Call or text your Family members, this week. If there's an estrangement, ask yourself why. Can it be fixed ??? As someone that lost my only sibling many years ago, I'm begging people to reach out. While you can.
5
Depression lies. It tells you that the people you love the most would be "better off" without you. It's a shame that Ms. Spade fell for that lie, because her daughter will never recover from this. Ever. It will drape her in a shroud of sadness for the rest of her life.
13
It takes an enormous amount of courage...and fearlessness to stand up and announce that you are dealing with some type of mental illness. Addiction has become easier to own. God bless Betty Ford. But mental illness...fears...anxiety..depression are so very difficult to share. Had Kate Spade been able to stand and
share her issues with all of us, it would be her legacy. She could not. I think most of us understand why. She just couldn’t. RIP Kate.
8
I am convinced that, as a society, we need to win over the perplexing stigma around mental disease. If only this was something that was discussed more openly those afflicted by it would be more likely to seek help and, I suspect, a good number of lives would be saved. We could also expect another benefit: we would be more knowledgeable and we would be bound to say less nonsense which, too often, is downright cruel. Some of the things that have been said about Mr. Spade are, quite simply, outrageous. To the legion of self-righteous, I-got-it-all-together, armchair psychologists out there: if you feel so much compassion for Ms. Spade's daughter, please remember this: she has lost her mother and Mr. Spade is her father. Finally, the contents of Ms. Spade's final note should have never been made public. In disclosing them the media, I fear, missed another opportunity to choose decency over sensationalism.
17
It was also incredibly irresponsible for the media to parrot the wacky estranged sister's "diagnosis" as if she were a licensed MD or PHD psychologist.
And why would the NYPD shared observations about the suicide note with the media before showing it to the family? Someone should be punished for that unprofessional insensitive action.
12
I stand by what I said in a post yesterday which was deleted less than 12 hours later by an editor at the NYTimes: the method, the exact location of her demise and the note should never, ever been printed in this newspaper. I had hoped the NYTimes would not have stooped to the level of sensationalism. I agree with Mr. Spade and too, am appalled that" the private message and the privacy of her family has been invaded.
36
If you are feeling depressed and need help find out if you have access to an Employee Assistance Program at your place of work. You can get free and confidential help that can change your life.
4
I don't think this article belongs under "Fashion and Style" in NYT.com.
This is about health and illness.
To place it here masks its seriousness.
23
It's really a shame that Andy Spade was forced to make any kind of "announcement." He should have had the tender mercies of the public & media to grieve alone for such a shocking loss.
Then I counted 9 — yes, NINE — stories about Ms. Spade on the front page of the Times.
19
I read a comment here the other day by a smart NYT reader who said she should have used Betty Ford as her example and used her struggles for good. I'm NOT saying it's easy, but Betty Ford is now synonymous with care and expert rehabilitation. Most of us have lousy options for depression in the US; she had choices. Yes I have 2 bags, but I don't think that's the story here. John Oliver did a piece on how bad rehab options are and unregulated-- she could have helped others while helping herself, a win win.
Now a 13 year old girl will always have suicide on the table as an option. Post Sylvia Plath 's suicide, her ( adult ?) child committed suicide also.
7
She should have? If she could have she would have. Why is this so hard to grasp?
9
I didn't know Kate Spade nor did I buy anything from her brand. But she is the only one who knows what she was thinking when she ended her life this week. Since then, she has been a) outed by an older sister (estranged from the family) for being bipolar; b) described as a poster woman for depression, mental illness and in some cases a secret alcoholic; c) been defended by her husband who lived separate from her for ten months because they "needed a break" - but who appeared in a bizarre mouse mask to the press this a.m.; e) painted as a cheerful personality who couldn't let anyone know about her secret "demons."
Really? What I see is a woman who made a run at it in life, who was incredibly successful in a difficult industry and who gave up her professional life to be a full-time stay at home mother (which everyone knows can be depressing!) for the last decade. She wanted to make a new brand, this time, not using her husband's name, "Spade."
It must have been terrible for her at the end. And only she knows the whys and wherefores of how that came about. In the meantime, I hope that she has found some peace and isn't looking down at how people are ravaging her memory with their idle speculations.
19
I understand the sadness we all feel in life sometimes. But sometimes it goes beyond sadness to an illness and seeking treatment for it may uncover the differences.
I am sorry for the friends and family who grieve Kate's loss. It is hard to know in what moment things shifted enough for her that she made this fateful decision. She was a vibrant and creative soul who brightened the lives of others but maybe just couldn't brighten her own life in that moment she decided it was time to go.
In a seminar years ago a woman talked about her son's suicide and how she had never been able to resume her life. The speaker asked her if it was tiring carrying her son's body around with her for all these years. It resonated but it's also hard to carry your own spirit around when you are depressed.
Those who love you want you here and want you well. That is the lesson for all to seek help when you cannot keep walking through your life.
As for Kate Spade, you will live on with all who knew you, adored your brand and kept your company. RIP and know peace.
15
The separation seems to me a final attempt to find peace without a charade. I feel sure she was exhausted from being "on" all the time. If her husband and child were gone on a scheduled calendar, she probably tried to reboot. The problem, with relief comes more trouble in plugging back in.
2
Let's not use the euphemism "sadness" to describe a much worse condition that is " depression".
Sadness passes with time. Depression needs medical care.
25
I picked up on that as well. We who have suffered from this "King of Maladies" are doubly afflicted by this ignorance. If it's true that she avoided help to protect her brand, well, that is a sad story.
3
Dear Andy & Bea,
I am so very sorry you lost your best friend, the love of your life and your Mom. She clearly adored you. It showed in her designs and in her smiles. Keep the warm hugs and sweet kisses she gave you in the center of your brain. Love is eternal. It never leaves because its home is in our hearts. Unplug the phones, take time away and be with each other. You will remain in our prayers and our thoughts.
Sending you all the light and love in the Universe. Stay safe and loved in her embrace. Always.
22
May her soul rest in peace !
Today's life is often too frantic to be able to stop and reflect on the value and significance of ourselves.
5
Though I knew the brand well, I did not know much about the woman, though one could surmise, from her collections, that she had a beautiful and whimsical spirit. I feel sad for her family and her daughter specifically. But I also support anyone's right to free themselves from pain. None of us choose to come into this world or the circumstances we find ourselves in. It was her life and her right to do as she pleased with it. I hope she is finally at peace.
18
“All that glitters is not gold”
I will come out and say it.
The “unspoken” that is coming in between the lines of 1000s of comments is this:
“Was the Kate Spade image/brand genuine Artifice?”
Do we have the right to judge a creator on the merits of their creation.
Anymore than we would in rigorously judging an insolvent Banker; indicted Lawyer; or incompetent Doctor?
The answer is Yes; we are a society and owe it to ourselves to demand that a Life well lived goes beyond sleek designs, curated imagery and cheerful gloss.
There is more to life than your first material purchase; fleeting cosmopolitan moments and aspirational symbols.
There is hard self-work to be done: often in drab therapists’ office; looking at the grim abyss and not blinking and keeping your word to a child or family member less fortunate.
Substance behind style is the virtue to behold.
4
I really don't think that's the takeaway here.
34
My Mother had episodes of major depressive disorder with psychotic features two times in her life with a remission of 40 years between. Both times she was treated with ECT and it saved her and gave her a good life of 90 years. It works.....and today great advances. End Mental Health Stigma. start the conversation.
33
ECT is nothing short of a miracle treatment for so many. Carrie Fisher raved about it, even though she joked that forgot a few days on either end of the treatment. Well worth it for the relief she got.
17
ECT doesn't help everyone--it destroyed me. Worst mistake of my life was allowing a doctor to pressure me into it. Please don't assume it helps everyone or that everyone who has had it done to them is grateful for it.
As for Carrie Fisher--I wouldn't consider her a great role model for "mental health recovery." She was drinking and drugging to the end apparently--and I'm sure it contributed heavily to her demise. Btw, every time she talked about the wonders of ECT I wanted to scream. Did it really do her so much good--I doubt it.
I wish people would stop promoting this "treatment."
4
The vast majority of those who have attempted suicide but survived, realized at the last moment, as they were falling off of the Golden Gate Bridge, that they actually didn't want to die after all.
6
Perhaps my comment won't be published or rebuked, but when someone is in so much pain and suffering, who are we to preach being strong or this shall pass or seek medication or therapy etc. Why can't the individual end their life when their pain and suffering is so extreme? Why do they need to suffer?
We need to think critically about being able to end our life, if and when we choose to.
24
But what about how the impact of these actions on others? I can't help thinking of the loved ones she's left behind who will now also suffer severely. Especially her daughter. I can't imagine what her life will be like now.
10
I understand the indelible scars and the pain left behind for the family, but expecting the person to live with hopelessness, maddening pain and deep, dark suffering is just as evil. There are no easy answers or solutions, but we come alone in this world and leave alone, and should not be obligated to live within this social construct and accepted norm of not ending our suffering. We can help, guide, love, and do what we can but also support when someone chooses to exit this world...mental pain and anguish is misunderstood or misinterpreted because its an intangible; we can't see it, touch it, make sense of it but we can see cancer, tumors, etc. and feel the sympathy and also support when someone wants to terminate their time due to extreme physical pain and suffering. Mental illness is no different.
5
She didn't get the proper medical treatment that she desperately needed. People are able to legally end their life even due to mental illness in Scandinavian countries, but only after every possible treatment has been exhausted.
1
Mental illness can be terminal, which makes it no different than any other terminal disease. When will we stop treating it differently? There’s still so much stigma attached to suicide resulting from mental illness. A suicide due to mental illness doesn’t mean one didn’t love his or her family enough. The pain was just too much to bear anymore.
26
My contribution is for anyone contemplating suicide.
1-Sadly, money, fame, friends, wonders of our creation are NO guarantee for terminating one's life.
2-Please Don't. Suicide is terminal. There is NO coming back to correct your 'problems or 'mistakes'
3--In this life, you have opportunities and options to find help for your problems, or deal with it yourself.
4-You do not know if the 'life after death' is any better. If you have done a mistake taking your life, there IS NO COMING back to fix things.
5-Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness that will FOREEVER hurt those left behind. It could also be one of defiance...towards life on earth...may be the only life you may have.
5
I know you meant this to help, but it really just comes off sounding ignorant, preachy and repetitive. I know this is an emtional issue, but please think - better yet do serious research before you start handing out advise. You could end up doing more damage than help.
8
I'm sorry-- but the "selfish" people are those who cannot accept that sometimes the pain is too great and living means agony year after year after year--and often that's after countless mental health treatments. Sometimes nothing works--do you expect a person to live in agony just so they can be there for you?
5
The modern era, having progressed in so many spheres, neglects the mind and the soul. We invest lots of time, effort, money and thought into physical well-being. While extremely important, that is only one plane of being. Wellness requires contemplation and investment in the health of the mind, the heart, and the soul. Depression should be dealt with holistically, through medicine, therapy, companionship, familial support, and through acknowledgement of the greater purpose of man (whatever you believe that is). I speak as someone who has struggled with it since adolescence. From personal experience, I've learned that if we look at the full picture of human experience, concentrating upon wholeness in health, we might get farther on the "mental health" issue.
12
Rarely is it ever mentioned that sometimes people with severe depression will not necessarily succeed in suicide during the most acute phase. When treatment begins to become effective and people begin to gain some strength and appear "better" that is when they are able to kill themselves. It is not surprising, not should it be, that she appeared well and happy and then proceeded with suicide. In sum, when beginning to come out of a depression and all looks well, that is the time that can be the most dangerous.
31
I cannot understand how the family of the deceased hasn't seen her note yet? Who on earth would have priority over them....stunning they learn the contents through the media when the rest of us do.
19
It is often not advisable for the family to read the note left behind by people who die from a 'terminal case of depression' and leave a note. Many people who loose their lives to depression are not in their right minds when they loose their life. What they write may also very well be written in the same state.
I didn't know the poor woman and from the accounts of the last 48 hours it's clear she was a high functioning depressive. High functioning depressives have a high probability of suicide.
I'm one and have kept my family and friends guessing for years. Easy to fool myself and them...until you bottom out. Then, it's real.
Kate's psyche and spirit turned inwards on itself. When that happens, only experienced health care can hope to pull you out.
Been there, unfortunately. I hope others who suffer the same read this.
Condolences to the Spades, family and friends. Please try to understand, she loved you all I have no doubt. But it became bigger than her.
45
agreed. high functioning depressive is a real struggle. when you become CUSSOON...Crushing Unexplained Sadness Seemingly Out of No-Where.....it can be overwhelming to put things in perspective.
wishing her family the best.
8
Several years ago my brother died from complications following a botched suicide attempt. We had been helping and monitoring him during a bout of depression and anxiety. He had everyone fooled, insisting that he was not suicidal and we foolishly helped him avoid hospitalization. When his phone was not being answered we waited too long to get local police to check on him. We were bamboozled. Never thought he would attempt to hurt himself. If only I could turn back the hands of t
11
If only I could turn back the hands of time.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my brother as well. Not to suicide, but in a painful manner. I was not with him when he passed. I lived at a great distance and had not seen him in two years. It was shocking. I never got to say goodbye to him. I regret that to this day.
5
I am so sorry for Ms. Spade's family.
Just seeing her name on her designs evoked a sense of joy and happiness.
3
Don't think anybody in my family owned any Kate Spade products. The NY Times has moved closer to the top shelf at the supermarket, rivalling People mag and perhaps National Enquirer, by prattling on and on with this story. This is sad, but family needs some privacy, and all this inferencing by NY Times is just that- educated guesses into what should be a private situation. Let the family grieve and get on with things.
13
Hear, hear! I couldn't agree more!!!
3
Who cares? This person made clothing for rich people. The fact that this death is so heavily covered by the newspaper that views itself as the voice of the common person is telling.
4
I think we should all care. You don't need to mourn this person, as you did not know her, but the fact of suicide and depression should be enough to make you care. Depression does not discriminate based on socioeconomic status; we should all care about it.
19
Her clothing and accessories weren't/aren't just for wealthy people. Quite a few of her brand's items are extremely affordable, with some accessories coming in under $50/piece. Nothing about what's been written about her is "telling." If anything, it's telling just how beloved both her, and her brand is. She's an icon, simple as that.
21
Two years ago, my sister-in-law's brother was diagnosed with early onset dementia (age 60). Although he was under treatment and retired on a comfortable income, there's not much treatment can do for such a person. His wife put a GPS on his vehicle so she could keep track of him, but otherwise encouraged him to keep active. One evening, he went to the store and didn't come back. She tracked him to the back of a Walmart parking lot, and the police were already on the scene. He had taken his life with a single shot to the head. There is just not much you can do when a person decides to end her or his life. But at least the Catholic Church has ended its barbaric practice of condemning the suicide victim to hell. Because he was diagnosed with a mental disorder, his family was allowed to bury him in the church. My sister-in-law's brother could have care less; he was not a practicing Catholic. But it was nice for his family.
20
The Catholic Church does not have the power to condemn anyone to hell. No church has that power. That's not how it works.
9
Tragic is the only word.
Perhaps Ms. Spade's daughter and other socially conscious beneficiaries of her hard-won wealth will use part of the money to start a Women's Health organization that tries to find the true physical conditions that affect women and find affordable treatments. Pushing pills, as the medical Establishment does now, is not the solution. Neither are "power through" and "counsel it out".
15
Omgosh, yes! This ^^
4
Boy, what a judgment. I have taken a combination treatment of anti-depressants and thyroid medication to treat depression for almost 30 years. And before that just an anti-depressant. These drugs don't get rid of sadness, but they can get rid of the numbness and the deep black pit I would otherwise sink into without them.
My sister is bipolar, with a personality disorder. She cannot live alone. She gets paranoid. Sometimes she hears voices. But medications help alleviate her situation. Without them, she wouldn't be here on this earth.
Mental illness affects men, women, and children. Transgender, cisgender, everyone. Rich, poor, and in between.
You use the words "true physical condition" which is one way of saying that mental illness is something other than what it is. Yes, it needs more research. Yes, people need available health care. But your diatribe otherwise misses the mark.
4
Depression sucks the very life out of you. I felt that I was not part of the world around me, no one cared whether I existed or not, I didn't care about my hygiene and I just wanted to sleep. It is exhausting being depressed and the profound sadness doesn't go away, it is day in and day out. I was helped by a co- worker.I felt safe sharing my thoughts with her and she suggested I see a therapist.
I called our Employees Assistance representative and got a referral, this referral saved my life.
After three years of one on one therapy, which included Prozac then group therapy, I was able to reclaim my life. It was through this therapy that I now have tools from which to draw upon when life becomes difficult. I now know that I am capable of handling what ever comes my way, I didn't know how to do that before.
I still feel the pains of life, but now I know that feeling pain is part of the process and I now have the tools to put it all into perspective. That was 25 years ago and I credit my contentment and serenity today to my therapist who helped me figure it all out.
32
I'm happy to hear that you were able to get help and that it was successful in managing this illness. Your co-worker did an invaluable service indeed. I wish I had someone with whom I could truly unburden myself.
4
Amen to this! The tools learned in therapy are a key to living a good life for many people, and not just for people with mental illness.
5
Speaking from my experience fighting for clients to get mental health care coverage in parity with their medical care coverage--which is the law of the land--it absolutely is not happening. Insurance companies fight long and hard, and until the bitter end, to deny coverage for necessary residential treatment care and therapy for mental illnesses, to name just two types of treatment. The federal law, and NYS law (and other states' laws), mandate equal coverage if your plan offers mental health and medical coverage, but it is never provided in practice. Denials, UCR levels used to reimburse, and other methods, insurers get around the law with impunity. Very few lawyers know how to go after insurers who are breaking these parity laws because of how complicated they are, and even fewer people who have health care coverage know they even have rights to equal coverage. All this is to say we have a very long way to go to address the fact that mental health is not really a covered benefit, which reflects the wider problem of stigma for people suffering from mental health problems, and our country's inability to accept these conditions as worthy of treatment equal to that of chemotherapy for cancer, or hospitalization for a heart attack, as two examples. This relates to the article because insurers could make a drastic change in the way mental health is perceived and accepted by the public if they'd own up and follow the law.
20
It appears family and friends preferred to refer to her depression as "sadness." This reminds me of when people didn't want to use the word "cancer" because of its connotations preferring to refer to it as a "tumor" or a "growth." Sadness is not an illness, depression is.
As to what her sister said, one would be more likely to believe Ms. Spade's other family members if what she said wasn't so believable. Ms. Spade was selling a lifestyle that didn't fit in with being depressed.
I don't know whether her husband was purposely being confusing but I don't know what "actively seeking help and working closely with her doctors" means. Was she looking for a mental health professional to treat her or was she in some form of treatment with one. And were any of those doctors psychiatrists?
Finally, despite the frequent stories in The Times, such as the ones on suicide among cabdrivers, that might lead one to think that suicide is virtually always due to economic stress, this should remind us that anybody with depression, no matter what their economic status is, is at risk for this.
16
We really should stop saying people die of 'suicide' when the reality is that people are dying of mental illness. Suicide implies agency that doesn't exist when people have mental illness.
As far as I'm concerned, those who kill themselves should be presumed to have suffered from mental illness until proven otherwise.
18
Suicide is still most common among elderly men. It is always sad. But frankly I had never heard of Kate Spade and hope she is not remembered because of the way she died. An old saying that I remember from undergraduate French classes states that you are not remembered for how you lived, but for how you died. Let us hope that this old saying is proven wrong.
1
"Her sister had refused to get treatment for her depression because of fear it might damage her brand."
We need to not condemn people for having a mental illness. When worrying about how getting treatment will look, especially to people who do not matter at all, it is a big problem. Who cares what others will think? It is not their life.
I had a friend who has a son who overdosed on heroin and his mother had refused to put him in treatment because she was afraid of what people would think. I told her who cares what they think? What would they think if they saw his obituary due to an overdose instead?
Treating the depression is the most important thing. Who cares what the wagging jaws will say. Life is what matters.
14
I am a suicide survivor and I will tell you that, no one wants to think it can happen to them. I think that is why so many otherwise intelligent people always say, ' I had no idea. ' It is simply too awful, in our minds to contemplate. Once it happened to my partner, I could look back and see but hindsight is always 20/20. Articles which force us to recognize this potential reality are helpful and may save lives.
13
As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety and has said "I would never do that" many times, this terrifies me. How is it someone can be so sure they would never taken their life and end up doing it? It's also astounding to me that Ms. Spade sounded happy to people who spoke to her so close to her death, and that she discussed future plans. It's impossible to know what was really going on with her and when; it's terribly sad to recognize that her suffering was so immense, she felt she had no choice but to do this. As a mother, I am heartbroken for her suffering and especially for her daughter.
18
I always wore a Kate Spade dress when I had to give presentations at work because I felt confident and beautiful and smart in her clothing. She also reminded me that it was ok to stand out and be to colorful, which reminded me that I am Indian and proud of that too.
She made clothes to fit real people, not aspiring models. Her deep empathy for people showed in small ways, like the line on the inside of the zipper that read "Have courage". She wrote that for herself too.
47
This is beautiful!
7
We never know what is going on in someone's life. Most everyone has problems going on but it is hidden. So be more kind to everyone you meet. We all have our various issues.
Don't ever assume people are perfect. We are all fragile.
52
There is usually no reason to go out of one's way to be unkind. But what about people who need "tough love?" And who would ever assume that any person is or has ever been perfect? Genesis is a lie, starting with Verse 1: "In the beginning..." Perfection never existed because evolution doesn't produce perfection.
6
None of us (including her husband, friends, family members, etc.) get to decide which parts were real. For her. Whatever anyone else believed was happening is clearly not what Kate Spade herself thought was happening. She deserves the dignity of owning her own truth. It should be enough to celebrate the beautiful life she lived and shared so generously!
32
I wish I'd written this. Thank you!
4
Reach out to your loved ones, today. Ask them directly. Open the door for them to obtain professional help, and encourage them to pick up the phone, and go. We can't wait.
19
It saddens me greatly that this lady thought this was the way out and now her young daughter is left to wonder why. If the report that the suicide note instructed the daughter to ask her father why she died, that inflicts further cruelty on the girl.
That being said, this was a businesswoman who made pocketbooks and sold off the empire and had great fortune. Help was indeed available to her and her net worth could likely have assured her "off the record" sessions with someone had she sought help and wanted to protect her brand.
I don't understand why the news media is trying to get so much mileage out of this story. There are so many people who die at their own hand every day out of sheer desperation and who do not have the resources to seek any sort of help, nor do they have the resources to keep their families living indoors due to illness, job loss, etc. Their lives were worth something too but we never hear about it or write them off.
17
It's not always about resources. Money doesn't cure loneliness for example. No amount.
6
How...insensitive and uninformed.
Your first argument about Kate Spade protecting her brand is all well and good, rationally speaking, but depression is not a rational illness. It doesn't allow you to think this way.
And I don't know that the media is trying to get any more "mileage" out of this story than any other. If anything, it's keeping the spotlight on the fact that suicide is largely unanticipated but not unpreventable.
Covering Kate Spade's untimely death for more than 24 hours may help save lives (both famous and unfamous) by motivating family and friends of someone they suspect might be at risk to reach out to them.
Having had resources doesn't disqualify you from compassion, even if others don't think you used them adequately enough.
22
We don’t know if she felt the need to protect her brand, but that need in itself could be viewed as irrational. Therefore, according to your rationale, she may have felt the need.
We just don’t know.
He says there was no sign and no warning. But he hadn't lived with her for ten months. Things change and sometimes very quickly. A tragic reminder for us to be looking out for each other; even if it takes a little extra effort.
24
Depression is an illness, very very serious whose diagnosis is made by the patient itself mostly and which the psychiatrist must take very seriously and act accordingly. Unfortunately, this is not the case many times and is very unfortunate that with the resources available at this time we see many lives lost, even for the most serious cases where they have to opt for the electroconvulsive therapy now they have something more advanced and less traumatic. The stigma against mental illness has to be eradicated and a lot less "suicides" we will see.
3
I have depression, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and bipolar 2 disease. I would not be alive if I hadn't accepted inpatient hospitalization as a viable, safe option for treatment. I was lucky to have a roommate at the time who had gone through similar struggles, and who had been hospitalized numerous times while trying to get chemically balanced. At my lowest, when I had attempted suicide, she told me it was "ok to go".
I thought of Jodie Foster in the film Contact: when Eleanor Arroway is sent as the only human to contact the aliens: she is locked into a small pod, alone, dangled over a swirling, unknown, unending abyss. Nobody could hear her through the static and noise. Not knowing if anyone was there, she kept repeating to them - and herself -
I'm ok to go. I'm ok to go.
Depression and bipolar disease are chemical imbalances. They can be managed. It isn't easy, but you can do it.
Don't be afraid to go. It's ok to go.
20
Chemical imbalance is a narrative pushed by the drug companies.
There is a serious question now if this is accurate.
I believe the Times had an article about it not long ago.
5
I realize that she was a public figure, but it would be nice if the private lives of this family could be left out of the paper as a suicide has a traumatic effect on the family as they are also victims of this tragedy.
53
did you feel the same way about The Times articles on cabdrivers who committed suicide? Or about its ones on former football players who committed suicide that it alleged were due to CTE?
2
@VMG
I could not agree more. I keep wishing news sources simply stated "Ms. Spade died expectantly at home and no other details are available." But then, the media, EVERY media source is in the business to make money. I just think it would be refreshing and classy if something so private, personal and painful could be left out of the story for a change.
4
Sincere apologies for the typo. I meant to write "unexpectedly".
Suicides in the United States increased from 1999 to 2014 for everyone between the ages of 10 and 74, per 2016 study from Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
For white women the suicide rate increased by 60%, the study found.
Maybe it is past time the NYT stopped with the relentless messaging that white women are a monolithic mass of privilege?
I had a liver transplant from hepatitis C caused liver failure and my son had one 4 months after I did. I worked at a plasma donation center just out of high school in the ‘80’s and had had the virus for 30 years without knowing until my son sickened and so did I, in 2012.
As a survivor of domestic abuse and high school dropout, I was raising my twins alone and had put myself through first GED and then community college and then Reed college- graduating into the 2008 recession, just in time to reap none of the benefits of a 4 year degree attained while raising my children alone.
When I was struck down with liver failure, I was working for a lawyer, doing medical record research and client outreach making $12.50 per hour.
Even though I eventually got Medicare through my years of work as a waitress and then ‘legal assistant’, it did not kick in until 2015- 2 years after transplant.
If Obamacare and the ACA had not been the law of the land, my son and I would both be dead.
I wrote an op-ed about going to DC to advocate for ACA as guest of Sen. Merkley.
Rejected by NYT, not interested in stories about working class white women.
78
Thank you. I am also so tired of the "white privilege" articles and OpEd pieces in the NYT's. Being "white" does not mean you lead this amazing life with no worries about making ends meet, health issues, mental illness, etc. Pleas stop dividing us.
17
Yes, women's health conditions are often nothing but Medicare/Medicaid credit cards for medical providers. They name something as "auto-immune disorders" and do nothing to find out what is causing the disorder. They get paid for every non-treatment visit. It is criminal.
3
I speak from my experience. Struggled for years not knowing what was going on with my 12 year old. Struggled with her behavior until she was 28 years old at which time she was diagnosed with Bi-polar. When she suffered, I suffered, after all she was my child no matter what age. One stops being a mother when you leave this earth. My point is: always watch your child’s behavior as they are developing, especially puberty that is when that disease rears it’s head. She is 40 years old and the correct meds for her have helped. It took 16 years to come to terms with medication, knowledge , and acceptance of living with the disease. We as a society should place this disease among our deadly ones: heart, cancer and diabetes. My daughter does have periods of backsliding, the illness will always be part of her life. We are here for her to support not coddle. I remind her she has to help herself too! It has been hell on me, have aged well beyond my years, yes she too has had hell. She asked if she had to take the meds for the rest of her life , I said yes. Just like i have to take my blood pressure medicine. Do you want to relive the past life or have a better quality of life? Let me add she had many suicide attempts. I constantly, talk to her, ask her opinions about events and check to see if she is taking her meds and watch her reactions and behaviors which tip me off. I do not believe in my case mental illness suddenly appears. It has always been there.
82
Jennifer...
To the extent that any one person can have the back of another, you have your daughter's.
It is what parents do. And for that, she is a lucky woman.
Good luck.
14
So sorry that such a bright light struggled so terribly. She will be missed.
8
One of my friends suffered with anxiety and depression brought on by a medication prescribed for a gastrointestinal disorder, taken while she was also on birth control pills. Only when she discontinued both (in order to try for another child) did the symptoms disappear, never to return.
No one knew of her struggles, not even her spouse, until she told of it, years later.
Only the one who is suffering can know what is truly happening, and perhaps that was the case with Kate Spade.
I am sorry for her entire family, especially for her daughter.
23
It was a complete shock and totally unexpected??? Hello families, if your loved one has severe depression over many years then suicide comes with the territory and glossing over it as "periods of sadness" can be a mistake. In the 1960's people were hush-hush about cancer. Today the same thing happens with severe depression. If your loved one has long term severe depression you should treat it as aggressively as you would cancer. Their lives depend on it.
38
Some people are very good at hiding their pain. It is not for you to judge their families. In fact, I think it is cruel.
43
Very few people know of my severe anxiety and depression. I am a funny, outgoing, bright person. I don't want to burden others with my issues. People hide their pain. I have never contemplated leaving this earth, but I know hopelessness. I can't imagine suicide. But unfortunately for too many it is the only option for them. I agree we need to treat this aggressively, but for those like me who don't share it, what can you do?
22
You and the very few people who know should treat it as aggressively as cancer. When medications don't work think about electroconvulsive therapy and hallucinogen psychotherapy which are both recent NYT articles.
1
Womens' Wear Daily should be all over this story. But the Times? Five stories in two days? An alien from another planet reading the Times would be certain that Kate Spade cured cancer, blindness, whooping cough and Ebola. Name a single Nobel Prize winner who got five stories in the Times.
I realize that the Times pays Friedman a good amount of money to cover fashion, and that in that tiny world, Spade is a fairly big deal. And its nice that a lot of women like her handbags. But come on, front of the landing page with nonstop coverage? This reflects poorly on the Times editorial judgment.
21
This isn't just a fashion story. For a very wealthy, bubbly, world renowned, successful woman to kill herself is a bit shocking. This is a mental health story. For whatever reason, her suicide has resonated deeply with me. I have severe anxiety too, and am bubbly too. This goes to show you can never tell what someone is going through. Some think "how could she? why would she? she had everything" While I believe we need to have some empathy. Hopelessness is a very dark place and it does not discriminate. There are hundreds of stories that need to be front page news. Mental health should be one of them. Mainly, why is everyone killing themselves??
8
I, also, am astounded by all this news coverage about one person, albeit a famous one.
On the other hand, I think people can't get over the fact that Ms. Spade had ANY problems because she was very wealthy, attractive, and appeared socially adept. People only associate health problems with those who are in hospitals or nursing homes--not someone who (on all appearances) had an active life.
2
The shocking suicide of the founder of a billion dollar brand isn't NYT newsworthy? Fashion is a "tiny world"?
If Calvin Klein or Marc Jacobs died by suicide, should coverage be relegated to Women's Wear Daily?
No one's making you read these articles, Allan. Just because fashion is a tiny world to you doesn't mean it is to everyone else.
5
I believe Spade's husband when he says there was no indication of what Spade might try to do. Suicide is, in most cases, impulsive and an act carried out in an instance of pure desolation, fear, and hopelessness. That's the main reason why simply having a firearm in the house is so deadly and why my mother when I was growing up raised hell every time my father tried to bring his guns into the house.
It just takes mere seconds of total panic at the thought of the future or desperation to grab a gun and end it all. Even if that feeling might pass a second or two later, by then it's too late. Perhaps the same thing happened here.
Part of me wonders what effect growing older has on such a beautiful and stylish woman like Ms. Spade. It can be depressing enough as it is but in an industry (and society) that places such importance on a woman's youthfulness, sprightliness, perhaps resentment of the future grows particularly strong especially when one's designs are associated so much with young women.
22
What you say regarding suicide is untrue. In fact, studies have shown virtually everyone who attempts suicides has talked about it previously with at least one family member or friends. Curiously, they often deny this but when those who survived attempts are interviewed by doctors, virtually always do they say they did talk about it and generally those to whom they discussed it with tried to discount it.
Despite what is frequently shown in movies and TV, suicide are rarely related to a single stressful event. As in Ms. Spade's case, it is virtually always proceeded by a history of depression and usually of previous suicidal thoughts and often previous attempts that are frequently downplayed as "accidents."
9
One word: STIGMA. In 2018, people still feel ashamed to talk about mental illness, even in this cosmopolitan progressive city. As a person with a personal history of major depressive disorder, (fully well and recovered for three years I might add!), it took me a long time-almost 20 years to accept that I might need medication long term and that this is a brain disease just like a disease of any other organ. Depression is completely different from feeling sad. Clinical depression can cause loss of appetite, insomnia, anxiety, panic and in the most extreme cases suicidal ideation/attempts and catatonia. I was luckily never at this level and never required inpatient hospitalization, but at my lowest moments I could not sleep literally one wink all night in a state of panic-it is a brain disease and we need to speak up about it. If yourself or a loved one needs help, please join the National Alliance on Mental Illness-NAMI with chapters all over the country. Lets end the shame.
48
It is ineffably sad that the darkness of depression could extinguish such a bright light and joyful spirit. Her designs allowed us to slip on a pair of shoes and step into a sunny place of beauty and grace. May she find such a place now.
39
Unfortunately, there are often no indications. In fact, many people seem to be doing genuinely better, making plans for the future, etc, in the days and moments leading up to suicide. My friend spent the morning discussing dinner plans with her mother, making a grocery list, and planning a day of errands and cooking. When her mother returned home from work, the grocery list was on the table and my friend had been dead for hours. Why this contentment and charade? We will probably never know for sure, but I suspect that perhaps the relief that comes with knowing the suffering will be over soon is truly freeing. If you've never suffered even a little bit with debilitating mental illness (for my friend it was bipolar disorder, for many it is severe depression), it is hard to fathom the allure of what many deem a "permanent solution to a temporary problem." But if you've tried seemingly everything in terms of treatment, and nothing seems to be working, is it fair for everyone else to proclaim your problem will get better? Until we invest substantially in research and development and truly reject societal stigma about mental illness, many more will suffer the hopelessness that Ms. Spade and countless others experience and die from.
My sincerest condolences to her family, and I hope this conversation we are having will lead to less judgment and more empathy from all of us.
151
What you say about there often being no indications is untrue. Although it may be hard to predict the day someone may attempt suicide, studies have shown that warning signs are virtually always there. In fact, most of those who attempt it have previously discussed their suicidal thoughts with family members or friends.
3
The severe societal responses to sufferers of clinical depression are almost unbearable, but so are side effects of earlier & current medications. Our society has grown less & less compassionate with each decade, even as new medications are made available. Sugar's debilitating effect on brain cell transmittion/reception is well known yet lacks funding for studies.
The NYT should be investigating how funding impacts mental health. Pharmaceutical industry lobbies to fund studies for new drugs & sugar industry lobbies to maintain high levels of sugar in as many products as possible - both for profit. Which of these entities would likely fund research to reduce intake of sugar?
1
Steve, perhaps I was sloppy in conveying my point that most people who are not clinically trained in suicide risk and prevention will not be able to pick up on the warning signs, especially the tendency for some people to show marked improvement. For reference:
https://ps.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/ps.2009.60.3.387
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/200906/suicid...
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/suicide-often-not-preceded-by-warnin...
Glad to see Vanessa Friedman maintaining a high standard of reporting on Ms. Spade's death. The reporters at other papers who regurgitated flotsam and jetsam without context have hurt Andy Spade and his daughter.
Did the police really have to release those two sentences from the suicide note? People who commit suicide are in a distorted frame of mind. It should have been kept private.
58
"Did the police really have to release those two sentences from the suicide note?"
But it was the media who reported it to the public, not the police.
9
The job of the media is to report, not to act as a stopgap between their audience and leaky institutions.
Yes, but the police shared it with people other than the family, and having released that information, they created a story.
Three top articles about the untimely death of a Ladies' handbag designer today, but not a hint of coverage of the dead in Puerto Rico and a host of other deaths from everything from opiods to Republican neglect.
Is the New York Times competing with CNN, or what?
19
The NYTimes has reported on all that you mentioned. Maybe check the archives, and stop whining. We get enough of that from you-know-who.
6
Brian, yes, the Times just had a huge report on Puerto Rico and the inaccurate count of those who lost their lives from the storm and the aftermath.
You have to understand that when a woman whose company created a fashion phenomenon, who did it at such a young age, and who was envied and loved for what she represented, commits suicide, it's news.
Kate Spade wasn't just a "ladies handbag designer," she was a highly successful entrepreneur at a young age in a business that was still mostly run by men. (And which still is, to some degree)
4
please take this off the front page and let her rest in peace.
19
The photo that accompanies this article speaks volumes. Andy Spade looks like he's already checked out. Sad situation all around and for those calling her selfish for committing suicide. Shame on you.
13
This family is dealing with the remnants of a serious tragedy. But at the same time, I wouldn’t recognize Andy Spade if I ran into him at Starbucks. “He looks like he’s already checked out”? I can’t even begin to understand what you are insinuating.
20
Sorry, as the sister of someone who has thankfully not been successful in her suicide attempts, Andy Spade looks simply exhausted. Kate looks like she is trying to mask pain
I have photographs just like this--and if someone told me that my expression is that of someone who has checked out on her relationship with my sister, I'd be very upset at the misinterpretation.
And yes, suicide is sad but also selfish. The person contemplating suicide needs help, desperately, but sometimes he or she refuses it. My stepchildren lost their mother to suicide. They felt so abandoned by their mother, and yes, felt she was selfish in some way.
3
A *single snapshop* 'speaks volumes'??? You must be hearing things. Judge and jury all at once from one snapshot: shame on you.
1
Since her depression began at age 49, I wonder if it was caused by menopause. From the personal experience of myself and my friends going through this, I want to acknowledge that depression from menopause is very severe, yet very hard to get acknowledgement from medical professionals. I doubt it was bi-polar - I do not think a person of her of ability to run a business could have had untreated b--polar disorder.
61
Another armchair psychologist making assumptions about mental illnesses please be informed
7
My body has been tricking me in evil ways my entire life, and menopause was just one more extremely difficult transition - but there is also AFTER menopause, that is still another thing (why is it called 'pause"? It is a stop, and a start of a whole new body!) and I absolutley agree, even female doctors don't think about it, ask about it, or understand anything about it at all. I don't know if it would make me suicidal, however, after a lifetime of dealing with this kind of stuff, by 49 it seems like you might learn how to adapt. My vote is the drugs her psychiatrists gave her.
5
It could have been bipolar. There are many successful people who have bipolar disorder (if you remember the movie "A Beautiful Mind" it is clear the protagonist was suffering from this and not from schizophrenia as the movie and the book upon which it was based stated.)
In fact, the first successful treatment for this disorder, lithium, didn't come onto the market until the 1970s and before then there were also many successful people with this disorder who would spend time in mental hospitals when their mania or depression became too severe.
Finally, unfortunately, many people taking medication for bipolar disorder stop taking it when they begin to feel normal.
I don't know if any of this applied to Ms. Spade but it's certainly far from an impossibility.
1
If she had major depression for 6 years, then my guess is that multiple treatments/therapies were tried, and while she made had a few intermittent moments of piece, her depression would have been considered intractable/ treatment-resistant. She held on for as long as she could, and I want to commend her for the courage and strength for lasting as long as she did.
But also, why was she in the city, and why was she left alone???
4
A guess is a guess. We cannot make statistical analysis or draw conclusions from one case. Millions of people in America suffer from depression -- if you dig deeper into the literature and medical studies, your rhetorical question will be answered.
1
I read in Kansas City Star that her sister in Kansas said she suspected she was bipolar but that Kate wouldn’t seek treatment. I wish she was here to share her experience, speak for herself.
Bipolar, a mood disorder, can present when a woman goes through the hormonal changes of menopause. Diagnosis can be difficult.
Anxiety disorder, as well as bipolar, can be treated successfully with 1) Meds 2) good nutrition 3) good sleep and 4) counseling/therapy/family/friends.
Anyone thinking they need help, check out Nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness) to find resources in your area.
7
That sister has been estranged for going on 10 years. I would take anything she said now that she's crawling into the spotlight with a very large grain of sand.
7
Seriously, I agree with Margo. We've seen this sort of thing before, and fairly recently, too: first the trashy, estranged Markle relatives trying to cash in on their sister's marriage and simultaneous vault into the celebrity stratosphere as the Duchess of Sussex, and now the late Ms. Spade's estranged sister, blabbing to the Kansas City Star about her deceased sibling. Her sister had hardly been dead 24 hours and she was gabbing to the press about her, even though the family estrangement was apparently a deep one and Ms. Spade had reportedly maintained only sporadic contact with her throughout much of the last decade. Whenever there's a tragedy or some money to be made, or a combination of both, the wacky, low-brow relatives seem to come out of the woodwork.
This was devastating loss, the family know about it but could do nothing about it although they tried their best. Mental illness if untreated leaves devastating result .
Wish for the best of the little girl Kate left behind.
6
May Kate rest in peace. Such a tragic story.
7
This is very sad. Sharing the note was appalling. That poor little girl.
38
NPR has a wonderful podcast at How I built This featuring Kate:
https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510313/how-i-built-this
Can we now have a real conversation about why people should not try to treat themselves alone for depression, anxiety and possibly the bipolar spectrum?
8
As someone who lost a sibling to suicide (who also left behind a note), I am very disappointed in how the NYT has covered Kate Spade's death, from the first article to this one. I cannot imagine the agony I would feel were the alleged contents of my loved one's suicide note repeatedly broadcast--and again here as her husband expresses dismay that the contents were released, even before being shared with him! Please stop feeding the public's prurient desire for details that are irrelevant to good journalism. Suicide survivors endure enough pain and trauma, whether the person who died was famous or not.
135
I was shocked when the alleged content of a note left behind was revealed. Have we lost any sense of decency?
20
Are you sure that the New York Times print the contents of the note? I haven't seen that in any of the articles I've read...? The coverage I've seen in this newspaper has been tasteful and sensitive, in my opinion.
9
Why didn't they have round the clock psychiatric nurses watching over her? In addition, they could have had a therapist to come in and see her everyday. If necessary they could have gone through 10 or 20 different therapists until they found one who could have connected with this woman.
This is so incredibly tragic. Kate Spade should have never sold her business. Because often times people need meaningful work to keep their demons at bay.
If you have to go to work to pay your overhead it forces you to pull yourself together. But, when you are worth $200 million what do you do for an encore?
This is a tragedy which is all too common in America today. Depression can be especially troubling especially for woman who are going through the menopause. That will bend anyone's mind even the so called "Normal" people.
Finally, a depressed spouse or loved on is a difficult strain to deal with no matter what your circumstances. And, the most difficult part of all, is that often times individuals who are depressed cannot get the help they need or do not want the help they need.
Suicide is a nasty business and often leaves the survivors with a tremendous sense of guilt. As one therapist put it, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Anxiety and Depression are difficult, but they are not impossible to treat. Hopefully people will heed this as a wake up call and be more aware of their loved ones who are having problems.
12
People are so quick to say why didn't they do this or why didn't they do that. Because they didn't know - if they had known what was necessary, they would have done it. People who mean to kill themselves don't necessarily announce it b/c they don't want to be stopped. Ultimately it is the decision of the person who commits suicide - if that person is determined, s/he will succeed. Don't second guess the actions of those who loved them & were not able to prevent this.
13
You can bring in the National Guard and it would not prevent a suicide.
13
another case of suicide because of prescribed drugs? The ones that are supposed to help 'mental illness' but come with the warnings on the label, "may cause suicidal thoughts". What drugs was she taking? Poor woman.
10
Why do you assume that anti-depressants caused her suicide? Those drugs have been life-savers to many people, including me, for years.
2
@Cat Glickman - because of David Foster Wallace
https://www.madinamerica.com/2013/09/temptation-certainty-david-foster-w...
Suicidal thoughts are not suicide.
2
My mother lived with bi-polar disease. She tried (unsuccessfully) to take her own life three times. My heart aches for Kate's daughter. And for Kate. No one can judge the pain of another.
48
Kate Spade was ostensibly someone to admire. Success, wealth and fame. Yet, they were not enough to ward off the demons of depression.
I thought there would be hundreds of comments here today, but I am the first. With all respect to Mr. Spade, how well does anyone know the inner thoughts of their mates? We all wear a mask of some sort. We suffer alone. When depressions grabs us, the last one you would call is a relative. Sometimes we can reveal more to a stranger on a train that to our loved ones.
I know that depression passes if you can hold on. I like to tell a story about opening a storefront that would just provide a warm hug for a minimal cost. People don't generally ask someone for a hug. They settle for the RX your doctor gave you. Sometimes all you need is a warm hug. One loving hug.
27
Hugs do not fix clinical depression. Nor does love. It's a disease that requires medical treatment.
92
With all due respect - medicine alone does not cure... Love and physical love is essential too.
1
No hugs do not fix but they sometimes help ease the pain, if only for a moment.
Let the soul of Kate Spade rest in peace.
May her memory be a blessing, ringed with joy, sadness and the recognition of the bittersweet reality that life is a fragile flower that needs shelter from the cold, the wind and lousy soil.
77
"The life of a flower is short.
Only bitter things are many."
Hayashi Fumiko
1903 - 1951
3
My ex-husband has suffered from depression and was diagnosed many years ago as bi-polar. He told me, very early on, "I would never do that to my children." I believed him and he has held true to that, through very rough times. I am so sad for Ms. Spade's daughter, and for any other child who suffers the loss of a parent in such a way.
49
What a struggle you and your ex-husband have endured. But I can't help but note that if a person is telling their loved ones they'd "never do that," it's a sign of the depth of their struggle (which thankfully your ex has managed quite heroically).
5
My Dad killed himself in 1965 when I was 7 years old. He jumped off of the George Washington Bridge. I didn’t learn the true cause of his death until I was 16 and found his death certificate. My mother finally told me and my younger sister when I was 21. I have some memories- more like moments that stand out- but I didn’t really know him. I am 60 years old now and can honestly say that I continue to wonder how he could have done this. He left a wife and 3 kids ages 5, 7, and 16. Left our apartment in the Bronx that morning and my mom recalls everything seemed fine. Drove to the Bridge at some point and jumped. Fast forward 40 years and we learned that he carried the Huntington’s Disease gene and likely would have been ill had he lived. We learned this when my older sister was diagnosed. There’s a high rate of depression and suicide associated with HD. It helps somewhat to know this but it doesn’t alleviate the pain. I hope Ms. Spade’s daughter gets professional help to work through this. I wish her peace.
6
It is not for me to judge the basis under which Kate Spade took her life. I have absolutely no idea about any of that and neither does anyone else except those closest to her.
I do think there is a journalistic lesson here and hope news outlets will give a moments thought to the people nearest to the subject - in this case - Kate Spade - and apply journalistic reserve and restraint by withholding specific facts and thus respecting their feelings during a very difficult time. It is what you would want for yourselves under such circumstances.
And to Kate's family - there are no words of condolence to express your devastating loss but do hope your privacy will be respected going forward. Blessings!
42
Very apropos. Very gracious.
6
As a psychiatrist treating people with mental illness every day, I am always concerned when reading misleading descriptions of disorders such as major depression. Ms. Spade’s brother reportedly preferred to call her depression, “her sadness”. Her close friend reportedly said,in reference to Ms. Spade’s depression, “ We would talk a lot about it, and end up laughing.” Depression is a medical illness that can be fatal if untreated. Sadness is a feeling that passes naturally. We’ve come a long way in destigmatizing mental illness, but we clearly have a ways to go.
103
As a treating psychiatrist, are you aware of any studies equating high sugar intake with clinical depression? If so, who funded the studies? The source of funding determines the type of studies - drugs/medications are normally funded by big pharmaceutical companies motivated by profits. Who is going to fund reducing sugar intake (sucrose, fructose, lactose, maltose or dextrose)? I was very fortunate to have a psychiatrist who asked me to try it when earlier medication caused terrible side effects. It was truly amazing how fast it worked in conjuction with no caffeine & exercises soon after arising from sleeping. The depression was gone in 4 days, energy returned & NO side effects! After 4 mo. of that success, I was able to take in small amounts of fructose & lactose. If the NYT wants to be helpful, their investigation should be into nutritional aspects of brain research.
5
MomsHugs, high sugar intake can effect mood. But mental illness was around long before people ate processed white sugar.