In my case, it was my teenager that brought me over to the "dark side" of country music and an unacknowledged recognition that the banjo is a wonderful instrument. We laugh about the lyrics at times - hunting, drinking, loving - both girls and trucks -- but sharing the music (including FGL) provides neutral turf, with no pressure of grades or future plans, on which we can just listen, relax, laugh and enjoy. And my son can happily take the lead.
I didn't share my children's fondest for country music (being a NYer, country music just wasn't in our repertoire) until I had to drive my daughter's car for a week. No XM radio, no NPR, no BBC. I left it on her station and I have to say, I liked most of it. Cheese lyrics, twangy guitar and sometimes really good melodies....shocked even me!
1
"So here’s to divorcing expectations from experience. And to the ice you float your beer in." Excellent sentiment. I'm sure that your son will remember this and someday extend the same to his children if he has some.
1
Great parenting creates individuals who use their brains, experience, and judgement in the real world. Seems like this youth has plenty to be happy about from his parenting.
1
Matt, I expect great things from your son,
1
Fantastic observation---and relationship with your son. Kudos. Great for you, and him---both of you.
2
I too thought this was mother and son. I am wondering if this good advice would work for our current political situation or is it just plain bad and that will be confirmed.
1
Exactly the same with many new experiences.. I am thinking about the Whitney Biennial -- the art show everyone hates -- the shock of the new and unfamiliar-- which can send our brains to new places.
Now HOLY will mean something else to at least a certain segment of the population.
ONTOH there sometimes are limits!! ;-D
Now HOLY will mean something else to at least a certain segment of the population.
ONTOH there sometimes are limits!! ;-D
Besides the good advice, to not be too judgemental and appreciate things better, it was wonderful to read about a parent who was able to be supportive with out criticizing, inhibited a lot of typically parental things to allow their relationship to florish, and trusted his son to figure out the reality of his impressions about the country band at some point in the future, on his own, instead of imposing his opinion on his son. The result? An authentically close, touching lifelong memory of a wonderful experience with his son. So hard to do! Well done!
4
It can be humbling and a bit nerve-wracking to notice the power we have to shape our children's tastes, beliefs, and experiences of the world. I periodically hear my children echo back one of my judgments or opinions, and find myself wondering....do I really believe that? enough to pass it along to the next generation as received wisdom? So, congratulations, Dad, on refraining from shutting down your child's enjoyment and, even better, letting him open up the world a bit for you!
2
The "sappy,cheesy" "H.O.L.Y." lyrics or arguably any other song lyrics coud ever compare to 1968's:
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy
I got love in my tummy...
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy
I got love in my tummy...
5
Sometimes a snap judgement is the right one. Soon as I started listening to various candidate in our recent election, I knew what would happen and it did and it has.
Yes of course, your bias clouds reality as most zealots do.
1
Why bring in politics to everything? Does everything has to reference our current political situation?
5
Let's hope your son avoids the political positions of most country fans.
'modeling a healthier, more life-affirming perspective ... divorcing expectations from experience'
I volunteer at after-school childcare - it saddens me when I see a parent walk in to pick up their child - often staring at or talking on a mobile phone - look around for their kid, find them, then command the kid 'let's go'
the kid is often in the middle of some engagement, creating some piece of art or construction, watching a movie, playing with friends - and the abrupt interruption just feels wrong - I see the kid 'harrumph!' and bristle - but the parent is usually looking the other way until they turn around the threaten the child if they don't leave NOW.
OTOH - more often mothers of new kids - will come in - silently watch their kid from a distance - how are they getting on - are they enjoying it - are they making friends - and respect the kid's interest and wish to stay with a moderate request like 'I'll give you 5 minutes' - after which the kid will have finished, packed up and said their goodbyes to their friends.
One tip - if I as an adult twice as tall and weighing 4-5 times as much as a small child sits down beside them and immediately start asking questions, the responses will usually be avoidance-style - a shrug of the shoulders, and evasive 'whatever' you wanted to hear type answer.
Yet if I sit silently nearby - without saying anything - after 30 seconds they will typically turn to me - and start talking - telling me their thoughts - and it's delightful !
I volunteer at after-school childcare - it saddens me when I see a parent walk in to pick up their child - often staring at or talking on a mobile phone - look around for their kid, find them, then command the kid 'let's go'
the kid is often in the middle of some engagement, creating some piece of art or construction, watching a movie, playing with friends - and the abrupt interruption just feels wrong - I see the kid 'harrumph!' and bristle - but the parent is usually looking the other way until they turn around the threaten the child if they don't leave NOW.
OTOH - more often mothers of new kids - will come in - silently watch their kid from a distance - how are they getting on - are they enjoying it - are they making friends - and respect the kid's interest and wish to stay with a moderate request like 'I'll give you 5 minutes' - after which the kid will have finished, packed up and said their goodbyes to their friends.
One tip - if I as an adult twice as tall and weighing 4-5 times as much as a small child sits down beside them and immediately start asking questions, the responses will usually be avoidance-style - a shrug of the shoulders, and evasive 'whatever' you wanted to hear type answer.
Yet if I sit silently nearby - without saying anything - after 30 seconds they will typically turn to me - and start talking - telling me their thoughts - and it's delightful !
14
Its the miracle of listening. Much better for relationships than questioning and asking and telling.
7
It's amazing what happens when we ditch the preconceptions and open our minds. Sounds like a pretty transformative experience. Thank you for sharing it.
3
Good story, well told. The wisdom of kids; we could learn a lot from them.
4
Maybe this belongs in the Music section. Maybe somewhere else. But I certainly hope it's not a trend putting this in the Health & Wellness part of the paper.
7
Because it was so darn hard to pass it by?
1
This is the Well Family section.
1
Don't sell yourself short, you have a much fuller catalog of experiences to delve through before being burned by a bad experience. Your son not so much, he's just developing his catalog, but it is good to go back to those younger observations from time to time and glean the meaningful from the sap.
1
"...an acronym for “high on loving you,” in case you, like me, were initially baffled..."
Thank you. Me WAS initially baffled. So were Jane and Cheeta.
Thank you. Me WAS initially baffled. So were Jane and Cheeta.
1
I loved Matt's essay. It brought a tear to my eye, and don't be surprised by that.
We all got to share in the special moment when a loving parent realizes he's raised a really great kid.
We all got to share in the special moment when a loving parent realizes he's raised a really great kid.
6
I think country music is such a uniquely American genre, the most lyrical, and speaks to parts of us that other music does not. Not all songs will avoid the saccharine-ness tho.
I don't know why but until I got to the "I love my wife too" I assumed this was written by his mom.
Imagining it was mom and son was floating my boat.
A touching vignette either way, painting the sensitivities between an 11 year old boy and his parent.
Imagining it was mom and son was floating my boat.
A touching vignette either way, painting the sensitivities between an 11 year old boy and his parent.
49
Ha! That's funny - I thought it was the mom, too. I have had a couple lessons recently that made me be aware of judging too quickly so this rang true to me.
2
OMG, Florida Georgia Line is NOT Country music! You've been conned into believing a false positive experience. Go see George Strait, then get back to me.
2
I thought it was his Mom too!
Enjoyed the son's dry humor. "Learn from your mistakes". Indeed.
Enjoyed the son's dry humor. "Learn from your mistakes". Indeed.
5