I recently turned 54.
I just (as in last-Sunday-just) finished clearing out my parents' house. My sister lives on the West Coast with family complications of her own (her husband passed away ~ 6 weeks after my father), so she hasn't been available to come over and help much.
I just spent 3 years cleaning out items from my parents, their parents, and my uncle. They were both children of the Depression, so they did not throw out things. They'd been in their house since 1973, but some of the items date from the late 19th century.
We did manage to send some items to an auction. But the bulk of the items were low value / too damaged. Goodwill doesn't want it if it's older than a couple of years. Salvation Army won't come get it. My mother's church has nowhere to store it to donate it. There is no giving away much of this stuff. We ended up with three dumpsters because we had to clear the house. (I have not told my mother about the dumpsters.) I shifted some specific things (old glassware, records, sewing machines, a few pieces of furniture) to my house in preparation of selling them, but I wouldn't be surprised if the bulk still ends up getting tossed.
In addition, it's just me. Work / taking care of my 91 yr old mother / my (smaller) house prevented any proper vetting of items. I'm glad I got through what I could, but I feel like I've lost a part of my family's history.
I just (as in last-Sunday-just) finished clearing out my parents' house. My sister lives on the West Coast with family complications of her own (her husband passed away ~ 6 weeks after my father), so she hasn't been available to come over and help much.
I just spent 3 years cleaning out items from my parents, their parents, and my uncle. They were both children of the Depression, so they did not throw out things. They'd been in their house since 1973, but some of the items date from the late 19th century.
We did manage to send some items to an auction. But the bulk of the items were low value / too damaged. Goodwill doesn't want it if it's older than a couple of years. Salvation Army won't come get it. My mother's church has nowhere to store it to donate it. There is no giving away much of this stuff. We ended up with three dumpsters because we had to clear the house. (I have not told my mother about the dumpsters.) I shifted some specific things (old glassware, records, sewing machines, a few pieces of furniture) to my house in preparation of selling them, but I wouldn't be surprised if the bulk still ends up getting tossed.
In addition, it's just me. Work / taking care of my 91 yr old mother / my (smaller) house prevented any proper vetting of items. I'm glad I got through what I could, but I feel like I've lost a part of my family's history.
50
The passing down of classic "heirlooms" - such as china and silver - doesn't seem very important to the younger generations. Items that have sentimental value they connect to, as well as "stuff" that can be sold for cash seem to be preferred.
8
My parents' Lenox 'wedding' china from 1962 - silver trimmed Weatherly pattern - has been unwrapped from storage boxes and are my everyday plates. They are elegant and every meal feels like a special occasion.
87
We have found donating to charities a great way to give and we've been doing it for years. Slow but steady, 3 or 4 times a year gives us time to think what is it we really can get by without. A lot as it turns out.
28
Just went through this with my MIL whose dementia finally put her in assisted living; we had to rent the house to afford her care so it had to be cleared out. While not a hoarder she was a packrat and sentimental and a depression baby so the place was jammed with stuff. She had written notes on everything, as instructions to us when the day came that we sorted through the house, and for her everything was important to keep.
Will never forget the note in the (stuffed to the brim) china cabinet: "I ask only one thing-and this is very important to me. Keep everything". Sigh, of course we couldn't and didn't. The reality is that objects have meaning only to their owner and it's unfair and nonsensical to expect or demand that other people take on that meaning through holding on to objects. They simply can't and should never be expected to do so. We kept some photos, a few pieces of furniture and the rest we discarded. Not sorry about that, and alternate between smiling and snarling at that directive 'keep everything' indeed
Will never forget the note in the (stuffed to the brim) china cabinet: "I ask only one thing-and this is very important to me. Keep everything". Sigh, of course we couldn't and didn't. The reality is that objects have meaning only to their owner and it's unfair and nonsensical to expect or demand that other people take on that meaning through holding on to objects. They simply can't and should never be expected to do so. We kept some photos, a few pieces of furniture and the rest we discarded. Not sorry about that, and alternate between smiling and snarling at that directive 'keep everything' indeed
50
I am now 71. When we moved to Canada from UK, 32 years ago, and all of our "stuff' was in a shipping container we discussed what of it we would miss if it didn't make it. We knew it was only the photographs. The rest was just material which was replaceable. We know our children will only want a few of their childhood photographs, if that. They have their own lives and memories. However, I am unable to dispose of most of it before I go, because it represents my life, so they will just have to junk it. That's the price of their inheritance.
37
I have been very lucky. Each time I downsized I was able to shed furnishings to my children who were very grateful for them. I love seeing my former things in their homes - it makes me feel that these belongings and the associated memories live on. My insight about this is that my children actually needed my furniture and dishes because they couldn't afford their own. So it's largely a matter of finances. I suppose that children who have their own means or sufficient means are in a position to reject hand-me-downs.
Also, there is a sense of sentimentality that seems to be missing in many young people. The past was always relevant to me and I cherished objects that were my mother's. I think my children feel the same way.
Linda Slezak, age 74
Also, there is a sense of sentimentality that seems to be missing in many young people. The past was always relevant to me and I cherished objects that were my mother's. I think my children feel the same way.
Linda Slezak, age 74
37
I feel like there are a lot of hoarders in my parents' generation. My dad (68) is a hoarder as were his parents and most of his siblings. They were well off by the standards of the day, so I don't think it is a backlash effect that caused them to accumulate more. It feels like mental illness. I'm luckier than most...my dad used to be an antique dealer, so he truly did have a few very nice pieces, that I would have cherished, but most of it is just junk or nice items that have been neglected beyond repair. I have offered on numerous occasions to help him go through his stuff, get rid of the junk/trash, help him sell whatever he thinks has value and help him take care of anything he wants to hold onto or pass on, but...nope. He won't accept any help and the sad truth is that by the time he does pass away down the road...it will probably all go to the dump and that is a shame.
29
The problem for most of the oblivious keepers of housefuls of stuff is--denial. Lots of people, deep down in their viscera, don't actually comprehend that they are going to die. And that after they die, they will be gone forever. It just won't compute.
53
About those old photographs: My wife spent hours scanning them. the are now on flash drives, and we are guilt free. You can have this done professionally,
23
Sometimes we hang on to stuff because it triggers happy memories. I've found that photos trigger the same memories, so I donate stuff I don't use, after taking photos of it. I'm hoping to slowly go through my stuff so my kids will only have to deal with stuff I cherish enough to use.
15
just a minor annoyance with this article- most of the examples are of silent generation parents and their gen-x kids, but the generations the article labels are baby boomer parents and their millennial kids.
25
Toward the end of their lives they didn't have much ( my parents) a couple of gold coins , some china , a couple of watches and my mothers cook books ( to the most valuable items). The education and their ethics they gave their kids was the most valuable thing and I have always admired them for that.
35
The great thing my 83 year old mom did was to leave it all"in dying order." She didn,t even have a duplicate tool in the garage and all the drawers were neat and tidy. Already downsized into a two bedroom one floor home, she culled all her papers and put us in touch with the Safety deposit box and realtor. What a gal! Stressful to lose the one remaining parent, but she showed such love by doing the really tough work for me and my sister.
84
I think Thoreau had it right by not having a lot of possessions. My parents were that way toward the end of their lives and everything I got from them after they past was memorabilia. I was fine with that.
13
Goodness, too many of these comments are Baby Boomers scolding Millenials for not having their tastes and not wanting to deal with the storage and upkeep of things they don't even want. Relax y'all, and realize that times change. A set of fine china isn't a staple of middle class life anymore; at this rate having student loan debt under $30k will be the marker.
Also recognize that we're doing things later - we're buying homes later. Until then, we're moving from apartment to apartment, which is not suited for heavy furniture. We're getting married later - so not only do we need to buy our own "cheap" household goods until then, but if we do get married, we don't need a lot of the stuff on a traditional wedding registry because we have it already and need to combine two more established households.
Look, I'm a Millenial and this is a conversation I've had with my Baby Boomer mother. It's not that we don't recognize the importance of heirlooms, of being able to hand down things from one generation to another. But most of the stuff you have isn't going to be an heirloom - it's just stuff you don't need. You have to let it go, but that's ok. The love and memories are still there, even if all your kid takes is a dining room table. But just let the rest of that stuff go.
Also recognize that we're doing things later - we're buying homes later. Until then, we're moving from apartment to apartment, which is not suited for heavy furniture. We're getting married later - so not only do we need to buy our own "cheap" household goods until then, but if we do get married, we don't need a lot of the stuff on a traditional wedding registry because we have it already and need to combine two more established households.
Look, I'm a Millenial and this is a conversation I've had with my Baby Boomer mother. It's not that we don't recognize the importance of heirlooms, of being able to hand down things from one generation to another. But most of the stuff you have isn't going to be an heirloom - it's just stuff you don't need. You have to let it go, but that's ok. The love and memories are still there, even if all your kid takes is a dining room table. But just let the rest of that stuff go.
61
This article makes excellent points about donating, ways of weeding out stuff, and tastes that have changed. So-called "brown" wooden furniture has been "out" for a decade and will continue to be, as Mid-Century modern has grown popular with people in their twenties and thirties.
I do quibble with the author's lumping baby boomers with a 49 year-old Gen Xer's 89 year-old Greatest Generation mother. Please don't be so careless in writing. It is true that baby boomers are downsizing now, in their sixties, and their adult children won't have this problem as much later, and that is a major difference in timing. But bear in mind that baby boomers are born, according to a current definition, 1946-1964. The 89 year-old is born in 1928. The article's focus is an elderly woman, not a baby boomer.
An important issue in all this is why now? Elderly need to downsize for obvious reasons of moving due to health needs or dying. Boomers are downsizing for economic reasons and because they may have already had to dispose of their parent's stuff and hated the thought of doing the same to their kids. There is a huge difference. The result of all this happening at once is a flood of used, still useful manufactured goods on the market. Economists don't calculate this but it has to have some effect on the economy.
I do quibble with the author's lumping baby boomers with a 49 year-old Gen Xer's 89 year-old Greatest Generation mother. Please don't be so careless in writing. It is true that baby boomers are downsizing now, in their sixties, and their adult children won't have this problem as much later, and that is a major difference in timing. But bear in mind that baby boomers are born, according to a current definition, 1946-1964. The 89 year-old is born in 1928. The article's focus is an elderly woman, not a baby boomer.
An important issue in all this is why now? Elderly need to downsize for obvious reasons of moving due to health needs or dying. Boomers are downsizing for economic reasons and because they may have already had to dispose of their parent's stuff and hated the thought of doing the same to their kids. There is a huge difference. The result of all this happening at once is a flood of used, still useful manufactured goods on the market. Economists don't calculate this but it has to have some effect on the economy.
45
The comments here are a total inspiration!
I am 63, and dealt with my parents' house some years ago, and apart from getting asthma from crawling around in their attic without a mask on, it was an amazing experience. Basically, value is what you make of it now, and a lot of this stuff was donated, more was sold at auction during the recession to pay bills, and in all cases, the value was less than one might have thought from looking at it on a shelf, dusted, in its former place. I learned to let go of things and I am now applying it to our own house as we downsize prior to retiring.
The kids have wanted a few things, but the rest will be donated. Take the tax deduction, if you can. Goodwill, on its website, as a guide to value for tax purposes, so one can itemize some things that are donated. Today I gathered a bag of old towels for the Humane Society to use to take care of the dogs and puppies.
I will keep photos, which are flat, but maybe weed some. Some books will be kept. I might start selling some on eBay!
I did notice that my mother's heavy enamel-on-metal danish cookware looks almost new, with the occasional chip, and plan to use it, knowing it will outlive me. In trying not to use plastic, I bought cheaply some used Pyrex dishes with glass lids, from the 1950s and 1960s, on eBay and love them. To live more sustainably, I try to keep the mantra "Reuse, Repurpose, Recycle" in mind, and I am trying to eschew dustcatchers. It's a process, but I am winning.
I am 63, and dealt with my parents' house some years ago, and apart from getting asthma from crawling around in their attic without a mask on, it was an amazing experience. Basically, value is what you make of it now, and a lot of this stuff was donated, more was sold at auction during the recession to pay bills, and in all cases, the value was less than one might have thought from looking at it on a shelf, dusted, in its former place. I learned to let go of things and I am now applying it to our own house as we downsize prior to retiring.
The kids have wanted a few things, but the rest will be donated. Take the tax deduction, if you can. Goodwill, on its website, as a guide to value for tax purposes, so one can itemize some things that are donated. Today I gathered a bag of old towels for the Humane Society to use to take care of the dogs and puppies.
I will keep photos, which are flat, but maybe weed some. Some books will be kept. I might start selling some on eBay!
I did notice that my mother's heavy enamel-on-metal danish cookware looks almost new, with the occasional chip, and plan to use it, knowing it will outlive me. In trying not to use plastic, I bought cheaply some used Pyrex dishes with glass lids, from the 1950s and 1960s, on eBay and love them. To live more sustainably, I try to keep the mantra "Reuse, Repurpose, Recycle" in mind, and I am trying to eschew dustcatchers. It's a process, but I am winning.
43
There is a lack of understanding in this article that speaks to young versus old. Remember, things come in to a house one thing at a time. One thing at a time. Often spread out in time - it's not like it gets imported in one fell swoop. Things often are not intended to pile up, who among you doesn't have lots of stuff you no longer need? Of one sort or another? If nothing else you have digital "stuff" - reams of social media accounts which create a different sort of clutter - no it's not physical but it's not like it isn't taking up space in your head or your life. How much time are you spending on Instagram? Tumblr? Those minutes are equivalent to those objects and you put them up one image, one post at a time. It's not the objects people have difficulty letting go of - it's their lives. Things become representations of experiences, but ultimately of the time lost and the time not yet to come.
29
Why are we so sentimental on things? If I could, I would only leave them money, which is the most desirable "thing" they need. If they request my photobook for story to tell their kids, I will also give to them. Why not? The rest is for show.
6
We have many wonderful things we love and enjoy but understand that our children will not want most of them (we often randomly talk about a few items when they visit and can easily tell if they are interested or not). We label the more significant things they probably want and also things that are worth finding a new home for someday. Depending on the value they will go to auction, estate sale, or donation. We try to weed out continually but keep what we still enjoy, as we are not dead yet. We keep a corner of the basement for items suitable to give to young people just starting out, and invite friends and employees in such a position to stop by and take anything they want. We call this our ongoing free tag sale. We don't worry about all this. It will be taken care of eventually, without guilt or confusion, by a friend who has a business doing this sort of thing. With the labels on selected items, mainly those having some monetary or family value, it should not be too difficult. Having (a reasonable amount of) stuff has been inappropriately pathologized in recent years, but constantly fretting about decluttering and organizing can be just as abnormal.
13
Take photos before donating! We learned when clearing out the MIL's house that it was easier to part with sentimental items if there were photos to refer to later. There was far too much to keep and knowing it was gone but not forgotten eased the stress.
6
Reading this article, I had to chuckle about a comment my mother made around 1972 when she heard that a former classmate of mine had married a doctor and had acquired an impressive collection of Waterford Crystal. She said it to make sure I knew what she thought of my peripatetic, counter-cultural life-style and predilection for men who would never make the money to buy crystal and a large suburban home or an apartment in a ritzy NYC neighborhood. But now, being of an age when I have to think about what to do with the 'treasures' my late husband and I collected over our many years together, at least I don't have to worry about what to do with the Waterford!
14
When I was young and pretty naive, I got married to a sailor. We got stationed in Spain first. We didn't have a pot to pee in and the pay was awful. Please people, do not forget the USO. They do so much to help young families. The amount of baby products they give away alone is staggering. And they really need help.
14
If the kids don't want the complete set of Lenox china, ask around among your slightly younger friends. I can guarantee there is a woman among them who would love to use your china for her next 25 or 30 years.
26
Yes. Yes. and Yes to all points made in this interesting article.
Notwithstanding the fact that we all tend to overestimate the monetary value of many things in our home, many seniors will actually NEED the cash that they might get if they sell SOME of them - the particularly valuable items likes "good" European and Asian art and antiques, African lost wax method statuary, rare books and the like?
Where do we turn for appraisals the cost of which won't negate much of the profit we are trying to make from selling?
I recently searched online for info on the value of a particular Belgian painter. Visited a well known international auction house website only to discover that there is plenty of info to be had on this painter, but in order to get it I would have to pay a hefty fee just to access! What's a mere middle class downsizer to do?
Notwithstanding the fact that we all tend to overestimate the monetary value of many things in our home, many seniors will actually NEED the cash that they might get if they sell SOME of them - the particularly valuable items likes "good" European and Asian art and antiques, African lost wax method statuary, rare books and the like?
Where do we turn for appraisals the cost of which won't negate much of the profit we are trying to make from selling?
I recently searched online for info on the value of a particular Belgian painter. Visited a well known international auction house website only to discover that there is plenty of info to be had on this painter, but in order to get it I would have to pay a hefty fee just to access! What's a mere middle class downsizer to do?
7
This is what eBay was made for. Start now.
Now I just need to follow my own advice.
Now I just need to follow my own advice.
9
I strongly disagree with the statement: "tend to acquire household goods that they consider temporary or disposable". When I was in college I purchased eight nesting stainless steel bowls, at a garage sale I picked up a complete, but mismatched set of Corelle Ware, I have four cast-iron skillets and a dozen pint-glasses picked up at various charitable events. They have no monetary, sentimental or collectible value, but when I'm dead they'll be in the same shape they're in today.
17
Didn't get to finish my story so don't publish it. Thanks. Dang computers....
1
Timely article, for us. We are in the midst of preparing stuff for a garage sale, starting tomorrow. My back aches. We plan to do this twice a year, as is the custom in this town. We are elderly and have no kids, so it is up to us to decide what to do with this stuff. The silver and china is a big problem. It is "valuable" but what is the value really if there are no buyers?
After his wife died, my brother hired an estate sale professional who took care of the whole process and gave him a check. It saved my brother a lot of pain.
After his wife died, my brother hired an estate sale professional who took care of the whole process and gave him a check. It saved my brother a lot of pain.
12
I think this is just a wider swing of the pendulum of what has always happened. Biedermeier stuff was out, and then it was hot. Primitive stuff was in; then it was out. Mid century modern was SOOO out, and then it was in. All our parents' stuff will end up in land fills, and then it will become rare (even if it came from an era of rampant acquisition) and then the next generation will suddenly think it is OK. That is the cycle of life. (I'm 64, and I love my parents' stuff, but I don't expect my daughter to)
23
I agree with donating. Be done with it and help out someone less fortunate.
And please please please make provisions for the pets! They are not "things."
And please please please make provisions for the pets! They are not "things."
28
What am I going to do with my antique outboard engine collection, maybe a dozen strong, and the inboard Atomic4 in my basement? And the miscellaneous tools that my father gave me when he downsized? I did toss his trove of electric motors at that time, along with 2 "Got Junk?" truckloads of other stuff. My son has no use for any of this (although he does call on me to fix things).
12
Donate to a museum or a fishing roadside attraction. A nonprofit will give you a tax deductible donation form. They will exhibit what fits their collection needs, and find a home for those outboard motors they don't need. Or put a "Free to a good home" ad on the bulletin board of the outdoor rec and fishing/boating shops, or on Craigslist or . . . .
3
I know what you all are talking about. I have spent thousands of $ on storage plus comments from many friends about how my parents antique furniture looks odd in my home. I enjoy looking at the old familiar furniture, the 150 year old silverware, beautiful Limoges China, 150 year old oil paintings. So to Hell with what my friends and interior designers think! They can have their modern uncomfortable furniture.
46
The 150 year old silverware, beautiful Limoges China, 150 year old oil paintings....they sound beautiful, and you are fortunate to own such fine things in your home -- they are timeless for those who appreciate fine things!
12
One day all these laid-back, anti-possession young people will want or need "good dishes" and a nice dining room table. And with today's wages, they will find they can't afford them. Casual things are great when you're young, but life changes and sometimes, later, you have to kick it up a notch.
54
We're married 45 years in December, ans somehow have never made it to the stage of needing to 'kick it up a notch.'. When we moved cross country five years ago to be near grandchildren, we ditched all our plain jane traditional style furniture, and furnished our downsized California condo almost 100% from Ikea. The one thing we did hang on to was our vast library of children's books, which, surprisingly, our grandchildren greatly prefer to the newer ones we have purchased and get from the library.
4
That said, most people I know in their 40's and 50's don't have formal dinner parties or use "good dishes" for special occasions. I realize I will probably have to sell quite a bit of inherited items - including my great-grandparents' antique sets of dishes- for lack of storage or display space. Yet my husband and I were recently given a full set of "new" formal dishes, bought by my father-in-law and his late second wife about 15 years ago, used once or twice at most. My husband insists on keeping them although neither he nor his father (who now lives in assisted living) has any sentimental attachment to them. It's simply another matter of "they're too good to give away, and we might use them sometime." I would dearly love to donate them to a thrift shop or give them to friends (anyone that would appreciate rust-colored dishes, which match exactly nothing we own). My father died almost three years ago, and my mother is STILL weeding through boxes of old papers, broken appliances, etc., in order to find what's worth keeping - family photographs, writings, historical documents.
5
Can you be more specific...? I'm 30, I live in a 2-bedroom apartment in the city using dishes from Ikea and Target every day, and anyone I "entertain" is a peer and expects no standard higher than this. I have no reason to believe that all of us of this generation will arbitrarily start holding one another to higher standards at some point in the future...?
16
There are some things that are just 'stuff' and other things that are touchstones of meaning, continuity and beauty - as well as usefulness - if you appreciate and take care of them. I think the youngest generation would be wise to consider what they are being offered before they reject it wholesale, in favour of mass-produced disposable crap.
I've been fortunate enough to inherit some amazing, unique pieces - including a clamshell chair from the 20s and a gun cabinet that my grandfather made from birch logs. He put shelves in the cabinet and my mom lacquered it a rich black, and it lives on as a china cabinet.
When my dad, who was a hoarder, passed away, we had a huge estate sale and got rid of everything that we could. It was therapeutic to see his things get a new lease on life with new people. And what I wish I held onto? His journals and other writing. After the pain of grief subsides, it's a way to get to know someone over again. Hasty disposal of many things can lead to regret.
I agree that we should all have less stuff, but taking on the well-made pieces of past generations is a good way to do that. Chintz furniture can be recovered, if the frame is good, and will last longer than most of the furniture made today. Maybe if we all more seriously considered what we bring into our homes, there would be less need to do huge edits at different points in our life.
I've been fortunate enough to inherit some amazing, unique pieces - including a clamshell chair from the 20s and a gun cabinet that my grandfather made from birch logs. He put shelves in the cabinet and my mom lacquered it a rich black, and it lives on as a china cabinet.
When my dad, who was a hoarder, passed away, we had a huge estate sale and got rid of everything that we could. It was therapeutic to see his things get a new lease on life with new people. And what I wish I held onto? His journals and other writing. After the pain of grief subsides, it's a way to get to know someone over again. Hasty disposal of many things can lead to regret.
I agree that we should all have less stuff, but taking on the well-made pieces of past generations is a good way to do that. Chintz furniture can be recovered, if the frame is good, and will last longer than most of the furniture made today. Maybe if we all more seriously considered what we bring into our homes, there would be less need to do huge edits at different points in our life.
33
Went from Northern 6 bedroom 3 bath house , to southern house of 2300sq ft .
Back to NY to a 970 sq ft apartment. All in 43 years
The kids don't want our crap and we ain't paying to store it . That's how you get to 970 sq ft !!!!
Back to NY to a 970 sq ft apartment. All in 43 years
The kids don't want our crap and we ain't paying to store it . That's how you get to 970 sq ft !!!!
25
I periodically rid myself of stuff, nice stuff, and my friends who collect don't understand. But my house is nice and clear of clutter and theirs have piles everywhere. Ugh. It's so psychological.
30
Nothing relaxes me more than cleaning out drawers, cabinets, closets and the garage. Empty cabinets and drawers literally make me feel calm.
At 50, with 2 kids in college, we look forward to rarely buying anything but clothes and food from now on. And since we never bought a big house to begin with, we can't really downsize unless we move to a 1-bedroom apartment or condo.
A big house filled with rooms of furniture and closets filled to capacity would stress me out so much.
At 50, with 2 kids in college, we look forward to rarely buying anything but clothes and food from now on. And since we never bought a big house to begin with, we can't really downsize unless we move to a 1-bedroom apartment or condo.
A big house filled with rooms of furniture and closets filled to capacity would stress me out so much.
12
Our church sponsored a refugee family from Bosnia. They had lived for many years in a refugee camp. The only household item they brought was a brass hand crank coffee grinder. When asked for donations of household goods, I donated a set of Wedgwood dishes and flatware I'd stored in my basement, from my grandmother. They appreciated the gift, one that wasn't making do with what they received.
40
And I bet they will cherish and use it for a very long time!
9
First world problems of materialistic people.
The thinking is.... "I have China so therefore I am refined and upper class. My children are also refined and upper class." Except don't call it class because we are a classless society.
The thinking is.... "I have China so therefore I am refined and upper class. My children are also refined and upper class." Except don't call it class because we are a classless society.
13
This will be a great time to observe the generational shift and change our habits. I think the fine china trend is still happening for brides, but as more young people set up home in ever tinier spaces, we all just gotta pare down our stuff.
9
This is a very thought-provoking article on at least three levels: the first-world problem of having too much (expensive) stuff; the fact that, after all, it's only stuff; and that the expensive stuff that your children don't want can make other people, especially those in need, very happy.
The joy of giving your stuff to people who will really appreciate and use it (after all, the sterling silver fork is still only a fork) while you can still realize the benefit that these folks will receive is, to me, the antidote to the family-related angst referred to in the article.
You really can't take it with you, you know.
The joy of giving your stuff to people who will really appreciate and use it (after all, the sterling silver fork is still only a fork) while you can still realize the benefit that these folks will receive is, to me, the antidote to the family-related angst referred to in the article.
You really can't take it with you, you know.
29
As someone who volunteers at a thrift shop, I can tell you we don't want the stuff either. This is 2017, and no one is using fine china, no one is collecting Hummels, and certainly no one wants your dark, heavy furniture. Don't even get me started on armories. Sorry, but no thank you. Picture frames are also becoming a nuisance donation.
49
Take what you want then have an estate sale. Give the cash to your parents and then donate whatever does not sell.
9
A 75 year old relative of my husband's recently told me she wished she knew someone "deserving" of her wedding dress...from 1962.
Her closets, attic and garage are filled to the brim because she spent most days of her adult life shopping. She has entire rooms, fully furnished, that sit untouched year after year after year.
It will all be put on the curb when she dies or must be moved into a care facility.
It's so depressing.
Her closets, attic and garage are filled to the brim because she spent most days of her adult life shopping. She has entire rooms, fully furnished, that sit untouched year after year after year.
It will all be put on the curb when she dies or must be moved into a care facility.
It's so depressing.
36
This is so spot on! Two years ago, my father (who is in his 80's) hired professional movers to pack up his garage in boxes and move it 1,000 miles away. These boxes now sit in my garage.
My husband has badgered me so I have slowly started looking through the boxes. Mostly junk. I found my grandmother's yearly income tax returns from 1955-1975! Who keeps stuff like that???
My husband has badgered me so I have slowly started looking through the boxes. Mostly junk. I found my grandmother's yearly income tax returns from 1955-1975! Who keeps stuff like that???
26
When my dad passed in 2008, among the files he had was a 1947 receipt from a rural electrician to install a fuse box so that their farm could join the electrification project. It was for $7.35. The family had moved off the farm in 1965 and sold it in 1988. But he had a record "just in case."
25
"Who keeps stuff like that???"
My mother. Sigh.
My mother. Sigh.
9
Who keeps this stuff? Clearly people with garages!
3
Sounds like an ideal time to become a picker. What's old will become new again.
11
My mother, now 98, has shed many of her possessions as she moved, eventually to a memory care home. Her large dining room table went to a foster care home with 15 kids, her cherry china buffet was repainted and now is the perfect sturdy storage for an 8 year old's action figure collection and 14 year old girls now sew with her machine at a church program. But her china....12 pieces, Lenox, gorgeous and totally not my style. Let's not talk about my own 8 piece place setting that rarely gets used. I put an ad on Craig's List, with photos of the china and offered it "free to a good home, just tell me how your family will cherish my mother's china". The best response I got was from a young family - their parents had emigrated to America from Vietnam and were able to bring nothing from their homes. The young mother wanted her kids to have the experience of sitting down with 'good china' for holidays. When they picked it up, the father asked me if I wouldn't consider selling it instead of giving it away. And if not, he offered to make a donation to whatever charity I chose, in my mother's name. Which he did. For $250, to the Alzheimer's Foundation. Needless to say, by the time the china was loaded in their car, everyone was in tears. I am looking forward to the photos of their family around the dining room table, celebrating a holiday...with my mother's china.
240
Incredible story! <3
7
sweet...
3
What a beautiful way to bless another family and ensure her china has a new life where it will be used and cherished. I'm sure she would approve!
My mother and I sewed some beautiful formal draperies together shortly before her death. When I moved, they wouldn't work in my new house and no longer fit my style. I decided I had a choice of keeping them in storage, where they would likelt dry rot or mildew, or give them a new life with someone else. I sold them, and made sure the person who bought them knew the story. Every now and then I have a twinge of regret, but the sadness is not because I actually want blue toile drapes again, it's because I'll never make another project with my mom again--and holding on to everything she ever touched won't change that. So the "stuff" can go. The memory I get to keep.
My mother and I sewed some beautiful formal draperies together shortly before her death. When I moved, they wouldn't work in my new house and no longer fit my style. I decided I had a choice of keeping them in storage, where they would likelt dry rot or mildew, or give them a new life with someone else. I sold them, and made sure the person who bought them knew the story. Every now and then I have a twinge of regret, but the sadness is not because I actually want blue toile drapes again, it's because I'll never make another project with my mom again--and holding on to everything she ever touched won't change that. So the "stuff" can go. The memory I get to keep.
16
We are in our seventies. We have a 4K square foot ranch house in Texas. We also have a burn pile. Problem solved.
16
It took us a YEAR to clean out my parents' 4 bedroom house with the three car garage, crammed with things my mother insists are of great value. Two different appraisers told us there was nothing of any value, despite what my parents paid for them. At 83, she's sitting pretty in a one-bedroom apartment, and me, her 60-year-old minion, has a house crammed full of her crap that she insisted we couldn't just give away. Dealing with her and her multiple daily demands, plus trying to reclaim my own house, is just so overwhelming. The best gift you can give your kids is to downsize BEFORE you're too sick to do it, and for the love of God, when your kids say they don't want your stuff, believe them and don't lay on the guilt trip.
97
Just put it in boxes and tell her you have it. It is the least you can do. When she is gone, you will be glad you respected her wishes.
8
Once she has given it to you, it's yours. So start culling it, a few items at a time, and giving it to friends or Goodwill or the white elephant sale at church. She won't even notice if you do it gradually.
My own mother moved into a retirement home 5 months ago, and now says she doesn't remember all that well the house she lived in for 40 years.
We kids have taken what we want, and are prepping the rest for a sale. The house will go after that.
My own mother moved into a retirement home 5 months ago, and now says she doesn't remember all that well the house she lived in for 40 years.
We kids have taken what we want, and are prepping the rest for a sale. The house will go after that.
3
Her stuff: Its not your stuff. Donate it immediately and reclaim YOUR life, YOUR home.
18
millenials arent connected to things. All I need to remember is archived on dropbox and FB.
My mom gave me.a bunch of mementos from.when.I was a kid. My Eagle.Scout uniform, my old awards, my old crap. Thats all it really is, shiny crap. I tossed it somewhere and havent cared about it since.
As for other things, millenials have no security. i cant buy big pieces of expensive furniture A because I dont have the money. B because I could lose my job and have to move into a car at any moment. C I dont want a piece of furniture, Id rather have extra mortgage payments saved so I may have a home to die in someday.
Also, millenials dont have families. My parents are divorced and my Dad has a new better family. I hope I get some sort of money based inheretance so I can pay off my student loans someday, but essentially I expect nothing because my Dad is the multimillionaire and his new wife is my age. My mom will pass her debts on to me.when she dies.
Life sucks for us. I dont have time for Lenox. If I got some Id sell it because Id rather have thr money so I have a roof over my head and not a carttop or a tent. I have a bunch of friends that live in RVs, and I really want to keep my little house.
My mom gave me.a bunch of mementos from.when.I was a kid. My Eagle.Scout uniform, my old awards, my old crap. Thats all it really is, shiny crap. I tossed it somewhere and havent cared about it since.
As for other things, millenials have no security. i cant buy big pieces of expensive furniture A because I dont have the money. B because I could lose my job and have to move into a car at any moment. C I dont want a piece of furniture, Id rather have extra mortgage payments saved so I may have a home to die in someday.
Also, millenials dont have families. My parents are divorced and my Dad has a new better family. I hope I get some sort of money based inheretance so I can pay off my student loans someday, but essentially I expect nothing because my Dad is the multimillionaire and his new wife is my age. My mom will pass her debts on to me.when she dies.
Life sucks for us. I dont have time for Lenox. If I got some Id sell it because Id rather have thr money so I have a roof over my head and not a carttop or a tent. I have a bunch of friends that live in RVs, and I really want to keep my little house.
50
AMEN. I was reading this article & simply seething, thinking "typical baby boomers, had it so easy." They want us to live the life they had - well, it's GONE. Thanks.
9
I've long recognized this whole problem and attempted to "donate" many times. Other than Goodwill, which resells for profit, I cannot find organizations who are will to receive material donations. My "stuff" isn't plastic junk and crap, I always bought quality items. Only to find after extensive browsing, searching, and researching, that all of the apparently charitable organizations who purport to so desparately need help and donations to do their good work-- don't want "things." The only donations they want are MONEY, not perfectly good quality durable goods that needy people could use. It seems they want to do good works but only on their terms, which is money. Meanwhile, my good stuff sits around unused with no place to go, and I can't figure out how to find and connect up with that burned-out family who could really use a brand new, never-opened bedding set, etc. etc. I fear my useful goods will end up in a landfill. Help!
20
there are lots of local sites on FB where you can exchange or give away item's you no longer want. They're not hard to find.
5
Many organizations don't want 'stuff' because they would then have to store it themselves, so the disposal problem would then be theirs. Are there organizations that help refugees set up house? Hospitals or religious groups with thrift shops? Freecycle? Church rummage sales? Craigs list? Or that old urban standby, the alley? I've put unwanted things in the alley after supper and they're gone in the morning and have found some useful things there myself while walking the dog. 1-800-GOT-JUNK charges money but asks if you want the stuff donated or recycled so it might not end up in a landfill.
5
You can try offering your stuff for free on a local Facebook buy-sell group. I often see needy people acquire stuff they need that way. You actually could try selling some of it first on those groups, and only donate what does not sell.
4
There is potential for some young, industrious well funded entrepreneur to acquire and store "stuff". Our Grandchildren or Great Grandchildren will be scrambling for antiques. I would do it myself if I had a storehouse, and if I weren't in my 70's, and I would start with my Grandmothers Pewter and Brown -ware.... such a shame.....
13
it doesn't make sense. who doesn't want silver? it has enormous monetary value and surely it's nicer to use everyday than the plated junk you get at any home goods store. polishing can be a pain but it's like a twice yearly chore. I'll take the silver! I'll take the china too.
26
I had yearly "garage sales" every May/June to keep sorting and downsizing.. It was fun and on a yearly basis, I never accumulated too much! I met my neighbors and made a few hundred dollars!
9
More than half of all the furnishings in our house are second hand items that we have acquired over the years. The reason we do it is because we do appreciate the quality and beauty of some of these old items. We have bought very fine furniture for cents on the dollars. We have seen dinning room sets that we know retail for $100,000 sold for $10,000.
I wish that young people would make more of an effort at antique and home furnishing appreciation, not because they want to accumulate stuff but because they appreciate the beauty and hand made quality of their patent's "stuff"
We saw a very similar fireplace set and irons that we owe displayed in the movie "Lincoln" We were surprised to find out that it could be from a much earlier historical period than we thought. We don't love these things for their value, we love them for their beauty and enduring quality. We also have mid century modern furniture and we have arranged it all very eclectically.
Young people should know that they don't need a lot of stuff, they just need the best pieces that they can buy.
I wish that young people would make more of an effort at antique and home furnishing appreciation, not because they want to accumulate stuff but because they appreciate the beauty and hand made quality of their patent's "stuff"
We saw a very similar fireplace set and irons that we owe displayed in the movie "Lincoln" We were surprised to find out that it could be from a much earlier historical period than we thought. We don't love these things for their value, we love them for their beauty and enduring quality. We also have mid century modern furniture and we have arranged it all very eclectically.
Young people should know that they don't need a lot of stuff, they just need the best pieces that they can buy.
16
Many of us do. Unfortunately, not all of the stuff our parents want us to keep are either quality or useful.
7
I do not expect my kids to want much of what we have, and this does not hurt my feelings at all. Different generations have different tastes. However, as far as furniture goes, i might remind the younger folks that if they are really as environmentally conscious as they profess to be, they should realize that "antiques" are furniture being recycled and reused. Buying from a IKEA means cutting down trees.
51
I am in my 60's. For several years now I have had what I call a "coffee table garage sale". Every thing is free.
So when we have a family gathering, I load up the table with stuff we don't need or want. Some is nice. My family guests go over it all and take what they want.
I don't watch either. What is left, which is little is take to Salvation Army or a local NFP resale shop. I have eliminated 7 feet of excess. It is fun for all. Glad I started early. Now I have more room. I don't remember any of the give ways either.
So when we have a family gathering, I load up the table with stuff we don't need or want. Some is nice. My family guests go over it all and take what they want.
I don't watch either. What is left, which is little is take to Salvation Army or a local NFP resale shop. I have eliminated 7 feet of excess. It is fun for all. Glad I started early. Now I have more room. I don't remember any of the give ways either.
24
My dad is a hoarder. When he dies, I have--literally, cause he used to be a landlord--three stuffed houses and a barn's worth of dusty junk to go through. And I'm an only child, with no help whatsoever. Almost makes me hope I die before he does.
21
You don't have to.
Burn it. Give it away. Or, sigh, be responsible and hire someone on commission to get rid of it all. Seriously.
Burn it. Give it away. Or, sigh, be responsible and hire someone on commission to get rid of it all. Seriously.
9
Surprisingly valuable items are often found in such houses and barns. I would look at each item carefully, you never know. If you wanted, you could bring in an experienced picker and split 50/50.
7
I am an only child and my parents died 10 years ago. I know exactly what you are going through. The good news is that you won't have to worry about other people's opinions. You can decide.
The amount of stuff will be mind-boggling, but process it in a methodical way. You will need several dumpster-loads--my parents' house needed 30. You will find things of value hidden in the junk, so keep an eye out. Clean things as you go along if you plan to auction or consign them. You will need whisky cartons if there are books.
You will get this done, but remember a dust-mask! I made that mistake. Get friends to help in return for pizza--it boosts your morale just to make a party of it.
The main thing is to not worry about it now. Right now, enjoy your father while you still have him, and the rest will fall into place.
The amount of stuff will be mind-boggling, but process it in a methodical way. You will need several dumpster-loads--my parents' house needed 30. You will find things of value hidden in the junk, so keep an eye out. Clean things as you go along if you plan to auction or consign them. You will need whisky cartons if there are books.
You will get this done, but remember a dust-mask! I made that mistake. Get friends to help in return for pizza--it boosts your morale just to make a party of it.
The main thing is to not worry about it now. Right now, enjoy your father while you still have him, and the rest will fall into place.
14
It's natural to hold onto items that may not be useful for you or your children. When looking at an item through the filter of loss, of course you want to keep it! I encourage my clients of all ages to focus on how freeing up space for storage opens up the apartment for living a fuller life. Empty nesters are often inspired by setting up their space to have an easier time hosting guests, enjoying the increased time they spend working from home, or getting a pet. What I've found most interesting about working with my more mature clients is seeing how empowered they are when they reclaim their apartment for themselves after putting others first for so long.
10
My mother started to label all of the sentimental items (jewelry and the like) about 10 years before she passed. For the jewelry, she took digital photos and created a MS Word document with a page for each item and which of us 4 boys would get it. She was trying to make sure it was distributed as evenly as possible from a monetary value perspective.
The other items (china, silver, crystal) were divided among ourselves as we were emptying the house. No one wanted the crystal or silver, so I took it. Furniture was given to the next generation, and what was left was sold.
The surprising part was that you're not only inheriting your parent's items, you're taking on everything they received from older generations that they couldn't part with. I have 6 boxes of various sizes that are the only items left from two grandmothers, a great-aunt, a great-uncle, and both of my parents. And like Russian nesting dolls, these boxes contain things from their parents and grandparents and other older relatives. These are things like my grandmother's missal, her quilting scraps from the last quilt she was working on before she passed away, keepsakes from their school years, and other ephemera that my mother, for whatever reason, was unable to disposition or forgot in the attic. Now they're my problem. I'm 53; I don't plan to pass on the problem to the next generation.
The other items (china, silver, crystal) were divided among ourselves as we were emptying the house. No one wanted the crystal or silver, so I took it. Furniture was given to the next generation, and what was left was sold.
The surprising part was that you're not only inheriting your parent's items, you're taking on everything they received from older generations that they couldn't part with. I have 6 boxes of various sizes that are the only items left from two grandmothers, a great-aunt, a great-uncle, and both of my parents. And like Russian nesting dolls, these boxes contain things from their parents and grandparents and other older relatives. These are things like my grandmother's missal, her quilting scraps from the last quilt she was working on before she passed away, keepsakes from their school years, and other ephemera that my mother, for whatever reason, was unable to disposition or forgot in the attic. Now they're my problem. I'm 53; I don't plan to pass on the problem to the next generation.
15
This is familiar. I found stuff my parents had put in the attic in 1956 from my mother's childhood home. A true blast from the past.
Maybe you can do something creative with these things that would preserve the memories but not take up too much square footage. I you did something creative, it might feel easier to process.
Maybe you can do something creative with these things that would preserve the memories but not take up too much square footage. I you did something creative, it might feel easier to process.
4
I'm 37; I'd love to take more of my mom's stuff, which is now in storage, but I live in a small 2 bedroom 4th floor walkup. I've often considered buying a tiny cottage somewhere upstate specifically for this purpose.. but until I can afford more space here in the city it's not coming home with me. Millennials (and those of us in the bordering generations) are the first to do worse than our parents financially. I'm not surprised by this article at all.
25
We Americans by far too much STUFF. I find that less stuff in the home leads to less clutter in the mind. It is liberating to focus on building emotional attachments with people, places, and ideas rather than things.
15
My mother-in-law died ten years ago, and we have spent $20,000 on a storage unit since then. Her things are beautiful and high quality, but ....just as all have written. It is very interesting to learn that this is an experience that I share with so many others. I will try to find good homes for the remaining few pieces during one more month of paid storage.
13
I was an antique dealer for 20 years, lost my husband, both parents and in-laws in the last 7 years and have young adults. Everyone's stuff ended up at my house. My kids got to go through their boxes of stuff I saved since they were in grade school. The joy it gave me to listen to their wonderful reactions and comments as they sorted through their stuff will stay with me forever.
I told them: Things are just that things. We can't keep the memories and feelings of others alive about their possessions long after they have gone. Memories about possessions are meant to pass when their owner passes. Feelings live in the hearts of the living. Re-live and document stories about what is important to you. Technology makes this easy. Let's do this now so I don't leave you with the burden I have been left with. Have no regrets about what you got rid of, they are just things.
I told them: Things are just that things. We can't keep the memories and feelings of others alive about their possessions long after they have gone. Memories about possessions are meant to pass when their owner passes. Feelings live in the hearts of the living. Re-live and document stories about what is important to you. Technology makes this easy. Let's do this now so I don't leave you with the burden I have been left with. Have no regrets about what you got rid of, they are just things.
12
I did want my mother's crystal that I purchased for her when I lived in Europe. I also wanted the silver tableware. One of the caregivers, however, decided she would help herself to jewelry, the crystal, the silver and more. We knew which caregiver had done it. Funny thing is we gave all the other things, other than pictures and sentimental items to the two honest ladies after her funeral. What they didn't want was donated.
11
I agree 100%. My sister and I had to close down my mother's house when she entered into a nursing home and got rid of most of it. I'm looking to downsize myself as I look to move to a smaller apartment.
I realized a while ago everyone's taste and design style are different and my family, I'm single, wouldn't want most of my stuff except for some jewelry. Donations and auctions are the way to go. Every time I get rid of stuff I feel so much lighter.
I realized a while ago everyone's taste and design style are different and my family, I'm single, wouldn't want most of my stuff except for some jewelry. Donations and auctions are the way to go. Every time I get rid of stuff I feel so much lighter.
10
Use the good china everyday. Or at least start having Sunday dinner or Shabbat meals on it every week.
I'm 50, married for 30 years. We were too poor the first decade of marriage to furnish our home with anything other than what was handed down freely from older generations. Most of these things are still functional and remain in use. What I don't need, I pass along to someone who does or to a charity that can benefit. It never occurred to me to reject a free and needed household good because it didn't fit a certain aesthetic. A cup is a cup. A chair is a chair. A lamp is a lamp. And a table is a table. Paint, fabric dye, refinishing or reworking with basic hand tools can give a piece new life, but often that is not necessary. My home is shelter that needs to be clean and comfortable. It never did project a particular design style and doesn't need one for it to be a happy gathering place for family and friends. My elderly mother has spent her lifetime giving away everything she doesn't need, so there are very few accumulated heirlooms in her possession. The few things she does own are used at least weekly if not daily.
I'm 50, married for 30 years. We were too poor the first decade of marriage to furnish our home with anything other than what was handed down freely from older generations. Most of these things are still functional and remain in use. What I don't need, I pass along to someone who does or to a charity that can benefit. It never occurred to me to reject a free and needed household good because it didn't fit a certain aesthetic. A cup is a cup. A chair is a chair. A lamp is a lamp. And a table is a table. Paint, fabric dye, refinishing or reworking with basic hand tools can give a piece new life, but often that is not necessary. My home is shelter that needs to be clean and comfortable. It never did project a particular design style and doesn't need one for it to be a happy gathering place for family and friends. My elderly mother has spent her lifetime giving away everything she doesn't need, so there are very few accumulated heirlooms in her possession. The few things she does own are used at least weekly if not daily.
18
I DO cherish the many beautiful items my parents have, some of which have been handed down to them. Several items were gifted to me when I became a young adult, which I still enjoy now.
But I am almost 60 and live in a 2-bedroom condo with my husband. And what is most difficult is that I don't have children of my own, thus no one to pass my parents' and grandparents', not to speak of my own, things onto. Nieces or nephews? I don't know.
But I am almost 60 and live in a 2-bedroom condo with my husband. And what is most difficult is that I don't have children of my own, thus no one to pass my parents' and grandparents', not to speak of my own, things onto. Nieces or nephews? I don't know.
7
This article points out something interesting. I never understood why so many older family members looked at their weddings as the last time they were entitled to buy household goods. Things like pots and pans, flatware, dishes, and nice linens. It's because in the past 40-50 years we've had a shift, where it's now acceptable to replace those durable goods. And, I'll also note the explosion of "everyday" dishware and linens available. I'm not judging one way or the other, but it's nice to have that cultural shift pointed out.
Meanwhile, my childless husband and I use a set of inherited silver (plate) and china from his grandparents. Neither of us absolutely love the aesthetics, but we recognize that it's a memento from his childhood. And, when our niece gets married (a great-grandchild) guess what she's getting as a present. Let the next generation enjoy (or give away, or whatever) things without obligation.
Meanwhile, my childless husband and I use a set of inherited silver (plate) and china from his grandparents. Neither of us absolutely love the aesthetics, but we recognize that it's a memento from his childhood. And, when our niece gets married (a great-grandchild) guess what she's getting as a present. Let the next generation enjoy (or give away, or whatever) things without obligation.
10
I think one reason for this new problem is smaller family size. When parents had six kids, they could divvy up the parents' belongings in a manageable fashion. Now there are two kids--maybe even just one--who are left with an entire house worth of furniture and stuff. So the quantity is overwhelming.
17
this was a useful article. However I take issue with the idea that a professional to help seniors to decide what to do with their stuff could cost $50 an hour. It reminded me of the time I learned that people who helped patients navigate there Medical Care. You can't pay a higher hourly rate to the manager than you do to the doctors. I think helping someone sort their stuff is a matter of Lending emotional support and does not require a Ph.D or $50 an hour
8
My mother-in-law used one of these services when it was time to move from her house. The woman charged about $1-2k for her services, but she did a fantastic job. With my MIL, went through the and decided who was getting what (7 married children, 10 grandchildren). What was left was donated to churches ( small church in her community got a new organ); she knew the resale shops and antique stores that would take consignments; knew which charities would take donations. Well worth it. However......I now have stuff from 35 years of my marriage ( including furniture never redone that we bought years ago at auction), stuff from my son's after they moved out, my MIl's stuff given to us, and my parent's things. Am not looking forward to sorting through all this.
5
The best gift an older parents can give their children is taking care of themselves financially. I plan on making sure of this for myself having suffered through a parent who was unwilling to let go of her many things (which she accumulated in abundance) who would then ask her children for money for maintenance. This parent could never accept what her children wanted was not her things that, according to this parent reflected her fine taste; but, rather her children wanted her to live within her means and not accumulate things to "be passed down".
23
Not all Boomers want to hold onto stuff, even those of us who are very sentimental. At 60, I sold my home, donated, recycled, or sold the already pared-down contents, and began traveling full time. Oh, I still work full time, and I have to be frugal, but I'm down to little more than 2 thin laptops and one suitcase, and I've never been happier. When I'm tempted to keep something, I take a photo or write about it. My son and daughter-in-law and I swap anecdotes, not stuff.
18
My mother is a 'sentimental saver' and has imbued many items from her (idealized) past with an almost heroic value. On many occasions I have had to gently inform her that these objects do not have the monetary value she feels they warrant but, more importantly, that she cannot predict which items will be of value to her grandchildren.
She is starting to grasp that it could be the small ceramic figurine painted by my grandmother which might be imbued with the most meaning for the next generation but more importantly, that she cannot dictate someone's preferences based on her memories. The conversations are continuous as she contemplates the most significant downsizing of her life.
She is starting to grasp that it could be the small ceramic figurine painted by my grandmother which might be imbued with the most meaning for the next generation but more importantly, that she cannot dictate someone's preferences based on her memories. The conversations are continuous as she contemplates the most significant downsizing of her life.
8
In many families mothers, mother-in-laws, grandmothers and wealthy aunties use the promise of cherished and valuable items as a petty game to gain attention for themselves and to create strife. I remember my mother being positively heartbroken when my grandmother suddenly gave something long promised to one of her daughters-in-law in an attempt to gain favor with her. These items are often currency in a passive aggressive game and so when I read about all of these "heartbroken" women I wonder where that loss of perceived power to manipulate fits in. I also wonder how many children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews choose not participate in this game and instead say, "I don't want any of it".
21
When my parents went into a retirement community, they graciously gave their children most of their wonderful things, excising some. We have a big family and a big house, just getting into grandchildren, and were glad to take a bunch of family stuff. But we are constantly asking Ms. Kondo's question about whether any particular thing sparks joy. Some stuff doesn't. Still, I have a feeling that there is some faddishness in this spartan anti-material aesthetic, and that some will regret having given up heirlooms. We'll hold on to the neater stuff for now for the sake of the future generations, in part because we can easily do so as the kids deploy and the house gets practically emptier. Who knows, maybe the tide will turn. If not, it's easy to chuck it later. In the throes of a possible fad, how certain are people that items with familial and historic provenance are not worth maintaining?
10
This article made me think and made me sad. When I was 'starting out' I had to source my own 'stuff' despite a house, attic, basement and garage full of excess and unused items kept around as 'heirlooms' which I was told would be 'passed on when I die'. It was hard sometimes. But I got through it. And developed my own taste.
Now I am being offered things I don't want, can't use, haven't got space for and would cost me a great deal of money to both move and repair if I did.
I'm glad of the independence I achieved but sad that in my parents heads they could not be generous when it would have been appreciated, that they weren't good custodians in the care of what they thought would be heirlooms. And I'm glad that in realising this we are doing the opposite.
Now I am being offered things I don't want, can't use, haven't got space for and would cost me a great deal of money to both move and repair if I did.
I'm glad of the independence I achieved but sad that in my parents heads they could not be generous when it would have been appreciated, that they weren't good custodians in the care of what they thought would be heirlooms. And I'm glad that in realising this we are doing the opposite.
30
my parents have always said "it's better to give with a warm hand than a cold one."
5
I often go to estate sales and resale shops and it always amazes me the amount of stuff people accumulate. Sometimes I go the sales and spend HOURS combing through stuff to find just a few valuables or unique items. I'm so glad for this decluttering movement. Americans are over-sold.
5
I have things passed down to me that belonged to my grandparents and my mother. These are things that I grew up looking at and using. I am fortunate in that they were artists and travelers. I have beautiful furniture that my grandfather made and paintings and pottery. I also have very old German China.
I use everything and figure if it gets broken at least it has been loved.
My mother did keep absolutely everything and it was an arduous task to clear out her home. I do wish she had do more to edit earlier. Never the less, I love holding, wearing and gazing at objects where my family has done the same for many decades. Memories, traditions and family connection are part of the richness of life for me.
What we don't want or need either goes on free cycle or on the curb with a big sign that says "free!" It is a wonderful way for other people to enjoy the things that I don't have room for and to help others who may really need things.
I use everything and figure if it gets broken at least it has been loved.
My mother did keep absolutely everything and it was an arduous task to clear out her home. I do wish she had do more to edit earlier. Never the less, I love holding, wearing and gazing at objects where my family has done the same for many decades. Memories, traditions and family connection are part of the richness of life for me.
What we don't want or need either goes on free cycle or on the curb with a big sign that says "free!" It is a wonderful way for other people to enjoy the things that I don't have room for and to help others who may really need things.
11
I'm really not sure that younger people are simply eschewing "stuff." Being at the life stage where nieces and nephews, children of friends etc. are marrying, we have attended quite a few weddings over the past several years. All of the couples whose weddings we attended had registries, including some who had registries at multiple stores. These registries were fairly extensive, and many included (drum roll here) china. The preferred brands were often Vera Wang or Kate Spade (not Lenox etc.), but the couples are nevertheless registering for bone china. I think what has changed over time is tastes -- the preferences of parents and grandparents aren't relevant to millennials, but many are still beginning married life by acquiring the traditional trappings. I predict that in 40 years land fills will be full of moscow mule mugs. They'll also be full of whatever furnishings this generation acquires that no longer meet the tastes and preferences of their heirs.
19
As an only child, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do with my parents, who moved from a giant 11-room house to a 2 bedroom apartment this past winter. Before the move, I tried to get them to get rid of some things, but they wouldn't budge, so we were forced to do it all at once in the span of a couple of weeks. In their new home, they're still going through things, trying to make more space. It's hard because everything has a memory, including my dad's massive collection of books and records, but there just isn't enough room. I wish I had room to keep those precious things for them, but I live in an apartment and their style is so different from mine. Now I try to give them things that are "space savers" and help them organize. It's a process, but I think we're all happier with fewer things. (Jackie: age 27).
16
It is important NOT to give away anything until you have moved and gotten settled. In my own experience I deeply regret selling and giving away certain pieces of furniture that I loved and was attached to. In retrospect I wish I had waited and put everything in storage until I could have time to reflect on what I valued the most and what I could live without.
14
My grandmother had so many collections that she dearly loved that she put off moving to a beautiful apartment in a retirement community for years because it was not large enough to hold all her collections, even while complaining that her big house was too much for her. I vowed never to let "things" run my life.
My grandmother and mother both died in 2014. Both were avid collectors: antique bells, geodes, sharks teeth and petrified dinosaur eggs, china sets and figurines, etc, etc. While my siblings took most of the collections, the only things I valued were the personal: artwork done by my father and old family photos.
And I vowed never to leave my children with the burden of dealing with collections. Instead, I use to money to pay for annual family trips to exotic places, where we all collect memories and photos of our time together.
My grandmother and mother both died in 2014. Both were avid collectors: antique bells, geodes, sharks teeth and petrified dinosaur eggs, china sets and figurines, etc, etc. While my siblings took most of the collections, the only things I valued were the personal: artwork done by my father and old family photos.
And I vowed never to leave my children with the burden of dealing with collections. Instead, I use to money to pay for annual family trips to exotic places, where we all collect memories and photos of our time together.
12
In my grandmother's and mother's day, having Nice Things was a sign you had arrived to the middle class. For someone (like my mom) born into the middle of the Depression with its poverty and deprivation, having good furniture and china made one feel secure.
And don't forget that the "experiences" treasured by Millennials were *very expensive* for previous generations. It's only recently that discount air fare, frequent flyer miles on credit cards, and hotels, AirBnB, etc. have made these experiences affordable. I'm GenX and remember when travel was a luxury and certainly not "wasted" on children (who were sent to grandparents) for working and middle classes. Now you can send your kids to Europe and other destinations in high school.
And don't forget that the "experiences" treasured by Millennials were *very expensive* for previous generations. It's only recently that discount air fare, frequent flyer miles on credit cards, and hotels, AirBnB, etc. have made these experiences affordable. I'm GenX and remember when travel was a luxury and certainly not "wasted" on children (who were sent to grandparents) for working and middle classes. Now you can send your kids to Europe and other destinations in high school.
17
My parents moved from a three-bdr w/ full basement to a 2 bdr no basement in a retirement community, but there was an enormous garage and big closets. Over their married lives, they dragged around things that they'd received as wedding gifts, packed at the first move, and never saw again. It remained in boxes that kept moving with them. Then they had lots more stuff from my mother's family. They did get rid of some things but after my father died, it took us a year to clean out the house so my mother could move. We had to discuss every last piece of whatever it was. Torture.
As the brilliant Roz Chast said in her book "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant" - we had found the source of the River E-bay. We filled an entire room with her treasures that could be sold for $2.50 despite her belief that it was worth a fortune and it took another year to get rid of all of it.
As the brilliant Roz Chast said in her book "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant" - we had found the source of the River E-bay. We filled an entire room with her treasures that could be sold for $2.50 despite her belief that it was worth a fortune and it took another year to get rid of all of it.
8
When my mother moved to a retirement home after over 60 years in her home, I told close relatives they had a month to claim the things that were left behind. My daughter claimed the mid-century firniture to furnish her new home, along with other items - faded wooden canisters, a wall clock which didn't work (and still doesn't), and lots of pictures and old letters. I hired a local firm to deal with the rest: estate sale, donations to charity, recycling, and trash. It cost me $1000 and took a few days and they cleaned the house as well!
5
Sage advice I received in basic training which has served me well over the last 40 years: "If you can't fit it in your duffel bag, you've got too much." I've moved between 3 and 800 miles more than thirty-five times since then. I'm ready to go in under ten minutes.
12
Our nephew and his wife had a catastrophic fire and lost their home a few months before my mom passed! As we live 2,000 miles away and have a house full (already inherited from a great aunt or from our own antiquing) I offered furniture, kitchen goods, linens, anything they needed. It was a win-win situation AND I knew these things would be used and appreciated. Luckily they had his mom's basement for storage until their house was rebuilt. We brought back photos, a few paintings, a cherished rug and jewelry, everything else went in an estate sale before the house went on the market. Being an only child, it was the perfect solution.....we already live in a small house so won't have much downsizing to do as we get older!
9
I went through all this over ten years ago when my parents passed away. As the only child of two demented parents who saved everything, I too, found that they had saved everything for me. Why? Because they lived through the Great Depression and WWII and remembered how every dollar was spent and appreciated the value of every dollar. So much stuff was accumulated because it meant they had "made it."
If someone compliments something, box it up and send it (how my cousin Serena got the blue and white set of dishes). Pour the good silver into the silverware drawer and use it everyday. Drink out of the Waterford glasses everyday. If they break, they break.
Life is about experiences, time with family and friends, relationships, not things. My parents never understood that. One of the best things I kept was the red ceramic bowl my mom made Jello in when I was growing up. It sits in the cupboard and we still use it regularly. Keep the few things that have the most important memories for you, and give the rest away.
If someone compliments something, box it up and send it (how my cousin Serena got the blue and white set of dishes). Pour the good silver into the silverware drawer and use it everyday. Drink out of the Waterford glasses everyday. If they break, they break.
Life is about experiences, time with family and friends, relationships, not things. My parents never understood that. One of the best things I kept was the red ceramic bowl my mom made Jello in when I was growing up. It sits in the cupboard and we still use it regularly. Keep the few things that have the most important memories for you, and give the rest away.
124
I, too, am dealing with the remnants of a Depression Era Mom's penchant for saving everything. She was a hoarder and kept every glass jar, yogurt/cottage cheese container, coffee can, take out/microwave containers, in addition to every single piece of mail plus all the other accumulations of her 94 years on earth. She even kept the stickers off of fruits and veggies. Once my Dad died in 1990 she really ramped up her thirst for aquisitions! I am in the process of selling her house with all the contents still inside. I'm an only child and it's sad and much too much to sort through. I'm only keeping a few items that are precious to me.
5
I use our Wedgwood china everyday! My sister-in-law wondered why we wouldn't save our good stuff for special occasions and I said we are enjoying it more because we see it everyday rather than just for dinner parties and holidays. Same for glassware and flatware. It's much nicer and studier than those chunky working glasses.
6
. . . for dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return.
8
I was just thinking about this. The "stuff" we have. The "stuff" we leave behind. The evidence that we existed. The burden that we cannot seem to avoid...at some point, maybe just maybe we stop measuring our lives with the yardstick of stuff, but deeds instead. What would THAT look like?
8
I have a massive collection of antique blue and white English transferware, and two boys in their 20s, who, I am 100% certain are not the slightest bit interested in holding onto this stuff once I pass into the great beyond. I honestly don't care. I have enjoyed it in my lifetime, and I don't want to dictate what future generations should enjoy. They will inherit this collection someday, and all I have asked them is to please try to connect it to someone who loves old English transferware. If they give it away, that's cool. Honestly, it's all cool. Collect what you like, but don't try to tell other people (or your children) what to keep.
48
I have spent the past few months cleaning out the home my mother and stepfather shared. Although he passed along or disposed of a lot of my mother's things after she died in 2009, an awful lot of her cherished possessions were still there. The hardest thing I've had to do is get rid of things that meant SO very much to both my parents in their lifetimes, yet these things have no meaning to the children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren. It's a heartbreaking process to go through, but it has made me see my own home with a new set of eyes and I am vowing to start tossing things so my children won't have to go through this pain - or at least not so much pain - after I'm gone.
6
Having reached that point in life that I know I must start the process. Eight rooms with all the usual that gets collected in a home that housed a family once.
My daughter's husband spent many weekends for more than ten years of their marriage working on his mother's house that was to be passed down to their son.
The garage was filled with ceiling to floor plastic 20-30 gallon storage tubs holding collections belonging to my daughter and to the mother-in-law to be parceled out to her four children after she was gone.
Then suddenly she had cancer and lived for three years before succumbing.
Now there was this "estate" to deal with four hours away.
Within a few months the house caught fire in one of the famous west coast forest fire rampages. And it was a total loss, including two vehicles.
I took a lesson from that. Not to burden my children with my own "estate" which is probably worth far less than it would take to move it. Life is short. Do something good with t...
My daughter's husband spent many weekends for more than ten years of their marriage working on his mother's house that was to be passed down to their son.
The garage was filled with ceiling to floor plastic 20-30 gallon storage tubs holding collections belonging to my daughter and to the mother-in-law to be parceled out to her four children after she was gone.
Then suddenly she had cancer and lived for three years before succumbing.
Now there was this "estate" to deal with four hours away.
Within a few months the house caught fire in one of the famous west coast forest fire rampages. And it was a total loss, including two vehicles.
I took a lesson from that. Not to burden my children with my own "estate" which is probably worth far less than it would take to move it. Life is short. Do something good with t...
8
I'm 38 and my mother is 62. Her health has declined rapidly since she retired from working at 60 years old. She loves to buy used junk at Goodwill stores and not only fill her home with it, but she also brings bags of it to me every time she visits. Most of the stuff is not usable, unsuitable, etc., so i just throw it away when she leaves. (I've tried to have polite conversations with her about it but she is stubborn and does not care.) I dread when she has to move into a nursing home or dies and I am confronted with cleaning up her home.
9
This is a much needed article. I recently went antiquing with friends? I do understand the saying that one man's junk is another man's treasure, but I was shocked by the amount of land fill worthy detritus we encountered.
The sheer quantity of stuff alarmed me and I decided that my penultimate goal should be to metaphorically die in an empty room. I see so many people who are burdened by an excess of possessions and most storage fees are a rip off that allow you to pay for again what you will most likely never use again.
We should all assess our possessions regularly, and decide what to keep and what must go. New acquisitions should regularly be countered with the giving away of less used or loved possessions.
The sheer quantity of stuff alarmed me and I decided that my penultimate goal should be to metaphorically die in an empty room. I see so many people who are burdened by an excess of possessions and most storage fees are a rip off that allow you to pay for again what you will most likely never use again.
We should all assess our possessions regularly, and decide what to keep and what must go. New acquisitions should regularly be countered with the giving away of less used or loved possessions.
10
I am 63, divorced 25 yrs, w one child (38 yo) who has 2 children. I'm still working, but I already know that my daughter doesn't want much of anything in my home (except, perhaps, the home itself, and even then I'm not too certain about her wanting the house). I'm sick of looking at all this "stuff-junk," and I'm making provisions to get rid of the majority of it now. It will be less jink to continue cleaning up and moving around. I want to live a clutter free life.
When my birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas day rear their gorgeous heads, I tell my daughter that if she wants to give me a present or two, be a "practical giver." Give me a box of laundry detergent; lint rollers (I own a cat); vacuum cleaner bags; dish detergent; cleaning supplies; or a couple movie tickets, etc.,stuff I can use and utilize now. She's teaching her two young children (ages 7 & 9) these practices, too. So far, things are working out wonderfully. Her home is not cluttered.
My 86 yr old mother and I have been practicing "monthly gift exchange" for years, and we appreciate the small gestures. My mother is a smart woman who knows where her "stuff" is going and to whom. She's light-years ahead of the who-gets-what game, having planned accordingly. When my father passed in 2016, the funeral was paid for and everything was pretty much arranged.
Plan ahead. Don't be afraid to have the hard conversation.
When my birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas day rear their gorgeous heads, I tell my daughter that if she wants to give me a present or two, be a "practical giver." Give me a box of laundry detergent; lint rollers (I own a cat); vacuum cleaner bags; dish detergent; cleaning supplies; or a couple movie tickets, etc.,stuff I can use and utilize now. She's teaching her two young children (ages 7 & 9) these practices, too. So far, things are working out wonderfully. Her home is not cluttered.
My 86 yr old mother and I have been practicing "monthly gift exchange" for years, and we appreciate the small gestures. My mother is a smart woman who knows where her "stuff" is going and to whom. She's light-years ahead of the who-gets-what game, having planned accordingly. When my father passed in 2016, the funeral was paid for and everything was pretty much arranged.
Plan ahead. Don't be afraid to have the hard conversation.
10
And then there are parents of Millenials like my husband and I who have a garage and basement full of stuff that our kids want for us to store for them while they move from one place to another, against the day when they will "settle down" somewhere.
We ALL have too much stuff.
We ALL have too much stuff.
23
Now that I am closer to sixty than fifty, every time I see something I want, I think of two things: how many years will I actually use it; and will it just be clutter when I'm dead? These thoughts find me want less stuff than I did during most of my adult life.
40
My case is perhaps a little different from many of the readers who commented. My mother died when I was 22, a month before I graduated college. Within the following two years, I lost both of my paternal grandparents, who had lived nearby and been a constant part of my life. Ten years later, my maternal grandmother died. I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins although my father and his wife are both still alive. For the past 30 years, I've held onto (and moved multiple times) various sets of china, silverware, and glassware — different items belonging to my mother and my two grandmothers. Is it crazy? Perhaps. But the boxes aren't many and I'm pretty good at packing and unpacking. The other day as I helped my son gather items for his first college apartment, I held up a slightly dented aluminum colander and explained that it had been his grandmother's. I have plenty of photos of my mother and countless memories and stories to tell my children about the grandmother they never knew but somehow that colander means something more than a metal bowl with holes.
50
I have one of those aluminum colanders, and i treasure it. Thank goodness it is also functional, so it may pass muster with the next generation.
20
I'm 65 and I have and use my grandmother's aluminum colander (I can't find a new one that I like better) and her cast iron skillets and griddle.
3
Aluminum colanders make great helmets for Halloween costumes!
5
I gave my mom's China to a neighbor. I never liked the gold leaf edges and delicate floral print. My neighbor really likes it and may pass it along to her daughter one day . In turn, my neighbor taught my daughter how to sew and gave us her old sewing machine which still gets used by my daughter. I never learned how to sew. I sold my moms gold jewelry and donated it to the MS society, since that was the disease that she suffered from. There are many ways to get rid of stuff that would make mom proud.
8
Growing up in the 70s, every home in my neighborhood had a big hutch in the living room displaying a never used set of China and crystal. You almost thought they came with the house. I never thought about it until hearing an older co-worker talking about how her daughters were all getting married and this was the precise thing that none of them wanted as the couples all anticipated moving several times for their careers. This was in the 80s. It made me wonder why my parents' generation tied themselves down with so much useless junk. Of course, now my younger co-workers are amused that I still own books and cds.
35
Just do what I do when my mother insists on giving me something I do not want: smile, say thank you, and discreetly take it to Goodwill.
5
Oh, I am SO looking forward to this. We had a "big move" when I was in Jr. High - my Mother went into my room and THREW OUT boxes I hadn't unpacked yet - heirlooms from my Great Grandmother (on my Father's side, of course) and other items. Hey, anything to get rid of any semblance of the other side of the family that I was barely allowed to see - right?
Now she lives in a home which, after countless other moves, still is filled with boxes she hasn't unpacked, cupboards filled with pots & pans she never uses, and other things she "just can't throw away." Oh, I'm going to go through the house like a WHITE TORNADO, Mother. And I can't wait. And I'm taking that money and I'm going to have a GOOD TIME with it. Guaranteed. ~ F\42
Now she lives in a home which, after countless other moves, still is filled with boxes she hasn't unpacked, cupboards filled with pots & pans she never uses, and other things she "just can't throw away." Oh, I'm going to go through the house like a WHITE TORNADO, Mother. And I can't wait. And I'm taking that money and I'm going to have a GOOD TIME with it. Guaranteed. ~ F\42
8
When my mother was dying of cancer she made a list of what her daughters wanted after she died, and when she passed away we got it. Anything that was a gift and the giver was still alive went back to them (i.e. the cookoo clock her brother brought back from Germany after WWII went back to him). My dad was still left with a bunch of stuff which was given away after the daughters had first pick. No hard feelings.
5
It is frustrating to read a list of philosophical possible reasons for this phenomenon without seeing mention of the obvious, well-researched driver: that generation was the last to inherit a better standard of living than their parents had. Of course Marie Kondo is big now: nobody can afford the space to cram all that stuff anymore.
14
I am 65 and planning a move to Florida. I have discovered calling many tag sale companies they don't deal with apartments, especially co-ops. They only deal with homes. I really thought my mom's bedroom set would be a draw. It's not. One dealer offered me next to nothing. I'm afraid to use Craig''s List. If I don't get an offer soon, I will have to donate some really one-of-a-kind pieces.
18
In our area, "Next Door" (website and/or app) is a great way to either sell or donate items.
2
If you hire someone to help you clear out an estate, make sure that they are honest. Many of these people have a good knowledge of the market, and will spot the really valuable stuff. They have ways of getting their hands on it at a fraction of its value, and keeping the profits for themselves.
28
Honestly, very few used items in an ordinary person's home are valuable regardless of what the buyer paid for them.
11
@Honeybee - You might be surprised. Why do you think multiple dealers show up at estate sales at 6 AM? They know what they are looking for, and often the original purchaser paid little for the item. What is the value of a Marantz 7 tubed preamp, or an 19th-century hat mold, or a Hermes adding machine from the 60s? Somebody will recognize these items and buy them for very little.
4
Yes, what to do. Craigslist for free! Give it away.
36
Even the Bacarrat crystal still in our attic for 50 years? Don't know what to do with it. Never did.
4
If you can't find someone in your family who wants the crystal, or an antiques dealer who can sell it for you, why not sell it cheaply or give it to charity? If it's sitting in your attic rather than in your kitchen or living room, you obviously don't get any enjoyment out of it.
4
Our lives and expectations change, and "the conversation" has changed with time. We have a house full of Stuff acquired before the "significant shift in material culture", and the lives of our children have changed in unexpected ways, a death, a maturing with different style and focus, grandchildren who we are quite certain will never value the things we value. It is time to downsize, and, regretfully, add to the flotsam and jetsam that accumulates in thrift shops, "next to new" shops, antique malls, and, yes, landfills.
We are also recreational antique browsers, we go to shows and antique malls at home and when we travel. In every town and city we see rooms and buildings crammed full of glitter and glass and china and silver and linens and well made furniture that "the children" didn't want and no one else does either. It is entertaining to look at for a short while, but depressing when observed in its totality, because I know in my heart that no one is going to buy and cherish those lovely things that took so much time and effort to maintain in the past. Our time-is-money, consumer economy has moved on.
We are also recreational antique browsers, we go to shows and antique malls at home and when we travel. In every town and city we see rooms and buildings crammed full of glitter and glass and china and silver and linens and well made furniture that "the children" didn't want and no one else does either. It is entertaining to look at for a short while, but depressing when observed in its totality, because I know in my heart that no one is going to buy and cherish those lovely things that took so much time and effort to maintain in the past. Our time-is-money, consumer economy has moved on.
91
Someday the tide will turn and people will want the "old" again--I remember my parents in the '50's not wanting anything "antique" and by the time they died they had acquired a taste for old pieces and their daughter (me) was into shabby chic. Just wait until the decorators re-discover the Victorians, just as they did back in the '70's, and the young people today realize that mid-century modern furniture was extremely uncomfortable.
7
So well put. You capture the 'shift' and thus the dilemma perfectly.
Thank you.
Thank you.
3
My great-grandfather was a doctor of tropical medicine, and a fanatic collector of china, textiles, and other items. My grandmother preserved all of her collections until her death at 99, and my mother and uncle sold off most of it - many items turned out to be greatly valuable to people from former Communist or dictator-run Asian and African countries, where many luxury items were destroyed under anti-capitalist regimes.
Unfortunately, not all of the items our parents want to pass down to us are valuable antiques. I have some pretty, possibly slightly valuable teacups that my mother treasures because she remembers her grandmother serving tea. While I love hearing the stories, I will never use them and don't have the same sentimental attachment. When my mother passes away, I hope to find someone who will enjoy them - even if it's a young girl who wants to have tea parties with her dolls. (No daughters, unfortunately.)
Unfortunately, not all of the items our parents want to pass down to us are valuable antiques. I have some pretty, possibly slightly valuable teacups that my mother treasures because she remembers her grandmother serving tea. While I love hearing the stories, I will never use them and don't have the same sentimental attachment. When my mother passes away, I hope to find someone who will enjoy them - even if it's a young girl who wants to have tea parties with her dolls. (No daughters, unfortunately.)
3
I have not only edited my mother's home, but as an interior designer and a senior move manager with my own company, I/we have assisted over 1,400 seniors in the rightsizing process. We feel privileged in making this critical move as seamless as possible for our clients. Often we are able to incorporate many of the items that are cherished in the next home. Rarely do we suggest self storage as an option. We prefer to address the situation head-on so as not to leave a client with unfinished business. Our team of professionals offer the ability to sell no longer wanted treasures to vetted resources, making money for the client and taking stress off the family when family members have little interest. Being in this business for 20 years and creating trusted relationships has been a true gift!
37
Well, your stated goal of "not leaving a client with unfinished business" is not always in THEIR best interest. And your "preferences" should not be a part of the equation.
2
Very selly!!!
4
We are in our early 60's. 4 years ago we moved from a large house in Iowa to a smaller home in the mountains of Colorado, where we hope to live for the rest of our lives.We had accumulated lots of stuff over the preceding 30 plus years that would not go with the open design of our new mountain home.Our children didn't want any of our furnishings including several antique pieces over 125 years old that my wife got from her parents. So we decided to sell almost all of our furniture and many other furnishings through Craigslist over a 6 month period of time.It was a wonderful process of meeting new people who believed they had a need for each of our pieces-the kitchen table over which we shared meals, joys, and tears, an antique dining room table and sideboard etc. The sideboard ended up in a high end lingerie shop in Des Moines, Iowa draped with frilly French lingerie! In the end,our stuff was just stuff and we saw it as our responsibility to get rid of it and not stick our kids with the chore. So,we moved to the mountains free and clear of stuff of the past which got passed to others who have hopefully made good use of it. For the most part, our valued and treasured stuff or our parents stuff is largely worthless, more expensive to move than to discard. Stuff is not memories.You get to keep the latter when you get rid of the former.
290
While I agree that stuff itself is not memories, I know people who claim that the stuff represents or even sparks the memory, and abandoning these things diminishes the memoire that exists through things. That cuts off our conversation entirely when I bring up decluttering (we are over 65).
6
I should share this weird coincidence: I read your comment this morning, and remembered that my previous boss and his wife live in Des Moines, and also run a lingerie shop there. Just today he joined a group chat I'm in so I asked him, he confirmed and posted a picture of the sideboard. And yes I read this from my home in the land of frilly lingerie.
25
Facing that situation myself, I look around to see what my children would want from a lifetime of accumulating stuff. And the answer is: photographs, mostly.
I recommend this following method for getting in the correct frame of mind. Imagine you have to evacuate your home due to some natural disaster, and you have one hour to collect all you hold dear and irreplaceable, ( other than what you need to sustain life) . Those objects are the most likely to be kept after you are deceased. The furniture, china, paintings etc...washed away in the flood, so to speak,
I recommend this following method for getting in the correct frame of mind. Imagine you have to evacuate your home due to some natural disaster, and you have one hour to collect all you hold dear and irreplaceable, ( other than what you need to sustain life) . Those objects are the most likely to be kept after you are deceased. The furniture, china, paintings etc...washed away in the flood, so to speak,
69
Bad memories of when Mom died.
The dining room furniture - a big sideboard, a bigger china cabinet, a gigantic table and 10 Queen Anne chairs - even if you had room who would want it? And no one wanted the silver, the crystal, the china, or the minks. Dad was furious with us! I finally took a mink just to appease him - which has been hanging in a zippered storage bag for 16 years.
The dining room furniture - a big sideboard, a bigger china cabinet, a gigantic table and 10 Queen Anne chairs - even if you had room who would want it? And no one wanted the silver, the crystal, the china, or the minks. Dad was furious with us! I finally took a mink just to appease him - which has been hanging in a zippered storage bag for 16 years.
91
A neighbor and friend used her deceased mother's mink coat as a (winter) bed in her screened porch for the feral female cat who "adopted" her and her husband as caretakers. I heard that the cat, Mimi, liked the coat very much, and it kept her quite warm (until the husband built her her own heated cat-size shelter). Many animal shelters & wildlife rehabilitation shelters are happy to accept unwanted fur coats for use with abandoned kittens, puppies, and wildlife babies.
14
That's what I notice: where would any of this stuff go in most homes?
4
Brer Rabbit; when you decide to open the zippered storage bag suggest you do it outdoors.
8
Hoarding is not an easy problem to solve, unfortunately.
36
I am 62 years old, and an only child. After my Dad passed away and my Mom moved in with us, we had to clear their house to sell it. My Dad's "hobby" was garage sales. They had at least 3-4 of each type of small appliance you could have in your house "just in case" something they had broke down. That's 3-4 coffee makers, humidifiers, vacuum cleaners, plus the originals. Plus the full basement was furnished, and the walls covered in what I'd call "hotel" art.
My married son who lives out of town claimed all her china and cooking/bakeware, as she used to own a catering company and had an awful lot. He essentially furnished his kitchen with all this. Mom moved in with us and we brought with her the personal gifts we'd given her over time, plus her clothing.
My husband and I still work full time and are too old to be bothered with garage or estate sales, so the easiest option for us was to call 1-800-got-junk. They sent 5 guys who cleared the 6 rooms, plus the fully furnished basement (broken freezer and tall metal office cabinet included) in 6 hours, and took it all away for $1200. The first truck had the nicer furniture items and went to Salvation Army or Habitat for Humanity. The next truck was metal items and went to a metal reseller. The remaining loads I'm sure went to scrap heaps.
I have two children and going through this exercise has made us aware we need to be vigilant in our lives, in what we leave behind. A garage sale is planned for next month, with more coming.
My married son who lives out of town claimed all her china and cooking/bakeware, as she used to own a catering company and had an awful lot. He essentially furnished his kitchen with all this. Mom moved in with us and we brought with her the personal gifts we'd given her over time, plus her clothing.
My husband and I still work full time and are too old to be bothered with garage or estate sales, so the easiest option for us was to call 1-800-got-junk. They sent 5 guys who cleared the 6 rooms, plus the fully furnished basement (broken freezer and tall metal office cabinet included) in 6 hours, and took it all away for $1200. The first truck had the nicer furniture items and went to Salvation Army or Habitat for Humanity. The next truck was metal items and went to a metal reseller. The remaining loads I'm sure went to scrap heaps.
I have two children and going through this exercise has made us aware we need to be vigilant in our lives, in what we leave behind. A garage sale is planned for next month, with more coming.
80
Cleaning out the household of two grandparents, who would easily be diagnosed as hoarders these days, made all of us in my family aware of how much stuff is worthless and useless. In the months and years following that experience, I can personally say that many trips to Goodwill and the dump were made. Going forward, I've been much more willing to "invest" in buy-once durable goods (pots & pans, etc.) and skip buying a lot of knick-nack junk that's just going to cause trouble for someone to get rid of down the road.
7
Why on earth do you have to tell your parents what you're going to do with something after they're gone? I don't give my children something now if I know they don't want it, but once I'm dead, I presumably won't know if they decide to get rid of my mom's wedding dress. I'm extremely sentimental about heirlooms, and my kids aren't. I assume they'll get rid of things I would want to keep, but there's no reason for me to know their specific plans. Ms. Beauregard doesn't have to keep the Lenox dinnerware, but why does she have to "break it to her mother" that she's going to get rid of it? What will that accomplish except for causing her mother pain?
229
Not wanting to lie? Or have to produce the china when Thanksgiving rolls around?
7
I just took some of my mom's china and she had problems selling it because it wasn't dishwasher or microwave safe. I don't have either of those appliances but I have a space issue in my small apartment. I felt bad that I wasn't able to take more since she had saved up to be able to purchase the set and it meant a lot to her.
41
Why would you have to tell a parent I am not going to keep and cherish your yhings?
Why? What is the gain?
Other than drama
Why? What is the gain?
Other than drama
199
The gain is being honest with them. Honesty is worth more than objects. Things gain value because of the experiences which occurred while they were there - inherited things become a tradition. But they are not relationships, ever.
5
Why? Because they are still alive, and have taken what they want to the retirement center, and will see what you have in your house, and will know what disappeared into the aether. Better to talk it out up front than to have the "drama" later!
Also know as, "It is the polite thing to do; these are the people who bore you and raised you."
Also know as, "It is the polite thing to do; these are the people who bore you and raised you."
8
After 14 moves we have thinned out considerably. As things that don't fit in our new home we give away to family friends and co workers. What ever else gets donated to different organizations. Lately I have spent time going through pictures and sending them to our daughters allowing them to do what they want with them. I have things from my grandmother and mother that I have either kept or passed on already. I can remember my mother months before she passed her complaining that her stuff will probably just thrown away after years telling her to get rid of much nobody wanted or giving away her special things to her grandchildren before she did. Which she started doing. It so sad to watch much of the personal things just thrown away because nobody had room for it. I have lived in two retirement communities already and heard it all the time their children don't want their stuff or garages full of their things even when it is falling apart.
I remember when we were moving and the packers were packing and one said to me when she was packing up my dining room when was the last time I used some of these things. Needless to say after we had moved in we had a couple garage sales. To get rid of things like wedding present we haven't used in years. You have to keep thinning.
I remember when we were moving and the packers were packing and one said to me when she was packing up my dining room when was the last time I used some of these things. Needless to say after we had moved in we had a couple garage sales. To get rid of things like wedding present we haven't used in years. You have to keep thinning.
36
A dear friend made the wise decision to start giving away to friends and family members, pieces of her collections ( jewelry, Art, china) many years before she died. She often gave them as birthday or Christmas gifts. And, she gave each niece & nephew a place setting from her China. They loved it. Even owning just one place setting pleased them enormously. They told her that anytime they used it, they remembered special occasion meals at my friend's home.
99
"The competitive accumulation of material goods, a cornerstone of the American dream" pretty much sums up what led America to its current messy state.
55
People should realize how little value their stuff has to the next generation and donate it to charity or sell it early on. I recently went to the auction of the New Hampshire estate of a wealthy judge and his wife who loved fine household goods and also collected many things. Their children didn't want any of it and it went at public auction. A mahogany Chippendale-style dining room set with 6 chairs went for $5. Large collections of pottery and china did little better. One of the pricier items was a Steinway spinet piano -- it sold for $350.
So get rid of your stuff before you die or this is what will happen afterwards. (And if you're looking for cheap furniture, go to estate sales!)
So get rid of your stuff before you die or this is what will happen afterwards. (And if you're looking for cheap furniture, go to estate sales!)
84
Heavy furniture is a problem, as the cost of moving it is so high.
However, if you happen to have just the right items that collectors currently want, it will sell for a very high price indeed, if you know how to market it.
However, if you happen to have just the right items that collectors currently want, it will sell for a very high price indeed, if you know how to market it.
5
The other problem is that those big mahogany sets are mostly out of style for the time being. As with all things, I expect that tastes will change and we'll circle back around again.
6
We're downsizing now, and both children have very small apartments with no room for the items think they may want (eventually?). I've decided to put emotions aside, take some photos of these items, share them with my children and ask if they are interested in them. If so, they will need to somehow figure out where to keep/store them, as we will no longer have the room.
I've spent hours scanning old photos, so those old bulky albums are gone, and will now photograph the children's drawings, greeting cards, etc., so we'll always have the opportunity to at least look at, if not physically hold, these mementos.
I've spent hours scanning old photos, so those old bulky albums are gone, and will now photograph the children's drawings, greeting cards, etc., so we'll always have the opportunity to at least look at, if not physically hold, these mementos.
28
My elderly oarents still live in the house they built nearly 60 years ago. It is filled with great furniture that my dad built. Unfortunately neither my brother or me or our children have much use for these pieces as we long ago filled our houses with our own stuff. The only thing I wanted was a,ready handed to me by my mom--a 300 piece Santa Claus collection featuring Santas from around the world. From the experience of cleaning out my in-laws'house, it is clear all the great things my parents spent a lifetime collecting will generate ten cents on the dollar. Except for those pieces no will even take for free.
22
When my mom died, my dad gave a lot of her belongings, plus the things he didn't need, when he downsized. When my dad died, my brother and I did the same. The idea of selling their "stuff" never entered our minds.
With so many people in need, it is shocking and saddening to me that the emphasis is on sales, not donations.
With so many people in need, it is shocking and saddening to me that the emphasis is on sales, not donations.
64
Brava! Again, people, think of the poor in your own communities. Think of the refugees. Call Catholic Charities. Call the nearest refugee resettlement agency.
As for the author's snippy & inaccurate generalization about keeping up with the Joneses, I call Horsepucky. Those people were raised during the Depression; they suffered in ways we can never know. How dare this author whom I guess to be aged around 40-45? DARE to judge those people. They scrimped & saved for every piece of China, silver or silver.
Every.
You want out of control materialism? Look at the Times' Vows section: $20K dresses, $100K receptions, $50K honeymoons, lavish engagement parties put on by professional event planners.
Spare us the hypocrisy, please. And remember YOU will be in your parents' situation, 20-25 years down the road. No one is young or chic forever.
As for the author's snippy & inaccurate generalization about keeping up with the Joneses, I call Horsepucky. Those people were raised during the Depression; they suffered in ways we can never know. How dare this author whom I guess to be aged around 40-45? DARE to judge those people. They scrimped & saved for every piece of China, silver or silver.
Every.
You want out of control materialism? Look at the Times' Vows section: $20K dresses, $100K receptions, $50K honeymoons, lavish engagement parties put on by professional event planners.
Spare us the hypocrisy, please. And remember YOU will be in your parents' situation, 20-25 years down the road. No one is young or chic forever.
33
My mom has what I call her "store" in their basement. Shelving units constructed to hold her hoards of crystal and lamps and vases and picture frames and seasonal decor and all of my childhood toys. I joke with her that my brother and I are going to have one big estate sale someday, because neither of us will have room for all that she has saved. For her, I've noticed that handed-down items are very connected to the person it came from--whom she probably misses. So using the item--or even just picking it up while walking through her basement store--is a way to connect with the person it came from. I think not only does my generation (I'm 33) is more interested in capturing memories with people through photos, storytelling, video, and experiences--like making treasured family recipes or wearing a piece of jewelry that belonged to someone we love. It may be regional, but in the Midwest, I don't see many my age trying to keep up with the Joneses or show off their wealth by accumulating vast amounts of STUFF. In fact, I'm a monthly Goodwiller. I donate every month just to clear my clutter because it drives me nuts and I know others my age who do the same. It's just a different mentality. It's not that we don't care about memories or treasured items from generations past--we just connect with those memories differently. (In a simpler, less-cluttered, no-storage-unit-required kind of way). :)
78
When my parents downsized and moved to Florida, my brother and I took things that mattered to us. I got the Woman's Day Encyclopedia of Cooking, circa 1966, and my brother got the unbroken Corningware dishes that they received as wedding gifts. We still use both the cookbooks and the Corningware!
There were some things from my grandmother's house that I would have liked, but sadly I lived out of state and missed the "Who wants this?" gathering after she passed. I do have some of her cookie cutters, and her recipe for sugar cookies. Sometimes it is things like that--recipes and stories--that keep the memories alive more than furniture or lamps.
There were some things from my grandmother's house that I would have liked, but sadly I lived out of state and missed the "Who wants this?" gathering after she passed. I do have some of her cookie cutters, and her recipe for sugar cookies. Sometimes it is things like that--recipes and stories--that keep the memories alive more than furniture or lamps.
57
Both of my parents and my husband's mother died within a 2 year period, so we rather abruptly found ourselves in possession of lots of family heirlooms, antiques, art and souvenirs from their travels all over the world. Dad was an amateur nature photographer who left tens of thousands of slides of birds, butterflies and flowers. He also had a collection of tens of thousands of butterflies, neatly labeled and mounted. These items were donated to a natural history museum. Mom left over 100 brass rubbings she made in England; I haven't figured out what to do with them yet.
I am scanning family photos and letters and will eventually get rid of many of the originals. Other items my daughters don't want I will photograph, then sell or donate. It's a big project, which I never could have accomplished before I retired.
I am scanning family photos and letters and will eventually get rid of many of the originals. Other items my daughters don't want I will photograph, then sell or donate. It's a big project, which I never could have accomplished before I retired.
17
I find it sickening to read about all this affluenza and constructed quandary. Another whiner crisis invented by Baby Boomers. When there are families who are homeless and have very little or nothing. Get your act together people and start giving away everything way before it becomes a "crisis." That set of Lennox china would be most gratefully appreciated and cared for by a refugee/immigrant family. Or, nail invitations to telephone poles and on Craigslist - "come get free stuff."
138
Amen
I absolutely agree. Many homes could furnish an entire home with the extra stuff in their home and not even feel it
7
Oh please stop with the self righteousness. People collect stuff and love their stuff. And not unnaturally, are sad that others won't necessarily care as much. This is just the way most people feel. It doesn't mean they're selfish or unkind. So I suggest a little respect is in order.
If this makes you puke, then life in general must be quite hard to tolerate.
If this makes you puke, then life in general must be quite hard to tolerate.
14
I am 69, have two adult sons, and am downsizing now. I've given a lot of things away to younger friends and the adult children of friends, who really wanted the things I had to offer. Like my hand-painted Shabbat set which I got in Israel 50 years ago when to a Jewish middle-aged friend and his wife for a wedding gift (my family is not Jewish), and they were thrilled to have it -- no one else gave them one. And my deceased daughter's sterling silver Rosary went to a peer who is a devout Catholic and whose devout-Catholic daughter wants it when she passes on. My antique dining room set went to a Muslim family who loves it. I have loved giving my 'stuff' away now, while I can still do it. Makes me feel so good.
140
Not to diminish the fact that this is very hard on many families and the cause for much grief and bitterness--I hope that it's a sign of reduced accumulation of STUFF by future generations. Or said more positively, a sign of more conscious consumption.
50
Just use the china and silver--for everyday use. It doesn't need to sit in a closet.
164
Yes yes!! Use the "good dishes every day"" it even makes the food taste better! I have used several old porcelain sets from the 1930's They did eventually lose some of their designs so then I tossed them! Use the crystal! Sell the sterling on Ebay and donate everything else!!
3
My mother is 80 and STILL won't use her wedding china (she was married when Kennedy was in office). It drives me insane; I think she is waiting for the Pope to come for dinner or something.
16
I agree. I use china and glasses from my great aunt, silver from my grandmother all the time. My family and guests seem to like it and I don't fret over it getting chipped or broken - heck, it is getting used and I LOVE that. Also, I really detest when we go somewhere for dinner and they whip out the paper plates and plastic. Really?! This seems wasteful and foolish - why not party with the "good stuff" and enjoy its history.
12
I am 55 years old. My mother is 75 and my son is 31. So, we have three different generations of perspectives on all this stuff. My grandmother lived with me for the last 12 years of her life, so what's left of her stuff is currently residing in my home. I've donated some and we divided up the jewelry (all costume, but sentimental) very equitably between us. She passed in 2012 and I am still (still!) purging boxes and boxes of paperwork. For example, she had all of her phone bills going back to the 1960's! You can't just burn all these boxes of paperwork because you never know what's in them. Mixed in with old utility bills are death certificates and mass cards, photos, you name it. It's time consuming and emotionally trying. From my perspective, the biggest favor anybody can do for their heirs would be to go thru their paperwork and note the documents and photos that are pertinent to family history and get rid of the rest!
I've had "the talk" with my son and he's making it both easier for me and more difficult. He wants nothing. The millennials don't seem to care at all about possessions, even family heirlooms. While there are pieces that I hope he will keep in the family, I am fairly certain that it's all going to end up in a Dumpster somewhere, and that makes me sad. Yet, I also don't want to burden him with a bunch of unwanted (from his perspective) junk. This is an emotionally fraught issue and I don't there are no easy answers.
I've had "the talk" with my son and he's making it both easier for me and more difficult. He wants nothing. The millennials don't seem to care at all about possessions, even family heirlooms. While there are pieces that I hope he will keep in the family, I am fairly certain that it's all going to end up in a Dumpster somewhere, and that makes me sad. Yet, I also don't want to burden him with a bunch of unwanted (from his perspective) junk. This is an emotionally fraught issue and I don't there are no easy answers.
143
I'm like that too, but everything is sorted and labelled. The bundle labelled 'CC 1989' contains only credit card bills from 1989. All the credit card bills from 1970 on are in one box in chronological order - otherwise, they'd be of no use.
2
Trixie, I feel your pain! Over the past 10 years as my step-mother moved from house to apartment to nursing home to heaven, my sister and I spent many hours digging through papers, crumbling, dusty disintegrating papers which ranged from a paper receipt for a toaster bought in 1965 ("You never know when you might need to know what it cost!") to actual stock certificates. We had to examine each piece to be sure it could be thrown out. And then there were the boxes of items from her deceased sisters that we didn't want and the surviving sisters didn't want but still couldn't bear giving away or discarding. And the three humidifiers and multiple vacuum cleaners.
This experience has changed my sister's and my lives. We have been culling possessions ever since and it continues.
This experience has changed my sister's and my lives. We have been culling possessions ever since and it continues.
10
Getting rid of the paperwork is a very good idea. I have been a good filer, so the equivalent of those phone bills don't have death certificates mixed in.
I had to sort through my mother's, who died unexpectedly when I was young, and that was too confusing. I just kept most of it for years and then finally got rid of it all.
I had to sort through my mother's, who died unexpectedly when I was young, and that was too confusing. I just kept most of it for years and then finally got rid of it all.
7
The next big surprise for your mom and dad will be at their estate/moving sale. The selling prices will be much, much lower than they would expect.
Some of your dad's old tools will sell and your mom's mid century modern furniture will sell. After that, everything sells for a very small percentage of it's cost. My mom had a solid cherry handcrafted tea cart from Harden and it got no interest. We donated it to the consignment shop for our local hospice.
Some of your dad's old tools will sell and your mom's mid century modern furniture will sell. After that, everything sells for a very small percentage of it's cost. My mom had a solid cherry handcrafted tea cart from Harden and it got no interest. We donated it to the consignment shop for our local hospice.
26
What to do with the Lenox?
9
Use it. Everyday. Put it in the dishwasher. As pieces get broken or worn out, throw them away.
10
I have too much stuff that's too good to chuck. I bought "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up." It was written by a young woman in her 20's who says to throw out all of your photographs! (I know, I never look at them and they are taking up tons of space) She also says to hold and object in your hand and ask if it brings you joy. If it doesn't, get rid of it. I went to lend her book to a friend, couldn't find it and realized that, while holding it in my hand
I realized it was not bringing me any joy and you know the rest.
I realized it was not bringing me any joy and you know the rest.
186
70s furniture is one thing, but don't overdo it. I was very upset when my aunt told me she had thrown out the photo albums my grandfather brought from Japan just after WWI, on the rationale that she didn't read Japanese and didn't know the people. Fortunately they reappeared after she passed away, and I treasure them. Old letters, too, may allow reconstructing family history, and foreign languages can be translated.
51
Same thing happened to me.
I told my Mom I only had a studio apartment, and besides, I already had everything I needed.
So she sent me a giant picture of her and my Dad on their wedding day. They have been divorced for 40 years.
I told my Mom I only had a studio apartment, and besides, I already had everything I needed.
So she sent me a giant picture of her and my Dad on their wedding day. They have been divorced for 40 years.
84
This is the best short story I've read this year. Omg, hahaha.
10
Serves you right! Good for Mom.
7
Make provisions for your pets! Including cash bequests to help with the costs of possibly elderly animals, like vets and medications and food.
Heirlooms and gifts and even furniture that aren't wanted by the next generations might find homes through Etsy and Ebay and other online sites. I'm always seeing collectors looking for a missing piece of crockery, fine china, or silver.
I've seen a recent spate of downsizers selling things through the neighborhood network called Next Door. Your neighbors have similar homes; they may have similar taste.
Heirlooms and gifts and even furniture that aren't wanted by the next generations might find homes through Etsy and Ebay and other online sites. I'm always seeing collectors looking for a missing piece of crockery, fine china, or silver.
I've seen a recent spate of downsizers selling things through the neighborhood network called Next Door. Your neighbors have similar homes; they may have similar taste.
26
As a professional art appraiser, I do see this all the time BUT estate liquidators MUST be vetted and the fact that they sell what they come in to "help" you with, sets up a major conflict of interest.
Often times these estate liquidators miss possibly very valuable items because things like art and antiques are just not their area of expertise. They do miss very costly things!
This older generation should please do a better job of explaining why they have the things that they do. The generation after that should not be so quick to just dismiss all that their parents and grandparents own AND give their kids a lesson in history and family history as told through the things previous generations collected.
PS Older furniture will hold up A LOT better than particle board - so get creative! and save resources!
Often times these estate liquidators miss possibly very valuable items because things like art and antiques are just not their area of expertise. They do miss very costly things!
This older generation should please do a better job of explaining why they have the things that they do. The generation after that should not be so quick to just dismiss all that their parents and grandparents own AND give their kids a lesson in history and family history as told through the things previous generations collected.
PS Older furniture will hold up A LOT better than particle board - so get creative! and save resources!
86
They know little about anything. They would not recognize a jazz record worth thousands of dollars, or a vintage tubed preamp that would be snapped up by a Japanese collector. I've seen this sort of stuff given away at estate sales.
As for art, my father bought a good Frank Heath landscape for $75 in the early 90s at a tag sale. It's worth about $2000.
As for art, my father bought a good Frank Heath landscape for $75 in the early 90s at a tag sale. It's worth about $2000.
16
"PS Older furniture will hold up A LOT better than particle board - so get creative! and save resources!" Exactly this! I've been given not just one - but two sets of tables and chairs. Ugly orange-tint oak sets from my childhood. However purchasing a sander and paint spray machine (for restaining) and many YouTube tutorials are a lot less expensive than buying a new set... that will probably wear out in 10 years (the oak should last forever). Not to mention, no offgassing from the cheap materials. Save stuff from landfill.
Now I'm kind of excited by the old dated hutch and end tables coming my way and what color they may end up. Even more excited the bottom of the drawers won't warp and fall out in a couple years, and saving items from landfill and my lungs from offgas.
Now I'm kind of excited by the old dated hutch and end tables coming my way and what color they may end up. Even more excited the bottom of the drawers won't warp and fall out in a couple years, and saving items from landfill and my lungs from offgas.
6
I have inherited a ton of China and crystal. Instead of keeping it for big occasions I use it on a daily base mismatching it. I put them in the dishwasher and if they fade or get too tarnished I throw them away - it actually takes a long time. It's nice to drink from a cup of fine china once you stop worrying about breaking it.
278
I've told my 25 year old daughter that you can never have too many platters (or decanters). I'm an estate sale hound and never spent more than $10 on them plus many other finds including the holy grail of $3 for a #12 griswold cast iron skillet.
2
Many of us younger Boomers who are looking to retire and downsize already have inherited multiple generations worth of stuff as our parents and grandparents have died or downsized (Greatest Generation, Silents, and WWI/Depression). I'm heading into retirement with two 1900’s sets of Haviland (from each set of great-gmas), my grandmother's Spode she bought in the U.K., my great aunt's Lenox, my mother's 1950’s Noritake and 60’s Royal Worcester. Knowing what was coming, I didn't register for china in 1980’s when we married. My girls don't want it. I use it as I can, but the Haviland is way too delicate to use.
As an only child of two only children, it is truly overwhelming.
PS. I'm a probate lawyer. In 25 years, I've seen more arguments over Tupperware, jewelry and guns, than I have over money. Money's easy to divide (assuming there's no fraud or malfeasance), but the "stuff" is what triggers the sibling dysfunction, for sure. Add in siblings-in-law, and bring popcorn for the show.
As an only child of two only children, it is truly overwhelming.
PS. I'm a probate lawyer. In 25 years, I've seen more arguments over Tupperware, jewelry and guns, than I have over money. Money's easy to divide (assuming there's no fraud or malfeasance), but the "stuff" is what triggers the sibling dysfunction, for sure. Add in siblings-in-law, and bring popcorn for the show.
118
I don't have quite as much china as you do - but being an only child of an only daughter, I have my mom's wedding china, my great-grandma's wedding china, and a set of "pink azalea" china that my grandma and great-aunt accumulated with coupons and gave to my mom. I also have two sets of silver. Do I use any of it? Noooo! I've used the good dishes once or twice for Thanksgiving, but that's it. My GenX generation doesn't entertain as formally as they did in Betty Draper's era. We're more about the potlucks and paper plates.
So I have all this stuff I don't use, and I have no children, nieces, or nephews, so who knows what will happen to all my nice stuff! I know I can't take it with me!
So I have all this stuff I don't use, and I have no children, nieces, or nephews, so who knows what will happen to all my nice stuff! I know I can't take it with me!
8
Here's why Boomers have so much stuff in the basement. It is multi-generational, we inherited just a taste of the Depression save-everything mentality from our parents, and who has time to go through it all. And let's not forget the stuff our adult kids stored in the basement and then later said, "Oh, you can just get rid of it." That's down there too...
6
As an only child myself, of an only child, of an only child, I had to dig through three generations of stuff from my mother's side of the family when my parents died. Dad didn't have very much--it was all Mom's.
I was grateful for the first time of my only child situation, as there were no fights. Most of it has already been sorted and disposed of some years ago, but now that we are downsizing ourselves before we retire, I need to go through the stuff in storage.
It gets so much easier, the more you do it. If something has spent 50 years in an attic or closet, unless you love it, it goes--all you have is the memory of the closet door, anyway. If it is useful, donate it. If it is old towels, donate it to a pet shelter. You can take a deduction on April 15.
If it is a decorative, high status item from before the flood, consign it and know that someone will get something nice very cheaply, which will make their day.
If it is a pair of old dentures or extracted teeth in the bottom of a drawer . . . laugh your head off!
I was grateful for the first time of my only child situation, as there were no fights. Most of it has already been sorted and disposed of some years ago, but now that we are downsizing ourselves before we retire, I need to go through the stuff in storage.
It gets so much easier, the more you do it. If something has spent 50 years in an attic or closet, unless you love it, it goes--all you have is the memory of the closet door, anyway. If it is useful, donate it. If it is old towels, donate it to a pet shelter. You can take a deduction on April 15.
If it is a decorative, high status item from before the flood, consign it and know that someone will get something nice very cheaply, which will make their day.
If it is a pair of old dentures or extracted teeth in the bottom of a drawer . . . laugh your head off!
6
My generation used to scrimp and resourcefully use everything (although I got tired of board-and-cinderblock bookcases years after college). My 20-something children prefer to have kits from Ikea rather than cast-offs I put aside thinking they would be a helpful bridge when setting up a new place. For instance, the small wood dining table their grandparents bought from a restaurant that was closing when THEY were starting out I gave away decades later via Freecycle. Maybe new, inexpensive furniture is just relatively more affordable now than it once was.
16
As one nears retirement age it is a great time to stop acquiring unnecessary stuff and instead cherish more time with family and friends. Instead of a birthday gift ask your partner/spouse/adult children to spend quality time with you; it is so much more rewarding then another present. Ask your friends to give you only perishable/consumable gifts. Read only downloadable/library books. When the time comes to move on to the next stage of life there will be considerably less junk to dispose of. Good for the next generation and for the landfills.
31
I am moving after 28 years in one house and trying to sell lot of collectibles, office furniture and household items but not getting enough inquiry. Some of my items are very expansive and would love to know of the auction houses who are willing to take all or buy all. My 3 car garages are full of brand name collectible, frames pictures, Kinkade pictures. Would love to have a one large auction of just my items alone if some has an idea, please contact me immediately.
I need help badly.
I need help badly.
7
Hummels anyone? Lennox china? Boxloads of other objet d'arts? Yours for the taking!
21
I've seen several articles about this trend recently, and all overlook one additional aspect: Gen X-ers and older millenials are also contending with as many as four households of parental belongings, if a young couple are both children of divorce. it brings an added layer of "do you like their things more than mine" into the mix, which makes us want to curl into a ball and plead "no room for any of it, at all."
33
My family has the opposite problem! My late parents had modern taste in the 1960s, and as soon as they could afford good furniture, they bought Scandinavian pieces. Their mid-century couches and dining room set are as sturdy and beautiful today as they were 40-50 years ago and their heirs adore them! Happily, we are not fighting over it all.
39
Before my mom and dad downsized, they held weekly weekend garage sales. I was amazed at the stuff my dad sold. Even my old prom dresses! My brother and I did not want too much, and when they died we kept only a few things and gave away the rest.
I will say that as a hospice nurse, I have witnessed fights breaking out between siblings and other family members over seemingly trivial things and the patient in the home had not even died yet. I swear that contesting a will or a soon to be deceased family member's wishes are the final battle ground for dysfunctional families. It happens more than one would expect. The best thing to do is to give away treasures while you are very much alive as gifts. If the recipient chooses to re-gift or donate it, so be it. It is the meaning of the gift, not the gift itself. A lot of people who grieve are now saddled with guilt at giving away the memories of their parent or other. And pets need to be considered----so many go to shelters after a death. It is sad to see an elderly dog or cat or bird end up that way.
I will say that as a hospice nurse, I have witnessed fights breaking out between siblings and other family members over seemingly trivial things and the patient in the home had not even died yet. I swear that contesting a will or a soon to be deceased family member's wishes are the final battle ground for dysfunctional families. It happens more than one would expect. The best thing to do is to give away treasures while you are very much alive as gifts. If the recipient chooses to re-gift or donate it, so be it. It is the meaning of the gift, not the gift itself. A lot of people who grieve are now saddled with guilt at giving away the memories of their parent or other. And pets need to be considered----so many go to shelters after a death. It is sad to see an elderly dog or cat or bird end up that way.
187
Think about recently arrived refugee immigrants too, please.
Yes it is so sad to see fights break out among siblings over these issues.
Btw, my mother kept two prom dresses and a graduation formal for about 20 years after I left home.
️Sigh, emotions!
Yes it is so sad to see fights break out among siblings over these issues.
Btw, my mother kept two prom dresses and a graduation formal for about 20 years after I left home.
️Sigh, emotions!
24
When my stepmother, who was 12 years younger than my Dad passed away unexpectedly, I had all the grandchildren tag the books and art they wanted with sticky buttons, then leave them. The mother in law of one of my stepsisters very graciously organized the piles after my Dad passed. It gave my Dad the comfort of having them till he died, and let things be organized afterwards.
One of the most inspired ideas I had in that stage of sadness.
One of the most inspired ideas I had in that stage of sadness.
31
Would anyone want some Slovakian crystal. I have a ton that my mother's relatives kept sending her over the yeas. Beautiful, but........
20
yes!! I would love vase, bowls and platters. my husband will be coming thru PA in mid sept......
send photos to kyackgal@ yahoo.com
send photos to kyackgal@ yahoo.com
4
I have my own inherited crystal which has not been used in the 38 years since I got it. A major earthquake on the Hayward Fault could solve a lot of problems of this sort.
21
start using it everyday. enjoy it now.
1
Seniors who are forced to downsize can also consider consigning property to an auction house. There are hundreds of fine auction houses that specialize in every thing from the typical 'silver and china' heirlooms to the increasingly popular Mid-Century Modern designs that hipper grandparents (like mine!) filled their home with. It's a profitable way to ensure that your beloved property continues to be loved - even if your children or grandchildren don't have the space or desire to keep it.
30
What an incredibly sad story. I have very few things of my parents, use them every day and wish I had more. Yes, I'm saving the full set of good Rosenthal china for my granddaughter.
What's wrong with donating directly to the charities that support our new refugee immigrants? They come here with nothing and need to furnish their apartments here.
What's wrong with donating directly to the charities that support our new refugee immigrants? They come here with nothing and need to furnish their apartments here.
240
Yikes, 50 responses; that's a first. To the person who commented about Mid-Century Modern furniture, my son recently expressed a hearty Yes to my asking, does he want the Lane SOLID walnut coffee table & end tables, with another lovely wood inlaid.
Early- mid 1970s -- looked on E-Bay -- they are worth significant dollars. What a shock.
Good luck to all tussling with this potentially thorny issue.
Early- mid 1970s -- looked on E-Bay -- they are worth significant dollars. What a shock.
Good luck to all tussling with this potentially thorny issue.
16
One way to preserve everything for family history is to photograph it all. This could include photos of whoe rooms as well as individual objects. I wish I had done this with my parents stuff.
25
Yes! That's exactly what we did. When our firstborn went off to college we could see the handwriting on the wall and downsized. We gave furniture and even our wedding china (which I didn't like and hardly used) to the International Rescue Committee here. I was later told that the grandmother of this immigrant family broke down and sobbed when she saw the china.
12
Now I'm 70, and our giant home for the past 35 years is filled to the rafters with monumental stuff.
Husband and I are now determinedly in the process of shredding old documents, photographs, letters, etc., ending decades of our inertia so as to build momentum toward shedding the biggest stuff, including the house itself!
Looking forward to the day when a flight bag is more than enough space for all necessary possessions at our lives' end, such as our ashes!