It's not either or. We need the Kathys and Davids AND the government programs.
49
Is this a symptom of market failure or character flaws? Brooks doesn't want to say.
27
So glad you are getting so much from these dinners, David. All the gooey love and hugs. But pray, do tell -- where is your outrage? Where is your anger at the high rates of childhood poverty, homelessness and hunger? Doesn't it make you MAD?
74
Yes I have “volunteered” when government failed--I work with Doctors without Borders.
But even my brethren were killed in an airstrike--whoops! Wrong building.
I look at NYTimes Sunday Magazine where every week they advertise condos that “start” at $4 million and we have seen hedge fund billionaires buy $90 million condos..with cash.
But let’s look at our government--$1.4 TRILLION so far for the F-35 which has yet to fly a mission. One million for just the helmet so that the pilot can “think” where to shoot a missile. All for killing people while we struggle to keep people ALIVE who have suffered in war and tyrannical regimes. Do you have ANY idea what we could do with $1.4 Trillion? We could give cities clean water around the world.
Instead we have children in Flint, MI who had their brains and nervous systems damaged permanently by lead! Lead! As one public health nurse said “So what’s the loss of a few IQ points anyway?
Lead! We can’t get a bill passed for the Zika virus to PREVENT birth defects and Congress REFUSES to pass a bill. First the GOP had to defund Planned Parenthood in one draft--then the next they refused a lousy $200 million for Flint!
Yes I volunteer, with my life at stake...but if governments did THEIR job, we wouldn’t be dying trying to bring help. I look at Syria and Yemen and weep.
Mr. Brooks. Change political parties and perhaps I will take you seriously--Right now you stand behind Donald J Trump...I’m a woman so you must hate me too.
But even my brethren were killed in an airstrike--whoops! Wrong building.
I look at NYTimes Sunday Magazine where every week they advertise condos that “start” at $4 million and we have seen hedge fund billionaires buy $90 million condos..with cash.
But let’s look at our government--$1.4 TRILLION so far for the F-35 which has yet to fly a mission. One million for just the helmet so that the pilot can “think” where to shoot a missile. All for killing people while we struggle to keep people ALIVE who have suffered in war and tyrannical regimes. Do you have ANY idea what we could do with $1.4 Trillion? We could give cities clean water around the world.
Instead we have children in Flint, MI who had their brains and nervous systems damaged permanently by lead! Lead! As one public health nurse said “So what’s the loss of a few IQ points anyway?
Lead! We can’t get a bill passed for the Zika virus to PREVENT birth defects and Congress REFUSES to pass a bill. First the GOP had to defund Planned Parenthood in one draft--then the next they refused a lousy $200 million for Flint!
Yes I volunteer, with my life at stake...but if governments did THEIR job, we wouldn’t be dying trying to bring help. I look at Syria and Yemen and weep.
Mr. Brooks. Change political parties and perhaps I will take you seriously--Right now you stand behind Donald J Trump...I’m a woman so you must hate me too.
123
Mr. Brooks:
two quick points:
you state that you have been attending Thursday evening meals at Kathy and David's for more than two years:
why did it take you so long to share this wholesome happening?
are readers to understand that this is, indeed, a once-a-week event for the participants involved?
pray tell, what do this these youngsters do for the other days of the week?
are we to believe that one day out of seven is sufficient?
that this is the best that we can expect?
on the Friday mornings after your visits,
how do you feel about all of this?
have you ever attempted to apply a cause-and-effect to each of the people?
or the cause-and-effect that created the first?
or the cause-and-effect that created the second?
surely, it must have occurred to you that public policies and practices have been a factor, perhaps even the major factor, in each of these causes-and-effects that you write about.
which would lead one to conclude that we, as a society,
have within us the power to create future causes that will
properly Affect the lives of all us in positive ways.
your republican't party is the single largest obstruction
to these needed endeavors.
a man named Saul went traveling one day and found himself
prostrate on the ground having been knocked from beast the that was carrying him...
and on that day a near-miraculous re-purposing was begun.
this could be your time and calling.
and now would be appropriate.
57
Unless and until you own up to and repudiate your frequent support for the very policies that damn these kids to having to rely on the generosity of individuals like Kathy and David, it's hard to bear your columns.
No number of convivial dinners - where you feel entitled to comment on the nice manners of the attendees - can make up for the brutal economic policies you have supported.
As has been written about you: "Poor David Brooks -- the New York Times columnist who has spent his career feeding the egos of America's upper classes with moralistic fables of economic darwinism and the need for blacks to adopt their values, is not having a good time." Matt Taibbi.
Perhaps the best analogy is the definition of "chutzpa": a man kills his parents and then begs mercy of the court because he's an orphan.
In this version, you helped kill the opportunities and then intrude yourself into communal moments of these peoples' lives because....what? Because you can?
No number of convivial dinners - where you feel entitled to comment on the nice manners of the attendees - can make up for the brutal economic policies you have supported.
As has been written about you: "Poor David Brooks -- the New York Times columnist who has spent his career feeding the egos of America's upper classes with moralistic fables of economic darwinism and the need for blacks to adopt their values, is not having a good time." Matt Taibbi.
Perhaps the best analogy is the definition of "chutzpa": a man kills his parents and then begs mercy of the court because he's an orphan.
In this version, you helped kill the opportunities and then intrude yourself into communal moments of these peoples' lives because....what? Because you can?
95
Amen!
15
Here in North west Boston, we are blessed to have a caring community, Open Table http://www.opentable.org/
"Since their founding 27 years ago, Open Table has grown from providing one weekly dinner in Concord to serving weekly dinners in Concord and Maynard and staffing two pantries that provide food to record numbers of guests. They now have a space to manage as well. Research from Greater Boston Food Bank and other food relief organizations shows that running this type of organization benefits from the hiring of paid staff, as volunteers frequently don’t have the time and schedule flexibility to take on this effort."
"Since their founding 27 years ago, Open Table has grown from providing one weekly dinner in Concord to serving weekly dinners in Concord and Maynard and staffing two pantries that provide food to record numbers of guests. They now have a space to manage as well. Research from Greater Boston Food Bank and other food relief organizations shows that running this type of organization benefits from the hiring of paid staff, as volunteers frequently don’t have the time and schedule flexibility to take on this effort."
23
Spot on! Blessings! Thank you.
39
MORAL HAZARD
4
You have the power to support policies and politicians that will alleviate the burdens endured by these kids and their parents.
Why don't you?
Why don't you?
41
"Bill Milliken, a veteran youth activist, is often asked which programs turn around kids’ lives. “I still haven’t seen one program change one kid’s life,” he says."
Guess Head Start hasn't done anything lo these several decades.
Guess Head Start hasn't done anything lo these several decades.
25
Wonderful, David!!
11
Please provide a way to donate to AOK.
22
Have you ever thought about hosting this type of event at your house and/ or encouraging your friends to do so? You certainly have the resources.
53
I've been reading Mr. Brooks for a while... and he is becoming one of my favourite NYT writers.
21
To Kathy Fletcher, David Simpson and Santi - Thank you for inspiring us all. There are many here in Vermont who could use something like your simple gifts.
20
Awesome. Thank you.
17
This is a wonderful story about human kindness and I was so glad to read it until I considered its Republican source.
28
Thank you David Brooks for the most uplifting, positive op-ed I have read in a long time. Why don't we hear more about the good things people do?
We shouldn't have to look so deep into a publication to find such articles about the wonderful things people do each day. This should be front page news!
We shouldn't have to look so deep into a publication to find such articles about the wonderful things people do each day. This should be front page news!
13
I love you, David Brooks. No one is better at finding our common ground, and feeding our souls.
9
What a beautiful and moving story!
11
Thank you! This is q much welcomed anecdote to the current
poisonous political circus.
poisonous political circus.
11
What I take away from David Brooks's column and the comments is that there are many, many people of goodwill in this country like David Brooks. Unfortunately, there does not seem to be a place for them to gather in our politics and our political system which seem to be spinning us by centrifugal force to the extremes. Is there no way to come together in the center and become a force for moving the government towards its Constitutional purpose of promoting the general welfare?
35
Hillary wrote it takes a village and is vilified by Republicans. Trump is a predator who has never read a book, but is glorified as the Republican savior. Republicans have never stood for bringing people together and healing rifts, but creating them.
this is an uplifting story, but it is not a Republican story.
this is an uplifting story, but it is not a Republican story.
52
“What changes people is relationships. Somebody willing to walk through the shadow of the valley of adolescence with them.”
As the lead teacher of a publicly-funded youth development program for refugee/immigrant youth in Seattle, I completely agree that it's not a faceless program that changes lives. It's caring people who take the time to build trusting relationships. The downside to the caring people approach that Brooks likes to highlight in his columns is that if these individuals suddenly decide they can't provide for the less fortunate (maybe they move or lose a job or become ill or die), then we're back to square one.
There IS a role for government to play here, and that is to provide the salaries, professional development, and organizational support that caring people need to provide safe spaces, healthy food, and the listening ears that transform lives.
As the lead teacher of a publicly-funded youth development program for refugee/immigrant youth in Seattle, I completely agree that it's not a faceless program that changes lives. It's caring people who take the time to build trusting relationships. The downside to the caring people approach that Brooks likes to highlight in his columns is that if these individuals suddenly decide they can't provide for the less fortunate (maybe they move or lose a job or become ill or die), then we're back to square one.
There IS a role for government to play here, and that is to provide the salaries, professional development, and organizational support that caring people need to provide safe spaces, healthy food, and the listening ears that transform lives.
31
Beautiful account of the most basic needs-to be loved, wanted, accepted and cared for. Growing up I had dinner with my parents every night and we talked about our day, politics, and people. As a teacher I realized that families rarely eat together, conversation is nil, and connection has disappeared. Everyone is too busy with athletics, music lessons, SAT prep and parents are working too late. Meals are on the run if families have money for food. We need to get back to the dinner table, and take other children in to the family fold, as Kathy and David are. As a history teacher, my message to my students was that "one person can make a difference," and this example of how inclusion and connection matters is indeed a lesson for each of us that our actions can matter to so many others.
13
Dear David,
Indeed all kids deserve a decent chance for a life.
But if you don't mind my saying, performing songs and burning sparklers is not going to get it.
You my faux bleeding heart friend are going to need to change your core ideology, give up on fixing other nations with bombs and fix your own first.
Indeed all kids deserve a decent chance for a life.
But if you don't mind my saying, performing songs and burning sparklers is not going to get it.
You my faux bleeding heart friend are going to need to change your core ideology, give up on fixing other nations with bombs and fix your own first.
16
The need is unending; everyone knows that. Even so, people can experience burnout because it is so emotionally draining. One thing you have to get over very quickly is that there are rarely “successes” by a conventional standard; with children, it is even easier to imagine that things will suddenly change on adulthood. You’ll see many of the same people year after year, which makes you rethink a lot of things.
2
What the family does is beautiful.
However, the subtext of this recounting reflects a very narrow ecology of the mind. Our fetishization of labor rates, our distorted sense of national security urgency, our self-destructive conflation of racism (which exists) with race (which is a myth), our stupified approach to healthcare, and the short-term vision which causes us to irresponsibly divest from important cultural institutions like public schools. transportation infrastructure, are ALL connected to the intricacies of poverty.
The strands may be longer than you care to follow. The conditions may be psychological and not simply statistical (the language of policy makers). But the relations can only be denied by willful ignorance.
So, you can bathe vicariously in the good deeds others, or, you can point your influence and affix its beam on those who are, through their self-centered selfishness, inhibiting communities from realizing their natural level of generosity.
However, the subtext of this recounting reflects a very narrow ecology of the mind. Our fetishization of labor rates, our distorted sense of national security urgency, our self-destructive conflation of racism (which exists) with race (which is a myth), our stupified approach to healthcare, and the short-term vision which causes us to irresponsibly divest from important cultural institutions like public schools. transportation infrastructure, are ALL connected to the intricacies of poverty.
The strands may be longer than you care to follow. The conditions may be psychological and not simply statistical (the language of policy makers). But the relations can only be denied by willful ignorance.
So, you can bathe vicariously in the good deeds others, or, you can point your influence and affix its beam on those who are, through their self-centered selfishness, inhibiting communities from realizing their natural level of generosity.
5
David, you have written a beautiful article on a beautiful subject.
I profoundly respect your willingness to step outside your comfort zone and meet people, real people where they are.
As you point out, the problem in this country is a matter of distance. We no longer know who we are. Because the wealthy in this country are insulated from the reality of poverty, we cannot put a human face on the problem. Instead, we are lazy. We let Fox News tell us who poor people are and explain to us all the very good reasons they are poor. We let them arm us with the ammunition that those of with conscience need to fight back the inconvenient truth that real Americans, especially children, are suffering. These children do not have, in many cases, safe homes, access to quality education, access to nutritious food, access to inspiring role models, exposure to possible, interesting career paths, and on and on. And when they fail, because only the exceptional or the lucky can avoid failure when the deck is stacked against them to this degree, we blame them.
Will Donald Trump or the Current Disfigured Visage of the GOP lead us to a better future. Of course not. Quite the opposite. Will Hillary? I have serious doubts because as an adult, I am fairly aware that government can only do so much. Still government can assist in some areas. But to your larger point, the real solution can only come from the American people - those with your same courage.
I profoundly respect your willingness to step outside your comfort zone and meet people, real people where they are.
As you point out, the problem in this country is a matter of distance. We no longer know who we are. Because the wealthy in this country are insulated from the reality of poverty, we cannot put a human face on the problem. Instead, we are lazy. We let Fox News tell us who poor people are and explain to us all the very good reasons they are poor. We let them arm us with the ammunition that those of with conscience need to fight back the inconvenient truth that real Americans, especially children, are suffering. These children do not have, in many cases, safe homes, access to quality education, access to nutritious food, access to inspiring role models, exposure to possible, interesting career paths, and on and on. And when they fail, because only the exceptional or the lucky can avoid failure when the deck is stacked against them to this degree, we blame them.
Will Donald Trump or the Current Disfigured Visage of the GOP lead us to a better future. Of course not. Quite the opposite. Will Hillary? I have serious doubts because as an adult, I am fairly aware that government can only do so much. Still government can assist in some areas. But to your larger point, the real solution can only come from the American people - those with your same courage.
3
What is it that drives us all to forget the incredible power of being kind and doing nice things?
I try to remember, but often forget. Thank you, Mr. Brooks, for this lovely reminder.
And to all the people who comment about the politics of the writer - let that part go. It mocks, in my opinion, the message that is available here.
Bring us more essays like this please.
I try to remember, but often forget. Thank you, Mr. Brooks, for this lovely reminder.
And to all the people who comment about the politics of the writer - let that part go. It mocks, in my opinion, the message that is available here.
Bring us more essays like this please.
7
David,
What an outstanding article. I honestly thought I was reading and article from Charles Blow, until I went to the top of the page and saw it was yours. I think that says a lot about who you are, the kind of Republican I could actually spend time with. This family's beautiful generosity and caring. It makes me realize just how much I am not doing and how much I should be doing. Thank you
What an outstanding article. I honestly thought I was reading and article from Charles Blow, until I went to the top of the page and saw it was yours. I think that says a lot about who you are, the kind of Republican I could actually spend time with. This family's beautiful generosity and caring. It makes me realize just how much I am not doing and how much I should be doing. Thank you
9
This informal dinner gathering reminds me of Baltimore's Thread program. Both give kids access to adults who "parent" them. we just need lots more programs like these.
6
You said "During this election season of viciousness, vulgarity and depravity", but can't bring yourself to say "During this election season of Trump's viciousness, vulgarity and depravity", This essentially a smear on Hillary Clinton and the Democratic party since they had nothing to do with the "viciousness, vulgarity and depravity".
21
Mr. Brooks' reflections bring to mind something my elders fondly and frequently recalled about a time when providing a meal and a kind word to needy individuals, even if they were complete strangers who just happened to knock on their door, was the norm. Thanks to Mr. Brooks, Ms. Fletcher and Mr. Simpson, their fondness for those times means more than ever to me.
5
what an inspiring article, especially in this horrid election year
6
I never was a regular follower of Mr. Brooks' columns. I guess because I am what is called a progressive, and I didn't want to be arguing in my mind with him. But, his recent column about the sad and lonely life of Donald Trump, and this one about his transcending experiences with this amazing couple and the the desperate children they have embraced with love and goodness have made me aware of what a brilliant, beautiful and insightful writer Mr. Brooks is. Thank you for your big heart and understanding, even when you are writing about someone who is totally unaware of how truly desperate HE is.
9
" “I still haven’t seen one program change one kid’s life,” This 73 yo worked in social service programs in the states. Thankfully they were funded by the feds, state or United Way. From Head Start, CETA to youth and family programs - they work.
Of course, it`s the dedicated people who work in them that make changes possible for the kids.
Sadly, not everyone has a home for 20 kids to hang out in. Kathy and David sound special, unique and an incredible couple. Sadly, The Washington Post reported that one day in January, there were 4,667 homeless children and their parents, compared with 3,683 single homeless adults. Multiple this by all the counties, cities and towns in the US. To deal with all of it properly, we would need a program on the scale of the Manhattan Project.
The hidden subtext from Mr Brooks is privatization. See what 2 people can do! Isn`t charity wonderful. Forget it folks. That`s a fantasy.
When the US stops spending over 2 Trillion dollars a year on militarization of our police and 1000 bases throughout the world; then we may be able to deal with true security - the education and true justice for all our children- not just the children of the 1%.
Of course, it`s the dedicated people who work in them that make changes possible for the kids.
Sadly, not everyone has a home for 20 kids to hang out in. Kathy and David sound special, unique and an incredible couple. Sadly, The Washington Post reported that one day in January, there were 4,667 homeless children and their parents, compared with 3,683 single homeless adults. Multiple this by all the counties, cities and towns in the US. To deal with all of it properly, we would need a program on the scale of the Manhattan Project.
The hidden subtext from Mr Brooks is privatization. See what 2 people can do! Isn`t charity wonderful. Forget it folks. That`s a fantasy.
When the US stops spending over 2 Trillion dollars a year on militarization of our police and 1000 bases throughout the world; then we may be able to deal with true security - the education and true justice for all our children- not just the children of the 1%.
26
I have to say, Mr Brooks, the further you stray from partisan politics. the more I admire your columns. Thoughtful, positive,and not a dig in sight. And although the thought of you hugging on introductions took a moment to get used to, I can see a great deal of sincerity in your story. My only reservation is that although this one at a time approach may produce genuine change when followed through, it is too slow. Our society needs to facilitate this, removing obstacles, otherwise not enough people are affected. Hearing some good in the world during this dour political season, and coming from an unexpected source, brightens my day. You are raising your bar.
12
Heartwarming in a time that we need to hear about people caring for others instead of disparaging those who are less fortunate. Struck a cord in my soul.
6
I absolutely love this article, David. As a school social worker, I agree with it all. Thank you.
9
Thanks, David.
It seems to me many of your respondents have missed the point. It has nothing to do with politics, NGOs, religion, or social movements; it's just about common decency and respect for others.
Despite all we see on TV, hear on the radio, or read about on the internet, a little kindness goes a long way. One might even say it's infectious.
It seems to me many of your respondents have missed the point. It has nothing to do with politics, NGOs, religion, or social movements; it's just about common decency and respect for others.
Despite all we see on TV, hear on the radio, or read about on the internet, a little kindness goes a long way. One might even say it's infectious.
11
Of course love can do things that no program can do. But this is missing the point: i.e., creating the right conditions for these kids' families to provide what Kathy and David so generously offer.
Why do these kids have to go hungry just because their parents are unemployed or disabled, or have mental health issues? Why do they have to couch surf?
Before you judge the uselessness of "programs", ask yourself whether the issues that these wonderful people help address would even exist in a world where government was actually adequately funded, and had priorities consistent with your values.
Why do these kids have to go hungry just because their parents are unemployed or disabled, or have mental health issues? Why do they have to couch surf?
Before you judge the uselessness of "programs", ask yourself whether the issues that these wonderful people help address would even exist in a world where government was actually adequately funded, and had priorities consistent with your values.
23
Love is good and necessary, but -- if you want to go out at night and ride on the subways -- self-interest is better. Forget about fixing things and things will fix us.
1
Sharing a meal with a stranger, of any age or any other
characteristic, or a story about…or a hug or another type
of physical contact; extending a welcoming hand, bridging a gap
of all sorts,is an act of trust. In oneself as well as in another
human being. Such behavior, by words, body language and
other invitations- to share ones private space-challenges the
culture of creating and sustaining “the other” and its resulting
stigmatizing, dehumanizing, excluding and its toxic
implications and consequences. Permitting oneself to trust another,
as well as one’s perceptions, judgements, decisions and learning skills,
is an opportunity to broaden ones abilities to more effectively adapt
in a reality of uncertainties, unpredictabilities and to challenge the myth
of being able to ever totally “control,” as distinct from making efforts to
effect, at various levels and qualities.Taking a chance in trusting another in
one’s home, neighborhood,community, work, places and behaviors of
leisure and spirituality allows for much needed failing forward as well
as learning backwards.There are many kinds of tables, meals as well as sharings; unconstrained opportunities for much needed menschlichkeit and experiencing the benefits of trusting ourselves as well as a stranger.We have all been, and are, strangers to ourselves and to others in so many ways; blind, deaf, unfeeling, hurtful. Taking a chance, giving another a chance is a gift.
characteristic, or a story about…or a hug or another type
of physical contact; extending a welcoming hand, bridging a gap
of all sorts,is an act of trust. In oneself as well as in another
human being. Such behavior, by words, body language and
other invitations- to share ones private space-challenges the
culture of creating and sustaining “the other” and its resulting
stigmatizing, dehumanizing, excluding and its toxic
implications and consequences. Permitting oneself to trust another,
as well as one’s perceptions, judgements, decisions and learning skills,
is an opportunity to broaden ones abilities to more effectively adapt
in a reality of uncertainties, unpredictabilities and to challenge the myth
of being able to ever totally “control,” as distinct from making efforts to
effect, at various levels and qualities.Taking a chance in trusting another in
one’s home, neighborhood,community, work, places and behaviors of
leisure and spirituality allows for much needed failing forward as well
as learning backwards.There are many kinds of tables, meals as well as sharings; unconstrained opportunities for much needed menschlichkeit and experiencing the benefits of trusting ourselves as well as a stranger.We have all been, and are, strangers to ourselves and to others in so many ways; blind, deaf, unfeeling, hurtful. Taking a chance, giving another a chance is a gift.
2
Unless ALL Republicans open up their homes to the homeless (yes, you too, David) we need to rely on government to fill in the great cracks and rot in our social network. Meanwhile David is sublimating the guilt he ought to feel as a member of the GOP. I am happy to have my taxes raised for this purpose, and I occasionally volunteer as well in the community cafe, just not enough.
23
"Bill Milliken, a veteran youth activist, is often asked which programs turn around kids’ lives. 'I still haven’t seen one program change one kid’s life,' he says. 'What changes people is relationships. Somebody willing to walk through the shadow of the valley of adolescence with them.' "
I think I get what he means, but it's like saying "tools don't build houses - people build houses. I never saw a tool build a house." Well no, but.
Dave & Kathy's PROGRAM sounds like a mighty useful tool.
I think I get what he means, but it's like saying "tools don't build houses - people build houses. I never saw a tool build a house." Well no, but.
Dave & Kathy's PROGRAM sounds like a mighty useful tool.
12
My liberal friends will read this and assume that government should\can play a role. It cannot. Government programs do not care about people. In fact, government programs have disinter-mediated the connections we used to have a society but people feel better about themselves when they vote for politicians who in turn vote for band-aids.
1
Perhaps your government can't play this role, but the one I grew up in could, did, and continues to do so.
Of course it is not faith- or profit-based. It is based on social principles that value humans above greed or some human made-up phantom.
Of course it is not faith- or profit-based. It is based on social principles that value humans above greed or some human made-up phantom.
13
Over the past 35 years, since Amy Carter went to public school, children of Presidents, political appointees, the Washington media community, etc. sent their children to private schools contributing to the decline of the DC public schools. Perhaps if more upper and middle class families of Nr. Brooks generation had kept their children in the public schools, the interactions described by Mr. Brooks would be everyday events in 2016 rather than charitable and heart-warming next steps.
10
Somehow I don't think that David would be writing about this if his party was on the verge of taking over the White House. Why don't you stop living in denial and start taking action. You've got a powerful platform to advocate change and yet you are writing new episodes of the Waltons! The Republican party has a big decision before it which whether to remain a mainstream political party or get taken over by the KKK. It's time to be a man and tell us where you stand.
10
May I come?
6
At last, a David Brooks column that captured my heart.
If you can do that again, Mr. Brooks, you may make me cry.
Go ahead, I dare you. Please.
If you can do that again, Mr. Brooks, you may make me cry.
Go ahead, I dare you. Please.
4
David,
Thank you for this. Seems to me you are a bit of an adolescent coming into his beautiful own, too, recovering from the abject poverty, ignorance, and abandonment of your political family.
Thank you for this. Seems to me you are a bit of an adolescent coming into his beautiful own, too, recovering from the abject poverty, ignorance, and abandonment of your political family.
6
Wow, thank you for the uplift. It's a beautiful story that I wish were emulated in every neighborhood in America. As Hillary Clinton titled her book years ago, it takes a village [to raise a child].
5
This column (and others like it) is why I read David Brooks.
7
Thank you, David Brooks.
5
Wonderful and very moving. Reminds me of how life changing and life affirming finding a safe loving place can be. This was true for me way back when in the early sixties and it altered my view of the world forever and for the better. I have had the good fortune to do some professional development work in the public schools. It is deeply moving to work with teachers who have great love for and commitment to their still students and to each other. Schools can be that safe haven for so many in need. Perhaps the Beatles said it best: "And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make".
3
If Hillary had wrote "It Takes A Dinner Table" instead of a village would you be supporting her? I take comfort in the fact that in all of recorded human history nobody has ever said It Takes A McConnell/Ryan.
13
Thank you, David, for lifting us for even a moment out of the political quagmire of this presidential election. Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
6
Kudos, David Brooks! We need to hear many more stories about nurturing caring relationships to counteract the divisive vitriol emanating from Trump and his camp. Many more of us need to act like Kathy and David long after the election is decided. Your article has a good chance of doing just that: encouraging many more of us to act selflessly for the good of others ... and ultimately of our selves.
1
When my twin daughters were still home, our table was also crowded, friends, boyfriends former boyfriends and strays all came to dinner. This was not every night but most nights, holidays too. It was great for my girls and fun for us as a family to help someone who was alone, for that night or for many nights. Not only helping those teens but I also knew where my girls were, all of the time. I loved having their friends too.
4
"Turn toward one another’s love like plants toward the sun," I love that!
4
The desperate economic situation of these children were created by David Brooks and the policies that he shills for. Brooks should be ashamed of the role he has played in engendering poverty among so many Americans.
11
Let it go, man! Are you the same person today that you were a month ago?
2
I recall reading the results of a survey conducted in the 1970's which sought to identify common characteristics of students who had achieved National Honor Society status. It was an informal study of approximately 1500 students.
There emerged only one common circumstance among all the interviewees - each had dinner on most evenings with the entire family at the table.
Interesting...............
There emerged only one common circumstance among all the interviewees - each had dinner on most evenings with the entire family at the table.
Interesting...............
7
Its behavior like this that Makes America Great - again again and again. Thank you Mr. Brooks, this will help me survive the next 3 weeks.
3
This story just made me cry; probably because it represents what is missing in my life today and so many others - hope. Hope for our youth, our communities and our very national soul. In this season of ugly political rhetoric - hateful language against minorities, refugees, women, other faiths, and other political views - it was just what the doctor ordered. A big dose of hope.
4
That quote about walking with kids through the shadow of the valley of adolescence is brilliant. That is the toughest challenge for me as a parent. Adolescence was not one of my favorite periods, so it's difficult to relive it with my own kids. But as Milliken underscores it, now is the time to walk with them.
4
Thank you for this wonderful, very human column, Mr. Brooks. It brought me to tears.
4
Thank you for this article David. Reading about AOK beats reading about Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton any day will actually have a positive impact on the lives of many young people, which I doubt either presidential candidate will. Be well.
1
Many thanks for this lovely story.
4
Dear David,
Talk about not seeing the forest becaause of the trees...
These kids, that are attending a very nice dinner, with very good people, but they probably also go to public school, get healthcare through CHIP, take public transportation, and likely access may other "government programs".
Yes, "relationships" are important, yes "charities" can help. But "government programs" are critical. You don't think government programs turn around kids' lives too?
David, do you believe that nice dinners with good people are a substitute for "government programs"? You think charities are a substitute?
It sounds to me like the schools need to be properly funded so that they provide the needed guidance counselors for college application. Also, the government should step in and ensure that public college education or training is affordable, just like it used to be forty years ago when I went to college.
David, there you go again, with your nonsensical and misleading "conservative" point of viewpoint...
Talk about not seeing the forest becaause of the trees...
These kids, that are attending a very nice dinner, with very good people, but they probably also go to public school, get healthcare through CHIP, take public transportation, and likely access may other "government programs".
Yes, "relationships" are important, yes "charities" can help. But "government programs" are critical. You don't think government programs turn around kids' lives too?
David, do you believe that nice dinners with good people are a substitute for "government programs"? You think charities are a substitute?
It sounds to me like the schools need to be properly funded so that they provide the needed guidance counselors for college application. Also, the government should step in and ensure that public college education or training is affordable, just like it used to be forty years ago when I went to college.
David, there you go again, with your nonsensical and misleading "conservative" point of viewpoint...
136
This week's gospel in the Revised Common Lectionary (Luke 18-9-14) is Jesus' story about the differences of two individuals praying in the temple. It begins, "Jesus told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt." I fee we are stuck regarding "the other" with contempt but consider ourselves righteous. Thank you for this hopeful example of respect and care for "the other"and community. These stories are desperately needed today.
1
David Brooks, thank you!
2
Thanks for a little glimmer of light --it helps me get through the dark times out there and reminds me of what is truly important in life.
2
Isn't it nice there are people who can afford to, and will, take in and feed the young victims of Trickle Down Economics? Compassionate Conservatism is working!
5
This couple is actually doing something good instead of talking it to death.
3
Mr. Brooks, we crossed paths at an airport this past August. When I walked over to you to express appreciation for your work you instantly jumped up and offered your hand. Be prepared. Next time that happens we're hugging. Very refreshing article.
1
I hope Kathy and David can create a small scale guide/manual to help families who have the ability to host a weekly meal get started on a similar community commitment. What's the best way to connect with kids who need it the most? Wouldn't it be amazing if lonely empty nesters could continue (even just once a week) with their parental guidance to other kids in the community after their kids are out in the world finding their way?
2
Mr. Brooks, are you still a Republican? Seriously, you should think about giving that up.
6
This story is an example that a meal consists of quite a bit more than mere food, sitting around and sharing are vital parts of the experience. It should also be a lesson for all the "busy" people, families, who run around constantly and don't have time for dinners at home with each other. What else is more important? Where else would you truly learn what is going on in your children's lives?
This line also struck me: "The college application process often seems like a shapeless fog to them; nobody’s taught them the concrete steps to move along the way."
Kids who come from families with no college background or who have lost their parents have a much greater chance of not making it to college or dropping out, many not even making it through the first year. To my father, who went to work at high school age, college was a mystery except the mostly bad things he had heard about student behavior in news reports. That it was supposed to be a 60 hour work week with classes and study, with little time left over for random activities, was a concept he had never heard. At that age, I couldn't explain it to him and, besides, I would have felt like I was trying to swim up a waterfall because of the negativity to which many, if not most, adolescents are continually exposed.
If more poorer and "first time" kids are going to go to college, they need help, they need mentors. This is not something that requires a grand govt. program but just people, one by one, doing the right thing.
This line also struck me: "The college application process often seems like a shapeless fog to them; nobody’s taught them the concrete steps to move along the way."
Kids who come from families with no college background or who have lost their parents have a much greater chance of not making it to college or dropping out, many not even making it through the first year. To my father, who went to work at high school age, college was a mystery except the mostly bad things he had heard about student behavior in news reports. That it was supposed to be a 60 hour work week with classes and study, with little time left over for random activities, was a concept he had never heard. At that age, I couldn't explain it to him and, besides, I would have felt like I was trying to swim up a waterfall because of the negativity to which many, if not most, adolescents are continually exposed.
If more poorer and "first time" kids are going to go to college, they need help, they need mentors. This is not something that requires a grand govt. program but just people, one by one, doing the right thing.
2
David,
I'm sure it's me but I simply cannot align your politics with this column.
I'm sure it's me but I simply cannot align your politics with this column.
6
David is complicated politically but seems to have a good heart
3
This highlights how to have true national security. Not playing ping-pong with human lives; our borders, prisons, schools, communities... Make our own security by not feeding our darkest instincts. Be part of wherever solutions are found, and build on them. And shine spotlights on them at least as much as we face our problems. Thanks for putting your heart on paper today Mr. David.
4
David,
What would help these kids even more would be sensible government intervention. Your political lackeys are against government subsidies for the poor. How can you spend Thursdays with these kids and continue with your republican views? Do you explain your views to these kids and how welfare would be bad for them? No, I think not.
What would help these kids even more would be sensible government intervention. Your political lackeys are against government subsidies for the poor. How can you spend Thursdays with these kids and continue with your republican views? Do you explain your views to these kids and how welfare would be bad for them? No, I think not.
6
I am so glad to see so many conservatives admitting that Hillary was right; it does take a village.
Programs don't save anyone, yet programs give people like Kathy and David some support from the rest of US. (I don't know if they receive any help from government, but they should.)
It is much cheaper to house and educate and feed people when young than to incarcerate them later. That is why I am a bleeding heart liberal; it's more fiscally responsible. Also, I just like people.
Programs don't save anyone, yet programs give people like Kathy and David some support from the rest of US. (I don't know if they receive any help from government, but they should.)
It is much cheaper to house and educate and feed people when young than to incarcerate them later. That is why I am a bleeding heart liberal; it's more fiscally responsible. Also, I just like people.
6
Thank you, David, for revealing that we all, including you, have depths of humanity hidden from one another until we're face-to-face, heart-to-heart. We're surrounded by failing institutions that have forgotten that loving kindness is the magnetic force that holds us all together.
2
Mr. Brooks, thank you for this article. I work with teens. This is one of the most powerful articles I have ever read. My mom always had space for one more at her table as do my husband & I. So many people do not understand the power of a dinner table.
1
Thanks David, what an inspiring article. There has been so much tension this year, so much confusion.....your article is a real contribution to sane thinking. Kathy and David are wonderful people, there are lots more like them. We need to celebrate these people.
I am usually not on your side of issues David but today you are a champ!
I am usually not on your side of issues David but today you are a champ!
2
It's an inspiring story for sure. On the other hand, we're facing the scariest, most consequential election in years, and all David Brooks can do is (to put it in GOP rhetoric terms) "sit around the table holding hands and singing 'Kumbaya?'"
5
David,
I read your columns regularly.... Sometimes you really annoy me when I think you're trying to see the 'right' side of an issue but I never fail to appreciate your honesty and your real attempt to find the good in us, all of us.
You made me cry today and I thank you. You showed me something that I can do. Some seemingly small, but very human thing that can change lives. Someone else's and my own.
Thank you.
I read your columns regularly.... Sometimes you really annoy me when I think you're trying to see the 'right' side of an issue but I never fail to appreciate your honesty and your real attempt to find the good in us, all of us.
You made me cry today and I thank you. You showed me something that I can do. Some seemingly small, but very human thing that can change lives. Someone else's and my own.
Thank you.
2
This is the most wonderful story I've read in a long time. I'm inviting some people over for dinner pronto. If my kitchen's not all that, so what?
2
I remember how astonished I was when I read about a day slotted (sort of like the big no smoking day in Nov.), for having a family meal together, I assume around a table. One Day! Only one day in a year to stop microwave cooking and eating pizza on the fly. What is that going to accomplish? A friend of mine who raised 4 children on a Devonshire farm told me when I visited for Christmas that she and her husband got rid of the big farm kitchen table and substituted a smaller one. She wondered how the kids would react when they came down for the holidays. Not well at all. The old table was their family table and back it came from storage. As a child families sitting down together for supper was non-negotiable and we didn't complain; we felt wanted and secure. Kudos to this wonderful couple, Kathy and David, who know what children need most.
3
What an uplifting story! Give whether you can or not!
Thank you, David for telling us this kind story about David, Kathy and AKL. This story is infinitely better than the vicious election campaign going on out there. Thank you for telling us that there are better things happening in the real world.
Thank you, David for telling us this kind story about David, Kathy and AKL. This story is infinitely better than the vicious election campaign going on out there. Thank you for telling us that there are better things happening in the real world.
3
Good column, David, though you will get hammered of course because you are a Republican. I've known people like Kathy and David and, while we can't clone them, we can encourage others to be like them. As you do here. The power of personal relationships is proven. We also need a robust social safety net. But many problems fail because they are not consultative enough. Social programs need to be informed by people who know the kind of assistance they need to reach a productive, meaningful life. If part of that assistance can come from people like Kathy and David, that could be very promising.
4
So lovely and generous. So many opportunities to help so many right here at home.
3
Thank you Mr. Brooks for this beautiful article. It is a true inspiration during this time of doubt and mistrust. I, too, believe the power of any great nation is in in the neighborly care its citizens have for one another.
3
Wonderful article, Mr. Brooks. If you were here, I'd give you a hug.
I want to take issue with the "veteran youth activist" quoted as saying, "I still haven't seen one program change one kid's life." I worked for several years in two different programs for troubled and addicted youth. In those programs, I saw lives changed through the same type of love and relationship this article describes.
I want to take issue with the "veteran youth activist" quoted as saying, "I still haven't seen one program change one kid's life." I worked for several years in two different programs for troubled and addicted youth. In those programs, I saw lives changed through the same type of love and relationship this article describes.
8
A lot of the columns that David Brooks has written have bothered me, but this column is simply beautiful. I don't know what the policy implications are of what this wonderful couple is doing, but I know that when Brooks writes that "souls are not saved in bundles" and that teens are not saved by programs, they are saved by relationships, he is saying something absolutely true. It is the glory, the complexity and the difficulty of the human condition that the answers to huge problems are rarely easy or simple -- and that even the worst problems you can imagine can still be smaller than love, and acceptance, and the shining hope in a human heart just waiting to be seen.
5
Sorry, but I read this paternalistic parable as a reflection of national disgrace, not as the feel-good inspiration Mr. Brooks intended. There are few saints among us, and we live in a world where childhood poverty is an acceptable norm. That is, it's accepted by mostly white people because of the fallacy that only black children are poor. The real message of this tale is contained in Brooks's citation of a "youth activist," who has never seen "one program change one kid's life." In other words--the ones Brooks doesn't express explicitly--our government shouldn't use "our" tax dollars to address the hunger, homelessness, and soul-consuming depravation of children living in poverty. What we need, rather than programs, is more Kathy and Davids to open their hearths to the children our society shuns. The idea that we depend on a few men and women of good-will to solve our nation's entrenched problems is what's fundamentally wrong with America. I want my tax dollars to go to programs like Head Start, school lunches, and Medicaid, and I also want the Donald Trumps of this world to ante up their share.
16
Yeah, baby! A thousand points of light, but not one tax dollar for poverty. The acrid antigovernment aroma of the republican 80's reeks throughout this faux-patchouli scented screed.
15
The waste of youth saddens me no end as a father.
I called 911 to report a teen, on something, acting bizarrely and falling down into moving traffic. I was asked why I called---good lord, if that were my kid I'd want someone to call for help. You ask why?
If you don't think NAFTA and our open border immigration and lack of immigration planning doesn't affect these kids, you really don't know anything about kids or jobs. You don't know what you're talking about.
I called 911 to report a teen, on something, acting bizarrely and falling down into moving traffic. I was asked why I called---good lord, if that were my kid I'd want someone to call for help. You ask why?
If you don't think NAFTA and our open border immigration and lack of immigration planning doesn't affect these kids, you really don't know anything about kids or jobs. You don't know what you're talking about.
6
So, David, now that your party is in disarray and your candidate is a proven Contemptible, are you going to write these uplifting fluff pieces until after the election? For the past eight years you've gone after the president and backed the party in power at every turn, and now that the sorry result of all that support is slapping you in the face you're going to show us your compassionate side. How nice. Where was this compassion when the spineless republican leadership kept repeatedly voting to overturn the Healthcare law? The blatant decision by the Supreme Court to make corporations "people"? You're a little late to the "table", David.
14
Bravo! The one thing that all these kids will have with them for the rest of their lives is that someone believed in them. When times are tough, that loving and believing face will come to mind.
4
This is beautiful. It is a way of re-creating the 'village' in the metropolis, and it's what ALL of us need to do if we want to re-weave the social fabric of our country. You cannot outsource relationships. Relationships rely on deeper, more permanent bonds.
If you are inspired to make a difference in the life of a vulnerable child, look into becoming a CASA, a Court Appointed Special Advocate for a foster child.
In my community, every child in foster care is matched with a CASA who remains by their side throughout their entire time in 'the system.' A CASA is a friend, mentor, and advocate who meets the child once a week, learns about their struggles, needs, and dreams, helps them to meet goals, gets to know the important people in the child's life, and speaks up for them in court twice a year.
All of us can take vulnerable children under our wings, protect and nurture them, and make them a permanent part of our clans. When we do this, we strengthen the community that our children and grandchildren will live in.
Retirees and empty nesters: It is joyful work, and you are needed!
If you are inspired to make a difference in the life of a vulnerable child, look into becoming a CASA, a Court Appointed Special Advocate for a foster child.
In my community, every child in foster care is matched with a CASA who remains by their side throughout their entire time in 'the system.' A CASA is a friend, mentor, and advocate who meets the child once a week, learns about their struggles, needs, and dreams, helps them to meet goals, gets to know the important people in the child's life, and speaks up for them in court twice a year.
All of us can take vulnerable children under our wings, protect and nurture them, and make them a permanent part of our clans. When we do this, we strengthen the community that our children and grandchildren will live in.
Retirees and empty nesters: It is joyful work, and you are needed!
3
David Brooks, thanks for actually writing about this country and getting out of the ivory tower. Our country is deeply divided on values and ideologies, I would bet we would be more united if we actually looked at the problems at hand. I'm pretty sure we would have good and practical ideas on policies that could make a difference.
3
These are extraordinary people with huge hearts who are making a difference. Unfortunately they are few and far between. I am surprised that Bill Milliken stated: "I still haven't seen one program change one kid's life". I have. In my own family. My cousins' father died from injuries he received during WWII and their mother managed to get by on the benefits she and her 5 children received from the government. Relatives helped out with what they could. After school the children participated in the Boys and Girls Club of America program. All 5 children grew up to be successful contributing members of society. One became a librarian, another joined the Navy and retired as a Chief Petty Officer. Others had various blue collar jobs. I proudly watched my cousin with whom I have a close relationship walk across the stage and receive her doctorate two years ago. She was not the usual age for receiving the degree, but she had a determination to reach that goal, and she had the true grit necessary to obtain her goal. That organization all those years ago helped mold my cousins into the fine adults each became.
Your Party, the Republican Party seeks to cut funding for benefits to people who are the neediest. I agree a dinner table shared with family and friends is a powerful device for bringing people together and really listening to one another, but you have to be able to put food on that table.
Your Party, the Republican Party seeks to cut funding for benefits to people who are the neediest. I agree a dinner table shared with family and friends is a powerful device for bringing people together and really listening to one another, but you have to be able to put food on that table.
10
I find my eyes brimming with tears.
1
Thank you, David. This is so uplifting and provides vision where it is needed the most.
2
Meanwhile the republican party is in the process of irreparably damaging political discourse. And Mr. Brooks waxes eloquent about "hostile soil has produced charismatic flowers". Fiddling while Rome burns is not a rational response. Where is the outrage about the constant lying? And what about the bogus claims of rigged elections, conspiracies, and duplicitous republican leaders standing back and watching, hoping Trump actually wins? If the American revolution had been populated by such people we would still be singing god save the queen. Pathetic.
1
This is a feel good column for David Brooks, in which he convinces himself he's not part of the cadre that served up today's Republican Party and thus its scary clown of a nominee.
At the Donald Trump dinner table our fellow Americans are drinking Donald Trump Kool Aid and finding it rapturously good. This is not a good thing. It's a very sad thing. Hillary's big win will hopefully remove a lot of destructive politicians from office. After the election for the sake of the country bridges will need to be built to the angry Trump base and they right now they just assume burn bridges. Going forward, Brooks and his fellow Republican 'thought leaders' can be part of the solution, and help build those bridges, or part of the problem and sell more angry division, in the most righteous terms of course.
At the Donald Trump dinner table our fellow Americans are drinking Donald Trump Kool Aid and finding it rapturously good. This is not a good thing. It's a very sad thing. Hillary's big win will hopefully remove a lot of destructive politicians from office. After the election for the sake of the country bridges will need to be built to the angry Trump base and they right now they just assume burn bridges. Going forward, Brooks and his fellow Republican 'thought leaders' can be part of the solution, and help build those bridges, or part of the problem and sell more angry division, in the most righteous terms of course.
1
Thigh is is the best David Brooks article that I've ever read.
3
This is so inspiring and shows what I preach: that each of us can do so much good for the world starting in our own 'backyards'.
1
Beautiful and inspiring. Further proof that what this country needs more than education reform, is family reform. All is takes is one solid adult showing up and offering that child a safe and stable place to grow.
5
Thanks for this column, David--what a beautiful expression of lovingkindness and courage.
3
Kudos to these folks for opening their home. But we cannot rely on individual whim/luck to rescue our lost teens. Schools have been asking for wraparound services for this very reason and it is very hard to get the funding. Teachers and family support workers could be the "squad of adults" if they weren't spread so thin. Sometimes they manage to do it anyway, but we as a society seem very reluctant to support this, instead writing off the children because of their parents. Here in Seattle, we have thousands of homeless kids. They need much more than we are giving.
4
"During this election season of viciousness, vulgarity and depravity,..." this piece is a much-needed uplift. Thank your, Mr. Brooks!
2
A thousand points of light. Too bad we need millions of points of light. Too bad Mr. Brooks' Republican Party pals are snuffing out those millions of necessary points of light as fast as they can.
8
This is why I look for your column twice weekly.
One of the earliest memorable memories of my childhood, and until this day is a constant reminder that we, I, are blessed, is as follows. My mother would be habitually late in picking me up at a Catholic private school in Saigon, Vietnam. I was 5 at the time. As I stood outside waiting for her, slowly, one by one, the kids in school would dissipated after being picked up by their parents. Going from seeing the love showered by the parents' hugs to their cute little bears, to eventually an empty afternoon on the parking lot of the school, it has left a sense of desperation, loneliness basking against the intense afternoon sun.
Soon, I was the only one standing there, in silence except for the growling hyperactive bowel sound from a hungry stomach, as we all were when we were kids - all of the time. I remember periodically two nuns came out of the school and handed me a Vietnamese sandwich. I had never felt so grateful, so loved, so hopeful, so reassured even with the separation anxiety that came with not knowing when your mother would pick you up.
Whatever goes to your stomach must first passed through your mouth, and your heart.
Humans are innately grateful and believe all deserve a second chance. Like Monseigneur Bienvenu in Victor Hugo's Les Miserable, how he lies to the police that Jean Valjean did not steel the silver candlesticks, but rather it was a gift, of real love, understanding, and caring.
The rest is history.
One of the earliest memorable memories of my childhood, and until this day is a constant reminder that we, I, are blessed, is as follows. My mother would be habitually late in picking me up at a Catholic private school in Saigon, Vietnam. I was 5 at the time. As I stood outside waiting for her, slowly, one by one, the kids in school would dissipated after being picked up by their parents. Going from seeing the love showered by the parents' hugs to their cute little bears, to eventually an empty afternoon on the parking lot of the school, it has left a sense of desperation, loneliness basking against the intense afternoon sun.
Soon, I was the only one standing there, in silence except for the growling hyperactive bowel sound from a hungry stomach, as we all were when we were kids - all of the time. I remember periodically two nuns came out of the school and handed me a Vietnamese sandwich. I had never felt so grateful, so loved, so hopeful, so reassured even with the separation anxiety that came with not knowing when your mother would pick you up.
Whatever goes to your stomach must first passed through your mouth, and your heart.
Humans are innately grateful and believe all deserve a second chance. Like Monseigneur Bienvenu in Victor Hugo's Les Miserable, how he lies to the police that Jean Valjean did not steel the silver candlesticks, but rather it was a gift, of real love, understanding, and caring.
The rest is history.
3
How many children grow up without fathers? Without a regular dinner hour in which all of the family participates? Without being read to? Without ever reading a book for pleasure? With limits placed upon television, computer games, cell phone use? With lessons in the importance of saving as opposed to spending? With respect for elders?
2
Here in Quebec the understanding of what makes a community has begun. Forty years ago we were a very conservative church and finance run country where your birth was your destiny.
When I went to the clinic this morning what caught my eye was a poster showing a woman about my age with the caption I want to live in my home as long as possible.
Our local clinic called a CLSC is the latest experiment in community here in Quebec. It is the community taking care of everybody from preconception to the very end. My wife and I are very grateful. Three years of compromised health may have meant assisted living except for an integrated program of visiting nurses, household helper and even local youth helping with gardening and yardwork.
The clinic is the office of our family physician, our social worker, the physiotherapist the community welfare and childcare officers and is located inside our public school.
We are as they say in the home stretch and everyday we are more independent but I cannot imagine surviving in our own home without community. It is 2016 and the USA must understand that only government can provide to oversight and organization needed to make our communities fully functional. We were lucky in Quebec because hugs were always the traditional greeting and handshakes were for greeting for those needing to verify the other party wasn't carrying a weapon.
When I went to the clinic this morning what caught my eye was a poster showing a woman about my age with the caption I want to live in my home as long as possible.
Our local clinic called a CLSC is the latest experiment in community here in Quebec. It is the community taking care of everybody from preconception to the very end. My wife and I are very grateful. Three years of compromised health may have meant assisted living except for an integrated program of visiting nurses, household helper and even local youth helping with gardening and yardwork.
The clinic is the office of our family physician, our social worker, the physiotherapist the community welfare and childcare officers and is located inside our public school.
We are as they say in the home stretch and everyday we are more independent but I cannot imagine surviving in our own home without community. It is 2016 and the USA must understand that only government can provide to oversight and organization needed to make our communities fully functional. We were lucky in Quebec because hugs were always the traditional greeting and handshakes were for greeting for those needing to verify the other party wasn't carrying a weapon.
6
Old, old story: The role of family in addressing social problems versus the role of joint action via democratic government. Is the personal generosity of one family a role-model that can be replicated enough times in enough places to put a serious dent in the social dislocations caused by economic mega-changes (deindustrialization to benefit the owning class most notably) and their evil stepchildren: drug abuse, domestic violence, family and community dissolution? Or is concerted political action a more likely solution by shifting the role of government away from facilitating the enrichment of the plutocrats of Goldman Sachs et al. and towards empowering We the People? At least Mr. Brooks didn't get going on a religious jag...
3
I have just read a biography of Michel de Montaigne (28 February 1533 – 13 September 1592), the Frenchman known as the father of the essay form of literature.
“How to Live: Or A Life of Montaigne in One Question and Twenty Attempts at an Answer,´ Bakewell, Sarah.
Once, being lucky enough to meet a group of Tupinambá people (cannibals} brought over by French colonists from Brazil, he [Montaigne] listened eagerly to their answers when they were asked what they thought of France.
When speaking to the Brazilian Indians in Rouen, he was struck by how they spoke of men as halves of one another, wondering at the sight of rich Frenchmen gorging themselves while their “other halves” starved on their doorstep.
Sort of like the American custom of keeping billionaires on the one hand, and starving homeless on the other.
“How to Live: Or A Life of Montaigne in One Question and Twenty Attempts at an Answer,´ Bakewell, Sarah.
Once, being lucky enough to meet a group of Tupinambá people (cannibals} brought over by French colonists from Brazil, he [Montaigne] listened eagerly to their answers when they were asked what they thought of France.
When speaking to the Brazilian Indians in Rouen, he was struck by how they spoke of men as halves of one another, wondering at the sight of rich Frenchmen gorging themselves while their “other halves” starved on their doorstep.
Sort of like the American custom of keeping billionaires on the one hand, and starving homeless on the other.
7
David-
I have always appreciated your viewpoint and respected your opinion- but this morning I fell in love with you.
To use the power of your pen to so beautifully illustrate how one couple can so powerfully affect change in their own backyard, surely will encourage others to also take action in their own way.
Being an undying optimist, I have always felt good will overtake evil. Here is one example of how that can happen. Thank you!!!
I have always appreciated your viewpoint and respected your opinion- but this morning I fell in love with you.
To use the power of your pen to so beautifully illustrate how one couple can so powerfully affect change in their own backyard, surely will encourage others to also take action in their own way.
Being an undying optimist, I have always felt good will overtake evil. Here is one example of how that can happen. Thank you!!!
3
Simply, thank you and God bless.
3
Lovely, inspiring story - but the coda was missing. What was David's response to "How is it possible you don't?"
1
Thank you for shining this beautiful light in the murky darkness of this turgid election season.
1
Thank you, David Brooks, for the gift to Me, of writing about Them.
1
One of my wife's former high school students became a family friend. He was adopted into a difficult household and had many issues to deal with. Over time, with my wife's regular counsel (and to a lesser degree mine), he has make great strides. We see him stepping up to make child support payments, taking his kids for the weekend, and most recently getting a used minivan to transport his children. Having him and his companion over for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas Eve dinners is a blessing for all. To us, he is family.
2
Thanks for this...
4
Year after year, for over three decades, David Brooks was on the side of the GOP ,somehow dismissing or compartmentalizing the role he was playing in creating a society in which alienation from basic wants is the norm for a third of the population. Almost every day he writes these columns of "look at the bright side!" nature It's nice you have dinner with these kids David. try actually LIVING the hell that they often do. I'll bet this makes you feel better to write this stuff, why did you help so stalwartly to create it?
14
David:
I'll applaud those young ones. Hold fast, tooth and nail to what you have found. Prosper, and someday pass on to another.
I'll applaud Kathy and David for their strength and generosity of food and time. Over 50 years ago I was in this place and there were others who helped me. You will never be forgotten. Ever.
And, now you, David.
Really? For 2 years you've shared in this exceptional situation and yet you are still a conservative? What is it that you think you are conserving? You see, I still remember that $122,000 "vacation" you took. That was last year. Somewhere between that trip and this column, there is a vast disconnect on who you are.
Gnawing at the back of my brain as I read this is Point 2.11 of the Libertarian Platform.
It reads: "The proper and most effective source of help for the poor is the voluntary efforts of private groups and individuals." No Social Security, food stamps, housing, medical, or education.
Couple that thought with Bill Milliken"s opinion, "I still haven't seen one program change one kid's life."
They say that you can't prove a negative, but I'll point out that if not for all those programs that there would not be 20 young ones at that table - there would be a thousand, or maybe 10,000.
I sure would like to sit down to dinner some night with you, Paul Ryan, Bill Millikin and Gary Johnson and discuss only ONE situation: these 20 young ones and the millions they represent and your plans for their care and future.
It's not AOK.
I'll applaud those young ones. Hold fast, tooth and nail to what you have found. Prosper, and someday pass on to another.
I'll applaud Kathy and David for their strength and generosity of food and time. Over 50 years ago I was in this place and there were others who helped me. You will never be forgotten. Ever.
And, now you, David.
Really? For 2 years you've shared in this exceptional situation and yet you are still a conservative? What is it that you think you are conserving? You see, I still remember that $122,000 "vacation" you took. That was last year. Somewhere between that trip and this column, there is a vast disconnect on who you are.
Gnawing at the back of my brain as I read this is Point 2.11 of the Libertarian Platform.
It reads: "The proper and most effective source of help for the poor is the voluntary efforts of private groups and individuals." No Social Security, food stamps, housing, medical, or education.
Couple that thought with Bill Milliken"s opinion, "I still haven't seen one program change one kid's life."
They say that you can't prove a negative, but I'll point out that if not for all those programs that there would not be 20 young ones at that table - there would be a thousand, or maybe 10,000.
I sure would like to sit down to dinner some night with you, Paul Ryan, Bill Millikin and Gary Johnson and discuss only ONE situation: these 20 young ones and the millions they represent and your plans for their care and future.
It's not AOK.
16
Thanks, David.
This is a good idea for good parents to emulate. The Lord knows that if this many troubled kids were at their home 24-7, the results would probably not be so good. Providing the refuge for purposeful activity is the key here.
We're witnessing the destruction of society by Washington, and I'm glad some are fighting back.
Lately I'm concerned about what our schools are doing to children by encouraging them to 'improve' upon their own emotional level. They're being taught to write way before I was being taught to write, and unfortunately writing itself, if it is to be useful, requires not just the learnable of skills but emotional development. They've messed it all up! They're going to end up creating skilled monsters if they keep this up.
We hate what most states and this shady group of corporations did to our education system. We hate it. Monsters, all of them!
I'll be amazed if we get through this as a country without breaking up. There's just so much dishonest about it, and our current election provides no hope for a positive outcome.
This is a good idea for good parents to emulate. The Lord knows that if this many troubled kids were at their home 24-7, the results would probably not be so good. Providing the refuge for purposeful activity is the key here.
We're witnessing the destruction of society by Washington, and I'm glad some are fighting back.
Lately I'm concerned about what our schools are doing to children by encouraging them to 'improve' upon their own emotional level. They're being taught to write way before I was being taught to write, and unfortunately writing itself, if it is to be useful, requires not just the learnable of skills but emotional development. They've messed it all up! They're going to end up creating skilled monsters if they keep this up.
We hate what most states and this shady group of corporations did to our education system. We hate it. Monsters, all of them!
I'll be amazed if we get through this as a country without breaking up. There's just so much dishonest about it, and our current election provides no hope for a positive outcome.
2
When politics become too much for David, he just changes the subject, giving us moralistic stories to edify our souls.
8
I really loved the article, and then I read the comments lambasting the writer for his political beliefs. Can't we just be human? The vitriol on both sides is emotionally exhausting. I'm going to appreciate the good in this article, and then stick my head gratefully in the nice, cool, complacent sand.
3
What's human about praising folks like Kathy and David on one hand--then supporting those who would slash the safety net that would help these kids on the other? For every one of these feel-good columns, Brooks writes at least three that praise those who are about nothing but helping the 1% get everything. That is called hypocrisy, and nothing can make up for that.
2
The crisis facing the country David is not what you describe - crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy. It's a crisis of calling what you describe in your column today as a hellhole by someone running for president.
Sorry, but one of the idols of conservatives, Margaret Thatcher, was wrong when she said there is no society, only individuals.
Sorry, but one of the idols of conservatives, Margaret Thatcher, was wrong when she said there is no society, only individuals.
8
In the last three generations or so, our country has gradually become the United States of Corporate America. Our daily lives revolve around the importance and meaning of our work and other interactions with business. Laws are routinely passed to promote the welfare of corporate America, because it is considered "productive" whereas low income individuals are menial labor, an inherently inferior class who is not to be favored.
The people making our laws and running our governments walk in corridors of power, and, when viewed from a lofty perch, the less fortunate among us are conveniently and easily dismissed as undeserving of society's resources. Business has lobbyists, and it gets tax breaks a la Apple, and undue influence over our daily lives. We, the people do not have lobbyists, and the individuals we elect to public office quickly react to the needs of those who provide the funding to keep them elected: the lobbyists.
While we wait for things to (hopefully) change, it would be fundamentally beneficial to our society if our government public servants were exposed to the situations being lived by their constituents, not the ones with lobbyists, but the other ones. And, not exposed while providing law and order policing of neighborhoods in inner cities, but actually making contact with those among us with less money, education, etc. in settings where human contact on a more personal level can take place.
Kudos to David Brooks for his column.
The people making our laws and running our governments walk in corridors of power, and, when viewed from a lofty perch, the less fortunate among us are conveniently and easily dismissed as undeserving of society's resources. Business has lobbyists, and it gets tax breaks a la Apple, and undue influence over our daily lives. We, the people do not have lobbyists, and the individuals we elect to public office quickly react to the needs of those who provide the funding to keep them elected: the lobbyists.
While we wait for things to (hopefully) change, it would be fundamentally beneficial to our society if our government public servants were exposed to the situations being lived by their constituents, not the ones with lobbyists, but the other ones. And, not exposed while providing law and order policing of neighborhoods in inner cities, but actually making contact with those among us with less money, education, etc. in settings where human contact on a more personal level can take place.
Kudos to David Brooks for his column.
3
There is no question that the supports from communities and families across the country can make a huge difference in the lives of children and families. We need to strengthen these efforts. But we should not forget that government also can play a huge role in improving the lives of so many - through support for good public educational opportunities at all levels, a minimum wage that supports a reasonable standard of living, government programs to support consumers, SNAP, job creation through infrastructure rebuilding, retraining programs, unemployment insurance, affordable health insurance options for everyone, grants to local communities to support community programs, affordable housing options, universal day care and pre-school programs, help for new mothers, and so on. We need both individual and community efforts AND government programs to make a major difference in the lives of children and their families.
4
Mr. Brooks, in this horrible time of divisiveness and hate I am thankful that you share this heart-warming real life story of what good people can achieve.
95
What the hell has gotten into you, Brooks?
That was about the most beautiful piece I've read (through tears) in dog years.
Many thanks, and please pardon the initial sarcasm.
- Frank
That was about the most beautiful piece I've read (through tears) in dog years.
Many thanks, and please pardon the initial sarcasm.
- Frank
3
My father was relatively conservative, my mother loved classical music. When I was around fourteen, a class mate became a friend and started to live with us. He was the most gifted caricaturist. He was a rebel, and I think he was lonely. We laughed, ate, commiserated, fought, played. And my parents listened to him and took him serious. He started to be for things, not just against. He started to believe in his own abilities and apply them. He started to see a future.
After about a year there was the accusation of us doing drugs - not entirely unfounded. Some pot, just like all the other kids. His parents didn't allow him any more contact with us.
Two years later he was dead.
I remember this now because now it seems as if it all happened around the supper table.
I still miss him.
After about a year there was the accusation of us doing drugs - not entirely unfounded. Some pot, just like all the other kids. His parents didn't allow him any more contact with us.
Two years later he was dead.
I remember this now because now it seems as if it all happened around the supper table.
I still miss him.
17
tt, and now I miss him, too, through your words. Thank you for remembering him to us.
1
This is poignant David, perhaps written from your den in Cleveland Park? As you said years ago, I think it was you, "you were a liberal until you were mugged." Perhaps you will become a liberal again when you realize how many people are struggling.
6
The hidden agenda here is small govt/lower taxes/let private entities help the poor. As your partie's nominee would say, ##SO NAIVE!!!
Yes, lots of people are in need and many of us are fortunate enough to be able to help them. Relying on the serendipity of "I ran into someone who needs a meal" or "my kids friend from school" is foolish and naive. Many will fall through the cracks using this casual plan.
That is why we have social services that proactively provide resources. I am honored to and grateful that I can pay taxes to help.
Yes, lots of people are in need and many of us are fortunate enough to be able to help them. Relying on the serendipity of "I ran into someone who needs a meal" or "my kids friend from school" is foolish and naive. Many will fall through the cracks using this casual plan.
That is why we have social services that proactively provide resources. I am honored to and grateful that I can pay taxes to help.
12
So, Mr. Brooks, maybe it does "take a village"? HRC took a lot of undeserved criticism for that. Maybe an apology would be in order.
8
The Power of a Dinner Table H.R. 1. Pending in the House of Representatives
The purpose of this legislation is to amend the Social Security Act. Effective upon enactment, the Social Security Act will terminate. All persons currently receiving retirement, survivors and disability benefits will be advised to find a dinner table within 25 miles of their abode.
Sponsored by Paul Ryan and cosigned by all Republican members of the House of Representatives. Similar legislation pending in the Senate, sponsored by Mitch McConnell and cosigned by all Republican senators.
We are a charitable nation; that is a great and honorable notion for citizens, but our government cannot legislate charity, nor should it leave the welfare of citizens to charity.
David has spent 2 years visiting with an amazing family...but he has benefited very little; his perspective is narrow, focusing only on the commendable good in individuals, to the exclusion of recognizing the greater truth that a healthy government works for all the people. No one in our society should live on hand-outs.
The purpose of this legislation is to amend the Social Security Act. Effective upon enactment, the Social Security Act will terminate. All persons currently receiving retirement, survivors and disability benefits will be advised to find a dinner table within 25 miles of their abode.
Sponsored by Paul Ryan and cosigned by all Republican members of the House of Representatives. Similar legislation pending in the Senate, sponsored by Mitch McConnell and cosigned by all Republican senators.
We are a charitable nation; that is a great and honorable notion for citizens, but our government cannot legislate charity, nor should it leave the welfare of citizens to charity.
David has spent 2 years visiting with an amazing family...but he has benefited very little; his perspective is narrow, focusing only on the commendable good in individuals, to the exclusion of recognizing the greater truth that a healthy government works for all the people. No one in our society should live on hand-outs.
8
"The purpose of government is the "greatest quantity of human happiness."
--John Adams (Thoughts on Government)
2
The most generous nation on earth is stumbling.
Our best in microbiology have held back. Parenteral is forgotten.
So it is with government programs that compete with goodness.
When government crowds a market, those working there are smothered.
The spirit of David Brooks' dinner table piece, the lesson here - is of staggering importance.
We must ask the lost teen. When asked, they will answer.
David Brooks found Kathy and David, they've found the lost teen.
Teach those teens. Teach parenteral, the misuse of tetracycline with grain for uptake to treat anaplasmosis.
The teen in us all needs a hug and fresh air.
Our microbiota are destroyed, we are suffering.
Hugs are great. Let teens visit the NYU lab of Martin Jack Blaser MD. Let them visit the lab of Hua Helen Wang PhD at Ohio State. One is about to turn 68. He has found the needed courage. The other is 51, and fears getting fired.
Our troubled teens have the message. Their energy must be harnessed. Their minds must be challenged. Their anger directed.
Sharing a secret binds and bonds us.
AMR is the front end of death. Warming is numbing. The turned off teen feels all this.
Trashed, they turn to crime. Challenged, they will spill truth.
David Brooks, Kathy and David, you can harvest from the most unlikely.
Take on the big ones. Antibiotic first, warming second.
A visit from Nadia Murad to Bard College will address Title IX.
Thank you, David Brooks.
Our best in microbiology have held back. Parenteral is forgotten.
So it is with government programs that compete with goodness.
When government crowds a market, those working there are smothered.
The spirit of David Brooks' dinner table piece, the lesson here - is of staggering importance.
We must ask the lost teen. When asked, they will answer.
David Brooks found Kathy and David, they've found the lost teen.
Teach those teens. Teach parenteral, the misuse of tetracycline with grain for uptake to treat anaplasmosis.
The teen in us all needs a hug and fresh air.
Our microbiota are destroyed, we are suffering.
Hugs are great. Let teens visit the NYU lab of Martin Jack Blaser MD. Let them visit the lab of Hua Helen Wang PhD at Ohio State. One is about to turn 68. He has found the needed courage. The other is 51, and fears getting fired.
Our troubled teens have the message. Their energy must be harnessed. Their minds must be challenged. Their anger directed.
Sharing a secret binds and bonds us.
AMR is the front end of death. Warming is numbing. The turned off teen feels all this.
Trashed, they turn to crime. Challenged, they will spill truth.
David Brooks, Kathy and David, you can harvest from the most unlikely.
Take on the big ones. Antibiotic first, warming second.
A visit from Nadia Murad to Bard College will address Title IX.
Thank you, David Brooks.
1
David, you got this one exactly right. We must reach out to our youth and to one another and stop talking "at" one another and start listening. The dinner table is a great place to start and more of us need to emulate these fine people.
1
One has to celebrate what happens on these nights and the generosity of these people and so many others. At the same time we should be asking how do we stop the need for this so that people have relationships and love everyday and do not have to go find it. How can we change our society so a night like this is an every day occurrence for everyone without the assistance of others. Can we not live in a community of relationships and love that spans all people so that we know our neighbor better and find peace?
1
Don't know how else to express this, A lovely column. Thanks.
1
"Somebody willing to walk through the shadow of the valley of adolescents with them."
Thanks. I needed a good story.
Thanks. I needed a good story.
1
David, a successful program creates the context in which the nurturing relationships you write about can be supported and magnified. That's why Kathy and David started AOK -- a program to provide the funding needed to support the college aspirations Kathy and David are nurturing in these young people.
So often you mar an otherwise thoughtful column by retreating to either/or rhetoric -- in this case, either individual initiative (conservative) or programmatic/organizational solutions (liberal) -- when both/and rhetoric would serve our multi-dimensional reality more faithfully.
So often you mar an otherwise thoughtful column by retreating to either/or rhetoric -- in this case, either individual initiative (conservative) or programmatic/organizational solutions (liberal) -- when both/and rhetoric would serve our multi-dimensional reality more faithfully.
4
Government policy and personal support are not mutually exclusive. Each has its place. People who believe in government are not un-generous, and people who demonize government are often personally generous.
Your party's political calculations have devastated the balance of the commons and of the idea of compromise. I wish I could read this feel-good essay and actually feel good, but I just can't in this political season. I am a Dem and should feel good about the well-deserved conflagration of the Repub party, but I can't.
Your party's political calculations have devastated the balance of the commons and of the idea of compromise. I wish I could read this feel-good essay and actually feel good, but I just can't in this political season. I am a Dem and should feel good about the well-deserved conflagration of the Repub party, but I can't.
3
Mr. Brooks, I think you'd much rather be writing these pieces than the usual op-ed fare. Maybe the NYTimes will let you change your job description? This type of story is far more important than political musings.
3
This made my month; thank you David Brooks! My spiritual guru. Also made me reflect and need to get further involved.
3
A wonderful story that, I am sure, is being played out in some way or another in many communities throughout the country. But, as we know, there is so much more that must be done to comprehensively address the needs of the millions of children and teens who live in poverty. It is essential for people of goodwill, people who are touched by stories like this one -- people like David Brooks, in fact -- to raise their voices so that the misanthropes in Congress, and the State Houses throughout the country, who actually could do something to assist these young people to grow to become productive adults in our society. Until governments pay attention, until governments provide sufficient funding for existing programs, instead of cutting their budgets, and create new programs that will aim for outcomes like those that the work of Kathy and David have achieved, we can't expect the love, that Brooks calls the necessary force for positive change, to reach more than a handful of young people in pockets around the country. This country is fortunate to have Kathy and David. This country -- we -- must build on their good work, not use it to avoid taking action.
3
Heroes don't wear capes.
1
I just don't understand you, Mr. Brooks.
How in the world do Republican policies help these children?
How does repealing the ACA help these children?
How does defunding Planned Parenthood help these children?
How does privatizing Social Security help these children?
How does refusing to pay your daughter and the 21-year-old woman equally help these children?
How does cutting off SNAP help these children?
How does not reforming college tuition help these children?
Yet, the Republican platform does those aforementioned things.
And, the disingenuousness of these thoughts, "During this election season of viciousness, vulgarity and depravity..." and then this, "The problems facing this country are deeper than the labor participation rate and ISIS. It’s a crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy," really bothers me.
The primary race between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton was not depraved. It was about real issues, and not just labor participation and Isis.
The primary race between Donald and the rest of the Republicans was horrible and degrading to all of us. And now he has brought us all down with him, aided and abetted by his fellow Republicans. And here you are writing this piece, sticking your head in the sand as he screams that the election is rigged and people from Peggy Noonan are suggesting it in fact is.
For all our sake's, speak up, say something about this abomination. Our very nation is at stake.
How in the world do Republican policies help these children?
How does repealing the ACA help these children?
How does defunding Planned Parenthood help these children?
How does privatizing Social Security help these children?
How does refusing to pay your daughter and the 21-year-old woman equally help these children?
How does cutting off SNAP help these children?
How does not reforming college tuition help these children?
Yet, the Republican platform does those aforementioned things.
And, the disingenuousness of these thoughts, "During this election season of viciousness, vulgarity and depravity..." and then this, "The problems facing this country are deeper than the labor participation rate and ISIS. It’s a crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy," really bothers me.
The primary race between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton was not depraved. It was about real issues, and not just labor participation and Isis.
The primary race between Donald and the rest of the Republicans was horrible and degrading to all of us. And now he has brought us all down with him, aided and abetted by his fellow Republicans. And here you are writing this piece, sticking your head in the sand as he screams that the election is rigged and people from Peggy Noonan are suggesting it in fact is.
For all our sake's, speak up, say something about this abomination. Our very nation is at stake.
29
I do not believe that you have been reading Brooks as regularly as you claim. Brooks has rarely, if ever, been the advocate for the positions you have accused him of. Yes, he has been a conservative republican for many years, but in this election he has persistently crafted far more reasoned responses than you are accusing him of. Your sanctimonious attack is part of the problem he is talking about.
5
Good column, David, but you should not abandon political leanings in your writing because your favored party is in disgrace. At this point in the truly scary political scene in our country, your considerable skills should be aimed at calming the remnants of the Republican Party who respect your views and your intelligence. Keep telling them that they are very wrong to follow the path of Donald Trump as his actions and rhetoric become more unhinged from reality.
There is really no more important message you could write at this moment.
There is really no more important message you could write at this moment.
4
The story of Kathy and David's generosity, echoed by the stories your readers have shared about their own families and community outreach services, remind us again and again that self-interest and fear of the other is not a dominant American trait. And just as these young people are being fed, listened to and embraced by strangers who become a new family, they have been given a model for how, in time, they, too, might be a beacon for others. And that goes for all of us. Thank you, David Brooks, for making my day!
67
Hooray - something positive for a change. Thank you!
3
Whenever you note this election cycle filled with "viciousness, vulgarity and depravity", don't you feel ethically bound to note the source of so much sickness? Namely the Republican nominee and his rag tag group of advisors and surrogates. You should.
3
This country is hungry for these types of sentiments and actions to echo more widely. It certainly makes me question why I haven't done my share.
73
Hugs. Full tummies. Attention. Love. These things can create small miracles.
85
Bill Milliken, a veteran youth activist, is often asked which programs turn around kids’ lives. “I still haven’t seen one program change one kid’s life,” he says. “What changes people is relationships. Somebody willing to walk through the shadow of the valley of adolescence with them.”
But these programs are run by people and can bring important changes into a teen's life, a family's life, and everyone who is involved. The problem with many programs is that they are starved for money because someone, usually an elected official, decides that any program for poor people is a waste of money since poor people have decided to be poor. Then they cut the funding or change the way the program is run despite the evidence, for example, that it works better if the people involved with the participants have a small caseload, make more contacts over a longer period of time, and have advanced degrees instead of no degrees.
Mr. Brooks is still shilling for the GOP agenda which involves spending money on the rich while starving the rest of us and depriving us of the chance to have a good life. He prefers to ignore the facts that say early and frequent intervention or assistance to poor families with children is more useful than letting them stew in their problems. No child should have to rely on chance to receive affection, concern, and discipline from caring adults. That goes for every child, not just homeless ones.
But these programs are run by people and can bring important changes into a teen's life, a family's life, and everyone who is involved. The problem with many programs is that they are starved for money because someone, usually an elected official, decides that any program for poor people is a waste of money since poor people have decided to be poor. Then they cut the funding or change the way the program is run despite the evidence, for example, that it works better if the people involved with the participants have a small caseload, make more contacts over a longer period of time, and have advanced degrees instead of no degrees.
Mr. Brooks is still shilling for the GOP agenda which involves spending money on the rich while starving the rest of us and depriving us of the chance to have a good life. He prefers to ignore the facts that say early and frequent intervention or assistance to poor families with children is more useful than letting them stew in their problems. No child should have to rely on chance to receive affection, concern, and discipline from caring adults. That goes for every child, not just homeless ones.
20
"Mr. Brooks is still shilling for the GOP agenda which involves spending money on the rich while starving the rest of us and depriving us of the chance to have a good life."
The killing joke is that the GOP can't seem to fathom that social programs are "value added" in so many ways. Imagine when we institutionally help our poor and, especially, our young. Think of how this certainty, in having a minimum chance at a better life would balance out the negative influences that the young face, every minute of every single day. Think of how it would reduce crime, even as a bare minimum benefit.
The utter idiocy of their aversion to social programs is remarkable and shameful.
The killing joke is that the GOP can't seem to fathom that social programs are "value added" in so many ways. Imagine when we institutionally help our poor and, especially, our young. Think of how this certainty, in having a minimum chance at a better life would balance out the negative influences that the young face, every minute of every single day. Think of how it would reduce crime, even as a bare minimum benefit.
The utter idiocy of their aversion to social programs is remarkable and shameful.
7
My sister brought hungry classmates home for lunch. This was the 70's. So the question is, why are children still hungry? They cannot rely on the chance kindness of strangers. They need comprehensive help - the kind of help Republicans vote against over and over again.
25
Thank you for highlighting such a beautiful, uplifting example of what we all should be doing right now.
As I watch the news in shock of how many people are in favor of such vicious behavior, the reminder of our responsibility to love without boundaries or categories is a cooling salve.
As I watch the news in shock of how many people are in favor of such vicious behavior, the reminder of our responsibility to love without boundaries or categories is a cooling salve.
4
Growing up (and even now at 30), it is a requirement to be home for dinner on Sunday night, at the table. It was at that dinner table that life's values were instilled as was love and appreciation.
My parents grew up with this and I certainly will carry the tradition forward.
Anyone who is willing to open their doors is a rarity today. I applaud Kathy and David for their charity and for showing kids who seemingly have little chance that they in fact do matter.
What a world we would live in if we all set an extra plate at the table.
My parents grew up with this and I certainly will carry the tradition forward.
Anyone who is willing to open their doors is a rarity today. I applaud Kathy and David for their charity and for showing kids who seemingly have little chance that they in fact do matter.
What a world we would live in if we all set an extra plate at the table.
3
Sweet story in a time of political turmoil. We need to be reminded that there are generous people doing good out there. They are everywhere across this country. Even though Milliken gives youth programs a negative rating there are great people working in those programs who are devoted to helping kids thrive.
3
This is a powerful read. In my volunteer work with the homeless you are taught not to give out any personal information about yourself - perhaps this is a liability issue but it stirs up a tinge of fear and separation as you approach the engagement. Even if you call the homeless "guests," you don't really connect with them in a meaningful relational way. My emotional investment is checked because of this separation.
I can only imagine the value of these dinner table relationships - good investments compounding over time. Thank you for sharing.
I can only imagine the value of these dinner table relationships - good investments compounding over time. Thank you for sharing.
3
David, your party, the GOP has not been the party of solidarity---it is the party of Ann Rand, who would show great disdain for Kathy and David's inability to turn a profit on their homegrown restaurant.
11
Can you imagine what Paul Rand or Newt Gingrich would say about Kathy and David?
1
This is a lovely piece. Thanks for reminding us what's important: shattering the distances between us.
3
Please tell me you will expand on the theme of "complete intolerance of social distance" in your next book. You amaze. The messy world of relationships is at the very heart of the matter, and relationships, especially ones that endure, are the only things that produce lasting change in people. Once again, you, Kathy and David, AOK, and so many of your commenters give me great hope. America is already great. And you all know we can even be greater still.
2
In the troubling times we are now experiencing I resort to music to lift my spirits. That beautiful song “Heartlight” by Neil Diamond was sad and yet inspiring. We need to care for each other. Get it a try.
3
If I believed in coincidences, I'd say this column appearing on the same day as Letterman's self-excavation story would be a huge one. On one hand, a bright, vital and very wealthy man looking for something to do, not knowing what, but leaning in an humanitarian direction. On the other, an exceptional family not many people have ever heard about expressing love and kindness to those in need in a way that SHOULD be the definition of star power. Amazing.
In this season of political horror, where one's hope for the future of our culture lies fallow, I can only say thank you for such a lovely column Mr. Brooks.
In this season of political horror, where one's hope for the future of our culture lies fallow, I can only say thank you for such a lovely column Mr. Brooks.
2
Thank you for this article. As others have stated, this family is not alone. There are people all around this country who open their hearts and their lives to provide food, community and love to people who need it. What you are describing here in this article is charity-which is needed-- but, to really impact lives we need justice. Economic justice. Racial justice. Gender justice. Educational justice. The rub is that working for justice asks so much more of us than charity. Justice asks us to look deeper into the big picture and ask ourselves, how we can transform the forces which create so many people in distress, poverty and need? In parallel with these types of charity, we need to dig deeper and shape our society to be more supportive of children and other vulnerable members of our communities through our national budget and national policies. It's hard work, but look at what is at stake. Our kids.
5
What a wonderful reminder of the importance of community and feeling wanted. Thank you, David, for sharing your experiences at this wonderful home. It really is the simple things that are so heartfelt and valuable.
4
Great column, David. This made me remember special times in my past. As a teenager growing up in semi-rural Maryland in the 50s and 60's, I was very blessed to have three neighbors: two older women and one older man living nearby where I was always welcome. They were safe places when things were too wierd at home. One taught me needlework and gardening, one helped me hone my horse training skills, and one encouraged my reading choices to help me through SATs for college. Underneath, they all made me feel very special and worth spending time with. If they knew about my family problelms, they did not say anything. They just loved me. It made a huge difference in my life and I am very grateful.
10
The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don’t flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing...
Galway Kinnell
stands for all things,
even for those things that don’t flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing...
Galway Kinnell
8
Jack, that is so true. Thank you for sharing the Galway Kinnell poem.
1
Thank you for this lovely column that restores my faith in humanity, especially in this vitriolic election season. May we all be half as generous in spirit or action as Kathy and David are.
5
The piece ends with a supposedly rhetorical question that's actually quite easy to answer. How is it possible you don't have so many kids flowing through your house?
Think about it for a moment. I want you to go through the mental exercise and actually answer that question. Write it down or throw it on the whiteboard if you want. Now look at the list. Is there any response that doesn't feel like an excuse to you? I know my top three and they ring pretty hallow after a little scrutiny. Which is to say, I probably could if I weren't so lazy. I'm not saying go start your own soup kitchen or anything but volunteering one night a week isn't a very big ask.
Think about it for a moment. I want you to go through the mental exercise and actually answer that question. Write it down or throw it on the whiteboard if you want. Now look at the list. Is there any response that doesn't feel like an excuse to you? I know my top three and they ring pretty hallow after a little scrutiny. Which is to say, I probably could if I weren't so lazy. I'm not saying go start your own soup kitchen or anything but volunteering one night a week isn't a very big ask.
I have to send this to let you know I read this, Mr. Brooks, and I don't point fingers today and I don't expect you to be "transparent" as if others have a right to inspect you although u may not be ready for full disclosure, such as why or why not. You are not surprised to see yourself revealing what you suspect, no, knew 'How is it possible you/I don't'…whatever it is that is beyond us. Still, you write the best you can and truth be told we don't know who does it better.
Va Shalom
Va Shalom
A fine and lovely story. But... going to dinner in a comforting atmosphere is great for those who have little else in the way of hope or comfort. Again, I ask, why did it take Brooks so long to condemn what Trump represents? Not the singer, but the song? His is a rotten song, and verses of it have been performed all over America for centuries. As a newcomer, I learned to avoid places where the choir of nihilists gathered to sing their bleak words--retired cops and their friends among them.
But what can the kids do, even in a family where Mom and Dad remain together, when both parents are gone most of the time, each working one and a half or two low-paying jobs with few or no benefits to try to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table? That's the real America David for millions of American families trying to make a go of it in the year 2016.
4
I helped raise 2 girls in the San Francisco Bay Area because the mother always worked a swing shift and the father was gone. In my youth my large family always had dinner together, and I wanted to pass that along. My girls and I always had a 3 or 4 course meal, and one or both had to help cook literally from the time they could stand up. We had three strictly observed customs at dinner. First, everyone had to contribute to the conversation. Second, if I asked how school was, they had to tell a thoughtful story about some aspect of their day, even if it was short. Third, we had to talk about at least one story in the news that day, no matter the topic. They could read a story out loud from the newspaper if they had not yet read the paper or watched TV or internet news. It could be from any section of the paper: politics, weather, science, human interest, sports, whatever. But then we talked about it and all had to contribute. Funny thing happened: when they got to be teenagers, one or more of each girl's friends— boys and girls— frequently appeared at dinner time, knowing they would be invited to eat and knowing our customs and food. Many kids commented that their families rarely or never had dinners like ours. These kids were not poor in money, but they craved this kind of social time. Breaking bread together is fundamental to family and human bonding. There are a thousand examples of this. That bonding is, in turn, fundamental to a healthy and cohesive society.
1
As Mr. Brooks notes, this has been an “election season of viciousness, vulgarity and depravity,” and I am glad that he has found a place of uplift at the dinner table of Kathy Fletcher and David Simpson. I would note, however, that the ugliness of this election season, dating back to the the primaries, emanates almost exclusively from one source: Donald Trump.
Here’s the other thing: Even as Mr. Brooks describes these dinners, I can imagine Hillary and Bill doing something similar. After all, the Clinton Foundation actively seeks to better the lives of children all around the world. On the other hand, I really can’t imagine Donald and Melania hosting such a meal. Furthermore, the State of New York has told Trump’s foundation to stop soliciting funds in this state, so problematic are its operations.
Kathy Fletcher and David Simpson remind us in the best way that charity begins at home. Trump, however, reminds us that charity cannot be relied on exclusively. It is ultimately the role of government to support its people through basic services; citizens and corporations pay their taxes to make all of that possible.
Here’s the other thing: Even as Mr. Brooks describes these dinners, I can imagine Hillary and Bill doing something similar. After all, the Clinton Foundation actively seeks to better the lives of children all around the world. On the other hand, I really can’t imagine Donald and Melania hosting such a meal. Furthermore, the State of New York has told Trump’s foundation to stop soliciting funds in this state, so problematic are its operations.
Kathy Fletcher and David Simpson remind us in the best way that charity begins at home. Trump, however, reminds us that charity cannot be relied on exclusively. It is ultimately the role of government to support its people through basic services; citizens and corporations pay their taxes to make all of that possible.
3
My daughter was an only child and her father traveled frequently for business. Though we were only two, I said early on that we would sit down and have dinner together every night, no matter what. Even in our affluent area, there were many kids whose parents were often "tied up" at work and not home until long after dinner time. Kids being kids, they ate a bag of Doritos or half a box of breakfast cereal for dinner. Some of them started commenting about how good what I was cooking smelled, so I set another place at the table. Pretty soon we had a full table most nights. These kids were "hungry" too. They just loved the experience of eating with a group and talking about their lives. Maybe that's why this essay resonated with me so. Brought back some great memories.
9
Let's cut to the chase. None of these feel-good columns can undo the damage of 20+ years worth of Republican opinion leaders shilling for your deceitful and subversive post-Reagan agenda.
14
It is refreshing to read in the morning about the gift of human excellence - love. The Individualistic and selfish culture of American madness have banished the genuine love from our culture for many years. Time has come to get it back and first step is to hug each other when we meet and stop the hAteful TV and radio shows and political commentaries. We are not heartless people - deep inside we all cherish loving others - we are not mindful about this capacity. Can we return love to our life or we will fight to build walls and ban religious communities or deport poor families - choice is ours.
4
Relative to the rest of the world, poverty and discrimination in the U.S. are minor issues ginned up by hucksters, politicians and pundits. The poorest of the poor in this country generally got that way because of either their own or their parents laziness or drug use, and nevertheless wind up enjoying the benefits of free or subsidized housing, education, health care and other modern conveniences.
"The poorest of the poor in this country generally got that way because of either their own or their parents laziness or drug use, and nevertheless wind up enjoying the benefits of free or subsidized housing, education, health care and other modern conveniences."
As uplifting as this piece is, it cannot begin to balance out for such a mean spirited, Scrooge-like, statement. My only pleasure, in reading your comment, is that I don't know you.
As uplifting as this piece is, it cannot begin to balance out for such a mean spirited, Scrooge-like, statement. My only pleasure, in reading your comment, is that I don't know you.
2
Every community needs an AOK
3
touching piece, david, in a good way. resist the urge to see anecdote as science, though. as with the marshmallow "studies," we are always tempted to blue correlation with cause and effect.
1
David: I've been a fan of yours for many years both in the Times and on television. You've written many beautiful columns over those years and expressed many thoughtful and caring opinions on the right way for those who have benefits to reach out to those who don't and thereby express their willingness to help and reveal their true character by so doing. I think this piece ranks right at the top with your best pieces. I have a way of dealing with profound beauty. It reduces me to silence and often to tears as this piece did. Thank you.
1
No question, this is a beautiful couple doing good in the world. It reminds me of Christians in the first two centuries after Christ, for whom it mattered that rich and poor, free and enslaved, and male and female mixed as equals at a communal meal dedicated to God.
There is nothing in the Republican party--either expressed by its leaders, or present in its platform (a party that David Brooks has spent a career defending)--that comes near to expressing this kind of egalitarian spirit.
Is it that Mr. Brooks distrusts governmental, bureaucratic institutions? If so, he needs to try one of the thousands of nightly dinners shared by elderly men and women living on social security and protected by Medicare. He'd find a fairly loving communal spirit permeates those meals as well.
There is nothing in the Republican party--either expressed by its leaders, or present in its platform (a party that David Brooks has spent a career defending)--that comes near to expressing this kind of egalitarian spirit.
Is it that Mr. Brooks distrusts governmental, bureaucratic institutions? If so, he needs to try one of the thousands of nightly dinners shared by elderly men and women living on social security and protected by Medicare. He'd find a fairly loving communal spirit permeates those meals as well.
9
Great story.
Lesson is also very simple.
Ideology and acting that created the situation that produces these kids is Republican.
Thinking an acting of Kathy and David, good people helping them, is Democratic.
Make your choice...
Lesson is also very simple.
Ideology and acting that created the situation that produces these kids is Republican.
Thinking an acting of Kathy and David, good people helping them, is Democratic.
Make your choice...
9
In the midst of this horrific, base and traumatizing presidential race, it is a joy to read an article about giving and about the raw beauty and power of old-fashioned social networking (getting together face-to-face with those who otherwise have little in common). We open our door always to neighbors, but perhaps we need to open it a bit wider and reach a little bit further out there.
Thanks!
Thanks!
1
We need a million more safe and loving dinner tables. Sharing experiences and creativity without anxiety is essential to all our senses of self-worth.
But I am surprised, David, that Langston Hughes had a flip phone!
But I am surprised, David, that Langston Hughes had a flip phone!
1
Thank you for raising awareness of these people, their organization and their good works.
Thank you for sharing David. I am grateful for your kind heart and how you lead by example.
What an uplifting story! Give whether you can or not!!
Thank you David for writing about David, Kathy and AOK. An infinitely better story than the vicious election campaign going on out there - thank you, David once again!!
Thank you David for writing about David, Kathy and AOK. An infinitely better story than the vicious election campaign going on out there - thank you, David once again!!
Thank you, David, for the inspiring column. What caught my eye was the reference to the politeness, gratitude, and determination of the guests to become more than they are today. Those human traits continue after the loss of parents and siblings. "The working poor" is a social class in America today that receives little recognition. These young people appear to come from a family unit, where they were taught civility, and their first hand exposure to how the world works, has made them humble and cautious. The working poor are families struggling to stay together so a family unit can be maintained. Our country needs to stop taking advantage of the working poor families, so they can maintain their own family dinner tables.
Love is an action, not a feeling. Kathy and David are not only nurturing these kids, their modeling the behavior seldom seem in the adults in their lives, and the adults we see on our screens.
What a wonderful, simple idea with the power to have enormous impact. Thank you Kathy and David. And, thank you, David Brooks, for sharing.
Great article, Mr. Brooks. I believe that many of the breakdowns in our society are caused by the breakdown of our community, much of it enabled by technology.
We no longer need to sit on our porches in the evening during summer because air conditioning keeps the house cool. We don't need to interact with our neighbors, because TV has so many channels to watch. Many people find their community online, but they never meet any of those people in person.
I'm not religious, but I think reduced participation in church is part of the problem too. It's not the loss of faith and values, but the loss of community around the churches.
The community used to notice when something was wrong with someone, and they usually stepped in to help. So many people are completely isolated now and there is nobody there to notice when they are deeply troubled.
We no longer need to sit on our porches in the evening during summer because air conditioning keeps the house cool. We don't need to interact with our neighbors, because TV has so many channels to watch. Many people find their community online, but they never meet any of those people in person.
I'm not religious, but I think reduced participation in church is part of the problem too. It's not the loss of faith and values, but the loss of community around the churches.
The community used to notice when something was wrong with someone, and they usually stepped in to help. So many people are completely isolated now and there is nobody there to notice when they are deeply troubled.
1
This is a touching and inspirational piece about how to make a difference in the world. Thank you Mr. Brooks.
As a reader and viewer of Mr. Brooks over the years, I cannot help but imagine that the family and social crises experienced by the kids he writes about are most likely a metaphor for the political and spiritual “homelessness” and “disconnection” felt by Mr. Brooks these days.
It strikes me that you are a man of moderation, spiritual yearning and good heart Mr. Brooks. Perhaps it is time to accept that your party has left you “homeless” and/or "malnourished." I would welcome an autobiographical analysis from you. It may help many of us understand each other in some upcoming reconciliation process after the election.
As a reader and viewer of Mr. Brooks over the years, I cannot help but imagine that the family and social crises experienced by the kids he writes about are most likely a metaphor for the political and spiritual “homelessness” and “disconnection” felt by Mr. Brooks these days.
It strikes me that you are a man of moderation, spiritual yearning and good heart Mr. Brooks. Perhaps it is time to accept that your party has left you “homeless” and/or "malnourished." I would welcome an autobiographical analysis from you. It may help many of us understand each other in some upcoming reconciliation process after the election.
1
Many readers have commented on the disconnect between this individual compassion for the poor and the politics of the Republican Party. Some readers see hypocrisy here. I do see the disconnect and I hope Brooks will address this in future columns. But rather than hypocrisy I see someone willing to think outside the ideological box and explore human interactions and caring at a fundamental level. It’s the beginning of real dialogue, the kind that is so rare in our politics today.
2
David Brooks, I must congratulate you on writing a very moving column. Seeing other people as real human beings and not the "other" is so very valuable. Nonetheless, it will take a monumental effort by our politicians to acknowledge the good that might be done by efforts of this kind, instead of pandering to our most irrational fears.
2
"I still haven't seen one program change one kid's life" What is the implication David? This is a moving piece but you imply that social programs don't work so the only solution is for the loving people in the community to solve the problem. A wonderful ideal, but it has never worked at all. Think of the "Hoovervilles" during the great depression, or the gilded age, or the tent cities that rose across this country during George Bush's great recession You speak of compassionate conservatism (Just like George Bush" which really just hides overall selfishness.
3
The destruction of family life was cemented with the Great Society programs. It will take 50+ years to undo what has been wrought. Get rid of these programs and you will reassemble responsible families. Many of these problems will go away.
2
"How is it possible you don't?," is one of the most hopeful and compassionate questions I've read posed in the news in a year. Apply it to any social challenge or the relentless flood of racism and vitriol coming from the mouths of one dystopian presidential contender and his red-faced surrogates. Now, all of us Ned to step up and get to work. One act of kindness at a time. One positive solution at a time. One hug at a time. That's how you solve problems. Action. Love. Empathy. Thank you Kathy Fletcher and David Simpson. Thank you Edd and other youth. Keep on trying to change the world. One meal at a time.
1
"and their home a place to be reminded of what is beautiful about our country and what we can do to bring out its loveliness".
This home is a reminder of what is beautiful about every household in the world - because many many people behave in a similar manner [including Russians and Syrians]
This home is a reminder of what is beautiful about every household in the world - because many many people behave in a similar manner [including Russians and Syrians]
2
The AOK website directs. David Simpson responds. Kathy Fletcher and David have mastered life's message, and David Brooks is helped by his weekly visit.
Nadia Murad will hear about this writing. Her message is the message of David Brooks' awakening. David brought his daughter.
Now, he invites millions.
Nadia spoke at the Security Council. Rukmini Callimachi of this paper felt them first.
David Brooks has come of age. It's never too late.
David Simpson gives and gets. Every child is born with hope. We trash so many. Yet, given a hug and a pat, given a chance, there is potential.
Love is not enough, but it's a good place to start.
The children in recovery can lead us. Not all will make it.
But most will try. In saving one we save ourselves.
One by one, house by house, we can save the world.
There's 60 million out there. Ask Nadia.
Our trashed are our gold. Recovery works. Recovered they are stronger.
Kathy and David will not succeed with all. But by trying, they have created the message.
David Brooks is saving himself and us.
Great piece.
To all in need, either side of the need equation.
Nadia Murad will hear about this writing. Her message is the message of David Brooks' awakening. David brought his daughter.
Now, he invites millions.
Nadia spoke at the Security Council. Rukmini Callimachi of this paper felt them first.
David Brooks has come of age. It's never too late.
David Simpson gives and gets. Every child is born with hope. We trash so many. Yet, given a hug and a pat, given a chance, there is potential.
Love is not enough, but it's a good place to start.
The children in recovery can lead us. Not all will make it.
But most will try. In saving one we save ourselves.
One by one, house by house, we can save the world.
There's 60 million out there. Ask Nadia.
Our trashed are our gold. Recovery works. Recovered they are stronger.
Kathy and David will not succeed with all. But by trying, they have created the message.
David Brooks is saving himself and us.
Great piece.
To all in need, either side of the need equation.
You would call this building community, with the same root word as communion. Someone else might say, it takes a village. What lovely people your friends are for opening their homes and their hearts.
It's a lovely story about three lovely people-Santi, Kathy Fletcher and David Simpson. It's too bad Kathy and David aren't The Speaker of the House or the Senate majority leader. Imagine how many homeless, impoverished kids could be clothed, fed and educated if they were.
6
Thank you Mr. Brooks for another thoughtful article on how each of us can bring more healing, tolerance, love, and peace in the world. A great example of how to "be the change".
More evidence that Mr. Brooks is a repressed progressive - this piece has a warm glow of empathy - kudos!
1
Never underestimate the power of the dinner table.
What, An uplifting story that is not about the state of this election ? How refreshing. Nice story.
A crisis of "solidarity, segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy" in the U.S. which is to be repaired by Family in grand (social) and small (home) sense of the word?
The problem as stated (the crisis) and the solution (family) is more disturbing and difficult than we care to admit. The world is overpopulated, environmentally compromised, the human race is increasingly techno-bureaucratic, we are in danger of WMD, and we are all thrust together by advanced communications which means that the individuals most highly favored are along the Asian stereotype of the intelligent and disciplined but rather conforming person.
The more family becomes the watchword for not just household but entire society the more something of the Asian social paradigm is brought into being. This naturally favors a disciplined, intelligent, not too aggressive, not too loud, busy, technocratically skilled person. We can try to speak of family as in including everyone, loving everyone, all we want, but the actuality is that Asian society historically and the projected future of human race means a rather obvious choice of type of person by which concept of family arises and develops in the first place.
To get a grasp of the increasing stress on education and discipline and advanced concept of family in the most advanced societies simply imagine the type of person probably chosen for a Mars space mission: An intelligent, quiet, disciplined rather attractive person--if not actually a woman.
The problem as stated (the crisis) and the solution (family) is more disturbing and difficult than we care to admit. The world is overpopulated, environmentally compromised, the human race is increasingly techno-bureaucratic, we are in danger of WMD, and we are all thrust together by advanced communications which means that the individuals most highly favored are along the Asian stereotype of the intelligent and disciplined but rather conforming person.
The more family becomes the watchword for not just household but entire society the more something of the Asian social paradigm is brought into being. This naturally favors a disciplined, intelligent, not too aggressive, not too loud, busy, technocratically skilled person. We can try to speak of family as in including everyone, loving everyone, all we want, but the actuality is that Asian society historically and the projected future of human race means a rather obvious choice of type of person by which concept of family arises and develops in the first place.
To get a grasp of the increasing stress on education and discipline and advanced concept of family in the most advanced societies simply imagine the type of person probably chosen for a Mars space mission: An intelligent, quiet, disciplined rather attractive person--if not actually a woman.
Maybe it's "ands", not "or"?
Have a look at this bill, just passed in Ontario: http://www.ontla.on.ca/web/bills/bills_detail.do?locale=en&Intranet=...
We're well on the way to doing radical things to eliminate material poverty through government "interference".
And we need the sort of marvellous community David describes in this article.
And we need the personal: this is the first article I can remember in which David is describing his own experience - thank you.
Have a look at this bill, just passed in Ontario: http://www.ontla.on.ca/web/bills/bills_detail.do?locale=en&Intranet=...
We're well on the way to doing radical things to eliminate material poverty through government "interference".
And we need the sort of marvellous community David describes in this article.
And we need the personal: this is the first article I can remember in which David is describing his own experience - thank you.
My husband and I just hosted a dinner at our home in Amsterdam by posting an invitation on a FB site for refugees. 25 Syrians came together for a a sit down dinner in our tiny garden. Some brought food, someone brought a drum, someone sang. By the end of the night my teenage daughters were getting an Arabic dancing lesson. There was so much love and warmth that night. It proved my maxim that food + strangers = friends.
4
Brooks is right that coming of age (like sickness and education) requires love and a gift of the soul. That is why privatization to corporations is such a disaster. The profit motive shouldn't trump love when it comes to nurturing care.
Ah, phooey!
Read too many comments and the glow of the article fades fast.
People on both side of the political spectrum: Get a grip! These dinners started by accident. Kathy and David didn't set out to save the world; their kid just invited a friend for dinner.
For once, take deep breaths and send a check to support a kid who could use a little of the kind of help many of our kids take for granted.
Read too many comments and the glow of the article fades fast.
People on both side of the political spectrum: Get a grip! These dinners started by accident. Kathy and David didn't set out to save the world; their kid just invited a friend for dinner.
For once, take deep breaths and send a check to support a kid who could use a little of the kind of help many of our kids take for granted.
Poverty is only up close, it cannot be felt from afar.
Did you bring up lie about how the Republican platform would bring them up out of this poverty? Tax cuts? Military spending? More cops? Less school choice?
I don't get how you can still be a Republican if you have a heart for the unfortunate? Are you that dense? Do you see something in the R platform that would be helpful to their plight?
Did you bring up lie about how the Republican platform would bring them up out of this poverty? Tax cuts? Military spending? More cops? Less school choice?
I don't get how you can still be a Republican if you have a heart for the unfortunate? Are you that dense? Do you see something in the R platform that would be helpful to their plight?
4
In case you did not notice...the President for the last 8 years has been a DEMOCRAT. He's pretty swift on the "executive orders" since he believes that "elections have consequences".
How much did he change this paradigm in 8 years? How much are the lives of poor children better?
Has ANYTHING changed?
Professor Krugman says everything is fine -- lots of jobs, no unemployment -- booming stock market -- rising housing market -- everyone is happy and feels their lives are better off! He says things have NEVER BEEN BETTER, literally.
I'm missing this, because I am not rich and don't live in some uber-rich enclave. But Professor Krugman has a Nobel prize, so he must be correct.
How much did he change this paradigm in 8 years? How much are the lives of poor children better?
Has ANYTHING changed?
Professor Krugman says everything is fine -- lots of jobs, no unemployment -- booming stock market -- rising housing market -- everyone is happy and feels their lives are better off! He says things have NEVER BEEN BETTER, literally.
I'm missing this, because I am not rich and don't live in some uber-rich enclave. But Professor Krugman has a Nobel prize, so he must be correct.
This is a wonderful story, that brought tears to my eyes. I am just not understanding the relevance. Kathy and David are remarkable human beings. But they are able to help with a small % of the problems that are out there. And it is not only the very poor who come from dysfunctional families who are in need of this kind of community. Lower middle class families where parents might be working more than one job to make ends meet hardly have time for these great gatherings. They are too involved with just trying to earn enough for food and shelter.
Americans have often had disconnects in their charity. The same family who will go out of their way to help the poor widow down the block can be flaming racists. The fervent church goers who "love" God may still harbor much hatred in their heart toward much of their fellow man, while being charitable to their parishioners.
David cannot make himself feel good by attending these dinners, and I am sure making donations for these kids. Great, but...not when he supports the political philosophy he does, which does the overall harm it does to these very people.
Americans have often had disconnects in their charity. The same family who will go out of their way to help the poor widow down the block can be flaming racists. The fervent church goers who "love" God may still harbor much hatred in their heart toward much of their fellow man, while being charitable to their parishioners.
David cannot make himself feel good by attending these dinners, and I am sure making donations for these kids. Great, but...not when he supports the political philosophy he does, which does the overall harm it does to these very people.
1
I'd like to HOPE David is at least pitching in towards the cost of food! Let's not forget he is a card-carrying 1%-er. I wonder if he's donated anything like scholarship money. He doesn't hint at it here.
I have some wealthy friends. Some with inherited wealth, some with high income jobs and some with BOTH. They all work very long hours, and take lots of fancy vacations. They have household help, even nannies, for their kids. They work until 10 or 11PM, and the nanny feeds the kids, and puts them to bed.
You don't have to be poor to ignore your children, and you don't have to be affluent or even middle class to have a warm, welcoming family life.
I have some wealthy friends. Some with inherited wealth, some with high income jobs and some with BOTH. They all work very long hours, and take lots of fancy vacations. They have household help, even nannies, for their kids. They work until 10 or 11PM, and the nanny feeds the kids, and puts them to bed.
You don't have to be poor to ignore your children, and you don't have to be affluent or even middle class to have a warm, welcoming family life.
1
My 4 teens jokingly called our end-of-work-week suppers "Friday night at the fights," and their friends knew they were welcome at our table, where we would share whatever came out of my large cookpot and also air opinions about anything and everything. The price of the free meal was cleaning up afterwards. Now themselves parents of teens, they carry on this tradition. P.S. No soft drinks and junk food at our table, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no pot. Just good healthy meals and a sense of community.
Hope springs from Love. Action springs from Hope. Action seeks Solutions. Solutions require Cooperation. Cooperation requires Hope. Hope requires Love.
And around it goes.
And around it goes.
1
The new film of Katherine Paterson's The Great Gilly Hopkins, though fictional, movingly illustrates these same critical human values, values that are as delicate as they are necessary.
1
A child whose father is dead and mother is a drug addict needs serious help. Does the GOP have a solution? How many of those pro-lifers have opened their homes to foster children? There are 10,000 foster children in Illinois alone. I would be more interested in hearing about the GOP solutions to the problems -- unless David Brooks is no longer a Republican.
5
Michele Bachmann had taken in 32 foster kids (over a decade), yet the left-wingers ridiculed her for this.
There is NOTHING that would make lefty liberals tolerant of diverse opinions or their conservative fellow Americans. Anything we do is evil, awful, racist, bigoted, xenophobic, etc. etc.
BTW: all 10,000 foster kids are, by definition, in foster homes. Meaning with foster parents. In the US, we no longer have orphanages for such children. This article makes a very good argument for bringing orphanages back.
And no, David Brooks is not now, nor was he ever a Republican. He's a RINO who is voting for Hillary.
There is NOTHING that would make lefty liberals tolerant of diverse opinions or their conservative fellow Americans. Anything we do is evil, awful, racist, bigoted, xenophobic, etc. etc.
BTW: all 10,000 foster kids are, by definition, in foster homes. Meaning with foster parents. In the US, we no longer have orphanages for such children. This article makes a very good argument for bringing orphanages back.
And no, David Brooks is not now, nor was he ever a Republican. He's a RINO who is voting for Hillary.
1
Somehow there is a belief that conservatives never foster children. That is false. And there is no political litmus test to join a foster parent program.
It's not just among adolescents that dinner parties build relationships. Dinner parties used to be more common in Washington DC as a way of getting Democrats and Republicans together in a purely social environment. But no longer. A dinner party is not a revolution.
;...we demonstrate our commitment to care for one another....'. There's the answer to all our ills. David Brooks is one of my all-time favorite Republicans. The hosts to these events need to speak right before the last Presidential debate: put things, not in perspective, but in holiness.
The preacher in the Grapes of Wrath says 'All things are holy'. We must move towards that and away from wealth concentration and poverty escalation. When someone says, 'It's the economy', what they mean is people respond to their circumstances (are they getting better or worse, are they satisfied or struggling).
Real-world commitment means economics, housing, education, transit, medical care, jobs, etc. A monumental task. But, one we can handle,whenever we're ready. We've been absentee parents to our children, OUR children, which includes those of all ages. I believe humanity is good and caring and full of beauty. It is past time we create communities, structures and policies that are just as f.ull of wonder and love and humanity
Thank you Brooks for sending us something that feels real and good in such a mean-spirited time.
The preacher in the Grapes of Wrath says 'All things are holy'. We must move towards that and away from wealth concentration and poverty escalation. When someone says, 'It's the economy', what they mean is people respond to their circumstances (are they getting better or worse, are they satisfied or struggling).
Real-world commitment means economics, housing, education, transit, medical care, jobs, etc. A monumental task. But, one we can handle,whenever we're ready. We've been absentee parents to our children, OUR children, which includes those of all ages. I believe humanity is good and caring and full of beauty. It is past time we create communities, structures and policies that are just as f.ull of wonder and love and humanity
Thank you Brooks for sending us something that feels real and good in such a mean-spirited time.
I am currently watching the toxic morning news. Thanks for giving light to my morning. I'll take good news where ever I find it. This story is good news
No David, it isn't programs that help people, it is people. We agree.
But usually it is people in programs. Teachers, in every community across the country. Social workers, like the one who helped my dad in the ravages of dementia. Coaches, when a school district has money for them. And drama and art teachers too.
Even Sunday school teachers and scout leaders -- whose workplaces afford them enough free time, and little stress so they can dedicate time and energy to other pursuits, and offer enough security that a worker can put down roots somewhere, and plan to stay.
Nobody lives or practices charity in a vacuum. A whole society needs to be in on it. And that's something Republicans don't seem to understand.
But usually it is people in programs. Teachers, in every community across the country. Social workers, like the one who helped my dad in the ravages of dementia. Coaches, when a school district has money for them. And drama and art teachers too.
Even Sunday school teachers and scout leaders -- whose workplaces afford them enough free time, and little stress so they can dedicate time and energy to other pursuits, and offer enough security that a worker can put down roots somewhere, and plan to stay.
Nobody lives or practices charity in a vacuum. A whole society needs to be in on it. And that's something Republicans don't seem to understand.
14
Wow. Turning this into a partisan issue didn't take long. Sigh.
Republicans as a group give more to charity than liberal Democrats. This has been long observed. The reason is that liberal Democrats believe it is GOVERNMENT who should provide charity -- conservatives believe it should come from donations or churches.
Also: in countless columns, articles and forums here...we are told that American workers are stupid and lazy, because they REFUSE to pack up and travel the country like gypsies, from job to job. They stay in their own stupid lower class little towns and villages! They are told they are "wrong" to do this.
Where do you expect to get the Sunday school teachers, and scout leaders and volunteers of TOMORROW....if half the nation are gypsy workers, who move every year to follow "jobs"?
We've been told pretty firmly that "putting down roots" is stupid and leads to poverty.
Also: in countless columns, articles and forums here...we are told that American workers are stupid and lazy, because they REFUSE to pack up and travel the country like gypsies, from job to job. They stay in their own stupid lower class little towns and villages! They are told they are "wrong" to do this.
Where do you expect to get the Sunday school teachers, and scout leaders and volunteers of TOMORROW....if half the nation are gypsy workers, who move every year to follow "jobs"?
We've been told pretty firmly that "putting down roots" is stupid and leads to poverty.
CC--dunno if you've noticed, but it's the right-wing corporate 1% types and their media shills who've been blaming American workers for being lazy and not wanting to be vagabond workers.
2
This was inspiring; those are wonderful people, who have created a special community.
But we need to remember that there are - unfortunately - other children out there who deserve help, whose families deserve help, even if we value only the children ( that's what it comes down to at times). government has a role in seeing to it - as far as possible - that happening upon a good meal - or clothing or housing - and a caring person is not left to chance. The number of children in severe poverty in this country which boasts of its wealth challenges any notions of generosity that seemed to reflect the US in past generations.
But yes, these people are models of personal engagement and generosity with the young people who live right next to them. we could all probably do more at home.
But we need to remember that there are - unfortunately - other children out there who deserve help, whose families deserve help, even if we value only the children ( that's what it comes down to at times). government has a role in seeing to it - as far as possible - that happening upon a good meal - or clothing or housing - and a caring person is not left to chance. The number of children in severe poverty in this country which boasts of its wealth challenges any notions of generosity that seemed to reflect the US in past generations.
But yes, these people are models of personal engagement and generosity with the young people who live right next to them. we could all probably do more at home.
9
My mom used to have a pile of students from her junior high English classes over to our house for Sunday dinner every week for years in the late 60s and early 70s. They came from the same kind of background as the kids in this piece. We were white, living in an all white suburb. They truly were “visits to a better future” and we reveled in it, which was good because in the bitter present, she was fired because of it (“fraternization”) and I got the nickname “nigger lover” and physical and mental abuse at my own junior high.
I stayed in touch with some of her students over the decades. Through the wonder of Facebook, I can also eavesdrop on my junior high tormentors. I saw some go to jail, some meet violent deaths, some fall into lives of bitterness, loneliness and despair, and some settle down to good jobs and happy families of their own. I still long for the sense of warmth and belonging that filled our house on those Sundays. How terribly sad I am that that “better future” seems just as far out of reach today as it did then.
I stayed in touch with some of her students over the decades. Through the wonder of Facebook, I can also eavesdrop on my junior high tormentors. I saw some go to jail, some meet violent deaths, some fall into lives of bitterness, loneliness and despair, and some settle down to good jobs and happy families of their own. I still long for the sense of warmth and belonging that filled our house on those Sundays. How terribly sad I am that that “better future” seems just as far out of reach today as it did then.
15
Years ago while reading one of your columns, I began to like you and I realized it was the subject matter that caused the shift. That column, I well remember, was about your own children. You became human, vulnerable, thoughtful through the mention of Fatherhood. I suspect that is still at play at dinner on Thursdays and find it remarkable to hear of AOK after two years. Impressed, warmed, and grateful to know of this tradition. Two good hearts changing lives at the dinner table. Incentive now to do the same!
3
Thank you for writing such a beautiful story in this season of dark discourse. Indeed we are bereft of solidarity. Then Senator Obama spoke of this most eloquently in his speech about the "United" States of America at the 2004 DNC convention but was hampered in implementing such a vision as President because it was not shared by many in Congress. Hopefully we can move beyond the "I got mine" political generation but some thoughtful essays on such a pathway might spur some table conversation.
6
He was "hampered" by the fact that although he is a very good public speaker, he is also an accomplished liar. Nothing he said in 2004 was the truth. He wouldn't know the truth if he tripped over it.
Blaming Congress? Sorry, charlie. Truman said it best: THE BUCK STOPS HERE.
Blaming Congress? Sorry, charlie. Truman said it best: THE BUCK STOPS HERE.
1
Thank you David, great column
1
A simple, heartfelt op-ed piece, and maybe that's why it resonates.
1
Here's an idea, Brooks. How about placing a college scholarship in one of your popcorn balls this Halloween? The word would get around & soon people would be saying, "Who needs affordable land grant colleges, when we've got David Brooks."
5
This is what every community needs, and there are indeed many millions of homes like this out there in all the major cities and towns across our countries.
Even though I didn't need it (or perhaps I did and just didn't know it?), I had several homes like this when I was growing up. It was normal for us to be welcomed at the dinner table of any friend, or a neighbour. I'm actually surprised that this is considered something so unusual.
Is this is another difference between the UK and US? I just assumed kids in the US grew up with these relationships and the adults to guide them but perhaps I was wrong?
It's true that the scale of what this couple is doing is greater than I ever experienced, but the notion that adults would welcome any young people into their homes, feed them, give them a bed and support their aspirations and ambitions is not surprising to me - this should be the experience of all young people, you should be asking why this ISN'T considered normal if this is so surprising.
And I echo what someone else has said; organizations, administrations, religious cults and so on should not have a place in such an organic atmosphere of nurturing and support. This is why so many "bodies" and "organizations" fail, they're not individual, they're not real, they treat those they serve as numbers to prove their own worth.
Shut down the organizations providing failed services and give that funding to REAL people who do this for the right reasons.
Even though I didn't need it (or perhaps I did and just didn't know it?), I had several homes like this when I was growing up. It was normal for us to be welcomed at the dinner table of any friend, or a neighbour. I'm actually surprised that this is considered something so unusual.
Is this is another difference between the UK and US? I just assumed kids in the US grew up with these relationships and the adults to guide them but perhaps I was wrong?
It's true that the scale of what this couple is doing is greater than I ever experienced, but the notion that adults would welcome any young people into their homes, feed them, give them a bed and support their aspirations and ambitions is not surprising to me - this should be the experience of all young people, you should be asking why this ISN'T considered normal if this is so surprising.
And I echo what someone else has said; organizations, administrations, religious cults and so on should not have a place in such an organic atmosphere of nurturing and support. This is why so many "bodies" and "organizations" fail, they're not individual, they're not real, they treat those they serve as numbers to prove their own worth.
Shut down the organizations providing failed services and give that funding to REAL people who do this for the right reasons.
1
Once again Mr. Brooks I suggest you join the Sociology department at the University of Chicago. You micro-scale family dinners are uplifting but ultimately are examples of too little too late. America uplifting needs institutional solutions of great public schools with dynamic outreach to families. Public SCHOOLS are being killed by the GOP and what we really need is to Federalize education instead of leaving States the power to discriminate from school to school.
9
Wonderful. Thank you, David. I needed to hear about this. Probably we all do.
1
Review of the comments showed it took only 6 before the first political reference. Ink Blot Test people. An article about compassion and kids at risk or worse, a human response, and a non -partisan embrace of nice. Yes, I know nominally a 'political' opinion writer Mr Brooks does drift into the human dilemma at times. When roughly 40% of the population has no idea how the other 40% can hold their political beliefs, affirmation of the species is a good thing
To be fair, the reaction is most likely rooted in Brooks' implied contention (based on a quote from one youth activist) that programs make no difference. He can't help himself.
3
Conservatives and liberals/progressives of good intentions (not all are, on either side, but some are, on both sides) have the same goal, but different routes. Conservatives, as here, stress the power of the individual to create community; as Margaret Thatcher put it, no such thing as society, only individuals. Liberals stress the power of the organized group, usually the government, to create community: 'we the people'.
They're both wrong, and both right. It's not just forest or trees. It's forest AND trees. Micro AND macro. The dinners are a great idea, but the flaws in our safety net and support system that not only fail to remedy poverty and social dysfunction but in some ways actually perpetuate and encourage it. and our economic policies that create a sink-or-swim, every-man-for-himself, divisive and divided culture - are why these kids need the table in the first place. And their problems are far larger than a generous neighbour's weekly bowl of beans and rice and a hug can solve.
The column comes perilously close to the poisonous theodicy that the purpose of evil is to give us the opportunity to be good, i.e,, 'the poor are with us always; if there were no need for soup kitchens, how would we polish our halos by ladling out stew at them once a month?' (That's not solely a conservative philosophy, either ....)
I would need to write a longer essay to respond more coherently and in full.
They're both wrong, and both right. It's not just forest or trees. It's forest AND trees. Micro AND macro. The dinners are a great idea, but the flaws in our safety net and support system that not only fail to remedy poverty and social dysfunction but in some ways actually perpetuate and encourage it. and our economic policies that create a sink-or-swim, every-man-for-himself, divisive and divided culture - are why these kids need the table in the first place. And their problems are far larger than a generous neighbour's weekly bowl of beans and rice and a hug can solve.
The column comes perilously close to the poisonous theodicy that the purpose of evil is to give us the opportunity to be good, i.e,, 'the poor are with us always; if there were no need for soup kitchens, how would we polish our halos by ladling out stew at them once a month?' (That's not solely a conservative philosophy, either ....)
I would need to write a longer essay to respond more coherently and in full.
8
Fiddling while Rome burns.....?
1
This hits home. I often feel I should be doing something grand in order to give back. And here a meal is offered. These great people are making a huge difference. They offer a place to go where someone cares enough to cook a meal. I'm inspired to do that. Thank you.
106
The soft side of Republican propaganda. "I've never seen a program help anybody" Give me a break!. Obamacare got additional 20 million healthcare-- oops! a program that helped.
Brooks supports ALL republican pipe dreams, even when there is ample evidence that programs do work.
Sure hope we don't make too many new programs. Brooks is a propagandist.
Brooks supports ALL republican pipe dreams, even when there is ample evidence that programs do work.
Sure hope we don't make too many new programs. Brooks is a propagandist.
7
These people are awesome.
Volunteerism is great, but it's not easy to fix society's problems under the present charitable structure in our country. Churches are assumed to be a place for volunteerism to flourish. But they are not effective at solving society's problems because of lack of certified, skilled volunteers that are trained to deal with poverty, drug abuse, mentally ill, and domestic violence. They have no accountability for spending tax-free revenue (a 990s should be required for ALL 501c3s, churches are presently excluded from filing this, why?) and because often their help is exclusively offered to members.
I eked out my own volunteerism path as a local school district PTA officer and member. I volunteer tutoring math twice a week to students who are low income, in an unstable environment, and/or have learning challenges.
Volunteerism is great, but it's not easy to fix society's problems under the present charitable structure in our country. Churches are assumed to be a place for volunteerism to flourish. But they are not effective at solving society's problems because of lack of certified, skilled volunteers that are trained to deal with poverty, drug abuse, mentally ill, and domestic violence. They have no accountability for spending tax-free revenue (a 990s should be required for ALL 501c3s, churches are presently excluded from filing this, why?) and because often their help is exclusively offered to members.
I eked out my own volunteerism path as a local school district PTA officer and member. I volunteer tutoring math twice a week to students who are low income, in an unstable environment, and/or have learning challenges.
6
Thanks, David for sharing this inspiration. It gives each of us an example of what we can do in our lives every day to make a difference. Over the last decade youth "programs" have been my passion and focus. And nothing is more true than what Bill Milliken shared. The great programs are the ones that are built on relationships.
1
People of every political alliance and persuasion, of every faith and philosophy clam to value and cherish children. Why then are so many is such dire straits and why is it tolerated?
7
Wow! Think of the synergies this produces, both within the group, and beyond the group. Relationships Reign.
1
Great column.
I would add that for every young person needing such help, there are ten adults huddling under bridges and living in vans, totally without direction or a sense that the community really does care.
I lived for years in a Christian rescue Mission here in Eugene Oregon, and want to take this opportunity to thank those who, unable to reach out personally, financially supported that effort. I saw hundreds of men who pretty much had no one and nothing of value but a pack, and would never have a sense of community until they died. But at that Mission they got a hot meal, a warm bed, and at least a chance to feel safe for the night.
Lots can be done with an open heart and a checkbook.
Hugh Massengill, Eugene Oregon
I would add that for every young person needing such help, there are ten adults huddling under bridges and living in vans, totally without direction or a sense that the community really does care.
I lived for years in a Christian rescue Mission here in Eugene Oregon, and want to take this opportunity to thank those who, unable to reach out personally, financially supported that effort. I saw hundreds of men who pretty much had no one and nothing of value but a pack, and would never have a sense of community until they died. But at that Mission they got a hot meal, a warm bed, and at least a chance to feel safe for the night.
Lots can be done with an open heart and a checkbook.
Hugh Massengill, Eugene Oregon
176
I'm pleased to see this moment of warmth and deeper understanding of poverty in David's life. But ever so slightly he added the quote about programs never changing someones life, noting that only love can do that.
But this isn't an either or proposition. Our public expression of love isn't always overwhelmed by mindless bureaucracies. Dr. King built a social movement on love. Doctors Without Boarders tend the sick and wounded in all nations because they embrace the love that is part of healing. There are hundreds of homes and people like Kathy and David all over the country and we certainly need more.
But we also need more food where home resources run out. We need more beds when developers only see profits and there's none in serving the poor. We need more facilities so that Jamel can transform his passion for engines into a skill.
In short, there is no contradiction between the compassion and love expressed by two remarkable individuals and our ability to multiply that love through our institutions. Today 18% of our children, nearly 20 million live in poverty. Millions more are close to that line. It would be great to multiply Kathy and David a million times, but it's more realistic to take their experience as a guide to our public policy.
But throughout this election season, not a single debate question was posed about poverty as a national issue. These kids are our national treasure, but our politicians at all levels have become our national shame.
But this isn't an either or proposition. Our public expression of love isn't always overwhelmed by mindless bureaucracies. Dr. King built a social movement on love. Doctors Without Boarders tend the sick and wounded in all nations because they embrace the love that is part of healing. There are hundreds of homes and people like Kathy and David all over the country and we certainly need more.
But we also need more food where home resources run out. We need more beds when developers only see profits and there's none in serving the poor. We need more facilities so that Jamel can transform his passion for engines into a skill.
In short, there is no contradiction between the compassion and love expressed by two remarkable individuals and our ability to multiply that love through our institutions. Today 18% of our children, nearly 20 million live in poverty. Millions more are close to that line. It would be great to multiply Kathy and David a million times, but it's more realistic to take their experience as a guide to our public policy.
But throughout this election season, not a single debate question was posed about poverty as a national issue. These kids are our national treasure, but our politicians at all levels have become our national shame.
420
Can individual and personal care of this kind be translated into institutions?
I think we should always try to install real care into our institutions. But the methods and impacts do not seem to translate one for one.
And we should also always allow opportunities of this kind to flourish. The hyper-'consumerization' of our society seems to reduce these opportunities by causing more homes to splinter on economic matters.
One does not need to have much of anything to have a warm, welcoming table to share with others.
I think we should always try to install real care into our institutions. But the methods and impacts do not seem to translate one for one.
And we should also always allow opportunities of this kind to flourish. The hyper-'consumerization' of our society seems to reduce these opportunities by causing more homes to splinter on economic matters.
One does not need to have much of anything to have a warm, welcoming table to share with others.
Thank you for sharing this story.
In this sordid election season where every deed is scrutinized through red or blue filters, it is heartwarming to be reminded that there still are people out there who are exemplar of the common humanity in us all. It is so easy to blame the government or capitalists or opposing political groups for all of societal woes, but in the end, if we could all remember our shared humanity and step up as able, we would make the world a better place for all of us.
Good luck, Kathy and David. And thank you for insipiring us.
In this sordid election season where every deed is scrutinized through red or blue filters, it is heartwarming to be reminded that there still are people out there who are exemplar of the common humanity in us all. It is so easy to blame the government or capitalists or opposing political groups for all of societal woes, but in the end, if we could all remember our shared humanity and step up as able, we would make the world a better place for all of us.
Good luck, Kathy and David. And thank you for insipiring us.
2
Yes, kids are vulnerable and need love and relationship, no question about it. First however, they need food, clothing, shelter, medical care that can be taken for granted. They need stability and predictability. Yes, people can be kind and giving but sometimes they are not. If you are poor or hungry you don't want to depend on people's whims for your basic needs, especially in this, the richest country in history. Providing for the most vulnerable should not be dependent on anybody's personal decision--this is one of the reasons we have government. We all belong to this group, this nation, this community. It's not the Democrats that have divided us into the "makers" and "takers," "winners" and "losers," not the Democrats who won campaigns by driving the wedge issues to divide and conquer, exploited racial prejudice, suppressed votes. It's not the Democrats who declared that our government is the problem because each of us has gotten to where we happen to be in life all by ourselves so whatever happens to us is what we deserve. Look no further than the current GOP candidate for the presidency to see what the Republican "values" lead to in the long run. Gauzy columns can't conceal that.
364
Very true Lisa. And Brooks has done his part by, at the very least, tacitly supporting the right wing's accelerating erosion of our common sense of purpose.
6
I agree 100% with your comments about the critical need for government and about the Republican Party's role in destroying the essential fabric of our society; nevertheless, I found this to be an inspiring column about beautiful people. Government must provide the resources, but people must do the work. We need people like Kathy and David, and, yes, like David Brooks.
1
Only one of the 'deplorables' could turn this into a political issue. The whole point of the article is that we are all in this together, that help must come for the 'haves' to the 'have nots' regardless of political affiliation. We are all humans. (I think.)
1
Touches me deeply. Thank you.
1
The circumstances of the young people described in this moving story remind me of an issue that arises whenever people in my community debate the wisdom of "choice" models for public services, such as schools. The neediest students lack reliable adult advocates and thus can rarely take advantage of market mechanisms that attempt to attract clients to high-performing public institutions, such as charter schools. This needs to be acknowledged by policy makers, and accounted for. There is wisdom in ensuring a baseline level of public services to every community member, particularly for children. When we rely on market mechanisms to determine which public institutions will thrive, we abnegate our collective responsibility to citizens like these kids. This simple wisdom has been lost in many places, overshadowed by the allure of applying business models in the public sector. Where I live, children such as the guests at these dinners generally lose out--remaining in schools that have been effectively abandoned to the whims of an impersonal market.
4
Love Is Not Enough was his best. So, it was missing most of the time. Self understanding was sought and intolerance was expressed.
The School that saved many also trashed many. Bruno Bettelheim should've sat for dinner with David Brooks at the house of love brought to sunshine here. Abnormal psychology can be good stuff, but it's a weapons system in the wrong hands.
What are the significant differences among people was the seminal essay assigned by Eunice Helmkamp Maguire. She now has an award in her name. For that essay took me seven weeks. And taught me.
David Brooks, meet Nadia Murad. She taught me, too.
Her hug, her initial reluctance, her pain and her love need to shine in your column.
Your couple have an answer much needed.
Nadia can teach that lesson in a hour's monologue.
Oslo blew it. Rukmini knows this.
David, meet Rukmini Callimachi. You two and Nadia can make a difference.
Thank you.
The School that saved many also trashed many. Bruno Bettelheim should've sat for dinner with David Brooks at the house of love brought to sunshine here. Abnormal psychology can be good stuff, but it's a weapons system in the wrong hands.
What are the significant differences among people was the seminal essay assigned by Eunice Helmkamp Maguire. She now has an award in her name. For that essay took me seven weeks. And taught me.
David Brooks, meet Nadia Murad. She taught me, too.
Her hug, her initial reluctance, her pain and her love need to shine in your column.
Your couple have an answer much needed.
Nadia can teach that lesson in a hour's monologue.
Oslo blew it. Rukmini knows this.
David, meet Rukmini Callimachi. You two and Nadia can make a difference.
Thank you.
1
@ Richard Luettgen
Attacking the causes is fine, it is the right thing to do. We need government to do that. But to imply, or even outright state, that government cannot address the symptoms of children suffering from everything that poverty encompasses is just hopelessly pessimistic and defeatist. I recall the scene towards the end of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", where McMurphy says to the other patients that he is going to bust out of the hospital and leave. When asked how he will accomplish this, he points to a large sink in the ward and says he is going to pick it up, smash the window with it, and leave. He proceeds to grab the sink, attempts to lift it, and fails. He tries again, and again he fails. Finally he gives up. As he dejectedly walks away, he looks disdainfully at the others and says, "But at least I tried." I, for one, want a government that at least tries, regardless of whether or not it succeeds or fails. Children deserve that much.
Attacking the causes is fine, it is the right thing to do. We need government to do that. But to imply, or even outright state, that government cannot address the symptoms of children suffering from everything that poverty encompasses is just hopelessly pessimistic and defeatist. I recall the scene towards the end of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", where McMurphy says to the other patients that he is going to bust out of the hospital and leave. When asked how he will accomplish this, he points to a large sink in the ward and says he is going to pick it up, smash the window with it, and leave. He proceeds to grab the sink, attempts to lift it, and fails. He tries again, and again he fails. Finally he gives up. As he dejectedly walks away, he looks disdainfully at the others and says, "But at least I tried." I, for one, want a government that at least tries, regardless of whether or not it succeeds or fails. Children deserve that much.
9
So David, how does this action of compassion and charity square with the GOP party line you espouse? I admire you personally for your intellect and writing skills, but cannot you see the dissonance between the Ryan - McConnle world view with the results of 30-years of GOP-led social austerity measures and these types of results wherein millions of Americans go hungry and/or homeless??
8
@GTM Austin,
I agree with your question to David. My guess is that he has recognized what the GOP has become over the years and even that he helped this to happen.
But he has to make living still, so he pretty much stopped writing columns about conservative principles and gives us these feel good columns without giving credit to liberal ideas or criticizing the conservative ideas of selfishness and tax cuts for the job creators.
I agree with your question to David. My guess is that he has recognized what the GOP has become over the years and even that he helped this to happen.
But he has to make living still, so he pretty much stopped writing columns about conservative principles and gives us these feel good columns without giving credit to liberal ideas or criticizing the conservative ideas of selfishness and tax cuts for the job creators.
Damn, David. You just lightened my wallet by a hundred bucks. Thank you for this morning's piece.
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you David, and thank you Kathy & David for demonstrating such beauty.
This is indeed an idyllic situation and deserves much praise. It should be duplicated wherever and whenever it can.
Where are the parents???
We see that a little attention and direction goes a long way. However, as long as children are being born to teenagers who themselves have little direction; to single parent families; to parents whose only interest is in increasing their share of the entitlement pie, these children and their future are doomed.
Where are the parents???
We see that a little attention and direction goes a long way. However, as long as children are being born to teenagers who themselves have little direction; to single parent families; to parents whose only interest is in increasing their share of the entitlement pie, these children and their future are doomed.
1
What is your plan to fix the problem?
I'll vote for anyone, regardless of party, who really fixes poverty and gets people working and paying taxes.
On the other hand, some in this country would rather pay for prison than pre-school.
One thing that would help would be to teach birth control and give contraception in those neighborhoods. Kind of sounds like Planned Parenthood?
I'll vote for anyone, regardless of party, who really fixes poverty and gets people working and paying taxes.
On the other hand, some in this country would rather pay for prison than pre-school.
One thing that would help would be to teach birth control and give contraception in those neighborhoods. Kind of sounds like Planned Parenthood?
1
David - thank you for sharing.
Right now in NYC there are more kids in homeless shelters then would fit in Madison Square Garden - almost 24,000. And this doesn't count the estimate 50,000 more who couch surf.
And there are more total people in the shelters then would fit in Yankee Stadium - almost 60,000
These numbers exploded over the last decade and keep getting worse
And that's just the tip of the iceberg as there are about 1.2 million New Yorkers with food instability, meaning at some point in the year relying on free food
There are many many food services across NYC to provide food and all rely on volunteers as they spend all their money on food and fund raising to buy food.
Organizations like New York Cares help volunteers find opportunities to help - at meal services, homeless shelters with homeless kids, education projects to help the more than 30% of kids who don't graduate high school on time, and so much more
There are stories all around us, and everyone can make a difference just by volunteering a little time during the year.
Right now in NYC there are more kids in homeless shelters then would fit in Madison Square Garden - almost 24,000. And this doesn't count the estimate 50,000 more who couch surf.
And there are more total people in the shelters then would fit in Yankee Stadium - almost 60,000
These numbers exploded over the last decade and keep getting worse
And that's just the tip of the iceberg as there are about 1.2 million New Yorkers with food instability, meaning at some point in the year relying on free food
There are many many food services across NYC to provide food and all rely on volunteers as they spend all their money on food and fund raising to buy food.
Organizations like New York Cares help volunteers find opportunities to help - at meal services, homeless shelters with homeless kids, education projects to help the more than 30% of kids who don't graduate high school on time, and so much more
There are stories all around us, and everyone can make a difference just by volunteering a little time during the year.
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Common Donald Trump, champion these children!!!!
But it's your conservative politics and racism that have done so much to produce the poverty you now talk about. Repentance for that sin require more than you ever acknowledge. Offering an occasional free meal is merely a gesture
7
Good God, if there was ever an article that demanded a respite from the progressive scolds, this was it.
5
I'll stop scolding when the racism stops. Not one second before.
5
I need David Brooks to renounce and abandon the Republican party before I can take anything he writes seriously.
7
It's the power of love, share food, unconditional acceptance and deep understanding, hugs that mean nothing more and an open door to express it all.
David Brooks has written his best.
David Brooks has written his best.
1
David Brooks, you are the hypocrite's hypocrite.
1
I am an FDR Democrat (put people to work rebuilding our country, not on the dole, and the money will trickle out--we know it doesn't trickle down); David Brooks is an Eisenhower Republican. He has spoken out fairly consistently against Mr. Trump and all he represents. Could we cut him some slack, please, and stop being the liberals my conservative friends think we all are--just as hateful and unwilling to listen as any ultra-conservative?
2
Sounds like Mr Brooks is on his way to becoming a Democrat.
5
My memories of East 17th Street in Long Beach, California have grown more poignant over the years. I am now 68 years old. My father worked in Todd Shipyard and my mother at Goodwill Industries as a rehabilitation director (she had serious health issues).
I remember the family meals, the closeness, my friends in the neighborhood, Poly High School, my lofty dreams that I retreated to. Listening to Van Morrison's "On Hyndford Street" sometimes brings tears.
And yet, and yet... What really helped me actually achieve what I was after? What helped us as a family?
1. My father's UNION job at the shipyard, complete with medical insurance for my mom. We're talking 1960's here....
2. The excellent public education in California
3. Flouridated water!
4. My enlisting for four years in the Air Force (which included Vietnam)
5. Going to the affordable University of California on the GI Bill
6. And many, many more vibrant social opportunities --- the YMCA, the Boy's Club, the Methodist Church and its MYF activities...
It's good to have dreams and to have a rich family background, but there HAS to be opportunity and something tangible.
I remember the family meals, the closeness, my friends in the neighborhood, Poly High School, my lofty dreams that I retreated to. Listening to Van Morrison's "On Hyndford Street" sometimes brings tears.
And yet, and yet... What really helped me actually achieve what I was after? What helped us as a family?
1. My father's UNION job at the shipyard, complete with medical insurance for my mom. We're talking 1960's here....
2. The excellent public education in California
3. Flouridated water!
4. My enlisting for four years in the Air Force (which included Vietnam)
5. Going to the affordable University of California on the GI Bill
6. And many, many more vibrant social opportunities --- the YMCA, the Boy's Club, the Methodist Church and its MYF activities...
It's good to have dreams and to have a rich family background, but there HAS to be opportunity and something tangible.
14
How many desperately needy kids are actually reached by charitable programs like this? 2%? 5%? Mr. Brooks' support of the party of ugliness more than outweighs any contribitution he makes to AOK.
3
This is a good column, and knowing about the Fletcher-Simpson household is very important. Like random acts of kindness, the willingness to offer a helping hand to kids who need so much helps the giver as much as the recipient.
We all need to remember that these adolescents find themselves in situations created by others – sometimes by family members who could not cope, sometimes by a dysfunctional society which could not care enough.
These youngsters are the collateral damage of our unmet best intentions and our realized worst prejudices.
We owe them.
We all need to remember that these adolescents find themselves in situations created by others – sometimes by family members who could not cope, sometimes by a dysfunctional society which could not care enough.
These youngsters are the collateral damage of our unmet best intentions and our realized worst prejudices.
We owe them.
Thank you Kathy and David for being beacons of light and for making your home a safe harbor in very stormy times.
1
Thanks. Reality can be hopeful too.
Our society needs both generous individuals and a generous government.
I applaud Kathy and David. While raising 4 children my house was always open to any of their friends for meals or companionship. Years ago an adult friend of my son, now living abroad, came to my house. He had called and asked if he could visit. Very simply, he told me that he endured his childhood because he knew he had a place to go where he was always welcomed. He didn't want to talk about the bad things....he told me his childhood mantra was "I can always go to Derek's house. They will be glad to see me."
My point is that we need both a GOVERNMENT THAT CARES FOR CHILDREN as well as individuals who make room in their hearts for the needs of others. I hope Mr. Brooks sees clearly the desperate need for government aid. Don't put all the responsibility for children all on the blessed Kathy and Davids of this world. There are literally millions of hungry, lonely children in this richest country on earth.
I applaud Kathy and David. While raising 4 children my house was always open to any of their friends for meals or companionship. Years ago an adult friend of my son, now living abroad, came to my house. He had called and asked if he could visit. Very simply, he told me that he endured his childhood because he knew he had a place to go where he was always welcomed. He didn't want to talk about the bad things....he told me his childhood mantra was "I can always go to Derek's house. They will be glad to see me."
My point is that we need both a GOVERNMENT THAT CARES FOR CHILDREN as well as individuals who make room in their hearts for the needs of others. I hope Mr. Brooks sees clearly the desperate need for government aid. Don't put all the responsibility for children all on the blessed Kathy and Davids of this world. There are literally millions of hungry, lonely children in this richest country on earth.
12
I came from a nice middle class family. However that hid any number of serious problems: abusive parents, feeing unloved and uncared for, knowing, because I was told, that I could be killed by them and no one would know, and other things that people thought didn't happen in nice middle class families. Part of the problem was that neither side of my family liked my parents. The other problem was that my brother was/is autistic. There was no end of blame for that and very little help. My parents felt constantly stressed since my brother was hyperactive, needed constant supervision, was not accepted in the community (imagine how it feels as a child or a parent to see others draw away from your handicapped relation because it might be catching), and there was no relief.
That doesn't mean that certain things wouldn't have happened anyway. My mother told me, when I was sixteen, that if it weren't for the abortion laws in the 50s, I wouldn't have been born. The power of our dinner table was to make me feel like I was an unlovable burden. I doubt that I was the only middle class child to feel that way. Yet because our society gives parents unlimited rights over their children, refuses to acknowledge the reality of raising children or not having family to help out, my family was anything but supportive, loving, or even nice. I went through my teens and twenties knowing that I was a failure. If I wasn't middle class but poor, the results would have been much worse.
That doesn't mean that certain things wouldn't have happened anyway. My mother told me, when I was sixteen, that if it weren't for the abortion laws in the 50s, I wouldn't have been born. The power of our dinner table was to make me feel like I was an unlovable burden. I doubt that I was the only middle class child to feel that way. Yet because our society gives parents unlimited rights over their children, refuses to acknowledge the reality of raising children or not having family to help out, my family was anything but supportive, loving, or even nice. I went through my teens and twenties knowing that I was a failure. If I wasn't middle class but poor, the results would have been much worse.
5
There are over 15,000,000 million children in the U.S. who are hungry everyday - organizations like this one are only the beginning . I appreciate the article - the media needs to make us aware of the problem. The government has abandoned the large inner cities - allowing infrastructure decay. Let's see if a new administration can 'make a difference'. Thanks again for noting this issue we face in a country with a surplus of food is much more important than ISIS ever will be.
104
"The government has abandoned the large inner cities - allowing infrastructure decay."
Mike Illitch ("Little Caesars's Pizza") is a very wealthy man. He (and others) are investing in the city of Detroit in a big way. The new hockey (and hopefully Piston basketball) arena he's building, for his Red Wings, is part of a larger commercial and residential plan for an area that is acting as a centerpiece for the rebirth of a long decaying city. Once given up for dead, there is now hope here. He's reaching out, and giving back to an area that has helped make him, and his family, very rich.
He is the epitome of the term "winner", and Kathy Fletcher and David Simpson are right there with him. All is NOT lost, even though some are arguing (vociferously) to the contrary.
Mike Illitch ("Little Caesars's Pizza") is a very wealthy man. He (and others) are investing in the city of Detroit in a big way. The new hockey (and hopefully Piston basketball) arena he's building, for his Red Wings, is part of a larger commercial and residential plan for an area that is acting as a centerpiece for the rebirth of a long decaying city. Once given up for dead, there is now hope here. He's reaching out, and giving back to an area that has helped make him, and his family, very rich.
He is the epitome of the term "winner", and Kathy Fletcher and David Simpson are right there with him. All is NOT lost, even though some are arguing (vociferously) to the contrary.
2
Objective Opinion - right on, but to correct one thing it's not the inner cities that government is failing for - it is the poor in general. The largest growth in food instability is in rural areas.
This is a national issue affecting so many that one has to live in a cave to not know or at least regularly see folks who are hurting.
This is a national issue affecting so many that one has to live in a cave to not know or at least regularly see folks who are hurting.
3
Please note that this article does NOT describe an organization, but a FAMILY that chose to include many others in their home. Mr. Brooks's point is that only in genuine communities, NOT organizations, can people find this sort of acceptance and grace. This is true, even though I am an FDR Dem and ardent union member.
Harriet
Harriet
1
This is heartwarming, but I cant help but think that Mr. Brooks, who cannot resist a backhand slap at "programs", makes the perfect the enemy of the good. Without programs to keep people afloat and to offer alternatives-- and to provide frameworks for individuals to find and "reach" one another-- the private compassion of Mr. Brooks and his worthy friends would amount to a candle in a hurricane.
5
And note, too, that while the lives of poor children don't result from "natural disasters," how quickly the residents of red states reach out to the government when there are natural disasters. No, "programs" won't work, but that doesn't mean that we can't create programs that do. We will never eradicate poverty, but the Depression made it abundantly clear (as do hurricanes and other disasters) that charities do great and fine work, we do need a safety net and we do need institutions to which we all contribute to "provide for the common welfare," a phrase in the Constitution that gets overlooked in our obsession with the second amendment.
3
Wonderful essay that inspires us to restore the community ethic that was once so strong in our nation. Whether in union halls, VFW lodges, or GLBT youth groups. Humans desire - nay, NEED - to feel worthy, authenticated. We could all benefit from less screen-time and more face-time, but especially our vulnerable youth. Thank you!
107
Perhaps......one might question.....Mr. Brooks....your observation of this
need for acceptance.....
However, Mr. Brooks...I actually would like to see YOU at this family table..
and
Then read about your experience....and I would like to think that you too...
as a Republican can actually be like Abraham Lincoln....and the real spirit
of such a republican ideology.
With grace for the deed; and courage for doing this good deed...I remain
an admirer of your thoughts...and hope for seeing you and others who
just think...as you do...at this dinner table.
[email protected]
need for acceptance.....
However, Mr. Brooks...I actually would like to see YOU at this family table..
and
Then read about your experience....and I would like to think that you too...
as a Republican can actually be like Abraham Lincoln....and the real spirit
of such a republican ideology.
With grace for the deed; and courage for doing this good deed...I remain
an admirer of your thoughts...and hope for seeing you and others who
just think...as you do...at this dinner table.
[email protected]
Nice column by Mr.Brooks. He has highlighted the "bread and butter" issues facing the middle class at a very human level. These issues are hardly mentioned in the ongoing ugly election campaign which is supposed to make a greater America, stronger together! The vitriolic campaign and the GOP leaderships lack of moral courage has struck a chord in Mr.Brook's thinking! That's great, I would not normally have associated a usually conservative columnist at NYT articulating thus! Thanks Mr. Brooks!!
Bruno Bettelheim and Emmy Sylvester called it milieu therapy, and there were 34 of us at 1365 east 60th on The Midway at The University of Chicago. The Orthogenic School took the most difficult.
We've tried in our house. Blending our six with too few others, we tried.
David's examples have created something.
We can all do more. We save ourselves when we save another.
Thank you, David Brooks. This may be your best.
We've tried in our house. Blending our six with too few others, we tried.
David's examples have created something.
We can all do more. We save ourselves when we save another.
Thank you, David Brooks. This may be your best.
Some of the comments here - cynical, condescending, negative - are as depressing as Brooks' message is uplifting.
"It’s a crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy".
Indeed, and the responses here sadly reflect that.
People, there is no conflict between individual social action - "micro-actions" if you like - and government action. YOU (WE) ARE "GOVERNMENT". We are "society". We all need to wake up and do our parts to deal with this crisis that Mr. Brooks correctly diagnoses. Don't jeer, cheer. You don't like some of Mr. Brooks' past politics? Fine. VOTE. Meanwhile, doing the right thing is not just about politics, it is about people and how they treat one another.
"It’s a crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy".
Indeed, and the responses here sadly reflect that.
People, there is no conflict between individual social action - "micro-actions" if you like - and government action. YOU (WE) ARE "GOVERNMENT". We are "society". We all need to wake up and do our parts to deal with this crisis that Mr. Brooks correctly diagnoses. Don't jeer, cheer. You don't like some of Mr. Brooks' past politics? Fine. VOTE. Meanwhile, doing the right thing is not just about politics, it is about people and how they treat one another.
3
In these tumultuous times as we approach the finale to one of the most divisive elections in history thank you for moving on and enlightening us with a wonderful story on the power of a dinner table. A refreshing respite to sure.
DD
Manhattan
DD
Manhattan
1
Thank-you for this column. Proof that we can 'do good' by doing good.
1
I didn't realize how much I needed to feel a renewed faith in humanity until I read this. It has been dispiriting to read the news every morning. Not today.
1
Thank God this family knows what the democratic form of government is about, sharing and caring. Anyone not about these essential elements are clueless as to democracy
1
Exactly. How is it possible you don't.
David Brooks just wrote his best. J. D. Vance, Hillbilly Elegy was step one. This OPED reaches for Love Is Not Enough, Bettelheim's best and most honest. Pity U of Chicago booted The Orthogenic School that saved the most troubled. It saved me from 778 Park Avenue where a hug was unknown and abuse came my way in every form and no one asked. We had servants. It was awful.
This house of love and understanding has saved more than one. This one is saving David Brooks. May it save many more. It will save the savers.
Nadia Murad shared with Bard College. Many wept. Hers is a message of love lost, brothers and her mom killed, yet in agony she shared and the tears came to many. She is incredible.
It's hard not to cry. I never cried as a young boy. That record is clearly there in the reports. It was not good to cry. I did not want to gratify them.
Today I cry. I cry for the children of David's house of love and hugs.
I cry for the Yazidi child in a Greek camp abused yet again.
I cry for our country.
How can America take Donald Trump seriously. We must open our doors. We are better than that.
Thank you, David. Thank you. A beautiful piece.
Your writing has never been better.
David Brooks just wrote his best. J. D. Vance, Hillbilly Elegy was step one. This OPED reaches for Love Is Not Enough, Bettelheim's best and most honest. Pity U of Chicago booted The Orthogenic School that saved the most troubled. It saved me from 778 Park Avenue where a hug was unknown and abuse came my way in every form and no one asked. We had servants. It was awful.
This house of love and understanding has saved more than one. This one is saving David Brooks. May it save many more. It will save the savers.
Nadia Murad shared with Bard College. Many wept. Hers is a message of love lost, brothers and her mom killed, yet in agony she shared and the tears came to many. She is incredible.
It's hard not to cry. I never cried as a young boy. That record is clearly there in the reports. It was not good to cry. I did not want to gratify them.
Today I cry. I cry for the children of David's house of love and hugs.
I cry for the Yazidi child in a Greek camp abused yet again.
I cry for our country.
How can America take Donald Trump seriously. We must open our doors. We are better than that.
Thank you, David. Thank you. A beautiful piece.
Your writing has never been better.
2
Nice article. Teaching kids how to love, hug and share are just as important as read, write and do math equations. Maybe more important.
150
Gee, I didn't think this is about the importance of teaching kids how to love, hug and share vs. academics. Rather, what I gathered, is that adults who provide a warm, safe environment for kids may find themselves realizing how a small effort can make a big difference, thus leaving many readers considering what they might be able to do themselves.
Who was it who wrote It Takes a Village?
Who was it who wrote It Takes a Village?
1
We will be opening our doors more fully here in Macon thanks to this challenging article that speaks to our issues locally.
1
Now that's philanthropy—loving what it is to be human, a private initiative for public good.
2
Nice words, but you **really** don't care about these kids.
You have two mutually exclusive alternatives:
1) support the politicians who will do the right thing
2) stop writing these pieces, spare me this feel-good nonsense
Since Reagan, wealth has flowed from the many at the bottom and middle to the few at the top. This trend needs to be reversed. Write about this need. Support people who will make this happen. Otherwise your words ring hollow.
You have two mutually exclusive alternatives:
1) support the politicians who will do the right thing
2) stop writing these pieces, spare me this feel-good nonsense
Since Reagan, wealth has flowed from the many at the bottom and middle to the few at the top. This trend needs to be reversed. Write about this need. Support people who will make this happen. Otherwise your words ring hollow.
8
This is a wonderful and uplifting story, and this time David Brooks draws precisely the right conclusion. It's all about relationships - caring relationships - the kind that draw us out of our narrow fears and tunnel vision into the broader world and make everyone's lives better, safer, and happier. This is true at every level of society, and at every level of discourse.
Most of the time I find what seems to me to be some sort of distorted if not false perspective in David's work, especially in his conclusions. This time, I can only offer my thanks. Bravo!
Most of the time I find what seems to me to be some sort of distorted if not false perspective in David's work, especially in his conclusions. This time, I can only offer my thanks. Bravo!
291
A moving account. And now, a simple question. Imagine Ms. Clinton and Mr. Trump participating at this home in such an evening; grasping its simple power. I can only picture one of the two doing so. It is not Mr. Trump.
3
This is incredibly inspirational and at the same time elicits so much personal guilt. Why am I not helping like this? I will be thinking about how I can.
1
America needs a sane conservative party, one which is rational and has a heart. If such a party existed, Brooks would be in it.
But the Republican party is not that party. A party which denies global warming and wants lower taxes on the rich cannot be a party with heart or sanity.
But the Democratic party which is fine with the killing of 58 million fetuses, and which looks away from repeated foreign adventures by the Obama administration - his murderous drones, the lynching of Qaddafi etc - cannot be that party either. Democrats are even afraid to say, "All lives matter!"
Perhaps a new party will rise after Trump finishes burning the current Republican party to the ground.
Meanwhile, suggestions by Democrats to David Brooks, "Why don't you join us?" fall on rocky ground.
The Republicans are not a moral party but neither are the Democrats.
But the Republican party is not that party. A party which denies global warming and wants lower taxes on the rich cannot be a party with heart or sanity.
But the Democratic party which is fine with the killing of 58 million fetuses, and which looks away from repeated foreign adventures by the Obama administration - his murderous drones, the lynching of Qaddafi etc - cannot be that party either. Democrats are even afraid to say, "All lives matter!"
Perhaps a new party will rise after Trump finishes burning the current Republican party to the ground.
Meanwhile, suggestions by Democrats to David Brooks, "Why don't you join us?" fall on rocky ground.
The Republicans are not a moral party but neither are the Democrats.
Across the US churches and other community organizations prepare and serve meals to those who need them. They manage food pantries. Second Helpings has expanded its services with a cooking school. Chefs who graduate prepare the meals from collected food throughout the city to venues where it is served.
This is done by all regardless of political affliliation: Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Independents.
Across this country churches and volunteers work with resettlement agencies to help refugees begin new lives in the US. This is also done by Americans regardless of political party.
The Interfaith Hospitality Network shelters homeless familes for a week at a time in churches across this country by volunteers regardless of political affiliation.
Habitats for Humanity is a charity whose volunteers builds houses.
Americans are generous. Life in many of our communities would be much more difficult were it not for the many volunteers, churches, and other civic organizations that unite to help those in need.
This is done by all regardless of political affliliation: Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Independents.
Across this country churches and volunteers work with resettlement agencies to help refugees begin new lives in the US. This is also done by Americans regardless of political party.
The Interfaith Hospitality Network shelters homeless familes for a week at a time in churches across this country by volunteers regardless of political affiliation.
Habitats for Humanity is a charity whose volunteers builds houses.
Americans are generous. Life in many of our communities would be much more difficult were it not for the many volunteers, churches, and other civic organizations that unite to help those in need.
177
"Americans are generous. Life in many of our communities would be much more difficult were it not for the many volunteers, churches, and other civic organizations that unite to help those in need."
People all over the world are generous -- it's not just an 'American thing'.
Having said that, it's very heartwarming to note the reassurance that America IS beautiful, during this toxic election cycle.
People all over the world are generous -- it's not just an 'American thing'.
Having said that, it's very heartwarming to note the reassurance that America IS beautiful, during this toxic election cycle.
1
Some Americans are generous. Others, not so much. Still others are just scared of black and brown babies.
True of Americans....true of everyone else.
True of Americans....true of everyone else.
2
When I was a foster parent I learned the biggest lesson very quickly. You don't have to do very much to make a huge impact. Love, attention, basic care and interest is inhaled by these children. One young man joining our dinner table said, "Do you have a party like this every night"? We were just sitting around the kitchen table with a candle lit, spaghetti and salad, doing our usual thing. This was the first time he had ever gathered to eat and talk. He kept getting seconds and thirds so the moment wouldn't end. What wouldn't you do for a child like this? Everyone around the table knew how profound this was and how precious their usual routine was.
600
No words for that except admiration and gratitude for Kathy, David, Santi, David & friends.
3
"The problems facing this country are deeper than the labor participation rate and ISIS. It’s a crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy."
Precisely, Mr. Brooks, which is why the story of Kathy and David while beautiful and touching, is hardly the formula for solving our problems. In the land of NIMBY only a pair of saints could ask how it is possible that people don't routinely invite underprivileged teenagers to sit at their dinner tables. You clearly have not failed to notice, Mr. Brooks, that we have spent seven decades sorting ourselves into neighborhoods of uniform economic status and uniform opinions in order to avoid having to deal with otherness. Wistfully we need to acknowledge that our friends and neighbors who have spent a lifetime striving to move into ever more exclusive communities are not likely to turn into Kathys and Davids anytime soon - they are not angels. And that - as James Madison reminded us long ago - is why government, and and government programs, are necessary.
Precisely, Mr. Brooks, which is why the story of Kathy and David while beautiful and touching, is hardly the formula for solving our problems. In the land of NIMBY only a pair of saints could ask how it is possible that people don't routinely invite underprivileged teenagers to sit at their dinner tables. You clearly have not failed to notice, Mr. Brooks, that we have spent seven decades sorting ourselves into neighborhoods of uniform economic status and uniform opinions in order to avoid having to deal with otherness. Wistfully we need to acknowledge that our friends and neighbors who have spent a lifetime striving to move into ever more exclusive communities are not likely to turn into Kathys and Davids anytime soon - they are not angels. And that - as James Madison reminded us long ago - is why government, and and government programs, are necessary.
2
Yes, David, it does take a village.
When will you finally turn your back on the political party the US maintains for its sociopaths?
When will you finally turn your back on the political party the US maintains for its sociopaths?
6
One of your best Mr. Brooks
1
Wait ... is it possible that all this is taking place outside some religious or "spiritual" context?
Given Mr. Brooks' track record in recent years, it would be most curious if it were not. One wonders how he squares this with his constant insistence that faith, i.e. belief in things unseen, is so essential to doing the right thing.
Given Mr. Brooks' track record in recent years, it would be most curious if it were not. One wonders how he squares this with his constant insistence that faith, i.e. belief in things unseen, is so essential to doing the right thing.
10
What's wrong with believing in faith in betterment, Clay?
Maybe they have faith that serving the needs of others is better than leaving it to food-stamps and the government.
What's most troubling about this problem is that it didn't exist a couple of generations ago. It might have been a poor family back then, but it was a family. Parents (notice the plural use of the word) cared about their kids and found a way to keep a roof above and meals under it.
Instead, we have tried to assign the parenting role to government. It has failed abysmally, resulting in low cost housing that houses fewer, and a brick of cheese once a month that feeds few.
Good on you, David! Those beaten-down kids in the ditches of this rich nation need some hands up from folks who care. Caesar can't do it, but good Samaritans can.
Maybe they have faith that serving the needs of others is better than leaving it to food-stamps and the government.
What's most troubling about this problem is that it didn't exist a couple of generations ago. It might have been a poor family back then, but it was a family. Parents (notice the plural use of the word) cared about their kids and found a way to keep a roof above and meals under it.
Instead, we have tried to assign the parenting role to government. It has failed abysmally, resulting in low cost housing that houses fewer, and a brick of cheese once a month that feeds few.
Good on you, David! Those beaten-down kids in the ditches of this rich nation need some hands up from folks who care. Caesar can't do it, but good Samaritans can.
1
Let's make America kind again....
33
Such oases of human warmth, compassion and concern for the deprived and weaker ones have always dotted the socio-cultural landscape of societies in history irrespective of the callousness of markets and the barrenness of politics. If humanity has survived for centuries, it's because of this very trait still intact at the community level.
21
We all live because of the kindness and grace of all others, invisible to us, but life supporting and life nurturing hands.
1
David: Thank you for sharing this lovely story. I think I will go over to AOK later this morning and make a donation. Sometimes it does take a village and it's nice that you found one and shared this with us.
39
"What changes people is relationships."
All of us are seeking authenticity in our lives, our relationships with each other and ourselves.
This article shows how all of us can bring this about.
It is not only about helping others.
In so doing, we truly support the best in ourselves.
It is what this country is really about.
All of us are seeking authenticity in our lives, our relationships with each other and ourselves.
This article shows how all of us can bring this about.
It is not only about helping others.
In so doing, we truly support the best in ourselves.
It is what this country is really about.
18
It is certainly what this world is really about.
This is the ideal for human compassion toward which any nation and culture should point itself. It can never be replaced by a government agency, and those who believe that opposing institutional involvement signals a heartless soul should personally display the faith in human kindness that so many say is within our nature.
One of the linchpins to reaching a nation like this is the willingness to judge while we love. Love without judgment allows us no avenue to shame the selfish, self-centered, and cruel. But that is the country we seem to prefer in the here and now: a place where nobody is criticized and we anonymously press our need for compassion on a government that punishes through taxes and redeems us through social services.
A world of willing sacrifice, genuine compassion, and hearts healed from the inside-out will more profoundly change a society than one which engages its citizens in a tug-of-war to extract support from each other.
The Progressive reader will call this a dog-whistle for intolerance, but we need to tilt toward one lodestar, and I believe that self-sacrifice and self-regulation are the better hope, leavened by gratitude and accountability.
One of the linchpins to reaching a nation like this is the willingness to judge while we love. Love without judgment allows us no avenue to shame the selfish, self-centered, and cruel. But that is the country we seem to prefer in the here and now: a place where nobody is criticized and we anonymously press our need for compassion on a government that punishes through taxes and redeems us through social services.
A world of willing sacrifice, genuine compassion, and hearts healed from the inside-out will more profoundly change a society than one which engages its citizens in a tug-of-war to extract support from each other.
The Progressive reader will call this a dog-whistle for intolerance, but we need to tilt toward one lodestar, and I believe that self-sacrifice and self-regulation are the better hope, leavened by gratitude and accountability.
8
I didn't think a progressive would disagree. We would disagree that government hs no hand. Economic opportunity was the salve that bound people together. That has been traded for trickle down economics.
2
@anonymous
Let us quickly identify what the progressive seeks. Is it to outlaw trickle-down? Okay, please speak to specifics and what that will entail. We have used this term so casually that it becomes a catch-all for what either "doesn't work" or "confirms conservatism's heartlessness". Instead, let's put forward a rational end to trickle-down.
I don't see it in the current candidates with serious claim on our attention. Trump: a joke. Clinton: so many promises and yet firmly supported by entrenched financial interests. Sanders: another burn the house message that goes so far you cannot really listen (unless you are 25 and believe you have nothing to lose and everything to gain).
I, too, despise trickle-down; because it is about tax codes. My plea is for real human healing and changed hearts. They are different and can be brought together without building a bigger government to administer compassion.
Let us quickly identify what the progressive seeks. Is it to outlaw trickle-down? Okay, please speak to specifics and what that will entail. We have used this term so casually that it becomes a catch-all for what either "doesn't work" or "confirms conservatism's heartlessness". Instead, let's put forward a rational end to trickle-down.
I don't see it in the current candidates with serious claim on our attention. Trump: a joke. Clinton: so many promises and yet firmly supported by entrenched financial interests. Sanders: another burn the house message that goes so far you cannot really listen (unless you are 25 and believe you have nothing to lose and everything to gain).
I, too, despise trickle-down; because it is about tax codes. My plea is for real human healing and changed hearts. They are different and can be brought together without building a bigger government to administer compassion.
1
Soft, warm lights and soothing voices are generally drowned out, but they are always there, persevering, and leading by example.
20
There is no margin of error for these kids, and the Republican Party doesn't see government having a role in helping them. We need more Kathy and Davids, because all our tax money gets spent on reaper drones.
25
SoxaRed you're right David has gotten into a habit of going to places where there are still many disadvantaged people and I commend him for that. Krugman, Friedman and many of the Hillary shills merely pontificate or trash talk from their Ivory Towers. This is a bi partisan issue as illustrated by all the people left behind after eight years of another President who I campaigned for and still admire this status quo must go. Bernie could have been our savior but even a cartoonish businessman is better than four more years of the same or probably worse as Hillary assembles her War Cabinet with the addition of Michelle Fluornoy as indicated in yesterday's papers. In the meantime maybe some of Hillarys WallStreet chums like Blankfeins could learn a thing or two from Kathy and David, but I wouldn't count on it. Thank you Mr. Brooks for being the last person at The Times offering a balanced narrative as well as wonderful writing.
10
@Ted. There is no doubt that personal commitment is of utmost importance and can be extremely beneficial. If I had the space, I could narrate an episode in which I had a small part. However, while individual involvement will always be preferable, it is not possible to deal with the millions upon millions of cases.
Social, collective measures are needed to offer an indispensable flooring that ensures the necessary minimum. We cannot leave the effort to the individual compassion and charity, the task is much vaster than those efforts can accomplish.
Social, collective measures are needed to offer an indispensable flooring that ensures the necessary minimum. We cannot leave the effort to the individual compassion and charity, the task is much vaster than those efforts can accomplish.
42
Trump is going to be "better than 4 more years of the same"? Please describe the bad things about the last 4 years and try to include Republicans in Congress with their childish obstructionism. The exhibit A of this obstructionism is McConnell's refusal to give Merrick Garland a hearing and a vote. I'm sure that Mr. Trump is very, very interested in the lives of these unfortunate children. I would not have thought a Trump supporter would inject Mr. Trump into this fine article.
5
Ted, why turn this into a political rant. This couple is exhibiting the sense of community I wish we saw more frequently, but regardless, we still have to have a functioning government or we are sunk. Why do you think Bernie Sanders is out campaigning for Hillary Clinton?
4
Thanks David, but bear in mind however you're confounding the yellow dogs with that apparent anti-federalist rant.
2
Mr. Brooks; It's great that families like the one you describe are stepping into the breach and helping young people negotiate the complex, perplexing, and often rapacious adult world. We should also ask why this charity is needed-- it is not simply that these youngsters' parents have failed at "adulting". It is that our society rewards ruthlessness and punishes weakness (GOP memes = "winners vs. losers"; "makers vs. takers"). Compassion from government in the form or jobs, healthcare, and education, instead of tax breaks for corporations and the wealthy and corporations, would be a refreshing start.
57
We are treated to an inspiration, by an intellectual who opposes providing food and shelter and health care to all Americans in favor of a handful of very rich people who are so self involved that their posterboy Paul Ryan wants to cut supplemental food to incentivize the poor. Afflicted by an aversion for government based on a Reagan spell, Brooks wants to show us how individuals can do the job of government. Societies that indulge in righteous child abuse and neglect are still sick even if individuals help those that they can. Government for and by the people cannot survive neglecting basic needs and standing on the sidelines waiting for inspiration. Feeding and sheltering all children, indeed, all persons in need is a norm, is normal in a normal society.
54
well said.
1
Joseph: What Brooks is writing about is more than "feeding and sheltering" all children. He is talking about the human touch. the reaching out one to one to these kids. He is not talking about feeding and sheltering large groups of people. Ever been to a soup kitchen? Ever been to a PADS shelter? It's not quite the same as what Brooks is describing. Brooks is describing an intimate personal relation, one that cares about individuals and their greater needs rather than simply providing "feeding and sheltering".
Now I am not necessarily degrading soup kitchens and PADS shelters. At least they do provide "feeding and sheltering". Read the paragraph about what Bill Milliken says about programs.
And Brooks is commenting, not about himself, but the selfless and caring of Kathy and David and their own child who brought the first hungry child to their home. They are unique and I wish I could visit or support this family. Thanks David, for this heart warming story. It is much needed during this hateful presidential election
Now I am not necessarily degrading soup kitchens and PADS shelters. At least they do provide "feeding and sheltering". Read the paragraph about what Bill Milliken says about programs.
And Brooks is commenting, not about himself, but the selfless and caring of Kathy and David and their own child who brought the first hungry child to their home. They are unique and I wish I could visit or support this family. Thanks David, for this heart warming story. It is much needed during this hateful presidential election
1
"The problems facing this country are deeper than the labor participation rate and ISIS. It’s a crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy"
Well, that's what Republican leaders would have you believe. And if you take the bait, you'll be voting for Trump too.
No, employment and rising wages or the lack thereof rather are at the heart of the white working class's ire and David's "happiness" --if you will if talking heads are capable of it--is precisely his wealth. But overworking as he does he has no life.
Well, that's what Republican leaders would have you believe. And if you take the bait, you'll be voting for Trump too.
No, employment and rising wages or the lack thereof rather are at the heart of the white working class's ire and David's "happiness" --if you will if talking heads are capable of it--is precisely his wealth. But overworking as he does he has no life.
5
I often admire, even bask in the glow, of David Brooks' compassion, kind face, and positive philosophy of living life from our better angels. Sometimes, though, I worry that he is using his earnest and sincere beliefs to mask or rescue some very dirty laundry that has found its home in the stinking laundry baskets of the GOP House and Senate. Mr. Brooks, why not call out your party of choice on their self-serving activities? Why continue to accord them power to wreak harm, by association? You are a sensitive and brilliant thinker among rabid foxes and coyotes in your party of choice. You have paid your dues. We're all not getting any younger. Why not put your courage where your mouth is? Action speaks louder than words. Just saying.
88
Thank you Mr Brooks for a life-affirming story. If only we could get those sanctimonious religious type if not the outright vulgar alt-right type to listen: together is better and the best treasure is kindness to each other. The seed sown by the Kathys and Davids will geminate into a field of kind hearted souls to make their makers proud!
20
For a while I taught in a program for double drop-outs. They were kids who had dropped out of a drop-out program, and this was a way for them to receive a GED. I did art projects with them in conjunction with a social worker. There were 4 or 5 teachers provided by the Board of Ed.
Most of the kids came from rough neighborhoods. Some presented as very tough kids. My technique, while working on our projects (related to Cultural Diversity and Conflict Resolution) was not to praise them in front of the others and risk mockery, but to whisper into their ear, so it was a private moment. I would give praise where it was due, and offer criticism where it was needed. I would tell them they blew me away with their work, and that they and I both knew how much more they were capable of. Even the toughest kid, would bluets and puff up just a little. The whispered moment provided intimacy within a crowded classroom.
There is nothing that replaces a child being shown that he or she is recognized as an individual and that they have worth. As I got to know them better, I was shocked to realize the pressures these kids had in their lives; still they wanted their education.
Some of them had parents who were addicts, or had been imprisoned, Some were homeless or orphans. One girl was threatened by a gang in Brklyn so she moved to the Bronx & commuted to school in Queens.
I don't know how I would have done under those circumstances.
We need to do better by our kids.
Most of the kids came from rough neighborhoods. Some presented as very tough kids. My technique, while working on our projects (related to Cultural Diversity and Conflict Resolution) was not to praise them in front of the others and risk mockery, but to whisper into their ear, so it was a private moment. I would give praise where it was due, and offer criticism where it was needed. I would tell them they blew me away with their work, and that they and I both knew how much more they were capable of. Even the toughest kid, would bluets and puff up just a little. The whispered moment provided intimacy within a crowded classroom.
There is nothing that replaces a child being shown that he or she is recognized as an individual and that they have worth. As I got to know them better, I was shocked to realize the pressures these kids had in their lives; still they wanted their education.
Some of them had parents who were addicts, or had been imprisoned, Some were homeless or orphans. One girl was threatened by a gang in Brklyn so she moved to the Bronx & commuted to school in Queens.
I don't know how I would have done under those circumstances.
We need to do better by our kids.
114
Even the toughest kid, would blush and puff up just a little.
11
Does thie Thursday dinner experience account for your apparent struggle with conservatism the last year? My husband and I have discussed your seeming conflict, multiple times.
I contrast this story to an NPR story yesterday about Montanna. Syrian refugees , are planned to arrive there NEXT year, and that eventuality has roiled the local public and their state level politicians, to the degree that there are actual proclamations that 4 out of 5 terrorist attacks are done by children.
Please, please let a desire for basic decency, and Recognition that we need one another, be an eventual outcome of this election.
I contrast this story to an NPR story yesterday about Montanna. Syrian refugees , are planned to arrive there NEXT year, and that eventuality has roiled the local public and their state level politicians, to the degree that there are actual proclamations that 4 out of 5 terrorist attacks are done by children.
Please, please let a desire for basic decency, and Recognition that we need one another, be an eventual outcome of this election.
37
I'm no religious zealot, but I am always amused by the right wing "Christians" who tote Bibles and testify to the validity of the Gospels. There are millions of these people, the same ones who decry "handouts" by the government. None of them seem to have an answer for this question, though: Matthew 25 records Christ's words, "When I was hungry, you gave me food. When I was homeless, you sheltered me . . ."
Hypocrites make good folks like Kathy and David necessary. Instead of sending a spaceship to Mars for a couple of trillion, why not feed and house and afford opportunities for education to the poor of our country?
Hypocrites make good folks like Kathy and David necessary. Instead of sending a spaceship to Mars for a couple of trillion, why not feed and house and afford opportunities for education to the poor of our country?
122
We could do both, Michael B, send a spaceship to Mars and feed the hungry - we do have the resources, but not always the will.
74
Mormons are probably the most successful mutual aid society in the US.
1
We could do both with the taxes owed by American companies hiding profits overseas
4
In this horrible time when we are steeped in fear and vitriol, reading this is a joyful and inspiring way to begin the day. What a generous hearted couple. Thank you David Brooks. How sad that, in the comments, some folks feel it necessary to criticize and look for the negative. Maybe they need a dinner table to sit around where they can give and receive love and support. Actually I think everyone does.
31
Well said, Ms. McLure. Jesus set the example: sit at the table with all, love each and every one of your neighbors.
1
"The kids can project total self-confidence one minute then slide into utter lostness the next."
David Brooks just described the universal teen.
And maybe that is what we lose when we talk in the aggregate. Mostly we have to, because we cannot address every problem on an individual level. So we talk of poverty, inner cities, Appalachia, unemployment, education on mass scale. But mass scale is still the aggregate tales of individuals.
Putting real face on issues, remembering real people are affected is how we turn compassion into action. I am inspired by Ms. Fletcher and Mr. Davidson. But I don't believe that we can solve our problems one dinner table at a time. I do believe that they have found the core of a solution, so how do we grow that into something that works for more?
David Brooks just described the universal teen.
And maybe that is what we lose when we talk in the aggregate. Mostly we have to, because we cannot address every problem on an individual level. So we talk of poverty, inner cities, Appalachia, unemployment, education on mass scale. But mass scale is still the aggregate tales of individuals.
Putting real face on issues, remembering real people are affected is how we turn compassion into action. I am inspired by Ms. Fletcher and Mr. Davidson. But I don't believe that we can solve our problems one dinner table at a time. I do believe that they have found the core of a solution, so how do we grow that into something that works for more?
16
Rather than a story about red or blue, conservative or liberal, this type of story is a reminder of the common humanity that we all share. In a time when cultural separations are the norm, it is even more important to reach across those socioeconomic separations and to be relationally involved with people who don't live next to you, who don't look like you, who don't vote like you do. I hope that each of us asks ourselves, "what can I do to build a better sense of community around me, supporting the community at large through individual relationships?"
11
I woke up to this uplifting story and finally felt good about something that I read. That was until I started to read the comments that were written. If we cannot celibate what these two people have done? then there is no hope for us. Can't we leave politics aside and share goodness for once?
25
The personal is the political. I think the respondents(rightly so I might add) read Brooks and wait for the other shoe to drop, say a pitch for how conservatism and religion cure all. So don't criticize the respondents, they are just used to being burned by the likes of D Brooks.(Go back and read his pitch on the Resnicks, then read the Mother Jones expose)
7
Well, we could leave politics aside if this article were not actually about politics. After all, ask yourself what is the purpose of this column? By citing this story of generousity, Brooks is actually (reading between the lines) both encouraging more private donorship and also not asking our government to step up to its responsibilites to take of all of our citizens. This is the conservative model- that volunteerism should replace government services and therefore cut government spending. But let's not forget that volunteerism is a choice, given and taken away at the pleasure of the donor.....
7
What is the most popular holiday that brings us together in America? Thanksgiving, which you are not allowed to celebrate alone. Europeans who spend a few years here enjoy it, and ask for tips about what to bring to the table.
Reminding a friend that Rosh Hashanah this year began on the Eve of October 2, it reminded me that another friend was celebrating The Islamic New Year, having returned safely to her country of birth, a very fine family of grown children born here, all hard working, graduates of college on scholarship.
'Thanksgiving is Murder on Turkey's Day' (Canada), I added to my friend whose family spent time in a prison camp. What calendar are you reading from, she inquired. PETA, I replied, supporting rescued animals who got a second chance in life.
I was brought up by the Pure and the Chaste, The Beautiful and the Damned, and they have all brought something good to the table; I would not have it any other way and it has taught me never to take an act of kindness for granted.
Thank you, David Brooks.
Reminding a friend that Rosh Hashanah this year began on the Eve of October 2, it reminded me that another friend was celebrating The Islamic New Year, having returned safely to her country of birth, a very fine family of grown children born here, all hard working, graduates of college on scholarship.
'Thanksgiving is Murder on Turkey's Day' (Canada), I added to my friend whose family spent time in a prison camp. What calendar are you reading from, she inquired. PETA, I replied, supporting rescued animals who got a second chance in life.
I was brought up by the Pure and the Chaste, The Beautiful and the Damned, and they have all brought something good to the table; I would not have it any other way and it has taught me never to take an act of kindness for granted.
Thank you, David Brooks.
1
A wonderful column David even though the usual Hillary shills try to turn it into a partisan problem. Time to face the facts folks, if there were still the jobs that the Clintons destroyed with NAFTA and TPP(to come)and the overturn of Glass Siegel not to mention Walmart, on whose board Hillary sat, the youngsters attending Kathy and Davids parties might all have great futures and the potential to be wonderful examples of humanity themselves. Thank you David for a terrific column and thank this terrific couple.
7
@ted in Portland said, "A wonderful column David even though the usual Hillary shills try to turn it into a partisan problem."
And your comment is not "partisan"? You basically made a heart-warming story about a generous and caring couple into an attack on the Clintons. If one chooses to be political there is certainly plenty negative to say about the GOP and their hatred of government programs re poverty, help for the addicted etc., etc. OR we could simply read the story as one example of the simple goodness of a couple who are responding to needy youth with care, generosity, and love.
And your comment is not "partisan"? You basically made a heart-warming story about a generous and caring couple into an attack on the Clintons. If one chooses to be political there is certainly plenty negative to say about the GOP and their hatred of government programs re poverty, help for the addicted etc., etc. OR we could simply read the story as one example of the simple goodness of a couple who are responding to needy youth with care, generosity, and love.
139
Ted in Portland, must you politicize even this story? Good grief!
8
@anne Marie hislop: My point exactly, in case you haven't noticed ninety percent of the comments in Davids columns are spun to attack the G.O.P. and present Clinton under a more favorable light than she deserves ; I was a Bernie Sanders supporter and a lifelong Democrat until this election but it is absolutely clear to someone reading news other than The Times(Haraatz or Reuters) that Hillary and her minders are dragging this nation into a confrontation with Iran and best case scenario only a Cold War with Russia: Or ms. Hislop have you not been paying attention to our part in the overthrow of the duly elected President of the Ukraine, are you not aware of Victoria Nuland her husband Robert Kagan, Michele Fluornoy and the "New American Century" crowd these people represent, I realize this entire episode has been hidden by the mainstream media to elect their chosen canidate by isn't it a bit disingenuous to pretend otherwise or perhaps you agree with the position of putting our "allies" in the Middle East interests before the well being of our own nation, if so you would have lots of company in The Times as Krugmans policies have proven to benefit the one percent more than main street and Friedmans "The World is Flat" ethos has benefited only the "Exceptional" and of course their partners in a China which we must now be very afraid of. When your canidate escalates war make sure that the Clintons, Mezvinskys and the rest of the exceptional people, not the poor are fighting.
3
This story of Kathy and David is inspiring. And clearly David Brooks is proud, and ready to boast, that he's hung around with two very generous people and an inspiring collection of poor kids (many of them black, I'd guess, given the photo) and that he's become their pal.
But what's the underlying message here? It's still Republican. Brooks is quietly arguing that individuals, in their communities, who are inspired by generosity (and old-fashioned spirituality?), can save us all.
No need for government to help establish good schools and provide food to needy kids and teens.
Friendly neighbors can do it! That's so nice.
But of course he can't explain how to increase the number of volunteers who open their dining rooms to black teenagers.
This is yet another unctuous, self-righteous sermon from David Brooks. Are they going to keep coming? Ugh.
But what's the underlying message here? It's still Republican. Brooks is quietly arguing that individuals, in their communities, who are inspired by generosity (and old-fashioned spirituality?), can save us all.
No need for government to help establish good schools and provide food to needy kids and teens.
Friendly neighbors can do it! That's so nice.
But of course he can't explain how to increase the number of volunteers who open their dining rooms to black teenagers.
This is yet another unctuous, self-righteous sermon from David Brooks. Are they going to keep coming? Ugh.
43
I believe the message of love and compassion is not limited to any political party. Someone must set the example....and I thank Mr. Brooks for lifting up one family that is doing just that. It is from these examples that children, and I hope adults, learn the kinds of lessons which point to the social policies which you appear to support.
1
Last I checked, no government program can provide the love, responsiveness, and nurturing these kids so desperately need. This is a void no bureaucracy can fill. Deal with it.
1
@factumpactum - "Each eligible recipient will be issued 2.8 units of Official Government Love per week until they reach the age of 18, or until their family income exceeds $22,843, whichever comes first".
1
Simple friendship is a fine, beautiful and a powerful thing....
thanks for the reminder....
thanks for the reminder....
10
It takes a village, and these people have created one. If the D.C. government and school system had more resources, they could pay people modest salaries to create or extend the support village that young people need to prosper. Even better would be if the parents and relatives of these young people had the resources (stable, decent-paying jobs) to provide the village themselves, avoiding homelessness and hunger.
For some reason, Mr. Brooks does not want to comment on the current political situation, on the Republican party, or on their nominee. He takes refuge from this ugliness with tales of individual nobility and musings on the foundations of morality and politics. But he never brings lessons back from these musings that are practical enough to give us guidance on who we should choose to lead the country. But this is what we really need to put these musings into practice.
The Republican party and American conservatism is self-destructing and when sage practical advice is needed Mr. Brooks is AWOL.
For some reason, Mr. Brooks does not want to comment on the current political situation, on the Republican party, or on their nominee. He takes refuge from this ugliness with tales of individual nobility and musings on the foundations of morality and politics. But he never brings lessons back from these musings that are practical enough to give us guidance on who we should choose to lead the country. But this is what we really need to put these musings into practice.
The Republican party and American conservatism is self-destructing and when sage practical advice is needed Mr. Brooks is AWOL.
98
"They could pay people modest salaries". That is part of the problem in our society. We pay entertainers, athletes, hedge finders, bankers, CEOs enormous salaries and those who actually change lives modestly. I am not suggesting we pay them like the other overpriced occupations listed above. But if you are going to pay people to invest in others lives, to pour their heart and soul into strangers to make their lives better, it should be a bit more than modest.
3
We are currently bombing Mosul. We spend untold billions every year on military rolls of the dice from which few positive results come and thousands of people die. But we won't invest in our own citizens' housing, education, healthcare, and job training because that would be wasteful of taxpayer money.
330
That was well said, topical and philosophically right on the mark.
4
And there is still talk about sending a human to Mars. What a waste of money. If we want to learn about Mars (I guess that's understandable), send robots. Meanwhile, there's a far more important planet, teeming (for the moment) with actual life, a planet whose nature and life forms we hardly understand and need our study and care, right beneath our feet.
Let's work on saving and improving our home and our neighborhood before we go off and mess with a distant and barren place.
Let's work on saving and improving our home and our neighborhood before we go off and mess with a distant and barren place.
5
Well put. And if there was someone running for president who said this, I'd vote for them. But with the democrats and republicans, we know we're getting four more years of the same. Long live Kathy and David! Here's to the salt of the earth!
3
Thank you, David, for sharing with us this bright star of the simple best of human nature. We're so awash right now in the worst of human behavior, I'm holding on to this story, playing it over in my mind for the pure pleasure of thinking about it and for the power that thinking about good brings. How lovely are these good people sharing all forms of nourishment.
29
The problem is that there aren’t enough Kathys and Davids to take in all of the kids who need help. What happens to the ones who can’t find a dinner table to crowd around? More to the point, why are we willing to tolerate the circumstances in this country that create poverty and despair, and then expect volunteers to step in and deal with the aftermath?
The answer is not a hit-or-miss volunteerism, but economic and social policies that protect children from falling into the cracks. We’ve economically abandoned entire cities without sparing a thought for the children that grow up in these environments. We drive people into poverty with low wages, allow infrastructure to crumble, close schools and incarcerate the people who turn to the drugs and crime that flourish in the ruins.
Conservatives like Brooks are always going on about love and warmth and saving souls while they make social services, medical care and education go begging. The focus on volunteerism is designed to take the focus off of policies that slashed food stamps while giving wealthy farmers a windfall, to take only one recent example.
We live in a country with obscene income inequality, yet David Brooks railed against those who occupied Wall Street while he wrote columns against raising the minimum wage. This paean to volunteerism merely directs attention away from the poverty of human feeling that infects our politics and disadvantages our future.
The answer is not a hit-or-miss volunteerism, but economic and social policies that protect children from falling into the cracks. We’ve economically abandoned entire cities without sparing a thought for the children that grow up in these environments. We drive people into poverty with low wages, allow infrastructure to crumble, close schools and incarcerate the people who turn to the drugs and crime that flourish in the ruins.
Conservatives like Brooks are always going on about love and warmth and saving souls while they make social services, medical care and education go begging. The focus on volunteerism is designed to take the focus off of policies that slashed food stamps while giving wealthy farmers a windfall, to take only one recent example.
We live in a country with obscene income inequality, yet David Brooks railed against those who occupied Wall Street while he wrote columns against raising the minimum wage. This paean to volunteerism merely directs attention away from the poverty of human feeling that infects our politics and disadvantages our future.
683
Gemli, right here in MA, there are many families like Kathy and david's. There are folks who not only host youngsters for dinner, but help them and families from poor countries, through terrible health related corrective surgeries, either tumors or cleft palate or faulty limbs. My friend takes in babies, she holds them post surgery, nursing them back to health. We have people in the neighborhood and community who donate clothes, books, school supplies, Tylenol and otc medicines, old computers, sneakers, jackets to these kids. Our friends spend their weekends collecting items for homeless shelter transition homes, equip them with appliances, bed linen, comforters discarded by well to do families. We have folks here who along with their little children and grown kids, help out with cooking suppers for families who have fallen into hard times but still have their dignity intact. For elderly folks living alone, they personally deliver these meals to their homes. High school juniors, seniors with driving license volunteer to drop off food, if they are unable their parents will drive them. Warm food delivered to them, we take turns, it's no burden at all.
Gems amongst us, they don't look for name or fame, they do their duty to serve fellow human beings, daily, sharing and spreading their joy, everywhere they go. When my friend walks in the door, it literally feels like a ray of sunshine just came in!
Gems amongst us, they don't look for name or fame, they do their duty to serve fellow human beings, daily, sharing and spreading their joy, everywhere they go. When my friend walks in the door, it literally feels like a ray of sunshine just came in!
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@gemli
There aren't enough Kathys and Davids.
What happens when there aren't enough volunteers?
Well, I would say that you have just summed up a country that needs to look deep inside itself rather than turn this over to a faceless government.
Income inequality can be fixed through straightforward measures. And it may mean a flatter tax or a consumption tax. Health care will become more affordable when each person looks at the demands we are putting on each other for conditions within our control.
Once a nation has exhausted self-care, self-regulation, and self-discipline it is fine to turn to a collective approach to deal with all the things that befall us as random and rare events: a horrific storm, a common foreign enemy, an epidemic. But a Progressive begins from the center of that discussion and works outward. Eventually, human beings are no longer accountable and our mutual love is institutionalized.
I would encourage every reader to ask how close you live to Kathy's and David's model before telling me the government is needed. I am wagering that I and many others reading these acidic comments have more thoroughly walked the walk than the pious commenters.
Poverty of human feeling is not given to people; it is taken with open arms by people who see its effect on their friends and community who have gone before them and felt the renewal in their hearts.
There aren't enough Kathys and Davids.
What happens when there aren't enough volunteers?
Well, I would say that you have just summed up a country that needs to look deep inside itself rather than turn this over to a faceless government.
Income inequality can be fixed through straightforward measures. And it may mean a flatter tax or a consumption tax. Health care will become more affordable when each person looks at the demands we are putting on each other for conditions within our control.
Once a nation has exhausted self-care, self-regulation, and self-discipline it is fine to turn to a collective approach to deal with all the things that befall us as random and rare events: a horrific storm, a common foreign enemy, an epidemic. But a Progressive begins from the center of that discussion and works outward. Eventually, human beings are no longer accountable and our mutual love is institutionalized.
I would encourage every reader to ask how close you live to Kathy's and David's model before telling me the government is needed. I am wagering that I and many others reading these acidic comments have more thoroughly walked the walk than the pious commenters.
Poverty of human feeling is not given to people; it is taken with open arms by people who see its effect on their friends and community who have gone before them and felt the renewal in their hearts.
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You said everything I was thinking. Nice story, but the fact is, we cannot count on altruism to solve the problems that young people face in forging a future for themselves. We also can no longer rely on religious organizations to provide charity or services to those in need, because those religious organizations are struggling themselves as more and more people live their lives unaffiliated.
What we need are policies that actually lift people into living wage employment, whether that is tying the minimum wage to inflation or CPI, (although I believe it should be based on regional cost of living), creating a good educational system, reforming entitlements tied training programs to mandate that any training be tied to regional living wage employment, providing health care to all Americans, providing real accountability in law enforcement (in all areas of the criminal justice system), providing accountability for the laws that exist that are supposed to protect individual rights and on and on. All of these are things that neither party has addressed.
What we need are policies that actually lift people into living wage employment, whether that is tying the minimum wage to inflation or CPI, (although I believe it should be based on regional cost of living), creating a good educational system, reforming entitlements tied training programs to mandate that any training be tied to regional living wage employment, providing health care to all Americans, providing real accountability in law enforcement (in all areas of the criminal justice system), providing accountability for the laws that exist that are supposed to protect individual rights and on and on. All of these are things that neither party has addressed.
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This is another deplorable "thousand points of light" fantasy from people who take their tax cuts, then pretend they REALLY care about others.
Their "giving" always comes with strings, and on their terms. It makes them look in the mirror without grimacing, but it's as phony as a three dollar bill.
Their "giving" always comes with strings, and on their terms. It makes them look in the mirror without grimacing, but it's as phony as a three dollar bill.
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Are you implying that Kathy and David doing it to get tax deductions?
I do not understand your comment, please explain.
I do not understand your comment, please explain.
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How in the world did you end up down in that dark hole?
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Would you rather that people like Kathy and David didn't lift a finger?
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Well said, well done.
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The US has safe places for parents to leave babies for whom they cannot care. What would it take to provide vetted safe houses for adolescents to come to for a hot meal, a shower, clean clothes, or a bed for the night? I wonder if it would be helpful to have adults offer free help with homework (at churches or public libraries) for kids of all ages. There is a lot that could be done, but I think the point that kids need supporting relationships with adults (in schools or other places in the community) is an important one. The teenagers of the world are the future and we need to treat them as a precious resource.
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There are volunteer programs in almost every city to help children and teens with homework. The problem is often, how do the children and teens get there? And how many are encouraged by their parents to get help? I applaud this couple for helping and don't discount saving teens one or a few at a time but government does have a place in providing help to children and their families. Some parents are incapable of helping their children because their lives are too dysfunctional. Everyone should read Hillbilly Elegy. It is a personal account of how dysfunctional culture moves with a people even when they move to another location for better opportunities. It is about people from Kentucky coal country but could be applied to any poor communities from Appalachia to ghettoes. It is an eye opener. The author is very compassionate and honest about the factors holding these people back.
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"Bill Milliken, a veteran youth activist, is often asked which programs turn around kids’ lives. "
Another bogus attack on government. Some kids have no food, let alone the atmosphere to enjoy. Would this "activist" suggest not feeding them a school breakfast?
Another bogus attack on government. Some kids have no food, let alone the atmosphere to enjoy. Would this "activist" suggest not feeding them a school breakfast?
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He didn'y say it was either/or. Can we do both?
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Volunteer all you want, but don't sustain the illusion that this can do what government has the power to do: reach many with resources quickly.
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I was hoping for your blessing, thank you.
Kathy and David are an extraordinary -- and unfortunately exceptional -- example for all of us.
But the Government can do more, commencing with the obscene Wealth Gap that is creating more suffering among alienated and desperate children than any amount of charity and goodwill can hope to alleviate.
Millionaires and billionaires, take note: You can't take it with you, so play your part in changing the laws instead of defending inequality at every turn.
But the Government can do more, commencing with the obscene Wealth Gap that is creating more suffering among alienated and desperate children than any amount of charity and goodwill can hope to alleviate.
Millionaires and billionaires, take note: You can't take it with you, so play your part in changing the laws instead of defending inequality at every turn.
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Brooks point isn't about sucking more money out of government for more programs that don't uplift. His point is about building personal relationships, period with those left behind and disadvantaged by their parents.
Jazzville, and my point is that if government were fairer there would be fewer disadvantaged, destitute parents and therefore fewer children in need of charity: Tax laws, welfare, healthcare, education and training for all should follow the German model.
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How fortunate of you to be able to often share in these weekly dinners or people are kind and affirming of each other. How fortunate for the children to be able to come together and really feel how community works. How very very fortunate that your friends have been able to make such a positive difference in so many lives - their own, their son's, these kids, yours. The ripple effect of kindness and compassion that leads to action is one of the greatest powers on this planet.
Wouldn't it be lovely if our entire society acted that way? Holding out a hand to a stranger. Feeding the hungry. Providing shelter. Creating relationships. Loving one another.
Wouldn't it be lovely if our entire society acted that way? Holding out a hand to a stranger. Feeding the hungry. Providing shelter. Creating relationships. Loving one another.
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There may be the tendency here to point out that what this couple does for children in need shames us all by comparison because of what government fails to do. What David describes, of course, isn't that at all: government can't do what this couple does.
If it's true that it takes a village to nurture a child into a responsible adult capable of happiness and contribution, then that village isn’t government. It’s people like Kathy and David. Without them and others like them, there’s no hope for government to substitute for shattered families and hopeless poverty. There can be no “program” that could be effective short of removing these children from their immediate surroundings and artificially creating a better childhood for them. The need to do this would overwhelm government, or require resources that would make any OTHER social priority impossible.
What we need to do is honestly examine the causes of the circumstances in which these children find themselves and attack those causes, not simply seek to address the symptoms. In the meantime, the best among us, like Kathy and David, provide a lifeline for society’s neediest.
If it's true that it takes a village to nurture a child into a responsible adult capable of happiness and contribution, then that village isn’t government. It’s people like Kathy and David. Without them and others like them, there’s no hope for government to substitute for shattered families and hopeless poverty. There can be no “program” that could be effective short of removing these children from their immediate surroundings and artificially creating a better childhood for them. The need to do this would overwhelm government, or require resources that would make any OTHER social priority impossible.
What we need to do is honestly examine the causes of the circumstances in which these children find themselves and attack those causes, not simply seek to address the symptoms. In the meantime, the best among us, like Kathy and David, provide a lifeline for society’s neediest.
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There may be the tendency here to point out that RL uses this article to attack government. Again.
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Government employees could make a start though; treating citizens (and taxpayers) with kindness and respect would be a good first step. This applies to law enforcement as well as clerks in the DMV. That's what's missing: kindness and respect.
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The causes are poverty and unequal wealth distribution.
Access to healthy foods and proper nutrition is a start.
But then alleged anti-government libertarians would rather cut taxes and deny children school lunches than increase taxes to pay for "big government".
Developing brains require the energy of healthy foods so the kids occupying those brains can study and get good grades and get into college and graduate and obtain a decent job and break the cycle of poverty and despair.
Access to healthy foods and proper nutrition is a start.
But then alleged anti-government libertarians would rather cut taxes and deny children school lunches than increase taxes to pay for "big government".
Developing brains require the energy of healthy foods so the kids occupying those brains can study and get good grades and get into college and graduate and obtain a decent job and break the cycle of poverty and despair.
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Thank you for the lovely affirmation of what's beautiful in life, in others and what we can do to nurture goodness.
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As I age it has become very clear to me one must be thankful for where they are born, when and to whom. It is a shame in the U.S. (and any country) where some groups have too many children and they are forgotten, abused and neglected. This story validates parents need to be present and spend time with their children.
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What a pleasant, uplifting column! I teach a course on juvenile delinquency and this is a good snapshot of an effort to try and compensate for a lot of the social and community disintegration that Brooks often describes in his other columns. There are too many of these kids. These dinners are a start, but more attention must be paid!
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Why you seem to think that micro-efforts, such as that of your friends, to nurture and improve people's lives and macro-efforts, such as those that can only practically be undertaken by the society as a whole through government, are mutually exclusive or that one renders the other unnecessary or illegitimate never fails to baffle me. Wouldn't it be lovely if Kathy and David could focus on teaching and loving these kids and not on having to feed, clothe or house them, which should rarely be required of them in a civilized world?
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It would be lovely if they were financially compensated for feeding and housing them (and clothing them, if they do that)--but no, it wouldn't be lovely if the kids were fed and housed directly by a government agency..... where, exactly? A community center or something? The whole point is that kids (people, really) need close personal relationships, like the relationships these kids have with each other and with Kathy and David at the latter's house.... And unlike the relationships we have with at least the majority of government workers we interact with when they are in their official role. And even when we do have such close relationships (say with a special teacher at public school), Brooks is suggesting (not implausibly) that is an added benefit from being able to share *dinner* with close others, in a house that someone has made a home.
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“I still haven’t seen one program change one kid’s life,” says Bill Milliken.
Bill Milliken is the founder of a program that he claims changes kid's lives.
I believe him.
Bill Milliken is the founder of a program that he claims changes kid's lives.
I believe him.
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Mr. Brooks, you've gotten into something of a habit. You visit desperate folks in Appalachia; in New Mexico or California or elsewhere. You have Thursday sessions with homeless adolescents in the home of a couple who truly live Christ's teachings: care for "the least among you." Yet you remain a staunch Republican, a visible member of an organization to whom these children of social dislocation are anathema.
House Speaker Paul Ryan has plans for them: more of the same, as he prepares legislation for a Republican president who, in Grover Norquist's immortal words, "has enough digits" to sign regressive legislation so that, among other things, the have's may have even more while the have-nots may sink even deeper into the well of sadness, the GOP's gift to all of us.
You will have many comments to this piece, Mr. Brooks, and many will be angry with me for diverting the "uplift" of your Thursday experience with politics. Well, tough; these kids are on life's skids because government has ceased to care for them when no one else will. Isn't that what government is for? To serve the needs of the needy when it is needful, right and proper? But Ryan and Mitch McConnell and the GOP stand for the virtue of quiet money--for the rich.
"There's no margin for error for these kids," yet "these kids," our future, yet the GOP easily jettison them as a lost cause. God bless Kathy and David for welcoming them into their home.
And, yes, God bless you for writing about it.
House Speaker Paul Ryan has plans for them: more of the same, as he prepares legislation for a Republican president who, in Grover Norquist's immortal words, "has enough digits" to sign regressive legislation so that, among other things, the have's may have even more while the have-nots may sink even deeper into the well of sadness, the GOP's gift to all of us.
You will have many comments to this piece, Mr. Brooks, and many will be angry with me for diverting the "uplift" of your Thursday experience with politics. Well, tough; these kids are on life's skids because government has ceased to care for them when no one else will. Isn't that what government is for? To serve the needs of the needy when it is needful, right and proper? But Ryan and Mitch McConnell and the GOP stand for the virtue of quiet money--for the rich.
"There's no margin for error for these kids," yet "these kids," our future, yet the GOP easily jettison them as a lost cause. God bless Kathy and David for welcoming them into their home.
And, yes, God bless you for writing about it.
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The stubbornness of the GOP "Intractables" is why HRC is not 50 pts. ahead in this election cycle. McConnell and Ryan can't stomach Don the Con politically, but their view is that he will support their fiscal agenda to cut back or eliminate the social safety net altogether while cutting taxes on their 1% constituency and ensure that corporations never have to pay their fair share of taxes to maintain the infrastructure and military security on which they so heavily rely to generate their profits.
Now that Don the Con's candidacy appears to be imploding based upon his self-confessed sexual predation on women, it's time to double down on Hillary's campaign strategy to GOTV not only in battle ground states, but also her targeted red states to take back the Senate and possibly the HR.
If by some miracle HRC wins a full Congressional majority, the Dems will have at least two years to soar with progressive moves to turn around the economy, fix our tax structure, re-engineer the ACA, clamp down on Big Pharma, encourage small businesses - our engine of growth and good jobs, and make American lives more secure from financial predators like Wells Fargo and sexual predators like Don the Con.
GOTV folks.
Now that Don the Con's candidacy appears to be imploding based upon his self-confessed sexual predation on women, it's time to double down on Hillary's campaign strategy to GOTV not only in battle ground states, but also her targeted red states to take back the Senate and possibly the HR.
If by some miracle HRC wins a full Congressional majority, the Dems will have at least two years to soar with progressive moves to turn around the economy, fix our tax structure, re-engineer the ACA, clamp down on Big Pharma, encourage small businesses - our engine of growth and good jobs, and make American lives more secure from financial predators like Wells Fargo and sexual predators like Don the Con.
GOTV folks.
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@sox
This comment is in the mainstream of cynical posts who believe that David is incapable of your bottomless love and compassion simply because he sees another way. What is remarkable is not the measured critique but the almost insulting way you put Brooks down.
This comment is in the mainstream of cynical posts who believe that David is incapable of your bottomless love and compassion simply because he sees another way. What is remarkable is not the measured critique but the almost insulting way you put Brooks down.
4
George Will is no longer a Republican. Maybe Mr Brooks will follow suit. We can only hope...
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Such a beautiful sentiment, David, but, as usual, soured by a cynical subtext thinly veiled against (a)"...powerful..political tract..." I am awe-struck by you Mr.Brooks, you still won't support Hillary Clinton; you simply can't use you example of outreach to children and state that Clinton's campaign is based, in large part, on providing children of America a better brighter future. It is she who intoned "It takes a village..." and every educator in America knows she is right---that virtually all adolescent children thrive on adult mentors in their lives , who role models, "life coaches,"--- adults whom they admire. Great schools are well funded school, ones where professional working conditions provide teachers with far more than a salary. They are schools where class loads are small and controlled, and teachers are hired who are natural kid magnets. Early childhood education, well funded, provides youngsters with nurturing adults and low student teacher ratios. These public education improvements ( HRC: "All children deserve great schools, regardless of zip code") are the central themes in Clinton's campaign, and she is offering a "powerful political tract" to invest and improve the lives of our nation's greatest underfunded and neglected resource and key to our nation's future success, our children. Just say yes to Hillary David!
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Yes, I think David has been a closet Democrat for some time!
David, you can do it!
David, you can do it!
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Sylvia you don't have to be a democrat to be nice. Meaning republicans need not be "not nice". I have plenty of republican neighbors who are sweet folks, doing wonderful service to fellow humans. We have long demonized party affiliation as though people are born democrat or republican and we label them as permanent D or R. Truth is each party encompasses a spectrum of views and opinions and sometimes a candidate can emerge who transcends party politics and works towards the common goal. It is the how that we bicker about.
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No matter how "nice" a republican might be in his/her personal life, being a republican now means rejecting helping your fellow citizens through your tax dollars. And that's not nice.
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