabitable because the adults in this country chose fossil fuel profits over your future.
3
What should be obvious to an adult is not so obvious to a child: you can’t force anyone to like you. Every kid is as lonely and awkward as you are; you just don’t know it. If someone is bullying you, tell your parents. You may think it will make matters worse, but it will make matters better. Talk about it. You owe nothing to anyone except your parents.
1
"On Monday, Joe Shoemaker Elementary had a crisis team of psychologists and social workers on hand to help."
Too late for Jamel. In addition to telling these kids it's alright being gay, I hope the school points out it is not alright to bully for any reason, that being a bully has no place in school at any time or any place.
That's a hard lesson to explain or re-enforce, given the lack of adult models in American society today.
1
Bullying with rude words is nothing new in our society; it is as old as humankind. Back when LGBTQ wasn't even a topic, and in small rural areas where everybody had the same cultural and racial background, kids were bullied for other differences like hair style, body size, sound of voice, etc. etc. It is utopic to abolish bullying at schools. This world is not always kind, gentle and nice. This is reality children have to learn to deal with. Kids need to learn to be more resilient. I don't believe any kid would commit suicide because of being bullied with words unless there is another underlying issue with the child.
1
This is a terrible tragedy but there is more to this story. An unmarried woman who began bearing children as an adolescent; a mixed-ethnicity family living where acceptance may be difficult to find; the struggle to raise three children with not enough resources--this child had many stressors.
I can tell you this. If my child had been bullied for a year--no, sorry, I would not have allowed my child to endure being bullied for a year. No way on earth. If we don't pay close attention to our children's distress, who will?
13
As a mother, I was a little struck by your choice of one word in your opening sentence: "still." Of course she is 'still' struggling. Her child killed himself last week. I imagine she will 'still' be struggling for many months and years to come. Maybe this is a small point about a small word. But I think in our world of speedy news cycles moving us through one tragedy after another, it is good to encourage us all to slow down and think. This is still happening all the time. And we should still be grieving about long after a new sad story about bullying pops up in our feeds.
12
My heart breaks for the mother and family of this kid.
I can not avoid noticing how the rise in teen agers suicides coincides with the rise in social media, a spreading and extremely worrisome addiction.
It must be horrible enough to be bullied in person, add cyber bullying to it it and it takes a super strong child not to succumb, at some level at least.
4
I can so relate to this article as I was frequently bullied in elementary and middle schools while growing up in East Elmhurst. Going through those schools were so much tougher than high school, college, graduate school or work. More should be done to prevent students from bullying other students in school. Perhaps create a law to require schools to have mandatory courses (for students, teachers and staffs) in the subject of bullying, including the harmful effects of being bullied and what constitutes bullying--just like how companies have mandatory sexual harassment courses).
2
The thing about this situation I find most unsettling--- not the bullying, not the disclosure at a very young age--- but the fact that a nine year old apparently gave in to despair that his mother could not protect him. Please don't jump to the conclusion that I am *blaming* anyone. I am just trying to wrap my mind around how he could feel so utterly alone and hopeless when he had at least one parent. I was bullied at school. Luckily for me, the bullying didn't rise to the level where I felt an intervention was needed but I could have and would have gone to my mother and father and been confident they would have protected me. What was missing in this child's relationship with his mother that he gave up hope on it and took unimaginable matters into his own hands? I'm not ready to blame it on social circumstance because I have known many parents living dire lives who still protect their children with a vengeance. This is not about sexuality to me at all. This is about the breaking of one of the most important covenants of human existence: that parents will protect children and children will go to them when they feel threatened.
6
Will anyone sit down with this young lads bullies and call them out?
I cannot believe there wasn't at least one teacher who could see what was happening! Maybe they didn't care! Maybe they're so busy that they failed to see the pain this young boy was suffering!
This situation is exactly why we have so many young men who take up arms to end their pain and suffering. This lad took his own life but others, like the multiple shooters, take their pain out on others!
There is something basically out of whack with American culture that allows bullying to continue with no real efforts to end it.
When you couple that siltation with the easy availability of guns, it becomes clear that mass shootings are going to continue.
We are not safe anywhere we go! Guns, guns and more guns!
Thank you NRA!
3
Heartbreaking. The real health crisis is the amount of hatred in America. Children learn to hate from their parents so it's no wonder they pass this on in the form of bullying. Guns are a manifestation of that hate. Currently, there are more guns than people in the U. S. Until people decide to accept other people who are different from themselves, things will not change. Change begins at home.
8
Where is the father?
9
For all of the parents out there who would like to believe that their own child isn’t capable of inflicting this sort of pain on another kid, or that it couldn’t happen to their own child, you may want to rethink that sort of closed-mindedness.
Kids can be horrifically cruel.
6
This is one of the most disturbing I have read in months. How brave must a 9-year old boy be to come out to his family and everyone at school? I am at a loss for words. I feel like holding Jame's mother and sisters. I'm also very, very angry and can not understand how school administrators and teachers didn't protect this child. We need to see the It Gets Better project/campaigns aggressively implemented in every school in America along with campaigns by The Trevor Project. That's just to provide the necessary support to every gay, lesbian, trans, queer, intersex, asexual and everyone-in-between child in this country! I'm mad, so mad. This is heartbreaking.
4
how did he kill himself? how long did she keep the body in her house? the author makes it sound like she kept the body from Thursday to Monday and watched TV with the dead body.
A parent must harm-proof a house. My guess is pills. He didn't jump from a high place. If you have pills around the house, you keep them out of reach.
If theer's no suicide note, it might have been an accidental suicide.
Journalism such as this erode's the credibility of the NYT and the Left.
1
You should read the article the whole way through...all of that information is there.
7
@richguy
"Journalism such as this erode's the credibility of the NYT and the Left. "
You really shouldn't comment on the quality of the journalism when it's clear you didn't read the article.
The article clearly states that the boy hung himself in his room.
1
These are young children, the fault here is with the parents of the children doing the bullying. Everyone, no matter their age has the right to live a peaceful life. They shouldn't be called names by anyone. If Trump's wife is serious she should go to this school and speak out.
5
Maybe the police should investigate in this case where his mom were during the death and if there are signs of force on his body.
NO child with 9 years would ever think about suicide, they would run away for a night, they would say they go to school and do not, they would do everything but no suicide.
4
I had classmates around that age attempt suicide when I was in fourth grade, so apparently it does occur to some kids.
3
@Peter
I did that young. Very much so. That's how horrid bullying can be.
The article clearly states that she and his sisters were in the house. She'd sent them to clean their rooms. He'd left his door partially open. When she went to check on him he was already dead. She attempted CPR but it was too late. It doesn't take much time to die by hanging sadly.
The medical examiner would have made mention and reported it to the police if there were any such marks on the boy's body. The medical examiner clearly did not.
4
@Peter
Many children begin contemplating suicide at this age. A handful of them do it.
3
Unless he's built like a bodybuilder a 9 year old gay boy is no match for bullies. Neither are many young girls. Schools are supposed to be a safe haven to learn and advance yourself. Sadly they are failing and this is taking a toll on families everywhere. Comedian Chris Rock in his recent Netflix special "Tamborine" joking advocates bullying as a way to prepare youth for the hardships of life. How would he feel if it were his son or daughter who took their own life? But then again wealth has it's protections and privileges. He would only have to go one time to the Principal for results, even though he is black. But he is a different kind of black as we all know. What he has done, even though it was meant in jest, will sadly be taken by many Trump bullies as a sign that bullying is OK.
3
This is so sad. What a doll.
1
Bullying is intolerable and school officials must be made to take the strictest of attitudes to each case.
8
.
Where is Jamel's father?
Boys without a father present are at greater risk than those with a strong father--son bond.
At nine years boys need a good role-model and as they get older, like all children, they need to develop abilities, skills and knowledge (ASK) to find a place in society.
Our culture/society seems to be denigrating the father, but there is currently an effort to form a White House Council on Boys and Men http://whitehouseboysmen.org/
8
Reality check. You want to talk about the influence of fathers on bullying? Bullies are often bullied at home - by their father. It's learned behavior. The implication that this boy was victimized due to absence of a father figure is offensive and absurd.
16
@avoice4US Really? Really? This is how you respond to a 9 year-old who felt so unhappy he hanged himself? Yes, please shame his mother, who sounds like a very caring mother.
8
@avoice4US, who are you to judge a hardworking mother raising 3 children? While there is no mention of what led to her raising her children without a father you have no idea who was included in his extended family. Your comment is off topic and blaming the victim rather than those who tortured him. This has to do with being bullied to death not who comprised his immediate family. It's clear that he was deeply loved by his mother -- and sister -- who was trying to do her best by him and was raising a sweet, sensitive boy.
5
Doesn't seem to me bullying has changed much. What has changed is this notion that you don't hit back. Dumb, dumb, dumb... If kids will be kids, kids will have enough and hit back - usually sending the bully off to bully someone else - if you LET them. Problem is, they aren't allowed to "do unto them that have done them wrong." Really STUPID policy. You want your time and effort wasted in raising a "bullied" kid who gives up on school, or, worse, kills themselves outright? Just keep selling this, "Oh, that child must have problems at home" stuff. Get your kid some help with verbal skills, martial arts, and the option to give the other kid expensive choices. These are life-skills too. The bullies are only going to be bigger, and smarter, later - and be your kid's boss, neighbor, wife, sports fan in the next row of chairs, the driver taking her parking space, or, promotion... Life skills people... LIFE skills.
8
@Johnny Woodfin I totally agree. There are too many parents saying "hey! my child is being bullied at school! what are you gonna do about it?" Well, I have an idea - why don't you tell the bully and his parents to sit with the bullied and his parents with the police and school administration and give everyone a chance to speak openly about what is going on. Bully doesn't show up? Expelled. My point is there has to be some creative solution to get people the attention they are so desperately craving. You want to bully someone? Bully me. Bully the police sitting here with handcuffs - bully the kid's parents in the room with everyone. It works, folks. Put the bully on monitoring, yes, 1:1 monitoring. Embarrass them. "Why do you have a staff person following you?" "Because he/she likes to bully people, that's why". You like YouTube? Post a mandatory apology. Don't want to? Expelled.
Oh right, we don't want anything that works, we only want to entertain things that don't hurt someone's feelings or give them the opportunity to call themselves a victim. I also agree with the fight back mentality. I'm so SICK AND TIRED of people saying "oh, now now, violent outbursts are not the answer". Well, teachable moment here - it's not a violent outburst, it's called defending yourself - and yes, there is a difference. Take defense classes, learn how to maintain your ground, teach bullies they cannot bully you. If bullies think they can bully, I think I can defend myself.
1
@Johnny Woodfin — Why am I reminded of the adage: “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind?”
Whatever happened to teaching children to have basic respect for others (especially those who may have difficulties seen and unseen), which means not thinking the entire universe doesn’t revolve around them? Whatever happened to putting parentally-controlled limits on access to social media, and other outlets that have taken bullying to whole new levels of cruelty?
It sounds as though you just want kids to push back and escalate the behavior and abuse, as if that is the only solution. News flash: That will only perpetuate the behavior.
A few questions: What are these “expensive choices” you mention? Busted nose? Busted glasses or teeth retainers? Busted phone? Ruined school books or clothing? “Time and effort wasted in raising a bullied kid” who may drop out of school or kill him- or herself? Really?
Please, someone — anyone — tell me that I’m totally misconstruing the context of this comment. I will humbly stand corrected. I have a child who is bullied, and the last LIFE skill I want to teach him is how to be a bully himself.
3
A death like this gets slight coverage compared to the death of a young Iowa woman, apparently at the hands of a Latino illegal. Both are deaths by rage. Rapists act more in rage than lust. Bullies, the same. Meanwhile a white young man commits a mass murder in Jacksonvilles. That gets less coverage by Trump and the Right than the death in Iowa.
Because a Latino was involved.
So the racism, the gender bias, the violence goes on, and some of it becomes vicious political fodder to be swallowed by Trump's base.
10
It's an epidemic.
Eighty-five percent of LGBTQ students face verbal sexual harassment and 58% feel unsafe while at school, according to the latest national school climate survey conducted by GLSEN.
Schools can do more for LGBTQ students by offering a safe and inclusive school climate with supportive educators, LGBT-inclusive curriculum, comprehensive anti-bullying policies, and student clubs, such as Gay-Straight Alliances.
8
Just throwing this out there... what would happen if there was a school assembly at which the principal said that every single one in that school who said something mean, or texted something or posted something was responsible for the death of this child? That created a sense of shame in the children for their actions? That made them feel responsible for their actions and then motivated them to be better? Would that change the climate? It could. Sometimes we need to call something out to a child as bad, not just say something vague and meaningless like, "Let's make better choices about the words that we use."
I had a dear friend who died from brain cancer when he was 18. He was small and frail and pale and had no hair due to his cancer treatments. In high school, bigger boys knocked him in the hall, made fun of him. When they found out what was really happening, many then became big supporters, ashamed and in tears for what they had done to a classmate who was actually facing harder and bigger challenges than they ever had. Children can learn to be fair and wise and good if they are taught or challenged or encouraged to be so!
39
This makes me so sad. My son was bullied, they said he was gay even though he wasn't. The school admin was completely indifferent, actually implying it was his 'problem' as he wouldn't give names. Yet the teachers say it in the halls between classes. When I'd take that to admin, they'd ask the teachers, and they said they couldn't remember. This happened daily for all 3 years of middle school. I kept an open conversation with him on their cowardice as I continued to work through the do-nothing school admins. Then, I just taught him how to fight. That fixed the issue, off grounds, of course.
6
As someone who was bullied as a child and who has had to deal with one of his own kids being bullied, I am getting increasingly frustrated with the 'what can teachers do?' approach to articles on bullying. Bullying is, at heart, an act of public shaming. Its power lies in everyone knowing and no one doing anything. Ms. Pierce was in contact with the school. They knew. What did they do? How were the bullies being held accountable? Were they? Probably not.
31
Why do we have so much empathy for only one child in this story- and he is dead? Get real. The "community" was not evil, the other children were not evil; they were human. Elementary aged children are not notorious for their ability to navigate sexuality/identity etc. Many struggle with conforming. I am queer and in a community boiling over with anti-bullying resources, an undying commitment to inclusion and devotion to celebrating diversity AND the grade school kids are still full of bullies, "mean girls" and cliques. Kids are still at risk for depression and isolation born of teasing and exclusion. Nine IS actually young to be publicly processing your sexuality- just the fact you're talking about preference and "coming out" is enough to garner attention- and that is overwhelming. Schools DO need to step up and have plans in place to support young children who are bringing up their gender identity/fluidity and orientation in elementary. But please parents and guardians- do not rely on that structure being in place for your child to explore all of who they are safely- we are not there yet. Children still need to be taught restraint, measure and privacy when dealing with gender and sexuality and given support and protection to develop and grow at home.
14
It's increasingly difficult to be a kid. So many kids are in mental health crises and there and there aren't enough people to help or even identify those in trouble. Suicide across all ages is rising. Our society is on the verge of being forever broken.
3
@northeIf you do not teach your kids how to handle bumps in the road and never allow them to deal with things on their own or face any discomfort, then as adults or before, they are not equipped to handle the knocks that come with life. Every little challenge becomes an end-it-all tragedy. That's why you see so many suicides today. Not Bullying- But the lack of skills to circumvent it. Most "bullying" today is just words read or heard.No harm can come from it unless you have not learned to manage your emotions. Managing emotions and behavior are fundamental skills that all children need to learn and when parents interfere, children miss those opportunities, Flame me all you want but child psychiatrists say the same thing.
1
We have regressed too far as a society if even children see suicide as a way out of their problems. Humanity, tolerance and empathy have become empty words as image seems to trump everything else.
Deepest condolences to the family and RIP Jamel.
#Heartbreaking
6
@Uttara Many parents will go to do anything to protect their kids from even mild discomfort, anxiety, or disappointment—’anything less than pleasant’—with the result that when, they experience the normal frustrations of life, they think something must be terribly wrong.
1
Goodness gracious what a handsome boy, what a tragedy, look at his smile, he was so worthy of life. I wish I could have been there for him, talked to and encouraged him, helped him deal with his bullies.
Unfathomable, I remember my fourth grade teacher and classmates when 9 going on 10, suicide wasn't even a thought or consideration at that age regardless of the day to day schoolyard social friction.
What's happened to this country? Is it our 21st century greedy feckless elected officials, gun love and bullying authorities, toxic schools and poor parenting or has our society just become iredeemably malignant to do this to this 9 year old boy?
May he be in a better place with unconditional love.
14
"On Monday, Ms. Pierce went to see her son’s body for the last time, she said, lying next to him for two hours while she watched his favorite cartoons. She also sang to him."
And that's unfortunately where I had to stop reading. My little seven year old boy loves Teen Titans Go! and Spongebob and loves singing and making up songs. I wish this family all the peace they can find and hopefully some answers as well.
18
Any investigation needs to take testimony from students to identify who participated in this. At the least they should be publicly shamed.
4
find the kids who are behaving like this and lock them up and send a message that bullying is wrong and inhumane.
It is a disgrace that a young child takes this dramatic step. Hold the kids parents liable as well. Watch how fast they start doing something about their kids.
2
This is a painful story. Sad. Important.
4
I can only imagine the pain this mother and family are experiencing. For them, I can only add my own tears. We will go on because we must, but we are forever diminished by the loss of this beautiful child.
When the signature trait of the leader of a nation is bullying those that are different, bullying becomes a way of life. Children bully because they see adults do it.
For those being bullied, especially the young, seeing this behavior not only from their classmates but from adults in authority erases hope that things will ever get better.
We need to foster that hope. And we need to rid ourselves of those that would crush it.
My sister is a teacher. She's seen small children cry because they felt they might be rounded up and deported. She's seen increasing divisions between children of different races. And she's seen bullying increase.
The president not only condones such behavior, he revels in it. It is the basis of his political brand.
We are better than this.
22
What 9 year old is sexually conscious enough to know he's gay? I didn't start to have sexual thoughts until age 11. I would strongly argue that being gay is a sexual thing and does not exist without sexual feelings. I don't believe that gay is an identity type. It is attraction to men (people of the same sex). I had a terrific gay prof in grad school. He was very open about being gay, but he never signified it. Being gay was not his identity. It was just how he felt sexually. The one big problem with the 70's sexual revolution was the equation of desire with identity. One's desire has become the mark on one's ontology, one's very essence. It should be impossible to talk about sexual orientation without talking about desire. I'm straight, but I am straight only when I feel desire for a person (woman) or think about such desire (or recollect it). When I am skiing or running or reading logic, I am not straight (or gay). Our representation-obsessed, media-saturated culture no longer seems to afford any existence or space beyond identity.
14
So for you it was age 11, so no other male child should have sexual feelings before age 11? My perfectly heterosexual husband has told me that he tried looking up his teacher's skirt when he was playing cars on the floor as a six-year-old. Open your mind to the idea that each person's experience is his or her own and follows no rules.
7
If you were a straight boy who had a crush on a girl when you were 9 or 10 was that sexual? You wouldn’t have noticed because you were straight. Everything you felt was, as far as you were concerned, normal and indeed represented in the heteronormative culture. (As for your professor not signifying his gayness - not sure I what you’re on about) Maybe - as a straight man - you should take a moment before telling other people what it is to be gay.
5
My heart goes out to Ms. Pierce on the loss of her beautiful boy. I sincerely believe that the toxic environment continually reinforced by the role-model-in-chief does trickle down and gives others license to be cruel.
Sadly, bullying is not new. In the early 60s, I was bullied incessantly in school for the "crime" of being a bit plump and developing earlier than my classmates. More than 50 years later, 4th grade remains the worst year of my life. What is new since I was a child is social media. I honestly don't know whether I would still be here if my tormentors had been able to amplify and spread their taunts via Facebook. I had a sympathetic mother but that was not enough. Schools need to work with both children and parents on empathy training and send a loud, clear message that this behavior is unacceptable and transgressors will suffer specific consequences. And teachers need to keep a close watch out for bullying, ready to step in and stop it when they see it. Silence can equal death when it comes to fragile, often defenseless children.
7
I don't recall ever seeing a sweeter face than that of Jamel Myles. I can see myself hugging him and not wanting to let go. I cannot begin to fathom the pain or loss his mother or sibling are experiencing. I deeply grieve for his family.
10
Being fired from a job is one of the most humiliating experiences an employee can have. Yet The Apprentice, a reality show where each episode ended with Trump firing a team member in front of his or her peers was a popular show for several years—humiliation as entertainment.
This is about more than individual parents of child bullies. This is a cultural sickness.
22
Your son was beautiful, inside and out.
That is a reflection of you and your love for him.
The loss of your son is beyond tragic. He should have had a chance to live his life fully and proudly.
11
This is a tragedy. But there isn't any factual evidence cited in the article other than the mother's claim that this boy was bullied because other students knew he was gay. Also, bullying contributes to but is not necessarily a cause of depression which in most cases do not lead to suicide. Third, a supportive family dynamics with good, honest communication is important in detecting and preventing this outcome. The mother says he was bullied for a year, but do we know of any actions taken over that year? In these cases, it is much more complex than pointing the finger at one issue.
6
@hmlty, the article does NOT say he was bullied "because other students knew he was gay." It said that he and his sister had been plagued by bullying in school the prior year and that he told his mother over the summer that he was gay. It seems to me that this was a very supportive parent and communication with her child was not an issue, as evidenced by the fact that he shared his belief that he was gay with her. Further, the article states that "last school year, Ms. Pierce said she had been in frequent contact with administrators about behavior and bullying issues." Not sure what your point is. Clearly the mother was not at fault, having done all she could, but the school to blame. The right actions taken in time could likely have prevented this tragedy.
2
Beyond heartbreaking. There should be ZERO tolerance for bullying and for parents and schools not addressing bullying when they know or should know about it. And, it wouldn't hurt to have a president who doesn't lead by bad example.
3
@Ed Fontleroy So if you snowplow all the obstacles and never allow your children to navigate them,how are they going to acquire the skills to cope as an adult? Are you going to be there when he is bullied at the gym,work or collage?
Truly gutted from reading this story. As a parent of young children having constant conversations about bullying is part of everyday life.
5
I find it hard to connect the dots that being in school for four days are the root cause of a child taking their own life. There's a lot more to this story than what's being told. I can understand a child being curious about and questioning their sexuality at an early age, but to come out with the statement that they're gay at age nine is certainly surprising. Given the mentality of most nine year olds, making a public statement about one's sexuality would certainly be a cause for school yard taunts. We certainly don't expect children of that age to make such declarations just as we would not expect children of that age to be able to rationally comprehend, process and properly react to such information. The taunting may have well been the tipping point for this horrendous tragedy but it certainly was not the sole reason behind it.
5
@Kurt Pickard
This is a tragedy regardless of the circumstances, but agree with your point. I certainly did not know anything about sex until 6th grade, 11-12, when I got the birds and the bees talk from the parents, when a few girls in class started wearing "training" undergarments beneath their blouses and sweaters.
I certainly didn't know my sexuality at 9, girls were icky back then to this young boy, I played with and was taunted by the other boys, though I grew to like girls as I got older and eventually mairried one and had children with my wife.
Yes, something seems odd about this handsome young boys whole situation. The focus on gender identity at 9 years old, and having such self destructive impulses at such a young age. I wish I could have been an acquaintance or relative to encourage and cheer the young lad up, his photo and story absolutely heartbreaking.
@Kurt Pickard, to me the point was that he had been bullied the prior year, perhaps thought it would be better after the summer, and when bullying started in immediately again perhaps Jamel gave up and couldn't face the prospect of being victimized for another year. NOWHERE does the article say that he made a public statement about his sexuality.
4
@Kurt Pickard
24/7 harassment can get to anybody. And that's what we've got these days. Even if you take all electronics away, the kid knows it's there, waiting for him. This isn't forty years ago when leaving school in the afternoon/weekend/summer break, would mostly likely give the kid a break for a while. It's there, all the time, plus it's usually also being broadcast to the rest of the school, racking up other harassers and turning off potential allies, if they believe what is being said.
Unfortunately, we live in an increasingly toxic atmosphere of resentment and unprovoked petty cruelty.
22
@Regulareater
"An increasingly toxic atmosphere of resentment and unprovoked cruelty" - absolutely, but I would beg to differ that this scenario can be categorized as "petty" especially after a nine-year-old boy committed suicide.
2
@Marge Keller
I took it to mean "about petty things" - as in, I could live with someone picking on Hitler for doing what he did - that wouldn't be *petty* cruelty. Picking on someone for their hair or shoes or whatever, is not only cruelty, but for a petty reason.
But it wasn't my wording, so I could be wrong.
2
@Regulareater We do, indeed. The bullying behaviors are learned behaviors. Children are not born cruel beings; they follow their parents, siblings and peers behaviors and this is what happens. It's hard for me to practice forgiveness when I hear news like this.
Leia, I am so sorry for your loss. I weep for your loss. As a mother myself, I can never never imagine the pain of losing a child. I am deeply sorry.
As parents, we must teach our children to be more loving and accepting. We must set an example to our children. It begins with us. Please, before this happens again.
9
It’s way past time to start holding parents, schools and other authorities legally accountable for bullying. The pocketbook versus the conscience - which is more powerful?
22
It is hard when children see the daily dose of our bully in chief who sits in the Oval Office.
3
This is so heartbreaking. Parents of bullies are to blame.
33
WHY does a 9 year old feel he must "come out" in public?
43
@RLiss, it was not at all clear from this article that this boy came out in public. The article said that both he and his older sister had been bullied frequently at school and that over the summer he told his mother he was gay. Likely his tormentors seized on the fact that he was different from them and bullied him because of it. At that age being different can be really painful and teachers should be trained to deal with bullying and watch for warning signs in vulnerable children.
14
@RLiss Did I miss something? Where are you getting this from? He told his MOTHER that he was gay. Maybe kids in school were calling him that and other things and he came to the conclusion that that must be true. He was 9 for goodness sake. Where are you getting that he came out in public?
11
@RLiss he told his mother he was gay. He didn't come out in public. And if he had, it would be because he knew himself. Why do straight people feel so freaked out by difference?
Children can be cruel, and when their parents and the president espouse hurtful beliefs, that cruelty is both condoned and encouraged. In the near future, we will program the human abstract thought process in a computer using a "survival" algorithm, and from this we will finally understand how we have tricked the brains survival program with our ridiculous beliefs about just exactly what is supposed to survive - leading to all sorts of destructive behavior. When we do that, we will begin the long journey back to our native reason.
See RevolutionOfReason.com
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Why are there so many commenters blaming Republicans and Fox News for this tragedy? Has the left lost all common sense?
Talk about dividing the country.
This tragedy happened because children can be and will always be cruel to each other. Children torment each other, and they thrive on this torment when they think a special characteristic makes their peers “weaker” or “different”. They are opportunists.
They tormented that young child to this tragic end because that’s the nature of most young children, unless their parents teach them better. This has nothing to do with Republicans or Fox News..
Please stop dividing this country more than it already is. We are one UNITED America, stop with classing us by how we vote.
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@WillF People on tv and those in positions of leadership are role models. The ways those role models express conflict and problem solving - in tone of voice, and language - influence young people. General civility is now disdained as political correctness - when it is merely respect. The discourse of our role models must become kinder, more empathic, and respectful if we are to have a united society. Our votes therefore should reflect those values - whoever we watch on tv or support in an election.
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@WillF
At a campaign rally, Donald Trump mocked a Washington Post reporter with a physical disability, waving his arms in the air and distorting his speech. This type of cruel bullying should have been a nonstarter for someone seeking the highest office in the land. But millions went into the voting booth and selected him. What message does send to children?
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@sfb When last you saw/heard Fox or the president denigrated LGBTQ persons? Name a GOP leader who has said something to this effect about LGBTQ persons.
You cannot, therefore you are playing identity politic which is tearing this country apart.
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Hate is a direct by-product of Trump conduct. It doesn't trickle down, it floods.
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@lorenzo212bronx Absolute nonsense. Trump has nothing to do with this death, you give him too much power. This was the result of bullying and of a child that was not given the coping mechanisms to deal with the cruelty that has always been childhood. Bullying has gone on since the beginning of time; humans are not good at seeing it's destructiveness. Hate is not a by-product of Trump or anyone. It's the result of everyone, and you are in that count given your comment.
@lorenzo212bronx Unbelievable you are making this a political point. Bullying existed a long, long time ago. And it continues to today and probably into the future.
I can't do anything to help Jamel but I can honestly share that I was in the same place in school. Bullied for being gay, for being different from other kids. I, too, contemplated suicide. If by some miracle a high school (or younger) student is reading this, please don't do it. It DOES get better. You may not believe it now but school is ver in the blink of an eye. In college and adult life you'll find people who appreciate you for yourself. Yes, there will always be haters, but I shudder to think that if my 15 year old self had gone through with it I would have missed out on so many wonderful friendships and relationships, including the most important of all, my partner of 20 plus years. Don't just take my word for it. Read the stories of others at the It Gets Better Project and see.
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@Scott D Thanks for sharing! #itgetsbetter
Will any consoling and condemning words about this horrible tragedy be forthcoming from the lips of the self-proclaimed, anti bullying advocate Melania Trump?
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@John Grillo I was wondering how many posts it would take to have Trump's name brought into this. What would her "words" do? SHe should denounce mothers cranking out kids without fathers and indoctrinating them which had more to do with this story than anything a Trump had to do with.
My heart goes out to this family. I am so sorry. I pray for all young and old who are bullied. It is so devastating. We are finding it is worse than abuse in terms of long term mental health. Unbearable.
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This is very sad and I feel for his mother and family. Unfortunately it's the more sensitive people of our society that feel the pain of bullies the most. In a society that is becoming more polarized and discriminatory under the Trump administration, I'm afraid that we will be seeing more of this type of tragedy.
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“I took a shower, but I put the same clothes back on,” she said, staring at the ground. “I need him back.”
This story broke my heart into many pieces when I read it yesterday. I sat stunned for a very long time. For ANY 9 year-old to think suicide is the only remedy to being bullied or being gay or worse, a combination of both hateful acts, then society has failed this young boy on a plethora of levels. Kids this age should be thinking about computer games, sports, and simply playing outside because it’s summer, not contemplating suicide or hateful thoughts about a classmate.
I wonder if the kids who tormented Jamel Myles realize just how powerful, destructive and hurtful their words and actions were? Where and who do they learn such mean and vile attitudes from?
I cannot stop thinking about the pain, fear, rejection, and terror Jamel must have felt. And that his mother’s statement of “I need him back” continues to resonate in my head. Her pain will be with her forever.
Jamel’s mother summed this situation up precisely when she stated, “We need to be more loving, more caring, more accepting of each other.” This is the kind of message that should be shown by example in every home in this country.
Deepest condolences to Jamel's family and friends.
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This is not just a problem for children. Suicide is a sign of our tribal society and how cruel the media, smartphones and Facebook can be. There are close to 24,000 gun related suicides every year in the US. These suicides were from all age groups from people that were probably depressed and Bullied like Jamel and they may have even been White.
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@Dean Oestreich If you do not teach your kids how to handle bumps in the road and never allow them to deal with things on their own or face any discomfort, then as adults or before, they are not equipped to handle the knocks that come with life. Every little challenge becomes an end-it-all tragedy. That's why you see so many suicides today. Not Bullying- But the lack of skills to circumvent it. Most "bullying" today is just words read or heard.No harm can come from it unless you have not learned to manage your emotions. Managing emotions and behavior are fundamental skills that all children need to learn and when parents interfere, children miss those opportunities, Flame me all you want but child psychiatrists say the same thing. Many parents will go to do anything to protect their kids from even mild discomfort, anxiety, or disappointment—’anything less than pleasant’—with the result that when, as adults, they experience the normal frustrations of life, they think something must be terribly wrong.
Why can't we use our federal tax dollars to start a compassionate communication program for all taxpayers? Compassion starts from the home and trickles down into the home life. All adults need to step up and show the right way--no more road rage, no more triggers in the cashier line, no more calling people name. It all adds up! All kids are watching you, even if you're a parent or not. Hate is a learned behavior. Unlearn. Restart.
This child did not deserve to suffer. Nor his family.
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Perhaps instead of filing suit against the school or teachers parents of children who are bullied should sue the family of the bully. Maybe if there is some financial loss or inconvenience to these parents in terms of defending themselves and hiring their own counsel etc, they might be more interested in the harm their kids are doing.
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@Melisa Neuman I agree. If someone was directly responsible for my child's death, I wouldn't even THINK to sue a school. That's like watching a doctor amputate the wrong leg of a loved one but suing the manufacturer of the surgical instruments. Something ain't right, ya'll.
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@Melisa Neuman
bullies are often bullied at home. I am not sure this would help.
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@John
"That's like watching a doctor amputate the wrong leg of a loved one but suing the manufacturer of the surgical instruments. Something ain't right, ya'll."
Your comment reminds of the people wishing to sue a manufacturer of another product misused by the purchaser.
This is a tragedy.
I don't understand how a sexually immature child was in any way encouraged to express this preference. I think there are few 9 year olds who could process this sort of disclosure by a member of their cohort.
Was there a mental health professional involved in the situation to help give some guidance and support for the boy and his family?
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@Margo Some people express feelings without being encouraged.
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@Margo
I agree with Margo. It is hard to comprehend how a child this young could be so sure of his sexual identity, need to declare it publicly, and successfully commit suicide by hanging. I suspect this situation is much more complex than it appears and there are many other factors that contributed to this tragic event.
And it is even more difficult to comprehend how this nation could tolerate the despicable behavior of our
current "president" and allow him to be in the position of role model for our children. Trump voters and enablers: shame on you.
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@Margo Oh, please. Kids have crushes starting at a very young age and adults encourage them (as long as they are heterosexual in nature). This is the norm in our society. A gay kid should have just as much of a right to express himself as a straight kid. You talk about homosexuality as if it's a disease ("few nine year olds...could process this sort of disclosure"). You can continue to blame the victim and his family if that makes you feel better, but the root of the problem is the rampant homophobia in this country.
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So much of American politics and culture seems motivated by fear and hatred of people who are different from some presumed implicit standard of acceptability. The suicide of a nine year old is the tragic evidence of a toxic cruel society for our children.
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We have yet to recognize that bullying in 2018 is qualitatively and quantitatively different from what it was two decades ago. As a child, I was "picked on" (the term often used in the '70s and '80s) at school, but knew that it stopped every day at 3:10 and wouldn't begin again until 8:30 the next morning. And, I got weekends off. Today, children have no escape because they are constantly plugged in. A child who's harassed at school and sleeps with a phone under his pillow is just a few e-inches away from his tormentors, even in sleep. If we cannot find ways to stop those children who, without fully comprehending the gravity of their actions and the consequences those can generate, torture other children, we must find ways to help the children who're being tormented.
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@H.L. Thank you. I, too, was "picked on" as an overweight child in grade school, but the taunting, usually from just 1-2 boys, ended with the school day. There were no physical altercations. While "sticks and stones may break my bones, names will never harm me" didn't do much to alleviate the shame and embarrassment, I never for a moment considered ending my life. What kind of torment are these kids going through where this is the only option? Finally, what are the consequences for the bullies when their victims take their lives? More "thoughts and prayers" or "grow a thicker skin"? Interesting how we only read about the victims but no repercussions on the abusers.
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@H.L. 9 year olds should not have a phone to sleep with under their pillows. Even my grandkids in HS do not have that - parents need to say NO. And schools must stop putting everything on some e-virtual site. Smartphones are not for kids, just ask the parents in silicon valley.
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According to the article, the suicide rate has risen 25% since 1999, corresponding with the tech boom. Correlation does not equal causation, but I wouldn't be surprised if technology and social media played a large part in this. Facebook hit my college (back when you needed a college network to join) in 2004, and spread like a virus. I'm now in my thirties and while not in school anymore, the constant peer-to-peer comparisons social media is fraught with have had negative effects on my self-esteem. I almost wish social media had an age requirement, say, 18, or 21, the same ages you're generally allowed to purchase other addictive (because yes, "likes" are addictive and give you a high, just as no "likes" can give you a low) substances. Facebook, Instagram, etc. like to pretend they foster "community" and "communication" but it is more often the opposite. They should be called anti-social media.
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@Ken
I think that, and the fact that the average kid interacts with almost exclusively those of their own (immature) age, most of the time. After a certain point, parental training can only do so much against twenty kids for eight hours daily telling you that you'll be a loser and outcast if you don't pick on the new kid.
To be young, different, and ostracized is not only heartbreaking, it's deadly. I was there, too, at an young age. I learned to fly beneath the radar and evade detection for the most part. But there were always bullies lurking on the sidelines, watching me closely. More than a few times I heard their comments as I turned a corner or left a room. I never felt I belonged and my social life and development was stunted.
Human cruelty is a fact of life so we need to monitor closely the misery we visit on one another. We must start early, teaching the young that kindness is the greatest good in the world and that cruelty afflicts not only the victim but the victimizer. Empathy, first and last. We can do better if we fully grasp the emotional toll on our most vulnerable citizens.
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I am at a loss for words to this mother and family. But I am so angry that we get upset with schools because they do not stop bullying when we have a President who is a master at bullying anyone and everyone especially via social media. And it social media where many students bully others. Can we not require all social media to demand that comments are civil, respectful. Certainly we can disagree and must at times so we hear all sides of an issue, even as individuals talking among ourselves, but it must be civil, respectful, thoughtful. If we start holding the President accountable for meeting these criteria, maybe others will take note and follow suite. He is trying to muzzle anyone who disagrees with him; let us muzzle him not for his opinion but as a bully. How can a president get away with harassment, bullying, when students are kicked out of school and adults sent to jail for similar behavior.
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@Raelene So Trump has been president for 18 months, the start of school bullying? Your comment is nonsense, and politically charged at a point in time when bullying has been shown to not only cause suicides over the last decade, but also at a time when those bullied have shot up schools! This is not a 'Trump' thing. I'm astounded daily by the reader bias, the thoughtless assessment of anything happening around the globe and the attached anger calling itself the 'resistance' is astoundingly arrogant and far worse than Trump who is one man with minimal power, unless you give it to him.
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@Ma
It's called "Trump Derangement Syndrome" for a reason. They let the guy live free in their heads.
This is so heart breaking and tragic. That this is a growing problem is both shocking and yet perfectly believable. Whose fault is it? Everyone in the USA. It is all of our faults. We have created a cruel society that doesn’t care about people. That a child so young while having a loving family can feel his life is no longer worth living reveals the horror of what we Americans have created.
The things that truly matter are ignored and forgotten in our country. Money and fame, superficial beauty and power are king. Social media makes it possible for all kids to buy into the fame and power concept and they use it to create worse and larger social hierarchies than ever before. There is nowhere to hide. You can see some evidence in how people are portrayed in films and in music. Look at our politics. Look at the rude way people behave online. What we truly care about is out there for everyone to see, plain as day. Being a good person, being kind and decent— these aren’t values Americans seem to care about. It doesn’t matter how many anti-bullying programs schools implement. Nothing will change until what we value changes.
I cannot fathom the grief this mother is feeling, and as a mother myself my heart truly goes out to her. As a country we should be ashamed of who we have let ourselves become.
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What has happened to our country? The rise of hate and evil is left unchecked and young afraid children are either killing themselves or being shot at their desks in school. When will this stop? When will Republican politicians and Republican voters realize that people are worth taking care of? The unparalleled greed, gun rights, hate, and racism must be voted out of office before its too late!
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I doubt we will hear much about this on Fox "News," but there's a strong possibility that the right wing in this country plays a part in this, with their culture of hate, specifically, in this case, against homosexuals. Children learn from the example their parents set and understand when society green-lights bullying against certain groups.
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@Michael
Really? You are exploiting child's death to further your political beliefs?
That is what is wrong in this country! No-one wants to do anything! We all blame a particular party or President.
Mother should have noticed or school should have done more. Let's start with that.
The problem is bullying and not which political party won in the district.
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@Kate
I think the R's have been bullying people for years. Gays, women, children, people of color, immigrants. Half the country hates half of the country because of who they are.... It is bad.
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@Kate
Don't you dare blame the mother who has just lost her child. Don't you dare.
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Rest In Peace Jamel. My condolences to his family. I think back to the '50s in my little Catholic school in Buffalo, New York. You went to class for 8 years with the same kids, an extended family. Before abuse scandals, before the diseases of greed and narcissism destroyed the sense of belonging and community, bullying was much less frequent, and much less vicious. But the real reason for this epidemic is that creativity and diversity have become something to be afraid of in these times, and conformity is a cruel taskmaster.
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@MaxCornise
If you think there was less bullying back in the day it can only be because you weren't one of the ones being bullied. I also grew up in the 50's and 60's and went from K to 12 with basically the same group of approximately 130 kids in my grade. The best day of my life was when I graduated and could finally leave town. Bullying is not new. We just talk about it more than we use to.
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@jim
After posting my reply I realized that I wasn't taking into account the effects of social media and the way that it can magnify bullying and make it even harder to escape. I stand by my contention that there isn't necessarily more bullying today, but I will concede that it is probably more toxic.
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@jim And it occurs 24/7 thanks to social media and constant electronic 'connection'. That is a critical distinction that you fail to recognize.
This is profoundly sad and troubling. Children today are growing up in a very different world than today’s adults did. They’re growing up in a world where they have access to adult content, adult language, and adult insults. So many adults are modeling terrible behavior, including adults on the news (any guess who I might have in mind?) Nine is a scary age. It’s when the world starts to expand and more troubles become apparent. Kids this age are sensitive. They are not equipped to handle these things emotionally. Yet they have smartphones and computers and apps that allow them to be in each other’s faces all the time and the real adults have no idea. So much of this happens in secret. They see each other at school and then they can’t get away from each other because they are always connected. I’m not sure I even knew what suicide was at age 9. Children this boy’s age should be out skating, climbing trees, throwing dirt clods across the yard, and playing soccer. They should be dancing and reading chapter books. They should be fighting over who cheated during tag or kickball if anything. They shouldn’t be bullying each other over sexuality. I don’t know what happened exactly to this little boy but he was in distress and clearly didn’t get the help he needed. I’m sorry the school didn’t help as much as the mother pleaded them to. I wish his family peace.
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@S. Reader I was mercilessly made fun of in middle school 50-odd years ago -- don't fool yourself that this is something new.
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@Rachel Kreier
This. I didn't catch too much flack, but I saw it.
I think it *is* different from a few hundred years ago, in that these days, kids spend more time with their peers than their parents - so nine-year-olds are learning what passes for their social graces from other nine-year-olds. I know my mother told me that (besides much smaller classes), when she was in school (two room schoolhouse - first through I believe fifth, then sixth through however long anybody stayed), the older kids would shut down younger kids picking on others (and the teachers would shut down any older kids who hassled anyone - but they were small enough groups to keep tabs on it, and no electronics, of course).
But seriously - does anyone thing a random fourth grader is a good place to get your socialization from, with no back-up? Some kids are flat vicious, but even when they're not, they have no clue what can hurt, and the long term affects. Other people with the same degree of ignorance are *not* the ones to be teaching them how to act.
I’m so saddened to here a nine year old has so much pain in his life, he decides to end it. My sympathy to his family.
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