This has got to be a reprint of an Onion piece, right ? This can't be serious ? Even for Manhattan ? Kids need a therapist because they dont want to do/turn in their homework ? Seriously ? How about MAKING your kid do THEIR homework, taking away their $1,000 iPhone X if they dont ? Or their spring break trip to Croatia ? So much "stress" out there, life is so hard for the children of Upper Manhattan families who can afford $200 tutors, so much microagression and "feeling bad" about oneself because they can't get into YHP. Just gobsmacked by this article, even for a 50 year reader of the Times. A whole industry- no , a whole culture- of absurd codependency has taken NYC its seems. Before subsidizing more overpaid, under qualified "couch" parasites, why not try being a parent and start with discipline and consequences ? And you I wonder why Washignton has no problem limiting tax deductions for people who are crazy enough to to reside in Manhattan ?
100
I realize the people is this article might seem easy to mock...but I can only commiserate with them. When I became a parent, I assumed my kids would develop the same work habits I developed as the child of immigrants being taught by a group of demanding nuns. My older daughter has...but my younger daughter struggles with ADD and anxiety and for her, coping with schoolwork is an enormous challenge. She is not pampered or lazy. We have tried every consequence but she seems willing to live them. Hope springs eternal, but in the meantime, we are searching for solutions like the parents in this article.
19
Agree with everything in this post, except the last sentence. I raised my son in New York. He attended an academically rigorous school without any tutoring. We didn't believe in spending more money on top of tuition. I created a home environment conducive to doing homework... no television, family dinners during which our days were discussed, a well-lit, quiet space for spreading out books, computer and other assorted homework paraphernalia, etc. In other words, I didn't do a whole lot to support my son's learning and he graduated from high school with honors. Without radical stress and many friendships with endure today, 7 years later.
1
As a long time teacher, the distinction of teaching and providing therapy has never been a two-person job; both practices go with the (underpaid, it must be said) territory.
16
While some of the criticisms of these homework helpers may be valid, there is a disturbing tendency in these comments to blame both students and parents and an assumption that the purpose of such tutors is to get kids into prestigious colleges. This ignores the fact that current high school students are suffering from anxiety at rates that outpace the adult population. The reasons are complex. As someone who works with high school students, I think parents get a bad rap. Most know their children well and want what is best for them--to move toward being responsible, productive and balanced adults.
10
I help run a homework center at one of our local libraries in Southern California. It's free to all the students, and we offer it four days a week at the library. The program is called "Do Your Homework @ the Library." We are staffed with volunteers and some paid staff (like me) to help run the centers. The families are often-times lower income and don't have access to tutors to help their children with homework. Sadly, the school districts in this area have done away with after-school homework support, so leave it up to the families to fend for themselves. I consciously decided to work in a lower-income area because I knew these type of resources were in short supply. I would never dream of asking anyone to pay me $200 an hour for help, even though I am a former teacher with a Master's Degree and background in psychology. My reward is seeing the children blossom and the gratitude of the parents.
21
It is hard to get into top college for all but those who are famous or can buy admission. Some need personal coaches, some cheat like Stuy kids
https://nypost.com/2018/01/27/cheating-still-rampant-at-disgraced-stuyve...
some do both. Mostly it happens in rigorous schools where kids need to do a lot of work to get B+. These schools do not inflate grades. At least these kids do not suffer as much in college. MIT after having a lot problems with suicides has instituted no-grades policy for frosh. High-level education is a pressure-cooker.
4
This whole thing just reeks of elitism. I can assure you there are no low or middle income families paying $200 - $600 per hour for a therapist/tutor. Another example of the rich getting richer.
16
This is another reason why teachers must be judicious when they assign homework.
2
This reminds me of the parents who walk away from their kids on the playground and let other parents supervise them while they stare at their cellphones or chat with each other. In the book “Primates of Park Avenue,” this was referred to as “alloparenting.” It was described as a sign of high status to have others parent your kids because you’re too busy with “more important” things. Making sure a toddler doesn’t hurt himself on equipment he is too young to be using...stopping a kid from walking in front of a swing. This kind of stuff happens every time I take my little kids to the park. I think these tutors are just the teenage version of “alloparents.”
8
I think it is a failure of imagination that makes it so easy for one to stand in judgement of another. What is the saying, "if you could walk a mile in my shoes..."?
Just because YOU cannot imagine the struggles of another, doesn't mean they aren't very real.
3
I saw the headline at 4 AM Swedish time and instantly thought, in Swedish but here in English, "Finally, I am going to read an article later about providing American students help with their homework at a program like those I have contributed to for the past 18 years here at the Red Cross Linköping. Will read later.
How could I possibly be so naive? Now at 7 AM I learn it is all about money, big money, help for the already upper income American.
Linköping Red Cross programs include Läxläsning (Help with homework) and Träna svenska (Converse in Swedish). These are free, offered at various locations in the city, run by volunteers like me and my colleagues.
At läxläsning most of the students had come to Sweden from places like Somalia, Iraqi Kurdistan, Afghanistan and were either taking Swedish for immigrants or were high school students. At one time I used to be there 3 or 4 days/wk. One of the best experience of my life and wherever I go in the city I am likely to hear a "Hej Larry, det var länge sedan" from some long ago student who is doing fine.
Träna svenska this past Tuesday: My Iranian born colleague, Z, and I around a table with 4 Eritreans, 2 Syrians, 1 Russian, 1 Belarus, and 1 Somali. Non stop fun and with results, we often learn as much from them as they learn from us.
Now you understand why my blog is Only-NeverInSweden.blogspot.com. In all my years of writing here, not one reader has said - "We have the same here."
Give me hope, please.
14
A lot of snarky, ignorant comments from what I assumed would be a more nuanced crowd. Nothing like dumping on rich people, who are apparently all the same. How dare they earn what they can, then live in Manhattan and - gasp - even have kids! Some of whom don’t breeze through school, imagine that. Your bitterness and envy shows.
4
Longtime tutor here.
Let's play it out. The kid gets two Bs or God forbid Cs, and those of us who grew up in a different time roll our eyes when the kid freaks out. Problem is, those grades all but ruins a shot at top schools, presuming the kids are ~normal and haven't invented some famous computer program or solved world hunger.
Oh? But there are plenty of good schools besides the Ivies? Well that may be, but then it becomes a math problem: 60k per year to come out making 40k, possibly in debt, with a difficult path toward maintaining a lifestyle even close to what your parents had.
People are reacting to that something in the air: there's a lot of people in this world, automation is on its way, and if you aren't among the best and brightest, life is going to be very difficult for you. Therein lies the market.
9
I wonder what is wrong with the upper classes that their kids need so many crutches to get through school and, apparently, move on to start a life. I'm in my 60s, so it's tempting to compare this trend to when I was young and most of us managed to grow up, finish school, and launch all by ourselves with parent & teacher help. I'm tempted, but I'm also sure that the vast majority of middle class (including 'upper middle') & poorer kids still manage to grow up and launch without all this psychological help, hand-holding, and expensive re-assuring.
I'm all for therapy for kids with real illnesses, but this sounds like re-enforcing the neediness of the worried well. In many of these cases it is likely that the parents could use the therapy themselves to learn to be realistic about the fact that it's ok for kids to fail sometimes, that not every kid can or should ace the ACT, and that 'success' in life is not only measured in grades and dollars.
18
I'm in my 60's also and I only wish that there had been more help available to me, more people to talk to, a wider variety of opinions and options. Sure, we all grew up, but my mother was chronically depressed, distant and sometimes very scary. My father had a volcanic temper and we never knew what was going to set him off.
It's OK now to talk about depression and other emotional issues, it's not OK for people to beat their children, and parents are much more engaged.
We just didn't talk about anything. All we did was sweep it all under the rug.
16
it is the parents who need to do their homework and work with a therapist to sort out their issues and back off from interfering with their children's growth.
7
Some of the best advice we were given as parents was to hire a tutor our child could look up to. Our first tutor was a young male special education teacher. Early tutoring sessions involved the tutor convincing our young son to stop hiding behind the sofa. The tutor used a lot of classroom calming techniques to keep our ADHD son calm, focused, and entertained. Two minute iPad games, educational videos or calming blanket wraps on the floor were used as rewards. The key is to have all of the tutoring sessions in the home, make sure the tutor is reliable and relatable. You want your child to develop a healthy relationship with their tutor in order for the child to learn and perform. Local colleges and universities can be a great resource for affordable tutors. In our case we found a special education teacher really made a huge different in helping our son cope with school. We got ours from a online source www.wyzant.com. Our first tutor lasted 5+ years, he just recently left the educational field. As for our current tutor, a local English teacher, our son can't wait for him to arrive in the afternoon. They are currently reviewing the classics, my son is now enjoying the poems of Edgar Allen Poe. Our son's grades are now showing improvement and he is feeling more confident about entering High School in the Fall.
8
Professor Holly Schiffrin's insensitive comment discounts the real struggle kids with multiple disorders endure. My adolescent child with a physical ailment, a learning disorder, and depression doesn't need a plan for adult independence. We'd just like him to pass 7th grade without jumping off a bridge - literally.
A therapist who could assist both academically and emotionally would be a godsend.
22
I don't read in this article what is probably the dirty little secret of homework tutors to the upper-class. When the homework counts for a grade, these tutors are not just providing over-all structure for improvement; many are probably actually actively participating in the homework (letting the kid write it out, of course).
13
years ago, I spent some time volunteering with disadvantaged children to use computers as tools. What I quickly found is that the real need for these children wasn’t even material - some wore expensive fancy sneakers, others went on vacation in Jamaica - but that they had an unstable home environment, some shuttled from grandparent to grandparent. After-school programs were just another place -albeit safe- to leave the children. I thus realized that I couldn’t teach them much in those circumstances, and that what they needed first was TLC at home
14
I had a very difficult time concentrating on my homework because i needed to monitor my father's behavior at night. He regularly abused all of us and could come into my room at any time, but usually I needed to respond to violence against others. I had one or two tutors over the years who came by in the afternoons, when he was still out, so they didn't have a direct protective effect but they helped me make up some time. I attended private schools and had hours of homework every night - as much as 5 hours a night in high school. Most kids in my position know better than to disclose to visitors but it might be that some of these people, through their interactions, are helping kids stay alive until they can get out of the house.
42
Push push push...money money money... pay for the tutor to do the homework with them, then pay for the therapist to calm them down, donate pots of money to the school to take the kid anyway. Have you seen the coffee shops in Manhattan after 3:00.?
Full of tutors and kids working in a noisy atmosphere because the tutors don’t want to pay for quiet office space. Then they charge $200 an hour.If these kids have attention problems , how can this help? Even if they just have perfection problems how can this help.
A college friend of my daughter’s told her that New York kids tell everyone WHERE they went to high school. The rest of them just went to high school. Maybe this is why we have a generation in the fetal position.
18
Really? What about when their child goes to college? Does their Homework Therapist go college with them? And after that?
How about parents helping their own kids. Or, god forbid, leaving the kids to figure things out for themselves? I’ll take self-sufficiency and a state school (the horror!) over an ivy and helplessness every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
10
I wonder if you read the piece. Many of these kids have multiple disorders such as dyslexia and depression.
6
I've noticed a trend in tv commercials. A young mother observes her infant daughter and fantasizes that she grows up to become a chef. "No," mom says, "a CELEBRITY chef." In another, a parent smiles upon a gifted child and muses that the child will someday use her gifts "TO CHANGE THE WORLD."
Are we giving kids the impression that they are falling short if they live lives of ordinary accomplishments and satisfactions? That would certainly make me anxious.
30
I taught for 45 years and, since retirement have tutored a range of young folks. All I can say is that, like each class, you play the cards you are dealt...and there are lots more than 52 cards in these decks! I have found myself in positions like the ones described here, ones that require as much attention to getting a sense of "why things are the way they are" and dealing with that as any sort of drill...and others have been quite straightforward: a college sophomore recovering from a skiing accident at home needs someone to take a look at a couple of research papers and render an opinion on focus, readability, and the like. Always, though, I tried to make absolutely sure that the parent and I were on the same page as regards an end game and that the parent got clear feedback each week or so on where I thought we were and what was going on.
In the end, though, I always found that there was a luxury in being able to personalize the instruction, whether face to face or on line.
8
I think that this article has a sensationalistic element. These parents are a small segment of the population. And if they can afford to allocate their resources this way, then more power to them. There have always been a coterie of people who offer up tutoring and coaching services in wealthy areas. And there will always be that sector in the market. I do think that this makes a strong case for holistic admissions to elite universities. A kid from a poor, cash-strapped family doesn't have access to these types of services--SAT Preps, Essay Coaches, Homework Therapists. So, from my point of view as someone who has worked in academia as a professor at elite universities is that we should take these things into account when we admit students from disadvantaged backgrounds. They're actually working much harder, solving problems that other people outsource, and showing a lot of gumption and grit, as they thread their way through an alien world for the first time.
40
Good point! As a disadvantaged student in prep school myself, I recall not only solving all my own problems, but tutoring (and reassuring) wealthier kids so I could earn money to pay my own tuition. Those skills helped me through undergrad, grad, and my career. To me, kids with those capabilities are the ones that elite admissions counselors should be looking for at admissions time.
8
Hey the same holds true for other academic hurdles, e.g., medical school entry requirements -- there are professional organizations that for a hefty fee, help students ("help" being a euphemism for actually writing the essays needed as entry requirements); some kids have extra help from a sibling who went through the same process or a father or mother who is a doctor, there are all kinds of reasons to make the system unfair and biased in favour of certain students, even apart from money considerations. Why aren't these things taken into account? You would think the schools would be aware and on top of this but are they?
1
There is always a business chance when rich families have a problem and they want to make an excuse for that. This is really a smart way to squeeze money from them. There should be nice mantras to describe this scene...... I couldn't come up with.
1
When I was a HS Junior in 2011 I remember having a teacher who the first day of class told us that nobody was going to get an A and she hadn’t given a student an A in 30 years of teaching.
What she really meant was, “I only give As to students who have parents intervene and switch you out of my class.”
The kids who got As were the coddled cohort this article describes and who were gone after day 1. The rest of us plebs could just go rot at lesser colleges after one B ruined plenty of T1 school dreams.
TBF she was probably the first adult who explicitly exposed what was a fairly homogenous group of middle class white kids to real classism.
The kids who didnt have parents to intervene largely reacted in two ways. Overworking themselves to the point of mental breakdowns and bathroom sobbing, or choosing to shrug and take the B and put minimal effort in. True to her word there was in fact 0 As that year.
I worry that the more we enable parents to ‘intervene’ like this the more we get that kind of systematic classism as a result.
I certainly couldn’t compete with the top 10% of students who were meeting with private tutors and coaches every day. We’re no longer really sorting out the best and brightest kids, but the wealthiest.
19
That teacher sounds like a moron.
5
That teacher was unprofessional and a bully. What a mean thing to tell students. That’s not teaching.
7
When I was in high school and got stuck on an algebra problem while doing homework, I would go outside and smash rocks with a sledgehammer. then I would come back into the house and work some more.
17
A few years ago, I taught elementary school. Once in a heated parent meeting - with their child facing a just, appropriate punishment - I explained to them that " ... you are robbing your child of the opportunity to learn from her mistakes." That didn't go over too well.
This article is an alarming echo of a certain parental fear. These kids seem glaringly affluent, with privilege, support and access.
And yet the parents, driven by a wildly unrealistic need for their children to be flawlessly perfect, have created the weakest, saddest sort of young person imaginable: one who cannot tolerate failure, cannot figure out how to grow from difficult circumstances, cannot accept - or even realize - that life is, at times, full of wrenching disappointment.
All which, of course, make one's extraordinary accomplishments and hard-earned successes all that much sweeter - when one does triumph in the face of true and multiple adversities.
28
First of all, I can't imagine what any responsible adult would be doing in the bedroom of a 16 year old girl (parents home or not). As a teacher and sometimes tutor I never will be alone with a student outside of school and if in school, doors are always open and we sit across a desk. I also wonder if this yet another part of education profit arena that really need not exist. Part of growing up learning to deal with challenges and for almost all students, parents and/or teachers can provide support and guidance. Of course, it is always nice to know that there are plenty of people willing to charge hundreds of dollars an hour for their "services." Maybe I'm just old but everyone i know managed without an SAT tutor and all of the other education profiteering businesses that now exist. Do kids really need a college counselor to help them write their essay? Even if people are willing to pay for this, is their any evidence students benefit from these "services?" My guess is no but since there is nothing but anecdotal evidence and self-promotion (clearly not limited to education), that's what we get.
12
So what happens to these kids when they go off to college?
7
They quickly have breakdowns. Or have their parents run interference throughout their college careers. Or both.
15
Why (and my 21 year old son asks this also) is this generation so worried? They absolutely freak out over nothing. My laid back son (don't ask me why) has had to talk down more friends from a proverbial ledge since he was 14 than I have ever had to in my 57 years. I have friends whose kids have gone fetal after a semester of college. I just can't see what parents or society or social media is doing that takes a perfectly lovely child with various strengths and weaknesses and makes them a complete basket case.
15
success, success, success. What an obsession. It is poisoning the parents and the children. It was bad enough when we turned artistically gifted children into dancing bears. Now we are doing the same with kids n general. What a travesty.
12
this disgusts me. Whoever wrote this has their affluenza blinders on TIGHT: "New York mothers and fathers already pay to help their children get ahead, or just stay on pace, from coaching for kindergarten gifted and talented tests, to subject tutoring, SAT prep and help with writing their college essays." I'm wondering if this person has ever considered the New York parents who can't afford such things and must simply parent.
11
I thought this job belonged to the parents.
21
humans are social animals and need to feel safe and supported and that someone cares about them
yesterday at child care a new girl who had previously been a brilliant extrovert beaming happiness with her new playmates was strangely sad and moping alone - perhaps her friend was not there - she shook her head repeatedly at invitations and requests from others
so I finally encouraged her - first at hula hoop 'that's it - keep going!' - then at a 'twist the steering wheel to go' ride-on car - just watching, smiling, she kept coming back, going round and around, smiling a little more each time, finally attracting another girl to lead and follow her around until finally she looked nice and happy again.
Just attention - time spent with another - seems to make kids glow.
Reminds me of my rarely-seen hard-working busy high-income father - let me charge whatever I wanted at a local store - yet every time I did that I felt he was trying to buy my love with money instead of what I really wanted - time connecting in a meaningful relationship with my father.
13
My concern about Homework Therapists' as they're described here is that their training and background is so unclear (and prices ridiculously high). Attention Magazine just published an article about when and how to choose a tutor, academic coach, or therapist for support as needed, including recommended training for each. As a learning specialist with years of training in learning theory, I can attest to the fact that there is more to know about providing solid academic support than training in a specific therapeutic model and school experience of one's own. And, any good academic coach explicitly teaches the student to perform independently as part of their work together.
In addition, it's important to spread the word that free academic support is often available through peer tutors at schools and at some public libraries. In addition, the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001, mandated that some schools offer free before and after school tutoring programs. Remember, some students are simply trying to polish their reading, writing and math literacy skills...not improve their test scores.
31
Hard to say where lies the problem. Take me for example. My high school grades weren't good, math were bad. I graduated, but my poor math skills were why I quit college. Fast forward to me in my 30s; I'm married to a math professor! I decide to go back to college and he becomes my tutor. It was difficult--for us both!--but I worked very hard and earned A's and B's in every course, even algebra and calculus. I even took an extra math course because I thought it would be useful.
What did my 35-year-old self do that my 18-year-old self could not? I honestly don't know. But at 18 I had poor time management and study skills. I also never asked for help. At 35 I got my first A in math, and with a new confidence in myself, I wanted to prove to myself I could keep it up. Even with a PhD in math my husband often had difficulty teaching me and he gained a new appreciation for those who teach basic math. I learned to deconstruct word problems into 'what you know' and 'what you want to know' and turn it into a solvable equation, a skill I still use. The older me also learned to ask for help. It was my grade and I was paying for every credit out of my own pocket. I finally had a GPA I was proud of.
I graduated magna cum laude from Virginia Tech. My 18-year-old self could not have done this. But I couldn't have done it without help from my husband, family, friends, classmates, professors. There is help in many places, often for free. Learning takes time, effort. There are no shortcuts.
38
I think having less pressure helps.
I was a good student in my teens and 20s and graduated with honors. However, it was with a lot of hard work and no small amount of stress. After a few years of working, I went back to school for my 2nd grad degree -- funded by the government - and also continued to get paid working part of the time. I still worked hard but this time, I knew exactly what I wanted to get out of every class and how what I was learning would apply to my field. I was no longer shy and would regularly ask questions in class, interact with my younger classmates. I graduated again with honors but with much less stress the 2nd time. It definitely helped that I knew I already had a job regardless of my grades.
3
@FRITZ - Congratulations! That's quite and accomplishment!
I have not had a chance to read every comment but I have read every word of this article. So many of the comments are derisive about the kids and the parents and can not see this for what it really is. This is all about the slippery slope or the cliff off the perch of the top 1 to top 0.1%. The parents in these families are rich or well-off professionals. They know all too well that life in the US is rigged against the bottom 99.9%.
They want the best for their kids.
THE PROBLEM is the economic conditions that terrify even those that benefit from our current state of inequality.
You say that a "B" is not so bad. BUT the top schools wont take a kid with B.
So it is a disaster, if you want to stay in the top 1%.
You say that you went or your kids went to the local state school and you did fine. That may be true. But, that was true in the past. What will happen in the future? Can you really say that the standard of living for the bottom 99% is what is was 10, 20, 30 years ago. You can not say that because it is not true.
The parents in these families know that their kids need to be near perfect to stay in the top 1%.
This is a story of what parents will do if they want their kids to be able to maintain their current standard of living.
The problem is how impossible that is in our current society. One false move and you plunge to the bottom.
A member of the bottom 99%.
36
I guess what got lost is that cream rises. It's not necessary to get into a top school immediately after high school. That degree from a top school looks the same as a transfer from junior college or at the graduate level as it does from freshman admission, and it is much more easily obtained.
Besides, 99% is a big, big number.
6
I hope someone has begun a long-term study of these kids. I want to know how they handle college, first jobs, marriage and parenthood, aging. At what point, and how effectively, will they be able to handle what are generally considered ordinary rites of passage for human beings? Or will they need therapists at every stage?
7
I'm a tutor in NYC and I although I know it's easy to see this as a case of coddled rich kids, these kids are not in an enviable position at all. They usually have wealthy and high-achieving parents, and go to schools full of kids from similar families. These types of parents are often extremely overbearing and have very high expectations, and the schoolwork is very demanding. Their whole lives are spent being shuttled between various planned activities and tutoring sessions, and every B+ on a math quiz is a family crisis. The problem here is not the kids, it's the parents and more broadly it's a culture that measures peoples' worth by their ability to engage in non-stop competition in everything they do. Not wanting to do hours of homework every night and stressing out about exams when you're constantly made to feel that your value as a person depends on
your last grade on a quiz are pretty natural human responses.
158
How many kids have hidden disabilities that are making homework harder than it has to be? Undiagnosed visual processing disorder or auditory processing disorder, executive function deficits, and/or a mind that thinks primarily in pictures instead of words, can make reading and listening in a school environment exhausting. At home, they are supposed to continue the frenetic pace. To what end? Where's the fire? If a child takes longer, or needs to do it a different way--read in small type with no glare on an eReader, learn by watching videos with subtitles as supplements, listen to the audio book while reading the next--why is it a disaster? Slow down and get it right. Help them learn how they best learn and and how they best stay organized. The race is a race to nowhere--and that's a documentary worth watching.
Too often, kids get to college and need remedial help. Talk to a professor who had to throw out the syllabus because the incoming freshman weren't prepared academically. The cramming, emphasis on testing, and excessive homework need to go.
www.SensorySmartParent.com
10
Here's some free homework counselling from a longtime teacher. Put down the phones and read proactively. There is absolutely no vocabulary drill, no test prep, nada, and certainly no handholding that will replace engaging yourself deeply in the imaginative and verbal world of novels, poetry, and nonfiction. Every other country in the world gets this. You will perform verbally precisely on the level you read for pleasure.
74
Years ago as a high schools student I used to tutor a couple of younger neighborhood girls in math (I would say we were all lower-middle-class). For one, simply sitting down with her and getting her to focus on her homework was all it took to get her from Ds to As in just a few months (she was very bright, just easily distracted). For the other, more hand holding and confidence boosting at least got her up to Cs (her parents were thrilled she was no longer failing). I was 16-17yo at the time and only charged about $10/hr (which was a luxury for their parents and for me) Had I only know how much more I could have charged to the richer kids on the other side of town, but that was a long time ago.
6
Based on experience with one of the clinical psychologists profiled in this article, I would urge extreme caution. My child was diagnosed with a severe learning issue supposedly based on extensive testing. The report we were given seemed in no way to describe our child; the learning disability did happen to be the psychologist's field of research. We were urged to employ a homework "therapist" and extensive tutoring. Until then our child's problem had focused on certain mathematical concepts; he was in all other ways an enormously successful student We took a big step back and consulted with teachers who knew our child well; they found the diagnosis equally absurd. We did hire a math tutor for a few months to help our child fill in some gaps that the school's rather erratic math department had created. Said child went off to an Ivy and did brilliantly; he was, however, not a math whiz. Much of this industry is being fueled by the parents' wealth, ignorance and narcissism. It is also often a matter of trying to fit square pegs into round holes. Any "difference" is a disability; any discrepancy between verbal and math abilities is a crisis. As a parent, upper middle class but not in the stratosphere, I also have seen how many doors automatically open for those who attend elite universities--it is hard not to want that for your child. That said, I would be wary of professionals bearing diagnoses that don't seem to fit--and require endless hours of their services.
30
Three points: (1) To whom do low income students go when they can't navigate homework?; (2) Good teachers/tutors/educators always need to pay attention to a student's psycho-social position as it affects learning; and (3) Is the homework given quality work and creative and learning enhancing? Just saying.
15
In my son's old district, teachers tutored students during daily RTI time through 8th grade, and in high school and during lunch while the teacher and student eat (extra long lunch periods are necessary due to limited lunch facilities). Videos from Khan Academy and the textbook company plus software from ALECS and the like fill in.
RTI (Response to Intervention) gives help more quickly than waiting for special ed evaluations and services, but isn't supposed to be a substitute for it. But when budgets are tight, kids can linger in RTI with the general ed teachers, parents, and students not knowing why that child is struggling so.
Better teacher training, more money for public schools, and fully funding IDEA, the federal law governing special ed, would help.
Is the homework quality homework? Maybe not!
And too often, people in the community think the problem is "that child doesn't want to learn." Baloney. Kids do well if they can, as author Ross Greene, PhD, has pointed out. We're the ones failing them--and if they can't afford a tutor and are in a poor district, they're totally dependent on the schools to somehow serve all students--even if 20 percent qualify for special ed, which is a common percentage in large urban school districts.
2
This is pretty much what I was doing as a tutor for college students anyway. I'm glad to see people are now acknowledging the actual work that goes into tutoring. Wish this came out 10 years ago so I could have marketed myself better.
9
1) Math word problems combine the best of times and the worst of times for many students. ["It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness...."] With students often believing their verbal and math talents are asymmetrical, word problems often play to at least one of the student's weaknesses, immediately raising the issue of confidence.
2) Since many math word problems can be layered and often become more complex with these deepening layers, a gifted tutor can help the student focus on the solution process with a degree of detachment and confidence often unavailable to the student in his or her lone efforts. By helping the student keep track of data points, correct early pure errors in multiplication, addition or number transpositions, that would cumulatively grow and disrupt this solution process uncorrected; are all vital functions provided by the expertise, detachment and confidence of good tutors.
3) The kid's perspective, via his or her grit with its charged emotional commitment, and the student's general inexperience with the subject matter, can result in bright students failing to clear early hurdles via their own, often myopic, correctable errors. With more math reps, just like exposure to a greater inventory of words in Literature, underlying patterns can become more apparent to a student.
4) Good tutors play a vital role in reinforcing the short-term self-confidence and grit of students that then often extends longer term.
[W 4/4 2:31p Greenville NC]
6
okay, I clicked just to read the comment section. there, I said it.
32
You think it's bad in elementary school? The administration at the community college where I teach relentlessly pushes us to coddle students; provide them with rubrics; let them make up tests, quizzes, and essays. All while paying us a stipend less than I made as a T.A. twenty-five years ago. Legally, they have to provide accommodations for disability, of course, and a lot of our students have learning disabilities. A student who has been diagnosed with anxiety is entitled to a private space in which to take a test and extra time in which to take it.
2
Quit, if you feel that way. I have a friend with your job. She loves it--and she teaches her students how they learn best and what accommodations are helpful for them, unleashing the power of their own motivation. Many are shocked to realize how smart they are.
If you don't do multiple choice timed tests for your jobs, why do you have a problem with a person with anxiety disorder, or a processing disorder for that matter, getting extra time and a low-stimulating place in which to do the tests?
Pre-college personal skills can't be taught when K-12 becomes all about the multiple choice tests. See: No Child Left Untested.
Alas, I don't know who will replace you--true of so many low-paying teaching jobs these days. Thank goodness there are people in the community who don't believe kids are lazy--and instead are familiar with ACE scores, learning disabilities, and very real diagnoses such as anxiety.
9
They sound like substitute parents.
10
No, bright or struggling students generally reject their parent’s help with academics, even when they need it and ask for help, it most often causes tremendous friction. Parents are often unequipped to help re. the academic content or the pedagogical techniques to effectively teach their kids. These tutors are one-on-one teachers who understand the emotional aspects of learning. The pressure of the academic requirements in cities like NY placed on kids make the emotional support necessary, regardless of the tutor’s training.
20
They seem like substitute parents because they ARE substitute parents.
Why not outsource all aspects of being a parent? Except for the tax benefits, of course..
16
1) Math word problems combine the best of times and the worst of times for many students. ["It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness...."] With students often believing their verbal and math talents are asymmetrical, word problems often play to at least one of the student's weaknesses, immediately raising the issue of confidence.
2) Since many math word problems can be layered and often become more complex with these deepening layers, a gifted tutor can help the student focus on the solution process with a degree of detachment and confidence often unavailable to the student in his or her lone efforts. By helping the student keep track of data points, correct early pure errors in multiplication, addition or number transpositions, that would cumulatively grow and disrupt this solution process uncorrected; are all vital functions provided by the expertise, detachment and confidence of good tutors.
3) The kid's perspective, via his or her grit with its charged emotional commitment, and the student's general inexperience with the subject matter, can result in bright students failing to clear early hurdles via their own, often myopic, correctable errors. With more math reps, just like exposure to a greater inventory of words in Literature, underlying patterns can become more apparent to a student.
4) Good tutors play a vital role in reinforcing the short-term self-confidence and grit of students that then often extends longer term.
[W 4/4 2:39p Greenville NC] cc
Another leg up for the intellectually or IQ challenged children of the upper middle class. Tutor slash psychotherapist, a two in one! How convenient and cost saving too! I love the way parenting is parceled out and paid for by hiring 'specialists'.
Do rich people ever do anything for themselves anymore?
16
Perhaps these children of these wealthy parents (who else could possibly afford this!) are in schools that are far beyond their intellectual capability. Just because the parents are smart enough to have earned tons of money, does not mean that their children are as well. Not all children should be in highly competitive schools, even if the parents can pay for them.
Most children reflect their parent's anxieties. If the parents have confidence in their own ability and in that of their child, the child will pick up on this.
My grandsons go to a highly competitive public magnet HS. I'm always interested when I hear parents of other students talking about how their children at that school were up to 2AM most nights doing homework. According to my daughter, her sons are not - rarely beyond midnight, and this is with one having an after-school job and the other doing intensive athletics in order to play on the college level next year - oh - and a required science fair project. I always wonder what they are actually doing until 2AM -wasting unfocused time?? Or are they truly out of their depth.
I'm just sorry that my late husband, a secondary school math teach in independent schools, was not able to get in on such high pay. He did a lot of math tutoring and when he raised his price from $25-35 a hour, parents complained. But then we don't live in NYC.
Something very wrong in this picture and college is going to be an enormous shock to such students.
7
In our experience, parents who claim their kids don’t have much homework often don’t really know what their kids have to do or how they approach it. My kids’ friends who fall in this category are the kids who don’t really do all the homework. Either they cheat, using others’ work, or the use online shortcuts, or they just don’t complete it and find ways of avoiding detection. There are many kids who seem to go this route, and almost as many parents who seem proud of how little their kids have to work in comparison to others at school.
2
When they are taking multiple AP classes and are getting A's in them, one can assume that the homework IS getting done!!! The proof is in the pudding!
"Just because the parents are smart enough to have earned tons of money"
Strange assumption. I know plenty of brilliant people with modest incomes and lots of dummies raking in the cash. The "scrap metal king" of northern NJ, as an old friend of the family was known, made a fortune and could barely read. There's the argument that he was smart enough to start that business, but I don't think that's what you meant.
3
Homework, means that teachers are failing to do their job during the six or seven hours children are in school being taught.
Test the teachers? Huge push back, the unions go crazy, "unfair!"
Teachers, have to be better at teaching. Relying on a twelve year old to make up the difference with homework is teacher union fantasy.
5
" Relying on a twelve year old to make up the difference with homework is teacher union fantasy. "
Of course. That is the fantasy of teachers and their unions. The fact that teachers complete a state approved 4 year college curriculum, are tested to meet certification requirements, videotaped, fingerprinted, evaluated, and yes, sometimes fired, and must then earn a Masters degree to maintain their license must be a fantasy also.
8
Your assumptions seem so unkind to me. In my daughter's execellent and progressive public elementary school, the principal attempted to eliminate homework. The majority of parents weren't comfortable with that. Our teachers were fine either way.
14
So many fallacious comments from, "Charles," who is obviously a teacher, on Long Island, where teachers and cops are the highest paid in the country. And, yes we have the highest property taxes to show for it, now only partially deductible from our income taxes thanks to Trump, (who won on Long Island).
The biggest one is that teachers can get fired. Huh? The problem is that teachers are never fired, unless they are committing a criminal act, never, for incompetence.
Most people know that education courses in college are the easiest courses to take, including the Masters courses.
And, they themselves, hate to be evaluated in any way. The Common Core Standards have been castigated by teacher and unions since their inception. Teachers, almost universally, weaponize testing in the classroom as punishment to students but heaven forbid they themselves ever get tested.
So, please, teachers on Long Island, put away your books, there's going to be a pop quiz. First question: Why, even with a high salaries, do you not perform as well as teachers in some other states that make 2/3 of what you make? a. Unions b. Unions c. Unions d, All of the above.
1
And teachers used to have to worry about kids chewing gum in class... I can't wait for my first Parent Meeting when Johnny's Homework Therapist will be in attendance as well to tell me why my teaching is not good enough.
11
If a child needs a therapist to get through homework, maybe their parents need to look at the child's curriculum. It could be far too difficult, far too easy, or simply not interesting. Not all children, even very rich children, are interested in a traditional academic program leading to a four-year degree.
13
How will these students ever learn to control their emotions and lives when they leave for college and the work place when they are so pampered?
19
There are college academic 'coaches', job 'coaches' and life 'coaches'.
There are financial 'coaches' and fitness 'coaches'. They're ALL there available to help and guide you through your entire life if you can afford them.
Are there 'death' coaches? I am guessing that there are.
5
What a great idea. I will tap into this business. Hard to believe there are people out there willing to pay somebody $$$$ to teach their offspring time management and problem solving skills. I'm wondering what's going to happen once those kids are in college.
12
I had some basic how to get through life classes in high school and they did wonders for me- but these kids are thrown into heavy duty classes (AP, Honors etc.)- with little reprieve. When they get a break of any kind social media is beating at their doors. There is a cost to the instant information age they are growing up in. I am for any help we can give them! Tutor or otherwise.
5
Oh, could I have used one of these people back when! Great idea
3
How about this, stop with the insane amounts of homework. When my kids were in school ridiculous homework expectations ruined our family life.
Other thing: "fortunately" one of our kids had/has ADHD and had an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) which gave him, gasp, study hall instead of electives. He did his homework at school during the school day. With the other kid it was a constant problem, and impacted his school attendance.
Studies have shown that the homework burden does not provide a benefit. The kids who are interested will go the extra mile. You can't make a kid a scholar any more than you can make a kid an athlete, or anything else. This idea that every kid can be a scholar is demeaning to actual scholars.
25
"Studies have shown that the homework burden does not provide a benefit."
Which studies?
"You can't make a kid a scholar any more than you can make a kid an athlete, or anything else."
Then who needs parents?
6
The kids I know at the high school level who don't have study hall are opting to take an extra class to enhance their GPA/profile for colleges. Kids with IEPs often, not always, get a study skills class on top of it. I personally think those in the former category are making a huge mistake in thinking that they have any control over how they appear to colleges.
It just gets curiouser and curiouser.
6
It’s the parents who need therapy, placing unreasonable demands on their anxious children.
35
"... the hefty fees New York mothers and fathers already pay ..."
How many of them pay $200-$600 per hour? 1%, 5%, 10%, 25%, ...?
4
Another article, one of many I have read, that centers on school-related stress. I don't remember experiencing such overwhelming stress when I was in school years ago. Where is it coming from? From parents? From teachers? From guidance counselors? From student peers? Or are students generating it from within because of all these influences? Whatever its origin, it is unhealthy.
16
In our school outside of Boston it is all of the above. A subset of parents are Harvard/MIT at all costs...no other schools are acceptable. The math tutoring now starts at age 3. The kids then bring this baggage with them and it is impossible to keep it away from my kids. (The NY Times wrote an article about it...Lexington HS...and how the district refuses to acknowledge or do anything real about it...instead we have painted rocks!) It is incredibly unhealthy and we have the suicide rates to prove it.
3
Working in an undergraduate program, I must say that I hope these students are "weaned" off their tutors during high school. I see large amounts of students entering freshman year with no idea how to do anything without assistance or one on one mentoring.
Parents are now asking us if we provide private tutors (no, this is college) and social workers to assist in their children success (no, this is college). Many are incredulous when they realize that at the college level, the responsibility to succeed is entirely on the student, rather than a variety of "support" personnel.
57
"at the college level, the responsibility to succeed is entirely on the student"
As a university mathematics professor, it staggers me to realize that college freshmen have no idea that work is required to succeed at the university level. They will either pick up on their responsibilities, or they will fail. It's that simple. University students are shocked to realize that their professors simply do not care whether they fail or succeed. The professor is not your friend, rather your are the focus of his/her apathy.
5
"University students are shocked to realize that their professors simply do not care whether they fail or succeed. The professor is not your friend, rather your are the focus of his/her apathy." (sic)
And university professors might be shocked to find out that the students (and their parents) are their customers. Don't try to go into business with that attitude.
2
If you can't cut it, your buying the wrong product. There are many of kids lined up ready to work hard and compete. And there are many paths in life that are equally honorable, necessary and fulfilling. College isn't for everyone, and far too many people waste their money on it and end up with a 4-year degree that is, essentially, worthless in today's world as compared to many other training/study paths.
1
How can it be a bad thing if a child struggling to meet performance expectations is helped to do so by a caring adult? Whether parents should pay, or do it themselves, or have the school handle it seems beside the point. As long as the child gets the services to help them learn and progress everyone can celebrate. Homework therapy is just another name for what adults have been doing to help school children for years in after school centers, tutoring sessions and evenings around the dining room table.
13
Tutoring, yes -- but tutoring should not cost $200-$600 even in Manhattan! at the price, you are paying for "something else" -- perhaps a smart adult who will do the homework FOR your child.
When payment is wildly out of balance with services rendered, we KNOW something is very wrong.
On top of this: tutoring is assisting a slow student with complex homework. It is not listening to Spotify -- it is not making glitter globes -- it is not handed out scented Play Dough.
This is a scam.
5
If there were smaller classrooms, then teachers would have more time to spend with individual students, and give them the same kind of support.
Solutions exist for all these types of problems but they are not free--at best they rely on dedicated volunteers to close the gap. We as taxpayers just choose not do what is necessary.
11
This can't be real!!! I can only imagine a world in 20 some years where decision makers are coddled by their therapist just to come to a decision, let alone how good the decision is. This is helicopter parenting at its zenith -- parents with too much money than brains and effort in figuring out how to do the job of parenting. Its high time parents come to realize that success is built on failure, and learning from it, then it is on success. These kids are learning how to be "successful" not understanding what the word means. I pity the kids as they're being robbed of their future happiness and abilities.
12
We tried a version of this with one of my kids, and it was so ridiculous that we stopped after a few months. The tutor-therapist was way too involved with actually doing the homework rather than tutoring our daughter to do it herself. And the tutor worked with several kids in the same math class, so knew the homework inside and out.
It was too expensive and too gross. My kids still struggles with math but gets help at school. Thank God our kids go to public school so the help is available and it isn't assumed that paying for tutors is part of the cost of having children.
16
A good tutor obviously doesn’t do the homework for the kid.
5
An eye opening article. Learning disabilities are all about the need for any type of support, that allows the student to achieve and excel in life and I applaud them and this service sounds excellent.
But for most students, is too much support not allowing the student to learn the skills they will need as they move through high school, college and into a career? Coaching, mentoring and training, seldom in my experience, happens for every new employee in every field. You are expected to perform and no one will hold your hand, guide you or even at times answer questions.
Does this type of support, setup some young people for failure someday, when they enter the business world and must perform without that safety net?
4
Do parents need "therapy" to learn to back off and allow each child to grow, learn, and sometimes fail at their own pace. Unconditional love and caring support (not fanciest schools, best tutors, etc.) are the best ingredients for success.
19
Is this some kind of a joke? Homework therapists? We are raising kids who are spoiled, coddled and prepared to face nothing in life without an "emotional support animal." In many countries, parents demand more homework for their kids; in America it's the opposite. And we are shocked that we rank in the middle of pack in scholastic achievement. Coping?! It's called life!! Deal with it.
26
What terrific irony: wealthy parents pay psychiatrist prices for a tutor who helps their child “take better notes...and manage their parents.”
18
My parents were not wealthy, and they couldn't do my math homework, either. This is a really good thing
8
I am a new elementary school counselor and do all of techniques for free. Parents shouldn't have to spend thousands of dollars on "homework therapists" when most schools already have in-house professionals.
17
Why aren’t these advantages, if such they are, provided to all students regardless of wealth? Interesting answer to that question.
And I’ve tutored for 25 years—calming kids (or adults) down, going “off-topic” into affective issues, and all the rest is just common sense. Not sure about aromatherapy but what works is what works—placebo effect or not. I once let a kid take one of my pencils into her SAT. It worked; for some reason, that calmed her down. Great; use whatever you can use.
9
Yes, I charge on a sliding scale—sometimes sliding to zero. Yet I had to jack my rate up to stratospheric levels or else people thought I was no good. No matter how much I slide. Another odd fact.
14
As someone who has done private tutoring in New York City for over 20 years, this seems like a perfectly logical evolution. As many have commented, part of the problem is unrealistic expectation on the part of parents, as parents have always played out their own insecurities on their children. Many who comment here that the kids should just suck it up and work through their problems, would be aghast if we were to apply that same logic to social safety nets, i.e., that is poor people just suck it up and figure out your problems. Sometimes people CAN work it through. Sometimes people get beaten down buy a system they didn't create. Homework therapy will make a lot of sense for a lot of kids.
11
Rich kids are not being "beaten down" by a system like poor or minority or disenfranchised people.
And you can't make someone be responsible or do homework by giving them glitter glue, scented Play Dough, video games, etc. This is nothing but pandering.
6
Rich kids with learning disabilities such as ADHD, or just a different learning style, can certainly be beaten down by a system that favors those who can sit still and focus for hours at a time.
6
Teenagers who are still children - why? Because they never had an actual childhood.
The most crucial skills are learned in free play with other children, undirected by adults. If a boy goes into the woods with his buddies, and they figure out what to do there on their own, then he is learning something more valuable than a school lesson. Play leads to emotional growth, self-control, and organization. If everything you do from the time you are a baby is organized and directed by adults, you will never learn these skills.
28
Of course, it's not just "a boy" who benefits from time in the woods with friends. Please include all kids!
3
Evidently, we should abolish education.
Word
I wish "homework therapy" had been a thing when I was young. I was in my late 40s by the time I figured out that my deep-rooted conviction that I was not not very bright was actually what made learning difficult for me.
13
This is something that should be available through public school for all kids that need it. As it is, it is just one more thing to unlevel the playing field, especially when it comes to getting into colleges.
14
Yes...individual help does need to be available to all; however, lots of budget strapped school districts are forced to cut counseling and the arts.
There are reasons why teachers are striking for higher wages in red states (no unions, GOP cuts to education, anti-tax sentiments).
3
I participate in a reading program for first graders in an inner-city elementary school, as a volunteer. The kids are little sponges; they want to learn everything. They ask questions about everything in the world. Some of them can read chapter books at age 6 or 7, while some struggle to sound out words, and everything in between. Their teacher, in my opinion, is an unsung heroine, devising simple yet ingenious projects for them. I look forward to my stints with them. I would eagerly work with older students if the opportunity arose. My daughter taught middle school in inner-city Boston for 15 years. Her students were also little sponges, eager to learn. The fact that the children in this article are getting all this extra help is great, but it demonstrates, once again, the gap between the rich and poor. Wealthy kids are introduce to, and surrounded by, books in their homes. They also have access to distracting electronics. They're excited for vacations and the trips those breaks promise. My daughter's former students did not look forward to vacations because often it meant they didn't get breakfast or lunch, and that meant no food for the entire day--a world away from aromatherapy oils ad $200-per-hour psychological tutoring.
62
A few years ago I founded a non-profit math tutoring program in a pizza shop in Boston's Roxbury neighborhood. We are called PieRSquared (www.piersquared.org). Students receive free snacks (pizza, milk & cookies, etc.) if they accept free math tutoring. We cover basic math thru AP Calc and AP Stats, and are staffed entirely by volunteer tutors, many of them retired Ph.D.s and grad students. We have hundreds of students participate and gain confidence in their abilities in math and in life. It is a community project in a poor neighborhood, rich with students, hard work and the commitment of math tutors. It is true that one must first earn the trust of a child, and with encouragement and consistency, we always find that students are eager to learn. This could be done in any pizza shop in America. Make it free, make it fun and show students you believe in them.
168
I love this. This is the same neighborhood in which my daughter used to teach middle school English. Many of her students went on to college, even though no one in their families had ever attended (some began at community colleges in the Boston area, so yes, Mr. Trump, we KNOW what a community college is). I applaud your efforts and wish you many more years of success! This is what we need to be doing.
10
Beth - Have you heard of "Wash & Learn"? Similar idea, teaching ELA to kids while their parents do laundry in laundromat in East NY.
2
As a matter of course, we are placing all this stress-inducing homework on students? For students with various challenges, be they learning disabilities or organizational ones, help is wonderful. Teaching them both stress management and organizational/planning skills can reap a lifetime of benefits. The long-term results will differ, with the students’ differing abilities and willingness.
Are we however placing unrealistic, counterproductive expectations on scores of students as evidenced by the growing levels of stress in an increasing proportion of the student population?
And as others have pointed out - why not provide the opportunity for all students to learn, practice and build upon organizational, planning and stress management skills?
My child learned much of this in elementary school, a public school, where it was part of the curriculum. He needed that opportunity, having some perceptual deficits that made learning a bit challenging. That he employed and continues to employ those skills, without the family hounding him, is in large part due to his nature and our luck. Part of this success can be attributed to our continued assessment of the education our kids needed and what they were receiving. And in larger part, to our ability to move to a district that would provide it.
Irrespective of helicopter parenting or the other side of the coin, don’t we want all our children to do well, to have success? They are after all, the future of our country and our world.
5
I hate seeing all these negative comments.
If Manhattan parents can afford the money but don’t have the skills or time to perform this role, so be it.
For those who volunteer with low resource youngsters, Kudos!
For my colleagues and I who do our best during school hours to perform the role of coach, teacher, organizer and stress management skills advisor to our mostly middle class student population, we deserve a pat on the back too.
For all who help students be their best selves, the world is a better place.
46
Is it really "therapy", or just good teaching? Every student, no matter what the diagnosis, benefits from learning how to study, organize, and use executive functioning strategies. And, every good teacher strives to foster a positive and mentoring approach with their students. That’s what good teaching is all about.
15
While in college (state university) i tutored calculus to chem majors, pharmacy, econ, psych, and others who just needed that one math class as a requirement for their majors. I essentially enjoyed it, and was nice to help students (hopefully) pass a class that would have otherwise held up their degrees and career choices. But no amount of money could be worth pampering this pack of snowflakes. So what do they do in the real world when their job becomes too stressful and the project won't be finished by deadline. smh.
5
As I read it, the optimal outcome is that these tutors impart coping and management mechanisms, which can be incorporated and built on into a student's adult life.
12
As the parent of a child who benefits from such tutoring, I find the tone of this article troubling. It reads like yet another "oh-how-the-rich-spoil-their-children" narrative when in fact I think you'd likely find that many children---wealthy and otherwise---require extra supports such as in-class guidance from paraprofessionals (often paid by a local DOE) or outside tutoring. Yet, again, another article targeting the individuals not the system. Our n of 1: My 7 yo son relies on a tutor b/c he's struggling to learn how to read. Our local DOE has not yet granted the supports required to help him learn the basics. It's costly and we sacrifice in other areas to make it possible. We are so far from this image presented of helicopter parents trying to get our kid into an Ivy... I imagine you'd find a large percentage of families relying on such services are also filling the gap where schools are failing to serve their students. Also, here's something to consider: Why is it so easy for us to question the value of female dominated professions (yes, I'm assuming that tutoring, like OT and speech therapy, is a profession dominated by women) like this? My point: there's more than just class bias under-girding this article. How is it that we as a culture so value education and success but not the actual inputs to such success?
63
EC - does your child go to a private school?
I find that the tutor-theapist phenomenon to be more prevalent among private school kids, not only because their parents can pay the steep bills but because many public schools provide a lot of support for kids who are struggling - private schools often do not.
7
I agree with you completely. My daughter really suffered - and I mean suffered - from anxiety in 5th grade. I️t was mainly social, but somehow math got involved into it and her grades plummeted. Her dad and I are both supportive, open people, not focused on grades or achievement just for the numbers, and we were at our wits end. We hired a therapist to come to our house to help our daughter learn coping skills that she was simply not able to hear from us, and a tutor to support her in keeping up with math. She started 6th grade and completely transformed. I believe I️t was a combination of time, maturity, and the support we were able to afford her from these outside helpers that allowed her to make these changes. She now doesn't love math, but the anxiety has lessened and she now knows ways to help herself and be independent. These are skills I see her use every day and which will carry her through her life. The judgmental tone of this piece is not recognizing how helpful our modern skills can be, and how bringing in outside help can make a huge difference.
16
How old is this son learning to read? High school age? That would not be a failure of the school but a dis/ability of the child.
This seems to be perpetuating an alarming trend among parents (especially affluent parents). Their child can be gifted or their child can have special needs; their child can NOT be "average." Somehow being "average" or just "above average" has become a stigma. The stress and anxiety that this puts on children is palpable and destroy their love of education for the sake of learning.
44
JC - I think it's just that we never see articles about "average" children with "normal" parents. Reading about education- and parenting-related issues, you'd think this kind of thing is more prevalent than it really is.
You have an important point. Which kids get into MIT? The ones with 4.0 and 1600 SATs who've been tutored and parented into glory, or those who with the same grades and scores who still have some autonomy, and some enthusiasm for learning? I guarantee it's the latter. Given that MIT (and probably the Ivies) could put together 3 cohorts of students just as good as the ones they admit from the pool they don't admit, I'd have to say, give up your dreams of Ivy glory, parents, if brilliance and educational thirst doesn't come naturally for your kids. Love them and do your best for them to make them good hardworking citizens anyway.
A lot of these people commenting seem to have substantial anger directed at students they do not know, some of which his obviously based in financial bias. These commenters also have no understanding of what life in a New York City private school is like. Yes, it is a great education. But it comes with insane expectations and immense competition. For many kids, from all kinds of homes, it can be overwhelming, especially in combination with having to navigate all the social and emotional factors. If a tutor can help calm and focus a student so that they produce their best work with less stress, why is that so terrible? I grew up in a middle-class household and went to public schools, and I wish I had had the benefit of an experienced tutor to help me learn better study skills and test-taking techniques. Demonizing students and parents over this seems awfully petty.
35
Finally a reason other than traffic to appreciate the midwest.
I have been a volunteer with a local organization for the past four years that puts together one-on-one mentoring matches. The organization partners with the Cambridge Housing Authority and public schools to ensure that services are targeted to students with greatest need. Combining mentoring and tutoring roles is nothing new, and is in fact vital for students who face being potentially left behind due to the widening opportunity gap.
As an extremely lucky elite university graduate myself, I'm sure I could charge wealthy kids money for such services (or any other number of academic/test prep tutoring) - but why? The kids from families who can pay $200-600 per session are, by and large, not those with true academic need. I'd rather earn $0 and feel like I'm making a real impact by helping kids who are struggling precisely because of the uneven playing field. Plus, there are so many ways for someone in such a position to make money that I view this kind of vocation pretty negatively. Its opportunistic, both feeding off and fueling the mass hysteria of affluent families who can't stomach the idea that their kid may not get into Harvard.
I do hope that these "homework therapists" are at least involved in sharing their skills with those in need.
41
There was a time when teachers taught and counselors counselled. Now teachers administer and counselors flail. Homework Therapists are yet another example of your tax savings at work--well done anti-tax ideologues.
3
I am sorry but it seems the moment you have children you join an alternate reality to the real world - yet one day your child will have to enter the real world and we don't give a darn about your entitlements
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Wonderful ideas, but what about students who lack the funds?
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Let me suggest that schools provide simple strategies all students can use.
My favorite strategy is to motivate students to help other students, all the time.
I call it the GOLDEN RULE for SCHOOL: study in order to teach other kids
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Think of all the years we spend in school simply absorbing knowledge, but without doing much with what we learn. It's like an apprenticeship without pay.
Why not motivate students with a GOLDEN RULE for SCHOOL?
Help fellow students to learn and become a better student in the process.
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Also, learning MATH may turn kids into PERFECTIONISTS.
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When it comes to math, there is a right answer and a wrong answer. Speed becomes important. The slow student, who makes mistakes may become discouraged. So, students should be encouraged to keep trying, as imperfectionists.
(See: "Building a Better Teache"r by Elizabeth Green)
www.SavingSchools.org
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it would be cool if this organization would donate a portion of their time to helping families that can't afford their full rates. while beneficial to some(rich kids) the model is simply another peg in the widening opportunity gap.
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I volunteer in a tutoring program in a housing project in which we coach young students through their homework, model organization, cultivate a "growth mindset," and so forth, at no charge to parents.
When I taught middle school we always had students across the spectrum from indigent to affluent who had difficulty organizing themselves to get through their assignments and whose parents were at their wits end about how to help them learn what educators call "executive function." We enlisted teachers to take on such students outside of class- not their own students but other teachers students so that the relationship would be different- to mentor the student, which consisted of help with organization and checking in across all their assignments and classes. There was no charge.
The idea in each case was to build the skills for independent student-hood after the intervention.
So the service described here isn't new or uncommon. Only the price tag is.
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"...the $100 billion tutoring industry."
You sure about that figure? That would make tutoring more than twice as large as the global film industry or about the same as American Airlines, Delta and United combined.
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Pat - I'm not at all surprised by that number. If you include test prep (SAT's etc.), the sums that families are spending is incredible. But this is definitely an Acela corridor phenomenon - I don't think this happens in Arkansas.
It's a global figure
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jamesmarshallcrotty/2012/10/30/global-priva...
As someone who wasn't diagnosed with ADD until my 50s - I might have benefited from some sort of organizational training...if not simply being observed occasionally by someone who understood "different" learning. But that was the 70s, the work didn't seem challenging, and my tendency to jump from one subject to the next was labeled a "healthy curiosity".
Then I hit college -- I couldn't focus...and I didn't know what to do. Had I been introduced to homework therapy, perhaps I would have known what was going on in my head and been able to reach out for assistance.
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This is simply ridiculous. It is just homework. Homework is the student's responsibility and there are guidelines for the amount of homework each grade level should assign. In elementary school one of the purposes of homework is simply to teach students how to take an assignment home ( even if it takes only ten minutes to complete ) and to bring it back to school. The content of the homework should simply be little more practice. Teachers do teach organization strategies in school, parents have to get out of the way and let their child succeed of fail as their children PRACTICE becoming responsible for their own work. The other issue here is that all parents expect that their children will earn A grades. Students are told that if you work hard enough you should be earning an A. Remember the days when only a few students earned straight A grades? The stress on these students comes from a society and parents that expect the best from students 100 percent of the time and does not allow for play, growth and learning at difference paces. This all goes back to the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT that was designed to make sure students and teachers and schools were seen as failing. The testing culture that came as a result of that ACT changed the focus of schools, parents, teachers, schools and the public. IT has been one big tragedy.
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Working with adults with ADHD and learning disabilities, it becomes clear that real neuropsychological differences exist and many describe the shame and demoralization that followed from not having had help. Many have subsequently done well as adults when in some cases treated with medication, given tools for organization and planning and/or steered towards areas where their strengths function best.
Culturally and economically, a tremendous amount of skill in the areas of both executive function and emotion regulation are becoming heavily favored. This is likely part of the reason women are outpacing men in areas such as college or professional (eg medical school) education. Failure to address these is likely part of the Trump backlash among those who formerly could niche into occupations that emphasized other skill sets and differences (eg visual-spacial). We neglect these students and citizens at our peril as a nation and economy unless the goal is to generate a permanent underclass.
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Hmmm...let me see if I have this right- high school student refuses to do (euphemistically referred to as "failed to turn in " LOL) home work, tutor is hired, and reward for yelling at tutor is to be allowed more screen time, or listening to pop music on paid Spotify account ? And you wonder why these kids struggle ? And what message does it send when yet another Manhattanite parent "doesnt have the time" , between Soul cycle class and lunching at Zabars, to monitor their kids and supply the necessary discipline and expectations just to get HOMEWORK done ? No its "not" all right if it "works"- it causes an entire generation fo kids to be messed up, neurotic, spoiled, ungrounded, irresponsible,unproductive, manipulative, mentally indolent and emotionally immature.
And i can assume these same kids have anxieties about doing their chores (oh, I forgot-what is a chore ? For that matter please explain what is meant by "personal responsibility " ?)
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You got it all wrong - Dalton gives you math homeworks so large that you have no time to write your 25 pages English essay or Bio Lab report. These schools give much more work to their pupils than public schools do.
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I know, right? I (a white mom) tiger parented the heck out of my kids. They are successful, and not neurotic, and for the life of me, I have no idea why. They had to work, practice instruments, play a simple sport, volunteer, turn in homework, take AP courses and exams, and do chores. You'd think they'd be basket cases, but they are confident, hard working and well paid.
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What are they like as human beings? Are they compassionate, generous, altruistic and loving? If so, then your parenting was successful.
Eyeroll.
Dealing with stress, long term assignments and time management are key adult skills.
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Exactly. So are you criticizing people for getting help to develop said "key adult skills"? These tutors aren't doing the assignments for the students.
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Adult skills that many kids struggle with and need to be taught. Some need more support than others, we are not all equal, imagine that.
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I tend to think all children can do well in primary school given proper guidance, 80% can do well in middle school, and 50% in high school. Most parents are happy as long as their children do their best, but the rich parents of these poor kids have money to cheat reality.
OFGS As an emeritus professor this is simply an extension of the worst kind of helicopter parenting where parents actually do the homework for the kids. I have no problem at all with students getting therapy for defined conditions. Their ability to do academic work correctly and on time ON THEIR OWN is a good test of whether the therapy works. As a parent of two high achieving girls my job was to provide a suitable atmosphere, encouragement, and emotional support. As a member of society this is simply a way to exacerbate the difference between rich and poor. It makes a mockery of the University selection process unless the tutors and the quantity of tutoring is made part of the application process.
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Add to this -- probably the inspiration, actually -- is the whole disgusting "SAT/ACT prep industry" which allow the rich to "game" these critical tests and get an advantage in college admissions for their own rich brats over those kids who parents cannot afford to spend $5000-$10,000 on "prep" classes, books, coaching, etc.
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your title and parenting successes aside, your definition of helicopter parenting is self-serving and dismissive. somehow when other parents have tutors help them provide guidance and support to their children it's helicopter parenting, but when you do it personally it's not?
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Vince - The issue is 2-3 hours of homework EVERY night in elementary school - and 4-6 hours of homework EVERY night in high school - and huge complex projects due the day after a break - and even high achieving elementary school students, whose teacher evaluations depend on increases in standardized test scores, being told by teachers and school admin that they'll be left back a grade if they don't get 95+ on standardized state tests (told this every year, before test taking season starts and school curriculum shifts solely to test prep). It's about college admissions that are so competitive kids who used to be considered "typical" with a B to A- average, a part time job or one club or sports team, get shut out of admissions (and, in NY where CUNY and SUNY is now free for low income families, competition for admissions to even these schools is fierce). And college tuition that 99% of Americans can't afford. This is not solely, or maybe even substantially, about parental ego. It's also the difference between the emotional and intellectual development of our kids. They maybe able to intellectually process academics that they are not emotionally developed enough to handle stress of that academic undertaking. And it starts in KINDERGARTEN - at least in our NYC elementary school where Common Core meant kids have to be reading by end of year. Entire US Education System asks too much of our kids.
1
I volunteer mentor a fifth grade girl who attends a rigorous charter school. She is loaded down with 1-2 hours of homework every night, plus an hour of required independent reading. Forget taking a break during vacations: she's given an extensive project assignment.
She's smart, gifted in math, and conscientious — and incredibly stressed. She has trouble sleeping and bites her nails On days when she's so tired and worn out that she can't focus, I suggest she skip her reading, but she won't do it because she doesn't want to let anyone down. She's a first generation immigrant, and under tremendous pressure to succeed.
So homework stress isn't just for privileged kids. I wish my student's school would let up: she's clearly doing well, and the avalanche of homework is destroying her love for learning, particularly reading.
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When I was in 5th grade We were allowed to play outside until 6. Dinner and clean up was 6-7 and 7-9 was homework. Every single night. There are certainly debates about homework, but interacting with the school and teachers is the key.
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She needs a less rigorous academic program. There is no reason a young child should be under that much stress. What an awful environment we've created for our children so they can "thrive."
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The problem is the "rigorous" charter school. A school can assign can assign any amount of homework and claim that is rigor, but it the amount of work assigned is not appropriate for the age of the student, then it is bound to cause problems. The parents need to determine if this is in the best interests of the child.
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My son went to a traditional all boy's school through sixth grade in Boston. Among the skills he gained, he learned how to organize his work, deal with multiple assignments and memorize math table (yes there is a value to that). He went on to a less structured school for middle and upper. Many of the children who started first grade at that school had organization issues. In college he was very well prepared.Perhaps covering basic learning and organizational skills in the early grades would benefit the students. I thought I was a helicopter parent but I don't even come close. Isn't it a goal for children grow into adults who can manage their own lives with support as needed ?
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The risk isn't that this process doesn't "work" but that it works too well. It's one thing if these therapist/coaches can remove barriers that inhibit students from achieving to the level of their ability, but it's quite another if they procure a level of performance in high school that proves unsustainable in college when students are on their own. It's also worth asking how much of the demand for this process comes from the students themselves, and how much from parents whose ego depends in no small part on which colleges accept their kids.
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Frankly, if I were a rich Manhattan parent doling out $600 PER HOUR for "psychological tutoring" or whatever this malarkey is named, I would be expecting the "tutor/therapist" to be actually DOING the homework and WRITING the papers so that my spoiled little special snowflake got all As and into the Ivy League college of MY dreams. I mean seriously DUH! nobody would pay $600 an hour just for some Play dough and some mollycoddling!
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There's nothing wrong with this practice in that students should have a strong adult presence to help guide and assist them. The problem lies in that this used to be what parents did (especially when homes were one income based) and teachers do (especially when class sizes are reasonable). The practice is good; that our society has made is necessary is where work needs to be done.
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Highly educated white women. Still looking to work in gender-traditional nurturing fields with children, and charging a super high fee to affluent families because of their status. And New York has the perfect swatch of affluent families that will outsource their parenting to these specialists, thinking it gives some special advantage. Money can apparently buy more than traditional parenting, tutors, or a friend can provide?
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Maybe she’s found a niche that makes her happy and well-paid!
And I’m not sure (look at those prices) if it’s even right to deride her (classy) for taking a “gender” role here: setting aside that the role of tutor has only recently opened up to women, in the grand scheme of history, see this for what it really is. Those are therapy session prices.
This is just therapy where they talk mainly about homework and a very educated person helps guide a student through what must be easy-for-them HS homework.
11
I think the point is that these specialists, whose skills and techniques may seem novel, are providing a valuable psychological resource that parents, regular tutors, and friends have so far been unable to provide the students. Hey, if it works... Too, I don't blame the practitioners for charging what the market will bear.
21
What is wrong with a highly educated white woman? What does her race have to do with anything? And why is it wrong to go into this type work?
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