How Boxing Got Me to Face My Fears

If hitting someone in the face makes you feel better about yourself you need therapy.
Boxing causes brain damage, a young teenage brain doesn't need to be knocked about.

Boxer and humanitarian Muhammad Ali had a number of similarities to the legendary English poet Lord Byron (http://www.sfreporter.com/santafe/article-12356-lee-on-literature-muhamm....

Sarah Deming possesses the best attributes of both.

great article you have to try it to know it

Great read, thank you! Another, similar story that will always be one of the finest memoirs I've read is The Boxer's Heart by Kate Sekules. Highly recommended!

One of the best pieces I've read in the NYT in ages. And I read the paper obsessively! Congratulations, Ms. Deming. Very impressive work.

I was bullied in grade school until my uncle (one year older than I) put a stop to it. He warned the bully to knock it off because he would retaliate if he didn't. In high school my uncle was no longer there. The bully then whacked my back when the teacher had her back turned. He did this for about three days until I turned around so fast to whack him, that I drove him into the kid behind him. The teacher turned as the class oooed and awed. Her response? "Quiet class. Someone finally got what they deserved." He threatened me in whispers about meeting him after class. After the bell I waited for him to come out, dropped my books and said "Let's go. " Her mumbled about my not doing that ever again and I said it wouldn't happen as long as he kept his hands to himself. And he never did bully me. He did take flak for backing down, but I had gained a lot of respect from my peers, some who were in his crowd even. In life as in boxing, it's all about losing the fear. Something we all need to do in these dangerous times when bullies run for political office, block bridge traffic, and stop our country from progress for the common good like a do nothing Congress.

Just when there was some hope of a long-term killing of interest in this barbaric and dangerous sport. Sad on many levels.

Boxing is the pornography of violence--two people inflicting pain on each other for the entertainment of spectators. It should have been outlawed long ago. How sad that women have embraced it, proving they can be as brutish as men.

idk why the Times enabled comments for this article (and not some other lesser articles/opinions that should be commented on).

This woman is simply sharing her amazing journey/story. But these replies and comments are just bogged down with judgments & opinions that are not at all constructive. There is a better time and place for these comments.

Boxing throughout history does the same thing to people. It does help people learn to function well under stress, to not be distracted by physical punishment and to remain focused. But there is a price to pay, it breaks their faces and damages their brains.

What is war, essentially, if not one opponent against another, mite makes right. If the framework of being pitted against another individual where your main directive is to knock out and/or cause permanent physical harm to your opponent -- if this brings the writer to face her fears - are there no other frameworks which would not involve maiming another? @johannaclear

There's got to be a better way.

Great article. Thanks.

You faced your fears by inflicting brain damage on other women and, perhaps more disturbingly, self-destructively opening yourself to the same brain damage. There have got to be about 100 better pathways to self-actualization.

Worst of all, you're steering Josh and other kids into a brutal, destructive behavior. "Josh was crying a little. It's good why they cry." Wonderful.

That isn't sport; it's barbarism.

I'm glad that boxing helped you to face your fears...But I fear for all boxers, and all who engage in any sport in which violence and the infliction of injury are the main purposes. Whatever a person may gain from the sport is often outweighed by what they lose.

Becky Zerlentes was a friend of mine:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/female-boxer-dies-after-bout/

I box for fitness, and I love the combination of mental and physical challenge. I so wish I could get in the ring...but I have such mixed feelings about possible brain damage. I can't even go to watch my friends in the ring, I'm too scared I'll see them die. Overall it just doesn't seem worth it, and I worry for the poor kids who see boxing as a possible "way out."

So well written. Thank you!!!

I am a martial artist. I focus mostly on Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Mauy Thai kickboxing. I have wrestled competitively since I was a child.

This article resonated with me ... and many of the people I know. Fear is an emotion often with a powerful physical aspect (fight or flight or in some case paralysis to do either).

Boxing, like many martial arts, helps many to learn to deal with fear. And many learn that there is no such thing as being "tough." Either you have been trained or trained yourself to endure but you cannot get tough ...

That said, the issue of brain damage is real. Very real. When I spar Mauy Thai kickboxing it is lite, distance sparing with very limited contact to the head. The contact is no more than the glove grazing the head with little impact.

I think we need to revisit sports like boxing and women's soccer (number 1 in sports for concussions) that cause brain trauma.

Good on ya, Sarah.

Red Smith would have nodded in approval of both your writing and your pugilistic efforts...

After about 4–6 weeks of heavy training for a fight, to the exclusion of much else—and much else meaning absolutely no sex allowed, two men are about ready to kill each other.

I can't see the romance in boxing, even after reading this article. Hard to understand why someone would volunteer to do this. It seems like a way to vent and channel your rage. Why not do that with endurance sports, I understand the relationship to physical exertion and release. I get that. Pummeling someone else just seems brutish.

I like your closing comment, "You have to lose to learn".

I recently had to write a brief auto-biography for something, and I realized that several big changes that took my life in new and interesting directions followed major setbacks. I flunked out of grad school the first time. My now ex- wife told me she was leaving. A Board of Directors fired me. They all seemed devastating when they happened but viewed in hind sight, all resulted in positive outcomes.

That fear of humiliation is so strong that many athletes will choose permanent injury over retreat.

My way of handling this fear? I selected opponents from a superior division. I played my heart out and learned many lessons on the way to my expected trouncing. One can't do this in a tournament, but my fear decreased significantly after a slew of these one-sided match-ups.

Outstanding article! Thank you so much for the crisp writing and powerful evocations. I just started in my 40's to pursue boxing...you capture the passion perfectly. I will add you to my NYT writers queue and hope to see more of your work!

Great Read! Keep it up - writers like you make the NYT a must for ex-East Coasters like myself. Made my day!

I did a couple of Thai boxing fights in Hong Kong and reading this essay almost made me feel sick with anxiety. Like I was reliving it. Well done!

Incredible writing. I have a punching bag and speed bag in my home gym but need training and need to step into a ring. This remarkable piece was just the motivation I need. Thank you Sarah!

A wonderful read and a great lesson in building character with a bloody nose and some punches to show for it.

Great read, Sarah. I especially like the monk's tale: " the truth is like a grease fire and we are like dogs. We can’t have it, because it’s burning. We can’t abandon it, because it’s delicious." It applies to so many things in life.
Thank you

The greatest sport with the best athletes, and this article proves why. Thanks for writing it.

Thank you, Sarah! This is a lovely essay — one of the best I've read on boxing since "On Boxing".

Tiff (former amateur boxer and current Times nerd/journalist.)

Joyce Carol Oates has a collection of essays about boxing, "On Boxing". She's a fan dating back to her father explaining the sport to her when she was young. She explores every corner of boxing intellectually, philosophically, and viscerally. It's a fascinating book, not the least because her being a bantam weight herself, and a cerebral fiction writer teaching at Princeton, makes her seem like an unlikely fan.
One of the things she addresses is that, while the satisfaction any sport offers can become addictive, there's something primal and mysterious about this single-combat in a ring that most other human endeavors lack.
It's well worth reading if you have any interest at all in the sport.

I guess that you got your brains knocked out. Don't encourage this.

Having taken boxing in college, I became aware that it was not a street fight, but rather a learned technique of hitting someone else in order to cause temporary disability called a knockout. The focus on concussions now brings to light the fact that intentionally imposing cerebral trauma on another person in football, boxing or any sport is not in the public or individual's interest. Dementia pugilistica, the medical term for punch drunk boxers, is preventable by outlawing boxing and mixed martial arts.

Great read. Thank you! My Catholic school actually had a boxing program -- but they limited it to the 6- 8 grades. I was very happy to have started at the school in 9th. I would have been more afraid than you were I fear!

FEAR Is a response that humans and many other species are hard-wired to respond to. That a boxer or football player can learn to suppress the fear response, is something that is learned. With great peril. If the science about CBE (chronic brain encephalopathy) are to be believed, concussions, major, minor and subclinical are the result of a brain that is exposed to forceful blows that result in what are closed-head injuries. The effects may not be experienced for many years. And when symptoms do appear they can be misdiagnosed, because of their early onset. Because dementia due to chronic brain encephalopathy tends to appear early. For that reason, retired professional football players have made a settlement for many millions to pay for the treatment they will require as the symptoms increase in severity. For that reason, I believe that all sports that involve a high probability of concussion must be forbidden in schools, including football, soccer, boxing and others. I can respect the dedication and skill that competitive boxing entails, but I will neither watch it nor encourage it, as it destroys brains. Mohammed Ali, who died recently, suffered from CBE, manifested sometimes as Parkinsons disease. Ask anyone who struggles with Parkinsons will tell u that it is an all-consuming affliction that they would never have chosen to bring upon themselves. But those poeple have not played football, soccer, boxing or other games that involved traumatic brain injuries.

i started boxing in my late 40's and boxed for ten years. it was white collar boxing but, regardless, it take the same mind set to walk into the ring. i had ten fights and there's nothing more frightening and exhilarating then facing off against an opponent. there's an intimacy in that relationship and at the end of the bout, respect remains. and yes, staying in there is everything. what a wonderfully written article; accurate on every levle

Boxing is an incredible work out and I wish more young women would give it a try. Other challenges in life seem less scary when you can tell yourself "at least no one is trying to punch me in the face." You can't have a busy brain while sparring. And it's good for learning how to be aggressive and physical without being angry and out of control.

Many of the same things could be written about surfing, the difference being that the ocean is the opponent and sooner or later, definitively and forever, the ocean always wins.

Great piece from the crafty, hard-hitting, graceful and wise Sarah Deming.

Boxing was on its way out until women discovered it. They've re-legitimized this road to disability. I swear, if women controlled and administered the death penalty liberals would clamor for its use.

Good...now that you faced up to your fears, face up to reality and realize that boxing is extremely dangerous to your health and take up another sport.

I became a abolitionist re boxing when I saw what it did to M. Ali and
other boxers..

It was amazing to see all the press giving to M. Ali on his death with almost no mention of abolition of the sport....ie... contributed greatly to his rapid decline.

I coached in Golden gloves in the 80's. I was looking for some service that would relieve the drudgery of an entry level bureaucratic job and kind of fell backwards into a program. Shortly, the other adult trainer quit and I ended up with the program. It was all the things described in this op-ed but it was also inclusive of all the kids who weren't going to be on the traditional school teams, often because they weren't, or barely, in school. During that time, the American Medical Association (AMA) was using the sport as a diversion from it's true failures in availability and affordability telling us all that although society had nothing for them, it was concerned that they were damaging their minds. What outsiders will never know is the feelings of confidence that comes to a kid that has been kicked around when he puts on his Golden Gloves T-shirt and walks to the store. He knows that he he has the discipline and guts to do something that 99% of the population will never do. Long after the T-shirt is gone he (and now she) will still know that.

Well done. Glad you stuck with it and glad you shared your story with us.

Wow. Anyone who wants to know what economical writing is could start here.
Congratulations, Sarah, on this beautiful story and on your life. I plan to read this piece to my high school athlete daughter, who could benefit from its lessons.

Great read!

There is no more personal nor challenging a sport as boxing. Great narrative!!

I'm glad, Ms. Deming, that boxing helped you face your fears. I'm glad that you found a pastime which was "delicious".

Hopefully you got out before there was any long-term or permanent damage.

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/410861