Trump and His Very Special Guest

Jul 21, 2018 · 489 comments
Dan Lamey (AZ)
I remember when George W Bush made a joke of looking for the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. A comedy routine, complete with pictures in the Oval Office, for a decision of his that cost thousands of American lives and 100,000 Iraqi lives. At this point we do not know what damage was done and what information was passed during trump’s two hour meeting with Putin. But I do know this, Maureen: it is not a joke
Beth (NC)
Hilarious; just needs to be made into a cartoon and rolled out on "The Simpsons." Can't wait to see it!
Sheldon Bunin (Jackson Heights)
Careful with the announcement of the new American dictatorship. In Russia guns are tightly controlled. In America the citizenry are armed to the teeth with military grade guns.. I suggest also that we do not have a pro Russia military. Every now and then the tree of liberty has to be watered with the blood of patriots and tyrants. That time may be coming soon after a Russian rigged election. e
Howard Beale (La LA, Looney Times)
Lots of collusion intentional; and unintentional which still aided trump. Anyone else notice that the all the stuff put on Wikileaks was only detrimental to democrats and HRC. Zero on republicans or the paragon of virtue, Donald trump. Hmmm, seems suspicious I would say. Wouldn't you? With all the highly justified digging into trump and his administration plus the Mueller investigation, I believe trump has his grammar mixed up again. Which hunt. Is what's on. Not witch hunt.
ReggieM (Florida)
Huddling by the gallows, I suppose if I could try to be breezy about this dark period of history, I’d be able to chuckle at Maureen Dowd’s spin on a Putin visit. Not going to happen. I’m too spent by the daily grind of horrifying news to find humor here. Nor can I continue to join with other commenters in reminding Ms. Dowd about how she got us into this mess, though it is a thought that never fails to cross my mind.
Mary (Chandler AZ)
Do they have to come to AZ?
Bob Jack (Winnemucca, Nv.)
Don't believe Tivo still exists. Otherwise, it's sad that our system is so broken we can't get rid of an obvious traitor, liar and criminal grifter.
MartyP (Seattle)
While the NYT monitors readers' comments for civility, trump's administration has abandoned decency. Shame on us in our civility.
Stephen Holland (Nevada City)
Gee, I wonder what Dowd’s conservative brother thinks of Trump now, after Helsinki?
Sara M (NY)
A romantic ballad to president Putin From the Donald To the lyrics of ‘I’ve got a crush on you’ (with apologies to George and Ira Gershwin) -------------- I’ve got a crush on you Vladimir All the day and nighttime I feel so queer I never had the weeniest whim That I could fall for another him Could you coo, could you care, For an oval office that we could share The world will pardon my mush ‘cause I have got a crush, my Vlady, on you
Thomas Zaslavsky (Binghamton, N.Y.)
It's too bad Ms. Dowd didn't write like this when we needed it instead of reiterating GOP propaganda against Hillary.
Stefan (Boston)
This article is NOT funny! It is true (at least in principle, not necessarily details). It is also tragic, as it shows how stupid American public is to take all this. We should use the only weapon available to all of us: voting. Voting should be obligatory for each and every citizen of voting age. Those who for reasons such as illness or no means to get to voting place, should get help from the local government to be able to vote. There is NO right without corresponding responsibility. Right to vote is linked to responsibility to utilize it sensibly. If you want to vote but there is no candidate you approve, then vote with blank card. Those who do not vote should be fined.
Big Text (Dallas)
If history is written by the winners, it will be written in Russian.
SCZ (Indpls)
Once Trump kicks us in the basement, it'll be the Chinese.
Phyllis Melone (St. Helena, CA)
If the CIA or FBI hsn't bugged the White House including the oval office oval office by now they don't deserve our trust. Trump can make a fool of himself in front of the world, but on home territory his actions and words must stand up to careful scrutiny. We wouldn't be in this predicament if Hillary had won would we Maureen? Your column is amusing but we don't need amusement right now; we need honest revolt!
Robert Rosen (NYC)
The information is accurate but not the style. Trump is incapable of writing coherent paragraphs.
Fabienne Caneaux (Newport Beach, Ca)
I always believed that we had “checks and balances “ until the week after the election when I parsed the structure of the checks and balances and realized that we had none. Checks and balances only work when all parts of our government are committed to them. It is our national compact and it has been cast to the curb. Contracts and commitments are only as good as the soul making the contracts and commitments. Those at the helm of our government have made their contracts and commitments with the devil and are terrified of that devil. Eighteen months after my analysis of the effectiveness of our checks and balances, I have concluded that the Trump administration is a monarchy, of the type and variety, that abhorred our Framers. Everyone is either too blind, too frightened, or too complicit to call this jackal, Trump, and his handler Putin, out. This a national nightmare that is way beyond humor. Try harder, next week M.
PB (Northern UT)
The huge red flag from Trump and the GOP's argument that Trump just wants to make friends our long-time "enemy" Putin and Russia is that Trump did everything he could to insult, pull the rug out from under, and trash our long-time friends and allies in Canada and Europe. Besides the fact that Trump is on the negative side of the graph for kindness, diplomacy, and good will, what leader in this world would be simply thrilled for the U.S. pull out of NATO and greatly weaken Europe? a. Britain and Theresa May b. Canada and Justin Trudeau c. Germany and Angela Merkle d. Russia and Vladimir Putin
Randomonium (Far Out West)
Very clever, Maureen, but considering Trump's unfathomable betrayal, I just don't find this funny. Undermining our intelligence agencies, blaming America and past presidents for our strained relationship with Russia, a "private" two-hour meeting and secret agreements? We cannot simply laugh about this. Our Congress must take action before this gets any worse.
NRoad (Northport)
Wish this weren't so proximate to truth.
Lois Ann Cipriano (New York, NY)
I'm a Ted Kennedy liberal. All the more reason to object to Ms. Dowd's inclusion of Ivanka Trump's children in her piece ("8:30 A.M."). Leave kids out of this. You diminish yourself ... and what remains of our democracy.
Linda Holley (N.C.)
Now is not the time to be writing funny stories about this meeting!
Terry (Chandler, AZ)
The frequency of my disappointments with Ms. Dowd's comums occur with the same regularity of factual comments uttered by 45. I trust today's column is more satire than prophetic.
RealTRUTH (AR)
As thick as the thieves that they are! Trump said he is: "THE MOST MISTREATED PRESIDENT IN HISTORY!!!". I say he is not mistreated at all - he has earned every ounce of animas because he is THE WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY!!! How can this narcissistic sociopath expect any decent American (or decent person from anywhere in the world) to sit back and hear his constant lies, hostility, bullying, misogeny, philandering, economic incompetence, and destruction of our Constitution? He can't, and WE should never give him any credibility - he has proven overland over again that he is the worst thing to happen to this country ever. The people who enable him are either totally gullible or in bed with his crimes (take Nunes et al, Pruitt, Flynn, Cohen, Manaford and the rest of the new, and dirtiest, swamp. Trump is really (yes REALLY) ignorant. If his father had not given him millions, he would be living in a flop house doing drugs and being the same entitled slug that we see. Remember that his "businesses" are a sham, produce nothing of value, are crooked and have failed at a phenomenal rate. He doesn't tell you about that!
kdw (Louisville, KY)
"Special" says the church lady - maybe Satan! Our country is beyond the flash point - we are broke - and it is the point of no return. We are now a Russian territory under Red Rule.
Chico (New Hampshire)
Traitor in Chief.
LS (Maine)
Huh. I wish I could laugh, but it just isn't very funny. Or very well-written.
Debra Petersen (Clinton, Iowa)
Maureen, this is funny in a way, but it sounds too much like Trump's actual unhinged ravings for comfort. I hate to belabor the point that many others have often made (OK, on second thought maybe I don't actually hate to), but your participation in the Hillary hate brigade played it's part in bringing us to the sorry situation we find ourselves in today. And skewering Trump at this point is not going to make up for that.
BMEL47 (Heidelberg)
Article 3, section 3, clause 1 of the U.S. Constitution specifies that the giving of aid and comfort to the enemy is an element in the crime of Treason. An act of war was levied against the United States by Russia. Russia is an enemy, whether or not war is yet declared. Its very obvious. I’m dumbfounded anyone argues otherwise. Lock him up!!
marvinfeldman (Mexico D.F.)
This timetable would be funny, if not for its seriousness. The Times has finally come to the reality of the use of the word Traitor, when describing Trump is true.
John Bassett (Niagara Falls, N.Y.)
Yes yes, Trump's foes continue to win the wry columns and the comedy shows as they have from the start, more singing to the choir and laughing it up -- utterly ineffective and irrelevant when you have an amoral President, GOP, and base of supporters who have either encouraged election fraud or discouraged appropriate inquiries, or merely shrugged and looked away. For all the talk of Democratic optimism in the coming mid-terms and state elections, where is the evidence that voting will be fairly done -- that Putin's boys won't be hacking on Trump's behalf again, that Republican gerrymandering and voter suppression won't sabotage the alternative to this travesty of a government. Since one of the two major parties is fine with cheating, shouldn't we arrange for international observers to oversee our elections, the way that besieged democracies have often done? Or should we simply re-brand our nation as the world's largest banana republic?
Norma (Albuquerque, NM)
@John Bassett I agree. We need election monitors to inspect the voting machines and ensure they aren't tampered with.
Suzannah Walker (NM)
Oh please, don’t give Trump any more ideas!
Ellen Balfour (Long Island)
Clever column. For Americans who remember the Soviet Union and the Cold War, Trump’s embrace of Putin is disconcerting. It is baffling to see Trump’s supporters approve of Trump’s behavior toward Putin. One can imagine a number of reasons why Trump clings to Putin. Trump envies unfettered power. Trump seems beholden to Russia. Trump doesn’t recognize that Putin is using him.
Big Text (Dallas)
@Ellen Balfour It's amazing the ease with which they switch sides, ditto for the Pentagon. This is one time I would support a military coup.
Tony Reardon (California)
I haven't noticed that clever words have any effect with those who consider themselves not only above all laws, but also ethics, morals and shame. What are normal, good Americans to do, when we have lost control of all three branches of Government, with the prospect of that loss being made permanent by gerrymandering and usurping of the proper process for appointing the very Court that is supposed to oversee and correct abuses of the Constitution.
MKKW (Baltimore )
As Trump's behavior becomes more and more satirical, as humor morphs into reality, perhaps this fever that the Republican leadership has been in for 50 odd years will break.
DaveD (Wisconsin)
The US has become an international joke due to its 18th Century electoral system. We are exceptional only in the worst possible way.
Rosie Jones (New Castle UK )
War - bad. Peace - good. Warmongering and cold war - bad. Peace talk - good. If this would have been Obama negotiating you would have celebration parades in the streets. But your hatred for Trump has completely blinded you. We in Europe are happy that there are negotiations. Luckily for us here, even if it comes to a war between you the US and Russia, it won't be fought on our soil, because the Russians have delivery systems that will easily reach your soil directly. So go ahead, be our guest.
Christopher Babick (Chester NJ)
Like millions of Americans I am deeply concerned about our nation and its future under Trump and his administration. However, I appreciate this article. Ya gotta laugh. I especially enjoyed the bare-chested Putin on stage in AZ. Thanks Maureen.
H. G. (Detroit, MI)
Newsflash - Russia is not a super power nor an equal to the United States. Their economy is half the size of California, is dwarfed by Texas and internationally falls between Italy & Spain. The US population is more than twice the size of Russia. But Putin is fantastically rich; he has a fortune greater than Bezos and Gates combined. Putin seems to have taken his small hands, made a big wallet and put the US President inside of it.
David Martin (Paris)
But Crimea basically is Russian. The Russians know this, and they are ready to wait 75 years to negotiate a settlement on this point. What would you be willing to give in return to get back something that already belongs to you ? "The world economy" ? Is that really something good to be connected to ? The West supports the head of the Ruffian mafia, Putin, by telling the Russian people that Crimea isn't Russian.
The Dog (Toronto)
Very funny. But I'm wondering what part of this is supposed to be an exaggeration.
Ann (Bellingham WA)
Don't forget the junket to Mar-A-Lago. Putin will be wined and dined and shown that Donnie Trump's "Winter White House" is by far bigger and cooler than Russia's Winter Palace. And no..none of this is funny.
Kathy Lollock (Santa Rosa, CA)
Ms Dowd, I appreciate your satire. A little wit can help a bit during this time of crisis through which this most corrupt of presidents is submitting you, me, this nation at large. But it is time for us to, as your colleague Frank Bruni recently wrote, couple our justified venting with action. Frankly put, words are cheap...we - you - need to be proactive in changing the course of this ship or ours which is heading toward a figurative Bermuda Triangle. I myself am as guilty as the next person with my relentless verbalizing against the egregious actions not only of Trump but also of the egregious "non-actions" by his cowardly, spineless, and self-serving GOP Congress. So let's you and me make a pact...that from now on we will totally refrain from mentioning Hillary or Bill....that is water under the bridge. Instead let us communicate productive ways in which we can regain our voice again. That is: How can we win this November for the sake of justice, for the sake of our welfare, for the sake of our Democracy?
Norma (Albuquerque, NM)
@Kathy Lollock Step 1. Vote for Democrats at every local and state election.
JH (Phila)
Ms. Dowd, from a big fan of Boris Badenov (world’s greatest nogoodsky) and Natasha, and Moose and Squirrel, thanks for a sidesplitting column. Let’s hope truth does not get much stranger than fiction, but with this administration, you likely only scratched the surface.
RNS (Piedmont Quebec Canada)
I think I'll skip the Washington Summit and the one that follows 4 weeks later. But the one I'll definitely pay attention to is the one held in the Seychelles.
Quandry (LI,NY)
*Our Manchurian President has now been successfully coopted into Putin's world of oligarchical graft, so long as he can walk, chew gum and pay Putin fealty as all of the other surfs do, simultaneously.
ThoughtfulAttorney (Somewhere Nice )
It is sad in a funny way. The midterm elections are as good as gone. The hacking never stopped. The polling companies have been hacked to shreds. No paper tracking. It is all trash and drama Russian style. Hard to read this well written piece by Dowd. Our democracy is in shambles. And it seems no one can fix it.
NashvilleInvestor (Nashville)
Maureen, there's a saying...the dogs bark but the caravan moves on. Keep crying and moaning about your fake Russia scandal which deflecting attention from the very real scandals of a rigged primary and a corrupt FBI trying fix and electiion and later trying to overthrow a legitimately elected government. Whine even more after this midterm where every democratic candidate is going to get a taste of the Hillary medicine.
teach (western mass)
Just one little addition to this delightfully rendered agenda: don't forget the Just Us Boys' Slumber Party in the Lincoln Bedroom!
NNI (Peekskill)
We look forward to Fall. So many fun things to do and so little time. Trump's bromantic soujourn will be our's too! What a wonderful Fall it would be - total surrender to the absolute thug!
Ronald Giteck (Minnesota)
There is nothing funny about any of this. We are in real trouble and to hope for a blue wave is delusional. Trump is the United States. He is who we are. I don’t like it either but my side is a bunch of losers.
charlotte (pt. reyes station)
Will there be a State Dinner or perhaps just another Prayer Breakfast?
Martin (Apopka)
The problem is that absurdity of our so called president has rendered satire and comedy obsolete. So there’s a decent chance that some of Maureen’s “agenda”will come to pass. #PUTINSPUPPET.
Emma Jane (Joshua Tree)
Old (mad) Donald has a 'very special' friend Vlad-Vlad-Vlad and that 'very special' friend is an auth-ori-tar-ian- from the Kre-me-lin Vlad-Vlad-Vlad puts some Putin propaganda here more Putin propaganda there,here a Russian there a Russian everywhere old (mad) Donald is oh surprise! another Russian Old (mad) Donald had a 'very special' friend- Vlad-Vlad-Vlad
Silence Dogood (Texas)
Maureen, now you've hit your stride. Don't ever let go.
Ozma (Oz)
How are we are going to stop it if our votes are hacked? If you don’t think these men are determined to do anything to hold on to their power we are naive. Our votes must be protected. Must. But how?
Kathy (Oxford)
Putin is a thug and Trump is a thug, of course they're going to get along. Each wants unlimited power and will say and do whatever it takes in order to get what they want. Trump is frustrated by our checks and balances and so has bullied a Congress that needs him for their own nefarious ends into acquiescence. None of them know shame. None know honor. They will never accept responsibility for the damage to our country or for not doing their job. Trump supporters like his bullying and that's the real shame. Bullies never succeed, it comes from cowardice, They only make it miserable for all until brought down.
willans (argentina)
TIME has annually produced a front page with a picture of the “Man of the Year” and I am sure Trump figures this is him. TIME I think should not disappoint him. Perhaps a different approach. He should be seen with Putin in a kissing scene with the inscription below saying “Tyrants of the Year”
Tom Clemmons (Oregon)
I don't know if we can teach our troops to goose-step in time for Putin's visit.
mt (Portland OR)
Part of our problem is the same repitition over and over about the horror of the problem, and almost no suggestion of what to do about it other than we are doomed. If you don't have any plan of action other than whining, the majority of comments here are worthless.
MyOwnWoman (MO)
Impeach Trump now! Before we allow Putin to take further control of our country!
ThoughtfulAttorney (Somewhere Nice )
Impeach him on what? We have to wait and hope the truth is revealed. Meanwhile the polls, midterm elections and everything else are being hacked to bits. That is worth being hysterical about, not the impeach him chatter.
pixilated (New York, NY)
"The Federalist Society Chamber Orchestra will perform its Originalist hits." First up, "Channeling the Founders" and then on to the "Pretzel Twisting Waltz" ending with a triumphant "Our Land is His".
JAM (Florida)
You have got to hand it to Maureen; her columns are witty, sarcastic & contain more than a germ of truth. It remains a puzzle why Trump is so enamored of Putin. While Russia is a threat to us in a military sense, it is no threat to us in an economic sense. Russia's GNP is currently around $1.5 trillion; the state of Florida alone has a GNP of just over $1 trillion. So, we need not fear Russia as an economic competitor. We do however need to fear China as both a military & economic foe. China has a GNP of over $12 trillion and is expected to surpass the USA's nearly $20 trillion GNP sometime in the 2020's. So, why are we spending so much time obsessing over Russia & Putin? Even Russian election meddling will be thwarted in 2018 & 2020. We need to turn our attention to China and its goal of removing the United States from its military bases in Asia and reducing the US's influence with our Asian allies. China's near term goal is to get us out of Asia, and its long term goal is to replace us as the world's superpower. Our foreign policy and military strategy must to shaped to counter China's expressed goals.
Carter Nicholas (Charlottesville)
The gilded ball rings prosaically true, but you really had me with Ivanka's Children's Choir. Does that gesture of his have a name, for what strikes him as the most excruciating of his exquisite false points? The thumb-tip forming a loop with the index finger: call it, a "Trump," as opposed to a Pinocchio. The scale's the same; this wins 2.31416 Trumps.
AJ (NJ)
Great Opinion. However, you fogot; spinning around in his Oval Office Chair, like any 6 year old yelling and laughing, "I be am President."
katie (South Carolina)
Maybe he could make arrangements for a fire truck or big rig to be brought in so they could play in the driver's seat with the steering wheel.
Zareen (Earth)
Donald Judas Trump is Putin’s “Apprentice.” And his only assignment is to destroy American democracy. This dimwitted traitor may have failed at every other job in his despicable life, but the demolition of the USA is one thing he’s horrifyingly figured out. God help us if we don’t defeat him thru the ballot box this November because our country’s life literally hangs in the balance.
Occupy Government (Oakland)
We need Donald in a box. But Mueller is building the Kremlin. Hurry Robert. Things ain't getting any better.
Observer (Pa)
Excellent schedule but some of the words and thoughts are too complicated for this best dealmaker "Ever".So a Glossary is needed. And Trump would not know what borscht was even if his face fell into his soup.
Jeff (Chicago, IL)
And they can both enjoy a long, hearty ROTFLOL on that plush Oval Office rug, over the failing NY Times being such a patsy--even bigger than Obama-- to world's biggest ever evil power couple, Vlad and Don (Vladald or Donimir?) with their daily headline focus on Crooked Hillary's emails. Fearless Leader will be very pleased--maybe even almost cracking a half smile for the cameras while posing on the White House front steps, his new vacation home during those brutal Moscow winters. Meanwhile, ever eager to please, President Bullwinkle will be spewing and exhausting his limited vocabulary of "terrific", "incredible", "greatest", "historic" and "tremendous" to describe America's most valuable ally, Russia during this "No Collusion, EVER, Summit".
LL (WA)
You left one item off the Putin visit plan. Donald fluffs up Lincoln bedroom pillows and tucks Vlad into bed. #Who'syourVladdy
Bill Bartelt (Chicago)
I think there is a point when the reality becomes so grotesque and absurd that satire becomes ineffective in the face of it. This column demonstrates that we’ve reached that point.
teach (western mass)
@Bill Bartelt This satire speaks truth to power much more efficiently and succinctly than anything coming from the halls of Congress.
Salye Stein (Durango, CO)
THIS IS NOT FUNNY, MD. DJT is not funny. VP is not funny. Our country is imperiled...and you make jokes?
srwdm (Boston)
Quite a tour de force, Maureen Dowd, as only you could do it. The nefarious Putin, of course, will not and cannot "fix" any midterms. But he will continue to disrupt and undermine what he considers American and Western hegemony after the fall of his beloved Soviet Union.
Eli (RI)
Turns out, Ms. Dowd, straight shooting Hillary Clinton was right. Degenerate Trump is Putin's puppet.
Jim Muncy (& Tessa)
I understand that our political situation is dire and depressing, but it's nice nonetheless to laugh at some gallows humor. Mo, you must have a Ph.D. in creative snark. I enjoyed it. (I'd rather laugh than cry.) Comedians gotta comedy.
Elizabeth k Gordon (Cohoes ny)
satire that name is Dowd
Harry Pearle (Rochester, NY)
@Elizabeth k Gordon Yes, and having Putin come to Washington, just, just, before the Congressional election, is yet another proof that the Russians (and Trump) are trying to influence our elections! Hello, Maureen?
Paul Wertz (Eugene, OR)
When do they discuss Russian loans and the pee tape?
D. Arthur (Phoenix)
It's funny because it's true. And incredibly sad for the same reason.
Robert Hall (NJ)
Emerging Republican defense of Helsinki as expressed by Republican pundits: Trump’s beta male belly flop provoked a reaction from Republicans in Congress that has hardened views on Russia. Therefore Russia was weakened by summit, and Trump is a genius! Comical.
Greg Clemenson (Palo Alto, CA)
We should not be naive about such a visit. The Trump feeds on flattery and conspiracy theories leaves him wide open to manipulation. Don’t be surprised if this does not turnout to be Putin’s golden opportunity for his most effective election intervention. Imagine a new nuclear peace treaty bringing “peace in our time.” Trump is the hero of the world. Of course, there would be no details, just enough to cause confusion and enable Trump to file another claim for the Nobel Peace Prize, energize his base and tip the wavering to his support.
Harry Pearle (Rochester, NY)
@Greg Clemenson You forgot one thing: demonstrations! ----------------------------------------------------------- If Putin actually does come to Washington, there will be huge demonstrations, in the Capitol, and elsewhere around the US. So, Trump, might take some time to take Putin to the demonstrations, so he can greet the people, there. On the other hand, I can't imagine Putin coming to see Trump in Washington, because huge demonstrations would be an embarrassment, that might hurt Republican House elections.
Retired (US)
Some of us understand how the media, dumb faith in the media, dumb faith in power, and dumb faith in popular conceptions can bring down the world. With all of the lying, false characterizations, money-grubbing media frenzy, easy ideas, lack of thinking, etc... many of us are still going strong. We're not sure who the enemy is anymore, and if you claim to know, you are the enemy! The US has gone through a long political evolution from colony to rebels to noble rulers to idealists->war mongers to idealists->willful blindness to world domination to immolation to survivalists. Most citizens are now living in the survival mode. This is a survivalist nation. We don't know of anyone that can be trusted, we're increasingly out for ourselves, but my microcosm has gotten more friendly, accepting, self-aware and generally better. So while the commentators on nations might things are falling apart, those of us peasants believe that humanism is bringing people back together. Whether this translates to national unity or pride or power is a different issue. I'm fine with where we are, and no, despite the constant babble about the evils of Putin (he is running an evil oligarchy), he's not ruling the US or our president. My true belief is that we would have had WWIII already if Hillary were in charge. The Democratic party needs to look at Bernie and his supporters and become that party. That is the only kind of party I will believe in and support with solid effort.
Iron Mike (Houston)
I'm a DT supporter. The article is about nothing. Sure Mueller indicted 12 Russian spies that hacked USA computer systems but I'm sure we have at least 12 spies hacking their computer systems daily! Personally, I believe indicting spies that will not enter the USA is waste of time. It seems it might be better to spend our energy of hardening our computer systems. I would start at the DNC first!
Zejee (Bronx)
But the Republicans voted down all attempts to tighten our election process.
Jane White (Louisville, Kentucky)
TImes are tough and a good laugh with some satire lightens it for a bit. I thought it was funny.
Mark F. Wismer (OAKLAND, CA)
November 6, 2018 would be an excellent choice for the Putin-Trump DC Summit.
PB (Northern UT)
A clever column, written as comedy to disclose a terrible tragedy inflicted on our country by Donald J. Trump--our sleazy, tabloid, deranged president--brought to us by the the Kochs and other big right-wing donors, the GOP, NRA, Fox News, and Putin, who know full well that in America, there is a sucker born every minute, and we are it! Proving to the world: You can fool about 35-40% of Americans all the time Now substitute Obama's name for Trump's in Maureen's account. Imagine what Mitch McConnell and the Republicans would be saying and doing if this were Obama--instead of the GOP's President Trump--having a very illicit and dangerous affair with Russia's Putin. An affair that was full of secretive promises and deals, about which even Obama's top advisors and aides knew nothing but were expected to leap into action to defend their deranged, delusional boss at all costs. Trump is a sick man who is out of contact with reality and out of control. I know longer care what mental illness(es) he may have. I just know Trump is doing untold damage to our country and to our long-time allies. The Republicans (with a few exceptions, most of whom are exiting politics) either do nothing or goad Trump on with their slavish, obsequious support. I don't believe Trump is socially aware enough to realize what he is doing or the consequences of his impulsive actions--nor does he really care. What is the GOP's excuse? Be sure to hold the GOP accountable on Nov. 8!
Robert (Out West)
This'd be a lot funnier if it were less accurate.
Lou (Rural Florida)
Can see you had fun with this one. Nice.
JM (San Francisco, CA)
Thank you Maureen Dowd. It would be humorous if it wasn't so true. Perhaps the only thing left out is the hour where Putin dictates to Trump his next set of marching orders.
Judith R. Birch (Fishkill, New York)
you forgot MaraLargo where surely they will end. There, Vlad can have a luxurious final stay with no accompanying watch; perhaps a few personal favors returned. Putin many, Trump 0. The American people - who?
Diogenes (Florida)
This column might well be history in the making. For Trump, it presents him with an itinerary already written.
luria (san francisco)
MoDo kills. Thank God for political satire.
jonathan (philadelphia)
You left out Vlad checking to see if the bugs he planted in the White House need their nano batteries replaced.
roman (Montreal,Canada)
5:17 P.M. I pull out the Twister mat and I show Vlad who's boss.
Judith (California)
Putin's Puppet, AKA as PP.
Lisa Murphy (Orcas Island)
It is a fine idea to get along with Russia . However, if you have to destroy NATO and dismantle the EU to do it, you are a Russian stooge.
Scrumper (Savannah)
Simply put Putin must have something huge on Trump.
Judy (Canada)
The problem with this column is that after his performance in Helsinki, one can imagine Trump doing most of these things. It is not that far a leap. When will the GOP put country before party and power? Does Trump have to give Putin access to the Situation Room and CIA intelligence to convince them of his smarmy treachery in his adulation of Putin. What does Putin have on him? I hope Mueller lays bare the entire treasonous mess that got Trump into the White House.
Jenny (North Carolina)
I'm not laughing, but crying, because this is plausible.
Molly Healy (Rochester NY)
I'm waiting for someone to leak audio of Putin laughing at Trump for being such a narcissistic patsy. Then, and only then, if Trump doesn't immediately unleash a Twitter tirade against Putin, will we know for sure that Putin has something on Trump.
Elizabeth k Gordon (Cohoes ny)
Putin knows how to handle him
nora m (New England)
Yesterday it was reported that people protesting the detention of migrant children by ICE were confronted by trumpers carrying weapons. I believe this confrontation is exactly what the NRA and GOP have been working towards. Arm the rubes to the teeth, lie to them, rile them up and bingo! The start of a revolution that will allow the Traitor in the WH to announce marital law. Gilead is upon us. Putin could not be happier with the candidate he bought! Now, he gets a night in the Lincoln bedroom, and the GOP are lining up to be invited to tuck him in.
Gaby Franze (Houston TX)
Ms. Dowd, I find it hard to forgive you for putting HRC and President Obama down at any opportunity before the last election. If Ms. Clinton would have been elected (the majority voted for her), she may or may not would have been an effective president with the incredibly hostile GOP in power. We got a taste of that while President Obama was in office. Supporting Trump - and you did - suited you well then, but the mood is changing, perhaps your thoughts are to jump on the last train out of Washington.
John Taylor (New York)
But you see Trump is a Terrestrial Horror. That is now, today and everyday.
srwdm (Boston)
Yes, in the photo look at how Trump crumples and folds in obeisance.
Ginger Walters (Chesapeake, VA)
Hilarious, but also deadly serious. I feel gut punched once again. The thought of entertaining Putin at the WH is a slap in our face, and makes me feel ill. I read that Putin's visit is scheduled just 2 days ahead of the military parade. Haven't seen confirmation, but if it's true, that is indeed an abomination. Military parades for for despots, not U.S. presidents. But no doubt, Trump the traitor will want to show off our military to his BFF. Our country is in serious crisis mode. We are very rapidly losing our democracy on multiple fronts. People better start acting and acting quickly before it's too late.
Concerned Mother (New York Newyork)
Maureen, I've admired you for years. But this line of country is getting thin. You're a terrific writer and social commentator. It's time to stop retreating into sophomoric rants, including ALL CAPS and other juvenilia. We're in the middle of a national crisis. Put your thinking cap on.
Jack Noon (Nova Scotia)
Trump has yet to recognize that he lost the election by three million votes. He loves to cozy up to dictators who don’t care about those little things.
Observer (Mid Atlantic)
You forgot Jared the Mute, he could practice his speech for Russian condo and timeshare investors.
Joe (Florida)
I didn't laugh once Maureen. Not even a chuckle. Your satire is downright scary and too close for comfort for what could be our future thanks to the dictator we have in the Oval Office and everyone who voted for him.
Andrea Rathbone (Flint,Tx)
This is barely satire.
GW (Vancouver, Canada)
Will there be a state dinner where guests will be asked to curtsy and/or bow , to Trump , that is ? I wonder what Kellyanne will wear .
KJ (Tennessee)
Beautiful, Maureen. I assume McConnell will be guiding this tour, since it’s hard to find your way with your nose stuck up someone’s butt. And when it’s all over, Trump will hand Putin a little thank-you … er, farewell gift. Mariia Butina.
Nor Cal Rural (Cobb, California)
Trump serving vodka to Putin? No way! They are both famously teetotalers.
tbs (detroit)
Mo, this ain't no joke! Do a serious op-ed for the good of the country.
kw, nurse (rochester ny)
It would be amusing in another time, another place. Here, it is prescient.
fast marty (nyc)
You trashed Hillary. You trashed "Barry." You got your "brother's" POV in print, and propped up our current "president." You were complicit in getting us into this pickle. And now you edge away from the fray, with thin pieces such as this. You know what? You're like the Fred MacMurray character in "The Caine Mutiny." When the chips are down, after your instigation caused mayhem, you quietly head to the door and refuse to own up to the chaos you helped create. You're nothing, MD. Nothing.
That's what she said (USA)
It's a Lottery not a Democracy. And the man who is "president" is in charge of handing out the tickets. Loyalty almost ensures 10 tickets. Democrats get none. What drives his supporters are the tickets. They have a good chance of winning, so they think. He gives them more. He gives them a Supreme Court Judge and maybe another. But for their personal gain--Zilch. It's an illusion. The Country loses, Democracy loses, People Lose. Only one man wins. And this Country lives with this everyday............
Jim (ME)
Totally implausible. DJT would never have the attention span to formulate this much less execute it
KV (Angels Camp, CA)
Dowd column word of the day: chy·ron /ˈkīrän/ noun plural noun: chyrons an electronically generated caption superimposed on a television or movie screen. Origin 1970s: from Chyron Corporation, its manufacturer.
Amelia (Northern California)
This is pointless and inane. What I notice more than anything else, Maureen, is that much like Trump himself, you like to come up with mocking nicknames--in your case, for Obama, the Clintons and so on. Yet for all your supposed "cleverness" in columns such as this, in which you seek to normalize Trump's reign of idiocy, you don't manage to come up with a nickname for him. Why's that?
Gerry Whaley (Parker, CO)
Trumpty Dumpty........"Commander in What?" A broad and vivid display of disrespectful behavior and actions to America and the World! The foundations of this great institution are on the brink of being tossed into the dump of history only to be replaced by who knows what!
1640s (Philadelphia)
I might otherwise snicker at this but then I think of the author. Ms. Dowd skinned and gutted Hillary Clinton, who was not in Putin's pocket, at every opportunity. And now we're supposed to laugh?
Roober (New York)
@1640s Absolutely. Maureen Dowd's treatment of Clinton was just one more arrow in her side. I hope she is proud of those columns now.
Sherry Wacker (Oakland)
It’s hard to do satire when truth is more outrageous than fictional humor.
PLombard (Ferndale, MI)
Ms. Dowd, do you really think he'd get out of bed to make a 6 am meeting?
Phyllis Cohen (Houston)
Your column is a joke. Had you had even a modicum of objectivity in 2016 and before, we might not be where we are. You trashed Hillary relentlessly for anything you could think of, and mostly nothing. Your “horror” now is pretty hard to take, given that you are one of the causes of the dire predicament in which we find ourselves.
Joan R. (Santa Barbara)
@Phyllis Cohen i really can’t give her that much credit. She ended her credibility during the last election.
kvon (NYC)
@Phyllis Cohen Truer words never spoken.
DaveD (Wisconsin)
@Phyllis Cohen One person is responsible for the Electoral College debacle? Maureen should be so powerful!
Keith (Pittsburgh)
A willful suspension of disbelief is required to compare & contrast the progressive response to Russia & Putin today versus a few years ago. How far we have come from Hillary's reset button, Bill's high-priced Moscow speeches, UraniumOne, Russia's repeated use of natural gas as a weapon against Europe & Ukraine, and Obama's indifference of Russia's 2014 annexation of Crimea. Putin seemingly was a non-issue back in the glory days of Clinton / Obama foreign policy. How is it today that Putin has now become America's top enemy & threat in the eyes of legislators & media who not too long ago all but ignored Russian transgressions? What exactly has Trump ceded to Putin? What have we given to Moscow? Which President reinstated plans for modern missile defenses in Eastern Europe to protect Europe from Putin and Russia? Hint - it wasn't Obama. Obama is the President that suspended plans for modernized missile defenses in Eastern Europe because - wait for it - Putin & Russia objected to them. You folks need a sense of humor, a refresher on history and a dose of critical thinking. Bask in self-congratulatory pithiness all you wish but the facts do not comport with fog that envelops the left. Trump says he has been harder on Russia than Obama and the facts bear that out. With a GDP the size of Texas, Russia is not an economic power to be feared. Their weapons are to be respected. Trump's admonishment to NATO, while poorly delivered, was spot-on correct.
Anna J (Florida)
@Keith You ask what could possibly have created a change in the "progressive response" since previous US presidents tried to create a positive working relationship with Russia? HOW ABOUT PROVEN RUSSIAN MEDDLING IN A US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION? HOW ABOUT RUSSIA ACTUALLY HACKING INTO VOTER REGISTRATION ROLLS? Do you care if America protects American votes and voters from cyber crime and works to hold the cyber criminals responsible? I am not against working towards positive relationships with foreign countries but what if you have proof that a country is working against the freedoms and rights of every citizen of your own country? You really believe you should then go on with the bilateral relationship as if none of that country's crimes matter? That's clearly not an "America First" policy but a "Trump First" policy. You say Russia is not an economic superpower so we don't need to fear anything they do. We should only be cautious and concerned about people/entities that have a lot of money in comparison to our own bank accounts? The criminals that stole the identities of 3 of my neighbors probably are probably not rich but they sure devastated the lives of their victims. Where is the critical thinking you speak of in conveniently leaving out the your comment? Cyber crimes are real and should not be rewarded. I can only assume you are giving Russia a pass because you want to allow their cyber crimes to continue... for the benefit of President Trump.
Paul Yates (Vancouver Canada)
Hilarious, and unfortunately, given the chance, a big chunk of truth. I am losing my mind and curling into a permanent fetal position, where Before Trump I used to pole vault (false news). Nowadays I just weep...
New World (NYC)
Guys, Putin will be transporting hundreds of millions of dollars in his luggage. Putin will bribe a select group of politicians and rig our election. That’s what he does, both in Russia and every ex Soviet satellite country. It’s not funny
FunkyIrishman (member of the resistance)
You forgot the part where this President shows his Russian puppet master, errrr counterpart the Situation Room with all of its fancy gadgets. You think this is out of the realm of possibility ? - naive
Jay Ess (New York)
always nice to hear the voice of many say so little.....
David G. (Monroe, NY)
Maureen, I’d say the schedule you outlined here is pretty close to how events will actually unfold. You forgot to include time for ‘Shark Tank,’ though.
ACA (Providence, RI)
At least now we know why the Russians were so eager to help him win the election. The only question is whether it is because they have something on him or because he is a narcissistic moron ("useful idiot") who is easily manipulated. Fascinating to watch the US intelligence community pretty much trying to declare Trump an irrelevance at best and a security threat at worst.
Bob812 (Reston, Va.)
Tried my best to generate even a smile at your column today Ms. Dowd, but maybe the last 2 1/2 years of dealing with this degenerate person that leads, (cancel that), thats virtually destroying this democracy has just worn me down. Complicated by the hoards that, despite his performance to date, still cheer and attempt to justify their support with irrational opinions. Leaves nothing to smile about regardless how you word it. Return to your attack mode Ms. Dowd, mean and dirty, now that would feel much better.
Bernardo Izaguirre MD (San Juan , Puerto Rico )
At the end of the day , let us say 11:45 PM , people in white coats will come and put me in a straitjacket . That way the bad dream for the American people will end . MAGA .
Thomas (Washington DC)
Update: With thousands of protesters in the streets the tour of DC is cancelled.
Mike Colllins (Texas)
The actual words Trump uses, and the actual things he and his administration do are such a parody of what a normal president & administration would do that Ms. Dowd's attempted parody makes him & his enablers sound insufficiently demented.. To do the madness of our current moment justice, you need a writer like William Burroughs describing a man being taken over by his own--ahem--eliminator of fecal matter (which for fun the man has taught to talk). You need a writer like Burroughs to show that it is America that has been taken over by its eliminator of fecal matter, while the rational part of the country suffers the fate of the man in Burroughs's story: he loses the ability to speak and his brain becomes superfluous and dies.
Michael Tyndall (SF)
Let's imagine an alternate reality. Mueller declines to interview Trump. He's already got more than enough evidence for indictment on three counts. Count 1 - Obstruction of justice regarding investigating the worst Russian intelligence attack on our country. Count 2 - Conspiracy to work with Russia to subvert our election, and Count 3 - Campaign finance violations. Mueller declines to indict Trump but releases a full report by Sept 1st with fine grained detail backing all allegations. These include Trump's own words to Russian diplomats, FBI director Comey, and Lester Holt; Trump's knowledge of Russian interference based on a detailed briefing 2 weeks before his inauguration; and information from multiple WH staff corroborating his intent to shut down the investigation. Mueller does indict Paul Manafort and Trump Jr (Trump Tower meeting) and Roger Stone (GRU and Wikileaks connections) for conspiracy to work with Russians on behalf of the Trump campaign. National intelligence means, Flynn and others corroborate that the president knew of all meetings. In exchange for guilty pleas, Michael Cohen and David Pecker agree to testify to conspiring with Trump to illegally spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on behalf of his campaign for payments to at least two Trump mistresses. Congress convinces Trump to resign and Mike Pence assumes the presidency. He pardons everyone but loses both houses of congress. Putin gets severely sanctioned until he stops all election meddling.
David (DC)
When do they cuddle up in bed and eat Big Macs?
O (Montclair, NJ)
How dare you insult our glorious leader. He is the finest, most tasty bit of leader we have ever had. He is our delicious slice of chocolate cake. So when you insult him, you are insulting us all. Celebrate him! He is our grand master, in a beautiful orchestra.
Nurse Jacki (Ct.,usa)
Maureen thanks for the chuckle. Treason is so funny.especially when the other two co equal branches of government blind eye our demise. “god bless america ; land that i love. stand beside her and guide her through the night with a light from above........... god bless america my home ,sweet home.”
J. T. Stasiak (Chicago, IL)
Ms. Dowd: We don’t need any more Trump puff pieces. Please write about something else for a change.
Robert (Jersey City)
That was actually good.
Paul Ferreira (New York, NY)
The joke is on us because this itinerary reads pretty much spot on... "/
Portola (Bethesda)
What more can be said? Hope Bolton, the Trump administration's own neoconservative, gets a corsage for his "date" with Putin.
GreaterMetropolitanArea (just far enough from the big city)
Would he defect to Russia rather than go to jail? Is that what this is about?
William Alan Shirley (Richmond, California)
Putin could, as his ambassador before him in the oval office, simply disseminate a hundred transmitters from his pocket that would appear as a tiny bit of lint. Vacuuming over them would still leave many behind; allowing the Russians to pick up conversations better than ever. And in the situation room as well. This technology has been extant and used since the eighties.
David Andrew Henry (Chicxulub Puerto Yucatan Mexico)
The madness of King Donald: thanks for this light hearted analysis. I will print it and hand deliver it to my friends from Texas. They will not be amused. Some ideas for the future. Putin must see: The Madness of King George The President's Brain is Missing (Spitting image) One Hour of FOX's long legged ladies doing propaganda...and the buffoon at six pm. Mr T can provide running commentary. Thank you David Andrew Henry ancient Canadian PS Does Russian TV have long legged ladies and a buffoon?
Jojojo (Nevada)
Bravo, Maureen. That's why I told my niece to read you.
ASV (MV)
Yeltsin was an American stooge who coordinated the dissolution of the Soviet Union, which Putin was a direct witness to. tRump’s his long sought after payback. Mission Dissaccomplished!
kglen (Philadelphia Pa)
And what does Kevin think now? Does he find this as wickedly amusing as you do? Or is he still cheering him on?
Eileen McPeake (California)
Given Maureen's unrelenting criticism of Hillary I find it hard to stomach her complaints - however deserved - about Trump.
Paul Smith (Austin, TX)
@Eileen McPeake Agreed!
Michael Dowd (Venice, Florida)
Sour grapes!! The real losers are the Democrats who don't know how to find a good Presidential candidate or for what reason any of them should be elected.
The 1% (Covina California)
Hillary won the election by 2.8 million votes. The only and I mean only reason she isn’t president is that the rules nullify the majority. Not so in other countries including ones that until recently were ruled by tyrants and fascists! Think long and hard about karma my friend.
Sandy (nj)
Putinization of the White House while America watches helplessly! Crooked Trump is timing it before November and saner minds should fiercely resist.
Anna (Germany)
Are you still happy for endorsing him. At least you got your tax reduction and some brutal freezing judges.
jefffrye (NYC)
it's time to retire, honey. this is as lame.
Barteke (Amsterdam)
Reality is so absurd these days that is has become almost impossible to distinguish between what’s real and what’s satire. Maureen’s piece in fact didn’t make me laugh but made me feel sad.
jamistrot (colorado)
Gorbachev was mobbed in NYC when he surprised ordinary New Yorkers by exiting his limo and greeting them warmly. But, aside from a few Trump cultist, the same warm reception will not be awaiting Putin. In fact I suspected the American single-digit salutes will be prevalent from the first sightings of the incoming Russian and Air Force One airplanes. While this might strike many as rude and undignified behavior, others will argue it's a simple digital reminder that Americans will not continue to tolerate this jerks' abuse and attacks on our First Amendment rights to speak truth to power; be it in print, hand gestures, or other medium.
David (Hawaii)
This sort of treatment normalizes Trump. Sorry, Maureen, stop messing with his hair.
Rick Ficcorelli (Detroit)
Who leaked this schedule? Someone’s in trouble.
Atikin ( Citizen)
How can anyone overlook the comely, enticing Melania? Born to communist parents in a communist country, she is the perfect "sleeper" plant, working silently for decades to snag a big o e and influence him through pillow talk. That little redhead from Russia was stupid -- she got herself caught! Who cares, indeed.
Opinionated (West Lebanon, NH)
Interesting to know that Melania's father was a member of the communist party in Slovenia. During communist rule when times were lean for most Slovenians ,he had a collection of Mercedes as well as a Maserati. Hmm? Communist/Russian sympathies?
Emma Jane (Joshua Tree)
Check out Melania at her 1st state dinner as 'First' Lady. She's on film chatting away more 'animatedly' with 'Putin' than anybody else ever. Lucky us 'First' "Sleeper" PLANT.
BBB (Australia)
Nice try. What really happens is that Trump lied to Putin about his Russian studies, still struggles with upgrading his English to the next grade, 6th. Nothing to talk about at the airport meet and greet since the translater was fired, but that’s ok. Teressa May invokes the extradition treaty and Putin never makes it to Baggage.
mikeo26 (Albany, NY)
Maureen Dowd's extremely clever imagining of what will happen when Putin becomes a guest of Trump this Fall comes across as brilliant satire : so brilliant it's too close for comfort. I couldn't get myself to laugh once.
loveman0 (sf)
Reading these comments, one might think Trump has done something wrong, when just today we learned that he has done nothing wrong, and this from Trump himself ..."I have done nothing wrong" and about a tape he had his lawyer make denying an extramarital affair that he didn't have for a year, but he paid the woman off anyway, i guess so that she wouldn't steal any publicity from him, especially since she's likable while he's not--if he tried hard to be a misanthrope idiot as president, he couldn't do any better than what we see--even baby snatching. And that may be by design. If some are seeing a tragicomedy here, maybe that's what the deplorables who voted for Trump (they like the term) saw in the first place. Giving up on what they saw as Repub/Dems government, they saw the potential for grand comedy entertainment by moving a bumbling misanthrope into the WH, and half the world's governments have played along including chieftains from AT&T and other corporations (they have no liability in his, or their, misdeeds--that's what "corporation" means, limited liability, so why not see what they can get away with and stick somebody else with the bill, which now includes a dying planet that they all know about including Trump. You might say that's the real tragedy here. I would also take the NRA collusion seriously. Did we already have an NRA dictatorship and the Russians saw they could take over through them, or are they trying to establish a dictatorship through the NRA?
Anthony Adverse (Chicago)
Be drowned like a puppy! You're useless; but more than anything else, frivolous, like beer foam or elevator music played backwards.
ChrisDavis070 (Stateside)
Be aware of a possible head fake in Putin's putative visit to "Washington." He might go instead to Mar-a-Lago to avoid protest demonstrations.
Zeek (Ct)
The Lignocaine on Republican's brain is the excellent GDP and further room for stocks to rise. If the debt markets unravel, perhaps then your up tempo take on Putin and Trump could well lead to even more interesting things for the press to unpack.
wp-spectator (Portland, OR)
How many Republican candidates will turn out to greet Putin? Awaiting October pre-election surprises and drama.
Fabienne Caneaux (Newport Beach, California)
You are not funny and it is way past the time to soothe each other with humor. Our government is being controlled by Russia through their long groomed asset, Comrade Trump. The Russian propaganda machine controls trump’s base and the Russian controlled NRA controls the Republican Congress. We are way past the comfort of humor. Since the election, Trump has been on cruise control by Vlad, the bare chested lad. By the G 7, Vlad was revving the engine. Vlad was red lining his asset at NATO. By Helsinki, the asset was getting a wash and shine, Russian style. I always believed that we had “checks and balances “ until the week after the election when I parsed the structure of the checks and balances and realized that we had none. Checks and balances only work when all parts of our government are committed to them. It is our national compact and it has been cast to the curb. Contracts and commitments are only as good as the soul making the contracts and commitments. Those at the helm of our government have made their contracts and commitments with the devil and are terrified of that devil. Eighteen months after my analysis of the effectiveness of our checks and balances, I have concluded that the Trump administration is a monarchy, of the type and variety, that abhorred our Framers. Everyone is either too blind, too frightened, or too complicit to call this jackal, Trump, and his handler Putin, out. This a national nightmare that is way beyond humor. Try harder, next week M.
Larry (Washington, Dc)
Sadly, Ms. Dowd is trying hyperbole and satire but none of her predictions for Putin and Trump would surprise me.
JB (Mo)
Putin has to show, he's the grand Marshall of the parade!
Ladyrantsalot (Evanston)
Ms. Dowd, this is what you wrote on Nov. 5, 2016, 3 days before the election of Donald Trump. Your final statement regarding the two candidates before the voting started: "The problem with Donald Trump is: We don’t know which of the characters he has created he would bring to the Oval Office. The trouble with Hillary Clinton is: We do know. Nobody gets less paranoid in the White House." For months (years really) you painted Hillary Clinton as a monster, a Nixon, a [w]itch, and a money-grubbing liar. In contrast, you gave Donald Trump an enormous, morally inexplicable pass. Occasionally you might chirp negative things about him, but not in the lacerating, eviscerating, relentlessly dismissive tone you used on Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Please don't pretend that you are one of the millions of Americans--in both parties--who anticipated the horror of a Donald Trump presidency. Politically, you share a lot more with your brother Kevin than you have the conscience to recognize. Why do you keep pretending you have nothing to do with this?
mikeo26 (Albany, NY)
@Ladyrantsalot : Maureen's way with words can be devastatingly on target but she managed, in her skewering of Hillary Clinton, while passively/aggressively buddying up to Trump, to be incredibly wrong-headed. Whatever baggage Hillary carried into the campaign paled in comparison to Trump's past legacy, and in regard to comportment, Hillary was a voice of reason amid the shenanigans Trump was pulling daily in his run for the presidency. I have no doubt that Ms. Dowd's constant badgering of Clinton contributed to Trump getting elected.
LVG (Atlanta)
The only thing that will stop this train wreck of a presidency is an indictment of Trump at both the state and federal level. If indicting Trump on treason and lying to an FBI agent (Comey) is not high crimes and misdemeanors, this country is finished.
Leigh (Qc)
Ms Dowd nicely captures the shockingly naive, totally clueless character of the president but if he ever showed himself to be as focussed and articulate as depicted here his 'base' would already be looking around for a more relatable champion.
Jay Orchard (Miami Beach)
You forgot to schedule some nap time for Putin (during which he can install up to date listening devices).
The Nattering Nabob (Hoosier Heartland)
Sad but true.
Ron Landers (Dallas Texas)
There is nothing funny about the impending implosion in this country, Ms. Dowd. Perhaps if people such as yourself and the MSM had really paid close attention to the presidential election of 2016 we would not be on the precipice of a catastrophe. But you, so many others at your so-called newspaper of record, CNN, MSBC, the Washington Post, persisted in promulgating a false moral equivalency between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. No small wonder we were easy pickings for Vlad and his cyber-henchmen. Your snark flowed in print and over the airwaves as the Russians went for the American jugular. You said in a previous column that HRC left people cold. Our tendency to view the presidency as "who I would like to share a beer with" or "I need someone who makes me feel all warm and fuzzy" gave us the disastrous administration of George W. Bush. Those who learn nothing from history are doomed to repeat it. We did not and we are. But this time, our failure to select the competent, highly intelligent, sane candidate may cost us our democracy itself. So instead of indulging in pointless satire, we had better pray that there is a way out of this nightmare. HRC was right: they were not going to let her be president. What will be the ultimate cost for that folly?
judgeroybean (ohio)
12:15 A.M. Fly Air Force One to Columbus Ohio, to catch Stormy Daniels midnight show at Gentleman Joe's Cabaret. Stormy promised to spank Vladimir and me with the new Time Magazine that has my picture morphing into Putin's on the cover! Naughty, but nice!! I had to leave Pence out of this one! 8:00 A.M. Meet Mike Pence and Maria Butina at the first annual N.R.A. Prayer Breakfast at Trump International Hotel. My religious buddies Franklin Graham, Bob Jeffries and Jerry Falwell, Jr., want to present Putin with an award for smiting the LGBT Philistines in the Motherland.
tylertoo (Los Angeles)
The petulant toddler (Trump) experiencing his terrible twos and his autocratic and abusive father (Putin) dangling him like a puppet on a string. When will the real adults in the room, Mueller, Rosenstein, Wray, and Coates come to the rescue and in the immortal words of Oliver Cromwell say to Trump..."you have been here too long for any good you might have ever done, I say in the name of God JUST GO and let us be done with you".
deborah m (san francisco)
HA ha... a little late to the party .
jocko (alaska)
Mo....it's been way too long since you've written a column this good. I'm just sorry it took Trump to resurrect the best efforts.
Karen Cormac-Jones (Neverland)
Maureen - You definitely have some insight into the mind (?) of our Great One. Also - "8:05 A.M.: Tour several sites of children in cages, with positive comments by DHS Secretary Kirstjen Njielsen. Neat experiment underway to see how big they can grow over the years while occupying their original cage."
Tears For USA (SF)
Where is Rocky and Bullwinkle when you need them?
coale johnson (5000 horseshoe meadow road)
not funny.
Mary c. Schuhl (Schwenksville, PA)
That’ll be the day when trump works from 6 a.m. until 11:30 p.m. I know it was a “fantasy” piece, Maureen, but have you met him? He appears to have about a 2 hour max attention span. And, thank god for that!
richard wiesner (oregon)
Sounds like The President has a, "beautiful-tremendous-very best-outstanding," day planned for Vlad. Aren't you wondering what is happening between 8:30pm and 11:30pm? You know a couple of real guys with three hours to kill, a jumbo jet and the launch codes for both countries could have some real fun. Getting' their missiles prep and ready. Comparing the size of their missiles. Then kaboom the missiles erupt from their silos with explosive eruptions. Mein Fuhrer, I can walk. RAW
Susan Settlemyre Williams (Richmond, VA)
Oh, but you left out the raison d'etre for the visit: The Oval Office is surely the most appropriate place for Trump to surrender his sword and hand over the keys to the White House!
WDG (Madison, Ct)
For the 1st time today on cable news, I actually heard a talking head--Tony Schwartz--suggest that Trump might suspend the midterm elections. When I mentioned this to my friends, their reaction was: "How could Trump do that?!" My response: "After watching the treasonous Helsinki Summit and our supine Congress's pathetic response, who's going to stop him?" So Maureen, while I envy your knack for biting sarcasm, perhaps it's time to get serious about the threat that Benedict Donald poses to our country. Our traitor/liar/charlatan-in-chief does not intend to go to jail for the rest of his life without putting up a fight. It's clear that he hates American democracy and everything that you and your journalistic colleagues stand for. Going forward, I hope you'll prepare your readers for the terrible chaos that's on the horizon. Make no mistake. This is going to get ugly and bloody. And soon.
Marc Castle (New York)
Sorry Maureen, but until you make a formal public apology to all of the readers of the NY Times, for your inane, idiotic, snarky commentaries during the 2016 campaign, maligning Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama, while displaying a junior high crush on Donald Trump, your columns ring hollow, and this current one, in particular, is very unfunny. The situation we're facing is dangerous. and it may not be solved. The Republicans have carjacked the country, and have had, via help from Putin's Russia, installed the anti-Christ, Donald Trump in the White House. It's going to need, not just a blue wave, but a blue tsunami, this fall, to be rid of the subhuman abomination, Donald Trump.
Anna (Germany)
She still enjoys the tax cuts and judges for the rich only are so great.
Phillip Usher (California)
Trump is dying to get Putin on the military parade reviewing stand. Of course, as in Helsinki, Putin will be laughing up his sleeve at the pathetic display that will be a mere shadow of the extravaganza he puts on each year in Red Square. But he may finally lose it when he sees the torn up asphalt on Pennsylvania Avenue.
Herman Krieger (Eugene, Oregon)
I think it's Trump who is being taken for a ride by Putin.
Robert B. (New Mexico)
@Herman Krieger It's like "Speed," in which the bus must go at least 50 mph or it explodes. Except that Dennis Hopper was a lot more sane than Trump.
Mae (NYC)
Best yet Maureen, keep it coming.
Joanna Stasia (NYC)
I understand this op-ed was supposed to be dark humor/satire. Oddly, I can't do that any more. I can't laugh at the absurdity. This never-ending whirling Trump cesspool is wearing me down. This week was so toxic, so depraved, so foreboding. I pray Mueller is finishing up soon. It is a race against a time bomb. We have to stop this narcissistic corrupt ignoramus before he irrevocably screws up this country for a generation or more. He capitulated our honor to Putin for all the world to see. He then lied about what he meant and what he said. And the GOP is devoid of anyone with the courage to match their pitifully tiny conscience and go beyond the five-second-patriot sound bite saying that the "President didn't do so well, but I still support him." Putin is a tyrant, a mass murderer (shot down a commercial passenger airplane) a dictator, a kleptocrat and the antithesis of an ally. He has no business setting foot on our soil. That Trump is so deviant and so clueless about how to behave in this situation is white-knuckle frightening. What in the name of God is fueling Trump's obsequious obsession with Putin, and why is he elevating him above all other heads of state? Trump denigrates the leaders of our closest NATO allies but praises this monster! The popular hypothesis is that Putin has some mysterious leverage on Trump. My fear is worse: that Trump considers Putin the model he aspires to as a statesman and soon he'll be tweeting about repealing the 22nd amendment.
Anna (Germany)
You are right. This isn't funny. Only People who endorsed him can laugh about it.
Phyliss Dalmatian (Wichita, Kansas)
12:00 Midnight, the bewitching hour. Kiss the prince, he may revert to a toad. Which Prince ??? Does it matter ?? Seriously.
Charles (Lower East Side)
Maureen, This is very funny, congratulations! What is your brother's take on this? We are all waiting with bated breath.
Jim (Columbia, MO)
You can be happy knowing that your strangely angry and vengeful columns on Hillary and "Barry" contributed to this situation. ENJOY!
D. Ben Moshe (Sacramento)
This might be funny if the stakes of having a compromised president were not so high. Time to get serious, Ms Dowd. Sadly, you squandered your opportunity before we got into this predictable mess in 2016.
Sofedup (San Francisco, CA)
It’s so easy to parody trump’s actions except it’s really not funny. Believe me, I wish I could laugh but he’s flushing our country down a toilet and I can only weep because there are so many people who support trump and his thugs. This tragedy just gets worse and worse.
dmaurici (Hawaii and beyond)
Trump doesn’t draw up complex agendas any more than he prepares for state meetings, or any other meeting of consequence. Trump agenda: Monday call Fox and Friends Tuesday call Javana Wednesday call cabinet meeting Thursday hold cabinet meeting Friday get on AF 1 Saturday play golf Sunday play golf
KH (CA)
Ms. Dowd: You need to read the President's daily schedule. He usually arrives to the Oval Office late in the morning, has an intelligence briefing at 11:15 am, personal time and lunch, the Press-Secretary starts at about 2;30 pm and then more personal time. He heads back to the living quarters for the night around 5 pm at the latest. The schedule for April 13th is a great example of a "very busy day" for our elected president. Don't forget those weekend golf trips, too. President Trump will not be meeting with Mr. Putin at 6 am.
Miriam Chua (Long Island)
Apples and oranges. Cuba and Iran did not invade sovereign nations (Ukraine & Georgia) and seize territory. Cuba & Iran did not bomb hospitals at the behest of a monster dictator (Syria). Any more lame comparisons to offer?
William Leptomane (Rock Ridge)
Nice one Mo but it doesn’t undo your de facto endorsement of the orange plague. I wonder if Trump has figured out the Puterino recorded every sniveling word he uttered in Helsinki ?
Pam (Santa Fe, NM)
Oh, so many games that Trump, the man-child, can play with Putin. This time he'll show the American people, and Putin, how strong he is. The way he, and if Putin will walk with him, will be saluted as they pass a person in a United States uniform. Congress can be convened and the loyal Republicans, the sycophants, will stand in honor of these best friends walking into the room. At the desk where he sits to sign proclamations, and for Putin, he'll sign one with his big signature. Big, as in his "big" everythings. (He smirks; at least he's bigger.. in space, than his new best friend.) And then with a U.S.A. map in hand he points to Putin where the children separated from their immigrant parents are...maybe. They'll go play with the tweet machine. (He doesn't know what else it does.) He shows Putin the black box and the important button he can push. (He gets a little excited) He'll show Putin how he plays his best game to tease his loyalists/(those patsy's) -the game of "make them think I've done something great". When there is no evidence it exists,...Trump goes to a different version of the game. He is joyous, Everyone is paying attention to Him and the new game. Bragging to Putin "I'm the best president!"; he has hood-winked them....the whole American public. He tells Putin..."What a fun game it is to play "Chaos". You've always been ready to interrupt American ideals of life, and you've given me lots of ideas how to do it Myself!". Thank you.
Larry Figdill (Charlottesville)
Yes, make fun of a deeply serious situation Ms Dowd. And reflect on the fact that you helped him get elected, and take some responsibilitly for it. To you Hillary Clinton was so awful and Trump so interesting.
John Smithson (California)
You're trying too hard, Maureen, so you're not funny. Donald Trump instinctively knows more than most -- certainly more than you -- about how to do deals with difficult people. Dealing with Vladimir Putin is tough, as Barack Obama, Hillary Rodham, and George W. Bush will tell you. Of course one meeting will not suffice. The more, the better. As Moshe Dayan said, "If you want peace, you don't talk with your friends. You talk with your enemies." And Mario Puzo's fictional character said, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." While critics rail and rage about Donald Trump's "treason" (treason? are you joking? no, you're serious? really?), he moves ahead without even a tap on the brakes. No one even seems to care that he took the big step of agreeing to extend the New START treaty. That's big news, but gets no mention. Donald Trump is certainly shaking up Washington DC. And boy, did it need shaking up. Too bad Maureen Dowd misses the important and quibbles about the trivial. Sad.
Robert B. (New Mexico)
@John Smithson George W. Bush thought it was cute to call him "Pooty-poot." Can you imagine what Putin thought of that? A nation run by imbeciles.
poodlefree (Seattle)
Menu from Trump's newest hotel, "The Gulag at the White House" Molotov Vodka Cocktail (Stolichnaya) Cabbage Salad with Russian Dressing Borscht Raw Potato Baked Siberian Husky Cabbage Pie with Novichok Drizzle
Aaron (Orange County, CA)
This would be funnier if it wasn't so close to the truth!
Big Electric Cat (Planet Earth)
Come on, Maureen. Do you really think he knows what the word “agitprop” means?
jwgibbs (Cleveland, O)
Sorry. There is nothing funny anymore about this reality show originating from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Nothing!
Amy Taub (Illinois)
Maybe if you hadn’t torn apart Hillary every chance you got, he wouldn’t be the president. She would have been infinitely better than him, and that is the understatement of the century.
JRGuzman (Puerto Rico)
It sure does seem Ms. Dowd misses President Obama a lot. Who would not when faced with a narcissistic and treasonous money launderer as our current president? A con man for the ages, Trump represents the perils of a bigoted and ignorant electorate, easy prey for demagogues and con men. And Russian propaganda. If you are fed up and disgusted, just take the appropriate measure...get out and vote wisely. It is time to fight back and restore decency in America again.
Deb (Blue Ridge Mtns.)
I wish I could find some humor in this piece Ms. Dowd. Unfortunately, there is nothing, nothing at all remotely funny about this joker on the world stage, yukking it up with a murderer and giving a middle finger salute to every veteran and active duty federal personnel who put their lives on the line to defend us from Putinesque thugs who seem to be proliferating the world over. The only thing on the itinerary that might prove amusing would be an unexpected trip to Putin's stylist, whereupon Putin insists his tyrant in training protege look the part and forcefully gets his head shaved.
Alan (Hawaii)
1:45 P.M. Stop by at puppet store to replace leg strings so kneeling goes smoothly, give Vlad chance to Trade Tips with Puppetmaster.
C Rizzo (Grand Cayman )
Cmon Maureen—- You can do better than this. If it was supposed to be funny it’s not.
Rw (Canada)
Trump is going to spend his days obsessing over every detail of Vladdy's sleepover. He's likely already having the same gleeful, tingly goosebumps his beauty pageant days provided him. No (taxpayer) expense, no pomp will be spared so that Trump can showcase his big coup (no other president could have done it, you know!). Should Vlad address Congress? Should Vlad bring with him his power base of orthodox christians to meet & greet trump's power base of white evangelical christians. A vigil for Mariia Butina outside her jail cell: now that would make great tv, Hannity on the ground, and just think of the campaign funds we could pull in while solidifying Putin's righteousness with the base. Yes, what fun trump and putin are going to have setting this up. But it may all be for naught: Putin and his people just might all die of laughter long before the play date. And I'm praying Mueller is able to "showcase the coup", long before Vladdy orders his serfs to pack his bags.
Wendell Murray (Kennett Square PA USA)
Robert Shrimsley at the Financial Times is a better satirist, I am sorry to note, but this is Ms. Dowd's one true skill, satire.
AnnaK (Miami, Fl)
It was so funny to read this and now I get depressed. Just look at Putin's face! Trump was played by him, next meeting will start with kissing the ring. Makes me nauseous. I am missing Obamas so much.
cagy (Palm Springs, CA)
Maureen got one thing spot on- I've said since I heard the news, that donnie would probably invite Putin to coincide with his planned military parade- (it won't impress him); they'd probably be better off getting better vodka at the Russia House or Mari Vanna, than cheap trump hotel vodka. But no doubt donnie will give away state secrets. I doubt Putin would waste time at one of donnie's pathetic rallies or talking to hannity; and the situation room- been there - big yawn, vlad wouldn't be impressed. He'll get all he needs from dumb donnie- launch codes, secrets, I've said it all along this past week's summit was a surrender not a summit. mat' rossiya navsegda
Blue (St Petersburg FL)
Maureen’s day 9am wake up and celebrate that Hillary didn’t get elected 12pm-2pm have lunch with conservative friends sharing toasts that Hillary lost 2pm-5pm work on next op-ed and try and find ways to insult Hillary 5pm-10pm relax, have dinner and boast about helping beat Hillary 10pm-9am sleep, and have dreams about bad things happening to Hillary
Rodrian Roadeye (Pottsville,PA)
You have missed your calling Maureen. Must be nice to know that you have back up talent to fall back on should you get caught murdering someone or poisoning them on a New York City sidewalk unlike two who can get off scot-free. The phrase scot free was first used in reference to municipal tax levies. Each person in a town would be obligated to pay a share of the scot (tax), which was called their “lot”. ... Thus, initially, the term more or less just implied you got out of paying your taxes. Which both Trump and Vlad may have done. I haven't seen Vlad's returns either. I'm sure you would post yours if you decided to run. wink wink
A disheartened GOPer (Cohasset, MA)
Everyone -- commentators, comedians, all of us -- have to stop making light of the situation. It's time to stop making jokes. It should be clear by now that Donald Trump is a traitor who represents the most serious threat to our nation in its entire history. The meeting with Putin was one-on-one for obvious reasons -- so Trump can divulge classified information in exchange for Putin's silence. We have a President who is being blackmailed and who is putting our entire nation at risk. That meeting in Helsinki was the equivalent of Pearl Harbor -- would Ms. Dowd have made jokes about that? Kelly, Dunford, Mattis -- it's up to you to save the country -- and if you fail to do so, you too are complicit. The oaths of office you have taken throughout your careers are on behalf of the country, not the Presidency, and certainly not on behalf of a President whose actions are treasonous. Hopefully, someone is bugging Trump's every word so we can end this existential threat to our nation as we know it.
Cary Fleisher (San Francisco)
And the whole time he will be trying to avoid this funny feeling he's doing exactly what Vlad wants him to do...
John Grillo (Edgewater,MD)
Ah Ms. Dowd, Lorne Michael and his SNL writers will be in your debt for supplying at least half a season of material for the show's opening skit. Perhaps the real Vladimir can even be booked as a guest host. With his great natural comedic talents he'll be a smash!
William (Phoenix, AZ)
It is a comic tragedy when so many of us can see Putin playing Trump for the fool that he is. All because “Putin has said some very nice things about me” . It is so easy to fool a malignant narcissistic by flattery, it’s the opioid for an addict and Putin is controlling the dosing of Trump. Scary when you consider Trump may well consider giving Putin access to what the author jokes about.
jahnay (NY)
The minute Putin's plane lands in the US his henchmen will be planting bugs everywhere.
beth reese (nyc)
It sounds all too real to me. Heaven help our country.
Angela Minoggio (New York)
And you found fault with Hillary, and voiced it at every occasion. Shame on you.
Holly (Canada)
It'll be like having Eddie Haskell over to the White House, with his creepy stare, and unnerving grin that everyone sees except Wally.
Nicholas (constant traveler)
Stop it! Trump's tie was not sweeping the floor and his hands are not small, OK, perhaps a little smaller than Putin's. PS. You must have forgotten about his toy with the big red button and how to reset it to reprogram it; And Alaska! Sarah can run it, what say you Vlad, a Billion?! Special price, best deal for you!
The Poet McTeagle (California)
I wish this was funny.
Cmary (Chicago)
Vlad should also be presented with a ceremonial tee-shirt he can wear around Washington that says, "I'm with stupid."
Marisa Leaf (Fishkill, NY)
Since what he is really doing is to MAKE RUSSIA GREAT AGAIN, the best course of action is for us to extradite him back to the good old USSR.
Kathy Lollock (Santa Rosa, CA)
3:00 AM Trump will escort Putin to the Lincoln guest room. After kneeling down and thanking God for how perfect they each are, Mr. T will tuck his pal into bed and kiss him upon his forehead. The portrait of Lincoln, of course, has been replaced with that of Trump's because the 45th is the very best Republican president EVER. The portrait has been strategically placed so that it will not only be the last thing for Putin to see but also the first upon awakening. Hopefully, it will bring him nightmares and a fitful sleep. 8:00 AM Trump will awaken his buddy with yet another kiss, help ready him for his trip home using Air Force One since Putin is in all actuality America's president. Breakfast will consist of caviar, borscht, and vodka. Need there be anything else? 9:00 AM En route, there will be a mile-long line of matching Baby Trump and Baby Putin Blimps. However, instead of diapers, their attire will be matching Red Army uniforms. 10:00 A sobbing Trump will need to be pulled away by his aides as he clings to Putin's legs saying, "Please stay. Don't go. I can not live without you." Putin thinks, I've done it. America is mine. Next up, Europe.
treabeton (new hartford, ny)
1 A.M. Send several ladies to Putin's hotel room at the Ritz-Carlton. But Putin. ever so smart, declines Trump's generous offer.
john belniak (high falls)
Sorry, Maureen, but this column is - I hate to say it- embarrassingly sophomoric. I loathe Trump and his boss Vlad and they deserve all the skewers and parody and irony we can muster. But this is a cheap laugh with Trump-level price tag. Give it a go again next week - I'll be there for you. Cook up something like a verbal equivalent of the Trump barrage-balloon baby, Anglo wise-guy wry, absurd and REALLY demeaning. Our President deserves nothing but the best.
Doremus Jessup (On the move)
The only difference between Donald Trump and a pig, is the fact that Trump walks on two legs.
David Henry (Concord)
Satire dies in the age of Trump. The damage done won't permit it. Laughing and smiling is enabling, normalizing, and colluding with the devil. No thanks, M.D., but at least you didn't mention Hillary this time. Progress matters!
kvon (NYC)
@David Henry She did mention her. She referred to her as Crooked Hillary three times.
Bob (New York)
"When Russia funnels secret cash into my hotels and golf courses, it’s money well laundered." Beautiful. Don't forget the condos.
Mm (Saint Petersburg)
We cannot accept any word out of this “ president’s” mouth, he has, from the beginning of his presidency said “ treat every day as if it is a reality show” , well, reality is here, care to vote this fraud out of office? M.McGowan
Hugh Briss (Climax, VA)
This column might have been funnier had it included POTUS taking Putin to Thanksgiving dinner at the home of one of POTUS's biggest fans, Kevin Dowd.
Hugh Briss (Climax, VA)
Q. What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? A. Putin doesn't have video of Trump watching a lentil.
DO5 (Minneapolis)
Treating Trump as if he were an old, fat overgrown child is falling into his trap. He is an evil, heartless, greedy, lecherous old man who runs the nation [and world] as if he is bullying tenants in his towers. In his element, Trump enthrals his followers with his heartless attacks on the weak and powerless. When he runs into a world class version of himself, like Putin, a real bad actor, there is fear mixed with awe. Trump sees a win-win with inviting Putin, the ultimate shiny object. These "meetings" that Trump calls summits give Trump a world stage when he meets with his super-villain friends. He gets validated along with the dictators. Foolish or not, he gets to parade around on the world stage dominating the news. He is evil but he is not a fool.
Memi von Gaza (Canada)
That is one scary picture. Worth every one of Ms. Dowd's excellent words. Putin, the snake, Trump, the mesmerized frog. I love and respect you deeply says the snake. I know says the frog. We are the same same. The snake smiles, and flicks his forked tongue Lie down before me he hisses. The frog complies And is devoured feet first. Near the end, their eyes meet again. I love you says the frog. I know says the snake. You have been the best one yet. Thank you says the frog That means a lot to me.
Marty (Massachusetts)
Remember, Maureen, you trashed Hillary and made nice to the Donald.
KlankKlank (Mt)
11:59pm - show Pootie all the architectural drawings for the planned trump hotels that will be built in major Russian cities. Do the facades look Kremlin enough?
bb (berkeley)
Sad but true, we have a madman in the Whitehouse, but not the Madison Avenue kind more like the "Silence of the Lambs" character that Anthony Hopkins plays. Maureen, your cynicism is getting directly proportional to Trumps idiotic moves, keep it up.
Anna (Germany)
She endorsed him. Still enjoys her tax cut and horrible judges. She is still happy with him. She never apologised for endorsing him.
The 1% (Covina California)
For the first time in recorded history, the GOP is SOFT on Russia!!! Whouda thunk that liberals are tougher than hawks. As soon as trumps investments dry up, this will all change.
Dan (NYC)
This was the best mea culpa I've ever read.
Dennis C (Scottsdale)
Ms. Dowd omitted the stop to say hi to Stormy.
Mike (Western MA)
Jeez, I have a pretty good sense of humor but I didn’t find this column the least bit funny,
Mickey Kronley (Phoenix)
Very cute. Very cute. Yawn. Boring. Our country’s very essence is being challenged by Trump. Why? Getting the answer will win Pulitzer’s, enormous accolades, etc. Yet, the Times opinion writers are falling over each other to write cute little essays about Trump and Putin. They sound like third rate local TV hosts. Maureen, you sound washed up—perhaps too much venom spent on Bill and Hillary the past two and half decades? You can do better than this tripe. If not, let someone else have a chance.
evans head (new south wales)
Mildly amusing but incredible to think that the USA will roll out the red carpet to the KGB thug . Hilarious to think his cyber attacks will continue and be happening on the very day he is being given the royal treatment at the white house. The stain of 45 will last a generation.
Nan Socolow (West Palm Beach, FL)
Ferocious and tragic, Maureen Dowd, your "Trump and His Very Special Guest" piece today, one week after the Trump/Putin Day That Will Live in Infamy - 16 July 2018, The fallout continues 24/7 from that catastrophic mistake of our 45th president in Helsinki, Finland. We are sick as we watch the Trump-inspired trajectory of America's fall from the heights of democracy to the depths of depravity. May the sun never rise on the day Vladimir Putin arrives in Washington, D.C. at the invitation of our sociopathic and psychopathic president.
Alexander Harrison (Wilton Manors, Fla.)
The years add up , and once, 20 years ago or so, Ms. DOWD was very funny, kept it light. But now, in her "crepuscular years,"in a manner of speaking, since she now qualifies for Medicare, having reached the "troisieme age,"as Simone de Beauvoir so delicately put it, Ms. Dowd appears cranky, mean spirited, determined to mock Trump and ridicule him in any way she can. Difference between her and Maggie Haberman, who was also once on Trump's urgently called list back in the day when they were both based in NY, is difference between night and day.Haberman reports on Trump for Times newspaper and on CNN in a fair, objective , but not uncritical way. Of course MH is 20 years, grosso modo, Dowd's junior. "Anno domini" as a dear . late colleague was wont to say:His way of saying that all the time time is passing!"Do not know Dowd's background, whether she understands the idiom of Rabelais, but there is an interview in French with Anthony Eden, p.m during Suez crisis which illustrates need for cooperation between US and USSR to prevent then a M.E. war from breaking out. Our 2 nations need each other, and the world needs us to work together as well for world peace!
FanieW (San Diego, CA)
Gee, Maureen, imagine how worse it would have been if Hillary had won? Aren't you proud of trashing her for all those years? Well done, you!
Bill Simpson (Gladstone NJ)
Very amusing, Ms. Dowd, as always, but it's just so alarmingly close to the truth that I can no longer bring myself to laugh.
Gunga Din (Palo Alto, CA)
Ms. Dowd, you forgot to mention that Pastor Pence will be looking on dreamily during some of these meetings between the traitor and the dictator.
Coco Pazzo (Firenze)
If Trump actually read the "failing New York Times" I'm confident he'd direct a staffer to print this column and get right to work making sure all of it happens.
LGL (Prescott, AZ)
Maureen, your column is very entertaining if it wasn't so tragic!
Will. (NYC)
Don't forget to bring in Putin's old friend Jill Stein (the so called "Green Party" candidate who cozied up to Putin in Moscow in 2015 with so called General Flynn - same dinner table!). She's the greatest. Totally useful to the Putin cause. Too many Americans are gullible. They fell for the "Green Party" rouse again in 2016! How many times does that old trick get dragged out of the Russian dirty tricks closet?
Sigmund1 (Hawaii)
Maureen - How could El Presidente Grande have missed an opportunity to put together an informal off-the-record round table discussion on U.S.-Russian relations? Guests would include HIllary, Bill, Barack, Bob (Mul’er), John (Bolt- on), Anderson (“AC 180”), Paul (Man-a-fort), Mike (Fling). They could also include discussion of US influence on various foreign elections through the years: Iran, Italy. Vietnam, Latin America, Russia.
Michael (San Francisco)
Funny, sort of, like most of Maureen Dowd's writing. What's really, really not funny, or forgivable, is the fact that she and her brother aided in blurring the truth about Trump's monstrousness before the election*.
Gaff (New York)
Putin wants to be Czar of the old Russian Empire. Maybe they'll put the return of Alaska on the agenda. In exchange for Trump's second term.
Tom Q (Southwick, MA)
Maureen, you forgot the final addition. Show Vladimir to the Lincoln Bedroom after touching back down in Washington.
James Ricciardi (Panama, Panama)
Let's just be clear about this cozy state dinner. Melania will be Putin's date. Putin can't stand John Bolton.
lee113 (Danville, VA)
1:10 call CIA, FBI and Nunes to know why there are no people in evidence in Washington; why there is no one to applaud or wave flags as the Pals pass (Well, I wish that could happen.).
Jeoffrey (Arlington, MA)
It's easy to make fun of Trump's supine groveling to Putin.
silver vibes (Virginia)
While Putin is a guest of the president, why not have him address Congress so they can hear directly from Putin’s own lips how great America has become since the 2016 election. Then introduce Putin to David Duke and Richard Spencer, “very fine people” who represent everything America stands for. Then a tour of CIA headquarters over at Langley, then a walk-through at the Hoover Building so Putin can see first-hand how the “deep state” FBI operates. Then Putin, when watching NFL players take a knee during the National Anthem before a football game will say to the president, “that’s what you did to me in Helsinki, da?”
maya (detroit,mi)
I want to laugh but I can't.
J. Grant (Pacifica, CA)
Mo, you forgot: 11:59 pm. Give Vladimir a set of keys to the White House and a copy of our nuclear codes
Soxared, '04, '07, '13 (Boston)
If the American president had any guts--leave alone love for his country--he would escort Vladimir Putin into the White House's theater for a viewing of "The Manchurian candidate." Oh; wait. Donald Trump has been living the life of Raymond Shaw all his life. Sorry; my bad.
LT (Chicago)
11:45 P.M. Visit Arlington National Cemetery. Listen to the sound of real patriots turning over in their grave. Show off my total immunity to shame.
Wade Sikorski (Baker, MT)
So, really now, why would Trump invite Putin to Washington? It's the last thing any other politician would do, especially if they had collaborated with Putin to rig the election. I think Trump didn't have anything to do with the invitation. Putin made him do it so he could gloat, showing the whole world he could make Trump do stupid things. It would be like the Republican Senators who went to Moscow on July 4. You just know they didn't do that willingly.
Sharon Knettell (Rhode Island)
We the future cabbage soup and borscht peasants of Amerika thank you for this caviar of a column!
NYSkeptic (NYC)
Since you’re fantasizing, what about the two of them being handcuffed and frog walked out of the White House? Now that is the stuff of dreams.
MorGan (NYC)
IKE,JFK,LBJ,and even Dick must be rolling in their graves. They never could imagine we will be in a deep despair to elect a compromised street hustler as POUS. This is who we are today. It's beyond tragic. It's a calamity.
Jackie (Missouri)
A few more details are missing. 1.) Showing Putin the bogus Time Magazine pictures of himself on the wall as "Man of the Year;" 2.) Inviting Putin to use his secretary's computer so that he can check his email back home; 3.) Inviting him to a meeting at the Oval Office so that he can hear for himself all of the wonderful sycophantic things his toadies say to him, like how blessed they are that God made Trump president; 4.) Introduce him to the guy who carries the briefcase with the nuclear codes; 5.) Tour of the main FBI building where he can use their computer to again check his emails back home, and while he is there, Putin can offer Mueller the use of his handkerchief or offer him a drink; 6.) take him and his more patriotic US generals to West Point for target practice; 7.) Show him the Presidential Bathroom where Trump does the majority of his thinking and tweeting; 8.) take him to Silicon Valley and let him email the folks back home; and 9.) Cap off his entire visit with a trip to Anaheim so that Putin can do what Nikita Khrushchev couldn't - visit Disneyland.
EASabo (NYC)
How can it be that so many pundits and main stream superstars are about two years behind in expressing outrage about this debacle? I just don't get it. We needed you two years ago. But ka-ching, I guess.
Ellen French (San Francisco)
You're very close....except for all the protesters blocking the streets and keeping the bromance grounded at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Surely they'll find something 'private' to talk about for 8 hours....or maybe they can just watch a little Shark Week together.
ed connor (camp springs, md)
Not your best effort, Maureen. The only thing I learned from this column was the meaning of the word "chyron."
Steve Ell (Burlington, Vermont)
Who leaked the schedule. I can’t imagine you made that up yourself. It’s too perfect.
Tom Sullivan (Encinitas, CA)
By his own admission, Putin got the American president he wanted. As a carefully screened, highly trained and very experienced KGB operative, Putin knows how to play even a challenging mark. In this case, he's gifted with such a clueless dupe, a willfully ignorant trash-TV personality so laden with weaknesses and vices that Putin could phone it in. But he won't. He'll work the mark with all his considerable skills. As sardonically funny as Maureen Dowd's column is today, this is nothing to laugh about. Republicans in the Congress need to stop celebrating their great success in using Trump as a useful dupe in advancing their partisan ends, and reel him in before irreparable damage is done.
doc3putt (Omaha)
I wish that column were satire.
SD (upstate)
Yeah....it's mostly for show. But you forgot the trip to the Russian embassy where the POTUS and Putin can have another private little meeting...….a chance for our president to reconnect with his handler.
Susan (Paris)
Surely time should also be made available in the schedule for Putin either to give a karate demonstration on the White House lawn or ride shirtless on a white horse down Pennsylvania Avenue while Trump follows in a golf cart. In fact with Putin’s long experience with Russia’s annual May Day parade, he should be able to give Trump plenty of tips on his own planned military extravaganza. So nice to have a he-man BFF like Putin to show off around Washington and not a wimp like Trudeau and those other (former?) allies. - I can’t wait.
Rick Gage (Mt Dora)
We'll have to be home by midnight though, that's when I turn back into a pumpkin colored poseur who is powerless to defend the Constitution, America or it's people from the foreign attacks of my puppeteer, paymaster and pal Putin. And, if Trump ends up in a federal prison we can all live happily ever after.
Judi (California)
You forgot time for Vlad and Donald to find more ways to separate immigrant children from their parents with no intention of reuniting them or tracking them...just a little human trafficking for fun...
NM (NY)
And at day's end, Trump will give Putin another creepy wink, as he did in Finland, and say, "And remember, no one has ever been so tough on you as me!" The absurdity will produce a laugh from even the ever-humorless Putin.
Harry Pearle (Rochester, NY)
Maureen, you forgot one thing: demonstrations! ----------------------------------------------------------- If Putin actually does come to Washington, there will be huge demonstrations, in the Capitol, and elsewhere around the US. So, Trump, might take some time to take Putin to the demonstrations, so he can greet the people, there. On the other hand, I can't imagine Putin coming to see Trump in Washington, because huge demonstrations would be an embarrassment, that might hurt Republican House elections.
Peggy Sherman (Wisconsin)
Trump has been the best target in history for satirists. And it is satire that has kept me sane. Thankyou Ms. Dowd, Stephen Colbert, The Onion, and many others. I only hope that all of my favorites don't end up in Siberia, while Roseanne Barr and similar third rate sycophants fill the void with sitcoms that flatter our new governing troika of Trump, Hannity, and Putin.
Milton Lewis (Hamilton Ontario)
Very clever column. Maureen at her best. Lunch should include peas in a pod.These pals are so much alike. Perhaps in honor of Putin’s visit Trump could pardon Bernie Madoff. All three could compare their experience in creative finance. Madoff would provide a fresh perspective.
FL Sunshine (Florida)
I was looking forward to reading this and chuckling after all that's happened this week. Halfway through I realized some of this could really take place and we won't find out about it until weeks later AND from Russian TV. Not funny. SAD.
Gazbo Fernandez (Tel Aviv, IL)
Where do I buy tickets? This may be better than the World Cup.
George Gollin (Champaign, Illinois)
Here is a thought about President Trump's psychodynamics, and the harm to the United States that results from his golfing weekends. Mr. Trump is not capable of digesting complex information (limited mental agility, age-related diminishment), and has never had to do so in the past, so he has no experience that would be like the policy work that a good president would undertake. As a result, he spends much of his time shutting out the din of a confusing, messy world. He hides from it entirely on weekends, since he plays golf then. But that's a bad activity for him: too much idle mental time, so he turns over and over in his mind the slings and arrows that have been aimed at him most recently. That makes him go bonkers. There are no distractions for him of digesting and advancing a complicated policy initiative, since he's baffled by that kind of thing. It reminds me of a frightening episode some years ago, in which a mentally ill former colleague tumbled into a psychotic fury, obsessing about imagined slights suffered at an end of semester party. The former colleague was not in a position to destroy 70 years of forward progress, but we did worry about violent aftershocks.
Doug Keller (Virginia)
Ah, how times change. Not too long ago the 'right' was up in arms over Obama's "apology tour," by which he weakened American power by having the temerity to say that "America is not perfect" (while putting the statement in context and never actually issuing an "apology.") Now it is "Blame America First," even for Russian aggression; and transgressions by Russians (and other authoritarian governments) are overlooked because "America is just as bad" -- or has even done worse. So Russia is a "competitor" with whom we should be "friends," even while Russia is demonstrably and verifiably engaged in hacking our infrastructure with the express intention of disrupting it to achieve it's own political goals. This is where we have come to. And this reversal receives around 80% support among the very people who were vilifying Obama's perceived treachery and weakness.
Zeno (Ann Arbor)
Did you see the shock on Trump's face and the smirk on Putin's after the meeting in Helsinki? Why, it was almost as if Putin had told Trump that he had enough stuff on him to put him away for a long time if ratted it to the Feds. Putin is no buddy of Trump.
Eric (Seattle)
It isn't funny and it isn't inevitable. I see tv clips of pundits at their round tables as they gasp out the latest atrocity or enormous danger. "He said/did that!!?!?" The corner's of their lips turn up in a smirk, their eyes twinkle with delight. It's why we are where we are.
Tom (SFCA)
Although normally I would be intrigued when they introduce a bromance to TV's #1-rated reality series, in the case of Vladimir and Donald it becomes a grotesque and chilling parody, mainly because Donald's new BFF has blood on his hands. I will admit it's fun to see Donald so weak and submissive to his master, but if that's not treason, then what is?
Meryl g (NYC)
I don’t have the heart to laugh any more. This column may end up on the news side in a few months with very few revisions.
justthefactsma'am (USS)
You forgot to mention Trump getting tips from Putin in a private meeting: 1) How to strengthen the oligarchy the GOP has so masterfully created 2) Properties Trump wants to buy with laundered Russian money and how much more he will get when he sells...sort of like a finder's fee. Trump will also sign a decree, er executive order, to repeal the Magnitsky Act so Vlad and his buddies can access their stolen cash. US parents will be free to adopt Russian children again. Trump will give his blessing to Russia invading Estonia, even though it's one country in NATO that spends 2% on military. They can also laugh at replays of Trump's greatest moments, including pushing the prime minister of Montenegro aside so he can preen in the front row of a picture And, oh yes, Vlad is free to take over Montenegro with no interference from the U.S. A very productive visit, indeed.
Paul (Greensboro, NC)
My favorite line: 8:30 A.M. Ivanka will bring in her children, dressed in Red Army Choir uniforms, to sing “Song of the Volga Boatmen” and recite a poem they wrote about how dictators are our hope for the future. This on-going sham means we all have to laugh more at the absurdity of it all --- every cheery dreary bit of it.
ppromet (New Hope MN)
Laughter truly is the best medicine!
joann (baltimore)
I want to know what exactly the Democratic Party is doing to subvert the scenario (too close to reality) in this column beside sending out Nancy Pelosi emails asking for money. I have seen nothing effective from them all week. Did anyone in that party leadership take Mass Comm 101?
JBonn (Ottawa )
Trump was high on Putin during the campaign. Those who voted for Trump were voting for Putin. Now both sides have to live with it.
James Landi (Camden, Maine)
Just a Vlad enjoys total support from his "free press," Donald is working hard to convince us that journalists are bad people, "the worse," and that most of our broadcast and print journalism is fake. And Donald is doing a fine job of marginalizing not only our news media, but also just as importantly, federal agencies and career civil servants whose mission it is to work for the common good. He and Vlad are soul mates, and just as Vlad enjoys great popularity in Russia, Trump is working hard to build a majority among our ignorant, angry, and poorly educated citizens. If all goes well for Donald, our country will be forever changed and no longer recognizable, for our democratic core principles will be so diminished that few will care to notice .
Gordon MacDowell (Kent, OH)
And on a serious note, I hope that there is a press meeting after this event and that some reporter will ask the Russian president... 1) `Mr. Putin, do you make your tax filings available to the voting public? and 2) do you think that Mr. Trump should make his tax filings public?' His answer would tell us a lot about them both, no matter what he would say.
Not Amused (New England)
This opinion piece might be funny, were the President's treasonous behavior not hurting so many real people across this nation and around the world. While Ms. Dowd may have nailed it, "it" would appear to be the mass grave being prepared for us. Hardly the stuff of comedy; it's gone on long enough, it's dead serious.
Mel (Beverly MA)
This column is wicked good fun! If I weren't laughing, I'd be crying, to quote the old saw.
Jim1648 (Pennsylvania)
Donald thinks that North Korea is a well-run country too, and wants to make the U.S. just like it. He is well on his way.
C (United States)
This is all very sad but true.
Fred (Henderson, NV)
Does the "sister city" tradition still exist? If so, Trump needs to declare Washington, D.C. and Moscow sister cities. It would be perfect in so many ways.
Rick (New York)
I could imagine Trump doing everyhing you mention in the article.
michael (sarasota)
Very reliable sources have told me they believe Putin is to have a very private sit down with trump in the fall to re-negotiate the sale price of Alaska to the U.S. way way back. Putin claims it was a disastrous deal. Sad. trump will agree with his very good friend Vlad. An agreement will be signed: all current massive economic restrictions on Mother Russia will be removed. Done deal. Trump wins.And keeps his dirty -laundry money. And The U.S. loses. Bigly.
We'll always have Paris (Sydney, Australia)
A perfect example of Jefferson's dictum that "ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions". In this case, Trump's assertion that he could be Putin's worst nightmare.
Keir Shakespeare (Guadeloupe)
Trump may or may not have colluded with Putin in 2016, but there is little doubt he intends to collide going forward. Trump needs an active Russia to keep from being impeached in 2019, and to have any chance of winning in 2020. That is the main reason he is so cosy with Putin, and is inviting him to the White House!
DHL (Palm Desert, Ca)
It would be funny if it weren't true. Enough with the satire. Our country is awash in it and it isn't solving any problems. Maureen, you are an intelligent and well read citizen of the world, offer us some tangible solutions to this predicament as if the state of the world depended on it.
Call Me Al (California)
Trump deported those sixty Russian diplomats as punishment for Putin ordering the murder o British citizens. This decision was based on his belief that crime was actually committed. If he now feels this was an error, and is contrite for his mistake, then Trump should apologize and allow the diplomats to return. Or is this an expansion of the principle that "real men" can kill innocent people without any consequences. We may never know whether these murders were approved by their autocratic dictator. But, either Trump believed this or he never did. Last week every single Republican Senator acceded to a resolution saying they disapprove of sending an American diplomat to Russia to be interrogated. Such a resolution, this one disapproving of Putin's invitation, can be proposed by any Senator. A single Republican can object, and the resolution will go down the endless tunnel of committees to die in silence. We should all be looking eagerly for the Republican party's response. I suggest none of them will want to be complicit in the U.S feting a brutal dictator. The passage of such a resolution is tantamount to a parliamentary motion of no confidence, which could be the beginning of the end of the Trump Presidency
Redux (Asheville NC)
Clear your mind, step back, and realize how unbelievable the last two years have been. No novelist could have envisioned such a plot - the President in thrall of a Russian dictator and his party enabling him every step of the way. Our system of government is in the balance and we must vote these people out of office in November; it might be our last chance to rescue our nation from descending into darkness.
Mary Scott (NY)
Trump may spend days preparing his agenda for the Putin coronation but it is useless. Putin will set the agenda and Trump will follow it, just as he did in Helsinki. He will get down on his hands and knees, if need be, to beg Putin to tip the 2018 election to Republicans as he did in 2016 but it will come at great cost to our democracy, our strong alliances with like-minded democracies and our national security. Trump is president in name only. For as long as he is in office Putin will be in charge, greatly assisted by the NRA, the RNC, Congressional Republicans, and Trump supporters. Americans of good will who believe in democratic values need to come together and flood the 2018 elections with their votes to stop this infamy. We must our fellow citizens and the world that there are more of us than there are of them and that we will take our country back.
Ex-Conservative (Texas)
I actually cracked a smile because it was extremely funny although in the back of my mind there's the ever present recognition we are in a national nightmare
V (LA)
When Donald Trump attacked Hillary Clinton during the third and final presidential debate in October 2016, saying Putin had "no respect" for her or President Obama, Clinton shot back, "Well, that's because he'd rather have a puppet as president of the United States." "No puppet. No puppet," Trump shot back. "You're the puppet. No, you're the puppet." Trump didn't accept the conclusion that Russia was responsible for the hacks. "She has no idea whether it's Russia, China or anybody else," he said. "I am not quoting myself -- I am quoting 17 intelligence agencies. Do you doubt 17 civilian and military intelligence agencies?" Clinton asked Trump. "Our country has no idea," Trump said. "You encouraged espionage against our" people," she said. "You are willing to spout the Putin line, sign up for his wish list: break up NATO, do whatever he wants to do. "You continue to get help from him because he has a very clear favorite in this race." Turns out, Ms. Dowd, Hillary Clinton was right. Trump is Putin's puppet.
Seagazer101 (Redwood Coast)
@VClearer by the day.
kglen (Philadelphia Pa)
so interesting to hear that exchange over again. But Ms. Dowd could never ever acknowledge that Hillary Clinton was right.
Mary Ann Donahue (NYS)
@V ~ Thank you for refreshing our memories of how accurate Hillary was in her appraisal of djt and Putin. Most likely Putin knew he could not not manipulate her like he does the donald. V, You consistently compose great, very readable comments!
poets corner (California)
Nailed it!
JayK (CT)
I think we're a bit beyond the point where lampooning the relationship between these two has any value. It's an unmitigated tragedy for this country, and all the humor in the world isn't going to change that or make anybody feel better. Trump represents the end of the efficacy of political satire, and soon enough we'll find out what else he represents the end of unless Robert Mueller can manage to pull a rabbit out of his hat. Personally, I think he's going to try and indict Trump, but really has no need to talk to him. He knows anything Trump says is completely useless, anyway, but is simply using the threat of subpoena as a tactic to distract him and his legal team, making them waste their time and resources. Mueller is clearly building a monstrous case the likes of which have never been seen, and Trump will most likely be put in a position where he will have to "cut a deal" and resign or face criminal prosecution either in office or after he leaves it.
wnhoke (Manhattan Beach, CA)
@JayK OK, I speculate about things I do not know all the time. I believe Trump is a narcissist, but I have never met the man. However, you make statements in your last paragraph that are really just your wishes, not facts. You, and I, have no idea whether Mueller has a strong case against Trump or nothing. I am assuming you are not on Mueller's team.
Martin (Los Angeles)
Please, please be right!!
Ed Op (Toronto)
My gawd, I hope you’re right!
Mary Ann Donahue (NYS)
Why did Maureen feel it necessary to refer to Hillary Clinton as "Crooked Hillary" three times? No indication it was sarcasm or irony. Meanwhile we have a truly corrupt and crooked administration with trump kowtowing to Putin. And Dowd still feels it necessary to diss Sec. Clinton! Not funny.
Eli (RI)
@Mary Ann Donahue it just dawned onto me may be Dowd is "Crooked Maureen", after all, just saying.
goldenboy (blacksburg)
Because she is portraying Trump referring to Hillary, and Trump always calls her Crooked Hillary.
victor g (Ohio)
@Mary Ann Donahue "Crooked Hillary," or not, doesn't matter anymore. Thanks to her, though, we got Trump. I'd diss her, too, if I could.
Rita (California)
Now do the Putin side? 7am. Watching Trump News with Baby Huey. He thinks it’s haw-haw funny how the announcers repeat his tweets. I notice that his tweets are just repeating what 5hey said. Must talk to Moscow about wasting rubles on Trump when Fox is the master. 11 am. Prayer breakfast with Trump and the Christian Right. Why are they praying to the Almighty Dollar? 12 pm. Finally, a drink of vodka. Ugggghhhh, it’s Trump Vodka! 1 pm. Dessert with the NRA. Gun rights in Russia? Is 5his the Comedy Hour? 3 pm. Meeting with the RSO, Republican Sycophant Orchestra. Really? 5pm. Review of the troops. Thank goodness we have control of Trump’s cellphone. While we watch, it records and sends it back to my people in Moscow. Nice uniforms, Mr. President. Love the DJT logo on the tanks.
Jojojo (Nevada)
@Rita Absurdity is not fun, is it? No. It is not at all.
Dominique (Branchville)
@Rita Yes! Baby Huey- that is what I called him from the day he came down those escalator stairs.
Steve (SW Mich)
The skinny on the secret meeting in Helsinki was a Darth Vader - Luke Skywalker exchange, where Vlad told Donald that he was his father, and that the father he knew was just a surrogate. Vlad pressed him to "come to the dark side", where he would in fact become known as master of the universe. This appealed very much to Donald, because it would be the ultimate "win", and his evangelical base had suddenly became small potatoes (he doesn't need them anymore). The stage is now set in Washington DC for Donalds final conversion.
Beverley (Seal Beach)
Great article. Hope it doesn't come true.
Lyssa Furor (New Orleans)
I wonder what the agendas of McConnell, the GOP, and the NRA look like. Nothing amusing and nothing to laugh at, I'm sure. I do believe that they, like Trump, are compromised and are therefore paving the road for further debasement of our democracy and our country.
oldBassGuy (mass)
@Lyssa Furor Putin can do pretty much what he wants to do through his puppet trump. Republicans in congress are not going to do anything. Putin controls them also. Every republican in congress accepts bribes from Putin via the NRA. You've got to hand it to Putin. He reads America like a book. He exploits the republican obsessions: god, guns, gays. And lets not forget the massive legal bribery conduit that goes by the name Citizens United.
Jojojo (Nevada)
@Lyssa Furor You are SO right.
fdc (USA)
Don't you get it? Trump is furiously normalizing Russia for his base so that when his secret tax returns get outed and reveal the enormity of his Russian debt and investment, it will be no big whoop. For the rest of us, it will all begin to make sense.
S Norris (London)
@fdc agreed...… his self interest "trumps" all else...I believe he has visions of becoming the first American Oligarch....I wonder who gave him that idea?
Cmary (Chicago)
As a reminder, this nightmare is being brought to us courtesy of the Republican Party, an organization made up of people who believe Trump comported himself well in Helsinki and who are not troubled by Trump’s obeisance to the Russian dictator. Now we find out that Russia infiltrated the GOP-supporting NRA and evangelical groups to help steal the 2016 election. Russia apparently found these two largely broadly uninformed populations as fertile ground for helping to spread anti-Democratic propaganda and funnel money for Russia’s dirty work. So the 40 percent amongst us who consider themselves members of the GOP, consisting in large part of NRA members and evangelicals, constitute a pro-Trump and anti-democratic cancer on America’s body politic. Considering the GOP’s gun-happy and anti-democratic religious base, it’s no surprise our democracy is hanging by a thread.
poohbah (Philadelphia)
@Cmary Obama got strongly criticized for this remark: "And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy toward people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations" Mariia Butina apparently heard this and focused her efforts on getting to know people by spending a lot of time with the NRA and various evangelical groups
Cmary (Chicago)
Yes, not only does the NRA pose an on-going threat to the lives of Americans, it now poses a clear and present danger to the American government.
PCB (Los Angeles)
I appreciate the humor in this column. We all need it after this week in tRump history, but it’s almost too real to be funny.
L Martin (BC)
Stand by to see how this commentary will template over the actual visit. As he finds his sea legs, T is moving into more precarious situations that would challenge the most seasoned of capable politicians. What could possibly go wrong? Everything?
DAC (Henderson, NV)
The following paragraph of the Rima Regas comment needed to be repeated! Jon Huntsman, Mike Pompeo, John Kelly and Dan Coats, need to stop thinking that their departures will trigger a catastrophe. The catastrophe is already well under way. Leaving Trump will hasten his demise. Staying will only prolong a process that is inevitable. If these men have an ounce of honor left in them, they should resign. Now. So very well said and so true!
Mike Roddy (Alameda, Ca)
The President is the only one who doesn't realize that Putin also knows that he is an idiot. When they meet, Vlad will provide just enough flattery to get what he wants, then head to his suite in the Trump Hotel, drink some vodka with his entourage, and laugh his ass off. Thanks for the humor, Maureen. We might as well have some fun with this circus until even Trump can no longer get away with his lies. He doesn't know or care that most of us are laughing at him, but it's no joke to Mueller and prosecutors in the Southern District and DC. When they are done with him Donald won't even be able to walk to his golf cart.
Wisewoman1 (Salt Lake City, Utah)
@Mike Roddy This whole thing is truly no laughing matter. I think our country is being 'entertained' by the Trump buffoon, and may be looking at what's going on as a kind of reality show. No one is taking it seriously. Or, actually paying attention to it. Appearance alone tells the true story. Here is Putin; thin, obviously in shape, with tailored suits and erect posture. Here is Trump, overweight and obviously out of shape, dressed in cheap suits that wrinkle at the back of the shoulder, and slumping posture. Trump tells lies, there's a flash of outrage, and the news cycle moves on. Republicans all accept this, as do GOP politicians. It's so crazy that decades from now, the remaining humans will say, "What were they thinking?"
Casual Observer (Los Angeles)
Well composed parody of a well planned schedule more well anticipated than Trump would be inclined to make. Trump would keep it simple and focused upon himself not his guest, I think. First of all, any time outside of the one on one would be spent playing golf, dining on steaks and chocolate cake, and sitting about with distinguished personalities for photo ops. Putin would be perfectly happy with Trump being Trump and behaving predictably. Putin knows Trump better than Trump and plays him well. Trump feels appreciated right up to the moment that he relates some trick that Putin played on him in the one on one that he still had not realized. It’s hard to make a parody of reality like that.
Jonathan Baker (New York City)
Every living thing has a timeline and a terminus point, including the grand arc and ultimate demise of empires. Great empires in history have usually succumbed to exhaustion, and our empire is dead tired of trying to uphold ideals it no longer believes in, if in fact it ever did. The Republicans want to close down the republic and outsource governance to dictatorship either domestic or foreign. This nation will not survive when half the population actively wants to see it dead. It may be that Lincoln’s attempt to salvage the unwanted union of this country was simply delaying its inevitable suicide.
Tim Moffatt (Orillia Ontario )
Totally agree
joyce (santa fe)
You may be exhausted but cynicism is not the answer.
Seagazer101 (Redwood Coast)
@Jonathan Baker Wow! Are you already past your own "terminus point"? I'm old, but not yet dead. You go on ahead and lie down. I'll stay for the fight!
studenlawyer (golden)
Pres Trump should have the right to create his own foreign policy. If he chose to normalize relations with Russia and Pres Putin, that is his privilege. I am amazed that he is having such flack. Pres Obama normalized with Pres. Castro and the Iranians. Opposing Pres Trump is going to hurt everyone. I wish he had different advisers but that is his decision to work with Pres Putin. Now, NATO decision to expand into Russia's influence was bad and Pres Obama should not have pursue the sanction creating this great enemy and possible meddling into USA affairs. The move into trade wars is not helpful, since Russian cannot provide enough business to compensate. At this juncture, I would pray and help Pres. Trump to finish his four years than all the drama and obstructions going on.
John Smithson (California)
@Jeff Jones I don't think Donald Trump is looking to "normalize" relations with Russia. I think he is going in with low to no expectations to see if there are any things that he and Vladimir Putin can agree on. That's why he doesn't want any advisers involved or any prior negotiations. They wouldn't help. Yes, that approach might be unusual, even unique, for a president. But any skilled and experienced negotiator (like myself, I might humbly say) would recognize the technique. It often works, and when it doesn't, no harm done. The Republicans in Congress should tend to their own knitting instead of worrying about what the President is doing. Plenty of time for formalities if any formal agreement is reached.
Jeff Jones (Phoenix)
This is not the way it works. We have 3 branches of government. You need support from at least Congress to have lasting success. Obama is case in point. He negotiates a nuclear deal with Iran and the EU but does not get Congress to turn it into a treaty. The next president can decide to undo the deal. Even Republicans in Congress don’t want normalization with Russia in the weak way that Trump is approaching it.
sandur (Orlando)
Normalizing relations with Iran and Cuba is far different that playing for the opposition.
D Price (Wayne, NJ)
I was just starting to emerge from my post-Helsinki funk, but after reading this piece I'm depressed all over again.
studenlawyer (golden)
@D Price Specifically what depressed you?
D Price (Wayne, NJ)
@studenlawyer That a visit from Putin will be on the docket.
Richard Luettgen (New Jersey)
I was tempted to do an alternate itinerary as über-spoof, similar to what I often do with Gail (how I miss her), but I realized that with very little effort it would be FAR funnier than Maureen’s -- and that would be cruel, something I go to some effort to avoid being here. But I guess they can’t all be gems. Ironic, though, that she should mention McCain on his deathbed … On a (somewhat) serious note, Vlad the Impaler should realize that his true strategic adversary isn’t the U.S. or the West generally. WE have no designs on Mother Russia, in terms of real estate, militaries OR economics. His TRUE adversary is China, as it is ours. He should detail his cyber-geeks to Langley, to set up a joint task force to target a monster hack of the power that REALLY wants to take over the world – and may have the resources to credibly attempt the feat. Trump knows deals. Maybe at the next summit, when he hosts his “very special guest”, THIS could be the primary subject of their Situation Room klatches.
Alexander Harrison (Wilton Manors, Fla.)
@Richard Luettgen:Good point made about China being the most formidable adversary for both Russia and the US, and recalls Napoleon 1er's Cassandra like prediction towards end of 18th century after he had destroyed the Directoire with a whiff of gunshot and put in place his own imperial system: Let China sleep!When she awakens the world will be sorry! After Uncle Edwin had been "demobbed" from the British army as an nco, he transitioned to the Shanghai Municipal Police during final years of Open Door policy when China was still carved up into separate spheres of influence, called "concessions,"family's history of defending the Empire goes back a long way.
Lisa Butler (Colorado)
@Richard Luettgen: "but I realized that with very little effort it would be FAR funnier than Maureen’s..." Richard, your arrogance is astounding. I have been reading your posts for quite some time and can't remember ever once having cracked even a tiny smile at your words. Mo, on the other hand, occasionally inspires a chuckle. "WE have no designs on Mother Russia, in terms of real estate, militaries OR economics" is totally beside the point. Putin has designs on the US and the West, as evidenced by his annexation of Crimea, his aggression in Ukraine, his assault on our elections, and most recently, his attempt to convince Trump that "aggressive" Montenegro is not worthy of NATO's defense. "Trump knows deals." No, Trump knows the art of the con, cheating, lying, bankruptcies and fraud. He exemplifies incompetence, which is what makes him such an easy mark for Putin. You might be the only person in New York who actually believes Trump knows how to honestly negotiate.
dairubo (MN & Taiwan)
@Richard Luettgen There is a big difference between being funny and being laughable.
bobsan (beverly hills)
beautifully delicious or is it deliciously beautiful All too real to be funny.
Sir Reginald V. Wedge (Bellingham)
We can only wish that it would all be so.
Linda (Oklahoma)
Could Trump at least ask Putin if he can borrow his steamer? Next to both Queen Elizabeth and to Putin, Trump looked so wrinkled and unkempt. The president of the United States always looks like he found his suit on the bottom of the laundry basket. Putin and the Queen looked so well put together. Trump looks like he doesn't care about his image.
Sir Reginald V. Wedge (Bellingham)
One thing that we all saw and learned during President Trump's trip to Europe is that he is definitely an unfinished President. It is one thing to be a man of the people, but on a good day, even the people try their best to look good and be the best they can be. President Trump needs finishing school in his dress, his speech, his walk (he shuffles), his manner. Kellyanne, who gets along the best with President Trump, is in the best position to lead the makeover, update, upgrade, polishing, toning and buffing of President Trump. As the President, himself, would tell us, appearances are very important, and even more important than policy, ideology, politics, governance and government.
Patience Lister (Norway)
@Linda, I don´t think he does; one of the protesters´signs from London famously said: "trump wears badly tailored suits". The daft thing is, he could afford the best tailors...
Home Plate (WA State)
With Hope Hicks gone there's no one to steam the prez's clothes.
hen3ry (Westchester, NY)
I have a problem with this day. I can't imagine Vlad and the Donald spending that much time together without Vlad (may I call him Vlad, so much more brotherly than Putin) shaking the Donald and telling him, in better and more coherent English than he's ever heard or spoken, to stop being such an idiot and to remember that he crossed his fingers when he was sworn in as president. And then I have another vision of the Donald begging Vlad to let him play with Rudy G since he needs all the friends he can get since no one, not even the media, likes him. Worse yet, Melania won't share anything with him any longer. It's hard working for the enemy but Vlad's doing a great job convincing the Donald that it's the right thing to do.
stu freeman (brooklyn)
12 Midnight: Bring some American call-girls in to the Russian embassy where we'll set up some cameras and victimize Putin with a pee tape of his very own and so I'm no longer compelled to cater to his every wish. Yeah, sure, that's what I'll do- just after I clear it with Vlad, of course.
Alexander Harrison (Wilton Manors, Fla.)
@stu freeman: Try growing up Mr. Freeman. You have "les cheveux blancs, tout a fait,"so why not take a more analytical view of the impending meeting, and try to view it as a step towards closer cooperation between 2 superpowers, without which there can be no world peace!Do you know what worries Dr. Harrison, Ph,D: Keith Ellison, an otherwise intelligent man and effective congressman, head of the DNC to boot, parading around wearing a tee shirt calling for open borders in the idiom of Cervantes. I regard that with foreboding!
stu freeman (brooklyn)
@Alexander Harrison: Good thing I don't speak French or I might find your comment insulting. Is it necessary for you to cite your "Ph,D" honors to establish your credibility as a student of foreign affairs? In this instance closer cooperation means closer collusion- on Putin's terms. If you can't see that, try donning a pair of spectacles instead of endorsing the kind of spectacle that Trump engaged in in Helsinki.
Bos (Boston)
It's a pretty good itinerary, Ms Dowd, but Vlad may require some adjustments. There will be a golf course inspection. After all, Vlad & co might have investments in them. People may not know for sure, even if they have a chance to look over the tax returns. Vlad may check out his investment in NRA. It is a heck cheaper than hacking the NSA, even though Guccifer may be working on the latter anyway. But Vlad needs to keep Julian amused while he is still holing up in the embassy for he can be useful again. Finally, the two and their staff can end the meeting with a joint communique denouncing the Deep State 's nefarious involvement in Pussy Riot activities in Moscow.
Bos (Boston)
Ha ha, the special guest has already made preliminary request... What would the DOJ do and how would the GOP react if Trump agrees? Russia Seeks Release of Woman Accused of Being Covert Agent https://nyti.ms/2O5YLgZ
Bruce Rozenblit (Kansas City, MO)
You know what? If the Republican base was polled on this essay, at least 80% would say they approve of it. That's how messed up this nation is right now. Think about it.
Mary Ann Donahue (NYS)
And you know what Bruce Rozenblit, one of the reasons the Republican base would approve of this essay is Ms. Dowd mentioned "Crooked Hillary" three times but without quotation marks which would have indicated she was being sarcastic or ironic. Instead, true to form, she continues to diss Hillary
JS (Minnetonka, MN)
@Bruce Rozenblit 70% of the 80% would need someone to read it to them.
DaveD (Wisconsin)
@Mary Ann Donahue Trump is making up this agenda the way the column's written and he certainly wouldn't place crooked Hillary in quotes.
NA (NYC)
If the Washington Nationals are still playing when Putin visits, they can go to a few ballgames together and take turns throwing out the first journalist.
NA (NYC)
...followed by a visit to the Spy Museum, where they buy each other his-and-his “Deny Everything” t-shirts (a real item, and apparently a best-seller).
Socrates (Downtown Verona. NJ)
The common thread in Donnie Treason's truly-madly-deeply love affair with Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping, Recep Erdoğan and other award-winning authoritarian dictators is their utter contempt for democracy and free and fair elections. Nothing offends Donald, the Republican Party and authoritarian psychopathic control freaks more than the will of the people. The reason Donald has broken into the White House...the reason the House of Representatives and the Supreme Court are all stolen property in 2018 is because the Grand Old Pirates have worked hard to suppress and rig the American vote through 'law', voter purges, gaslighting, FBI office manipulation, hate radio, fake news, Grand Old Propaganda and hiring the Kremlin for treasonous campaign assistance. (The Senate and Electoral College are undemocratic by Constitutional design and have transmogrified into Republican dreams and unrepresentative American nightmares). So when white male Christian nationalist fascist dictatorship comes to town in the form of Vladimir Putin this fall, and tens of millions of white Christian nationalist Republicans cheer the Russian Czar as Donald Makes Russia Great Again while shredding every American ideal and common good in sight, American citizens who still remember what country they're from should consider that making Trumpistan the newest Soviet satellite republic is not quite what George Washington and his troops had in mind when they crossed the Delaware. November 6 2018 Vote
Larry Eisenberg (Medford, MA.)
@Socrates A brilliant phillipic! May I point out: Family ties I'm now imputin' Was Putin at one time Rasputin?
Steve (Los Angeles)
@Socrates Vote, vote for who? Vote for the like of Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio, and other Donald Trump stooges etc. and we'll just have more of what we've got now.
Richard (Stateline, NV)
@Socrates Save the Constitutional Republic by destroying the Constitution? Can’t win elections to have your way? Just overthrow the government in the name of “the People”! You will discover just how wise the Framers were and why there is a 2nd Amendment! Bon Appetite!
Janet (Salt Lake City, UT)
Ms. Dowd, you used too many words. Trump does not have a big vocabulary and he certainly could not spell "naïve."
Steve (SW Mich)
and I noticed she purposely mis-spelled COLUSION. That was appropriate.
Anthony Pierulla (San Antonio Texas)
DJT spells it “natitiviy”.
Lew Fournier (Kitchener)
Dowd may have written parody, but she is unnervingly close to the truth.
Sir Reginald V. Wedge (Bellingham)
We must turn this parody into an objective truth.
Anna (Germany)
Unfortunately deep down she still endorses him.
JT FLORIDA (Venice, FL)
You forgot one, Ms. Dowd: 11:55 PM: “Comrade Putin, just let me know how I can help you in fixing, I mean influencing, our November elections.”
NM (NY)
...And at the end of this day of kissing up to Putin, Trump will remark, "Obama wouldn't have treated you so royally, your highness. He was a weak leader!"
lechrist (Southern California)
Well said. Scarily entertaining. And unthinkable just two years ago, God help us.
NM (NY)
Trump used to say that Putin was a "strong leader," whereas President Obama was a "weak leader." Similarly, Pence claimed that Putin was a stronger leader than was President Obama in their respective countries. Both statements were inane, considering that only Putin is a ruthless dictator. However, we do see now that Putin is a stronger leader in the United States than Trump will ever be.
Rima Regas (Southern California)
As the nation obsesses over trying to figure out what it is that Vladimir Putin has on Trump, our time would be much better spent understanding why. Trump, in the end, is only one chess piece on Putin’s board. It is quite clear from the bits and pieces that have been revealed of Robert Mueller’s investigation, Putin’s operation doesn’t stop at installing his own mole president. Putin had his GRU work very hard to corrupt many elected Republicans over the last few years. So, why? “Above all, we should acknowledge that the collapse of the Soviet Union was a major geopolitical disaster of the century. As for the Russian nation, it became a genuine drama. Tens of millions of our co-citizens and co-patriots found themselves outside Russian territory. Moreover, the epidemic of disintegration infected Russia itself.” Vladimir Putin, April 2005 This is mostly about payback, with a healthy dose of oligarchy mixed in. What Putin has done isn’t a case of getting lucky and catching Trump on a pee-pee tape during a business trip to Moscow. Jon Huntsman, Mike Pompeo, John Kelly and Dan Coats, need to stop thinking that their departures will trigger a catastrophe. The catastrophe is already well under way. Leaving Trump will hasten his demise. Staying will only prolong a process that is inevitable. If these men have an ounce of honor left in them, they should resign. Now. --- https://www.rimaregas.com/2018/07/19/facing-treason-trump-appointees-sho...
hen3ry (Westchester, NY)
@Rima Regas, Well said. At this point it's Trump who is the main danger to our national security.
Rima Regas (Southern California)
@hen3ry Thanks! Understanding why this is happening is key to correctly assessing the magnitude of what is happening. Merely hanging things on Trump's considerable greed masks the multitude of approaches and the length of time this Russian attempt at destabilization of the US has been going on. Trump is one chess piece.
Beyond Liberal (Benton County, OR)
@Rima Regas Trump is a chess king. One step in any direction without adequate protection ends in checkmate or stalemate. Putin is queen and much more strategic to the game.
Look Ahead (WA)
There will be a few more items on the unpublished part of the itinerary: 1. Coordinate denials on the Steele Dossier. Trump has had a problem contradicting himself and increasing suspicions that he is hiding something, actually a lot of somethings. 2. Work out a priority list of countries to be annexed by Russia to restore the Empire, as well as the justification for each, like having some Russian speaking people or nice properties for new hotels. 3. Review Russian ideas for getting Flynn, Manafort, Gates, Cohen, Papadopoulus, Sessions and others out of the country to a safe location before they do something dumb, like testify for Mueller. 4. Plan out the 2020 Campaign with Brad Parscale, conference in the team from NRA, Facebook, Koch, Mercers, Qatar and Saudi Arabia. Very important visit, so much to be done.
hoops24 (mill valley)
Well done Mo, However, an adjustment to the "Executive Time" itinerary. There are some people who tell me - credible sources - people who know these things - smart people - that Trump is actually running the Trump Organization business from 8:00 am to 11:00 am. My sources tell me that he spends the morning on his private phone for three hours making important calls to keep the business running smoothly. My people tell me that he doesn't believe that his sons can do the job. I am hearing that Trump is seeking Bad Vlad's advice on and approval of future joint ventures, bring a new level of MAGA - Russia collaboration. So Mo, a your itinerary for the White House visit needs some tweaking.
S Norris (London)
@hoops24 If as they say, Trump does not use a secure phone, presumably these conversations are recorded somewhere? And if its not a secure phone, not subject to that 50 year rule about releasing them? Ahhhh and the other thing...he is, no doubt giving a heads up to his billionaire buddies on things he is planning (like tariffs) and other things so that they can take advantage of exected market fluctuations. I would like to see who has invested in Soyabean futures, for example....the ultimate insider trading. Trump is nothing more than a carpetbagger....
NM (NY)
What, no time for Putin to review his annual expectations for Trump?
NM (NY)
11:00 P.M. - Trump extends his hand to Vlad and says, "Now, President Putin, our friendship is the height of very special, and I can count on you not to tape me like that two-faced Michael Cohen, right?".
Brad (Oregon)
It was abundantly clear during the campaign that Trump was an unstable narcissist and completely unqualified for the Presidency. The question for Mo is why did you support him?
stu freeman (brooklyn)
@Brad: An unstable GENIUS narcissist.
Ellen (NYC)
@Brad I have constantly made comments to the Times, the content asking Mo to address this point to her readers. Not one was published. Again I ask Mo to tell us why she supported a man that would jail women for getting an abortion among other issues.
M Wilson (VA)
Because she likes 'operatic personalities,' if you recall.
Diana (Centennial)
What a nightmare for our FBI and CIA to guard the man they have been guarding against. I am certain there will have to be a major de-bugging operation in the White House (or wherever Putin and Trump go) after the meeting between the former KGB agent and his wannabe just like him companion. For all the fake foaming at the mouth some Republicans are doing, they will probably fall all over themselves to be introduced privately to the man who gave them the president of their dreams to thank him personally. With Trump everything on their wish list is getting fulfilled: More tax cuts for the wealthy; de-regulation of everything from clean air to clean water to banking; the ACA has effectively been put on life support; and the prize they have been after forever - a soon to be conservative SCOTUS majority. So while the Republicans will feign outrage at the very idea of Putin visiting the U.S. at the invitation of the president, they are almost as beholden to Putin as Trump is for the largesse he has provided them. Of course with Trump, he is probably beholden to Putin for whatever sensitive information he has regarding him. The very idea that we are supposed to make welcome to the U.S. the man instrumental in interfering with the 2016 election which gave us the egotistical blowhard unable of self control occupying the White House, turns my stomach. The invitation to Putin to meet in the U.S. near the midterm election is Trump's ultimate indecent gesture to this country.
two cents (Chicago)
@Diana Million-Plus Person March on D.C. for date of father figure's arrival? Nothing would make Trump madder.
beth reese (nyc)
@Diana Secret Servics assigned to our SCPOTUS. Rumor has it that he is rude and dismissive of them-and their job is, heaven help them, to lose their lives in order to protect his.
Diana (Centennial)
@two cents Great idea!!!!
Ladbyron (Santa Fe)
I'm guessing we can't issue an extradition request for Putin himself? If only we could do that, what a warm welcome we could give him this Fall!
Paul Wortman (Providence, RI)
The actual reality, rather than Reality (aka "Fake") News, is all-too-frightening to contemplate. We have an American President who "unmasked" himself as an "Emperor with no clothes" by openly betraying his country in front of the man who, it now seems more likely than not, successfully employed cyber-warfare attacks on our nation to elect Donald Trump and put him in The White House. Now, of course, he's getting the personal tour due any such kleptocrat of the property he helped to seize. We may have had appeasement in Helsinki ala Neville Chamberlain; now we will have the reprise of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Non-Aggression Pact and, as you note, the re-enactment of the 1938 Munich Agreement, this time ceding Crimea to Russia. Then the Marine band will strike up a rousing rendition of "Peace in our time" while vodka and caviar and secrets are shared by all. Meanwhile Russian tanks, artillery, and "green men" are getting ready to roll into the Baltic states and perhaps that pesky little nation called Montenegro that's not worth defending anyway. August and September are coming and we all (should) know how that worked out in 1914 and 1939. Thank God for NATO, the last bastion, once again, of our deadbeat defenders of democracy.
R. Law (Texas)
But Mo, you forgot a couple things: 5:55 AM - Practice with Melania that she is not not not to look like she's in the presence of Evil personified when she meets Pootie THIS time. 1:45 PM - While driving around D.C., show Jared's Powerpoint presentation of Oligarch Enhancement for me and Pootie once I'm out of office; be sure to show Plan B, in case Pootie 'converts' his title into Tsar. 11:49 PM - Meet Paul Manafort and Mariia Butina after I secretly pardoned them earlier in the day, so they can fly back to Moscow with Pootie.
ChristineMcM (Massachusetts)
good point about Melania--I also noted that dazzling smile on meeting Putin turn to huge scowl as soon as she thought the camera was off, but it wasn't, capturing that moment perfectly. I've seen her turn it on, then off when Trump turns away, which I always find hilarious.
R. Law (Texas)
@Christine - She looked like her blood had just turned ice cold, didn't she; like she wanted to run run run ?
mother of two (IL)
@ChristineMcM As someone from a former Communist country, I've always puzzled over what Melania must think of Trump's infatuation w/ Putin. It cannot sit well with her.
ChristineMcM (Massachusetts)
Quite over the top, but maybe not that far from the truth, alas. I had to google Kimberly Guilfoyle, who just left FOX, under or not under her own volition. Not being a Trumpie (understatement!), I was unaware she was dating Don Jr., after passing on Scaramoucci (or vice versa). She's sure a glutton for punishment. The only thing you left out, Maureen, was a flight on Air Force 1 to Mar a Lago or Bedminster, to play a round. Would Vlad be perturbed to learn Donald routinely cheats at golf, does it just go with the territory for these two? At the Aspen Security Forum, I was amused when talk of the soccer ball Putin threw to Trump turned to whether or not it was bugged. It made me think of one of those early post-election SNL episodes around Christmas '16 where Vlad comes down the chimney shirtless to present Trump a little set of Russian Nesting Dolls for his mantle--taking care to place it just so. Also you forgot to add an actual meeting with Robert Mueller (as well as Wray, and Rosenstein, as witnesses) where the two could be finger-printed together, like teenage "besties" Isn't what that what FLOTUS was trying to push as part of her anti-cyber bullying efforts, "Be Best"? I can't think of anyone more appropriate than these two to design it for.
Kathy Lollock (Santa Rosa, CA)
@ChristineMcM - Kimberly G was once married to Gavin Newsom when he was mayor of SF. It was both of their firsts. (His second marriage is very solid.) The Guilfoyle family is big in the city. In fact, during "pre-historic days" I went to the same high school as her aunts or maybe even mother. And, yes, she is dating Don, Jr. They are made for each other if you know what I mean...
gemli (Boston)
The good news is, we no longer have to fear for America’s future. It doesn’t have one. The president has steered the ship of state into the rocks, and that’s all she wrote. There’s something prophetic about the president giving Vladimir Putin a peek behind the curtain. We witnessed an iron one crumble in Germany just a couple of decades ago, and now we’re watching one being built in the U.S.A. It’s natural that a brutal, repressive and power-hungry murderer should drop by to check out the work. Putin in the White House is one of those perverse metaphors that the universe is so fond of creating. It lets us know that every democracy is just a few votes away from its demise. You’d think it would happen slowly, over a long stretch of bad presidents, ignorant voters and corrupt Congressional time-servers. But no! It can happen in a blink. Suddenly, health care is gone, tax revenue dries up, the climate experiences projectile vomiting, the Supreme Court makes living in the real world illegal and the first polygamist president occupies the seat of power with a bevy of porn stars sitting on his lap. Missing from Ms. Dowd’s timeline is what happens after midnight. The president gets into his Romper Room PJs and snuggles under the covers. Putin comes in, wearing a speedo. The lights go out, simultaneously, throughout the whole country. Goodbye, America. It's been good to know you. Putin's the man of the family now. https://youtu.be/6Ya-FGHdBso
Loriandre (USA)
@gemli . Requiem for America. The saddest thing: the American experiment in democracy didn't even make it to 250 years . A mere blink in history, perhaps a few hundred years from now we'll be thought of like Camelot or Atlantis.
Sir Reginald V. Wedge (Bellingham)
@gemli Absolutely spot on, gemli! The smart money knows that America -- the United States of-- is washed up. A lot will be chatted about by the chattering classes between now and the 2020 Election, but primarily we are just waiting for the armies of the night (China and Russia) to land on America's beaches in a pincer movement between the Pacific and Atlantic. No one expected this failed "experiment" in "democracy" to last 250 years anyway. The American infrastructure was built by the Founders to be frail, fragile, vulnernable, easy to sabotage, easily assailed by foreign entities and non-state actors. There are entire cadres of insurgents pocketed all around and across America just waiting for signals from China and Russia. To paraphrase what was said in "The Sting," "We're not as tough as we think we are."
Nightwood (MI)
@gemli And may their tongues be forever entwined.
Paul A Myers (Corona del Mar CA)
An amusing tour through the beliefs and rituals of the alt-universe of the alt-right and that Trump's actual view of reality is itself a parody of the real world.
Larry Eisenberg (Medford, MA.)
That Friend is special: Oh dear how Donald is beset The CIA disagrees yet With Putin tête à têtes His unhappy Fates Bind him in a tough tightening net. Double negatives are such a chore And using them a blasted bore, Sorely misunderstood, Though his motives were good, And he’s patriotic to the core. He would send Intelligence packing Though good advice is sorely lacking, Feeling Mueller’s hot breath Like an impending death, His confidence is slowly cracking.
DW (Philly)
@Larry Eisenberg - Brilliant, Larry, and I sure hope you're right (that he's cracking!)
tom (boston)
@Larry Eisenberg Larry: brilliant, as usual: How do you do it?
DaveD (Wisconsin)
@tom Easy given the material he has to work with.
Dotconnector (New York)
And they'll certainly find plenty of time to chortle about what suckers the American people and their elected officials are for not using every means in our legal, governmental and political systems to demand that the president's tax returns be made public. Especially in the wake of so much traitorous behavior. "Follow the Russian money" ought to be a no-brainer, yet 18 months into this presidency (and a full three years after the announcement of candidacy), all there has been is winking and nodding and stonewalling and disingenuous claptrap instead of serving the people's right to know. We can only hope that the Mueller investigation, or perhaps the ones involving the Trump family and fixer Michael Cohen in New York, will finally shed light on precisely why Vladimir Putin owns Donald Trump. And why our quisling in chief is so shamelessly servile in the presence of the world's foremost anti-American thug. Meanwhile, President Trump will continue to dazzle us with his acrobatic skills -- somehow managing to lay prostrate while standing up. Or, to be exact, cowering. All the while driving each and every news cycle with a torrent of bewildering tweets and jaw-dropping flip-flops. See you at the Russia-like militaristic parade in Washington this fall, everybody. Such a coincidence that Putin and Trump like the same things, isn't it?
scarrie3 (North Carolina)
@Dotconnector - Indeed, as a veteran, I've focused on advocating for protest at Trump's militaristic parade since he announced it. This draft-dodger convening a Veteran's Day parade takes its place among Trump's other most-depraved atrocities, including his birther deception, fraudulent university, McCain-trashing, and baby-jailing. We need a national reaction as strong as the 2017 Women's March.
Casual Observers (Los Angeles)
Trump evidently thinks that he can make deals with Putin and seeks another meeting to clarify issues which he did not address thoroughly in the last meeting. The remark about Putin’s offer of reciprocal interrogations of each other’s countries’ government officials was a startling tell that Trump was confused while Putin was not. Trump is an unwitting intelligence asset of Putin because he is an unwitting person who indulges in the notion that his brain works best uncluttered by a lot of undigested new facts. Putin soaks up all the relevant facts that he can and works out his plans in preparation. Putin has successfully charmed previous Presidents in person but alienated them by his actions, later, indicates a wily individual who studies others and makes his plans before he encounters them. Trump thinks that his intuitions and impressions upon encountering people will direct his judgments well enough without thinking through what to do in advance. If Putin accepts this new invitation, Trump had better include others, or he is going to be manipulated by Putin and will likely repeat still another unserious proposal which he has taken as genuine helpfulness.
Agnate (Canada)
@Casual Observers Can you imagine how Putin will use the various pictures he will get of himself in the Oval Office and at various important sites in Washington. I think of how he made all the leaders at the G7 hunch over him trying to get his attention and know that he will let Putin stand tall beside him.
Walter Rhett (Charleston, SC)
A draft view of a Democratic narrative against Trump. It dovetails with Socialist/Progressive/Justice/Establishment Democratic solutions.) We knew something weird and offensive was wrong with Trump. We knew the White House would turn his manic sprees into fugue states. His oppositional-defiant personality, long evident with its extreme narcissism, would harden on praise and blood price for wholly inappropriate things. Aside from him, no President ever endorsed teen stalkers and rapists for high office, hired a domestic abuser with 2 cases on his White House security report, and nominated federal judges who never tried or case. Self-proclaimed, he is the first President to pay for non-existent sex. His irrationality and chaos are predictable, along with his hatred of people of color and women. Chaos and hate spin like clockwork through every tentacle of his government, predictably present as lies, corruption, resource and human destruction. At the nexus of global white supremacy, Trump is bent on establishing security that denies the principles of liberty, equality, merit, and safety, and micro-acts of respect and tolerance, and his government agents are engaged in attacks that use lethal and non-lethal force, without public review. Here, he and Putin agree, NATO must fall, and he must pay back the oligarchs. A oath-repeating white supremacist, Trump puts the law above morality, and himself above the law. White supremacy is white power. We unite to stop it.
Jojojo (Nevada)
@Walter Rhett You are right. Trump must be stopped. He is the worst case scenario for everything that America would ever encounter. He is the worst. Trump must go. He is just a man. He is no greater than any other man. Although those almond eyes are so beautiful, we must relax ourselves and know that America, all the way back to John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, dictates that we persist in our struggle to make this experiment work. Trump is the disease within the American experiment that we must defeat or else relegate ourselves into nothingness. All life, all philosophy, repugnant. We will win. Because Stupidity's got no choice in the matter. Vote!
Eli (RI)
@Walter Rhett is Puting Trump the Fossil Fuel Axis of Evil?
A. Stanton (Dallas, TX)
The Deep State Paranoia is everywhere now. Yes, it flourishes mostly among Trump supporters for whom it is the foundation stone of all of their political thinking, but never-Trumpers like Maureen and myself are not immune. Just this morning, I found myself wondering whether Putin has secretly installed a radio transmitter in Trump’s brain or dental fillings or otherwise brainwashed him in accord with procedures laid down in The Manchurian Candidate. The truth is that Trump is merely an extremely stupid man, greedy for power, bedeviled by feelings of inferiority who will easily be brought down as soon as a few Republicans rediscover their patriotism and do the right thing.
nora m (New England)
@A. Stanton What evidence do you have that any Republicans will discover, let alone rediscover, their patriotism (they wear that on their lapel; what more do you want?) and "do the right thing." They are doing the "right" thing, far, far right. They are now so far right, they are in bed with Russia!
A. Stanton (Dallas, TX)
@nora m You have a point. Mine essentially was we must never give up hope.
pixilated (New York, NY)
@A. Stanton I wish I shared your optimism about the Republicans, but as your Dallas News recently reported, quite a few GOP senators, particularly the number one recipient Mitch McConnell, received millions of dollars from Russian oligarchs and their proxies. Perhaps they were unaware of the specifics or the larger picture, but a patriot upon discovering dangerous contributions even if after the fact would come clean and then forcefully disassociate himself from the obvious repercussions of a wider pattern of interference.
Sage613 (NJ)
Am I the only one who does not find Maureen Dowd funny? At the most crucial time in our history, the weeks leading to the election of Trump, she was fully on board as a Hillary hater and Trump stenographer. She had a bully pulpit, and used it to help defeat Trump's opponent. While the mixed bag of racists, opportunists, and wealthy who voted for Trump could care less what Dowd thinks, she could have been sounding an alarm bell in the night rather than preparing the way for his victory.
Paul Smith (Austin, TX)
@Sage613 Exactly how I feel!
MB Smith (Central NJ)
@Sage613 Agree not funny! Each time I've seen a copy of that handshake, I see a thought balloon over Mr P. saying "always remember, I own you"
Mgaudet (Louisiana )
@Sage613 I'm with you, little humor here in the disgracing of our country..
Ed Op (Toronto)
Well, that’s cute and fun and all, but why not take a shot at what is actually going to happen? Like how Trump’s going to back out of NATO, crush the economies of countries not named Russia by means of a trade war, continue to undermine democracy in the US and democratic countries in general and generally undermine the post-WWII order? We’re in perilous waters here: there is very real potential for truly cataclysmic change ahead. Think about it: if the US is no longer the counter to Russia, what stands in Russia’s way? Worse, what if the US decides acting like Russia is actually kinda fun? Taking broad shots at Trump’s idiocy is understandable but it falls short of the point. We’re facing the end of democracy.
Darwinia (New York)
@Ed Op We focus so much on Trumps lies and feeding the fear and hatred of many Americans. Yet none seem to realize how in the meantime his congress passes devastating bills like the reversals of climate change, possible reversal of Roe vs Wade, possibly leaving the NATO, that Putin hates. His tax cuts that will NOT benefit the average American including the middle class after 2025. This is clever on his part. His appointees to the supreme court alone will help him eventually, if unchecked, to be the dictator and tyrant he wants to be and will become. His teacher is Putin, Erdogan, the Saudies, Natanyahu. North Koreas dictator. All of them use force to get rid of those who disagree with them. Whether in their own party, on the court, Lawyers, Free press, etc. Do I need to go on?
rick (Lake County IL)
I remember recent episodes of Homeland where a Senator was referred by the enemy, Russia, as 'useful idiot.' I pray for the Nation that the fiction of the TV series does not apply to our chief executive.
Jim Muncy (& Tessa)
@Ed Op It's still nice to laugh when you're at the front lines awaiting the next attack.
Dikoma Shungu (New York City)
By unveiling the indictment of 12 GRU operatives and briefing Trump about it just ahead of the "Surrender in Helsinki", the DoJ and Mueller had tried to send a clear message to Trump: "Putin is neither your friend nor a friend of America. We've just indicted 12 of his military intelligence operatives. You should consider canceling your meeting with him in protest, as any prior US president would have done under the circumstances." Well, we know what Trump did. He not only went ahead with the meeting, but proceeded to be a total disgrace as Putin's poodle, while selling out America in front of the whole world. Incredibly, in spite of the almost unanimously negative reception and press that his disgraceful performance got, even among many of his sycophants, Trump is doubling down and inviting the enemy for an up-close and personal view of the system that he's helping him dismantle! Anyone who believes it makes sense to invite Putin to the White House after Helsinki is a psychopath and a traitor. That is why I firmly believe that the DoJ and Mr. Mueller are not going to give Trump the opportunity to disgrace America again, on her own soil. I believe Mueller will reveal whatever case he has against Trump and/or his associates (even indicting Putin!) to prevent Trump's "Fall Folly in Washington" from taking place. That Putin and Trump now seem to be on accelerated schedule to destroy the West and its alliances is tipping Mueller hand...he will act soon.
DMS26 (Orlando )
I hope you’re right!
luria (san francisco)
@Dikoma Shungu Mueller is not Robin Hood or the Lone Ranger. He doesn't coordinate in the way you describe.
JSS (Austin, TX)
As part of Trump’s strategy to dominate world leaders, and everyone else, he always addresses people by their first name: Justin from Canada, and, unbelievably, Shinzo, from Japan. Yet he always calls Putin, President Putin... never a Vlad or Vladimir to be heard. It’s remarkably telling, in my view.
Doug McKenna (Boulder Colorado)
If the soccer ball were gold-plated that might be a good thing. Many modern professional soccer balls contain electronic signal generating equipment, like bluetooth, in order that referees can know whether a ball is in or out of a goal or field line. But such electronics could be easily repurposed towards converting information in sound waves in some Trump room to radio waves. Look up what Theremin designed for the Russian spies when they presented a plaque to the US as a gift, back in the day. Gold-plating the thing might create a Faraday cage to prevent any radio signals from exiting it. Perhaps a reporter at the NY Times can find out whether the CIA/NSA/etc. has examined Putin's soccer ball "gift" for any FSB (KGB inspired) "enhancements."
Max from Mass (Boston)
@Doug McKenna Image how absurd your suggestion that Putin's soccer ball gift to Trump might contain "enhancements" would have seemed in any other presidency, even among the most corrupt Harding Republicans. In a Trump regime its frighteningly not absurd. Taking us to a new low as a nation is how Trump does what he does best. Perhaps even more dishearteningly real, you don't mention it, but do you expect that Trump would actually allow your suggestion that any of the 17 agencies that make up the U.S. intelligence community to examine Putin's gift? And, would the Republican politicians who've pledged to uphold the Constitution do anything more than offer mealy-mouthed nothings in response to Trump's indifference to them? . . . to change from showing how their fear of loss of their sinecure jobs far outweighs their sense of duty and loyalties as Americans? Unlikely.
michael kittle (vaison la romaine, france)
For those Americans who thought time would heal Trump injuries to their country, things only seem to be getting worse. Appeasing a bully never works in the long run which is why Trump appeasing Republicans are only delaying the inevitable and the necessary removal of Trump from the White House. The damage Trump is incurring to Western alliances may become permanent and not bounce back just because Trump is finally gone. As an expatriate , I wish my fellow Americans good luck in saving the country. As a retiree, I don't have enough time left on earth to wait for a positive renewal from Trump, so I choose to live out my life with my fellow retirees in Provence!
Jackson (Southern California)
@michael kittle Provence, you say. Luck you! I know many retirees, including myself, who wish we had the means to do the same. Witnessing the Trump nightmare play out in close quarters is certainly not how I had hoped to spend my final years.
Caroline (Los Angeles)
@michael kittle You've made the right decision to leave this god forsaken country. I envy you for being in Provence.
Wim Kemper (Castricum The Netherlands)
Dowd’s article and all commentaries demonstrate how focussed so many are on your president, his character and his incompetence. Nothing of this is new. One can argue that it was why he was elected and still has the support of his base including Republicans in Congress. So, what is wrong in the mind, character and moral values of the USA electorate? Trump may be easy prey for opinions but the real problem is the mindset of the electorate. That is your real challenge and admittedly, it is hard work.
Janet (Key West)
@Wim Kemper "so what is wrong in the mind, character and moral values of the USA electorate?" A very important question but the NYT doesn't give enough email space to answer that question fully. Trump was elected by a minority of people living in key areas of the country. The constitutional framers did not trust the electorate to select the "best" so there is a special organizational body that elects the president after the people have spoken. And this is what we get. What is surprising is that even with this electoral debacle, there is no movement to amend the constitution to eliminate the "Electoral College." As one US citizen, I apologize to the world for the mess Trump has made. World - please hang in there and we will right things in the next election.
nfahr (Tucson, Arizona)
@Wim Kemper Yes,you are absolutely correct to focus on the mind and moral values of Trump's electorate. But please remember that Hillary received more votes than Trump, and there is an upwelling of anti-Trump support gaining traction. All is not lost. Quite yet. Quite yet.
Lorel (Idyllwild, CA)
@Wim Kemper Yes, indeed. Trump, in lambasting "political correctness," released the inner bully of millions of voting Americans. How do you ever appease a bully who has been allowed out into the public square to say and actually do what has been kept "under the hood" for so long? I was taught in school that democracy was a grand experiment; it has bumped and stumbled its way along, with high ideals but a dirty corrupt underbelly of slavery and racism since its inception. Now, the pot is being stirred without concern for consequences and I'm afraid the pot will boil over before too long.