I really enjoyed reading this article. I had many roommates in my 20s-30s. It's good to know this trend is gaining popularity now in case I need the support in my elder years.
13
I read this article and came away hopeful. I am a single woman and I have shared my home once. It was not the best of circumstances, the girl was a pig with some mental health issues. I did get references and they were very positive. I had several long conversations and while I thought the age difference would be an issue, I went ahead with her renting a room from me. The money was very helpful but it was not an ideal situation for me and we parted ways after 6 months. But I would try again. I know a lot of people in my development that rent their spare bedrooms and it has worked out. The next time, I will try and vet more carefully and more to my circumstances.
8
...hmmmmmmm..this article suddenly makes nursing home life seem attractive...
1
Really? Sounds like you've never seen a nursing home...
31
Given Ms. Felstein is swindling the owner of the apartment out of the true value of his apartment, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars every year, I have no sympathy for this woman. She is taking the money that is due her landlord from from a sub let. She should be in jail.
You are quick to condemn people without knowing the whole story, aren't you?
How is she swindling her landlord? She is paying the rent that the owner asked for and she is not sub-letting - she is taking in a roommate. There is nothing illegal about it and she probably has permission from the landlord and believe me, in NYC the landlords make it their business to know these kind of things.
31
What are you talking about? It is being done totally legally and with the landlord's knowledge. You took a huge leap to an erroneous conclusion.
And having a roommate is not the same as subletting.
40
You clearly do not understand NYC law when it comes to sharing a rent-stabilized apartment here or what sub-letting means. Subletting is moving out of your apartment and having someone "rent" it from you; you are not living in the apartment any longer. Rent-stabilized apartments do not allow this. What the law does permit is having a roommate without having them on the lease.
Before you make such assumptions you should understand how things work here. Quite frankly, sub-letting has the same definition everywhere, so how you get the idea that she's sub-letting her apartment is beyond me!
35
wow this gives me some hope. I have always wanted to live in NYC but cannot afford the rent. I am experienced in caring for the elderly..having cared for my mother for 2 years before she passed and my uncle for 3 years before his passing at 90. 39 years ago at the age of 20 I shared a house with an elderly lady while I was in college --obviously she was ahead of her time!! It was a privilege to care for my mom and uncle. I miss them every day.
12
I am commenting as the host, I am searching for someone to possibly help my mother in the evenings in exchange for free room and board. In other words, instead of renting the spare bedroom for cash, I would like to exchange housekeeping services and assistance for my mother. Ideally, the boarder can work during the day and use the home in the evenings and/or weekends. The boarder can earn a living from her day job and obtain free room and board in exchange for housekeeping services and assistance my mother. I don't think most boarders would want to assist my mother 24/7.
1
Are you still looking for assistance?
When my daughter was looking for housing during her internship, in a city 400 miles from her university, we found that short term rental housing was almost nonexistent. She needed a room. So who might have a room to let? Empty nesters and single women. Where might you find them? Churches.
I emailed the pastor of the Episcopal Church closest to her internship and asked if a parishioner might have a room to rent. He put us in touch with a nice widow who allowed my daughter to rent her spare room for a semester. Much safer than Craigslist and she is still friends with her former host. Intergenerational home sharing works!
31
The thing that really sticks out to me in this story is her "investing" in a firm that was a "subprime auto loan company." Ouch! Forget the fact that it was a swindle. Why on earth would a retired, or soon to be retired person, be "investing" in such a high risk venture?
Better to follow the advice of the worlds greatest investor, who unlike 99% of us, really is an investor. Warren Buffet has stated that for most Americans, the answer is buy into an index fund and rest easy.
This insane focus on double digit returns has been the ruination of many a person who thought of themselves as an investor.
18
How right you are! I was trying to get enough return to make ends meet. And I did research the company which apparently started out legitimate then afterwards went wrong. A painful lesson learned.
10
Obviously she was looking for MORE income since the return on CDs is basically non-existant...I agree not a good decision but she is not the only person who made a bad decision in similar circumstances.
8
I picked up on that too.
Greed, that's the reason. My parents fell for the same sort of thing. Their investor sold them on people's hospital loans at a rate of 25% return. Yes, it was a pyramid and they lost on that one, at least in the long run--as you know, pyramids work because you get at least one fat check and are lead to believe that there's more to come.
They are greedy. My parents are greedy. And that's their weakness that con artists can exploit. You can get bonds or stock in basic utilities and get a low and steady return on a sure thing, or you can bet on something more risky with high return--after all, the way Wall Street functions isn't much different than horse racing. Somebody convinced this lady that she could keep her lifestyle by taking on someone else's loan.
Let's think about that for a minute....It's IMMORAL! I had a hard enough time accepting my parent's behavior. I can't accept that they would bet on someone's health. That's just disgusting. I have no respect for them.
I'm sorry for this lady, but my respect diminished. I do understand that people rely on sleazy investors and take their advice as that of someone of authority and experience. I suggest that people hold up a bit. Hear the investor out and then contact your attorney or do some research yourself. Also, talk to family members or trusted friends that you KNOW have your best interest at heart.
4
Home sharing is gaining in popularity - especially because people are anticipating running out of money. But wait! The process of vetting a roommate cannot be taken lightly. As author of the new book, Who Will Take Care of Me When I'm Old? I highly recommend the comprehensive vetting process of Silvernest (featured in this article).
8
I recommend a thorough vetting too.
I have a friend who, many years ago, actually went through an agency that places you in an elderly persons home but on the West Coast. She said the woman kept wanting her to sleep, just sleep, with her because she was lonely--and I think probably had a touch of dementia. My friend found this to be too intimate and left.
4
to the single childless people who worry about the future, I say having children doesn't guarantee a secure and not-lonely old age. Nursing homes are full of patients with children who rarely, if ever, visit. One daughter in the piece wanted to find a companion for her dad. We like to think all children would always provide full support to their parents, but for a myriad of reasons they don't.
32
Some people don't have the type of parents that make this possible.
13
@Paula Adams It is always possible (except in case of actual abuse may be hard) to honor your parents. No one said you had to like or even love them. Parents don't "make it possible."
3
As a single 54-y/o with no children, and who lives alone, I have often thought about how I see myself and my living situation, when I get older. And something along the lines of what is described here, is exactly what I was envisioning...either I'd get a larger (2BR) apartment and then find a roommate to live in the other, or else maybe I'd even rent an entire other apartment right next to mine, and find a tenant to live there for free, in return for help with errands, cooking, cleaning etc.... and just to have someone nearby in case I'm a bit sick...or just want to have a bit of conversation over tea.
So long as many places for 'seniors' are either prohibitively expensive (esp. the better ones that have quality meals, activities that are intelligent - trips into the city for theater, museums etc. vs trips to the mall or to Atlantic City... real artwork on the walls, rooms and hallways that are warm and personal vs. cold and clinical...).... or else the ones that are affordable have 'slop' for food, residents are all depressed and lethargic due to all being on (often needless or excessive/contradictory drugs), etc.
So, I would imagine that even if I were to rent a second apartment for a roommate/helper, I'd get the best of both worlds...my own apartment, help around the house, an occasional companion, and still be spending less $ than at a facility that would offer this same level of lifestyle.
12
The idea of renting the next door apt is rather smart...for all the reasons you detailed. I have friends who've talked about moving in together into a small house or larger apartment where their money would go further. I think for some single Baby Boomers - who can't afford to rent an extra apartment or afford the high-end assisted living homes - this could be a viable solution. It would take clear boundaries, negotiating things (whose furniture goes where, and other kind of stuff, among other things), but communal living can really make a difference in one's health, regardless of age, and could be a financial life-saver for many as well.
11
You need to be very careful about who you rent out or share your apartment with. Be extra diligent in vetting all applicants before letting them into your home/life or else they may turn out to be roommates from hell or worse.
Sharing with friends may or may not work out well either. Sometimes your good friends turn out to be not so nice when you have to live with them day in day out. Their charming, funny little personal quirks can rapidly become annoying and intolerable habits that are too close for comfort.
11
@Expat Conscious communication can work wonders for this.
2
As a loyal viewer of Judge Judy I have come to understand that the nature of many of the people who get by by living in someone else's home on the cheap. A few choice episodes of this enlightening program will make anyone think twice about getting involved with these type of people in any substantive way.
18
So very true ...sad but true.
1
Judge Judy? Yuk!!!
Why bother? I would rather die!
2
Having shared over 20 homes, I am a staunch advocate of homesharing. Otherwise, I would never have been able to live in NYC, Chicago, and LA. I used craigslist and classifieds (back when they mattered), and was very fortunate to find wonderful people to live with; I'm still in comtact with them today! Thorough screening will make people more comfortable with this idea, but I am here to tell you - it works. Affordable housing is a huge issue, and homesharing is definitely part of the solution.
18
when and who do we ask for here in St. Louis Great job in New York
5
I knew 20 years ago this type of arrangement would be necessary, so I chose to buy a house that could legally be converted to a two-family home. Additionally, the configuration on my own unit lent itself to having a room-mate.
Today, my original living, dining, and front bath/laundry are now a separate apt, with a basic kitchen set up along a wall in my former dining room. All I had to do was close two doors and install the kitchen.
For my own apartment, I reconfigured a closet in my bedroom in order to cut a door to the rear bathroom. Suddenly, I had private access from two bedrooms into the rear bath. Then, I installed another washer/dryer in the original kitchen. Today, I have a young woman sharing my unit. She has two private rooms, one with access to the bath, the other with access to the living/dining room. We each have two private areas, mine being a bedroom and a loft, hers being two adjoining rooms. I created the front apt in 2006, then retired in 2007. I'm on my second roomie in six years.
Yes, I still have a mortgage due to the expense of reconfigurating the house...but the tenants' rents cover the mortgage and all the utilities. I am also entitled to tax deductions for 75% of the utilities, taxes, insurance, and mortgage interest......... It can't get any better than this.....
26
"For those who are still working age, it’s getting harder to pay the rent: According to a StreetEasy survey, rents in the city rose twice as fast as wages between 2010 and 2017."
Hmmmmmmmm..................................the Election makes sense.......................doesn't it?........................................................
2
FYI, in the 4 NYC boroughs other than Staten Island just over 10% of those who voted in the Presidential election voted for Trump. We knew who he really was.
15
I am no fan of Trump but you can't pin the blame on the last election for the crisis in affordable housing/rents in big cities which has been going on for more than a decade.
2
Very depressing article for this aging, single, childless, female who wants to retire in a few years. Very, very, depressing. I've never had a roommate and I surely don't want one in my old age.
37
WelI....I certainly hope you've been considering your other options then, if you are that resistant to taking on a roommate. I assume if you want to retire in a few years, that you have a good amount of money set aside for that purpose? Otherwise, it's clearly your own choice 'not' to have a roommate.
4
Once upon a time it was quite common for older people, widows, etc to take in boarders. My father-in-law lived with an older couple in East Orange when he first came to this country
28
So great to see the elder tenant and the college student making it work to both's benefit in more ways than just financial. Thank goodness there are foundations like New York Foundation for Senior Citizens to help seniors make these tough choices and help carry them through. As a side note, the rent stabilized rent apartment in Chelsea, even though relatively quite low, will still be taken off rent-stabilized rent when the apartment is vacated through vacancy decontrol.
6
“Why wouldn’t you want to share your home with others, whether it’s for financial reasons or for companionship?”
Where to begin...?
47
thats why i keep 7 figures in cash always
sleep like a baby
3
Underpaid teachers cannot amass that much during their careers. SAD! And my teacher's pension is less than $700/month. Thank gawd for social security that I paid while teaching in private schools--at a pittance. We do what we love, regardless of the pay, if we want to enjoy our work.
26
Wow! Look at you! You're so awesome!
These elderly people are so foolish for not also keeping millions in cash on hand. What's wrong with them?!?!
Oh well, as long as you sleep like a baby...nothing more important than that.
smh
27
The St Ambrose Housing Aid Center in Baltimore has paired up over 200 clients ,allowing folks to age in place."great program...check it out
4
I trust Shazzi Felstein and the reporter of this article know about SCRIE, the Senior Citizen Rent Increase Exemption, applicable in many cases where senior citizens are struggling to pay a rent-stabilized rent.
13
I'm not in the qualifying age bracket for this, but learned about it from ads in the subway! I just read what the qualifications are and Ms. Felstein should definitely check it out, it could mean having her apartment back to herself. Makes me wonder how many people aren't aware of it.
8
Something about this article sounds GOOD. Back, probably more than four decades ago, when I even thought about it, I felt that I should somehow pay back the karma to all those people that had stopped to pick me up hitchhiking and gave me a ride out to the coast or something… Nowadays , I will not even look, Let alone stop, or I’ll never again stop for a hitchhiker: Because in most likely hood the person is a. drunk, b. Smoking a joint/cigar, C. Has an open container, D. Is even more deplorable then my messy car!
Now, to bring someone into your household… Boy, is that going to take some very close vetting!
8
I never understand why people talk of 'having a 'stranger' in your house', as if you are potentially letting in Charles Manson. Heck, don't folks do this all the time?...they (young person) meet someone at a bar or club and invite them over to their place? How many get in romantic relationships, move in together, only to realize they never really knew the person? And in rarer instances, how many don't even know their own spouse sleeping next to them, and later discover they were a mass murderer, or they end up being killed themselves by their mate?
There are no guarantees in life, but with proper vetting and going with your gut, most roommate situations are not problematic nor 'dangerous'. Sure, maybe they won't all work out, but then, the same could be said of many romantic live-in situations as well.
10
My plan, when the need arises, would be to ask the parish priest to recommend a family with children and maybe a dog, to move in to keep my life vibrant and to cook. If it works out well, I would leave them the house.
37
What a beautiful idea! I'm assuming you have no children (or if you do, they wouldn't want the house). I'm in the same situation (no children) and I will keep this in mind as I get even older.
8
Great idea!
7
The inconvenient truth is that be frugal in spending, find a spouse, treat your spouse nice, and don't get divorced for better or for worse. Then, you will be in good shape and forget about this kind of nonsense.
7
What drivel. Do you anticipate that you and your spouse are going to die at the exact same moment? Do all married couples have sufficient income to last until they die? Obviously not. The issues raised in the article are challenging ones, but they can be met with courage and grace.
64
There are plenty of people who have done just what you suggest, but have been thrown backwards through a business going under, job loss (and long-term unemployment due to age, among other things), medical crisis, or as discussed in the article, losing investments to crooks (as many a person did with Madoff).
You can be the best saver, spouse, and planner, but life can still throw curve balls that tear apart the best financial savings and portfolios.
61
Choose only a spouse who's in great health, securely employed, and whose circumstances won't change? I am frugal in spending, found a spouse, treated my spouse nicely...and was widowed at the age of 50. Life doesn't have guarantees.
23
As long as honest agencies can help with quality background checks, it’s a win-win for owner/renters and people in need of housing. I hope the various social welfare agencies can continue getting the funding they need to reach out to seniors and others.
13
For those people with apartments in a great area, and no children, this arrangement can be a real boon. I found the links to other services within the article especially useful. Definitely bookmarking this for future consideration!
9
Great article. Years ago, as a young professional in Philadelphia, I had a two bedroom apartment on South 9th St. off of Pine Street. I advertised for a roommate to share the place. I was working, he was in law school. He is still my best friend. That three-story house, with three apartments is now a single-family home worth $750,000. I wish I had purchased it.
12
My father lived in a nice government subsidized apartment in a senior (not assisted living) building for 7 years after mom died in a nice suburb in WI. He made many friends and the fact that he had to walk down the hall to use a communal (free) laundry room made sure he met other folks. And he did make many friends there. He kept his car, though often used their provided driven van ($1/ride) to go to the grocery store or church. The apartment was large enough that I could spend the night there when in town, but small enough that he could keep it clean. I hired a cleaning service to come in once a month for a more thorough job. And in 7 years, his rent remained the same.
The only service they provided was a 24-hour front desk attendant who would check on him if he failed to press a buzzer by 11 AM daily, and call an ambulance if needed. It was a perfect arrangement until I started receiving calls that he had no food to eat (he forgot to take the van). Finally, they called me and told me he was wandering at all hours of the night and it was time to move him to assisted living.
This type of apartment housing (senior community in a single building) would seem to be a perfectly safe alternative for oldsters who still relish their privacy but welcome company from time to time.
I'm not holding out hope however as government today is bent on crippling seniors even more rather than helping them live independently.
52
There is a great need for this sort of housing, but they are being built only for the rich. And in NYC not at all.
8
Cooperative householding is a wonderful way to live. I know that because I've lived with friends in two different co-owned homes since 2004, from choice not necessity. There are many models of homesharing, and all allow people to live far better for far less.
23
great stuff - following the Amsterdam example of scarce housing for students provided by old folk seeking companionship and a little more money and help with chores by sharing their homes.
I'm guessing references - could be provided by an app system like Uber or Airbnb - if handled well - e.g. our review of a dodgy airbnb as 'a bit creepy' sent the 'host' ballistic begging and threatening us, but as they couldn't change our review and had to post their 'just fine' review BEFORE they could read ours - it stayed. So others can be warned.
1
I did that for years and had a lot of fun. The third floor of my townhouse was a large BR sitting room with a bathroom fully furnished. The renter could bring suitcases only. That way there was no legal issue if I wanted them to leave. I only rented to men and I never had a problem. The only woman I allowed in drank my liquor, ate my food and brought an overnight guest in whose wife visited me the next day with a gun. Thank God I was white and old and she realized that he did not visit me. That renter moved the following weekend.
I have a large house now and have considered doing that again but I might be getting a little too set in my ways (old and cranky) and that would not be fun for me or the person I am sharing my house with.
6
Well,you don't have to "share" your house as much as you would be providing a space for them to live; you don't have to interact that much. I find that most of the people that I've rented to mostly stay in their room. And, a lot of people don't use the kitchen, or if they do, it's minimal. They are happy to have a safe, clean, pleasant place to live. I don't rent to people who aren't working, or in school full-time. That way I know they're not going to be here that much. :)
7
I've been doing this for years to earn extra money. For the most part I've had good luck. Only once in awhile has there been a problem. I've also learned over the years to be less forgiving. I had one guy to whom I said, I think you have a problem with alcohol. If your problem with alcohol becomes my problem with alcohol, you won't be able to live here. It did and I threw him out. I've thrown others out also, but most roomers have been okay. I've had a few people stay here almost 6 years. They have use of the kitchen, but some never use it. Most of the time the roomers are helpful when need be. I recommend it, but be careful and do as much pre-screening as possible.
17
Co-operative living will become more common as boomers age.
Shared living spaces including kitchen with private bedrooms and baths.
This is only way to survive into the future or for some, right now.
The one big positive these seniors have with their younger roomies is not only can they pick up some groceries or medicine but for other purposes like security and safety. One of my elderly parents was constantly left the front door unlocked and a stove burner on. Also fell on ice on front steps. Older people need an extra set of eyes and hands and feet.
16
A couple of "take-aways" from this article:
First, it isn't a good idea to "invest" after becoming a senior citizen. You have money? Put it into Vanguard, into one of their safer funds.
Second, while it's a good idea to have a younger person living with you, you have to be very, very careful. It isn't unusual even for grandchildren to steal and sell your stuff, and for older people to become virtual prisoners in their own homes.
And yes, younger people, by all means do some housework. Anywhere you live deserves to be dusted, vacuumed, and sanitized (i.e., bathrooms and kitchens). Being able to live in Chelsea or Brooklyn Heights is a gift that must be reciprocated.
And anyway, anyone who doesn't keep his or her living space tidy and clean is no one I'd want as a boarder. Or a neighbor, for that matter.
10
Laws need to change to make it easier and safer to get rid of a bad roommate. Otherwise you may find yourself living with someone who stops paying you, stops doing those jobs and the refuses to leave. In CT one roommate killed the owner of the house after the owner had to start eviction proceedings but had to continue to live with him. Tenant landlord laws do not work in a roommate situation. Roommates who start taking advantage of the home owner need to be removed immediately more so if the owner is elderly.
57
I start my roomies with a six-month lease. The first one (a grad student, then university Fellow) stayed five years. This current one is in her third month---so far so good. I screen people myself and do not charge fees. But then, I've been a landlord for 45 years.
11
What a joyful column despite a few mis-steps. Nice to see people can still get along and help one another.
13
I have already told my husband anything happen to him I would fill up our house with older women. I grew up in a 3 generation household and find living alone lonely. But there are people who cannot live others and getting older seems to make it worse.
8
That reminds me of the spouse who said, "If one of us dies first, I'd like to move to Paris."
16
I am 68 with a slight disability that prevents house cleaning, laundry, etc. I am a retired lawyer.
A year ago, I hired a house cleaner on the recommendation of a friend who stole my vacuum cleaner, an expensive gold pendant and even my trash bags. ( I had my very valuable diamonds, etc. in my purse).
I have a huge house with a very large finished basement with full bathroom and a separate entrance.
I would like to let some young person live there for free in exchange for house work and doing things I can’t do, like changing a light bulb. However, I am afraid of being ripped off or even physically harmed. The thieving house cleaner was recommended by a friend, after all.
When you get older I think that people think you are ditzy and easy to victimize. This is especially true if they hear the word “disabled” even if it’s only a physical disability. Not all the time, but enough for me to notice a difference. I have a friend who performs security clearances for the government and I would have to pay her to vet any roommate.
This scheme is a good idea but practically speaking, very hard to implement.
40
is it just me or are these people living in filthy conditions? I feel sorry for the youngsters in these photos, they would not have to live like this if only they had a little bit more money.
11
I was thinking the same thing, especially with the cover photo. It was a relief to see one of the middle photos with a living room that is actually clean!
4
I'm the one in the photo with the dogs. This is my private space, admittedly messy, largely the result of vacating my bedroom and moving a lot of things from the bedroom and sitting room (formerly dining room) into my living room/bedroom. Yukari has her own bedroom and is the main user of the sitting room which is kept clean. Somehow the photographer talked me into letting him photograph us in my messy room. And clutter is not necessarily filth.
104
I'm with you, Shazzi. You have a rich life. You quilt. You have stuff. Folks, it's a one-bedroom apartment. Clutter is not necessarily filth, as Shazi notes, and things you need for your daily life and creative projects aren't clutter.
46
NYU housing has a free listing service for those renting out a room (preferably in the NYU vicinity) to students, faculty & staff. I’ve used it and never had a problem.
6
I agree with the article that the thought of how we live as we age needs to change...not everyone can afford to live out their years without financial help from a boarder and that's true in other parts of the country, not just a pricy place like NYC. I also think the companionship is a plus, especially as research has shown that having friends of different generations helps brain health.
I would also say that a criminal background check must be part of the package and clear rules put into place so there are strong boundaries. I've had roommates (in my 20's and 30's) and always found that clear boundaries made life function better regardless of the size of the apartment/home.
20
As a licensed private investigator, I caution those considering this type of arrangement, not be lulled into thinking you are safe because these platforms offer some sort of “background check” for $30.00. By statue a criminal history search via the Office of Court Administration in NY costs $65.00. How are they checking criminal records for $30.00? Answer is they’re not.
54
Would it make sense to have it be part of a vetted, supervised prisoner release program? Someone recently pointed out how many people today have criminal records, often related to substance abuse problems (including DUI). It would certainly be easier for them to adjust to life away from crime if there was a way to safely pair them with older people wanting/needing companionship, if there could be adequate supervision. I don't know if anyone has tried this.
6
I don't feel this is a safe arrangement.
15
I enjoyed everything about this.
My mother, soon to be 90, lived alone in a 4 bedroom house for 30 years following her divorce. It was weird for her to live alone for so long. When I finally moved back to share a condo with her, it was very hard for her to adjust to living with another person again, even her daughter. And as she aged, she got less and less flexible about how to do things.
Living alone for such a long period of time for an older person isn't always a great idea. For those who need or want to share their home, this sounds like a terrific compromise.
24
When I was a 20-something I was pleased to become roommates with an 89-year old who lived through the great 1906 San Francisco earthquake. It was a love relationship getting to know her and I treasure her spirit to this day. She was a grand old dame and a spitfire. Lucky for me and my young friends who got to know and enjoy her!
115
Yes, but there are plenty of affordable places to live all over, just not in high density highly desired areas. Yes we should all be able to live in a $20 million dollar Manhattan condo but we can't. And if you can't afford to live somewhere than go somewhere you can, especially if you're retired.
I'll never understand why people retire in expensive places to live. Unless you're making use of it by being a social butterfly what's the point? If you're mainly a homebody you can do that anywhere and you can do it a lot more cheaply in most other places. Make way for the young and let them have the spaces. They need to be there for work, raising families etc.
6
Why do I need to leave a place I have lived for most of my life. Not everybody wants to retire some place else. Personally, I would not want to move the a place where I did not know anybody just because it’s cheap.
103
New York City is a very good place to get old. We have public transportation, Access-a-Ride, lots of Greek diners to telephone for take-out, and places to go to keep our minds alert: museums, libraries everywhere, the ballet, and lots of people to look at.
You want someone who was born and reared in Brooklyn and lived here all his or her life to pick up and move out in order to "make way for the young and let them have the spaces"? Really? Where you need to drive to get a quart of milk or a library book?
Wealthier people from elsewhere move to places like New York City precisely for the reasons I suggested in my first paragraph. Of course, for them, they can also take cabs.
89
Because there are things to do in New York and you don’t need a car.
43
So important to deal with a highly professional senior social service agency to either seek or find a roommate and feel confident in the careful screening that's provided. This is a great way to preserve affordable housing and help you age in place! It's on my radar screen for when I retire.
43
You also need to be careful, if you're not sure you want to do this on a long-term basis, that you get someone who is not likely to want to stay for a long time or who will not be difficult to get rid of if you want to.
Some of the "senior social service agencies" specialize in placing seniors with seniors, and that could end up being a difficult situation if you didn't want the person to stay any longer. I imagine a much easier situation to deal with if you have a younger person.
2
This is completely Great when it works but how are these folks getting to their Dr appts and so on? The article is vague on rather important matters. Folks in their 80s and older should be looking at assisted living options and converting their assets to pay for that. You cannot put that off because it takes quite a bit of planning. Otherwise, what we are seeing here are people who will go from home, to an accident in the home, to a nursing home. There's a world of difference between being 75 and 85 living in a house.
12
Based on experience with family in Boston, Boulder and Houston, if one has the funds high quality assisted living options were readily available. The decision to make that move can be a difficult one.
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When assisted living facilities will welcome my two cats I might consider them an option . Until then I will stay here.
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. In her book, Never Say Die, Susan Jacoby describes a man who jumps off a bridge rather than share his home with a caretaker. Many of us can relate.
Today’s aging elders may have lived alone their entire adult lives. They’ve never shared with a spouse or children. It’s not realistic to expect them to adjust to shared living arrangements. We need more liberal access to assisted dying. Those committed to solitary living won’t find the idea morbid or crazy.
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I do this now, using Roommates.com. I am 59 and divorced, no kids. I only use about half of my house, so I rent the upstairs far end furnished rooms with a bath (a bedroom and a study space) to a very nice high school basketball coach, a young man aged 28. This allows me to maximize my 401k contributions while I am still working and making good money. It's a prefect setup... I never see him, he takes 3 minute showers and pays on time without reminders. And he is there when I go out of town so I don't have to worry about leaving the house vacant. It's a terrific arrangement and I get satisfaction knowing that I am helping him by providing a safe, comfy and convenient place so he can get to work and also study for his master's. I highly recommend it! Americans can do more on their own to solve the affordable housing crisis in our nation, and we must.
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What a great read! Housing exchange is a great way for generations to intermix and creates a beautiful, symbiotic relationship.
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What a wonderful solution. I love the photos. Seniors and younger people, living together, forming a team. More, please.
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This article is so important for our aging population. Many folks are looking at airbnb or vrbo with the sole intent of generating as much income as possible. The house sharing described in this poignant article is about community, companionship and assistance. Thank you for providing us with these stories and the links.
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One other advantage of a roommate, as opposed to doing airbnb, is in a typical long-term roommate situation where the roommate is paying a percentage of the rent, that payment is not taxable income (airbnb is), it is just them splitting the rent with you.
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It IS taxable income when you trade a product or service for money or another product or service. What you're saying is it's tax free as long as the IRS doesn't find out.
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I'm not talking about providing services. I'm talking simply about sharing the space and the rent, the way thousands of young 20-somethings all over New York already do. It's not a illegal and not something you have to hide from the IRS if it's a true roommate situation.
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This worked for My mother for several years , until later in her nineties we employed a live professional care giver. Why, because Mom always wanted to stay in her home of more than 50 plus years. A well manicured so called assisted living facility in her eyes was a sterile environment . So worry about the furnace , the roof, where to relocate the washer and dryer etc etc, was my job.
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Glad your mom got to stay in her home and you pitched in. As someone who has audited assistant living facilities, they can be good on the surface and good in terms of what they deliver but place a parent in one requires ongoing visits and vigilance to know that the quality of life continues.
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As with any roommate situation, there are risks and perils. The recommendations about how to screen carefully are sensible, and I imagine it is worth using a service that includes interviews of participants, not just on line profiles that have not been vetted. Zoning and rental rules often prohibit this type of arrangement, so you need to be mindful of that aspect. The advantages for both parties, whether in the same generation or different ones, can be wonderful. Loneliness is the greatest disease of aging.
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The cure for loneliness is fighting ageism, not relying on a roommate or relative. If you’re needy it’s hard to have healthy relationships. A lot of us love our solitude, never get lonely and value fewer, higher quality interactions.
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Catherine - thank you. Exactly my sentiments so rarely heard in this discussion.
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"Loneliness is the greatest disease of aging."
That presupposes that all people get lonely.
Some people like their own company. They have some friends whom they enjoy very much and with whom they socialize, yes; but they also have the capacity to find happiness in solitary pursuits. Even into old age, they can take care of their flowers, tend to their pets, do minor home repairs, read books, listen to music, and get out to stroll (albeit slowly, perhaps) in a museum and people-watch.
Some people just don't acquire that sort of "disease."
It helps, of course, if they're not stone broke.
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I have done exactly this.
I am relatively young (not retired yet, and my tens digit is 6) but widowed. When my husband died 7 years ago, he left me in debt, with an unpaid mortgage, and no insurance. After a couple of years of scrounging (and unemployment, having left my job to care for him during his illness) I found a twenty something roommate -- who needed to get out of "mom and dad's house" but could not afford to furnish an apartment. He's got one bedroom upstairs, free run of the house, and I cook for him. Two years later (this July), I brought in another roomie who's making the transition from college to law school -- and she too, has been terrific. It's a win-win for all of us. They get meals and their laundry done; I have live in snow removers -- we did our 140 ft. driveway in about 45 minutes after 9 inches fell last week. Saved me 100.00. Exercise for all, and we got some good exercise.
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You sound like a gem. When you get time, write that newspaper column or book. I sense it will be a fun and interesting read.
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Edit: sorry - my last line should read, "exercise for all, and we got some good "family time" in."
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