New York Today: A Sunny Day at the Death Cafe

It's so refreshing to see death discussed straightforwardly. Our culture's taboo around death hurts so many people--everyone feels awkward about how to talk to people who are grieving, dying, traumatized, etc. And then the people who are grieving, dying, traumatized, etc feel very much ostracized at a time when social connection is really important. I'm excited to find out that Death Cafes exist, and will look into starting one in my town. Related to talking about death, this article I wrote--Want to Support Your Grieving Friend? 5 Truths About What REALLY Helps--might help you understand and work with your awkwardness around people who are hurting/grieving so you can figure out what to say and do: https://medium.com/the-mission/want-to-support-your-grieving-friend-5-tr...

1974 I was 13 and loved music and Mandrill’s “House of Wood” comes to mind. After explaining life’s ups and downs from a wood house to a stone house the box of wood is the ultimate shelter. So they built you a box of wood And planted it deep where live once stood Though the wind and rain blowin’ hard You won’t mind ‘cause You feel no pain at all, yeah Though you won’t see the sun no more You have rest in peace for sure As I kinda close the door, yeah To your good, good, yeah, good Good box of wood

Thanks for a fascinating article Alex on death cafes and the exploration of the meanings of the end of life. Green-Wood Cemetery is such an appropriate location for such a gathering as it was one of the earliest of the 19th century’s “rural” or “garden” cemeteries meant to be inviting to the living with beautiful grounds, plantings, ponds or lakes, and monuments all carefully designed to inspire peaceful reflection and contemplative communion with the dead. These cemeteries were founded during an era of changing attitudes toward death as well as rising fears of the threat to public health posed by the increasingly crowded old graveyards and burial grounds in rapidly-growing cities during the age of Asiatic cholera and other plagues. The garden cemeteries served as our first parks, Green-Wood coming a full two decades before Central Park was even conceived.

What's it going to take to realize that congestion pricing is unpopular and is seen as a regressive tax so that it can finally be placed in the coffin already?

SPRING FAVOR I'm waiting without waver For my annual spring favor, A slash of brilliant gold Thrilling to behold Along the garden's edge Abutting the planted hedge, The star of the vernal club, That heart-lifting shrub, Forsythia! I seek it twice a day My attention never astray Walking my dog, who's awesome, Hoping to see it blossom. And when I do, I'll sing. It's spring! It's spring! It's spring!

Do we really need open door helicopter rides? Or driverless cars? Seriously? Why do we have to put people in dangerous situations? All for a picture of one's self on the internet.

Not sure if it should be labelled a "tradition".

Excellent coverage of a tough subject. My feelings on the subject of sharing at a death café keep changing this morning the more I re-read and think about it. Right now, I feel like whenever death happens to me, I don’t want tears at any service, but happiness that I was ever here. (And I hope any people who feel any joy that I’m gone stay far away., LOL!) So with Passover coming, only one tune comes to mind for this subject.: Tune of “Dayenu” (Passover seder song, title translates to “That would be sufficient for us.” Or my Aunt used to quip, “It means: Enough already!”) If you, if you really want to Really want to talk of dying Talk of dying, hold the crying I say “Nu?” When I die, hey nu - When I die, say “nu!” Join this café, nu – Then sing the pain away Okay, nu - Don’t cry, hey nu, A song’s okay, nu. So I convey, nu, Sing hey, don’t cry, hey nu! (big finish) P.S. I may feel differently as the tax season day goes by and I wonder even more about the meaning of life, though!!! :)

Thank you Alexandra. Just last night we watched Into the Night on PBS, which also mentioned death cafes and death salons. It's a gift to break the ice about conversations around death, and share such intimacy. I'll look forward to visiting Green-Wood (!)

I'm going to be 67 in July, and my husband is 81 and has had ALS for 15 years, with a very slow progression. We both know that life as we've know it will have an end, and that end is approaching. We also both realize how good our lives have been. As I get older, there are some relevant songs from American Songbook. An excellent example is "With So Little to Be Sure Of" from an early Sondheim show, "Anyone Can Whistle." The lyrics are simple...and true: With so little to be sure of If there's anything at all If there's anything at all I'm sure of here and now and us together All I'll ever be I'll owe you If there's anything to be Being sure enough of you Makes me sure enough of me Thanks for everything we did Everything that's past, everything's that's over too fast None of it was wasted, all of it will last Everything that's here and now and us together It is marvelous to know you and it's never really through Crazy business this, this life we live in Can't complain about the time we're given With so little to be sure of in this world We had a moment, a marvelous moment...

Thank you for "begin afresh". I've not read much contemporary poetry, but I will now search out Philip Larkin. I've obviously been missing something!

This is a beautifully written article which described, with great levity and respect, a novel forum for bringing strangers together to ponder life's most difficult moment. Alexandra, you're a dynamic, insightful voice at The Times. Keep up the great writing!