I moved to Decatur, a liberal town on the border of Atlanta, a year ago and immediately jumped in to building social connections. Once unpacked, I held an open house for my neighbors where I met one of my now closest friends. I found a volunteer opportunity at a nearby community garden, and took a continuing ed class at nearby Emory University. To learn about the city I've done walking tours through Urban Explorers of Atlanta, and joined their social spin-off that does monthly lunches and mystery dinners. It's all been fun, and it works!
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My husband and I recently relocated, for the ninth time. But now we are retired. It's so much harder to meet people this time, and this is a rural area. We joined the town's historical society, attend meetings, and volunteer as needed. No, we don't have the historical connection to this community, but so what? We live here now! And friendships are starting to form, slowly. But meanwhile, it gives us something to do. Meanwhile, I am looking for a local writers group for me, and if I don't find one, I'll approach the library about starting one. Sometimes you have to do it yourself. And maybe I'll find a needlework group. My husband may find or teach a photography class as well. About 30 years ago, when we were parents of young children, he would pull out his RC cars and run them in the cul de sac and suddenly we met all our neighbors! Think outside your comfort zone a little bit.
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Check out local service clubs -- Rotary is my choice -- to provide brief weekly meetings, usually around a meal, opportunities to do good in your current locale and in the world, and a built-in posse. The time commitment is yours to decide upon, and the opportunities for fellowship and leadership are many.
6
In a word, Volunteer. Every community has numerous opportunities to volunteer: Habitat for Humanity, Save the Sea Turtles, tutor children. Many many more, according to your interests.
18
Isn't nice to read something that isn't focused on politics and hate?
On the other hand, if you are planning to make that move to a strange new place - for an employment opportunity - please research well.
There are communities in America - entire states - that I consider off limits for travel, let alone living. Those places are dangerous and filled with people who wrap hate with flags and religious hypocrisy.
I have known may folks who have relocated to communities where they were afraid to speak. A casual political reference at grocery store or a pub led to being blackballed. A particular friend who lived in a "Western state" said he felt so lonely and isolated. The only person he knew who that he could discuss the news of the day with was his plumber.
And that being said, I would always choose "place" over "profession". That's where I would find kindred souls - friends with similar values about humanity and the Earth.
Be careful out there.
16
Wow! You consider entire states off limits?! Have you built your bunker yet? There's a lot to be learned by living with & getting to know people who don't share your politics. Try it. You might be surprised. You might find that more people than you think share your core values & goals, they just have different ideas about how to get there.
14
When I moved to the US at age 47, alone, I had no idea how difficult it would be to create a circle of friends. I knew all the things I had to do, I did them, and still do them but I have found that as people get older mostly they can't be bothered reciprocating or making any effort to develop new relationships. I think the 'children/dog/religion' triad is a pretty good way to meet people, but what if you're a single, childless, non-dog-loving atheist? Honestly I think this article is concentrating on a group that have it pretty easy in the social stakes.
22
It seems most of the tips described in the article would be fairly universal in their application since they do no rely on liking animals, being in a relationship, or having a religious affiliation.
3
Much easier said than done and especially at age 22. At that time, people are still looking for a mate, residence, job/occupation. It differs when one is older. One can move anyplace on earth but that does not mean they will speak the language, assimilate, be accepted or have anything in common with the natives. Beware of where you move, you may regret it.
18
To be young, privileged and white,
Oh, what a lovely precious dream
With all the blabbery about diversity in politicians, education, etc. in the times and the deluge of "needy cases" featuring people of color--maybe, just maybe extend these "everyday people" dealing with life stories to include a tad more variety.
I'll give you a hint on why:
old people, people with dependent kids or adults, people of color, poor people will have stories about moves that will be more complex, relatable, ... possibly interesting.
39
Also: join a church, temple or mosque. I know this is not a choice for everyone but it’s a ready made community.
16
Maybe it's because life was different when I graduated college in '81 that I find it interesting that new grads need input on how to make friends when moving to a new place. It always seemed obvious to me to find groups where I shared something in common. No, it's not easy, especially in a busier world where people (esp. the younger generation) connect more easily online than in person. I definitely think technology has impaired some people from developing those skills as I see from working in behavioral health with college age and young adults.
One area not explored here - and I understand it's not an interest of many - is church. When I moved to LA post-college, I found a large church where it was easy to make friends because of our shared spiritual interests and the church held social outings - people got to know each other and good friendships formed outside church activities. Probably the best place I've found to make friends, same here in NYC. Also, my college alumni groups have been another good place to make friends.
I do think NYC is the most challenging place I've lived in terms of making friends, but they've always come from participating in groups as well as developing friendships with industry colleagues.
9
The article does mention churches as well as alumni groups.
You're right, it does, but in mere passing, hence my oversight.
Moving to a new city was no easier in my 20s when I accepted my first job than it was when I relocated in my late 20s, my early 30s, or my mid-40s. While there is much good info here, I wish the reporter and editor had decided to look beyond the 20something crowd and focus more on the kind of people who read and subscribe to this paper (says the grumpy GenXer journalist).
35
I agree with you, Scott, but why stop at the 40's? When I was 70 my husband and I moved across the country to be closer to our granddaughter. Enough said!
27
Two areas the article didn't touch on - which I found to be great sources of new friendships - are churches/religious organizations and college alumni associations.
Some of my dearest friends have been made from those groups and they're everywhere (maybe not alum groups unless you're in a larger city). I get that churches aren't everyone's interest, but to overlook that - along with college alum groups - is to overlook two areas that work for many people. I know many 20 somethings in NYC who've moved here knowing no-one - and they immediately found "home" in churches and their college alum groups.
I think these types of groups are great sources. I think it does take more work these days - at any age - to develop friendships so it takes a lot more effort.
6
I just did this at 27. Granted, I had a small group of college friends to serve as a jumping-off point, but my social life was not nearly as robust as it was in my hometown.
I would add two pieces of advice that are a little more inward facing:
1. Don't be afraid to do it alone. Do not let the fact that you cannot find someone to go with stop you from doing things you want to do.
2. Learn to be lonely. I think a lot of people put pressure on themselves to make friends, and friends are very important! (Which is why this article was written.) But you will feel a lot more relaxed if you find something you love to fill those planless Friday nights that happen sometimes.
Cheers!
50
Yes! So true, and well said!
2
Well, isn't this cute and chic and oh-so-young. What about retirees who move to a completely new place as they downsize, or find themselves priced out of a former location? Talk about how a boomer can make new connections in a strange town. It's as if only kids move to a new city after college. Quite a narrow view.
74
Meetup isn't just for kids; I'm over 50 and have joined a choral group, a book club, and a casual cycling group all found through meetup in the past couple of years. My kids are off to college and my interests have changed so I found myself in need of some new adventures and faces.
Other things that work in my area: classes, volunteering, go to a dog park (borrow a dog if needed).
19
Exactly what is wrong in our society today: the "what about me" attitude. There have been plenty of articles about retirees...try a Google search.
And before you start slamming the young people in this article as "cute and chic and oh-so-young" actually read the article. They are not high flying investment bankers earning six figures. Entry level jobs...some working two jobs.
I appreciated the article. It reminds me of a lifetime ago when I moved to NYC after graduation and tried to find my way. Thank you, NY Times.
39
LexDad, the headline said nothing about recent college grads. I assumed it offered advice for a situation that unfortunately applies to numerous people of all ages. "just someone"'s comment thus reflects a failure of Times editors more than selfishness.
tcamp's suggestions are useful in theory; but I've found they aren't adequate in practice. Meetup groups usually meet monthly, which is not sufficient for friendships to form. Members usually don't attend consistently. And just as with classes and volunteering, people are too busy to linger. As soon as it's over, they rush out the door to the next item on their calendars.
As it's very rare for anyone to offer me the opportunity to say yes to an invitation, I must be the one who issues the invitations. For example, at the end of meetups, classes, or volunteer sessions, I announce that I'm going to lunch/dinner/coffee at a nearby restaurant and invite everyone to join me. It's very rare that anyone takes me up on my invitation; and when someone does it's usually because they want to sell me something. But sometimes I do meet someone.
Our society doesn't value friendship. It's a low priority, far behind career, primary romantic relationship, and children. It seems that for most people, the only reason for social interaction beyond that is to make money or advance careers. That means there is no simple formula beyond working assiduously and aggressively to overcome the barriers. And even then there are no guarantees.
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