You make every moment lovely to read. Thank you.
1
Thinking of my mom while I read this (she watches my infant son on Thursdays too). My parents had me in their mid/late 30's & I'm 35. Sometimes I see them counting the years they have left with their grandson, but they aren't wasting any time. They have a busy schedule, but I'm so glad we are making memories when we can. Best to you and your family, Paula!
2
Wow, what a surface view of life.
Whether or not you intended this, the metaphor of the last line is beautiful.
1
Thanks for noticing!
Beautiful piece. I think this relationship shift applies to siblings when children come along. I am so grateful that my brother has had two children - I get to love him and two beautiful people who are like him in some ways / and in some ways so deliciously different. Sure, it changes your relationship. He was "busy" for a few years. In our case -- - the love has joyfully been multiplied.
2
I lost my mom when mine were still quite young. Never got to come back to her, so to speak. Proud I helped keep her in her own home till the end, fractured as I was with little kids and a job and the uncharted territory of autism w/ my eldest. Cancer is miserable.
I am sure I never fully grasped the sharpness of her pain through the fog of my trying to get by. There wasn't enough of me. I cherish a photo of her dipping my firstborn's toes into the ocean for the first time, both of their cheeks sun-kissed and blooming. How fast everything went.
For those calling the author selfish, she is giving the gift of being there for her grandchild.
I am sure I never fully grasped the sharpness of her pain through the fog of my trying to get by. There wasn't enough of me. I cherish a photo of her dipping my firstborn's toes into the ocean for the first time, both of their cheeks sun-kissed and blooming. How fast everything went.
For those calling the author selfish, she is giving the gift of being there for her grandchild.
3
I wish I'd had the chance to reach the "friends" stage with my mom. She died when I was 25, after a 3-year battle with cancer—and as an only child, whose father died when I was nine, it left a gaping hole in my life.
2
Sorry, but the complete and total self-absorption of this piece is mind boggling. Even the title is obnoxious. How lucky any of us are to have children and grandchildren with whom to share love and the preciousness of life. What a self-centered view of life and living this piece represents.
5
Good friend Paula hits a home run with grandparent experiences! Thank you and keep it coming. Our generation has an entirely different experience being grandparents. Our children were all "precious" and many of us had more opportunity to make it better than what we had experienced with our parents. Some of us have prickly relationships with our daughters . As mothers in our generation, our expectations for great relationships with daughters is higher and of course fraught with failure. I have a granddaughter via a step daughter in law and I can tell you that sharing motherhood makes everything easier. I look forward to sharing tips on motherhood with my sons and daughter if given the opportunity because I will have wisdom that they hopefully appreciate and joy we can share together without any tension. Thanks again for writing about this important stage in our lives. I know Bartola loves her Bubbe!
4
This piece perfectly crystallizes my feelings about my about to be born grandchild and his/her (don't know yet) parents. I enjoyed when this grandchild's dad was growing up, and I still love sharing his, and his wife's life as they travel through life as a young couple. Their life is about to change beyond measure, and for the good, but as a new chapter opens, another one ends. I can't overthink it because it's wonderful, but I do believe I'm mourning my own role changing as well as theirs.
4
As the grown daughter who is currently a bit lost due to the demands of parenting a small child, I really appreciated this insight from the grandparent's perspective. I, too, miss all the time I had with my parents just as "friends" when I was fully grown and living nearby, but didn't have the responsibilities of a family of my own. As my child and my parents all get older, I'm trying to find more time and space for that bond.
6
gag. most of us will still be working full-time when we become grandparents.
2
I'm working full-time too, Suzy.
20
And even if she weren't working full time, she's still entitled to feel that way.
10
I can't help suspecting that those who feel this way about the essay are perhaps a little in denial about common human emotions that effect people as they get older.
1
The level of parental, and then grandparental selfishness astounds me. It's so not about you, Grandma.
17
Oh please, give her a break. I'm a devoted Grandma (actually called Glamma), and I know exactly how she feels.
4
This is a rude and unnecessary comment.
3
She is thoughtfully mourning the end of a certain kind of relationship with her daughter. Let it be. All of us are selfish in our own ways, whether we admit it to ourselves or not.
10
My daughter died, suddenly, of a very rare (and undiagnosed) disorder when she was 27. That was 11 years ago. I sometimes think about the children she might have had, and how I would have loved them. I am fortunate, though, to have several "grandkids" - the children of her friends - and I cherish my relationships with them and their moms. My time with them is poignant and precious. I am lucky to have them.
11
Holly, I am so sorry; your daughter's friends, and especially, their children, are lucky to have YOU. For all the grandparents out there whose grandchildren live too far away for them to participate in their upbringing, or just connect with them often (me, for instance), there are folks such as yourself who wonder what might have been. You've managed to turn a tragedy into a helpful and loving thing that benefits many. I'm in a situation to do what you do, and to the extent that I'm needed, I do it. I always think of it as satisfying for ME, but everyone benefits.
9
Among the great things about having children are that you wonder how a new one will fit into your family life, then discover that the new addition increases the love, that family love and parental love are not a zero sum game. As soon as that new child arrives you can't believe that there could be a world without her.
Even better than that, children pull us out of our own selfishness and self absorption, in which our country, and the author of this essay, seem to be drowning.
Even better than that, children pull us out of our own selfishness and self absorption, in which our country, and the author of this essay, seem to be drowning.
11
Hers is a wistfulness regarding time past, which can and is rightfully so separated from anger about that time. There can be a fine line between selfishness and wistfulness and I believe she has struck the right tone....your criticism is unfounded and reach of armchair psychology.
8
The depth of the self-centered obliviousness of baby boomers is almost unfathomable.
10
Oblivious to WHAT?
prozac time, author...
4
Our granddaughter is now seven weeks old. Everyone told me I would love being a grandmother even more than being a mother. I couldn't imagine how it could be even better than becoming a mom.
Well.... now I understand. What a treat to watch my daughter holding her daughter and lovingly soothe her when she cries. My bond with my daughter has grown exponentially and I treasure my time with my granddaughter.
Well.... now I understand. What a treat to watch my daughter holding her daughter and lovingly soothe her when she cries. My bond with my daughter has grown exponentially and I treasure my time with my granddaughter.
10
I don't see any negatives of any kind in being a grand parent. It has brought me closer to my adult children through shared experience. Plus there is just no way to describe the delight that the little ones bring w/ them. We now are up to 4. In short it's what life's all about.
7
As an adoptee, my grandchild is one of the few blood relatives I know. While I may not be able to look back on a long line of ancestors, I can look forward.
2
Life is a continuum of change. I wouldn't change any new adventure for a lifetime of same. Maybe I am not normal but I do not yen for the old days. I am eager for what tomorrow brings. My daughter and son-in-law's experiences with their new baby do bring up memories of times with my babies. It adds to my experiences as a grandma.
3
I sure couldn't get behind the "buts" here.
Maybe this is modern maturity, with "me" and "my feelings" always at the center of everything.
I knew, during that drive up to install my freshman son in his dorm room, that parenthood would be forever changed. I was grateful for the mother ahead of me in the check-in line who emphatically concurred with the reasonableness of my insistence on making up the bed for the first time. We both knew it was the last time to be able to do that in the same way we always had before, and our children had to give way before the significance of the moment.
And then I was fine. I knew an adult would be coming home, whenever he did visit. For kids who go away to school, they mature out of your sight, and you discover with bemusement how they've started to eat stuff they never would at home, and cook stuff you're amazed they learned how to do--and you don't, I hope, attach any "buts" to these things.
I sure do hope I get to see grandchildren. I too had my child later than most of my peers, and I keep as spry as I can manage, for both of our sakes. I fully expect, whenever he finds a life partner, that he will cleave to that partner as one ought to, and I just hope whoever that partner turns out to be will consider me a quite likeable mother-in-law.
None of this is ever supposed to be about us. It's all about them, and preparing them for fully independent lives of their own, and being the sorts of parents who children can always enjoy.
Maybe this is modern maturity, with "me" and "my feelings" always at the center of everything.
I knew, during that drive up to install my freshman son in his dorm room, that parenthood would be forever changed. I was grateful for the mother ahead of me in the check-in line who emphatically concurred with the reasonableness of my insistence on making up the bed for the first time. We both knew it was the last time to be able to do that in the same way we always had before, and our children had to give way before the significance of the moment.
And then I was fine. I knew an adult would be coming home, whenever he did visit. For kids who go away to school, they mature out of your sight, and you discover with bemusement how they've started to eat stuff they never would at home, and cook stuff you're amazed they learned how to do--and you don't, I hope, attach any "buts" to these things.
I sure do hope I get to see grandchildren. I too had my child later than most of my peers, and I keep as spry as I can manage, for both of our sakes. I fully expect, whenever he finds a life partner, that he will cleave to that partner as one ought to, and I just hope whoever that partner turns out to be will consider me a quite likeable mother-in-law.
None of this is ever supposed to be about us. It's all about them, and preparing them for fully independent lives of their own, and being the sorts of parents who children can always enjoy.
9
Did you really make your son's bed? (I can understand the feeling, but mine did their own laundry and made their own beds as soon as they were big enough to work the washer and dryer, so it's not something I would have thought of.)
2
A welcome perspective for someone, like me, the daughter who introduced a baby into my parents' lives. Ever since college I've had vigorous philosophical and political debates with my father. I had a child and he retired, around the same time. Now he has a lot more time for thinking, and I have very little. There's no room in my days for such abstract thinking—I can barely remember what I read 10 minutes ago! It may be a little lonely for him.
2
Lovely piece! I was fortunate that the addition of my baby led my mother and me to grow much closer and move past our sometimes fraught past. BUT, the real reason I paused to write a comment is that I SO appreciated the call-out to Loehmanns! It made me chuckle but also left me wistful. It seems silly but the store was a part of my relationship my mom and so many of my friends. I remember where I was when I learned it was closing and the frantic texting that ensued :) We gathered there on its last week open to pay one last tribute. I still miss all the laughs, conversations, and of course amazing finds we enjoyed there-- and it still surprises me that one store could mean so much more than just shopping!
9
A couple of months ago I realized that with luck I will be 88 when my grandson turns 21. What if I do not see who he becomes? Thinking of being only 79 when he turns 12 is much easier to handle. I was also happy to see how much company I have in that age group. The future is our kids having their own family units. I certainly hope my grandson will enjoy the time with his Bam (does not have g or r sound yet!) as much as I will for as long as we have together. Great article.
3
Let's not forget what also often happens when a child comes into the family...these wistful supportive older parents often don't just become Grandparents...unfortunately for most of us, that's when they become In Laws....
1
This beautifully written piece pulled at my heartstrings! As a mom of two little ones, it reminded me that this crazy, chaotic period is so very temporary...and that I should savor the relentless crazy and chaotic moments - getting pounced on with hugs and kisses, cuddles while reading, and the fact that my little ones want nothing more than to spend time with me. I know they will grow up and have lives of their own...and in the craziest moments I sometimes wished those days would come sooner rather than later...but reading this made makes me want to savor this time more than anything.
4
My mother died before my son turned two. My son was left with only one grandparent. His first two years were spent with me back and forth to work, back and forth to daycare, back and forth to my mother's house (in another state) at least once a week. The wistfulness of this piece is exhausting. I am happy for this family, but isn't this the best possible (and most privileged) situation possible? Maybe it would have been enough to say "I am a mother and a grandmother, and we are stunningly blessed". Short and sweet.
7
My daughter severed the bond we had when she was 18. She has recently had a baby and my role is limited. It is partly because of my financial situation and health status. I think she might be embarrassed of me. She allows her husband's parents to be fully engaged. Her husband is very family orientated, his family that is. Fortunately, his parents seem to be good people. She is doing well with her life. I did enjoy her as a child
6
I found you comments quite poignant. But it sounds like you grandchild is in good hands and you are accepting of the relationship with your daughter as it is now. My best wishes to you.
3
I don't think she's at all accepting of the situation. I think she's as wounded and hurt as can be.
2
What a beautiful column.
4
One learns to be more of an observer than a participant when a child has children. That child is now in a family unit of ones own. One may be included from time to time, but make no assumptions.
What's best is to be focused on the next generation! The relationships one can build with grandchildren while on vacation is priceless. But as they age, one again becomes much more of an observer than an active participant.
All this would be much easier with a partner of ones own. I lost my beloved husband 12 years ago, when my grandchildren were 5, not yet 3, 1 and 1 week old. It's a true tragedy that he had very limited time to enjoy his grandchildren - at east 2 were local and he could see them often and they do remember him. But it would be lovely to have a partner to share all that observing and to still have that special connection with as children move away into their own world.
It's the way of nature but that doesn't make it any easier.
What's best is to be focused on the next generation! The relationships one can build with grandchildren while on vacation is priceless. But as they age, one again becomes much more of an observer than an active participant.
All this would be much easier with a partner of ones own. I lost my beloved husband 12 years ago, when my grandchildren were 5, not yet 3, 1 and 1 week old. It's a true tragedy that he had very limited time to enjoy his grandchildren - at east 2 were local and he could see them often and they do remember him. But it would be lovely to have a partner to share all that observing and to still have that special connection with as children move away into their own world.
It's the way of nature but that doesn't make it any easier.
13
I, too, thought this was a beautiful and moving piece. And I too will not be a grandparent of a 12 year old until I am about ago 80 -- if then. Good thing longevity seems to run in my family but of course you never know.
But, I want to share that other things change the relationship one has with one's adult child -- in addition to the birth of a grandchild. A changed relationship between adult parents can affect an adult child in material ways -- sometimes fracturing relationships in what one hopes is only the short term. Aging is not easy and an adult child with a parent (or two) who is/are older experiences a changed relationship.
And, when a parent of an adult child changes (one hopes for the better), that too changes the adult parent/adult child relationship. It is hard for adult children to see their adult parents evolve professionally and personally. Somehow, it is OK when adult children change but they expect their parents to remain who they were.
Staying the same is hard too; for me, that was not an option though. Change I did, with all the concomitant consequences -- both positive and negative.
But, I want to share that other things change the relationship one has with one's adult child -- in addition to the birth of a grandchild. A changed relationship between adult parents can affect an adult child in material ways -- sometimes fracturing relationships in what one hopes is only the short term. Aging is not easy and an adult child with a parent (or two) who is/are older experiences a changed relationship.
And, when a parent of an adult child changes (one hopes for the better), that too changes the adult parent/adult child relationship. It is hard for adult children to see their adult parents evolve professionally and personally. Somehow, it is OK when adult children change but they expect their parents to remain who they were.
Staying the same is hard too; for me, that was not an option though. Change I did, with all the concomitant consequences -- both positive and negative.
4
Beautiful Paula as I knew it would be. I read this in a motel room as I travel home from my fifth annual week of summer vacation at family camp in Maine with my 6yo grandson. It's become a treasured tradition as has your Ptown weeks and has created a special bond of shared time with my grandson of experiences which are unique to the two of us.
3
Excellent, sweet written piece. Love Bartola name. I am a grandma of 2, the oldest a college grad, the youngest a H.S student. Love them very much and have been there for them in more ways one could think. One observation is that in our world we can't take off and go to the Cape. We are limited with our finances, therefore we can spend time together on much shorter outings and visit areas that we can afford.
My point is that it seems really lovely from her description and calm, to spend time with family in the manner described.
Brought tears to my eyes!
My point is that it seems really lovely from her description and calm, to spend time with family in the manner described.
Brought tears to my eyes!
9
The timing of this new column couldn't be more perfect for me. Bubbe Paula, I'm just a few steps behind you with the birth of my first grandchild later this fall.
The feelings you described in your opening paragraphs were exactly what I experienced with my daughter last month, when we spent a few "last days" alone hanging out, shopping for baby furniture and rocking together to the music of James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt live in concert. We knew our relationship would be forever changed.
I hope I will fulfill my role as Nana as well as my mother, and her mother, and her mother before her; it will be quite the challenge. They offered different life experiences and outlooks, but all provided an abundance of one core ingredient: unconditional love.
I am so looking forward to the journey, and reading your column along the way.
The feelings you described in your opening paragraphs were exactly what I experienced with my daughter last month, when we spent a few "last days" alone hanging out, shopping for baby furniture and rocking together to the music of James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt live in concert. We knew our relationship would be forever changed.
I hope I will fulfill my role as Nana as well as my mother, and her mother, and her mother before her; it will be quite the challenge. They offered different life experiences and outlooks, but all provided an abundance of one core ingredient: unconditional love.
I am so looking forward to the journey, and reading your column along the way.
14
While I read this essay, I rejoiced at the author's perspective. But there are also other realities. My daughter and I have lost our bond...perhaps never to be regained. My financial and health status have left me a person who could not fulfill the expectation she had of me as a mother and grandmother, and with postpartum raging, she could not see the part of me that yearned to be something I am not capable of. A few other irrelevant factors thrown in, and tho I am allowed the beauty of watching my grandchildren grow, I am denied of those experiences I also would have enjoyed were circumstances beyond our control not writing the future. I write this not out of self pity, but to the other grandmothers and grandmothers to be....enjoy the purity of this essay, but also celebrate the pinpoints of joy that you have, however few or plentiful they may be.
46
I'm so sorry to hear of this heartache, Mountain Dragonfly. I know I'm very lucky to have a strong relationship with my daughter, and now with my granddaughter. It's good to remember that people have all kinds of experiences with this role, both gratifying and sorrowful. May you rebuild the bond.
38
Postpartum raging- yes. Caused my daughter to decide I'd done something unforgivable although try as I might I can't see that I did anything at all. She does allow me to babysit, give gifts, etc but keeps me at arms' length otherwise.
What I've decided is that this is my assignment and I just have to make the best of it.
What I've decided is that this is my assignment and I just have to make the best of it.
This piece brought a prickle of tears to my eyes, partly because it was so beautifully written, partly because I long for a first grandchild of my own. While reading the story, I did the math and even if my beloved daughter had a baby right now, I too would be nearly 80 by the time the child is 12.
12
How heartening! Just became a "Mahmo" (Gaelic for Grandmother) this week. Am terribly proud of my daughter who seems to have lost her self-center and gained the Mommy-center. While each day is still uncertain (as newborns are) I didn't anticipate this level of engagement and peace. I've been a single Mom for 20 years through divorce; my son is also here with us and our once seemingly fractured family now seems complete!
14
such a beautiful balance of perspective and empathy. Please keep these gems coming!!!!
9
Now THIS is the take on "artisinal grandparenting" I've been waiting for! Like so many things, even grandparenting is changing, and it's such a pleasure to read a piece that's not just "Me & My Grandbaby" but explores how this age-old relationship is adapting to modern times. And when I saw that the writer of The New Old Age is penning these, I was extra happy – she always brings a thought-provoking measure of facts to leaven the discussion, and I find myself thinking about the issues she raises long after I finish reading the piece. I hope these are going to be "frequently occasional" or – even better – "regular."
10
This beautiful piece, with its evocation of the shore, its observation of time passing and looping around, its loving portrait of a daughter and a relationship with a young family, the image of little 2-toothed Bartola, just made me weep. Thanks a LOT, Paula Span! Seriously, I always so enjoy your work, whether I share the circumstances or not. Something universal always hides in the stories - a mark of the best writing, and a way to reach any heart. Looking forward to reading more.
13
I'm a Savta (Hebrew for grandma) who left the land of pizza and pastrami to enter the place of sun and kale to spend more time with my grands. Worth it. Who knows how long I'll be able to chase soccer balls and drive pick up. Time gone is time forever lost.
22
What a lovely essay. May your times together be as pleasurable as your writing is to read!
12
My kids are still babies, but I find myself strangely longing for grandkids already! Hopefully out of the two at least one will decide to have children and grant me that wish. Sharing family traditions with children and grandchildren is a special treat like no other. It really helps to offset the inevitable concurrent feelings of loss and aging.
6
Beautiful. We are recently grandparents. Looking forward for more columns from Paula on this topic.
9
This is such a lovely intimate look into the business of letting go and cherishing at the same time. Wonderful writing, I can smell both the ocean and the sweet baby, and am wistful. MORE!
24
This is a lovely essay and makes me wistful for a daughter to love, lose, and love again in a new way. I'm a mother of three grown sons who co-parented with their wives a total of 5 grandchildren. Three girls and two boys. Ages now, 24 the first born, to 14, the last born. It is possible I will become a great grandmother before I'm 80. They live at great distances. One of my sons, however, calls me every day on his drive to work from Juneau and regales me with tales of his daughter, who is a dancer and he joined her as "crowd" in this year's production of "The Nutcracker." Another son, on Whidbey Island, arranges our mother and son travels together. We meet by train and plane to revisit farmers markets, art house movies, drink wine and eat chocolate, visit historical places and scour retro shops. And of course, get caught up on our news with no interruptions from our busy lives. My third son lives in Connecticut and comes by to build me a garden shed and paint my kitchen and make me shelves. He is a natural born story teller, so we laugh a lot together. I feel I have friends for life with my sons. My oldest grandchild is now taking after her dad and flies home to see her "cool" nana. We get our toes painted at a nearby Salon and she picks out a few things from my junky jewelry drawer. It's not so bad. It's pretty perfect actually. I will await more from your grandparent sweet voice for all of us to enjoy and relate.
59
Thank you for this! I have two sons, 27 and 30 and as they each approach marriage I keep hearing from almost everyone that I will lose them to their wives and in-laws. That really breaks my heart and given how close we've all ways been, feels impossible. So great to hear of the ways you continue to stay engaged with your sons.
3
This article conveyed what I have shared with others, I have "lost" a piece of my daughters with the birth of each of my 5 grandchildren. As the children have gotten slightly older the "lost" pieces have begun to return two fold; through my daughters and my 5 little loves. It is a journey of love.
55
I was one of the last of my friends to have a baby and I remember the words of advice one of the friends with an older child gave before my son was born to have lunch with my mom before the baby came because soon she wouldn't be only my mother but my son's grandmother. There would be a shift, even if slight and perhaps imperceptible in our relationship. I'm not sure I fully appreciated that advice then but there are often times that I do miss the easy status of being only my mother's child and not the mother of her grandchild as well.
14
This makes me so nostalgic for family trips and those alone times with my mom that I am using this article as a reminder to never, ever take those intimate moments for granted.
12
So my college friend Paula is a bubbe. And a wonderful one, too, schlepping in from Jersey once a week--on trains, no less. Would my mother's mother have done the same? Fortunately, she didn't have to, being three blocks away in Manhattan. I look forward to Paula's work, because it makes us look back. And that's a pretty nice place to be. But she doesn't lose sight of the future, either. And after all, we're destined to spend the rest of our lives there.
25
Anxiously awaiting a grandfather's perspective.
10
When my boys were 3 and 5, I had late-stage cancer and my goal (unreasonable as it may have seemed) was to miraculously live long enough to see them finish high school. The kids are now 20 and 23 and my goal is to live long enough to have grandchildren (but not too soon!). Ms. Span beautifully articulates that sweet spot where the parent/child relationship morphs into something that resembles friendship (but better). I'm currently drinking that in and grateful for the reminder to savor every sip.
3
Please write one, and offer it to the NYT or some other publication!
1
Goodness. Nothing wrong with that.
Beautiful essay. Being a generous grandmother is a goal I aspire to!
19
This lovely piece is especially meaningful for me, another mother of an accomplished adult. How well it captures the getting-losing of this time. (Pause to dab wet eyes.) Happily, this is not just one story but a column I can read regularly. I look forward to enjoying more generation grandparent genre in this space - Thank you, Paula Span and NYT!
20
The writer has a tender perspective on aging that somehow helps it hurt less. Sweet reading, thank you!
25
Without grandparents to do some occasional babysitting, parents would lose their minds before their child turns 2.
14
Ed writes that without grandparents babysitting, "parents would lose their minds before their child turns 2." Ah HA! My husband and I lost our parents early. At long last I know what happened to my mind! ;)
5
My mother was physically incapable of babysitting by the time my children were born - and I probably wouldn't have wanted her to since her ways of dealing with kids were not mine. (I learned to "mother" by watching a friend of mine raise her daughter - learned what not to do from my mother.) So this piece made me sad - for myself and for her, that we didn't have a relationship that could have made her close to my kids (or me). I am close to both my kids and hope to enjoy their children some day (they are only in college now, so not yet!)
3
Being an older, first-time grandmother myself, the article rang a bell with me. It is well-written, and reminds me that change is inevitable, yet can be rewarding. Thank you!
19
i smiled through this entire essay. can't wait for more.
16
I just shared a family vacation with my son and daughter and their spouses and two grandbabies: a one tear- old and a 2 month-old. Not relaxing, but so much precious time with the babies and their parents. We are hoping to do it every year if schedules can be coordinated.
8
This is wonderful. I love the name Bartola!
7
Looking forward to reading more of this series. Love her columns on aging and caregiving.
12
Witty and wise, encouraging and sobering. Terrific new column at just the right time for us Boomers entering the stage Span has entered. Very much looking forward to future installments.
8
This is a lovely, heartfelt description of an enormous life-changing event. Thank you so much for sharing it!
6
This is a delight. So glad the Times is running a series on "retro Brooklynese artisanal grandparenting." Looking forward to more.
16
Wonderful! Looking forward to your future columns.
5
My mother and I became even closer when i had children. I am not sure why you would assume otherwise. you will be the only person (other than her husband) who cares about EVERYTHING that baby does!
30
@Patty - Very true! Was true of my relationship with my mother and now with my daughter who has her own 2 daughters - for exactly the reason you said... plus you can find a whole new way to have a loving relationship....if things were rocky - in either direction, this can become a great opportunity to bond again. (Not that it also isn't a challenge, at times, to be a parent in a completely different way… :-)
Can't help but think of the beautiful Malvina Reynolds song "Turn Around." Of course now it moves me in a way it didn't when I first heard it as a teenager!
Can't help but think of the beautiful Malvina Reynolds song "Turn Around." Of course now it moves me in a way it didn't when I first heard it as a teenager!
4
When my friend's mother died very suddenly, this is EXACTLY what my distraught friend expressed, sobbing on the other end of the phone. Her mother was the ONLY person besides she and her husband who cared about the minutiae of her children's lives.
I never forgot that and over the next decade have realized how lucky I am that my mother, and father too, want to know every detail of my children's lives.
I never forgot that and over the next decade have realized how lucky I am that my mother, and father too, want to know every detail of my children's lives.
4
Nice. Lovely future.
3