Ms. Porizkova made millions purely from her good looks and was lionized socially because she made millions purely from her good looks.
Well, OK, no crime, marketing makes the world go 'round, and her description of national differences is interesting, but how is her experience at all useful for others without her extraordinary, random luck?
Well, OK, no crime, marketing makes the world go 'round, and her description of national differences is interesting, but how is her experience at all useful for others without her extraordinary, random luck?
127
Recently watched Danish series "Rita" on Netflex. Main character a school teacher (would be labeled a sex addict here but maybe not there, just annoyingly randy) so many plots centered in her school. Of course one can't take a TV show as a completely accurate representation of a culture but I was intrigued by episodes that included sex ed classes, pregnancy/abortion, first loves of the teenage characters, and gay sex. The children were guided to be thoughtful and mature. And it seemed like the adults, the parents, teachers and school counselors, were concerned if a child did NOT exhibit appropriate sexual activity as they matured. Much like we would be concerned if a young girl was late beginning her menstrual cycle. Amazing. And Paulina's description of the relationships between girls and boys was spot on. How did they manage it? Pagan polytheism, medieval Catholic indoctrination and witch hunts, Protestant prudery. And still they ended up with this pragmatic society. How did it happen there and not elsewhere in Europe?
190
Great article. Thanks.
132
Extrememly Insightful.
127
A wonderfully important column, I am grateful.
114
Your command of English, your mastery of over the language has impressed me so much that I am headed to buy a copy of your book.
You were able to write a short autobiography, compare cultural nuances, and claim your rightful place all in less than a thousand words.
I am going to buy your book to sharpen my writing skills, and to learn how to focus when bringing multitude of different events together in a coherent way to tell a compelling story.
Beautiful writing!
You were able to write a short autobiography, compare cultural nuances, and claim your rightful place all in less than a thousand words.
I am going to buy your book to sharpen my writing skills, and to learn how to focus when bringing multitude of different events together in a coherent way to tell a compelling story.
Beautiful writing!
192
I find many of these comments fascinating; evidence of how far we have to go as women. I welcome all voices and ideas, I have no interest in silencing a point of view. However, if Ms. Porizkova were black, and this column was about racism, (or if she were gay and this column was about LGBT rights), the comments would be almost universally supportive. I wonder what it is about women that allow so many to accept, excuse and dispute the existence of endless double standards and the elusiveness of our equality?
388
Thank you Paulina. I have followed your career since I was a teenager. I am honored to feel the strength of your words now, so many years later. Thank you.
88
I have a follow-up question. What is the reason for these cultural differences? How can we replicate Sweden's success in this matter?
108
Socialism.
98
Sweden has a 43% female parliament. This is the essential difference. Run for office.
246
You can judge a culture by how women are treated.
311
Terrific writing, I am with you.
103
A better title would have been "America made me a millionaire and I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams."
56
She is an international model who has probably worked in dozens of countries on six continents. "America" did not make her successful. She shares her success with genetics, her intelligence and work ethic, and a slew of other countries like France, Italy, Germany, etc. Stop being so "America"centric.
204
And therefore bigotry can't exist here? Or therefore she deserves to be treated badly based on her gender?
135
But she was already modeling in Paris, so I'd say she made it before coming to the States
31
Again, Bravo!
43
Whenever I see movies, documentaries or read first hand accounts of Swedish life and culture I feel some envy. I search madly in the farthest reaches of my wildest imaginings for some scenario in which I could see myself moving there. Permanently. This article was no different. I consistently witness Swedish women and young girls who possess a strength and confidence I wish had been instilled in me. Reading articles such as this are very helpful in teaching me how to do better for my daughter.
148
I am always so wicked jealous of the "Scandinavian'' lifestyle in all of it's wonderfulness. Recently experienced Norway and I never wanted to return here. There is something to be said about the positive aspects of living there and they are proud of it too. I don't know why anyone would move here from there.
101
In my recent statement, I meant orgasms. I was referring how I thought it was inappropriate to speak about these matters in public. Quite frankly, there are more interesting matters do discuss. I hope you print both comments.
16
Call me an old-fashioned woman, but I feel talking so frankly about sex, masturbafion and organisms is inappropriate in mixed company and even among members of your own sex. I guess I am not a liberated woman and have more interesting things to talk about. If this is being a prude, I,wear the badge with honor. I cannot help my conservative upbringing and wear it proudly.
42
It should have been orgasms.
2
Well, some people are happy to take advantage of a shame-free discussion of a pretty basic human activity. Why is discussing it in front of men a problem? Are't they for the most part the ones having sex with the women?
35
How sad. Sex is what makes the world go around. If not for sex, we would probably still be at the one cell stage of life. Sex is responsible for diversity on this planet. You know skunks, chipmunks, cows, chimps,tigers, elephants and humans.
The desire to obtain orgasm is hard wired in all species. An orgasm is a cry unto God and this great Spirit rejoices in all our messy, beautiful, mostly love filled and yes, in our lonely, solo sex lives. Sex is God's middle name.
The desire to obtain orgasm is hard wired in all species. An orgasm is a cry unto God and this great Spirit rejoices in all our messy, beautiful, mostly love filled and yes, in our lonely, solo sex lives. Sex is God's middle name.
35
Great opinion writing. Women should just be themselves and quit allowing ourselves and our identities to be submerged in silly labels. I am an incredibly strong woman who kept my own name when married and gave my last name to my daughter. I have never called myself a feminist.
Forget "Feminsts!" I am just for equal rights for all - something which no country has yet, espevcially the United States. Our "feminists" will never get this and create a social chasm - an artificial chasm in my view. We will never get equal rights until we refuse to take the bait!
We were on our way to passing the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970's until Gloria Steinem went to Florida preaching a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. This inspired Phyllis Shaffly and the far right to take over the Republican Party, Gloria Steinem had no children and still stirs the social waters Chief Feminist for Life at 84. It's time we dropped this stupid term which only serves to separate people, and just talked about Equal Rights for All again.
Donald Trump would not be President if the United States had passed the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970's. We must heal the chasm or it will tear this country apart as it is already doing.
Forget "Feminsts!" I am just for equal rights for all - something which no country has yet, espevcially the United States. Our "feminists" will never get this and create a social chasm - an artificial chasm in my view. We will never get equal rights until we refuse to take the bait!
We were on our way to passing the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970's until Gloria Steinem went to Florida preaching a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. This inspired Phyllis Shaffly and the far right to take over the Republican Party, Gloria Steinem had no children and still stirs the social waters Chief Feminist for Life at 84. It's time we dropped this stupid term which only serves to separate people, and just talked about Equal Rights for All again.
Donald Trump would not be President if the United States had passed the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970's. We must heal the chasm or it will tear this country apart as it is already doing.
43
Should we also abandon "Black Lives Matter" for "All Lives Matter"?
Using our language to point out the disparate and discriminatory effects on a certain group in society is not divisive-- what's divisive is the prejudice, stereotypes, and dehumanizing treatment that led to the necessity of a social movement in the first place. Let's not try to whitewash and obfuscate the issue by using generic language in order to appeal to more people, while giving more fuel to the deniers.
Using our language to point out the disparate and discriminatory effects on a certain group in society is not divisive-- what's divisive is the prejudice, stereotypes, and dehumanizing treatment that led to the necessity of a social movement in the first place. Let's not try to whitewash and obfuscate the issue by using generic language in order to appeal to more people, while giving more fuel to the deniers.
117
You had me. I was with you.. not 100% but I was appreciating your perspective..
But you lost me at "until Gloria Steinam went to wherever" .. I mean really, Lady?
You are laming feminism for the failure of passes of the ERA?
Open your eyes, sis.
But you lost me at "until Gloria Steinam went to wherever" .. I mean really, Lady?
You are laming feminism for the failure of passes of the ERA?
Open your eyes, sis.
93
But feminism means equality for all. Look it up in any dictionary.
I also don't think we can blame Gloria Steinem for American's inability to treat people equally. Inability to take responsibility for one's actions is a chronic American problem when it comes to gender (which is why women are often blamed for being raped...still), and why would that ever have fallen completely on her shoulders...even if this account of history were true.
I also don't think we can blame Gloria Steinem for American's inability to treat people equally. Inability to take responsibility for one's actions is a chronic American problem when it comes to gender (which is why women are often blamed for being raped...still), and why would that ever have fallen completely on her shoulders...even if this account of history were true.
56
All the impressed commenters throwing unenlightened American men under the bus should bear in mind that when it came time to settle down herself, your new hero, Paulina Porizkova, the author of this piece, chose not to marry a Swede or Frenchman, but rather an American man, a generation older and plenty rich.
He also had another wife (his own age) when they started dating.
Rationalize away...
He also had another wife (his own age) when they started dating.
Rationalize away...
73
I see you feel so strongly about this that you've commented twice, replete with more patronizing language the second time around. "Our new hero" or rather a woman who makes some very good points about American society in general (not just throwing men under the bus) wasn't the one who was already married. Nevertheless, she's still entitled to an opinion. We're not quite in Handmaid's Tale territory yet. Way to confirm the general point of the piece.
152
BRAVO!
28
~Paulina,
I loved this powerful, smart, thought-provoking essay!
You make America better, darling.
xx
From Duluth, MN.
I loved this powerful, smart, thought-provoking essay!
You make America better, darling.
xx
From Duluth, MN.
48
Fascinating insights. Maybe she should write a memoir.
14
Most men get knocked around in life but they do not have a group or structure they can blame it on, at least not one that is publicly recognized. This is probably why men are less likely than women to wind up feeling miserable and resentful when they are old and realize that their life did not turn out the way they wanted it to. If you have no one to blame you, you blame yourself and just accept life the way it is.
18
It's called the patriarchy. It harms all genders.
88
Yeah, so maybe a less sexist term is needed because men hear 'the patriarchy' and feel that they are getting attacked by women for being aggressors when they themselves feel abused.
10
Why the higher rate of suicide in older men, then?
24
Reminds me of that Joanie Mitchell song, Big Yellow Taxi; " Don't know what you've got til it's gone." But how can you know what's missing if you've never had it? I've always considered myself a feminist and felt gut-punched when a man who bragged about grabbing women in the pussy was elected president. I couldn't figure out how self-respecting women could vote for him. Now I know it's because they never had it.
139
Ms Porizkova's personal observations of equality between the sexes in the countries she's lived in are borne out by numbers. American feminists have done courageous battle, but we still have never had a female head of state, and Congress comprises only about 20% women. Meanwhile, the European Parliament is 37% female, and the parliaments of most Western European nations are 30% or more female. Regarding the countries mentioned, Sweden's parliament is 43% female; France's, 27%; and the Czech Republic's, 20%. [All figures from www.ipu.org.]
Thank you, Ms Porizkova, for illustrating that no matter how many times we tell our daughters that they are equal to our sons and can do whatever they like when they grow up, "power" statistics paint a different picture.
Thank you, Ms Porizkova, for illustrating that no matter how many times we tell our daughters that they are equal to our sons and can do whatever they like when they grow up, "power" statistics paint a different picture.
101
I do hope that you also tell your boys that they can be anything they want as well. There are many examples of trying to support and celebrate female power (and that's a good thing), there are some instances where if it was presented the opposite way, for male power, that it would be a major problem.
11
"we tell our daughters that they are equal to our sons and can do whatever they like when they grow up, "power" statistics paint a different picture. "
You mean, in short, that propaganda is different from real life. The countries you cite have policies forcing quotas by gender. Which means we don't get the best or most qualified candidates; we get a mix of qualified, female, and diversity, the 2 latter being mandated by quotas, and seldom sharing the same quality as the former. Whoever feels "empowered" because "their people" are represented in electoral lists or in government by mandate, well, hooray for them, but it takes a great deal of self-convincing and delusion to actually believe that anything has been achieved when their mere presence is only due to quotas, not personal worth.
In an actually competitive environment untainted by political correctness, with candidates having to rely on their qualifications or qualities instead of their gender or ethnicity, the "achievements" aren't as striking, true...
You mean, in short, that propaganda is different from real life. The countries you cite have policies forcing quotas by gender. Which means we don't get the best or most qualified candidates; we get a mix of qualified, female, and diversity, the 2 latter being mandated by quotas, and seldom sharing the same quality as the former. Whoever feels "empowered" because "their people" are represented in electoral lists or in government by mandate, well, hooray for them, but it takes a great deal of self-convincing and delusion to actually believe that anything has been achieved when their mere presence is only due to quotas, not personal worth.
In an actually competitive environment untainted by political correctness, with candidates having to rely on their qualifications or qualities instead of their gender or ethnicity, the "achievements" aren't as striking, true...
12
I am so very tired that even our language has been hijacked and the original meanings were lost along the way and become negative...feminist is one of them. It is an empowerment word and often turned against us. And even we had narrow definitions of what it meant...for instance, women who stayed home to raise families were vilified if they didn't want to have a full time career. This should never be. It is all about choice. Bonafide, educated choice. Not roles that are superimposed by anyone. Introversion vs extroversion in a variety of areas, is another. Our individual personalities are as important as our group identities. We must remember this.
38
An intolerant and totalitarian movement such as Feminism has no room for personal freedom of choice. Get with the program.
9
I was visiting a Swedish friend in the 90s. She and her friends would take me out and show me around Stockholm. We went to a nightclub one night, and we were approached by two American men. They asked us what we did for work. I will never forget how they actually did not believe that my friend was a computer programmer, and they didn't believe her friends either. It was embarrassing. For a multitude of reasons, the World has a lot to learn from Swedish culture.
52
How sad that in her long journey, Ms. Porizkova seems to have been going backwards rather than forward as she arrived in these United States. I was so sad as I finished reading the article because Ms. Porizkova had to reach out to feminism as a lifesaver after a life of much success.
What does it say about what women have accomplished these many decades since Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan and all those valiant women in the 1960s marched, wrote moving treatises and exposed themselves up to mockery when Senator Kamala Harris is asked to be more "courteous" and Senator Claire MacCaskill is accused of "ranting" during committee hearing. Has any Senator being told that? No. And definitely not by a female senator. But worse than that. No other Senator found anything wrong with those comments and interrupted the critic to demand an apology. After all they were just women. Second class citizens.
I'm weeping for all women but this time for Ms. Porizkova whose beginning journey was so promising in her personal achievements and then had to encounter what all women face today ( even those who claim that they don't need feminism ). Of course I believe we ( men and women ) all should be feminists. I'm still sad.
What does it say about what women have accomplished these many decades since Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan and all those valiant women in the 1960s marched, wrote moving treatises and exposed themselves up to mockery when Senator Kamala Harris is asked to be more "courteous" and Senator Claire MacCaskill is accused of "ranting" during committee hearing. Has any Senator being told that? No. And definitely not by a female senator. But worse than that. No other Senator found anything wrong with those comments and interrupted the critic to demand an apology. After all they were just women. Second class citizens.
I'm weeping for all women but this time for Ms. Porizkova whose beginning journey was so promising in her personal achievements and then had to encounter what all women face today ( even those who claim that they don't need feminism ). Of course I believe we ( men and women ) all should be feminists. I'm still sad.
47
"I'm weeping for all women but this time for Ms. Porizkova whose beginning journey was so promising in her personal achievements and then had to encounter what all women face today"
What, a famous and wealthy husband?
What, a famous and wealthy husband?
18
I had the same experience as Porizkova describes, but in reverse. At 19, in 1978, I went to Norway and worked on a farm. After two weeks I realized I could take the feminist chip off my shoulder. Even though the farm labor back then was highly divided according to gender (men in the fields, women in the kitchen) there was just a palatable (and non-sexualized) respect toward women that I could sense without understanding a word of the language. I remember it feeling new and amazing. So instead of returning at the end of the summer to a life in protest, I stayed in Norway where I felt I could learn to feel good about being female and get on with my life. Still in here 40 years later.
88
Very insightful perspective from a woman of the world - literally.
22
In the US of A, we criticized, we vilified, at times we are horrified by the extremists Muslim kingdoms and countries. Although we tend to treat women as they do. Mrs. Hillary Clinton, with countless achievements here in the US of A, was not able to break the "glass ceiling" Mrs Clinton was vilified, discredited, unreasonable hated by her opponents. Mostly old white men have control over women bodies. These "mullahs" although not Muslim they exercise tighter grip over women bodies in this so called Free country. Women have been and will remain second class citizens thanks to right wing old men.
90
Women can't vote or drive in Saudi Arabia. Women vote and drive in the USA.
Women have arranged marriages in Pakistan, often to their relatives.
Women make their own decisions on marriage in the USA, and jokes about some rural areas aside, rarely marry relatives.
Women aren't safe going out without being covered up in Iran or Egypt. Women dress as they please in the USA.
Women are discouraged or forbidden from attending school in Afghanistan. Most college enrollees in the USA are women.
Women adulterers are floggged in Indonesia. Not so in the USA.
And so on...
So your premises and conclusions are wrong. We in the USA do not treat women anything close to how many Muslim nations do.
Women have arranged marriages in Pakistan, often to their relatives.
Women make their own decisions on marriage in the USA, and jokes about some rural areas aside, rarely marry relatives.
Women aren't safe going out without being covered up in Iran or Egypt. Women dress as they please in the USA.
Women are discouraged or forbidden from attending school in Afghanistan. Most college enrollees in the USA are women.
Women adulterers are floggged in Indonesia. Not so in the USA.
And so on...
So your premises and conclusions are wrong. We in the USA do not treat women anything close to how many Muslim nations do.
21
Welcome to America. When I was young, I was a feminist and considered unsexy and shrill. Middle aged and a feminist, I was dumpy and out of touch. Now in my late 50s and a feminist, I am ... still American, still second class.
51
Love this!
17
Spot on. Thank you for your article.
7
Unfortunately, the freedom many women have in Sweden, Germany and other European countries is being threatened by SOME Muslim men and their lack of self control. This mus seriouslyt be addressed for it has changed the women in these countries by making them fearful to be themselves. This must end.
31
In thinking about this some more, I'd like to postulate a problem with the 'feminist' point in this article.
Ms Prizkova mentions dancing over to her intended partner and making an overt proposition. Women everywhere feel reasonably comfortable doing this if the spirit moves them. Men are not allowed to behave in the same manner, unless, of course, the woman is open to it. If they are not, the man might be called a stalker or sexual predator, or perhaps a bouncer will ask him to leave.
Feminism as a philosophy is a complete dead-end unless it comes to terms with the fact that men are generally NOT treated equally (e.g. much is expected/demanded of us, and it is considered bad form to even bring it up) and are not expected to have any voice in the matter other than to support what women think. If you don't believe this, try having an open exchange with a self-proclaimed feminist (good luck).
Reading comments here from women, I am fairly amazed at the lack of a reality check on the modern American male. I've been married for nearly 14 years and I do the great majority of house cleaning, yard work, bill paying, taxes, maintenance, paid 100% for my step-daughter's college education and nursing school, buy most of my mother-in-law's plane tickets, and am the single-earner in the family. On occasion, my wife spouts the on-line feminist nonsense that somehow SHE is the oppressed one.
It doesn't feel that way, and those who argue that angle look foolish.
Ms Prizkova mentions dancing over to her intended partner and making an overt proposition. Women everywhere feel reasonably comfortable doing this if the spirit moves them. Men are not allowed to behave in the same manner, unless, of course, the woman is open to it. If they are not, the man might be called a stalker or sexual predator, or perhaps a bouncer will ask him to leave.
Feminism as a philosophy is a complete dead-end unless it comes to terms with the fact that men are generally NOT treated equally (e.g. much is expected/demanded of us, and it is considered bad form to even bring it up) and are not expected to have any voice in the matter other than to support what women think. If you don't believe this, try having an open exchange with a self-proclaimed feminist (good luck).
Reading comments here from women, I am fairly amazed at the lack of a reality check on the modern American male. I've been married for nearly 14 years and I do the great majority of house cleaning, yard work, bill paying, taxes, maintenance, paid 100% for my step-daughter's college education and nursing school, buy most of my mother-in-law's plane tickets, and am the single-earner in the family. On occasion, my wife spouts the on-line feminist nonsense that somehow SHE is the oppressed one.
It doesn't feel that way, and those who argue that angle look foolish.
25
Wait, what? I haven't been to a club in a while-- I'm in my early 40s-- but when I did I was regularly approached by men expressing interest. Yes, the ones who approach and won't take no for an answer are creepy and stalkers, but men approaching and flirting-- that's a regular Saturday night.
As for the housework, good for you you've established an egalitarian household. I know relationships that are not so equally divided, and yes, the woman is the one who takes on more. All this is anecdata, but the actual research shows that women still take on the majority of household duties and are paid less than men, sometimes for the same work.
As for the housework, good for you you've established an egalitarian household. I know relationships that are not so equally divided, and yes, the woman is the one who takes on more. All this is anecdata, but the actual research shows that women still take on the majority of household duties and are paid less than men, sometimes for the same work.
59
If it wasn't so cold, I would apply tomorrow to be a Swedish citizen! Wonderfully enlightening article.
19
brava, Paulina
21
Yes, a woman can write with honesty and candor and not whine - I am, quite frankly disappointed with US women. I am now 74, did have some setbacks as a younger woman. Then you had to be 21 to sign important things like college applications, but got a BA, taught a few years, switched to IT and met my German husband working as a senior programmer for a large company in 1970. As I had access to payroll data, I knew that my salary was in the ballpark of the guys in the department as well as my Engineer fiance. I was not "fighting" - just doing quality work like everyone else, supporting myself just like the guys. I actually had - and still have - more issues with other women who do not wish to see someone with good skills applying them to do quality work.
Yes, I had European maternity benefits for the first child, but they do not replicate if you choose to stay home with the first one - you make do and raise the kids you have. That's life. My husband and I have concentrated on building a nice life together sharing what we have and do - without a schedule or "list" of duties.
I do find that "feminists" in the US right now tend to be a little oversensitive. Yes there are slights and odd looks - we give them to men and kids as well. So what. I still find striving to be a human who contributes to society my goal - as a woman, and I love being a girl still in a loving and earthy relationship - Puritans be damned.
Yes, I had European maternity benefits for the first child, but they do not replicate if you choose to stay home with the first one - you make do and raise the kids you have. That's life. My husband and I have concentrated on building a nice life together sharing what we have and do - without a schedule or "list" of duties.
I do find that "feminists" in the US right now tend to be a little oversensitive. Yes there are slights and odd looks - we give them to men and kids as well. So what. I still find striving to be a human who contributes to society my goal - as a woman, and I love being a girl still in a loving and earthy relationship - Puritans be damned.
24
here's the deal - when you work with women in France, they work with you as total equals. I have never been in an environment that was as level as France. French women, and Polish women right behind them, treat men as equals, and have an expectation that they will be treated as equals as well.
18
I live and work in the scientific/technical American subculture. Here, the contrasts between Europe and the US that Porizkova describes stand out. I was hired as a professor 35 years ago when women were about 3% of the professoriate at my institution. Looking back, I realize that I experienced continual mean-spirited disrespect from many places including individual maintenance personnel to department chairs. I survived only because of help and support from the other (rare) female professors, and from several individual men. The root of the issue, I believe, is that somehow, in the American culture rooted in a macho pioneer ethos, too many men cannot accept women as authorities - on anything. To do so seems to threaten their self-respect. We see this today in the too often irrational gut reactions against the remarkable accomplishments of Hillary Clinton.
When I have traveled to Europe as a professor, I have been struck by the different attitude; I am treated with much more respect than in my own institution. The macho ethos is not present.
Women are now ~25% of the professors in my institution. this occurred because, for the most part, we women stuck together and fought for proper respect. With very few exceptions, and there are some, female professors support each other here. We early pioneers worked to make that our culture and it has made a difference. Slowly, the macho culture among male professors is fading; but it isn't gone yet.
When I have traveled to Europe as a professor, I have been struck by the different attitude; I am treated with much more respect than in my own institution. The macho ethos is not present.
Women are now ~25% of the professors in my institution. this occurred because, for the most part, we women stuck together and fought for proper respect. With very few exceptions, and there are some, female professors support each other here. We early pioneers worked to make that our culture and it has made a difference. Slowly, the macho culture among male professors is fading; but it isn't gone yet.
73
Misogynistic men are pathetic, jealous and frankly stupid. Losers and babies of male privilege longings.
They can't handle when women outshine them. I say this as a man.
Current NORAD and NORTHCOM Commander 4 star general Lori Robinson. Oprah. Meg Whitman. Marisa Mayer. Sara Blakely of Spanx. Marie Curie. Jennifer Doudna and Emmanuelle Charpentier, inventors of CRISPR gene splicing technology. Former Sec's Of State Albright and Rice. Angela Merkel. Daw Aung San Suu Kyi. Indira Ghandi. Benazir Bhutto. Cleopatra. Hatchepsut. Catherine the Great. Dianne Feinstein and all her female colleagues. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan and on and on.
Likely the misogynists' mothers, sisters, and wives as well.
https://www.forbes.com/power-women/#/tab:overall_page:9
Grow up men. Intelligence and ability are not determined by what's between one's legs.
Kuddos to you PP.
They can't handle when women outshine them. I say this as a man.
Current NORAD and NORTHCOM Commander 4 star general Lori Robinson. Oprah. Meg Whitman. Marisa Mayer. Sara Blakely of Spanx. Marie Curie. Jennifer Doudna and Emmanuelle Charpentier, inventors of CRISPR gene splicing technology. Former Sec's Of State Albright and Rice. Angela Merkel. Daw Aung San Suu Kyi. Indira Ghandi. Benazir Bhutto. Cleopatra. Hatchepsut. Catherine the Great. Dianne Feinstein and all her female colleagues. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan and on and on.
Likely the misogynists' mothers, sisters, and wives as well.
https://www.forbes.com/power-women/#/tab:overall_page:9
Grow up men. Intelligence and ability are not determined by what's between one's legs.
Kuddos to you PP.
48
You just named a number of successful women over a long period of time. You could also add people such as Catherine the Great, Joan of Arc, Mary Queen of Scots or Margret Thatcher to your list. But that, to me, shows that women are celebrated and can be just as successful as men, throughout the world and throughout time. Perhaps you're overstating the misogyny of the males of the world...
3
Grant,
Did mention Catherine the Great.
And yes I could have mentioned many many more, but there is a character limit. My point was to show that there have been successful women IN SPITE OF misogyny. But that does not mean misogyny has not, and does not exist.
With respect, I would suggest that you ask all the women you know if I am overstating misogyny.
Regards.
Did mention Catherine the Great.
And yes I could have mentioned many many more, but there is a character limit. My point was to show that there have been successful women IN SPITE OF misogyny. But that does not mean misogyny has not, and does not exist.
With respect, I would suggest that you ask all the women you know if I am overstating misogyny.
Regards.
40
This woman speaks from personal knowledge. Her life in different countries gives her insights more value. Feminism in the USA has been corrupted to mean the return of women to the realm of sexual fantasy and market-place exploitation. Woman within the culture of American capitalism is another item of consumerism. It is here that the political divide lies: on the one hand, women as commodities beings raised my mothers to be wives and mothers, and on the other, women as the feminist movement aimed to achieve: women, first of all with intelligence and in possession, without any question, of their bodies. And, of course, in possession of their educated brains.
11
You nailed it: "But the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it."
75
Reminds me a bit of Wonder Woman's attitude coming from Amazon society. Time for a new feminist movement to change structures and attitudes so that girls and women can enjoy equal rights and realize their creative potential.
28
I almost miss this piece. My first (shameful) thought was "what is a pampered model going to tell me about feminism?" Well, shame on me! This is the best piece I've read in a while. Not scholar, just pure experience, as seen by a several times immigrant (which I am myself too). Makes me want to move to Sweden! You go Porizkova! Thank you! Maybe you should consider a career in writing as well.
21
a great and informative article....yhanks
8
Paulina! You were my favorite model in the 80s--the most beautiful woman in the world. And it turns out one of the smartest too. Paulina for President 2020.
12
I am a man and it sounds great to me too!
18
Dear NY Times, In these relentlessly depressing and increasingly oppressive times living in under the regime of dictator in chief Trump, more features from this outspoken, intelligent person please! Really brightened my weekend!!
26
Welcome.
4
Much of our sexual ethos is focused on two things.... neither of which is essential, both of which are counter-productive in our world....
The first is re-production by every Tom, Dick and Harriett. The second is one-on-one, lifetime coupling, which is neither essential nor for everyone.
These values go back to the days of serfdom, when preventing the emergence of clans that could be powerful and rebellious, and providing a ready supply of plebes and soldiers, were the goals of the (over) Lords.
Love, Freedom, Respect, Integrity.... these are powerful values that challenge power.... and the values for which Christ, and others, were murdered... Today, they still are seen as a threat.... same old, same old....
The first is re-production by every Tom, Dick and Harriett. The second is one-on-one, lifetime coupling, which is neither essential nor for everyone.
These values go back to the days of serfdom, when preventing the emergence of clans that could be powerful and rebellious, and providing a ready supply of plebes and soldiers, were the goals of the (over) Lords.
Love, Freedom, Respect, Integrity.... these are powerful values that challenge power.... and the values for which Christ, and others, were murdered... Today, they still are seen as a threat.... same old, same old....
15
Brava, Ms. Porizkova: "In America, important men were desirable. Important women had to be desirable." Yes, exactly!
25
I'm moving to Sweden! Love this!!
11
On the Global Gender Gap Report, Sweden is actually closer to Rwanda, Ireland, the Philippines, Slovenia, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Switzerland, Burundi, Germany, Namibia and South Africa than it is to Iceland, Finland and Norway.
Go Catholics! Go Africans!
Go Catholics! Go Africans!
6
Waaait a minute!
Sweden has NEVER finished lower than a 4th rank in the Global Gender Report since it's introduction in 2006.
Check your facts!
Sweden has NEVER finished lower than a 4th rank in the Global Gender Report since it's introduction in 2006.
Check your facts!
15
Linda--You are correct, Sweden is fourth after Iceland, Finland and Norway. I'd like to point out that the US ranks 45 of 144 countries. Nothing to be proud about.
24
Read my comment again.
2
Thank you for helping American women see that it doesn't have to be patriarchy. Women can be liberated. Has it always been so in Sweden?
My travels to some 50 countries showed me both models and strangely enough, the Soviet Union was tremendously more respectful of women than the US. That was a surprise.
I can't help but think the Puritan brand of Colonialism brought to the US is somewhat the culprit. I mean, the British are Famously uptight about sex, and emotions in general.
The witch burnings were another message to women that they better behave and that lasted 200 years, sponsored by the loving church fathers. Complete with sexual torture devices that are cruel beyond belief.
Women, as half the planet, are people. Not objects or playthings or trophies.
Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.
My travels to some 50 countries showed me both models and strangely enough, the Soviet Union was tremendously more respectful of women than the US. That was a surprise.
I can't help but think the Puritan brand of Colonialism brought to the US is somewhat the culprit. I mean, the British are Famously uptight about sex, and emotions in general.
The witch burnings were another message to women that they better behave and that lasted 200 years, sponsored by the loving church fathers. Complete with sexual torture devices that are cruel beyond belief.
Women, as half the planet, are people. Not objects or playthings or trophies.
Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.
39
I wonder if Ric Ocasek's previous wife considers you a feminist. She's the one who was his own age and had two young kids and a long marriage before a barely legal European decided American values were too Victorian once a rich and famous rock star was involved.
33
Suzanne Ocasek and Ric Ocasek were married for 4 years. They dated for 12 years after getting together in 1972 and married in 1984. 4 years later they divorced in 1988.
Paulina was 24 when she married Ric in 1989. Twenty eight years of marriage for them is quite a strong vindication.
Paulina was 24 when she married Ric in 1989. Twenty eight years of marriage for them is quite a strong vindication.
34
The only path to real change is a change in leadership. Rights must be fought for. If women do not have skin in the game, men are not going represent their needs no matter what they promise in their stump speeches. If/when women do decide to start their own businesses, run for office, and take command of the ship in meaningful numbers there will have to be sacrifices. In our current system is the rare woman who can do it all; firing on all cylinders of being a wife, mother, and world beater sustainable? Leaning in has to entail men leaning in to enable women to rise. As evidenced by "he who must not be named" currently occupying the oval office there is a sizable portion of the country who do not want to share power and will fight against all forms of gender equality in order to keep it all to themselves.
4
Even thought I'm 80 years old, she tempts me to relocate to Sweden! Bravo!
23
bbaker
'at least a woman knows her place' , Read , 'at least she knows where she stands'.
good piece. thx
'at least a woman knows her place' , Read , 'at least she knows where she stands'.
good piece. thx
2
Has anyone else noticed that to a remarkable degree the female heads of major corporations are very attractive, even extraordinarily attractive women, to a degree not seen in their male counterparts?
I sometimes think that Mrs. Clinton would be president today if:
1. She had, like Mrs. Thatcher, taken voice lessens and learned to modulate the tone of her voice. Her speeches were bad, and she sounded awful
2. Lost weight. Not simply to look better, but to look more vigorous.
3. Worn skirts.
I've observed that in America that, speaking relatively, a woman needs to be more attractive than a man would to reach a comparable status. I wonder if this is also true in Sweden. But perhaps Swedes--male and female--are all so good-looking that it doesn't matter.
"Former supermodel?" I think once a supermodel, always a supermodel.
I sometimes think that Mrs. Clinton would be president today if:
1. She had, like Mrs. Thatcher, taken voice lessens and learned to modulate the tone of her voice. Her speeches were bad, and she sounded awful
2. Lost weight. Not simply to look better, but to look more vigorous.
3. Worn skirts.
I've observed that in America that, speaking relatively, a woman needs to be more attractive than a man would to reach a comparable status. I wonder if this is also true in Sweden. But perhaps Swedes--male and female--are all so good-looking that it doesn't matter.
"Former supermodel?" I think once a supermodel, always a supermodel.
18
With all of the serious problems we face in the world right now the continuous navel gazing and self pity in female focused oped articles in the NYT is really off putting. On balance White women in the USA do pretty well. This is borne out by volumes of unassailable data. If we were to create a data based pyramid on quality of life in this country African Americans would be on the bottom and White women would be on top. We now have "leadership" in Washington that threatens the core values of our democracy. It's time to wake up!
8
Such negativity about America in this Op-Ed, and in these comments. Strange since America is the best country in the world, which is why Ms. Porizkova left Czechoslovakia, and Sweden, to live here in the US of A (in spite of her Swedish citizenship.) Go figure.
9
With a wannabe pussy-grabber for president? And a movement to end all birth control?
34
Shame on the NYTimes for its vile and prejudicial graphic for this thoughtful and honest OPED. Really? "The Mouth that Roared" imagery, devious stiletto behind the ear? A picture is indeed worth a thousand words and this one carried all the implied slur that has dogged those who have dared to speak out and to strive. One of them was my grandmother, who cut school to march for the right vote. Another was my quiet Mom who went to work during WWII so my Dad could fight for us all (and still had to endure "dirty talk" from coworkers. Then there's me and my sisters who marched for the sanctity of our bodies and right to choose.
BTW: I and my husband are both illustrator-artists and can think of a dozen ways to sensitively depict this complex, multifaceted concept.
BTW: I and my husband are both illustrator-artists and can think of a dozen ways to sensitively depict this complex, multifaceted concept.
27
The author conflates the notion of sexual openness with female power. Yes the Swedes are more open about discussing sex and we Americans suffer from a Puritanical hangover. Swedes have legislated equal shared power in their legislature, but their corporate boardrooms are woefully lacking women. American private corporations have more women in their executive ranks than France or Sweden as a percentage of those positions available. If feminism is about equal power, America distributes that power differently than in Europe. America historically awards less power to its government than Europeans, therefore were power is compared must be pro-rated as well. The author most likely has no corporate or economic research experience and is therefore speaking anecdotally from her time as a model, which is rife with gay male fantasies of what women should be, nothing but underfed youth to be seen and not heard. Men have a long way to go in America and in Europe in accepting women as equals. Finding where women's power today lies in what corner you shine the light and not every culture keeps its version of feminism in the same corner.
13
My wife of 28 years is a Swede. I've spent lots of time there. You're quoting a few abstract statistics and making some silly logical leaps -- nothing you're talking about is based on any kind of lived experience. The author is completely correct and I've seen it in action a million times, from the macro (the proportion of women in government roles in Sweden) to the micro (the dynamics of interpersonal relationships).
America is woefully backward in this regard compared to Sweden. Anybody who's actually had experience with both cultures knows this. The fact that you can claim that the author is wrong -- even though she's lived in both cultures while you've apparently only read a few charts to back up your assumptions -- proves her point far better than I can.
America is woefully backward in this regard compared to Sweden. Anybody who's actually had experience with both cultures knows this. The fact that you can claim that the author is wrong -- even though she's lived in both cultures while you've apparently only read a few charts to back up your assumptions -- proves her point far better than I can.
56
I always said I was as dumb as any man. Thus making me equal. I planted trees for 20 years and was often the only woman on the crew. In the United States, a woman has to shout her virtues, skills and desires out through a bullhorn. Otherwise she will get nowhere. You can't wait for someone to notice how great you are and raise you to your worthy pay level. Not in this country. Pay raises and elevations in employment will never happen unless you talk about your greatness pointedly and often. This I have learned being a woman in America.
33
"But the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it."
That is perhaps the summation of whats so very wrong with American culture. Its our tendency towards mixed messages. Plus, we have not really come up with a more feminine language to address so many of the battles between the sexes. Its all driven from male POV, and its all about dominance.
Which was my hope for feminism when I was younger and being taught by elder females important life lessons. I hoped that feminism would bring new attitudes and behaviors and even language to the world - that would change the hyper-masculinity in how we address, analyze and pursue business, politics and social interactions. But instead we had women breaking in and thru - by acting just like the males around them and in many cases far worse. They were predatory, uncompassionate and ruthless for the sake of it. Nothing new and feminine was introduced. The business world for example is perhaps more uncompassionate now, then in the days of no rules and regulations for employee protections. Made worse that now all the hard won protections are being stripped away for the sole pursuit of hyper profits and calling it patriotic!
American women need to set their narrative. They also have to stop asking for permission to have right X, or Y. They have to demand it, and when denied, go about taking it! Its time ladies. Own it!
That is perhaps the summation of whats so very wrong with American culture. Its our tendency towards mixed messages. Plus, we have not really come up with a more feminine language to address so many of the battles between the sexes. Its all driven from male POV, and its all about dominance.
Which was my hope for feminism when I was younger and being taught by elder females important life lessons. I hoped that feminism would bring new attitudes and behaviors and even language to the world - that would change the hyper-masculinity in how we address, analyze and pursue business, politics and social interactions. But instead we had women breaking in and thru - by acting just like the males around them and in many cases far worse. They were predatory, uncompassionate and ruthless for the sake of it. Nothing new and feminine was introduced. The business world for example is perhaps more uncompassionate now, then in the days of no rules and regulations for employee protections. Made worse that now all the hard won protections are being stripped away for the sole pursuit of hyper profits and calling it patriotic!
American women need to set their narrative. They also have to stop asking for permission to have right X, or Y. They have to demand it, and when denied, go about taking it! Its time ladies. Own it!
126
Thank you, Paulina, for saying what so many American women and men will not: I am a feminist. Why is being a feminist so painfully out of vogue in America?
What is so unappealing about declaring oneself an advocate for equality between the sexes? It is my hope that more Americans will have the courage to stand up for equal rights between women and men. Toward that end, my name is Heather Boucher, and I am a feminist.
What is so unappealing about declaring oneself an advocate for equality between the sexes? It is my hope that more Americans will have the courage to stand up for equal rights between women and men. Toward that end, my name is Heather Boucher, and I am a feminist.
17
Because of the suffix.
"-ist" is adopted when you want to describe your group as superior, and all other groups as below it: racist, sexist, chauvinist, nationalist, supremacist, even evangelist and idealist, and so on.
The struggle for equality is one that struggles against any hierarchy.
"-ist" is adopted when you want to describe your group as superior, and all other groups as below it: racist, sexist, chauvinist, nationalist, supremacist, even evangelist and idealist, and so on.
The struggle for equality is one that struggles against any hierarchy.
4
It is telling that comments picked by NYT and upvoted most by readers are mostly about the plight of American women with total disregard for how they themselves contribute to the situation.Many not only objectify themselves but also have traditional expectations from men while not taking accountability for the re-enforcement of misogyny their stridency contributes to.Cheryl Sandberg and Ruth Porat did not get to where they are because of affirmative action or domestic help. They did so because they were better at their jobs then the men around them.Instead of applauding their success they are resented by many women who were "promised" they could have it all but do not primarily because of their own limitations, choices and priorities.In our culture both sexes need to blame rather than be accountable,it's just that women have one additional foe to point at,men.
9
Good to hear your origin story, but you missed the only useful part for your readers - what are you going to do as a feminist now? A simple answer would be to lobby/fight/campaign for rational and honest sex education like you say you had in Sweden. Or some other way of fighting/working for women's empowerment and freedom. The word feminist has become just as enigmatic and unspeakable to so many you would think it was one more of a woman's gynecological "bits".
5
I'm packin' my bags and movin' to Sweden!
12
This is exactly what I have experienced in Québec. But Québécois men are the equivalent of the Swedes, not the French! Need proof? Two words: Justin Trudeau.
10
So you call Ms. Porizkova a "former supermodel." But idiots like Jeff session will always be "Senator Sessions." Even Elliot Spitzer will always be "Governor Spitzer." I think Ms. Porizkova should always be a supermodel...
25
Nice to see so many positive reactions to Paulina's piece -- it's a sign of progress that a woman can exhibit such sharp candor, saying true things such as "fun stuff like masturbation", without shocking people. Even while a great deal of this country is still astoundingly hung-up, no?
21
It is often said the social attitudes of Scandinavian counties seem free and relaxed, compared to typical American standards. But how do we identify a "typical" standard in this tremendously diverse country? let us remember, their populations are tiny compared to ours. Sweden's roughly ten million compares to that of Michigan and Georgia and New York city. Just try to identify a "typical" social attitude in any of those locals. You can't even do it within each area. The differences in urban-suburban-rural, race and ethnicity are too great. I think Ms. Porizkova only has expertise in the society of super models, in which she has traveled since a very young age.
16
@David Gottfried: All of those ills you describe are the result of the society in which we currently live -- a society ruled by wealthy white men who benefit from keeping other men and all women subordinate.
Anyone who doesn't conform to the norms and standards is punished by being kept out of power. If you do not work hard in school, win scholarships to college, study the "right" STEM subjects, and get a job that makes a lot of money, you lose social status and life becomes a constant struggle for survival.
This society rewards only what its rulers approve, and access to the ruling class can only be purchased. "Good" conformists are rewarded out of all proportion with the wealth and status required to join the powerful who make the rules for this society.
Yet, if you work in a profession that has real impact, such caring for others, educating people, or producing art or other unique cultural products, you are neither adequately compensated, nor permitted to participate in shaping rules for society.
A beautiful woman like Paulina is allowed to speak and will be praised, but a less attractive woman who says exactly the same thing will be booed and scorned, and called "strident," rather than "intelligent."
Feminism is about freeing us ALL from this stultifying and unjust situation and creating a society based on values besides money and monotheism. You and all other oppressed men are welcome to join a new society, where we encourage each other to realize our best selves.
Anyone who doesn't conform to the norms and standards is punished by being kept out of power. If you do not work hard in school, win scholarships to college, study the "right" STEM subjects, and get a job that makes a lot of money, you lose social status and life becomes a constant struggle for survival.
This society rewards only what its rulers approve, and access to the ruling class can only be purchased. "Good" conformists are rewarded out of all proportion with the wealth and status required to join the powerful who make the rules for this society.
Yet, if you work in a profession that has real impact, such caring for others, educating people, or producing art or other unique cultural products, you are neither adequately compensated, nor permitted to participate in shaping rules for society.
A beautiful woman like Paulina is allowed to speak and will be praised, but a less attractive woman who says exactly the same thing will be booed and scorned, and called "strident," rather than "intelligent."
Feminism is about freeing us ALL from this stultifying and unjust situation and creating a society based on values besides money and monotheism. You and all other oppressed men are welcome to join a new society, where we encourage each other to realize our best selves.
29
Nice article. Sad but true commentary.
4
But if America thinks of sex as something secret, then feminism isn't the solution. It's the problem.
Feminists have equated heterosexual sex with rape since the "structural" power disparity between men and women means that women cannot freely consent to sex. The result has been to infantilize women and disrespect their choices. Sex is seen, not as something healthy, but as something men take from women, somehow diminishing them. If two college students drink too much and have sex, the man may be judged to have raped the woman, but never the reverse.
So, based on your views here, I don't think you will pass he feminists' litmus test.
Feminists have equated heterosexual sex with rape since the "structural" power disparity between men and women means that women cannot freely consent to sex. The result has been to infantilize women and disrespect their choices. Sex is seen, not as something healthy, but as something men take from women, somehow diminishing them. If two college students drink too much and have sex, the man may be judged to have raped the woman, but never the reverse.
So, based on your views here, I don't think you will pass he feminists' litmus test.
7
You are so wrong. Feminists do not regard healthy, normal sex as rape. We DO regard non-consensual sex as rape. Funny, that. If you aren't sure about consent, wait until you are both sober. It isn't rocket science.
32
Interesting perspective from a woman who has lived in different
Countries.
Countries.
4
"But the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it." Like shushing a woman in the Senate? Or colluding with Russians to avoid having a woman president? Oh, there should be so many feminists. But, alas, there are not enough.
32
While I generally agree with this article, I find it a little odd coming from a woman who made her career on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and Victoria's Secret. She complains about an America where women have to be desirable, and perpetually youthful and slim. And yet her entire career was about promoting that unhealthy image. Somehow I have trouble believing her.
24
This analogy doesn't wash. How is a naturally attractive healthy woman an unhealthy image? If anything, her work has clarified to her how much harder women struggle to be taken seriously. You don't believe her because she was a model? Does she have to be a masculine lesbian before you will believe her? What jobs exactly are you ok with women holding and expressing their feminist world view? Can a bank teller be a feminist? A nanny? A stripper? A prostitute? A grocery store cashier? CEO at IBM?
30
Your comment supports her point. Imagine a world where a woman need not be obliged to be a supermodel or NOT to be a supermodel.
12
Djana, which of the jobs you listed would you encourage your daughter (or even son) to pursue? Answer it honestly, and your rhetorical question will be resolved.
5
Amazingly, the following happened as I was reading this article on my mobile phone:
I was standing with several other women at the door of a yoga studio waiting for it to open for class. A man walked up with his yoga mat and asked us "Is it open?" I answered "No, it's not open yet." The man considered this, then pushed in front of us and tried to open the door.
I suspect every woman has experienced such treatment. I am curious whether some men treat other men this way as well, or whether they learn early in life that they can't get away with it?
I was standing with several other women at the door of a yoga studio waiting for it to open for class. A man walked up with his yoga mat and asked us "Is it open?" I answered "No, it's not open yet." The man considered this, then pushed in front of us and tried to open the door.
I suspect every woman has experienced such treatment. I am curious whether some men treat other men this way as well, or whether they learn early in life that they can't get away with it?
23
Happens between men all the time. In fact, yesterday a woman I work with asked me a question, which I answered and so did another woman I work with. Ten minutes later, the woman disregarded our answers and emailed a group of 50 people to ask the question again. She got the same answer.
Be careful about filtering every affront through the lens of gender.
Be careful about filtering every affront through the lens of gender.
12
Yes, a man would do the same thing if a group of men were standing there - a man wouldn't just take anyone's word for it. But here's there difference: the other men standing there wouldn't feel insulted. They know they would do exactly the same thing (and probably each of them did!).
9
Why would you assume that your answer would be the final word? It appears that you were perhaps the first of many colleagues that she consulted, and that your response matched that of the group. As a manager, I would call this woman a prudent team worker.
Glad to have you join the group! I grew up in the 50's 60's and 70's while the women's movement began. At first as a young girl I was surprised to find out girls and boys were not equal. While older women were breaking into male dominated fields, I was a free wheelin' 60's teenager enjoying flower power and peace and love, again, equal with the boys. Then I married in the 80's and suddenly I was responsible for a full-time job, and all the cooking, child-care and house-keeping. Equality went right out the window. So did the marriage.
The best relationships I see have worked out the household duties equally. Good luck!
The best relationships I see have worked out the household duties equally. Good luck!
15
Boys and girls are still not equal. It will take some time and effort (and a big light bulb to go off over some feminists' heads) before men and boys are considered anywhere near as equal to the superiority women have achieved over them. There are how many laws now to protect and serve the interests of women to remain as victimized as they need to stay to keep promoting what has long since been a moot point and an agenda that leaves men committing way more suicides, and being the victims of 54% of domestic violence cases? What more can women take from men? And this from a gender that says they don't need men . When women make up 50% of garbage collectors and maintain their fair share of the roads and infrastrcuture, then they can keep complaining.
3
Oh thank you. Culture is subtle-- but very strong and confining. When I was young I decided I would never marry except an American man. And only now I learn about Sweden! Talk about a shining city on a hill. I understand the language is difficult and it gets cold in winters. Any other down sides?
3
No, no down sides! Just the cold climate during winter.
I grew up in the 70's and still feel strong, equal to men and totally empowered.
During the 80's I experienced a wonderful year in high school in the States. I'd say it was a real experience for the guys I dated too as well as for my goverment teacher!
However, I think we all have things to learn from all different cultures we're encountering on our paths in life.
A little bit of America, of France and Sweden... we need strenght, dangerousness and open forwardness, it's as simple as that. And nope, I myself see no need to call myself a feminist. But I do support it and see a need for the movement in all too many countries and cultures. Way to go, Paulina, proud greetings from Sweden to you!
I grew up in the 70's and still feel strong, equal to men and totally empowered.
During the 80's I experienced a wonderful year in high school in the States. I'd say it was a real experience for the guys I dated too as well as for my goverment teacher!
However, I think we all have things to learn from all different cultures we're encountering on our paths in life.
A little bit of America, of France and Sweden... we need strenght, dangerousness and open forwardness, it's as simple as that. And nope, I myself see no need to call myself a feminist. But I do support it and see a need for the movement in all too many countries and cultures. Way to go, Paulina, proud greetings from Sweden to you!
8
Yes. You're expected to pay for your own dinner, thank you.
4
Anna, thank you for your kind words of my country! Don't worry about the language, we speak very good English over here, almost everybody does and you are very welcome to visit or even move here! You'll learn to speak Swedish eventually. And, the weather is actually not all that bad...
8
Who and what is a feminist in America?
Ivanka Trump and Chelsea Clinton are best buddies with convicted felon father-in-laws and Jewish American Prince socioeconomic politically educationally elite husbands.
Hillary Diane Rodham is best known as Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton and she and her husband Bill were honored guests at the nuptials of Donald John Trump and Melania Knauss. Bill and Donald are mutually defined by their history of alleged and documented serial adultery sexual harassment and assault.
Ivanka, Chelsea, Hillary and Melania are no feminist icons like Harriet Tubman, Ida B. Wells, Dorothy Height, Rosa Parks, Ella Baker, Diane Nash, Shirley Chisolm, Barbara Jordan, Carol Moseley Braun, Condoleeza Rice and Susan Rice. No one knew nor cared about their partner/spouse nor their father. But every one noticed how they were colored.
Ivanka Trump and Chelsea Clinton are best buddies with convicted felon father-in-laws and Jewish American Prince socioeconomic politically educationally elite husbands.
Hillary Diane Rodham is best known as Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton and she and her husband Bill were honored guests at the nuptials of Donald John Trump and Melania Knauss. Bill and Donald are mutually defined by their history of alleged and documented serial adultery sexual harassment and assault.
Ivanka, Chelsea, Hillary and Melania are no feminist icons like Harriet Tubman, Ida B. Wells, Dorothy Height, Rosa Parks, Ella Baker, Diane Nash, Shirley Chisolm, Barbara Jordan, Carol Moseley Braun, Condoleeza Rice and Susan Rice. No one knew nor cared about their partner/spouse nor their father. But every one noticed how they were colored.
14
Great piece, although I would argue that the label "feminism" is just plain stale. The truth is that feminists tend to be wealthyish married straight Ivy League educated white women who have never really embraced or represented poor women of color, unless it's a convenient photo op. Humanism is far more inclusive in regards to race, ethnicity, class, gender, sexuality and education. That said, Porizkova nailed it.
6
To me, a feminist is a woman who believes we are all equal and entitled to equal rights, and equal pay for equal work.
14
"In America, a woman’s body seemed to belong to everybody but herself. Her sexuality belonged to her husband, her opinion of herself belonged to her social circles, and her uterus belonged to the government." That's the root of the problem right there. Your body is your own. Don't forget it.
I don't understand women who say they aren't feminists. Do they think they are intrinsically inferior to men? Where on earth would they get that idea? My guess is Christianity, as interpreted by the Puritans who founded the country. American women have internalized the sexism and subconsciously hate themselves and their bodies. If they ever wake up, our country will heal.
I don't understand women who say they aren't feminists. Do they think they are intrinsically inferior to men? Where on earth would they get that idea? My guess is Christianity, as interpreted by the Puritans who founded the country. American women have internalized the sexism and subconsciously hate themselves and their bodies. If they ever wake up, our country will heal.
21
Great article, but would the Times have run it without the photo?
5
NO WAY.
2
I thought the photo was only for illustrative purposes and didn't note the byline. Didn't know who the author was until the end.
4
Inane, but red meat to the "victims". This is getting tired.
7
It's not an tired narrative to many women in the U.S. who experience just what she is describing over their life course. One can refer to women's pay inequities as a function of "victimhood" or call the well-documented phenomenon "a lack of wage parity," which directly describes the issue.
The wage equity problem and other reflections of gender-based bias exist for millions, whatever label one chooses to apply to the array of evidence-based social barriers with which girls and women of all ages cope and live.
The wage equity problem and other reflections of gender-based bias exist for millions, whatever label one chooses to apply to the array of evidence-based social barriers with which girls and women of all ages cope and live.
16
In America and in all the Western world women have come to rule. They are better educated and can get any job they *want*. Here also "When a girl chose to bestow her favors, the lucky boy [is] envied and celebrated."
Abortion in the US is a complicated separate issue.
Abortion in the US is a complicated separate issue.
3
Maybe in NYC. But not in the American Southwest. Don't pretend that the U.S. Is a homogenous society with the same expectations across the board.
5
On the flip side, men in America are trained to be boys. "Go to your Man Cave, and play with your toys you dumb male! YOU know NOTHING about love, relationships and family!"
Be careful of what you wish for ladies. How do you like us now?
Evidently for a lot, if not most women here, this is sexy and normal.
War on men? War on women? Who can be surprised that this has morphed into a war on humanity, when children are 1st casualties after Dad is ripped from their lives by war. By work. By MOM. By an antiquated legal system and societal mores based on fantasy....and dare I say....Hate?
Be careful of what you wish for ladies. How do you like us now?
Evidently for a lot, if not most women here, this is sexy and normal.
War on men? War on women? Who can be surprised that this has morphed into a war on humanity, when children are 1st casualties after Dad is ripped from their lives by war. By work. By MOM. By an antiquated legal system and societal mores based on fantasy....and dare I say....Hate?
8
Rock on, lady! More from Paulina!
13
Blunt, clear, to the point!
For the life of me, I have never understood why the greatest detractors of the word, Feminist, in America today, happen to be... Women. This essay gives ne a different insight. We have a long way to go to get to Sweden!
For the life of me, I have never understood why the greatest detractors of the word, Feminist, in America today, happen to be... Women. This essay gives ne a different insight. We have a long way to go to get to Sweden!
18
Are Melania and Ivanka Trump feminist?
Or they are not welcome in your club?
Ladies?
Or they are not welcome in your club?
Ladies?
1
Melania and Ivanka belong to the rival club, where women really don't like men very much. Of course, Trump has tainted their lives, so their distaste for men is understandable.
3
Institutionalized misogyny is a nasty, sneaky part of the national identity, absorbed by its unwitting victims because they have no choice. An international upbringing is one of the few weapons women have against mute acceptance of their second class status in patriarchal societies, such as Trumpland. Please keep speaking out, Paulina. Your perspective is a cool splash of water in this smoggy world.
13
"The more the boys wanted us, the more powerful we became. " Exactly women in a nutshell. Doling out sexual favors and using sex as a weapon to either reward or punish. Somethings never change.
What would happen if man acted like this ? Ever turn down womans sexual demands ? Look out.
What would happen if man acted like this ? Ever turn down womans sexual demands ? Look out.
13
Powerful, Paulina! I will never understand why American women in some states vote for men who have so little respect for them. As you say, in this country the government owns your uterus. Why?
20
Great piece! Right on, Paulina, you rule. We see now in our government how disgusting the treatment of women is, those old white corrupt men telling senators of vast experience to sit down and shut up, while the NY Times has hired more of these sort of men to put women down. You didn't even have to mention any of that, yet managed to convey all of it (though the article has a word error--sexuality--the copy department may want to fix now that they laid iff its staff, probably women). Wish you'd run for office! You're certainly a better role "model" than the not very successful or honest Melania, who seems to be a Slovenian sort of sexist woman who has internalized her low status.
10
If you're disgusted with the government, why, when women voters outnumber men voters, did you elect the current administration?
6
"Women could... bear children...and that made us more powerful than men." Yes. The theme of my soon-to-be-published book WombPower.
4
Loved this. There are so many moving parts. By nature, we are constantly trying to find equilibrium. Who should raise the children and who should run the world? Is it determined by anatomical parts or IQ or something else?
3
Congratulations for fighting the Stockholm Syndrome to which American women are susceptible.
4
Sweden sounds great in comparison to Czechoslovakia, France, and the United States, but it's still a shame women and men are not equal--the women being "rulers of the universe". Perhaps Katharine Hepburn was right when she said, "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
10
And in this country it is worse as a minority woman.
15
1) "Frenchmen ... I’d ... dance my way over to let him know he was a chosen one ... when he didn’t run, he asked how much I charged. ... It wasn’t until I reached the United States, at 18,"
Wait a minute, so how old were you when you were in Paris dancing up to strange men in discos? The age of consent in France is 15, but not if the other person is older than 18. No wonder men fled! They weren't thinking "powerful Swedish woman", they were thinking "jail bait".
2) You write almost entirely from the perspective of sexual attractiveness and sexual power, which is no doubt your experience as a supermodel, but that perspective is skewed, as it were, to the "one percent" of women. Your feminism is as representative as Ivanka Trump's feminism.
3) I do agree with your final point that American women are set up to fail. There are glass ceilings, but also glass cliffs. No doubt a woman will be elected president to clean up Trump's mess, but what a holy mess it's going to be: the climate at its worst, Russia annexing Syria, Oatar bombing Saudi Arabia...
Wait a minute, so how old were you when you were in Paris dancing up to strange men in discos? The age of consent in France is 15, but not if the other person is older than 18. No wonder men fled! They weren't thinking "powerful Swedish woman", they were thinking "jail bait".
2) You write almost entirely from the perspective of sexual attractiveness and sexual power, which is no doubt your experience as a supermodel, but that perspective is skewed, as it were, to the "one percent" of women. Your feminism is as representative as Ivanka Trump's feminism.
3) I do agree with your final point that American women are set up to fail. There are glass ceilings, but also glass cliffs. No doubt a woman will be elected president to clean up Trump's mess, but what a holy mess it's going to be: the climate at its worst, Russia annexing Syria, Oatar bombing Saudi Arabia...
15
God bless you, Ms. Porizkova.
5
Fantastic! As an American woman living in Germany for 40 years, I totally agree with Ms. Porizkova. To this day I could not imagine myself falling in love with a german man for the reasons she cites about french men. The patriarchy is simply too present.Going through life having to use the indefinite pronoun "one", which in German is "mann" (man) does not do wonders for one's self-confidence as a woman. Having said that, one wonders about Angela Merkel's ascent to power, but she is basically asexual, a brilliant woman who is regarded by the volk
as the great mother. And now under the Trump regime, as under Hitler we experience women again being relegated to the home and women's personal contraceptive freedom being curtailed by men.
Perhaps some of the success of Sweden's equality may be attributed to their extraordinary early child care and pre-school systems. Just as America benefited from the exodus of jewish musicians and intellectuals during the third Reich, many of Germany's most progressive education reformers fled to Scandinavia. Their contributions resonates today.
as the great mother. And now under the Trump regime, as under Hitler we experience women again being relegated to the home and women's personal contraceptive freedom being curtailed by men.
Perhaps some of the success of Sweden's equality may be attributed to their extraordinary early child care and pre-school systems. Just as America benefited from the exodus of jewish musicians and intellectuals during the third Reich, many of Germany's most progressive education reformers fled to Scandinavia. Their contributions resonates today.
11
Women are more than half the population and apparently vote in greater numbers and percentages than men. Men apparently in the minority are still blamed for the current political situation of gender inequality even though considering the above, women should hold the greater responsibility. Stop waiting for things to fall in your lap, be the feminists you profess yourselves to be and do something about it. Stop blaming someone else for your problems.
4
Excellent. "In America, a woman's body seemed to belong to everybody but herself." Well said, Ms. Porizkova. As evidenced by this week's committee hearings on healthcare. 13 men, not one woman. Sickening.
22
Paulina Porizkova, with this piece, might make all those dumb model jokes obsolete.
2
Thanks for that. It's interesting how these different cultures deal with sexual tension. Would you say Americans deal with it by pretending it's not there?
3
"In 2012, Sweden had 66 cases of reported rapes per 100,000 population, according to the Swedish National Council for Crime Prevention (Brå).[237] This was unequivocally the biggest number reported to the UNODC in 2012"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics#Sweden
What to make of this? I do not know. Notions of what is rape do differ by culture. But Sweden certainly does not have anything to be proud of.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics#Sweden
What to make of this? I do not know. Notions of what is rape do differ by culture. But Sweden certainly does not have anything to be proud of.
6
Maybe the reason rape reporting is so high is confidence in being taken seriously by the justice system. Do you think there are fewer than 66 rapes per hundred thousand people in the US? Come on...
14
Or perhaps you were prejudiced when considering the data and glossed over the operative word -- "reported. " Empowered women feel confident and not intimidated to REPORT rape more often; ergo, a higher ratio in Sweden. Here, in the U.S., not so much....
12
This has been throughly discussed: try googling "Swedish rape statistics" to get a more nuanced view. Basically, Swedish law count each instance, have a widr definition and also less shaming (leading more women to report). Feel free to read upon this and then then make your argument.
11
Yes!
3
Sweden ranks fourth for gender equality, according to the World Economic forum. France ranks seventeenth.
The US? Forty fifth.
And we've just elected a man who brags about sexually assaulting women and runs beauty pageants, and another who won't meet alone with a woman.
Thanks to Ms Porizkova for reminding us that it can and should be better.
The US? Forty fifth.
And we've just elected a man who brags about sexually assaulting women and runs beauty pageants, and another who won't meet alone with a woman.
Thanks to Ms Porizkova for reminding us that it can and should be better.
35
I want to move to Sweden.
12
Women (and high school girls) are the gatekeepers and choosers in American dating. As long as they're attractive, anyway.
4
Really? And of course dating is all there is to it, right? Even the idea that women have to wait to be asked out is wrong. As the author said, in Sweden she could approach a male. The double standard is alive and well right here in the USA.
2
Wonderful message. Let's all spread a little more Swedish around!
5
"As high school approached, the boys wanted to kiss us and touch us, and the girls became a group of benevolent queens dispensing favors. The more the boys wanted us, the more powerful we became. . . Women could do anything men did, but they could also — when they chose to — bear children. And that made us more powerful than men."
That's the real reason sex for money between consenting adults is still a crime (for men only) in 21st century Sweden. It threatens women's sexual power over men.
That's the real reason sex for money between consenting adults is still a crime (for men only) in 21st century Sweden. It threatens women's sexual power over men.
3
Or because religious fanatics hate nature.
4
Insightful and incisive. Will look for more of Ms. Porizkova's writings.
2
In America we like to think we are fair to all but not even close. We had an accomplished smart talented capable woman run for president but the man who bragged about assaulting women ( and did whenever he got the chance ) and was accused of raping a 13 year old girl won.
We have a long road ahead.
We have a long road ahead.
12
What is killing the marketplace for the respect of women is politics. Democratic Party women are called upon to buy into the flimsiest garbage of a philosophy since the Jonestown murder cult in Guyana.
Women out side of the progressive mind-meld laugh at the hokum these gullible people actually swear they believe.
Until urban women declare their right to make up their own minds, the U.S. is laughed at overseas.
Women out side of the progressive mind-meld laugh at the hokum these gullible people actually swear they believe.
Until urban women declare their right to make up their own minds, the U.S. is laughed at overseas.
5
The US is still struggling to break free from its Puritanical roots. Some organized religions perpetuate this frozen mindset. Women will have to change it ... and we have a long way to go. (Just look at how Hillary Clinton was treated during the campaign. Unconscionable.). Strong American trailblazers women like Margaret Sanger, Bella Abzug, etc., etc. took us to the right road. It is up to us to keep going, as feminists. Thank you Paulina.
10
Excellent. Well written. I think you have a best-selling book in you. Get started. Despite being a supermodel, your impact on the world is about to explode.
7
It would seem that Australia's attitude to women has more in common with Czechoslovakia.
Why on earth would anyone is their right mind settle for being half of a human when there was ANYWHERE on earth they could be whole.
Frankly I'd have gone home to Sweden & taken the American man with me. Or not.
Why on earth would anyone is their right mind settle for being half of a human when there was ANYWHERE on earth they could be whole.
Frankly I'd have gone home to Sweden & taken the American man with me. Or not.
5
Paulina fro President!
As an American expatriate married to French man, your essay rang true.
Viva les femmes!
As an American expatriate married to French man, your essay rang true.
Viva les femmes!
5
All this patriarchal male superiority nonsense has its origin in the institutionally ingrained western religious belief that the supreme deity is a man. And, when the wall is so shaky between church & state, as it is in the U.S., this belief makes it hard for those of us lacking a Y chromosome.
Terrific Opinion article, Paulina.
Terrific Opinion article, Paulina.
15
Oh Paulina! How I've loved you since the 80s!!! I even watched "Her Alibi" just to see YOU!
A curse on Ric Ocasek!!!
Glad you're still as beautiful, intelligent and strong as ever!
IMUA!! (as they say where I live)
A curse on Ric Ocasek!!!
Glad you're still as beautiful, intelligent and strong as ever!
IMUA!! (as they say where I live)
Feminist, masculinist. Ideally we should all be, not "neuter-ists", but person-ists.
2
I once had a male colleague, of Moroccan decent but educated in Paris. I leatnt hard way not look at face while speaking to him, which upsetted him. This ex colleague of mine hated working with women and reporting a woman boss.
Those were hard times for me. I felt I was in under taliban.
Those were hard times for me. I felt I was in under taliban.
7
To me this hits the issue squarely on its head. Truly the Swedes are enlightened!
7
American women still struggle to be the "equal" of men in the workplace, even when we are the "better" staff member. Hillary Clinton is not our president becasue a swath of the American public was uncomfortable voting for a woman, and in DT saw someone more "presidential;" in spite of his lack of experience, his excess of crudeness, and an intellect maybe 25% of hers. But somehow, these people thought he was "the right man for the job." As he himself would say...sad. Great article Paulina-- always thought you were a class act. Keep writing for us!
11
I want to move to Sweden, and for a change, it has nothing to do with POTUS.
You rock, Paulina!
You rock, Paulina!
11
Simple questions I ask women in the west:
Why can't all these feminists since in 50s cannot raise more balanced sons? Especially since they also complain doing the job of raising such sons and daughters?
No answer!
The problem is we are selfish society. We as women do not care about feminisn as as long as we have money!
So we only think of feminism as economy not as nature.
Until American women, the rich ones, raise boys who believe this intristicly that we the same in nature....saying feminist is just a trendy thing to say.
If u r feminist, 70 yrs old, with successful sons who are not changing your culture...you lost me!
Why can't all these feminists since in 50s cannot raise more balanced sons? Especially since they also complain doing the job of raising such sons and daughters?
No answer!
The problem is we are selfish society. We as women do not care about feminisn as as long as we have money!
So we only think of feminism as economy not as nature.
Until American women, the rich ones, raise boys who believe this intristicly that we the same in nature....saying feminist is just a trendy thing to say.
If u r feminist, 70 yrs old, with successful sons who are not changing your culture...you lost me!
7
What message am I supposed to receive when a TV personality purports to be delivering serious and important news, but she is dressed like a doll with not a hair out of place. For an adult male, it is an effort to see past the sexuality of the message carrier.
7
"For an adult male, it is an effort to see past the sexuality of the message carrier."
No. You're describing an ADOLESCENT male.
No. You're describing an ADOLESCENT male.
4
Whatever American women got going today let's not compromise it by dragging them kicking and screaming backwards with stone age religious dogmas.
Women have worked so extremely hard to get where they're at. Devout monotheistic men must not interfere and keep their ideals away from all of us.
Also keep the US government out of women's uterus' too.
Feminists can be men too BTW. Please join and support all of the women in your life in any way possible. We need each other.
Thanks for your words and thoughts Ms. Porizkova.
Women have worked so extremely hard to get where they're at. Devout monotheistic men must not interfere and keep their ideals away from all of us.
Also keep the US government out of women's uterus' too.
Feminists can be men too BTW. Please join and support all of the women in your life in any way possible. We need each other.
Thanks for your words and thoughts Ms. Porizkova.
6
This is the best thing I've read in the times in a long while. Personal, insightful, epiphanal in an unexpected way. Not just another pretty face.
12
I have always known that Sweden has the MOST enlightened real-time, as actually in action and practiced, views of women.
It is a fact that the United States lagged twenty years behind Sweden in the application of women's medicine or gynecological medicinal science. That mean that by 1982, the United States had just begun to apply medical advances already practiced by Sweden's doctors during the early 1960s, regarding human ovarian, uterine, hormone levels and types, and inactive micro-organisms which become pathogenic and later become "sexually transmitted", disease and treatment. This meant that women in the United States were subjected to MALE PRACTICE by the MALE DOMINATED medical community.
I wish I had been raised in Sweden, honestly.
There is a geography or geocode to being free as a woman - free from the bigotry against women for their shape, size, hair color, and "femininity."
The U.S. geocodes for a free of male dominance is sadly very limited.
Stamford, Connecticut is ground zero for all U.S. women when it comes to the success level of women in the U.S.
New York Times; keep up the good focus on women's minds, health, perspectives, and challenges.
It is a fact that the United States lagged twenty years behind Sweden in the application of women's medicine or gynecological medicinal science. That mean that by 1982, the United States had just begun to apply medical advances already practiced by Sweden's doctors during the early 1960s, regarding human ovarian, uterine, hormone levels and types, and inactive micro-organisms which become pathogenic and later become "sexually transmitted", disease and treatment. This meant that women in the United States were subjected to MALE PRACTICE by the MALE DOMINATED medical community.
I wish I had been raised in Sweden, honestly.
There is a geography or geocode to being free as a woman - free from the bigotry against women for their shape, size, hair color, and "femininity."
The U.S. geocodes for a free of male dominance is sadly very limited.
Stamford, Connecticut is ground zero for all U.S. women when it comes to the success level of women in the U.S.
New York Times; keep up the good focus on women's minds, health, perspectives, and challenges.
9
There's apparently a lot of people hoping to "make America great again". Perhaps Paulina could help make that happen.
4
dear Paulina (or Pavla should I say..?)
proud to be from the same country. yours Pavel
proud to be from the same country. yours Pavel
2
Sweden's government of social democrats & environmentalists proudly considers themselves a feminist one, its composition being half men, half women. Recently a Swedish delegation comprising female government members of high rank visited Iran. All of them obediently wearing head scarves. In contrast to Mrs. Trump at her visit in Saudi Arabia. One would have expected them not to abide by the rules set by the conservative male Iranian clergy. To show support for their Iranian sisters' equal rights. Overbearing feminism at home, shameful subordination abroad.
2
One of the things I miss most about no longer living in Sweden is the gender equality there.
7
Best I have read in awhile especially now that Trump is in office.
With women like Paulina, maybe this is why Congress keeps trying to push us down. They would not know how to deal with her.
With women like Paulina, maybe this is why Congress keeps trying to push us down. They would not know how to deal with her.
3
Brilliant.
2
Wow!
2
Now that... that puts the "super" in supermodel! Very nicely done.
8
I want to hear more about male/female culture in Sweden. What is the cultural zeitgeist that enabled the kind of equality Ms. Porizkova describes? It seems like an unreal social paradise.
7
Nothing makes the author's point about American women more than Hillary Clinton. Smart, accomplished, proven, intelligent but she couldn't win no matter what she did; she wasn't liked no matter what she did.... When it looked like she would prevail through a few enlightened men, less than half of white women, the minorities; the haters enlisted the help of our arch enemy, appealed to the hatred that abounded among the losers, the racisists, the xenophobes, the misogynists, and those who feltthey had no worth without an arsonal of guns and elected the most incompetent, the least accomplished, a business failure, a hater, admitted misogynist and admitted fraud. Now our nation and our democracy is in danger.
14
Wrong, as 45 would say. HRC would be nothing without her husband and their family business. When it comes to people like Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, even your own Nebraska senator Debra Fischer, however, I have no idea who their husbands even are.
Therein lay the difference between HRC and true feminism.
Therein lay the difference between HRC and true feminism.
4
Paulina, my question for you is why are you not Swedish?
4
Thank you Paulina. Americans will listen to you. Why? Because you are beautiful. If you weren't, you'd be derided for being a shrill feminist who isn't "getting any". How sad it is to grow up as a woman in this country...never to fulfill her potential. Sadder still to see a brilliant and accomplished woman defeated at the polls in favor of a totally unfit man because of the all-pervasive misogyny that this country reeks of.
18
Are there any pro-Islamic feminists that would like to comment on the below quote from Churchill?
"The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property – either as a child, a wife, or a concubine – must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men."
Are the teachings of Islam in direct violation of the 13th Amendment?
"Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."
"The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property – either as a child, a wife, or a concubine – must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men."
Are the teachings of Islam in direct violation of the 13th Amendment?
"Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction."
4
Blown away.
4
In 1986 I had the Sports illustrated calendar on my wall and worshiped your body, your image. You were my mythical goddess of beauty and the months you graced were the only months I displayed, regardless of the season.
Now your voice enthralls me. I learn and think and feel your power. When I read your name at the end it was a revelatory experience for me. I see my objectification plain. I had now already considered myself enlightened in my liberal complacency, silly boy that I am. Time to wake up. There is still far to go here in America and I have nieces.
Thank you, Paulina. I may be a man, but so what, I will join you,
My name is Gowan McAvity and I am a feminist.
Now your voice enthralls me. I learn and think and feel your power. When I read your name at the end it was a revelatory experience for me. I see my objectification plain. I had now already considered myself enlightened in my liberal complacency, silly boy that I am. Time to wake up. There is still far to go here in America and I have nieces.
Thank you, Paulina. I may be a man, but so what, I will join you,
My name is Gowan McAvity and I am a feminist.
10
Bravo! I will now promptly send this to all my gal pals.
3
Let's all move to Sweden.
2
This is a correct analysis of America, not just for women, but for any "marginalized" group. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson's Irish mobster character in the Departed: No one gives you anything in America. (If you ask, you've already lost.) Instead, if you want something, you just take it.
4
A Feminist will assert her right to be equal no-matter-what. Because that's what it means. It means being EQUAL. We have the freedom and ability to do that in this country despite the social and political obstacles. When we do not assert our equality, we fail ourselves and our society. So much of it comes down to cultural influencing. But Feminism --really-- is cut and dry: the right to full equality under the law. It's not about which 'wave' of feminism we are in, and how it differs from the past. It's not about the way we look, dress or our self image, or topics of subjectivity such as how short a skirt is, or whether we want a career or kids or both. It's about persistently asserting our right to equal treatment under the law. The constitution guarantees it. It's ours. Let's not ever lose sight of that, and continue to pursue it so that what happens in real life matches the ideals of our laws.
6
Unfortunately, the Constitution does not guarantee women equal treatment and status under the law as a basic principle. The Equal Rights Amendment would do just that. So far it has yet to be ratified by the States.
6
I like the honesty of this smart essay. There is however something off in the conclusion. "At least in France women knew their place"? Uncertainty is the trademark of evolution. Ms. Poriskova is correctly identifying the key difference between America and Europe: America is forever changing - while the tendency in Europe is to change and then stand still for a long time- even in Sweden. I, for one, question the power structure in which young women yield power through sex. I know it works marvelously. I was young and pretty once, yet never used it. As someone with intellectual ambition, I found it demeaning As someone looking for true love I thought of it as a corrupting force. (I do not share the view that "it is first lust, then love"). It seems to me that despite the power she, as a woman, yielded in Sweden, Ms. Porizkova is an early apprentice in feminism.
14
Great piece. I have proudly proclaimed my feminist creds, always, even when people tended to view feminists as man-hating harridans. It was awesome when Beyonce proudly spelled out her feminist standing, literally, to her viewing audience. I also love that bumper sticker that reads, "Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."
It is rather unfortunate that we even need to have created that word, but it is apparent that, in the the U.S., a well as so many other countries, women have to point out that they are actually humans, with the same wishes, needs, expectations, limitations and loves as the male of the species. Thank you, Ms. Porizkova, for colorfully bringing more attention to the fact that, in spite of what seems obviously "broken" in this society, we still have a long way to go to address the gender inequality issues that really are detrimental to all humanity.
It is rather unfortunate that we even need to have created that word, but it is apparent that, in the the U.S., a well as so many other countries, women have to point out that they are actually humans, with the same wishes, needs, expectations, limitations and loves as the male of the species. Thank you, Ms. Porizkova, for colorfully bringing more attention to the fact that, in spite of what seems obviously "broken" in this society, we still have a long way to go to address the gender inequality issues that really are detrimental to all humanity.
9
Before leaving Australia, I was unaware that I was racist and sexist. When you grow up with these attitudes it is the norm. It is endemically part of my countries culture partly because of history and part because of geographic isolation. Living in the UK I found I had to fundamentally change attitudes and mostly importantly my language because deep down I admired and like strong independent women so this was easy for me to accept. I have now spent a lot of time in many countries and lastly in Norway and I see a new type of woman who is at another level independence and confidence. Comfortable in her own skin. Living with this it just seems right. I wholly grasp and believe in this way. So in my life I have turned from an unknowing sexist to a strong exponent of female independence as a man. I can 100% see and agree with Paulina now as a citizen of the world and student of cultures. It takes time and exposure for men to see these things and change.
22
I fail to recognize the French version of a woman as described here. Maybe in the modeling and fashion world. But certainly not at large. French women are substantially more interesting in their feminity than that.
9
Just so depressing, my friends and I all could not disagree. Let's not continue to polarize, let's talk about people not gender. The NYT is only making identification politics worse which does not serve anyone. This is just more of what makes the elites further removed from the issues that resonate with Americans in need.
7
By lumping all "groups" together you are diluting the message. Women have unique problems, blacks have unique problems, LGTBs have unique problems. There are times when you must address it in the unique way.
5
Great. Thanks for trying to convey the responsibility of being a feminist. It's hard work and not easy. You are shaping a modern future.
9
Fabulous piece. Spot on.
23
Women are smarter, wiser, kinder and live long than men. They need to unlearn what most of their mothers's taught them and take over the world.
28
Bruce, I so appreciate your opinion that women are "smarter, wiser and kinder" than men. Not to criticize, but try to understand that aggrandizing a category of people by claiming they are all-around better is as alienating as putting them down. As a group, women are no smarter, wiser or kinder than men are. A pedestal is a segregated place. Women want to occupy equal ground, not to be set apart, even by superlatives. The most loving thing you can do is to see each woman as a unique individual with strengths and, yes, weaknesses, who should have the same access to human rights and self-determination as any man who is equally gifted or flawed. Thank you.
17
Placing the blame solely on the mother's shoulder, while excusing the father and our society at large, reeks of misogyny.
1
You mean what their fathers' taught them? ;)
I had hoped and believed that my 20-something children would eventually live in a world that I have now learned from Ms Porizkova quite resembles Sweden, at least with respect to the position of women. I even told my wife that we were progressing into the Century of the Clitoris - a cultural shift to complete recognition of female sexuality and female equality. Joy! This was just months ago, when it still seemed possible that a female president could get elected in this country. What a fool I was. Probably exactly zero of the 63 million Americans who voted for Trump want what I hoped for. I am saddened to suddenly have a clearer view of the long distance we still have to travel.
35
I really doubt that the female that ran in the last election lost because she is female. She had nothing to offer except attacks on Trump....it wasn't enough.
5
Enough with the incessant feminist complaints.
At present, men endure more pain and oppression than women.
A few things to consider:
a) The ratio of male homeless to female homeless persons is about 2 to one.
b) The ration of Male prisoners to female prisoners is about 4 to 1
c) The ratio of male psychotics to female psychotics is about 3 to 1
d) More than 60 percent of college students are female
e) Black women are much, much more able to get a job than black men because white people often fear physical harm from black men
f) 60 percent of personal income is owned by women
g) Male suicides attempts more often result in death than female suicide attempts. But females make more suicide feints to get attention.
h) Testicular cancer is soaring, but it gets almost no attention
i) Schools are anti male and drug boys to suppress motor capacity
Space limitations preclude further discussion.
I despise Donald Trump, but I thoroughly understand how he won.
India, England, Israel and Germany have all elected female leaders. America hasn't. Why? Because American feminists have a stridency that makes men hate them and vote against them.
At present, men endure more pain and oppression than women.
A few things to consider:
a) The ratio of male homeless to female homeless persons is about 2 to one.
b) The ration of Male prisoners to female prisoners is about 4 to 1
c) The ratio of male psychotics to female psychotics is about 3 to 1
d) More than 60 percent of college students are female
e) Black women are much, much more able to get a job than black men because white people often fear physical harm from black men
f) 60 percent of personal income is owned by women
g) Male suicides attempts more often result in death than female suicide attempts. But females make more suicide feints to get attention.
h) Testicular cancer is soaring, but it gets almost no attention
i) Schools are anti male and drug boys to suppress motor capacity
Space limitations preclude further discussion.
I despise Donald Trump, but I thoroughly understand how he won.
India, England, Israel and Germany have all elected female leaders. America hasn't. Why? Because American feminists have a stridency that makes men hate them and vote against them.
24
It's the patriarchal structure and entrenched chauvinism that we live and breath that is the cause of all those grievances and conditions that you describe.
33
You have some points, but the last -- it's not true. Americans will gladly elect a female leader, when a strong candidate comes along -- someone under 65, with experience UNRELATED to her spouse or family name -- experience in her own right. My off-hand guess would be a Senator or Congresswoman who has had military experience.
Hillary was the wrong person, at the wrong time. History is full of such misfire. A woman President WILL come about in our lifetimes.
Hillary was the wrong person, at the wrong time. History is full of such misfire. A woman President WILL come about in our lifetimes.
9
You need to reread the article and then re-examine your own biases.
Men and women in the US are not treated equally. That is a fact. Economically, this hurts women the most. Women with the exact same resume as men are less likely to be granted an interview, judged less competent and offered a 20% lower starting salary. Additionally, social stigma and lack of fair family leave policies leave women doing the majority of housework and childcare, because men are not expected or enabled to do their fair share. This further weakens women's career prospects. That's why most feminists are women -- we can see, in dollar signs, how we are disadvantaged.
Yet, each of the legitimate examples of male "oppression" you listed is also a product of the exact same biases that leave women economically disadvantaged. Expecting men and women to adhere to outdated stereotypes, devaluing so-called "feminine" traits such as cooperation and empathy hurt men as well. The aim of feminism is to help both genders by eliminating inequality between them. If you cared about the examples you listed, you'd also take up the banner of feminism.
On the other hand, if you just want to complain, continue to believe that in a society in which white men hold the vast majority of positions of power you are somehow the only ones oppressed.
Men and women in the US are not treated equally. That is a fact. Economically, this hurts women the most. Women with the exact same resume as men are less likely to be granted an interview, judged less competent and offered a 20% lower starting salary. Additionally, social stigma and lack of fair family leave policies leave women doing the majority of housework and childcare, because men are not expected or enabled to do their fair share. This further weakens women's career prospects. That's why most feminists are women -- we can see, in dollar signs, how we are disadvantaged.
Yet, each of the legitimate examples of male "oppression" you listed is also a product of the exact same biases that leave women economically disadvantaged. Expecting men and women to adhere to outdated stereotypes, devaluing so-called "feminine" traits such as cooperation and empathy hurt men as well. The aim of feminism is to help both genders by eliminating inequality between them. If you cared about the examples you listed, you'd also take up the banner of feminism.
On the other hand, if you just want to complain, continue to believe that in a society in which white men hold the vast majority of positions of power you are somehow the only ones oppressed.
8
" ... the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it."
No joke. Just ask Hillary Clinton.
"I get knocked down/But I get up again
"They're never gonna keep me down"
Sometimes we wonder how much longer we can keep bouncing back. Fortunately, we haven't come to the end of resilience yet.
No joke. Just ask Hillary Clinton.
"I get knocked down/But I get up again
"They're never gonna keep me down"
Sometimes we wonder how much longer we can keep bouncing back. Fortunately, we haven't come to the end of resilience yet.
31
I was disappointed by the lack of intellectual honesty in this article. How can the author extrapolate from her father's attitudes 50 years ago? A bit outdated. Men in lots of western countries at that time were not particularly keen on sweeping the floor or changing diapers. In general, men have come a long way since. Let's be optimistic - more improvement is in the books.
Some comments seem to suggest that DSK was so French! No more so than Richard Ailes was so American! Some men just have a pathological sex drive.
As a French woman who knows the US well, one of the things that strikes me is how many American men either drug women or get them drunk to have sex with them. Doesn't a man's pleasure of giving pleasure to a woman count? The vulgarity of Anglo "sex talk" is also beyond me; does sex have to be dirty?
I find US society far more normative & conforming; far too many things are "expected" from men & women. I love watching American women journalists, often identical dresses & hairstyles, sitting as if they are having tea with the Queen!
In France (& generally speaking), men & women enjoy each other's company. No war of the sexes here. No boys' night out or girls' night out. Men & women, old & young, go out together. And tell me: why do you talk of "boys" and "girls" when you refer to adults? Are the words "men" & "women" too tainted by sexual innuendo?
I love the States but male/female relationships there astound me!
Some comments seem to suggest that DSK was so French! No more so than Richard Ailes was so American! Some men just have a pathological sex drive.
As a French woman who knows the US well, one of the things that strikes me is how many American men either drug women or get them drunk to have sex with them. Doesn't a man's pleasure of giving pleasure to a woman count? The vulgarity of Anglo "sex talk" is also beyond me; does sex have to be dirty?
I find US society far more normative & conforming; far too many things are "expected" from men & women. I love watching American women journalists, often identical dresses & hairstyles, sitting as if they are having tea with the Queen!
In France (& generally speaking), men & women enjoy each other's company. No war of the sexes here. No boys' night out or girls' night out. Men & women, old & young, go out together. And tell me: why do you talk of "boys" and "girls" when you refer to adults? Are the words "men" & "women" too tainted by sexual innuendo?
I love the States but male/female relationships there astound me!
116
I'm French, and I agree with that bit. I also modeled in NYC, and I think she was extrapolating more from her modeling experience than the culture at large.
9
" ... one of the things that strikes me is how many American men either drug women or get them drunk to have sex with them. Doesn't a man's pleasure of giving pleasure to a woman count?"
The woman's pleasure doesn't enter into it with men who engage in this activity. What puzzles me is that many do so in order to brag about their "conquests." Seriously? Aren't they really saying that the only way they can have sex with women is to anesthetize them so they can't get away? What does that say about their sexual prowess? But that interpretation never seems to occur to them--or they deny it so vigorously that it no longer inhibits them.
The woman's pleasure doesn't enter into it with men who engage in this activity. What puzzles me is that many do so in order to brag about their "conquests." Seriously? Aren't they really saying that the only way they can have sex with women is to anesthetize them so they can't get away? What does that say about their sexual prowess? But that interpretation never seems to occur to them--or they deny it so vigorously that it no longer inhibits them.
4
agree with you, i have been leaving in new-york since to year, the only relations i have with American female citizen as when they shout at me because she did seen my bike when the crossed the street on the front of my wheel
1
"the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it' WOW. Thank you, Paulina.
17
I have no other words for this except a very powerful piece. I'm sure the Twitter-verse will soon be filled with males who will deny Paulina's experience because they know her better.
22
An interesting take.. insightful. But, can someone who is worth $10 million from her super-modeling efforts and contributed to the exploitation of women then critique the state of women and call herself a feminist?
13
Yes.
Powerful men can be on the side of other men. Just because she is a powerful, successful woman doesn't make her not a woman, oppressed by a patriarchal, outdated set of notions, same as us.
Powerful men can be on the side of other men. Just because she is a powerful, successful woman doesn't make her not a woman, oppressed by a patriarchal, outdated set of notions, same as us.
17
Yes.
2
Uh, yes, she sure can. And Porizkova possesses a lens that few women get to peer through... power on both ends of the candle (globally experienced).
Happy to have her on board.
Happy to have her on board.
5
I liked this piece but on closer reading it seems like a woman's power in Sweden and in France derives primarily from her sexuality.
- In Sweden, "The more the boys wanted us, the more powerful we became... For a girl to own her sexuality meant she owned her body, she owned herself."
- "In France, women did have power, but a secret one, like a hidden stiletto knife. It was all about manipulation: the sexy vixen luring the man to do her bidding."
This is still a depressing, anti-feminist thought. Is a woman's power derived primarily from a man's desire for her? Does a woman's role in society boil down to her genitalia, "her favors" that she bestows?
As I said, I liked this piece too but am amazed at the breathless praise for the author. Yes, she is a beautiful supermodel -- and wow, look! She can write too! How patronizing.
Women in America have the shame of having to repeatedly tell men that, yes, in fact we do own our own bodies. Like others, I am still reeling from Hillary's loss to a feckless man who is her polar opposite. But I would choose to be an American feminist any day. We are the agents of change.
- In Sweden, "The more the boys wanted us, the more powerful we became... For a girl to own her sexuality meant she owned her body, she owned herself."
- "In France, women did have power, but a secret one, like a hidden stiletto knife. It was all about manipulation: the sexy vixen luring the man to do her bidding."
This is still a depressing, anti-feminist thought. Is a woman's power derived primarily from a man's desire for her? Does a woman's role in society boil down to her genitalia, "her favors" that she bestows?
As I said, I liked this piece too but am amazed at the breathless praise for the author. Yes, she is a beautiful supermodel -- and wow, look! She can write too! How patronizing.
Women in America have the shame of having to repeatedly tell men that, yes, in fact we do own our own bodies. Like others, I am still reeling from Hillary's loss to a feckless man who is her polar opposite. But I would choose to be an American feminist any day. We are the agents of change.
23
Hillary lost because she sold out to the hawks, vultures and wolves.
2
"... it seems like a woman's power in Sweden and in France derives primarily from her sexuality."
I noticed this too. This kind of power is still derivative of men. When I feel powerful in my life it really has nothing to do with men, other than that they are human beings I interact with who happen to be male; or about sex, or men's sexual thoughts about me.
I noticed this too. This kind of power is still derivative of men. When I feel powerful in my life it really has nothing to do with men, other than that they are human beings I interact with who happen to be male; or about sex, or men's sexual thoughts about me.
3
Thank you and nicely done. I suspect you could write a book that I would like to read on the matter. My life and self assessment as a woman born and raised in America has been full of mixed messages, of finding my own strength as a human equal in value and worthiness as any other. Your summary of your personal worldly experiences as "woman" was interesting, enlightening and useful to my ongoing efforts to understand "feminist" and why the idea has been useful to me in most of my 64 years of my rich and good life in America, in the world.
5
As an American male married to a Swedish woman, I can say that Paulina's description Swedish women's self image are accurate. I remember an American friend of my wife, seeing me ironing my clothes, remarking how "well trained I was". My wife didn't understand the joke. On the other hand, I still had to do all the dirty jobs and she cooked the meals.
7
You bring up an interesting point. In the traditional division of labor (pre-feminism), women cooked and cleaned and raised kids -- but MEN went out to often dirty, dangerous jobs for long hours (think: coal mining) -- and MEN did the heavy yard work, fixed stuff, worked on cars, carried out rubbish and killed spiders in the bathroom.
Now...I am all for men doing housework and raising children. But how about women? Did we step it up? are we fixing cars now? Are we doing heavy labor, building stuff, yardwork, killing spiders? do we do dirty, dangerous jobs -- or just work in clean air conditioned offices?
Doesn't it go BOTH WAYS?
Now...I am all for men doing housework and raising children. But how about women? Did we step it up? are we fixing cars now? Are we doing heavy labor, building stuff, yardwork, killing spiders? do we do dirty, dangerous jobs -- or just work in clean air conditioned offices?
Doesn't it go BOTH WAYS?
3
To Concerned Citizen: "Doesn't it go both ways?"
Yes. The service technician who just performed a major repair on my car was a young woman maybe mid twenties. I do minor maintenance on it as well. I just pressure washed the entire house, cleaned the windows, started on the gutters, patched carpenter bee/woodpecker damage, paint, lay tile, and do all of the yardwork. I am the unpaid exterminator of uninvited pests - spiders, mice, hornets, ants, etc. Also do the vast majority of laundry, cooking, cleaning. Yes I have a husband. He does not excel at any of these things, is dangerous with power tools, and mostly a nuisance in the kitchen. I am 63 yrs. old, 5'6', weight 121 pounds and am retired from real work in an air conditioned office (pharma), followed by real estate to stay busy. What else 'ya got?
Yes. The service technician who just performed a major repair on my car was a young woman maybe mid twenties. I do minor maintenance on it as well. I just pressure washed the entire house, cleaned the windows, started on the gutters, patched carpenter bee/woodpecker damage, paint, lay tile, and do all of the yardwork. I am the unpaid exterminator of uninvited pests - spiders, mice, hornets, ants, etc. Also do the vast majority of laundry, cooking, cleaning. Yes I have a husband. He does not excel at any of these things, is dangerous with power tools, and mostly a nuisance in the kitchen. I am 63 yrs. old, 5'6', weight 121 pounds and am retired from real work in an air conditioned office (pharma), followed by real estate to stay busy. What else 'ya got?
9
Simply, a joy to read. Knowing oursrf is half the battle for men, or women.
3
Dear Paulina, I am much older than you, and thought for a while in America, we were starting to achieve what Sweden has obviously achieved today for women. However, after burning my bra centuries ago (bra burning for me never happened, I was so flat chested) and charging into a man's world rather successfully the world was actually kind of nice. Surreal, but nice.
Today, I can not believe I am again fighting for the absolute right to make decisions about my body. In the 70's I could not get a bank loan, even though I had my own money to back that loan without a MALE consignee.
I could go on and on with the progress women have made, but I firmly believe, for whatever reason Republicans wish to reverse all of that. They wish the right to make decisions over OUR bodies. Allow corporations dictate whether we can use BC, or include it in our healthcare programs.
I am proud as heck to have you join us feminists.
Sincerely,
EmmaLib, feminist
Today, I can not believe I am again fighting for the absolute right to make decisions about my body. In the 70's I could not get a bank loan, even though I had my own money to back that loan without a MALE consignee.
I could go on and on with the progress women have made, but I firmly believe, for whatever reason Republicans wish to reverse all of that. They wish the right to make decisions over OUR bodies. Allow corporations dictate whether we can use BC, or include it in our healthcare programs.
I am proud as heck to have you join us feminists.
Sincerely,
EmmaLib, feminist
19
I wonder what her post-supermodel experience would be in Sweden and France. I'm pretty sure supermodels get treated pretty well in the US as well.
Do feminists blame women for any of the attitudes she cites? Slut shaming is a device primarily used by women against women for instance. American women's attitudes about sex are surely not the same as French or Swedish women. Men's attitudes about sex are shaped by women's, and vice versa.
Do feminists blame women for any of the attitudes she cites? Slut shaming is a device primarily used by women against women for instance. American women's attitudes about sex are surely not the same as French or Swedish women. Men's attitudes about sex are shaped by women's, and vice versa.
6
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I hope that the US will move in the direction of Sweden, butt then, I'm not holding my breath.
7
I've always thought that physical power plays a significant roll in gender relations. Until the age of 13 or so, girls are often taller and more physically mature than the boys. In response to an intellectually capable girl, the immature boys will resort to insults (e.g., your chest is too small, your butt is too big). The little boys may turn into physically mature men, but the men who can't compete intellectually with intelligent, capable women still resort to name-calling (e.g., she's a slut) and/or physical violence (i.e., I can't out-think you, but I can beat you up). Male sports reinforce and even glorify the idea that physical violence trumps (pun intended) intelligence. It's heart-breaking to see smart, capable girls and women 'broken' by the men around them and to watch the light of self-confidence go out of their eyes. It happens every day, all over the world.
17
From roughly 9 yrs old when puberty starts, until around 14, girls mature earlier. They shoot up in height, put on weight, get sexual characteristics (breasts, menstruation) and the boys in the same class look less mature.
This all starts changing early in high school, as the boys -- on a slower, but sure path -- shoot up in height and put on weight & muscle. Their voices deepen also.
So girls go from being equal to boys, as children in size & maturity -- to having a huge advantage for about 4 years -- to being in the end, shorter & slighter than men. Surely this affects how they feel and how men feel.
However....what really sets girls back (and here, I must pause again and recommend the landmark book, "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Pipher, who studied this for years) is that by age 12 or so, they begin to be judged on their physical beauty.
If they have it -- and here, Ms. Porizkova is like the Powerball SuperLotto winner of all time -- then they are desired, and treated well by men who want their attention and sexuality. If they DO NOT HAVE IT -- as the vast majority of women are NOT beautiful supermodels -- they are treated as expendable, uninteresting, "fugly" and often mocked or put down. The fear of this sort of dismissal -- of not being good enough. of not gaining the "male gaze" or being desired" -- turns proud, happy 11 year old girls into withdrawn, depressed, anxious teenagers who judge themselves against advertising, Facebook, fashion magazines, selfies, etc.
This all starts changing early in high school, as the boys -- on a slower, but sure path -- shoot up in height and put on weight & muscle. Their voices deepen also.
So girls go from being equal to boys, as children in size & maturity -- to having a huge advantage for about 4 years -- to being in the end, shorter & slighter than men. Surely this affects how they feel and how men feel.
However....what really sets girls back (and here, I must pause again and recommend the landmark book, "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Pipher, who studied this for years) is that by age 12 or so, they begin to be judged on their physical beauty.
If they have it -- and here, Ms. Porizkova is like the Powerball SuperLotto winner of all time -- then they are desired, and treated well by men who want their attention and sexuality. If they DO NOT HAVE IT -- as the vast majority of women are NOT beautiful supermodels -- they are treated as expendable, uninteresting, "fugly" and often mocked or put down. The fear of this sort of dismissal -- of not being good enough. of not gaining the "male gaze" or being desired" -- turns proud, happy 11 year old girls into withdrawn, depressed, anxious teenagers who judge themselves against advertising, Facebook, fashion magazines, selfies, etc.
3
So long as there's a religious right in America, there will need to be a militant feminist movement. These folks are not advocating for their own religious freedom; they are trying to control others, particularly women and their threatening sexuality.
27
This is the best opinion piece I read in years in the New York Times!
Thank you.
7
A tolerable feminist.
Not only do the Swedes have 480 days of 80% paid maternal/paternal leave (with an 180 day bonus for twins), 5 weeks of vacation!!!, free pre-school in addition to elementary and high school, and are welcoming to immigrants, they also have Swedish woman power!!!!! Congresswomen Alert: please go to Sweden and learn how they do things. Everything!!!
16
They also have double our unemployment rate -- pay 65% income taxes -- and a 28% VAT on every purchase.
Want those things? Then you have to pay those taxes -- and convince the majority of Americans to pay those taxes. Good luck.
BTW: they are generous to REFUGEES, but have relatively few immigrants. Just try to immigrate to Sweden! hahaha!
Want those things? Then you have to pay those taxes -- and convince the majority of Americans to pay those taxes. Good luck.
BTW: they are generous to REFUGEES, but have relatively few immigrants. Just try to immigrate to Sweden! hahaha!
2
Relentless articles on feminism (almost 10 in the last week): so, YES; it does reek of insecurity.
Men are the overwhelming number of homeless, addicted, suicidal, alcoholic. Feminists whine about a war on women.
Men's health needs are underfunded by a factor of 10.
Feminists whine about a war on women.
Boys are failing in schools.
Feminists whine about a war on women.
Western women are the most privileged and self-indulgent people in history and refuse to dismount the pedestal of privilege while recollecting anecdotal evidence of minor injustices of the past. Meanwhile, men are 90% of civil workplace fatalities and feminists whine about a gender wage gap.
And they lie about campus rape statistics.
Masculinity build civilization for women: its art, music, engineering, science, physics, math -- almost all male. Yet feminists continue to whine and lie about "toxic masculinity" freely juxtaposing those words while abhorring "radical Islam" -- hypocritical much?
The past is the past. Feminists whine about a patriarchy and suffered relatively little from it (but exaggerated it and ignore what was done for women).
Masculinity is beautiful and smart. Femininity is beautiful and smart. Feminism is toxic.
Get over yourselves, feminists: you have contributed little in comparison to women and hardly anything in comparison to the sacrifices of men: you whine about cracks in a glass ceiling and ignore the basement in Arlington that resulted from making your "pedestal."
Men are the overwhelming number of homeless, addicted, suicidal, alcoholic. Feminists whine about a war on women.
Men's health needs are underfunded by a factor of 10.
Feminists whine about a war on women.
Boys are failing in schools.
Feminists whine about a war on women.
Western women are the most privileged and self-indulgent people in history and refuse to dismount the pedestal of privilege while recollecting anecdotal evidence of minor injustices of the past. Meanwhile, men are 90% of civil workplace fatalities and feminists whine about a gender wage gap.
And they lie about campus rape statistics.
Masculinity build civilization for women: its art, music, engineering, science, physics, math -- almost all male. Yet feminists continue to whine and lie about "toxic masculinity" freely juxtaposing those words while abhorring "radical Islam" -- hypocritical much?
The past is the past. Feminists whine about a patriarchy and suffered relatively little from it (but exaggerated it and ignore what was done for women).
Masculinity is beautiful and smart. Femininity is beautiful and smart. Feminism is toxic.
Get over yourselves, feminists: you have contributed little in comparison to women and hardly anything in comparison to the sacrifices of men: you whine about cracks in a glass ceiling and ignore the basement in Arlington that resulted from making your "pedestal."
48
Dear JT in Norway,
I think all the points you made about problems and disadvantages of being a man are very valid. There are indeed many ways men suffer because of gender expectations and we should work to reduce male fatalities in war, work accidents that affect males disproportionately, etc.
But let's not make this into a competition of who suffers most. We can acknowledge the particular disadvantages of each gender without having to accuse each other of whining and making up problems that don't exist. Whatever you want to call it--feminism, something else, or nothing at all--let's listen to each other and work together to solve the problems. Welcome to the struggle.
I think all the points you made about problems and disadvantages of being a man are very valid. There are indeed many ways men suffer because of gender expectations and we should work to reduce male fatalities in war, work accidents that affect males disproportionately, etc.
But let's not make this into a competition of who suffers most. We can acknowledge the particular disadvantages of each gender without having to accuse each other of whining and making up problems that don't exist. Whatever you want to call it--feminism, something else, or nothing at all--let's listen to each other and work together to solve the problems. Welcome to the struggle.
4
Norway you rock!!!!
1
Feminists contribute little? Gosh I'm surprised at your comment ... coming from Scandinavia. Speaking as a American I can give you a few names and if you, male or female, bother to look them up you'll be grateful for their work.
Susan B. Anthony
Margaret Sanger
Simone de Beauvoir
Bella Abzug
Gloria Steinem
Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Abigail Adams
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Mary Wollstonecraft
Maya Angelou
Etc...................
Susan B. Anthony
Margaret Sanger
Simone de Beauvoir
Bella Abzug
Gloria Steinem
Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Abigail Adams
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Mary Wollstonecraft
Maya Angelou
Etc...................
One great point in America's favor is the realization by many women that if any male abuses her it is definitely an issue, no questions asked, especially if some rich male kingpin in society is caught flagrante delicto. In short, it can easily become a public issue, and however high up on the totem pole the abuser is, he is often widely denigrated, as was the case with a recently deceased Fox executive; and this week, we are witness to the ongoing trial of a frail and aged Bill Cosby, a career in ruins, currently on the stand, forced at last to explain himself.
1
Huh! In the U.S., even if he recorded boasting of his ability to grab women's genitalia, the abuser still gets elected POTUS.
2
Now I know where I will move after Brexit and whatever mess the government can cook up has tanked the British economy even further than where it is now.
Sweden, sorry but another immigrant is headed your way.
Sweden, sorry but another immigrant is headed your way.
9
Thats a well written essay. Let me ask you - if America is such an oppressive horrible place to be a woman why not just move back to Sweden? The more I hear about Scandinavian culture, government, lifestyle, etc -- it seems like a utopian paradise on earth. Should we all claim refugee status from American oppression and move to Sweden?
6
Except that this paradise is in the process of being unraveled by Muslim males, unschooled and unwilling to be schooled in the enlightened ways of the kingdom. Take a look at the birthrates.
2
Interesting, thank you.
Sing it, sister.
Drivel. In place of thought, research or facts, Ms. Porizkova trades in stereotypes. She adds them all up and triumphantly concludes "I am a feminist." And Times readers applaud. How empty and sad.
9
Not all personal essays - in fact, very few - contain or even should contain objective facts gleaned from the research you apparently yearn for. Porizkova presents the facts of her life as she experienced them. She's clearly not out to "prove" the accuracy of her experience. She's giving testimony, not research. I think you'll find, if you read more of the comments, that many other readers related what she has so deftly recounted. That's what a personal essay can do -- bring a nod of appreciation, a smile of shared recognition, an acknowledgment of shared humanity.
15
My god! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I knew I was living in some strange Neanderthal country and that "there is a place elsewhere."
I've been thinking "Canada," but perhaps it would be better to learn Swedish and seek out real, intelligent civilization.
I've been thinking "Canada," but perhaps it would be better to learn Swedish and seek out real, intelligent civilization.
7
Brava, Paulina
Brilliant. Thank you.
2
Well said.
2
Love it. I haven't figured out why many American women deny the word feminist as if it is strident or unfeminine. If you are a woman, than you should be rooting for yourself and others to have equality in all opportunities in life.
10
60%+ of four-year college degrees are earned by women. Women have broken every glass ceiling except for the presidency, which will happen when the correct woman comes along. Woman in the United States can be whatever they want to be. Stop telling your daughters how horrible and sexist the US is because that will get into their heads, and they will use it to explain away any failures in their lives.
2
Trust me on this: the first woman President will be a Republican. The GOP isn't stupid. They saw how popular Sarah Palin was, and Palin was a moron. Now imagine a candidate as attractive and personable as Palin -- but whip smart, with a degree, a lawyer, a Senator or Congresswoman with perhaps has military experience in Afghanistan or Iraq.
Such a candidate would be unbeatable.
Such a candidate would be unbeatable.
1
Our current government has made me a feminist.
11
Thank you for this beautifully written piece. Your travels have given you a clear perspective on what American women perceive, what I have experienced, but haven't been able to articulate. Your writing and observations are inspiring.
6
Very insightful.
4
America has a lot to answer for.
2
I'm moving to Sweden.
4
Perfect. THANK YOU (from a man)!
1
Me too!
Now I have Swedish envy.
6
In whose lifetime will feminism become unnecessary in the United States of America?
2
Ah, Sweden, a country that actually highlights (brags?) on its official government gender equality websites that boys are more likely to drop out of school and less likely to obtain college degrees.
What a country!
What a country!
2
Getting away from our awful political system and its current leader is not the only reason I think I'd like to emigrate to Sweden.
3
Bravo, Paulina
1
Nicely done. And, yes, we must be feminists.
1
Can I sign up for feminism as a man? It's Sunday morning and I am preparing our grocery list for the week and headed to the market which is something I have done for 30 years. I cook every dinner. I work 65 hours a week not including the weekly 15 hours of commute time. I am the handyman around the house and the care taker of the cars. I could on but I have to cook breakfast for the kids.
I grew up in the same type of house with a father who did the same things so my mother could complete her Masters and concentrate on her high paying job.
Years ago, when I divorced my first wife the court awarded her the kids, the house and most of the money. She was caught cheating with our neighbor multiple times but I made more money and I was man so I was the loser so pardon me if I don't share your views.
I grew up in the same type of house with a father who did the same things so my mother could complete her Masters and concentrate on her high paying job.
Years ago, when I divorced my first wife the court awarded her the kids, the house and most of the money. She was caught cheating with our neighbor multiple times but I made more money and I was man so I was the loser so pardon me if I don't share your views.
8
As a longtime feminist, from the start and through the long period of its unpopularity among women (!), I am glad to see it come back and remind us that the work of female equality is not done in the U.S.
But as with racial justice, the goal is to treat each other as human beings, not just individuals defined by our gender or race.
So equality is a goal for both men and women and everyone else, however they choose to define themselves.
The Equal Rights Amendment needs to be passed for the sake of us all. It is the 21st century! It's not about identity politics. Forget that. All of us need to worry about the planet, peace, health care, opportunity, etc.
But as with racial justice, the goal is to treat each other as human beings, not just individuals defined by our gender or race.
So equality is a goal for both men and women and everyone else, however they choose to define themselves.
The Equal Rights Amendment needs to be passed for the sake of us all. It is the 21st century! It's not about identity politics. Forget that. All of us need to worry about the planet, peace, health care, opportunity, etc.
1
You sound like an incredible partner and parent. The sentence "but I made more money" sums up one of US society's biggest inequities between the genders, in fairness. Women generally earn less for the same work, no maternity leave in the US etc. Therein lies one of the glaring problems here.
2
America is, above all, a nation of individualists. In the relations between the sexes, it is the same. There are no nationally agreed-upon or accepted cultural approaches to fall back on, such as these old established cultures in Europe -- everyone has to fend for themselves. Every individual has to fight their fight anew. There is no collectivity in the national consciousness, as much as we all try. At the end of the day, each fight is an individual's fight to win or lose. This makes quasi god-like figures of celebrities -- who all have some story of struggle and tale of overcoming adversity -- but drudging drones of all the rest of us.
Hopefully as children turn into young adults, and then full adults, they realize that the childish fantasy that "you can be anything you want" is just that -- a fantasy. And that's true whether you are a man or a woman.
Hopefully as children turn into young adults, and then full adults, they realize that the childish fantasy that "you can be anything you want" is just that -- a fantasy. And that's true whether you are a man or a woman.
6
A good read - thank you!
Anecdotes and stereotypes. Pleasant enough writing, far from the truth.
3
The question remains:
Why cannot American feminist women raise feminist sons?
Because in US, feminist is economy movement not natural. We only look at it from the perspective of money and wealth and when some women start to make money though struggling socially to be naturally equal to men in the boardroom or politics etc, they forgot feminism when they got to the top and do not care if their kids keep up the movement because again - they made it!
It = economy for the self!
It makes no sense why American women who can truly be whatever they want....simply are not producing feminist sons since the day of suffrage.
Not sure why my last comment was not approved.
Why cannot American feminist women raise feminist sons?
Because in US, feminist is economy movement not natural. We only look at it from the perspective of money and wealth and when some women start to make money though struggling socially to be naturally equal to men in the boardroom or politics etc, they forgot feminism when they got to the top and do not care if their kids keep up the movement because again - they made it!
It = economy for the self!
It makes no sense why American women who can truly be whatever they want....simply are not producing feminist sons since the day of suffrage.
Not sure why my last comment was not approved.
3
With respect, if this author felt Sweden was so utopian, why did she move to the US?
1
Welcome! Not let's get to work! ;)
"In Sweden women are rulers of the universe." Really? Well then, why has there never been a woman prime minister of Sweden?
2
BTW: who is the Prime Minister of Sweden?
Yeah, I thought so. Nobody knows (unless you googled it just now).
Because Sweden is a tiny, powerless, unimportant nation in a remote snowy region that is dark for half the year.
The US is 35 times the size the Sweden. Comparing the two nations is ridiculous.
Yeah, I thought so. Nobody knows (unless you googled it just now).
Because Sweden is a tiny, powerless, unimportant nation in a remote snowy region that is dark for half the year.
The US is 35 times the size the Sweden. Comparing the two nations is ridiculous.
Great essay!
Great piece! Good for you Paulina. Feminist is a great thing to be! American women do indeed seem to be ashamed of strength and freedom. They shouldn't be. Men will one day realize it frees them also.
1
I'm going to pull out and share this piece with every young woman and man who asks me why I identify as a feminist.
16
Thank you! That was beautifully written and really fascinating. "Feminism: just another word for equality."
Remember, Paulina is writing about cultural bias with personal examples. Some of us will be fortunate enough, as I am, to have many strong female role models, but that doesn't mean our society is free of sexism. Just look at what happened to Kamala Harris last week.
Remember, Paulina is writing about cultural bias with personal examples. Some of us will be fortunate enough, as I am, to have many strong female role models, but that doesn't mean our society is free of sexism. Just look at what happened to Kamala Harris last week.
16
It would be nice to get evidence for some of these statements on the status of American women. "Knocked down the moment she proves it"? "A career woman (at a fraction of the pay)"
What's Porizkova talking about?
In America, if a man looks at you cross-eyed at work, you can get him fired! In America, if your husband doesn't wash the dishes, you can take the kids and his pay. In America, most college students are women and if you dare say you're not on board with Third Wave "feminism" you could lose your job.
I'm just a few years older than this author, came of age post "women's liberation" and have no children thanks to this social engineering/confusion. I know far too many women who are not single by choice, and married to jobs that make them feel like slaves just as much as taking care of a house and kids would have. This emerging gynocentric feelings-driven culture, also an effect of feminism, makes me long for the patriarchy, which wasn't REALLY fair to men either -- my father slogged off to a job, handing over his paycheck to my mother, who sat around the house reading and making things all day.
In the 70's, I thought "feminism" meant being out in the world and taking your punches, like a man. I didn't think it meant remaking the world into a "safe space" where my feelings would never get hurt.
I am not a feminist. And while this essay is interesting, it's not good without support for the assertions it makes.
What's Porizkova talking about?
In America, if a man looks at you cross-eyed at work, you can get him fired! In America, if your husband doesn't wash the dishes, you can take the kids and his pay. In America, most college students are women and if you dare say you're not on board with Third Wave "feminism" you could lose your job.
I'm just a few years older than this author, came of age post "women's liberation" and have no children thanks to this social engineering/confusion. I know far too many women who are not single by choice, and married to jobs that make them feel like slaves just as much as taking care of a house and kids would have. This emerging gynocentric feelings-driven culture, also an effect of feminism, makes me long for the patriarchy, which wasn't REALLY fair to men either -- my father slogged off to a job, handing over his paycheck to my mother, who sat around the house reading and making things all day.
In the 70's, I thought "feminism" meant being out in the world and taking your punches, like a man. I didn't think it meant remaking the world into a "safe space" where my feelings would never get hurt.
I am not a feminist. And while this essay is interesting, it's not good without support for the assertions it makes.
9
So glad you clarified that you are not a feminist. I believe feminism has a lot to learn about gender from the trans community.
3
I was a gay male feminist for 30 years, and I still believe passionately in equal treatment of the sexes. When I discovered the lies used to push myths like rape culture and the wage gap, the consistent denial regarding the existence and seriousness of men's issues, and the raging resentment toward men that fuels feminists' indifference towards them, I was bewildered and angry. True progressives are slowly but surely getting wise to this warped version of gender traditionalism we call feminism.
3
@Coralee, the trans community has no dog in this fight. Let us handle it. We XX chromosome people if you like. Gender is a social construction defining appropriate roles and behaviors for the sexes. It is not helpful for any of us to be defined and named by others. So I would hope you would offer XX chromosome people that same respect. To name ourselves and to claim our spaces.
2
Such a powerful message....I appreciate the gesture. I grew up much like millions of other young girls, pouring over images of women like Poriizkova and other supermodels. Im happy for Paulina...she saw the light- But then again, now that her modeling career is long behind her...maybe this seems trite. National identity doesn't seem to be the issue ....did she not make a name for herself objectifying women? Allowing herself to be objectified? The exact thing she now decries.
7
I think her story is an excellent example of why and how being beautiful and sharing your beauty is non-aggressive.
What would have impressed me is if Porizkova make enough money by 25, to walk away from modeling entirely -- go to college -- get a degree -- and had spent the last 25 years working at a profession, perhaps helping the poor or medicine or science.
Sorry, but I am not impressed by the words of a rich woman who made all her money and fame off of her genetically endowed "good looks" and nothing else whatsoever.
Sorry, but I am not impressed by the words of a rich woman who made all her money and fame off of her genetically endowed "good looks" and nothing else whatsoever.
3
53 percent of white women voted for Trump. In fact, white women have always voted for the GOP candidate in every presidential election since 1968 (Bill Clinton was the exception in 1996). All that despite the republicans' blatant, religion-fueled misogyny.
Trump would've never won even a primary in most advanced countries, that's for sure. But most white women in America embraced him.
So, yes, (white) American women don't seem to have a problem with misogynistic patriarchy. You shouldn't be surprised at this.
Trump would've never won even a primary in most advanced countries, that's for sure. But most white women in America embraced him.
So, yes, (white) American women don't seem to have a problem with misogynistic patriarchy. You shouldn't be surprised at this.
12
If 53% of white women voted for Trump, that means that 47% didn't. That's a rather large percentage of folks you are completely ignoring, in speaking of "white women" as a category. Dump the quick categorizations, please. It's killing our politics. Bring nuance back.
2
It's called Stockholm Syndrome, where you love your attacker.
It is pitiful that so many women failed to support Hillary. That is one of the reasons why we still need feminism.
It is pitiful that so many women failed to support Hillary. That is one of the reasons why we still need feminism.
2
Will this country ever grow up? Not until we interrogate our past and present honestly. How to make that happen? A lot of effort. A great deal of money. But point well taken. Henry James offered up Daisy but she was pointlessly tragic.
3
This article makes me want to move to Sweden, where my equality with men will be acknowledged and applauded.
12
As a European male, a brother of three sisters and a father of two daughters and a son, I can only wholeheartedly support this piece. I have lived in many different countries including the US and can only concur that what Pauline has experienced is true. US society does indeed provide chances to women and a number of women have made it to the top. But just look at how they are approached by the (social) media. The invective is never far from the surface and a woman's looks are always referred to whilst those of a man are irrelevant, as they ought to be. It appears that a number of the American male commentators below are in denial. You should not be, as a family our experience of International schools is considerable and I can tell you that invariably as boys enter their young teenage years and start showing an interest in girls it is more often than not the American boys who cause issues with regards to their behaviour towards girls, especially in the language they use to describe girls. Further I grew up in Amsterdam, for many conservative Americans the Sodom and Gomorra of Europe in terms of its attitudes towards sex and drugs. The funny thing is, the first time I was taken to a strip club in a work context was in the US by mostly giggling, goggle eyed men behaving pretty immaturely. Are there challenges for women on the European continent, sure but I much rather bring my daughters up here than in the US where chances are they would be seen and treated as objects.
27
Thank you, Paulina, for an interesting and important morning read.
I was glad to see that the NYT didn't feel the need to title your article: American Made Me a Feminist by the Wife of the Great Ric Ocasek.
You and Ric both rock.
I was glad to see that the NYT didn't feel the need to title your article: American Made Me a Feminist by the Wife of the Great Ric Ocasek.
You and Ric both rock.
7
"....the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it."
Paulina, this statement (unfortunately? fortunately?) reasonates so deeply in my lived experience. I have never lived anywhere else but the US. I am an increasingly visible rising star in a male-dominated profession, and feel simultaneously highly valued and hyper-criticized. I have learned to be vigilant about what I say, do, and wear for fear that my tone or "look" become the topic of conversation beyond my words or decisions. I am "knocked down" on a micro and macro level on a daily basis, most often by well meaning people who don't know how condescending or sexist they sound...there is a lot of work to do.
Paulina, this statement (unfortunately? fortunately?) reasonates so deeply in my lived experience. I have never lived anywhere else but the US. I am an increasingly visible rising star in a male-dominated profession, and feel simultaneously highly valued and hyper-criticized. I have learned to be vigilant about what I say, do, and wear for fear that my tone or "look" become the topic of conversation beyond my words or decisions. I am "knocked down" on a micro and macro level on a daily basis, most often by well meaning people who don't know how condescending or sexist they sound...there is a lot of work to do.
22
Clergywoman - amen. I used to be an engineer. Then I went to a job interview, and was told, "You have exactly the qualifications we are looking for, and we know you could do this job really well. But, the people who would work for you (mostly middle-aged men) would not want to work for [an attractive woman]." (Did they know? I think the middle-aged men would have like working for me, since I would have made them feel their contributions were important, as I had done in my previous job.)
So, now I do something else. But, I know one of the reasons that there are too few women in Science Technology Engineering and Mathematics (STEM).
So, now I do something else. But, I know one of the reasons that there are too few women in Science Technology Engineering and Mathematics (STEM).
3
". . . and then dance my way over to let him know he was a chosen one. . ."
". . . and the girls became a group of benevolent queens dispensing favors. The more the boys wanted us, the more powerful we became. When a girl chose to bestow her favors, the lucky boy was envied and celebrated. . . ."
I do understand the desire for equality that Ms. Porizkova seems to be reaching for. That said, I find parts of this essay disturbing. It seems that for Ms. Porizkova, sex and female sexuality are tools of domination to be wielded to subjugate men who are rendered immobile under the thrall of her private parts. Sex is wonderful, good and healthy and we should all have a great and healthy appreciation for it but what is being described here is a form of manipulation. The slippage between her former line of work and the position she advocates in this piece can't be escaped. What does it mean to use the body and one's sexuality to manipulate those whose gaze is fixed on you? The homology between the two is telling.
While I do want women to feel every single bit the equal of men, the way this is written it seems that her ideal situation would be to "flip the script" in order to subjugate men with her sexuality. I am not sure if that is feminism. Or to be more precise, I am SURE that that is not MY feminism. Sex and sexuality is something to be shared between people not a weapon used to enthrall. That isn't even powerful in my book. It sounds like something a man would do.
". . . and the girls became a group of benevolent queens dispensing favors. The more the boys wanted us, the more powerful we became. When a girl chose to bestow her favors, the lucky boy was envied and celebrated. . . ."
I do understand the desire for equality that Ms. Porizkova seems to be reaching for. That said, I find parts of this essay disturbing. It seems that for Ms. Porizkova, sex and female sexuality are tools of domination to be wielded to subjugate men who are rendered immobile under the thrall of her private parts. Sex is wonderful, good and healthy and we should all have a great and healthy appreciation for it but what is being described here is a form of manipulation. The slippage between her former line of work and the position she advocates in this piece can't be escaped. What does it mean to use the body and one's sexuality to manipulate those whose gaze is fixed on you? The homology between the two is telling.
While I do want women to feel every single bit the equal of men, the way this is written it seems that her ideal situation would be to "flip the script" in order to subjugate men with her sexuality. I am not sure if that is feminism. Or to be more precise, I am SURE that that is not MY feminism. Sex and sexuality is something to be shared between people not a weapon used to enthrall. That isn't even powerful in my book. It sounds like something a man would do.
9
What Ms. Porizkova describes is what SHE -- an exceptionally beautiful woman, whose beauty was so remarkable she reaches the stratospheric heights of supermodel -- experienced as a young woman. OF COURSE with her incredible looks, men were desirous of her, and this gave her incredible power. OF COURSE the "lucky men" she choose were envied and celebrated -- they got one of the most beautiful women in the world!
But what she doesn't and can't know is how it is for the other 99.999% of us -- who are NOT beautiful and perfect looking, and who are NOT always desired or fawned on, or pursued by every man and boy. The women who are plain or homely, fat or short, have frizzy hair or pimples -- or are of another race -- or are handicapped -- or are simply growing older.
The male gaze is directed very powerfully at the Porizkovas of the world, and NOT at most ordinary women, who have little power and what they do have, does not derive from their physical beauty.
But what she doesn't and can't know is how it is for the other 99.999% of us -- who are NOT beautiful and perfect looking, and who are NOT always desired or fawned on, or pursued by every man and boy. The women who are plain or homely, fat or short, have frizzy hair or pimples -- or are of another race -- or are handicapped -- or are simply growing older.
The male gaze is directed very powerfully at the Porizkovas of the world, and NOT at most ordinary women, who have little power and what they do have, does not derive from their physical beauty.
2
Thanks, Ms. P. for enlightening me and confirming my suspicion that women in every country think deeper, and more effectively and realistically about male/female relationships than men.
There is, of course, an upside for women being who and what they are and what they are capable of. A man who works for a woman may be sexually harassed, even fired for not responding to sexual invitations, but can't take his molester to court. Yeah, it happens, and we have no recourse in law.
There is, of course, an upside for women being who and what they are and what they are capable of. A man who works for a woman may be sexually harassed, even fired for not responding to sexual invitations, but can't take his molester to court. Yeah, it happens, and we have no recourse in law.
2
Nat, that should not happen. I would point out that part of the reason that men's complaints of sexual harassment are not taken seriously is that men are presumed to be welcoming of sexual advances by women, and expected to want sex all of the time, with little to no control over their impulses.
This attitude, which feminism fights against every day, is damaging to both men and to women. If we ever reach the point at which sexual harassment of men by women is treated as seriously as it should be (that is, equal to sexual harassment of women by men), then it will be feminism that gets us there. I hope that we get there sooner rather than later, because no one should be harassed on the job, sexually or otherwise.
This attitude, which feminism fights against every day, is damaging to both men and to women. If we ever reach the point at which sexual harassment of men by women is treated as seriously as it should be (that is, equal to sexual harassment of women by men), then it will be feminism that gets us there. I hope that we get there sooner rather than later, because no one should be harassed on the job, sexually or otherwise.
1
I am a feminist. Im also a sex-positive transgender woman. I believe Feminism isnt about making male-normative things the ideal values.
I am a woman, and I dont want my love of trucks or guns to be considered me embracing male activities and being good at it.
I want owning a custom 4x4 to be genderless. Im not freeing myself by doing man stuff. I am a transwoman, and I do cool stuff like 4x4 and target shooting.
I am a woman, and I dont want my love of trucks or guns to be considered me embracing male activities and being good at it.
I want owning a custom 4x4 to be genderless. Im not freeing myself by doing man stuff. I am a transwoman, and I do cool stuff like 4x4 and target shooting.
3
Yes, Paulina, we have our faults, but if Hillary Clinton didn't play the women's card, go in for identity politics or wasn't politically corrupt (or admitted it, as Trump did), or just owned up to handling of classified material - probably any of those things - she'd be president today and few would care she was a woman. I like Sweden and Swedish people, but it is not nirvana. When I was there (though a long time ago), I heard plenty of complaints. You know where a lot of people I met wanted to go? Where did you go?
No doubt, women still deal with issues in America (and other places) that men don't, and unequal pay in some fields is one of them, but not as they did in every decade before. Women do everything men do and in some cases, the law provides them with extra help. But, let's not pretend women and men aren't different in some ways, because they are. And given you became famous for being desirable, married a rock start (who may be a great guy - I don't know), playing on your sexuality, your criticism is a little flat. Was posing in bikinis a feminist act? Besides, though men enjoy good looking or sexy women, though it is subjective, and I don't see that changing, women are as often attracted to rich and powerful men. Some like "bad boys." So, lots of criticism to go around if you want.
I don't completely disagree with you. We can always get better. But, America, with all its faults, seems like it made you rich and I notice you are still here.
No doubt, women still deal with issues in America (and other places) that men don't, and unequal pay in some fields is one of them, but not as they did in every decade before. Women do everything men do and in some cases, the law provides them with extra help. But, let's not pretend women and men aren't different in some ways, because they are. And given you became famous for being desirable, married a rock start (who may be a great guy - I don't know), playing on your sexuality, your criticism is a little flat. Was posing in bikinis a feminist act? Besides, though men enjoy good looking or sexy women, though it is subjective, and I don't see that changing, women are as often attracted to rich and powerful men. Some like "bad boys." So, lots of criticism to go around if you want.
I don't completely disagree with you. We can always get better. But, America, with all its faults, seems like it made you rich and I notice you are still here.
9
David, that's not toeing the line. How dare you go out of lockstep! Based on your name, if I may cautiously (*) assume that you are gendered male, you should be attacked for "mansplaining". If I may further assume that you don't come from Paulina's ethnic and cultural heritage, you should also be attacked for cultural insensitivity, because you are assuming she will experience U.S. culture as you do.
The intersectionality of Paulina's gender and origin alone should be enough for you to "shut up".
* Shame, shame on me for such a retrograde assumption.
The intersectionality of Paulina's gender and origin alone should be enough for you to "shut up".
* Shame, shame on me for such a retrograde assumption.
3
Props to Paulina for voicing her opinions articulately and in a humorous, ironic manner. Having said that there seem to be some broad generalizations, but there are also some hidden truths. Why no shout out to Ric. At the end of the day I have to admit I'm guilty of being smitten by her looks, like millions of men. I know, I'm shallow. But I'm also a sexagenarian.
That's nice and all but I'm Franco-American and living in the U.S, and I don't want to hear public talk about masturbation and I don't want to practice, or teach my daughters, promiscuity. I don't think this has anything to do with being a feminist. Swedish women have a reputation all over the world for sexual openness and lack of inhibitions, but that doesn't mean theirs is the better cultural attitude. Some would argue it's worse. The only certainty is that it's different.
5
Paulina, you didn't mention the many well educated women who voted for Trump. Some would say that they voted against their individual and collective self interests. Others might say that they demonstrated an underlying self-loathing. Poor American women, "they are all mixed up."
3
Be of good cheer, ma'am. It's been said - accurately I think - that "America is the only matriarchy in the world where women are seeking equal rights".
While it may be true that men in America are largely dominant in the sphere of money-making and/or the accumulation of power (it was Henry Kissinger, I think, who observed that "power is the ultimate aphrodisiac"), it has its price.
In retirement homes and retirement communities like "The Villages" here in Florida, elderly women outnumber elderly men by an astonishing margin. Men simply don't live as long as women, and the overwhelming majority of wealth in America is held by women. The workaday pay may be (is) unequal, but the capital ultimately ends up in the hands of the "distaff" side.
Am I suggesting "marry well" as in the case of Melania Trump? No, I'm simply observing things as they in America, as an elderly man. I don't think the shorter life span of men is a matter of inbuilt biology. I think, rather, that men are more likely to stress themselves into an earlier grave by reason of social imperatives (status) and the "provider" syndrome.
I support feminism in almost all of its iterations, but a warning... monetary and status success carry a price. Security is emotionally costly.
In that, women have an advantage. They can choose to be self-made, or to seek security through association with a successful man. Men - aside from the occasional gigolo - aren't afforded those choices. Such is life in America.
While it may be true that men in America are largely dominant in the sphere of money-making and/or the accumulation of power (it was Henry Kissinger, I think, who observed that "power is the ultimate aphrodisiac"), it has its price.
In retirement homes and retirement communities like "The Villages" here in Florida, elderly women outnumber elderly men by an astonishing margin. Men simply don't live as long as women, and the overwhelming majority of wealth in America is held by women. The workaday pay may be (is) unequal, but the capital ultimately ends up in the hands of the "distaff" side.
Am I suggesting "marry well" as in the case of Melania Trump? No, I'm simply observing things as they in America, as an elderly man. I don't think the shorter life span of men is a matter of inbuilt biology. I think, rather, that men are more likely to stress themselves into an earlier grave by reason of social imperatives (status) and the "provider" syndrome.
I support feminism in almost all of its iterations, but a warning... monetary and status success carry a price. Security is emotionally costly.
In that, women have an advantage. They can choose to be self-made, or to seek security through association with a successful man. Men - aside from the occasional gigolo - aren't afforded those choices. Such is life in America.
4
Women do outlive men, but it probably won't be as stark as difference as baby boomers age into retirement communities and nursing homes.
I had a relative in an Assisted Living home until recently, and the "cottage" she lived in had 24 residents at a time -- 21 women and 3 men. Do that math.
But that's just a biological advantage women have had -- all such things are a double-edged sword. You get to live an extra 5-7 years, but you are also alone -- not much chance of remarrying at 80 -- and your health is likely not good. Most elderly widows suffer terribly from loneliness.
I had a relative in an Assisted Living home until recently, and the "cottage" she lived in had 24 residents at a time -- 21 women and 3 men. Do that math.
But that's just a biological advantage women have had -- all such things are a double-edged sword. You get to live an extra 5-7 years, but you are also alone -- not much chance of remarrying at 80 -- and your health is likely not good. Most elderly widows suffer terribly from loneliness.
A viewpoint that rings loudly with the truth of the matter. It is clearly and eloquently stated and although I am a male, I get it.
3
Walter Bagehot once said of the British monarchy 'Its mystery is its life. We must not let in daylight upon magic.' Sex is the same way.
More seriously, there are real problems of suffering, discrimination and poverty for women in USA. I would rather hear about those issues. Not the musings, however interesting they might be, of a self obsessed model whose claim to fame seems to be in being chosen as the first one from Central Europe to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue
More seriously, there are real problems of suffering, discrimination and poverty for women in USA. I would rather hear about those issues. Not the musings, however interesting they might be, of a self obsessed model whose claim to fame seems to be in being chosen as the first one from Central Europe to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue
8
You were the model in my teens, in every magazine and frequently on the boys' walls. I always felt that if I met you, I would like you. Now I know I'm right.
2
Great piece, thank you.
Having lived in worked in the extremes of New England and Latin American cultures I can say this has been true in my world.
However, the downside is that in the U.S. men have become emasculated and women defeminized to the point where relations are perpetually strained and unnatural to the point of dysfunction. It is also quite boring.
Having lived in worked in the extremes of New England and Latin American cultures I can say this has been true in my world.
However, the downside is that in the U.S. men have become emasculated and women defeminized to the point where relations are perpetually strained and unnatural to the point of dysfunction. It is also quite boring.
6
I was raised in the US but have lived in France for over 25 years. This is an interesting piece but the notion that "in France, women are dangerous objects to ...fear" is absurd. Women are certainly treasured in France, not feared nor seen as dangerous. And opening doors for women or pulling out a chair in a restaurant or paying the check are all seen as simply polite. I've never seen a French woman take offense at such gestures...quite the opposite. You can also, in France, tell a female colleague that she looks nice or that her new haircut is becoming without worrying about it. Compliments, provided there is no further agenda, are typically appreciated. And it's awfully difficult to imagine a Frenchman running in the other direction if approached by Ms. Porizkova in a disco. Again, an engaging article, but the claims about France do not ring true...
8
Thanks for that thoughtful and straightforwardly written piece Paulina.
Yes here in the US women are told we can do anything. Sadly it is in part a huge lie and as someone who fought the fought the fight for equality starting in college, 1971, I am angry, read sad, at the many young women who deny the word Feminism and even go so far as to equate it with the stereotypical maleish lesbian. Really? It's 2017, There are so many reasons for this I could go on and on, and there are many good books to read on the subject. However I hate to say it but your industry is in part to blame. The images of modeling and fashion have helped, in my opinion to perpetuate an image of beauty which is a false one and unobtainable for most. We all know the results of that.
Your hit the nail on the head about very early education but with the proliferation of religious schools, homeschooling and a school system controlled by often regressive state governments, I am not very optimistic.
Keep speaking out Paulina. That's one of the things that must be done. Fight like your little friend did all those years ago but fight against bigger bully. Never give that fight up and pass it on.
Yes here in the US women are told we can do anything. Sadly it is in part a huge lie and as someone who fought the fought the fight for equality starting in college, 1971, I am angry, read sad, at the many young women who deny the word Feminism and even go so far as to equate it with the stereotypical maleish lesbian. Really? It's 2017, There are so many reasons for this I could go on and on, and there are many good books to read on the subject. However I hate to say it but your industry is in part to blame. The images of modeling and fashion have helped, in my opinion to perpetuate an image of beauty which is a false one and unobtainable for most. We all know the results of that.
Your hit the nail on the head about very early education but with the proliferation of religious schools, homeschooling and a school system controlled by often regressive state governments, I am not very optimistic.
Keep speaking out Paulina. That's one of the things that must be done. Fight like your little friend did all those years ago but fight against bigger bully. Never give that fight up and pass it on.
2
I don't know what else to say, Ms. Porizkova, except for thank you. This is an incredibly validating piece, and reassures me that it's all not a figment of my imagination.
2
Terrific article! And I can only add, that in Holland, for instance, teenagers of both sexes have the self-confidence to look you in the eye and talk to you (unlike American kids, who tend to look down at their feet and mumble when they're not trying to sneer at you.
Vive equality and self-respect.
Vive equality and self-respect.
5
Holy Czechmate, the fantasy woman on my wall in the 80s (see several Sports Illustrated calendars) is an extremely intelligent writer who has opened my eyes to new cultural insights. How could I have known back then? Now I'm a little embarrassed at my own teenaged objectification, forgive me Paulina!
Spot on comments on feminism in Europe and US. I have raised teen girls both in Europe and US, and I was relieved when we moved back to Europe partly because of the right to own your own body here, and the more or less free access to contraception and abortion. I now have a girl that study at an America university and I'm very disturbed by the distinction between e.g. Fraternities and Sororities and the way fraternity e.g. are allowed to host parties but the girls can't because of the risks of being raped (???) or e.g. when you go to a part you are only allowed to use the restroom if you are with a boy! (I suppose I don't need to list more examples to make my point). I think it's extremely unhealthy for us to accept and institutionalize this kind of behavior and norms.
6
How things have changed in France. President Emmanuel Macron age 39 is married to Brigitte age 64, and has made her an equal partner and advisor. And he has also chosen to have more women in powerful positions including Sibeth Ndiaye.
I also think here in the states a lot depends on where one live s as to how women are treated and viewed. As an example here in the west, especially farm/ranch areas, women are a major power. They may not talk about being feminist but that's often because they are to busy working their butts off.
Ironically it's places like Silicon Valley often seen as a progressive area, where male CEO's apologize for not having more women in power, women like Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg write books about 'leaning in', that seem to have the least walk the talk feminists, be they male of female.
I also think here in the states a lot depends on where one live s as to how women are treated and viewed. As an example here in the west, especially farm/ranch areas, women are a major power. They may not talk about being feminist but that's often because they are to busy working their butts off.
Ironically it's places like Silicon Valley often seen as a progressive area, where male CEO's apologize for not having more women in power, women like Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg write books about 'leaning in', that seem to have the least walk the talk feminists, be they male of female.
1
Welcome to the club. We have one simple goal: destroy the reason for the club's existence.
2
Incisive, thoughtful, powerful! Kudos Ms. Porizkova.
Told she can do anything and knocked down the moment she proves it. Spot on. As a 45 year old woman I live that dichotomy daily.
1
This is so well written it's gobsmacking. Really fabulous.
Example: The "tiny little girl, punched him in the face ... no one seemed to have noticed". Perfect. So much conveyed with the barest of word.
And who wasn't rolling in laughter envisioning this beautiful woman dancing over to the Frenchmen, spotting "the chosen one ... (who) more often than not, fled. And when he didn't run, he asked how much I charged". Hilarious. Again, economy of words.
Brilliant writing.
Example: The "tiny little girl, punched him in the face ... no one seemed to have noticed". Perfect. So much conveyed with the barest of word.
And who wasn't rolling in laughter envisioning this beautiful woman dancing over to the Frenchmen, spotting "the chosen one ... (who) more often than not, fled. And when he didn't run, he asked how much I charged". Hilarious. Again, economy of words.
Brilliant writing.
1
I've often wonder why the Scandinavian counties are more progressive than most. Part of it is historical, and I think part of it is they only nominally adopted Christianity more as a political acquiescence rather than a fervent religiosity. Those Viking pagan ways run deep and historically Vikings had quite an egalitarian society. Pagan societies overall were more egalitarian due to a myth system that the gods were both male and female who had various characteristics but were still equal as gods/goddesses. Abrahamic religious, like Judaism, Christianity and Islam are patriarchal with a male godhead, this is misogynistic at a foundational level. I mean if god is male then clearly men deem themselves superior to women.
7
I find it a little hard or at least surprising to be lectured to about equality of the sexes by a mode...someone who lives off of others superficial perception of what it means to be human..or valued in our society. It rings a little hollow to me.
7
Bravo! As an aside your article actually encapsulates a bit of social history: the Viking culture where women were equal to men and often stood beside them in battle, the Court of Louis XIV, and good ole' fashion American Calvinism.
Very good. I am French, I lived in many country and I have friends in Sweden and America. American men expect women to do the first move, which says a lot, it is not respect but put the relationship responsibility on the woman, French men will run away if you do the first move, that their way to assert domination, and Swedish men do not care, it is a mutual understanding.
What I have seen in my life is women have to be everything, beautiful, efficient and now are accused to devote to much time to their work (of course they do not trust a relationship and do not want to be left with children with no job no money) It is not easy for men. They are a bit lost. Only mutual respect, attention to the others but above all uncompromising love from both part. For the worst and the best, ugly, old, fat or beautiful, young, from failure or success, the challenge to confront life together does not allow any kind of domination from any side.
What I have seen in my life is women have to be everything, beautiful, efficient and now are accused to devote to much time to their work (of course they do not trust a relationship and do not want to be left with children with no job no money) It is not easy for men. They are a bit lost. Only mutual respect, attention to the others but above all uncompromising love from both part. For the worst and the best, ugly, old, fat or beautiful, young, from failure or success, the challenge to confront life together does not allow any kind of domination from any side.
5
Wow! Love this, as only knowing what it feels like to be American, but studying everything from French women to the ancient goddess to figure out why I feel so frustrated, your story is a much faster study on the way culture empowers or cuts us off at the knees. Wow!
1
This is the view of the sexes in America amount the upper classes where money wields power. For the rest of the folks it is a much different dynamic where some men have no power and others have tremendous power. And women seek out the men with power trading their own at their own peril.
1
In a lot of TV news media of recent years, it has become very noticeable that the women journalists (regardless of journalistic ability) have to look a certain way: not only presentable but ultra-glamorous in a slightly sleazy way. On some TV channels, all the newswomen have the same hairstyles and lots of cleavage and super-high-heel shoes. I'm sorry to say it, but frankly they are dressed like escorts. They don't seem to know how weird they look and I think they should tell off the employers who are obviously demanding that they dress that way.
8
I agree -- and it's not just the high heels, which are SO uncomfortable and impractical -- it's the skin-tight sheath dresses and the sleeveless EVERYTHING with bare arms even in WINTER. And very long, blown out blonde hair.
In 10-20 years, this will start looking REALLY weird -- as in "why did anyone think this was attractive or a good idea"? It's not empowering. POWER means you can dress in comfortable, attractive clothing and not like a Las Vegas hooker.
In 10-20 years, this will start looking REALLY weird -- as in "why did anyone think this was attractive or a good idea"? It's not empowering. POWER means you can dress in comfortable, attractive clothing and not like a Las Vegas hooker.
2
I fail to see what point the story of the decline of the dancing invitation is meant to make. It is a great image - Ms Porizkova is a vivid writer - but couldn't the reaction of the men be interpreted as sophisticated rather than sexist? Why not try introducing yourself first and talking a bit before hitting the dance floor? Get to know the person who resides inside of your sexual target. Talk about a double standard. Imagine the reader reaction if the genders were reversed in this scenario. Or the one in which the girl hits the boy in the face because she did not like what he said.
3
I am amazed so many so-called "feminists" think one child hitting another in the face is a good idea. Surely there are better ways to correct someone!
And why they don't see how Porizkova was then -- and is now, to some degree -- exploiting the genetic "lotto win" of her good looks. OF COURSE men flocked to her, and she had her choice of almost anyone on the dance floor -- but she is hardly typical of "most women". Indeed, this article reeks to me of privilege and a kind of isolated, pampered view of life.
And why they don't see how Porizkova was then -- and is now, to some degree -- exploiting the genetic "lotto win" of her good looks. OF COURSE men flocked to her, and she had her choice of almost anyone on the dance floor -- but she is hardly typical of "most women". Indeed, this article reeks to me of privilege and a kind of isolated, pampered view of life.
3
This is such an important set of observations because it highlights the issues American women face in a culture where fiction and reality collide.All aspects of American Individualism and the "Dream"come up against a primitive, macho culture which defines how most American men think of women and what too many women expect from men.
At the same time lip service and behavioral norms are set to provide the illusion of equality, making misogyny rife but unarticulated .Having said that,American women bear their share of the blame for this reality.Confusing equality with being "the same"as men, objectifying their own bodies, blaming sexism rather than facing their own limitations and resenting the success of women who managed to "have it all", collude to re-enforce stereotypes and prejudices.American feminism is important because men are taught about equality but learn about machismo.It is counterproductive when women behave in ways that fuel more misogyny.It would appear that the author ,because of her cross cultural experiences, can be a role model for American feminism.Swedish and French men generally have interests that go beyond sports statistics.
At the same time lip service and behavioral norms are set to provide the illusion of equality, making misogyny rife but unarticulated .Having said that,American women bear their share of the blame for this reality.Confusing equality with being "the same"as men, objectifying their own bodies, blaming sexism rather than facing their own limitations and resenting the success of women who managed to "have it all", collude to re-enforce stereotypes and prejudices.American feminism is important because men are taught about equality but learn about machismo.It is counterproductive when women behave in ways that fuel more misogyny.It would appear that the author ,because of her cross cultural experiences, can be a role model for American feminism.Swedish and French men generally have interests that go beyond sports statistics.
8
Thank you for this powerful piece. I am raising two young women and you have completely validated some of my beliefs. I hope they will revel in their strengths and not try to hide them from anyone. I hope they learn to love and appreciate their bodies and know them well. I hope they feel they have just as much to contribute as any man. I hope they feel secure in themselves which will allow them to be good people and treat others (no matter who they are) well.
6
I am sixty. If my grandmothers were alive one would be 118 and the other 125. My mother's parents were both descendants of the Mayflower. My father's mother was first generation born American on one side (Irish great-grandmother). I know their stories. As children one grandmother rowed a boat to the city to work in a bakery and other worked in a factory making lampshades. Neither went past 8th grade. They both married well, survived the depression, and each raised four healthy children. They were matriarchs. My father's mother went back to work when her youngest was grown, because she wanted to work, not because she had to. My own mother went back to work as soon as her youngest went off to kindergarten. Their husbands wouldn't have dared raised a hand to them. They were confident in their femininity and sexuality. They were confident in themselves. They were survivers. They didn't get equal pay at work. Neither did I. i did get to go to college. Not every woman in America is as lucky as I to have had the example set for them three generations back. Maybe you need to do a little more research and a little more thinking before you paint any society with one brush.
7
maybe you could be more gracious
3
Well all I was trying to point out was that that might be her experience with america and american women, but it wasn't mine. I know I was lucky. Sorry if it sounded condescending. It wasn't meant that way. I also was saying we - have come a long way in a bit more than 100 years - on the issue of feminism - we still have a ways to go. In agree with her 100% - the government should not legislate what I do with my body.
3
Porizkova writes well about her personal experiences, but let's not treat is as some kind of in-depth analysis of the position of women in the countries she describes. It is actually a dangerous little piece in that it reinforces stereotypes.
Any serious attempt to compare the situations of women in these countries would have to include an in-depth comparison of these societies as a whole. How women are treated by men or rather how Porizkova thinks they are treated and how they feel about it is only a small part of reality, not to mention these women's PERCEPTION of reality, as they are part of the culture and are possibly quite happy with their situation (eg. women in socialist Czechoslovakia perceived their house work not as "servitude" but as "being in charge." )
My personal view is that the situation of women here in the U.S. is a result of unhinged capitalism and "dog eat dog" society. In the richest country in the world in which our top citizens lives like royalty we can't even tax ourselves enough to provide basic job security and medical care for millions of citizens. Like in the 3rd world, people in the U.S. are dying of diseases that we have long had cures for! Obviously women are undervalued in this society because the human life itself is undervalued! To make things worse the elites have created this strong myth that America is a meritocracy, designed to obscure the fact that neither talent nor hard work are predictors of success in this country.
Any serious attempt to compare the situations of women in these countries would have to include an in-depth comparison of these societies as a whole. How women are treated by men or rather how Porizkova thinks they are treated and how they feel about it is only a small part of reality, not to mention these women's PERCEPTION of reality, as they are part of the culture and are possibly quite happy with their situation (eg. women in socialist Czechoslovakia perceived their house work not as "servitude" but as "being in charge." )
My personal view is that the situation of women here in the U.S. is a result of unhinged capitalism and "dog eat dog" society. In the richest country in the world in which our top citizens lives like royalty we can't even tax ourselves enough to provide basic job security and medical care for millions of citizens. Like in the 3rd world, people in the U.S. are dying of diseases that we have long had cures for! Obviously women are undervalued in this society because the human life itself is undervalued! To make things worse the elites have created this strong myth that America is a meritocracy, designed to obscure the fact that neither talent nor hard work are predictors of success in this country.
18
Please write more Ms. Porizkova! You are credible because you possess all the assets Americans associate with feminine power - physical beauty, sexuality, connections, and money - and you succinctly describe how society works to keep you subjugated. This writing has that quality of nailing, spot on, what many women feel strongly but have been unable to describe. Let us know where we can read more/hear you speak on the issue, or if there is a way we can support you if you want to lead a larger discussion in our country.
24
Bravo. I, on the other hand, was engaged to a Greek man. Greek women were each others' supports, while the men were out at the cafe. Lots of them had mistresses whom they entertained in small apartments kept just for that purpose. The women were expected (very subtly) to put on weight an become grandmothers, and when grandmothers,they were marginalized as "saints." Thank goodness I got out of that. My Australian husband had such a demented idea of the differences between men and women that it was hard to make progress. The Australian women complained that the men went to the pub after work to hang out with their mates, and came home drunk. And there's more, but when I tell Americans about the intelligent way Europeans, which include the Austrians and Germans as well as those mentioned by Porizkova, they think I'm making it up. My Austrian friend told me that contraceptives are free to young women until they're 21, then they have to pay something for them. What a concept!
9
What a lovely read! Thank you so much. In the US now we are in a pretty down and dirty fight over who women can be. A lot of energy is going into retreating to the past when women were kept dependent without access to abortion and contraceptives. Those are the political stand-ins for all the controversy over pay, opportunities, even rape. Problem is that men are no longer paid enough for women to be able to stay home and raise children and the people in charge are not willing to change the economics that used to support that lifestyle. And it won't work for men to try to have it both ways. You can't keep women barefoot and pregnant and have them out working too. I think when the dust settles American women will have equality, but it is going to be painful getting there as long as some view women's equality as taking something away from men. Equality actually makes life much better for both, and it feels really silly to say something that is so obvious.
12
In the historic past, it was not that women were "kept without access" to birth control or abortion -- what you think of as modern effective birth control DID NOT EXIST. The most anyone had up until about 1960, were condoms for men, and diaphragms for women -- mechanical methods that had high failure rates. And the most anyone anticipated from such devices was a LOWER chance of pregnancy -- to "space out" your children, a few years apart. Nobody ever dreamed a woman would be sexually active from 16 to 40 or beyond, without ever having children.
And abortions were, until the invention of modern techniques and antibiotics, VERY DANGEROUS -- you could die from an abortion. That's why they were banned. It had nothing to do with "controlling women".
And abortions were, until the invention of modern techniques and antibiotics, VERY DANGEROUS -- you could die from an abortion. That's why they were banned. It had nothing to do with "controlling women".
2
"But the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it." Perfect description.
I love this piece and have a new found admiration for Ms. Porizkova for so aptly describing how I certainly have always felt as an American born-and-bred woman. She couldn't have articulated it any better.
Oh, and I AM A FEMINIST.
I love this piece and have a new found admiration for Ms. Porizkova for so aptly describing how I certainly have always felt as an American born-and-bred woman. She couldn't have articulated it any better.
Oh, and I AM A FEMINIST.
24
I follow many key writers and articles about feminism and it is a topic of great importance to me. This is simply the best writing I have read about it in some time.
Thank you, Ms. Porizkova, for your clarity, insight and message. Please continue...and on bigger platforms. Like a regular column, books and a documentary.
Thank you, Ms. Porizkova, for your clarity, insight and message. Please continue...and on bigger platforms. Like a regular column, books and a documentary.
8
Paulina, I agree with most of your points. I especially agree with your portrayal of American society. However, your presentation of your perception of Swedish culture did irk me a little bit. You say that women there have more power than and power over men, and present this as what made Sweden your, as it seemed to me, most comfortable society. Do you not see a problem with this? It is a touch hypocritical to enjoy having a more powerful social standing than men and using it in one nation, then arguing for female equality in another.
To be clear, I fully support feminism. But if in Sweden or other nations men are subservient to women, that is a problem to be fixed, not celebrated.
To be clear, I fully support feminism. But if in Sweden or other nations men are subservient to women, that is a problem to be fixed, not celebrated.
11
I can't answer for Paulina, but having lived in Sweden, I can assure you, women do not always have power over men. In fact, for all it's "pro-women" policies and cultural progressiveness, there are more female CEOs per capita in America than in Sweden.
Men in almost every culture hold most of the power most of the time. What is different in Sweden is that women sometimes have power over men and that is accepted - and in fact is taken for granted as a sign of an evolved society. Men in America (and let's acknowledge that these are vast generalizations) are not okay with women having power over them. Just think about Trump's response to Melissa McCarthy poking fun at Sean Spicer. He was angrier about him being portrayed by a woman than by the jokes! In Sweden, though I doubt the prime minister would have responded at all in such a situation, if he had, it would have been about the jokes.
Men in almost every culture hold most of the power most of the time. What is different in Sweden is that women sometimes have power over men and that is accepted - and in fact is taken for granted as a sign of an evolved society. Men in America (and let's acknowledge that these are vast generalizations) are not okay with women having power over them. Just think about Trump's response to Melissa McCarthy poking fun at Sean Spicer. He was angrier about him being portrayed by a woman than by the jokes! In Sweden, though I doubt the prime minister would have responded at all in such a situation, if he had, it would have been about the jokes.
3
Wonderful, insightful essay, with a moving conclusion. Thank you, Ms. Porizkova!
2
As a gynecologist, I believe part of my job is to empower women with education. You would be surprised at how many of my patients have never had an orgasm. How many had seen other doctors, but no one else had asked about their own sexual function? It's wonderful to know there are others of similar belief in the sexual empowerment of women, NOT their subjugation. We all fight every day in our own way. Hear hear!
8
And who educates the men? Once more the burden in America is on women.
What a great piece, I will work to instill that Swedish attitude for my two girls and hope we can get the men on board.
4
You're so right on. I'm American and live here now, but I married a Swedish man and spent some years in Sweden. The cultural differences in their attitudes towards women are obvious and awesome. Many times I daydream of going back. It's hard not to love a place that respects you.
14
Totally agree. If only it weren't so dark and cold most of the time!
I wish we could visualize power and equality as something more than an expression of cultural norms regarding sexuality. This framing seems quite shallow and fleeting.
1
"In America, a woman’s body seemed to belong to everybody but herself. Her sexuality belonged to her husband, her opinion of herself belonged to her social circles, and her uterus belonged to the government"
Her sexuality belongs to her husband? Where did she land in the US? In Trump Land? Come on, this is not true. I was born and raised in France and moved to the US in my late twenties/ That was a while ago. I totally disagree with all the generalities written in this article.
Her sexuality belongs to her husband? Where did she land in the US? In Trump Land? Come on, this is not true. I was born and raised in France and moved to the US in my late twenties/ That was a while ago. I totally disagree with all the generalities written in this article.
9
As a foreign-born man, are you really trying to contradict the experiences of a woman living in America? Paulina's perspective is excellent, especially given the range of her experience once she arrived in the States. peehaps you should learn more about her and women in general.
Great thanks to Ms. Porizkova for sharing her story. It reveals cultures, norms and gender roles and she writes with a marvelous accessibility, frankness and elegance. I remember her from magazines.
"But the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it." Sad that in America in the 21st Century her words ring true. All anyone has to do is read comments on TV or on social media to see the filthy, derogatory, violent remarks made against and toward women.
We really haven't come very far. But maybe we have.
"But the American woman is told she can do anything and then is knocked down the moment she proves it." Sad that in America in the 21st Century her words ring true. All anyone has to do is read comments on TV or on social media to see the filthy, derogatory, violent remarks made against and toward women.
We really haven't come very far. But maybe we have.
6
Thank you. Equality between sexes should be a given...at least in the west. America has a long way to go when it comes to sexuality and the acceptance of gender parity. The deep infusion of evangelical religiousity is the main impediment in American culture. It will be a long time before any change will be manifested. See the "Trump Effect" for an explanation.
7
What a great essay! This is exactly how I feel! In my Eastern European Jewish family women were powerful (my grandmother a judge, my mother a writer) but as a child in the USSR I already experienced that country's pervasive misogyny. Still, at least women were granted the power of our sexuality. All women in our family were beautiful and I dreamed of being beautiful, powerful and smart when I grew up. But in the US these qualities seem incompatible. Being sexy is shameful. Aspiring to be beautiful is a sellout. I actually heard from my "liberal" female friends the ugly word "lookism". Telling people that I am in favor of contraception and abortion because women need to be able to enjoy sex without the fear of pregnancy elicited strange looks and uncomfortable squirming even from pro-choice activists. And what do American women get in exchange for giving up their feminine power? A flood of misogyny that was unleashed at Hillary Clinton, even though she did everything possible to appear as plain as possible. Well, I am a feminist - and I like it when men give me admiring looks. If it's "lookism", I'm fine with it.
8
What an excellent article. As a woman who has been living in the U.S. for almost 20 years, I have raised a fair number of eyebrows when I told people I find the U.S. way more sexist than my native Brazil. In the U.S. women's roles are extremely confined, the definition of (the expected and obligatory) beauty is very narrow, and there are no privileges to counterbalance the constraints. Not even heavily pregnant women are treated with a minimum of basic civility. As Ms. Porizkova said very well, in this country a woman's body belongs to everybody but herself.
My impression is that in the U.S. women are valued only while sexually attractive and available. Breasts are considered to be sexual body parts, and the breasts who feed a baby are regarded as offensive -- even by women.
My impression is that in the U.S. women are valued only while sexually attractive and available. Breasts are considered to be sexual body parts, and the breasts who feed a baby are regarded as offensive -- even by women.
10
So true! As a man who has lived in many countries, including Sweden and the U.S., I think Porizkova nailed it.
5
What girls should be taught at the very young age is the anatomy of oppression. It is no different than any other types of techniques used to successfully oppress anyone we choose too.
The propensity to be victimized start with how the parents treat their children. If they are good the children can weather adversity very well. If they are mean or abusive they are preparing them for a life of subservience, confusion and abuse.
Conditions that facilitates subordination, submission and abuse.
It starts with language and how it's used. Insults, swearing, screaming in an escalating scale followed by physical threats.
It is important that we explain the evolution of how culture, religion and social regressive norms work in a simple and clear way to understand.
Change and alter words by giving them new meanings by stripping them of their potency. I.e. when I was a little girl I hated when people swore, so to deal with it, I made swear words sound like tables and chairs in my head. So if somebody called me punk in my head it sounded like you chair, it had absolutely no emotional impact. In some cases it was even entertaining. They actually started to look stupid in my mind. I have never been susceptible to any form of coercion because I understood instinctively what they were trying to do. I looked at them and walked away more or less intact. I grew up in a huge family,being one of the youngest
The propensity to be victimized start with how the parents treat their children. If they are good the children can weather adversity very well. If they are mean or abusive they are preparing them for a life of subservience, confusion and abuse.
Conditions that facilitates subordination, submission and abuse.
It starts with language and how it's used. Insults, swearing, screaming in an escalating scale followed by physical threats.
It is important that we explain the evolution of how culture, religion and social regressive norms work in a simple and clear way to understand.
Change and alter words by giving them new meanings by stripping them of their potency. I.e. when I was a little girl I hated when people swore, so to deal with it, I made swear words sound like tables and chairs in my head. So if somebody called me punk in my head it sounded like you chair, it had absolutely no emotional impact. In some cases it was even entertaining. They actually started to look stupid in my mind. I have never been susceptible to any form of coercion because I understood instinctively what they were trying to do. I looked at them and walked away more or less intact. I grew up in a huge family,being one of the youngest
1
My former husband once complained that I treated him like a roommate because I did not wash and cook for him. After reading Paulina's piece, I realize now that I was simply treating him as an equal. I wish it had occurred to me during my marriage to point that out to him.
7
There is another important difference between Sweden and the US. Sweden has strong trade unions and ample workers' rights. People who are secure in their jobs, paid a living wage, and working where there is respect for work/life balance are much more prone to an egalitarian outlook. To respect others as equals requires first having respect for yourself which is much easier if you are treated with appropriate respect on your job, including but certainly not limited to being fairly paid and not subject to arbitrary loss of the job.
I had first hand experience with this difference. For the first two and a half years of my dozen working here in NYC as an executive at the US subsidiary of a Swedish firm, the staff was six Swedes and me. It took me the better part of a year to get used to the degree of cooperation that existed amongst my coworkers and get over the idea that anytime I got help with something that was in my job description it was a bad thing. I finally realized that counterproductive notion was a product of the US employment-at-will (of the employer) workplace and tried to change my mindset.
I had first hand experience with this difference. For the first two and a half years of my dozen working here in NYC as an executive at the US subsidiary of a Swedish firm, the staff was six Swedes and me. It took me the better part of a year to get used to the degree of cooperation that existed amongst my coworkers and get over the idea that anytime I got help with something that was in my job description it was a bad thing. I finally realized that counterproductive notion was a product of the US employment-at-will (of the employer) workplace and tried to change my mindset.
12
fantastic essay....very informative, and well written.
3
Powerful, smart and well written. Best article in today's Review.
7
Thank you for this excellent article. I too have noticed the strides Nordic countries have made in the direction of equality - even to the point of avoiding any mention of gender in kindergartens. My first reaction to this was that it was excessive political correctness, until it was explained to me that it´s done not for the kids but for the teachers: it had been noticed that if teachers who refer to 'boys' and 'girls' in kindergarten, they speak differntly to each gender and assign different tasks.
Thank you also for your reference to French 'gallantry'. I lived in Belgium for a time and was continually annoyed at this fake respect to women. To me, the first person who reaches the door should hold it for whoever follows, but you should have seen how apoplectic some men became to find themselves the object of my 'gallantry'. This attitude percolated into several other behaviours which I found equally patronising.
Thank you also for your reference to French 'gallantry'. I lived in Belgium for a time and was continually annoyed at this fake respect to women. To me, the first person who reaches the door should hold it for whoever follows, but you should have seen how apoplectic some men became to find themselves the object of my 'gallantry'. This attitude percolated into several other behaviours which I found equally patronising.
8
A child in Sweden, a teen in France, and a woman in America is more fascinating as the rites of passage of a female in different cultures than it is an assessment of feminism. Feminism, like machismo or even the concepts of love or fun, are relative to culture.
An friend from Spain, although she admired so many things about America, commented many years ago how disappointed she was by American women boasting that they didn't know how to cook. Would a man brag that he couldn't change a flat tire? And she saw American men as easily manipulated, their machismo limited to having money, pickup trucks, and muscles.
An friend from Spain, although she admired so many things about America, commented many years ago how disappointed she was by American women boasting that they didn't know how to cook. Would a man brag that he couldn't change a flat tire? And she saw American men as easily manipulated, their machismo limited to having money, pickup trucks, and muscles.
8
With Swedish roots I have been told countless times to be careful or I would be hit (by a man) if I didn't "tone it down". Other women consistently react negatively to me whereas in Sweden I am praised. Even feminist women in the U.S. react negatively when a woman is transparent and forthright. And yes, I am polite and humorous in my communications to no avail, often with comments that are mere pragmatic alternatives. I even get better response in Eastern Europe. Very strange.
20
Very interesting article!
For having dated women in different countries, I am saddened at how so many American women do not know their own body and don't feel comfortable with it (the physical touch/caress already being an issue in many cases).
I believe it is also linked to the importance of religion in the USA compared to Sweden and France. With less religion, women feel less guilty to discover and enjoy their own bodies, and the physical contact.
For having dated women in different countries, I am saddened at how so many American women do not know their own body and don't feel comfortable with it (the physical touch/caress already being an issue in many cases).
I believe it is also linked to the importance of religion in the USA compared to Sweden and France. With less religion, women feel less guilty to discover and enjoy their own bodies, and the physical contact.
9
Thank you! What a good essay! I appreciate your sharing your experiences and perspective.
8
Such a brilliant little essay! The paragraph beginning with the sentence, "In America, a woman’s body seemed to belong to everybody but herself," resonates particularly powerfully. To Ms. Porizkova's list of who owns women's bodies in America--husbands, social circles and the government--I'd add advertisers. I've don't know how Swedish ads treat women, but ads in France treat them in a way that conveys the idea that women's beauty, sexuality and overall sense of being in the world is a joy and pleasure to the women themselves. In American advertising, by contrast, ads with women convey the message that women are desperate to show off their beauty and sexuality, even if in preposterous ways, in order to please men. Whatever is pleasurable about their bodies to the women themselves is completely hidden.
29
Thank you for your insights, Paulina. I am the father of two adult daughters raised in the United States and they appear to have matured into strong-minded, secure women. Their mother and I worked hard to instill those characteristics in them, but I can only imagine how much stronger they might be had they been raised in Sweden. I am a secure, strong-minded man, but chalk me up as also being a feminist, if that is possible.
27
Me too.
There comes a time in any movement that coalesced to fight real inequities when it becomes largely irrelevant, yet persists because vested interests demand that it persist. Unions come to mind.
Carving out classes and fighting to advance their economic and other interests at the expense of everyone else appears to be a very human oddity, present in many cultures. Feminism is no different from all the others. Yet it's secured most of its legitimate social objectives in every society not ruled by mullahs far more effectively than, say, blacks have in America -- and even blacks have come a long way, baby, as well.
I’d have thought that Saudi Arabia or Iran, or even Japan or Russia, might reasonably create more legitimate feminists these days than America.
In America, women are not knocked down the moment they prove that they can deliver as individuals: they run corporations; and, when they do, they make as much as men who do. I’ll grant that super-models have different challenges, among them encroaching crow’s-feet; but those (very) few who morph into entertaining authors sell books, too. The one truly legitimate cause that remains for them here that justifies perpetuation of Ms. Poriskova’s feminism is the fight to protect women’s rights to reproductive self-determination. And I have high hopes for eventually retiring that ancient shibboleth, as well.
Carving out classes and fighting to advance their economic and other interests at the expense of everyone else appears to be a very human oddity, present in many cultures. Feminism is no different from all the others. Yet it's secured most of its legitimate social objectives in every society not ruled by mullahs far more effectively than, say, blacks have in America -- and even blacks have come a long way, baby, as well.
I’d have thought that Saudi Arabia or Iran, or even Japan or Russia, might reasonably create more legitimate feminists these days than America.
In America, women are not knocked down the moment they prove that they can deliver as individuals: they run corporations; and, when they do, they make as much as men who do. I’ll grant that super-models have different challenges, among them encroaching crow’s-feet; but those (very) few who morph into entertaining authors sell books, too. The one truly legitimate cause that remains for them here that justifies perpetuation of Ms. Poriskova’s feminism is the fight to protect women’s rights to reproductive self-determination. And I have high hopes for eventually retiring that ancient shibboleth, as well.
6
There are 32 women CEOs among the Fortune 500. That's less than 7 percent.
There are 7 women CEOs among the Fortune 500.
As you correctly note, we have yet to secure our reproductive rights so they can't be revoked by hyper-religious fetus worshipers and the politicians who need their votes. (Might this have something to do with the dearth of women in the top C-suites? If so, is this by design or just a happy result?)
But do keep telling us how there's really no need for feminism in America.
There are 7 women CEOs among the Fortune 500.
As you correctly note, we have yet to secure our reproductive rights so they can't be revoked by hyper-religious fetus worshipers and the politicians who need their votes. (Might this have something to do with the dearth of women in the top C-suites? If so, is this by design or just a happy result?)
But do keep telling us how there's really no need for feminism in America.
34
Thanks for the mansplaining.
31
Richard, I almost wholly agree with your clear-eyed and measured statements. (I differ only in your characterization of "reproductive self-determination," which is recognized code for unconstrained abortion-on-demand, as a right.) The examples you cite reinforced for me how far the current American usage of the term "feminism" has expanded from the simple proposition that men and women should be equal.
2
Thank you, Paulina Porizkova, for sharing your personal history and insightful comparison of the construction of gender roles in different countries.
We need to be reminded, often, that we are the blind men and women of the Indian fable, feeling the different parts of the elephant, often drawing conclusions without perspective. Some allow the elephant to be defined only by their spouse or partner. Some allow a very narrow definition of the elephant to be defined by cult or religion.
We need to be reminded, often, that we are the blind men and women of the Indian fable, feeling the different parts of the elephant, often drawing conclusions without perspective. Some allow the elephant to be defined only by their spouse or partner. Some allow a very narrow definition of the elephant to be defined by cult or religion.
16
Excellent and spot on.
42
So well said thank you for sharing your inspirational story
Young women in America often do not see the need for feminism either. But when they reach a certain age in the workplace they finally figure it out.
Is it possible that it was because you were still so young that you did not see the need for feminism in Sweden? (Which btw in my field has never been a leading light of equality.)
But I still loved your article. Gives us a culture to dream about, even if there is no such place on earth.
Is it possible that it was because you were still so young that you did not see the need for feminism in Sweden? (Which btw in my field has never been a leading light of equality.)
But I still loved your article. Gives us a culture to dream about, even if there is no such place on earth.
28
I really didn't expect much from this article. I made the mistake of assuming that models were too self-absorbed to have much to teach me. I was wrong. Ms. Porizkova gave a fascinating look at women's lives, from the perspective of someone who has had experiences in multiple countries and can comment on the difference she found. I am now very interested in the lives of women around the world...not just in America. I thank Ms. Porizkova for expanding my world view
54
I enjoyed it too. I'm also anticipating cries of "stereotyping!" and "My neighbor's boss's sister-in-law lived in Czech Republic and she said women there are equal!"
6
Thank you, Paulina, for your unique perspective. You know us better than we know ourselves.
23
I remember your first Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover. I'm so impressed with your essay today. I'd rather read and re-read today's essay than unearth your cover photo.
Thanks.
Thanks.
33
Indeed, Paulina, thank you for your valuable perspective, having truly lived the life of a girl and woman in several different cultures. I wish you all the best in helping America and the world to advance toward a more balanced appreciation for the humanity of its female half.
As a man here I can readily admit that I have not fully recognized the feminist perspective and its importance to the health of our society. Unfortunately, too many women also seem not to recognize it, or perhaps we would not have a president Trump.
Certainly, deep economic inequalities and concerns have also played an important role in electing a seemingly congenital liar, but perhaps a lack of sufficient recognition of women's humanity is not unrelated to a willingness of voters to ignore the flaws of an obvious fraud because he claims to advocate economic policies that matter to his voters, especially a fraud who values women only for how he thinks they make him look.
Well, Paulina, you are most courageous for standing up now when so many blows may yet come your way. I just hope your country will one day thank you properly, and all of its women as well.
As a man here I can readily admit that I have not fully recognized the feminist perspective and its importance to the health of our society. Unfortunately, too many women also seem not to recognize it, or perhaps we would not have a president Trump.
Certainly, deep economic inequalities and concerns have also played an important role in electing a seemingly congenital liar, but perhaps a lack of sufficient recognition of women's humanity is not unrelated to a willingness of voters to ignore the flaws of an obvious fraud because he claims to advocate economic policies that matter to his voters, especially a fraud who values women only for how he thinks they make him look.
Well, Paulina, you are most courageous for standing up now when so many blows may yet come your way. I just hope your country will one day thank you properly, and all of its women as well.
26
This piece, and the other on this page by Manal Al-Sharif, shed a pretty bright light on degrees of mistreatment women on this planet are forced to endure at the hands of the other half of the human species. More writings like these should be published. Salute to the NYT for doing so here, and more importantly, kudos to these women for writing them.
41
Wow. This is an amazing read.
21
Bravo - very true.
19
LOVED this piece. So true. Thank you, Paulina.
19
I am so grateful to Paulina Porizkova for this piece. We, as American women, are at a monumental moment. We have been encouraged to be powerful, sexual, independent beings, only to find that these qualities are deeply threatening to our society. We recognize that we have the power to disrupt everything, but question if it's worth the disruption. I say yes.
32
Agreed. May I add that women participate in subjugating each other through social pressure and in the work place. I have never been more diminished as a female leader than I was by a female CEO who was threatened by the successes of even the most loyal women who worked for her!
19
A compelling and timely piece.
I currently live in Germany, whose Chancellor is arguably the leader of the free world.
The disrespect shown to her by our President was universally scorned by her supporters and her opponents alike, not because she is a woman and needed defending but because his behavior was an affront to the nation, directed at the person who is their elected leader. It has nothing to do with her gender and everything to do with simple right and wrong.
If one has been paying any attention to what is going on within the Resistance in America, you can’t help but notice that women are front and center. The Women’s March dwarfed the Inauguration by any honest measure, and women in Congress such as Senators Feinstein, Warren, Harris, Collins, Gillibrand and McCaskill, are leading the fight to hold the current Administration to account.
The young Swedish girl in Ms. Poriskova’s story stood up to the bully in the schoolyard and shut him down. Chancellor Merkel is doing that in Europe, and all across America women are mobilizing to turn this Administration and those who enable it, out of office. Mark my words; it will be the women of America who will lead the successful effort to end the political nightmare in which we currently find ourselves.
I currently live in Germany, whose Chancellor is arguably the leader of the free world.
The disrespect shown to her by our President was universally scorned by her supporters and her opponents alike, not because she is a woman and needed defending but because his behavior was an affront to the nation, directed at the person who is their elected leader. It has nothing to do with her gender and everything to do with simple right and wrong.
If one has been paying any attention to what is going on within the Resistance in America, you can’t help but notice that women are front and center. The Women’s March dwarfed the Inauguration by any honest measure, and women in Congress such as Senators Feinstein, Warren, Harris, Collins, Gillibrand and McCaskill, are leading the fight to hold the current Administration to account.
The young Swedish girl in Ms. Poriskova’s story stood up to the bully in the schoolyard and shut him down. Chancellor Merkel is doing that in Europe, and all across America women are mobilizing to turn this Administration and those who enable it, out of office. Mark my words; it will be the women of America who will lead the successful effort to end the political nightmare in which we currently find ourselves.
112
From your lips to God's ears...where ever She is presently hanging out...
1
Brava. I wonder if the shock a lot of my women friends are still in after Trump's bogus election is the response of a woman who has been violated.
6
What an outstanding article comparing regional importance, or lack of, that women can either claim or relinquish. It is a true shame that American Women have so little control over their bodies or lives. I wonder when our "Government" will let women control their own bodies, careers, and income.
Again, great article, thanks from a male child of the 60's. Remember the sexual revolution? I always thought we won - I guess I was wrong.
Again, great article, thanks from a male child of the 60's. Remember the sexual revolution? I always thought we won - I guess I was wrong.
4
Thank you for this Paulina. We need to hear this over and over again until we see change. Every woman in this country knows only the reality that surrounds us and it's hard. I can't imagine living in a society where women actually have power equal to men.
Please don't lose the principles you learned in Sweden and continue to share them. It makes a difference.
Please don't lose the principles you learned in Sweden and continue to share them. It makes a difference.
11
This is not a useful version of feminism. Self empowerment isn't feminism, at least not the kind that was once about dismantling the patriarchy that we have existed in for centuries.
Women, minorities, poor people, LGBTQ people and others don't need a seat at the table of power. We need to flip the table over and not play the power game. Being allowed to get rich and famous, or be promiscuous, or not face criticism for doing anything we want is simply buying in to the power game. That's actually thinking in terms of pure power, pure patriarchy.
This modern "feminism" does the work of patriarchy because it makes one feel good. It's all about getting ahead and effectively ignoring the fact that any social system that hordes the benefits of society for some at the expense of the suffering of others is hypocritical and wrong.
The ethical struggle is to recognize that we all have responsibility to everyone as equals by virtue of sharing the same space on Earth. It matters not that we are women, men or some subset of gender, national, racial or any other identity. Equality and human dignity cannot be found when we buy in to the power game. This modern, universal, feel-good feminism is meaningless. Read some Dworkin. Read Jessa Crispin. Read literature besides what you find on the internet and learn that if you're thinking "I'm a feminist" in terms of self empowerment you want your personal power, not equality for humanity. That won't bring the end of patriarchy, ever.
Women, minorities, poor people, LGBTQ people and others don't need a seat at the table of power. We need to flip the table over and not play the power game. Being allowed to get rich and famous, or be promiscuous, or not face criticism for doing anything we want is simply buying in to the power game. That's actually thinking in terms of pure power, pure patriarchy.
This modern "feminism" does the work of patriarchy because it makes one feel good. It's all about getting ahead and effectively ignoring the fact that any social system that hordes the benefits of society for some at the expense of the suffering of others is hypocritical and wrong.
The ethical struggle is to recognize that we all have responsibility to everyone as equals by virtue of sharing the same space on Earth. It matters not that we are women, men or some subset of gender, national, racial or any other identity. Equality and human dignity cannot be found when we buy in to the power game. This modern, universal, feel-good feminism is meaningless. Read some Dworkin. Read Jessa Crispin. Read literature besides what you find on the internet and learn that if you're thinking "I'm a feminist" in terms of self empowerment you want your personal power, not equality for humanity. That won't bring the end of patriarchy, ever.
1
This is an articulate and appealing essay, worthy of wide circulation. I am not sure I understand the Times's identification of Ms. Porzikova as a "former supermodel." Is it Times' editorial policy to identify some as "supermodels" and others as just "models'? Does the Times style guide distinguish between the two? And in light of the author's comment - "In America, important men were desirable. Important women had to be desirable. That got to me" - should there be mention that the author is married to '80s American rock star Ric Ocasek? Surely, the story is more complicated for American women and for Swedish or Czech immigrant women without these advantages.
5
As to the Ocasek "advantage", I seem to remember that Ms. Porzikova was a successful "supermodel" with an established career before being linked with Ric Ocasek.
Back in the day, her image not only reigned over the newstands but she also co-starred in a movie called "Anna." Playing a young model like herself, she held her own against professional actors. I had assumed she was Russian, as many must have. Wonderful to see her lovely face again, and hear such an intelligent voice behind it.
4
I think it is weird that so many comments here include a "very well written!" as if the comments' writers are elementary school teachers surprised over a student's work. Is it because the author is a model that people are surprised she can also write? The piece is in the NYT! She's written books! Why wouldn't it be very well written? Why the immediate need to first comment on quality rather than content?
21
You miss the point. This is an amazingly well written essay not because it is grammatically correct. Look beyond that. It is interesting, well structured, substantive and fascinating. The author is a thinker and an excellent writer. And this work is head and shoulders above the usual op ed which bogs down in dreary usually around a sagging middle.
This author is a true writer.
This author is a true writer.
There is a rather patronizing air to such comments, isn't there!
1
That's how people describe even well-educated black folks like Obama as "articulate"
"I was 9 when I first stepped into a Swedish school. Freshly arrived from Czechoslovakia,..."
At that ages you knew mostly nothing what "woman" means at all. And also you mostly don't remember what happened with you at that ages.
At that ages you knew mostly nothing what "woman" means at all. And also you mostly don't remember what happened with you at that ages.
Nonsense. Our brain has strong and able memory forming capacity around age 3. As for thinking that one's sexual identity is unformed prior to puberty, that is nonsense too. Even small children, much younger than 9, display sexuality, and every person begins absorbing what the culture tells us about gender roles at the breast.
Research shows that babies in hospitals are treated differently from the moment of birth based on the babies sex. Yes your training as less valuable than a male starts at the first breath.
All your life as a female you are treated as "less than". Its so ingrained almost all females are unaware of the extent of the damage done to them by everyone.
All your life as a female you are treated as "less than". Its so ingrained almost all females are unaware of the extent of the damage done to them by everyone.
1
Petro, by the age of 9, every little girl in the US is acutely aware of the fact that she is female and not male, and is already learning the disadvantages and restrictions that her sex confers compared to being a boy. As for little boys, our society still considers being male the default "normal" sex of a human being, with female being a variant. Therefore I imagine boys are less aware of their own sex-related social status at that age, except for the sense that girls come below boys in the social hierarchy.
The author concludes this article by stating that she's a feminist, as if her discussion prior to this defines feminism. Her discussion revolves around heterosexual women's relationship to men, much of it (not all) focusing on sex. That's great that she "owns" her sexuality. People under 40 have different experiences than people in her generation.
A large majority of single parents are middle to lower income women. Is this brand of feminism really that helpful to them? Are they really going to feel more empowered simply by taking the author's view of sex? Many may already share her view. Privileged white women like the author should discuss feminism in a way that would be more beneficial to women of all races and classes in this country, not just people like herself. It's a very libertarian attitude and self-serving view of feminism that turns many people off.
A large majority of single parents are middle to lower income women. Is this brand of feminism really that helpful to them? Are they really going to feel more empowered simply by taking the author's view of sex? Many may already share her view. Privileged white women like the author should discuss feminism in a way that would be more beneficial to women of all races and classes in this country, not just people like herself. It's a very libertarian attitude and self-serving view of feminism that turns many people off.
8
Its interesting that you think owning sexuality is for the rich. Removing the shamefulness around sex would go a long way in making society pro- choice. The latter, that is freedom of reproductive choice is critical for women across economic strata and particularly lower income women who cannot afford to raise a kid but not afford to go across state lines to get an abortion either.
Well, then you need to write about the topic from your point of view. We all have different experiences.
Try substituting "civil rights" in that final sentence: [It's this] "self-serving view of civil rights that turns many people off." Yeah, feminism is such a draaaaag. I find it such a turn-off. Such a buzzkill, ya know?
1
As an American man, I would believe anything you might write, due to my conditioned evaluation of your beauty.
5
I would never have thought a woman who had an affair with a married man could call herself a feminist, but I suppose you can label yourself anything, regardles of your actions.
9
How is that a contradiction?
Isn't this just American prudishness? Sometimes people just fall in love sincerely even if one partner happens to be married. C'est la vie.
1
What an insightful and high impact piece of editorial. One does not always need sophisticated vocabulary or pedantic verses to be eloquent or to elucidate one of the more unique pieces written about feminism. The
Great writing and eye opening comparison!
The way to get there is the women's right to choose. That ground is eroding now here, unfortunately.
The way to get there is the women's right to choose. That ground is eroding now here, unfortunately.
7
Feminism is a group victim ideology which does exact opposite of what it purports to do. It flourishes in America, circa 21sr century because America has always been about imbalances of power between people. Indentured slavery of whites Europeans. African Slave trade. Wealth inequality. Oppression of women. Now oppression of men. There is nothing revolutionary or progressive in the concept, except obtaining power over others via victimology. That's about it. We can do better.
4
Very interesting! Thank you!
Welcome home, Paulina. Thank you for lending your voice. Let's work to raise more voices until our chorus is heard far and wide.
Bravo, Ms. Porizkova!
You represent the serious feminists who struggle for the full social equality of women and men. You are not to be confused with the militant and/or wining feminists, such as those of Hillary Clinton's entourage, and who are attached to the coattails of the radical left, with all the other outspoken vegans, promoters of cannabis, and so-called politically correct.
Keep up the good work!
You represent the serious feminists who struggle for the full social equality of women and men. You are not to be confused with the militant and/or wining feminists, such as those of Hillary Clinton's entourage, and who are attached to the coattails of the radical left, with all the other outspoken vegans, promoters of cannabis, and so-called politically correct.
Keep up the good work!
Over 50 percent of white women voted for Trump in our Presidential election. That tells you how far we have to go.
19
Wow. Love you Paulina. This is wonderful. You've said it all, eloquently.
7
Good piece, thank you.
Thanks, fellow-Swede-turned-American!
Time for this woman to write a book.
One of the best commentaries I've read in a very long time. Thank you Ms. Porizkova. As an American who chooses to live outside the US for obvious reasons, I find it a fascinating comparison in lifestyles, attitudes and philosophies. It reminds me of when my parents taught my brothers and me that we we were raised in "the greatest country in the world," and we were very lucky to have grown up in the United States of America. I no longer believe that to be true, and it makes me sad. Many people reading my comment will say "good riddance to you." You can only say that for so long before you start to notice that the people who make the country great are all either leaving or fighting you. I'm glad Ms. Porizkova has chosen to fight. Brava!
Obvious answer: go home. Simply another immigrant finding something wrong with America. It didn't used to be that way. I am first generation in America. Many of my friends in Queens as a kid were also first or second generation. Our families loved America. They knew how lucky they were. So, I say again, to this lady, go home. Or, stop whining.
1
Truly a remarkably insightful piece. I will share this with my daughter right away!
An amazing world view, gathered in 4 countries, by 18 years old. Great story Paulina..
Excellent Analysis
I get tired of patronizing by male relatives. I can travel alone from US to my native place, a small town in India but, I cannot move freely in my town or nearby cities.
I get tired of patronizing by male relatives. I can travel alone from US to my native place, a small town in India but, I cannot move freely in my town or nearby cities.
Brilliant. I love this piece. Did not know Paula was such a good writer!!
Thank you for publishing.
Thank you for publishing.
Great writing! I want to hear more about how American women can change things for ourselves.
Terrific,clear, more from the author please.
Brava
Thank you for this beautiful, insightful piece.
4
As a European who lived in the US for many years (before returning back to Europe), I could never understand why the supposedly oldest feminist movement in the world was never able to obtain paid parental leave across the country and universal health care and the right to choose without being harassed, not to speak of equal pay: what have American feminists being doing all these years????
5
"....what have American feminists being doing all these years????"
Being stonewalled by our own government through a horrifying mix of church and state with lets them get away with it. Not to mention our own populous not getting behind female government officials to put them in places to make a more measurable difference than they have now.
I mean this a a country that had a multitude of people worried about what would happen when Clinton got her period. (Which she is post-menopausal and doesn't have them anyways). This only highlights the failure of our education system about basic anatomy because anything sex or sex organ related is a cultural taboo.
It's a lot of things. If one searches "Why I need Feminism" one can find several articles on the system and influences from our culture. I certainly can't begin to list them all with a comment length character limit.
Cheers!
Being stonewalled by our own government through a horrifying mix of church and state with lets them get away with it. Not to mention our own populous not getting behind female government officials to put them in places to make a more measurable difference than they have now.
I mean this a a country that had a multitude of people worried about what would happen when Clinton got her period. (Which she is post-menopausal and doesn't have them anyways). This only highlights the failure of our education system about basic anatomy because anything sex or sex organ related is a cultural taboo.
It's a lot of things. If one searches "Why I need Feminism" one can find several articles on the system and influences from our culture. I certainly can't begin to list them all with a comment length character limit.
Cheers!
Much of the root of the problem is America's residual Puritanism, which has led to - and continues to lead to - many other kinds of evils. Encouraging feminism can put a major dent into the Puritanism, but other strategies are also needed.
7
Seems a bit extreme. I work in corporate America and have done budgeting so am familiar with salaries and so while I acknowledge that there are differences between the median salaries for men and women, the differences are not such the women earn but a pittance. Nor are women managers rare. So while the discussion of sexual phobia is worthy, I am not sure of the rest.
2
I grew up in California, fell in love with a Norwegian, and now live in Norway. There are important reasons the Nordic countries have achieved a greater level of sexual equality than the rest of the world: 1) quotas requiring equal ratios of women and men in parliament; 2) excellent maternity and paternity leave; 3) good quality, subsidized child care w/ nearly 100 % coverage; 4) free university; 5) economic regulations providing decent living wages for all and nearly free, universal health care. What does a high level of regulation really mean? Socialism. These policies will never be implemented in the US as long as citizens in the US continue to buy into the current political rhetoric.
Sexism is still alive and healthy in the Nordic countries but too a much lesser degree than probably anywhere outside the Nordic countries. Girls, including my daughter, still face sexism. Traditionally higher paying male dominated fields are still male dominated. Most leadership positions are still held by men, especially in the private sector. Rape statistics are similar to other countries and there is still a culture of victim-blaming. But positive change is constant. I am very happy my daughter is growing up in a place where she receives more respect and greater opportunities than she would if she was growing up in the US. Nevertheless, there is no place on this planet where equal rights for all has been achieved, yet, so I am and always will be a feminist.
Sexism is still alive and healthy in the Nordic countries but too a much lesser degree than probably anywhere outside the Nordic countries. Girls, including my daughter, still face sexism. Traditionally higher paying male dominated fields are still male dominated. Most leadership positions are still held by men, especially in the private sector. Rape statistics are similar to other countries and there is still a culture of victim-blaming. But positive change is constant. I am very happy my daughter is growing up in a place where she receives more respect and greater opportunities than she would if she was growing up in the US. Nevertheless, there is no place on this planet where equal rights for all has been achieved, yet, so I am and always will be a feminist.
427
Thank you for such a wonderful piece. I work with people from all over the world, mostly with women, and reading your words helped me make sense of the observations I've made over the years. Beautifully written.
22
I've always thought other countries don't have the neroses America does about women. Even Canada is far more reasonable on gender issues. As the author says, there are plenty of countries were women are less liberated, but few that pretend to such perfect equality while finding a million ways to undermine women in practice. My hope is that this constant contradiction will one day lead to a boiling over that forces a final confrontation on the gender issue.
16
Thanks for writing such a thought-provoking, wry and powerful piece. I look forward to all you write next.
16
Wow! Thank you!
10
. . . your surpassing beauty has always spoken volumes, but your words are even more powerful powerful. And while perhaps I should not have been surprised, I was. What a fantastic piece, especially when so many people are still stupidly ashamed, reluctant, something (yes, I am talking about you, Megyn Kelly), to use the word feminist. Thank you . . .
14
Welcome to the club, Paulina!
16
The author's observations in Sweden illustrate what has been observed true for millennia:
"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior." -Socrates
Once equal legally, a woman's biological prerogatives in reproduction and sexuality make societally superior. Sweden illustrates the society America fears and represses.
"Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior." -Socrates
Once equal legally, a woman's biological prerogatives in reproduction and sexuality make societally superior. Sweden illustrates the society America fears and represses.
25
Ah, Paulina, you knew how to wear a dress and pose so well. It was a pleasure watching you in Vogue. But girl, you really know how to write. Ever thought of going to politics? Maybe just lend a voice, please?!?
344
Very insightful I made a different journey: male, moving from US to Scandinavia.
I am a feminist.
I am a feminist.
29
This is a much-needed discussion. Thanks, Paulina. Beautifully written, by the way -- I'm looking forward to reading more from you.
29
As the world become more flat, people move across countries and continents for jobs, love and aspiration. This is a candid and timely essay echoing the sentiment of many women living in this modern age. It is progress we get to know and experience being a woman in different cultures. Declaring ourselves a feminist is visceral, an action necessary to persevere our belief of gender equality, for the future of our boys and girls.
23
Swedish has less than 5 million people. Even Manhattan has more people. Not fair to compare 5 million people to 350 million. Women are treated differently in California Vs. Alabama
22
Well, it's actually ten million people.
18
So tell me how women are treated differently in different states. I hadn't noticed. My treatment in California was really no better than SC or VA or DC. Of course, I'm a woman, so how would I know?
9
It is the dynamic and the culture, regardless of scale.
5
This was a beautiful essay.
Unfortunately, too many women in America are complicit in keeping things the way they are. They shy away from proclaiming themselves feminists and frequently join the chorus in deriding women who do. They frame workplace equality issues not in terms of their capabilities, but issues related to motherhood (expanded maternity leave, breastfeeding rooms, childcare). Not saying those things aren't important, but the narrow definition of what a woman should be (wife, mother) continues to shackle women in America. To make matters worse, they view men who are preoccupied by what they do with their bodies as protectors.
Unfortunately, too many women in America are complicit in keeping things the way they are. They shy away from proclaiming themselves feminists and frequently join the chorus in deriding women who do. They frame workplace equality issues not in terms of their capabilities, but issues related to motherhood (expanded maternity leave, breastfeeding rooms, childcare). Not saying those things aren't important, but the narrow definition of what a woman should be (wife, mother) continues to shackle women in America. To make matters worse, they view men who are preoccupied by what they do with their bodies as protectors.
46
Yes, women who are not feminists are complicit in keeping things the way they are, just like men who are not feminists.
We need more feminists!
We need more feminists!
Patriarchy! A system in which we all participate.
A lot of the feminism movement has become synonym to lesbians, which doesn't help the hetero feminism.
What a fantastic piece of writing, Ms. Porizkova.
I love asking my fellow American women if they are feminists. So many of them hem and haw and get defensive about feminism. This is because people like the brilliant Rush Limbaugh, the cerebral Donald Trump and the genius Bill O'Reilly have turned the word feminist into a pejorative.
But, ask one of these defensive women if they think women should be paid equally, or whether there should be greater representation of women in Congress, or if their daughters should have the same opportunities as their sons, and all of a sudden they sure sound like feminists.
Time to take the word back.
I love asking my fellow American women if they are feminists. So many of them hem and haw and get defensive about feminism. This is because people like the brilliant Rush Limbaugh, the cerebral Donald Trump and the genius Bill O'Reilly have turned the word feminist into a pejorative.
But, ask one of these defensive women if they think women should be paid equally, or whether there should be greater representation of women in Congress, or if their daughters should have the same opportunities as their sons, and all of a sudden they sure sound like feminists.
Time to take the word back.
129
Totally agree with this article. I think the word feminist is a precursor to a word like equalist. We all have different physical parts, but is that such a big deal? Take the parts out of the equation. You're left with IQ, ability, work ethic, all the things you want in a driven workforce. At this point in history, do we really need women cranking out babies to work the farm? Call me kooky, but I think not.
2
Sorry, but the people who have turned the word feminist into a pejorative are the feminists themselves. Third wave feminism is less attractive because it's no longer about equality but about hate. Thankfully, a movement which cheers a Valerie Solanas will have problems attracting a wider following.
2
a goss over-simplification.No one in their right mind can oppose any of the things mentioned in your last paragraph. the problem arises from attempts to blame all men for these injustices and to interpret all issues in terms of gender.
1
Paulina, brava and thank you for this insightful and acutely observed piece. I remember you as a young model in New York around the time I came to the city, and the fashion business, from South Africa. Your writing is as elegant as you are, and everything you say resonates deeply for me. I look forward to reading your novel!
35
I find these contrasts interesting, but the arguments also disappoint me. As an American who has lived over a decade in a northern European country, I have to say the trying and failing to do it all (at lower pay) is a huge issue here too. Sweden is a bit of an outlier, but I have also lived in France and experienced more sexism there than anywhere else I've lived. Not everyone wants to -or can be -be a vixen to get what they want. For me, the point isn't just place, it's age -you know when I noticed most of the double standards? When I was in my mid-20s and had children. If Paulina moved to the US at 18, I'm guessing she spent her entire adult life there. As a teenager, you have a different perspective on everything- at least I didn't notice or care about a lot of issues I care about now because I quite simply had no reason to be aware of them. I didn't become a feminist because of living anywhere - I always was one, but I only owned it when I got older.
30
To expand on my above comment, I do absolutely agree with Paulina's observations on the issues surrounding sex & the ownership of our bodies. I just wanted to point out that the issues in feminism go far beyond sexuality, and that women face well-hidden, deeply embedded inequality in a lot of facets of life, many of which are difficult to see clearly until you experience them firsthand in a job or as a mother. As a child, everything looks different. And the owenership of women's bodies by the government appears in several European countries in a different guise than in the US - bans of headscarves and burkinis. The US has a lot of work to do, a lot, but so do other countries.
12
I recommend this, as well as the original reply, but with some reservation regarding the comment about [some] inequalities being veiled until one's role is that of a mother. I have noticed at my workplace that the new feminism appears to be the 'enlightenment' of producing children, which has become a badge of empowerment and revolution. For some it may be, but it is ironic that it is one that fits the definition of womanhood perfectly within the male view, and often pits the story and struggle of women's ownership of their own bodies and selves against women who cannot, choose not, or for whatever reason, do not find the role of 'mother' to be the ultimate experience of what it is to be a woman.
11
I think much of the problem arises from the fact that American culture puts a lesser value on "work" that has been traditionally performed by women. So a woman who chooses to stay at home and raise kids is seen as somehow "less" than a woman who works a job or does both. The point is women should have the right to choose and not feel devalued for whatever decision they decide to make. I've decided personally not to have children and pursue a career - but what societal role could possibly be more important than raising children?
5
This is such an insightful piece. It would be great if you would write more about this topic as well as your experiences as a citizen of the world.
20
I find it interesting that the author and many commenters describe the wonders of other countries, but for seem reason they all still want to live here, rather than there.
12
What makes you think they want to?
I don't want to.
If you think emigration is easy, you must know it only from a large distance.
I don't want to.
If you think emigration is easy, you must know it only from a large distance.
14
We have the most opportunity in the world. But we are not perfect.
6
au contraire, I left the USA in 1984 - then for musically greener pastures - and can't imagine returning. I used to refer to myself as a "cultural refugee" But it is saddening to feel how very distant I've become from "home" (even my daughter says my english sound 50 years antique) None of my kids want to settle in the states, though they hope (scholarships willing) to study there. Berlin and many other German cities see a net of immigrants from the states, not just Syria. I can imagine its similar in Sweden... especially when even Czech men feel enough social pressure to become equal partners.
BTW - the article itself is great! Thanks PP
BTW - the article itself is great! Thanks PP
16
This piece demonstrates that one does not require sophisticated vocabulary or pedantic ideas to illustrate insightful points of view. In this case, that point of view is unique and refreshing compared to the bulk of what we read about feminism. It raises the question of which sex (or gender) is perpetuating this paranoid, medieval, division of the sexes that beckons feminism in the USA? Yes, there are men out there who have the need for power and control leading to the intended or unintended oppression of females of all ages. But what about American women themselves. Ms. Porizkova bring up how Swedish, French, and Czech women adapt/mal-adapt to these adversities, so is the divide and need for feminism a mal-adaptation by American women, and if it is, then is the obstacle to equality emanating from the men or from the women. Her Czech father adapted to the Swedish way because of a new Swedish wife. So in this isolated case, it exemplifies that it is the woman who has to show the way. The fact we do not have more female politicians, CEOs, scientists when we have a free society, women suffrage for nearly the last century, and large women workforce and student bodies, makes me wonder if women are dissatisfied with their role/mal-adaptation in the US. Before women get the respect they deserve like in other cultures, women must stand up for themselves and show solidarity. Many if not the majority of men will join them, but they have to take the lead and form a clear majority first.
31
Grad degree engineering, lived abroad, speak 3 other languages, founded and ran an engineering company, raised 2 boys, and do my own home repairs. Is this enough for you?
I have also spent the past 30 years ignoring, debating, and full on fighting all kinds of unexpected misogyny. It has ranged from the petty passive aggressive stuff to outright, uncalled for aggression. It hasn't waned, in fact there's currently a fairly virulent resurgence. So, yeah, go ahead and make women responsible for men's behavior.
I have also spent the past 30 years ignoring, debating, and full on fighting all kinds of unexpected misogyny. It has ranged from the petty passive aggressive stuff to outright, uncalled for aggression. It hasn't waned, in fact there's currently a fairly virulent resurgence. So, yeah, go ahead and make women responsible for men's behavior.
As an American living in the Netherlands, I am very glad my daughter is growing up here for exactly these reasons.
113
"here" meaning the Netherlands, I assume.
Absolutely outstanding, many thanks to the author and the NYT!
43
Thoroughly enjoyed this. This should be required reading!
42
This is a great article and I hope you write some more on differences in cultural outlooks, especially having to do with women. Most Americans do not have the opportunity to live in other countries for an extended period of time and experience a different way of life and a different mindset, so we do need to hear from people who have done this.
I was born here in the USA, and I think I was born a feminist because I have always felt that women are as valuable to a society as men, and should have equal opportunities and respect for their contributions. Both my grandmothers came from Northern Europe and were strong, independent women, so I had good role models (or maybe Nordic feminist genes).
I was born here in the USA, and I think I was born a feminist because I have always felt that women are as valuable to a society as men, and should have equal opportunities and respect for their contributions. Both my grandmothers came from Northern Europe and were strong, independent women, so I had good role models (or maybe Nordic feminist genes).
26
Can't wait to read this to my daughter!
Thanks Paulina!
Thanks Paulina!
27
Really interesting -- especially about young Swedish girls and boys. Often American girls start out strong and confident -- until about age 11, when sexism and harassment become more overt. I saw this happen to my own daughter, even though I tried to combat it. It mirrored my own experience in my teens.
I have never disavowed the term "feminist." What advances we have gained in the last 40 years are owed to these women -- and some men -- who continue to struggle against the glass ceilings and other overt and covert forms of discrimination.
There is hope in the current generation of young parents. My son has awakened even more to gender disparities as he raises his two young daughters. Fathers have a huge role in raising strong women.
I have never disavowed the term "feminist." What advances we have gained in the last 40 years are owed to these women -- and some men -- who continue to struggle against the glass ceilings and other overt and covert forms of discrimination.
There is hope in the current generation of young parents. My son has awakened even more to gender disparities as he raises his two young daughters. Fathers have a huge role in raising strong women.
86
Very well written and enlightening. My first thought was of this past election, with the supposed 'defeat' of Hillary Clinton, a smart woman who knows her mind, often speaks boldly, whose balanced vision was blotted out by the creature from the deep lagoon, The Donald.
When reading the mainstream media during the campaign, I saw far too few references to the obstacles facing a woman who came a hair's breadth from becoming president. Though many would not express it, certainly Hillary breaking that glass ceiling barrier as the first female president and how hard that was, was just not talked about much.
When Hillary spoke her mind, she was painted as a shrew, a conniver with unlimited access to wealthy friends. When Boy Donald was running, his insults were proclaimed by his base 'he speaks his mind!' and 'he is a man of action' and his wealth and wealthy friends, an asset, something to be admired, not demeaned or feared.
A double standard is indeed alive and well today in these United States of America.
When reading the mainstream media during the campaign, I saw far too few references to the obstacles facing a woman who came a hair's breadth from becoming president. Though many would not express it, certainly Hillary breaking that glass ceiling barrier as the first female president and how hard that was, was just not talked about much.
When Hillary spoke her mind, she was painted as a shrew, a conniver with unlimited access to wealthy friends. When Boy Donald was running, his insults were proclaimed by his base 'he speaks his mind!' and 'he is a man of action' and his wealth and wealthy friends, an asset, something to be admired, not demeaned or feared.
A double standard is indeed alive and well today in these United States of America.
502
Supposed defeat?
On planet earth Trump won. Hillary lost. The end. People who play sports understand this win loss concept. It is disheartening that some who know everything about everything to hear them tell it do not.
On planet earth Trump won. Hillary lost. The end. People who play sports understand this win loss concept. It is disheartening that some who know everything about everything to hear them tell it do not.
2
This piece is well written in that it is lively and readable, but I don't find the ideas it contains to be impressive or its arguments convincing. First, of the three cultural case studies based upon Ms Porizkova's personal experience, two are from before she turned eighteen, in Sweden and France, three if you count Czechoslovakia. I am about her age and I do not weigh the first two decades of my life so heavily. Those that followed have been as or more important to how I understand my life. Second, the strength of the Swedish girl was demonstrated by physical violence rather than rational and articulate argument. That is not an impressive show of intelligence or strength but the weak response of a person with no better option. Third, I do not think that the experiences of a highly successful international model and actress map very well onto those of a woman living a more typical life, whatever her culture. So why the great applause? Because she said she is a feminist? What happened to the virtue of the strong Swedish woman? Fourth, I have known seductive Swedish women and forthright French women, thank God, so let's drop the cliches taken from preteen and teenage years. In fact, I find most people around the world to be remarkably the same, human to the core and possessing the same mix of strengths and weaknesses that is inherent to the species, men included. And on that note, wouldn't it be interesting to hear their side of the stories that Ms Porizkova tells?
47
I've lived abroad as an adult, American woman, in three different, European countries.
This tracks with my experience.
And while I agree with this commenter that anecdotal accounts aren't the most persuasive, her observations, particularly re. Sweden vs. the US, also show up in the research.
For instance, the World Economic Forum ranks Sweden the fourth most 'gender equal' country in the world. Out of 144 countries, the US ranks 45th--far behind both Sweden and France.
Instead of writing off her point of view as the silly observations of a young woman (and I'd guess that as an international celebrity, she's done a great deal of traveling back and forth in her adulthood as well), why not take it instead as one perspective on a well-documented, empirical reality for women?
Or at least check to see if the numbers back her observations, before you dismiss them...
This tracks with my experience.
And while I agree with this commenter that anecdotal accounts aren't the most persuasive, her observations, particularly re. Sweden vs. the US, also show up in the research.
For instance, the World Economic Forum ranks Sweden the fourth most 'gender equal' country in the world. Out of 144 countries, the US ranks 45th--far behind both Sweden and France.
Instead of writing off her point of view as the silly observations of a young woman (and I'd guess that as an international celebrity, she's done a great deal of traveling back and forth in her adulthood as well), why not take it instead as one perspective on a well-documented, empirical reality for women?
Or at least check to see if the numbers back her observations, before you dismiss them...
153
And who says feminists don't have a sense of humor?
PS-Must we judge everything?
PS-Must we judge everything?
1
You're quite right. When a woman writes about her experience as a woman, it's cruel and unjust of her not to write about men's experience. Noted.
6
Very interesting & insightful article, Having travelled across the globe I can totally relate to your views, couple of months back I was stating the same that women are given more liberty in Europe and It is perceived as European women are forward :). I was surprised and happy to see this article. Not only in Czechoslovakia, women are treated similarly in Asia too.
It's good read. Thanks
It's good read. Thanks
44
A great essay, but so depressing. :(
28
The best medicines for depression are anger, followed by action.
47
AWESOME. Paulina, write a work of non-fiction next expanding on this theme. Brilliant.
33
Wow. Really loved this article! Well done, Paulina. The US is truly anti-feminist these days... :-/ Sad but true. I hope your words help more women to own their power.
69
The US is not only anti-feminist but anti-women. Unless one employs one's Pretty Girl Privilege, because Pretty is Power, but not that much.
32
Wow. Thank-you Paulina for giving me insight into what my Czech grandmother must've gone through.
She came here more than one hundred years ago from Prague, and as a Catholic, bore 11 children, my mother being the youngest. She was completely worn out by the time it came to raise my mother.
There was no reconciling the photo of the beautiful, young immigrant with faraway sky blue eyes, her first daughter on her lap, to the elderly woman she became by age 50. By my mother's account, she was sadly treated by my grandfather exactly as you describe.
None of her children stayed with her church; all became protestants, mostly Lutheran.
She came here more than one hundred years ago from Prague, and as a Catholic, bore 11 children, my mother being the youngest. She was completely worn out by the time it came to raise my mother.
There was no reconciling the photo of the beautiful, young immigrant with faraway sky blue eyes, her first daughter on her lap, to the elderly woman she became by age 50. By my mother's account, she was sadly treated by my grandfather exactly as you describe.
None of her children stayed with her church; all became protestants, mostly Lutheran.
46
Might one just not argue that feminism (like most isms) is not absolute or monolithic but takes on different forms and definitions depending upon different societies and its norms?
16
No, the war remains the same, only the battle tactics change with the field of engagement. Feminism is about a woman being valued for all she is and all she contributes, not as a beautiful object or a source of sexual release or a safe haven after a hard day. The Czech housewife, the immigrant girl in Sweden, the French coquette and the American tethered balloon are the same women with the same needs. How their specific societies fail them may differ but the source and result of the failure remains the same.
2
Such as in an Orwellian dystopia?
Like the one bearing down on the United States?
Like the one bearing down on the United States?
2
I guess, that's what the author demonstrates, no?
I am a Nigerian woman and currently living in the U.S. I am also married to an American who lived in Africa until we moved to California. Your article is so spot on and I truly relate to it. I grew up in Nigeria, in a family where my father was a role model to me as a young girl. I had alway thought I could do anything as a woman. Among my female colleagues her in America I sometimes feel they see me as a dangerous woman, perhaps i am assertive, too out spoken and too well what I want in life.
I also, quickly realized that as a woman my ambitions are in conflict among some women in my community. This includes women who purport to be feminists whom I would think would be the most supportive in my endeavors. They are not. Through patronizing attitude, competition and even envy. I often feel some of these women intentionally marginalize me.
As an African, one of the things that surprised me most was the intrusion of government into women’s bodies and personal affairs. This one has been very hard for me to reconcile.
I also, quickly realized that as a woman my ambitions are in conflict among some women in my community. This includes women who purport to be feminists whom I would think would be the most supportive in my endeavors. They are not. Through patronizing attitude, competition and even envy. I often feel some of these women intentionally marginalize me.
As an African, one of the things that surprised me most was the intrusion of government into women’s bodies and personal affairs. This one has been very hard for me to reconcile.
338
Thank you for sharing this. I think that for most women who have always lived in the US, this government intrusion into women's bodies and choices is the norm. It's gotten worse since we achieved the right to control our reproductive lives, but since that day in 1973 government has slowly chipped away at it to the point that we're on the verge of losing it altogether. Never has the feminist slogan "Keep your laws off my body!" been more relevant.
5
Beautifully articulated, Paulina. Thank you for shining the light on the need for active feminism in our country.
39
Fabulous. Just truly Fabulous.
32
More than just well written. The writer has a bird's eye cultural perspective and combines it with insightful analysis. That she never felt the 'need' to be a feminist before coming to the US is a sad indictment of our predominant culture.
191
This is such a well written essay that it has moved me in unexpected ways. Is clear, short and full of meaning. Is difficult to say it better. The road ahead is still long but becoming clearer....
60
Señora Porizkova, What a perceptive piece steeped in your unique multicultural experiences.
In Latin America, even in an openly patriarchal and machista culture, we are closer to the Swedish model than the North American one. Yes, men assume that they have power and privilege, but society has left the majority of poor women single mothers. We have no choice but to be strong and independent. It's a matter of survival.
In Colombia, the majority of the 8 million internally displaced people are women and children. Feminism here is not so much about reproductive rights and equal wages for professionals as in North America and Europe but rather about a more just and equal economy and society for all.
Women at the grassroots are disproportionately in the forefront of this struggle for change. As we in Colombia begin to consolidate a recently-signed peace agreement ending over a half century of civil war, we expect that the post-conflict society will lay the foundation for a more equal society and for a more feminist society. 40% of the guerrillas that will lay down their arms over the next few weeks are women. In the battle between feminism and machismo, I would wager on feminism every time.
In Latin America, even in an openly patriarchal and machista culture, we are closer to the Swedish model than the North American one. Yes, men assume that they have power and privilege, but society has left the majority of poor women single mothers. We have no choice but to be strong and independent. It's a matter of survival.
In Colombia, the majority of the 8 million internally displaced people are women and children. Feminism here is not so much about reproductive rights and equal wages for professionals as in North America and Europe but rather about a more just and equal economy and society for all.
Women at the grassroots are disproportionately in the forefront of this struggle for change. As we in Colombia begin to consolidate a recently-signed peace agreement ending over a half century of civil war, we expect that the post-conflict society will lay the foundation for a more equal society and for a more feminist society. 40% of the guerrillas that will lay down their arms over the next few weeks are women. In the battle between feminism and machismo, I would wager on feminism every time.
57
In just a few months’ time last year, this country went from being on the verge of electing its first female president to ushering in a new administration that will be remembered for demagogy, racial and religious bias, and rampant abuse of power. But as Ms. Porizkova observed, this is not just a few bad individuals. It is a persistent cultural problem in the United States. Susan Chira and Nicole Serratore wrote in these pages yesterday about the parallel between Mr. Comey’s experience and sexual harassment experienced by many women. But contrast the public treatment of Mr. Comey with that of Ms. Anita Hill, who was subjected to hostile questioning in public. Back then as it is today, misogyny and sexual violence towards women is not sufficient to disqualify men from holding some of the most important offices in our government.
269
As a Canadian who has lived in the United States for many years I am always surprised by the failure of many commentators to recognise the powerful influence that American religious beliefs have on such issues of health care, ,education ,gender identity and equality,the environment,race and politics. In most developed nations such as Canada and Sweden separation of the state and religion is accepted and respected and religion is viewed in a very personal,non-judgemental way with compassion ,humility,tolerance and compassion as guiding principles.
443
You are absolutely correct. Furthermore as we get closer to a progressive and diverse future the religious right panic and get a stranglehold on the rest of us. Enter Trump.
5
I agree fully with your remarks. That is why I am always surprised to hear Americans take pride in what they call "American exceptionalism" and pretend that they are an example to the world. This is a society based on violence, hate and hypocrisy. Not that they are alone in this, but given their pretension...it makes it even worse to consider how far off the mark they are.
6
Thank you for this. Note that Sweden and the Scandinavian countries are predominately secular. Organized religion (ALL organized religion) is the bane of humanity and in particular, womankind. Religion tells women they are less than, should be subservient, keep quiet in church and temple, should sit in the back, should keep their head covered, should not question or buck authority (men), etc., etc. The list goes on and on. This carries over into society in general. Christopher Hitchen's was right, religion really does ruin everything - especially for women and girls.
689
Amen, to that, sister (pun intended). Organized religion throughout the ages has been the chosen instrument of the powerful to control the masses. When I am president, organized religion will be outlawed. People will still practice their religions, but they will do so quietly, in private, and our political discourse and legislating will improve 1000 percent as a result.
38
What about Confirmation Day in Denmark?
1
Not true. Many progressive Christians (and probably other progressive branches of religions, but I can only speak to what I know) believe in the equality of the sexes and have actively affirmed that for a long time. Check out the ELCA or UCC. Very progressive, leftist, pro-equality, LGBT-affirming, lovingkindness-infused branches of Protestantism.
1
Thank you Paulina, for this insightful piece. Interesting to read and unfortunately, relatable to me. Our struggle for equal rights is still painfully real in 2017. We, as women, are light years away to even dream of equality. I am with you. I am a FEMINIST.
64
Excellent and well-written!
20
You are also the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. A gift from God. But He not only made you beautiful He gave you wisdom.
Go use it wisely. Viva Paulina!
Go use it wisely. Viva Paulina!
18
There was something peculiar about all the raving comments found here; it read as if the next ten Nobel prizes in literature should go to the writer of this good, but short and light article. Then I looked at the photographs. People commenting here - many are women - seem to conflate great looks with a nice article and elevate it to a great monument of writing prowess. It's just an insightful but sometimes confused (feminism? What's that?) recount of one person's perspective. Stick in some modeling photos and it becomes omniscient and awesome! That's like me elevating a nice, sometimes confused article by a Real Madrid footballer to Great Writing just because I like to watch him score fabulous goals in a green field. That this fashion model strikes fabulous poses on camera should have nothing to do with the value and appreciation of her article, but I suspect it does, and quite a lot. Serious men would consider it frivolous and childlike to admire a great footballer's writing, just because he's a great footballer. I'd hope serious women would rise above in a similar way, but from the comments here it doesn't appear like it's happening.
14
I have to disagree - and would even argue that your accusations point to another kind of sexist paradox - women are often valued for their looks but discredited as capable if they happen to meet a certain standard of beauty. (Women do this too- we are all poisoned by sexism.) I read this in night mode and has no idea what she looks like I can genuinely say that her looks did not color my reception. I thought the simple illustration of the different power dynamics that are entangled with gender illuminated my own experience, as well as my experience of the world. Her description of what American women face rings especially and depressingly true.
One difficulty when fighting oppression is learning to recognize it as such. Oppression/sexism is often normalized in a way where each individual blames themselves in the same way that society blames them. I can look back at countless times that I internalized a situation as a failure on my part only to realize now I was a victim of an injustice compounded by my own blindness to the fact.
I think the light clear approach of sharing her experiences is valuable for those of us who would like to start a conversation about a way forward that includes a multiplicity of voices. As someone who grew up during a time when "feminist" was hurled as an insult, as a misogynistic accusation and rejection of your desirability, I have had to have my own reckoning with the word. I will use it until it is superlative - and pray that is soon.
One difficulty when fighting oppression is learning to recognize it as such. Oppression/sexism is often normalized in a way where each individual blames themselves in the same way that society blames them. I can look back at countless times that I internalized a situation as a failure on my part only to realize now I was a victim of an injustice compounded by my own blindness to the fact.
I think the light clear approach of sharing her experiences is valuable for those of us who would like to start a conversation about a way forward that includes a multiplicity of voices. As someone who grew up during a time when "feminist" was hurled as an insult, as a misogynistic accusation and rejection of your desirability, I have had to have my own reckoning with the word. I will use it until it is superlative - and pray that is soon.
6
Well put, but the (sad?) truth is that physical beauty - in men and in women - is highly valued in all societies. We can't help it - we like pretty people more than others.
Well put Ms. Porizkova, for feminism has almost died in the U.S. thanks to women, who want to be "submissive" to men. I have been a feminist most of my life, starting at a young age, thanks to reading "Wonder Woman" comic books and later studying it in college. I didn't learn it at home where the women in my family served men and let me control their bodies and finances.
By the time I was in my 20s, I saw a surge of feminism in this country and was proud of it. By the time I was in my 40s, I saw women in the U.S. stating they were proud to be "submissive" to men. Later, I saw women name calling Hillary Clinton, stating she was a woman and couldn't handle the role of being president. I saw working class women and some middle class women stating they had voted for Donald Trump because he was a man, because he was strong, he was wealthy, yet these same women name called the women who accused our now president of sexual harassment, commenting that the women who were "harassed" needed to just be stronger, for that is just what men do. I have been appalled by the behavior of women in this country towards other women. However, within days of Trump becoming president, I saw women march around the world and in this country against the overt sexism that become so common place in this country. Maybe there is hope. Chances are, there is and Ms. Porizkova has reminded me of that hope.
By the time I was in my 20s, I saw a surge of feminism in this country and was proud of it. By the time I was in my 40s, I saw women in the U.S. stating they were proud to be "submissive" to men. Later, I saw women name calling Hillary Clinton, stating she was a woman and couldn't handle the role of being president. I saw working class women and some middle class women stating they had voted for Donald Trump because he was a man, because he was strong, he was wealthy, yet these same women name called the women who accused our now president of sexual harassment, commenting that the women who were "harassed" needed to just be stronger, for that is just what men do. I have been appalled by the behavior of women in this country towards other women. However, within days of Trump becoming president, I saw women march around the world and in this country against the overt sexism that become so common place in this country. Maybe there is hope. Chances are, there is and Ms. Porizkova has reminded me of that hope.
82
Great article. Thank you!!!
A woman's place is where SHE wants to be.
Thank you for pointing out a few of the cultural differences you have experienced. Fortunately you have not experienced some of the worst cultures where women have been subjugated and dehumanized for millennia - and likely represent the condition of a majority of women on this planet. And we ALL exist because of women and their caring of us all!
Thank you for pointing out a few of the cultural differences you have experienced. Fortunately you have not experienced some of the worst cultures where women have been subjugated and dehumanized for millennia - and likely represent the condition of a majority of women on this planet. And we ALL exist because of women and their caring of us all!
33
Very nicely written. Equal rights for women will improve the lives of all.
Hope to read more of your opinion pieces.
Hope to read more of your opinion pieces.
21
Sexuality is one area where there is no one giver or receiver -- it's a Mutual act where in giving one receives and vice versa. Or, you might say, it's beyond the language to contain what sexual act is.
Sexuality is also more important than than most of us -- and I'm talking about the prevailing Muslim, Christian, Hindu, and even Buddhist traditions -- are able to comprehend because there is a strong connection with the eros, the life-affirming force that connects us to the flame of life. Devoid of this, we become sick, as the writer's experience in her native country and in France shows.
Owning sexuality is the last milestone that humanity may have to conquer -- to help achieve true freedom, both in body and imagination. When we'll have attained this level of freedom, it will be be heaven on earth.
Sexuality is also more important than than most of us -- and I'm talking about the prevailing Muslim, Christian, Hindu, and even Buddhist traditions -- are able to comprehend because there is a strong connection with the eros, the life-affirming force that connects us to the flame of life. Devoid of this, we become sick, as the writer's experience in her native country and in France shows.
Owning sexuality is the last milestone that humanity may have to conquer -- to help achieve true freedom, both in body and imagination. When we'll have attained this level of freedom, it will be be heaven on earth.
12
Sweden also pioneered the "Nordic" model of approaching the problem of prostitution, in effect criminalizing buying but not selling, in recognition of the fact that women in prostitution are at a disadvantage in such transactions. Thus instead of arresting the women, the government provides meaningful assistance with housing, training, and whatever else the women might need to break out of what we in the US sometimes refer to as "the life." The law in Sweden applies equally to women, men, transgender people and children in prostitution. It has been adopted in various forms in other Scandinavian countries, as well as in France (yes, French feminism is growing) and in the Irish Republic.
263
What a stunning essay and so perfectly to the point! What is indicates, more than anything, is how culturally bound the idea of gender roles are -- and how we rarely understand how different we all are.
American's so often think of the French as open and sexually free, while Ms. Porizkova paints a far different picture, more along the lines that DSK epitomizes.
American's so often think of the French as open and sexually free, while Ms. Porizkova paints a far different picture, more along the lines that DSK epitomizes.
25
Love the way this essay uses humour and nuances to make a powerful point. Specially love this paragraph" She was supposed to be a mother and a lover and a career woman (at a fraction of the pay) while remaining perpetually youthful and slim. In America, important men were desirable. Important women had to be desirable. That got to me." Writing like this is so important. It does a great job of rescuing the word 'feminist' which has sadly became such a loaded word.
66
Thank you for this. As a woman who's always been too independent for my own good I've never really belonged. I suspect that I would be much happier in Sweden.
The swedes have a much healthier attitude towards gender identity. They practice what we say we do without the Puritan undertones bringing us back down to our proper place. A recent survey indicated that Americans would be happier if our country was more like Sweden. Now I understand why.
The swedes have a much healthier attitude towards gender identity. They practice what we say we do without the Puritan undertones bringing us back down to our proper place. A recent survey indicated that Americans would be happier if our country was more like Sweden. Now I understand why.
46
Very interesting article on the societal norms that influence a female's sense of equality. The Civil Rights and women's rights movements in the US in the 1970s turned me into a feminist while I was at university through the writings of Betty Freidan and Gloria Steinem, as well as the Australian academic, Germaine Greer. But the soil was fertile as I was reared by a divorced mother who had to work at the only thing she was qualified for, house and hospital cleaning, to support my brother & me (no alimony). There are hard-won successes for women's equality: be on guard lest these are taken away.
35
PP - Great piece! Based on some of your interviews I remember from the 80s, when I became a fan, you've been a feminist from the get-go, whether you chose to wear the label or not. Plenty of room for active feminism in the modeling world, to be sure.
24
Paulina was my favorite model as a teen, not only because of her beauty, but her undeniable intelligence. A wonderful and important piece of writing.
30
I'd never heard of her before seeing "Gorky Park" in the 1980s. I always thought she was "just" a good actress.
Great thoughts/likable thoughts. I'll be passing this along to my incredibly talented twenty year old daughter. Thank you.
20
An interesting perspective, made more interesting by the fact that the legendary Paulina will bring more eyes to an article on feminism than the usual readers. However, as a feminist who views all women as equal not only to men but to one another as well, I am confused by the author's acceptance of the cultural and historical treatment of Czech women. I cannot see how a woman can call herself a feminist and still be comfortable labeling her Czech sisters as "unstable domestic animals," unless I am missing some sort of sarcasm? And the phrase "a woman knows her place" is one to surely rankle even the most casual humanist. Or perhaps my understanding of feminism is of some sort of old fashioned sort...
10
Yes, you missed the irony in those statements.
She's not labeling her Czech sisters. She's calling out how they're treated. Read the piece again. You misread her intent ...
3
She's clearly saying that this is how Czech men see Czech women. Read the previous sentence. The next sentence continues this thought.
The Feminist movement in the USA arose out of necessity. Still so much enlightenment to be learned by this society of ours. So much resistance to struggle against.
36
And a wonderful writer!!
29
What a cogent essay, one that should be read by everyone - especially our current President Trump.
50
Oh, what, you think he reads?
It's too long for him.
1
Ms. Porizkova, I have admired you since the late 1980s when I first became aware of your work as a model (and I was in college in Texas). Thank you for your thoughtful, insightful and culturally necessary comments. Few Americans, unfortunately, have the cultural context you arable to bring to a discussion of feminism.
I had the good fortune to live and study in other countries, and I remember the subtle differences in the ways I was regarded in Canada and France... Now I would like to visit Sweden and experience its "take" on women's roles. Thank you for a lively breath of fresh air.
I had the good fortune to live and study in other countries, and I remember the subtle differences in the ways I was regarded in Canada and France... Now I would like to visit Sweden and experience its "take" on women's roles. Thank you for a lively breath of fresh air.
31
It's wonderful to see one of the greats of the modeling world writing of her experiences so eloquently, especially as it spans different cultures. However, I continue to be bothered by the gross misunderstanding of the word "feminist" that she, commenters here, and many people in our society have. This idea that it somehow denotes insecurity, man-hating, or any other baggage it's acquired over decades of vitriolic and relentless attack by patriarchal culture is just wrong and it needs to be confronted and stopped.
"Feminism" is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes". Thats it! Nothing more.
I don't understand how it can mean insecurity when it's nowhere to be found in the dictionary nor the "struggles" of the commenter below. What is it about equality of the sexes that causes struggle? I'll excuse the author whose native language is not English and I commend her for speaking out on her evolution of understanding. But a quick trip to the dictionary would have negated the need for evolution. And any native speaker who struggles with the word feminism and thinks it is or ever was anything different than its dictionary definition, is either imagining things or accepting the patriarchal propaganda that seeks to destroy feminism.
Reject false definitions, imaginary baggage, and faux struggles. Embrace, and do so loudly and proudly, the word for what it simply is and only is, EQUALITY.
"Feminism" is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes". Thats it! Nothing more.
I don't understand how it can mean insecurity when it's nowhere to be found in the dictionary nor the "struggles" of the commenter below. What is it about equality of the sexes that causes struggle? I'll excuse the author whose native language is not English and I commend her for speaking out on her evolution of understanding. But a quick trip to the dictionary would have negated the need for evolution. And any native speaker who struggles with the word feminism and thinks it is or ever was anything different than its dictionary definition, is either imagining things or accepting the patriarchal propaganda that seeks to destroy feminism.
Reject false definitions, imaginary baggage, and faux struggles. Embrace, and do so loudly and proudly, the word for what it simply is and only is, EQUALITY.
63
Your take on Miss Porizkova is mistaken. Her evolving view of feminism us shaped by her upbringing in both Czechoslovakia and Sweden as well as her subsequent experiences abroad and in the US.
Great post! As I like to put it, feminism is nothing more, and nothing less, than the radical idea that women are people too.
Thanks for a great story!
26
Sorry, Petras. I must disagree with you about women in politics in America. You must go to Sweden to understand women in politics . . . or the other 88 or so nations ahead of America in electing women to political offices. We now rank below several countries in Africa. Wait, wait. Don't blurt out the familiar refrain: "We elect our officials on the basis of merit. " America's total score in the World Economic Forum Gender Index will fall in a major way under Trump, as he is returning women's roles in the federal government to pre-Ronald Reagan levels, and women's access to health resources is earmarked for a huge hit. Even access to birth control is on the chopping block. People have no idea how far behind we are in terms of gender equality. We are definitely headed towards a position with the Muslim countries. And that statement is not hyperbole. The alt right and Christian fundamentalists are on the move against women in America. No doubt about it.
376
The United States is ONE whole rung higher than the Nation of Ireland with regards to the employment statistics of women. We are at a level of 75 Percent of all eligible working women in the United States, far, far, far, below that of Sweden which maintains the highest level
18
Anne, how many of those women in those African nations have undergone female genital mutilation? How many are expected to be subordinate to men, to dress as men see fit, and to bear as many women as possible? What good is holding an office under those conditions? I don't see Western women running to Africa to run for office or women's liberation, for there is none.
3
I have never lived in another country and I appreciate reading this perspective. As a 40 year old woman who grew up in San Francisco, I mostly felt that I could accomplish what I wanted while growing up. I didn't start to feel personally frustrated with gender role issues until I started wanting a baby.
No one I knew could afford to have a kid before 30. Women were worried about the biological clock, but men were not.
I have a graduate degree and I feel like I can get a good job without much difficulty. But, I wanted to be a mom to my son while he was young and work part-time, at most. I had been in a management role prior to giving birth and guess what? It is near impossible to find a part-time job with decent pay. I am lucky in that I can afford work part-time, even if it is very tough to find a suitable job. Most other moms I know are forced to work professional jobs that require 50-80 hours a week, 24/7 on call status, etc. They earn a decent salary, but spend half their salary on a nanny and the other half on astronomical SF rent (even with two incomes). They wind up with very little money, stress and guilt over not having enough time with their kids, health issues related to giving birth late in life, etc.
Is this the supposed "liberation" that the women's movement got us? I often find myself wondering if I might have been happier in an earlier era - one where people actually had the freedom and financial ability to start families in their early 20's.
No one I knew could afford to have a kid before 30. Women were worried about the biological clock, but men were not.
I have a graduate degree and I feel like I can get a good job without much difficulty. But, I wanted to be a mom to my son while he was young and work part-time, at most. I had been in a management role prior to giving birth and guess what? It is near impossible to find a part-time job with decent pay. I am lucky in that I can afford work part-time, even if it is very tough to find a suitable job. Most other moms I know are forced to work professional jobs that require 50-80 hours a week, 24/7 on call status, etc. They earn a decent salary, but spend half their salary on a nanny and the other half on astronomical SF rent (even with two incomes). They wind up with very little money, stress and guilt over not having enough time with their kids, health issues related to giving birth late in life, etc.
Is this the supposed "liberation" that the women's movement got us? I often find myself wondering if I might have been happier in an earlier era - one where people actually had the freedom and financial ability to start families in their early 20's.
225
Understandable, but what is missing in the US is a vibrant and flexible labor movement. Over time, feminism has been more about individual women succeeding in an increasingly capitalist economy. While the labor movement was not flexible enough to include part-time work for decades. And was reluctant to include women, at all. Lately, the term neoliberal is being used to describe "progressives" who do not have a labor analysis as part of their thinking -- who are more involved with the "I" and not involved with the "We." In much of Europe, this was not the case and the strong labor movement allowed the rise of feminism to include parental leave, sick days to take care of children, part-time work, healthcare for that other kind of labor - birth, etc. Mothers and children need healthcare to thrive and if it is too expensive, everyone suffers. It is only natural (and wonderful) to want to take time out to have children -- we must have that. But, the desire to have your own direction and satisfaction in life -- that is all feminism.
39
Excellent points here.
3
Perhaps you'd have been happier in an earlier era, but: You most likely wouldn't have gotten the education you have (women weren't accepted in many professional and grad schools); you likely wouldn't have been able to get a full or part time job in your profession even if you wanted or needed to; you would have been responsible for ALL of the family's needs -- housework, cooking, child rearing, etc. Men worked in the world while women worked in the home. The two didn't overlap much.
There are so many other reasons not to go back to those days.
We do need a vibrant labor movement where women's needs are equally important. Then maybe we'd all gave more choices.
There are so many other reasons not to go back to those days.
We do need a vibrant labor movement where women's needs are equally important. Then maybe we'd all gave more choices.
9
Objectively, American women are treated worse than Swedish women on many measures. Americans die in childbirth at alarming rates. American women have very limited political representation, and female lawmakers are often publicly berated and demeaned. In Sweden, half the parliament is made up of Women. American women are paid significantly less than men even though they are better educated than their male counterparts. In America, there is no childcare system, and no paid family leave. Since there is also no heathcare system, having a baby is the single largest cause of poverty. The best opportunities in academia, science, math, business, politics, the media and the military are for all intents and purposes earmarked by men for men. A woman's boss, or her husband's boss, can decide what birth control is available to her. In many US states, inheritance laws are deplorable, leaving widows at the mercy of their husband's relatives. American women are not recognized by their Constitution, and the all-male Supreme Court established requirements that made sex discrimination extremely difficult to prove legally, particularly relative to racial discrimination. Though 1/3rd of the court today is female, the court operates under "precedent." Many hospitals will not treat pregnant women in life-threatening situations because they might require an abortion to survive. Turning away dying women is perfectly legal in America.
669
Thank you for the summation of what are the critical points regarding women's subjugation in the United States, to this date.
On one legal point, please go read the State of California's Constitution. My State's Constitution recognizes everyone - including women. Our Constitution affords more legal protections that the U.S. Constitution, and of course does not acknowledge the ones we need to strike like the Second Amendment.
That is why so MANY people come to California.
On one legal point, please go read the State of California's Constitution. My State's Constitution recognizes everyone - including women. Our Constitution affords more legal protections that the U.S. Constitution, and of course does not acknowledge the ones we need to strike like the Second Amendment.
That is why so MANY people come to California.
35
It's why I came to California. Well, that and the weather!
5
Everything here seems accurate except your description of inheritance laws, which makes no sense at all, unless you are talking about women who are living with their partners and not legally married to them.
1
As the first person in my family to be born in America, most of my family is still in Sweden. I visit fairly often. Paulina is absolutely right about the women in Sweden. and there is something so compelling about a woman who is completely secure in her equality. In fact, so much so, she doesn't have to think about equality. When you don't have to fight for a place at the table, there is so much more time to do other things.
492
Brilliantly stated. Gender discrimination and segregation is a stain upon our country and much of it rooted in allowing various religions (all patriarchial) to dictate public policy and perception (esp. women's reproductive rights). As soon as we can see all people as equal - who can all equally participate in all facets of society - then we will have arrived. Thank you Paulina Porizkova for you strong words.
142
As of 2014 the adult literacy rate for Sweden was 99%. The other Nordic countries also have extremely high literacy rates. It's a country with strong educational resources, a large number of libraries and access to books. That's not happening here. Too many people are low information voters and consumers of fake news in 140 characters and seemingly proud of it, leading to the woeful state of affairs we find ourselves in.
392
Being of half Swedish ancestry, but never having lived in Sweden, all I can say that the women on that side of my family all worked on the farm as children same as their brothers, went to college same as their brothers, and went into careers same as their brothers. The women expected their husbands to pull their own weight. My own father, born in 1940, had capitulated by the time I was a pre-teen to handling the cooking, grocery shopping and his own laundry and ironing. And though squarely middle class, we had a house cleaner every other week because my mother hired them when my father refused to do his share. This was long before the time when that kind of thinking was fashionable.
88
I am an American woman who has had American and northern European male partners in my life over the past 20 years. I now have a Middle Eastern man in my life, who has only been in the US for 3 years. Wow. The arguments we have had about splitting the housework 50/50, about how he has never had to do that because culturally, all the women in his country serve all the men, have been pretty heated to say the least. The cultural ignorances and refusals to change are sometimes astounding, and also very sad. I am standing up for a 50/50 split but I can only imagine the women in his part of the world, where everything is pretty much 100/0.
66
Um, tew, is part of your problem that you didn't pay attention to what a woman wrote in her comment?
15
You can imagine what you like, and 0/100 sounds awfully naive. My experience is that it depends on the couple, and it's about 50/50 that the man cooks simply because he is better at it, and a large majority of middle class households have domestic help, either from local unskilled workers or through foreign labor. So no, that the man doesn't do housework in a middle eastern household doesn't equate with the woman doing it either. Prejudice is a hard stain to wipe.
Certainly women in America are no longer generally assumed to be men's servants (or "helpmeets"), but the change is relatively recent and, according to the statistics, married women who work outside the home still do the majority of the family's labor when they clock out, a phenomenon known as "the second shift."
1
Thank you, Paulina, for your insightful and powerful piece. As an incredibly beautiful woman who is also a successful one, your voice is doubly valuable. As much as you have been valued for your beauty, those of us who do not know you can now value you as a voice for all women. Brava, Bravo!
41
Thank you and agree! I was lucky enough to spend my formative young adult years (early/mid-twenties) working in Norway and dating a Swede.
Where do us Americans need to start? It all starts in School. They still have the equivalent of home-ec. Boys learn to cook. Boys learn to iron, everyone learns it together.
Where is it re-enforced - in the work place - strong maternity leave, paternity leave (so dad's learn how to take care of the kid while mom is at work!)
the whole system is integrated and set up for powerful, equal women - because equality it built into the whole system.
Until we build equality into the system and recognize that its ok to leave work at 4pm to take your kid to soccer practice (and then yes do an hour of work at night form home) we will still have to "do it all as women" (and then liekly fail trying)
Its the whole system - thank you Scandinavia for showing us it can be done. Now we Americans just need to get there.
Where do us Americans need to start? It all starts in School. They still have the equivalent of home-ec. Boys learn to cook. Boys learn to iron, everyone learns it together.
Where is it re-enforced - in the work place - strong maternity leave, paternity leave (so dad's learn how to take care of the kid while mom is at work!)
the whole system is integrated and set up for powerful, equal women - because equality it built into the whole system.
Until we build equality into the system and recognize that its ok to leave work at 4pm to take your kid to soccer practice (and then yes do an hour of work at night form home) we will still have to "do it all as women" (and then liekly fail trying)
Its the whole system - thank you Scandinavia for showing us it can be done. Now we Americans just need to get there.
196
Equality is in their politics as well. By law there is close to equal gender split in government. The result is better policy concerning families and work/life balance. Oir senate is a 80/20 split and a woman with experience as an insurance commissioner isn't invited to the Republican healthcare committee.
59
Nora, while I agree with your point, I think a big reason for not inviting that woman is that the Republicans are not interested in health care. Their health care bill has the main purpose of eliminating a tax on very rich people.
12
And here, because of draconian cuts to education, no one gets home ec anymore.
3
Excellent piece! As a woman who has grown up, lived and worked in different countries I've often looked for writing on sexism/gender/sexuality across cultures - yet found very little writing on this. Refreshing to see this article.
107
Interesting how cultural norms influence beliefs and paradigms! I have always heard that Scandinavian countries are more advanced than the US when it comes to sexuality, femininity and masculinity. There is something to be said for the fact that teenagers in Scandinavian countries have access to birth control, equal amounts of sex as American teenagers but half the rates of STD/STI's and teen pregnancies.
73
It's a charming piece of writing. But does it come close to the truth? I'm not so sure. As a Swedish woman, 69, living in Canada since age 24, with month long stays in Sweden yearly I would not say that the life of the average Swedish woman is as easy and equal as portrayed in the article. With 3-5 kids being the norm it's hard for Swedish women, regardless of universal daycare from year1, to find the energy or time or inclination to pursue very demanding careers. And it's a fact that men do not make use of very generous leaves when a new child is born. Staying home with children is still
the thing that most women do.
To me, American women seem to be the movers and the shakers in civic life
compared to the other nationalities mentioned in the article. Look at all the wonderful and headstrong American women in politics or in the academic world or in corporations. Even look at women in TV series. Who in the world can think that American women are shy and backwards in sexual matters. I
bet they are as free, if not freer, in their sexuality than Swedish women. As to the French I can't say. I'm a great admirer or American women. I feel they
have fought hard and long for equality in the workplace and in culture above
all. I don't think American women need to go and live in Sweden or any other
Nordic country to feel real and healthy. You 've got it right here. There are
still battles to be won, but this is an open climate. Sweden is not greener.
the thing that most women do.
To me, American women seem to be the movers and the shakers in civic life
compared to the other nationalities mentioned in the article. Look at all the wonderful and headstrong American women in politics or in the academic world or in corporations. Even look at women in TV series. Who in the world can think that American women are shy and backwards in sexual matters. I
bet they are as free, if not freer, in their sexuality than Swedish women. As to the French I can't say. I'm a great admirer or American women. I feel they
have fought hard and long for equality in the workplace and in culture above
all. I don't think American women need to go and live in Sweden or any other
Nordic country to feel real and healthy. You 've got it right here. There are
still battles to be won, but this is an open climate. Sweden is not greener.
229
But in Sweden, government doesn't interfere with women's reproductive rights, and the social safety net is tightly woven, meaning that mothers need no fret about their own or their children's access to health care and education. This, along with Sweden's investments in alternative energy, really make that nation greener in many senses of the word.
23
In Sweden, the government doesn't interfere with women's reproductive choice, and the social safety net is so well-made that mothers need not worry about their own or their family's education and healthcare. This, along with the strides that nation is making toward alternative energy to mitigate climate change, makes Sweden indeed greener.
10
"To me, American women seem to be the movers and the shakers in civic life"--but the numbers don't back that up...not even close. The facts are the opposite: Many countries are not just ahead of us but FAR ahead of us. "Even look at women in TV series."--1) That's not reality, and let's not confuse the two. 2) Why would Wonder Woman be getting so much attention if our fantasy world of entertainment portrayed equality? If you're still not convinced, check out the work of Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media--she's spent much of her adult life trying to push the industry for gender equality and has tons of data showing how far we have to go.
9
What a wonderful piece of writing and cultural insight. I wish I could say as much with as few words. As a girl, I wasn't particularly into celebrities but I remember looking up to Paulina for her serene beauty. Compared to the other supermodels of the time, she seemed utterly content with herself, whether in the spotlight or more on the sidelines. Sure, she was incredibly beautiful, but she projected the idea that she didn't care much one way or the other if you, the viewing public, thought so too. I had no idea she had experienced so many cultural 'lifetimes' by the time she made it to the U.S., but perhaps it's true that those experiences contributed to that look I remember from her, that look of confidence and inner calm. I look forward to hearing more from her. It's lovely to stumble upon this article and learn that the pretty woman I once admired has so much more to share.
39
Paulina,
Your Op Ed column is revelatory, insightful, and beautifully written. Look forward to your continued contribution to public reflection, and discourse.
Your Op Ed column is revelatory, insightful, and beautifully written. Look forward to your continued contribution to public reflection, and discourse.
97
Excellent analysis and I completely agree. I have had relationships with people in all countries named and PP's observations about sex, gender, and sexuality line up with my experience. I would also suggest that Australia has a nice variation on the Swedish model and Brasil an interesting variation on the US model.
Would be good to do a kind of international study of this sort of thing. Well done!
Would be good to do a kind of international study of this sort of thing. Well done!
56
The U.N. studies all of the relevant statistics on women. Unfortuneately, the publication of that information changed when George Bush, II, came into office.
Here is a relevant statistic: Women of the world own less or approximately 5% of all ownable property. They earned altogether, 75% less than all men of the world. That comes from the UN.
Here is a relevant statistic: Women of the world own less or approximately 5% of all ownable property. They earned altogether, 75% less than all men of the world. That comes from the UN.
Thank you for your excellent piece, Paulina. It strikes me that a culture's attitude toward women seem to originate over many centuries of time. From the romanticied view of noble of women during the later middle ages, to the competent warrior women of Viking culture ( or what I suppose from watching too much Amazon Prime), and the Puritian beginnings of American society. I am now 69 years old and all my life I have thought of myself as a fighter for equality among the sexes. Still, it did not stop me from doing all the cleaning, cooking. and childcare, while most of the time also working in my married life. I cringe when I realize women today stil have to do so much while balancing on four inch pegs. The one hope I have is that my son is not like my husband in demanding so much in his own relationship. Maybe we are very slowly moving forward!
50
Just shared this with my three nieces.
27
Often it takes an enlightened "outsider" to see what is true about a group. Thank you so very much for this insightful article.
216
I am a 71 year old American woman with three daughters, 31, 30 and 26, a doctor, attorney and actress, respectively. I find myself exhausted by a lifetime of working harder than my male colleagues in order just to have some hope of being treated as their equal in the workplace, to get equal respect and compensation, and at home by trying to get my husband to feel comfortable sharing the housework with me. But I thought things would be better in 2017 for my daughters. Fortunately their partners do respect them and do treat them as equals, and are learning to assume more of the domestic responsibilities. But, sadly, all three of my daughters face considerable gender discrimination in their respective fields. They often must fight to receive the same respect shown to their male colleagues, and sometimes see promotions go to men who are less qualified and who have less experience. I loved reading what Dana said below about how Nordic women conduct themselves. My hope is that eventually American women can also feel "confident, proud, and comfortable with who they are" and that they will finally receive the same opportunities and the same respect accorded to men in this society. Seeing "Wonder Woman" really lifted my spirits. Of course, it's fantasy but for two hours you get to revel in the power of a WOMAN, a woman who can't be victimized or exploited, who knows what she wants and goes after it.
325
They could try the factory floor. They might be surprised to find less discrimination in many blue collar occupations today.
8
Do they see promotions go to other women who are less qualified than them? That happens as well. At 31 and 30, they are very early in their careers and won't get much respect from males or females. Most lawyers are happy to get any work now as much is automated. A young doctor is still learning and unless they go the fellowship or resarch route, they get bored and frustrated.
4
Why should anyone work in a factory if they've taken the time and expense to educate themselves? The reason a factory floor is equal is that everyone is a cog in a wheel. Everyone is equal because they're all commodities. There is nothing romantic about working in a factory. And eventually, a blue collar is replaced by a machine. It's just the way of capitalism, to drive down labor costs until human labor is eliminated by technology.
Don't be a troll. Get out from under the bridge and find some kindness, if you have any.
Don't be a troll. Get out from under the bridge and find some kindness, if you have any.
3
Brilliant, Paulina. My curiosity is piqued: What can we, as American women -- or as Americans together -- do to nudge along the equality you long for that you sound like you most cherished in Sweden? We accomplished women can band together in social circles, educate our children, and speak up for ourselves. But how can we bring about the change that we long for? (Is this even the right question to ask?)
159
I've spent 25 years living in Sweden and recently moved to Pennsylvania and am still in utter shock at the lack of progress on this side of the Atlantic. I think one very important aspect of the discussion is missing. Women in Sweden haven't reached the level of equality they have today by themselves. They accomplished it with the help of the men. Men want women to be equals. That is the main difference between the USA and Sweden.
97
It has everything to do with culture that grows over many centuries, and also to do with Goddess and queen figures in history. It's about shaping the imagination, not just shaping laws
1
I think a good start would be to get religion out of politics. Completely. Another would be to improve education. Teach everyone critical thinking skills. And a third would be to do as many countries have done: mandate equality in Congress, state assemblies, and every other government entity where men have long dominated.
24
The Swedish piece is key here. Swedes = Nordic. The Norse people respected woman, unlike many others. The goddesses [ and gods ] are with you always, understanding this in the moment can be difficult at best. Our virtues are 9. Courage= strength is better than weakness. Why would a woman not want to be strong, period. I will stand by any strong woman anytime, anywhere, with Honour
Feminist = Strength [ courage ] Great read, Thanks
Feminist = Strength [ courage ] Great read, Thanks
76
Wow, such an eloquent piece. I still remember the movie "Her Alibi" this writer acted in if I'm right.. The essay lays out the issue with right touch to convey subtle cultural nuances. About treatment of women all around the world, I often reminded of this quote from E. O. Wilson: "This is the time we either will settle down as a species or completely wreck the planet. We will have to evolve a better world than the one we have now, I like to call our Stars Wars Civilization. I mean we have Stone-age emotions, Medieval institutions, and Godlike technology."
73
Soooo accurate analysis of Swedish and French (and American) cultural attitudes toward women! I'm an American and lived in Sweden and was married to a Swede, and have lived in France and had a serious relationship with a Frenchman, and I agree 100% with everything you say. Sweden was heaven for me as a woman (the Swede and I divorced but are still good friends). The Frenchman was a nightmare largely because of how he perceived me as a woman (so bad I haven't dated since and that was five years ago, and we are not friends, needless to say). And America is where my career is and it's a constant struggle to be taken seriously!
As an American woman I have always considered myself feminist though because I was a kid in the 70s during the women's movement and it made a deep impression on me. There was a reaction against that in the 80s and 90s, but hopefully we'll see a comeback on a deeper more embedded level like it exists in Sweden. Voices like yours can help give people a perspective. Bravo and thank you!
As an American woman I have always considered myself feminist though because I was a kid in the 70s during the women's movement and it made a deep impression on me. There was a reaction against that in the 80s and 90s, but hopefully we'll see a comeback on a deeper more embedded level like it exists in Sweden. Voices like yours can help give people a perspective. Bravo and thank you!
768
Black American women like Rosa Parks, Ella Baker and Diane Nash fought for the civil rights of white women in America against their white fathers, husbands, sons and brothers.
Four black girls died in their bombed out black civil rights era Birmingham church. And Viola Liuzzo joined Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Reeb in martyrdom for their dusky colored kin.
While nearly 5000 black men, women and children were lynched between Reconstruction and Civil Rights. Among them were Harriet and Henrietta Moore, George and Mae Dorsey and Roger and Dorothy Malcolm.
Four black girls died in their bombed out black civil rights era Birmingham church. And Viola Liuzzo joined Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Reeb in martyrdom for their dusky colored kin.
While nearly 5000 black men, women and children were lynched between Reconstruction and Civil Rights. Among them were Harriet and Henrietta Moore, George and Mae Dorsey and Roger and Dorothy Malcolm.
4
errata 3rd paragraph 2nd sentence...' Harry and Henrietta Moore....'
2
Being a feminist is not just declaring to be as powerful as men.
It is mostly about working for change in the social, legal, economic structures that discriminate against women.
The perception of its own power that each woman has is not the point. The strugle is to level the set of opportunities and responsibilities of women and men.
Appart from that, what a pleasant writing. Hope to get more articles from her.
It is mostly about working for change in the social, legal, economic structures that discriminate against women.
The perception of its own power that each woman has is not the point. The strugle is to level the set of opportunities and responsibilities of women and men.
Appart from that, what a pleasant writing. Hope to get more articles from her.
36
Yes. More articles from this feminist. Great writing.
24
Thank you for manaplaining feminism.
1
Bravo ! As an European expat I, who lived in more than one country, I totally can relate to this article. I too struggle with the "feminists" label as if it's very use delegates women to a lesser cast. Thank you for this article.
46
This is the best thing in the today's Times...Clear and uncompromising. An important piece, directly from the author's experience, but not in the least self-important.
538
Sweden and the other countries like Norway and Denmark and Netherlands sound pretty good to me.
They also rank near the top of the happiness index.
Not to mention they also have universal health care and trade school or university.
And they don't have the poverty we have.
They also rank near the top of the happiness index.
Not to mention they also have universal health care and trade school or university.
And they don't have the poverty we have.
815
Add Iceland to the list of countries doing well in this regard. And relative wealth equality as a contributing factor.
5
nor the taxes.
1
No poverty because they have low populations, high taxes....and put a value on all people living successfully...but with the population of NYC at most ( Sweden) they can " afford" this.
2
This is a wonderful explanation of cultural differences, both a keen eye, and a few well chosen words.
I will look to read more by her. I'll read that book, which does not sound to be in my usual taste.
I will look to read more by her. I'll read that book, which does not sound to be in my usual taste.
113
Terrific writer and keen observer.
262
Really interesting perspective. Women in the U.S. have a lot of work to do. Thank you for this frank assessment of how women are treated in America vs other places.
196
It seems to me that women in the US have been working plenty hard - it's men's turn to join the fight for us and for themselves. We'll never achieve gender equality until men want to display traditionally "feminine" traits like compassion and empathy just as much as women want to display "masculine" traits like strength and confidence. The flip side of feminism is redefining masculinity. It breaks my heart to see all the men in my life who don't even realize they're dealing with issues stemming from a culture that stifles their emotional development and expression. We all have skin in the game.
59
Actually, men in America have a lot of work to do.
1
Why not "Men in America have a lot of work to do"?
9
Wonderful - thank you for a different view. As a 67 year old American woman who has embraced feminism since the age of 17, I celebrate our progress of the last 50 years while lamenting how far we still have to go. It is refreshing and illuminating to learn how it feels for women in different countries. Maybe I should spend my golden years in France or Sweden!
441
one thing is for sure your medicals bills in France and Sweden would be a fraction of the bills in the US. that is also worth considering.
135
@charles: one thing for sure your tax bills in France and Sweden would be many times what they are in the US -- and that is also worth considering.
1
From the sound of it, I'd skip France, relationship-wise.
3
Excellent writing. Powerful and confident.
I am a French woman living in the US and can relate to a lot of your feelings in the US. I always thought that the secrecy on sexuality is just very sad. As is the latent competition between women.
Luckily things in France have changed greatly. My nieces and their compagnons behavior as equal partners. The new Macron administration, with an equal number of women and men, will help continue this trend.
I am a proud feminist.
I am a French woman living in the US and can relate to a lot of your feelings in the US. I always thought that the secrecy on sexuality is just very sad. As is the latent competition between women.
Luckily things in France have changed greatly. My nieces and their compagnons behavior as equal partners. The new Macron administration, with an equal number of women and men, will help continue this trend.
I am a proud feminist.
631
Thank you for this truly spot on piece. I admired your beauty as a child but the words you've written here are far more impressive. Having spent years in scandanvia, I wholeheartedly agree that there is nothing more impressive than the Nordic woman - confident, proud and comfortable with who she is - they are a sight to behold and I envied them. They don't ask for a seat at the table - they expect it. They demand what's rightfully theirs professionally and personally. And the men respect them and treat them simply as their equal, unquestionably. How novel. I hope to raise my daughters to be and think like a Swedish woman and demand American society adapt accordingly.
911
Can you imagine a Scandinavian parliament allowing an all-male committee to make crucial decisions on women's health care? Me either. Yet it happened here in America, where we're "Making America Great Again!"
19
@Karen: the GOP is not making decision on WOMEN'S HEALTH CARE but on national policy.
But OK, we'll do it your way. Are you OK with Sarah Palin and Kellyanne Conway and Ann Coulter on that committee? if not, why not?
But OK, we'll do it your way. Are you OK with Sarah Palin and Kellyanne Conway and Ann Coulter on that committee? if not, why not?
1
White Power! White Lives Matter! Right?
Unlike Sweden, America is mostly multi-colored, multi-ethnic, multi-national origin and multi-faith.
In the 2016 Presidential election 95+% of American black women voted for Hillary Clinton while 54% of American white women voted for Donald Trump.
Few, if any, black America women are raising their daughters to be and think like some fair white pink skinned blonde blue eyed Nordic Aryan Scandinavian Ice Beauty Queen Model.
My genetic profile is 50% white European (27% British, 12% Scandinavian), 45% black African ( 20% Nigerian, 10% Malian), 2% yellow Asian (Chinese) and 2% brown Native American (Mexican) which makes me all and only colored black African in America.
Black is Beautiful! Black Lives Matter!
Unlike Sweden, America is mostly multi-colored, multi-ethnic, multi-national origin and multi-faith.
In the 2016 Presidential election 95+% of American black women voted for Hillary Clinton while 54% of American white women voted for Donald Trump.
Few, if any, black America women are raising their daughters to be and think like some fair white pink skinned blonde blue eyed Nordic Aryan Scandinavian Ice Beauty Queen Model.
My genetic profile is 50% white European (27% British, 12% Scandinavian), 45% black African ( 20% Nigerian, 10% Malian), 2% yellow Asian (Chinese) and 2% brown Native American (Mexican) which makes me all and only colored black African in America.
Black is Beautiful! Black Lives Matter!
5
She may think she's a Feminist but then she has the one thing all feminists have. Wealth...
Poor women can't afford to be feminists. They are trying to just survive.